#lives and trying to expand their social groups when for so long it’s just been them against the world

[cryptidwizard]

i feel the turtle fixation creeping back up

[indigosunsetao3]

Older CIA Alex

NSFW | 18+ | Age gap/dad's employee/forbidden

Perspective: Female reader

We're going to work this like Ex-Husband Price where I expand on things here and there. I just had to get this listed out.

So much for 'next few days'. I swear these ideas will eat me alive if I don't write them out.

OCIA!Alex - Was in your father's office when you walked in to meet him for lunch. He rose from his chair the moment you entered, a sign of respect and also that he would be leaving. You give him a small smile which he returns before slipping out the door.

OCIA!Alex - Casually asks your dad about you, and how the lunch went, when he returns from an overseas mission weeks later. It's not very out of place, Alex is an observant man, but the fact it was over a month later and he recalled where you went to lunch together struck your dad as interesting.

OCIA!Alex - Accepts your father's offer to join a few of the group for dinner. Your father always extended the invite to his whole team which Alex declined each time with an excuse. Except this time when he finds out, you'll also be at this dinner. Your father questions his sudden change of heart to which Alex answers charity is important.

OCIA!Alex - Is careful to make sure he is seated next to you at the charity gala. He's in his dress blues looking polished and the attention he pays you has you flustered. All evening he keeps you engaged in conversation, pulls out your chair for you, and makes sure your glass is never empty. In an effort to make a friend you give Alex your number as if he didn't already have it, and your social media accounts, saved in one of his burners after a bit of digging so he could learn more about you. Your father notices the friendly exchanges and makes sure to have a conversation with his subordinate. (Lunch and Dinner Date can be found here)

OCIA!Alex - Barely bats an eye at the fact you are almost twelve years younger than him. What's age really when you were both adults? He's even less phased by the fact your father lets him know you're fresh out of a long-term relationship which is why you were living with him for the time being. That explains why Alex hadn't seen you before and why you subconsciously ran your thumb over your ring finger all evening to play with a ring that was no longer there. Your father warns him, in a casual but firm tone, that you are off limits; he kept family and work separate for a reason. Alex assures him he was just being friendly, Sir.

OCIA!Alex - Volunteers to assist you in moving to your new apartment in exchange for a couple of beers. You texted him out of desperation, no friends in town, and your father is not the young man he used to be. It was the first time you had messaged him, he had been waiting none too patiently. Alex agrees, he's got the time and it's an excuse to see you again. Your father would have been more suspicious of this if he wasn't relieved to not be the only person lugging your furniture up three flights of stairs. (Move In Day can be found here)

OCIA!Alex - Swings by when you send him a message at one in the morning that the AC unit is on the fritz. The landlord didn't deem it an emergency and your father was out of town. The apartment is beyond sweltering and there isn't even a breeze to help. It was more of a venting session, you had been talking more often via text through the past couple of weeks, but Alex takes it upon himself to give you a hand.

OCIA!Alex - Fixes the unit enough that it's at least blowing semi-cool air. He insists on hanging around to make sure it doesn't go out again, promising it's not a problem. "Too hot to try and sleep without some air." You offer him some leftover pizza before joining him on the couch, a good distance away because it's too hot. Yet somehow you end up with your feet resting in his lap and his fingers massaging out the soreness from wearing heels all day.

OCIA!Alex - Texts you even when he's gone overseas. He's polite in his timing, making sure he doesn't disturb you when you should be sleeping or at work. You are less restrained, finding you stare at the phone waiting for the next message like an impatient teenager. You tell yourself it's because he's the only real friend you've got around and it's lonely when he's gone. Then when he sends you an audio message you nearly fall out of your chair listening to his silky smooth voice as he tells you about his day.

OCIA!Alex - Smirks to himself in his bunk at night when you start sending him pictures. Innocent ones of course. Things you saw on your walk, sighing in frustration at another video meeting at work, the dinner you made (and didn't burn!), and the weird neighbor downstairs who only checks her mail at night. But then a not so innocent one pops on his phone after you've had a few glasses of wine.

OCIA!Alex - Avoids your father's questions as he tries to probe and see just what your relationship is. He had tried you when he saw your phone buzz with a text from Alex when he stopped by. You maintained you were just friends, that Alex was a nice guy but too old for you. That was, if friends sent lingerie and shower pictures to one another...and instructed the other just what to do when they were feeling particularly needy and lonely.

OCIA!Alex - Doesn't let your dad know he took a flight back two days early, and neither do you. He barely makes it into your apartment before you jump him and insist the uniform stays on. Those two extra days are spent solely at your apartment before Alex reports back to your dad, who is none the wiser. Even if Alex has hickeys all over his neck and his clothes reek of your perfume.

OCIA!Alex - Has to play nice when your father has an award ceremony and he insists you meet a few of his friend's sons. Your father determined you've been alone for too long, not enough friends, and is trying to get you back out there. He doesn't see Alex staring down each man as if they are his next target. Nor does he see the two of you slip away before his speech.

OCIA!Alex - Is unimpressed when you start spending time with others, men your own age in particular. You insist it's to keep your dad's suspicions away because he's been asking very leading questions, he's not dumb. And also, you had both agreed that whatever this was it was only a hookup, no commitment. Alex had his job and you wouldn't risk your father's ire.

OCIA!Alex - Agrees, two can play this game. He starts making some other 'friends' of his own and grins as he notices the worry in your tone that he's turned the tables. Jealously is a young person's game and he knows exactly how he feels about you, it's just getting you to admit it yourself. Your father seems a bit more relaxed that the two of you seem to spending less time together.

OCIA!Alex - Is sent out on a particularly long assignment in Europe. After three weeks of being gone and radio silent he knows he won this battle of wills when he gets a notification of an airfare purchase. He's hardly shocked to find you waiting outside of his hotel room he booked under his fake name. You are your father's daughter after all.

OCIA!Alex - Tells you to let him worry about your father as you lay sprawled on top of him. He's dealt with bigger issues from smaller targets before. You attempt to talk about it more but he silences you as he rolls you under him.

OCIA!Alex - Has a conversation with your father. (We're not going to give away the ending here 😉)

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: Self Care Advice

Disclaimer: this is not about self care in terms of skincare and the like, this is about improving your overall well being. Tarot readings are not replacements for professional advice. Take what resonates; don’t force a reading to fit. In this reading I used the Alice in Wonderland Oracle, Zerner-Farber tarot, Tarot of Mystical Moments, the Oracle of the Radiant Sun, and a recolored Smith-Waite.

pile 1‣pile 2 pile 3‣pile 4

𓆸

Pile 1: 

Cards: Curioser and Curioser rx, wheel of fortune, temperance rx, Organization (Mercury in Capricorn, 10th house), Dagaz rune|| I Wonder What Will Happen, Impossible Things, You Are Rare and Free, Optimism (Moon in Sagittarius, 9th house), five of swords, ace of wands, Uruz rune

Current State of Self Care: hello pile one! It seems like you guys really like routine. You do similar things everyday or when you practice self care, and this helps you stay on track and organize your thoughts. It’s comfortable, and you’re not too enthusiastic about exploring things that get in the way of this routine. I feel like this pile really likes spending time with animals and nature (some of you are farmers or gardeners), and you might feel disinterested with people and their “strange” activities as a whole. I also feel like you guys really like to do things during the day when the Sun is up. People might invite you out in the evening or night—maybe to casinos or clubs—but you’d rather not. You might prefer to do things alone, or to just spend your free time really peacefully instead of doing something that requires a lot of social energy. Totally understandable! However, there’s a feeling that rigidity or sameness is causing imbalance when it comes to other areas of your life.

Self Care Advice: you guys are encouraged to try new things that fall in line with your individuality. A large part of why this pile likes to stick to the familiar is because of past experiences when trying new things with others. I feel like you’ve tried to step outside your comfort zone before; you’ve been roped into the family vacations or group activities you didn’t want to do and it didn’t go well. Some of you have trouble meshing with the other people in your lives. So, instead of continuously ending up in uncomfortable situations, you’ve stuck to yourself and what you know. I see some of you feel limited due to your health or physical ability? However, there are things you can do in your home or in solitude to expand your world. Perhaps, you could try at-home hobbies, such as crochet. I see a lot of you would really enjoy solo travel. If you want to socialize, maybe you can do something chill with just one friend instead of 5, or do something online (an online event?). You guys have a sense of disbelief when it comes to new things, thinking if it can go wrong it will. But both great experiences and lessons come out of the unknown. You’re encouraged to allow yourself curiosity without compromising on your boundaries.

Extra Details: environmental activism, walking through the forest/woods (some of you that believe in God feel most connected to Them in nature), pet dog (a black one, red collar?), tea (some of you might really enjoy trying new teas? Or reading tea leaves), international travel, homebody, small house, lives with parents but isn’t close to them, stuffed animals, recent graduation, eagles, video call meetups/events

𓆸

Pile 2: 

Cards: You are Rare and Free, Falling, Mortality, the moon rx, Exaltation (Moon in Taurus, 2nd house)|| Gebo rune, seven of wands rx, You are Rare and Free (again), Uncertainty, Impossible Things, the hierophant

Current State of Self Care: hello pile two! You guys came through with a very YOLO attitude; “I’m here for a good time not a long time.” You guys are hyper aware that you have a limited amount of time to experience this life and try to practice self care by living accordingly. This pile might like to do very experimental or impulsive things. Things that others are afraid of like zip lining or skydiving. Or, you might make decisions that others perceive as careless, like traveling on a random whim or suddenly moving. Many of you have already experienced living a limited life, or watched someone else spend their life without ever doing what they really wanted. You’d rather make security where you go and find what makes you happy instead of having external security with regret. 

