#little red courgette blamebrampton

[sitp-recs]

Hi! :)

Could you please do a funny/witty/bantery rec list?

Looking more so for writing tone, but dialogue would ofc also be okay!

Thank you so much x

Hi there! I have a reclist for witty!Draco, but here are some witty fics I really love. They are such fun reads I remember exactly which scenes made me laugh out loud. In terms of writing tone, 4 authors whose sense of humor always hit the mark for me are astolat, shiftylinguini, blamebrampton and iota. Enjoy!

Tense by Faith Wood (E, 3k)

Harry and Draco have sex. Very, very slowly. Seriously, this is, like, 3K of penetration.

Never Gonna Give You Up by InnerLilith (E, 5k)

Five times Harry rickrolls Draco and one time Draco gets him back.

Game On by @pennygalleon (T, 5k)

Draco blows Harry a kiss and the press goes nuts. Harry suggests they use this to their advantage.

Matched Set by astolat (E, 6k)

“No one asked you to look, did they?” Draco said, eyes glittering and intent on Harry’s face—like he’d just wiped off the years and turned back in time to when their greatest ambition in life had been to knock the other off his broom in front of the school and grab the Snitch first, before they’d both gone to war and come back with scars.

Up The by @shiftylinguini (E, 7k)

“I feel I need to point out,” Draco kissed gently over Harry’s Adam’s apple, “that this is the most Gryffindor approach to conception that could possibly exist.”

draco malfoy's substitute murder service by @oknowkiss (E, 10k)

When Harry joins the Curse Breakers shortly after his twenty-fifth birthday, he’s surprised to find himself assigned to the Department of Creatures, Cryptids, and Associated Calamities.

The Loathly Worm by Selden (E, 12k)

When Draco Malfoy is forced to go undercover among the remaining Death Eaters in the aftermath of the war, the last person he expects to find there is Harry Potter.

Party of Two by fireflavored (E, 13k)

Drinking, sex, and a total misreading of the concept of fuck buddies.

keep it down, orphaned (E, 13k)

Malfoy’s an inconsiderately loud roommate and Harry’s over it.

An Act of Kindness for One Harry Potter by a Sympathetic Draco Malfoy by 0idontknow0 (E, 15k)

As Draco leaned on the wall to wait for them to get dressed, he could not help feeling like he had done a very kind thing by disrupting them. Someone should give Potter a better rogering than that sorry sod had. The man had saved the bloody world—okay, mostly Europe—the least someone could do was give him a proper shag.

Stupid Love by @the-sinking-ship (E, 17k)

Harry Potter, how does Draco Malfoy hate thee? Let me count the ways.

Heartlines by @sorrybutblog (T, 22k)

Just as Draco Malfoy's life seems to be getting back on track, the magic at Malfoy Manor is spinning out of control. Auror partners Harry Potter and Angelina Johnson are assigned to the case and quickly find that nothing about the situation is obvious. The flare ups are unpredictable at best, downright dangerous at worst, and why has a Hogwarts first year gone missing at the same time?

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (T, 31k)

When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon by @drarrytrash (E, 36k)

According to Harry’s personal narrative regarding the incident, he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy for purely self-destructive reasons, or out of convenience, or by some unlucky accident. Looking at him, sprawled in the moonlight, Harry is devastated to recall that he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy because he’s hot.

Bite Me, Hate Memes by pir8fancier (E, 44k)

Draco Malfoy is incensed to realize that someone is trying to usurp his position as the premier Harry Potter hater.

Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu (E, 75k)

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

The Liars Department by @dorthyanndrarry (T, 103k)

This is a story about Harry meeting up with Draco Malfoy four years after the war. And a story about Harry, well, not hating his job per say, but it's not like he has much to compare it to and it seemed fine. His whole life seemed fine. Then Malfoy came along with and his flashy suits and fast car making everything seem dull in comparison, and Harry... Harry couldn't just leave well enough alone.

[bridenore]

HD Farmer / Gardener fic recs

Here are a few recs where either Harry or Draco is a farmer or have a vegetable patch. Listed in alphabetical order.

Black Sheep by shushu_yaoi_lj / @orange-peony [10k]

“You know, Potter, maybe all you need to win is a little—incentive, let’s say.” “An incentive?” Harry asks, his interest piqued. He takes a step closer to the fence, and then another one, until he’s standing so close that he can smell the intoxicating scent of Malfoy’s expensive cologne. “Shall we say that if you win, you can have whatever your heart desires?” Malfoy replies with a smile. “Anything.”

