#like even now a few months out i get genuinely nauseous when i buy something that isnt Absolutely essential.

[nomaishuttle]

its also like . ok sry im going on bc im tired and ive upset myself lol but its like. to have somebody who knows i grew up in poverty call me greedy and selfish bc he pressured me into moving up here when i didnt have the money so i Had to rely on him financially. and then i couldnt pay him back while i was literally unemployed. to have him call me greedy and selfish and entitled and lazy was. insanely upsetting

[bluejayblueskies]

10 for the hug prompts with JonMartin? 🥺

touches prompt list

10 - hiding their face in the other’s neck

a no-fears au where jon and martin are in an established relationship! cw for nausea and a brief mention of vomiting (doesn't actually occur)

.

Jon doesn’t do roller coasters.

It is not, despite what Tim says when he thinks Jon isn’t listening, because he’s a, quote, ‘old man at heart’ and doesn’t know how to have fun. In theory, Jon is actually rather fond of roller coasters. He’d watched a documentary once about the design of them, and it had been rather fascinating.

It’s not because Jon doesn’t like roller coasters. It’s…

Well. It’s probably more accurate to say that roller coasters don’t like him. Specifically, his sense of equilibrium and his digestive system. Pills help somewhat, if he remembers to take them, but the fact of the matter is that he’s much more likely to leave the ride with a feeling of intense nausea than of exhilaration. He just… gets motion sick. No way around it. He always sits in the front seat of cars, ensures that he’s in a forward-facing train seat at all times, rarely travels by boat, and… avoids roller coasters.

The fact that he is currently standing in the queue for a particularly large and particularly frightening-looking roller coaster is not, therefore, due to his overwhelming love for them. It is instead entirely due to his overwhelming love for the man standing next to him, eyes bright and excited as he explains the history of this particular roller coaster. His hand is warm and soft in Jon’s, and their clasped hands swing absently back and forth as they slowly inch forward in the queue. His curls are a shock of auburn against the sky, and when he laughs and squeezes Jon’s hand, Jon forgets his anxiety entirely for a moment, lost in a wave of affection and fondness.

“—and because it’s the twenty-fifth anniversary of the ride,” Martin says with a wide grin, “it’ll be running backward today! Well, all season, I- I suppose, but we’re here today, so…”

Jon has never been on a roller coaster that’s traveled backward. It does… not sound appealing.

“That’s… very exciting,” Jon says with a smile, trying to make the words sound as genuine as possible. Because he is a coward. Or, perhaps, just very in love. Maybe both.

It’s just… Martin had been so excited when he’d dropped the amusement park tickets in front of Jon a few weeks ago. And in the four months or so that they’ve been dating, Jon has found it increasingly hard to say things that will cause that wide, unabashed smile on Martin’s face to dim even in the slightest. So Jon had discretely taken several motion sickness pills before they’d left that morning and had told himself that there were plenty of other things to do at an amusement park besides roller coasters and spinning rides and other things that make it their personal mission to tie Jon’s stomach into knots.

And then Martin had spent the entire train ride rambling about the various roller coasters and how he’d always wanted to go to an amusement park but he’d never been able to find the time or the money before and how he’s never been on a roller coaster but they look so fun, and Jon just… hadn’t been able to tell him.

It’ll be fine, he tells himself as they finally reach the front of the queue, the brightly colored cars sitting empty in front of them. It’ll be… completely, totally fine. Nothing to worry about.

They sit a few rows from the front. The click of the restraints makes Jon’s stomach squeeze with nerves, and he swallows around the lump in his throat. He doesn’t realize that he’s gripping the bar in front of him with white knuckles until Martin says gently, “Hey. Is… everything okay?”

No, but it’s certainly too late to change my mind now, Jon does not say.

“Yes,” Jon says, loosening his grip with considerable effort. It’s fine. “Just… b-been a while since I was on one of these.”

Technically not a lie.

“Oh!” Martin gives him a soft smile that makes his heart stutter in his chest. “Well, it’ll be a… new experience for both of us then, I suppose.”

The car jerks into motion, and Jon’s hands tighten instinctively on the bar again. It’s a… disconcerting effect, to be moving backward rather than forward, and one that Jon is decidedly not fond of. They exit the staging area and begin to climb up the first of the many, many hills Jon had eyed warily from their place in the queue. Jon looks straight ahead and does not look down and tries to breathe through his nose.

A warm hand covers his, and Jon looks over to see Martin watching him, that same soft smile on his lips. Martin squeezes gently, and Jon relaxes, just a fraction.

Then, the car tips over the peak of the hill and begins to accelerate, and Jon’s world blurs into a mess of colors and sensations.

The only part of the ride that Jon enjoys is the fact that it’s over quickly. By the time the car rolls to a halt—after a terrifying sequence of loops and drops and harsh curves and tight spirals—Jon feels as if his insides have been scooped out, stuffed in a washing machine, tumble dried, and then pushed back into him at all the wrong angles. Martin’s hand is still gripping his, somehow, and it remains there as they exit the car and make their way down the ramp and into the main thoroughfare. Jon’s legs feel boneless, like they’re made of jelly, and he is deeply afraid that if he opens his mouth, he is going to empty the contents of his stomach onto the pavement below.

Gentle hands are on Jon’s shoulders then, and Jon finds himself guided onto a metal bench just a few meters away from the exit ramp. Jon tries to protest that he’s fine—they have limited time here and he doesn’t need to take a break—but his stomach rolls and he pinches his lips shut before he manages to form a single word. When a hand settles on his upper back and presses down gently, he finally gives in to the urge to bend over and tuck his head between his knees in an effort to alleviate some of the lingering vertigo.

“Breathe, Jon,” Martin says, and Jon does. He takes a few deep breaths, and when a particularly powerful wave of nausea overtakes him, he can’t help the groan that escapes him. “I know,” Martin says softly, moving his hand in soothing circles on Jon’s back. “Just keep breathing, Jon. We can get some water in a bit, just… for now, let’s sit.”

Jon is too nauseous to be properly embarrassed by the coddling. That situation changes quickly as the minutes pass and Jon’s stomach begins to settle. After what must be nearly ten minutes, the nausea has faded entirely, but Jon keeps his head between his knees so he doesn’t have to look at Martin’s face.

“Feeling any better?” Martin prompts, and Jon lets out a slow breath. He nods once, and—with the help of Martin’s hand on his arm—straightens slowly, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the ground as he does so.

“Sorry,” he says, so quietly he isn’t sure Martin can hear him over the din of the crowd.

“You don’t have to apologize for- for feeling sick,” Martin says. He rubs a thumb against Jon’s arm and says, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I- I didn’t think… it would be this bad?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Jon sees Martin give him a look that very clearly expresses his skepticism.

Jon sighs and puts his head in his hands again. “I just… didn’t want to disappoint you, I suppose.”

Martin is, of course, sharper than Jon gives him credit for sometimes. “Because I said I’d never had the chance to go on a roller coaster before?”

Jon nods miserably. “I-in my defense, I thought you would start with something significantly less… gravity-defying.”

“Jon,” Martin says, kindly and patiently yet with a chastising edge to it. “You could have waited by the exit.”

“I—I didn’t…” Jon feels the tips of his ears grow warm. “I didn’t want to leave you.”

“Oh,” Martin says, his voice pitched a touch higher than normal. “That’s… um, r-really sweet, actually.”

Jon is glad that Martin can’t see his face because he’s sure whatever expression would have crossed it just then would have been utterly sappy and mortifying.

“B-but I—I don’t want you to make yourself sick on my account,” Martin hastens to say. “There are loads of other things to do here. W-we don’t have to ride the roller coasters.”

Jon uncovers his face and looks at Martin. “But you want to ride the roller coasters.”

Martin worries his bottom lip between his teeth. He doesn’t deny it. Instead, he says, “I… also want to spend time with you, Jon. D-doing things we both want to do, not… not just me.”

Jon stares at Martin and thinks, not for the first time, that he loves him. But it’s still too early to say it, probably, and he’s certainly not going to do so sitting on a sticky metal bench surrounded by children and tired-eyed parents. So all he says, in the end, is, “If… if you’re sure.”

Martin takes Jon’s hand in his and squeezes gently. “I am.” Then, he gives Jon a wide, soft smile that has Jon’s stomach twisting all over again. “So. What do you do at amusement parks, then?”

Jon flushes. But Martin doesn’t laugh at him when he mumbles that he’s actually quite fond of carousels. Instead, he takes Jon’s hand and walks with him across the park—staying away from the more crowded sections, stopping to buy some horrendously overpriced bottles of water on their way—until they’re standing in front of the carousel, painted in lovely pastel blues and yellows.

Jon, for a moment, feels self-conscious and more than a bit childish. But then Martin squeezes his hand and says, without a hint of teasing, “So, what animal do you prefer?” and the tension in Jon’s shoulders melts away in an instant.

Jon learns that Martin likes the classic horses, manes painted gold and plastic saddles a bright cherry red. (And Martin is entirely unsurprised to find that Jon chooses the cat, every time.) He learns, as they continue to explore the amusement park, that Martin likes caramel apples but hates how they get stuck in his teeth. (He purchases one anyway, rolled in peanuts and little rainbow sprinkles, that gives Jon a toothache just looking at it.) He learns that Martin does not appreciate his explanation that the monsters on the haunted house ride are ‘just dummies’ and ‘obviously fake’ and ‘really, Martin, that’s not even the correct number of bones in a human skeleton.’ (Though he secretly treasures the way that Martin clings to his side in the car and hides his face in Jon’s neck, his curls tickling the sensitive skin just underneath Jon’s chin.)

And Martin, apparently, learns that Jon is strangely good at midway games.

“You know those things are totally rigged, right?” Martin says, staring at Jon in disbelief as he tries and fails to adjust his grip on the frankly enormous plush teddy bear the midway worker had begrudgingly surrendered to him. And the medium-sized plush cat he’d won earlier. And the dozen or so little plushies and trinkets and accessories he’d acquired along the way. “You’re not supposed to be able to win.”

“Yes, well.” Jon gives up on trying to find a comfortable way to carry his prizes and extends the massive teddy toward Martin. “I suppose I’m just… lucky.”

He is certainly not going to admit that he spent a good three days researching what to do on a carnival date, came to the conclusion that it would be romantic to win an enormous stuffed animal for Martin, and committed himself to memorizing which games were easiest to win and what strategies he should employ in order to have the best chance at success. That would be… well. A bit much, he thinks. Best to just… not mention it.

Martin carries the teddy all the way back to his flat, his cheeks flushing a lovely pink whenever an occasional curious glance is thrown in their direction. It’s only once they get there and Martin tries to pass the plushie back to Jon with a sheepish, “Suppose I better give this back now,” that Jon realizes he had… indeed not been very clear about his intentions.

“It’s… for you, actually,” Jon says, ignoring the way his cheeks are growing steadily warmer. Then, Jon takes a breath and pushes the rest of the plushies rather unceremoniously into Martin’s arms, save for the cat which he’s… grown rather attached to in their short acquaintanceship. “Th-they all are. Er. F-for you.”

“O-oh.” Martin looks down at the collection of brightly colored things in his arms, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. “I—I… really?”

Jon hugs the cat tightly to his chest, feeling something like embarrassment curl in his stomach. “I-if you don’t want them, I—I can—”

“No!” Martin says quickly, curling his arms protectively around the plushies. “I—I do. W-want them.” He looks down at the teddy sitting by his feet, then up at Jon with a warm, shy smile on his face. “Th-thanks, Jon.”

I love him, I love him, I love him.

Jon nods, pinches his lips together, and tries to keep his affection contained. He doesn’t want to come on too strong, after all. That’s… something he’s not meant to do, he thinks.

Then, when they’re both lying in bed and Martin’s chest is pressed against Jon’s back, his arm curled around Jon’s middle and his nose buried in Jon’s hair, Martin murmurs, “I love you,” and Jon’s breath catches in his throat.

“I… I love you too,” he whispers. And it’s such an easy thing to say that Jon wonders why he’d ever worried at all.

Martin makes a sleepy, contented noise, burrowing closer and wrapping Jon more tightly in his arms. And because he can—he can, he can, Martin said it first, so he can—Jon says again, so quietly he isn’t sure Martin can hear it: “I love you.”

The words are sweet on his tongue, like candy floss and funnel cakes and caramel apples.

[reidgraygubler]

ethan(spencer reid/fem!reader)

*{ gif belongs to @toyboxboy​  }*

Title: ethan Request: no Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader Category: angst, fluff Content Warning: pregnancy, mentions of someone being shot, mentions of gun use, talks about almost dying, swears (if any), vomiting, casework, allusions of ex Word Count: 5,500 Summary: reader has some really important news to share with spencer, but he’s away on a case. that is until really important news is shared with her. A/N:  based on the season 9 finale episodes Angels and Demons. I genuinely loved Alex and was lowkey sad when she left. The end of this one shot talks a lot about her and the end of Demons. anyways, enjoy and thanks for the love! Check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

Spencer held me close to his body, pressing his lips to my neck and breathing deeply. I shifted a bit before rolling to face him. He looked down at me with a lazy and tired smile. 

“Why are you awake,” I mumbled as I pressed my hand to his bare chest. He hummed and looked at the watch on his wrist.

“Got a case, Texas,” he whispered as he looked back down at me. I pouted and shook my head.

“No,” I whined and shook my head. Spencer looked down at me as he sat up in bed. “You’re gonna be gone forever, Spencer.” I copied his action and sat up beside him. He grasped my hand as he looked at me.

“I’ll be home before you know it. You know I’m always a phone call away,” he leaned over before kissing my lips. I pouted as I watched him slip out of the bed. “I’ll be safe,” he spoke as he pulled clothes out of his dresser.

“You better be safe, Spencer, I don’t want to get that phone call,” I scolded as I pulled the blanket around my body and got out of bed. I walked over and stood beside him. I placed my head on his shoulder, not letting him move. I looked at the few photos he had on top of his dresser. One was of him and his mother a few Christmases ago; it was nice going out to Vegas to visit Diana that year. Another photo was Spencer and me on our wedding day, 3 years ago now. That was the happiest day of my life, and I’m sure of Spencer’s life, too. And the final photo was the two of us with his work family (who’s more real family than anything else).

“You’re not going to get that phone call,” he said as he looked down at me and smiled, “I’ll call you every night at 9 pm Eastern Standard, okay?” 

“Okay, and if I don’t get a phone call from you, I’m buying the first ticket to Texas and finding you.” I lifted my head off him and walked back to the bed. 

“I look forward to that.” Spencer smiled before walking back to my side of the bed, “I love you,” he whispered as he looked down at me. I looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do. Hurry back soon.” I pouted. He chuckled before kissing me one last time. “I love you too!” I shouted as he left the room. The light laughter that came from him made me feel happy as I drifted back to sleep.

{***}{***}{***}

A week, 7 days, 186 hours, 10,080 minutes, 604,800 seconds. That’s how long Spencer (and the rest of the BAU family) was gone for. And I was at home, sitting on the bathroom floor with three pregnancy tests lined up in front of me. I only had a few symptoms, but they were enough to get me curious. I’m sure if Spencer were here he’d prove to me that I was pregnant and then get me to take a test anyway.

“C’mon, let’s get a nice welcome home present for Spencer,” I whispered, staring anxiously at the tests. Like that’ll make the tests be positive and make me pregnant. 

The timer on my alarm binged, causing me to grab it and silence it. I took a deep breath and said a prayer to whatever God would listen to me before I blindly flipped each test over. I looked down at them and saw two pink lines in the little window. I stared at them, in shock and in awe. My mouth fell open as I stared at them. My heart rate picked up and a smile grew on my lips. 

“Pregnant,” I whispered, looking at them. I collected the three sticks in one hand and my phone in the other before standing up. 

Spencer should be home soon. He said a week. And that’s exactly how long he’s been gone. I just hope this case doesn’t make him stay away longer. I want to tell him right away. This is something he needs to know as soon as possible. 

I looked down at my phone and noticed the time, 9:15 pm. He’s late. He’s probably just busy. Although, that hasn’t stopped him before. It was always 9 pm, whether he was busy or not. But now? He’s 15 minutes late. Does that mean I call? I’ll give it a little bit. I won’t call right now. Maybe they made an incredibly important break in the case and the unsub! I won’t overly worry… yet.

I sat down on the couch and looked at the objects in hand. My excitement was through the roof and I couldn’t wait to tell the others about my secret. We’ve wanted kids since before we got married, and here we are. I don’t think this excitement will ever go away.

Aaron Hotchner calling...

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at the contact to make sure it was Aaron. “Aaron?” I pressed my phone to my ear. I placed the tests in a line on the coffee table.

“There’s been an accident with Spencer.” his tone was low and stern as he spoke. I dropped my shoulders and felt my heart sink to my stomach. “We need you here now. Section Chief Cruz and Garcia are on their way to your apartment,” he continued. Okay, wait, hold on. 

“Spencer… He was… Is he…” I could feel my hands begin to shake as I brought myself to my feet. I should have just stayed sitting. 

“He was shot in the neck. He’s in surgery now. But we need you to come out here as soon as possible,” he explained. I fell to my knees and brought a hand to my mouth.

Maybe that excited feeling could go away. Because it just did. Two extremes hitting me in a very short amount of time. My anxieties are already through the roof. 

“Is he going to be okay?” I asked, my tone so soft I was worried Aaron didn’t hear me.

“He’ll be fine,” he spoke softly. I swallowed roughly and nodded, “Call me when you get here,” he stated before hanging up. I dropped my phone from my ear and looked at the black screen.

I quickly scrambled to my feet and nearly tripped into the bedroom, catching myself on the dresser. I grabbed whatever I needed and tossed it all into a backpack before running downstairs where Penelope and Cruz would be.

Okay, no, yeah… Maybe now I worry...

{***}{***}{***}

I swallowed roughly as I followed behind Penelope into the waiting room. JJ and Alex were sitting together, waiting for a doctor or nurse or someone to tell them how Spencer is doing.

“Hey, looks like you guys made it.” JJ looked over at Penelope, Cruz, and I. I pulled my sweater tighter around my body as I stood beside Penelope. JJ looked over at me before standing up. 

“It’s nice knowing multiple people who own jets,” Penelope spoke as she gestured towards Cruz. I bit my lips together and looked around the waiting room. I felt nauseous being here. The scent of it made my stomach churn.

“Yeah, called in for a few favors,” Cruz spoke as he looked back at JJ. I rolled my shoulders and finally looked back at my friends. JJ was still looking at me, waiting for me to say something. 

“How is he,” I whispered, hugging my arms around my body. 

“He’s still in surgery. We’re waiting to hear how he is,” JJ whispered as she held out her hands for me to take. I stared at it for a moment before grabbing it. “He’ll be okay,” she reassured. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“You all can see Agent Morgan now.” A doctor came up beside us and looked at everyone. Penelope looked at us before peeling away with Cruz. I looked back at JJ and bit my lips together as tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. 

“C’ mere,” she whispered before pulling me closer to her and enveloping me in her arms. I pressed my face into the crook of her neck and let out a small sob. JJ only hugged me tighter before stepping back. “Let’s go sit.” She pulled me in the direction where Alex was sitting. I swallowed roughly and followed behind her. 

“Hey there.” Alex looked up at me and smiled softly. She had a mildly guilty expression on her face as she looked at me. I don’t know why she would be guilty of what happened. Unless she was the one who shot him. And, honestly, from what Penelope half told me, and Cruz fully telling me, what happened… It honestly wasn’t her fault at all. He would have taken a bullet for anyone and everyone. 

I waved lightly at her before sitting across from her. JJ sat beside me. I looked around the room and noted we were the only ones here. 

“Do you want anything?” Alex asked in a whisper. I looked at her and shook my head. 

“I’m actually going… I’m gonna get hot chocolate. You said he’s still in surgery?” I glanced at JJ. She looked back at me and nodded.

“Do you want me to go with you?” JJ offered, watching as I stood up. I shook my head and pushed my hands into my pockets.

“No, no, I’ll be fine,” I spoke, but my voice was shaky and quiet. JJ nodded before allowing me to leave. 

I tried being quick as I got my drink. Mostly because I knew that the chances of something happening while I was gone were pretty high. That always happens though… Something always happens when you’re gone. I don’t even know why I left to get a drink. I should have just stayed. 

I kept my head low, my eyes on the steam rolling off my hot chocolate, as I re-entered the room. Something to keep me distracted and busy while I walked back towards Alex and JJ. I quietly sat beside JJ and stayed silent.

“He’ll be fine. He’s still a kid,” Alex’s voice caused me to look up at her. What conversation did I just join in on?

I swallowed roughly and nodded, agreeing that Spencer Reid, the man I married, is still a kid himself. Although he’s going to be a dad in 9 months. “There’s still things for him to do,” she added in a whisper. I sighed deeply and looked down at my hot chocolate.

“He wants kids you know,” JJ whispered as she looked at Alex. I snapped my head up from my hot chocolate, again, and looked at her. “He’d be the best dad,” she laughed as she looked at Alex. I took a shaky breath and pretended to be fine with the conversation. I was honestly anything but fine with this conversation. 

“That’d be the luckiest kid in the world,” Alex laughed as she looked between JJ and I. I rubbed the underside of my nose before wiping my eyes with the tips of my fingers. “He’s gonna be fine,” she whispered, mostly to herself. I looked at her and exhaled deeply.

Yeah, I know he wants kids. Everyone knows Spencer wants kids. No one knows better than me, considering I’m pregnant with his baby. But no one knows that except for me. I didn’t get the chance to tell him before he left for this case. Considering, I’d only just found just a few hours ago, I was beyond ecstatic. But who knows if I’ll get the chance to tell him now. Because I’m currently sitting in a hospital waiting room because he got shot. 

I let out a deep and shaky breath of air and shook my head. JJ looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. “Other than the obvious, are you okay? Can I get you anything?” JJ asked, causing Alex to look at me. I didn’t exactly like the feeling of their eyes on me 

Before I got the chance to speak, my stomach gurgled a bit, forcing me to throw a hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom. I almost didn’t make it before I emptied my stomach contents into the toilet. Why, oh, why? This isn’t fair…

I splashed water on my face, forcing myself to calm down as I stared at my reflection. The door swung open behind me and JJ stepped in. She was looking at me with concern on her face. 

“What’s wrong? What happened?” she asked as she came over to me. She pulled a fistful of paper towels from the dispenser and handed them over to me. I stared at her as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. “He’s going to be okay. Spencer will always be okay.”

“No, I know. I know he’ll be okay.” I wiped my eyes with the paper towels as I looked at her, “Spencer’s gonna be a great dad,” I whispered as I dropped my gaze to the ground. “He’s gonna be an amazing dad,” I repeated as I glanced at her, hoping she got the hint. 

“Are you...?” JJ asked as she placed her hands on my shoulders. I bit my lips together before nodding lightly.

"I found out a few hours ago," I forced a smile on my lips as I looked at her. I was happy that I was telling my friend about my exciting news. But part of me had several worries, again one of them being Spencer in the hospital.

JJ smiled at me before pulling me into a tight hug. I pressed my face into the nape of her neck. Part of me wanted to break down in her embrace. But, something felt off. It would be validated though if I did break down. Considering everything that is happening at the moment.

"I didn't even know you guys were trying. That's… this is so exciting," she half-whispered, half exclaimed. I smiled and shrugged as I stepped back away from her. She smiled as she grasped my hands. 

"Well, we weren’t exactly trying. We were kinda just letting it happen. And, if it happened, it happened,” I laughed lightly and shrugged, “And, I guess it happened," I blinked as tears raced down my cheeks. JJ smiled as she wiped the tears off my cheeks before hugging me again.

“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered before grasping my hands, “You’ll be able to tell him. He’ll be fine.” She squeezed both my hands and nodded.  

“I know, I know… You said it yourself, JJ… Spencer will always be fine,” I tried to reassure myself. He will be fine. 

“I have to go. Derek and I are going back to the station. Alex and Penelope are staying here, with you and Spencer. Call me if anything happens.” JJ looked at me as she guided me back out of the bathroom and towards where we were sitting. 

“Of course. You still have a job to do. Be safe,” I flashed her a sad smile as she collected her things. 

“See you guys later,” JJ looked between Alex and I before leaving the two of us alone. I sat silently, my head low, while Alex sat across from me. She was bouncing her knees anxiously while waiting. In the two years she’s been here, I never really had a good friendship with her. It’s not that I didn’t like her… we just disagreed on somethings and our personalities never meshed together. I love her, don’t get me wrong. 

“Do you want kids?” Alex asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. Do I want kids? 

“Yeah, kids… They’re great,” I exhaled deeply and nodded. I looked up at her and furrowed my eyebrows. I’m not so sure I want everyone to know my news just yet. It’s still too early. “I’ve wanted kids since the day I met Spencer. I knew I wanted to have kids with him,” I laughed lightly and nodded. And that wasn’t an exaggeration or anything. I knew the day I met him that kids would be in our lives.

“You guys would be fantastic parents.” Alex smiled at me as she reached out to place a hand on my knee. I smiled back at her and nodded. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell her just yet that I was pregnant. I think JJ was enough people right now.

“Thanks, Alex,” I whispered as I kept my eyes on her. We stayed sitting in a tense silence. It felt as if time was moving slowly, almost like someone changed the speed to 0.5 speed. I honestly hated how long we waited for someone to tell us what was going on.

“Spencer is ready for you guys,” a doctor came over to us and spoke before Alex got to say anything. I looked at him and smiled before standing back up. He led the two of us to the room Spencer was. Penelope was already in his room, putting various ‘Doctor Who’ action figures on the little roller table in front of him. 

Spencer was still asleep from his surgery. A white bandage and gauze pad was pressed and wrapped around his neck. He looked so peaceful as he slept. But he always looked peaceful like this. Although, I didn’t like that he was knocked out because of anesthesia because he was shot in the neck.

“Oh good! You’re still here.” Penelope looked up at me with a sad smile. I returned the sad smile before sitting in one of the chairs beside the bed. Alex sat on the other side while Penelope continued setting up the action figures. “This’ll be nice… When he wakes up they’ll all be looking at him… And it’ll be the first thing he sees.” Penelope stepped back and looked at the action figures before looking at me and then Alex. 

“That will be nice.” Alex smiled at Penelope. I looked back at Spencer and sighed deeply. There was a moment of silence as we all stared at the sleeping Spencer. 

“Alright, this’ll be weird… We’re all just staring at him when he wakes up.” Penelope clapped her hands together as she looked up at me. I looked away from Spencer for a moment to look at my friend. “I’m gonna stand over here,” she whispered before stepping to stand by the window behind me. Surely it wouldn’t be too weird if I watched him while he was out. I mean, I’ve watched him sleep before, and that wasn’t too weird. 

After a little bit, I moved so I was kneeling on the ground beside the bed with Spencer’s hand in mine. Penelope was sitting where I once was sitting, her laptop on her lap as she was working on researching something for the team. Alex was sitting, half asleep in the chair by the doorway.

“Do you need anything?” Penelope asked me, resting her hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and looked over at her, feeling slight exhaustion in my eyes. I shook my head and watched her stand.

“Actually, can you get me hot chocolate,” I stopped her once she made it to the door. She turned and looked at me, nodding lightly. 

“I’ll go with.” Alex spoke up as she stood to her feet.

“We can get him food for when he wakes up. He’s going to need the carbs and calories,” Penelope  I swallowed roughly and watched the two ladies leave. I looked back at Spencer and cocked my head to rest on the bed.  

Spencer’s nose twitched slightly before his eyes slowly opened. I lifted my head before moving to sit on the bed beside him. He gently squeezed my hand as he looked at me.

“Hey,” his voice was low and mildly raspy as he spoke.

“I don’t think you understand how happy I am to see you awake, Spence,” I whispered as I grasped his hand. He tiredly smiled at me and blinked. “Penelope went to get ice chips and food for you,” I smiled at him before exhaling, “Alex… Alex went with,” I gestured towards the doorway.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered before squeezing my hand lightly. It wasn’t very hard, but it was just enough for me to notice the action. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Don’t be sorry,” I shook my head as I rested my lips on the back of his hand. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t as safe as I should have been… And that I made you get that phone call.” He wrinkled his nose as he closed his eyes. I wiped my own eyes and shook my head.

“It wasn’t your fault or Alex’s fault… It’s no one but the guy who shot you… Please don’t blame yourself,” I whispered as I grasped his hand in mine. “I’m just happy you’re okay.” I looked up at him as tears rolled down my cheeks. Spencer tiredly smiled back at me. 

Although I was angry that he was currently in the hospital, in Texas, I was okay that he was finally awake and safe. I feel like there was no one to actually blame for this though. I mean, sure there was the bad guy. But, Spencer was just trying to protect Alex. 

