#like its not really trauma but like dreams where i see people i would rather never see again and people who i would do anything to see again

[sk3l3t0n444]

im good o-O

[chilled-ice-cubes]

on sunday & the dreammaster // sunday's parallels with aventurine

the dreammaster's relationship with sunday is actually extremely fucked up and uncomfortable when you look at it as a whole:

when the siblings find the charmony dove, he tells robin that her idea of simply building a nest for the dove is "idealistic" and prods at sunday until sunday finally says that he wants the bird to live no matter what, even if it's in a cage.

ages are vague in star rail, but at least from the ~vibes~ sunday gives off (+ robin is referred to as a "young songstress" at one point), i think we can say that sunday was probably pretty young when he was made the bronze melodia. gopher wood is the dreammaster, the leader of penacony—and he's okay with making his orphaned foster son, who was p much already displaying trauma responses as a child (the immediate conclusion that "the dove's parents abandoned it", saying he has no dream and simply following what robin says her dream was) listen to the confessions of the sinners of the dreamscape? sunday being appointed as bronze melodia is the direct triggering event that leads to him losing faith in the harmony.

the dreammaster telling sunday about robin getting shot and almost dying—this is such a strange way to tell your adopted son that his sister was in mortal danger. "perhaps as a reward for her consistent deeds of harmony" its all just rather passive-aggressive and manipulative; definitely aiming to be the nail in the coffin for sunday's faith. if robin, the ideal advocate of xipe, can't be protected while doing charity... then what is the path of harmony even worth?

the most damning part of course is sunday's final conversation with the dreammaster, where the dreammaster references robin, basically sets down an ultimatum for sunday that one of the siblings must follow the path of the order and fulfill the plans they've set in motion till now. by now sunday's relationship with the dreammaster is much colder than it was in the two flashbacks about the bird and robin's gunshot wound—he clearly doesn't fully trust him anymore, but at the same time he has lost all hope and believes only in the path of the order that the dreammaster personally set him on.

the two excerpts below basically summarise sunday for me—"someone has to stay awake in the sweet dream" // "we sleep because we are afraid to awaken from our sweet dreams." firefly admits that sunday is a pessimist who feels deep compassion for all; he creates the sweet dream paradise using the order's power because he genuinely believes it will enable everyone to live their best lives.

the interesting thing is, a rejoinder to sunday's thesis of: "people sleep because they are afraid to wake up from their dreams" was already given in version 2.1, through aventurine's character arc and the conclusion he comes to during his conversation with acheron. i've already talked about sunday and aventurine's surface parallels here, so i'd like to focus specifically on their views about "dreams" in this post.

acheron and aventurine agree that people sleep because they are not ready to welcome death, and are preparing themselves for their inevitable ending—ratio adds that it is impossible to be "dormant" in the dreamscape. this is directly contrary to what sunday wants. sunday rejects that inevitable death, and wants to create a stagnant, safe, paradise in a cage for everyone. a macrocosm of what he wanted to do with the charmony dove as a child all those years ago.

version 2.1 and version 2.2 directly build upon each other, especially through sunday and aventurine's character arcs. you would imagine that aventurine, who has constantly suffered, is terrified of death and not really a big fan of living as his life was atm, would be exactly the sort of "weak" person that sunday wants to build a paradise to protect. but as he goes through his journey in 2.1, we see that he comes to an entirely different conclusion from sunday. he decides to keep moving on, so that he can make his parents proud when he meets them again at the end of his journey. sunday, meanwhile, loses all hope and quite literally falls from grace. still, robin catches her brother at the end; there's still hope for him.

[anameistoohard]

Oh boy, lets open that can of worms

There's a LOT of discourse with endo vs anti-endo stuff (endogenic system=plural system not formed by trauma if you don't know 🙂). Like, death threats coming from both sides kinda thing. We try to stay out of it. But it's easy to accidentally stumble into it if you're not familiar with some of the nuance. So we want to share some observations as like, a crash course. (And apparently we had a lot to say lol.)

This post isn't really to debate how plurality forms. Just to give some context as to why so much hate is flying between these two groups.

Basically, you have 2 extremes. (And everyone in between obviously)

On one side you have people making up extra rules on top of the diagnostic criteria to exclude and gatekeep anyone who doesn't meet "their level" of disordered. (I've literally heard people say "you can't be a system, you're not as traumatized as me"). A lot of accusations of faking come from this bunch. Too much internal communication? Faker. Too many non-human alters? Faker. Too many or not enough alters? Faker. You can't win with them even if you have a diagnosis.

We've noticed a lot of parallels between this group and transmeds. You need to have x level of dysphoria to ride this ride. You can't be trans if you don't want xyz treatment. You need to reach my arbitrary bar of "trans enough". Enbys and everyone else are fakers. That kind of bs.

But on this side you also have a lot of people who just want to be taken seriously. They want to be validated by their diagnosis and feel hurt when people say or do things that they think will compromise that validity. They, at least initially, come from a place of sincerity not malice. But they fall into the trap of trying to be "one of the good ones".

On the other extreme you have the wild west. Things people treat as fact aren't codified with the same scrutiny as the DSM-5 or ICD-11. This breeds its own confusion and misinformation. We've seen people conflate plurality with things like maladaptive day dreaming, lucid dreaming, adhd, and (applying it to other people with ferocity to the point of harassment) metaphors of all things.

They have a spaghetti at the wall approach that reminds me of a less extreme MOGII (an attempt to define just about every possible form of gender and sexuality). It's a messy patchwork of ideas. We've seen 8 different labels that all mean the same thing and are being used by exactly no one. Redundancy and hyperspcificity, that's the name of the game. But frankly we like this if for no other reason than we want to see what sticks, what becomes mainstream.

We've seen people from this group attack people as badly as the anti-endo group. Openly mocking people for having trauma or saying vile shit like "traumagenics kys". They feel threatened by the exclusionary nature of diagnoses. But instead of taking their frustration out on the systems of power they take them out on normal people. After all if you're diagnosed, you "represent the system"... I guess. Equally bull shit.

But this is also where the edge cases go, the exclusions, those that don't fit into a neat little box. The DSM excludes people whose plurality is accepted as part of their culture or religion. These people don't suddenly stop being systems just because they're accepted, but they're distinctly not disordered. They don't meet the clinical definition of DID or OSDD. Same goes for someone whose symptoms are mild enough to not cause "clinically significant distress". You also have people who don't want to be pathologized or have been failed by the medical system.

So lastly, a warning: When dealing with plural stuff, it's very easy to go stumbling into a mine field.

Tldr: I would always rather land on the side of letting too many people in than exclude people who needed the support. However, no matter your in-group, some people take things too far. Like, ffs don't attack people. 

-Taylor & Mark

[runawaycarouselhorse]

Our pure-hearted, all-loving hero... he can be a little brat (especially back in OS/early in his journey, when he was much more of a hot-blooded boy hero), but his heart's worth its weight in solid gold and he grows into such a kind, patient character with strong ideals, which is why Hero of Ideals suits him best (even the movie manga opted to adapt that version of the movie, rather than the one where Ash is Hero of Truth, and expanded on it!)

[I hope you have "long post" and "image heavy" muted if you need to, because this post's a doozy and given tumblr, if my blog's ever deleted, posts with read mores will be rendered inaccessible forever, so I don't like to make them!]

A lot of people complained about how young Ash looked in BW! (and complained even more about Sun & Moon's very divisive art style... and we wound up seeing great growth for his love of a whole region, and achieved a goal integral to achieving his dreams), but from the first episode of BW!, my first impression was of how mature and calm Ash is with Iris and Trip in regards to their initially abrasive and varingly aloof personalities.

Iris was friendlier and more excitable, more childlike, but Ash took her barbs in stride and patiently waited for her to open up about her dreams (she keeps it secret in the first episode, using that cute, childish word "naisho" instead of saying it's a secret "himitsu"--the same childish word she uses when asked about what Kairyuu/Dragonite told her in their reunion episode) and background (we don't know she ran away from the academy or what her hometown was like until season 2!)

The way Ash handled Tory (who was a traumatized, younger child--and Ash wanted to fight him at first, before understanding him!), Lucario (also traumatized, insulted Ash and Pikachu's bond--Ash fought him and fell off a hill, wrestling with him, before he saw Lucario's memory of being "abandoned" and broke down in tears, apologizing for what he said when he didn't know anything...), Chimchar (a traumatized Pokemon, Ash was patient, kind, and loving to him, even when he lashed out while out of control due to Blaze, which he previously could only use to save his life...), etc., is very different from how he handled Iris (who was bullied subtly by being completely ostracized, no one would sit or eat or play with her at the academy, she was so depressed, she stopped eating--this is canon and not lingered on, but she plainly says it and that her dorm mother making her food that would remind her of home, just berries skewered on a stick, "saved her") and even Trip.

(By the way, Ash apologizing to Lucario, in tears of regret over what he said to Lucario when he didn't understand him is when I first started to truly love and respect Ash's character and growth! Before that, I really was only a big fan of the TRio.)

By contrast to those rockier beginnings with other kids, Ash was patient and encouraging with Trip, even while Trip purposefully kept him and everyone else (even his Pokemon who loved him, as Alder said...) at bay and rejected all his attempts at friendship, before he got the answers he needed from Alder and slowly stopped shutting others out. He had every right to lash out at Trip for making fun of him, but kept trying to befriend him and showed interest in his journey and growth.

