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edwardskhakipants · 3 years

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Forks, Washington. August 2004.

Esme and Carlisle stood in the middle of their grand living room, waiting for their five vampire children to arrive. Alice arrived first—prompt as usual. She settled herself gracefully onto the tufted sofa Esme had recently acquired, only to be immediately jostled by Emmett who heaved himself onto the cushions. A breath caught in Esme’s throat—she had lost many pieces from her beloved collection by that action—but it looked like this one was still in one piece. For the moment. Jasper took Edward’s normal spot in the only armchair, forcing Edward to wedge himself between Alice and Emmett.

“What?” Rosalie grumbled as she perched on the armrest of the couch beside Emmett, “Are we having another one of those How to Respect the Telepath in Your Life meetings again?”

“No,” Edward answered, fully aware of the intent of this meeting since it hatched in Carlisle's mind two days prior. “But there’s never a bad time to bring that up. Christ, Emmett, if you’re going to have a song stuck in your head for over seventy-two hours, the least you can do is learn the correct lyrics.”

Emmett’s eyebrows knit together, asking his brother a silent question.

“It’s ‘mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido,’” Edward answered.

Emmett’s brow furrowed doubtfully.

“No.” Edward shook his head, answering Emmett’s thoughts. “Why would he eat a beetle?”

Emmett grinned playfully and tilted his head towards Edward.

Edward wasn’t amused. “You know what it means.”

A silly grin plastered on his face, Emmett elbowed Edward in the ribs, silently egging him on.

Edward’s eyes darted to Carlisle, then Esme, and he shifted in his seat. “Sexual desire,” he muttered.

Emmett howled with laughter and clapped his hands once, “Wow, Eddie! You’re just going to say that in front of Esme!?” Edward scowled as Emmett’s bouts of laughter echoed through the room.

Esme ran a hand through her youngest’s ginger hair. “Boys,” she warned, and Emmett sucked in his laughter.

“Our meeting today has to do with all of you,” Carlisle began.

“We simply wanted to go over the rules of attending school with you kids before you start your second year at Forks High School,” Esme explained, unfolding and re-folding her hands in front of her. “There are already whispers, and we don’t want those whispers to turn into rumors.”

“I thought the only whispers about us at school were whether or not Edward liked girls,” Rosalie said, earning an eye-roll from Edward.

“No,” Alice chirped,” Some kids think we’re a cult.”

Jasper leaned back heavily in his chair. “We haven’t heard that one since the Seventies.”

“Kids are getting more creative these days.” Emmett nodded appreciatively.

Esme held up one, delicate finger. “Which is why it is best to take preventative action.”

Carlisle took the floor. “We thought a few reminders would be helpful before you started your first day of your second year,” Carlisle said. “We don’t want another incident like the one we had at the end of last year.”

Every head in the room turned towards Emmett.

“What?” Emmett threw up his hands in exasperation, “The water gun fight was the senior prank—I wasn’t the one who brought them to the school. Hell, I wasn’t even the only student who got suspended!”

“That’s true,” Carlisle agreed, “but you were the only student to shout, ‘Sit down, kids! Daddy’s gotta tinkle,’ and shoot the stream of the gun from your crotch.”

Jasper snickered—the sound was immediately silenced by a single raised eyebrow from Esme.

“I still don’t see the problem,” Emmett continued, “That’s not necessarily a vampire thing.”

Edward—who often mistook himself as the third vampire parent rather than the youngest son—sighed, “Yes, but it brings unnecessary attention to the family. Which is the first rule: do not bring attention to yourself.”

Esme ran her fingers through her son’s hair once more, “Yes, darling, you are especially good at keeping to yourself.” Edward’s eyes widened, despite Esme’s gentle touch, already aware of where her point was headed. “So much so, that I have been given the names of several child therapists to help my son through his depression. One was recommended for his exceptional work on spotting and treating the early signs of sociopathic behavior.”

Esme grabbed her son’s chin and forced him to look at her. “You have to talk to other people.”

Knocked off his high horse, Edward flinched back from Esme’s hand. “Friendship with humans never bodes well for us.”

“We’re not asking you to create lifelong friendships with humans,” Carlisle clarified, “We are simply asking you to be likable.”

“A nearly impossible feat for Edward.” Rosalie grinned. The comment went unnoticed, save Edward’s slight flinch. But the quick, little tick was satisfying enough for Rose.

“Look at your father,” Esme gestured towards Carlisle, “At every hospital he works at, he goes out of his way to ensure he is well-liked among his colleagues. He forces down countless lunches and coffees, solely to make sure they’re comfortable around him.”

Carlisle took over. “And your mother, a beloved member of her gardening club and a prized member of the PTA.”

“And neither of us have rumors started about us, and do you know why?”

All five teenagers grumbled the ingrained response. “Humans don’t want to spread rumors about people they like.”

“Exactly.” Esme nodded.

“I try!” Alice whined, “But Edward never lets me talk to any humans.”

“That’s because every, single thing that is about to come out of your mouth is incriminating. You might as well walk around with a neon sign that says, ‘I’m a psychic vampire’.”

Alice scoffed, “Is not!”

“You wanted to tell Nihal Howard not to audition for the musical.”

“And he broke his leg on opening night,” Alice challenged.

“You were going to tell Christiana Ward that pink was not her color.”

“And she lost prom queen to Ashley Kirby.”

Jasper put a comforting hand on his wife’s knee. “Maybe try not to meddle so much, darlin’. Natural relationships, first.”

“They would have been!” Alice wailed, “I would have played it cool and casual and made friends and you all would have seen it! But everyone’s hurt and I have no friends at all because Edward won’t let me try!”

Edward rolled his eyes.

Carlisle suppressed a heavy sigh. “You have to let your sister try, Edward.”

Edward’s mouth fell open. “You cannot seriously be siding with her on this!”

But Carlisle stood his ground. He and Edward stared at one another for a few seconds, engaged in a silent conversation. In the end, Carlisle tilted his chin and Edward slumped back. Victorious, Alice used both pointer fingers to jab Edward in the side several dozen times at vampire speed.

Rosalie flipped her golden locks over her shoulder. “I don’t know how you all struggle so much. I have no issues with becoming well-liked at school while remaining inconspicuous.”

“Oh yeah, you’re so inconspicuous,” Edward grumbled, now extra-petty that he had been called out two times in one meeting. “You dress like you're on your way to brunch at your second husband’s country club in Beverly Hills and you make out with your foster brother. The perfect picture of discretion in Forks High School.”

“At least I don’t dress like a sad, old man.” Rosalie grimaced, disappointed in her comeback. The light, humorous insults that were required in family situations were Emmett’s forte; Rosalie’s insults were meant to emotionally cripple a person.

Edward sat up in his seat on the couch and turned to face Rosalie. “I think you missed the main takeaway in that you make out with your foster brother.” Edward turned back. “I can read your minds, and I still don’t understand what made either of you think it was okay to bring your relationship to school?!”

Emmett smiled, unperturbed. “It’s hot.”

“It’s disturbing,” Edward disagreed.

Esme frowned, “You kids don’t really do that, do you?”

“Would it help if Jasper and I became an official couple too?” Alice suggested. Jasper perked up at the idea of being able to hold hands with Alice in public again.

“No!” Edward yelled at the same time Emmett and Rosalie muttered their acquiesce.

“It wouldn’t seem as weird if there were two couples,” Emmett agreed.

Edward dug his fingers through his hair. “Oh my god!”

“...maybe not, kids,” Esme intervened, but was ultimately ignored.

“So should we come out today like it happened over the summer, or make a little show out of it?” Alice asked Rosalie.

Rosalie waved a hand in the air. “Oh, it’s way more fun if you play up the theatrics.”

“A little more realistic, too,” Emmett agreed.

Alice looked to Jasper for his opinion. “It might be better if we were discreet about it,” she said. “Like we knew it was wrong, but we wouldn’t let anything stand in the way of our love.”

Jasper scooted forward to the edge of his seat. “Or we could let it be quiet and drawn out. Let others see our mutual pining, and root for us to be together.”

Gazing deep into the golden eyes of her soulmate, Alice sighed, “I love that.”

“If people wanted us to get together, it would normalize Emmett and Rosalie’s relationship.”

“Or Rosalie and Emmett could stop,” Edward suggested, bitterly. “That would be normal, too.”

“Oh, Edward,” Alice patted his shoulder, “You’ll find love someday, too.”

“That is not at all what bothers me about the situation.”

Carlisle made the decision for everyone. “Rosalie and Emmett, break up at school. Alice and Jasper, remain friends and siblings.”

Disappointment filtered into the room through Jasper.

“I heard that,” Edward grumbled at someone’s thoughts.

“You were supposed to,” Rosalie shot back.

“We are also initiating a new rule,” Esme brought the room back to the conversation at hand, “No more correcting your teachers.”

A chorus of complaints rang from the couch.

Esme clicked her tongue, “I’m tired of defending you all from entirely preventable issues. I have emails from curious teachers wondering why my foster daughter is taking French 101, when she already appears to be fluent.” Esme looked at Rosalie, who immediately tucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “Or why my son, at the tender age of sixteen, could not only deadlift three hundred pounds in his first weightlifting class, but also give his coach tips on improving his posture.”

Emmett glanced over at Edward before he realized Esme was, in fact, addressing him. “What!?”

Jasper snorted. The sound was a mistake, for it brought Esme’s wrath onto him. “And not to mention the emails from not one, not two, but three teachers warning me that my foster son has an intimate understanding of the mechanics of a point fifty-eight caliber rifle-musket.” Esme held out her hands, almost pleadingly, “How does that subject keep coming up, Jasper?”

A noncommittal grunt was the only answer Jasper had for that question.

“No more,” she commanded. “You can get good grades but keep your extra knowledge on any subject to yourself. Whatever your teacher teaches is all you know. Understand?”

“But what if we—” Edward started.

“Understand?” Esme repeated.

The five teenage vampires understood, even if they didn’t want to.

“I believe that all five of you will graduate from Forks High School!” Esme cheered.

The kids stared back, unable to muster the zeal Esme had over the prospect.

“Meeting adjourned!” Carlisle announced, and faster than fast vampire speed, the kids bolted from their seats.

Esme was able to get in a few more reminders as her children flitted around the house and filed out to the silver Volvo. “Remember to buy lunch with cash and not your credit cards. Emmett, please do not joke about being mauled by a bear. Do not address your teachers by their first names—I don’t care if you’re older than they are, Edward. Alice, please wear something a bit more causal, pet.”

When the house was finally empty, Carlisle pulled Esme backwards into his chest and began massaging her temples. The gesture wasn’t needed, but any touch from her husband was always welcome.

“Do you think they’ll listen?” she asked her husband.

“Not a chance.”

#this bad boy had been swimming around in my head for awhile #please enjoy #my other fics havent been cullen centric enough for me lately #so i had to do something #twilight fic #twilight fan fiction #and thank you to the editing queen edwardsmate4ever for beta'ing for me #youre a queen

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brunchbitch · 2 years

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The long awaited proposal story!

so monday august 8th 2022 was the five year anniversary of our first date. i had told A a few months ago that there was a moment on that first date as we were walking along the bike path that i looked up at him and had the thought "i'm going to marry this man". at the time, i thought it was pretty ridiculous. we had met online and this was only our first date! later, when we broke up, i thought my intuition was wrong. little did i know...

A wanted to recreate our first date, i.e. ice cream at a great local shop and then a walk along the bike path in davis square. he made dinner reservations for 5:30pm which i thought was a little weird since it was so early, but we had also had a long and busy weekend so i didn't think too much of it. we had yummy wood fired pizza and played word games (what am i thinking, wrench or rabbit, target!!). at one point, he took out his phone and looked at it. he suddenly seemed a little impatient and hurried. i was wondering if he got some bad news or something, but he didn't elaborate. it's weird bc he really doesn't look at his phone when he's with me. he's not addicted to it like i am!

we went for ice cream probably by 6:30 lol and we decided to get milkshakes that we could take with us on the walk. it was fucking HOT and humid, my least favorite type of weather, and i almost wanted to ask A if we could skip the walk and go home instead, but i thought it was sweet and nostalgic to recreate the date, so i sucked it up. at one point, i saw a photographer on the side of the path, taking a picture of some plants. i remember thinking wow that's a really nice camera. why did she come here to take pictures? lol. then A told me to give him my milkshake. i was like why?? i'm not done with it! but he took it, set them down on the ground, turned around to face me, and then got down on one knee. i don't remember everything about what he said bc i was just so happy and in shock, but i remember it was lovely and sounded like a poem. he has such a way with words!

i cried and said yes obvi and we kissed and then he pointed out the photographer and was like "so that's nina" and she waved and we all laughed a little. the early reservation was due to the fact that she wanted the pictures to be around 6:30pm so we could get the golden hour lighting. we had some extra time, so we did a few more shots. everyone on the bike path was super respectful and went out of the way to make sure they weren't in the picture. nina was saying she does shoots in boston common and people just walk right through the path of the camera lol so it was nice people were respectful! i genuinely did not notice a single thing around us once he got on one knee so i have no idea how many people there were and if they were watching, but A was really the only person who existed at that moment!

we walked back to the car and i called my mom and she put me on speakerphone (she was with my aunt, uncle, cousins, and my younger brother) and everyone was screaming and so excited. i was saying to A that i just wanted to yell it from the rooftops and tell every stranger i saw that we just got engaged. we stopped at a 7/11 briefly to grab some drinks (rip our milkshakes) and A went up to the cashier (an older indian woman) and said "guess what? we just got engaged!" and her whole face lit up and she said that it was the day of the lions gate portal, which apparently is an astrological event where certain constellations and planets line up or something? but it's a huge event for manifesting what you want in life. AND august 8th was also international cat day!!! so i feel like both of those were good luck hehe.

two days later, we flew to seattle and when we got to my parent's house, there was a surprise engagement party! my best friend was there along with several family friends and my parents. my mom got me a barbie cake that was custom made including a sharpied rose sleeve tattoo!! i felt soooo special and loved and happy. everyone was so excited to meet/spend time with A and i'm so glad he got to meet some of these really important people in my life.

ever since the proposal, almost everyone asks when the wedding will be and i'm like idk!!! literally the day of the engagement i was asked this and i'm like i don't even feel like this is real yet!!! but then i realized i've totally been guilty of that when hearing about friends' engagements. we're probably thinking about two years from now, but not totally sure. i would love to do it near seattle in the summer, but next summer would mean a lot of wedding planning during grad school and i just don't want to deal with that. my mom already has a venue in mind lolol and she's like we should get on it for september 2024 (!!!!!!). crazy. it's gonna be a whirlwind but i am so goddamn happy.

#a #proposal #engagement #personal #update

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

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In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter one rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peter’s greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Masterlist and Series Masterlist

“Married?” You squeaked as your eyes grazed over the words on the card a hundred times without retaining any of the information. As you momentarily forgot how to even read, you had to rely on the words coming out of Andy’s mouth.

“Yes, uh, married.” He awkwardly cleared his throat. “Dani and I are getting married over the summer.”

The awkward silence filled the air, suffocating the three of you, but you didn’t care. You were still staring at that damn card. That damn card that said your ex boyfriend was getting married to another girl.

“Married.” You repeated, at a loss for words.

“You said that already, dumbass.” Venom chimed in, telepathically. You rolled your eyes and kicked the bench, signaling to her to quiet down.

“Yeah.” He said again. “I know we’re young, but I’m sure about her. She’s the love of my life.”

“Wow. Good for you.” You faked a smile as you stared at the invitation. “It’s Uh, it’s a lot to take in.”

“I know. That’s why I wanted to tell you in person. I figured it would be better than you randomly getting the card in the mail and finding out that way.” Andy explained.

“Our hero.” Venom snarled, so you pinched your leg to send her the message to be quiet.

“Yeah. Yeah, no, I’m glad you told me.” You lied as your eyes finally processed something on the card.

“You’re getting married on August 10?” You asked, finally tearing your eyes away from the invitation to look at him. He looked good, you had to admit. His curly brown hair was cut shorter than usual and he was still wearing his police uniform.

“Bright and early. I chose that day because-“

“Because it’s your parents anniversary. I know.” You cut him off, a little sharply.

“I’m sorry if this is awkward.” He frowned. “I understand if you’re too hurt to come.”

