#like there's still a lot of things I can't bring myself to do anymore

[raphodraws]

So after a good 2 years of feeling like I'm in a constant creative slump, I think I'm finally starting to get back to normal 😊

Turns out creative burnout from social media is a very real thing and if you can afford it (aka if you have other incomes than just your art) I definitely recommend taking a step back from the grind

[byanyan]

finally going through my likes to collect all the asks i've wanted to reply to since fucking april to add them into my drafts

i'm. i'm trying to at least start getting my shit together here. i've felt the strong urge to give writing a shot since yesterday, so. i'm gonna see about potentially doing some tonight? maybe?? still teetering on the edge of falling into Bad Thoughts when i let my mind wander too far, so idk how long the attempt will last or if it'll be successful, but.

[reiderwriter]

I'm Your Fluffer!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x female reader (best friends to lovers)

For @imagining-in-the-margins FWB Challenge!

Prompt: "I'm your boyfriend without the benefits." "Do you want the benefits?" "Yes- No... I'm your fluffer!" (Inspired by New Girl) (yes, I suggested this prompt, bo idc if that's cheating)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM, unprotected vaginal sex, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, choking, mentions of spanking, and butt worship, slight Dom Spencer, bratty reader, creampie. The classics, yk.

A/N: I'm back!!!! I took a break because I couldn't bring myself to even look at a word document for about a month, but there's nothing like a Pom challenge to get me writing again! I did have a lot planned for my 1 year anniversary, but because I was sick, and then busy, and then work got hectic, I had to put it off. I still am going to try to finish my kink bingo Carr, though, even though its a month late, but I had two fics left iirc, and I have both of them plotted, so I may as well! I will, however, be abandoning the final epilogue of I Can't Help Myself, because I wrote myself into a depressed corner with that one, and honestly, some people were getting very pushy about it, and it wasn't fun anymore. Anyway! This one was fun to write, so I'm going to stick to one shots for the foreseeable future, or incredibly limited series.

Masterlist

Spencer was your friend. A good friend. Your best friend, perhaps. A really good, very best friend.

Obviously, you were good friends because he always knew when you were feeling down. He bought you flowers regularly when he passed by flower shops. He came over to your place and helped you build every piece of flatpack furniture you had, which, as a single woman in your mid-twenties, was every piece of furniture that you owned.

You really looked forward to the movie nights the two of you had weekly. The popcorn, the blankets, the cuddling, his lips by your ear, in-time translating the foreign movies word for word as you watched it, the shivers down your spine as you pressed further into the heat of him.

Spencer was the best best friend you could ask for.

He was also the most frustrated.

“Kid, what are you doing this weekend? I'm thinking of hitting some clubs, you know, getting my groove on, maybe meeting A few ladies,” Morgan smirked, rubbing his hands together as he gently moved side to side, already dancing to himself as he anticipated his big weekend out. “You in, or are you in?”

“I can't. I promised Y/N I'd help her with some document digitalisation. We're going to order pizza and watch Star Trek while backing up her entire paper trail.”

The smile on Spencer's face was so stupid that Morgan had to stop himself from wiping it off of him immediately.

“Man, you are so down bad for that girl,” he mused, shaking his head.

“What? Down bad?”

“You like her. It's okay to admit it.”

“We're friends. I'm happy being friends,” Spencer said, picking up his bag and walking to the elevator desperate to escape a repeat of a conversation he'd already had three times that week.

“You know everyone thinks you're dating.”

“Well aware. Despite the number of times we've both stated to the contrary, people don't seem to accept ‘we're just friends’ when they hear it.”

“That may be because you're doing things that just friends don't do.”

“Everything we do is totally platonic.”

“You buy her flowers-

“I buy my mother flowers,” Spencer said, turning on the man and raising his hands in exasperation.

“You know that's different. Do you buy Emily flowers?”

Silence.

“What about JJ?”

“I bought JJ flowers!” He grinned triumphantly until the other man spoke again.

“When she was in the hospital. Giving birth. Okay, what about the movie nights?”

Rolling his eyes, the younger man walked on, pressing the bell for the elevator and allowing his friend to keep bothering him.

“Friends watch movies together, Morgan. We've watched movies together, are we dating?”

“One, you are not my type, pretty boy, and two, you didn't exactly have your dick pressed against my ass the entire time we watched a film now, did you?”

“Be q- be quiet. I don't have my dick against her ass ever.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, was it pressed against her stomach instead? I know she likes to lie on top of-”

“Derek!”

The elevator arrived, and the two quickly jumped in, to Spencer's relief.

“All I'm saying, kid, is-”

“Hold the elevator!” You shouted, running to it quickly with Penelope Garcia on your heels.

“Thanks, Spence!” You said, smiling at him as you entered the small space.

And continued your not too unsimilar conversation with Penelope.

“So, as I was saying Penelope,” you shot her a look that told her you were finished with the conversation. You were not dating Spencer Reid, and you were unlikely to in the future because of his total and complete lack of interest in you.

“You can set me up this weekend, right? It's been an age since I've been on a date, and I would really like to-” you glanced around the elevator and whispered the end of your sentence, suddenly mindful of your company. “You know.”

“If you're absolutely sure, I have a few men in mind that could throw you about, but-”

You squealed and squeezed the woman as the elevator landed on your floor and jumped out of the elevator quickly, cheeks burning.

“Thanks, Pen, you're the best!”

“Y/N, wait,” Spencer called out behind you, desperately holding the elevator open for a few more seconds.

“I thought we were doing your papers this weekend? Star trek, pizza, remember?”

You stared guiltily at the floor as you forced your voice to sound as casual as possible, not sure you could make any excuse that didn't sound pathetic.

“Oh, sorry, Spencer. I totally forgot. We can rain check, right? I… I really need this.”

Spencer was aware of what disappointment felt like, but it never hollowed out his chest like your lack of eye contact in that moment did.

“Yeah. Sure, of course. We can do that whenever.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Spencer. You're the best… friend.”

He smiled and let the door finally shut, aware of the two sets of eyes now watching him.

It took a surprisingly long time for the ‘I told you so’ to come, but come it did, as if Morgan were unable to help himself.

“You're telling me that you're not into her at all?”

“I'm…not into her like that at all.”

“And you're fine with me setting her up on a date with a man that'll do somewhat empowering, somewhat disgusting things with her?” Penelope piled on.

“What? That's…that's not my business,” he ground out.

“No. Of course it’s not. Because you're not her boyfriend.”

“Exactly, I'm not her boyfriend-”

“You're her fluffer.”

With a pat on the shoulder, the elevator hit its last stop, and Morgan exited, leaving Spencer scrambling after him as Penelope waved the two of them off.

“What? No, what's a fluffer?”

Morgan chuckled and waved him off, walking to his car.

“Come on, what's a fluffer, and why am I hers?”

“You've seen porn before, right?” The older man asked, pausing as he opened his driver side door. “Actually don't answer that. The fluffer is the person who keeps the actors and actresses… ready between takes. Prepares them for the good stuff.”

With a bright flush across his cheeks, Spencer tried his best for an indignant look, landing somewhat closer to a petulant child.

“I am not her fluffer. We have never-”

“I know you've never. If you had, we wouldn't be standing here right now having this conversation. What I'm saying is you should.”

“We're friends!”

Climbing into the car and closing the door, Morgan dismissed the younger man quickly, but he wasn't finished.

Knocking on the door, Spencer waiting a beat, then two for it to open again.

“I'm not her fluffer.”

“You build her furniture and cuddle with her. You're doing everything a boyfriend would do, without any of the boyfriend rewards.”

“What rewards?” he gasped, exasperated.

A single look was all the reply he got before Morgan out his keys into the ignition and started driving.

Spencer never made the decision to turn up at your house later that night. He just found himself all of a sudden at your front door on a Friday night, pulling out the key from the plant pot by the front door and letting himself in. Unlocking his shoes, he called out through the apartment, letting you know he was there as he slipped into the house shoes you'd bought him after the first of many movie nights.

“Spencer? We cancelled earlier, remember?” you said emerging from your bedroom, fitted in the tightest dress he'd ever seen you in. He already had no answer for your question, but seeing you like that, getting ready, he had no answer to any question at all. If you'd have asked him his name, he wouldn't have known it.

Well, he would've, but only because you'd said it only three seconds ago and had reminded him that he was, in fact, standing in your apartment when he should've been literally anywhere else.

“Um. I'm…I'm just-” he scratched the back of his neck, waiting for something to come to him.

“Spencer, I'm leaving in like an hour, so there's no time to watch a movie, and I have to get ready, so-”

“I'm… I'm angry?”

You raised an eyebrow at his questioning tone, unsure where this conversation was going.

“You sure about that?”

“Yeah..yes. I'm sure. I'm angry. We, we had plans, and you gave me like an hours notice and cancelled them to go do something stupid-”

“Spencer! I'm going on a date. That's not stupid.”

“It is when you have me!”

He half shouted, half murmured the words, as if he himself were unsure of how confident he was in making that statement.

“That came out wrong-”

“Yeah, I think it did.”

“What I mean is- I mean…Morgan said that-”

You crossed your arms and sat yourself on the arm of your sofa, looking forward at him and waiting for him to get through whatever this was. You hoped the entire time that he was saying what you'd wanted him to say for the last year and a half.

“Have you ever watched porn?”

Not what you were hoping for, but a start, at least.

“Spencer!”

“That came out wrong, I- don't throw the couch cushions at me. I have a point, I swear!”

You lowered your next projectile and gestured for him to go on, not fully relinquishing it just yet.

“I'm your fluffer! I get you…in the mood for dates, and- and- I do all the boyfriend stuff without any of the boyfriend benefits!”

He stood in front of you, red-faced, and you stared him down a second or two as you collected your thoughts.

“Do you…want the boyfriend benefits?”

“Yes! No, wait - wait a second. I- I- What are the boyfriend benefits exactly?”

You threw the pillow down and turned your back on him, not entirely sure what you were expecting from the most oblivious genius on the planet.

“Y/N, wait. Wait-”

With a hand wrapped around your wrist, Spencer spun you around, and, tripping over your feet, you landed hard on your sofa. Your fall should've been relatively pain-free, but for the 6-foot man that landed directly on top of you.

“Get up.”

“What are the boyfriend benefits?”

“You should know if you're saying you want them! Now, get up!”

“Not until you tell me.”

“Spencer!”

“Y/N!”

You groaned and writhed under him, but he just dropped his weight onto you, unmoving, hands pinning your wrists lazily, leg poking between your two, hips pinning yours.

It certainly wasn't the closest you'd ever been, but in those circumstances, during that conversation, you felt more flustered than you had before.

“What are the benefits.”

“You really want me to say? You're not afraid it's going to throw off our friendship, ruin whatever good thing we have going?”

“I think that if you go out tonight, and enjoy your date, and get a boyfriend, that he's going to feel weird about this good thing we have going and it's going to be over anyway. Tell me.”

You desperately searched for a way out of this situation, but a stronger part of you wanted to simply wrap your legs around him and let him take as much advantage as he could.

You settled for disturbing him.

“Fine. A boyfriend would be able to spank me.”

“Y/N, be serious.”

“I am. I like it. A boyfriend would pull my hair back and make me count as he hit my cute round ass until it turned all red, and I couldn't sit down comfortably anymore. A boyfriend would then kiss it better.”

You'd never spoken about sex with Spencer, and you hoped the vulgarity would force him back to his senses. Instead, he didn't stir, and you had no choice but to continue.

“Another boyfriend benefit would be choking me. I like that, too. Are your hands big enough to wrap around my throat, Spencer?”

“Yes.”

The answer came so quickly and do confidently, you weren't sure you actually heard it outlook until he spoke again.

“What other benefits, Y/N?”

“A… boyfriend would get to cum inside me,” you whispered, suddenly aware of hips rocking into yours slowly as his cock poked up, listening intently to the promises spilling from your lips that you likely should've regretted.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I want the benefits.”

Your body was hot everywhere he touched you, but he didn't move, didn't follow through on anything just yet. But you were aware of his head moving closer and closer to yours and panicked.

“And what have you done? As my fluffer? To deserve those benefits?”

“What have I done?” He asked, pulling back an inch. Even as his chest rested, flush against yours, your breasts pushed up against him as his hands held yours over your head.

“I-I bought you flowers-”

“Emily buys me flowers, too. So does Penelope. Should I let them be my boyfriend?”