“What’s wrong,” his voice shook me from my thoughts and brought me to look at him. I wiped my eyes and put a small smile on my lips.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered as I looked at him. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at me. He wanted to readjust in his spot, but I stopped him from moving. “Don’t hurt yourself, Spence.” I rested a hand on his shoulder. He looked at me with a fresh and certain dampness in his eyes.

“When… When did you find out?” he asked as he lifted his to hold mine. I smiled and let him hold it. 

“Just -Earlier tonight… Before I came here. I wanted to tell you when you got home. But then I got a phone call from Aaron about… Well-” I looked around the hospital room before looking back at Spencer.

“You’re not jus-”

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Look who’s awake!” Penelope exclaimed as she stepped into the room. I looked over my shoulder at her with a forced smile. Her phone was pressed between her shoulder and ear, and a tray with food in her hands. 

Spencer looked at me, his lips still parted, and tears fresh in his eyes. Obviously, he wanted more information about my sudden news to him, but he didn’t want to talk about it in front of Penelope and Alex. 

“Just woke up.” I squeezed Spencer’s hand lightly. Alex looked over at me before handing me a paper cup with hot chocolate. I nodded and silently thanked her. 

“Tell her she can go now, please.” Penelope looked between Spencer and I as she nodded towards Alex. I laughed as I looked at her. 

“I’m okay, Alex. I’m sure the team needs you more than I need you.” Spencer lifted up his other hand and waved her away. It was Alex’s turn to laugh.

“Okay, okay. I’m outta here.” She looked at the three of us with a relieved smile. “I’m happy you’re awake,” she squeezed Spencer’s hand before leaving.

“I got juice, broth, and Jell-o!” Penelope exclaimed as she placed the three items on the table. 

“Oh boy, jello! My… My favorite.” He peeled his eyes off me and looked over at Penelope. I kept my eyes on him for a moment longer before looking over at Penelope.

Spencer lifted his hands to pick up the spoon on the table. I smiled as I watched him poke at the food in front of him.

{***}{***}{***}

I looked down at Spencer, who was fast asleep with his head in my lap. I smiled softly as I ran my fingers through his hair. He looked so peaceful as he slept. It was a good thing too. He hardly got any rest in the hospital… Especially after everything that happened. I don’t blame him though.

“When did you find out?” Aaron looked at me with a small smile on his lips. I looked up from Spencer’s face and at Aaron. I noticed everyone was looking upon Spencer and I with joy and excitement on their faces. Do they seriously know? Did they really profile me and my pregnancy? I know JJ wouldn’t tell anyone. 

“What… What’re you talking about?” I raised an eyebrow. I continued running my fingers through his hair. I looked down at Spencer when he adjusted in his spot. A small smile tugged onto the corner of my lips as I watched him.

“You have that new mother glow,” David spoke with a smile as he swirled his whiskey. I bit my lips together to hold back the smile I didn’t want to share. 

“And, I think you’ve thrown up a dozen and a half times since you came here,” Derek pointed out. I looked over at him, my lips half parted as I prepared to argue back. 

“I found out 3 days ago, okay. A few hours before Aaron called me about,” I pointed towards Spencer’s neck. “It’s still new to me… And Spencer,” I whispered as I looked back down at Spencer. I smiled and dropped my shoulders. “I’m just happy he’s okay,” I wrinkled my nose as I lifted my free hand to wipe my eyes. 

“Wait, you’re pregnant?” Penelope looked down at me as she stood at the small corridor that held the cockpit and bathroom. I looked up at her and smiled. “How come you didn’t tell me? You were literally in the room when I shot a gun?! Poor baby,” she cringed as she held a hand out towards my belly. I laughed lightly and shrugged.

“I just found out, Penelope. You didn’t scare the bean.” I smiled as I watched her walk towards the back of the plane. The jet was filled, hardly any seats open. “I think you scared me more than anyone else. And that includes Spencer,” I laughed lightly. 

“He was about to hurt Spencer! I couldn’t allow that!” she exclaimed as she finally sat down by Cruz. I smiled and looked back down at Spencer. 

“And, I appreciate that.” I looked back down at her. It looked like she wanted to continue on about my sudden announcement of my pregnancy, but it seemed like JJ got her to be quiet. I looked back at JJ and mouthed a quick ‘Thank you,’ before looking back down at the still sleeping Spencer. 

He wrinkled his nose before shifting so he was facing me. I looked up and over at Alex, who was staring at the table in front of her. Her expression was emotionless and the way she remained silent and away from our minor celebrations worried me.

Aaron’s phone chimed, causing everyone (Spencer excluded) to look his way with fear on their faces. I could feel my heart rate pick up, fearing for everyone around that they’d have to go back.

“Please tell me we don’t have another case, Hotch,” Derek asked, looking at Aaron. I looked between the two before dropping my stare back to Spencer.

“No, we’re going home. We’re getting a break,” Aaron said as he placed his phone back on the table top. I let out a sigh of relief as I pressed my head to the wall behind me. And suddenly I could feel the exhaustion hit me for the first time in 3 days. 

{***}{***}{***}

“How are you feeling?” Alex asked Spencer as we went up the stairs to our apartment. I fumbled for our apartment key as we stepped onto the landing.

“I feel great!” Spencer’s tone was sarcastic as he led us to our home. “Eh, that’s overselling it… I feel great considering I just got shot in the neck.” He placed his hand on his shoulder, near where he was shot. 

“Is it the whole being a dad thing that’s making you feel great?” Alex asked, looking between Spencer and I.

“That’s what I was thinking,” I smiled back as I looked at Alex. She smiled at me as I stood in front of the door to unlock it.

“I guess you could say that.” Spencer entered the room once the door was unlocked. I allowed Alex in before I stepped in and locked the door. “Having a baby definitely adds to the feeling great feeling.” He smiled at me. I returned the smile and stepped up to him. He looked down at me before kissing me.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Alex, if you’re not here when I get out, it was nice seeing you again… And I hope you have a good rest of the night.” I smiled at her. 

“It was nice seeing you again… Wish they were different circumstances,” she dryly laughed as I walked over to her. I wrapped my arms around her body and embraced her in a tight hug. She let out a deep sigh and pressed her face into my shoulder. I bit my lips together and felt tears form in my eyes before stepping away from her. 

“Have a nice night,” I whispered before leaving the room. I glanced at Spencer and smiled. He returned the smile with a shy one and waved as I went into our room, and then the bathroom.

I made sure to be quick. I knew Alex would be going home any minute and I didn’t want to leave Spencer alone. He’s been through too much already… He shouldn’t be alone right now.

When I stepped out of our bedroom, Spencer was standing by the window, looking out at the street. Something on my face made me not feel good.

“Where’d Alex go?” I asked as I stepped over to be beside Spencer. I wrapped both my arms around his middle and rested my head on his chest.

“Went home,” his voice was a low whisper. I pouted as I looked out the window to see Alex getting in a taxi cab. Spencer wrapped an arm around me and hugged me tightly.

“Lets go lie down. It’s probably best you get some rest. Maybe the both of us.” I looked up at him. His eyes were wide with a familiar wetness in them. He blinked and looked down at me. “We can talk baby… Something happy,” I smiled at him. Spencer forced a smile onto his lips and nodded.

“Let’s go lie down.” He nodded towards the bedroom. I grasped his hand and pulled him back to the room.

“How long ago did you find out,” Spencer asked, resting his head on my shoulder. I pulled the blanket over our bodies before resting my head on top of his. 

“Few days ago… Before Aaron called about…” I shrugged when I didn’t continue my statement. Spencer nodded when he gathered the rest of my thoughts. “But it’s true… I took 3 tests…” I chuckled lightly. Spencer let out a small sigh and nodded.

“Ethan’s a great name… If we have a boy,” Spencer whispered to me as I sat beside him on the bed. I looked over at him and took note of the badge he was holding on to. I dropped my shoulders when I saw Alex’s photo.

 “She left, she quit,” he said so softly to try to keep his voice from breaking. I reached over and grasped his hands and rested my head on his shoulder, “Why does everyone leave?” he sighed deeply as he rested his head on top of mine. I glanced up at his face and saw tears were rolling slowly down his cheeks. He was quick, though, to wipe them away. I’m sure he was hoping I didn’t notice. But I did.

“Sometimes people just need to move on. And, I guess it was just Alex’s time to move on,” I replied in a whisper. I lifted my hand and reached for the other side of her badge. “I know her husband wanted her to move to Boston with him,” I added. Spencer flipped the badge closed and dropped it to the comforter.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Spencer whispered as he grasped my hand. “She called me Ethan, at the scene where I was… I asked her who Ethan was, while you were in the bathroom. And, she had a son. No one knew that. He died when he was 9…” his voice broke again and suddenly I was crying. 

“Ethan’s a great name.” I wrinkled my nose as I rubbed my other hand over my incredibly flat tummy. “Perfect name,” I nodded. We sat in a comfortable silence, a silence that was more than welcomed. "Isn't Ethan the name of your college best friend and roommate?" I asked, raising an eyebrow slightly. Spencer’s breathing stilled for a moment before he answered.

"Possibly." 

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here ​

[chloelucia13]

Chapter 5: Downpour

Pairing: Spencer Reid x reader

Prompt: After a year free of Spencer Reid, you had finally began to think that you had moved on. A simple (not-so-simple) knock at the door immediately changes that thought, though.

Warnings: Angst, some fluff, lead-up to smut, language, descriptions of violence and gore, mentions of death, pretty routine though

Word Count: 3006

A/N: And we’re on to chapter 5! I hope you all aren’t too upset about the big time jump. Anyways, enjoy, and as always, my tag lists and asks are open!

Tags: @tclaerh​, @jemimah-b99​, @x2moonlight2x-blog​

***

You hate Valentine’s Day.

You couldn’t remember a time in your life when you had someone to spend Valentine’s Day with. Most of your life you had spent working hard to get good grades, succeed in college, and get your doctorate. 

Then Spencer came along. The two of you had been dating for only a few months when Valentine’s had come around, and for once, you understood the charm of the holiday. You both had dressed up for a nice dinner at home, sharing a bottle of wine and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. The night ended with your nice clothes on the bedroom floor and blooming hickeys glowing under the bright sunshine the next morning. 

But now you were alone, and that familiar feeling of dread lingered in the pit of your stomach throughout the whole holiday.

With your knees tucked under your chin and your hands holding a blanket against your body, you sat on your couch watching Golden Girls re-runs. You had a bowl of popcorn you made about an hour ago on the coffee table, but it was abandoned after a few bites. That pit in your stomach made you feel nauseous, too nauseous to eat.

You didn’t know what time it was exactly, but you knew it was late from the absence of light in your apartment, excluding the small glimmer of moonlight shining in through your window and the show flickering on your TV. 

You really couldn’t place why you were so devastated that day. Of course, you knew you felt alone and you were dwelling on the old memories you shared with Spencer. But you had made so much progress in moving on, on not letting him control your life despite his absent presence. You felt as if you had taken ten steps backwards, back to the first few months of coping without him. It was devastating. It was embarrassing.

Earlier in the day, you had even considered buying yourself flowers, just so you could have something else in the apartment to not make you feel so alone. Maybe you’d convince yourself into thinking that Spencer had, in fact, bought them for you, and he was just gone away on a case.

God, you were really losing it.

You were losing it so much, in fact, that you thought you heard a knock on your door.

But then you heard it again.

Your brows furrowed confusedly and you pushed the blanket off your body and turned off the TV before rising to your feet, padding softly over to the door.

You assumed it was Penelope since her frequent visits have not ceased despite the circumstances that took place between two of her best friends. She probably was coming by to comfort you, somehow being able to sense your need for a warm presence and copious amounts of alcohol.

With a huff, you pulled your door open, rubbing your tired eyes. “Penelope, I’m fine, really,” you began before the door even opened fully. 

Your words died in your mouth, however, when you fully opened the door. 

“Spence?”

A shy smile rested on his face, nervously playing with the strap of his satchel as his eyes searched yours. “Hi,” he spoke. “I was- uh, hoping we could talk, but since Penelope is coming over-”

You shook your head. “She isn’t coming over. I just thought you were her, since she’s the only person that really visits.” You cleared your throat, letting your eyes wander over his form. “You cut your hair.”

A soft blush bloomed across his cheeks, his lips curling up into that small smile that you knew so well. That you loved so much. “I-I did, yeah.”

“It looks nice.” The two of you stood there awkwardly for a beat, both of your minds clearly flooded with anxious thoughts. “You can, uh, come in.”

You stepped away from the door, wandering into the living room and flicking on the lights. You could hear the door shut but avoided looking back, that familiar feeling of dread now shifting into panic. 

“Y/N?”

You hummed in response, finally allowing yourself to turn and face him. “Yeah?”

“Can we talk?”

You pursed your lips, averting your gaze to the floor. “Right, that’s, uh, what you’re here for.” After silently gesturing to the couch, you two took a seat, a generous amount of space between you two, and he set his satchel down to seemingly create a barrier (at least, that’s what your mind told you). “What do you want to talk about?”

He shifted in his seat, his gaze set forward on the powered off TV. “These past few days, we were in Pittsburgh for a case. It was a couple, an older couple, who were using murder as a way to work through their relationship issues. To bond.”

You nodded along, a deep line in your forehead as you pondered what all of this was about.

“It just...” He let out a sigh. “It made me wonder if we could’ve been like that.”

You tilted your head slightly. “Murderers?” you hummed.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “If we could’ve grown old together. I-If we could’ve gotten married, bought a house, had kids... Had a normal life.”

You shifted awkwardly, wrapping your arms around your middle. “Spence...”

“Why did you leave?”

You looked up at him and saw that he now had his gaze settled on you. “What?”

“Why did you leave that day? When I went to help the team and you told me you’d stay?” His eyes searched yours. “I... I got home and you were gone. Your key was on the floor.” He sniffled, his lower lip trembling slightly. “It was like I lost you all over again.”

You didn’t know what to say, but you did know that you couldn’t bear seeing Spencer cry. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“I was gonna fix everything. We were gonna be okay.” He let out a shuddering breath.

“You can’t just fix everything, Spence. That’s not how it works.” You let out a sigh, pressing your palms into your closed eyes.

He was silent for a moment. “I wanted to try.”

You couldn’t help but repeat him. “Wanted?”

He chewed on his lower lip, turning to connect his gaze to yours. “I want to try. God, I want to try again so bad.”

It took all of your willpower to refrain from pulling him into your arms, to refrain from giving in. Instead, you reached out and rested your hand atop his. “You don’t know how much I’d love that.” His face lit up, and a small pang resonated in your chest. “But I just don’t know if it’s a good idea. I don’t know if...”

His face fell. “If you can trust me.”

You shook your head vehemently, leaning closer to him. “No, it’s not that. It’s just...” You blinked away a few tears. “Whenever I let my mind wander, I can’t help but think about what could’ve happened if everything didn’t happen. If Maeve was never in the picture, if it was just us for the rest of our lives.”

“Don’t you want that?”

“I do, but when I remember that it never could’ve happened...” A small sob bubbled in your throat. “It hurts to even think of it. Of what could’ve been.” You pulled your hand away to wipe at your cheeks. “And then my mind drifts off to what could’ve happened if Maeve didn’t leave, if you and her stayed together and were a couple. And it just makes me so... angry. It makes me someone I don’t want to be. Someone so full of-of hate, and disdain, and envy.” 

“But it didn’t happen. I’m with you. I want to be with you.”

Your hands trembled as you pushed yourself to your feet, beginning to pace the floor. “You don’t understand, Spencer. Now, every time I see you, every time I think of you, it just ends with me hurting and full of so much fucking hate. I hate you, and I hate her, and-” You tried to take a breath, your last words coming out as a weak whisper, “I hate myself for somehow driving you away.” You shoved your face into your hands, shoulders shaking with sobs.

Spencer’s footsteps sounded, growing closer and closer to you until you felt his presence at your side. “A few weeks ago, JJ was kidnapped and tortured. We found her in time, but that whole time that we were looking for her, I couldn’t help but think about what happened last year. And that was the first time I really, truly let myself think about what happened.” He cleared his throat, gently taking your tear-soaked hands into his. “And I realized that you were the only one who was there for me. The girl whose life I ruined was the person who went out of their way to save me. And I’m so selfish and stupid for not realizing that at all. God, I have an IQ of 187 but I’m the dumbest fucking person I know for not realizing that the best thing I had was right in front of me.”

“Spencer-”

“And then I threw everything away, and I hope you never forgive me for that, because I will never forgive myself for it. My selfishness and idiocy have landed us in a position that I will never fix, and you’ve made it clear that it can’t be fixed. But my selfishness won’t let me accept it, and that’s why I'm here. That’s why I’m begging you to give me another chance, knowing damn well that I don't deserve it. And it’s my own selfishness for making you relive all of it just so I can ask. But I can’t just let you go, no matter how hard how I try.”

You couldn’t fathom a single word to respond to him with, so you just stepped forward, your gaze locked on his as you stood just centimeters apart, your breath mingling with his. “Do you think... Do you think that we’ll ever be okay again?”

He squeezed your hands, his eyes searching yours. “I don't know, but I hope we will be some day.”

“I want to try, Spence. I really do. I’m just scared.”

He nodded, bumping his nose with yours. “We can take it slow.”

You pursed your lips, but a small smile tugged at the corners. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

You nodded, and before you could even breathe out another word, Spencer’s lips were on yours, his fingers drifting away from your hands so they could cup your cheeks.

In a moment, it felt as if nothing had changed. It felt as though it was any other night, the two of you spending a night together after a case, just enjoying the other’s company and allowing yourselves to melt into each other. Each of his touches rang so familiar, his lips gliding against yours as if they had never left.

You were finally able to move your hands after a few moments, allowing your fingers to glide through his hair and relish in the feeling that you hadn't experienced for a year. 

It ended all too quickly when Spencer pulled his lips from yours, his panting breath fanning across your face as his eyes slowly fluttered open. You let out a small hum of protest, craning forward for a moment before snapping back into the moment, reminding yourself not to push it. 

“What’s wrong?” you questioned, your tongue darting out to wet your lips.

“I-um,” Spencer began, letting out a small chuckle. “I just remembered I brought something for you.”

You tilted your head, reluctantly letting your touch fall away from him as he turned to rifle through his satchel. A moment later he stood up and turned to you, a crooked smile on his face and a wilting bundle of red poppies clutched in his hands. 

“I wanted to hide them so it’d be a surprise, but they didn’t really stay intact.”

Your lower lip quivered, reaching out and taking the bouquet in your hands. “You got me flowers?” you choked out, fawning over the flowers before shifting your gaze to him.

He nodded, shifting nervously from foot to foot. “I-In western cultures, red poppies usually symbolize consolation and peace. In eastern cultures, though, they symbolize love and success.” He chewed on his lower lip. “I figured both interpretations would fit well.”

“They’re beautiful.” Sniffling, you set the bundle down on the coffee table before taking his hand in yours. “I... I don’t really know what to say.”

He squeezed your hand and wrapped his free arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. “Happy Valentine’s day.” Silently, his eyes flickered from your lips before returning them to your own. “I... I lo-”

Before he could get the words out, words that you were too fearful to utter yourself, you pressed your lips to his once more. he let out a surprised hum, the hand around your waist gripping tightly onto you and searching for a silver of bare skin.

You pulled your hand from his and gripped onto his hair once more, your other hand quickly working at the buttons of his shirt. Your initiative quickly spurred Spencer forward, his hands moving under your top and gliding against your skin.

This was a bad idea. A horrible idea. But God, you’d be lying if you didn’t want it so bad. 

So much for going slow.

***

This February 15th ended up appearing the same as the last, with clothes strewn about the apartment, scattered throughout in the same messy way that hickeys tattered your skin and Spencer’s.

His hands were still on your bare skin when you woke, the sun shining through the pale curtains. 

What was new was the heavy feeling of dread, settling so deeply into the pit of your stomach you could’ve sworn that you felt your tummy distending.

It seemed that your worries were so loud that they woke Spencer up, as a small groan left his lips and he shifted against your back. Immediately you leveled out your breath, letting your eyes flutter closed so you appeared to still be sleeping.

Gently, his fingers caressed your upper arm, his lips pressing kisses against the goosebumps left in the wake of his fingers. You tried with all your might to keep your breath from hitching, but you couldn't decide if it was because you didn’t want him to stop or if you were too nervous to discuss the actions that took place the night before. Probably both. 

Spencer’s fingers had abandoned your arm, instead moving to brush your hair away from your neck and attach his lips to the junction between your neck and shoulder. At that moment your body had betrayed you as a soft moan had tumbled from your lips.

He chuckled against your skin, his hand snaking around your waist and resting against your sternum, fingers splaying out and pulling you close to him. “Good morning, love,” he hummed, his nose nudging under your chin and prompting you to turn your head to look at him.

Your eyes latched onto his gaze, and it was clear that your emotions were translating very clearly through your expressions as he slowly loosened his grip on you. “Spencer,” you sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

You worried on your lower lip, trying to figure out what to say. Finally, you pushed yourself out of his grasp and swung your legs over the side of the bed, eyes searching the wall as if it held all the answers.

Spencer scooted forward, one hand reaching out to trace along your spine while his other arm propped himself up. “Y/N?”

“I thought we were gonna go slow,” you whispered, turning your head to look over your shoulder at him.

“Did... Did you not want to have sex last night?” A look of worry began to settle on his features, and you could basically see all of the panicked thoughts whirring around in his head.

“No, no. I mean, yes, but it’s not that.” You huffed out through your nose. “I just feel like... Like my decision-making skills are impaired, especially when I’m around you. Like all sense goes out the window and I just want to be with you, but it’s not good for either of us to rush into it so quickly.”

He nodded, his gaze dropping to the bedsheets. “I’m sorry.”

You reached out, hand cupping his jaw and tilting his chin up to look at you. “It’s not your fault. I just think that...”

“That we need to take things slower from now on.”

“Exactly.” You gave him a small smile, one that he returned. “Maybe we can start going on dates again, work back up to where we were bef-” You stopped yourself from finishing the word, though you could tell that Spencer knew exactly what you were going to say. 

Before Maeve.

With a final nod, you both were silent, moving out of bed to get dressed. Once you were dressed in a baggy shirt and sleep shorts and Spencer was clad in last night’s clothes, he turned to you once more. “Y/N?” he spoke, sliding his satchel over his shoulder.

“Yeah?” you hummed, letting your gaze fall onto his.

“Can I...” He stepped forward, toe to toe. “Can I kiss you?”

You let out a sigh. “Spence-”

“I just, I need to kiss you one last time. Then we can go back to the beginning.” His eyes were begging, his hands itching to touch you. “Please.”

You weighed your options. On one hand, you didn’t know the next time you’d have the chance to kiss him, and you already were craving your next fix. On the other hand, though, you were worried that it would make it exponentially more difficult to start over after being reminded of how his lips felt against yours.

Wordlessly, you stepped forward and threw caution to the wind.

[oneofyatosfollowers]

Yatori Week 2021- Day 4

@yatoriweek2021

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32090953/chapters/79500055

Fanfiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13905660/1/Yatori-Week-2021

Yukine was in the living room studying for midterms when his dad busted the door down and flounced into the room.

This was a common occurrence, as this man was not his biological dad, but rather a once concerned neighbor that adopted him and was therefore hardly a decade older than the teen. There could be many reasons why his dad, a man named Yato, was excited:

He saw something to do with Capybaras

He got an extra sketchy side job for pocket change

The weather was nice

He bought junk with said pocket change

Anything to do with his beloved girlfriend, Hiyori

Based on the way the young man skipped into the living room, high on cloud nine, Yukine could only assume it was the last option. With sigh, Yukine closed his textbook and readied himself to lose the rest of his study time. Yato tended to talk about his girlfriend for hours on end, like he’s never seen nor heard of them before her, and Yukine would not be able to focus. Now, Yukine liked his dad’s girlfriend. Loved her in fact. His dad was her art tutor- and class nude model- in college since she struggled with the subject as a medical major. Eventually she had become Yukine’s tutor in everything else except math, which was reserved for his dad. It was unclear if Yato hired her, or she did it out of the kindness of her heart, or the two just wanted to see more of each other, but Hiyori wormed her way into both their hearts.

“Yukine!”

“What?” Yukine drawled. His dad was a whirlwind of smiles and flailing arms as he tumbled towards Yukine. Used to this too, the blonde simply waited for Yato to sit directly in front of him without knocking him over. Yukine blinked as his dad struggled to find the words to communicate in a language they both understood. It tended to take some time, as falling in love with Hiyori Iki was a grand affair that wrestled your heart and tied your tongue. She tended to have that effect on people, as most kind-angels did. However, when all he did was wheeze and let out a strange coo mixed with a whine, Yukine couldn’t help but scoff and roll his eyes.

“I did it!” Yato beamed.

“Did what?”

“I finished that old lady’s kitchen and finally got enough money!” He burst. In a fit of laughter that strangers might have thought was madness, the young man rolled onto his back and kicked his feet. It took a moment for Yukine to realize his theory was somehow wrong before he crawled over top of his dad.

“What-ugh,” Yukine slapped away the hands that covered the man’s face, “what are you saving for? You never save money. I’m surprised we haven’t missed any bills yet.” Hands away his face, his dad’s bright blue eyes stared into Yukine’s hazel, full of unbridled joy . That was hardly a good sign; Yato was known for extravagant plans that he got far too excited over. Especially when they failed more often than not. Honestly, Hiyori was a saint for staying with such a spaz.

“That’s the thing!” The man gasped. He didn’t wait for his son’s answer, leaping to his feet to dash into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Yukine was rolling his eyes, of course it was about her. Yato ran back to his spot on the floor next to his son.

“Our two year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks and you know it’s around that time! The age, the lifestyle, the current situation,” he swooned, “her parents and Kofuku and Daikoku!”

“What. Are you talking about?” Yukine groaned as he kneaded his forehead. Just because his dad was capable of speech, didn’t mean he used it properly.

“I want to propose,” he said, “I want to propose to Hiyori.” The three magazines that he clenched in his hands were squeezed so tightly they crinkled. This time it was big blue eyes that watched Yukine struggle to find words. Yukine sucked in air, swallowed, stared, opened his mouth with nothing to come out, blinked a few times, then swallowed again. The logical part of this brain just shrugged, this was the obvious next step. They loved each other, were old enough, and that was usually the point of dating, what it led to. It wouldn’t change their day to day. The emotional side was shocked, blindsided, and completely convinced this would change everything.

Just the word ‘proposal’ was heavy in Yukine’s mind because ‘proposal’ led to ‘wedding’ which means ‘marriage’ which equals ‘family.’ Not that they weren’t already a family, they moved in to Hiyori’s place a little less than a year ago but that was a financial decision if anything. The more childish part of Yukine, the one that had originally protested the relationship and acted out during the first month of their dating, feared that this would take away even more of Yato’s attention. Because the fact was that marriage led to more children. But Yukine knew better than that by now. On the other hand, families, something Yukine had once before Yato, left a sour taste in his mouth. What’s more, this would without a doubt make Hiyori his ‘mother’ and this would mean Yukine wouldn’t just have a ‘parent’ but ‘parents,’ functioning ones that both loved him.

That last thought resonated in Yukine’s chest. Yato and Hiyori loved him very much, unconditionally, and he loved them. They were already a family and Yukine- Yukine wouldn’t mind calling Hiyori ‘mom’ if she ever wanted to adopt him. But most importantly, Yukine finally let his eyes drop from Yato’s and fall to the magazines. They were all for different jewelry stores, the outlines of their pages lined with little color tabs. Yukine could imagine they were covered in little notes and doodles from long before this moment. Most importantly, Yato deserved this. He was a single, smart, and kind young man that worked his way from the very bottom. Even Yukine was old enough to understand that for someone in that position- an impoverished college student- that Yato had taken on a lot, adopting him. It couldn’t have been easy to find someone. Someone as genuine as Hiyori who loved him just as much. Yato deserved this and he deserved to have Yukine support him. Which Yukine found that he truly, truly did.

“That’s great,” Yukine finally said. His voice cracked from the emotion and worry flashed across Yato’s face. But with one sniff and a genuine smile, Yukine showed that he was happy for them. The two dissolved into excited giggles and laughter, eyes blurry with emotion.

“I want you to help me pick it out. I want you with me when I buy it and help me plan the whole thing! I want you to be there with me, I need my kiddo for support,” Yato confessed. Blinking away the moist sheen, Yukine nodded once with a wobbly smile. His dad laughed with every ounce of giddiness and happiness that Yukine felt.