(Trip was also his youngest main rival at that point, even if he is a very book-smart child prodigy type who was an excellent battler from the start, he still fell apart in front of unexpected, unorthodox techniques like Bell/Bianca and Satoshi/Ash's out-of-the-box strategies.)

Naturally, there's also his very patient and encouraging bond with Lillie, who also had her trauma-induced fear of Pokemon (much like Tory!) and dissociative amnesia, the early loss of her father in infancy, and the distance between her and her mother (too wrapped-up in work and her obsession with Ultra Beasts to notice her own child's trauma and falling behind her peers...) to overcome, but the focus of this post is BW! I already write a lot about Lillie, she's another favourite of mine. <3

It's worth noting, too, that Pikachu was Ash's first "problem Pokemon"... even if it's usually the Fire types who are traumatized, Pikachu has abandonment issues like Chimchar and Tepig did. Pikachu famously hates being inside a pokeball and Ash always repesects this boundary and becomes very, very upset in XY when he believed Pikachu was forced into a pokeball... the pokeball factory episode was, otherwise, a very light-hearted episode, but Pikachu's boundaries and possible trauma is taken seriously.

This scene mirrors a similar breakdown Alain has when he finds out all he's done, under the impression he was protecting his loved ones, was aiding Lysandre's genocidal plans... both smash their fists into hard surfaces, blaming themselves for failing to protect loved ones.

In a very early Kanto episode, Sparks Fly for Magnemite, we learn Pikachu has abandonment issues so bad, he doesn't want to be separated from Ash for even an overnight stay in the Pokemon Center. It seems Pikachu (fortunately) quickly become much more secure in his bond with Ash and no longer fears being separated for medical treatment, but this is very, very sad and telling!

Although we never delve very deeply into that for most of the series... (an early magazine scan has Ookido-hakase/Professor Oak theorize Pikachu's previous trainer abandoned it), we were finally given some answers late in series!

In the AU movie, Pikachu says* his reason for not going into the pokeball: "It's because I always want to be with you." ;O;

... unless this is a dream or hallucination, given Ash is on the verge of unconsciousness when it happens--but if we really want to believe it happened, maybe his latent Aura post-cognition abailities kicked in and he understood Pikachu's feelings, like when Victini slept in his lap, crying, and Ash saw Victini's dream of his past.

As for the main series canon, in the first episode of Pocket Monsters 2019 (Pokemon Journeys), we learn Ash's Pikachu was a lone, possibly orphaned, Pichu, who was briefly raised by a Kangaskhan, carried in her pouch with her child, until he grew too heavy and quietly left at night (without saying goodbye) to live by his own strength, evolving into Pikachu as he did so.

If Lusamine not taking Lillie's (because they're irrational or not logical) feelings seriously gave her a complex where she always needed to claim her stances are "logical" even when they're based in emotion... I wonder what it tells us that "child prodigy" Trip defaulting to blaming his loss to Alder on him doing something wrong or being inherently lacking ("What did I do wrong? What do I lack?"), because he doesn't ever consider a simple difference in experience is all it is... that Alder's many years of wisdom and Pokemon training give him an advantage over rookie trainer Trip, who's shown to be averse to being called a "child" (Iris ropes him into battling Ash twice by calling him a kid), because he always has to prove he's an adult. He thinks there's something inherently "lacking" in him or "wrong" about his method if he doesn't achieve.

All of that is canon, but if you further analyze his character, Trip has a superiority complex, which is very often a defense mechanism to mask feelings of inferiority. He canonically places a lot of worth in the image he projects and constantly puts down others. Add that to being a child prodigy and his preoccupation with proving he's an adult (but doesn't bat an eyelid at someone calling him "unjust" for his violent methods in the Venipede episode, like he's already accepted being a terrible person, because he thinks striving for peace like idealistic Ash is "naive"--Trip has a very cynical view of adults, yet thinks of himself as such...)

Trip only cares to be seen as strong and mature, not good (he's not even surprised to be called bad, he's already accepted it, he doesn't care), and if he fails, he blames his lack of knowledge or his inherent nature as lacking.

Because his self-worth is in being a genius and being better than the rest, so he seeks outside validation, namely Alder's, who Trip behaves so jealously about, Alder canonically compares him to a fickle-hearted woman (well, he messes up the phrase 'Onna-gokoro to haru no sora.' "A woman's heart is as fickle as the sky of spring" because he was hitting on Junsa-san/Officer Jenny earlier, so he says "fickle as Junsa-san"... Freudian slip. ^^;;;;)

Trip, when asked what he was battling for, what he wanted to prove... he said it was to prove his strength to Alder.

That's all he wanted! To prove his strength and be acknowledged by his hero. Alder even asks him if he likes him. Adeku frankly asks it in the Japanese version, but the dub dances around with "do you have any admiration for a man such as myself"--which Trip doesn't answer verbally, although he really doesn't have to, because the scene makes it clear and is a lens that clarifies all his past behaviour.

That's all Trip wants: love and acknowledgement. Which he believed he could only get by becoming stronger, smarter, and more mature as fast as possible, likely taking Alder's to be some stronger and grow up quickly too literally, as head animator Iwane said, Shootie was just "a little too grown-up."

It takes a long, long time for Trip to unlearn prioritizing battles over anything else and to embrace childhood (which hey, is one of the main themes of BW!), because it's a precious time which we can never return to... so, Alder's current idealogy is to enjoy life, make friends, love Pokemon, and not dwell on the past. Ash's approach to being a Pokemon Champion and Master is the same.

Alder's introductory episode made it very clear he and Ash are very, very similar characters... and we see this again in Journeys, in the kind of advice Champion Ash gives younger kids. Ash and Alder have a similar wisdom they'd like to impart, I know, it's funny calling Ash wise, but he has high emotional intelligence and is incredibly wise in that respect for his age... it took Alder many, many long years to arrive at the same conclusion Ash reached.

Ash's Japanese name, Satoshi, means "Wisdom." (Another cute detail: Ash's little brother, Lei, whose Hawaiian name means a "Garland of Flowers-- in Japanese, would be pronounced as Rei, which also means "Wisdom." Lei likely has a name chosen to have meaning in both Hawaiian and Japanese. ^^)

Bonus shout-out to Ash, Iris, and Cilan all protecting Keldeo until he finds the courage to face his fears, correct his mistakes, and save his friends...

Ash is a very good friend, AG, DP, and BW! are all part of his development into the kinder character he became today. Some people might miss how rude he was to his friends in OS, but he can still playfully dish it out, he's just calmer and more sure of himself, so less likely to sweat the small stuff and recognizes when someone, whether Pokemon or trainer, just needs time and patience.

[katyspersonal]

Katyyyyy where are you, new way to hate gehrman just dropped. Basically now he disrespected maria because doll is a levelup maiden that helps hunters during the hunt despite the fact she hated the hunt.

He is even at fault for not doing enough to prevent it in case it was moon presence doing. Its that absurd

fdsjhfh Hrrrrg sorry anon, I've been taking a break from the internet for health reasons (and still need more of it). But, damn, this sounds so... forced? Honestly, I do not understand such a strong hate-boner for a sad man in a wheelchair some people in this fandom have. I can't really think of any benefit of the doubt to spare here, it just feels like some people are unable to enjoy any piece of media without pulling real life problems, grudges and extremely unsympathetic judgement into it, especially towards characters and stories where they do not apply.

ANYWAYS, TWO-PARTER!

1) "Maria hated the hunt"

I think an important point to make here is that Maria's disdain for the hunt was, first and foremost, rooted in personal reasons! She was that strong, capable hunter of beasts (and undead Pthumerians of the Chalice Dungeons, for all we know!) but slaughtering the fish "monsters" that could still speak and think and pray was what broke her and made her unable to kill any longer. The way I see it, it was a trauma, and damaged self-image. She could not stand herself as that horrible killer, SHE was the real monster and it was plain to see!

If the point here is that making the Doll, a creation to immortalise Maria('s softer side), help Dreaming Hunters to become stronger and carry on the night, I don't.... understand it? Maria was no longer willing to hunt herself, and in the end, it was very likely that guilt that driven her to su1cide. We don't know that, though. It could've been losing Adeline, it could've been that Cainhurst massacre happened while she was still alive and she hated feeling like a traitor of the sinking ship, it could've been madness and misery of patients rubbing onto her, or all at once, or something else.

But let's say, dreading her past as the hunter was the core thing. I believe this as well, because in the Nightmare part focused on tormenting her, we can see a Chalice and a picture from Abandoned Old Workshop. This is very telling about what she does not want to remember the most:

The problem with the hunt and the beasts though? Beasts attack and eat people. Maria maybe never wanted to draw a blade again, but we can't say she would be opposed to helping the hunters. If nobody hunts the beasts, while they are growing in numbers, they will just... eat people? It actually reminds me of a misconception about Djura hating the hunters in general! He specifically asks to not attack the beasts of Old Yharnam, for the reason of them not being able to harm anyone unprovoked! Meanwhile, he encourages the Paleblood Hunter to go and hunt beasts out there, that can and will just attack humans! I think that Maria must be similarly rational: she can't fight anymore, but she can't deny that if no one else fights as well, beasts will just overcome people, and there will be no one.