With your hands in use, you took advantage of his distraction and wrapped your legs up and around his waist, rolling your hips up into him.

“I suppose I do like flowers, though. What else?”

“I… We're always t-together?”

“We work together.”

Using the leverage of his weight against yours, you rolled up harder into his hips, grinding into him slowly as you watched his resolve melt away.

“The m-movie nights are-”

“The movie nights where you rut your cock into me while we watch a movie? Friends do that all the time. You're just translating the movie for me after all.”

“Y/N, please don't-”

“Don't say that? Okay. I'll just let someone else hump against my thighs to get off because you're too proud to admit you want to sink your dick into me and pound me?”

“Y/N-”

“Maybe that's why you don't have the boyfriend privileges, Spencer. Because I'm waiting for something, you're too much of a prude to try-”

His lips meet yours before you can finish the thought, and you're not sure whether it's a triumph or a defeat.

After precisely five seconds of his lips on yours, though, you no longer cared.

Releasing your hands gently, he lifted his hips an inch, distracting you enough to force his tongue into your mouth as his hand found its way between your legs.

“Did you really mean it?” He asked between kisses as you rake your hands through his hair, getting lost in him. “About the benefits?”

You allowed yourself to imagine it for a second, Spencer's hands on your throat. His hands on your ass. His mouth buried between your legs.

You moaned into his kiss, and he laughed - actually laughed - as he pulled away.

“Spencer!”

“No, no, please, don't let me keep you from your thoughts, I'll just be down here.”

His fingers reached your clit and he wasn't surprised to find you already wet, legs spread. Snaking another hand to your neck though, he wasn't exactly as opposed to the ideas you'd flung at him as he'd acted.

You gasped as his hand closed around your neck, the prettiest necklace you'd ever worn. You grabbed a hold of his hands as he pulled your underwear off, pushing them down your legs as he gently pushed your legs open wider and replaced his fingers with his tongue.

You curled up on yourself, craving your body to watch him devour your pussy as you tried your best to keep your breaths shallow, to keep breathing entirely as he squeezed your throat.

His tongue licked and flattened, his head bobbing up and down and then stilling as your hips began moving by themselves, letting you ride his face as you moaned and whined and desperately ran towards your climax.

You wrapped a leg around his shoulder, pressing down on his back to keep him in position, grabbing a handful of hair as you jerked against his face, fucking it as he looked up at you through hooded eyes, drinking down every drop of you.

His hold on your neck tightened, and you felt your body shudder as you squeaked out his name, not wanting this to end so soon, needing to feel more of this. He let you ride it out until you were whining in frustration again, hips twitching from the friction of his tongue against your cunt.

Then he pushed away.

He wasn't gone long, but you followed him up. You thought about pushing him down to the couch again, thought about sitting on his pretty boy face and doing it all over again. You thought of turning over and presenting your ass to him, letting him punish you like you'd promised. Your thoughts ceased as quickly as they came when he pulled his cock free of his pants, not even bothering to pull them off fully before pulling you into his lap, lining himself up, and pushing you down onto his hot, hard, lengthy cock.

You swear you would've screamed if his to guess hadn't already claimed your mouth. A good scream. A “holy shit holy shit holy shit” scream. Definitely a “I didn't know it was that big, and honestly I'm a little scared” scream. But overall, a “god that feels so good” scream.

From the lack of movement, you were sure that Spencer was giving you a moment to adjust to his intrusion, and you were thankful as you clung to his neck, hands balling in the material of his shirt on his back.

Although he was bigger than expected, he wasn't uncomfortably large, and you calmed quickly, giving him a quick nod as you buried yourself in his neck, hiding your face to stop yourself from drooling, mouth wide as he tipped you back against the couch pillows, lifting your legs slightly and slipping his hands underneath yous thighs, and began his steady pace of thrusts.

You were sure your world was imploding on itself, that all your senses had ceased except that of touch, and his touch was fire. But you heard the wet, slutty sounds of your pussy welcoming him, you smelt the sweat against his skin, and, opening your eyes, you saw the absolute pleasure blasted against his features as he groaned in your ear.

And before you could form another coherent thought, he'd claimed another boyfriend benefit, as, rocking his hips against yours, he slowed to a stutter as he emptied himself inside you.

“Spencer!!” you moaned, but he wasn't done, spitting on his fingers and finding your clit again as you squealed, twitching and turning and milling his cock with your movements as you found your second release.

You moaned his name again, though it sounded less like his name this time, and more like a definite noise complaint from your neighbours in the morning.

“Spencer?” you asked, still trying to regain your breath as he, once again, collapsed on top of you.

“Mhmm,” he said, slowly pulling out of you, watching the mess you'd made together drip out too, and resisting the urge to push right back into you and go again.

“Was that a friendly fuck, or a boyfriend fuck?”

His eyes snapped to yours again as you continued.

“I just want to give Penelope the correct reason for cancelling on her friend when I text her-”

“I came inside you.”

“So you did.”

“Y/N!”

“.... So that wasn't a fluffer thing, but a boyfriend thing, got i-”

With a kiss, he shut you up again, and you realized quickly that you probably wouldn't have the time to send that text anyway.

[hyuuukais]

heyllo :3

can i request reader x chan? reader is overwhelmed but keeps it in because that’s what they see chan doing a lot of the time. but eventually it builds to a breaking point where the stress causes them to completely shut down. chan doesn’t know exactly what’s wrong so it might be cute if he just sits on the floor in front of reader and plays clips from a song he’s working on and asks for their opinion (by basically talking out loud to himself) and then after reader calms down they are able to verbalize they just need a human weighted blanket and to be told they are doing amazing and their efforts are not going unnoticed.

im fine. 🥲

just hold me, tell me you love me

pairing : chan x reader

notes : me vs the long title. anyway thank uuu for being my first request! i hope this lives up to ur expectations and can provide u some comfort 🫶 sending u hugs and love 🫂💙 sorry it's taken a bit long to get back to! kind of was getting this feeling myself and have been unable to write, but i think i'm getting back

warnings : reader is overwhelmed, mentions of anxiety, fear of opening up to someone, reader is called pet names (love, baby), reader breaks down

wc : 1.4k

All week there's been a growing pressure in your chest threatening to spill all over the floor and leave you a mess, lying on the ground with nothing else to give. Give, you've given all you can, and now that you're home, you can't do it anymore. You seek peace in the quiet of your shared bedroom, your boyfriend still at work in his studio.

Your boyfriend, who works hard day and night. Your boyfriend, who's loving and caring and sweet. Your boyfriend, who you're scared to open up to when things get really hard, because he doesn't share with you either. Although the relationship isn't fresh, going on a year and a half, there are still things you don't talk about. You don't want to burden him with your struggles when you've always been able to power through by yourself.

Fisting the sheets under you, you can feel the need to cry in your body, the hollow feeling in your chest and the tightness in your throat, but nothing comes. It's like your body knows you're too tired for even that simple of an action, for even one tear to slip. So instead, you sit the the blanket over you, face peeking out to stare at the wall with tired eyes. You can't sleep. If you close your eyes, you know you won't drift off and wake up feeling better, you'll just lie there for hours.

"Baby?"

Something spikes in you when you hear Chans voice ring out through the apartment, curling into yourself more. He shouldn't be home this early and yet, here he is, calling your name and wondering where you are; you're never in bed this early. Chan continues to call out for you until you hear the bedroom door opening quietly.

"Love?" Chans footsteps get closer, and you can feel the edge of the bed dip with his weight as he sits down. "My love..."

His hand brushes over your shoulder, but you can't face him. When you bring the blanket over your head more, he seems to get the hint, shifting to lean against the headboard next to the statue that is your body, unmoving and heavy. You can feel him fiddling beside you, and soon, a soft melody fills your ears. It's enough to distract you temporarily from the raging storm in your head, focusing on the beats, and when Chans voice comes through, it's like you can feel a sense of comfort washing over you. Although it's not enough to completely take these feelings away, you're grateful for what he's doing.

"This song has been giving me trouble," Chan comments over the music, sighing heavily. "I can't figure out if I like the chorus or not, and it feels like it's missing something in general, but I don't know what. What do you think, baby?"

Unable to answer verbally, but still wanting him to know you're listening, you roll around so you're facing him. He chuckles as you bury your face under his thigh when you see he's sitting cross-legged, the pressure on your face oddly comforting. Chan places a hand on your back, his arm resting behind your head as he rubs small circles over your thick layer of blanket. Another song starts playing after a while, another soft one, too. You relax under his touch, feeling the vibrations through his body as he hums along to this one and makes occasional comments about changes he'd like to make.

Exhaustion hits you like a ton of bricks, your eyes fluttering shut as he keep playing different songs and telling you all about them. Both of you are aware that he shouldn't be playing so much unreleased music, but all Chan cares about in this moment is you, helping you, calming you, loving you. The company will never know anyway.

"Chan," You whisper, voice barely audible. His humming stops and he pauses the music, looking down at your limp form with furrowed brows. Moving your head slightly, you're able to look up at him on an angle, the cool air of the bedroom breaching your blanket cocoon.

"What is it, baby?" Chan moves some hair from your face, leaving this palm to rest on your cheek.

"Can you just-" You clear your throat, one hand coming up to play with the hem of his shorts at his knee to calm you more. "Just hold me, tell me you love me?"

Without words, he shifts down to your level and nods. Carefully, Chan guides you to face away from him and brings you close to his body, your back pressed tightly against his chest. His chin rests on your shoulder, now enveloped inside your blanket as he holds onto you tightly, scared that if he let's go, you'll fade away. The thought of you being in so much pain, whether physical or emotional, is something he can't bear; he can't sit on the sidelines and watch you wither away. Neither of you speak as you lie there for what feels like hours, although it must only be a few minutes. The feeling of Chan's breath on your neck is oddly comforting, your own hands finding his arm around your waist and holding onto him.

Something about the way Chan is holding you, comforting you without the pressure of being asked what's wrong, has you finally breaking down. It starts small, holding back a few tears, but a few escaping despite your efforts. Then Chan shifts closer, pressing soft lips on the skin behind your ear.

"I love you, you know that? So, so much," He whispers, inhaling the scent of your shampoo as he buries his face into your hair. "You're doing amazing, baby, and I mean that. I thought... I thought something might have been wrong, but I didn't know how to go about this. I'm sorry it got to this point, I should have asked. I want you to know you can always turn to me, okay?"

His words have the dam breaking and soon enough, the sobs ripping from your chest have you gasping and hiccupping like there's no tomorrow. You don't register the way Chan tries to soothe you as he pulls you around and into his chest. Subconsciously, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and roll his body onto yours, his head sitting in the crook of your neck. The weight feels nice, grounding, and you can finally hear Chan speaking again.

"Shhh, it's okay, you're okay." Chan whispers into the skin of your neck, one of his hands smoothing back your hair. "You're okay, I'm here, now breathe, alright? Breathe, baby."

He inhales deeply, and you do your best to mimic his movements. It's shaky, but you're doing it.

"Good job, you're doing great," Chan keeps his voice low as he speaks. "Keep breathing."

It gets to the point where you don't need to think about breathing anymore, your head throbbing slightly from the sudden outburst of emotion. Chan's body stays on yours, but he props himself up enough to look at you, his palm on your cheek and his thumb wiping away any remaining tears. You can barely look him in the eye.

All he does is stare at you with those pretty, dark eyes, but you realize there's a dampness under them matching yours. You open your mouth to question it, but he shakes his head, a soft smile on his face.

"I don't want you to be in pain alone ever again." His thumb continues to caress your cheek, even though the tears have dried. "I love you too much to let you go through that. Whatever's going on, tell me when you're ready, yeah? For now, just let me gush about my beautiful partner until they're feeling better."

You can't help the small laugh that escapes you as Chan surges up to pepper your face in kisses, saying praises in between each one. With every kiss, you can feel your face heating up until you try and cover it, but he just grabs your wrists and pulls your hands away. Eventually, he slows down, pressing one last kiss directly on your lips, and settles back onto you.

"Let's stay like this for a while," Chan suggests, knowing you need it, but so does he. "My favourite place is in your arms."

-

─── taglist : @chaeryred @toplinelix @channie-143 @staysinbloom

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not having time to read my mutual's writing?

