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strangersails · 9 months

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part two of “billy tries so hard not to fall in love with steve (and fails)”.

“look, i know i’m an asshole” billy says, still so close to him. “and i know apes have better mannerism than i have, that i look like i don’t give a shit. but that. is nothing personal. okay? i’m just not a people person, i need constant space and i need to leave when things start to feel serious.”

“billy. you don’t even call me by my name. how is that serious?” steve rubs his face with both hands, then he folds his arms on his chest again.

billy takes the hint and takes a step back. “it is to me. i don’t call you steve cause that feels personal. i don’t stay in your bed after we fuck, cause that feels personal. i don’t want to hear your stories, because that feels too personal.”

“and why is that bad?” steve asks.

this also feels too personal, but now it’s too late.

“because if it’s personal, it means that we’re close. and if we’re close...” it takes him a moment to end the sentence, and he can’t do it looking him in the eyes, so he draws them on steve’s hands and then admits, “it means i have something to lose”.

steve tilts his head back, his arms still folded on his chest while he looks at billy. “i get it, but then i don’t understand this: what’s the point? why’d you kiss me?”

which is a fair question, billy’s gotta say it. “i don’t know. i just... i miss you, i told you.” billy is more honest than he thought he would be, but at this point why would he lie? what good would it do? he’d already exposed himself, anyway.

“you mean you miss the sex.”

billy can’t say if it’s a statement or a question, but it pisses him off whether it’s the first or the second. “i mean i missed you, harrington” he says, and he regrets the name almost the exact moment it slips from his lips.

he surely regrets it when the little muscles around the corner of steve’s lips curl and kind of shape it in a little, sad pout.

“look. i’m not gonna lie, i missed the sex too, but do you really think that you’re my only chance to get laid? i don’t just miss you cause you give me the best orgasms.”

“what do you miss, then? what can you possibly miss about me, when you’ve barely treated me like a hole this whole time? i don’t understand.”

billy’s heart sinks at those words. “i know i was a huge asshole and i’m sorry for that. i didn’t really mean to. i was just trying my best not to let you come too close. i know occasional sex can be tricky.”

“answer me. what do you miss, if it’s not just the sex?” steve sound so suspicious, like he’s sure there’s nothing billy could possibly appreciate about him enough for him to miss his presence. billy knows he really fucked up.

he takes a moment before he answer, and he feels steve’s compelling stare. “you smell really nice” he says then. “your breath” he gulps nervously, interrupting himself, “smells nice.” what the fuck, billy. “you like phil collins, which is embarrassing, but it suits you. i know it cause you’ve got all the damn tapes piled up on the desk next to your bed and they once fell on my face when you were pounding me so g—”

“jesus christ shut up.”

“—and your writing is the ugliest, i still got your stupid ice cream shaped little post it with your number on it sticked in the sun visor in my car, but you made that cute little heart drawing with the devil’s horns and tail, i couldn’t physically throw it away.”

“you kept it?”

“yeah.”

“it was a joke, that stupid drawing.” steve’s ears go red.

billy can’t help but grin. “it’s ugly. it’s the wonkiest heart i’ve ever seen.”

steve shoves him gently by the shoulder. “shut up. you kept it.”

“i kept it.” billy curls his finger around the front belt loop of steve’s denim, and tugs him a little closer. he can’t help himself. “i like the fact that you’re a nice person, even though you don’t believe it, for reasons that i ignore.”

billy also ignores the little twitch of steve’s eyebrow that confirms what he just said.

“i like that you’re dyslexic but it pisses me off that you won’t—”

“wait, what?” steve’s face flushes a hot, fluorescent pink while he nervously laughs. “you like that i’m dyslexic? what does that even mean? it doesn’t even sound like a compliment...”

“that’s cause it’s not a compliment” billy lets his fingers graze on steve’s hips only to get to wrap his arms around his tiny waist.

“...”

“i’m not joking, i like it. it’s a steve thing. it’s part of you and it’s... i don’t know. look, i suck at this kind of things. i know you a little, i know how i feel when i’m with you and i kind of miss it.”

steve has his arms folded on his chest between them. he hums. billy would pay to know what’s going on under that nest of messy, fluffy hair. he hates the silence and that stance too. like steve wants to put distance between them. but at the same time he could get rid of billy’s embrace, which he didn’t, and that gives billy a little hope.

