#like it has one of the best pilot episodes of any show I’ve ever watched and I proceeded to watch the entire thing

[hella1975]

bestie you have no idea how long my watch list is. why should I put aot on the list too

i thought we had something special 😔

[williamrikers]

On the subject of consent in recent BLs

In this analysis, I will take a look at several love scenes in recent Thai BLs, how they frame consent and the sexual agency of the characters, and why those matter.

(KinnPorsche deserves its own post: I’m sure people have already written in detail about how much emphasis is placed on issues of consent/non-consent throughout the show and how fundamental consent is to the relationship arcs of both KinnPorsche and VegasPete, and I won’t belabor the point here. Also, special shout-out to The Warp Effect for what it brought to the conversation about gay sex, but TWE isn’t technically a BL so I decided not to include it in this analysis.)

I am going to take a closer look at the following shows in this essay: Not Me, The Eclipse, A Boss And A Babe, Step By Step, and La Pluie.

Not Me and The Eclipse predate the other shows by two years/one year respectively, but I feel it is valuable to include them here because both show very explicit negotiations of consent that I feel are spiritual successors to the wonderful scenes we’ve been getting in the other three shows.

Why am I even writing this? There used to be an unfortunate tendency in the genre to have a power imbalance between the “seme” and the “uke” character, which translated into the seme deciding when to have sex and what kind of sex to have—and even though recently, several shows have done good work in dismantling the seme/uke dynamic and questioning the associated stereotypes, it cannot be denied that the archetypes are still an important part of most BLs, and even in cases where the tropes are played with and questioned, understanding those subversions still requires a knowledge of and familiarity with the original tropes on the part of the audience.

However, gone are the days of Until We Meet Again and Dean’s “I’ve waited long enough, make sure you’re ready.” (I enjoyed UWMA a lot but that was. Yeah. Not Great.) Now, we see characters actually talking about and negotiating their limits, and doing what feels good to them.

Let’s start from the very beginning. Not Me was an absolute trailblazer in this regard, and not mentioning it here would be a gross oversight. The first time Sean and White have sex, it happens in their version of the beach episode. (Which, in Not Me, is the two characters briefly living in a tent inside an abandoned building. This show is the best.) Sean and White are removed from their usual environment and protected from the outside world by two barriers: the walls of the old house and the tent that’s literally enveloping them and giving them a space that is unequivocally theirs, shared, in which neither one of the characters has any sort of power over the other. And what happens in that space when they’re about to have sex is extremely interesting: the first thing Sean asks is whether White is afraid of him, which White denies. The following exchange goes like this: White: "So, what are we doing?" Sean: "What should I do to you?" White: "That’s up to you." (Watch the whole scene here.)

I find this exchange incredibly meaningful because this already turns the seme/uke dynamic that can be found in a lot of other shows on its head. OffGun as a branded pair can easily be stereotyped into the seme/uke dynamic just because of their physical appearances, and clearly spelling out that both characters have agency in this scene is incredibly important.

And then it gets better! Sean assumes that White is sexually inexperienced (which is not true but the fact that White was actually in a relationship with a woman back in Russia never comes up again after the pilot episode, so maybe the show expects us to assume this, too), and suggests they try different things and White can tell him what he likes and doesn’t like. Compared to the stuff we’re getting now, this scene isn’t very high heat at all, but it’s one of my favorite intimate scenes ever because them asking each other “Do you like this?” after every kiss, every touch, is so incredibly unique and transports a wonderful sense of figuring out sexual pleasure together, as a couple.

Sex in Not Me is not something one character does to another, it is something that is discovered and shared together, and we even get an afterglow scene in which they gently tease each other about their fast beating hearts. (And don’t get me started on the importance of White choosing to ask Sean whether Sean is okay with White not being like Black in that moment right before they have sex, because he doesn’t actually want to have sex with Sean as Black! He wants to discover and share intimacy with Sean as White, as himself, not as his brother! The layers!)

Anyway, I think that scene paved the way for a lot of the conversations around consent we’re now getting in BL, just because it is so explicitly, unashamedly putting forward a definition of sexuality that has nothing to do with one character actively giving and the other passively receiving, but frames intimacy as something that is built together. (More on giving and receiving later!)

Now, moving on to The Eclipse. I decided to include the first time Akk and Aye have sex for a different reason: while we don’t really see them actually talking about consent, we see them practicing non-verbal consent. Let me explain. Akk’s and Aye’s whole thing is teasing each other. At first, Aye is usually the one doing the teasing, but Akk gets the hang of it towards the end of the show and teases his boyfriend right back. When they’re in Akk’s childhood bedroom together, Aye clearly alludes to the fact that he thought they might use this opportunity to have sex for the first time, which Akk pretends not to understand, all while alluding to it himself. I love this guy. (Watch the whole scene here.) Anyway, Akk says he wants to sleep, lies down and once again, tells Aye jokingly he just wants to sleep, clearly expecting Aye to do what other BL protagonists do at that point and not take no for an answer (sidenote: I HATE the “saying no as foreplay” trope with a passion and as far as I’m concerned it should die already).

However, Aye is not like other BL love interests, and he backs off. He stops touching Akk, lies down with his back to Akk, showing Akk that he takes him by his word: if Akk says he wants to sleep, Aye is going to let him do just that. So now, it’s on Akk to say that, no, that’s not what he meant, can Aye please come back to cuddle. And then Akk is the one to escalate from cuddling to kissing, which is extremely important: we know that Aye has been ready to have sex with Akk since forever, it’s Akk who’s been having hangups about intimacy this whole time.

They don’t put consent into so many words on this show, but Aye shows Akk that he respects his limits and that Akk only has to tell him he doesn’t want to do something and Aye will take him at his word.

So, these are, to me, two foundational scenes of establishing consent: one that shows consent as something that is established verbally, as an ongoing conversation, and one that shows consent as something that is established physically, by showing your partner that you respect their choices and limits by way of simply acting accordingly.

Now, let’s get into the fun part: scenes we got so far in 2023. I’m writing this post on the 13th of June, and I’m sure this year still has some great things in store for us, especially because Step By Step and La Pluie are both ongoing and neither of the main couples are actually together yet at time of writing. However, they’ve both already given us AMAZING scenes on the topic of consent, so I feel it is worthwhile to write about those already.

I want to start off by talking about A Boss And A Babe.

Let me just preface this by saying that the intimate scenes in ABAAB are some of my all time favorites in BL ever, because in them, sex is something that is just so normal. When Gun and Cher have sex, we don’t see them very passionate, excited, reluctant or wide-eyed innocent (which are some of the emotions traditionally associated with sex in BL). On the contrary, in every single scene that shows them being intimate, both characters are incredibly calm. They’re certainly happy to be with each other, but in a subdued way. Someone described their second intimate scene as them seeming like they’ve been married for a few years. They’re both just… incredibly normal about having sex with each other. It’s simply something they like to do together. It’s a part of their romance but it’s not more or less important than any other aspects of their lives.

And consent is at the very heart of it.

When Gun and Cher have their first time, we see Gun explicitly asking for consent two times: first, “Can I kiss you?”, then, “Can I do more?” The second one even comes with the promise that if Cher says no, Gun will immediately go to sleep without mentioning it again. And then it is on Cher to say yes, to pull Gun close and kiss him to show him that he is comfortable with taking things further. (In the show, these two questions were shown apart from each other, I cut together a version of the whole First Time Scene in its entirety, watch it here.)

Now, things get more interesting: the second intimate scene shows Cher initiating the encounter (watch the whole scene here). Cher pretty consistently falls into the uke category, both physically and as far as characterization is concerned, but he’s certainly not shy in the bedroom. And this time, he’s the one who asks for consent from Gun: Gun asks “You’re starting it?” and Cher’s response is “Can I?” Despite him being framed physically lower than Gun, basically at Gun’s mercy, he still seeks confirmation that Gun is okay with the way things are going. Not to overstate it, but to me, this feels revolutionary. Once again, we’re being shown that sex is something two people do together, as a shared activity, and that the “seme” character isn’t expected to just be up for it. He, too, has the right to say no.

On this show, sexual agency is taken extremely seriously, and it is clear that both Gun and Cher give each other space to decide what they’re comfortable doing. This is shown in non-intimate scenes as well: there are so many moments on ABAAB in which the characters negotiate physical touch and closeness, asking each other for hugs before actually hugging each other, Cher leaning on Gun’s shoulder in the car but not allowing Gun to touch him because that’s not what he’s comfortable with in that moment, and so on. (The only exception to this otherwise pretty consistent rule is the kiss in the car scene, which I’m still extremely confused about because it seems to go completely against Gun’s character. Who knows what happened there.)

Of course, the fact that so much emphasis is placed on negotiation and consent isn’t surprising on a show that has such obvious kink undertones and whose Our Skyy 2 entry basically consisted entirely of Dom/sub roleplay at work—I’m just saying, I think someone on the writing team is way into BDSM and knows all about the importance of enthusiastic consent from all parties involved, and I would like to send them flowers.

Step By Step hasn’t really reached the point where we can analyse the dynamic between the main couple (although we can take some educated guesses based on the interactions we’ve seen so far). However, last week’s episode had an extremely important scene between Pat and Put: Pat wanting to have sex with Put, then changing his mind mid make-out (watch the whole scene here). I really like the way this scene was done. No matter how shitty Put treats Pat at times, in this instance, he immediately understood and respected Pat’s change of mind without Pat even saying or explaining anything—at the end of the episode, Put says to Pat that Pat should tell Put when he feels ready to have sex. (We already know this will never happen because of course, Pat and Put are not endgame, but I do appreciate the sentiment.)

BLs rarely include a whole storyline in which the protagonist is in an actual, serious romantic relationship with someone other than his endgame love interest (hi Moonlight Chicken!), or if they do then just to up the angst factor. In this case, however, I feel that this scene raises our expectations for Jeng even further: if the guy who is definitely not a romantic match for Pat treats Pat with this much respect in the bedroom, then Jeng has to do at least that and then some. I do feel confident that Jeng won’t disappoint in this regard, but it’s fascinating to see a show frame this kind of respect as the absolute baseline minimum, with the endgame love interest expected to do even better.

Now, the one you’ve all been waiting for. The one that made me write this whole essay in the first place: La Pluie.

Oh boy. Where to start.

A week ago, we got an incredible make-out scene on Saengtai’s floor, which ended in Patts stopping the encounter because he could tell Tai wasn’t really comfortable taking things further—@bengiyo talked about that scene in detail here. And then, three days ago, La Pluie gave us the most unique, trope-defying, timeline-changing blowjob scene of all time, and I want to talk about it.

Tai and Patts are making out on their bed, Tai is not ready to go “all the way” and stops Patts from undressing him. We see a very realistic frustrated reaction from Patts, who nevertheless immediately stops and accepts Tai’s wishes—it is clear that Patts does not expect things to go any further at this point, and that he won’t pressure Tai into anything.

And then, Tai offers to blow him.

(Unfortunately, this show is only on iQiyi so I can't link to it, but you can get a good impression of the scene here.)

I mentioned the concepts of giving and receiving earlier: other people have said this more eloquently than me, but there is a tendency not only in BL but also in wider society to view sex in terms of giving and receiving, with a lot of expectations and stereotypes attached to the roles during different sexual acts. On other shows, that blowjob might be framed as a consolidation or an apology, something that the giver does out of a sense of obligation without enjoying it much. Not so on La Pluie! Tai is shown incredibly happy and satisfied afterwards, both when they’re sleeping next to each other, as well as on the morning after (see also @ginnymoonbeam's post about that here). Tai offered to blow Patts because he simply wanted to, not motivated by guilt or anything of that sort. And he genuinely enjoyed it! In the post I linked above, @bengiyo points out that La Pluie consistently centers queer desire, or more specifically in this case, male desire for a male body; much in the same way that the camera fucking loves Force’s body on ABAAB: the sensuality of the skin, the hands, the abs, the flat chests, the broad backs and shoulders of these men is explicitly emphasized, and Tai’s desire for a dick in his mouth is made absolutely crystal-clear. Of course, since this is a TV show and not a porno, we only see Patts’s thumb in Tai’s mouth instead of his dick, but the imagery, the implications, are clear as day.

And it is such a gentle framing, too: Patts caresses Tai’s lip lovingly, Tai opens his mouth slowly, seductively, then faces Patts’s crotch with a soft look on his face. We do get a clear sense of this encounter as tender, and gentle, and most of all, desired. Tai’s queer desire is at the heart of this scene, and at the heart of the afterglow scene as well. He wanted this man’s dick in his mouth, openly suggested it, showed Patts he was sure about his decision after Patts asked him whether he was, and ended up clearly happy and satisfied with the sex they had. This post, also by @bengiyo, goes into more detail on that.

This, once again, shows us sex as a conversation rather than a series of predetermined acts, shows us sex as a shared activity, as something that can be wonderful and intimate and make people happy without following what society views as “the correct steps”. I think this is extremely important because one part of queer identity is figuring out one’s own relationship to sexuality, one’s own desires and needs, and BLs that ignore this aspect fall a little short in my opinion. Sure, those men are kissing, but do they experience queer desire? Do they experience joy in their queer desire?

For me personally, a show that does not shy away from these questions is a lot more meaningful than a show that does, and consent is at the heart of it all. By framing sex as a conversation, as something that is built and shared together, the shows I looked at here are actively positioning themselves against the idea that there should be predetermined roles for partners during sex, and instead suggest that queer joy can be found in communication and consent. Understanding sex and intimacy as something that is built together, with both partners as equals in conversation, is just as radically queer as a man waking up with a smile on his face after giving his soulmate a blowjob the previous night.

And quite honestly, a male character who clearly, passionately, unquestioningly communicates that he wants a dick inside of him—that is incredibly sexy. But maybe that’s just me.

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

Hello! My nice ask week ask for you is: I’m very intrigued to read your Growing Up Strand Style fic in which TK has a little sister. How did you come up with the idea for bringing such an important original character into the mix and how easy was it to work here into the dynamic between Owen, Gwyn and TK? The father-son relationship between Owen and TK is clearly a very important part of the story too – are there any scenes between them you’re especially proud of?