Met a mutual on here, bonded through fanfic, have been tight with them for a few years with pretty much no bumps in the relationship, just overall had a really good time hanging around them when I could. We both write a lot and share our writing, and occasionally we talk about that writing/workshop it in passing.

In the past few years I've gone through a ton of life changes. Most notably I went from a multi-person household to a single-person one, and I've been living alone in a prohibitively costly city for a while now working 40 hour weeks and barely scraping by. As soon as the transition started I spent the last of my free income on a shitty little laptop so I could still write, putting down words on my bus/train commutes in the morning and quite literally writing on my breaks at work because I feel insane when I can't create. I bring this up to really stress that I don't have the time for the hobby, I force myself to make the time and even then it never feels like enough.

The only thing I can really stand to do with my 3 hours of free time at night is hang out with my moots online. I'm an extrovert so being around people recharges me. If I don't have designated social time I get super depressed and can pretty much feel my soul withering away. I also feel like I should probably mention that I kinda have a slew of mental issues, personality disorders and PTSD and AuDHD and the works. Point being, shit is rough my dude, but I am a person who likes to work hard and face challenges head on and even though we strugglin, we doing it with a positive outlook.

But! I am an incredibly solution-oriented person and I have found what I personally believe to be a good balance. No one should have to live like this, but I do, and I have found a way to be happy. My writing and my social time is all load-bearing. It is not something I just choose to do on a whim, it's all planned and scheduled and I adhere to those routines very strictly because, I cannot stress this enough, I will go fucking bonkers if I don't.

I'm mutuals with a lot of writers obv, and I sadly don't have time to read their work anymore, unless I get some extra time on my days off or something gets cancelled or like, I end up taking a vacation. I carry a great amount of guilt for this, though, even though I logically know it's reasonable. I try to support them where I can, cheer them on when I see them writing and tell them how cool their ideas sound, hype them up even when I can't actually read & review.

One of the things I do is sometimes I leave a kudos on fic I haven't read. I'm not trying to be ingenuine, and if they asked me I'd tell them like 'Oh I didn't read it yet, just wanted to show support!' but to me it's kinda like ripping a paper tab off a poster so that other's feel inclined to do the same. Plus my pals get a little email and a hit of serotonin.

Except one of my acquaintances, the one I mentioned at the start here, saw that I left kudos on a couple pieces another mutual of mine wrote this year. They more or less blew up my DMs with a ton of accusatory (like, literally presented like a 'GOTCHA!') stuff about how I was selective in who's fic I read, more or less implying that I secretly held some sort of grudge or negative feeling toward them and was making the conscious decision not to read or interact with their writing because of. Something, I don't actually know what they were trying to say. They also told me they vented to their friends about this MULTIPLE times, but they never once approached me to let me know they were feeling paranoid or neglected, they literally just took the most bad faith reading of it possible and then presented that to me like it was something I intentionally did, while the whole time I was unaware.

I tried to explain to them the kudos thing, that I didn't do it to every story, just ones I caught/noticed in my busy schedule. And I laid all this out and asked, multiple times, what free time am I supposed to read with? They didn't answer, and doubled down, kept trying to show me 'proof' that I was shorting them and no one else. Once they started to realize how wrong they were they backed down, but they didn't really apologize, or admit they were wrong, and they tried to end our relationship and left every single server we were in together. Because of some other unrelated stuff going on in my life, I didn't really consider them to be a close friend, but they were someone I really held dear and would've walked through hell for if they'd asked.

I still feel like there is something I'm missing here, and that's why I wanted to ask if I'm TA. I'm a pretty good communicator but one of the things I told myself when talking down my disordered thoughts (guilt about this prior) was "no one in their right mind would use reading fanfic as a metric for friendship." Now that I've had that exact thing happen, I'm starting to think maybe those thoughts weren't so disordered. Maybe this IS a big deal, and I should think about it more, but I don't even know what the solution to that would be. I just. Don't have time to read something lovingly crafted and appreciate it for what it is. All the hours in my week are used up, I'd have to lose sleep for this and with my mental health the way it is that is not an option.

Feel free to be a brutal, my skin is thick. Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Let's Not Make This Complicated

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Reader x Kurt Wagner

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: unprotected sex, lots of hickeys, oral (f receiving), fingering, dp(vaginal), cockwarming kind of, creampie, everybody got dirty mouths, lots of pet names- I feel like I'm missing something but idk

Genre: hella fluff, hella smut

Summary: You Logan and Kurt are friends and Roommates, but it seems you're the only ones that see your relationship that way.

A/N: How did we get here? I don't have an answer- enjoy

***

You sigh to yourself as you slump further into the seat of your desk.

"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good." Kurt appears on your desk, shocking you slightly.

"I've told you 100 times not to teleport onto my desk Wagner!" You point at him.

"Force of habit." He shrugs. "What troubles you liebling?"

"Charles. Kind of. He wanted so badly for mutants to have a safe haven and trying to create one is- overwhelming. I hope every god in every pantheon curses William Task and that whole damn company."

"What you're doing is working fine! You put too much pressure on yourself." He frowns.

"I just- I can't help but wonder does it make sense to isolate them this way though? Mutants are not a secret anymore. Would they be better off intermingled with the rest of the world?" You sigh.

"I don't follow, do you expect kids who do not even understand themselves to introduce themselves to a world that also does not understand them? It's not the professor's school, but that's not what is needed. We meet the mutants, we bring here where they are protected and guide them until they can ride the bike on their own. Is like foster care. No?"

"Foster care?" You laugh.

"Bad comparison?" He tilts his head.

"It's a fine comparison KW it just made me laugh."

"Well that's better than the sound I heard when I got here." Kurt nods with satisfaction. A knock on the door frame of your office pulls both you and Kurt's attention to the entryway.

"Obligatory collection because you made me promise that you get away from here at least two nights a week. Oh hey Kurt, you're here tonight?" Logan leans against the frame with his arms crossed.

"With Jean." Kurt nods.

"So the residents are in at least one set of capable hands, you ready?" Logan looks at you.

"My to-do list never seems to end." You say.

"Which means it'll still be there in the morning, after you've gotten a good night's sleep." Logan walks over and practically yanks you out of your chair.

"Wait- Logan I just-"

"Nope. I don't wanna hear it." He shakes his head cutting you off.

"Should you be pulling her-"

"If I don't get her out of here now you know and I know she'll never leave on her own and I don't plan on sitting around the office an extra 3 hours while she pleads with me to do 'just one more thing' over and over again." Logan says to Kurt.

"Oh don't do that you make me sound like an incurable workaholic." You kiss your teeth at him as you grab your keys and bag.

"You are! I have to make sure you don't sleep here! You'd be screwed if you lived alone." Logan says.

"Disagree! Kurt would you let me stay here 24/7 if we didn't all share a place?"

"Of course not liebling I would take you home myself if need be but I don't believe Logan would leave you either even if we didn't all live together." Kurt winks.

"I would." Logan scoffs.

"Thank you Kurt. I'd better go before the big bad wolf tries to blow my house down. Good luck tonight, call if you need anything!"

"He'd better not, we all live there." Kurt smiles.

"Do not call her!" Logan warns as he pulls you out of the office.

"Why would you say that? What if they have an emergency?" You pout.

"Then they should call emergency services! Kurt and Jean are adults more than capable of handling an emergency without you. You are supposed to be off tonight. If you insist I make sure you leave work semi-regularly you have to leave work when I come all the way down here just to pick you up and you can't just be on call at home otherwise you'll never actually get any rest." Logan says opening the passenger door and guiding you into his car.

"You make a great mother hen you know." You quip.

"One of these days I'll just leave you to rot in that office chair of yours." He rolls his eyes as he slides in and shuts the door.

"Kurt wouldn't allow that." You stick your tongue out.

"So have Kurt be your overwork prevention monitor."

"Kurt's hardly at home! You didn't even know he was working tonight."

"Yeah so don't complain about how I do it." He says.

"Be honest, you'd feel some type of way if I started asking Kurt to take me home instead of you." You say.

"Oh no, please ask Kurt instead. I'm sure it's easier for him since he can teleport."

"Fine then, next time I'll just ask Kurt to take me."

"I'd love to see that." Logan scoffs.

"You will. As soon as I work another day shit. Don't bother coming to get me. I'm serious." You say matter-of-factly.

"If you say so." He hums. You let the conversation end there, enjoying the rest of the drive in silence ready to shower and head to bed for the night.

"Liebling!" Kurt comes strolling into your office quickly drawing your attention away from your email.

"Yes Kurt?" You ask.

"I think it's time for us to get outta here." He says.

"What time is it?"

"It's 9:30, and Henry and Storm are here to take over."

"Oh- did you tell them about the-"

"The new kids wreaking havoc? Yes they are prepared. Storm is- Storm she can more than handle them and Henry can handle the nice ones." Kurt shrugs. "Come now, shut down your computer, let's go home." Kurt walks over to you and spins your chair to face him. He leans forward, resting his hands on the armrests of the chair.

"Kurt-"

"Liebling, the kids here need you, yes but you can only be here for them if you're alive and preferably well-rested. Come home with me." Kurt says softly.

"What did I miss out on?" Logan's voice surprises you both. Kurt backs off and you turn your head towards the door.

"Logan? What are you doing here?" You ask.

"Coming to make sure you get home at a reasonable hour like I always do." He says.

"I told you Kurt was going to do that. Remember you whined about it last week so I said I'd have Kurt take care of it." You frown.

"I didn't think you were serious." He scoffs.

"What's the big deal? We all live together. As long as she gets home, who cares?" Kurt shrugs.

"Yeah Logan, what's the big deal?" You ask.

"There isn't one." Logan grits out.

"Then I will take her home and we'll meet you there." Kurt says.

"Man I drove all the way here, aren't you just going to teleport?"

"If it's such a hassle to drive home now you can always spend the night here Logan. You know where my room is." You suggest. Logan's eyes narrow and you briefly peak into his thoughts to see what those eyes are conveying.

What is she trying to get me out of the apartment?

"I am not!" You gasp.

"Not what?" Kurt frowns, looking between the two of you.

"Stay the fuck outta my head we've talked about that." Logan says.

"Everything with you is such a big secret." You say.

"And I'm allowed to keep whatever secrets I want."

"If you guys are going to continue this bickering may I suggest that you do it at home so we can all get out of here?" Kurt butts in.

"You can leave if you want Kurt." Logan says.

"Logan that was rude." You say. He takes in a deep breath.

"My bad Kurt."

"Ah no worries I'm more than familiar with your abrasive tendencies." Kurt shrugs.

"Well, since you drove all the way here already anyway Logan, can we all just ride home together?"

"Yeah. Fine." Logan says. Kurt grabs your bag before you can get to it, and the three of you leave your office. Back at your apartment, you quickly leave the boys to go take a shower.

"Kurt man what's going on with you and y/n?" Logan asks Kurt once you're safely out of earshot.

"What's going on with me and y/n? What's going on with you and y/n? You clearly did not like me bringing her home. Trouble in paradise?"

"Don't do that."

"I don't understand if you like her so much why you do nothing."

"It's complicated, we all live together."

"Do not factor me into this equation." He shakes his head.

"You act as if you like her more than I do, it's hard not to factor you in."

"Are you threatened?"

"Excuse me?"

"By the idea that I may also like her? Does it bother you?"

"Do you like her?"

"I didn't say I do."

"That's why I'm asking. Do you?"

"Would it matter?"

"What is your goal Kurt?"

"I'm not your enemy Logan. You don't have to glare at me as though you wish to blow me up where I stand."

"You won't answer my question."

"I won't try to get in your way." Kurt shrugs.

"You won't- so you do like her too? We can't fight over our roommate Kurt."

"Who said anything about fighting? I just said I wouldn't get in your way."

"Kurt be realistic, you can't help yourself. You call her liebling and carry her bag for her and flirt like it's breathing- you're impossible not to like. The moment she catches on she'll obviously want you."

"You underestimate your own rugged charm. The grumpy but caring thing seems to work well for you. Especially with her, she clearly likes you despite your callousness."

"If it's between the two of us-"

"The choice is hers, if we insist on her making one." Kurt shrugs.

"What're we making?" You ask. How long were you standing there? How much did you hear? Why did neither of them notice you coming down the hall.

"Nothing." Logan says.

Oh Logan- this secrecy only hurts you. Why not tell her the truth?

