#like a total denial of their work and what they're capable of doing

[crab-milk]

i think the worst thing that ai art has done to the art community is actually not the plagiarism and infringement of artist's work but the total denial of people's creativity and constant paranoia of people's work being ai or a derivative of ai generation

[6okuto-moved]

Hi dear I have and idea for touch starved ais and vere.

WHAT IF- what if the reader (MC) is like a single parent?????

Mc's like a mild or dilf or something like that?!

AIS AND VERE WITH A SINGLE PARENT

gn!mc | meow. this (doing old reqs) is my parting gift(?)..

VERE

his ear flicks up when mc mentions their kid for the first time. where are they? why are you here? who's the other parent?

not a guy who spends time around kids. probably not a guy who should spend time around kids /hj what swear words and scary stories will he share...

^ tbf he also gives some solid life advice, even if it's a bit blunt, or something the kid doesn't understand just yet

if mc's kid is witty / snarky he finds them amusing (especially if it's at mc) and easier to be around! whether that's good for mc or not is not up to mc Lmao

it varies depending on mc's relationship with their kid but if mc's kid is grown up, vere is more of his usual self. swearing, analyzing them, taunting them, etc.

vere never thought of himself as a possible father-figure. or even like, a fun uncle. but he likes mc, and despite his complaints or denial, has grown a little fond of their child.

^ possible angst if vere's like, do you really want to be with me? am i the role model you want them to have in their life? i'm chained up for god's sake etc

gets soft/quiet when mc talks to him about their kid. he sees the fondness in their expression, and even if he can't really relate, he can still sympathize

would make a couple pilf...? jokes. sorry. it isn't necessary though. he does enough flirting and innuendos that the pilf(?) thing doesn't come up that often

brings up their kid when mc is about to do something dangerous or stupid, when they succeed at said dangerous or stupid thing, or when their kid also tries doing something dangerous and or stupid. "well it's no surprise who you got your confidence from."

vere questioning mc's parenting tactics LOL. mc is like And what do you know about parenting and vere's like. enough to judge yours. they find common ground eventually

AIS

really doubles down on his warnings about the seaspring when he finds out they're a parent. he doesn't have to know how old, what their relationship is like, etc—he's already asking how much they're willing to risk and telling them to think about their kid

otherwise he doesn't really treat mc differently—they're a grown and capable adult, and being a parent doesn't change or weaken that

ais would pick his pets over hanging out with a kid, but he doesn't give himself enough credit with how well he can get along with one

if mc's kid is old enough that he can play pranks on mc with them. well. he will. mc looks at the both of them and they both shrug like What? it wasn't us? (the kid is grinning and giggling but ais keeps it together for the both of them.)

if there's an opportunity to introduce them to princess / whoever else, he will! like look at this sweet girl, you don't have to be scared. you wanna try getting her to sit and roll around?

babysits if needed, takes them out for the day (if only to keep them away from the seaspring). they get some food and he comes up with exaggerated stories for each shop the kid points out

mc's kid who's old enough for ais to teach them some self defense after they walk in on him taking care of injuries from a bar fight. mc who walks in on them and goes ?!?!?!

mc vents about their parenting troubles, and ais isn't sure if his leadership advice/experience is totally applicable to taking care of a child, but surely some of it is? he tries to help anyway

i can see their kid opening up to ais about things that worry them tbh. he's got that vibe. depending on what it is, ais might suggest to mc something they should do, or try to help himself

similar to vere, he likes mc and their child but he wants them to think about what's best for them—if that includes him in the picture. like yes he'll do his best, but he can't blame them if things don't work out. honestly he might try to cut things off firstdjdjshd

[commodorez]

If the Commodore 64 is great, where is the Commodore 65?

It sits in the pile with the rest of history's pre-production computers that never made it. It's been awhile since I went on a Commodore 65 rant...

The successor to the C64 is the C128, arguably the pinnacle of 8-bit computers. It has 3 modes: native C128 mode with 2MHz 8502, backwards compatible C64 mode, and CP/M mode using a 4MHz Z80. Dual video output in 40-column mode with sprites plus a second output in 80-column mode. Feature-rich BASIC, built in ROM monitor, numpad, 128K of RAM, and of course a SID chip. For 1985, it was one of the last hurrahs of 8-bit computing that wasn't meant to be a budget/bargain bin option.

For the Amiga was taking center stage at Commodore -- the 16-bit age is here! And its initial market performance wasn't great, they were having a hard time selling its advanced capabilities. The Amiga platform took time to really build up momentum square in the face of the rising dominance of the IBM PC compatible. And the Amiga lost (don't tell the hardcore Amiga fanboys, they're still in denial).

However, before Commodore went bankrupt in '94, someone planned and designed another successor to the C64. It was supposed to be backwards compatible with C64, while also evolving on that lineage, moving to a CSG 4510 R3 at 3.54MHz (a fancy CMOS 6502 variant based on a subprocessor out of an Amiga serial port card). 128K of RAM (again) supposedly expandable to 1MB, 256X more colors, higher resolution, integrated 3½" floppy not unlike the 1581. Bitplane modes, DAT modes, Blitter modes -- all stuff that at one time was a big deal for rapid graphics operations, but nothing that an Amiga couldn't already do (if you're a C65 expert who isn't mad at me yet, feel free to correct me here).

The problem is that nobody wanted this.