Hi!!! 🥰🥰

I love this question so much 😊 It’s a culmination of a lot of things- (some projecting: the parents split when the kid is seven and one parent gets a new partner but it’s hard because new partner is cool- I can relate lol)

This idea started because I love Owen and Gwyn as parents- I would never say they’re perfect but they love their kid so much and they try (also sorry if this is coherent I’m so tired lol) And when I started writing this fic there was not as much fics where Owen was a flawed but loving parent which I believe that he is- and I felt like they were the happiest family before their world was ripped apart by tragedy, and from there it was surprisingly easy (there’s about six chapters of happy family bliss before 9/11 happens and three of them were written after the episode where TK more or less says “I want to be a dad because of how much I love my dad”

Also TK is so sweet and caring and protective watching him in the show I thought he is someone who would have loved having a younger sibling and would have wanted to be the best brother ever- and because I feel like as much as his parents tried there was a lot of time where TK felt lost and alone and I wanted to give him someone to go through his childhood with (it doesn’t change anything that happens in his life canon wise- but I’ve done this before with shows where there are some characters it’s just like- they need a brother or sister- (another rant for a different time; why are there so many only children in media lol) And I kept getting ideas and loved thinking of how Gwyn and Owen would be with a daughter-

That is the biggest part of it though- I love Owen and TK’s relationship so goddamn much (I also have a series I started before th is one of TK as a teenager- that one’s broken into a few different stories)

Like I did not expect to love this show so much but from the moment Owen broke the door down to save his kid in the pilot I was struck- like they’re just so supportive and protective of each other and I just loved their bond so much-

Oh that is a dangerous question there are so many Owen and TK scenes I’ve written I want to talk about-

Chapter 7- TK wakes up the first night after his dad has come home after 9/11 and momentarily is worried he’s gone again before he finds him in the living room

Chapter 8- Owen finds out that TK put his sister to bed by himself because he heard their parents fighting and didn’t want to interrupt

Chapter 14- Sophie gets hurt and TK is worried that Gwyn will be mad at him but Owen tells TK it’s Owen’s fault not TK’s

Chapter 18- TK mentions that he knows his dad doesn’t like Enzo and asks Owen if it makes him mad when they do stuff with Enzo and if Owen doesn’t want TK around Enzo as much

Chapter 27- when TK comes out to Owen

When Owen takes care of TK when he’s sick or hurt (there are so many injury chapters; not just for TK for both kids)

And chapter 44- when TK tell Owen they can’t talk about sex because TK is gay and Owen’s not so he finds another way to handle it-

(Also I promise Gwyn is there too- there are chapters where Owen is just in it briefly like some where I try to make sure everyone is worked in)

Thank you so much for the ask!!’ 🥰 you’re such an amazing writer and the subjects of our fics do overlap I’m very excited to hear what you think of it 🫶♥️♥️

[noitsbecky127]

rebecca watches ds9: emissary

ok I decided to just not liveblog tng but I’m gonna give it a shot again for ds9! I am told this is the best one so I’m excited

ah yes, borg picard

rip to all these fucking starships

rip jennifer too

quite a beginning!

healthy father-son relationship!!! gotta love it

and there’s deep space nine!!!!

gonna be weird not to hear the “space, the final frontier” monologue

damn this place is a DUMP

oh the ferengi! clearly they won’t be leaving

oh god kira is Intense lmao

odo! the goo man!

I’m not sure the Prime Directive applies here lmao

why DOES sisko want quark to stay

ah ok, for the economy

kira arms,,,,,,

well let’s hope the govt doesn’t fall! civil war sucks

do bajorans have a thing for ears or

ah yes, time travel

so what exactly ARE the orbs then

why does no one in star trek ever specify what the thing someone is gonna want to see is?

i guess quark opened up shop again!

jadzia is so hot oh my god

ok bashir seems like a dick but the fandom likes him so i look forward to seeing how that happens

two hours. slow computers indeed

ah a worm flashback

gross

gul dukat showed up and my dad, who has never seen a cardassian, went “yuck”

the what belt

sisko wanted quark to stay here, why would he close the place suddenly

of course odo was the bag. somehow i’m not surprised

ok they have a vehicle, so they can boldly go places if they so desire

oh is that the wormhole i’ve heard about?

yep! gamma quadrant!

hm. all narrative evidence suggests that this is the celestial temple. it does not look terribly celestial

jadzia’s perspective seems to disagree!

wonder why they’re seeing it differently

we lost dax!

“what is this time?” ah so these are EXTREMELY different creatures

how tf do you create a wormhole??? (i say, with no idea how wormholes work)

“it’ll take two months” “we need it there tomorrow” kira do you understand how time works

none of this plan makes any sense. that’s how trek works ig

odo said he has no idea if there are any others like him and dad was like “i sure hope not!”

bashir expects people to be quite a bit smarter than they are

these creatures don’t even BELIEVE linear time exists

baseball still exists in the 24th century. great news for my dad

that cardassian is really close to the screen!

no shields????

NO ONE understands the passage of time here

bashir’s about to get hit HARD by reality

why is jennifer a perfect pristine corpse? she should be all fucked up. i’m not even sure what the cause of death is

(i know why she’s a perfect pristine corpse)

but the “i see her like this” would hit harder if she was all fucked up

and there goes all your photon torpedos! hope you don’t wind up needing those

dad asked me “how are they fooling them into thinking they’ve got five thousand photons?” and i would like to know the same thing

episode 1 and the station’s already in peril. classic

wonder what’s IN the gamma quadrant, aside from those weird guys

oh I like Kira

alright that was the pilot!!! i’m a fan

[gracerings]

so i finally watched the first episode of succession -- and i did not particularly enjoy it. but i know that for some shows it takes more than the pilot, so i'm willing to try more. would u maybe tell me when it clicked for you/how far you think i should watch to get a good idea of the show?

okay so I think 1x02 is required watching to get a sense of the show, because it’s kinda Part 2 of the pilot. it introduces some key players that aren’t in 1x01 and it gives you more of an idea of the workings of the company, how they handle crises and what’s to come. it raises the stakes for sure. also you get to know the siblings a little more, you see how they interact with each other and you get a glimpse of how complex and fucked up this family truly is.

if you’re still not into it after that, I would say try and make it to 1x06, because there’s some kind of turning point there and it’s also one of the more high-tension high-stakes episodes of the season.

But. while I enjoyed all of season 1, the episode that really made me go ‘this is one of the most brilliant things I’ve ever watched’ is 1x10. every season finale of this show so far has been some of the best television I’ve ever watched. 1x10 has a scene towards the end that is a masterclass in acting from brian cox (logan) and jeremy strong (kendall), but also the writing, the direction, the MUSIC. everything is superb.

however, you have to like shows about mega-rich white people who are fundamentally Not Good in any way shape or form and accept that this is both a greek tragedy about a deeply compelling deeply dysfunctional family and also an intensely satiric commentary on capitalist america. it’s maybe not for everyone, but if it is for you it will probably rearrange your psyche and change your brain chemistry.

[wow-cool-robot]

Episode 17: Hong Kong City

what's in hong kong? guess i'll find out

the current goal is to make everyone aware that the aeug exists. i'm still fuzzy on the details here. that cop in episode 1 sure thought kamille should know what the aeug was

i almost asked what happened to new hong kong, but. i'm amazed anything in east asia is liveble after the war, especially anywhere on a coast. the fact that new hong kong is there now is really something

ignoring beltorchika for now, i really love the little bits we see of kamille working on the gundam. with his number pad computer wired in and everything

beltorchika is just super aggravating. why would you assume amuro is better at piloting the gundam mk ii? he's never tried. and you didn't even know he was an ace in the one year war, so it's not like you had some preexisting notion that he was the best around. so what gives?

jesus, this is frustrating

what's jerid up to? i miss jerid, he was fun. it's nice to have a guy around who just sucks, and the show knows it

ominous black mobile armor shows up

i've heard of four murasame before. i didn't know she was from zeta

i say let her do what she wants. what's the worst that could happen?

dude don't be a creep

this bit introducing us to new hong kong reminds me of cowboy bebop, specifically the episode where they're docked somewhere and have to look for the betamax player. makes sense, they're both sunrise

oh shit it's mirai!

i have heard things about hathaway. i will be watching his career with great interest

it really does feel like amuro's been stagnating. i do hope we see more of that, but i'd also like the show to give kamille more time in the spotlight

dang, that guy was not happy amuro cut in line

beltorchika kneeing that guy in the balls does make me respect her a little more

uh oh! don't think we've had any fights in crowded cities til now, so that's a new kind of bad

so this is another cyber newtype? i wonder what their deal is. pretty clearly artificial newtypes, but it feels like there's more to it

amuro confidently declaring he is a soldier is interesting

it's got the thing the hyaku shikki has that doesn't do anything!

oh, it's another black gundam. this ones way bigger than the last

i'm assuming the high grade gunpla is roughly comparable to a perfect grade

it seems like four just doesn't like being told what to do. have you tried asking nicely?

this really doesn't feel like a war yet, but if everyone calls it one i guess i might as well go along

the nemo she shoots manages to miss every shot. it's so big! how do you miss!

she comments on how they're only dolls. curious where that goes

the newtype flash there was pretty good

and it made her run off

きもちわるい

the psycho gundam? that's a name for a mobile suit

mirai you are absolutely a newtype, don't lie to her

this show has the same understanding of gravity as father pucci

alright, i'm beginning to think that this show is going to have some lower lows than 0079 ever did, but also maybe some higher highs if i'm lucky. very inconsistent so far

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Gundam: The Witch from Mercury Episode 10 Review

- The start of this episode is very cute. Watching Suletta get all these victories and becoming more comfortable talking to others (she didn’t stutter at all early on). Chuchu especially was pretty adorable with her happy jump and laughing hard enough she coughed.

- Miorine’s scene with Delling was pretty cute. He finally complimented her and she seemed pretty happy. Also liked her scene with the pilot lady. Hope she becomes pretty important cause she’s really cool.

- Guel is apparently missing, which makes me think he ran away instead of taking his dad’s offer. Also cute we got to see Petra, but where’s Felsi?! I will not accept a substitute like Renee!

- Secilia and Rouji finally got character development. They left the couch! Also their relationship is pretty cute.

- Belmeria is the only good adult in this show. She tried her best to give El4n a good life and cares for Suletta. However sadly she didn’t get to acquire into what was happening in the cockpit. Kinda thinking she’ll die which would eliminate the one reasonable adult.

- Now for the heavy shit. Shaddiq is becoming even more of an asshole by plotting to kill his crush’s dad. He’ll do whatever it takes to climb the ladder even if it’s a horrible act. It seems Sarius just wants his son to live a school life and do things fair and square but Shaddiq is very cutthroat. And his scene with Nika was very chilling. Girl feels indebted to the man that raised her so she’s willing to work with Shaddiq to help him, but darling, you need to see that Shaddiq is gonna throw you away as soon as you’re useless. Also poor Nika thought the key chains were for her, but when she found out differently, she realized just how separate she is from everyone.

- Dawn of Fold seems to be an Earth resistance group that salvages old suits in order to use for their mercenary deeds. Basically they’re the IBO group. The two suits the girls are piloting are Lfriths which means that at least some of the technology survived and was transferred into the hands of rebels. However are the girls genetically engineered to handle it? Or are these suits like Aerial and don’t need linking? We also now know why Nika was so enthralled by Aerial. She’s worked with Gundams before so she must’ve been pretty happy seeing another one

- The Elan’s are officially the worst boys but I can’t help but love them. El5n is a real piece of work, not even bothering to act like his predecessor, which Elan Prime at least attempted too. He’s probably just like Shaddiq, wanting to climb no matter what he has to do. Also he’s a slut. But Elan Prime should probably wipe that smug look off his face. If El5n is like Shaddiq, then that means he might try to fully replace him. Clone Wars time

- This episode we got introduced to a new character, Bob! I’ve only had for a few minutes but I already love him, I wonder why?

- All joking aside, it’s so nice to see Guel find worth and support in a job separate from his identity as a Jeturk son. He started as an arrogant man getting angry at any slight against him to a hard working employee finally living a life he feels comfortable in. His smile near the end was the happiest we’ve ever seen him and I love it. His boss has been a better father figure to him in the two months he’s been working than Vim has his entire life. But as always, the universe can’t help but conspire to fuck Guel over at every opportunity it gets so not only is he on a ship heading to a soon-to-be assassination spot, but it got hijacked by Gundams. Poor guy can never catch a break. However I expect him to somehow get a suit and either kick those girls asses or come in to save Suletta and Miorine. And if he dies… I’m dropping the anime.

- But the real problem this episode was Suletta and Miorine’s relationship tripping on a rock and tumbling down a hill. The tomato’s in the greenhouse aren’t ripe enough yet, but will they get their chance or will they be plucked too quickly?

- Miorine is very similar to her father as much as he hates him. I’m guessing the reason he’s such a shitty father is because he focused on work rather than his family, and Miorine is showing the same tendencies. She doesn’t realize just how important tending to the greenhouse was to Suletta and she didn’t even have a discussion about it.

- Meanwhile Suletta is too scared to actually confront Miorine which leads to her getting heart broken. Though it also doesn’t help that she was almost assaulted right before by someone she thought was a close friend (Still waiting for the bomb to drop on that one). She’s becoming more liked by her peers but the two people she’s become closest two feel like strangers now (and in Elan’s case that’s literal). I expect this misunderstanding to either be fixed in the cour 1 finale, or we’re going to go into cour 2 with some serious shit to work out. And with Prospera maybe assassinating Delling, the relationship could be split entirely. (Is now a bad time to say I ship GuelSule?)