"But Kurt said-"

"It's nothing." Logan says. "I'm going to bed. You should too." He grumbles going into his room and shutting the door behind him.

"What truth won't Logan tell me?" You ask Kurt.

"Do not ask me that liebling, you know I cannot lie to you but it would be a betrayal of Logan's trust to answer."

"I'm sorry Kurt- you're right. Have a goodnight, I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight Logan!" With that, you go back to your room with your unanswered questions.

A knock at your office door interrupts your conversation with Kurt and Logan while you all eat lunch. It's not often you're all here at the same time but when you do these little lunches in your office are a staple. In fact, even when they aren't both here if one of them is they'll find you around lunchtime and that's usually how you know it's time to eat.

"Come in!" You call not really wanting to get up from your desk.

"Hey Y/n."

"Oh Hey Storm."

"Am I interrupting?"

"Of course not! Boys, leave please so I can talk to Storm." You say.

"Discarded like yesterday's newpaper. How she wounds us." Logan says dramatically.

"Oh hush if I wanted to discard you I'd move." You roll your eyes.

"But you won't liebling, right?" Kurt asks.

"Move? If you two don't take the theatrics out of my office I just might."

"Logan!" Kurt looks at him.

"There there Kurt- she's only teasing. She wants to hurt us."

"I want to have privacy for a chat with Storm please." You say. "Logan I love that you're in such high spirits today let's use that energy well, go find a group of our kids and teach a lesson or something just scram, the both of you."

"You do not have to tell us twice." Kurt says.

"I've already told you more than once." You say. Logan and Kurt throw their hands up in surrender and leave your office finally, shutting the door behind them. "You would think they were mentees here not authority figures." You shake your head with a sigh.

"What's up with the boyfriends today?"

"Whay boyfriends?"

"Logan and Kurt. Why they being so dramatic?"

"Logan and Kurt are not my boyfriends."

"Logan and Kurt are absolutely your boyfriends."

"Okay where did you get that nutty theory?"

"Because whenever they're here they're always around you, and if they're not around you they're usually talking about you, they take turns bringing you lunch, and Kurt calls you liebling, and Logan sometimes sleeps in your room here and they;re always at your beck and call- and also- whatever that just was before they left you can't convince that wasn't the dramatics of a pair of boyfriends that like to annoy their girlfriend."

"Kurt, Logan, and I are friends. You know this Storm. We live together so our dynamic is- a bit unconventional I'll admit, but they aren't my boyfriends."

"So you live with them, they obsess over you, take turns doing literally anything you ask for you, and act like the world is ending if they don't have your attention. All that together sounds like a boyfriend to me so I guess the real question should by why aren't they your boyfriends?"

"Logan and Kurt are not interested in being my boyfriends." You roll your eyes.

"Did you ask them?"

"Why would I?"

"Because they act like your boyfriends?"

"Storm-"

"You didn't say you don't want them to be your boyfriends."

"That doesn't-"

"Do you want them to be your boyfriends?"

"I didn't say that!"

"But you didn't say no either."

"It's a nonissue! My answer to that is irrelevant because this is a hypothetical that would never come true."

"Those men are you boyfriends in every way except name. Just kiss them both and make it official."

"You are insane!"

"Maybe but I'm also right. They already treat you like you're their whole world. Sign seal and deliver that shit already put us all out of the misery of watching those two fools follow you around like abandoned lovesick puppies."

"Why abandoned?!"

"Because you don't seem to notice they worship the ground you walk on? And besides if you give them the titles we all know the following won't stop but at least they'll get to crack you like a glowstick every so often."

"Girl!"

"What? I'm sure they're great at it." She shrugs.

"You're impossible."

"Insane, impossible, but still correct. Button it up darling. Face facts they're in love with you. If you're not interested nip it already, but if you are interested- tell them- so everyone can stop pretending you guys aren't already functionally in a throuple." Storm says.

"Okay that's enough about that aspect of my personal life please." You huff.

"Fine, but I expect you to handle that situation quickly."

"Storm."

"Okay. All done." She throws her hands up.

"Thank you." You sigh. That seems to be the end of it with Storm, although you continue thinking about it for the rest of the day. It's in the back of your head for the next couple of days actually, so the next time you're all at home you decide you need to put this to bed, now.

"Hey guys, you got a minute?" You ask when you catch them in the living room together.

"Sure we're just watching tv." Kurt says. You take a seat on the coffee table, facing the two men.

"So, I had a conversation with Storm recently and she- kind of implied- well no not implied she said it pretty explicitly actually- Storm seems convinced that you two have feelings for me." You say.

"What?" Logan scoffs. Kurt's gaze is watchful, darting between you and Logan.

"In fact Storm made it sound like it's such an obvious thing that everyone but me knows you two are in love with me."

"And do you believe her?" Logan asks. The question comes out far more assured than Logan feels asking it.

"I- believe that she believes it. And that's... something. Not sure quite what yet but it's something." You say.

"So- is something wrong? Did Storm upset you?" Kurt frowns.

"Well- no I just wanna know if I'm missing some big neon sign above our heads that everyone else can see. Are th- are the two of you in love with me?" Your gaze snaps back and forth between the two men. They glance at each other and you're sure there's something unspoken being discussed.

"Of course we love you y/n." Logan says.

"Are you playing a semantics game with me? I know you love me I asked if you were in love with me. Different thing." You say. Kurt glances at Logan briefly.

"I am. I won't speak for Logan but Storm is correct in saying that I am in love with you." Kurt confessess with a shrug. Logan looks at him in something akin to shock.

"Logan? Now would be a good time to tell me Storm's crazy." You say.

"I can't." He shakes his head.

"Why not?"

"Because she's right. We're both in love with you." Logan says.

"And neither of you were going to say anything?"

"We didn't want to comlicate things what with the whole living together, plus asking you to pick between us seemed like a recipe for disaster." He explains.

"You'd have me choose between you?" You ask.

"No. That's why we never brought it up."

"Everyone seems to think you're both my boyfriends."

"What?" Kurt blinks.

"According to Storm we are functionally a throuple."

"What the fuck is a throuple?" Logan asks.

"Three plus couple equals throuple." You explain.

"Do we really behave like that?" Kurt frowns.

"Storm's 'evidence' to support the claim consists of you guys constantly being around me, us regularly eating lunch, and the fact that you take turns making sure I don't work too hard. So I guess it depends on how much of that feels romantic to you. But given that you guys do in fact have feelings for me, I guess it is."

"So what happens now?" Kurt asks.

"We're not making you choose between us." Logan says.

"I know, I know. But- we can't just go on like we didn't have this conversation." You say.

"So what do you suggest? Because I'm not willing to lose you, either of you over this." Logan says.

"Okay well don't make it sound like somebody's dying sheesh." You say.

"If- according to Storm we appear to the world as a throuple do we have to change anything outwardly? We could just- officially be a throuple. Right? That's an option." Kurt says.

"What would that even look like?" Logan frowns.

"I assume not very different from how we already act- except now we get to kiss." Kurt shrugs.

"Y/n?" Logan looks at you.

"Yes?"

"How do you feel about- being a throuple?" He asks.

"I can't think of enough cons to protest the idea so- I guess I like the idea if that's what you boys want." You say.

"You can think of cons?" Kurt frowns.

"Just that some people may react unsavorily to it but that's really more their problem than ours." You shrug. "So- Kurt, Logan, will you guys be my boyfriends?" You smile.

"I'd be honored." Kurt says.

"Will you  be our girlfriend?" Logan asks.

"Yes I will." You nod. Logan pulls you off the coffee table and onto his lap, kissing you. When he pulls away from the kiss Kurt turns your attention to him, kissing you too. You shift a bit in Logan's lap and his hands snap up to your hips as he groans. The sound makes you pull back from Kurt with an inquisitive look.

"You can't move like that babygirl I... only have so much self control." Logan says hoarsly.

"I don't need you to have self control ya know. Not with me anyway." You shrug.

"Don't say that- you'll get more than you bargained for."

"Or, I'll get exactly what I bargained for." You grind against Logan's crotch.

"You know princess, it would be easier to just say you want us to have our way with you." Kurt says kissing your neck.

"Would that get Logan to stop trying to be a gentleman for once?" You sigh melting against Kurt's touch.

"He would never deny you a direct request like that, he couldn't."

"Logan, would you quit being all rigid if I outright asked me to fuck me?" You pout at him, trailing a hand over his chest.

"Isn't it- a bit soon to be... ah thinking about that?"

"Are you telling me you haven't wanted to rail me for months? All that pining hasn't made you even a little pent up?" You ask.

"I certainly can't say that." Kurt says between kisses and nips at your throat.

"That's not what I'm saying at all I just- I respect you too much to skip ahead to-"

"Logan. I'm asking you to. Can you respect me enough to know what I want?"

"Of course."

"Well right now I want you and Kurt to, how'd you put it baby?" You turn to Kurt.

"Have our way with you." He smiles wolfishly.

"Sure, that." You drawl. "Come on Logan, have your way with me."

"We've been dating five minutes and you're trying to kill us already." Logan groans kissing you. You feel Kurt's tail wind around your waist, as he continues to litter your throat with kisses and hickeys. When you let out a moan, Logan slips his tongue between your parted lips. You don't realize it until you finally pull away from Logan to breathe, but Kurt at some point teleports the three of you to his bedroom. Kurt pulls your shirt over your head and both men react audibly.

"Son of a bitch." Logan groans.

"Christ almighty." Kurt sighs.

"It's a lot more fun to touch than just look ya know." You giggle sliding off of Logan's lap to sit between them.

"You are so beautiful liebling." Kurt says giving you a kiss.

"Thank you darling." You hum.

"You know princess, I've been absolutely dying to taste you." Logan says kissing along your throat, sucking hickeys to match the ones Kurt's already scattered across your skin.

"Have you now?" You moan.

"More than anything." Logan mutters.

"Well let's make that happen for him liebling." Kurt says grabbing your body. He shifts so you're sitting between his legs with yours spread out, near the edge of the bed so Logan can comfortably fit. "Oh shoot, we'll need to get rid of her shorts." Kurt tsks.

"That I can take care of." Logan smirks. He extends his claws and shreds your shorts and panties at the same time.

"Hey I liked those shorts." You frown.

"I'll buy you a replacement pair. Hell I'll buy you one in every color if you want princess." Logan says.

"You know Logan, you can't eat and talk." Kurt hums. He trails his hands up your sides to grasp your tits. "Weren't you just saying you're dying to taste her?"

Logan licks a slow stripe between your folds that causes you to let out a shuddering breath.

"Even better than I could've dreamed." He mutters before burying his face between your thighs. Logan laps eagerly at your center, loudly slurping as he practically devours you. Kurt wraps his tail around your center when you squrim.

"Hold still liebling, Logan's trying to enjoy your pretty pussy." Kurt says. You moan, grinding against Logan's mouth. His tongue is fierce against you and on top of that Kurt is teasing your nipples between firm fingers.

"Oh god." You sigh tipping your head back against Kurt's shoulder.

"No liebling, we're not god. Of course, we could always help you see him." Kurt says. Logan wraps his lips around your clit, making you jerk as you let out a yelp. It's intense and almost overwhelming, and with Kurt toying with your nipples too you can feel your orgasm approaching quickly.

"Fuck I'm close- Logan please don't stop." You whine.

"That's it pretty girl, let go for us." Kurt says. Your belly tightens and your release hits with a whimper.

"Damn you're absolutely gorgeous when you cum." Logan sighs.

"Now you guys are trying to kill me." You joke.

"Kurt you've gotta see it for yourself man." Logan says.

"I can't be the only one naked here." You say prompting Logan and Kurt to shuffle out of their clothes quickly. You push Kurt onto his back and straddle him, taking a moment to drag your hands across his chest. "God you two are hot." You sigh, letting your eyes roam over Logan's body.

"You're one to talk dollface." Logan winks at you. "Although I can't say I mind the ogling going on here."

"Well when you look as good as you do." You smirk. You raise yourself up and wrap your hand around Kurt's dick, carefully sliding yourself onto him with a moan. Kurt grunts as you settle over him.

"She feel good Kurt?" Logan asks.

"Very."

"It's written all over your face babes." Logan chuckles.

"Oh please if it was you in my position you wouldn't be laughing like that." Kurt rolls his eyes but there's a playful tone to his voice.

"I'm sure we can test that theory." Logan says.