Sure, Apple had released the IIgs in 1986, but that had both the backwards compatibility of an Apple II and a 16-bit 65C816 processor -- not some half-baked 6502 on gas station pills. Plus, by the time the C65 was in heavy development it was 1991. Way too late for the rapidly evolving landscape of the consumer computer market. It would be cancelled later that same year.

I realize that Commodore was also still selling the C64 well into 1994 when they closed up shop, but that was more of a desperation measure to keep cash flowing, even if it was way behind the curve by that point (remember, when the C64 was new it was a powerful, affordable machine for 1982). It was free money on an established product that was cheap to make, whereas the C65 would have been this new and expensive machine to produce and sell that would have been obsolete from the first day it hit store shelves. Never mind the dismal state of Commodore's marketing team post-Tramiel.

Internally, the guy working on the C65 was someone off in the corner who didn't work well with others while 3rd generation Amiga development was underway. The other engineers didn't have much faith in the idea.

The C65 has acquired a hype of "the machine that totally would have saved Commodore, guise!!!!1!11!!!111" -- saved nothing. If you want better what-if's from Commodore, you need to look to the C900 series UNIX machine, or the CLCD. Unlike those machines which only have a handful of surviving examples (like 3 or 4 CLCDs?), the C65 had several hundred, possibly as many as 2000 pre-production units made and sent out to software development houses. However many got out there, no software appears to have surfaced, and only a handful of complete examples of a C65 have entered the hands of collectors. Meaning if you have one, it's probably buggy and you have no software to run on it. Thus, what experience are you recapturing? Vaporware?

The myth of the C65 and what could have been persists nonetheless. I'm aware of 3 modern projects that have tried to take the throne from the Commodore 64, doing many things that sound similar to the Commodore 65.

The Foenix Retro Systems F256K:

The 8-Bit Guy's Commander X16

The MEGA65 (not my picture)

The last of which is an incredibly faithful open-source visual copy of the C65, where as the other projects are one-off's by dedicated individuals (and when referring to the X16, I don't mean David Murray as he's not the one doing the major design work).

I don't mean to belittle the effort people have put forth into such complicated projects, it's just not what I would have built. In 2019, I had the opportunity to meet the 8-Bit Guy and see the early X16 prototype. I didn't really see the appeal, and neither did David see the appeal of my homebrew, the Cactus.

Build your own computer, build a replica computer. I encourage you to build what you want, it can be a rewarding experience. Just remember that the C65 was probably never going to dig Commodore out of the financial hole they had dug for themselves.

[officeobject]

Having a squish on a 30 year old while being aroace and significantly younger, starter pack:

Trying to convince yourself and the reader that this is totally a thing and all, and not just basically an oddly specific platonically-hormoned you-vent

On one hand not wanting to be rude, on the other hand is your holy book as you pray they're not getting kids and/or lovers (if you don't know if they have any or if they outright have none

Daring people to invalidate you - like, YES, he is significantly older than me, AND?!

Wondering if it's worse when it's someone "of the opposite sex"

"He's like one trillion, four billion, 10 million, 3 minions, and one hundred and one years older than you!"

If you talk together, there's a 99% chance that they'll be like "and you don't have a crush on me, right?", casually

"I might be a curious - what's your credit card, actually?"

You unironically want their money, nepotism, or something like that, for some reason - like you genuinely care, but also, give job please

You LOVE offices (you know nothing about offices)

"Yeah, I've watched all seasons of friends ;)"

"I know how rotary phones work ;)" (You think you have now achieved The Relatable)

Hoping and trying not to seem like you have a crush

"Daaaaaaamn, those eyebags 😏" (you quite frankly don't know why the f you even like 30 year olds either)

Everything is normal with you and adults, so there is no particular reason that you like - okay, maybe your relationship with your peers as a whole is more shit than diarhea, BUT THAT'S FINE!

You're gonna end up making a shitty joke within the first 10 minutes of talking, man 😐

Staring at their body, not because of sexual attraction, but because pretty and cuddly, and - OH MY GOD THEY JUST COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR BACK-PROBLEMS, I LOVE 30 YEAR OLDS!

30 year olds are messes and you know that and love that

"WHY WON'T THEY BE FRIENDS WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE?!" - you when literally being a 10 year old

In denial of them having any sexual feelings whatsoever or of being capable of it (kinda gets ruined when they have bio-kids or tell you not to go to their Fanfiction.net because there's smut stories)'

People thinking you have a crush on them

You wanna be close and just have them tower over you

If they ever write to you that they're off to work or something, you think you've become super close friends

Obedient rule-follower (and snitch in regards to anyone you don't like)

You got along with the teachers!

You probably need to get diagnosed

Trying to ask them if they're alone on Valentines Day too and stuff but you need months to write THAT script, man ...

Them having boundaries and all

You worrying often of the potential consequences if you became friends

"Mama, no offense, but how do I get adopted by him?" (you don't even want them as a parent - might be repulsed by that, you're just desparate)

Planning to move as close as possible to that person (you later realize how creepy but well-intentioned, that idea is)

Being aroace while they're most likely not makes you feel even MORE like a child (bonus points if they end up invalidating you)

Ending up phrasing things weirdly

You're probably seen as just some cute kid

"You're so mature for your age!" "Thanks! Also, what was the problem you were dealing with?" "You're too young to know" - type of moments

People saying to get friends your age and how impossible your goal is

Trying to figure out how to platonically "rizz" up an adult without them misinterpreting

Wanting to just watch them work

Your mom is concerned

If you're posic, you probably end up meeting/seeing mostly objects that are 30

I don't know if I should make a part 2 or something. Also, it's tagged with the Manifique Gerald tag because he's inspired by several squishes - real and fictional - he's quite the combination with quite the story, as well.

