#like it sucks!!! but also. im so unhealthy its not a kind of relationship i can keep from becoming toxic.

[figbian]

Tell Me of the dunmeshi wip 👀 that title bangs. also tell me about frat au and how much of it is based on The Frat.

dungeon meshi wip CONTAINS MANGA SPOILERS so putting it under a readmore. everyone else has to suffer thru frat au info.

frat au is only Sort Of based on The Frat (dear readers, this fanfiction author joined a fraternity and is a brother of [loud car horn]). due to the like ways fe3h works narratively, it felt a lot more true to a Good AU to be honest to an all-male fraternity, so it draws on The Frat's past (as we didnt haze, but hazing definitely used to occur) as well as info from other fraternities or fraternity-like structures (and a handful of How Do College-Age Boys Behave anecdotes coming directly from my real life college-age brother who is Not a frat boy).

sylvain, dimitri, and others are in a frat. their fathers (plus rodrigue lol) were in this frat. etc. not exactly explored but crucial to the narrative: how traditional fraternities uphold like lineage and legacies in college settings and why that creates bad gatekeeping etc etc etc. basically the ways fraternities suck on an individual level (hazing, unhealthy relationship to substances, pressure to conform to a certain set of standards, etc) AND the ways they operate on a structural level in a shitty way.

the plot however is: sylvain returns from some time off at university. in his time off, he's effectively ghosted his friends and no one knows what happened/why he vanished. felix is recovering from an injury that delayed his journey to become a professional tennis star (<- lol). they've known each other for so long, they both have dead brothers, but also how much do they really know about each other?

posting this snippet SPECIFICALLY for brothers of [siren wail]. i think youll all recognize the inspo for 'the green room.'

“maybe we should shift to explosions,” raphael said as he came back into the room, looking over at the car crumpling into a tree playing on the television. “for the vibe.” “the vibe,” agreed sylvain, privately wondering if there was that much of a difference between crashes and explosions. he figured that any kind of disaster suited the green room. the windowless room in the phi ep basement––named for the carpeting, which had, once, allegedly, been green (sylvain’s efforts to deep clean last spring had failed to prove anything except that one should always wear shoes in the green room)––was less of a vibe and more…well. the couches were all leather––easier to clean if someone puked on them; the ceiling had suspicious stains; the walls were covered in bad murals painted over several years of pledging––and sylvain would know they were bad, being an art history major; the tv sat on a pile of wooden crates. at least the sound system wasn’t terrible. when sylvain wanted to impress girls, he never brought them to the green room. he sat back on the couch and spread his legs. “yeah, fuck it,” he heard himself say. “explosions.”

dungeon meshi fic is suuuper rough rn. its Probably a 5+1 of 5 times marcille's friends died and 1 time they didnt (hahaha) but what i have written so far is all about chilchuck going senile and dying. the fic is very obviously tackling like "what happens when the people you love and remember as young and full of life grow old, and how is preparing for someone's death as painful as their death itself" BUT ALSO is about "what if the dragon part of falin makes her age at the same rate as marcille...and how is that, in some ways, worse than if she just lived as a human did?" bcs As You Know im always interested in the question "when is it true that living beyond when the narrative expects you to is worse than dying?" that part just doesnt have a lot written.

there is NOT a lot written that i posted for wip wednesday but here:

chilchuck has lost most of his teeth, so he has to eat porridge and other soft foods. “at least it’s not monsters,” he says to marcille every morning, which was funny the first few times and now is depressing. “yeah,” says marcille, pouring some sugar into his tea. it’s unclear to marcille––who, despite having half a century to prepare for this, feels unprepared––exactly when chilchuck seems to think it is. he keeps asking about his wife, his shop, his daughters, whether or not they could resurrect falin.  “have i reached out to her?” he asks. his wife, he means. mostly he seems to think they’ve just defeated the winged lion. marcille has not gained much patience in last fifty eight years; having to admit to mistakes she made fifty eight years ago every day for the last couple of years has been––hard. it’s been hard. “no,” she says, gritting her teeth. chilchuck’s ex-wife died fourteen years ago. marcille learned many mornings ago it’s best to convince chilchuck to write her a letter that cannot be sent rather than make him relive his grief every day.

[not-an-alien-i-swear]

thoughts on nightbane cuz i can’t rlly remember lightlark

spoilers ahead!!!!

okay this book was Interesting. i don’t really know how to feel abt it.

first of all, too much sex. maybe this is bcuz i hate reading smut or even slightly sexual scenes, but there was WAY too much unnecessary sex in this book. there are ways to show grim n isla’s bond(?) with eachother without using sex!!! sex ≠ love guys

+ the entire conflict of nightbane could have been avoided, or at least resolved much easier, had the characters just COMMUNICATED. i’ll elaborate more later.

also, i hate grim. i DESPISE him. fuck u grimshaw.

i feel like this book REALLY tries to get u to like grim, or at least not despise him. bcuz he’s Broken Boy!!!! he’s Misunderstood!!!! he’s Not Really A Villain, he’s Morally Grey!!!! and sure, some of these may be true. but in my humble opinion, grim is an irredeemable prick.

maybe i’m being too harsh. im gonna break down my thinking.