Self Care Advice: a lot of you use a super-free and independent lifestyle (or mindset) as a defense mechanism. The less attachments you have, the less chance to be hurt or stifled. You have a lot of fun chasing freedom, but I’m getting that you do it to the point where it’s not fun anymore. I sense a curious energy towards some kind of attachment; maybe you’re interested in what it would be like to be in a committed relationship, to move somewhere permanently, or to get a job that would require you to be more stationary. Some of you view spontaneity and freedom as a way to get the most of what you want while giving the least. But in truth, no matter what we do we exchange something. If you are always doing something new, you exchange possibilities that can only come from being still. And when you don't do new things, you exchange opportunities to explore. You’re being called to care for yourself by sitting down and deciding what you’re really drawn to. Maybe you don’t think you could be happy unless you adhere to your current lifestyle—like this is how you can protect yourself. There are many possibilities outside of current habits that can bring joy. Your energy reminds me of Sandy from Spongebob when she’s trying to do every extreme activity she can before she has to hibernate. You are not being asked to compromise who you are (the cards strongly emphasize that your uniqueness is amazing!), but instead to be open to what your soul is calling for—even if you’re not sure how it will go. The cards also emphasized your security ultimately comes from -you-, not the world around you. 

An extra message wanted to come out with the king of pentacles, strength rx, and queen of cups: you’re prompted to be vulnerable with your feelings! You’re encouraged to face fears and apprehensions so you can emotionally appreciate your blessings. And as a lot of you are in relationships, this includes vulnerability with the other people (or person). Examine what in your life has made you feel the way you do today, and if it’s necessary to bring these mindsets forward. Your extra advice is to be real with yourself and know you have the strength and courage to express yourself authentically.

Extra Details: experiencing death of loved ones at a young age, feeling life is unfair or you have to make your own fairness, revenge or vigilante mindset, you might feel like you’re on a timer? Anxieties about health, confident demeanor but anxious inside, wanting to settle down, being at crossroads, feeling really ready for something, being in nature or gardening (tomatoes?), you could write a lot of movie reviews or fanfiction?, you could also write fantasy stories, environmental or social justice, catching feelings for a casual partner is significant for some of you (aww it feels like they give you butterflies :] )

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Pile 3: 

Cards: Use Your Time Well, Curioser and Curiouser, Nonsense!, I Wonder What Will Happen Next, Ace of Swords, Mortality rx|| Clock time, Acquisition (Sun in Taurus, 2nd house), Flirtation (Venus in Sagittarius, 9th house), Bluff (Jupiter in Gemini, 3rd house), the hierophant rx, Protection (Moon in Aries, 1st house), three of hearts rx, the chariot rx, Berkano rune

Current State of Self Care: hello pile three! I feel like your self care right now is not what most people consider self care. Your cards emphasize being in a period of life that’s closing or feeling like you soon have to make a decision about something. You’re trying to get serious with yourself so that you’re able to transition into the next chapter. This is manifesting as more thought-based activities like researching, studying, meditating, brainstorming, and the like. You’re organizing your thoughts and trying to be informed for whatever is approaching you (for some this is literal with final exams coming up). I did get this stifled, antsy feeling when I connected to your energy; you might feel overwhelmed with your own brainstorming or with reality. Many of you are comforting yourself by dragging through this phase. You may keep telling yourself you have a lot of time or that you can do something later, so you keep procrastinating and lengthening the process.

Self Care Advice: you’re being called to be realistic with your time pile 3. I think you’ve enjoyed toying or flirting with ideas and not committing—and for a chunk of you this is literally about stringing someone along. What would be beneficial now is a re-evaluation of how you’re allocating time and energy. Eventually procrastination does become harmful—especially if other people are involved. I don’t feel this is necessarily the case for most yet; I see you've been able to bluff your way through life and take it day by day. But the time is coming where you’ll have to choose a path to take. I see many of you getting overwhelmed due to a lack of support and guidance. You might be surrounded by people who make you feel more confused, either because they can’t help you or because their advice doesn’t resonate with you. Some of you aren’t actually as unsure as you come across. You may be drawn to something already but it feels unconventional, and this instills doubt in you (or you might be afraid of financial instability too?). Whatever your situation is, protecting your energy will be helpful. When you feel pressure, you can redirect this into productivity instead of procrastination. You may have to draw back your energy from draining sources to better channel it into yourself. This includes protecting yourself from being swayed by what is not authentic to you. Even though you feel the weight of your life upon you, know that taking one path doesn’t mean you have to walk it forever. A very specific note for some people in this pile is that there are better ways to protect your feelings and vulnerability in relationships than just ignoring important conversations!

Extra Details: Northern US (New England or close to the Canadian Border), graduating, final exams, researching real estate for a move, this is so random but you might like catching or eating crab? You might’ve played a browser game called Catch a Crab bc that’s what popped in my head 😭, or you might feel nostalgic about your youth—wanting life to freeze forever. Maine, Orlando, Louisiana, feeling insecure, eating muShrooms, a new phase of life, not telling your plans to everyone, plants and plant medicine are very specific for this pile. Spending time in nature—with trees specifically, being more in love than you admit (waay more lol), wanting to be a musician, listening to ariana grande, liking someone with blue eyes. Wanting to move with a partner, unhelpful advice from parents/guardians, procrastinating study sessions

𓆸

Pile 4: 

Cards: Falling, It’s Always Teatime, King of Swords, Elk rune, six of swords rx, the empress rx|| Messages for a Rabbit, Set Your Course, death rx, I Wonder What Will Happen Next, seven of swords

Current State of Self Care: hi pile four! This pile’s goal is to cope with the lack of control over their life. There’s a sense of feeling stuck in a free fall where you’re constantly pushed around by crazy, external forces. There could be a sense of repetitiveness too. For example, maybe you go to school or a job everyday, but there’s always an extreme deadline to meet. Or when you’re finally getting a grip on the last major life event, another one barrels you over. It seems like you’re constantly in a reactive state or tower moment. To cope, you might like to engage in the same things repeatedly for comfort. I’m also getting this pile might like to read up on their interests a lot in their free time; there’s emphasis on mental activities. You’re quite aware you need to balance constant stress with self care, but physically taking care of yourself may be difficult. For example, knowing you need extra sleep, healthy food, or exercise, but feeling like these are outside your capacity. Some of you may be drawn to pile 1; there’s very similar themes and details.

Self Care Advice: first of all, if you have pets, you’re encouraged to spend time destressing and cuddling with them as self care. But your main advice here is to plan. You may currently be in a space where it’s not easy to go and do new things. So, use this time to really lay out what you want. Don’t let yourself be discouraged by your current restraints. Think about what in your life you’d remove if you had the chance, and what you would pursue if you could. Writing it down could be helpful. This way, even if you can’t currently obtain those things, you’ll be ready if an opportunity comes your way. Instead of ruminating over whether you should or shouldn’t and miss it, you’ll know which path in the crossroads to take because you’ve done most of the thinking. Many of you may also feel tied down by people or duties around you. You’re being reminded that you don’t have to let everyone know your every plan. It’s easy to be influenced when you’re already under stress—or literally controlled by others. It’s ok to keep your thoughts to yourself or protect your future wishes from those who aren’t aligned with you. If you’re in a tough spot, maybe you have to do this planning kind of on the secret side. For example, if you’re trying to escape a family situation, maybe be extra careful about browser history if you choose to research at home. Overall, you’re being asked to think, plan, and be smart with your current situation and resources.

Extra Details: special interests, neurodivergence, executive dysfunction, some of you experienced several huge shifts in life or family one right after the other, Europe, church (mainly getting Roman Catholic), stuffed animals, feeling controlled by family or society (perhaps being pressured to perform traditional gender roles), Australian accent, animals as signs, a pet or multiple, wanting a humanitarian or environmental job. You may feel like your life has been the opposite of a fairytale, like Cinderella with no ball or carriage. Social isolation. Some of y’all really like fanfiction lool

𓆸

[anim-ttrpgs]

The Eureka September Patreon update is live!

This might be another one of our biggest updates yet, with a pretty big changelog below! You can get this update right now by subscribing to our patreon, but itchio beta fans may have to wait a few more weeks or a month. The itchio beta won’t be updating until I finish the complete monster overhaul which could take a while.

Also a reminder for those who are a fan of our TTRPG Book Club, once we reach our patreon milestone of $310/month, we will be upgrading and expanding the book club to cover more types of RPGs, including one-page RPGs and GMless RPGs! At the time of writing this, we are at $298/310! Almost there!

For those of you who don’t want to read the whole changelog just yet, some highlights include:

THE GORGON IS NOW COMPLETE AND FULLY PLAYABLE!

Complete overhaul of the vampire

Complete overhaul of the wolfman

Overhaul and improvement of injury mechanics

Overhaul and improvement of almost every Trait in the game

TONS OF NEW ART!

Full changelog below

CHANGE LOG 

Copy-editing Progress: Thoroughly copy-edited up to p. 194.