Little Red Courgette by @blamebrampton [31k]

When this season’s purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed? All along, Kingsley Shacklebolt finds himself pining for the good old days, when, instead of governing, all you had to worry about were Dark Lords and imminent death.

Love Will Abide by @dodgerkedavra [39k]

Harry and Draco survive the apocalypse. This is what happens after.

Sweet Creature by @whineosaur  [63k]

Harry loves his sheep, his dogs, the tranquil countryside farm he’s turned into a home. He doesn’t need Draco Malfoy screwing it all up. But, god, what else is he supposed to do about Draco Malfoy sleeping with a lamb in his bed?

This Delicious Solitude by  Omi_Ohmy [16k]

Draco is sent to investigate Harry’s extraordinary carrots for the Prophet after whispers of cheating rock the world of competitive vegetable cultivation. But how’s he meant to get anywhere when Harry won’t even let him past the garden gate?

The Weight of a Wanting Heart by @femmequixotic [11k]

After nearly two decades hidden away in the Wiltshire countryside, Draco Malfoy’s surprised to see a familiar face come into his local.

I hope you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

What are your favourite drarry fics? Mine is Survival is a Talent by ShanaStoryteller: Harry and Draco are adorable, and the original magic is quite entertaining. (Updates have been slow lately, but there's a lot less tension now, and it's worth reading even if it doesn't get finished)

omg YES I DO BELIEVE I'VE READ THAT.

Favourite fics in no particular order:

Turn by saras_girl: Absolute classic, changed my life, it was so beautiful and heartbreaking and healing and happy. Honestly everything by saras_girl is 1000/10.

Azoth by zeitgeistic: THE CHEMISTRY? THE ANGST? THE CLEVERNESS?

Dear Enemy by gingertodgers: the most hilarious epistolatory fic. i would die for all of them.

Little Red Courgettes by blamebrampton: i learned more about politics and diplomacy through this bloody hilarious political satire and romance than I did in all the rest of my education. I was crying with laughter throughout.

Draco Malfoy and the Mirror of Ecidyrue by starbrigid: The first book of the MoE series and it's Draco put back in year 1 with all his war memories intact and he relives everything and i'm doing a bad job but it's AMAZING and the platonic dramione friendship? harry having a crush on little Draco?

YES IM A NORMAL AMOUNT OF PASSIONATE ABOUT DRARRY.

[mxlfoydraco]

Hello! I came upon one of your rec list on the drarry tag earlier and I was wondering if you still do them? If so, do you know any drarry fic that is draco + career centered? Like draco being excellent at his job and it being more in the foreground. Something like Heal Thyself by astolat or Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton. Competent draco is the norm but I was wondering if you know of more fics that explores his/their careers more :) Love your blog 💕

Hello friend! I'm very tentatively doing recs always with the caveat that I'm not super up to date. I think majority of the fics in the Draco-centric list fit this description so I'll add onto that without repeating myself.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by @firethesound (2014, E, 150k)

Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

What Dreams May Come by @firethesound (36k)

If Harry had to get called into work on his day off, at least he was able to get Malfoy called in too.

Any Instrument by @dictacontrion (131k)

Draco Malfoy wouldn't go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can't control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.

The Vanishing Department by @dictacontrion (47k)

The things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, even if that involves a lot more form-filling, bickering, covert glancing, miscommunication, and flying furniture than we might expect.

The Ordeal of Being Known by @lou-isfake (146k)

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge… especially from Potter.

Balance, Imperfect by @bixgirl1 (91k)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

The Four Doors by @fluxweeed (48k)

It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.

Open for Repairs by @drarrytrash (34k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things. feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

Foundations!verse by Saras_Girl (364k)

Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (114k) Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

Taking Chances by @gracerene (135k)

After the war, Draco disappeared and started over in America, vowing never to return to Great Britain and the fraught past he left behind. Unfortunately, when his mates convince him to sign up for an exchange programme for the last year of their Auror Training, Draco learns that he doesn't have much of a choice in the matter.

Conquering the Dark by @noeeon (23k)

Harry's a Healer specialising in the care of children, Draco Malfoy's an expert in neuromagic at St Mungo's. A difficult case forces them to work together and, in the process, unearths some of the trauma of the past, as well as the chance for healing in the present.

The Printed Press by Soupy_George (119k)

Draco has worked hard to gain a reputation as an unbiased reporter for the Prophet. He never imagined this would lead to Harry Potter offering him a job, or how much accepting said job would change his life.

Home Truths by @skeptiquewrites (67k)

In the off-season Harry decided to fix up Grimmauld Place and found that Draco Malfoy was the only person who could help him. A demanding career and unrelenting press scrutiny were enough to deal with before Harry added a house with a mind of its own, family history, and a tense, flirty, complicated relationship with his childhood nemesis to the mix.

