#long ago every single race hated each other

[high-guardian-herbs]

So here is the character sheet for the orcs! And boy their history and lore makes me sad

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Ghost x City Girl Reader

No pair of people hated each other more than you and Ghost. To him, you were just another loud-mouthed, obnoxious, and immature little princess needing to be humbled. To you, he was just a boring, broody asshole hellbent on not liking you. Things between you two couldn't be any worse. And then, tonight happens…

NSFW 18+ Eventual Smut, Porn with Plot, Romance, Drama, Clubbing, Dirty Dancing, Mentions of Alcohol, Slight Slow Burn, Hatemance, Jealousy, Bickering, Teasing, Flirting, Reader is a mean girl, Ghost is an asshole, but the chemistry's there, Slowly gets steamier as it goes, slight hints of Reader x Gaz, 'cause why not

Word Count: 4.2k

Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Masterlist

A/N: Finally finished this (was super nervous to post this for some reason)! This was inspired after binge-watching a shit ton of Bad Girl's Club on Tubi. I just know Ghost and a City Girl wouldn't get along at first, but I love dynamics that look like they wouldn't work. Part two is where the smut is, but I like build-up and stuff, so I turned a one-shot smut piece into a two-parter. I hope you enjoy ू(ʚ̴̶̷́ .̠ ʚ̴̶̷̥̀ ू)

"Ayy~" You rest your hands on your knees in a joyous fashion, readying yourself to start shaking your ass. "Let's get it bitch!"

Music blared on the club speakers, the crowd growing hyped as the sounds of Pink Panties from Baby Keem serenaded the drunken patrons all looking to have a good night.

That third daiquiri had caught up to you, your mind buzzing and your heart racing. The swell of the crowd dancing around you puts you in a euphoric trance. All you can comprehend is the warmth in the air, the taste of alcohol behind your teeth, and the way the beat makes your skin vibrate as you dance.

Your face expresses every bit of the drunken euphoria you were feeling, letting it bring your hands seductively down your body, pulling in any who dare come, if they're brave enough.

You and the rest of 141 came just at the perfect time; the club was just starting to get busy but it hadn't yet grown too packed. Chatter and laughter picked up and the music got better the more you drank. The vibe was just right…

…Almost.

Across from the dance floor, at the corner of the bar where he'd been standing all night, Ghost watches you dance, unamused, with dark eyes leering at you from afar.

He observes the way your hips sway to the music like it were his own, private video. All night he's been watching you, his gaze lingering just a little longer each time; though, it hadn't been any less unwelcoming.

If he watched any longer he might just excuse himself, so that he may relieve the tension that's built between you. Deep down he knew you knew that too. It's thus created a notable, stormy cloud over his head all night, one you undoubtedly took joy in seeing.

Your eyes play with him across the sea of dancing heads between you, taunting him, teasing him, and letting him know just how much better than him you thought you were. The same eyes he's grown accustomed to for a long time now.

Codename: Spice. He couldn't think of a more fitting name for such a hot-headed woman, seeing as "Bitch" wasn't acceptable. You joined the team maybe a year or so ago. Much too long for Ghost to have counted.

When Laswell initially brought you in, the entire Task Force was in an UPROAR. You'd been a well-decorated soldier, to say the least, however, what merits and awards you held almost paled in comparison to the rap sheet of complaints and discrepancies you possessed.

Fighting. Disobedience. Disorderly Conduct. Fraternization. Etcetera. Etcetera.

And as if that weren't enough, you were a complete and utter bitch as well. Especially to Ghost, who you've singled out in particular. If defending your country was your day job, then being the thorn in Ghost's side had become your newest evening hobby.

Any chance you had, you were picking on the man. Your comments teetered back and forth between being harsh and petty, and once you knew he didn't like you, you just doubled down on the behavior. And it didn't matter what approach the man took to this; he could ignore you, or he could get loud, but nothing deterred you.

It wasn't often that someone got under Ghost's skin; he always did model himself on control and discipline. With all the horrible people he's managed to meet in his lifetime (and not even being in his mid 30's yet either), naturally, it would take a lot to truly irritate the man. And by no means were you the worse person he's ever interacted with before either.

But you've always been more akin to that of a tick; any time you got a chance to get under his skin, you dug in, and you dug deep.

Ghost would applaud you for how intensive you were with your pettiness. Nearly as cold, ruthless, and calculated with that as you were with your enemies on the field. God forbid someone actually steps up to you, less they suffer a broken nose or a black eye. You were Queen B and you wanted everyone to know it.

Ghost, however, was less than interested in feeding into your silly little ego.

Even now, your eyes haven't left Ghost's since you started dancing again, time moving at a snail's pace in your gazes. Knowing that the sight of you pisses him off.

Right then, as you danced, some poor woman made an attempt at courting him as he sat alone, brooding to himself. You never were one to diss a girl's taste, you guess. Not out loud, at least.

This woman, wearing her ill-fitted skirt and tacky make-up, had been getting sloppy drunk with her friends in a corner for the last hour, eyeing Ghost from across the bar just as long. At some point, she thought it'd be a wise time to swoop in and make her move.

Ghost notices this because he's now felt a stranger's hand touch his arm. Had he not looked first to see who it was, he would have been seconds away from instinctually sending his elbow back to flex their hand from him, which would have definitely connected with the woman's face.

The woman practically jolts once she sees she's startled him, however, she attempts to cover it with a laugh. "Hi," she greets.

"Can I help you?" Ghost asks, though he couldn't sound any less interested.

"I was just over there with my friends and-"

"You should get back to them."

A state of shock whiplashes on her face before she huffs and stomps back over to her friends. Ghost didn't even watch as she left; he had more pressing matters to attend to.

You smirk at Ghost, seeing this from where you dance. The man makes it so easy to push his buttons, just look at him. He doesn't even look like he wants to be here tonight, more dressed like he was about to rob a bank than go out drinking with his mates.

Frankly, you're shocked he even showed up. Clubs seemed like the last place you'd catch him, and you were right. However, Gaz and Soap giving the lieutenant a hard time as of late finally pushed him into coming out with everyone. And of course, it had to be on the night you got to choose the spot too. You'd been sick of dive bars and small get-togethers, however, so you chose a club in a heartbeat, naysayers be damned.

"Hey Kyle~" You wave for Gaz, catching his eye in the crowd. He and Soap had both been drinking just as much as you since arriving, getting dragged off by every single woman within a five-foot radius of them.

You lost Soap fifteen minutes ago, and here Gaz was now, having been able to finally rid himself of his unwanted groupies. Good thing too; you need someone to dance on, and you wanted to give your lieutenant a show.

Gaz has already grooved his way over to you the second your eyes invited him over. Lord knows he's wanted a piece since you arrived, though you saved the real promiscuity for men outside your workplace; less messy that way. You'll gladly have them chase you though.

Once in reach, you bring your arms to his shoulders and wrap them loosely around his neck, smelling the Gin and Tonic on his breath and the citrus scent of his cologne, though it's since been mixed with an array of other colognes and perfumes. His hands find your sides, settling into your hips, with drunken smiles growing between you the more comfortable you grew.

What were once innocent brushes of the legs and hip twirling, soon devolves into something a little less PG. Before long you've both found your rhythm, swaying your hips along to the music and moving together as one unit.

You whip your body around, grinding your ass against Gaz, pressing yourself back roughly against him. You make sure he can hear you laugh at him after you've heard the little gasp he let out too. However, you can play with more than one person at a time, and the Sergeant hadn't been the only one you were playing with at the moment.

The whole time, you've kept your eyes locked on the lieutenant's from across the floor, a devilish smile forming. Had Soap not bumped into Ghost suddenly, who's to say how long Ghost would have spent watching you, his bourbon held sternly in his gloved hand.

"Ghost!" Soap bellows out, cheeks a rosy pink from his drink, and lips painted in a large grin. The man had certainly been attempting to give you a run for your money in terms of enjoying himself tonight. The smeared lipstick stains near the base of his neck only said as much. Both men and women tonight had been swooning over his accent and muscles since he stepped foot in the building. Ghost had already written the man off for the night altogether.

"Still standin' 'ere all by yer lonesome, L.T.?"

"Been the best seat in the house," Ghost says dryly.

Soap follows Ghost's gaze, until he's found you on the dance floor with your eyes closed and your head cocked back, Gaz's head buried in the crook of your neck. Immediately, he knows what's going on, having seen this before.

"Tsk. Tsk. What a she-devil," Soap shakes his head. "Poor lad."

"Should know better by now," Ghost comments. "Girls like that love bein' teases."

Oh, Soap knows already; he learned that the hard way the last time you all went out drinking and you sent him home with the deepest set of blue balls he's ever felt in his life. "Aye," he sighs.

"I've no idea what you lot see in 'er," Ghost says.

"Eh, she's not so bad once you get to know her," Soap shrugs. "You two are a lot more alike than you think."

"I doubt that," Ghost turned back around at the bar, settling in his seat and placing his drink back on the counter. Soap had been ready to join him, however, some tiny woman that's been attached to his hip all night returned (who also conveniently wore the same shade of lipstick as what was smeared on his neck), pulling his attention away. Before long, the lieutenant was alone once more.

You two are a lot more alike than you think.

Now that's a joke. Ghost can't imagine you've gone through even half of what he's been through. Still, it wasn't like you two have ever actually sat down and talked to one another before. It seems nigh impossible to.

Though it wasn't for a lack of trying on your end.

The presence of another human at Ghost's side brings his eyes drearily over, until they've begrudgingly fallen onto you. It seems you grew bored of dancing, and now decided to take your teasing to the source itself.

"Enjoy the show?" you ask him teasingly, knowing you'll most likely not receive a reply, which you don't. Ghost doesn't even fully face you, keeping his eyes pointed ahead of himself at the bar. He hadn't been looking to talk, and it's not like his reply would change anything you had to say. You did invite yourself over.

"You know, Manchester," You lean against the bar, looking up at the man, just close enough to hear him over the club music and smell the cologne and cigarette smoke on him. "Instead of starin' like a creep, why don't you actually take that stick out your ass and come dance."

Now you're just taking the piss. Ghost finally gives you a look, though he wishes he hadn't. Up close, he's seeing this skimpy little, lowcut tight dress you've got on, with your fishnet stockings and heels. The black choker around your neck was simple, and just begging for someone to tug it off you, and the lipgloss you wore looked like it tasted sweet on your tongue.

Years of training and experience are everything it takes to keep his eyes from dropping any lower than your collarbone. Just in his peripherals, Ghost can see how bouncy and voluptuous they sat in your dress.

You got this cocky look on your face now. "I'll dance with you."

Ghost scoffs. "Not a chance."

"Aw, I get it," you say sarcastically. "I wouldn't want to embarrass myself out there either."

"This place can only handle so much of that with you already out there."

This conversation felt as old as time between you two. If it wasn't you being catty and mean, then it was Ghost being aloof and guarded. While you knew he had been implying your little performance on the dance floor earlier, you were as quick with your tongue as your lieutenant.

And you can't lie, you'd been itching for some good banter all night. You'll take it from anyone, even from the likes of Ghost.

"Please," you laugh. "As if your big ass could actually move out there. I bet you can't even do the two-step."

"I'm sure you'd wanna know," Ghost says.

You reach over, and by your own boundless curiosity, take his drink, inviting yourself to a sip. The bourbon burns your throat as you swallow, your nose scrunching. You smile as you see Ghost's gaze razor focus on your lips pressing to the cool glass of his drink, taking a small sip and letting your tongue chase its remnants over your bottom lip. It's just the way he does so, so unabashedly, that you can't help but giggle at.

"I already know everything I need to, honey."

Ghost turns his body to fully face you now, his massive height over you only now becoming apparent by the shadow it casts. It's intimidated most of the women at the club tonight, whenever Ghost wouldn't just do it himself. No such thing went on with you, however.

He's been sitting here by himself all night, and as much as he could list a plethora of others he'd prefer to be standing here with at the moment, he had you. If you'd use him for your own uncaring amusement, then he'll do the same, since you want to bring that side out of him so badly.

"And what's that?" he asks.

"That you're boring as fuck and have a stick up your ass," you say bluntly. Of course, Ghost didn't expect any less from you. You do this sober, just with less pep to your speech, unlike now. "Though I'm sure you're already aware of that."

"How original," Ghost says dryly. "It take you long to think that one up?"

"I only tell it like I see it."

"Wha' then," Ghost's gaze turns stone cold, doing all it can not to give you a way in. "Gaz wasn't enough? Now you've come to make yourself easy pickin's for the next sorry lad lookin' for an easy lay?"

"Ooo, feisty." You lean in now, resting your hand on the bar counter so you could prop yourself up, giving yourself what little height you can against your unmoving opponent.

"I wouldn't fuck you if you paid me," you say.

"I wouldn't fuck you for charity."

"I wouldn't fuck you if my life depended on it," you shoot back. "As if you could even handle me, Manchester."

"What's there to handle?" he taunts. "You're nothin' but talk. You bark like a bitch and puff your chest, but it's all show. Just a way to make yourself feel big. No surprise you make yourself the local slag; any lad with some sense surely wouldn't bother."

Oh, that comment strikes a nerve; you feel your eyebrow twitch and your blood begin to simmer the second he closes his stupid, British mouth.

"Who're you callin' a bitch and a slag?" You step up now like there's a problem now. "How about you come back with some new material when you can actually talk to me without that little safety blanket on your face, Manchester. It's easy to talk shit when you've got something to hide behind. And you call me unoriginal."

You take his drink and pour it out on the counter now, watching it spill over the surface and drip onto the floor. When you meet his gaze again, if looks could kill, you'd both be dead. You just wasted a good cup of fucking bourbon.

"Do somethin' about it," you taunt him.

He steps forward, and for a small second, you think the man might actually do something. However, it had merely been an intimidation tactic, a warning. He stops just a few inches shy of you, keeping his strong arms crossed over his chest.

Ghost would love to, oh, believe him. It's taking all of him not to say something really foul to you and truly ruin the whole night for everyone. And you don't stop at the drink either.

You step even closer now, keeping your head cocked back and your eyes on him. You're close enough now to feel the body heat bouncing off from him, vibrating the more irritated he grew.

