#like yeah larry as you SHOULD

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

favourite twdg villain?

I'm a fond enjoyer of the St. John's as villains. I don't know if they're my favorite just because they're only in one episode, but I love the concept of this family almost immediately jumping into cannibalism toward the start of the outbreak, dealing in human flesh to bandits, and casually feeding this group their friend's legs.

Like... what the hell was this family like before the outbreak that all three of them were like, "Hey now listen... nothing should go to waste, the dead are eating people so why shouldn't we? We gotta survive and in our defense, we only target those who were gonna die anyway... like y'all."

Dude, Mark was shot in this shoulder with an arrow. He wasn't going to die from that injury. It's so fucked that these seemingly friendly people took the group into their home and then fed them Mark's legs.

If we take the idea that everyone is infected and have the capacity within themselves to become walkers, to become monsters, then the St. John's were infected long before the outbreak, y'know? Not literally, but something was wrong with them and the outbreak just further spread that infection and changed them.

But again, are they my favorite? I dunno if I can say that since I have a lot more appreciation for Lily now. Yeah, some of her writing gets a little wonky in ep3 of TFS when she goes on her monologues and shit, but y'know what? I'm into it.

You have to remember who we're talking about and the fact that she's the antagonist; Lily isn't some anti-hero in TFS who secretly has a heart of gold that's brought to light because she reunited with Clementine... she's a fucked up woman who did fucked up things in the name of survival. She's full of rot now. She sees kidnapping children and turning them into soldiers to protect her home as a means to an end, but she doesn't actually give a shit about the people she's taking. They aren't people to her, they're as the episode title suggests, toys in her game. The only one she sees as a person is Clementine, and while that makes her hesitate at first, she sees Clementine's a prize to bring back.

She remembers what happened in S1; her father had a heart attack and as she tried to save him, Kenny smashed his face in with a saltlick and then expected Lily to just stand up and help him get back to his family because "he did what he had to, he made the hard choice." Yes, Larry was a piece of shit. No one liked him, and you can even question Lily on him and she'll tell you that he has a lot of pain. Yes, it makes him an asshole, but he's still her dad and he's all she has. I mean... the simplification is daddy issues, but in all seriousness, I don't doubt for a second that many of Lily's issues stem from Larry being a shitty father to her.

Then everyone thought she was losing it when she insisted there was a traitor in the group, which she was right about, but she was unstable. She was unwell, but how do you help someone like that when you don't have training to go about it? Then Lily ends up killing either Carley or Doug and the group turns on her, and either she's left behind or she steals the van and runs away.

Then we don't know what the hell happened to her until we see her again in TFS, but like... a lone woman with decay festering inside of her joining the delta? Exposing her to their methods? I mean, what else did she have to lose? She had nothing, she lost everything, and she has a lot of issues. Survival is easy when you're numb, when you don't care about the individual; they're all just cogs churning to make the system run, and if a piece doesn't cooperate, you get rid of it and find a new one.

Plus I think there's something to say about Lily not wanting to be perceived as weak again. That whole display she put on in the cells? Telling the story of what happened to Minerva and Sophie? I get the criticism that it feels like Lily did a 180 between episodes but like... yeah dude, because it's a performance. It's not just her and Clementine anymore. It's a display of power and authority. She's playing the part and thriving in it as she ensures everyone else is terrified of her.

But then when Clementine and AJ get the upper hand? Again, she's not afraid to play up the pleading to earn enough sympathy to spare her- hell, just to let their guard down enough to strike and get the upper hand again. I mean, she's got nothing else to lose, right? If she doesn't go for it, she'll be killed and sure, you can kill her anyway but at least she tried.

Honestly, I look at Lily in TFS and still see that scared little girl playing the tough bitch, just like Carley said in S1. It's just now escalated from "tough bitch" to a downright vile person. She's so... lost? I suppose? Lost within herself and the monstrous means she's taken to survive.

I get the criticisms of how she was used in TFS, but for me, it's like when people complain about Minerva not getting the redemption arc she supposedly should've gotten, y'know? There's no saving her. Lily was never on our side, and there was no getting her on our side. She wasn't ever going to redeem herself. Even if you spare her and she drifts away on her raft, can someone like her actually find redemption? Or will she just find another group that'll feed into her rot?

Truly, I say let her be horrid. Let her be the piece of shit villain with a few fleeting moments of humanity. Let her drown in the blood she's spilled.

[itissadbutitsmy-artblog]

i wanted this comic digitalized so bad that i used max's birthday as an excuse. :)

this is the true ending. if im insane enough ill show you the alternate ending though

bonus because i just. it just kinda peters out. longggg post yayyye

[everymlmhybrid]

this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think

[statementlou]

.

[releaseholiday]

You are honestly to god stupid Katty. No, Harry Styles is not promoting a brand like his own if he doesn't own it. It's stupid as fuck and Harry is not stupid. Period.

[luvevee]

Not the oddest guest but definitely a surprising one

[thatonegayartisticguy]

Elon.. the biggest dumbass..

No seriously dude, you realize that people bitch about Twitter.. on Twitter.. because logically if they do that... enough people doing that... might get you to actually fix something. And in time if you don’t- they can haul ass off to a better site. Like here, Tumblr. Cause the thing is.. the OG owners didn’t listen either. And you basically said you’d do better. So fuckin’ prove it maybe? (yeah yeah I know he prolly will never see this post but if I don’t get it out somewhere I’m gonna explode) EDIT: (I don’t give a shit if he didn’t cause some of the problems people are complaining about, he can still listen and fix shit- but he won’t.)

[wardenparker]

Woo hoo! Way to go on the 2.5k followers! You deserve it

I would like to request Joel Miller w/ “put me down”

Pre-outbreak Joel Miller 1,642 words. "Put me down." Co-written with @absurdthirst

Reader has been drinking. Established relationship. Jealousy.

Joel rolls his eyes, wondering again what the hell is in the air tonight. He’s glad Sarah has already gone to bed, although she would probably be snickering at the scene. “Babe, maybe you should slow down.” He grunts swiping the beer bottle that he had been nursing and tossing it into the trash.

“Baby, it’s game day,” you protest with a giggle, even though you know he’s probably right. You made your sangria much stronger than usual and you’ve had more than a few cups while hanging out with his friends.

“Yeah it is.” You’re having fun, which is something that he would normally never deny you. Although it seems like you’ve gotten a little….boisterous in the last half hour. “How about we get a sandwich?” He suggests, thinking the bread would be good to help counteract the wine sloshing around in your stomach.

"But we have so many snacks!" The remnants of a chip and veggies and dip plate, the garnishes from a pile of wings, and the last two cookies from the batch Tommy baked are all out on the counter around you, but none of it constitutes actual eating.

He snorts, shaking his head at your wild flailing as you gesture around the counter and miss when you go to grab a chip. “Yep, sandwich.” He grunts to himself, turning around to grab the loaf of bread off the counter. “Or a wrap?”