“Originally I was going to make one-”

“No,” Yukine said offhandedly as he wiped his eyes. Yato waved his hands and put down the magazines.

“I know! I know. This is super important and Hiyori deserves the actual ring. The best of the best! I can’t keep getting away with handmade gifts,” Yato said as he opened to a tab in each of the magazines. Yukine eyed the objects he circled and crossed out, writing everywhere.

“You make great hand-made gifts,” Yukine muttered as he fiddled with the cuff of his hand-made christmas sweater. His dad looked up to him, down at his hands, then back up with a smile.

“Well, I was thinking of making her golden knucklebusters, with diamonds of course, as an early wedding present.” Yato huffed.

“She’d like that a lot,” Yukine laughed, “just don’t let her parents see.”

“Oh god no! They already hardly like me.”

“They like you.”

“Yeah, cause I fix their house for free. Redo their kitchen,” Yato mumbled, “I hope they approve of this. I already asked them but the dad seemed more on board with it than her mom.”

“Hey,” Yukine nudged his dad, “that’s a good sign. At least you asked first.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right! This is good! She just needs to say yes.”

“She’ll say yes,” Yukine huffed with another roll of his eyes. Despite himself, even Yukine felt the small spark of fear at the possibility of Hiyori saying otherwise. They flipped through the magazines for a couple minutes longer, Yukine balking at the prices and mental math of costs per month.

“Ah!” Yato suddenly shot up and grabbed both of Yukine’s hands, knocking the book out of his hands.

“H-hey!” Yukine sputtered, wincing at his dad’s sweaty hands.

“But you can’t tell anyone!” Yato insisted, “this is a surprise. It has to stay a secret. Okay? Don’t tell anyone. Okay?”

“Okay!” Yukine finally yanked his hands away.

“You promise?” Yato urged, leaning even closer. His son shoved his face away and picked up his magazine.

“Yes! Yes! I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

They really were made for each other, Yukine thought a couple days later, like soulmates. Once again he was at home, heading to his room after Yato dropped him off. They had a family dinner later and Yukine wanted to chill at home with Hiyori while Yato went to prepare for the proposal. The house was quiet when he walked in so Yukine slipped the quarts of ice cream in the freezer and made his way to his room. Hiyori must be in bed. She hadn’t been feeling well recently, getting nauseous everyday for the past week. All those thoughts went out the window when, on the way to his room, the bathroom door cracked open and Hiyori’s head popped out.

“Yukine!” She hissed, “Yukine!” If it weren’t for her eyes being so wide and pleading, Yukine might have felt a bit more embarrassed by the sight. He stopped short in the hall.

“What’s wrong?” He said immediately. First she looked nervously off to the side, then to him, then up, then behind her, then back at him, letting out a whine disguised as a hum.

“What?” Yukine asked, a bit more nervously now. Still finding it difficult to answer, Hiyori’s arm slipped out and waved him over. Fearing she might have a broken bone, Yukine took one look at the house phone then walked over to the bathroom door, heart in his throat.

“Are you ok-ay!” Yukine squawked as the front of his shirt was grabbed and he was yanked into the bathroom, the door slamming behind him. He quickly glanced behind him, at the barrier, then back at his friend. She looked nervous, which made Yukine nervous. He would even say she looked anxious, scared, but the air buzzed with an excited tension. In front of her, Hiyori played with her fingers as she struggled to meet his gaze.

“Hiyori, are you okay?” Yukine finally got out. She looked okay, well not ‘okay’ okay but physically safe. The sweat that beaded her brow and the way her knees almost knocked together said otherwise.

“Um,” Hiyori looked up then down, “yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I- I think so?” Terrified at the thought of anything bad happening, Yukine quickly approached her with his hands up.

“What happened? What’s wrong? Do you need me to call Yato? We should call-”

“No!” Hiyori blurted out, causing Yukine to flinch. At this point he was almost shaking, Hiyori was rarely against calling Yato, especially during emergencies. More than just being the man of the house, Yato knew everything! He was calm and cool under pressure and could take on any problem without delay, dropping everything to help. Yukine certainly didn’t want to deal with whatever this was without at least telling his dad. Seeing the panic bubble, Hiyori reached forward and gently held Yukine’s hands like she often did during these times.

“No, no, no, it’s okay! It’s nothing bad! Nothing’s wrong!” Hiyori comforted, “I just got worrie- excited! I’m nervous about something and I wanted to tell you in private. It’s okay, nobody’s in danger,” her words quickly calmed Yukine back down.

“O-oh, okay,” Yukine nodded, “so, so what’s up?” He stuck his hands in his pocket to hide their shaking while Hiyori went back to fiddling with her fingers.

“I have a, uh, surprise! For Yato. And I, uh, wanted to hear your thoughts first.” She stammered out. This was rather confusing, but Yukine was relieved to hear that was all it was. Maybe she had a big anniversary present planned that she wanted his opinion with.

“Oh okay, what is it?”

“Well it’s not an ‘it’ exactly. It’s more of a, uh, uh, thing? Not a thing! It’s not a thing! I’m a thing? I’m something? I-I-I have something to give to Yato. And you? The family. My family too, you know, once I tell them. I’m just not exactly sure,” Hiyori babbled just like her not-yet-fiance, looking all around. Yukine resisted the urge to roll his eyes- he stopped doing that to her ages ago- and he refused to rush her.

“It’s okay,” Yukine offered a smile, “I’m sure whatever the thing is, Yato will love it. You know how sappy he is, he’ll love it cause it comes from you and you mean it.”

“Haha, yeah,” she didn’t sound too convinced and Yukine worried about why.

“I mean it, he will.” Yukine tried again. This time, Hiyori seemed to get rather bleary eyed and she hugged herself.

“Maybe not this time, Yukine, I’m just not sure. I mean we talked about it but it’s too soon and- who knows- maybe he won’t?” She continued looking around the room, biting her lip. Yukine was still an awkward sort of a teen and not very good with crying young women so all he could think to do was squeeze her hands.

“Don’t say that, Hiyori, there’s nothing on this earth that he-”

“I’m pregnant.” Her confession rang throughout the empty bathroom, echoing against the tiles and Yukine’s ribs. The boy’s mouth clicked shut as all those images he’d imagined, with Yato fawning over another child that was actually his, flooded in. When Hiyori sniffed again, the pictures shattered, leaving a frightened young woman holding her stomach.

“Yukine, I’m pregnant,” she repeated. Swallowing Yukine let his hands lightly rub her arms up and down.

“That’s,” he breathed, “amazing.” The honest wonderment he felt bleed through his voice and Hiyori looked up at him, eyes shining with pure hope.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Yukine promised. They deserved to be happy and experience having a baby and raising them with all the love and care they gave Yukine. After all, they already saved his life. What more can he ask of them? Once again he found himself blinking away the moisture in his eyes, Hiyori trying to do the same.

“But, what about Yato? Do you think he’ll,” Hiyori bit her lip and Yukine struggled to find the words and push away any jealousy he felt. Of course he wanted to be Yato’s one and only, for the man to never have kids of his own cause he had Yukine. But that was as selfish as it was stupid. Yato had a lot of love and Yukine knew he was no different than a son to him. Yato would never abandon him for something he deemed better and Yukine would be there to support him. Both of them.

“He will absolutely love them,” Yukine assured her, letting out a dry sob, “he’ll make the best dad.”

“Well, hehe, I think he already does?” Hiyori wiped under her eyes and Yukine found himself laughing.

“That’s right!” Yukine said, joyfully, “he’s the best.”

“Yeah, he is. The best I could ask for,” she murmured happily. The room was considerably warmer, lighter as Hiyori set her palms gently over her abdomen with a soft smile.

“Now I just have to tell him,” Hiyori said, “and my parents.”

“I’m sure they’ll be happy too,” Yukine sighed as he leaned against the door, “you haven’t told them yet?”

“No, they’re old fashioned and I would rather tell Yato first. So you can’t tell anyone!” Hiyori suddenly stepped forward with pleading eyes.

“Huh?”

“It’s a surprise! I want to tell him on our anniversary but I really need you to be there as support, so you can’t say anything, okay?  Promise me you’ll keep it a secret!” She begged. Yukine gave his answer before he could think, not realizing until later what it would entail.

“I-I will! I’ll be there! And I promise I won’t say anything!”

The anniversary dinner reservation was booked at the restaurant Yato took Hiyori to on their very first date. It stood on the corner of an annual festival that followed the date and where Yato often took them every year since. In the car ride, various levels of anxious excitement is so palpable one of them could cut it with a knife. The excitement mostly came from the two adults in the front seat. Yukine, who sat behind Hiyori, was the majority of the anxiousness. Both hands were stuffed firmly in his jacket, balled up in his right hand was a little box protecting a diamond ring, his left was gently pinching the image of an ultrasound. He kept trying to rip his hands out of his pockets, worried about the cold sweat ruining such valuable commodities.

“So Yukine, are you excited about the festival?” Yato peaked at him through the rear-view mirror, smiling gleefully. It was unclear if his dad noticed Yukine’s flinch, but he quickly shoved his hands tight in his pockets and tried a smile.

“Y-yeah!” His voice cracked and Yato let out an awkward laugh. In the passenger seat, Hiyori turned around to look at him with an equally wobbly smile and a nod.

“We’re glad you can come with us to dinner this time,” she said, “right Yato?”

“Sure are! Soon you’ll be too old for us to force you to come on our dates!” Yato laughed. Even with the implication, the air in the car was considerably lighter. Yukine found himself laughing too, secretly knowing that there would never come a day he would need to be forced. While anniversary dinners were different, dinners with your parents hopefully lasted forever.

“Yato!” Hiyori chided through her giggles, giving him a good whack on the arm. The family continued to snicker as Yato pulled into a parking spot. He ran around the car to open the door for his beloved, taking her hand and helping her out. Yukine’s amusement sank like a rock when both the adults gave him a pointed look and a nod, he was reminded of what was to come. Giving his name, Yato could barely contain his excitement as the waitress brought them to a raised booth in the back.

“Yato,” Hiyori said with a light gasp. It was unclear if she noticed that this booth was the only one with fake roses strung up along the back but Hiyori wore a look of awe as she sat down on the other side of the candle.

“Two years,” he sang in reply.

“Yukine, you can take off your coat,” Hiyori suggested.

“N-nah that’s okay!” Yukine said. Both of them must have understood the implication because neither of them pressed it. They took a glance at the menu and eventually, the waiter came to take their orders, offering the most expensive bottle of champagne that Yato had already paid for.

“Oh, uh, no thank you, I’ll just have water, please,” Hiyori asked as she shut the menu and handed it to him. Yukine watched the waiter flash Yato a lost look who just nodded as he handed his own menu.

“I’ll have a colosi,” Yato said. The meal picked up quickly after that, the three of them ordering good dishes. Shortly after they started to dig in, the violinist Yato had called from college- a man with glasses named Kazuma- came over and began to play.

“Mmm!” Hiyori slurped down her pasta, “this is our song!”

“Hmm?” Yato cocked his head.

“Our song! You know, the one they played at the after party for the art exhibit? Our first dance,” Hiyori said. She ducked her head, looking suitably embarrassed until Yato hummed.

“I remember! Of course I do,” Yato smiled, “best night of my life.” Love in the air, they finished their meal, sharing a dessert Yato treated Yukine too. Once the dinner was complete, Yato distracted Hiyori long enough for Yukine to run and give Kazuma a tip and the next phase. Then Yukine jogged after them, the three of them walking out into the festival. Hiyori, rather obviously, tugged Yato off to the right. The woman on track to being a doctor was clever enough to know her romantic boyfriend would be taking them to the spot of their first kiss. Of course he did that every year, but Hiyori hoped being in such a nostalgic place would help the news to be received more positively.

Still, the two of them put a lot of effort into making sure Yukine felt included. Part of him thought this was just done out of gratitude for his help, but they’ve taken him here more than enough times for Yukine to understand they just wanted him to have fun too. Of course, this was still part of Yato’s extremely detailed plan. A handful of the game stands held certain prizes that Yato planted for the proposal. So far, Yato carried a hand-made scarf that mimicked something Hiyori used to wear while they were dating, a small wooden house that was used in sketch class, a box of sparklers, and binoculars. Currently, Hiyori was selecting another prize Yato and Yukine won for her by playing darts. Based on Yato’s instructions, the man offered Hiyori the prize box of fake jewelry, one of which was real and hand made. Knowing her, she would notice the pink-flowered charm and select it.

“I’ll have to go back for that bottle,” Yato sighed as he watched his love look over the options.

“I can go back and put it in the car,” offered Yukine.

“No, no, no, I need you here with me,” his dad looked at him, “I can’t do this without you.” He sounded confident but his eyes were so scared that Yukine couldn’t help but nod. Yukine had made a promise to himself some time ago that he would protect this eccentric, kind-hearted man that saved his life, from others who would try to take advantage of him or go out of their way to hurt him. Just like Yukine once did.

“I have tissues in case she says no and I put the ice cream in the freezer for you.”

“Haha! That’s my boy,” Yato let his fingers noogie Yukine’s hair and they laughed. The moment of truth was upon them. As Hiyori came back to them, showing off her new bracelet with the claim that it was something Yato would make for her. They walked to the edge of the street, the overview circling out over the park with a fence and benches. Yato handed the house and sparklers to Yukine, wrapping the light scarf around Hiyori’s neck. The fireworks would start in exactly seven minutes and Yukine still had both objects in his pockets.

“Yato,” Hiyori suddenly said, “I need to talk to you.” She looked at Yukine who stared back at her with wide eyes.

“What is it? We can talk here, you know,” Yato tried to get Hiyori to come towards the railing, but she remained firmly where she was.

“I just decided that I want,” she looked around, “some cotton candy!” Hiyori frantically pointed towards one of the mini carts.

“Wha-? Right now?” Yato’s shock and fear cracked his voice but he quickly tried to cover it with a laugh.

“How about after the fireworks? They’re going to start soon and you know how much I like-”

“Please Yato?” Hiyori put her hands together and cocked her head. From the middle of them, Yukine sucked air through his teeth and looked at Yato. Those were the big guns, Yato rarely said no to begging.

“Uh, um, okay, Hiyori. One-one sec!” Yato started towards the treats, “come on, Yukine!”

“No, no! That’s okay! Yukine can stay with me!” Hiyori insisted. She smiled when Yato just sputtered then ran off to retrieve the sweets.

“Okay, give it to me,” she frantically hushed.

“You’re going to do it now?” Yukine gave a quieted exclamation.

“I have to! I can’t let this continue without him knowing!” Hands shaking, Yukine handed the ultrasound to Hiyori who stuffed it under the top layer of her shirt against her spine. Once glance at the clock told Yukine there was four minutes until the fireworks would light up the sky and Kazuma would light the sparklers next to the matching mini wooden house just below them.

“Okay! Okay, here!” Yato ran back to them, “here you go, Hiyori!” He handed her a pink mass of sugar, shoving it in her face.

“Wha-! Yato!” Hiyori sputtered. As she struggled to get the sugary treat out of her face, Yato dove his hand in Yukine’s pocket and plucked out the ring.

“Heheh, sorry,” Yato said as he stuffed it into his pocket, “I tripped?” he offered as she moved the candy out of her face. As Yato smiled awkwardly at Hiyori’s narrowed eyes, the first firework of the night boomed in the sky. Slack-Jawed, the three of them looked up at the sky, then back at each other.

“Ah! It started!” Yukine gasped.

“Let’s go get a closer look Hiyori-”

“Yato, I have something for you!”

“I have something for you too, but, uh, it’s over here. So let’s go over here!” Yato was quicker, and louder, than Hiyori and managed to grab her wrist and pull her towards the railing. Deciding that his job was done- and that he didn’t want to really get caught in whatever was about to happen- Yukine chose to stay a couple feet back.

“Yato, I- '' Hiyori's words were caught with a gasp as she looked over the railing. On the stone patio that surrounded the park were a bunch of pigeons eating the seeds Yato had Kazuma put down just as they left the restaurant. Feeding pigeons was something Yato did a lot in college and one of the places Hiyori would find him sketching before they started dating.

“Look at them all!” She gasped at the massive heart made purely out of hungry pigeons. In the center of the feathered shape was a small note, leaning on the matching mini home, with fancy calligraphy made clear by the sparklers that were stuck on either side.

“Is that a note?” Hiyori squinted, “I wonder what it says.” She looked at Yato when he cleared his throat.

“Why don’t you use your binoculars?” He offered them. Hiyori didn’t seem to think much of it, taking them and leaning over the railing.

“It says ‘Will You Marry Me?’ Aw I wonder who that’s- for?” Hiyori’s sentence fell off her lips, drifting through the wind as she lowered the binoculars and turned her head. Yukine watched her eyes drop to Yato on his knee, who was gently holding up the box and the ring. When she gasped, eyes growing wide, he nudged the box up higher and cocked his head with a forced smile.

“Will you?” he asked. It took a moment but Hiyori finally moved, closing her mouth and blinking rapidly.

“Yes,” she breathed.

“Really?” Yato sprang up with a gigawatt smile, Hiyori laughing at him.

“Yes! Yes!” She professed, bouncing up and down with Yato. Quickly putting the binoculars around her neck, Hiyori quickly grabbed Yato’s face and they joined in a passionate kiss. From his spot, Yukine found himself bouncing on the balls of his feet and clapping with the few people surrounding them. Through their love-sick laughter, and Hiyori’s many kisses, Yato took her hand and raised her to the ring. Before the rock could slip onto her finger, Hiyori jolted, finger freezing.

“What is it?” Questioned Yato, terrified at the way she took her hand back.

“Before you give me the ring, I want to give you my thing,” Hiyori said. Her weak words were slightly drowned out by the fireworks display and chatter of the audience but Yato just nodded with tight lips. Eyes downcast, Hiyori’s fingers slipped under her shirt. Then, she handed the ultrasound to Yato who blinked at once before he gently took it. Yukine watched him stare at it, almost incomprehensibly, for a little longer than necessary. Yato blinked again, turned it around and blinked once more. Adam’s apple bobbing, Yukine watched Yato’s lips say something that was too quiet to hear. Hiyori nodded, a jolting movement, trying to force a smile around her wet eyes. This was it, Yukine thought, they were a little family; a mother and her future husband. Yato was a husband, a father, a man of the house. Yukine’s clapping hands stopped and gripped his shorts.

Yato suddenly got his breath of life back, his head jolted up and he looked to Hiyori with an open jaw. He couldn’t force it close until he tackled her into a hug, holding her head and waist so close, like she was the only thing keeping him standing. Whatever Yato said convinced Hiyori it was time to slip the engagement ring on her finger as they squeezed each other tight. Their laughter sounded again, overshadowed by the fireworks and sounding considerably more breathless than before. Lit up by the dancing colors, Yukine watched them alternate between laughing, talking, kissing, and pointing at the objects in their hands. Just as Yukine’s happiness was starting to be completely overshadowed with loneliness and isolation, he watched both of them point at their gifts then turn and face the blonde.

“Yukine!” They cheerfully called his name, arms open to welcome him into their hug. Heart leaping for joy into his throat, Yukine ran forward without a thought. By the time their arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly against their bodies, Yukine’s wet laughter was bubbling out of his chest.

“Yukine! You double player you!” Yato exulted.

“You did such a good job!” Hiyori complimented with tears, “thank you so much!” The family gave another tight hug before pulling away.

“We really couldn’t have done it without you,” Yato sighed. He kept his arms around their shoulders, holding the ultrasound up against the sky, the three watched the final colors of the fireworks illuminate the tiny bundle of life that would be greeting them soon. As the final boom pounded against their beating hearts, Yato finally gave it back to his fiance.

“I’m glad it all worked out,” Yukine said, mostly to himself.

“Are you sure?” Yato asked him.

“Huh?”

“We just want to make sure that you’re okay with all this,” Hiyori started, “we know this is a lot and we just want to hear your thoughts about all this.” She gestured to everything but when Yukine gave them a blank look, Yato put his hands on Yukine’s head.

“Our family is getting a little bigger, are you happy?” He asked softly. Warmth spread throughout Yukine, building in his heart and fanning the heat behind his eyes.

“Yeah,” Yukine breathed, “I’m happy.” He blinked and let out a hum of a laugh as Yato and Hiyori smiled at each other.

“That’s great because we have something for you too,” Yato grinned.

“For me?” Yukine blinked. What could it be? What more could they possibly give him?

“Yes, a surprise for you too! Mostly from me to you,” Hiyori offered. When she looked at Yato, smile matching his, the three separated and Yato lifted his top shirt to reveal a folded packet. He handed it to Hiyori who handed it to Yukine with a shy smile.

“If you want,” she tacked on. Yukine kept his eyes on her as he unfolded the paperwork, already knowing what it was before he looked it at. It was so familiar, nearly identical to the one Yato gave him so long ago, the one that now sat in a protective folder in Yukine’s bedroom.

“You want to? Adopt me?” Yukine asked. He squeezed the papers tightly against his chest. Unable to say anything more, Hiyori pressed her trembling lips together and gave a short nod, a couple tears falling from her eyes. He was back in her arms just as she opened them, sniffing against her collar bone.

“Is that okay? Will you have me, Yukine?” She tearfully asked as she brushed his bangs out of his eyes.

“Yes,” Yukine cried, “I’d love that. So much.” He had a mom now. Not that woman that gave birth to him, a real mother figure that loved and cared for him and his dad properly. He had parents.

“See?” Yato sniffed, “I told you he would gladly welcome you into the family!” He tried wiping the tears from his cheeks but it hardly made a difference.

“The family?” Yukine repeated, feeling the word on his tongue.

“Of course! Can’t be a family without you, kiddo!” Yato insisted. He pulled them back into a hug, each of the gifts to each other- sealing their love and connection- squishing under the force of their laughter. They came together in a rather unconventional way, and they were nothing Yukine imagined for himself, yet they were everything he could ask for.

His parents.

His family.

[thirstybtsthoughts]

I feel like I'm bombarding you with theses useless rants but I gotta get it out somewhere sorry. So I started working for the first time ever and it's been two months but I still cant get use to it. It's depressing and nerve-wracking thinking that now I have money and I genuinely don't want to spend it. I bought a new phone only because I knew that my old one was going to die anytime and since I'm not living by myself yet, my reasoning was to get a new one before I actually pay bills and then have my old one broken and no money to get a new one, and I still feel guilty about it, like I should've went for a cheaper phone. I got the premium to an app I wanted to for ages but they charged me an extra for buying it in dollars when in my country we don't use america dollars lol and it depresses me to think that a year from now ill be probably living by myself and will be borderline poor, my salary is just enough to pay the basics, fyi I still live w my family at home. On top of that there's this loneliness that i can't seem to get over, I feel alone even when I'm with people how could I ever live alone? A few of my loved ones are having health issues and I'm scared for them, I'm also scare for myself. You know that TV show cheapstakes? Imma just be one of em, I'm already thinking of stupid ways to save up money. Like not having any subscription to any platform whatsoever and just find them online but what if a virus gets in and then it's worse to fix plus my phone bill, therapy, etc, I won't be able to live comfortably. Adulting is shit man, i hate all of this I'm not enjoying it at all. I hate my job, i have to keep up w uni which I also hate, I'm exhausted of living honestly sometimes I wished I never existed at all. There's no joy, everything has been only suffering and desperately finding ways to not hit rock bottom. It is absolutely tiring. I got two pair of shows i never use, and they were somehow pricey, i hate myself for that too. Might as well just never change clothes and live like a homeless person. I cry all the time to the point I get nauseous.

Again, I'm sorry for all this depressing shit, sincerely ♥️

🦀

I think we need to talk about this privately or elsewhere...

I feel like I can't type everything I want to say, as I want to say alot, so bear with me, I'll try my best.

I know all this is easier said than done, and I know what I say may not help in any way, but I want you to know that I hear you.

Please please please don't feel bad for getting yourself a phone!! or anything you buy for yourself! You earn that money yourself and deserve to get yourself the things you want and the things you need.

Yes, adult life is expensive and it sucks, and I don't know how your home life is or what you've seen/been taught growing up, but there will always be a way to earn more money. Its what we earn for, to be able to buy ourselves nice things. And since you're not currently living away from home, you can set aside money to pay for clothes etc.

Open a savings account, and put a certain amount into it each time you get paid. The money in that account is not to be touched again until you need it for a big spend, like rent. The money in your main account can be used for any of you day to day expenses such as groceries and toiletries. Honestly, I don't know what else to say on this matter.

As for the loneliness, oh my god do I feel you on that 🥺. It will pass, I promise. It always does. Maybe you need someone who truly understands you, or something to keep your heart filled, whether it's a hobby or a person. You're not the only one who feels this, it's a more common feeling than you'd think 🥺💜

I'm sorry this is a rubbish response 😩

[dershloopmain]

End Of Everything - Chapter 1

‘’Hey, Donnie! What’s the big idea, I was watching that!’’ Raph yelled as his brother clicked the remote, changing the channel from a cartoon he was watching to the news.

‘’Stop whining Raph, apparently, something big is going up there. April thinks we should check it out.’’ Donnie replied, rolling his eyes.

‘’Then go topside and have a look! It was just getting interesting too,’’ Raph took a dive for the remote, attempting to rip it out of his hand, failing miserably.

‘’Hey stop it you big baby,’’ Donnie said pushing Raph back with his foot, ‘’I’m trying to listen. You can watch whatever you want in a minute.’’

‘’Whatever,’’ Raph said defeatedly, slumping back in the chair and folding his arms.

‘’Oh my god…’’ Donnie said, causing his brother to look up confused. Then, he saw it.

‘’Leo, Mikey get in here!’’ Raph yelled, unable to take his eyes off of the news anchor.

‘’What’s the matter Ra-’’ Leo stopped, mouth open as he too became transfixed on the news report.

‘’What are you doing dude? Why are you just standing there like a-’’ Mikey was the last to realise.

Raph felt a pit open in his stomach. He wasn’t sure if he was going to hurl or cry as he listened to what the lady said.

‘’News just in: Over 1000 people have contracted the parasite, with the numbers rapidly rising. The people in the zombie-like state cannot hear you but have incredible eyesight so stay hidden at all costs. Do not try to interact with them, as even just a minor scratch could cause you to contract it and turn into one of those things. If you’re out on the streets, we here at CNN implore you to immediately seek shelter. There are emergency bunkers if you can not return home quick enough and if you can arrive home, lock the doors, border the windows and do not answer the door to anyone outside of your household. We will keep you updated.’’

‘’Oh my God,’’ Donnie repeated, his shoulder sinking and his leg bucked, causing Raph to fall onto the floor. Though he didn’t shout. Didn’t curse. Didn’t get angry. He stayed silent, besides a small ‘oof’ as he hit the floor, jamming his shoulder.

‘’I- What are we going to do?’’ Leo said quietly, walking over and sinking down next to Donnie.

Raph felt a pit open in the base of his stomach. What were they going to do? What about in 10 years? 20 years? 30 years? Did it even matter? Would they even survive? So many unanswered questions swirled around in his mind, a feeling of nausea overcoming his senses.

‘’I’m not sure,’’ Donnie replied softly, still unable to pry his eyes from the TV screen, ‘’We could leave the city? The farmhouse should be still available.’’

‘’I don’t know. Too risky.’’ Raph said from the floor.

‘’Riskier than staying here? New York is a huge city, Raph there are millions of people here. If they see us then there’ll just be more hysteria.’’ Leo said solemnly, a strange look on his face. A look Raph had never seen on his brother before. It was fear. Genuine, pure fear. It contorted his facial features in such a strange way it nearly scared him too. But he wasn’t scared. He couldn’t feel anything, it was disturbing. Sure, the situation was strange and he was mildly uncomfortable with Leo’s facial expression but… he wasn’t scared. Just nauseous. His head was pounding, which didn't help either.

‘’I don’t know I’m just thinking of the long term. Millions of people means millions of stores right?’’

‘’Yeah and millions of infected and millions of raiders. They’ll be nothing to raid. From the looks of things, people are already panic buying. Sure, they can get more stock but long term that’ll just mean more people hitting the stores for supplied when this whole thing gets out of hand.’’ Donnie chipped in, looking down at his T-phone, quickly tapping out messages to god knows who.

‘’Don, you’re great and smart and all but why the hell are you playing with your phone at a time like this?’’ Leo said sternly, looking over at his younger brother who was still looking down at his phone.

‘’First of all, thank you and second of all if you hadn’t noticed there’s a zombie virus currently taking over new york and assumably the world. I’m asking April and Casey if they and their families are ok.’’ Donnie said smugly. Raph smirked. At least one of them was coping well with this.