"Do something," you say again. "You just gonna let some slag pour your drink out like that?"

You raise your hand up as though you're about to smack him, and that's what finally gets him to move. Ghost catches your tiny wrist in his hand, his grip tight as he holds you there.

"What the fuck-" You grimace at first, your fight-or-flight instincts telling you to try and tug your hand out of his grip and use your other to sock him straight. However, something differently entirely occurs in you suddenly.

You take a moment to really feel his hand on your wrist, how the slightest adjustment of his thumb made a chill trickle up your arm, and that he was the closest he's ever stood next to you outside of work. The man might irritate you, and he was an asshole, but Goddamn did he have an inviting pair of hands and some magnetic eyes on him. Eyes that seemed just as curious to outline all the makings of your figure.

You kind of liked it.

He must like it too, judging from how he hasn't made any attempts at letting go. But there had been a million different things running through his mind right now, all of which made him question himself.

He thought about all the ways he could overpower you right now; you gab on like you're big, and there were so many times he's just wanted to remind you of your size. Small enough to be bound and at his mercy if he so pleased. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but the thought sounded intriguing.

Your arm settles in his strong grip, your eyelids lowering as you look his masked face up and down, trying to observe his dark eyes in the dim lights. They look to you, trying to guess your next move, though even you couldn't be sure.

You take your other hand and you place it on his chest, just to see if you can. All this time you've known him, you've never actually done so before. You feel your fingers rest against him, and even beneath the fabric of his hoodie, you feel his heart racing.

The club music finally dies down, preparing to switch to its next song. With maybe just a few inches of space between you, it feels as though it's only the two of you in this entire room at this moment.

But just then, you're interrupted. Soap wasn't too far away and must have started picking up on the vibe's shifting, because he couldn't cut between the two of you fast enough.

"Alright," he steps between you two, a drunken smile still on his face. "That'll do you two."

His presence does little to take your eyes off each other, merely looking through the Sergeant, still trying to see if either one of you would say something else. As expected, it's you who does first.

"We were just about to dance," you look over at Ghost with a playful smile. "Isn't that right, Manchester?"

Ghost looks down at you. He almost wants to say no. However, he found himself curious suddenly to see where you might take things. He hadn't felt quite done with you yet, himself.

"That's right."

Soap looks flabbergasted by this. "Yer gonna dance, L.T.?"

"We'll try not to make too much of a scene," you tease.

You take hold of Ghost's hand, feeling his grip tense in your grasp, as you pulled him out onto the dance floor. Woman by Doja Cat just started and you were ready to rock this man's world.

Even with everything going on around, heads turn as you both pass by, noticing the tall, masked figure making his way onto the dance floor with this overly enthusiastic party girl who looks nothing like his type.

You find a spot just on the edge of the crowd, where the lights were low and your team could not see you. Once there, you watch Ghost stand awkwardly, waiting for you to start moving first. It's not like you needed him to do much anyway.

You ease into your dance, beginning with light footwork and hip twirling, letting the music guide its rhythm through your legs. Ghost did an odd shuffle to start, not doing much beyond moving his feet. Once he grew more comfortable, however, you learned that he could in fact do the two-step... If you sucked all the atmosphere out of it at least.

The music picks up, and you bring your hands up to his muscular shoulders, gently resting them there similarly to how you did with Gaz earlier. Only unlike the Sergeant, Ghost seemed reluctant to fully give in to your charms. He wouldn't even bring himself to touch you, just letting you use him like a pole.

You bring your head in close, shouting over the music so that he can hear you, "You're an asshole, you know."

Ghost rolls his eyes. "You're a bitch."

Growing impatient, you boldly take his hands and place them on your hips for him, feeling your skin tingle as his fingers settle against your hipbones. The hesitancy subsides once you start guiding him along with you slowly, easing him into the high tempo of the music.

"And proud of it."

You turn around and press yourself to the lieutenant, feeling your ass brush against his jeans and the grunt that leaves his chest. All he's left with now is the smell of the shampoo you'd used in your hair and the shape of your bottom against his groin. You tell him, "I'm not here to impress you."

He leans in, until you've felt his masked lips brush against the shell of your ear. His voice all but rumbles through you, "And I'm not here to entertain you."

"Aren't you?" You bend over, bringing your hands to your ankles and seductively sliding them back up your legs, and making sure each time you made your ass shake that he could feel it even through his jeans. You'd give anything to see his face right now. "Say what you want," you tease. "I don't give a fuck."

This time he doesn't shy away from letting his hands slide alongside you, stopping just at your waist so that you can still move yourself freely against him. "Yeah, you do," he all but says in a seductive growl. "Why else are we here now?"

You tilt your head back and look up to find Ghost's eyes leering down at you, half-lidded. You watch him slowly start to lose himself, his mind chasing after that brief feeling of arousal you shot through him each time you pressed yourself to him.

"I don't know," you take hold of Ghost's hands again, only this time when you rest them back at your hips, you keep your hands there, holding them. "But it takes two to dance, Manchester."

"Let's dance then."

Once the words subsided, and the club music drowned out any and everything else on the dance floor, the only thing that could be felt was the ecstasy of Ghost's body pressed so close to yours. His large hands explore your small form smoothly, letting you slide your own hands up his arms, feeling his warmth of him. He molds into your movements easily, eyes never leaving yours, with battered breaths shared between you.

Your hands stretch above your head as your bottom hugs your black little dress tightly. The fabric stretches each time you drop your ass to give it another spin, lights bouncing off you both in a mesh of glittery purples and dark blues.

Every time they do you've felt you've seen a new side of Ghost. A side of him that felt hungry for something no good for him. Though he would be in good company; there wasn't a good man left in him to spare if you kept on him like you have been all night, both in body and tongue.

Had the song not come to an end, who's to say what parts of him you would have ground on next, or what parts of your body his hands would find themselves rhythmically groping.

You turn to the lieutenant, out of breath as he is. Of course, you had been moving your body much more than he. You suppose he can save that energy for later.

"You've got any smokes on you?" you ask him, though you both know where questions like that'll get you.

"Left 'em in my car."

"Why don't you give me one?"

Part Two

[dinogoose]

how long would you wait for me?

His body grows tense under Eddie’s hands, as he heaves out a sigh, “…I can’t stand Marisol. Which makes me feel terrible because she’s nice and beautiful and just overall perfect-“

Eddie cuts him off, his eyebrows furrowing in complete confusion, “What does Marisol have to do with this?” He asks, his grip still secure on Buck’s shoulders, no matter how hard the blonde tries to shake him.

“God- She’s- I can’t- Ugh!” Buck exclaims, unable to articulate properly due to the emotions racing through him.

“Buck,” Eddie begins placatingly, “what’s been going on with you? You’ve been distant, and now you’re angry with me and… Marisol?” He says the last part as a question which makes Buck huff bitterly.

“I’m not ‘angry’ with you or her- I’m in love with you!”

(or, buck is avoiding eddie.)

Buck hates Marisol.

Okay, well, maybe not hate considering he’s met her a grand total of one time. But, he doesn’t like her. Or maybe the idea of her. (Or maybe he hates that she has Eddie, gets to be with him, kiss him, love him-)

So, he doesn’t like her. Which has possibly, maybe, affected things with Eddie so greatly that they’re now here, screaming in each other's faces.

“What is your problem?”

Maybe he should start from the beginning.

—

It had started where things always seemed to start between them, the station’s gym.

Buck was doing his usual routine with the punching bag and Eddie was sitting on the bench nearby, waiting his turn, while occasionally commenting on his form- just to fuck with him.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, one of us has more experience with hitting things.” Buck teases after Eddie’s third comment on his elbow positioning, and Eddie snorts knowing Buck means zero harm.

“Low blow Buckley.” The blond just beams at him before reaching down for his water bottle.

Eddie's phone buzzes from beside him, and Buck watches as the older man picks it up and smiles at whatever is on screen.

“Who’s that?” Buck questions, playfully cocking a brow.

Eddie doesn’t even look up from his phone before responding, “Just Marisol.” He taps away at his phone, responding to her, and Buck melodramatically regrets coming into work today.

“Oh. That’s cool… So things are going well?” He asks, attempting- and failing -to sound like a supportive best friend who isn’t feeling unreasonably jealous. Thankfully Eddie’s too caught up in texting to notice.

“Yeah, they are. We’re going out again tonight.” The smile stays on Eddie’s face as he says this, letting Buck know he needs to remove himself before he does something irrational (like beg on his knees for a chance to prove himself, prove he’s worth loving).

“That’s great man! Let me know if you need someone to hang out with Christopher.” He offers because despite everything his priorities are still in order.

Eddie looks up from his phone finally, “Nah, Carla’s got it covered, but thanks man, you’re a good friend.” Somehow Buck thinks it would’ve hurt less if Eddie had just decked him in the face.

—

Buck is possibly, maybe- definitely -avoiding Eddie.

Not on calls of course, because Buck knows better now than to let things like this affect work but at the station when he hears Eddie talking about a certain someone, he might suddenly be needed in the opposite direction.

Or when Eddie calls for a guys' night, Buck has spontaneous plans forcing him to decline, or when Eddie is waiting for him in the locker room to call him out on his behavior he decides he prefers his own shower and just leaves.

Okay, so he’s one hundred percent avoiding him.

Which he knows isn’t fair, not at all. Eddie isn’t doing a single thing wrong by dating Marisol. It’s not his fault Buck’s a coward who couldn’t voice his feelings years ago. It’s not his fault that Buck feels so hopeless and insecure anytime even a whisper of her is brought up.

He was able to handle Ana because at the time his feelings hadn’t been what they are now. Hadn’t grown into this thing that consumes every part of himself.

Because of this, he’s felt the need to put distance between them. Allow himself time to figure out what the hell he’s going to do, because realistically he knows that he can’t keep avoiding Eddie, can’t keep blowing him off out of petty jealousy, especially when the older man has done nothing to deserve it.

Buck promises himself that tomorrow he’ll talk to Eddie and apologize. Tomorrow he’ll find some excuse for why he’s been so weird these past couple of weeks. Tomorrow.

—

His plan gets thrown out the window as Eddie seemingly follows him after their shift.

“I know you’re home!” Eddie yells as he continues to pound on his door.

Buck is standing frozen in the middle of his loft, not having expected a confrontation. But then again, he should’ve, because he knows Eddie and Eddie was always going to call him out on his bullshit.

He goes and answers the door, “Hey-“

Eddie does not give him the courtesy of a greeting, instead shoving past him to stand in the middle of the room.

Eddie spins around to face him, “What is your problem?” He demands, throwing his hands up in frustration.

Buck sighs, shutting the door behind him, as he attempts to think of a good excuse.

“I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress-“

“Really? Stress? Stress that makes you leave rooms when I enter them?” Eddie interrupts, sounding extremely unimpressed.

Buck sighs, knowing he needs to be honest, “I know I’ve been avoiding you, and I’m sorry about that. I just have been dealing with some… things, and I needed to get my head right.”

Eddie steps closer to him, placing his hands over his shoulders, and giving him a light squeeze. “Hey,” He starts softly meeting Buck’s eyes, “you can tell me anything you know that right?”

Buck clenches his eyes shut, attempting to keep his emotions at bay as he considers what he can say that won’t ruin everything they’ve built.

A childish part of him wants to scream out, tell Eddie to leave it alone, because he knows the older man won’t want to hear this. But the rational part of him knows Eddie deserves better (better than him).

His body grows tense under Eddie’s hands, as he heaves out a sigh, “…I can’t stand Marisol. Which makes me feel terrible because she’s nice and beautiful and just overall perfect-“

Eddie cuts him off, his eyebrows furrowing in complete confusion, “What does Marisol have to do with this?” He asks, his grip still secure on Buck’s shoulders, no matter how hard the blonde tries to shake him.

“God- She’s- I can’t- Ugh!” Buck exclaims, unable to articulate properly due to the emotions racing through him.

“Buck,” Eddie begins placatingly, “what’s been going on with you? You’ve been distant, and now you’re angry with me and… Marisol?” He says the last part as a question which makes Buck huff bitterly.

“I’m not ‘angry’ with you or her- I’m fucking in love with you!” Buck takes a step back, Eddie’s arms finally dropping, but he isn’t done, “I’ve been in love with you for years. No matter what I did it kept growing, but of course it did because you’re the greatest man I’ve ever met. I don’t know how someone couldn’t fall in love with you.” Buck stubbornly ignores the way his eyes burn with tears, “It was killing me to see her with you, to know you were happy with someone else. And it’s selfish that I’m even telling you this right now because I know you don’t feel the same-“

For the third time in one conversation, Eddie cuts him off.

Lips crashing into his’ stops him from saying another word. The kiss is awkward at first, more of a mashing of mouths than anything else, but then Buck gets with the program tilting his head to give Eddie better access.

A hand comes up to cup his jaw as Eddie presses in closer, the kiss slow, yet no less intense as they move as one.

Buck feels a rush of want go through him as he tries to press even closer to Eddie when he suddenly has a startling thought.

He pushes away, taking a full step back which in turn causes Eddie to sway forward, caught off guard. The older man’s eyebrows scrunch up.

“Eddie, we can’t… What about Marisol?” For a moment a look of bafflement crosses Eddie’s face as though he’s never heard her name before, but then he smiles, stepping forward once more into Buck’s space.

“Buck, I broke up with her a while ago.��� The brunette tells him cupping Buck’s face, his thumbs rub soothing circles into his cheeks.

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie gives him his patented ‘don’t be stupid Buck’ look, “Oh right because I was avoiding you. But still, why?”

The older man shakes his head as if collecting his thoughts, “Because she wasn’t you. I tried, I really did, but it didn’t matter because the only person I want is you. The only person I… love is you.”

Buck has never felt so happy and so incredibly stupid at once (possibly a lie with his track record). Happy because Eddie loves him, and stupid for avoiding him all this time. Stupid for putting them both through this when there was never a need to.

“I’m so sorry Eds, I got so wrapped up in my head. Like I always do.” He ends with a little self-deprecating jab. Eddie continues to stroke his face, his eyes softer than he’s ever seen.

