#like actually it was really boring which is insane to say about the fuckin insane clown posse

[justagaycryptid]

I don't get a spotify wrapped bc I simply do not use spotify due to the fact that the frequent ads make me want to swallow teeth but anyways even if I did I would share my results with no shame bc my taste in music is flawless actually <- borderline unlistenable

[screampied]

deep, slow fucking with toji is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen

Like, I just know that man grins when we roll our eyes back

oh good now you've got me writing

ahem:

His hands caressing the curve of your back are most likely the only thing keeping you grounded. That, and how his dick is slowly, oh so deliciously massaging your insides. Mouth tipped open, your eyes flutter shut when he lands a gentle and soft kiss to where your pulse is going insane under his warmth. His gentle, yet lustful eyes, boring into where yours are too shy to meet his, and his other hand, which busies itself playing with your clit.

You can't even moan at this point: fucked too silly to let out anything other than slurred out babbles about how good it felt and some rare shaky breaths. He'd only hum along, chuckling quietly at your sudden gasp of his name. "Hmm.. yeah, mama, you're feeling so good, aren't you, sweetheart? Yeah? Sound so pretty for me, darling." His hand, that gave up on your back and went to your face, holding your chin and tipping your head so your eyes meet.

At some point, his thrusts ease into just grinds of his hips against yours. To make sure he's paying attention to your pretty little clit without having to occupy his hands. With both free, he interlaces his fingers with yours, his other hand caressing your face as you let out a really lewd, loud cry, before falling quiet again, returning to your whimpers. "Right there? Yeah? You look so beautiful, love. So good 'round my cock, too... Ya like this?" He whispers, kissing the corner of your lips...which are drooling.

Fucked silly? Yeah. "Toji... fuck, gonna cum again-" You say, voice slurred and low, almost unintelligible. He knows your body like the back of his hand, or maybe even better, so he maintains his pace. He opts to kiss at the corner of your eyes, and when they meet his? You might just die. Those dark, lustful pools staring right back at you, and then you're cumming.

You could've sworn he took you to the moon and back, with how you suddenly became real fucking vocal, almost screaming out his name. His lips find yours, and he can almost feel the vibrations of your voice against his tongue. "Cum. That's it. Fuck, I'm cumming too, darling. You're so good for me, it's- hah, fuck-"

That's it tiny writing moment gone

Ofc, it ends with a creampie

-🎀💀

oh you ate this i fear. let me find out ur a writerrrr 👴🏽☝🏽

deep slow fuckin w daddy toji :(((( so sensual yet deep, i bet his strokes gets sloppy overtime. lovesssss to do missionary for the eye contact, wrapping a hand around your pretty throat, telling you how dirty you are while showering a few praises here n there.

TOJI CALLING READER MAMA WILL ALWAYS GET ME. he’s so sexy i can’t breathe today actually. he’d def make u stare into his eyes right when ur ab to cum, makes fun of ur facial expressions n everything like he’s so MEAN.

ur right 💔 (always use protection sexies) but condoms don’t exist for that man 💔💔💔 our legs r gonna be pouring w cum when he finishes tbh. need him so bad my stomach is in KNOTS

[sarcasticsra]

I cannot stress enough how much everyone should watch Starkid’s A VHS Christmas Carol if you haven’t seen it yet. It’s pretty short, only about 45 minutes, and it’s truly one of the best adaptations of A Christmas Carol that I’ve ever seen.

No, seriously. I think it has even surpassed The Muppets Christmas Carol for me. That has been my favorite Christmas movie since I was a child. My mom and sister and I used to watch it every Christmas Eve. I still love it dearly and it is an amazing adaptation that I’ll defend to my death, but you guys. You guys. A VHS Christmas Carol is just THAT GOOD.

It’s done in the style of 80s music/videos, which is delightful. It’s an opera, so it’s all sung through, which I love. And it’s so good!

Let me enumerate the ways. Spoilers to follow. (Can you spoil A Christmas Carol? Once a story becomes public domain does that exempt it from spoiling? Idk, lol. Spoilers for the show, anyway. Also for Avatar: The Last Airbender. …I promise there’s a path.)

1) Bah Humbug! - Song number one and it goes hard right from the start. It is everything an opening number should be. Dynamic, sets the tone, and an incredible fucking bop. The interactions between Scrooge and Fred and Scrooge and Bob are done so well, too. You so quickly get a sense of their characters. Obviously we know their characters because this is a story that has been told many a time before, but it does it so well that you would immediately get them even if you were an alien who had never in your existence been exposed to A Christmas Carol in any capacity. That’s impressive to me. It’s not relying on the familiarity of the story to do its character work.

2) 3 Spirits - I love the tone of this song. This is a Marley with true regret and pain who is absolutely pleading with Scrooge to take the chance he’s being given. It’s less “scared straight” and more, “I need you to understand this like you’ve never understood anything before.” Marley becomes a character in his own right as opposed to merely a backdrop for Scrooge to react to. That’s a theme with this adaptation. Characters who are pretty flat in a lot of adaptations seem so much more like real people in this one. Also, whoever decided to cast Meredith as Marley here is a fucking genius. She’s so goddamn talented and she really shines here. The emotion, the weight. Gah. Beautiful. The interplay between Marley and Scrooge is incredible as well; these are two insanely talented performers breathing a new life into tried and true characters, and you really feel the relationship between them.

3) I’m The Ghost - Christmas Past is so pointed and snarky and incredible, making Scrooge come to certain realizations. “Huh, little boy left all alone. Oh, your sister died so young. Didn’t she have a son though? Why are the employees so happy, this party didn’t cost much? Thinking of something? Okay, last stop, buckle up, it’s all your own doing.” I love it so much.

4) That Scrooge - You guys. You guys. They’ve done what I assumed was impossible. They’ve done what even the Muppets couldn’t. It’s a Scrooge-Belle breakup song that isn’t the most unbelievably boring and bland thing you’ve ever heard in your life. Belle is a fucking person! She has a personality! She’s very clearly stating her case, that he’s changed and she doesn’t like it and does he have anything to say? No? Okay, bye! THE EMOTION IN THIS SONG. Scrooge starts singing not just with her but to her! All the things he didn’t say before! And then he starts singing angrily about/at his past!self for being an idiot! You actually FEEL THINGS about this relationship. It was a deep love and losing it super fucked him up! I have never before seen Belle/Scrooge done as well as this one (1) song handles it.

5) Christmas Electricity - Get ready to have this song stuck in your head for ten thousand years. This song is, I believe, the standard classical definition of “a fuckin’ bop.” It’s so high energy and exciting, you really can understand how Scrooge gets so caught up in it himself. You also see more of Fred in this song and, again, he’s a person! He has specific motivations for why he keeps reaching out to Scrooge. Corey’s Fred is hands down one of the best performances of this character full stop. He took what is usually a bit, side character and made him a full human with understandable thoughts and feelings. They gave the Fred-Scrooge relationship such incredible emotional weight because of it. I think that’s one of my favorite aspects of this adaptation.

6) Priceless - Here we see the Cratchits enjoying their Christmas with an incredibly sweet song about having little but feeling like they have a lot. I really like the way this song feels a bit cheesy (goes with the whole 80s vibe) but they also feel like a real family with some silliness and some sweetness and Bob’s wife having very strong opinions about Scrooge that he’s too polite for. Also “listen to this key change out of the bridge” goddamn just show off constantly how freaking talented this entire cast is, why don’t you.

7) The Final Ghost - I probably have too much to say about this song. It’s my favorite, which considering this entire show is pitch fucking perfect, is really saying a lot. Dylan Saunders is truly one of the most talented performers I’ve ever seen, and his Scrooge is so, so good. It really shines through here. His interactions with Christmas Future show him mirroring Bob from earlier (he has a line that’s almost an exact quote of a line from Bob in Bah Humbug!), correcting himself, and trying to be respectful/humble. Subtle displays of emotional growth even before he gets to the truly scary parts. The song is of course a darker tone, as is correct for this part of the narrative, perfectly setting up the finale song. We get Scrooge overhearing about a funeral no one cares about, the same man being robbed after death, and this death bringing actual happiness to people. Throughout it all so far Christmas Future only speaks in a wordless melody, as is apt. Scrooge asks for tenderness connected to death and is shown the Cratchits mourning Tiny Tim, which breaks him, and he asks who the dead man was from earlier. Still wordless, Christmas Future leads him to a cemetery, and that wordless melody perfectly transforms into an eerie, ethereal, “Ebenezer Scrooge.” The fucking amount of sheer EMOTION Dylan packs into Scrooge pleading for his soul, that he is changed, and the final bit of narration… fuck, you guys, it’s so good. I love all of the “scene” parts of this song so much. It all builds so perfectly.

7a) The narrator. - This isn’t a specific song, I just want to call out how excellent the narrator is through the whole show and how perfectly the narration ties the whole show together. It’s one of those things where it goes unnoticed because it’s so perfect, but if it were bad you would definitely notice. You need it to be there and understated or a lot a falls apart, but it can be such hard balance to strike. This show nails it.

8) Christmas Day - The finale! And what a finale it is! The energy is a perfect contrast to the song before it as Scrooge delights in being alive and having time to make things right. His joy is palpable as he goes about his day, buying Bob a huge turkey, making an incredible donation to the charity he blew off the day before, and showing up at Fred’s. Guys. This scene. Especially when I watch the live, but even sometimes just via the soundtrack, this scene just fucking perfectly, beautifully guts me. You know how in Avatar: The Last Airbender, Zuko has to go on his whole narrative arc to eventually join the right side, and along the way sort of betrays his Uncle Iroh, aka the only good father figure he’s ever had, because he’s a traumatized teenager, and eventually he meets back up with him and starts stumbling out an apology and Iroh just sweeps him up in a hug without a word, and you sob because it’s perfect? That is the energy present in this, what, 15-second scene, just this incredible emotional buildup and payoff accomplished in a scant 45-minute runtime. It’s truly wondrous. The finale, as all true finales should, calls back musically to previous character beats, and ends on the perfect bookend to the opening number. It’s just so, so immensely satisfying.

Tl;dr - this musical has made me feel more Christmas-y than I have in a long, long time, and I have listened to little else in terms of music since I watched it two weeks ago. (It was literally the only music I had listened to since then until right now, and that’s only because I’m in a van on a road trip to my sister-in-law’s for Christmas. While I would have been perfectly content to listen to this soundtrack on repeat for the entire 8-hour drive, I also recognize that the four other people in this van do not have my particular flavor of hyperfixated ADHD brain and probably would not appreciate that, heh. Thus I played it once and then other music. Compromise!)

But yes. Seriously. It’s so good. Gah. Go watch it!

[charmixpower]

Musa ia the only one (i think) who changed her hairstyle thoughout the show. What is your opinion about the other winx what hairstyle will suit them best.