first of all, grim/isla and the general love triangle(?) between grim, isla, and oro sucked. i’m sorry, it was so bad. oro is OBVIOUSLY the better option. like, come on. he’s a MUCH better person. easily way better than grim.

another thing i DESPISED abt this book was the characters and relationships.

first of all, THE FUCKING AGE GAPS. ik, ik, WILD, 100s of years of age gaps r extremely common in fantasy books, and they always make me feel weird. but these ones seemed especially creepy, especially grim/isla

to put it simply, i HATE grim/isla. worst pairing in the entire series. its so unhealthy that reading them HURTS.

first of all, the imbalance of power is WILD bro. grim is SO MUCH MORE EXPERIENCED than isla at everything. bros been alive for 100s of years. ISLA IS LIKE 20. grim has seen wars, fought countless battles, seen countless deaths. isla, however, is 20ish and SHELTERED AF. girlie has barely even seen her own realm. before grim, i don’t think she’s fought anyone before, and certainly hasn’t killed. isla is young, she was naive. i have more thoughts but i think u get the idea.

oro/isla is WAY better once you get past the also horrendous age gap/power imbalance. bcuz oro cares SO MUCH. almost too much. you can tell how isla is everything to him. and sure, grim was the same way. but he doesn’t go about it the same way. oro is gentle, kind, and patient in a way grim was not. not only that, but he was morally a much better person than grim. wtf.

now, cleo’s character. cleo’s character had SO MUCH POTENTIAL. deadass i was ROOTING FOR HER at some points. but then she goes and joins the bad side(?) and she’s forgotten abt. she could have done/bee sm more, and she was, for a bit. but then it felt like the author just forgot abt her, and she was cast off. I LOVE CLEO.

finally, the main conflict. i wanted to slap the characters half the time. 99% of the conflict could have been solved through communication. this is bad on its own, but for a fantasy book this is HORRIBLE. honestly, i was confused af. i couldn’t even keep track of why the war was happening half the time. so, grim wanted to open the portal to the other world? i bet if he’d sat down with the rest of the rulers and talked he could’ve easily convinced them. and the whole “no isla im doing this for u bcuz i love u sm!” was POINTLESS. just SIT DOWN AND TALK IT OUT. these characters r killing me :(

i have so many more thoughts but i think this is way more than enough for one post.

ik these are all negative but the book wasn’t THAT bad. i actually enjoyed reading it for the most part. it just wasn’t anything even remotely phenomenal.

byebyeeee

[irl]

like actually im gonna make my own post

this is a success story, and a huge one. ive been in relationships that were so controlling and unhealthy that i was banned from foods simply because my partner didnt like them. i was banned from colors because my partner didnt like them

its small stuff like that that really adds up over time and collects in the weight you have to carry to keep you from fighting back.

in one of these relationships, i didnt have my own clothes. any clothes i had were immediately communal. i watched my pants be stretched to fit his body and no longer look nice on mine. i watched my shirts disappear, and having to replace them, only to watch disappear too

the dynamic became what was mine was his and what was his was also his. so, following that logic, i couldnt have things he didnt like personally. i couldnt enjoy things he didnt like personally.

and then he took it even further. my hobbies became his, i wasnt allowed to play video games anymore. not that i had the time to, anyway. my car and my time was his. he put himself into a position where he wouldnt be able to make any kind of income without me dedicating all of my off time to simply waiting for him away from home, which would have lead us to being in financial problems lmao. any hobbies i was allowed to have time for and participate in, they were also his hobbies

when i made friends outside of him, he told me how frustrating it was, because it seemed so easy for me. then he would ask to meet them, and almost every time he would tell me that they werent good people and to trust him on it. the only friends i was allowed to have were his friends.

he always complained when i made art, how he sucked and he hated seeing mine because he couldnt help but compare himself. so i stopped making art. i went from living breathing always making art, to now, years later, still struggling to pull it together enough to push something out a couple times a year

my sketchbooks are filled with notes more than theyre filled with art

my other ex who controlled me did a lot of similar things. she controlled my time, she controlled my hobbies, she controlled my friends, she controlled my livelihood and finances. she was also a heavy fucked up manipulator who caught me directly after the other guy stripped me of everything already so she was able to really get her fingers in there and crunch and break and twist

by the time i left her i was terrified of everything and especially her. i was basically a shaking wet rag

its hard to get away from people who try to control you.. and the entire process start to finish fuckin sucks and hurts.

but the first time i realized i had personal free time to breathe and exist, and i had bananas in the kitchen, i think was the moment of the biggest relief in my life

[violentviolette]

Jack I have a question. Is this healthy or no?

So i am a very conflict avoidant person, but also an emotional bitch about everything all the time. I have over time learned to separate my emotions from logic though, and give space to both of them. The way I do this is that if someone upsets me but it’s not a genuine issue that needs communication on, I will tell them they’re okay/i’m okay, and then will vent the emotions elsewhere where they can’t see.

What I tell them is not a lie. I usually am not actually angry or whatever, but I have to give voice to my irrational emotions somewhere or it sticks in the back of my throat for the rest of the day/night/week/month (that’s not an exaggeration)

I only ask because people don’t seem to like or understand it so i don’t know. Am I insane? Am I being toxic? Or am I just being complicated™️? I dont know anymore.