“I know, and I’ll be right here to knock some sense into you because I love you. You just need to promise me you’ll tell me if something’s wrong, or you’re stuck in your head again, okay?”

Buck nods, he would promise Eddie anything, everything, “Yeah, of course, I promise.”

They come even closer, bodies pressed together, noses touching, “Good.” Eddie tells him, hot air fanning Buck's face.

“Good.” Buck repeats back to him before slotting their mouths together once more. A perfect fit.

(i hope you enjoyed! this is me dipping my toes back into writing so sorry that I’m very rusty. thank you for reading. also posted on my ao3)

[spicyclover]

She’s everything. He’s just Ken

Summary: You eat cereal when he announces he wants to break up.

Request

Hope you’ll enjoy this part. Let me know in the comments section! And to support me by tipping me!

I'm open to requests.

Little information, I will, for now, only post on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Thank you, and Enjoy! :)

Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover

Inspire by Dakota Johnson and Armie Hammer. (I don’t remember the name of the series/film where this scene is from. So if you know, comment in the section below. Thank you!)

I wrote another story for this request because the first one was too sad. 

There has been a lot of up and down in your relationship with George. You can’t remember the last time you had a meal together without being mad at each other and having make-up sex afterward. 

You’re not unhappy with him. Actually, you love him dearly. But he’s always been complicated and unsure of everything. One day he would be the perfect gentleman, giving you flowers, kissing you every time he can, saying to you how much he loves you. But some days, it’s like he doesn’t know. 

His mother always refers to you as Barbie, not in the wrong way, like superficial or anything. Just because everywhere you go, you grab attention. Everyone turns at you. Giving you free stuff. Telling you how beautiful you are. She never quite understands why your choice has been on George. To be honest, you can’t explain it either. So eventually, everyone started to joke around, saying that George is just Ken and you’re everything. He hates it, and something that is what the fight is all about.

Last night was a lousy fight for both of you. Yelling at each other all night and him deciding to sleep on the couch. You didn’t sleep. You lay in your bed, waiting for the hours to pass, listening to his sights behind the door. You made a list in your head of everything that happened, all bad and good. 

You finally roll out of bed when your alarm goes off. You rub your tired eyes, and you drag yourself to the kitchen to have your breakfast. Pouring cereal into a bowl, you look over at him. He’s gazing at you to make so much noise, but you don’t care.

“I think we should break up. I don’t believe this is working.” He says, sitting in front of you. 

“Okay.” You say, unbothered. 

“That’s all you got? Okay?” He repeats. 

“What would you expect that we cuddle?”

“Fuck you!” 

You smirk, looking up and down at him. He takes his stuff and slams the door. You expected him to come back, but he didn’t. This surprises you initially, but you no longer have time for him. 

A few weeks passed, and you kept working at the organization for the Grand Prix in Silverstone. Freshly single, you met a guy a few times, but nothing serious. I mean, that’s what you thought. Only after a few weeks he finally kissed you.

You didn’t expect this action so soon but didn’t back down. Yet, the following day, you made it clear to him that it was only one evening. You left, leaving him stunned.

You smirk and get back to your hotel room. You get to the track for the race a few hours later, and you don’t tell George you will be there. So you walk in like you own the place and go straight into his garage. The few team members you pass on your way politely greet you, unaware of your breakup.

You see him talking to his engineers. You smile politely at the person who recognizes you and leaves the Mercedes garage to go to the Red Bull garage. You can feel George’s eyes on you when he sees you kissing his worst enemy on the track.

His hands rest on your hips, visibly surprised by this situation change. After all, a few hours ago, you made him understand that you wanted nothing more, and now you’re kissing him in front of everyone.

“I didn’t change my mind.” You say, getting away. “I’m just playing a long game.” You smirk and get out of the way. 

Leaving the garage to find your place at the paddock club. 

Let's just say this race has been brutal. 

George wins, and your lover DNF.

The first thing George did? 

Grabbing your face to kiss you, unable to let you go. 

“You’re right. I’m just Ken.”

[justagalwhowrites]

Hey babes!!! I’ve been on vacay so im trying to get caught up on your post 😂 but i saw your prompt lists and i think 3 5 18 or 19 with LOTS of angst and a happy ending would be AMAZINGGGGG🫠🤍

OMG Hi Bestie!

Remember when I put this prompt list out there? I barely do! It was like 6 weeks ago, that's why! I've been AWFUL and finishing the 500 follower celebration. I got so hung up on finishing Lavender and Beskar Doll and starting Yearling and going on vacation that I still have requests from this sitting in my inbox... and I'm now at 946 followers 🫠🫠🫠

BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS REQUEST! @encephalitiskat also requested prompt number 3 and I came up with this little non-canon angsty trip outside the QZ for Doc and Joel. I hope you like it!

Lost and Found

You and Joel run into trouble on a run outside the QZ. Based on prompt 3: “I almost lost you.”

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader (Lavender pairing)

CW: Canon-typical violence. Threat of SA. Minors DNI, 18+ Only.

Length: 2.4k

You tried to avoid winter runs as much as you could. For starters, it was cold. Even after years in Boston, part of you still longed for the warm weather of your college years in Texas. At least your apartment had heat, you could curl up under your quilt with a cup of tea. Sometimes, Tommy would come over and you’d keep each other warm and the cold was suddenly inviting. 

But you weren’t at home. No, you were on a run, one that Tess and Tommy had both stayed back from. Tommy had some Firefly thing to take care of, Tess had broken her arm on the last job. That left you and Joel. 

Out in the cold. 

Outside Boston. 

And you were miserable. 

“Keep up,” Joel looked over his shoulder at you, scowling, as usual. He was always fucking scowling. 

“You have longer legs than me,” you were panting for breath, hot below your heavy coat in spite of the frigid air. “I don’t like being stuck out here with you any more than you like being stuck out here with me but I’d rather not get so exhausted racing through snow that we don’t make it back to Boston.” 

“If we’re makin’ it back to fuckin’ Boston alive we need to move faster than you’re movin’ so keep. Up.” 

You ground your teeth but tried to listen. Even though you knew you’d get your way before too long. It was going to be dark soon, the sun already low in the sky, and you were at least four hours from the QZ. 

Even though that was going to mean another night on the road with Joel. 

Joel, who hated you. Fucking hated you. Hated you so much that the last two nights you’d been outside the QZ he glared at you or ignored you entirely. You could feel it pouring off him, the loathing. 

You’d thought you’d have gotten used to it by now. But it hurt. It hurt every single time. You’d loved him what felt like your whole life, with your whole being. Even after you found out about what he’d done before he’d come to the QZ, you loved him so damn much that you’d set it aside within yourself. It didn’t matter, none of it mattered, all that mattered was that he had made it this far alive and you could forgive almost anything if it led to that. 

The hate you could take. Most of the time, anyway. The indifference, though. The total lack of anything in his eyes and on his face, like he was looking right through you, like you didn’t exist. That was worse. That alone, you thought, could kill you. 

You tried not to think about it, not to linger on it. It turned your stomach to knots and sent your mind down paths you knew you should avoid, especially when you were outside the QZ and facing the threat of infected and raiders. 

It made your guard low. Even when you knew you should pay close attention to Joel’s deaf side - the ear you couldn’t whisper in during the year he could tolerate your presence in the QZ - you didn’t. 

Not until it was too late. 

You sensed the raider a split second before you felt him, heard him, smelled him. His hand closed around your wrist and pulled you sharply to the ground, his body all but materializing out of the trees beside you, their shadows so long and dark you hadn’t seen him. You hadn’t been paying attention. 

“Joel!” You shrieked as you fell. “Run!” 

You had a moment where you relieved about his indifference. He’d leave you there if he didn’t care, he’d get out if he didn’t care. You weren’t stupid, you knew you were a vulnerability in situations like this. It’s why he didn’t want to take you to begin with. You dragged him, Tess and Tommy down. Tommy was stupid enough to put himself on the line to keep you safe but Joel, you were certain, would get the fuck out before he was overrun or hurt. 

You were wrong. 

He spun toward you, his gun raised as three other men came out from the trees. One went right for Joel from the side - when he was too busy focusing on you - and slammed into him, sending him to the ground. 

The man who had you pawed at you, pulling at your pack and fumbling for your weapon in your waistband before you had a chance to go for it. He yanked your pack off and you tried to crawl away but he grabbed your ankle and yanked you back, making you shriek again. 

“Such a pretty thing,” the man all but fell on top of you, knocking the air out of you. He grabbed your braid and pulled your head back, his teeth against the soft skin of your cheek. “Can think of all kinds of uses for you…” 

You slammed your elbow back into him as best you could and he grunted in what sounded like a combination of shock and pain. You were able to shove him off of you and clamber to your feet to see the other three men trying to contain Joel. 

You didn’t even think about it, didn’t think about the fact that it was stupid as hell, that you didn’t know how to fight worth a damn, that you’d never killed anything but infected. You just saw Joel, on the ground, overwhelmed, being hit again and again and you acted in the only way you could think to act. You launched yourself at the nearest man, your arms going around his neck until you heard him cough and gag, digging his fingers into your forearms as you clung to him for dear life. You sank your teeth into his neck and he let out a strangled yelp as he tried to dislodge you. 

He stumbled back from Joel, you still wrapped around his back, when he gave up on pulling your arms free from his neck. Instead, he reached back and grabbed your shirt at the nape of your neck by the fistful with one hand, your braid with the other, ripping you up and over his shoulder and throwing you like a rag doll into a tree. 

“Fucking bitch!” He was panting and you couldn’t seem to get your body to cooperate quite yet. Your head was spinning and you were trying to sit up but everything hurt, everything. You were seeing double and both versions of the man were stalking toward you, freeing the knife at his belt. “Not even worth fuckin’ but I bet your man would hate to hear you scream…” 

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Joel shrieked, something unhinged in his voice. You couldn’t get your eyes to focus, everything beyond the man prowling for you jagged and unclear. “I’ll fuckin’ kill you, touch her and I’ll fuckin’ kill you!” 

The man ignored him, going down on one knee next to your place on the ground like some kind of perverse proposal. He smiled and you could see the rot on his teeth. 

“Maybe you are worth fuckin’,” he held the knife up. “Just to piss off your boyfriend…” 

“He won’t care,” you shook your head, doing your best to scramble back from him, your body still not ready to listen after being thrown and hitting your head. “He’s not my… he won’t care, I’m not worth it, remember?” 

He grabbed your hair fiercely, forcing a small yelp from you as he yanked your head back. There was blood on the snow, you realized. Your blood, from where you’d hit your head. 

“Startin’ to think you are worth it,” he slid the knife over your coat, cutting it open at the zipper. “Might just need to keep you…” 

You kicked and caught him on the side, making him groan and you rushed to pull yourself away as he grabbed your ankle. You could hear the struggle of Joel with the other men and your heart was pounding, the terror thrumming through you. 

This was it. You’d been so busy longing for Joel you’d gotten him killed. He was going to die and you were going to end up enslaved by raiders, the exact thing he’d said would happen if you left the QZ. Joel was going to die and it was your fault. 

He pulled you back toward him and he forced you onto your back before straddling your hips, his heavy weight pressing you down into the earth and you wanted it to swallow you, wanted to do anything that would make this ending different. 

You barely noticed that the struggle with Joel and the other men had gone quiet when the man on you was ripped away from you. He cried out, shocked, and Joel threw him on the ground. 

“Told you I’d fuckin’ kill you,” Joel panted, blood dripping from his mouth. He shot the man before he had a chance to respond. 

He put the gun in his waistband before he went for you, eyes running up and down your body again and again in the seconds it took to reach you. 

You were desperately trying not to panic, trying to not devolve into something that couldn’t handle itself and would just get left in the woods outside the city. You wouldn’t make it back on your own, you didn’t have the skills and you weren’t sure how badly you were hurt. 

He dropped to his knees beside you, one hand going to your ribs, the other going to your face, his gloved thumb brushing your bleeding temple. 

“Joel,” you couldn’t seem to keep your voice steady. You closed your eyes and forced yourself to swallow. “Joel, if you’re leaving me out here, please give me a gun at least I can’t…” 

“Not leavin’ you,” he said. “Need you to tell me how to check for a concussion.” 

You opened your eyes again at that, brows knitting together as you looked at him. 

“What…” 

“Concussion,” he repeated. “C’mon, Baby, walk me through how to check for one…”

“Um,” you had to close your eyes to focus. He was so close, he looked so afraid. “Blurred or double vision, eye strain, light sensitivity, pupils that aren’t dilating properly, eye movement, confusion and inability to focus, loss of consciousness.” 

“Right, OK,” he said. He sounded afraid, too, why was he so afraid? It was Joel, it didn’t make sense for him to be this afraid. “Gotta open your eyes for me, Baby, alright? Tell me how many fingers you see, OK?” 

You opened your eyes and he was holding up three fingers. You answered and he nodded, looking relieved. He used his flashlight as dusk started to fade to check your pupils. He seemed satisfied with those, too. 

“Know who you are?” He asked. “Where you are? Who you’re with?” You nodded. He looked insistent. You sighed and said your name before going down the rest of the list in order.  

“I’m outside the Boston QZ,” you said. “With Joel Miller… please don’t just leave me out here, Joel, I know you hate me but…” 

“Don’t hate you,” he cut you off. You frowned. He ignored it. “Think you can walk? Not far from a suburb, we can find a place for the night there…” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Yeah, I can walk.” 

He pulled you to your feet and you had to lean on him for a moment to catch your balance. But when you tried to pull away, his grip on you remained. He held onto you with one hand, his gun clutched in the other, waiting for someone else to come out of the woods. 

“Are you OK?” You asked, looking up at him. “There were so many of them on you and…”

“M’Fine.” 

He was still holding onto you. 

The suburbs Joel mentioned were close and it didn’t take long to find a house that met whatever standard Joel was looking for. You weren’t arguing. Your head was starting to swim and you were pretty sure it was because you were losing blood. 

“On the counter,” Joel ordered once you were both safely inside and he’d locked everything down and closed all the curtains. He put his hands on your waist and helped you up before stepping between your legs to look at your injured head. You tried not to think about it. 

