#like literally i read this whole book and there was not a single moment where i was surprised or like ‘oh that wasnt in the movie’

[oflgtfol]

finally read flatland for myself. read it in its entirety today during my free time on my 12 hour shift. really good book but maybe would have stuck more in my mind if i hadnt seen the janky 2007 animated adaptation several times before reading it. but then again my coworker saw me reading it and said they had tried to read it but it was too confusing trying to visualize everything, so i at least had a leg up there since all i could think of was the characters from the 2007 adaptation. anyway i think i’m going to rewatch it for the Nth time tonight <3

[anonymityisfunwriter]

love is embarrassing

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

a.n. i can't be blamed for this. i swear, this is the last part. (but like, i also reserve the right to do another one if the mood strikes). i just have so much fun writing these two.

bad idea right? | get him back! | love is embarrassing

you loved romance. you loved reading it. you loved watching a good rom com. you loved the idea of love.

you just wish someone would have told you how embarrassing it all was. love is embarrassing. plain and simple. it’s humiliating. and no movie, no book, no past relationship ever prepared you for how much you were willing to embarrass yourself for bucky barnes.

no one prepared you for hearing that tired sigh and watching your friends roll their eyes. every single time without fail.

“we broke up.”

“we’re back together.”

“we’re just keeping it casual.”

“i love him.”

“i hate him.”

bucky barnes had literally driven you to the brink of madness. then reeled you back in. then pushed you head first over the cliff. and as much as you wanted to hate him for it, you know you've done the exact same thing to him too.

something about the two of you, whether together or broken up, turned to usually level headed, composed agents into immature, borderline insane people.

dignity, both yours and his, was no longer a consideration in your relationship.

it was simple, neither of you had any left.

not when you kept falling into each other's beds and arms over and over again.

and in spite of all of this, in spite of all the embarrassment, the moment bucky texts you and asks you to meet him for a coffee, you agree - but only after making him wait several hours for a simple 'okay'.

here you sit before him, sipping on your tea, wondering where the hell your pride went. you were sure you had it right before bucky texted you.

bucky lets out a deep sigh, his hands anxiously rubbing together. "I just - i thought that maybe we should talk. alone. and i didn't want you to think that i was just trying to -"

"hook up?"

he nods, his lips pressed together, "exactly."

"it's not like everyone doesn't already know what's going on between us."

he immediately looks apologetic. you hate that. you hate that deep down, bucky barnes is actually a really good person, just not a great ex-boyfriend.

the real kicker was that he was actually a really great boyfriend, at least, from what you remember. "i should've told you that sam and steve found out."

your shoulders slump in defeat as you acquiesce, "and i should've told you that natasha and wanda found out."

his mouth twists. "so everyone knows, huh?"

"pretty much... does that surprise you?"

"i mean, i guess not. it's not like we were subtle about any of it."

you playfully snort, "no, i guess we weren't."

"why did we break up?"

"you don't remember that huge fight we had?"

"no, i remember that. i remember being really pissed off. i remember saying things that i didn't mean. i just can't remember why i didn't go after you. i can't remember why you didn't come back. and i can't remember why we gave up so easily."

the crazy thing was you could hardly remember what the fight was about. his ego. your temper. conflicting work schedules. the reality was you both blew up that night. "i don't remember either."

"why the hell are we still broken up?"

pride, mostly.

it was always the ugly head that reared itself in your relationship.

you were too proud to admit that you were wrong.

he was too proud to admit that he was wrong.

you were both too proud to be the first one to lay your armor down.

"it’s just..." you start, shaking your head and immediately backtracking, "forget it."

"it’s clearly something," bucky urges.

"it’s embarrassing."

"i promise i won’t give you shit about whatever you say."

"no, bucky, it’s embarrassing..."

his jaw sets to the side, his teeth clicking together. "us? we’re embarrassing? you’re embarrassed to be with me?"

"no! yes! no - it’s - this whole back and forth. if i get back together with you now - which i'm not saying i will - what does that say about me?"

he scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. "i didn't realize you cared that much about what other people thought of you."

"don't patronize me," you sneer. "you've embarrassed the shit out of me over and over again. forgive me for having some self respect."

"i think i'm falling in love with him," you confess.

"i'm so happy for you!" wanda squeals.

"barnes!" natasha greets him. "we were just talking about you two, so much for being a lone wolf, huh?"

bucky wraps an arm around you, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. he scoffs, "nothing's changed. we're just keeping it casual."

"i've embarassed you?" bucky guffaws. "you're not exactly innocent in this either."

"me?" you gasp. "what the hell did i do to you?"

"i think she's the one," bucky wistfully admits.

sam rolls his eyes. "you've been dating like a month."

"i'm not seeing your point."

"hey, sam," you greet him, making a point to glare at bucky as you pass the two of them on the way to the bar.

"oh shit," sam chuckles. "someone's in trouble."

"what? no i'm not - " bucky's words are cut off by the sight of you flipping him off as you walk away. "i stand corrected."

"you've done plenty," bucky grunts.

"and now, now, all i hear now is everyone's opinion of what they think i should do!" you exclaim. "do you know how humiliating it is to have everyone's opinions of whether or not i should be with you?"

“you’ll never get over him if you’re still under him, if you get what i mean,” nat quips.

you roll your eyes. “you have the subtlety of a brick wall.”

"you were the one that was all over sam at the bar the other night!" he accuses.

"and you were flirting with some random stranger in front of all of our friends!" you shoot back.

"people are staring," bucky points out.

you hang your head. great, you've embarrassed yourself once again in this back and forth with bucky. "i'm just tired of hearing what everyone thinks about this back and forth."

"but what do you think?" he emphasizes. "because, honestly, i'll embarrass myself over and over again if it means i could have you back. just name a time and a place and i'll be there." you're taken aback by bucky's offer. he was a proud man. there was no denying that. and maybe it's the fact that there's nothing but sincerity gleaming in his eyes or the fact that he's willing to give up something he values so much for you. maybe romance isn't dead after all. "or maybe, maybe we just stop. we stop this back and forth. we stop acting like kids, stop trying to get back at each other. we just... love each other without worrying about what everyone else thinks."

"oh fuck," you hiss under your breath as the realization hits you.

"what?"

you don't say anything. you just realized that you're about to embarrass yourself one last time for bucky barnes.

who cares? after all, love is embarrassing.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist

As always, let me know what you think! Reblogs and comments are always appreciated! 💛

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[peachyloveswriting]

ok but how about something a little wholesome and a dash of silly where reader is like literal golden retriever energy with the cod boys? like, they could be gone for 1 day and they come back and reader is like "oh my god i missed you 🥹"

GOLDEN RETRIEVER ENERGY --- Cod boys

SUMMARY: The COD boys with a clingy s/o :)just a bunch of fluff and cuddles that's all.

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

PRICE

You and your husband Price don't always get to have missions together so when he's required to leave for a day or two you know there are dangers involved once he's out there. The whole time you worry for his well being and physical health and stress your own in the process. It's hard knowing he's out there and you can't be there to help. Thankfully he has his team to protect him and finish the job nicely but once he comes back it's suddenly like your a different person.

Laying in your bunk with a book in hands your eyes skimmed the page. The words were flowing through your mind like a trickling stream, not exactly sticking or registering in reality for that moment in time. The words were being read actively as you looked at them but no matter what Price just wasn't leaving your head.

The door to the room opens, Price huffing, he tosses his bag down beside the door and kicks it shut behind him. Just the smell of his room being around him again fills him with a warm feeling. Something he associates with you. A bright smile on your face as you leap onto his arms with a laugh and squeeze him into a tight hug. Your body against his is a living sense that proves he made it home in one piece. You hold him down. But for some reason you're not in his arms yet.

Looking at where you lay on the bed he furrows his brows and picks his boots off to walk over. "Love?" He coos. In your head it's almost like he just walked in, Ghost said they weren't going to be back for another three days and that was only yesterday. At this point you must've been losing it.

Not seeing you acknowledge his presence, Price frowned. Normally you would have engulfed him in a hug by now. Something must be terribly wrong for you to have not moved yet. He speaks out again, this time with caution on his voice. "Love? Is something wrong?"

Finally turning to look at the door your heart slams against your chest. Something in your stomach flips and suddenly your tossing the book halfway across the room and jumping to your feet just to leap from the bed into his arms. Your legs wrapped around his torso and head tucked away in the crook of his neck. "You're home!" You squeak with a bright smile. He laughs heartily, warmth spreading in his chest as he catches you against him his his hands under your thighs. "Yes, I'm home love."

GHOST

"I only have to get a few things. Staying in the truck?" He asked before he took the keys from the ignition. You nodded. "Yeah, I'll stay."

Nodding curtly he left the truck running and pushed open the door. Sliding down from the seat and turning around he raised his brows. "I'll be right back." With that he promptly closed the door and you watched him walk away inside the store. He was coming to pick up a few drinks and some teabags for back home. One of his few times off work.

You started talking to him romantically a few months back, first thing he told you was what he did for a living. You knew then that it would be difficult to form a relationship with him because of how often he's gone. As time's moved on though, he's taken you out on six dates and on every single on of them he had just returned home. This would make seven. He was taking you back to his house for dinner and drinks. You're more than happy to be here sitting in his truck happily waiting for his eventual return. You'll have to give it to him, he's very dedicated.

Never once during that time that he was away did he not call you at least once to see how your day was. Most men don't do that unless you tell them too maybe that's why you like this one so much. Come to think of it, anytime he's not away he's with you spending money on you and taking you on dates. True dedication. At this point the other men you were interested men were blocked and dropped the moment you started talking to him.

Jogging across the lot with his hood covering his head, Simon grabbed the door handle and snatched it open to jump and climb in. Spooked, you lumped and shouted. Shutting the door he looked at you with furrowed brows. The moment you realized it was just him you started to laugh to yourself.

"I scare you?" He asks as he leans over with a smirk and puts the bags in the floorboard at your feet. Nodding, you grab hold of his arm and press your face into his bicep. "Don't do that again." You said. He chuckles, a hand coming up to pat your head. "I will."

Sitting back up with a satisfied smile on your face, you speak. "Good- wait."

SOAP

You're first night at the safehouse and Soap and Ghost had already left you alone with the rest of 141, left to talk to Price. Gaz and Alejandro weren't bad company, no, not at all. But after a long, grueling, and ongoing mission this would be your first nights laying in an actual in weeks. Sadly it seemed like your boyfriend, John, wouldn't be able to join you. It was already sundown, the sun set hours ago and your aching body was calling you to bed.

After saying goodnight to the team that stayed behind, you trudged your way to the bedroom you claimed the moment you saw it and secluded yourself to the comfortable mattress. You wouldn't dare lay down though, knowing that if you did you might miss John coming back. Till then you'd be stuck by yourself in a cold bed without someone to talk you to sleep.

The house was dead silent when Ghost and Soap returned, both of they're sore and tired bodies cried out for sleep. The sleep settled in Soap's bones as he made his way back towards the rooms. "Goin' to bed already Johnny?" Ghost queried.

"That's right L.T." He hums as he slowly walks away. Ghost watches him with blank eyes before he sighs and walks into the livingroom by himself. John felt bad for leaving Ghost in there all by himself but the bed was calling him home and so were you. Making his way to the door he pushes it open to find you sitting at the end of the bed with your elbows resting on your knees.

Hearing the door open your head perks up, the moment you see him close the door a bright smile spreads across your face. "Thought you weren't gonna make it." You observed as you turned and crawled your way over the bed to where he stood. Taking his vest off he drops it to the floor, when he looks back down at you your waddling your way across the mattress. Soon enough your arms are wrapped around his waist and your head is pressed into his stomach.

"It's nice to see you again baby." He hums, his hands gently rub the back of your head. His heart beats rapidly in his chest while his stomach does flips at the sight of you. "Stop leaving me." You whine. Smiling at your words he chuckles softly. Warmth spreads across his chest at your words, it takes all of him not to baby you right here.

"Let me get comfy first love, cuddles in just a second." He says. Letting go of him with a frown you plop back onto the mattress and watch him take off the rest of his gear. His shoes are the last to go, the moment their off he tackling you into the bed pulling you close to him with a tired smile.

It couldn't get my h better than this.

KÖNIG

König was supposed to be coming back on leave today, at least that's what he told you the last like he called. He was telling you he had one last thing before he could come home. It wouldn't be much longer but you spent all night cleaning the house and running around. Your feet are buzzing with excitement even after twelve hours of cleaning. Though your back and arms are sore you continue to find ways to distract yourself from waiting.

At the moment you were in the garage cleaning out your car. You're leaned over in the back seat with all the doors open so the music from the radio can play loud enough for you to feel comfortable and in a good mood. The music was so loud though that the sound of the front door opening and closing went unheard.

König could clearly hear the music playing from the garage. That was his first clue that you were distracting yourself. In a way it brought a smile to his face, knowing that this time it was only a few walls between you. Happy to be home he dropped his bag on the couch and strode towards the garage door.

Standing up to set your bag of trash to the side you spot a large shadow standing off to the side. Startled, you jolt and spin to look at what you saw. It took a moment to register that it was only König but once you knew, you screamed.

Your heart leapt out your chest as you bolted to him and engulfed him in a tight hug. All the while you feet danced beneath you, happy to have him home. "König!" You cheer. Hearing you call his name with such excitement fills his chest with warmth. He can't help the bright smile that tugs at his lips as he looks down at you in his arms, your face pressed into his chest. He wouldn't trade this for the world.

[cutielando]

not so happy reunion ~ rafe cameron

my masterlist

From the moment you and Rafe got engaged, you had left the Outer Banks.

Not because you were keen on doing so, but because Rafe wanted to escape from the hold his family, specifically his father, had on him.

You moved into a beautiful mansion on the mainland, both of you had stable and high-paying jobs, so you were living comfortably.

You had also gotten married after a year and a half of moving, only with a few close friends, Wheezie, Sarah and your family. Per Rafe's request, Sarah and Wheezie hadn't told their parents why they were visiting the mainland, using the excuse of a much needed girls' trip.

Even though you had advised Rafe to at least let his family know about the wedding, he vehemently insisted that you didn't tell them anything, claiming he didn't want them to ruin his perfect day with you like they did everything else.

However, Ward didn't want to accept the fact that Rafe didn't want to have anything to do with him or his family anymore, hence always sending you an invitation to the annual Midsummers party.

Every single time, Rafe would come up with an excuse as to why you couldn't make it. You were either busy with your jobs, you were feeling under the weather, you missed your flight, the excuse range was very wide.

However, now that you were also pregnant with your first child, you figured it would be time to pay the old OBX a visit, for old times' sake.

Rafe, even though he agreed on your behalf, was very much not excited to be back.

"Have we got everything?" you were finishing up packing your bags, making sure you had put everything you would need for your 2 day stay.

"Do we really have to go?" Rafe asked from where he was sitting on your shared bed, pouting like a small child.

You sighed and chuckled, amused because he was still trying to convince you not to go when you were literally minutes away from leaving for the island.

"Baby, we haven't been back there in almost 3 years. Don't you think it's time we do go and show people we're still alive and happily together?" you moved your hands so they were resting on his shoulder, his eyes at a level with your growing bump.

He sighed and leaned forward to kiss your bump and cradle it in his hands.

"I don't want her to be in that environment" he mumbled, speaking about your unborn daughter.

The moment you had found out you were having a girl, Rafe couldn't stop dotting on you. He was so excited to have another little princess running around, a mini-you. He was doing everything to make sure he got the hang of it all, from reading books to taking some daddy-and-me classes, watching videos and grilling his co-workers about advice.

He was the most prepared father-to-be ever.

"Baby, everything is going to be fine. She's safe in there, nobody is going to do anything to her, or me, or you. We're just gonna see some old friends, have a little fun and try not to get into arguments with your father. We're leaving as soon as we can, okay?" you were running your hands through his hair, twirling his dirty blonde locks around your fingers.

He nodded and kissed your bump one last time before getting up, taking your bags and hauling them to your car.

The ride to the OBX was quiet, Rafe's hand consistently resting on your bump as he drove and yours resting on top of his.

As you observed Rafe for the whole ride, you noticed how much he started tensing up the closer  you got to the island, full on freaking out by the time he had parked his car.

"Okay, let's get this over with" he muttered as he got out of the car and jogged to your side, opening your door and taking your hand in his, interlocking your fingers.