[rin-and-jade]

Any advice on accepting alters as me/a part of me?

I generally understand that alters are my alternate identities but I've had some alters reject this idea, stating they are their own person and that they're independent from who I am. While I understand their point, I'm unsure if I should be treating myself like multiple people since that's not really what's going on, more so just how having dissociative barriers makes us feel.

I've had this issue myself and im very much capable of giving you three alternative answers!

See which works for you okay? If all three methods don't seem to work at all, then you're free to tweak or even tailor the idea that fits your needs--this all are my own suggestions and pov's that has been collected. (Because BOY. Some are fussy, so i have numerous variations up my sleeve)

Learn how CDD works: By making sure everyone knows the basic on how a system functions, it makes sure that they're on the same page to understand the message of "different yet one" easier. I've seen alot refuse to, and consider themselves totally different people due to denial or find comfort from self-detaching. This silently has a bonus issue where a foundation of acceptance or understanding needs to be established first.

Respect their views: Well, because the idea of convincing or educating a view can be counterproductive, some people see things in a different angle,, as how the person from the north sees a 9, and the person from the south sees a 6,, neither are wrong, they are different, but what view they're holding isn't fully wrong either. This option is about coexisting with different beliefs.

Two can still be true: This all depends on how one percieves something as same or different, if they perceive that a person's varied mood creates a different impression but still is the same person they know of, this can be applied here too. You can be different but whole, there are no tug of wars such as "the right answer is we're always one and indifferent" or "wrong, we have total differences between each other, this separatedness is the truth" (take notes that alters can actually overlap each other in terms or personality or preferences or etc) since the nuance lies within a holistic perspective,, rather than a piece of fact.

It's true that amnesia and dissociative barriers can cause this problem, so doing more syscovery will help too.

I hope that covers it, and my apologies for extending my time guarantee for advices, but i wish you luck on this!

- j

[omnium-gatherums]

did anything in particular help u get over denial bc u don’t know much abt your alters? I feel like a silly to think I could have this disorder bc I’m very clueless

Hmm... Other than my diagnosis and generally teaching myself, I'm not entirely sure.

Note here when I say "you" in this post, I'm not directing this at you, Anon, specifically!

Mostly just a lot of research. Like so much research. Please, PLEASE do research - actual research - if and when you can, even if you have to find audiobooks or find alternative ways to research, as long as you are not solely getting your information from social media! Including me man! Do your own research! I am a human being too and I am capable of being wrong! I would LOVE to share places where I research, how I research, etc. if anyone is interested in a post like that.

Talking to other systems, being in (...good..) system spaces, and learning about other systems' experiences, both different and similar to my own. You can browse blog pages, forum posts, Reddit, Tumblr, read books, watch short films made by people with DID/OSDD, find other YouTubers to watch, etc. I can also share a post about some stuff I recommend, like Forums and Reddit posts and blogs.

Throw out OSDD versus DID. I'm so serious. I think some people who question DID/OSDD have treated questioning it like way too seriously and I kinda just wanna go. Who cares man. If you suspect you have DID or OSDD, who cares, just say you suspect DID or OSDD. You. Don't need to narrow it down to one, I promise you it doesn't matter as much as the internet acts like it does. I think the DID criteria could do with changing and to be less restrictive in order to include a wider variety of presentations and experiences. At the end of the day, when somebody says they're an OSDD system, this means SO many different things for SO many different people. You ask one person with OSDD what that means for them and they might have a totally different answer than someone else with OSDD. I just think people should learn to be okay with saying "I suspect DID/OSDD, I don't know which" more often instead of attempting to figure out which one they have. The reason it's so confusing is because OSDD doesn't have criteria. It doesn't have criteria for you to meet and the internet makes shit up about OSDD, so you get fed misinformation about it and things don't add up and don't make sense because it's misinformation. So just throw this out and learn to be okay with not knowing whether it's DID or OSDD. It's okay. You don't have to narrow it down. Relax NFDKJASKD

Tips:

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ANYTHING THAT YOU READ ABOUT DID/OSDD ONLINE THAT YOU FOUND HELPFUL - SAVE IT SOMEWHERE! I promise you will want to look back at them and read them over and over again several times and each time you do, you will realize things you hadn't before. So often, I've gone back and read research papers that I've read in the past, or books, etc. and found that I understood them much better, that they made me realize a lot more about myself, etc. than the first time I read them. Or the second time, or the third time, etc.