"I can see an idea in your eyes." Kurt says.

"Well, I was just thinking, who says we have to wait to find out? What do you say princess? Think you could take us both at once?" Logan gently trails his fingers down your back.

"Oh-" the idea has breathless just considering it.

"You don't have to of course-"

"Don't bother. You wouldn't believe how tightly she just clenched around me at the idea." Kurt cuts Logan off before he can finish offering you an out.

"Did she now? Well I gotta hear her say it. Tell me princess, do you wanna be stuffed with two cocks at once?" Logan asks.

"Please." You whisper, shift on top of Kurt and the movement makes him groan.

"Lean foward for me then." Logan says softly, gently urging you towards Kurt. You can sense Logan's hand near you, but he doesn't start by touching you, his fingers first drag over the base of Kurt's dick.

"Hey! You're supposed to be prepping her for this, not me." Kurt jerks up, thrusting into you and making you moan.

"Who says I can't do both?" Logan muses. You can't see him but you can practically hear the smirk on his lips.

"Well if you want me to last long enough for you to shove your dick in with mine I suggest you focus those fingers on her, not me." Kurt grits out.

"Fine, fine." Logan cedes. He carefully slides a finger into your pussy, it's a tight fit but after a bit of thrusting he's able to squeeze a second and a third, by which point you're practically quivering with all the sensation. Logan stretches you on his fingers for several minutes before eventually pulling the digits from you. "I think that's enough prep. Now, I'm gonna need you to take a deep breath for me princess." Logan says as he lines himself up with your entrance. You breathe in shakily and then slowly, ever so slowly, Logan begins to push himself into your pussy. It's a lot, so much, almost too much, and you whimper with every inch Logan slide into you. Your eyes are squeezed shut and you're nails are digging into Kurt's shoulders by the time Logan's fully seated in you.

"Liebling? Open your eyes for me sweetheart." Kurt coos gently, stroking your face. It takes a moment but eventually you manage to pry your eyes open. "Are you alright?" He asks.

"S-s-s-sssoo f-ff-full." You whine.

"Too much?" Kurt asks, panting a bit himself. You imagine the feel of Logan rubbing up against him wasn't exactly pleasureless.

"N-no, j-j-j-just move, please." You choke out.

"We'll start slow." Logan promises as he starts to rock his hips. It takes them a moment to sort out a rhythm that works for them but soon they're both sliding in and out of you in sync, it's slow and each drag of their dicks feels like it's tearing you apart in the best possible ways as you're reduced to nothing but shaky moans, loud whines, and barely coherent pleading. Eventually, slow and gentle gradually grows in intensity until it's fast enough to have you screaming as your orgasm hits you with a force that completely blindsides you. The spasming of your walls around them has Logan and Kurt grunting and groaning as they chase their own releases and it doesn't take much longer for them to follow you over the edge. None of you move for several minutes, desperately trying to catch your breaths.

"How's that for having our way with you?" Logan eventually breaks the silence making you and Kurt giggle.

"Funny, earlier you said I was trying to kill you. That? That was attempted murder right there." You joke back.

"We should get you cleaned up." Kurt says kissing your forehead.

"No way. I can't move." You groan and both of them laugh.

"We've got you princess don't worry." Logan says.

"You were right about her face when she orgasms by the way Logan, absolutely gorgeous. But so is yours." Kurt winks.

"You don't look too bad either." Logan quips back. "Gonna pull out now baby, alright?" Logan warns you before carefully pulling out of you. You whine as he does, both from the sudden change and from the way you feel the combination of his, Kurt's, and your releases start to ooze out of you upon his exit.

"Fuck me." He groans.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asks him with a frown.

"Yeah, hang on, don't move." Logan quickly grabs something off the night stand but it's not until you hear the sound of a camera shutter that you deduce it's someone's phone. Probably Kurt's. "She's leaking cum like like a waterfall and fuck if it isn't making me wanna stuff her full all over again." He explains.

"We clean her up and let her get some rest first, then we can discuss that possibility." Kurt says. Logan and Kurt carefully lift you off of Kurt, and Logan carries you to the bathroom where both of them clean you up and then themselves. Once most of the evidence of your sexcapades is gone Logan carries you to your room where they sandwich you in bed, putting on a movie and holding you close as you snuggle between them. It's funny, you'd never really thought about it before but in hindsight, now that it's official, you kind of guess you've been their girlfriend for a lot longer than today. And honestly, you're perfectly fine with that.

***

[svtcrus]

───── `✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃 BABY LOVE ME EVENT SERIES

DRAGON OUT OF WATER || NEUVILLETTE X AFAB!READER

SMUT , MDNI

NOTE : neuvi is implied a dragon [not physically] nothing beyond that plot, dom!neuvilette , semi public s3x (they fuck at a lake), rough play , fingering , overstimulation , big pp

synopsis : you & neuvillette are having a date at a secret lake in fontaine, & things end up getting a little heated with the hydro dragon.

neuvillette had suggested the idea of taking you out to this secret lake, secluded from all eyes. he was still learning on how unique humans can be. interacting and creating relationships with humans wasn't his best skill but he tries his best everyday.

this intimate relationship he has with you is a whole new world for him, he's learnt to love through you. and garner quite a lot of human knowledge from you.

moreover neuvillette has also experienced new emotions that leave him quite flustered at times.

he was like a fish out of water .

these fluttery feelings which leave him so hot inside him has him confused. unbeknownst he's thinking such ludicrous fantasies of you, a surge of heat building up from within. however, neuvillette forces himself to hold back, for he doesn't want to be pleading guilty at you for such pervertedness. you were too much of an angel.

this date was intended to be a peaceful romantic time between the two of you. no ill intentions at all. so why is your dragon of a boyfriend walking his way to you with a dark look in his lavender eyes?

it wasn't supposed to end up like this.

but when neuvillette saw you in your skimpy little swimsuit it was like a fire had lit inside him— he could feel his dick swell at the sight.

making the attempt to "put out" this heat by swimming, he'd expected to feel okay right after, since it's worked before whenever stressed. except he didn't. instead he felt worse, and the tent that was growing in his shorts wasn't helping his case either.

"archons.. I can't hold back anymore. c'mere." those slender fingers of his are grabbing either side of your face, forcefully bringing you in for a kiss. your gasp is replaced with a sudden moan, neuvillette uses this to push his tongue into your mouth. the kiss is sloppy albeit. nevertheless his soft lips are melting so easily with yours with such passion, it's making you wet.

your hands are tangling into his wet silver locks, droplets of water are dripping from his toned body onto your own. his free hand is gripping your waist with such obscene force, to simply lay you down on the mat.

only then he feels the tug on his roots that he finally pulls away.

"I.. I couldn't help myself.." he claims— you're both panting, desperately in need for oxygen. lips are swollen, cheeks burning red. your face is displaying something he hasn't seen before.

he's thinking he's screwed up.

"I.. forgive me y/n I shouldn't ha-"

"don't stop." you cut him off. pushing yourself back up, hands grabbing onto his to guide them back across your body. they trace from your hips, to your waist, then to your chest. lewd sounds are slowly leaving those plump lips of yours, his hands unconsciously fondling your breasts through your swimsuit.

"it's okay neuvi.. mm. just touch me like that.." again that flame is ignited, and he's leaning back into you for another kiss. this time its more gentle.

it wasn't supposed to end up like this.

the lustful dragon is now fingering your sopping entrance, in broad daylight. ramming you with three whole fingers, you already felt so full. yet so hungry at the same time.

"like this? do you like it when I do this ma belle?" there he was with that nickname. my beautiful. so shy, so beautiful atop of him. straddled on his lap, movements are feverish, and chasing for a release. your arms are thrown over his broad shoulders all while your whimpers, whines, cries, call out his name.

"neuvillette!"

a loud moan escapes you, the chief is sucking in a breath watching you quiver from his fingers alone. he's never seen someone at his mercy like this before. the heaving, your head on his shoulder, nails digging into his pale skin. cunt all sloppy and wet just for him— fuck.

the way his fingers circle your drenched cunt before entering your tight hole to fuck you once more. he's persistent to make you cum once more, overstimulating your poor pussy.

"m'stop baby.. please~! I need—hngh!" you can barely let out coherent words. look at you. so fucked to the point you cannot even think of anything besides him? how cute.

"what is it do you need sweetheart? hm?" his fingers that are covered in your slick begins to wriggle out his length. lubricating his cock with your sweet juices. not to mention that he's hard, unbelievably hard.

"do you want this ma belle? want me to fill you up?" what comes out of your mouth is another whimper, your mind is too hazy to respond. he lets out a chuckle— oh archons he wants to devour you whole.

then and there along the lake shoreline, this beastly man is rutting himself into you. your pleasantries provide him with furthermore motivation to continue fucking into your velvet walls.

muscular arms around your waist, inhaling your sugary scent, it's got him growling while his cock pounds in and out of you.

you're sucking him in so well, squeezing around his girth like you're asking him for more. this. this feeling. he doesn't want to forget it, nor does he want to stop it.

rather than a fish, neuvillette was a dragon out of water, whose found himself addicted to your whole body.

@svtcrus || 08.19.23 ; BABY LOVE ME EVENT

©️ all rights reserved. do not copy / plagiarize , modify or use my work .

[chippedshake]

Darry helping Pony out with some bullies and a six-year-old Ponyboy running up to him a week later with a comic in his hand, saying "Darry, Darry, look, he's just like you!"

And it's a Superman comic book, open to a page where he's fighting a villain and bringing some civilians to safety

"See? He's helping people like you helped me!"

Darry just laughing and ruffling his hair

"Sure, Pony, I'm Superman."

And going back to his homework

But Ponyboy won't let it go. He starts calling him Superman and gets Soda in on it. Two-Bit absolutely cackles the first time he hears it and instantly plays along. Then Johnny starts saying it too, maybe a bit as a joke, but also because he's thinking about how Darry helps him with his homework sometimes and helped scare those Socs away and gave him a hug when he found him in the lot. Steve starts once Darry grows up and actually starts looking like Superman and by the time Dally gets there, he doesn’t even question it.

Darry laughs at first. Jokes about it. Then he starts hearing people talking about Superman and thinks, for a second, that they're talking about him before he remembers that it's just his family that calls him that.

By the time Ponyboy's eight, no one remembers how it started, no one cares about how it started, it just is.

Then it's a Tuesday evening when Darry's twenty and he's getting home from ten hours of heavy-lifting and has to cook dinner and the bills are due and he feels like collapsing onto the couch and sleeping for three days, but he doesn't have the fucking time to sleep because Pony has to go to school and Soda has to not oversleep and they have to have something to eat for dinner and he needs to convince Johnny he can stay over and isn't a burden and Two-Bit can't be getting too drunk because he needs to graduate goddammit and Steve might be kicked out tonight and needs to have somewhere to sleep and Dally needs some sort of constant in his life and it's too much and Darry's just twenty, he can't do it anymore–

"Darry, Darry, look, he's just like you!"

And suddenly Ponyboy's hopeful eyes are looking up at him, seeing Superman instead of his big brother because he helped fight off some Socs.

But that isn't enough anymore. He can't just fight off some Socs and come home and do his seventh grade homework. He needs to somehow keep his family together, make sure they all have a place to sleep and food to eat. And he can't falter, can't fail for a second because he's Superman, and Superman is invincible. Doesn't feel pain. Doesn't get tired. Doesn't let anything get him down.

"Hey there, Darry. Everything good?" Steve walks into their house without knocking.

"Yeah, just a bit tired." Darry sits up from where he’d been leaning back on the couch. Can't be tired. Can't be weak. "You kicked out again?"

"Yeah. Cool if I hang out here tonight?" Darry nods, stifling a yawn as he gets up. "What's for dinner?"

"Uh..." He glances towards the kitchen, trying to remember what they have. "Not sure. I'll figure it out."

"Need anything from the grocery store?"

Darry shrugs. "I can get it myself."

"I don't mind. You look beat."

"I'm fine," Darry says instinctively.

Steve snorts. "Okay. Need anything? I'm gonna go buy some cigs anyway."

"Uh..." Darry opens the near-empty fridge and sighs. "Some spaghetti for tonight. Get some chicken, too, we'll make it tomorrow. And a couple apples so you idiots eat some fruit."

"Got it."

Darry starts digging around for his wallet.

"Don’t worry. S'on me. Still got some from when the old man kicked me out two weeks ago."