“You’re gonna be OK Baby,” he said. He still sounded so worried. You frowned. Why? “Gonna get you cleaned up, patch this up…” 

“Joel,” you began, but he cut you off. 

“I almost lost you,” he took your head in his hand, his fingers curling around the base of your skull and around your neck as he brought his forehead to your own. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Can’t lose you, Baby, I can’t. You gotta stay with me, OK? Please, I’ll beg if I have to but you can’t leave me, not like this, OK? Don’t make me lose you, please. Can’t lose you…” 

“Not going anywhere,” you said gently, chest tight. “I promise.” 

He pulled back from you with a nod and went about the business of patching you up to get the bleeding at your head under control. 

“Joel,” you said as he finished and he dropped his forehead to your own again, his body so close to your own. “I don’t understand…” 

“I’ve been a fuckin’ idiot,” he said softly. “I’ve been so goddamn stupid. But I’m so scared, I’m so scared all the fucking time with you. Thought if I pushed you away hard enough and far enough that I could live with it but I can’t… I can’t lose you and I almost lost you and I’m done being a fuckin’ idiot with you. I know I don’t deserve it, I know you’ve got no reason to trust me at all, but… if you can find a way to let me back into your life. I don’t care how, I’ll be whatever you want me to be to you but please, don’t let me lose you. Please, Baby.” 

You reached up, running your fingers through his curls, and gently pulled his lips to yours. He kissed you soft and slow and gentle and he still felt like home against your body. 

“Can’t lose me, Joel,” you whispered. He nodded against you before kissing you again for a moment before you could continue. “I’m yours. Always have been, always will be.”  

[simpxxstan]

Ramyeon Meokgo Gallae? (ksj one-shot)

pairing: ceo!jin x ceo!reader

genre: slice of life, angst, smut, exes to lovers, arranged marriage au

summary: when you fall into a trap that can ruin your life and the empire that you’ve built over so many years, your best way out is to marry the person your parents want you to marry. except that your parents want you to marry jin. who you have history with. who you’ve never quite gotten over. and who has led you to become the heartless woman you are today. 

word count: 11.5k

rating: 18+ 

warning: explicit sexual content, foul language, slow burn, a lot of angst and heartbreak, slight side sope *heart eyes*, namjoon can drive in this au!!

a/n: i’m sorry if there are tense and verb errors! i didn’t write the whole thing in one flow, and editing it all again at the end gets really confusing and cumbersome. i’ve tried to edit and rectify as much as possible, but please bear with me if there are grammatical errors! do let me know your feedback! it took me about a month to write this, and i haven't written something in so so long, i feel rusty. thank you for reading!

___

You pace in your room, your heels clicking on the tiled floor. Your mind is racing at a million miles an hour, but you can’t see any solution. Not a single fucking one. You feel like ripping apart everything, but that won’t solve the problem. You’ve given so much to build your world, your empire. You won’t let it come down so easily. 

“You have-”

“No options left. I know, Yoongi, stop trying to remind me every minute!” Your voice becomes shriller with each word, but you know that your lawyer, your best friend and closest ally, is right, and that irks you the most. The television screen in front of you is still blaring out the news that threatens to bring down everything you’ve built with your blood, sweat and tears, and you feel like a helpless maniac. 

“Why can’t you marry him?”

You stop in your tracks, turning to look deadpan at the man sitting on the couch in a dark blue suit, his white hair parted and neat, making him look fairer than he is. “You know why.”

“Yes, but it was so many years ago. Y/N you’ve matured enough to move on.”

“STOP trying to counsel my feelings. I know I should move on. I know I need to. But, I can’t…” you falter, and Yoongi steps up, holding your arm and steadying you. He looks straight into your eyes and forces you to look back at him by putting a finger under your chin. “I’m not counselling your feelings. I know you hate him. And I know everything else too. I’ve heard enough of your drunken rants. And, I think, hell, I think it’s fair that you feel that way. But, now you have no other options left. And you can’t let everything go because of that one person, who broke your heart so many years ago. Be the stronger person, and use this opportunity to protect yourself, Y/N.”

You look at him, and breathe in. Deep breaths Y/N, use the one trick you’ve used to calm down your temper. “Okay.” You whisper quietly. He looks at you, eyebrows raised, clearly asking you to repeat. “Okay. I’m ready.” You nod, as he begins to nod. “That’s my girl.” He pats your hair once, and you know that his affection display metre has already broken and he’s going to go underground for the rest of the month. 

___

“Hmm.” you speak into your phone when you’re awakened by your sister’s call at 7 am, which was definitely early morning to you on a sunday. Considering that you had just gotten to sleep three hours ago. “Have you seen the news?”

“Nope.” You sit up in your bed. That was a bad starter. “Why?” you ask her. “Go switch on your telly. Don’t cut the call.”

You grunt and swing out of bed. You were already annoyed- your sister was unpredictable, you expected this call to be anything from a prank call to the announcement of the marriage of her favourite movie star. 

What you did not expect on the television, was a leaked video of a man speaking loudly to someone sitting next to him, “Such a slut- sucked my dick and begged for the money.” Everyone in the room erupts into laughter. The video gets changed to a reporter’s video who is supposedly making comments on the truth of this video. 

And, suddenly you can’t breathe. 

Somewhere, your sister speaks. Your phone buzzes with her voice. “Did you watch it?” You can’t even pick up the call. You whisper to yourself, “What do I do?” And you keep repeating it, like a mantra. Your sister keeps calling out your name, but you don’t care about her. All you want to do is to sink back into the same hole you crawled into twelve years ago. You can’t see the light that you grasped for yourself when you finally overcame it all. You can only see darkness. Pitch black. 

___

“I didn’t sleep with him before the deal. I swear I didn’t.” You explain for the third time to your father. You’re sitting in your office, and you can hear the people from the press right under your window. You may be on the tenth floor, but you can still hear the ruckus in the streets. It’s almost funny. This is not a rare sight to you, you’ve faced flak from the public and the media before, but this one is different. You couldn’t be brought to give a fuck for the past times, but this, it threatened to bring you down. Everything you had built would be ruined. And you couldn’t imagine living without the work you were so proud of. 

“Okay, then do you have any kind of proof that any intimate relations between you two began after the loan was sanctioned?” Your lawyer, Yoongi, asks you. He’s sitting right next to you, and out of the four people in the room, he has the least tense expression. The slight furrowing of eyebrows seems like he’s just annoyed to be woken up so early, but you know he’s concerned from deep within. He’s your best friend. 

That’s why he can read your eyes when you don’t respond to him. “Y/N, I need you to be honest.”

“We… had some conversations while the loan was still being sanctioned. It was a couple of days after we met for the first time, and we’d gone out for a drink-” you see everyone’s eyebrows raise, “but I promise, it was innocent! We didn’t have any physical interaction. Honestly, no touches. Just business.” 

“Then?” Your sister asks you, steely. 

“Umm, you know…”

“Sexting?”

“Let’s just say it could put me in a bad position.” You look at your fingers in your lap. 

“This is bad.” She sighs. 

“What do we do now?” Your father asks Yoongi.

“Nothing. We publicly deny it. We don’t show the chats unless he brings it up. He won’t bring it up, because he knows it’s gonna expose that he was equally interested in getting his dick sucked by you, irrespective of the loan.” 

Everyone looks at Yoongi, who’s calmly explaining everything while typing something on his laptop. “And then, you return the loan. With interest. Immediately.” 

Your protest, instantly, “I can’t, Yoongi, you know! Even our stocks have fallen in value since today morning, and I don’t have that kind of money. I can’t even take another loan from anyone. Not that anyone would be willing to give me any loan now.” 

“I’ll arrange-” Your father starts. You flinch, “No, papa. I’m not going to make another mistake by taking your filthy money.” He smiles, without any mirth. “You think I’m going to give you my money? Huh, no you fool. I wouldn’t associate myself with this scandal. You separated yourself from me ten years ago, I see the advantages of it today.” You stare at him. He has no idea how much his words sting you, how cruelly tears threaten to pass the threshold of your eyes, how nauseous you feel. 

“You’ll marry and get the money.”

At this even your sister’s jaw drops. “Papa-”

You laugh. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s the only way for you to get the money quickly, you silly girl. And I have the perfect candidate in mind.”

Yoongi asks, seriously. “And who is it?”

“Kim Seokjin.”

___

Madness. Sheer madness. You must be going crazy. Congratulations, Y/N. After years of people predicting it, it must have truly happened to you. Because there is no fucking way on earth you’re hearing Yoongi say to you, “I think he’s right.” 

You throw another book at him. 

“Violence isn’t the solution, Y/N.” “Oh yes, you motherfucker. It is the only solution.” You seethe in anger, ready to punch him again. Thank God that your cabin has blinds drawn. 

“I think your father is right.” Thankfully your father isn’t in the room, because if he heard the curses you emit at his mention, he’d straight up disown you. And while you’d love that at any other time, this is not the time for that. 

“You need to marry someone to get the money. Marry rich. Instant money. Boom, return loan. Divorce him after a couple of months, huh? Not so bad.”

Yoongi has the audacity to smirk, for which he is rewarded with another book. 

“Y/N, please talk to me. Normally.”

You take a deep breath. 

“What are my other options?”

“None.”

“What?” You spit. 

“You can’t get a loan. You don’t have that much money. Your company is going to come down in two days when the stakeholders back off. You’re probably never going to be trusted by anyone ever again because now everyone sees you as a slut.” You know that well, the television screams at you- “Y/N selling herself for her company?” Ridiculous. Far-fetched. Ugly. You had always been the business world’s most hated bitch for being a woman who had alone made it this far, without any help from her father, without any support from a man, in a world of suited men with egos the size of Antarctica. And now everything you had proved wrong in this world was coming crashing down on you.

“Furthermore, I think that by marrying him and falsifying a story of how you had known each other since childhood, which is not fully false though, we can create an angle showing you as pure. You never wanted to sleep with him, because you were devoted to your childhood love.” You stare at Yoongi, who was staring back at you with his cat eyes. It sounded perfect. And you had full faith in Yoongi. He’d handled your PR forever, from making you class president at school to now in your company, and you trusted him to execute this perfectly. 

There was just one problem. 

“Yoongi… I can’t marry him. I can’t marry… Seokjin.” The word feels oddly natural although foreign to your tongue, like the taste of blood. Your breath was cold, your body shivering.

“Y/N. I can’t pressurise you about this. But you know you have no options left. And Seokjin… may have changed. You definitely have changed. You won’t fall for his games again.” 

He looks at you earnestly, but you can’t see the hope he wants you to see. All you see is the end of the tunnel. The end of your glorious life of thirty years. You begin pacing in the room, a clear indication to Yoongi to shut up now. 

___

When you’re ready, Yoongi brings you out of your cabin, which was becoming stuffy. Your secretary is waiting for you. She looks at you with wide eyes. You laugh internally. She had always thought of you as her role model, and you knew well how it hurt to see the image of someone you saw as perfect to break. As Yoongi briefed her about your new schedule, you walked around in your office, full of people, who were usually dedicated to their work, but today everyone seemed more interested in gossip. Which immediately shut up as soon as you came into the vicinity.

“Ahem.” You cough slightly, getting everyone’s attention. 

“I have a few things to say. I believe you should know the truth first. Before the rest of the world does.” You breathe in deeply. You had no idea how to do this, it wasn’t even on Yoongi’s plan. But you ran on instinct. 

“What the video says, is a lie. I guess you expected me to say this, but it really is. I don’t know how to prove it to the world, nor can I prove it to you. But I did not sleep with that man, and I have never wished to do it either. What you did not expect is the incoming storm that our company will face. I’m well aware that we will go through pressure now. From all ends. I’d like to reassure my employees that no one is going to get fired. No layoffs at my place, please. I’ve seen the damage those can create.” Everyone murmurs, smiling softly.

“I just ask that you stay with me in this storm. We will brave through it together, and get out on the other side… with a big bang.” Everyone cheers, someone says “Fighting!” 

And you smile for the first time in the day, a smile of true joy. 

At least not everything was lost. 

___

When the press conference ends, Yoongi drops you home. “Rest well. You have a busy day tomorrow.”

But rest eludes you, as does peace of mind and any kind of serenity. You have one black hole of fear growing in the pits of your stomach, roaring to you one name. “Kim Seokjin”. As you finish bottle after bottle of soju, and drink yourself to sleep, you dream of him. It’s been four years since the last dream. They’ve always been bad dreams. Dreams that left you perspiring and breathless. Dreams that were reminiscent of reality, and memories you couldn't erase. You’re sure that tonight will be the same type. Nonetheless, tonight, when you dream of him, you smile in your sleep. 

He smelled of roses. Strong but enticing, just like himself. All evening he had done nothing but steal glances at you, and you’ve openly stared at him. The soju had opened up your inner desires too much, and you can’t stop staring at your two-month long crush. A solid year after you had joined college, you had seen him for the first time. He had been dribbling the basketball, while talking to his friends. And you had fallen in love. He was the first crush of your life, and you had no idea how to proceed. Except that you had put all hope on fate, which had brought you to this party with him. Not with him, obviously, but this party which included him too. 

And now he was looking at you. Everyone else was drinking, laughing, tipsily gossiping, even making out. But Kim Seokjin only had eyes for you. His ears were red, perhaps from the soju.Your entire body was red, because of his attention. You knew it probably meant nothing, but it didn’t stop your body from going on fire. You’d never felt anything like this before. Nineteen year old you didn’t know what desire was until you had met Seokjin. 

And now the basketball player, with the broadest shoulders in the team, was standing in the doorway, laughing at some joke cracked by his friends, none of whom you cared about. You were ready to leave, having had your fun for the night. You had met this very nice girl, and chatted with her. She seemed just as crazy as you were, and you had exchanged numbers. Once she bid you goodnight and left, you were ready to disappear too, for it was getting late. 

But then he called you from behind, his deep voice echoing in the cool night air that surrounded you two. Suddenly, it was just the two of you, and your skin burnt with his gaze. “Y/N?”

“Hmm?” You turned around, pretending to be nonchalant, but failing at it. 

“Ramyeon meokgo gallae?”

You had stared at him for a good thirty seconds, before fully comprehending his words. He had continued to stare back at you, refusing to blink. 