Lots and lots of journaling, even if you think it's useless/pointless, even if you think it's unhelpful, even if you don't understand the point. I did not understand how journaling would help me figure out my alters because I was expecting myself to magically find something written there like the next day with no memory of it, and it. Does not fuckign work that way LMFAO at least not for most people. I was expecting the wrong thing, I was assuming that that was the indicators of switching I was looking for, that I was supposed to communicate to my alters in that way, but I knew that that wasn't an experience I would have, and I obviously didn't experience it, so I didn't understand the point. It soon became clear how wrong I was NFKSDNFJKADNKJDASF

It's okay to be ""cringe."" It's okay to be ""weird."" Let yourself be weird as Hell. Let yourselves be "cringey." It's okay. Be free. NFDJFNKDSA

Allow your experiences to Just Be. You don't have to figure out if that experience was a switch right now, you don't have to figure out if that voice you heard was Truly An Alter right now, I just mean that you don't have to overthink it and you can allow your experiences to simply happen and then analyze them later. It's okay. Even if they are weird, even if they are cringey, even if they're embarrassing. I mean, so long as no-one is harmed, but even in that case, it's okay to put safety measures into place, or find alternatives, find coping skills, or if something harmful has already happened, to attempt to mend it, and analyze things later, etc. Things will come to you as long as you let them, but you won't be able to figure things out if you refuse to allow experiences to simply happen instead of overthinking it, like I used to do where I constantly just felt like "but that's not truly an alter, so-" and just refused to let things Just Happen.

Most importantly: take your time. seriously. this is a process that can - unfortunately - agonizingly take several years. but the pay-off is worth it and when you start to feel that denial lessen, you will look back and feel as if no time as passed (or is that the dissociation NFJDASNFK

I think that's about everything I can think of so far!

[fmkkennedy]

TYR/KENNI NSFW MEME LETS GOOO

who is the more dominant one? the more submissive? tyr is more dominant, by far lmao. they have a pretty rock solid dom/sub relationship, i'm ngl. it's far beyond just a sexual relationship at that, but they're also people who are willing to try and switch the roles if it's necessary. kennedy has been the more dominant one a handful of times while with tyr because it kinda just... demanded it. they fall into their roles very naturally, and the other just works with that perfectly and without a second thought.

who is more vocal? is one a “screamer”? has the other ever had to cover their mouths during? kennedy screams and begs and moans and pleads and and and and -- tyr is just filthy with his mouth, and it's one of the things that kennedy can't get enough of. like, she's genuinely so disappointed when they have quickies in the ONE sense that 1: she can't be as loud as she wants to be more often than not, which is what requires the quickie, and 2: tyr can't say the most profane and disgusting shit in her ear. dude's mouth and the things he says gets a consistent orgasm outta her, istg.

how do they feel about public intimacy, on all levels? what levels of pda is acceptable? would/have they had sex in public places before? kennedy would have sex with tyr on a table in front of half of her co-workers, if she wasn't worried about obtaining all of their consent, as well. like, she's gross. she's so desperately and insanely in love with this man that she's constantly touching him whenever she can. it can be something as simple and sweet as holding hands, or it could be her dragging him into a closet to give him a quick blowie for the gag, because she will gag, iykwim. they're always touching. almost always.

is one member of the relationship more sexually driven? if so, who?  neither is more sexually driven than the other, i think. they're both very uh, healthy and hungry with their appetites. it can flip flop on days that one is more demanding than the other, but they're both so insanely attracted to each other that it's kind of just a Constant in any and all acceptable situations. they're capable of being mature and not totally horny teenagers, ofc, but they're worse than camp counselors at camp crystal lake, istg.

who tends to initiate sex? it can flip. kennedy asks for it a lot more now than what she originally used to, because she's finally accepted it doesn't make her a certain type of person or Being. but again, they're borderline obsessed with each other -- they're always touching, they're always doing something, and someone just pulls the trigger for the next step.

who made the first move? kennedy swung into tyr's dms first, but tyr is the first one to ever make a physical move, and it was Incredibly Sweet. they met through lux, and lux assumed that tyr wasn't going to be the one to push it because in her words "idk he's a sad emo kid, they do the whole 'stand in the corner awkwardly' thing... i know because i'm a sad emo kid, kennedy, have you not --" tyr asked for permission to kiss her for the first time. it tugged on kennedy's heartstrings a little.

what’s the kinkiest thing your ship has done as a couple? it's probably something relating to blood play. don't get me wrong, they've done a lot, but they're both Massively into it. they're both very into knives, as well, and she's how you say... horny for murder, in the non-literal sense. like don't actually murder someone. but there's been a lot of consensual blood spilled between the two of them. and there will be a lot more.

what are some mutual kinks that they share? blood play, knife play, somnophilia, orgasm denial/orgasm overload nonsense, impact play, bdsm, blasphemy, fear play, asphyxiation, they're both obsessed with marking each other up for everyone (and no one) to see, they've made plenty of Videos and have so many pictures of one another in certain predicaments, it's a Lot.

is there anything they’ve tried as a couple that they didn’t like? they're pretty upfront with things they think they might not like. tyr's not into electric play stuff, but kennedy is willing to wear a shock collar because she thinks it's degrading and super hot.

does anyone in the relationship have any genital piercings? does anyone want to have some? if so, what? no, but kennedy wouldn't MIND having some genital piercings, herself. especially since she's convinced she'll never be able to get pregnant, why not get her clit pierced? minus, like, the healing time and the fact she can't get laid for awhile and and and -- but if it was instantaneous healing? absolutely. she'd get so much pierced. she also wants to recreate That Scene from the Sweetest Thing.

how often do they have sex or perform any sexual acts on one another? it's constant. they're very attentive, wonderful parents who always make sure that the toddlers are entertained and engaged and all these wonderful things, but when they have their alone time together-- when the kids are sleeping or are with family members-- then they're all over each other. that bitch would choke on his cock 49 hours a day, if she could.