“It’s fine. We were together and now we’re not. Besides, I’m really happy for you and Dani. She really helped me get back on my feet when Venom and I first bonded. I like her. And if you want to marry her on that day, then go ahead.” You said, and you meant it. You did like Dani. You’d like her more if she wasnt dating the love of your life, but hey, nobody’s perfect.

“You’re lying. We want him back. He looks so juicy and delicious.” Venom said. You choked on your saliva for a moment at her words and Andy was quick to pat your back.

“You alright?” He asked. You nodded and made a mental note to have a domestic conversation about boundaries with Venom when you got home.

“I’m fine. And anyways, I’ve uh, I’ve moved on.” You lied, adverting your eyes so he wouldn’t catch on.

“What? No we haven’t?” Venom didn’t grasp the social cue.

“You have?” Andy asked, seemingly taken aback.

“No! We love you!” Venom growled in your head.

“Yep. I’m in a deeply committed and loving relationship.” You nodded as you looked anywhere but at him. It wasn’t a total lie. You were technically in a relationship with Venom, though be it a host/parasite kinda deal.

“What’s he like?” Andy wondered, looking pissed off all the sudden.

“They’re great. They’re, uh…tall. Super, super tall.” You began to describe Venom. So far, it was all true. Venom was 7’6 in her final form.

“They’re black, like yourself, and they’ve got this big, beautiful smile.” You could feel yourself cringing internally as you painted the picture for him.

“You think our smile is beautiful?” Venom teased you.

“And they just always have my back. They’re my ride or die, you know? If I didn’t have them, I’d be dead. Literally.” You finished. Also true. If you and Venom ever got separated, you would both die. Andy was looking off into the distance, sucking his teeth before nodding again.

“That’s nice.” He said, but his tone didn’t sound like he thought it was nice.

“I’d literally die.” You repeated to fill the awkward silence.

“I get it.” He deadpanned.

“Like, I’d freaking perish.”

“Alright.” He held up his hands and you stopped.

“So, do you think you can come?” He brought the conversation back to him, something he was good at.

Of course you could come. What else would you be doing? But you were just getting back on my feet after losing your job and a wedding might be too much too soon. You were at rock bottom before you found Venom. Well, before you found each other. That was nearly a year ago, but that day came back in flashes every now and then...

“You’re seriously breaking up with me? Over a job?” You asked as you followed Andy out of the police station. You were under the impression that he had just been fired because of the files you took from his computer. Classified files on local businessman Carlton Drake and the people he had killed with his experiments, of course.

“Yeah, I am.” He snapped. “I’m done with you.”

“Can’t we talk about this?” You pleaded as you followed him down the street.

“Okay.” He stopped, looking angry. “Do you want to talk about how you embarrassed me in front of my precinct? I just got yelled at in front of my all my coworkers because of you and your greed. You used me for your stupid show.”

“I wasn’t being greedy.” You insisted, ignoring that he called your job stupid. “You had the information on Carlton Drake and I needed it to make an accusation. He’s killing people! He’s a bad guy, Andy. And I write about and report bad men. That’s my job. I didn’t know that looking at your files would get you fired.”

Andy put his hands on his hips and looked around, suddenly sheepish.

“I wasn’t fired.” He mumbled.

“What?” You switched from upset to confused. “Then why are you angry?”

“I was demoted to traffic duty for two weeks because of you.” He pointed an angry finger at you and you almost laughed.

“I’m sorry, wait.” You compared yourself. “You’re breaking up with me after two years together because I got you demoted to traffic duty? Are you serious?”

“Do you know how embarrassing it is to wear that orange vest? It’s humiliating.” Andy shouted and you covered your mouth to keep from laughing. “Everyone in the neighborhood knows me and now they’re gonna know I’m on traffic duty.”

“People know you?” Your eyes widened at how dense he was being. “Andy, I’m a local celebrity. I had a whole show on YouTube that I was just fired from. Actually fired. You’re just a police officer who was demoted.”

“To traffic duty.” He repeated, as if it was suddenly worse.

“I know!” You snapped before calming down. “Are we really over? Just because of one mistake?”

“You used me.” He shrugged. “I can’t trust you.”

You stared at him as he walked over to you, never breaking eye contact as he took his key off your key ring.

“We’re over.” He hissed before turning around and walking away.

“Y/N?” Andy waved a hand in front of your face, snapping you out of it.

“Oh, right sorry. Um…” You trailed off as you mulled it over. You were happy for him, but you weren’t ready to see him marry someone else. That was gonna be you guys. Of course you wanted to be at his wedding, but you wanted to be the bride.

“Actually, I cant.” You blurted, quickly thinking of a lie. “The Daily Bugle called me and offered me a job in New York. They want me to cover a story on some serial killer. I was gonna move there part time until the story is done. I’m leaving in a few weeks.”

It was partially true. The Daily Bugle did reach out to ask you to write the story, but you had planned to write it at home. News of Andy’s impending marriage was enough to drive you out of the state.

“Oh really?” Andy raised an eyebrow. “Wow.”

He was never one to celebrate you, even when you were together, but his reaction seemed different now. He almost seemed surprised that you were still successful without him.

“Yea. I just finalized everything this morning.” You lied again as you wondered how you’d get a NYC apartment on such short notice. “But hey, maybe I’ll finish early and make it back in time for your big day. I mean, it’s only April. I have lots of time. How many people could this guy possible kill until August?” You joked, but Andy didn’t laugh. He never really got your sense of humor.

“That’s great Y/N.” He nodded, not much enthusiasm behind it. “Things are really turning around for you. I can’t believe you found a job and a boyfriend. I didn’t think it would happen.”

You narrowed your eyes at his condescending comment but decided to brush it off.

“Well, it did. I’m on to bigger and better things.” You cut into him a little as you stood up. “I better go. I told my partner I’d meet them for lunch. Bye!”

“Bye!” Andy called after you, still in a funk from what you told him.

You practically ran home and slid down your door once you got inside.

“Holy shit. I’m such a liar.” You grimaced and covered my face with my hands. Venom manifested herself in her snake-like form and looked at you.

“You’re not a liar if we move to New York and start dating.” She said, making you laugh.

“You have a point. In that case, will you be my girlfriend, Miss Venom?” You asked sarcastically and Venom grinned.

“You’re not really my type, but I’m willing to settle.” Venom matched your sarcasm.

“Then let’s make moving plans, baby.” You sighed. “We’re going to New York.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction

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thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness · 4 years

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KAORU PERSONAL INTERVIEW SPECIAL HEADBANG VOL.27 TRANSLATION 2/2

The ideal figure that the guitarist who leads the band as a leader got while struggling, and the reason for his unstoppable pursuit. “Without ‘BLUE BLOOD’ I wouldn’t really be who I am now” “After all, I’ve always liked dark and hopeless stuff, that kind of things” “I’m the type of person who wants to be affected by cd jackets and lyrics” "Sometimes I can do it. A song with a very pop and bright atmosphere"

Notes before reading: This is the second part of the personal interview of Kaoru from the magazine Headbang Vol.27 released on 18th August 2020. The interview is 11 pages long and this part covers the last 5 pages. As Toshiya and Die’s interviews, 2nd part is focused on his roots as a guitarist.

You can get the magazine at Amazon Japan or CDJapan. Read Toshiya’s interview here Read Die’s interview here

Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) ----- Text by: Yohsuke Hayakawa (First part here) “Without “BLUE BLOOD” I wouldn’t really be who I am now” -Then, the topic of the talk changes from here. I would like to ask you about the story behind the 20 albums that you selected regardless of era or reasons but, you chose 10 albums from Japan and 10 foreign albums.

K: Is that true? (laughs). It's a coincidence, but it was very difficult to narrow down when it came to choose again. So, I chose mainly the ones I listened to a lot before I started the band and when I started doing it. They are just albums that influenced me. -I have the impression that Japanese music was a kids who read WeROCK’s thing. K: Hahaha. Yes (laughs). -First of all…. COLOR's mini album "FOOLS! GET LUCKY !!" (1989) is also included. I have to ask about why you picked this one. K: Well, I really love it (laughs). Even though it was "X in the east, COLOR in the west"*, I was really into it, so I went to see their live performance. I like their punkish songs and they have many fast songs. At that time, if a song wasn’t fast, it was a “no” for me. I also liked ROSE ROSE. *(This makes reference to X Japan being from the Kanto region (East) and COLOR being from Kansai (West) as both band emerged around the same time.) -Then D'ERLANGER. DIR EN GREY participated in D'ERLANGER's tribute (announced in 2017 ‘D'ERLANGER TRIBUTE ALBUM ~ Stairway to Heaven~ "). Was the album "LA VIE EN ROSE" (1989) a shock for you?

K: That’s right, “LA VIE EN ROSE” too but also CIPHER (G) himself. Well, I think it was at ”BURNN! JAPAN”, CIPHER appeared in a solo photo on one page in colour.

-Oh, it’s a shot in which you can see him standing with a flashy Les Paul guitar. It was before kyo (D’ERLANGER vocalist) became a member. K: That’s right. I though “What on earth is this person?” After that, they were releasing a CD ("LA VIE EN ROSE") , so I made a I made a reservation right away.

-Also, a band you can't miss from those times is DEAD END. It never gets old because it’s respected across generations. K: I chose "Shambara" (1988), well, it's a masterpiece. Just listening to the opening song "EMBRYO BURNING" made me sick. When I first started listening to metal music, I was a bit reluctant but with DEAD END, the melody that MORRIE sung got me very quickly, I got into them without any resistance. I didn’t have the impression that DEAD END was so-called “metal”. Since I started playing in bands, I was overwhelmed by the seriousness of YOU’s guitar technique. - Next is ZI: KILL is "ROCKET" (1993). Initially, the dark positive punk style was strong but with that last album, their musicality expanded dramatically and there are even piano jazz songs. K: It’s an album that feels like something has been reached. I got into ZI:KILL since the early albums and after making their major debut, I got the impression that their albums got milder. However, when I listened to "ROCKET", it seemed like an insanely cool album. I still listen to it. -Including a horn in their arrangements was ground-breaking. K: Yes, at first I hated it! But somehow, I didn’t care about it at all. Still, TUSK (Vo) lyrics and the songs were addictive. It made a deep impression on me, that’s why I read ZI:KILL lyrics carefully as well.

-Do you care about the lyrics when it comes to Japanese artists? K: I check the booklets properly. After all, the lyrics reach my ears at the point in which the words make you feel something.

- And, needless to say, you also chose X's "BLUE BLOOD" (1989). At the Vol. 20 of this magazine, you chose it as a “metal album that changed your life”. So, as expected, if you choose an album from X japan, would be this one? K: Without this album, I wouldn't really be who I am now.

-You were influenced by everything, both the music and the guitar play….is that so? K: The guitar too, right? Well, it’s not at that level anymore.

-Ah, that’s not the level (laughs) K: I was just listening to it earnestly and thinking “amazing!”, it just something that I like, there is no particular reason (laughs).

“Western music (I listened to) was also greatly influenced by HIDE. That’s why everything it’s related to HIDE (laughs)”

- On the other hand, Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi and Cocco are also included. K: I've always liked Nagabuchi. Like "Tonbo" (1988), there was a tv drama about that. *(”Tonbo” (Dragonfly) was also a tv drama in which Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi played a member of a yakuza gang who is trapped in a violent existence.)

- Oh, after that was "Shabontama" (1991). K: I also like the movie "Orgel" (1989), I was really into Nagabuchi at that time. The "Showa" (1989) album I chose this time is the album that got me hooked. The masterpiece "Gekiai" which is my favourite song was recorded around that time.

-You liked Nagabuchi’s drama series. K: Yes, they are rather dark series. I don’t know much about the brighter/cheerful ones.

-The ones like "Family Game" (1983)? K: That's right. Those are not the ones that I prefer. After all, I’ve always liked dark and hopeless stuff, that kind of things. -(Laughs) However, the radical portrayal of Nagabuchi’s drama shocked your heart as a young boy. Probably such a drama couldn’t be made in this era. K: Yes, you can’t. There isn’t even a rebroadcast of these ones.

-Certainly. Also, I remember that Cocco was around in the scene at the same time than HIDE (g). K: Yes. When I listened to her album, it didn’t feel like I was listening to a Japanese cd. I felt like it was a western heavy band, so I got into it with that kind of image.

-I feel that foreign music, the alternative vibe is overall stronger, but do you like that? K: After all, HIDE’s influence in foreign music (I listened to) is huge. At that time, I was buying various magazines and looking for some more, I checked the names that appeared in HIDE’s articles and I’ve been listening to the ones I liked all the time.

- I have the impression that HIDE had a great influence on you listening to bands like Jane's Addiction at that time. What about Vanessa Paradis and Japan ( English new wave band)? K: That was also due to the influence of HIDE. That’s why almost everything is related to HIDE (laughs). Also, this album of hers (released in 1992, “Vanessa Paradis”) was produced by Lenny Kravitz, who liked to go to her lives. She's still good, but I especially like her early days, I'm attracted to that voice.

“I’m the type of person who wants to be affected by cd jackets and lyrics”

- So that's it. The only work related to HIDE that you chose was with X Japan but, what about his solo works? K: Well, of course I like his solo, but in my case, I like HIDE in X Japan the most.

-Other than that, I can tell that you like strong sounds, heavy riffs and industrial. K: That’s right. As I was always seeking fierce things, I came to like strong riffs such as Pantera and Ministry.

-What about the so-called European German metal? K: Especially at that time, it wasn’t my cup of tea (laughs) - Then, some of the foreign music you chose…. "Psalm 69: The Way To Succeed And The Way To Suck Eggs" (1992) by Ministry. This album was already mentioned in this magazine before as an important metal album for you. K: At that time, there was a foreign-related CD shop called WAVE at Umeda Loft in Osaka. I think that I found it there and listened to it. I was like “what the hell?”, so I bought it right away. I listened to it at home again. That night I went to a acquaintance’s house and I said “Listen to this!”, and I forced him to listen (laughs). -I can tell your excitement (laughs) K: Then I listened to all the other albums. Above all, I like this one the most. -And you also mentioned Nine Inch Nails. K: The first thing I heard from them was a single or something. At that time, I thought, "Wow, that's amazing," but when I listened to the songs on that album, I felt like I was listening to something I had never heard before. It's dark, but it sounds very aggressive. But it’s not like european music dark feeling.At that time, I wasn't sure if they were a band or not (laughs). -You wondered if it was a one-person band. K: That’s right. I was like “Is the same person doing everything?”, “Is he playing drums too?”. Everything was a mystery. Information was not available as soon as it does now, so I was wondering “Who is this person?”. I also wondered if the cd jacket had something to grasp, like it was a cd jacket that I didn’t really understand. Like the logo. It was all mysterious and addictive. I myself am the type who wants to be influenced/affected by cd jackets and lyrics, so I look at every corner. Everything up to the back of the wrapping. Then, when I looked at the back, I thought, "Isn't there anything attached?" (Laughs). -(Laughs)There are many things that are totally attractive, including elaborate art books. K: Yes. Especially for Nine Inch Nails, I went looking for some place that sell T-shirts of them. "Sometimes I can do it. A song with a very pop and bright atmosphere" -Among these works, isn't there any in particular that has an easy-to-understand influence on the songs that you make with DIR EN GREY? K: Well, I don't know that . - Some of the works you chose this time have a strong melody…. For example, on a 2017 tour focused in “MACABRE" (2000), you played “Taijou no ao” for the first time in a while. I mentioned in this magazine before that "If you change the arrangement of a song to your current style, you can still play it ", but is there a desire to make a song with that kind of melody now? K: I don’t have a particular desire to do it. I think that it feels like something from that time, it’s an image that doesn’t make me feel excited now. -By the way, do you usually listen to music with melodies like that? K: I do, I do. Rather, I’ve been listening to pop music all the time lately. I am not listening noisy bands at all. -Noisy ones (laughs). K: Hahaha. -However, it's a little hard to think that you are going to make songs like that. K: Yeah, it doesn't happen very often sometimes, but there are times when I can do it. A song with a very pop and bright atmosphere. So, when I tried to start to work on songs, one turns out like “this is what I have done”. But maybe then I think that it’s a little different from what I do with DIR EN GREY, so I have to mess with it, fix it or just store it. - Eh! Do you make that kind of songs? I would like to hear a song like that from you now. That’s why the melody of “Taijou no Ao” that I mentioned as an example is not only pop but also suffocating. Faintly scented lyrics. I wonder if that it’s your true self. K: That's right.The first thing that influenced me was the New Wave*. Pet Shop Boys and so, I liked that kinds of thing. That’s why there is a bit of that “kind of atmosphere” sometimes. It's not just pop. *(New wave is a broad music genre that encompasses numerous pop-oriented styles from the late 1970s and the 1980s) -There is also a sorrowful side. K: So, if I had to pick one, Europe is better in that than America. Well, when it comes to the songs I make, I’d like to make them more interesting, but I don’t feel like doing something that is off the point/wrong. -I have to ask you about the melody part now. K: If you have any concerns, I will answer them… - What if there is something clear for you like, “this song has this kind of image”? K: After that, Kyo has several ways to sing so I will combine them in my own way and propose new melodies. Like “I think in this way would be cool”. -Oh, that’s how you do it. In any case, now I'm looking forward to the day when I can listen to a new song again. Will the album be completed in 2021? K: That's right. -By the way, Kaoru-san's hard disk has already material for the new album…. K: Well, there's something for the album……there is, but it’s still not the whole thing at all (laughs).