Finally you answered, “Sure.” You tried to hide your smile, but he quickly took your hand and led you to his car, whispering something about not standing in the cold for too long. 

He made sure you wouldn’t feel cold all night. That night when he took all of your firsts. Your protected life had been broken into by this wonderful man who made you feel like you were in heaven, and you had no complaints. He took it slow, staring at you in between sloppily kissing your cunt, letting you scratch his back when he thrust into you, biting gentle marks onto your neck. When he whispered praises to you of how good you’d been to him, and how thankful he was that he was your first, you had been giddy with pleasure erupting all over your body. 

You prayed, before going to sleep in his arms, that you could spend your life with him like this. 

The next morning, he was gone. But he had left a note for you. “Dear Y/N, I made ramyeon. Please eat it before leaving for college! I’ll see you at seven tonight?” You had smiled at the thought of tonight, smiled when you saw his marks all over your body, smiled when you ate the ramen. Later he would tell you, between kisses that made you forget your name, that he had to leave in the morning for a run in the field. He had to keep fit, else the coach would kick him out of the team, and the two of you would giggle. He would laugh with you to sleep, telling you joke after joke of what happened that day. It made your heart warm, when you heard him laugh with you, when you heard him call you baby with genuine affection, when he cooked meals for you before leaving every morning. 

Oh, what a fool you were.

And you were a fool again, waiting for him for the past half an hour, in a fancy restaurant. You half expected him to not turn up, without any reason, and your other half expected him to send someone on his behalf to eat with you. Both things you’d experienced before. 

You hadn’t seen him in years, except in your dreams, and occasionally in the news. He had founded a startup after college, which had soon become a reputed, well-established big business, and he was often on television. 

That’s why, when you saw a man with the broadest pair of shoulders you had ever seen, the plumpest and pinkest lips, and a broad expanse of forehead exposed by his gelled up hair, walking towards you, you didn’t know it was him. It was only when he pulled up the chair in front of you, that he said with a smirk. 

“Funny how whenever we meet you’re staring at me.” 

Instantly, everything clicks. His swagger, his ruthless smirk, his dark burning eyes, his glowing confidence. You knew it all too well. 

“You haven’t changed at all.”

“And you, baby.”

You flinch. He takes the hint, but he doesn’t drop the pet name. He simply smirks and calls for the waiter. Again, no explanation as to why he was late. No apologies. No excuses. 

“Please get us your finest wine. And two plates of fillet mignon.”

You’re still dazed by how he’s sitting right in front of you, and you’re not combusting into flames, nor launching yourself on him to punch the hell out of him. Funny how things change with time. 

“I heard you’re in a mess.”

“Everyone has heard that .”

“Why does your father need me then?”

You’re surprised. “Wait, you don’t know?”

“And how do you expect me to know?”

“I thought you’d know. Or you know, something of the sort. I don’t know why else my father would suggest you as the perfect man for me to marry right now.” You scoff, as he instantly retorts, “Perhaps he’s fallen for my handsome face too.”

“Spare me that nonsense, please.”

“Oh, baby girl’s all grown up.”

“I’m not going to be your little doll forever, manipulating me and feeding me lies.”

His smirk disappears.

“I never lied to you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N-”

“Hiding truths also count as lies, you brat.”

“That was necessary for me to survive.”

“You’re lying to me again. Huh! Even now you can’t speak the truth.”

You stop talking when the waiter brings the food and wine. When he is finally gone, you look up at Seokjin, and you see something new in his eyes. Hurt? Regret? Sadness? You don’t know. And you couldn’t care less.

"You've got it all wrong Y/N," he whispers to you before sipping his wine. 

___

You don’t know when you got out of that restaurant, and ended up at a bar. The two of you had eaten your dinner in silence. For you, it was too difficult to talk to him, even look at him for too long, without tears hurting your eyes. You don’t know about why he didn’t talk though. 

But when you get to the bar, and gulp down your first glasses of martini, he starts talking. 

“Why does your dad want me to marry you?”

You’re sitting on stools next to each other, some would probably mistake you for colleagues. Your knees could’ve touched, your eyes could’ve met his. But you stared at your empty glass. “I don’t know. How does he even know you?”

“I’ve done business with him. Many times.” “Aah…” You grow silent, and he speaks, “Isn’t thinking of marriage too far-fetched? Especially since it’s just a professional relationship.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Huh?”

“Did you ever mention… that we… knew each other in college?”

Seokjin’s eyes never leave you. “He asked if I knew you, since we’re both from the same college. I had to say yes.”

You smirk. “Then he must’ve done some digging and found out that we…” you don’t know how to finish the sentence. Dated? Went out? Fucked? 

“But we covered everything up well?” Seokjin is puzzled, as he motions the bartender for another round of martinis. “Papa … has his ways and means.” You want to laugh at the universe. This was all your father’s plan to spite you. Force you to marry someone who he knew you had a bad history with. He must’ve found out somehow that your… relationship hadn’t ended… well. It was quite a ruckus in college when everyone had found out that The Seokjin was sleeping with Y/N, who was the daughter of the owner of all the top hotels in Seoul, Mr. L/N. And an even greater chaos when you two stopped seeing each other. 

Someone must’ve spilled. 

This time, you really do laugh out hysterically. 

“Everyone hates me.” 

“Stop being paranoid, Y/N.”

“I’m not!” You laugh again, “You hate me. My father hates me. He knows that you hate me. He knows that if he can force me to marry someone who hates me, he will have taken his revenge for the huge mistake I’ve made of outshining him in the corporate world.” 

You look at the man next to you. The first two buttons of his black dress shirt are open, revealing beautiful collar bones. He had always been gifted with the best body structure you had ever seen. “Let’s not get married. Please. I can’t marry… you.” You can’t stop the tears this time. “I’m not ready to go through this again. I’ll only end up with more scars. And I really don’t… wanna….” And you hide your face on the counter, putting your hands around your face. 

Seokjin is silent. He’s never seen you so bitter. He can’t help but think of what you’ve gone through these past years. What he’s put you through. And even if you don’t know it, he wants to take this opportunity to make it right. 

“You’re tipsy. Go home. Let’s meet tomorrow and finalise the contract.” You sit up at his strong, steely voice commanding you. “Contract?” “Yes, the contract of our marriage.”

He stands up, pays the bill with his black card, and takes your hand, pulling you away from the bar counter. When he drives you home, you fall asleep in his car, inhaling that scent of roses you had fallen in love with. Moments before you do, you ask him, as he puts on your seatbelt. “Just give me the money, why do you need to marry me?” You don’t hear him whisper back, “Because I’ve always wanted to marry you.”

___

You’re thankful that Yoongi is sitting next to you. Doing all the talking for you. After last night, you can’t stop thinking about how this is the worst thing that could happen to you. All your enemies were ganging up against you. When you said this to Yoongi, along with how your ‘date’ with Seokjin had gone, he merely smiled at your crazed whispers, “I don’t think so, Y/N”. You had felt like screaming at him, but you were too sleepy. 

Seokjin is sitting on the other side of the table, with his lawyer. It seems like a divorce, but it’s funnily a marriage contract. 

Seokjin and you have decided on all the rules already. The marriage is going to be for precisely 26 months starting from the month of the contract. You would get married in two weeks, and you’re going to shift to Seokjin’s condo. You would argue that your house is definitely bigger, and better located than his, but Yoongi insisted. The contract involved going to parties, events, social occasions together. Celebrating anniversaries, initially bimonthly, then two public anniversaries. Private events too, dreamy pictures of an ideal couple in love. 

“How about a honeymoon?” Seokjin’s lawyer, Hoseok, asks casually. Your jaw drops, eyes widening. You’re looking at Yoongi, then at Seokjin, but no one’s batting a lash. 

“I’m okay with it.”

“I’m not!” You lash out at Seokjin, who’s stunned. You wish Yoongi would stop staying silent, but he’s too busy staring at the other lawyer’s fingers. “I can’t go on a vacation with you.” 

This time Yoongi speaks up. “Why not, Y/N?”

“Because I can’t stay in a freaking honeymoon hotel room with this man. Plus, going on a trip would mean doing things together-”

“Not necessarily.” Seokjin’s voice is steely. “We can stay in separate rooms, do different things. No one will notice, if we arrange it well.” You’re still in disbelief.

“He’s right. You’ll have to make this believable, Y/N, to completely disassociate yourself from the scandal.” 

His words hit hard, and you find your courage recoiling. 

Seokjin is staring intently at you, he can see the wheels turning in your head. “What’s the loan amount?”

“Sixteen billion won.” 

He nods his head. “It’ll be arranged to be given all at once. Y/N can repay me in instalments, does that work?” He slowly reaches his hand across the table to hover over your hand, and you flinch. “Yeah, it’ll work.”

“Great!” Hoseok flashes you all a smile, that’s quite starkly different from Yoongi’s calm and grim attitude. Your best friend does seem quite captivated by the smile. “We have a deal?” You nod, as Seokjin signs the papers, followed by you. When you shake hands and look into his eyes, you hope he can see the resentment in your eyes and expect no forgiveness. 

___

Your father doesn’t walk you down the aisle, on the day of your marriage. You walk down it yourself, in your elegant white dress that has roses embroidered in beautiful colours and patterns all over the bodice. You don’t wear a veil, your hair is let down, and you’re walking with a stone cold face. As you near the altar, you can see a man looking impeccable in a suit, looking at you with focus and intent. Seokjin looks as fine as ever, and you’re suddenly conscious but you don’t care less. This is not your wedding, it’s just an act. And you’ve always been able to act since you were a kid. First in school plays, then in real life, when you’ve had to hide your fury and tears and put on a smile for your Papa’s sake. He doesn’t even smile seeing you getting married, although your mother and sister are already tearing up. You see Seokjin’s parents sitting right next to them, beaming. You don’t understand why. 

Yoongi is your maid of honour. He’s wearing a baby blue suit, and looking dashing. Hoseok is Seokjin’s best man. He’s smiling brightly at everyone in the room, but he doesn’t know that Yoongi keeps looking at him. You smile at the sight, at least someone’s happy in this arrangement. 

When you stand in front of Seokjin, you feel his stare burning down into you. It wasn’t necessarily negative or angry, it was simply… curious. Hesitant. Shy, but eager. You hadn’t seen this side of him earlier. He looks perfect, his black hair pushed up to expose his forehead, strong shoulders the focus of his suit, and his posture straight. You look like a nervous wreck, barely holding up. 

You deserve better from fate. 

The priest begins to read the vows, looking at Seokjin, who’s looking at you. When he reaches the crucial part, the words roll off his tongue, smooth like butter, as if he’s practised: “I do.”

It’s not so smooth for you, even though you have practised. You stutter, stumble, and force yourself to smile. The nerves have never got you this bad. You don’t know why. Maybe it’s because you hate the man you’re marrying? Maybe it’s because you feel like you’re Alice falling down the rabbit hole? Maybe it’s because this feels too realistic? Because you’ve dreamt of this over and over again when Seokjin would whisper secret wishes of putting his babies into you when you were young, wild and carefree? 

Maybe because you’ve always wanted to marry him. No one but him. Even if you hate him. He’s the only man in this world who you’ve ever really cared about. The flings who came and went after that were nothing but sexual encounters you needed for your body. Your heart had never been aroused by anyone but… 

“Do you, L/N Y/N, take Kim Seokjin, as your lawfully wedded husband?”

You realise that the priest has been repeating this sentence. You’re brought back to reality, and you’re hesitant, until…

Seokjin winks at you. 

Fucking winks at you. 

Your mind cannot process it, and you blush out of instinct. 

“I do.”

The man standing in front of you smiles with his eyes first, then his lips part in a beautiful smile. 

“You may kiss the bride.” The priest addresses the groom, who bends down, hesitant, eyes full of questions. You blink once, indicating you’re ready. He smells like roses, when his rosy lips press a kiss to yours. His hands grip your waist, and you melt to his warm touch. When he moves back, you’re both smiling. You don’t know what you’re thinking about. 

The past? Or the present? Or the future?

Your heart beats fast. 

___

After the ceremony is over, there’s an elaborate lunch. Your father sheds fake tears, you drink a lot of wine, and there’s many wishes for a happy married life. You smile too much, your jaws hurt. When Seokjin kisses you softly again mid-dance, when everyone is waiting for you two to show some affection as a newly-married giddy couple, he makes you forget everyone else. He’s always had this effect on you. You want to protest but you like it a little too much for even your own liking. Everyone is happy with how your wedding went, you can’t wait to crash at Yoongi’s place with soju and drink yourself to sleep. 

Since you’re too tired from the stress of the wedding, Hoseok drives you and Yoongi to the latter’s house. Yoongi’s house is radically different from your own. While you had gone for light pastels and airy sunshiney shades, Yoongi had the walls painted a dark grey. But you had to admit, Yoongi’s minimalistic art sense made even the grey look elegant. 

When you reach his house, you spot Yoongi trying to say something but hesitating. Reading his mind, you say, “Hoseok, join us!”

“No no, I don’t wanna barge into best friend time, I’m leaving!” Hoseok smiles widely, his entire face so bright even after the exhaustion of the day. Yoongi speaks up, finally mustering some courage, “No, Hoseok, you don’t have to leave! We’re just going to drink up. It’s cool if you stay. The more the merrier.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Yup yup.” Your best friend needs no more confirmation. He’s already setting down three glasses and bottles of soju, and arranging the snacks. 

“Thanks!” 

Six bottles of soju disappear fast. You quickly learn that although initially, Hoseok is the one chattering the most, laughing out loud and basically hyped at everything, he eventually slows down his incessant flow of talking as the alcohol increases, and Yoongi fills in the gaps as he’s more talkative when drunk. They sit next to each other, unconsciously touching each other, and Hoseok is definitely looking at Yoongi with puppy eyes as he’s more and more drunk. 

You learn that Hoseok has known Seokjin for the past five years, and has now become his business partner and lawyer. Also his best friend. Naturally he knows everything about his past. Well, not everything. Even he doesn’t know exactly why Seokjin disappeared on you. He never got to that part of the story when narrating history in drunk rants. 

