#listen i am NOT interested in getting into The Discourse

[goldensunset]

i cannot stand those quirky overly-friendly-to-the-point-of-crossing-boundaries teachers and professors who make you do icebreakers or fun facts about yourself at the beginning of the semester bc their questions are always the exact sort of stuff that you never wanna answer. but they just keep asking bc they think you’re just being shy and cute. ‘what are your hobbies? what kind of music do you like? what’s a topic very personal and important to you?’ MAN i am not subjecting myself to public humiliation like that for being very far removed from the norm nor am i opening up about my deep-seated personal problems. i don’t know you i don’t respect you you are not entitled to anything outside of my graded work. i’m just trying to prevent everybody in the room including you and i from becoming incredibly uncomfortable. just take the hint when i deflect your questions and pretend to be boring

[karomiiz]

it really be the people in your own race that piss you off the most

[romana-after-dark]

Dead Dove December 2023 Masterlist

Hello everyone!

So sorry it took forever to get this out, but it took me 5ever to read through these fics bc I was expresso depresso and working a lot LMFAOOOOOOO

Anyway, THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR EVERYONE ENTRIES!!! I adore you so so so so much. I am SO HAPPY with how this worked out and the amount of response! I hope to hold another event this March with @for-a-longlongtime at @triplefrontier-anniversary for the TF anniversary over at my main account @romanarose, and an event in June for pride, so if those interest you, follow my main page or this one, or @romana-updates

NOTE: I was unorganized so if I forgot someone's fic, IT WAS NOT ON PURPOSE. I know right now there discourse right now the Pedro fandom specifically, about different people not liking others or small writers or big writers ETC, but I want you to know no one was left out on purpose!

Note 2: If I put your fic here but forgot to reblog LET ME KNOW! I want to make sure everyone gets a chance to shine.

Without further ado, the fics and art!

ALL OF THESE ARE DARK SO SOME DEGREE FROM CNC, DUB CON, TO VIOLENT NON CON! HEAD WARNINGS!

The Last of Us

The Burglary by @aurorawritestoescape and @milla-frenchy: Two men break into your house and take more than just your valuables.

Fight Club by @anama-cara : Post outbreak set in the Boston QZ. You decide to go against Joel in an underground QZ fight club for some extra coin. Joel doesn't take kindly to the competition and decides to punish you in his own special way.

Deja Vu by @milla-frenchy : After a bad experience with a former boyfriend, you meet Joel who makes you trust him fully in the bedroom

Silent Night by @kewwrites : Despite the way he always acted around you, you find it hard to say no to Sarah when she invites you home to her dad's house for the holidays. Surely nothing would happen while she's with you.

Training Day by @koshkamartell : Set in AU, no outbreak. You get more than you bargained for after trying to make Joel jealous.

Code Broken by @auteurdelabre : You only wanted to pull a silly prank on your neighbor, Joel. Who could have seen it ending up like this?

The Art of Breaking by @corazondebeskar-reads : Your meeting is happenstance, but everything that follows? Well, that’s all Joel. He just knows you’re going to be his perfect little toy. He just has to show you how.

Cry Harder by @romana-after-dark : While keeping you captive, Joel's sex drive is insatiable, and the sex seemed to be never ending. You tried to warm him you needed to use the bathroom... he didn't listen.

Nightmare Before Christmas by @katiexpunk : As an escort, you’ve found yourself in some pretty fucked up situations before. Years of experience have taught you to navigate such situations with a combination of tact and assertiveness. Most of the time the men who exude an air of sleaze shrivel back into the corner, embarrassed and limp dicked.  Most of the time.  Tonight is not one of those times.

Locket by @toxicanonymity : Dark!Reader dugs her friends hot dad Joel

Run, Rabbit by @justagalwhowrites : It was just over a year after the world ended that you were captured by Joel and Tommy Miller. They're harsh, they're cold and they're killers. But, as a nurse, you're a valuable person to have around and they're not the worst thing wandering the wasteland that was the United States. And there might be more to these men than meets the eye.

Godless by @javier-penas-wifexx420 : You work at a brothel that operates above a saloon in your town. Joel is the leader of a group of outlaws that come periodically to collect payment and wreak havoc. One visit, you catch Joel’s eye and he decides he has to have you.

Across the Spiderverse

After Dark by @runa-falls : He wants you. and he knows you need him.

Triple Frontier

Deep Seeded Issues by @djarinmuse: Summary: At an N.A (narcotics anonymous) meeting you recall a dark and embarrassing memory, not knowing the connection in the room.

My Blood Would Teach Me How to Love by @winniethewife : Santi finds you self harming, blood kink ensues.

Room's on Fire by @romana-after-dark : Cult AU, Pope, Frankie, Will and Ben are cult leaders and need a virgin to breed who will birth the savior: the Madonna. Initially honored to find redemption, the Madonna has to learn how to navigate all four men and a circle of other people at the house.

Goodnight, Princess by @melodygatesauthor : Your dad's best friend accidentally discovers that you're a sex worker. He tries to let it go, but it eats away at him until things go way too far.

The Card Counter

Bad Bet by @boredzillenial and art by @lunar-ghoulie4art : William beats you in a poker tournament, but you just can’t accept defeat, not yet…

Getting Whats Mine by @winniethewife

Lightening Face

Puppy by @darkuselesssomebody : In which the reader is a manipulative bitch - and basil snaps because of it

Mojave

Cruel Intentions by @hon3yboy : You're on a soul seeking journey, just another young, pretty, thing. All alone and stranded in the desert, ripe for the picking and ol' Jack has his eyes set on you.

Moon Kight

Death to Dignity by @juneknight : An intruder (Marc) breaks in to your apartment.

*************

I cannot thank you enough for your support and interaction for htis series!!!!! I had SUCH a good time reading all these, you are all so talented!!!

I hope to do more events soon as it's really helped me make some friends and get to know people here!!!!

Please remember to reblog these authors, and if you're tagged here, be sure to check out more! Lots of great content here!

