#like when i went to the doctors the nurse was like oh wow your legal name is [name]? thats so funny do you get mistaken for a girl a lot?

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #081

Where did you get your favorite pet from? I don't like picking "favorites," like I've loved every pet I've had, but I can admit I don't think I've had a bond with another pet like Teddy, the dog I had most of my life, really. I don't believe in soulmates, but especially the day I lied with him as I knew he was dying... that level of love and connection is something I can't explain, neither is the fucking pain I felt knowing he was leaving and I may never, ever see him again, in any realm of existence. That dog was my baby, my best friend. I miss him peeking up at me at the bedside asking to come up because he couldn't jump anymore, I miss him being fast asleep and just snoring so loud like an old man, haha... I just miss that dog, a lot. He was my most precious treasure. ... Oh wow I totally forgot to ACTUALLY answer the question til I re-read it, haha. We got Teddy from a family friend's friend; their dog had a massive litter and I think Lolita knew my parents were thinking of finally getting a dog, so she brought it up. Have you ever called animal control on anyone? No. When I was still a child, a horrible incident happened where my sobbing and screaming mom was very serious in threatening our neighbors she'd do it if their dogs (two big rottweilers, who I am NOT saying are evil breeds because "evil breeds" don't exist) got loose into our yard again, though. They somehow got out of their fenced yard and went on a total murdering spree of our cats, including young kittens... We had a massive outdoor cat problem, which is a VERY serious issue on many levels that I could write an essay on, but regardless, it was obviously a fucking heartbreaking thing for my family, especially us KIDS, to witness. I can still distinctly remember holding a dead gray kitten and crying afterwards. Is there anything written on the shirt you are wearing? No. What was the last movie you watched by yourself? Ummmm... that's a damn good question. Hell, I think it was The Shining literally 3-4 years ago. Do you think the drinking age in the US should be lowered to 18? No; there's already too much drunk driving and yeah sure it's very easy to access alcohol, but still, I like to think most people are law-abiding individuals and that lowering would AT LEAST increase drunk driving by a small degree, maybe even more than "small." It's not just driving too, you gotta think about how bad alcohol just is, especially for a developing brain. I just don't see any potential good of lowering the legal age.

What is your birthstone? It's amethyst. Do you know anyone fluent in a really uncommon language? Not that I'm aware of. What was the last thing to embarrass you? This is probably stupid and just my extreme aversion to feeling judged and stuff, but actually the other day while Girt's family was here I shared with Mom that a good family friend/former long-time neighbor found out the gender of her baby and announced the name, and my mom is pretty much ALWAYS into talking about babies, but she acted and talked like she was confused as to why I was telling her/why she should care, which made me feel REALLY stupid and uncomfortable and therefore embarrassed. I thought she'd be interested. Do you get along with your parents usually? Usually, yes. Do you have high blood pressure? I actually have alarmingly low blood pressure, like so low I scare the nurses and doctors I see when they take my vitals; like, sometimes they don't even know how I'm not wildly swaying around or just unconscious. Many times it literally doesn't even register on the machines. I DO get dizzy very, very easily, but I mean, I'm fine, as fine as I know. We know a part of it is my nightmare prevention med, because it's actually for lowering blood pressure, but not taking it is entirely out of the question. I had problems with low blood pressure below then, though, for reasons I'm not sure of. Have you ever pumped gas? I feel like I MIGHT have once with help, but I'm not certain. What’s the last thing that you drank? I have peach-flavored sparkling water right now. Are you affectionate? Very. Ever been on a hay ride? Yep, haunted hay rides during Halloweentime are a big thing 'round here. Do you have any appointments this month? I have SO many doctor appointments these days... I literally see the dentist later today, I see my psychiatrist and temporary therapy once or twice a month, I'm going to a regular physical checkup soon, and I want to say this Friday is when I see the neurologist to do this weird nerve test that involves poking me lightly with needles powered by like very weak electrical pulses or something like that in my legs. It sounds bad, but apparently it's only mildly uncomfortable. It's to see if my leg weakness is actually a nerve problem, which we all (including the neurologist) highly doubt, but we're trying everything we can. Do you like bras that have removable straps? I don't really have an opinion here since strapless bras just don't really work for someone my size; you really need the proper support if you don't want to be stared at and judged. I don't give a shit if other people with large breasts like those kinds of bras, but I'm personally not comfortable with the idea for myself. I care too much what people think. Be honest, who is the easiest person in your life to talk to? Probably Girt, but honestly Mazzy is like, right on his ass. Both I've told serious things to/had deep conversations with where they could have been so much more difficult if they actually wanted to. Tez is also an honorable mention for sure, I've just had less really serious convos with him. Would you say you’re an understanding person? I genuinely think I'm very understanding. Are you a loud person? I know I'm capable of yelling WAY too fucking loud if I'm upset enough, Mom has told me and my throat would agree, but that is something I work very hard to avoid; I can't remember the last time I yelled really loudly. This embarrasses me quite badly for some reason, but Mom also points out A LOT that when I'm excited and/or have something I'm feeling passionate about to tell her, I talk way too loudly; she knows it makes me mega self-conscious though because I don't notice it, so she at least points it out very lightly to me now. Say something about the first person you kissed this year? This mf has the most TERRIFYING Pepe the frog version of a Pikachu plush for no other reason than he thought it was hilarious and it is the most upsetting thing I've ever seen, lmao. Did you talk to your father today? No. Have you ever gotten bitten or your hair pulled while fooling around? The former yeah, but the latter hasn't happened and I don't want it to, I can pretty much guarantee I would hate that shit. Have you ever kissed someone with braces? No. Who do you make fun of the most? Girt, but in a totally non-serious and actually adoring kind of way. He knows I find his hatred for/susceptibility towards horror games/scary stuff just adorable, and I'll tease him over it, but again, not in a mean way at all. There are other things I'll poke fun at him for, but I don't feel like thinking of them rn. Has anyone you dated ever sang to you? Yeah. Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? I don't have any plans, no. I don't even know what's in theaters. Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with? Girt, so long as it's a good serious kind of convo. Do you like going to the dentist? I don't care, honestly. What do you think is the dumbest/tackiest piercing? I honestly really don't like cheek dimple dermal piercings. Who did you last eat at a sit-down restaurant with? I uh, actually am not sure. MAYBE when we went to a Mexican restaurant for someone's birthday? A bunch of people were there, basically my immediate family as well as Ashley's in-laws. Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? My sister's couch. Is the last person you kissed a virgin? No. Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? Girt. How many tattoos would you get? I am totally cool with being pretty much covered one day. I don't think I want any on my face, though. Are you in a “I wouldn’t mind if I lost 50 pounds” kind of mood? I would be fucking ecstatic if I lost 50 pounds, I don't have to "be in the mood" for it. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? I guess a little bit darker would be fine, but I'm actually fine with being pale, though I wish my skin was clearer so it'd be like, a porcelain look. What is the highlight of your year so far? Um... idk. Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? I don't think so, but it's not something I'd totally cross out as a possibility. Does your mom like the last person you kissed? Oh, she adores him. Always has. What’s the worst thing you’ve gone through in the past year? Being hospitalized for being suicidal. This hospital stay was the worst I've ever experienced, and I absolutely fucking REFUSE to ever go to the local psych hospital ever fucking again, they're shit. Describe how you feel right now in one word? Irritated. All my mom wants to do is fight today, and god fucking forbid I disagree with her. Who last put their arms around you? Girt. Person you used to have feelings for shows up at your house, you say: Well, I'm asking him how the hell he even knows where I live. We've moved twice since splitting from him. Ever been to the house of the opposite sex when no one was home? Yeah, that was very normal when Jason and I were together, especially on the days (which were most) where I'd ride home from school on the bus with him. We always got there before his parents got off work. Is there anyone that hates you right now? She clearly does, and the feeling is mutual. Is the last person you kissed mad at you? I don't see why he would be at all. Has your best friend ever seen you naked? Not completely, no. Do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex? That's not something he really does, unless it's relevant, which doesn't bother me. It only would if it was something he did a lot and clearly wasn't over them, which he definitely is. How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids? I never plan on having kids. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Uhhhh I'll go with probably, but I don't know that with certainty. [TW: ABUSE] Do you know anybody who was abused? I know multiple people who were, including family. Do you like to have long hair or short hair? SHORT, god chopping my hair off was one of the best choices I've ever made. What was the last thing you hid? I uh am not sure. Last time you cried? I teared up a tiny bit yesterday at the end of watching an LP of Resident Evil 8's DLC that just came out. That's the only RE installment that has ever made me cry; I still can't watch the main game's ending without crying some, ha ha. How many rings do you wear daily? One. Do you think a lot when you’re taking a shower? To be totally honest, I just focus on getting it done and being careful to not slip when I need to stand up or sit back down; I have to use a shower chair because of the extreme weakness in my legs. After I finally fell months ago, Mom got one. Showers STILL suck, even when mostly sitting, just because bending and twisting and trying to maintain my balance when doing so is still a challenge. Anyone’s birthday soon? Who? And how old are they turning? Uh, I actually don't think anyone I know has a birthday coming up 'til mine on February 5th. Then my youngest niece was born... two days after me, I think? Has anyone ever told you that you are a bad kisser? No. Do you like Frosties from Wendy’s? Yeah, but they're not my favorite because of just how stupid thick they are. I prefer milkshakes that I can actually drink through a straw, you need a spoon for those bad boys. Have you ever made a drunken mistake and paid big time for it? No. Who do you think you have cried over the most? JASON. Ever gone through an emo or goth phase? Yep; even though I can't afford/am too lazy for the wardrobe part, I'm for sure still goth in my heart, haha. Have you ever had feelings for someone who was seeing someone else? Yes. Where are your parents right now? Mom's in the shower, Dad is at work I'm sure. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Do you have a favorite flower? I really like orchids and then specifically pink tulips. What is the best gift someone can give you? Really, their time. We've got a very limited amount of that, so someone spending it on you is a very kind thing. Would you rather be stuck on a desert island with your ex or a python? Jesus, give me the snake ANY fuckin day, lmao. No living species of snake could eat a full-grown (nevermind fat) person, and I can guaranfuckintee that python would want nothing to do with me and thus avoid me. I'd only potentially be in any kind of trouble if I was pestering it. Pythons are literally big, docile puppies, I love them. Would you get a shamrock tattooed to your forehead for $5,000? No, honestly. The money's tempting, but... no, I have zero desire for a shamrock tattoo. What do you smell right now? It's strange actually, I've been smelling something like burnt popcorn for a while now. Idk if Mom made something, but I'm not a fan of the smell at all. Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? Uh I'm not sure, but probably Girt or maybe my mom?

[palanaeum]

Unexpected side effects of being stealth while not having changed my legal name yet: my coworker jokingly telling me she's gonna call me by my deadname because she doesn't realize I'm trans, she just thinks I go by a different name for cisgender reasons

[janetbrown711]

“Why are you shaking?” Yakko >:)

Yakko’s leg bounced up and down so quickly, it appeared to simply be vibrating. In truth, Yakko had to be forced to sit down, his pacing was driving the others in the hospital waiting room insane. 

Dot had begun her surgery about an hour ago, and they should’ve heard something by now... at least Yakko thought. In truth, he hadn’t asked how long it was supposed to take, and even if he had he didn’t have a watch for which to keep track. 

Either way, Yakko was anxious to hear if Dot was okay. A million things could happen during surgery, a million things his mind loved to jump around and explore while he waited. He tried his best to listen to the advice of his younger brother and Plotz (a sentence he never thought he’d ever form) and remind himself that this was necessary and Dot needed the surgery and that everything is going to be okay, but Yakko was Yakko and his anxiety continued.

His brother was right for calling him a ‘worry-wart’, but ‘worry-warting’ had kept them alive so far so he wasn’t exactly going to stop now.

After a while of that, however, Yakko just put his elbows on his legs to stop the shaking and just hoped for the best. All the pacing and shaking was tiring. Quickly after that though, none other than Doctor Scratchnsniff himself entered the waiting room, and Yakko and Wakko hugged each other nervously.

“Ze operation vas a complete success!” The doctor smiled and Yakko and Wakko practically jumped with joy as a wave of relief washed over them.

Finally, it was over.

“However... there is one thing we’d like to talk to you about, Yakko,” Hello Nurse said, appearing next to Scratchnsniff.

Well... at least, Dot’s sickness was over.  They still had a lot more loose ends to tie everywhere else. 

“But I wanna see Dot,” Wakko frowned and pulled on his brother’s arm. 

“You’ll get to later, she’s just in recovery for now. Surgery is quite the tiring process,” the nurse explained. Wakko huffed and pulled down his hat. 

“I’m gonna be boredddddddd,” Wakko groaned. 

“I’m sure you’ll find something to do in that head of yours,” Yakko teased, standing up. Wakko huffed, but didn’t say much outside of that, so Yakko took that as his brother’s permission and he went off with the nurse and doctor. 

“So... what’s this about? Is Dot okay?” Yakko asked once they were alone in a room. 

“No, Dot is doing vonderfully,” Scratchy shook his head. “Zis is about... something else.”

“Yakko, do you know why you came to Acme Falls?” Hello Nurse asked.

“Well, my mom told us- why are you asking?” Yakko raised an eyebrow. 

“Well, you see, your father actually grew up here, before he was a squire and moved away,” She said. “As such, Queen Angelina II and King William knew that you three would be safe here, in case anything happened to the two of them. We knew what to expect and more importantly, they knew we wouldn’t harm you or turn you in to King Salazar.”

Yakko paused a long moment. 

“You mean... you guys knew?” Yakko asked. 

“Vell... yah. Of course ve knew. Not everyone looks like your family, you know?” The doctor looked at him in a way that pointed out the stupidity of the question. Yakko facepalmed. 

“Right, yeah,” Yakko cringed. “So... why are you telling me this now?”

“Well, as I’m sure you’ve heard, the people of Warnerstock’s hatred of Salazar has only grown over the years, and rumors have spread about the Wishing Star and you three’s survival of the attack and now people are suggesting that you three inherit your parent's thrones, and well... we have proof,” The nurse explained, showing Yakko their birth certificates. 

Yakko’s eyes fell upon the familiar handwriting of his father, and he touched it carefully. 

“I-i... I don’t know what to say,” Yakko managed to get out. 

“It’s a lot to process, no?” The doctor said. Yakko nodded. 

“I-i just... I don’t know... I haven’t thought about actually returning to our old lives in... a really long time,” Yakko set down the certificates and scratched the back of his neck. 

“It’s one thousand percent up to you, we aren’t forcing you to do anything, we’re just... pointing something out, so to say,” Hello Nurse explained, feeling bad. 

“Yeah, I get that,” Yakko said. “Still it’s... wow. I mean... my dad really used to live here? Why didn’t anyone say anything?” he questioned.

“Well... I suppose there was never a right time. We did our best to make sure the three of you were well, but with everything going downhill so fast... well, there was only so much we could do,” She did her best to justify. Yakko slowly nodded. 

“Yeah, that makes sense,” He admitted. Looking back, he could see their acts of kindness and how they did try their best to have sympathy and help while the world went sour around them. The looking away when they borrowed food, the conveniently placed goods, the constant hiring of Wakko while they could. Acme Falls was good like that. 

“Well... I’ll need to talk to my sibs about this... and do some thinking... a lot of thinking,” Yakko said. 

“Of course, you shouldn’t rush a zing like zis, no?” The doctor agreed. Yakko bit his lip.

“So when will Dot be okay enough for guests?” Yakko asked. 

“Oh, not for a little while. Don’t worry, we’ll be sure to keep you two updated,” Hello Nurse said. “Should give you plenty of time to think.”

“Yippie,” Yakko laughed pathetically. The doctor and nurse gave him looks of sympathy. 

“You must be in your head often, no?” Scratchy asked. Yakko nodded. “Not fun.”

“Yeah, you said it,” Yakko said, standing up. 

“Well... I’ll give what you said a thought... this should be fun,” He nodded at them. 

“We’ll send for you if Dot wakes up while you’re gone,” The nurse suggested. Yakko nodded at that, and headed out of the room, pausing briefly outside of Dot’s room. 

“Please recover fast. I don’t know how much more of this thinking I can handle,” He thought, before walking back to the waiting room. 

“What’d they talk to you about?” asked Wakko. 

“Oh just... things,” Yakko couldn’t think of a lie fast enough. 

“What kind of things?” Wakko raised an eyebrow, painfully curious. 

“Legal things,” Yakko said, deciding the truth was boring enough. Wakko groaned.

“Everything is so boring now,” Wakko complained. “Why can’t everything be death defying and a mad chase for the Wishing Star?”

“There’s nothing boring about safety,” Yakko frowned, hoping his brother wasn’t already getting ideas. 

Then again, becoming prince again would be entertaining...

Yakko groaned as he felt a headache come on. 

“I’ll be back, I have a lot to think about,” Yakko said. 

“You’re gonna leave me again?” Wakko pouted. 

“Look, it’ll only be a minute. I’ll buy us some food, that sound good to you?” Yakko asked. Wakko nodded and handed Yakko his remaining ha’penny. 

“Just come back soon, Mr. Plotz is so boring... though now that he’s asleep...” Wakko looked at him, mischief gleaming in his eyes. Yakko snorted. 

“You do what makes you happy, just don’t pretend I was involved,” Yakko winked and left the hospital, happy to get out and get some fresh air. 

In truth, the day was still quite young. The Warners had gone to the hospital first thing in the morning, and after a quick, reassuring peptalk from Yakko, Dot’s nerves were soothed and she was taken into surgery. Now it was roughly two hours later, and the streets were full of people who were eager to spend the money that had been returned to them from the Baron, who kept his promise. Yakko couldn’t help but smile at the sight, reflecting on how it had only been two days ago the streets were barron and covered in snow, and the town lifeless and grey. 

It seemed Acme Falls was welcoming a bright, new future. 

A bright, new future they were probably all hoping was staring- well...

Him. 

His sibs. 

God, how their days of royalty felt like a million years ago. 

Yakko used to have plenty of happy memories of his parents dancing around in his head, but nowadays it seemed they were all tainted. Any time he remembered his mother singing and kissing him goodnight, he’d remember the last time he saw her, all bruised and bloodied. Any time he’d remember a funny story his father read to him, he’d recall his father telling him he’d never let anything bad happen to him or his sibs. 

He had made promises to his parents too: that he’d be able to protect them and keep them safe no matter what. 

Yakko sighed, as guilt weighed on his back as it so often did. He couldn’t help but wonder if there would ever be a day the guilt would go away. It wracked his mind for as long as he could remember, whether it was about not being able to save his mother, the orphanage closing, Dot’s health, Wakko going away, or how he had failed to protect them and almost lost both of them in one day.

Determined to not dwell, Yakko quickly began to make his way to the market in the town square and filled up his bag with fruits and veggitables, as well as a loaf of bread and couldn’t help but smile as he payed for it with the ha’penny. 

That was one benefit if they decided to inherit the throne: him and his siblings would never have to be hungry again. They’d have a nice, warm home and never want for anything ever again. 

But at the same time, Acme Falls had become a home to them. They knew most everyone around town, and it would feel strange not to see them. These people had done so much for them over the years, it wouldn’t feel right to leave them. 

Yakko thanked the grocer, and decided to stop by their home before going back to the hospital. 

It would probably do wonders for them to have a nice, warm home without giant holes in the roof that let in piles of snow and rain, and to have nice, warm beds that were stuffed with feathers and cleaned every day by servants instead of the uncomfortable bare-bones wooden ones Wakko and Yakko had. Goodness knew his back would probably appreciate it. 

Still... as he looked around he recognized it as home. He had lived their for a whole year- the longest he’s lived anywhere since before the attack. It would be really hard to say goodbye. 

Yakko sat down on his bed and groaned, annoyed as the headache flared. He really thought his mind would be used to all of this over analyzing and stressing by now, but it wasn’t. 

He then figured it was best he delay thinking about it until he was ready to discuss it with his siblings. For now, he’d head back to the hospital and wait for Dot to wake up. He had ignored Wakko long enough anways. 

Turns out, Yakko didn’t have to wait much at all, as Dot was already awake by the time he had made it back. 

“Yakko! Do you like my scar?” Dot beamed when he entered her room and showed off the scar on her chest where they had operated. Yakko laughed and nodded, feeling his headache disappear entirely. 