You slowly made your way to the reception, more and more of your old friends recognizing you and stopping to chit chat.

At first, Rafe's hand was tightly holding yours tensely, but his grip slowly became more tender and less tense as he finally managed to calm down and enjoy seeing his friends.

"Rafe?" Ward's voice boomed through the party, making everyone around you stop to observe the interaction.

Rafe cursed under his breath but turned around, coming face to face with his father.

"Dad" Rafe nodded and said, his grip on your hand tightening slightly.

You started caressing the side of his hand with your thumb, trying to keep him grounded and calm.

"Oh, it's so good to see you, my boy" the man pulled his son into a tight hug, squeezing him like never before.

Rafe coughed and just patted his father on the back, one of his hands still linked with yours. You could only imagine how uncomfortable the situation was for your husband.

"And I see you brought your girlfriend as well" Ward said once his eyes fell on you.

"Wife, actually" you proudly corrected the man, your other hand now resting on your clearly visible bump.

Ward's eyes followed your hand and once he saw the wedding band on your hand holding your baby bump, his jaw went slack and he was at a loss of words.

Rafe cleared his throat and let go of your hand, instead opting to wrap his arm around your waist and pull your body flush against his.

"I can't believe this. Congratulations. When did this happen?" his voice was now back to his usual icy tone, surely figuring out the fact that he hadn't been invited to his son's wedding.

"Almost 1 year and a half ago. Found out we were expecting a couple of months ago" Rafe's gaze on his father hadn't let up.

Ward nodded, biting the inside of his cheek visibly.

"And you didn't think to invite your family?" he bit back.

"Wheezie and Sarah were there. The only family I needed with me" 

The music had now stopped, everyone concentrating on the brewing tension between the two Cameron men.

"What are we and Rose then? We raised you!" 

"With all due respect, you didn't do shit. You left him to fend for himself his entire life and didn't give a shit about his well-being because you were too obsessed with Sarah. You don't get to do that anymore. We didn't want you there because you didn't deserve to be there, just like you are never going to be a part of our child's life" you burst, not wanting to let Rafe deal with this by himself.

Ward's eyes widened as they shifted from his son to you. He had remembered you as the calculated one from the couple, always trying to keep the waters calm and Rafe under control. He didn't expect you to talk back to him like that.

"We're clearly not welcome here, so we're going to leave" Rafe said.

On your way out, you bid goodbyes to some of your friends and gave Ward one last look before getting into your car and driving away.

"I'm sorry, I thought it would be a good idea" you said once you had made it home, now safe and sound in the sheets of your bed with your husband.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. At least we managed to catch up with people before disaster struck" he teased, kissing your shoulder and hugging you from behind, his hands cradling your bump.

You laughed and settled in bed, drifting off to a peaceful sleep with the two most important people in your life: Rafe and your daughter.

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[hexhomos]

Sorry, I'm asking here because asks aren't on your doomreed account, but do you have any fic recs for them ? You and vinnies art have intrigued me 😭 they both seem like such wet cats in different ways, and I love that

help i didnt know asks were off fixed that now thank you... I have two fics i keep in my back pocket as like, exemplary distillations of their whole thing (one in college vs one of their usual superhero stuff,) these are;

Supersymmetry and Night Blooms

Rly good examples of their usual shenanigans, the second one is directly based on a canon comic issue that *feels* like fanfic by a prolific yaoi author, the first is set in a modern-time re-imagining of the fantastic four where they meet in a supergenius internship thinktank for gifted youngsters. There's other fics that are good but i think they might be super confusing without canon context! which leads me to my second point. After you read these fics...

A lot, and i mean A LOT of official doomreed stuff feels straight up like fanfic. Either because its so beautifully woven or insane in concept (doctor doom points a gun at the real life Jack Kirby and Stan Lee to get himself written back into reed's life in his 3rd ever classic appearance, in the 60's, THAT'S the bodyswap issue)

or because the literal authors themselves come out to say 'they're soulmates' or 'they're in love' and Im talking abt this:

(^joseph culp, the first ever doom actor from 1994)

(^fantastic four (2019))

I've got even more stuff under the cut!! AND recs!!! CLICK! v v v

(^jonathan hickman, author of arguably the best FF saga & Secret Wars (2015)!!!)

(^Cantwell, author of the Doctor Doom comic!!)

These are excerpts from the canon fantastic four book, DOOMGATE:

There's even an RPG INSTRUCTION MODULE based on the idea of an earth where Reed & Victor partner up in college, Reed dies a tragic death (via their lab experiments) and Victor assumes such a traumatized widow role in his honor that he grows up to be a golden hero and protector of earth LOL (still a bit nuts):

This is not even to touch on the breadth of all their comic issues and little moments together. Victor canonically delivers Reed's second child and he chooses her name! Shes treated like his child too and calls him uncle doom!!

...Victor even asks Reed out on candlelit dinner dates for a yearly Latverian holiday!

In fact, that's the great starter doom/reed issue i keep recommending: read [ My Dinner With Doom right here. ]

If you enjoy that, check out my [ broader post guide for doomreed reading. ]

Still on the fence? try out these single comic issues:

Doctor Doom:

*Fantastic Four (1961) annual 2 (Classic origin of Doom issue) *Some call it MAGIC (the introduction of Doom's struggle w/ the devil for his mother's soul)

Doomreed:

*Marvel Two-in-One (2017) annual 1 *Marvel Two-in-One (2017) #11 (2nd fic i linked is based on this!!!!!!!!!) *'Duel Intentions' short story *Doom 2099 (2019) *Fantastic Four #700 special *Shame Itself (noncanon satire mini)

Anyway I've had a lot of fun reading these series generally and their big, year-spanning arcs are incredible. People hype up Secret Wars for a reason, Hickman's fantastic four builds up a really compelling doom/reed epic of cosmic divorce proportions. And its about love! And Forgiveness!

[goingxmissing]

2023 fic reader highlights

thanks to mostlymaudlin for putting together this template. i'm going to enjoy rereading all of these over the next few days and using the floating ao3 comment box, which has significantly improved my life, and increased the unhinged nature of my comments.

Fic that made me laugh

Cool Things to Say to Your Soulmate by @powerful-owl & @love-leah • daniel ricciardo/max verstappen • a collection of soulmate AUs (everything em writes is hilarious, and this is full of heartache, miscommunication, and so many fun takes on the soulmate trope. delightful. haven't looked at geese the same way since.)

2. Fic that made me cry

one step closer and i'm real by @officialmood • daniel ricciardo/max verstappen • time travel, alternate universes (this fic is exquisite, every version of daniel that max meets is distinctly different and broke my heart in a multitude of ways. made my heart twist in the best way.)

3. Fic that gave me a story hangover

all this happened, more or less by multi21 • charles leclerc/max verstappen • social media, canon divergence (so much fun and so inspired! charles is a secret singer-songwriter, told through social media posts and devastating lyrics, le castellet is in my head at any given moment. went with this for story hangover because i thought about it for Days afterwards and then charles literally put his music on spotify. drop the escalier des fleurs content charles!!)

4. Fic I want to discuss book club style

playboy in the grotto by @freeuselandonorris • lando norris/oscar piastri • watersports (the pinnacle of horny romance: gross, filthy, desperate, fond. had to pause reading several times to rant about my favourite bits. need a book club to discuss the wider cinematic universe where they explore more kinks in the most tender way.)

5. Fic that got me a lil flustered

the fire is slowly dying by @strawberry-daiquiris • oscar piastri/mark webber • age difference, mentor/protégé (this is one of the most unhinged fics i've ever had the pleasure of enjoying. oscar is a total menace. scenes in this fic will stay with me Forever. i urge anyone to take a chance on the pairing if you're intrigued and FEAST.)

6. Fic by one of my favourite authors

jump right in by @strawberry-daiquiris • lando norris/oscar piastri • rule 63 (imagine your fiancée muses, 'what if lando was a girl and she'd never had an orgasm?' one day and then a couple of months later she's still working on a 100k+ masterpiece following the 2023 season where a third of the grid are women? i'm the luckiest. this fic is everything and i'm going to be LOST without it when it's finished.)

7. Fic I reread more than once

screen glows in a dark room by @hollywoodsargeant • oscar piastri/logan sargeant • phone sex, sex toys (steaming hot phone sex, not a single word wasted. the first fic i read for this pairing and i keep coming back to it and also the whole apex predator series. HIGHLY recommend checking these out for the Dynamics.)

8. Fic I sent to everyone I know

side by side in orbit by @glasscushion • lando norris/oscar piastri, max fewtrell/lando norris • cuckolding, voyeurism, open relationships (the concept is rancid and the vibes are UNMATCHED. this was delicious. as i said in my comment: when max feels spit pool beneath his tongue, when he forgets to breathe because he's so into what's happening in front of him. i felt that!!!!! immediate rec.)

9. Fic that made me fall in love with an author

i'll kiss you first by venerat • lando norris/oscar piastri • a/b/o (my first fic for this pairing, i read it on a Very Early train and my brain never recovered. you might be able to tell from my tumblr. me reading this fic over and over like: ��. still can't see the word 'ripe' and not think about lando being a grotty omega. every fic by venerat is an absolute BANGER. hit that subscribe button, my friends!!)

thank you to all of the wonderful authors and creators who have shared their work in fandom this year. 2023 has been a feast <3

[ot3]

I mean this in entirely good faith, I promise, but I'd love to hear the "shortcomings" you think those shows have

she ra i mostly just found boring i don't think i could point to a single thing it did (out of what i watched, that is. i didn't finish the show) that i found to be an objectionable writing choice, but it just didn't do anything to keep my interest. which is a shame because i went into it REALLY excited!!! i had long been a fan of nimona so hearing that ND stevenson was getting the chance to make a cartoon i was SO prepared to be all over it. and i watched it and it all just fell pretty flat for me

steven universe and the owl house i feel like are shows with some pretty major structural issues. i really think they try to have their cake and eat it in terms of episodic moments vs overarching series narratives that are kind of at odds with each other.

with steven universe i feel like this manifested in some pretty bizarre tonal whiplash that prevented either of the shows angles from sticking its landing. i think if steven universe had either been an epic space opera about a kid inheriting his mother's war, it would have fucking banged. i think if steven universe had been a more slice-of-life oriented show about a boy coming of age by realizing he's sort of the living manifestation of the war trauma of the people around him and learning to navigate and help people heal from that through fantastical, alien super-powered twists on mundane life that would have banged in a completely different way. but as it stands i think trying to do both at the same time detracted from the overall experience.

it feels weird to have them fucking around at the barn when there is something that is going to literally hatch from the earth's crust like an egg and destroy the entire planet and theyre just ignoring it. it feels weird in a different way to have them visit an alien zoo full of human beings and know that the structure of the show means we will absolutely not be taking the time to fully unpack that one. for me this cognitive dissonance really reached its peak an episode where steven explicitly calls his mother a war criminal, but that was a throwaway line because the A plot was that lars, the guy who works at the donut shop, bakes as a hobby and is embarrassed by that. to be perfectly clear i don't think it's impossible to balance more mundane slice of life moments with big adventures to combat existential threats. but whatever that balance looks like is not what steven universe was doing

the owl house on the other hand i don't feel like was ever really willing to commit to a particular vibe long enough to get invested in it. it's trying to be a show about a girl who is a witch's apprentice, but that doesn't really feel quite fully realized because it's also trying to be a show about a Magic School, but we don't spend enough time at the Magic School to get invested in that setting as a framework for the character interactions and narrative events, but then it also starts trying to be this big adventure/questing show. and then before too long luz is the one teaching magic to everyone else? it refuses to really commit to any one thing it's trying and just kind of throws everything at you with out actually getting to spend time with its concepts

in general i also think luz was a weak protagonist. in terms of writing. i think she wasnt given enough meaningful flaws, didn't make enough mistakes, and didn't really have to learn any hard lessons or make decisions that fundamentally went against who she thought she was. her whole thing is basically being Nerdy and Kinda Weird which i think is kind of an outdated substitute for meaningful character writing in the current zeitgeist. im sure she is an absolutely fantastic power fantasy for a lot of 12 year old girls who consider reading books to be their main personality trait and i absolutely do not fault that for existing. i think that's a critical thing to exist and all those 12 year olds really deserve it. but it has no appeal to me as an adult woman who has grown out of that phase, yknow?

i feel like once again the comparison to akko from little witch academia invites itself very easily, and anne from amphibia too, which was also a disney teen girl isekai airing at the same time. i loved both of those two as protags a ton and i think its because they really fumbled repeatedly and went through the wringer in a way luz didn't

[fozmeadows]

hey. i think i'm going through a phase of self-hatred and… I don't know, of believing I'm not capable of anything. would you have any tips or books that approach this from an AFAB/trans perspective so I can cope? (it's not that I hate myself for being trans. I just have insecurities, anxieties and I don't know what to do to stop most things from seeming so discouraging, for lack of a better word.)

I'm sorry you're having a hard time! I don't have any book recommendations, and I'm not exactly an expert, but:

Where possible, try to focus on what you enjoy about the process of an action instead of worrying about the end result. A lot of anxiety comes from privileging a hypothetical future version of yourself ahead of the person you are in the moment, and while it's still good to have goals and aspirations for the future, that doesn't render your present self irrelevant, because that's who you have to be to achieve them.

To give a personal example: late last year, I was really disappointed with how little reading I'd managed to get done in 2023 particularly, but also over the pandemic. I'd bought all these awesome books that I really wanted to read, but I never seemed to get around to starting most of them, and meanwhile, I was spending hours of my life mindlessly doomscrolling Twitter and TikTok, which regardless of anything else is a really good way to depress yourself about the state of the world. So I sat down and thought about it, and I realized that the problem was how much pressure I was putting on myself about reading. I wanted so badly to finish books that I was psyching myself out of starting them in the first place, because each choice had to be Perfect, lest I pick the wrong book at the wrong time and waste twenty minutes or an hour or three reading something I might later set aside. And because I'd subconsciously set the stakes for starting a book so much higher than they needed to be, I'd end up dithering and scrolling social media to delay having to make a high-pressure choice at all.

In other words: I'd become so concerned about Future Foz's hypothetical dislike of a book I was yet to start reading that Present Foz would be scared to start it in the first place. I was forever privileging a version of myself that didn't exist and likely never would over the person I was now, and it was making me wildly unhappy, because it felt like I was failing at something I loved.

So my single New Years' Resolution became: to value myself and my time in the moment. If I catch myself scrolling for too long, I ask myself: is there literally anything else I'd rather be doing right now? Could I start a TV show, or a book, or a game, or write something, or message a friend, or have a bath? It doesn't matter if the activity goes anywhere long term; what matters is that I inevitably get more pleasure out of doing something than not. My time now matters, because I matter.

And suddenly, just from that one change? For the first time in I couldn't even say how long, I've read something every single day this year. In the whole of 2023, I read just 67 books; it's now the 30th of March 2024, and I've already finished 33. By giving myself permission to start things without the pressure to finish them, I'm suddenly finishing way more than when I was telling myself I had to finish everything, and I am vastly happier for it.

Is the world still a burning hellscape that daily makes me want to yeet a solid 80% of elected politicians globally into the sun? Yes. Am I still working on self-improvement in other areas of my life? Yes. Is it magically any easier being trans and queer in the current moment? No. But it helps to focus on who I am now, in this hour, in this minute, instead of worrying so much about whether some future version of me will think I spent this time badly that I don't use it for anything at all.

I don't know if this is helpful to your situation, and if it's not, I apologize for rambling. But it's a little change I've made lately that's helped me a lot, and I hope it might help you, too.

[deansmom]

Everytime I point out that Dean Winchester is autistic, people get mad or look at me like I’ve spontaneously grown a second head, as if this man’s existence isn’t just checking off boxes for the diagnostic criteria

Special interests: westerns, cars, mechanical engineering stuff in general, 1960’s & 70’s music - specifically classic rock, monsters. You’re gonna look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s totally normal for someone who was born in 1979 to have borderline encyclopedic knowledge of two decades of music????? Hundreds of years of monster lore??? — for fuck’s sake, he had a train thing when he was little!!!! Those are special interests!!!!

Restricted diet: it’s mostly for Jokes but dean genuinely doesn’t eat much beyond burgers, diner food and pie.