If anything, Maria spent the rest of her life, after having revoked her hunter status, to help in the walls of the Research Hall. Research Hall was laboratory of the Healing Church, who were having and governing the hunters by proxy, even if their own type (the Holy Blades) and not Gehrman's type (the Old Hunters)! I would not say that her helping to sustain the hunt past death is so alien to her! The Hunter's Dream was Laurence's plan, and very likely the purpose of it is so that the Dreaming Hunters are able to sustain the full-moon nights with their power and immortality - all so Healing Church has more time and resources for research on ascension. In conclusion, Maria resorted to the role of passive helper, the support, rather than fighting force, even in life. Doll, in a twisted way, continues that quest.

P.S. Just because Maria hating all hunt and hunters as concept would be irrational, it doesn't mean that it can't be! It is still possible that she went 'may Chaos take the world' and spiralled into thinking that maybe humans of Yharnam had to pay the price for messing with things beyond their comprehension by simply perishing. Just.. not only I think this doesn't work so well for the character, but also in this case, Gehrman's "disrespect" would only be charitable! As in, 'Maria lost all sympathy and hope for humanity in life, but she might be her real caring self once more, in this new form', you feel? Not disrespect, but feeling like he must carry on the image of her true self when she no longer could.

For the next part though, let's assume that Maria would not want to ever help the hunters with no other ways around it, and that Gehrman was aware of it, to cut to the main points!

2) "Gehrman did not do enough"

Moon Presence is a literal God that owns the Hunter's Dream, I strongly doubt that Gehrman would be able to have much of a say in this...? If it was Flora's intent to animate the Doll, she might just do what she sees fit regardless of his wish. Or, more twisted yet: even if Gehrman asked her to please leave the Doll out of the hunt to honor Maria's wishes, Flora could read in his heart that he was miserable and lonely so still chose to give him a company. Great Ones might not understand the complexities of humans, such as the conflict between "selfish" needs and their integrity! Whereas for us it is a known thing to understand we must not want what we want, and we must do what we should, for her it was just that the host of the Dream was sad and missed a dear friend that looked just like that doll thing over there!

+ Moon Presence is only able to be defied with a large amount of insight and ascension-potential gained from consuming Umbilical Cords that Gehrman most likely didn't consume. I think it's worth pointing out as one of the reasons why he couldn't even "fight it" if he wanted!

This also made me think of another possibility I discarded long ago, I guess time to blow the dust from it!

Doll's face notably has these cracks on it, and at first I wondered if maybe, it was Gehrman himself who was trying to either beat the influence of Moon Presence from her, or simply destroy her. And yet, every time, she rose back to life, as eery and unfeeling as ever, until he gave up trying over and over... What if he did not want Moon Presence and the Hunters to tarnish precious memory of Maria, to the point of trying to break the Doll to stop mocking him. To stop mocking Maria. And although Doll always assembled back, something was still always off, as the evidence of his attempts - these cracks!

...in the end, I've personally decided it worked better as manufacturing mistake because his hands were shaking at Maria's face part. But like, imagine: Moon Presence cannot be reasoned with, and the next option, to attack the Doll itself, as much as it hurts to hit something Maria-shaped, doesn't work either. It is possible that he did not quite have a choice here, and Doll was animated regardless of his will. Could be for the sake of the Hunter's Dream, could be Flora's twisted "gift" for him that she would not take back... could be a coincidence, too.

Not only it is strongly implied that Maria was buried near the Old Hunters Workshop, since Old Hunter's Bone is found at the same grave Doll prays to and that leads to Hunter's Nightmare, but Doll also has two-to-three confirmed belongings of Maria herself in her design! It could be not Moon Presence's choice and not Gehrman's, but Maria's soul simply dwelled in this body on instinct because of all the odds that attracted her! Maria's soul could be split between Nightmare and Dream, since the two have spiritual connection (Doll remarks that she felt at ease after we kill Maria), Doll sometimes sleeps and we find Maria sleeping too, they have the same voice although Doll's body has no vocal cords (she is a doll, not a robot!) and we know Maria cared about Gehrman at least at some point.

It could be the odds not even a God would have the power over, let alone a man!

+ The cut lines of dialogue offer to her NOT hating the hunt entirely too. She literally tells you that "you will not find your enemies here", and since she seems to know you are a hunter under Gehrman, it makes sense to think she is referring to actual beasts to hunt that would slaughter people in the waking world... So, yeah, her "hating the hunt" isn't outright stated nor supported by both canon and cut content, but can still be a headcanon.

But what if Gehrman did it himself?

I will admit though, there is a potential for an idea! After all.. I love this take a lot. That maybe, initially, Doll was not animated, and Gehrman was the host of the Hunter's Dream all alone by himself. But his sanity was giving up from carrying the Dream by himself and being completely devoid of company. He was losing it, he could no longer trust his own restraint, he needed to keep his distance from the Dreaming Hunters for their own safety. After all, as we can see from one of the endings, if he allows a Dreaming Hunter to kill him, he will be free and the Dreaming Hunter will take his place. The freedom from endless solitude, nightmares and torment of the wait, always so close....

( x ) for translation of his lyrics. Also I want this to be written in the protocol that I hate listening to Gehrman's theme and it makes me cry every time even these three years later fsdhfhdsds

It might have been a sad necessity. To perform some sort of ritual to bring the Doll to life, so someone could take the duties off his shoulders while he is not stable. Because he could not trust the power of his will any longer. Why not direct this to someone that could not feel the loneliness and the pain? Even at the cost of tarnishing his precious memory of a special person?

In this case, sure, he is "guilty". "Guilty" for burying her near this place when she did not want to be a hunter, sure. Again, we don't know the extent of Maria's disdain for the concept, only that she personally did not wish to draw a blade again! And "guilty" for being a human being with human limitations. I think that if someone still wishes to hate him despite it, over their own misuse of the "explanation does not equal excuse" sentiment, this is just the same overly judgemental attitude I actively oppose and I can't approve of this even as much as I want to give a chance to every interpretation. I just recently made a post digging into how the way people treat certain "problematic" characters can reflect their morality towards real people ( x ), and this brings my point again. So, person had every single reason to do the thing, and basically no other choice in the situation, but they are "still guilty"? Context matters a lot, and still willing to hate someone when they had no choice but to do the thing is inhumane, I think. It reeks of pure desperation of excluding and exiling a person "touched by sin" even if it was not their fault, and this very specific sort of superfluous judgement had rotted the society, let alone media analysis!

________________

Alright, I've gotten quite emotional in the last part for someone simply disagreeing with a take on a fictional character, but every other time no matter what reason to hate this guy is touched upon I can't find any explanation but general lack of sympathy and understanding. Heck.. I guess Gehrman was written SO, so brilliantly, that the way people treat him is a great vibe-check? Any character can be disliked, including him, but people's reasoning for why the character is disliked can give away ignorance at least, cruelty and judgemental attitude at worst!

I just hope that I've made my stance on the take clear! Admittedly, it is a more interesting discussion than "misogynist creep" discourse that has been debunked 5000 times now! I think in this case, it is harder to find a final word, and I just offered mine. A lot of this depends on how one perceives Maria and Gehrman, there is no The One True interpretation and I've just suggested my thought process and what I think is more reasonable to assume. Taking away Gehrman's complexity and potential for sympathy for the sake of 'just another man that disrespected a woman' is a pet peeve for me but I am open for surprises. You just said that people "hate" on him yet again, and it just gets old.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Sometimes I get things so right that I surprise myself and then I’m left feeling rather insane

I’m writing my costume meta and I went back to check what I’d written about the locker room scene and the Chris’s bedroom scene when the stills dropped and predicted that the locker room scene would be about buck and Natalia’s relationship and possibly about their break up and I said that the Chris bedroom scene was going to be Eddie leaning on buck about communicating complex family dynamics.

Locker room scene I said ; The only thing I can do is scream into the void about check theory because check does't bode well for people - they always end up in the middle of the drama (see my check theory posts linked on my pinned post for more) and while they come out the other side (99% of the time) Buck in check for that scene in 6x18 pretty much doomed his relationship with Natalia (its specific to her and not C&K's baby as Buck wasn't wearing it when he delivered it!) and as that shirt in the still is very un Buck like, has not only yellow ochre in it, but also its a white base (and we all know buck in white is a bad sign!!) and its check patterned - my theory is that this scene is connected to Natalia in some way - either Buck is not being true to him self in more than one way - that things are going to/have come to a head for their relationship (my kingdom for a reverse of Buck to Eddie about Ana in 5x03!!!) and lead to a pretty big change in some way (fingers crossed for Buck to end it and then finally break down and deal with his trauma!!!)

Some other things about that shirt - the colour combination - the green blue and yellow ochre are giving me call backs to coma Buck (another reason I think it might be connected to Bucks unresolved trauma around his death and Eddies absense in his dream)

And this for the bedroom scene where I’d already talked about Chris’s shirt playing into the grey one buck wore in the bedroom before Eddie flew to Texas - about complex family dynamics but expanded on the grey/ yellow shirts in combination;

I do want to add to this theory by looking at Christophers shirt as well. The grey/ yellow combination is a bit reminiscent of Breaking point (the episode that really is the gift that keeps on giving) because we get Chris in grey and Eddie in tan - that is yellowish toned whilst not actually being yellow

There isn't a good screenshot of them together, but the placing of Chris and Buck in the new one has echoes of Eddie and Chris in that scene (one that is interestingly enough playing into the idea of changing family dynamics, but also the moment before and the one that happens afterwards at Bucks loft, directly placing Buck into a parental role (as an aside the idea of Buck being a miracle worker plays into the theme of Eddie looking for magic, just saying!))

