#like I annoying to wait for friends when they are late for the bus but he hung out there for hundreds of years

[sarcastic--knight]

Me run with letter: Dear Santa, please forgive me for the confusion, I know you are very busy, but I ask you to listen to me about the gift. I know it’s quite late but listen, 11 years ago on this very day...

Santa instantly climbs out of the pipe: I don’t know how to resurrect the dead understand already a stupid creature, dear deer save me

Me: Oh no, I already understood that I just need a little apocalypse so that Arthur can come back we people haven't ruined everything enough

[fingertipsmp3]

That last post just reminded me of something honestly mind-boggling that that friend did

[hannieehaee]

LOST IN STEREO

18+ / mdi

summary: after kicking you out of your own band to seek success with the band on his own, vernon finds his plans falling through, all the while you'd reached success on your own. now leading your own label, vernon finds himself having to earn your forgiveness, not realizing how badly he'd hurt you years back.

content: friends2enemies2lovers!vernon, band!au, drummer!vernon, guitarist!reader, unrequited crush (kinda), pining, vernon kicks you out of your band bc ur a girl (asshole, ik), really incorrect music industry terminology (i know nothing about music oops), afab reader, reader becomes a producer after being kicked from vernon's band, seokmin, chan, hannie and kwannie are in the band, smut, penetrative sex, dry humping, fingering, etc.

wc: 8.8k

a/n: i know the summary and content are all over the place, but i promise the story in itself is coherent</3

masterlist | kofi/patreon

"Fuck! Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?"

He winced at the sudden sight of you upon turning a corner in the huge building he was currently exploring, never having expected to bump into you there.

"I work here, Vernon. I would've expected you to do some research on the labels you're auditioning for."

"W-wait. What do you mean you work here?"

"I'm a producer here. What? Surprised?"

"N-no!" he spluttered.

Fuck, you looked good. No, scratch that. You looked beautiful beyond belief.

How long had it been? Three? Four years?

He still felt horribly about it. You know, that whole situation in which he threw you under the bus for his own benefit – only for everything to come crashing down on him immediately after. Not only did he feel like an asshole, but also like a huge idiot. Letting go of a friendship just for a failed attempt at success would go down as the dumbest thing Vernon ever engaged in.

In his defense, he was a teenager at the time. Okay, maybe he was freshly 19, but it felt like the same thing back then. He had been an idiot who dumped his best friend and crush just for a chance in the music industry. What he had thought that to be the smartest move to make for the future of your shared band ended up becoming his greatest mistake. To this day, he still thought back on it with shame.

What sucked the most was how talented he knew you were. That, and the knowledge that he had been the sole person to blame for taking this opportunity away from you – from taking your own band away from you.

He quickly came to realize that it had been a horrible mistake, but it was too late by then. Contractually speaking, you had never really existed within the group. Your friendship had also crumbled soon after, despite your reassurance that all you wanted was the best for the band, even if that meant they'd continue on without you.

At the time, you had been the band's sole music producer, and song writer, and engineer, and you were the one who had a macbook with garage band on it, and–

"Vernon!"

Fuck. Had he been in his head this whole time?

You looked annoyed. Also way more grown and mature than when he last saw you at 19 years old. Fuck, did he mention you looked insanely hot?

"Sorry, I, uh, as I was saying," he cleared his throat, "Of course I'm not surprised. You're the most talented person I've ever known."

And Vernon truly meant his words. As teenagers, your dream to become a successful guitarist had been what inspired him to dust off his drums and go on this adventure with you, employing a few of your other friends to join your wannabe pop-punk band.

You weren't just a dreamer, like Vernon. Vernon knew you weren't just all talk. If anyone could walk the walk, it was you. With your innate ability with not only the guitar, but a myriad of other instruments, Vernon always admired you for your natural talent with music. The insane confidence you carried also did not help matters. It sure did not help the irrevocable crush he'd had on you since he met you. The air of security you always carried with you was something Vernon looked up to and was insanely attracted to. Sometimes it'd make it difficult to be around you without revealing his crush, as he would constantly swoon over your mere presence.

His feelings for you not only as a childhood friend, but also as his unrequited crush, only made the whole situation worse. At first, he dumbly thought that you understood why he had to ask you to leave the band, but it was obvious to him within only a few weeks that what his decision had done irreparable damage to your friendship.

Thinking back to it, he realized how stupid it was for him to even consider joining a label that denied your entrance simply due to your gender. Attempting to create the image the label had wanted to force on them should've been the first red flag. Taking Vernon aside to talk him into kicking you out should've been more than enough for Vernon to break out and whisk you away from a label that clearly didn't deserve you.

Sadly, Vernon had been too invested in making it big at the time. He truly would've given anything to find success as a musician as soon as possible – and apparently you should've taken those words literally.

It had been about a year since you first started the band at that point. Your very low budget garage band consisted of you, Vernon, and a few of your friends. Vernon was on drums, you on guitar, Hannie was bass, Kwan main vocals, Seokmin keyboard, and Chan second guitar. It was the perfect setup, if Vernon had anything to say about it.

The entire composition of the band had been yet another thing that formed all thanks to you. As much as Vernon insisted on saying it had been a shared effort, he now knew better. He needed to give credit where it was due. If it wasn't for you, Vernon never even would've met the guys he now considered his best friends, as you had been the one to take charge of recruiting more members into the group.

Despite that, you allowed Vernon to have the role of co-leader in the band with you. The way you had rationalized it was that you didn't believe in a monarchy; you much more wanted to have a democracy, so you believed that being co-leaders beat a singular leader by far.

This also demonstrated the intense trust you had on Vernon. Except Vernon's greedy mentality at the time did not respect this vision.

Surprisingly, even to his younger self, it didn't take much convincing for the recruiting manager of the label to convince Vernon into kicking you out. Just one signature from him, and all the male members of the group would be secure under a semi-established label that would guarantee them the exposure he'd been wanting, oh so badly, for the past year of being in the band. All he thought of was his future success, completely ignoring that his best friend would be left behind in the process. Simultaneously, he ignored the protests of his members, believing this to be for the greater good for the band.

In your usual supportive fashion, you were a trooper through it all. Your initial reaction was one of confusion and hurt, but it was quickly wiped away under the facade of being happy for your friends. If you couldn't find success with them, you were glad they'd be able to make it big without you.

Vernon made the mistake of believing these words, not realizing that he had just broken all your trust, and along with it your heart.

Then came the other end of the stick.

To no one's surprise, the record deal fell through. Kicking you out before agreeing to sign the group should've made alarms go off in Vernon's head on its own, but everything that came after was somehow worse.

The label had attempted to poke at every single detail about the band, trying to form them into something they could never see themselves becoming. Their looks changed, their sound changed, and fuck, Vernon just could not stop thinking about you throughout it all.

Before it all completely fell apart, they had been able to perform a few shows. Though they were nothing too big, they were far more than the small pubs in which you guys had performed before sighing the contract. Vernon was completely unable to enjoy any of this, though. The blank space on stage kept his mind uneasy. He constantly wondered about you and reminisced about your beginnings together.

This arrangement only lasted a few months. That was when everything truly went to hell. With lack of cooperation both from him and the rest of the guys, it wasn't too hard to get the label to drop them.

It just wasn't a match. Vernon would be the first to admit that greed got the best of him. Taking the very first signing offer that they got had been too naive of him, leading the band to be labeless and without a lead guitar and female vocal. And also leaving Vernon without a best friend.

A few years were spent attempting to break out once more, only achieving certain virality online through the first year of trying. It wasn't until recent times that Vernon and his band really blew up through some original work of Vernon's they had posted online. That's what actually led to Vernon's current position – touring one of the best labels for people in his genre after having established a solid fanbase online as an independent band.

Since Vernon had lost contact with you soon after kicking you out of the band, he eventually gave up on finding you (though memories of you would still haunt him). Not having kept up with your individual career, he never knew you actually made it out and into the big leagues on your own. You being a renown producer under an artistic name made sense to him, though. It explained why he had not heard of your name during all that time, and it also made sense with your past experience making music when you were in the band. Hell, you were the one who taught Vernon everything he knew about producing.

Despite being incredibly glad that his mistake hadn't made you lose your love for music, Vernon still felt disheartened at seeing you. In another life, the two of you would've made it here together, hand by hand and as the best friends you'd always been (hopefully even more by now). But now you were here, successful but at completely different rates, and with you feeling clear disdain towards Vernon's mere existence.

You simply scoffed at his compliment, rolling your eyes.

"I don't need your praise, Vernon."

Well, it seemed like he couldn't really win regardless. It also didn't help that he felt like a total loser standing in front of you, now aware that you had made a name for yourself.

He had heard your artistic name before, but since you apparently stuck to being a producer rather than be on stage, he never put a face to the name.

"I, uh, are you one of the producers we're auditioning for?"

"Yeah. Good luck with that, Vernon," you seemed far too pleased with yourself. There was venom in your eyes Vernon had never seen before in all those years he knew you.

"Listen, I-"

"Whatever you're going to say about our past, you can save it. Nothing you can say can make up for what happened. I won't get in your way during your meeting with the label. Only because I still love the rest of the guys," you softened a bit, before getting that serious look in your eye again, "But I also won't do you any favors."

Gulping, he responded, "Yeah, I, uh, okay. I understand."

Without any further comments, you bumped into his shoulder as you walked away, leaving a breathless Vernon behind.

He was well aware that you hated him, and with good reason too. Yet he couldn't help the rapid beating of his heart throughout every second of your interaction. With the passing of years, he had thought he was fully over his crush, but it all just came crashing down on him all at once upon your first meeting.

Now he really needed to get into this label. Not only for his career, but to somehow get you back.

"Dude! Did you see Y/N? She stopped by the studio earlier to say hi. Man, I told you you shouldn't have gone off on your own. I can't believe you missed her."

As much as Vernon wished Seokmin had been right about Vernon missing you altogether, he did wish your first encounter with him had been around other witnesses. Maybe that way your words to him would've had a little less venom in them.

"Nope. Bumped into her in the hallway while I was looking around."

"Shit ...", said Chan, "How was it?"

"Brutal. She hates my ass."

"Completely understandable, you know, considering," chimed in Seungkwan, sitting on the couch of the conference room's waiting room.

After a short tour of the building the label was homed in, the group was directed to wait in the waiting room as the execs arranged the paperwork necessary to sign them – should they come to an agreement. Vernon had made the dumb mistake of asking if he could explore the place a bit on his own, never having imagined he'd bump into you on the way. At least now he knew you'd be one of the higher ups waiting for him on the other side of that door.

"Dude, stop. I've been feeling like a dick ever since it happened", Vernon groaned into his hands, suddenly snapping up to look to his members, "Did you guys know she was working here? Did you know she was the Hissfit?"

"We didn't really keep contact," Seokmin shook his head.

"Yeah. I knew of Hissfit, but I never would've guessed it was her. Damn, that's kinda hot of her," said Jeonghan.

Jeonghan's comment peeved off Vernon a bit, but he had bigger things to worry about at the moment.

"Do you think she hates all of us, or is it just me-"

They all varied in their response, but the consensus was that Vernon was the only member you still saw with venom in your eyes.

"Yeah, man. It's just you," confirmed Chan, "I thought she'd hate me for taking over lead guitar after she left, but she was pretty nice to me just now."

Vernon was about to air out his endless concerns and frustrations at the stupid acts of his 19-year-old self, but had to close his mouth back up when the door to the conference room suddenly opened, revealing you and two other men close to your age.

"Come on in, guys," said one with shaggy hair and a strong build, gesturing at the boys to come in.

All five of them took a seat on one side of the gigantic table that took up most of the space in the room while you and the two men took a seat on the opposite side.

You looked so put together and professional, looking over the papers sitting in front of you while Vernon stared and stared, hoping you'd look his way.

"Okay, first of all, I wanna welcome you guys. I know one of our producers, Soonyoung, already gave you guys a quick tour of the place, but I wanted to give you a formal welcome," began the taller guy of the two, "My name is Seungcheol, but you probably know me as S.Coups."

"I'm Jihoon, but you must know me as Woozi," said the shaggy-haired man.

Then it was your turn.

"I'm Y/N. Also known as Hissfit."

Vernon winced when all his members woo'd at you, dapping you up with all confidence in the world despite not having kept in contact with you for the past few years. He wanted to join in, but you seemed too genuinely appreciative of it for him to want to dampen your mood by reminding you of his existence.

"We are the owners and cofounders of Universe Factory Records," added Jihoon.

"We're well aware you guys know our friend Y/N here," Seungcheol patted your back, rubbing it afterwards in a soothing manner, – completely unnecessary in Vernon's eyes, but okay – "but for business' sake, we will put a pin on that at the moment."

"We don't want any good or bad blood getting in the way of business, so we thought it'd be best to not discuss those matters here today," continued Jihoon, "All we care about is giving a passionate group such as your own and opportunity to join us. I can speak for all three of us when I say that you truly fit the core message of our label, and we'd love to sign you."

You nodded along to it all, even holding Vernon's eyes in yours for a few seconds before looking away.

"We'd love that, Woozi-Nim," intercepted Seokmin, bowing his head a bit at Jihoon.

"We just have a few contractual points to get to and then we can get to business, okay?", Seungcheol clapped his hands decisively.

A few moments later, your HR guys, Jun and Minghao came in to oversee the contract with the eight of you, making sure both parties understood everything written on the fine print. This took about thirty minutes, but ended very amicably.

"Is there a leader to the group who'd like to speak for any modifications you'd like to make to the contract?", asked Seungcheol just moments before the papers were about to be signed by everyone present.

"No, we're more of a democracy," said Vernon, not realizing the irony of his words fast enough.

You scoffed loudly at that, giving Vernon a sarcastic smile.

"Are you sure about that? Any other member who can confirm this fact?", you turned to the rest of the members in mock curiosity.

"Y/N, I-"

"Sorry, it's my bad. I shouldn't have asked," Seungcheol chuckled awkwardly, gesturing to the papers once more, "You can all sign whenever you're ready."

With some hesitation, Vernon signed.

He knew it was the right decision. That this way he would not only get to live his dream with his best friends while being housed under such a successful label, but that he'd also get another chance with you.

It'd just take a lot of work.

One of Vernon's favorite parts about the contract with Universe Factory was the luxury dorms that came along with it.

Being housed in a penthouse with all his friends seemed like one of the most unachievable dreams, yet here he was.

And the best part was that you owned a penthouse of your own right upstairs.

As far as he understood, this was a business owned building, housing any artists who wished to live at close proximity to the label's main headquarters. Vernon's group chose to agree to this form of housing without a second doubt, having always had the dream of living in the capital of the music industry – Los Angeles.

It had been about a month since the signing, and Vernon had caught sights of you far more times than he would've thought thus far. Unfortunately, none of them had gone well for him.

You seemed to be more than happy rekindling your friendship with the rest of the members, but always refused to spend any time with Vernon one-on-one. If at any moment you were left alone with Vernon, you'd scoff and walk out, even if Vernon attempted to call you out on it.

And Vernon's crush only got worse with the time he spent with you (albeit it always was while other people were around). Seeing you so relaxed in your loungewear when you'd spontaneously stop by the dorms to see Jeonghan or Chan (or literally anyone but him) as you laughed and joked around with them was messing with Vernon's head.

You were just so pretty and perfect and put together.

There came a point where Vernon was quite loud about his crush, constantly whining to his members about how much you still hated him. You were the only person to be unaware of it. Hell, even Jihoon and Seungcheol knew, always giving Vernon looks when he'd stare at you a little too long.

Except you never looked his way.

The only times you ever looked at Vernon were to curse him out or blatantly distance yourself from him whenever you got fed up of his presence.

Even now, as you huddled into a corner of the couch when the rest of the guys conveniently (re: at Vernon's request) left the two of you alone halfway through the movie you'd all been watching.

Attempting to be as casual as possible (he wasn't), Vernon slid from sitting on the arm of the couch to try and scoot closer to you, eyes glued to the TV in fear of you leaving if he dared look your way.

"Vernon-"

"Wait! Don't leave! Just stay sitting. I- I won't bother you, okay?," he was quick to apologize, sensing that you'd either scold him or tell him to fuck off.

You nodded, expressionless as you turned your bead back to the TV again, seemingly not too bothered by him.

It was rare for you to not use his exasperation as a reason to tell him off, so Vernon went against his own words and spoke again.

"Will we ever talk again?"

"What?"

He sighed, turning to you, "Will things ever go back to normal? I- Is there any chance you'll ever forgive me?"

"I don't wanna talk about this with you," you went to get up, only to be stopped by Vernon as he got up also, lightly grabbing your arm.

"Please. You have no idea how much I've regretted it since then. At least let me apologize," he pleaded with you.

"It doesn't matter if you regret it, Vernon. You still did it."

Wincing, he tried to come up with an answer that might satisfy you, but the truth was that there was no way for him to reason his actions at that time.

"I'll never not regret it. I .. I wish you were still out there with us, not just producing behind the scenes."

"Vernon-"

"Do you ... do you still play?"

"What?", you appeared annoyed at his interest.

"Do you still play? At any shows? For fun? You were always the best guitarist I'd known. Chan's nothing compared to you," he joked.

You looked down in what seemed to be shyness, "Chan's pretty good. He's gotten so much better since I last saw him."

"It wasn't the same- It's not the same. You were supposed to be there. I love Channie, but the dynamic completely changed when you left- when you-"

"When you kicked me out," you corrected.

He took a few steps towards you, both hands encompassing your arms in order to get you to look at him.

"I kicked you out, and it was the worst mistake I'd ever made. I lost my bandmate and I lost my best friend. I miss you every day. Every time I perform and I look to the front and you're not there, I remember what an idiot I was. You made this. You made the band, you got all the members. Fuck, you taught Channie everything you knew and all I did to repay you was throw you away," his eyes never left yours as he spoke, despite how guilty he felt at seeing the sudden sadness in yours, "Please tell me you at least still play. Please tell me I didn't take that away from you."

"I ... After you kicked me out, I couldn't trust anyone else. If my own best friend was willing to get rid of me like that ... If all my friends stood by and did nothing, then I couldn't trust that someone else wouldn't do it again."

"Y/n, I-"

You stepped away from his hold, creating some distance.

"I didn't want to play anymore, so I started selling my music. That's how I met Jihoon And Seungcheol. They were already on the process of founding Universe Factory. They saw something in me and took me in. We were equals," you explained, "So, no. I haven't played since then, Vernon. I'm a producer now."

It made Vernon miserable to know that the girl he once knew had changed. He understood why, specially having been part of the cause, but he felt even more regretful at knowing that he had damaged your ability to trust so badly. Ever since he knew you, you loved nothing more than to play for people. From talent shows to small shows at local pubs with only twenty people in the audience, you'd always happily sign up if it meant a chance to play for anyone willing to listen. Now you didn't have that in you anymore. All because Vernon had broken your trust.

Vernon chose not to bother you anymore after that. You seemed happy with your new life. Vernon seemed to be the only source of negativity in your life, so he chose to step aside and let you live your life. He would no longer try and see if there was any space for him there anymore. If that's what made you happy, then so be it.

It had taken a while, but after four months of being signed into Universe Factory, Vernon's band had finally released their new album.

The rollout consisted of 12 original songs, with a deluxe version including three extra songs coming a few months later. It hadn't been fully fleshed out yet, but the album itself had been a success by all means.

Throughout the process, Vernon had unfortunately not made much progress with you. Things seemed to be a bit more peaceful now that he had decided to leave you alone, but you never once tried to seek him out, so he assumed that this was the end of it. You were happy to ignore him and keep him out of your life, and as much as Vernon wad pained by it, he felt too remorseful by his previous actions to try and bother you anymore.

Vernon was happy to spend time with you whenever studio sessions came up. As one of the main producers of the company, you had been thoroughly involved in the album, which meant that you spent a grand majority of your time in the studio with Vernon and the rest of the band. Though you would rarely engage with him directly, you didn't outwardly ignore him. You remained professional and respectful towards him. He wasn't sure if that was better or worse.

After the grueling process of finishing up the album and releasing it, there was a small lull in the group's timeline. The album did amazingly well, specially with all the promo your label did for them. A tour had even been announced for later in the year, but for now things were quiet. The fruits of their labor were paying off and now everyone got a bit of time to rest before preparations for tour began.

Despite being done with work for a few weeks before getting to rehearsals for tour, Vernon still liked to come around the company and play around with the studios the label had available for their artists. He liked to mess around and try to experiment with new stuff to develop his skills. During the album-making period, he had observed you intently, learning from you without your knowledge.

Today was one of the many times in which Vernon had decided to come around the studios, in search of the one his group used throughout the process of making their album.

That was when he noticed the half-closed door, with the soft strumming of a guitar coming from the inside. He was about to turn around and leave, assuming that someone else had taken up that studio for a bit, but then he heard a melodious voice accompanying the guitar in perfect harmony. It was you.

Even during the recording process, Vernon was yet to hear you sing or play any music. The demos were usually recorded by Jihoon, even when you had vast participation in them. The most he had heard your voice during that time had been when you'd direct the members on how to enunciate a line or two – and even then, Vernon felt enamored. Now here Vernon was, peeking from the small opening of the door as he witnessed you sing what seemed to be an original song.

Your back was facing him as you sat on the floor, simply facing the wall in front of you. Your voice was low, as was your strumming. It was likely you didn't want anyone to hear you. Almost as if you were hiding your skill, not wanting anyone to be aware of it.

Vernon couldn't help but think that this was the consequence of his actions. Did you think you weren't made to perform anymore? Not even in private? Had his betrayal caused this in you? The thought made him sick, knowing how much you loved music.

His thoughts were promptly interrupted by a sudden halt in your playing, hearing your voice speak up.

"I know you're there, Vernon," you said without even needing to turn around to face him.

"I- How did you-"

You began to get up, putting your guitar away, "I heard the door squeak a bit, and you're the only person who would be interested enough in hearing me play to stay and watch."

He knew you hadn't meant it in a self-deprecating way, but the thought of you believing that there wasn't a crowd of people who'd die to hear you perform felt like a punch in the gut.

"You still sound amazing. You got even better, somehow."

"Vernon, stop. You don't have to-"

"Please. Let me at least compliment you. I mean it. You're amazing. It's a huge disservice to the world that you're not out there performing your own music," he chuckled humorlessly by the end, attempting to appeal to you somehow.

Surprisingly to him, you chuckled back in a similar manner, choosing to recline against one of the tables in the room rather than leave now that Vernon was speaking to you – something you'd usually do if you were ever in a room alone with him.

"I've never been much of a soloist. You know that."

Taking a leap, Vernon chose to lean against the table too, taking a seat close to you.

"I'm sure people would be lining up for a chance to work with you, c'mon."

"Not, you, though. Right?"

He groaned, throwing his head back in frustration, "Listen ..."

"I'm kidding, Vernon, relax."

That surprised him. Maybe the time had allowed you to feel comfortable enough to tease Vernon about it. Fuck. You were speaking to him. That in itself was more progress than he'd had in years.

Usually, he would've responded with a joke back, but he decided to drive his point home instead.

"I'd kill for you to even consider playing with me again."

Your mood visibly shifted at that, squirming a bit and looking down at his words.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

This time your sarcasm didn't deter him. He had an opening. You were talking to him, after months of only doing polite small talk with him whenever you were forced to. Maybe it was time he was a bit stern too.

Standing up, he stood directly in front of you, towering over you a bit more than usual since you were leaning against the table.

"Listen. I know I hurt you. I know I did the worst thing I could've done to the person I loved most, okay? I think about it every day. I thought about it every single day after you cut me out of your life – which you had every right to do," he winced at the thought, "Seeing you again, knowing you made it big and that you're still making music made me so glad. So glad that even though I wasn't ever going to be part of your journey anymore, you still had music by your side. I ... I wish I had done things differently. I wish I hadn't acted so stupidly and been so easy to convince to leave you behind just for a taste of success. I deserve every bit of your hate for it, but- fuck ... but I will always keep doing everything I can to see if maybe one day you might forgive me."

"Vernon, I-"

"Wait, I'm not done," he interrupted you with a finger in the air, "I tried looking for you, you know? After you disappeared, I tried to get you back somehow. When we got dropped from the label just a few months later, I tried to find you, but you were nowhere. I wanted you back from the moment I made that stupid decision. I'd do anything for you to be up there with us on that tour, for your name to be on that album cover. Somehow we ended up making music together again, just with all this baggage in between."

"Vernon."

"What? I- Honestly I don't know what you could say to all my word vomit. I already know you hate me. Nothing I do will ever change it," he looked down with a sad look on his face.

"I don't ... I don't hate you."

His head snapped up to look at you.

"You- What?"

"I don't hate you," you repeated, "I don't think I ever did. I never left music completely, I just ... I felt so disposable. I didn't want to work with anyone who wasn't you, and you saw me as a replaceable asset. I didn't even feel like your friend at that point. I mean, it was so easy for Chan to go from second guitar to lead and just completely erase my existence from the band ... Erase it from your life."

"N-no. You have it all wrong," he got closer to you, grabbing onto your shoulders to make you look at him, "Nothing was ever the same. That's why it all failed. I couldn't function without you."

"Hah," your eyes wandered away from his in an avoidant manner, "I would've killed to hear that from you back then."

You took a breath, appearing to ponder whether or not to say your next statement, ultimately deciding on the former.

"I used to like you so much back then. Did you know?," you laughed at yourself, "It was, uh, one of the reasons why I left. I felt like I got rejected in every way. As a friend, as a bandmate, as ... as the girl who liked you."

Fuck.

It had been worse for you than Vernon ever imagined.

The same way he felt dejected at your disappearance, having been practically in love with you at the time, you must've felt that pain a hundred times over. The guy you liked threw you away so easily, of course you were going to assume Vernon would never return your feelings under those circumstances.

But you had it all wrong. Oh, so horribly wrong.

If you had ever given Vernon any indication of you liking him, he would've dropped everything for you. He knew that he should've done so regardless, specially considering you were best friends, but he was extremely immature and dumb at the time. His mind did not reason what effect his actions would have. At the time, your claims about being okay with leaving the band as long as it was for the best of its future were completely taken at face value by Vernon. Never would he have guessed that you had just said that to appease to him just because you liked him.

His prolonged silence allowed you to speak up once again.

"I really did want to try and root for you after you signed that contract, but seeing the guy I was so head over heels for throw me aside so easily settled on my mind after a few days. I realized there was no point either way. We would never be bandmates again, and you would never like me back."

"I didn't- I ... I had no idea. Fuck," he breathed a heavy breath, furrowing his eyebrows, "I was so in love with you. I'm ... I'm so incredibly in love with you."

He knew he fucked up in saying it, specially going by the shocked expression on your face. Your eyes were wide and your mouth agape.

"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry. I know this isn't what you want to hear. I- I shouldn't have said anything, but I can't help myself anymore. I've loved you for years. I've been miserable thinking about how badly you hate me when you haven't left my mind for a single day. I love you. I'm sorry, I just ... I love you."

"Vernon ..."

He threw his hands up in frustration, "Don't. Fuck, I already know what you're going to say, just ... just don't-"

"Vernon, shut up!", you grabbed onto his head, making him lower himself down to you a bit and look into your eyes.

Vernon wasn't quite sure what your original plan was, but he saw you open and close your mouth a few times to speak, ultimately giving up to do something that would break Vernon's mind for the upcoming future.

Your lips against his own was something he thought of an embarrassing amount of times during his teens (and even now during his 20's), but it was always something he was certain would never happen. He had never actually planned for what he would do if you ever actually granted his wish. And so he remained limp against you for a few moments too long, making you pull away at the lack of reciprocation.

This was something he just couldn't have. In no world could he ever allow you to ever feel like he didn't want you. Never again. Before you could fully pull away, his arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you to your tip toes so that he could kiss you properly. When your feet flattened on the ground, his lips chased after yours, leaning down to keep himself connected to you.

The kiss was soft and delicate. There were some breathy sighs that were making Vernon's head feel fuzzy, but the kiss was innocent otherwise.

Or at least that was how it started.

Vernon wasn't sure who licked their way into the other's mouth first, but that bit of information didn't matter too much. What mattered was that gorgeous moan you let out when his tongue suckled on yours. What mattered was the way you let your body become limp against his touch, letting him back you up against the table and sit you on it. What mattered were your hands pulling at his hair in sheer desperation for more.

You weren't the only culprit, though. Vernon was equally, if not more, desperate for you. His mind and his body were in a battle, with one wanting to pull away and discuss what your current feelings for him where, and the other fighting the urge to flip you around and bend you over the table.

Thankfully, you made the decision for him.

Your hands snuck under his shirt, delicate fingers gracing the skin of his stomach before allowing your hands to freely feel up his abs and chest. Shuddering, he became lightheaded at the simple contact, having been in such constant want for your touch all these years that even the simplest of contact had him losing his sanity. Unlike you, his hands were not as daring as yours in fear of scaring you away somehow. They remained rubbing your clothed waist and hips, far too shy to do what they really yearned to.

Images flashed in his head of every nasty thing he wanted to do to you. Every single night in which you'd somehow invade his mind with a fog of lust came running back, a myriad of ideas making it all the harder to hold back. He wanted you to have control. As hard as it was to just sit there and will his already prominent boner into staying still, Vernon could not act on any desire. You had to be the one to initiate it.

And thank fucking god you did.

Within some short moments, your hands threw off Vernon's shirt, pulling him closer to you as you became even more shameless in how you felt him up. Seeing his hands remain stagnant on your waist, you disconnected his lips, staring into his own with a blissed out look on your face.

Fuck.

You were already fucked up. Your eyes had nothing but lust in them. They had a hard time not making their way to his lips, which were still dangerously close to your own. He couldn't blame you. Despite being out of breath from kissing all this time, his own lips were already aching to encompass your own again.

Before he could kiss you again with a petulant whine, your hands guided his own to your clothed breasts, pressing them up against his palms with a delicious little whine that made Vernon press his cock against the table under you.

"Touch me? Feel me up? Fuck ... want your hands all over me," you breathed between sensual licks at his open mouth.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

How was he supposed to do this?

You sounded so pretty for him ... so horny and needy and just so fucking desperate for him.

You were the prettiest fucking thing he had ever seen – and you were begging for Vernon to feel you up? You were already begging and he hadn't even had the chance to actually touch you yet? Vernon had no idea how he was going to survive you, but he'd just have to will his body into doing so.

He didn't need any further instruction, his hands immediately following the task of rubbing and squeezing at every inch of skin. Every clothed curve was victim to his grabby hands, touching you and pressing you up against him like he'd die if he didn't. Your breathy little moans at his touch only made him feel like even more of a depraved animal.

You kissed and kissed and kissed. It was the nastiest mess of tongues and saliva, but Vernon couldn't help but feel extremely turned on by it. You were so ... so fucking desperate for him. Shameless in your actions, you licked and sucked at his tongue, holding his jaw in place so you could do as you pleased with his tongue. And when he couldn't match your pace due to how foggy his mind was? You stopped him, breathing against his lips that you'd show him how you liked to be kissed just before licking sensually into his mouth yet again.

Having been far too into the kiss, Vernon didn't even notice when you started undoing his belt, hands teasing his cock occasionally by gracing it through his pants and immediately coming back up when his hips tried to chase your touch.

"Baby ... Need you so bad," you moaned at him after a while.

'Baby'? He was 'baby' now?

Vernon couldn't even take a minute to process the lustful voice in which you had called him baby before his poor, weak, lust-ridden brain got distracted by you pulling your own shirt off.

It was almost comical the way in which Vernon froze at the sight. The two gorgeous mounds staring at him, pretty bralette encompassing them as you grabbed his hands and put them on your tits, begging him to touch you there. And Vernon wasn't an idiot. He touched you to his heart's contentment, groaning against your mouth every time you'd arch your back and press your chest up against his hands even more.

You were an entirely different version from the one he'd always known. You were so needy and soft and sensitive, completely unlike the stubborn and cold side of you you had shown him these past months. But Vernon wasn't about to complain when he had you so pliant for him, so whiny as you pleaded for him to touch you more.

His hands tugged and pinched at your nipples, lips swallowing every single cry of pleasure you let out. Your own hands scratched at his chest, with harsher marks being left behind every time he pinched at your tits relatively hard.

Growing easily frustrated, you separated his hands from your breasts, throwing off your bra before beginning to grind against him, encouraging him to push up his hips against your own.

Vernon was already painfully hard at just the privilege of feeling you up, so he was somewhat scared that he might end up cumming in his pants if you kept this up for so long. All it took was one single bump of your cunt against his cock for him to throw that concern aside and grind into your awaiting cunt as the two of you continued to kiss.

Breathless, he pulled away, finally getting to have a view of your nude breasts. That's when he lost control of himself.

He groaned and moaned and made every inhumane noise you could think of as he made love to your tits with his tongue. Never had he ever put so much dedication into anything as he did into making out with your tits. And fuck was it worth it. Your hips sped up against his own, hands burying in his hair as you pressed his head against your tit and cried his name in the prettiest of sighs.

There was no way in hell Vernon was going to last. He needed a saving grace.

Mustering all his willpower, Vernon disconnected himself from you completely, grabbing your hand and walking you over to the couch in the studio. On his way there, he kicked off his already loose pants and threw off his shoes. His original plan was to lay you down on it, crawl over you as he kissed every inch of your body and then worship his way into fucking you missionary, – so he could see and kiss you all throughout, just in the way he always imagined – but you stopped him in his tracks.

Pushing him onto the couch, you sat him down before shuffling your sweats off and straddling him, putting your hands on his shoulders.

"I wanna ride you. Can I?", you asked, getting straight to the point.

"You- you wanna .."

"I've been thinking about this since high school. And ... you kinda owe me, you know, after kicking me out of my own band," you joked.

"If letting you ride me is payback, then I take it back. I regret nothing," this granted him a frown and a slap on his chest, but he took it as a champ, enjoying the familiar banter he once shared with you.

Placing his large hands on your hips, he somehow got you even closer to him, "Ride me? Hmm, baby?", he kissed up your neck, taking advantage of the clear desire he knew you felt for him.

"I, ah ... Nonnie ... Please. Want your cock, it's so big," you sighed, neck tilting so he could have more space to kiss.

"Gotta prep you first, baby."

You shook your head, huffing, "'m already so wet, Nonnie. Wanna feel?"

With no warning, you snuck your hand under the tiny little excuse for panties you were wearing, gathering some tasty nectar for him to taste. He let out a gruttal groan at your taste, feeling lightheaded at the thought of someday having the privilege to eat your cunt until you begged and sobbed for him to stop.

But that would come some other day. Now, he needed to sit you down on his cock before he lost his mind. If you thought you were wet enough, and you were desperate enough to beg for him repeatedly, then who was he to deny you?

Helping you awkwardly remove your panties while he shoved his boxers down as much as he could while sitting, he helped you lift yourself up a bit to line him up, throwing his head back when you instead chose to drag his tip up and down your cunt.

"Baby ... If you don't sit on me, I'm going to fucking cum before I even get to feel you, and I don't wanna embarrass myself like that. So, please let me have it," he begged for a change, eyes squeezed shut as he attempted to make his body hold back as much as possible.

Taking pity on him (or likely just equally as horny), you finally sat down on him, showing very small signs of struggle at his size.

"F-fuck ... Nonnie, it's so big, it's so- Oh ... fuck."

"Nonnie! Feels so good ... Oh, it's so good, Nonnie."

"Baby, need more ... Need you to fuck me. Please? Cock's so fucking good."

"Want it in my mouth, Nonnie. It's so thick n so fucking big. Looks so, fuck, so delicious. Wanna choke on it so bad ..."

These were only some of the filthy expletives you cried out as you bounced on his cock like a depraved girl. You desire for him alone was enough to make Vernon want to give up and dedicate his body to your pleasure, knowing that your gorgeous body would always give him the same, if not more, pleasure in return.

