#like genuinely it was worse not knowing than it is to know it’s terminal

[kyluxtrashpit]

So just an update on old cat. We had her appointment with the specialist today (cw pet health issues, terminal illness)

So while it’s not brain cancer, the eye specialist is certain it is still cancer. There are treatment options but they are Not Great and even surgery would, at best, buy her some more time. Because of the location, it’s impossible to get it all, so it would come back. Possibly more aggressive too. Even surgery plus radiation would be unlikely to cure her. And all of that would be really unpleasant for her to go through

So we’re not going to do any of that at her age. He also said the steroids are probably doing nothing so we’ll take her off them too (they may have reduced some inflammation early on, thus suggesting they were helping but they probably never did any good in reality). She’s not in any pain right now so main thing is keep her happy and keep the area lubricated

At some point she will start showing signs of pain and that’s when the time will come. We don’t know when and it won’t be immediately, but whether she’ll see 2024 or not is unknown

It’s not good news, but it’s also not really worse news than when we thought it was in the brain. The only difference is what symptoms we’ll be watching for to know when the time comes. So as much as it sucks, I’d already accepted roughly this outcome months ago. I feel mostly relieved just because now I know what it is and I have an idea of what’s coming. I didn’t really seriously think there was a chance it wasn’t cancer, so the prognosis itself is still the same as I expected

Anyway. That’s the update. It’s not great but I’m okay, unfortunately our sweet little kitties are in fact mortal. She’s 16-17 years old and she’s had a great life. And she will continue to have a great life for as long as I can give it to her. I’m buying a steak for her when I go grocery shopping this week and she’s gonna get whatever little treats her fluffy heart desires for the rest of her life

[patchesjam]

i hope prezoh kills himself in th emost grpahic way psosible. i will not elaborate on this at all dont ask.

[merakiui]

wait i wanna hear about one of the girls azul 👀👀👀👀👀 or even one of the girls tweels

He's like the sister you've never had, which is arguably worse than the friend zone AND the brother zone. You really do see him as one of your girl besties... but this is fine! Azul can work with this. He's resourceful, after all.

You tell Azul everything. He doesn't even have to resort to underhanded methods to get information out of you. You just have a tendency to overshare. Whether that's by ranting to him over long, late-night video calls while you do your nightly routine or through text, Azul always listens. He does genuinely care and want to know more, but then he also enjoys learning new facts about you. He has an entire spreadsheet with names of people you hate/like, your preferences, your favorite brands, your favorite restaurants, etc.

Sometimes when the two of you hang out and go shopping together you pull him into the lingerie stores to look for cute sets, not thinking anything of it. Azul has to stand there and enthusiastically hype you up while internally fighting off the horny thoughts whenever you lift one of the frilly, lacy sets up to yourself and ask him if he thinks it would look good on you. Yes. Oh, Neptune, YES. YES, OF COURSE IT WOULD LOOK GOOD. He's salivating, his dick is salivating,,,,,, please buy it. Please please please please. He'll even pay. OTL

😔 born to beg and whimper for a crumb of your pussy, but forced to be one of the girlies instead and say: "Oh, you'd look super cute in that! You should so get it." as if his dick isn't straining in his slacks. His case of blue balls is terminal. T_T

[nintendont2502]

just saw ur caste dating discourse post and realized meulin would've been lambasted by all of those groups for getting w the 2 highest landdwelling castes. kankri would write her callout post. feferi would've been accused of coercing sollux to be w her etc etc

girl would be in the TRENCHES fighting off the waves of terminally online freaks kankri keeps sending her way,, someone save her

genuinely i dont think a single beta troll wouldve made it through the discourse unscathed LMAO

aradia? well clearly shes only with sollux because he could easily kill her w/ his psiionics (god help them if the grumblr mob ever finds out that he *did* technically do that one time)

tavros is held up as like the posterchild for why lowbloods and highbloods shouldnt be in quadrants even though he and vriska were uh. never in a quad together. does he try *telling* anyone that? probably not!

sollux? psiionics. threatening aradia into a quad. (also tbh getting into a quad with someone when youre a goldblood is lowkey problematic because what are they supposed to do after you're sent offplanet and helmed? its honestly really manipulative holding someones quad hostage only to leave them forever which is why all golds should take a vow of celibacy-) hes only making it worse by being an absolute dick to everyone involved and escalating shit so far that theres multiple attempts on his life and everyones *convinced* hes a serial manipulating asshole because lmao why would he tell those idiots theyre wrong

karkat? you mean that hemoanon freak thats probably just a highblood trying to pass himself off as a lower caste so he can manipulate lowbloods into his quads?

nepeta and equius would be torn APART - not only is he three castes higher than her, but hes also far physically stronger so clearly shes the weak defenseless victim here (they keep saying this even after she culls someone for it. nep im so sorry)

kanaya shouldnt even *be* in a quad since shes a jade and theyre meant to be sequestered (similar argument to golds where actually its really cruel and manipulative to be in a quad with someone when you know you two are going to be forced to be apart for sweeps - no they dont care that she left the caverns. she still shouldnt be doing that shit its a bad example for other jades smh)

terezis honestly the most divided because her relationships are either her and karkat (potential highblood, terezi might be victim *or* karkat is a lowblood and shes the one with power over him) or her and vriska (no one wants to know whats going on there). although tbh she is a lawyer which means she can get her quads tried and killed for whatever bullshit crime she can come up with if they try to leave :/ never date a cop lawyer folks

vriska. mind control. do i need to say more. every vriska relationship is toxic and awful and she wouldve been cancelled 50 times over if the ringleaders of her callout posts didnt mysteriously 'deactivate'

equius. too strong to date - how can you be in a quad with someone that not only has a shit ton of social power over you, but also could literally tear you apart if he wanted to. also lowkey problematic for making and fighting/kissing (??? its unclear online and no one wants to know) robots :/ like those are clearly stand ins for lowbloods that hes attacking/potentially fetishising and they literally have to do everything he says thats fucked up

gamzee. highblood. automatic oppressor. part of a niche religion - if you try to quad him you either have to convert (cultural (caste?) appropriation) or dont become part of the clurch (rude, disrespecting his beliefs). constant discourse about whether clowns can even consent to a quad because theyre presumably high all the time as part of their religious practices. constant discourse about how assuming clowns are high all the time as part of their religious practices is casteist as fuck.

eridan. somehow one of the least problematic trolls out of the group (which is saying a fucking LOT). only has quads with someone a caste higher than him (although that caste is fuschia. is he the victim here??). pursues lowbloods constantly though which is problematic as fuck (at least he doesnt kill them if they turn him down. the bar is on the fucking floor)

feferi. god forbid a woman do anything. pale with eridan? sure hes only a caste lower than her but also shes the literal fucking heiress - what was he gonna do, say no? he cant even hide in the ocean from her!! shes a seadweller too!! flushed with sollux? holy shit hes like 8 castes lower than her of fucking course he had to say yes! shes probably only dating him so she can helm him later anyway :/ really its problematic as shit for her to even have friendships with trolls of other castes because shes just using them without giving them the benefits of being in a quad (shes the literal heiress of course shes going to get whatever she wants from them) - but also if she stayed distant and didnt talk to anyone then shed be accused of being full of herself and thinking she was better than anyone else and #NotMyHeiress

[asexual-society]

I needed another ace's opinion on this or I was gonna go crazy. I feel so alone.

My best friend is allo and recently started to go to therapy. His therapist told him something to incinuate that my advice about romantic relationships was less valuable/productive because "our brains work differently" because I'm ace and he isn't.

He's upset that I'm upset about it when I believe this is just benevolent aphobia. I see it the same way as someone telling a straight person not to take advice from a gay person. Am I just making a big deal out of nothing? Why is my opinion less important/applicable because I don't have the same experience as someone else?

I personally don't think an aro or ace person's advice on relationships is less valuable just because our brains work differently or our experiences are different, I mean, for most other topics, asking someone impartial for advice is completely normal, even if you take that person's advice with a pinch of salt because they don't have firsthand knowledge of the situation. I've had my opinions and advice belittled countless times and I know how hurtful it can be, and there are times when someone's opinion on a subject is totally useless because they're not informed about it, but this isn't like asking your friend who can't drive for advice how to parallel park or your American friend about British politics,, culturally and socially we are fed a LOT about relationships all the time for our whole lives, even without firsthand experience, we absorb a lot of information, and that's not even accounting for the things we have actively sought out, or the experiences of aspec people who have been in relationships.

