#listen I know I’m beyond late af okay

[moodyvoid]

I finally decided to start my marvel cinematic universe journey (in order of release, ya girl has got a long way to go) and I just finished Thor and omg Loki is such a disastrous little brat I’m in love with him

[tsumuki]

haikyuu boys as different types of love languages

a/n basically the boys i think most embody the 5 basic love languages; super random but

physical touch as sugawara koushi

constantly touching you in some way whether it be patting your head, holding you hand, rubbing your back

greets you with a hug and kiss every morning and every night when he drops you off

also guides you by having his hand on the small of your back in the hallways, so it’s not as obvious as holding hands

but in private he’s all over you, laying on top of while you have your arms and legs wrapped around him, when you’re cooking he’s hugging you from behind, or when you’re working he’ll take your hand and use the excuse “i can type with one hand”

“koushi i cant breathe” you say as he lays on top of you, in attempt to cuddle you.

“it’s okay you can die like this” he says as he nuzzles further into your neck. you hit his back lightly, letting out an airy laugh. his warmth spreads through your body and you inhale his scent.

he gets up and looks at you as he flips you over, so now your laying on his chest and straddling his waist. “better now?” he says with a cheeky grin.

you feel your cheeks heat up as you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling his face closer, teasing him as your lips brush against each other.

“so that’s how you wanna play?” he questions as he quirks his brow, he moves his hands lower to your waist pulling you even closer.

“two can play at this game babe.”

words of affirmation as oikawa tooru

oikawa is no stranger to self doubt and insecurities, but since he knows what it feels like, he never wants you to feel that way

tells you everyday that he loves you, even if you guys are fighting, he will make an effort to send at least a text, reminding you that he loves you

reminds you every morning how beautiful you look, definitely a great hype man.

knows that his fan girls can be a lot sometimes, so he puts in extra effort to reassure you he only has eyes for you

you felt pathetic, crying on your boyfriends bedroom floor pouring out your insecurities. his fan girls were so beautiful, thin, and what were you?

his heart aches as he wraps his arms around you, cooing in your ear. if he could take the pain away he would, but he can’t. so he speaks up instead,

“baby, you know what i love about you?” he waits for a reply, continuing when he’s met with silence,

“i love when your eyes light up when you talk, or how you look when the moon lights your face when we walk at night.”

he hears your cries start to soften, his heart warming as he continues.

“i also love how your cheeks lift when you smile, or how your hair flows when you let it down” he kisses your head,

“baby i could go on, but we’d never stop. i know how you’re feeling, but if you remember anything i tell you tonight, remember, you’re my world. if only you could see yourself from my eyes, you’d love yourself beyond compare. and i’ll always be here to remind you of what you’re worth”

he kisses the top of your head and lifts your head up so you meet eyes, “okay?”

“okay.”

quality time as kenma kozume

introverted bby so he prefers staying in with you, usually orders food and listens to you ramble about your day or whatever else is on your mind

isn’t the most talkative, but a great listener. when you’ve run out of things to talk about you two just enjoy each other’s presence while doing your own thing

always makes an effort to walk you home after school so you can spend more time together

will sometimes show up to your house unannounced and lays on your bed while you do homework or talk to your friends

you don’t have to be talking to each other, but he’s comforted knowing you’re around

“hey babe” you say as you enter his room, he greets you back as you make your way to his bed. he lifts up his arms allowing you to rest your head on his lap.

“how was your day” he says, eyes still glued to his monitor. you rub his thigh and start your ramble about today’s stories, but then you stop. worry creeping in about talking to much and potentially annoying him since he was gaming.

“why’d you stop, i’m still listening babe”

although it’s small, you can’t help but feel your heart swell knowing you’re not a bother to him, even with your constant rambling.

not long after you two fall into a comfortable silence and you get up and pull out your work from your bag and mindlessly start. you notice kenma starting to dose off, soon he’s the one who rests his head on your lap.

you sigh contently as you bring your hand to his hair and play with the ends, he hums when he feels your touch. you smile as you push your work the the side and you close your eyes as well, dosing off as well.

you can always finish your work later, you think to yourself as you slip into unconsciousness, your hand still playing with kenma’s hair.

acts of service as iwaizumi hajime

isn’t the best with words so decides to let his actions do the talking

does small things like walking you to class even if his class is the other way or walk you home even if he’s tired from practice

i also believe he’s a great cook, so he prepares lunches and snacks for you while he’s making his

also when your sick he’ll pick up your work from your classes, prepare some food for you, and will care for you while you’re sick

or when you’re stressed w school or work he’ll tidy up your room / house so you come home to a clean space so you’re able to relax. overall motherly af

everything was falling apart. no matter how much you tried to balance out your school, work, social life, and clubs it never worked out, something was always overlooked and missed.

you received many texts and reminders from iwaizumi to not over work yourself. although you knew you should’ve told him, you hid it from him, not wanting him to worry. he has been working so hard with his work, that you don’t want to add any stress. so you put on a smile.

you groan as you clock out of work, making your way back to you and iwaizumi’s apartment. once you get home you’re met with a delicious aroma. you’re confused, to your knowledge iwaizumi had been working late tonight.

you make your way into the apartment to be met with iwa’s back to you, as he cooks something on stove. you scan the apartment to see your books and papers organized and everything that littered the floors and tables, put away and tidied.

you exhale contently, your heart swelling at the sight as he turns around and pulls you into his arms rubbing your back. the simple act makes your eyes water.

“i know how stressed you’ve been. you don’t have to hide it” is all he says, and your few tears turn into sobs. he stays silent as he continues rubbing your back trying to sooth you, letting you know he’s here. once your tears dry he kisses your temple.

“i have a bath running for you babe, wash up and we’ll eat when you’re done” he says as he kisses you again, “and i’ll bring your clothes, they’re in the dryer”

you feel your eyes water again, not because of stress or sadness, but because you can’t contain how much you truly love him. you smile and nod, pulling him to hug him again.

“thank you so much.”

gift giving as akaashi keiji

mans is a sucker for cheesy romantic stuff

brings you a bouquet every time you guys have a date, isn’t necessarily the biggest bouquet but makes an effort to bring you one every time

goes ham when it’s your birthday, christmas, valentines, etc. holiday? you better prepare to be bombarded with gifts.

also loves taking you shopping. you always tell him he doesn’t have to buy you anything but insists. and when you see something you like but decide against getting it, he’ll buy it for you the next day

even small things like when he’s walking home and he sees a stuffed bear, he’ll buy it for you saying “it reminded him of you and he absolutely had to get it” or picking up your favorite snack and bringing it to you at much

you always tell him he doesn’t have to get you anything to be happy but he insists, that doesn’t mean you don’t shower him in gifts as well

you’re rushing through your apartment as you’re putting the final touches on your outfit for you and akaashi’s date. you jump when you hear the doorbell.

you swing the door open to be met with a face full of flowers. you blush at the sight, no matter how many times you’ve received flowers from him, you’re still flustered. you gesture him to come in, taking the flowers from his hands, thanking him.

“hey babe you look great” he says as he kisses you on the cheek. you smile back as you put the flowers into the vase with the preexisting flowers.

“you know i’m gonna drown in flowers one day if you keep getting me them babe” you say in a joking tone, he chuckles with you, “at least you’ll die a beautiful death” he retorts, laughing as you lightly hit his shoulder

he smiles as he takes both your hands, looking you up and down, “beautiful absolutely beautiful” he says, voice full of admiration. your heart swells at his simple words. “only for you” you say with a smile resting softly on your face.

“you know what would make it better though?” he asks, you shoot him a confused look and he reaches in his pocket pulling out a small velvet box.

your eyes widen and heart drops as he reveals a simple ring. he laughs at your obviously shocked expression, “hey it’s just a promise ring,” he starts, worry slightly seeping from his words, “don’t worry, this is just as a reminder, that i’ll love you forever” he finishes as he slips the ring onto your finger

you feel your eyes slightly water at his words, feeling overwhelmed with your emotions. cupping his cheeks and pulling him in for a kiss.

“so promise you want drown in my flowers before i make it a real one” he says with a cheeky grin

“promise.”

[winterxjxsmine]

This is my birthday present for @allforthestickball. I wish I was a writer so I could write you something better or I wish I could give you something you wanted but this is the only thing I can offer right now so I hope you like it, I love you, happy birthday!

Before you read this keep in mind that English isn't my native language so there are definitely mistakes in this. This is the first time I'm attempting to write Andreil and it was scary af I don't know how you all are doing it,, I really tried,,

Trigger warnings: panic attacks, mention of Nathan torturing Neil in the past

Neil always knew how to read behind Andrew's words but sometimes even he was getting a little confused. Or that one time Neil couldn't see behind Andrew’s words and let his insecurities torture him.

Today was a good day. Neil woke up beside his partner a couple of minutes before his alarm like every day. Dorm beds were very small and definitely not made for two people, but Andrew and Neil soon found out that sleep comes easier when they’re sleeping together, so it didn’t matter.

Today was a good day. “starring” Andrew had said with a hoarse voice from sleep when he woke up and saw Neil looking at him like he was the most interesting thing in the world like every day. It was a part of their routine by now. 

Today was a good day. Andrew and Neil after a small make-out session when Kevin finally left them alone got up, made and ate breakfast together, and like every other day, they got ready and left for early practice with the rest of the monsters. They held hands on the way to the court ignoring Nicky's exciting glaring from the back seat, they shared more private kisses in the locker room when everyone was already in the court who made Wymack later threaten them with marathons because they were late.

Today was a good day until it wasn't. Everything in practice ran smoothly. Kevin complained the whole time about the team’s performance, Nicky about how sleepy he is and why practice is so early, Matt made jokes to make Neil laugh, everything was good. When practice was over everyone went back to the locker rooms to get changed, Neil with Kevin stayed behind to talk about game strategies as always. When Kevin headed to the locker rooms too Neil saw Andrew and Renee not far away from him so he started heading towards them.

Neil didn’t mean to eardrop at Andrew’s and Renee’s conversation but what he heard made every word die in his mouth. “if you feel this way about him maybe you should tell him, he’s your boyfriend after all.” Renee spoke carefully as always. Both friends were oblivious to Neil’s presence. Andrew gave her one of his famous death glares. What Andrew wasn’t telling him? Neil frowned but tried not to jump to conclusions. “He’s not my boyfriend,” Andrew growled almost offended at the accusation. Renee sent him a knowing look and Andrew huffed. “I’ll get bored of him eventually.” they were his next words before he threw his unfinished cigarette in the concrete.

Neil's mouth suddenly went very dry and his stomach was knotted. Andrew's last two phrases echoed in his mind again and again. "Neil hi" Renee's voice brought him back to reality. He just looked at her for a few seconds not trusting his mouth to speak right now."Is everything okay?" He thought he heard her ask when she saw his pale face and his tense figure. That seemed to catch Andrew's attention who almost immediately turned around to look at him as well. "Uh yes yes, I just- I'm just gonna take a shower." He tried to keep his face blank and without waiting any longer he awkwardly turned and disappeared from their view.

"He's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend." Neil couldn't stop thinking of Andrew's words. They started their 'this' two years ago. They never talked about what exactly they were but Neil was certain that after all of this Andrew had stopped denying that they had something. In his conversation with Renee, he didn't say that they weren't something, he just said that..they weren't boyfriends but if they're not boyfriends then what are they? It's something that they both have to spend their time on? No, for Neil Andrew was so much more than that. He was feeling emotions he never felt before and he was pretty sure he would never feel again for anyone else. For Neil, Andrew was his whole world. He believed from Andrew's actions that he felt the same for him but Andrew denying that there isn't something between them after all this time is ridiculous.

"I'll get bored of him eventually." He hadn't listened to Andrew saying this for so long and he's not even sure why it bothered him so much. The truth is that Neil sometimes feared that he wasn't enough for Andrew. Even though the other boy had his full attention to him that didn't mean that someday Andrew wouldn't get tired and bored of Neil. Who he was anyway? A broken soul beyond fixing with scars all over his body and face. The butcher's son doppelganger. Sometimes he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror, maybe Andrew would feel the same someday.

And what was that Andrew was hiding from him? What if he wanted to tell Neil he doesn't feel the same? What if he wanted to remind him that he's just spending his time with him and nothing more? A wave of fear almost paralyzes Neil. What..what if Andrew is already bored of Neil? What if he wants to break up with him already? But no, this doesn't make sense. Andrew wouldn't act this way if he wanted to leave him. His behavior simply didn't match this theory. Neil sighs forcing himself to relax. He's just being paranoid.

Neil let his insecurities drown him a little more and if he stayed in the shower longer than he used to well nobody had to know. With automatic movements, he started dressing without even noticing Andrew's presence in the room until he spoke. "Everything okay?" He asked looking straight to Neil's blue eyes trying to find in them the right answer. Neil tried to hide a flinch and put his shirt on faster. "Yeah, everything okay." He said pressing a small smile on his lips. He wasn't exactly lying after all. Everything was fine, nothing happened he just had to forget what he heard, this conversation wasn't for his ears anyway. Andrew always had a problem with words. His words never matched his actions so this was another reason to not take it seriously. He just had to puss every feeling in the back of his mind.

"Where are the others?" Neil asked while they were walking to the car and he couldn't see the rest of Andrew's lot. "They got bored waiting for you," Andrew answered with a bored tone and disappeared inside his car. Neil took a deep breath forcing himself to relax before he followed him. They were quiet on the way back as most of the times because they were always communicating better without words so Neil found the fact that he was so bothered by words ironic when Andrew showed him every day with actions. Andrew glanced at Neil curiously many times and at some point, he let his hand hover over Neil's thigh, a silent question. Neil nodded and put his hand over Andrew's offering a small smile at him.

When they arrived at the foxhole tower Neil almost opened the door to get out but Andrew's 'yes or no' stopped him. Neil looked at him and heard himself answer yes and without even realizing it he was already leaning closer until his lips met Andrew's. Without his permission, he felt his body tense and it seemed that Andrew felt it too because he got away from Neil immediately. "Talk," Andrew growled looking at Neil with his usual blank stare. "I don't know what you mean I have nothing to say," Neil answered, crossing his arms over his chest trying to avoid eye contact. Andrew huffed before he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Neil sighed, again. Andrew was his usual self, everything was perfectly fine so why couldn't he just forget about it? He was getting mad at himself. "Andrew I'm just tired." Neil started following him but Andrew didn't stop until he was in the building waiting for the elevator. Neil always preferred the stairs but he didn't trust his trembling legs right now and he didn't want to leave Andrew.

The two boys entered the elevator standing as far away as they could from each other. Neil couldn't stop glaring at Andrew while they were waiting in tense silence. Suddenly the lights started to tremble, the elevator stopped and the lights went completely off. "What..what happened?" Neil murmured frozen in his place. A sudden light flooded the room and Neil soon found out that it was Andrew's phone. He watched him approach the entrance with a carefully placed blank face that betrays nothing about his feelings. "We're stuck, probably power outage," Andrew answered eventually pushing repeatedly the 'emergency’ button without success. Neil's heart began to rise in his chest but he tried to ignore it. Being trapped here makes him immediately think about some of the old darkest moments of his life. His mind traveled to times when his father locked him in his wardrobe or any other small space in the dark to punish him. This was so familiar it made his skin crawl. 

Soon enough the only thing he could see and hear was his younger self crying and begging for his father to show him mercy. At some point he realized he couldn't breathe, his hands felt numb and his legs were trembling even more than before. "Andrew." He almost choked, panic clear in his voice. Andrew was beside him with a hand in his neck pushing him to sit down in a second.

“Neil” Andrew called his name with a stern voice. “Andr- Andrew I can't-” Neil sobbed grabbing Andrew’s hand with his own trying desperately to ground himself. “You’re Neil Abram Josten, striker for the Palmetto state foxes.” Andrew began to say with a steady voice. “No- no- I can’t-'' Neil was feeling nauseous and dizzy, his throat was dry and his lungs were hurting because of the multiple desperate breaths he tried to take. “Repeat after me Neil'' Andrew demanded, grabbing harder at the back of his neck. “You’re Neil Abram Josten, striker for the Palmetto state foxes, you’re safe, your parents are dead, and I’m here.” Neil started to repeat his words with a trembling voice shutting his eyes while he tried to imagine moments of his foxes, and Andrew, and his life as Neil Josten. “Breath with me” Andrew whispered, grabbing with his other hand one of Neil’s and placing it in his chest to help him match his breathing.

A couple of minutes passed and Neil was finally back to himself, his breaths were steadier and his pounding heart was calmer. None of them dared to move. “I’m a mess” Neil murmured tiredly. Why would Andrew want to be with him?. Always a problem, always a responsibility. “What’s new” Andrew moved his hand from Neil’s neck to his hair. “What happened” his piercing look dared Neil to lie. “My father used to..lock me in small places and leave me in the dark for hours.” He explained avoiding Andrew’s eyes. “I’m sorry it’s stupid” he apologized a few seconds later. “Shut up or I’ll gut you” Andrew answered, flicking him in the forehead.

“Aren’t you bored from all of this yet?” Neil asked quietly, his hesitation clearly in his voice. “Aren’t you bored of me yet?” He added before Andrew could speak. Neil was sure that Andrew would reply with a sarcastic comment or something but Andrew seemed to understand how important this conversation was. “What is this?” he asked instead, forcing Neil to make eye contact with him. “Nothing, just..I’ll understand if you’re bored with this, or me” Neil answered, making Andrew frown.

“Don’t be stupid” he growled giving him a hard stare. “There’s no ‘this’ like you always said anyway'' Neil couldn’t stop himself at this point. No one said anything as Andrew gathered his thoughts. “Where did all this come from?” he avoided to answer and Neil felt disappointment in the pit of his stomach. “Am I lying?” Neil pressed and when Andrew didn’t answer he huffed shaking his head in disbelief. Neil moved away from Andrew’s touch. “I’m not your boyfriend and you’ll get bored of me eventually.” Neil continued and saw the moment that realization hit Andrew. “You eardrop my conversation with Renee.” He stated with a blank look. 

“I didn’t mean to” Neil answered quietly. “I thought you were smarter than this Neil.” Andrew sighed moving closer to him. “I just...I just thought..it doesn’t matter, you were clear to me two years ago about this.” Neil dared to look at him in the eyes and almost choked when his eyes met Andrew’s. Angry hazel eyes looking at him.

“Listen to me clearly because I’m gonna say this only once.” Neil nodded and Andrew leaned closer. “Stop making assumptions about things. Just fucking ask me. You listened to two phrases I said and you think you understood everything. There’s a ‘this’ and we’re not just boyfriends.” Andrew said, his hazel eyes burning Neil hoping that his idiot will understand the things he can’t say. Realization hit Neil and his eyes went wide. “Oh,” he said suddenly feeling very stupid. “Yeah oh.” Andrew mocked him. The thing is that Andrew Minyard never was good with words so he always used his actions to show his family that he cared. Neil has no idea why his insecurities blinded him. Andrew showed Neil every day that there was a ‘this’ with his way. He and Andrew aren’t just boyfriends. They’re so much more than that and now Neil finally gets it. “You like me,” Neil stated with a smile forming on his lips. “Idiot,” Andrew murmured. “Oh you, really, really like me.” he teased and Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’ll kill you,” he threatens with no heat behind his words.

“It’s okay because I, really, really like you too.” Neil’s smile got wider, Andrew huffed again but Neil could tell that he wasn’t so unaffected as he wanted to show. “And what's the thing you are hiding from me?” Neil asked suddenly and Andrew took his eyes away from him. “What I already told you.” He answered through his teeth and Neil couldn’t hide his smile. “Yes or no?” he asked him and after Andrew’s consent, together they leaned closer to each other and Neil let Andrew show him how much he cared about him with long heated kisses until the power came back and their foxes came looking for them.