[s-sputnik-k]

So I just saw a post saying that Wrecker listens to metal but doesn't know what it is (think Star Trek Jaylah's "I like the beats and shouting!"), meanwhile Hunter listens to metal but DOES know what it is. And I, a heavy music enthusiast, just HAD to expand on this

Wrecker listens to thrash metal, it's big and loud and sounds like explosions. He also likes Viking metal and folk metal (I can imagine him loudly chanting along to "DIGGY DIGGY HOLE! DIGGY DIGGY HOLE! I AM A DWARF AND IM DIGGING A HOLE!" with Omega giggling on his shoulders). But he doesn't only like metal, it's just one of many things he finds fun and exciting

Hunter, on the other hand, is into alt rock and a bit of metalcore and deathcore. He has a deep understanding of harsh vocals and can probably do some of it himself (he would be FASCINATED by the types of screams that impersonate animals, like pigsqueals and growls), he has a lot of strong opinions but prefers to just go to the woods and scream than to participate in fanbase discourse

Tech is a math rock and prog metal nerd. He would listen to jazz, but he got kicked out of all the local jazz bars for commentating the music too loudly ("Interesting polyrhythm, though I don't believe it adds to the composition so much as subtract from the previous syncopation- Ah! Genius use of the chromatic scale! In fact-" *gets decked*)

Crosshair is a post-punk gatekeeper and hates people who wear joy division shirts without knowing the band. He (obviously) had an emo phase in his teens and instead of growing out of it he just moved on to gothic rock. He sticks to his subculture and, like him, feels it is deeply misunderstood

Echo is into 80s pop and rock because its REAL music that makes you MOVE and BRINGS PEOPLE TOGETHER, he says as he turns everyone else's competing radios down. But secretly, just maybe his preference is partially because it reminds him of belting out classics with domino squad when they had access to radio for the first time on rishi...

Omega, of course, loves all of it. Oh, but she's also a K-pop stan. Also, Hunter managed to get her into Babymetal some time ago and is starting to regret it because she is certified OBSESSED

[juiceboxgoat]

okay yall i don’t even have the book of bill and I was much too young for the first cipherhunt —yet the discourse is getting to me (and this could be a total reach) but I MAY have found something to consider:

Okay so we pretty much know that this is in reference to Shawn Mullin’s song “Lullabye,” so out of curiosity I checked out the song and didn’t really find much in it that stuck out to me. Then I decided to look at the album as a whole and I noticed something…interesting

See that song there in green? TWIN rocks? Oregon?? Hmmmmmm

Anyway I gave the song a listen and…..that’s where I’m at now. Like I said I’m no decoder and I am definitely missing out on some of the lore…but cmon…CMON. Could this be a lead? This just feels SO Gravity Falls coded and I know I’m reading into things but THATS THE POINT RIGHT??

Anyway would love to know if anyone else looked into this. Maybe there’s discourse on Reddit or Discord but idk. I know some of yall out here reading TGG in full so anyone wanna take a crack at analyzing this album with me?? Anyway that’s my addition to this discussion (for now…maybe I’ll be buying The Book soon)

Much love to my fellow gravity falls fans 💛💛💛

[foone]

Alright, listen up:

We need to stop with the anti-rooting attitude for brainpals, alright? You're just doing mnemonocorps job for them. Cut out the discourse about people with modded brainpals, for TF's sake.

(scifi worldbuilding by way of fictional Tumblr discourse under the cut)

There's tons of valid reasons for by people would hack their brainpals! Testing new memory/skills without paying for a dev kit, piracy of skills (and do not @ me with that "but you're stealing from the original skill creator!" bullshit. All the legit skills on the market now are from people who did work for hire by mnemonocorps, and THEY ALREADY WERE PAID. It's only mnemonocorps that is losing money!), home ptsd/cptsd/jptsd treatment, the list is endless.

And before you jump into the comments, YES I KNOW PEOPLE DO SEXUAL MEMORY PLAY. People do every kind of weird shit, name me a technology that no one has used for sex in some way? Hell, the first topless photo was taken within a week of the invention of the daguerreotype. But we need to be adults here, okay? These things can be simultaneously true:

1. People do memory play

2. No kids have memorypals

3. The vast major of memory play is NOT VP.

Mnemonocorps has done a lot of work to try to keep people from using brainpals for memory pal, with their artificial limits on how much you can block at once, but that's fundamentally an over reaction to the negative press from the whole VP scandal. The news loves a juicy story like "people are using a new technology for weird sex shit" because their readers/viewers are always interested in Weird Sex Shit, either because "ooh, sexy!" or "BAN THIS FILTH" reactions.

And like all big companies, the last thing mnemonocorps wants is a new law aimed specifically at regulating them! So they stuck a bunch more restrictions on brainpals so they could say they have taken steps to prevent VP.

Now, I need you to listen to me before I say this: I am NOT saying I condone VP, alright? I'm not going like "oh but no one is hurt, everyone is (technically) adults, it's basically roleplay"? This is not an excuse for VP, alright?

Memory play is not just VP, and it's deeply insulting to everyone who engages in memory play to conflate the two!

The reasons people would do memory play are many and varied, as are the things that people do with memory play. And I think people are extra quick to jump on the "memory play is bad" bandwagon not just because of the spectre of VP, but because it's all "eww, kinky sex things".

And yes, I'm not going to try to sugarcoat memory play, alright? There's a lot of weird stuff going on there, and it definitely isn't for everyone. But the thing y'all need to keep in mind is that it's between consensual adults and they (usually*) know what they're doing, okay?

It's safe and mind healthy and consensual. (yes I know these are the same arguments the veepers use to definite VP but I'm not talking about VP here, damn it!).

People can do CNC play with mblocks. People can do roleplay with temporary personality patches, either because they're too awkward/shy/whatever to have sex or because they (or their partners) want to do some vcheating. All these are perfectly safe if done correctly and don't hurt anyone. Especially not you, who aren't even involved in their memory play!