#dir en grey #kaoru #translation #Headbang Vol 27 #interview

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penaltbox · 4 years

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flights, fate, and football games (4+1) - quinn hughes

*or 4 times you were in the same place and didn’t know it + 1 time you were in the same place on purpose*

if you like it let me know :) reblog it, send me a message, leave your thoughts in the tags. thanks in advance!

word count: ~3k

Same restaurant/Post playoffs

You wave at your two best friends as soon as you enter the restaurant, surprisingly being the one who was late this time. You hit more traffic than you expected, but Pop’s was not to be missed.

The little Ferndale restaurant was one of your favorites and you needed the time to wind down after the crazy week you’d had. You hear a guy’s voice behind you talking to the suddenly excited hostess as you walk past her to get to your table, but never glance back at who it might have been.

“Wow, for once we aren’t the late ones,” Abby smiles, nudging Hannah with her elbow.

“Oh, aren’t you guys funny,” you roll your eyes playfully, but take a seat with them, “it wasn’t my fault though. Traffic was insane on the highway. It’s like everyone forgot how to drive at once.”

“I hit some traffic too, no worries,” Hannah smiles, glancing over your shoulder, “did you somehow miss those super cute boys that came in behind you though? The one was so your type.”

Your eyes widen a little as you turn around to quickly survey the area you’d just come from. There’s no one waiting at the front of the restaurant though, so you turn back with a frown.

“I mean, I heard a guy’s voice as I walked in but I didn’t think to look back at him. Why? Was he really that cute?” You ask, looking around the restaurant to see if you could find who she was talking about.

Abby sighs, “I can’t see where they went either but Hannah and I noticed them as soon as you got here. We should have got you to turn around somehow.”

You shrug, checking over the menu and deciding between a pizza or the bolognese instead, “I guess if I was supposed to have seen him then I would have.”

You would have looked around for him more but the waiter showed up and you were dying to get your hands on a glass of wine to start your weekend off.

...

“Quinn, I swear if you don’t start talking to cute girls when you see them I’ll end your career,” Will points across the table.

Josh holds his hands up and laughs, “guys, come on. We all know Quinn isn’t smooth enough to seal the deal anyways.”

This gets the other two laughing, but Quinn doesn’t find it as humorous. He rolls his eyes and tries to fight off a smile. He opts for focusing his attention extra carefully on the menu rather than fueling the fire that was already started.

“Hey, by the end of summer you never know. Maybe you’ll be able to land a girl. It might take a small miracle, but we’ll help you out if we can,” Will grins, thinking it’s the funniest thing in the world.

“Great,” Quinn nods, thinking matchmaker Will sounded like a living nightmare, “I’m sure that would go well.”

He tries to brush it off, but the thought lingers a little longer. He’d find someone one of these days. His mom always told him he shouldn’t rush a good thing. It would happen when it was supposed to.

Your brother’s hockey practice/Early June

“I swear to god, Adam, you need to get moving,” you mumble, watching your brother get beat in yet another drill.

The air inside USA arena was definitely colder than outside and you were wondering how you’d managed to get stuck picking him up that night. He seemed off though so maybe he’d asked your mom if you’d get him. Sometimes he needed to talk, and definitely not to your parents.

The whistle blows loudly and you watch your little brother skate off with his head down. He’d been lucky to make the U17’s but you could tell he was struggling. It made your heart hurt and you knew the drive home would involve the long route that day.

You wait in the lobby, responding to your group chat that had somehow blown up while you watched the end of the practice. You’re in the middle of a message when an oddly familiar voice catches your attention.

You pick up your head and look around just as a group of guys head down the stairs to the locker rooms. You don’t manage to see any of them but something about the voice you’d heard seemed to catch your attention for some reason. Where had you heard that voice before?

Adam comes barreling out of the doors, an annoyed look on his face, “let’s go.”

“Hi to you too, asshole,” you scoff, but the look on his face matches the tone he’d given you. Something was wrong.

You grab your keys and walk out of the arena, glancing over at your only sibling, “Adam, what’s wrong? Wasn’t there another practice after that you wanted to watch or something?”

“No, some alumni guys rented the ice next and pushed the 18’s back an hour,” he mumbles, his hands dug down in his pockets.

You reach over and ruffle his hair, despite the fact he’s well taller than you now, “come on, we’re getting ice cream before we get home. And you can tell me what’s got you so worked up on the way.”

A smile takes over his face finally as he reaches your car, “okay fine. So there’s this girl in my chem class but she’s dating a football player.”

“Ew,” you laugh, playing along with the story, “also if you’re playing like shit because you’re mad that a girl you like is taken then I’m kicking your ass”.

“Hey, it was one bad practice. Just don’t tell dad,” he looks over, “surprised you didn’t want to stay and watch the next practice though. You know it’s the guys who went on to play college and pros and stuff right?”

You almost smack him when you see how smug he looks, but you hold off for once, “the last thing I need is some trouble maker hockey player to deal with. I already have you.”

“Suit yourself. Every girl I know loves Hughes though,” he shrugs.

The name sounds familiar but you don’t think twice about it for some reason. Of course you wanted a boyfriend but you weren’t sure you wanted your younger brother setting that up for you.

…

“Try not to suck tonight, okay?” Jack laughs, shrugging his bag a little higher on his shoulder as he picks on his older brother.

Quinn laughs and shoves him sideways, “try not to get run over. Are you gonna put any weight on this summer, bud?”

“You’re both getting lapped,” Alex interjects, walking between the two and entering the arena first.

Quinn notices you leaning against the wall in the lobby and does a double take. Had he seen you before? Why did you seem so familiar? You had to be waiting for someone if you were there, he knew the 17’s had the ice, so maybe you were younger than he thought.

He shakes off the odd feeling he gets from seeing you and turns to find his brother grinning. Quinn knows he’s been caught staring and he immediately bumps Jack into the wall.

“Don’t even think about it!” He says, hurrying down the stairs as Alex holds the door.

“I’m just saying!” Jack yells after his older brother, “I could go play wingman for you!”

Quinn thinks that sounds like the worst thing ever, if he’s being honest. The last thing he needs is to rely on his brother to set him up. He could see that going wrong in a million different ways.

The airport/pre-4th of July

You sigh, slouching down in your seat a little further as you take a sip of your coffee. You wish your anxiety didn’t have you at the airport almost two hours before takeoff, but here you were.

You watch a few planes take off, ignoring your surroundings for a little while as you wonder where the people might be going and why. You respond to a text from your aunt in Boston, who you were going to visit, and quickly get lost in your thoughts again.

You let your eyes start to wander after a bit and they land on a cute boy a few rows over. He’s sitting with a few other boys around his age and you glance over at their gate. New Hampshire? What was even in New Hampshire?

You watch him for a few more minutes, but shake your head before looking back out the window. You certainly weren’t brave enough to go talk to him and you didn’t want to get caught staring. Something about him seemed so familiar but you brush it off, figuring you were just imagining things.

…

Quinn drops his backpack and sits heavily into the creaky airport chair, arguing with Luke about what they’d do first when they got to the cabin. There was no winning the argument but Luke liked to be a pest and Quinn had learned from being gone so much that sometimes he just needed to let his little brother bug him while he could.

Airports were so boring and he’d luckily stalled enough that his parents didn’t have them all there three hours early for once. Quinn lets Luke “win” the argument finally, agreeing that they’ll go on the boat as soon as they get there.

Quinn’s attention wanders and he looks around the airport, his eyes seeming to focus on the gate heading for Boston. His eyebrows pull together as he tries to squint and see the line of people boarding. He swears he sees a familiar face but he’s not so sure.

There’s no way it was the same person he saw at the arena a few weeks ago, right? He blinks hard and suddenly he’s hit with a water bottle in the chest.

“Dude are you good?” Jack questions him, waving a hand in front of the older boy’s face.

Quinn looks at his brother quickly before checking where you’d been standing, only to find you’d already boarded the plane, “yeah, knock it off. Can’t you leave me alone for like five minutes ever?”

Quinn is mildly annoyed that his brother pulled the stunt when he did and he’d lost sight of you before he could be sure. Maybe you were from Boston and you were headed home. That wouldn’t explain why you were at USA arena unless your brother played there, too.

He turns to Luke then, elbowing the youngest Hughes to get his attention, “do you play with any kids from Boston?”

Ann Arbor/football game/late August

You laugh as you try and keep up with Abby and Hannah, excited for one last year at the school that held your heart. You were convinced you could never leave Ann Arbor and luckily for one more year you didn’t have to.

The weather was perfect that night as the first football game was set to kickoff in no time but the three of you had left a pregame a bit later than you planned for. You’re being rushed through the crowd by Hannah, who has a tight hold on your hand, when Abby suddenly veers off.

“Hold on, I need to say hi to him!” She yells over her shoulder, causing Hannah to stop in her tracks and you to slam into her back.

The two of you stumble a little but fix yourself, standing and watching where Abby had run off to. She moves to a group of guys and your stomach turns a little with worry, hoping she actually knew who these people were.

You’re about to march over when you see the boy. The one from the airport. You shake your head a little, trying to make sure you weren’t imagining what you were seeing, but he really is there. Abby is talking to his friends and he’s got a soft smile that makes you want to know more about him. He’s not as outspoken as his friends and his hands are stuffed in his pockets like he’s not sure what else to do with them.

Hannah catches you staring and laughs, “that’s Quinn by the way. I know you’re looking. Abby met those boys a couple months ago while she did her classes on campus. Can you believe they’re the ones we saw at Pop’s at the beginning of the summer?”

“They’re who?” You ask, your brain speeding through the memories, but all that keeps coming up is Quinn.

Pop’s, the airport, and now here. Was he the guy from the rink too? Was that the voice you’d recognized. There was no way you’d been in all the same places for the last three months and never talked to each other or actually truly met. What kind of fate was playing around with you two?

You glance back over at Quinn only to find him looking at you, too. Your cheeks feel instantly hot and you bite your lip, looking away quickly. You hated that you reacted so quickly to something so simple. Maybe he was looking at Hannah, you tried to reason with yourself. Or maybe he recognized you too.

…

Quinn is shocked when a bouncy little blonde runs up to Josh and says hello to him. She’s happy as can be and Quinn would be lying if he said she wasn’t cute. She quickly introduces herself and motions back at her friends, talking a mile a minute, when Quinn realizes he’d definitely met her earlier that summer.

Her and her friends were going to the game but if the boys wanted to hang out after they’d be having a small party at their place and they were more than welcome to come. Quinn gives Josh a little nod when the taller boy checks with him for plans and Josh smiles at the girl he’d been talking about for weeks now.

Quinn looks around the crowd of maize and blue, looking for the friends she’d mentioned, and his eyes freeze on one in particular. You’re so familiar in that moment and suddenly you’re the prettiest girl he sees there. It was the same feeling as the rink, the airport, and now here in Ann Arbor. What were the chances that he’d ran into you this many times but never talked to you?

He sees you and your friend watching in their direction and he catches your eye. You blush and bite your lip, making him smile right away. That had to be the cutest thing he’d seen in a long time. He forgets that Abby has mentioned her friends and he’s about to walk over and talk to you when Josh grabs his arm.

“Come on, we have to go this way to get to the field,” Josh says, nodding in the opposite direction of the girls.

Quinn is about to argue, but sighs instead, “yeah, okay. Did you say we’re seeing them again later?”

+1 Your friends set you up/late August/post football game

“You wouldn’t stop staring at him. Don’t even try and lie about it now!” Hannah accuses, pointing her finger at you.

You feel like you’re dying of embarrassment and Abby can’t stand up straight because of how hard she’s laughing over the situation. You were being bullied by your best friends and none of you could contain your laughter over it all. There were more than a few people watching the scene as you made your way around the field, trying to find which section your tickets were for.

“Stop, I don’t even know him!” You say, though it’s only a partial lie.

Abby snorts a little and carefully wipes a tear away from the corner of her eye, “holy shit, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. Yeah, Quinn is awkward as hell but I think you two would be amazing so you’re definitely meeting him tonight.”

She’s quick to pull out her phone and text Josh, already making a plan with him to get you and Quinn cornered in the same area. You can’t fight her on this. Once Abby set her mind to something it was going to happen so you were just along for the ride at this point.

The football game goes by too fast considering it was the last first game of the season you’d ever get as an undergrad, but the three of you are in such good moods that you hardly have time to be sad about it.

You leave the game a few minutes early to try and beat some of the crowds as you head back for the house you all shared. You almost forget the boys are coming over as you head to the kitchen and grab a drink. You figured you had a little while before they’d show anyways.

Popping the top of your can, you take a big drink and sigh. You hear Abby’s little giggle behind you and you whip around confused. You’re suddenly face to face with Quinn and you immediately blush in embarrassment.

“Uh, hi,” you stutter, giving him a little smile even though you wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

“Hi,” he says, and you know immediately that he was the one you’d almost run into so many times that summer.

His smile is just as nervous as yours and you get why Abby had called him awkward before. He fidgets with his hands as he stands in front of you but it’s endearing somehow. He’s not overly cocky or trying to impress you somehow and yet you’re completely on board with getting to know him.

He’s a stranger, technically, but he feels so familiar that you laugh a little. Quinn’s eyebrows furrow over the noise but he doesn’t actually ask.

“Sorry, it’s just… did you want a drink or something?” you offer, trying to keep yourself from getting giddy over having him in front of you after all the months of fate making sure you dodged each other.

His smile gets bigger then and he seems to relax, “yeah, that sounds good. Maybe I could steal you too and get to know you? If you want anyways.”

You nod, not hiding your smile anymore, “I think I’d really like that. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

#quinn hughes #my writing #mine #vancouver canucks #nhl fic #nhl imagine #hockey fic #hockey imagine #jack hughes

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wefoundloveunderthelight · 3 years

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Love, War, and Books by GleefullyCaptainSwan Chapter 2/3

Read on AO3: | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly

Chapter 2: Poetry and Mean Spiritedness

Emma stood in the middle of a near empty store, she sighed, stringing up the lights around the small tree in the corner of the reading area. She gazed around at the few children and their parents looking around at the books before leaving without spending a dime. Jones Books had opened at the beginning of the week and sadly had affected the customer turnout for the week.

While it was upsetting, Emma was trying to stay positive, determined that business would pick up once the shine of the new bookstore wore off and the children begged their parents to return to the store that spent time and effort to bring the stories to life that they had known and loved.

“This bloody sucks!” Will complained as he closed the register for the evening.

“We’ll be out of business before the end of the month at this rate.” Ruby whispered in his direction.

“No one is going out of business.” Emma assured, patting Ruby on the back. “It will pick up after they get tired of the terrible customer service they are getting at Jones crappy bookstore.”

“I hope so because I have rent due on the 5th.”

“Please, you’re still living in a place with rent control. I’ll be out on the streets with the amount they rip from my hands each month across town.”

“No one is going to be out on the streets. Think positive. We’ll be fine.” Emma tried to calm the nervousness in the room.

“It’s like working in a tomb here.” Will moaned.