- We have two weeks until the next episode but my brain worms will keep me fully functioning. Next episode is gonna be a real kerfuffle. Suletta and Miorine are both gonna. E part of the thunderdome and Mio’s probabaly gonna witness her father getting killed, maybe even directly by Prospera. Then Prospera will go into some big Char speech and break the news about what the fuck is up with Aerial and Suletta. I also expect Guel’s going to get caught in the crossfire and have to choose between running (gaining one, himself) or fighting back (gaining two, Suletta and Miorine.) Shaddiq will probably stroll right in to claim ownership, with his harem and a scared Nika in tow, and Chuchu’s gonna be crushed. Then we’re going to have to deal with a possible disbandment of the school and if so, here are my predictions for all the characters

Miorine, Suletta, Guel, all the Earth House kids (minus Nika), El5n, and possibly Belmeria will be on the run and will eventually use the school as their base ala 3 Houses Style

Shaddiq, his harem, and Nika will fully take over Grassley and work on fully disbanding the Benerit Group. Dawn of Fold will join as a mercenary group but will wait her betray or be betrayed in the future

Lauda, Petra, and Felsi will work with the Jeturk House, Lauda becoming a replacement for Guel and attacking our group of heroes to “save” his brother. Petra and Felsi will be his unnerved allies who eventually join GUND-ARM because they can’t stomach the horrible shit they have to do and want to be with Guel-senpai

Secilia and Rouji will be staying at the school and managing it as the group Secilia belongs to owns it and Rouji just wants to work on his little robots. The two will eventually become management for GUND-ARM.

Prospera will be elected as the new leader of the Benerit group with Vim as her dog. Peil and El0n will just be watching everything go down and planning to jump ship if things go south. Sarius will be very opposed to Prospera and may also get killed.

- Overall, this episode gave me a lot to think about and a lot of memes. Please, Bob, live!

[opinion-piecemeal]

Just to preface: this post is not about Vivzie. She is kind of a scummy creator and I’ve recently learned about several controversial things she’s done. No I’m not talking about lewd art, I could not care less about that. She has done some scummy questionable things to real life people that she’s interacted with and I implore you to look into it on your own time. Just wanted to get that out of the way because I won’t be addressing it further but I want it known that I do in fact know some of the things she’s done.

I think most of the discourse on Hazbin Hotel is done, but I didn’t have this tumblr when it came out. So fuck it here’s my opinion now:

I really liked the Hazbin Hotel pilot when it came out, like genuinely. It was a decently made piece of indie animation, and they did a lot with a little amount of time. I even kinda liked Helluva Boss when that show came out, it toned down a lot of the more obnoxious elements of the HH pilot, the designs became less cluttered and the sound effects were toned down, the writing was even decent, it was funny sometimes, and it could tell an emotional story if it wanted. I didn’t care for the musical numbers (not because they were bad, I don’t even remember them it’s been years. I just don’t care for most musicals, if any at all), but I could get through those portions and it was fine. Some decent jokes, and I didn’t hate the characters.

So I was relatively…. Marginally slightly elevated when I heard Hazbin was getting an actual show release. That’s pretty cool, indie animation getting bigger and getting more funding? Hell yeah we love to see that. It’s been a minute since I watched through HH, but I remember my reactions to it and some key points of criticism.

This is gonna be just a compilation of ramblings and rantings because I do have a lot of disparate things to say about the show. Bear with me here.

Just gonna start off with: it’s one of the worst animated shows I have ever seen. I’m being 100% serious. It’s not paced well, none of the elements of the show itself are utilized properly, and every musical number has to be worse than nails on a chalkboard. It’s not funny, and it has NO idea how to structure interesting storylines to tell their stories effectively.

I heard nothing but praise for HH when it first came out from queer people I know. Being a queer myself, I understand why that is. It’s colorful, has a lot of vulgar yet not actually edgy jokes, has some gay characters in it, has some “CrYpTiD” character that everybody loves for some reason, and it’s about demons. This shit screams that it’s supposed to be appeal to YOU 🫵 THE AVERAGE QUEER! I know my vague description here might not be screaming “gay culture” but if you’re a queer in your 20’s in the year of our lord 2024 I think you know what I mean. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying media meant to appeal to you!!! Not even enjoying stuff that’s obvious pandering, I have my own media that is very meaningful to me because it tries to appeal to my sensibilities in an obvious way. But HH is. It’s bad for other reasons, this is just why I think a lot of LGBTQ+ people were hyping it up like it was a gift from… god? Gay Satan? Yeah anyway.

Just gonna rant about some things I remember, bear in mind I haven’t rewatched the show in a minute, but I’ll do my best not to say anything blatantly inaccurate to the general sentiment of the show.

The first episode of the show was an immediate dropping of the ball. It’s trying to act like a re-pilot, and yet if you haven’t watched the pilot there’s details you aren’t ever going to get. It starts with a really boring stylized exposition dump about the setting. I think it’s insanely mishandled because EVERYTHING that’s explained in it you can gather from context clues throughout the show. It genuinely might have been a stronger overall show if the entire exposition intro was entirely removed. It explains the angels doing the yearly culling, something you learn about by the end of this episode after the intro, you learn about Charlie’s parents, something you learn about much later and is introduced better in the original pilot through naturalistic dialogue. We learn about ummmm. That’s it as far as I can remember? I guess the setup for hell happens. Idk it feels like a clunky way to try to introduce new people to the show. Genuinely think a cold open to the moments after the intro would make for a stronger overall episode.

I do not like Adam. I know that’s the point, but I hate that he isn’t even scary. Like they don’t try to make him the least bit threatening, or intelligent, or at all… idk, cool? He’s a lame college frat boy dickhead stereotype, and I don’t even hate that on its face. If it was done in a way where we could see how he’s been leading heaven’s armies, maybe something a little more subtle, something a little tiny bit more interesting. It doesn’t make sense that any of heaven’s forces take him seriously. Like maybe it’s actually a reveal in the court scene that Adam is actually just the worst, instead of just “no actually he sucks the whole fucking show”. Not that he has to be a good guy, obviously, I just wish he was done with ANY amount of restraint to make him interesting. But he’s just a frat boy toxic masculinity stereotype that says very little about that stereotype itself besides “lol isn’t heaven hypocritical???” Like yeah. We knew that in the first episode when Adam did each of the 7 deadly sins in his literal first interaction. It’s so heavy handed.

Tbh I do wanna say that there are elements I like from the show, it just sucks because there’s always something with how they’re executed that just infuriates me. Like I enjoy the idea of portraying Angeldust in the way he’s portrayed, and exploring his trauma and awful situation, and overall they handled it decently. I don’t like the song, and I think the song has some questionable decisions with how it comes across, but overall it’s pretty clear that were meant to be sympathizing with Angel, even if it’s in poor taste to do a pop song over horrific abuse, which it absolutely is. It does fit his character overall, it’s how he copes. He takes control of his sexuality in order to hold onto some facet of control over his life, even if that means distancing himself from reality and constantly putting himself in dangerous situations. But like I said, something has to ruin any good thing within the show. It was extremely poor taste to put Poison and Loser, Baby right next to each other. I understand they wanted to add levity after the darkness of the previous section, but it’s poorly done to have The Arbiter (I forgot both his character’s name and his actor’s name and this is way funnier) go “oh I understand your plight! I’m a gambling addict!” Like no. Those aren’t comparable. I understand the point of it, it’s just horribly done because the team of writers who worked on the show were so chock full of ideas and they couldn’t reign it in to focus on other elements and space out these character arcs.

Angeldust in general suffers from wasted potential. You can see the potential of his character in the obvious arc they were trying for, that sinners can not only be redeemed but that anyone no matter how “far gone” they may believe themselves to be can come back from a horrific situation, or even can take some control. They can choose to do better, and can choose not to let their hardships define them and instead influence them in a healthy way. You can see the pieces of the arc they wanted, but because there’s all of 2 or 3 scenes dedicated to it in total it doesn’t come across like an earned change in Angel’s character. He just. Is suddenly a good person now. All of his progress started in one episode, was never expanded upon, and otherwise happened off-screen and was only really addressed towards the very end.

They completely tossed Sir Pentious’ potential out the window. He just. Comes around to the gang and is a good guy after the first episode he’s introduced. Doesn’t even TRY to space it out in any way. It’s just like. Yup. Sure is a good guy now. Found family!!! Yippee!!! It just doesn’t feel earned. It feels like there was no buildup or actual work into changing. He’s just. Basically good now just because. His egg boys are my favorite though, unironically love those little guys. Besides that though, there’s clearly some small sliver of growth shining through with him. He goes from a timid demon, unwilling to just be openly vulnerable and instead coming across as pathetic, to a confident and slightly more assertive demon who can take charge and be honest with himself about what he cares about. And then he gets disintegrated the moment after this for a cheap laugh. And then he… goes to heaven??? Idk how that works and why other demons aren’t already in heaven then???

Lucifer. Hated how he was done. Like okay, I like him as a character, but the actual function he served in the plot was to resolve Charlie’s daddy issues in half an episode and then disappear for most of the rest of the show so he could come back in at the end and handily stomp Adam without even trying. Thereby completely removing the win from Charlie and her friends. Like. They really could have had something with the ending if he wasn’t in the show at all so Charlie would have to win this battle with Adam by the skin of her teeth with the help of all the friends at the hotel to, at the very least, try and tie together these people into a cohesive unit.

The dragons appearing for half a second and then immediately getting killed. Like why even bother including them?!?!

Oh my god. They didn’t even focus on the redemption aspect. Literally the entire premise of the hotel and they cast aside that entire plot idea so they can focus on the slaughter instead of. Um. Actually interesting funny episodes about demons trying to redeem themselves??? Like I think we should be seeing the hotel get more populated throughout the season with different demons who DO want to redeem themselves and give up some of their vices to get into heaven. But nah, let’s have 8 episodes of meandering plot with no consistency in terms of pacing or time in between episodes. Let’s just completely throw out that whole entire original idea, we just have too many good ideas guys we need to include everything!!!! Like idk maybe I’m not articulating this part well but it’s such a wasted opportunity. They could have had this first season be an episodic relatively formulaic series of episodes where Charlie is trying to prove to herself and to the rest of the demons of hell that she can and WILL help these souls be redeemed one demon at a time. So we meet a new character every episode and get a rundown of why they’re in hell and then we get Charlie trying to determine how to properly address the core issue causing their sin in the first place, and then that character kind of gets relegated to the background. We can actually see the progress of the hotel in a very consistent easy to follow way, and instead of focusing on this half baked plot line about Heaven coming down to purge the numbers in Hell (which could help to set the stage for the stakes still but be relegated to the background). We would instead be focusing on the actual premise of redeeming the demons and proving to heaven that they can be saved. And we could still have this plot line of the angels coming down to kill demons once a year, and Charlie trying to stop the next one from happening. Maybe Adam gives her a number of demons she needs to redeem by the time the next purge would be, and then even if she reaches it he goes “haha no we’re gonna fucking come kill you anyway” which would let them get into it in the next season and explore the hypocrisy of heaven still in a more cohesive and earned way. Like yeah, Charlie ACTUALLY did her best and she ACTUALLY managed to show that demons, on a base level, are capable of change if they see the benefit of changing. But nah. They did all of it in the worst most uncontrolled way possible with no restraint.

I did not care for the way the plot was paced out. In fact, I would say the worst part about the show was the pacing. Even people who liked the show thought it was poorly paced, and it is. They did eight episodes. EIGHT. Each one 20 minutes, and Vivziepop couldn’t help herself but to try to cram in each and every single idea she possibly had into the season. A season where they KNEW they had another season lined up. They had 10 writers. More writers than fucking episodes for God’s sake, and they decided not to attempt to pace it out using the knowledge that they had another season to work with. Nah they just decided not to let any of their scenes breath, let’s cram in constant cuts, constant dialogue, constant jokes. Oh and we NEED to have 2 songs per episode. Episodes that were woefully underwritten to begin with. They could have only done just ONE musical number per episode and at the very least this would have given them more room to breath with the rest of it. But nah. Gotta cram in as many underwritten musical numbers as physically possible and further destroy the pacing.

I hated every musical number. They aren’t interesting fun songs to me, they aren’t lyrically good or subtle or funny, and almost every singer is pitch corrected for no reason. I’m not gonna talk about any of the numbers individually, as it would get redundant. They would have appealed to me at 12 in terms of their comedic value.

I could genuinely keep going here, I have a ludicrous amount of thoughts about this show. It’s incredibly disappointing for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it was made, and I’m glad the audience that loved it DID love it so so much, I am appreciative of the fact that it was originally an indie project that could have had an even worse go of things. But they did not do the original pilot justice and it sucks to see. HH could have been one of my favorite shows, or at least one I appreciate greatly for what it managed to do, but as it is it’s a half baked overstuffed pastry of pure ambition and hubris, with none of the charisma to pull that off. From a story writing perspective, it’s very poorly executed and does not properly explore any of the concepts it touches on.

I will never escape Hazbin Hotel. It infects every single corner of the internet that I interact with. Memes from the least funny people you know with random pictures of these characters, characters which, themselves, also aren’t funny keep cropping up in group chats and discord servers, and every time I hear about the show it makes me see fucking red. I HAD to get this shit out somewhere because the only partner I have that would be interested in talking about the show itself actually kind of likes it and I know they would hate to hear me endlessly shitting on it.

And if you managed to get through this long as fuck text post, and you’re a mega fan of this show, just know that I’m so glad you got something out of it. I just thought it was poorly done.

And for everyone else who managed to read through the whole thing, thanks for taking the time this thing turned out to be so so long.

Anyway. That’s just like, my opinion, man.

[mynameisjeffers]

14/11/2022

        Sweet Jesus it’s time for my once a year blog post lmao. I’m currently sat at HOME in Bristol, listening to Sincerity is Scary, by The 1975. Eli is next to me, I think they’re watching some crappy Dwayne Johnson film on Netflix.

        Trying to think about what’s happened since my last post, an awful lot of everything with a whole load of nothing thrown in too! I’m still at uni, though I’m in the middle of repeating a year. I got behind with my work, missed some important deadlines. I managed to get extensions but surprise surprise I missed those too, so I’ve had to repeat a year. I’ll now be 31 when I graduate, I started studying at 26 for Christ sake! 