I understand that we might not fully understand how it feels to be allo and want relationships of whatever kind in the same way, but a lot of (not all, I'll grant you) ace and aro people know as much or more about aspects of sex and romance than your average allo purely on the basis of having had to learn about it ourselves, and I think we have incredibly valuable insights into relationships that are generally overlooked by people who take for granted that everyone feels the same way about sex and romance. Maybe my confidence is unearned, but I'm still here giving advice to strangers on the internet, and people keep asking for it, so someone must think my opinion is worthwhile, and if I can't give someone the advice or help a person needs, I'll just say that. The number of allo people who have terrible relationships and then give out terrible advice because of it is crazy, like. genuinely there's some actively dangerous advice being pedaled by allos, I think on average an ace or aro person acting in good faith can give advice of a similar quality to your average allo person's.

By the therapist's same logic you can't trust them with advice about how aspec people are, in fact you can't trust them to give advice about any mental or physical illness or disability they don't experience, which is obviously not how therapy works. Tbh, I'd argue that unless a therapist is aspec themselves or has been given decent training about aspec people, which generally speaking, they aren't (although there are some good ones), anything they have to say with regards to us is even less "valuable or productive" than what an aspec person thinks about relationships.

There will always be aspec people who give terrible advice, and trust me, I have heard some terminally online or just downright ignorant takes, but I've heard just as bad, if not worse from allo people, and acting like we're the problem sucks.

~ mod key

[good-beans]

hi i'd like to know about your transfem fuuta thoughts please. if that's ok

"if that's ok" as if I haven't been rotating transfem fuuta in my mind for a long time and dying for an excuse to post something 👀👀👀 Thank you so much Ah!! I was able to format my little ideas and headcanons into an actual write-up, I just love this concept so much! All the big murderous twists in the series and I’ll never get over it is what it is...

So, as much as I enjoy headcanons about some big revelation moment, I think that Fuuta Terminally Online Kajiyama has been very aware of his identity for a while. He just never really got the motivation to do anything about it. He knows he's not completely satisfied with his gender, but isn't constantly suffering over it, so he thinks telling people/transitioning would be way too much of a hassle at that point in his life. He also struggles with people taking him seriously given his height, attitude, etc -- unconsciously he's also worried it will only make matters worse in that area.

He wouldn't dare say anything to his parents, and wants to avoid hassle with his friends. People paint them as judgy incels sometimes, but if they were really calling out ‘bad guys’ online, I always got the vibe they were those annoying type of progressives who will harass people for not being accepting in the perfect correct way, you know? They'd be outwardly supportive but there's still a level of high expectations and performance that comes with it, and so deep down Fuuta understands there'd be a "hassle," but can't really define why.

I mentioned in another hc post that Fuuta and his sister have a silent supportive relationship. I feel like she's the one person in his life who knows everything and is super accepting -- this is understood even though neither have said anything out loud. (When he was younger, she definitely forced him into skirts, dresses, and accessories "to check something for her beautician work.") She's noticed all the times he's picked a female avatar in games, or cosplayed in ambiguous outfits.

Then, Milgram. Thinking his life will be over soon anyway, he opens up to a few of the prisoners about himself. Their unexpected openness keeps it on his mind more often than before. Still, nothing changes. Through some rocky verdicts, he's declared innocent and released.

Back in the real world, he's pretty fucked up from the whole ordeal, and starts off extremely isolated. He's in touch with his family, but distant. He maintains contact with some of the other released prisoners, but it starts off only over the phone. He changes schools or maybe drops out completely. Having deleted all online accounts after the incident, he gets to work setting up a new online presence. He was planning on using an alias anyways, and goes with something gender neutral. "To be extra safe that no one guesses it's me," he tells himself.

Letting his hair grow out begins as an accident -- just a side effect of never going out or minding his appearance. One day he realizes how long he's let it go and grabs some scissors to cut it. He makes a comment in his chat, and someone begs him to send a picture first. He goes to take it, but is suddenly disgusted and ashamed of his self-neglect. He's forced to make himself selfie presentable first: brushing his hair and throwing on something clean real quick. When he goes to take the picture, he realizes it looks good. It feels good. He puts the scissors away.

Soon, the prisoners/some new online friends coax Fuuta to hang out more. That's when she decides to reintroduce herself into society as someone new. She ventures out with the name of a favorite video game character. (I'm going to continue saying Fuuta because I genuinely can't name a single popular character from games she'd play, but just picture the most painfully obvious one you can. The kind you hear and go "oh okay. You play X too much, huh." And please send me your thoughts so I can work them into my own personal canon 👀) 

She doesn't have any hatred towards her deadname, it's more the pain of association: she remembers it said accusingly from the mouths of ex-friends. She remembers that name being called a murderer. She's not trying to deny/run from that past, she just wants to be someone better. Well, some days it is her way of running away, but most of the time it's a healthy separation from the past.

Encouraged by the positive reception and abundance of privacy in her isolation, she finally starts to explore her appearance more. Mikoto left behind some earrings during a visit -- she pierces her ears herself and tries them on. (If she doesn't like them, the holes will just heal, right? She's not weak, she can take a little pain...) Yuno/Mahiru stayed over once, and left a bit of makeup in the bathroom. She tries that on too. With a beautician in the family, this self-styling comes very easily. Fuuta's cowardly tendencies have her torn between embarrassment and her typical 'fuck you' attitude that she can do whatever she wants.

You know when you solve a tiny problem and suddenly you're smacked with how much of a huge problem it actually was? Fuuta never believed she had any issues before, but all of the sudden she's happier. Every day is easier. She has more friends. True friends. She does better with school/work. Her personality is still fiery, but it's more passion than irritability now. Self-hatred she didn't recognize starts melting away. She smiles more. She laughs more. She has plans for her future. She's excited about her future. 

(Shameless art plug hehe, before I had the timeline nailed down I did a little drawing of that selfie Fuuta takes when she realizes she's satisfied with this appearance, and now has newfound motivation to move forward in life.)

Over time she experiments with other elements of transitioning, and maybe changes her name to something a bit more subtle lol.

Unfortunately, I don't think it would go over well with her parents, but she never much cared for their opinions, anyway. One day a bit in the future, she bumps into her old friends in the street. Once recovering from panic, she's pleasantly surprised that they don't recognize her. Fuuta thought her appearance/fashion wasn't that different, but to fair, the friends figured they'd remember a stunning redhead with a very noticeable eye injury if they'd met before...

And just a few quick prisoner reactions (because in my heart they're all making it out ;--;):

Yuno has similar relationship as Fuuta's sister, offering immense help without unnecessary words. She's Fuuta’s go-to contact for trying new things and asking questions. 

When Mahiru first finds out, she goes a bit overboard with a makeover attempt. She and Muu provide their most frilly, glimmering outfits. They paint her nails and do makeup. They style her hair. This obviously turns out to be way too much, earning them a Fuuta-typical rant. Still, she's secretly moved by their enthusiasm and kindness. 

After that, designer Mikoto tries his hand at helping. Fuuta had been really worried the two of them would lose their guys nights out and relaxed friendship, but their relationship never changes.

Shidou is very accepting and very awkward. He's trying!! He gets excited, sending her all this information and help for medically transitioning.

Fuuta invites Kazui to their first pride parade <3

Though there's no return address on the package, Fuuta receives a gift of miscellaneous earrings and piercings in the mail with a note that they'd suit her well…

[tfp-is-my-lifeblood-lol]

hi I love your work

I wanna ask if I can request the tfp bots would react to meeting a bot that hates humanity because they meet a human child who they developed a deep bond with but was kill by some bad humans and after that day they despise and resent humans and just seeing one is a huge Berserk bottom for them

Sure! Love me some angst!

TFP Autobots Reacting to a Bot that Hates Humans (because humans killed the Bot's human partner)

Optimus Prime:

-Optimus would be deeply saddened by this Bot's story. He would hate to think about Earth's creatures being violent, and making the same mistakes that Cybertronians have in the past

-Despite this, he would remind the Bot that hating humans isn't the answer.

"I sympathize with the tragedy you have suffered, friend. The loss of an innocent life, one whom you were close with, at the hands of any creature, is unacceptably cruel. However, might I remind you that, whatever human kind's faults...Cybertronian kind has committed its share of atrocities, likewise...perhaps even worse than that of human kind's. It is best not to judge a species by its most dangerous examples, for every species is capable of both great cruelty, and great acts of kindness."

