#little red courgette blamebrampton

[sitp-recs]

top 10 funniest drarry fics that aren't crackfics?

Oh I don’t usually go for crackfic so this is the perfect ask, thank you 😊 I LOVE all these:

Bite Me, Hate Memes by pir8fancier

Knot Your Average Coworkers by thecouchsofa

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

More Than That by joosetta

Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu

Slithering by astolat

Stand Back: I'm About to Perform Archaeology by Blowfish_Diaries

The Loathly Worm by Selden

The Pure and Simple Truth by lettered

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym

Bonus: love the subtle humor of Heartlines by iota

[sweet-s0rr0w]

day 18 of @hprecfest - a fic that makes you laugh

Little Red Courgette, by @blamebrampton - T, 31k, 2009

Summary: When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

All along, Kingsley Shacklebolt finds himself pining for the good old days, when, instead of governing, all you had to worry about were Dark Lords and imminent death.

Excerpt:

They each made it through a bowl of chocolate with sundry other flavours garnishing it. And three large glasses of wine. This was the only excuse Draco could find for the fact that he found himself asking Potter: 'So what's your game?'

'Quidditch,' Potter replied instantly. 'Or Exploding Snap.'

'Here. What's your game here.'

'I'm not with you.'

A part of Draco's brain screamed at him to stop, but the alcohol-soaked part, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Smythe's, encouraged him to go on. 'Are you working with Kingsley to enlist me as your pawn in a clean out of the Ministry? You were very quick to agree when I asked you to warn The Quibbler off, was it all a ruse?'

'I thought you were engaged in your own hands-on grass-roots Ministry reform, making the one department work well, with an eye to expanding in the future,' Potter rebutted.

'Well I am, so you needn't try making use of me in your nefarious scheme.'

'I don't have a nefarious scheme.'

'So is it all a complicated plan to take some highly personal and embarrassing revenge for the Potter Stinks badges? Because that was years ago. And although I feel a little badly about it now, they were excellent work for a wizard that age.'

'They were, I was impressed. I still have one at home, you know.'

'Really?'

'Yup. I thought you were a wanker at the time, but I have to say, that was a quality Charm.'

'Thanks. So what's left? You're in the hire of someone keen to assassinate the last of the Malfoys; it's all an elaborate if somewhat clumsy plan at seduction; or you're desperate for someone to talk to now that all your friends are getting married and having children.'

'Those are my options? I'll take two, clumsy seduction.'

'Really?'

Back in 2019 when I rediscovered the joys of fanfic after over a decade out, I started off the way any (less tech-savvy) millennial would, by googling 'Drarry fanfiction'. blamebrampton's works were some of the first that I found, and I was immediately entranced. They're such an incredible variety, from the Muggle World-set Doing the Lambeth Walk, to travel fic Beneath Boundless Skies, to wartime epic (and longtime @tackytigerfic obsession) And Save Me From Bloody Men. No matter what the topic, though, blamebrampton's sense of humour always shines through in her sharp observations and witty dialogue, and in Little Red Courgette she's able to showcase this to the fullest extent. It's a hilarious examination of government bureaucracy from the world-weary point of view of one Draco Malfoy, an employee of the Office for the Volumetric Standardisation of Edible Wizarding Greengrocery Produce. The veg related puns are numerous, and excellent, and both Draco and Harry are incredibly endearing. Big rec, for all her works!

If you read it, and especially if you love it, please do let me know! And as always, please do take the time to leave the author a kudos/comment <3

day 1 - first fic you remember reading

day 2 - a fic rated G

day 3 - a fic not on ao3

day 4 - a comfort fic

day 5 - a romantic fic

day 6 - a fic for a ship you don’t normally read

day 7 - the best of your OTP

day 8 - a fic that was recced to you

day 9 - a WIP

day 10 - a fest/event fic

day 11 - an underrated fic

day 12 - a fic from your favourite author

day 13 - a rare pair

day 14 - a fic rated T

day 15 - a fic over 50k

day 16 - a podfic

day 17 - a fic that makes you cry

[drarry-reccage]

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (31k, T)

Tags: politics, bureaucracy, comedy, office romance

'Technically we've been on the same side for the last decade, though I will grant you that my contribution has consisted of bureaucratic excellence, which may have escaped your notice.' 'Not at all, I have a private collection of your finest memos.'

This fic was so funny, I was giggling from start to finish. I loved Harry's dry sense of humour and the combination of genuineness and crack at the end, and in between all that it was very sweet and clever and exactly what I needed to feel lighter in a time of need.

rec by @dontthrowsticksatme

[bridenore]

HD Farmer / Gardener fic recs

Here are a few recs where either Harry or Draco is a farmer or have a vegetable patch. Listed in alphabetical order.