It’s fun bitching about Seokjin. Hoseok has a good sense of humour, and together the three of you have endless jokes about his narcissism, his stuck-up attitude, his babyish nature, and his winks. When you tell them that he winked at you during the ceremony, Hoseok falls into Yoongi’s lap, laughing. You’re too intoxicated to know if the fall was intentional. 

Ten bottles down, you’re too sleepy to continue talking. Your jaws hurt even more now because you’ve talked so much, but it’s a good pain. Your ribs hurt because you’ve laughed so hard after so, so many years. 

When you’re falling asleep on the floor, putting your arm below your head as a cushion, you see Hoseok already sleeping on a cushion right next to Yoongi, who’s staring at him intently. You smile at your best friend. Yoongi’s always been shy about any ideas of romance, and you think Hoseok’s the same under the mask of that bright, smiling face. It’s a nice thought to fall asleep to. 

___

Things don’t go back to normal immediately. After about a week, the media ceases to talk about the scandal. And more about other things, like how you’re spending your newly married life with Kim Seokjin, who had been dubbed as “Worldwide Handsome” after he had overtaken some famous K-drama actors in terms of looks in a recent poll. Although you had shifted into his house, you had yet to have much conversation with him. This was because his house had a convenient feature- it was a duplex. So the second floor was completely yours, and you also had a separate door to it. There was no need for pretence either when friends (read, only Yoongi, and sometimes Hoseok) came to visit. They all knew about the arrangement. The only people who didn’t know were Seokjin’s parents, but they had returned to the USA soon after the wedding so there wasn’t any undue intrusion from them either. To the outside world, you were a couple in their honeymoon period, rarely going out of your house because you were busy doing… coupley things? 

But in reality, you both were stuck up in your rooms, working from home. You barely came out of your new room, which you had quickly furnished as per your taste and brought your belongings over to, and Seokjin never came up to your floor. You would often get take-out, or make something easy in your shared kitchen, but your routine was quite different from Seokjin’s. You were more of a night person, so you’d wake up later than him and your entire day would go by on a +2 hours schedule than his. You never clashed. 

In that week, you had four encounters in all. The first day, Hoseok and Yoongi had come over, signing more contracts ensuring that you got the money to pay off the loan from the scandal. Seokjin made lunch for you all. Surely it was just a coincidence that it was the same thing he had made for your one year anniversary back in college and you had enjoyed it so much that he had made it every night for the week after that too. 

The second encounter was three days after that, when you had to talk to him about bringing over your furniture to your new room. It was a ten-minute discussion, with you standing in the doorway of the hall, him sitting on the sofa, and you couldn’t help but notice, wearing a dapper white suit that made his skin glow in the morning when you were barely awake and simply dressed in a blue dress.

The third and fourth encounter happened on the seventh day. Early in the morning he had appeared at your door, asking you if you were free for lunch. You really weren’t free, because of a meeting… that you could have rescheduled, to be honest, but he didn’t press about it when you said that you were not free. You were quite thankful that he had not insisted. Later, you had ordered pizza, and you were waiting near the door because the delivery man was about to arrive at any moment. Suddenly the door burst open and a very sweaty Seokjin burst in. It was nine in the night, and you’d expected him to have fallen him asleep because of his regular schedule, but here it seemed that he had just come back from… gym? “I didn’t know you worked out?” “Nope, that’s too much hard work. I run.” He leans on the kitchen counter, getting back his breath, and you ogle at his lean figure. “You’re…?” “I ordered pizza, waiting for that.” “Oh.” He proceeds to drink water, and in his hurry, he drips some of it on his shirt, which is already wet from sweat. “Would you like some? I’m not going to be able to eat it all anyway.” “Nah, thank you.” He smoothly walked away into his room. Maybe to shower? You didn’t want to think about it. 

That night, the dreams returned. The first time you had seen him play basketball in your college campus, his muscular arms on display in the sleeveless tank top he wore. Three weeks after that, he had given you that tank top. When you woke up, the dream still fresh in your mind, you walked up to your wardrobe and found the tank top. It had been too loose for you, and that was your excuse for never wearing it since he had left. But now, you suddenly wanted to wear it again. If it was yours, you had every right to wear it, didn’t you? Plus, it was a Sunday, he was most probably not at home. You had heard from Hoseok that Seokjin often spent Sundays with him and a few other friends from his work. You had the entire house to yourself, and frankly speaking you had been waiting for this day. 

It seemed, nothing was going to go according to your plans. 

On getting out of your shower, you decided to go down and make coffee for yourself. Putting on music on your phone, you walked down slowly. Wearing the tank top and shorts, you had gone into chill mode, finally getting a day to yourself when you didn’t have to work nor would you have to worry about anything else. 

You walk down the stairs in a house of complete silence, but when you put your foot on the first floor, four men pounce out of a room, showering you with bursts of laughter and boisterous shouting. You stare at them in complete shock, faces you do not recognise at all, except two. You notice now that there are more than four men- four stand in a line, shy but still giggling, among which Hoseok had his hand over his mouth hiding his smile.The other three were unfamiliar, until you see Seokjin step up from one side, his entire face red and embarrassed. 

“Noona!” All the three men who you didn’t recognise call out your name with adorable smiles. They’re grown up men, wearing adult clothes, but when they call you out, they sound like children and the smiles on their faces are childish. You want to squish their cheeks. Seokjin shushes them with a finger, and you smile at him. 

One boy steps up and bows to you. “Y/N Noona, I am Jungkook! Jeon Jungkook!” He’s tall, but not taller than Seokjin. He has many piercings and is wearing an all black outfit, but his entire demeanour is smiley and cute. Another boy steps up, “And I’m Jiminie, and this is Taehyungie!” They have smaller builds than Jungkook but Taehyung is definitely taller than Jimin and Jungkook. They stand with the brightest smiles on their faces. “They’re here from Chicago. They’re my cousins,” Hoseok explains, “but they love Jin hyung more than me! They’re here to see you specially.” You smile instantly, your heart having already warmed towards the boys. You love the bright positive energy that they’ve brought into the house, that’s otherwise so silent and boring. One-by-one you hug each of them, but before you can talk to them, Seokjin asks them to sit in the living room, and pulls you away to his room. 

“What’s up?” His hold on your wrist softens, but his thumb lightly grazes on it. “They know… about the arrangement… and the past.” You look up at him, and gulp. “Okay.” “Yeah- and they may say stuff that’s…” “They’re kids, I won’t blame them.” Seokjin scoffs, “Jungkookie is 24 now. Not a kid anymore. Not that he’ll say anything. It’s Jimin and sometimes Tae- they don’t know where to draw the line sometimes. They can be blunt.” You furrow your eyebrows. “But I won’t feel hurt about anything. Nothing was my fault.” Seokjin’s eyes become stern, and you feel him pushing you gently to a wall. “Are you sure? Let’s not blame everything on me.” “I’m just speaking the truth.” You don’t back down, and stare back at him. His hand slips higher up your wrist, to your arm, and he lifts it to check on a bandaid that you had put on your arm last night. He raises his eyebrows. “I cut myself while shaving my arms.” He sighs in relief and rubs it softly. “Be safe.” Before moving out of the cage he had enclosed you in, he picks up your arm and places a feather kiss on the skin just below the bandaid. It sends shivers down your spine, especially when he leaves you abruptly after that, leaving you cold and exposed. 

You waddle your way back into the living room.

___

You learn that although the plan was originally that the boys would meet at Hoseok’s place, the Maknaes had arrived at Seokjin’s apartment and had insisted on surprising you, in spite of your husband’s protests. You were thankful that they were high, truly. They had a lot of energy and made the house seem like a home again with their childish and chill behaviour. Hoseok was your age, but around the Maknaes, he was also young and wild. Now you see why Yoongi liked him so much. Even Seokjin was laughing, although there were multiple times he spoiled the laughter in the room with his awful jokes. 

You end up ordering pizza, and lounge in the living room. The television is blaring out some music, and in a corner, Hoseok and Jungkook are dancing like maniacs. Taehyung is clicking pictures of everything, laughing to himself. Jimin is busy making amazing cocktails for all of you. And what about you and Seokjin? You’re probably sitting this close after years, and finally doing an inkling of what the newspapers expected y’all to be doing. But you were overthinking it. He was merely sitting next to you. So what if you were slightly leaning into his body, attracted to the warmth? So what if you could smell the roses on him? So what if he had wrapped his arm around your shoulder, and was gently patting your hair? Nothing suspicious. Jimin was wiggling his eyebrows at you both for nothing. 

___

“Y’all are comfy.” Taehyung asks out of the blue, when you all are huddled around the pizza, on the carpet. Instantly you’re blushing, and Seokjin moves away from you by an inch. “It’s nothing,” But Tae doesn’t stop. “Even if you’re upset about the marriage now, Jin hyung, you and Y/N have great chemistry.” Jimin nods and pipes in, “And great history.”

Hoseok pinches them, but they seem oblivious to it. Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice as he’s wolfing down the pizza slices. But there’s an odd tension forming between you and Seokjin. You can’t deny that although you tried to stay away from him, you had often unconsciously leaned into the familiar comfort that Seokjin provided. It was something your mind did not control, it was something your body caught on to by default of memory. 

It was awful. You hated that you felt nice by sitting next to him, not even exchanging words. Merely the idea that he was there with you being comforting made you hate yourself. 

Hoseok broke the silence by asking Tae if he wanted more pizza, and the young boys continued their excited chattering again. 

But your mood did not go back to what it was before Taehyung ruined it by speaking the truth. The truth you detested. 

___

The weeks after that passed by smoothly. You began to go back to work, people congratulating you on the wedding, and smirking at you when hinting about your super-secret honeymoon. The media went back to talking about things unrelated to you, your life was functioning just fine. 

Except one thing. 

Seokjin. 

You two had fallen into quite a rhythm. You would get up, shower and go down to the first floor. You would find Seokjin almost leaving the house. He’d look at you once before leaving, and you would find breakfast on the kitchen counter. After finishing breakfast, you’d leave the house. In the evening, you would ask Seokjin if he would be eating at home, to which he would reply in monosyllables. Since you generally returned home earlier than him, you would do the dishes, order some kind of takeout if you didn’t feel like cooking, or try to cook something and end up making a mess of it. Then you’d eat dinner by yourself, and go up to your room. If Seokjin did return home for dinner, he would eat whatever you had conjured and then go into his room. 

Then repeat the entire routine the next day. 

It wasn’t a bad routine. All your life you had craved to live alone, and for the last ten years you had enjoyed that. You’d feared marriage would take away that independence, but this arrangement worked very well for you. Too well, in fact. You probably would never want to change it. 

There was just one issue that irritated you. 

It had been three weeks since the last time you had gotten laid. And the last time was with the motherfucker who began the scandal. So when your hormones decided to go berserk, you had little to help yourself with. 

On one hand, it felt weird to go find a random date. Firstly, if the media found out, it would be the end of your life. And … perhaps less importantly, and honestly, you didn’t even know why it came up in your mind, but it felt strange to fuck someone else when the man you had always wanted to fuck was literally in the same house as you. 

On the other hand, you found no sensible reason in your mind when your hormones hit the horny extreme of the scale at midnight and you felt your finger inching downward and your panties slick. You knew very well you could use your vibrator to relieve yourself, get yourself just one high and that would be all. But you didn’t want to. Mostly because seeing Seokjin every day made you think of him. And how he felt. And how he had loved you. Once, before it all went wrong. 

___

“Three cheers to Y/N for coming back with a bang!” 

Everyone cheered loudly, clinking glasses and you smiled. It was a work dinner, one after many days. Everyone wanted to drink their recent stress away by getting together. Most of your floor was here at this work dinner, but you were paying for it all. It hurt your pocket, but it was a good move to keep morale boosted. Naturally, everyone was drinking without any control. Soju, whisky, beer, vodka, tequila, cocktails. Nothing was banned from the table tonight. And to be fair, even you enjoyed unwinding with your colleagues after a stressful month. 

Pretty soon, you all were drunk and chaotic in the bar that you had booked for your party. Despite some of them being older than thirty-five, almost everyone was dancing and chaotically singing to the karaoke in the corner. Some had fallen asleep on the couch, one was crying as they were missing their ex-boyfriend, and only one person was barely drunk but they were wolfing down the samgyeopsal with too much fervour. 

You were among those people who were drunk-dancing and singing in the worst tunes. You had always been close to your colleagues- not particularly friends, but you knew you could count on them. So now, when they compelled you to do girl-group dances with you, you didn’t think twice before joining. When a boy-group song came on, you all swooned at the visuals of the handsome idols, laughing and dancing to the beat. It was quite the mood, lasting till 2 am in the night, when the bar owner came to ask you to wrap up, as it was getting too late. You were too inebriated to understand his words clearly, but you got the gist from what your colleagues explained to you in spite of being equally drunk. Some readily bid their goodbyes, bowing to you for such a good evening, and clicking selfies with you. Others were drooling on the couch, and sending them home was quite the task. You didn’t want the drunk-daze to wash off you, but all these efforts made you more and more sober. 

When you came out on the street, opening your phone to call Yoongi to pick you up, you found a text from him, saying that he was busy tonight. Puckering your lips in an irritated expression, you considered who else you could call. You briefly considered Seokjin, but it would be too much of an inconvenience for him. Plus, you didn’t want to risk being around him when you were drunk. You’d either get incredibly desperate to kiss him, or kill him. 

Kim Namjoon. Your finger hovered over the contact one time before you decided to hit the call button. Namjoon was used to this, anyway. 

“Hello?”

“Hi-” you could hear your words slur, and slight shuffling from his end indicating that he was probably sitting up from bed. 

“What’s up, Y/N?”

You giggle at his concerned voice. “Nothing babe.”

“Y/N, are you drunk?”

“Is it that evident?” You giggle again. 

“Where are you?” You could hear him getting up and walking. You look up at the flashing signboard of the bar, which was now closing down, and tell him the name. 

“Okay, hang on. I’m coming.”

______________

Ten minutes later, you were sitting in Namjoon’s car, smiling at how he was focusing on driving through the dark streets of Seoul. 

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“I wasn’t sleeping.”

