#like i feel like shes gonna derail the fighting

[ddenji]

okay guys this is not a drill…. the denji is chainsaw man reveal has happened….. how do we think asa is gonna react here…. i cant wait to know!!!

[harrowharkwife]

having an ableist #Autism Mommy narcissist for a mother never gets less tiresome/hurtful/infuriating/disappointing/just plan embarrassing, huh?

[banamine-bananime]

AITA for trying to save my friend and keep the rest of my asshole friends safe from their bad decisions?

I (M26) just went through this real shitty breakup. So basically, my ex C (M lmao man fuck if i know his age idek if knows it. or has one i guess) has this god-fucking-awful habit of deciding to solve every problem by dying about it and/or fucking off without so much as a word to the people unfortunate enough to give a shit about him, except maybe his sister (unhelpful for the rest of us because she also inherited the "fucking off without a word" gene. man fuck this whole family for making me care about them. whatever). Also, killing himself inside peoples brains thats like a whole hobby for him. like okay either ghost us OR kill yourself in front of us altering the trajectory of our lives forever PICK ONE like a NORMAL person.

Okay wait im not explaining this well. So years ago C and W (M37 now) were partners but C was, uh, in a really bad place mentally (S is telling me this is more diplomatic to say than "crazy af") and that situationship ended as badly as a situationship can end. I mean W's told me he pretty much had his sense of identity as someone separate from C totally destroyed by that for a while, which like, in hindsight its kinda an accidental dick move that our team made him take C's legal identity, but in our defense a) the fuck were we supposed to know?, b) tbf he really did need it not to go back to prison, c) it's not like C was using his identity, on account of the fucking off and effectively-dying-as-a-solution habits, and d) i mean. i gotta admit it's also pretty funny in a really fucked way.

aw shit derailed on a tangent again

recently its just like, we just get so focused on one thing its hard to remember anything else, you know?

S is so good at getting us back on track though. thank god because you would not believe the number of irons weve got in the fire to keep track of, its ridiculous. (i love making my partner be the planner in the relationship lol. highly recommend being a passenger princess in the body sometimes. fuck massages, i'm telling you THIS is what you need after a long day getting shit DONE and taking care of everyone else's messes)

So I met C 6 years ago, right out of basic, when we were privates stationed at the same base. middle of nowhere. shit, this is gonna be hard to explain, just realized i should use different names for C to keep them straight. I knew "A" and W knew "E", i didnt meet E until years later. theyre alters and also the same guy but also not the same guy. dont worry about it if you dont get it bc ive dated both of them and i dont think i do. my life is stupid.

Bunch of bullshit happened, A ghosted (lol. you'd be high-fiving me if you knew him) and then found a problem to solve by dying. you get it by now.

Then i meet E, E encounters a problem and tries to die about it round one (i guess round two, after exploding in W <- LOL. you should be high-fiving me right now), E's sister drags him back to the land of the living, E ghosts, W and i start dating, W tries to martyr himself and disappears because i guess E rubbed off on him (dude i am on a fucking roll. you should be high-fiving me out of pity for my glamorously miserable soap-opera life if nothing else. homophobic not to), our team gets W back, E strolls back like he has no idea why im mad at him, we fight about it, makeup-makeouts about it, and E tries to die about it round two: in my brain boogaloo.

So thats how S and i meet. oops, guess i never introduced S? Feels weird to have to introduce ourself twice, people dont really meet us separately anymore LOL. S (M, ageless) is also C's alter, my partner in life and badassery and brain and body. and obviously freaky sex stuff, that goes without saying but i'm saying it anyway to brag. the swish swish to my stabbing people who really deserve it. Not really interested in your opinion on our relationship, it's not what i'm asking about. we're aware its not conventional, because we're not fucking braindead. Im so sick of all the "oooohhhhh this isn't healthy", "he's a male manipulator and youre codependent i know bc i learned psychology from tiktoks by girls with green hair", "why are you wearing your ex-boyfriend's armor colors while wearing his dead ex-boyfriend's armor while dating and sharing a brain with your dead mutual ex's alter", "have you considered going to therapy instead of a quest against death itself" blah blah blah. If youre so bored you need to judge our life then just get your own 🙄🙄🙄

we've been really on that sigma grindset the last few weeks. S has got our sleep optimized down to a tight triphasic 3.46 hours and we're minmaxing the fuck out of the rest of every day. Biohacked to shit over here. too much to do, so we have to make there be enough of our time to do it. who else is gonna? my teammates? the REDS? we're half batman half babysitter to a gaggle of idiots who can barely be trusted to wipe their own asses, let alone fight their own battles and make decisions like "wah wah wah A is dead let's just give up and cry about it or whatever".

Don't even get me started on W. Oh youre all about character-building wake up and grind self-improvement and taking leadership until we're making decisions you dont like, i guess. WHATEVER. this is why we dont listen to you.

its hard, okay. like, you cant understand the sheer fucking stress were under trying to keep all our plans going smoothly while keeping these guys safe while they're basically actively trying to unravel every carefully-laid thread and also strangle themselves in them. im probably going prematurely grey and also losing some time. its hard to remember when we need to hold back and use the kiddy gloves. i really didnt want to come to holding - uh, we'll call him MC (M25) - by the throat, passed-out. he's like a brother to me, been through thick and fucking thin together, so yeah, i feel really bad about that, my bad, we were the asshole there, but like, maybe stop throwing yourself in the way? like run out into the road you're gonna get hit by a truck no matter how hard they slam the brakes. mfw the conses quence. but im NOT asking about that. everyone's been on our dick about "please god stop doing all of this" and abandoning A and trying to break us up way before that, and THAT'S what im asking about

Anyways tl;dr are we the asshole for getting shit done when it takes methods that all our monday morning quarterback friends dont like

_____

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

it really was a dick move to dangle my teammate's limp body in a chokehold even though it was basically an accident and also not even directly relevant to the question

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might not be the asshole:

okay but we're right

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Life Is Short So Make It Sweet

Chapter Twenty-Six: Busted

Summary- 5.3k. Curtis Everett x Plus!Sized Reader. Everyone is getting together for a dart tournament at Paulie's when everything is derailed before the night even starts.

Warnings- Unwanted attention from drunken men, vicious comments and name calling, fighting, police not taking the situation seriously, talk about Curtis's past and his mental health.

A/N- Thank you so much! Everyone who takes the time to like, share, comment, leave me messages and asks. Especially those who just feel seen in this storyline. You all have all my gratitude and appreciation. (let's be honest, I totally tear up and get all emotional) You all honestly are part of the reason I continue writing and sharing. Special shout out to @what-is-your-plan-today for editing. Dividers made by the talented @firefly-graphics

A/N 2- Is there an award for terrible titles? Cause I should have that trophey.

Chapter Twenty-Five / Masterlist

You, Claude and Yona drove together after getting done at the school for the week, heading straight for Paulie's. The three of you were getting ready in Yona’s car, laughing amongst yourselves as makeup was applied in the car's vanity mirrors and someone played lookout while the other changed in the backseat. While you were doing the finishing last touches on your outfit, Claude was filling you and Yona in about having her first official weekend with Sophia present. You were finishing up your lipstick while in the backseat Yona helped Claude do her hair. “How are you feeling about this weekend?” 

“I’m excited. I have a bunch of games and stuff to do with her. I just… want her to like me being around when she's with her dad?” Claude fretted a bit, glancing out the window while Yona calmly braided her long hair in an intricate pattern. 

“You don’t have much to worry about. Sophia likes just about everyone. Ella and Grey are pretty good co-parents.” You assured her. “What are you doing this weekend Yona?” 

The woman whipped a couple of ties in Claude’s hair, patting on the braids to make sure none of them were loose. “Tomorrow I’m taking Edgar to do some indoor rock climbing.” She grinned in excitement. “He claims he isn't scared of heights and it's something I love doing, so we will see.” 

“Okay, that sounds pretty cool and Yona, are you like a professional stylist?!” Claude was leaning between the seats to look in the rear view mirror at the tight curls of braids Yona made in her hair, her head tilting left and right to check them out. “I would have paid a small fortune for this at a salon.” 

Yona shrugged as if it was no big deal. “I used to do my friend's hair all the time at home. What about you?” 

“Oh, I think tomorrow we are gonna have a game night with Tanya, Timmy, Ella and I think Grey was coming around too with you and Soph?” You asked Claude and she gave a nod confirming it. “Okay, I’m ready to get inside. Are you guys?” Another glance out the window made you catch sight of Curtis’s truck in its usual place as well as quite a few other regulars and out-of-state plates, meaning it was going to be a busy night.

Which you didn’t mind, that meant Curtis would spend some of the time helping Paulie at the bar making great tips and giving you a chance to shamelessly check him out while he was working. It always made some fun flirting and usually sneaking off together much to Paulie's dismay. Claiming his place of business was reputable. 

“I'm ready,” Claude said as she pushed the door open and the three of you piled out of the car to make your way to the front door, where a group of men were just stepping out and headed back to the cars that had out-of-state plates on them. None of you paid any attention to passing the loud boisterous group till one reached out to grasp your arm, stopping you in your tracks with surprise. 

“Where you running off to sweetheart?” He flashed a grin that was supposed to be flirtatious but came off more leering than anything. It made your heart tighten, reminding you so much of Jake’s grin that he flashed whenever he had you cornered. Your eyes widened in alarm as you pulled your arm from the stranger's grasp. 

“No thank you, not interested.” You said to brush him off, going to sidestep around him to re-join Claude and Yona who just noticed that you were no longer with them. You weren’t allowed to leave though, he stepped back in front of you, blocking your way. 

“Come on, I’m just trying to be nice. You could at least give me a smile.” His gaze fell down your body. You felt sick at his gaze, taking in your figure as if he was contemplating how easy you might be. From the gleam in his eyes, he wasn’t thinking you would pass him up. 

“Let me go.” You said calmly, good at hiding the flutter of unease building. 

“Y/N… You all good?” Claude re-joined you, glaring at the man in your path as she hooked her arm through yours, making you both a joint team. 

He sneered at the two of you, his circle of friends coming to enclose the space further cutting you and Claude now off from the door. There were a few cold snickers and the heavy smell of alcohol coming off of them. 

“Yeah, let's get inside, I’m sure Grey and Curtis are expecting us.” You went to lead Claude through an opening between the strangers but that too was cut off. Over their shoulder, you saw Yona take a few steps as if to join you but then dart inside. You were sure she was going for some help. 

In the few seconds all this took place, you felt helpless. It would take too long to grab the pepper spray from the keychain in your jeans pocket and Claude was gearing up to swing a punch, you felt her practically vibrating with anger next to you. “What the fuck is wrong with you guys? Fucking dickheads, MOVE.” She snapped, pushing against one's chest to back them up a step.

He was bigger though, an unmoveable force who she bounced off.

The original prick barked out as he waved a hand towards you. “That’s the problem with the girls around here, ungrateful bitches.” He stepped in closer to you, brushing against you momentarily to make you stumble back, his hands once more catching you to pull you aggressively in while you yelled with alarm, slapping at him while losing contact with Claude. “You should be thanking me for being willing to fuck someone like you.” 

You could have sworn you felt bile roll up your stomach while his liquored breath soured the air you were breathing, panic starting to set in. 

“Let her the fuck go.” Claude yanked at you once more into her hold and you lifted your arm, throwing a punch at the drunk stranger. Your aim fell wildly off its mark but it was enough for Claude to pull you out of his reach and then a sharp roar came up behind them. You only saw a flash of Curtis’s dark face, enraged before he struck. His fist landed firmly against the back of someone's head, pitching them against one of their drunk friends. 

“Get your fucking hands off those girls.” His voice was deep with anger, while he shoved his way between you and them, his fist landing in someone's gut, making them keel over and throw up the liquor. Grey came up to block you and Claude, sending you out of the mayhem while Edgar barrelled out of the bar to help Curtis. Yona followed out right behind him to get you guys inside. 

“Someone has to help them.” You rushed, ready to go right back out but Grey caught you to pull you back into the bar. Paulie was coming out with a bat in his hands muttering to himself as he went to go outside and from the distance, police sirens could be heard. “Curtis and Edgar are outnumbered, Grey.” You said in a panic and he shook his head at letting you go back outside. Claude and Yona went around the back of the bar to search for a first aid kit. 

“Trust me, it won’t last long. Curtis and Edgar are fine.” Grey assured you, catching you from slipping around him. “This isn’t either of their first fights. Just stay, okay? Curtis would ring my neck if I let you back out there. ” He let you go and moved to slip back outside. 

“Fuck, fuck fuck.” You swore, waiting all of ten seconds to burst out of the door following Grey. Several cop's cars were flashing lights and scattered around the parking lot. Officers were dragging both Curtis and Edgar into the back of one of the cars. “Hey!” You dashed down the steps to yet again be blocked by another man. 

A sober cop this time. You glared up at him while pointing to the car you just saw Curtis and Edgar piled into. “Miss, go back inside.” 

“Why the hell are you arresting them!?” Your voice raised in question. “They saved me and my friend from being harassed and assaulted.” 

“By who?” The officer stepped aside to show the majority of the men from before bloodied and being helped up. 

“Them obviously.” You snapped. “That one blocked me from going to the bar and the rest joined in him taunting us. Fuck, he even grabbed me.” 

“Okay Miss, we can take you down to the station if you want to put in a formal statement against them.” 

“You still didn’t answer why you arrested Curtis and Edgar. Why not those men?” 

You could see the flash of irritation at you, another officer coming up to join him. “Miss, please calm down.” 

“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down.” Your arms folded defensively against your chest as you kept pushing for an answer. “Why?” 

“Because Everett and Bell assaulted those men and…” He waved his hands at Paulie’s “Intoxicated.” 

“That is utter fucking bullshit.” You spat out and they narrowed their eyes at you. “Claude and I were attacked first and they haven’t been here long enough to be intoxicated. The guys who grabbed me, they’re the ones that are intoxicated!”

“That’s not your call to make Miss… What is your name?” 

