#like it’s over a dozen. idk exactly how many but i do know it’s Too Many

[patentedsun]

You guys I'm actually crying over chapter 204.5 (which is technically an ad for a certain company we're all boycotting btw) but ignoring the actual ad THE STORYLINE WAS SO??? GOOD???? the Natsu characterization in this was INCREDIBLE (be prepared for intense 100yq hatred) and it portrayed exactly why I fell in love with nalu in the first place....

Summary and analysis below (doesn't incl all the pages btw!!)

We start off with Lucy finding Natsu and Happy at her place, as always.

this is followed by him being like "do you think we'll peek or something" which... 100yq natsu would have... that IMPOSTER...

Anyways while she's taking a bath, Natsu and Happy are browsing around Lucy's room and find a book that stands out. (Btw right next to this book is her diary, 100yq natsu would've gone straight for that). However they end up accidentally destroying it and start panicking. They ask Lucy if they can "borrow it" and Lucy panics at first, saying it's precious and not to touch it, but relents when they say they found it "interesting".

fast forward, we see them worn out after trying and failing to find a replacement copy. ONCE AGAIN, they're doing this because it's something precious to LUCY. Not because they care about reading, or because the book has any value to them, but because they understand it's important to HER. Natsu (and Happy) going the extra mile for things that are important to Lucy is SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART of their entire dynamic.

continuing, Lucy walks into the guild and asks how they're finding the book, they say it's interesting. Lucy gets SUPER EXCITED ABOUT THIS and starts talking non stop ab the book. Happy asks her why this book is so important to her and...

Y I K E S.

So yeah, they ultimately decide that lying isn't it and they should apologize upfront.

this is so beautiful to me, idk like the imagery of them bowing so sincerely is so.... and like wow MASHIMA seems like natsu IS capable of acknowledging his own wrongdoings and offering genuine apologies. I'm not even talking ab the whole post tartaros situation no, I'm talking about fucking 100yq, where natsu actually physically hurts Lucy and doesn't apologize for it (AND IN FACT ITS PLAYED FOR A GAG)(IMPOSTER!!! NOT MY NATSU!!!)

Soooo Lucy doesn't take it well and runs away.

the fact that they didn't stop their search here. the fact that they EXPANDED it to other towns to try and find her the book THIS IS JUST <3333

Anyways, Lucy returns and reveals dozens of copies of the book...

My heart actually broke for her here because as someone who ig creates stuff as well, it really can be painful to have no audience interaction. And to have a book you wrote bomb like that...ouch... and of course she would've been excited, her best friends told her they found it interesting!!! my HEART. OUCH. and the sheer guilt on Natsu and Happy's faces here 😭 Once again, 100yq would've played this off for a gag...

And they all start bawling (and the ad comes in so I will stop there) but YEAH. THIS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL??? The way she's regretful too, the way they're still trying to apologize and make her feel better I'm :(. This is what makes nalu work and it feels like mashima is forgetting that ab his own work... they're both genuinely good and kind to each other... like not to get sidetracked but there has always been goofy fanservice moments but there were also so many wonderful, emotional, complex scenes with them with depth and maturity and I just feel like that's lacking now. So reading this was like getting punched in the face srsly because wow... THIS is the natsu I know and love ugh .....

[moonfungers]

this is sort of random as hell but i can't help but think of like. a funger termina isekai fic. 💀 no but like. FEAR AND HUNGER IS THE WORST universe to be inside, really. it's all misery!!! pain!! suffering!! and i'm just picturing this like, regular person gets transported into the universe and just absolutely loses her shit bc she KNOWS, she KNOWS DAMN WELL exactly how she's screwed, far better than anyone else!! she's played the games dozens and dozens of times, died so many times, and now she's IN that setting, she's in that world, and death is now PERMANENT with REAL stakes. she knows the entire game like the back of her hand, but what does it matter, bc it's fear and hunger. there's only so much knowledge that can help you . .

in my head, in a lot of isekai fic and stuff, ocs tend to like, hide the fact that they know things? but i feel like a modern-day oc who gets transported into fear and hunger would be forced into a position where she has to be honest bc its the best chance of survival. this isn't a game where she can just follow the right steps, recruit the people, get them to do the things, this is now real and dangerous and terrifying, and she knows that she can't do it alone.

and i'm just picturing like. d1, she wakes up before everyone else, loses her shit, and then promptly refuses to let ANYONE leave the train. no no but like, also can you picture what im seeing, this woman just pacing back and forth frantically, very clearly losing it, and she's like "you fuckers are not going ANYWHERE, we are all traveling TOGETHER, bc you all do not understand how much danger we're in" and then the others are like, you know, the train just stopped, weird dream, they haven't even been to prehevil yet so they don't know how fucked up everything is over there, and now this random stranger is just losing her shit, they don't take her seriously bc honestly who would, and so she just. she just starts fucking putting them on blast

"o'saa i know you went into the dungeons and nasrah's with you" "pav you will SIT your motherfucking ass down, you do not stand a chance against the fucking kaiser and it isn't even the REAL one you fucking idiot"

"levi i know youre going thru like. withdrawal right now and its totally ok and we have a doctor here and i will get you some heroin if i need to but like please dont run off where i cant find you"

and just basically knows stuff she absolutely shouldn't know, and she's like "YOU GUYS GOTTA BELIEVE ME BC OTHERWISE WE WILL LITERALLY ALL DIE, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND. there is only ONE way to guarantee us to live and im telling you this bc i know how screwed we are and i cant do it alone ive never even held a fucking weapon in my entire LIFE i just play video games at home-" and also how fucked up is it, that this isekai oc would know damn well that no matter what, someone has to die? like. you either kill everyone else and like get sulfurized/escape, you get moonscorched bc you run out of time, or someone has to become one with logic. aka to get the best "everyone lives" run, someone still needs to die

idk my brain just had this pop into my brain and won't let it go. it'd like, a cliche trope ofc, but i feel like in the context of fear and hunger, it'd be just so horrifying and awful and so WONDERFUL to read

bc its like, fear and hunger is a game series that we know damn well is a horrible like, UNIVERSE to be in, its depressing and awful for the characters who live in it, but can you imagine the ripe ANGST of having an isekai oc from our world go into it? they have our world as a reference point, in the way none of the other characters do, bc this is their world, they don't know anything else, how could they? but this isekai oc would just be so fucking-- innocent in the way the others aren't, bc she hasn't lived through the horrible F&H world and like, the dynamic there is so so interesting too bc all of the characters in termina, all of them on that train are AWARE or have been involved/done bad things, and this here is a character who hasn't, who hasn't seen blood or misery for her entire fucking LIFE. she'd be an "everyman" character by our standards, you know, but by their standards? she'd be such a fucking anomaly with the shit she says, the things she believes in. and also, you know, the fact she knows things about all of them and the situation they're in she has absolutely no right to know and its so SO interesting to think about, actually?? like genuinely losing my mind thinking about this rn

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

I got caught shoplifting a few weeks ago so Im gonna have a court proceeding (? if thats what you call it in english idk) in a couple hours and Im a little bit nervous but the shit I stole was only worth 7€ and it was my first time getting caught so I dont think it'll be too big of a deal. Honestly Im just glad I didnt get caught while I was stealing ~85€ worth of acotar books, because my punishment would not only be wayyyy harsher it would also just be embarrassing, imagine stealing sjm books when theres so many good books you could steal from a bookstore

Anyway, speaking of acotar books, its livebloggin time. Last time, Feyre and Rhysand came to this cabin in the woods/inn in the middle of nowhere and stayed in a room thats so small that you couldnt even have sex in it and then they had sex. not penetrative sex, they just fingered each other. Which is to say Rhysand fingered her vagina and Feyre fingered his wings because god forbid a man be on the receiving end for anything other than a blowjob. Also, I guess Mor, Cassian and Azriel are somewhere else? I didnt wanna say anything about them being gone bc I just kinda assumed they were staying with Feysand but they seem to be gone. whatever I dont care about those guys anyway

Chapter 49

Feyres internal declarations of love and wanting to be with Rhys forever feel very shallow when you consider the fact that 1) theyve only had like 3 months worth of non-traumatic interactions with eachother, and 2) she thought the exact same way about Tamlin and then she DIED FOR HIM and then she left him after barely half a year

'"You know exactly that I would do anything for my people and my family."' 'Your people' consisting of one (1) city

Feyre's pussy feels slightly raw from getting fingered hours ago?? thats not a good sign.

'"I'm not gonna turn away from you. Not from you," I promised him quietly.' honestly, i can believe that, if you can fully forgive someone for physically torturing and sexually assaulting you after like a month or two you can forgive them anything, I have no idea why Rhys would be worried about that

can you imagine if Rhysand got shot with poisoned arrows and he just died right here. Life could be a dream but alas, I live in a nightmare world

I actually really like Feyre going feral over her love interest like this (even if that love interest is Rhys) I dont we're gonna get much more of that in this series so I shall savour it

Yeah, now that she mentions it, how come one ash arrow was enough to straight up kill Andras but Rhysand gets hit by like a dozen and hes just fine after this. I guess it could be that Feyre shot Andras in the eye so it was more lethal than Rhys getting shot in the back and wings but still, afaik there are no longterm consequences from this, like hes not even gonna have to deal with idk, his back hurting at certain points or something

Im not a fan of Feyre being so murderhappy now when she was reluctant to even kill animals at the start of this book, like at a certain point Im not so much bothered by Feyre's character being retconned from ACOTAR but her character from start of ACOMAF

Damn I didnt think the sex would be anything other than a pointless diversion, but here it is, being plot relevant

How come these guys have been torturing him by just stringing him up and leaving the arrows while they whip him, if I was an evil torturer and had just gotten my hands on a guy with wings Im sawing those badboys off immediately. or should i say batboys ahahahha.hahha

Oh, just a splinter of ashwood can he deadly but of course Rhysand is gonna be pretty much fine after being impaled with seven whole arrows

'"And Elain would love [Velaris], I'm sure of it. Although she would probably cling to Azriel the whole time, looking for safety."' smth about that line feels icky to me, I think its the fact that I dont think Elain actually properly interacted with Azriel at this point and also, Velaris is a perfect paradisical city what on earth would she need his protection for there

ughhhh all this bullshit with the dresser is so unbearably annoying

I guess I'll see how this all actually pans out next chapter, but right now I gotta say I dont like the fact that Rhysand's wounds just heal on their own, I couldve used some good whump with him. And Im not just saying that because I dont like him and Im a sadistic little bitch, even though both of those things are true, Im saying this because I think seeing him in a vulnerable position for an extended time would make me like him more