WHOLE BOOK

Stuck most of the $42+ kickstarter backer submission info into the very back of the book just to get it out of our email inbox and to allow the whole team to be able to more easily see it and work with it. Going to be doing more to integrate this stuff into the actual rulebook soon. 

CHAPTER 1

Changed the limitations on how Comfort is used to restore investigator Composure. 

Fixed a typo in the investigation example of play. 

Made it so that Composure rolls for fears in the “Ridiculous” category don’t even always need to be rolled when these things are encountered. 

Moved Character Health and Status, Grievous Wounds, Healing, and Healing Example sections to Chapter 1. 

Changed Partial Incapacitation to give -2 modifiers instead of -1. 

Overhauled the rules for injuries, incapacitation, and grievous wounds completely. A ton of it is changed. 

Added codified rules for medical facilities and what to do in the case of investigator death. 

Added “The Creeps” optional rule. 

Tweak to When is the Party “Split” section regarding how long to go before jumping between groups.

Lots of new art has been added.

Tweaks to Be Prepared to Lose section.

CHAPTER 2

Changed the CQC skill to Close Combat, as this is more clear and obvious what that means at a glance

Made lots of copy-editing progress. Many paragraphs are shorter and convey the rules more clearly. 

Changed the way the Burnout Trait works. It now causes the investigator to lose flat Composure each day rather than affecting their Composure rolls. 

Changed the Death Wish Trait to not suck.

Changed the Elementary! Trait to use Visual Calculus instead of Social Cues.

Changed Go With Your Gut Trait to not suck. 

Added that wallets and like basic clothing and stuff have a WP cost of 0

Added glasses to item list

Added rope to item list

Added hand warmers to item list

Changed Arithmomania trait to where it only gives a +1 base bonus to Paperwork, and the bonus for having a lower Ignorance of Quantity Tiers of Fear rating is more investigation points. 

Changed Femme Fatale to add a +1 Seduce bonus instead of +2. 

Totally redid the Hardy Trait. 

Added -1 modifier to I’m Okay You’re Okay Trait

Redid the Just Built Different Trait. Now it allows a character “no sell” an incoming Superficial Damage attack once per Scene, reducing the damage to 0, among a few other things. 

Added Renaissance Man Trait. 

Removed Love Me Trait. Might try to reword it another time, but it was too similar to too many other traits and wasn't very interesting. 

Completely reworked Lover Trait. 

Many new snoops have been added.

Changed the Mad Genius trait to be called Lovecraft Protagonist and changed what it does. 

Removed the investigation point cap on Man of Action Trait. Also changed the name to Ask Questions Later. 

Changed My Glasses Trait to only provide bonuses to Knowledge Skill Investigative Rolls. 

Changed Nightstalker Trait so that it provides a bonus to all Interpersonal Rolls while trespassing 

Changed None of My Business Trait to suck less.

Changed Not Finished Yet Trait to suck less.

Changed Showboater Trait to suck less.

Changed Skeptic Trait to suck less.

Smalls is now a real Trait instead of just a joke Trait. 

Removed the +1 Bonus from the Unpredictable Trait.

Changed Wicked Trait to not suck. 

Changed Wizened Trait to suck less. 

Woo-Woo Trait no-longer based on Blacked Out Skill. 

Moved “Deadly Combat, Permanent Consequences” here and changed the title to “Disabilities are Disabling”

Changed Basic Physical Therapy on the Wealth Point Item List from 3WP to 2WP. 

Added new section “People Change”

Made Blissfully Ignorant trait immune to “The Creeps.”

Made the Technically… Trait have a +2 bonus instead of +1.

Updated the Hard Boiled Trait to work with the new way that injuries and incapacitation works.

Moved the Hardened Hearts snoop to be the Wicked snoop instead. 

Changed “Empath” Trait to be “Empathetic” instead. 

Made “Did You Know…” a better and more usable Trait

Made Hard Under Pressure a better and more usable Trait.

Changed how the WP cost of an item affects the modifier for rolling for it in-adventure. The modifier is now half the WP cost rounded down. 

CHAPTER 3

Moved the section “Deadly Combat, Permanent Consequences” into chapter 2. 

More art has been added.

Moved Character Health and Status, Grievous Wounds, Healing, and Healing Example sections to Chapter 1. 

CHAPTER 4

More art added

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

The Blacked Out Skill has been changed in two major ways. First we made it more obvious that the Blacked Out Skill applies even to knowledge of the supernatural that is not necessarily true. And also rather than working the way that every other Knowledge skill works, the Blacked Out Skill now gives leads to where answers might be found rather than immediate concrete answers. 

THE GORGON IS FINISHED AND FULLY PLAYABLE!

Added that Alt. Witches have to make their supernatural ability composure rolls at +0 instead of +3. The +3 was a typo.

Started work on the complete monster overhaul.

Vampires have been completely rewritten. Most of their abilities and themes are the same, but the way the abilities work has been overhauled and improved in many cases, as well as now being formatted and structured in a sane and easily-referenceable way. 

More art has been added. 

Changed the +2 Contextual Close Combat bonus for the Werewolf Trait to a +1 Base Bonus

Wolfmen have been completely rewritten. Most of their abilities and themes are the same, but the way the abilities work has been overhauled and improved in many cases, as well as now being formatted and structured in a sane and easily-referenceable way. 

Fairytale Witch is currently being rewritten/overhauled. 

Changed Incredible Strength Mage Trait to have a +2 Close Combat bonus instead of +3.

Elegantly designed and thoroughly playtested, Eureka represents the culmination of three years of near-daily work from our team, as well as a lot of our own money. If you’re just now reading this and learning about Eureka for the first time, you missed the crowdfunding window unfortunately, but you can still check out the public beta on itch.io to learn more about what Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy actually is, as that is where we have all the fancy art assets, the animated trailer, links to video reviews by podcasts and youtubers, etc.!

You can also follow updates on our Kickstarter page where we post regular updates on the status of our progress finishing the game and getting it ready for final release.

Beta Copies through the Patreon

If you want more, you can download regularly updated playable beta versions of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy earlier, plus extra content such as adventure modules by subscribing to our Patreon at the $5 tier or higher. Subscribing to our patreon also grants you access to our patreon discord server where you can talk to us directly and offer valuable feedback on our progress and projects.

The A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club

If you would like to meet the A.N.I.M. team and even have a chance to play Eureka with us, you can join the A.N.I.M. TTRPG Book Club discord server. It’s also just a great place to talk and discuss TTRPGs, so there is no schedule obligation, but the main purpose of it is to nominate, vote on, then read, discuss, and play different indie TTRPGs. We put playgroups together based on scheduling compatibility, so it’s all extremely flexible. This is a free discord server, separate from our patreon exclusive one. https://discord.gg/7jdP8FBPes

Other Stuff

We also have a ko-fi and merchandise if you just wanna give us more money for any reason.

We hope to see you there, and that you will help our dreams come true and launch our careers as indie TTRPG developers with a bang by getting us to our base goal and blowing those stretch goals out of the water, and fight back against WotC's monopoly on the entire hobby. Wish us luck.

[neonscandal]

9 Anime to Watch to Feel Like This 👇🏾

I love how long it's been since I've done any rec's lists before pushing two new ones out. Since my blog tends to have a bit of a reputation, this one felt necessary. In no way is this an exhaustive list, but if you're looking for some LGBTQIA+ representation this month, consider tuning into any of the below. While shonen ai and yuri will of course have representation, I tried to focus on mainstream stories where possible with characters that tackle their identity or where it's not necessarily a plot point but simply a recognized component of who they are. Bonus manga recommendations at the end! Happy Pride, beloveds. ✨

Zombieland Saga (series) - Something, something about stars burning brightest not lasting as long. This is the story of an idol group of zombies who were inexplicably resurrected to bring attention and culture back to the Saga prefecture. Enter Franchouchou forged by starlets who'd died far too young, seeming victims of some unspoken curse. Follow along as each of the girls reconcile the loose ends of their human lives while making the best of their second chance at stardom. ✨

Sub/Dub | Crunchyroll

Blue Period (series) - Who you are isn't something that's readily apparent especially in your teenage years. For Yaguchi, he starts a bit behind the curve realizing in his junior year that he wants to pursue art. While the story centers around his journey to catch up with his peers, there's an element of self exploration and vulnerability that he can't quite tackle alone.

Sub/Dub | Netflix

Komi Can't Communicate (series) - Arguably the first slice of life romance to hit the list but the character who inspires the series' inclusion is not involved. This is the story of a girl trying to overcome crippling social anxiety and the boy who patiently helps to expand her social circle (even though the girl's actually really popular??). Yea, it's one of those shows. While I haven't specifically tried to out characters in describing recommendations, I included this show specifically for Najimi Osana who, while their sexuality is not particularly explored, still has very Be Gay, Do Crime energy with the way they are always looking for an ever so slightly sheisty angle. Like, good for you. The fact that they are also extremely popular and accepted by their millions of friends is just another reason to adore them.