‘’I don’t know… I agree with Raph. It’s not like the farmhouse has a whole lot that we don’t. Besides, we’re pretty safe down here. Even then we could make some kind of topside stakeout. Like, convert a store or something. Then we can have a ton of supplies AND multiple backup plans,’’ Mikey said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Everyone stared at him in disbelief.

‘’Wow Mikey that’s… actually really smart,’’ Donnie said with a grin. Raph and Leo nodded in agreement, smiling at him too. Mikey smiled back, rubbing the back of his head bashfully.

‘’I don’t know guys it’s not that smart,.’’

‘’It is though! Only April, Casey and a few mutants know we exist so it’s not like we have a high chance of infection. We also have plenty of food and resources down here and miles of sewers to hide in if needs be. Then, when we run out of supplies here in New York we can just go to the farmhouse. There’s that little store that had the weird dream book right? I doubt anyone will hit that. Even then we have chickens there and miles of woods. Food won’t be that hard to come by right?’’ Donnie elaborated, smiling proudly at Mikey.

‘’See little brother?’’ Raph chipped in, ‘’You aren’t a total screw up!’’ Mikey rolled his eyes. ‘’Thanks for the backhanded compliment bro.’’

‘’Any time.’’

‘’So… what do we do now?’’ Leo said, his eyes shifting around to every possible exit or entrance.

‘’I don’t know. Casey said his dad and sister were on their way to the hospital while the outbreak was happening. Turns out she was bit and uh… turned on his dad during the car ride. April said her dad was getting groceries and hasn’t heard from him in nearly 24 hours so she’s not exactly in a good state either. Should we pick them up and bring them back here?’’ Donnie said sadly, looking down at his phone. Evidently, no matter what anyone said he would bring them back to the lair so they all agreed.

‘’More heads may equal more mouths to feel but it also means more hands for supplies so yeah, why not,’’ Leo said with a shrug. Raph was unable to shake the eerie feeling Leo was giving him.

‘’Uh and they’re our best friends? Cold much Leo?’’ He said angrily. Even during the apocalypse he was still so… he wasn't sure but it was nothing good.

‘’Sorry for trying to think logically about the situation Raph. God even during the apocalypse you still won’t let anything I say slide will you?’’

‘’Nope,’’ Raph smiled sweetly.

‘’Good to know. On that note, you can go with Donnie to fetch April and Casey. Mikey and I will stay here to start prep the lair and try to figure out what food and supplies we need.’’ Raph rolled his eyes but nodded, standing to get ready to leave, when he heard a noise.

‘’Raph!’’ Donnie was shouting at him. Why did he keep shouting his name?

‘’What?’’ He responded, confused as to why he was even shouting. He was right next to him?

‘’Raph!’’ He shouted again, louder this time.

His eyes opened and Donnie stood over him, glaring. Great. Another stupid dream.

‘’What?’’ He said groggily, sitting up and stretching out his limbs, chasing away any fleeting relaxation sleep brought.

‘’Leo told me to wake you up. It’s your turn to do the supply run.’’

‘’It was my turn to do the supply run last week’’ Donnie shrugged. Raph sighed and got out of bed, grabbing his sai and bandana, wrapping it tightly around his eyes. The more he thought about it all, the worse he’d feel so, as per usual, he pushed it to the back of his mind and got ready to leave. Pulling his knee and arm pads on he took a deep breath, getting ready to face his older brother.

Slipping through the door, making sure his gear was all secure, he glanced at the large, decaying armchair Leo was sitting in, looking down on him. Nothing miraculous had happened overnight, he hadn’t changed. Raph wasn't sure what he’d expected to be honest. Nothing had changed over the last 6 months so why would it now? Leo’s eyes settled on him. Raph let out a small breath, praying Leo hadn’t heard it.

‘’Raphael, I trust Donatello has told you you’re duties for today?’’ Leo said flatly, his face unchanging.

‘’Duties? He told me about the supply run but nothing else.’’ Raph said, trying to keep the air of annoyance out of his voice but, as per usual, failing.

‘’Your duties are not only your supply run, but there’s a break in our defences. I want you to take Casey with you to check it out and make sure there’s no infected inside the barricade. Then fix it.’’

‘’That’s a four-man job, Casey and me can’t do that alone I-’’ Leo cut him off with a stern glance. He knew what would happen if he continued like this, so he shut his mouth, ‘’Fine.’’ Clenching his fists, he walked out, making sure to not slam anything. He knew what would happen if he did, and he didn’t feel like facing that punishment again.

Raph walked to Caseys room and poked his head around the hung blanket that served as a door.

‘’Case? You up?’’ Raph said, stepping into his friend’s room.

‘’I am now. What’s up?’’ Casey said with a yawn stretching his arms out.

‘’I gotta go on a supply run and Leo wants you to help me fix some ‘hole in our defences, ’’’ Raph said mockingly.

‘’So you want me on your run too?’’

‘’Possibly.’’

‘’Shoulda just said so bestie!’’ Casey said, jumping up from his mattress on the floor. Raph groaned and rolled his eyes.

‘’Stop it. We gotta go soon or Leo will throw a tantrum,’’ Casey winced. He knew what Leo could be like if he got mad and didn’t want to be on the receiving end of another ‘’tantrum’’ as Raph put it. Raph saw Casey’s calm and fun demeanor deflate before his eyes and he felt his own disappear too. That's what happens when your older brother is a tyrant he supposed.

‘’You got it,’’ He replied, beginning to pull on his own protective gear over his muddied and bloodied clothes.

Once they got to the surface, they breathed in the fresh air. Raph had to admit, a zombie apocalypse wasn’t ideal, but the pollution levels were lower than ever. The air smelt so… clean and that’s one thing he never thought he’d say that in New York.

It’d been 6 months since the world had been overrun by the infected, and 3 since the hierarchy had been ‘established’. By established, he meant enforced. Leo was at the top, then Donnie and April, then it was Mikey and Casey. Last but most certainly least it was him. Something had changed in Leo in the last 6 months and Raph didn’t like it, not only because it meant he was the one having to risk his life for the rest of them, but also because he just wanted his big brother back. The big brother that could take a joke and care about him, even if he was a complete ass sometimes. The big brother that had his back, no matter what. The big brother he once had once known though, was gone. He let out a sigh, one that didn’t go unnoticed by Casey.

‘’What’s on your mind man?’’ Casey said, slinging his splintering bat over his shoulder.

‘’I don’t know. Just fuckin’... Leo man. He’s so up himself but I’m genuinely worried. This entire thing is getting to his head seriously. You’ve seen how he’s been? On top of that, he’s been such an ass to me. It’s always me doing supply runs and me risking my shell just to get some more stuff for everyone. It’s not even like we need it! We have plenty in the sewer. Besides, I don’t think he even cares that much. He’s so cold I just… I miss my brother ya know man?’’ Raph lowered his head, refusing to let this moment of emotion overtake him.

‘’I know dude,’’ Casey said, looking away too, ‘’I just… it’s hard. I don’t even know if my sister is still alive. Well to an extent. What if someone… you know. Same with my dad. Gotta admit, this whole zombie apocalypse thing totally blows a lot more than the movies and tv shows made it look.’’ He wiped his gloved hand over his eyes, sniffing slightly. Raph looked over, his face falling.

‘’Hey man, c’mon,’’ He said softly, wrapping his arm around his friend’s shoulder, ‘’I’m sure they’re fine. We’ll find them and save them, no matter what. Donnie’s working night and day on the cure and has been for months, it can’t be long now until he has it working!’’ Raph said encouragingly, shaking Casey a little. He let out a small, less enthusiastic laugh.

‘’Yeah I hope so,’’ He looked up and smiled at Raph, something behind him catching his attention, ‘’Hey we’re here,’’ he said, pointing over his shoulder to the small corner store. They were surprised it hadn’t been hit initially, considering how open and obvious it was, but to be honest, they weren’t complaining.

‘’What do we even need anyway?’’ Casey said, pushing open the door.

‘’Shit if I know. I think we’re running low on some first aid stuff so we could just grab some of that. We could also grab some more luxury stuff like candy or something.’’

‘’Ooo yeah sure. Sounds good. April was saying she was getting bored, I’ll see if they have any stationary stuff. Then D was saying he needed more coffee so I’ll get that too. Anything you want me to grab you Raph?’’ Raph thought for a second before replying.

‘’Nah I’m good. I was gonna get Mikey some gummy bears or something so I’ll see if they have anything good.’’

‘’Suit yourself,’’ Casey said, crossing his arms behind his head and scanning the shelves with his eyes, looking for what he wanted.

Raph walked over to the register and looked behind it, his eyes wandering to a jar full of gummy animals. Mikey would love that. He walked behind the register and snagged it from the shelf, tucking it safely into the bag slung over his shoulder.

Suddenly, a noise came from the backroom. Something… falling? He looked over at Casey to see if he’d heard it too. The panicked look on his face told him everything. Raph motioned for him to be quiet as he pulled his sai from their position at his waist and slowly walked towards the closed wooden door. Twisting the handle ever so slowly, he peeked in, scanning the darkroom for signs of movement. Raph smirked and turned out, looking at Casey.

‘’All clear. I think we’re going stir-’’ Raph was cut off as he was yanked back into the darkness, only able to let out a small yelp before he came crashing to the ground.

‘’Raph!’’ Casey yelled, taking a running jump and throwing himself over the counter towards the door, pulling it open all the way.

‘’Get off me you freak!’’ Raph yelled, pushing the infected away with all his might, but it was persistent, snapping and lurching towards him. Casey swung his bat in a downward arch, pushing it further towards Raph.

‘’Dude! Away from me! Not towards you dumbass!’’ Raph screamed, pushing the creature back off him as it clawed and lurched forward again, taking him by surprise. He let out a yelp as he pushed it back again.

‘’Sorry man!’’ Casey shouted back, this time using his bat to scoop the thing off his friend, throwing it into a corner and beginning to bash its already decaying head in.

‘’You ok Raph?’’ Casey asked, looking over his friend before taking his hand and helping him back to his feet.

‘’Yeah,’’ He said, gulping air down, ‘’I’m alright.’’

‘’You didn’t get bit or scratched or anything?’’ Casey said cautiously, his eyes scanning Raph cautiously, taking a couple steps back.

‘’Not that I know of. He had a good go at it though, I’ll give him that.’’ Casey snorted, slinging his bat back into his backpack.

‘’Let’s just get what we need and get out of here. Probably attracted more with your girly screaming.’’

‘’Who are you calling girly Jones? You screamed way more than I did,’’ Raph said, punching Casey on the shoulder.

‘’We’ll call it even.’’

‘’Shit! The gummies! I hope I didn’t smash the jar when I fell back. Mikey’d love those,’’ Raph said, pulling his backpack around his body and opening it, checking the jar was fine.

‘’I just gotta grab Red something. I’ve got the coffee and stuff so we should be good to go.’’

‘’Yeah. I’ll probably grab some chocolate or something. See if Leo wants any.’’ Raph walked over to the chocolate selection on the counter. Though sparse, there were some decent choices. Grabbing a couple of crunchie bars and snickers, he stashed them away in his bag and checked he had everything. Only his sai where missing. He must’ve dropped them when he was attacked. Jumping the counter, he swung the door open again and saw them in the middle of the floor, the once cleanly wrapped handles decaying, the perfect shiny metal scuffed and marked, on the verge of rusting. He sighed and picked them up, looking back over at the zombie that lay on the floor, its brain splattered on the tiles. The grey-green skin was eerie but… so human. Raph wondered if he had been the owner of the store before all this. Most of his lower body was gone, it seemed to cut off just above his pelvis. It was nearly disturbing… but after 6 months of this, you get desensitised to the excessive violence.

‘’You ok man?’’ Casey said behind him, startling him out of his thoughts.

‘’Yeah. I'm good. Lets… just go home.’’ 

[meganshinsou-tm]

Shared Walls. (m)

↳ chapter sixteen: rei todoroki

❧ genre: pro-hero shouto, coworkers to lovers, happy ending

❧ chapter warnings: meet the family, stalking, thoughts/plans of sexual assault

[multi-chap masterlist] [previous chapter - next chapter]

You walked around the flower shop arm in arm with Shouto, humming as you took in a deep inhale and literally smelled the flowers. For it to be so gloomy, wet and cold outside, the inside of the shop looked like a completely different world. It was so colorful and beautiful.

"There they are, over here," Shouto's monotone voice spoke out.

You looked up at him and he was looking straight ahead, your eyes followed his towards a batch of royal blue flowers. The buds seemed somewhat small but they were extremely vivid and stunning. You let go of your half and half boyfriend as he sorted through the numerous small bouquets, only selecting the most pristine and perfect one. He turned to you holding them in his hands gently and smiled at you.

"These are her favorite and this is the only shop that has them year round. It's been quite a while since I've went and seen my mother but I'm sure this will make up for it."

You smiled back and placed a hand to his cheek, "Shouto I'm sure just seeing your face will make her happy."

Todoroki nodded and took your hand from his face, interlocking your fingers together as he leaned in closer and placed a kiss to your forehead. The two of you made your way to the checkout counter and he paid for the flowers. The cashier placed them in a small and simple vase that Shouto picked out that they adorned with a matching blue ribbon.The hero thanked the cashier and you both set off out the door and towards the train station. Once on the train Shouto took a seat by the window and you sat next to him, taking the vase from his hands so he could wrap an arm around you.

Your fingers delicately touched the petals, making sure not cause any damage or imperfections to them. As the train took off the knots in your stomach would become tighter and tighter the closer the two of you got to your destination. To say you were nervous was an understatement. Soon, you'd be meeting Rei Todoroki, one of the most important people in Shouto's life. You've only seen pictures of her around his apartment, other than that your boyfriend hasn't told you much about her but that she lives at one of the most prestigious psychiatric centers around. Why, you didn't know but you didn't ask, Shouto would tell you sooner or later and you'd listen. Apparently Shouto and Enji have been trying to get her out since Shouto graduated high school but Rei kindly declines them each time.

Before meeting you, Todoroki would spend most of his free time with her, of course you felt somewhat guilty that he hadn't seen her much in the past month all because of you. This had you scared of what the woman would think of you, would she resent you for taking her son away? You could feel your own skin starting to pale as you felt nauseous. This was something totally new to you. Being with Lucas, you were secluded from your once very close family and you never saw much of his own family so the whole ‘meet my mom’ ordeal was a huge step.

Todoroki looked down and saw your hands gripping the vase of flowers tightly, his eyes skimmed your face from the side and he could tell your were chewing on your lip and inside of your cheek alternately. His hand around you came up to cup the side of your face so he could kiss the top of your head and reassuringly pet your hair.

"Stop working yourself up (Y/N), there's nothing to be worried about," Shouto softly cooed to you.

You let out and sigh and tried to nod with a determined look but the hero wasn't buying it. He took the flowers from your hands and placed them snugly in his bag on the floor so they wouldn't tip over. He ordered you to turn in the seat and look at him, you complied and tucked a leg under you, turning sideways in the seat to face him. He did the same and took your hands in his and gave you a soft smile.

"Are you afraid she won't like you?"

"Sort of ... you've been spending all your free time worried about me ever since I got here and I've been keeping you from her. What if we get there and she realizes the reasons you've been so wrapped up in me. What if she thinks I'm not good enough for you Shouto? You come from such a powerful family and I'm –"

"And you're just as powerful, if not more! You may not have a quirk (Y/N), but that doesn't mean a damn thing. Being the way you are, you have to learn to fight harder than those of us with quirks, which actually wouldn't be a bad thing for you to consider. But, you even accepted death with welcome arms if that meant keeping me safe. Putting others before yourself is the definition of a hero, and you don't have to have magical powers to be one. My mother will love you (Y/N), mostly because you make me happy and because I love you."

Your eyes looked at the blue and grey ones before you, they were full of admiration and love, not just now but all the time. Even though his words held a lot of meaning, you still couldn't help but think that Shouto could do better than you, how did fate pair you up with him? The most powerful pro-hero of his time in love with a simple and quirkless woman.

But it wasn't smart to question or go against fate, you'd have to suck it up and accept the beautiful blessing you've been given that was Shouto Todoroki, even with your self-doubt this was too good to turn down. Maybe it would last forever, maybe it wouldn't, but either way you'd ride this out with him as far as you could.

A genuine smile finally crossed your face and you nodded with a more convincing determined look this time. "Thank you Shouto, for everything. This is all new, so just bear with me."

Todoroki nodded and leaned forward, placing a hand under your chin and pulling you towards him. Your lips barely brushed and he chuckled as you clearly were aching to close the distance. Finally, he did it himself and placed a warm tender kiss to your lips. You literally melted into him with a delighted hum as you kissed back, the knots in your stomach being untangled and replaced with butterflies. When he broke the kiss you resumed your original positions in your seat and laid your head on his chest as he wrapped an arm around you, rubbing your shoulder up and down. Finally you were calm and at peace, enjoying the rest of the train ride, with Shouto by your side everything would be perfectly fine.

"Oh, you'll be meeting my siblings as well."

"Pardon?"

"(Y/N), if you don't get over here right now I'm not taking you out to eat once we leave!"

Shouto pointed from you to the floor in front of the room door his mother was in. He was trying so hard not to crack a smile and to be serious but you were so cute to him with your over-dramatic tendencies.

"Roki this isn't fair, you didn't tell me I'd be meeting the whole damn family!"

Shouto rolled his eyes and took a long and quick step towards you and grabbed your wrist, tugging you towards the door. You fought as hard as you could, your feet dragging on the floor as he pulled you. The two of you were trying to be quiet with your giggles and snorts. He finally had enough of taking it easy and pulled you roughly into his arms, his soft bi-colored tips of hair tickling your skin as he nuzzled your neck from behind.

"You've met my father, he's the scariest of them all and somehow you managed to 'butter him up' in minutes. The rest of them are easy! Now come. On." He grunted dragging you to the door and knocking on it.

You froze instantly and he stood your body up straight and took the vase of flowers from his bag to place in your hands in a matter of seconds. You swallowed harshly as he stood behind you and placed his hands on your shoulders.

"Wait, you are going to feed me after this right," you asked turning your head to look at him with a serious face.

He snorted and pinched your cheek saying how hopeless you were sometimes, making you both giggle as the door was being opened. The sound of a shocked gasp made the both of you turn your heads and look to see a woman wearing glasses whose hair was white with random red specks, she was adorable! She immediately smiled and it made you smile in return.

"Aww, aren't you two the cutest couple ever," she squealed.

Shouto sighed and slightly released you from his hold, he now stood next to you with an arm around your shoulder and he motioned towards the girl.

"(Y/N), this is my sister Fuyumi. Fuyumi, this is my (Y/N) – I mean this is my girlfriend (Y/N)."

You chuckled and placed a hand on Shouto's cheek, apparently he was starting to get nervous too. Todoroki gave you a soft smile and suddenly you were yanked by the elbow away from him, the vase in your hands being snatched as well. Your head snapped around to see Fuyumi dragging you now towards the center of the room, she pulled you around and placed your body in front of her.

Your eyes landed on a male with white spiky hair and only a few subtle red streaks and a big friendly smile on his face. He was just as gorgeous as Shouto, so far the whole family was unbelievably stunning. You looked over to see another woman, her hair was completely white and she looked so serene and ethereal, it was the woman you've only seen in pictures, Todoroki's mother. You suddenly started to feel a small bit of panic rise being surrounded by everyone.

Before your panic became visible you felt a cool hand grabbing yours and you looked to see Shouto quickly at your side. He nodded as if telling you everything was okay now and you calmed down. Shouto looked forward and smiled at his mother, she smiled back happily and stood from the nook she sat on and walked towards the two of you. Shouto let go of your hand momentarily to give her a loving hug that lingered for a moment, once it broke he took your hand again.

"Mom, this is (Y/N). (Y/N), this is my mother Rei," he smiled while introducing the two of you.

Rei looked at you with a smile and you returned it, bowing your head at her. You weren't entirely sure how introductions worked in Japan, you've only watched movies and in most of them everyone bowed, right? In America everyone shook hands and hugged, it didn't matter if you just met but you didn't want to do that and it end up being a terrible mistake. As your head was still bowed you felt cool hands on your cheeks making you look up. Grey eyes sparkled at you, the same grey of Shouto's and they held a familiar look in them. As you stared back at her, your (e/c) hues softened and smiled.

She hummed quietly and bushed your cheek with her thumb, "I can see why she makes you so happy. I'm sorry if this is too forward, you're just the first girl Shouto has ever brought to see me."

"Oh, no ma'am it's perfectly fine. I don't really know what's normal or not with introductions here, you could stomp on my foot and I'd totally accept it as a proper 'hello'," you sheepishly chuckled suddenly feeling stupid.

Rei giggled and your worries washed away. Once she released you, you were captured into big bear hug from behind that lifted you off the ground causing a yelp to escape your lips. Shouto groaned and rolled his eyes as he took his bag off his shoulder and placed it on a counter. After a few seconds your feet were back on the ground and you were turned around, it was the other male that seemed to give you such an energetic and warm hug.

"Hi there! I'm Natsuo, but you can call me Natsu if you want! I'm Shouto's big brother!"

"You're a big idiot," Shouto replied casually.

He took the vase of flowers from his sister and went to sit them down in front of the window before going to his mom on the couch and watched as Natsuo grilled you with random questions. You liked Natsuo instantly, he was the polar opposite of Shouto. Very carefree and friendly, kind of loud but he was funny. He definitely gave off a jock vibe but a cool jock. Fuyumi also joined in, asking where you were from and all the basic stuff. You could she was extremely sweet and friendly as well, kind of preppy and nerdy. They were both polar opposites of Shouto, it was humorous.

Rei and Shouto smiled at how quickly the two were taking to you and how you were suddenly not finding yourself nervous anymore. A few laughs came from your small group and your lover could fell his heart overflowing. He knew his family would adore you no matter what but he did have a tiny bit of nervousness as well being you were the first serious girlfriend he ever brought around. Other girls he just merely dated a few times or had one night stands, they never meant a thing to him but you, you meant the entire world and more.

Rei took Shouto's hand and squeezed it, making him look at her. She smiled at him and he smiled back, a silent sign that she approved of the woman he had fallen for.

"Does she know," she asked turning to look at you with a somber expression.

"Not yet, she hasn't asked. I don't know how to bring it up and I think I'm just scared. .. that after she knows then she'll see everyone differently," his last words were shaky.

Rei looked at her son and placed a hand on his cheek, "If anyone should be scared it should be me but ... I don't see (Y/N) being the type to let past experiences shape her opinion of people. From what you've told me she's been through a lot."

"She has, you know she has her own scars and on the same side as me. She tells me it's the reason she believes in things like 'fate' now and I can't help but feel the same," Shouto smiled and looked at you.

"Ah, I like her even more now. You've awakened something in each other and it's really beautiful. I've only ever dreamed that you and your siblings would find a love like this, something - unexpected! The two of you have already gone through so much together and with you being a pro, things will get bumpy but you've been through the ringer already so it'll be nothing you can't handle. But Shouto, promise me, you'll tell her soon. There's no need to keep this side of us from her, I'm sure she'll be shocked at first but if you can accept her scars and how they came to be then I know she can do the same for you."

Shouto looked at him mom and nodded, he leaned over and kissed her head. "I promise mother."

The entire visit went well, you talked with everyone and they learned more about you. Rei would ask you questions as well or make small talk, wanting to learn more about your dreams or hobbies in particular. Shouto couldn't keep his mouth shut and let everyone know how you sang a lot and that it was his favorite thing about you. They all begged you to sing but you had to decline, Fuyumi begged that you all go out to karaoke one night as a compromise and you couldn't help but say yes to her. After a couple of hours, everyone slowly started to be on their way. You and Shouto were last to leave.

It warmed your heart to see how much Todoroki loved and adored his mother, the way he looked at her and hugged her. You could tell that seeing her son was the highlight of Rei's day. Before you left she made Shouto promise to bring you around more often and she thanked you for the flowers and for making her son so happy.

"I've never seen him genuinely smile and laugh the way he does now and I know it's all to do with you. You two are beautiful together and I'll miss you both," she softly said before you both hugged her goodbye and were out the door.

Once out of the building completely you and Shouto made your way to the station again hand in hand. You didn't talk much on your walk but no words were really needed, it was nice how you were so comfortable with each other to just share silence together and still be utterly happy.

The sun was getting lower and the air was getting chillier. When you got to the station a gust of wind blew that made you shudder. Shouto was quick to pull your back flush to his chest and wrap his arms around you, his chin resting on your head as you waited for a train together. He slightly activated his left side and quickly your entire body was warm and toasty. Your hands hung from his arms and you kissed them.

"Having you for a boyfriend is very practical," you giggled.

Shouto kissed the top of your head and smiled, "I like to think you love me for more than just my quirk sweetheart."

"Oh I do, I also love you because you're taking me to get food right now, right?"

"You know, I've never wanted to choke someone before," he teased, slowly tightening his arms around your neck.

"Oh Shouto, don't start something you can't finish!"

You chuckled and pressed yourself into him, exposing your neck, practically begging for him to choke you. Shouto blinked in shock, he could feel heat engulfing his body as you teasingly shimmied against him, puffs of steam escaping his lips.

He chuckled, low and husky and dragged his teeth down your ear. "We may need to pick something up to go."

From the shadows Dabi watched you and Shouto waiting. The glow of the end of a cigarette and the gleaming of his white teeth grinning was all that could be seen down the dark alleyway. For once he wasn't following you, just happened to stumble upon the two of you while he prowled the city. Night was the only time he went out in more populated areas.

You were definitely a sight to behold, dressed in tight jeans that hugged to every plump curve of your body. If it weren't for the coat you wore Dabi would've been able to also see how fantastic your ass probably looked. You were wearing a sweater again but it was fitted and showed off the size of your breasts making him lick his lips. He quirked a brow seeing the interaction going on between you and Shouto, you were teasing him at the moment and indirectly teasing Dabi.

"Lucky bastard."

The villain wondered if you cracked and told Shouto of your meeting with him. Whether you did or not, he didn't really care. If Todoroki wanted to come for him, Dabi would let him.

To be honest he wasn't even after a fight with the guy, his main goal right now was to follow you more, learn the ins and outs of your day and plan his next move on you. He couldn't decide if he wanted to enlist the help of someone with a specific quirk or drug that would make you insatiable for a few hours or if he wanted to just have you unraveling beneath him and begging for it to stop.

Dabi also was on the fence about if he wanted you to remember it all or not. It was obvious how head over heels you were for Todoroki and that would make you resist him even more because your feelings were involved and you'd be dramatic about hurting the hero, so using some kind of mind quirk or drug just for a bit would make things easier on him. Dabi could give two shits less about if you remembered anything or not he just wanted to do the filthiest things to you and he always got what he wanted. You were just a toy he wanted to play with, the league was boring lately and he needed entertainment in his life.

Dabi imagined stealing you away for one night, making sure you were completely spent and then dropping you back off right in front of Shouto's door, used up and sore from him. The power he would feel from defiling the one precious and pristine thing in Todoroki's life. After that he'd be moving on with his own life, leaving you in the past like nothing.

A train pulled into the station and you seemed to perk up, Shouto released you from his hold except for one of your hands. As you went to walk to the train he tugged you back, cupping your flustered and soft face in his hands before planting a heated kiss on your lips. Dabi smirked and took one last drag of his cigarette and flicked it somewhere into the darkness, shoving his hands in his coat pockets as he walked away from the scene.

"Disgusting."

[theworldofsisi]

Pretty (Finding Balance) 2

There was alcohol on his breath, and he was sure that it must have permeated the air around him like a stinking, suffocating cloud. He hadn't meant to drink that much because he knew that if had taken too much or his bandmate's liquor from his cabinet, he would find out and skin him alive.

That hadn't stopped him from completely losing control and cleaning the cabinet out of whatever was in it while the dorm was otherwise silent as the other members slept in relative peace. Ren had been left alone, his emotions in a tidal wave - he didn't know if he was sad or unfeeling, and honestly, he hadn't been able to find it in himself enough to care.

He had known that they had practice the next morning, but the rational part of him had been outweighed by the part of him that needed a quick fix to his pain, to forget all of the suffering he had been put through in the weeks past. And now here he was, sitting in the cramped and hot company van, on his way to practice with an ungodly hangover.

His head pounded like a bass drum and he felt nauseous, but he had still tried to eat breakfast so that he could at least appear like he was okay. He was able to hold it down until they started practicing, and the loud music, heat, and demanding dance moves unsettled his stomach and he found himself on his knees, heaving the contents of his stomach up onto the hardwood floor.

He held his hand up to stop the worried members from approaching him. Aron met his gaze when he was finished and sighed. “Ren, you're not sick. You're hungover, aren't you?”