“Wow Will, way to be positive.” Ruby teased with a groan.

He shrugged and Emma skipped away from them, trying to ignore the negative concerns from her employees. She wasn’t going to be put out of business from Jones Books!

When she arrived home that evening, her positive attitude was threatening to wane on her. The store had barely made enough money to be in the black that evening, she stepped in a puddle before entering their apartment, and the zipper in the dress she wanted to wear to the dinner this evening snagged and broke as soon as she put it on.

Groaning she sat down at her laptop as she waited for August to get done with his shower. She read the message from JR10 and her smile returned momentarily.

Lonelygirl: I find that sometimes you are the one person I want to talk to at the end of a difficult day. Is that weird? If it is, just skip over that part. I pride myself in being a positive person, but lately I’m finding it harder to find that little piece of joy before I get swallowed into a black hole of sadness. I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you for being that little piece of joy I needed tonight.

She closed her laptop as August emerged from the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist. “I thought you were getting dressed?”

“My zipper broke.” She frowned, holding up the dress in front of her.

“So, wear that one with the flowers.”

“I hate that dress.”

“So, wear the plaid one or the one with stripes. Or the red one is nice.” He paused, looking at her closet. “Any of these is fine.”

“Yeah ok, the red one is good.”

An hour later they were in the elevator and heading to the penthouse for a publication party. They were generally dry and boring but a great opportunity to meet other writers, artists, and people in the book business.

“Maybe you can find some people to assist you in your plight tonight.”

“My plight? And what would that be?” She waited on an answer from August.

“From Jones Books, if things got tough perhaps you could find an ally to help rally support.”

“It’s not going to get to that. My store is doing just fine.” Emma replied angrily.

“I know, I don’t know why I said that, of course it’s fine.”

“There’s enough business for more than one bookstore. We’re fine.”

He kissed her cheek. “You’re more than fine, you’re absolutely fine.”

“Yeah, exactly, we’re fine.” She repeated as they stepped into the party at the top of the building unsure if she was trying to convince August or herself of the state of her business.

~*~

Killian and Milah had arrived early to the party, a friend of the family who was hosting a publishing event had invited them to join them that evening. His father told him more than once that these events were the perfect time to rub elbows with people in the book business. Free advertising, he used to tell him.

“Oh, I can’t believe that August Booth is here. I listen to him on the way to work, he is so inspiring.” Killian nodded without actually paying attention as he scanned the room, his eyes settling on a familiar face in the back corner.

Emma Swan.

His eyes grew big, and he leaned over to speak into Milah’s ear. “I’m going to get a drink.” She nodded and he slipped out of view of the woman from his rival bookstore before she could turn in his direction.

“Havana Club Rum, neat.” He gave his order to the bartender, glancing around the room to find Milah.

“Malibu and Cranberry.” He recognized her voice before he turned toward her. When he did she smiled, and her eyes grew wide. “Hey! Remember me? From the bookstore?”

“Yeah, yeah of course I remember you.”

“How’s your brother?”

“He’s good, really good.” He grabbed his drink and held it up in front of him. “I have to get back to my date, very thirsty, would hate to see her wither from dehydration.” He joked.

“You’re Killian right?” She continued and he felt the sweat start to gather at the back of his neck.

“Yes, and you’re Emma.” He said with a smile before ducking into the crowd to escape.

~*~

Emma sipped her drink as she made her way back over to August, sliding up beside him as his conversation ended.

“I can’t believe you were talking to Killian Jones.”

Emma turned toward him, “Jones, as in…”

“Jones Books.” He nodded but Emma was already making her way across the room toward the man standing at the food table.

“Jones, your name is Killian Jones?”

“Last I checked, Aye.” He shrugged, turning back to the food, and filling his plate.

“You were spying on me!” She declared loudly. “You probably don’t even have a brother.”

“You wound me Swan. Of course I have a brother. Why exactly do you think I would spy on you?” He said as if he didn’t have a care in the world who she was, which angered her even more.

“I’m your competition, which you already know or else you wouldn’t have played that little charade in my store.” She had her hands on her hips, chewing angrily on her bottom lip.

“Competition?” He said with an annoying laugh that made her blood boil. “The only reason I came into your store was because I was spending the day with my brother. I like to buy him gifts when I take him out because honestly I have no idea how else to keep his attention. At the time there was only one place in the neighborhood to buy children’s books, though as I am sure you are aware of now, all of that has changed.” He shrugged, “So I ended up in your store, and it is a charming littlestore. You probably sell $250,000 worth of books a year…”

Her eyes widened as she stepped toward him. “How did you know that?”

“I’m in the book business, obviously.” He said arrogantly.

“No, I’m in the book business, you are simply the Costco of books.”

“Ah I see, and so you think that I needed to sneak into your tiny bookstore and steal your financial ledger because I’m afraid you’ll put me out of business? Give me a break, love.” He snorted and Emma felt flustered, angry, but frozen in place.

“What?” He asked as he watched her standing in front of him, mouth agape, saying nothing.

“Killian Jones, corporate scum, destroyer of small-time virtues, enemy of the hardback novel, how do you sleep at night?” August joined her at her side and Emma forced herself to close her mouth as she stared between them.

“I sleep wonderful at night, mostly from the pills though.” A woman interrupted and jabbed her hand toward August. “You’re August Booth, aren’t you?” she paused. “I’m Milah Gold. And I loved your podcast last week about how Amazon is taking over the world.” She turned toward Killian. “This man is a literal genius.” Emma narrowed her eyes at the woman.

“Wow thank you; you have no idea how much that means coming from someone as talented as you. So often I wake up and worry that people will think I’m a fraud or a failure. But this…this is truly inspiring.” August seemed to suck the air out of the room as he continued to praise the woman standing next to her enemy.

“We need to talk more. Have you ever considered writing a book?” The woman continued and August began to shift excitedly on the balls of his feet. Emma stood stoically as her eyes made contact with the man who was trying to destroy her business. He held her gaze, not wavering from the contact until she shifted her eyes back to her boyfriend. She breathed a sigh of relief when Killian and the woman excused themselves from the conversation.

Emma couldn’t concentrate the rest of the evening. Why did she say nothing when he provoked her? Instead of standing up for herself she froze, completely shut down.

“I really liked that Milah Gold. Sure, I know she’s completely driven by money, but anyone who listens to my podcast can always be turned around.”

Emma rolled her eyes, tossing down onto her pillow and staring at the ceiling while he continued to ramble on and on about the evening.

~*~

“I can’t believe we met August Booth. He’s so interesting, don’t you think he’s interesting?” He turned over in his bed, staring at the floor. “His ideas are just so ahead of his time. No one is saying the things he’s saying.”

Killian flipped the covers off his body and stood from the bed. He was feeling uneasy, angry, guilty. Why was he feeling guilty?

“Where are you going?”

“Bloody hell woman, I’m just not tired.”

JR10: Have you ever woken up and realized that you have become the worst part of yourself? Like when someone provokes you, every arrogant, self-absorbed, condescending piece of your personality comes springing to life and attacks. Who am I kidding, you wouldn’t know what that is like? I’m the dark asshole here.

He stared at his screen, almost needing to talk to her, hoping that she was online. His heart soared when it showed she was typing.

Lonelygirl: I completely understand. I’m honestly jealous, I wish I had that in me. When I’m provoked, I freeze like a fish gulping for air, only to spend the rest of the night tossing in bed trying to think of things I should have said instead.

He laughed; he couldn’t believe how opposite they were. She was a breath of fresh air.

JR10: Perhaps I could lend you some of my retorts and you could give me your silence. Though I must warn you, when you finally provide that perfect response that digs into the subject of your attack, you will learn a new trait. Remorse.

He paused, staring at his screen, and thinking about doing something really stupid. Or possibly brilliant. He wasn’t sure which it was.

JR10: Do you think we should meet?

He hovered over the enter button, did he really think it was a good idea to meet this woman? Before he could change his mind he punched the button sending the message and closing the lid of his computer.

~*~

“He wants to meet you?” Emma groaned and leaned against the counter, Ruby staring at her from her spot in front of the shelves. “What did you tell him?”

“I wasn’t going to answer him on an empty stomach. So, I made breakfast and then chickened out and ran straight to work.”

“That’ll show him.” Will joked as he nudged her with his shoulder. “Left him on read.”

“Oh stop.” Emma whined. “I’ll answer him, later.” She sighed, walking back to her office, and staring at her invoices. Sales were down by 30% since Jones books had opened. She was never going to survive at this rate. She needed to do something drastic.

“It’s a shame you don’t know anyone with a voice to the public. Someone who knows how to tug at the heartstrings of America’s bleeding heart.”

Emma looked up to see Mrs. Lucas entering the room. “You aren’t suggesting…”

“That man candy of yours.”

“Don’t call him that.” Emma scrunched her nose and shuffled the papers in front of her.

“Come on, he’s nice on the eyes that man of yours.”

“I guess.”

“If you can only guess, then maybe you’re looking up a different tree.”

Emma’s mouth dropped, “Grans! That’s completely inappropriate.”

The woman shrugged and left the room. “I’ll take him if you’re done with him.” She hollered back as she left.

Emma was being completely unfair to August, there was no way she should meet this JR10. Things were perfect just the way they were. She loved August, he was good to her, and all she was doing was having a conversation with a computer screen.

That’s all.

Nothing more.

As soon as she got home she opened her laptop, determined that this was the right decision.

Lonleygirl: I don’t think we should meet. Why would we ruin what we have? I enjoy talking to you, you enjoy talking to me, why mess with that? Please don’t ask again.

~*~

Killian sat with his dog in his lap and his laptop sitting beside him as he read the incoming message.

“Good job Jones, you scared her.” He patted the dog’s head. “I’m officially an idiot.”

He slammed the laptop shut, unsure how to reply to the woman.

The days went by in a flurry as the store picked up steam. Every time he walked through the expansive store, it was buzzing with customers, passing over credit cards, picking up bundles of books at an affordable rate. He was saving them money, he was a goddamn hero, he thought.

But as he was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, waiting for any sign of movement in the past ten minutes, his sour mood was making him feel anything like a hero.

“Can you believe this woman?” The man in front of him complained to his wife. “She’s trying to pay with a credit card in the cash only line.”

Killian leaned to the side, trying to see who was causing the delay when he spotted the golden hair, angry face, and an ass that would make any man’s groin twitch. He laughed, cursing his luck, but stepping forward toward her anyway.

“Do you need cash?”

She turned toward him and groaned. “Definitely not, thank you.” She growled.

“Hi, Ashley.” He smiled at the cashier. “This is Emma, I’m Killian. This is a credit card machine, is it not, Lass?” The woman stared at him, nodding with her mouth agape. “It’s the night before Thanksgiving, people are hungry, tired, and I’m sure you would prefer everyone go home so that you can get off your shift, am I right?”

The woman smiled. “It’s cash only.”

“But you have the ability to run it through. Zip zip.” He said as he pretended to push the card through the machine.

The woman took the card and groaned, “Fine.” She said as she ran it through the machine.

“Everything good now?”

“Just great.” Emma replied rolling her eyes.

“Happy Thanksgiving.” He said with a fake smile, turning his back and inserting himself into the line to a swell of cheers and pats on the back.

~*~

Emma found that she was running into Killian everywhere she went to her utter dismay. Suddenly he was at her coffee shop, grocery store, and even the gas station. When he pulled up on his stupid motorcycle she wanted to comment about how he must be overcompensating for something, but that would mean having to speak to him. So instead, she found herself hiding anytime he showed up. Sure, it was ridiculous, but she just didn’t want to face him again after the credit card incident.

As much as seeing Killian was causing her sour mood, she knew that wasn’t the only reason. She hadn’t heard back from JR10 since she told him she didn’t want to meet him. She supposed it was for the best, she never intended for it to go anywhere in the first place.

But everything seemed to be going wrong lately. Killian, JR10, her store. Emma wanted to feel happy, especially during the holidays, but instead she just felt depressed.

She stood at the store display window, watching the children walk by with their parents, snow falling softly in the background, and normally this would bring her all the joy she needed to keep from missing her mom during the holidays. Instead, the little yellow “Jones Books” bags in the hands of the happy children only brought her sadness.

When she got home, she did the one thing that had made her happy recently. She ignored the awkward feelings, sat down with her cocoa, and opened her laptop to message JR10.

Lonelygirl: I miss my mom. The holidays aren’t the same without her. I don’t think I ever told you, but my mom passed ten years ago. Fuck cancer. She always made the holidays special and I’m just really feeling down this year and I guess nothing feels special anymore because nothing is going right in my life anymore and I could really use her advice.

She got up and stood by her window, tears falling onto her cheeks. She laughed as she watched the snow falling. “Suddenly I’m a mess, mom. I miss you.”

A sound alerted her to a new message, and she wiped her face, slowly taking a seat in front of the screen.

JR10: My mother passed when I was 4. Holidays are always difficult. It was a car accident that took her, my father never really knew what to do with two young boys. Intimacy wasn’t exactly his thing. I miss her most around Christmas. She loved the snow. I don’t remember much about her, but I remember that she looked like an angel in the snow. What kind of advice do you need? Maybe I can help.

Emma smiled, happy that he had responded so quickly and didn’t mention anything about the previous awkwardness of her declining to meet him.

Lonelygirl: I don’t think you can help me.

JR10: Is it man trouble?

Lonelygirl: No definitely not. My business is in trouble.

JR10: I’m a great businessman, what kind of business do you have?

Lonelygirl: That’s rule #2 remember! No specifics.

JR10: Well, it’s going to be difficult to help without specifics, but I guess the best advice I can give you is that nothing in business is personal. It’s not personal, it’s business. Don’t go down without a fight. A man, or therefore woman, unwilling to fight for what they want, deserve what they get. You told me that you worried about not being brave in life. This is your chance. Fight to the death.

Emma closed her laptop and looked in the mirror. “It’s not personal, it’s business.” She narrowed her eyes. “It’s not personal, it’s business.” She said louder as August walked into the room.

“What’s not personal?”

“Jones Books.” She announced. “I’m going to war. And I want you to help me fight them.” August walked over and lifted her off the ground, spinning her around.

“There’s my girl. Let’s take it to the man.”

~*~

“You are what you read, save your soul, boycott Jones Books.” Killian glared at the poster attached to the window of his store. Ripping it from the glass he stormed into the store, marching to the back and into Belle’s office. “What is this crap?”

“They’re all over the streets, I’m finding them on the back of the registers, on my car. That little bookstore that none of you cared about, means business. Did you know they got that podcaster, August Booth to devote an entire hour of his next show comparing us to sharks that attack children on the beach?”

“Of course she did, I believe she’s dating the man.”

“Who is?”

“Emma, the owner of Golden Swan Books.”

“You know her?”

“Might have met her once.”

“Oh God.” Belle recoiled and reached for her remote on her desk, turning the volume up on the television above their head.

“I’m here with Emma Swan, owner of the quaint children’s bookstore Golden Swan Books. The store is struggling to remain open under the constant attack of the new super store Jones Books that opened down the block. Emma how are you?”

“Thank you for having me, you know I just want to say that Jones Books may have cheap books and wonderful coffee selections, but most of their employees have never even read a book in their life.”

Killian groaned. “She’s a real pain in the ass.”

“Is she now?” Bell mused. “I’m sure she’s not nearly as beautiful in person as she is on television.” She smirked.

“Oh no, she’s gorgeous, but a bloody pain in the ass.”

“You don’t feel bad that you are basically destroying her livelihood?”

“It’s not personal…”

“It’s business.” She finished for him.

“Besides, I’m not physically doing this, it’s the company. I’m not this big bad guy here. I’m just doing my job.” He complained. “I sell discounted books. So, sue me. Because of me, more people get to…OH MY GOD…buy books.” He dramatically paced the office, his hands flailing as Belle looked on with a smile. “What?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged, looking back down at her computer.

When Killian left the store an hour later it was to a line of people holding signs and screaming in his face. “One, two, three, four, we don’t want this superstore.”

~*~

Emma stared at the papers in front of her. “Wait, so it made no difference at all?”

“Sorry, dear, doesn’t look like it. In fact, we’ve lost more this month than we did the previous three before their store even opened.”

Emma exhaled loudly. “So, we lost?” Her shoulders hunched and she felt the air inside of her deflate. “What would mom do?”