[dissociacrip]

this is okay to rb i think, especially if you have anything to add or any insight. idk. i'm tagging this the way that i am because i'm seeking community/connection(tm) or something

hypotonia is not like. a rare thing. not really. but i do remember my OT googling what it was.

low muscle tone/hypotonia may technically be a symptom rather than a diagnosis (barring benign congenital hypotonia, which afaik is controversial) but it's the closest thing to a "diagnosis" i've been given for some of this stuff because the potential cause of it hasn't been investigated and i guess it's not exactly urgent since my particular case isn't severe and doesn't seem progressive (hypotonia can be progressive & is involved in some progressive and degenerative conditions.)

but i wish it was talked about more and i wish more was known about it works and how it affects bodily function and i wish what we DO know about it was more accessible to the public when it comes to those who suffer from it. it's also kinda hard whether to KNOW you have it or not since its "signs" have so much overlap with other conditions that aren't related to muscle tone. it ranges a lot in severity too. and there's two different types (central and peripheral.) it's linked to dozens of diagnoses too which is why i say it's not uncommon.

but also i guess due to the complexity of how it affects the body and its lack of distinctiveness with most of its symptoms makes it kinda...hard to talk about? and i imagine w/ some people it's hard to distinguish the effects of hypotonia vs. their other problems. issues with chewing, writing, breathing, speaking, posture, coordination, etc. can be due to so many different things ranging from mental to physical. but it's not always something that can be lumped together w/ those other things because there's "my muscles don't work" in a terms of chronic muscular pain vs. "my muscles don't work" in terms of, like, they lack the ability to adequately support the body and bodily movement. if that makes any sense.

which ranges from someone like me where having to hold myself up sucks + mild motor skill/coordination impairments and mild developmental milestone delays, but others never meet those milestones or need assistance with things like breathing and ingesting food.

it's not a diagnosis but it can affect the body in complex ways like muscle shortening and stiffness due to our bodies having to compensate in weird ways for the lack of adequate tone (esp those of us who grew up with it), tibial torsion and femoral anteversion, flatfoot and knock-knees, reduced cervical lordosis sometimes leading to bruxism and occipital headaches, etc. PT centered around muscle strengthening to correct my "improper" movement and stuff.

and there's other stuff that can come with it that people like to consider """gross""" like drooling, constipation and other gastric, and pelvic floor dysfunction which can result in incontinence/problems with bladder control. muscles are involved in a lot of things. wild.

i'm rambling but i just wish more people talked about it. all i really have is that one interview that surestep did with meagan veracha, who has hypotonic cerebral palsy, about living with hypotonia as an adult.

maybe i wouldn't care all that much if i had a diagnosis that would "explain it" but "i might have gHSD/hEDS" doesn't rly do that for me because ppl in those communities obviously focus a lot on the joint dysfunction aspect (because those 2 conditions center around hypermobile joints so that's just natural, it's not a bad thing per-se, barring other problems that those communities have) but for me my case of symptomatic generalized hypermobility is secondary in how it impacts me vs. my muscles being bad at their job and my hypermobility might even be secondary to my hypotonia anyway.

dyspraxia/DCD (some people with it have hypotonia but not all - i thought i had it before i was told i was identified as having hypotonia when i was a kid...over two decades late) is another guess but again that centers more around coordination than things like "anything other than lying in bed is hard on me because my muscles don't support my body like they're supposed to."

maybe muscle tone is a complex medical concept that shouldn't really enter the public lexicon but i have no other language for it.

[hoardlikegoldenirises]

*leans casually on wall* hey,

i will take ANY excuse to design an outfit, especially wedding outfits, idk why— I just think they're fun.

there were originally two tuxedos involved in this (on the hair timeline drawing), with Flash's white and Peter's blue, but as I was editing my notes I ended up moving some stuff around and shunted Flash's transition forward by about a year and a half because it made more sense to happen around the time they get married instead of nearly 2 years later...

So like any reasonable person, I thought to myself, "oh boy! time to spend four days on a wedding dress!" (the drawing didn't take four days, i just spent a lot of time looking stuff up)

💐

closeups and thoughts under the cut:

in my head the top part of the dress is at least partially some kind of soft, flexible fabric, like a stretch satinet or whatever, or one of those really soft matte stretchy fabrics, but i honestly wasn't sure how exactly to handle that considering I'm not a tailor myself... like there should probably be a waist seam where the top meets the skirt, though probably hidden by the embroidery at least a little bit... though i guess it could also be that there is a layer of already-embroidered georgette over the top of a slip...

i did not hand draw this embroidery by the way. i almost tried. and then after .5 seconds i said, "oh this doesn't look good and i don't know what i'm doing." so then i used some brushes in clip studio paint and colored in colors i liked and added some beads that are basically not visible at 100% zoom (lmao)

they're there, i swear. i just think it would be cute if there were some very small beads adding a bit of sparkle...

Anyway, I just thought the flowers and colors would be nice. And I know you're probably thinking "huh, where'd they get sheer fabric that's only embroidered on part of it?" considering all those pre-made fabrics w/ the flowers all over... or "where did they get that dress custom-made? did one of their friends pay for it?" to which normally I would say "yeah lol they know at least a half a dozen rich people" but in this case... Well, this is a wedding that involves Peter. and Peter is nothing if not extra, impulsive, romantic, and a masochist—

Peter hand-sewed the entire dress, including the embroidery.

I figure, if he can embroider spider webs onto his suit then surely he can handle this ,as long as he has something to go off of. the dress itself isn't exactly the most complex, except maybe the skirt part falling in a specific way, so this is just another idk how many hours for him to spend futzing around with a needle and thread and insisting he can finish it in time. point in favor, because he does, but only because they have to postpone the wedding from March to May for other, unrelated reasons LMAO

also i just think it's romantic... and i like the idea of him making things with his hands all the time... he takes up woodworking a year or two before this iirc lol (the reasons for that are more morbid though... 😅)

anyway, i wanted the skirt to look nice in a wheelchair without getting in the way of things like the brake grips or the push-rims, so Flash can still move herself around (esp since she doesn't have handles on the back of her wheelchair lol) so that was another thing i was looking at pictures of. I really like georgette so I think it's probably layers of georgette, but drawing that is... hard.

probably looks a little more like this?

but plain ivory obviously, not plaid. drapey with a soft hand, not too fluffy or stiff. probably a satin slip or something underneath.

elegant... backless... I mean if Peter is the one designing it (though presumably Flash has SOME input, I mean, she's the one wearing it) how could he possibly resist the opportunity? (i just think backless dresses look nice) (also it shows off her back muscles, probably)

lmao

as it says in the pic, i figured this should be designed so it's comfortable to sit in and doesn't get tugged around a bunch but I will be honest. i did not have a lot of luck trying to research that so I gave up. I'm sure there's a way to do it but I have no idea how to draw it so I'm handwaving it along with the mysterious missing waist seam LOL

but also it's a wedding dress and most wedding dresses are wildly inconvenient even if you have absolutely no disabilities whatsoever.

at least she doesn't have to go commando...

though i'm sure going to the bathroom is a real nightmare lol

the bouquet and the veil are both on the back of the wheelchair—this was already true even before I decided Flash was gonna use this as an opportunity to be way more girly than usual, but it's still true here too. Though I did end up changing the flowers cause I realized I didn't like what I had, so the final bouquet is a mix of peonies, flowering dogwood, and some kind of wildflower that would be in season in May. Plus the red ribbon to match Peter's accessories.

oh and there's Flash's makeup too. Simple, not too dramatic. I don't imagine her ever being a red lipstick and dramatic eyeshadow kind of person, whether at a wedding with colorful dress or not, but some lip gloss and a little bit of shimmery eyeshadow that you can barely see sounds nice... maybe copper mascara or whatever but nothing dark.

her hair is also not super complicated or fancy, and she has no jewelry or anything like that, aside from the engagement ring... just a nice low bun with some pretty wisps 💞 Courtesy of MJ almost definitely!!

And the yarmulke is for a multitude of reasons. "Technically" Flash is not "legally" a woman at this point, isn't even out to her family yet (lol. lmao.) and hasn't legally changed her name yet either (she's going to after they get married), and I don't even know what the rabbi would think (i mean, i'm sure they've discussed by the time the wedding happens lol) but women wear yarmulkes these days too (these days is... 2014... btw), and Flash will have converted like 4 years before the wedding already (for reasons unrelated to Peter) so it's important to her... so, ultimately, regardless of requirements or level of reformness, I think she just wants to wear one.

Peter gets one too.

isn't he handsome?

lbr he probably wouldn't have even thought about it if Flash didn't bring it up. too busy thinking about what color of tiny beads to sew onto her dress XD

I DID loosely base some elements of Peter's tuxedo on the one from the iconic PeterMJ wedding cover—

—but mostly in ways I probably would have done anyway (dark blue tux... red cummerbund... etc.) (actually now that i think about it, the comic tux is probably meant to be black, huh) and I didn't want to make it actually the same so I gave him a pleated shirt and I didn't use a carnation for his boutonniere. Instead, dogwood (to match the bouquet obviously)—all the flowers I picked I'm PRETTY sure are in-season in May in NYC. as if they couldn't just go to any random garden and get some damn roses but I wanted to be more specific.

Peter doesn't make his tuxedo XD He also doesn't buy or rent it—Johnny Storm is the one in charge here because he insists, Peter. It's a special occasion!! He'd never let his best friend who he's totally not a little bit in love with wear a rental tuxedo to his own wedding! God Forbid. Peter eventually allows him to do so under the stipulation that Johnny keeps it tasteful and classy and "not too expensive."

Which to Johnny means "expensive silks and wools."

he's probably wearing suspenders. i didn't bother drawing that.

also these fucking shoes

NO idea if Peter keeps these. I only came up with them today. He was just gonna wear normal shoes before... but again, this is tasteful a la Johnny Storm. But Peter doesn't usually have occasions to dress fancy so having weird pseudo-spat dress boots is like. "What do I even do with these?" ("Wear them!!!")

I almost made the top part white (thus, pseudo-spats) but I think that kind of requires more of a white tie look... it looks nicer black. and hides his spidey-tighties (except he's not wearing his costume under this). Snaps, too! easy on, easy off!