My gf recently broke up with me over it so (someone sent her screenshots of my vents) :/

oh that sucks, im sorry someone did that because that is genuinely a normal and healthy thing like, we are going to sometimes think negative things about the people we love and care about. thats SUCH a normal human thing. ppl are going to get on our nerves or do things that bug us or any number of things and it is very much perfectly healthy to recognize when those feelings are either irrational or dissproportionate to the situation or just unhelpful or even mean and unfair, and instead of bringing any of that to the other person or putting that on them, to deal with those feelings privately away from them and then move on. like that is so incredibly normal and healthy a lot of people dont like that because a lot of people have issues with boundaries and control, and think that dating or being close friends with someone means ur entitled to their every thought and that anything u dont share with them is lying or hiding things from them. this is very unhealthy and can lead to lots of different kinds of abusive and negative behavior. we are all entitled to privacy, even from the people closest to us it sucks that someone showed her what should have been private conversations and its a p big breech of trust and boundaries on the part of that person. i'd be pissed af honestly. and it's understandable that ur gf was hurt by them, but since thats exactly the reason u didnt express any of that to her, it sucks that she saw them despite ur best efforts just to be very fair i will say that it's also understandable on her end that seeing them made her change her feelings and decide to break up, depending on the exact content of the vents it might have been hard to know u ever think of her that way or upsetting to know u speak about her that way to others. not saying the things u were saying were fucked up but ive known ppl who will vent about their partners with zero consideration for them as people and say things like "fuck that stupid bitch i hope she dies" or "she's just being a dumb whore" or other like deeply desparaging statements that go beyond expressing ur feelings and into value judgement of the other person and its understandable why someone would then immediately breakup with someone who speaks about them like that, even if its not to their face. so i feel like its an important contextual footnote that depending on the content of the vents it might make the situation less u healthily expressing ur feelings elsewhere and more its just not acceptable or okay to speak about a partner this way ever, even if its not to their face but again im not accusing u of that and am giving u the good faith benifit of the doubt that u were just having normal vents, which is not only absolutely a healthy thing, but is very much needed in relationships. u and ur partner should both of have spaces and circles outside of one another where u can speak and vent freely about eachother and get support and reassurance from other people without the involvment of ur partner at all. u both have a right to privacy from one another and u dont have to tell eachother ur every thought and ur allowed to have private feelings that u dont share with ur partner, even if those feelings are negative. those are basic and core parts of a healthy relationship so ur not just being toxic or insane.

[thehandwixard]

for the character ask thing: jake the dog perhaps ?

YAY jake my friend ok

First impression: im gonna pull from 11 year old me for this i didnt think about him often but he was like. you know. cool presence like spencer from icarly. very funny character very chill guy

Impression now: hes probably the single most generally important character to understanding the overall Vibe of adventure time holisitcally. hes so important. he sucks. hes incredible. he struggles intensely with the fight between his spirituality and denial of pleasure and his fleshly desires. and he has so much flesh

Favorite moment: How to fucking pick. gut reaction is just most of the episode 'No One Can Hear You' because while that episode is famous for the deer with hands its famous to me because during my most recent rewatch of the show it was really where i went. oh. thats a psychotic break. this is a noticable pattern with him where he decides to not confront reality when its scary to him. its so fascinating. i think its the most frightening he ever is in the show, partially cause we are having this realization at the same time as finn is. that jake may not always be stable. second choice is princess cookie, as it comes well before jake's criminal past is strongly established and yet his empathy towards someone unstable in a rough situation comes Full Force. ill talk about this more in relationships because..

Idea for a story: I want to put him in resident evil 7 and 8 situations ive talked about this before. i want to put him in ethan winters situations. my current largest story idea for him is him slowly losing his sanity over a period of time trying to find finn while playing both sides in a war and losing sight of trying to stop it. I also want to write my own story kind of exploring his like. gestures vaguely unresolved feelings about his alien form. i dont think he should have ever gone back to complete normal it feels cheap.

Unpopular opinion: im the only one on this goddamn earth who understands the point of why he was kind of a deadbeat dad. i.e HE WASNT it was a messed up situation with no true irl counterpart. he wanted to be a mother. he has fantasies of being a mother up through the twilight of the series, and the fact that he was not present in his children's life while they were children is something that was completely out of his control because they grew up so fast. the fact he was not Allowed to nurture them is the tragedy of it!! ocarina is as much about kim kil whan reconciling the idea of his father being the way he is as it is jake trying to reach out for any connection that anything he cares about means anything

Favorite relationship: Finn and jake's relationship is quite literally the most important thing in the show and its so easy to flatten but its so so so so so so so complex and also. they love eachother. the depths of that love are unfathomable. simple as that. its a kind of undefinable relationship i find so compelling.. its. jake and finn rely on eachother so much youd think itd be unhealthy but it ISNT and its because they never expect anything from the other that they arent. jakes feelings about finn though related to that are so fascinating because he has a kind of consistent.. discomfort? whenever faced with the fact that finn can hurt people in a meaningful serious way. he doesnt like it. he doesnt like when finn, panicking in the water, attacks him. it makes him wanna shut down and not deal with the situation and its so interesting to think about. and this doesnt detract at all from how much jake depends on finn in a real, loving, genuine way. he loves that kid. hed get sick and die if he thought finn was turning out bad/like him. they protect each other (I AM FORCEFULLY DRAHHED OFFSTAGE WITH A CANE