[phoenixyfriend]

Yet Another Karin Time-Travel Concept: Trauma Teen Edition

Listen I came up with two Karin-focus time-travel fic ideas today, you’re getting the one that isn’t a total shitpost.

Late-canon Karin, age seventeen. Traumatized AF, mixed loyalties, angry at the world and not in great shape to like... do things with a reason. Like, she does what she wants, but she's not exactly doing them with any goals in mind except maybe "helping Sasuke." By the time the Fourth War is happening, she's kinda just getting buffeted around by S-ranks and clinging to sanity and some tiny bit of freedom by her teeth.

I mean, she breaks out of jail, but then runs right into Sasuke and his intro to philosophy class with the dead Hokage so

ANYWAY

For various handwave reasons, she gets chucked back in time, arriving some time between the Uchiha Massacre and main cast graduation. Let's say when Naruto's gen is about nine.

She doesn't actually know when or where she is at first, is kinda Fucked Up about how there is no longer a raging war around her, and so she sits down and meditates and finds that:

1. Sasuke is in Konoha and feels Young and Angry. 2. The Sandaime Hokage is??? Alive????? 3. There's a shade of her own chakra in Grass. The kind of "this person died in the last hour" ghost of a presence. Freaky!

She realizes the Approximate Date based on the fact that Sasuke is Baby and there's no Uchiha Clan, and like. She. Doesn't know what to do.

She doesn't want to go back to Grass, especially as the time travel apparently killed her younger self.

She doesn't want to go to Oto, because, uhhhhhhhh, fuck that.

So... this Sasuke hasn't tried to kill her yet? Hasn't saved her baby self either, but she's still vaguely fond of Sasuke and it's not like she can blame The Brat Version for his teen counterpart's bullshit. Also apparently she's an Uzumaki and the only Uzumaki she knows about is in Konoha? So. Like.

She goes to Konoha.

(IDK if she already knew she was an Uzumaki or not. It doesn’t really matter.)

She introduces herself as an Uzumaki, submits herself to the blood tests, lies about like... everything. Because Karin, but also because time-travel.

After a few months of Keeping An Eye On Her they let her meet Naruto, who's ecstatic to have family, and they move in together because fuck it, makes more sense than most things!

But uh. Karin.

Karin is Not Okay, as a person.

So there's a careful balancing act going on where Naruto is trying to figure out if she hates him or if she's just like that because Karin is. Very angry. At everyone and everything. And mourning. And just. She's fucked up.

She's always been a little fucked up but now it's worse.

No friends, a single child she barely knows as family, a job she's decent at but doesn't particularly love (they put her in the hospital labs, doing chem or bio testing of some sort), and at one point Naruto just asks if she hates him?

And she says "No, I just... I just hate everything, kid."

Naruto's like "Uhhhhh that sounds bad" and asks Hiruzen and Iruka for advice. They don't have anything particularly helpful. I’m sure Iruka tries.

IDK where I'd go with this long term beyond "Karin ends up running into Anko and (part of) the truth comes spilling out, because fucking medical malpractice" and "at one point Danzo decides to recruit her and she manages to fuck around enough to expose him and/or goads him into attacking her personally and in defending herself, manages to get him to turn himself into a tree, which she isn't even responsible for."

Also at some point she gets actual help and forms a healthier family relationship with Naruto instead of him being like "I wanna help her but I don't think I'm enough" because she's... idk probably bipolar? I'd have to work out the correct diagnosis for the related symptoms.

I'd have to pad out the interpersonal stuff so she's not like... 100% alone

Tfw you finally have family but she's a heavily traumatized former fugitive at risk of developing harmful coping mechanisms like self-harm or substance abuse

(Right okay: one of my headcanons is that Uzumaki have a genetic predisposition to addiction, inspired by Tsunade being... herself.)

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

The Ending of The Everlasting Sun.

Soukoku angst: will have 2 parts, one is Chuuya pov another is Dazai pov (Dazai is part 1 aka this piece. I'll start chuuya's tomorrow)

I’ll do a version for Dazai after (not pov but version so Chuuya can have the dose of Dazai’s pain T_T).

Warnings: Death, gore, violence, angst with just more angst. (idk if i consider dazai ooc but towards the end is mostly how i feel the situation would happen, so kinda ooc)

TBH, I don't know why I wrote this but hey I love feeding peeps and myself angst so, here you go.

The Ending of The Everlasting Sun. | A Soukoku Angst one-shot |

words: 4264

Dazai’s pov- (it swaps between third and first. I know my writing style is weird af)

The sun, a forever gleaming light in life. They say even in death, the sun won’t fade from your view. For light, something that brings reason to a life so pitched in black is everlasting. There is a place that resides within a person the sun that will never leave. Like the memories that one left behind shall forever hold. Memories will not fade, even as the deceased are placed within mounds of dirt, their body left to neatly decompose.

They say it is natural to feel your heart so heavy. To feel so pained when death washes over. Death can change a human, they say, death is rebirth, something shall always come from it. In some ways, Dazai knew the truth of such words. For he’s experienced the death of his light. At least he had thought the brunette, who’d stuck by his suicidal tendencies, his cruel ways, he thought that man had been the light. He had changed, he’d moved on into the light of this world. His heart may still be shadowed in the darkness the mafia left. The memories of those he left may never leave, but he was in the light. He was the light for another now. Still, dark himself, he’d help lead his news pupil to the light. He repeated this so often, yet why, why did his mind travel back to those days, the days when he was alongside that small ginger boy? The boy with anger issues could be heard a mile away, was he important? Why must he feel as if he left behind something important when he’d listened to a friend's dying wish? Surely he was better off now? He felt better, life wasn’t as black or as unlit as it had once been. So why? Why was it always that ginger that popped into his head on those restless nights? He worried so much if he was okay. If he was out there using that uncontrollable side without him. Ever since he left, he’d worried that ginger would do something as stupid as that. So maybe, just maybe, this world had blessed him with two lights. A light to change, that light had left him to save him. Then the second light, the light that showed him he could love and be loved. This world could take both lights to make such a realization, and eventually, this world, so cruel and dark would. Not by fate, but by the hand of an enemy who sought out Dazai’s weakness.

I stood beneath pelting rain, my mind held within it one thought, where was he? Never had the small boy I'd fallen for in my early teens missed a chance to torment me as I had tormented him. Never had he let the phone, to which we still held each other's numbers unblocked, reach the full number of rings before the voicemail kicked in. I had never felt this before. Nor had I the courage to admit such a thing. For feelings were only a danger to men like myself. I am undoubtedly cruel. Even now, in my early twenties, I stand beneath the rain alone. The mistakes of my past hanging over me for somebody to eventually discover. The past profession I had tried to hide and had hidden well for many years was creeping to my heels. The man whom I'd sought help from was gone, his final words my reason to be in the light. If neither side means anything, he told me to help the defenseless, to help the orphans. That is what I did. I left behind the ginger-haired boy whom, I now say with hesitance, I loved. It is a fine point that I was able to decline such things until after I left the mafia, for otherwise, I may have tried to do good whilst in the mafia, so I could stay with my final light within my life. Many have shed their light on me. The orphan I took in has shocked me many times, reading me in a way I thought only Oda, my extinguished light, could. He knew I was mourning that past friend when he found me at his grave. He continues to shock me to this day, the only one who can occasionally see past the mask I've worn since I was 14, since Mori found me. Kunikida has taught me responsibility and morals. There is still a bottle of things I shall never change. Some people can’t change. My mind prevents me from collecting such information about being human. My ability says it all, does it not? It is a perfect description of myself. The intelligence I share with Dostoevsky is merely one of the many things that keep me behind the wall of change. I may do things for another reason, but I am still a shadow over the people around me. I curse them all, I have brought heavy burdens onto the agency, I harm all of those around me. Love is a feeling I'm incapable of. At least, I can not recognize true love, only conclude that is what this pain is. It is a pain like no other, it is not physical, but no sense of being can push away the tangent throb of every beat. It is my mind, and the way I was brought up so young, that initially warped me beyond repair. That is why I am here, running in the rain despite my coworkers protesting to stop me.

Dazai understood the trap he was headed for, but he knew the trap would result in a fatality either way. If it was his death that waited for him, then he was alright with that. If it was painless, and he died a quick death before his mouth could run to say final bidding words to Chuuya, then he’d die. If this taunt was to break him, if he were to be late, he would drop to his knees and beg his old friend, who lay watching over him, to be forgiven for his actions tonight. If some awful being really did oversee this world, let it give Dazai one moment of peace. Let him have one good light stay until he is gone. He couldn’t do it again, the pain of holding a bloodied body within his arms, it would be hell. He knew not of true mourning, the pain of losing the one, who in a storybook, could be considered a soulmate. He knew it, others knew it, so many people knew the way he stared at Chuuya was not a friendly matter. There was lust within his soft chocolate hues, a hidden cave behind closed doors. Secret thoughts hidden in his mind. The things he wished he could have done before he left, the way he wanted to fix things, to regain what he had lost by leaving the mafia.

With every soft patter, Dazai flew between streets and yards. With every step, he grew closer and closer. With every new step, he felt his heart sink. For the area around was brittle and frail. The ground was crushed and indented. Some buildings lay in tattered pieces. Holes the size of beds lay stretched in the buildings and grass. The worst began to form in his head as his legs picked up into a pace he thought he could never take into. His lungs burned with the inhaled drips of water that turned to flames within his lungs. He pushed past the pain, the burn, the tired flail of limbs. His legs grew numb, but he refused to stop until his arms were flying open doors to a building that looked so horribly damaged.

As if I were the show that night, I could remember the lights. My lungs felt like fire, and my legs were ready to buckle beneath my frail body. I had not eaten a proper meal for weeks, my pockets empty from money spent to cover the scars I had littered my body with. The night is a haze within my mind. An unwilling nightmare I wish to set aside and to never look at again. A night I wish could be rewritten. It was a night that even I had thought the same way as Destoveski. My mind was no longer set right, that side of me to which was feared, had ripped from its confines and torn through to confine me to my own mind. I had truly wanted to tear a sheet from the book spoken about so much in this little town of Yokohama. If it meant my lights could come back and this world could change, then I would, I would do it without a blink. I’d make myself the villain to free my light. I would do it for the right reasons. Yet, I could never ruin the lights of others. There would be too many sacrifices to do such a thing at that moment. To this day, I curse myself for thinking like that man, thinking about such things would make me like him. Dostoevsky was no man I wanted to be.

The light pulsed for a moment before illuminating the room in a sharp glow of white. Dazai stood blinded before the room came into focus, the empty space warm in comparison to the pelting rain. For a moment, the world had paused, allowing his mind to make a sharp halt and think. Though his thoughts were not something he wished to hear. The thoughts inside his head screamed an equal verse to the night he’d lost Oda. He had no more time to pause, as soon as he’d adjusted to the blaring lights, he was scanning the room, finding the spots of blood, the corpses littered on the ground. Then, he was running against his will again. The next thing he knew, he was diving forward too quickly brush against the ginger, who’d consumed his thoughts since they reunited all that time ago.

The first thoughts I had when I felt the cloth of his jacket, the same one I had sown hat-rack into when we were 15, were thoughts of panic. I was always the type of man who wore a mask, but that mask only masked my depression. I yearned for death, I lived to be human, and that feeling you have right as you fall victim to death may be my only chance at life. My co-workers were never worried about me. At first, I had shocked them. I remember the way Kunikida halted with his trust, how on my first job he watched me with a hawk's eye. Never once did I not feel the burning gaze of his judgment. I never blamed him, I was a man with an erased past. There was nothing to tell whether I was good or evil. The day I entered the agency, I would have said I was that darker gray that wisps on the side of black. Today, I would tell you I wanted to be the light, to be good, but I am far from it. It shall always be my nature to look up into another and dive within their soul. My hands are skilled in ways of torture. I could shoot down an enemy with my eyes closed. These pieces of me still exist, even though I had locked them to the confine of my mind, a faraway nightmare that haunted me. The faces of the victims who plead because they had family, haunt me. It’s not remorse I feel, it’s a haunting reminder that I shall never see that friend again. When I die, I shall not meet him in the afterlife, if there is one at all. I like to believe that one can look up and think there is such a place. These thoughts, wishes, all suddenly reappeared the moment his body fell to the floor. Yet, even coated in his own blood, his breathing so unsteady I feared he was only a few breaths from death, he remained beautiful. How could I, a genius strategist with an inhumane IQ, let this happen? Why had I not called him, this ginger, ocean-eyed slug? Chuuya, he’d always be those names to me. I still wonder why we call each other such things, but it makes us both feel alive. With him, I could act like a child, as I never had a true chance to be a child. Even now, if I could muster up the courage as I write, I'd twist the narrative so it looked as if I did not care. If I did that, I would dishonor the words we had shared that night.

Dazai rushed over the pavement to grab hold of Chuuya. His hands sliding over the boy's body to pull him over his lap. His eyes are a sea of worry and panic. One of his hands grabbed the boy’s wrist lightly, his pulse was so slow, his eyes were already slowly dropping, but Dazai stayed confident. “Hey Chibi, you’re an idiot.”

The frail form of the boy beneath him cracked a small smile. “You’re the idiot you- his body racked itself with a spurt of coughs, his lips dripping crimson to join the stains on his perfectly pale skin.- d-damn mackerel.”

Dazai dropped the boy's wrist with a chuckle, pressing his hand to the boy's lips. “Yeah, I know Chibi, I know. - The ginger's eyes began to flutter shut.- No Chibi, your eyes have to stay open. Look, I've got people coming to fix you up. So just try to keep yourself awake.” Dazai’s hand moved to cup the other's cheek. “You’ll be okay.”

Chuuya’s breath staggered a wheeze interrupting the shallow breaths he’d been going through. “I’m dying, aren't I?”

Dazai shook his head, feeling his chest sting with the familiar pain of grief. As if somebody took a microscope over the feeling, it continued to grow. By now, he was sure the pain exceeded the total amount of grief he’d gone through with Oda’s passing. “No Chibi, you’re not… you're not dying.” He paused in that sentence looking down at Chuuya, who laughed dryly.

“So fucking optimistic.” They sat in silence, and Chuuya's eyes fixed on Dazai. Though it was unnoticed by Dazai, his clouded tired eyes were on his lips. He was taking into memory the parts of wishes he’d never get. Every passing second, Chuuya felt his eyes threaten to drip shut. He was trying to listen to Dazai, but his eyes were bricks; sleep a melody that sang to him. With the fear of never waking up again, Chuuya lifted his hand from his side to reach Dazai’s cheek, his blood leaving a mark. “Hey, Dazai.” His voice lacked anything but sincerity.

“No Chuuya. No, you’re okay! Just a few more minutes and Yosano will be here! Fuck, just stop moving, keep your eyes open, keep breathing because you’re alright.” Chuuya had never seen Dazai act like this before. So as Dazai’s hand warmly wrapped around his, his head pressing into the cold touch of Chuuya’s, words were spoken.

“Dazai, I. Never. H-hated… you. I. lov-” before those words could finish, his body was shaking. Tears were forming, he was still conscious and very much alive, but his entire system of organs and cells were rejecting him. The use of corruption had been at its limit long before Dazai had touched him. Before his ability had been canceled out, he was beyond death. The way he coughed his hands, flailing out to grab Dazai’s shirt and press their bodies together, made even Dazai emotional. Dazai managed to still the boy's movements. His eyes half-open as he tried to hold onto whatever string was left. “Lo-” this time he was cut off by Dazai’s hand. His head shaking, hearing Chuuya speak would make this far too real.

He wasn’t ready to let him go. For the first time, he wanted to be far from death, far from the pain and suffering of humankind. So as Chuuya smiled and looked to the ceiling, his hand continued to stroke Dazai’s cheek. A reminder he was still alive.

That moment ended all too quickly when Chuuya took a final staggered breath and looked to Dazai. “Loved you.” He finished his sentence before his eyes dropped shut. His hand slipped into a limp state within Dazai’s hold.

It took the brunette no time to jump to compressions. He continuously screamed. A voice that had never once mourned, or shed a tear, now sat in a contorted expression between agony and doubt. His mind was static, for the first time nothing clear could form within his head. He shrieked out for Chuuya. Open your eyes, he had chanted and begged before he no longer had the strength to continue. He simply fell on top of Chuuya, his ear to his chest praying to hear a soft thud. Three minutes passed before his body, devoid of any, and everything was yanked away. Had he been shown a mirror, one would not have recognized Dazai. His clothes were bloodied, his hair disheveled and wet from the rain he’d run in only a handful of minutes ago.

Dazai sat numbly as his co-workers looked around trying to find if there was any danger left. When the scene was clear and Yosano made the final statement, the world truly crumbled. Still, despite having started CPR and rescue breaths, despite having felt the cooling touch of his skin, Dazai had held onto the hope that Yosano would fix this. He watched as she put on a work face. Her heels clicked across the ground as she walked over to Dazai with a doctor's approach, not a friend's approach. She bent before Dazai and began to speak. “Dazai, I need you to focus your eyes on me, alright?” Dazai could read her mind like an open book. His mind, in his numb state, had returned to his 17-year-old self. Devoid of any real feeling, bent on causing pain and suffering. He tilted his head like that child-self would in this situation. For once, he genuinely felt human. “I understand you were close to Nakahara-san. You were also here at the scene. It’s with much regret-” before she could finish, Dazai’s eyes grew cold and clouded, his lips a snarl as he shoved her.

“He’s okay! Chuuya is okay, he’ll wake up! He always does, even when I have to change things in a second advance because I fucked up. He's okay! We’re soukoku, double black. We can’t be put down. We’re partners, we need each other." even Yosano froze at the sudden outburst. The way Dazai cried without realizing the tears were falling. The way he tried to look happy as if he hadn’t watched Chuuya die within his arms. “Right… he’s okay right?” Dazai hardly knew what he was saying, his head foggy, his mind trying to stay collected.

If one could compare him to anything, one would say that moment he'd looked like a child, no older than fourteen, who’d watched a death before their eyes. Yosano collected herself before shaking her head. She decided to take the approach she’d have with a child instead of an adult. For in this moment, Dazai was experiencing what one could call his first-ever truly emotional loss. This was the first time his mind was catching up with him. “Dazai, Chuuya cared very much for you. You know that right?”

Dazai seemed to calm slightly at the thought as he focused on Yosano. “Yeah, he loved me… he said he loved me.” Suddenly, the situation became worse than she’d thought.

“Mhm, and you loved him too?” Dazai took his time to slowly nod before gulping and shrinking down.

“And now… he’s not coming home. No more loud, annoying comments. No more nights at the bar…” Dazai’s voice choked before the sounds of more footsteps followed in.

A high-pitched female voice screamed in a shrieking roar. “Where is he!” Dazai knew that voice. Kouyo, his Ane-san. At least, at one point she’d been his Ane-san. But his eyes stopped looking at Yosano and instead took a glimpse at Chuuya, whose corpse still lay there.

Once more, Dazai’s emotions took control, and he placed his hands over his eyes and shut himself away. Yosano swore under her breath and stood up. “Which one is he?” Yosano stood up rather angrily. She disliked her conversations being so rudely interrupted, even if it were somebody she had a small connection with.

“Chuuya…” the red-haired female stormed over before spotting Dazai first. His body cradled in like a child. A position she’d never seen him in. Her heart could only lurch to the worst. Hesitantly, she looked off to the side and saw it. The bloodied corpse. She spent no more time looking, she couldn’t.

