#full integration

[reimeichan]

Stages of DID recovery

Stage 1: my brain is so quiet. I feel nothing. hear nothing. remember nothing. it's just... nothing.

Stage 2: HOLY FUCK THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE SHUT SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP THINKING THERE'S TOO MUCH THINKING

Stage 3: we're now in sync, everything is in peace, we understand each other, sometimes we need to talk but it's fine it's not as chaotic-

Stage 4: HOLY FUCK I'M FEELING AND THINKING EVERYTHING FROM EVERYONE THERE IS NOTHING STOPPING THESE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS FROM EXISTING THIS IS TOO MUCH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP

Stage 5: actually this is normal and fine. we're good.

[system-of-a-feather]

Visualizing Different Forms of Late Stage Recovery DID / Full Integration

[Note: This is a repost from this post without the long essay attached to it for rebloggability]

We were thinking about it and kind of came to think of a potential visual for Functional Multiplicity VS Final Fusion and the kind of inbetween within the two

We are middle right.

Top Left:

DID prior to any significant amount of processing and recovery; parts are pretty separate from one another with little permeability between parts; some parts are made up of multiple colors

Top Right:

DID during recovery; some parts fuse and meld together to make new parts, others develop some permeability between parts while still maintaining their separation, communication and co-fronting is easy for these parts and they may have a temporary fused state where the areas overlap

Middle Left:

One form of Full Integration; Functional Multiplicity; All parts are connected through permeable barriers and parts are mostly functioning independently of one another. Some parts may be semi-fused or have temporary fused states for parts they are well integrated with, but they also can retain in their individual states as well.

Middle Right:

One form of Full Integration; Functional Multiplicity and Final Fusion Simultaenously; there is a central and overarching “fused whole” that exists in the center of the system where all parts are blended together to the point it is impractical to label which is which; some parts are not fully blended in with the fused whole and thus it is possible to go into areas of the whole where each part is operating independently; its important to note though that a lot of the time, these parts are still holding parts of their adjacent parts and each section tends to have colors from more than their “original” self

Bottom Left:

One form of Full Integration; Full and Final Fusion; what some consider ideal and a more traditional idea of “final fusion” where all parts are fully and perfectly balanced and integrated with one another to create a solid singular identity

[multiplicity-positivity]

This might be a controversial topic, so if you do not wish to answer due to discomfort/for your own safety then that is completely valid 👍 Feel free to dismiss this ask if so.

• As someone whose system had (unintentionally) final fused roughly half a year ago, is it still appropriate for me to use the term "system" or refer to myself as plural (we/us)?

Frankly, I'm sort of bummed out that we had final-fused, even if our systemhood was a sign that I was severely hurt. I was genuinely willing to go for functional multiplicity and even accepted the fact that I may just be a system for life.

Context: A situation that happened around last year's Valentines had distressed me so bad that I ended up splitting and became plural for a good few months, with us having a total of 6 headmates before they faded and eventually final fused around mid-2024.

Our fusion was not intentional by any means, it just happened gradually during summer break when I was no longer seeing the guy that I was involved with during the situation (who was also the catalyst for my plurality, mind you).

My friends who are also systems mentioned that the unintentional final fusion might just be a sign of healing, so there's that.

I'm unsure how often final fusions are discussed in the community, moreso if there's anyone out there who are final fused (intentionally or not). So if any soul out there feels outcasted due to being final fused, especially if unintentional: Hey, I'm here 🫶 Your experience is valid and it has happened before.

Certainly. You are more than welcome to call yourself a system even after fusion, and you still belong in plural and system spaces, without a doubt. We mean this with ever fiber of our being. You belong here. And your presence here adds to the special and beautiful diversity of the plural community. It is your life, your experience, and you get to choose the language to define yourself which feels right for you. If this means calling yourself a system, plural, or using we/us pronouns, please continue to do so. Please don't feel like fusion has to be a bad or negative thing, that it will cut you off from the spaces and language that are affirming or beneficial for you.

It is true that the topic of fusion is often feared or avoided within system spaces. We have been asked to trigger tag fusion on this blog, and have seen the ways many systems talk about fusion in our community. But, make no mistake, fusion is nothing to be feared! It is a beautiful sign of recovery and healing. Whether intentional or unintentional, final fusion often means that you have done the grueling work necessary to come together with your collective, and that you are ready to live with your experiences, memories, and emotions as one, whole, multifaceted individual. It truly is an amazing recovery path worth celebrating, and needs to be destigmatized in our spaces.