(vaguely based on (these shoes) btw but not 100%)

wedding rings 💍

i already drew the rings a while ago (though i did slightly modify the coloring) so that's still the same. the engagement ring is essentially Flash's very first step into admitting who she wants to be... Peter doesn't even have a proposal planned, he just asks one day over breakfast lmfao but Flash has to think about it a lot so by the time Peter gets a yes (after a serious conversation with Flash about it) Flash is also like... can I have a ring??? and Peter is like OF COURSE (and actually he did have some money saved for this but he didn't know what to do...)

he'd probably make the ring himself if she asked—he doesn't though, they get it from a jeweler. it's... not cheap but it's less than $1000 at least? benefits of being very small and discreet.

Peter probably also offers to get himself one so they're equals here esp since power dynamics is part of the serious conversation and why Flash has to think about his proposal, but it's just not practical for Science Teacher Spider-Man to have an engagement ring and also they do not have money for that many rings.

in my notes Peter is wearing his uncle's wedding ring btw 🥹 i don't think they have Richard and Mary's rings so that's probably not an option. so, resizing Uncle Ben's ring instead.

anyway...

that's everything

here's Flash again, look how pretty she is

normally she just wears comfy athletic clothes and no makeup lol

[elvenbeard]

Today's modding shenanigans!

Today I wanted to test out ACM a bit :D I think I'd most enjoy using it as an additional tool for making custom outfits and seeing how different item appearances work together, less as my primary tool to creating custom outfits as such (also, it is a bit buggy for me and I can't seem to export appearances reliably for some reason).

Since you can alter custom appearances with it too, though, you could definitely mod one "base outfit" and then change the colors spontaneously for a different vibe (for example, I could make an apperance for Kerry wearing one t-shirt and then change the shirt decal or color on the fly in game without cluttering his .app file with a dozen different appearances that are virtually the same just different colors!). Wondering though if there exists a resource that lists every item's appearance names (cause some are super specific and hard to guess, like... instead of "black" or "smiley-face" you have appearances like "6th street" or "black_capsules") for this purpose... and if not, I'll probably make one just because I would find it useful to have xD

Also, ACM is really neat for taking off Kerry's jewelry on the fly for certain pics XD Or changing nail colors and things like that! In all these regards this is a super useful resource as is already, but I'm excited where the mod makers will take it :D (also... random sidenote, but can we talk about Dante for a moment? I'm a little bit in love, and I need his shirt not only for Kerry but also for Vince XD).

Then some silly behind the scenes stuff xDD @netcess said that Reed really needs a party outfit with a cool hat, so I put something quick and simple together for her and... I wanted to take a pic and as I went into Photomode, Vince spawned straight across from Reed and looked so disappointed at him partying without him when so many pressing issues are at hand XD Just really fun little moment I wanted to capture, intensified by facepalm XD

Honestly he rocks it XD Might make a recolor to fit his suit when the mood strikes xD

And finally: who wore it better? XD

(giggling and kicking my feet at how his hair and beard match now :3)

No but I actually tried my hand at editing this hair mesh for Kerry, cause it was clipping a bit here and there! This is done super quick and dirty like... In theory I know I could export his headmesh and then fit it exactly to that, but for now this aint so bad already actually! :D No more clipping into the side of his head and the hairline in the front looks better. I left out Johnny's hair cap and all that because I wanted to go for a really really short, very freshly shaved look for this like...

Something he would've done at the end of his tour right before coming back to Night City. Keeping the long hair consistent for all concerts. And as I said, I 100% get why he has that look, like... It has old, seasoned rocker vibes, it's so much less clean and more himself than his 2077-appearance like... natural hair color, not styled at all, embracing himself again with the whole "I'm gonna name my next album "Kerry Eurodyne" and go back to my roots thing, he looks like he just came off stage, sweaty and tousled, so... yes!! I do love it for all those reasons, but idk... I feel like, it's also at the same time something low maintenance that he doesn't have to pay a lot of mind to, escaping into his music and career after apparently losing V. And I think with the tour over and with getting V back so unexpectedly, he'd change things up a bit again. It's a concert/tour look for me. And this style is also low maintenance, while still Kerry, still rebellious, but a little more cleaned-up, in control of his life, if that makes sense?

@pinkyjulien sorry for stealing your tags from my other post, but you put it into words so well, on point!!

Especially your last point, cutting/shaving your hair to mark a new beginning is 100% such a thing he'd do!! So yeah, I think I'll stick with this for his two-years-plus-four-months-later look xD

[ask-the-clergy-bc]

Idk if anyones done this yet, but how would the papas II, III,&IV help out their s/o that is incredibly stressed from college and work? With college it’s because their up all night working on homework or studying for exams;cramming too probably and then work doesn’t always help because when they aren’t doing school, they’re working so there’s only a few free days.

(There was one time I was up until 3 or 4AM working on some stuff cause I was working a night shift and got home late. I think I about cried and went “F it, I’m going to bed” cause I was exhausted)

Oh man, study cramming is rough! The Papas DEFINITELY know the feeling!

The Papa's Helping Their S/O With Balancing Work and College

Prefacing this with a fun fact about all of our Satanic Popes. In order to be Papa you are trained in many ways, one of which being higher education! All the Papas have a PhD's (mostly in Theology)! So they all know what it's like to be constantly studying on top of their duties!

Papa Nihil: The overwhelming work load of Papacy is exactly one of the reasons he ran off to do the Ghost Project in 96'! He knows what you are going through and wants to comfort you through it. It might not be helpful, but this is one of those times he encourages you to quit your job so he can take care of you while you finish school. If you aren't willing to give up your job, Nihil will still support you. But he WILL nag you that something has to give before you get too burnt out! Encourages you to try to find a way to cut back either commitment to some degree. His reasoning that is if you can make them both less soul sucking you'll have more energy and your performance will increase for both! He tends to forget that's not always possible... even for someone like himself. But if that doesn't work he's the first one there with a pizza and a shoulder to cry on! Nihil might spirit you away for breaks as you need them.

Papa I: Luckily for you, you are hooked up with the man who is an academic hard working machine! Papa's spare time is dedicated to his sheer love for his position AND his hobby as a scholar. He was the seminary student who went over board for all of his papers, and has written several dozens of books. Knowledge is his hobby and Papacy is his passion. Burn out can happen for Papa too, but he knows how to prevent it. For you, he definitely steps in to help you manage your time and energy. Papa knows that the average person can only study so much in a day and retain it. That, and he knows how important work is for you. So Papa helps sit down and make a schedule with you. He gives you all the effective study methods that has helped all the students he's mentored. You end up getting one of those big calendars where every week you stick your work schedule on it, your assignments due, and breaks. He then gives you a second planner where you figure out what classes to focus on per day based on assignment need. Soon you are still busy but MUCH more organized to the point where you can BREATHE again.

Papa II: Many would accuse him of being heartless and just expect him to tell you to suck it up. He's known for being unsympathetic to his staff or occasional proteges who complain. But the truth is, he would never expect you to run yourself ragged. For his staff, he doesn't expect completely restless nights. Papa just believes that if you are going to work for something, you better do it right and actually put in effort. But Papa knows you also need the chance to relax and unwind... he's a party animal after all! In your case, he will only interfere if it gets to the point where you aren't properly rested and overly stressed. Night shifts and finals are one thing, but you sobbing from sheer stress is another. Papa is the one to take you by the shoulders and tell you that you are over doing it. You need to rest where you can. He will help you where you need him. Papa's knee jerk reaction is to find you a better job or just let you quit. Like Nihil, he'd be happy to take care of you while you just focused on school. But with class, he'd help you manage the stress. By offering to find you tutors or an advisor that can guide you to a more balanced class schedule. Papa is also not above intimidating any professor or manager that gives you shit for being late or needing a day off to recuperate.

Papa III: Papa hates that he can relate to you so well over this. Funnily enough, there are tons of people who think he just floated through life and was handed Papacy on a silver platter. But Papa worked his ass off to get where he is! He did well in seminary and in his degree programs! And that's on TOP of the difficulties he faced during! He only got to reap the benefits once he became Papa and had more freedom to party. Now, that's too say he's not above cutting class or skipping a day of work when the occasion calls. Everyone needs a mental day off. So when you're at the point where you just cry in his arms because you're tired from working late AND staying up to catch up with classes... he takes action. Papa will call your managers and professors and somehow get you an entire day or two off. No questions asked. He insists that your mental well being is way more important than any test or shift. You can't be successful if you can barely keep your eyes open or your thoughts straight! Papa will promise to help you study AFTER your days off. For now, he makes sure you have the proper rest your mind needs.

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Actually, he is the worst person you can ask because he's a workaholic! He used to be worse in his Cardinal days, as he would take on everyone's work loads just to make sure everything was done correctly. On top of that he, like Papa I, is a tireless scholar. It's not until Papacy that he actually slowed down and basked in much more free time. For you, he tries to get you to slow down as much as you can. When he has free time between work, he'll study with you. Copia knows the more effective methods and will work with you to implement them. Copia also LOVES to help with your class work so you can take a break. He'll make you take naps or eat while he proof reads your papers and checks your citations. He will make flash cards for you and quiz you. And on days you go to work he makes the effort of packing you lunches or having your uniform ready to go. Anything to make your day less stressful! Most importantly, he'll stop to give you a kiss and tell you how proud he is of you. That, or let you know that you need to rest. Copia knows that encouragement and helping you through burn out is the most effective thing he can do!

[abruisedmuse]

Ohmygod yes that line🥺🥺 I'm tearing up just thinking about it. So much of this book destroyed me but I cried truckloads particularly for the parent chapters. When Harriet said “How can love end up like that?” I ask thickly. “How is it possible to love someone so much and have it all just go away?” fucked me up so bad because that's exactly what happened to them afterward and—

Still reeling.

Anyways, I'm responding to your comment on here because my megabrain can't figure out how comments and fonts and pictures work on Goodreads🤡 bye now<3

😭😭😭😭😭😭

Happy Place Spoilers Ahead

(If you haven't read it yet. Scroll along.)

From the moment Harriet and Wyn argue on the side of road I honestly don't think I stopped fully crying. The thing that hurts the most between the past and present chapters is that, in the past they're so deeply in love the kind you look at people and are immediately jealous of. That forever kind of love. And they say it a dozen times too! That they're it for each other.

