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#living with a friend's parents to get out of a seriously scary situation and also not have to move back with my parents
lostwanderer42 · 9 months
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Tired of reminding myself it's been tough year and it's ok to not feel good
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my-castles-crumbling · 2 months
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hi cas
im not sure how to word this but im just gonna giev it a go i guess
so i'm a minor and i'm queer, both my parents are pretty homophobic. when i say minor, i mean that if they threw me out i'm too young to get a job
also, they're not nice to me. i don't mean in the posh kinda way- i mean it. my dad's bounced my head off the walls a couple times
i guess i got lucky with one thing and that's that no one's real mean to me about it- honest, i've been the queer awakenings of so many of my friends theyve taken to calling me casanova. i got a good card with my friends, too, but my problem is actually there
so most of my friends know my parents. a couple of the girls have made queer jokes at me in front of my parents on accident. i've had to slur and belittle my own people just to keep the damn roof over my head. i dunno if it's worth it to live with them until i'm of age- i really wanna dip at sixteen.
i dunno. thanks for reading. what do you think.
Hi hon <3
I am so sorry that this is your situation. It literally pains me to know that you and so many other kids are dealing with this, and I hope you know that you deserve so much more.
It sounds like you're smart- smart enough to know not to come out to your parents or something similar. That wouldn't be safe for you, unfortunately.
You kind of have two options, here. One- you could report your parents. It sounds like they've hurt you in the past, and if you're in the US or similar, it might be enough to be taken from them. BUT the foster system is shit, and depending on your country, that might not be the best solution, unfortunately. You have to decide which is safer for you. Which, I want to acknowledge, is an absolutely HORRIBLE decision to make at 14 or 15 or whatever age you are. Like I'm nauseous thinking about it. But that's reality.
Your second option is to start planning. However you can (in a safe way), start making money, building a support system, making a safety plan. If you make money, make sure your parents don't have access to it. Find friends and possibly adults that support you and would take you in in an emergency. Research youth shelters and low-income housing as well as emancipation options. Don't act rashly. Be smart, and weigh all your pros and cons. Again, if you can, find an adult irl who knows the full situation who you can discuss all the pros and cons with. The more you can plan before acting, the better off you'll be, but also take your safety into account. How long can you stay and save up before it starts to seriously affect your physical and mental wellbeing? Do you have a backup plan in case your parents find out and kick you out? What resources are available in your area?
These are all big, scary, adult decisions to be making, but the reality is you have to think about them. And if you need to talk any of them through, I'm here!
Naming you lily anon.
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captainstarsplitter · 2 years
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Friends, moots, countrymen and -women (and what lieth betwixt);
I haven’t been on here in a hot minute. Or a decade, whichever. The reason for that is mainly … life. It’s been a hot minute of living, y’all. And I’m so, so, tired — physically and otherwise. My days begin at 4 in the morning and getting more than 6 hours of sleep is an impossibility. I then commence the early morning by having extensive discussions with a smaller version of myself (while either trying not to laugh or scream, or both) and then I mostly rush: To drop-off, to work, back to pickup, and then home. I used to cook. I used to run. I used to do … stuff. I don’t even know what I did.
I do love my job, but I’ve also had to learn that immediate management has no issues leveraging my personal situation against me. I’ll probably get written up again for missing work because my child is sick and there’s literally only me to take care of her (which management is aware of). It’s fucked up and skirts along the fine line of actual discrimination in the way it’s conducted, and after speaking to a few trusted coworkers the general advice is to document and call HR if shit gets worse.
My answer is to kill with kindness and be the best employee. My record is otherwise spotless. I have no patience for this kind of high school level pettiness, but my ongoing dissolution of marriage taught me to grey rock like a pro. I will be fine, like I always have been; but all I want is some peace and time to myself to digest what life has thrown at me in the last couple years.
I am burned tf out. I miss connecting to myself in ways that make me feel like a thinking, creative being, not an automaton.
I miss running and being alone with my thoughts in a way that doesn’t feel scary.
And then there have been some … interesting developments in other departments of my life. I’m no longer alone. I’m not really partnered yet either, but things might or might not be moving in that direction. Right now, things are looking promising.
It all started with a text to my friend in DC that I really, really wanted a dude — despite the fact that I have zero time for myself and my life feels like pure, unmitigated chaos. She suggested I give dating apps a shot. I told her I’d rather shoot myself in the foot, but went ahead anyways. What I encountered ranged from discouraging to plain fucking weird (seriously, why is every dude either holding a fish, or a puppy, or posing with other peoples’ kids???), and I only messaged a total of three people. The first one I immediately ghosted because something about him raised my hackles.
The second one was as nuts about Patton as I am, which I appreciate, but ultimately we didn’t jive. And then there was C.
Given the way my marriage went (and the brief rebound with what used to be a friend), it’s hard not to be guarded and standoffish.
But being with C. feels safe and familiar. Everything moves at a comfortable pace, and there’s no expectation or pressure of things developing in a certain direction before each of us is ready. He’s smart, kind and funny. He has a cute butt and respects my boundaries.
My anxiety is through the roof, but I’m patient with myself and learning that most of the shit I think is happening is mainly in my head. I’m learning to trust both him and myself. Best of all, I’m seeing actual proof of a beginning healthy relationship: Actions over words, truthfulness and clear communication. Respect. Safety. It feels strange that all of this is just there, like it’s no big deal. I don’t know if he understands yet what it means to me.
Life is a lot right now. We both have a lot on our plates, but I’m excited to see what might happen.
In two weeks my parents will be here for a few days. Yesterday marked seven years that I’ve lived in the US. Nothing is what I thought it would be, to be honest, but I’m scared and elated and curious to see where I’ll be in another seven years.
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asset35-maya · 3 years
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I am sleepy but I gotta make a request before the busy tomorrow so 2 things on my mind! Sleepy and the 'oh my god they were roomates' vine xD with any characters and aus I love everything you write anyways xD Happy timezones and best vibes your way >^<!! 💖💞💕💕
Oh my god, they were roommates…
//
“The rental market in Detroit is absolute shit! How dare these bloodsuckers charge such high rates for the most under-developed properties! This city’s going to the dogs!”
“Uh-huh.”
“You have to pay your own weight in gold just to live in a shoebox for a year. Nonsense!”
“Uh…”
“Are you even listening to me, Tina!
Tina?
Goddamnit Tina!”
Gavin thumped his fist on her desk, but Tina’s eyes barely flicked up from her phone.
“Oh my god, you sound like my grandpa…”
Gavin turned red and his brain buzzed with a thousand colourful retorts. He was just about to pick one when Tina stopped scrolling and turned her phone screen towards him.
CYBERSCALIA @ NEW JERICHO
The suburban paradise for executive androids and humans alike. Located 25 minutes drive from downtown Detroit, with a full amenities.
Gavin’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. He balked at her.
“You’re joking? How could I possibly…?”
“Get with the times, boomer…”
Tina lazily skimmed her thumb over the screen. The webpage promised plenty of greenery, good infrastructure and modest but spacious rooms. The extremely reasonable price tag was Gavin’s dream come true. He’d spent weeks apartment hunting in the wake of an early lease termination by his cantankerous landlord. Gavin knew he’d never find a better deal.
“Shit, this is so good, T! Why the phck does it have to be in that- that place!”
His friend arched a sceptical eyebrow.
“What place?”
“The Tincan ghetto!”
Tina smacked him on the arm. None too gently.
“It’s subsided public housing located in an android-friendly estate… because they’re the ones that need it most right now. And frankly, you seem to be in just as much need, so you should really get off that high horse.”
“Fine, fine. You’re right. I should seriously consider this place, even if my neighbours are gonna have more in common with my car than me. But damn, it seems a little too good to be true. There’s probably some fine print, hidden costs that’ll come out later.”
“Hmm… let’s see…”
Tina scrolled further and then let out a half-laugh. She held her phone up again.
“Nothing shady about the rates, but there is something you should know…”
At the risk of being called old again, Gavin squinted at the screen and read aloud.
“Bearing in mind the founding principles of New Jericho, all human occupants may only apply for tenancy in co-habitation with at least one android citizen of the United States of- JESUS PHCKING CHRIST! Absolutely not! I am not going to live with a plastic prick!”
//
Gavin had to get through half a bottle of wine before he could bear to scroll through the rental listings. Unlike other humans who had happily moved into New Jericho with their android friends or partners, he had to find an android who was also looking for a flatmate.
Some listings came from ardent supporters of Markus. These were the androids who wanted to ease the post-revolution transition by reaching out to humans. Some listings were put up by the android equivalent of frat boys. These individuals were clearly looking for someone on the fringes of human society, someone who could show them a good (if not illegal) time.
Other posts came from eccentric androids who craved company but had likely been rejected by their own kind. Gavin felt a strange twisting sensation, almost like pity, when he came across a post written entirely in third person by someone called Ralph.
He had almost given up hope when he came across a simple little listing for a two bedroom apartment in Cyberscalia.
RK900 #313 248 317 - 87: Seeking a neat, self-sufficient co-renter. Human or android, no preference. I spend most of my time working and will be out of your way for the better part of the day. I only ask for silence during my nighttime stasis cycles, timely payment of dues and upkeep of cleanliness.
Gavin sighed in relief.
//
“Your room is the first door on the left, mine is the second. The bathroom, laundry and kitchenette are shared, as is the living room. I scarcely find use for the latter, so you need not worry about my intruding on any of your social gatherings, or vice versa. As long as you adhere to the terms of the agreement, our paths will not cross much.”
The tall, stiff-necked android dropped a set of keys, both mechanical and digital, into Gavin’s open palm.
“Er thanks.. RK… sorry I forgot your full model number…”
“You may call me Nines. Although, I’d rather you didn’t call me much of anything. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
In a swish of black fabric, the android turned on his heel and disappeared into his room. Two rapid clicks indicated the shutting and locking of his door.
Gavin sighed and looked around the open-plan living room. It was nothing fancy, but it was far beyond any of the other properties he’d viewed in weeks of unsuccessful house-hunting.
He sat down on the simple black couch with a huff and contemplated his situation. He’d ended up where he’d truly never expected to go, but objectively speaking, things were good… barring the high-handed manner of his robot flatmate, but who gave a shit about that.
He pulled out his phone to text Tina his thanks.
//
“I can’t! I refuse to! It is a violation of my personal ethics and I will simply not take this assignment any further. Good day to you sir!”
Gavin nearly dropped his bowl of cereal one morning when his roommate burst out of his door and rushed into the open balcony.
He hadn’t seen Nines in days, which was perfectly normal. The android came and went at odd hours and made hardly any noise. It was almost like living alone. The only reminder of Nines’ presence was the sight of several dark shirts and trousers regularly hung out to dry on the rack above the washing machine.
Gavin set his bowl down and watched the android tightly grip the bars of the railing and take several unnecessary breaths to calm down. He’d seen deviant colleagues express emotion many times before, but this was the first time he witnessed such a potent mixture of rage and sorrow from a synthetic being.
Out of empathy, but mostly curiosity, Gavin approached cautiously.
“Hey Nines… is everything alright…?”
There was no response for several moments. Then Nines turned around with a grimace and hands held upwards in a placating gesture.
“I apologise for the disturbance. It was hypocritical of me to disrupt the very peace and quiet I demand of you.”
“Uh… no worries…? Are you okay?”
There was a flash of steel blue eyes.
Gavin kicked himself mentally as he realised too late that he’d broached uncharted territory. Their interactions didn’t extend beyond curt nods on the rare occasion they found each other in the same space. It was almost as if Nines engineered the lack of contact, which wouldn’t surprise Gavin at all if it were the case.
“I’m fine. I merely experienced some frustration with my work.”
Perhaps it was boredom, perhaps it was his usual lack of self-preservative instinct… Gavin threw caution to the winds.
“What do you actually do?”
Nines’ expression remained stoic but his LED went through a spectacular series of colours and flashes. His next words were reluctant.
“I’m a private investigator.”
“Oh shit! I’m actually a cop.”
Gavin pointed dumbly at himself and then let his hand drop when he saw absolutely no surprise cross the android’s face.
“I know. That’s why I let you stay with me.”
“For safety?”
“Certainly not for your fashion sense.”
“Wow okay, I didn’t think I’d be much protection for a big scary droid like you.”
Nines hummed dismissively and started to move out of the balcony, body language fully indicating the end of the conversation.
Unable to help himself for some strange reason, Gavin blurted out another ill-advised question.
“What pissed you off so much?”
Nines paused halfway through side-stepping the human. A thrill went through Gavin at the shards of ice he observed for the first time up close in Nines’ irises.
“If I tell you, will you promise to stop asking pointless questions?”
Gavin nodded earnestly, and frankly… rather foolishly.
“I helped a client gather evidence to initiate divorce proceedings on the grounds of infidelity. I provided ample photo and video evidence for his lawyers to work with. Now they want me to keep following the spouse to capture more details that could gear any future settlement in his favour.”
“So what’s your problem?”
“They’re offering me an incredible amount of cash to follow her 24/7. To stake out her workplace, her gym, her parent’s home. They want me to crouch under the window of the bedroom where her children sleep. I can do a lot of things, but not that. It’s deeply insulting that they even asked. That’s why I was so… pissed.”
Nines slipped past and was nearly back to his bedroom when Gavin spoke.
“I respect that.”
“I didn’t ask.”
“I know, but for real though, I think ethics are important in our line of work. Not just because of we need morals or a sense of right or wrong blablabla, but because we need… clarity.”
Silence floated through the hallway as Nines paused with a hand on his doorframe.
“Clarity?”
“Yeah, like a sense of direction. We don’t just take cases right-left-centre because they make us money. I mean, we could, and people do… but they never become specialists or experts of any kind. You gotta strategise if you want a career. Ethics helps with that. I think…”
Gavin wasn’t sure what made him say any of that. He was neither one for small talk, nor a man of many words… but something about Nines prompted that unusual level of introspective discourse.
“Sorry that was weird. Never mind.”
“That was actually… very astute.”
Their eyes met and Gavin could’ve sworn he saw the hint of a smile.
“It’s good to see that not all humans are as one-dimensional as I thought.”
The door clicked shut, but there was no locking sound.
//
Since the morning of Nines’ uncharacteristic outburst, the frequency of their encounters in the common areas of the apartment increased. Wordless nods became hellos, and hellos eventually became full sentences.
Not that he’d admit it, Gavin actually looked forward to enquiring about the android’s day and the cases he was working on. It was utterly fascinating to hear about legal investigations without the constraints of police procedure.
For his part, Nines would share as much as he had the patience to, before disappearing into the confines of his room. Though the time he spent outside steadily increased every day.
Another morning, while Gavin was making his coffee, Nines emerged from his room, still in his pyjamas and looking as livid as he had the time before. Gavin had never seen him in anything but crisply ironed businesswear. Before he could voice any concern, Nines stiffly asked Gavin to keep a lookout for a homicide suspect.
He nodded and immediately reached for his phone to text the sergeant on duty at his station. By midday, there was an arrest.
That evening, when Gavin settled in front of the TV with his usual glass of wine, he heard the familiar sound of Nines’ door opening. The couch dipped beside him.
“Thank you.”
“Just did my job. I should thank you for the tip.”
“Hmm.”
Gavin chanced a glance at his roommate, and found him looking right back.
“What?”
“Nothing… I just had the realisation that much of my work is impotent without the authority and means to take any kind of action.”
The sitcom began to play and Gavin thumbed the remote to reduce the volume.
“Takes all kinds to keep the streets clean. PIs can do things cops can’t. We rely on guys like you for intel all the time, you know.”
“I know.”
No words were exchanged for a while thereafter. Gavin found himself unable to focus on the TV show with all the brooding energy emanating from his right.
“If you feel like being a private eye doesn’t make enough of a difference, then why didn’t you… um… you know…”
“Join law enforcement?”
“Yup.”
“Plenty of my fellow androids have done so. I know for a fact that my predecessor model chose to remain there. You might know him.”
“Connor? Yes. Very annoying.”
“He is, isn’t he?”
“Totally. But why didn’t you join too? You’d be brilliant on the Force.”
“My skillset is certainly well-suited, but I didn’t want to become another puppet of the state.”
Gavin really didn’t know what to say to that. He nodded uncertainly and looked back at the television. He wasn’t sure why Nines was suddenly this social.
“What are you… watching?”
Androids could scan and detect just about anything in the world, so there had to be something else to the question. Gavin, strangely, was happy to oblige.
//
Nines made an appearance every evening, without fail. He would sit through the TV shows if they were of interest, or he would bring his case material and notes to the coffee table to work in silence beside Gavin.
Sometimes Gavin liked to work on jigsaw puzzles on the dining table. Nines would sit beside him, pretending to read a paperback novel, but actually scanning the puzzle and passing the right pieces over from time to time.
Against all odds, an evening ritual and a tentative friendship developed. It was simple, but it was warm. Comfortable. Like nothing Gavin had ever had before, even with humans.
//
He awoke one morning with a slight crick in his neck but the feeling of being very well-rested.
His eyes flickered open and fell upon the window. Familiar greenery came into view… but wait… had everything slightly shifted to the left? And was that the New Jericho Capitol building? He couldn’t see that from his room! There was a tree in the way! A tree that was now a few feet away from where it used to be.
Gavin sat up in alarm as he realised that he was not in his own bed. His heart flew into his throat as Nines walked through the open doorway. Shirtless and carrying a mug of blue liquid.
“Oh good, you’re up.”
“Wha-what happened!?”
Nines frowned and sat down on the edge of the bed. He set the mug on the floor and pulled on a plain black t-shirt.
“You passed out on the couch last night. I think you finished a whole bottle waiting up for me? Sorry, I was out working later than expected.”
Gavin looked down and sighed in relief as he found all his clothes still on him.
“I didn’t want you to injure yourself sleeping at an odd angle so I brought you here. Your door was locked.”
“You could’ve easily opened it.”
“Yes, but that would’ve been an invasion of privacy. I reserve that for working hours alone.”
Gavin looked deep into the sparkling blue eyes and as usual found no trace of humour.
“Thanks…”
“Don’t mention it. Now get out. You’re ruining my silk sheets.”
//
Against his best efforts, Gavin could not keep the thought of being carried to bed and tucked in safely out of his mind. How many years had it been? Since something like that had been even remotely possible for him?
He knew that Nines was just being kind in his own pragmatic little way… but Gavin found that he wouldn’t mind the prospect of waking up in the android’s bed in a wildly different context.
He realised he had it bad when Tina caught him smiling to himself at work one day.
“Why so happy?”
“Oh… nothing. Just remembered something my roommate did… He’s a… funny guy.”
“Huh. Well, look at you getting along so well with androids.”
“Android. Singular. Just him.”
“Wowwww… he sounds special.”
//
“Who did this?”
“Gavin, the damage is merely superficial-”
“Who phcking did this??!”
He reached forward and gingerly touched Nines’ split cheek. His synth skin was smeared with blue blood and glitching in and out. Nines winced at the contact.
“Shit, sorry. That must hurt like a bitch.”
“Androids do not feel pain.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m merely experiencing a surge in sensory input wherever my chassis is exposed. I’m fine.”
“Shut up and give me your first aid kit or whatever toolbox equivalent you tincans have.”
A shade of embarrassment appeared over the android’s features.
“I… actually don’t have one. I didn’t think I’d ever need it.”
“Didn’t think anyone could kick your ass, huh?”
“No… I didn’t think anyone would ever spot my hiding place.”
“Huh. How’d that happen?”
Nines’ eyes dipped, but as always, he answered the question.
“I was… distracted.”