“I don’t know, dear, but the store looks lovely.”

Emma smiled weakly as the woman left the office, slumping against her desk, she cried softly. She walked home in the rain, not even bothering to shield herself from the conditions. By the time she reached her apartment her clothes were soaked to her skin, her hair dripping onto the tile floor, and her tears were drowned by the moisture.

Sinking down at her desk, she opened her laptop and typed.

Lonleygirl: I need help. Do you still want to meet?

Emma tapped her nails on the keyboard, waiting anxiously for a reply. It didn’t take long for her to get one.

JR10: I’m happy to help. Do you know the Diner on 83rd? Friday, 7pm?

“Wait, you’re meeting him?” Ruby gaped.

“Like in person? That’s bloody dangerous, Emma.” Will scolded.

“You both are being ridiculous. We’re meeting in a public place. It’s fine.” She folded her arms across her chest and turned toward the older woman in the room. “Tell them Grans.”

“There are worse ways to meet men.” She laughed.

“Did you tell August?” Ruby inquired.

“No.” She said as she lowered her head. “He’s out of town this weekend. Some podcast convention in Los Angeles.”

“Aye, so that makes it alright to meet strange men you’ve been chattin’ with online?”

“I’m not going to stay long; we’re just eating food. That’s all.” She protested as Will made a gesture that indicated a sexual act. Emma groaned and punched him in the shoulder. “You’re disgusting. It’s just dinner. That’s all. 45 mins, an hour, tops.”

~*~

“I’m not even going to stay that long.” Killian protested as he and Belle walked the darkened streets.

“So how does this work? How are you going to know who she is?”

“She said she’ll have a book with a single rose.”

“A book, are you sure she doesn’t already know who you are?”

“It’s a common thing, from a book or something.” He mused and Belle rolled her eyes. “Do you think this is ridiculous, am I purposely trying to destroy a good thing with Milah?”

“Well, you do have a tendency to ruin things that could possibly lead to a future.” She laughed. “But I haven’t quite figured out why you and Milah are still together, honestly.”

“I love her.”

“Do you? Because I kinda think if you did, you wouldn’t be meeting up with random women you’ve been talking to online.”

Killian stopped walking and looked up at the door to the restaurant. “I can’t do this.” He started to turn away before spinning back toward the restaurant. “God, why do I need to meet this woman so badly that I can’t walk away?” He looked over at Belle. “Go look. Tell me if you can see her.”

“Oh, for goodness sake, Killian. Do you want me to go in and have dinner with her too?”

“Only if she’s horrid.” He teased. “Please, Belle.” She climbed the stairs, peering through the window. “Do you see her?”

“Oh wow, she’s gorgeous.” Belle grinned. “Oh wait, no flower. Sorry.”

“Lass, this woman is a marvel. Even if she looks like her smiley face icon on discord, I may have no choice but to upend my life and marry her tomorrow.”

“Wait, I see a book.” Belle squealed, “And a flower…” She moved around the window. “The waiters in the way.” She peered again through the window. “Oh. Um…”

“What is it? Blonde, Brunette…is she a red head?”

“She’s gorgeous.”

“Bloody hell, I knew it.” He yelped.

“Yeah, definitely. I would say she’s as beautiful as Emma Swan.”

“The bookstore woman?” He asked confused.

“You said she was attractive.”

“Why are we even talking about Emma Swan right now?”

“Because, if you don’t like Emma Swan, you’re definitely not going to like this woman.”

“Why not?” Killian growled.

“Because she is Emma Swan.” Killian ran up the stairs, pushing himself against Belle and peering into the restaurant.

“Bloody hell.” He watched as Emma sat at the table, a soft smile across her lips, adjusting the book and the flower on the table as she nervously watched the door. Killian sighed and turned away from the door, walking back to the sidewalk.

“Where are you going?” Belle said loudly. “You’re just gonna let her sit there alone?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“But she’s lonelygirl, you were desperate to know who she was just ten minutes ago.”

“Goodnight Belle.” He said sadly, walking back toward his apartment.

~*~

Emma stared anxiously at the door, inspecting every person who walked through the entrance. When a tall man entered, smiling at her as he turned the corner, she stood up to greet him only for another woman to rush toward him, pulling her into his arms. Emma sat down, feeling dejected, her stomach tied in knots from disappointment. She couldn’t believe JR10 stood her up.

Maybe he was too good to be true.

“Ma’am, do you want your check?”

“No, can I have another glass of wine, please.” The waiter smiled and nodded sadly at her.

“Excuse me Ma’am.” Emma looked up excitedly at a young man standing next to her table. Ok he was a little younger than she expected, but age didn’t matter, right? “Are you using this chair?”

Emma narrowed her eyes as he started to remove the other chair from her table. “Put it down.” She bit her lip. “Sorry, I’m using it, I have a date, he’s coming.” The man apologized and Emma hollered after him. “He’s late.” She groaned as the door swung open and she felt like everything was moving in slow motion until it came to a screeching halt.

Killian Jones. Are you fucking kidding me?

He walked past her table, and she saw him react when he recognized her. His hands traced her table before picking up her book and making a face. She grabbed it from his hands and placed it back on her table. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” He said, taking a seat across from her.

“I’m sorry, but that seat is taken.”

He looked around with an air of arrogance, “Is he invisible? Do you have an invisible friend now?” He stood and apologized to the chair.

“Would you please leave.”

He had the nerve to bow, which made her blood boil. But instead of walking away, he took the table behind her, sitting down and leaning closer to her. “You know I’ve read that book.”

Emma looked down at her book. “You’ve read Pride and Prejudice?”

“I think you’d find a lot of things surprising about me, if you actually knew me.”

Emma glared at him, “If I got to know you I bet I’d find a cash register instead of a brain and instead of a heart, a bottom line.” Her mouth dropped.

“What’s wrong?” He replied after seeing the look on her face.

“I just did something I’ve never been able to do before. When confronted by a terrible and insensitive person, I knew exactly what to say, exactly at the right time.”

“I must agree, congratulations, it was the perfect mixture of poetry and mean spiritedness.”

“Mean spirted? I beg your pardon?”

“Don’t be offended, I was paying you a compliment, lass.”

“Please leave, I beg you.” She said on the verge of tears.

She reached into her purse, pulling out her handkerchief and dabbing the corners of her eyes.

“You know what that reminds me of? The first time we met.” He said reverently.

“You mean the day you lied to me when you were spying on me.”

“Hey, I never lied to you.”

She snorted. “Yeah whatever helps you sleep at night.”

The door opened and they both turned toward the door. A short man with an angry face entered the room. “I’m going to venture a guess that this is not him either. Who could your mystery man be? Will you be mean to him too?”

“Of course I won’t because the man I’m meeting is nothing like you. He’s kind and sweet and a much better man than you.”

“Except that he’s stood you up, it’s bad form to leave a lady waiting.”

“If he’s not here, then he has a good reason. Because there isn’t a mean bone in his entire body. But you wouldn’t know that because you’re just a jerk in a leather jacket who thinks he’s better than everyone else.” She turned away from him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“And that’s my cue to leave.” He said softly, in a voice that sounded almost disappointed. But Emma didn’t care, all she wanted was to be alone.

~*~

“Somewhere inside that hard exterior must be the same woman who writes to you online, maybe underneath it all she’s just…”

“A real bitch.” He replied to Belle. “Can we not talk about Emma Swan? I’m going back to the office.” He said with annoyance, walking out of the back office and slipping out of the store onto the street. He hated that this woman was still driving him mad. She was a thorn in his side, infuriating, and troublesome and yet all he could think about was the way she wrote to him, the way he waited anxiously just to see that message pop up on screen.

More than anything, he missed her.

~*~

“So, he stood you up?” Ruby said angrily.

“Or he got injured.” Emma interjected and Will laughed. “Seriously, what if he had an accident on the way to restaurant? What if he’s lying in a hospital bed right now?”

“What if he’s a bloody murderer and he was meeting up with you to kill you?”

“Will!” Ruby exclaimed.

“I’m not bloody kidding, remember that murder at my apartment a few weeks back? They caught the guy, last night!” He pulled out his phone, searching for the information and holding up the screen to show them a picture of the man who was arrested the previous night.

“Oh my God.” Emma said cupping her hand over her mouth.

“Emma, that’s not him.” Ruby said rolling her eyes.

“But what if it is.”

“You’re making excuses, so you don’t feel sad about getting stood up, I get it, I do.”

Emma frowned; she knew her friend was right. She was sad, and maybe a little bit angry at JR10 for standing her up. Even though he hadn’t sent her a message since last night, perhaps she needed to let him know how she felt.

Lonelygirl: I’m thinking about you. Last night I went to meet you and you didn’t show up. I wish I could understand why. I feel like such a fool. But while I waited for you to arrive, another man showed up. A man who has effectively been trying to ruin my professional life. But the most amazing thing happened, for the first time in my life, I was able to say exactly what I wanted at exactly the right time. But just as you said, I immediately felt regret for saying them. I was mean, and I’m never mean. And even if it didn’t hurt him, because honestly, he just thinks of me as a bug to crush under his feet, but what if it did hurt him? I behaved badly and that made me sad. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I consider you a dear friend, and I hope you had a good reason for not being there tonight, but if you didn’t and we never speak again, then I want you to know how much this time with you has meant to me. How much it has meant just to know you were there.

Emma shut down her laptop, wiping the tears from her eyes and crawling into bed.

~*~

Killian paced in front of his desk, reading the message from Emma again. He stopped for a moment, glaring at the screen before walking away and getting a bottle of rum from his kitchen. He poured a glass and took a sip. He wasn’t going to reply to her. He would just let it end this way and be done with this charade.

He poured another glass and walked toward his desk, turning sharply, and heading to the living room. Sitting down on the couch he turned on the television and his vision blurred to the sounds of some mindless television show playing out ridiculous scenes on screen.

Sipping his glass, he swallowed, the warm liquid coating his throat as it slid into his belly. “Fuck.” He cursed, standing up and walking back to his desk. Looking at the screen he re-read the message from Emma for the fourth time that evening.

Fine, he thought. I’m actually going to do this.

JR10: I’m in Vancouver.

He laughed and hit the backspace button, deleting what he had written.

JR10: I was stuck in a meeting; a microburst took out the entire block so there was no way I could reach out.

“Ridiculous.” He said out loud, erasing the message again.

JR10: I cannot explain what happened last night, but I feel terrible, love. I wasn’t there for you and instead I caused you more pain. I’m sure that whatever you said last night was provoked, even deserved. You expected to find someone you trusted and met the enemy instead. I truly am sorry; the fault is mine alone. I hope that one day I will be able to explain to you what happened, in the meantime, I’m here for you. Please talk to me.

~*~

“So, he didn’t tell you why he didn’t show up?”

“Nope, just that he would explain another time.”

“Sounds like a scam to me.” Ruby said, biting her lip.

Mrs. Lucas cleared her throat. “What have you decided, dear?”

Emma frowned, sipping her tea slowly. “I don’t think we have a choice. We’re going to have to close.”

“Emma, I’m so sorry.” Ruby offered beside her.

“I feel like such a failure, like I’m just giving up, letting him win. It feels like mom is…”

“Oh, sweet girl, closing the store doesn’t keep her alive. No matter how much you want it to.”

Emma cried that evening, staring at empty shelves, barren walls, a darkened store that would forever be gone. She imagined her mother, looking down at her while she danced in circles around her legs. Had she really lost or was this just her being brave? Maybe trying something new was the brave thing to do? Letting go of the past, her safety net.

As she sat across from August, staring at him while he spoke between bites, she realized that for the first time in her life, she could be anything that she wanted.

“I have an Amazon prime account.” She announced.

He paused, “What?”

“I know, I know, they are evil incarnate, but when I buy something, I get it the next day and that’s pretty awesome and I should have told you, but I didn’t.” She let the statement hang in the air.

“Since when do you shop online?”

“I know, I suppose you could never be with someone that buys items online from large corporations.”

He laughed. “Forget about it, I forgive you. It’s fine.”

Emma glared at him. “You forgive me?” She took a long drink of her wine while August stared at her with concern growing on his face.

“What’s wrong Emma?” Suddenly the dam burst, and tears started to stream down her face. “Hey, don’t do that. Emma, it’s alright. This has been a tough week with the store closing.”

“It’s not that though, August, I need…”

“That was insensitive of me.”

Emma sniffled. “What was?”

“To bring up the store, when you’re having a hard time and I’m the one who’s…” He took a quick drink and reached out to take her hand. “Emma I don’t know how to say this. I think you are an amazing person, and honestly I’m so honored that you chose me because I know that means something to you and…”

“You don’t love me.” She said suddenly realizing what he was trying to tell her. He frowned, squeezing her hand and Emma burst into a fit of giggles. “That’s wonderful news, I don’t love you either.”

“But we’re so right for each other.” He mused.

“I know, it doesn’t make sense. Is there someone else?”

“Nothing that’s happened, but there is a woman, I don’t know. What about you? Is there someone else for you?”

Emma sighed sadly. “No, but there is the dream of someone else.”

#love war and books #stacy's fics #killian jones #emma swan #captain swan #captain swan fics #captain swan au #captain swan modern au

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searching-in-silence · 4 years

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Our story and thoughts about Jikook

Hi! I first of all love your channel!

I like to tell you my story and thoughts about Jikook. Sorry in advance if it’s too long! :-D

So since august 2020 I became an ARMY, I never heard of BTS nor K-pop before, I just saw the MV Dynamite and I loved it so much. What stood out for me was the dynamic of the boys. But what I also noticed in the MV saw something weird (to me), it was the look Jimin gave JJK before he jumped on his back, I was quite intrigued by this. Anyways I didn’t think of it much further and started looking at more MV’s of BTS and soon I only listened to BTS and watched their MV’s, interviews, old clips of them, RUN BTS,… every day,hours in a row. Jimin and JJK stood out for me but I didn’t think of them as possible boyfriends yet, I just thought Jimin was obviously gay and a cute flirty guy. I was not at all familiar with the term Shipping because it’s not something we do in our country with boysbands or actors, it doesn’t exist here. So me and my sister (she is 17, I’m 33 LOL) became ARMY at the same time in 2020. My sister was way more active on Insta, Twitter,… So it didn’t take long for her to discover shipping, soon she was a Taekook shipper, she said she shipped them because she loves these 2 guys most and because of their looks and their bond. I didn’t understand much of what she meant by this or why she would ‘ship’ them at all (like what is that and why?). Anyways Later on, around September/ October 2020 I noticed more signs of Jikook being something different: like 'arriving late at an interview, 'Jimin saying he was with JK at 4 am while minutes before JK told a different story, some RUN BTS moments that looked so intimate or gay to me. I don’t know, I had a strange but loving feeling with these two. And then BAM while watching some old video’s of BTS Rookie king, American Hustle,.. I got a recommendation for a Jikook video (first ever for me), I watched it and it felt like a puzzle came together. There were moments of concerts in it I hadn’t yet seen, there were very to the point analysis. I was just Jungshook :-O From then on I watched Jikook videos every day on top of everything BTS related. When watching old stuff from BTS I kept an extra eye on Jikook now and wow I was amazed by how slowly but obviously JJK started falling in love with Jimin. But it was only after I saw CGF Tokyo (I was quite late discovering that one) I was very much convinced of Jikook being in love/ being boyfriends. So there I was being addicted to the love between Jikook. One day I talked about Jikook with my sister, who’s a Taekooker. We never did before talk about Jikook specifically, we only talked about BTS in general but that day I asked her why on earth would you think Taekook are a couple while Jikook are obviously a couple. She then said that neither of them are real and showed me a lot of Taekook and Vmin video’s. After that my world came crashing down. I never saw another ship video before, only Jikook. I was so convinced I was witnessing a very beautiful and unique lovestory but then there was my younger sister telling me, I quote: “woman seriously, what did you think? They are all close friends who grew up together and are very much into skinship and fanservice, I’m sorry sis but none of them are dating and if they are then they’re a threesome, doesn’t make sense”. She was right, the interactions I saw between Jikook I could easily see between VMin and Taekook too. I secretly cried for 2 days and felt really bad, not believing in true love anymore. I know it’s weird at my age but that’s what it was like for me. My boyfriend really looked at me like I was a ridiculous teenager but I couldn’t help it. I thought I witnessed a true love couple in front of me but I was being played. I think 2 months went by, me ignoring everything Jikook, only watching BTS in general, luckily for me there was little interaction as in skinship anyways, except for the Christmas Dynamite video when Jimin was all cozy with JJK (I blamed it on fanservice) and then the iconic Black Swan performance, which I watched a 100 times over and cried for (I blamed it on the choreographer because Jikook do make the best dance pair); but then BAM all of the sudden there was the recent Vlive BE.T.S. and I was Jungshook, I was like 'come on, they’re all over each other, but why????’ I felt a little angry at Jikook about the 'fanservice’ this time because lately they didn’t do that a lot and I felt like they grew out of it and I was content with that since my heart was broken because of the fanservice before. It felt more fair to me that the members stopped doing fanservice. But no, there was Jikook again, right in front of all of us, flirting like they hadn’t seen each other in a while. Not just Jimin also JJK was looking at Jimin like a lover. It bothered me a lot because my heart was still healing from a 'break-up’ kinda feeling. But guess what happened next: I got a text from my little sister: “oh my god sis Jikook might be real after all” I texted her back “shut up, don’t laugh at me, I’m pissed”. and she: “No seriously, what is this, they flirt like there’s no tomorrow :-O Boyfriends after all?? ”… I was shocked that she of all people started believing in Jikook, while I finally saw reality because of her and her fiends. I start doubting Jikook again. So we came together and we wrote down some facts that could indicate Jikook being a real couple. Things Jikook did or said that they didn’t do with other members. I first wrote down 'it’s in their eyes, their stares’ but my sis reminded me that it goes for Taekook and Vmin as well so no, not a fact actually. But we came up with these facts:

1) GCF Tokyo, JJK planned this for Jimin’s birthday and it was all about Jimin, you could interpret it as a film for a very special friend but the song that goes with it and the fact that it was for his birthday were too suspicious and the most important fact: he ONLY did that for Jimin, not any other member after that. 2) Jimin is the most special member to JJK. He never gave gifts on B-days to members but he did gave Jimin a B-day present in 2017, just him, not the other members. After the members pointing him about this special treatment he did start giving everyone presents but back then it was only Jimin. 3) I can write a lot about why we think this but we are sure the members are not living together at the dorms anymore, only for work or maybe they crash there sometimes but they don’t actually live there anymore. So they take different cars from there home base to get where they’re going and Jikook always take the same care, especially since 2019, not really sure they live together although we could sum up some facts that could indicate they live together but we can say they at least want to be together before and after work, like almost all the time. An important one for us is that they were both late at the live MBC Radio show in September 2020. The excuse was they took a different highway then the rest and were stuck in traffic (they were like 30 min late). That doesn’t make sense at all, why would one of the cars take a different highway if they are all following each other to get there. We suppose they all gather at the dorms to go to there appointments to make sure they all arrive at the same time at their appointments. So the cars will be following each other, which we can see that is the case, all members always arrive at the same time in different cars (except Jikook, same car). So the excuse makes no sense, it’s either that they both left a lot later then the rest from the dorms (which would be weird) OR they came from a different place (their own place?) and indeed took that certain highway and got stuck in traffic because they weren’t following the other cars. Well that is more likely right? 4) Jimin took a long flight from Paris to S-K just to spend a few hours with JJK on his B-day at the evening. Sure Jimin is a great friend for all the members but this goes beyond that. Me and my sis wouldn’t even do that for each other (our B-days are at the same day, but 16 years apart so it’s special for us too), we would celebrate after our trip. 5) Billboard 1° interview “I was with Jungkook at 4 AM …we cried together”, the day before that interview there was a Vlive for JJK’s B-day and the tension there was weird between Jikook, they seemed unhappy. Jimin was trying to say something about JJK but was caught off twice, anyways he said it the day after: 'he was with JJK’ at that time, since they all don’t live together this is very questionable, all nighter friends forever?… We both found this significant. 6) We all know that Jimin really likes snow. Bon Voyage season 4: JJK got up early and climbed a mountain (without camera’s, so not for fanservice) to get a lump of snow and then gave it to Jimin. So this moment was sweet, romantic but also really awkward, the crew being there and Jimin’s very shy reaction. We believe JJK meant this moment to be just between the two of them (JJk got up early for this) but the crew spotted him and yeah soon ((unfortunately) like 10 people were watching JJK giving Jimin that gift. Jimin didn’t know what to do or say… Between friends it wouldn’t be that awkward or it wouldn’t even happen in the first place. My boyfriend wouldn’t even do this for me, it’s too corny. 7) Rose Bowl, it’s debatable that JJK actually sucked Jimin’s ear but he at least kissed it twice and in an intimate way, this kind of intimacy we couldn’t find between any other members (yes we did search) we saw some intimate moments between Taekook and Vmin that looked very suspicious too but it was not like that special Jikook moment. This is another level. 8) As far as we know they spend the most time together off work: going ice skating, going to the cinemas, touring in London, watching the first snow together. All this in their private time without crew and cameras, no fanservice here. So we can say that even though they already work all these hours together in a day they still want to spend time together after that. J-Hope and Jimin spend time together off work too but mostly it’s Jikook who spend most time together off work. They must really like each other cause honestly I love my boyfriend but no way that I would want to be with him as much as Jikook are together, I would feel suffocated. 9) We debated a while about this one, my sis found it more important than me. RUN BTS episode 116-117 were a member (blindfolded) had to touch/feel the pose the members took to guess the song. Quite intimate game in our opinion but hey it’s S-Korea and skinship is normal… Editors for some reason did not show us JJK touching Jimin, all the others were shown, only of Jikooks scene we didn’t get the footage, just a picture of it afterwards. OK in my opinion the picture is for fanservice but why on earth leave the scene out at all, was it too intimate?, was it too awkward for the crew to film? we don’t know but fact is it was not shown. Normally I don’t over-analyse things but sis is right when she says this one is very suspicious. Editors cut a lot of scenes for different reasons but this one is just too suspicious. 10) Ever since 2013 they are all nighter buddies and JJK loves sleeping in Jimins bed. Just facts.

There is so much more to say about Jikook, like their matching rings, wearing each others clothes but that is not exclusively for Jikook, we found that Taekook also did this. Jikook does it more but still it’s not just them so we don’t take it as proof. Also hand holding, hugs, stares, it’s not something exclusively for them, they all do that, and considering these boys were very young when they got together and lived together a long time as a family, are together 24/7, it’s not surprising that in a country where skinship is normal, these boys are all over each other like there are no boundaries. It’s normal for them. Tae, JJK, Jimin, J-hope are especially into skinship but it hits different with Jikook if you consider what goes on between them beside that. Also we think there is less skinship these days which is quite normal since the members are all grown up now, so it’s a bit surprising when we see Jikook still being quite touchy. About their songs there are a lot of theories too that we can support (I am you and you are me,…) but they are still just theories.

In conclusion: My sister now believes they are a couple LOL. How fast the night changes :-) Taekook is still her favorite ship but she believes Jikook are a real couple, go figure……

I’m personally still careful in what I choose to believe so I can’t be heartbroken again if they turn out to not be a couple after all. I believe Jikook are more than friends/brothers and are likely in love with each other, possibly a couple and maybe living together :-) But still there are many things that make me question them as a couple as well and there is also the possibility that they just come off as a couple because of that special bond they have but in reality they are not. I hope they are a couple though because it would make the world a more beautiful place, I can’t explain why…

Thank you for letting me write our story here and sorry for this book I wrote LOL

Lots of love JD & S (ARMY sisters and Jikook supporters)

FROM SIS : Thank you for trusting me with your story!!! I am glad you came forward with your experience https://youtu.be/MwMLw6FdycY (I hope you don’t mind my comment at the end of it)

#Submission Post #submission

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skatoonyfan1234 · 3 years

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Lickboot's Redemption

AU Version of the ending of the 1992 Tom & Jerry movie. What if Lickboot suddenly redeemed himself at the last minute? Dedicated to Tony Jay, Lickboot's voice actor.

[I do not, and never will, own Tom & Jerry, or any of their movies, not even the new 2021 Tom & Jerry Movie.]

[set during the fire in the cabin]

The fire was spreading through the cabin like... well, a fire.

Robyn was up on the top floor, and she was backing away from the flames, whilst Aunt Figg and Lickboot were by the upturned table.

"You fools!" Figg yelled angrily, "Look what you've done!" Realizing they were now in danger, she turned to Lickboot, who was rubbing his knee from when Robyn kicked him, and she said, "Lickboot, grab the girl and let's get outta here!"

Lickboot stood up, and stared up at Robyn. "Robyn, the house is burning down!" he pleaded, "You must get out before it's too late!"

"No!" Robyn shouted, "No, I won't go with you! You'll never take me back!"

At that moment, a beam got loosened by the flames and fell down onto the stairs, trapping Robyn on the top floor, cutting her off from Figg & Lickboot. She backed away and screamed in alarm, as the flames got ever closer to her.

"Lickboot, let's get outta here before we all fry!" Figg wailed, as she ran toward the door.

"But the girl-!" Lickboot protested.

"Forget her!" Figg snapped, apparently not caring about Robyn anymore. "We gotta save ourselves!"

She tugged at the door, forgetting that is was already locked.

"No." Lickboot said firmly.

Figg immediately stopped tugging at the door. "What?!" she said in shock and horror upon hearing what she'd just heard.

"You heard me, Pristine." Lickboot said firmly. "I'm not going with you! I'm going back for Robyn!"

"I told you to leave her, Lickboot!" Figg snapped. "If that pathetic brat wants to stay and get burned to death, that's fine by me! I'll still claim her daddy's money either way!"

As Figg & Lickboot were arguing, they didn't see that Tom and Jerry had reached the sunroof from outside, and they saw Robyn crouching down in a corner. Tom taps the sunroof to get her attention and she looked up to see him and Jerry on the sunroof with delight.

"I can't leave her, Pristine!" Lickboot stated firmly. "I have to help her!"

Words could not describe how angry Figg was at that moment. Any words she woulda said at how she felt at this moment would almost be words even Spike the bulldog and his son Tyke, or Mammy Two-Shoes, or Nibbles, or the abusive chef owner from the cartoon 'High Steaks' shouldn't hear.

"ALRIGHT, You double-crossing, mud-sucking, no-good lawyer!" Figg yelled. "If you want to go back for her and get burned to death, be my guest! We're through!"

"Fine!" Lickboot said sternly. He headed towards Robyn, and then turned back and said to Figg, "By the way, the keys are on the hanger."

Figg quickly grabbed the keys on the hanger, and used the key Lickboot used to unlock the door. She grabbed Ferdinand, skateboard and all, and said, "Come on, Ferdy, let's get outta here!"

She raced down the stairs as fast as her legs would let her, jumped onto the paddle steamer, grabded the wheel, and sped off down the river.

"So long, Robyn! So long, Lickboot!" Figg chuckled evilly as she sped away down the river, as Ferdinand covered his eyes at the sight of the burning cabin.

"Don't worry, Ferdie." she laughed. "When Robyn dies, I'll make sure to claim her father's money!"

---------

By this time, Robyn had just been rescued by Tom and Jerry. They were just about to leave when they saw Lickboot jump to the opening and grab on by his fingers.

"Lickboot?!" exclaimed Robyn in surprise, as she and Tom pulled him out. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I told you I wouldn't go with you and Aunt Figg."

"I know, but I just couldn't abandon you, Robyn." he said. "I'm getting you to your father."

Robyn gasped, as well as Jerry. Tom's jaw dropped down so fast, and so hard, it made a small hole in the roof.

"I did not see that coming." Jerry said to the viewers.

"Oh, Lickboot, I knew you cared about me!" Robyn said joyfully, hugging Lickboot.

"Uh, excuse me, Robyn," Tom said, "I really, really, REALLY hate to interrupt, but can we save the emotional moment till after we're off this burning cabin?!" the last part rising to a yell of panic.

Lickboot and Robyn didn't need to be told twice; They climbed onto the top of the roof as it shakes. Immediately, they saw a helicopter appearing from the woods and flying over to the burning cabin. Leaning outta the cockpit was Robyn's father, Michael Starling. "Look, the cabin's on fire! Maybe we're too late!" he called.

"Daddy!" Robyn exclaimed.

"Robyn, I'm coming! Hang on!" Michael Starling called loudly.

The helicopter flew as close as it could to the roof, but the blades whirled so fast that the wind they made forced Tom and Jerry backwards.

"Robyn, take my hand! Hurry!" Michael Starling called, holding out his hand. Robyn reached out and grabbed it as he pulled her to the cockpit.

"Oh, Daddy, I know you'd come." Robyn said gratefully.

"You're safe now, Robyn. I'm here." Michael told his daughter.

Just then, Robyn noticed Tom, Jerry, and Lickboot. "Wait, no! We can't leave them!" she said.

"I'm coming, Robyn!" Lickboot cried. He took a big leap, and only just managed to grab on to one of the helicopter's landing skids.

"Tom! Jerry!" Robyn called, "You're gonna have to jump!"

"Are you kidding?!" Tom said, aghast. "I'm not gonna jump! What if I miss?"

"Well, you can either stay and be roasted by a burning cabin or you can fall into the river. Your choice." Jerry said smugly, leaping onto Tom's head.

Tom became annoyed. "If I ever get outta this movie alive, I'm getting a replacement mouse." Tom complained to the viewers.

"Hurry up!" Robyn called, "The cabin's gonna go any second!"

"Hold on, Jerry!" Tom said. With Jerry clinging on tightly to his head, Tom ran, jumped and leapt as high and as far as he could. Robyn closed her eyes, waiting for the worst. Her father still held onto her, just as concerned for them as concerned as he was for his daughter.

Then, there was silence.

"Robyn!" Jerry called. "We're alright!"

Robyn opened one eye, then the other, and saw that Tom & Jerry had grabbed onto Lickboot's pants leg. She was relieved, and so was her dad.

"You made it!" Robyn cried.

"And just in time!" Michael Starling called. "Look!"

As he said this, the fire burnt through the cabin's supports, and then the whole cabin collapsed into the water; the splashes made from when it landed extinguishing the flames.

------

Once it was safe to land, Tom, Jerry, Robyn, Lickboot, and Michael Starling all came down onto the dock.

"Tom, Jerry, I'm so glad you're alright!" Robyn said, as she hugged them.

"Yeah, more or less." Tom said.

Michael Starling came over, hugging Robyn.

"Robyn," he said, "I promise I'll never leave you again." He looked at Tom & Jerry. "And I want to thank you, Tom & Jerry, for helping my daughter."

"We're real sorry about the cabin, though." Jerry said.

They stared at the wreckage of the cabin, with furniture and wood littering the water.

"Don't worry." Michael Starling said, "We can rebuild the cabin, bigger, better than before."

"Yeah." said Tom, "And we'll use our million dollar reward to help fund it for you."

"What?" Robyn asked, confused.

"The million dollar reward we saw on a milk carton." Tom said. "That's the reward we get for finding you."

"Yes," Lickboot said, "The reward that I said we'd give to the one who found Robyn and brought her back to me and Aunt Figg, even though we'd have no intention of paying, and..."

Lickboot stopped dead upon seeing Robyn & Michael Starling glaring at him, thus making him realize too late that he'd blurted out the whole 'phony reward' scam.

"...I shouldn't probably have said that out loud, should I?" he said sheepishly.

"Wow. Who would've thought that there was no million dollar reward at all? I certainly wasn't expecting that." Tom said to no one in particular.

"And I certainly think the cops will be sure to hear about this from you and Figg." Michael Starling said sternly, getting out his phone.

"Wait." Robyn said, getting in front of Lickboot, "Daddy, he did save me, and he did care about me. Couldn't you consider something a bit less harder on him?."

Michael stared at his daughter, and at Tom & Jerry, and Lickboot.

"Well..." Michael Starling said hesitantly, "I might be able to consider something..."

-----

Thanks to Tom & Jerry, Robyn was finally reunited with her father, and now they would never have to worry about Figg again.

Figg was found out for cruelly abusing Robyn, and she was arrested, and given a life sentence in prison for child abuse, and for exploiting Robyn for money. And her dog Ferdinand was sent to the dog pound.