        Last year, as part of an assignment, I was part of a small group that made a short film. We were given scripts by students that had graduated, and had to shoot it. The script we got was cool. It was about a date that was actually a set up by the Protagonist, she knew that the Antagonist was a murderer and overall scumbag. We shot the film at my pub, The Kings Head, which was super stressful. Ideally when shooting a film, the set needs to be deathly silent, but that meant filming at like 11:30, earliest. Which would then keep the managers there suuuuper late... So we went with what we could. So timing was an issue. Then there was the over-inflated ego’s of the Producer and Director. I thought I had a really good relationship with the Director, he was on all of my modules and we always had good fun, but the role just went to his head. He thought he knew best and didn’t want to take any sort of input from ANYONE, even though it was a GROUP project. It resulted in the film being rushed, and scenes being chopped together with no real fluidity. It’s displayed in the final edit too, someone will be sat down in one shot, stood up in the next, then sat down again? It was all just a mess. However, when the Director sent me the edited video, for me to then edit the sound files and marry them up, once completed I did feel a sense of pride about it.  Yes it was disjointed and yes it was extremely amateur, but it was the first film I’ve ever been a part of making. I guess I do look back at it with some sense of joy..

        Another project I did during last year of uni was screenwriting, we were told to write a script for a short film OR pilot episode of a TV series. I opted for a pilot show, over the dozens of uni assignments I’ve completed now, this was easily my favourite. The inspiration for my script came from me thinking what is my worst case scenario of the next 10 years of my life. The resulting script ended up being quite dark, naturally, with a man who works a dead end job, having completed nothing with his life, relationships fallen apart and nothing going for him. But honestly, I was super proud of how it came out! It’s one of the few uni assignments I’ve ended up continuing after the deadline, I’m going to write the whole season out - 7 episodes - just for my own fun!

        What else has been going on... OOO I’ve been talking with a girl. It’s so weird, me and Nish were playing Apex with some randoms and she joined. We had a great night enjoying the fact we didn’t have an absolute toxic twat for a team mate, added each other on Discord and that was that! Then out of the blue a few weeks ago she messaged me asking if I still played. From then we haven’t stopped talking. It’s so strange but I feel such a connection to this person, someone who I’m yet to meet in real life, but I’ve felt I’ve known her for so long. After feeling invisible for so long I’m starting to feel seen, acknowledged again. I really REALLY hope this grows into something more man, she’s lowkey my dream girl tbh.

[jackoshadows]

Rafe’s Q&A on twitter

And on here courtesy of u/crowz9:

Q: Will we see more than one of these cities in season 2? Cairhien, Tear, Falme

A: Yes

Q:  I have to ask. Gawyn (and I guess the lesser brother Galad) actually beat Mat in the warder training yard in the show right? Theres no way they lose on screen is there?

A:  This is an iconic scene from the book and we are building to a believable version of it in the show.  Hopefully.  Ha.

Q:  I have a cheat question about season 1. What was the biggest change in episode 8 that was brought by COVID restrictions compared to what you had originally planned?

A:  The thing I like the least was we originally had Egwene using the Wisdom skills she’d learned in the pilot from Nynaeve to help her after the channeling in Fal Dara.  But last minute Covid changes on the day didn’t allow for the same amount of touching so it got switched and I (melting face emoji)

Q:  How much has the making of process changed in between seasons especially with how the pandemic affected season 1?

A:  It’s certainly affected us in ways both huge and small, but by the end of Season Two it had become so second nature that MULTIPLE TIMES I poured a coffee into my mask and was confused why it didn’t go into my mouth

Q:  What’s your favourite scene with Donal Finn, and why is it him blowing the horn?

A:  #LetDonalToot is now the rallying cry of a generation

Q:  Which books make it into season 2?

A:  Pieces of 1,2 and 3.

Q:  Blink twice if we see more than one Forsaken!

A: (two relieved face emojis)

Q:  How far into the books will this season take us, know the EF5 are much more split up than EotW

A:  We are trying to get a fair amount of what’s done in Books 1-3 (large parts still being held for later) by the end of S2 so that S3 can be a much closer adaptation of TSR

Q:  In comparison to season one, how much queer rep is there going to be?

A:  It depends on how many great memes you churn out.

Q:  When will Rand’s luscious curly locks return?

A:  Ask @joshastradowsk1 He should be growing them now :)

Q:  Maybe you can open with an explanation of why you had the entire seanchan ever victorious navy unleash everything they had on a poor little girl on the beach, or how you had the forces of Fal Dara hard charging the BACK OF THEIR OWN DEFENSIVE FORTIFICATION.

A:  That girl had it coming.  So did the entire coastline and all its cities

Q:  Is Liandrin’s friend a <ahem> North Harbor friend, a Darkfriend, or both?

A:  I wouldn’t tell you even if you used a weave of compulsion

Q: Why did you guys decide not to make the dagger instant death like the books? How did Loial survive being stabbed by *the* dagger?

A:  That’s a story best told in a stedding

Q: describe S2 using only alcoholic beverages please

A:  Spiked Kaf

Q: Do the Seanchan still use the ball gags on the Damane?

A:  I’ve never seen a ball gag on a damane

Q: Pretty sure I saw Uno in the behind the scenes - interested in how that is possible after last season...

A:  He’s breathing.  Watch close

Q: Can you tell us how much you will be expanding on the forsaken in this season?

A:  It’s a big point of difference from the books in S2.  We will spend more time with any Forsaken who’s in the show, more how the later books treat the Forsaken than necessarily Books 2 or 3 did

Q: Hopper?

A:  THANK YOU.  WHY IS NO ONE EVER GIVING HOPPER THE RESPECT HE DESERVES.  OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: HOPPER IS IN S2

Q: favorite Season 2 two person scene with only the character names and no more

A:  Egwene Renna

Q: Since most of the main characters split up geographically at the beginning to tGH, will the next seasons keep them on parallel timelines for a convergence at Falme? In which case, the Portal Stones left a time gap of ~4 months for Rand's group; easier to do on a page or on film?

A:  Time gaps are very difficult moving to the medium of television with the stories intercutting, but we try to do as much as we can to avoid one hour cross continent dragon flights

Q: favourite type of gin, and also, can you drop a hint about something you're looking forward to us seeing in season 2?

A:  Your pic makes me excited about where Liandrin’s character goes in S2.  We are so so lucky to have the amazing  @katefleetwood in the show and you will love, hate, and love to hate her LiLi

Q:  Any hints on Moiraine’s journey in season 2? A:  It’s much expanded from her Book 2 story. But built out of the core of that and of a couple relationships that were not explored in the books

Q:  Did everything happen as planned this season or did you guys have to change anything (as in the last 2 eps of season 1)? A: There were unforeseen changes as we shot S2 immediately after wrap of 107 and 108.  But that’s making television.  Anyone who tells you there weren’t unforeseen changes on their show is lying

Q: Are you sticking with the fun cold opens? A:  Yep!   It’s our ode to the out of POV chapters in the books and we will always have them

Q:  What new character/actor are you most excited to introduce us to? A:  There are so many — Aviendha, Elayne, others that have been both announced but not announced, and of course Bayle Domon

Q:  Does Mat get to wander the Tower practice yard, and do we learn of Jearom? A:  Get your Origins on!!!

Q:  Will we get “Do you like to dance, Perrin Aybara”? A:  Yes.

Q:  Can you tell us what role Xelia Mendes-Jones will play please A:  Xelia is playing the role of knocking their scenes out of the fucking park every time they stepped on set.

Q:  Which new cast member gave you the best “Yep! THAT’S _(insert character name)_!” moment in season 2 filming? A:  I think this moment will be in the first or second trailer of season 2.  It lives rent free in my mind at all times

Q:  How many episodes will@Season 2 be? If only 8 again, will they be longer? A:  They are longer than first season, but yes, still only 8

Q:  Are the Wheel of Times Origins cannon to the tv show or just a pretty (amazing) side piece where the stories of origins aren’t the mythology used in the show? A:  Canon

Q:  which character had his plot changed the most compared to the books? A: Mat.  But we try to bring the characters back to where they should be by the end of S2.

Q:  What is the journey like for Moiraine and Lan in season 2 with their bond still masked A:  Another big departure point for us from the books is making much more story for Moiraine and Lan.  We aren’t sitting these two amazing actors on the bench for a season, so we take what’s in Book 2 for them and expand it in a huge way.  That’s all I can say.

Q:  please tell us gawyn won’t be likable please please please you can’t do this to me A:  I love every character I write.  I think you have to find a way to

Q: Will weaves appear the same in the coming season(s)? Congrats on S3 btw! A:  They’re getting a bit of a revamp for S2.  Threads and colors and bears oh my.  But no bears.

Q:  First off, G&T is divine. Second, I want to know if you get more chances to expand the dialog more to let us see the characters better? A:  We are always trying to.  Lots of one on one scenes that didn’t get shot or didn’t make the cuts.  But I’m always fighting for them, I think that’s where the characters really live or die, and our actors can always deliver when it’s just 2 people in a room talking

Q:  What was the scene you dreamed of bringing alive the most and have you filmed it yet? A:  That scene is in the final episode of the show

Q:  Is the Darkfriend Social gonna be in the show? A:  Yep

Q:  Does Rand get his Red and Gold outfit this season? I can’t wait to see Josha officially in it A: (smiling face with open hands emoji)

[marjansmarwani]

Hope you'll share your thoughts after watching the whole episode 🙊

I don’t know if they’re coherent, but you can have them Anon. Most of it was recorded via texts to a friend because I figured if I was going to suffer I wasn’t going to do it alone, so now you all get to take the journey with me too!

I was rewatching the episode to see if any of it hit different given the new information we’ve learned in the past couple of episodes and boy did it ever. I was thinking specifically about the fact that as of 3x08 we know that when the pilot happens TK has only been sober for about 2 years at best, assuming he got clean after that stint in rehab and stayed that way until his OD in the episode (which I do think is the case).

The first thing I noticed was that in the scene where TK is asking Owen for his opinion on the proposal and Owen tells him he’s happy for him, he really is. That’s not something I ever doubted, but something about knowing more about the circumstances (and the fact that Alex is probably TK’s first long term relationship since getting sober, but that’s another post that I think @doublel27 already wrote), it really hits different. He is happy for him, and probably proud too. He’s looking at him as he gets back into the fire truck and probably thinking about how he’s come so far and how good it is to see him stable and clean and happy.

(We all know how that ends up but that’s not the point right now.)

Another thought I had (definitely the most distressing one) was in the scene where Owen gets his diagnosis. One of the first questions he asks is if he’ll make it to TK’s wedding. Obviously that never happened but my immediate thought was that sure, he will when it happens at the beginning of season 4, but Gwyn won’t. And that’s just too many feelings, frankly. I would like to go a day without having to think about that fact but so far the outcome doesn’t look likely.

After that distressing detour and then the overdose scene, the next thing I was struck by was TK’s plea to Owen to not report it because “the last thing he needed was to suspended.” @justaswampdemon and I have discussed the idea in the wake of 3x08 that Owen very likely knew that TK was not okay in the time leading up to Gwyn taking him to rehab. Whether it was because he didn’t know what else to do or because there was a waitlist for that/any rehab place he kept him at work probably so he could keep an eye on him, but also because he knew that having to show up for his shifts was very likely the only thing keeping him alive at that point.

TK tells Gwyn that he never missed a shift and I’m sure people were starting to realize something was up. For all his flaws I am certain Owen noticed too, and I’m sure he and Gwyn had discussed it. I think that Owen understood that in a way Gwyn couldn’t because it’s also his favorite questionable coping mechanism TK is a lot like him in that sense, and it’s probably a learned behavior. TK justified it in his mind that as long as he was able to show up to his shift on time and do his job, he was doing okay. And Owen latched onto that too because every shift TK showed up to was one more day he hadn’t killed himself with his addiction. So when TK pleads to not be suspended I could see Owen thinking back to that and knowing that taking him off the job was only going to make things worse so he agrees to report it as an accidental overdose. Is it the smartest or most responsible choice? Probably not, but I can see where he’s coming from given what we know now.

On a lighter note somehow in all the times I’ve watched this episode I missed that after the baby rescue they were apparently going viral with #dreamteam? And that’s just so fucking adorable? Mostly I just love seeing them all meeting (yes, I am including TK and Carlos in this but not just them) and knowing how important they will all become to each other. It does my heart good to reflect on that.

The last thing I picked up on was in the last discussion between Judd and Owen. I will never be over how much I thought Judd was supposed to be the character we were supposed to hate and how that lasted all of half of an episode, but the thing that struck me this time was something Owen says to him when he breaks down by the fire truck.

When they’re upstairs Judd tells him he barely has the lid on it. He says that “if he takes it off he’s not sure he can get the monster back in the cage.” When they’re downstairs later, after Judd sees the memorial wall Owen tells him “the monster is coming out either way,” and up until last week’s episode, we never really had a clear picture of how Owen coped after 9/11. There’s still a lot we don’t know but before we knew that he threw himself into his work and that he and Gwyn had fought about it. In the last episode he talks about it more, how he was drinking more in addition to burying himself at work. How he and Gwyn were fighting often enough and badly enough that the parrot was bothered enough to get involved and hold a grudge against him for almost 20 years. Knowing all that his assurance to Judd that there will be no avoiding the feelings puts so many things in a new light. It falls into the pattern I’ve noticed of them slowly peeling back Owen’s facade and I’m really hoping they keep going with that because the man is primed for a downward spiral and now putting new episodes up against earlier ones, I do think they might actually be setting that up.

[anasticep]

Why Julie and the Phantoms is a masterpiece of a show. Part 1 of 3

· NOTE: if somehow you happen to like my gifs, please, feel free to use them. But, please, don’t crop or change.

· NOTE 2: This meta has been flourishing in my mind for quite a long time, but it was @catty-words meta on Perfect Harmony that inspired me to actually put it all on paper

· NOTE 3: I planned two parts of this, but ended up with far more gifs than a post allows. I dunno. Not sure if anyone will actually be interested in this rumbling. Probably it won’t even be a new and outstanding thinking. I’ll see how it goes.

What sets a good show apart? I’ll tell you exactly this: the pilot and the finale.

Whether it’s a season finale or a grand finale, it doesn’t matter for a scenario. People tend to forget the middle, that’s why all we remember about LOST is this weird full of dead people church that simply left the fans heartbroken. But frankly speaking, LOST ended so much better then most modern shows. And honestly I get why it’s so hard to keep track on things after 6 years and such a long row of characters. That’s why making a season in one take is so much better, when writers do not depend on what the fans think or like or ship. They simply do their job.