She shoved Yosano away from Dazai, a boy she had once helped to look after and almost raise. Though she resented the boy for abandoning his role as an executive, she knew how much the pair had been connected. So she’d be a mother or older sister for a bit. Something Dazai had never seemed to have. “Dazai, it’s Kouyo, can you look at me? I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

Dazai peeked from his arms, sniffing in his delirious state as he lunged towards her. Not in a hostile way, but an embrace. Something he never thought he’d need. He felt so human, so alive, but at the same time, he felt so dead inside. He felt as if his life had been torn and replaced within seconds. This feeling he couldn’t place a name on. “I was too late… I couldn’t, and now he’s and I… it’s all my-'' Kouyo was quick to shut him down, muffling her own sobs as she rocked Dazai in her arms.

“Hush child, these things happen. The fault is never that you could not make it in time. The fault lies within the bastard who did this. He always took extremes to protect you, Dazai. So hush now, let yourself grieve.” There was a slight pause as the agency starred in shock. This woman, who most of them knew as a vengeful woman with no remorse, sat cradling a grown man from an opposing organization as if he were her child, no more like an older sister cradling a younger brother. “Dazai, I won’t criticize your reaction, I've seen it many times in the mafia. Little children who witness death at such a young age think they are immune to it. They find another blame or they say they are monsters. You were 14 when Mori took you in. You never had somebody to teach you to grieve. You never needed to, not until now. So listen to me child, you’re going to let it all out, the years of pain and suffering, the years of grief for lost friends, even I have cried in my life. Nobody is immune to pain, some of us just think we are.” As Kouyo spoke, she noted Dazai’s breathing reached a slowing point. He was fast asleep before she finished her words. Her touch was gentle as she brushed a lock of his hair behind his ears.

Next, she walked over to Chuuya and hung her head, murmuring words of mourning. She walked off quickly, but came back moments later with his hat. “He’d want somebody to have it.” Yosano stood beside Kouyo, who choked back her own tears.

“I think it should go to Dazai. He always mocked his hats, even though he loved seeing Chuuya in them. They really were meant for each other. It’s unfortunate such a great pair ended up… in a life like this. Perhaps they will be reborn in an era where they are nothing but students who fall in love. I like to think there is always a second chance for lives that end too short.”

With a nod, they both looked to Dazai, who looked at peace sleeping on the ground.

~

When I woke up that day after, I could hardly remember anything. I had lost myself completely to the side that was human. I truly did try to live on, but it was difficult. No matter where I looked, I could see his laugh, I hated it. The pain that constantly wrapped around me. Hence, why I sit here with a pen. I never took myself to write my thoughts down. Oda had once ruminated about being a reader, he died before he ever could. I miss them both. I say that, but when I look down at the tear-stained paper, so many of them were for Chuuya. A love I never got to kiss or truly love. Today, I will not wake up. I no longer care about things like making my death overly complex and comfortable. I shall go to sleep with Chuuya’s hat at my side. I shall die with him at my side. That is how it should have been. Chuuya should have lived that night. I shall never know what sparked him to use corruption without me there. All I know is the worst person in the world, Destovesky, who now lay in a ditch from my own pistol, threatened the ginger to such an extent he felt the need to use it. In a way, I have solved several problems with one action. I killed the criminal, and I'm killing the single person whose blood runs more mafia black than any other.

Tag list If you want to be added when I upload fics/HC etc., just shoot me an ask: @jadegreenimmortality

[kiribaku-queen]

Home [9/10]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader, Kirishima x reader

Fluff, angst, werewolf!au

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of mental health, mentions of suicide and self harm, depressive episode (might make you feel really sad because it made me depressed af), might break your heart and cry your eyes out

Word count: 4.3k

A/N: Please read the trigger warnings! I originally created this series for this chapter specifically. So I apologize in advanced if this made you uncomfortable, didn’t go with the flow of the story or made you feel really sad. This scenario originally popped up in my head because I was feeling down and decided to write it down. I’ve toned it down a lot because I was afraid and am still afraid it’s too much for some people to handle. But nonetheless, I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist!

Summary: Being called the beauty of the clan isn’t as nice as it sounds. The beauty of the clan is supposed to exude confidence, power, and well, beauty. You were quite the opposite, only possessing one of those traits. Yet, the older you got, the more you fit into the role you were given. After your brother and all the boys of age come back from their training period, it was time to find a mate. But who will steal your heart? Is it Bakugou, the rising leader of the pack, or is it Kirishima, the personal guard and the strongest in the pack?

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]

“Where did you go?” you questioned Kirishima with sleepy eyes as he was quietly entering the house. It was well past midnight and you could have sworn he went to bed a long time ago. Yet here he was, wide awake and coming back from somewhere. Kirishima was frozen in his steps. He needed to make up an excuse and fast. He was usually very careful to not make any noise when he sneaks out, so naturally, he was panicking and thinking of anything to say.

“I was… just getting some fresh air. I had a lot on my mind,” Kirishima lied. He slowly walked up to you and ruffled your hair a bit. “Let’s go back to sleep.” He turned you around and led you back to your room. But as soon as he walked up to you, you smelled it. He smelled like Bakugou and… someone else. It couldn’t be. There was no way. Uraraka?  Why did he smell like both of them? You tried to push it away, thinking that you were just imagining things because you were so exhausted. But that didn’t stop the sharp pain that you felt in your chest.

You really wanted it to not be true and that you were hallucinating, but that was getting really hard to believe when you started seeing that he would sneak out weekly. You purposely stayed up to see if he would leave, and he always did. And every time he would come back, he would be smelling like her. It left a bad taste in your mouth. You didn’t want to believe that he was seeing her. You didn’t want to believe that Uraraka was taking another person away from you. You didn’t want to feel unwanted again.

Instead of dwelling on your feelings and activating your quirk, you decided to put all your feelings into baking. You searched the cabinets and find out that you were only missing a few ingredients to your sugary treat. You were putting your shoes on and ready to head out the door when Kirishima came up behind you.

“Heading out?” he asks. You hum in response, not really happy to see him. Even though he doesn’t know that you know that he’s been sneaking out, you still felt upset and betrayed. So you were acting indifferent towards him. “Let me join you.” Kirishima starts to put his shoes on to head out with you. But you stop him.

“It’s okay. I only need a get a few items anyway,” you tried to convince him to stay but he denied your request.

“How could I let you go alone? Not very manly,” he says and beats you out the door. You sigh. Kirishima was so head strong that no matter how hard you would try, he would never listen because his heart was already set on something. So you had no choice but to let him join so for a quick errand.

You both headed into the market which was already busy with people. Alright, you were going to head it, get what you need and head right back home. No time for dilly-dallying. Sugar, sugar, sugar. All you needed was sugar but why couldn’t you find any sugar? Your eyes scanned the different stands present and was unable to find any sugar. Until one white packet caught your eye. You sighed in relief. One packet of sugar left. You quickly jogged over there before anyone else could get their hands on it and right when you put your hands on the bag, another hand was already on top of yours. Both you and the stranger retracted your hands, flustered.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized and looked up at the stranger who was grabbing at the same bag. Or so you thought it was a stranger. Soft, crimson eyes met yours as you both stared at each other in shock. How was it that you kept seeing him? Bakugou took the bag of sugar and extended his hand to give it to you. You looked at the bag and back at him. He was already looking away, waiting for you to take the bag from him. Feeling guilty for taking the last bag of sugar, you reluctantly took it and then it was just you two standing there awkwardly.

“Did you find the sugar, honey bear?” Uraraka’s high pitched voice echoed through your ears. Honey bear? Give me a break. You rolled your eyes as Uraraka clung onto Bakugou’s arm from behind.

“(y/n), there you are. Don’t run off like that,” Kirishima jogged up to you with concerned eyes. He spots the other two that you were with and frowns. Shit, he thought to himself. He tried so hard last time to try to get you guys to avoid them but how was it that they were always showing up? He glances at Uraraka and she was already eyeing him. She squinted at him, letting him know that he needed to concentrate on the mission. Although it was small exchange of communication, you caught them staring at each other. And another sharp pain stabbed at you.

Uraraka glances at the white bag in your hands and tugs harder on Bakugou’s arm.

“Was that the last sugar?” she asks Bakugou who was looking at you with sad eyes. His silence gave her the answer. “(y/n) dear, do you mind giving us the last bag of sugar? We probably need it more than you do anyway,” Uraraka gave you a fake smile and extends her hand to grab the sugar away from you. Before you could say a snarky remark back, Bakugou was forcing her hand down and turning her away from you guys.

“We can find another bag,” he comments and drags her away.

“But we’ve been looking forever!” she complains and is eventually dragged to another stall to look for their bag of sugar. But not before Uraraka gives Kirishima another look and signals for him to wrap it up. You see her signaling to Kirishima but take that as a secret message between them two only. You clenched your jaw because you were so angry. You turned around to head home, steam running out your ears. Kirishima was quick to follow, sensing anger coming from you.

You slammed your groceries down on the counter and continued to gather your ingredients in silence. Kirishima was standing to the side, watching and observing your every move. He noticed that you were avoiding him and acting different around him lately but he didn’t know why. And after that encounter with Uraraka and Bakugou at the market, your mood turned sour and now you were taking your feelings out on the baking you were doing. Kirishima was deciding on what was the best way to approach you. He wanted to ask you what was wrong, but he didn’t want to bark up the wrong tree. He could let you be, but would that make you even more angry that he was ignoring you? He wanted to comfort you but if you were mad at him, did you even want him near you? He didn’t want to act normal and pretend that he didn’t know what was wrong. Fuck it…

Kirishima slowly walked up to you as you were prepping at your wet and dry ingredients together. He wraps his arms around your waist cautiously and rests his head on top of yours. You sigh and put whatever you were doing down and rested your hands on the counter.

“Why are you mad at me,” he asks softly against your scalp so that only you could hear.

“How could you not know?” you whispered back, close to being in tears. Talking about your problems was one thing, but talking about it while you were still emotional? Automatic waterfalls. But you were going to do your best so that you didn’t cry. You turned around to face him. His grip on you loosened but his hands still rested on your hips. “Honestly, I’m more than angry with you. I feel hurt and betrayed,” you confessed. Kirishima furrowed his eyebrows with concern and he could feel his heart squeeze. You felt that way because of him? That wasn’t a good feeling.

“Tell me what I did wrong. Let me fix it,” he says, determined as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. But you push his hand away, which makes Kirishima frown.

“Can you really fix your relationship with Uraraka?” that question catches him off guard. He was confused by your question but it also made him anxious. Did you figure him out?

“Uraraka? I don’t even know her,” Kirishima lied straight through his teeth. And you could tell. Judging from your expression, you were deeply hurt by his response.

“Now you’re lying to me?” you asked in disbelief. Before he got a chance to respond, you were pushing his hands off you and started walking away.

“(y/n),” Kirishima tried to grab your hand but you stopped him.

“No! You’re lying to me, Kirishima. I already know about you guys. I know you’ve been sneaking out to see her. I saw you two looking at each other earlier and I saw her giving you signs. I may not know what it means but it’s already enough that you come home smelling like her. You know what she did to me yet you… you still,” tears streamed down your face and you bit your lip out of frustration. You were beyond hurt. You couldn’t continue speaking but there was just so much to say. You were sobbing and letting it all out at this point. Kirishima could cry from seeing you break down. The sight of seeing you being completely vulnerable in front of him broke his heart but also knowing that this was all because of him made him feel an asshole. He didn’t know how it got this far, but he never intended to see you hurt from his actions.

“(y/n), me and her are nothing. There is nothing going on between us, so,” Kirishima tried to approach you again with open arms but being so emotional, you pushed him away from you by his chest, rejecting him.

“NO! I can’t trust you! You’ve been lying to me this whole time. Was I just a play thing for you? Did you just use me as a past time so that you could be with her? Was that it? Or were you just jealous that Bakugou had everything? He had everything you didn’t,” you started yelling and spitting insults like they were water. All you saw was red and didn’t even know what you were saying. But it flipped a switch in Kirishima. He was becoming impatient and his eye twitched at the mention of Bakugou. “Uraraka is his now so you decided to throw me away so that you can have her? You never liked me. You were just using me to get back at Bakugou. God, you’re such an ass!” you screamed and started punching him multiple times in the chest. He stopped your hands midair as you just continued to be hysteric. He waited until you calmed down. Heavy breathing and sobs were the only sound occupying their ears.

“Call me all the names you want. Accuse me all you want, but maybe you should also be truthful about your feelings,” Kirishima suddenly says. Upon hearing that, you stop crying momentarily to look at him, confused, shocked and in disbelief. Suddenly, his eyes were cold and didn’t convey any feelings whatsoever. His eyes were dead and stared at you with cold eyes. “We’ve been flirting all this time. You even kissed me. But you still have feelings for Bakugou, right?” he suddenly accuses you.

“Are you serious right now?” you pry your hands away from his grip and cross your arms across your chest. He just shoves his hands in his pockets.

“You say I’m using you. But are you not doing the same to me? You’re just using me to get over your feelings for him. I see how you look at him. Deep down, I know how badly you want to go back to him. Well guess what princess? There’s another woman in his life and that’s not you. So you should just give up on your fantasy of being with someone who you can never reach,” Kirishima’s voice was getting lower and lower with each word, deep enough that it could be considered a growl. As you were saying hurtful things to him, he was saying it right back. That earned him a painful smack on his left cheek. You paused. You were so angry that your body just moved on its own. You didn’t mean to smack Kirishima but it was already too late. He stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. You stood in place, taking in everything that just happened. All the words exchanged, the actions, the emotions. Tears started pouring from your eyes once again. You retreated to your room and locked it so that no one could get in.

You couldn’t sleep that night. Your fight with Kirishima was replaying over and over in your head. Each time, making your heart hurt and fresh tears would stream down your face. It was too much energy to keep Black Ghost in, so you let her manifest next to you.

Poor (y/n). First Bakugou didn’t want you, know the second lead doesn’t want you either. You rolled your eyes and covered your ears to try to block her out.

Maybe there’s a reason why they are both going after Uraraka. She’s rich and she’s got all the looks. She puts you to shame. A new beauty enters the clan and now you’re a nobody. Fuck, that hurt. The more and more negative comments Black Ghost makes, the more you started to believe in her and everything that she was saying. It made sense. Maybe there was a reason why both Bakugou and Kirishima are infatuated with her. Maybe you really couldn’t compete with her.

 Another day, another morning patrol with Bakugou. But that’s another day to give (y/n) a rose. He couldn’t bare to face you at the market. Not after confessing his feelings for you and getting rejected. It’s more comfortable looking at you from afar and giving you roses was the best way to do it.

He removed himself from the regular morning patrol once again to head to your place, not failing to pick up a rose on the way. With ease, he pulled himself up to reach your windowsill and gently placed the rose in a place where you can easily see it from your bed.

“Bakugou?” you called out, curiously.

“Shit,” he curses. He jumps at the sound of his name which causes him to lose his grip and fell down a few feet to the ground below him.

“Oh,” you jumped just as much as him from his fall and ran to see if he was okay. Bakugou groaned as he got up and rubbed his head. You stood at your window and leaned as much as you could to see him. “Are you okay?” you called out to him and he just waves to you, indicating that he was fine. “What are you doing here?” you asked him. He climbs back up to meet you at your window. He picks up the rose with a shy smile.

“To give you this,” he confesses. You took the rose with a blush peeking on your cheeks.

“You’re the one who has been giving me roses every day?” you look at the rose and back at him. All this time, you thought it was Kirishima who was doing it. To think it was Bakugou… “But, why?”

“You like flowers. And seeing your expression every morning is worth it,” he says with sincerity, staring at your eyes. Following them wherever you looked.

“You shouldn’t be doing this, you know. What if your fiancée finds out?” you continued to stare at the rose, fiddling with the stem. You couldn’t believe Bakugou was leaving flowers for you this whole time. Despite telling him to that he should stop giving roses to you every day, your eyes were soft upon looking at the flower.

“You like them.” was his answer.

“No…” you lied quietly. Bakugou scoffed at your response.

“Liar. Actions speak louder than words,” he says. You clear your throat and adjust your position. Looking at the rose again, you looked back up at Bakugou.

“I’d like them even more if you brought them to me in person instead of hiding,” you said and gently smiled at him. He smiled back.

“Noted,” and you two just continued to stare at each other without exchanging words. Until he broke the silence by announcing that he had to get back to the group. He’s about to jump off your window when he looks back. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he declares and with a final wink, is off to join his group. You giggle as you watch him leave, butterflies entering your stomach. You were shocked at this feeling because you hadn’t felt like that in so long.

You left your room and entered the kitchen. Sero and Kirishima were seated at the table, eating their breakfast. Sero greeted you a good morning. Kirishima just looked up, glanced at you and continued eating. He was ignoring you. Fine, then you would do the same. You passed him to get a glass of water and walked straight back to your room. When Kirishima heard the door slam shut, he let out a frustrated sigh and leaned back in his seat, his mouth full of food. Sero just looked at Kirishima and back at your door, quietly observing.

Every day for the past couple of days were like that. Every time you passed each other, no words were said to each other. You guys were living in silence and it was suffocating everyone who was living there.

One morning, you were chilling on your bed when you heard a knock on the door. You glanced up and Kirishima’s head was popping out.

“Can we talk?” he asks. You sit up on your bed and he fully enters your room. He walks over to your bed and sits next to you. There was a few moments of silence between you two.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. You secretly glance at him and he just looked like a sad puppy. “I said a lot of hurtful stuff the other day. I shouldn’t have said any of that. I just got angry that I couldn’t control myself and I just-” he tried to continue but you stopped him.

“No, don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing. I don’t know what came over me. I got so angry and upset that I let that get the best of me. God, I feel so embarrassed. I must have looked crazy to you,” you buried your face in your hands out of embarrassment. You heard him chuckle.

“A little bit,” he tried making a joke but you just looked at him with an unamused expression.

“Eijirou…” you whined. He put his hands up in defense.

“Okay okay, too soon.” He looks at you again, this time with more passion. He moves your hair behind your ear and moves to cup your face.

“Wait, Eijirou,” you put your hand on top of his to stop him. But you were interrupted when a rustling noise coming from your window.

“You said you’d like them in person, so I came in person to bring your flowers,” Bakugou appeared outside your window with a bouquet of roses in hand. He freezes when he sees you and Kirishima. He was in your bed, a hand cupping your cheek. He sees you have a hand on top of his. Even though you two weren’t together, a shot of pain hit his chest.

“Bakugou wait,” you push Kirishima’s hand away, earning an annoyed look from him. But it was too late. Bakugou had dropped the bouquet of flowers, jumped down and started walking away from your house. You got up from your bed to call out for him but turned around to Kirishima also standing.

“Unbelievable,” he breathed out, shaking his head as if he was disappointed. Before you could have a say, he was storming out on you once again. You were left alone, completely baffled. A hand went to grab a fistful of hair, messing up your already messy hair.

“What the fuck just happened,” you talked to yourself, now grabbing your head on each side and clenching hard. This whole situation was giving you a headache. Your breathe was getting faster, your heart beat was picking up the pace and a rising nervousness was fast approaching. You didn’t have anyone by your side. But that wasn’t entirely true.

You rushed to find your brother and find comfort in his arms. He was in his room, listening to music with headphones in. When he saw you entering his room with a red nose and tears running down your face, he was quick to embrace you. You cried in his arms for a while before telling him what was wrong. When you had calmed down enough to not gasp while talking, you told him everything to every single detail. Sero continued to cradle you in his arms while he listened intensely.

You finished your story and waited to hear what your brother had to say. Only, it never came. You looked up to see if he was still paying attention, and he just had a look on his face. A look that screamed disappointment. You got up from his embrace and stared at him in disbelief.