Sub/Dub | Netflix

Ouran High School Host Club (series) - This particular throwback is a dicier inclusion than the last, namely because of the antiquated (and, at times, offensive) language that doesn't particularly hold up in a rewatch today. The show centers around a group of affluent "boys" who cater to the whims and fantasies of well connected girls at their high school. This frequently involves a bit of overdone fetishization of their own questionable sexualities and, while most of the gang is referred to as the "homosexual supporting cast", I can't dismiss the feeling that there is some earnest representation specifically with the lead that most of the hosts have a romantic soft spot for. It's a cult classic but undeniably outdated; however, I think, in the representation it does well, there is diversity. In what the series does poorly, it opens up dialogue especially for conversations people simply weren't having back when the show dropped.

Sub/Dub | Crunchyroll, Hulu

Sailor Moon (series) - Can't forget the OG. I think what, inherently, inspires the inclusion of Sailor Moon and OHSHC above is the fact that, even then, there were small rays of hope in media. How well or poorly it was executed goes to show the evolution of that representation. Spoilers but, for context, in the US, the couple above was censored and portrayed as unusually close cousins rather than romantic partners. Granted, there were a lot of other choices that were made back in the 90's that have since been corrected as the series has been remastered.

Sub/Dub | Hulu, Prime Video, Pluto TV

Ranma 1/2 (series + movies) - OKAY, I know I called Sailor Moon the OG but.. for all intents and purposes. Ranma 1/2 precedes even Sailor Moon. I would say the series, at times, may teeter a bit on whether the representation is positive or not but, I maintain that a significant portion of the cast is queer as hell. The series follows eponymous person of legend, Ranma Saotome, in a quest to become a "man amongst men" as though their life depends on it.

Sub/Dub | Hulu, Prime Video, Tubi

Stars Align (series) - While I think most of the above can be considered positive or negative representation, they are at least not trauma porn in nature. Enter: Stars Align, a moody coming of age story set as an underdog tennis club tries to defy all odds and avoid being disbanded. While I wouldn't classify this as trauma porn either, it does delve into some viscerally heavy topics while also tackling the act of Becoming for a group of young boys and what that can mean with a support system of unlikely peers.

Sub/Dub | Hulu, Crunchyroll

Wonder Egg Priority (series) - As we've departed to delve into darker themes, the premise of this show centers around teens who have dealt with instances of suicide and, subsequently, learning to stand up for themselves in real life (while violently battling it out in a dream world).

Sub/Dub | Crunchyroll

Jujutsu Kaisen (series + movie) - wholesome inclusion to remind you that you should never let your sexuality nor your gender identity stop you from pursuing world domination. Representation is equal opportunity and of little consequence to this story and, yet, considerably diverse for a shonen series. Don't get me wrong, it's a battle horror anime where kids are battling curses and plot armor is hard to come by so prepare to get your heart broken.

Sasaki and Miyano (series and movie) - There will never come a time where I don't recommend watching this series. Actually wholesome romcom wherein there's a patient level of acceptance and support as Miyano navigates the confusion of his feelings for a clingy senpai. Because there should be more unproblematic love stories in the world. 💕

Sub/Dub | Crunchryoll

BONUS MANGA

Is Love The Answer? by Uta Isaki, completed

While the main story focuses on a character navigating their way under the Ace Umbrella, the story features additional characters on their own journey of self discovery with resources for Questioning readers sprinkled throughout. It's also a great example of how broadening your media intake can create a better sense of understanding with who you are and how you identify with grace so you don't have to be so quick to label yourself.

The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't a Guy At All by Sumiko Arai, ongoing

Adorable story of opposites that find a middle ground together which drives home the idea that you should never judge a book by it's cover.

[thedreadvampy]

I think there's a huge gap in language when talking about British legislative and social racism bc some of the most overt and unchallenged legislative racism lately is against GRT people and a lot of countries (especially America) do not use the term GRT.

The G in GRT stands for Gypsy (using this bc it's as-self-described, like it's the term the British GRT community uses often) and bc this is for a lot of people exclusively a slur and bc it has a lot of historical weight, people will often object to use of the expanded acronym slash try to correct it to Roma or Rroma.

But the GRT community as a political class and as a group subject to racism includes, but is not synonymous with, Roma, cause it also includes Irish Travelers (who are another large nomadic minority ethnic group, aka Pavee), Scottish, English and Welsh Travelers (a mix of indigenous nomadic groups), and other nomadic peoples in Britain.

In some, but not all, contexts, GRT also includes non-ethnic nomadic communities: New Age Travelers (people living nomadic lifestyles by choice - full-time caravanners or van lifers), Bargees (people living full time in canal boats) and showmen (traveling funfairs and circuses). Not being a specific ethnicity, New Agers and Showmen have a different relationship to racism and marginalisation than Roma and Travelers (a settled Roma or Traveler family are still Roma or Traveler, it's not just a question of lifestyle and community) but obviously anti-Traveler legislation and bias harms everyone living nomadically.

I think (and I'm not GRT and my thoughts should be taken with a truckload of salt, I just feel like it's worth explaining what the terminology actually means) that a lot of the nuance around GRT identity is kind of lost in transnational discourse (particularly with Americans) because. the G bit of GRT has been used as a blanket term for hundreds of years to refer to multiple groups of nomadic peoples in Europe and so there are ethnocultural groups included under that term who aren't Roma but also are GRT and are racialised as GRT.

People racialised within the GRT community (as Roma or Travelers) experience way higher rates of social and economic exclusion than any other ethnogroups in the UK, including if they're settled (living in brick-and-mortar housing, which around 75% of people recorded as GRT do).

Both Roma and Traveler kids are systemically excluded from education (Gypsy/Roma kids are 6x more likely to be suspended from school and 7x as likely to be expelled than the national average, and Traveler kids aren't much better off (4x more likely than average to be suspended and 5x as likely to be expelled)). GRT people face systemic employment discrimination, being 6x more likely than average to be long term unemployed and 1/4 as likely to be offered high-level or management positions. GRT folk have the worst health outcomes of any ethnic group, and consistently report high levels of medical discrimination and trouble accessing healthcare. As a result, GRT infant mortality and maternal death is way higher than average, and GRT life expectancy is 10+ years shorter than average. GRT communities are disproportionately criminalised, settled GRT families have spoken often about having been treated as inherently suspicious on the basis of their ethnicity.

A lot of people write these issues off as being, like, a product of a nomadic/no-fixed-address lifestyle, but a) it's a problem with the system if our social care systems don't account for the fact that some people are nomadic, itinerant or have no fixed address. there is no reason why nomadic life needs to be more dangerous or excluded than settled. but also b) as stated a majority of GRT people included in these figures do have fixed addresses. it is just racism.

Homelessness is also a huge problem in the community, with many landowners refusing to rent land to Travellers, residential camping berths being oversubscribed by something like 10,000%, and significant difficulty accessing affordable housing. The land which is available to Traveling communities is increasingly ringfenced, often specifically with the intention of discouraging nomadic communities.

given that it is. racism. with an exceptionally long and brutal history of genocide, criminalisation and systemic social exclusion. it is also striking how often open, sometimes genocidal, racism against GRT people is handwaved or accepted as normal. anti-GRT legislation is explicitly passed on the regular. people are incredibly comfortable referring to all GRT people as thieves, scroungers, criminals and frauds. I have had literal circular mailings offering to "remove vermin, pests and Gypsies from your land." and yet calling this racism is often treated as an overstatement. Even though it's explicitly ethnically-driven bias, and has deeply entrenched social impacts affecting everyone racialised as GRT regardless of cultural behaviour or lifestyle.

anyway that's what GRT means, it stands for Gypsy/Roma/Traveller and it's an extremely underserved and marginalised racialised group in the UK and Europe. It includes Romani ethnic groups, but also includes non-Roma ethnic groups (like the Pavee) and Roma subgroups (like Sinti). They're united by a common experience of anti-nomadic racism, criminalisation and social exclusion and, as an aggregate group, are consistently among the most directly disadvantaged racial groups in the UK.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

since i’m aroace-spec, i prioritize platonic relationships over other forms of relationships. it’s just my personal preference. but i hate that i’m also socially inept. it’s hard to make friends or keep them (either because we don’t match or it’s awkward, i don’t know where to find people at least a little similar to me). with that being said, i only have one friend. the “problem” is that they started dating someone recently and while i am happy for them, i know that they’ll mostly talk to their partner instead. it already shows to a degree. now i feel lonely. i hate when people toss everything and everyone else away for their partner. i feel selfish for feeling this way but, why do people toss away other bits of their lives for one person? can you not find a balance? then i hate that i have a hard time making/finding friends.

Yeah, these situations can definitely be difficult. Sometimes when people do start relationships they go through a honeymoon phase where they're very into the new relationship, but usually that does come down after a while. So it possible as your friend will eventually stop being quite so obsessed with their new relationship. In the meantime though it is OK to ask them to still talk about other things as well sometimes too, your own feelings and what's going in with you matter too.

It's never a bad idea to try and expand your social circle a bit. It does sound like you've already tried, and it didn't work out very well. It may help a bit to look at making friends/expanding your circle as a skill. This is something you can work on, and you if you look around you will find good advice. My big advice though would be instead of trying to make new individual friends, try and find a community.

Finding or joining a community is usually a little less pressure, they'll be people you have built-in things in common, and you can often find community-wide support/social activities. Personally I've found a lot of my longer laster/deeper friendships have been people I've originally been in a community with.