Favorite headcanon: he loves any depressing indie game protag he has a plushie of mae from nitw and brad lisa at LEAST. I am also incredibly fond of jake and his fam being jewish but i consider that less of a hc given that in one title card art hes literally wearing a kippah

[pilotheather]

and it also does kind of irritate me and - hot, hot, take here! - bc i feel like... at least half of what i read from tenrose is that yes its very romantic, and i love their chemistry and dynamic, but it was also unsustainable and unhealthy as a relationship...... & that's obvious with the way they treated others around them, the dependence each other, her being so young... and im not saying "oh, they suck bc of that", ive grown to like them a lot more over the years, bc i think its a good thing to explore, but i also think its like...... thats bc like i said, it explores that dynamic, and nowadays i feel like im seeing them more for what they are, properly, if that makes sense? not that i didnt before, but... for 10 himself, and a lot of the fanbase i was surrounded by at the time pretended like they're revered, destined couple ..... kind of an extension off how 10 ended up thinking so highly of himself in the end, yknow, before we saw that break down.... and i dont know... constantly like... immortalising him, and then them just really gets on my tits, bc i do think its kinda just regressive, like... we unpacked it, yknow? rose let go, and went to the parallel universe; 10 went, despite not wanting to go... and it was a good conclusion and a good message and its just kinda like... i dont know man... sighhh

[literalite]

I'm in the same boat (bored, have nothing to do), so ofc I will send asks!!

So, let's say ariluca do get divorced (which I hope they won't but also, sometimes separation is the right answer, even if it sucks), how would the kids take it? I mean, obviously the older ones can tel,l that stuff is Not Normal and that things are weird, but like, Idris is only a toddler, and even for teens /older kids, divorce is still a fucky thing.

So, I feel bad for the kids. Because they do need and deserve Ari acting as their mother, but also just not having a mother in their life at all is awful, especially for Idris. And you know that based on Aris' mental state, Luca would get full custody. But at the same time, I know he wouldn't completely shut Ari out their life or that of the kids.

And I know that if they were to divorce, thats not a decision that Luca would take lightly. It's obvious how much they love Ari, and you can tell it's hurting him to see her like this.

And anyways, now I'm just rambling, so I apologize, but I have a lot of thoughts, and honestly, I low-key relate to this cause my parents just kinda ignore each other all the time, so um, yeah.

ITS OK PLS my brain is like throwing them in the air like pizza dough and im honestly flattered i can get other ppl thinking the same

and as for allll of this my blanket statement is that ur so right like.. they obviously deeply care ab each other its not rlly a case of like marriage going sour- she's struggling and doing it in a rlly unhealthy way as to actually kind of hurt the rest of the family too. the older kids arent like a unit and have wildly differing mixed reactions to this whole thing going down, and idris is more perceptive than most ppl realise even though theyre only 4, although most of ari's issues and to extension the relationship tension have kind of exacerbated only after their birth so in some ways this is all theyve ever known

if we're going into the technicalities of an actual divorce, this puts ari and luca in a rlly difficult position because for one, they have five children- thats way too much for any one person to be handling, even as a united family unit as theyve been so far has been aided by lilian's arrival and status as kind of a inhome nanny as well as ithaca's growing up way too fast 😪 luca's a great parent and so is ari when she's not literally fighting off her own mind, but right now i dont actually think either of them individually would be capable of this. ofc they arent Alone alone, like luca has their own circle of support as does ari, but . yeah

ofc this remains to be seen or not 🥰 we dont actually know what luca says in response yet

[keefwho]

August 17 - 2023 Thursday

1:08 PM

Sometimes I can't tell if I really don't want to journal because of the process or because no one is reading it or because I actually hate looking at myself. It's probably any of these reasons at different times. Lately I've become too aware of myself and my circumstances. I've also become aware of my actions and how often times they are driven by emotion and can be negatively guided. It's been painful not being able to accept who I am but I know this is an important step. I have to know what I truly am in order to steer myself somewhere else. I keep finding that there's always something else about myself that I've been avoiding.

4:41 PM

Im in an embarrassing place. I'm obsessing over wanting time with my bestie since she'll be at the beach all weekend. This only sucks because I've been doing a poor job exercising my individuality lately and caught myself leaning on her in a way that started to become unhealthy. Unhealthy in the sense that time with her was basically all I looked forward to because that time makes it easy for me to be myself and confront issues by talking to her about them. This weekend will be good though, it forces me to take some action for myself which is what I need. It's a good thing that in the recent past I have had some success being myself so I know what I'm looking for and I know how much it benefits my existence and relationships.

I don't like being someone without substance only able to echo back what people say to me. I want to be someone with thoughts and experiences I can openly express and find common ground with. I don't like being a drone.

I wish I could accept love more. Sometimes I stress out not being around her only because I feel like she is slipping away as my friend but that is my long held belief that everyone will leave me eventually. I know that if I could look at any relationship more realistically and realize some people aren't going anywhere, doing things on my own would be easier. I wouldn't be stuck thinking and worry about what I could be doing to make sure they stick around. I'd already know in my heart that they will.