Lickboot was fired from his job as Michael Starling's lawyer, and he was sentenced to prison for setting up a phony million dollar reward.

With enough good behavior, Lickboot was given an early parole, and he moved into a better business - real-estate. He sold Dr Applecheek's house to a worthy buyer, and soon, married a blonde-haired woman when he met her outside her new house.

So now Lickboot had found his happy ending.

--------

In loving memory of Tony Jay

(2 February 1933 – 13 August 2006)

The best actor for Disney, Warner Bros, and all others.

#tom & jerry #lickboot #redemption #tom & jerry the movie #tom & jerry the movie 1993 #figg #au #what if #happy ending

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puckngrind · 4 years

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Skating Lessons: part 30 - J. Anderson

Summary: Josh’s birthday in the middle of a pandemic.

Warning: language, smut, quarantine, smut

Word count: 2,957

Series Masterlist

“Momma, why doesn’t Josh get a birthday party?” Mason adds the candles to the pancakes and you hand him the sprinkles. His eyes go wide.

“Remember the germs that made hockey stop? Well Josh cannot go home to his family.” You grab the shaker realizing there were plenty of blue sprinkles.

“Aren’t we kinda like his family too?” Mason questions. You go to answer when Josh appears from the hall. His hair sticking straight up as he pulled his shirt down.

“Yup Mace. I wouldn’t want to spend my birthday with anyone else.” Josh kisses your forehead and fist bumps Mason. “You two didn’t have to make me birthday pancakes, you know.”

“Yes we did it’s your... your... Momma, what’s it called when we do something every year?”

“Tradition. Speaking of...” Your fingers scroll and click and Josh looks at you with one eyebrow up as the distinct sound of FaceTime buzzes. “Everyone ready there?” You move the phone to Josh’s view from where he sat in front of the pancakes.

“Hi Mom! And Dad, and Jess, Jordan, Jake.” Josh looks up at you with a smile as you light the candles.

“Ready?” Mason climbs into Josh’s lap and starts singing. You see Josh’s eyes water as his family joins Mason and yourself. Mason helps him blow out the candles and you hear the cheers from the Anderson family. They chat a little as Josh and Mason share his sprinkle filled pancakes.

You retreat to your bedroom to change your batter covered clothes. Mason might be an adorable sous chef but he was definitely a messy one. You see the shirt you want and reach for the top shelf in your closest when Josh’s arms wrap just under your chest and his lips ghost your ear. “You didn’t have to orchestrate that (y/n) but thank you.” You turn and wrap your arms around his neck.

“You deserve it. I was hoping to make your birthday a little better than last year.” Josh winces and you know it just brought back the memory. “Sorry. I am clearly sucking at making it better.”

“Oh Baby. Just me getting to do this makes my birthday better than last year.” Josh kisses your lips softly and you hum in approval.

“Just wait until this evening.” You pull away from him and see the confusion in his eyes. “My parents are taking Mace for the evening.”

“So I have you all to myself?” Josh pulls your body into him and you nod while sucking your lip into your teeth. “26 is looking up already.” He kisses your lips again and a slight moan slips out. “Hmm, well that can wait.” He chuckles and breaks your embrace. By the time you changed and found Josh and Mason they were outside playing on the swing set in the back yard. Neither one seems to notice that you stepped out to the patio.

“So Josh, why can you go to work but some of your other teammates can’t?” Mason asks while Josh pushes him on the swing.

“Well, remember when I didn’t play?” Josh rubs his shoulder absentmindedly. Mason nods. “Well, that’s why. The doctors and trainers can still work on me and Seth since we were hurt when the season stopped.”

“But I cannot go skating?” Mason asks and Josh laughs a little.

“No Bud, but Cam said we can go to his rink soon, kay?” Josh looks up finally and sees your smile. “Look, Momma came out. Now we can order lunch!” Both of your boys cheer.

The three of you load up in your car and head to pick up lunch from one of Josh’s favorite restaurants. Since March, getting out of the house for simple tasks was exciting. The early May weather was nice and Josh suggested you eat down by the river. The three of you found a spot in the grass by the bike path. Mason downed his lunch and got up quickly to start running around and skipping rocks in the river.

“Do you miss living downtown J?” You break the comfortable silence taking in your surroundings and Josh’s hand finds yours as you leaned back watching Mason.

“Nope. Living alone in the city isn’t the life I want anymore, (y/n).” Josh leans over and kisses your lips. “Nothing compares to what I have now.” You feel the heat flood your face.

“I was thinking, if you liked living closer... we could...” Josh’s lips stop your stammering.

“Nope. Suburban living with great schools is exactly where we should be.” Josh kisses you again. “Now we could go to my condo tonight for a change of pace.” You almost forgot Josh still had his condo. He let a few of the call ups stay in it since he moved in with you and Mason. “It hasn’t been used in months.” Josh winks at you.

“I do miss my old bed.” You laugh out.

“Who said we were using the bed?” Josh retorts with his tongue sticking out between his teeth. You immediately feel the heat in your cheeks and between your legs.

You dropped Mason off at your parents after lunch and went back home to pack a bag. Josh got a few calls and texts from his hockey family wishing they could celebrate with him while you scurried around him.

“It feels like a pretend get away you know.” You joke as Josh slides into the driver seat after putting your bag in the back.

“It does and as soon as this Covid shit is done I’m taking you wherever you want to go.” Josh’s fingers interlace yours. “Vacation sounds amazing.”

“Agreed.” You breathe out. “But being here has been okay, yes? Normally now you are in some warm climate or home, right?” Josh’s eyes look over at you with that look.

“Well, ideally we would be playing hockey until June, but yeah.” Josh squeezes your hand. “I have enjoyed spring with you through. Next year it won’t be this way. Kinda nice since this is our first year together that we have this extra time. You know?”

“Not sharing you with hockey...” you stop yourself realizing that hockey was in fact his job and now how he was supporting not only you but Mason since quitting your job officially last month.

“Not sharing me is nice? Is that what you were going to say?” Josh pulls into the curbside pick up. You nod. “I understand. Most of the guys have said their families are loving this time and with talks of coming back in August, well it will make for a weird playoff and off season.”

“I don’t understand.” You pull your eyebrows together.

“Well if this whole bubble thing happens I’ll leave for at least a few weeks, and then we don’t start the next season until Christmas.” Josh calls the restaurant to tell them he was there.

“So you will have more time off in October and November?” You ask after he’s off the phone.

“From the sounds of it. David is representing us in all the talks. Seth is his back up.”

“Oh! And trades happen?” You whisper.

“Anytime after we are eliminated, potentially. But we are celebrating and not talking about that shit right now. Hear me, (y/n)?” Josh rolls the window and grabs your food, thanking the server. “Yeah, Baby?” He leans to place the food behind you and pulls your face to his kissing you lightly.

“We will talk about it, eventually?” You try not to sound panicked.

“Yeah for sure, when I have more answers. Now off to the condo!” Josh starts driving and instantly hums to the song on the radio. He pulls into his parking spot and sighs.

“You okay Josh?” Your hand rubs his cheek.

“Yeah, just lots of memories. It seems like a lifetime ago when you left me in my boxers in this garage. A life time.” Josh tries to pull a smile.

“That was before my accident, when I still wasn’t sure why...” you trail off. Josh’s lips find yours.

“I’m glad you trust me now.” He jokes. “Now let’s get out of the car and enjoy our evening.” The smirk you loved crosses over his lips and he lets go of you to retrieve the bags. Some how holding your overnight bag and dinner in one hand and your hand with his other you make your way to his condo. Closing the door you hear Josh’s breath hitch.

“Welcome home.” You joke.

“Yeah, it doesn’t seem very homey anymore but I’m glad the guys didn’t destroy it.” He chuckles dropping dinner on the table and your bag on the floor by the hall. “Let’s eat first.” His lips find yours and his arms wrap around you.

“Your actions and words don’t match J.” You inhale to catch your breath.

“I know. But if we let dinner get cold it’s not as good.” He breaks from you and pulls out the seat. The two of you enjoy dinner talking about normal life things and your foot finds his leg rubbing it ever so lightly as dinner was almost finished your foot found it’s way between Josh’s leg making him drop his fork. “Fuck.”

“Sorry, did I go too far?” You move your foot and Josh’s hand catches your ankle.

“No. That wasn’t a turned on fuck not an annoyed fuck.” You chuckle as Josh stands. His erection pulling his shorts tight. Holding his hand out for you to stand with him. He pulls your body flush to his and the feeling of him on you makes your body weak. His tongue quickly swiping through your mouth wanting to be closer to you. He steps into you until your back hits the glass wall. Pulling your leg up over his hip. Josh only releasing your lips to kiss down your neck then back up to your lips. You moan in his mouth and feel his grunt rumble throughout your body. Your core throbbing for him as he pulls at your top. “Off.” He orders.

“Can anyone see us?” Your hand covers his.

“No. Tinted at night.” Josh bites at your collarbone and then pulls your shirt off. “I could fuck your right here and no one would see us.”

“Josh!” You aren’t sure if it was out of protest or turned on. “It is your birthday.” He nods and reaches up to pull of his shirt.

“So maybe we should be in our birthday suits then?” Josh goes to take off your leggings.

“Wow! 26 has brought the corny jokes, eh?” You bite the inside of your cheek and look up at Josh. His blue eyes full of desire.

“Hush. Just get naked.” He starts at your leggings again when there is a knock at the door. “Who the fuck is that?” He doesn’t move.

“Oh! It’s cake!” You almost forgot that you ordered a small cake from the bakery down the street. You slink out from between Josh and the window.

“Babe! You are just in your bra!” Josh turns on his heels.

“They are leaving it at your door. No contact whatever.” You open the door slightly making sure no one was there and grab the box sitting on the door mat. Shutting the door you jump not realizing Josh had followed you. “I forgot candles but happy birthday.” You slowly open the box to reveal the tiny frosted cake. Without saying anything Josh pulls you up into his arms and you yelp. “Want to eat the cake first?” You look at Josh thankful you had two hands on the box.

“We are bringing it with us.” Josh’s animalistic tone made your panties wet. He slowly dropped you to your feet, takes the cake from your hold and places it on the night stand. “Now where was I?” Josh reaches around and flicks off your bra with ease and starts to ease you out of your leggings and panties. You easily release his shorts and drop to your knees as you pull down his boxers and spring his cock free. Josh grunts from above you and sits slightly on the side of the bed. Your hand slides down his length then your tongue licks at his tip. His thighs tighten and his fists ball up the sheets. You start to wrap your lips around him and stop.

“Can you lay on the bed instead?” You look up at Josh who’s eyes are screwed shut and he nods shifting up into the bed and you follow. Placing your body between his legs you drop your mouth down around him. Josh’s hips shift as he hits the back of your throat. You slide up and down his length slowly eliciting barbaric sounds from his lips. Your hands press into his thighs as you hollow out your cheeks for him.

“(Y/n). Slow. Down.” Josh’s voice is strained and you giggle with him still in your mouth. “Fuck.” You slowly pull off of him. You see your man completely unglued above you. You eye the cake and snake your body up his kissing his lips.

“I’ll slow down.” You smirk and flip open the box. Swiping your finger in the icing and placing your finger in Josh’s mouth. He sucks it off and his eyes go wide.

“That’s delicious.” He says. “You should try it.” Before his fingers can get to the box your finger swipes more frosting off the top and swipe it down the hard line between his pecks and abs. “Fuuuuccck.” The sound of pure pleasure escapes his lips.

“Oops. Let me get that.” Your mischievous smile is noticed as you shift your weight. Licking from his navel to his chest. Josh’s muscles contract in your path. You lick his nipples and then move up to his lips. His hands find your hips and flip both of you over.

“My turn.” Josh’s eyes are dark and his lips press to yours with a sense of need. He swipes at the cake and pulls up on his arm to rub frosting on your nipple. He immediately pulls it in between his teeth and sucks hard. You moan loudly and out of habit cover your mouth. “We are alone. Remember?” He removes your hand. “I wanna hear you.” He let’s go and your hand finds his hair. Josh’s fingers dance at your entrance. “Fuck you are soaked.” Josh kisses your lips and brings his hand back up to suck off his fingers.

“I know it’s your birthday but I need you.” You pull at his neck in desperation. And Josh only answers by pressing deep inside of you. You let out a sound of relief as he bottoms out and you feel him deep inside. He wastes no time finding a rhythm that makes you both moan out in pleasure. “Josh.” You pant out feeling your orgasm build. Josh’s lips find yours again.

“Come with me.” He grunts out as he picks up his pace causing both of you to hit your highs. Josh doesn’t let up as you come down from your orgasm. He presses his body up so his torso is hovering over yours. He kisses your lips again and then your heaving chest. He pulls out of you as his mouth leaves open mouth kisses down your body.

“What.” you try to catch your breath as his lips find your thighs. “Are you doing?”

“I’m not done but I need a break.” He looks at you with a glimmer in his eye then proceeds to lick through your fold causing your entire body to jolt.

“Holy shit!” You scream out as his tongue fucks into you and his thumb finds your clit. You move your feet to his back and feel his skin in your toes as they curl into his back. He’s relentless and knows exactly where to move to make you yell out his name. When you are sure he will let up his body moves quickly up your and he presses into you again. A slew of curse words leaves Josh’s mouth as he holds his hips tight to yours. He drops to his forearms so his lips ghost yours.

“You feel so fucking good, Baby.” Josh whispers into your ear and you feel yourself melt under him. “Hold on just a moment longer. Can ya?” He pleads and you nod. He thrusts in and out knowing giving you exactly what you need. Feeling him twitch deep inside you again sends your third maybe forth orgasm crashing over you. Josh’s solid body landing on you. Feeling his sweat drip from his body mixing with yours.

After a few moments of just laying there like that completely blissed out Josh whispers as he rolls off you. “That was...”

“Amazing.” You finish his sentence. His body curled around yours. “Is it this bed, your birthday, or being alone?” You look up and back at Josh.

“Combination maybe. This bed is definitely coming back to our place when I get rid of this condo.” Josh presses his lips to your temple. “And definitely the best birthday I’ve had ever.”

“Really? I’m sure there have been other pretty amazing ones.” You turn and run your hand down his face.

“Nope. Spending the day with the love of my life. I’m not sure anything could top this one.” Josh’s lips find yours.

“Love of your life, huh?” You joke.

“Oh, (y/n), if you don’t know you are the love of my life I’m doing somethin’ wrong.” Josh pulls back to look at you.

“I know, J. I just like hearing it.” He pulls your body on top of his.

“Trust me. I’ll tell you forever how much I love you.” He pulls you into him.

“Forever.” You whisper.

#skating lessons fic #my andy man 77 #long time coming #birthday boy needs some lovin'#j anderson fic

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prettyoddfever · 4 years

Text

P!ATD: meeting Pete in late 2004

I’m going to get a bit more specific with dates here just because journalists were all over the map with whatever story they wanted to make up… I’ve seen dates published that are anywhere between early 2004 – spring 2005 for when the band met Pete.

So I’ll start in late November 2004... Fall Out Boy was recording in L.A. at this time. Ryan Ross (who was 18 & in college) had been spamming the internet and telling everyone to listen to his band. Journalists later wrote that Ryan had put his purevolume link on Pete’s myspace, youtube, livejournal, the FBR journal, and basically any site you could name (so they were confused about that too). Pete told Nylon in 2006:

“I ended up in a sort of ongoing livejournal skirmish with the guys in Panic!, where they would send me nasty messages and mess with me, and I’d mess with them back… One day they told me to listen to their band – which of course I did because I wanted to tell them how shitty they were – and was blown away. I couldn’t believe how awesome they sounded, so I signed them right away.”

Ryan told Big Cheese in early 2006:

“I sent a link to our purevolume page to his journal. I figured he’d never even hear it. He sent me an email saying he wanted to hear more, so he drove to Las Vegas and sat in on a band practice, and then he said he wanted to sign us.”

Spencer said in late August 2006:

“We had two demos online and Ryan posted a link to the website on Fall Out Boy’s livejournal on the internet. And Pete happened to see it, happened to click on it, listened to the songs, and contacted us.”

Ryan said “When we first talked, Pete said he usually never listens to anything people post, but by chance happened to that day.” (Pete’s also told a version of the story a few times where he initially wanted to listen to the song just to tell the guys they sucked... but instead he ended up scrambling to sign them).

