#like they literally eat shit and die after a week yet I wanted to BE one as they seemed more like fairies in TBOM

[rock-a-noodle]

I will never get over how The Buzz On Maggie made flies out to be cooler than they actually are.

[huckleberrykai]

txt ~ crush crush crush

pairing: txt x gn!reader (separate) scenario: how the members behave when they have a crush on you! warnings: none! but this IS the first thing im posting on here so pls don't judge too harshly,, starting out with some headcannons since my writing is rusty 🥹💗 click here for my masterlist!

Soobin:

SOFT SOFT SOFT

soft boy number 1

he treats you so nicely anyways, but when he realises his feelings for you,,, sheesh

ups the sweetness by 800%

likes to do things for you

cant reach the jam on the top shelf? boom soobin.

lost your favourite pen? boom soobin picked it up after you dropped it.

looks at you like you hung every star in the sky

"you look beautiful today Y/N... actually nevermind you do every day"

such a simp can't even hide it

will share his food with you and no one else

"OH SO THEY GET A FRY WHEN I GOT A PUNCH-"

"shut up beomgyu."

so scared to confess, perfectly content being your best friend forever apart from when he goes home and cries cause he wanted to kiss you

its okay sooby it'll happen 😌

Yeonjun:

touchy touchy boy

not shy with his feelings

deffo just wants to be close to you all the time

flirty little shit !

uses lame pickup lines from google

"how's your fever?"

"?? what fever? i'm fine?"

"oh sorry, you just look hot to me ;)"

you call him corny but its kinda cute

although he's confident and flirty he's still SO nervous to actually confess

definitely gives himself away before actually asking you out he's so obvious bro-

flirt back and he'll be so happy

better yet use a dumb pickup line on him and he's putty in your hands

Beomgyu:

friend zones you so hard out of fear you won't like him back

just a couple of besties 🤩

he wants to cry

he knows he has a crush, fully tries to ignore it

thinks he's smooth ... but everyone already knows

including you

talks about you to everyone, especially his gaming buddies

"Y/N's so cool they're coming over to watch a movie with me later"

"GYU WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE HERE ???? NOT THE TIME !"

bullies you (affectionately)

you could be the same hight as him and he'll still be like "haha shortie"

when he accepts it he's a lot more chill

maybe too chill

"hey why'd you not lend kai your hoodie? you let me wear the same one last week?"

"oh because im in love with you"

"oh. sweet."

deffo the type to accidentally blurt and not even notice until you ask him to be your bf like 5 mins later

Taehyun:

kinda shy tbh

he doesn't like to express his feelings in words, prefers to do things to show you he cares

definitely scared when he realises he likes u

boy had little to no interest in other people before u came along (not including the members of course :3)

buys you food if you say you haven't eaten

checks up on you a lot

"did you eat? you haven't been working too much have you?"

even if it means sneaking out of practice to text or call you

literally thinks you're better than everyone

"hey tyun, isn't that girl over there pretty? i love her haircut"

"hmph.. it would look better on you"

whipped but pretends he's not

he so is

Hueningkai:

soft boy 2

SO BLUSHY !!!

he's so flustered around you

yeonjun takes the piss out of him for it

gives you little gifts and trinkets to hint that he likes you

sometimes very random

"here Y/N, you mentioned you needed this the other day :)"

"kai why did you just give me dish soap-"

obvs gives you fun things too (PLUSHIES !)

strikes me as a very gift giving guy

"hey Y/N did you know penguins romance each other with pretty rocks they find?"

"no i didn't but that's cute"

"yeah.. so anyway i found this cool rock outside do you want it?"

will explode if u flirt with him

call him a pretty boy. do it. i dare u.

[mins-fins]

new years day !

"what do you know about love?" "it can bruise, like a punch.."

synopsis: it's only during the new year that huang renjun learns what love is, and loves comes in the form of a charming, margarita indulging, poetry obsessed man, you. after the clock strikes midnight, you take the once love skeptical man on a journey of discovering feelings, full of polaroids, bottle cleaning, and smudged lipstick. the only real question is, what do you do end up as when new years day is over? is this all going to come to nothing in the end?

pairing: huang renjun x male!reader

genre: modern au, not a uni au they've already graduated from uni 😭, strangers to lovers, they have a fling kinda, new years day..literally, this fic takes place during new years eve and new years day, fluff, light light angst, FAST ASS BURN!!

warnings: swearing, explicit language, sexual jokes, mentions of hookups, implications of sex but no smut, mentions of drinking, mentions of toxic workplace environments, things going from 1 to 100 so soon

word count: 12.6k

notes: one of the strangest pieces of writing i have ever completed.. let me get one thing straight, i 💗 renjun, i miss him and i hope hes doing well and taking care of himself :( this fic took the shortest time to write compared to like orbit of yours or all flights are delayed, literally completed this in less than a week.. thats a new isa record i think 😣 anyway!! i decided to do smth different with this fic, instead of just writing a bunch of scenes the singular scenes alone are all about a good few thousand words long, so it might seem short in terms of scenes cause there are really only eight, but each scene is super long so you'll be praying for it to end!!! is this probably super unrealistic? yes, but it's huang renjun so idc, enjoy :)

AT 11:34 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN a spot he didn't want to be. after the many failures he's had on all the previous years on new years eves, he was ready to stay home, with a heavy sweater on, pop a bag of popcorn, and sit down on his couch to rewatch the last season of bridgerton once again. he did not want to go out at all, he was not planning to go out at all. no drinking, no bar dates, no stupid flings that end up with the guy not calling you in the end, just him, alone, at his place, eating a shitload of popcorn and crying as much as possible even if there was nothing to cry about it.

going out and sitting at a bar was not on the list of things he wanted to do this new years eve. it reminds him too much of past flings which didn't really end well.. god all of those guys who acted like they were sooooo into him just to drop him the moment he wanted anything other than sex.

he wants to snap all of their necks right now.

renjun was not preparing to go out today, yeah it's new years eve and shit but he doesn't care, he doesn't want to drink.

but lee donghyuck, fucking lee donghyuck just had to stick his head in and beg for renjun to go out with the rest of them. his coworkers don't really annoy him, he just wishes they would stop nagging him. all huang renjun wanted to do on his new years eve was sit down and spend his day at home, watching stupid shows about love, love he knows he'll never get to experience because all the men he attracts are assholes who'd rather die before committing to anything.

and yeah, maybe renjun is being harsh, but the world has been so harsh on him already, he deserves to be harsh, the world deserves it!

so when donghyuck showed up to his place with the offering of him to go out with the rest of the group, he was quick to decline because he knew it was going to end up the same way it always did. he'd wake up having had yet another drunken one night stand and the guy would become nothing but a memory until the next new year when he did it all over again.

"but why not!? drinking can help you forget about that asshole jin—"

"don't mention his name" renjun scolded earlier that day, a steady glare in his eyes pointed at the younger. he heard the sigh of defeat escape donghyuck's lips, but he doesn't care, he turns back around to finish washing the dishes he'd left in the sink before. "and no, drinking isn't going to solve that problem, it'll make it worse".

"but you can't be alone on new year's eve!"

renjun turned back to the yelling lee, a deadpanned expression on his face. "yes i can, i literally will".

"ugh! you're so boring! jeno help me plead my case here!"

renjun just rolled his eyes, trying his best to ignore the insult from his 'friend'. it wasn't often that they decided to crowd up in his place, but because of the new year coming up, and his lack of interest in doing their little new years tradition, they all banded together to try and convince him to go out and drink.

"maybe going out will help you forget about your mess of an ex boyfriend".

"it never helps".

"maybe you should stop trying to get into some guys pants every time, then" jaemin judged out loud, and the older snapped his head towards him to glare once again, offended by that idea. "what? don't look at me like that, it's true!"

"it is not! you're acting like i'm some sort of sex obsessed freak!"

"well only on new years—"

"i have a knife here, do you want me to kill your right now?" he threatened, pointing the knife littered with soap at donghyuck, who shrieked and quickly hid behind jeno. he scoffed, dropping the sharp blade into the sink and drying off his hands. "i'm not going out drinking with you guys".

"so what? you're just going to sit around and do nothing?"

"that is the plan" the huang clicked his tongue, and a groan sounded from the rest of his same aged friends, which just resulted in him snickering at their misery. "whine all you want, i don't care".

"come on, renjunie!" jaemin quickly stood up and wrapped his arms around the older, a pout on his face as he stared at him, practically pleading through his eyes. "please! we won't do anything stupid we swear!" he cupped the older's face, squishing his cheeks between his hands.

renjun simply allowed for the action to happen, because jaemin would've continued to whine like a baby if he tried to push him anyway. "it's just today! you don't even have to drink, you can just sit around with us! pleaaseeeeeee?"

"okay okay get off" renjun pushed the younger away from him, lightly caressing his jaw as he tried to recover from his vice grip. "fine, i'll go out if it stops you all from being so annoying".

the gasp from donghyuck and his subsequent yell in victory made renjun roll his eyes again as he quickly dismissed his friends with a waving hand. "stop yelling or i'll change my mind".

jeno quickly nudged donghyuck, who stopped his yelling and just gave a blinding smile. "we'll see you later then, renjunie! chenle will text you the address!"

renjun was not looking forward to this outing they had planned.

so here he is, december 31st, 11:34 pm, sat at a bar as his friends all get up to their own things. when he first did arrive, he thought he'd only be there for a good hour and a half before leaving, but no, it's almost twenty minutes away from midnight and he's still here, sat at the bar, without a drink anywhere near him.

at this point, he's about to order a drink just to make himself less bored.

"excuse me?" he calls out, catching the attention of the bartender in front of him. he gives a small smile, lightly straightening up his seat and sighing. "hi, can i have a kir royale?"

the bartender raises an eyebrow, blinking at the stranger in front of him. "just that?"

"just that" he confirms, smiling when he earns a nod from the stranger before him. "thank you".

"kir royale? you have questionable taste.."

renjun startles when he hears the sound of an unfamiliar voice, while he would've been annoyed if it was one of his friends who decided to keep him company after abandoning him to go on and do stuff with other people, he probably would've preferred them instead of.. well, you.

and that's not in an insulting way, you just make everything so complicated for renjun.

"questionable?" renjun raises an eyebrow, just a little irritated by the words from this stranger who had seemingly come out of nowhere. you blink, snickering lightly as you settle down beside him, you already have a drink of your own, but renjun can't currently focus on that. "what is that supposed to mean?"

"just didn't think it would be someone's first choice.." you mutter, fingers toying with the glass of your cup. "but i can't judge anyone for they're drink choices, i can't really judge anyone for anything" you giggle to yourself, and renjun catches your smile, a smile he decides is pretty.

renjun allows for a small laugh to escape his own lips, probably the first time he ever laughed that night, it wouldn't be the last time, though. "i just want something to drink, at this point, it doesn't matter if it tastes good or bad anymore, my year has been insanely shitty".

"oh? trying to erase the mistakes of the previous twelve months with drinking?"

"you could say that" renjun replies, smiling softly at you then turning back to the bartender in front of him, he let out another small 'thank you' and slid the drink over to him smoothly. "i just don't want to drink too much" he says, beginning to dig through his wallet to pay for this little drink.

"scared of the hangover?"

"not the hangover, just scared of saying something i'll regret" he chuckles again, finally finding his card and paying for his drink. he again smiles at the bartender and places his card back in his wallet, merely glancing at you.

"hm" you respond, taking another sip of your drink. "that's understandable".

"yeah.." he mumbles, immediately looking away from you as he feels his face redden stupidly quickly. what is he even blushing for? he just met you, there is no reason you should be flustering him, you didn't even do anything. "what's your name?" he's quick to ask, and you hum again as a response, picking at your nails.

"y/n".

renjun finally looks at you as you say your name, you aren't looking at him, checking the time on your phone. he looks you up down, examining everything about you, your clothes are nice, the jewelry your wearing is nice, your hair is nice, everything about you is nice.

your lips are especially nice, he would describe them as beautiful even.

but renjun should not be staring at your lips, or even be thinking about them, he didn't agree to go out just to hook up with another guy, he is not going to do that, it'd be idiotic for him to. yeah you're pretty, very pretty, but renjun isn't going to allow for this conversation to escalate into something.. else, he's not going to surrender his pride because of a pretty guy he met at a bar.

"and you?"

renjun's face only burns more when he realizes he's been silent all this time, just marking each of your features in his head, he probably looked so stupid, just staring at you speechless. "oh! me? me! yeah uh— renjun".

"renjun" you snap your fingers as you say his name. "ren-jun, pretty, i like it".

"pretty?"

"yeah, a pretty name for a pretty guy".

renjun immediately wants to rebut with a snappy response, but he gets much more flustered than he wants to admit, because he instead begins trying to sputter out a response with his face now reddening excessively. "i— flirting with me on new year's eve, really?"

"not flirting, just telling you what i observed".

"so you think i'm pretty?"

"i'd be lying if i said i didn't" you reply smoothly, a grin tugging at your lips as you take another sip of your almost finished drink. "is it such a surprise that i think so?"

"well.. no, but it's just, i don't know, i don't want to do something i'll regret".

you raise an eyebrow, clearly puzzled by the seemingly cryptic words. "what does that mean?"

renjun lets out a small sigh, he can't believe he's going to say this, especially to you, a pretty stranger he met at a bar on new year's eve. "i can't start a new thing with another guy on new year's eve because it never ends up well, i should've learned my lesson by now".

you blink, staring at renjun for much longer than he thinks he could ever handle. you're silent for a while, processing his words and tilting your head to the side to get a better look at him. "ah, so all of your new year's eve hookups end terribly?"

"not just my new year's eve hookups, all of my attempts at love have ended terribly, can't believe love is advertised as something so desirable but every single time i try, i fail!"

"that has to do more with the people you entangle yourself with, not love itself".

"love is stupid" renjun's teeth drag against each other as he says those words, harsh words, yes, but he deserves to be harsh, the world deserves his wrath because the only thing that's ever been given to him is heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak! you let out a small chuckle at the sight of his gritted teeth, the words amuse you.

"is it? or have you just had horrible experiences with it?"

"okay mr love expert" renjun is quick to rebut, and the statement is enough to get yet another laugh out of you. "what do you know about love?"

you pause for a moment as you think about the words he suddenly spits, the question makes you smile, that pretty smile that renjun loves so much, he wants to punch you in the face for being so pretty.

"it can bruise, like a punch.." your quick to answer, fiddling with your shirt collar. "but it's not all bad, love can be beautiful, entrancing, when you do find someone who really loves you, it can be a magical experience, a whirlwind of joy you never knew you could feel for another human being".

"are you into all that poetic bullshit?"

"i guess you could say that".

renjun giggles, a small shake of his head accompanying the sound which escapes his lips. he won't lie, you're very funny, hilarious even. at least he has you as company on this terrible new year's eve, even with your stupid talks of love, he enjoys having you around. "are you going to try to redeem love for me?"

the words are much more flirtatious than he intends for them to be, but it seems you don't notice, because you just smile at his words. "i can't change something you don't want me to, i can only inform you on how i feel about the topic".

renjun opens his mouth to say something in return, but he doesn't really know how to respond to that. god, how have you managed to leave him so speechless even though this is your first encounter? he's about to collapse onto the floor with how surprised he is.

but somehow, renjun stands his ground, literally. "your pretty well spoken for someone so.. you".

"someone so me?"

"yeah" renjun clears his throat. "you remind me of a friend of mine, you probably have so many people falling at your feet without you even having to do anything".

"you make me sound much more interesting than i actually am" you finally finish your drink, your cheeks are dusted red, and you fiddle with the glass in your hands, tracing each of the cuts carved into it. renjun has no idea why he focuses on your hands, but he does, he intently watches as your fingers move skillfully, and his ears begin burning at just the fact that he's staring at your fingers.

oh you've hit a whole new low, huang renjun.