how long did they wait to have sex after knowing each other? ... they didn't really "wait." there wasn't really anything like waiting. it was pretty instant. 😐 lux told that girl to go get him, and get him, she did.

does one prefer to give oral? receive it? they're both obsessed with being on both sides of it. 😂 their mouths could be permanently attached to one another and it still might not be enough. giving each other oral is like a religious experience and they’re very devout.

when they’re away from one another, do they still find ways to be intimate? if so, how? is it video chats, sexting, etc.? all of the above. a lot of FaceTime calls where some mutual masturbation takes place, tyr insistent on guiding her to like 5 orgasms because he’s a menace. lots of naked pictures and videos for when they’re too busy to sit down for a video call. sexting oodles, sending just absolutely explicit videos and posts and things to one another.

how do they feel about the idea of bringing another person into it, even just for fun? are they a couple who can share? is there any desire for polyamory? they would. they haven’t had a third person involved, but there has been an interest in it someday. the idea of sharing Tyr with someone she finds wicked hot is Wicked Hot. there’s no real “desire” for polyamory, no, but I also wouldn’t put it past them down the line to have such an open and honest relationship even if they’re nothing short of obsessed with one another.

how do they feel about toys in the bedroom? do they use them? are there some they’ve expressed an interest in using? good. green flag. They use nearly anything you can think of, and they’re still actively buying and trying things as they come out or come across their radar. One of the things they video chat with is a toy he can control from a long distance and it turns her into a possession victim. they use vibrators and dildos and cuffs and rope and paddles and and and —

are they sexually satisfied with one another? yes lmao. incredibly so. I don’t think many other people could satisfy the others needs and wants as much as they do for one another. they are truly the perfect couple in they’re what the other needs, pretty much always? it’s wonderful. good for them.

[lesbianwyllravengard]

For that Simarkus Medieval AU (no I'm not obsessed even though it's not written yet, wtf that would be weird, anyway) could we get some minor Gavin annoying Connor and just generally being Gavin in the background?

Like I'm a Knight too but I'm more experienced, you're just a newbie, so I should have this n°1 priority case of finding the rebels, go make me a coffee, also your just-a-bit-taller-than-me brother with the soft looking hair and the beautiful blue eyes that's in the King's special protection unit is really ugly and I hate you both

This needs to be a multi chapter novel size fic please I beg you 🙏

HELPDJFLDNF THIS IS PERFECT

I'd totally write this into a series if I could just get other things written

"your brother with the soft looking hair and the beautiful eyes is really ugly and I hate you both" is so fucking funny and so Gavin, thank you for that

But yes I could definitely see it like, instead of androids taking over jobs, the new tyrannical rulers brought their own kingdom with them when they took over the throne, so there's all these new villagers that are from this other Bad Kingdom and are basically being allowed whatever jobs they like because the rulers ofc prefer their own people. So Connor and Nines were from the "bad" kingdom, both given high ranking roles within the Palace guard, Nines being one of the new ruler's personal guard, and so Gavin is pissed because he was part of the old kingdom and had to work his way up to becomming a Knight, but damn if the head of the personal guard ain't pretty.

Hank taking Connor and Nines under his wing because, while he's pissed with the new ruler taking over, he sees how lost the boys are and how they remind him of his son (ima make Cole alive in this bc I CAN) so he can't help the paternal instinct of looking out for them.

Also, neither Gavin nor Elijah know they're related, and since Kamski was overthrown they never saw each other. Until later....

With the androids = people from the new kingdom analogy we could also say that the Jericrew gang were once loyal subjects who soon saw the tyranny of their rulers and vowed to end their reign, and wanted Markus - a member of the old kingdom - to not just join them but also rule someday, as he could bridge the gap and also they see how capable he is as a leader, and how compassionate he is for the people. When Connor is sent to arrest Markus, Markus manages to convince him that the rulers are corrupt and evil and need to be overthrown. Nines is a bit tougher to convince, but once Connor goes he follows. Gavin is... Gavin. I don't think he'd believe anything they said unless he experienced himself, or maybe even then he'd be in denial. But once Hierico manages to overthrow the dictators, he's quickly motivated to change sides lol.

I want some Leo redemption too, so I'll throw in that since Leo knew Markus best he was hired to tell them everything he knows about Markus, where he would go, what he could do, etc. And at some point along the way, plus after seeing how they treated Markus and how upset it made their dad, Leo decides he's not gonna help them, so he tells them complete lies, insists that Markus is too flighty and scared to stage a coup against the royal family, that kind of thing. And he conveniently leaves out that Markus was an amazing blacksmith, instead saying that his sabotage was actually just his failure at crafting the weapons. When Leo and Markus meet up again at the end of it all, Leo apologises and expects Markus to hate him, but Markus forgives him, accepting Leo as his family, and Leo says "I'm... I'm proud, to be your brother."

[austajunk]

(Heyo, I hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts in your inbox. I just think you're cool and have good opinions, so here I am.)

OK, so I love Komahinanami as an OT3. As friends, or romantically, or whatever. I just love them a lot.

What I reeeeally don't like about it, though, is (some of) the fans' portrayal of it. For some people, it's never Komahinanami as a three-way relationship, with them all caring for and loving each other equally.

It's either Komahina with Chiaki just "added on", or it's Hinanami with Nagito just "added on", or it's Komahina + Hinanami with no interaction between Nagito and Chiaki at all.

(Like... where's the Komanami love?)