Do I need to say that our brain clearly remembers everything we throw at it? We think we forget, but that’s not quite true. That’s also the reason how we distinguish what we like and dislike – we remember all the small things and foreshadowing. Also that’s why we keep re-watching the shows we love: we simply acknowledge what our brain already knows. We simply find that thread that links everything together.

And they can be simple things. But first on what made this script a masterpiece for me: first and last scenes in the studio (+some things from 0102 band circle scene of 0109).

1. The Studio Intro

In 0101 Julie hesitates to go in the garage. She was reluctant to go in the first place. It signifies everything she’s lost: mother, music, voice. She inhales deeply, steadying herself. She can do this.

In 0109 it’s quite the opposite. She wanted to go there even though she knew the guys had already crossed over. Now this place signifies everything she gained back and more: music, voice, friends and, of course, a way back to her mother. She did it.

And this is a perfect visual explanation of the line “It’s not what you lost, it’s what you gain raising your voice to the rain”

2. The Band Intro

Can you see it the way I see it? It’s not a coincidence, it’s been done on purpose. Julie is mortified both times but for completely different reasons. In 0101 she is scared OF them. In 0109 she is scared FOR them. It’s so heartbreakingly beautiful it even hurts.

3. Personal space

In 0101 Julie and Luke are both scared of each other. See that extra step she did to push him away? Or the way he acts as if Julie is really a witch that could curse him? And who needs any personal space in 0109? These scenes show their journey in the best way possible.

4. You have to leave

In 0101 after accepting the fact that she was sane enough and these three ghosts really existed Julie is simply annoyed. She orders them to leave. She doesn’t what them to exist in her life. She has no time to deal with these dead cute boys. She wants them gone.

In 0109 after acknowledging that their plan has failed she also wants them gone. She orders them to leave again. But she wants to save them and for now that’s the only way she can think of. It’s better than not existing at all, even if it means not existing in her life.

And just look at the directing. The shots are almost twins! Julie mimics the scene from 0101 almost entirely, although it hits on a different level. I don't exactly know why it makes me so excited, probably I'm just very tired of mediocre scripts.

5. Maybe she’s a witch

I’m sure she is at least to some extent. It’s such a wonderful foreshadowing. I hope in season 2 we'll find out more but I think the perception on this in "Feels like I’ve opened my eyes again" by @pink-flame is very close if not almost entirely accurate to what I thought about season 2 and all this magic thing. Such a masterpiece of a fanfiction btw, I wish I found the show sooner and was reading it chapter by chapter. One of the best things I've read so far in any fandom.

6. Attached to our souls & 7. She's warming up to us

Do I need to say much? That’s the magic Julie has: her love for these boys. They are attached to her soul.

8. We had nowhere else to go

To think about it, they didn’t need Julie’s permission to stay in the first place. Like… How on earth would she even get rid of them? But that’s what defined these friendship from the start. They asked for permission in 0101 and in 0109 Luke’s words are almost apologetic that they ended up in her garage again.

9. I'm sorry we came into your life

Again, look at how both episodes have been shot. 0101 they stand apart, not knowing anything about each other yet. They both are not very comfortable with the whole situation and Luke voices what Julie might be thinking: why me? In 0109 Julie answers her past self that it was a blessing and a miracle. They are the closest they've ever got to be and the most sincere.

10. I have space for only one more gif and I'm simply fond of this parallel. We need a Witch!Julie AU)))))

________________________

Due to the pics limit I have to stop here. But there is so much more to say. So stay tuned to see Parts two and three if you liked this one. God, I hope you did

[starilicious]

ishq wala love (echo x gn!reader)

》 summary: reader comforts an insecure echo after the end of tbb episode 4 "cornered" about having mechanical parts as part of his body.

》 word count: ~2.2k

click here to read on AO3

》 warnings: slight sensory overload, mild panic attack (i think it could be classified as relatively vague in regards to the description), insecure echo about his body, a teensy bit of in universe swearing, lots of flufffff and a dash of angst here and there, no use of y/n [if i should add more warnings, please let me know!]

》 spoilers: extremely mild ones from tbb episode 4 "cornered"

》 a/n: hello! this is my first tbb fic, so i really hope i do the show, the characters, and the fandom justice hehe ^_^ over the past few days, i've become obsessed with tbb fics, particularly the echo x reader ones bc my GOODNESS this man is such a soft bean who deserves all the love in the galaxy. as a result, please enjoy this sleep-deprived frenzy of a fic that i wrote at 1 am and let me know your thoughts! :)

》 misc. notes:

• title of the fic is from the hindi song "ishq wala love" from the film student of the year. i've linked the song (in blue) with some pretty good english translations in case you would like to take a listen, but it isn't necessary for the fic–i just thought it fit well!

• i kind of got way too invested in building up the environment at the beginning, so apologies if it seems like a slow start! i just had to indulge in having the other characters there too <3

• please ignore the inaccuracies of the havoc marauder. i don't really know what the ship looks like, especially the living quarters, so i unintentionally ended up using the ghost from swr to guide my writing for that part.

• what the reader says at the end about the word in love in her native language is true. the language i'm referring to here is hindi, and we have several different words for love. in my very humble opinion, i think it’s one of the many characteristics of the language that makes hindi so sweet-sounding and poetic :)

• THANK YOU FOR 100 NOTES OMG AHHH YOU ALL ARE TRULY AMAZING 😭<333 (7/1/2021)

After Tech piloted the Bad Batch away from Pantora and safely entered hyperspace, you all decided to turn in to get some rest–or at least attempt to. With the bounty hunter scare, you and the boys figured it would be best to discuss what to do tomorrow morning, for Omega’s sake.

You tucked Omega in with her doll and offered her a comforting smile. “Don’t worry ‘Meg,” you said softly, running a gentle hand through her cropped blonde hair. “You’ll be safe, I promise. You’re stuck with us for life.”

Omega smiled sleepily at your teasing and held her arms out for a hug, one which you gladly indulge. “Sweet dreams, love,” you murmur as you let go. You shut off the lamp in her makeshift room and closed the curtains as you climbed down the ladder.

You turned around to find Hunter looking at you from his seat in front of the blinking controls. You raised an eyebrow as you plopped down in front of him unceremoniously, the exhaustion of the action-packed day catching up to you.

"You're good with her," he murmured as you both glanced at the light beige divider and you shrugged in response.

"Just looking out for her. Besides, you're not so bad yourself. She mimics your every move," you grinned. Hunter chuckled fondly as he recalled the memory where they were all stuck in the Kaminoan prison cell and Omega copied his every gesture.

The two of you lapsed in a comfortable silence as you mulled over the day's events, the hum of the ship thrumming beneath your feet.

"We'll be okay. It's tiring and difficult and none of us know how to raise a child, but we'll be okay," you said, breaking the quiet with optimism. You placed a hand on Hunter's shoulder and smiled. "Crosshair will be okay too. Have faith."

Hunter sighed but nodded in agreement as he put his hand over yours. "Goodnight," he said as he stood up, stretching his muscles.

"Sleep well."

You sat at the small table for a few more minutes to think before standing up yourself. You quickly checked in on Tech in the cockpit since he was on watch, and he immediately shooed you away, insisting you get some sleep. You had a feeling he only did so to optimize the ship in peace without distractions.

Nevertheless, you obliged and left him alone. Walking to the back of the ship, you completed your rounds. Wrecker was snoring loudly and you stifled a laugh. At least he was sleeping well–it was all you could ask for really. But frankly, you had no idea how Crosshair was ever able to sleep through it. Thinking about him and seeing his empty bunk made your heart pang in loss, but you were as determined as the rest of them to somehow bring him back. You had to.

You opened the door to Hunter and Tech’s shared room to find Hunter already sleeping soundly and you quickly left. With his enhanced senses, he was already a light sleeper, and compounded with his responsibilities as a leader, he rarely got any rest. You worried for him.

Last stop was your and Echo's room. You stepped in to find the light still on. Echo was sitting on the floor in front of your bunk, staring at the ground.

"Hey there handsome," you joked lightly in an attempt to get his attention and mask your unease. Echo usually only came near your bunk when something was wrong and after everything that happened today, it was safe to say you were concerned.

Echo didn't respond. Did he hear me? You make your way over to your lover and sit down in front of him. You place your hands on top of his.

"Echo, honey?" You said softly and finally finally he looked up at you. Your heart dropped into your stomach.

"Oh, darling," you breathed and you moved to his side to envelop him into a hug, his head resting comfortably in the crook of your neck. You didn’t say anything more–you saw the deep pain swirling in his eyes, the grief, the loss. The anger. You let Echo take the lead; you knew how difficult it was to wrangle raging thoughts and muster them into words.

You didn’t know how much time passed of you two sitting on the floor, breathing each other in before Echo spoke.

“Today… when we went on the supply run, I was dressed as a droid.”

You bit your lip, knowing exactly where this was going. But you didn’t interrupt, letting him continue. Your thumb rubbed absentmindedly on his arm as you listened.

“That vendor we were talking to wouldn't take what we had. And then he saw me,” Echo took a deep breath. You stayed quiet, holding his hand in a manner that you hoped soothed his anxieties at least a little bit.

“Hunter sold me as a droid to him. I-I know he doesn’t see me as a droid. I know that. But–” Echo’s voice cracked. He cleared his throat of the emotion building up. Echo didn’t know how to express what he wanted to say. He didn’t even want to speak it aloud–that would make it feel too real. And Echo severely doubted he could handle the heartbreak. Can I do this?

“Cyar’ika,” he murmured and you hummed in response. Echo pulled away from you, his hand still in yours. Now or never. “I need you to be completely, absolutely, 100% honest with me,” he whispered. Echo steeled his expression, doing his best to hide how terrified he truly was.

You nodded because of course you would be. When were you not?

But the way Echo gazed at you threw you off. Something was wrong, very wrong. You were almost scared of what he would say next, but you made a gesture for him to say what was on his mind. Clearly, this was important.

“Do you really want to be with me when I’m just–” Echo struggled with the last few words and you strained to pick them up with how they caught in his throat. “–a pathetic, disgusting, hybrid machine?” It’s out, I said it. I said it. Echo felt like he couldn’t breathe, the pressure on his chest too much, too much. He stared down at the floor, face flooded with shame.

You stared at him in blatant disbelief, eyebrows furrowed and mouth open from a shocked laugh. No no no Echo. You’re nothing of the sort. You didn’t move. Echo’s breath hitched as he looked back up at you, broken and open and raw.

“Don’t lie, please don’t lie to me. I know there's no way you could ever love me when I… when I look like this,” Echo whispered, but he may as well have shouted with the way the blood was rushing through your ears.

And then something in you snapped.

You removed your hands from his and placed them on his cheeks, pulling him in until your foreheads were touching. “Echo, you need to listen to me,” you instructed and heaved a breath as you tried to sort your own rushing thoughts into articulated words. But the effort was futile as your careful speech turned into a haphazard and passionate stream of consciousness.

His eyes glistened with unshed tears and your heart broke into pieces. Echo gave you all of his attention. What are you going to say? He didn’t want you to agree, but he would understand if you did. Echo felt disgusted with himself. The walls were closing in on him. Breathing was getting harder.

“You are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t give one flying banthashit about any of your mechanical parts. If anyone ever says anything about them, they’re di’kuts and you can send them my way because I will not hesitate to punch some sense into them,” you spat with pure determination, not even noticing the Mando’a slip. After being surrounded by clones for so long, you absorbed bits and pieces of the language. You didn’t even register how Echo picked up on the word, much too focused on getting your point across. You were a person on a mission and nothing would stand in your way.

The knot in Echo’s stomach was loosening a bit, the storm in his mind beginning to break. The walls were a bit farther from him. He wasn’t drowning in his own presence anymore.

“Because you know what? You’re still my Echo. You’re a man, my dear. Not a machine. You never were, and never will be. These parts?” you gestured to his scomp link, his legs, the cybernetic implant in his head. “They mean nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don’t focus on them.”

You smiled sadly as you rubbed your thumbs gently on his cheeks. “I fell in love with you, Echo, not your body. I love the way you make me laugh, the way you comfort me, the way you cry with me. As much as I kriffing hate that you have been through so much pain because of those damned Separatists, I’m grateful for the fact that I’m in love with a man who would do anything for his family, for his brothers.”

A tear slipped down your cheek as you remembered Fives coming back home from the Citadel but no Echo in sight. You would never admit it to anyone, but you swore a piece of you had died that day.

Echo felt like he was going to cry. The pressure that had been building up in his chest was releasing. He could breathe again, slowly, slowly. His only focus was you, was your words. The artificial lights didn’t seem to be as glaring now. They were softer, calmer.

“Echo, my love, even through it all, you not only survived, but you came out on top, victorious,” you paused, briefly overcome with how much love and gratitude you had for this wonderful man. “You came back to me, Echo, and you’re as handsome as ever. I have never stopped loving you, and never will. Don’t you ever forget that darling.”

Echo drew in a shaky breath. The harsh cold of the floor grates was biting into his skin, but he didn’t care. It grounded him as much as your warm touch on his face. He could breathe again. My cyar’ika.

Your fiery and passionate emotional speech came to an end as you stared into your lover’s eyes. There was so much more you could say, but you feared words would not be able to convey it all. You hoped your eyes would be enough to soothe his pained and tired soul.

Silent tears trailed down Echo’s face and you gently brushed them away as you pulled him into a tight hug. It was all you could do to not cry yourself. Echo was always so strong–you admired him for it.

“Thank you,” he whispered, voice thick with appreciation and love. You didn’t say anything. There was no need to. The charged air between you both was enough. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence on the floor of the Havoc Marauder, deep in your own thoughts.

“Ishq wala love,” you muttered fondly after some time, still caught up in your own mind.

“Hm?” Echo questioned, curious as to what you said. The soft sound gently pulled you out of the clouds and back to the man in your arms as you attempted to explain.

“There’s a phrase in my native language, ishq wala love. You see, in Basic, there’s just one word for love, which is love. But back home, we have several different words for love, each with their own subtle, but distinct meaning,” you blew out a breath as you tried to figure out what to say. Echo was hanging on to your every word.