“Y/N.” You snapped out. “When can they be picked up then?” You were raging now at the utter unfairness of what was going on. The men who harassed you were being treated by a few EMTs for what looked like bloody, possibly broken noses. They had all miraculously sobered up enough to put on a decent act. “Yes, I will be putting in a report on them.” You were shaking while you leaned enough to look around the cops. “THOSE ASSHOLES HARRASSED ME.” You flipped them the bird while behind you Paulie came up, bat still in hand. 

“She’s right, I just kicked them out for trying to start a fight.” 

“Yes, we are being told it was more like the other way around. That Edgar and Curtis were trying to start something inside with them and they left.” 

Paulie snorted in disgust while you rolled your eyes at them. “Bullshit, Curtis, and Edgar weren’t doing anything but hanging out at the dartboards waiting on the girls for a game. It’s a tournament night here. This lot took up the slot next to them and started in on them looking for a fight. Kicked 'em out, we all look out for each other here. It was my mistake not checking outside to see who was in the parking lot.” Paulie gave you an apologetic look. “I’m sorry Y/N, if I just followed them out, and made sure they left...” 

You put a hand on your friend's arm, smiling at him to assure him you weren’t upset. “Don’t, you had no idea they would mess with us too.”  

“Well, we will look into it, if you got cameras set up or anything.” One officer offered a way to a solution, the other looked like he wanted to be doing anything other than dealing with you and Paulie. 

“Yeah, I have some covering the front door, it should see everything that happened out here.” He motioned to go inside, the officer following him. That left you with the one who seemed to not give a shit. 

“So, I just have to go to the station to get Curtis and Edgar?” 

“We will still be keeping them overnight.” 

You wanted to continue about how ridiculous it was, but it was clear that was the most you were going to get. Turning away, you went back into the bar to grab your stuff. “They are not letting Curtis or Edgar out tonight.” You informed the group, Yona immediately grabbed her jacket to slip back on. 

“I can drive us over.” She informed. “They were arrested?” 

“Yeah, supposedly for being publicly intoxicated. And possibly assault.” Claude handed you your purse you had ditched earlier. 

“Do you want me and Grey to go?” She questioned worriedly while Grey went to dig out his car keys. 

“No, Grey you probably shouldn’t go if you have had anything to drink or else they will find some bullshit to charge you with.” You sighed in aggravation. 

He hesitated before pulling you aside. “Listen, I don’t know what Curtis has told you, but they might give you a bit of a hard time.” 

“Why?” You frowned while listening. 

“It isn’t the first time he has been arrested for fighting and it’s been quite a while but they don't let shit go.”

“Of course.” You pinched the space between your forehead and nose. “Okay, thanks. I will drop you guys a message later about what's going on.” You waved at Grey, Claude, and Paulie on your way out with Yona. 

That little dark thought lodged in your brain, wondering if Curtis was hiding his previous arrest from you all along, or was it something he simply never thought to bring up? 

Edgar paced back and forth in the cell while Curtis leaned back against the wall, one leg stretched out ahead of him and the other folded closer to him, bouncing now and then with anxious energy. They hated this, both of them but all they could do was wait it out. The likelihood they would be let go tonight was slim. Not with his previous track record. 

His eyes were closed as he pictured the look on your face as you looked up at that asshole blocking your way on purpose. You looked calm at that moment, but he could see how wide your eyes were, shining way too brightly with alarm. He had been intent on just approaching and standing the guy down, already knowing he would back down the second he saw him.

But then the bastard had stepped into your space, purposely making you stumble back in an attempt to keep yourself out of his reach, laid a hand on you and that’s when Curtis was ready to rip the man’s head off. 

Curtis did manage to lay the man flat out with the promise that if he ever laid a hand on you or any woman again, Curtis was going to rip him apart. That was when the cops showed up. Familiar faces from years ago dragging him off and slapping cuffs on him. 

‘Bout time we brought you in again.’

He ground his teeth in aggravation at the memories it dragged up, his eyes slitting to open, watching Edgar pace back and forth muttering about asshole cops. Curtis worried about how you were dealing, were you okay? He knew Claude, Grey, Yona, and Paulie would make sure you were fine, but he just kept picturing your face. Hearing you afterward calling his name as the door slammed on him. 

You looked pissed at that moment and he couldn’t help smiling at that. 

“What are you grinning at?” Edgar stopped pacing and slouched on the bench next to him, still a ball of nervous energy. 

“Just thinking about Y/N giving those officers hell.” 

Edgar laughed then, leaning back much like Curtis was. “I saw out the back window, she was mad. Not like it do us any good, but she looked like she was ready to deck him.” 

“Yeah, she did.” Curtis barked a laugh. “I don’t think I have ever seen her mad like that before.” 

“When do you think they will let us out?” 

“They won’t, not till morning at least. Public intoxication and all that.” 

“Bullshit charge, we hadn’t even finished a beer yet,” Edgar muttered in outrage, glancing around the empty cell. “I hate this.” 

“So do I.” Curtis pushed up to stretch himself out, the bench a hard unrelenting place. He would much rather be in his bed with you, soft, and warm in his arms. “Probably those bastards will just get a slap on their hand and let go too.” 

“Fuck I hope not.”

It was hours later when they were finally let go, served with papers for fines they needed to pay. Charges were dropped against them for assault, much to Curtis’surprise. You and Yona were sitting out in the lobby, both of you huddled in the uncomfortable seats, heads leaning against one another in what must have been an unrestful sleep. Edgar was gentle when he touched Yona, his hand brushing along the side of her face, whispering her name. Curtis squatted in front of your seat, letting his hands slide over yours till your eyes slipped open and you gave him a sleepy smile, sliding forward to hug around his neck. 

“Hey, I didn’t think they were ever going to let you out.” You muttered into the crook of his neck

He squeezed you back assuringly, rubbing at your back. “They like to drag ass over this stuff. You ready to go home?” 

“Please.” You pulled back to let him go and Curtis held you against him a second longer before letting you ease off the seat, pulling himself back up to a stand. In the parking lot, you said goodbye to Edgar and Yona, who were quick to promise to call later to reschedule the missed triple date at the bar but you could tell they just wanted to head home. Neither had gotten a lot of sleep that night. Curtis was relieved to see his truck already there. 

“Grey?” 

“Yeah, he said he had a spare to your house and grabbed your extra keys.” You dug them from your purse to hand over to Curtis. 

Getting in, the drive back to the house was quiet. But not the typical comfortable kind that happened between you two, more like you had something on your mind and it was worrying you, causing unspoken tension. “Did you stay there all night Honey?”

“Hmm?” You turned back towards him just as he was pulling into the driveway, next to your car. “Oh yeah, Yona was set on staying till she at least saw Edgar, and good luck getting me to leave after what happened. Every time we asked to see either of you, they had an excuse not to let us talk to you.” You paused as if collecting your thoughts. “They seemed to not like you. At all.” 

“Mmhh, yeah,” Curtis said, he wasn’t ready to elaborate and you let it die there for now. Instead, you both made your way into the house, yawning loudly as you looked at the time. 

“Good morning, about the time I typically wake up.” You chuckle and Curtis rubbed at his face, making himself go cross-eyed a bit. 

“How about today we nap in bed instead, take a real lazy day?” 

“I could really go for that.” You shrugged out of your jacket and hung it up, offering to take his. 

“Deal, you wanna go get comfy upstairs and I will be up with some snacks?” Curtis offered. 

“I can make you something if you want?” You hesitated at the foot of the stairs, thinking out loud. “I have those veggies diced up and you got eggs, I saw them in there yesterday. I could make us western omelets.”

Curtis shook his head, directing you back towards the stairs. “Nope, I got it. Go shower if you want and get comfy… wear that tee of mine I love so much?” 

You went up a few steps, twisting to face him while still inching up the steps, grinning. “That and what else?” 

“Absolutely fucking nothing.” He gave a feral grin, even as tired as he was and you laughed while finishing going up the stairs. Curtis heard the house's old pipes groan, signaling you started your shower. It gave him plenty of time to get some of the quick easy snacks he had in the house. Grabbing some of Sophia’s granola bars, a bag of your favorite goldfish, his stash of Oreo cookies, and some other randoms he found in the pantry. Then he was sure to make you a cup of your favorite tea with generous dollops of honey to sweeten it to your liking. He took a quick sip, making sure it was how you liked it. 

Curtis finally made it upstairs where his bed never looked so good. Especially with a few of your clothes littered on it from where you undressed to shower. Dropping the snacks at the foot of the bed, he heard you turn the water off, steam flowing from out of the shower. Yanking off his shirt and pants, he walked into the bathroom in his boxers, preparing the tub for himself while you stood at the mirror doing a few last-minute things. 

“There’s a cup of tea on your nightstand Honey.” He brushed a kiss to your still bare shoulder, the towel firmly wrapped around you while you rubbed some of your lotion on your face and down your neck. 

“Thanks Curtis, water should be plenty hot. I was quick.” You smiled at him in the mirror while he shed the last of his clothes and slipped in behind the curtain. 

You finished what you were doing, sure to clean the sink off while listening to the water splash around Curtis, now and then the curtain would move with his movements. You retreated from the bathroom before he finished, crawling up on the bed and letting yourself lean back into the pillows. 

There was a lot to take in over the past several hours. Something you hadn’t let yourself ponder on till now when it was all said and done. You hated the doubt that crept in, the way Curtis had gone after all those men without any hesitation or fear, then Grey making mention that Curtis had been in trouble before. It wasn’t that you thought of Curtis as being violent, not towards you in the least and you had only heard him lose his temper with Edgar at Halloween. But Jake was always such a nice guy until he wasn’t and you never would have guessed that from him. You knew him your whole life, your father and his were partners in their consultation firm. 

But then one day it started and you always allowed it to continue while lying to yourself to be okay with it. As much as you loved Curtis, more than you ever felt for Jake, you couldn’t be that way with someone again. 

Curtis came back out, this time dressed in his plaid pajama bottoms and a faded old tee, ready to crawl into bed next to you. You took an appreciative sip of the tea that he made, letting the warm liquid calm you down a bit more while Curtis slipped into the bed next to you, making a grab for the snacks he had brought up and deposited them on the nightstand, grabbing a couple of oreo cookies and flipping one into his mouth. 

“Thank you for coming to get me at the station Honey.” He finally said, breaking the silence in the room while offering you his other cookie. 

You took it, nibbling on it a second before setting everything in your hands aside. “As I said, after seeing the way those officers were acting, I wasn’t about to leave you there.” 

“They dropped the charges surprisingly,” Curtis admitted while leaning back against the pillows, his hand coming up to your back and tracing patterns in it while he started to relax for the first time. “I wasn’t expecting that.” 

You let yourself sink into the feeling of his fingers on you, making your body slowly loosen from his touch, you were soon easing back and curling up next to him, your hand sliding against his chest while he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his side. “They had to drop them after Yona and I went down to fill out our reports against that group, Claude will be going in later today, she told me to do the same thing. Between us and Paulie pulling up his security videos, they weren't able to make anything solid stick. Keeping you overnight was just a way to hold you and Edgar for a while longer." You frowned with frustration.  

Curtis tilted forward to press an affectionate kiss to your forehead, scooping you in closer to him.

"It should have never fucking happened. You, Yona, and Claude should be able to walk across a parking lot at any time." 

You felt the tip of his fingers lift your chin so you looked up at him, the sheer concern in his expression, the way his eyes were a wide blue boring into you, you yet again felt foolish over your concern that this man would in any way hurt you. “Curtis…” You twisted to your hip to face him, letting there be a bit of space between you so you could comfortably look at him to talk. "Yes, I was scared at the moment, but I knew you were close.” 

“Mmmh, They will probably just get a slap on the wrist and nothing further than that.” He practically growled and you let your hand raise to smooth the worried lines in his forehead. 

“Unfortunately that is probably gonna be the case. I hope that they learned a lesson in what the word ‘No’ means though. You and Edgar left them quite a few reminders” You let your hand drop once his forehead smoothed out. “But Grey said that you were familiar with the cops picking you up?” You hesitated, not wanting to bring up his past like this, but you had to know. 

Curtis nodded a bit to confirm. “I can’t say the local Duluth precinct and I are on the best of terms. Of course, this was many years ago, but bar fights weren’t an uncommon thing for me.

You stayed quiet, intent on letting him continue with whatever he wanted to share. “As a young man… I was angry? Lost and unsure of myself, my grandparents did an amazing job being my parents. But I was still mad at the world for having never gotten to have that time with my mom and dad, I never got to see Tyler grow into the man he should have been. I had so many what-ifs built in me. Lillian and Wilford tried to help me, but you know when you are young you miss what is right in front of you.” 

“So all this anger, it turned into fighting?” 

“It did, I would get into it with other people. Looking for it I guess would be the best way to put it. It was the only thing that made me feel good.” He glanced at you worriedly but you kept your features neutral. “I don’t know if I’m explaining it right, I was an angry young man. I’m glad you didn’t know me then.” 

“Hey, we all have our shit, right?” You said with a gentle smile. “Keep going, what happened?” 

“I hit rock bottom. Had to spend some time at a minimum security prison. Not long, but it was several months. My Gram came to visit me several times, and my grandfather did a couple of times. But it was easy to see how disappointed he was. I hated it, I was ashamed of how low I went with it. The judge released me and I went to Nam for a more permanent job.” His fingers flowed up and down your arm, making pleasured sensations settle in you, retaining that connection even while you two were separated a bit to face each other. “Sent me to training and I started from the bottom up. Grandpa was retired by then so I worked up to his position.” 

“You must have wanted the change to work that hard Curtis.” You wiggled a bit closer. “Did all those feelings, the anger… they stop?” 

“Um, I channeled them in a new way. Grey and I were friends during this time, he was always trying to get me to go with him to his uncle's gym, just beyond the school called Big Jon Boxing.

When I got out, I finally took him up on the offer. Big Jon taught me some boxing, tossed me in the ring to punch and kick out all those feelings.” 

You half pushed up, leaning on an elbow. “You’re just sharing with me that you can box?” 

Curtis laughed, shrugging a shoulder. “Yeah, pretty good at it too, not to brag.” 

“Do you still go?” You eased down again, now back in his side, curling a leg through his. 

“I haven’t in a while, not since last summer. Grey was telling me Big Jon was asking when I’m coming back.” 

“So since you met me?” You huffed out, making Curtis chuckle again. 