And if they do interact, then it's almost always negative. Chiaki's made out to be the girl who Nagito hates more than anything else, the girl who gets in the way of Komahina. And Nagito's made out to be this jealous, possessive asshole who is disgusted by Chiaki and only cares about Hajime. Which is just 1) not true to the characters at all, and 2) really confusing to me, because I don't know where it comes from other than just projection.

People do realise that Nagito never showed one single hint of either hatred towards Chiaki or posessiveness towards Hajime, right? I don't know where this whole "Nagito hates Chiaki, is jealous of her, and wanted to kill her for the sake of Hajime" thing comes from. Maybe it's just some fans' projection, but... it's just not canon, and it's not part of Nagito's character at all.

And Hajime isn't the only person who Nagito is capable of caring about or developing a positive relationship with. Let him have friends and people he cares about other than Hajime, even if you only ship Komahina.

Bottom line: I love Nagito, Chiaki and Hajime, I love fan works where they interact, and I love it when they're actually in character, and not made totally OOC to satisfy fans' bad character interpretations and hatred of female characters.

(Sorry again about the inbox rant - just wanted to share my thoughts!)

Hooo boi. Hoooo boi. Oh anon, you just tackled one of my biggest pet peeves of this fandom right to its core. Also thanks for saying I’m cool. :3

Firstly, the denial of the Komanami side of KomaHinaNami, but honestly… that I could deal with. This is why I focus on a lot of the KomaNami side of things on my blog but I don’t mind so much the “Hajime has two hands” side of this ship because usually from what I’ve seen, people have Chiaki be Nagito’s best friend or wing lady with Hajime and he appreciates and adores her and confides in her about Hajime and shares Hajime with her and all three are happy. Like.. in a way, that’s still ultra pippity poppity cute!

But yeah, the KomaHina fans who like to portray Chiaki as just the girl who is in the way of their relationship, as if Nagito hates or is jealous of Chiaki… no, just no. It has never once been like that! Before he really got to know Hajime, Chiaki was the only person who accepted and tried to understand Nagito. She was kind to him and he seemed to appreciate her in turn, insisting that her being their class rep made her their biggest light of Hope. He even pleads with her not to take on Junko, that he knew they were no chance against them but believes in Chiaki anyways and is devastated to the point of breaking down and sobbing at her death. Of course, he twists things and beseeches Chiaki’s name, insisting that she can lift them up with her death… but only because he’s coping. In his own world in the Neo World Program, she is missing because the memory of her (and Hajime) hurt him so much that he had to block it out. His desire to see her along with the rest of the class brings her back to them as an AI that leads them all back to the right path.

As for the idea that Nagito is jealous of Chiaki… I think they get that from one scene in DR2 where Chiaki says she’s gonna go find Fuyuhiko in Chapter 2 to question him. She leaves and Hajime is irked about being left alone with Nagito, to which Nagito is like “Oh I’m sorry! You wanted her to stay?!” Honestly… people seem to ignore that before Chiaki left, Nagito expressed concern about her questioning Fuyuhiko and told her to not let him “get rough” with her. So… Nagito clearly cares. Out of everyone (including Hajime) in the main storyline, Nagito openly praises Chiaki and her talents the most. He will also politely oblige her and be quiet when she asks while he does not for anyone else. Also the thing is… Nagito is pretty protective of Chiaki. In Chapter 4, when Chiaki gets overwhelmed by Nagito being clingy, she runs away from him only for him to appear behind her five minutes later and urging her to remember that she could get hurt on her own and that she shouldn’t have run off.

More to the point, let’s pretend Chiaki and Nagito were like… rivals for Hajime’s affection like Chisa and Juzo were. That they directly mirror them (they don’t as much as we think). Even Juzo and Chisa loved and appreciated each other platonically. They were incredibly important to each other in this show while being in love with the same person. In the mangas furthermore, we have these scenes (So tell me, tell me to my face that Chiaki is the girl that Nagito somehow hates, that he never cared for her beyond a romantic rival. Just tell me. And yes yes I know the mangas are secondary canon, but when like two or three of them show all these moments of Chiaki and Nagito supporting each other, come the fuck on. I stand by that it enriches our current canon.):

[azenta]

I think the reason your 3 fix typing doesnt make sense bc u said you feel unique already and don't have to prove anything is because 3 fixes don't think this way about themselves. 3 fixes feel they're not worthy unless they're achieving something. they have trouble understanding they're unique because they're worthy human beings and should stop trying to prove something. you may be a very healthy person who has learned self love but it takes years for 3 fixes to accept they're unique and worthy

u said you feel unique already and don't have to prove anything

I try to prove myself constantly to a point it's really dumb of me. I don't remember if I said I never felt like proving anything, but I can tell you if I did it's because I am conscious it's useless and more harmful to want to prove myself, but can't acknowledge I do so because I need to be "irreprochable". So, what I do doesnt match what I should be, thus a beautiful almighty Denial mechanism from me there.