Something in the air solidified and both of them felt it. Gavin cleared his throat and slapped his knees like an old man about to stand up.
“Right. Let me go check if the neighbours have anything that might help with your face.”
//
“So who’s this dapper young gent you’ve brought to the party, Gavin?”
“Er… he’s my uh… roommate.”
Captain Fowler nodded and winked.
“That’s what they called it in my day too.”
Nines shifted beside Gavin and cleared his throat.
“He’s a PI. But I think he’s wasting his talent taking pictures of cheating spouses. He’s quite interested in police work. Maybe we could get him to assist on a couple cases now and then?”
Fowler put down his drink and extended a warm hand to Nines.
//
“Oh thank RA9!”
Nines came running to the cluster of police cars and enveloped him in a giant hug. Gavin laughed as he patted him weakly on the back.
“Watch the ribs, big guy.”
“I was so worried.”
“Why? Your info was good. No chance of error.”
“I meant about you.”
Gavin pulled back and regarded Nines with confusion. The flashing red and blue lights of the cars made it hard to read his LED.
“Why?”
“I can’t believe you have to ask.”
The android pulled him into a bruising kiss. The officers standing nearby broke into wolf-whistles and applause.
“What the-”
“Oh I take full credit for that, sir.”
Fowler glanced at Tina.
“The case, Chen?”
“Oh of course. I solved the whole thing. But I mean that specifically.”
She waved a hand in Gavin and Nines’ direction. The two held each other tightly and seemed unlikely to come up for air anytime soon.
“Like I helped Gav find an affordable place in New Jericho and then he met this handsome investigator droid and they were roommates.”
“Oh my god, they were roommates…”
“Yeah legit.”
//
\\\
Thanks so much for the request @jude-shotto
This ended up being a lot longer than expected, but I couldn’t help it. Your prompt just took me on a whole journeyyyy <3
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star-anise · 3 years
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Thank you for your reply. My ask was kind of all over the place. (I've done some dbt before with a previous therapist and it helped! But that therapist was not a good fit I'm at a new one now tho).
Random thing, you mentioned bpd I heard in my abnormal psychology class that a lot of therapists won't treat someone diagnosed with bpd??? It was the teacher who is a grad student studying to be a therapist who said it. And like. I don't understand. They sound like a very in need population who was often abused and there's a whole huge book of treatment resources written by someone with bpd. I've heard they're "hard to treat" and talked about like they're hopeless. but like why be a mental health professional if you don't like mentally ill/different people?
This is also the same professor who insisted trauma is only the few things listed under dsm ptsd definition as traumatic events.. like she said parents getting divorced isn't a traumatic event because you aren't physically in danger... that class really scared me about the mental health field because of all the awful people in it aspiring to be therapists including the teacher.
Sorry for all the asks I love the work you do on this blog
Ahahaha, what IS it about undergrad abnormal psych professors? Mine said he wouldn't touch clinical practice with a ten-foot pole, and told a story about how once a student told him she had schizophrenia, and he knew that she was lying because obviously nobody with schizophrenia could actually manage to attend university.
(It's seriously untrue. I've had both friends and clients with psychotic disorders who succeeded in university. He was being an ableist bastard. Like, I know psych students can tend to over-identify with a disorder they're studying without actually having it, but that doesn't mean no psych student is ever entirely correct about their deal.)
Okay so, BPD. The thing about BPD is that it requires a special skillset that does not come standard in most clinical training. If a therapist who doesn't have that skillset tries to treat someone with BPD, the therapy will not be very effective and the process will be very frustrating for both them and their client. To be very frank, it's just as true that ordinary therapists are bad at treating BPD and don't like feeling stupid, as it is that people with BPD are hard to treat.
(And training to deal with people with BPD clinically is often not included in grad school education. DBT training is expensive and they won't accept you unless you have an adequate clinical placement.)
Also, part of dealing with BPD in particular is... people with BPD often have trouble seeing authority figures with anything more nuanced than "adoration and compliance" or "fear and loathing". As a therapist, you're signing up as an authority figure. Part of the work means letting your client express all their feelings about you, and helping them work to something more nuanced and sustainable, like, "I am furious and enraged that I'm in pain and I wish my therapist could take that pain away, but I realize that's not within her power. I have to admit that she's not being an evil villain here, so I can feel my resentment but let it go."
Which can be stressful to deal with, as a therapist. You have to live with a lot of hurt and anger and rage headed your way, and keep your perspective. Be empathetic without getting carried away in those emotions. You have to be able to face that pain and say, "I can't take that away. I can only help you learn to bear it."
Basically everyone I know in grad school had a nervous breakdown somewhere along the line because we go to therapist school because we're smart and capable and feel good about helping people, so when we encounter a person we can't help, or are put in situations where we have to stop helping, we tend to have existential crises and end up sobbing in the student lounge about What Am I Even Good For Now. I was lucky because I had a version of that breakdown before I entered grad school, and my therapist warned me to get a new shrink when I moved for my Master's, "Because if you don't need one at the beginning, you'll definitely need one by the end." So I was more equipped to help classmates for whom this was a wholly new experience.
In my opinion, the healthy way to approach the problem of A Person You're Not Good At Helping is to practice humility, set reasonable boundaries, recognize the limits of your competence, and see where you can learn and grow. But many therapists and helping professionals use what I consider to be an unhealthy approach, labelling such clients as "defensive" and "resistant" and "hard to treat" and blaming them for the difficulty.
Which like, I get that "practicing humility" is like "doing exercise", sometimes you're tired and cranky and don't want to go for a run. Sometimes you just want to blame the other person for not accepting your magnanimous help.
Anyway, within the field of mental health psychotherapy, complex trauma is a unique sub-speciality that many therapists don't want to touch at all. I had many classmates say, "Woof, you're into complex trauma? You must be so tough, I could never." 🙄
(Technically I have the ethical obligation to represent my profession in the best possible light to encourage public confidence in the field of psychotherapy. But I think it's not undermining the profession to admit what everyone already knows, which is that some therapists are oblivious assholes who do bad work. I've seen it, I've met them, I want them to piss off forever. Jordan Peterson is a blight to our names and Phil McGraw can go choke.)
So people who are on your wavelength about BPD and trauma and What Therapists Are For are out there. They're just a little rarer than the usual run of therapists. For what it's worth, I've found they cluster more in areas like complex trauma, DBT, Narrative Therapy, and the Hearing Voices Movement. Next year (knock on wood) I'l be going to a conference on the treatment of complex trauma with a friend, and this sounds weird given that it's a weekend all about child maltreatment, but I expect it to be a blast, because I'll get to be among My People, talking about the work that fills our souls.
I really wish that as an undergrad, I'd spent more time hanging out with Social Work students, and going to conferences and trainings. Those are where I met some of the coolest people I really clicked with. And in grad school, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting other people who were a lot like me. Those friendships were especially rewarding because as skilled helpers, we ended up playing a game of Needs Chicken, where each tries hide their own needs and caretake for the other, which finally ended up in a standoff where we had to agree to put down our caretaking skills and just be honest about what we wanted, even if that felt new and scary and raw.
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spaceskam · 3 years
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i’m suspended in the air (won’t you come be in the sky with me)
Summary: Pat and Pran take a bath together and try to play pretend.
ao3
This was the first time Pat’s head had stopped in days.
His eyes were on Pran, methodically scooping water from the tub up over Pran’s torso. He was between Pat’s legs and laying against him, his head tucked into Pat’s neck and his body contorted a little bit to avoid laying on his stitches. It was a little blurry how they got here exactly, but it was the first taste of peace and he wasn’t going to give it up. Pran was close and calm and finally not one step away from shutting down again and that was all that mattered.
Sort of.
The elephant was still in the room, still painted bright in bright colors and still blaring a siren. It wasn’t something to ignore. Eventually, they’d have to face it. They’d have to discuss what happens next, what to say to their parents, what this meant for them. Pat didn’t really want to go back. As much as he loved his friends, his parents were too much pressure and this whole revelation only added to it. He wanted to just stay away forever with nothing but freedom and Pran.
That was the only thing that wasn’t up in the air or scary. Pran. He was the only sure thing.
But that sure thing was a lot less sure with guilt in the way.
“You need to go out shirtless more, you’ve got weird tan lines,” Pat said. His voice didn’t come out as playful as he wanted it to, but it was his first time being outright playful in a couple days so maybe he had to work back up to it.
Pran shifted, but the warmth of him never left.
“You’ve never complained before,” Pran said. His voice wasn’t all the way back to normal either, still showing how much this whole situation has affected him, but he was playing. That was enough to get Pat to smile just a bit.
“Point made,” Pat said, his fingers grazing up and down stomach.
If there was one good thing to come from this, it was how clear their comfortability with each other was now. As much as he liked playing and teasing Pran, Pat also loved and craved the moments where they could just be sweet without it feeling like it needed to be a game or a joke. He rarely got it when Pran wasn’t half asleep. Granted, he was just as much of a culprit. It was hard sometimes to do things like this seriously. He’d spent so many years being taught to hate Pran and be his rival and old habits die hard even when all he wanted to do was bury himself in everything Pran.
Adoration swelled in his stomach and he squeezed Pran a little bit just to get it out of his system. Pran grunted quietly and Pat pressed a kiss to the side of his face, his jaw, his shoulder.
"You're so cute," Pat said, earnest as ever, "I like you so much." 
"I didn't do anything," Pran said, his voice soft. Pat craned his head a little bit to look at his face without having Pran move at all.
He still looked out of it, even with the bath and little touches and attempt at playing. It was hard to reconcile with. Even when they were brutally outed to the school, Pran's freak out was short lived and most of his negative feelings tied back to Wai. This was different and Pat didn't know how to fix it.
It became very, very obvious very, very quickly that Pran's reaction wasn't just because of their parents finding out. It wasn't just because they discovered the true origin of their rivalry, it wasn't just because he had been pushed and slapped around by their parents. No, it didn't take long for Pat to understand that, after years of repressing every feeling and only letting them out in tiny, emoticon-shaped doses, his dam had broken. There was no magical fix to this as much as Pat wanted there to be. Pran had to feel his feelings and Pat just had to be there with him and make sure he didn't drown in them. As useless as it made him feel, it was all he could do. 
And after what his dad had caused, he was going to do the best damn job at it that he could.
"Yeah, you didn't. But I like you just like you are," Pat said, his hand scooping more water over his Pran's chest and then settling firmly over his heart as casually as he could make it.
"Even though I'm weird and friendless and overly competitive?" Pran asked. It was too seriously said, too obviously coming from a place that hadn't been healed since he was small. 
Pat thought about that stupid report card that had said he wasn't good at making friends and tried to think back at little Pran. He never seemed that way to him. He always seemed too good, too perfect, too charming and smart and talented. He didn't have a single memory that didn't seem to have all eyes on Pran. 
Though, he was beginning to think that was on him and not how it felt to Pran himself. 
"Especially because you're weird and over competitive. Where would the fun be if you didn't challenge me? That's what makes us so great," Pat said. Pran made a face and Pat smiled, dragging his hand up to touch his jaw. "But you're not friendless. You have so many people who love you and care about you, I don't give a shit what anyone says. Even Korn would throw down for you, that's gotta say something."
"Because of you," Pran said, turning his head away from Pat's hand just a bit. It would've hurt if he didn't turn away in favor of settling against his neck. 
"No. Well, yes, originally, but the guys really do like you now. Honestly, I think they like you more than me," Pat said. Pran huffed a disbelieving breath. "I'm serious! He's messaged me so many times to ask who he needs to beat and if we need anything. He always includes you."
"Okay."
"Do I need to release him on you? I don't think you can handle Korn in his full friend mode," Pat said. Pran rolled his eyes with his whole body in that way he does, melting Pat down with it as he cuddled closer. 
It was quiet again for a moment and Pat went back to staring at him, went back to dragging water over his skin. Pran's skin was soft, enticing in a way that was overwhelming. But it was even more so when he got to his hands, artist and guitarist calluses decorating them. His nails were long and well taken care of both for his craft and for who he was as a person. It was even more addictive. It was healing to think of those hands on him. Reviving to actually experience it.
Pat grabbed Pran's hand and pulled it up to his lips, kissing his palm and inhaling his scent. Pran didn't even pull away. 
"Pran," Pat said into his palm, not willing to move. 
"Yeah?"
"You're okay, right?" he asked, quietly. Pran shifted and tilted his head up towards Pat's. He could see him beyond his hand, the tired bags beneath his eyes, the sad tint of his forced smile, the way he was trying so hard to make Pat's guilt disappear.
"What are you talking about? I'm okay. I'm here with you, aren't I?" Pran asked. He twisted his hand out of Pat's grip but Pat could barely make a noise of protest before the hand went to the back of his neck. "I'd never thought I'd say this to you since you never think, but stop thinking." 
"Hey, I–" Pat started, but it had no weight as he was slowly being pulled towards the lips of the naked man lying on his chest.
"Kiss me," Pran said and Pat nodded, barely a moment of hesitation before Pran pulled him down all the way and pushed himself up to meet him.
Pran's mouth was as soft as the rest of him and he kissed like he had majored in it. It was strange, almost, to think that Pat had gone so long in his life without trying to kiss him. Especially now that he knew how good it was. He'd wasted so much time in high school. So much time in their first year of university. And even now, in this town with him, he felt like he was wasting time. It was like there was an hourglass taunting them.
He hated time more than he'd ever hated anything.
Pran turned until the front of him was pressed against Pat and Pat was unable to resist turning into him as well. It was a little uncomfortable in the cramped tub for them to both be on their sides like that, but wrapping himself up in Pran and vice versa made up for it. They slid down into the water a little more, their bodies making a loud noise as they did so and Pran laughed against his lips. Really laughed, as soft as it was.
Pat put his hand on his back and tugged him closer, breathing in his laughter like a drug he couldn't give up.
"We're too big for this tub, you know that, right?" Pran said into his mouth. He'd said it when Pat suggested the bath in the first place. Pat opened his eyes, nothing else in sight other than Pran's eyes. It looked like he had two sets, he was that close.
"Yeah," Pat agreed, rubbing his thumb against Pran's skin. It really was uncomfortable. One leg was out of the tub and his other was tangled in with Pran's, all of them cramped in to fit. He still didn't want to move. "When we get our own house, we'll make sure to get a bigger tub."
Pran let out a breath through his smile and Pat didn't have to move back to know he was blushing. 
"Ah, don't think you'll get this a lot. Baths are so gross, honestly, and worse with two people. Especially with someone like you, you sweat so much," Pran teased. 
"It saves water," Pat said, "I'm very environmentally conscious."
"Oh, you are? Okay," Pran said, "So we'll recycle too?"
"Of course."
"And you'll turn all the lights off without me having to tell you anything?" 
"Yes, Sir."
"Yes, Sir," Pran mocked through his teeth, smiling. It sounded so good. "Why are you like this?" His nails dug a bit into Pat's shoulder for emphasis, squeezing his thighs a bit around Pat's leg. He was teasing and Pat knew it, knew he was trying to cheer him up the way Pat had tried previously, but he couldn't keep up with it. He couldn't think about anything else other than having this closeness with him forever in their own house where no one could say shit.
They could just be. Like it was at the dorm, like it was here. But not temporary.
"And you know what the best part will be?" Pat asked. He could feel the way Pran's body changed at the serious tone of his voice. He wanted to be able to feel something that small forever. "I'll never have to sleep alone again."
Pran breathed out, his fingers sliding up and grazing over Pat's ear.
"Yeah," Pran said. And it was so sweet he said it like it was true when they both knew it wasn't. "Me neither."
And Pran kissed him again, more urgent than before, more like he was trying to convince him it was true. Touched him and grabbed him like he was enforcing it. Searing it into his skin that they were in this together.
And if Pat started crying again, at least they were in the water where no one could see.
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andvys · 3 years
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Longing (part 19)
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Warnings: angst
Pairing: Ellie Williams x reader 
You didn't know if letting Abby live was the right thing to do, it was the last thing you wanted and if it wasn't for Lev she would be dead right now but you couldn't do this not when he saved your life even though you were no one to him. 
It almost broke your heart seeing a child like this, crying and begging to not kill someone who seems to be important to them. You were in this position before so if you knew what it was like to feel like this, how could make someone else go through it?
You thought about the way you grew up, you saw your father kill people, like it was the easiest thing in the world, like it was the most normal thing in the world. You were forced to kill too and it was anything but easy and it shouldn't be normal either but in this world it was, it became normal to you and it made you feel sick.
Children grow up in this cruel world, full of hope and innocence that gets taken away from them as soon as they are put in situations they shouldn't be in. You thought about Dina’s and Jesse’s unborn child, it would grow up in this horrible world too and who know’s how long Dina and Jesse would be alive. Parents always die in this world and their children are left behind.
It was a scary thought but anyone could die out there any day. Jesse almost died already. Tommy almost died. Ellie almost died. 
Ellie..
If Ellie died, Abby would be dead too, no exceptions. 
You would kill her without hesitation. If you would have lost Ellie, you would have lost the last part of yourself anyways so killing Abby wouldn't do you any harm anymore. You'd be dead inside anyways, Ellie was what was keeping you still alive.
But Ellie was still alive and you knew that if you would have killed Abby, Lev would have probably killed you and you weren't ready to die yet, you still wanted to spend the rest of your time here with Ellie.
You just didn't know if she wanted the same thing.
Things have been tense on the way back home, after they all recovered from their injuries, you found a car that would bring you back home. You got into a fight with Ellie and Tommy about keeping Abby alive but Tommy agreed in the end and decided that the council in Jackson would decide what to do with her.
Ellie ignored you all the way back home to Jackson. It hurt but you didn't expect anything else from her. You wanted Abby dead just as much as she did but Tommy was right when he said that letting Abby live with the guilt of knowing that her friends were dead because of her was punishment enough, especially when she was locked away in a cell and only had that to think about for the rest of her life.
Once you got back to Jackson, Ellie immediately rushed past you once a group of people guided Abby and Lev away. You stood there watching her walk away from you. Was that it? 
It seemed like your little romance was short lived, you didn't think that she would ever forgive you.
A hand patted your shoulder, looking up you found Jesse giving you a sad smile “she’ll come around.” he said.
Shaking your head, “no she won't.” you said, looking down in pain.
“oh my god, Jesse!” you heard Dina yell in relief, she came running towards him, hugging him tightly.
“Dina.” He immediately hugged her back.
You decided to step back and let them have their moment, you grabbed your backpack and your weapons and turned around to leave only to be stopped by Dina.
“Hey where do you think you're going?” you heard Dina ask, turning around she had a hand on her hip, looking at you with a stern expression on her face. 
Chuckling at her, you put your stuff down, she looked at you in concern. Eying all the cuts and bruises that were still visible on your skin, your left arm was hanging limply by your side. Ever since Abby pulled that arrow out, you could barely move it. You were sure that she damaged a nerve.
You tried to give her a genuine smile but you knew you couldn't bullshit Dina into thinking that you were okay, she always knew when something was wrong and she could tell right away that you went through hell out there. 
You walked towards her and she immediately put her arms around you, pulling you in. You immediately hugged her back, you missed her. 
You felt a wave of sadness crashing down on you, tears welled up in your eyes and you couldn't hold them back any longer, you started crying silently.
“It's okay (y/n), I got you.” she whispered, rubbing your back gently.
Jesse stood back and watched the scene with a painful expression on his face. He knew how much you struggled back there and having Ellie treat you like you were nothing to her, just made your situation even worse.
“Come on, let’s get you into the infirmary.” Dina said
You nodded your head and pulled away from the hug, looking down at the floor you picked your things up and looked up at her and Jesse, nodding your head at them. 