Uhh?? Like which hairstyles look best and how I'd like to see their hair develop through the seasons? Sure

WOW making Bloom's hair wavy is objectively correct

That aside, high low styles and braids. That's what Bloom really vibes in. Something about Bloom and braids I cannot explain it but it looks beautiful and the high low styles just may h Bloom's vibes

Leaving Bloom's bangs letting them be weird is 20/20 Bloom. Yes Bloom cuts her own bangs, how could you tell. She loves her insane bangs

Bloom just rocks braids too. Small decorative braids that wrap around her head and the full on braids. Both look amazing on her

Messy buns are also perfect for Bloom. Matches her art kid vibes perfectly, real buns are great for when she's trying to be fancy. Fancy Bloom with a small bun is always super cute. Nothing can contain her weird girl energy

I wish WOW Bloom had her weird ass bangs, then we could have wavy hair classic Bloomy hair

Stellas classic bangs look like she has normal straight bangs with hella frayed edges in a vampire cut at best and I hate them. I refuse to believe that Stella has vampire cut bangs, I simply close my eyes when I see it

I am VERY biased to any hairstyle that gets rid of them, and also curtain bangs Stella supremacy

I also think Stella looks better without those two super long stands of hair hanging over her shoulders, I like the s5 ones a lot

Aside from that Stella's hair looks best when it's down, but because that's boring this is mostly a complication of bang styles I like on her with one example of Stella nomral hair

Also mixed kid Stella, her hair is naturally curly or has the ability to curl naturally. I am biased and I like to see her hair with some volume yess

The s4 Stella look is mostly there because it's just a beautiful way to put her hair up for like sleep and stuff where she'd want her hair out of the way and it's one the Stella hairstyles of all time

The beach look is here because it actually made me forget how much I hate her pointy bangs. Her hair is windswept 💕💕💕 beautiful, the bun is a cute touch as well

That's all. Stella loves her long hair and gets p fuckin upset whenever someone fucks with it and does like everything to maintain it. Stella literally would only cut her hair under threat of death, and she likes having it down. Her hair says down XD the only thing that would change is her bangs

When they get weird with Flora's bangs it's always a win. Like yes bitch let her bangs do as they please, mix them up yesssss. Also big yes to any hairstyle that draws attention to her bangs, like hair decorations, and while I'm not sold on that headband it does make her bangs stand out more so ig it can stay

Flora looks best when her hair is left to roam wild or tied up tight. It's either giving boho queen letting her hair be all flowy and gorgeous, or "I'm gardening and I'm not getting dirt in my hair" and both fit her amazingly

The Sirenix low ponytail is just so slay. It's so messy and flowy and free and it gives a casual nature lady energy. It's such a chill beautiful look that really should have been in a civilian form instead but like whatever

I'm usually against high ponytail Flora, but the flowers and pearls in her hair save that look and help it ascend. Gorgeous. We love it

The s4 and s6 buns are so cute. Gardening hair and date hair respectively

Flora's Believix hair is THEE Flora hair. I'm sorry but it is. Superior to Flora's Enchantix hair. The flowers fit her so much better than pearls and gems and I don't think Flora would get super fancy with her hair in the first place. This is just Flora

Flora also should have cut her hair in s4. It would be cute

Dyed hair, choppy bangs, messy hair, slicked back hair, weird HUGE bangs, keep it weird, keep it short, keep it Tecna baybeeee

Also hats. Hats also fuck but I can't see them being a every day thing for her

It would be really fun if she cut and shaved her hair in different styles as hair evolution but I'd accept her dying her hair differently every season

Musa looks best with her hair up. Especially with her long hair because it makes it look like her hair is shorter while also giving her hair more options. I especially like her s5 hair of the bun with the hair down and the sleep hair loopys. While I wouldn't make the sleep hair loopies her civilian look it is a natural evolution of her pigtails into a new long hair style while still keeping the original style (tho it needs to lose the side strands, the shorter strands work better when her hair is visibility long and this makes them look short so axe em)

Hats as well, Musa looks good in hats. Musa only got to wear one hat in the original series, and she wore it over her pigtails because she's very silly, but more hats and a hat in her civilian design would absolutely be a win to me

Okay now stuff that only applies to her long hair:

The long low pigtails are slightly more tomboish than the long high pigtails but if you have her an undercut that would fix that

The s4 long hair looks like shit, that isn't Musa, yada yada yada, if your going to do long hair down Musa do it like S7. Would Musa ever wear any of that, especially the earrings? God no. Does it at least look like something an older Musa might wear? Replace the head band with headphones, and yeah maybe

WOW Musa got the memo. Also that hairstyle is like her s5 one except the bun doesn't lead into a pointy tail, instead it's a half up half down style. It's cute, but it's mostly there to show how headphones can replace a headband

There are a lot of examples of how to make long hair Musa look less bad and that's because there are no images of short hair Musa in anything but her pigtails and I'm cranky about it

Messy bangs, high ponytails, and fashion only hats

S6 is a crime against humanity but look at her hair godblessss. The s5 and s3 hats are cute and yes Aisha only wears hats for fashion unlike Tecna who wears them for a purpose, and Musa who wears them for both

Messy bangs just work with Aisha. Her whole thing is that she was overly stifled and expected to act in a very particular way and as soon she got away she refused to control her flyaways and bangs. She will not, fuck y'all, she got shit to do that isn't worrying about her hair

High ponytails also work like hell. High ponytails are just yess. They have a very "I got shit to do, and I need to do it yesterday." Vibes that fit Aisha's dedication and drive perfectly

Mixing the two gives this very amazing vibe. They tried to accomplish this in s4, but did not but they did manage to get it in s6 which is hilarious. It gives the vibes that she needs to do something but not as urgent, shes still having fun

I also love how her Royal hairstyles are the high pointytail too, it shows how the main thing she got from all those classes is how to be goal oriented. I love that for her, she threw away all the sexist nonsense and kept the work ethic, she's so awesome. In reverse it also shows how dedicated she is to her people, how keeping them safe and happy is her goal, love thattt

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #229

Where do you see your ex in 5 years? I am not comfortable answering this for any ex. I don't know these people anymore, and people change. I shouldn't be theorizing about their futures.

Does your last ex have a job? I don't know.

Would you be interested in starting your own business? I want to be a freelance photographer, so...

Do you find guys with facial piercings attractive? I tend to find piercings attractive, but this doesn't guarantee that I'm going to be attracted to a pierced man.

Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? No.

What’s your favorite filling in chocolates? More chocolate, peanut butter, or caramel.

What, in your opinion, is the most disgusting part of the human body? I actually hate how genitals look, either kind.

Do you have slim or chubby fingers? Slim. It's about the only slim thing about me.

Have you done anything lately that you instantly felt was a mistake? Uh, maybe? But not of importance large enough for me to actually remember it.

Pencils: mechanical or traditional? Mechanical for sure.

Are you into anyone right now? Tell me about them? Use this space to say something to them. Well, Girt, obviously. I feel like I talk about him enough for readers to have a general gist of him, he's insanely introverted but loyal as FUCK to people he values, and he's the funniest fucking person I've ever met. He's my best friend in the world and I hope he never doubts how much I value him as not just a boyfriend, but friend.

Do you cook and/or bake? What is your specialty? I don't. It's funny though, I recently got into a chef's YouTube channel and also like another, and I like watching their stuff, even though I'm not interested in cooking or baking myself. I WISH I was.

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? A friendship, yes. That's how I felt towards the end of Sara's and my friendship. Like, we'd split apart so many times, I didn't wanna fucking do it again. It never went well.

Are you attracted to any nationality more than others? Nope.

Do feet creep you out? They don't creep me out, I just don't like them and think they're gross.

Do you have a sexual fantasy? What is it? yeah I'm not sharing that stuff lmfao

Do you like the band Satyricon? I've never heard this name in my life.

Is it wicked hard for you to sleep when its hot in your room? I CAN'T sleep if I'm hot. I literally have two fans in my room.

What is your favorite thing to do with your best friend? Chatting/being silly together and playing video games.

Are you easily offended? No. Few things actually offend me.

Have you ever acted as tour guide for friends/relatives from out of town? lol no, this place sucks and there's nothing TO show, there's no need.

Do you feel bored with your life? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am agonizingly bored by my fucking life, I could rant about this for hours, it's unreal how bored I am by the life I exist in.

What's the most weight you've ever gained from a medication? Like, 100 pounds. I wish I was fucking kidding. Thanks, Abilify <3

How old were you the first time you encountered God? The concept of "God" was forced on me from birth (literally, I was baptized), sooooo... I guess you can't truly "encounter" something that you finally understand doesn't exist, though.

Are you married? No.

What was the best date you've ever been on? A double-date to an arcade.

Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? I very rarely post about my personal life because I feel like no one cares and I'm just being annoying. I just share memes n shit.

Which stereotype do you fit the most? Geek and goth at heart, I guess. I don't really dress it though, I'm too lazy and poor for that.

Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin.

Did you go to prom? I went to two: his senior and my senior.

If you could rewind time ten years, would you? No.

What is the last song you played on repeat? fuckin "Diggy Diggy Hole" by Wind Rose lmfao

Do you own a CD player? Not anymore.

Do you think you could handle a job in the medical field? Why or why not? No. It would depress me, more than anything.

Would you rather edit photos on your phone or computer? Computer. I have Lightroom on both devices, but computer is easier and more precise with the mouse.

What is one electronic device you own that you have not used in a long time? Nintendo DS.

When was the last time you wore a dress or a skirt? Not since a Halloween photoshoot I did with my friend.

What is your favorite thing about Instagram? I dunno, really. I just enjoy it. I do feel like I'm less likely to see shit I don't want to, like dumbfuck right-wing shit I didn't ask for on Facebook.

What is the first thing you think of when you see the rainbow emoji? 🌈? the gays stealing the rainbow from god ✌️

Do you prefer to play chess or checkers? Checkers, idk how to play chess.

If you had to go an entire week without using any technology, what do you think you would spend most of your time doing instead? Reading, sleeping, writing, drawing. I'd be miserable, though.

Would you rather travel to Asia or France? Somewhere in Asia.

Did you have a New Year’s kiss? No, we weren't in each other's presence that night. You'd be hard-pressed to find a night I stay up 'til midnight anyway.

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? I say "breakfast" funny. I put a "t" after the "k" and I can't fix it.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? Juan was somewhere around five years older than me, give or take a year. It was problematic though because of my age.

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? I am very proud of myself for making the conscious decision to really start changing how I think and treat myself. It hasn't been "meh I'll try," I'm DOING it.

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? Nope, nope.

What is your opinion on people who shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I don't give a shit????????????

Is marijuana legal for “recreational use” where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? It is not legal, but my psychiatrist shared that it's looking like NC will make it legal in the foreseeable future (Mom shared we really want to try edibles for me). I wish it was legal everywhere.

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you’d like to live alone? I still live with my mother. I NEVER want to live alone, I would be FUCK-ING miserable. My depression and isolatory behaviors would eat me alive.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? Never, I use WordPad. You have to pay for Microsoft Word.

After doing your laundry do you leave it in your basket for a couple days, then put it away? Ugh it can stay in the basket for days upon days upon days.

When you do a puzzle do you find all the edges first? Of course, unless I incidentally find a match of interior pieces.

When you’re in the car and you eat something with a wrapper, do you throw the wrapper out of the window? Do this and I wish you death

List 5 things that have happened in the last 7 days. (They can be anything at all, anything that’s happened involving you, or your family, friends, partner.) 1.) I've been playing the remake of Resident Evil 4 2.) My younger sister got a dog 3.) I went to Girt's house 4.) I finished another book in the Warriors series 5.) I drew!!!!

If you found out your ex had a new partner, would you be upset? There is no ex where I would care if they had a new partner.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? I've done sexual things we shouldn't have done in someone else's bedroom.

Have you ever had sex on your bedroom floor? How about your living room floor? Again, just sexual things. But not since I was a teenager, you could NOT lure my fat and achy ass onto the floor anymore lmfao

When you kiss someone, do you like to play with their hair? I do it, so I suppose yes.

Why did you hug the last person you hugged? The kids were leaving.

Do you regret sleeping with anyone? No.

Did anyone comfort you the last time you cried? What was your reason for crying? My mom, yes. I've just been stressed out and dealing with anxiety issues.

What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? I’d get an abortion, we can't be doing that.

Is there anyone that likes you, other than the person you love/like/are with? I doubt it.

