stupid in love - psh (m)
this work contains smut - minors please do not interact
pairing. best friend!sunghoon x fem!reader
synopsis. One night early on in your summer vacation, your best friend Sunghoon admits that his biggest anxiety about starting college is going there as a virgin - one thing leads to another, and you end up learning a few things from each other. The more time passes, the more obvious it becomes that your feelings for each other surpass friendship, but with the end of summer looming over your heads, it's hard to tell where these newfound emotions will lead you.
genre. best friends/childhood friends 2 lovers, summer au, lots of fluff and smut but also some angst to spice things up, when i say smut i mean LOTS of smut. like mostly smut lol (mutual first time, ice play, crazy stuff)
word count. 22.1k
a/n. bringing this one back from the pits of my google docs guys.. its been so long since i've posted anything and im not sure when the new hoon fic will be ready so i thought i'd repost an og asahicore fic!!! the title was originally 'hot like ice' but i changed it bc this is my blog and i do what i want <3 i'd also like to say that in terms of plot this is probably not something i would write nowadays, it's very smut-heavy and thats not what im about now idk i was crazy back then... but i rmb being happy w this fic and its reception when i first posted it so i'm happy to have it back on my blog and hope u guys will like it too <3 as always lmk what u think!!
It all started with a lollipop. Well, two, to be exact. One strawberry-flavored, one apple-flavored.ย
You stand in front of your friend, lollipops in hand. โWhich one do you want, Hoon?โย
โI donโt mind, just pick whichever one you like best,โ he replies absent-mindedly, eyes on the TV as he tries to find a suitable movie for this late summer afternoon.
You plop down on the couch next to him and look at the two lollipops in your hands, unable to decide which flavor you like better. โI donโt know what I feel like right now,โ you announce to an uninterested Sunghoon. โIโll just try both.โ
That seems to catch your best friendโs attention. He watches as you unwrap both candies, tasting each once, twice, then as you decide you want the apple-flavored lollipop and hand him the strawberry-flavored one. He doesnโt take his eyes off of your lips as you wrap them and swirl your tongue around the candy, letting its sweetness wash over your taste buds. You raise your eyebrows when you notice his staring and he blinks a couple times, trying to snap himself out of it. โDid you want the other one?โ you ask, confused by his behavior.
โN-no, I like strawberry,โ he stammers, turning his gaze back to the screen in front of you and settling for โWhen Harry Met Sally,โ a movie youโve both seen a thousand times but never get bored of.
Youโre used to Sunghoon getting lost in his thoughts, so you donโt question it much. You sit back on the couch, your knee touching his. You two are no strangers to a little skinship - after being friends for almost eight years, physical contact comes naturally. You have to admit that recently, itโs started to feel different; but the idea of your friendship changing tugs at your heartstrings so much that you ignore the prickles on your skin when he hugs you or the way your stomach flips when he smiles at you, dimples and sharp canines on display. You tell yourself itโs all stupid and that you can handle so much as your knees touching.
Sunghoon, on the other hand, can't. The lollipop in his mouth right now was in yours mere moments ago and youโd given it to him like sharing saliva was no big deal. He feels like a thirteen year-old for thinking like this, but this was pretty much an indirect kiss.
He stares at the TV screen, but all he can see are your perfect lips sucking that lollipop, and his mind is desperately not trying to go there, but he just cannot help himself. Blood rushes to his dick as he pictures your mouth around him, sucking him off with as much enthusiasm as you are the lollipop. Would you like his taste? Would you look up at him with those pretty eyes of yours, smiling even with his dick stuffed in your mouth?
His own thoughts catch him off guard, and before they can get any wilder, he runs off to the bathroom, knowing heโd never live it down if you caught a glimpse of his erection. Thankfully, you donโt, and you call after him, asking if he wants you to pause the movie, to which he shouts back a strangled โno.โ
He comes back ten minutes later, face flushed and breath heavy. โGoddamn, Hoon, I know weโre best friends, but if youโre going to dump a massive load, I wished you did it in your own bathroom and not mine,โ you tease him, laughing as his face gets even redder and he opens his mouth to protest.
โI was just on my phone!โ he replies, mildly offended.
โWhatever,โ you say, still laughing, and turn your attention back to the movie.
Well. Sunghoon would rather have you think he just took a huge shit than have you know he came to the idea of you sucking him off and swallowing every last drop of his cum.ย
--
A few days later, you and Sunghoon are lying on his bed, the both of you on your backs, talking about this and that as you often do. Itโs almost 3 a.m., and it feels almost rebellious, being up this late after months of waking up at 6, but your high school graduation was a week ago and you feel like you can do anything. The dim fairy lights you forced him to put up and the bright moon outside are the only sources of light in the room, and when you turn to look at him, you can just make out the outline of his face, the curve of his nose, the sharpness of his jaw. You've looked at him a thousand times before, so your memory makes up for what the light takes away from your eyes. You shift to lying on your stomach, propping yourself up on your elbows so you can take a better look at your friend. Something about the moonlight makes him look ethereal, and his beauty makes your heart skip a beat, but youโd never admit that to him. Out of habit, you reach out to touch his moles, gently placing your middle finger on his nose and your pointer finger on his cheek. Sunghoon closes his eyes at your touch, used to the warm feeling that settles in his stomach whenever you do that.
โY/N?โ he calls out, just as you pull your fingers away from his moles.
โYeah?โ
He opens his eyes again, meeting yours. โIs there anything youโre scared of for next year? You know, heading off to college and all that?โ You shift again and lie on your back, the sides of your two bodies touching. You stare at the ceiling for a while, thinking about his question, and Sunghoon patiently waits for your answer.
โIโm scared about not making friends. Iโm not the least outgoing person ever, but itโs so intimidating, not knowing anyone. And itโll be weird not having you around. Shut up,โ you warn before he can make an egotistical remark, so he just chuckles. โIโm also worried about the amount of work Iโll have. Iโve heard so many times that itโs a huge step-up from high school, the workload and the type of work and all that. What if I donโt even like the degree that I chose? I know I can change it, but it still stresses me out. Turning 18 doesnโt feel like a huge deal, but going to college does. Itโs when all the responsibility hits. My mom told me to make my own doctorโs appointment the other day, and I almost cried when I had to call them. Iโm not gonna have anyone to do my groceries for me. Iโm scared I might get an awful roommate. I hate the idea of communal showers. I donโt even know what I want to do after college, and I know I have four years to make up my mind, but Iโm scared those four years are gonna flash by and Iโll be indebted and unemployed by the end of it.โ You pause to take a breath, and you can feel Sunghoonโs eyes on the sides of your face, but he doesnโt say anything. โAlso, I heard that you put on a lot of weight during your freshman year.โ
You turn to look at him to find him smiling at you. โWow. Thatโs a lot.โ
The two of you giggle, eyes not leaving the otherโs. After a moment, you turn your gaze back to the ceiling and sigh. โYeah, I know. But Iโm more excited than I am scared. What about you?โ
Sunghoon follows your gaze and looks up above him. He doesnโt say anything for a while, and when he finally speaks up, he says it so quietly, you almost donโt hear it. โIโm scared of going to college a virgin.โ
You try to stay serious for a few seconds, but you canโt keep your laughter in and snort loudly at your friendโs words, laughing so hard your stomach starts to hurt.
โDonโt make fun of me!โ he whines, hands coming up to cover his face.
It takes you a while to calm down; not only was Sunghoonโs statement ridiculous, it was so unexpected that you couldnโt stop laughing. โIโm sorry, Iโm sorry,โ you apologize, catching your breath. โI just canโt believe that thatโs what youโre scared of, of all things.โ
โWhat? Itโs a perfectly reasonable concern,โ he defends himself.
โNobodyโs gonna care if youโre a virgin, Hoon,โ you try to reason with him, but if there is one thing your best friend is, itโs stubborn.
โIโm gonna care! What if I like a girl but I canโt bring myself to make a move on her โcause I have no experience?โ
โBut Hoon, chances are she doesnโt have a lot more experience than you do! Sheโll be the same age we are, dummy. Weโre not sixteen year-olds jumping into a world of twenty year-olds. Sure, some people have their first time in high school, but a lot do it at university. Youโll be fine,โ you reassure. His furrowed eyebrows and pout tell you heโs not fully convinced, though.
โOh, cโmon! If you really want to lose your virginity before leaving, we can get you laid during the summer. Iโm sure we can find a girl nice enough,โ you tease, jokingly patting his bicep, trying not to make a note of how firm the skin feels under your hand.
Sunghoon sighs, and you can tell heโs actually taking this seriously. โIโm not that desperate that Iโd have sex with the first girl that agrees, you know. Iโd still rather do it with someoneโฆโ He glances at you for just a second. โSomeone I trust.โ
You feel your face heat up at the possible meaning behind his words, so you look away, not wanting him to see the effect they had on you. He changes his position on the bed, and now itโs his turn to prop himself up on his elbows and look down at you.
โWhat about you, Y/N? Donโt you think itโd be good to get a bit of experience before going off to college? Itโll be one less thing to stress about,โ he says, a small smirk playing on his lips, and his shy demeanor from moments prior is completely gone. Out of fear that his ego would get even bigger, you'd never tell him, but you love it when he gets like that - when he thinks heโs the shit and teases you mercilessly. You know he does it lightheartedly, and it never fails to bring a smile to your face.
Except right now it does. Youโre not smiling, far from it; youโre looking up at your best friend, mouth slightly agape and wide eyes searching for a sign that he may be just joking. He raises an eyebrow expectantly, and your reaction is to scoff at him.ย
โDo I need to remind you that you๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝre the reason I have no experience to begin with, Park Sunghoon?โ you ask, sitting up on the bed to peer down at him. He shifts again and lays on his back, his hands coming up behind his head as he beams at you.
โAm I really?โ
You wish you could slap that shit-eating grin off of his face. This is not the first time you're having this conversation. โYes, Hoon. Every time a guy was even remotely interested in me, you chased them away. Iโm still not over you telling Kang Taehyun I have smelly feet! I had a huge crush on that guy!โ
Sunghoon loudly laughs at the memory, and you curse yourself for cracking a smile when you see his face scrunched in laughter. โThat was in Year 5, Y/N! Itโs been years!โ
You grab a pillow and throw it at his head, unable to not laugh along with him. โWhat about Bang Yedam, then? That was only last year, and you totally ruined my chances with him!โ
โListen, if you having a creepy doll collection is enough to make him not ask you out, then he must not have liked you that much.โ
โBut I donโt have a creepy doll collection! Thatโs the whole point!โ you say, on the brink of desperation. You sigh at your friend whoโs still catching his breath from laughing so much. โYouโre just lucky they didnโt repeat your bullshit to anyone. I wouldโve had such a weird reputation otherwise.โ
โOf course they didnโt. I told them Iโd kill them if they did,โ he stated matter-of-factly, as if that was a normal and appropriate thing to do.
โCouldnโt you have threatened them that way so they wouldnโt ask me out instead of lying to them about me?โ
Sunghoon stares at you for a few seconds, eyes seemingly empty of thought. โHuh. Yeah, I guess I couldโve done that.โ
โUgh,โ you groan, and plop down on the bed next to him. Neither of you says anything for some time, until you break the silence again. โYou know you even stole my first kiss, Hoon,โ you speak softly.
โI know,โ he says, voice just as quiet as yours. โYou never shut up about it.โ
โWhy would I? I was about to kiss Lee Heeseung, of all people, the boy everybody, including me, had a crush on, but no, someone had to get between us and kiss me in his stead,โ you grumble, giving your friend a harsh side-eye.
Sunghoon sighs and shakes his head as if youโre being irrational. โI donโt get why youโre so hung-up on that. Why would you want your first kiss to be because of a middle-school party dare rather than have it with your best friend, whom you know and trust?โ
โIt was Lee Heeseung, for Godโs sake!โ
โAnd Iโm Park Sunghoon!โ
Still both laying on your backs, you turn your heads to look at each other. Thereโs something in his eyes youโve never seen before that you canโt quite put your finger on. The person in front of you is one youโve known for years now and yet the look in his eyes is of such unfamiliar intensity that it makes your stomach flip. You inhale sharply when his eyes drift down to your lips, and you canโt help but mirror his actions. The atmosphere has flipped like a light switch; it was playful just mere seconds ago, the sound of your usual banter filling up the room. All of a sudden, thereโs something heavy dancing in the air around you, and it makes your heart skip a bit faster and your breath a bit shallower.
Your voice is barely above a whisper when you say his name.
โYeah?โ His eyes snap back up to yours, but you're still stuck on his lips. Have they always looked so kissable?
โWhy did you do that? Why did you push those boys away from me?โ you ask, even though youโve asked this question a thousand times before. You want to hear his answer again.
โIโve already told you. You deserved better than them.โ Whenever you ask him about it, Sunghoon always stops here, and you never push. But there are unspoken words left hanging that youโre dying to hear.
โWho, then? Whoโd be better than them?โ
He's quiet for a second. โItโs a secret,โ he whispers finally, a small smirk teasing his lips, and you roll your eyes at him. But then your eyes meet again and your breath hitches. You shift to your side so you can face him more fully, and he mirrors your actions.ย
Itโs his turn to say your name. โY/N?โ
โYeah?โ
โHave you kissed anyone since?โ he asks, coming off shyer than heโd intended to.
You giggle and smack his shoulder lightly. โWhy do you wanna know?โ
He snickers too and, to your surprise, stops your fist from hitting him a second time, enveloping his larger hand around yours and laying it between the two of you on the bed. โCause I should know that sorta thing. Also, if you did kiss someone since then, and I didnโt know about it, I'd be upset.โ
โWhy would you be mad?โ you say, still giggling, trying to ignore the way your heartbeat quickens when he threads your fingers with his.
โBecause you wouldnโt have told me!โ
โWellโฆโ
โNo way, Y/N,โ he practically shouts, already feeling betrayed, his free hand coming up to grip his heart in fake shock.
โLet me at least finish first,โ you protest. He obliges, although he doesn't look very happy about it. โYou know that summer 2 years ago I went away to camp?โ
โYeah, worst summer ever.โ
โWell, I did sort ofโฆ get with someone, that summer,โ you say, avoiding Sunghoonโs wide eyes as he gasps loudly.
โWhat? Who with? How come you didn't tell me?โ he exclaims, letting go of your hand. He sits up on the bed and crosses his arms over his chest like an annoyed child.ย
โBecause of this exactly.โ
โWhatโs this?โ
โYour reaction right now!โ you say, sitting up as well, both of your knees grazing his. The simple touch sends a shiver down your spine that you can only hope he takes no notice of.
โWouldnโt you be a bit upset if I told you I โgot withโ,โ he air-quotes, โa random girl two years ago?โ
โNo? Especially not if it was two years ago?โ
You both look just as confused as the other, obviously not on the same wavelength. He furrows his eyebrows and glares at you. โWell, I am.โ
You throw your head back in laughter and place your hands on his knees, but when you come forward again, you overestimate the distance between the both of you and find yourself mere inches from his face. The laughter immediately dies in your throat, and you feel it go dry when your stunned reaction elicits a smirk from him. You donโt know how long you stare into his eyes, all you know is you snap out of it when his gaze drifts down to your lips once more. Youโre closer now than you were before, and having him so close makes your mind spin with all the possible outcomes of such proximity. You lean back on the bed, pulling away your hands from his knees to hold yourself up on them.
โThereโs no reason to,โ you say, hoping that breaking the silence will dissipate some of the tension in the air. You keep going back and forth between familiar and dangerous and you donโt know how long youโll be able to handle that atmosphere. โItโs not like anything grand happened. We made out a bit and held hands. We never spoke after that summer, otherwise youโd have known about it.โย
Sunghoon lets out a low hum. His eyes are still trained on yours, and you wished heโd look away because you canโt seem to do it yourself. He still doesnโt say anything, so you speak up again. โYou say that like youโve never had girlfriends, by the way. Surely youโve done more than just kissing.โ Silence again, and you canโt decipher the look heโs giving you. โSo, I donโt know what youโre so scared about, because itโs not like you have zero experience. Iโm sure the girls at uni will love you, Hoon.โ
He sighs and finally tears his eyes away from yours, and youโre not sure if youโre seeing things because of how dark and late it is or if thereโs an actual blush creeping on his cheeks. โSure, Iโve had a couple girlfriends, but you know theyโve never lasted long,โ he says, looking down at his lap. โWe made outโฆ I guess I-โ he gives you a quick glance, โIโve touched their boobs and theyโve touched myโฆ you knowโฆโ
You canโt help but giggle at how shy your friend is suddenly being. โCanโt even say the word โpenisโ, Hoon?,โ you tease, and his eyes snap back up at yours.
โOf course I can. Penis! There.โ You look at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter, Sunghoon hushing you so you donโt wake up his parents, but his hushes are louder than your laugh. After a couple minutes, you calm down and wipe your tears away, grateful for the break in the tension between you and Sunghoon.
โAnyway, yeah, I guess I donโt have that much experience. Which is why I brought it up in the first place.โ And just as quickly as itโd left, the tension is back again.
You look around the room because the weight of Sunghoonโs gaze on your face is unbearable. You release a shaky breath when you feel his gentle hand on your knee, and your eyes drift to it, but you canโt get yourself to look him straight in the eyes.ย
โDonโt you think itโd be good to get experience before leaving for college, Y/N?โ he asks, and you can tell heโs trying to sound confident, but his voice comes out breathier and shakier than he must intend it to.
โI donโt knowโฆ I donโt think itโs necessary,โ you say, eyes still trained on his hand resting on your knee. He squeezes it a bit, making you finally look up at him. Is it just you, or did the room get hotter all of a sudden?
โNot everything you do has to be out of necessity, you know.โ
The both of you stare at each other for a few moments. This shift in your relationship was bound to happen; youโd been feeling it more and more recently. You didnโt use to think twice about Sunghoon taking your hand in his, nor did you feel those stupid butterflies eating away at your stomach every time his gaze lingered for a second too long. Youโd tried to reason with yourself that it was just teenage hormones doing their stupid job, and that you were doomed to feel some kind of attraction for your extremely handsome best friend at some point in your life, but that if you ignored it hard and long enough it would go away.
Well, now that Sunghoonโs lips are barely inches away from yours and your skin is on fire under his hand, it definitely isnโt going away.
โWhat would you do if I kissed you?โ Sunghoon asks, eyes fluttering down to your lips. You think heโs looked at your lips more than the rest of your face in the past hour.
โIโd slap you,โ you lie, gaze mirroring his.
โWould you really?โ he says, and your hesitation makes him smirk slightly.
โNo,โ you breathe out, and itโs the answer heโs been waiting for, the answer he needs to finally press his soft lips against yours.ย
You donโt even have the time to savor the moment, though, because the warmth of his lips is gone as quickly as it came. He pulls back, a surprised look in his eyes, as if he canโt believe what he just did. The tension above you breaks and rains down on you like small pieces of confetti that settle comfortably on your head and shoulders. Thereโs a knot in your stomach but instead of twisting your insides in nervousness, it feels warm and makes you giddy for whatโs to come next. Sunghoonโs surprised expression transforms into a grin at the sound of your laughter, and he canโt help but chuckle along with you.