Black Sheep by shushu_yaoi_lj / @orange-peony [10k]

“You know, Potter, maybe all you need to win is a little—incentive, let’s say.” “An incentive?” Harry asks, his interest piqued. He takes a step closer to the fence, and then another one, until he’s standing so close that he can smell the intoxicating scent of Malfoy’s expensive cologne. “Shall we say that if you win, you can have whatever your heart desires?” Malfoy replies with a smile. “Anything.”

Little Red Courgette by @blamebrampton [31k]

When this season’s purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed? All along, Kingsley Shacklebolt finds himself pining for the good old days, when, instead of governing, all you had to worry about were Dark Lords and imminent death.

Love Will Abide by @dodgerkedavra [39k]

Harry and Draco survive the apocalypse. This is what happens after.

Sweet Creature by @whineosaur  [63k]

Harry loves his sheep, his dogs, the tranquil countryside farm he’s turned into a home. He doesn’t need Draco Malfoy screwing it all up. But, god, what else is he supposed to do about Draco Malfoy sleeping with a lamb in his bed?

This Delicious Solitude by  Omi_Ohmy [16k]

Draco is sent to investigate Harry’s extraordinary carrots for the Prophet after whispers of cheating rock the world of competitive vegetable cultivation. But how’s he meant to get anywhere when Harry won’t even let him past the garden gate?

The Weight of a Wanting Heart by @femmequixotic [11k]

After nearly two decades hidden away in the Wiltshire countryside, Draco Malfoy’s surprised to see a familiar face come into his local.

Will Do So Gently by @shewhomustnotbenamed [138k]

Following a coup organised by Voldemort, England’s society collapses. Initial attempts by the government to regain power are thwarted by Death Eaters, and a rebellion group called ‘The Order’ forms to fight against them. The country divides, people flee, and those left are trying their best to survive. Draco Malfoy, raised since birth to believe in Voldemort, grows wiser with age and abandons his home after he realises the terror Voldemort intends to inflict on the world. Afraid of what The Order might do to a marked Death Eater, he goes into hiding where he remains for years until Harry Potter finds him and sparks his long-lost will to fight. Their paths separate, and Draco goes out to join The Order or die trying, not realising that his Death Eater status will be the least of his concerns when he arrives. Based loosely off of The Last Of Us (minus zombies)

I hope you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

What are your favourite drarry fics? Mine is Survival is a Talent by ShanaStoryteller: Harry and Draco are adorable, and the original magic is quite entertaining. (Updates have been slow lately, but there's a lot less tension now, and it's worth reading even if it doesn't get finished)

omg YES I DO BELIEVE I'VE READ THAT.

Favourite fics in no particular order:

Turn by saras_girl: Absolute classic, changed my life, it was so beautiful and heartbreaking and healing and happy. Honestly everything by saras_girl is 1000/10.

Azoth by zeitgeistic: THE CHEMISTRY? THE ANGST? THE CLEVERNESS?

Dear Enemy by gingertodgers: the most hilarious epistolatory fic. i would die for all of them.

Little Red Courgettes by blamebrampton: i learned more about politics and diplomacy through this bloody hilarious political satire and romance than I did in all the rest of my education. I was crying with laughter throughout.

Draco Malfoy and the Mirror of Ecidyrue by starbrigid: The first book of the MoE series and it's Draco put back in year 1 with all his war memories intact and he relives everything and i'm doing a bad job but it's AMAZING and the platonic dramione friendship? harry having a crush on little Draco?

YES IM A NORMAL AMOUNT OF PASSIONATE ABOUT DRARRY.

[wetassdrarry]

Top 25 Drarry

my own favorites, rich and dripping

Wild by orphan_account (92k)

Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid (100k)

When Times are Dire by aibidil (130k)

What We Pretend We Can’t See by gyzym (131k)

Turn by Saras_Girl (306k)

Timeshare by astolat (14k)

The Way Down by lettered (65k)

The Nightmare Club by Elle Gray (85k)

The Compact by astolat (64k)

Soup-pocalypse and The Great Curry Cataclysm by SquadOfCats (104k)

Orbit by HenryMercury (52k)

Now The Shining Sun Is Up by lettered (22k)

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (31k)

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (93k)

How to Handle a Matzo Ball Soup Emergency by Blowfish_Diaries (22k)

Howlr by partialtopotter (47k)

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (29k)

Dwelling by aideomai (83k)

Currency by blythely and circetigana (31k)

By the Grace by lettered (140k)

But That’s History by ebbet (54k)

Balance, Imperfect by bixgirl1 (91k)

Away Childish Things by lettered (153k)

All Bets Are Off by dualwieldteacup (31k)

A Hag, a Hex, a Tale of Redemption by aibidil (43k)

Find your flavor

Honorable Mentions!

Wormwood & Reaglar by opalesqueopioid (24k)

Why doesn’t this have more hits??? Breathtaking magic theory and politics unfolded through DRAGONS, I mean...