Who is the 9th contact in your phone? Have you ever hugged/kissed that person? That's my little sister, I've certainly hugged her and maybe kissed her cheek when we were younger.

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? I was annoyed, the kids came in being loud and I hadn't slept very well. Pretty sure I cursed lmao.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? Of course.

Random fact about the person you love/like? He's back in college for business management-type stuff. I always forget the exact name of his major. He's VERY nearly done, he just had to drop out when his dad died.

[lurlur]

Rating the NHL mascots - Part 2

Part 1 is here

Minnesota Wild

Nordy

What are you, Nordy? Officially, Nordy is a "wild animal" which is just SUPER helpful, Minnesota. Thanks. He's got a sweet face, though. I like the extra colouring that keeps him from being boring. I feel like he'd benefit from some sharp teeth though. Give the boy some ferocity. Assuming he's the kind of wild animal that can be ferocious? WHO FUCKIN' KNOWS???

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 6/10. Could be better, but the inability to commit hurts Nordy's potential.

Buffalo Sabres

Sabretooth

I may not have much in this world, but one of the things that I do have is a degree in palaeontology. This goofy looking motherfucker is not an accurate sabretooth cat and I have decided to take that personally. This is a cartoon tiger with dental issues. This is Tony the Tiger's inbred cousin. He's not OK. At least he looks relatively kind, if a little concerned.

Vibes: 5/10

Aesthetics: 1/10

Horror: 1/10

Fuckability: 1/10

Overall, 2/10. Is it too much to ask for to have palaeontologically accurate mascots in 2023?

Nashville Predators

Gnash

Is this a joke? Am I a joke to you? ANOTHER sabre tooth cat? Jesus fucking christ. OK, this one isn't AS bad. It's not good, but it's not as bad as the last entry. Actual sabre teeth, a sculpted cat head, team colours can be forgiven for mascot purposes. The lower jaw is all wrong and the stripes are conjecture at best, but the overall effect doesn't fill me with the same blind rage as Buffalo's cat. Gnash is getting by on a loaded comparison. His name is pretty cool though.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 3/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Literally skating through because Sabretooth is SO bad and SO fresh in my memory. Take the wins where you can, Gnash.

Florida Panthers

Stanley C. Panther

Florida somehow has two mascots? I'm going with Stanley, but please do be aware of, I assume, Matthew Tkachuk's best friend: Victor E. Rat.

Stanley, here, is a panther. Of course. And he's fine. Just fine. Another big cat, underwhelming design, pretty minimal costuming. He's got a reasonably characterful face. I feel like a good performer could make him work, but in still images he's lacklustre. Sorry, Stanley.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 3/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 4.5/10. Middling score for a middling mascot. Maybe I should have gone with Victor...

New York Islanders

Sparky the Dragon

Got myself tied in knots about this one because the Isles have made some attempts to move on from Sparky, it seems. There's an absolutely horrifying fisherman named Nyisles that I won't ever unsee. The NHL website says Sparky, though, so Sparky it is! He's a dragon! Look at his lil wings! Good teeth, bright colours, horns for holding. What's not to love? Literally nothing. Except the fact that he's mascot for the Isles... but that's not what we're doing here.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 8/10. He's a dragon! I love me a dragon! I don't care!

St Louis Blues

Louie

Louie, OK. Blue, OK. Wipe clean mouth? OK, I guess. Why a bear, though? And why such a pale blue? This thing must be a nightmare to keep clean. Good ear shape, kind face, not quite hitting the bear perfection that is Carlton but a decent effort. The muzzle really is throwing me as a weird design choice. Like, OK, it does make the face more visually interesting but it also just looks like Louie has a skin problem. Does he have mange? We simply don't know.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 7/10

Horror: 3/10

Fuckability: 5/10

Overall, 5.5/10. Mostly because I'm concerned about his health. I don't want to catch mange.

Detroit Red Wings

Al the Octopus

Oh yeah, now we're talking. I actively hate this for a million reasons but it's so fucking insane that I also kind of love it! I do wish that Detroit fans would stop throwing octopuses onto the ice because that is no fate for a poor cephalopod. But look! It's a giant tentale monster! He looks MEAN! That's not just a guy in a bad fur suit! it's interesting and that's worth big points. I fully believe that Al would beat the shit out of me for no reason.

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 9/10

Horror: 9/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 9.5/10. Horrible, never stop.

Philidelphia Flyers

Gritty

Now, this is podracing! Gritty is how you do weird, undefined monster mascots properly. Gritty emerged following construction work at the Philidephia arena and is best described as a force for chaos. The eyes are wild, the energy is all over the place, the flow is spectacular, and the best part of Gritty's launch was the speed with which Philidelphia went from rejecting their new freak to declaring Gritty the new godking. Oh, you think Gritty is an ugly monster? Fuck you, we love them. Gritty is also undeniably a queer ally/icon/community leader? Hard to say exactly, but it's there. Immaculate vibes. Shame we can't say the same about everyone on the team...

Vibes: 10/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 10/10

Fuckability: 10/10

Overall, 10/10. Gritty, hit me up. I have a short list of Flyers I need you to eat. Thanks, babe.

Ottawa Senators

Spartacat

Someone please get this lion a good haircare routine? Dear god, Spartacat. You leave the house looking like this? There's something almost endearing about how wet and pathetic this lion looks. He's just giving nothing. I want to nominate him for Queer Eye.

Vibes: 6/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 2/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 4/10. Honestly, it's a pity fuck as well. Someone please help this lion.

Montreal Canadiens

Youppi!

What IS it? A man? Why is it so hairy? It might be a giant (lol) but that doesn't explain much at all. I HATE this. I think that's a fully body beard. You could shave that and maybe find just a normal man underneath. It's SO orange which just looks jarring with the Montreal colours. Bad. I would turn around and walk the other direction if I saw this on the street.

Vibes: 2/10

Aesthetic: 1/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, a generous 3/10. Please never make me look at Youppi! again.

Vancouver Canucks

Fin the Whale

They anthropomorphised a whale. That feels like it should be a crime. Certainly the way they've gone about it is. Fin loses points for having his dorsal fin on the back of his head and not, y'know, his actual back. He also appears to have no tail which is a real shame. Tails are a great design choice in almost every situation. I do like the sharp teeth and red tongue, though. Very suggestive. This feels like a missed opportunity. Fin could have been a lot better but they took the easy path instead of the interesting one. Boo you, Canucks design team.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 4/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 6/10

Overall, 5.5/10. I really wanted to like this more. I'm going to think about Ethan Bear for a minute to cheer myself up.

San Jose Skarks

S J Sharkie

No points for originality on the name, but for literally everything I just said about Fin? Sharkie gets it right. His dorsal fin is in the right place, he has shark elements beyond his head with those little elbow fins. Clear evidence that it's possible to make a weird sea creature/man hybrid without being boring AF. The head is a weird shape, but I'm feeling too much goodwill towards Sharkie right now to really mind. Nice teeth, too. I would have loved to have seen rows of teeth, maybe with some missing for a real hockey feel.

Vibes: 8/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 6/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7.5/10. A good score for a very smooth boy. Smooth in every direction.

Arizona Coyotes

Howler the Coyote

Hims feets too big for hims gotdamn shoes! I haven't ever actually seen a coyote before, so I had to go looking for a comparison. Conclusion? Why is his face so wide? I do like the very pointy nose, though. We've seen too many soft faced predators, this boy has a SNOUT. Got some lil teefies too, I like that. And a tail. I keep coming back to the feet busting out of the shoes though, like some teen wolf knock off. I kinda love it.

Vibes: 9/10

Aesthetics: 8/10

Horror: 4/10

Fuckability: 8/10

Overall, 7/10. Very good showing for a pointy faced doggo who needs new shoes.

Columbus Blue Jackets

Stinger

Help. Serously, please help me. Look at this thing. It's a bug, meant to be a play on blue jackets/yellow jackets. But I don't know what a yellow jacket is so any cleverness is kind of lost on me. This is HORRIBLE. They really went all in on making this unpleasant and I can applaud that, even as I hate it viscerally. And I do. The eyes, the butt, the rictus grin, the colour... It is offensive to mine eyeballs. I love it. One note, they should have given it another set of limbs.

Vibes: 1/10

Aesthetics: 10/10

Horror: 8/10

Fuckability: 0/10

Overall, 5/10. Awful. I can't look away.

Honourable mention to Boomer, the other Blue Jackets mascot who is just an anthropomorphic cannon. Great moustache. I wonder if Johnny Gaudreau is afraid of it.

Anaheim Ducks

Wild Wing

I do not believe that Wild Wing's designer had ever seen a duck. I'm not sure that the person who described duck to the designer or Wild Wing had ever seen a duck either. I think the description of a duck may have passed through as many as 15 people who had never seen a duck before reaching Wild Wing's designer. Oh Holly, you're so harsh. It's a duck in a hockey mask. OK, so they hadn't seen a modern hockey mask either. I like the mean expression, somehow through a mask, the Donald Duck-esque nudity, and the feet design. Almost a horse-sized duck.

Vibes: 7/10

Aesthetics: 6/10

Horror: 5/10

Fuckability: 4/10

Overall, 5.5/10. You're no good, duck. You'll never be shit. You're just like your father.

Chicago Bad Team

Tommy Hawk

That's a turkey.

Vibes: 0/10

Aesthetics: 0/10

Horror: 0/10

Fuckability: 0/10

0/10. Boo.

[thepowerisyouth]

Eh mental health is annoying. Buying & cooking cheap low-FODMAP diet is annoying. My best top note for now is I'm using this blog to practice writing. I need more practice in it. I only know business, accounting & economics stuff. Its stupid stuff. Theres too much actual fraud everywhere that its annoying

Also I use mobile so formatting sucks cause Nvidia GPUs, or Arch dont like tumblr site. Or tumblr site dont like tumbkr site

Also also I 100,000% support all my fellow ones-and-zeros and their identity. Everyone is welcome here.

Except transphobes/zionist/long list of others but you get it. I'll help harrass any of those types endlessly if someone wants to tag me, and bring me in on an argument like that friend you call for backup with fights

Im unhinged so who's to say exactly what will end up here but this is also a completely public blog to me friends, family, hell, even acquaintances i dont give a fuc.

Blog should be expected to be roughly as child-friendly as simpsons or bobs burgers. But also boring like a civics/economics lesson sometimes. Yay

--------

I (and my husband) am ex mormon. Its a weird thing. Look into it if you havent recently. Realllllyyyy look into. Takes time to figure it all out in this fuckin fucked up world.

I just moved a year ago. Didnt watch the US stock market as much as I normally do. Had my first snowstorm 10 weeks ago, that was.. fun to handle while ill prepared. About 6 weeks ago I was hopping back on the market and notice its a huge tech bubble about to pop and all the conditions Ive been warned about my whole career imply this is not good. Just took a little more thinking & digging and I'm a little too confident to stop talking about it now.

(Oh I'm also care-free as fuc so I dont really read or desire to change past posts more than lil-nitpicks. More informative for the reader & myself-in-the-future-reading that way)

And I'm not kidding I do love feedback & questions. Its a very public blog tho so I get that part for sure.

If you search "life story" in my tags I had that pinned for a min Im just moving shit around rn

Being poor sucks. Will write more on that later.

---------------

First of all-- the exact timeline of an "economic shock" is literal insanity. Dont worry about the exact timing of any of this-- just know its doomed to happen soon.

Here are some effects I predict of this upcoming economic downturn

If anyone comes across any sources for these events that support my arguments please feel free to add in comments, reblogs, etc.

This concise list is mainly for my own reference, but it would be great to add to it if any one has something to add!