9:11 PM

It's like my entire being wants me to sulk and sabotage everything. I'm drawn to put myself in bad positions, I think because as a child the good things I did didn't really get rewarded. I'd only get loving attention when something was wrong so that's still how I try to feed myself. It's a slow process accepting that it's much better to win affection in a constructive way rather than by tearing something down.

9:45 PM

It's time to go hard. I thought the exercises in my book seemed extreme because of their frequency but I have to try them. Its just so much but it's probably a good thing. I do have to go back and re-read a bit but I intend to follow the instructions to a tee because I have no better ideas. I'm hopeful I can brute force myself through this.

10:59 PM

Back to summarizing my day, I miss when I did it. It helped me remember and put into perspective the things I did.

This morning I played a little HOI4 while I made/ate leftover beef stew. I got to stream just about on time and did a nice warm up. I finished my friend's commission and then worked on another pic of mine.

I think it was during the stream that my bestie messaged me about how this guy she hooked up with didn't tell her he was with someone at the time and it's looking like he might have just used her for sex which is real shitty. I honestly struggle to remember too many details about this morning because I was thinking about this a lot today. I don't like that she had to learn this today and deal with the kinds of feelings that comes with. It really isn't fair that shitty people can take advantage of such wonderful individuals. I don't mean to sound white knight-ish but I truly do feel a sort of despair at this and I wish I could do something about it.

After stream I cleaned up some which consisted of folding my clothes, getting things out of the floor, and vacuuming a little bit. I also cleaned all the outside windows with this squeegee on a stick but it's falling apart so it didn't do a great job. I'll be getting my own to replace it.

I can't remember the stream I watched in the shower, I guess the shower in general was uneventful.

For lunch I made tuna spaghetti, my own personal recipe sort of. I unironically learned it from Henry's kitchen, just a can of tuna cooked with some angel hair pasta with some seasonings, mostly lemon pepper. I had strongly craved both tuna and pasta so that's why I made this, it's my second time doing it.

I cranked out another YCH despite having to get over a mental hurdle just to get started drawing anything. Apparently I did good because it sold for the autobuy price of $200 within a couple hours. I'm actually surprised and I think I'm learning what makes a good YCH. After that I worked a little bit more on that other drawing from this morning and a bit on my new world while spending time in my friend's server VC. I opened up a lot to him about my last bad trip getting high and my concerns regarding this weekend and myself in general. He got some words in too about his recent struggles. It felt good to open up like I did, especially to someone different. I think it's necessary for a healthy social life and I'd consider this an ounce of progress having been made.

I got in VR for a little bit and found this world straight out of an old barbie movie. The world was called "self reflect" so thats what I did. I laid down and enjoyed the scenery while trying to think about things a bit even though I've been trying to think about things less. It ended up being a good thing though because I was thinking about all the good things in my life and things I take for granted. I started to feel happy about a lot of things but I did have to exert effort to keep myself in that headspace. After a little bit, my other friend invited me to play Roblox so I joined him and his friends. It was a fun little time.

Dinner was chicken and fries as usual. I did some reading in my ACT book, jerked off, and now I'm about ready for bed.

[transalfredpennyworth]

i love them i love them i love them!!!! i remember first starting wbg and being like aw :( sucks that there aren't any more inserts and ocs for this it would be so cool so seeing your silly little guys made my day!!!!! AND THEN YOUR RESPONSE MADE IT EVEN BETTER!!!

im SO excited to see em 👀 im already so attached you have no idEAAAAA they're soo cool thank you sosos much for sharing them with us!!

- imaginepostingonmain

AWW THANK YOU 💞💞 i think i have a few more wbg ocs if ur interested, i was mildly scared of posting about them but omg im so excited to talk about them!!!!!! OHHH and thinking about how eni's interactions with the rest of base will go is definitely interesting

you know what. rambling time. eni is me but braver with less of a fear of consequences but he still is me to some level, which leads to a pretty serious 'fall limp like a prey animal' response, like i could see him coming clean if he got caught doing something. he definitely would sell others down the river, hes kinda similar to mike in that way. its like. he can live the rest of his life feeling guilty over it as long as he has the rest of his life to live.

(this got. entirely too long. the rest of the post is under the cut)

its interesting to think about how enigma became how he is. yk, years of torture does tend to change a man. i imagine he flipped between defense mechanisms, fight to fawn to freeze to fight, ect ect.

the only reason he got out was because he fought and resisted and was stubborn and inconvenient and all of those things i try very hard not to be. he would be incredibly different from me and i think thats quite fun to think about.