“Alright, the bruises are almost healed and some of these cuts will leave scars, nothing major however I'm afraid, you won't be able to use your arm properly anymore. The arrow damaged a nerve.” the doctor explained. 
You nodded your head, you guessed it already on the way back home, you weren't able to move it around like before and you knew something was wrong, it was horrible. What was even more horrible was the pitiful stares you've gotten from the others. Even Ellie, she was ignoring you but you could feel her eyes on you all the damn time and it drove you crazy. They also didn't even let you kill one infected on the way back home and you were sure you could say goodbye to your swords.
“I’m not saying it won't recover, there might be a slight chance that it could heal but just don't rely on it too much.” he said, giving you pitiful look.
“For now I want you to rest, no going on patrols or anything like that alright?” 
“Yeah, thanks doc.” you said, nodding your head at him you got up and walked out of the infirmary where Dina and Jesse were waiting for you.
“I told you guys, you can go home.” you said, they should spend their time together now and not with you.
Dina rolled her eyes at you while Jesse ignored what you said “what did the doc say?” he asked.
“He said what I already thought happened, nerve damage. I won't be able to move my arm properly and I shouldn't have too much hope for a recovery.” you said, shrugging acting like it didn't affect you.
Dina inhaled sharply, looking at you in worry, living in this world was difficult enough already and not being able to use your arm properly anymore meant that you couldn't fight anymore or at least not like before. 
“Fuck.. I’m sorry (y/n)..” Jesse said, not knowing what else to say.
“It’s fine.. you guys should go home.” 
Dina wanted to say something but you interrupted her “no seriously, go home, I kinda want to be alone right now and I’m tired and I just want to take a shower and sleep for the rest of the week.” you said, giving them a small smile.
They both looked at you sadly. Before they could say anything, you hugged them and told them good night.
You walked past Joel’s house, stopping for a second. The lights were off and it just looked empty, well it was empty. He should've been there, sitting on his porch, playing guitar.
Shaking your head, you continued walking, wanting to just get home and go sleep and forget about everything. 
Opening the door to your small house, you turned on the lights, finding everything still the way it was before.
You went into your bedroom and put your stuff down, taking off your jacket you threw it on the floor and grabbed some fresh clothes before you went into the bathroom to take a shower. 
You turned the water on, waiting for it to get a little warmer. You took your clothes off as best as you could with using just one arm. You looked into the mirror, your reflection stared back at you, you couldn't even recognize yourself anymore. You looked empty and broken. Blinking your tears away you turned around and got into the shower, sighing at the feeling of warm water against your skin, you let your mind relax for a while before it drifted off to things you didn't wanted to think about again.
You were tired. Tired of fighting and killing, you didn't want to do this anymore. You didn't even remember how many people you killed and it left you with a sickening feeling. You have taken so many life’s as if it was okay. You let your tears fall freely now. It was too much, everything was just too much for you. The pain you were in was unbearable and not having Ellie with you now made it even worse.
The thought that she might hate you now put you into an even more miserable state. Not being able to hold your cries in anymore, you started sobbing. You went through this before, a few weeks ago or was it months already? you had no clue, so much time has past already. Your fight back then almost seemed childish to you now, compared to the pain you both were in now. 
After you managed to calm down, you got out of the shower. It was a struggle to put your clothes on but you managed. You didn't realize what shirt you put on until you looked down realizing it was the shirt that Ellie gave you when you slept over at her house for the first time, it was the shirt that Joel gave her. 
It still smelt like her, you'd have to give it back but you'd keep it for yourself for now, at least as long as it still smelt like her. Ellie might never forgive you and she might never be in your arms again but you needed her and it was the only thing that came closest to her right now.
You sat down on your bed, staring at the wall you thought about her, you wondered what she was doing right now or what she was feeling, if she was thinking about you.
You snapped out of your thoughts when you heard knocking on your door. Furrowing your brows, you had no clue who that could be, you got up and walked towards your door, opening it you found Maria standing there with a small box in her hand.
“Hey.” you said, looking at her in confusion.
“Hello (y/n), can I come inside?” she asked, smiling slightly.
You immediately stepped aside, “yes of course.” 
You closed your door after she walked in, “I made you something to eat, I figured you'd be hungry.” she said, putting the box on your table.
“Thanks Maria, I appreciate that.” you said, smiling at her, you sat down on your sofa, gesturing for her to take a seat.
She sat down next to you, you knew she wasn't just here to bring you something to eat, she wanted to talk about something.
“Doc told me about your arm, I’m sorry about that (y/n).” she said, giving you a pitiful smile.
“It’s fine, I’m sure it will recover.” you lied, you didn’t believe in a recovery but you didn’t need people to see you lose hope.
“I hope so but till then no patrols for you.” she said, with a stern voice.
Nodding your head, “I figured..” you trailed off “so what brings you here?” you asked.
“I just wanted to check up on you and tell you, what you did, letting her live I mean, not everyone could have done that.” she said “It requires a lot of strength to let someone you want dead so bad live and I respect that.” she said “especially because this situation was so personal to you.” 
You were surprised to hear that, Ellie and Tommy definitely did not respect your decision. While Tommy did agree on taking Abby back as a prisoner he was sure that Maria and the council would choose to execute her. All the way back to Jackson both Ellie and Tommy treated you poorly. Jesse was nice as always but you weren't sure what he thought about you letting Abby live.
“You're gonna make a great Leader one day (y/n).” Maria stated. 
Your eyes widened at her, shocked about her words “L-Leader?” you stuttered.
“Yeah, I gotta step back one day and you are the only person here that I could imagine seeing as the new Leader of Jackson.” she told you, surprising you further. 
“Me?” you couldn't believe that she would consider letting you become the Leader. You didn't even think you were a good fighter and here she was basically promising you such a high position.
Nodding her head “Yes you, don't be so surprised. You have to stop underestimating yourself.” she said “You got all the qualities a great leader needs. You are strong, you know how to fight, you can make tough decisions even when everyone else is against them and you still kept your humanity all along.” she added.
You didn't know what to say, you felt so overwhelmed hearing this, her words meant a lot to you. You always looked up to Maria and hearing her say this made you feel a lot better.
“Thank you Maria, this means a lot to me.” you said, giving her a grateful smile.
“I’m proud of the woman you've become, Joel would've been proud of you too.” she said, giving you a smile. 
You weren't sure if he would be proud of you but you nodded your head not wanting to disagree with her, you smiled at her before looking down at your hands when you felt tears well up in your eyes. You didn't wanted her to see you cry.
“Alright, we’ll talk about the other things tomorrow, I should go and you should eat something and get some sleep.” she said, getting up.
She meant Abby and Lev when she said other things.
“I will. thank you, for every for everything.” you told her.
“Of course.” she replied, smiling at you before she left, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 
You weren't sure if you could sleep alone, you spend all your nights with Ellie on the way to Seattle when she catched up to you and even on the way back home she stayed near you, even if she didn't touch you, you knew she was there and you felt safe sleeping knowing that she was somewhat close to you but now you were alone in this empty home. 
Home, that's not what it was, it was just a house, an empty house with an empty person.
You laid down on your bed and stared up at the ceiling. “what now?” you asked yourself, where would you go from here? 
Joel was gone and so was a part of you. you lost a part of yourself the day he died and you lost a part of yourself in Seattle and now with Ellie gone you felt like you were losing the last part of yourself. 
Closing your eyes, you tried to think of something else, you just wanted to fall asleep and forget about everything for a while.
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prof-peach · 4 years
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Saved the naughtiest and somewhat saddest for last. Pammela when shes misbehaving, otherwise just Pam.
So Pam started off as a part of a trio of Pancham, that were re-released into the wild after being caught by poachers, along side her two parent Pangoro, so in total a family of five. She was the youngest cub, with two older brothers, and quite honestly a doting set of parents who despite everything were very calm and good, having raised a few cubs before her set. We managed to find a good safe place to take her family to, so they could try again at a peaceful life. We work a lot with pokemon who can be sent back to where they belong, or where they feel most at home, and we knew this family unit was ready! unfortunately for us, and more so for Pam, we had not predicted the raid that would be enacted on the area we had released them into. 
Pam after going through one scary event of being poached and caged and shipped around to be sold, had it happen a second time. Incredibly unlucky is the only way to describe it. We heard about the attack by Rockets and came by to see what the damage was. Pam was the sole survivor, they whipped up her brothers to cart off to an auction house, and her two parents fought hard but perished to poachers, as the thugs couldn't capture them and instead went for the cubs. She was found amongst the wreckage of her den, totally alone, she did however recognise myself and Grey who had returned to help and inspect. We couldn't leave her behind, she was utterly terrified of being in the wild after two bad events so close together, no family, no friends. Perhaps it was partially guilt about being responsible for what happened, both myself and Grey blame ourselves for what transpired there, and so we took her back to the island with us. She had a very rocky first year with us, getting into fights with everyone, the only pokemon she warmed up to in that time was Booker, my dear Teddiursa who had gone through a very similar situation in his lifetime and sympathised with her. It kept her in good company as she tried to make the best of a bad situation. 
It wasn't until that next year that we happened to hatch Andy and Olly, the twin Tyrogues who Grey keeps with us. Maybe they reminded her of her brothers, we chalk it up to that, they have sort of similar personalities, but she took the ‘big sister’ role really seriously and went about teaching them how to be the naughtiest in the house. She began to repair with them around, started to eat better, chat with them, and then in turn others around them, started partaking in games and activities with others, and after another half a year we caught her laughing for the first time in a very long time.
Ever since, Pam has been uncomfortable with other Pangoro, so we've let her choose where and who she spends her time with, which is usually in the home, or out in the gardens, running circles around the others, and getting up to no good. She’s very smart, and quite defensive and stand offish when confronted, but we cannot blame her for this at all, and instead try to channel that energy into teaching the younger pokemon her sneaky clever ways. She’s quite the tactician, and seems to analyse things at a breakneck pace compared to others of her kind. Sharp as a tack is our Pam. 
She has been an important marker in our work, we change how we handle re-releases now, events like that stay with us, and we just cant forget them, or fully get over it. She is both living proof of our success and our failures. None the less, we have seen her become kind, and sometimes even sweet with her brotherly Tyrogue brothers, who now tower over her, but still listen and respect her wise words, and follow her devious and tricky plans. She is still against re-release, and doesn't trust being away from the island very much, so we feel she’s more than likely going to hang around for a long while with us, and we’re just fine with that. Pam has been a good influence on shy and reserved pokemon, and often can get them to come out of their shell fast. her experiences have also left her understanding of those who come to us with similar circumstances, so she’s very patient with others who have lost family. We use her as a buddy for youngsters who may need company and support after such incidents, and they warm to her very well.
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ravysu · 3 years
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Sannin headcanons and thoughts
The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central
This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.
Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.
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1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.
2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).
3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.
4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.
5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.
6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..
7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.
8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.
9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.
10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.
11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.
12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe
13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen
ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.
14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).
15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.
16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.
17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.
18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).
19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.
20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".
21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.
22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.
23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).
24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.
25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.
26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao
27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.
28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi
29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways
30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.
Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.
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hyunjilicious · 4 years
Text
that night [harry styles]
A best friends to something else type of story. Exactly 7.8k (literally 7800 words which is scary) and you know I can’t write that much without SMUT. This takes place during a sleepover at the end of quarantine! Maybe tell me what you thought? :) (I promise I’ll edit this soon!)
-
“Show me yer phone, love” Harry groaned, sending you the coldest of death stares. The night started off as usual, you two just watching some old documentaries, paying more or less attention to them as you mostly just sat and talked. Things took a turn when your phone started blowing up with messages. Being the kind of person who always replies in an instant, suspicions arose when you decided to completely ignore the texts. Although Harry never violated your privacy and never pushed you for answers you didn’t want to give, when you started laughing and got nervous about whoever it was that kept texting you, he figured it would be worth it to push your buttons.
“I said no” you repeated yourself, standing up from the couch. There were two main reasons you didn’t want to talk about the person texting you, and these 2 reasons were also probably the only two things in the world you wouldn’t want to discuss with him.
“Why no’?” he asked offended, following you into the kitchen, like a small child begging his parents to let him have his way, “What can be tha’ bad? I wouldn’t have asked any questions if yeh hadn’t been so off about it from the start”
You turned and looked at him dead in the eye, contemplating what to say next. He beat you to it.
“Is it a guy? Have you been seein’ someone?” Harry asked as he walked over to you, completely ignoring your personal space. “Is tha’ it? I don’t wanna read yeh texts, just tell me yes or no, and I’ll drop it. Promise”
You took a deep breath. “Yes, it’s a guy” you said calmly, “But we’re not seeing each other”
“Then why does he keep texting yeh like crazy?”
“Crazy…” you sighed, tapping your chin, “Good description”
“Come on, Y/n” Harry whined, tapping your shoulder as he walked past you and towards the refrigerator, “Just tell me, I’m really curious, crazy how?”
“Promise you’re not gonna freak out?” you laughed, grabbing whatever he was pulling out of the fridge and handing to you. You stopped paying attention after three cups of pudding and one bottle of wine.
“When have I ever freaked out?” he joked, mocking himself. He was usually a calm person, more composed than anyone you’ve ever met, and he less than rarely got angry. And from those times when he did lose his temper, 90% of cases were mild and he was still calmer than anyone else in that kind of situation, but that 10% left was pure terror. When his friends told you years ago that nothing’s scarier than Harry when he was truly mad, you didn’t quite believe them. You had to see for yourself to accept it. It only happened a few times in almost 5 years, but you always still did everything you could to keep him from going off again.
“Ok, so” you started speaking as you rummaged around your kitchen for bowls and glasses, “His name is Marcus and we actually met on Tinder-”
“Wait a second” he cut you off, “During the lock down?”
“Oh, no. It happened before all of this madness. Around january, I think”
It was obvious he was already bothered by how this conversation started, but he did his best to control himself so you wouldn’t decide to drop it. “Pretty serious, then, huh?” he said eventually.
“Literally the opposite” you laughed, pouring the pudding into the bowl, “We saw each other once-” and it hurt you to say the following part but you did it nonetheless, “hooked up, and didn’t talk since”
Pure annoyance was readable on his features. “Apparently haven’t talked until now?”
“Yeah, I mean-” you cringed, “He texted me like a week or so ago and we didn’t - vibe, and he got weird, so like I muted the conversation for 7 days because I didn’t want him to bother me anymore but he got so defensive it was funny so I didn’t really wanna block him”
“Yeh muted the guy a week ago and he still keeps trying?” Harry asked, completely taken aback, “Can’t blame him, but still, tha’s a bit much”
“It is” you nodded in agreement, and motioned for him to open the bottle of wine for you.
“He must have liked yeh a lot” he mumbled, twisting the corkscrew into the top of the bottle, “Maybe you two had a really great time, and he-”
“Harry” you stopped him, leaning your head to the side, “I know you’re squeezing information out of me right now, but I honestly don’t think you want to hear more of this”
“Ok” he sighed defeated, “I’m gonna stop pushin’ yeh. Thanks for tellin’ me tho. And sorry if I crossed any lines''
“You haven’t, H” you smiled, giving him a hug from behind. “It’s fine”
After gathering everything you had fixed up to take into the living room, the pudding and the wine, as you passed the threshold of the kitchen, you heard Harry speak up, traces of amusement audible in his voice. “But like… At least was the sex good?”
“You want me to answer that?” you chuckled, plopping down on the couch. “Do you seriously want me to answer that?”
“Yeah” Harry shrugged, smiling innocently.
“It was horrible” you said bluntly and watched his grin wilt away. “Probably the worst sex I’ve ever had. No, no, no.. Definitely the worst sex I have ever had in my entire life”
His mouth fell agape. “Seriously? Why?”
“Well, i got to his house… And you know, up until then everything was fine, like he seemed like a completely normal and fun guy while we texted but like, as soon as i got to his place he became really… I don’t even know how to put it, he was um.. Very clingy and weird and we talked for a bit but then when we went to his room he turned into literally the biggest asshole I met”
“What?” Harry exclaimed, “Tha’s not wha’ I expected”
“Exactly!” you laughed, “Neither did I!”
“Then wha’ happened?”
“I went down on him and he didn’t do the same because apparently he finds that gross? That’s what he told me but I didn’t wanna get into it because I went there to get dick so I was like let’s just fuck, and we did… We made out a bit, got him worked up again, and when we fucked I literally thought something was wrong with me, because he just.. I don’t know. Bumped into me and after he finished I was there like… What just happened?”
“Yeh were right when yeh said I didn’t wanna hear this”
“Told you” you giggled, grabbing your pudding and toying with your teaspoon.
“Jus’ stop using Tinder, please” Harry eventually shook his head.
“A girl has needs, ok?”
He was enraged and completely ignored your words, “And wha’ does he want from yeh now? He really thinks yeh’d see him again? Really?”
“I don’t even know what he’s been saying, honestly” you shrugged.
“Can I see?” 
“Can you like, read from the notification box? I don’t wanna leave him on seen”
Harry nodded in agreement and you gave him your phone. He pressed the lock button, the screen lit up, and it was instantly flooded with texts from him. Since you put the conversation on mute a week ago, you had no idea what he had been saying. It seemed that he didn’t appreciate your lack of interest and that he didn’t bother to hold back.
‘You pathetic whore, u really think ur gonna find someone better than me? U think ur so high and mighty and hot but  ur gonna die alone you bitch. Do u feel better about yourself if u juts ignore my texts???? Well good for fucking u-’ and Harry locked the phone, the screen going black.
“The fuck did I just read?” he questioned, his annoyance from earlier, now morphing into pure anger.
“You said you wanted to read” you shook your head.
“Why does he think he can talk to yeh like that?”
“I don’t honestly care” you sighed, “It’s not like I’ll ever see him again, so he can go and say anything he wants”
“‘S not how that works, darlin’” he said.
"Can we drop this, please" you sighed, unable to quite look in his direction, "I don't like this"
"Well-" Harry erupted and judging by the way his voice instantly died down, you could tell he almost lost control, "I don't fucking like it either, ok? But yeh shouldn't jus' accept tha'!"
"I wouldn't call it acceptance, H" you shook your head, discarding your bowl of pudding and jumping straight to the bottle of wine. "I told him I'm not interested, and I stopped replying. It's not acceptance... he just keeps trying"
"But for some reason yeh're letting him talk t' yeh like tha'"
"Well-" you shrugged, and took a big gulp of red wine, "He talks by himself"
"Y/n…" Harry called, his voice soft and you could tell that there was anger hidden somewhere deep inside, but you still appreciated the fact that he managed to keep it contained. He extended his arm, his fingers brushing against the side of your thigh. It was a soft, delicate touch, that made every hair on your body stand up. He did it to get your attention and boy, did it work. Instantly, your eyes snapped to his, and were met with something you did not see coming. "Can I say something?" he asked cautiously, his eyes shining with genuine worry.
"You're making this into something much more significant than it actually is"
"I'll drop it" he eventually nodded, "If you promise me something"
"What?"
"If anythin' similar to this happens again, tell me"
"And what are you gonna do about it?" you giggled, trying to lighten the mood. As you kept staring into his green eyes, you brought the wine bottle up to your lips, took a long sip, and then handed it to him.
He took the bottle out of your hands, seemingly not giving more than two shits about it. The warmth in his eyes accentuated as his eyebrows gathered into a concerned furrow, "Make sure it doesn't get to yeh"
"It doesn't" you smiled.