You scooch closer to him, and his other hand comes to rest on your second knee. You can tell heโs not going to do much more, so you lean in bit by bit, and peck him softly on the lips. You both giggle again and you blame the fact that you want to feel his lips on yours again on the late hour of the night. You peck his lips once, twice more, giggling inbetween, but when you peck them a third time, he doesnโt let you pull away and keeps his lips on yours. The sudden added strength takes you aback, but it doesnโt take you long to yield to his touch and kiss him back.ย
Sunghoon moves his lips slowly against yours and itโs surprisingly easy to fall into his rhythm. You donโt have the most experience with kissing, but something about doing it with your best friend reassures you and your whole body relaxes as you focus on the feeling of his lips moving in cadence with yours. The knot in your stomach stays there and tightens when his hands ride up your thighs and settle on your hips, holding you snugly there. Youโre only wearing shorts and his palms against your bare skin make you release a shaky breath in Sunghoonโs mouth. You pull back for a bit, surprised at your own reaction, but nothing has prepared you for the way your best friend looks at you.
His pupils are dilated, dark; his glossed-over eyes bore right into yours. Your breath was already shallow from the kiss, but itโs his gaze that renders you completely breathless. Sunghoon tightens his grip on your hips and leans in for more, but you put a hand on his chest to stop him, making his eyes snap back into focus.
โOh my God, Iโm so sorry, Y/N. I donโt know what took over me. Are you okay?โ he asks, as short of breath as you are, but worry laced in his voice.
โNo- Yes- I mean, yes, Iโm fine, everythingโs fine, I just-โ you shake your head, trying to gather your thoughts. โIโm justโฆโ
โTell me. You can tell me,โ he says, rubbing gentle circles into your hips with his thumb, and the unfamiliar yet intimate gesture makes it even harder to concentrate.ย
โWe- weโre best friends, right?โ you ask, voice trembling, You ask, even though you know the answer, just because youโre afraid the line the two of you have just crossed is already miles behind you, and you wonโt be able to retrace your steps.
โYeah, of course we are,โ Sunghoon reassures, head tilting to the side in confusion.ย
โAnd best friendsโฆ Do theyโฆ Well, itโs normal for best friends to kiss, right?โ you say, trying to calm the overpowering urge to kiss him again.
Sunghoon chuckles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. โI donโt know about that, Y/N.โ
โOh,โ you breathe.
Sunghoon quickly catches on to your hesitation. โBut who cares about what best friends usually do and donโt do?โ he says, holding your face between his hands to make you look up at him. โI liked kissing you, just now. I really, really liked it,โ he admits, red dusting his cheeks. โDid you?โ
You nod, too shy to put just how much you enjoyed kissing Sunghoon into words. โDo you want to do it again?โ he asks and chuckles when you nod again, eyes already on his lips. This time, you donโt stop him when he leans in and let him press his lips to yours again. His words have reassured you and you sigh into his mouth, making him smile into the kiss.ย
His hands ride up a bit and settle on your waist, bringing you a bit closer to him, and you circle your arms around his neck. The shyness of the first kiss is completely gone, and youโre both gaining more and more confidence, letting everything go and focusing solely on where your bodies meet. He tilts his head, deepening the kiss, and you push your body onto his, a sudden need to feel him against you, to feel his strong arms encaging you.ย
You pull away at the same time to catch your breaths, smiling at each other when you see how lustful the otherโs expression is. Sunghoonโs eyes have glossed over once more, and youโre sure yours have too. โCโmere,โ he whispers, beckoning you to him. You climb onto his lap, one knee on each side of his hips. โIs this okay?โ he asks, but you donโt answer, you just lean in and kiss him again, holding his face in your hand as his hands roam your back over the thin fabric of your t-shirt. Your kisses are curious, the both of you trying to figure out what feels best as you tilt your heads from one side to the other and let your inquisitive hands travel each otherโs bodies. Yours find purchase in his hair, and you revel in the sighs that escape his lips whenever you pull and tug at the strands.ย
As the kiss gets hungrier and needier, his hands fall down to your lower back, and then to your ass. He just cups it for a while, but after a few moments, grabs it harder and brings you close to him, making your core rub againstย the hardness that had been building in his sweatpants for a while now. The friction is unexpected and you canโt help the loud moan leaving your lips at the feeling. Itโs a feeling you know from your own hand in the privacy of your dark room, but Sunghoon making you feel that way is so foreign that it snaps you out of the daze youโre in.ย
โIโm sorry, Iโm sorry, was that too much?โ Sunghoon scrambles for words, but youโre already pulling away, and he doesnโt know what to do to keep you close.
You sit back on the bed, holding your knees close to your chest. You look at your best friend in front of you whoโs looking at you with a worried expression. Something in you craves to reach a hand out to him, to feel his cheeks and jawline under your palms again, to find out if heโd shiver at your touch and if goosebumps would form on his skin. Heโs been your best friend for eight years, and youโve always thought you knew everything about him, the same way heโs supposed to know everything about you. But you realize in this moment that there are things you donโt yet know, melodies to be discovered, treasures to be unearthed. Your fingertips are burning to find them all.ย
The sound of your name resonates inside your mind and it takes you everything not to fall back on him again. You furrow your eyebrows, confused by all those things youโre feeling. What was it that just took over you, that lit your insides up so?
You straighten your back suddenly and take in your surroundings. Sunghoonโs room is still the same old room youโve always known, the same blue walls, the same posters he only ever changes when he finds a new interest and lets go of an old one. The same pictures from when you were 10, 12, 15, recent ones now that youโre 18; the same figure skating trophies and medals on his shelves. You turn to look at your best friend. The same soft, round cheeks contrasted by a sharp jaw; the same almond eyes, round with worry at your sudden movement away from him; the same two moles youโve always found so comforting, for some reason. You almost reach out to touch them, to give you some sense of balance, to reassure you that things arenโt changing as much as it feels like they are. But youโre scared electricity might fry your fingers if you touch him right now. Youโre scared you wonโt be able to take your fingers off of him, no matter how much it stings. His face is the same as always before, but thereโs something else to it, something you could probably figure out if you spent more than three seconds thinking about it, but youโre not sure you want to figure it out.
โIs everything okay? Did- Did I do something wrong?โ he asks, voice laced with concern.ย
Before he can put a reassuring hand on your knee, you get off of the bed, and hurriedly say, โNo. I just- I think I should go home.โ You look everywhere but at him.
He sits up at your words, concern turned into confusion. โItโs 3 a.m., Y/N, why do you want to go home all of a sudden? Youโve stayed over plenty of times before.โ
โI know, I justโฆโ you trail off, trying to come up with an excuse. โIโve got cramps. I think my periodโs coming,โ you lie. Itโs better than whatever truth is threatening to bubble up.
โOh. Right.โ He scooches a bit, sitting on the edge of his bed. โIs there anything- like- can I do anything?โ He sighs, steadies himself. โYou donโt have to go, is what Iโm trying to say.โ
A few months ago, when you had finally wrapped your head around the fact that your best friend was an attractive man and that he made you feel things friends werenโt supposed to make you feel, youโd told yourself it was all just a phase that would pass soon. But feelings this strong surely cannot go away that easily.
You take a deep breath in and tear your eyes away from him. โI think I should go home,โ you repeat. โIโll see you tomorrow, Hoon.โ
You turn around and start walking away, but Sunghoon is quick on his feet and stops you from going out the door. โDo you actually have cramps? Or are you just scared that our friendship might change?โ He sounds out of breath, like asking this question is taking him all of his energy.
You avert his gaze and try to push past him, but heโs much stronger than you. Puberty sure played its trick on him. You sigh and look down at your feet. โIโm tired, Hoon, letโs talk about it tomorrow.โ
But if there is one thing your best friend is, itโs stubborn. โI donโt wanna talk about it tomorrow. I wanna talk about it now. Did it feel nice?โ he asks, and his resolute tone of voice makes you look up at him.
โI- I mean-โ
โY/N,โ he starts, wrapping his arms around you and leaning in a bit, his familiar scent filling your nostrils. You have to close your eyes. โAnswer me. Did it feel good?โ
โYes,โ you answer without thinking.ย
โIs that why youโre scared?โ
โYes.โ Your eyes flutter open when you feel his fingers graze your cheek. He leans in again and traps your kiss in a much softer and intimate kiss that makes your head spin and your thoughts cloud. Before you can get carried away, you pull away again, and ignore how beautiful he looks when his eyes stay closed for a couple of seconds longer. He only opens them once you tell him once again you should go home, that you need some time to think.
โLet me at least walk you there. Itโs dark,โ he pleads, his grip on your waist still tight.
โHoon, I live right next door, Iโll be fine.โ You let him kiss you once more and he makes you promise to call or text him tomorrow.
When you leave, Sunghoon plops back down on his bed, arm resting on his forehead as he plays back the events of the night. Had he done something wrong? Something that made you want to get as far away from him as quickly as possible? Heโd tried to be gentle and to make sure you were okay with everything, but he couldnโt help but get carried away when he heard those sweet sighs of yours. He thought he was going to combust when he heard you moan, and he wanted to hear it over and over again, but youโd jumped from him like heโd told you he had killed someone.
He hopes you were telling the truth when you said you were just scared about your friendship changing. He hadnโt wanted to push and get you to stay; he knew it was weird, seeing each other in a different light all at once. He wasnโt completely oblivious; heโd felt that same shift in your relationship those past few months, just like you had, although youโd never spoken about it to each other. He knew he could never go back to seeing you as just a friend when heโd jerked off one day and you were all he could think of. He kept imagining the sounds youโd make and the way your hands would feel on him, and heโd gotten so close to getting that today, but he mustโve fucked something up and now his chances were ruined. He curses himself for letting you slip through his fingers just when he thought he finally had you.
You donโt get a wink of sleep that night. Your mind is reeling with everything that happened in Sunghoonโs room. Your fingers unconsciously keep coming up to touch your lips and feel the ghost of his touch there. Your skin turns hot at the simple thought of how perfect his lips had felt against yours, and you toss and turn in your bed as you consider what mightโve been, had you stayed with Sunghoon.ย
But itโs all happening too quickly, and even though youโve been curious in more ways than one about your best friend for the past few months, you hadnโt expected to kiss him and to enjoy it so much on a random summer night. Your thoughts only seem to calm down and your eyes finally close just as the sun starts to rise.
--
The next day, Sunghoon wakes up in the early hours of the afternoon and checks his phone right away. A couple of notifications, but nothing from you. A text from Jake in their group chat with Jay asking to hang out at Sunghoonโs pool, to which he replies that they can come whenever. He taps a quick one out in the shower, memories of your scent and your lips on his getting him to finish quicker than heโd like to admit. Heโs in the middle of a late breakfast when Jake and Jay spawn at his door, swimming trunks already on. Still nothing from you.
It doesnโt take Jay and Jake long to figure out that something is up with their best friend. Itโs not like he does much usually, but today especially, he makes no effort to entertain them. He laughs at their jokes, but it feels like he laughs because he hears other people laughing rather than because he genuinely finds them funny. He barely even reacts when the inflatable pool ball hits him right in the face.
His friends donโt say anything until theyโre all seated at a table by the pool, sipping on some ice-cold Coke. The air is still warm but the sun is low in the sky, hidden behind the house. Sunghoon is still lost in his thoughts, unblinking eyes fixed on a random point in the distance. Jay and Jake exchange a look before the former breaks the silence.
โIs everything alright, Hoon? You look out of it today.โ
Jayโs voice brings him back to the here and now, and his eyes jump back and forth between his two friends who are looking at him expectantly. โHuh? Yeah, yeah, Iโm fine. Just tired. I didnโt get a lot of sleep last night,โ he says, leaving some of the truth out, but his friends know him better than he gives them credit for.
โAre you sure? I feel like thereโs something youโre not telling us. You usually act like a little bitch when youโre tired, you donโt get allโฆ,โ Jake shakes his hand in front of his face, โdistant like that.โ
Sunghoon bites his lip, debating whether he should tell his friends about you or not. No matter how stupid they may be, they also know both of you quite well, so they might prove not completely useless, he thinks.
โY/N and I kissed last night.โ
Itโs almost comical, how Jay and Jake bring their head forward in astonishment, how wide their mouth gets, how their eyes look like they might pop out of their sockets, and how they say โYou what?!โ at the same time. On a normal day, Sunghoon would've laughed.
โWe kissed,โ Sunghoon repeats, eyes drifting down to the ground in front of him as he rubs his neck in embarrassment.
โFucking finally!โ Jay exclaims.
โTold you it was gonna happen. No way you two were going to stay just besties forever,โ Jake teases, punching Sunghoon in the arm. โHow was it?โ
Sunghoon sighs and leans back in his chair, letting his head hang back. โReally fucking amazing,โ he chuckles. His friends holler for him, snickering like 12-year old boys who just saw a hot girl walk past.ย
โGod, I saw this coming from miles away. I donโt know why you kept on insisting nothing was gonna happen between you two,โ Jake says, beaming.
โI really didnโt think anything wouldโฆ I justโฆ Started seeing her differently recently, I guess.โ Sunghoon shrugs, sheepishly smiling to himself.
โSo, what happened? Did you guys just kiss orโฆ?โ Jay asks, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Jake giggles at the insinuation of sex but has a curious glint in his eyes when he waits for Sunghoonโs answer.
โYeah, um, we just kissed cause she- she sort of ran away?โ Sunghoon admits, wincing at the recollection.
โYou what?!โ Chaeyongโs voice rings out in the food court of the mall where youโre currently sitting, halfway through your strawberry milkshake.
โKeep it down, would you?!โ you scold her, smiling apologetically to the people staring at you and your friend.
โIf it was so good, why the hell did you run away, Y/N?โ
โI just- I donโt knowโฆ Freaked out, I guessโฆโ you mumble, cowering under the harsh look she gives you.
โWell, have you talked since?โ You donโt reply, just guiltily avoid her gaze. โY/N!โ
โI know, I know! I justโฆ donโt know what to do. โHey, nice making out with you last night, bit weird since weโve been best friends since we were 11, but thatโs fine, right?โ Ugh! Thatโs so stupid,โ you complain, flopping back in your chair.
โThatโs exactly what you should say. Going MIA on him will just make things weirder. Plus youโve never gone more than 24 hours without speaking so one of you will eventually cave in. It should be you,โ she says, looking at you with a raised eyebrow as she takes a sip from her milkshake.ย
You scoff when she gives you a โyou know Iโm rightโ look. โIโll think about it on the way home and text him. There.โ
And you do think about it on the way home; but you donโt get the opportunity to send the text, because as soon as you get off the bus at the stop right across from your house, you see Sunghoon sitting on the bench of your porch, looking around nervously and rubbing his hands on his denim shorts. You chuckle to yourself; who knew he got so distressed from not speaking to you for a day?
He stands up when he sees you approaching and raises his hand in a quick wave. โHi, Hoon,โ you greet, and you can feel his whole body relax when you hug him. So, you donโt hate him, he thinks. You sit down on the bench together. โSorry I didnโt text you. I didnโt know what to say afterโฆ last night,โ you admit, hugging your knees to your chest as you sit facing him.
โYeah, I figured,โ he chuckles, smiling shyly at you. โI was scared youโd never want to see me again.โ
You look at him with wide eyes, mildly offended, and punch his arm. โHow could you think that?!โ
โWell, you did sort of run away from me last night,โ he says, lightly punching your arm in return.
You tut in defeat. โI did, didnโt I?โย
โYeah. Iโm just glad you didnโt walk past me straight into your house just now.โ
You chuckle and rest your head on top of your knees. โThat wouldโve been a bit much, even for me.โ
Sunghoon lets out a puff of air through his nose in response, and then the two of you sit in silence. Youโre contemplating what to do next when your friend pulls you from your thoughts. โShould we, umโฆโ He shuts his eyes tightly in reflection for a second before opening them again and looking straight at you. โShould we just pretend like last night didnโt happen? Would that make you feel more comfortable?โ
His words take you aback and your eyes widen a bit; you hadnโt even thought pretending nothing happened last night was an option, because you didnโt think youโd ever be able to actually get it out of your head. Even now, if you stare at Sunghoon for too long, your gaze will naturally drift downwards or youโll get a flashback of his large hands around your waist. But apparently, if he can offer to pretend like the previous night wasnโt a thing, then it must not have been such a huge deal to him. You quickly try to hide your disappointment and nod at your friend. โRight. Yeah. Sure.โ
Silence makes its way between you two again. It makes the late afternoon breeze a bit chillier and the physical distance between you and Sunghoon feel much bigger than it actually is. Wanting it to go away quickly, you ask, โDo you wanna watch a movie, then?โ
Sunghoonโs never looked so relieved about watching a movie, and he immediately accepts your offer. You get some popcorn ready while he searches for a movie to watch. He clicks on a horror movie that looks like itโs got a clichรฉ storyline and awful acting, but youโre happy for any sort of distraction when Sunghoon is sitting so close to you.
You and Sunghoon always sit close-by when you watch something together, knees and shoulders brushing against each other. Tonight isnโt any different, except that your skin burns everywhere it touches his. You can smell the faint scent of chlorine in his hair, and itโs so intoxicating you want to bury your face there and breathe it in.
Youโre thirty minutes into the movie and still nothingโs happened when Sunghoon puts his arm around you, letting his hand hang over your shoulder. The sudden warm contact makes you take a sharp intake of breath as memories of the previous night come flooding once again. You donโt know what you were expecting, but Sunghoon simply rests his hand there and doesnโt do anything more for another thirty minutes, except for squeezing your shoulder when thereโs a small jumpscare, making you chuckle at him. This isnโt much more than what youโre used to with him, but knowing your friend, he must be thinking the ball is in your court. So you scooch a bit closer into his side and rest your head on his shoulder, the scent of his skin even stronger now that your nose is so close to his neck. You feel his chest raise and relax as he sighs deeply and tightens his hold around your shoulders. His small reactions to you spur you on and you decide to wrap an arm around his waist and you feel him flinch oh-so-slightly at your touch in such a sensitive spot. He starts to rub circles into your shoulder and rests his head on top of yours, and your whole body relaxes into his. This is so much more than what youโre used to with him; and yet, you so readily melt under his touch.
You can barely focus on the movie because of how close Sunghoon is. When a particularly scary ghost jumps on the screen, you flinch and hide your face in his neck, and he giggles at your reaction, hand coming up to stroke your hair comfortingly. It only takes you a few seconds to realize what position youโre in, and you release a shaky breath as you slowly lift your head towards Sunghoon, only to find him already looking at you, seemingly having had that same realization. When his eyes drift down to your lips, you know youโre done for.
You call out his name, and heโs already answered โYes?โ before youโve had time to finish uttering the second syllable. โI donโt think I want to pretend last night never happened,โ you admit, holding his waist a bit tighter.
โGood. Me neither,โ he breathes out before leaning down and trapping your lips in his, the kiss releasing all your pent-up frustration of the day. The world seems to melt away with his lips on yours, the movie already long forgotten. Sunghoon pulls you into his lap and you slide your palms up from his waist, against his chest and to his shoulders before wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing your body closer to his. His hands are sitting on your hips, fingers lightly pressing into them and your lower back. Now that you both seem to know what you want, itโs so easy, just falling into this kiss.
His tongue darts out to lick your bottom lip and you gladly open your mouth for him, letting his tongue explore it. You havenโt kissed someone like this in ages, maybe ever, but Sunghoon takes the lead and effortlessly gets you to follow his rhythm. When a flick of his tongue against yours feels particularly nice, you arch your back and press your chest into his, making him smirk into the kiss. This time, when he brings your hips down onto his, letting you feel his erection against your clothed core, the feeling doesnโt make you want to run away; instead, you want to feel it again and again.
You fall into a nice pace of rubbing yourself against him, eliciting hushed moans and loud breaths from the both of you. You canโt concentrate on kissing him and grinding down on him at the same time, so you drop your head down to bury your face in his neck, leaving a few pecks there but mostly moaning against his skin, enjoying how your hot breaths make him shiver.