And I promise the slippery slope argument is bullshit: even if people use mblocks to age regress, that doesn't make it VP, alright? There's plenty of people (especially us elderly trans who missed out on a gender-correct early adulthood. (I wasn't able to get genespliced until I was nearly 60!). If I want to experience how my 25-year-old self would have had sex as a girl, that's my own god damn business! And it's not VP and it hurts no one. And all these non-vp uses of memory play are completely blocked by the stock brainpal software, because of their heavy handed approach to trying to prevent VP.

But with this whole stigma against hacking brainpals means that if I ever even mention I've got mine modded, people immediately start side-eying me because they think the only reason anyone would want to hack their brainpal is VP.

No! Piracy of skills and mblocks and yes, memory play. Which isn't entirely VP, even if it keeps getting tarred with that brush.

The piracy argument you'd think would be an easier one to make. I know half of you have all the PS6 ROMs downloaded onto your tangles. How are you gonna steal half the video games on the iarchive and then turn around and say it's wrong to download fluent-Japanese or woodworking to your brainpal? Come on.

Basically my whole point is that mnemonocorps has done a great job convincing the general public to associate illicit (by their rules) brainpal use with VP, and it's solely because they know the average person (rightly, I would add) thinks VP is abhorrent. They're using that disgust to turn the general opinion against the idea of brainpal modding.

And look, look me in my eye, do you really think mnemonocorps is doing this because they genuinely think VP is bad and want the public to help them stop it by shunning people who hack their brainpals? Or is it, just maybe, because they don't want to lose trillions of n$ on skill piracy? And they're just using VP as an excuse?

It's like, come on gals. No one ever went broke assuming companies are acting out of the most basic capitalistic greed, because THEY ALWAYS ARE.

And don't get me started on the people clitriding mnemonocorps for inventing the brainpal in the first place. Look, we all love the brainpal, yes, but it's not like you owe them endless loyalty over it, okay? They can and have done wrong in the past. Accept that you can love the work and hate the company trying to control it.

(it's like: is Thomas Chellae an abusive asshole who should not be out of crimrehab? Yes of course, no question. Is Shadowed Skies the best album of the last 30 years? Also yes! It can be both! Bad people can make good things)

Anyway: end of the day, stop bringing up VP every time anything involving brainpal modding comes up. Don't judge people for modding their brainpals.

(especially since half the problem people have with memory play isn't VP, it's just y'all being antisex. Which is bullshit given how many people subscribe to those "expert oral sex" skills! You're using your brainpal to have better sex, then turning around and going "but I'd never use it for WEIRD sex!". Grow TF the fuck up!)

Also, just because I know someone would bring it up, the whole mind control thing is A MYTH. There have never been any legitimate cases of people getting hacked through their brainpals, hacked or not, okay? I mean, who knows what the nsa or uhsa can do, but no one has ever been able to demonstrate a remote hack on a brainpal. Anyone being "mind controlled" through their brainpal did it to themselves, either with a ppatch or intentionally routing their admin to someone else. "you'll get hacked and turned into a bpZombie!" is a bullshit reason to be against brainpal hacking: it simply does not happen. I used to be a rengineer, I've looked into the brainpal security: it's well done!

* Yeah, Adrian Reach was a tragic case, but it was definitely a million-to-one case. Make your backups, run the ccheck, and don't try to mblock your whole damn life on a failing bp! You'll be fine.

EDIT: I forgot to elaborate on the "no kids have brainpals" thing: yes, I know there are some kids who do have them, BUT they're not the same as regular brainpal installs. They're only done in some extreme cases of mental distress (like survivors of the cWar) and they're locked down. Only their doctor can adjust them, it's not like regular consumer brainpals where you can just fiddle with the settings themselves. So all this memory play stuff we're talking about is only between adults. REAL adults, alright? Even when people are doing VP, everyone involved is of age.

[freefromthecocoon]

206 script questions

I am making an effort to be positive, but I also know there is some discourse here about script pages that have leaked from 206. I have received a couple of asks in the past couple of days about "not getting canon." So, I will try to address all of that here. Spoilers are going to be openly discussed so look away if you don't want to be spoiled.

First of all, yes, I have read the script pages in question. I know that those pages have been around for a few months and that they were being protected to keep the source safe. Admittedly, I did not read the pages until they were recently published on this site. So let me start by saying that in the spoiler game, anomynity is a BIG DEAL. We cannot risk spoiler sources as it can affect their employment. So I would ask that in the future, please take that into consideration if you come across spoiler info.

Now, onto my thoughts on the script. I have long thought that for Daryl and Carol to progress romantically, that each of them will have to heal from their traumas to move forward. In the small amount of information we read, it seems that both Daryl and Carol are being allowed to heal from their individual traumatic journeys. Carol's trauma being losing her children and Daryl's trauma is not being able to save everybody also known as his hero complex. It seems that Daryl has lumped Isabelle in with people he wasn't able to save, so it appears that she has died at some point in the second season. My point is, Daryl and Carol are both HEALING and that is a good thing.

I will add here that we have not seen the entire script only 5 pages and that is probably about 5 minutes of the episode. We do not know the context of where in the episode it takes place, even with the dialogue of "Let's go home." There could be more scenes after this one. I have said this before and I will say it again, "CONTEXT IS EVERYTHING!" So I will judge based on my own viewing and not from anyone else's interpretation. I am not advising you to take my word for it, but to watch for yourselves and make your own judgement.

Now about the "not getting canon" questions. I am not understanding what in those script pages make people think that we will not be getting canon. I was asked by one person if I would be okay not getting canon. Let me say this...I definitely think romantic canon will happen, if not in Season 2, but definitely in Season 3. That being said....I trust Norman Reedus and I trust Melissa McBride. They are both EPs on THEIR spinoff. They both seem to trust David Zabel, especially Melissa as she has said this in several interviews and press releases now. The section of fans who have stated that they have Melissa's best interests at heart, do not seem to be listening to Melissa when she has repeatedly said, she is excited about the direction of the storytelling. Now, Norman and Melissa have a certain amount of creative control. Let me repeat... I DO want romantic canon for Daryl and Carol. I will be disappointed if romantic canon is not what Melissa and Norman want, but I will definitely respect the wishes of Norman and more specifically Melissa. I would expect that all fans will respect Melissa's wishes if it turns out that romantic canon is not what she wants.