"Lemme make sure" 
"Ok, Harry" you laughed, "I promise you that the next time a guy from Tinder gets mad about me not reciprocating the feeling, and he starts sending me that kind of texts, I will tell you"
The sarcasm just flowed out of you, and he was not impressed.
"I meant in general, love"
"Any guy?" you taunted, "Not just from tinder?"
"Fucking put on tha’ movie" he shook his head, "I know yeh too well. Won't get anywhere until you get some wine in tha’ belly"
"That's your plan?" you laughed, "Get me drunk and make me spill all my secrets?"
"I never assumed you had any secrets, but yeah, now I wanna know those too" Harry grinned, throwing his arm around you and pulling you to his chest. Although this kind of intimacy was something you've been somewhat used to, tonight it was just a bit more difficult to bear. And it may all have been due to the way he mentioned he wouldn’t want anything to get to your head, and the way he said he’d make sure of it. Even though you weren’t truly clear how he’d do that and what exactly was going through his head, it was crystal clear how you’d have him do that.
But now was not the time. You glued your eyes to the TV screen, and begged your brain to focus on the movie in front of you and not whatever Harry was thinking about, mere inches away from you.
There had been something in the air that night, because neither of you managed to pay any kind of attention to the movie anymore. You talked, the conversation not going back to the previous topic, you laughed, gossiped like there was no tomorrow, and now it was almost 4am, and you and Harry were 3 bottles of wine in. Deciding to cut the alcohol before it was too late, you settled for water, as Harry went on to finish a weird story he once heard from a hippie touring the states in his van. He was completely smitten, his eyes shone with admiration for the old man. Harry spoke with words of great respect about a life he wished he could once live. It was only a matter of time until it would get to you.
“But,” you sighed, laying down and placing your head into his lap, “You really seem like the kind of guy to pack his bags and just leave. Like get a couple of friends or something, leave a note saying you’ll eventually be back, and just travel around the world”
“I kinda already do tha’ love” Harry laughed, double chin showing as he looked down at you.
“Not what I meant” you shook your head, “And you know it”
“Wha’ did yeh mean, then?”
He looked down at you, his hands finding their way into your hair as you contemplated how to put the words together. “I don’t know… Less social interaction-” you finally said, “Make it less about living the same songs in front of thousands of people, and more about living a completely new experience as you really get to know just a handful of people”
He didn’t look convinced. His dimples were showing, and a chuckle was threatening to escape his lips.
“That didn’t make any sense, did it?” you laughed.
“It did” Harry smiled, “Might have’ta resume this in tha’ morning, but i think i got the idea”
You pointed your finger to him, “Best”
“Me?” he grinned, grabbing your hand, “Oh, stop it!”
“Not you, your idea”
“Nice save, love”
You wanted to object and keep this topic going as the butterflies in your stomach started to riot, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, the sound of your phone receiving another text filled the air. In an instant, your eyes locked with Harry’s and you knew he wasn’t gonna let any of that shit slide. Not wanting to give him the chance to protest, you sprung up and leaned towards the coffee table, your fingers barely managing to brush against the side of your phone before Harry grabbed your waist and yanked you back, pressing you against the cushions of the sofa as he hovered above you.
The intimacy and urgency of this whole charade made your skin crawl, and you couldn’t help but let a few giggles escape, “What are you doing?” you laughed.
“Not lettin’ tha’ asshole ruin your night, love” Harry smirked, tilting your head so that you had to face him. 
“I’ll see the text in the morning and it will ruin my whole day” you played along, but as it turned out, you dug your own grave.
“Oh?” he grinned, “So it does get to you”
“No!” you belted, “That is not what I meant, Jesus harry”
“Come on, hon” 
His head tilted to the side, before he leaned down and nudged the tip of your nose with his. “Jus’ say the word”
That sent burning chills down your spine, and your cheeks couldn’t do anything but to comply and turn an erotic shade of pink.
“I’m not sure what to say” you mumbled, fighting against the urge to jump on him.
“I’m yer best friend, love-” he made a small pause, for dramatic effect, and just stared down at you while your blood boiled, “Lemme show yeh how good yeh can feel”
“I-”
He cut you off, obviously proud of himself, “I obviously wouldn’t have asked twice if I hadn’t felt you squeeze your thighs around me”
“Fuck, Harry-” you said, embarrassment rushing all over you as you threw your hands in the air.
He leaned down, and brushed his lips along your jaw, “Yeh could be screaming tha’ name”
Regaining your composure, you grabbed his chin and forced him to make eye contact once again, “What does this mean to you?”
“It doesn’t have t’ mean anything we don’t want it to” he nodded, “Just friends looking out of one another”
“Mhm..” you choked, “Yep”
“Tell me, and I’ll get off of you”
Your answer came a short second later. “Yeah, get off” you said sternly.
His features barely got a chance to show the disappointment that enveloped him, because as soon as the words left your mouth, you pushed yourself up. Excitement started showing on his face as you pushed yourself up. With a devilish smile on your lips, you grabbed the hem of his shirt; not giving him a chance to secure his balance on his knees before you pulled the material up his body. He clumsily shuffled out of it, his tattoos coming into full view.
“Is that a new one” you asked, pointing to his left shoulder.
To your surprise he took you seriously, and looked down, obviously confused, “Which one, love?”
“This one” you grinned, pushing yourself up and against his chest, this way, giving yourself a chance to press your lips to the base of his neck.
Harry’s whole body shivered under you as he let out a small chuckle. Instantly, his hands found your waist. Once your lips grazed his sensitive skin, the muscles of his neck relaxed as if under a spell and his head fell back. Harry’s fingers dug into your sides as your teeth sunk his flesh, sucking profusely. Having waited for this so many years, it felt all too real and completely unreal at the same time. There was a fire burning inside of you and the soft moans slipping past his lips were no help with taming it.
“Having fun?” Harry laughed, but his confidence and usual air of self control were shaking.
As a response, you bit into his ear lobe and delighted yourself with the whimpers of pleasure he didn’t even try to hide.
Although burning for it, you didn’t have it in you to go for his lips, so when he was the one to do it, all your radars went crazy. The way he grabbed your chin and pulled you closer, it was all you wished for. Years worth of pent up emotions dripped from your lips and onto his.
How ungrateful and inappropriate would it have been for you to beg for more and guide the situation in a different direction? Even if his gentleness made your knees weak, the heat between your legs begged for a less kissing and a lot more biting. 
It was when he pressed you down against him that made you forget about everything that held you back. His erection was rubbing against your thigh as you grinded down on him, and you couldn’t help but break the kiss and sink your teeth into his lower lip.
Harry threw his head back against your touch, and a proud smile lifted up the corners of your mouth.
“Come on” you moaned, kissing your way down to his ear, “Show me how you should treat a girl”
His fingers snuck into your hair and pulled your head back, forcing your eyes to meet his’, “Is it me? Or are yeh a bit more excited for this than you initially let on?”
Your eyes sparkled as you let out the fib, “It’s just you”
Grinning, he shook his head in mock approval, and secured you in his hold, before effortlessly spinning the two of you around. Now, a mess of limbs, you looked up at Harry with what could only be described as pure lust. And it all reflected on his features. His ridiculously messy curls framed his face perfectly, allowing his proud gaze to fuel your engines.
With all your might you wanted to let him take the lead and not show too much enthusiasm, but it felt next to impossible. Before you knew it, your hands were cupping his cheeks again, forcing his body flush against your own. He kissed you back with no hesitation, as if he too waited years for this to finally happen, as if this was his dumb way of confessing to you that he too, was head over heels for you. But that was a scenario that regardless of its likelihood, was sure to ruin your mood. 
So you pushed it aside, forced your mind to fall on standby, and instead, you concentrated on the way his hands explored every single inch of your body. When he broke the kiss, you wanted to protest, your tongue crying from the sudden loss of contact. But his lips traveled lower, kissing all the way over down your neck, along your collarbones, and across your chest. It was all aggravated and hungry, as if he couldn’t get enough. 
“Yeh good?” Harry asked, looking up at you, cheeks all flushed.
“Yep, yeah” you whispered, the weight of the moment turning your voice into a light chuckle. Breathless and innocent, you were on cloud nine, and all your struggles to keep that hidden were in vain.
Delicately, as only he could, Harry pushed your shirt over your head, leaving you exposed, a fact which sent a whole new wave of pleasure down your body. This gesture alone shook your whole world, but he wasn't wasting any time. You barely even got a chance to catch your breath before he lowered himself, and cupped your breasts into his palms. Your back arched in an instant, and when his warm lips connected to your skin, goosebumps propagated all over your whole body. As circled his lips and caught your nipple between his teeth, your mind went crazy, muscles sizzling with anticipation. A suggestive moan slipped from your throat, and you could tell it surely tickled his ego.
“Gettin’ there?” he questioned even if he already knew the answer.
You threw him half a shrug, tilting your head to the side and pressing your cheek to your shoulder.
“So fuckin’ cute, angel” Harry chuckled, shaking his head as he crawled up your body, “Why’re yeh so cute?”
“How would I know?” you blushed, playing along with his overly teasing approach, “You’re the one who sad it”
“Don’t know why I think yeh’re cute?”
You nodded no.
A small but sure fire lit up his features, and he knew it was on. He did maintain the eye contact for a while, but when he finally looked down at your body, nonchalantly staring at your chest, that was when your breath got caught in your throat. The pressure was building up, yet Harry kept pushing your buttons. 
In desperate need to pick up the pace, you nudged his chin with the back of your fingers, and when his eyes caught yours; you raised one eyebrow, motioning for him to continue. “Wha’ do yeh want me t’ tell yeh, love?” Harry grinned, leaning down to kiss your neck.
“Tell me what you like about me” you laughed, linking your fingers in his hair. While you laughed due to the amount of different emotions that coursed through you, Harry made it all the more difficult for you to keep it together. His kisses were light enough for you to feel the ounces of love that dripped from his lips, but carnal enough to keep you on your toes.
“I love everything about yeh” he murmured against your skin, his chain of passionate kisses crossing over to the other side of your neck, “I mean, wha’s there not t’ like?”
“Word” you giggled, your sarcasm coming in perfect contrast to the weakness his question brought to your knees.
“Fuckin’ love every inch” Harry said, having completely ignored your joke, “Every single part of yeh, yer body and god, yer mind”
His hands cupped the sides of your rib cage, as his lips traveled down your sternum. He seemed lost, completely absorbed. Every time he looked up at you, it was impossible not to notice how out of this world his eyes seemed. Glossy and dark, extravagant green looking to explore more of you. And those were only the times you managed to catch him staring. The pleasure this man provided surpassed the moaning level, he got you working hard not to scream in ecstasy, as his tongue ran laps around your nipples, and the way his lips sucked with that specific amount of pressure. It looked as if he already knew where all your buttons were, he acted as if he knew your body better than you did. And for you, that was a new experience, which would’ve already been too much, even without Harry involved. But seeing your fingers get lost in his absolutely perfect in a messy kind of way locks, as he treated your skin with such refined skill, you found yourself way too close to the edge.
In the high of the moment, probably following an unidentifiable stimulus, you found yourself concentrated on the way his palms felt against your skin. He held you in his arms as if you were the most precious thing he ever laid eyes on. And for some reason, that feeling alone had you skyrocketing.
It was when you moaned out loud, for the first time not holding back, that he finally decided to give you what he promised. 
“Yeh sure this is ok, angel, yeah?” he murmured, looking up at you. 
His light stubble tickled the lower side of your abdomen as his breath barely managed to reach your skin. 
“Yeah” you clumsily nodded, your words coated in fervid enthusiasm.
Something happened. Something clicked inside of him. You saw it in the way his eyes warmed up. For a second he didn’t move, instead he just took in everything that was happening. When he eventually pushed himself up, you expected him to help you or motion for you to undress, but he didn’t. Harry lowered himself on top of you, pressing his chest against your own.
His fingers locked themselves against your chin, “I really wanna fucking do this right for yeh”
His confession took you aback. The seriousness in this tone was not something you anticipated. At first, he was the one who made it all seem like a meaningless game, yet right now, it seemed as though he fell into his own trap. 
All you could do was nod. Nod in approval, nod as a sign for him to keep going. As a promise that it was all ok. This attitude of his was not something you signed up for. Even if it looked like the beginning of what you always wanted, it also felt a little bit too sudden.
“Come here” you cooed, cupping his cheeks in a loving manner.
In an instant, he leaned into your touch, his skin burning against your damp palms. For the x-th time that evening, his lips melted onto yours, but something felt different. But you kept going, allowed the moment to carry you further without giving yourself the burden of dictating a direction. 
And seconds passed, and with each one, his touch became more and more aggravated. You could feel his need, and you have loved to think that what you were feeling from him was love, but it was just too big of a step to take right now. Not too shortly after, the situation escalated towards the point you left off earlier. You let him take the lead, and he soon returned to his usual self.
Harry made his way down your body through a chain of lingering kisses, each one of them awakening yet another side of you. This time, you were given no time to prepare. His experienced hands grabbed your thighs, groping their way up to your hips. Although it was fairly fast, it felt like an eternity. You breathing picked up when his fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of your leggings, and without even thinking about it, you pushed yourself up, allowing him to take them off. 
Now, you hadn’t seen this coming, because if you had, you probably would have chosen to wear something less embarrassing than your Superman underwear. Your cheek heated up as if it was the first time a man had seen you naked, and all your insecurities washed over you. None of those thoughts crossed Harry’s mind though. 
He just smiled - a gesture whose roots you’d never know. 
Harry positioned himself between your legs, his fingers gingerly tracing up and down your outer thighs. “Really fucken gorgeous, yeh know tha’?”
His compliments have never been this hard to receive, “Shut up” you chuckled, rolling your eyes as you couldn't help but squirm under his stare.
“Wha’?” Harry grinned, leaning his head to the side as he let his teasing side take over, 
“Tha’ tinder fuckface never told yeh just how perfect yeh look?”
“This is still about him, huh?”
“It’s about yeh, love” Harry rolled his eyes, letting his nails graze your skin, “Always been about yeh, always will be”
With each word that let his mouth, he leaned down, lower and lower, until every inch of his body was pressing against your own. He dominated the moment, and you love it.
When he engulfed your lips into a kiss, his right hand traveled between your legs. That alone made your core vibrate, and knowing there was no way to hide your enthusiasm, made you smile.
You felt the back of his fingers trace up and down your opening, and his words confirmed your suspicions. He pulled away from your lips just enough so he could speak, but he was still too close for you to properly see his features - he was just a few literal inches away, “I can’t wait to taste yeh, doll”
The grin on his lips and the pride of his tone, had a visible effect on you. The hairs on your body stood up in anticipation, and you couldn’t help but arch your back and close your legs around him. You kissed him back, and this time, it was on.
As his tongue pushed past your lips, Harry’s hands lewdly traveled down your sides, caressing every inch of exposed skin they found in their way. You didn’t see the eagerness coming, but when he reached between your legs, the flimsy material of your underwear didn’t even begin to come in his way. He shoved his hand under your panties, his fingers instantly coming in contact with your opening.
It was solely the emotional value of the moment that made you nearly gasp. Harry took his sweet damn time, as if you needed any more foreplay. The pads of his fingers gingerly traced up and down your opening a few times, before coming back up again to rest against your clit. It was soft and easy at the beginning, but the feather light touch of his fingers started gaining more and more pressure as subtle circular movements started to form.
When you looked up at him, you were met with the mess of curls that had fallen onto his forehead as he had his head hanging low, with his eyes trained between your bodies. With a gentle nudge against his chin, you prompted him to look up. At first he seemed a bit disoriented, but a wicked grin shortly appeared on his lips. It made you smile.
He was the one to resume the kiss, making it gentle this time - in perfect contrast with the action of his fingers, as he slowly made his way past your folds. When the first finger went in, you curled the corners of your mouth in anticipation. It felt fine, but it was just the tip of the iceberg and you knew it. Eager for more, you allowed your teeth to lewdly sink into his lower lip, willing to show him you wanted more. 
With a grunt, Harry shuffled a bit, his knees bucking into your hips. The deep breath he released tickled your skin, but you weren’t going to let this go. As you forced your teeth just a bit deeper into his plush skin, Harry let his forehead fall against yours. 
His tongue neatly traced along your upper lip, and you thought it was in response to your actions. And this erroneous thought kept you from anticipating his next move. When Harry pushed one more finger in, your senses went mad, and the simple fact that he didn't give you too much time to adjust before he pushed a third finger in, rocked you completely. 
You moaned in return and arched your back.
"I got yeh, baby girl" he whispered softly, "Look at me, I got yeh, ok?"
After receiving an enthusiastic nod from you, Harry made his way down your body. This time, he swiftly shuffled to the side, pulling your legs together and riding you of the unnecessary piece of underwear you still had on.
Not waiting for him to take control, you spread your legs, and feasted on the carnal look he had in his eyes as he looked down at your body. He didn’t waste any time before finding the perfect spot between your legs. Your whole body shivered as he leaned his head to the side, his light stubble tickling its way down the inside of your thighs. 
And following the rough feeling of the still shy beard you didn’t think he was able to grow, when his soft lips brushed against your skin, you involuntarily clenched. You bucked your hips and your legs tried, but to no avail, to close the distance between one another. You wanted more - needed more. And he noticed it.
Looking down along your body, you could only see the top of his head. And his fingers, pressing into the skin of your legs. And the tip of his nose as he proceeded to tease you into oblivion with millions of kisses, each of them nothing less than heavenly, but still, nothing compared to what you knew was coming next. The only warning he gave you as a hurried grin, and it was nowhere near enough.
It was on. Elegantly, but with traces of dominance in his touch, and with two fingers, Harry spread your pussy wide open, his tongue lewdly slipping right inside you. The contact and the buildup made you gasp. Had you not been so over the moon and distracted already, you’d have heard him snicker in response to the sound you just made. But you were too caught up. You felt him on every inch of your body, and the signals your core were sending you, were not what you wanted.
You wanted this to last. To have him go at it, lapping at your core for hours. To feel his tongue wag until your senses went numb.It might have been the dry spell that was forced upon you as the pandemic overtook your life, or the timeless, painful crush you’ve had on him for years, but you were already on the edge.
Trying hard to make the moment last, you curled your pointer finger and shoved it into your mouth, biting down hard. Your back arched dangerously as your head flew back, but it all just worked in his favour. Your pleasure was building up, and the careful, experienced movement of Harry’s tongue against your clit was only gaining momentum.
“Yeh taste like fucking heaven but I think yeh already knew tha’” he said, for a second pulling away from your core and giving you a chance to catch your breath.
All you managed was a pathetic excuse of a nod, along with a shy roll of your eyes.
“None of tha’” Harry laughed, licking his lips, “Don’t care how close yeh are, ‘m not gonna stop until yeh moan my name, love”
“Jesus christ, Harry!” you panted, shaking your head.
He responded in a similar manner, and again, with no warning whatsoever, he went back in. This short break allowed you to regain your composure, even if it was just a tiny bit. Your excitement, although still there and just as consuming, was easier to control now. You felt his touch all throughout your body, his tongue tickling all your senses.
What brought you closer into the moment was the feeling of his hands, as he grabbed your thighs and pushed your legs up onto his shoulders. For whatever reason, this felt even more intimate, and as his fingers sank into your flesh, you felt your engines start up again.
The delicate flicks of his tongue were getting more and more aggravated by the second, and now it was close to impossible to keep calm. Sweaty palms gripping tirelessly into the cushions under you, your back under constant strain, your eyes squeezed shut - he had you entirely.