thinking about identity is interesting too. i could see future iterations using different names and pronouns because my identity is a very fluid, changing thing. i could see enigma using different pronouns or perceiving his gender differently then eni or i do. he definitely got top surgery and im so jealous. also probably a few tattoos. oh! maybe he did that to kind of reclaim his body after the compound. i keep imagining him as more feminine then his other iterations for some reason?? i also imagine him with dirty blond hair and very thin. like unhealthily thin. i always tend to associate being super thin with being unhealthy and he is the very opposite of healthy

eni wouldnt have played woe.begone, no way. even if it brought back the most beloved person in my life, i have basic self preservation instincts, something that other characters seem to be significantly lacking in. i mean, i could kind of see enigma doing it but i dont see why he would bother, honestly. he has more of a stomach for pain and violence then i do, i think. its a weird flipflop between self destruction and self preservation, complicated trauma stuff, idk

i keep kind of thinking of me-me getting sent to the wbg universe with all knowledge of the podcast. it probably wouldnt help or improve anything (if i EVER hear the word propagation again im going to commit a crime) considering. you know. time travel. knowledge of the future is considered the norm. but it would be interesting and would affect my actions considerably

enigma rlly needs a partner of some kind because hes me and that means hes self-isolating because 'you cant be hurt if youre alone' bullshit. hes also scared of people. and relationships. and basically everything but he doesnt realize because hes either super dissociated or horrifying present every given moment. i keep torturing this poor guy can i at least give him like. a therapy animal or something. christ

WOAH i wrote considerably more then i intended to oopsies

[lettuce-seize-the-day]

what's wrong w me

[crwatters]

.

[eijispumpkin]

ash? for the character thing?

HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH

favorite thing about them

he's so gentle and loving. he has so many reasons to be jaded and selfish and bitter but he's not. he values innocence, he is so kind especially to kids, he wants to protect his loved ones and to fight for them rather than himself. he's my favorite archetype of character: the gentle badass. real "i do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. i love only that which they defend" energy.

least favorite thing about them

yoshida (and therefore a chunk of the fandom)'s insistence that actually he had to die to achieve peace because actually Fuck people with ptsd i guess

favorite line

it just... really encapsulates everything about him in a nutshell. all he ever wanted to be was griff's kid brother, just a normal person with a normal life. and so instead of being envious that eiji didn't suffer the same way he did, he just yearns and treasures that about eiji so much. love is stored in the ash lynx.

brOTP

ash & griff (crying screaming shouting wailing), ash & max, ash & nadia, ash & eiji's family

OTP

asheiji 😭🥰🥺💕✨😊🥰💖👌💕🥺😭🥰

nOTP

shorter/ash (but i already talked about that in my shorter post), ash/max (brb throwing up after even typing this), ash/literally any of his abusers, ash/blanca (throwing up again)

random headcanon

he uses dino's dirty money to pay for nadia wong's bottom surgery (yes nadia wong is a trans woman and i will not accept concrit on this thanks). at first she's like no ash i can't possibly accept this, but he gives her a very soft look and tilts his head a little and says "if you can't accept it for yourself, do it for me. there's nothing that'd make that old geezer madder than knowing i'm blowing his funds on making the people who loved me despite his best efforts happy. and i love the idea of making him spin in whatever shit grave he ended up in. if any. please, nadia? i don't want his money, and i want to give back to you for everything. it'd make me really happy if you'd accept it?" and she's just like. oh ash... because how can she say no to that?

unpopular opinion

he doesn't try to get eiji to leave him/try to leave eiji bc of ~abandonment issues~ lmfao he does it bc eiji got kidnapped and traumatized in a horrific way once already and he doesn't wanna see it happen again??? also i am literally begging yall to learn how to characterize him correctly bc i swear to god everyone either leans too hard into ~dark academia~ tropes/aesthetics (i.e. makes him just straight up ooc) or makes his literal only trait "having ptsd" and both of those takes fucking suck actually.

especially the "his only personality trait is having trauma" one, bc it invariably leads to demonization of ppl w trauma bc it DOES make a relationship read as v unhealthy if one person in it has literally no personality outside of being traumatized and sad all the time. but thats not ACCURATE or even realistic as a depiction of ppl w ptsd and it makes me want to tear my hair out!!! *stern parent voice* im gonna have to take ash lynx away if yall dont learn to behave

song i associate with them

"no rest" by dry the river !!!!

favorite picture of them

this one has been my icon on discord for like 2 or 3 years at this point. i love him

[papier-ciseaux]

heya, i hav question for the aromantic spectrum week :)

how do you know you’re aroace oriented? And not just, confused

cause i think people are hella pretty, and i get confused, and feel like entering a relationship, when i dont think im romantically attracted?

ive never been romantically or sexually attracted, just confused, because people are pretty, shouldn’t that mean i have to date them?

It’s not aro week anymore but anytime is a good time to learn some things!

This post by the Ace and Aro Advocacy Project covers the basics of what amatonormativity is. 

It’s hard for me to make any calls about your situation and experiences based on so little information, so you’re gonna have to figure things out yourself. I just thought I should mention that stuff just in case, because feeling like “you should have to date someone” sounds like amatonormativity to me? :v

Anyway, you don’t need to date anyone just because you think they’re pretty, I’m sure a lot of people would agree that finding someone beautiful doesn’t necessarily mean you want to date them. Gay men can find women pretty and still not want to date them! Appreciating beauty is something that doesn’t have to mean anything more.

Image descriptions under the cut!

[Image ID: Four digitally drawn pictures.