Up here (everything is different) by Etalice (14k)

Something broke or mended in my chest

(Un)wanted by aibidil (36k)

Two Zinnias and the Scent of Lemon by thestarryknight (16k)

fuck the police

The Pure and Simple Truth by lettered (65k)

Ni idea de por qué me encanta tanto esta "sitcom,” pero es un agudo estudio de personajes de nuestros tríos de oro y bronce

it is a strange thing to nourish what could kill you (in the hopes it does not kill you) by dicta_contrion (18k)

I think it's brilliant but be wary ye who enter here

Heal Thyself by astolat (47k)

draco malfoy’s substitute murder service by oknowkiss (10k)

A Gift for Draco by SquadOfCats (33k)

Cuuuuuute

[mxlfoydraco]

Hello! I came upon one of your rec list on the drarry tag earlier and I was wondering if you still do them? If so, do you know any drarry fic that is draco + career centered? Like draco being excellent at his job and it being more in the foreground. Something like Heal Thyself by astolat or Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton. Competent draco is the norm but I was wondering if you know of more fics that explores his/their careers more :) Love your blog 💕

Hello friend! I'm very tentatively doing recs always with the caveat that I'm not super up to date. I think majority of the fics in the Draco-centric list fit this description so I'll add onto that without repeating myself.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by @firethesound (2014, E, 150k)

Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

What Dreams May Come by @firethesound (36k)

If Harry had to get called into work on his day off, at least he was able to get Malfoy called in too.

Any Instrument by @dictacontrion (131k)

Draco Malfoy wouldn't go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can't control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.

The Vanishing Department by @dictacontrion (47k)

The things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, even if that involves a lot more form-filling, bickering, covert glancing, miscommunication, and flying furniture than we might expect.

The Ordeal of Being Known by @lou-isfake (146k)

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge… especially from Potter.

Balance, Imperfect by @bixgirl1 (91k)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

The Four Doors by @fluxweeed (48k)

It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.

Open for Repairs by @drarrytrash (34k)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things. feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

Foundations!verse by Saras_Girl (364k)

Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (114k) Professor Malfoy’s world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

Taking Chances by @gracerene (135k)

After the war, Draco disappeared and started over in America, vowing never to return to Great Britain and the fraught past he left behind. Unfortunately, when his mates convince him to sign up for an exchange programme for the last year of their Auror Training, Draco learns that he doesn't have much of a choice in the matter.

Conquering the Dark by @noeeon (23k)

Harry's a Healer specialising in the care of children, Draco Malfoy's an expert in neuromagic at St Mungo's. A difficult case forces them to work together and, in the process, unearths some of the trauma of the past, as well as the chance for healing in the present.

The Printed Press by Soupy_George (119k)

Draco has worked hard to gain a reputation as an unbiased reporter for the Prophet. He never imagined this would lead to Harry Potter offering him a job, or how much accepting said job would change his life.

Home Truths by @skeptiquewrites (67k)

In the off-season Harry decided to fix up Grimmauld Place and found that Draco Malfoy was the only person who could help him. A demanding career and unrelenting press scrutiny were enough to deal with before Harry added a house with a mind of its own, family history, and a tense, flirty, complicated relationship with his childhood nemesis to the mix.

All the Earnest Young Men by @tepre (29k)

All over London portraits are disappearing from their canvases. Auror Harry! Expert-in-Magical-Art-Theory Draco! There's running, dancing, falling through ice, what’s this paper giraffe doing here? A great time was had by all.

Under Giant Mountains by @wolfpants (33k)

Harry doesn't know where he's going. Everyone else has their life paths figured out; he doesn't even know where his map is. Who'd have thought Draco Malfoy bathing in a Norwegian forest would be the guidepost Harry needed? In which Harry's trip to Norway to visit dragon-wrangler Ron introduces him to hikes from hell, mysterious natural magic, foraging, magical bathing, a new and bizarre friendship, and the frustrating, heady allure of his former nemesis turned sexy globetrotting field researcher.

Paper Rings by @lettersbyelise (50k)

When Harry’s in need of a divorce lawyer, he has no choice but to turn to the best in the trade. Draco Malfoy’s reputation for discretion is flawless, and his track record for winning cases is close to perfect. But he’s also ruthless, passionate, and as infuriating as ever, and the brief relationship he and Harry had in Eighth Year still feels painfully fresh despite two decades spent apart. What Harry and Draco used to be is all in the past. And surely they can work together in these new, emotionally charged circumstances without falling in love all over again… can’t they?

The Kisses Don’t Count, If No One Else Knows by oldenuf2nb (41k)

Minister for Magic Harry Potter does not love his job. The one bright point in his life is his secret relationship with Quidditch Super Star Draco Malfoy. When they're 'outed' by a peeping tom with a camera, Harry has to decide what's really important.