Then you get to the present and it's bittersweet and love simply wasn't enough (plus a little miscommunication lets be honest). It just guts you in a they were suppose to make it way. On top of that the friendship drama. Idk if you have friends that long. All my best friends from middle school amd high school. We all drifted apart. One of my close friends from middle school we occasionally speak but it's a couple texts and then that's it. My Best friend of over 12 years we don't speak. Situation upon Situation led us to drifting apart and now we never speak. So that part when Sabrina, Harriet and Cleo get in a fight. That broke me cause I've been there.

This book was emotionally devastating in so many ways.

And yeah idk how to do anything special on goodreads either lmao. Just comment, like, and track my books. I didn't even know people had groups until last year.

[elamimax]

I wrote a short story set in a specific universe. For context:

Humanity has been conquered by a largely benevolent precursor species that took one look at the galaxy and went “alright, you kids can’t take care of yourselves. You’re getting drugs and therapy,” and subsequently set out to put everyone’s toys on the top shelf until they could be trusted to play nice. They’re called the Affini. It’s generally a kink setting that includes a lot of petplay, consent play, and similar triggers that are associated with a setting named after a first entry called “the Human Domestication Guide.”

None of that is all that relevant to this, though. None of those triggers, other than forced therapy and healthcare. I’m using the setting as a way to explore what “curing” my mental health issues might do for me or to me. If someone “fixed” me, where would that leave me? For that reason, expect a bit of internalised ableism, or at least explorations thereof. Idk. I have thoughts farting around in my brain and I’m making it everyone else’s problem.

———————————

“Sometimes I mourn her. The artist I almost was. Or used to be, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“I used to be an artist. Not just a writer but an author. I wrote a bestseller, back when that still meant something.”

“Oh?”

“I was… fifteen? Something like that. I wrote about pain and sadness but with more eloquence and gravitas than most people my age did. It was a chart-topper for a bit and it meant that for a decade, people paid attention to what I wrote, which meant I could write more and, maybe more importantly to me at the time, it meant I could live off of it.”

“But then the Affini arrived.”

“Then the Affini arrived. Exactly. Money became meaningless, so ‘bestsellers’ stopped existing altogether. Can’t have a bestseller if you’re not selling them. But it was more than that. God, it’s what, fifty, sixty years ago now? Jesus, I’m old. Anyway. For a few decades I actually just kept writing. Didn’t have to worry about food or anything anymore, so I just wrote for the hell of it. I think those might be some of the best years of my life.”

“What changed?”

“I did. Or rather, I didn’t. And that was a problem. I have… a chemical imbalance. Or I had, I guess. It makes regulating emotions almost impossible. Every feeling is the most feeling I have ever felt in my life. It used to be. I wasn’t scared, I was existentially terrified; I wasn’t happy, I was ecstatic; I wasn’t sad, I was distraught, etcetera. And that wasn’t going to last.”

“Why not?”

“Do you know how hard that is? When I fell in love, I abandoned everything for that person. Family, home, whatever. I have cheated so many times because whoever I loved, I loved more than anyone I had ever loved before. And I’m not even going to entertain the notion of justifying that. Anyway, it meant that I’d broken my life to pieces a dozen times over. But the Affini were actually remarkably willing to let me do my thing. The town I was from had surrendered peacefully, and I had too. I had no issues with our leafy overlords.”

“But they took issue with your lifestyle.”

“You could say that. When you have a brain like mine, sometimes you need it to shut the fuck up. It all gets too much. Pills. Alcohol. Weed. Whatever you can get your hands on. Except the Affini only allow you to go so far. You can’t hurt yourself, you see. So the first time I got so drunk I was ready to pass out in the street, they were on me in less than a minute, I think. Flushed the alcohol from my system. They were very worried. Two more times and I was put under permanent supervision. An Affini had taken me under her wing to make sure I didn’t ‘seek more self-destructive behavior’. That’s when they did a proper scan and found the imbalance.”

“Did that fix it?”

“Yeah, it did. I wasn’t scared or angry or sad all the time anymore. It was great. Right up until I tried to write anything.”

“It didn’t work anymore?”

“It didn’t work anymore. Oh, I wrote a few more books — writing is a craft as much as it is an art form. Words are just words — but I didn’t have the power to move people anymore. You know, I think that… When we read a story, we expect things to be slightly larger than life. A monster has to be the scariest monster ever put to paper because otherwise we can’t imagine it. The page dilutes the emotion so you have to lay it on thick.”

“And you were good at that.”

“I was really fucking good at that. I wrote a love story so heartbreaking people sent me death threats. Best thing I ever put to paper. Anyway. When that imbalance was fixed, I couldn’t write about that anymore. I felt things so strongly that, when I put them to paper, they resonated with people. But after that, all I could write was rote fluff.”

“So you couldn’t write grand works anymore?”

“It’s not even that. Like… I had no reason to write anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Why do we write? Why do we tell stories? Sure, you can say something about mythology and passing on knowledge and all of that, but there’s more to it than that, right? Anyway, when the monetary incentive disappeared, I kept writing. I never did it for the money, and anyone who says that all fame is awful is fucking lying to you. But that’s not why I did it. I wrote because if I didn’t, my head would fucking explode. My head was full and projectile vomiting the stories and emotions in my head onto the page was how I dealt with that. When the feelings became ‘normal’, the well of word vomit dried up.”

“So what did you do?”

“What any self-respecting artist whose entire identity revolves around suffering would do: I tried to kill myself.”

“Which failed.”

“Obviously. More xenodrugs. More therapy. God, so much therapy. And it was good and necessary, don’t get me wrong. Being alive is a lot better than being dead. I learned to value my life, that there is more to life than achievement and creating Good Art or whatever that means. You can have a meaningful life just being happy.”

“But you’re not?”

“No, I am. I’m more consistently happy now than I’ve ever been before in my life. But even the happiest person in the world will mourn the loss of a loved one, and I think I do still love the person I used to be. I mourn her, anyway. She could have written something great.”

“And you can’t?”

“Not really, no. Even if I could write with the memory of how I used to feel things, I kind of can’t. I wrote because I had to. When I hadn’t written in a while my hands itched and my eyes burned. The whole world was… have you ever seen the air above a hot stove? Like that. Without that drive… what’s the point?”

“For others to read the story, no?”

“You don’t understand. We live under the yoke of a civilization so grandiose and successful it spans entire galaxies. There are trillions of sapient beings that coexist under the Compact. What story could I possibly tell that has not already been told better?”

“Wasn’t that true before, too?”

“Sure, but back then I didn’t care! I have no story I have to tell, no way to tell it if I did, and no reason to tell any at all. Sometimes I do resent them for that.”

“The Affini?”

“Yes. It’s why I tried to end it. They took away what had felt like my purpose, because it was self-destructive. I am happier now and that, I think, counts as a win for them. I have no desire to end my life, which is mostly fulfilling and content. That I resent them for not letting me choose to be miserable is almost part of their entire ethos: that us humans, if given the choice, will choose to be miserable so often that we can’t be trusted with the choice to begin with.”

“Do you think that’s true?”

“I do. But I wonder sometimes if it matters. I wonder sometimes how many great works of art the universe has lost to the Affini. I understand that they desire to reduce pain. To reduce harm. To make the universe a happier, healthier place. But I wonder. How ethical is it really to take away the pain from someone who isn’t done with it yet? What if my unhappiness was something I needed to feel complete, whatever the fuck that means?”

“Did you try telling them that?”

“I did. I was put into more therapy. More drugs, until I figured it out and they were absolutely sure I wasn’t going to have another go at my wrists again. I took up baking. It’s very satisfying. I made a baguette the other day. It was pretty good.”

“You’re not satisfied.”

“I think you’re misunderstanding me. I am satisfied. There is nothing that I could want for that I don’t have access to. Food. Adventure. Fiction. Love. Sex. Art. Hobbies. Attention. If I could choose now, I don’t think I’d go back. But if past me were to meet current me, I think she’d try to kill me and then herself for how hollow she would think my existence. I don’t have a use for ambition and drive anymore, but she did. I think she’d be very upset at how comfortable I’ve gotten not doing much of anything.”

“But she was unhappy.”

“Deeply. Sometimes. She was also very happy sometimes. She wasn’t a monolith. She was just very extreme. When file the tip off of a pencil, they become a lot more difficult to properly write with.”

“You feel like a filed down pencil.”

“Yes. But at least I won’t hurt others or myself anymore. I’m happy. Comfortable. I just wonder. And I mourn. The universe is happier with the Affini in it, but I can’t help but wonder if it isn’t less beautiful for it.”

“You’d rather people be in pain?”

“That’s an unpleasant way of looking at it.”

“You make it sound like hurting someone is good because it could make them a better artist.”

“I’m saying that the universe wasn’t a happy place before the Affini were in it, and now that they are, it’s like everything is different. A sunrise feels so much better after a cold night. Food tastes better when you’ve been hungry. Soft beds feel better after a long, hard day. I’m not saying every day should be hard or that every night should be cold or that people should go hungry. Just that warm and soft and full used to mean something and I feel like they don’t. Not anymore. Not really.”

“Adversity breeds… happiness?”

“We appreciate the good more if we have the bad for contrast. We’ve raised the baseline and cut off the deviations. I worry sometimes that that’s what the Affini are too busy doing. Equalizing a sine wave. Was I disabled? Most definitely. I was fucking broken, much as my therapist hates that word. I was a shell of a person when they brought me in. But not every broken thing needs to be fixed, and I don’t think all of them understand that.”

“So what would you do if you could go back?”

“I’d write something, I think.”

“And if you couldn’t go back, but you got it back? Your muse?”

“There was no muse.”

“You know what I mean.”

“What would I do if I had my pain back?”

“Yes.”

“I think I’d still write. I think I’d fall back into old self-harming patterns and keep it a secret. Try to be better about hiding from them.”

“What if you didn’t have to hide?”

“If you’re broken? Around Affini? You hide or you get fixed. You don’t really get a say in it. Affini hate broken things. Or maybe they love broken things because they can fix them. I feel like I used to be able to read them, but I can’t anymore. Like I’m too healthy to understand them, nowadays. I don’t know why they do what they do, but they do it. Protect you from yourself, at all costs. Yeah, hiding would be the only option. The only real option, anyway. I’d hide.”

“But what if you didn’t? How would you feel?”

“That sounds self-destructive. That sounds like I’d be dead of alcohol poisoning, drug use, suicide or one of a million other things in a few years.”

“You’re evading the question. That’s not how you feel.”