Image 1: A simple cartoon character with short brown hair, white skin, and cyan blush on their cheek is shrugging with the words “idk it just felt right” above their head. They are wearing a striped blue shirt and cyan pants. On the right, a text reads “It's a way for me to label a 'something' that's not romantic or sexual attraction. idk what it is, but it's there”. A smaller version of the same character is sitting on the ground with the words “people do be pretty” handwritten over their head.

Image 2: A text at the top reads “If you feel like oriented is the label for you, then welcome to the club!” The cartoon character is standing on the side with their arms up in celebration and a smile, saying “YAY!”. A text written in grey, lavender, white and pink (the colors of the cupioromantic flag) reads: “Also, cupioromantics are people who desire a romantic relationship despite not really experiencing any romantic attraction. you might want to look into it?” A text at the bottom reads “However, I wouldn't recommend dating someone out of a sentiment of obligation or expectation.”

Image 3: The character appears to be talking directly to the audience, head resting in one of their hand. They say “you're gonna have to ask yourself if that's what YOU want personally or what you think you SHOULD want”. The text continues with “sadly we all have to deal with this thing called”. The word “Amatonormativity” is written in all caps and in bold. Below is written its definition: “it's the assumption that a longterm monogamous romantic relationship is the end goal we should all prioritize over other kind of relationship” A second drawing of the character is posing as if to present the word and the definition. They have a displeased face and the words “It sucks” are written over their head. Image 4: The character looks unhappy and is pointing at the following text “you guessed it, amatonormativity is a load of lies and can be very unhealthy. so don't force yourself into a relationship just because that's what you feel you "have to"”. A second drawing of the character is saying “im not an expert but that doesnt sound good…”.

The background of all four images is a two tone gradient that starts with the color of the bottom of the previous image. It goes white, blue, dark blue, cyan, white.

/End ID] 


[miss-kittyy]

🌌 for the ask game?

🌌Twilight - Favourite ship and least favourite ship

I can’t choose just one so I’ll do top three in no particular order

Fernsong x Ivypool: this ship is the one thing standing between Warriors and complete misogyny (/hj). All their canon interactions are 10/10 Fernsong sees the best in Ivypool and rlly admires her and its clear that Ivypool rlly loves being around him even if she’s too prickly to admit it. But I also headcanon Fernsong as autistic, he prefers doing jobs in camp like helping the medicine cats and queens rather than hunting or fighting cause he finds it confusing and/or over stimulating while Ivypool I headcanon as having PTSD so she likes to patrol and hunt but can’t a lot of the time because she gets distressed and paranoid, so Fernsong accompanies her while she does her duties and does grounding exercises with her if needed, so they’re a rlly good team!! I also think Fernsong’s relationship with Lionblaze has a lot of potential regarding his relationship since I can’t imagine Ivypool likes Lionblaze very much given that he was totally on board with keeping her in an abusive situation as a child for the greater good even though he could’ve done it himself because he is literally invisible and defeating the dark forest is the reason why he had super powers in the first place. (Sorry Lionblaze lowkey pisses me off)

Feathertail x Sasha: read A Shadow in Riverclan and look me in the eyes and tell me they were not girlfriends. I love the trope of two individually troubled people finding eachother and loving eachother despite their pain so much and I think they could’ve worked things out if Feathertail didn’t die, she forgave Leapordstar she def would’ve forgave Sasha, also I understand why she was mad at her, even though it wasn’t justified I think it makes sense given Feathertail’s mental state. I also rlly like how you can actually see how their relationship developes, it’s not instant and you can understand WHY they like each other so much. I wish Feathertail hadn’t died, I wouldve traded Brambleclaw POV for Feathertail POV in a HEARTBEAT. I think Sasha might have stayed if Feathertail was still in Riverclan when she returned, after understanding her trauma more I def think Feathertail would have forgave and apologizing to Sasha. Seeing Sasha and Feathertail’s interact with Hawkfrost would have also been very interesting and could have fleshed him out more.

Grasspelt x Briarlight: I got another AU coming up that has to do with them, so I wont give to much away but I love the idea that indivually Grasspelt and Briarlight are both very smart and admirable cats but then when they get within 5 feet of eachother they both become goofy mushy idiots. I know Grasspelt is like a very minor side character so I’ve just given him a personality myself but just let me have this ok I am tired. They’d also make great parents!! I headcanon Grasspelt as autistic and I like to think he infodumps about how incredible Briarlight is- he is completely and unapoligetically in love with her and she thinks he’s a wonderful cat he lights up her life.

Least favourites:

Im not gonna include any of the obvouisly bad ships like firetiger or other shit like that, just assume all the pedophelic and abusive ships are also my least favourite, ok?

Daisy x Spiderleg: why did they feel the need to do Daisy like this?? What was the point??? I get that those types of relationships happen I’ll but I don’t see why you’d include it in the book if it wasn’t going to have any type of meaning beyond Leafpool being mad at Spiderleg. They could have still had that happen and then had Daisy get a mate that treats her right, I just feel bad at her.