Dean didn’t speak for months after Mary died and there’s 15 years of canon evidence where he loses his voice during moments of Big Emotions!!! He’s going nonverbal!!!!!!!

Trouble with social cues: literally look at every single instance of Dean trying to interact with strangers, ESPECIALLY in the early seasons. He’s not playing dumb, he just doesn’t get it. Also, watch any scene of this man TRYING to flirt and tell me that he’s any good at it. You know why? That bitch is mimicking the fucking movies and tv shows he grew up watching.

Sensory processing disorder: DO YOU THINK HE WEARS 87 LAYERS FOR FUN???? FOR FASHION????? WHAT DID YOU THINK ALL THE FLANNELS WERE ABOUT. THEY’RE SOFT. Also think about how much he liked the nightgown and the robe. ALSO, ALSO: school!!! It’s loud, it’s smelly, it’s dirty (his germ thing), the lights are too bright, there’s too much sensory input happening at one time. Between being so overwhelmed in school that he couldn’t focus and John pulling him left & right for cases and Sam, no wonder dean dropped out :(

14.04. The comic book episode is an ENTIRE episode about dean and his special interests!!!!!! And his social anxiety, hiding out in his room at the beginning of the episode because of all the strangers in his home 😤

Emotional regulation problems: those angry outbursts?? Destroying the Impala??? LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THATS NOT A MELTDOWN

His whole personality is a mask! He based his whole life and personality around the men he grew up around! John, Bobby, the other hunters - we all know that dean isn’t this rugged manly man he puts on. Sure people can have layers, but my man literally wore his dad’s actual jacket for fucking years

Black & white thinking: this doesn’t need anything else tbh

Strong sense of Justice: “how many people do you have to save?” “All of ‘em. Whole wide world of sports.”

Literal thinking: half the show is about how they both have to learn to look at monsters and not immediately go “monsters bad.” Also literal thinking is hard to explain, but I promise he does this.

Hyperlexic: “what? I read?”

“Too blunt”: all those times you thought “that was kinda harsh Dean” or “wtf that was so mean” - he doesn’t like lying to people when he doesn’t have to!

Hyper empathy: “The baby in the well? My bad.” “I do my best to be brave.” Sacrificing himself for people over and over again. The djinn episode and the speech he makes in front of John’s grave. His whole life he’s been told he cares too much!!!!

As a fellow AuDHD bitch, the most AuDHD thing Dean has ever said was “we know a little about a lot of things. Just enough to make us dangerous.” Also: “I got no idea. But what I do have is a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude, and I’ll figure it out.”

Like I could dive into the nuances of all of these and explain them in great detail and find textual evidence for basically everything, but it’s too early in the morning for that much work when I know that I’m right. Yeah he has adhd, obviously, but I will eat my left hand if that man isn’t autistic.

[sjmgirlie]

You will never be able to convince me that ACOSF was a good book. Let me explain.

1) It was a literal homicide for all the characters. Every. Single. One. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s from Nesta’s pov or what, but seriously, every single character basically became unlikeable? Rhys? Feyre (to an extent)? Cassian? Mor? Amren? Did Nesta really get much better?? Like no one was really likeable. Maybe Az being the only sane one. Elain showed some teeth which I liked but it still wasn’t the best.

2) Where was the plot? You’re telling me she only found troves and then killed one mortal/made queen? Before you argue, the fact we find out about Nesta’s literal powers in another series says a lot. Why didn’t we find out Nesta had silver flame power (WHICH IS THE NAME OF THE BOOK) in said book??????? Make it make sense. This book didn’t move the plot at all. Other than having the troves now. And killing the one crazy queen. The amount of times we were on the stairs was not needed. Nesta is a massive part of this universe, and yes, she can wield the troves. But everyone who is made can. So like what else could she have done? Something more im sure. I mean that’s why I think she was in HOFAS in the first place. To “conquer” the prison, get gwydion as her return of service, and show her powers. I get that the whole starborn thing needed to happen in HOFAS with Bryce but honestly Nesta needed more. And that’s another reason why people think she’s going to get another book, because what even happened in her book????

3) Nessian. Now here me out. Do we like smut? Yes. Do we like it when there’s actual romance involved? Yes. Did we truly get that? No. It’s been a while since I read this book because I just have no desire for a re-read. I’m sorry. But going from “my only regret in this life is that we did not have time. That I did not have time with you Nesta. I will find you in the next life” (ya I basically memorized it because I was kicking my feet at him saying that) to “I didn’t ask to be shackled to you either” after Nesta, a human turned fae, didn’t care about being called a mate? Like? Absolute homicide to Cassian’s character. Was the hike nice? No. Did he say nice things after she passed out? Yes. But like? I just think they deserved a better romance. And I just literally didn’t even know who I was reading when Cassian was involved. The guy that would crack jokes and just was loving? All of a sudden a mean person? To Nesta too? Like idk. It rubbed me the wrong way. They deserved better. The fact people actually want Eris and Nesta means it CLEARLY did not stick. Which means it was not convincing. No one says this about Feysand. They could have been FIREWORKS. But at times it genuinely didn’t feel like Cassian even liked her??? Where was the golden retriever energy? It was like the guy was on steroids the whole time and just blowing a fuse constantly. That was NOT the Cassian I remembered from ACOWAR. I mean idk maybe it was the fact the reluctant mate trope was just too difficult? The fact it started physically wasn’t my favourite either. Then it was so focused on that that it was like okay were are those romantic moments. “You’re not going to marry Eris” “no” “we will have no others” like that was romantic. Then the shackle thing literally happened the next day. Wtf.

4) Did I relate to Nesta’s issues and healing journey? A bit. But I just found it aggravating at times. I felt there was huge potential to dive into what it is to be the oldest sister. More into alot of things tbh. Her holding the line on Ramiel was a great moment, because she could finally protect people she cared about, but I wish that would have been implied more? Her journey seemed like a huge self insert and idk. It wasn’t as amazing as it could have been.

5) Nesta’s redemption? I don’t even like that word. I wanted people to begin to UNDERSTAND Nesta more. Not just be thankful she saved Feyre/Rhys/Nyx. Like a genuine understanding. Does Cassian? Ya I guess. Elain? It’s said she knew everything Nesta did and why. So yes she did. Az? Ya. He was literally the only one who wasn’t an asshole to her at any point lol. And I wouldn’t consider Elain and asshole to her either because she did just stand up for herself finally. Like imagine the comments you’d hear having Nesta as a sister (for real). But did anyone leave understanding Nesta, understanding why she was snarky and rude? No. Idk if that’s the point to create a divide or what. But seriously. I get Nesta to some degree now. Why did the characters not.

6) Nesta gaining friends was nice and I see why people cling to the Valkyrie. That was literally probably the best part of the book. And that’s saying something about the way the romantic pair was executed might I add. We weren’t obsessed with Feyre and Mor and Amren being friends. We were obsessed with Feysand. But the most you hear from ACOSF is about the Valkyrie.

7) Again. I never truly hated Nesta, but I didn’t necessarily love her after this either. I understood the character more, I saw her own dark thoughts, I saw how she felt, and I understood. But was she my favourite? No. I think her appearance in HOFAS, other than showing her powers (????), was to make Nesta more likeable. Because a lot of people still don’t like her. Like I said, I am PRO ARCHERON FOREVER, but I wanted more for Nesta. I wanted a lot for the girl.

8) The dreaded bonus chapter. I’ve said my opinion on this multiple times. Idk. It’s just hate for Elain that drives it tbh. It’s literally a copy and paste of the Nessian one from ACOMAF basically that if you put it in a plagiarism generator it would probably not pass. YET, it has literally desecrated the fandom. Completely. You literally can’t go anywhere without some ship war happening. And ya, I feed into it too being super pro Elriel because I love them. But damn. Imagine if this energy was put into, idk, theories of the plot? We would have figured out the Maas universe by now tbh. I wish it didn’t exist everyday. And to a lot of people it doesn’t, and I envy them. Life was simpler before the “did you read the bonus chapter” fiasco. And tbh I’m pretty sad that SJM hasn’t said a word about it. Or her publisher because it gets way out of line way too often. The actual love triangle has always been set up as Lucien/Elain/Az, and somehow we left the BC with a square??? Idek.

Overall, it just did not do Nesta or Cassian justice in my mind. It created way too many head canons, it made Cassian unlikeable in a lot of ways (why are you calling Mor beautiful?) and it just seriously destroyed a lot of characters.

I’m really hoping in Elain’s book we, idk, make amends finally? If I have to see another toe to toe battle between Nesta and Rhys I’m going to be sick. They are both right in ways, but I just can’t take it anymore. And this is what I mean about Nesta’s story not being one of UNDERSTANDING. Which is what she NEEDED. TO BE UNDERSTOOD. The rudeness, snarky comments, death glares etc just needed to be understood man.

[abitofboth]

even more owen carvour hcs because I’ve got brain worms or something

he got his ears pierced when he was younger, and even though he rarely wears them now, he’ll put studs in every now and then just so the holes won’t close up.

he’s a bit of an insomniac. sleep doesn’t come easy to him and he can spend hours just tossing and turning. half the time he’ll just give up and find something else to do- read a book, go over mission plans, sit at the window with a cigarette and watch the world go by.

a shakespeare snob through and through. he has a quote ready to go for every single situation possible and he doesn’t care how many eyes roll every time he whips one out.

he’s semi-decent at drawing. not the best, but he does have a sketchbook he uses in his downtime that he’ll draw whatever’s in front of him in.

he learnt how to hot wire cars when he was bumming around as a kid. every time he gets the chance to steal a car on a mission it’s like he’s 13 all over again, filled with the thrill of not getting caught.

he thinks mrs mega is maybe the best woman alive. her and her antics entertain him endlessly and he adores how much she loves curt. he hasn’t met her many times, but every time he gets the pleasure of staying at the safe house he finds himself wishing he had a mum like her.

he has a soft spot for barb. every time curt makes a mean passing remark about her he’ll smack him across the arm.

he’s thought about (more often than he’d like to admit) running away with curt. taking them both far from the danger and secrets and living life quietly as just the two of them. (and a cat. his fantasy definitely involves him being with curt and owning a cat. he has two hands for a reason!!)

he never got to meet tatiana before he was in his cunty villain era, but if curt and owen would have found her before the fall in their prime time I just KNOW that they would have been the ultimate team (I literally drew it hehe). owen and tati would have been bitchy best friends and I don’t even doubt it for a second.

he and curt have had so many “romantic” patching up sessions after missions. before they were officially together, there were so many uncertain gentle touches and lingering caresses where they both wish they could say and do more. the moments when there’s been some serious blood loss and things that would normally remain unsaid start slipping out are the moments when the two start realising that they might just feel the same way about each other. (I also literally wrote this hehe :P)

in a similarly trope-y way, there have been so many ‘Whoops! Only One Bed!’ situations. before they got together owen loved being able to sleep curled up right next to his crush (he hates the term ‘crush’ btw), and then after they got together it just gave him an excuse to spoon him all night long.

curt snores. owen hates it.

he can ride motorbikes and he can do it well. he loves when curt rides behind him and clings onto him with his arms around his waist. he drives extra fast to sate curt’s adrenaline junkie tendencies (and he loves the way curt laughs out of pure joy right next to his ear).

if he finds himself being tortured, as spies do, his go to is pretty much get so cocky and smarmy until it pisses off the torturer so much that owen can find an opportunity to overpower them and fight back. works like a charm.

once, he was captured and had his head forced underwater and was threatened with being drowned to death. the whole experience fucked him up for a good while.

regularly gets curt to light his cigarette for him while he’s holding it in his mouth.

every injury the fall gave him is a painful reminder of curt. even years down the line, every time a scar smarts or his knee plays up he’s filled with too many emotions to name.

he doesn’t actually remember a whole lot of the actual fall happening, it’s all very patchy, but he has vivid memories of curt’s horrified face getting further and further away from him as he got closer to the floor.

he learnt how to play an old family violin when he was a kid, and he’s gotten a little rusty over the years but he can still play a pretty tune on one.

he loves late night walks through cities. he thinks it’s the best way to really get to know a place. plus, it’s like he can hide in the shadows for a few hours and be someone other than owen carvour.

he’s a bit of a lightweight when it comes to booze. it doesn’t take many drinks to get him tipsy, and he’ll be full on drunk before you know it. curt can handle alcohol much better than him and has had to drag him away from bars more times than he can count.

he’ll frequently stop to fix curt’s tie and collar if they’re in disguise. everything needs to be perfectly in place or he thinks curt’ll look sloppy and give them away.

when they’re more into their relationship, owen starts buying in coffee to keep in his flat, and curt starts taking tea bags back to america with him every time he visits the uk.

spicy, be warned

post fall he tried sleeping with someone else but he could literally think of nothing but curt the entire time. he was never eager to try again.

if he’s in a submissive mood, he will go nuts if you call him a ‘good boy’. ‘my good boy’ is even better.

if he’s pent up he’ll just unashamedly jerk off in the shower whether he’s alone in there or not.

if he’s feeling particularly decadent and has the time, he’ll touch himself with a cigarette in his mouth and a bottle of wine in his hand.

shotgunning. he’ll take a drag and kiss it into curt’s mouth. they both think it’s hot as fuck.

if truth serum is something at their disposal, he's definitely used it during sex.

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Cut Scene: Texas Campfire Scene

Partly in honour of today being the anniversary of Alex's speech, here's a ramble about another deleted scene: the Campfire scene

This promo still of the scene is the cover picture of the movie on prime

In the final cut of the movie, namely the released version that we got, we get the campfire scene as part of a montage in the speech, but unlike running through the V&A as the sun rises or the forest kiss, I don't think this scene was originally shot as a montage, but as a full scene that got cut for some reason

Henry's Instagram account posted a photo of him from that scene, and he credited Nora as the photographer, so I'm guessing Nora was in this scene. This also suggests that this is an ensemble scene, which might be part of the reason it was cut, but also means it would have been a longer scene, I'm guessing 2.5-4 minutes. (which, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) also Henry posted this the same time Alex posted a photos from the karaoke bar, so I think that counts as confirmation that the campfire is part of the Texas holiday

We don't actually have any context about this scene other than it's most likely part of the Texas holiday: Is this the equivalent scene of the gang in the books chilling when June plays the guitar and Henry and Alex make out (P256-257 of the original print, where "Alex is so in love that he can die" came from, and Holy fuck does Taylor bring that single line to life)? Are they having a barbecue? Or is this just a campfire? We don't actually know at all

Date wise I'm curious: the final release of the movie almost made it seem like it was literally two days: day 1: arrival -> volleyball -> hammock reading -> night at the bar ; day 2: conversation with dad -> Lake -> Henry runs away. Given the campfire is also a night scene, I think this means there's an extra day in the holiday sequence

I can't find the GIF for the montage used in this scene in the speech, but God I love that moment. It's almost like the reverse of the Paris pillow talk: this time Henry's talking about something he's passionate about, and Alex listens

Actually on that note, I wonder if that's the reason it was cut: maybe they tried out two different scenarios of Alex's "God I love him" epiphany, one here and one during the karaoke, and decided that the karaoke worked better for whatever reason. Just a guess, but either way I do really, really want to see this scene

I wonder what Henry/Nick is saying in the scene. He looks so happy talking about whatever it is. If I'm right about this being a full scene, then it's most likely scripted lines, but I could be wrong, which in that case, there's also the possibility of that being Nick ad-libbing in character or ... just Nick, which... is a whole other kind of ... wow. Either way, I really want to hear what he's saying

I swear sometimes I wanna grab Henry by the shoulders and shake him because HOW DID YOU NOT REALIZE HE LOVES YOU TOO??? Oh my God, Taylor's fucking performance, the man is drinking in every sight and sound of Henry like a man lost in a desert. He looks like he's two seconds away from proposing on the spot. I look at how Alex looks at Henry and I want to cry from the sheer amount of love there is in his eyes. What the fuck.