“There’s… there isn’t really a direct translation, but the best I can come up with is that the love that we have, ishq, is much deeper than just romantic love. It’s deep and strong and pure and unyielding. It–it reminded me of us,” you admitted, a bit sheepish. Your fingers dance along Echo’s scomp link, nervous.

Echo took a moment to process your explanation before smiling. You felt your heart stitch itself back together again after seeing that beautiful smile. You would do anything to keep it on his lovely face.

“Ishq wala love,” he echoed, his pronunciation a bit off. You giggled in response. “Close enough,” you teased and Echo simply beamed. You leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on his soft lips, rubbing his metal arm gently.

Echo stood up then, offering a hand to you to help you up. You took it and he led you over to the bunk you shared together. You both quickly climbed in, relaxing in the warmth of the well worn blankets and the other’s presence.

Your head was near his chest and you could hear the soothing dull sound of his steady heartbeat. Your arm curled over his waist protectively and your head rested comfortably on his flesh arm. Echo shut off the light and you were ensconced in black velvety darkness.

“Goodnight, cyar’ika.”

“Sweet dreams, Echo. I’ll be here, waiting for you.”

please consider reblogging! it really helps me and is super encouraging ^_^

[universallongings]

top 5 scenes in The Americans

I would like you to know that I have been thinking about this since 11 p.m. yesterday and have edited and changed this list in my head about 50 times, so here we go! 

1. The tooth extraction: I’ve written probably more words about this one scene than any other in TV history, but IT DESERVES IT. With absolutely no words, the entirety of Philip and Elizabeth’s relationship is cemented for us (and for them): the trust, the intimacy, the way he knows that this is going to hurt her and does everything he can to make it less painful (the towels behind her head!), the way she holds on to him as an anchor when she knows it’s going to get harder...It’s brilliant and beautiful and the most powerful moment of intimacy I have ever seen on TV because it’s not a sex scene. And that’s what this show is all about; the fact that some things (like having your fake husband who you love for real pull a tooth out of your mouth with just some pliers and whiskey) are way more intimate than sex and it’s who you share those things with that matters most at the end of the day. 

2. Philip’s “I love you” to Elizabeth: Philip telling Elizabeth he loves her before spending his last night with Martha has SO MANY LAYERS. My favorite part of it all comes before his actual utterance of those three little words, when Elizabeth is kind of fishing for reassurance (or looking to punish herself) by asking him if he would have chosen Martha in another life. It’s the most vulnerable and human we’ve really ever seen her look, and it’s a reminder that this a woman who genuinely believes that she is hard to love. And then the absolutely certainty and slight annoyance when Philip tells her he loves her is perfect because he just...cannot understand how she would ever doubt it. His love for her is so natural and easy and RIGHT for him that the idea of her not seeing it or believing it makes no sense to him. And then there’s this moment right after when she kind of eyes him skeptically and he nods really slightly and they’re having this whole second conversation with just their eyes where he’s making sure she KNOWS and it’s SO MUCH. 

3. “With or Without You”: Nothing I watch on television will ever make me completely crumble like Elizabeth’s hands hitting the window just as Bono starts to wail and we see Paige on that platform. It’s brilliant. Every beat of it is perfectly choreographed (which makes me believe in fate because they cut this with A DIFFERENT SONG!!!) and I will yell loudly forever about what this moment means for Paige coming into her own as a woman and asserting her independence and choosing her own life, no matter how hard it will be. And then I will also yell loudly forever about Philip walking to Elizabeth and both of them not even being able to really look at each other but just not wanting to be alone in one of the hardest moments of their lives. The way “And you give yourself way” builds as Philip walks to her is such a perfect metaphor for what he’s doing in that moment—giving himself away because he knows she needs him, which is all he’s ever done. And it’s perfect and now I’m going to go see some tissues about my feelings.

4. The entire last act of “The Colonel”: Everything from Philip figuring out Elizabeth was shot to Paige snooping in the laundry room is nothing short of perfection. The tension! The heightened emotions! The use of Russian! Philip saying he’s not leaving Elizabeth -- even for his kids (we love foreshadowing)! It’s all heartbreaking and smart and character-driven in the ways the best TV is, and that was the episode that took me from loving the show to believing it was the best thing I had ever watched. 

5. Philip killing Elizabeth’s rapist in the pilot: “How did he hurt you?” With that one line, I was hooked. Because with that one line and all that comes after, we know exactly who Philip is, and we find out at the same time as Elizabeth. He’s someone who ALWAYS puts her first. She’s it. She’s the most important thing in his life. He may not know what else he believes in anymore, but the one thing he is certain of is that he loves her and will do anything for her—including murdering someone with his bare hands and giving up his dream of defecting. It’s such a perfect way to establish this character, and the fact that he never changes -- that this is always who he is -- is a sign of brilliant writing and crystal clear motivation for characters that very few TV shows possess. 

[lady-of-lyon]

So, I made one post a while back about how awesomely feminist the show Wild Kratts was, with how its two main female characters were women of color in engineering and deserving roles of power, female villains who weren’t motivated by spite or quest for youth, etc, but today I wanted to talk about something slightly different, that I’ve wanted to cover for a while now, because I also think it’s very good - and that’s how the show portrays masculinity, in a way that’s really positive!

First, we have our two main characters, Chris and Martin Kratt. Keep in mind these two are basically self-inserts - and there are plenty of creators, especially males, who have used self-insert characters in really scummy ways - all I have to say is Powerpuff Girls reboot and you know exactly what I’m talking about. Even if they weren’t literal self-inserts, male characters, superheroes especially, oftentimes serve the male power fantasy, being just the strong, stoic, all-powerful person so many boys are told they’re supposed to be. I could get into a whole discussion about how the male power fantasy is present even when males are not (ever look through a fashion magazine and wonder why there are so few men? Sure, part of it is that the industry thrives off exploiting women’s insecurities, and men aren’t as concerned for their appearance, but another part of it is so that the guy, looking through it, can feel like he has no competition for these women - there’s a reason so many comedians have jokes about fashion magazines being their sexual awakening as kids. It’s really scummy) but that’s not what this is about. So, the bros had every opportunity to do just that - make themselves these traditional heroes who aren’t actually really good role models, like batman or what have you. It’s certainly not uncommon for celebrity cartoons to do stuff like that. But Martin and Chris chose a different approach. They’re pretty strong standouts for positive masculinity. They’re openly affectionate - both with eachother as brothers, and with their friends. They cry, sometimes over little things - most of the time when big superheroes cry, it’s ‘cause they lost the girl they loved or their mentor or something like that, only in the big, most agonizing moments do they shed a tear. But here, Chris or Martin will cry just because they’ve had a bad day, or because they’re overwhelmed and overjoyed that someone named a mantis after them! In a lot of shows or movies when a guy cries over something little, it’s usually played for laughs, or to emasculate him, but here it’s casual without being unreasonable or overdone. The brothers cry just ad much, maybe even more (haven’t gone back and counted or anything) as the girls do. Not to mention, it’s a very nice depiction of a loving, healthy sibling relationship. As the youngest sibling myself, it’s refreshing to see a pair who don’t abuse eachother with noogies or cruel and snarky remarks. When they do fight, it’s never a screaming match, and also because they had a conflict of interest or disagreed over a fact, not because, say, one of them stole the other’s shirt or is neglecting the other’s feelings. Kids, being very impressionable, get exposed to a lot of abusive sibling relationships played as normal in media, and start thinking this is how siblings are and should act. For instance, my sister (who is now my best friend and has gotten over all these bad habits over time) when she was younger watched a lot of Kim Possible, a show that is great, but has a bad family dynamic with Kim and her little siblings. The “tweebs” as she calls them are always irresponsible, destructive, and making Kim annoyed to no end. My older brother was one of the most polite, reserved, kind little kids, but she still treated him like he was a brat and a nuisance, because that’s what shows like Kim Possible taught her little brothers were. Additionally, I was always treated like a spoiled crybaby who just wanted attention and got away with everything - I was not any of those things, ever, but that’s what shows teach you little sisters are. Sure, Wild Kratts has a smidge of that, with Chris seemingly being the stereotype of the know-it-all little sibling, but instead of being constantly looked town upon for being too “perfect” like with Hailey Long in American Dragon, Martin often praises his brother for his abilities. Sure, Martin gets annoyed when Chris tries to correct him on things, like in the episode Wolf Hawks, but everyone else does too, so it feels more like a take-down of mansplaining than a sibling spat.

I talked too in the feminist post about how refreshing it is that Chris and Martin more or less willingly put themselves under the authority of Koki and Aviva, two women of color. I don’t think it’s possible to say any one character is the “leader,” they all work as a evenly balanced team, but it’s safe to say that Koki and Aviva make the more responsible decisions. The bros try to get out of their calls a few times, but the show plays it more like they’re being irresponsible, and less like they’re renegade cool dudes who don’t take nothing from nobody, especially not two girls. They are pretty much always punished via karma for their reckless choices, most especially in To Touch a Hummingbird, where their arrogant attitudes blow up in their faces rather spectacularly. We also never see the narrative most present in sitcoms, where the male leads mess up and go out of their way to cover it up and ultimately gets away with it - after all, you have to root for them, right, because sure they messed up and had no consequences, but aren’t they just so lovable? No, here Martin and Chris always have to fix their wrongdoing, and it’s always deserved when they get comeuppance. Another aspect of the show I like is that, many times, when the bros get captured or are in peril, they are saved by the women - and most refreshing of all, there’s never a moment of “wink wink nudge nudge wow I can’t believe I had to be rescued by a GIRL” or even “wow you saved me you’re pretty good honey guess I shouldn’t have underestimated you, you go girl!” No, when the girls save them, it’s just - you know, relief? Because they were saved? It’s never a scenario played as an exception, or any more dire than when the bros need to rescue eachother. The bros are genuinely happy to have them as teammates. The show even did the standard “boys vs girls” episode in the form of When Fish Fly - but instead of being actually girls vs. boys, it’s engineers vs. adventurers. There’s nothing really gendered about it - the girls happen to be engineers, and the boys happen to be adventurers. And the episode doesn’t end with the boys being “wow gosh darn I shouldn’t have doubted you girls are better at everything,” it’s a mutual agreement that both parties have hard jobs. Basically, the bros are very naturally respectful of women. That plays more into their feminist narrative too, but either way, it’s refreshing.

Then, we have Jimmy! Jimmy, the lovable gamerboy pizza man. At first glance Jimmy seems like the stereotypical cowardly, pathetic, emasculated loser. He’s frightened of most things, as of yet has no power suit, and he BAKES for crying out loud! But none of these things are framed as terribly bad traits. Sure, we laugh when he screams and runs from an animal, but though it happens over and over, the crew doesn’t get sick of it. They don’t berate him or belittle him because he’s so gosh darn cowardly. There’s a great scene in Rattlesnake Crystal where Jimmy has to deliver something to the bros alone, in the middle of a spooky desert. He is terrified the whole time, sprinting off after he delivers the goods. When Martin and Chris run into him, they don’t laugh at him for being spooked, they just greet and then bid fair well to their friend. To them, this is just Jimmy, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Jimmy isn’t coddled, but he is reassured many times that he’s a valuable member of the team. I love that little message, that you’re just as important of a person even if you can’t do as much or have greater limits. When his friends do try to get him over his fears, it’s not because they have to, that the day will somehow be ruined by Jimmy’s incompetence p, but because they’re his friends, and want him to experience fun and wonderful things that he would otherwise miss out on. But what Jimmy CAN do is just as important! Jimmy is a gamer, which in a lot of shows, is portrayed as a lazy, useless, mindless hobby. But here, because he plays video games, it makes him essential for piloting the ship and teleporting important items. There’s always the joke that video games improves your hand/eye coordination, but recent studies have shown it has much better effects. It can make you much better at keeping track of multiple moving objects and processing technical but variable information- two traits which, fittingly enough, are really really important for air traffic controllers and airplane pilots! He also demonstrates a lot more courage behind the wheel of the Tortuga, which makes sense - in an impersonal setting, he would have more sense of calm and control and courage, because it’s so similar to a video game world. It’s not all too different with how I feel more emboldened to pick fights with people on the internet, but get crazy anxious if a real person so much as looks at me. So Jimmy’s love of video games isn’t because he’s irresponsible, it has real benefits. A quick last point - Jimmy also eats a lot, but they thankfully don’t make him fat or greedy or anything like that. He never takes food from people, he actually bakes, and shares it with others! Having the baker be a boy is a lovely touch.

I might do another post about the toxic masculinity of the two villains, (or four villains, I guess, if I wanna discuss the minions) but I’ve got other work to do, and this post is long enough already, so I’ll get around to it later. I’ll sum it up with this - Wild Kratts is a show that teaches boys it’s not only ok to be kind, but essential. The brothers protect defenseless animals, advocate for things “icky” and “weird,” like bugs or snakes or worms - not because they’re boys, and boys like icky things, but because they genuinely see the beauty in all life, and are encouraging us to slow down and do the same. The Wild Kratts are heroes who save the world not by being the strongest or smartest or coolest, but by looking after those who are exploited and vulnerable, who are essential to the world, even if they can’t always do everything. In Wild Kratts the only weaknesses a man can have isn’t what he can’t do, but what he does do that he shouldn’t have. Sure, it’s a cute show about two funny guys who have cool powers, but it’s also a show about accountability, compassion, respect and trust. The show says “boys will be boys” in all the right ways - Martin is a lovable goof with a heart of gold, but he still has to get his act together when he messes up, and he’s still creative and smart and openly sensitive. Chris is a bit of a know-it-all show-off, but he can also mess up as much as his brother, and is still bold, brave, adventurous, and can put his money where his mouth is. Jimmy is a cowardly, napping, eating machine video-gamer, but he’s still a valued member of the team, has incredible skills and talents, and will always help his friends, even if he is really, really scared. It is so important to have role models like these, in a world dominated by unhealthy machismo. The Wild Kratts are heroes who save the world - both animated, and real.

All they need now is a canon queer character, and I’ll stan them forever! My money’s on Aviva!!