These interview quotes from early 2006 give a good summary of what Ryan & Pete usually said.

So on November 28th Pete posted this after listening to the demos – you can still see Ryan’s reply in the comments. And if you glanced at some of the stuff I put in previous posts, you can probably tell what a huge FOB fan Ryan was in 2003-2004 and how surreal that moment must’ve been. (Also, Brendon’s early email address was just as funny as Ryan’s so I hope nobody’s mocking that still ha). In future interviews the band would sometimes say that Pete didn’t discover them – they found Pete.

Ryan’s November 28th livejournal post after he talked to Pete: “’take those pics and write the hits’ wow. big things have been happening. pete from fob heard the band and liked it. he and i talked today about alot of things about what we plan to do, as of now he’s going to go see us in california. who knows after that. wierd that someone in a band i really like is into my music. it feels good.”

Brent’s brother Blake later leaked a supposed transcript of an AIM chat between Ryan & Pete, but he was also trying to destroy the band’s image that season and was busy posting other inaccurate info that only showed how little Brent even knew about the band. So I’d definitely take the content in that chat “between Ryan & Pete” with a grain of salt (even if it seems fun). I definitely wouldn’t trust anything from Blake... especially something that he shared in mid-2006.

Anyways, Pete said he signed the band right away and Ryan said one time that Pete drove out the next day, but it was more like he drove out several days later (which was the story they usually went with anyways). Dan Suh was FOB’s tour manager who was with Pete when he met P!ATD for the first time, so I’ll be referencing a few of his livejournal posts just to show that everything was documented and definitely happened at this time. On November 30th (Wednesday) Dan said “there might be a field trip to vegas this weekend.”

MEETING PETE

Ryan posted a picture of P!ATD on his livejournal on Saturday 12/4 like Pete asked and then later updated it with their name & what each guy played. It wasn’t clear if that picture was taken before or after they met Pete, but this was the weekend when they met.

Pete drove from the LA area to Vegas. P!ATD’s Rolling Stone cover article claimed that Pete flew to Vegas right away to check out the band, but most other articles understood that he rented a car & drove. The Miami Herald also published this version of events: “Wentz heard the songs, flew to Las Vegas, and signed Panic! to his brand-new label, Decaydance. All this before Panic! had ever played a note to a live audience.” (Again, the phrasing is important: it’s technically true that the band by the name of P!ATD hadn’t played a single show before they met Pete).

The P!ATD guys had recorded their demos on garageband but didn’t know how to actually play them live as a band yet, so it sounded like there was some momentary panic there... they ended up playing them acoustically.

The band met Pete at a hotel (Brendon used to say it was the Palms but many years later he said the Aladdin so whatever idc). They took Pete to their practice space where he and the few people who were with him listened to Brendon & Ryan play acoustic versions of their demos. Someone who was in the practice space watching everything later told me that they only remembered hearing It’s Time To Dance... when Pete asked if the band had anything else, the guys said not really and so Pete just asked to hear that same song again & again (so that’s one person’s memory).

All four guys + Pete have given varying answers and contradicted themselves over the years about how many songs were played… it was somewhere between 1.5 to 3 songs but the answer was usually two. P!ATD had two demos online at that point (It’s Time to Dance + Nails for breakfast and tacks for snacks) but it sounded like they also had a third demo that wasn’t online and didn’t make it onto the album (I’m not talking about Relax, Relapse). So maybe that mystery demo factored into their memories of how many songs they had that season, idk.

Pete was really into the lyrics and later talked about how the fact that the acoustic version was still super compelling helped him see how good everything was.

update: Obviously Pete did not sign this band out of the goodness of his heart... he wasn’t there for a charity case. He was constantly hearing from bands who were desperate to be signed. Pete recognized the marketing potential in P!ATD and drove out to make sure that they had the right look & sound that could sell. This should be common sense. It was a business deal.

Pete said “I heard Panic! and my immediate reaction was jealousy. I was like these guys are writing songs I wish we had written. I think that it’s far more important as an A&R to chase songwriters not songs, because anyone can write a catchy song once. I want to find someone with a voice.”

He also told Alt Press in early 2006: “I think the thing that stood out immediately was that these songs maybe weren’t songs that could change the world, but these songwriters were capable of writing songs that could. A good A&R [person] chases songwriters, not songs. I remember listening to Time to Dance over and over again, wishing I had written it.”

I’m not going to list tons more quotes from Pete, I promise... but here’s one more.

Pete took them to Del Taco afterwards. The band’s early bio on several sites said “As they were driving back to Pete’s hotel, he expressed his interest in wanting to sign the band to his label.” (P!ATD was one of the first bands that Pete signed, but not the first like some magazines said. I’m pretty sure that was Gym Class Heroes).

In a few interviews the guys said they signed their contracts right away, so that sounded like December... but other interviews said 3/4 of the band were under 18 so they had to have their parents sign their contracts when they were sent around the new year. Either way, the contracts were signed around the end of 2004.

Pete later mentioned his first impression of Brendon.

On Monday 12/6 Dan Suh posted on livejournal: “this weekend was an impromptu road trip to vegas to check out a band…”

THE REST OF DECEMBER

The band got their myspace, and their AIM names were listed (Ryan = stitchesnwalkers, Brendon = aboynamedskip, Brent = screenametaken1, Spencer = twentyninepiecer). I’m mentioning that because in early April 2009 Spencer tweeted Brendon “have you seen this... My 29 piecer will be alive soon.” and it was fun to have that flashback to the early days.

12/15 on Ryan’s lj: “bombing finals. writing instead. this weekend.l.a. road trip.”

P!ATD went to visit FOB in L.A. and Brendon did some vocals for 7 Minutes In Heaven.

Pete told Billboard in 2008: “When I signed them, Brendon was 17 and he didn't have much life experience. He came to see me in California and stayed up all night because he was so excited about not having his parents tell him to go to bed.” (He easily could’ve been talking about when the guys visited him again in January 2005, though).

Pete posted on the FBR journal on 12/12: “urgent update: life aquatic is the best movie of the year. watch it. change the way you think.”

Sunday 12/19 on Dan’s lj: “panic at the disco are hilarious guys and a wonderful band to boot. listen closely to the next record for a guest appearance from their singer Brendan.”

Ryan’s comment on that post: “dan, this is ryan from panic at the disco, thank you for making it a good time last weekend. and keeping pete from thinking he's too cool.” Dan’s reply: “yoooooooo what's up duuuuuuuuude. cool of you guys to come hang out in LA. next time we'll all go to the hustler store. oh wait, you f—s aren't 18 yet. anyway, have a great christmas in the desert, hit me up if you need anything… word.” (btw: Ryan was definitely 18 & in college. The other 3 band members were 17 and in high school still).

12/20 on Ryan’s lj: “if i could bottle my hopes in a store bought scent they’d be nutmeg peach and they’d pay the rent. los angeles was good. life aquatic was good. mansoup was good. my updates suck because i have to keep my mouth shut. ‘i keep telling myself that i’m not the desperate type’”

Pete would quote vague things in 2007 & 2009 that would turn out to be new P!ATD lyrics, so I just love that Ryan got to do it to him in that last post.

here’s Brendon explaining the “man soup” part of Ryan’s lj post.

From a 2006 Nylon interview with Pete & Ryan:

Pete: “When we were recording we were living in Oakwood, which is corporate housing in L.A. It’s filled with young actors who just get wasted and hang out in the hot tub all night. We’d all hang out there, five or six dudes. It was so lame, so we called it man stew.” Ryan: “We had no bathing suits. We were all in our underwear.”

A COUPLE RANDOM QUOTES

Brendon in a Buzznet interview in late 2006:

“[Wentz is] the reason we were discovered. We were kind of reaching out to him. Just the fact that he took a chance on coming out and seeing a band who had never played a show is cool. He does a really good job. He’s put in a really good word for us during interviews. A lot of the hype we can owe to him.”

At the end of 2006 AbsolutePunk asked Spencer why they contacted Pete. Spencer’s answer:

“We were superfans. We had no idea how anything worked in the music business. We didn’t have any contacts whatsoever and only two songs. We liked their band and when you don’t think anything’s gonna come of it, it’s like ‘why not’?”

THE MAIN POST

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blazehedgehog · 4 years

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Sorry to ask this, but what are your thoughts on Dunky's "I'm Done Making Good Videos" with regards to content you aspire to author vs what the average joe actually searches for

I don’t know if I’m the best person to be asking this, really.

Let’s get fully inside baseball here. Let’s pull the curtain all the way back. Actually, let’s burn down the curtain. I’m going to overshare like hell right now. Get ready for the most stream-of-consciousness rambling ever, because a lot of this has been boiling in my head and dying to get out.

For the entirety of my Youtube channel, I’ve pretty much only ever done what I want to do. Very rarely do I chase trends, or do what’s hot, or even do what people want me to do. I do whatever I feel like doing.

I have paid the price for that. My Youtube channel is 15 years old as of this year, and only now am I slowly inching towards 25,000 subscribers. I am incredibly inconsistent. What’s my channel post? Well, a couple times a year, maybe I put together an edited essay/review for a game. But I also sometimes post random, unedited, uncommentated gameplay footage. Maybe it’s a fan game, maybe it’s a gameplay demo, maybe it’s Fortnite. Sometimes, I also post remastered video game music. Every Halloween, I dump a bunch of one-off horror Let’s Plays on to my channel. And then, there’s the podcast.

I know exactly what my problems are. I don’t specialize enough, and I don’t put content out fast enough. Because most Youtube channels are, like, “shows”, right. The Did You Know Gaming show. The Markiplier show. The Angry Video Game Nerd show. And you can point at those and say exactly what they are in two sentences or less.

Did You Know Gaming specializes in informative videos uncovering obscure facts you might not know about popular video games.

Markiplier is a Youtuber that does Let’s Play videos for video games, primarily horror games, but he also focuses on general comedy skits and things of that nature.

The Angry Video Game Nerd is about one guy’s over the top reactions to bad video games.

What does BlazeHedgehog do? Well, he does a lot of Sonic fan content, but sometimes he does horror let’s plays, and sometimes he does multiplayer compilation videos sort of like Criken, but he also does music, and sometimes he makes video games and puts out videos of that, and in general he’s really low energy and sometimes there will be three or four weeks between uploads. Also he sounds like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds Snot from Family Guy (apparently).

If you come to my channel for something specific, you have to put up with everything else I upload. I could start separate channels for that content, but the barrier to entry on Youtube is so massive now that I would effectively sending those channels to their death. Videos that get 200-500 views on my main channel would get 10 views or less if they were on their own self-contained alt-channel.

So I languish. I struggle. I suffer. Youtube shows me red down arrows to tell me just how much worse I’m doing now than my last flash-in-the-pan success.

I’ve tried to chase success. It just makes me sad. I have a sense of humor, but I don’t think I can make “funny videos” like some people can. My Sonic 06 glitch video did gangbusters ten years ago, but I don’t often like kicking games when they’re down. It was a struggle to make that Sonic Boom glitch montage and that’s the reason I never followed through with Part 2 like I said I would.

My only wish is that people appreciate honesty. My Youtube channel might be a scattered mess, but that’s who I am. And more than anything, I think that’s what Dunkey’s video was about. His whole joke was about switching from thoughtful or funny videos to becoming a content farm for whatever is currently popular.

I’ve brought it up a few times here and there over the last few months, but I’ve had several brushes with the Fortnite side of Youtube recently. And there are so many dudes over there who are what I would generously call “grifters.” I follow Hypex on Twitter and routinely check Firemonkey and ShiinaBR because they datamine future Fortnite updates and often have the scoop days, weeks or sometimes months in advance.

Near the end of season 3, all three of them mentioned they had datamined “the next season” but wouldn’t say what it was because they didn’t want to spoil what was coming (the marvel season). They mentioned there were “others out there” that were spoiling things, but wouldn’t say who. I wanted to spoil myself, so I turned to Youtube.

And Youtube was a nightmare. Over and over and over, I would encounter tons of people downright thriving on the same grift. It’s an open secret that Youtube prioritizes longer videos, so if your video is under ten minutes (or I think now 8 minutes), the algorithm isn’t going to be as nice to you and won’t promote your video as well, and you aren’t going to get as much advertising money because fewer people are going to sit through a video advertisement that’s a quarter of your video’s entire length. Longer videos are more profitable for Youtube, and by extension, for the user uploading them.

So it was video after video of these guys making big bold claims about how they had all the answers on what the next season of Fortnite was, and you’re thinking, “oh wow, it’s a 17 minute video, they’re going to spoil everything!”

You load the video up and it’s some guy in his streamer man cave, he’s got his webcam on, and he loads in to a match of Fortnite with his squad. Keep in mind, this video was pitched as a news report of sorts, a big spoiling of future content... and it’s just a guy playing Fortnite with a crew. In the few seconds between matches as he queues for the next one, he stops to deliver a single shred of information, most of which start with “Hypex said...”

The one thing you came to this video for and it’s scattered like breadcrumbs across a 17 minute video of a guy just playing normal matches Fortnite to fill time. It’s not information they acquired for themselves, they all just regurgitate what Hypex said, or what other channels reported Hypex saying. 17 minutes of padding for scraps of second-hand leaks. And I found dozens of these channels, all repeating the same format, all repeating the same specks of leaked information, and all of them had 150,000 to 200,000 views on each of their videos in less than 24 hours. That’s hundreds of dollars per video on a format to scam the system.

But that’s a content farm. Those dudes are vultures. I have a hard time believing their hearts are really in it. I know it’s not a term that’s really in vogue anymore, but I see that as “selling out.” They know what they are doing and it’s to make money, not to make a community better. I mean, one of those videos was a guy who was reading Marvel comic hero profiles off of Wikipedia because it sounded like he literally did not know who guys like Iron Man, Thor and Wolverine even were. How are you in touch enough with pop culture that you’re cranking out factory-fresh Fortnite content for Youtube but you don’t know who Thor is? Answer: because you don’t really care and you’re in it for the money. Gotta hit that 15 minute threshold and put in six mid-roll ad breaks.

I could be that guy. That’s kind of what I was hoping “This Kinda Sucks” would turn in to, which would be sort of a rant video series like The Jimquisition or something. But I did not have the interest or energy to keep that up. So you get a playlist with two videos on it.

I’m sure Dunkey was just funnin’ around. Dude has 6 million subscribers. But for me, like... what he said in the video is mostly true. Following your heart and making thoughtful content you are personally interested in won’t pay the bills. I mean, as I predicted, that Jurassic Park video launched to the sound of crickets chirping. My most hardcore fans and a few curious onlookers checked it out but that was it. I’ve been working on that video since August, and it’s something my viewer base did not care about. But I cared about it, and that’s important for the long-run, I think.

The other problem, sort of a disconnect, is that I’m lucky to be in the position I’m in. I think guys like Dunkey probably make all of their money from places like Youtube and Twitch and Patreon and that’s their career. That work pays all of their bills.

My work does not pay my bills. Or it does, but it’s not enough to pay all of my bills. I am lucky enough right now that I am in a living situation where I can make fractions of money in intermittent spurts. That won’t always be the case. But for now, I get to be honest, and I get to follow my heart in whatever random, chaotic direction it feels like going that particular day. Dunkey faces a different sort of pressure than I do.

All of this is to say I have no idea what I’m doing, I guess. I make the content I want to see.

That being said, I increasingly think about something I heard Woolie say early on when he went solo for his WoolieVS channel, and that was the idea of “One for you, one for me, one for us.”

Because I’ve had more than one friend burn out doing, like, Twitch streams and stuff. You hear about Youtubers who get sick of being shackled to new releases or whatever’s popular. At some point these people wake up and realize they’ve had this struggle, maybe made some money in the process, but they’re miserable because they don’t get to do what they want to do. They’re always being pushed forward by the fans that are behind them.

The “One for you, one for me, one for us” mantra does at least keep you a little more sane. Balance in all things, right? So that Jurassic Park video, it can flop. It’d be nice if it didn’t flop, given what time of the year it is, but it’s a video for me. I have other video ideas in the chamber that I know will be for my audience, or “for us.”

I just have to stay true to myself, and to my messy brain.

#questions #dunkey #youtube #inside baseball #behind the curtain #long posts #spilling my guts #Anonymous

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