It got so bad for him that at some point, he simply couldn't hold back anymore, his feet settling firmly on the ground before tightening his grip on your hips and beginning to bounce you up and down his cock while his hips canted up with inmensurable speed.

"Cunt's so tight, baby. Never letting you go again. 's all for me, right? Get to have you every day now," he mumbled against your chest, lips chasing your tits every now and then.

"Y-yes, Nonnie. All for you! Missed you so much, Nonnie. Thought of you every day," you hiccuped, back arching to give him better access to your tits, "I was so heartbroken over you ... Never letting you go now. You're mine. Right, Nonnie?"

He nodded and cried at your words, heartbroken just at the thought of your own heartbreak. He had to remind himself that none of that mattered anymore. Now he finally had you. The dam had finally broken and allowed the two of you to end your prolonged animosity and give you a chance to finally be his. Just how he had been yours all these years.

Your love making (if you could even call it that considering the animalistic nature of it) could only last so long before Vernon finally burst, which meant he had to take matters into his own hands and make sure you found your end with him. Reaching between you, his hand searched for your clit, finding it in only a few seconds. Disconnecting his head from your chest, he went back to kissing your neck, reaching your ear so he could talk you through your orgasm.

"Need you to cum for me, okay, baby? Love you so much ... Need to cum together, pretty, yeah?",

"L-love you! So much, Nonnie ... Never stopped."

Those were the last words you managed to let out before your orgasm took over you, whining the prettiest cries Vernon had ever heard. The tightening of your cunt finally allowed Vernon to let go, joining you in your high as neither of your hips halted their movements.

Holding you all throughout, Vernon had never felt as close to anyone else as he did to you in this moment. If you needed to hate him in order to protect yourself from his betrayal, then Vernon fully accepted it. No part of him blamed you for keeping him at an arm's length at all times. Specially if this was the final outcome. Now that he finally had you, he didn't care what journey he had to live through to get here. All he cared about was the gorgeous girl of his dreams crying in his arms as pleasure overtook her.

Your orgasms had been so incredibly intense that you needed some moments to catch your breaths before speaking up. That, and all the emotions that must've been going through your minds.

Holding each other despite the silence, you stayed like that for a few minutes, simply nuzzling against each other as a demonstration of love for one another. Vernon's mind still couldn't believe the reciprocation of your feelings. His heart was still beating far too loud under your touch, but he felt at ease.

"I really do love you," he spoke against your neck, "And I'll never stop regretting what I did to you."

You created a small distance between you to look at him, caressing his cheek in your hand as you spoke.

"I'll never be okay with what you did, but I love you. You were young, and you made a mistake. I can't stand hating you anymore."

He smiled, turning his head to kiss the palm you had against his cheek.

"You can hate me, as long as you love me too," he said. He knew it made no sense, but he also knew you understood.

"I love you," you said again with a smile.

"I love you."

to read short 2.3k word continuation you can go join my monthly tier on kofi or patreon!

content: smut, afab reader, comfort sex, face riding, penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 714 (teaser); 2379 (full drabble)

sneak peak:

"Isn't it unprofessional for you to ask an ex member to join the band again just cause you're sleeping together?", asked Chan as he tuned his guitar absentmindedly.

"For the last time, that's not why I'm asking her. I've wanted her back for years, you guys know this. I'm just rectifying a mistake."

You giggled from your seat on the couch, enjoying that the guys still gave Vernon a hard time for what he had done all those years back.

The news of your relationship had come as a surprise only to a few people. Most of your friends had seen it coming from miles. The sexual tension was just too high, or at least that's what Jeonghan had said when you first broke the news, Seungkwan nodding in agreement.

After that day in the studio, you and Vernon entered an annoyingly disgusting honeymoon phase. Unfortunately for everyone else, this phase seemed to be endless. Two months in, and you were still attached to the hip, unable to keep your hands or eyes away from each other.

Your newfound revelation of love for Vernon also brought back up old dynamics between the two of you. With his encouragement, you began occasionally playing with the guys, sometimes joining in as second guitar on stage, standing at the back, right next to Vernon and his drums. Your relationship was a point of conversation for fans, but you still kept it private among the people in the company.

Currently, Vernon had made the executive decision that he wanted you to officially be featured in a remixed version of one of their most successful songs from their debut album. The plan had already been there, but Vernon's suggestion of having you on the track rather than anyone else had surprised some people at the company, especially when they found out you agreed.

Vernon had been incredibly busy all week, leaving this as the first time he'd been able to see all of you together to briefly discuss the future plans for the track. His plan was to make a quick stop and then finally rest in your arms back at your apartment.

"Anyways, you should never forget that she was lead guitar before you ever were. We could always just send you to the back again," interrupted Seungkwan, giving Chan an unserious yet pointed look.

Chan raised his hands in defense, "Hey! I'm not the one who kicked her out!"

Groaning, Vernon walked over to you and buried his face in your neck, tired features clear in his face as he wrapped his arms around your waist, "Make them stop. Please."

Giggling again, you opted for a better option, taking the clearly tired boy by the hand and leaving the studio, bidding your goodbyes to the guys.

You had only stopped by to say hi to your friends while on your way to your apartment, knowing Vernon was tired from a long day of recording for various other activities he had recently embarked in as a new face in the industry. They were already aware you'd be recording a song with them, but simply enjoyed giving Vernon a hard time. Maybe even more than you did.

On the ride home, Vernon had fallen asleep, absentmindedly cuddling against you on the back of the car. Vernon had naturally taken on the role of the main face of the group, which also came with endless work and promotions he sometimes had to do solo, just like today. You were more fortunate in that area, making most of your money off royalties and not needing to make public appearances at any point.

When you finally arrived home, you continued dragging Vernon along with you, who would only groan occasionally at the thought of even stepping foot into the elevator. Making it all the way to your suite had taken a while due to the size of the building, but when you made it, Vernon immediately threw off his shirt and stripped down to his boxers, letting himself fall face first into the bed, groaning at the mattress cushioning his fall.

You stared for a few moments, thinking of what you could do to help your tired boyfriend relax after a tiresome week of work. Then the idea suddenly came to you.

...

find 2.3k word continuation on either kofi or patreon!

[soobnny]

classmate au | park jay

❝ come with me to the canteen, i’ll pay for whatever you want ❞

heeseung | JAY | jake | sunghoon | sunoo | jungwon | ni-ki

honestly, jay usually just keeps to himself

sooooooo campus crush.

someone play message in a bottle by taylor swift

he only goes crazy when he’s with his friends but like tbh i don’t see him going around and socializing in the classroom 😭

he usually waits for his classmates to come to him ykwim

he’s also def a morning person

arrives to school like a whole HOUR before class starts

his parents probably drive him to school and drop him off on the way to work

he’ll just be sitting in his seat in the middle

minding his own business .. doing last minute homework .. on his phone

jay is annoying bc he’s the natural smart type

like he’ll just know random shit

he’s the type to mumble the answers under his breath during oral recitation

TO HELP !!!! TO HELP !!!!

you only have a few memories with the boy and the most prominent is just so silly

you had one of those by-three quiz bee type of activity in school where u had to write ur answers on a small whiteboard and raise them

jay’s group was seated in front of you

and he’d just notice you leaning forward and trying to copy off them bc ur team is hopeless 😭😭😭😭

SO he angles his whiteboard while answering so you can see better

to the point where when the teacher looks back he just shoves it in ur face right away

ur teams laughed so hard

but yah !!!! just a funny memory to remember him by

you don’t realize you live in the same neighborhood until you commute back home together once

insert spider-man meme here

“you also live here?”

“yeah, i do”

so, on the occasion that his parents pick him up from school in their fancy car, he lets you ride with them back home

and when commuting, he always makes sure to guarantee you a seat if that’s like a train or bus

also stands in front of you so strangers can’t be weird and creepy

since then, you always ride with him home whether that’s in their family car or commuting

it’s a silent agreement

and he gets so used to it to the point that he WAITS for you sometimes…

[faints]

you’d be caught up in your club meeting and just see jay hovering outside the classroom???

he’s on his phone, totally unaware of you heading towards his direction

“hey, you done?,” he’ll say, backpack swung behind him as he reaches to take yours

“you didn’t have to wait for me,” you’d reply shyly

“but we always go home together, don’t we? besides, it’s getting late and it’s not safe for you to commute back home at night”

JAYYYYYYY… the man that you are

when he gets comfortable, he starts talking to u in class too

like not just casual conversation

he’d full on sit next to you and gossip

which surprises u bc you’ve never seen him willingly get off his seat to gossip with someone

NOW important thing to note is that your canteen is like three buildings away from your classroom so it’s a long walk

this mf always asks you to come to the canteen with him during free period or when the teacher doesn’t show up to class

“let’s go to the canteen”

“no, it’s tiringgg”

“i’ll get you whatever you want”

“ok let’s go!”

he’s balling 😭😭😭😭

jay just lets you get whatever you want in the canteen

true to his word, he pays for all of it

it’s kind of being his secret tactic to manipulating you to come with him to things

but who’s rly winning??? you get FREE things and u hang out with THE pretty jay

he thinks he wins tho😕😕 bc he likes u and loves spending time with u

so when that “no” forms on ur lips, he knows exactly what to do to force you to come with him

THO u do pay for his food sometimes or the fare for commuting back home bc u feel bad for taking his money

oh jay also gives me the one who offers to have practice over at their house

you are a frequent visitor in his house

his parents know u… the housekeepers… everyone just knows you at this point

you even go to some of their family dinners together when u hang out and his dad suddenly wants to eat out

“bring (name)” PLSSSSSS

they’d be interrogating u and getting to know u and ur family lots

jay’s the one that gets embarrassed and tells them to stop !!!!!!!

sometimes his mom would let him bring food for u in school

“this is (name)’s favorite, right??”

his parents LOVE you

u just become part of their family 😭

to the point that they say “about time” when jay finally asks you to be his girlfriend

“finally!!! she was basically already my daughter anyway!!!” his parents would say

BUT THE QUESTION IS

How does he ask u to be his gf

i have a story for U !!!!!!!!

it’s one of ur school events and u’re one of the people going around taking photos for the paper or so u could post it on the school page

you would stumble upon him during his contest

he would give you a quick smile before going back to Concentration Mode

THEN u kind of get tired walking around the whole campus so u hang by ur room where all ur other classmates with no contests are

AND THERE’S A GUITAR

you don’t know how to play the guitar

you jokingly get it and put it on your lap just as jay walks into the room

his eyes light up and he’s stumbling to sit next to you, asking if you know how to play

you don’t 💔💔💔💔💔

so he teaches you BYE

he helps you learn some basic chords and some strumming patterns

would whisper a few words of praise even at the smallest things that you get right

jay is SOOOOO encouraging that it’s painful

would make so much accidental eye contacts at ur close proximity

anyways this school event lasts a few days

SO at the last day .. during awarding .. he asks if you’re busy and if you could meet him at ur classroom

it’s empty obv bc everyone is at the court for the awarding

HE CONFESSES

Yes just like that. jay confesses to u.

it’s so clear he’s nervous bc of his foot tapping and his fumbling hands and how he can’t make eye contact all of a sudden

ofc u say YES

when you go to upload the photos for the school event .. u find some pictures of u taken by him 🥹

[beccarodeupontheafternoontrain]

Guest in the Relationship

Damian Wayne x reader

Word count: 3024

Warnings: mugging, some violence, slight angst and unedited

First work I’ve written in a long time so constructive criticism is welcomed, but please be kind and I hope you enjoy :)

I looked at the clock on my bedside table. 7:34. It had been over an hour since Damian was supposed to pick me up for our date. I'd been discussing how much I wanted to see this film for months at this point - ever since the first promo trailer dropped. The tickets I had bought for opening night went unused in my desk drawer from another date Damian had forgotten or been late to.

The number of dates planned but gone uncompleted seemed insurmountable now, endless even. In the year and a half I'd been dating Damian I had gotten used to the constant family emergencies, other plans he had or straight up just him forgetting you had plans in the first place. Damian always apologised profusely afterwards and I had always forgiven him. It was a non-problem. Yes it hurt and was annoying, but it wasn't till recently his inability to prioritise you had become a problem. Jon had gotten himself a boyfriend, a boyfriend who showed up to every date early bearing gifts for Jon. I was beyond happy my best friend had finally found himself someone, but a green lens always covered my vision when he told me about how perfect his relationship was. Especially when he mentioned how him and his boyfriend had gone to see the film I seemed to have mentioned in nearly every sentence I'd spoken as of recent. To top the cake this conversation occurred at a friend lunch date which Damian cancelled going to last minute because of a 'family emergency'. I refused to think about what or rather who a family emergency was. I glanced at the clock again, 7:43. If I didn't leave soon I'd miss the film, again, I wasn't going to waste anymore cinema tickets. With a sigh I braced myself and my heart for once again doing something alone that I was supposed to, should be doing with Damian.

The film had barely reached the halfway point when I finally decided to leave the screen. The vice grip holding my heart captive was too much to handle, the pain was making me physically sick. The film was just as good as Jon had said, I just wished Damian was there to see it with me or had at least replied to one of my texts asking where he was. My heart hurt so much from the disappointment of not only missing Damian, but also from not being able to enjoy the film i'd been waiting for, for so long. Did I really mean so little to Damian? Surely he would have broken up with me by now if he had no interest in me. But then why did we barely see each other anymore, I couldn't even recall the last time we saw each other outside of school. Maybe he just didn't know how to break up with me. My heart burned just at the thought he didn't want me anymore. Tears started rushing down my face, harder than before. I couldn't walk back into the screen like this, I just needed to go back to my house. Despite the 45 minutes in the dark it would take, I decided to walk home, I couldn't bear the idea of anyone on the bus giving me funny looks for crying. I should have really performed a risk assessment before walking around Gotham at night, but I was too focused on trying to calm my heavy breathing and halt my tears.

My steps sped up when my front door became visible, I really just wanted to sleep. I was too distracted to notice the balaclava clad man who had been following me for two blocks already. He grabbed me from behind, covering my mouth to prevent me from screaming for help and pulled me into the closest alleyway. I knew a bruise was going to form from where he shoved me against the wall. My tear's amplified significantly, this was quite frankly the worst time I could be mugged. A knife found its way against my neck "empty your pockets." his words were slow and clear - no fear of being caught by one of the many vigilantes who called Gotham their home. "I don't have anything." Any attempts I was making to appear strong to the man in front of me failed miserably due to the cracking of my voice. My never ending crying from past hour and a bit had done me no favours. The mugger placed the knife more firmly against my neck "I won't repeat myself again" his lips were so close to grazing my ear "empty your pockets." I couldn't see any clear escape from this situation, I needed to try and diffuse it. "Please, I really don't have anything!" My voice was considerably louder and more firm this time. I could feel the edge of the knife slowly cutting into the skin of my neck. Where was the obnoxious bird inspired superhero when you needed him. He always seemed to be lurking around your neighbourhood, so why now was he failing to grace you with his presence. The mugger pushed me further against the wall, hard, so hard I could feel the brickwork through my raincoat. He pushed one hand into my pockets while the other kept the knife placed at my throat. The man got increasingly angered as spare change, my film ticket and a piece of gum fell to the floor. When he finally took my phone out of my pocket, I could tell there was a low chance of me escaping this encounter unscathed. My 5 year old iPhone would barely get him enough money to buy a meal at Bamonte's. The man's body language caused my heart even faster I feared it might actually leave my body. I had never seen someone so angry. He grabbed my face with both hands, the roughness of his hands could leave cuts on my skin themselves. His grip became impossibly tighter on my face in order for him to smash my face into the brick behind. A loud pained yelp escaped my lips. Pleads begging someone would help invade my mind - bird themed hero or neighbour, anyone. The man stepped back, twirling his knife in his hand, staring at me like he was contemplating what to do next. I screamed. It was the only option I had left, there were no other means to escape this situation. There was no way I could overpower this man, especially when he was wielding a knife he'd already cut me with. All I could do was scream for help and pray someone would hear me.

Luckily for me and unfortunately for the man in front of me, a caped shadow appeared from behind the man. Relief possessed my body as I watched the mugger be knocked out. Where moments prior rough hands gripped my face, now gloved hands cradle my cheeks. Jade green eyes analysing my face in a silent question. A question I was not yet ready to answer. Instead I wrapped my arms around Robin's shoulders burying my head in the crook of his neck, the phrase thank you becoming my mantra. Me and Robin had only stumbled across each other a handful of times previously, usually on a late night walk of mine where he started off by lecturing me of the dangers of walking around alone at night and ended with us stargazing on my fire escape discussing our secrets.

I am unsure what happened over the next few minutes, shock and tears overtook my body. All I am sure of is that Robin held me throughout it all. He let me stay holding him, kissing my temple and stroking my hair, reassuring me everything was okay now. When I finally felt like I could breathe again, I removed my head from where it rested against Robin's shoulder so I could look at him "I'm sorry." I said, my voice reverting back to its hoarse quiet mess as a result of my crying. He shook his head at me, removing the remnants of my tears with his fingers. "There's no need to be sorry." I hesitantly smile at him "I guess I should have listened more to your lectures." My attempt at brightening the mood fails when Robin doesn't reciprocate my smile. "I need you to promise me that you'll never walk alone at night again." His greens pleaded with me to listen to him as he continued even more seriously. "If I hadn't gotten there when I had" Robin cuts himself off, looking away from me and swallowed harshly. "I need you to promise me so I know you're safe. I might not always be there to protect you." When he finally looked back at me the desperation in his eyes was clear as day. I presented him with my pinky "I promise." His bodily visibly relaxed in front of me as he joined our pinkies together.

"Do you know what time it is?" I asked Robin. "Nearly half 10. Why?" He seemed genuinely baffled as why that would be the first proper thing I thought about after the type of attack I just endured. "Do you know where my phone is?" I chose to ignore his confusion. Robin looked at the floor, searching for where the mugger had dropped my phone. Fortunately, bar a few scratches to the screen, my phone had survived the attack. I had two notifications, one from my mum which arrived before the attack asking for my ETA and another from Jon asking if me and Damian enjoyed the film. No messages from Damian. None. It had been over 4 hours since we were supposed to meet. I could feel the tears start to well back up in my eyes. This wasn't the first time he hadn't responded to my messages, but it had never happened at a time where I really needed him. I needed to go home and I didn't mean the building across the road. I needed to be in Damien's arms.

I looked towards Robin who was collecting my belongings from where the man had dropped them on the pavement. I wanted to escape this situation now. Taking a breath in an attempt to contain my tears, I watched as Robin paused when he picked up my film ticket from the ground an almost incoherent curse coming from his mouth. "I really need to get home now." My teeth clenched, I was so close to crying again. I refuse to cry in front of Robin again tonight. "Thank you so much for everything." Robin opened his mouth as if to respond but I turned around before he could speak a word, practically sprinting to my front door. I just needed to hide in my bed from the world for a while. Too much had happened in such a short space of time. I needed to debate what to do about the whole Damian situation and process the attack I just experienced.

Two hours later and my phone had not stopped buzzing. Damian had been calling and messaging me non-stop to apologise and ask if I'm okay. While all I wanted was for him to hold me and make me feel safe again, how could that happen when I felt like a guest in our relationship. I know I needed to message him to reassure him I was okay and that I just needed time, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Taylor Swift was blasting through my headphones so it was no surprise I didn't hear the knock at my window, or the second, or the third or when the red caped vigilante entered my room. I only noticed him when the duvet protecting me from the rest of the world was removed around my head.

"Hey." Robin seemed nervous. He was never nervous. I sat up in my bed curious as to not only why he was here but also to why he looked so nervous. "Hi." My voice sounded stronger than it had the last time we spoke. He pushed a small rectangular piece of paper into my hands, it was the film ticket I'd left with him before. I looked up at him, tilting my head in confusion. "I just came to return this." His speech was hurried. "And to make sure you're okay of course." I'd thought nothing could ruffle the feathers of this bird, but seemingly I was wrong and I needed to get to the bottom of why he was acting so weirdly. I decided to answer him truthfully. "Apart from the cut to my neck and the probably never ending trauma, I'd say I'm doing okay considering." Robin's eyes flew to my neck, he hadn't noticed the cut till now. "It's really nothing, I'm okay, I swear." I patted the bed next to me as an offer for him to sit, but also in an effort to eradicate the new found fury on Robin's face. Turning to Robin I say "now why don't you tell me what's wrong with you." Robin's anger quickly turns back into apprehension, but his eyes never leave the small cut on my neck. "I don't know what you mean." He replies, words slightly slower than before. I roll my eyes at him, I repeat myself . He's short with his response "nothing." There was no way I was letting this boy leave my room without a proper explanation. "So you go to every damsels room after you rescue them then?" Robins quick response of no was partnered with a shake of the head so familiar to me. Odd. "Then why come visit me after?" Robin was stumped by this question, constantly opening his mouth to answer before closing it again. He finally settled on an answer. "You seemed upset about something else other than the incident earlier" he looked me in the eyes before continuing, god they looked so similar to my favourite pair. Obviously missing Damian was making me look for him in places he had no right being. "As somewhat friends I wanted to see what I could do to help." I'd blanked out half of what Robin had said with my thoughts of Damian. If I was going to get to the bottom of why Robin was acting so weirdly I needed to tell him the truth first. "In all honesty" I started, hands playing with the Wolf teddy given to me by Damian "I'm having some relationship trouble and I don't know what to do about it." Robin's back got impossibly straighter "Problems?" He said through gritted teeth, like he was in pain. "What kind of problems?" I gripped the Wolf harder "I don't think my boyfriend loves me anymore." Tears started to fall down my cheeks as Robin sucked in a breath next to me. He looked just as shell shocked as I felt admitting the fact out loud. Robin placed his arm over my shoulders and drew comforting circles on my arm. "What makes you think that?" Robin seemed to really struggle to ask the question, I found it even harder to answer. "I'm not a priority to him anymore, if I ever was. He's constantly creating excuses not to see or talk to me. Damian is keeping so many secrets from me and there's never ending lies." Tears were falling freely from my eyes now, I didn't care if Robin saw them anymore. Robin was shaking his head, but I finished my ramble about mine and Damian's relationship before he could get a word in "I think there may be another girl." Robin looked stricken, panicked, immediately voicing his disagreement with my conclusion. "I can assure you that is not the case at all" his hands are on my face, trying to get me to look at him but I keep my gaze averted. "How would you know?" Venom tainted my voice. I didn't want to be mean but how on Earth would Robin of all people know of Damian's feelings. Robin called my name, desperation plaguing his words. When I still didn't look at him, too angry to dare, he called me by my nickname "Habibti."

My head whipped round to face Robin's. "What did you just call me?" Instead of answering me, he covered my hands with his and directed them towards his domino mask. "What are you doing?" I ask hesitantly "It's okay, Habibti." I slowly peel away the mask to reveal my boyfriend's face. "I can assure you that I do love you Beloved, more than anything." Damian moves my hands to cover his heart "I'm so sorry my actions have made it seem otherwise. You mean the world to me, Habibti." I moved away from him, sitting on the opposite side of the bed to him. "You lied to me." I said. This was obviously not the reaction Damian was hoping for because the calm that had passed over his face once I removed the mask had quickly turned back into panic. He said my name softly and tried to get closer to me. I clambered off the bed in an attempt to get away from him. "I think I need some time." Damian looked as if I'd just burnt down his whole word and moved towards me again. I retreated back a step, halting his movements and causing more anguish to paint his face. "No." I said "Damian, I need some time to think. Please give me that time." He simply nodded his head, fixed his mask back into position and left through my open window.

I chose to keep Damian's Gotham Academy Orchestra hoodie on as I slipped back into bed, cocooning myself in my duvet and replaying the scene that just occurred over and over again in my head. What was I going to do. What was I supposed to do. I grabbed my wolf teddy and clutched it tighter to my chest. I had no idea what the next move I was going to make was, but I knew I had to decide soon.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Can I get a Record of Ragnarok x Odins Youngest Daughter! Reader? Who is Norse Child Goddess of the Stars, the Night, the Moon, and Wishes. And she likes the humans and likes to talk to the Ragnarok human fighters. She's gotta a bubbly shy personality. Even Odin can't help but Crack a smile.

-Odin and Loki were walking down a large hallway together, heading towards a meeting room where several other gods and humans were waiting, to discuss some infrastructure in Valhalla.

-Loki had his hands behind his head as he floated alongside Odin, “Why do we have to attend this meeting? It doesn’t have anything to do with us.”

-Odin rolled his eye softly at Loki’s whining, and he went to speak with footsteps filled their air around them, little ones that didn’t belong to either of them.

-When Odin stopped, so did the footsteps, and when he started again, so did the mystery footsteps and he couldn’t help the smile that wormed its way to his lips.

-Loki couldn’t help but pout, seeing the smile, “Why do you smile when Y/N does it, but get mad when I do it?”

-Without hesitation, Odin answered, “Because you’re annoying and Y/N isn’t.” Loki held his chest like he had been insulted before he quickly turned and rushed to you, scooping you up into his arms, making you squeal as he spun around, whining to you, “Y/N~~ Odin’s being mean to me again~~”

-Odin turned as Loki floated over and Odin held out his hands to you, taking you in his arms, holding you up, “And what are you doing here, little one?”

-You beamed brightly up at him, blinding Odin, Muginn, Huginn, and Loki with your adorableness, “I saw you going on an adventure, papa, so I wanted to come too!”

-That’s how you saw all things that took you or anyone else away from your home in the Norse Pantheon, an adventure.

-Loki cooed, holding his cheeks on how cute you were while Odin couldn’t help but smile, as he decided to bring you along to the meeting as well, with hopes that nobody would say anything, he didn’t want to get violent with you around.

-You were his adorable little princess after all.

-When you entered the meeting hall, you saw a bunch of other people, humans and gods, there, waiting for everyone to arrive.

-Your eyes instantly lit up as Odin sat you down and you ran over to Hercules and Leonidas, both who greeted you warmly as Hercules swept you up, grinning brightly.

-Odin thought it was a little odd, seeing you being so social with others, especially humans, but then again, you were a sweet child, one that loved humanity. He still felt guilty for making you cry when you found out about Ragnarok before it had been cancelled, as you didn’t want humanity to be destroyed. You had so many friends in the humans, you didn’t want to lose them!

-Hercules sat you down and you went around to greet the other people that you knew, being an adorable ray of sunshine, which was funny because you were a nighttime goddess, being the Goddess of stars, night, moon, and wishes.

-A new face popped up, greeting you brightly, “Hello there little one, who are you?” You knew that this was Anubis, but he was someone you didn’t personally know.

-Despite being so bubbly and open with others, when faced with this new person, you surprised Anubis by stepping behind Lu Bu, peeking out from behind him, holding onto the leg of his pants.

-Anubis clutched his chest, quickly falling to his knees, overwhelmed by your cuteness, “So cute!!” Odin rolled his eye lightly, as you were still holding onto Lu Bu, but out a bit as Anubis offered you his hand, and soon you were smiling, being so warm and bubbly with him.

-Odin couldn’t help but smile, seeing you looking so happy, as the meeting was late to get started, as everyone wanted to greet you, wanting to experience your adorable cuteness for themselves.

-By the time the meeting started, you were sitting in Odin’s lap, fast asleep, a small smile on your face, content with seeing all your friends, both new and old.

-Odin glared at those getting loud, silently threatening them with harm if they woke you up. He was such a good papa to you.

[jensettermandu]

looking for you in sunsets - rosé

genre; angst, some fluff

pairing; rosé x g!p reader

content warning; mature and sensitive topics that might not be suitable for everyone dealing with mental health issues. prioritize your health.

description; she is always there for you. you're always there for her. you two are always there for each other no matter how far away you two are and nothing would ever change that.

words; 22k+

masterlist

You sighed, toning out all the noise in the classroom with your eyes landing on the table right beside yours, the seat by the window. They always landed there, but it was empty and it made you wonder where your best friend Chaeyoung could be right now since she wasn't where she was supposed to be.

You tapped your shoes against the ground under your feet, waiting for Chaeyoung at the bus stop where you two always met since she lived just slightly outside the city. Ignoring the older woman that glanced your way, probably annoyed with how restless you were, but you didn't like waiting or standing still for too long. Humming quietly to yourself with the sun shining extra brightly today, hitting your back and warming you up. The sound of a vehicle approaching made you look up to see Chaeyoung's bus coming your way, slowing down the closer it got to the bus stop.

The green bus came to a stop at last, the doors opening and you smiled always thinking that those buses looked funny for some reason especially when your friend would jump the little gap between the ground and the bus. She did just that, her blonde hair bouncing with her before falling gently down her shoulders, shimmering in the sun together with her brown eyes that landed on you. You smiled big and watched her smile back, her eyes squinting and you always loved seeing her eye smile because it was truly one of a kind.

You basically skipped from your spot before walking to Chaeyoung who was approaching you. No matter what, it was always like a reunion with you two even if you had seen each other just a day before. "Finally." You breathed out and hugged her around her shoulders as she wrapped her arms around your waist since she was slightly shorter. "Stop acting like you waited hours...Plus, I told you exactly at what time my bus would be here." Chaeyoung said and made you squirm away from her when she poked your sides. You rolled your eyes and looked at your wristwatch. "Well, your bus was two minutes late." You pointed out, and she shoved you before grabbing your wrist, making you walk with her before letting go once you were walking beside her.

"Two minutes Y/n, nothing I can do about the bus being late." You looked at her as she spoke, Chaeyoung looking up from the ground in front of you two and looking at you, still with a smile on her face. She was always smiling and her smile was always so contagious that you could never be in a bad mood around her. You grabbed her hand and changed direction. "Let's eat, I managed to starve while waiting." This made her groan and let you drag her as she followed with heavy steps. "I am poor at the moment, Y/n." Chaeyoung complained and you waved her off, walking towards the small place where you two would eat as it was close to the bus stop. Sitting there and eating or just had something to drink usually while waiting for her bus when she had to go home or just eat like now.

"It's fine. I got my pay just a few days ago so it's on me." You explained since it never mattered. Sometimes you would pay, sometimes she would and no one counted the pennies cause they didn't matter in the end did they? They didn't, the time you two spent together was more luxurious and precious than the money you two would spend. "Do I get a milkshake?" Chaeyoung questioned and you hummed, getting closer to the small diner. "You get anything you want while I am rich." You confirmed and let go of her hand when you reached the door, opening it for her and letting her walk in first before stepping inside right after. The smell of fries and the oil they fried in immediately attacked your nose and you greeted the guy at the counter.

-

You two sat in the booth you two would always sit at, in the furthest corner at the place by the window. Always sitting in the same spot and you two had been doing it ever since you started coming to this place which was a good six years ago. That was when your parents started allowing you two to go out alone. You and Chaeyoung had known each other for 13 years now, meeting in kindergarten at five and since then you two had always stuck together, nothing separating you two- being 18 now.

"I doubt that these fries are made of potatoes." You chuckled at what she said, watching her eat the fry she inspected just a second ago. "That's what makes them good...I've heard that they used to coat Mc fries in beef fat to get that famous flavour, not sure if they still do it." She hummed and reached for a nugget in the box you two were sharing, ordering the share box for two people, just like always knowing that it was just enough to feed you both without any leftovers. "Not knowing what's in these makes them so much better...But chicken nuggets are so relatable, they are the most relatable food out there." You stopped yourself at that and looked at her with your head tilted.

"Am I going to get to listen to slam poetry about nuggets now?" You questioned with a smile, taking a nugget and eating it to stop yourself from laughing. "Do you want to? I came up with something good." Your best friend seriously said and you nodded, Chaeyoung took another nugget and held it so you could see it too. You watched as she thought it through for a bit before looking at you.

"We are all like chicken nuggets, a nugget is not real chicken, it's fake, but yet it's so delicious but also harmful and so are we. What's behind the crust is not what we want people to think, it's not chicken, but a bunch of goop containing God knows what, that's why we don't want anyone to find out what really is in that goop we are made of. Because what if people stop thinking that we are delicious if they find out that it's not chicken, that it's all fake?...That's all." You both looked at each other, trying to stay serious but laughed in the end. "But, it makes sense, doesn't it?" Chaeyoung asked through her laughter, reaching for her milkshake to try and calm down a bit, feeling her cheeks hurt from all the smiling.

You hummed, nodding your head at what she said because it did make sense although the fact that she was using a nugget for it made it ridiculous. "It actually does...You should write a poetry book, it would earn you big nuggets." You said and laughed at your own joke, stopping when you saw that Chaeyoung wasn't laughing at it. "You know because, gold nugget and you would earn big nuggets, basically a lot of money." You tried but she only glanced at you weirdly, making you flick a fry her way. "Hey!" She exclaimed and brushed the fry off her, throwing it at the napkin beside her.

"It was funny- but whatever, I will let you pretend that it wasn't...Oh! Jennie told me that you guys have a cheer contest in what was it like two months and that it will be quite big." Chaeyoung looked up from her food at that and looked confused for a second before it hit her. Almost forgetting about the contest she and the rest of the cheer team were competing in. "Yeah, it will be quite big since it's the annual cheer contest in the region Y/n." She let out with slight sarcasm since they had it every year and you made it sound like this would be the first time. You grumbled at that, it wasn't your fault that you didn't keep track of every contest and event that was going to happen. "Whatever, I saw the confusion, you forgot yourself. But I will be there and cheer for both you and Jennie, well, basically the whole team since it's a team sport. You guys won last year and are bound to win this year too." You excitedly said as you had always been cheering for them ever since Chaeyoung joined the team.

"Who's name are you going to write on your sign?" Chaeyoung asked with a teasing tone, but you rolled your eyes. "Yours and Jennie's, like I have been doing for the past three years." You stated the obvious since she always asked the same thing whenever there was some type of cheer contest. You always had hers and your girlfriend's name on that banner that was almost always your size, wanting everyone to know who the two best women in your life were. You loved both just as much, but it was just a different kind of affection. You were sure that you could have more than one soulmate and that not all soulmates were meant to be lovers although one was your lover and the other was your best friend.

"Are you going to need two people to hold it this time too? I feel like last year was a bit overboard, you got told to put it down since you were blocking the view together with Jisoo for everyone." Chaeyoung said and chuckled as you looked down, the moment was still slightly embarrassing although Chaeyoung and Jennie found it very sweet. You decided to try your luck and together with Jisoo made a giant sign with both Jennie's and Chaeyoungs names that needed you both to hold it up only to get told to put it down since the people behind you couldn't see a thing. "It's the thought that counts, but I think we might go smaller this year." You said, giving her a smile as you looked up. "Although, we are still going to cheer just as loud." You reassured her since you would still be screaming for the two even if the sign was smaller.

"Of course, you will." She said and sighed, grabbing more fries and you shrugged. There was no way that you wouldn't. "You guys cheer when we have games." You reminded her, the basketball team wasn't only known for how good you guys played but also for how supportive everyone was together with the cheer team that always made the whole crowd erupt into even louder cheers. "That's what the cheer team is for, isn't it?" You gave her a sceptic look. "Maybe, but you guys do it the best when we play, unlike the rest of the school teams...I think that's cause I am on the basketball team." You said, getting slightly cocky with it, but it was the truth. You had both your girlfriend and best friend cheering for you so obviously, the basketball team would have them cheer the best although they were always great.

"I think you as a captain tell them to perform better just for me." You continued and groaned once Chaeyoung kicked your shin. Sending her a glare as you reached under the table and rubbed your shin to ease the pain. "Keep on telling yourself that. As a captain, I tell them to give their best every time, Y/n." She corrected, and you waved her off although Chaeyoung was really a great cheer captain. "You're just too shy to admit that I am right." This time she threw a fry at you and you laughed. "Ok fine, maybe I make them perform the slightest bit better." She admitted not being able to lie to you.