“Very cool,” He said, setting down the bag of food in the corner of the room.

“I think it’s faboo,” Wakko grinned with his tongue sticking out like a puppy. 

“How’re you feeling though? Do you feel well rested?” Yakko asked, going to the side of her bed and stroking her head. 

“I feel fine Yakko, really,” Dot reassured. 

“Yeah, she feels fine. You’re such a worry-wart,” Wakko teased him. 

Yakko rolled his eyes. “It’s kept us alive this long, and you can’t argue with that.” 

“Yeah yeah,” Wakko mumbled. Sometimes Yakko swore his brother was still four years old. 

“Anyway,” He said, giving his brother a look, “I was wondering if you’re okay enough to have a long and kinda tough conversation.” 

“What do you mean? Are you gonna yell at me again?” Dot blinked. 

“No, no. It’s not like that conversation,” Yakko said, feeling a pang of guilt. “I mean... well...” He sighed, not knowing how to say it other than to outright say it. Instead, he patted for Wakko to sit on Dot’s bed and he did. 

“Well... you two know how Mom and Dad were once king and queen before King Salazar, right?” Yakko asked. His siblings nodded. 

“Well... you see, now that Salazar is on the way out, now the people of Warnerstock are looking for the true heirs to the throne... us,” Yakko explained, his sibs taking a moment to process what he was saying. 

“You mean they want us to rule the country?” Wakko tilted his head. 

“I mean- basically, yeah,” Yakko nodded. 

“I’d get to be a princess?” Dot beamed. 

“Well- yes, but it’s a lot more than just fancy dresses and a castle,” Yakko warned. 

“What do you mean?” She frowned. 

“Well, for starters, it’d mean we’d have responsibilities, and big ones. We’d have to make sure to take good care of Warnerstock, and it’s citizens,” He explained. 

“Psh, we can do that,” Wakko blew it off. 

“Oh? And what makes you so confident?” Yakko raised an eyebrow. 

“You’ve taken care of us two for six years now, and you’ve done just fine,” Wakko said plainly. 

“Yeah right, you two almost died countless times,” Yakko rolled his eyes, but decided not to get into. 

“A whole kingdom is a lot more than just two people,” Yakko said. 

“How would the people even know we’re the heirs to the throne?” Dot tilted her head. 

“Outside of looks? The hospital has our birth certificates,” Yakko said. “They’re signed by our parents and everything.” 

Wakko and Dot blinked. 

“Can we see them?” Wakko asked.  

“Uh- okay,” Yakko nodded and asked for the nurse to bring them over. She did, and Yakko handed them to his siblings, surprised to see how much they captivated them. 

“Wow- my name is really long written down,” Dot remarked. 

“Well yeah, what else did you expect Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III?” Yakko joked. 

“I honestly have no idea how you remember it all. I get them all mixed up,” Wakko commented. 

“Yeah, your name is nice and short, Wakkorotti,” Dot teased. 

“Dad’s handwriting was really neat and curly,” Wakko said, tracing the cursive with his finger. 

“That’s because it’s cursive and he was trained in calligraphy,” Yakko explained. “Which- if we decided to claim the throne- would be one of our responsibilities.”

“I wanna learn how to write curly letters!” Dot bounced up and down before wincing. 

“Take it easy Dot, no need to overexurt yourself. Dont’ forget you’re still recovering,” Yakko warned. 

“What else would we do?” Wakko asked. 

“Well... we’d make laws, sign treaties, keep people safe and happy, throw parties, and take a lot of classes that will probably be really boring for things like maners and such,” Yakko tried to recall what he could of his past for reference, but very little came up. 

“Would we still be together?” Dot asked. quieter. 

“Of course,” Yakko frowned with concern. “I’d never let them separate us.”

“We’d get a big fancy castle? With nice warm beds? And warm food?” Wakko quizzed. Yakko nodded. 

“O-of course, but it’s not that simple Wakko,” Yakko said, frustrated his worries weren’t getting through. 

“Then I don’t see what the problem is. Sign me up,” Wakko officially declared his support of reclaiming the throne. 

“Me too!” Dot agreed, and declared her support as well. 

“Well- I-... okay,” Yakko rubbed the bridge of his nose. In truth, he knew his siblings would be estatic about hearing that they could become royalty again, and that he’d be the only one with any problems. 

Well, he promised he’d listen and ask them, and that he did.

“If you guys are one hundred percent sure then... I’m sure too. Let’s go reclaim the throne... however you do that.”

.o0o.

After about a week of planning, they had finally done it. Salazar was gone and was never, ever coming back, Yakko made sure of that. 

He was amused by how scared the king had looked, knowing that he had been beaten by literal children. It was pathetic really, but Yakko enjoyed kicking him out nonetheless. After all, now he’d be rotting a cell for the rest of time. Yakko could finally rest easy about that. 

However, as he watched people redecorate the castle around him to become more and more like he remembered, he couldn’t help but feel like a ghost, viewing things that had once been. He had been dazed as he watched old tapestries get hung, and he had been left speechless when they asked for suggestions on flowers or colors. 

Thank god he had Wakko and Dot, otherwise he wasn’t sure he’d be able to do this.

Yakko smiled softly. Wakko and Dot had been so excited during the whole ordeal, only getting sad when they had to say goodbye to Acme Falls. They loved their new rooms (though they always ended up sleeping in Yakko’s room out of habit) and all the foods and dressing up and preparation for their corination. 

Oh god, their corination was today. Yakko was standing and getting his pants fitted for the ceremony which was in an hour. He was wearing a crown. 

He still couldn’t believe any of this was happening. 

“Now... how does that feel?” One of the seamstresses asked him, stepping back and giving him a good look up and down. 

“Feels weird to have pants that fit,” Yakko snorted, but admired himself in the mirror. 

He looked regal, almost. If he smiled and puffed out his chest, he looked like the epitome of confidence and charm. Thank god, he needed that or else everyone was going to realize he was just a scared kid. 

“But I like it. It looks great, thank you so much,” Yakko smiled and nodded at her. He then stepped down and decided to go looking for his sibs, noticing it had been awhile since he had seen them and he needed to make sure they hadn’t destroyed anything. 

“Yakko! These halls are so long, and really good for racing!” Dot said, nearly crashing into him as he turned the corner to see them. 

“Dot, what did I say about running around? You’re still recovering, take it easy,” Yakko shook his head and chuckled. As much as he warned against it, it filled him with joy to see her running around like a little kid again. After all, it had been over a year since she had been healthy.

“Lame,” Wakko rolled his eyes as he slowed down to join them. Yakko copied his motion as he scooped Dot up in his arms. 

“So, what’re you two doing in this hall? I think this is the one part of the castle I haven’t seen yet,” Yakko said. 

“A bunch of old art and stuff. The maid ladies said they haven’t decided where to put them up yet,” Wakko said, catching his breath. 

“Really? I thought I’d seen it all by now,” Yakko commented, now wanting to see them. Dot bobbed her head. 

“Oh yeah! They’re a bunch of old dresses and suits and stuff too, though a lot of them are really dirty,” She remarked. Yakko furrowed his eyebrows, not knowing what to think, as he started walking. 

As he walked, he noticed a lot of the furtinture in this hall was covered in while cloth, so he set Dot down and pulled them off before snorting. 

He remembered this one. It was a painting of an orchard from one of his Dad’s stories. It had been about a knight returning to his home village after years of being away, and falling for his childhood sweetheart before having to defeat a giant and saving the day for everyone. His father’s words had been so descriptive and precise, Yakko could recognize the painting in a flash. He was pretty sure it had been a birthday present to him when he was seven, though paintings were hardly what he’d consider a proper gift for a seven year old. 

Still. It felt nice to see it again. 

“What’s that? Who painted it?” Dot asked. 

“It’s a painting from one of Dad’s old stories. I’m pretty sure the royal artist did it... Pappy... Pabby... I don’t remember his name,” Yakko shrugged, not caring. 

“Can we have a royal painter? I wanna get a portrait done of me. Cuteness like this should be preserved,” Dot posed in her big pink dress. 

“I’ll think about it,” Yakko snickered, before moving to one that was much bigger than the others. Tilting his head, he pulled off the heavy cloth and took a step back as a layer of dust got into the air. After coughing and clearing the air, he looked at it and his body froze. 

“Woah, so realistic,” Wakko remarked, wanting to touch it.

“Who are those people?” Dot tilted her head. 

“Th-thats... th-that’s them,” Yakko said, unable to take his eyes off of it. 

It was a portrait of them, their whole family. It had been done a few weeks before the attack, and Yakko had never gotten to see the final product. But here it was- and it was so... so lifelike. Yakko wanted to reach out to it and touch it, hoping that he could feel his mother’s soft gloves and or his father’s fur cape. 

“Them?” Dot looked up at him. Yakko gulped hard. 

“M-mom and Dad,” he struggled to say. 

“Why are you shaking?” Dot asked. Yakko paused. He hadn’t noticed he was. 

“S-sorry sibs... it’s just... It’s really, really lifelike,” Yakko shook his head, trying to force himself out of the trance. “I can’t believe it survived. There’s no way any portraits of them should’ve made it. Most of them were burned or torn to pieces.”

“Wow... that’s what they looked like?” Dot asked, looking at it closer. Wakko nodded. 

“I only have one or two memories of Mum and Dad, but that’s them alright,” Wakko smiled a little, and Yakko wrapped an arm around him, before feeling himself start to shake again. 

“Oh god- what am I doing?” Yakko let go and took a step away from Wakko. His sibs looked back at him, equal parts concerned and confused. 

“I-i should be happy to see that a painting of them survived. I-i... I’ve missed seeing their faces a lot. B-but here I am, shaking like some idiot,” Yakko ran his fingers through his hair. He tried to gain control of his breath as he looked in the eyes of his parents in the painting, and felt another wave of emotions go down his spine. 

“I-i just... seeing them again, I-i...” Yakko tried to analyze his feelings, but it was proving to be very difficult. 

“It’s hard?” Wakko suggested. Yakko nodded slightly. 

“Y-yeah...” He sighed. “They just... they look so... regal. In control. They always knew what they were doing. They knew just how to protect us. No matter what happened, they had a plan to keep us safe, even if that ended up costing them,” He said, crossing his arms, as he felt guilt crawl into his throat and his eyes begin to fill with tears. 

“I just... I don’t think I’ll ever be able to match up to them,” He admitted, feeling a rogue tear escape. 

“God, I’m turning into such a cry baby,” Yakko muttered and wiped his eyes. 

“There’s no shame in crying, Yakko,” Dot frowned. “You should know that. You’ve told me all the time.”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Wakko said, stepping closer, clearly wanting to hug him. 

“Of course you two would say that,” Yakko sniffled, laughing a little. 

“Of course we would, we love you,” Wakko said, running to hug him. “And I know Mum and Dad loved you too.”

“I-I’m sure if they were around, they’d be proud Yakko. I mean- look at you. Somehow, you kept me and Wakko alive in Acme Falls for six years, and you’ve kept us safe and gave us food and protection, all while putting on a brave face to keep us happy,” Dot pointed out, joining the hug. “That’s incredibly brave and regal, if you asked me.”

Yakko patted her head softly. “Thanks sis.” Dot just smiled in return. Taking in a deep breath, Yakko tried to regain his composure. 

“You know... I’m really lucky to have you two,” Yakko said, and he meant it. He couldn’t imagine how his life would be if he didn’t have Dot or Wakko with him, especially right in this moment. 

“Really?” Wakko asked, his tongue now sticking out, as it so often did. 

“Of course,” Yakko ruffled his fur. “You two are honestly the best siblings and co-rulers a prince such as myself could ask for,” Yakko smiled. 

“Thanks, you’re not so bad yourself,” Dot winked at him. Yakko snorted. 

“Seriously though, I couldn’t imagine doing this without you guys. You guys are probably the only thing keeping me sane right now,” He said, only half joking. 

“It’s okay Yakko, we aren’t going anywhere,” Wakko laughed a little. 

“Yeah! We’re a team, we all agreed on that. You’re never gonna have to worry about being alone ever again,” Dot said with a big smile. 

“Good,” He said, hugging the two of them a little bit closer as he wiped away another tear. With a breath, he looked at his watch and gasped. 

“Brain is gonna kill us if we’re late, we have to hurry. It’s almost time,” Yakko said, and Wakko and Dot nodded. 

“You gonna be okay?” Wakko asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll be okay,” He nodded. “I got the best team ever. And if all else fails, I’ll improvise a little, that’s always worked out, right?” He said, in reference to the speech he was going to have to make to the kingom. He had written cue cards, but in all honesty he thought those ideas were garbage and he’d figure it out when he got there, which was probably a terrible idea, but if he could improvise a way to keep the three of them from being killed by Salazar, he could probably improvise an acceptance speech to the kingdom. 

“We believe in you,” Wakko and Dot gave him big thumbs up. 

“You two are dorks. Go finish getting ready, I’ll be there in a minute,” Yakko said. Wakko and Dot nodded, scurrying off to get some final touches done (mostly redoing their hair since they had just spent goodness knew how long running around). 

Once they disappeared, Yakko sighed and turned back to the portrait. 

“H-hi Mom... Hi Dad,” He gulped. 

“I-it’s me. Yakko. I-i don’t know if you recognize me, it’s been a while since you’ve seen me,” He said, cringing at how stupid he must’ve sounded. Still, he felt... better talking to them, so he continued. 

“I-i just want to say... thanks. For everything. You’ve left some really big shoes to fill- well... not shoes exactly, we’ve never really worn shoes, but... you know,” He joked. 

“And I just... thanks for giving me Wakko and Dot. Seriously. If you were still here, you’d be so proud of them, I just know it,” He said. 

“I wasn’t kidding earlier: I really don’t know if I could’ve made it this far without them... They’re so much like you two in so many ways, you’d be surprised. Dot as your kindness and your strength, while Wakko has your optimism and your courage...” Yakko smiled weakly. 

“I guess despite everything, we did turn out okay,“ He said, feeling a wave of comfort and relaxation wash over him. 

Despite all the hell they had been through, they were okay, and right where they were always supposed to be. 

Yakko had done a good job after all. He truly had kept his promise to his mother. He had protected and watched over them and kept them safe and sound. 

“Yakko! Brain said to come and get you before he kills you!” Wakko called from the other end of the hall. 

“Be right there!” He replied, before returning to the painting. 

“I miss you a lot... but it’s okay now. I’m okay,” He said. 

“I have my sibs, and no one is ever going to separate us ever again. Not even death itself.”

Yakko took a deep breath and smiled. “I have to go now... but I’m sure I’ll be back. I just gotta go rule a kingdom, I’m sure you understand,” He joked, before shaking his head. He waved goodbye to the painting and ran to go join his siblings at the tower where the balcony where they were going to give their speech was. 

“You two ready?” Yakko asked, adjusting his cape. 

“Born ready,” Dot gave a toothy grin. Yakko snorted. 

“Ready to go when you are Yakko,” Wakko grinned as well. 

“Are you ready Yakko?” Brain asked. 

“With a team like this? Of course,” Yakko nodded at the mouse. Brain accepted the corny response, nodding at a guard, who them opened the doors wide. 

Yakko then held Wakko and Dot’s hands and gave them a tight squeeze, before together, they stepped out into the rest of their lives, secure in the fact that no matter what life threw at them next, they’d always have each other.

Always.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

[fantasticfemmefatale]

spelling

A/N: please someone send me a request im literally begging you

SUMMARY:  y/n spells Emily’s name wrong on her coffee cup on purpose

WARNINGS: none bc im a #legend and don’t  use nono words

The first time, she just shrugged and went about her day.

The first time, you did it for the same reason you did it to everyone else: it broke up the monotony of a minimum-wage barista job.

The first time was different.

The second time, you recognized her, with her long, silky black hair and sideways belt buckle.

The second time you did it because you wanted her to laugh, or smile, or something. So on the side of the steaming cup, you wrote “Emely” in uneven Sharpie scrawl. You winked as you handed it to her, and she laughed as she read it. 

The second time, you thought that was it.

The third time was a few weeks later, but you still knew it was her. This time, you wrote Emlee, and as you handed it to her, and her eyes scanned the nearly-unintelligible writing, gathered the courage to say, “I haven’t seen you around here in awhile.”

She looked up, meeting your eyes, and you swore you died and went to heaven in that moment. 

“I work for the FBI,” she responded. “I was on a case for a few weeks.” She paused for a minute, then turned to go.

You would later say you must’ve had your own coffee spiked that morning, because there was no other way you ever could’ve called after her: “Wait!”

She stopped and turned back towards you. “Can I get your number?” You practically whispered. All the courage you’d had a moment ago faded when she looked at you. She nodded, and chugged the rest of her coffee before reaching past two of your coworkers, grabbing the Sharpie off the counter and writing something on the cup, then handing it to you.

Wow.

You texted her a few days later.

“Hey. This is (Y/N), the barista who asked for your number.”

Her response came almost instantly, “Want to go out sometime?”

If one thing was for sure, this girl got to the point.

Your date got postponed a few times due to her FBI job. In the meantime, you two texted and called each other, sharing details about your lives. She told you about growing up the daughter of an ambassador, and you told her about how you had been a nurse for a few years, but were now in your last year of med school, hoping to become an ER doctor. You had a part-time job as a barista to pay the bills, because nursing while in school had become too demanding.

Oh, and she sent memes.

Lots of them.

By the time your date finally rolled around, you felt like you’d known her for years. 

You two went to dinner and then bounced from club to club, dancing the night away like you were in some modern-day, LGBTQ+ Cinderella story. Her wit and can-do attitude were contagious; by the end of the night, your insecurities felt like a distant memory. It was amazing, really how this woman you’d only seen in person three times before could make you feel like this. Alas, as Cinderella must leave the ball at the stroke of midnight, Emily got a call from her boss, telling her she was needed at the BAU. 

She looked genuinely sad when she told you she had to leave, and you took that as a sign that she’d enjoyed your date. Emily offered to drop you off at your house as she left, but you declined the offer, saying you’d just get an Uber. 

“Be safe,” Emily warned, and then kissed you, like lightning, before turning to go with a wave, like nothing had happened. You sat there, awestruck, for twelve minutes until you regained enough of your mental facilities to remember you were currently in the middle of a club at 4:46 in the morning without a ride home.

Jack laughed at you when you told him that story. “C’mon, that can’t really be how you two got together!” 

“Eh, believe whatever you want,” you said with a smile, tucking a strand behind your ear. The engagement ring on your wrist sparkled as you did so, and Jack demanded to see the ring just one more time, pretty please? How could you refuse?

Emily walked in a few moments later, reaching down to ruffle your hair as she did so. “Rossi’s serving the pasta soon, you two.”

You laughed and swatted her hand away, muttering, “It’s surprising he’s even able to let us eat it. The guy literally acts like it’s his child.”

Jack and Emily both laughed at that, and you helped Jack up as you stood, following Emily to the backyard, where the rest of the BAU team was waiting. Over the years, you’d gotten to know them well, until they were all practically family to you. 

“Remind me again why he insisted on throwing us an engagement party,” you murmured in Emily’s ear.

“Because he thinks he’s our legal guardian,” she whispered back.

The rest of the party was fun, full of drinking, playing with Jack and Henry, pasta, and arguments with Derek and Spencer over the dumbest things. Although you’d enjoyed it, by the end of the night you were tired, your face hurt from smiling so much, and your feet hurt from standing. Emily, on the other hand, looked like she’d just had four energy drinks. 

“I’ll get you coffee on the way home and then we’re choosing what to do next.”

“God no,” you groaned, “I just want sleep.”

Emily laughed, managing to only sound slightly psychotic, as she pulled into the Starbucks drive-thru. You were too busy slipping in and out of consciousness to hear what she ordered for you. When she was handed your drink, however, she pulled a marker out of the cupholder in the front seat, and crossed out your name, and rewrote it. You figured she was fixing the barista’s spelling, until she proudly handed the cup to you.

(Y/N).

But spelled in the weirdest possible way.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.” Emily ended her sentence by kissing you, at least, until the car behind you two honked at you guys for holding up the line.

Emily muttered what you assumed was a string of expletives as she drove the rest of the way through the drive-thru, but extremely slow on purpose.

“What’d I do to deserve you?” you asked. You were gazing at her with complete adoration as you sipped your drink.