All the Earnest Young Men by @tepre (29k)

All over London portraits are disappearing from their canvases. Auror Harry! Expert-in-Magical-Art-Theory Draco! There's running, dancing, falling through ice, what’s this paper giraffe doing here? A great time was had by all.

Under Giant Mountains by @wolfpants (33k)

Harry doesn't know where he's going. Everyone else has their life paths figured out; he doesn't even know where his map is. Who'd have thought Draco Malfoy bathing in a Norwegian forest would be the guidepost Harry needed? In which Harry's trip to Norway to visit dragon-wrangler Ron introduces him to hikes from hell, mysterious natural magic, foraging, magical bathing, a new and bizarre friendship, and the frustrating, heady allure of his former nemesis turned sexy globetrotting field researcher.

Paper Rings by @lettersbyelise (50k)

When Harry’s in need of a divorce lawyer, he has no choice but to turn to the best in the trade. Draco Malfoy’s reputation for discretion is flawless, and his track record for winning cases is close to perfect. But he’s also ruthless, passionate, and as infuriating as ever, and the brief relationship he and Harry had in Eighth Year still feels painfully fresh despite two decades spent apart. What Harry and Draco used to be is all in the past. And surely they can work together in these new, emotionally charged circumstances without falling in love all over again… can’t they?

The Kisses Don’t Count, If No One Else Knows by oldenuf2nb (41k)

Minister for Magic Harry Potter does not love his job. The one bright point in his life is his secret relationship with Quidditch Super Star Draco Malfoy. When they're 'outed' by a peeping tom with a camera, Harry has to decide what's really important.

The Truth About Love by @amywaterwings (52k)

In which Draco is a high-powered magical divorce lawyer and Harry is the Unspeakable assigned to seduce him. It goes as well as one might expect.

Picking Up Pieces series by TessaCrowley (22k + 21k) The Unbearable Burden of Caring: Fifteen years after the War, Draco is a social recluse and award winning author. Harry is an auror who works too hard, ensuring his old war wounds never heal. They meet at a masque ball, unaware of each other’s identities. In another situation, it would have been love at first sight. But for them, it would never be so simple. Sins and Scars and Shattered Things:  Fifteen years have passed since the War, but the wizarding world isn’t quite ready to forgive Draco Malfoy for his past sins, or for being in love with Harry Potter. For a former Death Eater who escaped conviction, it is a trial by fire.

Coffee, Cakes and Doorknob Snakes by Omi_Ohmy (40k)

Harry's house is trying to kill him, and only one person can help him: pity it's Draco Malfoy

I Do Not Love You by Writ_and_romance (228k)

In 2013, a carefully-designed Obliviation leaves Harry reconfiguring his life and identity without any memories of true love; an act that's essentially erased Draco Malfoy from his mind despite a wedding band and shared home. In 2000, Draco had expected Pansy's relationship with Luna to bring the Gryffindors a bit closer to his orbit of quiet, carefully pacifistic existence, but he never expected to navigate such a transparent embrace into a unit of family, friendship, and love. A mystery, two love stories, and a reminder that learning to love never has an end date.

[wetassdrarry]

Top 25 Drarry

my own favorites, rich and dripping

Wild by orphan_account (92k)

Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid (100k)

When Times are Dire by aibidil (130k)

What We Pretend We Can’t See by gyzym (131k)

Turn by Saras_Girl (306k)

Timeshare by astolat (14k)

The Way Down by lettered (65k)

The Nightmare Club by Elle Gray (85k)

The Compact by astolat (64k)

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (104k)

Orbit by HenryMercury (52k)

Now The Shining Sun Is Up by lettered (22k)

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (31k)

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (93k)

How to Handle a Matzo Ball Soup Emergency by Blowfish_Diaries (22k)

Howlr by partialtopotter (47k)

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (29k)

Dwelling by aideomai (83k)

Currency by blythely and circetigana (31k)

By the Grace by lettered (140k)

But That’s History by ebbet (54k)

Balance, Imperfect by bixgirl1 (91k)

Away Childish Things by lettered (153k)

All Bets Are Off by dualwieldteacup (31k)

A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption by aibidil (43k)

Find your flavor

Honorable Mentions!

Wormwood & Reaglar by opalesqueopioid (24k)

Why doesn’t this have more hits??? Breathtaking magic theory and politics unfolded through DRAGONS, I mean...