0.5. US Stock market collapse-- I have no desire to try and predict this one exactly. Too many conspiracies are actually correct about this big guy. Lets just say 7 US Tech stocks are worth 25% of the entire worlds market, roughly. "Too big to fail"-- I believe is the phrase

1. Corporate (slightly later will be residential by extension) real estate crisis: currently way too overvalued. Most of the houses, land, & urban corporate property we see could stand to decrease by about 60-90% from its current price.

2. Bankruptcy crisis: similar to the after-effects of the 70s inflation-- we can expect to see a huge wave of bankruptcies affecting a variety of business: from the micro-self employed; to the small business with leased buildings; to the largest corporations who commit massive accounting fraud & hope to escape accountability in time

3. Bank runs-- there is an extremely high overreliance on the Federal Reserve, who does not have good control over this situation. Once it becomes clear that there is a crisis (we call this a catalyst event)-- bank runs for physical cash are a surety. Hard to say how long a crisis like this might last. I should ask my siblings who lived near the SVB bank crisis hotspot (but those were rich fucks they do their "bank runs" over the phone)

3.5. Global currency collapse, which takes effect in every single local, state, & national economy at slightly different times. This means prices lower. Much lower. But takes time

4. Whatever the fuck the geopolitics is gonna do???. Its weird. You got Russia wanting to invade Europe? (Look at global economic forum 2024) Trump wants to let them. Biden wants to be an establishment corporate ass. North Korea has changed its #1 public enemy to South Korea (dont remember my source but it was a couple months ago). USA is stationing more troops in Taiwan, but probably only because of semiconductor technology?

The scope of our global financial woes are larger than can be explained in any of our lifetimes. Its much, much closer to pre-revolution France or the late 1920s. Big change is coming. Itll be soon

5. More to come

[momo-shut-the-fuck-up]

So someone on the shining nikki subreddit made a post about this game called Life Makeover that s in early access, and i downloaded it and fucked around with it for like, and hour- and man i still got stuff to do in it. Ahead you have a bunch of rambling about it, maybe it d interest you too.

Tldr, its a super polished and pretty game with a story that seems to be getting interesting but i cant say for sure yet, pretty and diverse clothes, shit ton of customisation, and it sems generous so far.

Anyway it s very pretty, customisation is fucking insane, if i understand things right we re gettin a shit ton of free high rarity suits just for doin stuff in the game? Though i am a bit confused of if we re gettin em for Free or for doin stuff akin to the diamond arena.

Here s an outfit i made, but it s got a bunch of styles. Luckily its not just modern clothing, it s got the high fashion/alt stuff too. And it s real well made.

I wasn t exactly playin w takin screenshots in mind so i don t have many.

Ima make a list of stuff about it:

• seems to be generous with its currency? I got 3k diamonds rn and one 10 pull is like 1180 or somethin.

• it has pavilions like nikki does, but i don t think most of its events are gacha based? Idk the thing just started so we waitin. The rate for the coin pavilion is kinda bad, but for the other ones is as good as nikkis.

• you can dye. Everything. It s not Free to dye, u gotta pay w this dyeing currency, but u get a bunch of it. And there s many options too.

• the story is... funky. Seems boring at the beginning but uh, spoilers ig? I ll put it under the cut if ur interested

• many skin options 🙏

• as i said, customisation. U can change the face shape, makeup, body, kinda everythin about your girl at the beginning of the game. ("Body" u know the usual thin- slightly larger but still thin body slider in games? Yeah.) My girl looks kinda like a baby cuz i made her like that, u can choos ebetween "girl" and "female" i think they called it? And it s just, one is more mature lookin than the other. U can change the height too.

• every character besides yourself is fully voice acted in english and chinese.

• every character also has live 2d models for the story portions of the game. Very well made stuff.

• there are cards, like reflections. Sr and ssr cards are live 2d animated.

• some "investigation" segments actually have small 3d environments u explore instead of 2d backgrounds.

• some of the 2d backgrounds have animated elements which is pretty cool.

• there s a housing feature. You buy yourself a house and you can customise it to your heart s content. AND you walk around in it with your character. I didn t fuck around in it too long cuz i wantes to get back to the story, but it seems really in depth and well made? Kinda insane tbh.

• has a guild feature like nikki s.

• actually, if u play shining nikki, u gonna acclimate to life makeover real quick. Guilds, main story, clothes crafting, what looks to be a diamond arena thing for styling competitions.

• your character is shown in cutscenes and 2d art sometimes, which means that canonically, you are 1. White 2. Have black hair (also are a girl). Your name is what you picked tho.

• the world we are in seems to be super high tech. "Makes a 3d model of the item u took a pic of so you can investigate it without touching it" type of high tech. "Extremely advanced AI" type. U know what i mean.

• oh also u got some background already there, n the lighting changes based on what u pick. I kinda prefer nikki's "choose ur own lighting" system tho.

Now spoilers under the cut.

Bro she just fuckin-

Girl got knocked the fuck out

She didn t actually die, she just got attacked, which is the second attack so far. (I really hope one of em dies at some point tbhhh)

The story goes, you re on a private island with your sisters' rich idol friends, who are a really really popular idol group which is why they got all this money, and this. Guy? Who is also ur sisters friend, Idk he s v boring fancy rich dude typa vibe idc much. Ur here as a graduation gift whatever.

The idols are gettin "haters"-

(They keep callin em that its so fuckin funny. They shoulda said trolls it d be even better)

- that are on their private island? And they re doin more than Hatin, i think they legit tryin to kill these girls. Locked one of em in a freezer, knocked another one over the head and stuffed her in a teddy bear, u saw what happened to annie, that shit.

So yeah it s gettin interestin 👀 i m on ch 3 i think, so i ll see where it goes from here.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Okay... this is gonna sound like blasphemy, but istg if I dont get this out into the world for people who care to read about Im literally going to go insane, so here it goes. I think Felonyglob is kind of boring. Don't get me wrong they're still a really cute couple! I just. Don't find their relationship all that interesting. Like there isn't all that much to explore in their dynamic.

I think most of the problem lies in Felony Carl not really being all that interesting on his own? Like, he isn't meant to be his own character. He has no depth. Which is okay! Not every character needs to be fully thought out or layered, but typically, the better thought out a character is, the more interesting their relationships are. Felony Carl, right down to his NAME, is really just a joke character. The joke being the juxtaposition between his appearance as a big strong criminal biker guy vs his emotional maturity and comfortability in who he is. He's kind of a cardboard cutout of a man. And instead of his relationship with Globby adding anything to his character, he ends up falling victim to the age old trope of "token love interest to motivate the main character". Like, the Princess Peach to Globby's Mario(it was the first example that came to mind don't @ me andnfnsmsm), minus the damsel in destress stuff. Granted Mario isn't all that interesting of a character either but yOU GET THE POINT RIGHT- Felony Carl just kind of falls flat. I was initially gonna drive this point home even further by comparing him to a really similar, and much more interesting, character, Brock from the Unikitty show, but this paragraph is getting long so I'm just gonna leave it at that. He's also really hard to ADD depth to because we just don't get that much info on his backstory outside of how he used to be named Misdemeanor Carl and that he has a good enough relationship with his father to willingly attend his birthday, which really isn't much! There's nothing interesting about this man to latch onto and expand upon without teetering dangerously close to OC territory!

Now, like I said before, having flat characters is fine. It's kind of a necessity, actually. If every single character in every single show got their backstories fully explained to us then there would never be time for any kind of. Plot. Ever. And, for normal viewers of BH6tS, Felony Carl being flat is perfectly okay, because he really had nothing to do with the main cast. But for ME, a weird little freak who likes to pretend BH6tS is actually The Globby Show(the amount of times I've rewatched literally only the episodes with him in them is evidence enough), Felony Carl is a lot more prominent because, to my eyes, he's technically the main love interest of the show. And he's just. So boring. Funny, but SO BORING.

Now, I am ABSOLUTELY not saying you can't still enjoy this pairing. Literally doesn't fuckin matter. I get the appeal, hell I've made stuff for the ship and have plans to make more! I just think it would be fun to explore Globby's potential dynamics with less one-note characters, y'know? Like, there's an ABUNDANCE of interesting adult characters in BH6tS and the only other Globby-related pairing(bcuz remember I only ever pay attentioj to Globby related stuff) I ever see is Globby x Honey Lemon. Which is a fine pairing, and they do have an interesting dynamic(and before you say that pairing is problematic it fucking isn't Honey Lemon is 21 and when your a consenting adult a 20 year age gap is literally fine omfg), but I think we should get more CREATIVE with it!!! And by we I mean people who. Like to think about Globby and put him in Situations. Actually maybe I'm the only person who really cares about this there's only like one other person on here that posts about him regularly... downsides of having super obscure interests, I guess.

But yeah if anybody wants to like... build up some fun cool ship dynamics between Globby and other characters my dms are always open hehe. This post was actually just a really longwinded and dressed up way for me to ask if anybody wants to talk about Globby ships with me. Sorry not sorry I just want more excuses to talk about this man-

[defensivelee]

HELLO I wanna scream about this insane novel called Dark Eagle: A Novel of Benedict Arnold and the American Revolution by John Ensor Harr and you’ll never fuckin guess but it’s about Benedict Arnold. I have a lot to say about it actually so,,,,carry on if you want to,,,TW for mentions of pedophilia

also the image quality is a little SHIT sorry about that >:(

FIRST OFF I actually like this book for the most part. It was written in a tolerableee way in toleraaaable language and Arnold was really fun to read. I always see him as trying to act as some Tigerstar-esque villain (from the Warrior cats series) but he can literally never manage it because he’s surrounded by some average dude-bros. But this book somehow does it right even though everyone else is even more dude-bro than before. Arnold is just the right amount of menacing and (unintentionally) goofy in this book so it’s fun to read him fucking up everything!

That being said this book explains a ton and I mean LIKE A TON. Harr out here acting like he’s explaining this to 12-year-olds. WHICH HE ISN’T. I’M NOT TWELVE AND YOU’RE NOT EITHER. SOME OF YOU ARE EVEN 400!

Anyway Gates is here. Gates was one of my first dead blorbos so it was really amusing to see him here! He’s so UNNECESSARILY FUNNY ISTG

I HAD TO READ THAT WITH MY EYES MR. HARR 😭😭

Well if you know me you know I’m an absolute SLUT for Arnold and Gates before they fell out and this book is chef’s fucking kiss for that. It is SO NICE and SO SWEET how it shows their friendship like they’re just fucking DUDES man. THEY’RE JUST BROS HANGING OUT

ISN’T THIS THE NICEST FUCKING THING!!! Like FUCK MAN what happened at Saratoga DESTROYS ME especially with how Harr portrays it because they’re such!!! friends!!! Anyway yeah I’m so normal about that thanks Mr. Harr you get a 10/10 on this aspect

Now about Peggy and Arnold....FUCK IT THEY’RE ADORABLE HERE LIKE HARR SAID “y’all are going to LOVE EACH OTHER” and just jkdjksjkdsjkd

LIKE ALL OF THIS!! IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!! He keeps on thinking she’s beautiful and she’s so supportive and dkjfkjdskjsjkajsj they’re so in love here. THANK YOU AGAIN MR. HARR 10/10 ON THIS!!

In general I think Arnold slaps here and I will talk about him again at the end because this is a novel about him after all! But now I want to talk about *drumroll* JOHN FUCKING BURGOYNE!!!