"Can you be my wrap?" Alright, so you might be a bit tipsy. If the intense giggling from your silly joke is any indication. That doesn't mean you don't want to take advantage of the fact that you're the only two people in the kitchen right now to snuggle up with your boyfriend.

That makes him laugh, rolling his eyes at your antics and he turns to press his lips to your forehead. “You’re drunk.” He accuses fondly.

"Not totally," you protest, pouting at him as deeply as possible.

“Totally.” Joel laughs, leaning in and squashing your lips between his fingers playfully until you pull back. “Eat a wrap then you can have a glass of water.”

"And a kiss." Tacking that onto the end with a grin, you pull your arms around him so he can't pull away to do anything – let alone make a wrap or get a glass of water.

“And a kiss.” If you hadn’t almost started a fight, your possessiveness might be cute. Amusing even. But you had almost been ready to throw hands and he didn’t need the cops showing up here tonight.

"Oh-kay." The pleasant buzzing in your head and the fact that that bitch Larry Anderson had brought with him isn't in here to eye fuck Joel, combine to put you in a very amenable mood.

“Good.” He pecks your lips and reaches behind you to open the fridge. “Ham, or…ham?” He asks, the fridge slightly bare, but in his defense, he had been buying for the party and not wraps.

You hum, pretending to think really really hard, and realize you've forgotten the question while you were screwing up your face into comical expressions. "Ummm...wine?"

“Jesus.” Joel rolls his eyes and moves to the cabinet beside the fridge. “Water now.” He orders, tone a little sharper than before. He doesn’t want you with a bitch of a hangover tomorrow.

"Don't be mad." A pout overtakes your face immediately, but you lean against the kitchen counter and prepare to take whatever Joel dishes out. Even tipsy you know you probably overdid it earlier. It's not your fault that girl wouldn't take 'no' for an answer.

“I’m not.” He grabs a plastic cup, not even trusting you with a glass one at this point. “I just want you to be well hydrated.”

"Well..." The best you can do is shrug, but you're still pouting. "You sound mad."

“And I always look like an asshole.” Joel reminds you with a small chuckle. “So….?”

"I had to be mean to her." He pulls one of Sarah's plastic cups out of the cupboard and moves back to the fridge to fill it with cold, filtered water. "She was looking at you like you were a piece of meat, baby."

“Doesn’t matter.” He reminds with, turning around to hand the cup to you with a smirk. “I’m yours.”

Joel always takes care of you, and you know that even after two too many glasses of sangria, so you take the water cup dutifully. "I knowww. You're my piece of meat. But she wasn't respecting that and that's not okay."

“You don’t need to worry.” He promises softly, moving back to the fridge. “She doesn’t have anything on you.”

"I trust you," you clarify, dutifully sipping the water that he's gotten for you. Joel's loyalty has never been in question. Not when you were friends, not when you crossed the line into dating, and not now that you're living with him and Sarah. But the sangria had made you feisty and that was that.

“Good.” He chuckles as he slaps together some ham and a thick slice of that Muenster cheese you insist is better than Kraft. “Because you are the one sleeping in my bed, hogging the covers.”

"I keep telling youuuu." The singsong in your voice is interrupted by another drink of water. "We need a king-sized blanket. A big blanket. For us two hogs."

“I just will shiver every night.” He teases, folding the wrap up like a letter and handing it to you to eat. It wasn’t pretty, but he never claimed to be a good cook.

"But we could be warm snuggly burritos!" You insist, which is always the argument you give for why you should get an extra-large blanket for the queen sized bed you share, but this time you take a dramatic bite of the wrap he's made for you to punctuate your point.

“You would just steal all of those covers too.” He reminds you, leaning back against the counter as he eat watches you eat.

Giggling, you hold up one finger, crushing your wrap into an accordioned lump in the process. "One snuggly burrito."

“You might be a little cute when you’re this drunk.” Joel huffs, folding his arms over his chest.

"Baby..." Trying very hard to make your face serious fails spectacularly, and you end up giggling again. "I'm always cute. You said so."

“I did, didn’t I?” He huffs. “Finish eating and we’ll go back out to the party.” He bribes.

“Okayyyyyy.” It doesn’t stop you from leaning into his side though, and Joel lets you snuggle him without protest or question.

You eat the wrap quickly, making Joel think that one of your problems might be that you haven’t eaten today. When you reach for the veggies and dip, he encourages you to eat some of it too, not wanting you to have just the wrap on your stomach. Not having realized you were hungry in the first place, you’ve now eaten an entire meal standing in the kitchen and the pout you give Joel afterward intensifies. “Now I’m sleepy…” you huff, indignant at yourself for daring to be tired during a house party. Even a small one.

He chuckles quietly and pushes off the counter to walk over to where you had drifted away from him. Grazing off the table. Smirking, he bends down and scoops you up, about to carry you upstairs.

The squawk you let out could raise the dead, but he laughs so it ends up in half-hearted huffing and puffing as he carries you up the backstairs. “Put me doooowwwn! I can walk!” Not that you actually want him to, of course. Being manhandled by Joel is a privilege.

He smacks your ass, laughing again when you squeal. “No.” He tells you, continuing to climb the stairs. “You’ll go back out into the living room and fight that girl.”

“She put her tits in your face!” You groan, not bothering to fight as more stairs pass under Joel’s feet. He’s far stronger than you anyway. “Only my tits go in your face.”

You’re possessive when you’re drunk and it’s kind of hot. “I like your tits in my face.” He hums, grabbing your ass this time instead of slapping it. “That’s why I stood up. So she couldn’t do that.”

“And I like your little pancake ass,” you giggle, smacking his ass as he goes. Slinging you over his shoulder was a tactical error on Joel’s part.

“Hey.” Joel’s step falters and he snorts as you start to giggle. “Payback, huh?”

“Yep!” Another bright giggle breaks through as he hits the top step.

“You need to go to bed.” He huffs, shaking his head.

He carries you into the bedroom, only setting you down again when it can be directly on the bed. Before he can step away, though, you reach up to snag the edge of Joel's t-shirt and give him a soft smile. "I love you, baby."

“I love you too.” He promises, leaning back down to kiss you softly. “Lay down, I’ll get you some aspirin and water.”

"Then cuddles?" When you're tipsy – or drunk – it's not hard to turn almost any expression into wide, pleading eyes. In this case, it's the wide and pleading eyes that you know Joel just can't resist.

Joel sighs softly, knowing you are feeling a little vulnerable and he nods. “Fuck ‘em.” He decides. “Tommy can keep their asses in line.” He tells you as he brings the bottle of Advil and the cup of water from the bathroom.

“Cuddles!” Maybe it’s simple of you, but ending any night in Joel’s arms is all you want. All you’ve wanted for years now. The day you went from friends to lovers was a gift, and that gift is just as precious to you now as it was then.