Up here (everything is different) by Etalice (14k)

Something broke or mended in my chest

(Un)wanted by aibidil (36k)

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by thestarryknight (16k)

fuck the police

The Pure and Simple Truth by lettered (65k)

Ni idea de por qué me encanta tanto esta "sitcom,” pero es un agudo estudio de personajes de nuestros tríos de oro y bronce

it is a strange thing to nourish what could kill you (in the hopes it does not kill you) by dicta_contrion (18k)

I think it's brilliant but be wary ye who enter here

Heal Thyself by astolat (47k)

draco malfoy’s substitute murder service by oknowkiss (10k)

A Gift for Draco by SquadOfCats (33k)

Cuuuuuute

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

y’all just look at this tiny eggplant thank you goodbye

[dictacontrion]

'I thought you were engaged in your own hands-on grass-roots Ministry reform, making the one department work well, with an eye to expanding in the future,' Potter rebutted. 'Well I am, so you needn't try making use of me in your nefarious scheme.' 'I don't have a nefarious scheme.' 'So is it all a complicated plan to take some highly personal and embarrassing revenge for the Potter Stinks badges? Because that was years ago. And although I feel a little badly about it now, they were excellent work for a wizard that age.' 'They were, I was impressed. I still have one at home, you know.' 'Really?' 'Yup. I thought you were a wanker at the time, but I have to say, that was a quality Charm.' 'Thanks. So what's left? You're in the hire of someone keen to assassinate the last of the Malfoys; it's all an elaborate if somewhat clumsy plan at seduction; or you're desperate for someone to talk to now that all your friends are getting married and having children.' 'Those are my options? I'll take two, clumsy seduction.' 'Really?' 'I know for a fact you've not changed so much since school as to be surprised that people find you attractive,' Potter countered, smiling. 'People, yes. But you?' 'I'm people!' 'You're Potter.' 'You're rather appealing when you're exasperated.' 'This is a terrible idea,' said Draco, downing the last of his wine and pouring more.

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

[shiftylinguini]

Hello, can you please suggest some drarry fics with lots of magic and unusual careers (Harry being aloof and mysterious and draco being amazing) Thanks! ^_^

hiyaaaaaa, I can actually! These might hit the spot:

1. Just a Matter of Time - Anonymous, for @hd-fan-fair (~23K, E)

Draco's in a bit of a rut. He's nearing forty, divorced, and he still can't figure out how to make his Time Turner reconstruction work. He's bored, he can admit it, so he's not nearly as concerned as he should be when his pet project malfunctions and sends him twenty years into the past. That is, until he ends up relying on a nineteen-year-old Harry Potter for help and starts developing some very inconvenient—and possibly reciprocated—feelings.

(Careers: Draco is an unspeakable who accidentally goes back in time, Harry is Harry, everything is perfect.)

2. Naked - @bixgirl1 (~57K, E)

Harry and Draco are sent on an undercover assignment to catch a Dark wizard — which might not be so bad if it weren't at a Muggle nudist resort.

Now Draco has to deal with a very interested Harry, temptation he's long-since learned to ignore, and threats around every corner — including the one to his heart.

(Careers: okay okay, they’re Aurors which is not that unusual BUT there is tonnes of magic, and mystery and everyone is NUDE)

3. Little Red Courgette - @blamebrampton (~31K, T)

When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

All along, Kingsley Shacklebolt finds himself pining for the good old days, when, instead of governing, all you had to worry about were Dark Lords and imminent death.

(Careers: Draco works in the Office for the Volumetric Standardisation of Edible Wizarding Greengrocery Produce, and every line of this fic is a gem, you will laugh, READ IT)

4. Precious Memories - @ravenclawsquill (18K, E)

When Harry’s Pensieve breaks with a very important memory trapped inside, he has no choice but to hire an expert to repair it. Then Draco Malfoy steps out of his Floo, and Harry isn’t sure what to expect. He certainly isn’t anticipating tea, biscuits and gold-rimmed glasses.

(Careers: Draco is an expert fixer of Pensieves, Ravenclawsquill writes such witty and h o t stories, you canot go wrong)

5. Touch - @bixgirl1 (!44K, E)

When Harry is referred to a professional cuddler for the soothing power of touch, he’s dubious — even more so when the Cuddler who shows up turns out to be Malfoy. But in the years since the war, Malfoy’s changed, and over the next several days Harry is confronted by how much he still doesn’t know about this new version of his old enemy — and by how much he wants to learn.

(Careers: DRACO IS A PROFESSIONAL THERAPEUTIC CUDDLER, Harry is an insomniac, I love this so much adhksvhsv)

6. The Unquiet Grave - @magpiefngrl (~21K, E)

When Malfoy's life is threatened, Harry agrees to work as his bodyguard. Given their recent history, that might be a mistake.