“Why do you have that look on your face?” you asked. No answer. “Why aren’t you saying anything?” your voice cracked from crying so much. Sero sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“(y/n), I don’t know how to say this. They have a right to be mad at you,” he says. And you just stare at him. Did you hear that right? Was your brother against you right now? He sees the look in your eyes and how you were going to cry again so he firmly grabs your arms. “I know you’re upset right now, but try to see it from their side. You still have feelings for Bakugou but are starting a relationship with Kirishima. Both of those guys are just as confused because you don’t know what you want. And your feelings got you into this mess,” a single tear dropped, feeling soulless.

“That’s not what I wanted to hear,” you whispered, barely audible to even you.

“I know. I know… but you need to hear the truth even if it hurts,” he said just as softly. You knew that. But even if you knew that, all you wanted was to be comforted at the moment. And your brother failed to do that. You got up from his embrace and without a word, started walking back to your room. “(y/n), I’m trying to help you!” he called out.

“Yeah, well you didn’t help!” You screamed at him, and slammed your door shut. You dove face first into your pillow and released all the emotions that were built up.

Morning turned into noon. Noon turned into evening. And evening during into night. You watched as a whole day went by passing you like it was nothing. You saw the rising sun set and now it was dark outside. You didn’t get up from your bed. Not to eat. Not to drink or even go to the bathroom. The bed was your safe space. There, no one could criticize you. No one could tell you that what you did was wrong. No one could judge you for being confused. As night time rolled in, Black Ghost appeared next to you once again, but more intense this time.

They all abandoned you.

You have no one.

That must mean that they don’t love you.

She’s right. They all left. Bakugou left you for Uraraka and now stormed off, mad at you. Kirishima was the same. You thought he really liked you. You thought he really cared for you. And you found comfort in him after your breakup. But he is some sort of relationship with Uraraka now and he’s mad at you too. Sero was supposed to be your rock till the very end. But he isn’t on your side. No one was on your side.

You’re not worth loving. See? Everyone you ever loved and trusted abandoned you. You’re just a pretty face with nothing to offer.

“That’s a lie.”

Is it? If you had anything to offer, then why did they leave?

“Because…”

Because you were meant to be alone. It’s not fun being lonely, is it?

“No, it’s not…”

Then join me.

Eh? Your eyes had glossed over and Black Ghost was starting to have full control over you. The more and more vulnerable you were getting, the easier it was for your quirk to control you. And it was easy. All she had to do was whisper pretty lies and you were gone.

What’s the point in living if you can’t enjoy the world with anyone?

Everyone is mad at you. You can’t come back from this.

Join me, and you will never be lonely again.

Follow me to the window.

As if on command, your body was moving by itself and you were standing, slowly walking to the window. When you got in front of it, you stopped.

That’s it. Living is no fun anymore. Let someone else live a life that you failed at.

Open the window.

Your arms lifted up and pushed open the window, a rush of the cold night breeze hit your skin. But you couldn’t feel it.

Good. Step onto the ledge.

And you did so. Black Ghost came dangerously close to your ear and whispered.

Jump.

A/N: If you or anyone you know is suicidal, please reach out for help. You can talk to me or seek professional help. You are not alone.

National Suicide Prevention lifeline: 800-273-8255

Tagged: @goodpop9 @superblyspeedydragon @tspice283 @marvelobsessedteen @rosetheshapeshifter @cabbagesquadfam @bnha-iamhere @theartsydoodler @taehyungbbe

[the-fiction-witch]

Buzz Buzz P1

TV SHOW ACCUSED

COUPLE JAKE X READER

RATING SMUT

I sat in class listening to him go on another rant about all us young people with our hip hop and the snap chats and the constant buzz buzz of our phones. I wasn't listening, I didn't care, I just sat looking out the window to the vast empty field watching birds fly from the trees to the grass looking for food.

'Buzz Buzz' 

My phone vibrated in my pocket I grabbed it and hand a sneaky look 

'buttercup 🏵️' :Hi sweetie 🍬, class is boring  💤 Af miss you 💕

I smiled widely and instantly glanced at her just a row infront of me she didn't even glance at me as she sat in her little purple dress and black hoodie chewing on her pencil, I smirked and returned a message back 

'sweetheart 🍬' : hey 🏵️baby x yeah I'm super bored too, I kinda want you next to  me then we'll might get in trouble again 😉

She glanced back at me brefily this time after reading my message 

'buzz buzz'

'buttercup 🏵️' ohh like science class ? 🧪

'sweetheart 🍬' exactly❤️

I smirked and winked at her she smiled back gently shifting that sexy ass in her chair before she looked away 

'buzz buzz'

'buttercup 🏵️' maybe you can walk me home. Maybe take the long way 😉😉

'sweetheart 🍬' yeah? The long way home? Umm meet you at the gate buttercup 😘

I hid my phone away and faked an interest in the class until it was finished so I stuffed everything in my bag as she threw her stuff over her shoulder making sure to fix her little dress in a way I would see shaking her ass a little as she walked out, I smirked  and headed out of the building going out to the gates seeing her stood there waiting for me in her Little purple dress tugged much higher then earlier I quickly when over capturing her in my arms and kissing her sweet lips, she happily kissed back till she pulled away grabbing my hand "come on jake, don't wanna be late" she winked dragging me off down the street with her.

We hurried thought town to our usual spot the little alley behind the comic book store they always get so much stock in these huge heavy duty boxes which they always discard in the alley, which makes it a great place to.. well. 

"Umm baby" I groaned pinning her body against the wall as she sat on the pile of boxes her legs tight around my waist my hands up her skirt feeling her soft ass in her little lace panties, her lips attacking mine her arms around my neck she pulled back for breath so I kissed down her neck trying to resist my urge to give her a massive hiki but I knew I'd get her in trouble if I did, 

"Sweetie come on" she whines tightening her legs on me 

"Impatient for me are you buttercup?" I growled in her ear "tell me what you want then?" I smirked 

"Fuck me" she gasps 

"As my baby wishes" I smirked undoing my pants as she kicked her panties down her legs I instantly scooped them up off her ankles and stuffed them in my pocket as I searched "ohh fuck"

"What is it?" She smiled playfully folding my cock thought my boxers exposed where I had undone my pants already

"I don't have a condom buttercup, I'm not sure we can?"

"It's okay sweetie, just go raw" she whispered

"Uughhhh… raw. Your gonna let me fuck you raw buttercup?" I asked between groans and she nods "uuumm I love you" I groan kissing her desperately pushing my boxers down adjusting myself and her a little so as I pushed I slipped right inside her warm, wet pussy. "uuughhhhh you feel so good" I groaned in desperation grabbing her ass hard and thrusting hard and deep inside her or as much as I could given we where learnt up against a brick wall resting her on some boxes, the two of us heavily making out trying not to get caught as we got faster and rougher both of us beyond desperate for our orgasums I bit on her lip a little and began rubbing mercilously on her clit trying to feel her cum around me before I had to pull out 

'buzz buzz buzz buzz' I heard my phone ringing in my pocket I sighed grabbing it and it was my mum "uhhhhh"

"Answer it" she cooes kissing down my cheek gently moving her hips to let me still feel her as I answered

"Uhhh hi mum" I said trying not to give anything away

"Jake where are you? You where suppose to be home an hour ago" 

"Just uhh you know out with the guys. Lost track of time" I lied as y/n kissed all over me still gently moving herself I smirked and moved myself too 

"We get here I need to get to work" she says 

"Yeah uhh ten minutes mum" I told her before hung up

"Why didn't you tell her the truth" y/n whines 

"Well I could hardly tell my mum, I'm not home because I'm hilt deep in my girlfriend behind a comic book store now could I?" I smirked kissing her 'come on I haven't got long and I wanna make my buttercup feel good" I smirked ….

[elysicndrcvm]

━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )

     well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado: 

so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it’s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.

he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals. 

he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age. 

he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue. 

his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes. 

obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf. 

showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places. 

very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd. 

awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world. 

his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers. 

studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up. 

despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf. 

real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he’s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf. 

has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself. 

he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade. 

does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out. 

cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away. 

bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that. 

[imagine-myhero]

Hi there! Could I request a short scenario with Todoroki and Hawks (if you can only do one at a time that’s okay!) who are arguing with the reader and all of a sudden they just start having a panic attack and hyperventilating due to previous toxic relationships so they try to comfort their s/o? 🥺💕 i understand if you don’t want to write the request, and I absolute love your pieces btw! Have a great day 💖

Author’s Note: Thank you all so much for your patience with my unofficial hiatus. The holidays were a lot and now I’m on my final semester of college so life be hectic AF. Anyways, thanks for the request and hope you enjoy!

Shouto Todoroki

It had felt like ages since you’d last seen Shouto beyond a quick peck on the cheek in passing, and even that was becoming rare. It had felt even longer since the two of you spoke casually and comfortably without something pulling one of you away.

Crime rates had risen lately, causing a lot of overtime on Shouto’s end and keeping him away from home until the unreasonable hours of the night when you were already asleep. In the early mornings when you would wake and get ready for your own job, he’d still be dead asleep from the long night before. Of course you wouldn’t wake him— you understood he needed his rest, but that didn’t stop the ache of loneliness and feeling like the love of your life was slowly fading away from settling in your heart. .

Even when the two of you had a moment to spare with each other, Shouto was becoming moody and short with you. It almost seemed as if Shouto viewed quality time with you as another job he had to do on top of everything else.

Maybe it was one too many dinners gone cold, one too many missed calls, or one too many brushed off touches, but whatever it was it made you speak up.  Shouto was particularly stressed out that night, but you chose to ignore it. Instead you asked him if he still had feelings for you, pleaded that he try and make more time for you, and demanded he tell you why he’d been so distant lately.

“I have more than enough on my plate without you badgering me like this.” He answered with a disapproving look.

“‘Badgering’? Shouto, it’s been days since we last had a real conversation, weeks since we had a real kiss, and I can’t even remember the last time we had sex.” You argued. Normally you weren’t so blunt, but you really couldn’t beat around the bush anymore.

Shouto could sympathize with your sentiments; it had been a long time since you spent time together in any sense. But it wasn’t like he was just goofing off. Shouto had an important job and you claimed to understand that when you started dating him.

“I’ve been really busy (Name)…” He sighed.

“I know, but…”

“Enough!” Shouto said firmly, louder than he had intended, and you jumped at the suddenness. When you met his gaze, you received a look you hadn’t seen in years, and never from Shouto. Icy venom and burning anger flooded his eyes, his lips pressing down into a disdainful scowl. You felt small and insignificant beneath his stare, a feeling that slapped you with memories you’d much rather forget.

Tears flooded your eyes and you quickly turned away before Shouto could see, but he didn’t have to. He knew the moment the harsh command left his mouth what he’d done because the voice that came out didn’t sound like his at all.

It sounded like his father’s.

And only when he forcefully relaxed his face did he realize how deep he was glaring at you. All of his emotions extinguished, leaving nothing but a repentant smoke curling from the ashes.

“Shit…” He muttered, swallowing thickly and staring at your heaving back in shame. “I’m… I’m so sorry, (Name). I don’t know what—…”

You moved to leave the room, but suddenly his cool hand enveloped your wrist gently yet securely. You whipped your head back to look at him, tears streaming down your face and body flushed with the heat of anxiety, and you see the sorrowful and broken eyes of your beloved.

“S-Shouto…” You whimpered forlornly, hiccuping and unable to catch your breath. Immediately, Shouto embraced you, holding you tightly as you clung to him and shook with tears and sharp gasps.  Shouto wanted to beg for your forgiveness, but knew he had no right to ask. He didn’t deserve it; you had no obligation to ever forgive him. But after all this was caused because he was neglecting you like a fool, he couldn’t bear to let you walk away and be alone again.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, that was unforgivable.” He said softly, because he refused to let you face any more of his anger— even if it was at himself this time.

“I-It’s okay…” You sniffled.

“No, it’s not okay… I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make sure this never happens again. I’m sorry.  I’m taking the rest of the week off to be here with you, if you’ll still have me…”

You listened to him silently and then nodded, shakily responding, “I love you…”

Shouto’s grip tightened on you and you breathed in his comforting scent, feeling loved when he pressed his lips to the crown of your head.

“I love you too, sweetheart. Always. I won’t make you feel lonely again.”

Hawks

You were only worried, and Keigo knew that, but he was just so mad at himself for letting you find out what he was doing with the League of Villains. He was mad at himself for having lied to you about it, he was terrified at the fact that you’re involved now because you knew, he was dreading your begging for him to stop when he couldn’t, and all of these emotions created a storm in his mind and the next thing he knew he was snapping at you.

“Keigo, you could be killed!” You pleaded, the thought alone making you feel sick. Hawks ran his hand through his windswept hair and clenched his jaw tightly. Like he needed you to remind him of that. His fingers drummed restlessly against his thigh and while he did everything he could not to look at you. “Please talk to your superiors. There must be some other way—.”

“There isn’t, okay?! So just drop it!” Keigo roared back at you, finally making eye contact and you froze at what you saw in them. His usually warm, sweet, honey-colored eyes were now darkened, sharp, and burning with anger. The aggression in his voice and face was all too familiar to you and you found your muscles seizing up with terror and your voice caught in your throat. Keigo initially didn’t notice your reaction while he continued, voice raising, “You just don’t get it. It’s so damn complicated and I’m the only one who can fucking—!”

Keigo stopped yelling immediately as soon as he saw it. He had taken a step toward you while he was trying to explain himself, his wings ruffling out in frustration, and you flinched hard, your arms flying up in between you and him and eyes squeezing shut. He felt his chest tighten and his throat dry up; he didn’t know how to react or what to say. Instantly his wings folded back in, further than normal as if to hide their very existence and make himself seem as small as possible.

“(Name)…?” He called your name quietly, concern bleeding into his expression. You didn’t notice. You could only focus on how you couldn’t slow down your breathing or put down your arms from shielding yourself. You tried to tell yourself you’re okay— that Keigo hadn’t even touched you—but you couldn’t seem to think straight.

“(Name).” Keigo said your name again, more urgently this time but trying desperately to remain calm. He was panicking at how scared you looked. His stomach twisted with dread when he realized you thought he was going to hit you.

“I-I’m sorry.” You said quickly, forcing your arms down though you’re unable to bring them further than your chest or straighten them out. Hawks flinched when you apologized. He wished he didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if you were apologizing for your reaction or if it was a reflex statement to try and blunt his anger. But he wasn’t angry— not at you. And he didn’t want you to apologize for being scared. He scared you. He’s the one who should be…

“Don’t.” He whispered, shaking his head, “Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize. I’m sorry, this is my fault. I promise I’m not mad, I would never hurt you I swear. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m so sorry.” Keigo began to ramble, feeling nothing short of horrible for causing this reaction in you.

Inside your frightened haze, you heard the comforting tone in his voice, the soft croon of guilt and regret and sweetness. You’re reminded that this is your Hawks— your Keigo. He wasn’t gaslighting you, wasn’t drunk, wasn’t violent… He’s just as scared as you right now and he’s sorry.  

Tears welled up in your eyes and you stepped forward, shoving yourself into Keigo’s body and weeping freely. Immediately his arms wrapped around you, holding you securely but not too tightly. Hands stroked your hair softly and rubbed your back, and you cried even more at the gentle touches.

“It’s alright, I promise I never meant to scare you like that. I let my emotions get the better of me, but I promise I’m not angry at you. I know you were just scared… I’m scared too…” Keigo said softly, voice shaking slightly while he held you closer and wrapped his wings around the two of you.

“I trust you…” He heard you say meekly, clutching his shirt tighter and nuzzling against him slightly. Keigo pressed his lips together and buried his head in the crook of your neck, squeezing his eyes shut and choking back a whimper.

“Thank you, baby…I won’t let you down again.”

[citrusrei]

Leave a Message at the Tone.

Reader x Jimin Summary: Jimin leaves you a lil’ voicemail while he’s away on tour. Genre: Smutty af. Drabble-esque. Word Count: 2,477 Warnings: Phone sex. If you don’t like that sort of thing, do not read it lol. 

AN: idk where this even came from but uh, here it is lmao. I hope you enjoy this filth. Also, leave some feedback if you liked it! It is always appreciated <3

"Ah, fuck..." His voice became higher pitched as slick, wet sounds echoed in the background. Jimin's breathy gasps and quiet whimpers became faster and louder.

Your eyes were wide open as you sprung up from your bed, phone pressed tight against your ear as a hand covered your mouth in surprise. What the fuck had your boyfriend sent you while you were sleeping!?  

"I can't wait to be home-ah, fuck, and ins-side of you." He continued his ministries, his soft moans stirring the pot in the pit of your stomach as the visual of him, alone in his hotel bed, shirt riding up his toned chest with flushed cheeks, and plump lips lingered in your mind. You had the sudden urge to stop the voicemail now and ring him up, but he had to be asleep by now considering he was on the opposite side of the world. So instead, you honed in on the sound coming out of your phone, your own breath becoming labored as a slow ache started to pool.

"You'd let me fuck that pretty mouth of yours, wouldn't you baby girl?" He spoke again, his voice cracking at the end of his sentence and it had your mouth watering.  

Really, what was he trying to pull?! He wouldn't be home for another 3 weeks and this wasn't helping the whole distance and the not being able to touch him thing. And this, this monstrosity disguised as a blessing of a voicemail, was not helping at all.  

You threw your body down against the mattress, making sure the phone didn't go anywhere as your hand slid into your night shorts. You listened as Jimin's breathing became shallow, his voice becoming more vocal. He really must have been alone considering how loud he was getting. Not that you minded, actually, the thought of him getting caught only turned you on further.

Your hand grazed over your panties and you already started to feel the dampness seep through the thin fabric. Your neck craned and your back arched as you applied the slightest amount of pleasure and you were surprised just how weak a dirty talking Jimin could make you.

"I know you would, you'd take it so well. Ah- your lips wrapped around me, fuck. I'm getting close. See what even the thought of you does to me?" He breathed, each whimper making your heart flip and soak the measly cloth even further, "You're all I can think about, fuck I miss you. When I come home I'm going to ravage the fuck-mmph, out of you."

Okay, you weren't playing anymore. You slipped two fingers under your drenched panties, and headed straight for your clit, rubbing small circles against the little bud, creating music of your own. Your breath matched his as you flicked your wrist against yourself, his moans and mewls reaching a fever pitch as he cried out he was coming.

"Ah, fuck!" He sobbed, his aggressive strokes stuttering as his breath caught in his throat. But you weren't nearly finished.

"Would you look at this," He laughed, his breathing still heavy, "I made such a mess of myself. I better go and clean up before Taehyung comes back. Don't get too worked up, my love. Goodnight." And then the voicemail beeped, and it was done.

You huffed as soon as the beep ended. Don't get too worked up? How dare he! He knew damn well what he was doing, that tease. But, you figured two could play at that game.  

You opened the little ghost widget; Snapchat. You were going to play just as dirty if not even more so. Park Jimin was going to learn today. You threw the bedsheets off of you, and as well as your shorts before holding down the record button, winking to the camera before aiming it downwards, showing him the dark, wet patch on your underwear and running a finger over it. After reviewing the video and deeming it good enough, you hit Jimin's username and then send. You figured he wouldn't open it until he woke up, but nearly right as you sent it, it was opened.  

You waited not so patiently to see if you were going to get a response, mindlessly rubbing your aching sex before the screen refreshed, signaling a new snapchat. But not a video, or picture; just a text.

Minnie: Fuck, I see you got my voicemail 😉 send another

You scoffed at his response. Another? Yeah, he sent you a voicemail which was longer than a 10 second video, but you HAD sent a VIDEO. And you figured if he was up and able to view your snap, he could play for a bit too. So, you typed a quick response saying that that wasn't how it was going to work.