Personally, we feel like functional multiplicity and final fusion may not be all that different from each other. All the parts still remain, all the aspects of every alter's identities are still there. One may be a healed person with multiple facets, while the other is a healed multifacted person. Both may look like each other at different points. And both fused individuals and functional multiples belong in plural spaces as long as they wish to be here. We seriously mean this. Fused systems and plurals, even if they no longer identify as multiple, are absolutely still welcome in the plural community, and their unique perspectives need to be uplifted and cherished in our spaces.

On Tumblr, we know of @reimeichan @hiiragi7 @subsystems and @system-of-a-feather (hope it's alright to @ you all) who are all systems who have achieved this level of recovery. Their experiences and writings may be of some use to you (we certainly know they have been incredibly beneficial for us!). We think that any system, CDD or not, recovered or not, would do well to learn about the different experiences of recovered CDD systems, and what recovery and fusion could potentially look like.

And to you, anon, and others, please know that we welcome discussion of final fusion and full integration on this blog. Recovery is a daunting and difficult process, especially without any sort of community behind you or when you feel like you're having to go through it along or just with your therapist. We don't want final fusion to be considered controversial here. It's not. It is a wonderful and amazing thing which we would love to see talked about more often. Those who have recovered, who are recovering, should never feel like their own recovery path will cut them off from their friends and the spaces which help them feel seen and accepted. Acceptance should never have the caveat of "you must recover in this specific way in order to be wanted."

You are wanted here. You are welcome on this blog, in system spaces, and in the plural community. You are welcome to use whatever language you wish to describe your own experiences. And we are wishing you the very best with whatever your future holds.

[greens-spilled-tea]

Good lord I saw a post along the lines of "if you've hit final fusion you're still disordered because you can still potentially split" and while I understand what they're trying to say it's just such a bad argument, especially since it was said within the context of how "non-disordered systems don't exist".

When the disorder is no longer causing distress or impairment, is it a disorder anymore? Yes, I still have a DID brain. My brain is likely never going to be the same as that of someone who has never developed DID. There is no "cure" for this. At the same time, saying that I'm still "disordered" feels wrong in the grand scheme of things. I've heard of people who have achieved final fusion or functional multiplicity who had their diagnosis removed from their chart because they no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for said disorder.

Also, saying I can still split even after reaching final fusion and using THAT as some sort of a gotcha to prove that I'm still disordered is so harmful. Yes I still split sometimes, in fact I still split quite a bit! But those of us who have reached final fusion have learned how to cope and manage our symptoms enough to be able to handle that without them necessarily fucking up our lives. Also, *gestures towards functional multiplicity* when you reach a level of symptom management even with dissociated parts where you can thrive and the symptoms are causing little to no issues in your life anymore, you literally don't fit the criteria for the disorder anymore and that doesn't mean you're cured, it just means you're no longer disordered. There is a difference between the two! This is why I love using the phrase "in remission" because that's very much what's going on here.

Anyways I'm just rambling and tired and angry.

[the-secret-third-mon]

I was prodding around my private Discord server, adding each of our chosen emoji into the names of our personal “journal” channels, and a thought occurred to me:

Our (my) mind really is like a small community these days. XD

Even if we view ourselves as a single person, I can’t really deny anymore that I also view myself as being “multiple”, too. The best way to describe this vibe, outside of my usual “the secret third option”, is as a person with both a single collective identity and multiple identities.

We’re fluid parts of a single whole, and enjoy existing as that “fused” whole whenever a situation lends itself to such; but we love interacting with each other, our friends and loved ones, and the world in general as each individual part of us, too. Both is good.

It just really amuses me when my personal Discord server has more channels on it, and regular activity, than a vast majority of the smaller, private Discord communities that we’re part of. We have a handful of close, mutual friends on our private server, but often times it’s largely just us (aka. myself) rambling away in a “thinking aloud” way or writing at each other. How one person can talk away so much to and/or at themselves I have no clue, yet here we are. 😂

It also often blows my mind how much different my life is now, two years after first realizing (and consciously acknowledging) that we had DID, compared to my life prior to that. In many ways, it honestly does feel like another lifetime…

I guess in a sense, recalling our past life is like another secret third option, too: not quite an entirely different person’s life, but definitely not the exact same person we were prior to DID awareness either.

Having so many previously internal parts of us fully integrated, fused, and actively fronting now has significantly changed my daily identity, even if the average person couldn’t even tell. My own internal vibes are just strikingly different to how I used to feel, not least because I finally comprehend why my gender orientation shifts so frequently (gender fluidity is a trip). It’s also really lovely having ready access to so many different emotions, memories, and everyday skills nowadays, too, and I’m most definitely a better teacher and employee as a result.