So do you have any interests or hobbies? Or anything you've been interested in getting into? If you live in a big enough centre, there may be a community around it. Maybe you like knitting, or want to join a book club, or a hiking club. Maybe there's a LGBTQIA+ chapter or ace meetup near you. Maybe there's a community theatre that's looking for volunteers. Maybe you've always wanted to learn another language and there's classes available you can check out. The more you find something you really care about, the more it will also make it easier to connect with other people in the group. And just try not to be afraid to put yourself out there a bit and talk to people.

These are just a few ideas, but anything you're interested in is good, and if one group doesn't fit right it's OK to move on to the next one. You can also check your local library to see if they have events/advertisements for community things. Some local papers also have a section for that type of thing.

Finding other people you can spend time with will both make you feel less lonely and help remove the pressure from your current friendship which will probably help that friendship be stronger in the long run.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[star-going-supernova]

Hello! I hath returned after trying to figure out a new phone with another angsty type of verse!

Pivoting away from the utter horror of trying to identify the missing children, let's focus on the remifications of what it means for a grown woman to suddenly have a personality change and disappearing!

So Vanessa is has now been reported as missing a year after she's left and after a family wide realization that she was forced to leave. Realistically, they would have to identify what was in her vehicle and confirm that yes this her car and yes these are us in the photos along with giving blood samples to confirm that the blood in the driver's seat is hers. Depending on where she lived they would be looking in nearby cities for anyone who had been admitted into a hospital around the time she went missing and then expanding the search.

This is how they track her path and leads them to some of the states where she could have ended up in. Afton would have been smart enough to make sure whatever he did to her was taken care of properly by a doctor, if we're talking a strings verse type implant,and to change her appearance. This would make it difficult to identify her as her mother and siblings would be looking for people with bright colored hair and not the natural blonde that she actually was. Maybe he even made her cut her hair to a length that wouldn't be associated with her usual style. This where it would start to take a lot of time to pinpoint her last location.

In order rule out states her family would need to be in it for the long haul, which they are, but it would demand funds that they would need to raise one way or the other. Maybe this turns her case into a local focus for the community. Everyone knew Vanessa and people across her city want to help find her, so everyone chipped in to help pay for PI's and the costs of these investigations. To be frank this would take at least a year to pinpoint the state and then it would turn into a hunt for where she went next. This is when social media would be introduced and it takes a few months but they stumble across Gregory's birthday picture or maybe even a Fazbear employee group picture outside the Plex, but they see a familiar face that they can't really place, but when they compare it to a long since carefully preserved picture of Vanessa they had been using to try and find her it's a match.

Sure her face is sharper and her eyes dulled co.pared to how bright they had been, but it's her. When they contact Gregory or rather they are referred to her doctor after seeing the medical bills, they find out that she can't remember them, not really. She logically knows she had a family but she just can't remember anything before Afton took her away and suppressed her memories.

As someone's who's written the "can't remember their family anymore" situation, I have to say, memory loss is such a good trope! In my case, I let one character regain his memories while the other did not, so I'm curious which you'd go with!

Her poor family, though, big oof.

[river-muse]

Tai Kemi

Hey gamers I have some energy let me introduce you to my character from the Starfinder campaign I’ve been in for like 5 years!

There is SO MUCH TO UNPACK ON THIS and so much lore I’ll drop it into a cut. I’ll try to gloss over most of it and expand more later if anyone’s curious.

So this campaign, called Travelers of The Stars, is a sequel to a Pathfinder campaign called Plane of Madness (IT’S REALM NOT PLANE SHUT UP) following a group of adventurers calling themselves the Green Griffins. These adventurers consisted of all humans. A human Cleric of Sarenrae named Aithne Sunsong. A Draconic bloodline Sorcerer named Kraid Fortuna. A Necromancer named Quinn Darksbane. And my boy- a Street Performer Bard named Takumi Sonatina.

BUT KOU-

Yes. Yes he was in fact just another Kabaneri AU. At first. Bear with me, because he went through a LOT to be more than just an AU.

These four adventurers, three at first because Quinn joined later, found themselves caught in an almost Alice In Wonderland-esque journey of nonsense, wit, and ridiculous events. A demi-plane where they had to find legendary jokes to keep a being from sucking all the fun/life out of the place. Between that. Things weren’t adding up. Reality having small distortions. Glitches. Takumi trying to see both places where an identical booth should be only to hear over his shoulder “Don’t mess with things you don’t understand.”

They learned where they are, who they are- wasn’t what they’re really supposed to be. They were in a fake world, and someone was desperately trying to get them out.

When they beat the BBEG, freed the land, a doorway of light opened for them, and Takumi was afraid. What if the person he was looking for- didn’t exist in the real world? But the team held their hands to him, they would always be together. They would go as a team. And so they walked into the light hand in hand.

And reality was nothing like the dream they’d been trapped in for two years as captives. With a young human named Lenny who’d been working to rescue them-

we have entered Starfinder.

My boy’s real name is Tai Kemi. 25 years old. He’s a Korasha Lashunta Envoy who was born on Castrovel to a fairly well-known xenobiologist(deceased due to an accident on a research expedition) and a Clergy member for Shelyn(presumed dead). Tai and his childhood friend-a human named Ikoma Lightbringer-used to be a duo of social media content creators. Tai’s content creator pseudonym was Takumi to separate his celebrity life from his personal life even a little. On a trip to Triaxus something happened- and Ikoma left. Tai remembers Ikoma’s body changing suddenly to having draconic features. But in this fight, memories can’t be trusted. In this fight, where a terrorist organization called the Ares Conclave has essentially seized control of the planet Triaxus for nefarious purposes. Where the only team of mercenaries-turned-heroes who’ve gotten the closest to figuring it out have had their memories wiped so many times the frayed edges bleed together.

Tai is not a good person. Not by a long shot. He’s selfish, reluctant. He’s prone to getting caught up in his own emotions and struggles with opening up in the wake of always losing anyone he gets close to. The entire reason the crew met was because he accidentally killed an asshole of a dragonkin at a bar and subsequently stole his ship.

However- he emerged from that time in captivity kinder than before for some unknown reason. As captain of the Green Griffins mercenary company he’s struggling to find his footing while the crew unravels the mysteries of their lost memories.

The crew-

- Kraid Fortuna, Copper Dragonkin Vanguard. Gunner. Partner bonded to Tai initially out of a sense of mutual gain but they’ve genuinely grown close over time. Revealed recently to be a clone.

- Æthne Sunsong, Human Star Shaman Mystic. Pilot. Rescued and raised on the Burning Archipelago by the church of Sarenrae. She’s the kind of person you’ll find with a “Live, Laugh, Love, and wine” sign in her room. Easily stressed and protective of the crew.

- Quinn Darksbane, Elebrian(living) Mechanic. Engineer. They’re the original engineer for the ship before Tai, Kraid, and Æthne stole it. They didn’t really like the original owner so they stuck around with their assistant.

- Lenny [last name unknown], Human Technomancer. Science Officer. He’s a 16-year-old runaway for unknown reasons. The crew protects him and Tai takes care of him like a son.

It’s been a few months since the crew woke up, and there’s still so many empty gaps that what they have recovered causes more concern than comfort. Tai’s stared death in the face twice and come out of it scarred and angry with himself.

The major info Tai knows now is whatever creature is pulling the strings of the Ares Conclave has a fairly unknown motive, the public face of the organization is being held hostage and has been so since before the group grew to the size it is, there’s someone named Zeal who is everywhere and could be any species he wants to be, and Ikoma is working with the Ares Conclave for an unknown reason.

The last time Tai saw Ikoma, he was wearing Ares Conclave gear with a helmet obscuring his face. But his now draconic feet are horribly scarred. It was the only giveaway beyond not having any wings. Tai had reached out with his telepathy, called his name. Only to hear one phrase back.

“Takumi, don’t mess with things you don’t understand.”

[moodymeangirl]

for moots following my most recent flop posts and social cataclysm, i did indeed break up w my best friend of 10+ years after they were unwiling to acknowledge or cease a year-long-now pattern of treating me cruelly, gaslighting me w 'love' and demonisation, and ghosting me for months at a time.

choosing to leave the most significant relationship of my adult life is a sad sad relief and also terrifying

overall happy w choice tho. it was clear from their words and actions they don't like or love me anymore. they could have respected me and themselves by being honest and ending the friendship a year ago.

but instead they swallowed those words and 2024 with them had just been: bully me into accepting a dynamic of inequality where they deserved my love and care, but they gave nothing in return. they took advantage of my love and loyalty, kept their newfound dislike of me secret and spent months destroying my mental health and confidence. then they disappeared from my life without a word for two whole months, knowing I thought they were sick.

turns out in that time they were just living life as normal, expanding their new friendships with my loved ones and close friends and lying to those people that I didn't want to be in their group chats or included in planned holidays...

eventually I got desperate and found a way to break their cone of silence, believing them to be seriously ill and alone. they immediately took advantage of my worry, informing me they were actuvely suicidal and that if I tried to help my inherent 'dangerousness' would make them more likely to pass.

when I had close friends check in on them irl, ex-bestie told them they were fine and not to listen to me. all the while simultaneously, they demanded help and tasks be done by me or they'd commit suicide.

when they noticed their harsh words weren't getting thru they suddenly love bombed me, then noticed I didn't respond to that and so returned to insults, sarcasm, and laughing at me for being worried for them.