You canโt keep a whine from escaping your lips when he bucks his hip into yours and his tip brushes directly against your covered clit, instantly bringing a hand up to your mouth. โFuck, Y/N,โ he breathes. โI know we gotta keep quiet โcause of your parents but the sounds youโre making are so fucking pretty. I wanna hear them over and over again.โ His words make you whimper against his neck and you feel your slick starting to pool in your panties.
โH-hoon. This feels so good,โ you moan, breathing warmly against the shell of his ear.
โI know, right? Feels so good,โ he chuckles, hands grabbing at your ass to bring you harder down onto him. His actions are about to elicit another moan from you when, all of a sudden, a loud jumpscare in the movie makes you jump away from the boy underneath you and yelp in fear, which in turn makes him scream in surprise. You look at each other, panting and eyes open wide, hands clutching at your hearts, until you burst into laughter. The fun moment is short-lived, however, as your mom rushes down the stairs not ten seconds later, frantically asking if everything is alright.ย
You sit up straight at the sight of your mother and clear your throat. Youโre thankful for the dark of the room which hides your and Sunghoonโs swollen lips and flushed faces from her view. โSorry, mom, we were just watching a scary movie. Weโre fine.โ She sleepily nods and walks back up the stairs, and when sheโs back in her room, Sunghoon and you exchange a look and erupt into another fit of smaller, quieter giggles.ย
That night, after Sunghoonโs gone home, the both of you get yourselves off in your own beds, the strong memory of each otherโs lips and hands bringing you both to your releases. Without even realizing it, you moan out Sunghoonโs name as your orgasm hits. The window from your room doesnโt face his; but still, your heart is beating so loudly that youโre afraid the sound might carry from your open window to his. You get up and close it.
--
Now that you and Sunghoon both know you want to kiss each other, you do it everywhere: in his pool, his back pressed against the wall; on the sunchairs when you were supposed to be drying off; on your beds in the middle of the night, none of your parents or siblings suspicious of anything; in front of your house, because even though he was supposed to just walk you home, he couldnโt keep himself from tasting you one last time; in the backseat of his car after an evening with your friends and he drove you two home.
You spend a good two weeks of just kissing before your body starts to crave something more. At some point, Sunghoonโs hands resting nicely on your waist or sometimes, if heโs feeling bold, grabbing at your ass, start to not be enough anymore. You knew you wouldnโt be satisfied with just kisses and sweet touches when one day, his hands slowly but surely slid up your naked belly before grabbing onto your bikini-clad breast, lighting your whole body up on fire. Heโd slipped his hand underneath your swimming top and rolled your nipple between two fingers and you had felt his dick twitch under your core when you let out a loud moan at the new yet so pleasurable feeling.
You know what it is that you want, but it makes you feel dirty. Your fingers have made you finish a hundred times before, but wanting Sunghoon to make you feel that way is a whole other story. Is that even what he wants? Would he be weirded out if you asked him about it? Is there even the sliver of a chance that maybe, just maybe, he has those same thoughts about you, and wants you to make him feel good as much as he wants to make you feel good?
If his grunts and the way he ruts into you when your make-out sessions get particularly steamy are any indication, then the answer to those questions would respectively be yes, no, and yes.ย
Youโre lying on a sunbed one afternoon, letting the sun dry off your wet skin from the pool, when you finally muster the courage to tell Sunghoon about your wishes. After all, he is your best friend, and you know you can talk to him about anything. Even when that โanythingโ involves his fingers inside of you and his dick in your mouth.
โSunghoon?โ you call out, turning your head to look at your best friend. Heโs bathing in the sunlight without a care in the world. His skin has tanned a bit since summer started three weeks ago and his muscles are even more defined after all that swimming and working out heโs been doing. You want to reach out a hand, to feel the taut skin of his abs and chest under your palms, and to maybe then slide your hand down until you feel his hard-on underneath his swimming trunks. Your chairs arenโt far apart and you could do it from where you are, but youโd rather ask him first.
โYeah?โ he answers without turning towards you.
You take a deep breath in before you start talking again. โYou know how you said it could be good for us to getโฆ experience before going to collegeโฆ And how weโve been kissing these past couple weeksโฆโ
โYeah, I know,โ he chuckles.
โWellโฆ people do more than just kissing, right?โ you ask, voice slightly shaky. This seems to pique his interest as he turns to look at you.
โYeah?โย
You hope youโre not just imagining the enthusiastic tone in his voice. โI thinkโฆ I think we should try that too, donโt you think?โ you ask, eyes not leaving his as he sits up on his chair and turns his knees towards you, fully facing you now.
โYeah, I agree. I completely agree.โ He stares at you for a few moments as if in disbelief. โDo you want to- Should we- Letโs go up to my room, yeah?โ he offers, standing up and reaching his hand out to you. You gladly take it.
You and Sunghoon are a giggling mess as you practically run up the stairs, unable to get to his room quick enough. As soon as the door is closed behind you, you wrap your arms around each other, your lips finding his immediately as he walks you back to his bed. When you feel the back of your knees hit it, you detach yourself from him and lay on it, elbows holding you up as you look up at him expectantly.
โFuck,โ he whispers, leaning in to hover over you. He traps your lips in a short but sweet kiss before pulling back and murmuring against your lips, โHave I ever told you how pretty you are, Y/N?โ
You beam at his words but decide to tease anyway. โYou always go on and on about how pretty you are, but never about me.โ
He giggles and pecks your lips again. โWell, Iโm telling you now. Youโre gorgeous.โ You kiss him to hide your flustered face, pulling him so close to you heโs practically laying on top of you. Your hands are a bit more curious than usual, your kisses hungrier, the both of you anticipating whatโs to come.ย
You grind against each other, the feeling of his erection against your barely covered core enough to send your mind into a frenzy. You forget everything around you when you feel Sunghoon pull back in the slightest, far enough so that he can look at your face and gauge your reactions but not too much that you still feel his hot breath on your lips. One of his hands is holding the back of your head as the other travels downwards, stopping for a second on your breast to massage it lightly before continuing its journey. It ever-so-slightly brushes against your core, making you buck your hips up into his touch, but his hand is already gone leaving you whining and pouting and him chuckling at your cute reaction. โYou want it that bad, huh?โ he teases.
You scoff, not wanting to let your friend know the effect he has on you. You press your palm against his clothed erection and he hisses at the unexpected contact. โSo do you, Hoon.โ
When he presses his lips to yours again, you both smile into the kiss. You cup his jaw and tangle your fingers through his hair, and his hand slips from under your head and joins his other hand on your thigh, grabbing at both of them, fingers slightly digging in your skin. Heโs so, so close to where you want him most, and he seems to have noticed your growing impatience by the way you squirm underneath him. Seeing you so needy for him only makes him needier for you; he has more experience than you, so you probably expect him to take the lead, but the truth is, he has no idea what the fuck heโs doing.
โY/N?โ he murmurs, face buried in your neck as he leaves a trail of wet kisses there.
โYeah?โ
โWhat do you want me to do?โ
The question takes you a bit by surprise. You pull away to look at your friend. His eyes are completely glossed-over, and yours are probably the same. โOh. I donโt know. I justโฆ want you to touch me, I guess,โ you say, voice a bit quiet.
โI donโt know how to do that,โ he admits sheepishly. He kisses your neck and cheeks before pecking your lips. โCould you- could you show me? How you do it? And I can show you how I do it?โ
You take a second to take his words in. Was he suggesting that you touch yourself in front of him, and that he do the same?
This was like a dream come true.
โYeah, sure.โ
Sunghoon giggles in response, and you canโt help but crack a smile too, even though the idea of getting yourself off in front of your friend, no matter how appealing, is still a bit nerve-wracking. โYou first,โ he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes, and you roll your eyes at him.
You sit back against the headboard of the bed and slip a hand underneath your swim bottom, the other hand coming up to cover your eyes in an attempt to escape Sunghoonโs heavy, lustful gaze. โNone of that. I wanna see you,โ he says, pulling your hand away from your eyes and resting it on a pillow next to you. โAnd if you keep these on, I wonโt be able to see anything,โ he says, looking down at your bikini top.
Before you can protest, he comes to sit on his knees in front of you, kissing your neck and letting his hands roam your back. โI wanna see all of you.โ Itโs so easy, untying your string bikini, he almost thinks you wore it on purpose for him to take it off. You avoid his gaze as he takes your top off of you, leaving you half-naked in front of him. โSo pretty,โ he whispers, and you canโt help but look at him, slick pooling between your legs from the fascination heโs looking at your breasts with. He trails kisses down your neck until he reaches them, taking a nipple in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, then looks up to see your reaction. You never knew your nipples were this sensitive, and you canโt help but arch your back at his touch and moan loudly, hand flying up to tug at his soft hair. He releases your nipple with a pop and moves sideways to pay the same attention to the other one, but Sunghoon is impatient and doesnโt waste too much time on it; he knows he can come back to your boobs later anyway. Right now, youโve got a hand between your legs, and thatโs what heโs dying to see.
โCan I take this off, too?โ he asks, looking up at you as his fingers hook on the sides of your swimming bottoms, waiting for you to nod. His eyes donโt leave your glistening core as he pulls the thin fabric down your legs, discarding it somewhere on the floor of his room. He lays on his belly and kisses the inside of your knee as he holds your thighs in his large hands, still transfixed by your pussy when he says, โShow me how you do it, please.โ
You both take a sharp breath in when you start moving two fingers in gentle circles over your clit, already wet from making out with Sunghoon. Your fingers are nimble and know exactly what to do after years of doing this, but the pulse in your core is even stronger now that your best friend is watching your movements this intently. He looks like heโs scared to blink in case he might miss something. You canโt take your eyes off of his face; youโve never seen him so fascinated by something, so eager to learn. It makes you want to put on a show for him.
A surge of confidence hits you out of nowhere as you slide your digits down your folds, gathering some slick before sliding them back up to your clit and rubbing it a bit faster, a bit harder, your moans growing louder and higher in pitch. With your free hand, you tug at the base of Sunghoonโs hair and make him look up at you. You release his hair and bring your pointer finger up to your mouth, sucking on it and swirling your tongue around it, and Sunghoonโs mind is taken back to that day a couple weeks ago when you had sucked on those lollipops. Oh, how things have changed since then. Not that heโs complaining. โFuck, thatโs hot,โ he breathes out, eyes zeroed in on your lips and mouth slightly agape.
You smirk at his reaction, stomach on fire with the feeling of having this kind of power on him. When youโve wet your finger enough, you bring it down to your slit, circling around your hole before entering it, releasing a loud moan for good measure. Sunghoon is mesmerized by the quickening with which your finger slips in and out of you, the fingers on your clit never relenting. He doesnโt even realize heโs released one of your thighs to palm himself over his shorts until you notice it yourself and tut in disapproval.
โCome and help me, Hoon,โ you say, and the boy snaps out of his daze at the sound of his nickname. He nods slowly, changing his position so that heโs laying between your legs, head dangerously close to your core. You slip your other finger out of your hole and he takes that as a sign to replace it with his own. One hand still gripping your thigh, he imitates your previous actions as he gets his pointer finger wet with his saliva before pressing it between your folds, right underneath your clit where your fingers are still rubbing circles, sliding it down towards your slit, and finally pushing it in.ย
โSo warmโฆ So wet, too,โ he whispers in wonder, making you cover your eyes with your forearm out of shyness.
โOh my God,โ you moan, arching your back and letting your head drop to the side on the pillow. Sunghoonโs finger is much thicker and longer than your own, and it stretches you out and hits a deep spot inside you you never could, no matter how much you tried.
โLike this?โ he asks, eyes curious as they bounce back and forth between your face and your entrance sucking his finger in.
โYes, yes, just like that, you can also- oh- you can also curve it upwards a bit- fuck, yeah, just like that, Hoon, youโre doing so well,โ you say, the praises just flying out of your mouth.ย
This seems to instill some confidence in him, as he cocks an eyebrow at you and speeds up his actions. โYeah? My finger making you feel good, Y/N?โ
โOh, shut up,โ you bite back, but immediately let out a long whine when he easily inserts a second finger in your soaking pussy. He curves them inside you just like you told him to, and the feeling of his fingers filling you up and your own quick ones on your clit are creating a familiar knot in your stomach that is so close to breaking. That is, until Sunghoon pulls your wrist away from your clit.
โY/Nโฆ Can I?โ he asks, and youโre not sure what heโs planning, but nod anyway. He wastes no time before pressing his tongue flat down on the sensitive bud, and you actually feel like your soul might leave your body. Fingers knuckle-deep inside you, he licks and sucks at your clit, and the warmth of his tongue against your folds is what makes you tumble over the edge, tightly gripping his hair and bucking your hips into his mouth.
โOh my Godโฆ Oh my God, Hoon, please, donโt stop, please,โ you beg, voice getting higher and whinier as you cum all over his tongue. He continues eating you out until it gets too much and you have to tell him to stop. He hikes his body up yours, pecking you sweetly on the lips when he reaches them.
โYour turn,โ you announce and hook your legs over his hips to straddle him. Youโre about to lean in for a kiss when you notice how lovingly heโs looking at you: his eyes are soft and a small smile is playing on his lips. It takes you aback, but youโd be lying if you said butterflies didnโt spread in your stomach. โW-why are you looking at me like that?โ
His grin gets a bit wider. โDid I make you feel good?โ
โY-yeahโฆ,โ you admit, averting your gaze from him.
โIโm glad. You taste good, by the way. Sweet.โ You want to kiss the devilish smirk off of his face.
You scoff at your friend, glaring a bit. โWhatever. Sit up,โ you order, but it just makes him smirk more.
โYes, maโam.โ
You look up at him to check for confirmation, and when he nods, you hook your fingers under his swimming trunks, taking them off of him along with his boxers underneath. His already fully-hard cock springs free and slaps against his stomach, and you curse yourself for your reaction that will surely just inflate his ego, as if it wasnโt already massive. Your mouth hangs open, eyes zeroing in on his length, flushed red from lack of attention and what you can only guess is precum leaking at the tip. It's straight from a porno.
โLike what you see?โ Sunghoon teases, making you look up at him, and you can only stupidly nod. You take the position he was in earlier, laying your head on his thigh and caressing the other, letting it ride up to rub his inner thigh and the tiniest bit over his cock, making his smirk vanish as he takes a shaky breath in.
โShow me how you do it,โ you say, echoing his words from earlier. He gulps, finally realizing that he was going to have to masturbate in front of your curious eyes just as you had. He spits on his open palm and spreads the precum over his length with his thumb, lubing himself up before gripping the base and starting to move his hand up and down. You watch as his head falls back against the pillow when his palm grazes over his tip and his movements pick up some speed.
You rub his palms over his thighs, itching to get closer to his cock and make him feel as good as he had done to you earlier. Tentatively, you reach out to grab his balls in your hands, massaging them softly, feeling satisfied when a loud moan leaves his throat. โOh, f-fuck, that feels good, Y/N,โ he breathes out, voice much higher than youโre used to. If he thought that felt good, then nothing couldโve prepared him for the feeling of your soft and warm tongue kitty-licking his balls, then taking turns sucking each one into your mouth and releasing them with a pop. โWhere the fuck did you learn how to do that?โ he asks, involuntarily bucking his hips into your face.
You canโt help but giggle, and Sunghoon thinks he might come from the sweet sound contrasted with your lewd actions alone. โI read a lot of fanfiction,โ you explain, and he doesnโt question it. If Wattpad taught you how to suck dick, then so be it.
You wrap your hand around his and tell him to keep going so you can get an idea of what pace and movements he likes, and you graze your fingernails over his abs and chest with your other hand, chuckling at how sensitive he is when you lightly pinch his nipples. Sunghoon takes his hand off of himself, laying both of his hands palms up next to him on the bed, so you decide to literally take things into your own hands. Trying to recreate what he did before, you spit into your palm and wrap your fingers around his tip, bringing your hand down in a swirly motion to the base of his shaft. You do that a few times, asking, โLike that?โ to get confirmation from Sunghoon.
โJust like that, baby,โ he says, not even taking notice of the pet name; but you do, and your face immediately flushes, surprised at how much you like it.
โBaby?โ you repeat, but heโs too lost in his pleasure and just hums in response. His reaction eggs you on, and you lick a long stripe from his base to his tip, swirling your tongue around it and humming at the bitter but not unpleasant taste of precum there. When another moan escapes his throat, you take his tip in your mouth, at first just shallowly thrusting your head, but then trying to take more and more of him.ย
Youโre so focused on what youโre doing that you donโt even realize how quickly heโs panting and how his grunts start to get whinier until heโs moaning out your name. โA-ah, Y/N, feels so good, โm gonna cum, fuck-โ
He goes silent as he shoots his release down your throat, eyebrows deeply furrowed and mouth open wide in pleasure. Thereโs so much of it and you canโt swallow it all, so you pull your head back, catching your breath, and a hot string of cum hits your chin and your throat. Sunghoon takes a look at you and the sight of you with some of his cum makes his dick twitch before he plops back down on the bed. You giggle as you take tissues from the bedside table (cause of course heโs got tissues next to his bed) and wipe away his seed, then lie down next to him, brushing away the hair thatโs sticking to his forehead with sweat and peppering his face with soft kisses.
He opens his eyes and smiles, turning his head to look at you before engulfing you in a bear hug, sweaty bodies sticking together but neither of you minding it. โThat was so good, Y/N. What the fuck,โ he sighs, pecking your forehead.
You hum, nuzzling your nose into his neck. โI know, right? Who knew you could use your mouth for other things than saying stupid shit,โ you tease.
He pulls back and gives you a look that tries to be stern, but you know heโs joking. โDo I need to remind you again, young lady?โ
You giggle and peck his lips, forcing him out of character as his dimples appear on his cheeks. โLater, definitely.โ
And after that day, he makes sure to remind you time and time again of how good his mouth feels on you. You shouldโve seen it coming with how amazing of a kisser he was; but truly, there was nothing like cumming on your friendโs tongue.
--
Youโre relieved to find that not much has changed, after all; you and Sunghoon still play around in the pool, watch stupid movies and hang out with your friends like always. Sure, there are stray hands here and there, or looks that last a little too long and mean a little too much, but if anything, it just makes your friendship more playful and exciting.ย
Youโre both open with what you like and donโt like, so it doesnโt take either of you to figure out exactly how to make the other come undone embarrassingly quickly. (The shortest amount of time it took him was 2:38 seconds - yes, he timed it - and he hasnโt let you live it down since.) You like it when he presses his large hand down onto your lower tummy while he eats you out, or when he sits you between his legs and whispers all sorts of things as his fingers work their magic inside you and on your clit. He likes it when you get down on your knees in front of him and look up at him as you suck him dry, or when you sit in his lap and kiss his neck and play with his hair while he plays video games. And donโt even get him started on when you palmed him over his sweatpants while you watched a movie with Chaeyong, Jay and Jake, making sure that the movements under the blanket went unnoticed by them. He wanted to punish you after they left, he really did, but you took him in your mouth right there in the living room and gave him an orgasm that had his thighs shaking for five minutes afterwards. You were pretty proud of yourself for that one.ย
You also find out that he hates it when you tease and edge him, which only makes you do it more; the only problem is that, if you do that, heโll make you ride his thigh and wonโt help you at all. His proud smirk and snide praises combined with the feeling of his thick thigh underneath your core were more than enough to get you to your end, though.
And truly, nothing has changed, especially not Sunghoonโs special talent in pushing boys away from you.
โWhat do you mean, Lee Heeseung is coming back?โ he heatedly asks, slamming his glass of lemonade down on the outdoor table so hard youโre scared it might break.
โItโs the summer, of course heโs coming back. He just stayed behind for a bit to enjoy a few weeks of the city without college, and now heโs coming back here,โ Jake explains, shrugging.