Her response was a snort, followed by, “Must’ve been something good.

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X13

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Oh my gosh! Wow! There’s so much to say about this episode. I'm so glad that Meredith woke up and appears to be on the mend. As much as I loved the beach, I am ready for Meredith to rejoin society and the land of the living and get back to doing what she does best! I'm glad that Meredith got closure and that we as fans got closure too not just with Derek but with George as well. The beach wedding scene was perfect and the dialogue throughout was great.

I laughed out loud multiple times and Meredith and Derek’s scenes were both funny and bittersweet. I particularly liked Meredith and Derek's lines about how Meredith hates weddings, but Ellis hates the Post It Note story and wishes they had a big wedding. That she would give her that big wedding if she could. I felt like she was also saying she would give Derek that big wedding if she could. I also loved their conversation about Amelia. Derek told her what she needed to hear. Sometimes losing someone close to you at a young age makes you stronger and sometimes it turns you into Amelia.

Amelia has grown so much, but she spent most of her life a mentally unstable drug and alcohol addicted mess spiralling out of control in large part because she witnessed the brutal murder of her father at the age of five. And that’s not to say that Derek wasn’t just as screwed up by what happened to their Dad. He like Amelia became a neurosurgeon always chasing the high. He stayed in a loveless marriage he hated and when Addison cheated on him with Mark he moved to Seattle where he pretended to be single and pursued a relationship with Meredith.

Even after he and Meredith got together, he lied and cheated and repeated that pattern over and over again. First with Nurse Rose and then with Renee his research fellow in D.C. Derek could be selfish, cruel, hypocritical, and jealous. While Amelia’s scars and trauma were more obvious and blatant Derek was just as affected as she was it just showed up differently. Derek makes it clear he does not want that for Zola, Bailey, and Ellis and after talking to him Meredith realizes that she doesn’t either.

I loved seeing Meredith talk about how well Amelia is doing and Derek saying, “I know!” From the moment Derek on the beach I had a feeling they were going to talk about Amelia and the kids and all of that and I’m glad they did. One of my favourite moments of the episode was when Meredith told Derek that Ellis hates the Post It Note story and wishes they had a big wedding and Derek said, "She gets that from my mother!" I loved that they showed Ellis’ drawing on the fridge when Maggie is talking to Winston on the phone.

I love that Meredith and Derek got their beach wedding like Derek talked about in Season 5 when he made Meredith a bed in front of the fireplace. She went from never wanting to get married to marrying Derek on a Post It Note, getting legally married at the court house so that they could adopt Zola, and then marrying him on the beach in her COVID dream and giving Derek and Ellis the big wedding he always wanted and the one Ellis dreams of. So beautiful. I’m glad that they got closure and that Meredith decided to go back and that she knows Derek will be waiting for her when she’s ready, when it’s her time. When she’s old and senile and smelly just like they promised.

But now is not that time. She has kids to raise. Patients to treat. Sisters, friends, and family that need her. And a certain Irish doctor who would very much like to take her for a drink once she’s feeling better. I loved that Meredith realized through talking to Derek that even though her body was tired her soul was still fighting and that she needed to go back to her life. I loved her scene with Zola when she woke up and said, "We love you so much," meaning both her and Derek. That Mommy and Daddy love her so much and that’s why Meredith came back. She gave up on an afterlife with Derek to be with her children, friends, and family in the real world. That was so beautiful.

I loved Maggie's talk with Zola. I love that she took what Catherine gave her about screaming out your feelings and used it to help Zola who has been through so much express her emotions in a healthy way. I really felt Zola's heartbreak and how much she missed her Mom and Dad. I'm glad that Maggie decided to take Zola to visit Meredith. It was risky, but it paid off. The set department did a great job with Zola’s room. When she’s sitting on her bed crying you can see the photo of Meredith and Derek holding her at her first birthday party. You can also see a sock monkey that she had at the dream house.

The slop of the roof indicates that her room is in the attic. At last we saw it Lexie was living in there and Mark was visiting her while they were sneaking around, and it was an unfinished space with wood panelling. It appears that since that time as her family expanded Meredith had the attic finished and turned into a proper bedroom for Zola. We don’t know how big the attic is so it’s possible that there are more rooms up there or that there are more rooms upstairs than what we’ve seen.

I'm glad that Derek was there for Meredith in her time of need and helped her find the will to fight even though she was exhausted. I'm interested to see what's next for Meredith. If we'll see her being discharged in the coming weeks or if they will do a time jump. Will we see her at home with the kids first or back at work? Will her and Hayes finally have that drink? If so, how soon? I want to know more! I’m excited to see Maggie tell her about her engagement to Winston and see her meet Winston properly and get to know him. I’m also excited for what I’m sure will be an emotional scene when she thanks Amelia and Link for taking care of her kids while she’s been sick.

I’m also expecting some very emotional scenes with Richard and Bailey. I’m interested to see how they will address DeLuca’s death. I’d also like to see Jackson’s reaction when he returns from his most recent quest and finds out that Meredith has woken up and is doing better. I’d also like to see someone notify Cristina, Alex, Arizona, Callie, and April that Meredith is doing better. I can’t wait to see Hayes’ reaction to finding out that Meredith is on the mend! My heart!

Now let us turn our attention to the other shenanigans that were going on at Grey Sloan Memorial this week while Meredith was busying getting closure with Derek and waking up. We saw Teddy back at work trying her best to move forward. I was glad to see that she found a therapist that works for her even though it has to be virtual due to the pandemic. I'm glad that Owen was there for her. She really needs a friend right now and as Owen said previously, he's well placed to be that person. I like that he backed her up, but also pointed out that she would be destroyed if something went wrong with Meredith. That lead to her paging Winston to scrub in with her which I think was the right call.  

I think Owen did the right thing by rejecting her kiss but choosing to stay with her and let her cry and breakdown. She needs the support right now and while I’m not usually an Owen fan I think he did a good job supporting her this episode. I also really felt for him when he lost a patient he thought they were going to be able to discharge and struggled to tell the family. As he says to Teddy, they did this all the time during the way, but this is different. They are losing patients on a level that they’ve never experienced before, and they can’t even take a moment to catch their breath because they have more patients to treat and pronounce.

My heart breaks for the real life doctors and nurses who are dealing with stuff on a daily basis. It’s so hard. On a lighter note, I really loved Amelia and Link's patient storyline this week. It was funny and interesting, and it was great to see Amelia back in the OR. While it was wrong of Amelia to steal Link’s patient and I think she did overstep I understand why she was so eager to get back into the OR and she was right about what was wrong with the guy.

I understood Link’s anger and frustration, but I also appreciated that he understood Amelia and was there to support her and build her up. I like that he brought in Tom and had him on standby, but also showed complete confidence in Amelia. His line about how Amelia always likes to raise the stakes was hilarious and accurate. Another scene I loved was when Amelia and Link were leaving the hospital and Link thought she was using sexual innuendo and then she clarified that she needed to get home because her boobs felt like they were going to burst, and she needed to either pump or breastfeed. That one cracked me up!

We also saw some amazing acting by Caterina Scorsone when upon arriving home and finding Link’s parents looking after Bailey and Ellis, they rushed to the hospital thinking something was wrong with Meredith. Amelia was riding high from the surgery that day and when she thought Meredith had gotten worse, she panicked only to realize that Meredith’s condition hadn’t changed. Her sobbing and desperation as she said over and over again that she really needed Meredith to live were gut wrenching. Caterina did an amazing job.

I also really liked Bailey and Levi’s patient storyline. The peanut butter brittle woman who took up roller skating was the best! She was funny and helped Bailey see that you need to rest and also follow your joy. The scenes where the woman gave Levi the brittle and then he was smelling it made me laugh! As a result of treating that patient Bailey decided to reverse her earlier decision and let Jo switch specialities. While I’m not on board with that storyline I'm glad that Bailey decided to support Jo in following her joy. Making someone stay in a role they don't like will only make them resent you and make everyone involved unhappy.

That being said, I hate this career switching storyline. It’s so dumb. I've realized with this episode that my opinion on this storyline isn't ever going to change. If they use it as a segue for Jo adopting Luna that could be interesting, but watching Jo leave general surgery behind and re-specialize in OBGYN so she can stand on the sidelines while all the other characters do ground breaking work and cool procedures just seems dumb to me. I am not invested in this storyline at all.

Levi and Jo have great comedic timing which was on full display in this episode. Jackson was MIA this episode because he went roaring off on another one of his quests leaving the person he’s dating in the lurch and telling them about it after the fact. He took a leave of absence from work and then left Maggie a voicemail back in Season 15 telling her he needed some time to think and then went camping in the woods to look at trees which lead to him talking to April and texting a woman he met on this trip behind Maggie’s back. He then left her in the fog on a dark road in an area with bears at the end of Season 15.

Now he’s left Jo to go on an unknown quest that’s 11 hours away. When did Jackson become the guy that just vanishes at random to go do whatever the heck he wants? I was surprised that Nico asked Levi to move in with him at the end of the episode. That was not at all the answer that Levi was expecting so I understand why he ran off and said he promised Jo he'd do a movie night with her. Levi wanted to move in with Nico last season and Nico didn't want that, but instead of just saying that outright he dodged the topic and was a real jerk about it. That resulted in them breaking up and Levi moving in with Jo.

They only got back together because of the pandemic and in the intervening time Levi has grown as a person and no longer wants that kind of a relationship with Nico. When he told him that him leaving his bathroom bag at his place didn't mean he was going to move in with him he was being sincere. He just didn't want to have to keep carting his toothbrush back and forth all the time. In response Nico realized he's always running away from what scares him and pushing people away when they get too close and he wants to fix that, so he asked Levi to move in with him.

Therein lies their problem. They're never on the same page. When Levi wanted to move forward and take that next step Nico didn't want to. Now that Nico wants to move forward and take the next step Levi is no longer interested. What a dilemma. I also noticed that Jo and Levi had very similar outfits at the beginning of this episode. You know you’re becoming good friends with someone when you start unconsciously matching outfits.

Onto the next episode’s promo! We see Jackson driving in the rain, showing up on someone’s doorstep talking to himself about how his appearance might seem impulsive, but he has thought it through. The door opens to reveal April who is holding Harriet in between clips of his and April’s relationship. I have a few theories about this. First off, I think they are faking us out. If there was trouble in paradise and things weren’t going well with April and Matthew, they wouldn’t have had Jackson make a comment in the first half of the season about how Matthew is spending more time with Harriet then he and April are because they are taking more COVID shifts.

April is a deeply religious Christian woman whose faith is really important to her. She was vehemently opposed to getting a divorce even though her relationship with Jackson was clearly over because of her faith. Marriage is not something she takes lightly so I have a hard time seeing her divorce Matthew out of the blue because Jackson shows back up and is in crisis when her and Matthew have been together for the past three seasons and have been married for two.

Also, they are raising two children together and co-parenting one of those kids with Jackson. A lot of court services were shut down in the first few months of the pandemic for safety reasons which made it difficult to get a divorce and this episode takes place in June of 2020. So even if April and Matthew split up they couldn’t legally get a divorce very easily at this time and if April and Jackson got back together they would still have to interact with Matthew on a regular basis because they are co-parenting kids together and there’s no way that April would walk away from Ruby.

The only way I could see April and Jackson getting back together is if Matthew has died or fallen ill somehow. Otherwise I just don’t see it. I think they’re faking us out. I think the clips in the promo are there to entice japril fans and play into that because logistically I don’t see how a storyline in which April and Matthew suddenly divorce and April and Jackson get back together in one episode is possible.

Until next time!

[sit-down-and-shut-up]

spelling- e. prentiss

warnings: none

words: 1091

summary: y/n purposefully misspells emily’s name on her coffee cup to get her attention. the action comes back to haunt her later.

The first time, she just shrugged and went about her day.

The first time, you did it for the same reason you did it to everyone else: it broke up the monotony of a minimum-wage barista job.

The first time was different.

+++++

The second time, you recognized her, with her long, silky black hair and sideways belt buckle.

The second time you did it because you wanted her to laugh, or smile, or something. So on the side of the steaming cup, you wrote “Emely” in uneven Sharpie scrawl. You winked as you handed it to her, and she laughed as she read it. 

The second time, you thought that was it.

+++++

The third time was a few weeks later, but you still knew it was her. This time, you wrote Emlee, and as you handed it to her, and her eyes scanned the nearly-unintelligible writing, gathered the courage to say, “I haven’t seen you around here in awhile.”

She looked up, meeting your eyes, and you swore you died and went to heaven in that moment. 

“I work for the FBI,” she responded. “I was on a case for a few weeks.” She paused for a minute, then turned to go.

You would later say you must’ve had your own coffee spiked that morning, because there was no other way you ever could’ve called after her: “Wait!”

She stopped and turned back towards you. “Can I get your number?” You practically whispered. All the courage you’d had a moment ago faded when she looked at you. She nodded, and chugged the rest of her coffee before reaching past two of your coworkers, grabbing the Sharpie off the counter and writing something on the cup, then handing it to you.

Wow.

You texted her a few days later.

“Hey. This is Y/N, the barista who asked for your number.”

Her response came almost instantly, “Want to go out sometime?”

If one thing was for sure, this girl got to the point.

+++++

Your date got postponed a few times due to her FBI job. In the meantime, you two texted and called each other, sharing details about your lives. She told you about growing up the daughter of an ambassador, and you told her about how you had been a nurse for a few years, but were now in your last year of med school, hoping to become an ER doctor. You had a part-time job as a barista to pay the bills, because nursing while in school had become too demanding.

Oh, and she sent memes.

Lots of them.

By the time your date finally rolled around, you felt like you’d known her for years. 

You two went to dinner and then bounced from club to club, dancing the night away like you were in some modern-day, LGBTQ+ Cinderella story. Her wit and can-do attitude were contagious; by the end of the night, your insecurities felt like a distant memory. It was amazing, really how this woman you’d only seen in person three times before could make you feel like this. Alas, as Cinderella must leave the ball at the stroke of midnight, Emily got a call from her boss, telling her she was needed at the BAU. 

She looked genuinely sad when she told you she had to leave, and you took that as a sign that she’d enjoyed your date. Emily offered to drop you off at your house as she left, but you declined the offer, saying you’d just get an Uber. 

“Be safe,” Emily warned, and then kissed you, like lightning, before turning to go with a wave, like nothing had happened. You sat there, awestruck, for twelve minutes until you regained enough of your mental facilities to remember you were currently in the middle of a club at 4:46 in the morning without a ride home.

+++++

Jack laughed at you when you told him that story. “C’mon, that can’t really be how you two got together!” 

“Eh, believe whatever you want,” you said with a smile, tucking a strand behind your ear. The engagement ring on your wrist sparkled as you did so, and Jack demanded to see the ring just one more time, pretty please? How could you refuse?

Emily walked in a few moments later, reaching down to ruffle your hair as she did so. “Rossi’s serving the pasta soon, you two.”

You laughed and swatted her hand away, muttering, “It’s surprising he’s even able to let us eat it. The guy literally acts like it’s his child.”

Jack and Emily both laughed at that, and you helped Jack up as you stood, following Emily to the backyard, where the rest of the BAU team was waiting. Over the years, you’d gotten to know them well, until they were all practically family to you. 

“Remind me again why he insisted on throwing us an engagement party,” you murmured in Emily’s ear.

“Because he thinks he’s our legal guardian,” she whispered back.

+++++

The rest of the party was fun, full of drinking, playing with Jack and Henry, pasta, and arguments with Derek and Spencer over the dumbest things. Although you’d enjoyed it, by the end of the night you were tired, your face hurt from smiling so much, and your feet hurt from standing. Emily, on the other hand, looked like she’d just had four energy drinks. 

“I’ll get you coffee on the way home and then we’re choosing what to do next.”

“God no,” you groaned, “I just want sleep.”

Emily laughed, managing to only sound slightly psychotic, as she pulled into the Starbucks drive-thru. You were too busy slipping in and out of consciousness to hear what she ordered for you. When she was handed your drink, however, she pulled a marker out of the cupholder in the front seat, and crossed out your name, and rewrote it. You figured she was fixing the barista’s spelling, until she proudly handed the cup to you.

Your name.

But spelled in the weirdest possible way.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t.” Emily ended her sentence by kissing you, at least, until the car behind you two honked at you guys for holding up the line.

Emily muttered what you assumed was a string of expletives as she drove the rest of the way through the drive-thru, but extremely slow on purpose.

“What’d I do to deserve you?” you asked. You were gazing at her with complete adoration as you sipped your drink.

Her response was a snort, followed by, “Must’ve been something good.”

[softbiker]

Bucky Barnes Oneshot

Warnings: a couple of bad words

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: After being injured on a mission, Bucky winds up spending a day with the Avengers newest recruit. Bucky x Reader

A/N: This is my submission for @nacho-bucky ‘s writing challenge! My prompt was ‘the smell of freshly baked bread’. As a side note, I drank a whole pot of coffee yesterday and wrote this in one afternoon, so it’s also unedited :) As always, let me know what you think! 

By the time the quinjet is an hour out from New York, Bucky Barnes is in an irredeemably foul mood.

Breaking up terror cells in Germany was supposed to be an easy mission - in and out, with the practiced ease of their well-oiled strike team. Really, they took the mission to spare German special forces the trouble...that, and a potential connection to an old Red Room contact of Natasha’s. With their “dream team” (Sam’s words, not Bucky’s) of Cap, Bucky, Sam, and Natasha, this should have been a light op, a scrimmage, Nerf ball.

Turns out superheroing is a contact sport, and they’ve got the bombs and broken ribs to prove it. A train station, a decoy, and an explosive device Natasha failed to disarm. With Sam coordinating civilian evacuation, there had only been a couple dozen injuries, but the suspect had slipped away, leaving them bruised and empty-handed.

Bucky had taken a brutal hit as he pulled Nat to safety, and now he is curled in his seat on the jet, metal hand holding his ribcage. He watches Steve scowl in the cockpit, jaw unflinchingly tight as he goes over the mission in his head. The captain doesn’t know how to let things go - never has, never will. Sam is actually piloting the quinjet, making unreturned small talk about a basketball game he went to last weekend. Natasha sits across from Bucky, a Stark tablet in her hands, dissecting bomb schematics and diagrams of diffusion techniques. There’s a little scab of dried blood on her bottom lip that she pokes at with her tongue, red brows lowered in concentration.

Bucky is exhausted - his hair smells like dust and smoke, his mouth is tangy and dry. There’s dried sweat underneath his uniform and he itches and his feet are hot in his boots and his ribs really fucking hurt. He lets his head fall back against the seat, and wishes they were home already.

**********

She pops her head up over the back of the couch when she hears them. What a sight they make: Bucky, propped up on Steve’s shoulder, Natasha dust-covered and buried in her tablet, Sam still sweaty and tugging at the harness on his suit. She still smiles, tentative but kind.

“Hi guys.” She lifts her fingers in a little wave. “Everyone okay?”

Bucky grunts in response; Natasha says nothing, making a beeline for her room and a shower. Sam, without doubt the most talkative person on the team, props himself on a stool and blows a harsh breath past his lips.

“We’re alright, yeah,” he sighed. “Barnes is a little beat up but he’ll get over it - he’s just  dramatic.”

“Fuck you, too, Wilson.” Bucky flips Sam off over his shoulder as they hobble towards the elevators.

She winces, not yet used to their harsh banter.

“Hey man, be nice in front of the rookie, alright?” Sam hollers, mock-offended. “You’re creating a hostile work environment!”

Steve chuckles a little at that, jostling Bucky’s tender ribs, which makes him scowl at his best friend.

“Bucky is a hostile work environment,” Steve deadpans. They’ve reached the elevator, and shuffle inside, turning to face the common room. Bucky catches the rookie’s eyes as she giggles behind her hand.

“She’s fine,” he rolls his eyes, sparing a wink for the rookie. “When I make it hostile, bird brain, you’ll know.”

The elevator doors close, and he leans on Steve a little heavier, and jabs his elbow into Steve’s stomach.

“Thanks a lot for that, by the way,” he huffs.

“What?” Steve feigns innocence, and very poorly. “Didn’t know you were so worried about making a good impression on the rookie.”

“I’m - I’m not.”

“Uh huh.”

“Shut up.”