______

Master Tags: @pixiedurango @chattychell @winter-fox-queen @lady-himbo @artsymaddie @princess76179 @paintballkid711 @missminkylove @pedrosbrat @ew-erin @sarahjkl82-blog @sharkbait77 @justanotherblonde23 @lv7867 @recklesswit @mylittlesenaar @f0rever15elf @gallowsjoker @steeevienicks @athalien @sherala007 @skvatnavle @thatpinkshirt @jaime1110 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @goodgriefitsawildworld @greeneyedblondie44 @littlemousedroid @harriedandharassed @churchill356 @ajathegreats-blog @haylzcyon   @beardsanddetectives @kirsteng42 @ladykatakuri @adancedivasmom @madiebear @tanzthompson @emilianamason @bigsdinger @xocalliexo @pedr0swh0r3 @avaleineandafryingpan @charlyrmv @avidreader73 @iceclaw101 @loveslide @elegantduckturtle @becsworld @julesonrecord @its-nebuleuse @itsrubberbisquit @mikeyswifie @guelyury @lizzie-cakes @for-a-longlongtime @vabeachazn @purplerain04 @weho2kcmo @madnessofadaydreamer

My Masterlist!

[tgcg]

ill break your shit adam

warning for adult lang

fuck you adam sandler

youre lucky karkat likes you

stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl

and asks her can i marry you

that lady got issues mentally

you still down to do shit anally

deplorable zit on the ass of romanza

karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza

do raps even count as having stanzas

slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza

youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones

sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones

piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling

kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling

penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass

thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass

back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar

too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar

who even let you into hawaii

also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie

seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me

sorry i forgot i was rapping again

piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men

still not over that chuck and larry shit adam

if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em

firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat

karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat

gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you

gotta say larry deserved better than you

i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though

i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro

back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore

the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore

if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds

if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds

itd be harder but id still do it

bro fuck adam sandler im through it

===

TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.

TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness

TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america

TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was

TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.

TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --

TG: nooooo

TG: nope no

TG: not this shit again

TG: listen one of them is karkats fault

===

CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.

TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.

CG: GLADLY.

CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.

CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!

CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.

CG: RIGHT, DAVE?

TG: … yeah

TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.

CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

TT: And you love them anyways.

CG: YEAH.

TG: hes right

TG: you hear that shit hes right

TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation

[isaacswhy]

CAMPING WITH... ISAACWHY

isaacwhy x gn!reader headcanons (sfw + nsfw) heavily inspired by the group camping video series: nick tanner yumi larry MINORS DNI

More than likely, Isaac was the one to come to you with the idea of going camping. If it ever involved his friends, he would plan a secondary trip with just the two of you.

Isaac is an over-planner. He will buy a bunch of shit off Amazon to make sure you have your every need covered, to excess. Secretly a survivalist?

If you want to keep it 'realistic', he will be there with you on that 100%. No phones? He's down.

But, if you want to do a campsite but not take it too seriously, he thrives. He will have a mini cooler with sodas, food, campfire ready, et cetera. Isaac is happy to adapt.

Unsurprisingly, one of Isaac's first requests is to go swimming. He loves to stay active, and in the Texas heat swimming is the best way to do it and stay cool.

He's petty while swimming. He won't splash first, but if you splash him get ready for hell. If you're able to handle it, he won't hesitate to dunk you.

When you finally get out of the water, get ready for him to complain about his hair being wet. With his curls, it takes forever to dry. If you suggest cutting it, prepare for a death glare.

Isaac is happy to make the tent by himself, although he might ask for a helping hand every once in a while. He prioritizes you being happy and not stressing, so he tries to do everything.

He will also try to start the fire all by himself, but you might want to be on standby just in case he burns his tank top. He's not bad at lighting fires, it just takes a little more kindling than it should.

Speaking of doing things for you, prepare to sit back and let him cook, literally. He wants to make the meals. He may allow you to help, but let the chef do his work!

After the fire's going and the food's cooking, Isaac finds a giant fire log and bench presses it. Just to impress you, but he says it's because he needs to get his work out in.

He feasts. He will demolish any sort of food you give him. But, if you're still hungry after you've eaten yours, consider his food your own. He will offer it all.

Since he's not one to be on camera, he uses his phone (if you allow it) to take pictures and videos of you the whole time.

He also takes a lot of sunset photos and posts his favorite on his twitter.

When you finally turn in for the night, you get nice and cozy. Since Isaac's big and tall, you hardly need a blanket. Plus, he's clingy.

Being smushed together in a tent really only turns out one way. At first, it's harmless kisses to the back of your neck, and the next he's slowly rutting against you.

You don't have a hard time staying warm that night. Isaac's too rough and loves to hold you as close as he can.

To fit in the cramped space of the tent, he has no real problem practically folding you in half when he fucks you.

It's a bit uncomfortable, but the closeness really makes the experience much more intimate. You just hope no animals are drawn to all the noise you can't hold back.

Once you're both finished, and he makes sure you do, he's extra cuddly. Wraps his entire body around you to the point you have to lose the blanket. He's a big, warm softie.

You can't help but sleep well after all the action from the day. You wake up unsurprisingly sore and he gives you lots of apology kisses.

The next morning he makes breakfast for you while you're still getting up and makes sure you're well-fed.

He convinces you into one more trip down for a swim. As it turns out, there's nobody around.

Yeah, he fucks you on the shoreline. What a romantic!

After, you go back to the campsite and pack up your things. When you complain about being tired, he knows it's his fault and takes twice the amount of stuff you do.

The drive back, you can't help but take a fat nap. Dick too big.

He posts the highlights from your trip on his Instagram and twitter, and you take a day in the air-conditioned house as a prize. Mostly spent in bed cuddled up with your boyfriend.

And a shower together. You already know what happens.

[miistersunshin3]

HIHI no clue if your requests r open but OMG I LOVED UR SAL X MEANGIRL!READER SMM 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ IS THERE A CHANCE WE CLD GET MOREE? 🫶🫶 🍰

Star struck pt. 2 ☆

Sal Fisher x meangirl!reader

a/n : part two yippeeee!! And yes my request are open so feel free to send more *\(^o^)/*

Enjoy!

-...he just couldn't keep staring as you slowly walked away, your hair swaying perfectly with each and every step, did you really just say that to him? it couldn't be, right? he must be dreaming

"sal, dude.. Sal! cmon bro we're gonna be late again, lets go" Larry said slightly annoyed, not having quite witnessed what just happened a few seconds ago.

Sal, having finally just snapped out of the trance you put him in, turned back around to face him and then coming at him with a little sarcastic

"pfft as if you care, weren't you the one that skipped first period today?"

"yeah yeah, lets just go now"

-needless to say you had that boy Star Struck (hihi see what I did there ^_−☆)

-even in the afternoon when the group hung out together, he just couldn't get his mind off of you and that stupid thing you said. Yet he was too nervous to tell his friends, knowing they were opposed to the idea of him liking.

-his friends, of course noticed his behavior, but decided to not comment on it thinking it was probably just him getting into his own head again.