The wardrobe team never miss and I love them

[cath-lic]

hello!!!! first of all, i love your blog and i love how you embrace your sexuality and love god :3 what would you recommend for someone who was hurt by religion? (particularly catholicism). it made me paranoid, scrupulous. as a neurodivergent woman with disability, i always felt that i don’t fit, so i’m no longer religious. is it okay to not like THE church (as an institution) but still love God? and do you have any other social media so we could speak more on it? ♥️

hello my sibling!! thank you very much for the sweet compliment.

to be honest, (and assuming you’re also american, though pardon me if i’m wrong), i think we’re all scarred from american christianity. i’m not trying to minimize your trauma; rather, i’m letting you know that i can empathize with you a little bit.

this might need its own post, but i’m seeing scrupulosity becoming more and more of a problem in the current online age, on both sides of the political spectrum. i think you’d be surprised at how many people feel very similar to you, even if they’re not religious, either. tumblr culture, especially, emphasizes scrupulosity (and to be honest, i think all social media does—i’ve been thinking about doing a social media cleanse recently because of this very thing).

you may feel as though you don’t fit in, but i’d like to remind you that mary magdalene, one of christ’s closest disciples, also faced her own problems with mental illness. scripture states that she was possessed by demons, and although of course we can’t be sure whether it was actual possession or mental illness, i think it’s safe to say that she would absolutely know where you’re coming from. (i say this not to go “you can conquer your mental illness if you believe enough,” but instead to assure you that our beloved blorbos from the bible would understand our struggles even today).

there are many disabled people in the bible. though, of course, they are very often the subjects of miracle healing, it is telling that jesus emphasizes that their disability is not a mark of sin or a matter of “deserving it,” it’s simply a facet of them.

there are countless stories i could cite, but i think it boils down to this: jesus is with the poor, the disabled, the meek, the unclean, and the ostracized at all times. jesus was poor and ostracized. he is not with one singular nation or ideology. if he sees someone being mistreated, regardless of who they are or what they’ve done, he is with them.

i promise you, you fit.

as for whether it’s okay to not like the church, and for what i might recommend—again, i can’t offer religious advice, but i can offer my opinion.

i think it’s fine to dislike the church. to be honest, they haven’t given us a whole lot of reasons to like them! god was here before the church and he’ll be here after the church. some might say that loving god is loving the church, which is a whole other discussion, but in short, god understands. IMO, it is more important to love yourself, your neighbor, and love through and with god, than to devote yourself to an institution. after all, contemporarily, the big institutions of the time weren’t exactly super hep on christianity.

part of strengthening my relationship with god was through finding a church i really enjoyed. this, of course, might not be desirable or available to you. i would say that finding a community who can accept both your sexuality & your faith (easier said than done) is the truest way you can establish your own version of church.

building and supporting a loving community is probably the most rewarding thing i can think of, regardless of someone’s faith/lack thereof. i’ve often dreamed of establishing a little trans christian commune, actually, although i know it’s just a fantasy. but i think creating a network of people who care for one another and can live and work in harmony is about the closest we can get to heaven on earth!

while i do have other social media, i don’t have any other faith-related accounts. you’re very welcome to make a side blog and message me here, or join the trans catholics discord. if these aren’t options for you, though, i understand—you’re ofc welcome to send me another ask whenever you’d like.

good night, my sibling. have a wonderful weekend, and god bless ❤️❤️❤️

[senseioftheseidiots]

Me with Canon Wu: You let your brother go get your stuff for you and look what happened. You made a 'friend' of a Serpentine and taught her something you shouldn't have and looked what happen ! You filled a young child's mind up with dreams and broke them down and look what happened !! And even now with the Ninja, you don't tell them a single warning before they go into battle and LOOK WHAT'S STILL HAPPENING !! And after all of that, I find myself-!! Me with Your Wu:...still coming back here even though I shouldn't because you really need help with your issues and everyone makes mistakes and your superior- Nah, nah, I'm kidding but in all seriousness, your version is kind of what I want to believe for the character now. I don't hate on the original Wu since you can't beat the original but you also can't beat the fanon ! So with lots of love, enjoy making more content for him !

This has been sitting in my asks because I completely forgot about it- so ill use this as a headcanon dump, thankyou >:) You throw out alot of points here on the segment for canon wu, so let me throw in things ive held onto in hc to all of it PLEASE NOTE MOST IF NOT ALL OF THESE IS HC ALONE/TIMELINE SPECULATION "You let your brother go get your stuff for you and look what happened." This happened AFTER the meet with aspheera I believe, after it happened the two were forbidden to go outside monastery walls without permission, completely isolating them from the outside world in hopes nothing like that would happen again. Wu at this point was incredibly afraid to disobey his father because if their punishment from last time was isolation from a world outside their monastery, what more could happen to them? [it only got worse from there, but we arent talking about that yet.] "You made a 'friend' of a Serpentine and taught her something you shouldn't have and looked what happen !" Wu genuinely just wanted to be friends with someone, being the sons of god the fsm was rather picky on who exactly got to see the two. And he's never made proper connections until now, through out the entirety of their childhood [before teens] im pretty sure all wu knew as companionship was his brother, and when he found someone willing to help them, he didnt want to think about the warnings for the chance that she might actually be good, and that keeping a promise was the way to gain a friend " You filled a young child's mind up with dreams and broke them down and look what happened !! " If were talking about morro here, ANOTHER HC TIME to fuel my delulu state, look- He didnt WANT him to fight garmadon, hear me out here- if you go back to the scene of morro being tested to be the green ninja, the sword of fire ISNT the sword of fire. My hc here is this is the ONE time he's tried to change destiny for the better. It doesnt mean morro was destined, no, this was going to happen either way, but he tried changing destiny because this wasnt morro's fight, and he was afraid of what may need to come if it DID end up being him that was destined. He didnt want that. But when he did do it and got his own student killed [he tried finding him. he tried getting him back, he didnt want to come back.] He gave up. And this is where his mindset solidified, he couldnt change destiny, people will die, and itll be his fault. This was his fathers punishment for him. " And even now with the Ninja, you don't tell them a single warning before they go into battle and LOOK WHAT'S STILL HAPPENING !! " This one is funny to me cause, one, wu doesnt know how to fucking trauma dump I dont think he would even be able to think about it unless someone asks him, its actually the 'it never came up' thing. BUT, he wouldnt want to say much too quickly due to Morro's incident. Hell he didnt even want the ninja to see the green ninja scroll. If he had said too much too quickly, well theyll either turn evil or die..or both-

" .still coming back here even though I shouldn't because you really need help with your issues and everyone makes mistakes and your superior- " Hehe, thank you!!! I hope you enjoy the buncha headcanons i have here for you

[lollytea]

☕️ my best girl forever & ever luz noceda!!!

The protagonist ever!!! I love Luz so much!!! She's such a fun subversion of the "plucky girl heroine" thing that media really likes.

She's upbeat and silly and clumsy and hyper and cuddly and a sweetheart and everything you'd expect from that kind of character. But she's so much more than that. Luz is an insightful, curious and imaginative person who loves to create and learn. She's a brilliant artist!! She wants to be a writer when she grows up!!!

I've always adored the very realistic angle they took with her, being an adhd riddled teen who struggles in a typical school environment and how she uses fantasy books and fanfiction and anime as a form of escapism and how it gets to the somewhat unhealthy point where she has a hard time separating her coping mechanism from the world around her. It's just. It's so real. It hits.

And then!! And then!!! Luz actually does escape to a real living breathing fantasy world and she thinks this will be her opportunity to live out her YA protag dreams. But ironically, this fantasy world is the place that actually helps her to come to terms with the complexities of the real world. Like. She didn't exactly get what she wanted. But she got what she needed.

Her whole struggle with wishing she could be special. A "chosen one" but she's so consumed with fantasy tropes that she struggles to see things the way they are. But she learns!!! She learns to accept herself as nobody especially important and decides to make an impact on the world herself, rather than wait for somebody to give her a destiny. Idk I feel like it's a lovely lesson for kids.

And then once she accepts that she really starts to flourish!! Luz would not have made it this far in the series if she wasn't the person she was. She's so smart!! She figures out the mechanisms of glyphs and how they work. She experiments and tinkers until she masters all the tricks of the technique.

She wanted to be a witch so bad but she initially felt limited because she didn't have biological magic. But that's Luz!! She does stuff in her own way!!! She thinks outside the box!!!

She means a lot to me. A neurodivergent teen girl who's always felt so isolated in the world she was living in finally getting the chance to form real emotional bonds with people who care about her for the whacky messy flawed but genuine person that she is.

Just. Luz still having Camila and adoring her but there's still such a poignant emptiness left in her life after Manny's death. And Manny will never be replaced. But it must be so therapeutic for her to form those new familial bonds. Not only does Luz have Camila, but she now has Eda and King and Hooty and Lilith and Vee and Hunter AND AND AND!!!!

Luz being a social pariah at school at best and being bullied at worst, now having friends her own age like Willow and Gus who are also outcasts at school and welcome her with nothing but love. And they get to have all those fun teen experiences together that they've always been left out of!!!! The way Luz is so affectionate with them, calling them cuties and her babies and squishing their faces. Man it's awful thinking about her never having friends before this. There's so much love pent up in her and she's finally getting an outlet for it.