-

You walked through the mall with Chaeyoung by your side, just wandering around the city like usual when you two were together. The nuggets were at the pit of your stomachs as you both were full. "Look, there's literally no line to the photo booth. Let's go." Chaeyoung exclaimed when her eyes landed on the photo booth you two skipped on last time since there was a line to it- last time the mall was pretty busy with people. "Last one there-." You didn't even get to finish what you were going to say when she raced right by you, already running to the booth. Without a second thought, you quickly took off after her, putting your long legs to good use and catching up to her. You were right on her heels, but it was too late as she landed inside the booth first.

"Oh fuck." You both groaned at the same time when you flew in right after her, forgetting to stop, colliding with Chaeyoung who collided with the wall, the whole booth rumbling with the both of you inside it. "I think I broke my knee." The girl whined and slumped down on the small stool inside the booth, holding onto her knee. "Can you even break a knee?" You questioned and chuckled at the whole situation as you stood leaning against the wall, catching your breath with your hands on your knees. "I'm not sure, but I fucked up something in my knee because of you." You lifted your head, looking up at Chaeyoung who was levelled with you, meeting each other's eyes.

"You sure? Let me see." You said and removed her hands from it, flicking her knee, making Chaeyoung smack your hands away. You laughed and she pushed you away from her. "It will be fine or do you want me to kiss it and blow on it?" Chaeyoung tsk'd and flipped you off. "You can kiss the tip of my finger." She snapped and you leaned forward with your lips puckered to kiss her finger, only to get your face pushed away with Chaeyoung giggling. "Stop being annoying and let's take those photos." You grinned at what she said and turned away from her to insert your card, wanting to take those photos with Chaeyoung to add to your and her collection with all the polaroid and other photos you had together.

You finished and shuffled over to Chaeyoung, standing behind her as she pressed the button. Posing with your arm around her shoulder, big smiles on your faces as the first photo got taken, changing pose for the next. You threw a peace sign, Chaeyoung winking with a pout with your cheeks squished together. It was as if you two were using telekinesis by knowing exactly what to do next, the both of you making faces for the third photo with giggles. "Goddammit Park Chaeyoung!" You exclaimed in pain when she bit your finger right when the last picture snapped. "That's for the knee." She huffed as you retreated your arm from around her, looking at the bite mark left on your index finger. "You rat." You said after seeing the teeth mark on your finger, the girl not caring as she got up from the stool and left the booth to take the pictures.

You flailed your hand as you followed her out of the booth, seeing her already holding the photo strip that had the four pictures on it. Looking as her smile grew as she looked over it carefully. You walked over to her and stood behind her, looking over her shoulder to see the photos too. "You're such a rat, just look at you." You laughed and pointed at the photo where she bit your finger, your face holding pure pain and her only holding pure satisfaction by getting back at you. "Want me to bite you again?" She threatened and your hands quickly went behind your back to avoid getting bitten again. Pursing your lips as she turned around to face you, shoving the photo strip into your chest. "You keep this one." She said with a smile and you took it.

"No, you can have this one...I think I took the last one we took together." You said about to hand it back to her, but she stopped you. "No, keep this one so you can remember not to mess with me." You chuckled at that and nodded, taking out your wallet and placing it inside it. "Just don't ruin it." She was quick to say when she saw you placing it inside the wallet. Chaeyoung frowned and took the wallet and strip from you, deciding that it would be better if she did it knowing how careless you could be, you did just run into her. "See, you need to be more careful...Some things are fragile, Y/n." Chaeyoung scolded and you just watched her before getting your wallet handed back to you. "I will keep that in mind." You said and put the wallet back into your pocket.

-

You grabbed Chaeyoung's favourite crisps from the shelf as you two were at the grocery store to get some snacks to then find some spot to chill at. Walking over to the fridge with sodas after. "Do you want ice tea as usual?" You questioned as you opened the fridge, Chaeyoung behind you hummed and helped you by holding the fridge. "Do you remember the ice tea toddy?" She asked and you chuckled at that, taking two iced teas, and handing one to Chaeyoung. "How could I forget...Jisoo still won't touch iced tea." You said and she laughed, nodding, it was an inside joke between your guy's friend group that had been going on for a year now. "It does work as a great mixer, but it's too good." You said and the blonde agreed.

Both of you remembered how Jisoo found out how good of a mixer ice tea was for vodka, to the point where she lost track of how much she had to drink and everything just reversed and she threw it all up. The girl still couldn't touch iced tea- the event had traumatized her so much. Just the smell made her gag. "Do you remember the little raft?" You asked, suddenly a lot of memories just came back and the girl bumped into you as she walked beside you, making you wrap your arm around her shoulders. "How could I forget? Jennie gave you the biggest scolding of the century." She teased and squirmed slightly when you pinched her cheek with the hand that was around her shoulders.

"I shouldn't have gotten scolded, it was Jungkook's fault I fell in the water in the first place." You said, you still were set on it being the boy's fault. You guys had found a random raft by the lake and you and Jungkook got on it, pushing it away from shore only realizing you guys had no paddles when it was a bit too late. It ended with Jungkook trying to jump back to shore since you guys weren't too far away, he managed to make the jump although he sent the whole raft flying together with you and you ended up falling into the water. "You two were stupid enough to get on that raft and push it away without any paddles." Chaeyoung said, knowing that it was stupid of both of you, but it was funny in the end and she still remembers all these things so vividly. Every single memory made with you and your guy's friends was always so vivid and she would never forget them and the same went for you.

"How about the time we had orienteering and you tricked our group out of the forest and to a diner instead." You said and a bashful smile spread across her face and she shrugged your arm off from around her. "I was hungry and did not feel like walking around a forest looking for checkpoints...In the end, everyone was happy." She explained herself like she has been doing for a good three years now. You guys were in a group of five and had orienteering for P.E. class and had two hours to try and get all the checkpoints. Chaeyoung announced that she was super good at it and would lead the way- only to lead you all to a diner. It ended with you guys getting five out of 15 checkpoints that were spread across the forest that wasn't too far from the city. Getting them on the way back from the diner after you all ate. "Everyone except the teacher." You pointed out as the teacher wasn't happy with a group of five people only getting five checkpoints in the span of two hours.

"When are they happy with anything?" She threw the question out there and took a turn with you as you needed to pick up one last thing before heading to check out. "It's a miserable job isn't it?" You said as you yourself would never want to work with teens if they were all like you and your friends. "Pretty much..." Chaeyoung trailed off as she watched you stop and look at the store shelf, realizing what aisle you had dragged her in. "How can you buy condoms right in front of me Y/n? I'm from a Christian household...no sex before marriage." Chaeyoung let out in pure disbelief, giving you a terrified look and you shoved her away slightly. "Shut up, Chaeyoung." You said and reached for the ultra thins since Jennie preferred it when you guys wouldn't use condoms, but considering that she wasn't on birth control that didn't happen often and this was the best option.

"What?" She asked confused, playing dumb and innocent which you knew she was not. "Are we just supposed to forget about Lisa the foreign exchange student from last year?" You quipped, knowing very well what went down since she had told you. You two told each other everything. There wasn't a single thing you two did not know about each other. "I don't know what you are talking about." She continued to play dumb and you gave her a look, seeing the small tint on her cheeks. Lisa was an exchange student at your school and you guys got along well, but she and Chaeyoung got along extra good and it was sort of a fling thing that ended once she left with no hard feelings.

"Or maybe your first boyfriend?" You added, being well aware of how much she hated when you mentioned that- it wasn't because it was a bad breakup or anything, it was because the girl was as straight as a circle and looked so stupid trying to date that guy when she was 15. It ended pretty quickly, but still, a few things went down and she wasn't the proudest of them. "Ew, don't mention him." Chaeyoung said and cringed, the two of you walking out the aisle, making it to the checkout now while grabbing a few sweets on the way. "Either way, you are no virgin Mary, Park Chaeyoung." You clearly stated and she quickly looked around you both before sending you a glare. "Jeez, Y/n louder. What if my sister would just pop out of nowhere and would hear you." She complained and you rolled your eyes at what she said.

"Oh, so you think your sister is stupid and doesn't know?" You asked, not believing that her sister didn't know that your best friend, Park Chaeyoung was no saint. "Yes, yes I do." She stated a quick and short answer, giving you a nod of affirmation as she was sure that her sister was very much clueless about it all. You stifled a laugh at that and looked as she ran her hand through her perfectly silky hair. Her hair fell down her shoulders and rested on her black hoodie that was contrasting her blonde hair. "Then you are the stupid one." You concluded as you two stopped in line to checkout. She scoffed at that.

"Just buy the fucking condoms so you don't get Jennie pregnant by accident." Chaeyoung let out frustrated now because you might've been right, her sister Alice was smart in the end while Chaeyoung was smart but was also a terrible liar. You laughed at that and patted her back to get her to calm down. "So, you don't want a niece or nephew to spoil?" Chaeyoung looked up at that, raising her eyebrows at what you said. "Does it look like I have the money to spoil a child, Y/n? I don't even have the money to spoil myself, let alone a child." She dramatically let out. "Ahh, you're being dramatic." You breathed out.

"I am not." She firmly stated, trying to keep up the act, both of you knew that it was all just jokes. Liking to act a bit dramatic whenever it was possible. "You are." You insisted and Chaeyoung scoffed, shaking her head. "Let's see who will be dramatic once Jennie gets pregnant." You chuckled at that and bit your lower lip. Somehow she always made you laugh with the simplest things, it was as if nothing else existed when you two were together. It was like floating in the air with no burden on your shoulders and you hoped that she felt the same way when she was with you. "She's not getting pregnant, not yet at least and when she does, you are going to be the godmother of our child." You stated as no matter what, Chaeyoung was always going to be part of your life and if she would refuse you would simply force her. Although there was no way she would ever refuse.

"You think I would be a good Godmother?" She questioned unsurely and you looked at her, cocking your head and quirking your eyebrows. "You'd be a great godmother and I wouldn't even consider anyone else." You stated with a firm nod and watched the smile on her face as she sighed, shaking her head slightly. You always made her feel so good about herself. The both of you placed the things on the band and suddenly Chaeyoung spoke up with confusion. "What do you mean not yet?" She asked and stopped in her tracks, only now realizing what you said. Looking at you, she instantly recognized that smile on your face that only meant one thing, it was something important and precious to you. That was the smile you had on your face whenever you were around her or Jennie- other friends too but it stood out around the two or when you talked about them.

"Can you keep a secret?" You already knew the answer as she kept every secret you told her between you two. Chaeyoung was the person you trusted the most, more than your own family, but on the second hand, she was basically your family. You two were like siblings, knowing each other for more than half of your lives. It felt good to be around someone who you knew, knew you better than you knew yourself, knowing that you could always listen to her and trust her and her advice. "Of course, I can. I know your deepest darkest secrets and never said anything to anyone." She said with a proud grin, it always made her feel more important when she knew that you trusted her so much. You took a step closer to her and lowered your tone slightly even if it wasn't needed since you didn't know anyone here, but it made the moment that much more climatic.

"I want to propose after graduation." You whispered in her ear and it went quiet for a second, nervously watching her as her lips parted and her eyes widened slightly. "What!?" She squeaked out in pure surprise, seeming like she was in bliss. "Yes, I want to propose after graduation and then we could live together while in college and all that stuff." You explained and smiled when Chaeyoung jumped in for a hug, her arms wrapping around your arms, giving you a bone-crushing hug that you tried to return the best you could with your arms restrained. "Oh my god, you should totally do it." She squealed out and looked up at you with her eyes glimmering slightly. Relief washed over you fully as she was the first person you told this to, like always being the one you told things first too. You knew that you and Jennie were only 18, but you two were already planning a future together- of course you included Chaeyoung in everything which Jennie was ok with seeing how there would never be a possibility to separate you and your best friend. She admired it.

"I am surprised that you are agreeing." You breathed out and she pulled away with her head tilting as you reached up to her face and patted away the few tears that rolled down. She was always your emotional little Chaeyoungie. "Why?" She asked and grabbed your hand that was on her cheek, holding it and you shrugged. "This is the first girlfriend of mine that you actually like...And you know how much I value your opinion." You said as you had a few girlfriends before and Chaeyoung was not fond of any of them although she seemed to love Jennie. "Jennie is great, both to you and to me...she doesn't have a problem with me being your best friend unlike the rest and she's just a keeper." She casually replied and you smiled, walking up to the clerk that was scanning your items. It was the truth, none of your exes was good enough for you in Chaeyoung's opinion and none of them really liked how close you two were either. Even if it was always platonic love since your friendship wasn't just a simple friendship, it was much more than that.

"She really is." You agreed and your smile made Chaeyoung smile this time, seeing how in love you were with that girl. Just like Jennie admired your and Chaeyoung's friendship, Chaeyoung admired your and Jennie's relationship. She knew that she was the right one in more than one way. "Mhm, although never forget about me." She hummed out and walked away when you had to pay, not being able to say much more. You quickly paid and thanked the clerk before, walking up to Chaeyoung since you knew that you could never forget about her. "I could never forget about you. You are moving in with me and Jennie when we take off to college." You watched as she just shook her head at what you said, helping you put everything in the plastic bag. "I don't know about that. Think I will rather be alone than share an apartment with you and Jennie." She only replied.

-

Somehow your and Chaeyoung's feet had their own will and walked you over all the way to the beach where you two would always sit together and just talk, sitting on the big rock where you had carved your names next to each other a few years ago. The cool breeze softly blew the salty air your and her way, the sun slowly setting but still keeping the breeze cool just cool and not freezing. You leaned back, holding yourself up with your palms as you looked over the ocean that seemed to not have an end, listening to the seagulls in the distance and the waves crashing with the rocks beneath you two.

"Could you promise me something?" Chaeyoung broke the temporary silence and you turned your head to look at her. Her gaze held some sort of longing as she looked over the horizon in front of you guys. The wind blew through her perfect hair, her eyes squinting just the slightest as the wind hit them. Her brown eyes glimmered from the orange sunset that hit them just like the water was glimmering below you two. You hummed and watched as her jaw clenched for a split second before she loosened up again and looked down at her feet with a sigh. It always ended the same with you two sitting and making promises to each other, some people would probably find a few of them meaningless but to you two they were worth more than gold.

"Promise me that you will propose to Jennie after graduation and keep her for the rest of your life...I know that you said that you will, but I really don't want you to change your mind, I want you to proceed with the future with Jennie there. We're only 18 and things can just change in the span of one night or even a second, but I don't want that to change...It would mean a lot to me if you would be able to promise me that even if it is quite big of a promise to keep." You almost managed to miss half of her soft-spoken words that disappeared with the waves as they left her lips, but you still heard every word of her. "And while you're at it, I want you to promise me that you will never forget me Y/n." Chaeyoung added and you watched as she moved her feet around a little, waiting for you to say something.

You tilted your head and smiled a little, extending your hand to her, making Chaeyoung look at you in the end. Holding out your pinky for her, a pinky promise made between you two was never allowed to be broken and this was a promise you would never break once the deal would be sealed. A smile grew on her face and she hooked her pinky with yours as you two just looked at each other in silence. "I promise you that I will propose to Jennie and keep her for the rest of my life and I will never ever forget about you Chaeyoung...I don't know how you could even think of that, but I will never forget about you because just like I am going to keep Jennie with me for the rest of my life, I am going to keep you too." You promised before you two touched thumbs, sealing the promise forever.

"Thank you." Chaeyoung breathed out in relief and unhooked her pinky with yours before wrapping her arms around your shoulders, hugging you tight with her face buried in your neck. You wrapped your arms around her waist, getting embraced in each other's warmth and no other hugs compared to the ones you shared. "I just want you to be happy." She mumbled and pulled you closer to her, resting your chin on her shoulder, feeling her hands clutch on your hoodie as if you would disappear any second now. "I want the same for you." You replied as you only wanted to see her happy and content, both of you wanted the best for each other. She only hummed, sighing into your neck as you both stayed in each other's arms.

"I really love you, Y/n." You smiled at her words and sighed when you heard her sniffle before feeling a few tears hit your skin. "I love you just as much...don't cry because I will start crying too." You said, feeling your voice quivering as you spoke because her tears were just as contagious as her smile was. It always ended with both of you crying if the other one would cry. "It's just that...you're the best thing that has ever happened in my life Y/n and I wouldn't change it or have it any other way. There's not much to my life without you, it's not as interesting when it's just me." This time you could feel the prickling in your nose, the tears brimming your eyes as a sob left her lips, her hot breaths fanning your skin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way either, but your life is much more than just me and you know it...There's just one of you, you're Park Chaeyoung and that's what defines you, not me." You said since you two maybe fulfilled each other's days, but if she wouldn't be Park Chaeyoung then it wouldn't be the same. The way she was defined her and not you. "I am me and you're you...that's what makes it special." You whispered and blinked away your tears. "You're special to me." She mumbled and you slowly pulled away, quickly wiping your eyes before looking at her, holding onto her shoulders. You wiped her cheeks with your sleeves before the wind could do it for you. Leaning over and leaving a peck on her forehead. "You're special to me too, Chaeyoung." You said back and removed the hair that the wind blew in her face, looking into her brown shimmering eyes and she smiled through her tears, giving you the eye smile that you loved so much.

-

You held Chaeyoung's hand, holding it inside your pocket to try and warm her as much as possible as it was starting to get cold now, waiting for her bus. "You sure that you don't want me to take the bus with you?" You asked to make sure since you offered to take the bus to walk her home, but she shook her head no. "Yeah, I like taking it alone...it gives me time to just think." She said and looked at you with a smile, you nodded knowing that she enjoyed riding the bus alone to just get lost in her thoughts. "Say hi to Jennie from me." Chaeyoung reminded you. "I will. You've been hanging out with everyone lately, haven't you?" You put it out there since she was with Jennie yesterday and the other days she hung out with Jisoo and another with Jungkook and so on aside from hanging out with you almost every day, but you two often were together.

"I've just missed everyone lately although today was memorable with you as usual." You gave her hand a squeeze, everything with her was memorable and fun. That was the thing with Chaeyoung, she wasn't just a great best friend to you, but she was truly a great friend to everyone. "It always is." Chaeyoung slithered her hand out of your grip and hugged around your waist again, making you hug around her shoulders, resting your cheek at the top of her head. Taking in her smell, those smells from one's childhood that always brought back nostalgia. Chaeyoung's smell was just that, she brought you so much nostalgia, comfort and memories, she made you feel safe with just her smell because it was so familiar, it made your inner child feel safe because that's what you had always been ever since you two met. Safe, comfortable, and content and it was just perfect.

"You're the bestest friend anyone could ask for Y/n." You chuckled at her words. "Just like you, you're the bestest of the best." Chaeyoung giggled at your words and you kissed the top of her head, taking in her smell before you two pulled away when you heard the bus approach. "Text me when you get home, alright?" You said as you held her shoulders, the girl nodded with her smile still there and you gave her a big smile too. "I will...I love you Y/n." You chuckled when she gave you a peck on your cheek and walked her to the front door of the green bus as it opened. "Be safe...I love you." You said and let go of her hand as she stepped onto the bus without another word, waving at you as the doors closed. Standing and watching her take a seat, waving at each other before the bus took off, not leaving your spot until the bus disappeared out of your sight.

-

"Could you hand me my wallet? It's in my pants." You asked Jennie as you laid in her bed in your boxers. She hummed as she finished up by her vanity table, turning off the lights on the mirror before she got up from the chair. Laying sprawled out on her bed under the covers as you watched her walk over to the armchair where your pants were laying with the rest of your clothes. Your girlfriend was already in her pj's as it was around 1 am and you got here at around 10 pm. Jennie reached into your pocket and took out your wallet before she scurried over to the bed, making you chuckle, lifting the covers for her seeing that she was in such a hurry since she was cold. The girl quickly cuddled into you, putting her head on your shoulder as you wrapped your arm around her waist.

"Here you go, baby." Her hand came up from under the duvet, holding the wallet out for you. You pecked her lips as a thank you and Jennie watched you open your wallet, making her move slightly so you could use the hand around her waist a bit better. You took out the photo strip since you didn't want it to get ruined in your wallet and Jennie guided your hand so she could look better at the photos. "Told you that she bit me." You said since she didn't believe you earlier, watching Jennie smile, yet another one of your favourite smiles. "You probably deserved it though, I know how you can be so I don't blame her." She simply stated, knowing you very well too. "Aren't you quick to pick sides?" You only received an eye-roll from Jennie at that as she was still looking at the photos.

"These are cute though, just don't ruin them by accident." Jennie said and looked over the photos one last time before letting go of your hand. You hummed and put your wallet on the bedside table by your phone before placing the photo strip by your things too. "That's exactly what she said too." You said, remembering how Chaeyoung told you how some things are fragile, seemingly she wasn't the only one that knew how careless you could be but Jennie knew that too. "Well, some things are fragile." It almost felt as if it was Chaeyoung speaking as she just said the same thing as her. You sighed and turned your body to lay on your side, meeting Jennie's eyes.

Chuckling as Jennie's hands tried to squeeze themselves under you for more warmth as her body was still a bit cold. "Is it that cold?" You questioned and Jennie pouted before nodding her head. You pecked her lips, trying to pull away but she chased right after you, making you lean back in, giving her a lingering kiss instead. You pulled away and Jennie groaned when you moved to lay on top of her. "Is this warm enough, baby?" You asked, trying your best to just warm up your girlfriend since she seemed to be freezing cold by shoving her hands under your body to warm them up. "You're crushing me." Jennie whined out, but it quickly turned into giggles as she squirmed under you trying to get you off her.

You wrapped your arms around her waist and with a huff turned over, taking Jennie with you who squeaked in surprise. "Y/n, my parents are asleep." Jennie warned not wanting to wake her parents up, acting like you were the one to let out that squeak. "I am positive that the squeak did not leave my mouth but yours princess." You said as her voice was lighter than yours and this time you tried to squirm away from Jennie when she poked your sides, making you squeak this time. You laughed as she continued to tickle your sides, her shorter frame basically glued on top of you as you couldn't seem to push her off you. "I am going to scream if you don't stop." You laughed out not knowing what else to say as she wouldn't stop tickling you, slowly getting out of breath.

You got stopped from making any type of sound when Jennie quickly kissed you when you were about to scream. Kissing back as she slowly moved her lips against yours, your breathing still heavy after her hands attacked you, making you pull away sooner than you wanted. "I love you." Jennie said right after you two pulled away, your arms wrapped around her waist, hugging her closer before lifting your head to peck her lips. Jennie sighed and placed her head right below your chin, leaving a lingering kiss on top of her head and closing your eyes. "I love you." You mumbled against the top of her head, unwrapping your one arm to pull the duvet over you two before sneaking both of your warm hands under her shirt, caressing her skin. Jennie hummed and you felt her lips leave a small kiss on your collarbone. The comfortable silence between you two engulfed you both, leaving you with a soft and warm feeling with each other.

Jennie flinched slightly on top of you, getting startled by your phone that went off, buzzing on her bedside table. You looked towards your phone, Jennie pushing herself up slightly and reaching for it, a small frown appeared and she looked confused. "It's Alice...you should probably answer, it might be important." Jennie said and handed the phone to you, both of you confused about why Chaeyoung's sister would be calling you at around 1:30 am. Taking the phone, you answered and Jennie watched you do so.

You didn't even manage to ask her anything before feeling regret at picking up this phone call because this phone call was going to be the cause of many sleepless nights. You unwrapped your arm from around Jennie, sitting up on the bed and your girlfriend felt nothing but worry as she sat beside you, watching all the different emotions go through your eyes before they held nothing else but tears. You could feel your whole body and brain just shut down at what you got to hear, clenching the phone in your hold so you wouldn't drop it as you felt the energy get drained from you. A sob left your mouth as Alice finished explaining what happened to you and you only hung up on the crying girl.

"Y/n...what happened-." You cut Jennie off as you broke down in tears, getting pulled into your girlfriend's arms. "Chaeyoung- she- she's...Jennie, she's-." You couldn't form a sentence as you choked on your sobs, gripping onto Jennie's shirt. Jennie had seen you break down and cry before, but this time it was different, your cries held pure pain, and suffering and she felt her own eyes tear up, trying to hold you as close as possible as you cried on her chest. You felt your heart clench so hard that it broke to pieces and the air just got heavy around you and you knew that it would never be light again. "She's gone...Chaeyoung- she's- she...killed herself." You forced the words out of yourself as you didn't dare to accept them let alone to have to say them out loud was torturous.

Suddenly your whole life turned around in the span of a second.

Or maybe this wasn't where she was supposed to be at all and she actually was where she was supposed to be. Maybe Chaeyoung was right where she was supposed to be. That was the thing with Chaeyoung no one ever knew what she was up to or where she could be unless that someone was you but now even you couldn't tell where exactly she was except that she was gone and no longer here. Your best friend was no longer by your side and hadn't been for the past two months.

You had spent the past two months wondering if you missed any signs, but it only turned out that Chaeyoung didn't tell you everything. She told you what you wanted to hear, what she wanted you to hear and believe. She never wanted you to know what was going on in her life because she preferred to see you smile, to see you being happy around her and not worried. That's what you tried to assume.

You continued to fiddle with the sleeve of your hoodie and blinked your eyes to stop your tears from falling in the middle of class, you couldn't tear your gaze away from her seat that was right next to your table. Even if it was the case that this wasn't where she was supposed to be, in your head, this was right where she was supposed to be. Chaeyoung was supposed to be sitting right there, she was supposed to be talking to you in a hushed tone while the teacher is busy explaining in front of the class. She was supposed to still be here, be with you, hang out with you, you two were still supposed to share secrets with each other and make promises.

That day was the last time you hugged Chaeyoung, the last time you heard her voice in person, the last time you felt her body while it was still warm, the last time you both said 'I love you' to each other. That day you heard her laugh for the last time, say your name for the last time, you two made your last promises that day, the last time you saw her smile at you. That day was the last time you created memories together with Chaeyoung. Now she was gone.

You got stopped from pulling on your sleeve when Jennie grabbed your hand in hers sensing that nothing was ok right now. Nothing had been ok ever since that phone call, but you managed to somewhat keep yourself together to attend school again, but there were still those moments where you would falter and break down against your will. Jennie excused the both of you and got you to stand up and follow her out of the classroom.

Walking out of the room, she closed the door after you two and you already had tears in your eyes. How were you supposed to cope with the death of your best friend? Of someone who you were closer to than your own family, someone you knew most of your life. Your time together with Chaeyoung was cut short, against your will but by choice for her.

Chaeyoung left you.

"We should definitely go out for ice cream after practice...it's so hot today." Chaeyoung let out, a big smile as you two walked through the hallway. The girl was in her cheer uniform as she had her practice to attend, but tried to hide from her duties for a bit since it was too hot outside to continue jumping around in her opinion. "Oh Chaeyoung, practice first, ice cream later." You said as you bumped into her when you were passing through the empty hallways on your way to watch their practice since yours was done. Knowing that Chaeyoung was at the wrong place as the cheer captain- standing by the vending machines in the canteen and not on the field with her team.

"It's ok, I told Jennie to take over while I handle some business." She explained and skipped in her steps, it was much cooler inside than it was outside especially now that school was over and the hallways weren't packed with students. You laughed at what she said and she looked at you, she was about to stop in her place probably wanting to drag this out to not have to go out on the field again, but you were quick to put your hand on her back so she would continue walking. "What business do you have by the vending machines, Chaeyoung?" You questioned and she sighed. "Those are questions that I do not have to answer." You hummed, nodding your head already knowing that she was there to get snacks while her team was out there in the heat.

"Last one at the field pays for ice cream!" Chaeyoung exclaimed while already running ahead of you. "Hey!" You exclaimed and took off right after her, trying your best to catch up with her as she got a head start. Your laughs echoed around the hallways of the empty school.

You took her for ice cream that day and you paid too since she was the first to reach the field.

You sniffled as you looked at the hallway that was just as empty although this time none of your waves of laughter echoed around it. "Baby...talk to me." Jennie let out, worried sick about you. She didn't leave your side for a second ever since that night, staying right by your side to comfort you and just be there for you, she could only imagine how difficult it was for you and yes she herself had been grieving but the bond between you and Chaeyoung was just different- it was a loss for everyone who knew the girl though. One of the reasons why she really didn't want to leave your side was because she was scared that she would lose you too. Either lose you in all your sorrow or the same way they all lost Chaeyoung.

"How is everyone just moving on?" You croaked out, the tears in your throat suppressing your voice as the lump was there. There was no point in trying to hold back much more as a sob left your mouth. The shorter girl pulled you aside and away from the door, stopping by the lockers, holding onto your hand as her other reached up to your face, wiping away your tears. "Everyone is acting as if nothing happened." You cried and slumped your back against the lockers behind you, looking at your hands that continued to fiddle with the material of your hoodie.

It felt like you were the only one left that was still crying every night about Chaeyoung or waking up in the middle of it because you had such vivid dreams about Chaeyoung still being alive that you woke up happy only to break down within a second. Everywhere you looked, everyone had moved on with their lives while you were stuck in the past, still refusing to accept the fact that she was gone. "Everyone is just coping differently." Jennie tried, she maybe wasn't going through it as bad anymore but that was because acceptance came easier for her than you in this situation and she didn't blame you. No one would truly ever just move on from this.

"And for some, that means acting as if nothing happened and I know that it hurts to see people act like that, but it's different for everyone, Y/n." There was nothing you could do about this. First of all, you couldn't bring your best friend back- she wouldn't want to come back because she left by choice. Second of all, not everyone grieved the same way, but you hated to see how everyone just went on with their lives, went on with them without Chaeyoung there. How do you go on with your life when the person you planned your life with wasn't there anymore? You hated it.

Your eyes met Jennie's at last and you hated yourself for worrying her so much, you could see how worried she was every day and how she refused to leave you for even a second. Following you like a puppy because she loved you so much while you were too busy drowning in the sorrow Chaeyoung left you to even try and show how much you loved her too. "I'm sorry." You apologized and grabbed her hand that was on your cheek, taking it and leaving a kiss on her fingers. "You don't have to be sorry for anything Y/n. I am here to be through it all with you and it doesn't matter how long it takes...Just don't close yourself off from me." You only broke down more, Jennie pulling you down and hugging around your shoulders as you buried your face in her shoulder.

"I lost my best friend Jennie." Your voice cracked with each word as you were still trying to figure out why she left you. Why were you, the one to lose your best friend? No one should lose one, whether it is by death or another type of separation that isn't death. It felt like you lost a part of yourself together with her. "I know, I know." Jennie whispered in your ear, giving the side of your head a peck as she gently scratched your scalp in a try to comfort you so you would know that she was right there for you. She was there to hold the part of you, you thought you lost for when you would want it back.

You looked up at the sound of things rustling, Jennie holding onto your shoulders, her head turning to look where you were looking when she saw a frown covering your eyebrows. You were no longer in her arms as you walked towards the janitor, wiping away your tears while sniffling. "What're you doing?" You asked him pissed as he was by Chaeyoung's locker, your fists clenching in nothing but anger as he threw another teddy bear into the cleaning trolly. "Cleaning...it's the principal's request." The older man said, about to reach down for another one of the things by her locker that students at school had put there to honour her memory. Everything from notes, plushies, flowers and much more.

You were quick to grab him by the back of his shirt, preventing him from doing so, not caring about the consequences. "I don't give a fuck about what he wants...leave her locker alone." You gritted out, doing your best to not let your voice break like the rest of your body was, every piece of you cracking like thin ice. Pushing him away, making the man stumble back a step or two. "Y/n, calm down." Jennie quickly interfered not wanting you to get expelled on top of everything. You huffed as she gave you a look and you turned around, looking at Chaeyoung's locker that hadn't been used by her for two months now while Jennie tried her best to excuse your behaviour, succeeding as the janitor walked away with the trolly.

She turned around to you with worry when she heard one of the lockers rumble, punching the locker that was next to Chaeyoung's. You ignored the pain that spread through your whole hand, landing another one before landing more punches to it. You were so angry with the world. Who else could've done her wrong if not for the world and the people in it? Did you possibly wrong her too? You couldn't recollect, but maybe you did her wrong somehow. The anger and hatred you felt numbed the pain in your knuckles and maybe if you hurt yourself physically then just maybe, the emotional pain would disappear...even if it would be for just a second. You would be numb for just a second and that would be enough of an escape from all the emotional pain in you.

Jennie almost flew together with your fist into the locker when she grabbed onto your arm to stop you- succeeding without getting hurt in the process. "Stop hurting yourself." She basically cried out as this time her tears fell too, not being able to hold it together. It was hard for her to keep it together when you would cry and break down, but seeing you hurt yourself because of it was just the last straw for her to break down too. "Stop." She mumbled, her grip on your arm tightening. You swallowed, your throat hurting as you just wanted to scream from the pain that was growing inside you. All those screams came from the top of your lungs only to not pass your throat and instead just gather there and create a lump that was hurting. "They can't just get rid of her things...this was Chaeyoung's." You pushed the words through the screams that clogged up your throat because words were the only things that could leave your mouth.

Jennie ran her hands down your arm to your hand, unclenching your fist, your hand trembling from the blunt force trauma caused by the impact at which you threw those punches against the locker. Your knuckles were red already with the few places where your skin split open the slightest, blood oozing from those spots- it wasn't deep and it wasn't bleeding a lot, but it was enough to make Jennie more worried. "You have to let her go at some point." Jennie stated, knowing that it would only get worse if you wouldn't try and accept things as they were even if it was difficult. She didn't want to see you lose yourself this way, she didn't want to lose you.

Her grip on your hand stayed when you tried to pull away, so, you instead turned around and leaned against the locker, sliding down to the floor with Jennie crouching down in front of you. Her gaze stayed on your trembling fingers and she knew it was hurting- both the injury you caused yourself and everything else. "I don't." It came out as a whisper, the salty tears running down your cheeks. They were salty enough to hurt if they came in contact with a cut. They were so harsh that they hurt your eyes. "You have to, she won't be able to rest otherwise, not if you keep on acting like this." She tried to make you understand, wiping her tears with her free hand before her thumb ghosted over your bruised knuckle. Acting so negatively wasn't letting your best friend rest, holding her back because you were worrying her and you knew that in the back of your head, but you ignored that part of your head.

"Why would she get to rest? I haven't been able to rest for months because of her choice and I am just supposed to let her rest? She doesn't let me rest either." You argued, hoping that Chaeyoung was listening to you right now so she could hear how tired you were too now. It was all exhausting and every night you spent awake you spent it crying or wondering why she left you. She didn't even say anything, leave anything...no, she definitely left you a lot of things, one of them being the confusion about why she even left. She seemed so happy. Or you just didn't know your best friend, as well as you thought that you did. Would she still be here if you did anything differently? What if she would have stayed if you just simply had walked her home that day? Would something like that be enough to make her stay?

"Y/n...she left us because she was tired and now you're preventing her from getting that rest." You took in a shaky breath and closed your eyes, the only thing you could see every time you closed them was Chaeyoung and you hated it because she would always be smiling at you. Every time the sun was shining and warming you, you could feel Chaeyoung's embrace. You could still remember perfectly how it felt to hug her and to be hugged by her, crumbling apart every time as you were scared that you would one day forget how it all felt. You didn't want to forget any of those things. You didn't want to forget her. You wouldn't forget her.

"I am tired too yet I am staying." Jennie bit her lower lip and you opened your eyes. The only thing you could do now was to imagine Chaeyoung still being here, imagine all her laughs, smiles, cries, hugs and all the other things. Her smaller hand came up to your face, trying to wipe away your tears as her sleeves and skin have been soaking them up like grass soaking up water when it rains for two months now. It was a storm, but she wasn't going to leave and seek shelter, she was there to stand with you in the middle of it and let her whole body soak up every drop of water- every tear. "That's different, baby." Jennie said, she knew that you were hurting and that it all felt useless for you right now, but you were grieving the death of your best friend and would hopefully come to terms with what happened. Chaeyoung's story was different from what all of you guys knew. Different enough for her to not be able to stay.