I do think we are GOLDEN for full blown romantic canon though. So Caryl on EVERYBODY! The best is yet to come!

[thowawayuntilfurthernotice]

So a Helluva Boss fan blog responded to one of my critical posts regarding the show and unlike other fan responses I’ve gotten in the past year, this one was interesting. 

Not in that it managed to change my opinion about the show’s writing or Viv, but with how long winded it was. Seriously, it was the length of an average YouTube essay script. And while I was skimming through it, I began to wonder “Why is this fandom so defensive?”

Fans arguing about media online isn’t anything new, most fandoms these days are riddled with infighting, shipping discourse and pro shippers vs antis drama. But Viv’s fanbase is different in that they will go above and beyond when it comes to defending the show against criticism. 

I’m often labeled a “Viv anti” by her fans because I’m critical of her and her shows, which is hilarious given that outside of this blog, I rarely (if ever) discuss Viv or her shows. But because I’m critical of Viv and her shows, I’m labeled an “anti” by her fans. 

Now yes, I am aware that the reason why Viv’s fans see all criticism as negative is because Viv herself is incapable of accepting any criticism, but this fandom isn’t just satisfied with telling you that you’re wrong about their favorite show, they’re trying to convince you that Viv’s shows are works of genuine art that cannot be criticized. 

Look, I get people being passionate about the stuff that they like and I totally get criticizing genuine bad takes regarding media, but when you’re sending me an entire essay all because I criticized a dumb demon cartoon, then I’m going to start to question what made you this defensive to begin with. 

And I’m saying all this as someone who likes a lot of universally despised media. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I still watch Rick and Morty. But I never felt the need to defend any of the stuff I like from online criticism because nine times out of ten, said criticism doesn’t ruin my enjoyment of the thing that I like. 

Hell, I’m even critical of the stuff that I like. Criticism isn’t this evil thing that needs to be extinguished whenever it rears its ugly head, it’s just a part of life. 

Nobody likes dealing with criticism or getting criticized, but it’s something we all have to learn to deal with sooner or later. And here’s the thing, I’m not criticizing Viv or her shows in the vain attempt that she might listen to said criticism, it’s clear that she’s incapable of handling criticism. I criticize Viv because it’s legitimately shocking how much stuff people let her get away with. 

If any other creator acted the way she did or did the same things she did, the entire internet would collectively clutch their pearls in real time. But because it’s Viv, people just look the other way. 

Viv’s fanbase is so obsessed with maintaining the “indie darling” narrative that they’re letting Viv get away with so much egregious shit. 

[system-of-a-feather]

Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

[powluna]

Hello, I absolutely adore the clothing you make for children, infants, toddlers, they are so cute!

However, I am aware of the fact that you do post your CC on Curseforge in addition to your own website and Patreon and given that the company that owns Curseforge, is them is an Israeli company that did a crowdfunding campaign for the IDF which supports the ongoing genocide against Palestinians, I want to ask if you could remove your downloads from Curseforge entirely. I hope this doesn't come off as demanding or aggressive in any way, but by divesting from Curseforge, we also divest from Israel's economy completely and perhaps it seems small in comparison, but it would be a small way to show support for Palestine. Thank you for listening, and again, I hope I don't come off as impolite in any way.

Hello to anon and everyone who might have been waiting for a response from me. I want to thank you for treating me with respect and that I have not (yet) received any threatening messages or similar. It is very difficult for me to write the following message in my native language, let alone post a translated version of it. Everything I write here comes from the heart and merely describes my personal situation.

First of all, I want to express that I, personally, and my internet persona "PowLuna" in no way stand for oppression, violence, exclusion, or worse. The situation has certainly not passed me by—quite the opposite. The discourse on the topic has caused me to engage deeply with the subject, keep myself regularly updated, and talk a lot about it in my personal environment, educating others. Due to experiences I had as a teenager, I no longer express my opinions regarding a lot of topics on the internet. However, I must do so now because it is very important to me and it currently affects my daily life significantly in terms of depression and existential fears.

I want to express my sorrow for all the suffering that people in Gaza and all Palastinians endure daily. The things one encounters on the internet are cruel and heartbreaking, and denying that something terrible is happening there is wrong. I feel the same about all atrocities happening anywhere in the world, whether far away or in my neighborhood. I hope every day for peace throughout the world. A utopian wish, I know.

Now to what might be controversial: I will not participate in the boycott against CurseForge. At least not as far as requested. I no longer actively promote the links for it; that was a kind of compromise I could make. You can judge me for this or not. But let me first describe my situation. I believe that pressuring individual small creators is not the right way in this situation, as you can never guess who is behind the internet personas and what stories they carry with them.

I come from a family that has always lived in poverty. After finishing school and completing an apprenticeship, I thought about studying so that I could do more with my potential. I moved away for my studies and had to stand completely on my own feet. I had saved a little money. For the rest of the support and because a part-time job would have hindered my ability to perform well, I applied for financial aid from the state. This is possible here in Germany. I can keep half of the money, and the other half I have to pay back after my studies. All well and good. While studying, I found a great interest in creating custom content and sharing it with others. I taught myself more and more skills and gradually shared them with others because I really enjoy to help people.

In 2022, I decided to make money with what I do. So, I had to register a business. That's mandatory here. I started with Patreon, where I gathered some subscribers who believed in my potential from the start, for which I am very grateful. I always appeal to the good in people, worked "hard," uploaded more and more stuff to convince people, and get more voluntary subscribers. This didn’t work out as expected. So, I switched to an early access model, which actually brought more subscribers, but I wasn't really happy with it, so I moved away from it a few months later. I lost more and more subs over time, while still giving the same effort as before.

Shortly after, I was invited to the CurseForge project, to which I confidently agreed because I already knew CurseForge and saw a lot of potential for the Sims area. I also find the platform really good and many changes I wished for were implemented. And yes, CurseForge has given me a steady income since then, sometimes more, sometimes less, but still far from what I made with voluntary subscribers on Patreon. I felt really proud because I suddenly earned good money with something I am passionate about. And I did it all by myself!