You: No no, Park. You want something, you gotta send something in return 😉

His little bitmoji popped up, indicating he had read what was sent and typing his reply which was quick and short.

Minnie: ;/  

Minnie: but tae is in the bed next to me 🙁

You: figure something out 😛  

No more than a minute passed until the red bubble appeared on your screen. A picture.

It was him, of course. Sitting on what you assumed was the toilet as he teased you just as you did to him. His hard length poked through his grey sweats as his hand gripped around the band. Barely anything, and of course it had you drooling, almost ready to beg for more. But you stood your ground and snapped a mildly revealing picture of your cleavage.

He still seemed to enjoy it, however, sending a bunch of the water droplet emoji's. This time, a purple bubble popped up and you found yourself rushing to open it.

Jimin took the band of his sweats and boxers, pulling them down tauntingly until just the beginning of his shaft could be seen, and then it came to an abrupt end. You groaned in annoyance. Why was this boy so annoying today? But you did the same, holding the record button down as you slid your panties down just enough to get a sneak peak of your folds and ended it there, hitting send immediately.

It was opened in seconds and his reply came just as quick. It started right where he'd left off, but he'd finished the job in this snap. The garments pushed down so achingly slow until suddenly his dick sprung free, tip red and needy. You felt another gush of wetness flood onto your panties and you decided it was time to get rid of them. So, once again you hit record and casually pulled them off of your body, a small string of arousal following in suit.

Minnie: fuckkkk what are you trying to do to me????

Minnie: I almost came at just that!! 🙁  

You laughed aloud at Jimin's struggles but you were in the same boat as him. Not only did that damned voicemail rile you up beyond relief, but now he was being just as much of a tease and it only pushed you further to the edge.

The next video was him pumping his thick length leisurely as little breathy huffs could be heard in the background, the squeeze of his head at the end giving you goosebumps. "Fuck," you sighed, sliding over to the camera screen.

Your hand traveled down the length of your abdomen until it met your drenched sex which then, you slid two fingers in and right back out, giving the camera a show of just how turned on you were. And that was the tipping point for him.

Minnie: fuck it im calling you.

Sure enough, your phone rang seconds after. You picked up in a heartbeat.

"Hello?" You smiled, knowing Jimin would oh, so love your innocent tone.

"Hello? That's what you're going to say? Do you know how crazy you're driving me over here? I'm in the fucking bathroom jerking myself off cause my girlfriend wants to play games." You laughed at that, which only riled him up further.

"Play games? Ha! You're the one who started it! That voicemail... what a thing to wake up to. You're lucky I'm free today, otherwise I'd be late to work."

"Ah, that was just a present to you, baby girl." He sighed and you just knew he was still touching himself so you went back to it too, sliding your fingers over your slick walls as you listened to Jimin's breath start to get heavier.

"And that video was my present to you. Your reward to show you how turned on that made me." You continued, your eyes shutting tight as you passed over a sensitive spot.

"Well, all that did was make me hard again, and now I'm here trying to get myself off while my group mate sleeps 10 feet away from me. Are you going to take responsibility?" He grunted, the sounds of his hand picking up speed echoing in the back.

"Hm, should I? Maybe I should just go listen to that voicemail again and let you go back to sleep."

"Fuck, why would you need that when you got the real thing on the line? Unless, you would like that more?" He knew you were teasing, so he played back. What an asshole, you thought as you slid one finger into your tight hole, moaning at the slight stretch.

"Ah, fuck, baby. Tell me what you're doing right now." Jimin sighed.

"I-I'm touching myself." You breathed out, Jimin right behind you.

"Oh yeah? Where? What are you thinking about?" He purred, totally loving this. Jimin loved phone sex for some reason. While he was away on tour, you found yourself having nights like this at least 2-3 times a week. It was almost like he wasn't even gone. Almost. Of course, the real thing was infinitely better, but Jimin got so dirty on the phone that it sufficed.

"I'm to-touching my pussy," You answered, moaning again as you'd found the right spot, "and I'm thinking of you... only you."

"Only me?" Jimin laughed, "you better be thinking of only me. What am I doing to you?"

You whimpered because you were tired of all these questions. Call it selfish, but you were kind of crap at dirty talk and you loved it when Jimin took over. It was more comfortable that way, especially since he loved doing it so much. You weren't innocent or anything, but shy in that sense. He knew it too. He adored making you blush and cringe, especially when he wanted you to vocalize what you were doing to yourself when he wasn't there. Fucking, Jimin.

"Ugh, Jimin..." You whined, embarrassment creeping up into the apples of your cheeks, but all he did was giggle.

"You're so cute, baby girl. Don't be embarrassed! It's just me. I won't make fun of you." He sang. You knew he wouldn't. He was always trying to get you to come out of your shell that way, but you just... couldn't. And he respected that.

"I-you're fucking me... fast, and hard." You rasped, faltering when you heard Jimin groan on the other end.

"You'd like that wouldn't you, baby... If my cock was stuffed into your tight pussy, huh? I know you'd take it so well." He whimpered, letting out a guttural moan before he started laughing.  

"I need to be quiet so we don't get caught, but it's so hard when I keep thinking about that perfect cunt of yours. Let me hear how wet you are."

Your cheeks burned at his request but there was no way in hell you were going to deny him of it. So, you put the phone on speaker, holding it just above the source, letting the wet slick echo into the mic. Jimin groaned, absolutely loving what he was hearing, muttering a small, "Fuck yes."

You continued your movements, your fingers slicking in and out of your entrance slowly, gradually gaining speed as both yours and Jimin's breathing became faster.

"Fuck, I love you baby girl." Jimin grunted, his voice thick with lust.

You moaned in response, adding another finger to the equation. The pool in the pit of your stomach was threatening to spill as that familiar white, hot heat spread tingled through your veins.

"Jimin, I'm gonna c-come so-oon."  

He sighed at your raspy tone, "Me too, I'm so close."

You set your phone on your lower abdomen just close enough to your sex that he could still hear what you were doing to yourself. Your other hand flew down to your clit, adding that extra push to the edge and with a few more flicks and pumps, and with Jimin's deep breaths and grunts you couldn't hold back any longer.

"Mmph, Jimin- fuck!" You cried out, two fingers expertly rubbing your swollen bead with the perfect amount of pressure to ride out your orgasm. Jimin followed right behind you, a sweet whimper and a grunt of your name escaping his lips.

The two of you sat on the call a few minutes, both of your breathing slowing, your heart rate returning to normal.  

Jimin began to laugh, “Fuck, Y/n. You drive me crazy.”

Your eyes widened, “Me?! You’re the one who started this!”  

“And of course you have to finish it! Ah, girl.” You could just hear the smile in his voice, and you began to smile too. Jimin paused for a minute, the tone changing, “I miss you so much. I can’t wait to come home and see you.”

Your heart clenched, “I miss you too. So much. But you’ll be home soon enough! And then, you’ll be totally sick of me and want to leave again.” You laughed. Jimin disagreed.

“No way. I could never be sick of you. I love you way too much.”

He always knew how to make you feel better and worse at the same time, you really missed him.

“Well, Park! Get home quickly... so I don’t have to use my hand anymore.”  

“Oh, baby,” The sultry tone coming back “... you’ll be wishing it was your hand. I don’t plan on holding back. I hope you’ll be able to take it.” He winked. Your eyes rolled and you giggled.

“Well, I guess we’ll see,” You yawned, “But I’m so tired. I’m heading to bed and so should you! What time is it there anyways?”

“Hmmm, nearly 4:30. I have to be up early too. You naughty girl, keeping me up at all hours of the night.” He smiled, sleepiness pronounced in his voice.

“Like, I said, you started it. But go to bed. I love you, and I’ll talk to you later.” You hummed.

“I love you too, my sweet angel. Maybe we can do this again tomorrow night?”

“Sure, you can leave another message at the tone.”

[nocturnical]

special february reading

So I’m a little late getting started with this but I’m going to be meticulously documenting my reading of Metal Angel in the name of romance & sappy shit for Valentine’s Day. I hope to have this thing done by then but have been having some personal issues & so far I’m moving a little slow.

Prologue — wherein I have to stop every paragraph to literally laugh out loud

I’m just going to comment as I go with this one because this is a wild opening & I must endeavor to do it some justice.

First here’s this dude who thinks its cool af to be some LA scene dweeb in like 1994 & so he’s done being a mass of eyeballs with wings & decides to do the corporeal thing.

Oh, & he’s fucking Dr. Doolittle or something because the first thing he hears is some seagulls talking about clams or something.

& I mean I’m intrigued but then:

“Quickly he opened his fly and checked — yes. He had taken care to fully imagine his genitals, also, they appeared complete and very satisfactory. He zipped, noticing the slight, just-right bulge of denim at his crotch...”

Okay props for not jumping immediately to magnum dong.

Then he shifts his focus to his fingers & asks:

“Do you know how to play a mean ax?”

& my eyes rolled out of my head & I had to go find them.

Then a few paragraphs later:

“This was the music that glorified the body, that thrust like a cock, enveloped like a cunt, pounded like his strong new pulse.”

Alright, mf Lord Rochester.

The rest of the paragraph is so much flowery language about how the LA scene was defiant & real & as someone who has listened to a fair share of LA cock rock, Bay Area thrash, & the countering wave of ‘90s alt rock that was already well on the rise by ‘94 when this was published (& I’m assuming set because I’m not getting a date dropped to argue otherwise), NO.

I’ll give the ‘90s LA scene ‘decadent’ but it had already mostly played out by the late ‘80s. I say that as someone who still throw on late era bands like Bulletboys & Lynch Mob & even European metal bands that glommed onto the style & brought it into the ‘00s & beyond like Edguy & Helloween. & yes, I listen to a wide variety of trash & have zero shame.

In the next paragraph, he’s mad because he got the jeans right, he got the dick right, but forgot to pass on the wings. Then he gets in a fight with some pigeons because his superpower is bird communication & when the birds make fun of him, it’s god’s fault I guess.

The epilogue ends with an internal monologue about how he’s going to pawn a gold pin from his angel headdress for a guitar.

TLDR: This is metal af, fight me.

[irrelevantwriter]

By The Light Of The Moon

Pairing: Negan x Witch!Female Reader/You

Rating: Explicit, NSFW

Warnings: Language, mutual masturbation, oral sex (female receiving), fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, Negan getting seriously mind fucked, spooky tings (bc its Halloween and I’m in the spirit)

Word Count: 6.5K

Summary: Negan takes notice of a beautiful stranger at The Sanctuary. You’re willing to offer a lot more than he signed up for.

A/N: So, because I can’t possibly help myself, I’ve decided to do a take on the Hopper x Witch fic I did and do one for my OG Daddy Negan. This one is A LOT more in depth and long AF, but so worth it. This idea was perfect for Negan and I can’t wait to see what you guys think! Enjoy and share with your friends!

P.S.

Requests are still coming! This def got me in the headspace for Negan again. Be on the lookout. And if you’d liked to be tagged in any of my stories, holla at your girl.

*Masterlist in bio.

**********************

Negan swung Lucille at his side, deciding to bring her along on his trek through The Sanctuary’s marketplace. The air was crisp and smelled of pumpkin and apple spices. According to his timekeepers, it was the night before Halloween. And The Sanctuary was in full spirit.

Baked goods permeated the air while children rushed to put a costume together. Negan couldn’t help the smile that fell on his lips at the sights and smells. It felt good to be festive and he’d decided to stroll through his kingdom to take in all it had to offer.

Of course he did have an ulterior motive for such a visit. He was Negan after all. He never did anything without a reason. And his stroll had a purpose.

As if seemingly overnight, the whole place had become enchanted with a woman selling homemade goods in the market. She apparently made soaps, candles, and oil remedies, among other things. And they seemed to work, at least by the accounts of his people. It sounded like hippie shit to him. But even Simon had brought her up, talking nonstop about the fucking lotion she made him for his sore shoulder. The man seemed hypnotized...everyone did. And Negan came to find out just exactly what all the fuss was about.

People dropped to their knees as he moved through the crowd, but he waved them off. He was here on pleasure, not business. His dark eyes found a booth in the corner with a crowd surrounding it, the person in charge not visible through the shoppers. Negan made his way over, sure this was where he was headed.

A hushed silence filled the air as he strode up, effectively making his way to the front of the line. He smiled when his eyes caught the beauty behind the table. He understood why so many people were taken with you. You were stunning.

He bit his lip, his toothy grin on full display as he took you in. Beyond your obvious attractiveness, there was a magnetic pull, something he couldn’t quite explain. It was mystic and not solid, like a fog. And he could feel it calling to him.

“Well, what do we have here?” He bellowed, making the people nearby pause. He found he didn’t care to have an audience so he dismissed them, insinuating the booth was closed to everyone except him.

He observed you, trying to read your expressions. You didn’t seem at all perturbed by his actions. In fact, you seemed somewhat amused. A smile turned one corner of your lips and he found himself mirroring the gesture.

“So you’re the one who everyone’s been going on about?” He gestured with his free hand to your surroundings, appearing as if he was unimpressed by your reputation.

Truth was...he was intrigued. And mildly suspicious. Not much got by him at The Sanctuary, if anything. The fact that you’d gone under the radar and passed his keen eye peaked his interest.

“Guess so.” You replied simply, face still unmoving.

He grunted, a little disappointed at your lack of response.

He’d be the first to say what an arrogant, self-righteous asshole he was. Leading a community had made him a hardened man. People respected him. They feared him. And women were enamored with him. They practically threw themselves at his feet. Your blasé attitude made him falter. Yet he found himself inexplicably drawn to you...to your energy. Whatever the fuck that meant.

He picked up a bottle filled with thick ivory cream. The handwritten label said it was body lotion with hints of lavender and vanilla. He wasn’t usually into the fresh scents of body washes and lotions, but he had to admit that the shit smelled amazing.

“Your products are all the rage around here, doll.” He perused your table, picking up a random item here and there to scent. His fingers stopped on a drawstring bag with herbs, the label identifying it as a sleep aide.

“A lot of people feel that they work. Helps them get through the days a little easier.” You explained, following him down the table.

Negan nodded, lifting a lavender candle to his nose. The fucking thing smelled heavenly. “So I’ve heard.”

“You should take some.” You offered, gesturing to the bag of herbs he’d been eyeing moments before.

“For sleep? Why would I need that?” He questioned, almost offended you assumed he didn’t get quality rest.

“It’s the most popular. Not many of us get a good night’s rest these days. I imagine leading this place makes it difficult to fully relax.” You picked up the bag and held it out to him, a pleasant smile still present on your lips.

Negan studied you long and hard, uncaring if he made you uncomfortable. He didn’t appear to though. You stood facing him head on, eyes catching his in a captivating stare off.

“How long have you been here? At The Sanctuary.” He watched as you finally let your hand fall, giving up on passing the herbs to him.

“A couple of months.”

“Who brought you in?” He pressed, eyebrow arched and jaw clenched in an intimidating fashion.

“I don’t remember.”

Negan shook his head and pursed his lips, unhappy with your answer. “Sounds a little suspicious to me.”

He waited a beat to see if you’d react. You didn’t.

“What’s your name, doll?”

“Doll is fine.”

He chuckled, amused by your answer. “You’d be the first to say so.”

He sighed and straightened his back, standing to his full height. He could tell that there was something different about you, something enigmatic. He hadn’t figured out if it was good or bad. He felt the need to push you for answers, to learn every detail of your life, both past and present. But he could also feel a nagging in the back of his head, a nagging that was urging him to let it go.

He decided he would. For now. At least until he could fuck you. Which he planned to do soon.

“I’ll take the herbs and a candle, doll.”

***********************************************

Negan awoke with a start. His body was prickled with sweat, his limbs feeling like lead weights. He reached on his nightstand for his watch, taking note of the still black night outside his windows.

12:00 am.

It was Halloween.

And he’d only been asleep for a few hours.

He searched his memory, trying to piece together his evening. His mind felt oddly foggy and he had to concentrate hard on remembering.

He’d made it to his room after fucking Tanya’s red-headed brains out and then ate his dinner. Then, he’d gone over some notes with Simon for the meeting the next day and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He’d remembered the bag of herbs he’d bought from you and decided to give them a try. He’d followed your instructions and mixed them into a warm mug of water, making sure the liquid went from clear to a light yellow. He found that detail odd, but you’d assured him it was normal.

He drank it. The mixture had a surprisingly pleasant taste. And then he’d apparently passed out because his memory stopped there.

His mouth felt dry and he fumbled for a bottle of water he kept nearby. He drained its contents, wayward drops of water landing on his bare chest instead.

He wiped his mouth and the sweat from his brow, scanning his bedroom for the thing that woke him. Everything appeared to be in order. He stopped and listened, waiting to hear a noise or two. Nothing. All was quiet.

He was overcome with the sudden compulsion to seek you out. It startled him how much he wanted to do so. And while he knew the hour was late and he had no real reason for doing so, he did it anyway.

Negan walked the silent halls of The Sanctuary, somehow knowing exactly where to find you. He moved quickly, the urge to see your face now a desperate craving. Everyone was asleep. Not a soul was up or moving about. That fact was odd. The factory always stayed alive with some sort of activity, even in the dead of night.

That wasn’t the case tonight.

He made it to your closed door in minutes, the light coming from beneath signaling that you were still awake. His heart was hammering in his chest, his body suddenly having a strong reaction to your proximity. He felt off. He’d felt off since he woke up, but he couldn’t figure out what exactly was wrong. All he knew was that he had to see you.

He knocked softly, listening for movement beyond the wooden barrier. He heard a shuffle of feet and then the knob turned. Your figure was illuminated by the light at your back as you opened the door. A wave of lavender and rose scent hit him, instantly putting him in a state of relaxation. He hungrily took in your appearance. A white nightgown that stopped just above your knees adorned your frame. It was a thin cotton material, the fabric nearly see through. It was a mesmerizing sight.

“Hi, I uh…” He found himself at a loss for words. A true first. “I’m sorry to bother you so late, doll.” He scratched at the back of his neck, attempting to focus on your face and not your seemingly impeccable pair of tits.

“It’s okay.” You said softly, smiling up at him as you spoke.

You suddenly stepped away from the doorway and out of Negan’s line of vision. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment before you returned, only this time you had a long black knit cardigan on and flats on your feet. You made a move to step into the hallway with him and he backed up quickly to allow you to do so.

“What’re you doing?” He asked as you turned back to face him.

“Taking you somewhere.” You reached for his hand, pulling him with you down the hallway. Negan followed, though he was unaware of why he was doing so.

“Where? It’s the middle of the goddamn night.” He questioned, taking notice of how you moved with such ease through the maze of halls.

“Somewhere special.” You threw over your shoulder as you led him outside into the chilly October evening.

The sky was black, probably the blackest Negan had ever seen it. But the moon was full and it was illuminating everything. It cast a ghostly glow on the factory and the surrounding woods. A breeze swept through the trees, the remaining leaves falling off their limbs almost instantly. The night was soundless, just like The Sanctuary. It was unusual. Not even the low, decaying groans of the dead could be heard.

“Where’s my fucking guards?” He asked you, somehow knowing you would know the answer. He gestured to the lookout posts atop the fences, the empty spaces making him pause. You pulled against his hand, your flesh suddenly heating him from the inside out.

“Don’t worry. It’ll all be fine.” You soothed.

It worked. And he was back to following you beyond the fences.

The woods were dense and difficult to navigate, but you maneuvered through them like you’d been doing it for years. He let you lead him. His body and mind followed you, trusted you. He realized how bizarre and extremely out of character his behavior was, but he couldn’t put a stop to it. Nor did he want to.