You shook your head, not wanting to see it as different though. You wanted to believe that Chaeyoung had every reason to stay just like you. She made you look at her and you only now saw that your actions from a few minutes ago must've scared and hurt her. She was worried and she was here for you, but you couldn't help but yearn for someone who no longer could be here for you. "You have to understand that she just wants to rest now, but you're not letting her. You're tiring her out when she's about to reach the peace she left us for...You have to let her go and remember her for who she was and not for the pain she left. I don't think Chaeyoung would like seeing you like this...I think you would make her feel guilty and sorry for something that was her choice." You glanced beside you at all the things lying in front of your best friend's locker.

"I just want to know why...Nothing is clear to me, it just doesn't make any sense to me." How could you accept anything when you didn't know why she left you? You ran everything through your head, but there was nothing that answered the why's. You held back a groan at the pain that went through your hand, but Jennie clearly saw the pain on your face. Jennie took your injured hand, holding it with both of her hands as she looked at it with a pout. "Please don't hurt yourself again- I- it's too much for me to look at and it hurts me too...I love you too much to be able to see in more pain." She said as you two were always honest with each other. Jennie was always so honest with you and it instantly let you be honest with her too, trusting each other with your words.

You ignored the pain in your hand for the moment, a small yelp leaving Jennie when you pulled her to you, hugging the girl close as she was on her knees on the floor with you, hugging around your nape. "I won't, I'm sorry...you know that I never would hurt you on purpose or do anything to hurt you. I love you way too much to cause you pain, Jennie." You apologized, it was something you had been doing a lot lately, feeling like you wronged everyone ever since Chaeyoung left. Although Jennie reassured you every time that it was fine and you didn't have to apologise for grieving. "It's ok...I'm gonna make sure that you get through this without any more bruises." Jennie stated as she was determined to get you through this, pulling away as she cupped your face, still holding onto her waist. She leaned forward and left a peck on your quivering lips.

"It's fucking horrible isn't it?" You asked Chaeyoung and watched as her features turned into a slight cringe and you groaned, letting your forehead meet the table as you rested your head against it. You were supposed to write an assignment for one of your classes but you were struggling. Asking Chaeyoung to check it out knowing that she would be honest with you and always tell you the truth. A quality you two had that not everyone would agree is completely good was honesty, no matter how frustrating the truth could be. "I can just help you with this because this isn't the best Y/n." Chaeyoung truthfully told you and she was always willing to help you with whatever it was that you needed help with. Whether it would be school work to something more personal. She was always there and never left.

You looked up at her in hope. "Could you?" You asked to make sure since you didn't want to bother her in case she had her own things to work on. Chaeyoung gave you a smile and nodded her head. The blonde looked behind you and suddenly you felt a pair of hands on your shoulders, making you tilt your head back to be met by Jennie who with a tilted head looked down at you."Don't you have math?" You questioned your girlfriend as you knew that she had class right now. She glanced over at Chaeyoung before looking back at you. "It's fine...I already know everything." This made you look over at Chaeyoung who avoided your gaze already knowing that your best friend was the one who informed Jennie about you two being in the library because if she wouldn't know she wouldn't have left class.

"You two need to stop with this skipping classes and practice." You said because not long ago you were walking Chaeyoung back to practice and now Jennie was skipping too. It wasn't the first time and you were always the one walking them back to class. Jennie walked around you and smoothly made herself comfortable in your lap. "You're so cute, trying to act like the oldest one here." Jennie teased and pecked your cheek, Chaeyoung laughing at how you tried to fight the bashful smile that was fighting to appear on your lips. "Is that the assignment you have been working on?" Jennie questioned as she looked at the paper that was laying in front of Chaeyoung. The girl slid it over to Jennie as you hummed. "It's really bad." Chaeyoung commented when Jennie picked it up, the girl in your lap caressing your hand as she was already reading the paper.

Jennie sighed and put the paper down once she was done. "It isn't the best, no." Jennie honestly told you and gave you a sorry look. You rested your forehead against her shoulder. "I know...Chaeyoung will help me with it." You mumbled, the two girls sharing the same quality, honesty and always being willing to help you with anything that you needed. You weren't sure where your head would be without them.

You knew that it would have been over for you if Jennie wouldn't be right here after Chaeyoung passed. You always needed at least one of them and without Chaeyoung here anymore, Jennie was the only person who was holding onto the part of you that had detached from your body. If she wouldn't be here, that part of you would be gone together with you because if Chaeyoung wasn't here you had no reason to stay except for Jennie. She was the only reason why you were still here.

You slowed down in your steps as you watched the green bus pass by you two, feeling the air in your lungs get too thick to leave you. The air clogged up your throat together with those screams as you watched the bus continue its usual route without Chaeyoung aboard it. Time really didn't stop for even a second when someone left this world, everything and everyone just continued on with their lives. There was no stop so you could at least process anything in your head.

Jennie stopped in her tracks together with you, feeling how your grip on her hand tightened just the slightest, seeing how your jaw moved in anxiousness. What was it to you if the world continued to rotate? You didn't have to continue together with it...you could just stay right where you were, couldn't you? You knew the answer to that. "There's really nothing that I can do, can I?" You asked and looked at Jennie, she sighed and shook her head. "No, not really." She confirmed, you take a deep breath almost gasping for air as it was difficult to inhale at this point. You were so desperate for the air to get thinner so it would get easier to breathe again, but that just didn't happen.

"I want to...see her." Jennie's lips parted at your words. "Are you sure?" She asked you to make sure that you wanted this. She knew that you would go at some point, but she didn't want you to force yourself because it was difficult for you to say the least. "I'm sure."

-

Jennie could feel how each of your steps got heavier and more hesitant the closer you two got. The air was even thicker here and it crushed your insides because of how heavy it was. "Do you want me to wait here or come with you?" Jennie asked as you two stopped, your eyes already looking towards Chaeyoung's direction. The girl had already been here a few times when she had time while you hadn't, thinking that maybe you needed to be alone for this. "You will be right here, right?" You asked her to make sure since you were scared of just getting left alone by the only person you had left that was keeping you here. Chaeyoung left you with fear. "Of course...I will sit right here on this bench and won't move an inch." Jennie reassured you, her thumb gently rubbing your knuckles on the hand that wasn't injured.

"Just take your time." She gave your hand a light squeeze before letting go as you nodded, taking those heavy steps towards your best friend's grave. Your feet felt heavier and the soil under your feet felt like quicksand, pulling you down further the closer you got. It had been two months and it looked like people were still regularly coming here as there were fresh flowers and grave candles on her grave.

You came to a stop as you were right in front of the place where your best friend was resting. You hadn't visited Chaeyoung ever since they lowered her into the cold ground. Your hand gripped harder around the flowers you were holding in your hand, your jaw clenching but it all was for nothing as the pain slipped right past your lips. The keen cries left your mouth as you crouched down right in front of her grave, closing your eyes tightly as you kept on wiping away at your eyes. The tears seeped through your closed eyes as you slumped down, sitting on the grass, pulling your knees to your chest, clutching hard onto the roses in your hand as you buried you face in your forearm that was resting on top of your knees.

"Why Chaeyoung? Why?" You cried out with your creaking voice that has had enough of your repeated cries after your best friend. Looking up at her grave stone, your eyes landing on the small picture of her that was on the headstone right by her name. "I've been crying after you every day and night, only to get no reply from you." You said and bit your lower lip to stop your sobs. You knew that you would spend your time here and wait for a reply just like you have been waiting for one every day since she left. Only to not get one. "I am so angry with myself and I wish I would be able to be angry with you and not me, but you know very well that I have never been able to stay angry with you for even a second...You knew that all along." You somehow managed to talk to her, waiting for some sort of relief, but all you felt was sorrow and pain.

"I still dream about you Chaeyoung! You're still alive in my head. Yet here I am talking to your grave." You gritted out through your tears and sobs, feeling like a fool because of what she did. These day-long laments were exhausting and you could feel how you barely were able to continue crying as just whimpers of pain left your mouth. "Did you think that talking to your grave would be enough for me? That you could just leave me because I would get through everything by talking to your grave? That I wouldn't want to hear your voice? It sounds selfish but what else can I be when you left without any reason? You could've at least left me a damn note, Chaeyoung." You moved the flowers to look at them, the cuts on your knuckles covered by the band-aids Jennie had put on them.

You placed them by your feet and sighed. "You made me make all these promises that I now have to keep...Who's going to keep your promises Chaeyoung?" You asked her, wondering who would keep all these promises she made you. You were going to keep yours because you would never be able to break a promise you made. A groan escaped your mouth and you blinked your eyes, the tears falling right after. "You never really meant it when you promised to stay with me forever...You knew that you weren't going to stay for long. You knew and you left me, you left me without a single word about it. Didn't you trust me? Wasn't I enough of a reason to stay?...What made you even so sure that you could just leave, how were you sure that I wouldn't just follow right after you?" You were so tired, it felt like you would throw your heart up any second now.

Were you just supposed to come here every day now and wait for an answer? Was Chaeyoung ever going to answer you? Did she even see you right now? She had left you without a word. You always knew where Chaeyoung was since she always told you and talked to you. Now you couldn't even try and say where she could be as you had no clue because she never told you or talked to you about this. "I just...miss you." It always ended like this, with you wailing, bawling your tired eyes out like a baby to your best friend. "This is the- the longest I have ever been without you ever since we met." You weren't sure how much longer you would be able to be without Chaeyoung. "You should've told me...I would wait for you if you had told me what was wrong. I would be here and wait for you...I am waiting for you." All you could do was wait for something that wouldn't happen now.

"Come on, Y/n, it's only for two days and I will be back." Chaeyoung laughed out and pushed you away when you were about to cling to her again. "No, don't leave me." You begged, probably being too dramatic since the girl was only going away for the weekend to another city to celebrate her cousin's birthday with her family. "You know that I don't want to leave you either, but I believe that we will be able to survive two days without seeing each other- two hard days, but we will manage." Chaeyoung said and chuckled, but it sounded painful as she herself had tears in her eyes now. You let out a whine and hugged her tight, not wanting your best friend to leave for those two days. "I can come with you." You breathed out and she shook her head, rubbing your back.

"We need to start practising being away from each other for at least short periods and you can't leave Jennie." Chaeyoung reminded you about your girlfriend and she also knew that you two should be able to be away from each other for at least two days. It would be difficult since you guys had been glued together ever since you met. "I know, that's why I will take her with us." You mumbled since you and Jennie had the same problem as you and Chaeyoung of not being able to be away from each other. You assumed that once you loved someone you no longer could be separated from them for long. You couldn't be separated from Chaeyoung or Jennie as you loved them both too much for that.

"No Y/n, you're staying right here with Jennie and I will see you in two days." Chaeyoung firmly stated and pulled away looking at you, trying her best to not just give in and take you two with her. "Yes, I will tell her right now...she should be here somewhere." You said, looking around the hallway for Jennie, spotting your girlfriend already walking towards you and Chaeyoung. You waved her over to you two and she skipped in her steps. "Hey you two...Why are you guys in tears?" Jennie asked confused once she reached you two and saw that you both were on the verge of tears. "Doesn't matter why anymore because we are going away with Chaeyoung for the weekend." You stated and Jennie lit up at that looking at the blonde girl with a smile who only groaned in return.

"No, no one is going with me, you two are staying. It's just two days." Chaeyoung said and turned away from you and Jennie, opening her locker to avoid the looks on your faces knowing that she would just give in if she did. "Two days will be like an eternity for you two." Jennie commented and leaned against the locker beside Chaeyoung's to look at the girl, well aware of the fact that you and Chaeyoung would be shaking in longing after each other. Jennie herself hated being away from you so she completely understood it. Once you get so used to someone's presence, you aren't yourself anymore if they leave for a few seconds too long. You hummed agreeing with Jennie as you leaned against the locker behind her, both of you just waiting for the blonde to just agree.

"You- no, stop pestering me about it...You can like distract her by you know." Chaeyoung commented almost giving in before she slammed her locker closed looking at you two like you were parasites. Jennie shyly giggled at that and had to turn away from the blonde, burying her face in your shirt being way too shy to talk about what Chaeyoung was referring to. You rubbed her back and looked at Chaeyoung who shook her head, still doing her best not agreeing. "Please?" You begged with a small pout and Chaeyoung groaned at that.

That day she agreed for you and Jennie to come, knowing damn well that it would be hell on earth for you two if she had just left you even if it was for two days. "What are we going to do without you Chaeyoung? It feels wrong to just keep on living life without you here. You knew damn well what hell it would be for me to be without you." You spoke as you calmed down, wiping away the tears from your cheeks although they were still falling from your eyes. The way life went on even after death was something you couldn't grasp. What made everything so much harder was that you didn't know who to blame for this. You ended up being angry at the world and being angry with yourself.

"I failed you as a best friend...I failed you, didn't I?" You asked and looked at the picture of Chaeyoung on the headstone, looking at her with your tears falling harder as she had a smile on her face like always. It hurt so badly especially when you were sitting here, knowing that you failed your best friend. You failed someone so precious to you. "What if fail everyone else too? What if Jennie leaves me too? What if everyone just ends up leaving me Chaeyoung?" You worriedly asked your best friend, she always had answers for you. You always came to her for advice and help, knowing that she would be honest with you. The frustration you felt inside was indescribable when you got no answer from your best friend.

You were so lost without her. Chaeyoung was stuck in your head like a melody that you just can't forget and never will forget, she was stuck on repeat even in the worst moments making everything so difficult. You couldn't focus on anything else but the melody that Chaeyoung was. Would it even matter if everyone else just left you? You sighed and pulled your knees closer to your chest, hugging them as you buried your face in them. "Was there anything that I could have done differently to make you stay?" You tiredly asked, crying into your knees, your body shaking as you couldn't take the pain anymore. Your heart was clenching, trying to hold on to the pieces that it was getting shredded into. Your chest hurting and your ribs were suddenly constricting your lungs from being able to breathe normally.

"Didn't I tell you enough how beautiful you are? How good you are? How you are the kindest and purest person I have ever met? How your heart isn't made of gold but platinum since gold is fucking shit and gets ruined so easily? Didn't I say how much I love you enough? That you are my Rosie?" You sniffled and pressed your eyes more into your knees to let the material of your jeans soak up the tears. "I am forever going to miss you because I will always love you." You managed to look up again, sobs leaving your mouth one after another as you looked at the place where Chaeyoung was supposedly resting now. Weren't your arms enough for her? Couldn't she just rest in your arms until she would feel better again? You were so homesick without her arms around you and it made you wonder if she felt the same right now, the only time you felt somewhat better was when Jennie would hug you.

You used your sleeves to wipe your face, moving to reach for the flowers that were by your feet. "I bought you these...You always hated when I would buy you flowers, but still would always put them on your desk in your room and they would be there until there was no single petal left on them." You said with a chuckle, sniffling as you kept on wiping the tears away with your sleeve. "I wish I had bought you flowers more often though because I know that you secretly loved it...I might start doing it now, buy you flowers every week and give them to you." You heaved a sigh and moved to get on your feet. You looked at the flowers in your grip and with a deep breath you took a step closer to her, crouching down to put them on top of her gravestone with the rest of the flowers and other things.

"I love you Chaeyoung...I love you a lot. You know that a piece of my heart will forever belong to you, that way you will always have a piece of me. I didn't even have to make the promise to never forget you because whether or not I would make that promise, I would never forget you." You explained, your fingers gently running over the polished stone that was connected to the headstone. "You know...if it gets difficult up there just know that I am still always here for you if you need someone to talk to." You reminded her that even if she wasn't here you would still always be there for her no matter how far away she would be. Your arms were always open for Chaeyoung even when her body was cold and not possible to warm up again like you always did.

"I'm sorry for not coming sooner, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I'm so sorry for leaving you alone for so long...I promise that it won't happen again." You said and with a shaky breath pressed your thumb against the stone to seal the promise like you two always did, your tears falling and hitting the stone, splattering like raindrops that hit the ground. Although your tears had more meaning to them than the rain did. "I love you Rosie...I will be back soon so you won't feel alone." You stood up straight and looked over her grave one last time with a heavy heart. It felt difficult to leave her although you knew that nothing would happen if you left her now, always thinking about how if you hadn't left that day then nothing of this would have happened. A piece of you was in that ground with your best friend.

The cemetery was so quiet and peaceful even if people came here to sorrow, to try and bury their grief together with their lost loved ones. Because of that Jennie was in tears, hearing you talk to your best friend the whole time, your voice reaching her and she hoped that it reached Chaeyoung too. She was quick to stand up and wipe her tears when you approached her. You rubbed at your eyes as you stopped in front of her, feeling like a vulnerable mess, ignoring the pain in your right hand that was bruised. Jennie grabbed your balled-up fists and looked you in your red and tear-filled eyes.

"You're so strong. I adore you so much, Y/n...I adore the person you are." Jennie confessed her adoration for you, being the person she adored the most and somehow amidst all your sorrow you felt your heart flutter. Your hand went up to her cheeks cupping them. "Thank you for being here for me...I don't think I would be able to get this far without you Jennie. I really don't think I would be able to." You confessed as you were deeply thankful for having Jennie. She hugged your waist and rested her cheek against your torso as you hugged around her shoulders.

You were going to continue keeping Jennie warm even if you no longer were able to keep Chaeyoung warm. You weren't going to give up on Jennie, she was the only light left in your life at the moment, the only thing keeping you away from getting fully swallowed by all the darkness. She was the only one keeping you warm right now, she was the little fire that you wouldn't let burn out just like she was making sure that the little flame left in you wouldn't fully die out.

-

You were here for Jennie, you weren't sure if you would be sitting here at these bleachers if it wouldn't be for your girlfriend being part of the cheer team as the contest was taking place today. Two months ago you talked about this day with Chaeyoung and now you were sitting at the bleachers empty-handed together with your friends as your school's cheer team would be out soon. The cheer team were doing this to honour your best friend, but it was still difficult to sit here and watch. You knew how difficult it was for the girls on the team and the few guys that were on it too, they were for the first time in four years going to perform without their captain. Jennie had assured you that she was fine and to not worry about her, but you knew that she was hanging on by a thread today. That's why you were here. She would need you today just as much as you had needed her every day for the past two months.

You could feel how your heart started to beat in a heavier way, like when a steam train passes right by you and you can feel it below your feet. Hearing your heartbeat in your ears together with the familiar song. It was the song that Chaeyoung used for this contest exactly four years ago when she became the captain; it was their way to honour her, but you could only think of how you were here to support your best friend on her first big cheer contest as the captain of the team. All your memories were so vivid and you always broke inside at them. Hearing her name was enough to make you fall to pieces all over again.

"You got this in the bag Chaeyoung!" You exclaimed, trying to ease her worries slightly as she was nervous, this was her first big contest as the captain. It was a team sport, but still, a captain was still a captain and everyone was expecting her to shine. Plus the fact that she was 14 with a big audience like that made it just that much more nerve-wracking. "Do you think so?" She nervously asked as you two stood away from the team so you could have some privacy. She didn't want the rest to know how nervous she was, she only trusted you with this. "I've seen you guys practice and it was always great...I will treat you to nuggets if you guys win." You happily said and that seemed to make the girl get into her spirit, knowing that if nuggets were at stake then there was no way that she would allow anything to go wrong.

"Promise?" Chaeyoung said and held out her pinkie to you. With a smile, you hooked your pinkie with hers. "I promise and a milkshake." You promised, as you guys touched thumbs, she let out a small squeal and quickly hugged you, making you hug back. Something about having a friend that you were this close with made everything so weirdly nice. There was some sort of peace coursing through your smaller bodies and making everything else disappear. No nervousness, no fear, nothing like that was present and it felt like you were floating. "And I promise to do my best, especially as a captain." Chaeyoung exclaimed and you nodded. "You always do your best...but you should probably tell that to them." You said and gestured with your head towards her squad that looked like they were about to pass out.

They won that day and they did it three years in a row with Chaeyoung leading them, this would be her fourth regional contest and you bought her those nuggets and milkshake, it became a tradition. You took her to the small place after every contest that they won to eat nuggets.

The crowd erupted into cheers, making your ears ring as they finished. Your friends were on their feet, cheering for your school and Jennie did really great with the team. Getting on your feet, your eyes landed on Jennie, being able to see how her lower lip quivered and the tears cascaded down her cheeks, standing in Chaeyoung's spot as they were in the finishing pose; she was the girl's right hand, it was only right for her to be standing there. As they all were slowly starting to gather to get off the stage you made it through the crowd of people on the bleachers when Jennie quickly ran off the stage. Walking as fast as possible you reached the cheer squad, asking them where Jennie was; everyone on the team was comforting each other, their tears brimming their eyes and it was visible that this wasn't easy for them. They pointed towards their designated changing room as it wasn't taking place at your school and you took off towards it.

Everyone had moved on as you watched the students of your school applaud and cheer. The only ones that were still not fully over it were her friends that only tried to somewhat cheer for the team that didn't have its captain with it. Why wouldn't they have moved on? They didn't know Chaeyoung, she was just someone they passed in the hallways, she wasn't part of their lives while she was a big part of your guys' lives.

You knocked on the door and only got a sob in return so you opened the door, walking inside you closed the door after you and saw Jennie sitting with her face buried in her knees on one of the benches, her body shaking slightly as she continued to cry. God did you hate seeing her like that, you couldn't hold yourself together because whenever she would cry you would end up crying too, but you knew that you had to be strong just this once. She needed you. "Jennie...baby." You let out and the small whimper that came from her cracked another spot in your heart and you weren't sure how much more your heart would be able to take. Sitting down beside her, you wrapped an arm around her, making Jennie look up from her knees and seek comfort in your arms instead as she gripped onto your hoodie, wrapping both your arms around her body as she let you pull her into your lap.

"It's...all just now..." Jennie tried to explain through her sobs, but just ended up swallowing all her words, choking on them, and not being able to continue. She curled up into you more as she sat sideways in your lap, her knees pulled up against you. "It's sinking in now...I thought that I was ok now, but being out there without- without Chaeyoung...it just made it so hard to breathe, Y/n." Jennie cried into the crook of your neck and you felt your eyes water at her words, the mention of her name, it was all so much. "I could feel- I could feel that something was missing the whole time...and realized that it was Chaeyoung." Another whimper came from Jennie and she pulled more on your hoodie, burying her face in the material.

You both knew that the feeling of something, more like someone always missing would always be there now, but you two were never prepared for it to be that obvious. It was like losing a necessity and looking for it. Chaeyoung was someone important in your lives, it didn't matter if you knew her for 13 years or 3 like Jennie. The girl was such a big part of your lives and she suddenly wasn't here, meaning that a big part of your lives, a big part of you was just suddenly missing, simply gone and never coming back. "I feel like I disappointed her and the squad out there...there's no way that I will ever be able to lead anyone to victory, let alone lead as Chaeyoung did, Y/n." You could hear how vulnerable and insecure she felt right now, together with the pain and you could hear yourself in it all. Wondering how Jennie managed to comfort you so well at times like these.

"You have never managed to disappoint her Jennie, or the team...Chaeyoung- she-." You cursed yourself in your head as your voice cracked and you were starting to break down too. Feeling how your nose was prickling, making your tears fill your eyes in an instant because of it. "You're so strong for being able to go out there and lead the team for Chaeyoung, in her honour...She would only be proud of you, especially for being so strong." You spoke against her hair as you nuzzled your face in it, trying your best to make Jennie understand that Chaeyoung would never be disappointed in her. Your best friend always looked up to Jennie for how strong she was and she proved every day how much stronger she was than what you saw.

"She looked up to you, she saw you as a sister...someone who was always there for her and she could trust...she loved you so much that there would never be any room for disappointment, baby." You reassured her, rubbing her back gently when she got hiccups. "You weren't only her right hand on the squad, but outside of it too...she knew that you would make a great captain- that's why she chose you for that position." You pulled your face away from her and Jennie looked up from your hoodie, meeting your eyes. Her eyes filled with tears that ran down her flushed cheeks, her eyes were red and her lower lip started quivering again, the hiccups making it difficult for her to catch her breath.

You moved your one hand up to her face, using it to collect her tears, ignoring the trembling in your fingers as you looked at her. "You're so beautiful and talented...she loves you, they love you, I love you." You let out, caressing her cheek with your thumb, a lump in your throat as you felt a few tears managed to escape your eyes, but your beautiful girlfriend was quick to wipe them for you. You leaned forward and placed your lips on her forehead, leaving a lingering peck as she calmed down with every heartbeat that was slamming against her ribcage from all the emotions that were going through her mind and body. Jennie closed her eyes at your lips against her skin before she felt you rest your forehead against hers, her hand coming around your nape as she scratched gently. "I love you so much Y/n." Jennie let out a whisper and connected her lips with yours.

You were on your way to Chaeyoung's practice as usual after being done with yours, pushing the double doors open that led to the field. Your eyes landed on the cheer squad that was busy with practice- including Chaeyoung who hadn't ran away this time- so you made it to the bleachers where a few others were sitting, joining your friends. Your eyes just scanned everyone for a second, but stopped on the new face that was a part of the practice, realizing that it was the new girl that changed to this school two weeks ago. Although your gaze switched away from her and you looked to your side when you got nudged. "Who is that? I haven't seen her before on the team." Your friend Namjoon asked as he was waiting for one of his other friends that were part of the cheer team too, being a year older, 16 and you 15- a year above you- he didn't know that there was a new girl in the class below his.

"Uhm she's new in class, she started two weeks ago and I guess she got on the team." The guy hummed and nodded, you saw as he fought back a smile and you knew that he was onto you already since your voice never held a quiver when you would talk, but now it did when you talked about the new girl. You somehow managed to find yourself crushing on the girl and you haven't even told Chaeyoung yet- you were going to, but you assumed that she already figured it out because you were always so obvious and she knew you so well. "What's her name?" He asked instead and you glanced over at the field to see them slowly finishing up. "Jennie." Namjoon patted your back and stood up, giving you a wink. "Well, good luck." He said and your lips parted at that, but you didn't get to say anything as he walked down the bleachers, greeting his friend as the practice was over.

If he figured it out within a few minutes then Chaeyoung knew already for sure. You stood up from your spot and saw Chaeyoung already walking towards you. "You did great...well, from the few minutes that I saw you were great." You said and the blonde smiled big. "Great to know that I am good at stretching, Y/n." Chaeyoung said with a giggle since she saw when you came out on the field, which was when they were finishing up and stretching their limbs. You chuckled and shrugged, your eyes momentarily falling behind Chaeyoung to see the new girl- Jennie- packing up her bag while talking to a few girls. Even if your gaze moved away for a split second, Chaeyoung caught it and looked where you had looked before looking back at you.

"I think you have something to tell me...something along the lines of having a crush on the new girl." She teased you and you opened your mouth to say something but puffed out your cheeks instead before releasing your breath. You gave her a bashful nod. "Are you two friends?" You questioned and your hands found their way into your pockets so you wouldn't start fiddling with them as you tended to do that when you were nervous, fiddling with whatever came in reach like your clothes or bracelets or anything else. "Yeah, we're quite close actually...Want me to ask her if she wants to hang out with us today?" Chaeyoung suggested and saw the hope in your eyes as you looked up at her. "Could you? I'd like to get to know her but there's just no way that I will get the guts to ask her myself." You smiled when she gave you a nod before she pulled you with her towards Jennie.

Thanks to Chaeyoung you have an amazing and loving girlfriend. You've known her for three years now and been in a relationship for two, but it felt like you have known each other for so much longer. You were grateful about this every day, and you were so thankful for Chaeyoung, knowing that without her you would never be where you are right now, with Jennie who you loved and adored. Chaeyoung had given you so much and assured so that you were happy and you felt like you had failed her, not sure if you had managed to give her back enough.

It felt like the wind got knocked out of you like you were hit by a bullet train when you stepped inside Chaeyoung's room. It was cold. Why would it be warm if there was no one there to keep it warm? Her smell still lingered in the air and you clenched your jaw to stop your tears, you really didn't have the energy to cry more. You didn't want to cry much more, you came here for some sort of peace and acceptance, not to cry, but it was easier said than done. You weren't sure where to look for your peace in her room, you weren't sure if there was much peace in this room where her sister found her dead. You weren't even sure if peace with this was possible because all your life Chaeyoung was part of that peace.

Deciding to fight the force that was trying to pull you back so you wouldn't enter further, you stepped further into your best friend's room. Everything was left the same as when they found her. Her family couldn't bring themselves to move a single thing. Your breathing got heavy and everything felt so gloomy, it felt like there was a storm inside of you with dark clouds and heavy rain, the wind that blew so hard in your face that you couldn't breathe properly. You stopped by her desk, her things had started to collect dust and your fingers ran across the white wooden desk, picking up some of the dust on the way before stopping by the framed picture. You picked it up and looked down at it. It was a more recent one with you, Chaeyoung, Jennie, Lisa, Jungkook and Namjoon. The dust on the glass got wet and you quickly wiped your eyes as your tears came without a warning.

"See, I told you that this was a terrible idea." Namjoon complained and you scratched the back of your neck as you looked around the place. "Stop yelling at my baby." You stopped scratching your nape and wrapped your arm around Jennie's waist when she walked up to you. You gave Namjoon a smug look, having your girlfriend on your side. The guys tsk'd and looked around, hopelessness in his eyes. "Your so-called baby got us lost in the middle of the woods." He pointed out and you two looked back at the groaning behind the taller guy to see Jungkook who had tripped over a root that was sticking out of the ground. "You idiot." Namjoon let out and held out his hand for the guy that was on the grass. "You owe me a new pair of jeans, Y/n." Jungkook said and dusted off his pants, seeing a small green stain on his left knee.

"I don't owe you shit, you tripped yourself." You defended and he huffed at that. "And to be fair, I just wanted to be nice and show Lisa the waterfall." You continued and sighed, looking around and realising that Lisa wasn't in sight and neither was Chaeyoung. You came up with the idea of taking everyone to the waterfall that you had once discovered but you must have forgotten the way to it because you did not find it and ended up walking in the middle of the woods. The three caught up to what you were looking for and realised too that the two were missing. "Well...You lost the person you wanted to show this to." Jungkook deadpanned since you wanted to especially show this to Lisa as she was an exchange student and wasn't going to be able to see this any other time.

Suddenly you saw the blonde hair you knew so well behind a pair of bushes before her voice echoed through the whole forest, the birds that were nearby scattering to find a new and quiet place. "Hey! We found the waterfall!" Chaeyoung called out and you saw her wave you guys over as she jumped so you guys could see her more clearly from behind the bushes. "You tried." Jennie comforted and patted your back before taking your hand and dragging you to walk with the other two. "I was actually just about to take that turn and-." You got cut off by Namjoon who smacked your head when you were trying to lie your way out of it, the rest of your sentence just getting swallowed back down. "Quiet, Y/n...I rather listen to nature." He said and you rolled your eyes at that.

You smiled as the four of you made it to the other side of the bushes to see the waterfall you had been talking about. "It's really beautiful." Chaeyoung said and Lisa beside her hummed, you sent Chaeyoung a knowing look when you saw the two brushing their fingers against each other, knowing that they were tingling to hold hands with each other but were too nervous to do it. You and Jennie were the same at first. "Yeah...I need some memories of this place." Lisa happily said and showed her camera that she had hanging around her neck. "Here's a great rock Lisa...Just saying if you want a group photo." Jungkook subtly pointed with his head at the rock that would work as a tripod of a sort.

You placed back the framed picture of you guys by the waterfall. You had so many memories with Chaeyoung, but you weren't sure if they were enough. Taking in a shaky breath, you blinked away your tears and looked towards one of the walls she had in her room. Making your way to it as it hurt to walk around her room. It was as if there was poison in the air that occupied her room and you were breathing it in and slowly dying. You looked at all the polaroids on the wall, all those memories you wondered if she took with her to her grave. It all made you realise that time was the most expensive luxury in the world.

You could point at any of the photos and tell exactly what happened on that day, you remembered every day with Chaeyoung and you were so scared that you would forget them now that she wasn't here. They ranged from when you two were five to 18, then there weren't only pictures of you and her, but others too as she always cherished all her friends and family. Although your eyes had to do a double check when you looked at the folded piece of paper that was pinned to the wall in the middle of all the polaroids, your name was written on it and you frowned. Sniffling, you reached for it as it just didn't make sense for it to be there with all those polaroids. You removed the pin and pinned it back into the wall after taking the piece of paper.

The piece of paper looked like it had been ripped out of a lined journal as you unfolded it, letting your eyes scan over it. You stopped, realizing what it was and the air felt even thicker and more poisonous now. Clutching the piece of paper in your hand you turned around and walked over to Chaeyoung's bed. The lump in your throat was getting painful as you sat down in her bed and leaned against the headboard. It felt so weird to be sitting in it and you reached for the plushie, putting it in your lap as you hugged it and rested your chin on top of it. You closed your eyes, the paper still in your hand as you inhaled the smell of Chaeyoung that lingered on the plushie that you gave her when you two were seven and she had kept it all this time. Knowing that you had to face reality you looked up, your tears already staining the plushie as you with your trembling hands unfolded the paper again. Reading what it said as it wasn't just a piece of paper but a note.

I hope it didn't take you too long to get a hold of this letter that I left for you Y/n.

I first want to say that; I really hope that I don't have to be sorry or apologise for my choice. I hope no one is angry with me and if anyone is, I hope they won't stay angry for too long. I hate when people are upset or angry, smiles always suited everyone much better than scowls. Y/n, your smile always made me smile so I hope that you won't cry for too long because I rather look down at you and see you smile than be sad.

I was thinking about this for over three years now, I just couldn't leave you Y/n, not until I would help you find someone who would be able to be there for you like I always was. Finally that someone came into your life, that's why I want you to cherish Jennie the way I cherished you and you cherished me because I know that she will be able to be there for you through your whole life since I won't be able to be there for you in person anymore. My presence will always be with you though even if it's not in person, I will always be watching over you to make sure that you stay on the right path without me right by your side. I think you will be able to realise that you have found a best friend in Jennie too and not just your lover. I know that you have because I saw it with my own eyes. You two are each other's halves now.

I know that I promised to stay forever. I am going to keep that promise and stay forever by your side even if it's not in person.

I know that it's always possible to feel better but I don't want to feel better when I know that any second I can just fall back down to the bottom where I was a second ago. I also doubt that it is possible to go back to my old self and if I lost my old self, then I don't wanna keep going. It's the old me that everyone loves, it's the old me that I loved and I just can't seem to accept or love the person I am now.

I can't see myself doing all those things that are meant to be done when you grow up. College, work, relationships, starting a family or anything along those lines. And even if I can do them, I don't want to do them, not like this.

I haven't been feeling too well for the past three years. I could have told you, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so. I didn't want you to sit and worry about me every night because I know that you would do just that. I knew that there was no going back for me Y/n and even if there would be, nothing would feel the same anymore. Please don't blame yourself for anything and don't think that you did something wrong. You kept me going for these three years and I didn't think I would be able to stay that long but I did, but there's only so far a torn car can go.

I can only apologise for not having a good explanation for why I did what I did. I know it sounds complicated, but it really isn't Y/n, and we have always been honest with each other and I will be honest with you in this letter.

My will to not want to live is so strong that it's hard to find words to describe it. But I shouldn't have to explain why I want to die so badly because it's simple, I just want to die. I can't apologise for that, Y/n and I am really hoping you will understand.

That day, you gave me everything I needed for the last time before I would leave.

You gave me my last laugh. My last smile. My last cry. My last memories. My last hug. My last words. My last 'I love you'. My last promise.

You gave me all those things that I wanted to experience with you one last time in one day. You are the best person I have ever been with, ever met. There was never anyone that could have replaced you, done anything better than you or treated me better than you. Nothing you did could have been done better. I love you Y/n and always did, but unfortunately, even you aren't making it hard for me to leave this time. I wish it wasn't like that, but I have lost myself a long time ago, I don't know who I am anymore or maybe this is who I am, but I just can't accept the person I am now. You always loved me for who I was, I just wished that I would be able to love myself the same way too.