(Careers: Harry is a bodyguard, Draco is an inventor, EVERYTHING IS GOTHC NOIR, it’s a masterpiece)

ENJOY xx

[lazywonderlvnd]

“Potter rummaged in the drawers and wardrobe for a while, emerging with[...]a pair of little leather straps with attached buckles and clips. He waved the last in the air gleefully. 'I knew you'd have a perverted side, Malfoy!' Draco dropped his head into his hands. 'Only my inexplicable attraction to imbeciles. They're sock suspenders. When Mother heard I was going to become a civil servant, she went a little overboard.'”Evidence that Draco is morosexual in Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

Ndnacwbck amazing I haven’t read that but sounds truly on brand

[sitp-recs]

What Drarry fanart would you use a cover art for your favorite fics :-)

Omg what a brilliant ask!!! I love it 🙌 ok so this took me ages because I tried to match art I’ve seen with my favourite fics, meaning some fics I really love aren’t here because I couldn’t find the corresponding art. I’ve had so much fun doing this, thank you!

1. Far From the Tree by aideomai can’t be paired with anything but @bluebutter-art’s brilliant art, dilf Draco to the rescue!!!!

2. this art by @istehlurvz gives me big The Boy Who Only Lived Twice vibes, power couple!

3. art by @kk1smet and art by @creeeee for @tackytigerfic’s Modern Love, eternal fave

4. art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm for Away Childish Things by lettered, perfection

5. this art by @zigster-ao3 is a lovely fit for korlaena’s A Sword Laid Aside

6. King Draco & Knight Harry by @swymsuyt for astolat’s The Compact 👑

7. @bluebutter-art’s gorgeous posh Slytherin Draco for Astolat’s Slithering

8. this art by @missmrah always makes me think of Super Rich Kids by @thusspoketrish

9. this art by @bluebutter-art for Turn by SG 🥺

10. this art by @artdecielle fits Little Red Courgette by @blamebrampton like a glove

11. this art by @danasauurr would be perfect for Mijan’s Eclipse

12. this art by @trashcanprince for Aideomai’s Dwelling, one of my favorite scenes

13. art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm for All Our Secrets Laid Bare by firethesound, my heart!

14. this art by @zurka-durka takes me right into the comfort of Like Lightning at Your Fingertips by potterwatch

15. this art by @ginkirikirikiri for eleventy7’s Running on Air, a classic!

Bonus: the amazing The Liars Department by @dorthyanndrarry already has an exceptional cover art by @snarkyships-drarryside and same goes for this breathtaking art @bluebutter-art did for @pennygalleon’s Game On. Love these!

[cactusspatz]

On the third day of Recsmas, my reccer gave to me:

Three great puns

Two OT3s

And a classic of fake dating!

You might say, ‘But Spatz, don’t you mean bad puns?’ No. There is no such thing as a bad pun, only how badly you can make everyone groan over it!

Covered in Bees by ScarlettStorm (Untamed, 8K, Wangxian)

“Cloud Reccesses Apiary,” says a toneless, deep masculine voice, with zero question in it. Wei Ying doesn’t care, because whoever possesses that voice is probably going to come save him from bees like a fucking hero while wearing like, a suit of armor. That’s what you wear to catch bees, right?

Modern AU in which Wei Ying comes home to a bee swarm in his front yard. Literally tagged ‘come for the flirting, stay for the bee puns’, and whomst among us can resist that combination? Okay, there’s probably some people who can, but you’re having less fun than the people reading this fic.

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (Harry Potter, 31K, Harry/Draco)

When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

*gestures at summary* I rest my case. There’s more where that came from, too! A bit dated in re: Britain’s relationship with the EU (though who can really say if the wizarding world Brexited or not?), but it’s still hilarious post-series bureaucracy shenanigans plus romance.

Pun in the Sun by @inmyriadbits (CSI: Miami/Primeval, drabble, gen)

After the New Dawn fiasco, the ARC team does a lot of liasing.

Look, you don’t need to know either fandom, you just have to be the kind of person who enjoys Horatio Caine getting karmically punished by way of time-travelling dinosaur.