"Steve, I can't ask you to–"

"Then it's a good thing you ain't askin'."

They stare off for a few moments before Darry relents.

"Thanks, Steve."

Steve nods. "No problem, Superman." He gives a mock salute and walks out the door.

Darry stares at the empty doorway for a couple seconds before he snaps out of it and starts cleaning up in case the state decides to poke around. He knows it isn't sustainable. They can't go on like this forever, he can't take care of his brothers alone forever.

He knows he isn't really Superman.

But maybe if he lets himself get help, he doesn’t have to be.

[myuminji]

Just a comic about two people catching up again [Angel AU]

[ID: A Trigun comic of Wolfwood after his death in Trigun Maximum.

Abbreviated ID: Wolfwood is now an angel with wings and a halo tied to his grave. He cannot be seen or heard by others, but Livio visited his grave and mostly filled him in on the finale, and Wolfwood waits for Vash to show up. When he does, Wolfwood is stunned and worried by his black hair, though he deems Vash fine when he pulls out drinks for them both.

Vash pours the drinks and talks. He confesses that he killed someone and calls himself a coward and the worst, apologizing for being selfish and not saving Wolfwood. Wolfwood angrily shouts that everything was his decision, and Vash is an idiot for blaming himself.

He says that Vash has done so much for Wolfwood and for others, and he calls Vash brave. Vash falls asleep with tears in his eyes, but he seems lighter when he wakes up. Vash leaves, promising to return, and Wolfwood says that he'll "watch him from afar... again." The title is "#1 'What happened to your hair?'". Full ID below readmore in 21 paragraphs.

The comic starts with a dark, noise-filter panel of the Punisher being used as Wolfwood's gravestone, with the quote "Nicholas D. Wolfwood has died" written over it.

Below that is Wolfwood, who has wings and a halo. He sits pensively and narrates, "At least, that's what everyone has come to believe, including me. Yet here I am, still roaming on this damn barren planet... But I wouldn't say I'm quite alive anymore. Since I couldn't feel hunger or thirst like I used to." He thinks, "'Ghost,' like those horror stories was it?"

He narrates over sketchy panels of himself frowning while floating next to his grave and yelling at Livio. "There, are other things I found that fits the term, like how I can't bring myself to far too far from my grave, or how others can't see me at all." We see Livio tearing up and saying "Nico-nii..." while Wolfwood furiously waves his arms and shouts, "I am!! Here!!!!"

Livio is shown speaking with a teary smile while Wolfwood leans against Punisher and listens. Wolfwood says, "Livio is the first and only person I've met so far. And luckily, he was quite a storyteller. I was able to get a grasp of the situation, and its aftermath. And what happened to him in the end."

Livio smiles and says, "It's been three months ever since... But even if we couldn't get ahold of him now, I'm sure he'll come back to you someday." Wolfwood narrates, "—And knowing that idiot, he probably would."

A close-up of Vash's coat in the wind as Wolfwood narrates, "So it didn't come as a surprise to me when he visited my grave. I'd even thought up of things to say when we meet again. Everything was thrown out of the window when he appears, of course. I could vividly remember the one question that burns in my head..."

Wolfwood looks shocked as Vash, hair fully black, waves cheerfully, "Yo! It's been a while, hasn't it? Wolfwood." Below the two floats the question: "#1 'What happened to your hair?'"

Wolfwood sweats, "Spikey, your hair. Doesn't it mean... Are you okay???" Vash smiles sheepishly, "Ah, I hope you're not mad I didn't come sooner, don't haunt me please..." Wolfwood shouts, "That's not the problem right now!!" Vash pulls something out and exclaims, "But look what I got for you!! Alcohol!!!" Wolfwood shouts, "What sort of person do you see me as!?"

Vash excitedly pulls out a bottle and two shot glasses. "It's not the only reason why I'm late, but it did took me a month to hunt this down... I recall you said you wanted to try them, right?" Wolfwood buries his face in his hands and says, "Where the hell are your priorities... You know what, yeah. I'm not gonna ask anymore since you look fine."

Vash smiles a bit tiredly and says, "Hmm,, I'm glad this place hasn't turn to ruins yet~ I've still got lots I need to tell you that's happened out there! And I thought it's better to talk about it with drinks on the side…" He clinks two glasses together. "So, cheers! ..."

He and Wolfwood are both awkwardly silent, and Vash sweats and frowns nervously. Then he pours a glass onto the ground, and Wolfwood furiously shouts, "D'ya really expect me to drink off the ground!? Stupid needle noggin!!!!!"

Vash laughs sheepishly, and he speaks via empty speech bubbles while Wolfwood listens, drinking with a small smile. Vash says, "... And when that happened I..." He drops his gaze and says between long pauses, "I..... When that happened......" Wolfwood watches him seriously as he says, "... Say. Wolfwood, is this how you've felt all the time?"

Vash looks down sadly. "You I see, I... killed someone in the end." He laughs, eyebrows drawn in. "I guess you're right. I am bound to choose someday." He takes another sip, then downs it and falls backwards. "Isn't it funny? That I've called you a coward once for killing... But guess who's the coward now~? It's always been me, isn't it?"

Vash lies on his back and laughs. "... Haha. I wonder if you're laughing too. I really am the worst, aren't I?" Wolfwood looks down as Vash continues, "You've done so much for me, but all I've caused you are troubles. I was selfish, always chasing after my own goals... That you couldn't ask for my help. That I couldn't save you. Just what kind of friend am I?"

Vash scrubs his eyes with an arm and says shakily, "Sorry... Wolfwood... I'm so sorry..." A close-up panel of his mouth shows Wolfwood saying, "... Just so you know--" Expression unimpressed, he exclaims, "There's no way in hell I'm accepting that lousy apology! You drunkard!"

He stands up and seems to kick Vash, who's still on the ground and mostly out of sight. Wolfwood demands, "Why are you even sorry for something like that, huh?? I chose my own path. It was all my decision! How many times do I say it to get it stick in that thick head of yours? Stop. Blaming. Yourself. For the things. You've not done. Idiot! Stupid spikey hair!!"

Vash's face is cut off, but a tear in his eye can be seen as he weakly says, "... oof.. wood..." Wolfwood looks tired and sighs, "... Ha... Don't feel bad about me. Until when will you realise just how much you've done for us? You've done more than enough for me, Needle Noggin."

The perspective zooms out to focus on the sky and two moons, including the fifth moon. Wolfwood's wings and the Punisher can just be seen at the bottom. Wolfwood says, "And you're brave, to go against what you've been taught your whole life. You're not a coward. You faced them until the end. So don't sell yourself short like that next time, okay?" We see Vash's face, smiling with tears in his closed eyes. Wolfwood concludes: "I'll get mad."

Wolfwood narrates, "—He passed out right after for the whole night on the cold ground. I realised how little I could help in the situation." He tries to drape his coat over Vash, sweating, and wonders, "Wouldn't it just pass through ...?"

Time passes, and Vash gets up with a sneeze and rubs his eyes. Wolfwood watches him with his eyebrows raised, and Vash laughs quietly and a bit nervously. Wolfwood narrates, "As if he'd heard my voice, a burden seems to be lifted off his shoulder when he woke up. That, or maybe he'd forgotten what happened last night. He was quick to take his leave right after.

"And so, Vash the Stampede went on a journey with a promise." Vash waves goodbye, turning to leave with his bag in hand. "I'll be sure to bring back more stuff next time!! See you later!" Wolfwood concludes, "While I watch him from afar... again." Wolfwood sits below the Punisher and waves back, saying with bemusement, "Has he never heard the phrase 'do not disturb the death?' He really throws me off..." The title is named, and it says "/ END." End ID]

[link to Image ID reblog post!]

[lemotmo]

I don't often do this, because I try to avoid discourse in fandom and sometimes you just don't vibe with a character. It happens.

But I keep seeing these horrible and, quite frankly, very wrong and disrespectful takes on Eddie Diaz' character. And I can't just sit here and ignore them anymore.

I cannot and will never understand why people don't like Eddie.

I've read some posts and comments earlier about people disliking Eddie and... really? Eddie is boring? He doesn't get interesting storylines? He's just a prop for Buck and his storylines?

Are we watching the same show here?

Eddie is, by far, one of the most interesting characters on 911. The man has had one trauma after the other piled up on him, but still he keeps going. Why? Because of the one thing that matters more to him than life itself: Christopher.

As a single mother myself, I can relate. The struggle to want to give your child everything, to do everything for them, even if it comes at the cost of your own mental and emotional well-being? It is very real. I cannot tell you how many times I end up crying to myself at night, blaming myself because I wasn't able to stop the outside world from hurting my son. And you have to do it all by yourself as well. There is no one there to share the burden with, to share the heartache with. It's tough and it's real.

Eddie's storylines are intricate and nuanced and based in reality. They aren't necessarily the biggest and loudest storylines, but they still matter to people who can relate to him. People like me.

Now, 911 is guilty of showing a lot of important Eddie moments from someone else's point of view. That is true. Especially Buck's POV. The shooting comes to mind, even a part of his breakdown and more recently Eddie's friendship with Tommy. He made a bro-friend and seemed so happy and carefree, but since we saw it from Buck's POV, we can't fully trust this image.

So, I think that is why some people see him as just a prop in Buck's story. But it's much more complex than that. Buck stepped inside Eddie's world without complaint. He helped him out from day one by introducing Eddie to Carla. For the first time, Eddie is no longer alone in life. There is someone there who understands him and his love for Chris. He can safely rest and trust that Buck will be there to step in if necessary. He actually went ahead and put it in his will. Eddie loves the way that Buck loves his son. And the show is still using that bond to date. We saw Buck and Eddie in conversation about Chris, Buck talking to Chris, Buck being jealous of Chris thinking Tommy was cool...

I don't know what the future will bring for Eddie, but I desperately want and need him to be happy. And yes, I do think the narrative will eventually lead him to Buck. His happiness has always been intricatelly linked to Christopher. The way they keep weaving in Christopher in Buck's storyline? The way Eddie keeps being inserted in Buck's bisexuality storyline? These are some of the many reasons that give me absolute certainty that Buddie is in the works.

In conclusion? Just stop hating on Eddie Diaz folks. It's not a good look on you.

[felassan]

From Game Informer:

Solas plays an important role in the game as a central figure and significant character, but the game is not about Solas, hence the title change

Rather than focusing on a specific individual, the focus and centerpiece of the game is Rook's team, stopping the end of the world with this group of specialists

"I think you could argue [these companions] are the best the franchise has ever seen". We will have the opportunity to interact with them in a way that both shapes their story and also influences the main story, including having the opportunity to impact their fate

"Arguably, this game has kind of, in a way, been called Dreadwolf to some degree since its earlier days"

Excerpt:

"When I ask about Solas' role in the story after I learn his namesake is no longer in the game title, Darrah says Veilguard is still taking the Elven God's narrative in a good direction. He adds, "It allows us to, hopefully, give a good conclusion to all the varied attitudes toward Solas that are going to be coming from people who love Solas, who agree with Solas, who hate Solas, people who want to kick Solas off of a building – I think that we give you the opportunity to bring that to a close, but then tell a greater story about The Veilguard and about the world as a whole." Talking to Epler, I learn more about how Solas isn't exactly the big bad I expected before seeing the opening hours of Veilguard. There's a lot more nuance to everyone's favorite bald elf.  "The most interesting villains to myself, and honestly most people, are not just straight up, 'I want to end the world.' To them, they are the heroes of the story, and Solas is no exception," Epler tells me. "Solas always feels that he is a tragic hero but a hero nonetheless, so he's coming into this believing firmly that what he did, that which you stopped him from doing, was the right thing – that you made a mistake. But now he's trapped and can't reach out and actively affect [Thedas], so he needs to work with you. "That allows us to provide a lot of nuance to that relationship," Epler says."