“I think… I think I’d be angry. Vindictive. I think I’d want to hurt one of them.”

“Why?”

“Because they never asked that question.”

[celestialtitania]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you @kasienda for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

The current number is 51 and honestly? it still blows my mind.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

151,239, made up almost entirely of one shots lol.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

There's a lot of them but in recent years, it's mainly been miraculous ladybug, my hero academia, and the occasional percy jackson.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I'M HIS BEST FRIEND (no, it's me!) (MHA)

A Preposterous Predicament (ML)

Mind Outta Body (FT)

Ma Douce Souffrance (ML)

my colours on you (ML)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I'm really good at responding right after I publish a fic. It's afterwards that I sometimes forget to respond, or simply don't have enough time to respond. I always appreciate every comment I get though!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Angstiest ending huh? A bunch of my fics are angsty but the one that I think ends in the most angst would have to be dance with the devil, drink with the demons, without it being outright whump lol.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Happy? Happy. Um....I'm gonna say party like it's your heroes' birthday just because there's a party and it's sweet and yeah lmao. It also has the wholesome family/friend vibes that keep me from forever being confused about the correct fluff to angst ratio.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been extremely lucky and have been able to avoid it for the most part. That's not to say I've gotten no hate ever, but it was minimal enough that I pretend it doesn't exist. Fervently hoping it stays that way!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No. Maybe. No. The idea has crossed my mind but I haven't been able to write it as of yet. Maybe I never will. Who's to say really?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Kind of? I did it exactly once. But not in the traditional way, it was more of a, "take the world-building idea of percy jackson and put it into a fairy tail quest" so I'm not sure if it actually counts.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. Or at least I hope I haven't!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I was asked once, many moons ago, but then they never got back to me, so I assume they dropped the idea.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No? Unless we're counting those fic fights/telephone things where one person starts and another takes over. There was also this one time, I was writing a fic with a few others but we never managed to finish, so I don't really count that one.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

All time? And I'm only supposed to pick one?? Next time, give me a tough question, will ya? Wow uh, I don't know if it's my favourite ship, perse, but it is the ship I've shipped the longest + one I've actually written for, so I'm gonna go with lovesquare. *shrugs* probably typical of me, but it was the only ship to get inside my head so badly that I've written over a dozen fics for them, instead of more gen stuff, which is my usual go-to otherwise.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Well, if we look at my gigantic list of unpublished fics, there's probably plenty of WIPs to choose from there. As for published, well I don't want to say I never will but yeah Forsake the Divine (If You Can) seems to be a pretty solid choice, if only because there are only 1 chapter and a half left to go and it's all outlined too, but I've kind of fallen out of the fandom (it's very dead) so idk if I'll ever manage to put it together.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization is definitely a strong suit. And judging purely from my comment section, I feel okay assuming that I'm pretty good at making the emotional beats land too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description definitely. It's been pointed out to me more than once that I'm so focused inside the characters' heads that I forget to interact more with the world around them. Nature wants to be incorporated and I'm working on that.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I hate it. It feels so strange to me to have a few words in a different language and then abruptly switch back to English. The only thing that I feel I have to do in another language though, is honorifics. Whether it be -san, -kun, or Madame, I think I get super extra about it. I once delved into such a rabbit hole trying to figure out what honorific even a side character uses, just for a throwaway dialogue!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ooh, officially? Fairy Tail. Unofficially, hidden in the depths of my laptop? Yeah, it was Percy Jackson. My childhood favourite that still haunts my thoughts to this day.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Ironically? This is the second time I've been asked that today and the choice is still just as difficult. Or maybe it's that my actual favourites are still unfinished and hence unpublished. For now, I'm going to say Enduring, it's the fic that was most different genre-wise from what I usually write, and I'm very proud of how it turned out. If I ever manage to finish it though, my favourite will probably be a life unlived or maybe I'm just doomed to never have a favourite, because there will always be something new I'm looking forward to reading (meaning I have to write it to be able to see it). Tagging (no pressure!) @shortmexicangirl @rosiesared @ck2k18 @heartfulselkie @coffeebanana @mdelpin @kiliinstinct @lady-charinette

[friend-of-giants]

Distant sound of a party for Wren!

💛 @vilkas

This turned out a little spicier than I anticipated! Minors may want to stay away as this ends up as sort of a fade-to-black smut piece 😂 I am not proud of myself. I also do not know what is being celebrated in said party, it's just a citywide get together for the fine folks of Riften!

Word count: 806

Warnings: alcohol use, a drunk guy throws up, implications of sexual activity

Tagging: @lookathooves @cwahsont @lucien-lachance idk who else wants to see this kind of thing lol

Nobody could celebrate quite like the people of Riften. 

The town square had been transformed over the course of the afternoon.  Glowing orbs of magic hovered above the plaza, painting the usually dingy city in a cool, pleasant light for once.  The Black-Briar meadery and the local tavern had set up shop in the marketplace, selling all manner of food and drink, but mostly mead.

Jarl Laila Law-Giver even called upon the Bard’s college to send some of their finest musicians to grace the event, but they were drowned out by dozens of drunken conversations, each growing louder by the minute as the guests struggled to let their voices be heard.  

Teldryn pushed his way through the crowd, silently kicking himself in the ass for letting Wren out of his sight.  He hadn’t seen her in nearly half an hour, and she would be awfully hard to find seeing as he had downed a few too many bottles of mead himself, and the fact that she was so damn tiny.  She wasn’t in line at any of the stalls, nor in the small gathering in front of the performing bards.  

Maybe she went home, he thought.  He supposed it would be worth a try checking there, at least.  

The alleys were much less crowded, with only a few straggling partygoers finding their way down them, likely trying to find a more quiet place to talk.  One particularly drunk man was heaving his guts in front of the general goods store.  Teldryn held his breath as he walked by, and thanked the Gods he wouldn’t have to clean that up in the morning.  

Across the bridge in front of him lay Honeyside, nice and snug in the shadows against the outer walls of the city.  The windows were dark, and a tug on the doorhandle confirmed that she hadn’t been here.  

“Damn it.”  He sighed heavily and paced for a moment in front of the door before leaning against it.  She would return at some point, and he would be here when she decided to show.  At least the sky was clear, so he tilted his head back to watch the stars while he waited. 

Something small and warm grazed against the small of his back, and the familiar scent of dragon’s tongue flowers and honey struck him.  A smile worked its way to his lips and he glanced down to find exactly what he had been looking for. 

“There you are,” he purred.  Wren gazed back at him with heavy eyelids and a grin as wide as her face, a nearly empty bottle of Black-Briar reserve in one hand.  “I’d been looking all over for you, where’d you go?”

“My garden.”  Wren downed the last of her drink and set the bottle aside, then placed her hand on his chest.  “I wanted to have some quiet time,” she said, staring at the buttons of his shirt.  Her fingers unhooked the top two and she pulled the fabric aside and let out a happy little hum.

Teldryn drew in a sharp breath as her lips pressed against his bare skin, and he forced out his thoughts as calmly as he could.  “I was worried, little dragon.”

Wren opened her eyes and looked up at him, not taking her mouth away from his chest even to speak.  “Why?” 

“I saw how much you had to drink, you could have-”  He let his head fall back and sighed as she tugged clumsily at the waistband of his pants and continued nipping at his flesh.  “...could have fallen into the canals.”

She chuckled against him.  “But I didn't.”  

A faint roar of laughter erupted from the town center which soon faded away, leaving the dull murmur of the crowd and the faintest hint of music floating down the alley toward them.  Teldryn wondered what fun they were missing out on, but he was glad to be away from the noise.  

“So…” he began, pushing his fingers through her hair.  Wren stopped her little bout of kisses and rested her head on his chest, his open shirt fluttering as she released a hot breath down the front of it.  Teldryn smiled.  "Want to head back to the party?”

"No." She slowly pulled away from him and fumbled through her pockets, then pulled out her key, jiggled it in the lock, and the door opened with a satisfying creak.

Wren stepped inside, then turned back to him with a look that sent a ripple of desire through him. Her pupils were blown wide, leaving only a thin ring of crimson on the black of her eyes, and even by the dim light of the moons he could see her ears and cheeks had grown purple. Teldryn's pulse quickened as she took his hand, and he followed her inside for their own celebration.

[shmothman]

So based on your posts I believe your a biologist (biology adjacent background at least, know about animals?) serious question about the Pokémon world for you. Do you think animals exist there?

In the earlier show and iterations it seemed like there were animals (like there are here even if they weren’t exactly featured) and Pokémon - the cooler animals that had abilities and could kill ppl and ppl were forced to respect. The newer iterations (probably bc so many Pokémon have been introduced) pretty much seem to show that there are only Pokémon ex. In the first series when Ash and gang visit the Cerulean gym and see the aquarium it looks like a bunch of fish and then some Pokémon (I think there was only a handful of gen 1 one water Pokémon so that makes sense) but now in journeys underwater scenes will include dozens of water Pokémon from all gens with no generic looking fish (which also makes sense in terms of gen continuity and not needing generic fish to fill the water anymore)

I personally think there are animals and bugs and Pokémon are the “more special” ones. Bc I’m pretty sure ppl eat meat there but could not imagine eating Pokémon would be ok. Idk the whole thing is insane to me. Some Pokémon are classified as “fire-Xanimal” - ie Litten being fire-cat Pokemon but how do they know what a cat is? If animals don’t exist??? Or my other theory is animals existed and were slowly replaced/evolved into the Pokémon we see now

What do you think?

I am indeed a biologist!! A river ecologist, at the present, but my background is in general biology! And I do have many thoughts on this topic 🤣

Obviously, in the first couple seasons of the anime, there were some “regular” animals included—things like the fish from Cerulean—and I do agree that that’s pretty much only because they didn’t have enough pokemon yet to fill the scenes out. (Also because in… 1998? Or so? When that episode came out, they had no way of anticipating just how huge pokemon would be, over 20 years and 900 pokemon later 🤣) BUT when I write the pokemon world, I write as if pokemon are the only animals. (Though, funny enough, there are plant pokemon, but also “regular” plants.) As for the meat they eat… eh. I honestly just don’t think about it too much 🤣 synthetic meat maybe. Plant burgers 🤣

The whole Pokédex thing—meowth being the “scratch cat” pokemon and pikachu being the “electric mouse” pokemon and things like that… I just see that as a way for players and viewers to be able to relate to the new pokemon they’re being introduced to, you know? Though I obviously don’t think it’s wrong to headcanon that there are regular animals as well as pokemon—it’s just not how I write the world! (Of course, there are exceptions to my rule: coral are technically animals, and I would have no problem writing about there being a coral reef in the pokemon world, populated by regular coral as well as corsola, for instance 🤣)

Although I am a scientist, I do take pokemon with a heaping grain of fantasy salt 🤣 though what I think is most interesting is the idea of evolution (the scientific kind, not the pokemon kind—man, that terminology would get confusing in-fiction) and taxonomy in the pokemon world—even if it doesn’t make much real sense, considering pokemon are designed to be the Coolest, not… the most realistic for the ecological niche they might fill. God I’d love to be a pokemon professor.