[queer-talmid]

@tspofsuga thanks for the tag 🥰

last song: Turning Tables by Adele (this is the last song I‘ve been singing. Idk the last time I listened to music)

last movie: I almost never watch movies. Do mockumenturies count? If so “Death to 2020,” which was fabulous

currently watching: I’m rewatching Taskmaster, which I love 💕

currently reading: Little Red Courgette by BlameBrampton, a satirical drarry fic full of dick jokes. what more could a girl ask for??

currently craving: something sweet maybe

tagging: @whensuddenlycats and @starkidding-around if you feel like it 🙃

[serpentcast]

On this week's episode, we're talking about bureaucracies! Macey brought a fun little game so Alex and Freya could use their imaginations! We're also talking about two great tentpoles: Going Postal by Terry Pratchett and the Harry Potter fanfic “Little Red Courgette” by blamebrampton.

What We’re Into Lately

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

A Skinful of Shadows by Frances Hardinge

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

astolat

Joy of Life

Small Gods by Terry Pratchett

Untamed

A Declaration of the Rights of Magicians by H. G. Parry

Other Stuff We Mentioned

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

“Little Red Courgette” by blamebrampton

Tor.com

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke

The New Oxford American Dictionary

Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett

Making Money by Terry Pratchett

Raising Steam by Terry Pratchett

Cambridge Analytica

Leverage

The IT Crowd

A Memory Called Empire

Machineries of Empire series

BtS Episode 7

Loreena McKinnit

Jupiter Ascending

Bureaucracy Scene

Zootopia

Three Parts Dead

Harry Potter book series

Little Britain

“The Office Job” Leverage ep.

City of Blades

BtS Episode 29

The West Wing

Parks and Rec

Yes Minister

The Thick of It

Veep

For Next Time

A Choir of Lies by Alexandra Rowland

Transcription

The transcript of this episode is available here. Thank you, scribes!!!

[wetassdrarry]

Drarry + Non-explicit Intimacy

in which there might be kissing, but no other sex acts are described

A Dented Old Street Sign by orphanghost (27k)

All Roads Lead Home by dracogotgame (15k)

And So Death Took by ICMezzo (25k)

A Room Up There (And You In It) by thestarryknight (59k)

Away Childish Things by lettered (153k)

A Young Radical’s Guide to Love by blamebrampton (66k)

But That’s History by ebbet (54k)

Dating Draco Malfoy by QueenofThyme (47k)

Dear Enemy by GingerTodgers (69k)

Draco Malfoy’s Worst Christmas Ever (It’s All Harry Potter’s Fault) by coffeejunkii (11k)

Erosmancy by astolat (11k)

Failed Application of Thought by RuArcher (67k)

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (29k)

fly like paper, high like planes by harryromper (47k)

Forget Our Heritage by dwell_the_brave (15k)

head over heels by derekmaliknurse (21k)

Hermione Granger’s Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by waspabi (93k)

How We Throw Our Shadows Down by thistle_verse (14k)

Like Diamonds We Are Cut With Our Own Dust by raitala (10k)

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (31k)

Only For The Lucky by SunseticMonster (63k)

Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it) by fluxweed and lastontheboat (10k)

Purity Control by yrfrndfrnkly (28k)

Tell Me the End at the Beginning by harryromper (36k)

The Pure and Simple Truth by lettered (65k)

To Hurt and Heal by cassisluna (21k)

Find your flavor

[vdoesbookrecs]

Favourite Fics: This is definitely not a metaphor for anything…

As you might have heard if you read my updates, I am a bit sick. And what do you do when you’re sick, but not sick enough to warrant lying on the couch, cocooned in at least three blankets, and feeling sorry for yourself all day long? That’s right, you make chicken soup. 

Now, as anyone who’s ever made chicken soup from scratch (I don’t trust the canned stuff) knows, there are exactly two steps to the process. Step one: Boil chicken. Step two: Cut up every single vegetable you have lying around in the fridge and just throw it in the pot. Doesn’t matter if it’s carrot or celery or radishes - it all goes in. 

There are a few things, though, that not even I would put in a soup. Cucumbers, for example. Or aubergines. Or zucchinis. Which reminds me...

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton is a hilarious Drarry fic, set a few years after the war, featuring quite a lot of fresh produce of unusual size that is DEFINITELY not a metaphor for...certain appendages. 

As already mentioned, this fic takes place a few years after the Great Wizarding War. Draco Malfoy, desperate to divorce himself from his late father’s way of making politics (a.k.a bribes, threats, and manipulation), is doing his best as a Junior Undersecretary to keep the Department of Standards from causing European-wide scandal. His head of department, the secretary, does his very best to cross his plans in that regard. Also, Smythe, his faithful office partner, reads too many biographies of dubious veracity, and whatever Head Auror Potter is up to, Draco is sure it can be no good. 