"so you're not some cool playboy who has seven boyfriends?"

"do i strike you as a whore?"

that made renjun laugh even harder, and he had to cover his mouth with his hand. "you're so.. abrupt".

"i like to think that's one of my best traits" you respond, clasping your hands together before focusing your full attention on renjun, attention which immediately makes all of renjun's senses heighten. "so, any interesting new year's resolutions?"

renjun groans at the question, playfully rolling his eyes. "i have to stop making mistakes when it comes to the men i choose to love".

you hum, finger beginning to circle around a small spot atop the counter. renjun has to use pretty much all of his inner power to prevent his eyes from falling down towards your fingers and staring at them. he really has no idea why he's resisting these very needy urges, he doesn't want to seem easy to you, he doesn't want to seem easy to anyone.

but there's something about you, something that makes him want to stay instead of leave, this is something different, not like the other encounters he's had with cute guys at bars on new year's eve. "and what about you? what is your resolution?"

"probably to quit my shitty job".

renjun snorts, finding the statement amusing. "that's a good one, much better than mine".

"i would disagree, yours seems full of much more ambition".

"well i do pride myself on my ambitious spirit" renjun hums, unabashedly checking you out right in front of you, maybe it's the one drink getting to his head, but he's no longer ashamed anymore, he's doing it in broad daylight. "i think you're pretty too".

renjun has no idea where those words came from, but they definitely have an impact, because a small red hue settles on your cheeks, and renjun smiles in victory, he flustered you, he's so proud of himself for that. "oh really? you think i'm pretty, renjun?"

you lean closer to him as you say those words, allowing for your breath to fan against his face, and getting a close up few of his striking features. your eyes cast down towards his lips, but you quickly look back up to make eye contact, not wanting to distract yourself.

renjun, on the other hand, finds himself frozen in place. you're close, you're so close, and renjun can see each of the pores on your face. he can't move, so he doesn't move, he allows for his eyes to drag around your face and mark each of your very features.

"yeah" he responds, voice frail and barely above a whisper. "arguably the prettiest guy i've ever met at a bar on new year's eve" his response gets a small smile out of you, and you click your tongue as you merely glance away.

"rich of you to say, you're probably the prettiest guy i've ever met point blank".

"don't try to one up me".

you raise an eyebrow, that annoying smile still on your lips. "i just did".

renjun just bites his bottom lip, he can't help but stare directly at yours.

he is unashamed.

AT 11:57 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN an unfamiliar spot, but a familiar situation. his hands tangled in your hair, your fingers caressing his waist under his shirt, nothing against your back but the steel of your sink and the feeling of his lips on yours, renjun found himself amused by his current circumstances. what did he say again earlier? right, he wasn't going out to end up in the same place he always did on new year's eve, but here is, history truly has a way of repeating itself. renjun doesn't care if he comes off as desperate, it felt horrible trying to contain himself out there, he can't believe he actually did end up surrendering his pride to you, the pretty guy he met at a bar.

well, that's not exactly it.

having the sudden need for air, you pull away, chuckling at the way renjun doesn't really move away from you, his fingers in your hair settle for a moment, and they begin gently running through it, as if he's trying to coax you into a slumber or something. "is this how you spend your new year's eve? making out with a guy in a bar bathroom?"

renjun scoffs, registering your red face, he wants to laugh, but his is probably not better off, so he stops himself. "did you want to make out outside?"

"i think you wanted to make out outside, did you think you were slick?"

renjun frowns, it's not a serious frown, it's a playful one, and shoves your shoulder lightly. "i should've never kissed you.."

"aww" you pout, over exaggerating your expression to amuse the man in front of you. it seems to work, because renjun snorts at the way you're looking at him. he simply tightens his hold in your hair and pulls you closer to press your lips against his once more, making you squeak lightly in surprise.

"you're so annoying.." he whispers against your lips, he wants to act on his hearts desire, but instead refrains from kissing you once again, though your lips do look tempting, he already did it enough in the span of a few minutes. "you're lucky your cute".

"thank you" you hum happily, a pretty grin tugging on your lips as you stare at him. "you're cuter, though".

that results in a tch from renjun. "corny".

"cornier".

renjun snickers, preparing a new rebuttal as he continues running his fingers through your hair. you decide you like the feeling, so you don't tell him to let go of your hair, just allow for his fingers to relax and cart through your it. "can't believe i ended up here with you.." he mutters under his breath, and you simply smile as you pretend you didn't hear that.

unconsciously, your fingers again disappear under his shirt to caress his waist. renjun settles into the touch, your full hand isn't exactly wrapped around his waist, but you still manage to cover most of it, even if what your doing is just feeling his skin with the touch of your cold fingers. "where else would you want to be, right now?"

"at home, in my bed, under a mountain of blankets".

you tilt your head, staring at him. you find it funny how casual everything between the two of you seems after having a nonstop make out session where he quite literally pressed you against the sink, his duality is simply admirable. "i can't say that doesn't seem completely alluring right now".

renjun lets a smile come to his face, but a whole new realization suddenly dawns on him. it is new year's eve, the countdown should be starting soon. "what time is it?" he asks you, words rushed and simply spat out in a moment of clear confusion.

you glance down at your watch, narrowing your eyes at the numbers presented on the miniature clock. "a minute till midnight, not sure about how many seconds are left though".

renjun opens his mouth to ask another question, but is quickly cut off by the sound of someone outside shouting about the ten second countdown to new year's day. he looks at you again, and a smile comes to your face. "guess we won't be counting down with the crowd".

you now fully wrap your arms around his waist, easily pulling him closer to you as you hear the crowd of people outside begin counting down. ten, nine, eight; "don't you find this fun, though? spending new year's with a pretty bar boy?"

then seven, then six, renjun can't really focus properly on anything. "eh, it could be better".

he drops his hand from your hair and starts down with his index finger, stopping at your shirt collar that he quickly begins to fiddle with. five; the numbers are practically burning into his head at this point.

you seem to notice him thinking, and you nudge him, squeezing his waist gently. "hey" you call out, a small whisper, you remove one of your hands from his waist to lift his chin with your index finger, making eye contact with you. "don't think so much, just be in the moment".

four, three, two.

renjun allows for a sigh to escape his lips, trying his best to push all of his anxieties away as he looks up at you. he, again, tilts his head and leans closer to you. just at the last shout of one, he barely whispers it, seemingly just a lingering breath on your lips. "happy new year".

and again, renjun initiates the kiss between you two. if anyone saw him right now, they'd think he was dying with how urgent he seemed. it was like he'd die if you didn't put your lips on his, kissing you like a man on death row. he kept himself pressed against you, as if the idea of not feeling every single part of you was unfathomable.

you weren't much better off, though not the one initiating the kiss, you slowly take over the control, transforming it into less of a heated moment and more of a soft one, nothing but a few press of the lips, less rushed and more thought out. your fingers continue to caress his waist, ignoring the growing butterflies in your stomach.

surely this can't be anything serious, this is just a random guy your making out with in a bar bathroom on new year's eve. why would it ever be serious?

you refrain yourself from thinking too much about it.

when renjun finally pulls away, catching his breath in the process, his eyes immediately look down onto the floor, avoiding eye contact with you like you would turn him into stone if he even looked you in the eye. "sorry, i.. i don't know why i did all that".

you chuckle lightly, just smiling at him. "it's fine, i mean— you do know how to handle things your passionate about".

renjun laughs at the joke, still not looking at you. you want to take his jaw in your hands and move him to look at you, to make eye contact with you, but you stop yourself from doing that, the last thing you want to do is make him uncomfortable because you want him to look at you. "happy new year, renjun".

the soft spoken statement makes renjun finally turn to look at you. he has no idea why, but his face heats up upon seeing the small smile painted on your features, your smile is very pretty, he can't stress that enough today.

he doesn't stop himself from moving up his hand and touching your cheek, beginning to caress your soft skin with his thumb. this is strangely intimate, much more intimate than he usually gets with guys he meets at bars on new year's eve, what's with you that's so different? what is it about you that has his stomach flipping in strange ways?

"happy new year, y/n" he finally answers, sharing the same soft smile with you that you shared with him. it's a strange moment, the air isn't thick, it's not suffocating you two, everything feels..just right.

his lipstick has probably gone to shit by now, all smudged and messed up, he can see the marks on your neck, marks that make his stomach squirm in ways he can't explain. he doesn't really know if he wants all of this to end right now, and as his eyes zero in on your lips again, he blurts one of the first things he can think of.

"i don't— i mean.. come home with me?"

the question makes you blink, and even renjun seems confused by the words. why did i ask that? why the fuck did i ask that? he's literally about to die from the second hand embarrassment he feels.

"are you sure you want that?"

"we don't have to do anything!" he immediately shouts defensively, face so red he might collapse from the excessive heat of his cheeks. "we could just talk and stuff, i don't know, i just want your company i guess.."

renjun doesn't look at you as he mutters those words, again way too embarrassed to look you in the eye. how did you even manage to get him like this? he doesn't think he's ever been this flustered by a guy he just met ever.

it's so embarrassing.

"well i can't disagree with such an offer, can i?"

renjun attempts his best unbothered scoff, but he is already so bothered by you, if his red face is anything to go by. "shut up before i change my mind".

and all you do is chuckle.

AT 12:10 AM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF ON a walk down the sidewalk with his hands laced together with yours. the streets are much more crowded on this day, and at this time, that's a rare sight. he can see all the people giggling, drunkenly making their way across the streets and down the sidewalks, friends helping other friends support themselves, girls walking while carrying their heels because their feet have begun to cramp, strangers giggling and going on with their lives. renjun allows for himself to observe everyone doing their own thing, stars in the sky shining brightly above him, but even with his focus on the other people around, his attention quickly floats back to you, and he notices that you're too lost in your own world of observation.

though he asked you to come home with him, renjun didn't really think the whole thing through, it was a weirdly impulsive decision that he would usually always overthink before making, but with you.. you just have this unsaid affect on renjun he can't explain, you have this ability to turn his brain into mush.

of course, he couldn't just go home with you without telling his friends he was going home. donghyuck was already passed out by that point, so renjun was spared from his teasing, but that didn't mean jaemin and chenle went easy on him, with their raising eyebrows and tormenting tones of voice.

you charmed those two immediately, impressing them by doing literally anything. they both exchanged enticed glances as they sent renjun a few frivolous looks, looks that he chose to respond with glares as he tried to ignore his quickly reddening face. jaemin made sure to take extra time shaking your hand (a handshake which renjun laser focused on), even squeezing it for extra measure.

so renjun was sort of right, you do easily have people falling at your feet.

renjun pretended to not notice the way you clearly enchanted the two, and he also pretended not to notice the snicker you let out as he quickly dragged you away from his friends, midway through one of his jaemin's pick up lines.

no he wasn't jealous, and even if he was, he was not going to admit that to anyone, not even to any of his friends (the little 'lucky' text he got from chenle was funny, though, he'd admit that).

"the stars are beautiful tonight".

renjun snaps out of his whirlwind of thoughts as he hears the small mutter from you. the two of you are still holding hands, when did you even begin holding hands? renjun has no idea, but for some reasons, it feels right, like your fingers slip together so perfectly, just your hand in his is the perfect feeling, like it was the missing piece of a puzzle.

you're staring up at the sky, eyes practically lit up in interest as you stared at the luminous balls of gas in the night sky. renjun lets out a small laugh at how engrossed you are in the stars shining in the sky, and you notice that small laugh, because you finally stop your stargazing to look over at renjun. "what's so funny?"

"you just look so into the stars" he replies, a small smile coming to his face as he looks into your eyes. "your fascination is admirable" he whispers, saying the words in a low voice like it's a secret he wants to keep only between you two.

you blink, staring at renjun as if you were in love with him or something, a look that makes him feel much more giddy than he'd like to admit. then, though you're clearly flustered, you clear your throat and try your best to not make your red face obvious. "really? i think my interest in stars is nerdy".

"nerdy?"

"that's what everyone else says".

renjun lets his face fall in just the slightest, the words upsetting him lightly. still, he doesn't say anything about it, instead answering something else you mentioned. "your interest in stars is cute, i like seeing people so passionate about things".

you raise an eyebrow, only focusing on one specific word in that sentence. "cute?"

"it was the first word to come to mind".

"hm" you swing your hands back and forth, scooting closer to renjun as you do so.

you're close, you're so close, renjun is unsure of how he's even able to continue breathing with the way your shoulders brush against each other, he squeezes your laced hands, trying to brush off any other thoughts he might be having at the moment. "is stargazing a hobby of yours?"

"it's only really a hobby i do on certain nights, nights when i know certain constellations can be soon, or a shooting star is happening".

"ah" renjun loves that response much more than he can express with words. "you always talk about your hobbies as if you're in love with them".

"well it's just how i get when i'm very into something, i can't really just express things normally when it comes to shit like that".

renjun lets out a laugh at the words, catching view of his tall apartment building and tightening his grip on your hand, making you squeak in surprise as he jolts you forward with a hard tug of your hand. you could easily overpower him, make his life harder by refusing to be dragged, but you allow him to drag you forward towards the doors of his building.

"jeez, don't yank my arm off, huang" you chastise playfully, using his surname to aggravate him, but he only shoots a small glare at you. "what's the rush?" you inquire, frowning lightly as his hand slips from yours, you settle beside him in the elevator, watching him as he presses the five button with his finger.

"there is no rush" he lies, a clear, bold faced lie. he does nothing but smile at you, anxiously swaying back and forth as he stares at the elevator going up one by one. "don't give me that look".

you chuckle at his sudden scolding. "what look?"

"the look where you start reading my inner most thoughts" renjun states, as if he was sure of the kind of look you were giving him. when he sees the puzzled look in your eyes, he sighs. "it's a look i've gotten from many of my friends, feels like you're seeing through my head and know what i'm thinking".

you smile at his explanation, finding the words to be humorous. "well you do think so expressively, i feel like i can hear your thoughts running".

"should i be worried about how you described that?"

"definitely not, what are you thinking so hard about?"

renjun pauses at the question, the dinging of the elevator at floor two, doors opening to welcome in two drunk college students, two drunk college students who press the floor eight button and move to a corner of the elevator to keep themselves wrapped in each other's arms. renjun blinks at the sight of them, unconsciously moving closer to you, bumping into you in the process.

you move your hand down to intertwine your fingers with his, an action that renjun questions, but doesn't rebel against. the students are much too interested in their own conversation to care about you two, so you nudge renjun, who finally looks back at you. "answer my question, what were you thinking so hard about?"

the volume of your voice is much lower, you probably don't want to disturb the also muttering students in the elevator, but it's also because you don't want to expose renjun's answer to these two strangers he probably doesn't want to share his thoughts with. "it's a secret" he responds with a small whisper, leaning closer to you as says those words, the words a whisper against your ear.

his sudden closeness is enough to fluster you.

seemingly glad that he caused your newly reddened face, renjun leans away from your ear and smiles happily, swinging your laced hands back and forth. if you think about it, the two of you kind of look like a couple, the thought is enough to amuse you, because you really just are strangers who enjoy kissing each other, you didn't even know each other two hours ago, and now he's bringing you home with him.

if this is the story you think it is, the ending seems pretty clear.

it seems that the time flies by, because you look up at the counting numbers and the elevator dings, floor five. you barely have time to react before renjun's grip on your hand tightens, and he drags you by your hand once again, this time out of the elevator and towards his unit.

you swear you hear those drunk college kids giggle at the sight of you two.

"this place is nice" you comment absentmindedly, reading off each of the numbers placed on each of the other doors. "better than anything i could afford on my own, what do you do for work?"