“But it’s so past your bed-time.” He laughs. “You remember?” “Of course, Namjoon.” It’s a red traffic signal. He looks at you for a second too long, and you know what he’s thinking. 

“I miss you.” You lean over to kiss his cheek. You can feel that it’s warm, but he’s always been like this. Quietly shy. He clears his throat and drives on as the green light flashes.

“How’s Seokjin?” He asks you after a while. 

“He’s … fine?”

“I’m happy for you.”

You laugh. “You don’t have to be.”

“But I’m not pretending. Really!” He smiles at you, his eyes honest. You can see that he’s not lying. Namjoon has never lied to you. Unlike Seokjin.

“I know you love him. Even after all these years.” You smile at him fondly. You can’t even be mad at Namjoon for speaking the truth that you’ve tried to hide so desperately. He knows enough of your past to have figured out the truth of your arranged marriage with his intelligence. 

When he looks at you again, staring deep into your eyes. You can feel the blood rush to your face, and you don’t know what you’re thinking but you ask, “Can I kiss you?”

He smiles, his eyes bright because of the lights on the streets. 

“No, Y/N. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

You can see the pain in his eyes. But this is why you love him. He knows what’s good for you, and never pushes you to do what he wants. 

Oh, how you wish Seokjin could be like this. 

That’s the last thought before you fall asleep in his car. 

___ When you wake up the next morning, everything seems to be aching. Your head, your arms, the soles of your feet. When you open your eyes, you’re greeted by a sight that intensifies your headache. 

“Seokjin?” 

He’s literally staring down at you, sitting next to you in your bed. You realise you’re still wearing the clothes you wore at work, and then to the party, last night. You probably smell awful, and look even worse. You’re half scared that Seokjin will scream at you for waking up late and missing work. 

But that’s when it hits you. There’s enough sunlight pouring in from the window for you to understand it must be at least past 10 am. And Seokjin is sitting in a t-shirt and shorts, his hair ruffled, and a frown on his face. Isn’t he also missing work?

“Where were you last night?”

“There was a work dinner.”

“But whoever brought you home was not your colleague.”

Your eyes widen. “How the fuck do you know?”

“I know every employee that works in your company. I’ve never seen this one’s face before.”

“What the hell, Kim Seokjin,” you groan, while trying to sit up. But he’s sitting too close for you to sit up without kicking him. 

“I’m asking you something.”

“What?” you snap.

“Who was he?”

“Namjoon.”

“Yes, he said that. That’s not what I’m asking.”

“He’s a friend.”

“Really?” He raises his eyebrows. You lean in, taking his challenge. You’re almost breathing the same air as him, and your breath hitches slightly. “Yes,” you tell him, not looking away. “Then why didn’t he come for our wedding?” You’re a little stunned, but you retort. “He’s not that close.” “Yet, you called him instead of me to pick you up when you were drunk. Yet, you clung to him when he brought you home when you weren’t sober. Yet, you’re defending him, right now as we speak.”

“Ugh!” Seokjin’s rapping at this point, his words coming out so fast. He’s always been good at arguing. 

“Why are you so interested to know?” You stare back.

“Why are you defending him?” He stares back. 

You stay like that for two minutes. Two solid minutes, because it’s so silent that you can hear the clock. 

You’re the first to give up. “Okay! We were a little more than friends.” 

His jaw clenches, you can see the cogs turn in his head. 

“So what?” 

“Nothing.” He gets up, walking away slowly. His long legs on perfect display as the shorts hang low on his hips.  

You ask again before he can leave the room. 

“Seokjin?”

“I didn’t know you dated after me.”

He pauses, looking back at you, his hand on the half-open door. 

“I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” 

And he leaves you speechless. 

___

The next few days, you and Seokjin hardly spoke to each other. Even if you were sitting together on the couch watching the news, even if you were both making coffee in the kitchen, even if you accidentally bumped into each other in the house. He seemed to be purposely silent. Every effort to start the conversation was made by you, but whenever you asked him anything he’d either grunt or nod. 

“I don’t know why he’s behaving like this. I mean, it’s not like we’re talking a lot anyway, but this is just too odd. He’s never this silent. Even last week, we were joking while watching a movie together. He bought me food last Thursday. But now- it’s all back to zero. No progress. I don’t know what’s up.”

You rant to Yoongi, who’s furiously typing on his laptop, next to you. 

“He’s acting up.” “What?” You gulp your coffee. “Why would he do that?”

“He wants attention. Y/N, is it that hard to understand?” You scornfully laugh. “He has enough attention. All the media can do is talk about him anyway.” Just a couple of days ago, Seokjin had modelled for a magazine featuring his success story. “Why do you need to model? It’s a fucking business magazine, publishing a business article. Why do they need you to wear Louis Vuitton and pose?” Seokjin had merely smirked, and said, “Because I look good.”

“No, you thick headed girl. He wants attention from you.” 

“Why?” You’re genuinely annoyed at Yoongi now for his ridiculous statements.

“He wants you to give him a chance to explain. For the past.” Yoongi finally looks up from his work. “Talk to him, maybe. Tell him why you feel what you feel. Give him another chance.”

You scoff. “Not even in his wildest dreams.”

“At this point, you’re just being unreasonable.”

“Huh?” 

“You can trust a random guy like Namjoon enough to drive you home when you’re drunk, but you can’t trust your husband?”

“Namjoon is not a random guy!”

“But you’ve known him for just a year.”

“He treats me much better than Seokjin, anyway. That’s what counts.”

“Sure, Namjoon is a great guy. No denying that. But Seokjin deserves another chance, I think.”

And with that, Yoongi went back to his laptop.

___

But you had no idea what Seokjin had been up to recently. When you were talking to Yoongi, he was sitting in his car, waiting for a certain individual to show up. He was wearing his shades, although he was sitting inside his car. He had worn black on black, to bring out his most formidable side. 

“Hello?” Namjoon got into the car, looking quizzically at Seokjin. He was wearing a loose plaid shirt and shorts, his hair cropped really short. How did Y/N even like him? “Why did you call me here? And how did you know how to contact me?”

He pressed a finger on his lips, shutting Namjoon up. “You know very well why.” Namjoon stared back at him. “... no?”

“Are you this dumb?”

“Generally, no. Your presence has not changed that status, contrary to what you might be thinking. Seokjin scoffed and got straight to the point. “How do you know Y/N?”

“Huh?” Namjoon was a little taken aback, but recovered quickly. “We’ve known each other for a little over a year. We dated for a few months, then we were friends.”

“Just friends?”

“We did sleep together occasionally. But we were both too scared of commitment to date seriously. Especially because I knew that if I date her, I would fall in too deep to ever be able to move on from her. I couldn’t do that to me, nor to her, not when I knew that she still loved you.”

Now it’s Seokjin’s turn to look incredulous. 

“She does not love me.”

Namjoon smirks. 

“Sure. That’s why she’s cried endless nights for you, wondering where you were, who you were with, and why you left her.”

Seokjin is too surprised to continue. 

“What happened? Cat got your tongue?” Namjoon scoffs again, but before Seokjin can recover his senses, he stepped out of the car. “If your little interrogation is over, I have somewhere to be. Talk to her. Goodbye.”

___

“To Y/N!” The menace known as your husband winks at you again, and you can’t help but choke on your wine as you drink to the toast he raised to you.

It’s been two months since your marriage, and your father insisted that you two host a two month-anniversary. You don’t know why you agreed to it, maybe because you didn’t want the rumours to come back. You wanted your marriage to last. At least in the eyes of the public. Not in your own life. 

Everyone claps, and someone begins whistling, “Kiss! Kiss!” as if it’s a bloody kiss cam in a baseball match. Shockingly, everyone, including Hoseok, the Maknaes whom he brought along to the party, and Yoongi, join in the chant. 

Jin’s lips twitch slightly. You know he doesn’t like this either, but when he leans in, you close your eyes and let him take over. 

And take over he does. 

He doesn’t let you breathe as he kisses you, his mouth slightly open, his breath sweet like roses, his tongue barely prying into your mouth but you part nonetheless because you like his gentle force on your small lips. His tongue swipes over your lips once, making you gasp and smile into the kiss. It’s a close like old times, you can taste the wine on your lips and you can’t help but want more. 

“Y/N…” he whispers as he moves back slowly. 

You bite your lower lip. 

“I love you.”

It’s awful timing, and you almost miss the words. It slowly registers into you what he just said. And you breathe in, parting your mouth to stay something, but he interrupts you. 

“And I’m sorry.” 

You don’t know what to say, so you just stay silent. He looks at you in expectation, but there’s too much going on for you to comprehend. You’re overwhelmed, and right now the dominant emotion is one of extreme longing. So you do what your heart and body tells you to do, instead of what your brain asks you to do. 

You pull his hand, and take him away from the banquet hall where you had organised the party. Once you’re outside on the isolated stairs, dimly lit and no one’s around you, Seokjin looks at you with confused eyes, looking like a tiny puppy. You smile in endearment, before pulling his lips into yours. And he doesn’t miss a beat. 

“Y/N…”

“Shhhh…”

He kisses you harder, pushing you against the wall, your bare back hitting the cold stone, as his hands slide up your ribbons along your waist. You know how turned on he is by the growing force in his touch. When he pulls back, you’re unable to breathe, and you visibly pant. You’re sure your lipstick is ruined, and he smirks at you. 

“Ramyeon meokgo gallae?”

___

You know that everyone back at the party must have a million questions, with the host couple disappearing in the middle of it. But you couldn’t care less. Not when his lips are on your neck, sucking and biting softly, and your hands are tangled in his smooth locks. You’re already turned on beyond control. It’s only now that it hits you with full force how much you had missed him. For the longest time, you had been too shy to expose your body to anyone else and tried to take care of your needs by yourself, the memories of Seokjin were too strong. But when you did allow someone else to touch you, you became reckless and thoughtless. You stopped caring about making love. It was just fucking someone new every weekend, and then moving on. Namjoon had threatened to change that, but he had stepped back in time. He knew that he would be the only one falling in love, and you did not want to break his heart. 

But tonight brought back the memories of your first night with Seokjin. The night when you had lost your innocence and your heart forever to the one man who could make your heart warm with a simple smile and wash away all your worries with just a cute face. 

He’s struggling to take off your dress, and you giggle at how concentrated he is, his eyebrows furrowed. “Seokjin-” “Hmm?” He looks at you, his gaze soft and tender. 

“Can we take it slow?” 

Realisation hits him like a storm. He steps back. “I’m so sorry-” “No!” “No, I’m sorry if I rushed you.” You cup his face in your palms. He continues to whisper apologies, but you press a kiss onto his lips to shut him up.

“Stop.”

He looks at you, his face small in your hand. He looks just like he did all those years ago, cute but handsome. 

“No, let me explain.”

He takes your hand and brings you to the couch. You both sit down, your hands clasped in his own. “Let me explain why I left you in my last year of college.” You shake your head, not ready to ruin this moment, but he doesn't stop. 

“When I started seeing you, I did not know who your father was. I was scared- when my mother took ill, I had to peddle drugs to continue my education and provide her with a decent treatment. When I found out that your father was a big-shot businessman, I had to detach myself from you. Because if he knew that we were together, he would’ve hurt you. And it was easier for me to see you hate me rather than hate everyone else around you because of me. But…” You stared at him, waiting. “Go on?”

“There’s, umm, more.”

“Yes?” You ask, your mind hazy with all the information. 

“But I was not able to hide from your father. He found out about us, and he threatened to send me away from the country to separate us. I didn’t have any option but to move away from you. I’m sorry.” His voice wavers when he notices the silent tears falling from your eyes, you biting your lips. 

“Y/N… don’t cry, please.”

“No no, but there’s something I don’t understand…”

“How I founded the startup and the story moved on till here?” You slowly nod your head. “When your father forced us away, I was hell-bent to take revenge. I needed to show him that I was worth his daughter’s hand in marriage, even if we never ended up together.”

You gasp. “So the scandal…?”

“When I disappeared and came back after a few years to start my company, you father had not recognised me at all whenever we met.” Seokjin laughs, “but I had never forgotten him. The scandal was a coincidence. But even if it hadn’t happened, I was determined to find my way back to you, Y/N.” He picks up your hand and kisses it softly, and you feel a single tear fall on your fingers. 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. 

You have nothing to say, you’re rendered speechless. You simply lean forward to kiss his forehead, and stay like that for a while. “I’m sorry if I ruined the mood.” He chuckles, and you can’t help but laugh out loudly. It’s good to hear his high-pitched laugh after so long, and you look at him fondly. “I’m sorry too, Seokjin,for hurting you.” “Don’t apologise, love.” He hugs you gently, and you melt in his embrace. 

“Thank you.” You whisper in his ear.

“For?”

“Spoiling the mood. We needed to have this talk now. We can always do the nasty later.” He laughs out again, your bodies shaking. He presses a soft kiss on your lips. “I love you, baby.”

You smile, your heart finally at peace.

“I love you too, Seokjin.”

[akuneko-tls]

Judgment by Fallen Angel / Chapter 9 - Opening

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Owner: "Oh my? This adorable cute guy over here... Is he...?  The one who wrote the script for this play, Fennesz-sweetie?"

Fennesz: "Huh… 'Sweetie'...? N-no… I just wrote the general outline…"

Owner: "Enough, dear! Your humble face is too cute~ ♪ I don't know what kind of script you ended up with… I'm looking forward to it!"

Fennesz: "Huh? I thought I sent you the script beforehand…"

Owner: "Yes, you did. But if I read the script first, I'll lose the excitement of seeing the show for the first time, won't I? I want to enjoy it as an audience member too!  I'm looking forward to something exciting and radical~ ♪"

Fennesz: "Sigh, yea… thanks…"

Owner: "Well... We still have some time before the show starts... I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me?"

Berrien: "Thank you very much, but we have rehearsal in a few minutes…"

Owner: "C'mon~ You're as formal as ever, Berri-sweetie ♪ Don't say that… At least today, you can come with me for a drink, can't you?"

Berrien: "Oh well... That would be difficult."

Clack… clack…

Lato: "I am back, my lord."

> "Oh, Lato…"

Owner: ".......!! Mr. La… Lato…?"