“Well, I also have some equipment down in the cellar for when I couldn’t go. But yeah… I haven’t felt the need to.” 

You smiled a bit to yourself, it was hard not to feel a bit of pride that Curtis didn’t need such an outlet. Your hand slipped under his tee, tracing your fingertips on his belly, sinking into your thoughts. “Would you go back?” 

“Of course, it is like another home, much like Paulie’s is. I just… haven’t. Actually, in light of what happened, would you like to go?” 

“Me? To a gym?” You wrinkled your nose, the idea of it making you wildly self-conscious. Gym’s always felt like a nightmare, all those fit people and then there is you. You tried, in the past. You went to Jake’s gym using his membership. Always when he was at work, not that he ever said anything, but you could tell that he was embarrassed to see you struggling with the equipment. 

“Yes you Honey. We can teach you some self-defense moves in case you ever feel unsafe or have to be alone.” His hand was assuring on your side, all while his belly flexed under your fingertips. You felt him grasp at the back of your thighs, easing you over him till you were straddling him, leaning against his chest till you pushed up to a sit, using your knees folded under you to keep from leaning too heavily against him. Underneath you he looked perfectly relaxed and content, waiting on you to sort through your doubts and fears about going to the gym. “You could knock Edgar out next time he pisses you off.” He smirked at you and you couldn’t help the little amused smile you gave at your friend's expense. 

“So tempting, but…” 

“But what Honey.” His hands slipped up the bare part of your thighs to grasp gently on your hips and ease you to relax against him. “Tell me.” 

“It’s the gym, full of beautiful fit people.” 

“Nah, this is a cool gym. It’s for everyone.” Curtis said. His hands flexed against your hips, making him smirk a bit up at you. “I could buy you all those hot leggings too. All the leggings.” His eyes glinted up at you wickedly, making you feel heat flush your face and down your chest, your heart race in excitement and apprehension. 

“I have leggings already Curtis, you don’t have to buy me more.” 

“I know and you are always fucking hot in them.” He slipped a hand up your back to lightly grasp the back of your neck, pulling you in close for his mouth to find yours, drawing you into a heated kiss as he set out to prove just what he felt when seeing you in those leggings. Being tired completely forgotten when he flipped you to your back and hovered over you, chaining kisses down your neck and working your shirt up while you did the same with his to toss it away for the rest of the day. 

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

My Jason Todd Rec List and Character Manifesto! (Edited and updated 28/01/2024)

This is a fuckin mess my ghouls, but I got categories and I got opinions and who can stop me from typing em out? Certainly not @lazaruspiss who is the reason this thing got made!

The format is gonna be

title and page numbers (No #s if I'm recommending the whole title) picture Summary and general notes My estimate of how unhinged he is in this portrayal What his morals are like; note this isn't about whether he's a protagonist or antagonist

Since cream rises to the top, let us start with:

The Creme de la Creme

The best of the best. The most fun, the most compelling, the most interesting looks into his character.

Green Arrow (2001) #69 - #72

This one really does have it all. Jason runs rings around both Batman and Green Arrow at the same time, all the while going after a goal neither of them ever truly figures out in large part because this story wasn't afraid to let Bruce be either wrong or lying about Jason's motives. It also wonderfully leverages the ways in which the Bats and the Arrows are really good foils for each other. I think I'm going to be turning over the ways these interactions went down for a long ass time. I've been really wanting to go page by page for a comparison between the way Jason treats Mia in this and the way Jason treats Tim in the Titans Tower showdown. Bottom line for this one: It's just so good!

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's got a solid grip on things, is reasonably level headed, only problem is he might have completely forgotten how to interact with other human beings outside of combat. Love him for that.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. Decidedly willing to mow down some "brain donors", and his goals are pretty morally grey, but he clearly still has a strong code of ethics.

Joker: the Man Who Stopped Laughing

With Jason's return to being an antagonist after a long stint in the Hero bin comes his return to being really fucking dangerous and whip smart! My boy quotes serious philosophy that gives him a real point to make against non lethal vigilantes and cops! I also think the part where he lets himself be arrested just... it says so much and all of it is wonderfully interesting and feels fitting for his character. He's kept deeply human, and just all of this portrayal gels together really well.

At the time of writing, this comic isn't finished yet, so I'm going off of like 12 issues in which he appears less than the Joker, but what is there is phenomenal, even with Gotham War having... Minorly Derailed Jason's role in things, and one or two inevitable scenes where ya just have to accept that he's not as trigger happy as he should be because DC is married to the Joker.

Also I like that he's friends with my favorite, Stephanie Brown :3 and he and Rose's chemistry is nice. On top of all that? It's a fun comic. Like, I generally hate the Joker, but I found myself enjoying watching the Joker do his Joker things in this one.

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. Level headed, calm, careful, really the only reason this isn't a 10/10 is cause he's obsessively focused, which like, honestly is pretty reasonable I think.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Clearly Justified Antihero. I almost put down Hero on this one, but ultimately he is just far enough over the line with how he treats the less threatening of the rogues like Killer Moth.

Batman (1940) #408 - #411 Jason's debut featuring Ma Gunn's School and his first ever outing as Robin fighting Two-Face

Just LOOK at this PRECIOUS BOY! I wanna pinch him on his cheeks and give him a handful of these bad boys

Jason has a ton of personality to him right out the gate. The first story has Ma Gunn as the villain and she's a lot of fun. The second story in here with Two-Face is also enlightening with regards to Jason's early personality, even if it's not quite as fun.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Under the Red Hood would be next if it wasn't already filed under ->

Foundational Texts

This is the shit that defines Jason as a character. Much is mutable in any given comic, but somehow, someway, all depictions of Jason are impacted and informed by these three stories. Enough has been said about all of them that I'm gonna keep it brief.

Red Hood: The Lost Days

Jason's sanity level: Eight out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. He kills some incredibly nasty people, while also doing some genuinely heroic shit. The only places where his morals deteriorate are in the presence of Batman and the Joker.

Under the Red Hood

Jason's sanity level: Four out of Ten hinges affixed. Remember how his morals deteriorated in the face of Batman and the Joker? Yeah, that's mostly because he's way, way too personally invested to think straight about them. He's strategic as fuck, but this is not a stable man's strategy for dealing with his issues.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. He is a revenant, a vengeful juggernaut, and breaks an awful lot of eggs making this brilliant disaster of an omelette.

Batman (1940) #426 - #429 A Death in the Family

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Joker becoming an ambassador to Iran plotlines count: One too many.

Solid Storylines

These ain't the vaulted heights, but not everything has to be the Sistine Chapel. They're solid, and if you're wanting more Jason I do certainly recommend them.

Countdown Presents: The Search for Ray Palmer and Countdown to Infinite Crisis

Jason is in what I like to call his Purposeless Depression Era during this. It's after his plans in Under the Red Hood fail and he's really just got no place to go, no place to be, and in fact is keenly aware that on a cosmic level, he truly does not belong in this world anymore. He's supposed to be dead. There's something I find quite neat about this team up, with Donna Troy and Kyle Raynor and Bob, it's out of the ordinary for Jason, it's not bat related, and the ways he fits and doesn't fit with the other characters are just neat.

I especially recommend Gotham by Gaslight. The plot will be a lil hard to follow if you haven't read the others, but Jason by the end hopes to return to Victorian Era Steampunk Gotham and the moments of him hoping to literally leave his universe behind are both sweet and sorrowful.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's just sad and lonely.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. Even if only Donna is willing to tentatively try to see him that way.

Robin (1993) #177 and one page of #182 and the front half of #183

Despite how much Jason is known for it, I think this is the only time we see him trying to run organized crime outside of Under the Red Hood (and uh debatably Battle for the Cowl). Short lil string of appearances, but critical for understanding how he's seen by Tim during this era if you care about that, and it really cemented my understanding of Jason being strangely honest and forthright.

I think the major way other Bats fail to comprehend him is that they expect him to manipulate through lying, which just isn't his style. He doesn't lie about his motives; he doesn't obfuscate his tactics; he doesn't hide how he's feeling. Hell, he doesn't even try to lie his way out of prison! I could not tell you why this series of interactions gave me this impression but it is why I have such faith that when Jason says something, he probably just means it, even when characters like Dick or Tim assume otherwise.

Pity this was the lead up to Battle for the Cowl.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's even attempting to pick himself up out of his Purposeless Depression Era slump at the start.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero.

Nightwing (1996) #118 - #122 aka Brothers in Blood aka the One Where Jason Gets Tentacles

COWARDS and KNAVES will tell you "the tentacles are so icky and everyone is so OOC" or whatever but again they are KNAVES and COWARDS because bitch this shit is GREAT

Jason: Wow! My bestest big brother killed someone who deserved it, so now I (the person he's rejecting only because I kill people who deserved it) have a real chance at being his family again!! :D Hooray! :) Dickie-Bird why don't you look happy to see me? :) Dickie-Bird I went out of my way to get us matching outfits and stalked your work and killed people in your name so it's nice and easy to make room for me in your life! :) :) :)

Dick:

Jason's sanity level: Two out of Ten hinges affixed. My mans is off his rocker and I adore him like this. Frankly, the entire storyline is unhinged, and it only feels appropriate that Jason is similarly bonkers in yonkers.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. You can sympathize with him, and he is still trying to carry out justice, but I have to call it for straight villain when he's threatening to bomb a building full of innocent people.

Batman and Robin (2009) #23 - #25

I don't have much to say about this one. It's good. The above page is pretty much the highlight.

Wait actually I do have something to say and it is that I would like to lick Jason's abs, pls & thx, because the other highlight is that Winick clearly believes in redeeming Jason's value as a villain through sex appeal and it is working lmao

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. Certifiably sane, he's passed all his psych exams!

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. He threatens to bomb a train station full of innocent people. While he does do that in service of freeing himself and Scarlet, thus making it not completely self centered, I still gotta put him firmly in Villain.

Nightwing (2016) 2021 Annual

In high contrast to the previous two in which Jason acts as a villain to Dick, this one has them working together and the tentative peace and cautious trust they've got going is interesting to me. This Team Z era Jason is interesting to me in general, though I don't know much about him.

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. He's quite chill, but there's just this little edge to him that says his relationship to violence is a little too casual a little too deep to really be fully hinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Edgy Hero.

Your Mileage May Vary

These stories I can't recommend without major caveats or warnings, but I still think are worth mentioning.

Gotham War (It's such a mangled mess that I'm just gonna link a reading guide.)

So, the main problem here is that Gotham War spans five different titles and had three different authors whose renditions of Jason do not feel cohesive or even coherent. The funny thing is though, each rendition has real merits, and while it doesn't go far enough in condemning Bruce's horrifying treatment of Jason for many people's tastes, I have to point out that it's one of the only comics to condemn an instance of Bruce mistreating Jason at all. The fact that the other Robins come to his defense is a HUGE thing! The bar may be in Hell, but it did clear the bar!

Due to how disjointed it is, I'm going to very loosely separate Jason out into two versions of himself. Think of these not as hard lines, but more a spectrum he slides across depending on what author has him that issue.

Jason Primus combines the ideas in Jason's Under the Red Hood speech about controlling crime rather than trying to stomp it out with his more Heroic modern interpretation. He's a chill, funny, smart guy whose protectiveness over the mooks is really charming.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Jason Secundus is much more violent, not used to working with other people, and paranoid and antsy in a way that causes him to take it out on people who really don't deserve it. This is a compelling take on him, though I like him closer to Jason Primus. His trauma has clearly shaped him a lot, both for better and for worse.

Jason's sanity level: Seven out of Ten hinges affixed. Jason's moral compass bering: Anti-Hero, most of this focuses on him antagonizing two former Joker goons which kinda doesn't work well cause they're mostly scarecrow goons actually and also at one point he hurts them in a way that borderline just seems like stress relief. It's nothing worse than what we see Batman himself doing countless times, but it's still jarring because we've been made to strongly sympathize with the goon in question.

Batman: Three Jokers <- I read it while typing this up, so I got a lotta thoughts

Guh, this one is just fucking sad

So, I don't mind a story being blunt with its message as long as the message actually holds up. Unfortunately, this three parter's attempt at the cycle of violence lesson is... bad. Real bad.

Jason in it is neat! This is a good Jason portrayal somehow despite literally everything about the way this comic frames him! The narrative expects us to believe he is a danger to society on the cusp of becoming another Joker, because he *checks notes* shot the Joker dead, shot at a Joker loyal guy, and roughly interrogated an injured child abuser. At no point does he show signs of wanting to hurt innocent people. At no point does he show signs of doing any hurting without premeditation or a need to defend himself. I'm baffled by this.

My kingdom for a fucking CRUMB of nuance, I swear, smh...

I hear a lot of people hate his one sided romance towards Barbara. This is understandable as it squanders the opportunity to have a female character not be stuck as the narrative sponge for man emotions. I like it from the perspective of a Jason fan, and give condolences for the Barbara fans. It's not healthy, and good fucking job on the janitor sweeping away his letter to her so poor Babs doesn't have to deal with that shit, but I do like Jason's desperation to be loved by someone, anyone, who might show him compassion.

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's sad, he's lonely, he needs some PTSD specific therapy, he's a bit creepy about his crush on Barbara, but quite frankly he has it together a lot more than the narrative would like us to believe. The way the other characters treat him like he's some kind of monster just waiting to snap and start maiming people indiscriminately makes me really uncomfortable.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. Quite frankly I'm tempted to say Hero out of spite.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #1 - #43

There are three transcendental character moments in this run that I think make it worth reading even if not all of it's your cup of tea. On the other hand though there are some big issues that could very easily be deal breakers. Oh and anything after #43 is a wasteland and #43 is included purely for the implication that being transgender made a woman immortal.

The narrative structure is really heavily dependent on rule of emotional impact/cool/allegorical usefulness. Many events will not make any fucking sense based on petty things like basic logic or the laws of physics, but they do work just fine in the area of what makes the story more fun or the emotional beats hit harder. Stronger than average suspension of disbelief is necessary for the reward of getting a lot of stuff that's, like, just really fuckin cool.