Luz, after being mocked relentlessly at school for being "cheesy" falling in love with a girl who is just as sappy and sentimental as she is who adores her antics and blushes from her smooches and flirting and its just!!! And getting to see Luz, this silly yet insecure and still deeply troubled girl navigate her very first romantic relationship and the mutual care and consideration they have towards each others' trauma....ohhh it's so sweet!! I love her!! I love them!!! The way they have the complete freedom to be their cringe sappy book nerd selves with each other because they found their cringe soulmate. Mwah. Lumity I'd go to war for you.

I LOVE LUZ NOCEDA!!!!!!!

[birues]

Wip whenever

I was tagged by soo many people 2 weeks ago but academic suffering was kicking my ass so jdjdjdhdhd this time I tag first since tomorrow is Wednesday anyways! @lavampira @hythlodaes @verraising @scionshtola @galadae @hylfystt @consulaaris @impossible-rat-babies @sirotras @coldshrugs and anyone else, bc i know I'm forgetting some beloved mutuals, consider yourselves tagged friends!

ENDWALKER SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Tuana has arrived to Elpis and with the memories of the two lifetimes and unresolved traumas stacking up. Unknown to Hythlodaeus and Hades, a ghost from the future came to haunt the heavens.

*****

Five minutes and one thing becomes painfully clear, Themis was right. She meant to be nothing but an observer here. The doors, too gigantic for her sundered form, will not budge and her shouts will not be heard. Neither she can pass the warded walls like a ghost. Frustration tears a huff from her but she concedes to wait. Surely someone will go in… Some time. One can only hope it won’t take too long. Oh, Ardbert. How did you endure this a hundred years?

She tries to breathe. He’s with her. And surely she can–

“Is this truly necessary? Surely you can tell who we are.”

That voice. That voice. Once a star’s worth of light tore down her very being. Yet… yet… the emotions clawing through her wretched presence are far more vicious. This is no hallucination, no. No half-remembered dream. Not a memory long forgotten surfacing from her soul. This is real. He is real. He is here.

And he's not alone. Another voice, amused and calm and full of love coerces Hades to remove his mask.

She thinks she can burst out of this reality right there. The ache, all-encompassing. Transparent tears fall to the ground, making no dots on the carpet. Hythlodaeus.

Paralyzed, she watches the pair making their way to open the door that bars her way. Why them? Why now? Was carrying the burden of long gone memories not enough? Is she condemned to exist as a ghost? Reaching out but only haunting?

At this exact moment a pair of golden eyes, far brighter than they were on the First, pierce through her own. A weight she's far too used to have on her chest. But no. He can't possibly be seeing her, right?

Hades abruptly cuts her inner dilemma by tearing his eyes from her and he proceeds to guard his displeased demeanour with vigour. Like nothing has happened. Like he never saw her. Tuana pinches the bridge of her nose. Rhalgr…This isn't a good time to start hallucinating.

She stills her breath as the couple approaches the gate. A small mercy, at least she will have a way in. Even if the price is way too high.

Too high. Her hand goes to Azem’s crystal, hanging on her neck, inside her shirt, out of sight. Small habit of comfort where none can be found. To her dismay what Hades apparently chose to ignore, Hythlodaeus does not.

“By the by...you see it too, yes?”

Hades’s scoff is heart wrenching in its familiarity. A bittersweet feeling, intertwined by the memories of two lifetimes twists her lips into half a smile half a grimace.

“I haven’t the foggiest what you’re talking about.”

His dismissal does nothing to deter Hythlodaeus. “Hmm?” He raises his eyebrows. “That's odd.” Then he kneels down right in front of her. Just like his shade on Amaurot used to. Hades really had done an excellent job, hadn’t he?

“It's right here. A bit thin in the aether, but there's no mistaking it—the color of its soul is almost identical to Azem's.”

She wills her expression blank. Of course. Of course they would recognize her soul. Fear drills into her brain, just how is she supposed to explain this? Thankfully, blissfully unaware of her inner turmoil he continues with his musings. “Do you suppose she created it? Rather unusual for a familiar to have a soul, though…”

A familiar. Huh. She would laugh if the wretchedness hadn’t seized her. Can she go by that route though? She immediately crosses the thought of her mind. It would require her past self to cooperate with her or everything would fall easily like a house of cards. There's only so much she can stomach.

“Don't ask me. All I know is that it's trouble—doubly so if it's her spitting image.”

A trouble. Understatement of the millenia. That’s what she’s ever been to him, wasn’t she? A mistake. An anomaly. A trouble. His chest, unmarred by her axe, heaves.

“So let’s leave it be.” He beckons his husband. “Come now.”

You can see me? Oh Gods… how long has it been?

Tuana lunges toward with a despair and rage that would turn her to a blasphemy if she were on the Source.

“You don’t get to turn away from me you fucking bastard!” She snarls at Hades, but her hands are intangible as Ardbert’s ever were. If only her anger could solidify her form. “You don’t get to treat me like dirt under your shoe.”

Her words go unheard but her outrage does not. Hades squints his eyes to her small form as if his glover can sniff her out.

As always it’s sweet Hythlodaeus who rushes in to quell the flames. No wonder they ended up destroying each other once he was out of the picture.

“It's trying to say something...but it's literally too intangible to form words.” He says his thinking gesture is still adorable even after aeons. He turns to Hades, with that particular grin indicating he’ll ask something from him. “Why don't you give it some aether? Spare a snifter of your bounteous reserves.”

For a moment, Hades stands there utterly perplexed. “Who do you take me for?”

“Why, your partner and a dear friend, of course! One who wouldn't let acts of kindness—such as my accompanying him on errands to far-flung outposts—go unrewarded.” He smiles and Hades sighs in defeat. This was a battle lost from the beginning. He could never say no to him. Nor Azem.

His mistrust apparent, he stares down at her. “I suggest you close your eyes, or this may be...unpleasant.”

And she does, at least to partly shield herself from breaking down while feeling his aether, as familiar as her own, with no trace of Zodiark, wove her flesh to something tangible. A familiar click, and there she is. She opens her eyes to find two men looking at her intently.

“Oh, you even adjusted its size.” Hythlodaeus beams.

“The better to indulge your whim.” Then he inspects his work, stopping on her face. “This way it will be easier to communicate.”

“How very thoughtful of you.” Hythlodaeus says, with admiration in his lovely eyes. “And may I applaud your artful reinforcement.”

“Right.” She quips back. “We wouldn’t want you to bend your back too much, trying to communicate poor tiny me. You’d look horrible with a permanent slouch.”

Her comment steals a genuine laugh from Hythlodaeus, even if he doesn’t get the irony.

Hades’s mouth opens, from astonishment as much as irritation. “Hah. Says you, being able to form words only by my grace. Or maybe you’d like to go back to how you were.”

“Now now,” Hyth intervenes once again. “No need to get that far. Without further ado, then... Greetings! I am Hythlodaeus, chief of the Bureau of the Architect.”

A genuine smile crosses Tuana’s face, infectious as his is. A fond memory of their celebration of his promotion blooms in her mind, oh how proud they all were. And how he still insisted that he was nothing remarkable...

It sickens her to the bone to think he sacrificed himself deeming he was nothing remarkable.

Before she can descend properly to the depths of grief, he gestures to his side, to the man who refuses to let go of his frown. “Sulking beside me is the most honorable Emet-Selch of the Convocation of Fourteen.”

Ah yes. She probably should stop referring to him as Hades. Even in her mind. That particular knowledge is too dangerous to slip out. Especially when she knows he’ll be on the hunt for every clue. Just as she was on the First. Oh how the tables have turned.

“And how might we address you, my new friend?”

His smile hasn’t faded and the love she feels towards this gracious man entangles through her soul. As if twelve millennia of life death cycle never has occurred. Loving him is such an effortless, easy thing to her. As natural as breathing.

As it is to the man glovering right next to him. Of course he would drown at the depths of the ocean without him.

[writer-of-random-things]

On Muddy Trenches & Middle-earth

I recently finished All Quiet on the Western Front for school and my only thoughts are: A) I should have never gotten emotionally attached to a war story, and B) the book made me understand The Lord of the Rings so much more. I know Tolkien stated the the LOTR was never allegorical, and so it may be; but meaning there is. So obviously, I'm going to write about it: how the 'lost generation' is reflected in Middle-earth, the beauty of comradeship, and maybe most importantly, finding hope in the darkest of times.

Paul Baumer, the protagonist of All Quiet, was goaded by his schoolteacher to enlist for WWI only to find out its realities as everything he loves gets destroyed. Although this is very different from Frodo's story, the emotion, the trauma, and the comradeship both of these characters went through is something that will be remarked on time and time again.

When people talk about Tolkien, WWI, and LOTR, they most often draw the connection between the Dead Marshes and No Man's Land. After all, the Dead Marshes are described as such:

"They all lie in pools, pale faces, deep deep under the dark water...grim faces and evil, and noble faces and sad. Many faces proud and fair, and weeds in their silver hair. But all foul, all rotting, all dead."

Meanwhile, No Man's Land in All Quiet is described as:

"Thus we stagger forward, and into our pierced and shattered souls bores the torturing image of brown earth with the greasy sun and the convulsed and dead soldiers who lie there--it can't be helped--who cry and clutch at our legs as we spring away from them."