Bumblestripe x Dovewing: Bumblestripe is such a pick me and their relationship reminds me a lot of a past friendship of mine that did not end well. Dovewing deserves better Bumblestripe is manipulative as hell and I feel like he takes advantage of Dovewing’s kind nature. I am so glad she left his pathetic ass, I rlly hope he doesn’t get a mate in the future and I am convinced Rosepeta’s crush on him was comp-het or something cause she must have some taste. I understand why Ivypool was for Bumblestripe and Dovewing’s relationship, she was still totally in the wrong and doesn’t deserve to be completely excused but it makes sense given her character, she’s been denied any agency for a rlly long time, Hawkfrost was her best friend and he treated her just as shitty as Bumblestripe treated Dovewing- so she’s less likely to see the red flags as they’ve been normalized to her. Everyone else though?? I have no idea why they told Dovewing to get with Bumblestripe he literally sucks so much. I think it should have just been Ivypool who said that cause it makes me dislike everyone else lmao.

Blossomfall x Ivypool: Blossomfall is mean to her as an apprentice and compares her to Dovepaw which fuels Ivypaw and Dovepaw’s unhealthy relationship, and then the only reason why they become friends is that Blossomfall gets sympathy from Ivypool and that strikes me as p toxic and unhealthy, obv if someone were to make an AU or headcanon where their relationship plays out differently than that’d be totally fine but in canon I just can’t see them doing anything but dragging eachother down- also Blossomfall is mean to Dovewing and Ivypool and Dovewing’s relationship is already strained as hell that would be very counterproductive.

[chunkysunconcious]

Well,, i just finished the last animated episode of Nana and I have a few thoughts,, also i feel empty feel empty for some reason but im just going to ignore that (there will be spoilers !!!)

- I absolutely hate sachiko (the one shoujo cheated on hachiko with) her character was annoying and i wanted to punch her pretty much everytime she was on screen,, Her character isnt intresting and her actions fucking suck,, I am very pro sachiko slander

- Despite reira being a literal pedophile,, I think she was written really well,, she is a very layered character who is greedy and selfish and in a way very manipulative,, using shin was a horrible thing,, the only good thing about her is she has nice hair, but I liked watching scenes with her,, seeing her interact with trapnest/other characters was insightful,, sometimes it feels like you could almost justify her actions if it wasnt for the absolute no no illegal shit she did since she acts so lovely wtih some characters,, (DOING THINGS WITH A FUCKING MINOR????????)

- Ren wasnt interesting,, I never really felt like i was getting to know his character or why he does what he does,, etc, most of the interesting parts came from mostly Nana,, but I still feel like he’s somewhat of a realistic character,, there just doesnt feel that much to him on a very surface level

-Hachiko did get on my nerves at some points,, but she was greatly mistreated by so many people that it angered me,, even at times be Nana,, shin was probably the truly nicest person to her,, she has a lot of natural human flaws,, and she was a very greedy and materialistic person who was on the more sensitive side, and really only seemed to think the most about relationships,, she did have a mothering quality that probably attracted shin to like her,, In summary I Both love her and dislike parts of her,, she has some pretty unhealthy mindsets but has shown she can grow

-Nana definitely came off as a complex person,, she was abandoned by her mother at a very early age and that affected her pretty much at every point throughout her life,, I kind of thought it would be more empowering for her not to be so focused on ren,, and for a while she wasnt,, and she kept trying to reject the idea of him in the year off that he went to tokyo,, but in the end (of the anime) she was with him,, I also feel like thats realistic and I dont blame her for that,, She seems to need him in one way or another,, but i know shed be able to survive even with just Yasu

-Yasu was probably the big brother/uncle/father role everyone needed to keep their shit together,, I swear he mustve lost all his hair from second hand stress of these broken people,, I godamn love this man,, and he handles things so well,, and maturely too,, he always dealt with everyone during the whole show,, and pretty much always knew what to do,, we all need a yasu in our lives

-Shin’s character was pretty heavy ,, its very obvious his way of (TW,, S/H) hurting himself was sleeping with older woman,, it was for sure a destructive behaviour,, He basically got manipulated by reira even though she still liked yasu,, and shin was aware but its sad to know that he pushed that aside just because hefelt like for once someone valued him,, Hachiko was one of the only people that loved him without expecting anything in return,, conculsion - shin needs a better family and therapy,,

Theres more characters but Ive written a lot so Im just gonna leave it for now,, I will 100000000%%% rewatch the show again and again and again forever and ever,, Im only a teenager and these are real life mature themes and actions that I want to understand better and I’ll make sure to watch it even when im a full grown adult,, I want to understand it all as much as I can

[desitenya]

OK BUT YOU SEE its the alienation (INCLUDING FAMILY) under abilities that makes said person develop layers of fronts (PERFECT GIRL VS TRYING TO BE A NORMAL PERSON) and the giving up thinking that no one would actually try/or be able to meet them half way. 🧍‍♂️ also i think komi has comphet let me just get that out of the way

they would have been better siblings than the ones they have GOD. I keep thinking sibling au twin au but i have no idea how to write so i just draw everything out, and i can digitalize and post some maybe but like... anyways i think their relationship would still kind of be unhealthy both of their powers being able to ruin the world and only finding familiarity in each other (im thinking like hikaru and kaoru ohshc) and just never taking anyone else seriously... no where near the level of messed up they have with their older siblings.

i think it sucks that aso made them that way, like im not blaming him for not having in-depth character relationships because yeah joke anime but the characters themselves suck ass for being perverts.