This fic combines two of my favourite things: Really good world building, and vegetable puns. Though, reducing the humor to just ‘vegetable puns’ really doesn’t do it justice. The whole thing, starting from the plot and going to the writing style, is one great big comedy. There is no part of this fic that isn’t absolutely hilarious. The author even manages to make very very nice bits of worldbuilding - the house elf agency, for example - tie into the humorous tone flawlessly. 

That being said, not only is this fic funny and very well thought out, it also has some of my very favourite characterizations of Harry and Draco ever. Harry is still the reckless, impulsive, hot-headed savage we all love from the books, and Draco as the finnicky, cunning, ambitious ministry worker is unbelievably well written. The hilarity of the story in no way whatsoever results in any ooc actions or dialogue.  

In conclusion: If you’ve bean wheating flour a fic that makes you artiCHOKE from laughter, you shallot wait any longer.  

[drarryspecificrecs]

H/D Career Fair 2009 : (fics only)

hd-fan-fair || official masterpost || AO3 || ∑= 71 fics + 13 arts The Mods : @marguerite26, @vaysh11 + Banner © : Heathen

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★ Occupational roundup

The Adventures of Harry Potter, Pervert and Draco Malfoy, Porn Star (Un-Cut) by okydoky [E, 16k] Harry: Pervert | Draco: Porn star

All Around the Limbo World by nolagal [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Nanny | Draco: Train to Heaven Conductor

All That Remains by @lordhellebore [M, 21k] Harry: Veteran | Draco: Volunteer worker

Along The River by @joanwaterhouse [M, 2k] Harry: Raft guide | Draco: Kayak freestyler

ASSassSINs by hogwartsvixxxen [E, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Assassin | Draco: Assassin

Behind The Façade by scarletladyy [T, 3k] Harry: Family law attorney | Draco: Family law attorney

Bewitching Baubles by cokeacola2006 [M, 7k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Toy maker | Draco: Malfoy heir

Blood and Brimstone by calanthe_fics [E, 42k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Inquisitor | Draco: Prodigal

The Boy Who Baked by @cassieblack [T, 9k] Harry: Baker | Draco: Accountant

A Change of Career by AylaPascal [E, 6k] Harry: Undercover security | Draco: Minister for Magic

Concerto for Two Voices by sevillagranada [E, 7k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Conductor | Draco: Violinist

Distraction by ebethfic [E, 6k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Building contractor | Draco: Politician

Don’t Let’s Stop or The Case of the Dead Philandering Politician (A Draco Malfoy Mystery) by i_l0ve_my_az [?, 15k] Harry: Special agent | Draco: Forensic analyst

Draconis' Dancer by quill_lumos [E, 14k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Jockey | Draco: Horse owner

Drink Up Thy Zider: A South Hams Pomona by wemyss [T, 40k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Cider maker | Draco: Banker

Fashion and Politics by kafka_lee [G, 2k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Fashion victim | Draco: Stylist

Forbidden Magic by @pandoras-chaos [E, 4k] Harry: Homemaker/Stay-at-home dad | Draco: Gay porn writer

Girls Aloud are Hazardous to your Health by azicrow [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Detective inspector | Draco: Forensic analyst

Greeting Expectations by mahaliem [M, 16k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Private detective | Draco: Greeting card writer

Heavenly Bodies by leo_draconis [E, 12k]   *not on AO3 Harry: DADA textbook author | Draco: Wizard entertainer

History of the War by Winnett [M, 21k] Harry: Pirate captain | Draco: Pacifist

The Homestead by mayberry_rose [M, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Minister for Magic | Draco: Nurse

The House that Harry Built by fantasyfruitbat [E, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Architect | Draco: Golddigger

Hunting by androidiordna [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Dark-Mark hunter | Draco: Apprentice Death-Eater hunter

Immovable Unspeakable meets Irresistible Hit Wizard by @alis-anne [E, 11k] Harry: Unspeakable | Draco: Hit wizard

In Need of Repair by penguin474 [T, 8k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Writer | Draco: Car mechanic

In The Same Boat by tomatoe18 [E, 21k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Bookstore manager | Draco: Bookstore owner

In the Stream by musamihi [T, 11k] Harry: Ministry reformer | Draco: Seer

Incarnate by cleodoxa [E, 16k] Harry: Stand-in Death | Draco: Death's first victim

Incidental Charms by @marguerite26 [E, 11k] Harry: Para investigator | Draco: Inventor of Daydream Charms

It’s a Dirty Job by fireflavored [E, 9k] Harry: Rich | Draco: Chimney sweep

Light as Iron, Singed as Pearl by Snegurochka [E, 13k] Harry: Commissioner | Draco: Club owner