The Truth About Love by @amywaterwings (52k)

In which Draco is a high-powered magical divorce lawyer and Harry is the Unspeakable assigned to seduce him. It goes as well as one might expect.

Picking Up Pieces series by TessaCrowley (22k + 21k) The Unbearable Burden of Caring: Fifteen years after the War, Draco is a social recluse and award winning author. Harry is an auror who works too hard, ensuring his old war wounds never heal. They meet at a masque ball, unaware of each other’s identities. In another situation, it would have been love at first sight. But for them, it would never be so simple. Sins and Scars and Shattered Things:  Fifteen years have passed since the War, but the wizarding world isn’t quite ready to forgive Draco Malfoy for his past sins, or for being in love with Harry Potter. For a former Death Eater who escaped conviction, it is a trial by fire.

Coffee, Cakes and Doorknob Snakes by Omi_Ohmy (40k)

Harry's house is trying to kill him, and only one person can help him: pity it's Draco Malfoy

I Do Not Love You by Writ_and_romance (228k)

In 2013, a carefully-designed Obliviation leaves Harry reconfiguring his life and identity without any memories of true love; an act that's essentially erased Draco Malfoy from his mind despite a wedding band and shared home. In 2000, Draco had expected Pansy's relationship with Luna to bring the Gryffindors a bit closer to his orbit of quiet, carefully pacifistic existence, but he never expected to navigate such a transparent embrace into a unit of family, friendship, and love. A mystery, two love stories, and a reminder that learning to love never has an end date.

[o0o-chibaken-o0o]

y’all just look at this tiny eggplant thank you goodbye

[sitp-recs]

Another fabulous fic by this incredibly talented author! Can’t get enough of their writing, bless 🙏🏼

“‘I thought you were engaged in your own hands-on grass-roots Ministry reform, making the one department work well, with an eye to expanding in the future,’ Potter rebutted. 'Well I am, so you needn’t try making use of me in your nefarious scheme.’ 'I don’t have a nefarious scheme.’ 'So is it all a complicated plan to take some highly personal and embarrassing revenge for the Potter Stinks badges? Because that was years ago. And although I feel a little badly about it now, they were excellent work for a wizard that age.’ 'They were, I was impressed. I still have one at home, you know.’ 'Really?’ 'Yup. I thought you were a wanker at the time, but I have to say, that was a quality Charm.’ 'Thanks. So what’s left? You’re in the hire of someone keen to assassinate the last of the Malfoys; it’s all an elaborate if somewhat clumsy plan at seduction; or you’re desperate for someone to talk to now that all your friends are getting married and having children.’ 'Those are my options? I’ll take two, clumsy seduction.’ ’Really?’ 'I know for a fact you’ve not changed so much since school as to be surprised that people find you attractive,’ Potter countered, smiling. 'People, yes. But you?’ 'I’m people!’ 'You’re Potter.’ 'You’re rather appealing when you’re exasperated.’ 'This is a terrible idea,’ said Draco, downing the last of his wine and pouring more.”

— Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

[sitp-recs]

top 10 drarry fics by the sheer force of the feels they gave you? not necessarily good feels! things you remember primarily because they hit hard in some way.

obviously, i'd also love to hear exactly how/why they hit hard if you're up for sharing that!

Oh that’s such a wonderful ask, thank you! I’m sorry for the late reply, the 10 fics came easily bc whenever I see those titles I get immediately transported back to where I was and what I felt reading them for the first time. But putting into words what exactly makes them heartkick-y for me was a bit more challengeging. It’s usually a “when you feel it you know it” kind of thing (and quite literally too, as sometimes it manifests as an actual physical reaction!) but more often than not the fic just clicks for me and there’s no rationale behind it. As Clarice Lispector said: “I suppose that understanding myself is not a question of intelligence but of feeling. It either touches you, or it doesn't."

Anyhoo, I tried my best to keep this short and sweet but since I’ve written individual recs for almost all these fics, I thought I’d include them too :) thanks again, this was super fun! And I’d love to read about your picks as well 👀

An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned | my rec

it doesn’t get more romantic than star-crossed lovers doomed by time travel!!!! (see also: my thoughts on The Eighth Tale by lettered). this is my brand of melancholy, something about the constant yearning, the beauty of stolen moments in liminal space, the unfairness of it all… ugh

Far From the Tree by aideomai | my rec

fft has altered my brain chemistry and ruined me forever with its tender devastation, I had such a visceral reaction to it - to the point of feeling dizzy and feverish. a simple time travel concept (this is my kryptonite istg) but the epic storytelling! the gratification! the bittersweet ending! rereading it would kill me but what a way to go

Forgive Those Who Trespass by Lomonaaeren

easily one of the most haunting and terrifying fics I’ve ever read, one jumpscare after the other but so creative and well-written I was too busy collecting my jaw from the floor to talk myself out of it lol