"i work for a graphic design company".

"what's your position? do you run the place or something?"

renjun snickers at your surprise, finally stopping the two of you in front of a door which reads the number 'fifteen'. he begins digging through his pocket for his house key, though acknowledging your question as he does so. "i'm just good at my job i guess.. pay has always been good for me".

after finding his key, renjun attempts to open the door, but he struggles a few times to put his key in the key slot, an annoyed groan escaping his lips as he turns his key over again.

you chuckle at his little battle, catching his scrunched nose and furrowed eyebrows. "need some help there?"

renjun sends you a quick glare. "haha, very funny" he says, looking back to his front door and finally, after what seemed like forever, he unlocked the door of his home, gesturing with his head for you to come in.

you blink at him, but as you watch him step forward, you also step forward, letting yourself into his space. you pause as you begin looking around the expanse of an area. it's a nice place, yeah it lives up to the pristine outside of the apartment building, save for a few empty bottles littering the floor. the place is cozy, the air in the room is comforting to you, it isn't thick or anything.

you feel comfortable here.

"you gonna stand there forever?"

you laugh at renjun's inquiry, continuing to look around his complex, picking up on the many art pieces pinned against the wall. "what else am i supposed to do?" you ask back, allowing for renjun's home decor to catch your attention, it's all strangely him, they all describe his personality so well.

"come with me".

"is that an order? or.." you get an answer to that question when you turn to renjun and he stares at you with that pointed look, so you know better than to question his words, and like a lost puppy, you follow behind him to his room.

renjun doesn't say anything more, just takes off his jacket and falls face first onto his bed. you sort of just stand there awkwardly, fidgeting with the zipper on your jacket. renjun turns over, eyes staring up at the ceiling, they then flick over to you, a soft look in them dedicated towards you.

you simply blink at him, chuckling at the display before you. renjun doesn't speak, just gestures you over with his index finger. when you step closer, you simply sigh and sit down on his soft mattress, you were about to fall back and go to sleep yourself, but you stop from doing such things. "what's up with you?"

renjun sighs, and that sigh quickly forms into a soft whine. "i'm so tired y/n" his head rests against his pillow, and his eyes begin drooping shut slowly.

you smile, he's so cute. "then sleep".

renjun seems to want to comply with that, but he thinks about it before answering. "are you still gonna be here when i wake up?"

the question baffles you, it's a question asked with pure exhaustion in his voice, a look in his eye that's so tempting you just want to dive in to kiss him at this very moment, but you stop yourself from acting on such desires, trying to seem not as desperate as you felt. you shrug at the question, which makes renjun frown. "it depends on if you want me here when you wake up".

"if i wake up in the next few hours and i don't see you right there beside me, we are going to have serious issues y/n".

his demanding tone and the serious look in his eye is enough to get another chuckle out of you. renjun then makes himself comfortable, patting the pillow beside his. "lay down with me".

"you're so bossy" you laugh, and renjun is too annoyed to punch your shoulder, so he lets out a tiny irritated grunt in response. you let your jacket fall to the floor, laying your head down onto the soft material of the pillow, almost falling asleep right then and there.

renjun reaches out and begins caressing your cheek with his thumb. again, it's strangely intimate, a satisfying touch against your face which begins to relax you. renjun has no idea why he keeps doing this, but you would tell him if you felt uncomfortable, and you aren't, you like the feeling if you say so yourself.

but just as you were about to doze off, getting coaxed to sleep by the smooth ministrations on your cheek, renjun asks one last question.

"you sure you're still gonna be here when i wake up?"

through your sleepy haze, you nod and let out a tiny chuckle, eyes closing against your own will. "i will, promise".

"promise.." renjun mimics, it's not a question, not a statement or anything, he just whispers the word into the air, continuing to stroke your cheek as he stares at you, slowly slipping into a deep sleep.

sleep quickly takes him away as well, but not before he smiles at the sight of your tired face.

AT 8:03 AM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN the same spot he fell asleep, which he very much expected. he only rubs his eyes in the slightest, they take a little too long to adjust to the light permeating through the window, though only a small crack of sunlight, it's enough to make his eyes close once again, taking a few more eye openings for them to adjust to the sight of his surrounding room. when they finally to adjust, he's quick to glance over at the spot beside him, and he smiles as he sees you in the same place he left you. you had kept your promise of still being there when he woke up, and though renjun would probably call himself stupid for this on most days, he stops and stares. he keeps his head laid back comfortably onto his pillow and watches you sleep.

that sounds pretty creepy in hindsight, but at the current moment, renjun feels like he has to stare at your snoring figure. your face is half turned into the pillow your laying on, your cheeks dusted red as they press into the soft fabric of the pillow. he giggles softly as he watches your chest rise and fall, the only sound he can hear being the inhales your taking in and the exhales your letting out.

ah, so you're not a snorer, renjun finds the fact to be surprising. it's not that he expected you to have monster snoring habits or something, but he expected at least some sort of loud noises from you while you slept, but no, you sleep so gently.

you sleep like a baby, and you also look like one in the dimly lit room. sun shining on your face, highlighting your features, your pink lips parted as you let out short breaths, your cheeks a rosy red, he can't help but smile at the sight of you sleeping in front of him.

you look so cute, so serene, renjun wants to pinch your cheek and never let go.

but then he's struck with the realization that he has to wake up, a realization that makes him frown as he lets out a small groan.

the sound emanating from his lips seems to be loud enough that you startle out of your slumber, shifting slightly against the mattress. renjun almost jumps back in surprise when he sees you shift again, rubbing your eyes and letting out a small groan. renjun doesn't take his eyes off you, though, just watches you stretch awake, then close your eyes once again.

after what seems like forever, your eyes open and you blink a few times at the male in front of you. when you stop blinking, you smile at him, as he makes no effort to even try to look away from you. "hi" you greet, taking a deep breath as you sigh against the material of the pillow under your head.

"hi" renjun greets back, unable to resist his giggle as he stares at your tired morning face.

you try your best to tilt your head, humming at his greeting. "were you watching me?" you ask immediately, trying your best to tease him even with the rasp of your voice.

"yeah".

"you creep".

renjun does nothing to confirm or deny the claim, simply hums and gently flicks your forehead, making you let out a wince of pain, a wince he's sure you're faking. "you sleep like a baby".

you furrow your eyebrows, seemingly confused by that statement. "what is that supposed to mean?"

"you sleep so peacefully, like you have no responsibilities in life".

the statement makes you snicker, and you turn more into the pillow to hide your quickly reddening face. renjun giggles again, fulfilling his desire of pinching your cheek, an act of affection that you quickly flinch away from, clearly flustered but instead feigning annoyance.

"that's a stupid way to describe it".

"was just describing what i saw".

"okay then responsible adult, go get up and do responsible adult things".

renjun rolls his eyes, shoving your shoulder and rising from his comfortable blanket, stretching his arms above his head. he slaps your thigh, eliciting a small yelp from you. "come on, let's go".

you seem puzzled by that order. "let's go where?"

"to the bathroom, we have to go brush our teeth".

"we?"

"yes we, get up i have an extra toothbrush for you".

so, again like a lost puppy, you rise from your place on renjun's bed and follow behind him to the bathroom.

you find it laughable how easily you fall under his control.

"do you enjoy ordering me around?"

"i think you enjoy being ordered around" renjun is quick to accuse, an accusation that you just chuckle at, which is all he needs as confirmation. he gets into a familiar spot in front of his mirror, picking up his toothbrush and turning on the sink. "you never question my orders, you always follow me around, do you like that in guys?"

you laugh at the words, clearly amused but clearly not offended. he picks up an extra toothbrush and hands it over to you, having to resist the urge to smile at the sight of your messy hair. "you could say something like that".

renjun scoffs softly. "you're gross" he comments, rolling his eyes as he begins brushing his teeth, staring at you through the reflection of the mirror. renjun focuses less on brushing his teeth and more on how pretty you look, even having just rolled out of bed and hair pretty much messed out of proportion, you still look so beautiful in his eye.

you notice his eyes on you, and seeing as he's currently brushing his teeth, you decide to take your chance. "if you like how i look that much you can just say so".

renjun almost bites down on his toothbrush upon hearing the words. clever asshole, he says in his head, irritated by how you took that opportunity to make a witty comment.

you grin in victory, beginning to brush your teeth just as renjun spits out the toothpaste formerly in his mouth. "you think you're sooo smooth, huh?"

he's annoyed, most definitely flustered, though, if his red cheeks are any indicator, but he's not going to give the satisfaction of flustering him (even though you definitely did). you nod at his question, proud of your flirty little comment.

"you're so annoying".

"and cute right?"

the two of you make eye contact through the mirror reflection again, and you use that opportunity to wink at him while he has his eyes on you, only making renjun scrunch his nose again.

"you're not cute".

"i think you'd disagree, seeing as how you were literally devouring me back in that bathroom".

renjun sends you a glare, immediately flipping you off as he sees you wink again in the reflection of the mirror.

"at least be nice to me".

renjun rolls his eyes so much that he's sure they're going to get stuck in the same spot.

oh you're so good at annoying him.

AT 10:48 AM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN a spot he'd rather not be in. he lets na jaemin get away with things way too often, because there are way too many bottles on the floor and at least half of them were drank by him. still, he can't just leave the mess on the floor, it's not like it'll clean itself up. after eating breakfast, and making sure to insult your favorite cereals, renjun stared at the hefty bottle mess on the floor for what seemed like years. he then rolled his eyes and let out a groan knowing he had to clean it all up. he can't really make an excuse now, so, he starts his picking up the empty bottles off the floor, cursing in his head as he finds himself starting to get annoyed once again.

"renjun! do you see this?"

oh right, you're still here. renjun pauses to look over at you, and he lightly chuckles at what he sees. your standing there (in one of his sweaters by the way holy shit) with a polaroid camera in your hands. it's a camera renjun recognizes, he used to love that thing when he first got it, but he forgot about it after a while. "where'd you find that?"

"in your room".

renjun raises an eyebrow, a grin tugging at his lips. "were you going through my stuff?"

you look baffled by the question, and you quickly stutter through your response. "no! no! i wasn't i was just looking for a sweater because you told me to and i found it in your closet!"

renjun finds it easy to laugh at your display, and the frown on your face is so cute he has to resist the urge to kiss you right then and there. "okay then, what's so interesting about it?"

"well nothing in particular i just really like polaroid cameras!"

you're so.. cute? adorable? precious? all of those adjectives describe you perfectly. you're always so giddy about the things your into, even the hobbies most people would consider "boring" you talk about with such interest, renjun has no idea why he notices you this way, it's never been like this with most of his new years flings. yeah most of them have made it to his home, but it's simply something about you, you make renjun feel a sort of way he never thought he'd feel for a guy he met at a bar on new years eve.

you don't feel like just a fling, you feel like more than that, you sort of feel like home in a way. he would love to go out with you sometime, even if the new years eve bathroom makeout session never happened, he thinks a date with you would be perfect, he can already envision it now.

but wait, why is he doing that? why is he standing here, staring at your pretty face, and thinking about dating you? there's no way he feels anything serious for you, right? it's not like he's in love with you, he can't be! you don't fall in love with someone you've only known for a good eleven hours!

he isn't even sure if he knows what love is, but he knows he can't be in love with you.

renjun snaps out of his thoughts when he hears the click of a camera, he immediately turns to over to you, and he frowns as he sees your fingers on the button of the camera. "y/n".

you blink, catching his frown, any playfulness in your tone immediately disappears. "what? did i do something wrong?"

"why'd you take a picture?"

you again seem baffled by the question, because you let out a small snicker. "you looked very pretty in the moment".

"i don't think that's true".

"it is! you're so photogenic are you kidding me!?"

you stare at the polaroid containing the picture of renjun in your hands, smiling softly at what you see. renjun smiles at the words, feeling his cheeks flare up as you gaze down at the polaroid. "you're so corny".

"and you're still cornier".

renjun snickers, but he doesn't say anymore, turning away from you to focus back on picking up the bottles on the floor. you finally look up, placing the polaroid of him on the counter. "you seem very into that".

you hum, stepping closer to him. "i told you! i really like polaroid cameras!" renjun turns back to you, and he almost falls onto the floor realizing how close you are.

you stare down at the camera, playing with the several buttons. "i don't have a polaroid camera back at my place, but i have a point and shoot camera! maybe i can show it to you sometime".

you smile as you say those words, immediately turning around and going to place the camera on the counter, you miss renjun's reaction to your words. what did you mean by sometime? does that mean you're still going to talk after this? does that mean you're planning to take him to your place at least once? he can't help but overthink the words instantly.

but before he can ask you about it, you gasp. "you've been cleaning on your own the whole time!? let me help you!"

and renjun doesn't exactly know when to bring up his many thoughts, so the two of you begin cleaning the bottles together. you make sure to slip out a few more flirty comments in that time, comments that renjun makes sure to combat with steady glares and muttered curses, even with how red his face becomes.

for some reason, this feels.. right. renjun finds cleaning with you to be fun, he's enjoying even the smallest of moments he can share with you.

it sort of feels like you two are dating.

renjun spends way too much of his time staring at you. staring at you pick up bottles from the floor, staring at you ramble about cereal, staring at you take many more polaroids of him, polaroids you stated you'd "cherish forever".

this is strange, it's strange how he feels. it's strange how you make him feel, he doesn't remember the last time he ever felt this way for any guy, for anyone.

so, as renjun watches you wash the dishes, listening to your ramblings, he wonders if this is what love feels like, if this is what you were talking about back at the bar when you first met. you snicker at something you said in one of your random stories, but you stop as you notice renjun zoning out, clearly not paying attention to you.

"what are you thinking about?" you ask, drying off the plate and placing it back in the rack. renjun again snaps out of his daze, immediately breaking eye contact with you as he feels his face burn. "come on! renjunie~"

your wet finger touches his cheek, making him bite his inner cheek. "just.. something".

"you're not going to tell me about this something?"

renjun shakes his head, uncharacteristically silent. "i don't know if i'm ready to tell you about my stupid thoughts".

you get his words, so you don't press on. "alright, if you ever do want to tell me, you know i'm here".

renjun can only really stare at you, it's then that the realization dawns on him. oh god he likes you, he likes you so much that he might die if he doesn't spit it out instantly.

and when he sees you smile again, he has to use every ounce of energy in his body to not collapse onto the floor.

AT 6:17 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF IN a little bit of a crisis, a crisis that's begun all because of you. he feels his palms begin getting sweaty, and he can't stare at you for too long or he'll literally melt from how heated his face is becoming. it's literally january, it should be so cold that he's frozen, but he's burning every time he stares at you. he feels so embarrassed just saying something to you, and you can clearly tell you're getting to him because your smiles slowly begin to turn into smirks, smirks that burn into his brain and make his thoughts turn into mush in an instant. now he can't really tell you about his thoughts, because he's afraid of spilling his true feelings if he does.

renjun doesn't feel like any of this is intentional, you're not stringing him along just so you can break his heart and never contact him again.. at least, he hopes you're not. renjun feels like he's been through this exact process so many times, but none of the previous times have ever transpired like this before. you have to be an alien of some sorts, renjun has never met someone like you.

he hears his inner voice laughing in his mind, making fun of him for falling so easily into your hands. you do this each time, renjun, you say it's going to be different this coming new year and it never is, how long until you stop falling for these guys who don't care?

a pit forms in his stomach at the thought, and renjun finds himself upset much more easily than he thought he'd be.

love is weird, love has always been weird. it's never been easy for renjun to ever get love, either he got backstabbed by someone he thought he was on good terms with, or they would ghost him because they weren't interested but couldn't say it with their own fucking words.

why does he assume it'll be any different with you?

why does he assume that you're probably just as into him as he is you? what if he's reading everything wrong and you're really only here for one thing? what if you're just playing the long game?

renjun feels like he has no idea what's real or what's not. he can't read you and it makes him much more anxious than anything, he doesn't want to think that you're just like everyone else but considering his luck with love on new years, you probably are.

he feels like he's about to throw up.