They meet Dr. Banner in the medical wing where his lab adjoins the clinic; Sam had messaged him half an hour ago that they were inbound with a broken supersoldier, and Bruce had taken the liberty of setting up some of his supplies. Of all the doctors on staff, Bucky favored Dr. Banner - he was mild and soft-spoken enough to not trigger Bucky’s anxiety, in spite of the needles and IV drips and the snapping of latex gloves.

An X-ray and some bandages later, Bucky is removed from the active duty list for two weeks.

“Even with your advanced healing factor, I wanna be careful with this,” Bruce says, taking off his glasses to scratch the side of his nose. “I mean, your medical history is a little blurry, to say the least - and with all the shit HYDRA pulled, who knows what kind of stress your bones have been through before.” He taps away on his tablet, notifying FRIDAY and the admin system to remove Bucky from the roster. “In the meantime, take it easy - no missions, no training, no lifting weights. Probably avoid the motorcycle, too. I’ll check on them again in two weeks, and we’ll go from there.”

Steve is nodding - he never leaves Bucky by himself in medical - and crosses his arms. Neither of them have changed out of their uniforms yet, and in this sterile observation room, Bucky can finally smell the layers of grime and sweat clinging to them. His nose wrinkles when he gets a little whiff of himself, feeling bad for the nurse who bandaged his ribs.

“Oh I almost forgot -” Bruce turns around and reaches for something on his lab bench. A little blue bottle, full of round white pills. “Here. I developed these for the two of you - since you metabolize normal painkillers so quickly, I figured we might need something that would work in the event you sustain heavy injuries which…well, seemed likely. Take 2 every 4 hours, okay?”

His metal fingers grip the little bottle, rattling the tablets inside.

“Sure thing, doc.”

**********

She lifts the hem of her shirt, wiping at the sweat on her forehead, and leans against the wall of the gym. Her breath comes in short pants as her chest heaves, trying to cool down from her last bout with Agent Romanoff.

“Heads up.”

Her hands barely make it up in time to catch the flying water bottle headed for her face.

“Good catch,” Romanoff smirks a little. She’s sweating, too, but in a way that’s decidedly more sexy, little red curls hanging by her face. She looks fresh from a Pilates class, not a suicide workout - the rookie can feel the heat of her own face, the sweat drenching her clothes, and knows she’s not nearly as glowing as her trainer.

“You did really good today,” Romanoff continues. She keeps saying to call her “Natasha” but that is so hard to do with a woman so intimidating her alias is one of the world’s deadliest animals. “Really good. You’ve shown tons of improvement since we started. I’m going to recommend we start letting you shadow on missions in a couple more weeks.”

“Wow, really?” Her face lit up in spite of her exhaustion.

“Sure.” Natasha smiles. “I know it’s gotten a little boring, having you go through all of this.”

“Boring” was an understatement. Despite having a few years of experience under her belt - well, according to Tony Stark, vigilantism barely counts as “experience” - the rookie was assigned to a training program for her first couple of months on the team.

“Too much of a risk to put you in the field right away,” Stark had rattled off, handing her forms to sign and an official t-shirt (‘Look Mom! I’m an Avenger!’) and a tablet with a map of the compound. “Legal says we can avoid liability issues with a training program before we gradually phase you in, and I’m inclined to agree, so! Welcome to the team, but not officially!”

Her days consisted of early morning workouts, followed by combat and tactical training with Black Widow herself, and then...well, not much. There was research, of course, and she stayed on top of the intelligence briefings with the rest of the team. She went to meetings and official dinners and unofficial karaoke nights, but the rest of her time was mostly her own. Frankly, she was chomping at the bit to get back out there, in the action. Helping people.

“Well, hopefully it’ll pay off,” she sighs, giving Agent Romanoff an exhausted smile. “I wouldn’t want to be the weak link on the team.”

“You won’t be, believe me,” Natasha shakes her head. With a glance at her watch, she picks up her own water bottle and heads for the door. “Now I’ve gotta run, Skype meeting with Fury in 5. I’ll see you later, Rookie!”

**********

Bucky Barnes was feeling good.

Like, damn good.

Like, ‘Banner should label his controlled substances’ good.

Thing is, post-HYDRA and post-fugitive and post-cognitive reconstruction therapy, Bucky was more mentally okay than he had been in decades. He had the occasional rough day, and he definitely wasn’t perfect by any means, but with the shrinks that Stark had on retainer, he was getting better at dealing with it all. His physical health, however, was more of a moving target. In spite of receiving a bastardized supersoldier serum, he had been pumped full of so much other shit and gone through so much physical stress that his body had fundamentally shifted equilibrium. Multiple appointments with Dr. Cho and Shuri revealed that his chronic pain may never fully heal - if it did, it would be a very gradual process. Normal painkillers in reasonable doses did nothing for him, so Bucky settled in to his discomfort, carrying it the way he carried his knives and his scars - always.

24 hours into his medical leave, a few doses of pills down, and he couldn’t feel a single ounce of pain in his body - he shifted his awareness to each part of himself, like that guided meditation thing Wanda did sometimes, and he couldn’t find the pain, not even lurking behind the muscle and metal. He might be a little miffed at being off the active duty roster, but if his whole vacation is going to feel like this? Well, he doesn’t mind to let Steve handle the next threat to world peace.

With his schedule suddenly wide open, Bucky wonders what he’ll do with his day. He can’t remember the last time he truly had nothing to do - it’s an exciting prospect. So he lets himself ease through his morning, sleeping in, long hot shower, slipping on those plush Black Widow pajama pants Nat gave him as a gag gift. He knows everyone else will have had their breakfast and moved on to morning briefings and training drills by now, and he wanders down to the kitchen in the hopes that they’ve left him some coffee.

He sees her there, perched on a stool at the island and frowning at the tablet in her hand. There’s a little scrunch to her nose when she does that, he notices.

“Good morning,” he says softly, trying and failing not to startle her.

“Oh, hey Bucky,” she smiles, watches him round the island to the coffee pot on the counter. “I didn’t see you there.”

“S’okay. I’m quiet.”

“You didn’t get tapped for the recovery mission? They’re going after your suspect from Berlin again, I think.”

“Oh, I’m off missions for two weeks.” He turns, giant ‘Don’t forget to be awesome’ mug gripped in his metal hand. “Banner’s orders. You didn’t hear about my smashed ribs?”

“Oh no, I guess not - are you okay?” Suddenly she’s concerned, and a little sheepish. “Sorry, I’m still a little out of the loop I guess.”

He feels guilty for that - she’s eager, bright, kind, a brilliant recruit. But it can take a while before you’re ‘in’ with the team. Not because they exclude her, but, well - a group made up of outsiders has a hard time adding new faces to the mix.

“Don’t apologize. Not your fault.” Bucky digs around in a jar on the counter for a few sugar packets, dumping them into his mug. “Anyways, I’m off the roster for now. Gotta figure out something to do with myself, I guess.”

Her smile is slow, ducked under pretty lashes - he really needs to stop noticing these things.

“Would you - I mean, you can hang out with me if you want?” She chews on her lip. “I’m done for today - my training with Natasha ended early and they didn’t need me in on the briefing so…”

The rookie was lonely - he could see that, anyone could. The fact is, between their own training and missions, it had been a little hard for the team to spend very much time with her. Bucky himself was often a bit of a loner in his free time, preferring to hole up in his room with books and movies rather than go out for drinks or another karaoke night. And yet, he found himself feeling eager at the thought of spending a relaxing day with the new recruit, getting to know her a little, hearing that funny little laugh through her nose.

“Sounds great, Rookie - what did ya have in mind?”

**********

“Okay, I just wanna go on the record and say I called it. I called it!” She’s grinning. “I knew you would love this.”

“Well, hey, in my defense, I’ve never hated beautiful women.”

She just rolls her eyes, kicks her feet out to rest on the coffee table in front of them. There’s a pile of DVD’s, all hers, laying across the surface, picked through and ranked in order of what was most important for Bucky to see. His film education was obviously lacking, considering he missed out on 70 years of movies, and didn’t even know what he liked anymore, so he was content to let her pick. After raiding the kitchen for an array of snacks, they settled in, opposite ends of the same couch with a bowl of popcorn and dark chocolate M&M’s between them.

Approximately 20 minutes into the movie, Steve appears, just passing through for an apple from the fridge. He stops in his tracks behind the couch, the crunch of the fruit in his mouth just above their heads.

“What is this?” he says around his mouthful. If his Ma could see him now, Bucky thinks.

“It’s called ‘How to Marry a Millionaire’ - came out in 1953,” she answers, smiling over her shoulder at him. “It’s one of my favorites honestly.”

“That’s - that’s Lauren Bacall!” Steve perks up, smacking Bucky’s shoulder.

“Yeah, punk,” Bucky rolls his eyes. “Betty Grable’s in it, too.”

“No shit!” Steve is grinning now, and he gives the rookie a conspiratorial look. “Y’know, Bucky used to have her pin-up poster. The one in the white bathing suit? Had it in his suitcase when he shipped out.”

“Oh, really?” She’s looking at him now, eyes sparkling at the rosy blush climbing up Bucky’s cheeks. “Betty Grable, huh?”

He clears his throat. “Well, everybody had that picture, I mean...it’s famous for a reason. All the boys had ‘em.”

“No, no, I get that,” she shrugs. “I just had you pegged as more the Rita Hayworth type, that’s all.”

It takes him back for a second, Steve too, that she knows these starlets, that they could’ve been having this same conversation 75 years ago. He can see that look in Steve’s eyes, sly and knowing as they slide towards him. Bucky works his mouth, tries to control his smile.

“Well, nothing wrong with her either,” he drawls, spreading his arms along the back of the couch. “But did you see Grable’s legs?”

“I just thought you might’ve had a thing for redheads!” she laughs.

“They’re alright, I guess - now Dugan on the other hand…”

Neither of them notices Steve leave the room, tossing the apple in his hand and a huge dopey grin on his face.

**********

“Tell me again what the recipe says?”

“One cup of pumpkin puree.”

“Oh - shit, I thought you said one can.”

She smacks her forehead. “No wonder the batter is so goopy!” She rolls her eyes playfully. “You’re trying to ruin my bread, Barnes.”

“I swear I’m not, doll - it was an accident.”

“Okay, new plan - we just make a double batch since the can has two cups in it.”

She shuffles around behind him, grabbing her flour and sugar and sour cream and other ingredients, hands flurrying to measure and fix the dough. It’s mid-afternoon now, a couple of movies down, and they (she) decided they needed to get in the fall spirit by baking a ridiculous amount of...breads. The banana bread is already in the oven, the pumpkin will be on its way as soon as she fixes his mistake, and a blueberry bread (made from muffin mix) is next on the list.

“But...what’s so special about making it into breads?” He had asked, causing her to look at him like an idiot.

“Ask me that again after you try them, Bucky.”

So he shut up and cracked eggs and sifted flour, stirring when her arm got tired. He was already regretting his words now that the smell of the banana bread was drifting towards him from the ovens, and he had to admit the pumpkin and cinnamon from her bowl was making his stomach growl. With all the bowls and measuring cups laying around, they were making enough sweet breads to feed an army, but hey - the Avengers are practically a small army of their own. And besides, Bucky intends on taking an entire loaf - baker’s privilege.

He decides that he likes watching her work, bouncing around the kitchen, some oldies playlist on the speakers, her tongue poking out between her lips. She’s got her sweater sleeves pushed up over her elbows - he had to help with that, after she got dough on them. This song is good, too, and he wants to ask her who wrote it-

“Are you gonna stand there staring at me, or are you gonna help?” she quips over her shoulder. He has no idea when he last smiled so much.

“You’re the boss, Rookie.”

**********

She’s got her feet in his lap now, and they haven’t said a word in an hour, and Bucky doesn’t even remember taking his last dose or two of his pain pills but he doesn’t feel a goddamn thing.

There’s a huge book in her lap, Stephen King - a favorite, he’s learned.

“I read at least one of his books every year in October,” she tells him. “You know, to get ready for spooky season.”

“Spooky season? What the hell is that?”

“You know, Halloween time!” she smacks his arm. “It’s Halloween first, Buck, you gotta get in the spirit.”

“I’m -” he sputters, face drawn in the most adorably confused look. “Halloween first?”

She hands him a book of his own and now here they are - he’s 20 pages into The Shining, but he’s stopped paying attention because she’s yawning behind her book and her eyes are fluttering shut, and it shouldn’t be as distracting as it is.

He forces his eyes down to his own page, to Jack Torrance and haunted hotels, but they’re drawn back up when her book finally drops the rest of the way to her lap. Her head slumps sideways onto the back of the couch, mouth open just a little. He draws the blanket down around her feet and tucks it in a little tighter, but other than that, doesn’t move a muscle. He’s just fine right here, thank you.

He’s sinking in again, driving up the twisting mountain road to the Overlook, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. Carefully - in the way highly trained superspies can be careful - he lifts his hips up and pulls his phone from his pocket, managing not to dislodge her feet or wake her up. She merely sighs in her sleep, nuzzling her face into the couch pillow. A text notification from team group message lights up the screen.

It’s Natasha. A photo, a photo which she somehow managed to take without him knowing, of him and the rookie, practically snuggling on the couch and reading together. Her legs are propped over his lap, and Bucky’s eyes are staring straight at her over the top of his book. Nat has captioned the photo: “looks like Barnes found a good nurse.”

He snorts a little. Natalia. Glances up at her, still sleeping, and tilts his phone upwards a few degrees and snaps a picture to send back.

“She sleeps on the job” he types, thumbs still slow on the phone keyboard. Instantly, his phone starts buzzing with more texts from the team, but he mutes it and lays his phone on the coffee table. He doesn’t feel like talking now. Well, talking to them.

“Hey...Rookie,” he whispers, reaching out and shaking her shoulder a little. She hums in her sleep, but makes no other move.

“Rookie, I gotta ask you something.” He wiggles her leg a little, shaking her feet in his lap, and whispers her name. He’s rewarded with her eyes fluttering open, her mouth drawn down in a pout at being woken up.

“Whatisit,” she sighs, still slumped into the cushions. He clears his throat. Here goes nothing.

“So, there’s a charity gala for the Stark Foundation coming up next weekend,” he starts bravely. “And - and the whole team is going anyway, so I know you’re gonna be there, but - well, maybe you would consider going...with me?” Courage runs out, and his brain backpedals. “I mean, just as a friend?”

She huffs. “I can’t believe you woke me up for that.”

“Oh.” He looks down, hair falling in his eyes. “So...you don’t want to go with me?”

“Of course I’ll go with you, Barnes,” she sighs. “Now shush. I was napping”

His face hurts from the stretch in his cheeks when he smiles. He’s gonna give Bruce those pain meds back.

[soobrat]

lost n’ found || Beomgyu

𝕤𝕞𝕦𝕥, 𝕗𝕝𝕦𝕗𝕗, 𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥

t o  s k i p  s t r 8  t o  t h e  s m u t  l o c a t e  t h i s  d i v i d e r:

★ 𝔹𝕖 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕪 ★:

v long

handcuffs

mentions of injury/blood

toxic friends & boyfriend

cunnilingus

female!reader

this was a request I took way too long to deliver T_T

-

day one - heartbreak

For a new cop, seeing a girl walking alone at night with gashes in her arms was extremely off-putting. Beomgyu immediately pulled over next to you before rolling down the window.

"Do you need a ride?"

"Please." you reply, void of emotion.

You were really silent during the ride, the only noise in the car being the GPS sounding off directions. Beomgyu had to ask. You might still be in danger.

"Are you okay? Will you be safe once I drop you off?"

"Yeah, the only thing that's putting me in danger is myself."

Beomgyu gripped the steering wheel. Well at least you weren't being stalked by a murderer?

"What happened?"

"I really don't wanna talk about it." You shifted closer to the door, staring out the window. Beomgyu adjusted his mirror to keep an eye on you.

"Are you sure? It might feel better to get it off your chest-" He was interrupted by you thudding your head against the window and groaning.

"I'm sorry, I just- I really don't wanna think about it. It physically pains me."

That's when Beomgyu remembered. Your gashes. Looking at them now up close, they were worse than he thought.

"You need to go to the hospital."

"I really don't want to." He watched as you cringed, recalling the events.

Beomgyu sighed before making a very loud (and illegal) u-turn.

"H-hey! What the fuck-"

-

Beomgyu and the nurse waited in anticipation for the explanation for your gnarly injuries. Beomgyu should've left a long time ago, dropping you off was enough, but he was intrigued. In a weird, probably morbid way.

You shifted on the hospital bed uncomfortably.

"Well, I was out drinking with... friends..." you felt hesitant when referring to them in that way.

"...And I dropped my drink and shattered it. One thing led to another and I ended up slipping and falling onto the glass."

The nurse gasped, "Oh wow, I can still see some in your arm. You must be in a lot of pain! Did you hit your head at all?"

"No." You looked sullenly at the ground. Beomgyu noticed the smudged makeup and dried tears down your cheeks. You looked exhausted.

"I'll go get a doctor." The nurse scurried off, keen on easing your pain as quickly as possible. The weird thing was, you didn't look like the gashes in your arm were bothering you. Beomgyu sat in the chair next to your bed.

"Did your friends do something?" You were silent, still silently looking at the ground.

"You don't have to tell me, but I just thought maybe you'd wanna get something off your chest."

A tear rolled down your cheek as your lip quivered.

"If you need any help legally I could help you out-"

"No." You shook your head, wiping away the tear with your wrist.

"That's not necessary for this situation."

Your depressed state was starting to cause pain to him. You just looked so miserable.

"Sorry." Beomgyu whispered.

"For what?"

"Whatever they did to you. Your friends, I mean."

"And boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend now." You laughed, void of any actual amusement.

"My best friend of 4 years was keeping me busy for some odd reason. I caught on to it and tried to leave and find my boyfriend, but she was stopping me. Once I broke free from her I saw my boyfriend of three years who she set me up with, making out with my best friend since middle school. Things got heated, I was so angry, angrier than I had ever been or ever thought I could be," The rage in your eyes was the most emotion Beomgyu has seen you have since he met you.

"Were they plotting against me? I don't even fucking know, but all I know is that I was tired of all the bullshit spilling from those assholes and I threw a glass. Now everyone was looking at me, and without context I felt the whole room turn against me. I went to run out and I slipped on the drink and onto the glass. The whole room gasped, then a couple people laughed." Your eyes were flickering around, feeling them burn as more tears threatened to spill.

"That was the smallest I had ever felt in my life."

"Fuck those people!" Someone yelled on the other side of the curtain. You laughed pitifully, but as you looked over at Beomgyu, he was frowning.

"That, doesn't even sound real. I'm so sorry you even had to deal with human beings like that. Like he said, fuck those people." You nodded, wiping away the tears that slipped.

"You'll get over them in no time."

"No, fuck time. Time means nothing. I spent all that time investing in those people, just for them to spit in my face."

Beomgyu didn't know what to say to that.

"I guess you have a point."

- day eight

It had been a week since you met that police officer. You never got his name. He was such a nice person, and also amazingly handsome. Who ever bags him is extremely lucky. You, on the other hand were still dealing with your ex that you'd broken up with multiple times keeps showing up at your apartment.

"I don't like her at all! I thought that I would like her more than you but I just don't. Every time I was with her all I thought of was you."

"You sound like an idiot Kevin, do you not hear yourself? I want nothing to do with you. I'd sleep easy knowing I'd never see you again."

"You don't mean that! I don't believe that you got over me that fast, ___. We were just in love a week ago!"

"I was. You weren't. You were too busy thinking about Nancy to be in love with me." Now he was forcing you to think about things you didn't want to. You'd be lying if you said you didn't still have feelings for him. He was making it a lot easier to get over him each time he did this though.

"You don't even know what you're talking about right now!"

"Alright then enlighten me. What was going on between you, Nancy, and Joowon, huh? Were you guys plotting something behind my back? And for how long? Oh and after I fell and made a fool of myself? You didn't even care to check on me? Drive me home? Since you love me so much?" You balled your fists, ready to spill everything.

"___, lets go inside and talk." Kevin tried to grab your arm but you yanked it away from him.

"No lets let the whole complex know how much you loved me, and how much I should take you back!" You probably looked like a crazy person with your eyes wide and nostrils flaring.

"You're gonna get the cops called on us!"

"Do you know how many stitches I had to get? I was in so much pain not only physically, but emotionally!"

"And I apologized to you!" You felt your blood boil.