โDo you know when heโll be here?โ you ask, far too much excitement in your voice to Sunghoonโs taste.
โJust in a couple days.โ
Sunghoon has smoke coming out of his ears when he sees how much you perk up at the news of your old crush being back in town for summer. He likes the boy, but he hates that you like him. And since Heeseung is friends with Jay, Jake, and by association Sunghoon, begrudgingly so, heโll definitely see lots of him in the upcoming months. And if Sunghoon sees Heeseung, then youโll see Heeseung, too. And that, Sunghoon doesnโt like.
You notice something is off with him that afternoon because of how uncharacteristically quiet he is. Sunghoon, ever the loud introvert, is always arguing for no reason and laughing louder than everybody around him. So when he merely chuckles at his friendsโ numerous displays of stupidity in the pool and doesnโt even say anything in protest to you getting on Jakeโs shoulders to play against Chaeyoung and Jay, you know something is definitely up. You also have a good idea of what that something might be, and youโd be lying if you said you didnโt find it endearing.
You stay behind when your friends leave in the early evening. Without a word, you and Sunghoon pack away the inflatable toys in the pool cabin and clean up the table, putting the dirty glasses in the sink. You do the dishes while he prepares sandwiches for the two of you, which he insisted on doing after he heard your stomach grumbling. You watch the latest Kurtis Conner video as you eat and canโt help but notice that he doesnโt even chuckle at any of the jokes or skits when heโd usually be clutching his stomach in laughter.ย
When youโre done eating, you take a resolute breath and pause the video, but Sunghoon doesnโt even notice, only snapping out of his daze when you call out his name.
โHuh?โ When his eyes find you, he almost looks surprised to see you, as if heโd forgotten you were there.
โAre you going to tell me whatโs wrong?โ you ask, slightly frowning. โYou look so out of it today.โ
โHuh? Iโm fine, nothingโs wrong,โ he says dismissively and presses play, but you quickly pause the video again.
โIโm your best friend, Sunghoon, I know when somethingโs the matter and I know when youโre lying. We donโt have to talk about it if you donโt want to, but donโt pretend everythingโs fine when we both know thatโs not true.โ
He peers at you for a moment, cursing you for knowing him so well. He crosses his arm and averts his gaze, pouting like an angry child. โI hate it when youโre right.โ
You giggle and make your way around the counter to him, standing inbetween his legs and wrapping your arms around his neck to make him look up at you. His hands come naturally up to your waist. โI justโฆโ he starts, then immediately stops himself with a sigh., โYouโve always had a crush on Heeseung. But these are our last couple months together, and I donโt want somebody else taking up your attentionโฆโ
He buries his face between your breasts to hide his blush, and you canโt help but giggle again. โStop laughing at me!โ he protests, but the muffled sound of his voice just makes you laugh more. You stroke his hair and press a gentle kiss at the top of his head.
โSure, Iโm happy Heeseungโs coming back. But thereโs no one Iโd rather spend my summer with than you, Sunghoon, you should know that.โ He leans back to look up at you with puppy eyes and a small pout. You cup his face, admiring how cute he looks like this, and smile softly down at him.
โReally?โ
โReally,โ you answer, and he leans in for a kiss.
Itโs a soft one. Itโs a patient kiss, neither of you urging to get somewhere else, to do something more. It reminds you of that kiss in his room a few weeks ago, when you were still curious and discovering each other. From then on, your kisses had become more feverish, more eager, more playful. But now, youโre taking your time. For now at least, neither of you is going anywhere. So your lips melt together slowly, and when you take breaks to breathe, you look each other in the eyes and smile before leaning back in.
Itโs when you sigh against his lips, eyes still closed as you pull away, that it hits him. I could do this forever, he thinks.
I could sit here with my arms around her waist and her lips against mine and the smell of chlorine and the sound of her laugh forever and Iโd never get tired of it, he thinks, but immediately afterwards, he realizes he wonโt get to do this forever. Summer will end, youโll both head off to college, and youโll only get to see each other every few months until another summer comes. And who knows what might happen until then?
You might meet someone and realize Sunghoon isnโt all that; hell, he might meet someone, but he highly doubts anyone could even come close to the way you make him feel.
โHello? Earth to Sunghoon?โ you quietly joke, looking down at him with an affectionate look in your eyes. You press the pads of your fingers to his two moles before replacing your fingers with your lips, giving each one a quick peck. โYou were up on the moon for a minute there.โ
Sunghoon hums softly, smiling as he lets himself melt under your touch. โSorry. Itโs just really hot, isnโt it?โ he says, a stupid excuse he uses as a blanket to cover his feelings. There is some sweat beading at his hairline, which helps make his lie more believable, but you donโt need to know itโs not just because of the summer heat.
Slowly, your smile turns mischievous, and Sunghoon can tell you have an idea in mind. โIt is pretty hotโฆ Wait here.โ
He watches as you fill a tall glass with ice from the dispenser in the fridge and pop an ice cube in your mouth, a devilish smile on your face, and laughs when that smile is replaced with a frown as the coldness hits you and you spit it back into the glass, laughing along with him. โWhat the hell are you doing?โ he asks between giggles.
โI got the idea a few days ago when we were having popsiclesโฆ,โ you say looking down at the glass between your hands, slightly embarrassed. โYou kissed me and your mouth was really cold but it felt nice.โ Sunghoon hums, egging you to go on. You lift the glass up to his cheeks, applying just a bit of pressure to the soft skin. โI thought this could be refreshing.โย
You take the ice cube back in your mouth, sucking on it but not letting it melt completely before pressing your lips against Sunghoonโs and opening your mouth just a bit so he could feel the cold of the ice cube. You feel his smile into the kiss as the ice cube swirls between your tongues, sending shivers down your spine.ย
โVery refreshing indeed,โ he murmurs when the ice has completely melted. He gets up and takes the glass in one of his hands, leaning down to your level and says โCโmonโ with the same mischievous smile as you on his face.
You two hurry up the stairs, and when you get to his room, he hands you the glass before throwing himself on his back, laying on his back with his hands behind his head. โShow me what you had in mind.โ
You straddle his hips and take an ice cube from the glass, rubbing it over his lips before pushing it inside his mouth, the cold making him hiss. You quickly counteract that by pressing your lips to his, the contrast of your warm tongue and the freezing ice turning him on more than he wouldโve thought.
When the ice has melted, you take another piece and brush it along his jaw, down his Adamโs apple and around his nipples. The cold temperature makes him squirm but he doesnโt shy away from it, even closing his eyes to focus solely on the feeling. While you play with the ice cube, you also leave warm kisses all over his skin, reveling in its slightly salty taste from the thin layer of sweat. You let the ice cube melt between his abs and watch him wriggle as he sucks in a sharp breath, then grab another one, starting off where the previous one stopped. You circle his navel while your fingers play with the hem of his swimming trunks. He pulls them down himself and you chuckle at his eagerness. โI shouldโve known you liked the cold, with all those years of ice skating you did,โ you tease.ย ย
Heโs almost fully hard, and it only takes a few kisses and trailing the ice cube down his inner thighs to have his dick fully erect. Heโd only been letting out small sighs and hisses until now, but when you grab another ice cube and circle it around his sensitive tip, he throws his head back into the pillows and moans loudly. You push your luck and drag the ice cube down his shaft, his thighs snapping together when it reaches his balls. You put it in your mouth and let it melt so that your tongue is still cold when you swirl it around his tip, already tasting precum there. But before you can take him further in your mouth, he calls out your name.
โWait. I donโt wanna cum just yet. My turn.โ
He shakes his shoulders in excitement as you switch positions, you taking your t-shirt and bikini top off and laying on your back and him sitting down with one knee on each side of your thighs, an ice cube in his hand and a giddy smile on his face.
He brushes it over your lips before pushing it just a bit into your mouth, holding onto it with two fingers while you suck on it, gazes locked in each other. Just as you did earlier, he trails it down your throat and your chest until they reach your nipples, marveling at the thin wet trail it leaves in its wake. He licks this trail as he circles one of your nipples with the ice cube, and you donโt know if you should focus on his warm tongue or on the cold ice cube. Once itโs melted, he takes another one and circles your other nipple with it, his mouth coming to wrap around the now cold one. Your hands fly up to grab at his hair, your back arching into his touch as you moan and pant loudly.
He sucks and licks at your nipples until youโre calling out his name, begging for more. As nice as his mouth or an ice cube around your nipples feel, your pussy is throbbing and desperate for attention. โSunghoonโฆ Please,โ you whine.
โPlease what?โ he teases, looking up from your breasts with a smirk.
You whine again, knowing he knows full well what you want. โPleaseโฆโ
He trails the ice cube down your stomach, circling your navel a few times where it melts before slipping two cold fingers underneath your bikini bottoms. โIs this what you want, baby?,โ he asks as he rubs his fingers between his folds, and you whine at the feeling of having him so close to your hole and to your clit but not quite there either. He smirks when you nod frantically but whine at the loss of his fingers against you as he takes your bottoms off and reaches for another ice cube.
You release a loud moan and arch your back off the bed when the ice cube touches your clit. โFuck, Hoon!โ
He rubs the ice cube up and down your folds, your heat melting it much faster than your skin. He takes another one and brings it to your entrance this time, circling around it before pushing the ice cube in and staring with wonder as it melts quickly. He holds your hips down so you stop bucking them up, whimpering at the amazing feeling of the ice against you. He replaces the ice cube with his fingers inside of you and his tongue on your clit, sucking expertly at the sensitive bud and lapping at your juices. And while it feels good - God, does it feel good - and you let Sunghoon know just how nice it feels with your moans, whispers of his names and the way you hold onto his hair, youโre craving something more.
Itโs something youโve been wanting for the past few days, but you couldnโt quite put your finger on it. No matter how nice Sunghoonโs fingers and mouth felt, they didnโt make you feel close to him enough. You wanted to be so close to him you didnโt know where you ended and where he started; you wanted to feel him.ย
You pull him up by the face, asking him to come here and getting lost in his lips as soon as they reach your level. God, Sunghoonโs kisses. You could drown in them. But still, that craving, that need for more. And now that his body is pressed up against yours and you can feel his erection against your thigh, so close to your core, you think you know what it is that you want. โHmm, pleaseโฆโ
โYou keep asking me for something, but you donโt tell me what it is.โ
โYou. I want you, Hoon, please,โ you beg, murmuring against his lips as you wrap your legs around his hips and bring him even closer, his cock now pressing against your cunt.
โM-me?,โ he asks, leaning back just a bit, but you pull him back in right away, resting his forehead against yours.
โYes, please. I need to feel you inside me.โ
Your words are enough to get a moan out of Sunghoon. โFuck, you have no idea how long Iโve been waiting for this,โ he pants, planting kisses all over your face and neck. Usually, youโd giggle at the ticklish sensation, but right now, youโre so drunk on pleasure, it just makes your breath even shallower and your core wetter.
โHow long?โ
โGod. Since the second time we kissed probably,โ he replies, reaching for a condom in the drawer of his bedside table. You think back to that moment six weeks ago (how has it been six weeks already?, you think), after you and Sunghoon had made up and made out on his couch in front of a horror movie. Heโd wanted you for that long? And heโd waited for you to say something since then?
โTodayโs your lucky day, then,โ you tease in an attempt to alleviate the need for him that takes over your bones, but his gaze when he looks back at you ruins any effort. If anything, it just makes you need him even more. You feel like you might explode if you donโt have him right now.
You watch as he clumsily wraps the condom around his member, clearly never having done this before, but you wouldnโt be of any help, so you let him figure it out on his own. You let your head fall back as he rubs his tip up and down your folds, gathering your slick on his dick before aligning himself at your entrance and giving you a long, deep kiss.
โAre you sure about this?โ he asks, forehead on yours.
โYeah. Are you?โ
โYeah, I am. But Iโm also scared.โ
โScared of what, Hoon?โ you ask, opening your eyes to look at him. You caress his cheek and cup his face in your hands, watching softly as he lets his head rest on your palm.
โIโm scared of hurting you. I heard it hurts the first time. And Iโm scaredโฆโ he closes his eyes and frowns a bit. โIโm scared itโll feel too good. That Iโll always want it. You.โ
You take a small moment to think, your thumb brushing over his cheek in what you hope is a comforting manner. โYou wonโt hurt me, Hoon. It only hurts if youโre not readyโฆ And Iโm plenty ready. I know youโll take it slow.โ You smile softly when he nods, turning his head to kiss your palm. But if sex is as good as youโve heard it is, youโre also scared that it might be the best thing youโve ever experienced and that youโll never get enough. You and Sunghoon have been meeting up almost everyday this summer and it has more often than not ended up with one of you between the otherโs legs; you could never get bored of the things he made you feel or of knowing you were making him feel those exact same things. If you couldnโt live without his fingers, how could you live without his dick?
How could you live without him?
You tried to snap out of those thoughts, reassuring yourself that even before all of this you couldnโt imagine yourself living without Sunghoon, and that there was no reason this should change anything. โAnd donโt be scared of that, silly,โ you say, making him smile. โIโll always be here, Sunghoon. Iโll always want you, too.โย
โFuck, okay,โ he whispers, kissing your lips once before pulling himself up on his palms, hovering over you. โTell me if you need me to stop, yeah?โ he asks and waits for you to nod before finally pushing in.
You instantly moan when you feel his tip inside you, and Sunghoon stops, frantically asking if youโre okay. It takes some convincing to get him to push himself further in. โIt feels so good, Hoon. Please keep going.โ
You tell him to not stop until heโs fully inside you, and he obeys, even though he wants to stop when he sees your frown and your sharp intakes of breath. When heโs buried to a hilt, he canโt help but collapse on top of you, burying his face in your neck and wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. โY/N,โ he drawls out. โFeels so fucking good. So tight,โ he murmurs against your neck.
โMmh. Give me a minute, baby.โ Your hands caress up and down the expanse of his back and you feel him relax on top of you. As you adjust around his length, the stretch starts to feel more and more pleasurable, until pleasure is the only thing you feel. โHoon?โ
โYeah?โ he says, kissing and nibbling softly at your neck and earlobe.
โYou can move, now.โ
Sunghoon doesnโt need to be told twice and ever-so-slowly slides out of you, leaving only the tip in before he slides back in. His thrusts are slow but deep, and itโs everything youโve ever wanted and more. Heโs barely started but youโre both already whimpering messes, holding onto each other tightly as pleasure like neither of you has felt before takes over your entire bodies.
As you both get more comfortable, his pace picks up just a tiny bit and you tentatively raise your legs higher so that theyโre hooked around the back of his knees instead of laying on the bed. The new angle only adds to the intense pleasure, but you donโt even realize youโre crying until Sunghoon stops mid-thrust, wiping your tears with his thumb and worryingly asking if youโre okay and if it hurts and if he should stop. You open your eyes and smile, instantly calming his nerves. You bring his head closer to yours and kiss him like youโd stop breathing if you didnโt. โIt feels so fucking good, Hoon. So, so good.โ
He sighs out of relief and resumes his actions, heart swelling with pride that heโs making you feel so good, youโre crying. Heโs always hated seeing you cry or hurt in general; but knowing what kind of tears these are, he thinks you look so pretty with tears streaming down your face. His hands grip your thighs a bit tighter as he quickens his pace, already addicted to the feeling of your warm walls taking him in so well.
He slips out a few times but youโre always quick to guide him back inside you. He lifts his body up a bit to get a deeper angle, hoping itโll get him to stop slipping out, and heโs blown away by the sight underneath him. He thinks youโve never looked so gorgeous as you do now, legs spread wide for him, cheeks flushed, brows furrowed and mouth agape for him. He kisses your tears, the salty taste bringing a smile to his lips. โSo perfect,โ he whispers against your mouth. โYou look so beautiful.โ
Sunghoon takes your legs and wraps them higher around his hips, the new angle hitting a spot inside you thatโs making you see stars and has you moaning his name like itโs the only thing you know how to say. You feel that familiar tension build up inside your stomach much faster and much stronger than it usually does.
โFuck, Sunghoon, Iโm gonna cum,โ you warn, and a harsher thrust inside you is what pushes you over the edge, the sensation crashing into you and making your thighs shake. An orgasm has never hit you this hard before.
Youโre clenching around him like crazy and Sunghoon gasps as you milk him dry, his own orgasm hitting him all at once. He shoots his release inside the condom and stills inside you, breath completely taken away by the sudden, overwhelming sensation.
He lays on top of you for a moment as you both catch your breaths, trying to make sense of how something can feel this good without killing you instantly. He apologizes when his pulling out makes you wince and kisses the top of your head. He rolls onto his back, pulling you with him so that youโre now almost lying on top of him, head against his chest as his arms wrap themselves around you. You leave kisses all over his chest and neck and his hands caress your back.
โThat was amazing.โ
โI know, right?โ he responds immediately, his enthusiasm making you laugh.
โThanks, Hoon,โ you say timidly, voice muffled against his skin.
โFor what?โ
โFor making me feel this good.โ
He chuckles. โNo need to thank me, pretty. If anything, I should thank you for letting me make you feel good, and on top of that making me feel good.โ
You hum at his words and you both stay there for a bit longer, enjoying each otherโs warmth. Something blooms inside your chest, and you donโt know whether to let it grow or to squash it down. It feels nice, almost too nice, and youโre scared it might get ripped away from you and it wonโt feel so nice then.
Friendship, sex, love. In those weeks spent with Sunghoon, those previously clear lines have blurred to a point they were all one big messy ball of feelings and not three distinct things you could tell apart. Has sex turned your friendship with Sunghoon into something romantic? Or is that just an illusion, and being so intimate with your best friend has messed up your once platonic vision of him? But was your vision of him ever platonic?
Haven't the two of you always been teased about liking each other for a reason? After all, you and Sunghoon didn't grow up together, and heโs never felt like a brother to you. He has always been your male friend; youโve always been aware that he was your friend who was also a boy. When you'd moved in the house next to his, you hadnโt instantly clicked; it took a while for the ice skating prodigy to warm up to you, but his parents had warmly welcomed yours into the neighborhood and quickly became friends, so it was only a matter of time before heโd open up to the idea of you being around. Constantly.
Youโd walk to and from school together, do homework together, go on family trips together, cheer each other on at your respective competitions. After his ice skating lessons, when his coach let him have the whole place to himself for a bit more practice, heโd tie your ice skates for you and drag you onto the ice rink, holding you by the waist or shoulders as he skated backwards in front of you, but also laughing at you when you inevitably fell. Heโd tease you for getting second place at the science fair or for getting your arguments torn apart during Model United Nations, but the way heโd be a little nicer to you or share his food more often that week wouldnโt escape you.
Being a handsome young ice skater, Sunghoon had developed quite the loyal following of boys and girls alike who would come to see him at his competitions. He thrived off of the attention, but no matter how much he enjoyed his fansโ admiration, you were always the one heโd skate to after having won first place, hugging you tightly over the barrier separating the ice from the bleachers. Especially during your younger teen years, Sunghoon wasnโt one for skinship or PDA, so it always meant that much more to you that even after his most important wins, you were the first thing on his mind. It never failed to make your stomach flip, and all the death stares from his fans in the world couldnโt have changed a thing.
You were already close, but you became practically inseparable after Sunghoonโs injury. During the competition that would have gotten him a place at the Youth Winter Olympics had he won, his nerves got the best of him and he didnโt land his triple axel, hurting his ankle in the process. Ten years of dedication and hard work, ruined in mere seconds. To say that it destroyed him would be an understatement.