[uglypastels]

New Beginnings // roommate!au

(a/n) I’m sorry @duskholland for coming up with these aus. the good thing about it is, that I have no self control so here it is, the New Girl!roommate!au :) i’m not gonna say it’s great, and also i’v seen like 5 episodes of the show maybe so it’s definitely my own take on the pilot. hope you like it.

word count: 6.3k

warning: swearing, sexual references (the first paragraph is as bad as it gets), dark humour and mentions of murder, sex trafficking - basically reasons why not to move in with strangers you meet off of craigslist. Please be safe and responsible. but it’s all just fluff and humour. Also, possibly some horrible writing cause i couldn’t bother editing this <3 

“And when I walked into the bedroom I found him in there, completely naked, with some slut sucking his dick… so basically, that’s why I need a new apartment.” You looked around at the three men in front of you, realising you had zoned out a bit there while telling your story. “Sorry, what was the question?” 

“Uhh,” the blonde one, which introduced himself as Harrison earlier, spoke, “Do you have any pets?” 

“Oh,” well that was embarrassing, “No, I mean I had a schnauzer when I was younger and I always wanted to get another one but who am I kidding, nothing will ever live up to Mr Snuzzlekins.” For the love of God, shut up! “No, I don’t have any pets.” You felt your entire face heating up. Suddenly you became very aware of a strand of hair that was in front of your face so you pushed it behind your ear

“Mr Snuzzlekins?” The other one, Tom, laughed with a small smile. 

“My sister named him,” you lied. You were already embarrassed as it was. 

There was a moment of silence where no one knew what to say next, so you decided to break the tension. Awkwardly laughing, you said:  “You know, the funny thing is, I didn’t expect you to be… guys.” That was true. When you had been searching through the Craigslist advertisements there had been a lot of applications for housing but you had ignored most of them because they sounded too much like human trafficking scams or some other creeps looking for a way to get a girl. You had particularly found interest in this apartment, not only because of the actual great (and safe looking) location of the building but also because you had thought that the ad was written by a woman. Not that you didn’t think a woman could murder you, but it did bring a bit more security to you to live with someone of your own gender. 

Well, as you saw three men sitting in front of you, you had guessed that wrong. They did seem nice enough though. Handsome too. You really hoped they weren’t murderers. They wouldn’t do well in prison… also, your death. Not a favourable outcome in the slightest. 

“Why’d you think that?” the third one asked. You had missed his name during the introduction round, but you already felt like you could be good friends with him. His boyish charms made you think he was younger than the other two, though he did have a very small resemblance to Tom. You found it cute how his curls bounced around when he moved his head. 

“Well, the ad, it was phrased… very femini-ninely...” That was definitely too many syllables. Could this interview go any worse? No, probably not. But the guys didn’t seem to mind your momentary idiocy. 

“Oh, yeah, we had our mum write it for us.” Tom explained, sitting a bit more straight up, “We had been trying to find someone else to live with us ever since our friend Tuwaine moved out, but we kind of suck at advertising ourselves, so yeah-” 

“Oh, well that makes sense, yeah.” Their mum wrote it. So they were a family. Brothers? Yeah probably. You didn’t really see how the Harrison guy fit into that since he didn’t look anything like the other two. Shattering blue eyes instead of the warm hazel. Dark blonde hair instead of the reddish-brown. All three had magnificent bone structure that you had to admit, but not in the same way. 

“So, what do you guys do?” you decided to ask. 

“We’re actors,” Harrison said, pointing at himself and Tom. Since you had no heart palpitating reaction when you first saw them, you could probably safely assume that they were still trying to find their break out role. Harrison pointed at the third of their addition before continuing. “Harry is more of a behind the scenes man, photography and directing, that kind of stuff.” 

“That’s… interesting.” You smiled. Were you about to move in with three wannabes? If you were, would it be inevitable that you’d end up paying the rent for all of them because they wouldn’t be able to find gigs? That was a bit harsh. Besides, you could always look for a new place before that happened and move out. And who even said that you could move in, in the first place? “Anything I might have seen you guys in? Or some of your work?” You directed the additional question to...Harry. 

Harry. Harrison. Try to remember that. 

“I’ve had a few roles on the West End, nothing big yet but once I have a role, it’s at least steady for a bit, you know,” Tom said. 

“I’ve mostly been doing headshots for people, so I doubt you’d have seen anything I’ve done.” Harry said. You nodded to his statement. 

“And Harrison has been signed with this fashion designer. You might have seen some ads around town.” Modelling. Not another model to live with. You tried not to let your smile fade. 

“No, sorry, I don’t think I have. But I’ll be on the lookout.” The grin you put up actually reached your eyes genuinely.

“So what about you?” Harrison was the one to ask, not noticing any change in your demeanour. “What is it that you do?”

“I’m a teacher. I know, not very glamorous or anything- and I might sometimes come home with an abundance of ice-lolly sticks- but it’s good fun and it pays well.” You looked around some more around the apartment. As you focused on the spacious living room of the loft, you wondered how these guys could afford it. Were their rich parents paying for it? Was there secretly asbestos in the walls, making rent not even a problem? Were they going to kill you? 

It was a really nice flat. With exposed brick walls and wooden beams at the ceiling, which the guys used cleverly to hang their houseplants from. Even with the large space and the big windows covering the outer walls of the room, it felt very homey. Comfortable. 

“I’m sure you already know, but it’s a really great place you guys got.” Compliments always worked, so that was your way to go to ensure you had a roof over your head soon. Feeling a bit more comfortable now, you decided to get up to walk a bit around the room. The reason for that specific action was unknown to you, but you did it. 

It had been the first day since your breakup that you had actually made an effort in looking presentable. Hair washed and brushed, you had clothes on that had zero Cheeto dust on it. Of course, since these were guys it probably didn’t even matter to them what you looked like but when you still thought you might be living with other women, you were terrified of being denied because of how you looked or something. That could still happen, but they just didn’t seem like the shallow type. And they had seemed really surprised when you appeared at their front door, as if they didn’t expect a girl to show up either. 

All three of them turned their heads as you walked around, following you with their eyes. It was a mix of curiosity and the same fear that you saw in people on competition shows, when they were waiting for the judges’ critique. 

You looked out the window to see the view. It was a lovely lookout on the city. 

“How come your roommate moved out?” Was it your place to ask? You had no idea. They didn’t seem to mind the question, though. 

“He moved in with his girlfriend instead.” Harry was the one to answer. A heart wrenching feeling fell over you. You didn’t know this Tuwaine, or his girlfriend, but a sudden wave of hatred towards them and their happiness overwhelmed you. Why did everyone have to be all happy and in love? It was disgusting. You were sick of it. 

“Well, I definitely wouldn’t mind living here.” Somehow you managed to speak out without showing any of your feelings through it. You allowed yourself to walk around to the kitchen island. It was recycled wood with a dark varnish on top, making the light from outside shine on it. You could almost see yourself reflecting in it. Were they this clean or had they no idea how to cook? 

“Don’t get me wrong, you seem great, but we don’t really know anything about you yet.” Tom got up and walked up to you. The other two followed his steps. You were now standing on opposite sides of the kitchen island, making you feel as if you were a bartender ready to take their orders. 

“There really isn’t much more to tell. I mean, I did just go through a break up, so emotions are uhm… out there. I might be spending the next few weeks watching horrible Hallmark movies, like 4 or 5… a day.” You saw the disgust on Harry’s face and quickly made an attempt at recovery. “But I can do that on my laptop and headphones, so ya know, I’ll be quiet. I’ll be in my room the entire time too, probably, so you might not even notice I’m here.” You tried to sell yourself as un-pathetically as possible. It had come to desperate measures in desperate times. Because, what your (possible) new roommates didn’t know, was that you had already spent the last four weeks looking for a new place, and while there was no luck in that, you had to do with sleeping on the tiny couch of your best friend. 

As if he could actually read your mind, Harrison’s next question was: “So, where have you been living the last few days then? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“Not at all,” you said, finding large interest in the pattern of the stained wood. Not looking up at the three men, “I’ve been living with my best friend. She’s great but I just don’t think I'm suited for the life she and her supermodel friends have-” Why did you mention the models? Your eyes shot up to Harrison’s. But it was Harry’s and Tom’s that were wide. 

“Supermodels?” Tom coughed out. You nodded, having leaned in with your elbows on the table, looking rather unimpressed. The way Tom’s hands grabbed for the sleeves of his roommates did not go unnoticed by you. Before you could say anything, he excused himself and the others and they had disappeared into the corridor. Earlier on they had told you that was the way to the bathroom. They were trying to whisper, but weren’t doing a great job at it. You could hear every word perfectly well. 

“What are we thinking, guys?” Tom said, closing the door behind him. When he turned around, Harrison and his brother were rubbing their arms, on the spots where Tom had been a bit too rough on his grip. Harry sat down on the edge of the bathtub, while Harrison decided to remain standing,eventually leaning against the tiled wall. There was a bright light in the small bathroom, but the vintage green tiles made it all look much darker. 

“She seems nice.” Harrison spoke up finally. “But I don’t know, she’s obviously a… she. Won’t that be weird?” 

“What do you think, Tom?” Harry asked his older brother, who, even though had been the one to pull them into the bathroom, had not planned on saying much. “You’re the one with experience in living with a woman. So try to cancel out those supermodels for a sec.”

“I don’t know,” Tom bit the inside of his cheek. Before he had moved in with his brother and best friend, he had been living with his then girlfriend, Stacey. They had been together for a while until she had decided that maybe, this wasn’t meant to be after all. Unlike you, though, the apartment had been in his name so he had a place to stay, but he just couldn’t get himself to live alone in a place that was intended on being lived in by two people. So, he moved out. 

“I mean… every girl is different, so I can’t say shit.” 

“I’m really not that bad!” you shouted from the other side of the door, immediately hiding your mouth behind your hands. Now they knew you were listening to their private conversation. The bathroom door opened and Tom’s head popped out. He saw you sitting on the couch. 

“Could you- could you hear all of that?” he pointed back into the bathroom. You nodded, still covering your mouth, scared you would say something else embarrassing. But the guys seemed to be just as abashed. One by one they walked out and came to sit on their basically appointed seats on the sofa. Did they have their own claimed seats? Would you need to be prepared to only sit in one spot of the room forever? Shit, they had all the seats with the window view… 

“So,” Harry said, “when you said supermodels-” but he never got to finish his sentence because Harrison slapped him across the back of his head. You suppressed a small laugh. It didn’t go unnoticed by Tom, who reciprocated the expression. This, in turn, was missed by you. You only looked in his direction a second later, when the smile had slightly faded already. 

“Thanks for saying that whole ‘every girl is different’ thing. Not saying I can’t cook… even if that is going along with the stereotype, but I wouldn’t exactly want to be accepted to live here as a nanny… not that I think you guys can’t take care of yourselves! I mean just look at-” you eyes wandered around them just for a second before coming back on the right track. “- at the apartment. What I mean is- uhh.” 

“Guys are dicks?” Harrison suggested. 

“Yes! No! No, of course not, well some. But I don’t think you guys are. You seem really nice. I’ve just had… experiences with living with other types of guys and that really was not the planned outcome now that I think about it and I don’t know why I can’t shut up now because I have no idea why I’m telling you all this.” 

“Is this Spencer that we’re talking about here?” Tom asked and your eyes shot to his direction, shocking even him. The name had become somewhat of a trigger for you in the last few days. At the last moment, you realised you had actually mentioned his name yourself to them during your introductory story, so that spared you a good bit of humiliation there. You decided to keep quiet. You all did. Great, because this day had not gone awkward enough. Maybe you could sink into the surface of the ground and die there? Then there would be no more reason to find any living space. It would all be over. Yeah, that really didn’t sound too bad even. 

“So, do you wanna see your room?” Harrison broke the silence and his words surprised everyone, even him. You took longer than it should have to comprehend what he had just suggested. 

“What? Uhh, yes! Yes! Oh my god, that would be fantastic. Thank you.” 

“Great,” Harrison clapped his hands on his thighs before getting up. Then he extended one of those hands to you. He led you to the corridor opposite the bathroom, the third door on the left. The door had some scraped paint residue on it and you could see a poor attempt was made at pulling off the scotch tape that held up posters on it or something? It opened up to a room. It wasn’t big or small. The wall color was a nice beige, a bit of a sandy, almost peachy color. You could definitely work with it. 

The guys let you take it in, but also took that moment to give each other death glares, most of them directed at Harrison. 

“What exactly were you thinking?” Tom asked him, this time properly whispering. For extra measure he extended his neck to look into the hallway to see if you were walking out of the room again. 

“Actually, I was thinking about how you had showed up at my door at 2 am when Stacey dumped you.”

“She didn’t dump me. No one was dumped.” Tom denied like always.

“No, you were definitely dumped, mate.” Harry said, not even making an attempt at hiding the amusement in his voice. 

“Anyway,” Harrison ignored the interaction between brothers, “I thought of you and how miserable you were then. She’s probably going through that same thing.” If not worse, he wanted to add, but he also didn’t want to edge Tom’s ego any further. “So, let’s give her a chance.” 

Tom still didn’t seem to be entirely sure. He raised his eyebrow, thinking. He looked once more at the corridor, expecting you to walk out any moment, but you still were in the room. What were you even doing there? The place was entirely empty. 

“Fine,” he gave in, “but if she turns out to be completely psychotic, you’re kicking her out, Haz.” He immediately noticed the wince in Harry’s face. Had he mistimed his words? 

Yes, he had, because you were standing right behind him now. The sight of you made his heart stop for a good second as he went pale. 

“Fucking Christ,” Tom gasped, “if you live here, you’re getting a bell. None of that sneaking around.” 

“Are we talking service, hand, cow, or the kinky cat collar type?” you smirked, knowing you had gotten him completely flustered at your joke. While Harrison and Harry burst out in laughter, Tom didn’t move a muscle. His cheeks and neck, however, had started to turn a lovely rosy colour. He opened his mouth a bit, just to close it up again as he changed his mind. 

_______________________

While you had told them that you would be spending your days crying into a pint of ice cream while watching movies, reality was much more different from that. It was true that you barely left your room, but that was because you were too busy unpacking all your things out and setting up your room. The guys were nice enough to help you bring up the furniture sets and the boxes, which had been lovingly left at the curb of the building by the people from the moving company.