-He'd constantly be encouraging the Bot to give humans another chance.

Ratchet:

-Learning the Bot's story would really catch Ratchet off-guard. After all, Ratchet complains about humans all the time...but, even though he won't admit it, he cares deeply for the children.

-So the thought of HUMANS harming other humans is very striking. He usually worries that a Decepticon might harm the kids. But, then again, there's also MECH.

-Ratchet wouldn't say much, but, inside, he'd wonder what HE would do if a human were to hurt Raf.

-Who knows. He might even tell the Bot that, although humans have their faults, the children have really grown on him. But he'd never tell the CHILDREN that, of course.

Arcee:

-She's probably the most sympathetic, having lost her own partners

-Not to mention she doesn't know WHAT she'd do if anything ever happened to Jack

-She'd encourage the Bot to go easy on humans, though, and, despite being sympathetic, she might be a bit mistrusting of the Bot

-After all, if the Bot hated humans enough to hurt Jack, Arcee would flip

Bumblebee:

-Bee would be fiercely protective of Raf

-He'd find the Bot's story sad, but he'd probably be the first to intervene if the Bot tried to harm a human

-Bee is used to stopping Arcee from going on crazy revenge sprees, so he wouldn't be afraid to do so in this situation as well

-If the Bot ever tried to attack a human, Bumblebee would stand in the corner making sad eyes, like: "Don't do it!"🥺

-Awww!

Bulkhead:

-He'd be genuinely curious

-How did the Bot's human partner manage to get scrapped by another human?

-Let's hope the Bot never gets into an argument with Bulkhead, because Bulk might even be a little judgmental, accusing the Bot of being a lousy guardian.

-He'd be suspicious of the fact that a giant robot was unable to stop tiny humans from terminating their partner

-Someone should really remind Bulk that MECH exists, and they're capable of fighting Cybertronians. Don't worry. Optimus will probably tell him off.

Wheeljack:

-He'd point to Miko, and say: "What are you talkin' about? Humans are great, if you ask me. Just look at this one. She scrapped an Insecticon singlehandedly, with nothin' but the push of a button. BOOM."

-He'd probably get along with this Bot pretty well, since he's so laid back

He'd tell the human-hating Bot:

"Don't worry, pal. Miko, Bulk and I will keep whatever trouble you have off your tail. Be it pesky Decepticons or bad-news humans. Nothin' a good grenade can't fix. Right, Miko?"

Miko: "Boo ya!"

Smokescreen:

-He's VERY no-thoughts-head-empty about this whole situation

-He even makes jokes about it

"That Bot REALLY hates humans, huh? Haha! Maybe they're secretly afraid of them. There's gotta be...like...a name for that, right? Human...aphobia? Squishy-phobia?"

-He tries to scare the Bot by sneaking up on them and talking in a squeaky voice: "HELLO, (Bot name)! I'm a scary human, coming to accidentally get stepped on and squished. WooooOOOOoooo!"

-Of course, the Bot would never fall for his tomfoolery, and everyone would reprimand Smokescreen for it afterwards

Ultra Magnus:

-He hasn't been on this planet that long, so he might even believe this new Bot's perspective on humans

-He'd ask Optimus: "Is it true what our new recruit claims about humans? If they are not to be trusted, we should do something about it."

Of course, Optimus would say: "(name of Bot)'s judgement is clouded by revenge, Ultra Magnus. Rest assured, the Autobot cause may never have made it as far as it has without the help of our human friends."

[armoricaroyalty]

Like every other terminally online person, I did go ahead and watch the new hbomberguy plagiarism video.

It really resonated with me. When I had my old blog, I was plagiarized by someone with a much larger following, and the feeling of "oh, you thought I was so insignificant and so unimportant that you could just take my work and pass it off as your own." The sheer disrespect of it is what's stuck with me, years later, even after this person went inactive.

One thing though -- the copied work was noticeably worse than my original. They remade a magazine cover edit I'd made (referenced the same IRL magazine, used the same pose, took the picture from the same angle) but it was worse in every way. The composition was worse, the spacing between design elements was off, everything. And that's because people who copy do it because they're not creative and they're bad at what they do. They can mechanically reproduce the work of other people, but they don't understand why the original works or how. They can't infuse their own work with that spark that makes it authentic and engaging because they just don't have the skills or originality.

Notably, these people are always so quick to accuse others of copying them. It's insecurity and projection, sure, but I also think it's a reflection of their own creative bankruptcy. They've got such stunted inner lives that they genuinely can't fathom that others could develop something original independent of them. They've got no ability to distinguish between actual imitation and the use of similar tropes in the same genre. They're extremely threatened by anyone doing anything similar to them, because they know their sad little imitations can't really hold up next to an actual, original work.

Not really sure where I'm going with this, except to say that plagiarizing others is a huge self-own and a tacit admission that you're a loser without any good or interesting ideas of your own. Simply could not be me.

[bloomeng]

I just finished a fic that dealt heavily with disability and terminal illness and if I had to guess I’d say the author was speaking from experience whether that be themselves or someone close to them so as you can imagine it was very inclusive.

And yet they had the only female character (at least to have a speaking role) go out of her way to be ableist. That was the only purpose she served in the story. She had less than a paragraph of ooc, out of left field, mean ass dialogue, and a single throw away line after. Her comment wasn’t just snide, it was genuinely abhorrent. It was the worst kind of “she would never fucking say that,” because it wasn’t just out of character, it was needlessly misogynistic.

It pisses me off how misogynistic fandom spaces get without even realizing it. I know I’ve talked about this before but why is it in fics that these one dimension villains that exist solely to be bad plot devices always have to be women? I don’t know which is worse; making a whole new female oc to be your one dimensional bad guy or twisting a canon female character to not even resemble herself for the sake of “well I needed someone to suck for conflict.”

In this fic it also felt like such a backhanded thing too because we went so far out of our way to be inclusive and to explore the nuances of these male characters yet the only female character got nothing more than a shitty throw away comment. Made even worse by the fact that there’s a range of male characters in ofmd who are even more likely to have said the ableist thing.

Like it already sucks that female characters don’t get the same level of attention in fandom spaces. Searching for wlw ships is a constant struggle of weeding out all the fics where they’re tagged as a side couple. And you know what I’m not even absolved of this. I’m guilty of also engaging more with male characters and I think the conversation is complex because it’s a feedback loop. Which like…. you can write essays about that. There probably are essays on it.

But the issue of villainizing female characters for the sake of bad conflict isn’t complex.

Which is why I find it so much more frustrating to see people go out of their way to strip female characters of their personalities for the sake of their gay ships and male favs. I want to assume most of these authors don’t even realize they’re doing it, however I’ve seen multiple authors directly state in the notes “I don’t hate *insert female character* but somebody needed to be the villain.” It’s laughable.

Disclaimer: I’m not saying women in fics can’t do bad things or be villains or even be bad people. Men in fics get to be all these things and deep. So why is it that women can’t?

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

I’m not normally one to announce when I unfollow somebody (and I can already ascertain what your response will be) but I am unfollowing you. I’ve been following your blog since around 2016ish and you seem to just be getting worse and worse in terms of internet rhetoric and buzzwords. You reblogged a post about how men are using butch to steal the word from lesbian identities but then you go on to claim you’re “a gay man whose also a lesbian whose also a fag whose also bisexual whose also”. I’d suggest getting off of the internet but it genuinely looks like it wouldn’t provide much assistance, you seem far too gone for salvation.

I'd like to end this discussion with a note, since there are a lot of assumptions people seem to make about how I live my life.

2016 was the most terminally online, parroting keywords to make people like me time of my life. I'm the most offline I've ever been bc I'm out there in the world talking to people and working instead of playing echo chamber. The fact that you value that person over a well developed adult with a nuanced identity and opinions who is able to function socially for the first time in their lives says worlds more about your internet usage than mine, I'm afraid.

.

Anyway, the less online you are, the more you connect with others irl, the more opinions and perspectives you read about different identities, the more you live outside of strict definitions, the less you will stress about belonging. People either like me or they dont; either understand me or dont; accept me or don't. I know what I experience.

I am happy to finally understand myself and for the first time in my life, I have an identity that my whole self/selves is happy with. I see people like me all around me and they see me too. We are everywhere and it's beautiful.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Slade

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS! ALSO, TW: RAPE MENTION! It’s literally unavoidable when discussing this guy!)