And as if that wasn’t enough, he went further. Harry pushed one finger inside of you, moving his lips up to fully concentrate on your clit. His tongue prepared you, got you all ready and wanting, and then, he wrapped his lips around your bundle of nerves and sucked - gently and with a minimal amount of pressure, but god-
“Fuck, Harry-” you called out. It was more of a cry, choked back in the depths of your throat, all breathy and muffled.
“Come on, angel” Harry whispered.
As you looked down, past your heaving chest, your eyes landed conveniently on the top of his head. Complete chaos - his unruly curls tickled the inside of your thighs, as his fingers dug into your flesh. The two rings he never takes off were sure to leave proud indents on your skin.
Harry sucked at your bundle of nerves, the eager touch of his tongue awakening absolutely every need inside your being. Add the experienced pumps of his fingers and the fact that this was Harry Styles and none other, and you were done.
With each passing second you started to lose more and more of the control you had on your body. Sweating nervously out of every pore of your body, you squirmed under his weight hoping you’d make the moment last.
“‘S good, love, isn’t it?” Harry smirked for just about a second, “I can see yeh, yeh’re a mess fo’ me”
“Fuck” you whined, covering your face with your right palm as your head tilted backwards, “Shut up”
“Oh!” Harry faked surprise, “Gettin’ cocky?”
As he spoke, Harry curled his fingers inside your pussy; maybe intentionally - maybe by chance, hitting all the right spots and making you moan out loud.
“I’ll take tha’ as an apology”
You scoffed.
Harry shook his head. When you looked down at him again, you caught him licking his lips. It was obvious he waited for you to catch him doing that.
Already at the edge of your self control, you curled your fingers into his hair, motioning for him to resume his work. He followed your lead without any complaints, and when his bottom teeth grazed your clit, even if it was light as a feather you lost it.
Your mind became numb, drunk on the pleasure he provided. Your eyes rolled back as you enjoyed every second of your high. Harry kept you spiraling, continuing to lap at your core as the muscles of your legs tensed uncontrollably around his frame.
“Holy fuck-” you breathed out, voice shaky and wounded.
He made sure to milk every ounce of pleasure out of your being, leaving you a heaving mess under his stare.
Harry pushed himself up, nonchalantly wiping his chin, his eyes not allowing yours to look away.
As you gathered yourself and worked on bringing your breathing back to normal, there was only one thought going on inside your head - that it would only be fair if you reciprocate the gesture. Thinking about it was enough to make your core buzz again, but you didn’t have it in you to bring it up, and instead hoped he’d show he wished things didn’t stop either.
But he didn’t.
However, you got to kiss him again. And no matter how badly you wanted to keep the atmosphere on fire, he had other plans. 
“Did I take good care of yeh?” Harry asked as he leaned down beside you. His hand found your cheek, keeping you in place for another longing kiss, “Did I do yeh right?”
You nodded against his lips, not willing to actually word the answer.
His chuckle made it clear that the point got through. And for a second it seemed as if the night wasn’t done. None of you was willing to pull away, and allowed the minutes to go by without a care in the world, lost in each other’s arms.
“Freakin’ love yeh, angel” Harry said.
It wasn’t the first time you’d hear this coming out of his mouth, but you couldn’t help but smile thinking this time it was meant in a different manner. You answered him by cuddling deeper into his chest, and that was a moment you wouldn’t have traded for the world.
And you fell asleep like that. No matter how big and luxurious your couch was, you still spent the night glued to one another. Harry felt every calm breath of yours on his skin and everytime he moved a bit to adjust his position, his hold tightened around you to make sure he wasn’t pushing you away.
After what was probably the best sleep you’d gotten in the whole year of 2020, morning came around. Actually it was lunch time, if we’re being generous. The sun was high up, proudly making its way into your living room, past the curtains to forgot to draw the other night.
When you awoke, Harry wasn’t there anymore. However, panic didn’t have the time to settle in as you heard movement coming from the kitchen, and the strong smell of coffee reached your nose in no time.
You got up from the couch, with herds of butterflies in your stomach. Harry’s words from last night still echoed in your head, and even now, with no alcohol in your system, they managed to bring goosebumps all over your skin.
“When did you get up?”
That was how you made your presence known.
Harry turned around with a smile on his face. He had a bag of avocados tucked under his arm, as he typed away on his phone. His undone pants were hanging onto his thighs for dear life, and the only other piece of fabric on his body was a thin, brown hair tie around his wrist. There were a few purple marks along his collar bones and his hair looked rougher than usual, things which deep down, shook you up a bit.
 “Wanted to take yeh out fo’ breakfast, but I gotta leave in like an hour, so I figured this should do”
“Yeah, yeah sure” you agreed, “It’s perfect”
“Would’ve done mo’, but Y/n, yeh have no food in this house”
You laughed, walking over to slump down into one of the chairs, “Didn’t get a chance to get any perishables”
“You got some” Harry chuckled, “You got weeks’ worth of everything you need to make guacamole and pancakes”
“I have no idea how that happened, those will spoil” you shook your head, “You can take some of them actually”
“Or I could just come over”
“Even better”
The food was ready in no time. Harry had everything done and set while you washed up a bit, and after that, you both sat down to eat. Minimal and light, but still, there was a weight in the pit of your stomach.
“About last night-” Harry began to say, but you tried to stop him.
“You don’t have to-”
“We kinda do, love” he smiled, “I need to apologise, angel”
You squinted your eyes, “For?”
“I don’t really have t’ apologise fo’ what I said because I meant every word” Harry slowly said, as if he has a hard time putting his thoughts together, “I jus’ wish I hadn’t said it like tha’ though”
“Like what?” you questioned, a bit lost.
“Like I had the right to say that kind of crap” he laughed. It was nervous laughter, like he was afraid of what was coming next, “I do fucking love yeh, but I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted to hear that”
“What are you talking about, I don’t understand” you groaned, growing a bit tired of the impatience he brought upon you.
“You’re my best friend, ok?” he sighed, “That’s all we are, Y/n, and that was not supposed to happen”
The food got lodged in your throat, and you felt like if you didn’t stand up, you’d no longer be able to breathe. “It was your idea” you scoffed.
Harry’s eyes followed your frame, but he remained seated, “I know”
“So what changed? If anything even changed. I don’t understand what the problem is. You regret we did what we did-”
“I don’t regret anything” Harry butted it.
“You said it was not supposed to happen!” you exclaimed, rolling your eyes as you walked over to the sink, just to make yourself useful and to stop just standing in front of him.
“The things I said to you-” he said sternly, pushing his chair back and throwing his hands into the air, “I shouldn’t have said those, ok? It doesn’t matter who meant what, I told you things that-”
“What did you tell me that’s bothering you so much?” you almost yelled, annoyance dripping out of your pores. You walked over to him, and he closed the distance by standing up.
“I-” Harry stuttered, playing with his hair to buy himself some more time. “All the-”
“What?” you pushed, “That you like everything about me? That’s what you regret saying? And what else?”
“God” he groaned, “I don’t regret saying tha’, it’s just tha’ it wasn’t my place to say it”
You fell silent.
“If I were you... I’d want to hear those things from someone that is more than just a friend to me” he confessed.
“And you can’t be that to me? More than a friend?”
After a few seconds of painful silence, realization hit him, “Y/n…”
He did reach out. He took a step towards you but you stepped back. The remorse in his tone was too painful to ignore. So you moved away from him and slowly made your way out of the kitchen.
“Y/n!” Harry called, following you.
“Just go”
“Please...”
“Please what?” you shook your head, but he didn’t have the words you needed to hear.
“I’m sorry”
“It’s fucking fine” you sighed, walking backwards towards your room, “Just show yourself out”
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maximons · 3 years
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Into The Sanctum
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Chapter Summary: Doctor Strange brings Y/n into the sanctum as he explains to her the situation at hand. However, the introductions to the team don’t go very smoothly.
Word Count: 3,021
A/N: Here we are with chapter 2! This one is a lot shorter than the first, and honestly the rest of the chapters will likely be around this length lol Hope you enjoy!
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5
“Y/n Fenton. 26 years old, acquired her abilities in 2019 after a lab accident.” Wong started explaining as he brought up multiple images and video clips of you throughout the years, using his magic. “Known abilities; Able to switch between human and ghost form at will, Invisibility, Intangibility, Flight, Able to overshadow other humans, Super Strength and Speed, Can summon ghost energy in a ‘ghost ray’, and Cryokinesis.” The sorcerer finished, leaving everyone in a moment of silence, not sure how to proceed after all that information.
“Whoa, that’s awesome.” Peter said in awe, but no-one else shared his excitement.
“We’re going to recruit a ghost...to fight other ghosts?” Loki was the first to ask.
“Fight fire with fire and all that.” Strange responded.
“How do we know we can trust her? Isn’t she one of them?”
“Yes, but she’s also human. Besides, just because she’s a ghost, doesn’t mean she’s automatically bad.” Wanda now piped up. “And you’re one to talk, Loki. Aren’t you technically a Frost Giant?”
“Yes I am, and look how well I turned out. Not exactly a good sales pitch.”
“Alright, that’s enough.” Strange interrupted. “This isn’t up for debate. The ghost realm is bleeding into our world more and more every minute, and Fenton is our best shot.” Strange slipped on his sling ring and began opening a portal. “I’m going to talk to her.” Before anyone could respond, Strange stepped through, portal closing behind him.
Everyone stood in silence for a moment, before Peter spoke up. “C’mon, I can’t be the only one who thinks this is cool.”
“The very fabric of our reality being at risk and our world being overtaken by ghosts is ‘cool’ to you, Peter?” Wong asked, causing Peter to scratch the back of his neck shyly.
“Well, when you put it like that...”
Amity Park
You and Tucker were walking down the street, heading to your favorite donut shop. You stared at your phone as you walked, not really worried about bumping into anyone or anything as you used your powers to subtlety phase through them.
“Hear anything?” Tucker asked and you shook your head.
“No, haven’t heard in hours now. She’s really mad.” 
“Well, you did manage to almost get yourself killed the other day.”
“I’ve been doing this for years now, I know what I’m doing. Besides, I’m already literally half dead.”
“Not the point.” Tucker sighs. “C’mon, you’ve been dating her for over a year, and have been best friends for even longer. You should know her by now. She’s scared.”
“I’m not faulting her for being scared, but I can’t keep going through fight after fight with her for just doing my job.”
“Is it really your job though?” Tucker shrugged, causing you to stop in your tracks. Him following a second later. “I’m just saying, there are a bunch of heroes back now after the blip. It wouldn’t kill you to take a few days off.”
“They can’t do what I do. And they don’t know what we know.”
“You don’t gotta be all cryptic” Tucker laughed and you couldn’t help but chuckle along.
“Yeah, maybe not.” You shrugged. “I don’t know though, we’re the only ones who really know how to deal with these ghosts. I love helping people, but I’m tired of this too sometimes. I’d love to be able to leave Amity Park, really start my life, but...I can’t. All the ghosts come from here, and I gotta do my best to keep it that way.”
Tucker opened his mouth to form a response, but before he could, a bright orange light appeared. The light began to form into a portal and a man with white and black hair, dressed head to toe in blue robes and a read cape, appeared.
“Y/n Fenton?” He asked, which took you and Tucker aback. You looked to your best friend before looking back at the man.
“Uh, who’s asking?”
“Oh, sorry, I’m Doctor Stephen Strange, and-”
“Wait, that’s you?” You interrupted, eyes wide.
“Yes? I assume you’ve heard of me then?”
Your eyes hardened at this. You knew the name Dr. Strange a little too well. He, along with Iron Man, had been part of the reason behind the death of your parents, having been part of that fateful fight in New York. You knew logically that this man didn’t go out of his way to kill your parents, and that he likely didn’t start that fight, but still. You didn’t appreciate the reminder. 
“Yeah. I have.”
Strange noticed the shift in your tone and tilted his head in confusion. You two stood in a stand off for a few moments before Tucker coughed beside you.
“Sorry, but uh, you’re one of the Avengers right?” He asked as he started to fanboy.
“I guess you can say I was, though they aren’t really around anymore.”
“Still, that’s so cool! Hey, did you know Iron Man before he-”
“What do you want?” You interrupted as you crossed your arms, eyes still glaring at the wizard.
Strange regained his composure as he continued. “I need you to come with me. It’s quite literally a matter of life or death.”
Your hard glare faded and in turn you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Ghosts are pouring into our world, their reach is now far outside of Amity Park.” Your eyes widened when the wizard said this. You figured you shouldn’t be surprised that Strange knew of this, but you really weren’t sure how to react. “And I know you’re a little more than familiar about ghosts...considering your biology.” Now you really didn’t know how to react. You dropped your arms as you tilted your head towards Tucker.
“So much for that day off.”
Sanctum Santorum
Wanda stepped out of the room as the back and forth between the boys started. She needed a moment to herself to think, she needed air. She made her way to the rooftop and leaned on the edge, looking over the city.
She knew that her life would always entail having to deal with potential world ending threats. It was that way when she was an Avenger, and even more so now after becoming the Scarlet Witch. It got tiring, but she wouldn’t give up the responsibility. Not after Westview. Besides, it beat the alternative that Agatha had predicted for her, destroying the world.
But damn, a break would be nice.
Ghosts? Seriously? She guessed that she really shouldn’t be surprised that they exist, over the last year she’s seen some crazy stuff, but ghosts seemed like a scary concept. And not in a ‘Halloween spooky’ kind of way, it was more of a fear of the unknown. If all ghosts had the same capabilities as the Fenton girl had, she had no idea how she would be able to combat that.
Speaking of the Fenton girl, she couldn’t help but be intrigued. From what she’s seen and heard, the girl knew what she was doing, so she failed to see why she and the rest of the team had to get involved. Still, she figured that they should do whatever they could to help stop this threat.
She also agreed with Peter in that she was ‘awesome’, but she wasn’t about to voice that.
She took a deep breath as she bowed her head, calming her nerves. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. Maybe it could be easily fixed and they could all get back to their lives quickly. She knew that was unrealistic, but she had to have a sliver of hope every now and again or she’d go insane.
“Wanda!” She heard Peter’s voice in her head, way too loudly. She cringed as she held her head.
“Peter, we’ve talked about this. You don’t need to be so loud.”
“Sorry, Wanda. Doctor Strange told me to tell you to come back down. Y/n is here.”
“Okay, thank you Peter.” She felt the boy’s presence leave her mind as she picked her head up. She shook her head, ridding herself of the pain while preparing herself as she headed downstairs.
A Few Moments Before
The telltale orange sparks started forming in the main hall of the Sanctum. Soon after, a portal opened and Strange had stepped out, but this time was followed by two people. A woman who was looking around in a mix of confusion and awe, and a man who seemed to be bursting with excitement.
“Whoa! What was that!? That was so cool!” The man turned to the woman in excitement. “Was that magic!?”
“Yeah Tuck, but we gotta be cool here, okay?” The woman told ‘Tuck’ in a hushed whisper.
“Right, sorry.”
“Don’t worry, I had the same reaction.” Peter piped up with a smile. He walked over to the two new figures, hand stretched out. “I’m Peter Parker.”
“Tucker Foley.” Tucker’s smile reappeared as he shook the boy’s hand excitedly.
Peter turned to the woman standing next to him. “And you’re Y/n Fenton, right?” You chuckled as you grabbed Peter’s hand, shaking it as well.
“I guess I’m famous around here.” 
“We just found out about your existence an hour ago, but I suppose you can call it fame.” Loki piped up, and you turned to him. Eyes widening a second later.
“Holy shit! Aren’t you the guy who led the alien invasion in New York?”
“That was over ten years ago, darling, let’s leave the past in the past.” Loki shrugged. “Besides, I’m doing the whole ‘hero’ thing now.”
“And how’s that working out for you?”
��It varies.”
“Okay that’s enough for the introductions, now-” Strange started before Peter cut him off.
“Wait, what about Wanda?” 
“Get her down here while I catch our new guests up.” Peter nodded as he began to call to Wanda with his mind. “Now, Y/n, you’ve done a lot of good over the last few years. Keeping the ghostly threat contained to Amity Park while the rest of the world remains none the wiser is quite impressive.”
“Aw, thanks.” You smirked with a shrug.
“However, those efforts might have only delayed this.” Before you could ask what the wizard was talking about, he brought up an illusion showing ghosts starting to spill through tears that were seemingly in mid air. “The Ghost Realm is starting to tear into our own.”
“Wait, the what?” You asked, causing Strange to falter slightly.
“The Ghost Realm?” He responded with a raise of his brow.
“Yeah, what’s that?”
“Um, where all of the ghosts are coming from? The source of your powers? You’ve been dealing with it for years-”
“Oh!” You shouted, finally realizing. “Yeah, we’ve been calling that the Ghost Zone.” You started to chuckle, Tucker joining, but everyone else remained silent for a moment.
“Right...” Strange proceeded. “Well the ‘Ghost Zone’ is starting to become a problem everywhere. We need your help.”
You coughed as you regained your composure, turning serious. “How is this even possible?”
“We were hoping you knew.”
“Look, I might know a lot about the Ghost Zone, but I don’t know everything. I’ve kinda just been dealing with it as it came for the last five years.”
“Well, it looks like you’re about to get a lot more proficient.” Loki said. Before Y/n could respond though, a new presence entered the room.
Wanda walked into the main hall where she found everyone in a heated discussion. She walked in further when she finally spotted the two new faces. A nerdy looking man, and the woman who she recognized as Y/n Fenton. She took a moment to observe her. She was in casual clothing, a white t-shirt covered with a red sweat jacket with jeans and red sneakers. A brown messenger bag slung across her body, indicating that she was on her way somewhere before she was brought here.
Wanda had only really seen Y/n in her Phantom form, since that was the only relevant part of her that they needed to know at the time, but she couldn’t help but think that the human side was captivating as well.
Wait a minute, what?
No, she wasn’t supposed to be looking at other people like this. Not after Vision. She never even thought someone else could turn her head again for one, but she also felt like she was betraying Vision and all they had by even simply staring at someone else for too long.
She coughed, as she tried to get rid of those thoughts, but in doing so she garnered the attention of everyone else in the room.
“Oh, good. Y/n, this is the Scarlet Witch. Otherwise known as Wanda Maximoff.” Strange had introduced her, and she gave a small smile along with a shy wave in response.
You, however, did not have the same welcoming response. You straightened up as your face tightened, eyes widening slightly. You recognized that name. “Wanda Maximoff...as in ‘Westview’ Wanda Maximoff?” You asked the room, however your eyes never left Wanda, who’s face now dropped.
The room stood in silence for a moment before Peter spoke up. “Yeah, um, we don’t really bring that up.”
“Yeah? Well, I am.” Before anyone could register what was happening, You changed into Phantom and blasted a powerful ghost ray towards Wanda. 
The blast hit her square on, knocking her to the ground. The witch shook the attack off quickly as she stood up. The awe that she had previously while staring at you was now replaced with anger, as she shifted from her current outfit into the Scarlet Witch. Hands and eyes glowing red, as your own hands and eyes glowed green. The two women stared each other down as the men stared in varying states of shock. 
Tucker was the only one who seemed to know what was going on as he brought his hand up and grabbed the bridge of his nose. “Oh man.”
“What the hell was that for!?” Wanda asked, almost shouting in anger. Your face didn’t waver however. You gritted the next words out, as you were also seething in anger.
“My sister was there.”
Everyone stood in silence for a few moments after the revelation, not sure how to continue. Wanda remained standing, but the red faded from her eyes and hands. Her gaze fell downwards for a moment as she straightened up. After no-one spoke for several moments, you continued. “I hope your little sitcom fantasy was worth it, cause Jazz is still going to therapy because of you.” You scoffed. “You didn’t even have the decency to give her a speaking part. Just one of your little extras.” 