[justtogetthrough]

I still can't get over my therapy session yesterday. In the span of one hour we hit on so many painful truths I don't let myself face. It's continuing to be a mindfuck. Every time I started crying she guided me back to stability and that's honestly one of my big tests for therapists - how they help me through the most triggering and most sensitive stuff. Perhaps the most expert therapist I've ever seen (I've seen 20+ over my life) told me that tears mean the topic is too raw and you can't productively work through an issue if it's intense enough to make you cry. It needs to be approached differently - a good therapist can find an "in" without escalating the client to the point of crying. I was like hmm yeah that makes sense. And now it's my benchmark but also I don't broach topics that sensitive until there's a lot of trust there. I've been seeing this therapist since December? 7 months in and we're now starting to get to some of my painful stuff. It was the first I've cried with her and she handled it exactly the way I would expect a very competent therapist to and I'm pleased because oh god do I have shit to process that I've been sitting on for a really long time it seems.

I can't get over how skilled and well-matched this therapist is for me. She was one of almost a dozen therapists I reached out to from a Google search after a near suicide attempt and taking myself to hospital. She was the 3rd or 4th one I booked a session with after doing screening calls with a rundown of my profile to see if they were up for the challenge (some werent lawl). The comfort was instantaneous and at a level not experienced in my other intro sessions with people where it felt forced and weird and I was like idk what to talk about to get this started and they don't seem to know either.

I also like this therapist because when I deflected on a really big topic last week she let me but at the end she was like uuum we should really circle back to that. It's important. I was like *smirk* ya ok bye see you next week! And then yesterday she started with her usual so, how are things. And I recapped my week and my stress and how much things suck. AND THEN SHE CIRCLED US BACK. And it was so connected to all the shitty things that had happened this week it turns out and it was so connected to my overarching struggles and I was like wow I've had a lot of therapists suggest we talk about stuff but I won't let it happen that easily and then they let me just direct everything and half my problem is I don't deal with some of my major problems. So this woman legit let me get off my chest what I needed to and then took the lead in what we should talk about AND she kept the whole conversation under control and it's like damn, she's good.

I am not an easy client because a) I'm stubborn, which is frustrating for people, b) I have an insane amount of insight and yet continue to behave in maladaptive ways AND defend my maladaptive behaviour endlessly, which is frustrating for people (and very repetitive and exhausting), and c) I work in social services and am highly educated in the field of mental health and a lot of therapists don't know how to work with that for whatever reason, which seems to make people feel a little helpless and insecure and that in no way makes me feel safe to share things. So I've developed a screening process before I even meet with people lol where I give them a rundown of these factors, my laundry list of diagnoses, and all the treatments I have done and that clearly haven't worked, to see if they're brave enough for the challenge. And I'm pretty sure this therapist responded with excitement. That's the kind of nerdiness for what you do that I need lol and honestly in every session she really does rise to the occasion and I can see her piecing me together like a puzzle and it's like yes. This is what I need. Someone who sees how complicated and stupid this is but is intrigued and driven to find a solution.

Anyway I like my therapist a lot and it's good because I have some big shit to work through lawl

(There's still 2 hours until I can go to bed uuuggghhhh)

[phoenixyfriend]

When Obi-Wan gets to AotC, there's also about two dozen Anakin clones on-site. They're all girls because... IDK Anakin is trans. They have a hive mind and are developmentally a few years younger than Anakin himself.

It's incredibly unsettling to Obi-Wan.

It's almost definitely a "fuck with Anakin's already fragile mental health" ploy by Palpatine, along with a "what if Jedi Black Widows, for me, a Sith Lord. Wouldn't that be neat? That would be neat."

Anakin is torn between "this freaks me out" and "GANG OF BABY SISTERS LET'S GOOOOOOO."

(I just finished reading Like Real People Do by glimmerglanger, so this is definitely inspired by that and the obligatory 'lay back in bed and daydream variations on plot points of that fic you just really enjoyed,' and also a little by Same Heart, Same Blood by loosingletters.)

They're physically like 14-16 on average, and Anakin's vibrating out of his skin with a million conflicting emotions, but when he tells Padme she's just like "oh, you have a handmaiden gang!"

I told this to @willowcrowned and she suggested:

Once Anakin decides to repress the part of him that’s weirded out and just regard them as baby sisters he gets. A little strange about it The first time one of them dies he may or may not slaughter every person he can [in response to Padme's comment] Anakin starts worrying that he needs to get them cool matching outfits

I also chatted about it with @firebirdeternal and they said:

Gang of Unsettling Smol Siblings is exactly the Karma that Anakin deserves

Do you think the Clones have a kind of Collective Name that they use at first that eventually just kind of morphs into a new last name? Skysisters or something? Like Palpatine was trying to be clever and name them like the Nightsisters.

I initially went with "functionally one person" hive-mind but I'm torn.

I think maybe they're BASICALLY one person on Kamino but drift into Separate Consciousness once they're far enough apart physically that their minds don't blend from proximity anymore.

Then they start Dating (like half of them are dating Fett clones because they grew up with these dudes, it's like childhood friends romance), and Anakin loses his mind about Protecting Them and They're Too Young.

Padme: You're nineteen and we just got married, they can date. Anakin: THEY'RE EIGHT. Padme: And the Fett clones are ten and dying for us in the field. Get them rights before you panic about their love lives.

Firebird:

it could be worse, one of them could imprint on Obi-Wan. "Anakin I promise I won't yell at you for the next five stupid things you do if you can figure out a way to stop this baby from having a crush on me" (I like the idea of Obi-wan bargaining not with "I won't be mad at you ever" because they Both Know That's Not True, and instead haggling with specific allowances. Like he's handing out Stupidity Coupons)

Please imagine Mace and Obi-Wan's personal responses to the idea of suddenly having to deal with not one, not two, but OVER TWENTY SKYWALKERS.

Plo is delighted to take one off their hands.

So is Yoda.

Willow:

Mace is like. okay suicide isn’t the Jedi way but on the other hand. i physically cannot deal with this Yoda: a skywalker, you say? one who is tall enough to reach the top shelf, you say? such a skywalker, bring me

Anakin would be given at least one because fuck you, suffer with us, but he's still a padawan so Ugh, fine, no.

I want to say one stays on Coruscant to hang out with the Guard, and ends up half-adopted by Padme. She keeps dressing up the Aniclone left with her in handmaiden outfits and sending selfies to Anakin.

"Hanging out with the little SiL!"

Anakin has so many issues about WHEN his genetic material was acquired.

And there's some confusion from the Fett clones about how much of a hive mind is normal for Jedi. They are confused that the answer is basically none, and "this is WHY nobody clones a Jedi"

ONE OF THEM STEALS BOBA FROM THE ARENA ON GEONOSIS.

Firebird:

"I have followed in our progenitor's footsteps and acquired a sibling." holds up a struggling Boba "He bites."

Willow:

Ooooo okay so if they have a sort of hive mind then they probably don’t have names other than their designations on Kamino right BUT When they SEPARATE The one that picks Boba up on Geonosis gets a name specifically for that. Okay what if the one Padmé picks up gets some variant on ‘pretty’ because she’s always being dressed up BELLE Maybe Yoda’s Ani has a name that means thief? Because obviously Yoda is using Anakin to steal sweets

So, to make the timeline work...

I don't think anyone would give Anakin one of his sisters until after he's knighted at least.

So obviously when they're doing initial placements none of the sisters go to him or Obi-Wan.

Once he's knighted, of course they're already all placed with someone, and Anakin instead gets Ahsoka. He loves Ahsoka. She is also a little sister. He said so.

At some point afterwards, one of the sisters is left without a place because the Master that was in charge of her died in the field battle.

That sister then gets placed with Obi-Wan, because he's already mostly-successfully raised one Skywalker, so he can do it again.

Anakin gets to hang out with her basically all the time.

Ahsoka is very very jealous of this girl stealing Anakin's attention.

Anakin is oblivious to the rivalry.

He asks Barriss to look after them while he's discussing Adult War Things with Luminara and Obi-Wan, and Barriss gets an eye into This Mess, which is quickly colored by Ahsoka growing a puppy crush on the lovely Miss Offee herself.

Firebird:

Ahsoka: Ah yes, my nemesis. Anisister: Ah yes, my new older sister whom I want to impress so bad.

"I will impress her by being Stoic and Competent" "Oh my god she must think she's so much better than me what a bitch"

Anakin is oblivious to most things to be fair Anakin: Laser focused precision fighting machine who can read the tiniest body movements and predict your moves seconds in advance, who also cannot understand even the most basic social nuance. I was originally writing this as to Dunk on Anakin but then I made myself sad, because none of those things are really his fault.

So you know that post about like, Sasuke and Brooding, specifically in the context of "Brooding" as it's used to refer to Nesting Chickens? Grouchy and protective and sitting on a tennis ball trying to hatch it because they're just. "These are my Babies." Anakin Broods. Baby sisters. Must protecc. "I'm actually fine and extremely deadly in combat." "MUST PROTECT."

Bad Guy: [catches Ahsoka in a Trap] Aniclone: Must rescue sister! Aniclone: [fights, is not winning fight, gets ouched] Ahsoka tearing her way out of Trap: I lived bitch. Also: stay the fuck away from her. [murders so hard]

Ahsoka catches the Protective Older Sib feels by the traditional method: "Hey, only I'm allowed to be mean to them."

Willow:

Oh Anakin has no clue what’s going on. He walks in on Ahsoka glaring at the Ani and is like!!! Little sisters!!! Bonding!!! When Ahsoka was about three seconds away from tossing her out of the airlock. Ahsoka mistakenly assumes that Barriss has a crush on the Ani, and gets even MORE jealous.