“I had a little bit to drink last night.”

“A little bit? You cleaned out my entire fucking cabinet.”

Ren looked away and Aron shook his head. “I'm not mad about the liquor - I can buy more. I'm worried about you, Minki. I know you're smarter than that. There's no way in hell that you thought it was a good idea to get drunk knowing that we had practice the next morning.”

“I didn't get drunk on purpose.”

“Yeah, well what did you think would happen?”

“I don't know! I wasn't thinking, okay? Don't act like you've never showed up to practice hungover.”

“I didn't say that I haven't. Believe me, I know how many times I've done it. But you're also not me. You're more rational, hell more careful than me. That's why I'm concerned - it's normal for me, and unheard of from you.”

“There's a first for everything, right?” Ren knew that it was a petty move, but it was the only thing that he had left. He knew the comment had done its ob when Aron let out a long suffering sigh and turned his back to Ren. JR stepped forward, his leader mode activated.

“Arguing won't do anything to fix the problem now. I'll go tell the manager that we need to take you home.”

“No way! This will be the second time that we've called off practice early because of me in the last month.”

“Ren.” JR's voice was stern - he only used that tone of voice when there would be absolutely no bargaining with him. “Can you practice like this without puking across more of the floor?”

“Probably not.” Ren's words were seconded when his stomach gave another lurch and his hand flew to his mouth. He closed his eyes until the wave of nausea passed before meeting JR's gaze again.

“I thought so. We're going home, and that's final.”

An hour later, JR had gotten Ren back in the bed to sleep off the rest of his hangover and had situated himself on the couch. The leader was biting his lip as he scrolled through the contacts on his phone until the name that he was looking for popped up - Seong. He clicked her name and placed the speaker against his ear, his heart racing in his chest as he waited for her to pick up. It got to the third ring and he began to think that she wasn't going to pick up until the ringing stopped.

“Hello?” The voice on the other end was snippy and tired sounding, and JR began to wonder if he had woken her up. Shit - just what he needed to make this conversation even more awkward.

“This is JR. I know that I'm probably the last person that you want to talk to right now, but I really need you to hear me out. It'.s about Minki.”

“I don't want to talk about him.”

“I figured that much. But if you ever cared about him, and I know that you did, you'll listen. He went to practice drunk this morning.”

“He doesn't drink.”

“Not normally, no. Bu since you broke up with him, it's become a regular habit of his, but he hadn't managed to get drunk yet. He didn't care, Seong. He knew that we had practice today, but he still got drunk. Does that sound like the person you know?”

“I don't know the same person as you do, so I really couldn't say.”

“When will you wrap your head around the fact that he's both Ren and Minki? They're the same person, they just act differently. You know that he doesn't like drinking very much, whoever the hell you think he really is.”

Seong had a sarcastic comment on the tip of her tongue, but she felt it slip away when she heard the genuine concern in JR's face. It was now obvious to her that he was seriously worried about the possible implications of Ren getting drunk meant. Even then, she knew what he wanted her to do, but she couldn't bring herself to see Ren - not yet, not when his betrayal was still fresh in her mind. “I think I know what you're about to suggest, but I can't. I can't see him yet. You have to give me time. It still hurts too much to think about him, let alone see him.”

JR took a deep breath. He had been expecting the answer, but that didn't lessen the disappointment that he felt at actually getting it. “Yeah, I thought so. Thanks anyway.” T

“Hey JR?”

“Hm?”

“Try and take care of him? I.. couldn't live with myself if something actually happened to him.”

“I'll try my best.”

Ren stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at his long hair in distaste. He was getting tired of losing so much hair in the shower and clogging the drain, and waking up to find so much hair on his pillow that it looked like a cat had died. He knew that wasn't the only reason that he had the scissors in his hand, but he wanted to believe that this was completely his choice and just some simple change of fashion.

His hand was really guided by his desire to end the comments about his gender. While most of the comments about his sexuality had abated since he hadn't posted any more pictures with Seong, the rumors about his gender had gotten to the point that he couldn't go outside without someone recognizing him and asking him if he was really male. It was driving him crazy, and he hated feeling like he couldn't be himself, but if cutting his hair would make the comments end, then he would try anything at this point.

He grabbed one side of his hair and sighed deeply as he snipped it. The hair fell into the sink. He did the same with the other side until his hair was a good few inches shorter than it had been. It still was by no means short, but it wasn't as long either. He looked a little bit more masculine with his hair cut to his jaw, and surprisingly, he found the feeling empowering. He could choose to look more feminine or masculine just by making a simple change to his hairstyle.

He wasn't done yet. He couldn't stand to change his hairstyle without changing the color as well. He brushed his newly cut hair through with a brush, then opened the box of brown hair dye. He didn't even have to read the directions - he had dyed his hair enough in his career to know exactly what he was supposed to do.

Fifteen minutes later, he was in the shower washing out the dye. He watched as it whirled down the drain in a cloudy brown tidal wave. When the water began running clear, he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. His mind wandered back to the last time that he had dyed his hair and ruined Seong's towel - he had never apologized for ruining another one. She was sure to have found it and gotten appropriately angry by this point, and he wasn't there to promise to buy her another set to make up for it. The realization made his chest tighten and he closed his eyes against the tears pricking behind his closed eyelids.

With a sigh walked towards the mirror and stared at his handiwork. His hair was disheveled from being wet and freshly washed, but he could already see a difference in the shade of his hair despite the wetness. He smiled slightly as he collected the hair that he had cut from the sink and threw it into the trash.

He then proceeded to step two of his plan and got dressed in his favorite all black outfit. He did his makeup quickly, making sure to go light on the color of his lips and the darkness of his eyeliner, opting to use nude colors. He succeeded in making himself look more like a guy, and that made him happy.

He grabbed his phone and snapped a few photos of himself doing different poses and posted one to twitter. He didn't know what he was trying to prove, but he wanted to see if people still said the same things that they did when his hair was longer. He wasn't sure how much of a change cutting his hair would cause, but there had to be some improvement, right?

Ren couldn't have been more wrong. Within minutes, there were comments on his pictures that made his heart sink lower than it already had if that were possible. Some of the comments were worse than they had been before. It took everything he had not to throw his phone against the wall and watch it shatter into thousands of pieces, just like his sanity.

He couldn't please anybody, so maybe there really was no point in trying.

Ren didn't know why he wanted to go home, but he did. There was something comforting about the thought of being hugged by his mother, to hear her tell him that it would be okay. JR had managed to get the okay from the manager and company director to let Ren have a break. The leader had been worried about Ren going on his own, but he had managed to assure him that he would be perfectly okay to get back home on his own.

He had decided to take the bus route to Busan. It would take a little bit longer than driving would, but it would give him more time to think. Rather than thinking, he ended up falling asleep until the bus driver announced that they had arrived in Busan. He had kind of defeated the purpose of not driving, but if he had fallen asleep on the noisy bus, he didn't want to think about what could have happened if had chosen to drive instead.

He quickly exited the bus and made the short walk through the familiar streets of Busan until he came to his childhood home. He smiled when he realized that it was exactly the same - his dad was supposed to fix the broken step, but when Ren got to it, he felt it almost give under his weight and jumped up to the next stair quickly.

He threw open the front door and took one step inside. His mom was sitting on the couch and she smiled when she saw him. She stood up quickly when she saw her son and wrapped him in a firm embrace. “Minki, its so good to have you home, even if you're only here for a few days.” She took a step back to appraise him and bit her lip when she noticed how he looked. “You look... very pretty, son.”

“Do you have a problem with how I look?”

“You look a little bit like a girl. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm afraid that it might make people.. wonder about you.”

Ren sighed. Somehow his mom had hit the nail on the head. “Yeah, you really have no idea, mom.”

His mom cast him a sympathetic look and kissed his cheek. “Your father might say something, but I still love you however you look, as long as you're happy.”

Ren nodded and smiled genuinely for the first time since Seong had broken up with him. “Thanks, mom.”

“It's not a problem Minnie. Now how are you and Seong?” Ren's face fell, and his mother released a long sigh. “You're not together anymore, are you?”

“We broke up about three weeks ago. There was a really stupid rumor about me, and for some reason, she believed it and she broke up with me.”

“You loved each other so much. Didn't you at least try to reason with her?”

“Of course I did, but she wouldn't listen. I haven't spoken to her since.”

“Do you want me to call her?”

"No. If she wanted to talk, she would have called me already. Will you please drop it?"

His mom gave him a sad smile but nodded anyway. "Sure. Have you eaten?" Ren paled and shook his head. His mother gave him a disapproving look. “You haven't been eating very much, have you?” She went straight to the kitchen and began preparing lunch for her son who smiled gratefully and sat on the living room couch. He soon fell asleep, and when the food was done, his mother simply sighed and covered him up with a blanket before planting a kiss on his cheek.

Ren awoke to the sound of his parents arguing, something entirely unusual in itself. He had only heard the two of them fight a handful of times during his entire childhood, and what made this time worse was that he heard continuous mentions of his name in his father's angry not quite yell. He rolled over onto his side and strained his ears to hear what his parents were saying. He managed to make out a few words, and none of them were reassuring.

“We had a son. We sent him off and he comes back looking like that - like some damn girl.” Ren's heart rose up into his throat as his mom yelled something back at his father, but he couldn't hear what she said over the roaring in his ears.

He felt physically sick and for a moment regretted not eating before falling asleep because he didn't have anything in his stomach to throw up. He had come home to his parents for consolation, and now here his father was talking about him while he thought that Ren was sleeping.

Ren heard more words being said, but he tuned them out as he buried his face into the couch cushion, fighting back the tears quickly springing to his eyes. He wouldn't cry - if his father felt like that about him, then he wasn't worth Ren's time. Crying over his father's opinions would prove that he cared, and he didn't care, did he?

When a choked sob escaped Ren's lips, he knew that he had answered his own question. He cared very much about what his father thought about him because he had always respected his father highly, despite his overly high expectations for his son. He had always known that his father had severe opinions when it came to how a man should look, but Ren had always thought that regardless of how he looked, his dad would never stop loving him. But that was what the fight sounded like it was over - how he was disappointed in him despite his growing success with Nu'Est. Ren could never be good enough to please him.

Fury and hurt spurred Ren into action as he stood up from the couch, causing the blanket his mother had covered him up with to fall onto the floor. He silently thanked his mother for her caring heart, then stormed into the kitchen where he heard his parents arguing. His father immediately stopped talking when he realized that Ren was awake, and his eyes bugged at the sight of his crying and obviously angry son.

“Minki.” he began, his voice shocked and almost... apologetic.

“Don't bother,” Ren said warningly as he wiped a hand across his face to brush away the tears. “I've been awake for awhile now, dad. I heard everything. I know what you really think about me, so don't worry. I'll find my way back to my dorm. Mom, I'll call you later. “

Without another glance back in his shocked parent's directions, Ren made his way out of the house, throwing the front door open as quickly as he could, not bothering to shut it. He got to the broken front step and jumped over it, not caring how hard he landed on the pavement below.

Ren hadn't realized that he was still crying until his eyesight was fogged up by the tears. He wiped them away furiously as he walked in a straight line away from his parent's house, not really sure where he was going but just knowing that he wanted to be anywhere but there.

He pulled out his phone and his fingers lingered over the one number that he didn't want to call, but knew that he had to. He wasn't even sure if she would pick up - it was late, and he knew that she had school the next day. But he still had to try.

The dial tone began ringing, and Ren's heart beat faster. He silently begged for her to pick up. A few seconds later, he heard a click and knew that his call had been picked up.

“Hello?” Came the sleep-tinged reply and Ren felt himself relax, even if just a little.

“It's Minki.” he muttered quietly, crying affecting the way his voice sounded.

“Are you crying?” he could hear the concern in Seong's voice, and it made something in his heart jump. She still cared about him, even if it was just about his well-being.

“Can you come and get me?” he knew that it was a bold request, but he needed her.

“Where are you?”

“Busan. I'll walk to the subway station. Can you meet me there?”

“I'll be there as soon as I can.”

Seong arrived at the subway station and found Ren leaning against a wall with his eyes closed. She touched his shoulder lightly, causing his eyes to flutter open. He gave her a weak smile and she led him to her car before shutting the door and getting in herself. He had fallen asleep with no explanation minutes later, and it was only then that she noticed how tired and worn he looked. His hair was also shorter and lighter, and she wondered when that had happened.

She drove him back to Nu'Est's dorm in a daze, the time seeming to pass by in a blur. She had called JR to tell him that she was bringing Ren home, and he had agreed to stay awake to let her in. Sure enough, when she pulled up to the dorm, the leader was sitting outside in a chair with his head laid against the house. He blinked his eyes open when the bright lights of Seong's car shone into his face.

He gave her a tiny smile as he opened the car door and pulled the still half asleep Ren into a standing position and led him to the dorm, turning back around to wave at Seong as she pulled away. With some effort, he managed to get Ren inside the dorm and into his bed before sighing and getting into his own. Worry filled his mind at what had caused Ren to come home after not even staying with his parents for a day and the look of pain that had been written clearly on his friend's face, even in sleep.

Ren awoke with dried tears on his face. He blinked the remaining moisture out of his eyes and sat up in bed, quickly realizing that he was in his room in Nu'Est's dorm, and not the living room of his parent's house. The memories of the night before came back to him in a rush, and more tears sprang to his eyes, but he fought them back.

With a sigh, he got out of bed and stumbled groggily to the bathroom. His hair was disheveled and his dark eyes puffy and tired looking, despite having just woken up. He ran a hand through his hair and winced as his father's comments ran through his brain again, causing a fresh wave of pain to course through his body.

He wasn't good enough to please Nu'Est's fans, hell he wasn't good enough to please his own parents. He really couldn't do anything right, so why should he keep trying? There wasn't a reason to keep fighting for approval, to keep caring what others thought if no matter what he did, he would never have been able to live up to the world's expectations for him.

A small laugh escaped him and he covered his mouth quickly, unsure of why he was laughing. It wasn't like him - the sound wasn't normal, and he wondered if he was beginning to have a mental breakdown. Huh, wouldn't that be great? He imagined the headlines for that one with a sarcastic smirk. 'Transvestite idol in a mental asylum after having a psychotic break' that would be just his luck, something more to ruin his already devastated reputation.

He laughed again against his will, a bit louder this time. At the same time, he realized that he was crying harder than he ever remembered crying before. He ran back to his room and dialed Seong's number, praying that she would be willing to talk to him again. He needed her to save him before he shattered into a billion pieces that could never be put back together.

“Minki, why do you keep calling me?” he hadn't even realized that she had picked up until he heard her angry voice on the other end.

“Seong, please. I need to talk to you - I know that I shouldn't be asking you because we're over, I know. But please give me a few minutes to talk to you. Just please.”

Seong was about to hang up, until she heard the desperation in his voice, and knew that he was crying. She had always had a weakness for him when he cried because it was so unusual for him to break down. “O-okay.” she agreed almost instantly.

“Meet me at the restaurant across from your apartment at seven.”

Seven o'clock rolled around quickly as Ren showered and changed into something presentable. He brushed his tangled hair, but didn't bother putting on makeup - he wasn't going out to please anyone. He just wanted to make things right. He'd been drinking for a few hours, once again “borrowing” some of Aron's liquor, this time not even caring if it was obvious that he had taken some. By this point, he wondered if his band-mate even cared. Why would anyone care about what someone like him did?

He was sure that he smelled like a drunk bum, but that was nothing that a bit of cologne couldn't fix. He squirted some of his favorite on his clothes, realizing as the scent wafted up to his nose that it was the one that Seong liked most on him as well. He smiled a little bit against his will before the cold reality hit him and he frowned again.

He checked his phone for the time, nearly dropping it as he read the time. It was already six forty-five, and he wasn't there. Ren walked quickly through the living room, not stopping to address the curious looks of his four hyungs as he walked by them. He was a man on a mission.

Ren arrived at the restaurant at 7:03, and saw Seong already sitting at the booth when he went inside the warm building. A waiter handed him a menu, and he ordered a salad, along with a bottle of soju. Seong gave him a distasteful look as she smelled his cologne from across the booth, mixed in with some other poorly masked but unmistakable scent.

“You've already been drinking tonight?” she asked quietly, and he just sighed.

“Yeah.”

“Why are you here, Minki?”

“I wanted to tell you that you were wrong. I've never kissed JR, I've never done anything with JR. He's my friend, like a brother to me.”

“How close you are to someone doesn't mean that those feelings can't turn into something else. Look at us - we were basically siblings, but we still ended up together.”

“Do you regret that we ended up together?”

“No. I regret that I put so much faith in you.”

Ren let out a tired breath. “You still believe that those pictures are real.”

“I don't know what I believe, Minki.” Seong was cut off by the waiter who gave them an apologetic smile as he set Ren's food out in front of him. Ren didn't bother eating, instead, he ended up grabbing the bottle and taking a long swig. He wasn't sure how much he had drank before coming to meet Seong, but he knew that he was definitely close to drunk already.

He continued to sip on the soju as Seong talked. Once half of the bottle was gone, he could barely comprehend her words, but it didn't frighten him. He enjoyed being numb - he couldn't think about all of the things that hurt him when he was like this.

The only thing that managed to break through the haze was the sound of cameras, many cameras snapping pictures, surrounding him and in his drunken state, making him feel trapped. He cast Seong a downcast glare, even though his vision doubled and suddenly there wasn't just one of her giving him a concerned look as her gaze darted from him and then around the small restaurant, seemingly searching for the source of the shutter noise.

Ren couldn't shake the feeling that it was all too damn convenient. He finally gets to the point that he needed Seong the most, and barely a few minutes into their meeting, it was being crashed by reporters. Somewhere in the back of his clouded mind he knew he was being irrational and jumping to conclusions, but that part wasn't dominant enough to quiet his fears.

Ren shook his head and cast his ex-girlfriend a look that he could only pray showcased the entire weight of betrayal and hurt he felt at her giving up his privacy like she so obviously had. He had trusted her despite their breakup, had trusted her because he had never known a time in his entire life that he hadn't trusted her. Clearly, that trust and their long past meant nothing to her if she had betrayed the one person that she promised to always be loyal to.

Seong wasn't inside of his head - she didn't understand the pointed looks that Minki was giving her, but at that moment, she realized that whatever pieces of her ex might have been left in the shell of him that becoming a member of Nu'Est had left him in, were gone and all that remained in his place was someone she didn't know at all.

Despite everything, despite the near hate-filled looks he was giving her, she knew that whatever happened, she couldn't let him out of her sight, lest he do something incredibly stupid. She watched him carefully as his brown eyes softened slightly, becoming more confused and frightened than angry. She realized that more of the alcohol must be taking effect and changing his judgment. She couldn't move in time as he cast her one final look, even though it didn't look like he saw her at all. He was out the door in an instant, like a startled cat trying to hide under a bed during a thunderstorm.

Only Ren wasn't running from a thunderstorm, he was running straight into the crowd of reporters that she knew all too well were waiting for him just outside of the restaurant's doors. Seong threw some money on the table, positive that it was entirely too much but not being able to find it in herself to care as the one she loved darted through the doors, obviously terrified and confused... lost even.

She ran in the direction that she hoped he had taken, ripping her arm away from a touchy reporter who tried to grab her for questioning about Ren. She was having none of it as she charged by the entire horde of people, desperate to catch up to Ren before he got into some sort of trouble. Ren stumbled blindly through the streets, no longer sure where he was or for that matter, who he was. The only thing that he could register was that he didn't feel normal. Whatever was going on with him was wrong. His vision should not be blurry, and the road sure as hell should not have looked like it was rushing to smack him in the face.

That's exactly what it did as Ren fell forward numbly, his stomach giving a lurch as he fell to his knees, expelling the contents of his stomach onto the pavement in front of him. A metallic scent filled the air, and in some quickly awakening part of his consciousness, he knew that he should not be coughing up blood. Blood was bad, and he could see even in the dim lighting that what he had thrown up was far more blood than alcohol.

Ren fell forward and vomited again, this time his vision going almost completely dark before slowly focusing again. He couldn't see through the tears in his gaze, the burning in his throat and the churning of his stomach causing him to roll as far away from the pile as possible before collapsing, too weak to move. He only hoped that he wouldn't have to throw up again because by that point he honestly wasn't sure whether or not he would have the strength to roll himself over so that he didn't suffocate.

A choked laugh that sounded more like a broken sob to his still hazy ears burst from his mouth as he realized fully the situation he had gotten himself into. He was in some alley god knows where throwing up blood. Using the last bit of his strength the singer reached into his back pocket for his phone, finally realizing how much his fingers were shaking as he tried to grasp the one thing that might be a lifeline to him.

He didn't know who he could call. The chances were that if something serious were wrong with him, none of the members of Nu'Est would be able to reach him in time to provide any sort of assistance. His mind wandered back to the one person who at this point in time, he really didn't want to see. Something in screamed that he should call emergency services, but he wasn't sure if he had enough strength to talk.

With Seong, it would be simple to alert her that something was wrong. Having known each other as long as they had, they had developed the makings of their own language at some point during their childhood. He wasn't sure anymore when it had started, but they had developed short words for important things, such as if one of them was in trouble and needed help.

He was sure that word would serve him well now as he typed their safe-word into his phone, fingers just barely managing to hit send before the shaking in his hand worsened and the phone fell from his grasp. His stomach continued to toss and he closed his eyes against overwhelming nausea, tears filling streaming from his eyes as he prayed that he would be able to keep it down. Moving was painful, but if he didn't move and he got sick, he would die.

He sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening that Seong would get to him in time and that he wouldn't die in that alley surrounded by his own vomit and God knows what else, crying alone having never made things right with the one person who despite her apparent betrayal, still meant the world to him.

Ren felt his vision blackening once again as the nauseous feeling that he had been experiencing reached an all-time high. He forced himself to roll over, not able to see where he was but having no time to think about it as he retched onto the pavement again, coughing and choking as he accidentally swallowed some of it. He managed to cough and spit it out before he asphyxiated, but the act caused the copper taste of blood to fill his mouth even stronger than before.

He slumped forward again, his head connecting with the pavement hard enough for him to see stars. He realized too late that he was passing out, the sudden injury to his head not even giving him enough time to make sure that he was rolled to a position where he wouldn't choke if he threw up again, before the darkness that he had been fighting finally took over. Silent tears trickled down his face as his world went black and he was aware no more.

Panic was one of the strongest human emotions. That much made itself well known to Seong as she frantically ran, covering more ground in those few minutes than she had covered in her entire life. She didn't know where Ren was, but she had a gut feeling that even in his drunken state, he had probably tried to go in the direction of Nu'Est's dorm. She could only pray that she was right, because if she wasn't, she was afraid that Ren was going to die. He had never used their word for help outside of the most extreme emergencies, and for the first time in at least five years, he had sent her a message with that very same word that instantly made her heart drop like lead into her already unsettled stomach.

She had already called for an ambulance, explaining to the woman on the other line that she was sure that someone was in trouble and would take full responsibility if it turned out to be a hoax. Deep in her heart she knew that it wasn't that simple. She told the rescuer that she would find where the injured person was and then call them back so that they could reach Ren.

Spurred by adrenaline, her feet pounded across the dark pavement until she found an alley. She had a fear of going into dark and shady looking places at night, but she would do it for Ren. She had always trusted her gut feeling, and at that moment it was telling her that Ren was there and that he needed her more than he ever had before.

The first thing that she noticed was the strong odor permeating the air of the alley. It smelled musty and uninviting like you would expect from a place where countless crimes had more than likely been committed, but that was overshadowed by a foul scent that made her stomach churn - she didn't have to guess that it was vomit. Vomit wasn't the only scent that caught her hyperaware attention - the unmistakable scent of blood hit her hard, and she stumbled forward blindly in the dark.

It was only then that she saw the crumpled heap lying on the ground, surrounded by puddles of what looked to be something red. Seong's heart broke when she noticed long black hair and she knelt down beside the collapsed figure, rolling him over so she could be sure that it was her Ren.

It was. A choked sob escaped her lips as she realized that her best friend and former boyfriend was deathly pale, his breathing shallow and labored. Not to mention that somewhere in her daze she had managed to place both scents together and knew that he had been vomiting blood.

She scooted behind him so that his head was in her lap. Trying to see through her tears she stroked his sweat drenched hair fondly, hoping to relax him some. His body stiffened as he coughed and she barely managed to turn him onto his side before more vomit splattered across the pavement. Seong rubbed his back carefully as she reached for her phone and called back the EMT. Her voice was low and dead sounding as she told them where they were. Ren retched again and more tears streamed from her eyes.

It felt like hours but it couldn't have been more than minutes when flashing red and blue lights assaulted her eyesight in the previous darkness of the alley. She barely registered it as someone pulled Ren off of her lap and wrapped her in a blanket before gently hauling her to her feet.

She's ushered into the ambulance, her spirit feeling like it's outside of her body. She briefly registers her informing the emergency personnel that Ren was an idol in a band and would need to be in a private room to avoid the publicity that she knew would severely damage Nu'Est's reputation. Her fingers seemed to act on their own accord as she dialed JR's number. She could barely understand his panic filled voice as she told him that Ren had been injured and was being transported to a hospital in Seoul. She hung up quickly, unable to handle the tears that she could already hear making the leader's voice deeper.

The only thing that broke into her haze was Ren, his dark brown eyes dazed and confused as he blinked them open and instantly reached for Seong's hand. She held it tightly, her heart breaking at how completely weak that his hold on her hand was. It killed her seeing him like this, but before she could find the words to apologize, he was saying the words that she wanted to say to him, his voice desperate and pleading despite obviously having no strength to be convincing. She had no idea what he was talking about, and could only attribute it to his drunken delirium and loss of blood causing him to say things that made absolutely no sense. She was the one who needed to apologize, for breaking his heart and leading him down a dark path that she hadn't even known that he had been traveling on ever since their sudden breakup.

Her earlier adrenaline began to wear off and she finally felt the full weight of the situation. Because she had jumped to conclusions and immediately assumed that Ren had been cheating on her without giving him a chance to explain, here he was in an ambulance, pale and very sick. His eyes were glazed as he fought to keep them open, to keep holding Seong's gaze. It was a losing battle, that much was obvious as his grip on Seong's wrist became even slacker.

Wanting to keep her hold on his hand, Seong tightened her own grip and it was only then that she realized how cold that his hand felt. There was no heat radiating from his body - it was like he was already dead. One of the EMT's working to stabilize Ren paused for a moment and cast her a sympathetic look. “He's freezing. The vomiting and loss of consciousness, as well as the lack of body heat, are all symptoms of alcohol poisoning. That's my guess as to what's wrong with him, but the doctor will have to professionally diagnose him. It's a good thing that you got to him when you did.”

Seong nodded, blinking back tears as she stroked Ren's cold hand. A few seconds later his eyes closed and her breath hitched in her throat. “Minki?”

The EMT put her fingers against Ren's neck, checking for a pulse. “He's alive, just unconscious.” The EMT gave Seong a curious look as something clicked in place. “You said he's an idol? I remember him now - Ren from Nu'Est, correct?”

“Yes.”

“This doesn't seem like something he would do at all - drinking himself to this point. I don't know him personally, but he's always seemed so bubbly and happy. I guess appearances can be deceiving.”

“He normally is happy. It's just that he's been going through some issues lately. Some “fans” of Nu'Est don't support his appearance and fan's opinions of him weigh heavily in his mind. And then... we broke up. This is really my fault - I knew what he was going through, but I still believed some stupid rumor. Of course, I still don't know if I'm convinced that it isn't true, but I didn't even give him a chance to explain. If I had, maybe he wouldn't have started drinking. He wouldn't be in this mess right now.” Seong didn't really know why she was spilling all of this information to the EMT, but she couldn't stop.

The woman gave her a gentle smile. “He seems like a fighter - I'm sure he'll pull through. You can let him explain everything first thing when he wakes up.”

Seong nodded and returned the smile, even though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

“He has alcohol poisoning. I'm guessing that he continued drinking even after he was drunk. Many lightweight people get drunk much faster than they expect so they continue drinking, not realizing that they're already drunk because the alcohol hasn't caught up with them. I'm also guessing that he didn't eat before he started the night. The prognosis is good, however. We're giving him an IV to prevent dehydration. He should regain consciousness in a few hours when some of the alcohol wears off.”

“Thank you, doctor.” The doctor gave Seong a knowing smile and nodded before walking out of the room and letting the door fall closed behind him. Seong laid her head on Ren's bed, feeling completely exhausted. She lifted it up after a moment and glanced across the room to where JR was sitting. The other members were in the lobby due to the hospital's two visitor at a time policy. JR had insisted on being the first one to visit.