Like the Fire in My Blood by dm_p [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Gay club owner | Draco: Drag queen

The List by Tari_Sue [E, 21k] Harry: Restaurant owner | Draco: Prospective bridegroom

Little Red Courgette by @blamebrampton [T, 31k] Harry: Cartoonist | Draco: Assistant junior under-secretary

Malfoy-Potter Inc. by silva_draconis [T, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Sex educator | Draco: Sex Ed material publisher

A Matter of PreText, ConText, and Misconceptions by laciudad [E, 15k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Pervert | Draco: Sex deviant counselor

A New Beginning by sirenwater [E, 2k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Fluffer | Draco: Gay porn star

No Animagi, No Polyjuice, No Sparkling Vampires by Leela [E, 11k] Harry: Pub owner | Draco: Painter

Normal Does It by lotus_lizzy [E, 26k] Harry: Captain | Draco: Druidic warrior

Nudged in the Right Direction by explosionkaboom [G, 12k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Failed Auror | Draco: Weasleys Wizard Wheezes salesperson

Over My Dead Body by cyane_snape [E, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Mortician | Draco: Dead body

P.S. I know you by smirking_muse [T, 7k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Romance reader | Draco: Romance writer

Paint It Black by melly_diamond [M, 6k] Harry: Fanboy | Draco: Rock star

Pint-Sized Surprises (or Lily Potter is a Pint-Sized Sherlock Holmes) by dadomz [T, 17k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Photographer | Draco: Pastry baker

The Poetry of Fragments by olimakiella [E, 20k] Harry: Major | Draco: Librarian

Pomegranate by treacle_tartlet [E, 14k] Harry: Critic | Draco: Chef

Public Affairs by hereticalvision [T, 17k] Harry: Lawyer | Draco: Lawyer

Punch Lines by alovelycupoftea [T, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Comedian | Draco: Comedian

The Quirks of Wizarding Dentistry by bgreenwivy [E, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Duelist | Draco: Dentist

The Real Thing by Rickey [E, 16k] Harry: Wandmaker | Draco: Fantasy broker

Reasonable Adjustments by wench_fics [E, 16k] Harry: Retired | Draco: Duelist

Renovations by @dysonrules [E, 18k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Handyman | Draco: Recluse

Respect your Editors by calembours [T, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Ice-cream vendor | Draco: Advertiser

The Road to Hell by Starpleiades [M, 10k] Harry: Lobbyist | Draco: Prostitute

Scratching the Itch by tray_la_la [E, 10k] Harry: Model | Draco: Model agency owner

Shutter by CariadWinter & Dark_Labyrinth [E, 24k] Harry: Nature photographer | Draco: Architect

Silhouettes in Sunsets by @potteresque-ire [T, 22k] Harry: Owner of Hedwig's Owl Emporium | Draco: Accountant & Luthier

Small Blessings by @dianacopland [M, 37k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Orphanage dad | Draco: Men's loungewear designer

Space Wank Continuum by fat_teaspoon [E, 9k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Muggle relations liaison | Draco: Ward designer

Strangeways, Here We Come by shaun84 [T, 8k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Music journalist | Draco: Bartender

Stray Pucks by enchanted_jae [G, 2k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Ice hockey player! | Draco: Candy floss peddler

Stories from America by b00kaddict [M, 17k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Tropical fish breeder | Draco: Freelance journalist

Sweatin' to the Voldies by commas_and_ampersands [E, 24k] Harry: Unemployed | Draco: Gym owner/Personal fitness coach

The Toad's Hollow School by @sassy-cissa [G, 3k] Harry: Nursery school teacher | Draco: School administrator

Venus' Nipples by faynia [T, 10k] Harry: Private investigator | Draco: Chocolatier

War of the Roses, Not to Mention Lilies, Tulips, Lotuses, Lavender, and Ginger Flowers by @noeeon [E, 6k] Harry: Flower procurer | Draco: Wedding wrecker

The Way To a Man’s Heart (How Malfoy’s Bon Bites Became Britain’s First Vegetarian Wizarding Restaurant, Almost) by @catzintheattic [T, 23k] Harry: Health inspector | Draco: Chef

When the Clocks Stopped by @vaysh11 [E, 30k] Harry: Curse-breaker | Draco: Arithmancer/Time master

World on Fire by b00kaddict [M, 15k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Therapist | Draco: Firefighter

Wrong Side of Dead by sirra_scribbles [M, 30k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Scout/Soldier | Draco: Model member of the Force

You Can Have Me However You Like Me, Sir by lovesmymovement [T, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Second assistant | Draco: Fashion magazine editor-in-chief

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