Although I'm confident that we're getting more content including deleted scenes in the future, even just from a studio profit perspective, I'm not confident in them releasing everything we want, and so here I am once again screaming for another deleted scene and a DVD with everything

[jasntodds]

Caving In [Book 1 End]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 15,158

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, canon violence, blood, mentions of injuries (bruising, being shot with a tranquilizer), canon character death, fluff, mentions of torture, mentions of being brainwashed

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: Uh, hi!! It’s the last chapter of book 1 and I just wanna say a very big thank you to all of you who’ve been reading 😭 Your comments have literally kept me posting and have meant so much to me!! I really hope you guys like this chapter!! I will have chapter 1 of book 2 up in 2 weeks and then weekly after that!! lol There’s a longer author’s note at the end about this book and book 2!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary​ and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

The women and you go back to the tower. Donna and Dawn explain what the man told them. They’re planning something, that’s more of the information they got from the guy they “spoke” to. So, the only option, at the moment is to wait and try to come up with a plan to storm CADMUS before they can execute their plan. But, you’ll still need more help because Donna, Dawn, and you don’t have nearly enough power or resources to get you all in and out of CADMUS alive, so you’re all back to waiting.

You spend a lot of the time in the training room throwing knives as you wait. Waiting has to be the worst part of this whole thing. The longer you wait, the more Gar is in danger. Donna and Dawn tried to reassure you that if CADMUS is planning something, that means Gar is at least alive. Sure, that’s good, of course it is but what are they doing to him while he’s alive? As someone who’s been tortured twice, you know that it’s a hell of a lot easier wanting to be dead than tortured. Gar is strong but it’s not fair. It shouldn’t have been him.

After a few hours, you take a break and head to the kitchen, hoping for an update from Donna and Dawn, but as you walk in, the elevator doors open revealing Jason. A rush of relief floods you as a warm smile splits your face with the sight of him. You waste no time in walking up to him just as he exits the elevator. Jason can’t help the smile that comes to his face as he sees you. He can’t even believe how much he’s missed you. It’s been a week. But, you wrap your arms around his neck and he feels warm again. The hollow feeling in his chest starts to fill with adoration as he wraps his arms around your waist. Jason Todd is not much of a hugger but he’d take a hug from you any day.

“Miss me?” Jason quips as you pull away, his eyes landing on the bruise on your cheek. It looks a lot worse in person.

“Eh, a little.” You shrug one of your shoulders, looking to the ground and back to him. “Thank you for coming, Jay.”

“Yeah,” Jason’s eyes look up and back to you. “You’d do the same for me, so would Gar.”

“You came.” Donna states as she comes around the hall, Dawn on her right.

“I’m here for Gar.” Jason’s tone switches and he’s, rightfully, still a little bitter about what happened.

“Thank you for coming, Jason.” Dawn offers him a kind smile and Jason just nods, looking back to you.

“Well, I’m gonna go fill him in.” You give the women a gentle smile. "Unless...there's an update?"

"No," Dawn shakes her head sadly. "You can fill him in."

You let out a sigh, nodding your head and chewing the inside of your cheek. You grab Jason's hand and tug him along with you, passing past the women, and head to the training room. Jason catches you still limping slightly and he figured the fight with CADMUS was bad but you clearly got hurt. He kind of gets why you were so insistent that night with Deathstroke. It’s different seeing each other injured at the hands of someone, now that you know each other.

You take a seat on the floor and Jason follows your lead, just as you both did that night just a few months before. You extend your legs in front of you while Jason extends his left leg, his right leg bent up and his foot planted on the floor. Both of your hands rest on the floor behind you.

It feels a little weird being back. The tower is feels empty, sure, but it’s kind of like it’s haunted. A cruel reminder of everything Jason isn’t, of everything he could have been but failed at being. It’s not reassuring or comforting or welcoming, but he looks at you, and he’s glad he came, if only for a night or two.

“Spill your guts.” Jason grins at you because of course, he remembers what he told you that night.

“Ha-ha, you’re hilarious.” Your eyes widen before your sad smile drops. “Well, CADMUS attacked and we did not stand a chance.” You let out a dry laugh. “Like, they just kept coming in. Gar transformed and uh, we were in the kitchen so I started grabbing knives, got a few of them.”

“Good.” Jason scoffs.

“Yeah, but uh, they shot me with a tranquilizer?” You roll your eyes. “I don’t really remember much. Just, Gar in front of me and not a tiger anymore. I woke up and they were gone. I called you, then Dick, then Kory. Then everyone else, but Donna was the only one that called back. She showed up a few hours later. Then she got a call from Rachel saying she was in danger or something so we went to this diner? Bruce showed up?”

“Why the fuck was Bruce there?”

“I have no fucking idea? He set it up, I guess? I have no idea. So, uh, Dick got himself arrested.”

Jason lets out a booming laugh. “No shit? Goody fucking toe-shoes Dicky Grayson got arrested?”

“Yep! So, Rachel wanted to rescue Dick first and I wanted to rescue Gar first.”

“Why the fuck would you rescue Dick? He put himself there.”

“That’s what me and Donna said!” You yell dramatically. “So, we argued about it and she made me really mad so I punched her in the face.”

Jason has a smile of disbelief crossing his lips. He would never hit Rachel outside of sparring, especially after she almost killed him but he’s surprised you did. He knows she must have really gotten under your skin if you’re the one throwing punches first. And, he is very curious what exactly Rachel could have said that finally got you to snap especially since you said you aren’t normally the one to throw punches.

“Over Gar and Dick?” Jason questions with the nod of his head.

“Well, I--no, like there was more to it. I don’t know. She was throwing shit in my face and I said she was a wounded puppy.” You start explaining, Jason unable to control his laughter. He knows it’s true but he would have killed to have seen the look on Rachel’s face. “So, she said that I was because I was mad about the stuff that happened with you and this was after she tried to tell me what I was going to do, save Dick and not Gar.” You roll your eyes as Jason’s laughter subsides and it clicks.

The last straw for you was a comment about him? He knows he means something to you because you’ve said it a thousand times and you make it so obvious, even Jason can’t miss it. But, he didn’t think you’d still be fighting over him when he’s not around. It means more to him than he’ll ever say.

“You punched her because she called you a wounded puppy?” Jason raises his brows.

“Well….” Your eyes look to the side and then up, as if to be in thought before you land back on Jason who has one of his devious smirks. “Yeah, I guess. Like, she was so…” You scrunch your nose as you shake your head. “She also implied I was self-absorbed.” Jason’s face scrunches and he swears you’re one of the least self-absorbed people he’s ever met. Has Rachel not met the rest of the Titans? “And then!” You say dramatically. “She kept going after I punched her. She said that Gar deserves better and that you left me and for 'Deathstroke’s daughter'." You mock the way Rachel said. “It was so fucking stupid.”

“That’s fucking shitty. Who the fuck does she think she is? She chose Dick over Gar but he deserves better than you? There’s no one better than you.” The comment leaves Jason’s lips so quickly he barely even catches he said it. You eye him carefully but choose to brush over the comment. It’s not right to dig into that right now.

“I mean, she has a point and I told her that.” You let out a laugh. “It’s true, I’m not delusional enough to think otherwise but, that’s not the point. It’s not her fucking business.” You shake your head. “And you left for your own reasons and it was shitty to say like you weren’t even there.” Your brows raise as your eyes go wide. “So, her and Kory went to break Dick out of prison, I guess and we came here to come up with a plan to save Gar, Conner, and Krypto. That’s what ya missed.”

“Shit, fuck Rachel. She's not even worth it.” Jason lets out a huff. He really did miss a lot. “You guys think of a plan?”

You shake your head. “Donna and Dawn have the blueprints to CADMUS but they haven’t figured out how we’re going to break in and then out without getting ourselves killed.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they have security up the ass.” Jason sighs. “Could Trojan Horse it.”

You let out a laugh. “Yeah? And how do you suggest we pull that off?”

“I have no fucking idea.” Jason laughs with you. “It’s better than nothing.” Jason leans forward slightly, extending his arm dramatically.

“Right, but we don’t wanna die tonight.” You shake your head. “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out though.” You suck in a breath.

You furrow your brows with the shake of your head and talking about Gar, the lack of plan, it’s making things a little too heavy. There’s the guilt of it all and the trauma still haunting the back of your head because of Jerry and Deathstroke. You feel like Gar might be going through worse right now and it’s a little much. You’ve had nothing to do for two days now besides think about it. You’re tired of thinking. And you’re tired of the guilt wrapping itself around your bones like barbed wire. A distraction would be nice right about now.

“Can we…talk about something else? Just been thinking about what they could be doing to Gar and it’s just…” You look at Jason and you don’t have to say it. He knows.

Jason’s worried about you. When Dick brought Rose back, you had a nightmare, that’s why you ended up in Gar’s room. You were weird, you said it was too much that brought everything back that you had went through. It made it all real again. Gar just got kidnapped and you’re worried he’s being tortured. Jason can only imagine the hell you’re putting yourself through because of it and the hell your own mind is putting you through bringing all of that shit back up again. So, he’s worried you’ll be the next one on the ledge.

“How’re you and Gar? Well, before this shit happened.” Jason asks, picking a topic he thinks might cheer you up. Maybe you’ll have a story, something fun that happened.

“Um…” You look down and back to him, shrugging a shoulder. That’s not what you want to talk about either but you’ll go along with it for now. “Like, we’re…friends.” You nod at him and Jason’s brows furrow.

He thought for sure one of you would say something to each other, especially with you being alone here. He expected Gar to say something, not necessarily you. But that does explain, kind of, the lucky comment from earlier.

“Did you pussy out of--”

“Shut up.” You groan. “No,” You shake your head, eyes narrowing at him. “I…I don’t know.” You chew the inside of your cheek and you don’t know how to explain you and Gar aren’t a thing because you chose Jason. That it’s him and it always has been. Jason just had this thing blow up with Rose and Gar is in trouble. Having some discussion about that, does not seem very fair. And Jason is watching you with a brow knitted inward, knowing something is going on. It can’t be that complicated of an answer. So, you pick a different direction that isn’t a lie, really. “I don’t think we’d work and I’m not gonna do that to him or me.”

“Why not?” Jason asks. “That you wouldn’t work?”

He’s confused. The two of you were fine, seemed like you might go for something when he left and now, nothing. It seems a little weird to him and he thinks you would work. Why wouldn’t you? And he hates that a part of him might even be relieved by it. It might be a little selfish, but it’s true.

“Gar is ya know, Gar. It’s like…nothing can ever keep him down. He’s always happy and kind and fun. Always and I am not those things, which is fine. It’s not me. But, because of that, even as friends, sometimes I feel a bit like a burden to him.”

It’s not a lie because it’s true. You know Gar isn’t making you feel like a burden, but you feel that way anyway. You’re really different and that’s fine and great, it’s one of the reasons you work as friends. He mellows you out. But, it is one of the reasons you know you like Jason more. On top of your feelings for Jason, it wouldn’t be fair to try and see where it goes with Gar if you’ll always feel like a burden to him. It’s not fair to either of you.

Jason shakes his head. “You’re not a burden.” His words are slow and he still has a look of confusion.

He still has no idea why that change happened in the last week and not...any other time before that. The only thing that happened in that time, aside from the attack, was the stuff with him and the other Titans. And maybe he’s actively convincing himself that is just a coincidence. 

“Yeah, but it feels that way because it feels like he’s sorted through all of his trauma and then I still have this shit I didn’t deal with. And I can’t…do that with him because he talks and that’s great, right? It works for him and it helps me but….I also sometimes can’t talk about it. You get it and I know you do. I’m reckless and despite what we learned from Deathstroke, I gotta feeling that’s not always gonna stop me from doing something insane later. It’s…I feel like he wants to fix me but not that it’s anything that he’s doing or saying or anything like that. It’s a me problem, not a Gar problem, like, maybe he thinks sorting out my shit will make me better in a way that I’m not meant to be. It happened and I think I’m permanently fucked up from it. I know he is not trying to fix me but I feel that way anyway. I don’t know, feel a bit like damaged goods.”

Jason gets it. His entire life he’s felt like damaged goods but he’s looking at you with a deep bruise you’re only wearing because you’d go to war for people you care about. That’s not someone who’s just damaged goods. And Jason swears he’ll do everything in his power to make sure you know that.

“You’re not damaged goods.” Jason states and he doesn’t have his signature smirk. “Going through that shit doesn’t make you damaged or some shit. You’re still you.”

“Mmm.” You hum and you gain this sad smile, dodging his eyes. “Yeah, but, uh, it-it, uh it feels like it anyway.”

“Not to me.” Jason shrugs and he said it on purpose. It doesn’t matter to him what you go through or that you’ll always be reckless, always looking for the next thrill because he’ll always do the same. You’re not damaged goods, not to him.

Your face softens and your stomach flips. That’s why it’s always been him. You don’t feel damaged with him. “That’s awfully nice of you, Jay.”

Jason gives you a cheeky grin. “I can be nice.”

You let out a laugh and you swear everything is a little bit better with him around. “Yeah, you can be.” You offer him a thankful smile. “Thanks for coming.”

“You and me.” Jason repeats what you normally say to him and you swear your heart is about to burst into flames.

“You and me.” You let out a sigh, looking down and then back to him. It’s enough about you. “Seriously, you okay about Rose? I know you really liked her.”

Jason knows Rose is going to be a sore spot for a little while. He just feels so betrayed. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve it or why she wouldn’t have just told him. Had she just told him, maybe he wouldn’t have been nearly as mad or upset about it. So, it sucks but he knows he’ll be fine. He has been with every other person that’s betrayed him and mistreated him. He’s used to it.

Jason nods. “Yeah, I’ll be alright. Just fucking sucks. Got me feeling a bit like damaged goods.” Jason lets out a laugh, an almost teasing grin tugging at his lips before it falls. “Ya know, like, I tried really hard with her. Taking her out, showing her that school I told you about, acts of service type shit.” Jason’s eyes widen. “And she treated me like shit, pushing me away, lying to me, using me. Sleeping with me and knowing she was fucking lying the whole damn time.” Jason grits his teeth getting angry about it all over again. “Nothing I did was fucking good enough even when I tried.”

You were hoping you were wrong about Rose. Truly, you didn’t even dislike her until the day they left. It was a bad day for everyone but you were right and you wish so badly you weren’t. Jason doesn’t deserve any of that. He’s already gone through too much shit, especially over the last two weeks.

“You don’t deserve it. You put in a lot of effort, you trusted her. That shit, that’s on her. She gets to live with what she did to you. She doesn’t deserve you. She gets to live with the fact she’s the one that fucked it all up, not you. You deserve so much fucking better, Jay. It was enough, she just fucking sucks.” You let out a scoff before looking back to him. “And you’re not damaged goods.” You give him a kind smile. “Not to me.” Jason could never be damaged goods to you.

Jason chuckles softly, his cheeks starting to tint a faint shade of pink, his heart throbbing into his vocal cords. “Thanks.” Jason smiles softly at you and it should have been you he left with. “You’re good at that.”

Your brows furrow. “Good at what?”

“Knowing what to say.”

Your cheeks start to burn. “Just being honest with you.” You rub your eye, wincing from the pain.

Jason scoots closer to you, you keep your hands firmly on the ground, watching him with suspicion. Jason reaches forward, turning your head as he holds your chin to get a look at the bruise and your skin is on fire, tingling under his touch. Your heart is in your throat and your breath is caught right at the base of your throat. This is new. And Jason just wants to look at it, make sure your cheek isn’t broken. He’s been a hit a time or several there and it’s always unpleasant. And this bruise looks really deep, he tells himself he’s just making sure you’re actually okay. Physically. But it gets his blood warming with the idea another person caused it.

“What’d they hit you with?” Jason’s voice is lower this time, dropping his hand.

“Butt of a gun, fucking assholes.” You scoff, your voice on the verge of breathy as you try to ignore the fire in your stomach. “Shit hurt.”

Jason chuckles softly, leaning back on his hands. “Yeah, that’ll do it.” He shakes his head. “Sure it’s not broke?”

You shrug. “I have no idea. Probably not, my face isn’t deformed or anything. Doesn’t hurt that bad.”

“Did you ice it?” Jason asks and you find it a little cute and very cute he’s asking about it.

“No,” You laugh and Jason groans. “I was icing my damn leg. That is the shit that hurts.”

“Yeah, what’s that about? You’re the one limping now.” Maybe he regrets leaving. Maybe he could have helped, in some way.

“That’s where I was shot with the tranquilizer.” You roll your eyes. “The bruise is like half the size of my thigh.”

Jason cringes at the thought of it. “Ouch.” Jason shakes his head. “You sure you’re alright?”