The land is barren, people are dead. And the protagonist of both stories have to trudge through the wasteland without looking back. Furthermore, All Quiet Chapter 9 has Paul stabbing a French soldier in a fit of panic, only to have to watch him slowly die. Paul laments:

"Comrade, I did not want to kill you...we always see it too late. Why do they never tell us that you are poor devils like us, that our mothers are just as anxious as ours, and that we have the same fear of death, and the same dying and the same agony--Forgive me, comrade, how could you be my enemy?"

This is quite similar to Sam's reaction when he sees a dead soldier; Tolkien writes,

"It was Sam's first view of battle of Men against Men, and he did not like it much. He was glad he could not see the dead face. He wondered where the man's name was and where he came from; and if he was really evil at heart, or what lies and threats had led him on the long march from home; and if he would rather have stayed there in peace."

The above connection was first brought to my attention in Tolkien in the Twenty-First Century: The Meaning of Middle-Earth Today by Nick Groom, though I selected the quotes myself. Yet that is not all. Before we delve into the beauty of Sam and Frodo's friendship, I want to focus on Chapter 10 of All Quiet, where the soldiers get to guard an abandoned village (with lots of food, no less!) and continue to cook while shells are falling amongst them. They take refuge in a dugout, where they have a feast. Why is this important? Because the dugout is basically a hobbit-hole. A hobbit-hole is cozy, with food and warmth; the ideal of an idyllic home, even if the rest of the world is going to shambles. @moonlightredfern said it best, in a reply to this post. It's a testament to all the cold and miserable days, dreaming of a better time where everything is nice and cozy. It's deciding that the simple joys are worth risking your life for--indeed, that such tiny moments is what makes life worthwhile in the first place.

The same sentiment can be applied to friendship. Tolkien himself said that Sam was "a reflexion of the English soldier, of the privates and batmen in the 1914 war, and recognised as so far superior to myself". Sam's humble origins in the Shire brings into mind a scene of Paul's thoughts when he encounters Russian prisoners:

"They ought to be put to threshing, reaping, and apple picking. They look just as kindly as our own peasants..."

Like the soldiers, Sam could've stayed a gardener for the rest of his life; he comes from the same simple origins they do. Despite all the odds, they both go into battle; more importantly, they both rely on comradeship. And that makes all the difference. For both Paul and Frodo, friendship is what makes their battles bearable. Take Chapter 5 of All Quiet, when Paul is cooking a goose with his friend Kat:

"...we have a more complete communion with one another than even lovers have. We are two men, two minute sparks of life; outside is the night and the circle of death. We sit on the edge of it crouching in danger...in our hearts we are close to one another, and the hour is like the room: flecked over with lights and shadows of our feelings cast by a quiet fire."

Friendship is the flame that keeps out the dark. Gollum only became the creature he was because he was alone while the ring slowly corrupted him. But Frodo had Sam. And Sam would not have grown as much as he did, would not have been a brave as he was, without Frodo. The same is for Paul; when the only thing he has left--his friend Kat--dies, Paul says, "All I know is that Militiaman Stanislaus Katczinsky is dead. Then I know no more." Without friendship, life sparks out. In its fragility, maybe, lies its beauty: that moments and memories between two people are as magnificent as life itself. This connection, in a way, is one of the most important things in both stories.

Finally, I want to touch on my favorite chapter in All Quiet, and its connection to the ending of The Return of the King. In Chapter 7, Paul returns home, only to find out that nothing was the same as it was. Everybody treats war as a glorious thing when Paul has seen what it really is. He feels lost and disconnected:

"I...say over to myself: 'You are at home, you are at home.' But a sense of strangeness cannot leave me, I cannot feel at home amongst these things. There is my mother, there is my sister, there is my case of butterflies, and there the mahogany piano--but I am not myself here. There is a distance, a veil between us."

For refrence, let's just compare this to Frodo's lines near the end of RoTK, shall we?

"But I have been hurt too deeply, Sam. I tried to save Shire, and it has been saved, but not for me."

I don't think I have to explain this much. It speaks to the lost generation of WWI veterans as a whole; after all the pain and torment, battlefields filled not only with blood but also broken dreams, how does one pick up the threads of an old life? It makes sense, then, that both Paul's and Frodo's stories do not have a 'satisfying' ending that readers would like to see. Instead, they portray the reality of trauma and healing--or rather, the absence of it. Yet both tales are not devoid of hope. Paul states that all his experiences would be worthwhile if he could make sure that nobody could experience what he has again:

"A word of command has made these silent figures our enemies; a word of command might transform them into our friends...I am frightened: I dare think this way no more...I will keep them, shut away, until the war is ended. My heart beats fast: this the aim, the great, the sole aim, that I have thought of in the trenches; that I have looked for as the only possibility of experience after this annihilation of human feeling; this is a task that will make life afterward worthy of these hideous years."

In addition, hope has been pervasive throughout the entire LOTR trilogy, even when fear and despair have the upper hand. Hope is not a passive act; it is a decision of will, a choice of a small, unsurprising hobbit that said, "I will take the ring, even if I do not know the way." It is symbolized in Sam carrying Frodo up Mount Doom, of Eowyn and Faramir overcoming their past troubles and finding each other, of a group of people that saved the world because they dared to try.

I think the most important thing to keep in mind when comparing All Quiet on the Western Front and The Lord of the Rings is that they are two works with different purposes, yet their authors lived through similar circumstances. The thematic motifs of friendship, hope, trauma, and violence are still relevant today. Perhaps Paul's hope for the future, as well as the Fellowship's determination to see the quest to be end, can be summarized by the oft-repeated words of Gandalf:

'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo. 'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'

[ananke-xiii]

When I say that "Billie won" and that her values align with Dean's I'm not saying it is an unproblematic thing.

Billie's desire to go back to the "good, old days" is a pipe-dream, it cannot happen because there never were "good, old days" to begin with. (Little aside, Billie and Meg would totally vibe together, the "You ever miss the Apocalypse?" talks we could have had LOL).

"The good, old days" are just an image of a past that's ultimately unstustainable with the reality of life. Maybe for beings like Billie and Chuck, beings that manipulate life and death, life is just a thing, a pawn or a toy to play with but it's certainly not the case for humans. What's more, what the "good, old days" are for Billie is just an ideal time where there was Order:

Billie: I don't like loose ends, Dean. I don't like disorder. So clean this up. I need to know that you've got your house in order.

Billie's not interested in human things such as trauma and lived experiences, she will utilize people and other supernatural creatures as tools because she's got a "bigger picture" type of mentality. Billie doesn't care. A mentality that Dean lacks because he is human and because of his personality.

Tw: sui mention under the cut.

The issue, then, is that Dean fundamentally agreeing with Billie raises those "ethical questions" that Dean mentions in "Drag Me Away (From You)" and that ultimately cloud the whole season with a rather toxic take on the value of life itself.

Because Dean seeing his life as worthless and wanting to die is not news. It's not about Chuck and it actually never was. Tragically, Chuck wanted Dean to live and had a hand in his resurrections that Dean might or might not have seen as "punishments" just like Castiel in s7.

Whether or not she was goaded by Chuck, Billie had a hand in resurrecting Dean, too. Most notably in "Advanced Thanatology". I'm 100% not condoning Dean's actions in that episode but I want to point out this interesting little dialogue:

Dean: What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter. Billie: Don’t you? Dean: I couldn’t save Mom. I couldn’t save Cas. I can’t even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging him down. So I’m not going to beg. Okay, if it’s my time, it’s my time. Billie: You really believe that. You wanna die. Dean…every notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how you die. You specifically. Heart attack, burned by a red-haired witch, stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard, and on and on. But which one’s right? That depends on you, on the choices you make. Dean: Well, I guess I made my choice. Billie: But…unfortunately none of these books say you die today. Dean: Come again? Billie: Since I got this…new job, I stand witness to a much larger picture. Do you know what I see? You. And your brother. You’re important. Dean: Why? Billie: You have work to do. That’s all you need to know. And trust me, having my eyes opened to the necessity of any humans, especially Winchesters, is not a thrill. So…you wanna die, but I say…keep living.

Okay, so Billie cares about the natural order but not so much about the necessity of any humans. Let's keep that in mind.

Dean says that he doesn't matter and he wants to die. He's made his choice but Billie says no, keep living. Soooooo it doesn't depend on Dean and on the choices he makes like AT ALL (although, let's say it again, Dean's "choice" in this episode is absolutely not okay and he needs help ASAP). This is s4 Sam and Ruby dialogue all over again. What's the point of having a choice if I have "work to do" or if I don't know what I'm actually choosing? This also raises a lot of "ethical questions" that the show has always resolved with the resurrection of his characters. Go back and do your work! So when its characters die once and for all in 15x20 these questions are bound to resurface. Or... to resurrect (LOL, I'm so funny!).

It seems to me that Dean Winchester is not the "ultimate killer" but the "ultimate killed", which is even worse. He's unfortunately right when the he tells Billie that he doesn't matter because this is what we are ultimately shown. We know that both Dean and Sam are highly suicidal. "First Born", for instance, is an episode that shows how both brothers consider themselves utterly worthless. It goes without saying that it's all very sad. But Supernatural is also a show that's fun, right? So when Dean says in s15 that he doesn't want to die while people watch it's a little, funny, ironical joke? Well, it turns out it was a joke on us too because the show ends just like that. It's not so funny anymore and those "ethical questions" keep popping up more loudly.