Tho, I said I dont need to prove that I am unique, and this is true, I dont try to prove that i am unique. However, i don't claim i am unique in the sense that i am SO SPWECIAL compared to others, because I am aware that not only me but everyone else is unique. Claiming you are unique is not a 4 statement in itself anyway, like wtf. Needing to feel unique is a basic human need. We all need to feel we have something separating us from others, and all the need to also feel we are not alone and not TOO different either. However, 4s/fix developed a fear around that need, and fight the feeling(/belief) of being so normal that they are obsolete and totally unworthy of almost living. Or they have felt so different that they understood from it that it was problematic about them, and decided to embrace it as a counterphobic measure (thus their self deprecating annoying discourse). "Fuck yeah i am different, while all of you losers are just some sheeple without personality" or "i know i suck but at least i have a personality" is some 4 catchphrase i have heard unironically many times when they were on a reactive strike.  

3 fixes feel they're not worthy unless they're achieving something.

True. They seek being competent and capable, and do so by achieving things they deem are valuable (Je and IVs dependent).

They have trouble understanding they're unique

This is 4s, not 3s. 3s dont care about unicity on its own unless their unicity is an asset to make them do better and achieve excellence (3w4). Their unicity is a tool to stand out and be noticed for their greatness.

3s are cp like 4s, so they go and act against their inner belief of worthlessness. Both 3s (<< 3w4) and 4s ( << 4w3) pretend to be either better(3) or more unique(4) than they are. Both fear being bland and ordinary, of being a nobody. But 4s want to be acknowledged for how "unique they are" as a person, how them as an individual stands out and matter, while 3s want to be acknowledged for their "achievements and successes", for their excellence and Competency TM. 4s want recognition for their traits, for their personality itself, with their flaws and qualities (4w5 > 4w3), while 3s want recognition for their doing, they want to create an image of success, of something greater than they feel they are, that would make up for their flaws (3w2 > 3w4). 4s embrace their identities, 3s reject it ; until of course they become healthier and 4s learn that their flaws can be worked upon without losing authenticity (improvement -> 1) and 3s that their flaws are alright, that they don't need to prove others, the world even, that they do good despite their flaws, and that others are here to help, not to deter them from it because they are too worthless ( -> 6). 

You'd be righter to say 3w4 can feel more threatened on their uncity and have some cp reaction more so than their 3w2 counterparts, but 3w4 are less likely to feel attacked on unicity itself (vs 4w3) as they know they are ready to bend part of their identities to achieve whatever they want to and therefore know the limit of their unicity, and authenticity especially. 4s do not bend their identities, 4w3s will show off the part that makes them feel the most unique, but they won't by any mean hide any part of it. They want all their whole self to be acknowledged. 3s doesnt want you to know their shitty part, 3w4s are aware of those shitty flaws and will only present them if it makes them look better, ironically.

But still, 3w4s are likely to brush away anyone telling them they are a fake bitch because *cp voice* "I am better than you, and your opinion has no value, inSigINficAnt fOoL". In other words, attacking their unicity is more a low threat to their "excellence" and that's why they'll react, so not because of being fake, but more because fake = you suck, and 3s "do NOT suck", they are "the best". 

And well, if I retyped as a 3w4 fix I'll let you guess which fear and beliefs I noticed the most in me.

you may be a very healthy person who has learned self love but it takes years for 3 fixes to accept they're unique and worthy

It's been years. But of course, i still have a lot to do or else i wouldn't be on a burnout. Self-work is never completed, it's a work you have to do all your life. Still, it's my last fix, and with the amount of therapist apointment + my job that still also offers me apointments to take care of myself (not just offered to me tho), i can tell you it's not my last fix that is causing me the most problems in my life until now. Even i'd say, it's the one the least problematic and that caused me trouble only when i reach my limits and meet unhealthier levels. It's in part because of that burnout that i had to notice the image i tried to protect really wasn't about unicity, it was also about competency, about how much i was reliable and the best at what i master (x 1 x 5 influence here). "Look how much i fucking stand out because of how good i am" is the image i wanted to reflect.

I dont mind if you arent convinced that I am a 3 fix, and you are more than welcome to object yourself and argue furthermore if you want. I kinda like to explain stuff a bit too much, and the frustration to be doubted fuels me of motivation and energy, ironically.

[stubert87]

I've spent some time wondering if coming back here to write something was too self indulgent at a time like this. But I'm going to start writing and if you're reading it then I got to the end, thought it was ok, and posted it.

I think it's fair to say that the nation's mental health, as a whole, is in somewhat of a state of flux at the minute. Our life as we have come to know it has been entirely disrupted, albeit temporarily. I've come back to this space to share some of my musings and offer support to anyone who's mental well-being has been affected since the threat of coronavirus has appeared. For many of us this may just be the most recent trigger in a series of major episodes of anxiety, low mood, etc. For others this may be the first experience of anxiety or any form of negative mental health. I hope this makes sense. Maybe even some of it may resonate.

I'm more than familiar with how isolated our thoughts can make us feel when we're in the midst of a low point. Add to that the very literal isolation that has been placed upon us through social distancing measures, and we have the recipe for a mental health crisis. But it isn't as bad as it sounds. In every new scenario and environment there is opportunity. We just have to be willing to see past the fear, and seize it.

There are some of us adept at change. There are some of us that aren't. I most certainly am not. I'm analytical and need order. I need time to digest my new environment, figure out how to exist within it, and then consciously marry up my strengths to this new situation, while guarding my vulnerabilities, until I establish a comfort zone. For those of us who aren't as fast paced as others when dealing with change, the entire situation is a wall of anxiety that seems insurmountable. We are paralysed by the overwhelming barrage of "what ifs" leading to "I can'ts" that lead to "I'm a failure" and there we have ourselves back on the edge of The Abyss, thinking that this is no way to live and pleading with the universe to make tomorrow better.