2 days ago, they lied to me and claimed the friends they'd been lying to knew they were suicidal 'all along'. i expressed heartbreak that my friends wouldn't tell me I wasn't alone in supporting bestie thru this crisis - so bestie sent raging, swearing emails suddenly accusing me of thinking badly on them and our friends. they belittled, degraded, and attempted to convince me i was crazy and no one had lied ... while inadvertently Admitting to having lied to all of us.

so I ended friendship, then and there.

I'm heartbroken relieved and terrified to continue my life without them....

but it had to end. they repeatedly assured me they have support. they waxed lyrical ablut how much my other close friends love them. they told everyone but me they were fine, and then they returned to abusing and trying to gaslight me when i asked them to be respectful and honest ....... so,

tis done.

[tiktoklivestream-views]

Grow a compliant fan base on Facebook

There are those who think Facebook is a remarkable social media site tool, and those who don't see its benefits in any way. Well, Facebook has a host of extremely useful features that can actually help you take your service to the next level TikTok Live Stream Views.

Points have actually changed over time

Earlier in Facebook's development, expanding your compliance wasn't really a concern. At that time the competition was not that great. Nevertheless, the points are different today. Now there are a lot of competitors and if you don't present your concepts in a way that will really wow your potential and current customers, they won't stay with you. They will probably go to someone else to get their web content fixed. You must be aware that there is no alternative to letting that happen.

The truth is, you don't want to just hook up with a lot of people. You plan to have a fantastic following, and you also want those people to share your vision and your passion for what you're trying to accomplish (and to be successful at completing it). Do not worry. It is absolutely possible for that to happen. It's just a matter of setting it up properly.

It's extremely important that you understand how important strong Facebook compliance is to your business. If you understand that, you will do everything you can to give it your all. You can trust that the outcomes are good for you and your organization. There are certain actions (in a certain order) that you must adhere to in order to grow your following. You will want to develop it into your internet marketing approach and keep it there.

Determine your target audience: It is crucial that you deal with the appropriate target group for your specific organization. Your target audience offers several objectives, including using it as a source of information when it comes to giving them what they want and also need. You must give WIIFM (What's In It For Me?) permission to drive you. Simply put, no matter how much you have to contribute as an entrepreneur (or business person), it means nothing if you are unable to tackle the various problems of others. This also indicates that you can connect with others on an emotional/human level.

Speak in a language the other person recognizes: After you have specifically recognized who your target audience participants are, you need to start the procedure of getting involved in their minds in an extra comprehensive way. Simply put, you will certainly have to get inside their heads and discover exactly how to adopt the way they communicate and believe that they communicate. If you can make sure that you can complete that, if you can really make sure that you speak their language, you will find that they will definitely start to trust you and also become loyal to your brand name pretty quickly.

Make a decision about exactly how you want to interact with other people: There are so many different methods you can engage with other people. You can have a combination of online and in-person interactions, which can work great for you. Only you can decide what works best for your specific business.

Remember, you're in it for the long haul: Relationships are at the core of your success when it comes to Facebook and all other social media networks. It's probably obvious that you can't build a following without individuals. Obviously, that means you need a human connection between you. It's essential to keep the journey in mind, not just the reward. This indicates that you are investing in relationships that will stand the test of time and will be just as beneficial.

Work with the connections: When it comes to partnerships, you don't want to overwhelm the other person or require too much of his or her time. On the other hand, you want to make sure that whatever you connect is relevant and useful to the other person every time. Moreover, you are expanding the relationship and not allowing it to die or grow old. You've been trying to make it work in the beginning, so there certainly wouldn't be any feeling in letting it go this way.

Earlier in Facebook's evolution, expanding your compliance really wasn't a problem. The fact is that you don't just want to have a following with a large number of people in it. It is very important that you realize how crucial strong Facebook compliance is for your organization. There are certain steps (in a specific order) that you need to follow to ensure greater adherence. It may be clear that you cannot build a following without the people.

[andrewdaviesdesign2862]

Formative Presentation Script

Ok so the title of my project is ‘Broader Horizons’

Initially my focus was going to be designing for elderly smartphone users which was one of the main areas of focus in my exegesis, which was basically an exploration into ‘the evolution of modern-day interface and app icon design and how it operates within various user demographics’

But I decided to change my directory a little bit by focusing on HWM find a way to encourage older people to expand their social circles, in order to improve their health and wellbeing as current research indicates that about half of older New Zealanders experience some level of loneliness, and 8-9% feel lonely all or most of the time. Which is important because having inadequate social relationships has been shown to be as bad for health as smoking and loneliness has also been linked to an increased likelihood of entering rest home care.

I conducted several interviews with people over 50, talking with them about their friend groups and how they came to be, as well as how meeting new people and building/managing friendships later in life differs to when your younger.

As a way of synthesising the information I gathered in my interviews I played around with some empathy mapping as I wanted to ensure I understood exactly what my interviewees were trying to articulate in terms of what they said, did, felt and thought. 

Some of the key insights I gathered from this research were that:

The majority of people that the participants referred to as their friends, were actually more like extended family, as they, alongside most people of this age demographic, tended to have grown up alongside several other siblings, usually quite close in age, so a large portion of their friends were introduced to them by other members of the family, so they never really needed to independently go out and build external friendships and develop the desire/need to meet new people. So, I considered exploring HWM encourage people over 50 to independently meet/build relationships with people who are unassociated with family members?

Participants also stated that by the time they reached 50 they had lost contact with a lot of their external friends as most had moved to another country or city either for work or family as these tend to take priority over friendships at this stage in people’s lives. So, I considered HMW make long-distance friendships easier to maintain for people over 50?

Participants stated that their social life was at its peak while at school and uni as well as at some of the earlier places they worked and during this period of time they tended to of made more friends than at any other point in their life. But because things like social media which allow us to easily reconnect with people didn’t exist at that point in time, eventually they have become estranged from the majority of them because of increasingly limited communication over time.

So, for my final HMW I’ve chosen HMW find a way for people over 50 to easily reconnect with old classmates/colleagues in order to build new friendships/relationships?

In terms of ideation I just did a basic brainstorm of solution ideas which I could explore that would appeal to an older demographic - meaning users over 50

Some of these ideas were:

An app or most likely a website which:

- Allows older users to communicate with friends overseas

- Enables older users to connect with people of a similar age via mutual interests and community events

- Allows older single users to connect with each other in terms of dating etc.

At this stage for my solution I’ve chosen to develop a website catered and designed for users over 50, which is where a lot of the research I did last semester will come in handy, which enables people of this demographic who might be feeling a little bit lonely at this point in their lives, to easily reconnect and catch up with people from their past such as old classmates/colleagues/employers/neighbours that they have otherwise lost contact with over time and ultimately rekindle these relationships that were up until recently lost.

So, these are screenshots from my initial prototype so it’s just showing the process of how the user would come across the profile of someone they went to high school with.

So far, I haven’t gotten around to doing any user testing for my initial prototype but I’m aiming to that over the weekend.

My next steps include continuing with user testing and developing my prototype as well as doing a bit of research into competitors and school reunions and such.

[fatliberation]

I’m Abandoning Body Positivity and Here’s Why

In short: it’s fatphobic.

“A rallying cry for a shift in societal norms has now become the skinny girl’s reassurance that she isn’t really fat. Fatness, through this lens of ‘body positivity’, remains the worst thing a person can be.” (Kayleigh Donaldson)

•  •  •

I have always had a lot of conflicting opinions about the body positivity movement, but it’s much more widely known (and accepted, go figure) than the fat liberation movement, so I often used the two terms interchangeably in conversation about anti-fatness. But the longer I’ve been following the body positivity movement, the more I’ve realized how much it has strayed from its fat lib origins. It has been hijacked; deluded to center thin, able, white, socially acceptable bodies.

Bopo’s origins are undoubtedly grounded in fat liberation. The fat activists of the 1960s paved the way for the shred of size acceptance we see in media today, initially protesting the discrimination and lack of access to equal opportunities for fat people specifically. This early movement highlighted the abuse, mental health struggles, malpractice in the medical field, and called for equal pay, equal access, equal respect, an end to fatphobic structures and ideas. It saddens me that it hasn’t made much progress in those regards. 

Today, the #bopo movement encapsulates more the idea of loving your own body versus ensuring that individuals regardless of their weight and appearance are given equal opportunities in the workplace, schools, fashion and media. Somehow those demands never made it outside of the ‘taboo’ category, and privileged people would much more readily accept the warm and fuzzy, sugar-coated message of “love yourself!” But as @yrfatfriend once said, this idea reduces fat people’s struggles to a problem of mindset, rather than a product of external oppressors that need to be abolished in order for fat people to live freely.

That generalized statement, “love yourself,” is how a movement started by fat people for the rights of fat people was diluted so much, it now serves a thin model on Instagram posting about how she has a tummy roll and cellulite on her thighs - then getting praised for loving her body despite *gasp!* its minor resemblance to a fat body. 

Look. Pretty much everyone has insecurities about their bodies, especially those of us who belong to marginalized groups. If you don’t have body issues, you’re a privileged miracle, but our beauty-obsessed society has conditioned us to want to look a certain way, and if we have any features that the western beauty standard considers as “flaws,” yeah! We feel bad about it! So it’s not surprising that people who feel bad about themselves would want to hop on a movement that says ‘hey, you’re beautiful as you are!’ That’s a message everyone would like to hear. Any person who has once thought of themselves as less than beautiful now feels that this movement is theirs. And everyone has insecurities, so everyone feels entitled to the safe space. And when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. What I’m trying to explain here is that thin people now feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces. 