Teen Titans was one of the great DC action shows of the 2000s. It danced back across the line of silly and serious with its anime-esque art style, goofy J-Pop theme song, and humorous characters all juxtaposed with incredibly dark villains, serious stories tackling everything from racism to the dangers of pushing yourself to your limits, and some shockingly brutal deaths that, while not onscreen, don’t leave much to the imagination.

And what would this show be without a big bad? And there really is no bigger bad than Slade.

Comic fans would likely know this man as Deathstroke the Terminator, or perhaps simply Deathstroke, which is one of the single most over-the-top names ever created. In the comics, Slade’s main claims to fame are that time he groomed a teenager and also had sex with her and, even worse, the time he soloed the entire Justice League!!!! GASP! He’s had some cool appearances in places like the Arkham series and the Snyder Cut, but if there’s any appearance that has redeemed this cunning assassin in the eyes of many is his appearance as the master schemer supervillain who served as Robin’s most personal foe and the most reoccurring threat over the course of the series.

Motivation/Goals: This man has made it his life’s goal to fuck with these teenagers (but not in the same way comic Slade fucks with teenagers, thankfully). Season one has him trying to turn Robin into his evil apprentice, while season 2 has him working to dismantle the Titans from within before he dies. Season 4 has him working for Raven’s father to bring about the end of the world, but then he backstabs Trigon to get his life back. Slade seems to be a sadist who loves making these teenagers suffer for shits and giggles, because I genuinely see no other reason he’d go to such lengths to torment children when he time and time again shows he could give heroes like Green Arrow or Batman a run for their money.

Performance: Ron Perlman, the one and only Hellboy, has the perfect voice for an evil, underhanded villain, and he gives Slade just the right level of menace while still maintaining an air of mystery and coolness. I’ll elaborate more in the final paragraphs, but long story short: Perlman is to Slade what Hamill is to Joker.

Final Fate: While he is constantly thwarted and at one point dies by falling into lava courtesy of Terra (something I wish happened in the comics), all setbacks to Slade are ultimately temporary, and he ends the series no closer to being defeated than he was at the start of the show.

Best Episodes: Slade is no stranger to awesome appearances, getting at least one great episode every season.

Season one has the two part finale, “Apprentice,” which features him finally taking Robin under his wing. It’s incredibly climactic as the whole season has built up to this moment, helps solidify Robin’s arc in the season, and gives a badass final duel between Robin and Slade. It also features one of Slade’s cruelest and most brutal schemes, with the torture he inflicts upon the other Titans when Robin doesn’t comply.

Season 2 has the condensed retelling of the infamous Judas Contract arc with “Aftershock,” particularly the second part where Slade is unmistakably and unambiguously killed. The dude straight up falls into lava and dies.

But even being dead doesn’t stop Slade! Season 3’s “Haunted” is one of the most dark and brutal episodes of the series, with some of the creepiest writing coming from Slade. What’s even creepier is there’s never really any answers as to what causes the hallucinations Robin experiences throughout the episode; it’s implied someone activated Slade’s mask, but who? We’ll never know. Either way, leave it to Slade to give us what might be the show’s darkest episode.

Season 4’s “Birthmark” has Slade at his absolute creepiest, which is saying something considering the sexual assault vibes of “Haunted.” This is the episode where he assaults Raven in incredibly uncomfortable ways while delivering the news about her father. It’s horrendously disturbing in an allegorical sense, and serves to make Sade more monstrous than ever.

Season 5 doesn’t have any Slade, sadly. There’s a fake Slade in the final episode, but that’s it. Guess the Brain didn’t want his gay ass upstaged.

Final Thoughts & Score: Slade is genuinely one of the finest foes to come out of the great animated series of the 2000s, and arguably rivals Mark Hamill’s Joker with how good he is.

It mainly has to do with how utterly fucking disturbing his plans are in a symbolic level. Isolating teens like Robin and Terra from their friend groups, forcing them to depend on him, the undertones of grooming in his interactions with Terra, and both Robin and Raven suffering through experiences with Slade that could easily be read as allegories for sexual assault. Slade manages to be absolutely repugnant and unsettling, and mind you a lot of this comes before he is resurrected as a zombie demon slave. Of course, despite being disturbing as all Hell, he still manages to be cool. This is mainly due to Ron Perlman’s stellar performance, which is easily on the level of iconic voice acting that Hamill’s Joker is ; he adds so much menace to everything he says while (un)fortunately making Slade sound incredibly sexy.

I think what’s most impressive is just how much better than the comic version the animated Slade is. In the comics, Slade has been the bearer of one of the corniest monikers in all of comic history: Deathstroke the Terminator. And while it’s often shortened to simply “Deathstroke,” the name is still the sort of thing you’d find in the edgy Liefeldian crap the 90s shit out. Add on to this the guy is an uninspired mashup of Frank Castle and Steve Rogers in terms of origins, the fact that he is the subject of such obnoxious character shilling he soloed the Justice League in the already contentious Identity Crisis, and that writers continuously bend over backwards to justify him grooming with and having sex with an underage girl to the point where they actively put the blame on said girl, who for the record is a fucking teenager while Slade fought in goddamn Vietnam, and you have a character who is just remarkably unappealing and easily overshadowed by his Marvel ripoff (one Wade Wilson).

Contrast with the show Deathstroke. They ditch the edgy name, leaving him with his canonical first name only, which adds this air of intrigue and mystery to the guy. They keep the super soldier strength and reflexes, but they don’t expound on the origins and instead make him more akin to an expy of Doctor Doom, what with the robot duplicates, unseen face, seething hatred for the team leader protagonist, and the complicated chessmaster schemes. And best of all, they keep all the creepy, skeevy undertones comic Slade has… but they don’t try and justify it! Slade is always portrayed as a conniving, self-serving schemer and an inherently nightmarish figure who sucks up the comedy whenever he’s onscreen. This is the character done right, and he easily scores a 10/10.

[selamat-linting]

Hello Actually I would like to hear your thoughts on Gin Minowa 😊

well alright you did ask :) but beware this is mostly going to be unstructured rambling.

anyway, her death basically caused the taisha to upgrade the hero system, introducing mankai and giving the girls immortality at the cost of their own bodies, thats the main conflict of the first season of yuyuyu. it drove togou into despair because she lost the memory of her friendship with gin and sonoko and will probably lose her new friends again to a fate worse than death that she's willing to end the world just to stop it all. and we all know how that eventually caused the wedding of the shinju and yuna and basically everything else. also, her death spurred the taisha to actively recruit more girls to be grinded into the hero system, so her death is also responsible for karin to join the hero club and the rest of the sentinel squad to be formed.

like, gin minowa's impact is massive. she's genuinely haunting the narrative. my first exposure of the yuyuyu franchise is the anime, and even without knowing her name, or seeing her grave, the traces of her life and death is everywhere. karin is using her terminal!!! sonoko and togou's entire friendship during the second season hinges on their mutual guilt complex over gin's death. hell, togo does not remember gin at all in the first season, but she knows she lost her and thats enough to kickstart togo's murderous rage and despair.

also thematically, she really is the poster girl of a human sacrifice. i've seen a meta post somewhere about how the shinju and the mankai system can be read as an allegory of how women ultimately commit slow suicide from making themselves small and palatable for the male gaze and doing all of the invisible labour for the sake of patriarchy. and the way yuyuyu keeps portraying in universe that being a hero is a way to protect the country, spesifically using a rather political word like the country, not humanity or life itself, it reminds me a lot of how fascist propaganda present itself to women. conform to the gender binary, fulfill your god given role, sacrifice your body and your life for the sake of your society. it seems familiar. the magical girls are chosen yes, but theyre lambs to the slaughter in the service of the shinju and the taisha (patriarchy metaphor)

disclaimer, im not japanese, and i dont know the behind the scenes trivia or the author or even played the yuyuyu games, so i know im working off partial information and im looking at something with a perspective unlike my own, im well aware i could be wrong and the authors' intentions might be different, but that is what i get from the anime. the metaphor did fell apart towards the last few episodes, especially when we consider the taisha was formed because they have to survive against the apocalypse, they might be a corrupt and fucked up organization that grinds children into an eternal suffering machine but they did try their best against an impossible situation, but overall i do feel like the hero system can be read as a metaphor for gender roles in patriarchy.

back to gin minowa, out of the trio, she seems to be written as the most down to earth / relatable of the two. she's smart and clever, but only when its useful to other people, i.e when she's helping and when she's fulfilling her role as a child soldier. and she never ever blames anyone for anything. nobody ever stops to ask if she has better places to go, nobody ever asks if she's tired from all the help and chores she's required of doing, and she never seems to mind. only smiling and blaming herself for being late and forgetting her studies. its only her friends who actually find out whats going on with her and tried to help her. she is the picture perfect idea of a heroine and the taisha and the shinju took advantage of it and it ultimately killed her. she is the number one proof that this is the bitter end of all magical girls if they let themselves follow the orders thats been given to them. god fucking damn it, theyre all heroes, they's the chosen one, but theyre chosen as a hero the way a lamb is chosen and lead to the slaughter. rip gin minowa you will always be famous 😭

[jaythelay]

I don't mind Lethal Company's dev taking a break, bro this game's fine as is, needs some work, but otherwise this game's simply good, which is genuinely impressive in modern times.