You smirk at him and he’s cute when he’s being protective. He should do it more often. “You trying to take care of me, Jay?” Maybe you’d let him if he offered. You take care of him.

Jason's cheeks shoot red as his eyes look to the ceiling and back to you, doing his best to ignore his heart in his ears. “Someone should.” Jason lets his words out sarcastically but of course he is. Always.

You suck on your teeth and you’re trying so hard not to give him the satisfaction of a genuine smile, but you can’t help it. You fucking missed him. “Yeah, same for you.” Your eyes widen at him as you rest your head on his knee. “I’m fine, thank you though. Honest, just hurts still. How’s your leg?”

“All good.” Jason smiles down at you and he swears that can’t possibly be comfortable. “Doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“Good.” Your smile is soft and Jason swears the ache in his chest from Rose doesn’t hurt so much with you.

Jason debates in his head. He’s not gonna say anything, that is for certain. He thought Rose wouldn’t be like that. Rose went through some really horrible shit, her own dad cut out her eye. Jason kind of thought because of that, she’d get him…kind of like you do. He wouldn’t feel less than or not good enough because she’d get it. But, she…treated him like everyone else but worse because he really, really let her in ways he doesn’t normally. And she screwed him over anyway. Everything with them was actually fine at the tower but they get away from it all, from the Titans and people, it’s just them and then…she keeps lying to him and using him. You are not Rose, but, there is a part of him that thinks maybe the same exact shit would happen because why wouldn’t it?

But, his mind wanders back to you kissing him anyway. Maybe it’s an easy distraction from worrying about Gar. But, he thinks about it and his reasoning of not wanting you to die for him and ruining you like he ruins everyone. And you’re looking at him with soft eyes he doesn’t think he deserves it because he left. Because he turned you down. Because he tries to pushes you away, even if he isn’t very good at it. And he debates if any of that was ever the right decision. So, he decides that testing the waters a little, will ease his mind.

“So,” He furrows his brows and dodges yoru eyes for a second. “You and Gar, just…not gonna be a thing?”

You smirk at him, picking your head up and he’s got that coy look he gets when he’s trying to play something off and failing miserably. “Why? Does that pique your interest, Jay?” You’re back to the asking game and that feels comfortable. There’s no pressure in it.

Jason shrugs one shoulder. “Nope.” He tries his best to wipe the grin from his face but he can’t help it.

“Mhm, okay. Whatever you say, birdboy.” You lick your lips. “Nah, not gonna be a thing.” You want to mess with him a little. You’ve missed that a lot. “Kind of into someone else anyway.” You scrunch your nose and Jason snaps his eyes at you, a devious look in his eyes.

“Yeah? And who's that?” There's a teasing smirk on his face while his tone is taunting, as if knowing you’re not going to tell him or that you’ll have some bullshit answer just to mess with him.

You shrug dramatically. “We should join the others.” You have an uncontrollable smirk on your lips and Jason is ready to burst.

“You’re not gonna fucking tell me? Just gonna leave me hanging?” Jason chuckles, his eyes wide.

“We don’t always get what we want, Jason Todd.” You let a laugh fall from your lungs and Jason swears it should have been you.

“Yeah? And what do you want?” Jason cocks his head to the right, taunting you.

A part of you almost blurts it right out, get it out in the open despite better judgment. A part of you almost blurts out to see the look on his face. He’ll get flustered and red will creep from his cheeks down to his neck. His muted forest green eyes will suddenly be a shade closer to the northern lights and you’ll have a good laugh and maybe you’ll get what you want. But, you can’t bring yourself to do it. He just had that with Rose and is still hurt by it. You both have Gar to worry about it and you think it might be shitty if you show up to rescue him and you’ve had this inevitable conversation. And what if he’s fucking with you? Like always. What if, despite everything, he still doesn’t want you? You want him, and you swear you probably always will, but what if he still doesn’t want you? That’s gonna hurt, too. So, you shake your head and decides you’ll tell him but not now. You do, however, decide to have a different conversation.

“Okay, seriously,” You drop the smile and Jason leans forward slightly. “Been thinking about it a little, between worrying about Gar and stuff, the Titans leaving and shit.” You start and Jason is hanging onto every word. He has no idea where this is going. “I wanna go home.”

Jason freezes, the conversation taking a turn. Home? “Like Gotham?” His brows shoot up and he’s not even sure why he’s surprised. You always call Gotham home.

You nod your head softly, chewing the inside of your cheek. “Yeah, uh, I haven’t said anything to anyone. But, yeah. I miss it and honestly, I think it’s just….I like it here and everything. It’s just…I would like to go back and kind of figure out myself. Dick rescued me and I’ll always appreciate that and never forget it. He gave me a shot here and that’s awesome but, I was thrown into this and I think I just…need to go back and find a part of myself again.”

“What do you mean?”

Between everything that’s happened, being here is a lot. At the end of the day, this is the city Jerry bought you to and kept you locked away, tortured you. This is the city that gave you powers you don’t even want. This is the tower that saw you paranoid, waking up screaming from nightmares. Burning Gar. This is the city where you were kidnapped and nearly murdered by Deathstroke. This is the tower that was supposed to be safe, but was attacked anyway. There is so much hidden in these walls, beyond just you that’s impacted everything. You like to run when things get hard and things are really fucking hard right now. You want to go home, a place that you know like the back of your hand. Gotham is always going to be Gotham, but it’s where you’ve always felt the most comfortable and…somehow, safest. And Gotham holds parts of you that are not here. You believe that home is where the heart is but you left part of your heart in Gotham and you want that back.

“I will never be who I was before. But I would like to find some of those parts again. My mom is buried in Gotham. I was…happy there though. Despite fucking everything, I was still happy. And…I…I don’t know.”

“Are you not happy here?”

“No, I am but…it’s different. It might just be the trauma.” You let out a scoff. “But, I was happier there and I just…want to go home. So fucking much,” Your breath is shaky as your brows furrow. “So fucking much has happened in this city and….honestly, I only stayed because I couldn’t abandon Gar. I couldn’t leave him alone and I thought not running, for once, would be good but….” You look to the ground before pulling your legs to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs and then looking back to Jason. “More shit just happened and…” You let out a breath. “I’m tired, Jay.”

You look tired. You aren’t smirking or grinning at him. Your eyes are dull and you literally look tired and sad. Jason’s chest aches looking at you and he worries a little bit more about you. The ghosts that roam the tower, do more than affect the original Titans. They affect everyone who lives here, on top of their own ghosts that want to follow and taunt them. If anyone in this place deserves to be happy, it would be you.

“Where would you go?” Jason questions and he knows you’re impulsive but he's got a feeling this is something you’ve been thinking about over the last week.

You shrug. “Figure it out.” You let out a broken laugh. “Did before and CPS can’t do shit now, so.” You let out a deep breath, tugging the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands.

Jason would be lying if the thought of asking you to come to Gotham with him didn’t cross his mind when you said you and Gar were a no-go. It was less than a split second but he knew he’d never be able to ask. There’d be no way he’d put that on you, going back to the shitshow of Gotham. But, if you want to do it anyway…

Jason pulls his other leg to his chest, resting his forearms on his knees. “Okay, are you really wanting to do it? Like, no bullshit or whatever. You wanna go back to Gotham?”

You nod. “Mhm. Too heavy here right now.” You dodge your stare to Jason’s hands, catching a glimpse of faint bruising on his knuckles.

Jason gives you an understanding nod. “Want me to talk to Bruce?" The words flow from his mouth like a gentle river, easy and smooth.

Your heart stops in your chest as you snap your eyes to Jason’s. “What? Talk…to Bruce?”

Jason nods. “Not letting your ass go back to the streets. If you’re fucking serious about going back to Gotham, I can talk to Bruce. I know you don’t like him, but it’s a roof over your head, a warm bed, food. In Gotham.”

You adore him. That’s the only thing that’s running through your head. It’s running over and over and over, on loop like a broken record. You adore him for everything he is and everything he isn’t. Asking Bruce, is something you never thought he would do. That is his thing. More so than even reading seems to be because that’s where he’s Robin. But, he offers anyway.

And he offers because he’ll always take care of you. And keep you safe. No matter what.

“You’d really do that?”

“Hell yeah.” Jason gives you a grin, the beating of his heart stutters. “Be more fun if you were there anyway.” Jason shrugs.

“Thank you, Jay.” You smile softly. “I’d really like that.”

“I’ll talk to him, sure he’ll be fine with it. You know he likes strays.” Jason gives you a cheeky grin and you let out a laugh, looking down and then back to him. Jason is relieved you’re okay with it. Maybe even a little thrilled.

“Yeah, when are you gonna start plucking strays? Bruce then Dick, you’re next Batboy.” You point a finger at him and you think he might be good at it, better than Bruce and Dick.

Jason lets out a groan, tilting his head back. “That's the meanest shit you’ve ever said to me.”

Your laugh booms off the walls and Jason’s heart nearly melts through his ribs. “I think it’s probably their best quality!”

Jason’s never felt this before. Not exactly the heart thundering and stuttering or the clammy hands or cheeks aching from smiling too much. But, the comfort he feels with you. The ease of how the conversation moves between you, how it goes from serious to banter to serious, so easily. He’s never had that with anyone before. You’re both worried about your best friend but with each other, you find your own way to deal with it and handle it rather than training yourselves into the ground while waiting. Jason has never felt so comfortable in a place he does not feel welcomed and it’s because of you. He is so sure of that.

Just then, Donna walks in, gathering yours and Jason’s attention.

“Kory and Rachel are here, we’re gonna try to come up with a plan.” Donna states.

“No Dick?” You ask and Donna shakes her head, a look of annoyance on her face.

“Do not say anything.” Donna warns and Jason gains a grin before getting to his feet. “Either of you, please.”

“I won’t, just asking.” You defend while Jason extends a hand to you.

“I don’t have shit to say to her.” Jason lets out a scoff.

You grab his hand and get to your feet. The two of you follow Donna to the kitchen where Dawn and Kory are standing at the center counter and Rachel is seated on the same countertop. Jason and you head to the opposite side of Kory while Donna stands between you and Dawn.

“You’re back.” Rachel states with confusion as she looks at Jason.

“Was told you guys needed the help.” Jason deadpans and he also doesn’t want to deal with Rachel right now.

“Okay, well, we have news about Dick.” Kory states before Rachel can respond.

Rachel and Kory go off to explain that Dick wasn’t in his cell. He must have escaped with the other prisoners or something. Again, you sit there thinking about how you were right and Rachel was wrong about this. Dick could handle himself. He went off to wallow in his own self-pity and now he’s free. It’s like you thought would happen. But, you listen anyway as they get to the weirder stuff about Dick writing on his cell walls that Jericho is alive.

“Well, one thing’s for sure. He’s clearly lost his mind.” Donna says.

“But, I keep having these dreams about Dick being killed by Deathstroke.” Rachel says as she’s seated with her legs crossed on the counter. “And they’re going away. We need to do something about that.”

Jason shifts his weight to his left leg as he crosses his arms. You watch his jaw clench and you know he wants to say something so you move a little closer to him, your arm resting against his. When he looks at you with a quirked brow, you offer him a faint but calm smile. It’s not worth it. You have Gar to worry about not Rachel’s dreams and Dick escaping prison. He’ll be fine.

“I believe you.” Donna says. “But we have bigger problems right now.” Donna flips the case of the iPad open, showing blueprints of the CADMUS building.

“Okay, what’s the plan?” Rachel lets out a sigh and you bite your tongue.

Now that Rachel got to do what she wanted, now she’s on board with saving Gar. You can feel your blood wanting to boil. It’s just so ridiculous and it’s not even like you can say anything because you’ll just argue again and you’re tired of arguing and fighting. So, you bite your tongue and Jason catches you stiffen next to him. It’s his turn to give you a nudge and shake his head. You grin at him and jerk your head toward the women where you stand Donna and Dawn, furthest away from Rachel so you can still see what’s going on.

"Well, the main CADMUS building closes at 9 and security drops down to 10. There's two at each gate and then six roaming inside." Kory explains.

"Okay, what about the lab?" Donna asks as she zooms in.

"Whole different story." Dawn says. "It's a twenty-four-hour operation and in the last week, they've doubled up the guard. Four six-hour shifts, 10 bodies around the clock. Sounds like that's where the party's at."

"Okay, well, let's crash it." Donna says.

"Finally." You let out a sigh.

"It's about damn time." Jason lets out a scoff.

"Oh, so we're just gonna break in CADMUS and get Conner and Gar out of there. Just the six of us?!" Rachel questions.

"Do you have a better idea?" You quip, unable to hold your tongue.

"We don't have a choice right now, okay?" Donna states. "But, between you and Kory, we have plenty of firepower. At least to get us through the front door."

"About that, I've got some bad news." Kory says, gaining everyone's attention. "My powers have vanished."

"Yeah, that tracks." You mutter and it's just one thing after the other here.

"What do you mean?" Donna asks.

"I don't know. I don't know what happened. But they're gone and I haven't been able to get them back." Kory states, frustration in her voice.

"Well, that's fucking great." Donna sighs. "What about you?" Donna asks Rachel.

"Fully loaded but I can't promise that I....won't go a little bit overboard." Rachel rushes her words slightly. "Um, things have been getting a little...dramatic."

Donna looks to you. "How about you?"

"All good and ready to go." You offer her a thumbs-up.

Just then, there's an alert on the iPad. Everyone who can see the iPad starts reading.

"A disturbance at Golden Gate Park. Units responding." Kory reads out loud. "People are injured. Reports of a wild animal."

"Phase two." Rachel states, her voice uneasy. Donna had texted Kory with updates on what they found out from the CADMUS guy and their lack of plan. "It's already begun."

The room falls silent for just a few seconds before everyone starts moving. Jason, Donna, and Dawn grab their suits, you grab a backpack and a change of clothes for Gar, while Kory, and Rachel head downstairs. It only takes you, Jason and the other women a few minutes to get ready and meet at the elevator. Jason hands you one of his helmets and you almost laugh as you take it from him. Of course, you're taking the bike.

"We'll follow you guys." Jason states, getting on the bike, kicking the kickstand up while you get on the back.

"You sure?" Donna asks, the other women already piling into the SUV.

"We'll be fine." You assure her, popping the helmet on, Jason doing the same and sliding down the face shield.

Donna doesn't say anything else before walking off to the SUV. Donna starts driving, moving past Jason and you.

"Hold on." Jason states and you grip his waist tightly before Jason shifts the bike into first and pulls the throttle.

Jason and you follow the SUV closely, keeping the drive silent despite the com system that’s also connected to the SUV. You're both on edge going into this. Gar is your friend. Neither of you want to hurt him. You know you will not do it, no matter what. He's a tiger. All of you together, should be able to stop him without any major problems. But, you’re worried anyway and Jason knows there's a chance you won't have a choice. Bruce trained him and Dick to be prepared if they get brainwashed. Bruce went over what can happened, what being brainwashed can make them do. It can be nearly impossible to stop someone. The last thing Jason wants to do is hurt his friend, again. But, if you're all given choice he knows he'll have to be the one to do it because he wouldn't let you. So, you both stay in your heads until the SUV comes to a sudden stop with an explosion, Jason almost running right into it as the bike swings sideways.

"What the fuck?" Jason yells out.

"Deathstroke. Get down!" They can hear Donna yell through your com systems.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You groan, ducking into Jason as the sound of constant gunfire echoes around the alley.

Jason looks over at you and for a second, he thinks about leaving. He could get you both out of there completely unscathed. You're hidden behind the SUV and you're not too far into the alleyway. You could take another alley safely, get to Gar. Jason debates it, knowing that with Deathstroke's constant firing, none of you will be able to get close anyway. But, that's backing down and you're supposed to be a team. But, then he come back to you whose grip on him in nearly suffocating and he hears a yelp from in from of you. Jason peaks up to look inside the SUV, seeing Kory's the one who was just shot.

"We have to do something, Jay. We're literally sitting ducks." You yell over the gunfire.

"I know!" Jason yells back and he swears if it weren't for the whole Deathstroke dropping him from a skyscraper problem, he'd have a decision already and you'd both be fine. But, ever since, his head isn't in it and he can't think straight in these situations. The fear of it is almost paralyzing.

"Y/n, Jason, are you two okay?" Dawn yells over the gunfire.

"We're fine." You say back. "Besides the gunfire. What do we do?"