This is no one else's fault but mine. Don't blame yourself or anyone else, Y/n/n.

Aside from those hard times, I went through, amidst all that and before it, you always created great memories with me. I cherish all the things we did together and I hope you will cherish them for us for the rest of your life.

Please, don't stare at the sunsets for too long to find me because I am right by your side whether you feel it or not. I am right there by your side, holding your hand through it all like always. Please, keep all the promises we made, especially the last two we made that day and never forget me. I hope you can let me keep on living through you, through your memories of me, that way I will never die. Some people do live forever, they live on through you and won't die, you decide when they die by either remembering them or forgetting them. I hope you won't let me die fully.

I promise to be safe wherever I end up and put in a good word for you to God if it is heaven. Stay safe for me Y/n, keep Jennie safe and the ones close to you too. Love everyone unconditionally just like you loved me. Keep on living your life and don't hold back because time won't stop. Take my advice one last time, I can see that Jennie is the one, pursue a future with her because I know that you two will keep each other happy.

I love you Y/n, you're the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for. You're special to me and always will be. Thank you for making me happy when I thought I couldn't be and thank you for giving me so many great memories.

From: Chaeyoung, your Rosie.

You clutched onto the paper in your hands and buried your face into the plushie, crying in pain and nothing else. This was what you needed in the end, this is what made you realise the truth, that your best friend was no longer here. You never failed her. She loved you all this time, but there was nothing anyone could do to change the outcome of things.

-

"I came just like I promised you Chaeyoung." You stated as you made yourself comfortable on the grass in front of Chaeyoung's grave. This time you weren't clutching the flowers in your hand, but you placed them in front of your feet. "I bought you flowers again, just like I said that I would..." You trailed off and bit your lower lip, smiling as you looked at the picture of her by her name. The girl smiling back at you and it felt all warm and fuzzy this time. "I found your letter to me last week and I just want to thank you for always being there for me." You spoke and fiddled with the grass you sat on. You let out a sigh and closed your eyes, letting the sun warm you up as it was slowly setting, but it was still keeping the cold from getting you.

Opening your eyes again you looked past her grave and at the sky, watching the sunset with a little chuckle. "I know that you told me not to look for you in the sunsets, but I just can't help myself at times...It just feels like I might see you in them." You explained as you still would catch yourself gazing at the sunsets whenever you would see one. It felt like Chaeyoung was right there then and you always looked so the moment would last a bit longer. "You aren't here anymore, but I am grateful that you were here for the time that you were...I'm just happy that I met you even if I wish that we could have spent more years together...I will learn to fully accept it as it is, for you and everyone else, Chaeyoung." You said and pulled on the grass straws, taking in a deep breath, you could smell the grass and flowers around you this time, even the sunset had a smell to it, and you could smell the warmth that it created.

Taking another deep breath, this time you could feel your lungs expand as the air reached you and wasn't heavy at all. It was all so light and fresh, it felt nice to be able to breathe again. It was as if someone was holding you back the whole time from all these things until you would learn to accept everything. Maybe it was Chaeyoung since she hated whenever you would be crying all miserable. "I want to assure you that I am going to keep all the promises we made, the last two ones we made that day too and I will never forget you...I will let you to continue live through my memories." You assured her. You were no longer waiting for answers from her because everything was already answered for you. You could let Chaeyoung get the peace she wanted, she could finally rest as you let her do so.

"I thought that you would want to know that no one is angry about your choice and you don't have to be sorry about what you did. I was never angry with you, but myself although after reading your letter, you assured me that I didn't have to." You leaned forward and placed your hand over the gravestone, running your fingers over the polished stone with a small smile. Removing a few small leaves that were resting on it and whatnot. Living life was much easier now that there weren't as many why's in it. Not only could Chaeyoung have her peace now and rest, but so could you.

"You know the plushie I bought you when we were seven, yeah...I kind of took it with me and I hope you don't mind although Jennie keeps on stealing it in the middle of the night in her sleep...She then wakes up and says that she thought that it was me that she was hugging." You said with a grin and looked again at the picture, meeting her eyes that were even glimmering in the picture. The sunset kept warming you up and it was just how Chaeyoung's hugs felt. You were about to say more when you felt something furry nuzzle into your arm that was resting behind you as you leaned back, holding yourself up with your arms. Looking at whatever it was that was rubbing against you to see a small tuxedo kitten. You moved your hand and picked it up, the kitten letting you do just that and you placed it in your lap.

"What're you doing here?" You questioned and looked to see that it didn't have a collar, inspecting quickly to see it was a girl. She purred and you placed her back down in your lap, petting the kitten as you looked at her. "You're so cute." You cooed and pouted at the tiny kitten as she was so cuddly, reminding you of Chaeyoung who always clung to you for hugs and cuddles. The feline made herself comfortable in your lap as she lay down with you scratching her head. "I'm gonna keep on coming every week to visit you and talk...I really don't want you to feel like you are alone." You spoke to Chaeyoung after looking up from the kitten. There was just one thing that would never sit right with you even if you moved on and kept on living your life. There would always be one thing that would always bug you. That there would always be a presence missing no matter how much time would pass.

"I still think that it's ok to miss you even if I am supposed to move on with life." You stated as a matter of fact, there was no way that you would ever just not miss her. You moved the kitten out of your lap, placed it beside you and grabbed the flowers. "Oh come on." You complained when the feline attacked them, pulling off a few petals so you pushed her away as she didn't seem too fond of flowers. Getting on your feet, you ignored how your shoelaces were being tugged at and your shoes probably getting ruined by the claws and you put the flowers on the gravestone. "You're the bestest friend I could have ever asked for Chaeyoung, I love you." You said and felt how your eyes got a little warmer, closing them to compose yourself and stop yourself from shedding tears. "Be safe and I will be too." You let out a shaky breath and smiled at her one last time.

-

"Jennie, I swear she followed me all the way from the cemetery." You defended as you held the kitten in your arms, standing right by Jennie's door after entering her room to get a bunch of questions thrown your way about why you had a cat with you. You used your finger and rubbed her nose, her paws gripping onto your finger as she licked it. "So you just...brought her inside with you?" Jennie asked confused as she looked at you holding the kitten, you hummed and shrugged your shoulders. "It's the cat distribution system...I think Chaeyoung reincarnated as a cat. Let's name her Rosé." You said and walked past Jennie who looked a bit baffled as you had inadvertently adopted a kitten just now, well, it was more like the kitten adopted you as she chose you. You were suddenly convinced that this was your best friend reincarnated as a cat because they were quite similar in behaviour.

Jennie got on the bed and crawled over to you as you sat with the kitten in your lap. "You really think that it's her?" Jennie questioned, curious and joined in on petting the feline that was purring, enjoying the moment very much. None of you ever crossed over the possibility of reincarnation and that it's real. Somehow it felt light to think that this could as well be her, it was comforting even if it didn't necessarily have to be true. You would like to believe that it is true. "I'd like to think that it is." You mumbled and Jennie's hand came down to yours, grabbing it as she caressed it with her thumb. "Then it definitely is...I don't think you would mistake your best friend." You chuckled at her words and she could feel how her whole body warmed up as you were finally smiling again without any tears in your eyes or pain in your voice. She could hear and see that you had come to terms with things and found peace.

You looked up at Jennie when she cupped your face and you both leaned in, connecting your lips for a sweet kiss that was no longer filled with salty tears. "I love you." You spoke against her lips and she hummed. "I love you." She said and attached her lips back to yours, but it didn't last long when you pulled away and hissed in slight pain when you felt claws dig into your thigh. Jennie laughed and you pulled Rosé away from you, holding her up as you gave her a look. "I think we should establish some rules here when it comes to the bedroom and Rosé...Cause I don't think any of us, including her, will be comfortable if she's in here when she shouldn't." Jennie stated and you hummed in agreement, a big smile on your face.

You were going to keep each promise and let Chaeyoung continue living through your memory, never forgetting her and always loving her. She was always going to be your best friend and a part of your life. Nothing would ever be the same, but nothing does ever stay the same in the end, whether she would be here or not.

[angelwonie]

CHERRY CHAPSTICK || hwang hyunjin

PAIRING: hyunjin x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 8.9k

SUMMARY: being hopelessly in love with your best friend is bad enough in itself, but when you decide to spontaneously kiss him at a party and he kisses you back — that's when it gets complicated. or maybe it's not complicated at all.

GENRE(S): smut, fluff, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining

WARNINGS: smut [unprotected sex, fingering, praise, manhandling, use of petnames], consumption of alcohol, hyunjin is a simp

happy birthday deni @cosmic-railwayxo my gf!! i love you so much and i hope you like this gift babe

It’s not all that difficult to pretend Hwang Hyunjin is your friend.

Okay, clarification – Hwang Hyunjin is, in fact, your friend. For real. No pretending is required. You suppose that’s a given after he’s been by your side for the past seven or so years. And through all those years, he has time after time proved himself to be the shoulder you can lean on no matter what. Which means that your friendship is perfect. 

In a perfect friendship, there is no room for secrets, though. No facades or lies. So maybe it’s not a perfect friendship, after all. At least not on your part. Because you do keep secrets from Hyunjin. One secret, actually. One thing you can never tell him, no matter how badly you want him to know, just because you’re way too scared of losing him. 

The fact that you’re madly in love with him. 

Your best friend. Hwang fucking Hyunjin. It’s the most annoying thing ever. Only you are unlucky enough to fall for the one person you shouldn’t fall for. 

Your self-pitying is cut short when you hear your phone buzz and the phone caller ID shows up on the screen. Of course, it’s Hyunjin. You sigh, rolling out of bed as you pick up. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m outside,” He greets you. “Are you ready?”

Ready? It takes your brain a second or two to process what he just said and then it hits you. You’re supposed to meet up with your friends and go to an art museum together. One look at the clock on the wall tells you you’re already running late – you’re supposed to meet them at the museum at 1pm, which means you have less than twenty minutes left. And you’re still in your pajamas.

“Uh,” You bite your lip, frantically searching for a shirt to wear as you hear Hyunjin giggle through the phone. That alone makes you smile despite your situation – he’s got such a pretty laugh. If you could, you’d record it and listen to it every night before going to sleep. 

“It was a rhetorical question,” He says. “I know you just woke up. Just hurry up, okay? It’s cold out here, so wear a jacket.”

“Okay.” 

He hangs up and you’re left smiling, not only because of his laugh, but also because he cared enough to tell you to put on a jacket. Of course, he did, you mentally scold yourself, because he’s your friend, dumbass. You put your clothes on quickly so as not to keep Hyunjin waiting for too long and apply your cherry Chapstick – the one you've been using ever since Hyunjin mentioned cherries were his favorite fruit. 

You walk out the door with your jacket slung around your shoulders around ten minutes later. 

He’s leaning against the wall of your apartment building, looking down at his phone with his black hair falling into his eyes in a way that looks totally planned, because there's just no way those hair strands arrange themselves like that naturally. What is he, pretending to be a model because God forbid if one day passes without some random girl asking for his number? You scoff a little too loudly at the thought, and it makes his head snap up, eyes meeting yours as he puts his phone in his pocket.

“Finally,” He drawls, dramatically as always, as the two of you start walking in the direction of the bus stop. It’s automatic now – when you’re going somewhere, you always take the bus together. “I would’ve freezed to death had you taken any longer.” 

“Oh, shut up,” You nudge him with your elbow, smiling when he lets out an all too loud ‘ouch’, rubbing his arm like you just punched him with all your might. “Why are you so excited about this, anyway? Haven’t you been to that museum, like, seventy times?”

“So?” He furrows his brows. “It’s still refreshing to look at paintings, even if you've seen them thousands of times. Art is timeless, you know.”

You hold back a smile. Hyunjin really has a way with words. You don’t think you’ve ever heard anybody talk the way he does – like the whole world lies in the palm of his hand but he doesn’t realize it. But maybe that’s just your own feelings talking. Either way, the way he speaks is one of the things you love most about him, and so, it has simultaneously become one of the things you have to pretend to hate. 

“And there you go with that hopelessly romantic talk again,” You’ve reached the bus station, so you stop walking, and so does Hyunjin. 

The air’s not as cold as Hyunjin had claimed, but with how much wind there is, you don’t regret putting on a jacket at all. You lean against the bus stop sign, eyes darting to look at Hyunjin as you wait. He’s deep in thought, you realize, with his hands buried deep in his pockets and his gaze scanning the area like he hasn’t seen it a billion times before. He really does find beauty in everything, you think to yourself. The wind ruffles Hyunjin’s hair and he closes his eyes to feel the breeze – a simple act yet it’s enough to make you question whether you’ve got a hopelessly romantic mindset, too. 

Maybe you only have that when it comes to him. Is that even possible? You suppose it’s just as possible as falling in love with your best friend – unlikely, but not impossible at all. You’re living proof of that.

The bus arrives and Hyunjin looks back subtly as he’s entering to make sure you’re following. It’s sweet. He’s sweet. Oh, what a tragedy this whole thing is. Probably even more tragic than those Shakespeare books you read unwillingly because Hyunjin said they were his favorites. 

The bus is almost empty, so you plop down next to Hyunjin in some of the front seats. Your leg bumps into his accidentally and you snatch it back far too quickly, but he doesn’t seem to notice, glancing out of the window, tapping his fingers on his thigh to some tune. For a while, you look at his movements, trying to figure out what song he’s playing, but you give up soon enough when you can’t seem to recognize it. It’s way too early for that kind of thinking, anyway. 

“We’re here,” You say when you arrive at your stop, well aware that Hyunjin knows it. That’s just another part of your routine, you guess. He picks you up, looks back when you enter the bus and you announce the stations for him even though he’s got it memorized. “They’re angry we’re late, aren’t they?”

“Probably,” He sighs. “I’ll just tell them the bus was late.”

It feels like your whole heart swells up at his words. Yes, Hyunjin knows you don’t like to get blamed for things and yes, he’s your best friend, so it would seem that it’s only natural he tells a white lie to save your ass. 

Except Hyunjin doesn’t tell lies. He’s like the god of honesty or something, because you swear, all these years you know him, you’ve never heard him tell a lie. Not even when he and Changbin were planning your birthday party – when you asked him why he was busy, he told you straight up he was choosing what cake to buy. Changbin pretty much beat him up for that, and yet he did the same exact thing the year after that. Now there’s no beating up at stake and he’s willing to cover for you? 

“Why would you do that?” You mumble to yourself as you walk behind him, the museum coming into view.

“Just ‘cause,” He says as you catch up to him, and you realize he must’ve heard you. “It’ll take up our time if they start whining about it. I’d rather look at paintings than hear them complain for half an hour.”

Ah. There it is. The reason he’s willing to lie. Of course, it’s because of the paintings, you should’ve known. He’s obsessed with them, after all. See, this is where having purely platonic feelings for Hyunjin would’ve been a major win. It would’ve been so much less painful if you weren’t getting your hopes up each time he did something remotely affectionate – you would’ve simply thought of them as friendly acts, not signs of his undying love for you. Guess you really are like Hyunjin, after all, if not a romantic, at least you’re hopeless. 

“Good point,” You say, voice faltering just a bit. 

After that, you just walk alongside him in silence until you reach the museum. As expected, your friends are standing out front, some of them talking loudly in between each other, and others smoking cigarettes. The smoke reaches you when you walk closer, and from the corner of your eye, you can glimpse how Hyunjin scrunches his nose up in disgust at the smell. Cute, you think to yourself, letting out a soft laugh. 

“Hyunjin, Y/N,” Changbin is the first one to spot you, and soon every one of your friends is looking in your direction. “What the hell took you so long?”

“The bus didn’t arrive on time,” Hyunjin says instantly. 

You look at him and he sends you a soft smile – one that drowns out the sound of Changbin’s annoyed voice and makes you zone out for just enough time to make Minho grab your wrist and pull you inside, muttering something about ‘wasting time’ under his breath. The two of you enter the museum first and show your tickets to the staff and stand in the hallway, waiting for the others. 

“You’re making it obvious, you know,” Minho says as you smile in Hyunjin’s direction, and it makes you turn to him with a confused expression. “That you like him. It’s only a matter of time before he realizes it, too.”

You sigh in defeat. There’s no use in lying to him, he’s got you all figured out already, so instead, you just mumble a small ‘I really hope he doesn't’ and glare at him when he chuckles. 

“You shouldn’t look this depressed even before he’s rejected you,” He comments and you scoff. Like he has any idea what it’s like to be in love with your fucking best friend. “What do you know, maybe he likes you, too.” 

You roll your eyes at the way Minho wiggles his eyebrows at you, but you don’t get to do much more than that because all of a sudden all of your friends are there. Hyunjin is there, too, his shoulder brushes against yours when he stands next to you. How do you know that it’s him before you even turn to look at him? You have no idea, but you can just kind of tell the warmth you’re feeling is radiated by him. And it turns out to be true when you turn your head to the side, almost losing the ability to breathe when you’re met with his gaze already set on you. 

He looks beautiful even in the poor lighting provided by the lamps above his head, eyes shining with this light they only hold when he’s surrounded by what he loves the most. Art. You can tell he’s happy even though he’s not smiling or laughing. It’s silent, his happiness, but for someone like you, someone who’s spent years looking at him, learning how to read him, it’s evident nonetheless. 

“Someone’s happy,” You hum to Hyunjin after your friends have vanished to look at the erotic paintings, giggling like school girls and boys. 

“Them? Yeah, they’re really enjoying this.” 

“I meant you,” You follow him when he slowly walks to look at one of the paintings, examining it. His brows furrow and his jaw is set when he’s focused, and right now is no exception. “One would think you just won a million dollars from the way you’re skipping around.”

You don’t say that you think it’s adorable or that if it were up to you, you would come here every day just to see his eyes sparkle like that. His stare leaves the painting when you utter those words, moving to look at you with an expression you can’t figure out. Which is weird, because you know exactly how to read Hwang Hyunjin. Usually. But now, his eyes are a little widened, his lip pulled between his teeth, fingers tapping his hip like he doesn’t really know what to do with his hands. It stresses you out a little and makes your heart jump in your chest because you could swear for a moment his gaze fans down to your lips. 

This only lasts a second or so, though, because soon enough, he turns his attention back to the painting in front of him. No words, no nothing. You walk a little closer, feeling kind of hurt that he’s so uninterested in holding a conversation. Maybe he senses something is wrong, or maybe his timing is just perfect, because not even a minute later, you hear him gasp quietly, shuffling next to you.

“Look,” He says just as you’re about to ask him what’s going on, and you turn around to look out of the window like him. You immediately recognize the vehicle you’re met with, a smile slowly spreading itself over your face. “It’s that food truck you mentioned last weekend, isn’t it? The one with the hamburgers you wanted to try”

“Yeah, it is.” You grin wider. He remembered. You were rambling about that food truck while he was trying to finish his homework, so you didn’t really expect him to listen. But he did. 

“Let’s go, then,” He smiles, eyes still trained on the vehicle and sparkling. 

“Wait-” You start, but before you can say anything else, his fingers wrap around your wrist and he drags you through the hall in a hurry. The paintings surrounding you start to blur when he starts running, his hand tugging at yours and forcing you to pick up the pace, too. He runs out the door and you shiver when the cool air hits your skin – now you’re really regretting leaving your jacket in the dressing room. Sensing your slight hesitation, Hyunjin whips his head around to look at you for a moment, before pulling at your hand again and jogging up to the food truck, 

You’re left catching your breath as he orders something, just now realizing that you left all your friends behind at the museum. Hyunjin seems pretty unbothered, though, handing the seller his card, his cheeks a little red – probably from the cold air or all the running. You’re a hundred meters away from the museum now, and surely, your friends have noticed your absence, but you can’t really bring yourself to worry about that when you see the satisfied smile on Hyunjin’s face as the seller hands him his order. 

It’s only then that you notice his hand is still holding onto yours, and you pull it back so quickly you hit your thumb on your thigh. It hurts a little, but the pain is dull compared to how fast your heart hammers against your chest – it’s like when you’ve run a few laps too much around the stadium, and it makes you feel dizzy and nauseous as hell. Hyunjin sends you an inquiring look, but you avert your gaze, waiting as he takes the order from the man inside the truck. 

You’re so stupid. What if he understands you like him now? What if you’ve just ruined everything? You can’t act this weird. You’re supposed to be his best friend. But a friend wouldn’t react like this to his hand touching yours. 

“Let’s sit,” You say this as he walks closer to you, partly to break the tension, but mostly because he’s making you nervous with the way he’s eyeing you cautiously like he’s trying to look into your soul and find out all your secrets. “There’s a table over here.”

You plop down on the chair furthest away from Hyunjin, even though it sparks up a feeling of guilt in your stomach. He might look like he doesn’t notice this – to someone that doesn’t know him, at least. But you do know him, and you can see how his jaw tightens, gaze a little absent. You can basically see the thoughts racing through his mind. You wonder if one of them has the suspicion that you like him. 

“You realize we can’t go back inside after running out like that? Our tickets are in Lisa’s bag,” You say after a while, breaking the awkward silence. You don’t want it to be awkward. Not with him. So the best thing is to just pretend nothing happened. Essentially, you think, nothing did. “You won’t get to look at your precious paintings.” 

Hyunjin shrugs and his gaze softens. “You said it yourself, I've seen them a million times before.” 

You nod, reminded of the hamburger in your hand. It’ll get cold at this rate, you realize, and bite into it, mostly because you don’t know what else to say to Hyunjin. The food is great, though, so you’re thankful he brought you here. And thankful he remembered. But instead of thanking him, you’re acting like a crazy person – all because you’ve got this stupidly huge crush on him and everything he does makes your heart beat faster. Even though he probably only means it in a friendly way. 

Wow, this is getting impressive. At this point, you’re just friend-zoning yourself so he won’t have to.

“Is it good?”

“What?” You look up at him with your mouth full of food. Hyunjin’s lips quirk upward, and it makes you want to die as you swallow. Why do these things always happen to you, of all people?

“The hamburger. Was it worth it?”

“Oh,” You say, this time making sure there’s no salad between your teeth. “Yeah. It’s really good.”

“Good. Let’s go then, if you’re done eating,” He smiles and stands up. Looking down at the lack of hamburger wrapping in his hands, you realize he didn’t buy anything for himself at the food truck, and it makes you knit your brows together in confusion. Why did he run all the way here, then? Especially when he could’ve stayed inside and admired those paintings he’s always gushing about instead? 

You stand up, too, but as you take the first step in Hyunjin’s direction you basically trip over your feet. Or, as it turns out once you lower your gaze, your untied shoelaces. “Shit.” 

Hyunjin interrupts your intentions of tying them by kneeling down himself, making you freeze in place as his fingers come up to tie the laces. You don’t say anything – just look at him from above, the way he moves his fingers swiftly, the way his muscles flex when he does it, and the way he needs to shield his eyes from the sun as he stands up (way too soon, according to you), flashing you a smile. It’s genuine and cute – one of the rare times he’s not laughing at you or smiling because the situation requires it.

“You should be more careful. Not tying your shoelaces is dangerous, especially for clumsy people like you.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, but you don't really get to react in any other way because suddenly, your friends jump out from behind the corner of the building you ran away from, crying out when they spot you. They’ve been looking for you, that much you can gather, but your eyes linger on Hyunjin, and Hyunjin only. 

Vaguely, you can hear how they’re complaining about you and him ‘leaving them out’, but you can’t really focus on the words spilling out of their mouths, mind occupied with replaying the picture of Hyunjin tying your shoes earlier, the way his smile made you weak in the knees. You seriously need to stop thinking about him this way.

But you can’t. Not when you’re so hopelessly in love with him. 

—

Parties aren't really Hyunjin’s thing.

Of course, he enjoys spending time with his friends, and he doesn't really mind hanging out as a group and drinking. But these kinds of parties – sweaty bodies everywhere, all too loud music and cheap alcohol mixed with the sight of people hooking up in the open – he genuinely despises. There are way too many people and way too little space. 

You don't feel the same way about parties. That much is obvious from how you're dancing with Changbin in the middle of the living room belonging to someone whose name Hyunjin doesn't remember. You’re on your third, maybe fourth, drink already, but who’s really counting. Except for Hyunjin, of course. Your laugh is louder than usual, it reaches his ears even though he’s standing a couple meters away, hiding in a corner. He’d never admit it, but the only reason he ever comes to these godforsaken parties is because you beg him to. And because, usually, he has to drive you home afterward. 

He doesn’t mind it as much as he pretends to, though. 

“Hyunjin!” 

Your words are slurred as you fall into his arms suddenly, but it’s a miracle you even managed to spot him in that state of yours. He crunches his nose in disgust at the reek of alcohol surrounding you and pushes you away from him so he can grab at your shoulders. The way you pout is cute, he thinks and shakes his head immediately as if that’s going to get rid of his dumb thoughts. His eyes fan down to your outfit – the all-too-low cleavage of your top and the short skirt that hugs your hips. It’s shameful how his pants feel too tight all of a sudden, so he averts his gaze. He’s too late, though, because you already noticed.

“Do I look pretty?” You ask him and swirl around, like what he needs right now is to get a better look at your legs. It takes all in him to keep his eyes on the back of your head until you turn around to face him again. 

“You look drunk,” He replies, albeit not very convincingly due to the light shiver in his tone, holding your arm tighter when you almost trip over your own feet. 

“I’m not drunk,” You protest, but lean into his touch nonetheless. The way he holds you against his chest when someone tries to pass by leaves your heart pounding at a dangerously fast speed and makes you feel a little lightheaded. That has nothing to do with the fact that you’re drunk, though. But the words you let escape your mouth after that do. “I like it when you hold me like this.”

Due to the alcohol in your system, you don’t really realize what you’ve said, but Hyunjin does. And it feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest. He hopes you can’t hear it, because god, how embarrassing would that be? Here he is, feeling nervous over something you said while being both drunk and his friend. It’s natural for friends to like hugging each other. Right? 

“Aren’t you gonna say anything?” Hyunjin can feel how you lean more of your weight on him, your smiling face a little too close to his own. He can hear your breathing clearly now, and the hand that holds onto his shoulder for support is burning his skin. “You’re lucky you look so cute right now or I would’ve gotten real mad at you.”

His breath hitches, but he doesn’t think you notice. Or maybe you do. He can’t really tell in this poor lighting and with the way your thigh rests between his legs. It’s distracting. You are distracting. 

“But, then again,” You lean so close to him that your noses almost touch and he can feel your hot breath on his lips. “You always look cute. When you’re focused and you furrow your brows. When you’re looking at paintings and your eyes light up. Even when you’re scolding me and your jaw is set, I find it cute. Because you’re doing it out of concern for me. You’re always so nice to me. Always so sweet. It’s not all that weird that I fell in love with you, actually.” 

That’s when it all slows down. It’s like the world outside is nonexistent. His eyes are wide, and he’s pretty sure his hands are starting to shake. He looks at you – your wide smile, the way your gaze drops to his lips for a second longer than appropriate, and how you’re tilting your head to the side. You’re going to kiss him, he realizes. You’ve just told him you like him and now you’re going to kiss him. He can feel your warm hand rest on his chest and he wants nothing more than to pull you closer, even though he shouldn’t. 

What he should do is push you away. Tell you you’re way too drunk and you won’t remember any of this tomorrow. But he doesn’t. Because there's still that part of him that reminds him you haven’t even drunk that much, that you’re completely aware of your actions. It’s still you – your sparkling eyes, soft hair that smells of strawberries, and touch that drives him insane no matter how innocent it is. His best friend. The girl he’s in love with. 

When your lips press against his, Hyunjin knows he wouldn’t be able to pull away even if he wanted to. 

You taste of whiskey and cherries, the latter presumably from the chapstick you’ve been using for the past couple of years – the one Hyunjin has been dying to know the taste of for a shameful amount of time. It’s even better than he expected. Your hands are in his hair, and his fingers rest against the bare skin of your stomach, spreading goosebumps all over it. Experimentally, he urges you to open your mouth and when you do, he lets his tongue slip inside. 

He pulls you closer, and you sigh contentedly into his mouth in response, pulling at his hair. It feels so good – feeling his lips on yours after only having imagined what it would be like to kiss him. And he’s kissing you back, just as fervently. It’s like a dream come true. You slip your hands under his shirt, way too drunk on him to even think about where you are and that you’ve just confessed your love for your best friend. Alcohol is good for something, after all, you suppose. 

Feeling your fingers trace his abdominal muscles brings Hyunjin back to reality, and as much as he wants to let you touch him, he remembers you’re at a party. And there’s alcohol in your system. This is wrong. There’s no guarantee you even meant what you said, or if you’ll remember it tomorrow. So, as much as he doesn’t want to, he pushes you away. 

“You need to go home, Y/N,” He says upon seeing your confused expression. “You’re drunk.”

For a moment, none of you move. You’re just staring at him with your lips swollen from kissing, pupils wide, and Hyunjin thinks you must be the most beautiful person alive. But there’s a hint of pain hidden in your eyes when he meets them and it sparks up guilt in his stomach. He wants to hug you, but he doesn’t. You’re drunk and overreacting. Tomorrow, if you even remember anything at all, you’ll be thankful he saved your friendship from going under. Because there’s no way you’re actually in love with him, after all. 

“Come on, let’s get you home, alright?” He wants to grab your hand, but you pull away. 

There’s no reason for you to be this upset. He’s drunk, you’re drunk, it happens. And so it’s only natural he wants to pretend nothing happened. You’re best friends, after all. But it still hurts and the alcohol still flowing through your veins only urges you to speak your mind.

“If you didn’t want to kiss me, you could’ve just said so.”

And before you can think twice, you leave him standing there and ask Minho to drive you home. He doesn’t ask any questions and you’re thankful for that. 

Right now, it doesn’t feel like you have any answers. 

—

You’ve never avoided Hyunjin before.

Not when you were mad at him for listening in on a fight you had with your mom, and not after he caught you making out with his best friend in high school. Sure, both you and him got mad sometimes, but you’d always talk it out. Or, as it would be more accurate to say, he would talk, and slowly, but surely, you’d come to realize there was no reason to be mad. And everything would be back to normal. 

But the thing is – this time you’re not mad. Just embarrassed. And scared. Really fucking scared. And since Hyunjin is the source of those intrusive emotions, your smart brain came up with the idea of avoiding him until you magically fall out of love with him and will be able to tell him that the kiss was a mistake you regret making. 

It’s a horrible plan, really. But it’s all you’ve got.

And it works just fine for, like, thirteen hours. Out of which you slept ten. 

In the morning, Hyunjin calls you, but you ignore it. He doesn’t call again, probably coming to the conclusion that you’re still asleep. Then, you skip class to avoid him. Stupid move, because that just makes him send you even more messages, asking you if everything’s alright. And the worst part is, you want to respond to them. You really do. This is Hyunjin, after all. Your best friend. You’re missing him already. Why did you have to be so stupid and kiss him? You could’ve just let him live in ignorant bliss and saved your friendship, but instead, you chose this. You really are stupid. 

All in all, dodging his calls and skipping class is manageable, but you can’t really keep avoiding him when he quite literally grabs your hand as you’re on the way to the bathroom, pulling you into some empty classroom. 

“What are you–” You begin to say, but he cuts you off.

“You’re avoiding me,” It’s not a question. His gaze is hard and you look down – partially because you’re ashamed, but mostly because you’re afraid that if you look at his handsome face you’re just going to start crying, reminded of how he pushed you away yesterday. “Why?” 

That is a question, but it’s so dumb it makes you scoff. Does he really not know why you’re avoiding him or is he just playing dumb? It seems pretty simple to you – you told him you like him, he rejected you, and now avoiding him is easier than facing the truth. But he doesn’t appear to understand that, eyebrows raised as he eyes you cautiously. 

“Why?” He asks again, and so you cave. 

“Because,” You lock eyes with him and feel all those emotions you felt at the party all over again. “I told you I liked you yesterday. So now I’m embarrassed to even look at you.”

Silence falls over the room after you say that, your fingers fiddling with the hem of your shirt as you wait for him to say something. Anything. 

“You were drunk,” He sighs after a while. “I didn’t take it seriously. You don’t need to be embarrassed, so let’s just forget it ever happened if that’s what you want.” 

One second passes. Then two. He thinks you weren’t serious. That’s amazing news – it means you can just lie about it and never talk about it with him ever again – so why don’t you feel relieved? If anything, it makes you feel even more miserable. Because maybe – just maybe – you’d hoped he’d say he’s in love with you too. Or at least that he’d take you seriously, because, fuck, this is serious. And honestly, lying about it for another seven years seems worse than telling him right now and getting it over with.  

“I meant it,” The words fall off your tongue suddenly – an outburst of feelings you hadn’t originally intended to share. “What I said yesterday. I wasn’t even that drunk, that was just an excuse.”

You suck in a breath. One. Two. Three. It’s fine; you’re fine. Just say it. You can’t exactly back off now, either way. Hyunjin’s expression is unreadable, but that might just be your heart banging in your ears so hard you can’t focus on anything else. Okay. You can do this. 

“I’m in love with you, Hyunjin. I’ve been in love with you since I can remember. It was bound to slip out sooner or later, I guess. This just kinda makes me wish it happened later.” 

There. You said it. 

Hyunjin’s face remains unchanged, only a small spark in his eyes indicating he heard you. A few strands of his hair fall into his forehead, but he doesn’t push them away. It’s like he wants you to step forward and do it yourself. You don’t have the courage to do that, though. Instead, you just stand there and look at him until he decides to say something. 

“Why?”

His voice is soft and welcoming, so you reply right away. 

“Because you don’t feel the same way about me. And I’m scared nothing’s gonna be the same between us after this.”

He looks at you and it feels like he’s staring right into your soul. Though you suppose he wouldn’t need any special powers to do that, since you basically exposed all of yourself to him right now. He’s only silent for three or four seconds, but it feels like years as you’re standing there. You’re in the chemistry classroom, you realize, so if you were to run away now you could just say you were afraid a professor would catch you. You never get that far, though, because, at that moment, Hyunjin decides to finally speak. 

“You always do that, you know,” You furrow your brows, but he only smiles shyly. In surprise, you notice how his cheeks are tinted light pink. He’s blushing. You haven’t seen him blush since, like, sixth grade, when your mom called him handsome. “Jump to conclusions. I pushed you away yesterday because I didn’t want you to do anything you would regret later. Like drunkenly kiss your best friend that is hopelessly in love with you and give him false hope.” 

It takes a minute for his words to sink in, but when they do, it feels surreal. Is he saying what you think he’s saying? He must notice your confused expression, because he walks closer and leans his face down so it’s parallel to yours. 

“I’m in love with you, too, stupid,” His nose touches yours and you shiver. “Did you really think I would’ve gone to that food truck if it weren’t for you?”

You giggle as if trying to hide the way your heart is doing loops inside of your chest. “The hamburgers really weren’t that good.”

“I knew you were lying.” He smiles, tilting his head to the side. You can feel his breath on your face, his eyes sparkling in the poor lighting of the lamp above your head. When his hands settle on your waist, you feel like you’re about to float into the air. “Can I kiss you?” 

There’s no hesitation when you nod and that’s all the convincing Hyunjin needs. He leans forward to close the space that is dividing you from him and presses his lips to yours softly – carefully, as if not to hurt you. His tongue swipes across your lower lip and you hold onto his shoulders like you’re afraid your knees will give out. The kiss, his hand settling on your cheek to caress the skin, the softness of his lips – it's perfect. All of it.

Until suddenly, the door flies open and you jump away from him like you just burned yourself. 

“What are you guys doing here?” 

Hyunjin’s fingers leave your waist, and it makes you look toward the person that interrupted your moment. You start fixing your clothing awkwardly as you lock eyes with Changbin, whose gaze flicks from you to Hyunjin and back again, before the realization hits him and he audibly gasps, covering his mouth with the palm of his hand. 