My biggest fear is the seemingly unknown wider problem, a two-fer, Modding and Desync.

See, presently there's like 3 "Bigger Lobby" mods, all 3 incompatible with each other. This makes playing with randoms a mere possible chance. But it gets worse. You can get more mods than just that, like the Skinwalker mod, or a TV mod, or poster mods.

Not every mod requires everyone to have it, but even then, if your files are a single byte off, that can utterly desync you, or put you in the wall.

What Lethal Company Truly Needs is this:

Mod Support in the form of file sharing like in Gmod servers. You join, you download the mods for that game, ya leave and they disable or delete themselves.

I want to join random lobbies that are modded to hell and back. The game's fine on it's own, yes, but you can get an avalanche of content from it simply by adding a few QoL mods that clearly were intentional design that I simply don't vibe with.

For example, 4 players is clearly the intended design, and that's perfectly fine, but I'm in a server with like at least 10 people, we all wanna play LC together. Or the radio mod that lets you speak while at a terminal, or the mod that removes the mask from the model of a fake player (genuinely should've been base game)

Lemme put it to you this way if it still doesn't click: You open the game, open the server browser, and if the host labels their server, it'll tell you what biggerlobby mod they're using. If they didn't, you have absolutely no clue what mod(s) they're using. This means scrolling a poorly made server list, clicking every server, being told you can't join due to different files between host and client, or joining, but being stuck inside a wall. That's what finding a random lobby is like now, and it could be fixed via downloading the mods when you join

Problem here is that, I dunno how the hell you safely do that. Ya can't make it so people download files directly from the client's harddrive because you could easily sneak files in there, and not to be rude but I don't think a game like this would handle such a concept well. Which is why I say just add Steam Workshop as a middleground, then work on the server browser, make it so knowing what mods isn't as important as joining the game.

Does the game need more features, levels, enemies, and items? Sure, to some degree, but what it needs is to ensure the community doesn't splinter as soon as possible, is a mod synchronisation of some kind. Otherwise this game will run into some large, unfixable problems.

If ya'll played Arma 2's Day-Z mod, you know exactly what I'm talking about, just to a far, far smaller degree:

Right now, no one has attachment to either of the 3 bigger lobby mods, but only one is used more than the other 2. If that mod adds a feature, say, cosmetics, and adds another feature ontop of that, and another, and none of those are in the other 2 mods, or base game, then an attachment will be made, and any changes to the game feels like forced downgrades to that mod, you'll constantly be fighting to make the game be like the modded experiences of the biggest modding base, and that can make people bitter from all angles, it removes the personal touch of the game as well, which is why I still think having bigger lobbies and a normal difficulty mode by default is best in this case, get the intended experience and the fun additions.

Mod Sync. Seriously think it worth being the very next update. Otherwise this game's future is already in jeopardy and every update increases the problems by outdating mods, seemingly for no good reason to some. While the one dev takes a perfectly fine break, hundreds of mod creators are steadily at work to immedietely outdate the game for most people. Just...put the plug on that and fix it before it floods.

Seriously though there needs to be some cohesion, and the dumbshit "thunderstore" has got to GO. Who the hell has a modding website that doesn't have pictures of said mod? A website that wants you to install it's mod installer to collect data on you.

Heavily suggest using Steam Workshop so people can download the most popular collections, it's the simplest band-aid solution to a long-term currently bubbling problem. Really just don't want to see this fanbase splinter off and make the random lobby problem even worse where some mod devs make certain mods "incompatible" due to a feud they had that's uninvolved with everything.

[multific]

Pet III

Michael Langdon x Reader (x Xavier Plympton)

Summary: Michael is planning the new world, and Xavier is worried because you have been sick again.

Both Xavier and Michael knew just how strong you were, you proved it in the Outpost as well.

And yet, the strongest person and you were in bed once again. You were constantly sick, throwing up, and being dizzy.

Michael called a doctor, but he was three days away from you so you had to wait for him to get there.

"Maybe she ate something." Xavier was pacing up and down in the room while Michael tried to type on his laptop. "Why are you not worried?" Xavier snapped and looked at Michael, who slowly turned to the blonde, it sent a shiver down Xavier's spine. 

"I am worried, very much. But pacing and repeating the same thing won't help her." Michael closed his laptop, it made Xavier gulp and take a step back. "We went through all, food, water, bacteria, witchcraft, and you know it."

"I know, but-"

"No buts! You are making me angry, Pet." Michael turned back to his laptop as Xavier let out a loud huff. At least this time, he didn't choke him. 

One time, Michael got so angry with Xavier when he left you all alone, Michael had to punish him.

Xavier found it infuriating that Michael seemed like he didn't care about you. 

But it wasn't true. He only worked because he would worry about you every second. It was actually your idea for him to go back to his work, because he worried too much, you had to make him leave.

Xavier sat down on the bed watching you as you read a book, you looked better.

"You worry too much." you said looking at Xavier.

"It's like he doesn't even care." he said with a pout and a whisper so Michael wouldn't hear him.

"Of course, he cares. But he is actually worse than you so I had to make him leave." 

"What do you think is wrong with you? Another curse?"

"I don't think it's a curse this time, I have a feeling but I want the doctor to confirm it, so I'll wait." Xavier ran his hand over yours smiling at you before he nodded. "Can you bring me some tea please?" you asked as he nodded.

Xavier wasn't a servant, he knew that. But he still liked to do things for you. Xavier was so incredibly in love, even if he knew you will never be his, being around him is enough for him.

Xavier climbed into the bed, placing his head in your lap as you continued to read and played with his hair.

You two fell asleep like that before Michael joined you as he slept on your chest.

You loved to sleep like this, surrounded by love and care.

The doctor arrived the next day.

"What are they talking about?" Xavier was pacing, walking up and down in the room. "You have a good hearing!"

"Sit down already." Michael was getting angry, not only did you ask them to leave the room when the doctor arrived but he couldn't hear you.

Why were you blocking him?

"Michael! You have a good hearing, you can read people's minds!" Xavier finally sat down in the chair in front of Michael.

"She's blocking me out, I cannot hear anything."

Xavier's eyes went wide. WHY were you hiding, what were you hiding? You did hint that you might know what the problem is, maybe you have some terminal disease. Xavier was thinking of the worst when he heard the door open and both he and Michael rushed to catch the doctor.

The doctor didn't give them any straight answer, instead, he told them to go and ask you before he rushed off, clearly scared to death.

And they did.

You were standing, ready to leave the room and talk to them when they barged in, almost tripping over each other.

"My Queen, what-the doctor refused to say anything."

"I have great news, My Love and I wanted to be the one to tell you. It looks like I'm pregnant."

The word scared Xavier but Michael smiled. A genuine smile which not many people saw in their lives. Xavier thought this really was the end, the Antichrist, smiling.

You being the reason behind his smile every day. 

"Are you really?" Michael asked as he rushed to hug you. "Thank you," he said as he smiled into your hair.

Xavier felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He knew he wasn't supposed to, he knew his place, but he was still jealous. Extremely jealous.

But he understood, he knew. And he tried to be happy for you.

So, he decided to be a good pet and leave you two alone for the time and just go outside to think.

And thinking he did.

He had no choice, he was bounded, if he leaves, he dies, not like he had anywhere to go.

Meanwhile, you and Michael had a nice moment in the room, just the two of you, pure love.

"I can't believe it. We are going to have a baby."