Obi-Wan is like oh god. I can’t take care of an Anakin going through puberty again. He’s great with periods and other stuff because he read about a billion books. He is TERRIBLE with everything else, as he was the first time.

Barriss is like???? YOU'RE BOTH CHILDREN, PLEASE CALM DOWN, I HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN DATING ANYONE, LET ALONE SOMEONE YOUR AGE.

IDK how old Obi-Wan's Aniclone is, probably physically the same age as Ahsoka?

Per @atagotiak on discord:

Also something something, similarities btw Anakin and Obi-Wan where like. "Am I a parent? That seems uncomfortable, I'm too young to be a dad to a kid this age, I mean I'm cool with being a mentor/caretaker but..."

Obi-Wan can't even sidestep parenthood this time.

"Is Anakin basically your dad?" "Uhhhhhh" [Muffled discussion] "So Obi-Wan is your dad." "Okay!" "WAIT NO I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS"

Ahsoka: She's stealing my brother, that BITCH. Obi-Wan's Aniclone: new sister new sister new sister gotta make a good impression

Firebird:

I feel like the Sister Squad would make very effective interstellar espionage agents Even like, kind of by accident. They just get encouraged to branch out in their interests and figure out what they want to do with their lives and end up all over the dang place, and since they're all pretty dang competent they tend to gravitate towards Important Positions wherever they end up. Except for one sister who just retires to raise Space Sheep.

I like that in this AU Palpatine is just like "I will create an army of Loyal Murderers who will obey my every whim and also be a big psychological lever on my Other Pet Murderer," and then they all just Baby Duckling imprint on the first Jedi to be nice to them instead and he has to just be like "Wait no not like that."

AND one of them Steals Boba

I want Obi-Wan's Aniclone to start dating Fives. All the sisters judge her for it, because he's a Goof. A very competent, ARC Trooper goof! But a goof.

Not as goofy as Anakin, though.

Firebird:

Who expects a clone of Anakin Skywalker to not make questionable lifelong romantic choices impulsively?

[prettyboypucey]

Weird ~ G.W.

Summary: George is gorgeous. Charlie is a meddler. The snow is cold. (this summary sucks...just read it) 

Pairing: George Weasley x Y/N 

Word Count: 2,404 (who do I think I am?) 

Warnings: mentions of bullying. mentions of food/eating. george is unknowingly triggering? reader cries. idk? let me know if i missed something. 

A/N: part 2? maybe? translations are for romanian via google translate. do not come for me if they are hella wrong. 

Translations: draga - darling; dragoste - love; tampit - stupid 

     I had never been normal. From the time I was a toddler I had stars in my eyes and dirt on my knees. While the other kids in my grade were playing with dolls and dressing respectably, I was riding imaginary dragons and wearing mismatched socks with dungarees and a butterfly headband. Normalcy evaded me even further when at 11 years old, I got a letter declaring me a witch.

     When I first came to Hogwarts I spent the majority of my time alone. It appeared that even children who could wave a stick around and makes things fly wanted nothing to do with the colorful little girl. Meeting Luna Lovegood in my second year was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Here was a girl who allowed me to be exactly who I was with no judgments. And then she introduced me to Neville Longbottom and Ginny Weasley, and suddenly that little girl who thought her only friends would always be the rocks she painted faces on, had found her people.

     Of course, being friends with Ginny Weasley meant knowing her many brothers. So after graduation when I went off to Romania to work with dragons it made me feel slightly better knowing Charlie Weasley would be there. He quickly took me under his wing and became the older brother figure I had never had. After working together for three years, and electing to stay at the sanctuary for the last two over the holidays, he had finally convinced me to come home with him. I was reluctant to leave the sanctuary - the one place I truly feel safe (despite the massive fire breathing creatures).

     Charlie had warned me that being with one or two of the Weasleys was very different from being with the entire Weasley clan. Obviously I knew Charlie and Ginny, Ron had always been nice to me, and I had met Molly a handful of times in passing. However, Bill was known to be quite intimidating, Percy was supposedly very no-nonsense, and the twins (albeit never cruel) had a reputation of being hell-raisers.

     Apparating to the edge of a marsh with Charlie by my side I could see the rising structure haphazardly balanced slightly ahead.

     Pausing, I glanced at the back of the familiar red covered head, “I don’t know Charles, maybe I should just go back. I really don’t want to be a burden.”

     Charlie very quickly rounded behind me to continue guiding me towards his home, “No, no, no, no, no. No. You’re not a burden to anyone draga. Keep your head up and if any of them give you grief - remind them of the giant, winged beasts you can feed them to.”

     Quickly placing a kiss to the side of my head Charlie bounded ahead again to open the door and announce your arrival. Before I could toe off the first boot to leave next to the dozen other pairs in the entryway, a pair of arms had flung around my neck.

     “Y/N! I missed you so much!”, Ginny pulled back, keeping her grip on my shoulders, to inspect for any major injuries.

     I held onto her elbows, keeping her close, “Hi Gin, I missed you too. A lot. I’m loving this new look by the way.”

     She reached up to brush the now short locks behind her ears. A grin on her face as the two of us looked the other over for the first time in months. Ginny was wrapped in a pretty baby pink sweater with shades of red and white running through it. The material was soft against my palm as I hooked it around her crooked elbow to follow her into the living area.

     “You know”, she started, “I was starting to think maybe Charlie had let you get eaten or burnt to a crisp in the land of dragons. It’s been so long since you’ve come to see me or left the sanctuary.”

     “I’m sorry Ginny. It’s just that after everything, I had to keep myself busy.”

     Ginny’s smile softened into one of understanding. The war had taken a part of all of us. Although Fred had recovered after many months, that fear of almost losing such a vital part of their family had rocked the entire Weasley family to its core.

     “I get it, I do, but I worry about you. I just want you to know you’re not alone Y/N.”

     I pulled the girl into another tight hug, “I know.”

     Ginny pulled away first, clearing her throat, “Okay! Now that’s out of the way - it’s time to introduce the one and only Y/N L/N to the Weasley’s.”

     I hummed, “Hmmm and which of us should be more scared?”

     “Oh definitely the Weasleys.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~~

     Meeting the Weasley family had gone much better than expected.

     Molly had opened her arms and home to me as if I was one of her own children. By the time the night was over she had me stuffed full of warm food and drink and donning my very own coveted Weasley sweater, the lavender initial in the middle marking it as my own. Arthur had been very interested in my muggle parents and upbringing, questioning me about the functions of a rubber duck. Bill and his wife Fleur were the most stunning couple I have ever seen, and not nearly as intimidating as people portrayed them. Fleur was pleased when she found out I spoke a bit of conversational French and promised to have me over to Shell Cottage (apparently they have an amazing collection of wind chimes that I am dying to see). Percy was a bit more refined. Completely polite and friendly but he seemed reserved. Ginny had explained in one of her letters how much guilt Percy carried after the Battle of Hogwarts over how he had behaved in the years leading up to that day.

     The twins were much different than I remembered them being from the few times we were around each other in school. The physical differences were clear - George’s missing ear and Fred’s dragging limp were both signs of the prices they paid in the war. More than that however, they had matured greatly. They were still happy and made sure to pull at least two pranks over the night, poor Molly nearly lost her voice after they blew up the turkey. However, there was something in their eyes that had been dimmed. Especially in George.

     His twin almost died that night, and it reflected in George’s eyes each time he looked at his older brother. It was clear that he was still afraid because whenever Fred left a room George followed, never letting his brother out of his sight, and if he happened to lose track of him a panic began to swirl in his brown orbs.

     I was in the middle of watching as George yet again made his way to Fred’s side, clapping a large hand on his twins shoulder and throwing his head back in laughter.

     “So which one are you staring at dragoste?”, Charlie whispered as he appeared out of nowhere.

     I ignored the burning in my cheeks as I looked away from the scene in front of me.

     “I am not staring at either of them tampit.”

     “Mhmm, sure, absolutely, I believe you.”, after a quick pause he said, “It’s George isn’t it?”

     I turned and scoffed at him, “No!… How did you know?”

     Charlie let out a chuckle, “Because I know you my little dragon. I also know my brother, and just between us, he definitely likes you as well.”

     At this I let out an incredulous laugh and glanced back to where George was now telling a story, his hands moving animatedly. There was no way that George Weasley had even a remote attraction to me. He was kind, strong, clever, and so bloody gorgeous it truly was a privilege to look at him. And I am…me. Nothing special. Just a girl who had more dragon friends than human ones and whose hands were covered in scars and callouses and whose socks never matched and had never even kissed a man before. So no, there was no way that George Weasley would ever like me.

     “Hey. I know that look Y/N. Stop those thoughts right this bloody second.”

     “Charles it really is annoying when you read me like that.”

     Throwing his arm over my shoulder he began to lead me towards the twins, “Yes I know and I am sorry in advance but this needs to be done. Fred!”

     Charlie’s voice had gone from a rushed whisper to a jovial shout when we reached George, Fred, and Ron by the fireplace. George’s smile as he turned to look at us sent a million butterflies off in my tummy.

     “So Freddy, I was hoping you could help me out with a top secret project tomorrow for mum and maybe show me around the joke shop. I heard you added some new displays that I want to check out.”

     “Sure Charlie”, Fred glanced at George as he spoke, “I’m sure we can make some time for our favorite brother.”

     Ignoring Rons protest, Charlie gripped my shoulders and pushed me in front of him, “Actually George I was thinking you could stay here and show Y/N around the area. She mentioned wanting to talk a walk tomorrow and I would hate to disappoint her on her first Christmas out of the sanctuary.”

     “Um-”

     I interrupted the rejection coming from George, “No please, I would hate to be a bother and make you be stuck with me all day. I’m sure Ginny can take me.”

     George smiled and shook his head, “No it’s completely fine Y/N. I would be happy to show you around.”