The cabin was nestled deep into the woods, but close enough to The Sanctuary that Negan wondered how he’d missed it. It had clearly been here for some time, but appeared to still be kept up by someone. There was a soft glow of light from a window, a billow of smoke rising into the night from the chimney. It was both a welcoming and ominous sight.

They hadn’t encountered any of the dead throughout their journey. He hadn’t even heard an animal rustle in the trees. It was if they were they only two people alive. He found he didn’t mind that fact. It was obvious he was willing to follow you anywhere.

You opened the door of the cabin and ushered him inside. The intoxicating scents of lavender filled his nostrils, the sensation making his eyes roll into the back of his head. He suddenly felt buzzed, as if he’d downed several shots of whiskey. His senses felt dulled and heightened all at the same time. He was entranced by you, by this place.

Orange flames burned in the fireplace, illuminating the space. An old table with two chairs sat near a makeshift kitchen, herbs and flowers hanging from the window to dry out. A small sofa and a chair made up the living room next to the fire. A bookcase held rows and rows of thick, leather-bound books. The titles were too small for Negan to see from his spot near the door, but he could tell the spines were worn with time.

His attention was diverted to the back corner where a large bed sat. It was adorned in black sheets and a dark purple blanket. Black lace hung from the four-poster railings, surrounding the bed in a veil of darkness. Candles littered the surfaces of two nightstands, the wax falling downward onto the wood top to escape the heat of the flame.

“Here.” You appeared in front of him with a steaming cup of liquid. You’d removed your cardigan and flats, your shoulders bare and calling to him.

“What is it?” He asked, accepting the drink. He inspected it, but it looked unremarkable. He took an exploratory sip, the smell wafting up to him .

“Tea.” You answered, moving behind him to remove his leather jacket. He let you, as had become the pattern for the evening.

Your hands danced along his arms, inspecting his tattoos with curiosity. He remained still, taking small sips from the mug as you did so. He felt your touch run up his bicep and over his shoulders, caressing the chords in his neck as you explored. Your palm made contact with his bearded cheek and he nuzzled into the warmth.

“You’re very important, Negan.” You mused, moving a strand of out of place hair from his forehead.

“Of course I fucking am. I’m a leader.” He agreed, his smug attitude finally making a comeback.

You smiled at his response and took the mug from his hand. You placed it on the table behind you and moved back into his personal space. Your hands gripped at his white t-shirt, your body pressing into his.

“That’s not what I meant.” You whispered into his neck, lips grazing his flesh.

His body broke out into shivers at the touch of your lips. He could feel your body heat radiating from you, the thrum of your heartbeat echoing in his ears. He wondered if you could hear his too with the way it was pumping.

“You have a purpose. I want to show you what that purpose is.” You pressed your lips against his suddenly, your tongue demanding permission to explore him.

Negan gripped your hips in return, matching your ferocity with his own. You tasted as good as you looked and he couldn’t get enough. He affixed himself to you, pressing closer as you threaded your fingers through his hair. Your breasts pushed into him and he responded with a thrust of his hips into yours. You pulled your mouth from his, peppering his neck with sensual kisses and determined bites.

“My purpose to fuck you? Because that’s about to fucking happen, doll.” He gritted through clenched teeth as one of your hands brushed his fast-hardening cock. He hissed as you bit down particularly hard on his neck and then lapped at it with your tongue seconds later.

You reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling the fabric up and off in record speed. Negan threw his head back as you assaulted his chest with your mouth, your hands playing with the clasps of his pants. The roaring of extreme arousal was making itself known inside of him and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold off.

His hands ventured beneath your nightgown and up your bare thighs, colliding with the white scrap of lace that hugged you. Your skin felt smooth, unblemished; as if you hadn’t spent all these years fighting for your life like everyone else. Your aroma was calling to him, making his mouth water and his control wane. He palmed your ass, gripping your flesh with a needy hunger. You moaned into his ear at the action, seemingly pleased with his touch. The air was thick with sexual electricity and Negan knew he wasn’t going to be able to leave this cabin until he had you.

“The bed.” You ordered, your voice coming out low and raspy. It was sexy. Your desire for him so strong that it literally poured from your lips.

Negan steered you both towards the satin and lace fortress, the bed a beacon in a midnight thunderstorm. You stopped him once the back of your knees made contact with the mattress, your lips finally pulling away from his chest and neck. He was sure he had at least a dozen fucking hickeys littering his skin by now.

He waited as you stared up at him, his hands still clutching the globes of your ass. You surprised him by cradling his face in your hands, the moment suddenly becoming intimate. Your eyes held a distinct spark, your lips a knowing smile. It was if you knew something he didn’t…a secret.

“You’ve been through so much pain.” You stated softly, fingers caressing the crow’s feet near his eyes.

He looked down at you with a mixture of confusion and disbelief, unsure of where this was headed. He could see the conviction behind your eyes, as if you really could see the voyage he’d taken and the trauma he’d been through. It made his hair stand on end.

“I can fix that for you.” You stated calmly and confidently, as if you had all the answers to his questions.

He noticed for the first time that your nails were painted a deep red as you ran them across his kiss-swollen lips.

He smirked at your antics, feeling a break in the haze. “Fix me? Hate to break it to you, doll, but I’m a lost fucking cause. Have been for a while.” He teased with a wink. 

He felt like himself again as he ran a calloused and scarred hand around to your lower stomach, grazing the waistband of your panties. You sucked in a breath when he traced your lips through the delicate fabric, feeling the moisture that had already begun to collect. His lust ratcheted up again at the touch of you and he rubbed himself against you in response. Your nipples were distinct peaks against the flimsy fabric of your nightgown and he yearned to wrap his lips around them and suckle like a newborn to its mother’s. He’d fucking live between your perfect breasts if you’d let him.

“I’m going to give you what you need, Negan. I’ll make you better.” You whispered as he took his turn to devour the flesh of your neck.

He smiled against you, entertained by your idea of pillow talk but not fully comprehending it. He didn’t give a shit what you said at this point. His dick was so fucking hard that he had to bury it inside you soon before he combusted.

“Well, since you’re offering…” He pulled back, eyes locked with yours as he pushed down the straps of your gown. “Let me see that glorious fucking body.”

You allowed him to move the fabric down your figure and over your hips, revealing yourself to him. He immediately attached himself to your tits, both mouth and hands working in tandem. Your hands pulled at his hair, keeping him mounted against you but shuddering away in sensitivity. Negan chased you with his lips, intent on marking you like you had him.

He reached a hand between your bodies, impatient with the pace. His gaze followed every curve and soft line of your body, still in awe of the perfection of your skin. It was flawless. You were flawless. A literal fantasy come to life.

Your hands were soon at his button, releasing the fabric from its hold and working it down his legs. He shed his boots quickly and stepped out of the garment, thankful he’d chosen to go commando. He watched you lick your lips at the sight of him and fuck if that didn’t make his balls tighten.

You sat down on the bed, positioning yourself so that he had a completely unobstructed view of the juncture between your thighs. He instinctually began to tug at himself while you touched yourself beneath your panties, your chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. He made it to you in two steps, a hand hooking your ankle and jerking you closer. He ripped the fabric away from your body, catching how soaked the material had gotten. You were fully nude now and practically glistening. He could almost see your pussy throb as he got onto his knees. He hovered there for a moment, taking in the scene. Your scent, your touch, hell, even the sound of your soaked channel. He savored it all.

“Negan, please…” You pleaded and damn did it feel fucking amazing to hear you call his name like that.

“You need me, doll?” He let a finger lazily play with your clit, enjoying the way you jumped at the contact.

“Yes, please…” You begged again, unashamed of your neediness. He liked that. He liked seeing you lose your composure. That shit was fueling him.

He relented and sucked harshly at your pulsing bud, his touch unforgiving. His lips kissed you while his tongue tasted you. He explored you, using his fingers to pry you open to his attack. Your thighs clenched around his head as your body arched off the bed. The candles reflected off your skin and he became awestruck by the image.

He fed on you, his appetite for you far from satiated. He welcomed your flavor on his tongue as he probed your opening, teeth nipping at your swollen lips. You yelped and jolted away, but he held you to him. He felt that drunk feeling again as he quite literally immersed himself in you.

“Don’t stop. I’m gonna cum.” You breathed out, head thrown back and hands struggling for purchase against the smooth sheets.

Negan had no intention of stopping. Instead, he doubled his efforts and ravaged you, seeing the prickle of pain flash across your features from his ruthlessness. You continued to hold his head to you as he attempted to drink every drop that poured from your lips.

“Oh, yes, yes, yes…” You chanted as your body rippled and convulsed with tremors. Negan caught every single one with his mouth, his eyes taking in the way you moaned and writhed. Your skin was slick with perspiration, your lungs rapidly taking in air as you slowly came down from your journey to space.

He stood, his whole body tense in untamable lust. He could feel the dribble of precum on his cock, the appendage begging for attention. He wedged himself between your thighs and submerged his cock in your overflowing dampness. He rutted against you, feeling you reach up to catch him in your folds. He dug his fingertips into your thighs as he let his cock nudge your abused clit. You winced at the oversensitivity.

“Fuck, I need to be inside this fucking pussy.” He growled, recognizing the tingle in his spine starting to form.

Negan didn’t wait for a response as he plunged inside of you, groaning at the instant surge of pleasure at finally being able to do so. He felt your heartbeat within your walls as it thrummed against his cock, squeezing him just right. It was as if you were made just for him. The way you hit every one of his nerves in the most delectable way possible made it seem as if you’d been sculpted for him, a genuine counterpart.

“Shit, that is one tight cunt.”

He moved slow and deep, treasuring the sensation of your body so effortlessly enveloping his. His hands were everywhere as your body became his playground. He held your tits, relishing the way they bounced to the rhythm of his hips. He grasped you throat and squeezed as you moaned for more. He took in the way your body so readily accepted his own, your pussy slickening him for his passage. It all felt fucking perfect. Perfect in a way he’d never experienced before.

“More…I need more.” You demanded, trying to reach for him.

Negan was happy to oblige and bent down to hover over your awaiting mouth. Small gasps escaped your throat as he continued to fuck you, the sound like music to his ears and pulsing dick.

“This what you wanted? This enough for you?” He grunted, angling his hips so that he could feel the natural barrier within you. He heard you whine and drag your nails down his back, the depth of his cock making you want to retreat.

“No, no…take it all, doll.” Negan tutted, forcing your body up the bed as he moved. You wrapped your legs around his waist, your teeth digging into his shoulder. The move sent a jolt through his system and he increased his speed. His hips slapped against your roughly, the loud smack of skin echoing throughout the room. He could feel his balls tightening and his limbs tingle. He wasn’t ready for it to end. He wasn’t ready to separate from your warmth just yet.

He straightened up, bringing you with him. Your body was pliable with his movements, letting him maneuver you how he saw fit. He lifted you into his arms, still impaled on him. He captured your mouth, walking to the head of the bed. He situated himself on the mattress, you still cradled in his arms. Without him having the leverage to thrust, you took it upon yourself to slide up and down on his engorged cock. He faltered at the motion, but recovered in time to position you in his lap.

“Ride me. Let that pussy take what she needs.” He nipped at your bottom lip as he encouraged you to move, slapping your ass in the process.

You didn’t hesitate. You wrapped your arms around his neck and bounced, chasing that ethereal high. Negan buried himself in your breasts, feeling that inebriated sensation start to strengthen. He gripped your hips, anchoring himself to something solid. He felt as if he might float away if he didn’t. He felt entirely too warm and the need to cum was more powerful than any other experience he’d had. His vision felt blurry, yet he could make you out perfectly. He could smell you and only you. Not the fire or the lavender anymore. His ears were attuned to your moans and whimpers, but silence lingered outside of that. He felt like he was in a vacuum of your essence, trapped but not wanting to escape.

“Yes, Negan…please cum.” Your words made him thrust up into you, eager to comply with your breathy request. The tell-tale signs were there. He was ready to let go.

Through the fog he belatedly realized he needed to pull out, not wanting to chance it. He readied himself to remove you from his lap when he felt you clamp down and hold him, your intent obvious.

“It’s okay. Do it. Fill me up.” You nibbled on his ear, tongue tracing his lobe as you massaged his cock with your walls. He went to protest, but stopped. The words died on his lips, his body now running the show. He only thought about you and how fucking magnificent you felt. He thought about how good it would feel to smear you in him. To see you leaking and dripping. The thoughts alone were enough to convince him that he should listen to you.

Your finger teased your clit as you rode him, urging him on. Negan gritted his teeth at the feel of your pussy spasming, your entire body ricocheting with the aftershocks. He surrendered to you and released, your pussy greedily taking from him as he tensed in orgasmic bliss. A hum of approval left your lips at the feel of him driving his seed into you, the warmth and stickiness coating you both.

“Fuck,” He cursed as he screwed his eyes shut. He felt like he’d been pumping for hours, the high lasting a lot longer than he’d anticipated. He felt overcome with exhaustion as he collapsed on the bed, your body still a place holder for his now flaccid cock. He looked up at you as you straddled him, a halo of candlelight encompassing you. He panted as he struggled to catch his breath while your nails dragged through his chest hair. You laid your head on his chest near his heart, your body rising in sync with his.

He was drained. Utterly and completely. He adjusted himself beneath you, feeling his cock slip out of you and land heavily between you. You rubbed yourself against him, his cum aiding the movements. His mind said no more, but his body was responding.

“Doll, this old man needs to rest. I think you broke my dick.” He groaned, feeling aches start to settle into his limbs.

You laughed, your body vibrating against his. “Doesn’t feel broken to me.” You quipped as you traced a finger over the twitching member.

He laughed, despite his fatigue and trailed a hand down your naked back. “You’re something else.”

“Good or bad?”

“Can’t decide yet. But my dick points to good.” He joked, liking the throaty laugh you released at his words. He could feel his eyes getting heavy and that distinct lethargy that came with sleep. He didn’t bother to move you from atop him. He liked your weight nuzzled against him, feeling the beat of your heart with his.

“Sleep.” You said into his chest as you placed a soft kiss near his ribs.

Negan nodded, though he was already halfway into his dreams by the time you spoke.

*******************************************

A loud knock jolted him from his slumber.

Negan sat straight up in his bed, eyes dancing around wildly in search of the intruder. He took in his bedroom skeptically, wondering how he’d gotten back.

Another knock sounded, followed by a call from the beyond the door.

“Boss? You in there?”

It was Simon. And he sounded strangely concerned.

Negan stood from his bed, groaning at the protests his sore limbs were giving him. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and thanked whoever the fuck that he at least had clothes on.

He pulled open the door and came to face-to-face with a worried looking Simon. The man’s own remaining hair was somewhat tousled and his mustache looked uncharacteristically unkempt. He looked like he’d been running his hands through it all day, an action Negan knew he didn’t partake in unless he was nervous about something.

“What is it? What happened?” He demanded, knowing there was something he was missing by the look in his friend’s eye.

He waited as Simon seemed to take him in, appearing to be relieved by his presence. The whole thing was making Negan feel weird.

“You okay? We were worried about you.” The man finally admitted, hand back in his thick moustache.

Negan arched a brow in question. “Worried? Why?”

“Its past noon. You never sleep this late. We didn’t hear from you and got nervous something happened.” He explained, gaze still inspecting Negan closely.

Negan widened his eyes at Simon’s words, not believing what he was saying was true. He raced to his nightstand and grabbed his watch, feeling a sense of déjà vu. The timepiece read back 12:15. It was still working and didn’t appear to have stopped at any point during the night.

He looked back at Simon, perplexed by his unexplained tardiness. He was just about to question his friend more about it when he remembered the previous night. The memories came flooding in like a busted dam. He saw you in that damn nightgown. The cabin in the woods. You riding his dick like a fucking prized pony. It all soared to the surface and through the fog that still littered his mind and body.

“What the fuck happened?” He mumbled to himself as he rubbed at a particularly sore spot on his shoulder. Had to be where you fucking bit him.

“You good, Boss? Need anything?” Simon interrupted from his spot in the doorway.

Negan went to dismiss him, but thought better of it and nodded. “Yeah, find me that girl from the marketplace. The one with all the lotions and shit.”

He waited for a yes sir from his right hand man, but never got one. He met Simon’s confused gaze and went to describe you further when the Savior spoke up.

“What girl? I don’t know anyone like that.”

Negan sighed, trying hard not to take his mounting frustration out on his friend. “Yeah you do, shithead. You bought some lotion from her for your bum shoulder.”

At his blank stare, he continued.

“I spoke to her yesterday. You were fucking there. Struggling to flirt with Meredith at the table with all the shitty DVDs.” Negan explained, attempting to jog Simon’s memory. It didn’t seem to be working.

“We didn’t go to the market yesterday.”

“Yeah, we fucking did.”

“No. I was at The Kingdom yesterday while you went to the northeast outpost.”

Negan shook his head, unable to comprehend what Simon was saying. There was no way that was true. He remembered it as clear as day. He remembered you. Simon had to be wrong. And Negan was going to prove it to him.

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Simon asked, that worry gaze back and aimed squarely on him.

Negan waved him away, searching his room for his boots, jacket, and Lucille. “Yeah, fine. I’ll be down in a minute.”

Simon hesitated, but he could see that Negan wanted to be alone so he complied.

Negan checked the calendar on his desk, his diligence when crossing off the days a daily ritual. He found the last day that was crossed out.

Halloween.

He wasn’t tripping fucking balls. He had his days right. Now he just had to find you.

**************************************

One month later…

Negan rubbed tiredly at his eyes, wishing he’d worn his reading glasses. He sat at his desk, studying the maps of each community who fell under his territory. It was late and he’d been staring at the goddamn things for hours, though the action was pointless. He wasn’t focused. Hadn’t been since that day a month ago.

He’d never found you.

Thirty days later and there still wasn’t any sign of you, your booth at the market, or your cabin in the woods. He’d had men out looking. Chasing a fucking ghost.

No one knew of you. No one had any recollection of you. Except for him. And it was fucking torture.

You were his elusive seductress, his enchantress. You were all he could think about. You dominated his thoughts, his dreams. Sometimes he felt as if he could still feel you beneath his fingertips. Hear the melodic tune of your pulse against his. A random breeze of lavender would sweep over him, carried by the wind. But you never materialized.

He knew he hadn’t made you up. He knew you weren’t some sort of fever dream. He’d had the marks on his skin to prove it. Scratches down his back, bites along his neck and chest, and the sore limbs from hours of fucking to prove it.

But the more days that passed, the more his memory failed him. His mental image of you faded over time, along with the bruises and scratches that littered his flesh. You were becoming lost in the everyday bustle and he didn’t know how to stop it. He had to give up searching for you, fearing his followers would start to think he was losing his fucking mind. His men already thought so. Simon practically had a straitjacket picked out for him.

All he could do was keep an eye out for you when he went beyond the fences. He searched everywhere, under the guise he was looking for supplies. It was pathetic really. He didn’t even know your fucking name.

His watch beeped from beside him, alerting him to the new hour.

12:00 am.

He decided to turn in for the night, done with tormenting himself. He stood up and stretched, hearing the satisfying pop of several joints as he did. He made his way to the window to take one last cursory glance to ensure everything was as it should be. He noticed something odd immediately. He felt like he did that night…wired but sluggish. It was a combination he could never forget.

Looking out into the night he realized how dark and empty the sky was, save for the new full moon that spotlighted the earth. Negan’s whole body went stiff as he searched for his guards. He couldn’t see anyone. It was dead silent.