.............................................................………………………

-at night, when everyone was fast asleep, he still caught himself thinking about you. you. you. you. and bless his poor soul, he just couldn't stop.

-with his mask off and his face in his pillow curling up in his bed, the duvet softly covering his body and hair falling freely, he couldn't help but wonder about your reaction to him without the mask. his face, his scarred broken then patched together again face, as he not so much liked to think about it.

-and god you were right, he's just so pathetic: laying in his bed thinking of you while a tear slowly makes its way down the less scarred side of his face. you and your friends make fun of him every day and yet he still feels so deeply connected to you, wanting you to hold him, to love him.

-once he does fall asleep, you even manage to follow him in his dreams: laying side by side together on his bed, with your arms around him and his head on your chest, he didn't have that uncomfortable border between the two of you, just his bare face touching the soft fabric of your shirt. your soft voice in his ears "you know Sal, for me you are truly the prettiest thing" it was like heaven...

-friday, the ninth of august, 06:45. is what the alarm clock read as he softly stirred awake despite not wanting to wake up from his dream. finally after so many nights of restless sleep, he had an actually dream, not one of those nightmares people would also only describe as dreams.

...................................................................…………………

-between periods, as Sal and Ash were making their way to art class, one of the few classes they share, they hear slight laughter and rambling behind them, knowing who it is by the obvious smell of perfume you always use. god it made him crazy.

-his thoughts were quickly disrupted by an obnoxious voice

"hey, you. yeah I'm talking to you blue hair and pigtails, you enjoy being a walking joke?" one of your friends snared.

"no wonder you only hang out with other weirdos, how about you all go back to the freak show your supposed to run?" another one joked making you laugh harder than you should have.

"oh yeah, you'd be the main attraction" you cockily say as you walk past him still smiling.

"fuckin' weirdos" the first one say as she purposefully bumps into Ashley while walking by.

-gosh why did you have to be so mean... and beautiful at the same time

....................................................................…………………

-its not that you hated Sal.. you didn't even dislike him. its just that... he's just so fun to mess with, I mean cmon he's the perfect target, mask and everything. you still weren't quite fond of his friends tho, but they were also okay.

-you did feel bad sometimes after saying something to him, even if he wouldn't react, your first thought with him was always 'did I take it to far now?' which was weird since you've never thought that when you'd do the same things with other people.

-but the sight you were going to witness in a few minutes was unbelievable to you..

..................................................................……………………

-this was truly the worst thing that could happen to him, he was defenseless. so vulnerable, so miserable, so pathetic.

-two of your male 'friends' had caught him alone in one of the storage rooms of the art classroom and decided they wanted to find out what lies under that mask of his.

-with one of them trying to take his prosthetic off and the other holding his hands so he couldn't defend himself even if he tried, he was done for... or so he thought.

-the creek of the door halted their movement only to reveal you, looking as beautiful as ever yet you had a bewildered looking on your face from seeing the scene in front of you.

"what the fuck do you think you're doing?" you say as you look the one wanting to take his mask in the eyes.

"oh cmon, we were just having some fun here, no need to ruin it" the other one spits.

"this is what you call fun? that's pretty sad if you ask me, I mean I get the verbal stuff but don't you think this is a bit too much?" you snap back.

"why the fuck are you defending him right now? he's fucking pathetic look at him" "and...? you know what I think, I think you're being just as if not more pathetic than he is right now, you are nothing (friends names), without me most people in this school probably wouldn't know you so shut it. and don't you dare tell anyone what happened here" you snarl.

"oh and what if we do tell, what are you gonna do, huh? tell your mommy? or the principal?" your other friend says in a fake whiny tone.

"I know what you did to that girl, you know she really did love you so much (friend name 1) it would be a shame if everyone knew that you're a lying cheating skank and not that you guys just broke up normally and oh (friend name 2) I didn't know you had room to talk when literally all you do is hook up with Mrs. Miller every Friday, do you wanna get kicked out of school, I don't think so. and trust me, once I confirm the rumors its over for you"

“You’re no fun” one of them says as they leave.

- silence. pure silence and you decide to break it.

“You okay?” You ask in a genuine tone. He takes a moment to reply speaking with a stutter “yeah, all good”

“Don’t worry I didn’t see anything” referring to his face, you cross your arms and lean against the door frame, he looks down at the ground in shame, his hands slightly shaking.

"do I make you nervous Sal?" you ask teasingly and after that you chuckle slightly as he's frozen in place "its okay, I get it"

a few moments pass when he finally has the courage to look at you again, god why was he like this when he was around you. "you owe me, big time" "yeah" he finally answers "what do you need?" he asks in a slightly nervous voice, he cannot talk to girls for the life of him (look at his first encounter with Ash in the game (=´∀｀))

you start to think, what do you need..? he then speaks again "I'll get you anything you want" nervousness still ringing in his voice "woah, don't get to ahead of yourself weirdo" you tease.

as you slowly leave the room you say "I'll think of something, sweetheart" you send him a quick smile while leaving and not to forget that wink you shot him once before.

-meanwhile he thinks he’s died because of that nickname, but don’t worry your smile brought him back to life, you just really know how to make his heart flutter. ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

..................................................................……………………

a/n : I hope you guys enjoyed(≧∀≦) if you have any wishes feel free to send me requests!! (P.s I love bullying Sal hihi)

[archangeldyke-all]

Teasing Vika while she’s doing paperwork (on purpose) she’s a lil annoyed at first because she can’t resist you but she finally gives in and fucks you over the desk

ok but this combined with this other ask i got!??!?

okay but what about edging ceo sev 😱😱😱😱😱

men and minors dni

after being married for a year (and working together for four) you and sevika have fucked at work pretty much everywhere.

the breakroom? you guys snuck away during the office winter party and she fingered you against the counter.

the cubicles? she found a blindspot in the camera system by the water cooler and you congratulated her for her discovery with a blowjob in that very spot.

her office? about once a week.

the bathroom? again, about once a week.

you guys are careful. and you usually don't do anything during office hours, waiting until all your employees clock out to get each other naked.

and over time... it's all kind of lost its thrill.

so... you guys come up with a plan. just a little something to spice up your sex lives again.

well... it was supposed to be just a little something. it ends up being a bit more than that.

on your way into work this morning, sevika's arm slung around your shoulders as you both sleepily stumble into the office an hour before the rest of the employees, you'd gently kissed her neck in the elevator (which you know doesn't have any cameras, because, again: you've fucked everywhere in the office) and then whispered in her hear.

"it's a friday, y'know."

sevika chuckles. "'m aware."

"we should do something fun. to relax."

"could get more edibles from seamus." she suggests, leaning into your gentle kisses above her collar. you chuckle, then reach down to cup her crotch. she shivers.

"I was thinkin' about something else."

"yeah?" sevika grunts. you nod, nipping her neck before pulling away to look in her eye.