The romantic side plot with Artemis is... odd. Either the author, Scott Lobdell, intended to write Jason as a desperate loser trying to date his uninterested lesbian friend who he co-parents with, or he accidentally wrote a romance so awkward and comp-het that I cannot wrap my head around reading it as reciprocated. This works for me because I have a lot of fun reading Jason as a desperate loser who's not even actually in love with her, he just is desperate to cling to the closest thing he's ever gotten to a nuclear family and in denial about being either aro/ace or gay.

Now, lets explore a lil bit of the whole Jason is a loser angle, cause it's not the whole story, there are many points in which Jason gets to be a badass motherfucker, but he is much, much less of the hypercompetant, highly determined, murderous threat he used to be. Almost none of the newer renditions of Jason are. This Jason in particular though is very soft and cuddly, and fits the archetype of man trying to be the edgy bad boy but who secretly just wants a hug and a warm glass of milk.

If I were to describe my personal Jason in a few sentences I would say that he is someone who loves himself viciously. He feels he has been wronged and is willing to burn down the world to rectify that. He will hold your ass at gunpoint and demand the hugs and warm glasses of milk that he fucking well deserves!

This Jason is about as far away from that as you can possibly get. I still like him though, and I do not count him as being a different character, because when you start with emotional logic that goes like this:

It wasn't my fault + I deserve better = I get to burn the world down in order to get better

It becomes extremely difficult to ever stop burning the world without also deciding "It was my fault" or "I don't deserve better". Jason is meant to have changed a lot, and this is a plausible evolution of the Jason I prefer.

Finally, the handling of Bizarro, a mentally disabled character, is a sensitive enough topic that your mileage will vary, even if I can't think of a bad thing to say about it. Jason and Artemis are really pretty good about treating him with respect, giving him help where he needs it and autonomy where he's capable of taking it. They raise him, but don't control him, and he is literally three days old when they find him so this isn't infantilization. It takes the framing of Lenny from of Mice and Men and Flowers for Algernon and rejects them in a way that I am satisfied with. You'll just have to read it for yourself to see if you're satisfied as well.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. I kinda wish he was more unhinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. He even saves a puppy and gives them pats.

Knight Terrors: Robin

Have you ever been in the mood for a syrupy sweet hurt/comfort fanfiction in which Jason and Tim were magically forced to talk about how much they like each other in order to overcome their own insecurities? Do you wish that existed as a lavishly illustrated two issue comic?

If you answered yes to those two questions then congratulations! It does exist, this is it, go have fun!

If you think that sounds like ham fisted garbage turning what should be several long arcs of serious reconciliation and deeply meaningful character moments into two issue fan service schlock then condolences! I wish you all the best in denial, as all comic fans sail that river sooner or later and I shall join you upon it someday.

What category do I fall into? Well I think this is definitely ham fisted, but I won't kick a boar out of bed as long as they ain't a bore, and this little ditty is certainly entertaining.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason't moral compass bearing: Hero.

Batman and Robin Eternal

This is a decent portrayal of Jason in his modern, much friendlier, and much more bat family integrated rendition. He has some fun moments in it, and I like his staby bracers.

I don't like this comic. It commits the most dire of writing sins: Being boring. I think about Jason every second of every minute of every day; if your comic that majorly features a good portrayal of him cannot hold my attention, then something has gone very wrong. Hopefully one of you will like it more than I do.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Suicide Squad: Get Joker! (Content warning for suicide, skip to the hot take if this'll get to ya - also spoiler warning cuz I can't discuss this properly without discussing the ending)

A three issue miniseries in which Jason is inducted into the Suicide Squad on a mission to kill the Joker. He's highly competent as a team leader, grounded, intelligent, and uses measured violence in a way that is satisfyingly tactical. The squad they threw together honestly has some pretty neat chemistry as a whole, and the characters were appropriately messy and quite likable.

This isn't higher on the list because it thinks it earned it's ambiguous ending, and frankly, it's wrong about that. Ambiguous endings live and die by the question they make the audience sit with - It has to be worth losing out on the emotional payoff of a solid ending.

The question of "If you left Jason in a room with the Joker and a gun with one bullet, would he shoot the Joker or himself?" is a really shitty question. Like, did the authors not realize that just on a logistical level, Jason could leave the room and find a second bullet after shooting the Joker? Like, seriously, even if we accept the premise that Joker's speech got to Jason, there are no reasons for him not to choose the "both" option. The only way I can imagine this working is if the Joker is actually the fucking Purple Man from Jessica Jones using mind control.

So we exchanged the validation of literally all our protagonists' struggles/sacrifices paying off for... the vague implication that Jason unforgivably betrayed his teammates, himself, and the entire world because he was so eager to die that he couldn't wait ten fucking minutes. If I loved the Joker I might feel differently about it, but as is, I felt insulted.

This would have been Solid Storylines or maybe even Creme de la Creme if not for that implication. It's not boring though! The rest of it up to the end is honestly pretty damn good, if a bit convoluted, and much of the ending's sour taste can be assuaged by getting out a sheet of paper and doodling Jason opening Joker's head with a handgun and then going out for icecream with the team.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's a sad, sad lad tho.

Jason's Moral Compass Bearing: Anti-Hero, forced to be much more violent than he wants to be.

A Hot Take

I bet you thought the tentacles were the hot take! HAH! MuahahaahhHAHAHAH - Prepare now, puny mortals, to witness me defend Pill Helmet Jason AND his fashion choices!

No, I am not talking about Winick's redo late in the game, we've already been over that one. I mean I will defend Grant Morrison's flop era, three foot head gear wearin, goofy ass, unwashed ass, "how to build ur brand" reading maniac

It's time to talk about Batman and Robin (2009) #1 - #6

The interpretation of one scene makes or breaks this Jason:

If you believe he is being insincere and manipulating her into putting all her emotional eggs in the basket of his crusade, ignoring her wellbeing in favor of his 'brand', then this is probably the worst mischaracterization of Jason ever written.

If you believe he is being sincere, genuinely comforting her in the only way that he's got to deal with his own trauma, giving her real affection and not pushing her to take either option with the mask because he trusts her to make that decision for herself, then this gets Jason very right.

No matter what Morrison might have intended, I choose to believe it's the latter. This is terrible advice to give a trauma victim, but it makes perfect sense for Jason to believe that about his own trauma, and thus to pass that maladaptive view along. He doesn't try to assure her that the mask can come off safely or that he'll get her a doctor because he really can't promise her either of those things. It would be cruel to her to pretend that he's got a solution. Jason can't undo the damage that was done to her any more than he can force a dead Bruce to kill the Joker.

Instead he offers her purpose, and reassurance that she's gonna look badass if she never does take it off, and protects her when she's in trouble.

You can claim this is just him acting out his chosen Hero role, but like, WHY would he have chosen to method act that role 24/7 if he wasn't trying to BE a Hero who protects people like Scarlet? There's nothing in it for Jason to fake this.

I also think if he was being written out of character as a manipulator we would have seen him use a romantic or sexual angle which he absolutely doesn't do.

Dickie, you are such a funny Batman, they never shoulda brought Bruce back tbh.

Instead, he seems to be taking a more parental role, in a near perfect reflection of how Bruce took him in when he was a kid. Just he's doing it his way, meaning that whenever Scarlet goes further with the violence than Jason seems to want to, he backs her up instead of chastising her.

Speaking of violence and morals, Let the Punishment Fit the Crime is a coherent moral position to take, even if you (understandably) disagree with it, or disagree with what punishments fit which crimes. It's basically the same moral position as every other version of Jason there's ever been! Like, is he even killing more people than he used to in stories like Under the Red Hood? No, I don't think he is.

The branding thing is weird, lil annoying too after a while, but ultimately it still makes sense. And brings me around to my promised defense of his fashion choices.

First of all the symbolic importance of the fact that he wears white cannot be overstated in my mind. Will I elaborate? No, this post is way too long already lmao! Second off, it's supposed to be silly. I believe the silliness was a conscious, calculated choice, and the right one to make.

Jason doesn't believe that fear works, he's not trying for pure intimidation, and he knows that he's going to have to appeal to people in his bid to be seen as a Hero. Making himself seem big but non-threatening, a bright patch in the night, makes real sense.

Take a look at this view of Jason from Scarlet's POV when he comes to rescue her from the cops after she kills her dad:

He's got a smoking gun in his hand and he just shot two people dead, yet we're hard fuckin pressed to find him intimidating aren't we?? Cornball dialogue, and the silliest fuckin hat in the universe, because he's not meant to be from this era, he's emulating the Golden and Silver age comics and all their goofiness. He's trying to be the older, happier, sillier batman that used to exist (at least in his head), while doing what he believes is right and necessary.

The costume makes sense dammit!

Also it just doesn't look bad, I can't provide an argument for this, it's just true!!

Also also every one of these fuckers should be wearing a helmet too, this is basic brain safety, if you're gonna go around antagonizing fuckers with guns you need to make your head at least nominally bulletproof, it's that simple!!!

Now... do I recommend you read this? (This section was rewritten on January 28th, 2024)

Yes, with significant caveats. There's a reason I chunked this in with YMMV.

First is the Batman typical ableism of just really fucked depictions of mental illness. I normally wouldn't warn for this because everyone knows most of the rogues and will be aware of what they bring to the table, but Professor Pyg is obscure enough I wouldn't expect people to know, and the way he's written just... hurts. Like there's just something about him that is painful to read as someone that's got several schizophrenic friends who are near and dear to my heart. I would hesitate to recommend it to any of them the same way I'd hesitate to recommend Silence of the Lambs to most other trans people.

Secondly this comic is Extremely Gay (a definite positive!) however it is Extremely Gay in a way that kinda requires some onboarding and analysis to properly parse and that is actually why this post was edited:

The first time I read this comic, my impression was that it was vitriolically homophobic. Considering that at the time I had heard many things about Grant Morrison, and none of them good, I went with my gut. I put here that while I would defend Jason's characterization, I couldn't in good faith recommend something so bigoted, detailed what felt bigoted, and went on with my day.

Then a while later I saw a post that I suspect was talking about this one saying something along the lines of "How the hell could you call Grant Morrison, who gave us so many of our most iconic gay characters, homophobic? The racism and such I can understand but homophobic? No."

To which my initial response was a resounding: Wha??? Like, genuinely how was I supposed to read this and not get homophobia out of it?? But I went and looked Morrison up and yeah sure enough the guy's queer so I dug deeper and mulled it over until I figured out what the fuck I was missing. So, this section is a correction and an apology about that earlier homophobia claim. Sorry about that.

The styling of this queerness are highly akin to that of the John Waters movie Pink Flamingos which I'll let Matt Baume explain better than I ever could. This guy right here is pretty much the perfect example, Hell, he's even literally named The Flamingo.

Essentially it's queerness is all aggressive, unapologetic, and designed to be provocatively shocking, which can be jarring if you're not ready to flow with it. Also he likely had to arrange a lot of things to get around censorship, same as Judd Winick did. For instance the fact that Dick spoke the same circus lingo as the police precinct destroying troupe of Very Queer Freakshow Workers was meant to imply that Dick is Very Queer too. Pretty sure he would've said that in a far less convoluted way if he could've.

So, with the bulk of my initial reservations about this comic disproven... I have no choice but to straight up recommend it to anyone who thinks they can jive with this vibe of storytelling!

Jason's sanity level: One out of Ten hinges affixed. Obsessive, not taking care of himself, possessed of some really maladaptive trauma coping frameworks, completely unhinged. My condolences to his mental health, but I do love to see it.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. It's weird because this is undeniably a much darker comic, and Jason certainly feels darker, but in terms of what he actually does, and what the other characters do, his violence is honestly very tame.

So, cards on the table, here is the core of who Jason is to me:

He's got clear moral motives and a drive to help as well as harm, though violence and harm are the main ways in which he tries to improve the world.

When confronted he does not back down; he does not let himself be overshadowed or silenced. He is confident in his decisions and every bit of push back is already accounted for in his head.

Everything he does is premeditated. He is not impulsive. His plans may sometimes be unhinged but they are methodically planned.

He is painfully sincere, the way fire is painfully hot.

He desperately desires love and connection, but it will take many years of constant rejection and fighting before he is willing to accept any kind of compromise to his ethics for the sake of civility.

Under all the hurt and combativeness, he's a pretty goofy guy! He's got a sense of fun and likes to be flamboyant and silly when he can!

He's a villain, a hero, a protagonist, an antagonist, and everything between the extremes. He exists as a powerful counter-thesis to Batman, and as such DC can't ever fully answer the question of what to do with him. He exists in this waffling limbo state as his morals are debated, stretched, refuted, turned on their head. I think that makes him a wonderfully fascinating character to love.

I hope you enjoyed this and, like, go have fun reading comics!

[crushedsweets]

What do the proxies think of each other?

this is gonna be kinda messy and disorganized but i got it HANDLED

again, THIS IS ALL MY AU!!! there is a streamline, detailed plot that intertwines, so these characters mingle and grow in ways they probably wouldnt in canon, since different events follow them here O/S Syndrome = Operator/Slender Syndrome, aka slender sickness

Toby: He thinks of Brian and Tim kinda like shitty uncles who only come around every now and again . they used to taunt him a lot cuz toby was always like. annoying, selfish, sarcastic - so it would piss them off, and they'd piss toby off, and then it would be pretty bad. but as toby gets older and calms the fuck down, it gets better between them . he gets pretty sad when they eventually cut him(and everyone) off to move to like, canada or oregon or something.

he likes kate. theyre both outcasts even in a group of creeps and killers and literal monsters.... so toby's always been nice to her. when she refused to come to the cabin, he ended up dragging a mattress over to the mines for her. brings her food, gallons of water, t shirts. she owns random band t shirts that she doesnt even listen to cuz toby gave it to her LMFAOOO . he's the reason kate starts coming and staying at the cabin

Kate: she hates tim. completely cannot stand him. she hates when slendy makes them work together. he's been a dick to her since he met her, because their first time meeting was um. her dragging tim through the forest while he was unconscious. and she was generally part of what tormented him during the events of marble hornets (IN MY AU OBVIOUSLY). he's also uncomfortable because when she kills people she does it with her bare hands. will lick the blood and dirt and grime off her fingers. generally freaky.

she's better with brian. he doesn't remember her tormenting him so much during MH, but he still knows - but he's better at empathizing with her situation. he kinda pieced together what happened to her, while tims just blinded by like. anger and trauma. dont get me wrong, brian is still uncomfortable around her (again, she acts really scary when working), but when she's not working and she just sits there. she looks so tired, and she's so quiet, and its sad. he feels for her.

she likes toby, too. first person to treat her fully like a person after becoming a proxy without her having to like, beg for it (directly or indirectly). again, he brings her things, he's kind to her, laughs with her. he'll tease her and make fun of her but she can tell it's not with ill intent so she'll do it back - she considers him her best friend for a while.