The leader had his eyes closed, but Seong didn't have to guess that he wasn't asleep. He was probably just like her - wracked by worry and guilt, unable to sleep if his life depended on it. As if sensing Seong's gaze on him, JR opened his eyes and stared back before running a hand through his hair. “You alright?” he asked softly.

Seong shook her head in way of answer. “No. You?”

“Nope. I'm relieved to hear that he's okay, but I should have known that his problem was getting worse. It's my responsibility as the leader to know my members - to watch over them and know when something is wrong. Not that I didn't see it, I just didn't know what to do about it.”

“You knew what to do.” Seong felt like crying again when JR gave her a questioning look, so she proceeded with her guilty thoughts. “You tried to call me and tell me that something wasn't right with him, but I didn't care. I was too hurt and I refused to see him. If I hadn't been so hard-headed, we could have stopped this before it started. I'm.. sorry JR.”

Seong barely registered it as one minute JR was sitting on the couch, and the next minute he was standing in front of her, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Seong hugged JR back, unable to do anything else as tears streamed down her face. She could hear him whispering consolations to her, but she didn't want to hear them. After a moment, JR pulled away and looked her square in the eyes, his expression more serious than she ever remembered seeing it. “It's not your fault. Some people don't have anything better to do than try and make idols lives a living hell. It was only natural that you believed the rumor with everything else circulating.”

“I should have trusted him, though.”

“That's what you think, but that's why it hit you so hard. You trusted him too much and felt like he betrayed you. That's like a weapon of mass destruction and can tear apart any relationship. You reacted like anyone else would have, sadly it wasn't the reaction that Ren wanted.” JR gave her a concerned look before sighing. “You look like shit - sorry for being blunt. I'm going to go and update everyone about his condition. Try to get some sleep, will you?”

Seong nodded and watched as JR left the room, allowing the door to fall closed behind him. Suddenly feeling the true weight of her exhaustion, Seong blinked a few times to try and clear her vision. It didn't help and she knew that the only way to recover would be to give in and sleep. The couch looked completely uninviting and she knew that if she tried to sleep in the chair, her back would hurt so bad when she woke up that she wouldn't be able to move; the only option was to crawl into bed with Ren- the bed was plenty wide enough for her to sleep if she stayed pressed against his side.

Kicking off her shoes quickly, she gingerly sat on the bed, carefully avoiding the wires attached to Ren before laying on her side. Seong pressed her head against Ren's chest, listening to his heart beating steadily. Even though they had broken up, her position felt natural - like she was still designed to fit perfectly against his side. For just a moment, she didn't care about the turn that their relationship had taken - she didn't care about her loss of trust in him. Right at that moment, she wanted to be with him. She was lulled to sleep quickly by the melodic sound of Ren's heartbeat.

Ren woke up feeling like complete and utter shit.

His head pounded, and he was almost certain that his brain was going to break out of his skull, and his stomach felt like it was trying to reject anything that he had put in it since birth. Despite that, there was a pleasant weight settled against his chest and he looked down curiously to figure out what it was.

He was met with familiar rod-straight black hair fanned around a pretty face. It was Seong, and she was sleeping in a bed with him. The singer blinked a few times before opening his eyes again, convinced that what he was seeing had to be an illusion or the perfect dream. Seong was still there when he looked down at his chest again, and he was finally convinced that she was really there with him. Ren's hand acted on its own accord as he reached towards her hair, needing to feel the comforting sensation of her soft hair through his fingertips.

Ren stroked her hair gently for what seemed like forever, until Seong's light brown eyes opened and he stopped, resting his arm behind his head. A slight blush colored her cheeks as she sat up and moved to the edge of the bed before looking back over her shoulder at Ren.

“Do you remember what happened?” she questioned worriedly. She had read on the internet that amnesia was a common symptom associated with alcohol poisoning. Ren thought for a moment before a distant look appeared on his face and Seong sighed.

“Yeah... I was drunk and there were reporters. I was trying to get away and I went into an alley. I think I got sick and passed out.”

“I didn't call those reporters, Minki.”

“I know. I wasn't thinking rationally. I knew I was jumping to conclusions even then, but I wasn't in my right mind. I'm sorry for accusing you or that.”

“Don't bother apologizing. It was the same thing that I did to you when I saw those pictures.”

Ren turned his attention back to Seong before closing his eyes tightly. "I just wish you had given me a second to convince you. I would never cheat on you with JR."

"Will you be honest with me? When you touch him is it really skin-ship? I've seen the way you look at him, Minki. There's something there but I don't know what.”

Ren took a deep breath, steeling his nerves as he lowered his gaze from Seong's. “I'm bisexual, Seong.”

Seong stared at him as if caught off guard. Then the surprise faded from her expression. “So you do like JR?”

“Yeah. But I've never kissed him - I've never done anything with him. I don't know how to make that any clearer. Those pictures, every single one of them was photoshopped. I don't know why they look so convincing, but you have to trust me when I say that even if I've had thoughts like that about JR in the past, they're thoughts, and I've never acted on them. I'm never going to act on them because you mean the world to me.”

Seong felt tears pricking at her eyes and she looked away, desperate not to cry in front of him. “I'm sorry for not giving you the chance to explain. I don't even know why I didn't let you explain - something in me snapped when I saw those pictures. I was already upset because I felt like I haven't really known you since you debuted. But I should have known that those pictures weren't real considering what else was going on during that time. All of those comments about you, the hate and rumors, and I fell right into the trap.”

Ren sighed. “You did, but at least you realize that. It taught me something, though - we trust each other, but not as much as we thought. That might really be something to think about in the future.”

Seong gave him a defeated look. “You say that like you still that we have a future.”

“As far as I'm concerned, we do. That is if you want us to.”

Seong's eyes widened and she blinked back tears for what felt like the millionth time. “I'd like that.”

Ren's expression instantly brightened as relief swept over him. “Come here.” Seong settled back down on the bed beside him and he planted a kiss on her forehead. “I love you, Seong.”

“I love you too. Promise me that you're going to stop drinking. It's not healthy for you and I never want to see you like that again.”

The singer's expression became guilty as he stroked a hand through her long hair. “I promise. Drinking wasn't very fun anyway - I think I have a really low tolerance. Being hungover during practice was the worst thing I've ever done.”

Seong chuckled before snuggling into his side, her previous exhaustion once again catching up with her. Ren relaxed too, still feeling weak from his illness. The two soon fell asleep wrapped in a familiar embrace.

[cptnsantiago]

it’s always better when we’re together

summary: Rosa straight up cackles at that, “On second thought, you might just want to pull a Kylie Jenner, keep it a secret the whole time.” Jake and Amy navigate telling the people closest to them about Baby Santiago-Peralta. 

read on ao3

Their first task, after the kissing and crying and hugging, is going to the store to buy a big ol’ binder. It was Jake’s idea, he was eager to get to researching and preparing but he knew he wouldn’t get the right tabs because there are so many of them. His initiative makes Amy want to pounce him right there in the kitchen but a binder covering the next nine months of their lives is also very appealing.

So now 2 hours later, new binder and special tabs on the table, Amy starts with the contents list. Jake had been reading one of the books he bought when he told Amy he was ready to start trying but now he’s been staring at her for a few minutes now with a smile on plastered his face and his fingers grazing her abdomen.

“Hey, you know we’re going to need a whole section dedicated to figuring out how to tell Charles right?”

Amy snorts lightly at this very real observation, because there’s no way Charles will react in a calm manner. He fainted when they got engaged, so there’s no telling what dramatic reaction he’s going to have. “I’m not sure any amount of preparation will help us with Boyle.” Amy’s smile only grows when Jake takes her laptop to type his idea down, “I think we just need to… Um…”

“Yeah there’s no way we can approach this without him losing his mind!” Jake is laughing and shaking his head. “And everyone else too, this is a pretty big deal.”

“Yeah, we’re having a baby. A real life tiny human, weird right?” She just wants to take the moment in so she closes the laptop and pushes it to the side. He wraps his arms around her waist, hands falling again on her stomach. “I love you so much Jake.”

“I love you so much too.” Jake says, heart eyes ablaze, “And I am so ecstatic, and terrified but I know we’ve got this. We’re a team. Ultra parenting team of geniuses.”

They were really lucky to be where they were, having only been trying for four months. On date night months earlier, Jake had started to telling her how he’d been doing with his therapist. He revealed that in the past weeks they had been discussing his dad issues, but through that he felt ready to try for a baby if she was also ready.

Amy had instantly begun to draft her trying for baby and pregnancy binder out in her head, it had been bliss. There was some interesting attempts when she was ovulating, and weirdly it made their sex life more amazing. Neither thought that was possible.

After months of trying, finally on a Saturday morning, they got around to taking one of their spare pregnancy tests in the bathroom. Missed period, swollen breasts, nausea and almost fainting on duty. They were certain this was it.

Here they are now, on cloud nine of the knowledge of the life forming in her body. “Ames, seriously, you- I’m so happy we’re doing this. You’re gonna be such a great mom, and I never truly thought I could be a dad. But with you, I feel like I can do it all.”

Amy laughs affectionately as she wipes a tear from her face, “I’m so glad I can use pregnancy hormones as an excuse to cry for a while.”

～

It’s just over a month later when people start to get suspicious of Jake and Amy. She struggles to keep the morning sickness under wraps and her temper is a tad out of control at times. Jake checks up on her more than usual, sends her frequent texts. They aren’t so great at the secret keeping thing.

Rosa confronts them first in the break room. “You’re being weird. Why are you weird?”

Amy scoffs, “Weird?”

“Weird? Rosa you’re weird.” Jake adds, chuckling nervously but they’re both such bad liars. His shoulders slump and he looks over at Amy.

“What’s happening?” Rosa sits at the table with them.

“Amy’s pregnant.” Jake admits bashfully, and she’s watching as Rosa’s mouth twitches into a smile.

“That’s dope. Congrats.” Her eyes scan over the both of them, “The weirdness makes a lot of sense.”

“Thanks Rosa.” Amy beams, “You’re going to be such a cool aunt.”

“Tia Rosa. The coolest. And you guys are gonna such great parents.”

“I would ask for a hug but that would be more suspicious.” Jake mumbles quickly, “We need to up our game.”

“Maybe we should just start telling people…” Amy shrugs, “There’s only two weeks until we’re out of the first trimester.”

“Yeah and maybe letting Boyle have his official meltdown over it will help us relax.”

Rosa straight up cackles at that, “On second thought, you might just want to pull a Kylie Jenner, keep it a secret the whole time.”

“Yeah I thought about that but I don’t think it’s possible.” Amy sighs.

“We just gotta rip off the bandaid.” Jake says, “Then once he’s done his freaking out, then we’ll have a nice stern talk about personal space.”

“Good luck mommy and daddy!” Rosa says in a cutesy voice, “That’s just a taste of what you’re in for.”

～

They invite Charles over for dinner a few nights later, and both Jake and Amy were hyped up as if they’re about to tell their parents. He has of course offered to bring dinner, and Amy is hoping there isn’t anything too weird in it because she’d rather not feel nauseous for this. Jake has a copy of their last ultrasound in his pocket, ready to give to Charles.

Minutes before he’s due to arrive, Jake finds Amy in their bathroom brushing her teeth and he can tell that nerves are getting to her. “You feeling okay?” Jake wraps his arm around her, his chin resting on her shoulder.

“Yeah, this is exciting.” Amy says after rinsing her mouth, “It’s a long weekend in front of us. Boyle, then Holt tomorrow night -”

“Wait what?” Jake’s eyes pop out of his head. For him, telling Holt is more exciting than his actual dad, a person he’d prefer not to tell.

“Didn’t I tell you we’re going to his house for rice with Kevin tomorrow?”

“Uh, no babe.” Jake is laughing nervously now, turning Amy around so they’re facing each other.

“Oh god , there’s no way I have baby brain already? I’m so sure I told you yesterday!”

“You didn’t even put it on the calendar? This is shocking.” Jake is poking her sides teasingly and she is trying to make a comeback but only weird noises came out of her mouth before they both hear a knock on the door. “Don’t think we’re not talking about this again later.”

Amy rolls her eyes with a smile and goes to greet Charles at the door. His energy from when he walks through the door is just as usual, and once he’s got his lasagne in the oven to warm up he gives them both warm hugs. “You saw us yesterday, Boyle.” Jake reminds him.

“Always too long to hang out with my favourite couple!” Boyle is bouncing on his heels, and Amy is glancing at him curiously as she gets them all drinks.

They all sit down on their couch and Jake immediately has his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Jake is engaged in a conversation about the day he spent with Nikolaj, and the excitement on his face makes her heart swell. She’s reminded of how great of a father Jake is going to be any time they talk about Nikolaj, or when interacting with Iggy or Terry’s kids. For a moment, all of her energy goes towards not crying.

“So we actually invited you for dinner tonight for a reason.” Jake says, intertwining his hand with hers and she can see Boyle shift to the edge of his seat in excitement.

“Besides seeing our favourite co-worker, we do have something to tell you,” Amy declared, “I’m pregnant!”

The noise that came out of Boyle was loud, however much more tame than either of them expected. “I am so happy for you two, you’re going to be such amazing parents,” Charles chokes out, bringing his hand to his face. He’s jumping over and holding them both in his arms. His reaction is, timid, to say the least.

“You figured it out.” Amy sighs, understanding washing over her.

“WHAT NO THIS IS MY GENUINE REACTION!” Boyle screeches. “Okay fine, I figured it out three weeks ago.”

“How?” Jake murmured, Boyle sitting back down next to them, with a soft smile on his face. “Well, first look at you, you’re glowing all the time!” He gushes, “But also I noticed how you’ve been sick, a bit snappy I guess… And you guys aren’t subtle, at all.”

Boyle tells them about seeing them come from the bathroom one morning, and Jake had been smiling and talking about an apparent dentist appointment, but he had remembered that Jake had already been to the dentist that year. “And Amy didn’t look so good so I put two and two together. You forget I’m an unlicensed doula.”

“How can we forget that?” Amy cringes.

“Wow, I’m surprised you didn’t freak out on us like we expected.” Jake laughed, “You fainted when we got engaged.”

“Well, I know pregnancy can be overwhelming. And… I know that I can be a bit much so I wanted to respect Amy’s space and wait until you decided to tell me.”

“Wow, Charles, thank you. I really appreciate that.” Amy’s chin begins to wobble at the thoughtfulness of their friend.

“Plus Genevieve got the brunt of my excitement, there was a lot of crying.” Boyle laughs. “Nikolaj is very excited to have a little cousin!”

Amy chuckles tearfully at this. “Doesn’t he already have heaps of cousins?”

“Yes but none of those cousins is YOUR BABY!” He shrieks again. “AMERICA’S DREAM BABY!”

～

Usually if they’re late, it is most of the time Jake’s fault. But today, they are 12 minutes late to dinner at the Holt and Cozner household. And it was this damn fetus’ fault. Amy had spent the hour previously upchucking her breakfast and lunch, despite having felt fine all day. Jake had insisted they reschedule but she didn’t want to delay sharing the news with her captain, mentor and friend any longer.

Neither of them comment on their lateness, but offer them drinks instead. Jake shakes his head while Amy asks for a water and they settle at their dining table while Kevin serves up their rice into bowls. “I’m really excited for a nice plain meal tonight.” Amy whispered to Jake with a chuckle.

“How have your weekends been, pleasant I hope?” Holt asks, his tone plain but somehow caring.

“Yes we’ve had some nice downtime, and Charles came for dinner last night.” Amy recalled.

As pleasant conversation began between the group; Jake ate his rice quietly, stuck in his own thoughts. He didn’t have any reason to truly be nervous, Holt (and Kevin, really) had been there for there the debate on children almost a year ago now and he had always been supportive of both him and Amy. But still, the importance their captain had in their lives made him excited and nervous in a way he didn’t expect to be. Telling his mom (and dad, he guesses), had been easier and more exciting; this was their first grandchild, so their happiness was contagious. Telling Victor and Camila was a bit nerve wracking, but they were thrilled for the pair of course. Telling Holt and Kevin was the last of the big people to tell before telling the last of their squad. It was scary.

“Jake?” Kevin repeated.

“Jacob?” Holt attempted to get Jake out of his stupor.

“Babe?” Amy’s hand rests on his shoulder, concern etched on her face. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“What’s going on Jake?” Holt questioned sternly.

“Well, we have some news.” Amy announced, her hand falling on his knee as an attempt to settle his nerves. “We’re having a baby!”

The happiness in his wife’s voice snaps him out of it, a smile creeping up onto his face again. “Yep, Amy’s, uh, preggo! Bun in the oven!”

Holt spares a glance at his husband before looking back at Jake and Amy. “Congratulations, Jake and Amy, on the ‘bun in the oven’.” Kevin comments with a small grin on his face. “I’m sure the two of you will make competent parents.”

Holt is quiet for a moment more before he speaks up, “I am so delighted by this news and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come as people. Congratulations.”

Amy sucks in a deep breath as she attempts to fend off the tears once again, and taking a glimpse over at her husband she sees the tears forming in his eyes and back at Holt she sees his lips are pursed in an emotional smile. She gives into her emotions and allows the tears to fall down her cheeks with a laugh. “Thank you.”

Holt stands up out of his chair and walks over to the pair, and when the both of them stand, he embraces them both one by one. None of them are trying to keep the tears in anymore, and once the hug is over Amy pulls the ultrasound copy out of her pocket to show it to him. The smile that appears on his face is so bright, Amy clasps onto Jake’s arm. “Is this a spare copy?” Amy nods, “May I keep this?”

“Yeah anything for their favourite grandpa? Grandaptain?” Jake babbled, “Or whatever.”

“I’m sure Raymond and I would be delighted to be included in your child’s life.” Kevin cuts in for his speechless husband.  

“I would love to be their Grandaptain.” Holt chuckles, placing his free hand on Jake’s shoulder.

～

The rest of the announcements go smoothly over the next few weeks. Gina reacts in a cool, Gina-esque way, but later pulls Amy inside to offer genuine advice and tells her how happy she is for them. Terry envelopes them in a giant bear hug before Amy begs to be let go before she pukes all over him. Hitchcock and Scully offer their babysitting services, which they politely decline. Amy’s squad downstairs cheers loudly for her, congratulations echo through the room and she almost cries at the support.

Once the entire precinct is aware, Rosa begins tabling out bets on different aspects of Jake and Amy’s kid. Birthday and gender, being the main ones. “I’m sorry, but Amy has SEVEN brothers. No way it’ll be a girl.” Boyle says as he puts $100 down.

“Wow, okay. Genetics are stupid . It’s going to be a girl.” Rosa has her arms crossed, grinning as both Jake and Amy walk over to them, “What do the parents think? Boy or girl?”

“Seven brothers. Boy doiiii.” Jake drones lightly, his arm snaking around Amy’s wait to rest on the side of the tiny bump that is hidden by her uniform. “It’s literally safest bet to make.”

Amy’s smile is bright as she laughs at her husband, the bets are out of control but half of the bet money is going to them as a squad gift so she can’t complain. She takes out her wallet takes out a $20 bill and puts it down on the bet jar Rosa is holding.

“I think we might be surprised.”

[oh-ranpo]

more than a pretty face. (2)

Pairing: Ben Hardy x OC AN: This is going to go back into the past a little bit, just before the Golden Globes. Just as a little heads up. All of this is completely fictional of course, but just so you have an idea of the timeline here. Let me know what you think! Tags list is open, just send me a message to be added. Warnings: Cheating, drinking

All anyone could talk about were the Golden Globes. Even though it was still a few weeks away, as soon as the boys found out that they were nominated, there had been instant celebration and constant talk over what they were going to wear and what they were going to do if they won.

Charlie had been so excited for them, knowing just how much they all deserved it. While Ben had already been over the U.S. for a while staying with Sophia, once the nominees were announced, Gwilym, Lucy and Allen had flown over to celebrate. Charlie had suggested throwing a party at her place, since it was the biggest, and they had happily taken her up on her offer. She was the only one in the group who had a townhouse that could accommodate everyone who was sure to be coming.

Normally, Charlie might have been a little more apprehensive about having so many people she didn’t know well in her living space, but she was willing to make an exception for this. It was such a big moment, and the perfect way to start the awards season.

“Thank you so much for letting us have this party at your places, Charles,” Joe said cheerfully, as he wrapped his arm around his brunette friend. Charlie could tell that he had already had quite a bit to drink, considering he had broken out his ‘Charles’ nickname that he knew she despised. It only reared its ugly head when he was drunk and when he knew that she wouldn’t get mad at him.

“Of course, Joey. You guys deserve it,” Charlie replied, smiling brightly at him.  

There was loud music playing in the living room, and there were people milling about all over the place. Most people Charlie recognized as either other cast members from Bohemian Rhapsody, or as friends from other movies. No one had told her exactly who had been invited, only to expect a lot of people to come. They weren’t wrong.

As Charlie moved to see to it that the bar was fully stocked, Joe bounded off to greet someone that he hadn’t seen in a while. The party had been going for almost an hour now, and Charlie still hadn’t seen Ben or Sophia anywhere. She couldn’t complain though. Not having to see Sophia’s face was more than enough thanks for throwing this party.

The crowd seemed to get denser the closer to the kitchen she got, and just as Charlie was able to push her way into the room, a voice called her name and she felt her stomach drop. She hesitantly turned in the direction of the voice, and put on her best fake smile as Sophia’s best friend, Wren, moved towards her.  

While Wren wasn’t nearly as bad as Sophia, the entire time that Charlie had known her, she had been trying to sleep with Joe. As far as Charlie could tell, Joe was nowhere near interested, but that didn’t stop Wren from asking about him anytime she had the misfortune of bumping into her. Also, the fact that Wren was here meant that Sophia was also there somewhere. The thought made Charlie nauseous.

“Charlie, oh my gosh, I’ve been looking all over for you! What an amazing party!” Wren’s blue eyes were wide, and Charlie had a hard time telling whether she was being genuine or if she was just faking it in hopes of getting in good with Joe. Either way, Charlie wasn’t buying it.

“Thanks, Wren. Of course, it was all put together by Joe and Rami. I just provided the space.”

Wren’s face lit up at the mention of Joe’s name, and just as she opened her mouth to launch into twenty questions about him, Charlie was knocked to the side, a sarcastic ‘sorry’ being muttered as someone pushed past her. She wasn’t at all surprised to look up and see Sophia smirking smugly at her, while Ben trailed behind her like a lost puppy. His eyes met hers for a brief second, and Charlie thought that she might have seen a bit of an apology in his expression, but he had disappeared into the crowd before she could be sure.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go and check to make sure the rest of the kitchen is one piece. I’ll talk to you later,” Charlie excused herself, ignoring the fact that Wren’s face fell at her dismissal. Deep down, Charlie hoped that the big crowd kept her, Wren, and Sophia as far from each other as possible.  

The urge for another drink consumed her, and Charlie grabbed a plastic cup from the stack at the end of the bar and made her way down to where the keg was sitting. There were several people hovering around it, but they all parted for her as she grabbed for the tap. After filling her cup up completely, Charlie turned to make sure that everything else was in order, and was surprised to see that all the drinks had already been restocked. She figured Rami or Lucy must have come in at some point, and made a mental note to thank them later.  

Charlie pushed back through the crowd, and when she made it back into her living room, she smiled when she saw Rami, Lucy, Joe, Gwilym, Allen and Ben chatting happily amongst one another. Lucy was perched on Rami’s lap in the lounge chair, and Joe, Gwil, Ben, and Allen were all smashed together on the couch opposite them. Rami looked up and smiled as Charlie entered the room, drawing everyone else’s attention to her as well.

“Charles!” Joe cried happily, and Charlie rolled her eyes. He eagerly patted the armrest next to him, but she just shook her head. Sitting next to him would require crawling over almost everyone’s laps, and she wasn’t about to do that.

“Are you guys having a good time?” she asked, bringing her cup to her lips to take a drink. All of them nodded simultaneously, each one wearing a giant smile with the exception of Ben.

“Oh, it’s just wonderful. Thank you so much for doing all of this for us, Charlie. You are the best,” Lucy gushed as she removed herself from Rami’s lap and walked over to wrap her in a hug. Lucy was always so sweet, but just like with Joe, Charlie could tell that she had already had quite a bit to drink. All of them looked like they had.  

“Really, it’s nothing. Hopefully in a month we will be able to have an even bigger celebration.”

Lucy left one of her arms draped across Charlie’s shoulders, but she didn’t mind. She wasn’t normally the touchy-feely type, but when it came to this group, it was something she had been forced to get over quite quickly.  

It was several more minutes before Charlie realized that, besides Lucy, it really was just all the guys. Sophia was nowhere to be seen. The thought of having her running amuck in her house made Charlie nervous, so she quietly excused herself to see if she could locate her. She didn’t say anything to anyone about what she was doing, because she knew if she brought it to Ben’s attention, he would get offended and the entire night would be ruined. Charlie cursed under her breath when she realized that there were still a ton of people around, making her search even harder. Sophia was not a tall person, so spotting her in the crowd was going to be difficult.  

She started with the main floor, searching through the dining room and kitchen, but found nothing. She then headed into the lower level where people had set up some drinking games, but the crowd was sparse, and after one glance, Charlie could tell that she wasn’t down there either. She could feel a knot form in her throat at the thought of her being on the top floor, where only her bedroom, the guest bedroom, and another bathroom were located. When she made it upstairs, at first, the area looked empty. But then, Charlie noticed that the guest room door was shut. She was just about to reach out and open it when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

“Charlie? What are you doing?”  

She must have looked suspicious, because when she turned to face Ben, he gave her a questioning look.

“I was just checking to make sure everything was okay up here. I mean, this is my house. I can go wherever I want,” she huffed in response. “What are you doing up here?”  

Ben narrowed his eyes and gestured down the hall towards the bathroom.

“The bathroom downstairs was taken and Joe said that there was another one up here.”

Charlie nodded curtly, and then both of their attention was stolen by a loud crash and then a giggle coming from inside the guest bedroom. Charlie turned quickly, and Ben laughed.

“Sounds like someone is having a little fun in there.”

Charlie cringed at the thought, and reached out to push the door open. Regardless of who it was, she didn’t want someone getting it on in her guest bed. She was already going to have quite the mess to clean up.

As soon as the door swung open, Charlie inhaled sharply when she saw a half-dressed Sophia sitting on the edge of the bed while another man was sprawled out across the floor. The loud thud had apparently been him falling off the bed.

“Soph- Sophia?”  

For a moment, Charlie had forgotten that Ben was right behind her. In his curious state, he had moved closer to see who was causing all the commotion, and for the first time since she had met him, Charlie felt sorry for him.

“Oh my God, Ben! Honey, it’s not what it looks like!” Sophia struggled to remove herself from the tangle of sheets, but Ben was already gone. Charlie could hear his footsteps racing down the stairs, and the man that was on the floor leaned up against the bed, clearly confused as to everything that was going on. Sophia grabbed her shirt and shorts in haste, but when her eyes landed on Charlie, she glowered at her.

“You did this on purpose!” she hissed, pulling her shirt over her head and stumbling over towards the doorway. “You’ve always been jealous of Ben and I!”

The accusation made Charlie laugh, and even though Sophia was giving her a look that could kill, she didn’t feel threatened in the slightest.

“Oh no, sweetie. You brought this upon yourself.”

When she finally stumbled back into her pants, Sophia pushed past Charlie in the doorway and disappeared down the stairs, leaving Charlie alone with the stranger.

“I think it goes without saying, but you really need to leave,” Charlie said, as she pulled the door closed behind her so the man could get changed. A few seconds later, Gwilym bounded up the stairs, a bewildered look on his face.

“What just happened? Ben came storming through the living room, mumbling something about leaving and then Sophia chased him outside with her shirt on wrong side out.”

Charlie tried not to laugh, considering the delicacy of the situation, but before she could reply, the man exited the guest bedroom and sheepishly squeezed past them to head downstairs. Charlie’s eyes met Gwilym’s and a look of understanding crossed his face.

“Damn, poor Ben.”

The sympathy that Charlie had been feeling for Ben dissipated and instead frustration took its place.

“This has been happening for a long time, Gwil. You know it, I know it, we all know it. It’s his fault for not opening his eyes to it sooner.” A sad look crossed Gwilym’s face, and Charlie already knew what he was going to say before he said it. It was the same thing all the guys had been saying when the issue got brought up. “And no, love is not that complicated.”

Charlie made her way back downstairs, and saw that several people had already left. The mood of the room had shifted considerably, and without saying, people seemed to realize that something had happened. The rest of the BoRhap crew still sat in the living room, but their eyes were watching the stairs, waiting for her to come back down and explain what had happened, even though they were all sure they could guess.