“Oh my god,” His dramatic tone makes you roll your eyes, but really, you can feel your whole body heating up. “You’re hooking up and you didn’t tell me?” 

“We’re not ‘hooking up’,” You’re not looking at Hyunjin but you just know he’s scrunching his nose up in distaste. “We’re… figuring things out.”

“Well, maybe you should figure them out somewhere else, because I have class here in three minutes.”

Changbin sounds amused, and you can see from the corner of your eye how Hyunjin glares at him before taking your hand in his and leaving the classroom. You’ve almost arrived at the dorms by the time it hits you that he’s actually holding your hand. Hwang Hyunjin is holding your hand. And not just loosely, like he’s done since you met him when dragging you off somewhere – no, this time, he’s deliberate about it, interlacing his fingers with yours and walking right next to you. 

The warmth you feel settle in your chest isn’t just because of the temperature change that occurs as you walk into his dorm, that’s for sure.

“Minho’s not here?” You ask, looking around. You’ve been here plenty of times as Hyunjin’s friend, but this feels different somehow. It doesn’t exactly help your nervousness that the dorm is empty, except for you and him. 

“Went out with his girlfriend, I think,” Hyunjin lets go of your hand to pull his sweater over his head, probably noticing the change in temperature like you. Maybe it’s stupid, but you can’t help the way your eyes linger a little too long on the stripe of skin that is exposed when he unintentionally drags his shirt up with the sweater, your brain going into overdrive when you see how his muscles flex as he drags it down to cover his stomach again. Unfortunately, it seems that this doesn’t go unnoticed by Hyunjin. “Are you uncomfortable or something? Because if you need time to think this over or something, I’m okay with that.”

“What?” You look up to meet his gaze, feeling your face heat up. “No, I don’t, I was just… Thinking about how I like your kitchen.”

You’re fucking stupid. You could’ve said anything – literally anything – but you chose this? And just like you fear, Hyunjin notices your embarrassment, and you can clearly tell from the look he’s giving you that he’s got you all figured out already. That’s one of the disadvantages of falling in love with your best friend, you suppose. 

“You’ve seen my kitchen, like, a thousand times,” He points out and you send him a glare when he purposefully leans on the counter so his muscles are even more visible. “I don’t think you’ve seen my bedroom, though.”

Your heart jumps up to your throat as his eyes scan your body, lip pulled between his teeth. It’s not like him to be so straightforward, and you can see how his cheeks are turning pink from what he just said. Cute. That makes you feel a little less nervous, though your heart still pounds against your chest when you walk closer to him, grabbing hold of his shirt to press your lips to his. 

His touch is warm when he wraps his arms around you, his mouth moving against yours slowly. He’s taking his time, a sigh escaping past his lips as he parts them, letting your tongues interlace. You’re the one to start walking towards his bedroom, fingers pulling at his hair and he helps you open the door. His hand feels warm on your waist when he pulls away from the kiss to rest his lips against your cheek and sit down on his bed, pulling you along. 

Situating yourself in his lap, you connect your lips to his again, but he doesn’t let you ravish in his taste for too long before he starts pressing kisses against your jaw. It’s not like you mind, but you grind your hips against him in revenge nonetheless, noticing how his grip on your waist tightens and he sucks down on the skin on your neck, making you moan out softly. One of his hands works to unzip your jacket and push it off your shoulders, the other slipping under your shirt and sending shivers down your spine. 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, you know,” His fingers trace your skin slowly and the sound of his voice when he rests his mouth against your shoulder – all raspy and quiet – is enough to have your underwear soaking through faster. If he thinks you want to stop now, he’s insane. 

“I want to,” He looks up at you with hooded eyes, smiling when he lifts your shirt over your head. Then, his hands come up to slide your jeans off and you help him by lifting your legs a little, now sitting down on his bulge with only your panties and his sweats dividing you from feeling all of him. He drags your hips along his experimentally and you whimper quietly, feeling how you’re soaking through your panties and probably onto the fabric of his pants. “I want you, please.” 

His eyes grow a little wider at your words and you help him unclasp your bra, letting it fall to the ground. You whine when his fingers find their way between your legs, rubbing against the fabric of your panties softly. Wriggling in his lap to create friction, you hold onto his shoulders and he gives in quickly, pushing your panties to the side so he can press his palm against your clit and rub it, eliciting a moan from you. 

“You’re so wet,” He mumbles against your shoulder, pressing kisses to it as he starts dragging his fingers through your folds, all while the palm of his hand keeps rubbing against your clit. “And so pretty.” 

Your fingers work to get rid of his shirt, and he helps you by lifting your hands. This makes you whine at the loss of contact between his fingers and your pussy, but he only smiles as he brings it back between your legs, rubbing against your heat agonizingly slowly. You buck your hips into his hand to feel more, but that only causes him to retract it, looking at you disapprovingly. 

“You’re so annoying,” You groan at him, feeling your pussy throb, hungry for his touch. “Can’t you just-”

But you don’t get to finish that sentence as he pushes two of his fingers inside of you, making you gasp loudly and hold onto him tighter. He starts pumping them in and out of you, stretching you out so well and making you squirm in his grip, your breath uneven. You’d expected him to start off slowly, but he doesn’t – he buries himself knuckles deep inside of you and his thumb rubs your clit in a steady rhythm. The kisses he litters all over your collarbones are soft – a contrast to the way he’s fucking you with his fingers that – as you notice upon looking down between your bodies – are glistening with your arousal. 

“Feels good, baby?” He asks, and you clench around his fingers in response, burying your head in the crook of his neck. 

He starts pushing his fingers in and out of you faster, hitting that spot that makes your toes curl and makes you moan his name. It’s getting hard to keep yourself up now as you’re approaching your orgasm, Hyunjin’s hand grabbing at your tits while the other makes you clench around him repeatedly. Your thighs are starting to shake, that familiar feeling of pleasure stirring up in your stomach. The feeling of his hard cock poking into your thigh doesn’t help at all, only serving for your moans to grow louder when he rubs your clit faster, more precisely. 

The sound of your pussy squelching with arousal as he drives them into you fills the room along with the moans you let out into his ear, and you feel his cock growing harder from underneath his sweats. Even though it’s difficult to gather your thoughts enough to think of anything else other than how good he’s making you feel, you manage to bring your hand to palm him through his sweats, which earns you an even quicker pace of his fingers that’s making you see stars. 

“Fuck, do that again,” He moans and you comply, grabbing his dick through his sweats and making his hips buck into your hand. You whimper at that, tightening around his fingers, nails digging into his biceps. “Want to fuck that pretty pussy of yours so bad. You want me to, don’t you?” 

You nod frantically, pushing your hips further down on his fingers and moaning his name with each movement. You’re so close now, clenching around him like crazy, pretty much bouncing on his fingers to feel him deeper. He brings you to the edge quickly, continuing to rub your clit as you cum, soaking his fingers with your slick and moaning in a way that would’ve made you feel embarrassed if it weren’t for how lost in the pleasure you are. 

“Oh my god,” You breathe out when he retracts his fingers, licking them clean of your juices. 

He looks up at you worriedly. “Are you oka-” 

You cut him off by kissing him, opening your mouth, and swallowing his moans when you palm him through his sweats again. He slips his tongue inside your mouth, and groans when he gets a taste of your cherry chapstick – he wants to bottle up that sensation and replay it every night. Your hands move to slide his pants down, and you grind down on his dick, now only divided from you with his thin boxers. 

“I want you, please, Hyunjin,” You’re way past getting embarrassed, begging him without even batting an eyelash. “Want your cock.” 

His worried gaze turns lewd, and he helps you pull his boxers down, letting his cock spring free. The sight is mouthwatering, and you know he notices you staring from the way his lips quirk upward in a soft smile, reminding you exactly why you’re in love with this man. He pulls you into his lap again, so close that your tits are pressed against his chest and his cock rests against your clit. You whine when he drags it through your folds, soaking it in your juices but not really creating any friction. 

“You’re so impatient,” He coos, positioning himself at your entrance and pushing just the tip in, causing you to clench around nothing. “You want my cock, princess? Want me to fuck you stupid?”

“Mhmm, please.” 

Hyunjin smiles, grip tightening on your hips as he pushes you down on his cock, a moan leaving your mouth when he enters you fully. It’s painful only for a few seconds – then, feel the throb in your pussy grow again and so you start moving up and down slowly, moaning softly each time you sink down on his cock. He’s biting his lip, watching your movements, and letting his hands come up to play with your tits. 

You push your chest out into his hands, bouncing up and down on his cock and feeling your walls suck him in tightly like you don’t want him to ever pull out. And you don’t. It feels so good to have him inside of you – you can feel every bit of his dick clearly and he looks really hot, with his eyes half-closed and a sheepish smile on his features, tongue darting out to wet his lips. 

“You look so pretty fucking yourself on my cock,” How he manages to look so angelic while saying that, brushing your hair away from your face, and at the same time making you clench around him frantically, you don’t know. “Wish I’d fucked you sooner, princess.” 

His words make you whimper, and you feel your thighs burn from the way you’re bouncing on his cock already. You hold onto him, but it doesn’t stop your legs from shaking and you whine, annoyed. 

Hyunjin’s hands move to your hips when he sees you struggling, and you whimper a little when he lifts them with ease before pushing you down on his cock again. It’s a whole different sensation when he does it. He’s fucking you much harder now, driving into you from a deeper angle that makes you see stars, legs giving out completely, and letting him do all the work. Hyunjin doesn’t seem to mind that, though, small groans leaving his lips as he helps you ride him.

“You’re so fucking pretty, baby,” He whispers and presses a kiss to your jaw, not slowing down in the slightest. “My pretty girl.” 

You’re feeling a little dizzy from both the praise and the way he’s hitting all the right spots, fingers probably leaving marks on your skin from how he’s holding onto you, ravishing in the way you whimper his name with each roll of his hips. You can feel the knot in your stomach tighten yet again, and there’s no way you’re going to last much longer with the way he’s splitting you open on his cock. 

“Fuck, Hyunjin, I-” The words die down in your throat as he keeps rutting into you, your eyes rolling to the back of your head when his dick hits the spot that makes you curl your toes in pleasure repeatedly. “I’m gonna cum.”

“Me too.” 

He groans and captures your lips in a kiss as his cock twitches inside of you, the feeling pushing you over the edge and making you clench and unclench around him repeatedly when you cum. He follows not long after, shooting his cum into you and moaning softly at the sensation of your walls sucking him in. You whine when he pulls out, but the sound is soon replaced by a hum of appreciation when he lies down on the bed and pulls you down so your head lies on his chest and he can wrap his arms around you. 

“I love you so much,” He says, burying his face in your hair. 

You smile. “I love you, too.”

And as you’re left regaining your breath in each other’s arms, Hyunjin still feels the faint taste of your cherry chapstick on his tongue. He wouldn’t have it any other way. 

– 

You never thought facing your friends after everything that happened would be easy, but it’s safe to say you weren’t expecting to hear party horns go off the moment you entered the cafe at which you decided to meet. 

“Congrats on bagging your best friend, Y/N!”

“Are you out of your mind? Be quiet,” You really want to kick Changbin as he shouts that as loud as he can, but you settle on sending an apologetic smile to the people sitting by tables around you and glaring at him instead. Looking to your left, you meet Hyunjin’s gaze, but he doesn’t seem as if he’s about to run away, so you decide that Changbin hasn’t lost his title as your friend just yet. You’re really thankful for the way Hyunjin squeezes your hand reassuringly, winking in your direction – even if it doesn’t exactly help calm your heart down. 

“If I were you, I wouldn’t care that much,” Minho comments as the two of you get seated. “Changbin’s pretty much spilled it to everyone, anyway.”

“What?” 

“Not everyone,” Changbin protests immediately. “Just a few trusted individuals.”

“A few hundred, you mean,” Minho snickers. “Either way-”

“Stop lying, I literally only told those girls from NCTU-”

“Either way, we just want to say we’re happy for you. Even if this means I’ll have to witness you kiss,” Minho shudders playfully and you can’t help but smile. “You look happy together, and that’s enough for me.”

“Just please don’t break up before spring break,” Changbin adds. “It will make the camping trip so awkward.”

You smile at them, feeling as if a big weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. They’re happy for you. You feel Hyunjin squeeze your hand, and you whip your head around to look into his eyes that sparkle with adoration. 

“Don’t worry, I don’t have any plans of letting Y/N get rid of me that easily.” 

Butterflies swarm in your stomach, just like they always do when he says something this cheesy and sweet at the same time. You suppose you’ll feel this way for another seven years. And then seven years more. You smile, and he smiles too. He leans down to press a kiss to your lips and you can’t help the way you feel like the happiest girl in the world when your lips move together. 

“You guys are so gross.” 

Hyunjin laughs as he pulls away, and so do you. Moments like these make it worth waiting seven years to have him.

[hamburgerhelpersotherhand]

Infatuation Rewritten - Chapter 1

Joe Goldberg x Reader (ft. Love Quinn)

Previous | Masterlist | Next

Summary: Love's longtime friend moves back to LA. Fortunately, Joe (Will) never had too much trouble adapting (Season 2).

Warnings: Alcohol consumption (we're all adults here), Joe actually loses his mind a little at the end.

Now for something nobody expected! The long-awaited rewrite for Infatuation... I have 40 pages of this, by the way. I'd like for *some* of them to see the light of day... and so I've told myself: If I wait for it to be perfect, It'll never be posted. I hope you all enjoy, and feel free to share your thoughts! xoxo Ona

My eyes roamed the list of names by the front door of the apartment complex. There were about four total, so finding yours was the easiest part. The hardest step came in the form of mustering up the courage to press the buzzer. But, was it really a trouble with courage? The more I thought, as my finger hovered over the button, the more I began to consider it to be uncertainty.

I pause and reach my other hand into my pocket. My fingers slide across the screen of your phone, and I remind myself why I'm here. Simply put, I’m here to give you your phone back. I found it on the passenger’s seat of my car and almost thought to tell Love… Instantly, a part of me knew she would’ve pried it from my grip to give to you herself – and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity for us to speak again, this time unmonitored by her perceptive gaze and sharp ears… and without the alcohol in your system.

Last night, you clung to Love as she touched you tenderly, playing the role of your dutiful sober saviour. She hosted a dinner and she invited her friends. One of them was you.

“A good friend,” She had called you. The last she’d spoken to you was ten years ago, and I guess I hadn’t realized good friends stay out of reach for a decade at a time. It didn’t matter how much time had split you two apart, though, because Love embraced you with a warm smile and open arms. There wasn’t any malice, no judgement either. She was just happy to have you back in her life. When you got too drunk to take public transportation, Love tried to coax you into staying the night. You wouldn’t budge, even with a slipping tongue, fluttering eyes, and a head too heavy to stay upright. So she compromised: you let her coddle you, sober you up just enough, and I drove you home. It wasn’t even that late, Love just couldn't stop pouring you wine after wine after wine. You seemed like you needed it, though. Tense as you were. Pent up little thing.

“What’s your relationship like with Love?” I asked, feeling rather bold with your inebriated self. The image of her hand resting on your thigh flashed in my mind. I laughed. “She hadn’t mentioned you until you’d moved back to LA. She practically can't shut up about you now.”

You shifted in your seat like a child. No position in my car seemed comfortable for you, and you had made it more than obvious.

“She’s a good friend.” You responded and looked out the window like it meant something. Love had said the same thing — I believed you both — but I felt as though you were withholding something else from the conversation. The annoying bell on your purse jingles as you tuck it closer to your side.

“You two seem close. Should I be concerned?” I then asked teasingly, laughing to fill the awkward tension of a silent car ride. I wanted to spark something in you, but you brushed it off as you curled your arms around your waist.

“I think I had too much to drink…” I glanced at you, and I was suddenly nervous. Your coat was askew, hanging off your shoulders. I knew you were drunk, but your direct announcement sounded to me as a warning.

“Tell me if you need to throw up, okay?” You slowly nodded before slotting your forehead against the cool car window. We remained like that until you got home, choosing to stumble your way for a block to feel a semblance of privacy – but I watched you walk up those steps. I knew your building, and you were still too fucked up to realize.

I pull your phone out of my pocket and look it over one more time. My thumb runs over the plastic case before turning it around and looking at myself in the black reflection.

Your phone is dead. Has been since I found it. None of my chargers fit into the port, unsurprisingly. It’s one of those phones where the keyboard slides out, for Pete's sake. Your phone is more than a few generations old. A brick. I chewed my fingers raw trying anything I could to get it started again – I wanted to pry, really. I’ll be honest with you here, I really wanted this glimpse into your personal affairs.

I wondered, exasperatedly, about what you were hiding behind this screen. Clutching it tighter into my palm, I lift my free hand and press the buzzer.

A few long moments after the sound, I hear a click.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Y/N. It’s Will –” I begin to say, ready to explain myself in the same manner I had rehearsed at home, eating breakfast, in the car, and on my way up the steps. However, you cut me off immediately.

“Do you have my phone?”

My heart skips a beat and I’m momentarily stunned. I blink a few times before speaking.

“Yeah, actually.” I replied. “I found it on the passenger seat this morning, I guess I didn't see it when I got home last night.”

“I’m going to buzz you in.” Perfect.

After hearing the buzzer, the door clicked. I made my way inside. The stairs were wooden and creaky, the walls showing obvious water damage, and the lights hummed obnoxiously. Obviously, none of this was of your doing. Your landlord just didn’t care.

Your door’s paint was chipping off, revealing the cracked wooden layer underneath, but the rusted numbers on your door somehow looked worse. I knocked.

I heard the shuffling of your feet from behind the door before it opened. When your head peeked out, you gave me a smile and extended your hand.

I momentarily look at it, thinking… Right. I drop your phone into your awaiting palm. I almost thought you wanted me to reach out as well. That would’ve been too good, right?

“May I use your bathroom?” I ask.

Your mouth opens momentarily, as you look away and off to the side. There’s nothing there, you’re simply thinking it through and disappearing into your head again.

“Sure.” You then reply, reluctantly scooting back and giving me my first glimpse into your apartment.

If only you knew how ecstatic I was to slip through the crack of your front door. My heart thumps excitedly, as I waste no time looking around. By the door sits a coat hanger with a few pairs of shoes around its feet.

“Should I take off my boots?” I ask.

“Yeah, actually. I’d appreciate it.”

I untie the laces and slip them off my feet. Then, just as I drop them by the coat hanger, you beckon me to follow.

Your apartment is a fair size, with one large space making up both the kitchen and the living room. Right of the front door, a short hallway leads us to a room. As you continue past the door, I slow myself and look to my left. Your hallway has a little louvred closet, and I can’t help but reach out and open it. There’s nothing exciting inside, only white bed sheets.

“The bathroom is over here.” I suddenly hear you say from within the bedroom. I close the closet and hurry along, hesitantly making my way into your room.

I examine the layout of your furniture: your bed is made, your dresser tucked away in the corner, your desk by the window, and your small bookcase right by its side. I take another look toward your window: It overlooks the front of the building, I think. I want to look around more, but I’ve already entered an uncomfortable silence through this simple observation… you’re bound to find it weird. Hell, you’re already finding it weird – my being here – if your reluctance to me using your bathroom is anything to go by.

“Thanks.” I tell you, nodding in your direction and scooting by to enter the bathroom. I peer over my shoulder, however, and take another peek into your bedroom before shutting the door.

In the bathroom, I made my way to the toilet and listened to your shuffling from the other side of the door. I lifted the seat without paying much attention, and stilled when I heard you leave the bedroom entirely. I didn’t really need to go to the bathroom, but I wasn’t lying when I said I needed to use it.

I waited a moment, lowered the toilet seat again, and didn’t bother flushing or washing my hands. The sound could set you off that I was finished, and I definitely wasn’t finished. I needed the opportunity to snoop just a tad bit more. I unlocked and creaked the bathroom door open, observing the quiet room with more attention than I had before.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I leave the door open. My head snaps in the direction of your bedroom door and I pleasantly find it shut from the rest of your apartment. You’re making this too easy. I make my way around quietly, being careful with my steps as I approach your nightstand with a familiar object glinting in the natural sunlight of the room: your phone, on its charger. When I press the button on its side, the logo appears as it powers on.

I take the time needed for the phone to boot up as an excuse to look about your room. The bookcase, which I had only glanced at before, takes shape infront of me. My hand drifts along the spines of the books… and I feel unsatisfied. You have a small selection of kitschy modern romance novels. My judging eyes shift to your dresser, the framed pictures sitting on top catching my attention. I don't recognize anyone, but a weird feeling washes over me. You’re not in any of these pictures. I feel a… disconnection… from the room. My eyes move elsewhere and I catch sight of a few unopened cardboard boxes against the wall near the bedroom door. They’re folded. Unused. I wonder briefly as I look back down to your phone. It’s open.

Unlocking it was easy, no password. You know, the good thing about an older cellphone model is how easy it is to just… get in. I flip your phone over and pop the back right off. I slide the chip out of my pocket and right into place. Once everything is back in its place, I unlock your phone and fully install the hardware. As much as I would like to start snooping about your phone now, I close it and set it back down on your nightstand. I make my way back into the bathroom, pulling my phone out all the while. I open the freshly installed app and bite at my lip as I see the device sync up. Done.

I flush the toilet, wash my hands, and make my way out of the bedroom. When I step back into your living room kitchen, you’re seated at the short island, your back to the small living room.

“Thanks for letting me use your bathroom,” I say, making my way back to the front door. You swivel the chair as I walk by and watch me duck for my boots.

“Thanks for bringing me my phone. I was almost going to head out to Anavrin–”

“Oh, I don’t work Saturdays. You would’ve missed me entirely.” I say all matter-of-factly, like an asshole. You shrink.

“Noted.”

As I loop the laces around, I look up at you. Your brows knit together and you avert your eyes from me. I watch you for another moment, smiling to myself. You’re nervous.

“What’re all the boxes for?” I ask, looking around the apartment. They’re a little sprawled out everywhere, but most of them are still folded up. I chew my cheek as I wonder – are you packing up to leave already? You just got here not even a week ago. Is that what’s gotten you so nervous? Cause I caught you? I bite my tongue and choose to rephrase my thoughts. “Still unpacking?”

“No, It’s… complicated.” You respond.

I nod my head and stand. Your eyes fleet to me for a second before drawing away. Is it me, Y/N? Am I making you nervous?

“Thank you again, for my phone.” You mumble, drifting off somewhere. I smile wide, and huff. You’re not a threat. A pest, likely. But not a threat.

“Yeah, no problem.”

I’m out the door not a moment later, spinning my keys while on the way to my car.

—

Back at my apartment, I notice the door’s unlocked.

I'm cautious as I walk through the threshold, peering ahead only to notice Love behind the counter.

“Love, I didn’t expect you to break into my apartment.” I tease, taking off my boots and shedding my jacket.

“I thought you’d be home,” she whines. “Besides, it’s not breaking in when you’ve got a key.”

I make my way into the kitchen, to her side, and slip my hands around her waist. She turns her head to look at me, a big smile on her face.

“Where were you?” She mumbles, still looking down at the counter.

“I went over to Y/N’s apartment,” I began, rolling the hem of her shirt between my fingers. “She forgot her phone in my car last night.” I kiss her shoulder.

“Mmh,” Love hums. “That was nice of you.”

I look over her shoulder, noticing the restaurant brochures infront of her.

“What were you doing here?”

“Looking for something to order. I don’t really want to cook again tonight.”

I lift my hands off her hips, placing them on either side of the counter. I press forward, and slide one of the menus into view.

“This one seems good.” I whisper, inconsiderate of what I’m pointing to. I’ve got one thing on my mind right now, and it isn’t the brochures.

Catching onto my carelessness, Love turns around and faces me. She tilts her head and observes my face for a moment before sliding her arms around my neck.

“How did it go?” Love suddenly inquires about us again.

“It went well,” I tell her, keeping it short. Still, she pries.

“Tell me more,”

“Well, she showed me to her bathroom,” I look around, as though I was recalling the few minutes I stood in your apartment. I’ll keep the snooping to myself. “Aaand, that’s about it.”

Love thins her lip. She’s pensive for a moment. She thinks, and I watch her grapple with her thoughts as she looks about the kitchen. She clears her throat before speaking.

“Will,” She starts, her hand taps my chest and I watch it circle around. “I wouldn’t be asking you this if it wasn’t important, but… can you do me a huge favour?”

My hands find Love’s face, cupping her cheeks, and pressing her forehead to mine. My eyes search hers, and I pout.

“Anything for you,” I tell her. Anything.

“Forty has this thing tomorrow… I didn’t think ahead, and my plans are jumbled. But, this is really important.”

For a second, my stomach drops. I try not to let the horror show on my face as I’m convinced she’s about to glue me to Forty’s side for a day. But she continues.

“Y/N needs help clearing the apartment,” My eyes narrow, and I nod as I continue to listen. “You see… Will. It isn’t really my place to say this, but I thought you should know her mom passed away a few months ago. She’s been trying to sort through the estate, and they finally gave her the green light to clear out her old apartment. I can’t be there to help.”

Love’s hands slide over mine, cupping my fingers as I cup her cheeks.

“Are you free sometime tomorrow? Would you be able to help her out?”

With this revelation, the framed pictures sitting on the dresser make sense.

“I mean… yeah. I can do that.”

Love lights up at my response, hopping up for an intimate kiss. My hands fall to her ass, but she pulls away too soon. Always too soon.

“Thank you, Will,” She grins, tapping my chest again. “I’ll let her know.”

As Love pulls out her phone, I watch her tap away at the screen.

“You know, that entire complex looks unlivable. The place might have a rodent problem, too.” I say as she hits send.

“I know! I told her she could stay with me,” Love leans her head against my chest with a frustrated huff, slipping her phone onto the counter.

“You both already spend so many afternoons together,” I begin, sliding her head up to look at me. My fingers brush her cheek, and my next words come out hushed. “If she was around any more, I’d never have you to myself.”

Her eyes flutter as my hands brush baby hairs out of her face. I hum, and lean in for another kiss.

“Will,” she starts, pressing her palm into my chest. She pushes me back, and I let her. “I’m not in the mood right now. Is that alright?”

I purse my lips… a little agitated, but I understand. I’m in the mood, but I understand. She doesn’t want to have sex, she wants to talk about you.

“Of course, Love,” I kiss her cheek. “Some other time.”

With a smile, she returns her attention to those stupid brochures. I agree to whatever she wants, whatever she’s in the mood for. I always do.

Once dinner’s sorted, we pair it with a movie on my tv. We cuddle, and it’s nice. During an intimate scene, a quiet one with rustling bedsheets, Love decides to speak.

“I’m glad you’re getting along well with Y/N.” She says with a hum, rubbing her face into my chest. I grunt when her hand squeezes my knee. “She appreciates it too, I know it. She doesn’t know many people in the city anymore.”

I tear my eyes away from the sex on tv to look Love in the eyes.

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I have that thing with Forty. Someone seems a little forgetful tonight” I laugh and apologize, scolding myself. Of course… Tomorrow. I did forget. She turns her attention back to the movie. When I reluctantly return my own attention to the screen, I can’t help but scrutinise everything I see. Love seems pleased, watching the protagonist and her girlfriend lounge after what felt like the most drawn-out fucking I’d ever witnessed on tv. She’s probably thinking to herself: what a nice couple, happy, in love, and all tuckered out. But I feel differently. I see something I’m missing. We could be them, Love and I. But, instead of being wrapped in each other with more to do than to SAY, I think about the brick phone, I think about the lunch dates, I think about the selfishness of only reaching out when things became convenient, and I think about YOU. I think about the rust on your door, think about your dead mom, I think about how Love wants me to help you pack her things – like I’m some tool to be borrowed and Love’s the kind neighbour willing to lend – and I think about how Love touches you and I can’t help but wish I could crawl into your skin and rip you up from the inside.

The bell on your bag rings in my ears, jingling as you tap it over, and over again. Should I feel threatened by you? Because I do, even when everything about you proves to me you’re no threat at all. You’re meek, small, pathetic. Despite it all, you’ve stepped into my yard, trampled the very bushes I’ve trimmed and watered to perfection, and made yourself cozy against the love of my life. And, like a call to battle, the bell stirs something in me.

But you’re innocent, I cry in my head. You’re not Peach. You’re no evil mastermind, and stepping into someone else’s yard doesn’t mean much when you’re a helpless rabbit. Your mom is dead, you’re grieving. I think about you, in my car, curled in on yourself, skin exposed. Scared. I grit my teeth at the thought.

When Love departs, just after the movie ends, I spend some time catching up on your messages. That’s all I can really do, actually. With such an old model, your system doesn’t allow access to anything, anywhere, anytime. Just the text messages. I scroll to find your mention of me dropping by earlier.

‘Left my phone in Will’s car. He dropped it off.’

‘He’s the best <3’ Love responded.

About twenty minutes after that, Love let you know I’m replacing her tomorrow.

‘We can reschedule.’ You tried, but Love tells you the plans are already made. You can’t run from this. Neither can I.

I recline on my couch, huffing as I read as far as your messages go. I couldn’t get the older logs but anything you send from here on out, I have access to. When the late hours of the night finally catch up to me, I look out my window at the flickering street lights, and I head to bed.

[leeknowlover99]

Jake drabble - Prove it then

masterlist

word count: 2,2k

friends to lovers if you squint

warnings: smut, blowjob, drinking, smoking, swearing, dirty talk

„fuck” you yelled angrily propping yourself up on your knees and trying to catch a breath. yellow bus just drove away 5 minutes earlier than it was scheduled. „motherfucker!!!” you yelled and kicked nearest object you found - trash can filled to the brim with empty cans and bottles became your victim. few bottles fell out of it and rolled on the pavement with loud clinking. it was the last bus that could take you to the small town where you were renting your apartment. dang, only if your tinder date did not try to kiss you maybe you’d make it. the guy was tragic, he kept talking about himself all evening, split the bill and awkwardly tried to kiss you after all that. and now you were stuck in the city. first morning bus was leaving at 5 am so you still had few hours to pass around. you were already feeling a bit sleepy, probably after all that boring stories your date told you. your feet were starting to hurt a bit as you made a stupid mistake of wearing platform heels today, trying to impress this idiot guy. god, what was happening with you?? your life was a mess lately. but now all you knew was you have to find a place to crash somewhere till 5 am. think Y/N, think you told yourself. you could go to a club or a bar, it was saturday night so most places would be open and busy but you weren’t in the mood. normally you would crash at your best friends flat but her parents were visiting her this weekend so it was a no go. it looked like you only had one option left, you opened chat with Jake and typed:

hi

are you in town? i need a place to crash, missed the last bus :((

three dots appeared immediately. thank god he was awake, you just hoped he was not at some party as it was his usual weekend routine. text appeared:

hello

you can come over if you want ;)

typical Jake, always flirty for no reason. you rolled your eyes and texted him back.

omw then, thanks

your relation with Jake was undefined, you weren’t close enough to be called friends but you knew each other quite well. you used to hang out more often but sometimes things got weird between you. tension was always there but you don’t think there was more and neither of you wanted to make a move. sometimes you wondered what it would be like. to kiss his pretty lips, feel his hot body pressing against you or wake up next to him and cuddle all day. but usually you quickly dismissed these images from your head. however they kept coming back as you made your way to his place. fortunately he lived only two crossing from the bus stop so you arrived quickly before your mind drifted to far.

you knocked on his doors impatiently, you got a bit cold on the way and could not wait to warm up. he opened and leaned against the doorframe lazily. he was wearing home attire - loose grey sweats and tank top, his muscular arms peeking from tight material. he must’ve just taken the shower as his hair was dump and slicked back. damn he was hot. you realised you were staring but when you snapped back to reality you noticed he was staring too. after all, you did make an effort to look good today, did your make up and wore your favourite black dress. he whistled looking you up and down.

“will you let me in ?” you huffed.

“sorry, was wondering why are you here when it looks like you clearly had other plans for the night” he smirked and let you in.

“please don’t make me more miserable than i already am” you sighed.

Jake invited you to his room and you immediately made your way to his bed. finally your feet could rest, you rolled your toes feeling relief after spending all evening in those platforms. Jake followed you to his room after a minute carrying two beers from the kitchen.

“hey, outside clothes are not allowed on the bed” he grabbed your hand to lift you up.

you looked at him annoyed. he was not making it easy for you today.

“if you want me to strip so bad just ask” you teased getting up.

he raised his eyebrow in response.

“cocky are you? you must’ve really have a bad evening. want a smoke?” he fished out a pack of marlboros from his pocket.

“why not”

you grabbed a fluffy blanket and sat on the garden chair slowly sipping beer and smoking. Jake lived on 4th floor so view from the balcony was quite nice. you enjoyed watching the small crescent moon and few stars that were visible above you.

“i thought you quit” he said pulling you out of your thoughts. at first you didn’t get that he was referring to smoking and you frowned at him. he gestured to your hand, cigarette resting between your fingers.

“oh, yeah i did. guess you’re the bad influence” you joked.

“i don’t think it is me sweetheart.” there he was with the flirty nicknames. but he was right, it was not him. it was you who was lost and continued to make one bad decision after another.

“yeah, i just have a tough time lately” you said not looking at him. “can i have another one?” you said putting out your current cigarette.

“lucky for you, it was the last one” he winked at you showing you empty package. “so did your date went bad or what?” he asked.

“yeah. he was a jerk. like all of the guys apparently” you rolled your eyes.

“can i share my opinion?” he stood up in front of you.

“if you have to.”

“i think it’s because you’re always choosing assholes while there are much better guys out there.” he said confidently looking at you.

“oh really? guys like who? you?” you stood up and met his gaze. he was being annoyingly cocky.

“maybe” he licked his lips. he was the opposite of a good guy actually. but he was the tempting one.

you grabbed him by the collar of his tank top and yanked towards you. your faces were centimeters away now. you were so close you felt his breath quickened. after looking into his dark eyes you flicked your eyes towards his lips and back up.

“don’t start something you can’t finish Y/N” he warned, you were still holding his tank top.

“who sad I cannot finish it?” you asked tilting your head slightly and after that you let go of him and turned around to go back inside.

“i’m going to take a shower now”. you were taking a step into the bedroom when Jake grabbed your forearm and forced you to turn around, you bumped into him slightly and your heart started beating faster as you saw his dark eyes piercing you.

“prove it then. prove what you just said” his voice was quiet but cold and demanding, sending shivers down your spine. blanket was long gone from your shoulders pooling on the floor and cold air was brushing against your exposed body but your skin was burning. thousands thoughts rolled through your head trying to decide whether to take this step or not. blame it on the alcohol or the haze from smoking after such a long time but there was only one winning voice and it told you do it.

you crashed your lips against his with a force. he seemed shocked for good few seconds as he was not kissing you back. just when you were about to pull out you felt his hot fingers grab your neck and his lips roughly moved against yours. there was nothing gentle or pure about the way you were making out. tongues dancing together, jake biting your lower lip from time to time. one of your hands was grabbing and pulling on his hair while other was holding his biceps, god his body was amazing, hot and hard under you fingers, your hand feeling small next to his arm. jake was not wasting time either, he acted like man starved, exploring your waist and grabbing your ass, soon his fingers started to wonder under your skimpy dress as he pressed you against the balcony railing, you felt his hard on against your stomach and it made you weak in your knees, good thing he was holding you tight. his fingers teased your inner thighs and slowly moved towards your panties.

“fuck, you’re so wet” he hissed against your lips when he made contact with your clothed core, his fingers feeling your entrance through the thin material. you could not hold a quite moan and burried your face in jake’s neck as his started playing with your clit. you nipped at his skin lightly. he started to move your panties to the side, you grabbed his hand and looked at him wide eyes, damn he looked hot, lips plump from all the kissing, pupils dilated and breath fast. “jake, not outside” you managed to say. he grinned smugly in response.