The insurmountable wall right now is made up of a combination of catastrophic thoughts that has the potential to cripple us. From worrying about the health of ourselves, our friends and families, to worrying how long this will last, and when we can see each other again, each question is a potential doorway to a 'corridor of catastrophising'. It's very easy to end up at very scary and upsetting conclusions, such as "I'm never going to see xyz again" or "I'm next". Very dark thoughts in an already dark time.

The process of breaking the cycle of worry is a lot greater than anything I can outline in this blog. There's a reason that forms of therapy last many sessions. But I'll try to pass on a few tips that have helped me over the years.

I like to think there's two places you can tackle your worry. If we use the analogy of the 'corridor of catastrophising', the door you walk through and into the corridor is the initial worry, the end of the corridor is the final conclusion you reach: a dead end is a total overwhelming negative thought, taking another door out of the corridor is us reaching a better conclusion.

The first way you can try to tackle your worry is at the start, by nipping it in the bud. When you open the door and see that "what if" worry, you can ask yourself is this normal worry, or excessive worry. If what you're thinking is something like "I'm worried about the wellbeing of my grandparents because they're vulnerable and isolating for 12 weeks" then this is a perfectly normal worry. Any human being would think this. You then need to make sure you follow up this thought with positive action and find one way to make the situation better. Using the grandparents example, can you set them up with video calling? Can you send them voice notes? Can you get them involved in distanced activities like a video chat quiz or look for events to take part in like the virtual grand national? Taking positive action will help remove the mental isolation and bring about a positive shift in mindset. And much like a negative mindset can spiral, a positive mindset can also gain momentum.

For some of us though this may be to little too late. We might have already walked down the dark corridor to it's gloomy and seemingly absolute end. And also for anyone who hasn't had to work at challenging their thought processes before, simply trying to nip it in the bud is a a lot to get to grips with straight away, and you could actually end up in a strange state of denial where you're pushing the thought away, only for it to come back with a vengeance. So we have to look at reframing our negative thoughts to help us back track and take another turn off the corridor.

The idea is to challenge the thought by asking yourself can I bring any evidence to back that thought up? Can I prove without any shadow of doubt that the thought I have is true? Using the example of grandparents again, it's easy to bring in evidence like "they're old and therefore high risk", "there's already been thousands of deaths". These are natural worries, but they're not concrete evidence to support a worst case scenario. If we try re-framing our thoughts more positively then the thoughts become less consuming and therefore allow us to think more rationally. "They're vulnerable" - correct, but they're shielding for 12 weeks in isolation to ensure the chances of infection are minimal. "There's already been thousands of deaths" - could be challenged by "yes but there's also plenty of cases of recovery and also so many that haven't been infected or shown symptoms. As long as we're all doing our part to stop the spread, we reduce the risk".

By challenging each negative thought we give ourselves chance to minimise their detrimental impact and make them more manageable and easy to digest. It takes a lot of practice but eventually you get quicker at managing these thoughts and you're quickly volleying them away before they can take hold.

Another problem many of us are now facing is the concept of managing our time in isolation so we're not climbing the walls. Not an easy task at all, but one the more analytical of us may find a bit easier. Iregardless it will take practice. It's easy to fall into bad habits when we have too much time to kill. For some of us we'll naturally fall into good habits because we're disciplined. For others amongst us structure and good routine maybe don't come so naturally. The best way to ensure we're getting the most out of our day is to spend up to a week documenting your activities and the mood you experienced while doing it, correlating what our mood was like to the activity and looking for patterns in the day to day, so that we can then start planning more activities that elevate our mood whilst balancing our necessary tasks that may not bring us so much comfort or joy. Sounds simple on paper but I can definitely attest to the fact that challenging your own behaviour and embedding change is never easy.

There are also so many of us who have anxious brains who've suddenly found that we're calmer than usual. That people around us seem more anxious than we are. It's an interesting phenomenon that I've recently found myself in and mused over this somewhat. Having pondered on it a while, I can only draw the conclusion that my mind is used to living in a state of abstract worry. By that I mean I'm worrying about what MIGHT happen, or rumenating on an incident that happened a week ago. None of this worry is in the present. And when you're suffering from a period of mental ill-health it feels almost possible to be present, grounded, and in the moment. But in this pandemic lies a very real, very present threat. One that means our lives are changing by the day. A threat that is very much making us exist in the present. Anyone who's ever been stuck in the rut if anxious thinking knows that when you snap out of it into the present moment, you're capable of thinking and rationalising and lightning speed. So if you're one of us who's found yourself much calmer than ever, make sure you're continuing to keep those positive actions going to build a positive resilience. Think about what you can do to help friends, family, colleagues and your community to keep us all afloat. Sometimes the people who've experienced the darkest of thoughts are the ones who can bring light to others dark times. If this is you, now's your time to shine.

The final key to it all is my age old advice. KEEP TALKING. The second you feel in a slump, pick up the phone and call someone. Video call them. Start a House Party. Never impose further isolation on yourself by withdrawing. On the opposite side, if you haven't heard from someone in a while then call them. Make whatever plans you can in this difficult time.

I think I've meandered on long enough. If you've made it this far, thank you. If you've found any of this thought provoking or even helpful please let me know. I've attached a link to some further reading on covid-19 and anxiety (if you have any reading left in you) I think it's pretty useful