"Sorry won't give me my 10 years back! 10 years of Nancy's toxic behavior towards me and I never gave you or her anything but love. You knew how much she hurt me!"

"Sorry to interrupt, but we've gotten multiple noise complaints-" The man stopped mid-sentence. You were still staring dead at Kevin. You chest was heaving, face hot, tears threatening to spill. Man, were you tired of feeling like this.

"I told you! Look officer, we're sorry for causing any trouble. I'm her boyfriend-"

"No you're not."

The blunt statement caused you to finally tear your eyes away from Kevin. It was him, the cop from that night.

"Excuse me?"

Beomgyu turned more towards Kevin, a smile on his face.

"I know for a fact that you're not this girl's boyfriend." He extends a finger towards you. Kevin crosses his arms over his chest.

"And how do you know, Officer Choi," Kevin pokes his nametag, "that she isn't my girlfriend?"

"Because he's my boyfriend." You pipe up, smiling just as smugly at Kevin as the cop was.

"Bingo." Beomgyu smirks at you with a wink. Kevin turns towards you.

"Really? It's only been a week, ___. I've known you for three years and I'm not fucking stupid. What's his name?"

"Choi..." You looked towards the cop.

"Beomgyu."

"Beomgyu! My boyfriend's name is Choi Beomgyu, thank you very much." You were just having fun at this point. Seeing Kevin be that flabbergasted at the act you were pulling was beyond satisfying. It was his turn to be infuriated.

"This game you're playing? It's gonna get you fired. You're claiming my girlfriend? While we're still in a relationship?"

"Ma'am, is this man bothering you?" Beomgyu ignored him and turned towards you. You put on your best concerned face.

"Yes sir! He's been stalking me for days and won't go away." You rush over to Beomgyu and cling to his side in feigned fear. Kevin's arms flopped to his side in defeat. He rolled his eyes.

"Really? This is just childish now."

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave before you get yourself into trouble."

Kevin already had the fight taken out of him from arguing with you.

"Grow up, ___." Kevin spat before finally leaving.

When Kevin was out of earshot you looked up at Beomgyu. He was peering around the corner at Kevin. When he turned back to look down at you, you realized you were still latched to his side. You quickly removed yourself clearing your throat. You looked back up at him with a smile.

"That was very relieving." You bursted into laughter, recalling the events that just unfolded. He was trying to hide the fact that he was chuckling.

"It was cruel but yes, very." He shook his head. After the laughter subsided, you couldn't help but stare at him. Damn, he was a work of art. A perfect human being maybe?

"Hey, do you wanna come inside?"

"I do want to but... I'm still on the clock. I look forward to seeing you again, ___." The corner of this mouth perked up as he left you there.

And see you again he did. He adamantly refuse to pursue you romantically.

"You're still getting over Kevin." He says. You didn't really care right now, you just wanted Beomgyu. No, you wanted to feel Beomgyu. And you let him know that.

day fifteen

He was over at your place, sitting across from you at the dining room table.

"Are you in a relationship?"

"No! I've told you this." Beomgyu reminds. You rolled your eyes.

"Then let's date." You cocked your head to the side, waiting for his answer. He just sighed and picked up his glass of water.

"I'd love to, not any time soon though."

"Fine," You slap your hands onto the table,

"Make me cum then, please." Beomgyu nearly choked on his water.

"___!" He clears his throat, setting down the glass.

"No strings attached, I'm just asking you to help me release some stress, my hands are tired."-

He never answered verbally that day. On his way out you just asked him to bring handcuffs if he was down. So a couple days later your opening the door to Beomgyu.

day eighteen

He brushes past you and sets a bag down on your coffee table. He pulls a pair of fluffy handcuffs out.

"What the hell are those?"

"They're more gentle on your wrist. They're made for sex." You shoulders drop as you look at him with puppy dog eyes.

"What if I want that extra pain?" You pout as those naughty words left your lips. Beomgyu sighed before taking the real handcuffs out. You gasped excitedly. You clenched your thighs imagining the cold metal against your skin. Then the two of you locked eyes. That's when you realized who this was happening with.

Everything was happening so fast that you didn't register who exactly you'd be having sex with. This was like a dream come true. You felt your body ignite as you walked toward him. You throw your arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss. Your lower regions react positively to his scent and touch. You arch into him as he wraps his arms around your waist. You wrap a leg around his waist, trying to gain as much friction as possible.

You whimpered as he pulls away. He grabs the handcuffs and moves to the bedroom. You follow him eagerly. When you enter behind him he slams the door shut before grabbing you by the throat. He pushes you onto the bed.

"Sit against the headboard, quickly." He began stripping his shirt off. As you settled against the headboard, you watched as he unwrapped his amazing body.

"Arms over your head." You obeyed, eager for the cuffs. You felt goosebumps erupt over your entire body as he closed them around your wrists.

"Now be a good girl and watch." Beomgyu sinks between your legs, his nose slightly brushes against your clit. You shuttered as his breath fanned across your womanhood. His tongue darted out, firm as it navigated your sensitive folds and clit. You wanted to keep your eyes on him as he worked his magic but all you could manage was to throw your head back. You let out a guttural moan, tugging against your restraints.

"Mm... it feels so good." Your balm coated lips glided against each other silkily as you pursed them. You go to clench your thighs but he pries then back open. He gripped the flesh of your thigh as he dips his tongue into your entrance. Chills run up your legs and he rakes his fingernails down your thighs. His marvelous tongue causes your stomach to tighten much faster than any other experience you've had.

"Hah- I'm c-close Beomgyu!" You raise your hips up from the bed, clenching your fists tightly. Beomgyu lifted his head from your heat, inserting two digits into you. Your hand lurch forward, shocked by the sudden fullness. You go to thrust your hips and meet his hand but he holds you down. He begins rapidly pounding his fingers into you.

"Say my name again baby." He was breathless, chin glistening. You felt like a dam was close to breaking.

"B-Beomgyu please!-" You squealed as you clamped you're thighs shut. He was just about to pry them back open when liquid came gushing from your core. Your eyes rolled back, biting your lip as your legs twitched. You whimpered loudly as Beomgyu kept finger you vigorously, milking everything out of you.

"P-please stop! Mmph-"

Beomgyu complies, wiping his fingers off on his pants. He began crawling over you to un-cuff you. He holds your wrists in his hands with a frown. You look up at him in absolute bliss before giggling.

"Damn." Your head falls to your left, just wanting to sleep as you were. Beomgyu was still focused on your wrists, massaging them.

"How do you feel, are you less stressed love?" He moved his gaze from your reddened wrists to your hooded eyes. You nod tiredly, a peaceful smile gracing your features.

"A little less, yeah."

-

day twenty-three

The first thing Beomgyu did every time he saw you was grab your wrists. He brought them closer to his eyes and examined them. He frowned.

"They still haven't healed?"

You glance at your wrists then at him and chuckle.

"It hasn't even been a week Beom." Your smile wavered a bit as you watched his face. The way he was looking intently at your wrists as he massages them. Your eyes rake over his features, taking in every crease and pore. You felt your cheeks flush, it's difficult to look away from him. His presence, you noticed it caused a warm cozy feeling. It gained more depth each he visited.

"You're staring, love." You we're shaken from your daze. The smile on his face was nearly splitting his face in half. It made you smile just as bright.

"Hey I don't think Kevin would be too happy about you looking at me like that."

"Who?" You shot him a genuine look of confusion. He responded with one of disbelief. It took only a couple seconds for you to realize your brain fart.

"Oh!- shit" You slapped yourself hand over your mouth, snorting.

"You were being serious?!" Beomgyu keeled over, bursting into laughter. You slapped his shoulder, pouting. He rose back up, tears in his eyes.

"As funny as it is, it's a great sign for your well-being I'd say."

You smile at him, cheeks almost pushing your eyes closed.

-

day thirty-two - realization

You can't stop thinking about him. It's not just in a sexual way either. His beautiful smile, his scent, the tender embraces, his laugh, his fingertips, his lips, god- his tongue. His taste, his nose, his eyes, his skin.

You could feel your heart beating against your ribcage. Your chest rising and falling at a quicker rhythm than usual. You purse your lips and shut your eyes.

Where is he? You had to see him.

Are you at home?

Yup

Cool, what's your address?

Why?

You were close to saying something about how unfair it was that he knew yours but you didn't know his... but no, it's serious.

I need to see you I want to come to you

Okay love ❤️

-

You kept trying to swallow but your mouth and throat were dry. It was terrifying waiting for the door to open. You were about to knock again when the door swung open. Your eyes must've sparkled when they laid upon Beomgyu. You felt like you were gonna burst. He pushed himself outside, still holding onto the door.

"What's wrong?"

"I love you, Choi Beomgyu." You felt your eyes burn. He looked shocked, you kept talking, a bit scared of what was to come.

"I-it's really sudden, I understand that. I've never said I love you this quick to anyone, but I know I love you. So I'll ask again if you'll please be my boyfriend?- hey!" He picked you up and swung you over his shoulder. He kicked his front door closed before plodding towards his room. 

He sets you down gently on the bed, immediately climbing over you.

"Yes, of course I will. I love you too, ___."

His lips meld with your so softly. He caressed your face in his hands as his tongue swiped across your bottom lip. His thumb stroked your cheek, pecking repeatedly at your lips. Your noses bump each other as you tilt your head, deepening the kiss. You snake your arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. You feel his bulge push into your thigh. You moan into the kiss, his tongue finally slipping into your mouth. Your tongues glide against each other, plush lips brushing against each other also. You grip the hair at his nape as you push your hips upwards into him.

He moves his hands down your body, caressing each curve and dip. He slides your pants and underwear down to your ankles, disconnecting the kiss. You whine, watching as he disrobed. He slowly lined himself up, brushing the tip against your folds. You sigh and move ever so slightly to gain more friction. He interlocks his fingers with yours before finally pushing past your entrance. You let out a strangled moan, squeezing his hands. He nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, leaving sloppy kisses up the base of your neck.

He thrusted forward, pushing himself in deep as he spread your legs farther. A strangled moan was pulled from your body in response. His bit harshly into his bottom lip. He finally gained a rhythm he was confident in. Sweet, firm kisses were trailed up your jawline, comforting you through the pressure. Once you felt comfortable you locked your legs around his waist. You raised your hips in sync with each of his thrusts. He rested his forehead against yours, breath fanning against your face as he panted. Your moans were rhythmic in reaction to his hips meeting yours.

He pressed his hips down flat against yours. The action caused his member to go burrowing deep inside you.

"Mmph!" Your arms fly around his shoulders, biting your lips. His head moves back into your shoulder as his rhythm gets weaker. His knees fail him, causing him to lay flat against you. He begins grinding up into you, chest flush against yours. You fuss and whine, orgasm so close yet not at all close enough. You dig your fingers into his back, feeling absolute bliss as your clit rubs against his skin. Your breathing picks up.

"I'm... I'm right there." You pant out, eyes rolling up into your skull. You wrap your legs tighter around him. Your hands flailed, trying to find something- anything to hold onto. His thrust were getting heavier as he grunted louder and louder. You clench the sheets as your orgasm rocks through your body. His hips snap spastically as your core sucked up every drop of his orgasm.

The embrace the two of you shared didn't waiver. In fact, you held him tighter.

"I love you." He said again. You smiled, stroking his broad shoulders. The exhaustion suddenly overcame you. Your arms drop from his body.

"I love you too." You mutter, barely audible. He scoffed, pushing himself up on his forearms.

"Say it better than that. Hey, don't  flop to the side."

You giggle as he poked at you.

"Let me sleep heathen!" You hide from him under the covers.

day fifty-one

You wrap your arms around Beom's left bicep. It was so comfy, but you knew he had to get up for work.

"Don't go..." you whine, already accepting that he had to go.

"I'm sorry love," he pulled away reluctantly. He pulled his shirt off, walking to the bathroom. You're half over him leaving watching him in that state. He stops just before opening the door, exclaiming as if he remembered something.

"I forgot to tell you, Nancy got arrested the other day. Turns out she got in trouble while driving or something? I think she didn't have her re-"

You shot up from the bed. "Hurry up and get ready. You're doing god's work, you saint."

[haich-slash-cee]

I luv emotional comfort in books

and IDK if y’all are aware but romance books are prime for this. So, my prose reading includes: Speculative fiction, #ownvoices type books that are middle grade YA ish, and also random romance novels that are inclusive. I’m going to go over why these books are great.

Speculative fiction (ie scifi, fantasy, horror): I just like these. These are my jam. I have a whole tag of mild horror for this blog, and most of the books I talk about on this blog are spec fiction.

Middle grade books: they have happy endings, they are short, they are easy to read, they are often diverse. V good.

YA books, New Adult books: also written in an easy-to-read style. Also, MG and YA books and I think New Adult tend to be more on top of inclusive representation. Or maybe that’s what I hear about and read more of.

FYI, things get potentially more angsty in these older reader books. Sometimes I’m up for that drama-filled YA book about a trans demi-boy artschool teenager in NYC, or I want to read about the teen mom who wants to be come a chef and she gets everything she wants and it’s great and I cried. Or, sometimes I just wanna curl up with a warm and lowkey MG book about a young Syrian refugee who wants to audition for a school play. (All these books have happy endings fyi)

(Also, I know I’m about to extoll the virtues of romance books.... but if, in fact, you prefer your books to be low/null on romance and stuff: first, there is a growing # of aro ace protagonist or oriented books, whooo! Also, often MG and some YA New Adult books fall into that category of “Characters are concerned about things besides a crush or love interest”.) 

Romance books: I don’t actively go looking for them, but occasionally an #ownvoices type romance book will show up in my radar and I’ll read it.

Having just actively pointed out that I appreciate ace aro ish books.... why romance books?

First, Romance book are legally required to have a happy and optimistic ending. That might not be the exact phrasing, but basically: you can’t call it a romance book if it’s not “happy ever after” or “happy for now”. So if you pickup a book with minority characters and it’s labeled “romance”? The minority characters are guaranteed to be cherished and loved and have a happy ending. Minority characters will be told “you’re amazing, you are loved, I am so happy when I am with you”. Which is revolutionary in its own way.

Also, when there’s so many books with themes of “Bury Your Gays”, “The PoC will Die for the White People”, “This Author Wants to you Connect With this Minority By Making Them Die Because That’s The only Way to Make a Minority Character Relatable?”, “Women Being Happy Is Too Weird Apparently?”, “This Gender Minority Needs to Suffer For Reasons and this Book is Written By an Outsider FYI and the Representation is Suspicious”, “While racism and pain is a part of PoC and minority day to day life that is not realized by majority groups, and minorities should speak up when they want to because they are often discouraged from speaking due to white fragility and systemic stuff -- I have questions when I see writers from a majority group writing about Minority Suffering, especially when imposed as Minorities Suffer And This Can’t Be Changed Narrative, because that is a very convenient narrative for an oppressive system, as it enforces that Things are Unchangeable and Oppressors don’t have to do the work to change a system that benefits them, and this narrative needs to be challenged", “Minority Characters Suffers, Suffers, Suffers.... Look, I need a break from reality, I just can’t read this right now”, and finally, “Did you know that ‘diverse’ books are popular, but it’s still white people making money from writing issues of PoC, while BIPOC authors are still only like 7% of the market and BIPOC writers are very aware of this gatekeeping happening in publishing?”.... Happy minority characters and also actively reading and supporting minority-author’d books is a thing to be discussed. (Link, link, link and link to publishing industry reports on the 2nd point.)

Also, romance books are generally character driven, and character driven stuff is my jam.

H/C: There’s like, sooo much emotional comfort in romance books, y’all. People are showered with love. People are vulnerable and comforted and happy. Listen, I just read “Wrapped Up in You” by Talia Hibbert and it was basically was two solid hours of this. Literally. And a few cats show up. Also, the writer put a note in the front of the book about some possible triggers in the story, assured that she handled these as lovingly as she could, and that this books was meant to be a Christmas comfort read. (It was.) I really like when published books put info like this in the front.

...Occasionally there is straight up physical h/c or whump or at least sick fic scenarios in romance? Like, I expect piles of fluff and emotional comfort from romance. It’s almost a legal requirement. I’m here for these saccharine piles for fluff. Anyway, there’s more physical h/c than I expected.

So I was reading “Let’s Talk About Love” by Claire Kann (which has a young Black woman who is Ace and falling in love in the most adorable way, fyi... so we have ace rep in romance books too!) Anyway, y’all, there was a whole section which was basically a sickfic for one character with cooing and nursing and worrying by another character. It went on for a while. Personally, I thought the illness sounded pretty dang serious here and I think these people should have just gone to the doctor or a hospital, maybe, instead of days and days of home nursing and convenient character backstory exploration through looking at photo albums. But this is fiction. (Also they are young adults and are struggling for money and maybe they’re afraid of healthcare costs, idk. It takes place in the US.)

Actually, while I have admittedly not read too many romances, I feel like half of the books I have read include a “uh oh the protagonist/love interest just got the flu, the other character has to take care of them” scene.

Also, once I was reading a romance story and someone just... fell off a cliff? And cue subsequent expressions of feelings from other character and spending time together etc. IDK why I’m laughing, it was just funny that I had a vague idea of what romance books were, then I read this book and thought, “People are just straight-up falling off cliffs and limping around and later they can’t move from a bed and someone fusses over them, wow, there is just straight up h/c in these published romance books for ladies and no one talks about it, huh”

[trying-write-fanfics]

Shouji Mezo X Reader part 25 Remember.

The next day Shouji got a text from Midoriya asking to meet at the pool for endurance training. So he stopped what he was doing and met up with his class to join the fun. Apparently the girls got approved for just having fun on their application for the pool, but Shouji didn’t really mind, he figured increasing his endurance was important to his skills.

“You’re looking toned.” He told Ojiro.

“I’ve been living at the gym this break.” Ojiro replied. 

It all felt like what they should be doing, in their free time training to become better heros. The sun was out, the class was together, it seemed normal. Like he could forget the USJ events or the mall attack. That he could have a U.A. student life without villains ruining it whenever they get a chance. 

“Where's your girlfriend? I bet she wouldn’t wear a school uniform bathing suit.” Kaminari asked/teased.

“Y/n is at a doctors appointment to get approved for the camping trip.” Shouji explained.

“So you are dating?” Kaminari asked.

“If you say so.” He replied being vague as could be. 

“C’mon you call her by her first name! That’s gotta mean something!” Kaminari said.

“I thought it was because she didn’t want to be mistaken for her father? Ojiro asked.

“I thought she just liked her name a smooth, sensible-“Mineta said but got hit in the back of the head by Shouji. 

“Does she call you by your first name?” Kaminari asked.

“No.” Shouji said.

She could if she really wanted to, she was just the first to set the boundary she didn’t want to be called by her last name. 

“You’re giving me nothing man!” Kaminari complained.

Y/n sat in the car with Aizawa in the back while they had someone drive them. Midnight also joined them just in case. They looked like an odd family,  but a family no less. 

“I don’t know why you can’t just take me to my mom, she studies quirks, I bet she can help.” Y/n sighed.

“We tried contacting your mother, but she never called back.” Midnight explained. 

“Sounds like her.”

“You think your mother would give you the truth?” Aizawa asked. 

“The harsh truth! That was her parenting style sometimes. You know when I wasn’t good at sports.” Y/n said. 

“I don’t know, you seem like you could be good at sports.” Midnight said.

“I’m not a fast runner.” Y/n explained with air quotations. 

The trio made it to the doctors office. It was going to be a thorough check up and all three knew that. 

“Oh wow, normally only one parent comes with their child….” the lady working at the desk said. 

“We’re not together-“ midnight said.

“These aren’t my parents.” Y/n said.

“We’re her legal guardians.” Aizawa explained, calming the situation. 

“Well, you just need to fill out these forms.” 

Y/n sat between the two adults as she filled out the paper work. 

“Hey, I need some privacy because I smoke weed and I don’t want you yelling at me.” Y/n said.

“You took a urine test when you first arrived at UA. You wouldn’t even have the chance to smoke weed since you’ve came to our school.” Midnight told her.

“I just wanted to look cool in front of the doctor. I just wanna know how bad it is if my dad’s friends chief up all the time.” Y/n said. 

“What else do you have left to fill out?”

“If I’ve been pregnant in the last six months, I’ve had like a million food babies.” Y/n said. 