A sudden warmth filled his body and a tingle started at the base of his toes. It was pleasant and started to move up each limb. He found himself succumbing to it, eyes rolling back the stronger it got. Suddenly and without warning, a crippling pain overtook his entire body. His bones felt like they were breaking and extending to unbearable lengths. His skin felt stretched and pulled tight, fighting to cover his expanding body. He yelled out in pain as his spine broke through his shirt and his legs jutted out of his pants. Long black fur soon covered every surface of him while his hands turned to oversized paws with jagged talons. His face felt like it was being seared off as it contorted into new features.

He collapsed to the floor on his knees, unable to take the agony. Simultaneously, his mind began to piece together the forgotten fragments. He saw you clearly once again as he relived your moments together. He saw your first conversation and the time at the cabin. He saw him worshipping your body over and over again throughout the night, your sweat-laced bodies slicking against each other. He saw your mind and the plans you had for him.

He saw everything.

“I can fix that for you.”

“I can give you what you need, Negan.”

“I’ll make you better.”

Your voice echoed in his ears, your true meaning now apparent. He felt a swell of testosterone rush through his veins, the appetite for blood suddenly all-consuming. He sniffed the air, smelling nothing but lavender. He growled, his hair standing on end as he felt you get nearer. 

You were here and you’d come to collect.

He hunched on all fours, the pose feeling natural to him in this state. Unbridled lust mixed with frenzied rage, making his mouth salivate. His teeth were larger in size and sharper, his tongue running over them hungrily. The moon shone itself in his room and he instinctually howled. He felt a pull towards the window, outside the walls of the factory. He didn’t stop to think. He only acted. He rushed the window and burst through, scaling the wall as he made his way down to the ground. He landed on his hind legs, standing up straight to scent the air. Beyond the trees he could see a plume of smoke.

The cabin.

You were calling for him…waiting. And as he ran towards you, human nature now erased by animalistic instincts, he heard your final words to him from that night ring in his head.

“I’m going to give you what you’ve always wanted. You’ll be your true form. And I’ll be your true mate. By the light of the moon, you’ll fulfill your true fate.”

[system-of-a-feather]

That ask game you rbed, how bout 3 lol

“3. Rant. Just do it.“ - The Other Anon

(tw; positive cursing, bloodborne images so moderate gore)

OKAY HERE WE GO. I GOT ANOTHER THING TO RANT ABOUT. It took me time to get the topic and info dumping / rambling urges for something that I was comfortable posting here. So anyways

Our system has a bit of a thing with gaming and between our system, we have a pretty wide taste that includes a lot of things other than MMORPGs and those multiplayer stuff (Battlefield and COD); so we have like everything from Stardew and Harvest Moon, to Souls-borne, to Management Simulators, to Stealth Games, to Casual Garden / Plant / Animal Sims to Visual Novels to RPGs to some Horror to Minecraft and all that.

Me, Ray, and another part we don’t talk about here really take an affinity to gaming. I typically prefer more story-driven, management games, and more casual farming games. Ray on prefers a lot more AAA action titles. You know those games you bank hours and hours into and BARELY finish the main story - yeah those, I can’t play those for the life of me XD

But anyways, I usually REALLY love me some Bugsnax (lowkey a slight obsession lately), Stardew Valley, Pokemon, Harvest Moon, Hakuoki, Amnesia: Memories (even though they have a problematic “DID character”, its a guilty nostalgic like), and all that but like....

My absolute favorite is probably Bloodborne. A lot of the other ones have a nostalgic pull and/or I REALLY like them, but I think at this point Bloodborne and similar games have become my genuine favorite genre even though it stands out because firstly, they tend to have legit music, secondly, they tend to have legit aesthetic, and thirdly, they are so frustrating and well managed in combat that it is so much fun to just analyze it all and try to figure out the best way to go about doing things.

So like, lets start with Bloodborne in this - because believe it or not the original intent of this rant was not it, but I really do have to establish this. 

Reason Bloodborne is Awesome, lets go

One, the story - if you can follow it - is really interesting and well scattered, but I very very much particularly love the theme / question / moral of “Would you rather return to a world blissfully unaware of all the horrors you have seen and learned and live innocently unaware” or “Live in the horrors and be aware of the rest of eternity but at least you know the truth” cause honest to god, if that aint a fucking mood I don’t know what is. 

Secondly, GOD do they have the aesthetic down on point. Theres another ask below this asking about my aesthetic, and part of that answer is just fucking Bloodborne now. Like at one point I went “Man I would look cool in Bloodborne aesthetic clothing and shit” and I guess I accidentally ended up with bloodborne armor in the inner world and at first I didn’t know how to revert back to whatever I was wearing (I don’t even remember at this point) and I was like “Uhhh” but HONESTLY I don’t want to change it? I have not found something that is such a solid aesthetic that I love that makes me feel cooler when I’m running around in the inner world so why drop it? And also lowkey now I want to actually adopt that into my IRL life if I ever get the time and money so..??? I mean I’ll go more into that on the aesthetics post but dude look

Are you really going to tell me that isn’t a solid dark aesthetic? And then the bosses are legit af?

And then the clothing and Lady Maria???

Okay and then say all of that is just average or not selling you. Okay okay thats fine.

Like there is also how absolutely frustrating, meticulous and well planned the game is yeah yeah we all know that its Souls-borne genre, but sure - give that number three as a reason.

But number four, oh god NUMBER FOUR. I don’t know how much this has been made apparent on our blog, but our system is VERY in love with music as an art. We were raised with musical instruments (both older siblings played instruments from elementary to highschool, we still continue into college), growing up we were exposed to a lot of instrumental music, and we developed an EXTREME reliance on music to deal with both our abusive family / trauma, to help regulate our own mind, emotions and all, and to also deal with how uncomfortable silence is for us. 

So music has been a HUGE developmental factor in our life and we REALLY love and appreciate it and its sometimes painful. But the composition of Bloodborne music - it is BEYOND words for me. I could probably write pages and pages of appreciation for how masterly crafted, perfect and well put together almost EVERY SINGLE piece of the game is and how - after years of listening to them on repeat - I can still find new aspects of it and a new technique or aspect I hadn’t noticed or thought much about to still adore.

I legitamently have screamed over how certain parts just click together perfectly. I can get so much positive overflowing joy and excitement from how well the parts interact and how perfectly dramatic the music flows and how active and physical the experience is that I feel the need to SCREAM internally and sometimes externally. 

I obsess over orchestral music and OSTS and film music and trailer music and video game music and all of that and I have to say with almost complete confidence that I’m pretty sure Bloodborne is - in my opinion - one of the best crafted orchestrated units.

Even from my own source, one that I love, have they only recently been able to produce a SINGLE track that echoes similarly in the intensity and amazement that I would consider it around par.

I will DIE internally everytime I hear it and sometimes I have actually had to turn it off because it was TOO overstimulating to listen to because of how much UGH it brings me. 

More than it is fun to play, Bloodborne is AMAZING to listen to and I can’t state that enough ugh XD

But anyways, before I go on THAT too much, I love Bloodborne. Joke is that as a fictive it is my “second source” even though it makes no sense. I have adopted it, I have claimed it. I love it and I will die for Bloodborne

So LATELY I’ve started a new game I just bought called Code: Vein and its apparently Anime Bloodborne or something like that and so far its really legit and while the music will never compare to Bloodborne - at least from what I’ve seen - I’ve REALLY been enjoying it and its music isn’t half bad itself

It also hilariously talks about “hearts” and loosing them and also memory issues and I’m dying cause they legitamently took Bloodborne’s Aesthetic, put anime on it, gave it a dark story with memories and indepth characters and served it on a platter for me?

And like dude I love games that comment on memory and emotions and stuff like that and I love the aesthetic and that I can kind of look like myself AND wear cool clothes like? 

Man I’m enjoying it and I’m realizing that Souls-borne is probably my favorite genre officially and I’m embracing it. Good game play, good aesthetics, good fighting, and good stories. I love it.

Anyways to finish this rant, here is the first photo I took of my avatar.

-Riku (Host)

[hana-bean]

Ayumi Hamasaki Picks:  A Song for ×× era (1998-1999)

I’ll admit, I avoided A Song for ×× like COVID for way, way too long. Her vocals were hard to adapt to if you had only heard her I am... material and beyond. I personally found her voice high and squeaky; seemingly years and miles away from the Ayu I was introduced to at 14 years of age in 2002. There were a few tracks in their remix form I was able to stomach but otherwise, this album was an Ayumi I didn’t care to know. In fact, you’ll notice on most of these tracks I note that I prefer remixes over originals.

Within the last couple of years, I listened to this album in its entirety and ultimately fell in love. I realized now how important this debut is in considering and appreciating where Ayu started. Yes her sound is relatively high-pitched and un-Western, but it’s endearing AF. This album is able to span both sides of various spectrums: fun and sad, innocent and experienced, light-hearted and heartfelt. It exudes such a compelling, youthful perspective of love and heartbreak that I can’t help but empathize with it. Honestly, I don’t think I would feel the same emotions if this album was recorded with a more mature, older voice.

---

Rating system:

☆☆☆☆ Love - play this at my funeral ☆☆☆ Like - skippable, but still good ☆☆ Meh - this does nothing for me ☆ Hate - I’ve only listened to this once just to confirm I hated it (⭒ you might see these little guys pop up from time to time, which represent a half star because I can’t make up my damned mind)

For a couple of tracks I give two different ratings because sometimes a remixed version is better than the original.

---

A Song for ×× album tracks

Track 1: “Prologue” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like It’s a prelude. Not the best or worst, but a good one.

Track 2: “A Song for ××” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love Are you really even an Ayu fan if you don’t like this song? Kidding! But seriously, I think it’s safe to say that this is a very, very important song to Ayumi; if the number of its live performances aren’t an indicator, the drama from even watching one is enough to move you. One of my favorite live performances ever is from her A Museum tour—the a cappella beginning of the first verse and bridge lures you in and forces you to listen, for her only to then blow you away with the booming orchestral intensity of the chorus. GAH! Fuck me up, Ayu!

Her “030213 Session #2 Take” re-recording of it on the A BALLADS compilation album provides a more organic, and arguably more powerful listening experience. Though she is older, you still can hear the strength of her despair. Her loneliness and strong façade hasn’t left, but has only changed and grew up with her.

The “Ferry Corsten Chilled Mix” from her first ayu trance album is also a total vibe. Great remix.

Track 3: “Hana” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I’d file this one under: “the remixes are better than the original.” I mean the original is still a good listen, but the “dub’s trance remix” and acoustic orchestra version give it more oomph and dimension respectively (both are found on the first ayu-mi-x compilation). The lyrics reflect a fear of the relative unknown, or rather, a fear of growing, only to wilt or get stepped on. And I love how her considerably sad and pensive lyrics are backed with lively arrangements; it’s one of the many things I love about her music.

Track 4: “FRIEND” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love This 👏🏼 song 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 underrated 👏🏼 OMG do I love this song, it’s so fucking wholesome. This track was the one which truly solidified my love for ASf××. Like if this had a music video, I can totally see it popping up on the Disney channel back in the late ‘90s with Ayu dancing at a beach carnival in a pair of Keds or something. Though this song is not devoid of sadness, there is a bit of hope to it, and it’s just simply, super pure. It’s definitely a personal fave. 

Track 5: “FRIEND II” Rating: ☆☆ Meh It’s forgettable... I’m having a hard time trying to remember how it goes. I’m sure if I heard it, I’d be like “Ohhhh yeah!” but my mind is only broken picture links rn.

Okay I’ve listened to it and for some reason I get “Song 4 u” vibes like the very beginning guitar riff sounds like the “S4u” chorus, and even the build to the “FII” chorus is similar, I almost expect “S4u” sung over this. At least she copied herself LOL I mean it’s not a terrible song, but the first FRIEND is the better FRIEND.

Track 6: “poker face” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Yes it’s her first single ev4r so like, it’s all important and shit. But I feel there are better tracks on this album which easily eclipse the song. Though it fits in well with the album as a whole. Perhaps as a single compared to only “FRIEND” it holds its own but honestly, just it being Ayu’s debut song is really the only reason why I even remember it.

Track 7: “Wishing” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I believe this is the first (and only) slow ballad that pops up on the album, and also believe this was a good foundation laid for the rest of the slow ballads of her career. This song showcases the youth and yearn of her voice very well. Does anyone know if she has even performed this song live?

Track 8: “YOU” Rating: ☆☆ Meh (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (”Aggressive Mix”) I’ll be real: this original track is boring. Though the “Aggressive Mix” on the first ayu-ro mix album slaps for years and I don’t even really care for Eurobeat. The “FINE MIX” on the ayu-mi-x album is also pretty groovy with that—albeit slow—reggae vibe. I’d argue any remix of this song gives it way more personality and likability. 

Confession time: back when cosplay shows at cons were just like a mishmash of skits planned the day of and walk-ons, I thought about actually doing some kind of one-woman interpretive dance to the “Aggressive Mix.” It never happened so you’re welcome. 

Track 9: “As if...” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like This is just a good bop. I love the fake-out beginning of the slow piano and then: !!!TATOEBA!!!

Also I really appreciate the bass during the verses, like it goes ~BUM BUM~ every four counts and it’s just something nice and subtle which contributes positively to the song.

Track 10: “POWDER SNOW” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (acoustic orchestra) Three words: acoustic orchestra version. Are y’all seeing the pattern here? But seriously, this song supported by the simplicity of a haunting piano completely changes the mood of this song for the better. I will agree that the original arrangement has a great buildup, but it doesn’t compare to the emotion of the acoustic version.

Also, do any of you fellow old people remember Kazaa? When I was Ayu-curious, I was looking for random songs to download and the acoustic orchestra version of “POWDER SNOW” was one of the first songs I ever downloaded (maybe that plays into my bias). 

Honestly, now that I think about it, it might have been Morpheus at the time...

Track 11: “Trust” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like Also one of the first songs I ever heard from Ayu, so I like it for nostalgic reasons. Otherwise I would have relegated this to the ‘meh’ pile. 

This is one of the first Japanese songs I ever learned to sing, so I gotta give credit to my 14-year-old self.

Track 12: “Depend on you” Rating: ☆⭒ M— (I don’t hate it, but don’t not hate it enough to warrant the full ‘Meh’) This song is overrated :D The only good thing to come from this single is “Two of us.” Next! 

Track 13: SIGNAL Rating: ☆☆⭒ Meh-eh? Well...? It’s a good track, I respect it. Not as memorable as the other songs but it fits well in the album. A good filler song.

Track 14: “from your letter” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like The very beginning with the snaps and twinkly sounds are pretty cool. The song is enjoyable and calls for some shoulder moving at least. There was a remix on AHS a long time ago by sleeperspaceborn which was pretty damned good, and in fact made me like this song. 

Track 15: “For My Dear...” Rating: ☆☆☆⭒ Like Like  Here for the drama and the high notes, shoot it straight into my bloodstream and do not resuscitate. The Acoustic Version is also a great remix, I love how she sounds like she’s screaming over the piano and guitar.

Track 16: “Present” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Like “FRIEND II” I can’t remember this song...

Ah there it is! *proceeds to forget again*

Non-album tracks:

“Two of us” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love I absolutely l-o-v-e this song right down to the cheesy, slow dance prom-y feel to it. Hell, even the “touch of mahogany mix” is one of the best remixes; I dare you not to at least bob your head when you hear it. This song can only be found on the Depend on You single and it’s a damn shame it didn’t make it to the ASf×× album. However maybe this can be considered her first slow ballad... but again, solid foundation. The lyrics are once again so pain-ridden and sorrowful, but then when you hear it against that funky rhythm on the “touch of mahogany mix,” you can’t help but submit to the dissonance of snapping along while in tears.

Also Xelakad provided an ah-mazing remix of this song on AHS a while back too. It seriously turns this song into a spiritual experience.

---

Average era rating: ☆☆☆ Like

If I could describe this album in two words, they would be: cohesive and precious. Yes her lyrics reflect hurt, rejection, and cynicism, but against the pop rock beats and her high voice, the album maintains an element of innocence. I believe it was a strong and consistent debut relative to her discography, as we are introduced to a young and weary Ayu who’s uncertain about the future, of love, of herself... *le sigh*

But let’s tie everything up in a nice pretty bow. For the list of Ayu’s creative bests, the common denominator is how much I really loved the drama and uniqueness of the tracks. Given that Ayu’s music style quickly evolved after this album, we conceivably don’t and won’t hear any songs like these ever again, and that’s why they’re just special.

The ‘Loves’ (only in order of track listing): A Song for ×× FRIEND POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) YOU “Aggressive Mix” Two of us

Ayu’s creative bests: A Song for ×× POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) For My Dear... Two of us

***

Credits: -Album art from Wikipedia -Concert screenshots from eneabba.net/ayu

Disclaimer: this post is solely my personal view and opinion. I am a Westerner with no fluency in Japanese, and so my viewpoint is shaped from English translations provided by ahsforum.com and all the feels from years of daily listening.

[theartoftiinyideas]

first meetings and near-death experiences

[kageyama tobio x fem! reader]

a/n: my first ever post here, hope you enjoy a flustered blueberry boy and the gigantic amount of headcanons i spat out for him on a whim of inspiration. stong language ahead!

word count: it’s so fucking long you don’t even wanna know but it’s good shit i promise

summary: a lot of interesting people roam the train station late at night. at one moment, they appear to be stealing your precious volleyball. the next, they save your precious life.

——————

it was a really late Friday night and you were walking to the train station after your practice, gym bag slung on your shoulder and volleyball in your hand

you play beach volleyball, so you were sticky with sand and sweat, pleasantly tired but wanting to just go home after a long day and do absolutely nothing on the weekend

when you got to the station you almost smacked the information board with your ball, groaning about the fact that your train was only due in 30 minutes

stupid Miyagi public transportation and their stupid schedules

there was literally no one around this late, just some guy sitting on the other side of the tracks, and you grew bored in exactly 0.6 seconds

you decided to play around with your ball to kill time, but you were deadass tired, and one wrong move sent the ball flying in a direction you did not intend it to go to, whooshing over the train tracks and landing on the other side of the station, bouncing away as if it were laughing at you

now this station had their deep-ass train tracks running in the middle, so you would've had to cross over by the railway bridge to get your ball back, but there was no way in hell you were doing that as it would require you to physically move

meanwhile Kageyama's sitting on a bench with his earphones in, listening to his rage playlist and cursing that dumbass Hinata in his mind because he made him stay for extra practice, which caused him to miss his train and now he has to wait and ugh, shut it Tobio, nobody's buying your crap we know you like practicing with Hinata

so Kags is kinda pissed and zoned out, but he sees something bouncing from the corner of his eyes and wait just a second is that a volleyball? how'd that get there?

you're intensely brainstorming about what you should do when you spot the guy you've seen earlier get up to retrieve your ball and you let out a sigh of relief, thinking the situation was handled

but instead of throwing it back to you, the guy just kinda... stares at it with heart eyes questioningly

okay, that’s fine, he probably didn’t see you, you just have to make him notice you somehow and- woah woah wOAH

the guy had the audacity to actually start examining your ball, testing it out in his hands and throwing it against the wall like he's checking the quality before planning to s t e a l i t

and you're getting pissed because uhh excuse me wtf that's clearly not yours pal so you start calling out to him but he either doesn't hear you or doesn't want to hear you that little thief

thinking it was right damn time to resort to drastic measures, you begin full-blown screaming and frantically waving your limbs around to try and get his attention

meanwhile Kageyama is still trying to figure out the mysterious appearance of the volleyball because this boy can be lil dumb sometimes, but hey, what's that sound disturbing his loud ass music

he takes out an earphone and almost topples over from surprise because who the hell is screaming but then he's turning around with his angry af Tobio expression activated because who the hell is screaming ffs?¿

“well fucking finally, you asshole, at least we know you're not completely deaf. now give me back my ball.”

and Kags is even more annoyed now, scowl deepening and imaginary fire erupting behind him because who does this random girl think she is your future gf tobio but sshhh

and really the only defense mechanism Kags knows for screaming is evEN MOrE scREaMInG

“how the hell do I know this is even your ball, dumbass?!