"are you really going to quit your job?"

renjun asks that question out of desperation, out of the need for a conversation. your eyes flick over to him, and a smile comes to your face as you register the question. you look so pretty, the lighting in the room accentuates your features. "with the way it's going there? yeah".

"aren't you afraid of not being able to find more work..?" he bites his inner cheek, he has no idea why he asks that, he doesn't have control over your actions, you could quit whenever you want to, what difference would his opinion make.

"no, i have backup plans for that".

renjun didn't really expect that as an answer, but it's a good answer nonetheless, because he finds himself smiling at your words. "what's with your job that's shitty? is it the people? is it your coworkers?"

"that place is making me feel like garbage under someone's shoe, can't do anything without being yelled at or cussed out by a higher up because i'm being slow, customers lay their hands on me and i can't even do anything because the customer is always right!"

your frustrated, genuinely, probably the first ever time he's seen you frustrated since the clock struck twelve. just seeing you so frustrated is enough to weird him out, so he quickly tries to change the subject. "i hope you succeed at your resolution, that place sounds like hell".

"it is hell, the moment i can escape the confines of that place i'll be free, but anyway, what are you going to do to make your resolution come true?"

renjun blinks at you, mind suddenly blank. "what?"

you shift in your place on the other side of the couch, focusing all of your attention on renjun, who is struggling not to melt under your stare. "your resolution was to stop making mistakes with people you love or whatever, how are you going to fulfill that?"

renjun pauses, silence enveloping the room, he doesn't exactly know how to answer that, yeah he said his resolution with confidence, but that might've just been the alcohol that was in his system at that moment. how was he supposed to stop making the same mistake over and over again if he was currently doing it right now? he's sitting here with you, the cute guy he met at a bar on new years eve that he couldn't resist, it's a repetitive cycle that will never end.

renjun feels like an idiot, a hypocrite, how did he manage to fail at his whole resolution on new years day? he can't believe how easily he surrendered himself to you.

but when renjun glances up at you, catching your eyes in the process, he almost wants to fall into your arms and never leave them, he wants to wrap his arms around you and never let go.

"i think that resolution will take a while to reach, love is complicated and all.. i really just need time, i guess".

"time?"

renjun is afraid his voice is going to sound too quiet if he speaks. you stare at him with those eyes again, you stare at him as if you're in love with him, and renjun thinks that's crazy, because why would you ever be in love with him? the idea is a stupid one, he should cast it aside.

"yeah time, time is precious.. love takes time, i think this year, i'll be willing to wait for it".

the words strike you in a way you don't expect, and renjun picks up on it, because you pause for a moment and stare at him for a while. you stare for so long that renjun swears he's going to melt under your gaze, you then smile, your smile so pretty that renjun swears he's going to fall to the floor.

"how long are you willing to wait?"

"as long as it takes".

your about to respond again, but renjun quickly stands up, changing the subject. "do you like coffee ice cream?" he immediately asks, glancing at his fridge as he tries his best to pretend he's unaffected by your pretty eyes staring at him like that.

your eyes light up, clearly entertained by the idea of an ice cream party happening. "yeah, i like all ice cream flavors".

renjun snorts, clearly amused by your response. "weirdo".

you furrow your eyebrows, feigning offense at the words. renjun smiles at the perturbed look on your face, walking over to his fridge to go get the ice cream he had mentioned. "your calling me weird? you're so mean to me".

renjun doesn't listen to your complaints, he snickers at your tone of voice. you frown as you hear him laugh, crossing your arms stubbornly and turning away from him when he comes back with pints of ice cream. "are you mad at me?"

you don't respond.

renjun scoffs playfully, sitting down across from you. he blinks at you, watching you resist the urge to smile. "y/n~"

"shut up i'm trying to ignore you".

"you can't ignore me! or no ice cream!"

you gasp at the words, immediately giving him all of your attention. "hey! you can't do that if you offered it to me!"

"i can! and i will!"

"come on huang renjun!"

renjun only giggles as your complaints skyrocket in volume.

AT 11:34 PM, RENJUN FOUND HIMSELF ON top of the world. okay, not literally, but he felt like he was at the very moment. you had stayed for much longer than the both of you intended for you to, you kept saying that you would leave whenever, stop making renjun feel uncomfortable (did you really think you were making him feel that way? oh you have no idea), but he continued to deny your claims, he denied it until 11 o'clock rolled around and he found himself back at the time he started, except it was all different now. renjun is on the rooftop of his apartment building, staring up at the sky and the shining stars that create a line of luminosity across the airspace. the only reason renjun is on the roof right now is because you convinced him.

you managed to convinced him so easily, pleading eyes on display and pout enormous.

"renjun?" you asked as you walked into the kitchen, staring outside the open window at the night sky, lightly shivering at the cold air that hit you. "can i ask for a favor?"

renjun turned to you, running a hand through his hair as he stared at you. he's probably do you a million favors, how hasn't he done you one today?

"yeah, ask away".

you paused for a moment, staring at renjun for a what seemed like forever (in renjun's metrics), a seemingly anxious look in your eyes. "are we allowed to go to the rooftop of the building?"

renjun furrowed his eyebrows, puzzled by the question, why would you be curious about that?

"uh.. why?"

you stayed silent for a while, the longest you've ever gone without talking to renjun this day, that's weird, he's used to you running your mouth all the time. your eyes casted to the side, and renjun narrowed his own, noticing your sudden nervousness.

"i wanna go look at the stars.." you muttered, not looking at renjun as you said those words.

renjun let out a small laugh at the realization of what you wanted, but you seemed to think he was making fun of you, because you looked away again, clearly embarrassed by his laughter. "you know what we don't have to just pretend i never asked that i'll go now—"

"no no no! don't take it that way, i think it's cute, i'll go with you".

renjun likes describing your fascination for stars as 'cute', a fact that you made sure to note as you watched him grab his jacket. "what are you waiting for? come on!"

and what do you do when the huang renjun gives you an order? you obey like a mind controlled robot.

so, you allowed for renjun to take your hand (an action that flustered you much more than it should've) and lead you up to roof of his apartment building, the cold january air doing nothing to deter him from his mission, the mission he wanted to complete because of you.

your fingers are still intertwined when you make it up there, but your now less focused on his warm hands and more on the luminous lights in the night sky. your jacket is unzipped, barely protecting you from the freezing temperature of the outside, but the stars are much more appealing to you.

renjun chuckles lightly, feeling you squeeze his hand as another breeze of cold air rushes past you. "you're so into them y/n" he teases, nudging you with his shoulder.

"they're so pretty" you mutter, your eyes practically sparkling with amazement.

renjun watches you for what seems like forever (in his own metrics), distracted by your face. he admires your pure interest, it makes him smile, a smile that you clearly notice, as he catches your glancing eyes.

you then sigh, shivering lightly from the cold air outside. "renjun, i have a question for you".

your tone is much more serious than he expects it to be, and a pit forms in his stomach almost immediately. "you have to answer it with complete honesty though okay?"

renjun almost can't look you in the eye, and you grab both of his hands, facing him as you begin swinging your laced hands back and forth. renjun nods, almost a little too enthusiastically, but he can't exactly worry about that right now.

"do you like me?"

god of course i do, are you stupid?

but renjun bites his tongue, just chuckling and looking to the side. he squeezes your hands, looking back at you with an indescribable expression. "yes".

you look surprised, which surprises renjun himself. "yes? like actually—"

"y/n i don't know what you think has been transpiring today but— i don't know i really do like you, i'm not sure if it's love yet or whatever but i don't want to just let you go, i don't want for this day to end and for us to go back to being strangers again i.. i want to keep you in my life".

you blink, baffled by the words. your face reddens, you hope you can use the cold as an excuse for that. "really?"

renjun lets out a silent laugh, you're so cute. "yes really, was i not obvious?"

"was i not obvious?"

renjun realizes the irony of the situation, and he giggles again, looking down at the floor. "you're so dumb y/n" he pokes your cheek with his index finger. "but yeah, i'd like to go out with you sometime.. like, on a date".

your about to fall to the floor.

"alright, we can start with that.. dates, no labels, no rushing, we can take time with this".

renjun likes the sound of that, and he communicates that thought to you with another squeeze of your hand, smiling prettily at you. "i can get behind that" he leans closer intentionally. "can i still kiss you though?"

you roll your eyes, he's adorable, you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, your way of answering his question. "yes, you dummy".

renjun scoffs softly, ignoring how quickly his face is heating up. "you're corny".

"and you're still cornier".

renjun would fight with you on it, but he thinks he'll let you have this win tonight.

RENJUN IS EATING HIS LUNCH WHEN JAEMIN brings it up, he wasn't really listening to his friends converse all this time, distracted by something else, or someone else.. he supposes. his head finally shoots up after a good twenty minutes of him ignoring his friends conversation about if mark could beat jeno in a fight, and he's met with a smug smiling na jaemin, a look he's quick to furrow his eyebrows at. jaemin snickers as he sees renjun's confusion, ready to ask a completely idiotic question. "renjunie? how did you and your little fling turned out?" the question is one jaemin probably should've asked a week ago, but he's asking it now that january is coming to a close? how amusing.

renjun blinks, chuckling immediately at the question. "what do you mean?"

jaemin scowls, slapping his arm lightly. "that cute guy you took home on new years eve! what happened between you two?"

"oh the cute guy?" chenle is quick to inquire as he turns to the older, jaemin nods in response. "yeah him! what was his name again..? y/n?"

"oh right! he was cute! did he let you hit?"

"excuse me?"

"i can't believe i passed out!" donghyuck whines in frustration, earning a small pat on the back from jeno, who was trying his best to stifle his giggles. "i wanted to meet renjun's cute guy" he pouts, sinking into his seat with crossed arms.

"oh he was so cute, hyuck, renjun got lucky with him".

"and funny too! funnier than the asshole from our last new years eve outing!"

renjun simply watches as jaemin and chenle go on to rave about you to donghyuck, who seems impressed even though you aren't even there, he laughs in his head at the fact, you're so charming you don't even have to be present to impress his friends.

"he sounds better than the other guys".

"he is!"

jaemin then turns back to renjun, forgetting about his first mission entirely. "soooo renjunie? how'd it go with your guy? did you sleep with him?"

renjun's face flushes at the question, he is very much embarrassed. he rolls his eyes, face practically on fire. "..yes".

"was he good?"

"don't ask that!"

jaemin yelps at the slap he gets from renjun, pouting as he stares at him. "asshole" he's quick to say, sticking his tongue out at the older, who just rolls his eyes again.

"so what happened after that?"

"what?"

chenle is clearly very invested in this. "did he just leave after that? did you get his number? are you two still in touch?"

"and if you aren't can you give me his socials?"

renjun gives jaemin a side glare, answering the question with almost a minute of silence. he hesitates before saying anything, earning weird looks from his friends. "well.."

"come on! spit it out!"

"don't rush me" renjun grits his teeth, fidgeting with the collar of his shirt as he thinks about you, a small smile coming to his face as he does. "were going on a date later today.."

chenle gasps, jaemin yells, donghyuck slams his hand onto the table, and jeno begins silently clapping. "real shit!?"

"yeah.."

"oh my god!" jaemin squeals, shaking renjun out of pure excitement. "congrats renjunie!"

renjun just lets him at this point, laughing at his energy. "don't get so up, it's not official yet were just going out".

"still! progress is being made!"

renjun can't resist his smile, and he looks down to avoid eye contact with his friends.

"renjun!"

renjun snaps his head towards the voice, seeing the front desk clerk walking up to him with a bouquet of peonies in his hands. "hi, do you need something?"

the clerk smiles, extending the bouquet towards him. "a guy came here and dropped these off, he told me to give them to you".

renjun blinks, slowly taking the bouquet of flowers as he pieces the puzzle together. "thank you" he whispers, staring at the flowers in his hands as his face heats up quickly.

as he examines the bouquet, ignoring the teasing of his friends, he finds a note, a note that he immediately smiles at upon reading.

a little birdie told me these were your favorite flowers? i can see why :) anyway, eat well, i'll see you tonight pretty!!

love, y/n ♡

oh you're so sweet.

jaemin gasps as he reads from the older's shoulder. "i can't believe it! you hit the jackpot with this guy renjunie!" but renjun can't even find it in himself to get mad at jaemin for being nosy, he's too busy trying to not cry at this gesture.

renjun can't believe he has you, he feels so lucky, like the happiest guy in the world.

"why can't i get flowers from a cute guy? when is it my turn?!"

renjun only chuckles at chenle's complaints, much too distracted thinking about you.

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

Die For you

I would die for you, I would lie for you, keep it real for you, I will kill for you, my baby

CM Punk’s little crush on Y/n quickly becomes an obsession. He can’t stop thinking about her, it gets to the point that he starts following her. At first, he thought it was creepy but it ended up saving Y/n’s life after her jealous ex Wardlow plans to take advantage of her after suffering a head injury on Dynamite. 

Warnings: Crazy possessive Phill, mentions of blood, stitches/staples, SA, stalking, swearing, Punk literally kills someone with his bear hands, 18 +, read at your own risk (word count: 2K)

Older (Pt 1) Obsessed (Pt 3) Main Masterlist

CM PUNK Masterlist

Ever since that day in Y/n’s locker room, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. My little crush had quickly turned into an obsession. I couldn’t eat, I couldn't sleep, everything I did I did for her. I craved her. She never said anything about my confessions, she played it off, claiming I was just trying to make her feel better but my words were true. “I would do anything and everything for you. I will give you the world. You will never have to worry about a single thing.” All I wanted was to protect her, hold her in my arms as she cried, spoil her with expensive gifts, love her to death. The news of her being single again spread like wildfire, I found it pathetic how men threw themselves at her. No matter how hard they tried they would never be like me, she would never find someone like me. I needed her and although she didn’t realize it yet she needed me. Every week after Dynamite I would follow her, I know what you're thinking. I’m crazy, I’m stalking her but I am just protecting her. I would watch her like a hawk backstage and follow her to her car, making sure she was safe. 

“Don’t you think this is a bit much?” Cash asked me with a concerned look on his face

“What are you talking about?” I asked him

“ You are stalking her, It’s creepy,” He told me

“I am not stalking her, I am just making sure she’s safe. There are a lot of creeps out there” 

“Right, next thing you are going to tell me is that you didn’t send roses to her locker room” I could feel my heart rate increase as I heard the words leave my best friend’s mouth. “What?” I asked, with a slight anger in my voice. “The large bouquet of red roses? You sent them right?” I did not send flowers to Y/n’s locker room. That would be a move of a coward, a real man would hand-deliver such a thing. “No, I didn’t send her flowers” I was angry, why? I’m not exactly sure. “Oh-uh okay then?” Who sent Y/n these flowers? I needed to know. 