Honestly I don’t have a lot to say on him. Why the fuck was he even here. He’s ffffine I guess and we get to have him staring at some tits and this really hilarious scene where he looks at himself in the mirror

rlflrlpfppwppwwqwqqqq okay then Mr. Burgoyne

I feel like he’s just here for comic relief tbh kind of unnecessary BUT I’m not complaining because he was still funny. If Harr was trying to make me laugh he won.

It’s André time now,,,,BASICALLY IDEK BECAUSE MR. HARR MADE HIM GAY AS FUCK and also kind of a creep because he had this weird interest in an eleven-year-old boy??

*sigh* I guess this is Mr. Harr’s novel and André being a fuckin twink is fine ig but it just feels like the casual pedophilia thrown in is like?? just going along with the stereotype that every gay man wants your little son?? idk if that was Harr’s intention but it just irks me because HI I’M GAY

But let me tell you something André proceeding to be Clinton’s boyfriend shot me, hit me across the head like a frying pan, etc, etc.

Now here again we have a mention of André’s sick “preferences” and then it just seems like he went ahead and rolled his ass over just for the promotion. Which alright valid I guess but JESUS IT’S SO FUCKING INSANE

And then there’s this scene. It’s probably the funniest thing I’ve ever read in any book ever,

But then there’s that and idkkk yeahhh pretty accurate,,,this is after he receives that last letter from André and he would deffo burst into tears over it! So very sad actually if I had read that without the knowledge that Clinton was tapping that ass here I would have cried :((

The death scene was fine. idk kinda boring

BUT NOW HOLY FUCKING SHIT THAT LAST PART??? THE VERY LAST PAGE??? Let me tell you something man before my being on this hellsite was even dreamed about (where I found this book thank you Horacio), my thoughts, my headcanon said that when everyone found out André died, they would all stand around the table and Clinton would look up at Arnold and give him a hard stare.

And then they would all glare at him, blaming him entirely for André’s death, and he would back away and leave, limp away, in this sort of daze.

SO

THIS BOOK ACTUALLY DID THAT??? LIKE MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

WHAT THE FUCKKKKK MAN I GET CHILLS FROM READING THIS EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Like this is EXACTLY it THANK YOU MR. HARR. I’m so obsessed with this ending for the book it’s fucking PERFECT. This is actually my favorite thing about the book and words cannot describe how fucking normal I am about this.

Overall, I could read this again without dying, André is just fucking ANNOYING. Why can’t a piece of media get him RIGHT for God’s sake

But otherwise a solid book and I enjoyed it fr!! If you have a sense of humor you should be good to read it. It’s all here https://archive.org/details/darkeaglenovelof00harr/mode/2up (though I own a physical copy)

[reiverreturns]

[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

Tagged by my darling @milfeivor. I may not have written consistently in months but BOY do I like talking about it.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Twelve

2. What is your AO3 word count?

122,303

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Well I'm not writing much at all at the moment (bad menty health innit) but over the last year it's been pretty much entirely Top Gun Maverick, with some Assassin's Creed in the background just for funsies

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Quiet Promises (TGM) - 418

For Those We Left Behind  (ACV) - 383

Calefaction (TGM) - 292

Attrition (ACV) - 225

When We Collide (We Come Together) (TGM) - 184

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to every comment I get because I think it's common courtesy when someone's taken the time and effort to leave one. I'm a little bit out of practice though (kiss kiss kiss grovel grovel grovel @ those left on read in my inbox)

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Blessed Are The Meek (FC5) maybe? A canon-compliant character study of Jacob Seed and his fucked up cult family has no iteration where things turn out well in the end.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't know actually - maybe Quiet Promises because I just really enjoy that ending and it's one of the only bits of published fic I've written I can reread and not want to edit more. If I ever finished writing the last chapter of Swim Until You Can't See Land it would probably be that but I'm just so very very lazy.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had a tumblr anon one give me shit for not putting icemav in a fic but it was so fuckin weird to get I just deleted the ask. My brother/sister/comrade in christ I am the most niche rarepair stay-in-my-lane kind of fic writer. I am not a popular author in any fandom I write in. Why on earth would you think I care.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I try to write smut once a year when Eurovision sends me into my annual bisexual frenzy. It's not very good (my smut, not Eurovision)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Short answer is no. Long answer is no with the exception of a Pacific Rim/Assassin's Creed crossover which I keep as a never-to-publish deliriously self-indulgent writing exercise to dip into when I don't feel like being perceived through words. I've got a whole Hytham/Jacob thing going that I'm fucking feral for which is soooooooo big brained of me imo.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of. I've read fics before where I can pick up a clear influence from my work on theirs but nothing like a straight up copy + paste.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah. I've considered translating my own fics into Scots but it feels like a lot of effort for the sprinkle of folks who might read it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No but I wouldn't be against it. I did a lot of rp writing back in the day with OCs and I really liked the collaborative aspect of it.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't pick favourites I love all my insane children equally. I will say most ships I gravitate towards have a doomed by the narrative / love doesn't conquer all but it's enough in the moment kind of dynamic and I can trace that back to some of my early favourites (Ten/Rose, Merthur) to now (Kassidas, Eivor/Vili, RebelCaptain, so on)

15. What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will?

For Those We Left Behind. I have a lot of love for that fic but it is very reflective of the time in my life when I started writing it (bouncing off the walls bored out my tits under lockdown.) Lots of enthusiasm and energy to pour into it but little patience or planning. I look back on it as an unwieldy, rambly thing. I still do pick at it (and want to keep updating) but if we're honest I don't think I'll ever quite reach the finish line beyond the pieces that are already firmed up in my head.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I can turn a tasty metaphor on occasion. I tend to think I have a strong handle on the characters I write the perspective of and put a lot of effort into making them feel true and honest to the source material.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot - there's a reason why I tend to write canon compliant/canon adjacent and it's because it gives me the bones of the canon to work from. Pacing is a perpetual struggle. My attempts at smut are laughable.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If it's done to serve a narrative purpose and/or show something about a character, sure why not. Absolutely abhor written out accents though (unless, again, for a very specific narrative/character purpose.)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter and Stargate. There's probably still some 12/13 year-old Reiver fic floating around in the internet ether that I hope no one is ever subjected to again.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I honestly don't have one - everything I've published I've loved at one point or another for a variety of reasons. Gun to my head I'll say Quiet Promises because I think it's one of the highest quality fics in my catalogue from an editing, pacing, and character perspective. Writing isn't about the technical skill to me though, it's about how it makes me feel and the audience feel, so no favourites here.

Tagging is still dogshit on desktop so consider this an open tag to anyone who wants to do it (but @ me I'm so nosy and want to read the responses)

[emerald-chaos]

Touchdown

*gif not mine, credit goes to the owner*

I just want to take a moment to say thank you for the love on my last fic! It made my lil ole heart swell to see that peopled enjoyed it enough to leave a like or reblog.

This is just something special I had in my arsenal that I wrote for a friend a few months ago. I touched it up a bit and added a few things here and there. It all started when we were talking about how much we loved when Chris' accent got heavier after he'd been drinking, and well, I couldn't help myself lol. I hope you enjoy the fluff! xoxo

I apologize for any grammatical errors, I tried to proof-read but am also a little exhausted lol.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 2844

Warnings: I don't think there's anyway? Mentions of being drunk/drinking alcohol, cursing, and illusions to sexy times, but that's about it.

You hadn’t noticed how furiously your knee was bouncing up and down until the person sitting next to you on the subway got up to move seats once the train squealed to a stop. You sighed and ran your hands down the front of your thighs. Normally being a little late didn’t bother you as much, but tonight you were meeting him.

You flipped your wrist over to check your watch. 8:30pm. In all honesty, it had probably been only thirty seconds later than when you checked it the last time. Another deep sigh escaped from your lips as you started to become hyper aware of the train remaining still at the current stop. What could possibly be taking so long? You knew he wouldn’t care if you were running late, but the time the two of you had together already felt so minuscule. You wanted to capitalize on every second you could.

The train began moving again and you slumped back into your seat, feeling only a small amount of relief. It was becoming painfully apparent that you needed to try and relax. You could feel the sweat building up on your body, the sting on your palms from where your fingernails were pressing in with a vengeance moments ago, and you could hear your heart thumping in your ears. Your hand dug around in your purse for a few moments before finding the small case you were looking for. Opening it, you slipped your headphones into your ears and let your head rest on the window behind you as music intertwined with your thoughts.

Once upon a time, you made fun of people who decided to go to grad school. What kind of a clown would spend thousands of MORE dollars and go BACK to school?? Not to mention the stress of the assignments, the due dates - it was not for you...or so you thought.

Now here you are, a regular booboo the fool.

NYU’s graduate program for design and merchandising wasn’t necessarily part of your 5-year plan, but when the opportunity landed in front of you it was difficult to pass up. NYU was a school you had only dreamt of attending back in high school. When you were a senior in high school you were able to tour the campus and fell in love immediately. Hours upon hours were spent researching grants, scholarships, and all sorts of ways to try to make it happen. However, the dream ended as most teenage dreams do - crushed. There was no way you or your parents could afford the loans that it would surely wrack up to attend the out of state university, and there was no way you could ask your parents take on that kind of debt just so you could go to college. UMass was the way to go - close to home and familiar. Not to mention you were able to obtain several scholarships and grants that helped bring down the cost tremendously. Little did you know, boring ole UMass would bring you one of the most important things in your life.

Applying for graduate school wasn’t an easy decision and one you couldn’t really take all the credit for. A smile crept across your face as you reminisced on the night you nervously brought up the idea to your long-term boyfriend.

“I think you should do it,”

“I know, right?” you scoffed, “it’s insane, why would I do something so stup...wait, what? You do?”

“Of course I do. This is something you love and that you’re passionate about. Do you know how many hours of my life were spent listening to you ramble about NYU?” he questioned with a grin.

“It will open up so many doors for you. We can make things work,” a chuckle escaped from those beautiful lips as he saw your dumbfounded expression. He wrapped his fingers around your waist and pulled you close, “What? Did you expect me to forbid it? Cmon, baby, what kind of guy do you take me for?”

You didn’t have a lot of wins in your life, but you did have Chris.

When you got accepted, he took off a week from work to drive you 3 and a half hours south to help get you settled and moved into your temporary new home. The two of you ate a disgusting amount of pizza, moved a ridiculous amount of heavy furniture in the middle of a summer heat wave, and enjoyed each other’s company before the long-distance thing would set in. Chris spent that week encouraging you every step of the way, talking you off the ledge when you were convinced you had made the wrong decision, and made sure to help you christen every possible surface of your new place in the most deliciously sinful way.

You bit your lip slightly at the thought and a warm feeling spread across your face. Chris was one of the most incredible people you had met in this world. Kind, caring, funny, intelligent, passionate, and god was he sexy. The connection the two of you had was scary at first, but now you just couldn’t imagine spending your life with anyone else.

The robotic voice came over the loud-speaker in the subway car and you were rudely ripped back to reality as it pulled into your stop. You hurriedly scooped up your bag and jogged off the train.

It had been a promise between the two of you when you moved that there would be equal effort when it came to visiting and keeping in contact while having good, open communication. Long distance was hard but the two of you were determined to make it work. FaceTime calls, hours upon hours of texting, and even as far as writing the occasional letter back and forth (because your boyfriend was a hopeless romantic and you loved it so much). This weekend was your turn to come home to visit, and of course your last class had to go longer than anticipated. Fuckin’ Tiffany and her stupid ass questions.

The muscles of your calves burned as you kept up your hurried pace, weaving through the crowds of people gathered on sidewalks outside of various clubs and restaurants. It was a weekend night and the Patriots were playing, which meant the city was more alive than usual. New York was it's own beast, but it was a different type of hustle and bustle. Nights like these made your heart ache for home - the thick Massachusetts accents, the rowdy voices of bar patrons arguing about the game, the hugs shared between family members as they parted after dinner, and the faint smell of nicotine and alcohol that hung in the air.