But returning to my original observations: I just find it very amusing how natural it is to exist as multiple these days, despite also feeling more singular and “whole” than ever before. Everything just makes so much sense now, in ways my mind previously never did for as long as I could remember…

I really do love every part of me (us), and this strange little community we’ve created. There’s a particular Japanese song and music video that used to resonate with me long before I ever fathomed being multiple, and in many ways it’s even more meaningful and dear to me now. All I can do is keep praying for safety and good health, so that I can properly enjoy the rest of my life with every part of myself/us/we and this wacky mind community we’ve forged together.

(The song in question that I referred to above)

[cafedragons]

i think the true pacifist ending of undertale changed me fundamentally as a person but that's not why i'm making this post

i'm making this post because i thought i didn't like any video games except pokèmon, minecraft, and stardew valley. in actuality, what i didn't like was not being able to remember what i was doing and what i did previously in-game.

alters from the getgo were (pretty much) allowed to share our games from the moment we knew about each other. this meant that games like undertale and final fantasy where there's a serious plot and details to remember were pretty much impossible to play and complete.

after all, when i logged onto the game halfway through it with no memory of who any of the characters in my party were or what i was supposed to be doing, it wasn't very fun to play. pokèmon was pretty much the same formula every time, so it was fun, and minecraft was pretty much plotless.

now, though, being fully integrated? wow. the experience is SO different. undertale is the first story game i actually completed since then, and... i remember it. the whole thing, from falling into the ruins and meeting toriel to battling the absolute monstrosity that is photoshop flowey (seriously what the fuck was photoshop flowey) to all the little details in the true lab. and it was SO fucking fun to progress and uncover the story bit by bit.

i'm probably gonna start from scratch on FF 9, because while i "technically" am most of the way through (i think), i want to experience it as it was meant to be experienced. i just. man. i like video games. that was neat to discover about myself.

[stil-lindigo]

recently, Israel sent down hellfire missiles near a hospital in Gaza, which are missiles that explode into blades that slam down and cut through anything in their way. (link)

There is a video of a man with his legs newly amputated, screaming in a pool of his own blood. I won’t share the video, because it made me vomit into a toilet, but either trust me it exists or go look for it yourselves.

There is another video of a young girl, crying silently after her legs were blown off in an explosion. She explains tonelessly to the camera man that she doesn’t want fake legs because they’ll just remind her of her real ones. She is 13. (link)

A hospital is told to evacuate and they do, all the while waving white flags in a show of surrender. The IDF shoot at them anyway. (link)

Meanwhile in Israel - they begin to enforce one of the most draconian anti-free-speech laws in history.

1.link | 2.link | 3.link

Israel also claims to be the “only democracy in the Middle East”.

Israel has bombed hospitals, fishing boats, schools, refugee camps, power sources, water tanks, evacuation routes. They have killed 80% of Palestinian journalists, they have killed 100 UN workers, they have murdered over 4,000 children in 34 days. Because of the lack of food and water, Palestinians have begun to die from starvation, cholera.

If you still support Israel after all this, I believe you’re completely lost. Utterly without any humanity. Nothing could ever excuse this.

In Australia, there is an ongoing list of protests planned, as well as a permanent camp out being set up in Naarm/Melbourne to block Israeli transport company ZIM from shipping weapons. Congressional staffers in the US are finally being gotten through to - in spite of their rampant greed and long-suffering inhumanity, even they can recognise when their phones won't stop ringing with people saying flat out they'll never vote for them again.

Find resources to help Palestine globally at Ceasefiretoday.com

[system-of-a-feather]

Yeah I'd say thats about the same for us as well. I think part of it also comes from the - for the lack of better words - math that kinda happens as parts fuse. I feel in our system / case, XIV is a good example cause hes mostly introjected parts fused together and so like... way back he was 100% a mixed fictive of Riku Replica / Dark Riku and Hollow Ichigo, but then he fused with Rayku (introject of Ray and an introject of an OC fused) and later a Lucifer introject and at that point and just st thst point he was only really like 1/5th of any single source. Combine that with some of the non-introjects and fragments he fused with and just mathematically speaking, the amount of which each source accounted for an aspect of himself grew smaller and smaller

Its been similar with me (albeit I have less introject parts) and its consistent with our fused whole even more, but in our experience it largely does kind of boil down a lot into how each introject part starts to be recognized as "a part of me" and thus also a part that learned and took a lot from the source

But in the end of the day, thats one part of me that relates strongly to the source, that learned a lot from said source.

I dunno if that was all too coherent cause Im kinda sleepy eepy but I wanted to chime in

Final Fusion with Introjects

Throughout the time that I was a more, well, multiple multiple (ie, prior to final fusion), I don't think I ever really thought of myself as "introject heavy" (though I did have many introjects). My introjects were "source-un/attached" to varying degrees, from being completely unattached to being very attached to a lot of things in the middle.