The next week the same thing happened. Luckily for me, I happened to be with Y/n when the flowers arrived. This time they were white Daffodils. “It looks like you have a secret admirer,” I told Y/n with a fake smile on my face. “I wouldn’t say secret admirer. More of a stalker if you ask me” Stalker? What does she mean stalker? “Stalker?” I asked “It started as little gifts to my locker room but then they started showing up at my house” I could feel my blood start to boil “I just feel like I’m being watched” 

“What do you mean being watched?” I asked

“I don’t know, I just feel like someone is watching me” 

“If you want, I can stay with you tonight. I promise I won’t try anything. It could help your peace of mind?” I could tell she was hesitant but I swear as much as I wanted to sleep with her this was just for her peace of mind. “I promise,” I told her again, trying not to scare her

“I mean…If they see me with you they might back off?” That along with the fact I would beat the shit out of anyone who dared lay their hands on you, yeah I would say they would back off, I thought to myself. “It’s worth a shot,” I told Y/n. “You have a match tonight, right? Maybe after we can grab something to eat before we head back to the hotel?” I heard about a new restaurant that had just opened up in the town we were staying in so how would I pass up the opportunity to take my baby out for a treat after her big match tonight? “Sounds good. As long as I’m back before midnight” She told me “Why? Are you going to turn into a pumpkin or something?” “Maybe” 

I watched Y/n’s match from a backstage monitor and for some reason, the moment she stepped out there I had this gut feeling something would happen. The beginning of the match was good, I  had almost forgotten about what I was worrying about until I saw it. The way Y/n’s head ricocheted off the barricade, obviously ringing her bell. The thud was sickening, echoing throughout the whole arena.  I watched the blood pour out of her skull, a wound like that would need stitches. She was down, I thought she might have gotten knocked out. The ref checked on her lifeless body, the arena silent unsure of what would happen. Of courseY/n would deny that she was hurt, I watched her stumble back to her feet. The match went on. The lack of blood loss was causing Y/n to get a bit sloppy, she wasn’t as stable on her feet but somehow it added to the tension of this match. She was running on pure adrenaline, hitting her opponent with everything she had before delivering a Death Valley drive followed by a picture-perfect black arrow. 1…2…3.. The match was over. 

The backstage area was pure chaos as medical staff waited for Y/n to return backstage. I ran to the gorilla to greet her but to my surprise Wardlow had beat me to it. Why the fuck was he there? I was angry, the poor girl was confused, she had no idea what was going on. Of course Wardlow would take advantage and act like they were still together. I watched as medical tried to pull her away from him but she insisted he went with her. Everyone knew what Wardlow did, they knew how fucked up Y/n must have been since for the past few weeks she wound’t let Wardlow within 10 feet of her. As much as they knew she would hate them for letting her confused state with him it was worse to argue with someone in such a state. Wardlow gave me a nasty look as he walked hand and hand with Y/n to medical. 

Now I sat in my car feeling disgusted as I watched Y/n go home with Wardlow. She was severely concussed  and needed 10 stitches and a few staples to close the gash on her head. I knew I shouldn't be following them but I couldn't bear to see the love of my life get taken advantage of like this. I knew what he would do, he would act all sweet, take her to her hotel room, probably make love to her then once she fell asleep he would sneak out and get with a bunch of groupies. How did I know this? Well I heard him talking to his buddy Max about his plan and it made me sick. What happened to her and I going out after the show and me protecting her from her stalker who I assume is Wardlow? I let her go with him, I’m letting everything I promised would never happen, happen. Don’t worry baby, daddy will take care of it. 

Carefully I followed the pair without getting detected, with every step I took I could feel the sweat gather on my hairline, my heart started racing, my body told me to speed up, something was wrong, Y/n was in trouble. Wait what the fuck? Why are there now three people? Wardlow carried a most likely unconscious Y/n and a mystery man stood in front of them. My mind filled with horrible thoughts, I tried to push them away but they were too strong. I hid behind a corner once they stopped. Was this their room? Wait a second, this isn’t even the hotel Y/n and I checked into this morning. How didn’t I notice that? “Well look at that, doesn’t she look so peaceful” Wardlow said to the mystery man. “You were right, she’s a pretty one. She will probably be out for a while too with all that stuff they gave her” what stuff? What kind of shit is in Y/n’s system? I didn’t even want to think about the things they would do to her. I charged at the mystery man I had never seen before. I jumped on his back and began my attack, then I was on the ground. I knew I was at a disadvantage, this was a two on one assault not to mention they were both larger than I. They got a few hits in before I returned to my attack. I punched Wardlow so hard in the face I could feel his nose crack on my knuckles. I watched him scream in agony as the blood gushed out of his face. “You’re fucking crazy Punk” he yelled “Your goddam right I am. Don’t fucken touch my girl” I spat back, continuing to pummel the man. Wardlow knew he couldn't win this war. He ran off leaving the mystery man stranded with me. I wanted to kill this man, the words I heard him say about Y/n made me sick, he was dead. I didn’t care about the consequences. All I cared about was showing everyone what would happen if they touched what was mine. I don’t know how long I spent beating up that mystery man who’s name I would later find out to be James. I didn’t care that he was soon unconscious, I beat him up far beyond recognition. I don’t think I killed him but who knows maybe I did. I only stopped my attack when I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. 

Y/n stood behind me with a horrified look on her face. “Did you kill him?” Reality sunk in, I looked at my bloodied hands, James then Y/n. “No baby, I- he’s just sleeping, that’s all” I told her reassuringly, she didn’t buy it. I scanned Y/n’s body for any injuries and saw nothing new. “You’re okay now. I really did mean it when I said I would do anything for you. I would die for you, I would lie for you, keep it real for you, I will kill for you, my baby” I got up and held her close, promising that I would protect her. “Are you hurt?” I asked “No, but my head hurts” "Well no shit, you have staples in your head" “That was a pretty nasty wound” “I bet it looked cool though right?” “Very cool Y/n” “I don’t remember anything that happened after. How did I get here?” “That’s a story for another day my love, you need some rest.” I told Y/n. All I wanted to do was sleep. “I love you” “I love you too Y/n” and with that, we left. 

[steddieas-shegoes]

the freak and the hair and lex

it's time for the weekly fic rec, where i give the top 3 (to me) fics by some of my favorite authors. please always check out their masterlists/works because these authors may have stuff you love even more than what i put here! as always, check tags before reading and leave kudos and comments and reblog whenever possible to support writers!

this week is @thefreakandthehair and let me tell ya, this was one of the hardest weeks to narrow it down to my top 3. i have gone back and forth on lex's works for three days trying to narrow it down (and also realized at some point i missed a few posts so i'm about to do a binge read oops). lex is so talented and does so many things for the fandom, so everyone go celebrate her gifts to us!

lex's tumblr | lex's ao3

rounding third, sliding home Rated E | wip/big bang fic The much anticipated big bang fic is in progress and it's SO GOOD. I don't even like baseball, but Lex is proof that I can and will like any situation these boys are in. Massage therapist Eddie!!! Hello!!! I don't have to go into detail to let you know how that's going. Favorite part: Honestly, since it's a wip, I don't wanna give one yet. But I will say that the overall premise of a massage therapist being able to do what trainers and doctors couldn't makes something really happy in my brain.

ice is made to melt (so is my heart) Rated M | 1,507 words It's hockey. I sniff out hockey fics like a hunting dog. I mean it's literally just hockey fan Eddie and I'm eating it up like I've been starving for years. Favorite part because these are possibly word for word things I have screamed at my television at the Bruins whomst I love with my entire heart but would beat with a hockey stick if given the chance: "Are your blades dipped in fucking butter?” “The puck goes in the net!” "You can't shoot for shit, just like you can't grow a decent mustache, huh?" “Your job is to use your big ass body to stop the teensy tiny puck from getting around you and that’s a Hell of a lot easier if you stay in the fucking crease!” 

Livin' On A Prayer  Rated E | 17,915 words It's the classic idiots in love but don't realize it even though they basically have been boyfriends the entire time trope and I cannot get enough. It's like a slow-fast burn in the sense that they're dumb, but this is still short enough to binge in one relatively quick go. Favorite part which is kinda a spoiler so: “And I know myself well enough to know that I would die before letting anything happen to you, especially after nearly losing you once already, so I felt like being here was safest. And I— I don’t mean the same way that I love the kids or Robin or really anyone else. I’d die for them too but that’s— that’s not my point. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I know this is one sided or whatever but I just, I’ve been wanting to tell you just to get it out of me because carrying this around alone for months and months has been wrecking me… I think I’m in love with you.”

[shortpplfedup]

Only Friends Character Rankings Episode 3

Man Jojo, Ninew, Ninepinta and Vivienne know exactly how to build a mess because this was OUTSTANDING. Here's how the pimps and hoes are stacking up this week.

🔺1. Boston (3)

Damn! Tilly Birds should write a song about you.

THIS NASTY SHITBAG MOTHERFUCKER YAAASSSSSS KWEEEEN! Boston spent the entire episode mansplaining, manipulating and manwhoring and considering that is what this whole show is even about he fucking wins the week! Stringing Nick along, spewing poison into Top's and Ray's ears, fucking Top nasty in a classic automobile...I don't care what any of you say, he's the winner.

🔻2. Ray (1)

Don’t define it. Just enjoy your life. You said you could differentiate between love and lust.

This dizzy bitch. This messy mess-ass hoe. Playing with everybody's feelings because he can never face up to his own and just fucking deal with his shit. Everybody is correctly fed up of his bullshit, including Sand and Sand LITERALLY JUST MET HIM. Sand telling him to save his money for a shrink was the best advice any character has ever given any other character on any show anywhere.

🔺3. Nick (5)

Can friends with benefits turn into lovers?

Well the boy is dumb but he's not dumb if you know what I mean. Boston is screwing with his head and he knows it, but he just can't help himself cuz dick2bomb. They say you should never actually get your crush, and this is why. Nick being a sneaky surveillance spy bitch is the main reason Boston should've never messed with him, because now he's gonna go NSA on his ass. He wants that man and he will have him, whatever it takes.

🔹4. Sand (4)

If you want a boyfriend, get yourself a boyfriend. Don't mess with me.

SAND YOU KNOW BETTER! YOU KNOW THIS MAN IS A MESS! AND YET YOU ARE STILL FALLING FOR HIS CHARM. Sand giggling and twirling his hair with Ray in the car was...it was embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you sir. Sack the fuck up. Like when you threw Top the middle finger, more of that. Also, what the fuck happened between those two TELL ME JOJO!

⭐5. Yo

Sweet as sugar, hard as ice. Hurt me once, I'll kill you twice. Haven’t you heard?

We have our first sighting of Yo in the rankings! Homegirl clearly has all her shit together: a thriving business, a hot and devoted younger man, and a house full of kids who stay drinking her dranks and eating her food because they can't get their shit together. And she looks like a bag of money THE ENTIRE TIME, just FLAWLESS. More of her please.

🔺6. Top (7)

♪ I’m a villain, no matter how much I love you, I must die eventually ♪

So he totally planted that guy at the silent disco right? Seemed like a weird play to push Mew along. Because at 3 months, the game's probably gotten a bit boring, especially if Mew's not even giving him the occasional sniff at it to keep him on the hook. Top likes a challenge and he sorta likes Mew, but if Mew really did screw Ray, maybe he's not so interested anymore. To be clear: I absolutely do not think Top is jealous, more like the shine wears off Mew for him if Mew has succumbed before. I still don't trust a thing coming out of this man's mouth, but the way he worked Boston OUT in that car is worth at least a one-rank jump.

🔻7. Mew (2)

-Are you drunk and taking advantage of me? -Don’t you like it though?

Mew is this week's biggest loser, falling the furthest from last week as his shtick starts wearing thin. Mew's overplayed his hand a bit here: his testing of Top has gone on too long. He doesn't even dispute Top calling him his boyfriend even as he insists they're not dating yet. He was totally about to give it up after the party because I think he realised he had gone from a challenge to a bore, but he waited too late, Boston had a chance to get into everybody's head and now it's all fucked. When he finally sleeps with Top next week it's not a victory for him, it's a capitulation. Also, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WITH HIM AND RAY I NEED TO KNOW LIKE RIGHT NOW I CAN'T WAIT A WHOLE WEEK!

🔻8. Cheum/April (6)

Guys, I think I’m gonna throw a pool party.

Poor Cheum, the only person to remember they are in fact trying to run a fucking business and actually working at the pool party rather than causing and/or engaging in drama, and April right by her side just helping her woman out because her so-called friends are a dumpster fire. As usual, the lesbians gotta be the ones getting shit done.

[amisalami03]

cave mommy headcanons :D [this is my first time doing this help]

i'm gonna flip the script a little with this one, I think shes way more chill BUT will troll at any time >:)

she walked past pickle and sprayed him for no reason which resulted in a mini brawl , it was swiftly ended when cave shawty picks pickle up and suplexes him, so in celebration she beats her chest then goes to sleep in a nearby tree

she's definitely omnivorous in my book but she will eat meat and acts like a leopard by hiding her game in trees and pissing on those who walk to close to her territory this isn't a piss-kink thing I swear she's literally feral and piss is her prehistoric version of pocket sand

ironically enough though she and pickle are mated but he can not stand her ass sometimes, but she literally doesn't gaf and will lay on top of him (because she can.) and pickle does not seem to mind his woman using him as a mattress he will growl lowly but eventually puts himself to sleep since her warmth, scent and breathing patterns make it impossible to keep him awake lol (also its a sense of familiarity and comfort of her being the only thing he left of the past, so he willingly tolerates it)

because of her retsu's hair has been let down to its full glory and she even gave him a beautiful restyle :3 (lots of stick and shiny rock so cool |:) <- cave mommymoji) pickle didnt like it and wanted to fight retsu but a swift kick upside his head thwarted that act of petty conflict

she has no clue whats going on but is happy to see such small little guys doing complex things

she fucking LOVES pinwheels and windchimes hell yes little trinkets for her pretty please, even pickle is entertained when she shoves a pinwheel in his hair and shows him her stolen hardware store collection of chimes and shiny glass lawn ornaments used to water flowers -> |:) [her proud face]

she scratches her head like a dog and prefers to stay quadraped, which threw the boys off when she finally decided to stand on her two legs

katsumi told retsu he saw her walking on two legs before everyone else did and retsu called him a liar stating that she simply hadn't "evolved" to do that yet, as soon as he was done saying that she walked right passed them with various lawn ornaments in her arms, farted and continued walking without breaking a stride. retsu was stunned and katsumi just put his hand on his shoulder to console him.

I like to think she has a fighting style similar to dogwatch man from one punch man, which makes her a very hard opponent to defeat since her speed and agility far surpass her bipedal descendants

baki used her as a shield until she force-fed him a handful of grubs and ever since then shes been wondering where he's been |:( his ass ran away from her for about a week

she found him eventually and frantically fussed over him while holding him in a tight embrace, she thought she lost her baby again

Please keep her away from vending machines and claw games, to her they are like giant see through crustaceans she can crack open and benefit from, her and pickle will leave a wake of litter and shards of glass to get whats inside

Loves fountains, they are like vertical waterfalls to her and she’s mesmerized by how the magic water goes up 24/7

She draws cave paintings and is very proud of her work

Absolutely blown away by crayons, completely opened pandoras box for her wait until she learns about paint and markers

Keep scented/colorful soaps and chemicals away from her…she will try to drink them and get sick…no she probably wont die, but she will shit and vomit alot, pickle didnt wanna take the risk to drink fabuloso after that

She has an underbite snaggle tooth that sticks out

This is all I can come up with

This is all I can give you…for now

[minkkumaz]

I'M JUST YOUR PROBLEM

after blowing you off, you never thought that things between you and kyungmin would be the same. and it didn't, he was your enemy. when finally getting the chance to confront him about all the shit he's done, why does it make you want want to try making up with him?