You were the one to bring him back up. You listened to him when he needed to vent, held him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, cheered him up when he needed to smile. He didnโt even need to tell you what he needed, you seemed to just know. You reminded him that he had a lot more value than his medals and trophies and that he didnโt need them to be complete. His family and friends tried their best to make him feel better, but their words never reached him quite like yours did.
Slowly but surely, his confidence came back. Heโd lost his fans, but heโd gained a friend he knew would always be there for him. His dimples would appear more often, his laugh would resonate louder. His injury had made the two of you grow closer, creating a bond that would only strengthen over time.
And yet there were moments when being friends wasnโt enough. When calling him your best friend didnโt feel right. You had other friends, friends you were close to; sure, maybe not as close as to Sunghoon, but close nonetheless. And you didnโt feel that way around them.
Their laugh didnโt make your heart skip a beat. You didnโt want to bury your face in their necks and breathe in their scent when they hugged you. You didnโt want to know every single detail of their day. And you surely didnโt feel a pang of jealousy in your chest when they danced with another girl at your school ball.
You also didnโt crave their lips on yours every single day since it had happened for the first time and didnโt want to see what they sounded or looked like while getting the life sucked out of them through their dick.
Everybody told you it was obvious you were โmore than friends.โ Why did romantic love have to be โmoreโ than platonic love? Why were there levels to it? You didnโt like the idea of taking your relationship with Sunghoon โone step furtherโ; that wasnโt the way it felt to you. Rather, it felt like having to change everything you knew and create something new. Something where you could see him laugh and tell him about your day, but where you could also kiss him and graze his skin with your fingertips. Something that only you could share with him and only he could share with you. But you were afraid the friendship would fall apart if things didn't work out. So, instead of taking the risk of changing everything, you made sure things would stay the same. Youโd tell the butterflies raging in your stomach to settle down and you wouldnโt let yourself fall into his touch in case itโd be like falling from the highest mountain.
That is, until he kissed you. Until this moment, right now, lying in his arms, ear right over his heart so you can hear it beat for you. You look up at him. His eyes are closed and a soft smile rests on his lips. He looks so peaceful. He always looks pleased when youโve just been together, but right now, he seems to be in such a serene state, it almost makes you laugh.
Now that youโve given in to your feelings, youโve realized just how strong they were this whole time. Nothing has ever felt better than being in Sunghoonโs arms, than being able to see him at his most vulnerable state and to give all of you to him. All those things you didnโt know about him just six weeks ago, you know them by heart now. Youโre sure thereโs other things to find out, and youโll make sure you will.
But summer wonโt last forever.
A wave of sadness slaps you right in the face, bringing you back to reality. Thereโll come a time where you and Sunghoon wonโt be able to lounge around all day or lazily make-out at your will. Youโll go your own ways and not see each other for months at a time. The thought of that is unbearable, and you feel like looking at Sunghoon for a second longer might rip your heart into a million pieces.
When you sit up, tearing yourself away from his grip, he immediately opens his eyes, asking whatโs wrong.
โJust need to go to the bathroom. I heard you can get STIs from not peeing after sex,โ you half-lie. He nods and falls back into the bed.ย
You rush to the toilet, needing to get far away from Sunghoon as quickly as possible. Even your pee smells different - guess thatโs what having a dick inside you will do to you. You wash your hands and look in the mirror: your skin is darker in some spots, surely Sunghoonโs work. So not only did he mess with your thoughts, he also had to make your body all weird, too?
You splash your face with cold water, hoping it will bring you back to your senses. You and Sunghoon have been best friends for years. Thereโs no point in changing all of that now, is there? Youโll be leaving soon enough, anyway. Why ruin a perfectly fine friendship for a summer fling?
Those are your thoughts as you head back to Sunghoonโs bedroom, ready to tell him that this whole thing was a mistake and you should just pretend it never happened. But your resolve crumbles at your feet as soon as you step inside the room.
Sunghoonโs got a couple of snacks ready as he browses through Netflix in search of an appropriate movie. โHow about Twilight?โ he says when he feels the bed dip under your weight next to him. He kisses your forehead and pulls you down on the bed with him so that youโre lying back against his chest.
Screw it, you think. Whatever this is, itโs much more than a summer fling.
--
The rest of the summer goes by in a flash. No, you donโt try to make Sunghoon jealous by flirting with Heeseung; if the mention of the latterโs name was enough to get your friend mad, then purposefully twirling your hair or batting your eyelashes at the older boy just might make Sunghoon white-boy-punch a hole into a wall. And itโs not like Heeseung would try coming onto you, either, with how clingy Sunghoon gets when heโs around, always an arm around your waist and a glare that could kill Heeseung.
Sunghoon gradually opens up to Heeseung being around, even though it takes you reminding him almost daily that heโs the one whose arms you wanna end up in over anybodyโs. After a couple weeks, Sunghoon stops looking like he's on the brink of starting a fight every time Heeseung so much as talks to you or hands you a glass of lemonade, and finally relaxes around him.
You spend countless sleepless nights with Sunghoon. Youโve probably memorized every single one of his moles by now, and youโve made sure to kiss all of them. He holds you against him like he might lose you at any given moment. The only nights you donโt fall asleep in each otherโs embrace are when either one of you is sleeping over at your friendโs house. On those nights, sleep always takes hours before washing over you, the lack of warmth keeping you awake.
Your friends and you spend entire days at the lake or by Sunghoonโs pool, not a care in the world. You rest your head on Sunghoonโs shoulder as you watch the fireworks Jake and Jay bought go off. Sunghoon grills your marshmallows for you, blowing on them so they cool down before handing you the stick. You try to ignore how the night air gets slightly chillier and how the sun sets slightly earlier, but by the last days of August, it becomes too noticeable. When September rolls around, youโre sure thereโs a small crack in your heart.
You know Sunghoon feels the end of summer too. His kisses are deeper and his lips linger over yours a second longer. He frowns when he kisses you and hugs you, like heโs trying to remember what it feels like. His usual playful demeanor when youโre in bed together is gone, instead seemingly hellbent on making you feel good and almost begging you to say his name. As if you could say any other name. As if you could say anything else.
Neither of you mention your departure until the night before you leave. After spending the evening with your friends, you lie together in bed, the side of your face resting against his chest so you can feel his heart against your ear. Heโs tracing patterns with his fingertips on your back, and it takes you a while to figure out heโs spelling his name over and over again, as if to etch it in your skin. When, once in a while, he takes his hand off of you to reach for his phone, you can still feel his fingers caressing you, ghostlike against your skin.
The air around you feels heavy, pressing the both of you down into the mattress. You wish the bed would eat you alive so you could stay there, warm against each other, as long as you like. You know you canโt leave without talking first, but the words wonโt come to you. Instead, they float around the bed, weighing your heart down into your stomach.
โSo,โ you start. You're unsure what to say, but you know this conversation has to happen, one way or another. In the end, you settle on, โExcited to leave?โ
Sunghoon scoffs lightly, his motions on your back coming to a stop. โNot really, no. Itโs not like Iโm leaving that far, and half of our school is going to our uni.โ
โMaybe, but thereโll be tons of other people. Tons of other girls, too,โ you add after a short pause.
โDonโt do this, Y/N, please.โ
You sit up at his words. He covers his eyes with his forearm and takes a deep breath in, sensing an incoming argument. โDo what?โ
โThis. Getting mad at me when I havenโt done anything.โ
โIโm not mad at you,โ you protest, frowning down at him.
โNo? Then whatโs this?โ he says, smoothing down the lines between your eyebrows and on your forehead with the pad of a finger.
โWhatever.โ You nudge your head away from his touch. It burns. โItโs not like Iโm wrong, anyway. Youโre gonna have a bunch of girls at your feet, and youโll know what to do with them, right? Now that youโre not a virgin?โ you question, avoiding his gaze.
โY/Nโฆโ he sighs, shutting his eyes tighter as if in pain.
โWhat? This was the whole reason why, right? Get experience with me so you could fuck girls better, no?โ
โY/N!โ he says, raising his voice enough to let you know heโs upset but not enough to scare you. He sits up, looking at you with hurt and disbelief in his eyes. โWhatโs this all of a sudden? Itโs not like I forced you into this! We agreed on it together!โ
โSo you agree? That this summer was just about getting experience and now youโll use it on other girls and pretend like we,โ you gesture between the two of you, โnever happened?โ
โWhat do you mean โagreeโ? I never said any of this! Donโt put words into my mouth!โ
He watches as you get up from the bed, arms crossed and pacing his room. He calls out to you a few times, but you donโt stop to look at him until he speaks your name with a sternness youโve never heard before from him. โWhat?โ you snap.
โI donโt get why youโre acting like this out of nowhere! We both knew summer was gonna end at some point, and why we were doing this! Why are you blaming me now?โ
โBecauseโฆ becauseโฆโ you sigh, scrambling for an excuse. Why were you doing this? The thought of Sunghoon doing what he did to you to another girl, making her feel as good as he had made you feel, kissing her like he had kissed you, made you sick. It made you see red, it made you want to make him wear a shirt with your face on it so everybody knew he was yours.
Sunghoon gets up and stands close in front of you, too close. You close your eyes. If you see his moles, you might reach out to touch them and let yourself fall even more. If you fall, youโll need to get up, but his scent makes your knees weak.
His hands find your face, holding a little too gently, you think. Your small ones wrap around his wrists and grip them, a little too harshly, he thinks.ย
You take a step back and finally look into his eyes. Thereโs hope in them; hope youโll say what he wants, what he needs to hear. That you want him like he wants you. That you wish summer wasnโt over. That youโll keep him in your heart until you can see him again. So, when what you say next is none of the above, he feels his heart sink down to his feet, leaving a murky puddle there.
โI canโt do this.โ
You rush out of the room, practically running home. You fight your tears back until you slam your bedroom behind you, pathetically sinking to the ground as you let out a loud sob. You don't have the energy to get up, and cry into your hoodie's sleeve right there on the floor.
When youโve calmed down a bit, you get up and lay in your bed, hiding your whole body underneath the covers. Maybe this is for the best, you think. If you end it like this, you wonโt have the knowledge of whether heโll wait to have you back or heโll move on like nothing happened. That way, you can do whatever you want, not caring about what heโs up to.ย
But even now, your hands subconsciously reach out towards a person thatโs not there and your feet hang over the edge of your bed as though to get up and run to him anytime. You curl in on yourself to stop your body from aching for him. It doesnโt work very well.
Sunghoon stays where you left him for a few minutes, too stunned to move. Should he run after you? Should he let you cool off for a bit and talk to you in the morning? Would you be mad at him if he didnโt try to see you now or would the mere sight of him just make you angrier? He plops down on his bed as these questions run through his mind, butting into each other and making everything more confusing.ย
He thinks back on everything that led to this, and his mind settles on that day a few days after graduation where his thoughts had dropped to the lowest pits of hell. If only you hadnโt brought those two damned lollipops.
--
The next morning, Sunghoon wakes up as if somebody had slapped him awake. He doesnโt bother to brush his teeth or eat anything before running over to your house, almost forgetting to put shoes on. He finds you in your room, packing the last of your things into an already full suitcase. He stands at your door, panting as his hands rest on his knees.
โYou havenโt left yet. Thank God.โ
โGod, Hoon. Itโs not that far between your house and mine. How are you so out of breath,โ you say, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.
He walks to you and kneels in front of you, taking you in his arms before you can say anything. โTalk to me, please. Donโt leave like this. Iโd never forgive myself if you left and you were mad at me, Y/N.โ
You thought youโd cried so much last night that there was not a single drop of water left in your body, but you thought wrong. Your eyes immediately well up at his words, and he leans back when he hears a soft sniffle escaping you. Only then does he notice how puffy your eyes from all your crying.
โNo, noโฆ Have you been crying? Iโm so sorry, pretty, please donโt cry,โ he pouts, pulling you back into his embrace. It hasnโt even been half a day, but you missed his warmth so much, it only makes you cry harder.
After sobbing against his chest, possibly staining his shirt in the process, you pull away and in your light-headed, dehydrated state, spill your heart out. โItโs so stupid,โ you sob. โWeโre not gonna see each other for months and Iโm gonna miss you so much and I donโt want you to be with other girls. I want you all to myself and I donโt want to be your friend that you fucked for a summer just so you could get experience, it was a stupid idea in the first place, if you wanted to kiss me, you shouldโve just kissed me. But you didnโt just kiss me and now Iโm scared that this all meant nothing to you but everything to me and that I donโt want to be friends anymore but you do and Iโm mad that it took me all summer to say this even though Iโve known it for years but I didnโt want to admit it to myself but also you didnโt say anything and Iโm mad about that too. Because thereโs no way you donโt feel like I do but maybe you actually donโt and-โ
Whatever you were about to say dies out against Sunghoonโs lips as he presses his lips to yours, interrupting your rambling. He pulls away, looking at you with a huge, stupid grin. Heโs so stupid, you think. I love him so much.
โFucking hell, Y/N. Iโve been waiting for you to say this so bad, you have no idea.โ
You punch his chest, frowning at him. Those stupid tears wonโt stop. Everything is so stupid. โThen why didnโt you say it first?โ
โBecause I didnโt know how to. You know Iโm bad with words. And I was scared itโd make things weird.โ
โI donโt want things to be weird,โ you pout.
โI donโt want things to be weird, either. I want things to be nice and happy.โ
You giggle. โThatโs so stupid.โ
โRight? Itโs so stupid,โ he repeats, kissing you again.
โYour breath smells,โ you complain when he pulls away.
โAnd you have tears on your lips. Tastes salty,โ he teases.
โYeah, thanks to who?โ
โSorry.โ He smiles and kisses you again. He holds you against him for a while, enjoying this last moment together. As long as he can see a smile on your face before you leave, heโll be fine.
โIโm gonna miss you so much too, Y/N. And forget about those non-existent girls. Thereโs no one Iโd rather be with than you.โ
โHow do you know? You havenโt met any of them yet,โ you say, voice muffled against his t-shirt.
โIโve met other girls before. None of them compare to you,โ he says, and you immediately gag at how clichรฉ it sounds. โWhat?! Itโs true,โ he giggles.
โYouโre not gonna go and date a random guy, are you?โ
โOf course not. None of them compare to you,โ you say, lowering your voice to imitate his.
He helps you finish packing, and when youโre done, you lay together on your bed, not saying much because not much needs to be said. Your parents struggle to tear you away from each other and from your bed when itโs time to leave. He helps your dad put your baggage in the trunk of his car, telling you to not lift a finger so you watch him go to and from the car, leaving a kiss on your forehead every time he walks past you. You notice with a smile that he doesnโt carry much at once, making him have to go back-and-forth quite often.
After saying goodbye to your family, your dad waits in the car as you and Sunghoon hang back awkwardly, kicking small pebbles on the pavement. He takes your hand in his, making you look up at him, then takes the other hand, then hugs you close to him.
โIโm gonna miss you,โ you say, as if that wasnโt obvious. Youโre trying hard to fight tears from falling again, but itโs like thereโs an ocean behind your eyes, water somehow never running out.ย
โI already miss you,โ he says, and thatโs enough to get you to sob again, which makes him start crying too. Youโre crying, heโs crying, your mom is crying from the porch as she watches the two of you, itโs a mess.
You force yourself away from him, cupping his face in your hands. โWeโll see each other soon, okay? And college will be fun. You wonโt even have time to miss me. But make time to think about me, yeah? And text me.โ
โI will. Iโll think about you all the time, I already do,โ he says.
โOkay,โ you whisper and hug him one last time, very briefly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Youโre about to walk away but he doesnโt let go of your hand and pulls on your arm to bring you back to him.
Pressing his forehead against yours, he whispers, โI love you,โ and you sob.
โI love you, too.โ
This time, when you walk away, he lets you go. He watches as you get into the passengerโs seat and as the car drives away, as it takes you away from him. You watch him stand there in the rearview mirror, until his silhouette becomes smaller, and smaller, and smaller, until you canโt see him at all anymore.
--
Summer went and fall came as they do every year. Dead leaves are falling but itโs a new start for you. Itโs a new town and you donโt know anybody, but you click instantly with your roommate and make new friends throughout your first week there. You realize everybodyโs in the same boat, and theyโre all eager to meet people and are curious about college life. You love your classes but complain about them nonetheless. You eat more ramen than youโd like to admit and turn up hungover at a 9 am class on a Thursday. You pull all-nighters at the library and develop a caffeine dependency. Youโre a college student.
You and Sunghoon were very dramatic when you left, you soon realize. You call almost everyday. Heโs not there with you and you miss him but at least you donโt have to pretend youโre not stupidly in love with him anymore. Because itโs stupid, being in love, it really is. You wouldnโt trade it for the world.
Your first semester passes by almost too quickly, and before you know it, youโre on the drive home, already one eighth of the way through university. Youโre excited to go home, but Sunghoonโs finals last a week longer so you wait around for him. When you complain about it, Chaeyoung tells you to get a grip. โYou havenโt seen him in three months, Iโm sure you can handle another week.โ
And you can, but barely. You were about to explode but then heโs back and youโre in his arms and his hair is still so soft, his scent is still so comforting and his moles are still there. You kiss them both before you finally press your lips to his, and it makes you feel so alive, you could die right then and there.
You lie on his bed and talk for hours as if you didnโt keep in touch the whole time and itโs like you never left. Itโs like summer never ended and youโve just been lying in his bed the whole time, college just one big fever dream.ย
But his skin doesnโt smell like chlorine anymore, and heโs not in his swimming trunks. Itโs fall, almost winter, and youโre kissing Park Sunghoon. You realize you can kiss him whatever the season and you find comfort in that. It was a big day (you cried a lot when you saw him) and youโre tired so you think youโll kiss for a bit and thatโll be all but then he whispers โI missed you so muchโ against your neck and a fire lights inside your stomach. Oh, how it burns. You think it might consume you whole, but you donโt dislike that idea.
In a flash, youโre on top of him, his shirt is off, your shirt is off, but itโs not enough so you take your pants off too and Sunghoon is confused as to why youโre going so fast, but follows you anyway. โWhatโs going on?โ he asks when youโre done with the taking off of your clothes and have moved on to kissing and biting at his neck like itโs your first meal in ages, because it is.
โI missed you too,โ you simply answer, and he smirks as he nods slowly, now understanding your eagerness.
โMissed me that much, huh?โ he teases, letting his head fall back against the pillow so you have better access to his neck.
โShut up. Kiss me,โ you order, and he doesnโt need to be told twice. Your kisses are ravenous and desperate, very fitting for two horny people in love who havenโt seen each other in months. But the pulse in your core makes you too impatient to stay anywhere for too long, and really, itโs not your fault if youโre grinding down onto Sunghoonโs clothed erection, itโs just that he smells too good and you missed him too much.
Sunghoon laughs at you for being so impatient to hide just how impatient he is. His giggles keep him from moaning loudly enough to wake the whole house, and you laugh as you tell him to stop laughing.
โIโm serious. I missed you so much. Need you so bad,โ you say as you get rid of your underwear and quickly do the same for his. He gasps when he feels you take his dick in your hand and brush its tip between your folds, both out of pleasure and out of surprise.
โShouldnโt I get you ready? Stretch you out a bit?โ he asks, his hands roaming up and down your back as he sits up on the bed so that youโre straddling his lap, and you shake your head no. Youโre probably already embarrassingly wet from your short makeout session, anyway.
โI donโt care if it hurts,โ you say, lining his tip with your entrance. โNeed to feel you.โ
You sink down on his cock, the both of you releasing loud moans at the long-awaited feeling. He lets you adjust to his size for a minute, but as soon as you move your hips just a bit, signaling to him that youโre ready for more, itโs over for you. He wanted to be patient and take his time, he really did, but you feel so warm around him and your small whimpers are so pretty that his resolve of letting you take the lead is thrown out the window. He pounds into you at a rapid pace that has you biting his shoulder to keep yourself from screaming.