But this income brought new obligations: I have to pay taxes. Additionally, I no longer receive financial support from the state and won't be able to get it again.

The whole discourse has shown me that self-employment always carries a risk when you rely on a platform, so I switched back to the Patreon early access model for more security. However, I still can't live off that alone. Therefore, I continue to host my creations on CurseForge. Considering their statement from a few months ago and because I believe in the good in people, I don't see a problem with it. Of course, the economic aspect plays a role, but I am also not "clean" when I pay my taxes here in Germany, which are then used for the same purpose.

To demand that I delete all my stuff means taking away my livelihood and existence. I don't think that's fair. And yes, I know this is privileged, and my fears are not comparable to the fears of people in Gaza. Never.

All this does not mean that I am indifferent. As I said, I talk to other people about the topic, I inform myself, and as soon as I am able and have saved some money, I want to support the children in the region with donations. This has always been my approach to conflicts and crises around the world.

It is important to keep talking about the topic so that hopefully, one day, it will reach the people who can put an end to the horror.

Thank you for reading. If anything is unclear, please feel free to ask.

PowLuna

[saintsenara]

what are ur thoughts on all the young dudes man i gotta know

i've never read it, and i can't really see any situation in which i will. not only am i wolfstar-ambivalent, i'm also wizards-knowing-loads-about-muggle-pop-culture-ambivalent - so i'm very much not the target audience.

[although i'm not "what's going on in the 1970s"-ambivalent by any means, so there's that.]

but i suspect anyone who reads this blog regularly knew that - and so i also suspect [even though i wouldn't dare to assume this of you and your intentions in asking this, anon] that it might be presumed that i'm going to pop off about several of the phenomena all the young dudes has set into motion...

and sure, the contemporary marauders subfandom is not a space i'm interested in spending any time in - which is why i don't - but i think it's nonetheless worth saying something in defence of it.

all the young dudes deserves more credit than i think it gets in the fandom more widely - especially in those bits of the fandom which are more interested in canon compliance and canon coherence - for being a genuine pop-culture phenomenon. all corners of the fandom have benefitted from this - i guarantee that huge numbers of people who have returned to the harry potter fandom since 2020 have done so because they've read it [or, at the very least, heard of it], and i also guarantee that many of those people have gone on to make a home for themselves in spaces which seem to have very little in common with the marauders subfandom [such as canon-compliant jily or pro-snape spaces]. many of the things it does - especially the integration of muggle pop-culture into its worldbuilding - have clearly influenced how plenty of authors approach their own work, even if that work is otherwise removed from it in vibe. and its aesthetic is all over the non-fic aspects of fandom too - every "canon-compliant" moodboard or edit or playlist i've ever seen would fit well into the atyd universe. i think it doesn't hurt to acknowledge its influence - it doesn't mean that an author can't disagree with its approach.

[or: my view on all the young dudes is very similar to my view on taylor swift. i've never listened to a single one of her albums, i'm not sure i could name more than about five of her songs - and i don't think the five i can name are any good, i sometimes see flashes of the inter-swiftie discourse and it's like reading a text in a language i can only half speak - but i would be a fool to dismiss her broader pop-culture influence, including on musicians i do follow more closely, or the fact that the fandom which surrounds her is both sincerely interesting, not least from an anthropological perspective, and something in which people i like and respect participate.]

i also don't think the divisions between the marauders subfandom and other spaces are as clear-cut as is often made out. and i think that all the young dudes often gets used as a stick with which to beat this point - particularly because people in the marauders subfandom are frequently accused of not having read the books, and elevating atyd's interpretation of characters [especially sirius and remus] and events over the seven-book series.

that the subfandom elevates fanon and headcanon over canon is a legitimate point. but i think we should all get a fucking grip and recognise that this can disinterest us - or even annoy us - and still not be something any of us should think is that deep.

after all, like anyone, i've encountered people in fandom who write unrecognisable versions of characters, are completely resistant to the idea that their interpretation isn't correct, and believe that it's evidence of deep-seated prejudice to pair their faves with different people... and every single one is someone who believes that their approach is meticulously canon-compliant.

or - as the old adage goes - "people who live in glass subfandoms shouldn't throw stones at roadman remus".

[vaspider]

To be fair I may be wrong considering how biases in med science leads to correlative data, but from what I have seen, being overweight leads to health issues? I remember being back in high school being taught that having more fat equated to heart strain, since more blood needed to be moved throughout the body within the same time frame than for a person of expected weight

And more recently when I went looking for research papers on being overweight and the associated heart issues (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6179812/#:~:text=The%20increased%20cardiac%20output%20in,an%20increase%20in%20stroke%20volume.)

From your post, yea definitely fat phobia in medical spaces is a horrifying thing, and probably led to many of these ‘get fat and you’ll have this health condition’ ideas circulating

Though I was curious if you think being fat within a certain ‘range’ has no negative health impacts? (Genuinely contused and curious)

Seriously, I'm not going to get into this discourse or provide you with an exhaustive explanation of how medical bias affects research and the interpretation of results when so many people out there have already done the work, and I linked to books you can read and pointed towards a podcast you can listen to already.

But, since you ignored those things and came into my inbox 'just asking questions,' you can start here:

Or maybe you can look at @fatphobiabusters or @fatliberation, or @fatsexybitch, who have already done a lot of work on this.

I am genuinely not interested in this conversation.

[dix0nvix3n]

➳જ⁀➴ 𝕯𝖆𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗'𝖘 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖌 ⟡ [𝔏𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝔘𝔭𝔡𝔞𝔱𝔢𝔡: 7/25/24]

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔩 ℑ𝔫𝔣𝔬:

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'd rather not reveal my real name here so please call me Dagger.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm genderfluid and my pronouns are they/he/she.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm 22.

𓆩⚝𓆪 Even though I'm genderfluid anything I write the reader will always use she/her pronouns but potentially I may be able to write for a gender-neutral reader.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm a big time rambler/yapper so please dm me any time you wanna talk! (Please know that I'll often forget to respond or go through periods of time I can't talk though.)

