#light bulb joke

[facts-i-just-made-up]

How many Libras it takes to screw in a light bulb?

Whenever I hear these jokes I think of one time I'd neglected my chores and my roommate asked, "Hey Ari, how many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb?" He knew I was Jewish and he was not antisemitic or anything so I asked, "How many?" And he replied, "Just one so I don't know who the fuck else you're waiting for."

It takes 3 Libras though if the lightbulb is perfectly circular in shape.

[jokingluna]

Happy April Fool's Day! Had a bit of trouble finding a good joke for this year. Apologies for getting it posted late.

[tsbs-shipfessions]

Eclipse x Eclipse x Eclipse x Eclipse...

How many Eclipse's does it take for the Anon's wishes to be satisfied? Who knows...

[puppetmaker40]

Because there is never enough light bulb jokes

[lovecoreclownz-archive]

Oh god I just fucking realized something.

Gordon is in a heavy ass uncomfortable HEV suit the entire time. That thang is made of METAL. It's hazmat suit ARMOUR. It's made to withstand BULLET WOUNDS. That shit is heavy as balls you guys realize that???

He slept in it. Multiple times.

NO WONDER HE BECOMES MORE OF A DICK AS THE SERIES GOES ON HE'S IN MASSIVE AMMOUNTS OF PAIN IN A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE HE DOESNT KNOW FUCKING AROUND AND NOT SEEMING TO TAKE ANYTHING (including himself!) SERIOUSLY!

For my chronic pain havers, picture this. The pain you have now, but you are also carrying several lbs of metal Armour on your body and trudging through toxic waste, there are alien creatures trying to kill you, you're seeing a fuck ton of people die all the time, your friends (who are seemingly immortal) don't take your mortality seriously and have died infront of you several times, AND YOU DONT HAVE A PROPER PLACE TO SLEEP!

You also get AMPUTATED at some point!

Like!!! No WONDER the dude was being a dick man!!! This isn't even to consider his already stated suicidal thoughts, any mental illnesses he may have (I think he's schizophrenic and a DID system) AND physical ailments like disability and chronic pain.

Now, granted, if we're doing a streamerman kinda thing like in source, you have to remember that Gordon acts JUST like everything happening is real to a certain extent. Like. He feels PAIN when the model feels pain. He's fully fucking immersed in the experience. Even when there's like. Outside stuff like stream he still seems to forget the world outside the stream EXISTS. (Also part of my schizo headcanon)

SO LIKE! YEAH IF I COULD FEEL THE PAIN THE MODEL WAS FEELING YEAH ID BE A BIT OF A BITCH TOO!!

Cuz like. I've found myself getting ANGRY at things I genuinely find funny during really bad chronic illness days. So I just. I understand why Gordon feetman is such a dick now.

[mswyrr]

Chapters: 1/4 Fandom: The Bear (TV 2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto & Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto, Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto/Pete, Sydney Adamu/Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto Characters: Natalie "Sugar" Berzatto, Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto, Pete (The Bear TV 2022), Sydney Adamu Additional Tags: Mental Health Issues, Recovery, adult children of alcoholics, Dysfunctional Family Series: Part 2 of sydcarmy s3 au Summary:

Sideways sequel to "Before the Dawn," Nat POV.

Nat's brother comes to her for help and everything changes.

[euesworld]

"Screw Botox, I inject garlic into my lips so the vampires never forget me.. I mean, my lips are fire but if you burst into flames from kissing me then that's not ecstasy."

Women are always telling me they can't put their finger on it but something about me makes them think that I am Italian, haha.. my girl does the opposite, she puts cocaine on her lips to keep me addicted and I am just like damn girl, are you a snow angel? - eUë

[kandidandi]

I know the risks but I'm willing to take it for the funny

do it then

[godhi]

A Bright Idea

How many Dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?

Sane people will never ask that question. Ask a Dwarf to change a light bulb--and the Dwarf will take one look at the burned-out bulb and believe they can invent something much, much better.

Not only will the new and improved light bulb never burn out, but it will be bright enough to be used as a replacement bulb for a good-sized lighthouse. It can miraculously be used as a replacement build for any vacuum tube ever invented for vintage radio or television sets--or for any electronic device, for that matter--but generates brilliant illumination in the infrared and ultraviolet frequencies. Last but not least, the new and improved light bulb is completely shatter-proof and cool to the touch, and may be safely handled with bare hands--although humans are advised to use lead-lined gloves for their own safety.