But then, someone jumps from a building and onto the roof the SUV, the gunfire coming to a halt. You and Jason look up to see some random person in a blue and black suit just standing there.

"Who the fuck is this freak now?" Jason sounds absolutely exasperated.

The two of you watch as he flips dramatically and effortlessly off the car.

"You can take the boy out of the circus but you can't take the circus out of the boy." You mutter and you hear Jason chuckle softly, looking back at you.

"Really?"

"He just flipped off the car to Deathstroke, I mean."

Of course, it's Dick. For some reason, that makes perfect sense in the world of insanity you're all currently living in. The two of you flip your face shields up, leaning up to watch through the back of the SUV. Dick starts fighting Deathstroke and holds his own just fine now. Everyone watching is stuck in a state of confusion watching this whole exchange happen. How did Dick even know where to find all of you?

"Who's been hit?" Dick asks.

"Kory." Rachel says.

"You take care of her. I'll take care of him. Jason, Y/n, you two get out of here and get to Gar and Conner. This is my fight." Dick says.

Jason looks back at you and he is not a fan of listening to Dick but, you are sitting ducks back here and at this rate, you'll never make to Gar. So, he puts down his face shield and you follow his lead, gripping his waist tightly before he swings the bike around and peels off in the opposite direction.

When you arrive at the carnival, it's absolute chaos when you get there. Some people are intrigued by a green tiger and others are seeking shelter by leaving or trying to hide out. The two of you spot injured people trying to flee as fast as they can. There’s a sense of unease as you make your way traveling in the direction of the screams. It’s just the two of you, knowing you have to face Gar, your best friend. That’s not something either of you really want to do, ever.

You and Jason spot Gar and Conner from a few yards away. Gar starts attacking Conner, latching onto his arm and Conner is completely unphased. The two of you have a sense of dread. Of course, you knew the report was true. Gar was attacking people but maybe you both had a little bit of hope it wouldn't be this bad. But, for Gar to attack Conner, shit is very not good. And Jason's jaw clenches because he's worried he's too far gone. Gar doesn't eat meat, he doesn't hurt people. And here he is attacking someone who's supposed to be his friend, according to you. And you watch as Conner throws Gar effortlessly twenty yards away and into one of the rides.

"You get Gar." Jason looks at you taking a few steps forward.

One of you is going to need to deal with Gar while the other handles Conner. You can’t solely focus on one of them until the other Titans show up. Jason at least has the experience. And you know about animals.

"Are you insane? He's half Superman." You groan. With Dick showing up and having the other Titans, surely the fight with Deahtstroke can’t take too long and they’ll be here soon.

"Yeah? The fuck you think he's gonna do? Just let Gar go? Not finish him off? You go and I'll distract him."

You shake your head and you hate the idea. You aren't sure how you’re supposed to unbrainwash him. No one exactly prepared you for any of this. And Jason going against Conner sounds terrible. Conner had no issues throwing Gar like a ragdoll and he's at least a tiger and a meta-human. Jason, while he might be Robin, is still just human.

"Look," Jason walks over to you, putting his hands on your shoulders. "Bruce said we need hear traumatic shit to pull us back. That's how he trained us." Jason explains and you want to know who the hell is letting Bruce Wayne train kids? Letting them relive their trauma. "Not sure if it'll fucking work because he should be listening to himself say all that but," Jason shrugs. "Worth a shot." Jason looks over to Conner and then back to you. "If shit gets messy, do something. I trained you, you'll be fine." Jason offers you a smirk that doesn't have the same snarkiness behind it.

"Not me I'm worried about."

"I'm--"

"Robin, yeah, yeah, yeah." You roll your eyes. "Don't do anything fucking stupid, Jay."

Jason gives you a grin, pulling his hands away as he starts walking backwards. "I never do anything stupid."

You nod your head, blinking your eyes slowly at him. He's gonna get his ass handed to him.

You reluctantly let Jason do his thing while you make your way over to Gar. You’re not willing to start telling him stories about the shit he's been through, not without trying something else. If hearing it from himself is supposed to work but not hearing it from you, maybe you telling him good things will work. The opposite.

"Gar?" You kneel down in front of him and you swear your mom is screaming at you from beyond the grave. Tigers are wild animals, not pets and they will eat you. But, this is Gar.

Gar growls at you, lifting his head weakly.

"It's me." You’re cautious. "I know you're in there." You avoid looking directly into his eyes, unsure of how his animal instincts work, especially right now. "Remember when Dick brought me to the tower? You were the first person I talked to and you were so excited because I was watching The Goonies?" You give him a smile. "You brought me pizza. And you, uh, you walked with me around the tower when I thought Jerry was there. Remember when we had a Nerf war against Dick and he got us back? Or that time Jason turned him blue? Or when I beat you at Mario Kart because I messed up your controller? Or when you showed me Resident Evil and you rambled about it for 2 hours.” You let out a soft laugh as you try to think of more things that have happened as quickly as possible.

You aren’t exactly sure what else you’re supposed to tell him, how many things you’re supposed to list. But, he has stopped growling at you.

“You've been there for me through almost every nightmare I've ever had and you were there for me when I completely lost it because of Deathstroke. You're the nicest person I've ever met and you're strong as fuck so I know you're in there somewhere." You scoot closer to him and cautiously and gently, put your hands on either side of his cheeks. The fur is soft under your hands. He growls again but you don't jerk away. "I'm not scared of you. And I know you won’t hurt me." You rest your forehead against his and in tiger form, it feels weird because his head is so much bigger than yours. But, it's soft and warm. "I know you’re in there and I believe in you."

You suck in a breath, closing your eyes. Despite the constant pessimism that seems to be intertwined in your blood, you’re positive this has to be working. He isn’t growling anymore and he’s not trying to eat you. Gar is in there somewhere then, Gar starts to transform back into human form. You can feel his face shift under your hands as you pull away, a gentle and relieved smile pulling at your lips. His eyes flicker at you as a sheepish smile comes to his face. You saved him.

"Hey." You smile widely at him and it's the softest smile you’ve ever given him.

"Thank you." Gar's eyes are tired as he lets out a breath. How did you know to do that?

"You don't have to thank me." You laugh softly. "Here." You pull the backpack off, handing it over. "Grabbed some clothes for you."

"Thank you." Gar lets out an awkward chuckle while you stand up and turn around so he can put the clothes on. He’s surprised you even thought to do that. That you were positive you would be able to get him back and he would need his clothes. Gar will be eternally grateful for you.

"Are you okay?" You ask, still with your back to him. You can't believe it worked and you’re so happy it did. The world is a cruel place, but Gar does not deserve that cruelty. 

"Uh..." Gar stutters. Okay? He knows he just hurt several people, he was brainwashed. He is physically in pain. "Yeah."

"Are you lying?" You question, sticking your hands in your hoodie pouch.

"Yeah." Gar clears his throat, walking up to your side. "Just, a little sore." Gar’s voice is low, a little rough and Gar? Not talking about something? That’s new and you do not like that. But, you won’t push because you still have other problems to deal with. That’s a Tower conversation.

You nod your head softly, brows knitting together. “You sure?”

Gar gives you a fake smile. “Yeah, uh, thank you.” Gar furrows his brows, nodding.

"Of course." You nudge him with your arm. "Come on, we should get over there. We can talk at the Tower if you want?"

Gar nods. "Yeah, thank you."

"You'd do the same for me." You interlock your arm with his and the two of you walk, unsteadily towards the other Titans.

"When did Dick get back?" Gar asks, seeing Dick stand near Conner as Rachel uses her powers to encompass them both.

"Love that you're just used to Rachel doing that." You state. "Uh.... twenty minutes ago, apparently. He saved our asses from Deathstroke."

"Deathstroke's back?" Gar groans. What has he missed since being with CADMUS?

"Assume they took care of him since everyone is here now." You shrug. "It's been a few days." You laugh softly. "I'm just glad you're...okay." You smile softly at him before looking back to the Titans, scanning over everyone.

Donna has her rope around Conner while Rachel is using her powers to hold Conner still so he can't move. Rachel has powers surrounding Dick, fully encompassing him. You’re positive you will never get used to that. Dawn, Hank, and Kory are standing behind them, watching. You can feel your heart in your throat until you spot Jason standing a little off to the side of Hank, holding his arm. You let out a breath at the sight of him.

"Jason's back?" Gar questions, seeming to have noticed him at the same time.

"He came back to help." You answer proudly.

"Got the whole team back together." Gar offers a genuine smile.

"Yeah," You feel a warmth in your chest with the idea of everyone sticking around, even if it won’t happen. "All to save you."

Rachel suddenly stops using her powers, releasing Dick and then Conner. Donna releases her rope and Conner seems to be back. He looks around for just a second in horror at the mess. But, then, he looks towards the CADMUS vehicles and starts walking fiercely towards them, you and Gar moving quickly out of his way and towards the others. CADMUS starts firing their guns at Conner which is just a waste since he's literally bulletproof. And none of the Titans are going to stop in to stop him. This is now Conner's fight.

"Nice to have you back, man." Jason gives Gar a nod as he approaches the both of you.

"Thanks for coming back."

"Don't mention it." Jason lets out a scoff, offering you a smile.

"You okay?" You ask, taking a quick glance over him.

"Yeah, all good." Jason nods at you, cocky grin dancing across his lips.

Everyone gathers around as Conner comes back. He stands in front of everyone, getting a better look at the damage caused before he puts the blame on himself. He says it wasn't him but he still did it. Donna is the first one to tell Conner that it's okay and everyone is just glad to have him back.

The people at the carnival then start to come out of hiding, cheering for the Titans. That's a bit surprising but it is kind of nice. Everyone collectively smiles and waves softly. You aren't sure how you feel about it. There's a lot of attention on all of you but it's nice the people appreciate it, rather than hating all of you. You feel a little too exposed but you smile anyway, trying to deal with it because that's what Titans do.

There's a little girl who points out her doll stuck on a ride. Dawn sees the little girl and grabs the doll before walking the doll back to the little girl. But then, everyone hears electricity cackle from above. One of the electric light displays starts to tilt towards Dawn. She rushes as many as she can away, telling everyone to get back before Donna runs and catches the piece of equipment before it falls onto the innocent civilians.

She holds it above her head as it electrocutes her. Every one of you watch in a state of horror, unsure what to do and if any of you can even help. She’s Wondergirl but that doesn’t mean she’s immune to electricity especially that much and for more than just a few seconds. But, there’s nothing any of you can do and after just twenty seconds, Donna goes limp and falls onto the beam.

Dick runs to her and holds her body in his arms. No one says a word, everyone just stands there and watches. How did that kill Wondergirl? Of all things, how? At a carnival? Your heart breaks with the sight and you really liked Donna. You looked up to Donna. Gar hangs his head and you reach down to hold his hand while Jason puts a hand on your shoulder. It's just not fair.

The team goes back to the tower, Hank carrying Donna's body. The tower feels emptier than it ever has before. It's darker than usual, completely silent. It feels like the Reaper is actively looming over the entire Tower, haunting every single one of you. You all lost one of your own tonight, and at a carnival. It wasn't Deathstroke or Dr. Light. Just a piece of electrical equipment that never should have fallen to begin with. And it was Donna. Wondergirl. The reality of it is too heavy for any of you to carry. So, the you all go your separate ways through the tower.

You go off to your room to change and figure you'll check on Gar right after. You’re sad about Donna, despite everything you looked up to her. And it's rough that of all Titans, she's the one killed. And saving people. It hurts through every part of your body and you’re tired of loss. But you focus on Gar because dealing with those feelings isn't something you really want to do. It hurts and when things hurt, you run from them. Avoid them. And Gar just went through something traumatic and now he has to deal with the loss of Donna who he knew a lot better than you did. You focus on your best friend because his feelings about everything just happened are far more important.

Apparently, Jason had the same idea because when you leave your room, Jason was already making his way to Gar's room. Rachel, though, is already leaving Gar's room by the time you join Jason.

"He's not in there." Rachel lets out a sigh.

"Training room?" Jason questions, looking to you.

"Probably." You sigh and the three of you let your bitterness go between each other to find Gar.

The three of you head to the training room where you find Gar sitting alone on one of the benches with his head hung. The three of you pause, your hearts aching for your friend but then move forward. Rachel sits to Gar's left while you sit on his right, Jason standing in front of you. You and Rachel wrap your arms around Gar to hug him while Jason rests his hand on Gar's shoulder. Gar basically collapses into you and Rachel and you both hug him tighter, squeezing him against you to try to offer some type of comfort to the gentle boy who deserved better.

Gar's let out a whimpered cry, Jason giving Gar's shoulder a squeeze and he didn't think he'd see his friend like this. Jason doesn't let people see him as anything less than strong and sturdy, besides you. But, he admires Gar in a way because Gar doesn't really either but he puts on a smile instead of relentless sarcasm. He smiles and then offers kindness and help to others instead of collapsing. There's something admirable in that but he's crying now, breaking and it hurts Jason to see his friend like this.

"It's my fault." Gar lets out a soft whimper.

"It's not your fault." Rachel says quickly.

"None of this is your fault." You assure right after.

"I was the one brainwashed and that got Donna killed." Gar whines while you and Rachel pull away, Jason taking a knee in front of you.

"But, that's not your fault. That's what CADMUS did." Rachel says, her words slow.

"Yeah, that's on CADMUS. Not you." You state.

"CADMUS got her fucking killed, not you, man." Jason assures him.

"But she died because I didn't call Bruce about Conner."

"Look, I said it then and I'm gonna say it again, you did what you thought was best. None of this is on you." You state, getting a look of confusion between Jason and Rachel. Call Bruce? "Bruce probably wouldn't have showed up in time anyway and all this shit would have happened. Not on you."

"Yeah..." Rachel nods in agreement, unsure of what any of that means but is certain none of this could possibly be Gar's fault.

"It's not fair." Gar's voice is so small.

"It's not." Jason shakes his head. "It's fucking bullshit. But, that's not your fault." Jason lets out a sigh. Jason has no idea how to offer comfort to anyone besides you. One of the only people he’s ever been good with is you but, he does know that escapism is Gar’s thing. He likes movies and he likes video games. Jason can’t offer comforting words, but he can offer a movie. "Hey, man, why don't we go...watch one of your movies or something? Like we used to." Jason offers and the offer caches all three of you off guard but you and Rachel say nothing, instead you wait for Gar to talk.

"Not really feeling it, Jason." Gar lets out a huff.

"So?" You quip. "You like movies and you don't deserve to drown yourself in the guilt of everything that's not your fault."

"Exactly. I can make us popcorn and order from that pizza place you like." Rachel offers Gar a gentle smile and you let the anger for Rachel fade just a little. You’re not sure what was up Rachel's ass last night, but she does care about Gar and it's very obvious now.

"Come on, man." Jason groans and gives Gar a grin. "All of us getting along, watching something again?"

Gar lets out a weak laugh, you and Rachel smiling softly at each other. "Okay, okay, yeah." Gar nods with agreement.

Jason smiles proudly, getting to his feet and offering Gar his hand. Gar takes his hand and stands up.

"Uh, can you guys give us a second? We'll meet you out there."  Rachel asks, Sam snapping her attention to her.

Jason eyes the two of you suspiciously, not sure if leaving you both alone is the best thing to do but he nods anyway and Gar smiles softly, leaving with Jason.

"I wanted to talk to you." Rachel sucks in a breath.

With everything that's happened tonight, Rachel wants to get everything out in the open and squash everything. It's been bothering her a little bit since last night. Rachel never had many friends. This is the first time, she has more than one and it sucks fighting. Even if she knows her own feelings were valid, she knows yours were, too. So, she'd rather get it over with now rather than wait.

"I gathered." You nod your head.

"I'm sorry for what I said last night."

The apology catches you by surprise but you’re glad this is where this conversation is going. "Yeah...me, too." You swallow your pride and honestly, life is too fucking short. At the end of the day, you're in this together. You're Titans, together. Doesn't matter where you are or if you get along, you're in it together.

"I was...Dick is like an older brother and the dreams make everything feel so real and sometimes it is. Not having dreams about Gar, made me think he was okay. But, with Dick..."

"It felt like he really was in more danger?"

"Yeah, it was never that I was choosing between them or that I don't care about Gar."