You had imagined your first time back with Sunghoon so many times before. It usually involved a nice playlist in the background, fairy lights and candles lighting the room, hours of foreplay and sensual lovemaking, with a nice bath afterwards. Sometimes, when you were particularly needy for him, you imagined something closer to what was actually happening, where youโd rip each otherโs clothes as soon as you got to the bedroom and fucked like animals (a bit much, admittedly, but you really missed him).
What you definitely hadnโt expected, however, was that youโd both cum in less than five minutes. What could you do, though, when he was hitting your g-spot over and over again, his length stretching you perfectly as he whispered in your ear how much heโd missed you and how good you felt? And what could he do when you took him in so well, clinging onto him as you told him how much youโd missed him and how good he felt?
You finish at the same time, hole clenching around him and milking him dry. He doesnโt pull out for a while, letting you collapse onto him as you both catch your breaths, just like you had that first time. โThat was a bit quick,โ he pants, and you canโt help but laugh.ย
You pull back to look at his face. Itโs so pretty and stupid. What a stupid face that you love so much. Do you love it because itโs stupid or is it stupid because you love it? You think that thatโs a stupid question, and you kiss the mole on his nose, then the mole on his cheek, right next to his nose.
โWe have all night to go slower.โ
โWe have all Christmas break,โ he corrects.
We have the rest of our lives, you think, and you think that might be a bit much, but you say it anyway. Sunghoon hums and says, โyes, we do,โ and you think maybe itโs not all that stupid.
Maybe itโs the greatest thing thatโs ever been.
ยฉ asahicore on Tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works. support your creators by reblogging and leaving feedback!
permanent taglist: @zreamy @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl @raikea10 @wntrnghts @moonlighthoon @4imhry @rikisly @loves0ft @iamliacamila @theboingsuckerasseater9000 @chaechae-23 @baekyuns-lipchain @hyuckslvr @vernonburger @amorbonbon @fluerz (ask to be removed/added!)
4K notes
ยท
View notes
GOJO SATORU: โโ IS IT OVER NOW? (IT ISN'T) โโ
.เณเฟ streamer!au: all good things come to an end, including your relationshipโbut don't worry, broken hearts can be mended, but only if you're both willing to try.
contents: fem!reader. you two break up and make up! you guys fight/break up over something that coulda been resolved with better communication. kinda suggestive ending, maybe i'll drop a part two if this does alright. satoru announces your break-up on his stream. longest fic i've posted so far, 4k words (kms).
author's note: the long awaited angst has finally arrived.. big thank you to @screampied for beta-reading!! tagging @yunymphs who read it early and @sutorus + @kentopedia who i both miss very much!!
ever since you first joined satoru on his stream, itโs gotten way more popular than either of you couldโve ever expected. before he brought you onto his live, he was averaging about eight thousand views per stream. now, his average was well over fifteen thousandโand that wasn't even including the publicity he got from other websites. when satoru accidentally left the camera on while you two made out, you two went viral on twitter. and when another user tried to swipe him away, the clip got over a hundred thousand views on youtube.
at first, satoru didn't mind the change his stream was going throughโin fact, he welcomed it. but lately, things have beenโฆ different.
last week, while satoru was playing in some competition, he won first out of hundreds of equally proficient players. had it been anyone else, their comments would've been filled with congratulations and good job's, but in his case, all satoru got were messages asking where you were. that wasnโt the first timeโever since that very first day, when you showed up on his stream, satoruโs audience has entirely shifted. and honestly, if you were in his position, you'd be a bit annoyed. anyone would be.ย
but you had never expected that it would be so big of a deal that you and satoruโthe "cutest couple on the internet"โwould break up over it.
you walk along the chilly, suburban sidewalk up to your boyfriendโs house. satoru had just sent you a message asking if you could come over, and like always, you answered with an immediate yes. a flock of crows fly by, raven feathers providing a stark contrast between them and the pale gray sky around you. itโs gray and gloomy, but not unpleasant.ย
a sweet, romantic song plays in your ears as you knock three times on satoruโs front door. his familiar voice calls out โcoming!โ, and you can hear his footsteps grow louder and louder until he swings open the door. satoru smiles down at you, cheeks already rosy from the cold winter air. โhey.โ
you tilt your head and smile back at him. โthatโs all i get? hey?โ you huff, walking into his living room behind him as the door closes behind you. โdโyou have any hot chocolate? iโm freezing,โ you say, licking your lips. satoru turns and pauses, an unreadable expression on his face. โsatoru?โ
after a moment, your boyfriend snaps out of it. โoh, yeah, sorry,โ he says ruefully. satoru rubs his eyes with one hand and uses the other to open the door to his bedroom, and as you follow him in, youโre hit with a blast of warm air. โiโm just kinda tired, but yeah, i have some hot cocoa in here. cโmon.โ
โanything i can do for you?โ you offer, sitting down on the corner of his bed. youโve been to his house so many times that it feels like homeโmaybe even more so than your own place. everything about satoruโs room is comfortable, from his plush chairs to the faux-fur blankets draped over every single piece of his furniture. you could probably fall over at any given point and it wouldnโt actually hurtโyouโd just land on something soft and/or fluffy.
but that wasnโt all that made you so in love with his home. it was just the way it feltโwords couldnโt describe the way everything was just so right and just so perfect, and you really did hope that youโd never have to see a time where you wouldnโt be able to spend time with your boyfriend here.
it really is a shame that all good things had to come to an end. at least, thatโs what you kept telling yourself as satoru finally told you why he called you over. unlike nearly every other time, it wasnโt because he missed you or wanted to cuddleโit was quite the opposite, really.
โi donโt think this is working.โ
six words that shattered the life you had come to know and love.
โis this a joke?โ you try, an unnerved smile spreading across your lips against your will. he doesnโt reply instantly, which is so out-of-character for him that it makes you stiffen up. โsatoru, this isnโt funnyโโ
โiโm not kidding,โ satoru murmurs, looking away. he refuses to meet your eyes, and some part of you is still desperately trying to find reason in the chaos thatโs slowly taking over your mind. how could it be that everything was just fine two minutes ago and now itโs anything but that? did something happen? did you say the wrong thing? did youโ
โitโs not funny,โ you insist, still somehow clinging onto your slowly-dwindling hope. maybe youโre in denial, but still, you were sure that everything was fineโno, that everything is fine. there was no past-tense, right? how could the glass home youโd built with your bare hands just crash down at the throw of a pebble?
satoru finally meets your eyes, and your breath catches in your throat. thereโs no amused glimmer in his eyes, no โjust kiddingโ in sight, and even worse, you canโt even see an ounce of the love or adoration youโd come to grow so attached to in just a couple months.
โwhat happened?โ you whisper, miraculously managing to keep yourself together. youโd never forgive yourself if you just started crying over a breakup you werenโt even sure was happeningโwhat littleโs left of your pride is holding on. you allow yourself to wrap your arms around your chest, curling into your own embrace.ย
satoru doesnโt reply for a long second. right when youโre sure he just wonโt reply, he does, and it all comes spilling out in a messy stream of words. โitโs justโฆ i canโt do this anymore. i canโt keep going online and seeing everyone on my stream talking about you. i love you, i really do, but itโs justโโ satoru shakes his head frustratedly. โi donโt know how to say it, but you know what i mean, right?โ
your eyebrows furrow and you shake your head. โyouโre breaking up with me because youโre tired of seeing me?โ
โno, fuck,โ satoru groans, running a hand through his hair. his previously cool and collected demeanor starts to fall apart as he takes a step back. โi donโt know how to explain it, butโ shit, you wouldnโt understand.โ
you swallow and start to stand up, still willing to try. โthen help me understand, satoru, iโโ
โyouโve seen the comments, and youโve seen all the posts on twitter,โ satoru says, tilting his head back and glaring at the ceiling. โitโs not your fault, but i really just canโt stand everyone disregarding me and turning my own stream into a youtube channel starring you.โ
his words sting like alcohol in an open wound, and you fight the battle of your life to prevent the thousands of tears hiding behind your eyes from being visible. even so, your voice wobbles ever so slightly as you say โthatโs a bullshit reason to break up, satoruโโ
your boyfriendโis he even still your boyfriend?โscoffs and shakes his head, stumbling back and falling into his chair. "for you, it isn't. you wouldnโt understand. for me, it's like everyone's just... invalidating the three years i've spent on this shit. and i can't do it anymore, i just can't."
you blink slowly, backing away towards his bedroom door. "what does that mean?"
satoru exhales a bitter laugh and turns away, the back of his chair facing you. you think you can hear him take a soft, shaky breath as the room falls silent. neither of you make a sound before satoru turns back toward you, a blank look on his face.
he looks up at you, azure eyes devoid of the sparkle you've become so familiar with. satoru smiles sadly, but to your dismay, there's no real emotion behind it. it's almost like he's already accepted it when he says, "it means weโ" he pauses and looks away. "this is over."
you reach out toward him, desperate to hold on to himโto the invisible string that ties you and satoru together, but he's just out of your grasp. "satoru, it isn't even that big of a deal, why are youโ"
satoru turns and fixes you with a stern glare, and just like that, the string that kept you and satoru together for months, maybe years snaps, and you're left with a limp strand of what it once was. taking the hint, you walk out of his room in a daze, hardly noticing the way he says "i'm sorry".
and the worst part? he said he still loved you. but apparently that wasnโt enough.
satoru has every right to be annoyed that his stream is only growing because of youโhis stream was the way he made money, and after all, it was never meant to be about you.ย
and maybe he was never meant to be for you either.
the walk home is cold and lonely. you slip a hand into your pocketโthe pocket of satoru's hoodie, which you should probably return to himโand extract your earphones. it probably isn't a good idea to wear both outside as you walk home, but you do it anywayโthis day can't possibly get any worse.
a soft voice murmurs words of sorrow and encouragement in your ear as the music takes you to another world. maybe thisโthe breakupโwas meant to happen. maybe it was a mistake to date a boy with thousands of fans.
as soon as you get home, your phone dings softly. you pick it up and frown when you see it's from toru. you'd have to change that name later.
toru: idk if u blocked me already but i still have a lot of ur things, do u wanna come pick them up later?
toru: or i can drop them off tmrw ig
you miss the way he used to text youโwith an obnoxious amount of exclamation points and an even worse amount of emojis. now, it's like all of the flavor's gone from his words, and it hurts. that's when it actually settles in, that this is really over. it hurts like an icicle being driven straight through your heart, and it stings like one, too.
satoru's texts are left on delivered for five whole minutes before you reply, and it's only with an "i'll come by tmrw". he likes the message less than a minute later, and you're left to wallow in your misery alone until you finally drift off to sleep.
the next morning, you open your phone to a notification alerting you that satoruโll be live on stream in ten minutes. curiosity kills the cat, but in this case, maybe itโd be worth it to see what he tells his viewers about your breakup. after all, thereโs no way he wouldnโt tell themโhe always had something to say about you, and heโd probably rather tell them for sure rather than let them come up with ridiculous theories on their own.
so you hastily make a new account using some email account you havenโt touched since middle school, trying a couple different passwords until you remember the one that works. the website hits you with a hundred questions, asking you about your favorite games and whoโd you like to subscribe to first. you choose satoru, albeit after a second of hesitation. two minutes later, sparklingzebra672 joins your ex-boyfriendโs stream. you wait a second, holding your breath as the live loads. a brief moment later, satoruโs painfully familiar face appears on your screen.
โhey guys,โ satoru says, forcing a smile on his face. even from behind a screen, you swear you can feel his eyes on you. โhowโs everyone today?โย
the already unstable smile on satoruโs face falls when he opens the comments and gets greeted with a flurry of whereโs your girlfriendโs. had you been anyone else, you probably wouldnโt have noticed the way satoruโs eyes dulled ever so slightly or the way he curled into himself, but being the girl who once knew him best, you could tell.
โoh, she wonโt be back on here forโฆ a while,โ satoru starts, dancing around the topic. he leans back against his chair and tilts his chin up, azure eyes focused on the ceiling. โwe broke up.โ
nothing couldโve prepared you for the way satoruโs comments explode. itโs almost like you can hear the shocked gasps coming from all fourteenโno, twenty thousand viewers as the words nobody thought would ever theyโd hear from satoru are spoken.
suguru-geto: holy shit im so sorryย
toji-fushiguro: wait wtf r u kidding?? that's fuckin crazy
yuuji-itadori: omg i thought u guys were together forever :(
inumaki: chat is this real??
satoru shrugs, averting his eyes from the hundreds of comments pouring in, but you scroll through and read them all. everyone, even satoruโs haters, seems genuinely shocked. in fact, had this not been your own breakup, you wouldโve been one of them, begging and pleading satoru for more details.
โyeah, we did,โ satoru murmurs, eyebrows furrowing just enough for you to read his expression. now that youโre looking closer, you can see the subtle redness underneath his eyesโhad he been crying too? and maybe youโre imagining it, but his hair seems a bit dishelved too. your ex-boyfriend shrugs, forcing his face back into his usual lighthearted expression, but itโs not fooling anyone.
satoru scowls at the new flood of comments asking him why you two broke up. some people are already hypothesizingโmaybe itโs because you got jealous of his fame, or maybe he got sick of you. maybe you left him to go date some other streamer, or maybeโ
โiโm actually gonna end the stream here, โcause i donโt really want to deal with all of this right now,โ satoru says with a frown. his eyes are narrowed irritably as a couple users protest, still begging for more details. โyou guys know that iโm a real person with my own life, right? fuck off.โ
and just like that, the stream ends. youโre left with a blank screen and a message saying that satoruโs ended the live, so you shut your laptop. your stomach turns as you groan, just remembering that you have to go over to his place later to retrieve your things, and somehow, youโd have to pretend that you didnโt just stalk his stream to see if heโd say anything substantial about the breakup.
a couple minutes after the stream ends, your phone blows upโevery mutual friend you and satoru have is messaging you about what he said, but you canโt bring yourself to open any of them. except for one.
suguru: r u ok?
you: yeah ig
suguru: do u want anything?
satoruโs best friendโs question catches you off-guardโthere are a lot of things you want. you want this whole situation to go away. you want the world to disappear. and most of all, you want satoru back, without the online world attached.
but suguru canโt do any of those things, can he? so you leave him on read.ย
somehow, you fall back asleep, tossing and turning in your bed without satoruโs steady arms to accompany you. a couple hours later, you wake up again, wincing from the dim sunlight that pours through your windows and directly into your eyes. itโs just past five, so you figure that you might as well go down to satoruโs house and get your things. better to do it now than drag it out for an uncertain amount of time.
the walk is shorter than you remember, but maybe itโs just the absence of music pouring into your ears that makes it seem that way. you watch the wilted autumn leaves flutter in the wind, falling down onto the sidewalk like pieces into place. once upon a time, you had walked these very streets with satoruโitโs a fond memory you remember only all too well.
when you finally step onto your exโs doorstep, the door opens before you even have a chance to knock. and there he isโthe boy whoโd once been the love of your life. satoru looks down at you with an unreadable expression. โhey.โ
you think youโve seem this film before, and you didnโt like the ending.
satoru spares you from having to reply by opening the door wider and beckoning you inside. โi already put most of your stuff into a couple boxes, but i thought youโd wanna check on your own. just in case i forgot something.โ
you nod and walk past him, not trusting your voice to be steady. this was harder than you expectedโmuch harder. in fact, youโre practically on the verge of breaking down when you step into satoruโs room and look around and see just how different it looks without the touches of you everywhere.
the fortnite poster youโd given him as a joke for the second anniversary of his stream was gone from his wall, and so were the two mini succulents that used to sit on the corner of his desk. the white cat plushie that used to rest on his pillow was gone, tooโprobably stuffed somewhere in one of the boxes outside his bedroom door.
after nearly a minute of looking around, you decide that whatever satoru possibly couldโve missed wasnโt important enough for you to have to stick around any longer.
you turn and start to exit satoruโs room so fast that you nearly crash into him when he suddenly appears in the doorway. โshit, sorry about that,โ you mumble, trying to walk around him. but of course, because the universe is actually praying on your downfall, you and satoru both walk the same way at the same time. you awkwardly try to go around each other, and eventually, the humiliation is over.
โso, you got everything?โ satoru asks, walking beside you with his hands in his pockets. you nod, bending over to pick up one of the two boxes. itโs pretty heavy, but not unmanangable. you just donโt really seem to know if youโll be able to carry both back home at once.ย
โoh, uh, iโll be right back,โ you say tentatively. a flash of confusion appears in satoruโs eyes, so you clarify, โiโm gonna go grab my car. thatโll make it easier.โ
satoruโs eyebrows furrow and he shakes his head. โno, itโs alright. your place isnโt far from here at all, iโll just take the other and walk back with you.โ
โno, really, itโs alright.โ
โitโs the easiest option, baโโ satoru cuts himself off, stopping himself from calling you baby for the first time since you two had started dating. โsorry.โ
โletโs just go.โ
the walk back to your house is brutal. you walk side by side with satoru since the path is wide enough for you to do so, and you two just keep bumping into each other. had you still been dating, satoru probably wouldโve dropped the box and scooped you up instead, kissing your cold face to warm it up. of course, that wouldโve added five minutes to your walk, but it wouldโve been better than the tense silence dividing you and satoru right now.ย
the wind whistles around you, brushing at your skin and making you shiver with every gustโthereโs nothing more youโd like than to go home, plop on your couch and cry while watching the titanic for the hundredth time.ย
after what seems like three hundred awkward hours later, you and satoru finally make it to your house. โthanks,โ you say quietly, setting down your box in front of the door.ย
satoru places his next to yours and slips his hands back into his pockets. he nods and replies, โno problem,โ but still doesnโt leave.
you cross your arms, and tilt your head, meeting his eyes hesitantly. โumm, do you need anything else?โ
satoru coughs tensely and shrugs. โoh, uh, not really, justโโ his eyes drift down to your top, and your face grows warm when you realize youโre still wearing his hoodie.ย
โshit, my bad,โ you mumble, internally cringing and resisting the urge to say every curse word you know. could this day really get any worse?
well, at least satoru looks equally as embarrassed. he shakes his head and gestures for you to keep it on. โitโs fine, itโs kinda cold anyways. keep it.โ satoru hesitates, shuffling his feet before continuing, โif you want somethingโฆ to remember me by.โ
what you say next was done entirely against your will. โdo you still love me?โ you ask suddenly, not sure what otherworldly force prompted you to do so. you instantly regret it when satoruโs face goes even redder, and you can tell itโs not from the cold the way his blush spreads to his ears.
โiโ uh, i meanโโ
โanswer me, satoru, i think i have a right to know.โ
he looks away and mumbles something about needing to go back home, to feed his fish or something (he doesnโt have a fish), and you grab his hand just as he starts to turn away. โplease, satoru, i need to know,โ you breathe, squeezing his hand harder when he flinches.ย
ten silent seconds tick by, but you still donโt let go. so satoru sighs, a soft white puff of air coming from his lips. โyeah.โ
your heart breaks again.
โthen why did youโโ
โbecause i donโt know how to do this,โ satoru says, blue eyes darting all over the place. โi love you, i really do, but i just canโtโ i donโt like having thousands of people thinking that iโm only worth looking at if iโm with you, itโs annoying and it pisses me off and i donโt want to accidentally take it out on yoโโ
you cut him off with a kiss, ignoring the way he yelps a little in surprise. but thankfully, he doesnโt push you awayโinstead, his arms instantly wrap around you and pull you closer into his warm, warm chest. satoruโs lips are a little dry, but still minty as ever from the peppermints heโs constantly munching on. he kisses you back like a man starved of affection, and when you two finally break apart, his eyes are just as hungry.