Dean 's lack of a "bigger picture" type of mentality is demonstrated in his relationship with Billie where he falls into the same trap he fell with Crowley and the Mark of Cain. He goes right for the action not because he cannot see the bigger picture but because he doesn't want to:

Bille: And you need to tell me now. Do we have a problem? Dean: No. No, I want Chuck dead. I need him dead. I don't have to like every part of the plan.

I actually see a gigantic problem. Dean wants and needs Chuck dead but his worthlessness is so ingrained in him that he thinks he doesn't have to like (or even to know) everything. We can see the consequences of that little dialogue with Billie in s13 right in this piece of dialogue with Sam in "Drag Me Away (From You)":

Dean: This is how we end Chuck, okay?! This is the only way we'll ever be free! So I'm sorry, Sam! You don't get a choice! We don't get a choice! Sam: Oh, "we."

The only way to be free is by not getting a choice. Let's just say it's not a great start. Dean wants to be free from Chuck, but Billie says how, when and if he gets to be it.

As Sam says in "Unity", Billie has got Dean "so convinced" and that she has "played" them. To be honest, I don't think that Billie has played them, if you pay attention she's been telling them the truth from day one: they have work to do and she needs them so she decides whether or not they get to quit. I also don't think that Billie "convinced" Dean but they both happened to share a certain desire for an idealized past, an order where everything is okay and back to "how it should be" (I've written about it here if you want to know more). But they meant two different things by that.

For Dean, it's an escape from reality, which he equals with Chuck (and not with the "natural order") so when he realizes that reality is not "real" because Chuck has been manipulating it, he short-circuits while Sam is sadly more... accustomed to "unreality". This is why, I think, it's Sam who can see that it's all about a "power grab", nothing more: Billie, Chuck, it's just about power, it's not about them, they are literally just tools, instruments...

Because Dean is in pure crisis mode he thinks that the real problem is Chuck and... well, in a way, yes he's right but if you've followed me this far you've probably realized that he's also totally not.

Dean: I don't care if Billie gets what she wants! I don't, man! I'd trade it all— I'd trade 'em all for Chuck in a heartbeat!

Sam: What about me? Would you trade me?

Dean: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!

Dean should actually care if Billie gets what she wants because they might share a passion for the jolly old times but Billie is a total Chuck in disguise too:

(from "Advanced Thanatology)

Billie: You killed yourself. Dean: No. Are you keeping me dead? Billie: Now that depends on you. Dean: Okay. Uh… Well, congrats on the promotion. Uh, but I got a house full of ghosts waiting on me and my brother to get back to, so if it’s up to me – Billie: I didn’t say it was up to you. I said it depends on you.

As I've said, this is s4's conundrum all over again: you can choose but not really. Once Chuck's gone and the so-called "natural order" is not perturbed anymore, Dean discovers the horrible truth: it was real, everything was real. Cosmic entities can manipulate humans and time and Death but the lived experiences are still lived and still real to the person who's lived them. Cas was telling him just that when he said "We are real". To be fair, Dean was working precisely on that for over 5 seasons from season 8 to 12 but it all ended the moment Mary went to the AU and Cas died. Everything Dean did got undone in that moment. But then Mary and Cas came back. And then they died again. His bond with Sam was not enough in s12 to keep him alive and was not enough in s15 too. Even when Chuck was not a problem anymore those words Billie told him in "Despair" must have echoed in his brain:

"Don't you think it's finally time? Time for the sweet release of death?"

And Dean in "Carry On":

Dean: Oh, man. Well, I did not think this would be the day. But it is. It is, and that's... Man... that's okay.

Come to think of it, maybe Sam was right, Billie had totally convinced Dean. It wasn't exactly that difficult, though :|.

To sum it up: nobody in s15 was paying attention because if they were they would've understood that Billie would have NEVER made people disappear. That's totally NOT something she wants, it's the exact opposite of what she wants. It was a bit of a rookie mistake if you ask me but again, I'm not grappling with the anxiety of living a life where I don't know what's real and what is (or am I, LOL).

Even though she dies, Billie eventually wins (and it totally sucked anyway):

Sam: You were always gonna betray us. Once you defeated God, you were gonna take power. That means everyone who got a free pass, or a second chance, everyone who was resurrected or came from another world, you were gonna kill them all. Dean and me, too. That's the order you want restored. That's always been your endgame. Billie: Ya got me.

Okay so maybe Billie didn't win per se but what about Death? Did she win in the end? Did she retake her role in the narrative? Did she avenge all her deaths? Will she reap Chuck? Maybe it's called "Death of the Author" for a reason:

Chuck: What kind of an ending is this? Sam: (to Chuck) Then I think it's the ending where you're just like us and like all the other humans you forgot about. Dean: It's the ending where you grow old, you get sick, and you just die. Sam: And no one cares. And no one remembers you. You're just forgotten.

Ya got me. LOL, Have I already said I love Billie?

*whispering in the corner*: nobody puts Death in the corner...

[autistictaylorhebert]

personally I love Victoria but I strongly feel that the dreaming death thing should have been Wrong. authorially, thematically, pulling an arbitrary swerve out of nowhere where it was a good thing for vague nonsense reasons, was the wrong move actually. Victoria should have been forcibly enlisting everyone in a bad plan that she had no good reason to think would work and then it should have not worked. Final Arc Victoria should have been Khepri But If She Definitely Did Not Do Jack Shit Against Scion

What's maybe worse is that I can kind of see what wb was going for with the dreamplague. IMO it was a really interesting idea and good as a narrative goal, but had frustratingly awful execution.

Long post beneath cut.

Ward is about a cape vs civilian conflict-

Capes are people who have agency, and (theoretically) solve problems quickly, definitively, and often through violence. Their powers are usually defined by trigger events, a single moment of trauma, and their passengers put more importance on single, heightened moments and turning points rather than on continual work and effort.

Civilians are often defined by a lack of agency, and gradually deal with problems slowly through continual hard work and effort. When you ask the question of "what is the role of civilians in the cape world" the answers involve things like "slowly rebuilding damaged environments/buildings", "production of equipment", and "therapy and continual medicine". Even answers that involve violence, require more constant training and effort than powers do. Maybe most importantly, all of these answers involve civilians (at least as individuals) having a lot less agency than capes.

Victoria exists on both sides of this divide, being an almost platonic ideal of a cape, whilst also being someone who has had her agency stripped from her (and repeatedly goes up against masters). The rest of breakthrough are similar, each dealing with (often agency related) issues that they are unable to solve quickly and conclusively, and are instead forced to slowly deal with and/or adjust to.

Then, at then end of the story, the dreamplague happens, and it represents a shift. Cape society, who has always had more agency, gives that agency to civilians. When everyone wakes up the world is still broken, and there is no clear, conclusive way of fixing it- they instead have to put in slow, gradual effort to make things better. Simultaneous to this, Victoria gives up her cape identity and throws her costume away.

And I love that idea! I love the concept of heroism being inherently flawed! Of course you can't expect to solve problems with a climactic struggle!

In real life there are Big Moments and epiphanies and turning points, but the vast majority of the time if you want to change things you have to put in continuous, boring effort, and its fascinating for a story about superheroes to state that.

However, the ways in which this statement is explored are incredibly badly communicative and just god awful in general.

There are a bunch of different parts to this and I'll skim over some of them.

The fact that the reader is originally told that the dreamplague is an act of mass suicide (self destruction is more of a cape trait, so is the dreamplague meant to be a cape act or a civilian one?), is a big part of this. The lack of non-cape voice, and the fact that a lot of the civilian perspective isn't made sympathetic. A big part is the role breakthrough played the cape vs civilian conflict, both in how obscurely it communicates that theme and in how it lead wildbow to write some of the worst lgbt representation of his career.

I think a lot of what you're talking about anon, is the fact that it was originally depicted as an act of suicide, and that is was a huge risk on Victoria's part (that paid off with no downsides).

Worm, in contrast, is up front about how damaging the brain-warping is, and involves Taylor taking a risk that destroyed her as much as it saved the world. It was a bad plan in a number of respects, but it also has Taylor paying a price for it, and has a kind of weight because of this. I think that weight is why a lot of people don't like the idea of Taylor being in ward (or the idea of her surviving altogether).

In a way, I kind of have the opposite opinion, in that I'm ok with Taylor surviving Khepri (as a cape or otherwise), and I think some version of the dreamplague could have worked really well.

But I think what we share is a feeling that there should have been more consistency. I feel like if someone makes one of these big risky moves in the parahumans universe, it should be treated with the same kind of gravity, and should involve similar levels of narrative punishment (if there is narrative punishment at all). Similarly I feel that if a character does something suicidal or self destructive, the narrative should be relatively consistent as to how it treats that action.

That's my take anyway.

[youremyheaven]

I found your blog when I was reaserching sufism since I’m leaning into it and the first thing I saw was your post about fated love which is so crazy because I’m pretty sure I’m on a “twin flame” journey!

Last year I saw a guy I met 7 years ago and that I hated at the time and I got triggered beyond measurement (I minimized it to the fact that I was jealous of his accomplishments) and my life has flipped upside down since then. I’ve healed so much of my trauma & went though a complete ego death and went out to find my callings.

The only thing is that he has been on my mind for a whole year in a fundamental way and I’ve even had crazy lucid dreams about him and i just feel so pathetic at times for spending so much thoughts on a stranger.

When i first prayed to god for answers is when I had my first dream of him the same night as some sort of answer but I’m still confused.