[dollfairy]

It's really hard to get over the childhood wound of "no one believes me or listens to me so I can't trust anyone or go to anyone for support and therefore have to handle everything myself" when that shit is still happening to me as an adult in my 30s lol

[voidthewanderer]

Mother there is a reason why I asked you to just put the box of lightbulbs on the stairs and I would bring them up when I got home. I knew what was on my desk. You really didn’t need to go in my room while I had dicks all over my desk. You really didn’t. 🥲🥲🥲🥲

[killbaned]

the chicken is in the oven. i was originally going to just. use butter and salt because i'm scared if i use my seasonings it's going to make the gastritis go sicko mode but i can't. i can't fucking make bare seasonless chicken i can't FUCKING DO IT i'd rather starve.

i did, however, select only three seasonings (basil, parsley, poultry) out of the mix along w sea salt and butter so we'll see what happens.

i bought myself some of those knock off gluten free thin mints when i did my errands monday so i just munched on some of those for a sugar boost bc once again. i did not eat anything before i left the house.

in my defense, i literally couldn't have eaten even if someone tried to force me bc The Gastritis Is Gassing.

and also speaking of food regarding mom, she also said the food at the new rehab is decent. hospital food will never be "good" and her lunch came while i was there and their version of scalloped potatoes looked dry as fuck but i also asked if she wants me to bring leftovers when i come tomorrow and she said no since the food is good enough so that's also nice.

it's nice because these are all things that led to her flipping out repeatedly until she finally went AMA last time.

it's also nice because i feel like i can unclench a little and relax and not obsessively sit on my phone waiting for her to call losing her fucking mind about it.

oh also the new place has actual security features. you have to get buzzed in to enter, you have to sign in, you're given a visitor pass, and you have to get buzzed out.

the place she was at here just had an automatic front door and nothing else. which. i will be honest i stopped by a few times after work and i was like.

huh. kinda don't like you can just walk in at 1030PM or later and like no one is around or gives you a second glance. like what if there's a freak around who wants to bother vulnerable old people???

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

i feel so chicken brooding over light bulbs right now

[bobapril]

[pretty-sparkle-bomb]

idk im just thinking about something...

The bakusquad had been enjoying a casual walk after class, laughing and joking around, when Kaminari suddenly stopped in his tracks. His face scrunched up in a mixture of confusion and disgust as he pointed down the street.

"Brotha eww, what is that?" he blurted out, drawing the others' attention.

Mina followed his finger, her eyes locking onto a couple who seemed completely oblivious to the world around them, tangled up in a passionate kiss. She stared for a moment, trying to process what she was seeing, before wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Why are they making out in the middle of the street?"

Kirishima averted his gaze quickly, his cheeks flushing. "Stop staring, you guys, that's rude!" but his voice held a hint of curiosity like he was wondering what exactly was going on.

Sero squinted, leaning forward slightly as he tried to get a better look. "Wait a second," he said slowly, a dawning realization creeping into his voice. "Why do they kinda... look familiar?"

It was like a light bulb went off in everyone's heads at once. Mina gasped, her eyes widening in shock. "Ohmygosh, that's—"

"BAKUGO AND Y/N?!" they all yelled in unison, their voices overlapping as they stared in disbelief.

The couple in question didn't seem to notice the commotion they were causing.

Katsuki's hand was tangled in your hair, pulling you closer as if he couldn’t bear the thought of you being even an inch away from him. Your hands rested on his chest, gripping the fabric of his shirt as if anchoring yourself in the intensity of the moment.

Kaminari’s jaw dropped, and he nearly tripped over his own feet. "I did not need to see that," he muttered.

Mina, however, was already pulling out her phone, ready to snap a picture. "Oh, this is too good," she giggled.

Kirishima reached out to stop her. "No way, Mina! You can't just take a picture of them like that!" But there was no hiding the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Sero folded his arms, smirking. "I gotta say, I'm surprised, but... not that surprised? I mean, we all knew something was up with those two."

Mina paused, phone in hand, and nodded. "Yeah, I guess it was kinda obvious. But still, this is Bakugo! Mister 'I don’t have time for your stupid feelings!'" she made a groggy voice.

Kirishima laughed, shaking his head. "Guess he does have time after all."

As the group continued to watch, Bakugo finally seemed to notice them, his sharp eyes catching sight of his gawking friends. His expression instantly shifted from lovey dovey to pissed, his usual scowl making a fierce comeback. He pulled away from you slightly, though he didn’t let go, his hand now resting possessively on your waist.

"Oi, the hell are you extras looking at?!" he barked, his voice carrying down the street. His glare could’ve burned a hole through steel.

You quickly buried your face in his chest, a mix of embarrassment and laughter bubbling up inside you. Katsuki was clearly not having any of this, and his friends knew better than to push their luck when he was in a mood.

But Kaminari couldn’t resist. "Sorry, bro! Just, you know, didn’t expect to see you guys... uh... so cozy in public!"

Bakugo growled, tightening his hold on you. "Mind your own damn business!"

Sero waved his hands in a placating gesture. "Alright, alright, we’ll leave you two alone. Come on, guys, let’s give them some privacy." he snorted, shaking his head.

Mina blew you a cheeky kiss before turning away, her laughter ringing in the air.

As they walked away, you peeked up at Katsuki, a smile tugging at your lips. "Well, that was... something."

He huffed, still glaring at his retreating friends, but when he looked down at you, his expression softened.

"Strawberry lipgloss? That one new?"

[ablemask]

I wish I was dead /srs