Solas is literally trapped in the Fade after the game's prologue. Rook and co stop his attempt to destroy the Veil. Rook passes out and wakes up in a dream-like landscape to Solas' voice. He explains that he was trying to move Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain to a new prison because the old one wasn't containing them properly anymore. The two blighted gods are now free and roaming Thedas. Rook has to stop them, but it seems that they will have to work with Solas ("or at least listen to his guidance and advice") to do so

Excerpt:

""So one of the principles we took to when we were building the story of The Veilguard early on was we wanted the beginning of the game to feel like the final chapter of an earlier story and you're coming in right at the end, you're coming in as if you've been chasing Solas – the [Solas at the end of Dragon Age: Inquisition's Trespasser DLC] who said he was going to end the world and tear down the Veil," Epler adds.  Epler says players will see early on (and as the narrative develops across Veilguard) that Solas sees much of himself in you, the player-controlled Rook, especially "the parts that maybe he doesn't like to face." As a result, there's an interesting push and pull between Solas and Rook. He says players can define the relationship between these two characters with their choices in dialogue.  "You can continue to be suspicious and hostile towards him, or you can start to see him and find that common ground, that connection between the two of you, and really develop a different relationship over the course of the story," Epler says."

[source]

[harunayuuka2060]

MC and Simeon: ...

MC: Were you just pretending not to see me until now?

Simeon: No. You wouldn't believe how surprised I am to see you here in Celestial Realm, MC.

Simeon: What are you even doing here?

MC: ...

MC: Michael brought me here.

Simeon: Michael?

MC: Hm. I surrendered myself to Thirteen. Solomon stole the ring that contained my soul and gave it to him.

Simeon: I still don't understand... Michael has no reason to do that.

MC: *chuckles* I wish that is true.

Simeon: ...

Simeon: Tell me, MC.

MC: He wants to punish me for causing a lot of inconveniences, especially in the future. *smiles* Though I don't understand why it still matters in this timeline.

MC: When none of you will ever see me again.

Simeon: ...

Simeon: The future, you say?

MC: *nods* In the timeline I was in, you stole the ring of light to save me. And the very reason you were turned into a human and lost your right as an angel.

Simeon: !!!

Simeon: So that did actually happen.

MC: But not anymore, Simeon. You won't have to do that again.

Simeon: You may be right. However, a future without you...

MC: ...

MC: A future in which I'm no longer around would likely bring the greatest relief to everyone involved.

Simeon: Please don't say that... *tearing up*

MC: ...

MC: *hugs him*

Simeon: *hugging them tightly*

MC: Apart from Luke, I'm also happy to talk to you like this.

Simeon: Are you in hiding?

MC: *nods*

Simeon: I'll keep you safe until you can relax and feel peaceful again.

MC: Thank you, Simeon.

Asmo: Lucifer? What's going to happen to Barbatos now?

Lucifer: He's currently being detained in the underground labyrinth. Though I'm sure that can't stop him from escaping.

His brothers: ...

Levi: Um, Lucifer? Don't you think that it is time for you and everyone else to stop obsessing over MC?

Lucifer: Stop?

Beel: I agree with Levi. It's time to grant them the peace they deserve. If I'm being honest... We've already done enough.

Lucifer: ...

Lucifer: You are free to give up. I'm not going to stop any of you from doing that.

Lucifer: And I'm capable of finding MC alone. *immediately left to search for MC's whereabouts*

His brothers: ...

Raphael: *looking at the doll that resembles MC*

*The doll smiling peacefully at him.*

Raphael: *mutters* I hate this.

*chuckles*

Raphael: *his eyes widened*

"I hate this more than you do."

Michael: MC was here. *is in the Celestial Garden*

Michael: And Simeon as well. *smiles*

Michael: What should I do? Ah, I know...

Michael: I'll just have to make you think that things are going your way.

[remcycl333]

some thoughts on imagination and fulfilling ALL your desires, no matter how small ♡

hiii! just wanted to share with you guys some things ive been thinking about lately and a new discovery!

so first of all! i went through a little phase this previous weekend where i could not imagine for the life of me. i just could not concentrate, and i kept hyperfixating on every little sound in my room and it was very frustrating. i also could not fall asleep because i usually use daydreams to lull myself to sleep and i couldn't daydream! it was very frustrating.

(side note--at one point i wished that my room would just be silent and then i lost power for a few hours and my room WAS dead silent for a while, lol)

but then i was scrolling thru loatwt, like i do, and i found this acct @/scriptercas and they made a couple of posts about the way they imagine (i like this one too) and i tried it that night and i was DEEP in my imagination for like an hour straight. like me??? adhd aphantasia me???

i know that a lot of you guys are like me and have aphantasia and therefore can't see mental images and you can get discouraged by imagining, but this is definitely my new holy grail and i think this will work so well for you guys too!

(p.s. if you guys are into shifting, that account has some great advice! i'd really recommend!!)

i also recently re-read edward art's series, which i have mentioned in recent posts. once again, i know ive also said this recently, but i highly highly highly recommend reading it (or listening, there's also an audio form) if you haven't already! even if you just read the first five parts. i swear if you are still struggling to fully grasp the law, after you read it you will get it. it's so good.

i bring this up because in a lot of the parts, edward talks about building the habit of fulfilling every single desire--no matter how small--that you have, as it comes to you. and i've just been ruminating on this so much lately.

i remember at the beginning of my loa journey, there would be things that i wanted and i'd kinda mourn the fact that i didnt have them... when i didn't have to. i could've just fulfilled myself. but instead i had the idea in my head that "i'll manifest my sp first, and THEN i can get my desire of receiving flowers." or, "i'll manifest money first, and THEN i can buy the expensive things i want" or "i'll manifest my new apartment, and THEN i can host dinner parties for my friends" etc.

but what i've been thinking about lately--prompted by edward--is that you dont have to want for anything anymore. i can give myself any and everything i want in my imagination. i don't have to wait to manifest something else first.

this has really bolstered my imagination game as well. everything you want to do with or experience once you have your desire, you can have/experience in your imagination right now. and it really adds to your imaginings. it really helps immerse you more and helps you capture the feeling of it being real.

for example, when i was manifesting my apartment, i had sooo many things i wanted to experience once i'd manifested it. i wanted to have my friends over for game night and cook them dinner and make them cocktails. i wanted to bake in my spacious kitchen and have fancy utensils and expensive ingredients. i wanted to shower in my fancy shower and use expensive bath products. i wanted my own vanity stocked with expensive makeup and perfumes. i wanted a large walk in closet with rows and rows of gorgeous clothing. i wanted to come back from a night out and leave my clothes strewn about the bathroom bc i was too drunk to put them away, and no one was gonna see them or yell at me for leaving them there. like some of the things i desired for were so mundane, yet i felt the absence of them in my life every day. for example: living close to a target, being able to make adventurous meals without worrying if my family members would like them, playing video games with my friends in my own living room.

everything i just listed were things i wanted so badly once i had my apartment, but whenever id run into the opposite in my every day life, i wouldn't fulfill myself at first. like i'd go to cook the same old dinner i cooked for my family every other night and i'd be like "ugh i wish i could be in my own apartment where i did the grocery shopping and i could buy fresh ingredients and make an elaborate meal instead of just having pasta and jarred sauce again." but then i realized that if i were in my dream apartment i would be able to do that. i spent so much time imagining waking up in my new apartment and what it would look like, but in the end, imagining stuff like this is what really helped me to fulfill myself and catch the feeling of the wish fulfilled.

i was really reminded of that whenever i re-read edward's series, and now im applying it to my new desires as well. it's so funny that no matter how much i manifest or how much i learn i always find myself forgetting little tidbits like that that really help me and are very valuable.

anyway i just wanted to make this post to help you guys a little maybe! i was just in the shower and i was remembering edward saying to fulfill every little desire you have--not matter how small-- and i was remembering the days i used to imagine myself in my current shower, and id close my eyes and imagine the scent of the shampoo i wanted to get and i'd feel where every individual bath product would be placed once i had my own shower. and all that inspired me to write this!

i hope that this helps you guys out and/or gives you imagination motivation! i feel like it's important to imagine all the small things that pertain to your desire that maybe you overlook while imagining, but that you know you deeply yearn for even if u think they're mundane or that you'll just get them once you get your big, overarching desire <3

[vixstarria]

Another gift

This is a continuation of my headcanon of Astarion’s romance with bard Tav. I can’t remember the actual chronology of cutscenes, but let’s assume this takes place after you’ve started a sexual relationship with Astarion and are beginning to grow closer. I was going to take it in a different direction initially, but these things have a mind of their own once they get going. 

If you like it, check out my first fic. I do plan on writing more! 

P.S. I may have taken some liberties with the game background story and DnD lore and magic system here – if it doesn’t really match up or make sense – sorry! Also I’m still only on Act 2. 

Tav tries to comfort or distract a brooding Astarion. 

Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Tav, Astarion x Bard Tav  

Comfort, fluff, budding love, humour, angst, banter, no spoilers, non-explicit 

Approximately 2,000 words. 

AO3

 

Astarion was standing outside his tent with his back to the camp, staring into a silver mirror. The man had either lost his vampiric condition, lost his mind, or was simply brooding.  

“Looking at something?” he asked absent-mindedly, as you approached. 

Brooding. Definitely brooding.  

“Looking for something.” 

“Oh?” He turned towards you. “Just my company, or is there something else I can offer you?” 

“I'm the one making an offering, actually. I thought I’d bring you a little snack” 

Astarion grinned and beckoned you inside his tent.  

Inside, aside from his bedroll, was a trunk with a large mirror opposite, a lit lantern and a scattering of weapons, equipment and books. You assumed your usual position, cross-legged on the bedroll, and offered him your wrist. This didn’t take long. Just a little pick me up.  

He finished, planting a light kiss on your wrist, reached for his amulet and whispered an incantation to heal the wound. He kept hold of your hand, lacing his fingers through yours.  

“Do you have any idea how much I appreciate that you don’t sexualise this?”  

“I haven’t thought about it... Really?” 

“Well imagine that any time you went to, say, take a bite of a turkey leg, there was someone staring, groping themselves and wagging their tongue at you. When you’re just trying to perform basic functions to stay alive.” 

“Sweetheart, that’s an average evening at the pub for me, when I perform. With or without me biting on anything. ...But I see what you mean”. You contemplated what he just said in a brief silence. “I can't believe you just compared me to a turkey leg.” 

“You’re more of a ripe, juicy peach” he said. You found yourself oddly pleased to be compared to fruit rather than poultry. 

You glanced at the large mirror standing on the floor of the tent.  

“You own an awful lot of mirrors for a vampire. Why do you even keep this here?” 

“That? Oh, it reflects light... makes the tent appear more spacious... prevents anyone from sneaking up on me. ...Unless they’re another vampire.” Astarion said contemplatively. “And I figured, I woke up once with a tadpole in my brain that let me walk in the sun again – who's to say I won’t catch another parasite tomorrow that might cure my vampirism entirely?” 

“Do you miss it? Seeing your own face?” 

“Preening in the looking glass? Petty vanity? Of course I miss it. I’ve never even seen this face. Not since it grew fangs and my eyes turned red. My face is just some dark shape in my past. Another thing I’ve lost. I wouldn’t even recognise myself anymore. It’s been two hundred years.” 

“But...” you fumbled, trying to wrap your mind around that. “You could have found a street artist to sketch you since then.” 

“In the middle of the night?” 

“Or commissioned a portraitist, those artistic types would accommodate you any time of day or night” 

“Commissioned a - …I’m sorry, at what point did I give you the impression that Cazador paid us an allowance..?” Astarion was growing agitated. “And before you say I could have stolen – remember, everything I had, anything I acquired by any means, the clothes on my back, my body, my will – it all belonged to the master.” He paused, regaining control of his demeanour. “There was no point in having any possessions, it would all be the bastard’s in the end. I didn’t want to give him any more than I absolutely had to.” 

You kicked yourself in the ass mentally.  

“Well how’s this... We get to Baldur’s Gale. We exterminate Cazador and take over his palace. Then we rip out whatever he’s got as décor, commission all the best artists, and hang paintings of you on every wall. There will be nothing but portraits of Astarion everywhere.” Astarion’s eyes softened as he watched you gesticulating and getting carried away by your own imagination. “Astarion in shining armour. Astarion on a horse. Astarion on silk bedsheets, half-covered in rose petals. Pirate Astarion. Astarion stroking a cat. Historic events, but every single person depicted is Astarion. Oh! And in the main banquet hall, there will be an enormous mural of you, fully naked, lounging on a divan and being fed grapes by a cadre of nymphs.” 

“With a fig leaf covering my unmentionables?” 

“A comically large fig leaf. Or better yet, no fig leaf, just your full unmentionable glory looming over the dining table” You paused, as if sobering up after being lost in your grand vision, and added in a more serious tone: “We can commission busts and statues, too. Get a mold of your face for a hyper-realistic one.” 