Sorry if this information overload but if you have my more knowledge and advice on the subject I would appreciate so much ❤️

finally a different kind of ask <3

i have been on a twin flame journey for several years now and this is probably going to be a controversial take because i havent heard anybody else express this sort of opinion in the twin flame community (99% of people in that community are absolutely delusional so i refrain from taking part in that sort of thing) i honestly think uniting on the physical plane is probably impossible for many twin flames and i also dont think theyre meant to?

a lot of people confused limerence with twin flame-ness. idk who needs to hear this but the random married person you're obsessed with isnt your twin flame.

in 2022 i met someone who i felt strangely pulled to. he reacted to seeing me like he was struck by lightning and i felt repulsed by him. in 2023, it became this cat and mouse, back and forth kind of thing where it seemed to build into mutual obsession but after interacting with him, i was completely put off by him and felt even disgusted by him but at the same time, i have changed so profoundly as a person from that first encounter and the second encounter that i really cant make sense of it. he instils a sense of desire in me and makes me want to change things and be better for myself yk? he's like the silent voice in my head ngl, everytime i think of doing anything, i have him in mind as my imaginary audience lol. its not in terms of whether or not he would approve but rather in terms of his presence?? feels comforting?? so its nice to have his energy in mind whenever im confronted by something new??

the trauma confrontation, ego death, finding your calling etc are all part of the journey

if you feel yourself slipping into obsessive thoughts, try to focus on prayer, or work or your hobbies because its unhealthy to dwell on such thoughts too much but some minuscule amount of feelings for that person (feelings that are very confusing because it cannot be easily defined) will always linger. i wish them well and hope for the best but right now all i can do is focus on what their energy is doing to me aka undoing my life and making me level up lol and each phase of this journey is unique like that.

in my case, i dont expect to ever unite with him physically. i just dont think its possible tbh but i have a very strong feeling that i will run into him again in a few years and that its part of the journey idk

my advice would be to focus on yourself and not on him but by focusing on yourself, you are healing yourself of what is keeping you in a state where you react negatively to them, ykwim?? dont expect to be with that person, the purpose of a twin flame is to teach you things and help your soul ascend to the next level. union cannot be orchestrated and sometimes god knows best that union is not meant to be in this lifetime. but that does not mean this experience isnt valuable. the experience is what it makes of you. and its vvv easyyy to romanticize a person you dont know very well, just trust that its for the best that youre not with them tbh

[jatlokgwo]

for @rainbow-strawberry-sherbert!!

i have no idea how to start this rip (dd= disassembly drone)

i useally say that am xiao and a dissasembally drone but im more concepts then anything else it goes

consepts: small flying dangerous flexable tail multiple forms/run like a dog and grab like a human watcher listener endless job to do

base: raptor birds (-> peregrine falcons) fennec foxes

2: demon (-> xiao is considered a demon adeptus and another word for dd is sky demon) feathery wings sharp teeth

3 (vaguely but there): otters finchs western dragons/wof sandwing scaramouche

"in view": adeptus xiao generic dissasembally/worker drone hybrid S (my kinsona) i like to show myself as a fennec like with the gifs

species by accosiation: ADEPTUS cat bees (-> friend called me minecraft bee coded) wolf dog theres a version of S thats uninfected any au

xiao is the minimum that you need to know to understand and before i had things to latch onto i jumped around sonas alot it was stressful and i only made things worse by interrogating myself witch is why i said to not think about it so hard and just draw whats fun =-= i found out im a drone by making a sona and then the sona feeling way more real then other sonas/ocs like chengcuo i was just bein silly ^^

sometime its also neurodivergent stuff (???) i cant understand facial expressions so i either exadurat them or dont really emote (i promise you that the xiaos are diffrent pictures)

colors and color coding is also important to me!!!!!!

am small and can fly but am kinda flightless when xiao sits down his ingame model doesnt reach the floor and dds are kinda tall but i look more like a worker drone with dd features and there both short to avrege humans as xiao i had wings and a bird form (can fly) but i lost them when a dream-god ripped of my wings and dds have retractable wings but copper 9 has a constant death storm happeneing that acts like a blizzard so id rather walk and do my silly jumps sjchd

its also a comfort thing!!! im a bird adeptus without wings or a bird form as a dd im a living wepon every even if the dream god tore them again dds can regen our heads i will have wings again in like a minute and if i really want to hen its awkward but of i angle it right there strong enough to break other drones caseing (my wings as xiao where normal feathers my life has also been almost constant trauma and i would pretend to use finchy looking wings to hide or hug myself and playing genshin was our escape we where still plural and we would listen to alot of genshin asmr and i think thats how i formed as a fictive) i think its also linked to my hyperfixation on md and my main comfort charater right now being a N (hes the yellow dd in the gif and my pfp :3)

ive also been gaslit and a defining part of being a dd is that you used to be a normal worker drone before you got infected with the absolute solver and it did some mlp infection stuff and messed with our memories theres a whole episode about it (cw for robot gore flashing lights anf 1 line of ablism against narcissists if you click the link its the episode) having anatonamy instead of wanting it is still kinda new to me theres a theme with them about how xiao was enslaved as a wepon for the dream-god and dds arnt supposed to be unique but xiao gets to be a person and the dds are unique anyways that i resonate alot with to its nice to see the systems that let the bad things happen be villians instead of when i tell people that the thing that hurt me was school and they try to find reasons why it was my fault

(hopfully this make sense brain wont give me anything else for now but if i think if something ill add it!! and if you have questions i can do my best to awnser them!!!!)

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

Because I know we talked about it but also because I know it's smthn u enjoy thinking about: How much has Tarhos corrupted Haru and how much of it is just the darkin is a God, corrupted as he may be, that actually answered his prayers unlike the others?

✧ ── 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 LEAGUE VERSE

Something that makes Haruo and Tarhos' relationship unique is, at least to me, their joined mindspace - while Rhaast and Kayn can communicate telepathically and can read eachother it is still two separate beings bickering with one another. For Haruko and Tarhos the line is much more blurred; they experience eachother's feelings and desires, hear each single thought and even have shared dreams. They are less "two people in one body" and much more "one person in two bodies" in terms of how they can communicate with eachother, I mean technically if we wanted to get really into it we could debate about how there is no true unified "self" but rather a fractaling recursion of self-repeating selves - think about how your conscience talks to you in your own voice or how you ask yourself questions and you answer them - that. Its incredibly complicated to try to explain in a tumblr post but that is how, for myself at least, Haru and Tarhos operate. Tarhos and Haru can hear the other one talking and know its not them doing it but it still feels like their own thought. I hope that makes sense because it's only going to get worse from here -

While that isn't necessarily the question I do think its an important thing to distinct when speaking about them; before Tarhos found a vessel they basically acted as a singular unit anyway - I doubt that mindset would change much once he took over the dragon in Ionia. So, beginning with that I'm going to continue on and say that I don't think Haru was "corrupted" so much as he was validated. Before the Noxian invasion Haruko was most likely living peacefully in Bahrl with his village and family, there was tension between Vastayans and Humans as always but he didn't go out comitting murder for fun. He just simply did not interact with them or care enough to - and I really don't think he cared about or even knew about Noxus. Based on that alone we can see a distinct difference from the past to present, and I do think that has a large chunk to do with Tarhos. Darkin are PTSD ridden forgotten Gods whose last moments feeling sunlight were surrounded by the rise of the Void, and the fall of Azir along with the Empire of Shurima - and when Haruko first found Tarhos, the blade was eager for bloodshed and violence.

Upon first contact their minds partially merged, Haru's strength of spirit was able to dominate and shackle back Tarhos' possession of him for the most part, but not completely. The battle was fought and Haruko fled having lost practically everything within a single day by an unknown force that brutalized without mercy - which I'm sure is an event Tarhos can understand way too well. This is where the validation and mind-merging come into play; even if Tarhos did not actively say anything to Haru at that time, Haru can still feel what Tarhos is and vice versa. Within Tarhos' own bloodlust and hatred towards the Void Haru felt validated and correct in his anger and immediate dehumanization of Noxians; seeing them as a plague to Ionia much like the Void is a plague to Shurima. Once the mind has decided to dehumanize it is very easy for people to fall into acts of violence without any reprise or guilt over them; its happened many a time throughout history and is still happening today. And that is very hard to change once its cemented, particularly through a place of deeply rooted trauma which resulted in a cultural and territorial genocide. One of which the very land has still not healed from.

Haru does view Tarhos as a God too - he is one - and to have those views validated and reaffirmed by something so universally larger than him screams to him that he is correct. Tarhos didn't have any bit of a healthy mindset when they originally met, they were both spiteful and livid at the world around them - and violence always breeds violence, anger breeds anger etc. With Tarhos healing though it does leave an actively larger question regarding that original validation; does it still hold as much as it should? Haru hates Noxians so much and frankly would be fine if they were eradicated, but that seems a very sharp shift for a creature thats lived in relative peace for 300+ years. Anger is often a mask we wear to hide things we're not ready to face yet, its the brain defending itself from whatever ugly can of worms needs to be opened but will really really hurt when it eventually does.

In short, Haru has found comfort, validation, and solace in a bloodthirsty God which reaffirms his fury and approves of it - he isn't getting any help for the legitimate reasons he's like this - and until he does there won't be any end to it. I don't think he was corrupted, I think Tarhos' just helped pour gasoline ontop of a small fire and both of them let it explode without really thinking about the consequences afterwards or why the fire was there to begin with.