Personally, I had never really thought much about what would happen to these introject identities once I had fused (either fully or partially). As I fused more, I noticed the introjects in my system growing more into themselves and, naturally, away from viewing themselves solely as their sources. This isn't to say all of my introjects stopped identifying with source entirely, however; in fact, one of the last handful of seperated parts in my system prior to final fusion was still at least somewhat source-identified at the time of the last few fusions.

What I have noticed, post-fusion, is that those introject identities all went somewhere, flowed into me, in their own ways. For introjects of people I've known (ie abuser introjects and introjects of people close to me), it's become "behaviors/traits/language I got from [xyz person]". For fictives, it's become a way of understanding myself through fictional media; Why I related to these characters so deeply and why my parts took on these identities.

I can definitely say that I do still identify with, in some way, all of the introject identities my individual parts took on - just the same as I still identify with the identities of my individual parts who did not have an introject identity. However, it is in a much different way from how it was pre-fusion; My identity as a whole is not that of an introject. To me, that would be no different from identifying as individual parts, anyway. (I acknowledge, of course, it is different for everyone; this is just how it is for me.)

Instead, what it's like now is more along the lines of "wow, I really relate to this," "the connection I have to this [character/person/media] is a really important part of me," "this influenced my sense of self a lot".

I wouldn't know if it's similar or not to how non-multiples experience these sorts of connections; I don't tend to be one for those sorts of comparisons. It is a lot different, however, from how I experienced it prior to final fusion. I personally haven't seen any others talking about this subject and had some thoughts on how it's been for me.

[shisasan]

The full moon isn’t just a phase-it’s a mirror, a love letter written in light across the sky, or a merciless inferno, unearthing the dormant wraiths buried in the hollow of your soul.

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts 3 - The Caribbean

[qaanngi]

When you and your fellow birb are the only close range fighters at the start of your contract and haven’t had another person to spar with in a while

[reimeichan]

I guess that when I first achieved the full fusioning, I had.... thought? hoped? that things would be smoother sailing, just a little bit. And I guess in many ways it has been smoother sailing. I'm not having multi-week shutdowns, I'm able to still move forward day after day, the bad days aren't as bad and I'm still able to do things I enjoy, etc. etc. But that doesn't make the bad days feel not shitty, if you get what I mean? And because I'm less dissociated in general I'm able to feel and experience a lot more of my emotions, so those really unpleasant emotions just feel more for me now. But I also know that even if it feels awful, I'm not being as self-destructive in how I handle my emotions now.

But I guess what I'm trying to say is, healing isn't a one and done thing. I have bad days, I still sometimes fall back on maladaptive habits, my trauma triggers still hit me in the face like an isekai truck sometimes. A big part of my healing has been being okay with things not always being okay, which honestly feels kind of mind-twisty to get around, and it's really helped give me a lot of peace to just moce forward instead of being held back by shame and self-blame that I should be "doing better" or something. I'm not always doing better, and that's fine. That means I should take it easier and be kinder to myself.

[system-of-a-feather]

BTW for the folks at final fusion, functional multiplicity, full integration or whatever you want to call it. If you end up splitting, fusing, dividing, eating a tomato or take a nap at 8 pm, none of that is a reflection to you failing at recovery nor does it invalidate your stage of recovery.

Additionally, you are of no obligation to announce it to your audience like it was a sin, failure, or form of deception to your place in healing.

There is no genuine strict threshold or rules to your recovery path and where you find yourself.

[ieafy]

gf post 😁💗

[greens-spilled-tea]

if you're ok answering: who are the late stage DID bloggers? 👀 i'm looking into integration/final fusion myself and would really really like to see more people who talk about it

@subsystems recently answered a really similar ask about this! I'll put the link here for ya.

I'll also suggest @theorionissystem for good late-stage content, and I also know @smokee78 has achieved final fusion. I have a few other systems in mind who may fit the bill but I don't know if they'd label themselves late stage/in remission DID bloggers so I'll leave them off the list for now. If you're a fellow late-stage recovery/in-remission DID blogger please let me know! I'm always down to follow more people further along in their DID journey as it gives me a lot of hope and a feeling of community in a space that often feels like earlier stage healing shenanigans are talked about. Not that earlier stage stuff is bad! But sometimes it can get a bit lonely feeling like you're the only person with these experiences and being able to connect with others who are in a similar place as me has genuinely helped me a lot.

[the-secret-third-mon]

I was working through my Bing app Microsoft Rewards daily quests, innocently clicking through my daily set links, and came across this:

Absolute feels punch the moment I read that third bullet point. 😭

Just, ahhhh. I resonate so deeply with that philosophy - most especially since working through DID healing, integrating with all of our parts, and coming out the other side. It’s just such a beautiful way to view both mental and physical wellness, and life in general.

See, Microsoft? Sometimes I actually do read your suggestions! (And they make me cry) </3