“okay” steve says, eventually.

“okay...?” billy repeats prompting him to be more explicit.

“i believe you.”

of fucking course, he wants to say. he didn’t make a fool out of himself admitting all those embarrassing things to him only to be questioned? why would he lie about it, anyway? stupid harrington. he won’t be hearing of any more of those nauseatingly sweet things anytime soon.

“well, thanks” he just says, still a little anxious about what’s coming next. he hopes it’s not a but.

“but” here we go... “i don’t know what you expect from me, then. you want to fuck and then what?”

billy lets out a heavy sigh and lets his hands drop from steve’s waist.

“hey. get back here.” steve doesn’t sound like he’ll accept no's.

so billy gets back to wrap his arms around him, even though his stomach is still tense.

“i did not tell you to get off, did i?” steve sounds dead serious.

billy holds him tighter out of spite. and nostalgy.

steve unfolds his arms and let his hands linger on the other boy’s biceps.

“what do you want to do, billy?” he asks again. “you want to fuck and then what? because if we’re going back to you treating me like a hole we’re not going to—”

“please don’t say that” billy interrupts him.

it’s steve’s turn to sigh, this time. he draws those slender fingers of his on his chest. billy is glad he busts his own ass off in the gym. “alright. but i mean it, we’re not going far if you plan on going back to strangers fifty seconds after you give me the best orgasms of my life.”

billy’s pride sings for a moment, but he still struggles with the rest, so he can’t brag right now.

“look, i get it. boundaries. we can have them, bills. i’m not asking for you to stay the night and hold my hand and sing me to sleep. just. i don’t know.”

billy wants to eat his stupid worried face and shower it with kisses and the thought makes his stomach twist, but what can he do? the other option is going back to being avoided and he hates the thought even more.

“we can hang out sometimes maybe? when i’m not actually busy or something” he tries.

“i mean, you don’t have to” steve don’t look at him in the eyes, like billy’s jacket is too interesting all of the sudden. “i don’t want you to feel forced to do something you don’t want to...”

“it’s not really like i don’t want to, though” he admits.

“it’s not?”

that stupid hopeful face he makes. billy wants once again to skin him alive.

“can i kiss you again?” he asks, before he can hold himself.

steve’s face goes all red again. “you better. you’ll need a lot of those if you want me to forgive you.”

billy leans in and gives a quick peck on his lips, tightening his grip on the boy’s hips. “oh, it’s like that, uh?”

“it’s like that...”

steve says that with the velvetiest voice, and billy chases his lips, catching them on a kiss that soon becomes sloppy and wet and deep, they kiss with tongue and teeth and hot breaths and fingertips. steve makes the most delicious whines, and billy can’t help but pull at his hair, bringing him closer, licking into his mouth and savoring him like it’s the last meal of his life. steve melts into the kiss, billy can feel the way he goes limp against him, the way his arms are hanging loose and relaxed around his shoulders.

“it’s so unfair that you kiss like this and we only started now” steve whines, pinching his nipple as a punishment.

billy flicks his forehead in return. “ow.”

“you owe me a hundred kisses at least, hargrove.”

billy leans in to kiss his lips again briefly. “yeah, yeah, you already said that.”

steve grins from ear to ear, lips stretched against billy’s. billy bite them.

“what the fuck are laughing for?”

“i can’t believe you kept the drawing.”

he regrets it already and makes that obvious rolling his eyes on the back of his skull. “shut up. i’m throwing it in the trash.”

“no you’re not.” steve kisses him.

“no i’m not.”

and steve kisses him again. and then billy is opening his mouth, angling his head just a little to be comfortable to dive into steve’s parted lips again. steve tastes like booze and cigarettes and billy loves it.

they’re never going back to not kissing.

#i don’t really like it but y’all asked for it so here we go #billy is the most oblivious motherfu**er i stg #billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #stranger things #*my ficlet #idk bye

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