𓆩⚝𓆪 I'm autistic and have an ADHD riddled mess of a brain which is the core factor of why I write so slow along with me being new to writing and not grasping it easily so please be patient with me. Trust that I have several wips at all times that I can never finish.

𓆩⚝𓆪 Another part of being neurodivergent makes it so that I have a harder time interacting with people here. I often don't reblog and sometimes I won't even like a post because I feel like I'm bothering the person who made the post somehow. My brain isn't very nice to me. I'm trying to get past this but it's hard.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I currently only write for Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead and Scud Frohmeyer from Blade 2 but I hope to write for other characters Norman has played some day.

𓆩⚝𓆪 My fics will always come with a warning description of some kind and if l ever miss something you think should be in the warning, please let me know!

𓆩⚝𓆪 I post edits @ daryldixonvixen on tiktok, if you're also an editor please tell me and I'll follow you!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ 𝔉𝔲𝔫 𝔉𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔰:

𓆩⚝𓆪 My favorite TWDverse ship isn’t even from TWD, it’s actually John and June from Fear The Walking Dead and my favorite Non Canon TWD ship is RosiTara. I don’t ship Daryl with anyone probably cause of how attatched I am to him so don't expect to see any ship posts. (Your ship opinions are valid though so don't come bringing ship discourse to my page. I hate Bethyl though and if I see you supporting the ship it's an instant block from me.)

𓆩⚝𓆪 I have 10 piercings. Septum, right eyebrow, a daith, a conch, a bridge, four helixes, and a left nostril.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I first watched The Walking Dead at a themed birthday party for it when I was in 7th grade when I was 13, we watched the whole first season and I wanted to continue watching once I got home but I couldn't find any way to watch it so I didn't end up watching again until December of 2022 when I was 20. The only things I could remember from when I first started watching were Glenn and the horse dying lmao. The show forever changed me and has become a major source of comfort for me and became my special interest, I'm just so mad it took me so long to watch more of the show.

𓆩⚝𓆪 I don't understand zodiacs too much but I'm a Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, and a Capricorn Rising.

𓆩⚝𓆪 My current hair style was inspired by Scud since I loved his hair so much!

𓆩⚝𓆪 How Daryl would help you on your period

𓆩⚝𓆪 Trimming Daryl's hair blurb

𓆩⚝𓆪 Convincing Daryl to wear reading glasses to help with his squinting

𓆩⚝𓆪 Music Daryl Dixon would listen to but it's accurate spotify playlist

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl running from the cops from a house party blurb/ inspired by Killing In The Name by Rage Against The Machine

𓆩⚝𓆪 Murphy Macmanus speaking multiple languages when dirty talking to you

𓆩⚝𓆪 Piercings that Scud would look good with ramble

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl with a reader who has multiple piercings

𓆩⚝𓆪 My Travis chai bot

𓆩⚝𓆪 The Summer of 1992 and What Came Before and After (Will be putting a link to a new masterlist for the series here instead at some point.)

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl and Norman Lightroom edits 1

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl and Norman Lightroom edits 2

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl, Sandman edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Daryl, Blue Monday edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Murphy, Carnival edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Scud, Can't Get You out of My Head edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 Multiple Norman characters, Hotel Motel edit

𓆩⚝𓆪 To see any of my various shitposts go into my search under the tag ;daggershitposts📣

𓆩⚝𓆪 And here's a Daryl and me face reveal moodboard. This is probably the only place here on my account where I'll show my face. This really shows why I wrote the reader from The Summer Of 1992 and What Came Before and After as alternative cause I myself am alternative!

[beevean]

Anyway I think I should watch Hazbin Hotel in Italian because I listened to some of the songs and holy shit what is this level of dubbing and adaptation???????? like?? it's actually really damn good???????? bro i am shook

I thought to translate some parts of my fave songs that made me go 👀 the most lol

(the videos have English subs up to Hell's Greatest Dad if you're interested)

Veleno (Poison)

Questa è la vita che mi piace Un altro amante e tante telecamere E l’illusione di scegliere

Translation:

This is the life I like Another lover and so many cameras And the illusion of choice

The last verse coupled with the visual of the actors hits much harder, IMO. I also like how we already start with Angel's denial that no, really, he loves this life!

Tu sei il mio veleno Dammi il tuo veleno Non posso farne a meno Mi scivola in gola e va giù Veleno, ne sono pieno Anche questa notte per me forse è l’ultima

Translation:

You are my poison Give me your poison I can't give up on it It goes down my throat Poison, I'm full of it This night as well might be the last one for me

In English, Angel is just saying that Valentino feeds him poison and he's addicted to it. In Italian, he's outright asking for it. Also, Angel is afraid every night that he might die for the abuse?????

Mentire è il mio mestiere So sempre quando quel che dico ti piacerà Rinuncio alla mia identità

E l’orgoglio che io ho Fino infondo ingoierò

Translation:

Lying is my job I always know when you'll like what I say I renounce to my identity

And I will swallow My own pride

It's one thing to get good at lying, and another to do it for a living.

Also I prefer the bridge in this version to the English one. We know he's swallowing poison by this point. It's more poignant to add that he's also swallowing his own pride and dignity.

(related to this, during his breakdown with Husk in the hotel, I adore that they translated "Do you know how much I'm worth?" with "Ma lo sai quanto costo?". To be worth in English could also refer to his general status, but in Italian, it can only be intended as his price as a prostitute. Man.)

Muoio, è troppo il veleno Anche se tu mi riempi non sono pieno Del veleno, così mi avveleno Questa notte spero soltanto che sia l’ultima

Translation:

I'm dying, the poison is too much Even if you fill me up I'm not full Of poison, I'm going to get poisoned I only wish this night will be my last one

... do I need to say anything? :( Riccardo Suarez is just. man. He's the perfect counterpart to Blake Roman.