“oh yeah? why not? are you embarrassed someone is going to see?” he asked grabbing your neck and choking you slightly.

you decided to pull a move to distract him and leaned to whisper in his ear “want your cock so bad daddy” he stiffened and raised his eyebrow at you. “fucking get inside now” he gritted through his teeth. looks like you little stunt did work perfectly.

you stumbled towards the bed together and messily landed on the soft mattress. you climbed on jakes lap and nagged at him to take off his tank top. it revealed mouthwatering sight of his abs and v line disappearing where waistband of his sweats hang low. you pressed open mouth kisses and sucked on his neck as you moved slowly down his body. he threw his head back and groaned. “baby hurry, i want to feel you” he panted after a while of your teasing. you finally got him what he needed and palmed his hard dick, it was painfully big in your hand. “impatient are we?” you tsked at him. “for you always”. you took off his sweats and boxers and kneeled to kiss the red swollen tip of his dick. it looked delicious and tasted a little salty. you gave it a good suck before starting to move your head up and down. “fuck baby you’re so good” he grunted as you sped up, drool starting to drip down your chin and eyes watering. he made a ponytail of you hair and helped you move faster and take him deeper. few more moves and he yanked you off his cock. “i’m gonna cum if you don’t stop” he explained and moved on top of you “god this dress needs to go” he undressed you and you could see his gaze became even darker when he saw you fully naked underneath him. “god you have no idea how hard i wanted this” he whispered sucking on your hard nipples and fondling with your breast. he surprised you with that statement but you did not have time to think about it as you felt yourself become even wetter and your cunt clenching around nothing. “ jake need more please” you begged. he shout you up with a kiss. his dick grinding against your wet core made you gasped in his lips. “will you take it without a prep?” he asked sucking on your neck and putting light pressure on your entrance with his tip. he was making you crazy. your whole body was on fire, you were leaning towards his touch, craving it. “please” you moaned. “good girl” he praised and thrusted in you. it was quite a stretch because he was so big but you liked the burn and after few shallow thrusts it went away and pleasure replaced it. he was deliciously thick and warm. you nagged at him to move faster and he stopped holding back, thrusting roughly and picking up a pace. he was hitting your soft spot perfectly, you orgasm was building up. “god you’re so perfect” jake was completely lost muttering praises, his face burried in your neck. “jake i’m close” you said and lifted your legs to place them on his shoulders, new angle making him go deeper and your pussy clench harder. “you’re so hot, i’m gonna cum soon too” he said as his eyes followed your moving tits. you reached your hand down to circle your clit and moaned at how sensitive you were. it felt too good, jakes hot sweaty body on you, his thick cock massaging your wet walls, your orgasm came suddenly and made you whine loudly, pleasure rolling through your body, you arched your back slowly coming down from your high. jake was still thrusting roughly. “ can i come inside?” he asked kissing you messily as you lowered your legs to cross them around his waist. “yes i’m on a pill, please come inside jake” you coaxed him and seconds later he filled you with his cum. he kissed you passionately, soft lips moving together, tongues lazily meeting, his dick was still inside. “god that was amazing” he smiled at you. “so did i prove it to you?” you teased. “i might need a seconded try” he made a thinking face and you smacked his arm laughing. “care to join me in the shower?” you asked

[zeldasnotes]

hi zelda! I feel like everywhere I go people disrespect me or are annoyed by me. Its like they dont take me seriously? I have a lot of planets in the 3rd house but I dont talk that much. How do I make people ”respect” me? how i make people look up to me?

Im so sorry. Some people are just rude, they have no right to act this way. I have a friend with a stellium in the 3rd and she sounds a little too nice sometimes and this makes sick people see her as someone to be mean to. The problem is them not you but im going to give you some advice that can make you come across as more respectable ↓

RESPECT ADVICE 🪄

Dont apologize too much when you talk. This is something you might not be aware of but a lot of people say ”sorry” a lot and This can make you come across as insecure and like you are beneath others. (ofc you should say sorry if you do something bad). BUT when you are sorry instead of saying ”omg soooorrryyy I was late! Omg im horrible” Say ”Thank you for waiting for me guys, the bus was late.”

Dont make too many jokes about yourself. Ofc you shouldnt take yourself TOO seriously. But the risk is that if you dont take yourself seriously AT ALL, other people wont either. Dont say stuff like ”Haha Im so stupid, how did I not know that.” Instead say ”Oh really! I didnt know that, now I do, Thank you!” because trust me, people listen to what you say.

If someone is staring you down. Stare back completely quiet. Dont try to break the ice, because trust me. This is a tactic that manipulators often use to see if you will try to break the ice or if you will do the same back. Its a tactic they might not even be aware of themselves. How you handle their stare tells them a lot about how you handle disrespect.

Dont call yourself too many nasty words. Im guily of this myself tho so im not one to speak. Dont call yourself a bitch because you forgot to do something that you said you would do.

How you walk says a lot. If you are walking into the gym for example. Just walk straightly to the locker room. You dont need to look around nervously to see if people are staring at you or not.

Wear clothes that make YOU feel comfortable. Trust me your whole behaviour changes when you wear clothes you actually feel good in. If you only like black clothes, then only wear black clothes. And if someone says ”You should wear more colors” dont say ”Omg I knooooow I shouuuulldd” No, instead you say ”You think so? I feel good in black actually, but YOU look good in your colors”.

Look people in the eye when they talk to you. Dont stare at them in a creepy way tho.

If you dont like a joke dont fake laugh. Say ”What do you mean by that?” Or say ”Thats just uncalled for and distasteful”

Dont fake laugh because you are nervous. It makes you look super nervous and insecure. I did this all the time before. Say something in a straighforward way you dont need to giggle or say ”or i dont know hihi” or ”i sound so crazy right now”.

If someone tells you you look nice dont say ”No I dont” or ”Nooo you look much better” Instead say ”Thank you so much, you look good too!”

If you disagree with something dont say ”I dont knowwwe hehe” say ”I dont agree with you”.

And remember, you are not supposed to make them like you. You are supposed to wonder if YOU like them. Dont walk into a room with the goal of making people like you. They are gonna have to suck up to you! If you grew up in an abusive home all of this will be hard, but try my advice for a month and see the difference 💕

[nickfowlerrr]

trust me - chapter two

series masterlist

pairing: stucky x curvy!reader (dark!steve/soft!dark steve and bucky/soft!dark bucky)

warnings: not really any for this chapter but this series is dark so again, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat. some mentions of paranoia, anxiety, and a previous attack reader experienced. +18 ONLY. (if i’m missing something important pls let me know!)

words: 1.5k

notes: a whole year later, here’s chapter two. i’m so unsure i’ll ever finish this series but i figured, might as well share what i have. this isn’t edited so sorry for any errors!

You slept through dinner time, thoroughly worn out thanks to Bucky who was sleeping right alongside you on the couch, both of you naked as could be. You only woke up when you were suddenly jolted by something, someone.

Steve had arrived at the cabin, unsurprised to find you and Bucky still laying on the couch. He admired your form as you were pressed into Bucky, his arms wrapped around you, unintentionally protecting your decency. A lick of jealousy hit him once again. He scowled at his friend and kicked the back of the couch. Hard.

You startled against Bucky with a gasp as the force of Steve’s kick shoved the couch and would’ve had you rolling off of it if not for Bucky tightening his hold on you instinctively. Looking up, you were met with the dark, piercing blue eyes of Steve. You yelped in surprise, pulling Bucky’s body on top of yours completely to hide beneath him. He sleepily obliged, raising up on a forearm so as not to smoosh you. He turned to face Steve, looking annoyed himself. Steve was supposed to give him a heads up when he landed. He knew you were on even more of a hair trigger lately, not to mention how much you cared for your privacy, and how you were about anyone seeing you in any kind of state you considered vulnerable. It took months before you finally felt close enough with Bucky to show him any kind of vulnerability and he took that seriously. He knew Steve was getting impatient but the last thing he wanted to do was rush you. And he never would have let Steve just walk in on you naked like this. It was bad enough he went ahead with this rushed plan of his before even talking to Bucky about it, sending you out here on your own and only then telling him about it, and now he’s already made you uncomfortable within mere minutes of getting here.

“What happened to calling?” Bucky gruffed.

“I did. You didn’t answer,” he responded. “Either of you.” Steve’s eyes cut to you again as he spoke sharply.

“Alright, well, you wanna give us a minute to get dressed, pal?” Bucky said, just as harsh.

Steve rolled his eyes before he began to walk back out of the room. “Hurry up,” he barked as you watched his retreat.

“Okay, something is seriously up,” you spoke quietly as Bucky let you up off the couch to redress. “He’s obviously pissed off about something..”

“Don’t stress on it, doll,” he told you as he slipped his shirt back on. “Probably just had a rough flight or something.”

You roll your eyes as you finish putting your clothes back on and then wait.

Bucky leaves you for just a minute to go get Steve so you can all finally get on the same page.

You were fixing the couch when they came into the room.

You pick your head up and meet Steve’s eye instantly before looking over to Bucky and sitting down.

“So, you gonna tell us what the hell is going on now?” you say, sharper than you intended.

The tick of Steve’s jaw alone is telling as your stomach twists.

“The mission’s been compromised.”

You wait for him to continue, but he doesn’t.

“…That’s all you’re gonna say?” you question.

“That’s all I can say.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Bab-” Bucky tries to interject.

“No,” you say standing up in exasperated defiance, shooting your eyes to him before looking back to Steve. “What the fuck is going on here, Steve? Really.”

Bucky crosses his arms and looks to Steve for his answer.

“Look, there’s a lot I can’t tell you right now,” he says, suspiciously sending an annoyed look to Bucky as he does. “But believe me, you’ll know everything soon enough. The three of us are gonna be here for a while, though. There’s nothing we can or have to do right now, so let’s just enjoy the down time while we have it. I promise you I have everything under control, and when there’s something you need to know, you’ll know it.”

You didn’t realize how close he had gotten while he spoke until his hand came down reassuringly on your shoulder, sending an unexplained chill through you.

“Alright?” he follows up. Your eyes fall to his hand still on you before you look away, keeping your face down.

“Yeah,” you answer, though your tone makes it clear you aren’t satisfied with his explanation, or lack thereof.

His hand slowly drops from your shoulder before he squeezes your arm lightly and turns away.

“I’m gonna go get settled,” he announces before sending another sharp look to Bucky. “Buck,” he says with a nod of his head.

You watch the two of them go and then check the time. It’s a little past eight. You briefly consider starting something for dinner, but the uneasy feeling still gnaws at you and your focus just isn’t on cooking right now.

Instead, you go to the laundry room and grab the clean bedding, taking it back upstairs to your room to make the bed.

It doesn’t take you very long, and you decide to clean yourself up and start getting ready for bed, despite the fact that you’d just slept for five hours.

You wash off in the shower quickly and by the time Bucky comes into the room, you’re dried and in your pajamas.

“Hey,” he says as he approaches you, looking... off. You can’t quite put a finger on what it is or why.

“Hi,” you respond, instinctively wrapping your arms around him as he returns the gesture. “You okay?”

He picks you up with ease and you hold tighter to him. No matter how many times he does it, you’re always terrified one day he’s gonna drop you.

“Yeah,” he mumbles against your skin as he buries his face in your neck before taking you to the bed and easing you down to sit on the edge. He gets on his knees in front of you and rests his head in your lap as you play with his hair.

“You sure about that?” you prod gently.

“Yeah, I just. I get what you were saying last night. It’s not the same when Steve’s here. Not that I don’t want him here,” he quickly corrects himself, “it’s just different.”

“No, I know what you mean,” you assure him as you run your fingers through his hair, your nails lightly scratching his scalp before you urge him to look up at you. “But no matter what, we’re still here together,” you smile softly as you gaze into his dreamy blues, “and that’s all that matters.”

Bucky leans up to kiss you gently, taking your face delicately in his strong hands as he deepens it before he has to pull away to allow you both some air.

“I love you, doll, you know that?”

“I know, Buck. I love you more.”

Bucky grins, “I don’t think that’s even possible,” he argues playfully as he gets up and pushes you gently down on the bed, eliciting a delicate laugh from you as he crawls on top and begins attacking with kisses and teasing touches.

A knock on the bedroom door gets your attention as Bucky begrudgingly parts from you, allowing you to sit up as he goes to open the door for Steve.

“I’m gonna make something to eat, you guys hungry?” he asks, his earlier anger and irritation seemingly gone now.

“Yeah,” Bucky responds for both of you, “We’ll be right down.”

You hear Steve walk away and then listen to his heavy steps as he goes downstairs.

You look at Bucky petulantly.

“What?” he asks with a huffed laugh.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten since lunch, you can’t just skip meals. ‘S not good for you,” he says, taking your hand and tugging you off the bed. You follow him reluctantly.

As you leave the room, you stop at the top of the stairs, tugging Bucky’s hand a bit.

He turns and looks down at you, waiting for you to speak.

“Seriously, nothing about this seems off to you?” you ask in earnest.

Bucky blinks, taking in your words before you watch him swallow a little thickly. He takes both your hands in his and gives you a half smile.

“Baby,” he starts, bringing one of your hands to his lips and kissing it gently, “you’re okay. We’re okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.”

His sincerity eases you just slightly as you sigh and nod, a rush of guilt coming over you for being so paranoid. You’re probably stressing him out for no real reason.

You want to explain yourself, the sudden urge to tell him everything about that night, the attack, the true reason you were so on edge lately - well, more so than normal.. - to tell him all of it, was strong.

But you couldn’t do it right now.

You’d tell him later, after you ate and you two were alone again.

[hannieehaee]

LOST IN STEREO - teaser

18+ / mdi

summary: after kicking you out of your own band to seek success with the band on his own, vernon finds his plans falling through, all the while you'd reached success on your own. now leading your own label, vernon finds himself having to earn your forgiveness, not realizing how badly he'd hurt you years back.

content: friends2enemies2lovers!vernon, band!au, drummer!vernon, guitarist!reader, unrequited crush (kinda), pining, vernon kicks you out of your band bc ur a girl (asshole, ik), really incorrect music industry terminology (i know nothing about music oops), afab reader, reader becomes a producer after being kicked from vernon's band, seokmin, chan, hannie and kwannie are in the band, smut, penetrative sex, dry humping, fingering, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 433 (teaser); 8.8k (full fic)

release date: june 3rd

or you can check it out on my ko-fi or patreon today by subscribing to either one!

a/n: i know the summary and content are all over the place, but i promise the story in itself is coherent</3

masterlist | kofi/patreon

"Fuck! Jesus Christ, what are you doing here?"

He winced at the sudden sight of you upon turning a corner in the huge building he was currently exploring, never having expected to bump into you there.

"I work here, Vernon. I would've expected you to do some research on the labels you're auditioning for."

"W-wait. What do you mean you work here?"

"I'm a producer here. What? Surprised?"

"N-no!" he spluttered.

Fuck, you looked good. No, scratch that. You looked beautiful beyond belief.

How long had it been? Three? Four years?

He still felt horribly about it. You know, that whole situation in which he threw you under the bus for his own benefit; only for everything to come crashing down on him immediately after. Not only did he feel like an asshole, but also like a huge idiot. Letting go of a friendship just for a failed attempt at success would go down as the dumbest thing Vernon ever engaged in.

In his defense, he was a teenager at the time. Okay, maybe he was freshly 19, but it felt like the same thing back then. He had been an idiot who dumped his best friend and crush just for a chance in the music industry. What he had thought that to be the smartest move to make for the future of your shared band, ended up becoming his greatest mistake. To this day, he still thought back on it with shame.

What sucked the most was how talented he knew you were. That, and the knowledge that he bad been the sole person to blame for taking this opportunity away from you – from taking your own band away from you.

He quickly came to realize that it had been a horrible mistake, but it was too late by then. Contractually speaking, you had never really existed within the group. Your friendship had also crumbled soon after, despite your reassurance that all you wanted was the best for the band, even if that meant they'd continue on without you.

At the time, you had been the band's sole music producer, and song writer, and engineer, and you were the one who had a macbook with garage band on it, and–

"Vernon!"

Fuck. Had he been in his head this whole time?

You looked annoyed. Also way more grown and mature than when he last saw you at 19 years old. Fuck, did he mention you looked insanely hot?

"Sorry, I, uh, as I was saying," he cleared his throat, "Of course I'm not surprised. You're the most talented person I've ever known."

...

a/n: lol sorry for how abrupt the teaser is, i wasn't sure how to cut it</3

you can check it out today on my ko-fi or patreon by subscribing to either one!

[feelbokkie]

Sorry, I Love You | Chapter 5

pairing: Jeongin x fem reader

genre/warnings: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, friends to lovers, unrequited love, will they, won’t they dynamic, abusive relationship, alcohol abuse/alcoholism, emotional/psychological abuse

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, domestic violence (nobody's putting hands on anyone though), toxic relationship, suggestive if you squint, mention of blood

summary: Jeongin is in love with his best friend and he has been ever since he met her back in high school. He’s not sure how Y/n feels about him and in order to persevere their friendship, it’s a secret he keeps to himself. But when Y/n starts showing interest in one of their new neighbors, Jeongin starts to worry about the future of their relationship.

taglist: CLOSED

word count: 2,948

screenshot count: 19 (plus one 1 video at the end)

previous | masterlist | next

©feelbokkie (2024) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

Knock, knock, knock

You stand outside Soobin's apartment, waiting for someone to open the door. You have a key. He gave it to you ages ago when he and the other boys moved. He never asked for it back, even when you two were on breaks. Even then, you've only ever used it when one of them accidentally locked themselves out. You didn't feel comfortable enough letting yourself in even though your boyfriend lived there. Maybe part of you was being considerate of Yeonjun, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Kai's privacy. But another part of you was scared of what you might find one day.

"Do you know how late it is--" The door jerks open to reveal an annoyed Yeonjun. "...Oh...Y/n..."

His face softens when his eyes meet yours. You can only imagine what's going through his head, you know what's going through yours. The picture. What everyone is thinking of you. You hardly had any peace on the bus ride over, you felt like everyone's eyes were on you. Like they saw the picture too.

Yeonjun slightly leans against the doorframe. His hand is firm on the door, ready to slam it shut again. His hair a tousled mess pulled in different directions. The oversized grey zip-up hoodie swallows his slender frame. Part of the jacket slips off his shoulder, revealing the strap of the white tank top he's wearing underneath. His lower lip is red and raw. He's probably been nervously chewing on it for hours. A habit you know he's been trying to break.

"Hey, Junnie." You finally let out. "Is Soobin home?"

Yeonjun pulls the door closer to his body, closing any gap that you might try to squeeze your way through. "Yeah, but you shouldn't be here right now."

"You saw the picture," Your voice cracks. It's less of a question and more of a confirmation. You already know he did. His body language is enough of a giveaway. His face is as red as a stoplight, glowing in the soft porch light. His eyes dart around in all sorts of directions, begging to look at anything other than you.

"I'm sorry..." The red in his face slowly drifts down to his neck.

"I need to talk to him." You shift your weight onto your other leg.

"That's really not a good idea. We're handling it though. Gyu is looking for Soobin's room key so--"

"You can't even look at me right now, Yeonjun. I need to talk to him myself. He blocked me on everything so I have to do it in person."

Yeonjun's eyes finally snap to your face, almost like a spell. "I understand that, and I am sorry but I really don't think you should be here--"

"Yeonjun! Please," You ball your hands into tight fists, your nails digging into your palms as you try to keep yourself from crying. You can feel the all-too-familiar sting stab the back of your eyes.

"...He's been drinking, Y/n." He says softly, almost as if he's talking to a child. Your breath hitches in your throat for a moment. You're not sure if it's the scream you've been holding in since you saw the picture trying to make its way out or a sudden panicked and frustrated scream. Either way, you don't like it.

"I don't care. That picture is still up and more people are seeing it and my life is being ruined very quickly. If you don't let me in to talk to him, I'm going to scream and--"

"Fine," Yeonjun pauses for a moment before moving out of the frame and holding it wide open for you. "You can come in, just...just don't lock the door. Hell, leave it open, we won't listen."

You slightly nod your head at Yeonjun, a silent 'thank you' as you walk into the apartment. The atmosphere is immediately off. You don't hear the distant screams of Beomgyu from his room that you've become accustomed to. Or the noise from Kai making a snack in the kitchen. Yeonjun isn't on the couch playing a game with Beomgyu pestering him nearby. The TV is on and paused on a show that Taehyun and Yeonjun started the last time you were over.

You walk towards the bedrooms, hearing the hushed bickering between Kai and Beomgyu and the faint jingling of keys. As you walk closer, you find Beomgyu kneeling in front of the doorknob, a key ring in his hand. Kai is hunched over Beomgyu's shoulder telling him to try different keys while Taehyun is leaning against his bedroom door, watching his roommates argue with a frown etched onto his face.

"See, I told you to try that one first," Kai lets out a sigh of relief.

"I know, I know, now shut up before I redirect my anger," Beomgyu stands up and stretches, his shirt lifting a little.

Taehyun kicks himself off the wall and walks to the door. He pauses when catches a glimpse of you from the corner of his eye. "Y/n? You really shouldn't..."

You don't notice, but Yeonjun shakes his head, telling him to drop it. All three of the boys quietly step back, their worried eyes fall on your bad. Or maybe they're judging you. They saw the picture too. Their image of you is forever tainted.

You've never liked attention. It's why you prefer being behind the camera instead of in front of it. Being with Soobin, you've slowly gotten used to the attention. Of the peering eyes that the drama you two lived in attracted. How, when you two are fighting, everyone speaks carefully around you and their eyes watch you intently. Or how, when you two are together, they can't help their judgmental glares. But this, this is going to be different. You know that some, if not all of your friends aren't even going to be able to look at you. You're not entirely sure if that's going to be any better.

You push Soobin's bedroom door open and slowly walk in. The air in his room cool on your skin. Soobin rests against the headboard of his bed. The speaker you got him for his birthday 3 years ago loudly plays a song from a local band the two of you saw a couple of years ago. He ended up liking their music more than you did. His eyes are closed as it slowly bobs along to the music, the neck of a bottle of beer sits loosely in his hand. His eyes shoot open as you close the door. "Y/n? Here for another photoshoot?"

"I need you to delete the picture." You say firmly.

"Hm?" Soobin sits up, adjusting the light blue beanie on his head with his free hand. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? You know exactly why." Unsure what to do with your hands, you cross your arms.

"Nothing's showing. Your face is barely in it. It could be anyone." He waves off before taking another sip of his drink, spilling a little on his oversized white t-shirt.

"That's why you tagged me right?" You take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling to calm yourself, only to be met with your reflection.

Soobin throws his head back, letting out a deep hearty laugh before focusing his attention back on you. "You get on my ass because I don't post pictures of you and now you're getting on my ass because I did. I can't win!"

"I meant like a cute picture of me or hell, even an ugly candid. Not me--" You quickly press your lips together, trying to remain calm. You know that arguing with Soobin when he's drunk is pointless. You just want him to take the photo down. "Look, just take the fucking picture down."

“Why?" Soobin gets up from his bed and slowly walks towards you. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and searches for something. "Scared your other boyfriend might see it? Oh, looks like he already saw it. One of your other friends took a screenshot, wanna see who? Guess I have to look out for him too.”

You push his hand away as he tries to show you the engagement on his story. “I don't have another boyfriend and you know that."

"Do I?" He cocks his head to the side, he can hardly hide the smirk creeping up on his face.

You used to love the mischievous smirk that would sneak onto his face. It always preceded a bad idea which was followed by a wink. It's how you two ended up together. You didn't see past his angel-like looks when he asked 'Do you wanna get out of here?' You spent your second Friday in South Korea exploring the nightlife of Seoul. It's how you ended up with a tattoo in a place where only Soobin knows. And how you spent one of your breaks in the countryside with Soobin instead of going home. It's how you ended up letting Soobin take that picture in the first place.

"What do you want?" Your voice strains as you try to fight back the sob threatening to come out. "Do you want me to beg you to take it down?”

Soobin gently places his hand on your face and caresses your cheek with his thumb. The pads of his fingers are rough on your skin. "You always do look the prettiest on your knees."

"Are you doing this to get back at me or something?" Your voice finally cracks, your eyes sting from the all-too-familiar pricks.

Don't cry.

"What am I doing?" Soobin almost looks concerned as he wipes a traitorous tear from your cheek.

Having enough, you push Soobin's hand away from you. "You posted that picture of me knowing that everyone would see it. You constantly accuse me of cheating when I'm the only one who has been faithful the entire time."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nico," You cross your arms across your chest.

"Who the fuck is Nico?"

"Great, you don't even know the name of the person you're cheating on me with." You mutter under your breath. "The girl you've been sleeping with since the summer."

"Oh, that? I never slept with her while we were together."

"But you did sleep with her,"

"When we were on a break or broken up or whatever the fuck, yeah. It’s not cheating."

“That’s not the issue. I asked you if you were with anyone else while we were apart and you said 'no.'”

"I say a lot of things."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

You're not sure why you asked. Your mind is already second-guessing everything he's ever said to you. Every 'I love you.' Every apology. Every promise. Every secret. Hell, he even told you that the pictures he took would be for his eyes only. You're not sure which ones are true and which ones are lies. If there are even any truths.

"Hm, I wonder?" Soobin walks back to his bed and finally lowers the music.

"That's great, Soobin," You laugh because that's all you can do. If you don't laugh, you'll cry and the last thing you want is for Soobin to see you cry. "You know what, keep the picture up, I'm sure it's already made its way around the university. Post the rest of them. Fuck whoever you want, I don't care. I'm done and I'm tired."

Soobin lets out a loud laugh that sends a chill down your spine. You want to turn and leave, but something is stopping you.

"Okay, Y/n. Go ahead and break up with me, again. And then go talk shit about me to your friend before going and sleeping with one of your many guy friends--"

"I've never once given you a reason to think that I cheated on you when you've given me thousands. And I can promise you, I'm the only one defending you--"

"Don't lie to me! Did you defend me when you went out with Yeji and let her text me like that? What about when you showed up late to--"

"I really am done with you, I can't deal with you when you're like this." You turn to finally leave the room, your hand on the cool brass door knob.

Crash!

Your body freezes and turns cold as your eyes slowly inch to the wet spot on the wall. Your eyes trail down to the floor where there is now a puddle of beer and shattered glass. You've never been more grateful that Soobin is bad at sports. Two inches to the left and that bottle would have hit your head.

"Don't turn your back to me when I'm talking to you!"

Unsure of what else to do, you slink down to the ground and begin to pick up the pieces of glass from the floor. You bite down your quivering bottom lip as you swallow back sobs. You can't hear anything else beyond your sniffling, your eyes trained on the clear glass. You don't flinch as you accidentally cut your hand on one of the sharper shards. The whiplash of the past couple of hours clouding your mind. You're exhausted and slightly scared of leaving. If Soobin was willing to throw something at you, who knows what else he might do? You should have listened to Yeonjun and gone home, it would have been easier to deal with a sober Soobin than a drunk one.

"Hey, hey Y/n, put that down." Yeonjun kneels beside you and gently takes your hand.

"If I don't then..." Your voice trails off, you're not sure what argument you had.

"It's okay. The guys got it. C'mon, let's take care of your hand...and your cheek." Yeonjun carefully takes the glass out of your hand and helps you up as you touch the wet spot on your cheek that you thought was beer only to be met with blood. You follow behind as he leads you out of the room. You catch a quick glimpse of Beomgyu taking Soobin's phone out of his hands.

***

After patching your hand up and putting a bandaid on your cheek, Yeonjun drove you home. The drive was quiet as you looked out the window the whole time. You could tell that Yeonjun had something he wanted to say the whole time, but he kept his mouth shut. You only mumbled out a thank you and a small smile before you walked into your apartment.

Click

You press your back against the front door and slide to the ground, your body too tired to move anymore. You rest your head on your knees as you pull your phone out of your pocket. Your lock screen is littered with texts and missed calls from friends and classmates. You roll your swollen eyes as you unlock your phone and go to your contacts.

You steady your breathing as your thumb hovers over Jeongin's number, the top number in your favorites. It's nearly one in the morning. On a normal night, Jeongin would be asleep. He's one of the few people in your group who goes to bed at a decent time. You don't want to wake him up, but you need to hear his voice right now.

Bring, bring, bring

You hold the phone to your ear as you tuck your head back in between your knees. The monotone ringing is almost calming as you wait for him to pick up. You wish he was here with you now. Or that Yeonjun dropped you off at his house. But the last thing you want is it getting back to Soobin and giving him another reason to accuse you of something that you would never do. You don't see Jeongin as more than a friend. He's the one person you managed to get close to your entire time in the country. Sure, you love your other friends but there's a bond that you share with Jeongin that you don't seem to have with everyone else.

"Y/n?" Jeongin's tired voice asks on the other end. It's warm and soothing and somehow everything you need right now.

You stay silent, trying to keep calm. You know that the second he hears your crying, he's going to make his way over to you and the last thing you want is to have him see you with raccoon eyes and a bandaid on your face and jump to conclusions. You're not even sure you can look him in the eyes after that picture got out.

"Y/n?" You hear him moving around in the back, his voice slightly panicked. "Y/n, what's wrong?"

You want to just tell him that everything is wrong. That you and Soobin got into another fight and that you had to break up with him for good this time. That you know Soobin has more pictures on his phone and you're scared that he might end up posting them. That your hand and cheek hurt and are throbbing underneath the ointment and bandaids. How loud the heavy pounding in your head is right now and how heavy your heart feels in your chest. How you know that you're going to hear a chorus of 'I told you so's and looks of pity from all of your other friends. How you want nothing more than to be home, home with your parents and older brother. How you don't want to be alone right now.

You wipe the tears pouring down your face like a leaky faucet with your free hand. Your throat quickly becomes sore and dry as a sob settles in your chest just from the concern in Jeongin's voice. "My heart hurts,"

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

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[hearts401]

A Shitty Brother Kinda Christmas

(7,441 words)

Evan invites Michael over for Christmas after not speaking to him for over two years now. Shenanigans ensue

Michael was cold.

He was also annoyed and bored and excited and the slightest bit nervous.

But right now, he was just cold.

He was sitting out in the middle of nowhere waiting for a bus that had either already come or was nearly a half an hour late.

He was praying it was the latter.

It didn’t help that he’d had literally no time to prepare. Evan had called him at six in the morning and he’d had to rush to find a gift and means for transportation and it didn’t help that everything was closed for Christmas. So he’d thrown on the only coat he had and went for the first bus he could catch. Now he was stuck out in the snow waiting for a bus that might not even arrive.

But some things were worth getting hypothermia for.

Unfortunately for Michael, this was not feeling like one of those things. But it was a second chance, and he’s fucked up too much to give up on a second chance. Frankly, when Evan had asked for his number, he’d already expected not to hear from him ever again, and he’d made peace with that. As much peace as he could at least. It wasn’t something he thought about a lot, and he doubted Evan thought about it much either.

But today his head’s been full of it, as unpleasant as that is.

When the bus finally pulled up, the driver assured him that the snow was what caused the delay, and apologized profusely. Michael didn’t care, he was just glad it came at all.

The bus was almost entirely empty, which made his life a lot easier. He clicked on his phone, not that there was anything to look at. It was Christmas, after all.

When Evan had invited him, he’d known it would be disappointing to Jeremy; He always looked forward to Christmas, but he promised they’d have their own little Christmas when he got back, but this was the first time he’d spoken to Evan in… Forever. His little brother had a house for god’s sake! A house! And he lived with his friend! That friend who’d punched Michael, the friend who always let Evan stay over his house, the friend he’d totally definitely not gotten into a fist fight with more than once all because of his own stubborn attitude.

So yeah, Michael was a jerk. But in his defense, Gregory was stubborn too.

His phone pinged and he picked it up. It was Evan again. Geez, why did he keep calling? Michael had already agreed, he didn’t want to talk to him right now, not yet.

But he can’t keep putting it off, and he doesn’t wanna seem like he’s avoiding Evan. (Even though he is, technically.)

“Hello? Hello, hello?” He said, “What’s up?”

“It’s me.” Evan said, “Just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay? I’m really sorry it’s such short notice.”

“It’s whatever.” Michael replied, “The bus was late though.”

“It’s Christmas, that’s expected.” Evan replied.

This was weird. Not a bad weird, but not a good weird either.

“Yeah.” Is all he said, “Uhm, is there anything else you need? The service here is ass.”

“Uh, no, I was calling to tell you if the bus hadn’t come to just forget it because I didn’t want you to keep waiting. It’s cold outside.”

“No shit.” He said with a dry laugh, “I’m gonna go now. Bad service, you know how it is.”

“Oh? O-Okay, yeah, bye.” Evan said.

“Bye.” Michael said before hanging up and sitting back against the seat.

“Shitty service?” He mumbled to himself, “Idiot.”

“Well, that sucked.” Elizabeth said. She was hanging decorations she’d brought since their house wasn’t “Christmas ready” in her words.

“He’s probably just tired.” Charlie said, “I’m sure he’s happy you invited him.”

“Well maybe the invitation isn’t what’s got him in the dumps and maybe it’s more the timing?” Elizabeth said.

Evan shrunk back, “I really didn’t notice how close it was getting to Christmas, I just… I couldn’t decide if I wanted to invite him…”

Elizabeth shrugged, “Fair, I guess. I usually invite him over but he spends his Christmas with his friends a lot.”

“His friends?” Charlie asked, “Jeremy?”

“And those other kids from middle school.”

Evan scrunched up his nose, “He still hangs out with those guys?”

“Yeah?” Elizabeth climbs down the small step ladder she was on, “They’re his friends.”

Evan huffs, “Yeah, I know.” He mutters.

Charlie offers a small smile at him, nudging him, “He’s not bringing any of them, it’s just him, Ev.” She says, “I’m sure everything will be okay.”

He nods slowly, “Yeah, yeah I guess.”

“Hey, Evan?” Gregory calls from the other room where he’s helping Sammy set up for dinner.

“O-oh, yeah?”

“Why does Michael do that weird ‘hello? Hello, hello?’ thing?”

Evan blinked, “I… I don’t know, actually.”

“Oh my god he does that all the time I don’t think he even realizes it!” Elizabeth said, “It drives me insane!”

Charlie laughed, “Yeah, Sammy says he does it every time he calls him.”

“He does!” Sammy said, “Every time. I asked him about it once and he was just as confused as me! He just does it. It’s like an instinct.”

Gregory laughed too, “That is funny as hell I’m never letting him live that down.”

“Oh, speaking of living things down,” Evan hopped off his bed and headed to the kitchen, “You’re gonna be on your best behavior. If you and him fight, I’m sticking you both outside.”

“If you put me outside with him I’ll bury him alive in the snow.” Gregory said.

“I’m serious.” Evan said, “I don’t want you fighting with him.”

It’s not that Evan didn’t appreciate Gregory standing up for him, but it was stressful. He didn’t want his friend hurt for him, and he certainly didn’t want to spend Christmas breaking up his brother and his best friend.

Gregory looked over at Evan, “Yeah, of course.” He said, “No fighting.”

“And that means no punching, kicking, swearing, snapping, pushing, shoving-”

“Okay, okay, okay, no fighting.” Gregory said, “But he needs to back off sometimes, I’m gonna let him know.”

“I can let him know.” Evan said, “We’re going to have a nice Christmas like a family!”

They all turned to look at him.

“We’re going to have a nice Christmas like a… decent dysfunctional patchwork family…” He rephrased, “I-I guess.”

Gregory laughed at that, “It’ll be fun, I’m sure.”

“I wish you could’ve invited Nessa,” Evan said, “I’m sure she’d have loved to meet Mike.”

When Michael finally arrived, he was met with the entire house laughing at him. Even Evan couldn’t hide his amusement at seeing his brother pull up to his house soaking wet and shaking like a leaf.

“You look great.” Sammy said.

“Piss off.” Michael muttered.

“Come inside, you look like you’re gonna freeze to death.” Charlie said.