"I know." You nod your head quickly. "I was just so mad about everything. I mean, I'm still dealing with Deathstroke shit and honestly, maybe I was a little...” You scrunch your nose. “Hurt that Jason left...with Rose. Then, getting attacked, not feeling good enough again. I took a lot of that out on you because I was still mad at you for Jason."

"I should have talked to him. I never meant for him to spiral like that. I didn't think the other Titans had stuff going on. It was just me and I thought it had to be him." Rachel admits and truly, she never dreamed Jason was in that bad of a headspace. Rachel can explode just like everyone else, but she’s not cruel.

"I just wish you would have listened to me at least. Jason, fine, I get that, but we're supposed to be friends so. I just...I was mad. And...." You pause. "Scared, honestly. Jason wasn't answering me, Gar was kidnapped and hurt. Those...they both mean a lot to me and it was a lot."

"We were both just scared for everyone."

"Yeah," You laugh softly. "I am...sorry I punched you. Especially hearing this side of it. Give you shit for not hearing Jason out only for me not to offer you that kindness. I'm sorry."

"Thank you." Rachel smiles softly. "I will apologize to him, too."

You smile kindly. "Thank you. He'll probably yell at you but I'm serious, just let him yell." You scrunch your nose. "He'll be fine after he yells." You laugh softly.

"I will." Rachel assures you.

"Hey, he's leaving anyway so...it won't be too bad."

Rachel's face falls. "He's leaving?"

You nod sadly. "Mhm, he's only here for Gar and then he's gone. Back to Gotham, back to Bruce."

"Are you okay? I know what I said but..." Rachel offers a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay." You give her a fake smile and you decide not to tell Rachel.

You’re willing to move on from everything, especially if she apologizes to Jason. You were both just stressed and scared and worried. It was a lot for the both of you. But a part of you is a little worried that if you tell Rachel, she might tell Gar before you can. You know you’re going to stay here for at least a little bit to make sure he's okay and you aren't sure when you'll tell him. You don't want Rachel thinking you’re withholding the information on purpose or Rachel accidentally letting it slip. So, you sit on it and assure Rachel you’re okay.

"We're all good and I know Gotham is his home."

"Okay, if you want to talk.." Rachel smiles softly.

"Thank you. I'm sorry again for all of that shit. Are we okay?"

Rachel leans forward, pulling you in for a hug and you freeze for a second. And then you hug Rachel back.

"Yeah, we're okay." Rachel pulls away and gets up, offering you her hand. "Let's see what movie Gar picked."

The two of you make your way to the living room where you see Gar and Jason seated on the couch, an open space between them. Dick is just walking in with two bowls of popcorn, Kory holding a few drinks. You and Rachel look between each other before giving the older Titans soft smiles and taking your rightful seats on either side of Gar. Conner and Krypto are next to join as Gar scrolls through the movies and lands on one he's seen a handful of times.

"What are we watching, Gar?" Dick asks, passing one of the bowls down the couch to younger Titans.

"Ready Player One." Gar offers a soft smile as clicks the movie, the room not knowing anything about it.

"Spielberg, come on guys." You look around.

"That explains absolutely fucking nothing." Jason chuckles with the shake of his head.

"It's a video game movie, kind of." Gar explains, clicking the movie.

"That makes sense." Kory laughs softly.

Gar turns on the movie with a soft smile and the room falls silent. Dick and Kory saw Jason and Gar walk in, plopping on the couch. When they asked what they were doing and Gar said watching a movie, they offered to join. Dick would join every once in a while anyway and he just lost his best friend tonight. It was more so Kory's idea but Dick went along with it. The four of you are still his responsibility and maybe this isn't such a bad idea.

"What's going on?" Hank asks about half an hour into the movie, Dawn right at his side as they see the living room filled with Titans.

"We're watching a movie." Kory offers him a smile. "A video game movie."

Gar offers Hank a smile, the indicator it was clearly his choice. Hank chuckles softly while Dawn reaches down for his hand and walks the two of them into the living room to join the group of you, picking up two of the only open spots left.

The room falls silent as the movie plays, the new Titans sharing a bowl of popcorn (and maybe tossing a piece to Krypto every now and again). Gar explains every movie reference that shows up to everyone who hasn’t seen it which is almost always Jason and Kory. All of you just let Gar explain it and hear him get excited again, and for that short time during the movie, the grief of losing Donna doesn’t hurt so much. For that two and a half hours, you all live in peace with each other and every one of you needed it.

Two days later, the entire team meets up at a private airport, everyone dressed in black. You’re all sending Donna off in a casket back to Themyscira and her people have come to take her back. To say it was depressing would be an understatement. It was hard for every single one of you. Despite any problems the Titans had, Donna meant a lot to all of you and it's agonizing officially saying goodbye. And that's when Rachel decided to tell everyone she'd be going with. She wants to try and resurrect her. Something in her believes she has the power to do it, or at the very least try. You find it admirable.

Bruce flew in to see Donna off, too. And Rose showed up at the tower the day before, wanting to try out being a Titan for a little bit until she figures out what she really wants to do. Especially with having Jericho's consciousness. That was a little awkward for Jason and you. But it was nice seeing Bruce show up and maybe he's not all too bad. He gave you a pair of gloves when he showed up, explaining Jason and Gar had called him with the idea. Made with zylon fibers. Not only was it nice of those boys, but it was really nice of Bruce to go out of his way to do that.

Everyone got to be Titans that night, too. There was an alert of a problem happening and everyone, one by one, got up from the table to get suited up (or changed) and head out to fight for the first time as a full team. It went off without a hitch, too. You were a large team and it felt so good to be out there, doing exactly what the Titans are supposed to be doing. Saving and protecting people who cannot do it themselves.

Jason and Bruce flew out the following day. Saying goodbye to Jason, this time, didn't hurt nearly as much. You knew you'd be back in Gotham soon enough and he wasn't leaving over horrible circumstances. He wasn't leaving because he felt like he had to anymore, as if it was forced on him. It was a little sad, but you both knew it was not permanent.

Within a few days, you get a call from Jason giving you the all good. Bruce said you’re welcome to stay as long as you like. You said you wanted to give it a little longer, to make sure Gar is okay especially with Rachel leaving. Dawn and Hank also were very clear on them not staying very long. So, you owe it to him to make sure he's okay before you take off, too. He won't be alone this time. He'll have Dick, Kory, Conner, and Krypto but you owe him.

Over the next month, you hang around Gar, making sure he’s okay. At first, it was his turn to suffer from nightmares about being brainwashed and killing the Titans. Those were rough nights but Gar is resilient and he talks. He talks through all of it then escapes into video games until he’s ready to talk again. The whole time you offer him the listening ear, and assure him that everything was CADMUS’s fault. The talking and video games and friendship helps. Gar picks himself up pretty quickly, swinging back into the routine of things and it helps that you’re all actually being Titans now. You’re actually accomplishing missions and working together which is making everyone feel useful for once.

And over that month of being there for Gar, you feel yourself deteriorating. It’s easy to avoid feelings and problems and trauma when you’re focused on someone or something else. But, Gar gets better and you get worse. It’s as if your flight or fight has been kicked into overdrive the whole time but now with things getting, somewhat back to normal, it’s crashing.

The nightmares are consistent and at this point, you swear you’ll never get a full night’s rest ever again. The paranoia is back, more so than it was even with Jerry. The attack on the tower made it feel not safe. Even with the other Titans around, it doesn’t feel safe anymore because that bubble was popped. You weren’t the one kidnapped that time, but it lingers in the depths of your mind anyway and you’re always waiting for something like that to happen again, looking over your shoulder. So, you don’t sleep for more than two to three hours and you train. You’re always found either with Gar or in the training room running yourself to the ground. And you know that with Gar doing okay, it’s time because you can’t live like this anymore and there’s a place for you Gotham.

The problem is that you definitely haven't told anyone. Every day, you swore you would do it. You'd get up the courage to do it. And instead, you'd train and avoid it. You'd dodge questions about Jason. You'd bury yourself in your scrapbook. The idea of telling them, wasn't a good one. You ran from the conversation but, you can't do that anymore and you know you can't. So, you find yourself in the display room, trying to muster up the courage to tell Dick and Gar.

Dick walks in and he's had a suspicion. He's seen that look before. He has worn that look when he decided to leave Gotham and go to Detroit. You’ve been a bit spacey lately, too and at first, he thought it was everything that happened. You’ve been the main person looking after Gar but he watched the security footage back. He knows you were attacked and fought just as hard. You lost Donna, too. But, as the days went by, something seemed off. Dick is a detective and since finally coming to clean about Jericho, his head is far more clear and he's picking up on a lot of things a lot better. You haven't done anything new to your room or asked for anything. You’ve picked up extra chores and then there’s the training. Dick just knows.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" Dick asks, standing beside you, keeping his stare at the displays.

You turn your head, the sad smile growing as you nod. You aren't going to lie. You need to tell him and he figured it out but it hurts to confirm it anyway. "Yeah, I am."

Dick nods, his expression sad as he looks at you "Can I ask where?"

"You've gotten a little better at asking things, Dick Grayson." Your voice is soft but holds your signature sarcasm. You shake your head, sticking your hands in the pouch of your hoodie before sucking in a breath. "Gotham." You look to your shoes, knowing you can end the conversation here but decide to try not to run from this one thing. You owe Dick that much. "It's home, ya know?" You look up at Dick and he nods.

"Yeah," His voice is understanding as he puts his hands in his pockets. "But, it doesn't have to be."

"I know." You answer. "But..." You pause, looking back to the display columns. You love to give him shit because he makes it easy and he’s he oldest. He’s basically everyone’s older brother. But, you owe him the explanation because he has done a good job here, especially after confessing the stuff about Jericho. You never want him to think you leaving is because he failed or something. "Um...a-a lot happened here, this Tower, this city. It’s a lot for me and I don’t know if I can handle dealing with all of that here. Gotham though, it might be a mess, but it’s home. I was happy there.” You let out a scoff, chewing the inside of your cheek. “More shit just keeps happening here and I need to find that part of myself that can be happy despite the bullshit. I don’t think I can find that here. I left some of myself in Gotham and I just want to see if I can find some of that again, get over some of this shit. I don’t know.” You shrug your shoulders. “Gotham is home, probably always will be and I...wanna go home.”

"I understand." Dick's voice is quiet and he's sad to see your leave but he understands. Finding himself was the hardest thing he ever did but it was worth it. He doesn't like the idea of you going to Gotham, not with what Gotham does to people but if it's what you need to do, he can't stand in your way. "Where are you gonna stay?"

You give him a dry chuckle. "With Bruce and Jason." You shake your head again as you roll your eyes. "I understand the irony in that."

"Jason pull some strings?" Dick is a little relieved that you won’t be homeless in Gotham, not he ever thought Jason would let you.

"Mhm." You hum. You don't want to get into it. Dick does not want to hear about that one.

"Have you told Gar?"

You shake your head and the very mention of his name makes you want to run out of the display room and away from this conversation. "No. I will." You say quickly. "You just asked first."

"Tell him soon." Dick says. He has a lot to say but he doesn't want to sway your decision or guilt you about it. He took you in, took Rachel in, and he’s watching you both go off on your own to do your own thing. Maybe he’s a little proud, too.

"I will when we're done." You let out a deep breath. You turn to face him completely this time and you hate to admit, but you'll miss him. "Thank you for letting me be a Titan."

The corner of Dick's lips tugs into a sad smile. "You'll always have a place as a Titan, okay?"

You nod. "So, I can come back when I figure my shit out?" You hope one day you’ll want to. You do like being a Titan, using your powers for good. But for now, it’s not healthy for you.

"Of course." Dick smiles at you. "Go talk to Gar." Dick sucks in a breath and he's let so many people down. He's let you guys down and he won't do that again. "Hey, be careful, okay?"

"Because Jason." You state and the two of them actually worked out some of their shit while Jason was here. Dick actually apologized but you suspect that's what he means anyway because Dick will always think Jason is reckless and impulsive and a bad influence.

Dick shakes his head. "You two have that figured out." Dick lets out a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck and you raise a brow at him. "With Bruce."

You offer a singular, large nod. "I will, I see how you and Jason turned out. You don't have to worry. If...shit hits the fan though...I can call, right?"

"Of course. We'll all be there."

"Thank you. I'm gonna go talk to Gar." You turn to leave. "Hey," You turn back around. "Keep doing this, you're getting a lot better at it."

You head to Gar's room next, deciding to rip the band-aid off. You do feel a little better after talking with Dick. It didn't go terribly wrong which means it should be okay with Gar. You knock on his door quickly, before walking inside. Gar is sat on his couch playing Resident Evil and he looks over his shoulder quickly, offering you a kind smile. The guilt floods back into your blood like a dam's just broken. He looks so happy and content and you’re about to break this to him.

"Hey." You say quietly, taking a seat beside him.

"Hey." He offers you a smile, pausing his game. "What's up?"

"Um..." Your brows furrow as you tug your sleeves over your hands. The action does not go unnoticed and Gar knows something’s up. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Is everything okay?" Gar asks, hesitance in his voice.

"I-I, uh, I'm....leaving." You get the words out but it feels like your vocal cords are short-circuiting.

It's as if Gar can feel the last of his heart breaking. Everyone is leaving and he's gonna be left here. Sure, he has Dick and Conner and Kory and Krypto but...what about everyone else? His best friends?

"Why?" He asks, his voice cracking.

"I....I-I-I I just....I need to figure out who I am now. I'm....not...I'm not who I was before and..." You choke down the lump of guilt clogging on your throat. "I need to go back to Gotham and find me and....just figure out my fucking shit."

"Why can't you do that here?" He asks and he's so sad, you can see it in the way his eyes dodge yours

You shake your head, offering him full transparency. "I fucked up. I couldn't save Jason and me. I have these powers and they were fucking useless. I couldn't talk him out of it, hell, I went along with it. I never would have done that before. But...I felt like I had something to prove to myself. That I'm strong and I'm not as weak as Jerry made me feel but then I was dropped from a fucking skyscraper with my best friend and we almost died. And then........." You keep your eyes on him because if you’re going to do this, you owe him that. "CADMUS attacked and I couldn't save any of us, or myself." You scoff. "Then, Donna." You shake your head. "I just feel useless and not good enough and...scared. I'm so sick feeling that way and running myself right into the ground over it. I never had healthy coping mechanisms but..." You suck in a deep breath. "I don't sleep and I train all the time. I need to leave and get away from the this city, figure out who I am outside of a Titan because I was thrown into this. I chose it, but thrown into it and I need to just get away for a little bit. Gotham is a shitshow, but it's fucking home."

"Gotham?" Of course, it's Gotham. Where else would you go? But, it hurts anyway. That's literally across the country.

"I know." You nods softly. "It's....it is my home, Gar. I was born there and raised there for almost my entire life. My mom is buried there. I need to go back. It's....I always felt like I belonged there"

He nods, not knowing what else to say. He won't convince you to stay, it's not him. He respects you and your decision even though it hurts. Even though he's upset. It hurts. Everyone is leaving again.

"You're not useless." Gar gets out. "And you are good enough. I know you don't believe it but it's true."

You nod. "Yeah, it just doesn't feel like it and I need to not feel like this anymore."

"I understand." Gar offers a solemn nod.

"I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry." Gar forces a sad smile to his face. "It's what's best for you. If it's going to make you happy, it's the right thing to do."

"Thank you." You swear you have no idea what you did to deserve his friendship.

"Where are you gonna stay?"

You let out a soft laugh. "That's the irony. With fucking Bruce Wayne and Jason, of course."

"You're gonna live with Batman?" Gar's eyes widen and it makes you laugh.

"Mhm, can you believe it?"

"Do...do you think you'll see the Batcave?"

Your nose scrunches as you lets out a laugh. Of course, that's what Gar is interested in. "I hadn't thought about it, Gar."

"It's Batman's Manor." Gar's eyes are wide with excitement.

"If I see the Batcave, I'll let you know." You shake your head. "You could come visit and you're a Titan so like...maybe you'd convince Bruce to show you anyway."

"That'd be so cool." Gar beams.

"I kind of just wanna throw a Baterang."

"You would." Gar chuckles softly. "Jason though." Gar shakes his head and he's also kind of waiting to see when that's gonna happen. He's pretty sure everyone kind of is at this point.

"One of the free perks of living with Bruce Wayne." You state and Gar groans. "What?"