“Is he going to be okay?” Allen asked first, as Charlie took the empty seat next to him. Charlie shrugged.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”  

A somber kind of quiet fell over the group, a complete contrast to the upbeat dance music that was blasting through the speakers. The evening’s celebrations had been ruined, and now all anyone could think about was Ben and how he was handling what had just happened. Rami excused himself after a few minutes, and Charlie knew that he was going to go try and find him.  

“He shouldn’t be alone right now,” he murmured, as he pressed a parting kiss against Charlie’s temple, and Lucy followed him out.

A few more people filtered out, and Joe took it upon himself to go down and make sure that everyone else knew that the party was over. Before long, it was just Gwilym, Charlie, Allen, and Joe left in the house and someone had turned the music off.

“Do you think he’s going to take her back?” Gwilym asked awkwardly, after a few more minutes of silence. Charlie was still sitting next to Allen on the couch, but Joe was leaning in the doorway across the room.

“God, I hope not,” Charlie breathed, and Joe laughed. She hadn’t meant for it to come out so loud.

“For his sake, I hope he doesn’t either. Ben’s too good of a guy to keep having his heart broken like this,” Allen added.

Charlie felt a little confused at his phrasing but didn’t say anything. Was this not the first time Ben had a bad relationship? It didn’t really matter. She could only hope that tonight was the last that she saw of Sophia.

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[fellintotartarus]

i think we partied too hard

on ao3!

i'm obsessed with one night stand amy gets pregnant fics rn (literally don't ask why... shut up) I'm also VERY MAD about the green book win (it was a category filler?! roma deserved it shut up) so you get this, i guess.

Jake sat with his head on the table groaning. He had spent 29 hours awake, running on 2 hours of sleep, and he could not crack this case. Amy sat next to him in the same fashion, in the same situation.

 After 29 hours of looking at the same case board, interrogating the same perps, and running the same routes, they were no closer to bringing down this mysterious drug lord. The clock ticked teasingly in the corner, reminding them of the time elapsing that they couldn’t solve the case.

 All of the sudden, Jake’s head snapped up.

 “Ames,” he whispered. “It’s the sister.”

 Amy’s head shot up. They stared at each other before smiles crept onto each of their faces. They solved it.

 —

 That night, the whole squad went to Shaw’s to celebrate. They were waist deep in shots, pints, and, in Holt’s case, Charbonay. It was a sloppy drunk kind of night.

 Four-drink Amy had come out to play. Terry tried to get another drink in her so that she would stop terribly winking at everything that walked, but the bartender had cut her off and was watching them with a hawk eye. They wanted to stay more than they wanted five-drink Amy, so they let her horniness run rampant.

 Jake was not a heavy drinker, but this case closing was a cause for celebration, so he was wasted. He didn’t have a tiered drunkenness scale like Amy did, but after six drinks he was strangely flirty as well.

 The rest of the crew was very weirded out by their gross and alcohol-fueled vibing, and they gravitated away from Jake and Amy into another corner.

 Soon enough, Jake and Amy were sitting huddled up at the bar, steadily drinking enough to keep them at the “horny-drunk” level.

 “Jake, you know something? You’re super hot. I totally would sleep with you, but I’m too much of a chicken to say that,” Amy slurred, poking his chest (surprisingly firm, she might add).

 “Whaaaatttt? You’re the sexiest ever. Every time you wear that red dress it makes me suffer because I just wanna lift up the skirt and fuck you in it,” he breathed in her ear.

 The conversation had taken a significant turn from playful flirting to very serious dirty talk, and it was reflected in their proximity to each other and their heavy breathing.

 Amy moaned under breath. She took a nibble of his earlobe and whispered lightly, already grabbing her purse, “Do you wanna go back to mine?”

 Jake stood up abruptly, nodding, wobbled a little bit, and grabbed her hand. They half-ran to the door, giggling the whole way.

 —

 The next morning, Jake rolled over to find the good lump on his mattress only to find a foreign bed and a warm barrier with its arms wrapped around him.

 Confused, Jake groggily opened his eyes to find a very naked Amy Santiago sleeping peacefully next to him.

 His eyes went wide and he gasped slightly, causing Amy to stir and open her eyes. As soon as she saw him, her reaction was about the same as his.

 After a few tense seconds of just looking at each other with surprise, they simultaneously sprang apart and let out yelps.

 Amy, realizing they were both naked, tugged the sheet over her body, leaving Jake’s (very nice, she had to say) body exposed. He gasped and grabbed the sheet and pulled it over himself, leaving Amy’s (extremely sexy, he thought) body exposed. It was a slight battle of tug-of-war before they gave up and starting mad-grabbing for their clothes on the floor. Amy found her underwear pretty close to the bed, but, holding her boobs in place with her hands, she found her bra in the hallway, and her pantsuit on the couch. Jake was luckier to find all his clothes in the bedroom.

 They met in Amy’s kitchen.

 “So we... uh...” Amy trailed off. She was visibly tense in the shoulders.

 “Seems like it,” Jake laughed awkwardly a bit, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 A pause. Then, suddenly, laughter filled the apartment. They were belly-laughing, the good kind of laugh that left you aching. Tears welled in their eyes.

 “Was I any good?” Jake choked out through laughs.

 Amy stopped laughing and said seriously, “I don’t know. You were my first.”

 Jake stilled. “Wait, Ames, really?”

 A laugh forced its way out of Amy’s throat. “No! Oh my god, who do you take me for, a 30-year-old virgin?”

 “Jesus, you scared me!” Jake laughed.

 “Okay, well, I’m glad this isn’t weird and all, but I am majorly hungover and would like to take my day off,” Amy said.

 “No, yeah, got it. I was just on my way out.”

 They shared a genuine smile as Jake walked out the door.

 Amy lay in bed later that night and texted Jake.

 To: Jake Peralta

Isn’t it... weird that we aren’t weird?

 From: Jake Peralta

not rly tbh. the way i see it is we have a funny inside joke now. also i literally remember nothing.

 To: Jake Peralta

Yeah haha. Makes sense. Definitely don’t remember anything either.

 The thing was, she did. Or, well, she had evidence. She woke up with the mat in her hair that she only got when she had sex in her favorite position, she had the good ache between her legs of being well-fucked with a big dick, and her clitoris was really sensitive, meaning multiple orgasms. She didn’t entirely like the conclusion, but Jake must be really good at sex. Gross (Or was it? her brain said). She wondered why she couldn’t stop thinking about it, until she realized that it was weird now. She had made it weird by remembering.

 Or maybe it was the way he made her laugh like nobody else, or the soft curl of his hair flipped to the side, or his strong arms holding her as she slept away the morning.

 Amy blushed and shook the thought out of her head for the millionth time that year.

 At his apartment, Jake lay awake with memories flooding back. Jake had the rare gift of retaining memories slowly when he blacked out, and he had never been happier. Besides the obvious, Jake was mind blown that Amy freaking Santiago had given him the best sex of his life. She was such a nerd, it seemed impossible! Just remembering the night’s activities sent a shudder down his spine and warmth through his core.

 But it also begged the question: was it just the sex? Or was it also the halo of light around Amy’s face when she laughed, or the way her hair shone softly, or her adorable hate face reserved only for those who had invoked a pure form of hatred from a cinnamon roll of a human (looks like a cinnamon roll, could actually kill you).

 Jake wondered for the millionth time that year why he couldn’t stop thinking about her. She was his colleague for Christ’s sake, his frenemy within the precinct. They competed constantly and bickered more than an old married couple.

 Jake sighed, punched the good lump into shape, and fell asleep.

 —

 Jake and Amy’s work relationship hadn’t changed much at all, except now they seemed to have a lot more to laugh about. Every once in a while, they would be sniggers coming from their desks from a seemingly new inside joke.

 The main thing that changed, however, was the way they looked at each other. Their glances would linger while the other wasn’t looking, and there was something unidentifiable in their eyes. It was soft, and it was absolutely torturous. The rest of the squad had bets on the outcome of this newfound grossness.

 Jake’s deniable crush on Amy had spiraled into a full-blown infatuation. He thought about her constantly, texted her when he wasn’t with her, and even improved his life to please her. He cleaned every week, he sold his unnecessary stuff, and started chipping away at his debt. It was a goddamned miracle.

 Amy found herself thinking about Jake too much for it to be normal. She always suspected that she liked him as more than a friend but was always able to tamp it down and ignore it. Not anymore, she thought with a sigh. Now it was like everything he did was the cutest thing. His smiles always sent her into a soupy mess, and every time they touched by accident it was like electricity running up her spine.

 Then one day, a month after That Night, it became impossible to not think about him.

 She woke up that morning feeling nauseous for the second day in a row. She violently vomited a few times and then lay against the cool bathroom floor, the cogs turning in her brain.

 Idiot, she thought to herself.

 After nervously checking her period tracker and seeing that she was a week late, she immediately called Jake.

 “Hey, I was just about to call you to see if you could meet up for coffee before work. I wanna talk to you about something.” He sounded hopeful and groggy, like he had just woken up. But Amy was not concerned about that right now.

 “Peralta,” she whisper-yelled through the phone. “Did we not use a fucking condom?”

 She heard shuffling on the other end of the line. Then, Jake’s voice rang clear and awake. That obviously had gotten his attention.

 “Ames, what are you saying?” he said nervously.

 Amy pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled slowly.

 “I can’t stop puking and I’m a week late,” she said softly. “Jake, I think I’m pregnant.”

 Silence.

 Then, after a beat, “Okay. Get dressed and meet me at the CVS on the corner by your apartment. Everything’s going to be okay.”

 Amy wiped away some stray tears and did as Jake instructed. She found him waiting at the entrance of the pharmacy. When they made eye contact, his eyes lightened, and a small smile crept onto his face. He held his hand out for her to take. It was corny, but Amy really appreciated it.

 They navigated through the store, finding the pregnancy tests, and Jake insisted on buying the most expensive one to put Amy’s mind at ease.

 They stepped into the bathroom together, receiving strange stares from the employees, and Jake turned to the corner while Amy peed on the fancy test (Why was she comfortable with him in there? God, she must really like him). Then she set a timer and they waited.

 Standing there in the bathroom waiting for the timer to go off, Amy turned to Jake and asked, “What did you want to talk to me about?”

 Jake raised his eyebrows. “Oh, right. That.” He sighed. “Well, I guess now’s as good a time as any.” Awkward smile. Deep breath.

 Amy waited with bated breath for what she thought (and hoped) he would say.

 “So, after That Night, I, uh, realized that I like you. And I wanna be with you. Romantic stylez. Stylez with a z.”

 Amy was shocked. She knew she felt the same way, and that she wanted that, too, but their life might be about to get really complicated.

 A part of her brain told her that it would make things simpler if there was a baby, but another part thought of Jane the Virgin and how complicated Mateo’s life became with on-off parents.

 But heart and mouth seemed to be ahead of her brain because she found herself saying, “Me, too.”

 Jake smiled so genuinely it hurt Amy’s heart. She smiled back and, before she could think, pulled Jake in for a tender kiss.

 If Jake had to describe it, he would say it felt like taking a deep breath after too long under water. Kissing Amy was like coming home and smelling your pillow after being away. Kissing Amy was like heaven.

 If Amy had to describe it, she would say it was like pulling on a soft shirt straight out of the dryer. Kissing Jake was like a fresh, warm binder and a clean apartment.

 Then the timer went off.

 Amy pulled away and made eye contact with Jake. There was panic and worry in her eyes.

 “Deep breath,” Jake said reassuringly.

 Together, they looked down.

 Not Pregnant.

 Amy could almost cry with relief. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

 She looked up at Jake, who also looked pretty relieved. He caught her looking and tried explaining.

 “I would’ve been a good dad. Y’know, if that was the case. I would have stayed and cared, I’m not—”

 Amy cut him off. “Jake. I know. I don’t doubt it even for a second. But relief is fine. I am definitely not ready, and you probably aren’t either.”

 Jake smiled pulled her in for another kiss, only for Amy to stop him.

 He looked worried and said, “Oh, shit, did I mess something up?”

 Amy laughed. “No, you goof. It’s just that we are definitely not going going to make out in a CVS bathroom.”

 “Oh. Oh, okay good. Geez, I thought I fucked up for a second.”

 “No, Peralta. We’ll be fine.”

[201kl5-dead]

44+ REDDIE PLEASE YOU ANGST QUEEN!

Prompt 44: One of them being diagnosed with a terminal illness AU, Reddie

Read it on AO3

this is a lot less detailed and a lot worse than i wanted but i hope you at least dont hate it!

The although quiet but consistent beeping of machines was starting to drive Richie insane after the first five minutes, so it was fair to guess that his situation hadn’t gotten much easier after three bloody hours spent in the waiting room of the unfamiliar and cold hospital. The raven-haired young adult had his head in his hands, his messy curls being tugged into a more and more disastrous style as time passed. Maybe this whole day was cursed. They had been on their way to the mall, having planned on spending a few hours in there and had agreed to pick separate stores that both would have their time to go through and buy an outfit for the other before they met up again at a pre-planned place. It had been supposed to be fun, something to get them out of their comfort zone and to just have fun while your brand new fiancé got you a surprise outfit to wear. After that they would’ve continued on to the small and old cafe that they both loved, it was worn out and hidden from most curious eyes, but still perfect in just the right ways. They would’ve grabbed milkshakes and then gone to the movies, and just overall had the perfect day, right in time to celebrate the earlier week. The week where Richie finally got that job in the radio station that he had been wanting for years. The week where Eddie passed all his tests with flying colours, thus getting him in the best med school in the area. And most importantly, the week when despite them being young and in some would call ‘reckless’ love, they knew that all they really wanted from life was to spend it together. They would be able to take on anything, just as long as they had each other, just like always. Richie and Eddie. Eddie and Richie. Eddie Spaghetti and the Trashmouth. The two best friends who had always bickered like an old married couple but who fit together like two long-lost puzzle pieces, always managing to balance each other out and were always there for the other. It had been the week when Richie had finally, according to his own words, grown the balls to propose to Eddie. Maybe it had been awkward, and maybe Richie left the food that was supposed to be a grand and romantic dinner in the oven for a few minutes too long and then ended up ordering fast food in his panic, and maybe they both cried when Richie finally with shaking hands and voice got on one knee, almost falling over in his nervousness, and asked the big question while helplessly stumbling over his words. Maybe, it hadn’t gone as he had planned. Maybe, he had forgotten what he was supposed to say and just ended up stuttering something barely understandable in a small voice. But despite all of that, Eddie had said yes. Of course he did. That was something he always knew he would do, and he couldn’t have been happier. Even the weird morning headaches, the sudden waves of nausea and dizziness accompanied with him almost passing out a little too often, had left him alone that day. And it was perfect, oh it had been absolutely perfect. Maybe it had been too perfect, even. And now they were here. Or at least Richie was, Eddie had been rushed off hours ago, and Richie hadn’t seen his fiancé since. Eddie had been driving Richie’s old car that he had helped fix up a few years back, and they had both been singing off-tune with the radio blasting on high volume, and everything seemed perfect. At least until Eddie’s eyes had started to droop without a warning, and Richie had barely had any time to yank on the wheel to direct them to the side of the road, alerted by the small whimper of his name that had left the brunette’s lips before he had lost consciousness. Their car had crashed against a tree but with low enough speed that they both made it out with only a few scratches, and a mild concussion in Richie’s case, seeing as he had tried to both support Eddie and shield him from the impact. An ambulance had been called quickly by someone that had seen their accident and seeing as Eddie stayed unconscious even after five minutes, no matter how many times Richie tried to shake him awake. They had both been rushed to the nearest hospital, with Richie explaining what all had been going on for the past couple of months, telling how Eddie had started to get nauseous and dizzy often, but even after several different tests and visits to some very sought after doctors, nothing seemed to be wrong with him. And that’s how they got here, with Richie pacing around the waiting room before giving up and having sat down on one of the couches, head in hands as he still had no idea what was going on, or if Eddie was okay. And it was slowly starting to drive him absolutely fucking insane. — After almost three hours of agony of not knowing what was happening and not being able to do anything, a nurse finally approached him in the now otherwise empty waiting room. Richie practically shot up to his feet, almost falling over in the process. The nurse gave him a small and sympathetic smile and motioned him to come with. “Mr Kaspbrak is stable and awake currently, and asked to see you-” She didn’t even have an opportunity to finish her sentence before Richie was already walking ahead of him, clearly looking jittery. “What’s going on? Is he okay? Why did this take such a damn long time? Is everything-” “Mr Tozier, please try to calm down. We mostly just ran some tests and had to wait for the results to come in as we took care of him. He wanted to tell you the results himself, so please, feel free to go see him” the nurse stopped in front of one of the numerous doors decorating the hallway, and looked at Richie with a sad smile that set him even more on edge immediately. “Do try to let him rest, even if it’s hard. He’s deserved it.” He almost didn’t even hear the nurses departing words, having already rushed in the room, eyes searching around frantically. In a few seconds he had located Eddie almost buried under the disturbingly straightened hospital sheets, with an IV attached to his hand and a pile of papers on the metallic tray next to his bed. He reached the bed in a few long strides, immediately pulling up a chair next to the bed and sitting down before grabbing his fiancé’s hand and studying his face, trying to find any signs of the familiar symptoms of anxiety and panic the brunette tended to get around hospitals. Instead what he found would have probably been calming or reassuring to some, but the gentle and slightly worried look in Eddie’s eyes just scared Richie even more. Although that fear was nothing compared to the wave of nausea that washed over him with the words that rang in his ears, making everything else around him blur out. “So… They did all the tests that they could think of based on what you told them while they were checking up on me. And, well, there’s no easy way to say this, Rich. They- they just told me that one test showed something unpleasant, and they confirmed it with more scans. Richie, I have cancer. It’s-” Eddie swallowed softly, squeezing Richie’s hand as the other had gone completely white, and seemed to almost be shaking as he could feel his own eyes starting to well up too. “It’s in my brain, but in a spot that they can’t operate on it without permanently turning me into a vegetable. And since they can’t cut it out, well, it’s- It’s terminal. They don’t know how long it’ll take for it to kill me, but they think it won’t be too long. The closest guess the doctor was able to give is less than a year.” Eddie whispered out the end of the sentence, feeling like his heart was going to break as he saw the silent tears that started to fall down Richie’s cheeks, eventually falling on the bed and their joined hands. And without a word the taller male suddenly leaned down, enveloping the other in what was probably the tightest hug he could muster, as he tried to keep his crying silent. He had to be strong for Eddie, he just had to. It seemed like an eternity had passed before Richie finally lifted his head, arms still wrapped around Eddie’s small frame with no intention of letting go as he looked at his fiancé with teary eyes but a weak smile on his face, his voice barely above a hushed breath “I’m going to make sure that this is going to be the best goddamn year anyone has ever had.” The brunette smiled softly as his heart warmed up, and if he really was destined to die inside a year, he had absolutely no regrets about who he was going to spend every passing day of that year with. He sniffled softly and tilted his chin up, trying to look down on Richie but evidently failing. “You know, this means that you owe me some royal treatment, Tozier.” Richie let out a small and wet laugh, hesitantly untangling one hand from around Eddie in order to salute him. “I would never consider doing anything less- although you know, terminally ill or not, you’re still an adorable dork, Ed’s.” Those were the words that had Eddie smiling genuinely for the first time after they arrived at the hospital, and he gave his boyfriends, and best friends, words a soft chuckle, “But I’m your terminally ill and adorable dork.” “That you most certainly are my love, that you most certainly are.” Richie hummed as he moved to gently brush a few stray strands of hair from Eddie’s forehead, and tilted his head a little. “Anything else you want or need right now?” The answer he got was small and quiet, and almost so scared-sounding that it broke his heart. “Just.. stay with me? Please?” “Of course I will Ed’s, I promise. Through anything and everything.”

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Wan High Weeping (Part 7)

Suki looked herself over, once and then twice until her image seemed satisfactory. She let out a long breath, another long day was in store for her. Things were rough these days. School was never an easy feat between the workload and the bullies. But these days it was a difficulty twice over.

 Not for the first time in the past three months, she cursed Sokka. She cursed him for putting her in her current position and then taking off to college without a regard for her.

He was on his way to success, wholly unburdened and she was hindered to the fullest and hadn’t an inkling as to how to approach the situation.

 Doctor visit after doctor visit couldn’t tell her the direction to take once the baby was squirming in her arms.

 Again, she considered terminating the pregnancy.

Abortion, but that was such an ugly word, she didn’t like to say it… even if it was a plan she was seriously contemplating.

 She groans to herself, rubbing her hands over her face. She would ask how this had possibly happened but she knew. She knew exactly what happened. It was steamy and sexy and a wildly good time. One of the best nights she had, had. But God, did that blissful might have a price. And that price was kicking and wiggling and generally making her feel nauseous.

She ran her hand up and down her belly, trying to soothe the babe before it could turn her stomach completely upside down.

 She didn’t have time for this; school started in a half an hour and she had a twenty-minute drive to get there on a good day and she need a solid ten minutes to dress and have breakfast.

 She groaned again, to herself. This baby would be the death of her. She had push through though. Before that summer she had been at the top of her class, on par with Azula and Katara. She wasn’t going to let her ‘happy’ little accident reap that from her.

 Suki stood and stretched, deciding that she better get to it with her morning routine. She winced as she worked out a knot in her back; she was only four months in and it was already killing her. She had a quick breakfast and gathered her school supplies. She didn’t bother shouting a goodbye to her parents, they had long since stopped exchanging pleasantries like that.

All in all, she felt like an outcast in her own home.

 She missed the days when her parents would praise her for her stellar grades and fiery drive. Missed the days when they would make small talk over dinner. Missed the days when they saw her as responsible and worth paying attention to.

 It brought tears to her eyes to think that they would so quickly write her off for one simple mistake. For doing something that was so natural. Most everyone has sex. She didn’t think that it made her any less mature and intelligent for having it too. They probably had it in their teenage years. And yet they condemned her for it.

She dabbed the tears away.

She thought of calling out an, ‘I’ll see you guys after school.’ But she can’t get the words past the lump in her throat. So she hastily scrambled out the door and to her car. By the time she buckled herself in, she was reduced to an all out bawl, cursing her hormones for being all out of whack.

 .oOo.

 It really did speak volumes that her peers treated her with more tact than her own parents, especially given that Wan High had a reputation for drama and unkind words. It was strange how supportive most of her classmates were.

 Her softball teammates, in particular, were taking it well. They offered her gifts that ranged from jokes—a shirt that read ‘beware, kicking baby’ and an application to the TV show, ‘Diapers or Diplomas’—to more serious ones—baby booties and pajamas.

She enjoyed them all really. Even coach Kyoshi was taking it well. Even though Suki could no longer part-take, coach invited her to watch the game and cheer her teammates on. And then she would be invited to the after-game celebrations as though she’d been in the game still. For the second time, her eyes welled with tears, these ones of the happier, gracious variety.

 She took a seat and waited for Mr. Patik to enter and start prattling on about the importance of beind bilingual—granted she agreed with him, she just wished he would stop talking about it and start teaching them a second language.

Hellbent on proving that she was still at the top of her classes, Suki whipped out her pencil and began taking notes, even on those tangents that Patik was prone to going on.

 The call proceeded with no hiccups. The first wave of in-school dizziness didn’t hit until she was on her way to lunch. She broke away from the crowd and hunched over in the first unoccupied corner she could find. She waited for the spell to pass with a throbbing head an aching back. She eyed her load of textbooks with a large degree of venom. She wanted to think that she could carry on like normal, but maybe she was overdoing it in carrying all of those books around.

 She truly didn’t want to pick them back up, but she had to. She gathered them up and got to her feet, doing her best to make her way to the cafeteria. It was a disorienting, borderline painful walk, a one minute long trip that seemed to take ten times that.

By the tie she seated herself at her lunch table, she was red-faced and out of breath. And lordy, was she hungry. The baby was attacking her on all fronts, that day. Apparently french fries was that day’s craving, but she hadn’t packed any and she hadn’t brought any spare change to buy some.

 “French fries?” Katara offered as she dropped into her seat.

 “Oh, God Katara, you’re a lifesaver.” She grabbed a handful of fries and hesitated. “How many can I steal?”

 Katara laughed. “All of them, the school’s fries are gross and covered in grease.”

 “I think most french fries are.” Suki noted. But right now that didn’t really matter, she grabbed them up without remorse. “The baby says thank you.” She laughed. It felt good to laugh and make light of a heavy situation.

 “Does Suki also say thanks?” Katara laughed along.

 Her face went jokingly sour, “not at all, Suki is to pregnant and grumpy for gratitude.” She shoveled down a few more fries before asking, “is today going any better for you?”

 Katara shook her head. “Not really. Well, since you’ve gotten back to school, it’s been at least a little better.”

 Suki finished swallowing and smiled. “Just give me some names and I’ll show them.”

 Katara eyed the baby bump. “I don’t think so. Until that baby is born, you’re going to have to resist hunting jocks.”

 Suki folded her arms over her chest. That was just one more reason to resent her predicament. She really, really wanted to knock some jocks on their asses. She knew at least two who could use a good pop.

 Katara’s face sobered, “promise me that you’ll take it slow, I don’t want the baby to get hurt.”

 Perhaps it was the hormones again, or maybe she really did have a solid reason to be upset, either which way her face went warm with anger. “What about Suki!?” She snapped. “Everyday, everyone always asks, ‘what about the baby, what about the baby?’ Doesn’t anyone care of Suki gets hurt!?”

 Katara flinched, causing Suki to wince too, immediately she regretted the outburst.

 “Of course, I care if you get hurt. But I already know that you can handle yourself and power through things, I’m not so sure about the baby.” Katara replied softly, reminding Suki that there was a whole lunchroom of people waiting for new material to discuss. Boy had she given it to them.

 “Sorry, I don’t know where that came from.” She apologized.

 “No sleep. Too much kicking. I understand.” Katara smiled. “How about we talk about something else? The Directions just released some new music!”

 Katara always did know the right things to say.

Maybe that kind of thing ran in the family.

 .oOo.

 Katara wasn’t there though, when she sat alone in her room listening to her parents argue about who exactly rose their daughter wrong and who was to blame for her going out and getting herself pregnant. Surely it was her mother for not giving her the birds and bees talk. But, no, clearly it was her father’s fault for not doing the whole, intimidating, ‘dads against daughters dating’ spiel with Sokka.

 She tried to block it out with some translating. Foreign language was her favorite class thus far, she genuinely enjoyed it. Running over all of the words took at least some focus off of the shouting match down the hall. But there were only so many questions on one work sheet and she was running out of them.

 So she sent Sokka another quick text, this one was about how school was going for her.

Decent.

It was going decent. Normally it would be going good or splendid, but this year it was only going decent. She told him about the new dress she found at a thrift store—it was rather cute as far as maternity dresses went.

 She knew that he would reply to that one and he would keep replying unless she mentioned that it was a maternity dress and that her year was only going decent because she had a kicking baby to hinder her. He always seemed to go silent when she brought up their baby.

 On one occasion she had asked what he wanted to name it. She had expected at least an, ‘I don’t know, I’m not good with naming, you pick it’, or something of the sort. But he had ignored the text entirely. Over an hour later he texted her about his day at school.

Any time she brought the baby up, he would change the subject.

 It must be nice to be able to skip off to a higher end university and pretend like nothing was amiss. She loved Sokka with all of her soul, but he was no dad. At this point it was all about finding the right words to break his heart with.

[wannawrite]

Hundredth - LYJ 2

who?: Nine Percent’s Lin Yanjun genre: 🌺 type: bullet point TW: toxic relationship blog navigator. part two / two 

part one You love yanjun, I love yanjun. pls read part one first!! sorry for the lateness, school just started up again and it’s been so hectic :((( - admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

two things 

one: you felt absolutely shitfaced

two: you dreamed about meeting a handsome dude and giving him your jewelry

losing money

fantastic

but hey, he was cute though

head sore, back aching and the urge to throw up all the alcohol consumed last night, you didn’t want to pry your memory for details

your dating life was now non-existent

that hurt

it was very real

and very tragic 

the pain of realisation must’ve triggered your imagination to create your

ideal soulmate

tall 

handsome 

playful 

sexy 

all in one package 

he was no Ken doll 

not a trace of any of Yang’s characteristics 

a scowl edged itself onto your face at the thought of your ex-fiancé 

who was in Paris chasing the woman of his dreams, mind you

if only Evan was a real human and not some figment of your imagination 

you would have married him in an instant 

unfortunately, Evan was a mere hologram of your expectations

thus, you were doomed to stay single 

your back hit the soft bed with a thump 

sigh 

I just want to go back to sleep 

so Evan and I can keep meeting in our dreams 

想要牵着你的手到我们的梦中梦游

wait! 

this is still Yang’s apartment,,,that I used to call ‘home’ 

I lied to myself 

he’ll be back from his ‘business trip’ tonight

I have to pack up and get the hell out of here! 

f*ck, I wasted time daydreaming about something so useless

ouch! my head 

what the hell! why can’t anything go my way for once

you groped around to find balance, vision distorted, dizziness settling into your brain 

i’m never drinking again! 

what happened last night? 