“I feel like it too.” Michael muttered.

They brought him inside and Evan found himself suddenly regretting every decision that led up to this.

He felt sick, and he realized with a shock that there was a reason he had avoided Michael. He didn’t know what to say to him, what to do with him, or what to talk about. What do you say to your big brother who you ghosted for nearly two years after getting his number? What do you say to the person who ruined your life? What do you say to the person who treated you like shit and almost killed you and only formally apologized a couple years ago?

Gregory must have noticed because he discreetly led Evan back to his room and sat down with him.

“Not ready?” He asked.

“Not at all.” He said, flopping onto his back.

“What is it?” Gregory asked, laying down beside him.

“I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him in forever and I was cool with that but then we did talk again and then we split up again and I just… How can I never speak to him again after that? How can I not give him at least a chance to be better? But at the same time… I don’t want to talk about The Thing, and I don’t want to bring it up but I can’t move on if I don’t and I feel sick thinking about it because what if it goes wrong? What if I fuck it up? What if he fucks it up? What if all this bullshit was for nothing this whole time and I’m just gonna end up hating him more than I already do?”

Gregory listens intently, staring at Evan, “You know, I told you not to invite him.”

“I know but-”

He continues speaking, interrupting Evan, “But! You insisted. Why?”

“Because I want to give him another shot.” Evan said.

“And he came because…” Gregory raises his eyebrows expectantly.

“Because he wants to take that shot.” Evan said, slowly understanding.

“So, you want to give him a chance? You don’t have you, you don’t owe anything to him, especially forgiveness. Do you wanna cut this short? Nobody would blame you if you did. I sure as hell wouldn’t.”

Evan sits up, “I guess.”

Gregory smiles, “Why don’t you take some time, dinner’s not done yet. Nobody’s rushing you, and I’m sure Michael is just as nervous. The only difference is that he deserves it.”

Evan laughs a bit at that, “Be nice.” He said.

“No promises!” Gregory called as he walked out of the room.

Frankly, Gregory was right. Michael was just as nervous. In fact, he wanted to curl up in a ball and sink into a hole and die right about now. He didn’t know where to sit so he ended up standing awkwardly off to the side.

Unfortunately for him, Sammy was quick to act like he owned the place. Gregory and him were like siblings, to be fair.

“Come on Mike, sit down.” Sammy said, “What’s wrong, are you nervous?”

“No. Not at all.” He muttered, “I just prefer standing.”

“Yeah, well, you look out of place with the Christmas decorations and I need to take photos so unless you wanna be my santa clause, I suggest you move.” Elizabeth said.

“You're as blunt as ever.” He muttered.

“Thanks, I try my best.” She replied with a grin.

He sat down next to Sammy, pulling out his phone, only to have Charlie grab it away from him, ignoring the indignant noise he made.

“Aw, Jeremy? Are you guys dating yet?” She teased.

“Wha- no! Give that back!” He lunged, reaching for it, but she snatched it away too quickly.

“Come on, Mike, you’ve gotta have something interesting in your life, how’s my dad?”

“Uncle Henry’s doing fine.” He answered as he continued to chase her around, “Give it back Charlie!”

“What pictures do you have? Aw, is that your dog?” Charlie pulled up a picture.

“No, it’s Jeremy’s! Now give it back!”

“What’s its name?” She asked.

Michael looked over at Elizabeth and exaggeratedly gestured at Charlie, but she just laughed at him.

“She missed messing with you, this is your own fault.” She said.

“She’s right, messing with Evan isn’t as fun. He doesn’t get mad like you do.” Charlie said.

Michael scowled at her, but he couldn’t deny that it made him feel a lot better though. 

When Gregory and Evan returned, Michael offered a smile and a small wave at Evan, that his brother slowly returned.

Evan was pale, but Michael didn’t mention it; He probably was too. Although that could just be from sitting out in the snow for half an hour.

He was still a bit upset about that.

Elizabeth invited him to sit beside her, which ended up sticking him right beside Evan, who had Gregory on his other side, who had Sammy next to him, and then Charlie beside him, and then it came full circle back to Elizabeth.

Great, cool, cool cool cool cool cool. This could go one of two ways:

One, it goes horrible and awful and everything that could go wrong does go wrong.

Or two, it goes fine and Michael’s overreacting.

But he could tell Evan was uncomfortable, and the tension was uncomfortable for him as well.

He took a breath before standing abruptly, “Actually, I ate at home and I could totally just grab a hotel or something so I’m gonna-”

“You’re not leaving.” Evan said.

Michael turned to him, “I’m sorry what?”

Evan shrunk back, “I-I just mean- you can stay here. Uhm… Unless you really don’t want to which is fine but you know you should stay here with us because it’ll make it easier and honestly who sleeps in a hotel on Christmas Eve I mean-”

“Okay! Okay. That- we can do that, that’s fine.” Michael said. He sat back down slowly, staring hard at his plate.

“And I can tell you didn’t eat at home.” Evan said, “I don’t like that you’re lying to me.”

Michael doesn’t reply to that, shrugging.

Evan’s eyebrows furrow, but he doesn’t say anything else. Gregory leans in next to him and whispers something, though.

So it went bad. Not awful, but bad. Michael didn’t eat much, but the food was good. Henry knew how to cook, and it seemed like he’d taught the twins how to cook as well.

Elizabeth leans back in her chair, “So, now that we’ve invited Michael, who wants to send a call to dear old dad? I have his number.”

Evan groans, “Not again with this…”

“Please, please Evan it would be so funny please.” Gregory shot up in his chair, “Please you didn’t let me do it to Michael let me do it to your dad.”

“Do what to Michael?” Michael asked.

“They wanted me to prank call you guys and send you random shit. Gregory, my dad will find and kill us all. I hope you know that.”

Prank call his dad? Prank call the William Afton?

“No wait I like this idea, Ev, we should do it one hundred percent.” Michael said.

“See? He agrees.” Elizabeth said.

Evan rolled his eyes, “You guys are the worst.”

“We’re the best actually.” Charlie said, “And it’s uhhhh… five against one.”

Evan sighed, “Do what you want. I need to set up our room anyway.”

Charlie cheered.

“I actually think I’m still in his contacts.” Michael said, “He keeps texting me, I don’t read 'em though.” He didn’t tell them that he repeatedly hesitated and refused to block his dad for a reason he himself couldn’t fathom. But to be fair, Lizzie hadn’t blocked him either. In fact, she still messaged him back sometimes. Even if the conversations weren’t friendly, he couldn’t imagine talking to his dad ever again, he didn’t know how she did it. 

“And we don’t wanna start today, let’s use Charlie’s phone.” Sammy said.

They spent the night sending random images to William until he blocked them, and then they went on to relentlessly call Jeremy, who had apparently been asleep, before they went on to call Gregory, and stayed on call with him while he and Evan set up.

It was weird how normal this was. It was weird how quickly it had become just spending Christmas together instead of unloading 15 years of bullying and 21 years of loathing.

But then again, they were the Afton family, pretending to be normal was their whole thing. They did it for the first eighteen years of Michael’s life.

But he could sit back and enjoy this before the incredibly uncomfortable conversation that was inevitable. If him and Evan would quit avoiding it.

Gregory then came in to let them know the room was ready.

Sitting down in Evan’s house was one thing. Sleeping in it was a whole other thing. He felt like a teen again, when his dad was in the hospital for one of his springlock accidents and Michael had to stay with Henry while he was gone. That had sucked. His dad hadn’t wanted to bring him over Henry’s house, so he hardly knew Charlie and Sammy, and because of that he’d felt so out of place in their house. Not to mention his siblings were there, and by then he was sick to death of them.

Thinking back on it, he did have a lot of issues as a kid. Maybe he still had them. Who was he to dwell on it, though.

Michael Afton has issues, like that’s news.

This time he made a point to sit beside Elizabeth. She wasn’t the best choice, but she was the only one who still messaged him. Despite how she acted, she always wanted a family. But she got the Aftons, which is more like a classification than a family.

She gave him a disappointed look, but he ignored it.

The decorations in the room were really cool. They had lights strung up on the walls and they’d put up blankets to hang over them, as well as covering up the window. The floor was layered with blankets and pillows, and Michael noticed it looked like a nest.

He had taught Evan how to make nest-like pillow forts when he was only four. Michael had been seven, and hadn’t even been good at teaching, but Evan had really enjoyed it. Michael hadn’t enjoyed teaching him, but it kept the kid quiet and that’s all he’d needed. But this fort was obviously not a product of his teaching, since it was unlikely Evan remembered that.

Weird that he’d remember that. It felt like a karmic “fuck you” from the universe.

Evan was really enjoying this. He didn’t feel as anxious anymore, and it felt almost normal. He had been preoccupied with everything else to think about The Thing and it made him feel a lot better about it. He was also proud of the pillow fort, which Gregory had helped with a lot. They’d had it planned for a while, and he was glad it turned out so well.

Good food, good bed, good friends, and so far no issues with Michael. None that he wanted to talk about yet, at least.

This was a good day! A great day! And hopefully a great Christmas day would follow!

He was quick to pull his friends into it and talk to them about it. He loved how cozy it looked. Like a shiny little nest. It was awesome and he loved it so much.

“Wait. Wait! I need my camera!” He went out to the kitchen, “Gregory? Do you know where I put my camera?”

“I put it in the end table drawer! The bottom one, next to the couch!” Gregory called back.

“Awesome. Thank you!” He grabbed it and ran back into the room, “Mike get in the back you’re the tallest, Gregory and Charlie, I need you guys up front. Elizabeth, get closer to Mike, come on. Sammy, you’re perfect there don’t move. It’s on a ten second timer so hold that for a moment!”

He ran over to them, positioning himself beside Michael and behind Gregory.

He went to grab his camera when it was done, smiling at the picture, “It looks awesome, I can’t wait to print it.” He said.

The others crowded over to see.

“You’re pretty good at sitting still and looking pretty.” Charlie teased Michael, “It’s your one redeeming quality.”

Michael shoved her face away with his hand, “Oh piss off.”

“He said the thing again!” Sammy cheered, “He said it earlier too. I feel like I’m in England every time I talk to him.”

“Did I tell you guys about that time Evan screamed ‘you cunt’ at the top of his lungs?” Gregory said.

“No! No! You promised you wouldn’t tell them about that!” Evan wails, grabbing Gregory’s arm.

“He was playing a racing game or something and he just lost big time. Huge time. Horribly. Awful. It was embarrassing.”

“Gregory!”

“And he just shouted at the top of his lungs. In the most British I’ve ever heard him, it was insane.” Gregory continues, “He had to apologize to our neighbors. It was hilarious.”

Evan covered his face, “It was awful, I felt so bad.” He groaned.

Michael chuckled, “That’s funny, Lizzie was always the one who used British slang. She got it from our father.”

Elizabeth shoved him playfully, “Okay Mr. I-Say-Bloody-Hell-And-Piss-Off-Every-Five-Seconds.”

“Pi- leave me alone!” Michael said indignantly.

“He almost said it again!” Charlie said, laughing.

“Jeez, you people are impossible.” He said.

At that moment, his phone rang. “Oh, shit, it’s Jeremy. I’ll be right back!”

Evan watched Michael leave, his head tilted slightly to the side.

Gregory nudged him, “Feel better?”

“A bit… Thanks.” He answered.

Gregory smiled, “I told you it’d be okay.”

Evan nodded, “I’m stressing out a bit still but I do feel better. Maybe I was just overreacting.”

“Mike is being super weird though.” Elizabeth said, “He’s not usually like this with his friends.”

“Well duh,” Charlie said, “he’s overthinking just as much as Evan is. He’s just shit at hiding it because he’s not a ball of fear and sadness the way Evan is.”

Evan frowned, “Well I wish he’d just act normal. I don’t like that he keeps lying to me. He makes everything harder than it has to be.”

Charlie hummed, “He’s just scared. Like a little animal in the woods.”

Evan couldn’t stop his sudden and loud laughter at that.

But he did feel angry. He wasn’t going to say it, he wasn’t sure he was ready to say it, but he felt it. Michael wasn’t even trying.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom real quick.” He told Gregory.

Michael knew the call wasn’t Jeremy. He also knew it would end long before he wanted it to. It’d been one of his friends from middle school, and they had hung up several minutes ago. But he liked the silence while it lasted.

“So, you’re avoiding me?” Evan asked from directly beside him. 

Michael jumped with a shout, nearly falling off the couch.

“Jesus Christ, Evan!” He gasped, “Don’t do that!”

Evan didn’t react, “Whatcha doin’?”

“Sitting… on the couch?”

Evan’s eyebrows furrowed. He looked like Dad when he did that.

“No, actually,” he said, “you’re being a bum. Alone on Christmas? Come on, we’re heading to bed now.”

Michael nodded, “Yeah, okay.”

They spent the night doing random things. Charlie told some scary stories, they watched a movie, Michael showed them his playing card collection and Evan beat Gregory at war at least ten times, and Elizabeth got a whole console out and they played a few different games.

Of course, the tension did not leave. Everytime he accidentally bumped into Evan or one of them said something a little too… Iffy… it only got thicker.

When he looked over at his little brother, he noticed he was asleep. Him and everyone else.

Well, except for one.

“Can’t sleep?” Gregory asked.

Michael shrugged, “Who can sleep on Christmas Eve?”

Gregory eyed the others, “Them, apparently.”

Michael chuckled, “Yeah, I guess so.” He said.

They fell silent, and Michael laid down on his back, staring at the blankets hung above him.

“You know I don’t want you here, right?”

“Yeah. I know.”

“But he does. Don’t ruin that for him. Or Elizabeth. She said she’s been trying to get you to come over for Christmas.”

Michael stares at him, “I don’t talk to her a lot, I thought she was just being nice.”

“She was.” Gregory said, “I don’t doubt she was. But she still likes talking to you. I don’t know, don’t you think maybe she actually cared if she asked every year?”

Michael scoffed, “I told her every year that I spend my Christmas with Jeremy. Or Henry.”

“Speaking of Henry, what’s he doing for Christmas if Charlie and Sammy aren’t there?”

Gregory sat up, “Charlie said He remarried or something.”

“Really?” Michael said, “That’s… He didn’t tell me that…”

“I might be wrong but that’s what I heard.”

 “Hm.”

Gregory looked over at him, “You’re kind of a loser, you know that?”

Michael stared at him for a moment before he burst out laughing.

Gregory shushed him, “You’re gonna wake them up, shut your mouth!” He hissed.

Michael flopped over on his back, still laughing, though he tried to keep quiet, “You are incredibly blunt.”

“Well, to be fair, I don’t particularly like you very much,” Gregory said.

“I can tell.”

When Gregory heard him go quiet, he glanced over his shoulder.

“Lightweight.”

Evan woke up with a pillow being chucked at his face the moment he sat up.

So he stayed down.

But he could hear Charlie and Michael laughing.

Michael sounded like he’d been doing this for a while, and Charlie kept squealing. The noise was quickly giving him a headache, but it made him feel better about the day, and that’s all he needed anyways.

The day?

Holy shit it’s Christmas.

Evan bolted upright, “It’s Christmas.”

Gregory laughed, “Yeah, it is.”

Elizabeth threw herself on Evan and pulled him into a hug, “Morning sleepyhead!” She said, “You’re the last one to wake up.”

“We’ve been waiting forever.” Sammy groaned, “So I started chucking pillows at you and seeing if you’d wake up.”

“I told him not to.” Gregory said.

Evan smiled, “You guys are amusing. Has anyone made breakfast?”

Charlie points at Michael, “I told him to.”

Michael pushes her finger away from his face, “And I told her that I have not cooked something edible since I was 15.”

Elizabeth shuddered, “That lasagna was not edible.”

“Har har har.” Michael muttered, “at least I tried.”

Charlie sat up, “Me and Sammy made dinner, it’s someone else’s turn.”

“I vote Greg does it.” Sammy said.

“What? Why me?” Gregory whined, “I always do it!”

“I’ll make it.” Evan said.

“I’ll come help.” Elizabeth jumped to her feet.

She grabbed Michael’s arm, “I’ll show you what edible actually means.”

Charlie waved Michael goodbye with a smirk on her face as he scowled.

Evan took out the stupid cinnamon rolls in the weird circle can thingy? He didn’t know anything about them but they were good so who cares.

Michael frowned, “This is breakfast?”

“You look like you live off ramen noodles, shut up and enjoy Christmas dinner as it should be.” Evan said.

Michael blinked a few times.

“… You don’t… You don’t actually live off noodles, do you?”

“…”

So Evan learned several unpleasant things about Michael’s eating habits.

But so far, so good. He’d only felt soul crushing anxiety twice since Michael got here!

So… Good?

He wasn’t sure but it wasn’t bad so that had to mean something.

Despite joking around, Evan was a bit irritated. Michael was still being weird and it didn’t help that Elizabeth clearly didn’t understand the tension.

“You two are too quiet, come on, it’s Christmas.” She said, “Loosen up!”

“I’m just tired, Liz.” Evan said.

She flicked his forehead, earning a yelp from Evan.

“Well, don’t be, it’s Christmas!”

He didn’t like how much this reminded him of home. He didn’t like that this reminded him of his sister avoiding and ignoring his problems or his brother never listening to him.

They were all so different, but some things never change.

Unpleasantly, his mind drifted to his dad. But he pushed those thoughts away. He didn’t know why he always thought of his dad when he talked to his siblings.

“Evan, it’s done.” Elizabeth said, “Do you wanna frost it?”

Evan nodded, “While they’re still hot.”

She smiled at him, “Then we can open gifts? You’re gonna love what I got you, I promise.”

No, his siblings were nothing like his dad. No doubt they have pieces of him in them—No doubt Evan did too—But they were not him.

Maybe he could learn to live with those pieces. He’d done it with Elizabeth.

But it was just so much harder with Michael. Even now, when they were laughing and pretending to be okay, he felt dissatisfied. He wanted more than this, he wanted reassurance that his brother actually wanted to change and didn’t just feel bad. What if Michael was doing this for himself? To make himself feel less guilty? Less at fault?

As cruel as it sounded in his head, he found himself regretting giving Michael this chance. He didn’t deserve closure, not when it had taken Evan over a decade to get his own closure. He knew Michael was trying, but why did he get to decide when this change of heart came along? Why did he get to decide when this ended?

He settled in his seat beside Gregory, who was talking to Charlie and Sammy. Elizabeth was quietly talking to Michael, and Evan stayed quiet. He had things to think over. A lot.

When they finished, Charlie and Elizabeth practically dragged him to the tree.

Michael hung back, and Evan felt a twinge of… Something. Sadness? Anger? He didn’t know. But it was something.

Elizabeth insisted he opened hers first, so he did. It was a camera. Except it was yellow and had little bear ears and…

“It’s Fredbear!” He exclaimed, “It’s so cute! Oh my god, Lizzie, this must have taken forever!”

“Charlie helped with it,” She said.

He looked it over, “And it’s brand new… Smile!” He pointed it at Elizabeth and Charlie, snapping a photo quickly, “Oh my god, I love it, Liz.”

She grinned, “I knew you would.”

Gregory smiled at Evan, pushing a small box closer to him.

Evan unwrapped it slowly, before slamming it down and giving Gregory a playfully harsh look, “You did not.”

Gregory laughed, “I really did.”

He held up the sweater, “This is so dumb I’m gonna wear it for the rest of my life.”

The sweater was black with a skull on it, but it was sporadically decorated with random Christmas things. It looked so strange and out of place and he loved it.

Of course he got Gregory an equally ugly sweater, one with flowers on it, but the middle of the flower was replaced with Glamrock Freddy, one of the characters made for Fazbear Entertainment after his father had sold it off in response to the horror rumors about it.

Evan knew they weren’t true, but they still made his skin crawl sometimes.

Sammy bought him a crochet kit, with a bunch of colors for him and Gregory to mess with. He must have remembered Evan mentioning that he wanted to pick it up as a hobby.

They continued exchanging gifts, and Michael was quiet for the most part, as if he was dreading something, which Evan found amusing; of course he was nervous, he’d had one day to find thoughtful gifts for people he hardly spoke to.

Suddenly, just as Evan was going to stand, Michael tossed something to him, and he jumped in surprise.

“I didn’t know what to get you, to be honest. I, uhm, I hope this isn’t a shitty gift…” Michael said, “I also hope it doesn’t like… ruin your day… it’s a hit or miss, so I’m taking a shot.”

Evan blinks a few times, “Alright…”

He carefully unwraps the gift, gasping softly when he sees it fully.

The fur is worn, and the stitches are messy—the handiwork of his uncle, no doubt—and one of the ears has a hole in it, but there’s no mistaking it.

It was Fredbear.

The original plushie.

The one he hadn’t seen since he moved out of his dad’s house.

He’d had another, one that Gregory’s dad had made for him, but it’d never been quite the same. It also didn’t talk to him.

… Well maybe that was a good thing.

He didn’t take his eyes off it as he spoke softly, “Where… did you get this?” 

“Dad sent it to me since he didn’t have contact with you. He didn’t give me a chance to say I didn’t either. Henry patched it up and it’s just been collecting dust for the past few months.”

He stared at it. It reminded him of a lot of things. The animatronics on stage that terrified him, being bullied, his nightmares, his dad, The Thing, meeting Gregory, that day he broke his ankle, that time Mike almost hit him with his car his first time driving it, when he spent that first night with Gregory, and so many other things.

“Huh…” He said.

“Is it… a good gift…?”

“Yeah, yeah I missed him.” He said, “Thank you.”

Michael smiled.

Elizabeth stood up, “Well, that was sweet,” she said, “let’s get this picked up now.”

They all groaned, and Lizzie clicked her tongue, “Come on, guys, this isn’t our house, we can’t trash it and leave.”

So they picked up. It wasn’t hard, but at some point Charlie bumped into Elizabeth, who playfully pushed her away, and then that ended with the two of them wrestling each other to the ground. Sammy jumped in and for a moment Evan thought Gregory would too, but he didn’t.

So the two of them just continued cleaning while Charlie squealed. And he glanced over at Michael.

He was picking up alongside them, and Evan couldn’t stop himself from laughing a bit.

Michael frowned, “What? What am I doing?”

“Nothing, nothing, it’s just funny that you’re cleaning. We were lucky if Dad got you to pick up a sock, much less your room, much less Henry’s house.”

Michael scoffed, but didn’t say anything.

Thanks for participating in the conversation, I’m glad we’re talking. Evan thought sarcastically.

Gregory looked like he wanted to say something, but he bit his tongue when Evan gave him a look.

“No fighting, I know,” He muttered.

God this sucked a lot.

Michael didn’t know what to say. And he was annoyed that Evan would bring that up. He got so much shit from his dad for not picking up his room, but he could never bring himself to care. He’d hated that house, he’d hated his dad, he’d hated his siblings, and god he’d hated his little brother.

Not that he knew exactly why, though.

His thoughts were interrupted by Elizabeth grabbing his arm, “It snowed last night, do you guys still get snow over in Utah?”

“What? Of course we do!” He said, “Why wouldn’t we?”

“I don’t know, you seem so grumpy I thought you must have never experienced a good thing in your life.” She said.

Evan winced and Michael frowned, “I’m not grumpy.” He said.

“Sure, as if you haven’t been moping around. You know, if you were just going to sulk this whole time you shouldn’t have come,” Elizabeth crossed her arms, “Nobody forced you to come, but you’re acting like this is the worst place to be right now.”

“I’m just… nervous…” He said slowly.

“Nervous? About what? You came because you wanted to see us, didn’t you?” She challenged, “You’re just being dodgy today, I don’t know. You just nudged gifts to us and mumbled ‘thank you’ and hung back, why aren’t you at least trying to participate?”

“I am trying! I’m just not feeling it, okay? Why do you even care, you’re not the one who invited me!”

Elizabeth scoffed, “I invite you every year and every year you shut me down, but not Evan? Is this even about him? Because it feels like it’s about you!”

Michael stared at her, “I’m trying my best!”

“Avoiding us is your best!?”

He fell silent. One look at Evan and Gregory told him they had been thinking the same things.

Goddammit.

He really had been neglecting his sister, hadn’t he? It’s not that he meant to, it’s just that he didn’t know how to talk to her. Her life fell apart pretty quickly once their father’s parenting… declined… but even then she still reached out to their father. Whether she actually thought he could change or if she was just doing it for herself, though, he had no idea.

He was trying to settle these things one at a time! why did he have to fuck up with both his siblings?

“She’s not wrong.” Gregory said, “You’ve been weird lately, and it’d be much easier for everyone if you just… I don’t know… talked? You’re not getting anywhere sneaking around like a dog.”

Michael felt his anger spark at that, “I’m not sneaking around! And don’t call me a dog!”

Elizabeth clenched her fists, “Well if you were really here to make amends, you’d put some effort in, but instead this feels more like a shitty way of getting closure and making yourself feel better-”

Evan stepped forward then, “Okay, that’s enough!”

“-And maybe if you hadn’t almost killed Evan he wouldn’t hate you so much!”

The whole room fell silent.

Evan stared at her, “Elizabeth…”

“It’s true!” She said, “It’s true! He’s always done this! You just avoid us, you shut us out, like that will help, and then you come crawling back for forgiveness so you don’t feel like shit about it!”

“Elizabeth!” Evan shouted.

She turned to look at Evan, and they locked eyes for a moment. She sighed, “I’m going… To go to the gas station for a bit. Call me if you need me.”

Michael watched her go, silent. His gut was twisting and he felt sick.

He was a shitty brother all around, wasn’t he?

He couldn’t even get his sister to like him. Not that he’d tried very hard. Elizabeth made herself feel untouchable. She avoided her brothers because she didn’t want to be caught in the middle of whatever they were doing. She hadn’t been talking about Evan, not entirely. She was probably lonely, he realized.

He looked at Evan, “I didn’t… I’m… I’m sorry…”

Evan stared at him, “Do you want to talk about It? Now?”

Michael laughed, but it was dry and humorless, “No, but I’m willing to, if you want to.”

“We’ll leave you guys alone.” Charlie said, grabbing Gregory and Sammy and pulling them away.

“Liz is right, you’re not really proving anything other than the fact that you feel bad. Which is… It’s annoying.” Evan said, “I know you feel bad, I’ve known that since I got out of the hospital when I was ten, Mike. I don’t need to know you feel bad, I need to know you care and want to make an effort to change.”

“Well, I am trying I just-”

“Don’t know how?”

Michael looked up at him.

“...Yeah.” He said softly, “I don’t know what to do, I hardly know you guys anymore.”

Evan sat down beside him, “None of us do, it took Elizabeth years to even look at me, and even longer for us to finally start actually talking. There’s a lot of things we can’t fix. Elizabeth will always be blunt, that will never change. It’s something she got from Dad. She can’t help that, but she can make it better.” He looked up at Michael, “And I think you can, too. If you just talk to me, but you won’t. And that’s making it hard. I don’t want to push you or bother you but I really really need to just… understand this.”

“So… About The Thing…”

“Yeah, The Thing. Me almost dying, you putting my head into heavy machinery? That Thing?”

“Yeah.”

“I… I still have the scar, you know? It healed over pretty well though, head wounds do that. But I still dream of it, you know. Do you have nightmares?”

“Of seeing my little brother’s head get crushed like a grape? Yeah,” He took a deep breath, “Hard to forget that when I spent at least five minutes staring at it.”

Evan stares at the floor, “... I don’t even remember when it happened. I didn’t feel it at all. Not until I woke up, at least.”

He takes a deep breath, “I… Can I just ask you why?”

“What?”

“Why did you do all that? Why did you treat me like that?”

Michael fell silent. He never talked about the why. It’s not that he didn’t know. He knew. He had known since he started, since he watched his brother’s skull get crunched in front of him.

“I thought it was funny,” He said, “I didn’t like that Dad did all that shit to me. He obviously enjoyed it, and I enjoyed doing it to you. Some kind of fucked up stress relief, I guess.”

Evan stares at him, looking hurt, “That’s brutally honest.”

“You said you didn’t want me to lie to you.”

Evan nodded, “Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a bit, before Evan spoke.

“I don’t know if I want to forgive you or not,” He said, “It’s not that… It’s not that I don’t think you’ve changed but… I still have nightmares. I still remember these things that happened to me and they… they suck. But sometimes I feel like a jerk because I know you’re trying and I know you don’t get why this is so hard for me but… But I really hate you. I hate that you are here for closure, I hate that you are here at all. But I invited you.”

“I think I do get it.” Michael said.

“Hm?”

“I… I haven’t blocked Dad yet, did you know that?”

“Really? I blocked him the day I moved out.” Evan said.

“I keep not wanting to. I keep thinking, ‘what if something happens? What if I need to talk to him?’ even though I know that’ll probably never happen.”

“So I guess I can get where you’re coming from. In a weird twisted way, you know? I don’t know how to cut him off, but I don’t know how to talk to him. It’s like there’s a door open in front of me and I’m too scared to walk through it but what if I close it and it locks? What if there was something good in there?”

Evan doesn’t take his eyes off Michael, before he says, “Give me your phone.”

Michael blinks at him, tilting his head, but he slowly hands Evan his phone, “What’re you doing?”

“Blocking Dad.”

“What!? Did you not hear anything I just said?” He reached for his phone, but Evan was quicker and pulled away from him.

“There’s nothing behind that door, Michael.” He says, startling Michael with his intensity, “Nothing that you want or need. You left that room forever ago and you deserve to stay out of it for the rest of your life. You and Liz.”

Michael watched him and his hand dropped back to his side.

Maybe Evan was right. Maybe there was nothing behind that door. Maybe he was just wishing there had been something in that room. It’s like he was closing and opening it in hopes for something new.

“...Thanks.”

“Always available for cutting off shitty family members. I’m incredibly good at it.”

Michael laughed, “... Yeah… you are.”

Evan stood up, “I think that’s enough for now, I don’t know if I forgive you, honestly.”

Michael shrugs, “Eh, that’s not the most of my worries,” He says, “I guess this was something of a test run?”

“If it was, I think it turned out okay.”

When Elizabeth got back, Michael took her aside to talk to her. Evan didn’t listen in, but he knew what they were talking about, and he did indeed see them hug tightly. It wasn’t Evan’s business. He left it alone.

So things weren’t fixed. But they were better. They had wrapped old wounds. Nothing was healed, but they weren’t bleeding anymore, and that was good.

The rest of the day was fun. Elizabeth insisted Michael stayed, but he had to go home eventually, and there was a mutual understanding that he needed some time alone after all that. It was overwhelming, and Evan was definitely done with seeing his family for a bit. They weren’t friends, but it was something.

He watched Michael walk outside, where Jeremy had come to pick him up.

“Hey, Mike?” He called.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming.”

Michael smiled at him, “Thanks for letting me.”

Not forgiveness, and in the end he would always prefer the family he’d made for himself, but otherwise this went well.

That being said, he was never inviting that many people over for Christmas again. He should’ve gotten them together for Thanksgiving instead.

Gregory pulled Evan back inside, “Dude, it’s freezing, come inside.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Gregory looked inside, “This place is a mess. What happened to ‘we can’t make a mess and leave it’?”

Evan laughed.

[luvsfootball]

clubbing - alejandro balde.

requested by - anon.

request - holaaa, could you write something hurt/comfort or just fluffy with alejandro balde??

author’s note - i decided to put all three in the one fic, i hope you don’t mind!!

“get in the car, y/n.”

you ignored alejandro’s voice and carried on walking down the road, determined to get to the nearest bus stop.

“come on, i didn’t mean it.”

ever since you had broken up with your ex boyfriend, your brother had been making you stay with him. pedri was very protective of you, and when alejandro had seen you at a local club, he said he was going to tell pedri.

pedri had told you to not go out partying whilst he was away, but you disobeyed him and went anyway. the last person you expected to see was alejandro.

“you said you were going to tell pedri! that’s why i don’t want to talk to you,” you bit back, still not fully facing him.

you had to admit that it was freezing cold and the sound of a nice warm car was good, but alejandro had really pissed you off.

the sound of his car door slamming alerted you and you turned to see him walking up. “if you’re going to get the bus then i’ll wait with you.”

in your town, the buses came only once every two hours this late at night and there was still another half hour till the next.

“are you crazy? it’s freezing.”

“you’re the crazy one for getting the bus instead of a free lift. come on, you’re drunk and there are creeps around.”

“what, like you?”

he shut up at your response and you both walked in silence towards the bus stop. alejandro’s hands were stuffed in his jacket but when he saw you shivering, he took it off and handed it to you.

you muttered a thanks, so quiet that he barely heard it. alejandro whistled a low tune and you stopped on the path. “if i get in the car, do you promise me that you won’t tell pedri?”

he thought about it for a moment. it would be wrong to not tell his best friend about your late night antics, but he also didn’t want you getting the bus alone so late at night.

“fine, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

+

you hadn’t spoken to alejandro since that night. i mean, why would you? you didn’t really get on with him and the only time you really saw him was at matches or when he’d come around to see pedri, but you were living back at your own house now.

it was match day and you were sat in the family stands whilst watching your brother play. the atmosphere was incredible as you watched the players score goals and it ended 5-1.

back in the dressing room, pedri and alejandro were talking about a get together with the other teammates and pedri suggest his house.

“are you staying at mine tonight?” pedri asked, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you both walked to his car. you shrugged him off, sticking your tongue out at his annoying grip.

“get off, stupid. and yes, i am.”

your house was having work done on it, due to a flood in the bathroom so you were staying at pedri’s for a week.

he loved having you over to stay. he’d miss you a lot when you weren’t around and if you weren’t so stubborn, he’d ask you to live with him.

“well, the boys are coming as well. you don’t have to speak to them though.”

the thought of alejandro being there came to mind and you brushed it away quickly, nodding your head in agreement. “i’m tired anyways.”

+

you ignored the calls that were coming through on your phone, immediately seeing the name and feeling the sudden urge to throw up.

it was your ex-boyfriend. he wasn’t the nicest of guys and had even cheated on you multiple times throughout the relationship.

but since the breakup, he had been persistent in winning you back. and you didn’t like it.

everytime you blocked the number, a new one rang and it just turned into a never-ending cycle.

the feeling of sickness didn’t go down and when you rushed to the bathroom, you flung the toilet lid up and released the sick from your stomach.

after brushing your teeth and getting rid of the smell, you walked back to your room but stopped at the sound of movement in the kitchen.

it was early hours of the morning, so you were confused on who would be awake. “pedri, is that you?”

flickering the lights on, you were stunned at the sight of alejandro downing a bottle of water stood in only his underpants.

“jesus, you scared me!” he whispered, trying not to be loud due to your brother snoring his head off upstairs. “why are you still here?”

“it got late and gavi was my ride but he left while i was topping up my drink,” he shrugged but then stopped drinking to ask his own question. “why are you still awake?”

he wasn’t an idiot. alejandro had heard someone throwing up but assumed it was pedri from being too drunk.

“couldn’t sleep.”

the answer was brief but you didn’t want to confess what had actually woken you up because he’d definitely tell pedri.

but sometimes it was nice to let everything out to someone, even if that someone was alejandro.

“can-can i tell you something? but you can’t tell pedri.”

truthfully, he didn’t know how to feel. he had already brushed over the topic of you going out partying and now you wanted him to keep another secret.

but the look in your eyes made him fold and he gestured to the chairs in the kitchen, both of you taking one.

“my ex won’t leave me alone. he keeps calling me and leaving messages and it’s starting to get to me. but if i tell pedri, he’ll do something stupid.”

the spaniard sighed, leaning into the counter as he thought of the right words to say. he didn’t look happy and you rushed to try and tell him the bright side of things.

“i’ve blocked the numbers multiple times, so i think i’m just going to change my number.”

“that’s not the point though. you shouldn’t feel the need to run and change your life.”

you understood that, you did. his words made you feel a little better and with a soft smile, you thanked him and left the room.

you left him smiling like an idiot at your change of attitude towards him.