"Yes, we are, I had a feeling but I wanted the doctor to confirm it." you smiled, eyes shining with love.

"This is why you said that everything will be fine." Michael was sure he never smiled so much in his life. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Michael." you two kissed.

---

Xavier was still outside, waiting for you two and you finally got out of the room.

"Aww, Xav, don't pout." 

"Am not." he said, pouting. You laughed slightly. "Congrats on the mini Antichrist."

"Thank you." you were too happy to notice he meant it in a bad way, but Michael didn't. But the smile on your face made him not act out. "You will have a new play-date soon, at least you will have someone to sleep with." Xavier not often had the chance to sleep with you, he often had to sleep in a separate room.

"So, I'll be your in-house babysitter." 

"YES." You laughed. 

You honestly didn't see anything wrong with this, even if you knew about his feelings, you weren't his.

And throughout the years, Xavier just couldn't accept that. But he had to, especially now.

Seeing you so excited and happy for this baby, Xavier couldn't stay grumpy, even when Michael had a little chat with him.

"The baby is mine, you are only her pet, you knew that from the beginning, so stay in your lane. I'm her husband and the father of her child. But if you continue with this behaviour, she will notice and feel bad which is not going to be good for either of us." 

Xavier understood, he also saw the changes in Michael as your stomach grew. For the Bringer Of the End, Michael was soft with you, being overprotective was an understatement. He kept everyone away from you except for Xavier, he was the only one besides him to be able to approach you.

You had a feeling Xavier would feel bad. But you also knew that you needed to keep the barrier. You loved Xavier, you really did but your love for him was different.

You belonged to Michael, your heart, body and soul were his without any doubt. 

But you also loved Xavier and you didn't want to make him feel bad about the situation.

Yes, you will have a baby with your husband, but it didn't mean that you will ignore him, you showed that to him, or tried to, by maintaining the same relationship you had.

You talked to him the same, and as your belly grew, you didn't change one bit.

Sure, your motherly instinct grew and you were more emotional, but it was normal.

One evening, you were already into your sixth month when you were listening to some music, slowly swaying with Michael while Xavier watched.

And just as another song began, Michael gave your hand to Xavier. Xavier looked at him, confused. 

"I have some work. Dance with her." he said.

Xavier didn't need to be told twice, he grabbed your hand and started slow dancing with you.

That was the moment Xavier felt the best.

To be able to hold you, with Michael's permission meant everything to him.

And somehow, all three of you knew, at that moment, that this is going to be fine.

You are all going to be fine.

 Part 1  Part 2

Taglist: imreadinggoaway @fleursirvart​ @v-2bucky ehsebastiancrunch-time-sports  @pxstelrainbow ablogbypeteparker liamssmilersmexylemony @greenarrowhead​ feelingsareharddd @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel​ @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @avengers-r-us @destynelseclipsa   @spilledinkindumpster celebsimagine @capsiclesdoll snoopy3000 @firstangeldragonranch @puknow crazzyter  @alwayshave-faith @soleil-dor @alex12948 scream-kiwi79  @lxdyred  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @liveforkarljacobs

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

[dunmer-pussy]

about the pro shipping post you are so fucking right. when i was 16 i had proship dni on an aesthetic blog that i ran and i had multiple people harassing me for it over months. i've also had them call me ableist and homophobic slurs and sexually harass me when i was 16-18 for untagged unsearchable posts that they had to have scrolled back months in my blog to find. i was in a fandom at the time that had a LOT of people like that and there were many other people who got worse and had proshippers being wildly racist to them. they say curate your online experience and then throw a fit when you actually do.

Hi i'm sorry I didn't respond to this sooner! I was most likely absorbed entirely in skyrim Once Again.

Yeah, the proship movement has a tendency to harbor the absolute worst people in fandom circles and when you say "Hey if your movement is Truly Safe for victims/people of color /disabled folks/kids/etc then why the fresh sam hill fuck are you harboring Actual Racists, Actual Pedophiles, And Actual Horrible People" they take it as "kys lol go die" and not a request to Actually examine how their stances on something as terminally online as shipping discourse and the culture that it founded has sheltered these types of people.

And it's this inaction and refusal to address it in favour of perceiving it as a siege in a war that isn't actually happening (for lack of a better way to word it, no, people aren't out to get you they're asking you to examine your fucking community and WHY so many people feel unsafe around it aside from other reasons) is why I, and so many others, are in dislike of proshipping culture aside from. well. gestures wildly to the rest of it.

They take it as a blow to their egos rather than a genuine honest "Hey if what you ship Truly Is Inconsequential why does the culture you cultivate harbor, say, Actual Offending Pedophiles or Those Pedophiles That Label Themselves As "No-Contact" For Some Reason As If That Makes It Less Bad that are utilizing fandom space and proship culture as a quick and easy way to get targets within their reach?"

Side tangent/note here: Over the years many people have said that I cannot be pro-dark media and anti-proship. These things are not mutually exclusive and many, and I mean MANY people in circles focussing on dark and transgressive media are FULLY AWARE of the connection between reality and fiction (and how they both affect one another, the best way I can word it is that if you focus on one color pallet soon your world will be monochromatic, you gotta learn to focus on all the colors. If you saturate your life with too much "dark" or distressing content it will color your worldview and that is not what life is about) and often emphasize the importance of this distinction.

They also do not go out of their way to overly-romanticize the content they read (the public perception/general society's consumption of Lolita [vladimir nobokov] has been a disaster for the human race. if u think lolita is supposed to be a cute romance story you're misinterpreting the book and need to step back and examine just why you think that way and actually sit down and analyze the book and humbert as a character dear god stop turning it into a cutesy coquette aesthetic, shanespeare has a fucking amazing video talking about it and as an added bonus it's shorter than the typical 4+ hour video essays I often indulge in) as they often know better to do so and shun the people who do, ESPECIALLY when you're talking about books like The Slob (Aron Beauregard, even though that novel is essentially misogyny, homophobia, gore porn, a lot of fatphobia and shit like that and is all-around poorly written)

proshipping culture also relies a lot on a fanfic/fanart medium which is a VASTLY inappropriate place to explore these things (on top of, well, the type of people the culture has a tendency to attract n shit vs transgressive/dark media corners) and People Do Not Want To See Headcanons About Their Favourite Characters Being Rapists And Shit Like That I Promise You You Aren't "Coping" You're Just Making (some not all) People Around You Uncomfortable And Fucking Miserable Because You Decided That Their Comfort Character Is A Shotacon Or Some Shit (and that is before I get into how unless that character is canonically a piece of shit, making x character into a freak is a gross mischaracterization).

People come into fandoms for escapism, or to enjoy characters and stories with people and, yes I am speaking from personal experience here not only as ex-proship but also someone who's been 'round the block when it comes to fandoms.

There is a difference between transgressive lit i.e Lolita and someone writing a fanfic about a father/daughter relationship and not in the wholesome familial way we all know and love. That is knowing your place, understanding that fandom is a WILDLY inappropriate place to explore these things (seriously people, just write an original book! you got it in you clearly! i believe in you and maybe if you do it right you'll write something that's very touching and profound and opens up a lot of conversations!) and that fiction and reality do in fact impact and shape each other in more ways than you'd initially assume.

anyways rant/tangent over, sorry I went on for so long, I'm Very passionate about this discussion despite everything that's happened to me at the hands of it.

[thewordswewrite]

Lonely Is Our Lives

Chapter 1 - Wild Side

Pairing | Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

!!VERY IMPORTANT A/N!! | I want to preface this by saying I DO NOT condone Billy’s actions throughout the series. I DO NOT condone his violence or abuse, ESPECIALLY against Lucas but also including Max and the others. At the time season two came out in 2017, nearly FIVE years ago at the time I'm writing this, I was very angry and frustrated at the world, resentful of a younger sibling, and disconnected from the people around me so I kind of latched onto Billy as a character and what he represented. I absolutely DID NOT understand what his actions against Lucas truly meant and I DID NOT register it as the racism it was. Knowing what I know now I've decided to write a fic where Billy is able to let go of some of his anger and have someone there to check him and his actions in order to set him on a better path. I wrote this for me as a bit of a redemption fic for both of us.

Playlist | Link | Chapter One: Songs 1-4

Summary | One fateful 1983 night you narrowly escape death on Steve Harrington’s property while Barbara Holland is presumed dead. Left jaded and angry, you carry on towards your senior year in a haze of sex, drugs, and alcohol just to get through the day. But, when Billy Hargrove moves to Hawkins, Indiana during the fall of 1984 things get worse before they get better.