"lemme edge you?" you ask. sevika smirks at you, waiting like she's considering the offer despite the fact that she was the one who brought this up a few weeks ago. you grin at your wife, then lean forward again, your lips ghosting against hers. "think about how good it'll feel to finally cum inside me tonight, knowing you got nowhere to be in the morning." you start to gently rub at her clothed cock, your lips twitching up at the side when you feel her twitch beneath you.

sevika shivers, gulping and leaning in to press her lips against yours. the elevator doors open on your floor, but neither of you notice, and they close again, waiting for you to push a button.

"sevika?" you ask. sevika smiles, then nods.

"yes, please." she asks sweetly. you grin and kiss her again, giving her cock one more squeeze through her pants before you step away from her and push the open door button.

you wander out of the elevator, and you don't have to look behind you to know sevika's following after you like a lost puppy.

the morning flies by. friday mornings are always busy: everyone trying to get their shit done before the weekend.

but once lunch comes around, you manage to get a few minutes alone with her.

"sevika." you say in your professional voice, not letting on to your plan. she looks up from her desk at you, her eyebrow raised.

"'sup baby?"

you smirk. she's never able to keep the petnames out of the office. it makes you flustered and giddy.

"i just went out to get us food, i think your car has a flat." you lie. sevika groans, getting out of her seat to follow you to the elevator.

you lead her to her car in the parking garage-- all alone in the very back of the parking lot. she has her own spot right by the entrance to the building, but she's always lending it out to people in the company. (stephanie when she was pregnant. larry when he broke his foot. right now, seamus, because he's started refusing to charge you for his edibles now that he knows his boss is the one eating them.)

she's scowling at her car when you get there, her eyes darting around it, you chuckle, then drag her toward the driver's seat.

"get in." you say.

"why? did the light come on or something? the tires look--" she cuts herself off with a whimper when you smack her ass.

"get in." you repeat.

sevika scrambles inside her car lightning fast, pushing the carseat all the way back and patting her lap eagerly for you to sit on top of her. you laugh as you crawl in, and she slams the door, dragging you on top of her while she presses kiss after kiss to your skin. you can't stop giggling.

"sevika!" you squeal. your ass hits the horn, and you both jump when the car honks. sevika bursts into laughter, and you grin at her.

"get your dick out." you demand as you start to shuffle off her lap, awkardly cramming yourself between her legs and the steering wheel. sevika groans, tearing at her pants so hard her button comes loose. you gasp, turned on by your wife's urgency.

(you keep a sewing kit in your desk for this express purpose)

"gimmie the button." you snort when the button goes flying. sevika scrambles for it, putting it in your hand so you can keep it safe in your back pocket before you guys get back inside.

you don't waste time once you're between her legs. spitting on your hand, you start to jack her off while you kiss and suck on her tip.

"fuck." sevika curses. you suck the head of her dick, then pull off with a pop, before spitting on her again, giggling when her cock twitches.

"put your hands under your ass." you demand. sevika groans.

"but i wanna tou--"

you glare up at her, ceasing your hand's movement. sevika whimpers, then shifts to shove her hands under her ass. you kiss her thigh.

"good girl." you say simply before taking her cock all the way down your throat.

sevika whimpers, her thighs shaking as you gently hold her steadily hardening cock in your mouth.

feeling her grow in your mouth, your throat slowly but surely filling, your airways getting more and more constricted-- it suddenly hits you that this is going to be just as much torture for you today as it is for her. your cunt is throbbing.

a rush of endorphins fills your veins as the urge ruin sevika overtakes you. you groan around her cock, pull off for a breath, then start bobbing up and down on her dick, horrible squelching noises filling the car.

in the distance, a car horn beeps. sevika squeaks, and you laugh around her cock.

she starts whipping her head around, looking in all the mirrors to make sure nobody's nearby, and you use her distraction to reach up and start gently tugging and palming her balls.

sevika's cock pulses suspiciously hard. you pull off her with a gag, then grin up at her.

"you're close already?" you ask, giggling. sevika whimpers, her hips humping the air as she tries to get your lips on her again. you dodge all her attempts.

"n-no." she lies. you raise an eyebrow at her.

"really? so if i put my tits around you 'n let you fuck 'em right now you wouldn't--"

you're cut off by a sweet, pathetic whine escaping sevika's lips. you laugh, then dart forward to kiss the weeping tip of her cock. she shudders.

"we got ten minutes before the next meeting baby." you say, kissing her thigh and gently starting to tug her pants up her body.

"wait, no, i want more--"

"you'll get more, love." you promise, tucking her dick into her waistband and zipping up her pants. "but right now we gotta sew your button back on and get you to your next meeting."

sevika groans, but with a few sweet (and one or two dirty) kisses, you manage to get her out of the car.

the meeting's only supposed to last an hour. and then, sevika's not nothing scheduled for the rest of the day, so she's free to go home early. which means you're free to go home early. which means you're meaner to her than you usually would be during your afternoon meeting, knowing that you'll both be home and relieved in two hours.

you sit right beside her, instead of your usual spot in the back of the room. and when the lights and blinds go down and the projector comes out, your hand may or may not find its way onto her upper thigh under the table.

you're gentle, just a finger running up and down the length of her cock tucked away in her pants.

sevika's gnawing on her pen, her hands ripping the packet of papers in front of her into little strips.

you have to keep reminding yourself to pay attention, to rip your eyes away from your wife's face, from the sweet little furrow in her brow and her full lips between her teeth.

things go south when the meeting ends, and seamus lingers behind in the board room with an awkward expression on his face.

you think he's going to call you and sevika out for fondling each other during work hours. he doesn't though, he does something worse.

he tells you that the new international investors you're trying to woo had to reschedule their meeting to tonight. at ten pm.

which means you and sev will be stuck at work. all. day.

you manage to get a second alone with her two hours later in the bathroom. you watch her walk in, then sprint to follow behind her. luckily, there's no one else in the stalls when you push in after your wife, so you quickly turn the main lock on the door and corner her by the sinks.

"you okay?" you ask as you tuck your chin over her shoulder and sling your hands around her waist. she looks back at you in the mirror, a pout on her lips.

"i'm gonna die." she groans. you snort, your hands slowly trailing down to sneak under her un-tucked blouse. you scratch at her abs and she shivers.

"you know the safeword, baby. we can call it quits and try a different day." you remind her, kissing her neck. sevika shivers again, squirming in your grasp, but she doesn't say anything. you grin. "sevikaaa..." you sing. she huffs, then turns around in your arms.

"are you paying attention to anything anyone's saying today?" she asks. you giggle.

"no. are you?"

"no. fuck." she mutters. you laugh.

"we'll figure it out." you promise her, kissing her cheek as your hands reach down to fondle her ass. sevika groans.

around five, when the rest of your co-workers clock out for their weekend, you take sevika for a walk to get dinner.

you guys eat at a little diner, tucked away in a booth.

you have to keep reminding sevika to eat because under the table you've got your foot against her crotch. she's got her hands in fists on either side of her plate, her eyes fixed on your neck, like she's trying to keep herself from jumping across the table and sinking her teeth in your throat.

you kind of hope she does.

despite the fact that she eye fucks you from her desk for the rest of the evening, neither of you act on it. the cleaning crew have keys to all rooms in the building, and they don't pack up until nine.

her meeting's at ten. so once you're alone, you shouldn't get her too worked up.