DISTANT LANDS AND OTHER ADVENTURES series

PAIRING cho kyungmin x fem!reader WC 2.6k TAGS enemies to lovers trope. forced proximity trope. school au. angst/fluff. cussing. kissing. making up. bsf minho. like one kys joke. OMI NOTE marceline songs hit like ten times different so writing this literally had me pumped. i've never done forced proximity before but it's extremely fitting.

cho kyungmin was quite literally the spawn of satan, your sworn enemy til the day you’d die. the face that you fell for ended up being the face that also left you stranded like an idiot. when you couldn’t cry anymore and your eyes felt puffy and numb, you turned to hate.

classes the following week became even more difficult to believe, as you felt small in comparison to his lingering presence. there was a possibility that maybe he forgot about the first date he planned, things happen and that was something you were okay with.

but you weren’t expecting him to act like nothing happened, act like he didn’t spend countless nights laughing over the phone like he was yours. you felt like a mere ghost, parading through his life like a fucking play toy. because from your perspective, you were just his problem.

“i’m going to bury you in the ground, kyungmin.” you sobbed, anger seething through your teeth.

the expression on his face was blank, though you almost swore he let down his guard for a second seeing you hold back hot tears. but you didn’t want pity, you wanted closure. a reason why the idea of your existence dropped from his earth.

no understanding, no communication, not a single dust particle of love behind his dark eyes. that day marked a countdown of hating him and everything that involved him. an ill circumstance that landed him in the most broken spots of your heart.

he understood your feelings in a way that he felt the need to reflect them. so what was once a one - sided hatred became a mutually agreed upon alliance against one another. if anything, this made you more upset. what did you do to end up on his black - list?

day eighty - five of loathing cho kyungmin, and school became insufferable around him. the recent weather forecast had been wearisome, leaving you wanting nothing more than to kick back at home and sleep for the remainder of your life.

the court yard was always busiest during lunch hours, yet the rustle and bustle of school life kept you awake. students scattered about in their cliques, chatting about recent homework assignments or bothersome teachers. you poked at your food with your chopsticks since you didn’t have much of an appetite.

“are you okay, y/n? you’re not eating any of your food and i swear i heard your stomach grumbling during the quiz.” minho asked, stealing a piece of kimchi off your plate and dropping it in his mouth.

“not really, i don’t know. i’m just a little frustrated with everything right now.” you groan in response, setting down your utensil to bury your face in your hands.

“let me guess, does this have something to do with him?” he raises one of his eyebrows as you nod in annoyance.

“dude, i overheard haemin complaining that his only friend,” you air quoted, “was being transferred into my p.e. period. and we both know exactly who he was talking about.”

“that’s rough, have you talked to jaeyun about it? since he’s one of the sports captains, he could probably tell you for sure if that’s what you’re worried about.” he suggests.

“haemin and kyungmin are practically inseparable. even when i liked kyungmin, he was honestly kind of hesitant talking to me without him around. so i know for a fact i’m going to see his stupid face tomorrow.” you ramble, letting out a defeated exhale.

“listen, you’ll be perfectly fine. don’t let him work you up like that, he doesn’t deserve the satisfaction, okay?” he advised you, patting your shoulder for comfort.

“minho, he shouldn’t even need satisfaction in the first place! kyungmin left me at a park. in the rain.” you emphasize the last bit, “i’m the only one that deserves to hate him.”

“i know, and it sucks. but i’ve heard this story like a million times, y/n. we need to get you some kind of therapy sessions if you’re going to keep at it like this.”

“literally choke.”

“kidding! i’m kidding. don’t do that to me please and thank you.” he laughed lightly, “but seriously, you’ll be okay. you always are. plus i’m just a phone call away if you need me to curse him over the phone or something, i don’t know.”

“you do too much for me minho. don’t worry, i know you just want to help me, thank you. i’ll try to figure it out i guess.” you exaggerate a sigh, making minho lean over to give you a friendly hug.

“now, eat your food before i feed the scraps to the birds on our way to next period.” he threatens, pointing a chopstick at your forehead.

after letting out all of your problems like word vomit, you were finally able to swallow down some of your meal. minho, your respective best friend had heard almost all of your hell stories about wanting to rip off kyungmin’s head. it was almost like he experienced the whole thing with you; or maybe the idea of him drenched down in a casual dress was a funny thing to imagine.

lunch passed by quickly, as did the rest of the school day. you took notes, turned in assignments, complained minho’s ear off once more, and suddenly the final bell rang meaning you could finally return home. in between all of this, you somehow forgot about the boy in your aching heart.

your steps pattered against the pavement when a feeling of dread washed over you. why did it feel like your world was going to shatter at school tomorrow? fallen leaves crushed underneath your shoes, resembling how scattered your mind felt.

day eighty - six of loathing kyungmin and every bone in your body felt like it was going to give out and abandon you as a pile of fleshy mush. you and your classmates gathered in the field wearing your p.e. uniforms, waiting for your coach to come out with the proper equipment.

kyungmin was only a couple people away from you and it already gave you an incomprehensible headache. just feeling his presence near you sent shivers down your spine, and you knew he could care less about whether you were there or not.

was it immature to still be hung up on what happened between the two of you even after almost three months?

you couldn’t stomach your stress right now, attempting to take deep breaths to soothe yourself. the cold air helped slightly; you became thankful for the dreary weather and couple raindrops that fell from the sky.

“alright everyone, it seems to be sprinkling a bit, but we’ll pass around the football for now. let’s just hope the rain doesn’t get too intense.” your coach explains, “pair up with the person next to you and come grab a ball.”

“i can go get the ball.” you offer  the girl next to you before walking over to the net full of footballs.

reaching your hand into the bag, you press a finger into each one, making sure you grab one that isn’t too flat nor too full of air. you’re searching for a couple seconds, before another hand bumps into yours.

“oh, i’m sorry–” looking up to apologize, you find yourself face to face with kyungmin. you take back your hand quickly.

“don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault your hand was in the way.” he smiles almost mockingly.

“whatever.” you mumble, pulling away to let him grab what he needs first although there were two bags.

while you wait, more droplets of water pattered against your skin, becoming slightly more frequent. you look over to your coach talking to another teacher, darting his gaze up from the sky and to his co - worker. he blows his whistle suddenly, as everyone looks over in his direction.

“seems like the rain is just going to get worse from here.” he announces before pointing at you and kyungmin, “both of you go put the equipment away, the rest of us will head back into the gym and run some laps around the courts for the rest of the period.

there was a chorus of disappointed murmurs from your classmates, before they all dropped the footballs they were able to grab. this left you and kyungmin alone, making your anxiety sky - rocket. against your will, you grab one of the bags and start towards the shed.

the sound of shoes against squishy grass tell you that kyungmin is following closely behind. you speed up with half of your intentions to get away from him and the other half to escape from the drowning rain.

once you get under the awning of the equipment shed, you slide open the already half - open door to let yourself in. there’s an assortment of different sports balls and rackets, all somewhat organized. kyungmin closes the door behind the both of you unknowingly while you find a spot to put away the footballs.

dropping down the bag in silence, you leave him to do the same and head out. when you twisted the door knob, it felt almost jammed. turning it harder and harder, it was deemed useless, making you panic.

“hello? hello!” you fidget with the door, practically throwing yourself against it in hopes it will magically open.

“did we get locked inside?” the boy behind you questions, making you turn around in disbelief.

“no actually, i’m just communicating with god on the other side. yes it’s locked!” you argued, “why did you close it behind you?”

“i didn’t know it wasn’t supposed to be closed!” he defended himself.

“oh my gosh i think i’m going to fucking faint if i have to be here with you for who knows how long.” you start pacing around the shed.

“i’m right here, you know.”

“do you want me to treat you like a princess or something? is that what you want me to do?” you tell him, “we’re not exactly on good terms you know.”

“you don’t have to freak out about it, someone will come find us eventually.” he shrugs.

“please tell me this is a nightmare.” you mutter under your breath.

“it’s pretty real, i don’t know.” he says, sitting down on the floor.

“oh my god i’m not asking you, kyungmin.”

“this isn’t fun for me either, you know. you don’t have to pretend like you’re the only one in distress here.” he mumbles.

“am i that much of an inconvenience to you? last time i checked there’s no reason for you to be mad at me.” you scoff, taking your own seat on the floor.

“i never said you were an inconvenience to me, i just don’t really want to be trapped in a sweaty equipment shed with the smell of leather like.. everywhere.” he explains casually, picking up a tennis ball.

you curl your knees into your body, leaning your head back against the wall, “yeah, right.”

“do i really stress you out that much?” he asks you out of nowhere.

“yes.” you respond blatantly.

“why?”

“i shouldn’t have to justify what i do. i have nothing to prove, kyungmin. you just do.” you claimed, “and i haven’t even got a proper explanation or apology yet.”

tension became thick in the air, palpable enough to be cut with even the dullest knife. being in the same room with someone you swore was your most hated person made your face heat up. yet you still wrapped your arms around yourself in an attempt to feel less cold.

the sound of a tennis ball being thrown against the wall and bouncing back filled your ears, though you weren’t in a circumstance to complain. anything was better than sitting in silence for who knows how long. 

minutes went by with no sign of a teacher coming to break the two of you free. it wouldn’t be long before the bell rang for the next period, leaving you feeling hopeless. the rain only seemed to get heavier outside.

being forced in proximity with kyungmin made you less angry in a way. every second that ticked by messed with your head, inching to get come kind of answer out of him. though in a way, it made you miss him more. he’d never leave class without you by his side, getting you juices from the vending machine, holding your hand tightly when you were nervous for a test.

“you’re kind of unbelievable, you know.” you spoke.

“what is that supposed to mean?” he glanced over to you curiously.

“that night. you said you’d take me on a walk through the park after we stopped to get food. but you never showed up to the restaurant, so i assumed you’d be waiting for me there.” you told him, feeling tinges of sadness rather than hate, “i waited on a bench for an hour before it started pouring. you never showed up.”

“you waited in the rain..?” he stammered slightly.

“i shouldn’t have to be the one that makes up with you.” you whisper, “but why do i want to?”

“y/n..” your name falls from his lips like honey.

he scoots himself closer to you until your shoulders are barely touching, his sudden appearance making you flinch. you were still tense next to him as he started to speak.

“i’m so sorry for being so mean to you. for ignoring you, pretending like nothing happened between us when everything happened.” he apologized, “you don’t have anything to apologize for. my mind was so crowded that night. i wasn’t sure if i was ready to love someone like you.”

“then why didn’t you tell me anything, kyungmin? you hurt me.” you began to tear up.

“i didn't know how.. can you tell i’ve never done this before? confronting my feelings while trying to convince myself that you wouldn't break things off with me if i wasn't ready. but listening to my head didn't get us anywhere either.” he confessed, “i was really intimidated when you came up to me the day after, and i wasn’t sure what to do. so i did nothing. it’s a terrible excuse, really.

“you fucked up. i absolutely hated you for standing me up like that..”

“you had every right to hate me. so i don’t know why i thought it was a good idea to hate you back. now that i’m looking back, it was immature. i missed so much time with you because i didn’t have a taste of what it was like for someone like you to love me back.”

“kyungmin, i don’t know what to say i–”

“let me fix this, please?” he moves your head by your chin, turning you to face him directly.

“you can try..” you murmured, watching his stare fixate from your eyes to your lips.

closing the gap, he enveloped you in a kiss that almost felt criminal considering every feeling you’ve had for him in the past three months has been hate. but he was trying. you’d never forget the pain he caused you, but part of you could forgive him.

it was soft, and he held you oh so gently against his lips. his hand trailed around your waist, pulling you closer into him. could this be the beginning of something different between you and him? as he pulled away, he couldn’t help but show a sad smile on his face.

“y/n, can i take you out on a proper date this time..?”

“i’ll see if minho lets me first after all the shit i talked to him about you.” you laugh, looking at his pretty pink tinted face.

“okay, that makes sense, i kind of deserved it. if it makes you feel any better, i’ll pick you up so you don’t have to worry!” he suggests.

“what if i stand you up by not being at my house, hm?”

“then i’ll wait on your porch in the rain for you until you show up.”

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[idontplaytrack]

Live and die this way?

Capri Donahue x fem! reader

Warnings: coarse language, angst, mentions of poverty, reader has a bad home life, Capri & reader fight

Capri’s got your back, she’s protective of you. But nothing can block out the sound of other people’s opinions. Though it was the consequence of your decision after all…

“What the fuck’s been going on with you?”

“What the fuck’s been going on with me? Trust me, Capri. You don’t wanna know.”

“Okay, well— I don’t want to be snapped at for every little thing. For asking how your day was, what you wanna do this weekend, what you want to have for dinner tonight.” Capri scoffs.

“Fuck.” You cursed.

“Fuck’d be right. I don’t know what has gotten into you, it’s like you have gotten my attitude all of a sudden these few weeks.” She spat, words harsh and laced with anger.

“I’m going home.” You hastily picked your backpack up from where you’d tossed it and slung it over your shoulder.

“Fine, leave. That’s all you’ve been doing these days, avoiding stuff.”

You stopped moving, heart sinking to your stomach as tears pricked at your eyes. You took a deep breath and left anyway, she didn’t stop you.

PDA was fine, so great. People knew you belonged to her and you were now basically untouchable. But as good as that was, that to you, also meant that shit was serious. So, you got scared. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell her that while she lived in a literal mansion with her family, you lived in an apartment with yours. A two-bedroom that barely fit the five of you. Tensions were always high, your parents were always yelling at you for things that were your younger siblings’ mistakes. Sometimes, for nothing at all. You hated spending time at home. You absolutely could not get one moment of peace at home.

So, you took a detour and went to a bodega, debating between a drink for your thirst or a snack. You chose the latter, paid for it and continued your walk to the park where you stayed for the next two hours, doing your homework. Then, it was time for a change of scenery. You went to the library and soon found an open table. Setting your things down, you looked through shelf after shelf, picking out a few books to read so you could pass time till the place closed for the day.

“Have you eaten anything yet today?” You heard a familiar voice ask you quietly. You looked up from the book, meeting the librarian’s gaze. “At school.” You nodded.

“We just restocked the pantry. Help yourself to something if you’d like. And before you go home.”

“Thanks, Margaret.” You nod. She flashes you a kind smile before leaving you alone again.

Eyeing your phone on the short stack of books, you were tempted to grab it and see if Capri had texted you— you’d turned on Do Not Disturb on your phone when you left her house. But, her calls were set to still come in if she did call you. And your phone didn’t ring, so you knew for a fact that she didn’t call you.

At the end of the day, no matter how bad shit got, you still just wanted someone there to love you. But you’ve fucked things up over and over again with Capri lately, it was a wonder she didn’t get mad immediately. You knew it wouldn’t be easy to get things back to how they were with her. This was your fault. You’ve built a wall around your heart over the years, going through things where you could not share for fear of being judged or misunderstood. You were poor— your family struggled to pay bills, your Dad lived like beer bottles were his best friend while your Mom could not muster up the courage to leave.

Halfway through a book, you got up to use the restroom, passing by the pantry on your way. While walking back to your table, you stopped outside the pantry and peeled inside, deciding to step inside to take a look. You grabbed a mini bag of Goldfish crackers and a water before settling back down at your table. Margaret saw you, nodded and smiled— relieved that you had gotten yourself a bite to eat.

————

“We’re closing up, dearie.” You felt a tap on your shoulder and your eyes snap open.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“Don’t worry about it, y/n. It’s not much, but we got you something for dinner at least.” She assured, “Here. Have a safe trip home.”

You quickly packed up and grabbed the brown paper bag from her, “Thank you, Margaret. Good night.”

“Of course, honey. You too.”

You left, stepping out into the chilly fall night. The cold air pierced your skin as your finger tips cling onto the hem of your sweatshirt. The paper bag was held between your fingertips as you walked home. But, it wasn’t long before your curiosity took over and you peeked into the bag. Unwrapping the hot dog, you took a bite. Right then, you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket. And buzzing. And buzzing. It was a call.