Little Compton Street by writcraft | my rec

as a queer woman, this one feels extremely personal and is very dear to my heart. I’ll never forget the emotions I felt learning about queer history and finding a sense of peace and belonging. lcs feels like coming home 🏳️‍🌈

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

this was my first bb fic and their sense of humor just blew my mind. I was so impressed by the smooth world building, by their wit and clever political commentary. I just couldn’t stop laughing. the dialogue is so good it makes me wanna weep, I can’t explain how much joy and comfort this fic gave me

Merlin Works in Mysterious Ways by lordhellebore

full disclosure: my reading experience was shaped by the fact that I didn’t realize the tagged disability would be major and permanent 🤡 by the time I noticed I was so emotionally invested I couldn’t stop. one of the most painful reads I’ve ever endured, worth it tho

Running on Air by eleventy7 | my rec

introspective fics are my jam and this one was just what I needed while working through some shit at a turning point in my life. so I guess it was more about finding the right fic at the right time, and I’m hit by mixed feelings of catharsis and nostalgia every time I revisit roa.

Still Life (orphaned) | my rec

my definition of a perfect shortfic. gorgeous prose, flawless execution, the “nothing is happening but everything is changing” vibes I live for, one of the best Harry pov I’ve ever read and an ending that always makes me gasp in awe. few authors can write complex emotions so effortlessly as seefin, absolute masterclass

Super Rich Kids by trishjames | my rec

criminally underrated, this story broke my heart but also gave me such a THRILL. I usually avoid substance abuse in fic but something about Draco’s spiral journey felt so raw it kept me at the edge of my seat. devastating but also a surprisingly funny and exciting thriller. the range!!!

The Long Fall by tackytiger | my rec

as someone who’s never been into kid fic and family dynamics, this was a punch on the solar plexus and rearranged my whole view about this trope. I was deeply moved by Harry’s longing for a family of his own and despite not having or wanting kids, this still felt really cathartic and changed me in a way I can’t quite explain.

[shiftylinguini]

Hello, can you please suggest some drarry fics with lots of magic and unusual careers (Harry being aloof and mysterious and draco being amazing) Thanks! ^_^

hiyaaaaaa, I can actually! These might hit the spot:

1. Just a Matter of Time - Anonymous, for @hd-fan-fair (~23K, E)

Draco's in a bit of a rut. He's nearing forty, divorced, and he still can't figure out how to make his Time Turner reconstruction work. He's bored, he can admit it, so he's not nearly as concerned as he should be when his pet project malfunctions and sends him twenty years into the past. That is, until he ends up relying on a nineteen-year-old Harry Potter for help and starts developing some very inconvenient—and possibly reciprocated—feelings.

(Careers: Draco is an unspeakable who accidentally goes back in time, Harry is Harry, everything is perfect.)

2. Naked - @bixgirl1 (~57K, E)

Harry and Draco are sent on an undercover assignment to catch a Dark wizard — which might not be so bad if it weren't at a Muggle nudist resort.

Now Draco has to deal with a very interested Harry, temptation he's long-since learned to ignore, and threats around every corner — including the one to his heart.

(Careers: okay okay, they’re Aurors which is not that unusual BUT there is tonnes of magic, and mystery and everyone is NUDE)

3. Little Red Courgette - @blamebrampton (~31K, T)

When this season's purple courgettes are woefully thin, Draco Malfoy thinks it amounts to small beans. Next thing he knows, the Department of Standards is over-run with leeks, Brussels sprouts all sorts of legislative difficulties, and somebody appears to have put a roquette under Harry Potter. Can Draco seize a marrow victory? Or will his plans for peas be squashed?

All along, Kingsley Shacklebolt finds himself pining for the good old days, when, instead of governing, all you had to worry about were Dark Lords and imminent death.

(Careers: Draco works in the Office for the Volumetric Standardisation of Edible Wizarding Greengrocery Produce, and every line of this fic is a gem, you will laugh, READ IT)

4. Precious Memories - @ravenclawsquill (18K, E)

When Harry’s Pensieve breaks with a very important memory trapped inside, he has no choice but to hire an expert to repair it. Then Draco Malfoy steps out of his Floo, and Harry isn’t sure what to expect. He certainly isn’t anticipating tea, biscuits and gold-rimmed glasses.

(Careers: Draco is an expert fixer of Pensieves, Ravenclawsquill writes such witty and h o t stories, you canot go wrong)

5. Touch - @bixgirl1 (!44K, E)

When Harry is referred to a professional cuddler for the soothing power of touch, he’s dubious — even more so when the Cuddler who shows up turns out to be Malfoy. But in the years since the war, Malfoy’s changed, and over the next several days Harry is confronted by how much he still doesn’t know about this new version of his old enemy — and by how much he wants to learn.

(Careers: DRACO IS A PROFESSIONAL THERAPEUTIC CUDDLER, Harry is an insomniac, I love this so much adhksvhsv)

6. The Unquiet Grave - @magpiefngrl (~21K, E)

When Malfoy's life is threatened, Harry agrees to work as his bodyguard. Given their recent history, that might be a mistake.