*crosses arms over chest* “well, is it yours?”

that question catches Kageyama off guard and he suddenly becomes a whole lot more nervous because you don't seem to be angry anymore, actually you're really chill standing there with your eyebrows raised at him and oh god what does he do now???

“uhm... no?”

yeah tobio, real smooth, you totally got this under control

“wooww, you’re killing it, sherlock. since you're such a genius, solve this: only the two of us here! to who else could that stupid ball belong to?''

“okay, okay, fine!”

Kags' ears are totally red from embarrassment, his lips angrily jutting out as he stalks toward the train tracks, gripping that damned ball between his fingers and praying to every god out there that his hair concealed most of his face

it didn’t, and Kageyama knows immediately from your amused grin that you're enjoying his suffering and now he's feeling even more awkward and salty

his usual comfort is volleyball ofc, so instead of acting like a normal person and throwing it back, he tosses the ball perfectly into your waiting hands almost on instinct

and you're just standing on the platform edge with your ball now in hand, gaping at this actually pretty handsome guy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), because damn, you may have screamed his head off seconds ago, but that was a scarily accurate toss

Kageyama would rather die than admit it, but he felt a sting of pride hAH, fricking take that annoying girl as he watched your amazed expression, taking note of how you were also wearing a post-practice sweatsuit, your hair an absolutely mess but looking good anyway and wait what oh shit why are you smiling was he staring for too long shit shit abort-

“gotta hand it to you, that was a great a toss! how long have you been playing?”

Kageyama's just so confused like how do females work istg you were ready to murder him and now you're being all friendly and cute and asking him questions about v o l l e y b a l l is this real?? have the angels answered his prayers??¿?

he somehow manages to reply without embarrassing himself any further, and even though it's just short answers and questions, you're actually having a conversation

at this point you're both just rolling with it cause this whole situation is surreal enough as it is

Kags' natural trademark scowl is ever present but inside he's kinda grinning because wow he's talking to a girl and it's not super awkward because it's about something he loves doing if only the team could see him now

“for almost 8 years now. this is my first year in a high school team.”

“hey, mine too! but i've only been playing for 3 years total. man, you must be pretty good then, huh?”

“yeah, i guess.”

you almost let out a little 'aaawwww' because this guy just scratched his neck shyly, his ears turning kinda red at your compliment and the sight way beyond adorable

“let me guess, you're a setter?”

“yeah, it's the best position.”

“hah, you whish.”

“it is the best... what- um, what position do you play?”

you cannot even begin to fathom the colossal amount of effort and bravery kageyama had to collect just to utter that one question. he was starting to understand the troubles of tanaka and noya; talking to girls was hard as fuck

“oh, well, how do i explain this? there are no fixed positions in beach volleyball.”

i’m terrible sorry kageyama.exe has stopped working

“what do you mean there are no positions??”

“exactly that. no positions.”

“but how? and.. and why??”

“hey, chill out, dude, there are only two people on a team, we kinda have to do everything.”

“...what kind of stupid volleyball is this??”

“hEY you takE THaT bACK!”

aaaand you're arguing again; Kageyama absolutely outraged that his precious setter position is non-existent on a court full of sand while you loyally defend your sport because beach volleyball is better in any kind of aspect anyway

“the two of us have to have the skill set of eight people on your court, so excuse me if we're better than you.”

“eight people?! there are six players in normal volleyball, dumbass!”

“whatever! like i would vonultarily waste my time trying to remember the rules of something so basic!

“oh, i’m sorry, basic? basic?! have you ever attempted to—just once—sync together with five totally different people?? i don’t fucking think so, so get outta here with your ‘we’re better than you’s!”

you would forever take this to the grave with you, but in the instant after that last jab, your treacherous tounge always ready with a witty insult has failed to back you up and you had nothing to throw at this jerks head. but were you going down without a fight?? fuck no

“well, i, uh... setters suck!”

“you suck!”

“spiking is cooler, anyway!”

*very offended gasp* “you did not just say that!”

fired up and fumming, Kageyama just goes off on this insane rant about how you're exactly like this one annoying guy he knows, and he's super serious and angry the whole time, gesturing with wild hand movements as he paces up and down, and it's so funny you can't find yourself to be offended so you just burst out laughing

irk marks explode on Kags’ head and he almost blows up again because this is of upmost importance, but then he sees your toothy grin, your eyes crinckling in amusement as your natural laughter fills the space and echoes of the station walls and oh no, Tobio, your ears are turning red again

you quiet down after a while and flash a smile at Kags who just stiffens because goddamnit that's attractive and you just go “you're insufferable, you know that?”

LOOK WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING PLS in that moment Kageyama is completely done with girls forever until you decide to open your mouth again and change his opinion in 0.034 seconds

“but, you're pretty cool, and you play volleyball, so i can't really stay mad at you. so with that said, wanna pass the ball around until our trains come to celebrate our truce?”

Kags gives you a tiny, microscopic smile and says “sure” all nonchalant and breezy but inside he is s h o o k. he is the equivalent of asdfghjkltiwnz because you find him pretty cool?!?! okay, he can certainly roll with that

so you pass the ball back and forth from different sides of the train station, taking care to be extra accurate with your aim so the ball won't drop into the deep gap between you two

this goes on for a while until it's Kageyama's turn to pass the ball back to you, but suddenly the loudspeakers come to life, screeching an announcement nobody cares about, and it startles our dear Tobio, making him give you a longer pass then he intended to

you move to reach the ball but you come short, and when your hands connect with the ball, it drops straight into the large gap where the trains move. the absolute worst place it could’ve have chosen to land honestly

man your ball sure is being a sneaky little shit today

Kags is just basically the embodiment of “oh shit”, feeling stupid for messing up, but it's kinda your fault too, because he wouldn't have been distracted if it weren't for that goddamn loudspeaker and the cute face you were making while concentrating buT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW

your frustrated expression just makes him feel worse and both of you are thinking the unspoken question of how the hell are you going to get the ball back from there

“sorry. the pass was too long.”

“nah, it's fine. i should've been able to get that.”

and suddenly you're dropping your gym bag to the floor and walking to the platform edge to straight up hop down to the train tracks and Kageyama is internally losing his shit because what the actual fuck do you think you're doing

he has to inch closer to the platform to even see you cause the gap is so deep it swallowed your entire figure

“oi, dumbass, what the hell are you doing?”

“paying dora the explorer, what do you think? this is my only ball; i'm not going to just let it be squashed.”

“well, hurry up.”

“would you relax? i'm fine. besides, the train isn't going to be here anytime soon--”

*hhoooooonnnnkkkkk*

turns out you should have listened to that announcement because it said that the train will be arriving early and oh would you look at that it's here

you're frozen on the spot, terrified, staring at the two bright headlights that are approaching way too fast for your comfort

then Kageyama's shouting and cursing and it suddenly clicks that you will die if you don't start moving now

you throw the ball out of the gap, scrambling towards the side to climb out but the pavement looks far more out of reach then you'd imagined

you try jumping to get ahold of the edge so you could pull yourself up, but it's no use, and you begin to panic, desperately clawing at concrete because the train is not slowing down

then Kageyama's face pops up from above, the same panic shining in his eyes as he reaches down to you as far as he possibly can and he's screaming at you to jump and grab his hand

you hear another honk and feel the ground shaking underneath you as the train rapidly approaches, and with one last strain of energy you jump as high as you can, grabbing onto Kageyama's hands as they lock around yours in a death grip

you're being pulled up, up, up; your legs climbing the sides, and with a final yank you land on top of Kageyama, the train zooming past you seconds later without even bothering to stop

your breathing is heavy as you hold onto Kageyama tightly, his strong arms still around you, both of you being too shocked to care about the compromising position you're both in as the train clears out

you manage to roll off Kageyama several minutes later, laying beside him as you try to calm down and think of cute kittens and puppies because holy shit you just almost died

it's quiet for a while, both of you strictly looking at the ceiling as you try to figure out what to say to the other after a disaster like that, but before you could think it through your running mouth just comes and ruins it

“i’m like 80% sure that train was supposed to take me home.”

“... what. the. fu-”

Kageyama is visibly shaking (from rage, you persume), his face furious as he's wildly pointing at you, shouting and rambling so fast you can only make out the words idiot and dumbass, which are what most of his speech consists of anyway

you can't get him to stop, so you hug him, making him immediately shut up and go rigid as he stares dumbfounded in front of him until you pull away

your knees are almost touching while you two sit on the floor face to face, but neither of you could bring yourself to care too much about the sudden closeness. a lot of shit has happened tonight

you can't help but laugh then, if only to break the tention, but it's clearly strained, and Kageyama sucks in breath to calm himself because one more of your aggravating, doesn’t-make-any-sense-at-all reactions and he’s going strangle you—

“i'm sorry, you're right. i shouldn't have done that. i am a dumbass.”

well fuck he wasn’t expecting that

it’s clear you were still shaken up, but kageyama never had the words to comfort someone, so like any other time, he went with the first thing that came to his mind

“well... yeah.” so fucking smooth tobio i cant even

it got a giggle out of you, so it wasn’t a complete disaster, but soon you became serious again, your piercing eyes never leaving Kageyama's as he stared back, unable to look away

“you saved my life back there, so, like, thanks a bunch.”

Kags just nods, stretching out his hand and introducing himself, you doing the same as the tense atmosphere slowly evaporates

“so, uh.. you up for more tosses, Kageyama?”

utterly lame joke, Kags is not amused whatsoever and flat out says no to that question for probably the first time ever which is a huge deal, you should've recorded it feeling that today was filled with more than enough practice

instead you two opted to go find your ball, again, passing the time with small conversations and comfortable silences, Kageyama waiting with you for your train to arrive, even though it meant he had to miss another one of his

and when you waved goodbye to each other, Kageyama had another tiny, microscopic smile on his face

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[tydy-the-megnet]

Let's Watch Captain Marvel

Alrighty. It's definitely late, but I finally got the DVD. So, I'm watching Captain Marvel.

I've decided to make this post about it, which I will write as I go, because I've seen a lot of discussion about the movie without actually hearing about what happens in it... so uh... yeah. Here are my thoughts as I think them:

Brie Larson looks good with long hair. Also, is Carol bleeding blue...? I want to know what that's about and if it's important

Movie is said to take place in the 90s. Space still already has flying cars. I guess Star Wars wasn't not accurate

Listen Sensei dude, if there is one thing I've learned from anime, emotions only make you stronger.

"You gave me these" *shakes fists* is that literal? Like did Mr Sensei really give her fists or is that referring to her powers...? I know nothing of Captain Marvel

He's talking about controlling impulses again. He clearly hasn't seen any anime

The Skrull are the shapeshifters yeah?

... amnesia...?

Now the supreme intelligence (god ai???) Is also talking about controlling her emotions. I still don't buy it.

Mission time. Digging the banter

"I laugh on the inside. I'm not doing that now."

Hm, not sure how I feel about the helmet thing

Hard light scuba gear? That's cool

I'm digging the kinda star wars vibe

Captain listen to your CO but also dont listen to him at all

Yeah the skrull are the shapeshifters everything makes sense now

Wait is her name Veers? Or is that what she's called just because she doesn't remember who she is?

AIR FORCE YEAH

GO KARTS YEAH

GO KART NO

More of this "too emotional" stuff?

Goose!

Digging the whole mental probe thing.

*Tries percussive maintain on a person*

"I dont know any Dr Larson"

So that had me confused bc I was like "Wasnt her name Danvers?" But Larson is the actress and I guess that's just a character????

Do I have the two backwards?

Skrull: *snarls*

Captain: *snarls back*

I like her

She fights like an anime character while everyone else is an 80s sci-fi movie

Get the boots!!!

And touchdown! Planet C-53! Locally known as Earth!

I guess Captain Marvel could be called a blockbuster hit in-universe and out huh?

I'm hilarious

Honey in basically in the space-boonies now you got no service here lol

This poor confused security guard lol

She called across the galaxy on a pay phone...? Yeah okay cool cool

"[C-53]'s a real shithole" yeah give it 30 years or so it gets worse

Okay why do people not like Captain Marvel?

She's like a mix of Tony, Thor, and Steve

Is that... Coulson? Young Coulson!?

YOUNG FURY!

I don't think that was young Coulson after all...

Or is it?

Idek

TRAIN FIGHT

Why are these bystanders trying to stop Veers(?) from fighting this obviously not normal old lady?

What kinda old lady can flip like that?

TRAIN FIGHT 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

oh it was Young Coulson!

Poor Coulson

Damn, Nick

*uses AltaVista*

So it's later 90s. Got it.

Lmao dial-up

I guess they're in california?

Lmao dial-up

Ah so this is the motorcycle scene I've heard about. Apparently they cut the part where she nearly breaks the guy's fingers? Disappointing.

The skrull aren't carbon-based life forms that's so cool!

Not on the periodic table...? Let's see, in the 90s... I guess stuff like rutherfordium and onward wouldn't be on there. Uh, maybe technetium? There might be a couple others but for the most part chemistry was advanced enough.

Unless it's something beyond like 118. Which is weird to think about but whatever I should stop thinking about it

Except elements like that would have to be in group 14 yeah?

Biology isnt exactly my forte but

Okay perhaps it's what we now know as flerovium?

The elements in the carbon group should react similarly enough to be the foundation of an entire life form

That's why silicon is used for synthetic stuff a lot right?

And tin

I'm getting off track the movie has been paused for a few minutes now

I'm just going to assume they are flerovium-based life forms

Oh shit they're in SHIELD

So Pegasus is a flight team, or an AF division, or....?

"I don't know if this guy is really human. I'd better ask a bunch of questions to which I don't know the answer."

A skrull could be saying random words and it would totally work

"If toast is cut diagonally I can't easy it."

Why the heck not??????

"That was a photon blast" is that what that is? Awesome

I want Peter to meet her. I think he'd have a new contender for favorite

"A skrull can't do that. " how is he supposed to know that?

Young and slightly less suspicious Fury??

"Noble warrior heroes"

J O S E P H

NASA and USAF. Sweet.

"State-of-the-art two-way pager"

Ah the old tape-and-fingerprint trick. Haven't seen that since the 90s--oh

GOOSE

Fury meeting Goose is the purest scene in marvel

"you sat there and watched me play with tape?" Lmao

"Shes kookoo" "Kree glyphs" ":O"

Veers was the pilot

I still don't know her sensei's name

"Excellent work, Nicholas" ":O"

LARSON WAS MAR-VELL!??!!!?!

(I know who Mar-Vell is!)

Okay okay okay

More of this "dont emotion" garbage. Listen Veers, DON'T listen

FURY FIGHT SCENE

COULSON NO

COULSON YES

"You know how to fly this thing?" "Uh" "it's a yes or no question"

GOOSE

They're going to LA

(Louisiana not Los Angeles)

Cool

Why do people not like this this is great!

She's got the worst part of Thor, but the best part of Tony and Steve!

RONIN!?!??!??!?!!?!??!?!?!??!??!:0!?!?!

AUNTIE CAROL?!?!?

(So it IS Carol Danvers. Which means Larson isn't her mother. Which makes since because she's actually Mar-Vell. Who's... well, not the mother.)

The Good Lady Ms. Captain Carol Marvel "I-Can-Boil-Tea-With-My-Bare-Hands-Which-Shoot-Lasers-Too" Danvers Ma'am

"You're jacket. Mom doesn't let me wear it anymore after I spilled ketchup on it."

I dont know this kid's name but I really really like her.

"Call me young lady again and I'll put my foot in a place it's not supposed to be."

... that one is more clever with context but whatever

"Am I supposed to guess where that is?" "Your ass"

Monika. That's the kid's name. She's great.

Ah, more ancient relics they call "tech" lol

FLY TIME

Do a barrel roll

She did a barrel roll!

"Your blood is uhhh blue" "yeah but how's my hair"

Ah, "Vers" bc they assumed that was her name. Interesting.

Also I want to get super power by blowing something up that's way cooler than being bitten by a stupid spider

Is she human? Is she not? I've no clue

The skrull are the good guys. Things are starting to make sense again.

... maybe I should've pushed to watch this before far from home.

... huh.

... is she human?

Okay so I'm still a little confused but I think I got it.

Though I won't say I dont want something else to blow up

"Those aren't coordinates they're orbital vectors." "It's basic physics." "Couldnt you figure that out? You're my science guy."

"I just think you should consider what kind of example you're setting for your daughter." That's it. That's the best line in the whole movie. Time to go.

Her suit can change colors on a whim!?!

That's awesome

I DIG THE NEW LOOK

I mean I saw it in Endgame but

"How do I look?" "Fresh" lmao 90s

RONIN NO

GOOSE YES

"What's a cat?" xD

"Why would I turn into a filing cabinet?"

Space lab. Cool.

Is that the tesseract??

THAT'S THE TESSERACT

She can pick it up!!

Does that mean she could've wielded the Infinity Gauntlet??????

Pinball lmao

968700!?!???!??!!?!!??!?!???!??!?!??!?!?!?

HOLY FLERKEN SHIP

GOOSE

YES CAROL

GET EMOTIONED

KICK HIS BUTT

GOOSE NOOOO

Those bastards

"Only human" HEY I RESENT THAT

THE FACT THAT YOUR HUMAN FILLS YOU WITH DETERMINATION

GOOD LADY MISS CAPTAIN CAROL MARVEL DANVERS MISS AWESOME MA'AM SENPAI SAMA

SHE'S A SUPER SAIYAN

PURE OF HEART AND AWAKENED BY FURY

(I'm still hilarious)

GOOSE DID THE THING

This is awesome why dont more people love it???

"Good kitty"

This very quickly went from Star Wars to Dragon Ball and I am loving it

She really is an anime character

Did she? Is that? Nerf gun?

Okay Carol isnt that much god mode there was just a nerd gun on the floor okay cool yeah sure

"Just like Havana" TALOS YOU BEAUTIFUL--

Remember how captain america jumped to the outside of a plane and fought through it? Yeah CM just did that in SPACE take that Steve

Still dont know how I feel about the helmet thing though

JUST LIKE BEGGAR'S CANYON BACK HOME

RONIN

Yeah, those are explosions

Ronin: O_O

Ronin: .... yeah bye

"I have nothing to prove to you."

HECK YEAH. GO CAROL. LASER HIS BUTT.

Fury lost his eye! GOOSE HE TRUSTED YOU

*thinks back to that moment in Winter Soldier*

"You were Solar and the SHIELD agent?" Omg Carol yes keep up

Fury SINGS?!?!

So like, are her powers just straight up energy manipulation? Because that's pretty cool. Really versatile, too

The way she started the engine makes it seem so

And then she just,,,,,, flies away. Into the night. Like stardust in the wind.

Dig the jacket, though

"The Protector Initiative"

It begins......

"Is it true? The Kree burned your eye out because you refused to give them the tesseract?" "I will neither confirm nor deny the facts of that story"

Lmao Fury

"CAPT CAROL "AVENGER" DANVERS"

"The Avenger Initiative"

It didnt actually show it but we know

Also, dig the music

Aaand now we see, 20ish years later, the snappening

"I wanna know who's on the other end of that thing"

First of all I love that they dont call it a pager because it's 2018 wtf is a pager amirite?

Second, I love how Carol is just there. Great reveal. 1007391861604016/10

"Where's Fury?" D:

Better question, where is Goose???

*one roll of credits later*

Oh! :D

Lmao the tesseract

God this movie is amazing