Wanda sighed as tears started to spring to her eyes at the reminder. She shifted back into her normal clothing. “Look, I really am sorry for the pain I caused. I truly didn’t know at the time.”
“Sure you didn’t.” You scoffed before turning to address the rest of the room. “She’s a fucking terrorist. Actually, now that I think about it, what the hell am I doing in a room with all of you!?” 
You looked around briefly before pointing at Loki harshly. “You’re a fucking psychopath who almost took over the world!” Loki shot his hands up in surrender as you turned to point at Strange next.
“You were part of the fight in New York that killed my parents!” Strange’s eyes widened slightly at the revelation, but he didn’t get to say anything as you turned to Wong. 
“I know you were there too!” You finished by landing on Peter. 
“And you-” You cut yourself off as you realized you didn’t have anything against the kid. Still, you were stubborn and too into your rant to stop there. “I actually don’t know anything about you, but I’m sure you’re no good if you’re hanging around these freaks!”
“We’re the freaks?” Loki asked incredulously, as he couldn’t help himself. “Sweetheart, you’re basically dead.”
“Better being dead than a fucking murderer.” You seethed out. “I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t care. My responsibility is to my home and to those I love, that’s it. I never signed up for this life, and even if I did, I definitely wouldn’t wanna work with any of you.” You began to float and move over to Tucker, who had been watching the whole exchange in silence. You grabbed his arm, taking you up with you. “Good luck, sounds like you’re gonna need it. I’m out of here.”
With that you began to fly up, Tucker in your arms. You sped up heading towards the ceiling. You were about to go intangible to phase out of the building, when suddenly, your ghost ring appeared around your waist and separated, turning you back into a human.
Your eyes widened as you and Tucker began to plummet back to the floor, but before you both hit it, red wisps surrounded you both, breaking the fall. They didn’t last long though, as a second later the disappeared, making you both hit the ground harshly. Tucker rubbed his arm as you brought your hands up to look at them, wondering what happened.
“What the hell was that!?” You asked as you looked back up to the people in the room.
“I went into your mind and triggered your transformation.” Wanda answered, and you could’ve sworn you saw a slight smirk on her face. Your face hardened once again.
“Stay the hell out of my head.”
“Alright, enough!” Strange shouted, finally putting an end to this. “Y/n, I understand your hesitation. I do. You don’t have to like us, you don’t even have to trust us, but believe me when I say we cannot do this without you. You may be angry at the world, hell all of us are, but we need you to put that aside.” 
You stood up, offering a helping hand to Tucker, but your gaze remained on Strange. You sighed, knowing you couldn’t ignore the severity of the situation. No matter how much you wanted to. You hesitated for a moment before finally speaking up.
“Okay. So what do we do now?”
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killing-all-joy · 4 years
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Sometimes Having Terrible Aim Is Worth It
Pairing: Analogince Word count: 4,492 Logan uses he/they pronouns cw: swearing, snowball fights, mentions of murder, implied bad parents, i might have made lore for this at 1am while bored whoops
Overall, Roman and Logan were happy with their neighborhood. The location was convenient for both of their works (the theatre and the high school) and the environment was very lax. It was a low-crime, middle-class neighborhood with people who seemed very nice.
Roman, the sociable one, had made friends with many of the people on their block, only leaving a couple of houses alone. He had told Logan that all the people he had talked with were amiable people worthy of their friendship. So, Logan had accompanied his boyfriend during conversations with their neighbors on occasion, despite being an introvert with a general disappointment in the human race.
It wasn’t with ease that Roman was able to leave the house on their right alone. He had been warned not to bother the man who lived there as soon as he had moved in and started to make friends with his new neighbors. A blonde woman who Roman guessed to be about twenty years older than him had knocked on the door the evening after the two had moved in and given them the gist of the neighborhood. Her name was Janet, and she had told them about which houses had kids (as well as which kids were the best or quietest), how many people lived at each house, what each resident was like, and finally, about the man who lived next door.
Apparently, he was introverted and creepy, didn’t have friends, had the scariest Halloween decorations, worked at an age-old psychiatric hospital, and was rude and disagreeable. Janet had sufficiently discouraged Roman and Logan from interacting with him, but even if she hadn’t, the reports from their other neighbors would have done the job.
One kid said she had knocked on his door on Halloween, and he had opened the door and snarled at her with a realistic vampire outfit on, laughing evilly as she ran away. One mother said she had gone to his house to ask for a cup of sugar, and he had given her a cup of salt instead. Three kids all said they had seen him near the haunted house on Fridays. There was a rumor going around that he had killed the previous owners of the house Roman and Logan now resided in because their cat had made a small scratch on his car (Logan and Roman were less inclined to believe that last rumor; it was evidence-less, unlike the others).
But, other than the next-door neighbor they were both terrified of, Roman and Logan liked their living situation very much.
It was January, right in the middle of winter. The weather refused to let their area forget this fact; the week had started out with a snowstorm and after one day of pause, it had snowed every day for the next four days. It was now Friday, the fourth consecutive day of having snow, and the neighborhood kids had calmed about the state of the weather. Earlier in the week, Roman and Logan would often look out their window to find kids playing in the snow. Now, the excitement had dialed down and the kids were exhausted. The couple figured that sometime in the middle of the next week, the kids would be back to causing snowy chaos, but there was still almost a week until that hypothesis would be put to the test. At the current time, the block was quiet.
Roman appeared next to Logan, who was reading. He perched himself on the armrest of Logan's armchair and put an arm around his boyfriend.
"Hey, Logan?" Roman asked, taking a lock of Logan's hair and twirling it between his fingers.
"What is it you want, darling?" Logan replied, not looking up from his book.
Roman frowned. "I never said I wanted something."
"You called me Logan," he explained like it were obvious, "so, you want something."
Roman rolled his eyes, wishing his boyfriend wasn't so observant. "I want to have a snowball fight outside."
Logan raised an eyebrow, keeping his eyes on the novel in his hands. "I assume that you want me to join?"
Roman nodded. "Who else would I fight?"
"I also imagine you will annoy me about this subject until I acquiesce, or the snow melts?"
Roman nodded again.
"What's in it for me?"
Roman furrowed his eyebrows in thought. "Well...maybe, after the fight, we can curl up next to each other on the couch in our blankets, hot chocolate in hand, and we can watch Doctor Who or whatever while we snuggle."
Logan bit his lip.
"You know you want to."
Logan rolled their eyes. "I most certainly do not."
Roman grinned at him cheekily. "Bullshit," he said sweetly, "now come with me."
He took the book from Logan's hands and set it on the table. He grabbed a receipt from nearby and put it on the open pages, before slamming the novel shut and pulling his boyfriend to his feet.
Logan made a noise of surprise as he was dragged to the door by his boyfriend.
"Roman, wait!" Logan exclaimed, putting a hand on Roman's arm. "Let me get my gloves and hat on first."
Logan, who was already in a blue patterned sweater and dark purple scarf, dashed to his and Roman's room. He opened his closet and picked out his navy blue beanie and red gloves. He put them on quickly, not wanting to have to deal with Roman's manhandling once again.
He raced back to Roman who was waiting for him at the door impatiently. When he saw Logan, his expression brightened to one of adoration.
"Oh my gosh, mi querido, you look adorable!"
Logan huffed. "I am not adorable."
Roman laughed. "Yes, you are."
Logan knew that arguing was hopeless.
They took the accusation to heart for a moment. "What if the neighbors see our fight and it ruins my reputation and they never take me seriously again?"
"One, they will be too far away from us to recognize you. Two, they won't care. Three, I'm going to be annoying you for the next two months about a snowball fight so if you refuse, they'll judge you for choosing someone as loud and annoying as myself as your boyfriend."
Logan nodded. "Fair enough."
The two exited their house. Logan put his arms around his torso and shivered, the sudden change in temperature shocking his body, but Roman ran ahead. He immediately crouched down to the ground and formed a snowball, aiming directly for Logan’s stomach, and missing by a couple of feet. Logan gave him a disappointed look.
Roman huffed and returned to building a snowball. Logan shivered again, watching the small flecks of white flutter down from the clouds above and land on their suburban neighborhood. Logan was removed from their thoughts when a snowball collided with his stomach.
He stumbled back half a step, but steadied his stance and glared at his boyfriend. Another snowball was thrown his way, but Logan dodged and watched it disperse against the door.
“You might want to join me in the yard, Specs, if you don’t want me to break a window.”
Logan followed his suggestion, running to the front yard and immediately forming a snowball. They threw it at their unsuspecting boyfriend who was in the process of making another snowball. It hit him square in the chest, making him fall backwards.
“Oh, you’re in for it, mi luz.”
Logan rolled his eyes. “You’ve hit me twice, I’ve hit you once. I’m hardly the-”
A snowball to the lungs effectively shut them up.
---
Roman and Logan were hiding behind their respective walls of snow. Throughout the fight, they had been creating their own walls to hide behind to avoid getting hit. The fight would continue until either surrender or unconsciousness occurred, and both knew the former would be the hardest to achieve.
Since the two were both overachievers and never half-assed anything, their respective snow walls were two and a half feet high, roughly four inches in thickness, and approximately two feet wide. Roman had drawn an ‘R’ into his for dramatic effect, and Logan had hit the ‘R’ purposely with a snowball twice.
Neither knew how much time had passed, nor could they sense just how cold they were. All they could think about was demolishing their beloved in a violent war of snow, where only one could be crowned victor.
They were so unfocused that they didn’t notice a door opening and closing. Their eyes were so zeroed in on each other that Logan couldn’t see anything but his weapon and his target.
Logan knew the second the snowball left his hands that he would not land the shot. They were off by at least a couple of feet. They paid it no mind, however, and focused on evading Roman’s next attack.
The snowball landed with an audible smack.
That was unusual; dodged snowballs normally landed soundlessly on the ground.
What was also unusual was the yelp accompanying the sound.
Two shocked heads turned and watched as an unfamiliar man was thrown off his balance from Logan’s ruthlessly packed snowball. He didn’t fall to the ground, no, he was too scary and intimidating for that kind of humiliation to ever befall him. But, he was inconvenienced just enough so that Roman and Logan were terrified for their lives.
Logan hadn’t hit any old neighbor that lived on their block. He had hit the man who lived to their right.
The man who was evil, scary, probably a serial killer; the person that even the adults were scared of. He overdid Halloween, had no friends, and worked at a psychiatric hospital. He could probably kill them if he wanted to. According to the rumors, he had killed for lesser motives.
His eyes locked with both of the men at once, and Logan and Roman had never been more scared in their time together. He was terrifying.
With a black shirt, black jeans, black and purple hair, and a black hoodie, the man next door with tattoos creeping up his neck and black eyeshadow under his eyes looked very much the part the rest of the street had cast him as.
Logan and Roman were truly and undeniably fucked.
When the neighbor stopped glaring at them and walked to his car, Logan and Roman simultaneously craned their necks back to face each other, a terrified look in both of their eyes. Suddenly, all their competitive fire was extinguished and they looked at the snow on the ground with fear and regret instead of devious fun.
Their neighbor got something from his car and returned inside, casting sideways glances at Roman and Logan as he passed them. He slammed his door shut, causing both men to flinch.
From day one, the couple had been warned by kindergarteners and middle-aged women alike that they were unfortunate to be neighbors with the man next door. It was today that this was proven. All they could do was wait for their demise.
Roman threw a snowball at Logan’s face in anger at his actions and bad aim. For the first time in this fight, he wished he had been hit by that snowball.
There was a four minute period where the two were internally debating their options of either going back inside or apologizing to their fearsome neighbor. Occasionally, they would make eye contact with each other, but no words were actually spoken. Roman, the extrovert, considered knocking on his door to make a quick and hasty apology while Logan, the introvert, thought about writing an apology letter and sliding it under his door.
Neither of their ideas needed to be put to action, however, since the neighbor exited his house once again.
The two resisted the overwhelming urge to cower in fear. They had never seen him before, and now they had seen him twice in less than ten minutes? Clearly, they had ticked him off.
In an effort to not make it look as though they were staring, Logan and Roman stuck their gazes on each other. Each could tell that their partner was resisting their instincts telling them to run as far away as they could as fast as possible. But they couldn’t be rude—not when that man lived right next to them and could approach their house at any time. The serial killer rumors suddenly seemed more plausible.
What greeted them (or rather, Logan) instead, was a snowball to the back.
Logan, who was tenser than a taut rope, stumbled from the harsh impact. When he was able to regain his stance, his head whipped around to look at his attacker.
The neighbor had on, of all things, a smile.
He had discarded his hoodie for a fluffy black sweater with purple bats on it. He was now in a black beanie and had on midnight blue gloves. While his winter attire was surprising considering he already had a hoodie and didn’t seem to leave his house much, the mischievous smile was the most perplexing of all new things about their neighbor. Neither Logan nor Roman could make sense of it, except that it let them see the infamously creepy stranger in a new light.
Logan huffed out a bemused laugh, staring at the neighbor (who looked to be similar in age to them) like he was a gripping plot twist in a novel that unexpectedly ended happily. He shook his head a bit, but crouched down and formed another snowball. He made sure not to throw it as hard as the first one he had thrown at the stranger.
The man dodged it with ease, running closer to the snow-covered couple’s house. He swiped some snow off the porch rail and quickly packed it before throwing it at Roman, who was too busy being bewildered to do anything to dodge. He gasped in offense and coughed when the snowball collided with his sternum, and directed a playful glare at his attacker. He threw a snowball at him in return.
The neighbor easily dodged that one, but wasn’t able to dodge the snowball Logan had thrown his way. His attention switched over to the bespectacled assailant, looking at them just in time to see him throw another snowball at his boyfriend.
“How the hell did you make a snowball that quickly, cariño?”
“I have a snow wall, Ro. What do you think I put behind it? Action figures?” Logan retorted sarcastically.
Roman rolled his eyes and formed another snowball, sending it through the air and smack into Logan’s wall. “Every man for himself!”
The neighbor laughed at that, and the snowball fight continued.
---
As it turned out, Logan and Roman were at a disadvantage from already being out in the snow before their neighbor joined in. He was able to make them both surrender eventually, but not before Roman had aimed a snowball at a precise place on the back of his neck where the snow fell down the back of his shirt.
Logan was the wiser out of the couple and had surrendered first (not without a fight, though). He figured he deserved it; he had been the one to disturb the stranger, after all. This made him able to watch as both Roman and the stranger started to shiver more and more as the fight had continued.
When Roman finally did surrender, Logan laughed in his face and then put an arm around him. Logan took one hand in his and was able to tell his fingers were numb.
“You just never know when to quit, do you?” they sighed fondly.
“I did eventually!” protested Roman indignantly.
The stranger chuckled from beside him. “Would’ve been easier for your poor body if you’d surrendered when you knew you were gonna lose.”
It was the first time they’d heard him speak; snowball fights weren’t exactly the best place to start a conversation. His voice was low, about as deep as expected from a scary man in all black. However, it didn’t hold any fearful qualities or scratchiness like the kids had described. The couple thought it sounded like coffee on a cool winter’s morning (which didn’t make sense since coffee wasn’t a sound, but it was all that they could use to describe it, nonetheless).
“And when would that have been?”
“The second I joined in.”
Logan hid a laugh behind their hand. Roman glared at him for encouraging their neighbor.
“No idiot surrenders the second another person joins,” Roman muttered.
“Exactly,” the man said with a wink. Logan was able to spot him curling his arms around himself, probably from being cold.
Roman gasped loudly when he finally realized what the stranger was saying. “How dare you!”
He stumbled out of Logan’s arms and collected more snow off the porch railing, making it into a large, messy ball and chucking it at the stranger.
It hit his face. Not hard in any shape or form; no harm would be done, but it was still a bunch of cold water shoved in his face and falling into the front of his sweater.
The stranger furiously batted at the snow on his face.
“Serves you right,” Roman mumbled.
Logan rolled his eyes. “Sorry, that must’ve been freezing.”
The man nodded.
“Come on in,” Logan invited, opening the door. “We can make you some hot chocolate.”
Roman rushed inside, running to the storage closet that had extra blankets.
“A-are you s-su-re?” the stranger said, syllables separate and repetitive from his shivering. The snow in his face caused his teeth to chatter.
“Of course,” Logan said, “it’s our—well, mostly my fault, that you got cold anyway. I’m Logan. He/they pronouns.”
Virgil chuckled. “L-log-an, h-uh? Was st-st-starting to thi-nk y-you were j-just gi-v-ven a b-bunch of p-pet names at b-birth.”
Logan blushed furiously, but laughed. Roman referred to him with Spanish terms of endearment more than he did his legal name.
“At this point, I might as well have been. I tend to respond to any unfamiliar word that vaguely sounds like Spanish now.”
They ushered the freezing stranger inside. Roman had returned from the storage closet with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and another under his arm. Logan took the blanket that wasn’t shrouding his shivering boyfriend and wrapped it around the stranger’s shoulders, who tugged it tighter around himself eagerly.
Logan went to the kitchen, putting three mugs of milk into the microwave and setting it for two minutes. They then returned to Roman and their neighbor who were shivering in silence.
“Thanks for joining us,” Roman said, “that was fun.”
“It was,” he agreed, shivering starting to calm down. “T-thank you for letting me p-participate.” Not fully, however.
“Of course,” said Logan, putting an arm on Roman’s shoulders. “I totally meant that snowball as an invitation. Fully intentional.”
The other two laughed, knowing that was a lie. The microwave beeped, and Logan left them to take the mugs from the microwave. He put the hot cocoa powder in and stirred the mugs, before picking them up.
He entered the living room to see that Roman had sat on the left of the couch and the stranger in the middle. Logan put their mugs in front of them and put down a mug for themself. He sat down next to the stranger.
“Might I ask your name, oh Master of the Snowball?” Roman asked.
The stranger snorted. “That’s much better than my name. My name’s Virgil. He/him.”
Logan smiled to himself. “Not at all, that’s a very nice name.”
Virgil choked on the hot chocolate he was sipping. “Thank you,” he said quietly.
“Fits your aesthetic,” Roman remarked.
Virgil opened his mouth, looking offended. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
It was obviously a joke, but Logan and Roman knew they had to tell Virgil of the rumors and his reputation. Especially now that they saw him as a good guy.
“Halloween,” Roman started to list, “everyday-is-spooky-season aesthetic, seems like the type of guy to work at a haunted house.”
Virgil scoffed. “Those places are stupid; not scary at all. If you want to go to a haunted house, make your house the haunted house.”
Well, now they had the Virgil-goes-to-a-haunted-house-weekly theory debunked.
“You do have ghosts on your sweater,” Logan supplied, taking a sip of the hot chocolate.
“They’re cute ghosts, though,” Roman said as soon as Virgil opened his mouth to argue. He pointed at one on his sweater. “See? Look at the lil’ faces.”
“My sister got it for me for Christmas.”
“If I knew your sister, that would probably explain the cute faces.”
“Oh, believe me, it would.”
Logan chuckled as he watched the two exchange conversation. He took another sip of his hot chocolate.
“So, um, I heard moving trucks outside your house about a month ago. Was that y’all? You new here?” asked Virgil.
“Affirmative,” Logan confirmed.
“Yeah, it’s our very first house together!” Roman said happily.
Virgil smiled. “That’s sickeningly adorable.”
“I am sickeningly adorable,” Roman said like it was a badge of honor.
“I agree,” Logan said.
A comfortable silence befell the group.
Virgil fidgeted, looking at Roman nervously. “Bit awkward question this far into the conversation, but I never caught your name-”
“Roman~” sang the man in question. He would have held the note out for an impressively long time if he didn’t take a sip of hot cocoa.