Tim:

HE'S A HATER HE'S A HATER HE'S A HATER ok i know i call him an asshole and say he's mean a lot but i legit am not mad at him and i think he is within reason (like 60% of the time) since like. kates dragged his unconscious body through the forest and left him covered in scratches/bruises, toby's almost always throwing the first punch, he's had his entire life derailed for so fucking long, and these kids don't make it any easier- he could've been in kates position, which is the one thing that makes him kinda hesitate when he wants to say smth mean. he usually isnt an asshole unprompted, but he'll always take it the second step.

a lot different for brian. he wanted him dead for a while too. blamed him for a lot of stuff, but at this point he........... has nobody else. brian is his friend. i feel like writing too much about the complication of their relationship kinda takes away from it. theyre roommates, they leave together, they'd fight tooth and nail to stay in eachothers lives. despite everything

Brian:

i feel like i dont have a lot to say about brian since I already described everyone else's relationship...

just to sum it all up with him, he cares more about all three of them then he lets on. but he's also a lot better at showing he cares. he brings some basic groceries and beer and shit over to the cabin pretty frequently, he'll hang around toby and if kates there, ask if she needs anything. she usually just shakes her head, but on the off chance she says she wants like. a specific drink. he kinda feels like he got +1 friendship points with her LMFAOOO . and obviously he jokes around and messes with toby when they're not fighting

and again, same thing with tim. that's his friend. he's missing a LOT of memories from the events of MH, but tim hasn't hesitated in telling him how he feels about it... and he feels bad. it all sucks. even now, he says things he doesnt mean, just because all of the guilt and anger and trauma gets him and tim both riled up. then they go get a drink together and move on

overall, the proxies are pretty messy. brian and tim arent very present anymore, toby and kate are sort of taking on their 'in charge' roles. their relationship slowly mends itself over time, since my AU largely focuses on improvement and recovery and redemption (HOWEVER MUCH THEY CAN ALL THINGS CONSIDERED...), but its still pretty bad

[luveline]

rockstar! remus where reader is lost in her mind maybe insecure and she's been a bit cold/distant cause she think this can't last but remus is not going anywhere he will always reach for her

thank you for your request, I love the idea!!! ♥︎ fem!reader

Remus does the weirdest of things. He's always been weird in his charming, awful way. You're rightfully obsessed with him, as are millions of others, but you're privileged to say you're the only one who gets to see him like this.

"Baby, baby," he sings under his breath, playing with your hands held aloft above his face, "let me sleep on it."

"No more Journey," you murmur tiredly.

"It's by Meat Loaf, my love."

You're more embarrassed than you should be for getting it wrong. Remus definitely doesn't care. You wouldn't normally, because everyone messes stuff up like that all the time. Like, every second of the day. But Remus is a rockstar, his band plays arguably some of the best modern rock of the decade, and he's a classic rock nerd. He knows every lyric Jim Steinman's ever written, hence his impromptu yet extremely accurate rendition of Paradise by the Dashboard Light.

And you're getting more and more aware of the differences between you.

"Shall I sing you something else?" he asks.

You love how he's dropped into this properness. "You may."

He sits up and wobbles with the tour bus. He always gives you this apologetic look when it happens, like he's sorry the roads are rough. It's exactly the kind of thing he'd feel sorry for, and it makes you wanna kiss him. "Turbulence," he jokes.

He starts to sing one of his favourites, Smoke on the Water. He's moved your hands to his lap, where he drums his thumbs against your knuckles haphazardly. You don't have a clue what he's up to, why he's decided to distract you like this. Well... maybe you do. You aren't good at hiding your feelings. He's waiting for you to tell him what's wrong. He'll likely wait all night.

"I owe you an apology," you say quietly.

He beams at you. It's disconcerting. "For what?"

Being distant. You can't make yourself say it so you don't say anything, but you do turn your hands in his so you can squeeze the tips of his fingers. His calluses are rough, but his hands are sweet. He spreads his fingers and intertwines them with yours, eyebrows wagging at you.

"Do you want me to guess?"

"No," you say, "I don't want you to guess, baby."

"I love the way you say that." He's being genuine. It's excruciating in its earnestness. "You have a nice voice."

"So you tell me."

"So I tell you."

He doesn't seem particularly worried about his owed apology, tugging you forward so he can steal a kiss, another, firm pecks that don't quite line up with your lips. You don't manage to kiss back the first time, but the second is good. You turn your head into his and your eyes close, your hands vying for his waist even as they're locked with his. He fights back, hands pushing against yours, an impasse of squeezing.

"I yield," you mumble, trying not to giggle in panic as your knuckles twinge.

He laughs into your mouth and follows you backward, smiles squished together, his weight shifting. He moves onto his thigh and you know he's gonna climb on top of you if you let him. You want to let him.

You duck your head. "I really do need to talk to you."

"Sorry," he says, sitting back. "I wasn't trying to- Well, I was trying derail you. Not because I don't want to hear it." He cups your cheek for a split-second. "You're hard not to kiss, you know?"

"Why do you say stuff like that?"

He goes shy, eyes falling to your hands, one pair still clinging. "'Cause I mean it?" he suggests carefully.

"I've been... quiet. And not as nice to you as you deserve."

He livens up. "Dove, I know touring's been hard on you. I'm not expecting you to be happy all the time here. You're here for me, and I know you made a lot of sacrifices to come. None of that is lost on me."

Sacrifices? Had you made sacrifices? Not nearly as many as he seemingly thinks. "Remus," you say. "Don't do that, for a second. Don't be so nice."

"I just don't think you should be sorry. Or feel guilty."

It's very Remus to make excuses for things that aren't his fault, and even more for him to tell you that you shouldn't be sorry. You climb up on your knees and take his face into your hands, head swimming with perspective. Remus could've returned your coldness with his own, but he'd simply laid his head down in your lap and serenaded you, played with your fingers, pressed absent kisses into your torso. And now, when you're trying to say sorry, he's extending an olive branch. He's reaching out for you.

His hands curl around your hips.

"I'm sorry I've been weird," you say, enunciating each word purposefully. "It's- I really- I love you, Remus. And I love that you love me. And I keep waiting for you to realise it won't work, but you don't, and you're so," — his smile grows so wide you can't help but smile in return, joy warping your words and making them all sticky — "lovely. You're lovely. I don't know what to do with you half the time."

"And the other half?" he asks quietly.

"I can't stand you."

"That's not what you were saying at all," he says.

He looks so pretty. Remus doesn't get how fucking pretty he is, his light brown hair, his long eyelashes, his always-tired nonchalance. You follow the scar that strikes through his right eyebrow and over his nose with your eyes, and you kiss the end of it with vigour.

"No," you admit into his skin, giving him a badly placed, damp little kiss. "What I was gonna say is worse. Kind of shit you shouldn't say sober."

"Can I get you something to drink?"

You giggle voraciously and sit back on your haunches, hands falling to his biceps. He folds his arms back to squeeze your hands again. "Scamp."

"What decade is this?" he asks. "'Scamp'. That's done it, actually. Pack your suitcase, I'm leaving you at the next services."

You're so startled you burst into genuine, ugly laughter. You can't make any sense of it, and before you know it you're pressing your face into his chest and gripping his t-shirt.

"Fucker," you say as he laughs the same, his big hands braceleting your elbows. "Fuck you. I'm leaving you at the services."

"In that case, we'll split a room in the Premier? S'fucking extortionate pricing these days."

More awful laughter, keening and high-pitched and stupid happy. Being with someone like him will always be hard and a little bit scary, but Remus makes it worth it.

[dotthings]

Ohhhh it's time to have a conversation about season 6 and unreliable narrators. Something, in general, that's an important theme on spn throughout the series.

In 6.06 people are cursed to speak the truth. But some of those outbursts aren't confessions of things they are guilty of, they are truths based on what they believe, what they fear, what their perceptions told them, they are not objective truths. Audience knows more than the characters do.

For example, Lisa's "truths" to Dean while she's under Veritas' spell:

LISA You've got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life like that and not freak out? Just, what, drink half a fifth a night and you're good? DEAN You knew what you signed up for. LISA Yeah. But I didn't expect Sam to come back. And I'm glad he's okay. I am. But the minute he walked through that door, I knew. It was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I've ever seen. And as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy. That came out so much harsher than I meant.

Both of Lisa's speeches there get taken by some to be raw, objective truths. But they aren't. There's a grain of truth. Dean does have all kinds of PTSD and a drinking problem, and Dean and Sam do have some dysfunctional and codependent issues. But Lisa hasn't hit on the deepest truths or the whole truths and she's speaking out of fear. There's things in Lisa's speech that aren't The Truth.

Why did Dean shove Ben? Because Dean was a vampire at the time and he was protecting Ben from himself. Dean's PTSD, his angry grieving, his drinking, that isn't why he shoved a child who is like a son to him. Lisa's scared of Dean now, and believes Dean is something he's not, because Dean didn't tell her the truth, he didn't tell her he was turned into a vampire.

This speech of Lisa's is often taken as proof that Dean and Sam only need each other and that Dean is incapable of maintaining other relationships and that's not canon. It's not what canon is saying. Canon is about the tragic irony that Dean believes it's the truth but it's not. It's also not The Truth that Dean can never be happy with Sam or find fulfillment inside his hunting life. Lisa's greatly catastrophizing everything, which is understandable. She's a mom protecting her child, the guy she loves is acting weird, I would kick him out too.

And look at the tests being put on Dean and Lisa's relationship--Dean turned into a vampire. Sam being soulless. Yeah, it's the life, mostly it's the life and there is a thing there about the difficulties of a long-term relationship with a civilian who can't process that level of horror and how screwed up things can get, and yet Lisa has handled everything with equanimity. What derailed it is Dean didn't tell her the truth. How would all this have gone if Dean hadn't been turned into a vampire, and if Sam had returned whole?

Lisa would rather know it wasn't really Dean, that Dean is so strong he was fighting off the vampire bloodlust, and he would never hurt Ben. Even has a vampire. He pushed Ben away to protect Ben.

That is The Truth. Not that Dean is such a mess he can't function or that he's dangerous.

And not that Dean doesn't want a relationship, a home. He wants both--he wants to hunt. He also has other things he wants. It doesn't have to be a white picket fence life, but Lisa and Ben represent Dean having a significant other and a child, and he and Lisa have a go at trying to let Dean have both.

Now let's look at Dean's "truths" that he spills to Veritas. (I'm bolding a few things in particular)

VERITAS Hey, Dean, I'm curious. What do you really feel about your brother? DEAN Better now. As of yesterday, I wanted to kill him in his sleep. DEAN I thought he was a monster. But now I think... VERITAS Now you think what? DEAN He's just acting like me. VERITAS What do you mean? DEAN It's the gig. DEAN You're covered in blood until you're covered in your own blood. Half the time, you're about to die. Like right now. I told myself I wanted out... that I wanted a family. VERITAS But you were lying. DEAN No. But what I'm good at... is slicing throats. I ain't a father. I'm a killer. And there's no changing that. I know that now.

As with Lisa, these are not lies. This is what Dean believes, based on fear, they are not objective truths and we know these are not objective truths about Dean, we know this is Dean's self perception. And Dean's belief that he is only good for killing is a series long arc.

There are actual truths mixed in with the self-perception. What Dean confesses to Veritas is that he really does want to be with Lisa and Ben, that this wasn't a lie, it's sincere, but now he realizes he can't because he's a monster, he's a killer, that's all he is so he can't be near these kind people who love him.

Dean's self perception is that he's just like soulless Sam.

Yet what have we been seeing on screen in S6? Dean's caring like a beacon. Dean as the warm center caught in a web of other people's lies and ruthlessness. Dean's caring, Dean's heart, Dean's multiple facets. Soulless Sam mimicking Dean to pass as compassionate.

Yet Dean thinks he's the monster and that Soulless Sam is a mirror of himself.

What are Dean's innermost fears? That he's nothing but the kill. That his only purpose in life to have blood on his hands and slay monsters and he has no other worth and he can't have anything else.

Those are based in fear and his self-perception. They are not Truths.

Lisa's speech. Dean's words to Veritas. These are not proof of what some people think they're proof of.

That is the tragedy of Dean, that Dean is so many things, audience (at least, the perceptive part of audience) can see it, and Dean can't. Dean can't see his own heart. Dean can't see his own capabilities. Dean can't see all the things he is. To himself, he is nothing but a killer who acts like someone without a soul.

[bucket-barnes]

What a fool you were

Guess who was feeling Stabby 😀…it was me. I crave violence and have some lingering bisexual rage against Harry Hook- here’s some angst! Hope you like poison!

TW: someone’s gonna die and I do not shy away from trying to make you cry. If you’re unable to handle depictions of sickness and death, feel free to pay this no mind and keep scrolling. If you’re here to let me make you cry, read away.

(Characters: sea three, sorta but not really core four+ben, hook siblings, lost revenge crew)

He was a fool

He was an absolute fucking fool

They were sent on a diplomatic mission in Camelot, King Arthur wasn’t willing to comply with some of king Ben’s new laws regarding the…villains. Uma and her pirates had been sent to deal with the problem, since, no one would dare mess with Uma and with her entire crew to back her up, there was no way this could go wrong…right?