Warnings | explicit language, angst, abusive parents, smut 18+ minors DNI, heavy drug and alcohol usage

W/C | 3.3k

A/N | I 100% understand if Billy is not a character for you and you hate him but I’m finally in a place in my life where I feel like I can write him as someone other than an angry, abusive asshole. This isn’t all sentiment tho cause Dacre Montgomery is a gorgeous human being and I did immediately think he was unnecessarily attractive. He doesn't end up perfect but he’s not horrible. -Smoe

|Masterlist|  |Chapter Two|  |Chapter Three|  |Chapter Four|  |Chapter Five|

Beer and sweat overwhelmed you as you stepped into Tina’s house. The place was a blur of half-assed Halloween costumes and booming music. Immediately, you felt your face twisting into a grimace; parties like this weren’t really your scene, not anymore. Last year, though? You’d be eating this shit up. And it wasn't because of the drugs, or the alcohol, or the sex because you still partook, heavily and often. No, it was because you could genuinely say you hated the majority of Hawkins High’s population; nothing they cared about felt like it mattered anymore.

You hadn't meant to see what you did but being in the wrong place at the wrong time can screw over anyone. All you’d done was go to one stupid party at Steve Harrington’s house and decided to sit with Barbara Holland when she slit her hand open trying to shotgun a beer. At the time. you thought her mildly pathetic and increasingly awkward as the space between Steve and her ‘best friend’ got smaller. Now all you could muster was regret.

You tried. You really, really tried, but one slash of that…thing’s claws and you couldn't hold onto her. Your arms ached and blood gushed from where it had dug into your flesh, through muscle, and close to bone. Barb was dead and you were bleeding out next to Steve Harrington’s pool as he and Nancy Wheeler had sex inside. The only reason you’d survived was that you finally screamed loud enough for one of them to hear and call an ambulance. You were in the hospital for almost two weeks before you could go home and now, almost a year later, you were left with five jagged scars stretching about an inch from your jugular, down your shoulder, and onto your chest. The official story was a bear attack. What a fucking joke.

Since then, you’d gotten close to Steve and Nancy which was the entire reason you’d come tonight. Steve had wanted to ‘pretend like we’re stupid teenagers’ and you’d decided to play along. So here you were dressed as Sarah Conner from The Terminator, drinking stale beer and third-wheeling for the happy couple. Nancy was already going hard, cup after cup but Steve managed to wrangle her over to stand with you where you were chainsmoking by the window.

“You having fun there, Nance?” You asked with a chuckle.

“So much!” She smiled but her eyes were sad, a look the both of you had mastered well.

Steve smiled, oblivious, and kissed her. He then looked over to you and raised his eyebrows, finally remembering you were there and passed you a beer. “How-uh, how bout’ you? Talk to anyone yet?” He asked, searching your face with concern.

“Getting around to it. Just gonna finish this and I'll be out there!” You gestured at him with the beer and smiled sarcastically.

“You said you’d try,” Steve deflated. “I’m trying, Nancy’s trying. Why can’t you?”

“Yeah,” Your laugh was hollow as you took a drag of your cigarette. “She’s trying real hard.” Steve opened his mouth to argue but looked over at his girlfriend staring off at the bustle of people and frowned.

A boy clad in leather and a mullet caught your eye as he pushed his way through the crowd, but his eyes weren’t on you, they were on Steve. Tommy H trailed behind him and wrapped his arm around The Terminator’s shoulder. The two of them stopped in front of your group and stared down Steve.

Tommy clapped the new kid on the back and smiled. “We got ourselves a new Keg King, Harrington!”

“Yeah, that’s right!”

“Eat it, Harrington!”

You watched as Nancy rolled her eyes and walked off, leaving Steve to gape at the offenders before locking eyes with you. “I’ll be back, or…just find us if you feel like it.” With that, he went after her and left you alone. The taller boy scoffed and looked away, shaking his head.

“So! Looks like we match, Keg King,” You smiled sarcastically and blew your eyes wide. The boy looked back at you with disinterest and mild anger as he smoked but his eyes gave you a once over and his body language began to shift.

“This here is Billy,” Tommy smiled and introduced you. Billy, seemingly perturbed by Tommy’s hand still latched onto his shoulder, shook him off.

“Billy…?” You lead on, sipping your beer.

Billy’s face broke out in a grin and he flicked his tongue out to wet his lips. “Hargrove. Billy Hargrove, sweetheart,” His mood took a complete 180° and yours only grew worse.

“You dethroned ol’ Stevie, huh?” Your voice was bored and you leaned on the wall behind you as you finished off your cigarette, soaking in the last fleeting scent of clove that cut through the musk of the room. Billy angled his body towards Tommy and with a jerk of his head sent him on his way, his stare never straying from you.

“Guilty,” He was still smiling as he stuck a Marlboro Red between his lips and lit it with his zippo. You returned his smile ruefully and couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his arrogance. As if being Keg King fucking mattered. Charm was rolling off this kid in waves and you couldn't help but feel suffocated. “So, did you come here with a Terminator or just Risky Business?”

You plucked the cigarette from his lips and put it between your own, “No Arnold to come and whisk me onto the dancefloor. As for Risky Business? Well, it seems they’re a bit occupied at the moment.” You couldn’t blame Steve and Nancy for your shitty night, not really, but you were still left out to dry no matter how much Steve had tried to assure you you wouldn't be. Hell, Nancy had even admitted to you that she didn’t want to be there but was doing it for Steve and you still managed to be pushed aside.

“This King Steve I’ve been hearing so much about doesn’t seem to live up to his reputation,” Billy leaned closer, invading your space as you smoked his cigarette. His forearm rested on the wall next to your head, his face mere inches from yours.

You took advantage of the proximity and exhaled your drag into his face. “Well, you seem to be living up to yours,” His eyes fluttered closed as the smoke ghosted across his face. 

When he opened them again, you were greeted by those baby blues you were sure others had fallen over themselves for. “Which is?” You quickly searched his eyes, finding nothing you hadn’t seen before. Adrenaline, lust, rage: nothing special. Yet somehow you’re still disappointed as if he could've been different. The same. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught your friends storming through the crowd.

With a small sigh, you push off the wall Billy had you nearly boxed against, forcing him back. “Well, as fun as it's been, King Billy,” You paused, finally breaking eye contact to look around the room. “I must be off. You understand, right? Responsibilities and all.” You gestured in the direction of Steve and a very drunk Nancy, arguing by the punch bowl as you lazily walked away.

You approached them, watching as Steve tried to pull a cup of punch from Nancy’s hands. Before you could even open your mouth to speak, the cup went flying and Nancy’s pristine white outfit was covered in stark red.

You grabbed Nancy as she stumbled back. “Woah, hey, Nance, let's go to the bathroom and get you cleaned up, yeah?” You lead her to the bathroom, Steve trailing behind you with his head hung low. Once you got inside, Nancy wet a hand towel and started a futile effort to remove the stain.

“Nance, I'm sorry,” Steve tried, running a hand through his hair.

You continued to watch in pity as Nancy failed to remove the punch from her shirt. “That’s not coming off, Nance.” You tried to take the towel from her but she pulled away roughly.

“It’s coming,” She grunted. In the year you’d known them you had never seen Nancy get even close to drunk so her volatile mood surprised you.

Steve sighed clearly put out. “Come on. Let us take you home, okay? Come here,” Nancy struggled against his hold. “Let me take you home.” You rolled your eyes at his lovesick tone.

“You want-, you wanted this,” She slurred, eyes droopy as they looked up at Steve.

“No, I didn’t want this. I told you to stop drinking.” Steve’s voice was trying to keep the conversation light but the mood stayed heavy. The three of you bickered often but never had it felt so serious.

“It's… bullshit. Bullshit.” Nancy looked sullen and your rigid stance softened at her doe-eyed stare.

“It's not bullshit, Nance,” You tried rubbing her arm but she slapped you off. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise and you felt your face begin to heat in anger.

“Bullshit!” 

Steve shook his head, “No, It's not bullshit, Nancy.”

“No, you. You’re bullshit! Both of you.” She pointed between the two of you with a shaky hand.

You could see Steve’s heart crack just as his voice did. “W-What?”

But you were livid. “What the hell, Nancy.”