You saw who it was from, you just didn’t feel like you should pick up her call. Tossing the wrapper and paper bag in the trash, you focus was now fully on your phone screen. She was texting you. Repeatedly. Still, you ignored it in an attempt to empty your racing mind. Until…you couldn’t. Capri pulls up, right next to you. You froze, paralysed with fear when you heard her calling your name.

“Get in.”

“No.”

“Get in the car, y/n. I’m not kidding— it’s not safe.”

Your apartment building was right ahead, but Capri was right beside you. Was she telling the truth? How did she know?

“Baby, get in the car.” Capri repeated herself, “Please. Get in. I want you to be safe.”

You bit the bullet and heeded her advice. Or warning. Whichever it was, you were now in the girl’s car. “How’d you find me?”

“Why is this what you’re worried about?” She asks quietly.

“How’d you find me, Capri?” You insisted.

“No one’s seen you all afternoon. I got worried and asked around. Darby told me—”

You sniffled. “I’m not— I’m good enough for you, come on. We come from different worlds, Capri.”

She kept quiet, but she thought that was a load of bull. She simply loved you, she didn't care how different you were from her. That was actually what she fell in love with— she was extroverted, life of the party. But you, were an introvert, always confident in your own little world. You didn't know everything about her like the rest of the school did...Capri found you mysterious.

"You didn't have to come look for me you know. My life's just...like that. Always have, and always will."

"It doesn't have to be." She says while shutting the front door. "Sit down, let's talk."

You sigh, chewing on your lower lips and picking at your nails nervously. "Sit down." She says with a hand on your shoulder. You finally obliged. "I don't want you to carry everything yourself. Please, talk to me, sweetheart."

Silence fell between you and Capri, the air was heavy and tense. You were still stuck on whether or not to tell her. You swallowed harshly, fiddling with your thumbs as you stared at your feet, "There's no point. I still have to go home, face my Dad who drinks like his life depends on it, my Mom calling me all sorts of shit and accusing me for not doing the chores, protecting my sisters from them."

"You can stay here."

"Oh, and leave my sisters alone? Do my parents need more things to get mad at me about?" You huffed, "It was already selfish of me to turn away and get in your car." "Baby, it's not selfish to put yourself first. You've done a lot for your family. More than enough, it's not solely your responsibility." "You're just saying that." You sniffed, exhaling shakily.

“y/n, listen to me. You need to take care of yourself.”

“Well, I’m trying!” You replied through gritted teeth. “You love me and that scares me, I have never known love to be what you give me. For as long I can remember, love meant doing chores before being asked to, mediating my sisters’ fights and squabbles, obeying my parents even though I know in my heart that what they’re saying to me, calling me, is wrong and hurtful and it sucks but I had to do everything so that there was peace in the house, peace for me, so that I didn’t have to get screamed at. I don’t know what to do with myself when it turns out that love was calm, and sweet and it makes me happy. But I just feel like it shouldn’t be this way, I don’t deserve it. So I’ve been pushing you away but you just keep getting closer and closer and I just— I feel like I have to run away.”

You feel Capri put her hand on your shoulder again, you fought the urge to shrug it off. “I’m so sorry, Capri. You shouldn’t have to deal with me being so mean to you, you are the last person I should be lashing out at.”

“y/n, I know you are sorry but you don’t need to be, because I get it. It’s not fair, life isn’t fair but I am so glad you don’t have to shoulder it alone. I’m so glad you trust me enough to let out your feelings like that with me. I am not going to let you live and die this way. You deserve to live your best life, getting to enjoy your life, unafraid.”

You choked on a sob and repeatedly apologised to her despite what she said. “Can I hug you?” She asks, voice cracking. Instantly, you turned around and wrapped your arms around her before she could even process what you just did. But instinctively, you feel her rubbing your back while your tears seeped into her shirt. “It’s okay, you’re alright. I promise. I’ll do everything I can to make sure no one hurts you anymore.” She whispers, “I got you, baby.”

“Thank you.” You cried, “I— I’m sorry, I need some time to just calm down and stop— stop crying.”

“I can leave the room for a bit if you want me to.”

“Is it okay if I take a shower?” You asked, barely coherent.

“Of course.” She held out a hand for you to grab and pulled you up when you held on.

————

“Wait, wait. One second. I bought a body wash for you because the fragrance in mine made your skin itch when you used it.” She held onto your wrist. Capri opens up a cabinet behind the sink mirror and handed a bottle of Method body wash to you. “Had dinner yet, sweetheart?”

“I had a hot dog.”

“Do you want anything else?”

“I’m not hungry, Capri. It’s okay.”

“Bloated?” She asks knowingly.

“I’ll make you some tea, hm?”

You smiled lightly, taking the bottle along with clothes and towel before shutting the door behind yourself, “Alright.”

She leaves as soon as the door closes— you hear the footsteps departing. You start to take some deep breaths to regulate your breathing, empty and calm your mind. Turning the tap on, you feel the water start to hit your bare back. It relaxes you gradually, allowing your eyes to shut. Once your body felt okay, you started to actually shower. When you were done, you got dressed and went back out back into Capri’s bedroom. A mug of tea was waiting for you on the nightstand. You sat down, and right at that moment, Capri walked in.

“I know you said you didn’t want to eat anything, but I still brought some cookies up here if you wanted them later.” She sat right by you, “Do you feel better?”

Silently, you gave her a nod then put your legs under her duvet to keep warm. Capri strokes your cheek with her thumb, “That’s good.” Next, you took the mug and took slow sips of the beverage, just staring into space as you drank. Enjoying the silence, the peace…Capri’s company. You looked at her, then you simply couldn’t look away. You thought she looked so beautiful and your heart just skipped a beat. Smiling to yourself, she caught you looking. Capri chuckles, “Hi, you.”

You blushed, quickly looking away.

Her hand finds your thigh, caressing your skin tenderly. “Do you wanna watch TV?”

“Mm, no.” You told her, “Kinda just…wanna finish this drink and get some sleep.”

“That’s alright. Of course.” She said back, “Also, if anyone dares to say anything to you at school or anywhere…let me know and I’ll give them a piece of my mind. No one talks shit about my love and gets away with it. They need to know that they’re messing with the wrong person and be put in their place because our business isn't their business. It’s our relationship.”

“Maybe we dial back on the PDA a little?”

“That too, sure. As long as you feel comfortable, that’s all that matters. Because no matter what, you…are my girl. If you know it, and I know it. Who else needs to know? Not their business anyway.” She scooted closer to you, winding a careful arm around you.

“I really appreciate all of this, Capri. And you. Thank you.”

“You’ve said that enough, baby. I hear you, I know you are grateful. You don’t have to keep saying it. I’m just doing what I should do as a partner to help you. Keep you safe. So that we get to keep sharing our lives together.”

After a bit, you both got ready for bed and got under the covers. You habitually slept near the edge but quickly feel Capri pull you away from there and closer to herself. “Good night, my love.” She says, pressing a kiss to your shoulder blade, “Sleep tight.”

“Good night, Capri.” You replied, “I love you.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

[fumikosushi]

I'm.. kinda tired of being punished by people for not being interactive when I'm possibly dying like.. I have no energy for anything. I want to talk, I want to write with my friends, I want to game, but God like.. am I not allowed to take care of myself without being punished?

I would love to be able to give all my friends all the attention they want and deserve but like what about me? When do I get to take care of myself? Why am I always punished when people know I can't even afford food like - of course I'm not going to have energy to do anything.

How can I have energy to do anything when I eat once a day if I'm LUCKY, if I have all these disabilities that are already sapping all my energy and ability to function, if my health is literally being neglected by the people that are supposed to be taking care of me? Not to mention this year my mom died, my idol died, and my cat died. I have not had a single SECOND to be allowed to grieve or care for myself.

People always tell me to take my time and tell me to take care of myself but if I do, they lash out at me or get upset with me or take my lack of interaction personally. And then when I get fed up with being treated less than human people get fucking mad at me for it.

I'm only one fucking person and I'm tired of teetering towards suicide just to get fucking relief from everything. I don't want to want to die, but what the fuck else do I do when I've lived as an animal in a cage my whole life and no one wants to cut me any fucking slack? I'm tired of being nice to people. I'm tired of being understanding, of being loyal, of being giving of everything I have just for people to act like I ruined their whole fucking life because I didn't talk to them for a few days or a week when they could have messaged me first themselves if they wanted to talk so fucking bad.

It's almost like friendship is a two way fucking street and communication shouldn't be one-sided and yet, I'm always expected to be the initiator to people that give me one word fucking responses. It's almost like I don't like feeling like I'm talking to a wall so I stop talking too.

Why is everyone else allowed to have excuses to mistreat me but I can't even have a moments peace after my mother fucking dies? Not to mention only two people have ever tried to console me over my mom's death. Same two people are the only one's trying to console me over having to put my cat down.

I'm tired of being made the villain to people who don't give me the time of fucking day but expect me to revolve my entire world around them. It's why I don't try to make friends anymore. I'm fucking exhausted with people nowadays and it's why I've even had a hard time streaming because God I am so tired of people at this point. I don't want to be kind anymore. I don't want to care. I don't want to give a shit anymore. I'm so tired.

[fantomette22]

2, 4, and 13 for Maria!!

3 for Gehrman!

1 for your smol KH boy, the mini Gehrman…BRAIN! I remembered!

Ask game from here

2. A canon or headcanon hill I will die on

Euh oh boy hmm I guess I have severals ones but I will say the fact that she really respected and had huge admiration for Gehrman. I really wanna know what happened in their goddamn life to have such a strong bond (whatever the interprets just platonically have a strong connection at least).

And I will add that I headcanon she could really do blood pyromancy for real if she really wanted to or loose control. And that's why she almost never did from her living, it terrifyed her.

4. Favorite line

Well she basically have 3 sentences of dialogue 💀 so if cut content don't count I guess so all of them? Maybe the first one.

13. Dumbest thing they’ve ever done

AH interesting! Well if the more dramatic dumb things don't count (like idk getting into fight with your family of running away!) she did a couple of very dumb things when she was younger for sure 😂 Hm I guess trying to cook something for the first times and failing. Oh Maria it's not gonna boil & get cook if you don't put it on the fire XD

Also I supposed tons of lil jokes to her family & cousins. Oh I could tell you the time she had enough of freaking raw meat and said she didn't want to eat some anymore. Oh boy... (that's your fault for the inspo) but they give her a whole ass salad 💀 with all the leaf maybe not wash. And all. And afterwards whole ass vegetables like carrot who weren't cut or peeled! She last 1-2 weeks before apologising XD

Oh and of course my fav dumb & dangerous Byrgenwerth shenanigans! (it's not just her but the entire students squad, who are like around 20y) : Hey, what if we decided to go in a restricted and forbidden area that was surprisingly open during prom night to discover dark secrets about the college! No one will know, or we'll play dumb to not get into trouble! I'm sure nothing will go wrong and we will not almost die because a werewolf show up! :)

A miracle some of them managed to live 15 more years 😑😭

3. Obscure headcanon  for Gehrman

Hmmmm... ok I got it thanks XD Well while hc about him being neurodivergent aren't unique, me projecting all my knowledge in geology into him is XD I imagined even with his very modest childhood he liked reading books, to discover and learn things about nature and the world around him.

Seeing a lil meteorite crash in the field and recovering it changed him as well! So yes besides being a strong fighter with good survival skills, having the ability to make weapons, know the materials' characteristics etc I like to imagine he did learn more on geology, geography, cartography, how to built mines and underground tunnels, and a bit of astronomy as well! Always useful on the field! He can easily recognize the 3 different irons ore as well! Everyone is confuse but it feel very easy to him to differentiate hematite from magnetite from siderite x)

1. Canon I outright reject for Brain. (we literally have another character/hero who literally have a red scarf lmao. This one is a goth with a fedora who really like data and informatics and screw up fate xD )

Euhhhhhh. Well it's still not sure if it's canon and you'll probably don't understand shit but anyway spoiler

I refuse to believe Luxu just stole Brain's body and yet his heart & soul idk where and basically kills him. I wanna believe maybe it wasn't Luxu but Brain after a time skip? Or maybe he did took Brain's body but still send his heart/souls in Scala? And so he got a new body/his body back?? Idk this game & series is making me crazy.

Like I am still so confuse. 3 YEARS AFTERWARDS huzdabdbkefz

[feverista-11]

first date with caitlyn (piltover!reader)

i adore her sm jwjsjsjwjws

this song reminds me of her so much you don’t even understand

to say that caitlyn was nervous as hell to ask you out would be an understatement

a huge understatement

she was in and out of herself for weeks before it actually

cared enough to ask ALL of your friends for your 3 favorite flowers

usually sneaked out of her posts just to see you take a walk in your breaks

you two do see each other regularly, she usually takes you on “hangouts” at the local cafe

literal dates disguised as casual hangouts within friends

back to the date tho

spent hours deciding how to please you with the setup

decided to take you to piltover’s finest restaurant

was determined in making it perfect for you

and so she did

the day before,she got off her shift early just to meet you as you ended your noon classes

“cait, it’s so rare seeing you here! you don’t usually come around” “oh, right, the weather’s just nice to talk a walk, isn’t it?” “sure it is… is something up? you seem, weird” “right! I just wanted to ask you a little question actually” “yeah, sure, what’s up?” “I was just wondering if uh… you’d like to have dinner with me, just us two.. tomorrow?” “you mean like a date?” “No I- yeah.. a date I guess, I mean if you wouldn’t want that it’s o-” “I’d love to go on a date with you cait, don’t worry” “really?! Well then! I’ll come pick you up tomorrow at… 7, does that sound alright?” “It’s perfect, I can’t wait to see how you’ll charm me, kiramman”

and as punctual as she can be, she’s at your doorstep at 6:59pm, ringing your doorbell

you hurriedly put on your heels as you opened the door

the look on her face was just hilarious

she was taken aback on how breathtaking you looked

but composed herself and smiled at you

taking your hand in hers, leading you to the car (with a chauffeur cause my love here is yet to learn how to drive😭)

when you got to the restaurant, she got out first and offered you her hand, while she got a very well hidden bouquet with what were your favorite flowers

“cait?! how’d you know???” “well, I did quite a lot of digging hehe” “this is beautiful… you sure got the charm, kiramman”

you walked up the steps with your hand in hers

then she led you to the beautiful private table she’d prepared for you two

you sat across from her, sharing ever so gentle strokes of the hand, or loving glances every now and then

she’d order your favorite wine beforehand, so it’d be cold by when you arrived

you both ate, conversed for about an hour about sweet nothings with few most casual brushes of her bare leg against yours

“and how have your classes been lately? have you gone by easily?” “actually yes, I hope I’ll be able to finish the year early to get working as soon as possible” “what would your job of interest be then?” “well I was thinking in becoming a lawyer like my mother, I mean, these 4 years of law school haven’t been all for nothing” “you know, i really find it fascinating how you’re so smart yet so charming all at once” “well, it’s not for no reason that I managed to get caitlyn kiramman oh so wrapped around my finger” “sure thing..”

her attempt at making you fold failing once again, as she was left a giddy, blushing mess

after a while of her goofing around with the asparagus that you didn’t eat, it was time to go home

you walked back to the car with your arm locked with hers while laughing about stupid anecdotes

as the driver took the turn for your house, you noticed a road block, well shit

caitlyn looked at you expectantly, almost saying the words with her eyes

“wanna come over?” “well there are not much options are they” you chuckled lightheartedly as the taller girl yawned lazily

when you arrived at the kiramman manor, you had quite a hard time shaking the now asleep caitlyn off your shoulder

she sneakily unlocked the door, but was met with a very worried cassandra and tobias

but once they figured the whole situation out, they were very pleased

you’d met them before, with your mom helping them on a few occasions

they absolutely adored you, to Caitlyn’s relief

the night was short lived, both of you falling asleep rather quickly

you slept on a pair of pajamas she’d lend you

and you shared a bed, quite far from each other yet still hearing each other’s breathing

you woke up to a sight to see

Caitlyn curled up with her head on your chest and her hand locked with yours

[kehannii]

So. A combination of reading final girl, this one TikTok comic, my love for marichat, and my apparent insomnia has lead to this:

Guardian au where that first day, Fu seeks a holder for the Black Cat Miraculous and, instead of a new holder for the Ladybug, a new guardian to train.