(Careers: Harry is a bodyguard, Draco is an inventor, EVERYTHING IS GOTHC NOIR, it’s a masterpiece)

ENJOY xx

[lazywonderlvnd]

“Potter rummaged in the drawers and wardrobe for a while, emerging with[...]a pair of little leather straps with attached buckles and clips. He waved the last in the air gleefully. 'I knew you'd have a perverted side, Malfoy!' Draco dropped his head into his hands. 'Only my inexplicable attraction to imbeciles. They're sock suspenders. When Mother heard I was going to become a civil servant, she went a little overboard.'”Evidence that Draco is morosexual in Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

Ndnacwbck amazing I haven’t read that but sounds truly on brand

[serpentcast]

On this week's episode, we're talking about bureaucracies! Macey brought a fun little game so Alex and Freya could use their imaginations! We're also talking about two great tentpoles: Going Postal by Terry Pratchett and the Harry Potter fanfic “Little Red Courgette” by blamebrampton.

What We’re Into Lately

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

A Skinful of Shadows by Frances Hardinge

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu

astolat

Joy of Life

Small Gods by Terry Pratchett

Untamed

A Declaration of the Rights of Magicians by H. G. Parry

Other Stuff We Mentioned

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

“Little Red Courgette” by blamebrampton

Tor.com

Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norell by Susanna Clarke

The New Oxford American Dictionary

Monstrous Regiment by Terry Pratchett

Making Money by Terry Pratchett

Raising Steam by Terry Pratchett

Cambridge Analytica

Leverage

The IT Crowd

A Memory Called Empire

Machineries of Empire series

BtS Episode 7

Loreena McKinnit

Jupiter Ascending

Bureaucracy Scene

Zootopia

Three Parts Dead

Harry Potter book series

Little Britain

“The Office Job” Leverage ep.

City of Blades

BtS Episode 29

The West Wing

Parks and Rec

Yes Minister

The Thick of It

Veep

For Next Time

A Choir of Lies by Alexandra Rowland

Transcription

The transcript of this episode is available here. Thank you, scribes!!!

[vdoesbookrecs]

Favourite Fics: This is definitely not a metaphor for anything…

As you might have heard if you read my updates, I am a bit sick. And what do you do when you’re sick, but not sick enough to warrant lying on the couch, cocooned in at least three blankets, and feeling sorry for yourself all day long? That’s right, you make chicken soup. 

Now, as anyone who’s ever made chicken soup from scratch (I don’t trust the canned stuff) knows, there are exactly two steps to the process. Step one: Boil chicken. Step two: Cut up every single vegetable you have lying around in the fridge and just throw it in the pot. Doesn’t matter if it’s carrot or celery or radishes - it all goes in. 

There are a few things, though, that not even I would put in a soup. Cucumbers, for example. Or aubergines. Or zucchinis. Which reminds me...

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton is a hilarious Drarry fic, set a few years after the war, featuring quite a lot of fresh produce of unusual size that is DEFINITELY not a metaphor for...certain appendages. 

As already mentioned, this fic takes place a few years after the Great Wizarding War. Draco Malfoy, desperate to divorce himself from his late father’s way of making politics (a.k.a bribes, threats, and manipulation), is doing his best as a Junior Undersecretary to keep the Department of Standards from causing European-wide scandal. His head of department, the secretary, does his very best to cross his plans in that regard. Also, Smythe, his faithful office partner, reads too many biographies of dubious veracity, and whatever Head Auror Potter is up to, Draco is sure it can be no good. 

This fic combines two of my favourite things: Really good world building, and vegetable puns. Though, reducing the humor to just ‘vegetable puns’ really doesn’t do it justice. The whole thing, starting from the plot and going to the writing style, is one great big comedy. There is no part of this fic that isn’t absolutely hilarious. The author even manages to make very very nice bits of worldbuilding - the house elf agency, for example - tie into the humorous tone flawlessly. 

That being said, not only is this fic funny and very well thought out, it also has some of my very favourite characterizations of Harry and Draco ever. Harry is still the reckless, impulsive, hot-headed savage we all love from the books, and Draco as the finnicky, cunning, ambitious ministry worker is unbelievably well written. The hilarity of the story in no way whatsoever results in any ooc actions or dialogue.  

In conclusion: If you’ve bean wheating flour a fic that makes you artiCHOKE from laughter, you shallot wait any longer.  