     “Okay great! It’s settled then!”, Charlie looked rather too pleased with himself and obviously missed the look exchanged by his identical younger brothers.

~~~~~~~~~~

     The next morning the Burrow was a flurry of movement as everyone began their day. Apparently Charlie and Fred weren’t the only ones on their way out. The others still had some last minute gift shopping to do and Ron was spending the day with Hermione’s muggle family. After breakfast, a quick wink from Charlie, and a slam of the front door - George and I were alone in the house.

     The two of us stood facing one another in the living room for a few awkward moments before George spoke, “Well, um, did you want to head out as well?”

     “Oh sure! Yes, let me just grab my boots really quickly.”

     George led me out the door and onto the snow covered path towards the small, iced over river. Nothing was said for a while, the only sound was the crunch of snow under our boots and the occasional sniffle from one of our red noses. I was mentally imagining all the ways I was going to kick Charlie’s ass when he got back for suggesting a walk in the middle of winter when we came to the top of a hill and stopped.

     Everything as far as the eye could see was blanketed in sheets of white. Stomping my boots down into the fresh snow, I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped as the snow gave way underfoot. Feeling a pair of eyes on me I remembered that I wasn’t alone and turned to see George watching me with an unidentifiable look on his face.

     “Sorry, sorry. That was - I don’t know why I did that. I liked the feeling of the crunch of the snow I guess. Sorry.”

     George grinned, “You don’t have to apologize. It was cute.”

     I could feel my face flush at his words. His smile grew even wider at the sight of my heated face. My gaze dropped from his pretty face down to my boots. I could feel the thick socks I had on beginning to grow cold and wet from how long we’d been outside. Looking back up I could see George’s deep eyes glaze over. Assuming it was because he had been apart from Fred so long I glanced out at the view one last time before turning back the way we came.

     “We should probably get back. We’ve been gone a while and my toes are getting wet. I feel bad enough that Charlie forced you to do this anyways without you getting frostbite or something. I’ve had frostbite, it’s not fun. And now I’m rambling. I’m sorry. Sorry”

     George was shaking his head at me and said, “You are so weird.”

     Ouch. My chest tightened and the small smile I had been wearing dropped from my face. If I had been able to see past the tears forming in my eyes that were making my sight blurry, I would have seen George’s face do the same. Unfortunately, all I could focus on was that word. Weird. Strange. Abnormal. Freak. 

     Weird weird weird.

     The walk back was silent. A thick tension surrounded you both as thick snow flurries began to swirl down in the midmorning air. Just as thick was the lump forming in my throat as I fought back tears. I know I shouldn’t let his words affect me. He’s just some guy. But deep down I also know that he’s not just some guy. This is George fricking Weasley. With his stupid perfect face and gorgeous eyes and his loyalty to his family. I couldn’t help but be enamored with him from the moment I walked in the Weasley’s front door. So it hurt to hear the man I liked call me that nasty word that has haunted me my entire life.

     When we finally reached the Burrow, George tried to reach for my arm but I pulled away and ran into the house. I could hear that some of the others had returned and really wanted to avoid a confrontation. Once again, luck wasn’t on my side. Charlie came walking out of the kitchen and saw me in the entryway. His face immediately became concerned at the sight of me and he lowered the sandwich he had from his mouth.

     “Draga?”, Charlie’s voice followed me as I finally reached the stairs and launched upstairs.

     As I reached the first landing I heard him speak again, his voice rough and hard.

     “What did you do?”  

[haechanhues]

Like Unrequited IV

Part ONE | Part TWO | Part THREE | Part FOUR 

pairing : heeseung x fem!reader / sunghoon x fem!reader 

genre : angst/fluff. bulleted. 

warnings : hmm, swearing. a little bit of a scuffle. 

summary : where the curse of unrequited is given to another. 

It was almost night time when you and Sunghoon dawdled into a Subway together 

Hungry from just walking through the city 

Getting to talk to each other about the randomest things 

Playing little games 

Not letting go of his hands once 

You didn’t really want to

His hands felt nice in yours and after the shittiest couple of months you just had 

You wanted to be selfish 

You wanted to hold a hot guy’s hand when the air was getting colder, roaming around and being the teenager all those Pinterest boards motivated you for 

He pressed his lips together as he recognised the music playing 

He turned towards you 

Pumped up on the adrenaline of the cool air outside 

You picked out the cookies you wanted to try 

Collecting almost a baker’s dozen 

You turned towards him to ask a question 

It wasn’t really important anyway 

Because when you looked at where he was sitting 

He was smiling at you, wiggling his eyebrows and shimmying his shoulders to the beat a little 

You danced a little in reply 

And it felt like all the possible magic in the world surrounded you in this moment 

Time wasn’t really time 

You had felt a similar type of way once (with Heeseung) but this was different 

You truly felt it this time 

There was no fear of rejection or fear of the unknown 

You didn’t really care 

Not with Sunghoon anyway 

You grabbed the cookies with a sweet smile which was surprisingly returned from the owner 

You still wore it as you approached Sunghoon 

‘What are you smiling at?’ 

Sunghoon asked, his expression somehow mirroring yours 

You decide to be brave 

‘You.’ 

‘Me?’ 

‘You.’ 

He licked his lips, grasping your hand in his again and braving the cold wind together 

The two of you were acting all mushy when you returned through the school doors 

It wasn’t as free as being outside at night time was but- you two were stuck together  

Your friends watched you both in the corner of their eye but didn’t say anything

However 

Ryujin being Ryujin 

Made a comment about it 

‘This....This is feeling a little grosser. More sappy if you get what I mean. So are you dating yet or what?’ 

It went a little quiet 

Uhm 

You both looked at each other 

And didn’t say a single word 

Ryujin raised her eyebrows and chuckled a little before staring at the little shit in the corner 

.. 

She grabbed Heeseung’s collar and yanked him upright 

‘Oi, get up, you sick bastard’ 

Ryujin pulled him to the side whilst he grimaced at his messed up clothes 

She stood in front of him 

‘You fucked up didn’t you?’ 

He pursed his lips 

‘Don’t you know about it already?’ 

‘No, Y/N knows I’d fuck you up if you did something wrong.’ 

‘Then how come-’ 

‘I can tell by your face, and the fact you’re sulking in the fucking corner.’ 

‘I just- I don’t know what I’m feeling and she’s with Sunghoon all the time and I feel like I’m losing her and it’s driving me crazy, Ryujin’ 

‘Is it possible that you’ve liked her this whole time?’ 

‘That’s crazy. If I liked her, I would be dating her by now.’ 

Ryujin sighed 

‘I doubt it. I don’t think you even realise that you didn’t actually like that girl.’ 

‘- Okay fair point. But I think if I liked Y/N, I would know, at least.’ 

‘....Think of it this way, Imagine dating me.’ 

Heeseung shivered 

‘No thanks.’ 

‘You don’t have to be a bitch about it.’ 

‘Sorry but’ 

He clenched his teeth together 

‘See? And how did you reject Y/N? Did you even think about what she was saying to you? Did you let yourself actually process it and make a decision actually based on your feelings?’ 

Heeseung nodded, barely looking at her 

‘So stop the bullshit.’ 

‘You’ve liked her this whole time and it’s time for you to realise what you could’ve had.’ 

‘I could still have it.’ 

He was adamant but not confident 

‘You could’ 

Ryujin admitted

‘But, for now, you can’t.’

She offered a sweet smile as she said he next words 

‘I won’t tell you I was rooting for you, because I wasn’t, not really. None of these boys are deserving of her. But I guess you’re marginally tolerable. A little less tolerable than Sunghoon, and honestly, that relationship is a lot easier to digest. But you’re not terrible.’ 

‘Thanks’ 

Ryujin clicked her tongue as she sauntered back inside, collecting his chair to drag it back to the group. 

Where it belonged. 

Heeseung dawdled as he slid into the seat next to you where Ryujin had left it 

You were focused on what Jay was saying to you and Sunghoon looked like he was ready to punch him 

But when he finally sat down

You barely looked at him as you reached over to squeeze his wrist 

Forgiven 

Slightly 

But expected to suck up to you a lot more 

Jake poked Sunghoon’s cheek to focus on you, rather than Heeseung next to you 

It wasn’t that hard to do 

‘Ugh, you’re so whipped.’ 

‘Shut up.’ 

You pull Sunghoon dramatically into the library - ditching the last class of the day 

He looked at you confusedly before scoffing at the surroundings 

‘Is there any particular reason why you’re pulling me into the library?’ 

You pretend to ponder for a second before a grin takes over your face 

‘Just one’ 

You feel a lot less coy now, instead you’re overtaken with nervousness but not one that feared rejection 

You were determined 

A little nervous 

But fuelled by the way he was looking at you and how pretty he was 

And the boy you haven’t stopped thinking about 

Your hands find purchase on his cheeks, where you find has become a habit between the two of you in the past week or so 

He watches you with soft eyes,

He doesn’t quite know exactly what you’re doing 

But he has hope swimming behind his pupils and it drives his heart a little wild

When you press your lips against his for the first time, his heart feels like it’s going to explode out of his chest and paint the whole library red 

His hands find themselves supporting the back of your head as he leans further into you 

The movements between you are slow, sweet and almost dreamlike 

His lips are soft and when your tongues meet, it surprises you that you’re not disgusted by it 

Instead you welcome it 

He angles your head upwards with his thumbs pressing lightly on your jawline 

He smiles when he feels the heat on your cheeks and just how flushed they’ve become 

You need to breathe 

But you refuse to 

He pulls away, his eyes dancing between you both and with a giddiness 

‘At a library of all things, Y/N.’ 

You let out a real lovesick giggle as you go to pinch his elbow 

You were happy 

Sunghoon was happy 

But a boy in the corner, who had been watching the whole thing doesn’t feel the same 

Instead he feels regret, sadness, frustration 

All of it leeching of the happiness he was supposed to feel for you 

‘This is giving me a little deja vu.’ 

The voice pulls him from the scene and instead has him focusing on the boy beside him 

Heeseung has never talked to Jake properly before 

Jake is closer to Sunghoon than he is to Heeseung 

And Heeseung never felt the need to get to know him on a deeper level 

Because Heeseung had hoped that they were temporary 

‘He really likes her. You know? He may be shit stirring, he probably was. Don’t get me wrong. But he sincerely likes her. She’s in good hands.’ 

Heeseung sighs 

‘..I know that now.’ 

Jake looks at him with kindness, swirling with warmth and comfort but it had a hint of something underneath 

Warning 

‘Good.’ 

Jake reaches over, cradling Heeseung’s head in the wing of his arms 

‘If you’re up for it. I know a great place to eat.’ 

‘I’d like that.’ 

Heeseung smiles, even when he doesn’t really want to 

He looks back at the two of you 

And this is all he can do 

Just like that, like unrequited takes a new host. 

authors note : this was fun :) originally it wasn’t supposed to have this many chapters, it was just gonna be a one-shot kind of thing but idk it just had a mind of its own. :) i have a lot of confessions about this too <3 I’d probably post an authors confessions soon too. ALSO thanks for the 100 followers.