โyou idiot,โ you whisper, trailing your fingers through his hair as tears prick at the corner of your eyes. โyou shoulda just talked to me about it first.โ
โi know,โ satoru mumbles, looking down bashfully. โโm sorry.โ
โyou should be.โ you pause, watching satoruโs lips curve into a pouty frown. โiโm sorry too,โ you murmur, and he looks up, confused. โi shouldโve seen this coming.โ
satoru shakes his head and presses his lips to your forehead, lingering for a couple seconds before pulling back. โi missed you.โ
โi was gone for less than a day, satoru.โ
โoh, so you didnโt miss me?โ
โi did,โ you admit, exhaling a puff of air when satoru smiles smugly. โshut up, itโs not a competition!โ
โyeah it is, but fine, you win,โ satoru gives in with a dramatic sigh, reaching down and twining his fingers with yours. his hands, which are significantly bigger than yours, instantly warm you up. โbut only โcause i donโt want you to break up with me next.โ
โi hate you, yโknow that?โ you grumble, leaning into his side and letting satoru kiss the top of your head. he hums in agreement, reaching out and opening your front door.ย
โiโm sure you do, baby. now cโmon, letโs get inside nโ warm up. i wanna make it up to you,โ satoru says with a grin, bending over and scooping up both boxes.ย
โoh, yeah? how do you plan to do that?โ you challenge, going inside first and holding the door open for satoru. once heโs inside, you close the door and instantly get pinned against it by satoru, whose hands are already creeping underneath your clothes. โsatoru, your hands are colโโ
he cuts you off by pressing his equally cold lips to yours, smiling against your mouth as he tugs at your clothes. โi know, baby. but iโll keep you nice nโ warm for the rest of the night, i promise!โ
6K notes
ยท
View notes
A Question Unasked
Written with season 1 Spencer in mind
Summary: In which your ambitious, workaholic nature makes Spencer wonder if you've got a crush on Hotch. This slight hitch in his plan causes him to miss a few signs.
[A/N]: Can be seen as a filler from Spencer's perspective of certain scenarios from "Mixed Messages" and a prequel to "As Cool As I Think I Am", but can also just be a standalone
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem! (mentored by Hotch!) reader | cw: slight spoilers for s1e04, allusion to inappropriate workplace dynamics (it's not true, relax lol), slight description of canon-typical violence, mildly inaccurate timeframe | word count: 4k
Spencer looks up from his endless stacks of files on his desk to look at the girl on the other side of his desk. Only a single carpeted walkway really separating them.
He could easily just get up and walk right to her. Ask the burning question that's been on his mind since the Arizona case, but he can't.
Why is that?
He's been your friend for a while, and he's known you for a while longer.
With his eidetic memory, he remembers so clearly when you first started working together. He remembers your starched blazer and pressed blouse, a stark contrast to his swimming-in-sweaters look, and how that alone let anyone know that you were serious about uniform and protocol.
You were, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen, and a fresh graduate just like him.
You were smart, beautiful, and started working at the BAU as early as he did.
And because you were new and young, one of the senior agents had been assigned to supervise your progress. So much like how he was mentored by Gideon, you had been mentored by the unit chief himself; Aaron Hotchner.
He'd like to think that he learned a lot from Gideon. He wasn't the type to hold his hand throughout a case, which he is thankful for, but he had been there to encourage him to think more outside the box. To let his mind be more flexible and creative. To see things from every conceivable angle. Leaving no stone unturned.
He supposed you learned a lot from Hotch as well. With your calm exterior, polite demeanor, and calculating mind that occasionally colored your less polite vocabulary-- He didn't know what Aaron must've been like in his junior years, but he supposed that having you as his colleague was essentially the same experience.
What he does know, however, is how close you are to your boss. Or is it your work?
Either way, you being glued to your work almost always meant that you were glued to him by proxy. You two being the first ones in and the last ones out showed that you spent three-percent more of your time with each other than the rest of the team, and two-percent more than with him.
Granted that had changed as of late, but still!
That didn't leave him a lot of time to ask you if---
"Dr. Reid, if you keep staring at me, I don't think you'll be able to finish your action reports on time." You had said without lifting your eyes from your folder.
Having been caught, he cleared his throat with a small 'sorry,' and directed his head back down to his still endless stack of files. The action earning a couple of chuckles from the bullpen where the rest of your colleagues had certainly seen, or at least heard, the exchange.
Not long after however, he saw Hotch from the corner of his eye lean over the railing outside his office. Calling for you both to meet him inside with his usual stern expression.
Spencer noticed how you got up, eyes still zeroed in on one of your files, and continued on your way up and into the unit chief's open door.
A clear sign that you had been invited there often enough that you didn't need to see where you were going.
You expected it.
He sighs and makes his way into the office as well. Dreading what the meeting could even be for, though he's confident he hasn't done anything wrong.
***
"As you might have noticed in our previous cases, I've paired you two to work on the more analytical aspects of it together. With these changes, we've been able to work twice as fast, and weโre thankful for the help."
Whatever Spencer had been expecting, it was not this. His raised eyebrows evidently agreed with him.
It wasn't everyday that Hotch complimented someone like this, much less in the proper environment. And if your respectful posture, but shining eyes in slight pride were anything to go off of, this was something new for you too.
As he was about to voice his thoughts, you had spoken up.
"Sir, Dr. Reid's knowledge in a wide array of subjects has certainly helped with our investigations. Though I'm afraid I haven't done much aside from ensuring it's accuracy and-"
"No! I mean--," He looked to see you already looking at him in slight confusion before continuing.
"She's been a huge help so far and has allowed me to exchange ideas with her to build a more accurate profile. Not to mention that her ability to mediate between departments has been beneficial to gaining access to pertinent information! So I think she's done plenty for the investigations as well." His voice dwindles as he realizes he's rambling on praises and he suddenly feels warm under the scrutiny of both his boss and his colleague.
He just didn't want anyone thinking you weren't doing anything by being humble. Especially since you're both so young.
Thankfully, it's Hotch who speaks up again after a beat.
"So what I'm hearing is that you're both satisfied with this arrangement?"
You both nod carefully and he smiles a small smile at that.
"Then we'll be carrying on with this pairing into the foreseeable future. Should there be any concerns about this arrangement, see to it that it goes through me. We can't afford to lose either of you." He says it with a finality that prompts both Spencer and you to leave with a nod, but the thought is instantly corrected when he speaks again.
"Oh and agent?" He looks only at you, but Spencer looks back as well out of instinct. "A private word, if you please."
Spencer sees you nod without a second thought and he takes it as his cue to hurriedly leave.
***
It hasn't been that long, Spencer argues with himself, since he left the unit chief's office. The blinds aren't drawn, he would know since he'd been looking at them periodically, so he also knows that nothing untoward is happening.
Yet something is bothering him about it.
From his position on his desk, he can see you and Hotch discussing something on his table very seriously, but he also sees how your eyes rarely leave the face of your superior. He can't quite see your expression due to the distance and the light, but he has this sinking feeling that it's a lot like the one from earlier.
He scoffs at the thought. If he wasn't thinking so rationally, he would've thought-
"Does she like Hotch?"
"Who likes Hotch?"
The new voice makes him whip his head back so fast to see Morgan with a confused face. Upon further examination, he sees him holding something that was definitely supposed to be flicked at him if he hadn't been caught so off guard.
He internally debates to voice his opinion, but he does anyway.
"Do you think that she likes Hotch?" He gestures with his eyes to their supervisor's office.
"You're asking me if I think 'little miss perfect' has a crush on a man that's hitched?" Derek echoes back with the use of your nickname. One that he coined as a playful jab at your no-frills behavior.
Spencer cringes when he hears it back though. He didn't ask this to get you in trouble, but it might come across that way now.
"Who has a crush on married man?" Elle joins in, and he only shrinks into his seat more.
"I'm not asking if she has a crush on him! I just want to know if she might like him and--what it is that she likes about him..."
The two exchange looks before looking back at him. Fully knowing that that's not the reason why he's asking, but they humor him anyway.
"Reid, what makes you think she likes him and not literally anyone else?"
"Well. there's her preference for prolonged eye-contact, a common indicator of interest for one. Her being in constant proximity to him, a sign that shows comfort in certain contexts, and then there's the amount of time they spend together."
The last one might be a bit of a reach, considering how you all work in the same area, but at this point he just wanted someone to tell him that he was either absolutely right, or crazy.
"Kid, that's crazy."
Duly noted.
"I'll say.โ Elle chuckles out her response. โI haven't thought about it all, but those signs don't really mean anything. It just sounds like she has a habit of looking at whoever's talking to her." She notes, sharing her experience of being on the receiving end of your rather intense gaze.
His other friend adds onto that.
"And the whole closeness thing? You've seen her, she's like a computer with the way she works. She's a workaholic. And Hotch is another. It's just math, Reid."
Spencer furrows his eyes at the man's statement but before he can ask further, he sees you coming out of the office and staring at the small crowd that has now formed at his desk.
"Is something going on here?" You ask with tense brows. Eyes flickering to and fro.
He couldn't really think of something on the spot, but thankfully Derek had one at the ready. "Was just caught trying add my stack on to pretty boy's plate."
He sees you let out a small 'hm,' and you eventually turn your back to them to reach your desk.
He sighs in relief as he feels a firm pat on his back from Morgan.
"Next time, try looking at what she does when you're the one talking." He says before leaving to go to his own desk as well.
Spencer doesn't know what good that would do, especially now that he's worried one of his colleagues have caught wind of him liking you, but he at least takes note of it.
--------
He does not, in fact, take note of it until very later.
The team had been called to San Diego to deal with someone they had been calling, "The Tommy Killer." An unsub that had a preference for gluing his victims' eyes open.
As they were reviewing the scene in the jet, they had noticed a few stanzas of a literary work had been left behind at the scene.
"It's a ballad from the late 1600s. A Dialogue Betwixt Death and a Lady." Spencer had mentioned from where he stood.
"A 17th Century ballad?" Morgan had asked him incredulously from his seat, but itโs you who answers.
"One where a woman tries to bribe Death with all that she has in exchange for a little more time to live. Naturally, he doesn't allow it. Claiming that she was undeserving of an exception that even kings were denied of."
Spencer looks up from his own copy to see you still looking at your own from beside Hotch. With your brows furrowing in thought, he almost sees the actual gears in your brain turning.
"So what, are we looking at a literature professor of some kind?" Elle asks which immediately perks him right up.
"Well, actually anyone with access to the internet today. You should see what comes up when you type in the word, "Death" into a search engine." He laughed absentmindedly.
"Reid, no wonder you can't get a date."
Morgan's words made him frown, but he brushes it off.
Hotch, as previously discussed, then called on for the both of you to look deeper into the messages. To see if there was anything new that could be inferred.
He nods at him, and looks up. Expecting you to still be looking at Hotch as well.
Instead, your eyes meet his, but you quickly look back onto your file.
Reid thinks it's just a coincidence.
***
"Creepy, huh?" JJ had asked you two as she approached where transcripts of the written messages were tacked onto a board.
Spencer had been focusing so hard that he was caught off gaurd by her sudden appearance. Fully expecting the area to just be for you and him so he told her what first came to mind.
"Actually, conversations between Death and his victims was a fairly popular literary and artistic theme throughout the Renaissance."
Though perhaps the delivery wasn't as as good as he thought it was as JJ only stared back at him with an unreadable expression.
He thought it was interesting, really, but he supposed his slight stutter and breathy laugh at the end must have distracted her from his point.
He turned to look at you for help, but you too had been focusing on the messages and wouldn't be available to do that. So he just agreed with JJโs sentiment, which seemed to be enough for her to leave.
He sighed out in relief.
"The lady never answers. Have you noticed it yet, Dr. Reid?" You turn to him as you ask.
He immediately refocuses on to the case and tries his best to reply after his prior blunder. "Oh uh-- Right, the dialogue in the ballad seems to be fractured. Well, it's more of a monologue than a dialogue seeing that there is no exchange of information."
A small smile graces your lips at that, and you gesture with a nod to go report your findings.
"So it is. Let's get going."
He follows you to where Hotch and Elle were discussing the sexual aspect of the crime and sees you take your place next to your mentor. The same position you were in when he was blowing out his birthday candles, as he also inserts himself into the discussion.
"Sir, we believe what the unsub has written at the scenes are most of the first three verses of the same ballad." You deliver, prompting your mentor to raise his brow at that.
"Most of?"
"Yeah, it's only one side of the conversation." Spencer adds. "There's no betwixt." He takes pride in your shared effort, which makes itself known by the smile that adorns his face.
Unfortunately, his satisfaction, isn't met with a positive reaction either as he sees Elle desperately trying not to make eye-contact, and your supervisor staring at him very pointedly.
He's thankful though at the little chuckle that you quickly try to hide behind a cough and a cover of your mouth to appear more professional. Quickly looking down at the ground.
He's happy that at least someone thought his joke was well-placed.
He continues to explain your theory about how the Lady in the narrative never answers, and that's enough for both Hotch and Elle to at least think about it.
Their attention is quickly stolen away however at an incoming call about a failed attempt nearby the precinct.
Quickly excusing themselves to get onto the scene as soon as possible, you see them call Gideon on their way out. Watching them as they leave the department doors.
But Spencer keeps his eyes on you as the thought just dawns on him.
You were the first one on the team to laugh at his jokes.
***
The more cases he works for the BAU, the more he realizes how much of his work isn't theoretical anymore. He feels it in the weariness in his eyes, the weight on his chest, and the shake of his hands.
Or maybe the shake is from the cold.
After all, he had dressed for the warm, California air. So now that he was in the cool, air-conditioned jet, he was seriously regretting not packing a sweater, at the very least.
He makes his way to the back of the aircraft after another successful investigation, and that's where sees you.
You had opted to shed your typically structured blazer on the seat beside you, leaving you in a softer blouse, both in color and form, that made everyone around you know that you were officially off duty.
It's a nice look on you, he thinks. A slight departure from your usually stern and hardened exterior. He wouldn't mind seeing a more relaxed version of you every once in a while.
A version of you that looked more your age and not constantly under the pressure of doing well.
He momentarily wonders if that's part of your mentor's influence as well.
He freezes a bit, as if catching himself in some depraved daydream, and takes a few steps back to return to the more vacant areas of the craft.
Before he can get any further though, you see him and beckon for him to come over with a tired wave of your hand.
"How's the flight treating you, Dr. Reid?" You ask, drowsiness lacing your tone as he sits on the seat opposite of you.
"Oh, it's the same as always, I guess. A little colder than usual, but that's to be expected. By the way, weโre actually lucky that we haven't experienced some semblance of turbulence yet on our flights, considering that the likelihood of it has increased by seventeen-percent in the last decade."
You laugh at that. "You really know just what to say, huh?"
He doesn't see it as funny as you do, so it seems. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you or--"
"There's no need to apologize, sir. I find everything you have to say interesting, whether you mean it to or not."
He stays silent at that, suddenly nervous, and tries to make himself comfortable. He does so in the hopes that he can finally steel himself to ask you that question.
He talked to Elle earlier when they were waiting for the unsub's call. Asked her if she thought it was weird that he knew what he knew, and if it had anything to do with his inability to get a date. She had reasoned with him that it was because he didn't ask, but it couldn't be that simple, could it?
He mulls it over in his head before sighing. Opting to give up and just wait for a more opportune time.
Besides, juryโs still out that you could very well be pining over his boss.
The action, however, seems to remind you of something.
"Before I forget," You look into your baggage, rummaging around before finally finding what it was you were looking for.
You ask him to close his eyes, which he obediently does, and you place a thick rectangular box into his awaiting lap.
The sudden shift in weight causes his eyes to open, and he is certainly surprised to see what was on there.
"What is this?"
"It's your birthday. There wasn't a good time to give it to you, so might as well."
He takes the box into his hands and shakes it a little.
From the sound alone, or near lack thereof, there could be a multitude of things inside it. He looks at you questioningly and you only smile and gesture for him to open it.
He takes his time in doing so, and he doesn't know how or why, but he finds your reactions to his movements much more amusing than whatever could be in the box. As if you were more excited for him.
He finally peers into the now open box to see some sort of purple cloth. A ribbon of geometric designs cutting through its middle and he stares at it in wonder.
"It's a scarf!"
You smile at him, and he was thankful that the rest of the team were either asleep or just not paying attention as it allowed the both of you to savor the moment with at least some semblance of privacy.
"I've noticed that you had a tendency to wear a lot of layers. I wasn't sure if it was because you were cold, or you just liked dressing that way, so I made an educated guess and got you something practical."
And just like that, he's over the moon.
He immediately goes to put it on with a wide smile, paying no mind that it paired so badly with the short sleeves of his button up.
Not that he would know, nor care.
And just when he had been feeling cold earlier too! "Thank you so much. This means a lot to me, especially since you don't usually give gifts."
You shake your head. "I don't, but it's not everyday one spends their twenty-fourth at the BAU."
He continues to observe the cloth that now hung around him. Smoothing his hands over it as he does with an expression unreadable to you.
You worry a bit and hurriedly mention, "I'm sorry if it isn't your color. I see purple show up on your mismatched socks more than any other color, so I just assumed. If it's any consolation, purple is a great color to contrast the warmer hues in brown eyes?"
He flushes at your admission, but matches your urgency to set you straight. "No! Please, I actually really like it-- It's beautiful."
You breathe out a sigh in relief and nod slowly at that.
"Speaking of the color, did you know the origin of purple dye is actually quite fascinating?" His voice filled with enthusiasm. With his eyes, bright, and filled with a child-like fascination that makes your chest feel warm at the sight.
"Historically, purple dye was incredibly rare and valuable, which is why it became associated with royalty and nobility. The earliest known purple dye, known as Tyrian purple, was produced by the ancient Phoenicians around 1200 BC. It was derived from the secretions of a particular type of sea snail, the bolinus brandaris, found in the Mediterranean Sea."
He paused for a moment, wondering if he was boring you, but sees that you're still very much paying attention to him.
"The process to obtain this dye was incredibly labor-intensive and complex. It required thousands of these sea snails to produce just a small amount of dye. The snails would then be collected and left to decompose in large vats. After several days, a gland from the snail was extracted and crushed to produce a purple mucus. This mucus would then be exposed to sunlight, undergoing a chemical reaction that transformed it into the deep, rich purple dye we commonly associate with our modern day equivalent."
As he kept going, he suddenly remembered what Morgan had told him all those weeks ago.
"Next time, try looking at what she does when you're the one talking."
So he does just that.
He observes the way that your shoulders are more relaxed, how your eyes never stray from him, and how the small upturned curve of your lip makes itself known as you rest your cheek onto your propped up fist.
How he has your undivided attention and yet you don't even look the least bit bored of what he has to say. Only silently appreciating and subtly nodding along with the slow blink of your eyelids.
All clear signs of unguarded comfort, and or interest, in his presence.
Had you really been looking at him like that all this time?
Now the idea of you liking your boss seems silly. Especially when youโre looking at him the way he imagines himself looking at you.
"I did know that, actually, Dr. Reid. At the time, Tyrian purple wasn't only desirable for its rarity, people said it was also incredibly lightfast. That it was resistant to fading under the sun and the weather. Not to mention all that hard work that just to get a single gram of it. Then again, modern studies do claim that its lightfastness was, in fact, not an accurate feature as it's color diminished when it was exposed to light and UV radiation."
You laughed a little again, as if remembering some anecdote, and that sound was steadily becoming one of his favorite sounds. Following only after your speaking voice.