[drarryspecificrecs]

H/D Career Fair 2009 : (fics only)

hd-fan-fair || official masterpost || AO3 || ∑= 71 fics + 13 arts The Mods : @marguerite26, @vaysh11 + Banner © : Heathen

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★ Occupational roundup

The Adventures of Harry Potter, Pervert and Draco Malfoy, Porn Star (Un-Cut) by okydoky [E, 16k] Harry: Pervert | Draco: Porn star

All Around the Limbo World by nolagal [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Nanny | Draco: Train to Heaven Conductor

All That Remains by @lordhellebore [M, 21k] Harry: Veteran | Draco: Volunteer worker

Along The River by @joanwaterhouse [M, 2k] Harry: Raft guide | Draco: Kayak freestyler

ASSassSINs by hogwartsvixxxen [E, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Assassin | Draco: Assassin

Behind The Façade by scarletladyy [T, 3k] Harry: Family law attorney | Draco: Family law attorney

Bewitching Baubles by cokeacola2006 [M, 7k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Toy maker | Draco: Malfoy heir

Blood and Brimstone by calanthe_fics [E, 42k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Inquisitor | Draco: Prodigal

The Boy Who Baked by @cassieblack [T, 9k] Harry: Baker | Draco: Accountant

A Change of Career by AylaPascal [E, 6k] Harry: Undercover security | Draco: Minister for Magic

Concerto for Two Voices by sevillagranada [E, 7k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Conductor | Draco: Violinist

Distraction by ebethfic [E, 6k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Building contractor | Draco: Politician

Don’t Let’s Stop or The Case of the Dead Philandering Politician (A Draco Malfoy Mystery) by i_l0ve_my_az [?, 15k] Harry: Special agent | Draco: Forensic analyst

Draconis' Dancer by quill_lumos [E, 14k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Jockey | Draco: Horse owner

Drink Up Thy Zider: A South Hams Pomona by wemyss [T, 40k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Cider maker | Draco: Banker

Fashion and Politics by kafka_lee [G, 2k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Fashion victim | Draco: Stylist

Forbidden Magic by @pandoras-chaos [E, 4k] Harry: Homemaker/Stay-at-home dad | Draco: Gay porn writer

Girls Aloud are Hazardous to your Health by azicrow [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Detective inspector | Draco: Forensic analyst

Greeting Expectations by mahaliem [M, 16k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Private detective | Draco: Greeting card writer

Heavenly Bodies by leo_draconis [E, 12k]   *not on AO3 Harry: DADA textbook author | Draco: Wizard entertainer

History of the War by Winnett [M, 21k] Harry: Pirate captain | Draco: Pacifist

The Homestead by mayberry_rose [M, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Minister for Magic | Draco: Nurse

The House that Harry Built by fantasyfruitbat [E, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Architect | Draco: Golddigger

Hunting by androidiordna [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Dark-Mark hunter | Draco: Apprentice Death-Eater hunter

Immovable Unspeakable meets Irresistible Hit Wizard by @alis-anne [E, 11k] Harry: Unspeakable | Draco: Hit wizard

In Need of Repair by penguin474 [T, 8k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Writer | Draco: Car mechanic

In The Same Boat by tomatoe18 [E, 21k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Bookstore manager | Draco: Bookstore owner

In the Stream by musamihi [T, 11k] Harry: Ministry reformer | Draco: Seer

Incarnate by cleodoxa [E, 16k] Harry: Stand-in Death | Draco: Death's first victim

Incidental Charms by @marguerite26 [E, 11k] Harry: Para investigator | Draco: Inventor of Daydream Charms

It’s a Dirty Job by fireflavored [E, 9k] Harry: Rich | Draco: Chimney sweep

Light as Iron, Singed as Pearl by Snegurochka [E, 13k] Harry: Commissioner | Draco: Club owner

Like the Fire in My Blood by dm_p [M, 3k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Gay club owner | Draco: Drag queen

The List by Tari_Sue [E, 21k] Harry: Restaurant owner | Draco: Prospective bridegroom

Little Red Courgette by @blamebrampton [T, 31k] Harry: Cartoonist | Draco: Assistant junior under-secretary

Malfoy-Potter Inc. by silva_draconis [T, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Sex educator | Draco: Sex Ed material publisher

A Matter of PreText, ConText, and Misconceptions by laciudad [E, 15k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Pervert | Draco: Sex deviant counselor

A New Beginning by sirenwater [E, 2k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Fluffer | Draco: Gay porn star

No Animagi, No Polyjuice, No Sparkling Vampires by Leela [E, 11k] Harry: Pub owner | Draco: Painter

Normal Does It by lotus_lizzy [E, 26k] Harry: Captain | Draco: Druidic warrior

Nudged in the Right Direction by explosionkaboom [G, 12k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Failed Auror | Draco: Weasleys Wizard Wheezes salesperson

Over My Dead Body by cyane_snape [E, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Mortician | Draco: Dead body

P.S. I know you by smirking_muse [T, 7k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Romance reader | Draco: Romance writer

Paint It Black by melly_diamond [M, 6k] Harry: Fanboy | Draco: Rock star

Pint-Sized Surprises (or Lily Potter is a Pint-Sized Sherlock Holmes) by dadomz [T, 17k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Photographer | Draco: Pastry baker