... but you can't fucking help yourself.

so at nine thirty, while sevika's slowly flicking through notes and files about the investors, you slink up to her desk quietly, hoping not to distract her.

but once you crawl under her desk and between her legs, it's kinda pointless to worry about distracting her.

her thighs are trembling in her trousers on either side of you. her eyes are wide and locked on you, her hands are clenching at the arms of her chair. you smile up at her.

"keep working." you insist, pulling her closer to you. sevika chokes.

you wait, and eventually her eyes flick away from yours to study her notes again. you grin, then duck forward, nuzzling your face against her clothed crotch.

you take an obnoxiously loud inhale, groaning genuinely when the scent of her fills your nose. sevika's dick twitches under your cheek, and you nuzzle against it even further.

"b-baby."

"mmhmm?" you hum, continuing to rub your face against her cock.

"fuck, what're you doing?"

"mmm... just lovin' you." you promise. you lick gently against her trapped cock and sevika jolts in her seat. you grin.

"quit it!" she grunts. you giggle, closing your mouth and resting your head against her thigh. sevika sighs, looking down at you with desperation in her eyes, and you pout up at her.

"you okay?" you ask again. sevika whimpers, and you push out from under her desk to stand.

"i'm fine." sevika promises when you take her face in your hands. "i just-- really want you." she groans. you smirk.

"probably not as bad as i want you."

"no fuckin' way." sevika snorts, shaking her head.

"guess we'll just have to wait 'n see." you say, shrugging. sevika huffs.

her meeting goes well. for the first hour.

but after a while, you get restless watching your wife talk to her laptop screen. an evil plan forms in your head, one that you try to ignore, but you can't.

especially not when sevika starts palming herself under her desk as she talks.

you start subtle. walking around her office and closing all the blinds, turning off the lamps on the other side of her office. you make it look like you're just getting ready to leave.

sevika doesn't look up from her laptop at you until you park yourself in the middle of her office, a smirk on her lips as you stand within perfect view of her desk.

she raises an eyebrow at you before her eyes dart back down to her screen. you just giggle and reach up to slowly start unbuttoning your shirt.

"i think it's essential that we treat our investors as teammembers rather than b-b..." sevika trials off, her eyes stuck on you as you fling your shirt behind your shoulder. you wink at her, then unclasp your bra, letting it slide down your arms.

"ma'am?" a voice asks from her laptop. sevika gulps, then looks down at her laptop.

"sorry, i think my connection froze for a second there." she grunts. you choke on a giggle, then start unzipping your pants.

sevika starts to talk again, her eyes darting between you and her screen as you slowly get naked.

they're wrapping up their meeting, you can tell. and while the international investors may just be starting their day, sevika's had a long one, so you don't feel too guilty as you pull out your final move to speed this meeting along.

you slowly approach sevika's desk, swinging your hips a little extra as you do. sevika's eyes are glued on you.

you sit down in the chair across her desk, crossing your legs and smirking at her. sevika's eyes dart back to the screen.

you grin at her distraction then lift both of your legs and plant them on the edge of her desk, spreading them and giving her a clear view of your sopping wet cunt.

you reach down to start toying with your clit, and at the sound of your gentle sigh, sevika looks up from her laptop again.

she chokes when she does.

"oh fuck!" she growls.

"sorry?" a voice on the computer asks. sevika glares at you then snaps her attention back down to her laptop, stuttering out an apology.

you grab your tit with your free hand, then sink two fingers into your cunt, biting your lip to keep from moaning, then moaning anyways when the loud squishing sound of your wet cunt start to fill sevika's office.

sevika gasps, stutters out a polite but rushed goodbye, then slams her laptop closed.

she's on you in a second, ripping you out of your chair and throwing you down against her desk. you giggle, parting your legs and tilting your hips to give her a better view of your wet cunt. sevika smacks your ass hard, and you squeak.

"you're in so much shit." sevika growls. you giggle, wiggling your ass at her again, and sevika chuckles darkly. "i love you so fuckin' much." she grunts. you gasp when the head of her cock starts sliding between your folds. sevika smacks your ass again.

"you gonna fuck me? gimmie all that cum you've been holdin' in for me all day?" you tease.

sevika doesn't answer verbally. she just sinks all eight inches of her inside of you with no warning. you squeal.

she starts fucking you with loud wet smacking sounds, and when your arms give out and you collapse against her desk, she grabs you by the neck to hoist you up.

"been thinkin' about this pussy all day." she growls. you grin. "you drive me fuckin' nuts, baby."

"you're so fuckin' good for me sev." you sputter out. she growls, her hips pistoning even faster in and out you. she loses her grip on your neck and you flop forward. she follows you, pinning you to her desk with her torso.

it's uncoordinated and primal, sevika grinding into you with a grunt each time, drooling against your neck as she bites it.

"you're leakin' around my cock like a fuckin' slut." she growls. you giggle.

"you're the one that's had a hard-on for me all day." you remind her. she smacks you ass and you gasp, clenching around her dick.

for a game you were meant to control, sevika's a bit too coherent for your taste. you can fix that.

"god, but you did so good for me, didn't you baby?" you ask, making your voice sweet and soft for her. sevika's breath hitches, and you can feel the way her dick jumps inside of you. "answer my question." you growl, reaching up behind you to tug her hair. sevika whimpers.

"yes, fuck." she whines. you grin.

"i was only gonna tease you 'til two, y'know. was gonna take you home after our meeting and ride you into our bed. but you're such a good fuckin' girl for me, aren't you?" you coo. sevika mewls in your ear.

"i-i--"

"you close?" you ask, able to read her mind. she grunts against you and you giggle. "not too close, i hope." you tease. sevika whimpers, freezing against you.

"wha? w-why not?" she asks, desperate and pathetic. you giggle at the fear in her voice, turning your head to press a kiss to her cheek.

"mm, 'cause i got myself real worked up in the car this morning thinkin' about you fuckin' my tits." you say, clenching around her cock. sevika gasps. "but i wanna cum on your dick before i let you cum all over my face. think you can do that for me baby?" you ask.

sevika shudders on top of you, her fingernails clawing into your hips as she tries to collect herself.

"'m close, baby, won't take much." you promise her, wiggling your ass against her hips. she doesn't respond. she just starts fucking you, her hand shoving it's way between your legs to rub your clit as she pounds your cunt.

"fuck, fuck, i love you, i love you." sevika cries. you gasp.

"s-s-sevika, jus' like that baby, good girl, good girl, fuck!" you cry as you cum.

sevika pulls out of you the second you start clenching around her, but she makes up for it by shoving her fingers inside your cunt and working you through your orgasm with them. she's gasping and shivering against you, and you grin when you realize why she pulled out so suddenly.