“Cool,” said Virgil awkwardly. “And I suppose, Roman and Logan, oh wow y’all’s names rhyme that is so romantic, anyway-”
Roman gasped, covering his mouth. His eyes lit up. “They do!”
“Are you just noticing this, Roman?” asked Logan.
“Of course!” Roman exclaimed in reply. “If I knew our names rhymed, I would have already written many a rhyming poem about our love.”
“That’s very nice, Love.”
“Don’t be snippy, mi cielo, you know you’d love it,” Roman huffed. “Virgil, don’t you think he’d love it?”
Virgil just rolled his eyes fondly, not wanting to get caught up in the middle of a lover’s spat.
“Don’t bring Virgil into this, Roman. You should put the subject aside, considering he was in the middle of saying something before you interrupted.”
“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask. Did our neighbors happen to...um...tell you what they thought of me? Ruin first impressions? It would explain your terrified expressions when we first saw each other.”
Roman and Logan looked at each other worriedly.
“...Maybe?” Roman asked quietly.
“There’s a small possibility...” Logan whispered.
“Y’all, I’m not mad if it happened, I just wanna know.”
Logan sighed. “Yes, yes they did.”
“What’d they say?”
“Multiple people said different things,” Logan began. “Janet talked to us first. She’s the blonde, short-haired, blue-eyed-”
“-Used to be a soccer mom, baby blue house?” Virgil asked. Logan nodded. “Met her when I first moved in, and once after that.”
“Her, yes. She told us, quite frankly, to not come near you.”
Virgil started to close in on himself. “Like how?”
“Said you were creepy, rude, introverted, no friends, freaky-as-all-hell Halloween decorations, apparently knew where you worked,” Roman told him, then noticed Virgil’s shrinking and stopped with the accusations. “I doubt almost all of that now, since you’re obviously not creepy and definitely have friends with that personality, but she may have been accurate with Halloween decor.”
“She was,” Virgil confirmed. “Go big or go home.”
“I believe you are normally home during Halloween, are you not?” asked Logan, confused.
Roman laughed. “Of course, mi amor.”
“Where do I work, in Janet terms?” asked Virgil, a smile tugging at his lips.
“Some old psychiatric hospital out of town.”
Virgil doubled over in laughter. He put his mug on the coffee table so it wouldn’t spill and held his head in his hands.
When he regained himself, still giggling, he replied.
“That’s inaccurate,” Virgil said plainly. “I don’t have a degree for that. See, there’s an old abandoned psychiatric hospital two miles away from the airport that is on the same road as the airport. It’s out of use, so that’s a stupid assumption to make. I guess I could maybe see why she made it though; I work at the airport.”
“Oh?” asked Logan, intrigued.
“Yeah, I’m an air traffic controller,” said Virgil with a shrug. “It ain’t that interesting. I recently got fully certified, though, which is cool. It pays well, I’m good at paying constant attention to things that could potentially end badly, and the high-stress comes from having to give my unwavering and full attention, which is something I can do well.”
“Less stressful than home and college, I guess, huh?” Roman guessed.
“Exactly, it's a spa compared to my parents,” Virgil said with a laugh. “But yeah, that’s hysterical. I definitely do not work at a psychiatric hospital.”
“I suppose what the kids said is untrue if what the adults said is false,” Logan mused.
“Oh dear lord, what did they say,” Virgil groaned.
“One girl told us about the rumor that you killed the people who used to live here,” Roman said, and Virgil immediately laughed. “Her mother said she asked for a cup of sugar and you gave her a cup of salt instead.”
“I hadn’t slept in five days and realized my mistake two hours later,” Virgil explained immediately. “I remember that one.”
Logan snorted. “One boy said you go to the haunted house on Fridays, which is obviously untrue.”
“Yeah. One, they’re stupid, two, that one’s only open in October and November, three, that one ain’t even scary. It has a good and free parking lot, though, and I volunteer at an at-risk youth center every Friday a couple blocks down that has really shitty parking.”
Roman shook his head. “Wow, we really got you wrong.”
“You were misled,” Virgil corrected. “It’s not your fault.”
“You know what, you’re right!” Roman agreed. “We were robbed.”
Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Of what?”
“Of friendship,” Logan said, taking a sip from his drink. “Roman would have been banging on your door two days after moving, wanting to get to know you. But, after a momentous amount of ‘rude’ and ‘disagreeable’—” Virgil frowned, “—he was persuaded not to. Our loss, especially considering you are neither of those two adjectives.”
Virgil smiled. “Thank you.”
Logan looked into Virgil’s chestnut brown eyes, and was able to spot the specks of gray in them. They gave Virgil a warm smile. “For what? It is our pleasure to be given the chance to know you.”
Roman groaned. “I try 24/7 to be dramatic and you do it without trying.”
Virgil, blushing, giggled. “You’re both good at it.”
Roman beamed at him. “I’m thrilled you think so, Nico di Angel-o.”
“Nico’s surname can be interpreted to mean ‘of the angels’ already, Roman, I don’t think you need to emphas-”
“Shhhh, Specs, let me shower our guest with compliments.”
Virgil’s face was on fire. “Do y’all have any movies?”
~
Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @fander-fic-recs @neo-neo-neo
~
I wrote most of that when I went into a blur for three hours and looked at the time after I finished the draft to see that I had wasted all the time I had to do homework. It was worth it. I don’t know why but I’m really attached to this AU? If you want to see more of it please tell me. I hope you liked it!
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Heart by Heart | Chapter I | Raul Mendes
                                           *secret agent AU*
Y/N and Raul have been friends ever since they could remember. And falling in love with your best friend can be pretty tricky and messy 99% of the times, add that to the fact they're constantly risking their lives side by side on the field since they're both secret agents, and the best team that's ever existed. Perfect recipe for disaster.
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Helloo, this is the first chapter of this series and I'm super excited about it. Please read the warnings on this one, if you don't feel comfortable with the contents listed on the "warnings" section, please read something else, there are a lot of other works on my masterlist and on the "fic rec" hashtag on my blog. I plan on posting a chapter weekly, which means new chapter every Thursday (and maybe a sneak peak every monday). Please give me some feedback and I hope you guys like it as much as I did. I'll stop rambling now, byee. Happy Reading!
                                                     masterpost | next chapter
*Word Count: 3.4K+;
*Warnings:  cursing, descriptions of violence, blood, injuries, hostage situation and a whole lot of teasing. Please don’t read it if any of this subjects make you uncomfortable, feel free to check my masterlist for other writings. 
*Posted: July 1st, 2021.
                                                     -*-
Raul Mendes was a pain in the ass. Y/N loves him way too much for her own good, but he was a pain in the nonetheless. 
He was the only person she knew who could be in a possible life-or-death situation and still make fun of her through their communicators. And sure, that made the whole thing lighter and less scary, and sure, he was the best agent she’s ever met, but damn did he get on her nerves. And Raul always knew how to get her frustrated or squirming, he enjoyed it more than he was willing to admit. Sure, they’ve been friends for a long time and she should be used to him, but it never got easier. The fact he had a killer smile, the looks of a legit greek god and had this whole tough guy exterior, but secretly had a soft spot for her did not make her case any less complicated.
Y/N and Raul knew each other ever since they’re basically born. Their parents met when they worked together at a company of secret agents, it was only a small corporation back then, and they were known as the best agents at the time. After they retired from field missions and eventually desk jobs, they became only advisers and emergency contacts. But despite that, they kept their friendship going though all the years and that’s how Y/N was introduced to the triplets. They’re always together, doing everything with each other and protecting themselves. And of course she loved Peter and Shawn with her whole heart, they’re like family to her, but Raul was different. Y/N wished it wasn’t, but there are certain things in life you can’t exactly control. Like falling in love with your best friend.
And it’s not like she stood a chance, to be honest. Regardless of his looks, he treated her like she hung the moon and stars on the sky. Sure, he was a tough guy, who rode motorcycles and wore leather jackets, and wouldn’t admit alive that he cried while watching Lion King. But he took care of her when she was upset or having a bad period, he would take her driving around town at midnight on random occasions just because he knew it would make her feel better, and would always be so mindful of everything involving her. And yeah, he teased her endlessly, but it was part of it and in reality, Y/N didn’t mind it that much. 
So when they started growing older and decided to follow their parents career, it only made sense they trained their asses off and got the job together. The company their parents worked for grew a lot, a team that was originally formed by 15 agents turned into a massive business, with over 100 employees, doing various functions. Shawn was picked for a more diplomatic field, always in meetings with important people and traveling around the world. Peter became a tech engineer, developing the coolest gadgets and weapons imaginable, something out of Totally Spies! Raul was clearly a field agent, an expert on body combat and weapons, best out of the four when it came to their physical test. And Y/N was the one who guided the operations, the hacker and responsible for strategies, also for the tech part and best sniper out of the three of them. 
That made her and Raul an unbeatable team and the best duo ever. Their chemistry on the field was recognized by their bosses on the first week, basically glueing them together for every future mission and it worked. For the company. But it only dug her little crush deeper on Y/N’s heart. And obviously no one knew it. She was a spy for fucks sake, she knew how to lie and she wasn’t going to be the one to tell him. Raul didn’t date, working on this field made  everyone’s love life a bit harder than it was already, and he never seemed interested enough in anyone with the same career to have a long lasting relationship with. That didn’t mean there where a lot of people interested, which made Y/N’s heart twist in her chest. 
“Sweetheart, you still with me?” Raul’s voice came through her earpiece bringing her back to reality.
“Of course I am, you idiot, I take this job really seriously” Y/N replied rolling her eyes as if she didn’t just daydreamed a bit. 
“Oh sorry, doll, didn’t mean to insult you hard working” he chuckled “but could you please check in the corridor number 6, half the team is heading down there right now”
“Sure” she quickly typed on her computer changing cameras really quickly, perks of being Peter’s best friend is that she could usually take extra stuff and the newest gadgets on the market “It’s clear and, by the way, you look pathetic with this glasses”
Raul laughed clearly amused, throwing his middle finger up in the air in the direction of the security camera he found “Oh really? Tell that to Peter, he’s the one who created them” 
“Technically their still a prototype, so make sure to let him know”
Raul scoffed playfully as he climbed another set of stairs, the man and woman with him following without questioning, used to his ways of leading “Of course, I’m sure he’ll like to hear your fashion critiques to his million dollar glasses”
“I’ll write it down, now careful, you’re approaching the level where they’re at”
“Sure, mom, I’m always careful” he said in a hushed tone signaling to his teammates to keep quiet and try to find the possible security team they left to watch the hostage.
“Shut up” Y/N said trying to hold back the smile from stretching her lips, already letting the airway team know to be ready to pick them up as they approached their target. 
They’re currently in the middle of a mission where they needed to recover another agent who got caught up in an ambush two weeks ago, and now they’re being kept as a hostage. Raul’s leading a team to retrieve the agent as quickly and as silently as they could, two with him and three other on the opposite side to meet halfway. All that while Y/N’s on the under construction building across the street seated among her gear, gun in hand following their every step and guiding them through the camera system and the big windows that other building had. It’s not the worst mission they’ve ever been, no apparent violence or blood bath, just a simple rescue mission, but they still felt a little jittery and always worried about each other’s lives. And through the years, they noticed that their copying mechanism to make this less stressful (at least a tiny bit) was through light banter and jokes. That somehow brought a bit of normality to their very non ordinary job. 
Y/N did her best to keep them hidden while they crashed into the building as quietly as possible, trying go unnoticeable since they didn’t have enough munition or people on the tactic team. It would also prevent them from moving the target around or opening fire. And despite the fact Raul kept on trying to joke around and that she’s been doing this for at least four years, the fact that they’re working with a less experienced and fresh out of the academy crew made her a little jittery. Not that she didn’t trust Raul to command everything and boss everyone around if things got messy, she just didn’t want him to get in the middle of a crossfire again. 
He had the terrible habit of playing the hero in the most inconvenient times, like when they were little and a guy twice his size, with three friends mocked her pigtails. He didn’t stand a chance, but he went after them anyway. They ended up having to run as fast as they could so they wouldn’t end up with a black eye or something. And that was nothing compared to the stupid shit he could do on field. And Y/N couldn’t be more pissed whenever he came home with more bruises then he should just to play Superman or something. Sure, that was admirable and the fact that he put everyone on his team on his top priority was definitely something fantastic for a captain, but not for Y/N’s heart. 
And for that reason, she was always extra careful, but when he had a newbie joining him on the field, Y/N tripled the attention to avoid putting the kid in danger, and, consequently her best friend. 
Raul was quick to take down two man on their level without raising much alarm, grabbing their munition, dragging the unconscious bodies away from where they’d be easily seen and moving forward to another set of stairs. He was a very skillful agent, with great physical development and worked great under pressure, with quick thinking and a natural leader. So it didn’t shock her when he was able to do that as if it was the most natural thing in the planet. While Raul was more of a passionate person, Y/N was more rational, was analyzing every possibility and coming up with creative solution, she was also really cold on work (she just had one exception) and was a quick thinker, great person to rely on. It’s almost as if the complimented each other and that’s why it worked. That’s why when she tells him to shoot, he does without thinking, or to jump, he wouldn’t blink before doing it head first. 
And that’s why they’re able to reach the hostage without much trouble. 
“Told you to chill out, I knew we could make it” he murmured through their coms and she giggled, shaking her head incredulously.
“You should watch the entrances while your teammates take care of the hostage”
“That’s why I have you, sweetheart” he said with his infamous smirk stretching his annoyingly pink lips.
Y/N shook her head when she felt her face warming up a bit, stupid boy “Well, actually I’m pretty busy calling for our ride, so watch your own back this time, you’re a big boy, I’m sure you can do it”
Raul scoffed but did as she say either way “fine, are we clear?”
“On your floor yes, climb three more levels and meet me on this side of the street, don’t stall champ, they’re going to notice there’s something wrong with the cameras and their man who aren’t responding, so be quick”
Raul chuckled as he helped balance the hostage on Roman’s arms and signaling them to climb the stairs again “Yes, ma’am, anything to keep you from frowning and scolding my ass”
Y/N rolled her eyes smiling, sighing in relief that half of their mission was done and it went as smoothly as it could have been “Great, now get your ass out of there now, Raul” 
The tactic team started moving to the floor they’d have access to jump, and everything was going too smoothly to be true, not even a minor inconvenience. And that was not normal, at all. That’s when Y/N started getting worried. 
Everything was great until Seth, from loosing a lot of blood and being severely dehydrated, started loosing his conscious, making Roman’s job a lot more complicated and making everyone move slower. And while that was happening, Y/N saw when one of the guys saw his partners laying limply on the corner of a hallway and finally the pieces clicked. Luckily she was able to caught it quickly enough to be able to mess up their coms, so instead of a dozen men, they’d have to deal with two. She was also quick to let Raul know, so he jumped into action, telling everyone to rush and grabbing Seth’s right side, basically carrying him alongside Roman up the stairwell. 
But as they’re almost reaching the door, Raul heard footsteps rather close, rushing Roman up the rest of the way, warning he’d be right behind him, that he was only to be a bit far back so he could hold whoever was coming. 
He ran downstairs, quickly blocking the door to the staircase with a fire extinguisher, running all the way upstairs to reach his teammates and jump to go home. But as he had just reached the door, his colleagues waiting for him with their gear (and also his) ready to cross to the other building, he felt the barrel of a gun touching the back of his head. Raul raised his hands in surrender, his teammates staring at him with horror in their eyes as they aimed their guns to whoever was behind him, but he knew they couldn’t do much before he got shot. He also knew they’re too young, apart from Roman and Cara, who were both holding Seth up, they weren’t experienced enough to do something like that. But before the person could pull the trigger, they grunted in pain and Raul felt the barrel slipping away. 
He turned around to watch the guy on his back in the floor, clutching to his left ribs, a little pool of blood already forming underneath him and gun long forgotten. Raul looked around to see if it was anyone from this guy’s side or anyone on the stairs, only to be met with silence and a single security camera with the green dot on, meaning Y/N was still in their system. He shook his head in disbelief, dragging the whining man outside of the room, quacking his gun down the stairs and managing to lock the door so they could escape safely. 
“Still with me, baby?” Y/N’s voice teased mimicking the way he said it earlier. 
Raul shook his head with a smirk on his lips, before moving to where his teammates stood still a bit shocked with all that happened in front of them “Wouldn’t dream of leaving you, sweetheart”
“Alright boys, the helicopters are coming for us, meet you all on the roof in three” Y/N said through the coms for the whole team, quickly shifting to a line only the captain, Raul, could hear “and if you dare be late just to make a big entrance or another dramatic scheme you can think about, I swear to God I’ll leave you behind”
“You wouldn’t dare”
“Try me” Y/N sing sang picking up her stuff and quickly shoving them down in her backpack, gathering the rest in her hands before turning around to climb to the rooftop. 
As she climbed the last set of stairs, Y/N saw their helicopters approaching as the seven agents she was waiting for used a special gun to shoot a line to her building, before locking them in place before zip-lining their way to meet her. She helped Seth, the agent that was kept hostage climb up the little wall since he was in a pretty bad shape, throwing his arm across her shoulders and basically dragging him to where they thrown the stair to climb up to the helicopter with the medical team waiting for him. Cara and Roman climbed first since they’re going to report what they saw and assist Seth as best as they could. Roman grabbed him and the rope stair, shouting to pull them up so he could be taken care of. 
Raul was the last one to arrive, as always staying behind to insure everyone got there safely and no one would try to kill them or anything. He graciously climbed the all as if it was nothing, pulling the gun from the string and cutting it so no one could follow them up there that quickly. Raul told everyone to climb onto the helicopter and they’re quick to follow his order, only one person stubbornly waiting for him, as always. He held back the relieved smile from stretching across his features, noticing how warm and relaxed he felt only by seeing Y/N standing besides the hope ladder. She looked worried, a frown on her beautiful face and Raul wanted to smooth his fingers over it as if it would ease all of her troubles away.
She nodded as soon as he was close enough, Raul being quick to pick up the heavy backpack she was carrying and leaving the rest to her “Are you okay?”
“What? Of course, Why do you ask?” he knew why she was asking, hell, his heartbeat was still a bit too fast to be normal, and yeah, partially was because he was standing in front of Y/N, but on the other hand he almost got killed. She only arched her brow at him and he sighed in defeat “Of course I am, doll, you know me, I’m always okay” 
“That’s what’s scares me the most” she said with a sad chuckle and started climbing the rope ladder to the helicopter and Raul was quick to follow behind.
“Dude, that was insane, I can’t believe you didn’t miss or accidentally shot Raul from across the street!” the youngest guy from the mission shouted as soon as they reached them on the vehicle, Raul closing the door behind them. 
Y/N only giggled in response “yeah, a bit crazy, isn’t it?”
“That’s because she’s the best, Tommy, but she won’t believe it” Raul said as he sat on one of the vacant seats, waiting for her to join him. 
“Oh shut it” she said unable to stop the smile from forming.
They kept on talking about the mission for a while, Tommy and the other two kids who recently joined still high from the adrenaline, but Y/N couldn’t be more worn out and Raul was quick to catch it. He leaned closer to her and she automatically laid her head on his shoulder, a movement that was almost mechanic to both of them. He gently grabbed her hand that was placed on her knee and interlaced their fingers together, letting her play with his hand to pass the time. 