.....did I? 

so, I got drunk, drew up my little own Ken doll in my head

lost almost 250 million worth of gems that aren’t mine

your face began to flush red 

lol at least Yang won’t have them either 

he designed that entire collection with her in his head 

that aside, I’m never getting drunk again 

carelessly, your hand swept over the bedside table

effectively knocking over most of the items 

indistinct clinks and clatters filled the empty space 

then, a soft ping of a tiny item hitting the carpeted ground caught your attention 

squinting against the sunlight, your eyes searched for the object 

even though it was mildly damaging to your retinas, the sunlight caused the object to sparkle

your hands curved around the smooth metal

fingers traced the distinctive carvings along the band 

Cartier 

upon closer inspection, you noticed that there was a strip of paper wrapped around it 

cautiously, you unwrapped it 

‘I’m sorry’ was scrawled on the paper 

it made your breath hitch in your throat 

who was apologising? 

what for? 

‘Don’t worry, things will start looking up from here. - E’

E v a n 

your hands began to shake uncontrollably

either in excitement or anxiety - you weren’t sure 

evan was real 

he had returned your Cartier bracelet 

at least he had kept your damned engagement ring 

throw it out or whatever, you didn’t care about that chunk of space rock anymore 

hopefully, Evan had burned in it an incinerator 

hopefully, he would run back to slip a new one on your finger 

NO!

lmao you just swore off relationships yesterday

and now you’re desperate for a guy to sweep you off your feet 

but this wasn’t just any guy 

he was your guy

your dream guy 

drunk or not, you knew he was a 12/10 personality wise

or maybe,,,you just haven’t met anyone befitting of your standards

tbh idk if that’s grammatically correct

were you just desperate because of a broken heart? 

god no

Yang didn’t deserve your prized heart

Evan though…

Was he a real, breathing man with blood flowing through his veins and sunlight gracing his skin? 

Could he be the person you had been looking for? 

Would you ever have a future together? 

There were just too many questions

and too few answers 

but what were the chances of you ever meeting Evan again? 

what were the odds of him coming back into your life again? 

outside of your dreamland

There was absolutely no guarantee that this note was genuine too 

Someone could just be pulling a gross prank 

Maybe there was a thief and he had just pretended to be Evan

had you been robbed last night? 

NO I’M THINKING TOO FAR 

Evan is off limits since he’s currently still a fictional dude 

besides, it would be creepy to just keep dreaming about this guy 

if he even exists 

This itself is creepy...only because I can’t remember anything 

a shudder shook your shoulders as you clambered off the bed 

ew 

your mind had to be made 

right now

two things: 

No, I won’t go searching for him 

Yes, I’ll quit thinking about him 

or anyone for that matter 

It’s about time I enjoy my life while single and youthful 

Time to pack up my things

Leave this apartment 

the Cartier bracelet slid onto your wrist perfectly 

this,,,you would keep closely 

you marched out of the building with confidence in your stride

even your bags were tugged with strength and determination 

no more Yang 

no more Evan 

no more relationships

...for some time at least

just me, I’m content being single 

however, if you had been honest with yourself

your heart would not begin to tug your brain in the opposite direction 

~

‘I lied when I said this necklace was worth 17 million,’ Cheng Xiao revealed.

‘It’s that value multiplied by nine. 

A hundred and fifty-three million dollar necklace 

and that amount would double after the deal was sealed 

Yanjun’s guilty conscience began to awake

he,,,stole close to 250 million in an unfair squabble 

The nine leaders surrounding the table were clearly shocked by the discovery 

Cheng Xiao chuckled

She knew those boys wouldn’t bother to wholly invest themselves in the jewelry 

The necklace was not theirs to keep anyway 

It was a mere pawn in this game 

There was 0.00% chance that YingYang Gems would continue their showcase 

the necklace was supposed to debut in that collection 

looks like they had to wait until Hundredths returned the gems

more likely than not, YingYang Gems would be forced to pull a plug on the showcase 

which would give Yuehua Jewellers the window to be the only top-tier jewelry debuting a new collection this month 

Hundredths held a huge amount of shares in Yuehua Jewellers 

believe me, I did research on this 

Cheng Xiao was not going to lose them all 

‘Once their stock market rises, so will our shares,’ Cheng Xiao explained, gesturing to a chart. ‘Jieqiong will decide when to buy and sell.’ 

Yanjun didn’t understand the specifics mentioned but he got the rough idea 

sort of 

he left issues like these to Xukun, Linong 

Cheng Xiao and Xukun continued to explain and discuss the situation 

Yanjun tuned out to most of it

His job was done 

he felt that he no longer wanted to play a part in this particular operation 

He just felt so damn stupid for allowing his feelings to get caught up in his work 

Yanjun felt like leaving the meeting room but he dug his heels into the carpet, forcing himself to stay 

His work was constantly emotionally and physically draining, yes 

but never like this 

Cheng Xiao glanced at the clock on the wall 

‘Okay. That’s all for today. We’ll discuss further when there’s an update from YingYang or Yuehua. Good work!’ 

Yanjun smiled and clapped along with everyone 

He was genuinely proud and happy for his mentor and fellow comrades 

It was just his own emotions that got in the way 

‘I want to praise Yanjun for doing such an excellent job at acquiring the goods. An applause for him please! Bro did well,’ Xukun suddenly announced. 

He had good intentions - Yanjun could tell by the look in his eyes

Xukun meant well 

his friends praised him with good wishes and slaps on the back 

The more attention and recognition he received, the nauseous feeling only grew 

Yanjun finally caught a breath when he slipped out of the meeting room and headed towards the gymnasium 

at this hour, the gym would usually have one or two athletes exercising 

it was an awkward hour between late lunch and early dinner time

true enough, Ziyi and Yuntian were the only two in the huge complex

Yuntian as in Zhu Yuntian, 1/2 on the slept on Zhu twins 

‘Hey bro,’ Ziyi greeted warmly as Yanjun stepped into the gym. 

Yuntian smiled from his place on a weight machine 

‘It’s great you’re keeping to your workout schedule,’ Ziyi beamed. ‘That ensures you’re always healthy for more missions like these.’ 

‘And hopefully a daily dose of endorphins keep that scowl off your face,’ Yuntian joked

that managed to crack a small smile from Yanjun 

Yanjun began to stretch as a warm up 

‘Jun, you did well. You’re happy with yourself, aren’t you?’ 

Yanjun’s mouth went dry, he pressed his lips together 

‘Of course, all of us worked hard for this mission,’ he forced the words out through gritted teeth 

brainwashing himself to focus on the benefits was harder than imagined 

Ziyi furrowed his thick brows

‘I-it’s j-just...you seem to be a bit glum and undermining yourself. I want you to know how great you performed.’ 

Ziyi

‘It must’ve been so difficult getting in there,’ 

Please

‘Especially when Zhangjing and I went offline and you were left by yourself,’ 

Stop 

‘I realised how much you’ve improved and I must commend you on that,’ 

Talking

‘Yanjun, you’re so amazing-‘ 

‘ZIYI!’ Yanjun finally exploded 

He didn’t mean to 

truly 

Ziyi was going what he thought would uplift Yanjun, it’s what any good friend would do 

shocked by his outburst, Ziyi stumbled back, losing his composure 

even Yuntian stopped his exercise to find out what had happened 

Yanjun bit down hard on his lips 

he had to calm down before he spoke

otherwise, a dear friend could be hurt by his words 

His words had already taken away many things 

He wasn’t about to lose his dear friend 

‘Ziyi, I’m sorry I reacted that way,’ Yanjun began by apologising

he gripped onto Ziyi’s shoulders but not in a domineering manner 

he just had to ensure his best friend wouldn’t slip away 

Yanjun sighed. ‘I-I’ve just been worn out from this mission and I’m trying to think of other things.’ 

Ziyi nodded. ‘Of course, of course.’ 

ways to cheer Ziyi up 

clogs in his brain reeled to find an appropriate solution 

‘You know, let’s take a break and get a coffee from the nearby cafe.’ 

~

manwhore: I know you stole my new collection. Return it to me, or you’ll pay 

manwhore: don’t think for a minute that I won’t press charges 

hiss hiss hoe: there’s evidence you left MY apartment with a big ass suitcase 

hiss hiss hoe: you can’t possibly have that many things just own up that you took the collection and I’ll drop the charges 

hiss hiss snake: listen, call my lawyer by 10pm today and all is even

just reading your messed up texts gets my blood boiling 

dumbass 

you: I don’t take shit that doesn’t mean anything to me 

you: you’ve got the wrong person 

you: the apartment was already wrecked when I got there and whoever was there had left ages ago 

*snake is calling* 

*call declined* 

*snake is calling* 

*call declined* 

*snake is calling* 

‘What!’ you snapped, causing customers seated around you to divert their attention. 

‘What the hell do you want? I don’t want anything to do with you!’ 

‘You know what I want,’ your ex-fiancé’s voice crackled. ‘I want you to return my collection by today or I’m going ahead with the police.’ 

‘I didn’t take your shit,’ you growled in frustration, exasperated. ‘I’m not playing childish games here, Yang.’ 

yes, I wore the jewelry but when I woke up only my Cartier bracelet was left 

I genuinely don’t know what happened!

but it isn’t my problem

Yang sighed from the other end of the line, most likely in annoyance. ‘Fine, be like that. I’m coming over to your townhouse with my lawyer to negotiate. Don’t drag our parents into this, you’ve already delayed the launch. That’s enough from you.’ 

the line went dead on the other side before you had a chance to protest 

your phone thudded onto the table as you buried your head in your hands

in the queue, Yanjun, Yuntian, and Ziyi were well aware of your situation 

their keen ears had heard it all 

‘What are we going to do?’ Yanjun hissed. ‘We can’t let Yang do this.’ 

‘Honestly, I don’t think there’s much we can do at this point.’ Yuntian looked uncertain, shaking his head. 

‘But if we allow Yang to press charges and call the police, we’re at a bigger risk of being found out. How did he get back from Paris so fast?’ 

oh no 

Ziyi shot him a strange look. ‘Paris? I know he was due back tonight but wasn’t he in the city the whole time?’ 

cover blown 

‘Jun ge, a-are you hiding something from us?’ Yuntian asked

Ziyi sipped his mocha latte, 

‘Okay,’ Yanjun said. ‘Let me explain.’ 

it was hard to whisper in hushed tones through their masks AND with the person in question sitting less than 5 tables away 

also, Ziyi and Yuntian weren’t the most helpful by ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ at Yanjun’s every word 

once he was done with his storytelling, the table went silent as they were all deep in thought 

Ziyi huffed, feeling clueless as to what to do 

‘We have to help them for the sake of protecting ourselves,’ he voiced after awhile 

Yuntian and Yanjun nodded attentively 

‘Okay,’ Ziyi muttered after a while. ‘I have a plan.’ 

~

when Ziyi said he had a plan...I didn’t think we were going to be waiting outside their townhouse 

stalking is more of an accurate choice of words 

this is so stupid,,,and creepy 

but what else could we really do 

Zhangjing had already gotten their information 

Ziyi had said that Yang’s force would definitely pressure you into accepting his offer 

and that was when the Hundredths came in 

they were going to pretend to be Yuehua representatives and lawyers whatever role they could find 

if you know YingYang Gems, you certainly know how Yuehua Jewellers is pitted against them 

the townhouse seemed compact and cozy yet modern and elegant

clearly, it had not been lived in for a very long time 

in fact, the only occupants were the monthly housemaids 

Yanjun spotted your shoes strewn across the porch, a sign of your hasty arrival and departure to get coffee 

from a mile away, Yuntian announced your arrival 

unfortunately, a black Mercedes Benz was quickly making its way down the lane too 

too fast if Yanjun may add 

Yang on one end 

you on the other 

this wasn’t going to be pretty 

Yanjun braced himself for a hissy fight 

Probably most of the pettiness from YingYang 

as expected, Yang’s car reached first 

his car ignored the trio, nearly crashing into them 

a polished, suited driver stepped out of the car to punch a code into the keypad 

red began to shade his cheeks when the gate let out an alarming buzz, signaling the password was wrong 

furious, Yang stuck his head out of the window and barked, ‘What! They changed the password! Not like that would stop me! Try again!’

then, he noticed Yuntian, Ziyi, and Yanjun 

his lips curled into a nasty sneer 

‘Who are you? Get away from my house!’ He snarled defensively 

Yanjun had to bite his lips to stop the laughter 

‘If it is indeed your house,’ Ziyi began smoothly, mockingly almost. ‘Wouldn’t you know the password?’ 

Yang’s temper only blew up, his face reddened in anger. ‘Of course, I do! My fiancé must’ve changed the password, thieves these days....I’ll contact them right now! Off my property! My lawyer is sitting in my car.’ 

so many ‘my’s, Yanjujn rolled his eyes 

Yang ordered his driver to try again and even suggested breaking in 

‘I don’t think you break into houses you call your own,’ Yanjun snapped, unable to take any more of his insolence. 

Especially since he had heard your side of the story

Yang’s current behaviour only confirmed his suspicions 

his shirt was made out of 100% dickhead material 

‘What’s going on?’ 

three strangers, one shiny black all-too-familiar car with two all-too-familiar passengers were parked right in front of your house 

‘Darling!’ Yang’s fake sugary tone made you want to throw hot coffee in his face 

‘I was trying to stop these...these hooligans! from breaking into our house.’ 

the blood rushing through your veins began to boil like a tempest 

‘The only hooligan here is you. We’re done, get away from my property,’ you fired back. ‘Leave my representatives alone!’ 

the company of three strangers seemed much better than his at that moment 

guys, idw to be that person, but please do be careful around people you don’t know 

suddenly, the window rolled down to reveal a woman sitting in the back seat

Yanjun’s breath hitched in his throat when he spotted the giant rock on her ring finger 

‘Sweetheart,’ she shrieked. ‘Are we done here yet? I want to head inside, sort out this lawyer thing and go shopping for our wedding already.’ 

the sobs you choked back were so visible to Yanjun. You were trying your best to keep your emotions a bay 

it wasn’t only your anger but his 

‘Wow, Mr Yang I will say you have guts to act this way,’ he growled. ‘Our client has just parted ways with you after two years of engagement and more of betrothal without the slightest bit of a wedding in mind.’ 

‘And here you are, already planning a dream wedding to someone you’ve met a week ago after cruelly ditching your ex. Then, you have the audacity to accuse them, force them to meet your lawyer at their house, claiming the house was yours.’ 

Yang opened his mouth to reply but Yanjun didn’t even spare him a second to shut it 

‘And you bring your new fiancé along to humiliate my client. If it truly is a legal matter between the two of you like you claim it to be, her presence isn’t required.’ 

your jaw dropped open and shut many times and you couldn’t stop thinking about how this mysterious man looked so,,, familiar 

Recognisable

but you had to save your pride right now. ‘You’ve met my representatives, we’re here for a meeting. Go before I call the police.’ 

‘This house is in my name.’ 

Thankfully, the car sped off without another word from the passengers

your jelly legs sank on the pavement, breathes coming out in short bursts 

‘T-thanks the help,’ you whispered. ‘D-do I know you from somewhere?’ 

Yanjun shook his head, eyes sparkling

he offered to help you up 

‘Unfortunately not but, we’re here to help you.’

He had a smooth way of talking, you noted. Bad sign, bad sign. All the charming ones will are heartbreaking bad boys 

but isn’t that a trait of your Ken doll Evan? 

the raven-haired, man bun sporting man cleared his throat and stepped forward 

‘We’re representatives from Yuehua Jewellers and there are some issues we would like to discuss regarding YingYang Gems.’ 

if they were Yuehua, they had to take your side 

three strangers in your house isn’t a problem when you have about ten bodyguards inside 

the gate let out a friendly beep and slid open without trouble after you had keyed in the password 

‘If it’s about boycotting Yang,’ you said, gesturing for them to enter. ‘Then, be my guest.’

~

The ‘meeting’ was successful on both terms 

Yanjun couldn’t be more ecstatic that you were finally getting away from Yang - at least for a while 

but he had to keep his true identity a secret at all times, no matter what 

However, the ‘subtle, casual’ looks that you gave him didn’t go unnoticed at all 

it was SO obvious that your brain was reeling to provide answers to your burning questions 

my last three brain cells during an exam: 

as much as Yanjun wanted to answer them himself, he restrained himself from doing so 

Now, you only knew him as Jun

That was how it was supposed to stay 

but Yanjun wasn’t sure if his heart would allow it 

…

did,,, did he really admit that? 

he can’t 

emotions and work don’t match, it would only complicate things 

yet, he would surely crumble if you pressed any further 

in order to protect himself, to protect his brothers and to protect  you, Yanjun stayed far far away from you 

he sent relatively harmless people out to meet and update you 

you only held Ziyi’s contact 

Yanjun was doing all this to keep you safe 

from him 

but it was the smallest of details that gave away his attraction 

like how he pestered Cheng Xiao for an update on the transaction every hour

or how he snuck glances over Ziyi’s shoulder when he was texting you 

he also snuck out with zheng ruibin to keep tabs on Yang, to ensure he was no longer harassing you

dread was gnawing at him from all sides 

he felt as if eyes were glaring bullet holes into him even in the safety of his room 

Yanjun lay on his bed, ears tuned into the goodnight wishes of his corridor mates 

he had to sort out his life right now

first of all, he had gotten all heart-eyed when he met you and then charmed away your jewelry 

he felt guilty for worsening your emotional breakdown AND for letting his own emotions get in the way of his work

now, he was trying to solve your problem

but Yanjun wasn’t going to waltz into your life, sweep you off your feet and propose to you 

because he knew he didn’t deserve to 

either way, he can’t satisfy both sides of a Gemini 

Yanjun was not mistaking pity for attraction, he was schooled enough to know that 

he wasn’t going to f*ck up your life and feelings more than he already had

Yanjun was placed in a tight spot 

knowing him would only put you in more danger 

so no matter what happened, for the sake of your sanity and safety 

He had to withstand the pressure crushing his shoulders, go against the wind and grow against the sun 

only diamonds come out of the rough

A Hundredth had no excuse not to 

two days later, Yang’s collection was returned safely and anonymously 

the launch continued 

but by then, Yuehua had garnered the majority of the media’s attention and public eye 

beneficial 

today was essentially your last chance to get rid of the thought that bugged your mind 

Jun 

Evan 

why did both of them seem so,,, alike?

to clear up things, you decided that there was indeed a guy named Evan in your life

and the idea of it was absolutely mortifying 

curiosity killed the cat,,,but the cat does have nine lives 

if you did indeed dump your problems and jewelry through your mini cryfest on some poor dude, you had the right to know 

from the start, YH representative Jun had caught your eye 

he was calculating, cheeky, playful and intelligent all together 

he also reminded you of someone 

personality wise 

you remembered Evan had a light silvery tint to his hair, a pair of dimples, deep voice and large eyes 

your ideal ‘Ken doll’

Jun was definitely your type

nevermind, Evan didn’t have to exist if you had Jun

had

you wouldn’t ever be able to breathe the same air as him

Jun was slowly slipping away from you

in fact, the last time you heard of his existence was yesterday night

when Zacharie was texting you and mentioned a component that Jun would manage

take the Z from Ziyi and IE from Boogie and you get Zacharie

trying to make up fake names on the spot

there were so many burning questions at the tip of your tongue

Jun resembled Evan so closely

,,,were you confusing reality and fiction? are you going mad?

annoyed, you let out a huff and flopped onto your bed

men could be so infuriating and irritating!

you: hi Zacharie, thank you for all your help these few days. Please thank the team at Yuehua on my behalf. To properly bid you farewell, I ordered some small gifts for the office. It would be great if you could send someone to pick them up! Thanks!

mhm

Zacharie and Jun won’t even know what hit them

truthfully, you didn’t have any farewell gifts because you never wanted to part

you: assistant lu please prepare appropriate tokens of appreciation for colleagues by 2pm today

~ 

why why why why why! 

the same mantra kept chanting over and over in Yanjun’s head

he had been so desperately trying to avoid you at all costs yet here he was, at your front gate

Ziyi had specifically said this errand was for him to run

currently, the only running Yanjun wanted to do was to run away from his responsibilities

to his surprise, it was you who opened the door and not your bodyguard

‘Hi! Come in for a minute,’ you greeted enthusiastically

Yanjun wondered how you could be so bubbly

well, you had the right to be after getting Yang off your back

‘Everything’s in here!’ you beamed, handing him paper bags with stamped with a brand name you couldn’t even pronounce

Yanjun smiled earnestly, taking the bags from you

your fingers brushed against his for a moment and sparks ignited through your body

‘Jun, would you something to drink? Coffee perhaps?’

Wow, every word you said sounded so formal and robotic

this was very unlike you

were you nervous? around a guy?

Never!

then again, the only guys you had encountered were the middle school boyfriend, college cheater, and Yang

so,,,that was a possibility

Yanjun politely declined much to your dismay

He mentioned that Zacharie needed him back at the office for a board meeting soon

sighing, you nodded understandingly

‘Sure, you should get going soon. Thanks for all the help these few days.’

you ran a hand through your hair as you spoke

Yanjun caught sight of the Cartier bracelet securely clasped on your wrist

the one piece he decided not to steal

‘Nice Cartier,’ he complimented. ‘Very classy and iconic.’

damn Yanjun, you’re the smoothest guy on this planet and all you come up with is ‘nice Cartier’? 

impressive 

however, you face practically lit up at his compliment

‘Thank you! It was the first piece I bought with my own money,’ you revealed with pride. 

Yanjun paused at the driveway to slip his shoes back on 

which gave you time to work up the courage 

‘Hey, Jun.’

he hummed in reply 

you tried to make your tone sound as nonchalant as possible. ‘Uh, I figured you would be in touch with many of these... jewelry specialists...’ 

oh no 

Yanjun tried not to tense visibly. Instead, he offered a tight-lipped smile 

‘Um, I know this is far-fetched but would you know of anyone named Evan?’ 

E v a n 

Evan is standing right in front of you 

In your doorway 

Evan is lying 

Right in your face 

Evan doesn’t deserve you 

Because he messed up 

Yanjun shook his head and pushed back the whirlwind of emotions that was taking shape 

‘Nope, I’m sorry. I don’t know anyone of that name,’ he lied perfectly. ‘Why?’ 

Oh, the audacity 

you leaned against the doorframe, mildly disappointed 

‘Nothing. H-he just seemed really knowledgeable about gems. My cousin and I met him at...at a place near your office so I just-‘ you kept yourself from rambling. 

the silver-haired man chuckled softly at your outburst 

‘Y-you just resembled him a bit. Tall, tan, dyed hair, large eyes. Haha, thought he was a colleague or something,’ you fibbed, making up a story on the spot 

sadness flooded your lungs and made it hard to breathe, fires of vex scorched your skin and made it blister 

Jun obviously had no interest and to compare him with Evan! oh wow 

who even does this 

the moment would’ve turned awkward if Jun didn’t announce that Zacharie had begun texting him and bid you farewell with sincerity 

there was no need to rush 

he could explain everything

but what good would it do him 

what good would it do you? 

‘Jun!’ you called out as he was about to step outside, dashing after him without slippers 

‘I-i-is it okay i-if we stay in contact? I-I-. Can we b-be friends? We’re around the same age? It’ll be nice to know someone nearby.’ 

sentences began with stammers and ended with stumbles 

alarm bells rang in his head

Flustered, Jun fought to find an appropriate response 

Words got caught in his throat, they froze, then evaporated into thin air

‘Yes,’ he finally coughed out. ‘We can stay in contact but...I think it would be much better for us to stay as colleagues.’ 

hurt crumbled your features no matter how hard you forced them to stay upright 

‘Oh, o-of course.’ 

of course, you had been too immature, too caught up in the moment

too fresh from a breakup and looking in the wrong places for a rebound 

Yanjun’s smile seemed sympathetic but he too was struggling to keep his feelings at bay 

‘Goodbye. I’m sure there will be projects for us to work on again. Rest early.’ 

In the safety of Hundredth HQ, Yanjun let crystal tears slip out from his pearl-like orbs 

usually gleaming with fun, suavity,  perfection 

the mafia had made him focused, strong, bold and quick

and it was your diamonds that didn’t just scratch the surface of the onyx plating 

but pierced right through it and pricked his soft golden heart

~

honestly, i’m not super satisfied with this :((( 

it took me THREE weeks to write but it was interrupted by camp and school so my train of thought was lost

i’M SO SORRY

hopefully,,,school gets easier so I can focus on what I like to do

love all of you lots💓💓💓

[damehawkeye]

I really fucking hate Adulting.

I got my new rental agreement offer since my lease for my apartment is almost up. They’re raising my rent $95 a month, which is more than the last 3 increases combined. I’ve been searching for a new apartment for almost the entire time I’ve lived here.

I’m looking for something in a 100x70 mile section of my state, and if anything is available it’s even more outside my financial restrictions. I’ve even given up on finding a place that will let me keep my cat! He’s fine, he’s had to be at my parents house for the last year anyway because of health issues; so it’s not like I’d have to give him away, but I miss him like hell. But no, there is nothing anywhere.

I’m so stressed that I’m nauseous most of the time. I feel bad that every conversation comes down to money. I just had to tell 3 of my dearest friends that I can’t afford to go on our planned vacation next year, and it was absolutely gut wrenching. Even with meds, my depression is usually a hair-trigger away from spiraling. One of my coping mechanisms that has worked for the past 12 years is having something to look forward to. Usually the next Con, or trip with friends. Now I have nothing. I can’t afford conventions anymore which has been my one beacon of where I belong since my first single show con and first regular con that a dear friend took me to after I had lost my job. And I can’t afford our trip we had planned that was to the ONE place that makes me so damn happy my face hurts.

Now there’s nothing. Everyday is another day being stuck alone in my shity apartment with nothing to look towards but another day being stuck alone in my shity apartment. My Bestie does her best, but there is a lot going on in her life. So the only time we get to see each usually is when she helps me run errands since I don’t have transportation. If it wasn’t for Google hangouts letting me talk online with my friends in the UK everyday, I’d have gone fucking crazy.

Hell, for the longest time I used to buy stuff online so I could at least have a package to look forward to; but I can’t even do that anymore. The rent increase is the same as my food budget! I already have cut out almost everything I can from my shopping list each time to try and save money. My boss was horrified when I told her that I couldn’t afford to get fresh meat. If my choice is $5 for a bag of frozen fish sticks that is 3 meals or a pound of ground beef for 1 meal… I wonder what I’m gonna choose!! I scrimped and saved for the last friends trip by eating nothing but cheesey rice twice a day, every day, for a few months because it was the only way to save money to eat on the trip. Now it’s going to be so I can afford to have a roof over my head.

People try to be helpful and make suggestions, I explain why the suggestions don’t work for me, they get mad at me for shooting them down. Like I haven’t been asked these same questions over and over and over again? Why don’t you do house share and find a room to rent with other people? My anxiety wouldn’t let me relax or sleep around strangers, and I genuinely don’t trust people for a very long time. Why don’t you just get a friend to roommate with you? Because I only have 1 friend in the state and she is in a fixed living situation so there isn’t any options to roommate with anyone.

I’m just so tired all the time of the stress and everything, I just want it to end. I’m not suicidal, nor do I think I ever could be. But at the same time, I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to be here anymore. Between my health issues, mental issues, and financial issues. I’m just done. I just want to go back to my smile place. Unfortunately it’s one of the more expensive places you could ever go for a vacation. I just want to stop hurting.

I try to distract myself with my hobbies (crafting and video games); but some days even that doesn’t help. I have so many WIP projects that it’s not even funny, but at the same time I end up switching when a project isn’t distracting me anymore. It’s not helping, it’s cluttering things, and I never feel accomplished. But if it’s not distracting me then in just becomes work.

I didn’t mean to ramble. I honestly didn’t mean to open the floodgates as much as I did. But even so, this is just the proverbial tip of the iceberg. There’s just so much and I’m drowning. Hell, I honestly feel like I am at the moment because my chest is so tight. I should probably delete this, and not bother anyone with my bullshit, but what the fuck. Maybe putting it out to the aether will help…