"d'ya almost cum in my pussy, baby?" you slur, drunk on pleasure. sevika nods against the nape of your neck.

"felt too good." she whimpers. you grin, then reach back and pat her thigh.

"help me to my knees." you whisper.

sevika shoves more than she helps, but you don't blame her. she's been waiting sixteen hours now.

there's a wet stain on her pants-- your arousal having wet her thighs and crotch fabric. you guide sevika to sit in the chair you had just sat in, and she collapses, her eyes trapped on your tits as you shove yourself between her thighs.

you use your hands to push your tits together, and sevika shoves her cock between them. both of you moan at the feeling, and you start to fuck your tits on her cock, spitting on the head each time it pokes out between your cleavage.

she's going to cum. it's only been a minute but she's already letting out those beautiful breathy whimpers, and her thighs are vibrating.

you grin up at her, lick you lips, then speak. "you can cum for me baby. you've been so fuckin' good for me, lettin' me edge you all day-- show me how much you've been savin' for me. show me how crazy i drive you, honey. gimmie your--"

you choke on her cum before she can finish, giggling as she paints your face and chest.

"shit!" sevika gasps. you blink up at her, smiling, and she collapses against her chair. "shit." she says again, a deep belly laugh bubbling up and out of her.

you grin up at her in adoration, and she smiles down at you, gently knocking her knuckles against your cheek in a faux punch. you kiss her fingers as they graze your lips.

"you okay?" you ask. sevika snorts.

"better than ever." she says, nodding. you laugh.

"yeah?"

"fuck yeah, baby." she reaches up, scooping some of her cum off of your cheek then shoving her finger in your mouth. you hum around it. "next time i'm edging you, though." she says. you chuckle.

"oh really?" you ask. sevika grins then hinges forward at her waist to bend down and kiss you. you hum against her, and then she pulls away to lick her cum off your face you groan. "sev, gross!"

she chuckles against you, not letting you go as she licks you up and bites your cheeks. eventually, she's licked your cringing face clean, and she presses a sweet kiss to your cheek.

"i love you so fuckin' much." she whispers. you grin.

"i love you too, baby."

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

[everymlmhybrid]

ALSO @ anon from a few weeks ago who asked about my fic read that ↓↓↓ bc somehow i explained it way better this time idk what happened to me last time

[yumiis]

headcannons for getting drunk with tgc?

like how high their tolerance to alcohol is,

what they usually have,

and stuff similar?

ignore my 'ideas' if you dont wanna do them <3

🫧 anon

absolutely!! i love making hcs like this (i also won't be including larry bc he isn't of legal age to drink :P)

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 drunk ; tgc boys

　 ﾟ･｡･ﾟ

genre/type: fluff/humor, headcanons

read below!

ISAAC;

absolute unbeatable tolerance. insane tolerance. dude can take 6 shots of everclear and still walk a straight line.

you've only seen isaac blackout ONCE, and it was complete accident. you hadn't seen isaac drinking that much, but he was actually borderline drunk. he asked you in a pretty sober sounding voice, "how many drinks have i had? should i stop?" you say, "i've only seen you take like 2 shots. drink some more!"

horrible move. he blacked out and also woke up with the world's worst hangover.

ever since then though, his tolerance, like i said, is rock solid.

he likes the classic drinks, so i'd say he likes a good screwdriver.

super clingy and COCKY when he's drunk.

drowning you in kisses and hugs, and he goes, "babe, i'm soooo hot. i'm soooo hot and sexy.."

"sure you are."

your two options are to kill his ego or boost it, but it kills you too much to deflate his ego.

"how cocky was i last night?"

"yeah."

TANNER;

moderately normal tolerance, maybe a TINY bit lower than the average person in their mid-20's.

like, if we're measuring in shots of vodka again, like 4 1/2 shots he'd be gone. not black out gone, but "i'm gonna talk about every celebrity i could probably pull" gone.

he's such a YAPPER when he's drunk dude.

will probably do the trend of writing fake band names to try and make you laugh

he's dancing around to loud ass music in the kitchen, invites you to dance with him, he immediately starts shoving himself against you

he won't shut up about how much he loves you

he's definitely got his head in your lap and he's making you play with his hair and listen to him talk

however you have to stop him talking at a certain point, because he'll just start having a crisis and making himself sad.

he's never blacked out, but he has terrible hangovers.

favorite drink? he strikes me as a daiquiri kinda guy. he'd love them.

but if it's more casual drinking at home, he's happy with some soju.

NICK;

literally AVERAGE tolerance.

about 2-3 shots of vodka has him tipsy, 4-6 has him drunk, and don't give him more than 8, he might start drunkenly making an album.

he's not a clear liquor guy, he prefers browns like brandy or scotch.

there is almost ALWAYS a bottle of whiskey in the fridge for nick, he never runs out.

he drinks regularly, but he doesn't HEAVILY drink on those nights.

he's super sleepy when he's drunk. he could literally fall asleep anywhere if given the opportunity

he could be laying on the floor to "stretch his back" he's asleep 10 minutes later

you have to carry this dude to bed (and if you can't do it alone, isaac helps you)

like i said he prefers drinking brown liquors, so i think he'd maybe like a tequila sunrise or just straight whiskey

BLAKE;

"i have a ROCK SOLID tolerance!" dead in 3 shots. don't listen to him lie to you

every time you and the guys go out for dinner at like chilis or something, blake orders a margarita and everyone sighs in unison

the margarita gets him on the verge of drunk. just a little past tipsy.

he can HARDLY casually drink with anyone because his tolerance is just THAT bad

you constantly pick at him for it but he's just accepted it at this point

he's so SILLY when he's drunk man

cracking jokes that do NOT land at all and are not funny unless he's talking to a bunch of drunk people

"so the.. uh.. what? yeah.. uh.."

he suddenly forgets english

he can barely formulate a SINGLE sentence and he's basically speaking in mumbles

he's like speaking in fancy or speaking in riddles like a troll under the bridge or some shit

you have to baby him while he's drunk or he won't know what the hell is going on

i think he honestly.. just likes whatever he can get his hands on.

[mymomhatesmyguts]

Budweiser (connor murphy x fem!reader)

Scenario: You're one of Connor's best friends- his only friend, in fact. You snuck through his window as you do every Friday, only to find him drunk and sobbing.

A/N: i wrote this in 2nd person but is 1st person preferred? idk, its my first time writing fanfics on tumblr :)

"Con..." You say, gently reaching out to touch his shoulder, to offer some sense of relief, even though you can tell he's far beyond hugging it out at this point.

"No, just-" He cuts himself off with a drunken hiccup as tears roll down his face. "Just leave me alone." He buries his head in his hands, his back shaking with sobs. You wish you could take him in your arms, kiss his pretty face until he stops crying, but you're just friends. Thats all. Thats all you'll ever be.