Y/N sighed and mumbled after a while, when most of the kids were too distracted to pay attention “Are you really okay? Don’t say that you’re always fine, I mean it”
Raul had mastered the art of the poker face. He could easily be having the worst time of his life, but he would never let it showcase always with a quick sarcastic remark and an easy smirk on his lips, ready to flirt with anyone to distract them from the real problem. Raul was not the best when dealing with feelings and emotions, always thought it was easier to push them away, but Y/N saw right through him. She always did, ever since they were little. After that, he never tried to hide it again from her, always being as honest as he could with her about how he was, and obviously it didn’t always work, but she understood and respected it. It’s not like he needed to say anything for her to know. 
But at the same time, she didn’t know that he would always be fine, as long as she was safe and right next to him, the rest didn’t matter. 
“I promise you I’m fine, you saved my beautiful ass and we’re going home, I’d say we’re fantastic” he said after a while, pressing a long kiss to the back of their laced hands. 
That seemed to be enough to convince Y/N, since she huffed through her nose and let out a tiny giggle, before leaning closer to him and Raul took it as a sign to drape his arm over her shoulder pulling her closer to his chest “your beautiful ass is really annoying, you know that, right?”
“Oh, I do, but you love it anyway” he said with a giggle, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, as she just showed him her middle finger, making him laugh even more. 
Yeah, he was definitely fine. For now. 
                                                     -*-
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Thoughts on the ship Rosalie/Bella?
While it’s a nice thought, sadly, I don’t think either Rosalie or Bella are what the other would ever seek in a partner.
Indeed, I think the other would be too close of a reminder to what they see in the worst of themselves. So, even in better circumstances, I don’t think they’d choose each other.
Let’s break that down.
What is Rosalie Looking For?
Rosalie’s past is one filled with brutal trauma, betrayal, and heartbreak. She has been violated by men in the worst of ways, betrayed by the man she thought would be her husband, and then has the surreal experience of being turned into something that, while alive, is not human.
She romanticizes the human life she could have had, clinging to it, never acknowledging that circumstances were such that she never would have had it.
Rosalie never was going to get that simple future of being a humble, good, simple man’s wife with beautiful children and a comfortable life. She was raised in society, uncommonly beautiful and charming, and was set to marry the wealthiest man she could. It might not have been Royce, she could have married a good man, but she would have married into this wealthy world and not ended up with someone like Emmett.
I think this is very telling.
For very understandable reasons, Rosalie has never confronted nor truly gotten over her trauma. Oh, she murdered her rapists and murderers, and put their deaths behind her, she married Emmett and has a (fairly) good relationship with him, but she hasn’t taken her full final steps to recovery.
I think this in part shows in her ending up with a guy like Emmett.
Emmett’s not bad, don’t get me wrong, but it’s very telling in what he loves of Rosalie and that Rosalie loves him for it.
He worships her beauty above all other things and is described as a very simple but pleasant and laidback guy. I think Rosalie is at the point where she wants to be worshipped, especially for the quality that was most valued in her human life, her beauty.
She wants to be with someone safe, someone who loves her, and that someone is definitely Emmett.
I think in the short run this works out very well for the pair of them and perhaps even in the long run. I think both could have chosen a better partner.
Rosalie is complicated, she’s not the shallow vain bitch Edward complains she is nor is she what Emmett seems to see her as. Emmett doesn’t really get his wife, or defend her all that much, he’s in love with her beautiful cheerleader persona. Rosalie, similarly, is in love with this man whose greatest attribute is his love of her. I’m sure there are moments she finds Emmett rather boorish and slow on the uptake.
What Do I Think Rosalie Needs?
To be honest, of all the characters where I raise my eyebrow at Meyer putting them with someone of the opposite gender, Rosalie’s one of the ones where they raise the highest.
Even Carlisle, when Rosalie drags in this man’s bleeding carcass, goes, “Oh, is this your cousin?” And has a “Him?!” moment when Rosalie explains this is her new husband.
I always would have expected, especially after her experiences, for Rosalie to be with a woman. That said, I do think her society’s prejudices and expectations would be a huge barrier for her and she’d have to do a lot of character growth before this would ever be possible. And I mean a lot of character growth, as in, Rosalie hasn’t reached this point even post Twilight saga.
Right, regardless of gender, I think Rosalie needs a partner who a) understands her b) does not value her looks c) accepts the good and the bad parts of her.
Like all of us, Rosalie is flawed. She’s a very impressive, down right intimidating, woman who has an iron clad will and gets what she wants. She has a deep love for her family and a great capacity for compassion. However, there are times when she’s the sixteen-year-old girl who has very much not escaped her society’s mindset. She fully advocates Bella Swan’s murder so the family won’t have to move, not realizing until Carlisle points it out that this is a heinous thing to do. Rosalie says vicious, racist, things to Jake likely never realizing exactly what it is she’s saying. She’s stubborn, proud, and as Edward put it a bit pig-headed.
Emmett tends to just go “Yeah, she’s a bitch, but she’s my bitch”. Which... great, thanks Emmett, that’s very helpful.
Bella Swan is Not That Person
Bella per the start of the series is a seventeen-year-old girl with cripplingly low self-esteem, huge parental issues, and a dangerous inclination towards depression.
Bella shows serious interest in women sexually (her relationship with Alice has some serious homoerotic undertones) but she’s also very intimidated by them. Rosalie, especially, makes Bella evaluate and feel worse about herself as she knows she will never be as beautiful as this teenage blonde goddess.
In other words, this Bella is not in a position to be the kind of person Rosalie needs. She’s too caught up in figuring out who she herself is, cares very much about Rosalie’s appearance and using it to compare against her own, and isn’t stable enough to be what Rosalie needs.
And by the end of canon... Well... Bella’s left the planet and will soon join Esme in being a hauntingly strange person entirely divorced from reality.
What if we’re in a slightly AU world?
Well, we’re banking on a lot of character development for Bella that I don’t believe can happen with Edward around. Either Bella shows interest in Edward or, well, he eats her. (No, seriously, this is canon, both Alice and Edward confirm as much.) 
And if the family packs up and leaves during New Moon and never comes back... Well, of all the people Bella might end up with after that, I think Rosalie might just be the least likely (not to mention Rosalie would not be down for hanging around Edward’s stupid human girlfriend).
What is Bella Looking For?
Bella’s looking for validation of her very self. She wants to be loved, more than that, she wants to be worth something.
Bella has such a low opinion of herself that, at this point in her life, she needs this feeling to come from elsewhere. She finds this in both Edward and Jacob.
And it doesn’t matter how scary they are (and both are, indeed, very scary towards her), it doesn’t matter what it is they value, just that they both seem to want her even though she’s a foolish, clumsy, pale, ugly, human, nobody, loser. 
That’s all Bella wants.
Edward’s a perfect storm in that he’s inhumanly perfect, beautiful beyond all comprehension, and completely obsessed with her. In Edward’s eyes, Bella is not just perfect, she’s fascinating.
And then, of course, she’s not and it utterly destroys her. 
Basically, Bella’s is a very sad life.
What Does Bella Need?
Bella needs time to grow up and find out who she is and how to value that.
Bella is your very typical teenage girl. She’s precocious, has a lot of issues growing up with her mom, but she has a lot of issues many teenage girls do have.
I think, before Bella can find a truly good partner, she needs to learn how to value herself.
This will be painful and take a lot of time. In New Moon, I think Jake actually sets her back as she uses him to find value in herself for her (essentially replacing Edward).
Only after Bella discovers who she is, reaffirms why she is important and worthy of love, can she find someone.
What does that person look like?
Well, it sure as fuck isn’t Vampire Patrick Bateman, otherwise known as Edward Cullen. Nor is it Jake Black who sexually assaults her, tells her to kiss him or he’ll kill himself, then tells her that her dying is pointless as it means he and Edward fought over nothing. 
It also isn’t Alice, who treats Bella a lot like she would a life-sized Barbie Doll rather than a friend and a human being.
I’m not sure who it is, to be honest.
Someone who recognizes who Bella is, certainly, the good and the bad. Someone who is able to... reconcile her with the world she truly lives in. Maybe, circumstances changing around a bit, it’s Carlisle Cullen? (Though that would certainly be a dumpster fire of divorce and despair with Edward and Esme) Maybe it’s Jasper (also a dumpster fire of divorce and despair with Edward and Alice)? 
I really have no idea here. Unlike Rosalie, I can’t even tell you what this person would need to be like.
What I do know is...
Rosalie is Not That Person
Just as Bella views Rosalie as a threat, as something to measure herself against and feel unworthy of in every way, Rosalie does the same.
Bella is a pretty human woman who captures Edward’s attention in a way she never can. Rosalie, at the time we start canon, for all her accomplishments and all she’s done is still insecure enough that she needs to be the prettiest woman in the room. 
Just as Bella’s not secure enough to be what Rosalie needs, Rosalie is not secure enough to be what Bella needs.
Rosalie also doesn’t see Bella for what she is. Rosalie sees, at first, a normal boring human teenager and dismisses her. She falls into the typical Cullen trap (for all but Carlisle) that they forget humans are people too. Later, Bella discounts Rosalie’s very earnest advice and Rosalie never forgives her for it. This is understandable, Rosalie lays her soul bare, but she forgets Bella’s a teenage girl and more can’t see what Bella herself is battling with.
Bella thinks being human is worthless because Bella thinks being Bella is worthless. Children and a human future mean nothing to her.
It would take a lot, A LOT, of character development for Rosalie to be someone that Bella needs in this situation and even then... Well, they’d have to deal with the horrifying shit show that is Edward. Because if Edward/Bella isn’t happening...
It’s lunch time.
TL;DR
I’d say pin your hopes on Alice/Bella, except that one’s not happening either for all that they do have their very homoerotic friendship.
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momowho34 · 3 years
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Naruto Modern AU where Sasuke is this tired and stressed straight laced guy in law school just trying to live up to his parents over blown expectation because of his “perfect” older brother but he’s also hot or something so while he’s freaking out about law school people think he’s so cool and popular but in reality he has literally no idea what he’s doing. and Naruto is that one guy that skateboards and wears beanies all the time and snorts pixie sticks in his free time and is all “living to live, man” but at the same time would totally throw down in a Wendy’s parking lot and then like pat you on the back afterwards, he takes nothing seriously and is besties with his therapist
And the others? Oh boy. Kiba Inazuka is totally a dude bro but a dude bro who was raised by lesbians so he’s got that respect women juice down to a tee and he has girl friends and guy friends and like he’ll play football with the boys and be like “yeah Trisha painted my nails the other day <3 I love this shade” and they’re just like ?????. Shino is the weird wicked smart bug kid that names all of his beetles and will enthusiastically show them to you and he seems cold and emotionless most of the time but he hears everything and will show up at your house at 4 in the morning like “I heard you were talking shit about me, bitch.” Hinata is the sweetest ray of sunshine that cares about her friends more then literally anything else and because she’s a rich girl she’s friends with Sasuke but on the down low she’s so kind and she hardly ever talks about her personal issues but like every single one of the 9 would suplex her dad if they ever got the chance no questions asked.
Lee is weird and straight laced but also really loud and annoying, like a teachers pet that even the teacher doesn’t know what the fuck is going on with. Neji hates the fucking world and wants you to know it (and like fair king tbh fuck it up) but he also gets the best grades ever and is super loved by all his teachers even though he could out curse any sailor at any time regardless of circumstance. Tenten is weird she acts normal and is absolutely ordinary but everybody gets the feeling that one day she’ll snap and murder everybody in the room and like they love her but they keep their fucking distance if they value their heads.
Inoshikacho is like that one groups of friends who have nothing to do with eachother if their parents weren’t friends but they’ve been stuck to eachother like super glue ever since elementary school and there’s no going back now bitch. Ino is kind of a bitch and she talks shit but she has a moral compass for the most part and is genuinely a good person overall but spite her and she will fuck you up and ruin your life just because. Choji is laid back and chill and really really well adjusted and commonly gives sage advice out of nowhere because he’s probably the most mentally stable out of all of them tbh he just eats chips and tells jokes. Shikamaru is that kid who could probably outsmart Albert Einstein but he won’t ever turn in his fucking homework because of executive dysfunction so he just. He just sit there. People tends to think of him as a stupid stoner but he secretly knows everybodies secrets and darkest insecurities by heart.
And don’t even get me fucking started on Team Taka. Suigetsu is incredibly slutty but will also fight you for funsies and he looks harmless but he can fuck shit up if he feels like it aswell as get himself into the weirdest most convoluted situations you’ve ever seen. Karin is smart and tells it like it is always, everybody values her honesty and wit. She holds the brain cells, and only her. Juugo is a big scary looking tough guy that also owns a hundred different animals and feeds the squirrels and birds and meditates all the time even though he looks like a truck. He’s mostly a pacifist, surprisingly.
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femmeharringrove · 4 years
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see, it's not like steve's ever been good at coping.
it's bad after starcourt, but instead of dealing with it then steve just puts everything into healing others. he comforts eleven, stays on the phone all night with lucas or dustin, helps will learn not to fear the cold, gives billy a shoulder to cry on and a place to live.
and so billy gets a front-row seat to steve's self-destruction.
he doesn't think it's his place to speak, initially, but he does worry when steve leaves early in the afternoon and comes back wasted, bruises on his throat and traces of powder on his clothes. some weekends he doesn't come home, he goes to indianapolis and shows up late sunday evening with a massive hangover and billy just gets him to eat and drink a little before getting him in bed. steve's not eating enough, he's losing weight and billy worries because this is his best friend, not even heather matches their level. and steve's done so much good for him but he doesn't know how to return the favor - not until steve barrels out of the bathroom one night shaking like a leaf, tears streaming down his face. billy takes one look inside, catches sight of two life-changing sticks, and rushes out after him.
and it's then, when he finds steve out by the quarry in a panic, that he knows how to help.
"i didn't mean to get pregnant," steve sniffles, and the moment billy crouches next to him the brunette is shuffling closer, scared and in need of comfort. and billy's still working on the physical thing, learning it's okay to be affectionate, but he doesn't hesitate to hold steve as close as he can.
"i know," he murmurs. "it's okay. we'll figure it out. you aren't doing this alone, you hear me?" and initially billy thinks he's fucked up because steve starts crying again, but when this round of sobs passes the other boy gives him a shaky smile.
"you promise?"
"cross my heart and all that shit." and that's just it. whatever steve needs, billy's got him.
steve initially doesn't want to go through with it, but decides ultimately it could be a good thing. he's thought about parenthood before, always wondered if he could be a better father than his own. this is a chance to prove it. and billy gives him all the support in the world. nobody messes with the only child of the harrington family, they can't afford the fallout, but he's always gotten dirty looks after coming out and they get worse now that he's pregnant. but billy follows him everywhere now amd anyone who gives him a look has to face the blonde's anger. and sure, he's not where he once was. he's still putting on muscle and learning to use his hands again, but half of what makes billy hargrove scary is the way he presents himself, the glare that suggests he knows people won't mess with him. and they don't, amd they don't mess with steve either for the same reason.
and when billy isn't around to do the protecting, steve's got others. joyce has kicked people out of melvad's before, for harassing a fifteen year-old steve. and five years later she still does it, voice calm and eyes steely. claudia is at every appointment he has, making sure the other nurses and doctors call him by the right name and pronouns. she's there when steve sees the baby's hand for the first time and has a breakdown because he's growing a whole person and doesn't know if he'll really be able to take care of them.
and claudia, she remembers being confused and a little judgemental when steve came out as steve, but that was before she caught him shuffling down the aisles of the library one day, small and clearly anxious about everyone he came across. thirteen year-old steve had lacked the easy confidence he sported now, and it was when she saw him that it sort of clicked. she didn't understand how someone could be a gender other than the one they were born as, but she made a point to greet him as steve any time she saw him and made an effort to accept him. now he's like the older son she never had, dustin's big brother, and when he weeps frantically over the daunting trial of parenthood she takes him by the shoulders and gives him the most serious look she can muster.
"nobody is ever ready for parenthood," she tells him, and one hand comes to wipe his tears away. "but you have exactly the heart for this job. you're going to be the best father in this whole town."
which steve doesn't agree with. the best dad in town is hopper.
hopper, who's been harassing people for harassing steve for years, but is more aggressive about it now because steve really means something to him now. sometimes, eleven calls him her brother, and hop figures, yeah, the kid could use a dad. so he makes a habit of checking up on him, and it gets more frequent now because he's also checking on billy, and with a baby on the way hopper's protectiveness is at an all-time high. nobody wants to fuck with the chief, so no one fucks with steve.
when the harringtons find out, steve's dad is livid, but it's steve's mother who keeps him from lashing out. the couple can't stand the blow to their social life and so it's off to lansing for them, a fresh start or whatever. the house stays under their name, though, and steve and billy make it theirs. the cosy master bedroom becomes steve's, billy finally decorates the guest room downstairs as his own. his mother calls sort of regularly, she's not thrilled about the situation but she's eager for a grandbaby to spoil, and steve counts that as a blessing.
of course, the party freaks out when steve announces his pregnancy. it's not like they didn't know steve could get pregnant, but they've never considered the idea that he would. eleven, max, and will are immediately thrilled, discussing baby names and wanting to pat his belly - especially el, who's never really experienced a pregnancy. mike and lucas are a little weirded out, but mike brings steve a bunch of baby books left over from holly and lucas donates his own old toys, declaring that baby harrington was going to be the coolest baby ever if he got to help look out for the little one. dustin doesn't know how to feel initially, which stresses steve out, but when someone throws a slur at steve three weeks after that dustin flips out, yells himself hoarse at the fucker, and declares himself steve and the baby's most ardent protector. the whole group has already discussed babysitting schedules and, yeah, maybe steve did cry about it, but he's pregnant and it was probably the hormones and not anything else, thank you.
robin gently berates him about sleeping with strangers out of town when she finds out, but after that she takes her position as aunt very seriously. within four weeks she buys three outfits, five stuffed animals, and a french record to help the baby learn the language.
"no such thing as too early," she says as she drops it on the dresser in steve's old room. the new nursery.
it's a labor of love, mostly by billy. woodworking is a big help with his hands so he was all too happy to make a crib himself. again, steve cried, but this time he feels it's justified. billy's put a rocking chair in too, and a record player too - "your taste in music is shit," he'd deadpanned as he brought the thing in. "someone's gotta culture the little snot." amd billy does that all the time, he's called the baby a snot, a turd, a little shit, all that jazz. but his face is softer than it's ever been and that makes steve smile every single time.
steve's labor of love starts five weeks early, much to his horror, and it hurts like a bitch. he gives birth early in the morning after a rainy night. she's a little replica of steve, down to the moles on her cheek, and he doesn't think he's ever known love until he looks at his daughter and feels the almost painful swell in his chest. he cries as he hugs her against his chest and swears on his life he'll do right by this wondrous little girl. her name is nikita - no, not after the elton john song, though later when she asks that's what he tells her, just so she can throw her head back and groan, "daaad!"
no, she's named after his grandmother. and she gets rosaline for a middle name after billy's mother. because, even if they didn't say it, it's clear billy intends to co-parent. he doesn't call it that, he just says he's helping a friend, but he's the one who changes her diaper at night and bounces her to sleep listening to metallica and teaches her to eat spaghetti.
and originally, he's the one she calls dad.
first it's baba, which steve thinks is in reference to the fact that billy bottlefeeds her, and billy thinks it's similar enough to "billy" to not be anything more than that. but she gets older and learns to say billy and steve, and still calls him baba. baba and papa. and to the outside world it makes sense, they're a little family, steve and billy ooze a chemistry anyone else can't deny. but it takes them three extra years to get with the program and become a couple.
to this day, niki claims there aren't more clueless people out than her dads when it comes to love.
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