It took ten minutes for the meeting to derail and turn into a battle. King Arthur refused to compromise and Uma wasn’t backing down, after a few pointed comments at the young sea witch, sword were drawn and a fight ensued

Metal clashed with metal, swords and daggers flew across the room, breaking statues and knocking lights off the walls, one pirate’s sword ended lodged in the round table. Uma was preoccupied, fighting two knights at once, it was honestly child’s play for her. The knights were trained to fight with honor and uniform, Uma was trained by pirates, to never let her enemy know her next move, it was almost too easy

And then she heard it…that unmistakable yelp

Uma turned around and saw Harry collapse to the ground, his hand clasped over his abdomen…and a knight, with a now bloodied dagger clutched in his hand

Uma saw red. In a flash, the knight was pinned to a wall and the room went silent, weapons clattered to the ground, and knights tossed up their hands in surrender. The lost revenge crew were gathered in a circle around Harry…he wasn’t getting up

Uma ran to her first mate. He was lying on the ground, his hand shakily covering his wound, his breath was uneven and his forehead was beaded with sweat. Uma moved his hand, and then she saw it…dark purple mixed in with red

No…no, no, no. Not him, anyone but him

Uma’s hands began to tremble, traveling up to Harry’s cheek. She looked up at Gil, who already had tears in his eyes

“…Call Ben” it was supposed to sound like an order, but it came out as more of a desperate plea. She looked at Jonas and didn’t have to say a word, he simply nodded and lifted Harry into his arms.

The next couple days were dark. Ben had called every doctor in Auradon, all coming back with the same answer, that there was nothing they could do, it was a kind of poison no one had ever seen before and nothing they tried was working. Mal begged, pleaded with Hades, her own father, to do something, anything to save her friend…but not even the gods could help…all anyone could do was wait. Wait for the inevitable

Uma never left Harry’s side. She stayed with him on the ship, crew members rotating shifts on guarding the door of the captain’s quarters, if they weren’t guarding the door…they were saying goodbye

Harry had changed a lot in the past few days, both physically and mentally. His skin had become a sickly pale, almost like porcelain, his once piercing blue eyes were now cloudy and distant. He didn’t talk, he really only had the energy to mumble and whisper, even then his words would often be interrupted by coughing or moans in agony. He’d try to put on his same suave exterior, not wanting his loved ones to be sad when he eventually passed, though there was only one time he couldn’t keep it together

…with his family

His father was off getting drunk somewhere, unable to cope with losing his only son, his boy. Harriet and CJ were there. Harriet held his hand and knelt down to kiss his forehead, her own eyes glassy with tears, trying so hard to stay strong and not cry in front of her little brother…she could really only manage one phrase

“I love you” the words coming out as a choking whisper. Harry squeezed her hand as hard as he could, as if to tell her “it’s ok”

It was much harder when it came to CJ. Callista Jane, his baby sister, she really did look younger to him. Her features looking more innocent and child-like as she held her brother close and cried into his shoulder

“Please don’t leave” she cried. Harry let a few of his own tears fall as he whispered “…I’m sorry” he couldn’t make that promise, he knew his time was coming, that no one could do anything about it…all he could do was apologize

Harry’s last day was peaceful. It was just him and Uma in the captain’s quarters, she held his hand while he looked into her eyes and smiled, it was a weak one, but he could still see her and that’s all he needed. Uma didn’t let him talk, she knew it’d be too much energy for him and she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, however much time that was

Harry managed to muster enough strength to tuck a piece of Uma’s hair behind her ear, he always loved her hair. Seeing those teal waves always made his day, whenever she asked him, he’d help her braid it, he loved watching it blow in the wind…he’d miss that…he’d miss her

It took some convincing, but Harry got Uma to lay with him, wanting to hold her one last time. She had her head on his chest and his face was buried in her hair, taking in that one last smell of the sea. They laid in silence, coming to terms with the inevitable. Uma took to listening to Harry’s heartbeat. It was uneven and strained, like his body was fighting to keep going. She began to notice a pattern

One, two…three, four. For every two beats, there was a pause, almost like a very slow, ticking time bomb of death, she stayed on his chest for the rest of the day, her tears falling on his skin as the pattern broke…and his heartbeat faded

One, two…three, four

One, two…three…four

One, two…three…

One, two…

One…

…

Numb, that’s what she felt, Uma felt numb. She felt Harry’s hand still wrapped around her arm, it felt cold and empty. She slowly moved his arm and sat up, she stroked his cheek…and she moved a little closer

Maybe, just maybe…

…Maybe the fairytales are right…

Ooooo~ it’s open ended~ you decide how it ends! Is this penance for writing this sappy piece of shit? Yes, do I regret it? We’ll see in the morning! If I made you cry that means I did my job. If you’re wondering “Bucket, where did you get this demented idea?” I couldn’t tell you, but I hope you liked it! Even if I just made you sob

[atwooozi]

gojo x oc

Chapter 15: The Talking Stage

summary: When Gojo's easygoing demeanor suddenly shifts, leaving Ai to wonder if crossing the line with him might cost her more than she's willing to risk, tension brews in the air. Can they find a balance between personal desires and professional obligations, or will their connection end before it even begins?

genre: modern AU, slice of life, comedy, eventual romance, eventual smut, some angst

A/N: I'm so sorry for the inconsistent posting. Although I planned on posting Wednesdays I'm going to have to switch it to Thursdays because of how busy I am with my internship.

The song for this chapter is Na Na Na by ALSA . It's super cute I listened to it the other day when I was driving to work the other day. I feel like it fits this chapter well.

READ ON AO3

“Thank you all for coming, goodnight!” Takaba said with a showy bow to the audience before leaving the sound stage. 

The audience members clapped and cheered as the Takaba's show had wrapped after two hours of taping and honestly, the two hours had flown by. Ai was surprised when people had gotten up from their seats in the audience. She was happy to sit and watch for another hour if they had to. The energy between Gojo, Maki, and Takeba worked so seamlessly.  

Gojo stood up from his seat and stretched, his hands practically reaching the height of the set walls. “I'm so hungry.” He yawned as he hopped over the railing toward Ai’s little trio. “We should get food.” 

“You could’ve just walked around the railing…” Junpei said softly. “There’s an opening right there.”

“I'm gonna pass.” Geto shrugged at Gojo's pout both of them easily ignoring Junpei. “I have to develop some more photos for some stupid project I'm working on.” 

“Hey, I'm not stupid,” Gojo argued. “Ai-chan, tell him.” 

Ai looked over her shoulder at Junpei as if asking for help and to shake the poor kid out of his momentary state of disbelief. She did not want to get sucked into Geto and Gojo's argument, play-fighting or not. 

“U-um, you guys are both equal amounts of stupid,” Junpei said as he stood in front of Ai. 

Ai shook her head and hid her face in her hands. Even if it was true, that wasn’t something that Junpei should’ve said out loud.  

“I'd agree with that,” Maki chimed in with a smirk as she walked past them. 

Gojo's shoulders slumped as he looked at Ai and Junpei with pitiful blue eyes. “You’ll still get food with me though, right?” 

With the way that Gojo was sulking, he reminded Ai of a wet cat. 

“A-actually…” Junpei interrupted Ai’s thoughts. “I have plans so I can't stay.” 

“If you tell me you have a date I'm gonna slap you silly.” Gojo huffed as he practically towered over Junpei. “How can Junpei-kun have a date while his most handsome and interesting mentor not have any plan?”

“Mentor?” Ai arched her eyebrow at Gojo.

Geto scoffed. “Please, I’m more of a mentor than you , Satoru.��� 

“S-senpai…” Junpei panicked and went to hide behind Ai, despite her being much smaller than him. 

Without much effort Gojo had easily derailed their conversation that he had started to begin with. Ai supposed that his ability to change the trajectory of even the most mundane situations could be seen as a feat in itself. 

“Don't bully my kouhai, please,” Ai said as she gave Gojo a disapproving look. 

“Only if you get dinner with me so I'm not alone,” Gojo said as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

Ai rolled her eyes at the man in front of her. “Fine, but you're buying.” 

“Then I get to pick!” Gojo smiled brightly.

“Fine.”

What a mistake she had made…

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺

Ai was now regretting telling Gojo that he was buying because she was now in a grocery store with a handwritten list of ingredients that she had to get. All while Gojo sat in Ijichi's car playing on his phone. She supposed that Gojo couldn't necessarily just walk in and shop himself since he was so popular, but it hadn't stopped him before when he had gone to restaurants and everything else. She supposed it would be weird to see a cardboard cut-out of yourself selling grape-flavored gummies while trying to shop. She clicked her tongue as she looked at the standee before walking past it to pick up some fresh scallions. How was even a cardboard cut-out even receiving so much attention? The stupid thing was covered in kiss marks and was sporting a sign that said ‘please do not touch the cut-out it does not feel.’  

As she moved through the store towards the checkout, she spotted some tasty-looking pudding. The pudding seemed to call out to her, and she bit her lip as she debated whether or not to buy it. She decided that Gojo wouldn't mind her spending a few dollars more on his card for pudding. He could afford it, hopefully. He’d like the treat anyway. 

When Ai returned to the car, Gojo grabbed the bags from her immediately. “Finally!” he said, looking through the bags. “I don’t recall putting pudding on the list, Amada-san.” 

Ai rolled her eyes and buckled herself in. “How can you complain when you sent me in there without as much of a warning? I should keep your card just for that.” 

Gojo plucked the black card out of her hand and pocketed it. “No shot,” he murmured as he looked over the receipt. “Ijichi, can I write this off as a business expense?” 

Ijichi shook his head and adjusted his glasses. “For the last time, Gojo-san, you can’t write something off as a business expense just because you say it is…”

“But I am my own business. If I don’t eat then I can’t work and then who will pay your salary?” Gojo reasoned. 

“I don’t think finances would be an issue, Gojo-san….”   

“But what about Ai-chan? We’re having a business meeting, right?” 

Ai blinked at Gojo unsure of what to say. “Are we?” 

Gojo nodded his head at her, which was somehow both relieving but caused her heart to ache. Had each hang out of theirs just been a business meeting this whole time and she was just reading way too far into it? The fact wouldn’t surprise her, but it still stung. 

Ai sighed and looked out the window as they started to move again, not bothering to answer Gojo’s question, and tuning out the rest of Ijichi and Gojo’s conversation. She couldn't even picture Gojo cooking even if she wanted to. He seemed like he grew up pampered and if the black card was any indicator, it must be true. Hopefully, she wouldn't get sick from his cooking. 

As Ai stared out the window she couldn’t help but notice the familiar scenery as they made their way through traffic. It would be comforting if not for it being so suspiciously familiar. Slowly she felt her body stiffen and she sat up straight in her seat. 

“Ijichi-san…” Ai called out her voice wavering as the car started to slow. 

Before Ai knew it, Ijichi had parked the car. She looked out at the scenery around her and she practically jumped out of her seat. “Why are we parked in front of my building? How do you know where I live?”

Gojo grinned, tapping his temple. “I have my ways. Plus, Ijichi’s a pretty good detective.” 

Ijichi, visibly uncomfortable with the sudden attention, adjusted his glasses and muttered something under his breath about security measures and protocols. 

“Don’t worry, Ai-chan,” Gojo said, hopping out and stretching lazily. “We’re already here so let’s go.”  

Ai followed Gojo out of the car and tried to hurry over to the door. “W-wait…” She looked around to make sure no one on the street was looking at them. “You can’t just come into my apartment.” 

Gojo tossed the bag of groceries over his shoulder and leaned down so he was at eye level with Ai. “Why not?” 

Ai flushed. “Um…because it’s inappropriate?” 

Gojo stared at her silently for a second before he bursted out laughing. “Who cares? C’mon, I’m hungry.” 

Ai sighed and took out her keys to let Gojo in. “Fine, but I don’t have any slippers that will fit you,” she said as she led the way up to her place. There was no use in fighting him–Gojo wasn’t the type to care much about societal rules in the slightest.  

Ai was wracking her brain, wondering how she got here. She hadn’t had a man over since she was in her early twenties, and even then it was awkward as she thought back on it. She just hoped that she didn’t have anything embarrassing out for Gojo to see. 

She stopped in front of the door and turned her back to it, looking back at Gojo. “Wait here for a second.” 

Ai quickly slipped the key in the lock and opened the door only slightly so she could sneak inside without letting Gojo get a peek of her apartment. She yanked off her shoes and put on her slippers before running around her place to see if there was anything incriminating or embarrassing lying around. Thankfully, there wasn’t anything too bad. She quickly picked up some stray clothes that were on the floor and threw them in her laundry basket and she made sure her underwear drawer was perfectly closed. She quickly glanced at her nightstand and let out a sigh of relief when she didn’t see anything that didn’t need to be seen by strangers. 

Ai let out a deep breath and opened the door for him. “You can come in.” She stepped out of the way. “Please don’t mind the mess.” 

Gojo walked in and slipped off his loafers as he looked around. “Cozy.” 

Ai watched Gojo carefully as he took in his new surroundings. Her apartment was small but charming. Her lounge area had a bookshelf overflowing with novels and trinkets from her many trips all over the country, a small couch draped with a throw that her mom had crocheted for her, and a kitchen that was more functional than spacious. She could feel her anxiety bubbling up, worried about his judgment. Her whole home was probably the size of his bedroom.

“What did you have to hide before I got in here?” Gojo asked with a cheeky grin. 

“Nothing!” 

Gojo slipped off his shoes and sauntered into the kitchen, placing the grocery bags on the kitchen counter like he owned the place.

“What do you need?” Ai said as she turned on the lights in the kitchen. 

“Knife, cutting board, bowl, a pan… and I think that’s it,” Gojo said as he rolled up his sleeves. 

Ai nodded and got Gojo the things that he needed. “Can I help?” 

Gojo hummed as he took the groceries out of the bag. “You can skin the carrots.” 

Ai nodded and washed her hands. She glanced at Gojo’s way and was surprised to see him chop the scallions without much hesitation. Ai grabbed a knife of her own and started to skin the carrots for whatever they were making. 

“Do you cook a lot?” 

“Nah, not really. I had to learn how to make some things for Gumi and his sister when they started living with me. I was fine eating junk, but that’s not good for kids.” 

Ai nodded in understanding. “Is this one of the things that you would make for them?” 

“No, this is an Itadori recipe.” Gojo said as he placed the knife down. “So if you don’t like it you can take it up with him. Are you done with the carrots?” 

Ai nodded and handed them to Gojo. “Need me to do anything else?” 

Gojo shook his head. “I got it.” 