As the neon sign that hung in the pub window came in to view you felt your heart dip down into your stomach. Last weekend’s visit had to be cancelled due to some stuff coming up with Chris’ work and a surprise assignment for you, so you hadn’t seen your boyfriend in 2 weeks. With a deep breath you swung open the door and scanned the crowd for him. He told you that he would be there promptly at 7:15pm for pregame shenanigans with his friends - which actually translated to how many pitchers of beer could they suck down before kick off.

“Aw, come ON! That is such a bullshit call!”

You heard him before you saw him. Of course. A grin spread across your lips as you shook your head. The thought of leaving to avoid secondhand embarrassment crossed your mind briefly before you picked up your feet and made your way through the crowd toward the sound. A room full of people from New England and you would still recognize that voice anywhere.

Everyone else seemed to fade away as you saw the outline of the tall, dark haired man standing at the bar. The slight freckles that spattered the back of his neck, the Brady jersey that he spent WAY too much money customizing, and the signature backward ball cap were ingrained in your subconscious memory. Not to mention if you didn’t recognize his outline or his voice, you would definitely recognize that ass anywhere.

You loved how passionate he got about sports and the way his Boston accent seemed to get thicker with each beer he consumed. Growing up in the area, you wouldn't think the accent would send a tingle down your spine the way it does, but it was different - it was Chris. Not to mention the sparkle in his eye when he would watch his favorite team or the way he would get in to arguments whenever someone tried to say something negative about them. You loved your big, handsome, over-sized toddler man so damn much.

A light tap on his shoulder made him whip around, his slightly opened mouth from his interrupted conversation curved upwards into a wicked grin as he made the connection of who was finally standing in front of him.

“Hey there, handsome. I don’t see a ring on your finger. You single?” You grinned, feeling your entire body fill with warmth as Chris leaned back and grabbed his chest as he erupted in laughter.

“Nah, nah, nah, unfortunately for you I am taken” he responded as he snaked his arms around your waist, sliding his hands into your back pockets as he pulled you into his figure.

“That is too bad,” you tsk'd, running a finger down his toned bicep, “she’s one lucky girl.”

“I think I’m the lucky one,” he grinned. He leaned down to meet your lips in a kiss. You sighed into it, allowing your body to mold itself so perfectly into his. The taste of beer on his lips and the smell of his cologne was intoxicating - it was home. You immediately allowed him entrance as you felt his tongue glide along your bottom lip. Your body felt small in his strong grip and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit as he gave your ass a firm squeeze. Normally, this type of bold, public display of affection would make you cringe away but at this point you were lost in Chris that you had absolutely no shame. Each time the two of you embraced had always felt like the first. Your heart still fluttered and your knees still got weak, like you were a 16 year old being kissed for the first time.

In the middle of your reunion moment, however, something happened in the game that made the entire bar erupt in boo’s and curses. Chris lifted his lips from yours to look over his shoulder and inspect what he had missed. You laughed and shook your head as you pushed him back towards his friends and took a seat in the bar stool he had been standing behind initially. His large hands found a natural place on your shoulders. While his eyes remained glued on the TV he began applying a moderate amount of pressure to your neck and shoulders. You didn’t realize how much your body craved that touch, his touch, until you immediately melted back into him.

The bartender slid a beer in front of you with a wink and you mouthed your thanks. You felt a twinge in your heart as you looked around, taking in the atmosphere of the bar. This was a typical weekend night for the two of you whenever you were living together. Football, drinks, pub food, and friends. If it wasn’t this pub it was your living room, just a couple blocks away. You didn’t even mind that it was your first night back and you weren’t alone, spending it immediately wrapped up in your satin sheets. The atmosphere, the people - it was so warm and familiar that you really wouldn’t rather be doing anything else. Plus, being wrapped up together in the sheets was sure to follow.

“I missed you,” hummed a pair of lips as they placed a kiss on the shell of your ear. A shiver shot down your spine at the sensation of his warm breath fanning over your neck. You reached up a hand and connected it to the nape of his neck.

“I missed you too,” you replied, turning your head to plant a kiss on his stubbled cheek.

His arms changed position as he wrapped them in front of your shoulders and crossed them, resting his chin on the top of your head. Your hand absentmindedly rubbed his forearms as you nursed your beer and placed your focus onto the game for the first time tonight.

The laughter seemed to escape from your chest naturally and effortlessly the entire night, as it always had a habit of doing when Chris was around. The camaraderie between him and his buddies during a game was something you’d grown to enjoy over the years. Chris’ competitive nature and the way his jaw clenched when something wasn’t going the way he wanted was always kinda...hot. All of his friends were huge assholes, but in the best way. It was always entertaining to hear them jab at each other and do what they could to rile someone up. They were the life of every party you had ever attended and they had a way of making a boring night a lot more interesting.

Thankfully (for the integrity of the bar) the Pats won the game with a surprise touchdown in the last 30 seconds of the game. Chris, being the guy he is, bought a final round for his friends and a nearby group they had been going back and forth with all night. You couldn’t help but laugh as he drunkenly leaned across the counter and slurred his order to the bartender.

“I need a round for m’friends and for these assholes over here who thought Tom Brady was anything but a winner!” the group started yelling in protest and he simply waved them off and started sliding beers down the bar.

The group eventually moved to a bigger round top so everyone could shoot the shit and banter about the outcome of the game. You were tucked into Chris’ side, hands intertwined as he was passionately discussing the importance of Brady’s legacy with a stranger who made the mistake of stopping to talk to him. Your eyes followed the motion of your thumb as it traced small circles onto the back of his. Your other hand under your chin, holding up the weight of your head as your exhaustion started to catch up with you. Chris, although slightly drunk, picked up on your body language and raised your hand to his lips for a kiss.

“Alright, fellas,” he said as he stood up from his seat, pulling you up with him, “the lady and I are gonna call it a night. See you boys next weekend”.

“Chris, we don’t have to go,” you began to protest as he tucked his jacket around your shoulders.

“Mm, ‘course we do,” he replied with a soft smile, “you’re so tired, baby. I can see it in those beautiful eyes”.

You could feel your cheeks turn a light shade of pink as you rolled your eyes at his attempt at laying it on thick. After what felt like a proper 10 minute goodbye session, the group said their final goodbyes, hugs included, and you walked out of the pub hand in hand.

The walk home was filled with the sounds of cars passing by and conversation of what each other had missed in the week prior. Small talk typically felt like such a chore, but with Chris every conversation came naturally. Even when he had absolutely no idea what you were talking about, he would listen intently and ask all the questions as if it was the most interesting conversation in the world.

The lock on the apartment door clicked as you pushed it open and entered. You smiled as you stopped into the middle of the living room, taking in the home you missed so dearly. A soft tapping of toenails against the hardwood made your heart soar as you met the eyes of your sweet pup, Dodger. A squeal left your lips as you squatted down to give love to the sweet boy. Chris always made fun of you when you came home, saying that you always seemed to miss Dodger more than you did him and I mean, he wasn’t entirely wrong about that statement.

Once again lost in your own world, you didn’t even notice Chris leaned up against the wall watching you with a smile.

“Oh my god,” you gushed, standing up, “do you like...like me or something?”

Chris grinned as he crossed the room and caught your belt loop with his finger, pulling you into him slowly.

“Yeah,” his voice had dropped down an octave, “you could say that”.

“Mm,” your tongue swiped across your lower lip and you wrapped your arms around his neck, “care to show me how much?”

The look in his eyes made your core burn. The tension building between you two became too much to handle as you crashed your lips into his. The kisses were messy and you could feel the sense of urgency between you two. His beard scratched against the column of your throat with a delicious burn as he left wet kisses across your jaw and down the side of your neck. Chris’ hands found their way back into the ass pockets of your jeans as he started walking you back towards the direction of the bedroom.

Soon, there was a trail of clothes leading to your bedroom and you felt very sorry for your neighbors. It had been a long time, but Chris always had a way of welcoming you home.

[bakubub]

In which racer!kuroo is your roommate, and seems to only like it when you treat his wounds... (word count: 1.9k)

Ngl quite proud of this one!!

Warnings: 18+, a whole lot of swearing, a whole lot of blood, innuendos and implied nsfw, reader almost vomits (NOT from pregnancy chill, I know we're all scarred but its going to be just fine) and if you're squeamish perhaps skip the scene where reader stitches his wound?

Also bit of a disclaimer: I am in NO WAY a med student and literally all of my knowledge is from movies and other fics... so if you acc know what to do in this situation this may be a torturous for you :D

All due credits go to @aikk00​ for this AMAZING fanart!!!!

I watch as my roommate enters the penthouse, once again scratched up and bleeding, covered in so much blood there is no possible way that it was all his- if it was he would not be standing.

I launch myself off the couch- where I was sitting for the past hour nervously waiting for his return- and slip my arm under his, supporting him as we inched towards the bathroom.

"I can do this by myself you know," he grumbles, his grimace revealing just how much pain he was actually in.

"Mhm, I'm sure you can. Just like you boiled that poor egg by yourself last week, hmm?" I say sarcastically, trying to keep my mind calm and clear, because oh my god it looks really bad this time...

"Oi, its not my fault it fuckin' exploded," he mutters, voice laden with pain.

"You put it in the microwave because 'the shitty water wasn't doing its job.' Of course it would explode," I say, gently seating him on the closed toilet seat and taking out my supplies that I unfortunately have become rather accustomed to using. He's made it a habit to get himself injured.

"Where's the injury?" I ask, setting down my half-empty bottle of antiseptic and box of bandages. He peels off his shirt, cringing at the pain it brought him as the fabric was stuck to the gash that went from his left pectoral down to the middle of his chest.

"Pissed off a bidder after winning a race, fucker took out a knife once he realised he couldn't beat me up," he huffs out, arrogance still lacing his tone even with sweat dripping down his brow as he leans the back of his head onto the tile wall behind him. His Adam's apple bobs down his bloodstained neck as he speaks, and I quickly look away, focusing on the injury at hand.

Not his blood soaked, but nevertheless well defined pectoral muscles, nor the abs that my hands occasionally brush up against and know how hard they really are, and definitely not the trail of black hairs that lead down, down, down...

"What's wrong, the view too hot to focus on the work at hand?" He asks suggestively, raising his pierced brow, even in this state.

I'm quick to reply, having gotten used to his flirtatious remarks from the second I moved into his penthouse, "nope can't even see the view from that massive head of yours. Not to mention your permanent bed head."

He huffs out a laugh, then proceeds to flinch from the pain it must have caused.

"Stop moving, idiot. You're going to exacerbate the cut!" I say, quickly grabbing a damp towel and beginning to clean up his abdomen, whilst simultaneously pressing another rag to his wound to stop the bleeding.

“At least you admit that there is a hot view,” he says in his low voice, gazing at me from his position.

I simply roll my eyes.

No falling in love. That was the deal we had made on the day he offered me a place to stay in exchange for my services as a maid and apparently, a nurse. I cook, clean and basically keep the house running while this moron goes out and acts like the idiot he is. In my defense, dorms are expensive as hell, and his penthouse is nearby. Plus, I don't have to pay rent. It's a win-win situation.

But the feelings stirring up inside my heart might just ruin the dynamic we have going on and simultaneously take out a whole lot of cash out of my pocket.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

Once his skin isn't completely saturated in blood, and the wound has (thankfully) stopped bleeding, I add some antiseptic onto a make-up pad and begin to dab at his wound, earning winces and slight grunts from the massive man.