"Fortunately for you, doctor, I could only afford a synthetically purple-dyed scarf. Though that means that you won't ever have to worry about it fading under the sun."
Hands up in faux surrender, you give him a tired smile that he returns with one of his own.
A calming silence enveloped the both of you as you continue to bask in each other's presence.
At some point you doze off, draping your blazer on top of yourself to shield yourself from the cold, and that's when he starts considering Elle's words again.
"Do you ever ask anyone out?"
"No,"
"That's why you can't get a date."
He nods to himself, and reclines a little more into his seat. Snuggling into his new scarf that still has the faintest smell of you.
Maybe he will ask you out on a a date later.
_____________________________
Like my work? Consider tipping me!!
2K notes
ยท
View notes
September Morning
LOGAN HOWLETT X FEM!READER
LAURA KINNEY X PLATONIC!READER
Summary: Recalling the last day he'd held you.
If you liked this would you Buy me a Coffee?
---
September.
A September morning it had been.
He remembers the sudden change of pace in the mansion, the school year was starting, students would be lining up in the halls for the start of the semester.
You had been so looking forward to returning to teaching, to your students.
Planning and setting up a curriculum, a classroom, that they'd never get to see.
It was a September morning...
Logan had kissed you that morning.
But, not in the way he should've. Not in the way he wished he had.
It was swift, a tight-lipped peck on the forehead per your bitter request. You had to practically beg him to show you a hint of romance these days, he'd been pulling himself away from you at the time. Feigning uninterest in your relationship, in you.
But, it hadn't been true.
His feelings for you could never be explained in words, 'Love' felt too simple, too modest, so he never said it. But, that had been it. He was in love, devastatingly so. Night and Day. Dreams and daydreams. Even his nightmares, spiraling images of mayhem that would silence with your presence. Every thought, every moment, every breath seemed to be dedicated just to you.
And it made the future a terror in his mind.
He's lived decades, over a century, through wars, torture, plagues and lovers. Nothing in his life ever lasted, especially nothing good.
Though this was his longest relationship, and you shared a healing factor that contributed to you living since the 1890s while appearing as a woman in her late 20s. Naturally, he looked forward to many more years with you, decades and decades of breathless love, a hundred lifetimes.
But, Logan was a disease. A plague on anything good that came his way. One day, he'd always come to destroy the beautiful things he loved so much.
And he didn't want that to be you.
So, thinking it was the best thing for you, for the both of them in the long run, he slowly, agonizingly stretched the bonds of your relationship. He stopped kissing you unless you asked, stopped touching you unless you begged, stopped eating with you at breakfast, stopped embracing you, indulging you, loving you in the way you needed. He stopped everything, but slowly, so slowly.
Logan couldn't help himself, he wanted it all to last. But, it couldn't.
When he caught himself slipping, staring at you a little too long, kissing you a bit too fiercely, he'd curse himself. Dig his claws into his skin, piercing the flesh and tearing a scream from his lungs.
It was to protect you.
His feelings couldn't get in the way of you being safe from him. From the bad luck that followed him up from hell, that clung to his form and wrapped around anything to close.
It was a September morning when he was confronted by you.
"Logan," you took his wrist as he tried to part from you. "What's wrong?" you wondered, sadly.
He doesn't turn to face you, keeping his eye on the bedroom door, leaving you, he had to leave. If he stayed any longer... "Don't do this again, nothing's wrong."
"Of course, there is," you pulled at his hand, trying to pull him back. Back to you. "There's been something wrong for a long while, just tell me. Tell me and we can figure it out."
"Tell you what?" Logan coldly glanced back at you. "Haven't I told you enough?"
"You haven't told me anything," you frowned, staring right back. "This, whatever you're doing, isn't saying anything. I don't want you to walk away. I need you to talk to me."
He rips his wrist from your grip, forcefully, turning fully to face you, nostrils flaring but it doesn't faze you. You've handled the wolverine's temper before, hell your relationship used to be malicious before it became romantic. "Then you must be deaf," he says. "I think I've been more than clear. Any person with sense would've gotten it by now. Or maybe you're not as smart as I thought."
"Don't do that," Jaw tensing, your eyes narrow at your lover. "Don't be a child. Just say it. Tell me how you feel instead of pushing me away to make it easier on yourself."
"If you don't know by now," he spoke, he took a breath as he struggled to say much else. "I haven't been showing you clearly."
At that, you quiet a bit. Eyes flickering around his face for the truth, face falling, hurt evident in your expression, his heart hurts at the look, but he masks his agony as best as he knows.
Logan was physically stiffening up, fists clenched up, jaw clicking, he wasn't ready to confront this with you. He never even wanted it to end, he thought it'd be easier. So, he doesn't say anything, fighting with himself, expression twisting with his rampant thoughts.
"Logan," your painful expression nearly breaks him. You open your mouth, but your words come out in a stuttered whisper before falling quiet again. You're lost, confused.
"I don't understand. I...I thought we'd...found each other. Didn't we? Find each other," you murmured. "In all this pain, and grief, I found you, Logan..." the crack in your voice makes him turn away, a grimace along his face, a wince at your words.
Though you hadn't lived as long as him, you'd faced a century of hardship, decades of loneliness, death and vulnerability, you'd known no concept of safety until the X-Men. Until him.
Found through the rubble, you'd pulled each other out of, it was easy to fall in love. Promises of forever and beyond even that. Promises of together through the end of time, through the end of the world. Logan Howlett had confessed his love a thousand times over without saying a word, and you'd believed him like he held every precious ounce of trust in his hands.
You take his hand now, your eyes filling with tears as he stayed silent, your thumb running along his knuckles, he lets you. "Tell me you found me," as you cried, he takes your face in his hands, bridging the gap between you. Your first tear runs down his fingers, he wipes them away. "Tell me you love me..."
Logan Howlett speaks a truth he's regretted throughout his life afterwards, a moment that would plague his dreams for the rest of his life. "Have I ever before?" he wondered simply.
Instantly you're out of his arms, stumbling back away as if he'd burned you. Your eyes are wide, they dart away from him, your shoulders dropping as you come to the terrible conclusion, he was right. Logan had never said he'd loved you.
Logan's eyes burn, his fingers curling in on themselves and his chest hurts too much to take a breath. He wants to take it all back. Beg on his knees for forgiveness. He'd do anything. Jump through fire, fall in a pit of snakes, fight an army, snatch as many souls from hell that he needed to get back into your arms.
But, this was the plan. This was how it had to be.
Every word meant to sting, to burn and brandish you in a way that destroys your love for Logan Howlett.
Pulling himself away from this room before he can face your tears for another moment, he turns the knob to the door, opening and closing it behind him.
Stomping down the hallway, fighting every step as he could smell, hear, practically taste the sobs that tore from your throat as he leaves.
He nearly collapses as he takes the corner, his hand pressing into the side wall to steady himself. His heart in his ears, breathing harshly as his eyes redden and sting with unshed tears.
"Logan?" Scott sounds from behind him, questioning. "Everything alright?"
His rival, his friend, puts his hand on his shoulder, but it's shrugged off immediately. "Fine," Logan says without turning. Continuing down the hallway and away from him.
Scott makes a face, confused, before turning to Jean, who follows him out of their room. She notices Logan turning the next corner down to the stairs, "What's going on?"
"No idea," Scott sighs. "Just Logan being his usual self."
At the sound of a motorcycle driving away from the driveway, he glances out of the side window of the manor, frowning deeply as he watches Logan speed away.
Jean hums, amused. "Surprised?"
"Never," Scott says, before perking up as he hears your crying down the hallway. "Or maybe I am. Is that (y/n)?"
Jean's face falls, she steps out into the hall, walking slowly over to your room. Your crying louder this time, she rushes over to the room. "(Y/n)!" she knocks hurriedly, before bursting inside. Holding you instantly as you collapse to the floor, your hands covering your face, you hiccup, allowing Jean to hold you tight. "Hey, hey, what happened, what's going on?"
Scott comes up to the open doorway, confused, worried. But, he opts for giving the women their privacy, closing the door a crack, before reaching for his phone and texting Logan.
This was unlike Logan. Well, upsetting you was unlike him, not being an asshole, that was completely like him.
But, he knew how much Logan loved you, never saying so much as a tease that would indirectly upset you. Logan was smitten for years, unable to even put his feelings into words without going flustered. Something was wrong.
Angrily typing, Scott sends the text to his teammate, before perking up in surprise as a subtle beep rings out in the hall. He walks around the corner, down the hallway, and notices a phone laying on the edge of the steps, Logan's phone. He frowns. "Shit."
He sighs then, walking back around the hall. Running into Ororo, the weather goddess's brows are furrowed in worry. "What's going on with Logan? He looked upset, what happened?"
"You should see (Y/n)," Scott breathes, disappointed. Ororo's eyes widen at the news. "I've never seen them like this."
"Oh my," she frowns, before a streak of light passes by the window, nearly blinding them both.
"Jeez, what the hell," Scott turns, putting his hand up as the light gets brighter. Is that the afternoon sun?
But, it's not the sun. It's humming...like metal vibrating against the glass.
The light eases and the two mutants stare in horror. A sentinel, giant in size, it's eye peaking into the X-Manor, it's glowing red eye catching sight of the two of them immediately.
"SCOTT!" Jean screams.
He and Ororo spin around as a beam of light tears through the hallway, through the walls, through the glass. Tearing apart the building as a rush of power obliterates everything, a green blast of fiery energy coursing through the bricks.
"JEAN!" Scott bellows. "(Y/N)!"
You, with Jean in tow in your arms, flying through the chaos, dirt and scorching heat searing through your skin, having narrowly avoided the beam. Jean casting a telepathic shield as you both ram through the side wall and away from the sentinel shooting from the northside of the building. "Go, go, go!"
Ororo takes Scott's hand, the two of them lifted by the winds and hurtling out of the window as the radiating beam tears through where they were last standing.
Jean and you following, a sentinel chasing after the two of you, you glance backwards as you force gravity to propel you forwards and towards the tree line. Your swollen eyes widen in horror as the chest of a sentinel pops open, falling down to meet you and Jean. The metal tendrils bursting through and wrapping around your ankle, quickly you let go of a surprised Jean.
She screams as she falls before hurriedly catching herself, as she carefully lands on the grass below, rolling down to safety. A dirty smear of soot along her face, she looks up, watching to her terror as you're swallowed inside of a sentinel, it's tendrils wrapping around your body and pulling you inside of it's trap.
You scream as the doors slam shut, hand extending outwards. Out towards the road, out towards Logan.
Jean's hands immediately rise upwards, desperately, "No, no!" she cries, but then the inside becomes engulfed in flames, you scream in agony in the air as your prison of metal suffocates you in a sudden rush of fire. "NOOO!" Jean screams, the violent light of a burning flame fills her eyes as she sobs out in horror.
The sentinel crashes downwards toward the far tree line with you buried in its casket, Jean's telepathic pull interrupted at the sheer weight of it's fall. She rushes down, running desperately, but the northside sentinel crashes down in front of her, it's beam of light rushing down on her.
Ororo with tears in her angry eyes pulls the winds down and towards Jean, pushing her out of the way of the lethal attack. She then pulls lightning from the sky, storm clouds rolling in, rain falling from them, a sudden strike of electricity collides with the large sentinel. It jerks, it's metal shuddering and loosening, but it then turns to her, it's beam whistling through the air.
She flies up, avoiding it. Then past the sentinel, pulling lightning from the clouds, she desperately strikes at the sentinel balled up by the tree line that burns with fire with you inside. With a cry, she brings it down, splintering its shell. But then, before her eyes, the metal changes in texture, from a dented metal, to a rocky surface of stone.
Fire spills out, and she can hear your weakened vocals crying for help.
Ororo wails like a vengeful spirit, bringing down the wrath of the storm down on the shield of the sentinel. But, without warning, a large hand of a sentinel swings toward her, knocking the weather goddess out of the sky. "Ah!"
Scott rips his glasses off his face, beams of concussive force springing from them and knocking the giant robot back a few feet, it's hand coming up to block the attach. The beam wearing down on it's metal, but it comes closer and closer.
With a rageful cry, his beams become larger, nearly covering the giant being, it stumbles back, the ground rumbling with each forced step back.
Jean lifts herself up, a telepathic push shoving the sentinel over before it can restart its beam to attack Scott. "Rah!" the sentinel lands on its back, nearly blowing them all back with the force of it.
As the sentinel falls, the rest of the X-Men emerge from the manor, Hank and Charles guiding the students out of the building and towards the field, away from the chaos.
Without wasting a second, the X-Men rush down the tree line, to the sentinel that's captured you, no noise escapes the trap. Jean telepathically tears into the metal, the sentinel's regenerative body fighting against her wishes. Forcing the metal to open, a terrible heat pouring out of the cracks, no one can get close enough, your crumbling hand falling out limply.
Jean screams.
Ororo cries. "No!"
Scott curses, hands coming up and over his head, horrified. "Oh God!"
Another streak of light tears through the field, rushing up towards them all this time, a violent beam of energy destroying everything. They turn, but it's too late.
---
Logan turns his glass, watching as the liquid swishes and shifts with every move.
Sitting in a local pub in the city, he sighed heavily to himself. He can't stop thinking of your face, how you looked when he said all those things, when he gave you lives that he'd forced you to believe.
He beats his forehead with his fist, grimacing miserably, as he sat there, taking another swig of his beer. "Fucking idiot," he curses himself.
Why did he have to ruin that? Every good thing. Ruined.
Why did he have to do this to himself?
What kind of joke was his life? This one thing. He couldn't just have this one thing...
No. He remembered. He couldn't.
He took another drink, waiting for the kick. He sighs at the burn in his throat that he waits to numb his thoughts to silence.
Against his better judgement, Logan takes out his wallet, realizing he'd forgotten his phone. He opens it, eyes softening at the picture of you he kept there, pulling it out, it was folded to block him out of the picture.
He held a little smile, letting you pull him to your face so you both were smushed together for a happy little photo. He recalled the day as it being the moment he knew he wanted to spend every waking moment with you, it was also the day he realized his selfish faults for dragging you into the mess of his life. But, dammit he wanted you so bad, he wanted to keep you, to love you as you loved him, eternally.
He couldn't have that.
Logan Howlett was destined never to have that again, he had decided.
But....the thing is he could've. Right?
He thought to himself, you weren't an average woman, you were an X-Man, an immortal so it seemed. You were no normal woman that he'd lose to time or disasters.
He could have you for decades more, a century longer. A millennia if you both were lucky.
Who else could say that? Just you. Just the two of you, really.
And he's been so desperate to ruin that...for fears that may never come true.
Logan thoughtfully puts his glass down, glancing around as he thinks to himself, what an idiot he was.
He bursts from his seat, a newfound purpose in himself, a revelation that he hadn't had before. He could be happy with you, as long as he protected you, as long as he loved you, as long as he left behind that plague that followed him. Leaving it behind in that stool, tearing himself from the darkness that followed him constantly, he thought only of you.
The things he'd make up for. The moments he'd never taken with you. The days he'd cherish with you. The life you could build together.
But, first, he had to apologize. And fuck, did he have a lot to apologize for.
As Logan's leaving the pub, the news turns on, a broadcast that makes him stop at the door.
"Breaking News, Charles Xavier's school for gifted youngsters, a home for wayward mutants in upstate new york, has been attacked as of 6 p.m. tonight, so far there's been 14 casualties and counting..." as the news anchor speaks, all attention going to Logan at the news. His eyes widening at the helicopter view of the manor ripped to shreds, smoke traveling up the ruined building. A sentinel striking down on the land.
"No," he breathes. "No, no!" Logan rushes out of the pub, to his motorcycle, revving the engine and driving off.
---
Arriving at the institute, driving straight into the smoke filled land, strands of flame, burned fields and falling embers from the crumbling manor. Logan looks around, blood running cold as he runs through the field, finding the bodies of his students, bodies broken or just their limbs seared right off from the beams.
He finds Scott, his eyes staring open into the sky, this glasses broken, but his eyes don't light up with red energy as they would've. He's gone.
Then Jean. A few paces away from Scott. Blood in her hair, reaching out for her husband. Gone.
He doesn't find Ororo until he finds Hank. The both of them dead next to one another, he cradles her in his arms, leaning over her.
"(Y/n)," he gasps out, sick to his stomach. He cries out again. "(Y/n)!"
His voice echoes in the silent, crackling field. The sentinels having gone, the carnage remaining.
A creak of metal falling apart makes him turn quickly, rushing to the noise, the smoke is heavy here, embers flying to the sky.
Creaking metal splits, a sentinel he realizes, but it'd been burned through the inside out, charred.
A body falls out of the crack, hitting the grass as it crumbles.
His grief moves him first, rushing over, "Oh my god, oh my god," he repeats to himself as he runs. "(Y/N)!" Logan screams.
Dropping down in front of his lover, your skin cracked and burned to charcoal, hardened to the touch, beneath the skin, he can still see the flames that scorch beneath. And yet your eyes still find him.
He takes you in his arms, feeling as your body begins to crumble away. "No, no, no, what's happening?" he shudders as he realizes you're not healing. "No, why aren't you--why aren't you healing?" he takes your face in his hands, gentler this time than he had this morning, than he had any day. "Why aren't you healing, baby?"
He looks closely, your body's sustained blasts from explosions, beams, you've walked through flames before. What's going on?
Logan shakes his head. "Why--" he doesn't known what to do. "Come on, come on, please. You've gotta heal, darlin'. Come on."
Your heavy-lidded eyes just stare at him, you breathe subtly, hardly a breath at all.
Tears run freely down Logan's face this time. "I lied," he began quickly. "I had found you before I knew I loved you. I found you in my dreams and in my thoughts before I slept, I found you in every moment of every day, (Y/n), please," he admitted to his love. Eyes flickering around to see if her body would finally start regenerating as it always had, but you continued to crumble and crack. "Please. Please, (y/n), please," he sobbed.
A hiss of steam runs off your face, your tears sizzle away on your skin as they leave you. Your eyes closing briefly as Logan puts your forehead to his, "I love you in every moment," he hiccupped. "Of every day, of every hour," he gasps out as he feels your hand dragging up to his wrist. He takes your hand, it's fragile, cracking beneath the weight of his touch and the effort to move.
"I love you..." you speak with your last breath, sparing it for him.
"I love you," he cried, reaching down, kissing your lips.
He feels your hand crumble to dust in his hands, your legs in his lap lose weight as they follow in the same way. As your lips fall apart, he kisses your forehead, unable to open his eyes to watch as you fall away.
Logan breathes in a painful breath, heart breaking as he can't feel you in his arms any long. Squeezing the remains of you in his fists, he inhales deeply, a stutter of an agonizing sound, he cries as he finds the strength to open his eyes.
Nothing left of his lover, nothing left of you, but the embers that flies in the air, the ashes at his feet.
"Oh god," he cried, bringing himself down to the ground, fisting his hands in your ashes. He shakes violently, weeping into your remains, before sitting up and wailing into the air, a scream ripping through his lungs, tearing at his vocals.
The terrible sound could be heard miles away from the destroyed manor.
---
Years later, Logan sits at a pub. Taking another shot of whiskey.
"Another," he requests.
"No more," the bartender says to him, frowning with a look of disgust. "You know you're not welcome here."
Logan glances up, jaw tightening before sighing, fists unclenching. "Just one more and I'm outta here."
Reluctantly the bartender pours him another.
And then suddenly, a red suited merc jumps out of a portal, clumsily flipping off the pool table and spinning over towards the empty stool next to Logan.
Part 2 coming soon.
949 notes
ยท
View notes