Not much to point out about Fai Schifo, Baby, except that Husk says "Baby, I like you this way" and Angel Dust calls him "love" :) a bit more seriously, "fare schifo" sounds much harsher to me than "you suck", which would be the closer translation - it more literally means "to be disgusting". I really hope the Italian fandom is not as discourse-happy as the English one :^)

(also "passivello da bordello" cracks me up just as much as "power bottom at rock bottom" dhsjfhsdk it literally means "a little bottom from a brothel" but it sounds good 😭)

Il Papà Migliore Dell'Inferno (Hell's Greatest Dad)

Lucifer calls Alastor "sguattero" which is a pretty dispregiative word for "busboy" lmao, more like "scullion".

Chi è che da sempre c'è? Chi da sempre ha fede in te? Chi trasforma tutto in cabaret? L'assistente alla regia? Proprio io, il demone Che ha dato il nome all'Hazbin Hotel Inoltre ti ho sturato la toilette Proprio oggi, grazie tante

Translation:

Who has always been here? Who has always believed in you? Who turns everything into a cabaret? The assistant director? That's right, it's me, the demon Who named the Hazbin Hotel Also I unclogged your toilet Just today, thank you so much

Very interesting that now Alastor's nun cosplay directly refers to his faith in Charlie, and not just his loyalty to the hotel :)

Also nice touch that he once again gives himself credit for the name of the hotel lol, he really hated that Lucifer didn't like it

And personally I love the effect of his voice - it's different from the og dub, and it reminds me of the earliest Disney movies Italian dubs, it's nostalgic <3

Quindi Non Sai (You Didn't Know)

Tutto qui, Sera? Charlie, non esagerare No! Vuoi di più, Sera? Non vedi che un demone può amare? Se è così salvate un'anima Che altrimenti sempre brucerà

Translation:

Is that all, Sera? Charlie, don't go overboard No! Do you want more, Sera? Don't you see that a demon can love? If that's so save a soul That otherwise will burn forever

I just like a lot more how this comes across :) it's more accusatory and also it straight up says that a demon can not only improve, but love.

Another miscellaneous lines that I prefer are "Ora la bimba lo sa!" ("Now the girlie knows!") over "Now the cat's out of the bag", because Lute is an asshole; "È questo quello che mi disgusta!" ("This is what disgusts me!") over "That's what the fuck I've been saying!" because it's a more elegant emphasis; and "Come mai nascondi che tu hai le ali come noi?" ("Why do you hide that you have wings just like us?") because it's more evocative and even more cruel since Vaggie actually got her wings ripped out.

Finale

Trascino fin qui Quel resta di me Ma la morte so che Mi voleva per se Se pensano che sarei morto da eroe Mi dispiace, ma no, sono tutte bugie Io bramo soltanto la mia libertà Dal contratto che storpia la mia volontà E quando le ali io dispiegherò Finalmente il mondo piegherò

translation:

I drag here What's left of me But I know that death Wanted me for itself If they think I would die as a hero I'm sorry but they're all lies I only long for my freedom From the contract that distorts my will And when I'll unfold my wings Finally I will bend the world

First of all, Nanni Baldini is slaying just as much as Riccardo Suez in the emotional department bro what is that voice. But most importantly, "From the contract that distorts my will". This is much more poignant than the English version, and it paints Alastor as not only a puppet, but really as if part of him is acting against his own will. man.

[puckpocketed]

As someone who’s the go-to prospects blog in my mind, do you have any thoughts on Aron kiviharju dropping to the fourth round? The video the Wild shared after he got drafted is soo interesting to me

"Let me tell you one thing, man; you just made the biggest steal of the draft. I promise you that."

29/06/2024 - The Minnesota Wild draft Aron Kiviharju 122nd overall

Aron Kiviharju was supposed to go 1st overall.

Can you be a bust before you ever get drafted? Can the narrative miasma of going 1st overall linger on someone who went 122nd?

Kiviharju’s first game report from the 2024 EP Draft Guide is dated November 24th, 2019. He was 13 back then. According to them, no other player in EP's database — nor in any other draft guide this year — has had scouts' eyes on them so early, for so long. They say he understands the game beyond what's reasonable for a player his age, that he's always excelled while playing above his year level, that even though he's small and light there's something special about his game. Singular, elite, a phenom. This child is the next big thing. He is 13, 14, 15, he is anointed Boysaviour before his voice has cracked.

How many times have we heard this story before?

One day, Aron Kiviharju will be competing with and against players his age. And when that day comes, it might feel a bit odd for the defenceman. For years, ever since Kiviharju was young, he has played up a level, or two, or three. At age 13, he was playing U16 hockey with TPS Turku and, this past season, as a 15-year-old, he started with TPS’ U18 team before moving on to the U20 club. His numbers – 30 points in 35 games – would be deemed impressive for a 19-year-old forward, never mind a young defenceman who only turned 16 in January.

Steven Ellis' article on Kiviharju for Daily Faceoff, early September 2023, broadens the scope of public scrutiny even further:

Time travel back to 2022, and you'll find his name is printed right next to some familiar faces from this year's draft: Macklin Celebrini, Cole Eiserman, Berkly Catton, Ivan Demidov — except, they're all listed as possible challengers to his assumed throne.

And then, the accident.

The glaring flag on Kiviharju's draft profile, and across every report, every interview, and article since is the reality of his stalled potential. A scout’s job is to project a player’s future, but progress is rarely linear. What might halt a once-promising player's progress? Injuries and global pandemics and a poorly managed season or two; these things don't care for destiny. For every realised prodigy there are a dozen more who will fall short of expectations — this is something you pick up fast reading backdated draft guides and sifting through the history of the NHL.

In Kiviharju's case, the dislocated kneecap and the skate cut to the throat are the things most will write about. Behind the scenes, however, there were evidently other factors that contributed to his drop to the 4th round.

You see, every time I think I've escaped it, the size issue comes back.