"Nothing." Gar shakes his head. You and Jason will figure it out. "When do you leave?"

You offer him a yikes expression before giving him an awkward smile. "Two days."

"You waited until now to tell me?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna try to work on that. I was scared." You shrug. "It seems easier not to tell you."

"You can always tell me things."

"I know." You let out a soft laugh. "Did...you wanna play some Mario Kart though? We have two days to still play." You’re ready to be done having the conversation. It’s not easy for either of you and you’d rather be enjoying the time you have left rather than talking about it.

Gar lets out a laugh, a toothy smile landing on his lips. "Okay, yeah, grab the controllers." Gar states, saving his game while you grab the controllers from the switch.

It's gonna be weird not having you around. But, Gar understands it's what's best for you. He'll never stand in your way just like he didn't with Rachel or Jason or anyone else that's left. If he's learned anything, it's that the Titans do come back together eventually. Gar has hope you'll be back so he'll enjoy your last two days like he has been.

The next two days go by in a blur and soon enough, it's time for you to leave. You look around your room with a backpack on your shoulders. You give the room a sad smile and you swear you'll be back one day. You do love being a Titan but you need to figure you out now. It's time and you'll be back one day. So, you walk towards the door and close it behind you.

You walk out into the kitchen where Dick, Kory, Gar, Conner, and Krypto are seated around. You offer them all a sad smile. Kory is the first to say goodbye, offering you a hug and telling you not to get into too much trouble. Conner is next, also offering a hug and saying it was nice getting to know you. You make him promise to send you Krypto updates. Gar is next and he wraps you in the tightest hug he's ever given you.

"You'll keep in touch right?" Gar pulls away, eyes sad but filled with hope.

"Of course." You laugh softly. "You're my best friend, always." You flash him a toothy smile

"Good because I'm really gonna miss you."

"I’m gonna miss you, too. I'm just a phone call and flight away." You assure him. "Come visit."

"Will do." Gar offers you a sheepish nod, stepping back so Dick can say goodbye.

Dick stands in front of you and offer you a handshake.

"So fucking professional. You know, you took me in for no reason at all."

"You were injured."

"Yeah, but you could have brought me to a hospital." You quip. "Thank you for everything you've done for me, Dick." This is the most sincere you’ve ever been with Dick. "Thank you for looking out for me and saving my life, more than once. One hundred points for you." A confident smile comes to your lips.

Dick lets out a laugh. "You were really keeping a point system?"

"Well, I was joking but you seemed so surprised, I needed to commit to the bit. So, congrats on your win."

"Thank you." Dick's eyes widen with sarcasm.

You close the distance between you and hug him. It catches Dick off guard but he hugs you back.

"Listen to Kory, don't get into too much trouble."

"Have no worry, Dickolas. I've grown." You say as you pull away.

"You have." Dick nods at you.

"Well, I'll be back and I'll keep in touch." You offer all of them a last smile before walking over to Gar and giving him one final and long hug. You'll miss him the most.

You pet Krypto and give him a kiss before you head to the elevator. Everyone heads to the hallway to watch you leave and the doors shut. This is it, you’re really going home. After over a year, you’re finally going back home and it might be a little bittersweet but you’re so happy. Gotham is a shit show but it will always be home. You miss it.

You exit the building and right outside, there stands Jason with his motorcycle, one helmet on the bike and the other in his hand. He gives you a wide grin. He didn't tell you he was coming. You were given the address for the private landing strip where Bruce would send his private jet to pick you up. You were okay with that actually, just some time to be alone. But now you’re looking at Jason you’re so relieved to see him.

"Miss me?" Jason quips as you get closer.

You scrunch your nose, shrugging your shoulder. "Nope, not even a little bit."

"Alright, fuck you." Jason chuckles, looking to the ground and then back to you. Maybe this has been the longest month of his life.

"I don't think Bruce would appreciate us joining the mile-high club in his jet." You quip, Jason gaining the devious smirk that makes fireworks explode through your heart.

"He doesn't have to know." Jason quips right back.

"No!" You shake your head, a booming laugh escaping your lips. "Shut the fuck up." You close the distance between you, bringing him into a hug and you didn't think he'd actually come just to fly back to Gotham. But, you’re so happy he did. "You didn't have to come. I could have flown alone." You pull away, the biggest smile Jason has ever seen splits your face.

Jason shrugs. "Yeah, but that's not very fun. Thought you'd like some company."

"Thank you, Jay."

"Anytime, babe." Jason hands you a helmet.

"Can't just take an Uber like a normal person?" You quip while the two of you get on the bike. You put the helmet on while Jason gets ready.

"Nope, this is faster." Jason taunts you, looking back at you.

"Okay, Fast and The Furious." You roll your eyes as Jason slides his face shield down.

"Ready to go home?" Jason asks, looking back at you.

"Hell yeah." You slide your own face shield down, wrapping your arms around him before Jason kicks it into first.

The city goes by in a blur as Jason zips between traffic and you have a smile under your helmet. Every piece of you that might have been second-guessing this decision washes away. You’re going home and having Jason be the one that's there, makes the whole experience a little bit better. And you’re so excited to get back to Gotham, see what it will bring you this time around. And Jason is thrilled to be bringing you back home. It'll just be the two of you in Gotham. No Titans, no Deathstroke. Just you. It's you and him.

prev. chapter | Book 2 masterlist 

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A/N: Book 1: Okay hi, so I know I skipped over quite a bit but this was already so long lmao and I didn’t wanna break it up. If y’all want an exert from anything I skipped over, just let me know!! Thank you guys again for reading. It truly means SO much to me 😭

Book 2: First of all, I get to the point EARLY in book 2, I promise!!!!! I literally have that already written lol Chapter 1 of book 2 will be out in 2 weeks!! I’ll try to stay posting on Wednesday/Thursdays!! Book 2 also follows canon pretty closely so look forward to that angst lol But, yeah I’ll be part with chapters in 2 weeks!! Thank you guys!! 😭

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @anthemabby // @baebeepeach​

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

There's this one thing that confused the hell out of me in Prisoner of Azkaban.

So in the third book, Harry talked Remus and Sirius out of killing Peter. Later he expresses regret about letting him go and Dumbledore just pats him on the head and goes "don't worry you did the right thing, now Peter is indebted to you and that kind of debt is a very powerful magic" or something like that. I might be mistaken. Been almost a whole decade since I read the books but I remember the gist of it.

Except... we never see that """magic""" in action. Peter kidnaps him literally next year and clearly has no issue using him to resurrect Voldemort. Then he spends the rest of the books not lifting a single finger to help Harry and co.

Oh waaaait. He tried to strangle Harry and had to be reminded that he'd spared him for him to only hesitate. Then the hand Voldemort gave him proceeded to turn on him and strangle him to death. Lol nvm my mistake. :P

Like... that's it?? That was the result of the powerful wizard debt magic?

Dumbledore spews so much bs throughout the series. I have no idea why I ever liked him.

Well, the thing is, this is a bit of a departure from the blog as it's not really about JKR and why she does the things she does, or any author for that matter, it's about ignoring them and trying to make sense of the world without them (which means taking everything we see about things like wizard debt magic into account and deciding what it is)

But I suppose we can take a little break.

If anon's referring to the time I said it was my favorite, anon will remember I didn't say it didn't have problems. I was picking against the others.

And yes.

That was it.

I think JKR was trying to have a "It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill Golllum" moment (not that she ever blatantly rips off Lord of the Rings, god forbid, no, she's never done that) where Harry is reminded that saving a life is a good thing and perhaps in time we will all have our purpose/redemption.

It's just she kind of forgot about it until the last moment where Peter momentarily chooses not to save his own skin and dies immediately in a hilariously horrible way.

And then brings up wizarding debt so that Severus has one to James, who died/Severus didn't beg to save him, and uh... I guess means he owes Harry somehow?

But yes, that's wizard debt, that's it.

[queer-reader-07]

don't mind me i'm just dropping my review of dune part 2 here because i really really really loved this movie and it changed me on a molecular level and i can't stop thinking about it and everyone should watch it it's so good i'm not joking it's literally one of the best films i've ever watched. ok anyway, review:

I remember very clearly the day I finished Dune. I remember how I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating rice & beans with a spoon in one hand, and holding my dad's battered and loved mass market in the other hand. I remember how I read the final words and closed the book slowly. How I got up to go sit in my dad's home office and stare into space in disbelief at what I'd just read. I remember how I looked at my dad and I said "I can see why it's your favorite. I think it's mine too."

I saw Dune Part 2 on opening night, in IMAX, with my dad. And to say it was a night to remember is an understatement. I can say with full confidence that seeing this film is sure to become a core memory.

The sheer power of this film is something to behold. I don't think there was a single moment in those 166 minutes that I wasn't entirely immersed in the film, my eyes were glued to that screen like never before.

There were moments during the movie where I was genuinely frightened, moments that had me on the edge of my seat. I know how this story goes, I know how it ends, I know who lives and who dies. And yet...

Paul Atreides is a scary man by the end of this story. The transformation he undergoes after drinking the Water of Life is unsettling, and Timothee did a fantastic job of portraying it. Paul's speeches about how he is The One- The Lisan Al-Gaib- are damning. You can see how much he believes now that he must be the messiah and how deeply the Fremen believe in him, but you can also see how dangerous he is. The power in his words is scary because I know how much damage the search for one person to save us all can cause. His final speech instills a sense of breath-stealing deep in the audience. It's frightening and disturbing because I know that this kind of religious zealotry is not being played up for the sake of theatrics; it is very, very real.

Jessica's religious indoctrination is scarily accurate to the indoctrination I've witnessed in my own life. The way she talks of "converting the non believers" reminds me a little too much of how I was taught to share the Word of God with those who didn't believe in Christ or God while I was in catholic school. And while her own indoctrination is terrifying to witness, what is worse is watching how she spreads her propaganda amongst the Fremen. By the end, they believe that Paul will save them; rather than being saved by their own people.

Despite knowing that Stilgar's faith is largely due to Bene Gesserit propaganda that speaks of a messiah, I still find him to be an admirable character. His unwavering and unshakeable faith mimics the faith of many religious people I know in real life. I've always envied that kind of faith, the kind that prevails regardless of hardship or pain or loss. I sometimes wish I could have that kind of faith, I wish I could believe in something that strongly. Stilgar is not shaken by anything Paul or Chani or any other Fremen say. He believes with his whole being that Paul is the Lisan Al-Gain, and that he will save them all.

"I don't care what you believe. I believe!"

And it's just such a well crafted movie. Shai-Hulud looks so good in this film (the sand worm riding scenes were breathtaking). The cinematography, the soundtrack, the acting; everything feels so intentional. I'm so grateful this film exists.

This movie will stick with me for a while, if not forever. It so faithfully portrays not only the story but the themes of Dune. This film was clearly made with love, care, and adoration for the source material. I couldn't be more grateful.

As the film came to a close, as Jessica's final words rang in my ears, as I watched Chani prepare to ride Shai-Hulud, I did not know what to do with myself. As the credits began to roll everyone around me stood up while I stayed seated. As I peeled myself out of my seat to leave, the music that played rang throughout the theater. I was breathing heavy, I turned to my dad, and we concluded that this was a truly wonderful film.

in conclusion, i can die happy knowing my favorite novel of all time has been so perfectly adapted.

[miitarashi]

Can u do tintin nsfw headcanons

Bro...not me waiting for someone to ask this so i could have an excuse to write it lol.

Thank you dear anon,i love you unknow person.

So, I'm going to use this and combine it with my idea of ​​making Tintin headcanons to "celebrate" the 30 followers (which took me so long to do and now it is 33 now,i love y'all 😭❤️)

[Name] = reader (neutral i guess?)

Warnings: like the ask says,there will have some NSFW so,if you don't like this type of content,please don't read. But if you read,keep in mind,it's MY opnion, but i would like to see yours on the comments!

SFW headcanons.

First and probably a real cute one. He's a little awkaward about the physical part.

On the begin,you'll have to warn and ask to touch him so he can prepare himself a bit. Hugs? He'll slowly hug you back. Kisses? He'll be a little taken a back,but will let you do it.

But now,after enough time (a lot,like a year probably) he'll be more open and comfortable to initiate, so much that will become automatic (sometimes he's still going to ask for permission,but less than when you two start dating)

Rough day? He'll wrap his arms around your waist and rest his head on your shoulder,without saying a word,just enjoying the touch.

Before going out he'll kiss your forehead or cheek saying goodbye and do the same when he came back.

✨️Cuddles✨️

Please. Cuddle up with him,after a tired day mostly.

He don't care about little or big spoon. It's literally "a win is a win" for him.

If his the little spoon,he'll hold your hand intertwining his fingers in yours pulling your hand to rest on his chest.

If his the big spoon,Tintin's gonna embrance you and like he always do,his head will fit the curve of your neck and be there breathing your scent while keeping you as close he can.

A headcanon that i really like to think is,when he blush his whole face became red.

HEAR ME OUT HERE-

Like,think of how cute it would be 🥺

Tintin's gonna make his best to save time just for you.

He know that,because of the adventures,most of the time you end up alone on his apartment. So as soon he came back,he try to make up for it.

Movie night,reading a book together,cuddling,hearing about how your day was,focusing on you all the time he have.

Love language - words of affirmation,quality time and physical touch.

NSFW headcanons

✨️Thighs✨️

I just know how much this man love your thighs with all his might but being controlled like he is,never let it show. But he does steal some little peaks every now and then.

High thighs. This. This is too much for him. He would feel blessed if you walk over wearing those,want attention? Use it.

Sit on his lap and expect a hand going straight for it.

His favorite place to touch and hold.

If he goes down on you,press his face between your thighs and watch this man becoming mad.

And going down?? Favorite thing. No one can take it out of my mind.

First,he can be in between your thighs. Second,he really like to see your squirming just by what he can do with his tongue. If he use his fingers, you done.

He's good with his hands,he need to be you know? And when i say it,i mean he knows exactly where to touch,kiss or bite.

He discovered it like a good adventure that he is. Everytime he touched you,normaly but you reacted different,he remember where and how.

But hear me out. He is all for the teasing exactly because,again,he know where to touch you without going to the main thing.

His objective is to please you as much he can.

He's probably a switch or soft dom.

Tintin's a gentleman after all,he don't want to hurt his lover. No.

But overwhelm you until you can't take it so he can whisper in a breathless tone:

"You can take it,darling"

Praise kink master. He worship you in every single moment.

"You look so pretty when you beg,darling"

"Keep being a good girl/boy for me"

"You feel incredible,i'm addicted to you"

He don't overwhelm you moving like crazy,no no no,he save stamina fucking you in a steady pace while touching you in every sensitive place he knows,and just after you start whining a bit,he really begin.

Holding your waist in a tight grip (expect some small bruises on those part where he really grip,thighs mostly).

Remember the face always on your neck?

When he really begin,he rest his forehead on your shoulder so you can hear him groaning and whimpering right next to your ear. On purpose. He's not that vocal,so he does it for you to now how much he's enjoying it.

He don't really care that much about the position,as long he can see your face and reactions is enough for him.

He's really open about those things and let you have your way on it.

If Tintin's feeling bold enough,maybe he'll try to tie you up.

He can be controlled,but in the adventures,most of the things don't go as he planned. But having you at his mercy to do whatever he please. This is really something for him.

He'll not do it too much tho,but still...

✨️A little extra:✨️

King of the aftercare.

Shut up and listen.

Feeling too weak to get up? He'll carry you.

Too sleepy after everything? He'll clean you just enough and the next day,breakfast in bed.

Will take a bath with you,wash your back giving little pecks here and there,cuddling up with you and whispering sweet nothings finishing with a "i love you" in a sleepy tone.

Still breakfast in bed,will be a little clingy,just a bit and probably saying sorry about the light (or not that light-) bruises that he did.

Random and fun fact: he was probably embarrassed about Milu hearing so he really bought one of those anti-noise headphones so Milu could sleep and not hear what you two were doing in the bedroom. Or in his office sometimes-

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A/N: again,unknow person. I LOVE YOU- i could finally write some of those things about him. Bro,i really loved the last part,it's the most random and funny headcanon that i have lol. And i have even more of them,maybe i make more in the future. OH YEAH AND AGAIN THANK Y'ALL FOR THE 33 FOLLOWERS I LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU😭❤️❤️