"Connor, please? Tell me what's wrong?" You coo, your voice soft enough to mirror the voice of a mother speaking to her child. He just shakes his head, flinching slightly as you rub his back gently. "Connor..." You coax, finally getting him to look up at you with his reddened, tear filled eyes.

"You don't love me." He says with a sniffle before bursting into sobs once more.

"I... what? Of course I love you." You say, almost incredulous. And it's true, of course it's true. You love him more than a dog loves his master, crave him more than a flower craves the sun, need him as much as a starving man needs a warm meal. But how can you tell your best friend that when he's drunk and sobbing on his creaky mattress at one in the morning?

"No!" He says, suddenly raising his voice as he stands up abruptly. "No, no, no, you don't love me the way I love you!" The tears roll of his cheeks like raindrops in a thunderstorm. He hiccups dryly, slurring his speech as he continues. "I... I want to kiss you and I want... I want you to be my girlfriend-"

"Connor, you're drunk." You cut him off, almost numb with shock.

"But that doesn't mean my feelings arent real!" He says, shouting now, without any regard for his sleeping sister and parents.

"Con..." Your voice is soft again, kind, the honey-sweet voice he's come to crave every night. "Believe me. If you were sober I would... I would kiss you right now, but you're drunk. I don't want this to be a drunken regret, and I don't want to take advantage of you." You say sternly, but not unkindly. Connor sinks to the bed, smiling goofily now.

"Yeah?" He says, grinning ear-to-ear like a fool. He giggles, then hiccups again, which makes you laugh and then you're both laughing and trying to shush each other at the same time, for fear of awaking Zoe, or worse- Cynthia and Larry.

"Yeah." You whisper, smiling at his dumb grin as you stand, dusting off your jeans. "Text me in the morning if you still feel the same when you're sober, yeah?"

"M'kay. G'night.." He slurs, falling backwards onto his bed.

"Sweet dreams," You whisper as you slide open the window, but as you turn back to check on him one last time, he's already snoring into his tear-stained pillow.

A/N: AAAHHHH i'm scared this is really bad but whatever ig?? i looooove connor sm i think we should actually get married. feedback in comments pls? 🥺🥺

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

Lord Death Man:

Lord Death Man: Hi.

Red Hood: Hello... who are you again?

Lord Death Man: I am Batman's nemesis, Lord Death Man and you-

Red Hood (sighing annoyed): I remembered your voice. The voice is back in my brain.

Orphan: Hi, Death man, good to see you again. All in one piece this time.

Lord Death Man: Good to see you as well. Thanks for sewing me back up after you tricked me into stepping on the land mine.

Orphan: It's the least I can do... even though you're incredibly annoying.

LDM: You are such a kidder. Now where is Batman! I am ready to fight him for he is my-

Red Hood: I fucking can't with this voice!

Red Hood shoots LDM in the chest and walks off. Orphan follows behind him.

Orphan: What do you think he wants?

Red Hood: Don't care, let's hurry before he revives himself.

Lord Death Man standing a few seconds later.

LDM: Hey, hey get back here and take me to Batman!

Red Hood: Run!

Orphan: On it!

The two run away as LDM chases them.

Orphan: Wait, can I borrow your gun?

Red Hood: Uh, sure.

Orphan takes the gun and shoots Lord Death Man in different fatal (but can't kill him) spots while counting: Un, deux, trois, quatre et cinq.

Lord Death Man drops to the ground, twitching.

Orphan: We have five minutes because I shot him in the throat and crotch, which takes longer to bounce back from. You have to shoot him more than once and I used all your bullets.

Orphan tosses Jason his gun back and walks off, humming. Red Hood looks at his gun and then Orphan. He follows behind her half impressed, but confused.

Jason: How did you figure out the crotch thing? Orphan, I need an answer to this.

...

Hours later

Beast Boy: Don't freak out, but there is a man with a skull watching us from a distance.

Dick Grayson sighs and continues drinking his coffee.

Dick: Not even turning around.

Beast Boy: Hey.. Hey buddy? Grayson pinches the bridge of nose. Dick: Don't wave at him. Beast Boy: Shush, skull guy, who are you?

LDM: Um... Larry.

Beast Boy: Larry?

Dick Grayson's eye twitches and he crushes his coffee cup in his hand.

Beast Boy: Okay your reaction makes me want to ask him more. Hey, Larry... why the heck you spying on us?

Larry: Not you, the other one. He knows Batman and I am his nemsis!

Beast Boy: He's not in disguise, how do you know it's Nightwing?

Larry: ... Cause I have eyes. The eye mask doesn't hide much.

Dick lifts his head, enraged. Larry said his trigger word.

Dick: You're about to find out why he's called Lord Death Man. Larry, let's talk!

He stands and walks over to Lord Death Man and pummels him in the thankfully empty diner.

Beast Boy: Yeah, he doesn't like people insulting the eye mask.

...

Lord Death Man (barely) remains hidden behind a tree. Stephanie (in Spoiler disguise) spots him while apprehending Kite- Man.

LDM: 'Scuse me, have either of you seen Batman!

Spoiler: Oh Christ not you again.

Kite-Man: Who is he and why does he sound like skeletor? Great show, btw. You should check it out.

LDM: I am LORD DEATH MAN and I am Batman's nemesis!

Kite-Man: Nemesis?

Spoiler: Rival, he means rival.

Kite-Man: Oh like us?

Spoiler: Everyday I know you I regret my life choices. Lord- I can not call you that name, I'll just say Skeletor. Skeletor, Batman is not around... he fell into a portal and won't be around for a while. Long while. Leave Gotham while. The guy you've seen isn't the Batman... he's uh...

Kite-Man: A man bat! Who has no idea who you are. The real Batman won't be back for a week or so. Right, rival?

Kite-Man elbows Spoiler with a smile. She sighs then nods.

Spoiler: Yup, man bat and he doesn't know you. I can call Red Hood, Orphan or Nightwing instead. Nightwing especially wants to deal with you again.

LDM backed away terrified, running off at such a speed it leaves a dust cloud.

Spoiler (regret in her voice): Thank... you.

Kite-Man: No prob, rival. Thanks for saying Skeletor. Does he talk like that all the time?

Spoiler (nodding): His voice is stuck in my head like a mind numbingly catchy song. The skull is his head too. Kite-Man: If his head is nothing by a skull how does he speak clearly? Spoiler: Nobody has figured it out yet. He makes me appreciate the villains I have. Kite-Man (happy): I needed that compliment, Spoiler. Thank you.

Spoiler: The moment I said that I regretted it. Let's get you to jail so I can go home.

Spoiler finishes locking the cuffs and turns Kite-Man around to walk him to a precinct.

Spoiler: You got a venue you for the wedding yet? Kite-Man: Yes, the church we attend. Well she goes there more than me, but it's a nice set up. You want me to send you the invitation or hand it to you when we meet up again? Spoiler (sarcastically): Oh hand it to me when we meet up I totally won't use it to have Batman track and arrest you.

Kite-Man (missing her tone): Good looking out. Glider says 'hi'.

Spoiler: Fan-tastic.