Ai took a seat at the counter and watched Gojo quietly cook. She was surprised that when the meat started to simmer in the pan, it started to smell good. She especially liked the smell of the ginger that started to fill the air. 

“I’m gonna make a salad to go with it,” Ai said as she got up from her seat. She felt a bit uncomfortable watching Gojo cook alone in her kitchen. She looked through her fridge and pulled out what fresh veggies she had and used them to make a garden salad for them to share. 

Throughout their odd domestic scene, Ai had almost forgotten that she was supposed to be writing a story about the man in her kitchen. A part of her wished that she could just forget about her work for a minute and enjoy the moment, but unfortunately that wasn’t possible. 

“Ai?” 

Ai flinched as she looked Gojo’s way. He smiled at her gently. “Plates?” 

“Oh right!” Ai said as she ran to her cabinet. She passed Gojo two plates and sighed. “Do you want to eat at the table or…” 

“Here’s fine,” Gojo said as he transferred the meatballs from pan to plate. “I hope you like it.”

Ai nodded and smiled. “It smells good.”  

When Ai glanced Gojo’s way, she did her best to maintain some semblance of normalcy despite the anxiety bubbling within her. Unsurprisingly, Gojo seemed at ease–he came off as effortlessly relaxed no matter the setting. Something was charming about it, but it was ‌equally annoying to her. If anything, she was jealous that he was able to appear so calm while she was internally panicking. 

When Ai finally took a bite of the meatball, she was pleasantly surprised by how delicious it was. The flavors were comforting, reminding her of something her mom would cook for her on a day when she wasn’t so tired. She couldn’t help but let out a small hum of approval, earning a pleased smile from him. 

“Good?” 

Ai nodded. “Yeah, really good.” 

“Not bad for a makeshift dinner, huh?” 

 “Not bad at all,” Ai said as she took another bite. “I can’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal.”

“When do you think that was?” Gojo asked curiously. 

“...maybe in middle school?” 

Gojo raised an eyebrow at Ai, but a relaxed expression washed over his face again. “Your mom didn’t cook?” 

Ai shook her head. “No, she did. She worked a lot so she was always too tired. I would eat lots of cup ramen up until college, honestly.” 

“Your dad didn’t cook?” Gojo asked as he picked at the salad.  

Ai shook her head and bit her lip, debating on what to say. “Didn’t have one.” 

Gojo nodded his head in understanding. “It’s not the same, but my parents were pretty busy so I didn’t see them a lot.”

“What about now?” Ai asked curiously as she took another bite of her food. 

“Oh they’re dead,” Gojo said nonchalantly. 

Ai started to cough, some of a meatball had gotten caught in her throat at Gojo’s casualness. She got herself a cup of water and tried to regain her breath.

“You okay, Ai-chan?” Gojo asked as he watched her curiously. 

Ai sighed as she looked up at Gojo. “Are you okay?” 

“Me?” Gojo gave Ai a confused look before putting it all together. “Oh, you mean about my parents being dead. Yeah, I’m fine.” 

Ai gave Gojo a wary look. “Okay…” 

Her gaze lingered on Gojo for a bit longer. Just like he said he seemed fine, but was he really? She didn’t want to pry, but her heart ached for him. How could someone lose so much and still manage to be okay? 

As they finished their meal together, the atmosphere between them felt a bit awkward. It reminded her of that time she stupidly decided to go to karaoke with him. Once they were done, Ai started to clean up the few dishes they had. When Gojo tried to help, Ai shooed him away. “You cooked, so I’ll clean up.” 

“Fine,” Gojo said as he stretched and yawned. “But while you do that can we go off the record?” 

Ai glanced over her shoulder at Gojo. “Sure…what is it?”

Gojo pursed his lips in thought as he seemed to struggle with how to start.

“You kow, if it’s too hard to talk about your parents we don’t have to, Gojo.” Ai said in a gentle tone. 

Gojo’s morphed into one of confusion his pretty features contorting in a way that would typically make Ai laugh. “What? My parents?” he scratched his head as he thought. “No, I was gonna ask you about Suguru.”

“Suguru?” Ai said about dumbfounded.  

“Yeah…do you like Suguru?” 

Ai frowned. “What?”

She let the dishes sit in the sink to soak in the soapy water as she turned to face Gojo. There was no way that she was going to be able to have a conversation like this without breaking a glass. In her mind, she was prepping to talk about Gojo’s family life, but as per usual the man moved in the total opposite direction. 

“You guys got lunch today.” 

“I just ate dinner with you .” Ai pointed out. 

“Well, do you like him?” Gojo pouted at Ai, crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest. 

“ No , I don’t like him.” Ai spat.

She didn’t dislike Geto, but there was nothing romantic between them. Ai saw Geto as a friend, maybe even her only friend aside from Utahime at this point. She wasn’t sure why she was being so defensive, but she didn’t want to give Gojo the wrong idea about her and his best friend.   

“Are you sure?” Gojo questioned. “I mean, I’m great–look at me.” he said as he pointed to himself but he couldn’t help but frown. “But people–women tend to like Suguru more..” he trailed off. 

There was a stillness in the air as neither of them spoke. And all of a sudden that anticipation flared up again in Ai’s chest like it did just the night before when her gaze met Gojo’s. 

“I don’t like him in that way.” Ai said with a shake of her head. 

“What about me?” Gojo asked as he stepped closer to Ai, closing the distance between them in her small kitchen. 

“You?” Ai’s voice was barely above a whisper. She took a step back, bumping against the sink as she tried to make some space between her and Gojo.  

Gojo nodded and placed his hands on either side of the counter, trapping her in. His gaze didn’t waver as he looked down at her, waiting for an answer. 

“Gojo…” 

“Satoru.” Gojo corrected. 

Ai swallowed thickly as she stared back at Gojo. “S-Satoru, I…” Ai’s voice trailed off as she struggled to find the right words. She felt the weight of his gaze, intense and unwavering, bearing down on her. 

Satoru rested his forehead against Ai’s and she gasped at the closeness. Ai took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She couldn’t deny the attraction she felt towards him, and she knew he knew it. But there were just so many things that she could lose if she crossed that line. She would lose everything. What would Gojo lose? 

“Ai-chan,” Satoru said softly, his voice gentle yet insistent. “Tell me.” His breath felt hot against her skin. 

Gojo put some space between them, but his gaze was still intense. It felt oppressive almost, but she felt like she could breathe normally at the very least. 

“Go–Satoru,” Ai began as she tried her best to keep her voice steady. “I do like you bu–”

Before she could finish what she wanted to say, Satoru took Ai into his strong arms. The hug was so tight she felt like the wind was knocked out of her. 

“S-Satoru!” She gasped and did her best to try and push him off. 

“What?” Satoru asked as he loosened his grip on her. 

“ But ,” Ai tried her best to emphasize the ‘but’ as she spoke. “But I can’t do anything with you without putting myself at risk.”   

Satoru pulled back, his expression a mix of confusion and concern. “What do you mean by ‘putting yourself at risk’?” 

Ai sighed, trying to find the right words to articulate all her worries. “I mean…I’m contracted to work with you. I’m writing a story about you, remember? If anything were to happen between us, it could jeopardize my career—yours too. We both have something to lose.” 

Gojo’s brows furrowed as he considered Ai’s words. “I mean, I get it, but we’re both adults…I think we can keep our personal lives separate from our work.” He reasoned as he rubbed small circles into her hips. 

Ai sighed and put her hands on Gojo’s wrists, pushing them away from her. ”I don’t think so.”  

Gojo pursed his lips as he took a step away from Ai, thinking something over. 

As if to try and calm her racing heart Ai went back to tidying up, reaching for the stray grocery bag to toss, but before she could Gojo reached into the grocery bag and pulled out the puddings that Ai had bought. He held one out to her and when she shook her head causing him to frown. 

“You need to slow down, Ai-chan.” Gojo said as he gently patted her head. “You almost threw out dessert.” 

Ai sighed and nodded, gently brushing Gojo’s large hand away. His touch still lingered the warmth of his hands from where he had touched her had almost felt like they were burning.

“Can I have a spoon?” Gojo asked as he set one of the cups down on the counter. 

Ai reached into her silverware drawer, pulling out a spoon to hand to him. She shivered when his fingers grazed along hers as he took the spoon into his hand. 

Gojo opened up the pudding cup and started to eat the dessert. He seemed to have something that he wanted to say because he met her eyes with a certain determination that she wasn’t used to. 

“Maybe we can meet in the middle?” Gojo said between spoonfuls of pudding. 

Ai furrowed her brows. “Meet in the middle?”

Gojo nodded and took the spoon out of his mouth before swallowing. “Yeah, like you want to get to know me for the article, right?” he leaned back against the counter as he continued. “And I want to get to know you too…for reasons.”

“For reasons…” Ai repeated, causing Gojo to smile. 

He nodded. “Yeah, for reasons,” he scooped up another spoonful of pudding. “What do you think?” 

Ai took a deep breath, considering Gojo’s insane proposal. It was stupid, but she was stupid for actually considering it. She reasoned with herself that maybe she could make it work. They could just enjoy each other's company and that’s all it had to be. They were two adults that could both gain something from it. Ai would be able to write her article and Gojo would get whatever he wanted out of the deal too. 

“I think…” Ai began slowly, choosing her words carefully. “I think we can try, bu–”

“Really?” Gojo wore a surprised expression. 

“ But we need to be careful.” Ai continued. “No one can know about this, at least until the article is finished. And if things get too complicated, we stop.” 

Gojo’s eyes lit up, a genuine smile spreading across his face. “Deal,” he said, holding out his pinky finger to Ai. 

Ai raised a brow, but wrapped her pinky around his, sealing their agreement with a light shake. “Deal.” 

Gojo set down his pudding cup and leaned in closer to Ai. “I promise I’ll behave, Ai-chan.” 

Ai couldn’t help but laugh, feeling some of the tension from earlier fade away. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”  

With a small smile, Satoru pressed a soft kiss to Ai’s forehead. “Let’s finish cleaning up, okay? We can talk about this more later.” 

Ai nodded and went back to washing the dishes. She couldn’t help but feel like she was standing on the edge of catastrophe, but for some reason, she didn’t care so much. She glanced at Satoru as he stepped next to her to help with the dishes and tried to calm her beating heart. She could do this–at least that’s what she hoped. 

[silviakundera]

silvia's drama watching queue for 2024: a somewhat random assortment of stuff that was rec'd and for some reason feels it might scratch an itch

in progress - started & I swear I'm gonna finish

* Empresses in the Palace - I'M DOING IT BABYYYYY. 9 episodes down. Yes, the emperor looks like your grandpa and so far has the personality of stale toast. But as long as I don't imagine him naked (no, grandpa, no! it's time for your nap!) then it has this vibe of those Masterpiece Theatre productions I watched as a preteen and I already am recognizing tons of famous tropes (some elements of Job of Imperial Concubine already 3x funnier). Also I appreciate a horror story with a high body count and we have 3 victims already 👌

* Derailment - Modern cdrama that I know is great. I'm 3 ep in, just gotta be in the right mood

* Legend of Fei - Wuxia; got distracted halfway through last year but love the 2 lead actors. Not their best work but still.

* Fireworks of my Heart - what if china did a modern Persuasion adaption but he's a fireman and she's a nurse, basically. kinda. idk man, it has those same vibes for me. I like both lead actors (yes I'm on the YY Can Act Sometimes, When He Feels Like It defense squad. fight me). I'm like 1/3 of the way thru, need to be in that melancholy romantic wallow mood. But mmm I do love second chance + pining.

* Secret Romantic Guesthouse - a wild kdrama appears! Historical drama about saving your inn from debtors by finding a missing royal & turning him over to be murdered. you know, just girlboss things. 💁 Some mystery, some romance. I like the FL. Not much slapstick humor or people screaming at each other so far, which will make me tap out. 4 episodes in and it's quite watchable. I'll probably finish.

not started

* The Left Ear because why not? teens being realistically messy 👌

* Go Ahead - so this may sound strange but I've been holding back on this one a long time, until my work hours were less insane & I can focus. Universally beloved, one of the top cdramas. I'll sink my teeth into this Modern in 2024.

* The Blessed Girl cause it sounds like my jam

* Fake It Till You Make It - modern romance that I've seen rave reviews for. Pretty confident I'll love it.

* Gone with the Rain cause dangermousie's posts seduced me. Costume drama.

* West out of Yeman/Parallel World - multi-verse modern with a lil sci fi? I love multiverse and time travel \o/

* Wonderland of Love - historical romance with generals and some court intrigue, a happy ending. On paper, my kind of stuff. But will I make it thru 40 ep depends on how much I vibe with the otp

Maybe

Choice Husband (12 eps romantic comedy, then turns into blood and manipulation? sounds intriguing)

Moonlight - modern workplace drama, editor/author. Reviews are mixed but I have affection for how cdrama scriptwriters will obsessively research a topic in the style of an AO3 fic writer. I expect to learn more than I ever wanted to know about the toils of being an editor.

Marry My Husband - I don't watch many kdramas but I turn up for tropey reborn every time. If they deliver on the promise of a ridiculous but entertaining romance revenge then I'm there.

[fluffypotatey]

God, watched "Sins of the Father" last night and I. Just. Love. How the writers were like, "Ah, yes, let's finish out this episode with the most violent upheaval of Arthur's relationship with Uther. There is no need to mention this again."

Like, yeah, I get it, Merlin lied and stopped Arthur from killing King Cunt, but STILL. It happened. Arthur and Uther have had disagreements before, but those were small potatoes. Arthur challenged his father, the King, to a fight to the death. He was actively trying to kill his father. And that....had no effect on him? Or Uther?

Arthur doesn't always agree with Uther, and he does disobey him when he has to, but I don't think he ever would imagine himself capable of hurting his father, let alone killing him.

And Uther, being the manipulative, abusive piece of shit he is, was probably 100% certain Arthur would never turn on him, the same way any abusive parent is confident in their power over their victim.

But it happened.