Regardless of how badly thin people feel about their bodies, they still experience thin privilege. They can sit down in a theater or an airplane without even thinking about it, they can eat in front of others without judgement, they can go the doctor with a problem and actually have it fixed right away, they can find cute clothes in their size with ease, they do not suffer from assumptions of laziness/failure based on stereotype, they see their body type represented everywhere in media, the list goes on and on. They do not face discrimination based off of the size of their body. 

Yet diet culture and fatphobia affects everyone, and of course thin people do still feel bad about the little fat they have on their bodies. But the failure to examine WHY they feel bad about it, is what perpetuates fatphobia within the bopo movement. They’re labeled “brave” for showing a pinch of chub, yet fail to address what makes it so acceptably daring, and how damaging it is to people who are shamed for living in fat bodies. Much like the rest of society, thin body positivity is still driven by the fear of fat, and does nothing to dismantle fatphobia within structures or within themselves.

Evette Dionne sums it up perfectly in her article, “The Fragility of Body Positivity: How a Radical Movement Lost Its Way.”

“The body-positive media economy centers these affirming, empowering, let-me-pinch-a-fat-roll-to-show-how-much-I-love-myself stories while failing to actually challenge institutions to stop discriminating against fat people. More importantly, most of those stories center thin, white, cisgender, heterosexual women who have co-opted the movement to build their brands. Rutter has labeled this erasure ‘Socially Acceptable Body Positivity.’

“On social media, it actually gets worse for fat bodies: We’re not just being erased from body positivity, fat women are being actively vilified. Health has become the stick with which to beat fat people with [sic], and the benchmark for whether body positivity should include someone” (Dionne).

Ah, yes. The medicalization of fat bodies, and the moralization of health. I’ve ranted about this before. Countless comments on posts of big women that say stuff like “I’m all for body positivity, but this is just unhealthy and it shouldn’t be celebrated.” I’ve heard writer/activist Aubrey Gordon once say that body positivity has become something like a shield for anti-fatness. It’s anti-fatness that has been repackaged as empowerment. It’s a striking double-standard. Fat people are told to be comfortable in their bodies (as if that’s what’s going to fix things) but in turn are punished when they’re okay with being fat. Make it make sense.

Since thin people feel a sense of ownership over body positive spaces, and they get to hide behind “health” when they are picking and choosing who can and cannot be body positive, they base it off of who looks the most socially acceptable. And I’m sure they aren’t consciously picking and choosing, it comes from implicit bias. But the socially acceptable bodies they center are small to medium fat, with an hourglass shape. They have shaped a new beauty standard specifically FOR FAT PEOPLE. (Have you ever seen a plus sized model with neck fat?? I’m genuinely asking because I have yet to find one!) The bopo movement works to exclude and silence people who are on the largest end of the weight spectrum. 

Speaking of exclusion, let’s talk about fashion for a minute.

For some reason, (COUGH COUGH CAPITALISM) body positivity is largely centered around fashion. And surprise surprise, it’s still not inclusive to fat people. Fashion companies get a pat on the back for expanding their sizing two sizes up from what they previously offered, when they are still leaving out larger fat people completely. In general, clothing companies charge more for clothes with more fabric, so people who need the largest sizes are left high and dry. It’s next to impossible to find affordable clothes that also look nice. Fashion piggybacks on the bopo movement as a marketing tactic, and exploits the very bodies it claims to be serving. (Need I mention the time Urban Outfitters used a "curvy” model to sell a size it doesn’t even carry?)

The movement also works to exclude and silence fat Black activists.

In her article, “The Body Positivity Movement Both Takes From and Erases Fat Black Women” Donyae Coles explains how both white people and thin celebrities such as Jameela Jamil profit from the movement that Black women built.

“Since long before blogging was a thing, fat Black women have been vocal about body acceptance, with women like Sharon Quinn and Marie Denee, or the work of Sonya Renee Taylor with The Body Is Not An Apology. We’ve been out here, and we’re still here, but the overwhelming face of the movement is white and thin because the mainstream still craves it, and white and thin people have no problem with profiting off the work of fat, non-white bodies.”

“There is a persistent belief that when thin and/or white people enter the body positive realm and begin to repeat the messages that Black women have been saying for years in some cases, when they imitate the labor that Black women have already put in that we should be thankful that they are “boosting” our message. This completely ignores the fact that in doing so they are profiting off of that labor. They are gaining the notoriety, the mark of an expert in something they learned from an ignored Black woman” (Coles).

My next essay will go into detail about this and illuminate key figures who paved the way for body acceptance in communities of color. 

The true purpose of this movement has gotten completely lost. So where the fuck do we go from here? 

We break up with it, and run back to the faithful ex our parents disapproved of. We go back to the roots of the fat liberation movement, carved out for us by the fat feminists, the queer fat activists, the fat Black community, and the allies it began with. Everything they have preached since the 1960s and 70s is one hundred percent applicable today. We get educated. We examine diet culture through a capitalist lens. We tackle thin, white-supremacist systems and weight based discrimination, as well as internalized bias. We challenge our healthcare workers to unlearn their bias, treat, and support fat patients accordingly. We make our homes and spaces accessible and welcoming to people of any size, or any (dis)ability. “We must first protect and uplift people in marginalized bodies, only then can we mandate self-love” (Gordon).

Think about it. In the face of discrimination, mistreatment, and emotional abuse, we as a society are telling fat people to love their bodies, when we should be putting our energy toward removing those fatphobic ideas and structures so that fat people can live in a world that doesn’t require them to feel bad about their bodies. It’s like hitting someone with a rock and telling them not to bruise!

While learning to love and care for the body that you’re in is important, I think that body positivity also fails in teaching that because it puts even more emphasis on beauty. Instead of saying, “you don’t have to be ‘beautiful’ to be loved and appreciated,” its main lesson is that “all bodies are beautiful.” We live in a society obsessed with appearance, and it is irresponsible to ignore the hierarchy of beauty standards that exist in every space. Although it should be relative, “beautiful” has been given a meaning. And that meaning is thin, abled, symmetric, and eurocentric. 

Beauty and ugliness are irrelevant, made-up constructs. People will always be drawn to you no matter what, so you deserve to exist in your body without struggling to conform to an impossible and bigoted standard. Love and accept your body for YOURSELF AND NO ONE ELSE, because you do not exist to please the eyes of other people. That’s what I wish we were teaching instead. Radical self acceptance!

As of today, the ultimate message of the body positivity movement is: Love your body “despite its imperfections.” Or people with “perfect and imperfect bodies both deserve love.” As long as we are upholding the notion that there IS a perfect body that looks a certain way, and every body that falls outside of that category is imperfect, we are upholding white supremacy, eugenics, anti-fatness, and ableism.

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[explorationsinlove]

Had my first psilocybin trip today.

2.4g lemon tek.

It was great, but weak.

I learned there's literally nothing to be afraid of about it, and I'm amazing at handling it. Introspection, psychic functioning, and interdimensional subjects are my main interests; and I understand the main metaphysical laws governing All That Is; so even the painful subjects and traumatic events are a blast to deal with.

Like...FINALLY, I can get movement in this area I've been working on for years.

I'm taking psilocybin to make drastic changes, like being stuck by lightning.

Or like how that paranoid hypochondriac ensign in Star Trek: Voyager was inhabited by the entity when Janeway took her wayward sheep on their first away mission, and afterward he was cured.

Or in Star Trek: TNG when John touched Geordi and his social anxiety was just gone.

I've mentally expanded well beyond what my body and certain ingrained belief systems will allow, so this is helping release the rubber band that's been pulled back so far for so long, so I can shoot forward and make miraculous progress.

It offered to go deeper on the biggest issue, but I was like, "I...I don't have enough mushrooms to go further right now." And we instantly changed subjects.

My next session will (probably) be 5g lemon tek, three days in a row.

3 days on, 4 days off. Because you have to space things out so your body has a chance to reset some, but also you have to be able to stay in bed for a few hours at a time each day. You can (and should) get water and all that; but this is for going inward, and you want as little external stimulation as possible. I listened to a 10 hour recording of birds in a park, but silence would be cool too. No awkward trip sitter, loud people, things that have to be done, or anything else that would detract from the experience.

I've never been good at the external world, but the internal world is my realm.

The mushrooms literally can't keep up with me.

I'm so fucking ready to go again. I've been in extreme physical pain and a continual panic attack for as long as I can remember, so I'm like, "Let's do this! Healing trauma is my jam!"

The mushroom state is my natural state. Being here is the hard part.

I visited many people and dimensions (more sensed than saw), some healers, some happy random observers, and some interdimensional annoyances, and they each had different things to say.

"What a busy bee you are!"

"The wound is deep."

And I grabbed somebody's forearm and said something like, "Stop. Talking. (Or whatever they were doing). I'm trying to live my life, and what you're doing is interfering with my ability to do so." They apologized, and I was off to the next thing.

I was out of a lot of my pain for a few hours, and I learned that I'm not stuck where I've been stuck for the past 4 or 5 years. (Too much emotional and physical pain to work, little money as a result, can barely buy anything to survive, means no mobility or much hope the traditional way. So...stuck. and dying. Extreme intelligence with nothing to do. Death.)