“We” he whispered, as if to himself, with a scornful chuckle.  

“Oh? Do you have someone else in Baldur’s Gate you’d rather spend time with?” You realised how callous that might have come across as soon as the words were out, and cringed inwardly. 

“...No, I don’t” he said absently. 

“Elves live long lives... Do you still have real family there? Friends from... before? ...A spouse? Children?” You'd wondered about this before, and figured you may as well lie in the hole you’d dug for yourself.  

“Gods, no!” Astarion blinked in surprise. “I wasn’t even considered a full adult by elven society then. No, mercifully I didn’t leave any little Astarions behind. All my friends from my youth are either dead or have blissfully forgotten me. And I don’t even know where my family is.” 

You gave him a sympathetic and questioning look, waiting for him to go on. He sighed and continued. 

“As you might expect, Cazador placed a restriction on me, preventing me from telling anyone about my affliction. I couldn’t approach my old acquaintances and go ‘Surprise! I’m actually alive! ...Sort of. I’m just someone’s vampire spawn slave now!’. No. I was to turn around and walk the other way if I ever came upon anyone who might recognise me. I was supposed to be devoted only to my new ‘family’.” he scowled. “I feared that Cazador would use anyone he thought might be important to me against me - for fun, or to teach me a ‘lesson’. And he would have, too: the mental torture he unleashed on his spawn was far worse than physical.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I couldn’t go and see my family, but as soon as I had my wits about me, I managed to arrange for one of the mercenary guilds to quickly escort my relatives out of the city. They were to be told that I made some powerful enemies who had me murdered, and that these enemies would come for them next. That they had to leave, change their names, and never return. I don’t know where they went. I can’t know, if I want them to be safe.” He looked away. “I can’t imagine how much they hated and cursed me. I ruined their lives.” he whispered. 

“You saved them!” you objected, taking his hand. He shrugged but squeezed your hand back. 

“I suppose I might have. Cazador would’ve left their heads on spikes in my crypt by now, otherwise.” He met your eyes again. “So yes, if anyone is going to be helping me decorate a palace, it’s you.” he added with a false cheer, clearly finished with the topic of Cazador.  

You thought he might want to be alone then and were about to leave, but he gently pulled you towards himself. He was sitting on the ground with his back against a trunk. You settled between his legs, your back against his chest, his lips right at your ear, one arm across your shoulders and chest, the other playing with your hair. The large mirror was on the ground right in front of you. He studied your reflection over your shoulder. You appeared to be lounging suspended at an odd angle.  

“How does it even work, anyway... It’s not just your body that disappears, it���s your clothing, too”. You grabbed a hat from the top of the trunk, holding it by its crown, and held it over Astarion’s head, moving it in circles against his hair. “Now you see it...” You let go and watched it disappear in the reflection. “Now you don’t.” 

“I’m actually not sure, darling. Maybe it needs to be supported solely by me. Or it’s got to do with movement” He threw the hat back onto the trunk, where it reappeared in the reflection. 

“Say...” threw your head back to look up into his eyes “Do you think my reflection would disappear... if a part of you was inside?” you bit your lip and grinned mischievously.  

“I don’t think so, but I love how that dirty mind of yours works” he purred in your ear. “Let’s check and find out” His hand slid towards the clasp of your pants, but you swatted it away. 

“Later.” Suddenly you were on a mission. “I have an idea.” 

The rest of your group were gathered around the fire as you made a dash for your tent and grabbed your kit of stage paints and powders.

“Chk, are you doing each other’s makeup in there?” came a scoff from Lae’zel, as you rushed past. 

“Don’t be jealous, Lae. We’ll have a girls night and braid each other’s hair tomorrow” you retorted, making Shadowheart choke on her drink.  

Back in Astarion’s tent, you reached for one of your loose facial powders. 

“You really don’t need to do anything, I’m used to it and nothing will work anyway” protested a confused and weary Astarion. 

“Astarion!” you said gravely, “This isn’t for you. This is for science”, and you blew the powder hard into his face. Sure enough, an outline of his features appeared briefly in the mirror, as the powder flew all around him. “It worked!” 

“Fan-tastic! Too bad you had to blind me to achieve that split second of a silhouette!” he coughed and rubbed at his eyes. 

“It should work with water, too, if you want me to pour some over your head. You need to wash all that powder off anyway, you look ridiculous.”  

He glared at you through the still flying powder particles and pointed a finger at your face.  

“No.” 

“Actually, hang on, I have a better idea.” You heard him groan into his hands behind you, as you ran back to your tent, to return with an amulet.  

“So, the good news is, I am really, really bad at this.” 

“If this involves setting me on fire again...” 

“That was an accident. Anyway... No, this lets me create a fog cloud. Or so it should. I can just barely manage some fog tendrils. Now if I just aim them at your face...” You concentrated on the spell. Whisps of fog appeared around Astarion. “Look...” As the fog tendrils twisted in the air, you could just make out a form that they floated around, in the reflection, one unmistakably of a face.  

“Well...” breathed Astarion, transfixed by the reflection, trying to make motions with his head to make the fog recoil. “It’s not much, but it’s more than I’ve seen in centuries” 

“Come on” you grasped his hand. “Let’s go outside, it needs a different light and a slight breeze” 

Astarion snatched his handheld mirror and followed you. He was actually eager.  

Outside, Astarion spun in the whispy fog, gazing at the mirror in disbelief, as you continued to concentrate on the spell. It was actually working. Your conjuration magic was just bad enough to make the thinnest layer of fog, framing his face like a delicate mask and reflecting in the mirror. What would have been considered incredibly precise work by a wizard, was made possible entirely thanks to you borderline failing.  

“That’s better... I’ll channel the fog right, you turn left against it. No, your other left! No, don’t go into the fire, you idiot, it won’t be my fault this time” 

You grabbed Astarion by the hand and tried to guide him away from fire and anything he could trip over – he was paying exactly zero mind to anything around him, as he semi-stumbled in circles, looking in the mirror. Scratch ran around you, barking, excited for a new game, and eventually tripped you both. 

“Another gift...” Astarion smiled at you, as Scratch did his utmost to lick his face.  

Meanwhile, the group watched the two of you from a distance, dumbfounded. Lae'zel broke the silence: 

“Your people have the strangest mating rituals.”  

“Should I... should I tell them I can probably just cast mirror image on him? I’ve only done it on myself, but it should follow the same principle” added Gale. 

“Maybe tomorrow” said Shadowheart. “Just let them enjoy this tonight.” 

~~~~~

Next in series

AO3

[copper-16]

Chapter 8 has been posted - but before everyone goes to read, a little bit of an announcement on my end:

This is going to be my last longer Mapi/Ingrid story, and probably the end of me being super active/posting on ao3 and tumblr. I might write the occasional story here and there, but writing is not bringing me the same joy it once was and I want to dedicate my time to other things. I’ll still be around reading on ao3 and somewhat on Tumblr, but I just won’t be posting a whole ton on either. I’ve been so incredibly lucky to get to know all of you guys on here, and to receive so much love for my work. It means the absolute world to me - and thank you all so much for welcoming me into this little community so wonderfully! I hope the stories I wrote were able to bring just a little bit of happiness when you guys needed it (even if I constantly left everyone on cliffhangers - I truly am sorry about that).

The rest of this is long, and you don't have to read it if you don't want to, you can just go ahead to the story now if you would like. I'm not known for my ability to keep concise, that is for certain. If brevity is the soul of wit - perhaps we know why my stories aren't very funny!

I’ve especially enjoyed joining tumblr and really finding a little community here. Getting to interact with so many people, both those who read my works and those who don’t, has been such a joy for me. I love getting to hear when people like the things I've written, even if it touches them in a small way. I love getting to interact with so many brilliant minds and am forever in awe of how much amazing talent there is in this little corner of the internet! I've made some incredible friends from getting to be on here, and it makes me so happy to have a little community of people I love. Thank you guys for letting me have space here even if I don’t write reader works or know how this app works most of the time.

I started writing seriously in September 2022 and I can't tell you how much joy it has brought me in the last two years. As someone who doesn't enjoy the college degree they are currently getting, this was such a fun creative outlet for me. It was so cool to have this blank canvas to work with, to weave things together, especially as I began to write longer stories. Writing was a place to destress for me and interact with other people who loved football as I was coming to love it. Every single kudos, comment, and bookmark meant so much to me. Even when it was something silly like someone dubbing the 'Copper Monologue,' it made me feel so seen. Someone cared enough to read enough of my works to pick out the fact that I do that? Absolutely mind blowing to me. It's crazy to hear that people cared about the silly little stories I wrote. When someone told me that I was one of the things to help inspire them to write their own stuff - I think I properly sobbed. It meant more to me than anything has in this entire world, and it still does! Writing has helped me to process, it's helped me to grow, it's helped me learn to identify my emotions and struggles and think through my own thought processes. I hope that maybe for someone out there, it could help them do that as well. It's a little strange for me not to want to do that anymore. Writing this last story solidified to me that for the most part it was time to be done, and HDITA was more of a goodbye than anything else. But even with that, it feels strange not to be thinking of my next idea, thinking of how I am going to create characters and relationships and plot lines.

I think for me right now, I'm just excited to be myself. Maybe this vessel of writing was what I needed to get myself through the last two years. I wrote la princesa when I was at my absolute worst in life, and as I've grown and matured as a person, I like to think that my writing has. I no longer find myself in a place where it fills a huge void in my own life that I once needed.

I've grown a lot as a writer these few years (those who read my earlier works will understand), and I'm excited to one day come back to it, maybe in a different sphere. I love the idea now of writing a real book. It always terrified me before - I didn't know where I would start or if I would be horrible at it. But you all have given me the confidence that maybe at least one person would like it, and maybe that's enough of a reason to try. So thank you all for holding my hand and encouraging me. I hope that if nothing else, everyone remembers that a little bit of kindness on here or ao3 or anywhere on the internet costs nothing, and yet can go a long way.

It did for me.

But enough of my sappy rambling, please enjoy this last chapter of mine. I hope it brings you as much joy as it brought me when I was writing it. Love you all so so much!

Chapter 8 of How Do I Trust Again?

[furiousgoldfish]

My parents, as lots of abusive parents, are obsessed with money. It's very clear from their behaviour they're valuing money over human lives, their comments of "you're a burden on this family" and "this won't make you any money" demonstrated they value both their children, and their children's actions based on how much money they're losing/gaining for it.

This had me feeling inferior to money; I felt like I was not worth any money, that having cost them money meant I was irredeemable, being told I'd have to pay it all back made me panic, because I was also being told I was unsuitable to ever hold down a job, and any of my activities, hobbies, interests, felt empty and worthless because they were not currently bringing any income to parents.

The entire profess of growing up like this made me loathe money. I decided as a child, that I would never value money over people, or live in a way that prioritized it over anything, I couldn't bear to become as disgusting and hollow as they are. So I grew up into a person who hates money. Which then ensured I would always live in poverty (well, that and being too sick to work full time).

Hating money within capitalism makes for an awful experience of surviving, but at this point I can't help it anymore, I want to live without money. I can't stand being valued only for how much I can potentially earn. No matter how stressed I get having no money when I have to deal with health issues, hunger, lack of resources, and whatever parts of my life I get cut off (travel, experiences, safety) I still can't find a way to make peace with it. I feel that money is evil and I need to keep it away from me.

I've lowered the quality of my life a lot, but I think that's capitalism's fault and not mine. If money wasn't something everyone desperately need to have more of, if everything wasn't created as a competition over who gets more money, if money wasn't direly necessary for survival, if it was an optional thing for 'people who just wanted more stuff', I wouldn't be struggling, I'd be having a good time.

It just scares me too much. I've seen how money overpowers people's perception to the point where they don't care what they do as long as they get more money. I've seen them use the power of money to control others, to get their way, to blackmail, to force others to do as they want. I've seen them look at the world only in prospect of what brings them money, and to see monetary value in every object, human, animal, tree. It disgusts me. Looking at the world with eyes that only appraise how much something and someone can financially benefit you. Feels inhumane, grotesque, terrifying.

I understand I went into the other extreme where I refuse to acknowledge that money is a necessity and that I might deserve any because I'm still affected by the abuse, but again, I don't feel that I can change this about myself.

Did this happen to anyone else?