And that's just........not important?

bestie.....are you sure you want to open that can of worms with me

------

NO BECAUSE LISTEN I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT THIS

imma holler @nextstopparis because they have bombass posts and meta about exactly this

anyway

yes bestie so true, we have seen in s1 and s2 that arthur is capable of having a little rebellious streak but not enough to truly slight his father because (despite his shitty and abusive uther is) arthur still loves him. arthur has craved uther's approval since day one. all he gets from uther is stunted shoulder pats and "you're my son" kind of affection. which, you know, explains SO MUCH about why arthur is emotionally constipated, compensates his emotions into hyper-masculinity, and a grade A jock.

we know arthur seeks uther's approval and just wants uther to be proud of him. motherfucker (uther) literally in episode 2 of s1 "stops by Arthur on his way to the stands and speaks to him in a low voice" about he "trust [Arthur] will make [him] proud" like bitch???? way to stress out your child.

tips on how to emotionally abuse/keep your child wanting you love

always makes sure you pressure them into making you proud

place conditions on your love (trust = love = pride for son = no longer disappointed = no longer sees arthur as the cause of ygraine's death oop did i type that)

move them away and speak in a low threatening voice because self image matters and your child would never risk that

undermine your child's worth to exterior factors, aka things your child never had a say in (being a captain/high ranking knight at 15, being the son of your dead wife, telling them to grow up when they literally are acting their age)

enforcing patriarcal ideals such as only encouraging stoicism for arthur because feelings are for weaklings and dismissing morgana's opinions for 'outbursts'

howdy folks! welcome to the uther sucks club and why the hell did bbc just ignore arthur's very understandable anger towards uther in s2 ep8

we will not touch arthur's self loathing blame for his mother's death because i will derail from this post

what happened in s2 ep8???? i'm so glad you asked

it is revealed that uther pendragon's reason for committing genocide for over 20 years boils down to a highly dangerous spell that he forced the high priestess nimueh to cast on his wife (who wasn't aware of the spell in the first place) so she could become pregnant and grant him an heir.

uther, the caricature of the british empire himself, caused the death of his queen then turned around and blamed a whole community of innocent people because "magic is evil and shouldn't be trusted" and "when you know one sorcerer, you know them all"

arthur, daddy issues galore, is understandably pissed and enraged. why, you ask? because for years he believed it was his birth that led to his mother's death

ARTHUR I'm so sorry. YGRAINE You have nothing to be sorry for. ARTHUR It was my birth that caused you to die.

ok so we are actually gonna discuss this

FOR 20 YEARS THIS MAN BELIEVED HIS FATHER'S GRIEF WAS HIS FAULT

AND YOU KNOW WHAT

UTHER NEVER CORRECTED HIM! UTHER NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO CONTRADICT ARTHUR'S INTERNAL STRUGGLE!

WHY YOU ASK????

BECAUSE THEN ARTHUR WOULD STAY LOYAL TO HIM, BECAUSE THEN ARTHUR WOULD DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO PROVE THAT HE COULD 'right this old wrong' EVEN THO IT WAS NEVER HIS FAULT!

ahem

and then arthur learns the truth. arthur learns that ygraine's death was never his fault. ygraine's death was all because uther pendragon "was so desperate for an heir". that was all uther cared about.

ARTHUR This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them.

ARTHUR How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?

ARTHUR You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

do you think....after arthur learned the truth, he remembered all of morgana's old arguments that went ignored by uther? he could hear her voice, filled with self-righteousness and selfless anger about how uther always placed the blame on others, projected fear and hatred to those who were innocent. do you wonder if arthur thought of morgana as he spewed those words to uther?

and then he is told that morgause lied to him. that the ygraine he saw was actually an illusion meant to divide camelot. arthur is told that the ygraine he saw who told him that holding him was "the most precious" moments of her life was nothing more than a lie.

so, what does mean for arthur? does that mean that it truly was his fault that ygraine died? does he go back to blaming himself?

or

is there still that doubt of his father's ruling that lays restless inside of him? does he watch his father more closely and how he reacts to magic crimes compared to non-magical? does he begin to confide in morgana more because she, too, understand this kind of anger he feels nestled inside of him?

but we don't get that

what we get after this is a week or maybe more of a time skip where gwen is kidnapped and the show tries to further the arwencelot love triangle (and i mean, i'm not against the love triangle, it's just...timing my dude)

it just goes ignored by the show like it wasn't a big deal that arthur was ready to commit regicide (unlike morgana), like it wasn't a big deal that merlin lied to arthur like that and didn't feel conflicted, like it wasn't a big deal that uther's Purge began because of misplaced anger.

no, instead, arthur is back as his snarky and uptight self who never again thinks back to what happened when some big plot is heading his way. and so the show never dives back into that. mentions of arthur's mother don't come back until s4 but that's with agravaine and i do not have the time for that man.

this episode really seemed like it was supposed to lead to a shift in arthur's character, and yet it didn't. it was just...never touched on again and i will never forgive them for that

[wastingoxygensince1983]

I think one of the most frustrating things about all of this mess these two lesbian disasters got into is that it kinda fits?

Like I am not saying is not bad but it works within the narrative the show is telling us.

These two had become so derailed about the dream world that is the only place where they can be free and be open about their own feelings for each other. And not just randomly fuck but being emotional open.

Dawan mentioned the first time she openly spoke about the dream world. That even after she had a fight with Kim in reality they would solve it in dream world and that's it.

Even if the dreams are an actual thing were they are connected; there's not way that something like that is not gonna hurt their communication.

And for whatever reason they did it; the relay 100% on these magical place.

So it would be impossible for them to communicate properly in the real world.

There's also the point that Dawan feels like she can't tell Kim about her feelings until Kim's situation is a little better; so she tries to give the support that she can as a friend and waits for thing to be better to probably open the can of worms that are her feelings for Kim.

And Kim is unable to speak her mind to anyone. She didn't break up with Mawin and instead she just quit her job. She hasn't tell her mom about her feelings for Wan so her mom probably doesn't see Dawan as a proper option for her daughter(I am very curious if they are gonna go for the very obvious option plot of Kim's mom demanding that Dawan is Kim's made of honor for the wedding; I mean from her perspective Dawan is Kim's best friend why would she not do it) and she made the decision to marry this soggy man without announcing this to any of her friends neither Dawan.

So at the end, how Dawan can answered? she is cornered and has the situation that she goes for what she really wants; would be directly against what Kim's mom wants; which it goes against what Dawan set herself into. Protecting and helping Kim to be happy with her family situation.

Is just a mess that obviously would be solved if these two talked about their real feelings a while ago.

Pam was right, there was a time and it seems that Wan really missed it.

[themattress]

Clips from the videos I recently linked to.

Out of all the main characters, Nomura and Oka's writing in Kingdom Hearts III (and the preceding Dream Drop Distance + 0.2 Birth by Sleep for that matter) significantly derailed five of them, four of whom the video above discusses and the other whom I'll bring up myself.

Axel then: A deeply selfish guy whose pursuit of his own agenda above all else puts him into conflict with others, even his own friends. Has a fiery (heh) side but is usually cool and collected, with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor, and is very smart and calculating.

Axel now: Honestly still selfish but in a bratty petulant way rather than a mature interesting way, and the narrative pretends like this isn't the case and portrays him as this great guy and wonderful friend. He's also hot-headed dumbass whose style of humor is more "wacky", based in catchphrases and self-aware jokes. Yes, I'm aware he has a heart now, but that explaining the difference doesn't work when the series is now claiming he had a heart all along as a Nobody anyway! If Lea's gonna call himself "Axel", he oughta resemble him more!

Kairi then: Spunky and sassy. Prone to reckless actions due to following her heart without thinking. Will fight to the teeth against any enemy trying to chain her down and will always use her agency every chance she gets, even if it's simply sending a letter. While she obviously loves Sora, she cares deeply for others too and does all she can to help them.

Kairi now: Meek and polite, a "Yamato nadeshiko" type. Frantic and self-doubting, to the point of freezing up in combat. Greatest contribution is "believing really hard" rather than doing anything, and who will write a flowery love letter for the sake of it but never send it. Her care for others is de-emphasized in favor of her love for Sora, even though he barely if ever thinks or talks about her when she isn't right in front of him, making her look pathetic.

Riku then: Starts out as a rude, arrogant jerk who uses darkness and falls prey to it, ends up a still rude but humbled and considerate guy who overcomes his darkness and turns it into a unique power of twilight. At peace with following his heart more ("which is Sora-esque").

Riku now: Totally polite, nigh-infallible hero who just uses plain darkness, not twilight, without consequence. Acts like a dull stick in the mud who barely shows emotion from the heart.

Sora then: Just a regular kid/teenager. Could be kind of a dumbass but not to the point of chronic idiocy that's always being made fun of. Reacted proportionately to events around him and was prone to bouts of depression that he covers up with his usual cheerful attitude.

Sora now: More childish than he should be at his age. Stereotypical shonen Idiot Hero, to the point of everyone making fun of him for it. Reacts over-the-top and excited to everything, is seldom if ever depressed about anything short of people dying. "Weak" yet OP all at once.

Ansem, Seeker of Darkness then: Profoundly arrogant in order to cover for his insecurities. Feels as though everything he does is justified. Cares for no-one but himself + darkness.

Ansem, Seeker of Darkness now: Will openly admit to his insecurities and stow his pride. Knows and acknowledges what he does as evil. Apparently cares for "Subject X", and Riku to a degree, plus chides Ansem the Wise for his cold treatment of others. Seems on board with Xehanort's plan which evidently is meant to safeguard the worlds against darkness.

[illarian-rambling]

🐹 for the OC ask game?

Confession: I've never played a Pokémon game in my life. I just had the cards as a kid cause I thought the art looked pretty, so I'm not really sure how to answer this one.

In lieu of that, I'm gonna answer about a game I know way too much about: dnd!

🎲 If your OC played a pen and paper RPG, what class would they pick? Warrior, mage, thief, ranger, cleric, paladin, druid, necromancer, bard (or other, if that’s not enough).

Izjik would be a gloomstalker ranger with a 3 level dip into battlemaster fighter to help facilitate that melee build. She'd have good strength, dex, and con, but abysmal everything else. Her maneuvers would be tripping attack, goading attack, and ambush.

Sepo would be a swashbuckler rogue with expertise in stealth and intimidation. His charisma would be high just for that intimidation, and his panache ability would just be him giving people a death glare. He'd duel wield daggers.

Twenari - despite being in Illari terms, a sorcerer who gets magic from her blood - acts much more like a wizard in the practical sense. She'd be an evocation wizard with the warcaster feat. Later on, she'd probably take a dip into artificer.

Djek would be a thief rogue/shadow sorcerer multiclass with high dex and charisma, but low strength and con. I thought about making him an arcane trickster, but he does damage with his magic that would fit closer to a sorcerer. He'd definitely be higher into rogue than sorcerer.

Astra would be an artillerist artificer, despite fighting like a full caster, rather than a hald caster. The arcane cannon ability could be reflavored as her ribbon coat, while her infusions are all the gadgets she makes. She'd probably take the skilled feat.

Mashal is pure battlemaster fighter. He has high strength and con, but utterly terrible wisdom. His maneuvers would be bait and switch, disarming attack, and riposte. He'd also have the mage slayer feat.

Ivander would have one level of celestial warlock for flavor, then the rest would be in inquisitive rogue, as he doesn't really use magic all that much, but he is one hell of a detective. He'd abuse tf out of steady aim and probably take the gunner feat.

Elsind's main battle strength is being slippery and they fight without weapons, so I guess that makes them a monk? I'd say way of long death monk because they're pretty tanky, but he's too nervous to do much fighting.

Avymere, as much as I love making fighters, fits way too well to be anything but an oath of devotion paladin, even if they have no divine magic in the actual story. I feel like they'd have the sentinel feat as well.

Thanks for the question, and forgive me for derailing it, I just love talking about dnd :)

[katara-stan-club]

Talking over the Ventress episode with my mom has (I think) solidified that as much as I liked Ventress and love the fight sequence, it really felt like the middle of the season got derailed just to have Ventress show up and maybe tease a Ventress show? Whether it be how she survived as part of Tales of the Jedi s2 or in a new spinoff show about The Path or something, this appearance didn’t feel natural for TBB to us. Granted, maybe by the end of the season we’ll feel differently and be eating humble pie, but that’s where we stand right now.

More rambling under the cut, you have been warned.

Like it really feels that they specifically had Rex not know what an M-count is just so Ventress could show up and say it, which feels a little :/ come on now. Between Rex possibly having contact with Ahsoka and being the Captain under Anakin “The Chosen One” Skywalker, it feels very odd to have him NOT know what the hell M-count could be.

It’s also frustrating from a narrative perspective to have 2 episodes dedicated to the gang finding out what M-count means, when we the audience have known what it meant since it was first mentioned! I would’ve been fine with Fennec saying at the end of last episode something like “All I know is M-count is something to do with the Jedi, so good luck with whatever you need that info for cause the Empire will never let it go”, and then the Ventress episode could have instead been “well is it safer to stay on Pabu and hope the Empire doesn’t know where we are, or are we endangering all these people’s lives by being here? Can we ever have a stable place to live, or should we constantly be on the run from the Empire, thus painting a bigger target on us by giving us more opportunities to run into them?” But by having both episodes be “what could M-count mean for Omega?” and basically tell us what we already know: they are never gonna be safe from the Empire because they will never stop looking for Omega, it feels like a lot of ground was lost that could have been dedicated to other things, like letting Omega interact with characters other than Crosshair.

Also it’s such a weird episode cause they kinda had to avoid the whole Ventress died thing because that would bog down the episode by confusing people who hadn’t read The Dark Disciple, but it leaves people who know about it hanging with how the hell it happened?? Like there’s that one line about many lives but it doesn’t really answer anything, which is whatever but at the same time super frustrating cause it feels like such an unnecessary can of worms to open? Especially in the last half of the last season of a show that’s already got A Lot going on.

I do wonder how different I would’ve felt about this episode if it had been Quinlan instead of Ventress, because A) he’s not dead and B) we already know he’s got Stuff he’s doing (The Path) so it’s not unreasonable to see hints of it early on in the reign of the Empire. Also having another character of color come back would’ve been nice, since we STILL haven’t actually seen Phee outside of one singular holocall this season, let alone any sighting of Shep and Lyana.