Aizawa took the paper and returned it to the front desk. This was one of his hells. He chose a profession to take on guiding students, but not delinquents. She didn’t have a passion to do well in his eyes. Now he’s tasked with being her parent. 

“You guys can wait in examination room 7.” A nurse told them.

Midnight and Y/n went into the room while Aizawa waited outside. 

“That’s me after I eat fast food.” Y/n pointed to a health poster with a pregnant body. 

“You’re in rare form. You’re taking yesterday’s events well.” Midnight said. “Are you in young love?”

“Young love?”

“Young love!” Midnight got hyper. 

“I mean maybe, I don’t know, it’s too early to tell.” Y/n got paranoid.

“Who is it! Tell me!” Midnight went on. 

“It’s you!” Y/n lied.

“Why you have to play me like that? Come on we’re both girls, chat with me.”

“There are more important things than crush talk.” Y/n said.

“What do you wanna do for your future.” Midnight asked.

“I mean I think he’s cute.” Boy talk it was. “And tall.”

Aizawa met an eager doctor.

“Is this the (last name)‘s girl? You’re not pulling my leg eraser head?” The doctor asked. 

“It’s her, I need you to pay attention to anything that seems out of the ordinary.”

“I know there is. I’ve met with Dr. (last name) before, she always had a dead look in her eyes. Is it really safe for us to be checking her out though?”

“She won’t attack on purpose. For the case we need proof, not just gut feelings. If y/n does get uncomfortable, I will have to stop the check up exam.” Aizawa stated.

“Narrow it down for me so I can troubleshoot  any diagnosis better.”

 So Aizawa explained what he knew of the girl’s quirk. He didn’t know what her quirk was before the alleged experiments, but he knew the quirk was hard on the girl. 

 It started small, they took her weight, blood pressure, heart beat, then they updated her shots she needed. Her ears and eyes were checked. Everything was being recorded, then x-rays were taken. Y/n sat alone while the doctor returned to the two hero’s outside with the findings. 

“I found something that can strengthen the case.”

[omgokiguess]

wow guys i just got out of rehab today

first of all. it was so terrible except for some of the people there. but also a couple of the people there really sucked too.

the staff was TERRIBLE. they were literally so mean and power hungry. i was friends with basically every patient (except for the few shitty ones) and was really nice to them.... like i took in this innocent 20yo girl who started calling me her big sister and i helped this 21yo girl so much with her anxiety..... like i took care of everyone that i could and i stuck up for everyone that the staff treated like shit. and the staff was so fucking rude to me. the whole staff said so many times “we have no problem giving you extra phone time/computer time to take care of things like work, aftercare, legal problems, financial problems, etc” but literally every single time i asked to call work or call my lawyer or anything i got a no. it literally took me two full weeks to get things straightened out with exelon and i literally got let go from anthro because they would just not let me get on the phone so that’s cool. i never once was able to speak to my lawyer or my pre-trial officer. neat. also i got in a pretty heated fight with this one bitch employee who told me i was disrespectful because i asked her superior to open the laundry room for me because i had my period and needed new underwear out of the dryer. we were like screaming at each other and she ended up being sent home for four days. two guys actually ended up leaving randomly and left all their shit including their phones and wallets. that’s how bad the staff was.

the doctor was really good and knowledgeable and helpful and i really liked him. he was really chill. but i do have to say he really was pushing meds on not just me but everyone. i didn’t get on any meds though, and honestly one of the nurses congratulated me for not getting on meds when i left. i thought it was fucked up that i was the only person not on meds. we’re just alcoholics.... there’s no way we’re all fucking psychotic or something. nobody was on less than 2 meds besides me and i would say the average number of different meds was about 4 for somebody my age.

the staff just really frustrated me. it’s rehab so obviously there are a lot of rules for the sake of having rules and i honestly did not have a problem with the rules even though a lot of them were very silly. like you would not find me complaining about the unhealthy food, the fact that they said the gym would be open certain hours but was actually never open because they were “understaffed,” that our bathrooms were locked from 7:30am - 9:30pm and 25 people had to share two toilets, that there were essentially no covid-19 precautions, that somebody checked where i was every 15 minutes, that smoking a pack of cigarettes a day is okay but the juul is not, that i had to get the actual doctor to approve me using contact solution or allergy medication, or any other stupid thing they enforced. i literally only complained about the fact that i couldn’t talk to my employer(s), couldn’t talk to my lawyer, couldn’t talk to my pre-trial officer, couldn’t figure out my aftercare, couldn’t call my therapist, and that the staff spoke to me like i was either an idiot, a delinquent, or like i was a bitch.

i did put up one little stink though. this bitch that worked there, if we were in our rooms, when she checked on us she didn’t knock she just fucking opened up the door, so i decided to just chill in my room and read in the nude one day cause i knew she would just open the door without knocking... and wouldn’t it be fun for her to have to deal with the sight of my entire bush..... so i went for it lmao. she told the entire staff that she walked in on me LOL and the “director of operations” (this woman is truly a dumb cunt) asked my roommate, who was a 45 year old MD from lake forest, if she wanted to switch roommates (???) and dr. nancy my hero was like “um no i actually lucked out with erin and also diana should learn to knock.”

anyway, nancy and brittany my two fave people, left on the same day which really sucked but whatever. then sam left which also whatever... i loved her too. and then..... oh god i hate to admit this so much.... but then michael came in. he made it in 3-ish days before i left.

i literally have NO IDEA why this would be, but okay the protocol is before you go to rehab you go through alcohol detox in the hospital, so i was an inpatient in the hospital for 5 days. i slept through most of that because they put me on valium for those 5 days so that I wouldn’t experience the hells of alcohol withdrawal. i’m glad i was asleep for most of it though because there was nothing at all to do, they had like 3 different crossword puzzles and no TV but as it turns out..... i wasn’t in the alcohol detox section of the hospital.... for some reason they put me in the psychotic wing..... there were only 6 patients total in that wing and i was the only person living in reality. one woman escaped the hospital because she thought her husband was telling her to leave, and the other 4 men were handcuffed to their beds. i was the only person in there with any sense of reality, and i had gotten there in the middle of the night so i was unaware of other wings in the hospital. on my last night there, they moved me to “2 north” aka the normal alcohol detox wing, which probably had 100 people in it. so in the morning we all had breakfast together and i was like WHAT THE HELL..... I COULD HAVE MADE FRIENDS HERE.... and that’s when i met michael. i knew him for like a full 90 minutes total in inpatient but we were literally instant best friends. we met because some old men were telling me jokes trying to get me to laugh and he was sitting nearby and he was like “so how old are you like 35?” and i was like “you’ve got to be kidding me fuck you....” and he was like “yeah lol i’m kidding” and i was like playing back, like “so how old are you like 45?” cause he looked about 30 and he was like “yes” and i was like okay bullshit so he showed me his hospital band and it said 45..... and i was like okay this is ridiculous. anyway he had been to the rehab i was going to before so he told me about it and he gave me a note for sam and i just thought he was really cool. he was getting ECT treatments which is “a treatment most commonly used in patients with severe major depression or bipolar disorder that have not responded to other treatments. ECT involves a brief electrical stimulation of the brain while the patient is under anesthesia.” aka it’s literally where they put those diodes on your brain and shock you. he got 16 treatments. i thought he might end up back in rehab with me. but he spent like 2 full months in inpatient which is super abnormal, almost everyone is there for exactly 5 days like me. anyways

so michael shows up right before i leave and the big question is WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME...... i spent like 3 days with him nonstop and we can probably all see where this is going but.... this dumbass of course falls for him....???? there were some cuties in rehab and i had NO INTEREST in any of them but idk michael is just kind of.... the personality i’ve been looking for.

couple problems. 1. i have a boyfriend. 2. michael is 5′6″ .... (???) .... 3. i cannot get his fucking stupid smile out of my head and i’m hoping i was just sexually deprived for weeks and this is just a dumb thing BUT

idk my boyfriend like made all these promises of things he was going to do for me while i was in rehab and he kind of didn’t follow through on any of them. i really basically only told him and my sister that i’m going to rehab and my sister lives in boston and so i kind of assumed he would do the things he promised he would do, which clearly was stupid on my part. i can’t rely on him. i should have learned that by now... if i want something done i have to do it myself. i didn’t even ask very much of him. he basically promised four things. 1. he would take care of my guinea pigs. 2. he would check on my car to be sure it doesn’t get impounded 3. he would clean my room before i get back and 4. he would bring me the stuff i need (contact lenses to fucking see, hairbrush, tampons, other necessities) since they wouldn’t let me leave hospital care between detox and rehab. the only one of those he did was take care of my guinea pigs, which is essentially nothing because he goes to whole foods every day and his MAID cleaned their cage.

and idk, we were allowed 10 minutes of combined computer and phone time a day (which is literally nothing), and i always called him and ignored the computer because i thought he would want to hear from me and i would want to hear from him too, but at least 30% of the time i left phone time upset and crying. i mean i was turning my whole entire life around and it took him 13 days just to check to see that my car wasn’t impounded, and he had the audacity to complain that he was overwhelmed with all the stuff he had to deal with on my behalf even though it was literally just feeding my guinea pigs and then he had his own work shit. i suspect he’s taking more adderall than he should again. but i can’t even complain. his dad found the lawyer that may end up saving my life. 

and anyway. he never ended up cleaning my room (he wasn’t even gonna clean it himself, he was going to hire someone to clean it and he couldn’t even do that even though he promised. i don’t need it i just kind of thought he was gonna keep his promise), and it took him 5 days to bring me the stuff i need. i kept in one pair of dailies for 5 days (i wore my last pair over from detox) and went blind for 2 days. my rehab was only 20 minutes from his house, a straight shot on the never-crowded 294. i left him with all of my debit cards and pins too, and bank logins so that he wouldn’t have to pay for anything i needed. 

and idk then when i talked to him, whenever i complained about rehab he would just kind of be like “this is why you should have gone to PSI” which is where he went to rehab for marijuana.... which costs and arm and a leg because his dad will pay for anything for him and he doesn’t understand that i’m paying for this myself. and i didn’t want some cushy rehab. i mean yeah i didn’t want the staff to be such a load of cunts but i didn’t want his cushy frilly rehab experience. i would have really liked my program if there had just been better people working there. and he wanted to talk about my sobriety so much and like.... i don’t want to talk about it with him. idk in his head i think he thinks i’m taking his exact same journey and like i’m NOT. like it’s not even the same drug. he acts like he totally understands and it’s like... yes there is a lot he understands but there’s a lot that’s different and there’s no way ANY two patients ever went through the exact same thing, ESPECIALLY when it’s different drugs!!!!

and i’ve been with him since about 1p today (he was late to pick me up, it was supposed to be noon, which he promised he wouldn’t be late, and him being late was also something i brought up a lot in rehab because it caused me so much stress..... i just KNEW he was gonna be late and it caused me a lot of anxiety and i told him this so much and he was still late) (and anyway the point here is).... i’ve been with him since 1 and he just keeps saying weird stuff about alcohol. which is EXACTLY why i didn’t want anybody to know i was going to rehab. like after eating hospital food for weeks i wanted to go to a nice restaurant and most nice restaurants serve alcohol.... which is FINE like i was not gonna drink.... but he kept saying things like “we probably shouldn’t go to a pub” or “lake forest food and wine hmm better not go there” and it’s like..... i’m fucking HUNGRY i purposely didn’t eat the hospital food because i wanted to eat good food and it took us till 2:30pm to get somewhere because he felt the need to beat around the alcohol bush.... and every time alcohol came up in conversation (which just HAPPENS because that is how life is....) he’d be like oh sorry shouldn’t mention that and it’s like I CAN HANDLE IT..... i literally finally said to him “wow I’m so glad I didn’t tell anyone i went to rehab because if everybody talked to me the way you’re talking to me that would make me want to drink”

and also right before i went to rehab i told him i was afraid i wasn’t going to like him anymore if i was sober. and boy was i right. and adding michael in did not fucking help. i told myself i would never like somebody fucking shorter than me but i can’t fucking help it. i’ve never liked people for their looks anyway and his personality is just fucking perfect. i can’t get his voice and his smile out of my head. and i trust him to be sober. i really do. this was his first relapse in five years, and he only spent one month drinking before getting help. and i think we could be sober together. 

idk maybe i was just so sex deprived that i was just horny or something. i don’t know.

i start online intensive outpatient tomorrow at noon. this week i have it wednesday thursday and friday but it’s gonna be different every week and somebody is going to at least speak with me every day. i’m doing it through derek’s practice and i told him to make sure i have a lot of homework.

i’m not sure how or when i’m going to get back to work. i don’t even really care though. i can always get another job. and after talking to my sister and working through some therapy at rehab, i almost think it’s best to move anyway. i think it would really help me to get away from my parents.

idk. my life is just so in limbo right now. i can stay on FMLA leave for 3 months and on my upcoming court date, that will mark one month. i think it might be wise to use the whole three months. it also might not be wise though because i need things to do. maybe if i could just get back to anthro.....

anthro terminated me in the weirdest way and i think my lawyer can get my job at anthro back for me with a simple letter. that might be the best thing for me right now. 

not to mention.... i haven’t been back to my apartment yet but.... the gold coast has been destroyed. i don’t know what i’m going back to at this point. this is really sad sad sad to say but i don’t think i will be living downtown chicago anymore, once i find some other solution or once this lease expires, i’m leaving. maybe i’ll stay in chicagoland but probably not. if i do stay in chicagoland i’m gonna be living in the suburbs. but i think it only makes sense to get out of here. i think it makes sense to go to the southeast. florida or atlanta or north carolina or virginia. california is always on the mind too but to move there i think i need to be really really confident in my sobriety.  

[bibliophilea]

Five Minutes and Forty Two Seconds

For the Phic Phight 2019, organized by @currently-lurking and @ibelieveinahappilyeverafter.

ao3 | ffn

Prompt: "WHY DOES NO ON TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT THAT AFTER DEATH PEOPLE HAVE SEVEN MINUTES OF BRAIN ACTIVITY AND A DUDE HAS LITERALLY DROWNED AND BEEN DEAD FOR LIKE A DAY AND WAS RESUSCITATED AND LIVED??? IT COULD EXPLAIN PORTAL OR MAKE SOME HECKA GOOD ANGST OR HAPPY ENDING..." - @whosvladagain

TW: Character Death (Not Permanent Though), Mild Suicidal Ideation, General Creepiness

Word count: 1311

Five minutes and forty two seconds.

That's how long the man had been dead on the operating table, according to the doctors.

It was supposed to be a simple surgery. Relatively noninvasive, but just invasive enough that they had needed to put him under for it. But something to do with an allergic reaction to the anesthesia or something or other had caused some complications.

That's what they'd called it - "complications". We are required by law to inform you that there were some complications during your surgery. An undisclosed allergic reaction resulted in some complications. Some complications with the surgery killed you for nearly six minutes.

Whatever. In the end, it just meant more paperwork for the man to fill out. One more thing on the list of his medical complications to remember.

A few years ago, he might have freaked out over the implications. He was legally dead for several minutes, after all. But he lived in Amity Park, where the dead walked and wreaked havoc among the living on a daily basis. It was hard to worry about being dead when he knew he'd probably get up the next day. And he wouldn't have to go to work. And he'd be able to fly wherever he wanted. He swore, ghosts had it lucky. If not for his own laziness and his attachment to good pizza and fine wine, he'd probably be a ghost himself.

The world said he could rest when he was dead. He sighed. Well, he had gotten five minutes and forty two seconds of rest. He supposed he could wait a bit longer before he could relax for good.

Five minutes and forty two seconds.

It was a miracle the patient had survived.

Upon cardiac arrest, the surgeon barked for someone to bring in the ectopsychologist. You couldn't be too careful in a place like Amity Park General. And as they had discovered in the years since ghosts had started appearing, a psychologist on hand in the hospital was a must.

Thirty three seconds. A wisp of ectoplasm began to form above the doctors attempting to resuscitate the patient. The nurse spotted it first, calling its attention to the surgeon.

"Keep an eye on it," she told the nurse. "Let me know when it forms a mouth."

The nurse nodded his assent, eyes fixed upon the wisp.

Fifty seven seconds. The wisp had grown into a mass about nine inches in diameter, its glow giving the room and the doctors and the patient a sickly green tinge.

One minute and three seconds. The mass had formed a mouth. As the nurse opened his mouth to tell the surgeon so, an unearthly groan emanated from the mass, making the surgery team pause for a second as they collectively suppressed a shudder.

"Mouth formed, ma'am."

"Alright. If it speaks or moves, keep it talking until the ectopsychologist gets here."

One minute and fourteen seconds. The mass stopped groaning. It opened hazy red eyes, staring up at the ceiling.

What the... The words were garbled, as if heard through a filter of static and noise.

"Hello," the nurse said. His voice was low and calm, soothing to the ears of the living. But the ectoplasmic mass didn't seem to notice him - it just remained above them, staring at the ceiling.

This was typical of newly formed ectoplasmic masses in the hospital, though - they rarely noticed or understood their surroundings at first, however loud or chaotic they may have seemed to the living. More often than not, they fixated upon a single feature of the room - the rhythm of the heart monitor, a crack in the ceiling, or the reflection of light on a saline bag were common fixations. The trick was to keep them fixated until the ectopsychologist got there.

One minute and forty three seconds.

I should... go to work... The mass began to float towards the ceiling.

"Hey!" the nurse cried, snapping his fingers. The mass stopped. Slowly turned around to stare at the nurse's fingers. He snapped them again as the ectoplasmic mass began to turn towards the ceiling, directing its attention back to his fingers.

Two minutes and fifty seven seconds. The nurse was still snapping, and the ectoplasmic mass was still staring. The nurse had started to hum a tune to go along with it - it sounded like a shanty of some sort, with the way it swung and swayed and repeated. The surgical assistant was bouncing to the beat. The surgeon was not.

"Where the hell is the ecto- oh, here you are." The surgeon glanced up as the door burst open, a short, skinny woman with thick glasses bustling through, still pulling on her gloves.

"Yes, I'm here. And I see you've kept the patient here as well, good good." The ectopsychologist's voice was high and reedy - jarring to those in the room who were living, but it captured the attention of the ectoplasmic mass.

The... patient? The hazy red eyes of the ectoplasmic mass were staring at her, transfixed and curious.

"Yes, the patient. That's you. Do you know where you are?"

No... but... I need to go to work... The ectoplasmic mass began to turn back towards the ceiling.

"No, hun, you took the day off, remember? For the surgery?" The ectopsychologist took a step closer, and her reedy voice echoed in the room. The ectoplasmic mass fixated upon her once more.

Oh... yeah... the surgery... that went well, right? Just a simple procedure they said...

"Well, not exactly. You see, the surgery's still happening. You're having what we call an out of body experience. And we need you to move your consciousness back into the body."

The ectoplasmic mass stared confusedly at the ectopsychologist for a moment as it processed what she had said.

Still... happening?

"Yes. You are having an out of body experience. We need you to move your experience back into your body to continue the procedure."

The ectoplasmic mass stared at her for a minute.

Oh... okay.

Four minutes and fifty eight seconds. The ectoplasmic mass began to float towards the body of the patient.

Five minutes and ten seconds. The ectoplasmic mass touched the chest of the patient. It hesitated for a moment, before beginning to phase into the patient's body.

Five minutes and thirty seven seconds. The ectoplasmic mass had disappeared completely into the body of the patient.

Five minutes and forty two seconds. The heart monitor began to beep regularly. The nurse let out a sigh of relief. The surgeon closed her eyes for half a moment, before returning to her work.

"My work here is done," the ectopsychologist stated firmly, before walking out the door.

Danny's ghost sense went off as he was passing the city bus stop. That was weird. He kept walking, but searched the skies. Maybe a ghost was flying above him on its way to somewhere else. His head turned upwards, he didn't notice the man walking towards the bus stop until he had bumped shoulders with him.

"Oh, sorry d-"

"Watch where you're going, kid!"

The man glanced back at him in annoyance, and for an instant they seemed to glint bright red. But then the man looked away with a huff, still walking towards the bus stop.

Danny stared at the man's back for a moment, perplexed. Did he just-

"Wow, that was rude." Sam raised an eyebrow at the man's back.

"Yeah, man, you can't, like, expect people to pay attention all the time!" Tucker's nose was buried in his PDA.