The belief remains, however, that larger is better. I’m understating just how much it pervades hockey discourses: it’s present in scouting reports and has had measurable impacts on drafting; I hear it on professional and amateur hockey podcasts; it’s thrown out casually during interviews by coaches and fellow players. I can’t read or listen to anything about Faber without stumbling across it — the preoccupation with size. I’ll be very clear here: I’m not reading anything malicious from specific people, I’m not accusing anyone of crimes, and in no way am I implying that ice hockey is unique here. Just the opposite, in fact. I know professional sports hinges upon producing stars, that the commodification of young bodies is endemic to the business. Those stars are, stripped down to the basest definition, workers who perform with their bodies and sell their labour, whose bodies will inevitably be coveted and revered for their adherence to the Platonic Ideal of their respective crafts. For men’s sports, there’s something extra on top of the commodification of children’s bodies — it’s the vernacular of near-fetishistic worship; of the masculine, the oxymoronic youthful-but-mature, the virile. The language used to praise Faber and other young d-men like him has my stomach twisting in a discomfort that I find hard to quantify — players, coaches, and the media all talk about him, and the hockey blinders slip. He’s a “workhorse”, a “stud”, he’s got “a man’s body” — and call it projecting, call it reading too deeply into innocuous statements, but the closest thing I can compare it to is hearing my AFAB body spoken about as an object whose value can be reduced to its function, its usefulness, its closeness to sexual maturity.

Excerpt from the last time I wrote about a Minnesota d-man (sensing a pattern here).

Kiviharju probably would've dropped some places regardless of his injury and missed time; that's where the league is trending right now in terms of draft preference. When you're small, every mistake is amplified by your lack of size. You must be twice as skilled, faster, more consistent.

p. 595, The 2024 Elite Prospects NHL Draft Guide

Kiviharju's media appearances read like someone who is haunted by his draft stock despite his assertions otherwise.

Kiviharju's bold proclamation, caught on GM Bill Guerin’s hot mic, that the Wild just got "the biggest steal of the draft” will likely be associated with Kiviharju's rise — or perhaps his fall — as Minnesota media and fans work at their mythmaking. I don't know if I want to care about some hockey myths anymore. My appetite for them sours day by day. These myths were started by the eyes and hands and mouths of people watching a boy of 11 play hockey, who witnessed him and salivated at his unwritten future. Part of me thinks: I don't want to be complicit in their continued weaving — though I know I will be anyway.

I read what he says in the lead up to the draft and it's like he's telling himself as he tells us; that he will not care, because he is worth more than this.

From Kiviharju's draft day interview, transcribed by me:

Q: What's the biggest thing you learned about yourself going through the rehab process? AK: Kind of like... it's — life is more than hockey. Hockey is the biggest thing for me. I love the sport. I will do this for the rest of my life, for sure. First playing it, then probably I will continue with hockey after my career, so I've been always thinking like that, and I'm still thinking like that, but it's just that it's — more. Life is more than just hockey, there's a lot of things. And there's a lot of different things about myself, kind of like when you don't — if hockey is my fuel and I'm a car and I'm 200 days without getting any fuel, we have to find some new ways how to get that fuel, to keep my car going. - Q: How has your cut healed since U-18's? AK: Yeah so (he gestures to the cut right below his jawline) that was a pretty close one, but thank God we're alive. That's what I kind of meant when I said that this life is more than just hockey. So first you're 200 days without playing hockey and when you come back your first game the World Under 18's a skate cuts your throat open, so it's very close calls, and that's when you remember that this is only hockey.

Whatever happens, I want Kiviharju to hold on to this. Don't get me wrong, I'm rooting for him. In so many ways, he fits the archetype of players I enjoy. I want him to make it to the show and blow everyone's expectations out of the water and bring Minnesota the Cup. I love this team, even if I rarely post about them. Even still, whether he shoots into stardom or he washes out of the NHL, it doesn't fucking matter. It's only hockey.

And he is more than his ability to live up to our myths.

[actual-changeling]

(please do not send any asks with fundraiser links)

Hi, you can call me Alex or whatever variation of my username you'd like. <3

I'm in my early twenties, use mainly they/them pronouns, and there is a lot wrong with my brain (both affectionately and in a decidedly not fun way). I have memory issues, so I can and will forget things, including replying to messages. You are ALWAYS invited to send me a reminder—please, please do, I will not be offended, pinky promise.

This blog is 90% fandom, 5% personal shit and 5% misc posts that I like. My inbox and DMs are open, so feel free to message me and interact however you like! If there's something you want me to see, I don't mind getting tagged in posts either.

Please don't be an asshole, and you can find my opinions/rules about discourse on my blog right here. I'm incredibly bad at judging my own tone, so if I come across as overly intense or upset, chances are I am actually not—I'm just passionate about the things I enjoy.

Mulder and Scully have taken over my brain and body, and I don't think they will leave me alone ever again.

I will be tagging spoilers for any newly released shows and episodes. If there is something you would like me to tag spoilers for, just shoot me an ask or dm!

Currently following and tagging for:

The X Files: alex watches x files

Doctor Who: alex watches doctor who, dw spoilers

(PJO The Series: pjo spoilers) show is on hiatus

The Magnus Protocols: alex listens to tmagp, tmagp spoilers

I write fanfiction both here on tumblr and on ao3 under actualchangeling. Requests or ideas are fine, though I cannot make any promises.

Wanna chat with other people about good omens? I have a discord you can join, mostly angelfish focused but we talk about all our beloved idiots.

My other misc current active special interests are Doctor Who and Good Omens, but I dabble in a lot of other fandoms, too. Among those are Marvel/Iron Man, Lucifer, TLOU, The Magnus Archives, Welcome to Night Vale, Prospect (2018), and many more.

My tag system for original posts applies to all fandoms I am currently actively engaging with and follows the same patterns. I tag spoilers when I remember to for about a week, so consider this blog to be very much NOT spoiler free.

alex talks x -> meta, analysis, interpretation, or opinion posts

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Any personal posts that are not fandom related are tagged as following; feel free to block them if you're just here for the fandom madness!! I really do not mind.

alex yells at the void -> misc personal stuff

alex gets personal -> potentially triggering discussions of my trauma or mental health, vent posts

Last but not least, the tag for my queue is I’ll follow queue anywhere you go. It's a TLOU reference for those who are curious.