"The cut looks deep, Kuroo. You need to go to the hospital," I say, worry lacing my tone as my eyebrows crease and earn yet another huffing laugh.

"Do you want me to rot in prison for the rest of my life?"

I roll my eyes at his response, deliberately dabbing just a little harder which earns me a yelp and an attempted glare in my direction.

"First off, illegal street racing won't send you to prison for your entire life, just for like, half a year. Second, this wound needs stitches, and believe it or not, I'm not a fucking licensed medic. In fact, the only experience I have is with you!" I say, immediately regretting my choice of words as I wait for his remark.

"That's what she said," He says, chuckling at his own innuendo.

I sigh in frustration, pouring more antiseptic to make sure there was no chance of infection from whatever grimy ass knife stabbed him, and beginning to gently scrub the wound with a soft towel, so as to make sure there was no debris left in there.

"You're gonna have ta do it," he mutters, his hazel eyes boring into mine.

"I- I can't Kuroo, you can't possibly think-"

"Fine. I'll do it. Go get me a needle and thread," he states, struggling but nevertheless, sitting upright on the red stained toilet.

I stare at Kuroo in disbelief as he utters these words. Was he dumber than I thought? Does he have some sort of head injury too?

I examine his face and all I come up with is unnerving determination. I exhale out of my nose sharply, "fine, dammit. I'll sew your fucking wound shut."

I am extremely handy with a sewing needle and thread, used to really be into embroidery back when I had the time so...it should be fine.

He just shrugs, leaning his head back against the tiles and closing his eyes.

"Fucking asshole. Can't believe I'm saving your damn life," I mutter, leaving the bathroom to dig through my wardrobe for my sewing box and taking out a gold silk thread that I was saving for a special project.

Well, I guess that will never happen.

"Hey, I found some silk thread. It's literally known for its strength and durability in high temperatures, so it should work like a charm!" I say, walking back into the blood stained bathroom and trying to psych myself up.

He grunts in response. I sigh as I begin with mopping up the excess blood and sanitising the needle and thread before chucking on gloves.

I wipe the antiseptic over the wound once more, and examine it carefully.

Well, if his condition worsens, I can always knock him out and call an ambulance...

I decide, screw it, and thread the needle, pretending it was just another embroidery project.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, I chant as I puncture his skin with the thin needle.

Kuroo gasps in pain, and I place a hand on his knee, telling him to suck it up and deal with it, half talking to him but also to myself.

To my surprise, he listens, stretching his head back once more and gritting his teeth.

"Don't do that, here put this in-between your teeth," I say, grabbing yet another towel and shoving it into his mouth.

He obeys as I continue to stitch. I feel my gag reflex kicking in as I think about how stitching skin feels as though I am stitching leather, it feels hard and tough while pushing the thin needle through.

Must hurt like a bitch.

Once I've completed my neat stitches down the wound, without vomiting, I tie it off as I would with any embroidery, and clean the area free of any remaining blood. After rubbing some antibacterial ointment over the gold stitches, I stick on a particularly large bandage over the wound and start tidying up.

"Thank you," Kuroo mutters, still seated on the toilet seat and practically panting for breath.

"Ah, the criminal knows his damn manners!! Now get up and get in the damn shower. You ruined my pristine bathroom!" I complain, putting the last of the materials away before walking to the door.

"Wait, I- I can't get up." I turn around and look at him incredulously as he utters his next few words, "will you... shower me?"

My eyes just about pop out of their sockets at his request. "Are you insane?! I'm not your mother, nor your wife! Call your pudding haired friend and tell him to come shower you!"

He shakes his head, a rare pleading look taking the place of his usual arrogant smirk, "Kenma's too lazy to shower himself, Y/n, please!"

I contemplated it for a moment. Sure, I've seen him naked before, accidentally of course, and so what if I have to scrub him clean. God knows he can't do it himself with that damn injury.

Fuck this shit.

"Fine, get up right now." I bark at him, leaving to change out of my blood soaked pjs into a pair of shorts and a tank.

"...I just said I can't."

---

"Ow, y/n, you're scrubbing too hard!" He complains, his exfoliating glove around my hand as I rub his toned back clean of any dead skin-cells and blood remains.

"But look how much stuff is coming off!" I say gleefully, enjoying this a little too much.

Kuroo, seated on the built-in bench in the open shower with his red boxers on, looks back to see the satisfaction dripping from my features.

"Are you secretly a sadist?" he whispers. In response, I begin to rinse off his raw back with hot water, causing him to screech like a cat.

"It burns, it burns-”

“Shut the fuck up, moron! It's 4 in the morning, you’re going to annoy our neighbours. I tried very hard to get in their good graces, and Mrs. Suzuki still doesn’t like me! She definitely thinks I’m some kind of hooker…” Kuroo laughs at this, and I can’t help but watch as his whole face brightens up from his usual emotionless expression. I find myself smiling in response.

I grab his expensive shampoo and pour some into my hands, beginning to massage it into his scalp. With wet hair, his raven strands are for once flat on his head and reach down to his defined jawline. Kuroo groans under my touch, leaning into my fingers. I snatch my hands back and pour hot water over his head.

"ARGH! Y/N!" He screams, hastily getting up and wetting me in the process.

"Ah- what are you-" I don't get to finish my question as he grabs my arm and yanks me next to him under the hot water, soaking my clothes and my hair.

"You asshole!" I screech as I reach up to pull his hair in defiance, but he only grabs my arm and hooks it around his neck, leaning down to look directly into my eyes.

Our noses brushing against one another, he mutters, "You look pretty with your hair wet and your shirt see through."

It takes me a moment to get past the compliment and to hear the perverted comment that he just uttered.

He sees my look of confusion and laughs, bends over, clutches his stomach and laughs, before bellowing in pain because of his injury.

Smiling smugly down at him as he grimaces, I force him to sit back down and continue massaging the shampoo into his hair, warning him that if he so much as moaned I would leave him in here, dripping wet and in pain.

"That's what he said," is his reply.

I smack his head in response.

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[balillee]

my unpopular dsmp opinions, some of which genuinely should be popular

c!dream has crossed the moral event horizon and is irredeemable. once you cross that threshold, you're no longer a 'morally grey' character.

pre-recorded, heavily produced lore killed the lore. it was cool, sure, but you completely misunderstand the magic that the smp had when people watched it initially. the story is improv and that's how we like it. we can tell the cc's have lost interest in it, you can admit that to us, we'll understand, just stop lying to me.

c!dream's pov isn't necessary to understand his character or his motivations. if you've watched literally any c!primeboys stream he's basically spelled it out for you.

i don't understand how fans can dislike l'manberg or have claimed to be against it since the beginning. i honestly don't get it. what's so bad about wanting your own spot where you make your own rules and skirt accountability that has been used to technically oppress you before - and, before someone who never saw the earlier streams tries to disagree with this, the og l'manberg crew were imprisoned for shit that everyone else on the server was practically encouraged to do. also, what do you have against fun and happiness?

i think some of you forget that 'hybrids' aren't a thing, discounting c!ranboo. there's no piglin hybrids, c!techno is just a pig. there's no avian hybrids, c!phil is just a man with wings. there's no creeper hybrids, c!sam is just a creeper who's indecently exposed from the hips down. canonically there's no hybrids, and therefore no hybrid discrimination. people ran with that concept too much.

the loss and the fanon rewriting of the early lore up until pogtopia has ruined fandom perception of c!dream and the og l'manberg boys. c!tommy is more morally white than you think he is, and c!dream has always been a villain - he massacres and he kills and he destroys and he schemes and he always has broken his own rules. no wonder the boys wanted their own space after how they were treated.

i think ranboo oftentimes forgets his own lore. he brings stuff up that c!ranboo may have done, such as exploding the community house to frame c!tommy, holding onto Cat, and it goes absolutely nowhere. we've gotten all of these developments in his story but they have never been expanded on, and we're nowhere closer to figuring out his relationship to c!dream and what his other side is and honestly i see no hope that we'll be any closer to knowing even by the end of the year.

your characters don't all have to be morally grey for the story itself to be morally grey. this is fiction - some people can be nothing but evil and others can be nothing but good. being purely good or evil doesn't mean that you're one dimensional, either.

c!dream apologists have ruined c!dream for me. he's not a good person. how about you let me enjoy a villain for who he actually is, rather for than your percieved woobified ragdoll you pass off as c!dream.

the story was better when there was a central writer. it was brilliant back when wilbur wrote it to be that the environment drives the characters and the story, and it was really good in early s2 up until techno's execution day when it was more character driven. since then, the amount of autonomy people have over their characters without any central 'director', as it were, has been a detriment to the story overall. there needs to still be one overarching figure or director or writer.

not everyone is a main character. just because they have a pov, doesn't mean they're a main character. some characters have such little impact on the overall plot and describing everyone as a main character oversaturates the story and makes some characters seem more important than they are.

the egg lore had so much potential up until it didn't. all that built up threat that we were expecting and we still don't even know what the egg wants really other than just controlling people. does it hatch?

genuinely, if there's no major plot developments by the end of the year (and let's be honest, it's a very big possibility at this point), a few of the more prominent members of the server should do a podcast style stream talking about where the story would have gone, because at least then we would have gotten somewhat closer to a conclusion.

c!techno is a villain and an asshole and a bad person. he stops caring for people once their interests don't align with his or if they look at him funny. he makes meta-jokes about his own tyrannical and oppressive nature. stop taking that away from him. he's a bad person. cc!techno does a fabulous job portraying that in a comedic manner and the balancing of him being a deeply flawed person with deeply flawed morals and ideas with his comedically-portrayed stubbornness and lack of willingness to hear out opposing viewpoints is incredible. i want to like characters who are arseholes for the sake of being arseholes, and who refuse to take into account the hurt they've caused either out of self-righteousness or because they don't care, so let me. he's the anti-peacemaker, LET ME HIM ENJOY HIM FOR THAT!!!!

i think tommy and wilbur's way of doing lore is my favourite. relies heavily on improv, voice acting, sprite acting and facial expressions. really shows off the acting props and they pull off the emotional moments well for the insanity of the creative medium.

i'm not a fan of fan-music. i find songs about media i'm into difficult to listen to. coincidentally i'm also not a fan of shit like slam poetry or live music/musicals/pantomimes.

the death of l'manberg killed people's motivation to go on the server casually. i've talked about it more in depth before, but destroying what was a central, driving environment for the story killed momentum and motivation. imagine in an episode of she-ra, the princess alliance just nuke the freight zone and all of the members of the horde just have to deal with it. that would be shit.

until season 3 has some momentum, i'm counting the end of the smp as january 20th. that had a conclusion. season 3 has... whores, technoblade and tommyinnit. that's about it.

i wasn't a fan of the development of c!tubbo joining las nevadas. i preferred snowchester and the walled city conflict. give c!tubbo some backbone and some badassery. also tubbo where's the fucking nuke bro if you're shelving that plotline just tell us on like an alt stream what the plan was i beg

add like 2 or 3 new people to the server so that michael mcchill has someone to talk to and so that there's something always happening on the server. it gives the og's more motivation to return if things are happening in and out of canon and it'll help with momentum, and who knows? maybe they can write their own story/stories.

i really think that c!sam is an underrated character. he's multilayered, extremely interesting, and the dichotomy of his loyalty to his job and how far down the rabbithole that's taken him versus the genuine love he has for his friends that drives him to do what he does out of wanting to do right by them is brilliant. i don't talk about c!sam enough.