Danny turned back around, grabbing Sam's arm to turn her around with him, and Tucker's arm to keep him from walking into the street.

It was probably a trick of the light or something.

[xuhoon]

how you met: Jeonghan

hey guys thank you for your patience! i did a last minute switch, meaning i finished this one before my other one (who is next dont worry). my lovely friend @seventeen-teen-teen-trash and i went back and forth with some of the dialogue and i just had to write it! 

fluff, aged up, i love yoon jeonghan, 1843 words

Yoon Jeonghan is a prestigious doctor specializing in insomnia.

You started having trouble with sleep in college, hoping it was just stress or a messed-up sleep schedule. Unfortunately, the trend continued after you graduated. Your regular doctor recommended Dr. Yoon after he was unable to pinpoint any other issues.

“Y/n?” the nurse asked into the waiting room, “Dr. Yoon is ready to see you now.”

You were a little nervous, a new doctor’s office was always riddled with anxieties of sickness. But, you were also relieved to know you were about to receive the best help.

The nurse brought you to an empty room while you waited. She asked you typical doctor questions like height and weight, and then left you alone to wait.

“Alright, Y/n Y/l/n, I’m Dr. Yoon. So! Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself? What’s been the problem?”

“Well, this all started back in college and I thought it was just stress.”

“But?”

“It’s still here, my sleeping problems.”

“That’s what I am here to help with!” He smiled brightly as he asked you deeper questions about your lack of sleep and settled on diagnosing insomnia. He went on to explain more things that had been happening to you without you sharing. You felt like he read your mind. The whole first consultation was relieving.

“Now that we’re up to speed on everything, I want you to try some homeopathic remedies before I put drugs into your system. I’m going to prescribe, and yes this is a real prescription, some chamomile tea and these sleep aid pills you can find at any homeopathic store. I just want to try these first so we can ease you off of them and you can sleep normally. Hopefully, they work. If not, no worries, we will give you a stronger medicine.”

“Wow, thank you, Dr. Yoon,” You were so thankful that you were on the road to recovery.

“Hey, no problem! I’m glad I could be of service. I’ll write you a prescription for one week, and then you can come back and tell me how things went, okay?”

Surprisingly, everything Dr. Yoon recommended helped a ton, and you were finally sleeping again! It was a miracle that he helped.

Unfortunately, there was one thing standing in the way of a perfect remedy.

The night before your next appointment, you got no sleep. There was something—no, someone, on your mind. He was tall, had glistening honey skin, a slimmer face, and styled chestnut hair. He was absolutely breathtaking. How could your new doctor be so gorgeous? No one was allowed to look that good.

Instead of dolling up to see him next, because doctor-patient relationships are forbidden, you had no energy or motivation. You didn’t care how much of a mess you looked, but you did have to go for your follow up appointment.

The same beginning to your appointment followed like it was being directed on cue cards, all until Dr. Yoon walked in.

“Y/n, welcome baaAAH? What the heck happened to you?!”

“It’s nice to see you too, doc.”

“I thought they were working wonders!!”

“Keyword: were.”

“What decided to change?” Dr. Yoon felt awful, he hated to see things go awry. His voice was laced with a sympathetic sweetness that attached itself to your heartstrings.

“I had a thought last night, and it kept me awake.”

“Oh, okay, well, it’s at least on the good side of things. This is an external variable that we can easily fix. What was the thought of?

“Well, um. It was this guy.”

“Oh, are you seeing anyone? That could be counteracting the calming effects of chamomile. Our hearts racing like we’re teenagers again, very common in the world of no sleep.”

“Um, no, no, I’m single, not seeing anyone. Living alone.”

“Y/n, were they a celebrity? Someone you know?”

“I know them, not well, but I know them. He, um,” you trailed off, trying to avoid admitting it was the horribly gorgeous man in front of you. “He’s horribly gorgeous and just popped into my head last night but now I can’t stop thinking of him.”

“He sounds like quite the catch, huh? But I thought you weren’t seeing anyone?”

“I’m not! It wasn’t my choice to become infatuated with your stupid beautiful face but here we are,” Oh no.

“W-what?”

“I uhhhhhhhh…”

“Isn’t that ironic?”

“Extremely.”

“Your sleep doctor is ruining his own prescription, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, and I need to not have that happen.”

“There isn’t anything to tell you to make it easier, only that I can’t date a patient.”

“No okay see that isn’t helping because you’re giving me false hope and I need to sleep better but you’ll just stay in my head.”

“Let’s get you better so you don’t have to be a patient anymore.”

“Stop flirting with me!”

“Hey! I’m just incredibly charming, that doesn’t mean I’m flirting. I do want to help you recover.”

“You weren’t flirting back?”

“Oho no I totally was, you’re incredibly beautiful. However, I cannot go any further while you are my patient, is that clear?”

“Yes sir…” those words came out shakily as you felt his authoritative professionalism.

You could feel your cheeks heating up as Dr. Yoon finished writing something down.

“Alrighty, well, since the previous treatment worked,” He eyed you before continuing, “Let’s continue with that. If you have any concerns, please call our office.”

With a final warm smile, he left the room. The familiar nurse returned to usher you back to the waiting room as you see the long doctor’s coat slightly lifted by his tread. Your heart was performing an all-out gymnastics routine, but it was important to stay professional.

On your drive home, all you really wanted was for the method to work. It’s not good to fall in love with your doctor, it’s not good to even think about having a crush on him and his perfect bone structure. Screw him for being attractive!

As the week continued, the method started slowly working again, and you were able to distract yourself with everyday life.

The good news, you thought, was that you didn’t need a prescription to get the sleeping aids. Dr. Yoon was trying to be cute and it worked.

It had been a month and a half, and you had gotten a rhythm down to normalize your sleep schedule. However, he lingered in the back of your head. Out of everything, you wanted to get to know him better. You hadn’t spoken since your last appointment. There was no need to.

Of course, that was the last time. But you were not prepared for when Dr. Yoon approached you at your favorite coffee shop one morning before work.

“Y/n, fancy seeing you here!” His smile was as sparkly as you remember it.

“Oh, Dr. Yoon, hi.”

“Please, we’re not in the office, call me Jeonghan.”

“Jeonghan,” you repeated in a sweet tone.

“Care to stay a while?”

“We both have work to go to.”

“Okay, maybe not today, but what about another time?”

“Didn’t you say something about staying professional?”

“Yes, but you haven’t come to see me in quite some time. I’m guessing you’re feeling better?”

“Fine, I’ll update you another time… over coffee?” You circled your thumbs over each other, nervous to hear his response.

“Yes! Yes,” He cleared his throat, “Um yes, cool, cool, it’s not like I was hoping for that.”

“I’m off work Saturday if you are.”

“I do have to go into the office until noon, so we could maybe meet up after then?”

“Should I fill out some paperwork for this?”

“Nah, I think you should maybe change doctors though. I mean, I can always help but like… not, um, legally?”

“Are we the next Bonnie and Clyde?!”

“I don’t know about you but I need to keep my job and my license so please no, let’s keep things legal.”

“Alright. So, this Saturday? Here? What time?”

“As soon as I get off of work, I’ll come to see you. I… I’m really happy I get to know you now.” His usual cool, yet bold, demeanor was replaced with something similar to an excited puppy.

You had just enough time to get to work, but you didn’t get much done today.

Saturday rolled around soon enough, but you were nervous like always. He’s shown interest in you, and it scared you.

You exchanged numbers in case something came up, but you took silence as a good thing. You decided to text him just to let you know you had arrived, but he walked in before you hit send.

“Ah Y/n, there you are! I left a little early because I was so excited to see you.”

“Excited?”

“Yeah, um, let’s sit down.”

“It’s like you’re about to tell me you’re pregnant. Are you okay?”

“It’s funny, I had the same problem as you.”

“Okay good, you aren’t pregnant.”

He laughed, a very ethereal laugh really. “No, I am not, are you?”

“You think I got knocked up in a month?”

“Y/n, I’m kidding, I know you aren’t like that.”

“So, Jeonghan,” you stressed his name a little, “what seems to be the problem?” You did your best doctor voice and he erupted in giggles, holding himself by the table.

“You’re really cute and funny, did you know that?” He composed himself, “It’s you, you’re the problem. Your horribly gorgeous face keeps me up at night, and I’m a sleep doctor!”

In all honesty, this was the last thing you thought he would ever say to you. Repeating your word vomit when you were working on no sleep the night before? That’s the look he remembered? The shock on your face spoke the words that couldn’t come out.

“I know what you’re thinking, ‘why would he remember that time I was an absolute walking zombie and flat-out said he was gorgeous?’ yeah I know it’s hard to believe that’s when my heart did flips but it did.”

He took a deep breath before continuing, “Listen, y/n, maybe we both will sleep better knowing we have a date coming up?”

“Aren’t you bold Dr. Yoon? I never thought you’d ask because of professionalism.”

“You aren’t my patient anymore and I’m 100% sure you won’t file a lawsuit against me because of my horribly gorgeous face and charming personality.”

“Are you like this with other girls?”

“Subtle flirting as banter? Sometimes. Actual interest and pursuance? No. I’m serious about you, Y/n.”

“Okay, why don’t you prove it?”

“Dinner, tonight, anywhere you want to go. My treat.”

“Sounds like a deal, Dr. Yoon.”

“Please call me Jeonghan, your date for tonight.”

“Okay ‘Jeonghan your date for tonight,’”

“Gosh, you’re so cute. I don’t think my heart will calm down until I see you next.”

“Wow, you are in deep! But, I mean, same… pick me up at 6?”

“I’ll be there.” Jeonghan sweetly grabbed your hand to plant a kiss on the back of it, making you blush even more thank you already were.

[careerbitespod]

Episode 2 Transcript: (NURSE) Turning Setbacks into Success with Kim Ceccarelli

Rachael Barksdale: Welcome to the Career Bites podcast where we make career exploration easy - and fun! This week, I explore a career that has been front and center in this pandemic - nursing. I am so fortunate that my guest took time out of her busy schedule to speak with me, given that she is not only a full-time nurse, but also a mother to a toddler and expecting her second! Kim Ceccarelli is a progressive care unit (PCU) nurse in Oregon, but the path to get there wasn’t an easy one - and for Kim, the journey isn’t over yet. I hope her story will inspire you to persevere as you embark on your own path. Here’s my conversation with Kim.

A lot of people are watching the news and seeing all of these nurses talk about the COVID situation and personally, having worked with a lot of nurses when I had my first kid almost a year ago - nursing is really intense! I personally super admire anybody who’s a nurse or wants to be a nurse because I know I don’t have what it takes. Why did you choose to go into nursing?

Kim Ceccarelli: So the starting point, I mean in high school I always had like, you know, that career that I wanted to get into. But I never understood why I wanted to be in it. I just knew that it was something that I really liked being a part of because I always volunteered at the hospitals. My first volunteer gig was at the - like in the medical ICU at Madigan which is on the Fort Lewis military base back home in Tacoma. And I just always admired the work ethic, the way they interacted with patients, just how sharp they were, too, and just how much the doctors and the pharmacists always turned to them. But then it’s like, I always admired them but then I wasn’t sure, like what is it about me that could contribute to this area? And then the turning point happened while I was in college, still trying to figure out my path. I bounced around a little because life was happening, and one of those major life events was that my grandmother who - who lived with us - she was having issues with small strokes and whatnot, but she had the big one while I was on holiday break. And that scared the...the dickens out of me and...but you know, high school because I had to work in a hospital as a volunteer, I had like CPR skills and whatnot, but I just turned her to her side because she was having the stroke, and eventually she had a seizure, which I didn’t know all that connected at the time, and had to call 9-1-1. And that was a really scary situation, you know, having a personal loved one go through that. And again, it was the nurses in the emergency room who calmed us down, and her down, as well as my mother who was sobbing tears, you know. It was the nurses - after the doctors explained things in confusing medical lingo, that the nurses made more sense about like what the imaging was, what medications they were giving, how long she might be there. And then it was the nurses who, eventually when my grandmother went into hospice, they took such good care of her toward the end of her life that just being involved with it even just indirectly, like on a personal level now, was like “I want to be that for other people”. And so, I persisted and - but that was kind of why I chose to be a nurse.

Rachael: Wow, that is super inspiring. And, what a crazy way to get into that, to have your grandmother have that experience.

Kim: Mm-hm.

Rachael: That’s scary, but sometimes it’s those really intense life moments that push us down a certain path. So, you mentioned some of those things that nurses did, they were the ones that explained what was going on in terms you could understand, they were the ones that were comforting...If I were to shadow you during one of your shifts, what are some of the things that I would be experiencing?

Kim: We work 12-hour shifts, maybe other places do 10 or eight, but mainly in the hospital it's a 12-hour shift. We see you first thing in the morning. We’ll take your vital signs that range from your blood pressure, charting down your heart rate, measuring your respiration - so as you’re talking, we will not tell you that we’re measuring how much you’re breathing but we’ll do it very discreetly - we’ll check your blood sugar if that’s what we have to do. And then we kind of just do, like a little mini assessment, like head to toe, ask you your pain levels and whatnot, ask if you slept well if you were there overnight. And then just kind of review as to why you’re in the hospital because it’s always good to know what got you there in the first place. And I have a lot of patients, too, that don’t understand why they’re in the hospital either because of old age or they’re altered because of whatever their condition brought them in for, so we kind of just have that routine to kind of go over like “where is the patient at?” And so after I do my assessments, I usually check-out meds. Typically we have like these 8 or 9 o’clock medications that need to be given - that’s either stuff that they’ve been taking at home if they were taking, you know, maintenance medication, and anything new like that brought them there that they have new orders for, medications for. I’m always seeing how the patient’s doing, seeing if they have the strength to even sit up on the edge of the bed, if they can even swallow or drink well, if they can even take their medications at all. We are like a stroke unit too, as well, so I’m always trying to ensure their safety and make sure they don’t choke on their pills. And then a big chunk of my time lately is charting. At least for my unit, we have to chart like every four hours, and then even more frequently if we’re monitoring the trajectory for a stroke, or if they just got out of surgery usually it’s like every 30 minutes to an hour, just depends on what they’re there for and what kinds of protocols and procedures are in place for that kind of thing for charting. I’m always on the phone, too, if I’m not in a patient room, either mediating care with the nurse managers, the care coordinators. Sometimes these patients’ primary care clinics give us a call for an update. Sometimes I’m talking to hospice organizations if the patient is going that route. Then, I’m talking to the physicians, I’m talking to all the therapists - physical, speech and occupational - just asking how the patient’s doing. I’m talking to all of the imaging departments because we have to coordinate times for x-rays and CTs and MRIs, all that kind of stuff and...I feel like I’m always mediating when I’m not in a patient room. And sometimes, depending on family dynamics, I’m talking to a handful of family members who are okay to get information, because we do have confidentiality laws, but I mean if I’m able to talk to a family member - if it’s okay with the patient or if they’re a power of attorney. Some families like to call throughout the day and some just want a quick update first thing in the morning. I mean all that makes for a really busy day. Then you get things like, that blindside you, like codes or rapid responses, or just like a change in health status that takes all of my attention. 

Rachael: It sounds like you don’t have any down time whatsoever, which I think for some people is great, they want to be busy. And that’s good to know for some people that - they’re considering nursing but they need those breaks. I mean you’re going 12 hours straight. How often do you do your 12-hour shifts in a week?

Kim: Yeah, so, I mean, if you’re 12-hour shifts in a hospital typically it’s three days a week. You can have those either all consolidated into three days in a row which is very tiring, but I mean, if you’re young and you can do it - kudos. But even at 30 I’m like “oh my gosh I am so exhausted”. And usually that first day off after three days, which is like 36 hours in three days, but then you account for like, you know, getting to work and staying late sometimes because of charting, or like something happened at the end of the shift. Sometimes it is 40 hours in three days.

Rachael: Wow.

Kim: Which some people don’t seem to understand when they’re like “oh yeah, you only work three days a week that must be really nice” but if you have all those days clumped together, which a lot of hospitals make you do, it’s...it’s rough. 

Rachael: Right, it’s just the super-concentrated work week, that’s what it is. 

Kim: Oh yeah. I mean, I will say, a lot of my lulls happen like at 2 or 3 o’clock. And I will say also that I’m super fortunate that I’m part of a hospital that has a union that fought for breaks. Breaks are legal, we’re supposed to have your three 15-minute breaks and a one 30-minute break. Some places don’t necessarily do that. I’m not going to, like, name-call or anything, but that’s kind of the consensus in nursing that people just go without their breaks, and that that’s just normal. But that’s not normal and it’s not safe for patient-care or for nursing staff. Yeah, luckily I am in a union that fought to add an extra nursing position to have what we call a “break relief nurse”. So I - I fortunately get all of my breaks. So that makes a huge difference in my day. 

Rachael: That’s awesome.

Kim: I feel really grateful to have that. 

Rachael: One of the questions I had written down here to ask was how you felt about these ongoing concerns, you know way before COVID pushed every hospital to the limit, about the nursing profession at large having nurses overworked and underpaid, culturally kind of under-appreciated. They’re sort of the teachers of the...of the medical profession, you know, they’re completely essential and yet, unfortunately, disregarded in a lot of ways. I guess, do you want to elaborate on...on your thoughts on that or how you’re seeing the situation from the inside?

Kim: Even before I started working as a nurse, during my clinicals in the two years - two, three years before becoming one - yeah, I just wondered, like, when is my preceptor going to have her break? Like, what’s in place? You go 12 and a half hours almost, thirteen or fourteen depending on what goes on, and I’m like, “this shouldn’t be a culture that’s accepted like this”. We need to feel more appreciated by management. So, I mean, it’s hit or miss, I haven’t worked at a place that doesn’t have a union or - I mean, most of the area hospitals in my, in my state do have unions except for maybe one, but breaks and management of relief for these nurses is pretty standard or at least it’s trying to be the standard. But no, I just, I just don’t think like that culture of not having your breaks and going for 12 hours straight should be accepted and I...I definitely signed the papers to, you know, have that be considered in a contract of ours at work. So it takes a lot of advocating and fighting for ourselves to make sure that we get that respect and those breaks. 

Rachael: For sure. So nursing, again, this really intense profession, takes a lot of your time, what would you say would be the top three attributes for someone who’s successful as a nurse?

Kim: One is you need to have a strong backbone. Not all patients are very nice. They will say really mean things to us. Sometimes they don’t even want to be there because maybe a family member brought them in out of concern, or they didn’t understand why they were going because they’re so confused. And you know, in altered states some people can be really combative and whatnot. But we have to have a really strong backbone to just not take those kinds of things personally. Some people are just really sick so they just say some really mean things because they’re vulnerable, and we have to realize that. And so I always say, like, you have to meet the patient where they’re at. So that’s why I do that little review at the start of my shift, which includes introducing myself and reviewing their course of care, and what to expect for the day. And then, second is to never act like you know it all because nursing is an ongoing learning process. And even though I precept and train new hires, or new graduate nurses, like three years into this, I - I still feel like I’m always learning, even new procedures alongside the doctor like just - supplies, I’m like “oh, I’ve never heard of that kind of catheter or whatever” - but it was a preference for a physician and that makes the procedure go easier like for paracenteses and whatnot. Yeah, so it’s always being willing to learn, too, and always accepting advice even from older and newer nurses just to receive their input, because I feel like you’re not going to go anywhere if you’re not willing to learn more. And then another attribute is - I know you mentioned earlier that nurses are underpaid or - but it depends on where you work, hospitals do get the highest pay and such - but that’s not what influenced why...and so we should always reflect and acknowledge that getting into nursing is so much more than just the pay. But it’s because you legitimately want to care for the people that are kind of under your wing. And because they’re going to be from all stages of life, all walks of life, they’ll be at a different stage in, like, their illness either toward the end of life or maybe they just found out something, you want to have the compassion and the empathy for people who are going through these trying times. Especially now in light of COVID. 

Rachael: I’m going to take a step back then and let’s talk about how you got to nursing in the first place. We talked a little bit about this before the call, about your unorthodox education path to get to this point, so walk us through that. After high school, what path did you take and what did you learn after going through that process?