But I'm not stuck. I'm just passing through this person and this place. And with the mushrooms help, I can stop time here and go visit anywhere else I want to, then rejoin this space-time when I want to.

"I don't like this. What's next?" And off I'd go to the next thing."

I also learned why I've had such terrible "luck" with remote viewing and how to fix it.

Review: 7289/10. Would recommend.

Checkout Doubleblindmag.com if you're interested in growing your own (you also get access to a discord group with the authors of the Psilocybin Mushroom Bible and can ask them questions about your grows). There are also legit places to order the end results from regardless of the state you live in while you get the stuff together to grow your own. You just have to not be afraid to use Google, despite your fears.

Yeah, and I live in Mississippi on a shoestring budget, with my mom. If it's important, you're interested in healing, and this stuff interests you, you'll find a way. It may take 6 months to get everything together, but it's well worth it. And resources (like legit places to order from) will find their way to you if you pursue it. Not me. But others. Due to the insane non-legality of it, the system is designed where you have to read between the lines and take initiative, which is something I used to be terrible at. But then again, I was also raised a Bible-thumping Southern Baptist kid whose main shtick was being honest to a fault and respecting authority above all and expecting others to tell me what to do. So I had absolutely no street smarts or boundaries. I was in jail one time 10 years ago for 5 days due to alcohol (which is terrible compared to psilocybin), and I sided with the jailers. Yeah. That didn't go over well. I do a facepalm at my ignorance now.

"You are supported in your endeavors to the degree that you do them without fear."

Anyway. I know this is jumbled and disjointed. I don't care. I used to be great at writing until teachers and life crushed me. What's the point? I don't have the energy anymore. Rejection. Rejection. Shit. Don't measure up. Failure. Smart. But a failure. Not worth the time.

But that was my teachers. The College Board loved my AP English 11 essays.

I was in a panic attack 24/7 from birth and thought it was normal. Perfectionist smart kid. Absolutely could not stand the thought of getting in trouble. It was worse than death.

That's another reason I'm taking mushrooms.

Because my teachers and other persons in authority were so fucking wrong. And I need a reset.

[mistressemmedi]

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

Greetings from Miley Cyrus - phenomenal numbers.

The streams of Zitti e Buoni are growing by the second, and ahead of Muse, on the top of the English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. We almost tripled followers after Rotterdam (from 1.4 to 3.3 million, ed). Contagious and universal madness: T-shirts and merchandise sold out in 10 minutes. Like records, tickets for a tour that adds dates and expands on maps. They are even looking for us in festivals where the Rolling Stones have played. - Thomas

After the whole cocaine scandal that was started against us from France, which was later denied by my drug test, in Spain there people have been making murals with my face saying "No drugs". Some tweets made us laugh: «Congratulations, Italy! I have never been so sure that four people have fucked each other ". Miley Cyrus started following us. "You are great". “You are more” . - Damiano

From rags to riches - what a story

It was only 2016, and we were playing in restaurants, on the streets, in via del Corso (famous street in Rome). Damiano without a microphone, Thomas's guitar with broken strings, Ethan drummed on a cajón. At the occupations of the high schools in Rome (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first gigs and half an hour of fame, between those who criticized us and those who said "these guys are so cool". One of the rare times in which they offered to pay us to play - 50 euros each - we offered that money to those after us, in exchange for the chance to play during their time slow, as we knew there would have been a bigger crowd. We already understood then how it worked. That visibility was worth more than the money. We still think so ». - Victoria

The intimacy of rock - Choice of a genre

Music allows is this miracle which allows one to talk about very personal and private topics, even difficult and delicate ones. They are and remain deeply yours, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage which is like a delivery, they also find their place in you, their elaboration. They are overcome, they are accepted. One moment it feels aggressive, one moment later a (soft) ballad. It's very cathartic. - Damiano

Against panic - The stage as therapy

I have suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it is a problem that I have worked on thanks to a course of psychotherapy, to my friends and family. Playing has helped me not to let myself be paralyzed by my fears, not to be limited in my private and professional life. I have learned to accept, to live with this side of me. I don't hide it. I no longer feel ashamed. - Victoria

This belief that only crazy people go to the psychologist is widespread ignorance. Nobody is born learned. And it is often difficult to understand why we are here, let alone the derivation and direction of our desires. It is a long and legitimate journey towards one's clarity. - Damiano

Essere fuori di testa – Ma diversi da loro (Be out of your mind - But different from them)

Already feeling a strong passion for something that is not a 'regular' profession but an artistic language, it puts you on a level where you're an anomaly, and while you're neither superior nor inferior to others, it places you in the condition of what breaks the mold but you're also being at a loss, leaving it to you to be bold and to take risks, hoping that they will pay off and land you somewhere. "What good is it if you don't stand out on your own?". You want to give it an aesthetic to your artistic dream, but to others it boils down to " You dress differently! You must be gay! ”, I'm 22 now and it makes me laugh, but at 17 it had an effect on me too. - Damiano

The beauty of being unique - Of believing in that and defending it

After all, we are all different not because we want to be alternative but because really no one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty. - Ethan

Fluid sexuality - Pride is freedom

We appreciate heels on men, we kiss each other, we have an open, extended mind, and we are proud of it. The horizons become vast, beyond the oppression of conservative families. With information on the web, knowledge is enriched and with it the possibility that minorities will be fewer and fewer, because majorities will be fewer and fewer. This will lower the volume to insults and bullying. If social networks can reach a village of 50 souls to reveal to someone, who is afraid of the darkness, that someone has felt that same fear.. There is no longer the need to give it a name, to define that "something" to fear, to brand it with labels that only limit you. Definitions have always had this effect on me. Gender should not even be considered in a person's judgment. Let alone orientation ". - Victoria

Sexism - A culture to be dismantled

Emma (Italian singer) dropped the bomb:" When I went to Eurovision, they insulted me over a pair of shorts. Damiano - half naked and in heels - was never criticized ". The judgment against women is constant, ferocious, and demeaning (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool but Vic a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader she is domineering and pain in the ass, who is successful because only because of her looks [and not the hard work she puts in]). As a male I am privileged, the harassment I suffer is not comparable to that experienced by a woman, the comments on my aesthetics are focused only on my aesthetics and do not insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thinking in a systemic way. But I did find myself in a situation, out of nowhere, with someone who, pulling close to her for a selfie, started licking my face ... "What do you want, did you ask me?" Consent exists, and it is a must ». - Damiano

To grow as a person - The only rule to follow

For me, to conform is the total opposite of educating oneself, and the asphyxiation of one's expression (of freedom). Fortunately, I did not suffer heavy bullying, to the point where I felt I needed to change to adapt to how others saw me. But the matrix of who I am and the aggression that marks me is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and loves dolls, then allow me the freedom to do so. I used to be a kid who wanted long hair and played with Barbies. My friends, as a teenager, looked my long hair and teased me: "You have to find yourself a girl with a short hair to make up for it". My grandparents took the dolls away from me and said: “Stop it, they're not for you” ». - Ethan

“I was six and I already could not tolerate the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things typically defined as feminine as a child, and they made fun of me for skating, for playing soccer, for not wearing skirts, for giving myself the chance to be as I wanted to be. I suffered a little, as I was bullied, but I had courage to stay true to myself, and today thanks to that courage I know that I could have been much more hurt, or I would have risked leaving the most important decision to others: the one about being just me". - Victoria

Love - music and girlfriends

I've been married to music for the past 20 years. I cannot wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary. - Ethan

Everyone goes through their own experiences, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's never other people's business." - Thomas

When, for the first time, I developed feelings and attraction for a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage to go beyond the limitations I had imposed on myself. For society, being heterosexual is the norm and therefore often one automatically pegs himself in that way, giving up the freedom to experience many different shades and facets of love. Once I got over the initial insecurity of having to question one's own certainties, I lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone. - Victoria

I had paparazzi under my house morning and night. So, after four years of relationship, I finally revealed her name. I still have the paparazzi under my house morning and night, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore. - Damiano

The value of the group - Protecting each other

But the real relationship, the real family, is between us. Our band. We believed in it from the first day, even before calling ourselves Måneskin (moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon, on the poster for our first concert. We share everything, even the pain of the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because he was a victim of racism. Being a group is what we should all do together: stay united and not retreat in the slightest in the face of abuses generated by a distorted vision of someone "being different|. - Thomas

Non ho l’età – like Gigliola (It references Gigliola Cinquetti who won both Sanremo and Eurovision with her song "Non ho l’età" which translates to Not old enough)

Before us, the only one to win Sanremo and Eurovision together was Gigliola Cinquetti (in 1964). Is there is something for which I feel I am not yet old enough for? No, honestly no. Maybe for kids. I'll be honest, I'm not enough to be a dad. - Damiano

Reached the sky - What fears still remain

We are more than in the dream, we have conquered the dream. To fly high this high, there is the risk is to fall and get hurt, but we will try not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - somewhat presumptuously - reassures us rather than frighten us ". - Damiano

(ORIGINAL INTERVIEW IN ITALIAN)

[Please note that I have changed some words or structure sentence, trying to make it so that the interview made more sense lol - I skipped the first two paragraphs, which was basically the interviewer gushing over how pretty the band is lmao (relatable).

Any mistakes in the translation are sorely mine, nothing was proofread, so apologies in advance]