Her eyes were empty, looking at her boyfriend. “You’re pretending like everything’s okay. You know, like we didn't…like we didn't kill Barb,” Nancy’s voice broke and she turned her attention to you. “And you were only there to get drunk and fuck! You almost died and you still haven’t changed at all.”

You’d changed. You’d changed more than either of them had even tried. Before, nothing really mattered to you; people were meant to be sucked dry of their worth and thrown aside at your desire before you didn’t care. You had worked and actively tried to be better. If not for yourself then at least for Barb. Because that’s what she deserved: better.

You leaned over and trapped her against the sink. “I get that she was your friend and you’re drunk,” Your eyes narrowed at her, “But you’re dancing on a fine line right now Wheeler.”

Steve shoved you off of Nancy and regained his spot in front of her. “Everything can be okay, Nancy.”

She laughed and looked away. “Yeah, like, it's great. Like we’re in love and we’re-, we’re partying,” Her voice began to soften and tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. “Yeah, let’s party, huh? Party. We’re partying. This is bullshit.” 

“‘Like we’re in love’?” Steve’s voice was barely above a whisper as he took Nancy’s face in his hands. The sight was stomach-turning even for you.

“It’s bullshit.”

“You don’t love me?”

“It’s bullshit,” Nancy reaffirmed. 

Steve’s eyes steeled and he pushed past you and Nancy. “Steve, wait-,” You tried but he didn't listen, leaving the room and slamming the door shut behind him.

Nancy turned back to the mirror and began scrubbing at her shirt again. “You go too. Go party. Have sex, do drugs. It’s all bullshit.”

You laughed, hard and fast. “Come tomorrow, Wheeler, you’ll be real sorry for this.”

Nearly shoulder-checking her, you followed Steve out the door. Your blood was hot with anger as you made your way back into the crowd and your eyes landed on Jonathan Byers talking to some goth chick. Good enough.

“Byers!” You shouted and he whipped towards you. “You’re here for Nancy, right?”

“I, uh,” He stuttered but you didn’t have the patience for that.

You rolled your eyes and held a hand up to silence him. “Yes or no?”

“Yes!”

“She’s in the bathroom drunk off her ass and dead set on ruining all her relationships tonight. Take her home.” You threw your thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the bathroom and stalked towards the punch bowl. 

Fuck it. If she wanted you to party, you’d party.

“What’s in this?” You asked a toga-clad boy.

“Pure fuel! Pure! Fuel!” The boy screamed and you shrugged, satisfied.

Drink after drink you kept dipping your cup into the bowl until you felt your senses go fuzzy, your mood starting to turn. You felt a smile pull itself onto your face and you broke your way into the crowd searching for a distraction. For your Terminator. When you found him,  he was holding another girl close, smoking in her face, and swaying to the music. Determinately, you tapped on the girl’s shoulder and leaned down to her level. 

“Mind if I cut in?” The girl turned, at first in protest, but when her eyes locked with yours, her mouth snapped shut. She mustered a glare at you before walking off.

You laced your hands around Billy’s neck, almost challenging him to push you off. After a few moments, his hands found your hips and you leaned into them, letting him guide you to the thrum of the music. You let yourself succumb to the atmosphere and closed your eyes, leaning your head up towards the ceiling. Billy pulled you flush against him and you finally opened your eyes to find yourself once again staring into the crystal clear blue ocean of Billy Hargrove and you think, maybe you can see why people would fall over themselves for him.

His tongue flicked out over his lips, a habit you took notice of. “What made you change your mind, sweetheart?”

“It’s all bullshit anyway, isn't it?” Your breath coasted over his face in such proximity. “So, fuck it, let's party,” You didn’t give him time to respond before you were surging forward and clashing your lips together. Nothing about the kiss was soft, not your chapped lips or the scruff of his mustache; it was full of anger and need. His fingers were gripped in your hair and you were practically grinding in the middle of the packed room until you pulled away, both of you heaving in breaths.

He didn’t even utter a word when suddenly Billy was pulling you along through the crowd, weaving left and right around drunken teenagers and out of the house towards his Camaro. A flash of California caught your attention as you went around to the passenger side of the car. Filing that away for later, you climbed in the back seat as soon as it was open and met his lips with your own when both the doors were finally closed. His hands held your face as yours worked on undoing his belt, quickly loosening the buckle and moving on to unbutton his jeans.

“Help me with mine,” You panted.

You didn’t need to change. Sex and drugs were good.

He helped guide your jeans down as you shimmied your hips to get them over your ass and down your legs. He then moved to the hem of your shirt and panic flared in your chest before you stopped him.

“Don’t bother, we won't be here that long.”

Billy scoffed but dropped his hand. “You sound so sure.”

“I am,” You smiled at his annoyance and kissed along his jaw, swinging your leg over his hips, and settling on his lap. You rolled your body atop Billy’s to the beat of the bass inside and relished in the moan you coaxed out of him as you sucked a hickey into the soft skin of his neck, right over his pulse point. Billy’s fingers soon found themselves slipping past the elastic of your lacy underwear and down to your clit, where he moved them in tight circles, eliciting a surprised gasp from you. He kissed you soundly, tongue painting the inside of your mouth when he reached his fingers down even lower and into your awaiting entrance, drawing out a long broken moan from your lips.

“Billy, I need more,” You demanded.

Hastily, Billy removed his fingers from inside you and leaned forward, cradling the small of your back. Opening his dash, he pulled out a strip of condoms and tore one off. He freed himself from his jeans and rolled the condom on before shoving your underwear to the side and sinking you down onto him. The car filled with moans as you both moved in tandem, each selfishly chasing after your own orgasm. One of your hands was occupied rubbing frantic circles into your clit and the other was tangled into Billy’s curls holding his mouth against yours as you kissed. He moaned into your mouth before pulling his head away to look down at where the two of you met.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” His hands were kneading the flesh of your hips, holding you firmly and forcing you to move at the vicious speed he set. You felt the dull ache of where his fingers would definitely leave bruises but you couldn't find it in yourself to care when you had left at least three prominent hickeys higher on his neck than you knew he could conspicuously cover.

“Don’t stop, don't-, harder…please!” You moaned, too close for Billy to even think of slowing down. Spurred on by your cries, he complied, picking you up and plunging you down to meet his forceful thrusts, which grew harder with each passing second.

Your orgasm came quickly, thanks to your deft fingers and Billy’s pace, but he was cumming right along with you not long after, his hips snapping up into you and stuttering into a stop as his breath labored. The car was quiet other than the sound of your combined heaving and musty with the smell of sex. Your vision was hazy with pleasure when you lifted yourself off of him and pulled your underwear off to clean yourself up. You threw the dirtied lace at Billy’s chest and huffed at his confused stare.

“Keep 'em. I don't care.” Billy smirked and shoved them in the pocket of his jacket. You raised your eyebrows, not expecting the action.

 “For later,” He explained. You’d thrown them at him more to try and crack at his fuck-all persona, not for him to actually take but you didn't mind. He wasn't the only guy in Hawkins with a pair of your underwear.

With practiced ease, you put your jeans back on and fixed your hair in the reflection of the window, only to find Billy staring at you, one hand behind his head and the other holding a lit cigarette. You stared at him, contemplating whether to take out your own cigarettes. After smoking most of them just trying to get through the night, you only had four left in the carton. It’s a party.

“Fuck it.” You pulled your pack from where it was kept safe in your bra and licked your lips, sticking one of them in your mouth and savoring the taste of clove. These were a treat. Billy leaned over and lit your cigarette with his own burning one.

“Thought King Steve had Wheeler and you wrapped around his dick,” Billy probed, adjusting himself to look at you.

“Steve doesn't even have Nancy wrapped around his dick,” Stretching across the seat you sighed, rubbing your tired eyes. “And definitely not me. It’s more of a…” You trailed off. Post-sex brain was ready to spill your life story but you were not on the same page. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Oh no, please,” He smirked. “Do tell.”

You shook your head and spun around, preparing to get out of the car. “It’s been nice California but we’ve still got school tomorrow and I'm not trying to be dead on my feet.” In a moment of rash thinking, you surged forward and captured his lips in a kiss, pulling away before he could reciprocate and give his cheek a few playful slaps. 

You opened the car door and stepped out, “Let’s do this again sometime, yeah?” With a final tight smile, you slammed the door shut and strode off back into the house to find Steve to take you home.