STOP HAVING FUCKING VILLAIN ARCS!!! I'M FUCKIN SICK OF IT!!!! i want to see more characters who see everyone else being absolute selfish, abhorrent cunts and go 'if nobody else is going to be a good person, i fucking will'. GIVE ME SOME MORAL WHITENESS!!! IT'S INTERESTING AND MORALLY GOOD CHARACTERS ARE FUN!!!

let tommyinnit build cobblestone towers. everyone bullied him too much for how ugly they were and the one he built outside of the prison looked genuinely really nice. it gives the boy something to do.

i'm a fan of the revive book and the canon lives system. don't ask me why, but i think it might just be the morbidity of it. it adds to c!dream's god complex persona, and i think the fragility of death itself is a really fun concept. not enough fan cc's have made connections with that and c!mumza, and it could make for cool fanfic.

ranboo your house is fucking ugly. it's an eyesore

c!niki, and to some extent now c!jack and c!fundy, are boring me and ruining my mood. i think c!jack is the closest to being an actually interesting sympathetic villain, mainly because nobody else seems to realise that c!niki is a villain. not a good one imo, but she's a villain. c!jack just has the problem of starting a new project over and over and over and over again and because of the slow in momentum for the primary cast, there hasn't been a lot of recent development for him.

not really a dream smp opinion, but if philza went full geordie accent, i would love it. i want him to, in canon, say shit like 'me n ye' instead of 'me and you' and use geordie dialect. i want him to be physically unintelligible because it's funny.

i don't really know what's up with c!foolish but i think he's a dumbass. he had a while to think about c!q's proposal and then changed his mind about joining the guy to admitted to letting him die just because. moron

i wish there was more c!eret lore. i wish he was an actual king with an actual kingdom and actual subjects and royal advisors. c!eret is far too fucking cool to be the king of nothing and nobody. fatten up the kingdom and the castle with people who work with c!eret, and don't just make it tyrannical and dictator-y to prove the point of the server's 'anarchists'. make it a healthy working environment, please - if you want moral greyness, have 'anarchists' who claim to care about the welfare of the server oppose a kingdom of happy people under a fair and just ruler because their ideologies clash.

the server needs more characters who oppose anarchy in more peaceful ways, or passively wish for systems to be a part of. i think a chaos vs order conflict ending only in mutual understanding where everyone understands that they should just leave each other alone would slot nicely into the story that's been created so far.

you need to have watched all of the previous arcs to understand the story. i've seen people argue that they don't need to know about earlier lore to understand the prison, but that's the equivalent of only watching the final season of pretty little liars and expecting to understand the context of what's going on.

some characters aren't that morally grey. some characters, take c!tommy for example, are definitely on the whiter side for the morality scale, he's just an asshole. he's abrasive and rude and a dickhead but he also doesn't agree with terrorism, he's patriotic, he strives for a better world, he's apologetic, but he's also a fucking BITCH.

you can add onto this if you want, but not if you're a c!dream apologist. nobody likes your opinions

[tricktster]

So I once again have a lot of new followers, meaning that it’s time for my periodic disclosure that I started this blog back in 2015 to promote *deep breath* my Explicit Sans/Reader Undertale fanfic, Chill or Be Chilled.

If you’re rolling your eyes at that title, that’s totally justified because it was super halfassed, much like I initially expected the whole fic would be. If you’re rolling your eyes at the words “explicit,” “Sans,” and “Reader,” buddy, you aren’t alone, because I never would have chosen that particular combo of content and characters if I hadn’t been up to a scheme to bilk you fuckin’ rubes for all you’re worth.

I’m kidding. Kind of. Like, I didn’t really think that it would ever go anywhere at the outset: I began writing a few months after I graduated grad school and immediately thereafter got incredibly, INCREDIBLY sick, leading to a month long hospitalization that absolutely destroyed my path to get a paid job in my chosen field for about a year (I had to wait months to take a qualifying exam that’s only offered twice a year due to the hospitalization.)

So there I was, recovering from medical trauma, bored and aimless, unemployed, wildly depressed, and suddenly trying to scrape by in my manhattan apartment without a revenue source or student loans to facilitate my doing so. At the time, I was just like “eh, I’ll try my hand at writing fanfic, how hard could it be? and like, maybe i can get some people to donate money if I get enough clicks… and then I can use that money to buy food that isn’t just toast/ketchup sandwiches!!!!!”

What can I say? It honestly wasn’t my wildest scheme; it was 2015, I was seeing tons of thirsty Sans content on tumblr, I’d actually played Undertale so for once I had some context for THE popular tumblr fandom of the time… aaand honestly, I just thought it would be hilarious to write an entirely earnest sex scene where one of the participants was a literal skeleton. I studied screenwriting pretty seriously in college, I knew how to write dialogue and set up a vague narrative arc, I figured I’d write like 15 chapters and maybe get 50$ from generous readers if i was lucky.

Weirdly, even at the very beginning, this plan seemed to actually play out as I hoped? I was only giving it like 40% effort and I was writing absolute fluff for the most part, but I still picked up a few hundred readers and even got a few donations that permitted me to enjoy both pasta AND sauce at the same time!

The thing is, like I said, that I spent my undergrad years writing and critiquing screenplays. I knew that what I was writing could only be engaging for so long without some force driving the narrative, and it turned out that I couldn’t turn the part of my brain that was constantly analyzing plot structure off. And like… I liked writing fiction again. I’d stopped doing that once the 2008 recession turned all the entry level positions that could eventually lead to a writer’s room gig into unpaid internships, forcing me to abandon my dreams and instead pursue the goal of Being A Rich Corporate Asshole. I was actually pretty good at that last part (still am), but I missed writing fiction; more specifically, I missed writing GOOD fiction. I discovered that in spite of my initial lazy intentions, I couldn’t just keep halfassing it.

So, I decided to full-ass it. I began outlining and seriously working on my character development, and since I was the one writing it, I decided that it would be the kind of story I’d actually want to read - sure, there would still be some fluff, I’d still write a few skeleton sex scenes (and I wasn’t wrong, those WERE hilarious to write), but there would also be action and eldritch horrors and quippy dialogue and a billion plot twists down the road that I’d have to earn by laying the groundwork down up front.

Once I decided to fully commit to telling a story, I started having a ton of fun with it, and the quality improved exponentially…. and now, years down the road, I am the author of a 484k word, 176 chapter undertale fanfic that is currently the 884th most kudos-ed work on Ao3, which doesn’t sound that impressive until you consider that’s 884 out of 8,713,596, which puts it in the top .0001 percent. And that, unless I got the math wrong, is a batshit bonkers insane percentile to be in. It took some fuckin’ WORK, my dudes, but as a result I can now say with full sincerity that I am incredibly proud of the explicit Sans/Reader Undertale fanfic that, as one anon once pointed out, I kind of wrote as a joke for an audience of myself?

Anyway, I’m sharing all this because like after years and years of having this information in my head I just managed to FINALLY explain to @wrexie the exact layout of the location that like 70% of the story takes place in - I never managed to shake the screenwriting instinct to keep the location budget manageable - and now I feel like my soul can finally rest. Unfortunately, I was able to do that by sharing google maps photos of a mansion that I drove by a lot in high school, and it seems super invasive to the owners to plop that in a public post, but if you’ve read it and you FINALLY want to understand where all the rooms are in relation to each other, DM me and I’ll send you a screenshot lol.

Also, if any if this intrigued you, you should probably give the fic a shot, the link’s at the top of this post. As I mentioned, the first few chapters are pure fluff, but the plot starts to pick up steam pretty early on… and then you hit chapter 44, the pandering is officially put to rest, and from that point forward it’s a goddamn blast.

[shepherds-of-haven]

If Mc had to go clothes shopping for a new fancy dress/suit/robe which shepherds would be the best companions? Who would give the worst fashion advice?

Ooooh I love this!

Best to worst shopping companions:

Lavinet: fashion expert, rich af, and a great friend to talk you up and compliment you. The experience might be dampened if you're an impatient shopper because she won't leave until every little thing looks right. She also might come off as a bit critical and dramatic if she sees clothing items she doesn't like, but that's only because she wants the best for you, darling!!!

Briony: while not necessarily a fashion expert, she is super excited to be there with you, will make it all about beautifying you and sincerely having fun with it, and is basically your #1 hypewoman. Shopping experience is a 10, but her actual fashion advice is suspect because she thinks EVERYTHING looks great on you and will never say that something looks bad... she'll only fake-smile and flip you a thumbs up, so it can be tricky if you're looking for a really critical eye!

Shery: she is brilliant at picking out things that she thinks will look good on you, though she might be easily shocked or scandalized if your tastes run towards skimpy or outlandish. She is not very good at proffering criticism, however, and is generally meek enough to have her opinion run roughshod over, so if you want an honest opinion, she may not be your best option.

Chase: great fashion expert, will always make you look (and feel) insanely hot, patient and happy to just be chilling with you. However, you have to keep a close eye on him to make sure he's not pocketing or stealing stuff on the sly, almost unconsciously out of habit, which puts a ding in the shopping experience.

Red: he says he's no fashion expert and that he just "rolls out of bed" in the mornings, but have you seen his hair? The "casually" rolled up sleeves? No one looks like that without an hour of careful grooming. He's a fairly good adviser on fashion, though he's not terribly interested in shopping if it takes more than an hour. He'll be polite and stick with you through the whole day if you want, but you can tell his attention and energy starts to waver after a while!

Riel: another fashion expert, though his tastes run towards laconic and sober and he tends to project that onto other people. He does not have a ton of patience, though, so don't expect him to sit there for hours while you try things on. Also does not know how to buffer "that looks horrible" with nicer words, potentially leading to conflict.

Trouble: pretty good shopping companion, horrible fashion advice. He's happy to tag along with you, for the most part, though he'll start to get bored and insouciant after an hour or so; but it's generally a pleasant time with him! However, you should never listen to him for fashion advice. Matching colors? Never fuckin' heard of 'em. No stripes with spots? Why the hell not? His measure of "things you should wear" stops at "badass," so he will endorse you wearing a coat made out of a bear and the biggest, glitteriest gunbelt known to man with the tiniest halter top you can find with no issues. I realize I made that sound cool, but if you let him dress you for a day, you'll realize how awful his fashion sense really is.

Blade: he's a... quiet shopping companion, proffering very little advice or feedback. Like, he'll patiently follow you around while you shop or silently stand guard outside of the store to make sure no threats approach you from the street, but he'll give very little input on your actual shopping choices (at least when it comes to clothes). If you try and force him to give his opinion, all he's good for is looking hopelessly lost or awkwardly uncomfortable. Did you see what he did when MC dressed up before Riel's ball? He straight up just ran away instead of paying her a compliment. Stupid, weird idiot, but strangely endearing in the way he's willing to just be around you and say absolutely nothing.

Tallys: she doesn't like clothes shopping and has no patience for fashion, really. Being an Elf, she's seen a lot of fashion trends come and go, to the point where they mean almost nothing to her, so your shopping experience might be full of her railing against the clothes of today and the outfits of yesteryear like an old woman. It's like, not horrible, but she shouldn't be your first choice for clothes shopping.

Halek: you basically won't have a shopping companion because he'll sneak away to have a nap while you're getting dressed and basically ditch you...

Ayla: ❌. Full stop. She has absolutely 0 patience for clothes shopping and is very likely to get impatient, bored, rude, or belligerent with the shopkeepers within an hour. She sees no issues with putting her dirty shoes up on their couch while she waits for you to get dressed, complaining loudly all the way. She starts brawls in shops with uppity customers who look at her the wrong way. She absolutely shits on the worst accessories she sees, even in front of the owners who are selling them. Don't take her clothes shopping. She won't regret it, but you will.