The Poetry of Fragments by olimakiella [E, 20k] Harry: Major | Draco: Librarian

Pomegranate by treacle_tartlet [E, 14k] Harry: Critic | Draco: Chef

Public Affairs by hereticalvision [T, 17k] Harry: Lawyer | Draco: Lawyer

Punch Lines by alovelycupoftea [T, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Comedian | Draco: Comedian

The Quirks of Wizarding Dentistry by bgreenwivy [E, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Duelist | Draco: Dentist

The Real Thing by Rickey [E, 16k] Harry: Wandmaker | Draco: Fantasy broker

Reasonable Adjustments by wench_fics [E, 16k] Harry: Retired | Draco: Duelist

Renovations by @dysonrules [E, 18k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Handyman | Draco: Recluse

Respect your Editors by calembours [T, 4k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Ice-cream vendor | Draco: Advertiser

The Road to Hell by Starpleiades [M, 10k] Harry: Lobbyist | Draco: Prostitute

Scratching the Itch by tray_la_la [E, 10k] Harry: Model | Draco: Model agency owner

Shutter by CariadWinter & Dark_Labyrinth [E, 24k] Harry: Nature photographer | Draco: Architect

Silhouettes in Sunsets by @potteresque-ire [T, 22k] Harry: Owner of Hedwig's Owl Emporium | Draco: Accountant & Luthier

Small Blessings by @dianacopland [M, 37k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Orphanage dad | Draco: Men's loungewear designer

Space Wank Continuum by fat_teaspoon [E, 9k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Muggle relations liaison | Draco: Ward designer

Strangeways, Here We Come by shaun84 [T, 8k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Music journalist | Draco: Bartender

Stray Pucks by enchanted_jae [G, 2k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Ice hockey player! | Draco: Candy floss peddler

Stories from America by b00kaddict [M, 17k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Tropical fish breeder | Draco: Freelance journalist

Sweatin' to the Voldies by commas_and_ampersands [E, 24k] Harry: Unemployed | Draco: Gym owner/Personal fitness coach

The Toad's Hollow School by @sassy-cissa [G, 3k] Harry: Nursery school teacher | Draco: School administrator

Venus' Nipples by faynia [T, 10k] Harry: Private investigator | Draco: Chocolatier

War of the Roses, Not to Mention Lilies, Tulips, Lotuses, Lavender, and Ginger Flowers by @noeeon [E, 6k] Harry: Flower procurer | Draco: Wedding wrecker

The Way To a Man’s Heart (How Malfoy’s Bon Bites Became Britain’s First Vegetarian Wizarding Restaurant, Almost) by @catzintheattic [T, 23k] Harry: Health inspector | Draco: Chef

When the Clocks Stopped by @vaysh11 [E, 30k] Harry: Curse-breaker | Draco: Arithmancer/Time master

World on Fire by b00kaddict [M, 15k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Therapist | Draco: Firefighter

Wrong Side of Dead by sirra_scribbles [M, 30k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Scout/Soldier | Draco: Model member of the Force

You Can Have Me However You Like Me, Sir by lovesmymovement [T, 5k]   *not on AO3 Harry: Second assistant | Draco: Fashion magazine editor-in-chief

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✔ other lists

[wetassdrarry]

Drarry + Non-explicit Intimacy

in which there might be kissing, but no other sex acts are described

A Dented Old Street Sign by orphanghost (27k)

All Roads Lead Home by dracogotgame (15k)

And So Death Took by ICMezzo (25k)

A Room Up There (And You In It) by thestarryknight (59k)

Away Childish Things by lettered (153k)

A Young Radical’s Guide to Love by blamebrampton (66k)

But That’s History by ebbet (54k)

Dating Draco Malfoy by QueenofThyme (47k)

Dear Enemy by GingerTodgers (69k)

Draco Malfoy’s Worst Christmas Ever (It’s All Harry Potter’s Fault) by coffeejunkii (11k)

Erosmancy by astolat (11k)

Failed Application of Thought by RuArcher (67k)

Faint Indirections by ignatiustrout (29k)

fly like paper, high like planes by harryromper (47k)

Forget Our Heritage by dwell_the_brave (15k)

head over heels by derekmaliknurse (21k)

Hermione Granger’s Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by waspabi (93k)

How We Throw Our Shadows Down by thistle_verse (14k)

Like Diamonds We Are Cut With Our Own Dust by raitala (10k)

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton (31k)

Only For The Lucky by SunseticMonster (63k)

Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it) by fluxweed and lastontheboat (10k)

Purity Control by yrfrndfrnkly (28k)

Tell Me the End at the Beginning by harryromper (36k)

The Pure and Simple Truth by lettered (65k)

To Hurt and Heal by cassisluna (21k)

Find your flavor