Chat Noir is the sole ‘savior of Paris’

He can’t purify akumas but instead absorbs them, which, according to Fu, will destroy the akuma’s corruption. No “bye bye little butterfly” more like “Die die bitchy moth”(the corruption isn’t fully distorted and has its effects bc the universe hates Adrien agreste)

Fu is strictly against awakening the Ladybug because he doesn’t want to risk loosing it bc he has trauma over loosing the butterfly and peacock already and he absolutely cannot loose Creation.

He’s fine with using the Black Cat because while the miraculous might be a tiny bit *cough cough* unstable, Creation can fix any of the damage done by Destruction and the two miraculous are a pair so if he looses the Cat, the Ladybug will lead him to it or something idk I haven’t thought that one through.

So anyways, after stoneheart and the akuma multiplying is over, Paris is in ruins. Not like big big ruins but like, casualty rates are really high, some people are still statues, and there’s a shit ton of property damage. It’s been days and the popo are still dragging bodies out of the rubble. Ppl are angry at chat noir bc of all the damage left behind and all that yada yada.

Adrien himself is all like oh shot naur I do not wanna do this anymore, oh and he’s like bruised all over from the many, many times he’s been slammed into hard things and fallen from his baton. He’s feeling guilty and in pain and is like, bro I only wanted to go do school not this shit.

He miles around and despairs for a while and after like a week of Paris dealing with the damage, Fu gains a brain cell and does some voodoo shit with the ladybug miraculous so that it doesn’t fully awaken, puts the earrings on and calls for the cure.

Everything goes back to normal; the dead are waking up in morgues, buildings are fixing themselves, injuries are going away, stone monsters are turning back into people, wveything is back to normal. Except, the cure, when it washes over Adrien does…nothing. It doesn’t heal him and cleanup his injuries, just makes him feel weird.

Adrien’s body is rejecting the Miraculous Cure, and that leads to issues but Adrien does not have his priorities straight so instead of going “oh no the magic bandaid isn’t helping me I’m going to get killed by one of these nasty bug thingies help guardian dude!” He’s just like “oh thank god Paris is a-okay I guess I don’t mind being a super hero if people stop dying” he has no self preservation because he’s a looser.

Anyways so that’s that. Chadrien absorbs akumas which makes him weird, fu presses the restart button on the Ladybug whenever Chadrien beats an akuma. Reset does not work for Adrien and leaves him in his bloody bruised state.

Adrien doesn’t really care that he’s not getting healed by the cure, he just patches himself up and for some reason people can’t really see the injuries even though he can feel them very very clearly so it doesn’t interfere with his modeling.

He doesn’t gaf until he starts like having emo symptoms from the corrupt butterflies that he’s eating (no I don’t know what the symltoms are yet probably like fucked up morality, violence, cat like tendencies, more carnivorous diet, sharp teeth… okay so I kind of know the symptoms) and plagg is like this shit is happening because the Ladybug isn’t awake and the two miraculous balance each other out and his magic is off kilter and he’s having side effects.

After a while of this and Adriens symptoms getting worse, and his body rejecting the cure even more, Adrien is fed up with Fu because “wdym you can’t wake up the Ladybug you’re literally using it every time to reset everything, the miraculous is already on the chess board, just use her!” And he’s pissed because Fu is chilling in some cozy apartment not lifting a finger or risking life and limb like he is to keep Paris safe and he gets to just woosh woosh make it all disappear from a safe distance when Adrien is in a state halfway to death since he got the his ring?

So he’s prissy about it and is always bugging Fu abt it but he’s an idiot as we’ve established and doesn’t mention the cure not working on him and instead of seeing it as a cry for help as in “oh no this is so much work I need a partner” and not what adorn actually means which is “oh for fucks sake I’m dying right now I need my partner” and Fu is like oh so you’re lonely right? (Which yes but that’s not the point???) and let’s him give out another miraculous so he has help fighting.

Adrien is so close to just cataclysming this old man it’s not even funny. He takes the miraculous and sure it helps and he’s not getting injured as much but he’s still eating akumas and that’s shitty especially when he’s puking black nasty shit now. Oh ya, as hawkmoth’s akumas get more dangerous, the akumas get more nasty and fuck with Adrien more than usual. And the more dangerous they are the more injured he gets.

One day after a particular rough akuma, Adrien is leaping through the city trying to get soemwhere quiet si he can maybe patch up the hole in his stomach(it’s not a big hole) and he’s excgahsred and he settles onto a particular balcony. He just lays there for a little, accidenoy knocks over a couple plants and just slouches against the wall and closes his eyes with a sigh and wishes he just stayed in that fucking house because he literally just wanted to go to school god damnit

Meanwhile… Marinette comes home from having this weird old guy fill her brain to the brim with new knowledge about magic jewels and powers and gods and guardians and the catman flying about and she wants nothing more than to climb into her bed and go to sleep. But then she hears somebody on her roof and is like wtf???

She grabs her weapon of choice (a paddle don’t ask) and climbs onto her balcony and then she sees the emo cat boy bleeding on her lawn chair.

She’s till tempted to whack him in the face but he’s bleeding and she’s training to be a Gaurdian apparently so it’s her job to like…patch him up right?

(Also the whole time she’s like, why is he still injured?? The cure should’ve healed him and is wondering if she should let Fu know abt this)

She gets him to stay and rushes back down to her room, grabs some fabric and like shoved onto his wound to stanch the bleeding all while muttering abt how expensive this fabric was dammit

And Adrien is just…starstruck… and confused. Like wtf is happening and how?? And as she’s like stopping the bleeding he’s just staring at her and like woah she’s really pretty(as she’s mourning her pretty fabric, scowls at him, and has his blood all over her hands and her shirt at this point) (Chadrien’s ring burns and his heart skips a beat but he’s a bit busy bleeding and ogling his classmate to notice)

At some point he’s like I have to…go? And she’s like bitch u have a whole in ur chest?? Where you gonna go with that?? And he’s like umm…magic?

She convinces him to stay for a sec, runs down, grabs pain killers, remembers that her parents keep a first aid kit down in the bakery, rushes down to grab the gauze, and by the time she makes it back up to the balcony she makes it back to the balcony her arms are filled with day old pastries, painkillers, a cat plushy and a pack of princess themed bandaids.

Chadrien refuses to question anything and takes all of it, says his good byes and thanks yous and leaps(limps) back home, barley managing to not fall on his face.

He feels light, lighter than he has since receiving his ring. He goes home and detransforms, plagg settles on his chest to work the corruption out of his wounds and Adrien contemplates the orange cat plushy on his pillow and thinks. He can’t help feeling like has changed, something big. He goes to sleep with smile tugging at his lips and sapphire eyes his mind.

Marinette stares after him long after he’s disappeared, deep in thought with a frown on her face. Eventually, she goes back down to her room and settles under the covers, a heavy feeling of foreboding twists itself into her chest.

The next morning, Master Fu is surprised to see her at his door before the rises, he wasn’t sure she’d ever comeback on her own accord. Nonetheless, he lets her in and makes them tea before answering all of her questions. If he notices that there are more inquiries than usual about the Miracle Cure, he does not show it.

So that’s that.

[gcldfanged]

Sorry I haven't been here, two of my aunts that I despise are visting and stressing me out (one of them literally tried turning me against my family when she SUED US for firing her shitty ass husband who stole from our business, she lost the court battle btw because she was full of shit), they both basically just abandoned their own father to die and suffer in early onset alzheimer's and dementia, so myself and my family were paying for all of his care and socializing with him on our own- i was working AND going to college at the same time. They both did NOTHING to help and even dodged his attempts to see them 'one last time' out of fear and selfishness.

One of them is just lazy and entitled and sedentary and doesn't take her diabetes seriously (she doesn't test or blood sugar or use insulin and eats like a pound of chocolate that she FORCED MY MOTHER TO BUY HER while we were gift shopping) and chain-smokes. She literally took like ten steps outside and claimed she couldn't continue to walk on the trail because of her diabetes, but was perfectly okay to like eat almost an entire apple pie during holiday dinner (in addition to like eating CONSTANTLY throughout the day) and drink six whole bags worth of my coffee in a single week. She also doesn't know how to do ANYTHING, she tried to open a mustard bottle with a KNIFE.

The other won't fucking shut UP and is loud, loves to pretend she's the center of attention and is 'so funny' while keeping her also loud ass phone notifications on so she can ignore us mid-sentence to talk with all her 'friends' and dementia-addled husband who refuses care.

One of my aunts won't leave because she's 'visiting all her old friends in Cali' while eating up all our food and forcing my mother to sleep on a couch, the other won't leave because she 'lost her confidence' after someone side-swiped her on the freeway here and doesn't think "she's ready" to fuck off back to Oregon yet.

I had an extreme manic rage episode and immediately had a come down where I became acutely suicidal, so I've been in emergency contact with my psychiatrist and am trying stronger meds to try and deal with this situation from hell.

I just don't have the spoons to write right now. I want to, I love you guys and I want to come back, but until this old bitches vacate my home, I'm in a constant state of elevated stress and annoyance. The only way 'down' from that is being slightly LESS stressed/annoyed/angry. Imagine feeling that way for like 2 weeks straight and getting no sleep on top of it and that's basically what I've been trying to deal with.

[stackslip]

funniest and saddest thing in akis arc is right after aki meets kishibe after returning from hokaido and kishibe is like man living with them has to be a handful WHICH IS COMPLETELY TRUE we just followed a whole chapter of denji and power being utterly insufferable. like the absolute worst most exhausting duo of feral kids who aki cannot leave unsupervised for 5 seconds before they start eating week-old funerary offerings because as chaotic as they are individually as a duo they literally become 5 year olds who chop off limbs for fun. and akis like reluctantly WELL yeah theyre awful but like, theyve done so much progress, power no longer flings veggies across the room and very occasionally once in a blue moon denji actually pays attention to what i say. its so fucking funny kishibe is like "man youre a saint theyre exhausting. i mean i like them but boy are they tiring." and instead of bitching about it and agreeing aki fucking DEFENDS them. like "they dont shit over the furniture anymore, thats big progress, im proud of them." the bar is so low but listen theyre doing their best.

:readmore:

and then its followed by the immediate gobsmacking bitchslap of aki asking kishibe if he can abandon his life-long dream by withdrawing the trio from the gun devil expedition. his sole goal in life for years, it is so close, and he knows he has so little time left at all, and he gives it all up there and then. right after his trip with power and denji, the one they bullied him to join in. right after having to scold them and rein them in for two days straight like toddlers. less than a month after being confronted with the possibility of a world where neither of them are alive, and realizing that he cannot bear that possibility. it doesnt matter that he would be able to die finally fulfilling his dream of destroying the gun devil, of avenging all his losses, of going in peace. the idea of denji and power dying there, or being left with nothing when hes gone... its enough for him to give it all up. he's willing to spend whatever time is left seeing them fuck up his apartment and squabbling and just.... living, free of fear or danger. his sole goal now is to die with the certainty that they will both have a long and happy existence, that he'll have protected them and fulfilled his role as an older brother. he is fine with dying still! he has accepted it as long as theyre ok. he saw these two gremlins who were supposed to be everything he hated, he grudgingly himself take care of them bc he was asked to, grew used to them being in his life. and then he grew to love them, to love how much denji enjoyed his cooking, to love how power played with her cat, to enjoy their squabbling and appreciate the efforts they did make. these two feral strays with no manners grew to trust and rely on him, they started sharing the chores (with much complaining) and allowed themselves to be vulnerable with him, they clung to him when he wanted to leave for hokkaido. and aki fucking gives up on revenge! he gives up on fighting! he will not live for much longer, but he wont spend his remaining time on taking down the creature that has haunted his life. because he isnt alone now, he has a family hes grown to love and who loves him. he will spend these last few weeks teaching denji to cook himself, making sure power learns healthy eating habits. he will sit at the table and share meals with them and savour every last moment. its the only thing he wishes for anymore, he has nothing else, and yet he has more than he ever thought possible.

he finally allowed himself to love, to give up on revenge, to be at peace. its fuckjng gutwrenching that makima took that away from him, that he died not only as what he hated, but burdened with the knowledge that it was too late and that his family would suffer. he was willing to give everything over and over again, spent his last minutes begging for a way for power and denji to be happy. for power to live, for denji to not be burdened with grief and guilt. he never blamed denji when the future devil told him about how aki would die, he inherently knew that it would not be of the boys own volition and that it would wreck him. mere minutes left, spent begging for power and denjis lives. he didnt even get to realize or fight back, he didnt get to say goodbye. he died a mockery of himself, turned into an instrument of pain against his family. he died as a shambling corpse whose instincts guided him home, only to unknowingly destroy that home. he died because from the very start, makima *intended* him to love power and denji and take care of them, she was building this edifice so that the collapse would be that much more devastating. he died because makima understood the power and pain of real relationships and love, and it was all in the goal of punishing denji for being chosen by pochita. it was all because she never had it herself, and wanted it so badly, and aki and power were merely dolls for her to get what she thought she deserved. its so fucking cruel and evil and it is so fucking tragic for everyone involved including her.

but man akis arc is not "a lesson in the futility of revenge" or a punishment for his early singlemindedness. he did realize these things. he had them in his hands. he was going to succeed, he was protecting his family until the end. it's just that makimas control was so absolute, her chains so strong, he never had a chance anyway. none of them ever did!

[troglobite]

ksjfalskdj

literally just seeing the discord statuses of my friends change from offline to online or busy and then just disappear

immediately after every message i've sent in discord today

like i'm actually being ignored.

and if i did something wrong idfk what it is. and i thought i'd had like a million conversations abt why i need to be told if i did something wrong.

and i'm just.

like.

fucking WHY.

feeling bad yet again about loving and caring abt people and putting energy in and then ending up w people finding it annoying

they don't wanna respond to my happy goofy messages

or the cool things i send (at least, i think they're cool)

they don't wanna respond to me asking if they wanna hang out

they don't wanna respond to my scheduling or game questions for miss frizzle

they just wanna show up, receive a game for a few hours, and then disappear, and not have to think about or interact w me ever outside of that.

and bc i'm so fucking alone, my poor mom gets stuck having to deal with me.

i just wanna play this fucking game. but she's been getting up SO EARLY lately, and i DON'T.

so by the time we could play, she wants to eat dinner. and after dinner she immediately falls asleep.

and i don't want to bring up playing the game bc i just. feel. BAD. doing it.

it's complicated. it's hard. part of the reason i wanted to clear a day for it is bc i know the rules are gonna be hard for her and it's not her style of gameplay.

but she's the only person i can play it with.

i know she doesn't want to play. she just feels bad for me. and that's why i don't initiate in the like 20 mins of empty space.

and that's why SHE doesn't initiate in the 20 mins of empty space.

she expects me to. and she doesn't want to.

and why would i want to initiate something that someone else doesn't wanna do?

makes me wanna fucking die.

i'm doing REALLY great in case it's not clear. lol it's fine i have therapy tomorrow. someone who is paid to give a shit abt my empty pathetic life.

it's really sad that i both dread and look forward to it. the anxiety/dread is like. i don't wanna fuck up and waste the only productive and interesting 50 mins of the week that are All About Me, Without Shame or Equivocation.

wow what's it like to have a normal social life.