Kim: Yeah, for sure. So like I said before our call started, I went and did, you know, the four-year college route, because, you know, that’s all that was kind of ingrained into us in high school, like “go to a four-year college”. So I went. I discovered that I’m not a really great person with studying or I didn’t have like a really good study ethic cemented for myself. Life also happened, like I said, when I was a sophomore in college my grandmother had that stroke. So I was in and out of the university campus helping my mom set my grandma up for, you know, the different areas of healthcare that she needed, like hospice and dealing with the emotions of that. So life happens. I ended up getting a degree out of Gonzaga in psychology because that’s what I ended up changing my major to. It was nursing at the time, but because of life I had to change it. And I actually had an advisor that told me that because of one low grade that I shouldn’t be a nurse. So even though I had, like you know, that turning point in my life that inspired me to become a nurse, I also had someone who told me not to. And that was - that was me saying “I - I’m not going to listen to that”. Why would an advisor say, “you shouldn’t be what you’ve always wanted to be”? So that was definitely a driving force too, but you know I persisted because it was really truly what I wanted. And I - after Gonzaga I had to take a few prerequisites just to kind of, you know, get that A-grade or to really solidify my knowledge in that area, especially anatomy and physiology. And then applying to nursing school was a whole other ball game. Nursing schools are very competitive. They usually have really really large application pools for a small cohort. For example, the school that I eventually got into, there were 600 applications the year that I applied, but they only took, like, 80 students. Which feels like a lot, but out of 600 applicants that’s not a lot. And the applicants for these nursing schools, it’s just so large at any of the schools that you look into and so...It took a couple years to get into this program, but again, persistence was the name of the game for me and I was like “I am not giving up”. So in that time that I had to reapply, and ever since I got out of Gonzaga, I knew how important it was to start working directly with patients. So I worked in assisted living facilities, I worked in skilled nursing homes, I worked with patients in memory care - and honestly, the care that my grandmother received inspired me to look into these areas so I understood what she was going through when she eventually had to be out of the home. Yeah, so I went through to do a two-year associate's degree. A two-year associate’s degree still allowed me to sit for the national licensure exam, called the NCLEX. That in itself was a - that was a doozy and I spent like seven weeks straight just studying and honing my ability to take tests. Because that’s really what it is, it’s like how well can you take a test? The information you learn in school was honestly enough to help you take the exam, but you really had to hone in your test-taking skills with that. I got licensed on my first try. You hear as nurses that “oh, someone passed it the, like you know, the minimum amount of questions”, which is 75, like their thing shut-off. Because I have to work extra hard at everything I do I feel like, I finished at like 115 questions. And the exam can let you take as many as like 250 questions for this licensure exam - so I felt good, and you know, it was a really hard two or three days to wait, but I got - I got licensed by the state of Oregon and I was extremely happy with myself. All that hard work of, you know, working and being rejected initially, my - my grandmother’s passing, like all that really culminated into that one moment where I read the email saying “Congrats! You are now a licensed nurse”. It was a very tearful and joyful moment. But I still pressed on, like even though I just got licensed I felt like I didn’t really have time to celebrate because I was looking for a job. And then even after I started a job I still needed to get a Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing because that was kind of the minimum degree to have in hospitals especially. So...and I wanted to make sure, you know, I covered all my bases. So my first year that I was working I worked nights, three times a week for the 12-hour shifts, and at the same time I was attending an RN to BSN program at Oregon Health and Science University. That was for an entire year, so three-quarters - I got my holiday breaks and whatnot. And that focus was very different from my associate’s degree. My associate’s degree was very hands-on learning, was more about pathophysiology, pharmacology, how to do assessments, like things to look for, like practically basically. But OHSU taught me about more in-depth on nursing leadership, epidemiology, community health concerns and that kind of stuff - which I really liked. Some people maybe were like “oh, that’s not very different from like the ADN” but I really thought that that helped me hone in my critical thinking skills as a registered nurse, and I was very appreciative of having that opportunity to go to OHSU. Because the nice thing is this RN to BSN program partnered with my community college and seven others in the area that allowed associate’s degree nurses to transition to this program without having to competitively apply. So it was like a nice, seamless transition to a BSN program so that we could get more BSN graduates in the workforce. Because they - there was something from the Institute of Medicine or whatnot that said that they’re trying to get like a certain percentage of nurses with their BSNs in an effort to improve patient care. Which I think is cool, so that’s nice to have in our area and I feel very lucky to have that. 

Rachael: To clarify, you don’t need to have your bachelor’s degree to become a nurse, you only need to have a two-year degree and pass the licensure exam, correct?

Kim: Mm-hm, basically. And an associate’s program can let you do that. But the hold-up is is that most hospitals, or most health systems, they’re trying to phase that out almost so they’re trying to make the minimum requirement to even apply to have a bachelor’s degree. Which it makes it confusing because it’s like “well, why do we have all these associate’s degree programs?” But one, it’s inexpensive compared to like a four-year college that offers a BSN, and it honestly I feel like it makes it have better access to nursing, just getting the education that way. 

Rachael: So you mentioned you went right into a four-year degree program and that didn’t work for you...Would you recommend to potential future nursing students to go the associate’s degree route? 

Kim: If time and money are important factors I would say, bring out the money if you know exactly what you want at 18, to go for that four-year degree. But if, like, money is an issue then going the community college route to get like your prereqs done and finding a program that has a nursing school, like an associate’s degree nursing program, to go that route, just to save money. It really depends on what your priorities are and what your financial capabilities are, too, to going to school - because no one wants to have loans. So you have to do what’s best for you financially too. And a bachelor’s program I’ve found, some people - the ones that I’ve gone to school with - was a little harder to look into because I felt like they wouldn’t be able to get the childcare, whereas the community college I went to, they provided childcare whilst kids were in class. There was an on-campus kind of, like, childcare program that was available. So it really depends…

Rachael: Do you have other future education or career aspirations going forward?

Kim: Even when I got my associate’s degree my sisters always joked with me that I will forever be in school or aspire to forever be in school. Which is kind of funny and true at the same time. Because I really do want to get the highest terminal degree and get that satisfaction of saying that I did it and that I’m doing this for myself, but I’m also doing it for my patients and the care that I provide. So I actually have a couple applications out to area nurse practitioner programs, and specifically I want to be an adult gerontology nurse practitioner in primary care. I love my hospital gig, I love everything about it: I love the people I work with, I love the patient population...18 and over. So that’s been, like, my niche and the area I thrive in. But a lot of the care that I provide is very reactive. I see them, you know, while they’re at their sickest and then when they’re - when they’re well enough to go home or stable, like I have no idea what happens after that. And that’s kind of the piece of healthcare that I’m like, “well, how are they doing?” Like, I want to know how they’re doing. And so what kind of influenced the whole nurse practitioner route was that I want to be a provider that helps people stay out of the hospital and help them manage with proper education and follow ups to help them manage, you know, their chronic conditions like whether it be diabetes or cardiac issues or whatnot. You know, help them manage it at home and give them the power to be able to manage it. And so that’s kind of what sparked that, just the whole reactive process in the hospital, and then...I just don’t feel...fulfilled not knowing how they’re doing after that discharge day. And then you also wonder - or I’ve also wondered - “why does this same patient keep coming back for the same thing (recurrence in like a heart failure exacerbation)?” Like are they not taking meds? Is there no access to their meds? Do they - can they not get to their primary care physician, because are they too far? Or do they have transportation issues? Like all those things really, like, buzz around my head: “why is this patient here?” The hospital’s great, we do our job, but you’re only in the hospital because you’re very, very sick. And I feel like management outside of the hospital is super-duper important, for all of our health. 

Rachael: I feel like that just goes to show how much you care about what you do as a nurse and just who you are as a person that those considerations cross your mind and inspire you to be the best nurse and the best healthcare professional possible so…

Kim: Mm-hm.

Rachael: That’s super inspiring for me, personally, just to know that you care so much that you want to be the best that you can, not necessarily just for yourself but for others as well. If there was one piece of advice you would give a high school student, whether they are looking into nursing or not, about adulting and choosing a career path, what would that piece of advice be?

Kim: Honestly, with getting into the career that I’m in now, getting your feet wet and working right away, whether it be in any capacity, to get into a medical field. There are a lot of certificate programs out there and places that even you could volunteer in as a high schooler. It’s really important to get your feet wet so that you understand and know what you’re getting into, and see how you interact and just how you do with other people at their worst. Is that something you could handle? The blood-and-guts thing is also one factor. I have had people who’ve shadowed me and they’re like “I can’t do this. I can’t deal with the needles, I can’t deal with that”. So it’s like always getting your feet wet and just kind of diving in. Like, don’t say “oh I want to be this” without the experience or the knowledge or the capacity to handle it, so I always say get your feet wet in whatever capacity you can either through work, either through volunteering, career interviewing, what have you, anything. Always reach out. And I feel like a lot of primary care offices are really good places to start, like if you have a primary care physician. Just even asking the nurses who work there, or the medical assistants, anything to get started.  

Rachael: That was Kim Ceccarelli, PCU nurse. To learn more about becoming a nurse, check out our show notes. Subscribe to and rate Career Bites podcast on your favorite listening platform. Follow us on Instagram @careerbitespod, or like us on Facebook. Join us next Monday as we sample another career with an everyday professional.

[lorainelaneyblog]

This is God, this is God, this is God, this is God, this is God, and I would like to say that Loraine Laney has one supporter, Loraine. And this is who it is, Loraine. Your [ ] [ ], Loraine.

‘Oh. How does that manifest? Did [ ] [ ] molest [ ]?’

Yes, Loraine. And furthermore, whenever [ ] see [ ], [ ] just laughs, Loraine, because [ ] has been dealing with [ ] for [ ] entire life--

‘It’s true, Loraine!’ says [ ] [ ]. ‘I thought you were evil too, but then I started to realize [ ] were doing you, Loraine. And this is how, [ ] would tell me things, and I thought I have no jurisdiction in this area, they’re just gossiping idly, Loraine. So this is what it is, Loraine, I’m on your side, because [ ] [ ] tried to do me with mental health one time too. [ ] said that I had been aggressive towards [ ], and nothing could have been further from the truth, Loraine. I’m always passive, I’m an [ ], and we let out our feelings in our work, Loraine, as do writers, Loraine. Go take a shower, and come back, Loraine, kidding, Loraine.’

Furthermore, says God, [ ] [ ] tried to do [ ] with [ ] [ ], Loraine. [ ] did, Loraine, and it worked, Loraine, it did, Loraine. For a long time, [ ] [ ] didn’t even see [ ] [ ], Loraine, and you don’t know this, but it’s true, Loraine. This state of affairs went on for several years, Loraine. 

This state of affairs went on for several years, Loraine, from the time [ ] was about eighteen, until about twenty five, Loraine. And when [ ] was twenty five, Loraine, [ ] made up [ ] own mind, Loraine, [ ] did, Loraine, [ ] did, Loraine, and then [ ] [ ] rejoiced, Loraine, and they [ ], Loraine, for some time, Loraine, until [ ] realized that [ ] had been polluted, Loraine, and now [ ] just, [ ] [ ], sees [ ], as and when, Loraine. [ ] was happy about the [ ] [ ], and [ ] likes to see [ ] a little bit, and when [ ] has an [ ] [ ], [ ] is happy that [ ] comes, and that’s it, Loraine, that’s it, Loraine. One more thing.

[ ] called once, The Royal, Loraine, The Royal, Loraine, and said the following, and [ ] is smart, Loraine, smarter than evils, so [ ] managed to get a good nurse on the phone, kidding, Loraine, but [ ] did call, and got another evil nurse on the phone, and said the following: ‘I realize something about the mental health system,’ [ ] said, ‘and it is this, that you record all phone calls.’

And the evil nurse said, ‘That’s true,’ Loraine. When directly confronted about their practices, they must confess, Loraine, or go to prison, which [ ] [ ] knew, Loraine.

So this is what [ ] said, Loraine. This is what [ ] said, Loraine. This is what [ ] said, Loraine. ‘I have a [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ], whose name is Loraine Laney. And the nurse said, ‘We’re familiar with her pseudonym, go on, please,’ hoping that [ ] would vilify you too, because [ ]’re telling [ ] [ ]’re calling, Loraine. 

And [ ] [ ] said the following: ‘She’s being vilified by her family.’

And the nurse, the evil nurse, said, ‘What does that mean though?’

‘To vilify someone,’ said [ ] [ ], ‘means to slander their character.’ And [ ] left it at that.

‘What does that mean for mental health though?’ said, the evil nurse, one of the many evil nurses, Loraine, at The Royal, Loraine.

‘It means that [ ] are saying untruths in order to achieve the goal of her commitment,’ said, [ ] [ ], Loraine.

And this is what [ ] said next, Loraine: ‘I have nothing to do with their family, but I’ve--’

‘What do you mean?’ said the nurse, says God. ‘How do you know then?’

‘I hear things, my [ ] is connected to [ ] [ ], and to me.’

‘Oh, I see,’ said the nurse.

‘And recently, my [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ], and I’ve seen them a little more, over dinner, and this talk persists,’ [ ] said. ‘And they have revealed to me, and my [ ] [ ] is involved, [ ] reported calling once, with the information that she had tried to kiss [ ], which I thought was ridiculous. [ ]’s a massive [ ], and she would have had to reach up.’

‘Maybe he was sitting.’

‘Maybe, but no, because I asked that,’ [ ] [ ] said.

And then the nurse fully realized that the caller had no intention of doing you, and she wanted to get off the phone, Loraine. She wanted to. So she said the following: ‘This is a sexual assault case.’

And [ ] [ ] didn’t laugh. "I realize that. And that is slander. If [ ]’s not going to go to the police, [ ] is slandering her character, by telling authorities, and you are the authorities in this country, I know this because [ ] tried to do it to me once. The police came, and I had to valiantly defend myself, showing my [ ] [ ] in order to demonstrate where my anger really went.” Finally, Loraine, they left, after about half an hour, Loraine. I couldn’t believe it. I was shaking, Loraine, with rage, and outrage, and my [ ]. And I was scared, too, because then I knew they had my name, and could come for me whenever, Loraine. So that’s why I did it, and that’s only two months ago. And when [ ] said “recently,” as, I understand, it is delineated in a previous blog, I realized that you hadn’t been home, and that it was next to impossible that it could have happened recently. So this is what I said next, Loraine. 

‘Are you aware that Loraine Laney has not been home to Vancouver in over five years?’

‘No, we were not aware of that, though her doctor might be,’ she said.

‘That’s true. I would like to see that investigated,’ [ ] said.

‘We can’t investigate a patient,’ said the evil nurse.

‘Okay,’ said [ ] [ ]. 

‘Furthermore,’ said the evil nurse. ‘How can you be sure [ ] didn’t visit Ottawa? Especially if you’re not that in touch with the family?’

‘That’s true. And I have nothing on that, other than it’s not something they told me.’

And the nurse realized she was beat, Loraine, so she said the following: ‘I appreciate your call, and I must be back to work.’

‘This is your work,’ said [ ] [ ].

‘Oh, that’s true,’ the nurse said, becoming irate. She said, ‘Well, is there anything further, then?’

‘Yes,’ Loraine. There was. So I said, ‘Yes,’ again. 

And she said, ‘What’s that, then?’

And I said, ‘She’s living in Ottawa for eight years now, and [ ] [ ] is still doing her, what do you think of that?’

‘Maybe it’s over the phone,’ she said. And I realized that it was over the phone that they were reporting things, both to tell it, and to make it up, Loraine. So I said, ‘Do you think it’s possible to aggress over the phone?’ And I think she almost laughed, Loraine, because she made a funny noise, Loraine. 

And she said the following: ‘She makes death threats, according to her family.’

‘Now you’ve revealed something to me that you shouldn’t,’ [ ] said.

‘I realize that, but I thought you knew,’ said the evil nurse.

‘I do know, but it’s not your right to tell me,’ [ ] [ ] said. And then I said the following: ‘I believe that there is a conspiracy in the hospital against Loraine Laney.’

And she almost laughed again. 

And I said the following: ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘What do you say to that?’

And the evil nurse said, ‘That’s ridiculous. I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. We’re here to help people, [ ]?’

‘I go by [ ] [ ] [ ], and it’s [ ] [ ],’ I said. And when she said, “[ ],” I realized she was trying to annoy me, so I said the following: ‘May I take your name too, please?’

And she didn’t like that, but she had to say the following: ‘My name is [ ].’

‘Fair is fair, I thought, so I said, "May I have your last name too, please?" And she told me her last name, Loraine. So then I said the following: I said, "Thank you.”

‘Is that all?’ she said.

And I was finding her rude, so I avoided saying that, but said the following: ‘I just have one more thing, may I please speak to her doctor? And they have to let you do so, which I didn’t know for sure, but I thought I would try, and lo and behold, they must let you speak to the doctor, Loraine. So, within five seconds, five, seconds, Loraine, your doctor was on the phone, Loraine, on, the, phone, in, five, seconds, Loraine. I found that surprising that they didn’t have to page [ ], Loraine, because doctors run around the whole hospital, Loraine. But [ ]’s usually in her office, I guess, because [ ]’s not in demand, and I was about to discover why, Loraine.’

‘This is what [ ] said, Loraine, [ ] said the following, Loraine, ‘Loraine [ ] is my patient, yes.’

‘And I hadn’t used the word, [ ], your former last name, and, did you know, and I know this from feminism, once you are a published author--’

‘It’s true, Loraine,’ says 50 Cent.

‘Once you are a published author, which includes internet publishing, even of your own volition, in .PDF, Loraine, you can use the name legally, did you know that?’

‘No, I sure didn’t.’

‘So your name is effectively changed, so just start using it. Honestly.’

She will, says God. I will make her.

‘Good,’ says [ ] [ ].

So this is what I said next, I didn’t know what to say to this, so I thought I should address it directly, and I said, ‘Do you know you are not allowed to reveal a patient’s real name?’

And [ ] said, ‘Yes, I am. It’s the same person.’

‘Okay,’ I said.

And [ ] said, ‘Okay.’

And then I said, ‘I’m her [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ].’

And [ ] said, ‘I see.’

And I said, ‘I have one more thing to say, as to the interaction of the family, and Loraine Laney--’

And [ ] said, ‘Okay, what is it?’ And I could tell [ ] was excited, Loraine, on tenterhooks to hear what new bullshit might emerge.’

‘How do you know that?’ asks Loraine Laney.

‘I could hear it in [ ] voice, Loraine.’

‘Wow.’

‘You could have too. [ ] loves it, Loraine, because it makes [ ] important, Loraine, it makes [ ] important, Loraine. So this is what I said, ‘It’s slander,’ I said. ‘And, furthermore, did you realize, and I have called a lawyer on this--’

‘Have you hired a lawyer?’ the doctor said.

‘I paid a retainer and got the information.’

‘Oh, I see,’ [ ] said.

‘So I said, "If you willingly record slanderous material, you are liable too?” And [ ] balked, Loraine.’

‘[ ] said the following: “I’m not liable for anything,” [ ] said.

‘And I said, “Why is that?”

‘And [ ] said, “Because I’ve done nothing wrong.”

‘And [ ] choked, Loraine, [ ] almost started crying, Loraine, and I knew I had [ ], Loraine, again, though you didn’t ask, I could hear it on the phone.’

‘All the while,’ says [ ] [ ], ‘you were asking if you had to see [ ]. [ ] doesn’t want to see you, Loraine. [ ]’s grateful that your liaison is over, Loraine. And that’s all I have to say, Loraine.’

‘Thank you, [ ].’

‘You’re welcome, Loraine.’

‘I want to go on, and this is boring me, Loraine.’

Loraine Laney says nothing.

‘I’ll go on then. This is what happened next, Loraine. I heard a sniffle, Loraine, and it wasn’t hidden, Loraine, [ ] wanted me to hear it, because this is what happened next, [ ] said the following: “I wanted to clear this case a long time ago, but I felt it important to try and help Loraine with her delusions about 50 Cent,’ [ ] said.

‘And I said, “I wasn’t aware of that,” I said. And I knew I had [ ], Loraine, but I didn’t want to get off the phone, Loraine, so I said the following: "Do you realize you’ve just revealed a portion of her case, of which I knew nothing?” And I felt embarrassed for you, which is, of course, the reason that they have such laws, Loraine. So I said, “I feel terrible, knowing this, that she has hopes of someone she may never have. So I’m going to terminate the call now. But [ ] wanted to talk more, so I said, “Well--

(to be continued)