That ordeal had taken up most of Saturday. Your first task was to set up the bed, which Harrison helped you with. You tried to tell him that you didn’t need help, but your words were futile the second you almost dropped a wooden plank on yourself. The flatpacks were easy enough to understand, and unlike what you had done there, you weren’t the worst when it came to building, so all the furniture was set up by the end of Sunday. It meant that you could spend the rest of the week opening boxes and making your room really yours. 

But Monday also meant work, so you only had the afternoons and nights to do it. Together with the fact that you had to leave early for work, meant that the guys really barely saw you. The only sign of your presence would be the music you were playing from your room while doing the unpacking. 

It was the fourth hour of your One Direction sing-a-long that Tom walked into the living room. Harrison popped his head up from his book to look at his friend. He did not look happy. 

“Dude,” he said. The one word already evoked all that Tom wanted to say, but Harrison loved to annoy him. 

“What?” he opened up his book again, pretending not to really pay any attention to Tom. This was made harder when Tom sat down next to him. 

“If I hear What Makes You Beautiful one more fucking time-” 

“Then what?” Harrison still kept his eyes on the words on the pages, not taking in a single word. 

“You have to do something. I can’t take it.” 

“Why do I have to do something?” Harrison closed his book with his finger still between the pages and looked at Tom, just in time to see him narrow his eyes in annoyance. 

“Really? So do you wanna see your room y/n?!” His voice turned higher as he mocked Harrison’s words, following it up by a gagging sound. “You’re the one that got us here. Now, go solve it.” 

“I really don’t mind it. If you’re so bothered, go talk to her yourself.” And with that, Harrison went back to his book. This time actually reading the words. It was enough for Tom to know that the conversation was over. He didn’t even try to argue. He gave Harrison one more glare and got up. While walking to your room, he noticed that Harry had actually been in the kitchen this whole time, listening in on their conversation. He tried to give his little brother a look, hoping for support, but he didn’t get any of that. Harry disappeared behind the doors of a cupboard and Tom went into the corridor, still rolling his eyes. 

When he reached your door, he couldn’t hear you singing anymore. It was just One Direction coming from the speakers. Now, he enjoyed the lads just as much as the next guy, but after a while he just needed it to stop. And coming in in five hours was definitely a while. 

He knocked on the door. There was a sound that resembled you. A bit of a murmur that formed no particular word. It didn’t sound like a denial though, so slowly, in case you didn't want him to come in, he opened the door. 

You were quick in decorating the room. Only a few days ago it was still empty and a bit cold looking, now the walls were covered with posters and pictures. You had used one entire wall just for your bookcase. There didn’t seem to be an order on the shelves just yet, but you left that for the last thing to do since the rest of the room seemed a bit more important at the moment.

The bed was unmade, with several pillows thrown about over it. Behind it the headboard, which simultaneously served as a shelf. Stuffed animals and a few more books were strewn about. Overhead were fairy lights, matching the ones on the doorframe and on the bookcase. Together with the lamp that was on the desk, it was the only light in the room. Since it was dark, it gave the room a warm and cozy atmosphere. 

But the first thing that Tom noticed when he walked into the room was the smell. Coconut? It wasn’t overwhelming, just strong enough to be pleasantly surprising and noticeable. 

You were standing on a small step ladder, which you usually used to reach the upper shelf of your bookcase (high walls gave the opportunity for more shelves, which you could never say no to). You were in the middle of hanging up a picture on the wall as the song from your speaker continued. 

Can we take the same road, two days in the same clothes- 

You were holding on to the frame with both hands, trying to centre it on the nail in the wall, but every time you pulled away, the frame would slant to the side. 

And I know just what she’ll say if I can make all this pain go- 

Tom saw you get fed up with the picture, throwing it on the bed with a groan. That’s when you looked up at him. The dim and soft light was shining just at the angle that when he looked at you, he could see the tear streaks down your face. You had definitely been crying. You were still sniffling a bit when you stepped down to the floor. 

“Am I too loud? Sorry.” you immediately reached out to your phone, which was connected to the speaker, and pressed down the volume. Then you decided to just turn it off completely. Maybe you’ve had enough of it for now. 

“Uhh, a bit, but it’s fine. We like 1D here, so.” Tom suddenly felt like a real dick when he saw the small, apologetic, smile you gave him. You were holding the speaker in your hands as you sat on the bed, staring at it, a bit lost, and Tom wasn’t sure if he was supposed to leave or not. 

“Are you okay?” he asked. You had clearly forgotten he was still there, because you looked up looking a bit frazzled. 

“No.” You said honestly. What would be the point in pretending? You couldn’t fool anyone even if you tried. Misery was the only thing feeling your once Spencer-filled void. Ugh, the sound of his name, even just in your thoughts, made you want to scream. Unconsciously, and a bit to Tom’s amusement, you had grabbed one of your pillows and started to hit your fist right in the middle of it. Your hits were getting harder and rougher. 

“Ever considered boxing?” He brought you out of your haze. You looked down at the pillow, seeing the sad looking indent on the kitten-patterned pillow. Tom took the pillow away from you and fluffed it out to its normal shape before putting it back.

“It’s just been hard, you know,” you said, more to yourself than to him and Tom understood that. He knew what you meant. He had been in that same position not too long ago and seeing you like this did definitely bring back some of those feelings he had tried to suppress back then. 

“Like, I thought he was the one. And I know it sounds so stupid, I don’t even believe in that whole soulmate crap, but he was it for me. For the first time, I could actually imagine myself enduring nine months of hell to have a kid with him, sorry if I’m being TMI.” 

“You’re good,” he said. He also understood that feeling. Maybe not in the exact, child bearing way, but he could resonate with that whole it thing. He had felt the same way about Stacey. He had never told anyone this, and was never planning on telling anyone, but the day before they broke up, he had been out in the city looking for an engagement ring. It had come unplanned. He wasn’t thinking yet about actually proposing. But he had been in town for an audition and on his way home he saw the jeweller. It was the first time he had ever thought of it, and it seemed right, so he walked in and just looked around. 

“You must think I’m so pathetic though. Crying for weeks about some douchebag.”

“Well, you’ve only lived here for five days, so I wouldn’t know about that.” He smirked. You groaned again and fell with your head on a big fluffy pillow. 

“But no,” he said eventually, “I don’t think you’re pathetic.” 

“Thanks.” 

_______________________

Another week had gone by and your mother had somehow found out about your new living arrangement. So, the last 20 minutes you had been sitting on the couch, listening to her yelling. 

“No mum, I’m fine.” you said, for what felt like the 50th time. Right at that moment, Harry showed up in the living room, making his way from a shower to his bedroom, only a towel around his waist. His usually curly hair was a wet mop, covering most of his face. 

“You don’t even know them!” your mother shrieked. 

“Harry, are you going to murder me?” you asked as he walked by, covering the microphone of your phone. Without missing a beat, or looking down at you, he answered with a snappy “Yup,” and walked into his own room. 

“They’re really nice guys, mum.” You told her. It took you another ten minutes to convince her not to come over tomorrow (or ever, in general). The conversation had taken an abrupt turn when suddenly, she invited you to a video call. Knowing that if you didn’t answer it, you would never hear the end of it, you accepted the call. Your mothers face, or better said, forehead, showed up on screen. You tried to cover your chin as best as you could with the collar of your sweater since you were too tired to hold up your phone at a reasonable angle. 

“Hi mom,” you sighed. 

“Where are they?!” she said, looking around as if she could actually see more than what your camera showed. You were going to lie that they had gone out, but right at that second Harry walked out of his room. Thankfully he was dressed, but his hair was still a bit wet. His shoulder was just visible in the corner of your screen and you tried to move to the side, but your mother had noticed him already.

“Who’s that?” Why did your mother always have to be so loud?

“Uhh, that’s Harry.”

He looked up at the mention of his name. You were scared that it would make him uncomfortable if you talked about him to your mom, it was making you uncomfortable for sure, but instead he jumped up at the opportunity and the next second he was leaning on the couch, almost over you, and smiling at your phone. 

“Hi.” He waved to your mother. His quick movements made his hair move around, giving you a nice first row experience of the fountain show coming from it. You wiped the water off your face. 

“What’s your name again?” Your mother asked. 

“Harry, Ma’am. Harry Holland.” He said with a smile. You both knew that when your mother had asked him his name, she meant his full name. She wouldn’t be able to make any deep research, but it was in case you suddenly went missing, of course. 

“How old are you?” your mother went on with the third degree, glaring at your roommate at each question. Harry answered it all with a big and charming smile. You held the camera, hoping the couch could eat you already. This could not get any more embarrassing, could it? 

Oh, it could. Because half way through, your sister had shown up and sat down next to your mom. She didn’t say anything, but suddenly a text notification popped up on the top of your screen. 

Who’s the hot guy?

Your sister was not imbecile, yet she loved to act like it. Of course, Harry saw the text and erupted in a loud laugh, startling your poor mother. As the timer on the call was reaching 30 minutes you decided to say your goodbyes and end the conversation. Harry was still laughing. 

“So… you’re sister…” he said once calming down. 

“Don’t even think about it. She’s 17.” you glared at him and he immediately shut up, which you appreciated. 

“Well, your mom seems nice,” he eventually said. You knew he didn’t mean it in that way, but in the context of your previous exchange, it didn’t sound great. Now you were the one laughing. 

“That is not what I meant!” he shouted out, grabbing a throw pillow and hitting you on the arm with it lightly.

“Jesus, calm down. I know.” You grabbed the pillow from him. You were both in a fit of giggles by then. It took a moment to catch a breath and by that point, your head was actually hurting.  

“So do you think I’m hot?” Harry asked, raising his brow like the cheeky fuck he is. You just rolled your eyes and hit him with that same pillow. Maybe a bit too hard, because it knocked him off balance and when you looked up, he was no longer leaning on the backrest of the sofa. 

“Oops. Sorry.”

_______________________

Something you had to learn the hard way when it came to living with the guys was that you had to lock your doors. They weren’t doing it on purpose, but they had a tendency to forget to knock when walking into the bathroom, or even your bedroom. Specifically, Harrison. 

Usually, you’d consider him to be the more logical of the three, but that didn’t really mean that much. He was just as much of an idiot as the two Holland brothers at times. 

The bathroom incident had happened during your first week of living with the boys. You were taking a shower. The loud water had cancelled out the sound of the door opening so you didn’t know that while you were washing your hair, Harrison had walked into the bathroom. 

In his defence, he thought it was Tom showering, not you. 

You had not been made aware yet of the honourable fifth member of the household: a life size Nicolas Cage cardboard cut-out. So, when you pushed the shower curtain aside, and were met eye to eye with Nick Cage himself, you screamed bloody murder, almost falling in the bathtub. The door opened to horrified Harrison, realising his mistake. He realised it as soon as he heard the screams, which clearly did not belong to Tom. 

But another scream followed, which was shorter and more specific, followed by a “Fuck!” made him feel like something else had happened. It sounded like you had gotten hurt. So, obviously, he walked in to see if you were alright. 

You were, in fact, alright, and seeing him standing there, eyes wide as he saw your naked body, you screamed again for him to get out. He took a second to grab Nick and pull him out of the room, mumbling a few sorrys, and closed the door behind him. 

Flushed, slightly angry, and with a pounding heart, you dried off and got dressed. Unlike the guys, you were never one to parade half naked around the house on your way from the bathroom to your bedroom. 

You walked out, a pile of old clothes in your hands, to see Harrison. He looked like a puppy that might be about to be smacked with a newspaper on his nose. Usually you were very much against that disciplinary practice, but Harrison was no puppy, and you had been scared shitless. 

“y/n, I’m so sorry.” he apologised as he followed you to your room. You were telling him that it was alright, and actually quite funny, but he really wanted you to know that it was an accident and that he didn’t mean to scare you like that or walk in on you naked or linger his eyes on you for that long. 

“Seriously, Haz, it’s fine. Shit happens… just, don’t walk into the bathroom anymore when I shower. Or ever actually, if I’m in there, don’t.”

“Yeah, of course.” 

And he kept to the promise. You didn’t get any other sudden visits in the bathroom, but it was not the last time that Harrison saw you naked. 

You were all going out to a bar one night, and a bit shamefully, you were taking a bit longer than usual with getting ready. The guys had been waiting for a while already, and you were trying to hurry up, but you just had no idea what to wear. Finally you had found yourself a dress that might make you get a bit lucky that night. You weren’t even planning on hooking up, but the attention was appreciated. In your, still not exactly over your break-up situation, it was actually needed. 

In the meantime, the guys were deciding which one of them had to go and tell you to hurry up. It was getting late and they needed their time to get completely smashed. And while waiting for you, getting knock out drunk was definitely not happening. 

Harrison drew the figurative short straw. He thought you were doing your make-up or something, being aware how much time that can take sometimes. He never imagined opening the door and seeing you standing in the middle of your room, only in a pair of panties. You didn’t see him at first because your dress was over your head as you tried to pull it on. Harrison closed the door before you saw anything. But you could hear the thud of the door closing. 

You pulled the dress over your body, grabbed a pair of matching heels and put them on as you got out of your room. There you saw Harrison. His red cheeks indicated that he was the one who had walked into your room. Tom and Harry were standing at the door. They could see you walk out and their eyes had gone a bit wide. Clearly, the dress was serving its purpose. 

Having already gone through this whole embarrassing scenario already, you decided to spare Harrison. You have him a soft smile. 

“Could you help me zip up?” you asked, turning your back and pushing the hair away from the zipper. 

“Uhh, yeah, yeah, of course.” He was so flustered. It was actually adorable. You could feel his hands on you as he grabbed the two sides of the dress and the zipper and slowly, carefully, pulled it up. 

“Thank you,” you said when he was done. He didn’t respond, his face still as red as a stop light. And it didn’t get any better when you kissed him on the cheek. 

It was definitely interesting to be living with them, but you couldn’t complain about a single thing… except for the laundry, maybe. 

The END

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed

> please leave a comment or ask with your thoughts. i love reading them and let me know if you want to see more of this au cause i really enjoyed writing it :)

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