Fennesz: "Huh… 'Mr.' …?"

Lato: "Oh? Why are you calling my name? Hmm… Have we met before?"

Owner: "N-no! You don't have to remember me! It's only natural… to forget about an ugly pig like me!! I-I see… so Mr. Lato is joining this play... Well then, I don't want to interrupt you!  Break a leg, everyone~!"

Tap, tap, tap…

Muu: "Somehow… it seemed like he was rushing as if he was running away…."

> "Do you know him, Lato?"

Lato: "Who knows...? I do not remember…"

Miyaji: "Well… it was many years ago. As you can see, the owner gets overly familiar even to people he just met… Additionally, the day they met for the first time… Lato was in a bad mood."

Berrien: "Yeah… I think he is still traumatized by that encounter."

Fennesz: "I-I see… I could imagine that."

Lato: "Hmm... I still cannot remember... Well, it must have been something like that."

Fennesz: "Th-that's right. Let's just concentrate on the rehearsal for now…"

Muu: "My lord! Let's go to the audience seat. The lord's seat is on the second floor's box!"

> "Okay"

After the butlers had their final rehearsal on stage… The time has come for the opening night… The play for the opening of the theater was finally about to begin.

[Some time later]

Chatter… chatter…

Muu: "Uuh… So many seats are occupied by the audience...  It's not like I'm going to be on stage, but I'm getting nervous."

> "Me too..."

Beep—------

Muu: "What? That sound... Wow! It suddenly went dark…!"

> "I think it's starting."

………

Miyaji: "Somewhere in time... When angels suddenly appeared and tried to destroy the human race… The ones who stood up to fight angels and protect the human race…were a few youth. They had black wings and fought on par with the angels... People called them 'fallen angels'."

………

Fennesz: "…….Sigh…"

Berrien: "Oh? What's the matter, Fennesz. Looking down at the ground, with such a sigh."

Fennesz: "Mr. Berrien. Look at that. The humans on the ground are at war again."

Berrien: "Yes... It seems to be the case…"

Fennesz: "Even though at this very moment, angels are trying to destroy humans… Why can't they cooperate with each other?"

Berrien: "That is… a difficult problem, because their society is broad and complex. Every individual has a different way of thinking."

Fennesz: "Even so... It becomes more and more pointless. We have been fighting for a long time… in order to protect humans from angels. Most of them don't even thank us, but rather hate us. We protect them, but if they kill each other on their own.... Is there really any point in protecting them...?"

Lato: "Yeah, I have the same opinion."

Berrien: "You too, Lato?"

Lato: "Yes. I am tired of fighting for the ugly people. I think it would be better if we break them by our own hands. For starters, we should break every single person we can see from here…"

Miyaji: "Lato. Calm down for now. They, too, are living their limited lives to the fullest."

Fennesz: "But... We are alive, too, you know. If we are criticized, our hearts will be hurt. We can die in battle. In fact, in the past battles... many of our friends have lost their lives. I've already… don't have the confidence to continue fighting…"

Berrien: "Fennesz…"

Miyaji: "Hmm… Fennesz's and Lato's opinions are of great Interest.  I think we need to have a discussion about this. The topic for the discussion is…

*Close-up* 'Is humanity worth protecting or not'..."

Audience: "..........."

I couldn't see the faces of the people in the audience because of the darkness, but… I felt the tension in the theater once they heard Miyaji's words.

Lato: "Kufufu… very well. Then, first of all... Let me tell you why humans should be destroyed. If you look at the ground… you'll find plenty of reasons why they should perish…"

………………

…………

……

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[cafemilk-tea]

First Time

❒ pairing - evelyn x mingyu

❒ word count - 3.2K

❒ synopsis - evelyn and mingyu’s first time

❒ time - May 2022

❒ ⚠️ warnings - 🔞 smut 🔞 read at your own risk!

(a/n : This post contains mature themes. This is also my first time writing smut so please bare with me )

“Today was such a long day.” Mingyu whined, falling back onto his bed pulling Evelyn down on top of him, “I’m so exhausted.”

“You say that every day.” Evelyn giggled, burying her face into the crook of his neck leaving behind little kisses. With being so busy the last couple of days with the comeback, it was becoming increasingly hard to spend moments like this with each other without wanting to fall asleep right away.

“They weren’t kidding when they said this was our busiest year yet and we’re not even halfway done.”

Evelyn snorted, picking her head up and leaning to press her lips to his cheek. All of the hard work they were putting in towards this comeback, while it was taxing, it was so worth it in the end. He smirked, turning his head just as she was about to plant another kiss to his cheek, and kissed her on the lips instead.

She pulled away after kissing his lips again, staring down at him taking in every single one of his features. He brushed the few strands of hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ears.

“What's got you thinking?” Mingyu brushed his thumb across her cheek.

She bit her lip, sitting up from his hold. Nari’s words from the day before flooded her mind. Having sex with someone you love is a normal thing for couples to experience.

“Um…I wanna talk to you about something.” She mumbled, picking at her fingers as her cheeks blushed, “I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“Hmm?” Mingyu sat up beside her, grabbing her hand to squeeze.

“Remember a few days ago, we were talking about when our first would be and you told me whenever I was ready?”

He wrapped an arm around her, kissing the side of her head, “I’d wait an eternity.”

She held his hand tighter, cutting the awkward silence, “I-I think I’m ready.”

“Evie-“ He leaned away to fully look at her, “Are you sure? I don’t wanna rush you”

“You’re not I-…Nari always talks about how good it feels and I want to experience what it’s like.”

“As long as you’re ready,” he leaned his forehead against hers, pecking the tip of her nose, “I can't wait to show you how beautiful you are.”

Getting up from the bed, Evelyn let go of his hand and reached for her bag packed with her clothes for the night, “I’m just gonna go shower real quick.”

Her mind was racing as she scrubbed her body clean from the day’s sweat and grime. It was the first time she has ever been this intimate with someone, especially with a person that she loves more than anything. Ever since getting together with Mingyu, she had thought about this exact moment a million times. The thought made her excited and scared all at once, all sprinkled with nervousness.

With what felt like forever, she stepped out of the shower, eyeing the lingerie. Her stomach had never felt so full of butterflies as she dried herself off quickly, slipping on the garments carefully.

She entered the room, taking in the dim lighting and soft music playing in the background. His back was turned away from the door as he was fixing up the bed. She smiled to herself as she stepped closer into the room, and even though the bed would be a mess afterwards, it was the thought that counts.

“I just turned on my playlist if that’s alright-“ He turned the corner of the bed and his breath hitched. She could feel her heart beating faster watching as his eyes made a quick swipe down her body before meeting her eyes again. This was the least amount of clothing she’s ever worn in front of him and would hate it if this is what turned him off.

“If it’s too much, I can go put something else on.”

“No- I-,” He breathed out, backing up until his legs hit the edge of the bed, “You’re so beautiful.”

Evelyn looked down at her feet, suddenly feeling shy with being so exposed to him. He reached his hand out, grabbing her hand bringing her in gently to stand between his legs, rubbing across her knuckles with his thumb trying to ease away her nervousness.

He leaned upwards, grabbing her chin gently and pulled her in deeply for a kiss, swiping his tongue across her bottom lip asking for permission to enter. She placed her hands on his forearms, needing a place to ground herself as they continued to kiss passionately.

Evelyn breathed in heavily, wanting to take a little charge, breaking away from the kiss to straddle his lap. His hands rested gently on her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck going back in for another heated kiss, slowly pushing herself down on him. He started to trail his kisses down along her neck towards the valley of her chest.

Evelyn’s body began to heat up, watching as his hands worked their way up from her hips to her breasts. He made slow movements across each mound, thumbing over each nub gently, mumbling to himself on how she was so pretty. She let out a quick gasp, arching into his touch, gripping onto his shoulders tightly. It was such a simple gesture, but no other guy has made her feel this way in a long time.

Mingyu twisted his body around, gently laying her down against the bed, removing his shirt and crawling back on top of her.

“Are you okay?” He pecked her on the lips, brushing the hair that was sticking to her forehead away from her eyes. She panted out a nod, chest rising and falling rapidly.

Holding himself up by his forearms, Mingyu lowered himself down to kiss and suck at her neck and collarbone, biting softly at the skin. She closed her eyes, falling deeper into the sensation as he worked his way around her upper body. She was caught off guard, gasping out as he made his way back down her chest to suck at one of her nipples through the thin fabric, pinching the other at the same time. Evelyn couldn’t help the moan that escaped, clamping a hand over her mouth.

“I’m sorry,” She gasped out, biting her lip to try and control herself.

“Don’t apologize,” He leaned to kiss her cheek and then her lips, “Make all the noise you want.”

He kissed her lips again and returned back down to her chest, this time switching nipples. He switched between sucking and biting softly, rolling the other between his thumb and index finger. Evelyn squeaked out another moan, nails digging into her palm as electricity radiated through her body.

“Do you wanna continue?” He pulled back, lifting his head searching for any sign of discomfort from her.

“Please,” Evelyn nodded, closing her eyes briefly to catch her breath, “It feels good.”

He smiled at her, sliding further down the bed to readjust his body. He lifted up the tulle fabric, bunching it up underneath her chest to expose her bare stomach. He leaned down and began to trail kisses around her stomach, lingering the lower he got.

“Let me know if you need me to stop.”

Evelyn nodded as his fingers danced around the waistband of her panties, trailing across the lace fabric detailing at a painfully slow pace. She covered her mouth with the back of her hand as he dipped his hand lower over the spot she desired his touch the most. He pressed harder on the outside with two fingers, rotating them in tiny circles to get her going. Fire ignited in her stomach, the thong being in the way felt like complete and utter torture. Evelyn couldn’t help the whines escaping her mouth, Mingyu coming up to nibble at her jaw as he worked her.

“Please,” She squirmed, grabbing at the comforter for support, “More.”

He shimmied his way back into the space he was previously occupying, sliding her panties down and off her legs, tossing them away from the bed. His fingers found their way back to her core, circling her faster than before. Evelyn bit her lip, tilting her head back taking in the intense pleasure. Of course she’s done this to herself before, but nothing could ever compare to this moment in time with his fingers.

“It’s gonna feel a little strange, okay?” Mingyu stopped his movements briefly, “If you need me to stop, please tell me.”

Evelyn nodded, furrowing her eyebrows together as he slid his index finger into her entrance. She choked out a gasp, grabbing at the comforter for what felt like the millionth time that night. She’s done this to herself a handful of times as well, but the stretch was something else with wider fingers. After giving her a few moments to adjust, he added in his middle finger, moving them in a slow pace rhythm. His thumb found its way to her nub, rubbing in pace with his fingers.

“Doing okay?” Mingyu leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers.

“Yeah,” She whimpered against his lips.

“You’re so beautiful Evie.” His lips lingered against hers, his fingers continuing to work her open, “I wish you could see how you look right now.”

Just when she thought she couldn’t get enough pleasure, her body jolted forward, making her toes curl when a new sensation was added alongside his fingers. He licked right between her folds, focusing directly on her nub with his tongue. It was the first time that she had ever received oral from someone, never actually making it past a few touches here and there. A high pitch moan left her body as the feeling was to the point of being too much.

“Gyu-,” Evelyn whined, reaching her shaking hand down to tug at his hair, whining as the pleasure was becoming so overwhelming.

She felt like she was losing her mind as an odd feeling began to build up inside. She couldn’t help but grip his hair tighter, digging the nails on her other hand into her thigh. Mingyu glanced up from his position between her legs, watching as Evelyn was closer to reaching the edge. He drove his fingers in and out faster than ever, curling and uncurling as he went.

Evelyn’s ears rang as every part of her body tensed up, toes curling and back arching as the pleasure overcame her, her walls tightening around his fingers. Sweat was running down the side of her face as she panted out, chest rapidly rising and falling with each breath she took.

“Breathe Evie,” Mingyu crawled up the bed, kissing her temple, “It’s okay.”

“It felt so good.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded, tired eyes staring up at the ceiling trying her best to control her breathing. Her body felt completely like jello as her post orgasm continued to course through her body. She blindly reached for his hand, squeezing it once she found it.

“How are you feeling?” He squeezed back, running his thumb across the back of her hand.

“I feel good,” She breathed out, looking at him, “Really good.”

The two sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company. He smiled at how she was already radiating with such a pretty glow to her body. She couldn’t stop her mind racing at how much she wanted to be with him even more, and judging by his face, she knew he felt the same way.

“I-I’m ready again.”

He kissed the back of her hand, “Are you sure? We can stop and take a break.”

“I’m sure, I want you so much.”

“It’s gonna be a lot, and I won’t lie and tell you that it won’t hurt,” He kissed her hand again, “But I’ll try and make it hurt the least amount that I can. I promise.”

“You love me too much to hurt me.” She giggled, letting go of his hand so he could stand up from the bed. He smiled at her, making his way to his bedside drawer pulling out a condom packet and a little bottle of lube, ridding himself of his sweatpants and boxers. With one last look at him, Evelyn turned her attention back to the ceiling, knowing that this was going to be the hardest part of this whole experience, her nerves already eating away at her on the inside.

Mingyu tore open the packet, rolling the condom down his length, squeezing out a decent amount of lube into his hand. He gave himself a few pumps, spreading the lube as evenly as possible. Evelyn reached out for his hand again, pulling him onto the bed and as close as possible. Her bottom lip trembled as he climbed on top of her, squeezing her eyes shut. She could swear her heart was beating outside of her chest, loud enough for the whole world to hear.

“Baby, we don’t have to do this if you’re not ready-“

“I am! I promise. I’m just…scared,” She mumbled, hand finding its way to his shoulder and squeezing tightly.

“It’s okay to feel scared,” Mingyu rubbed his thumb across her cheek, catching the single tear making its way down her face. He connected their lips together, trying to find a way to calm her down and ease her body’s tension. She cracked her eyes open, staring back into his eyes that were filled with so much love and admiration, “But I’m right here, always right here.”

She nodded, chest falling much slower as he kissed her forehead, lips lingering before pulling away completely. He rested his forehead against hers, breathing in the same air until he felt her body visibly relax.

“I’m gonna start, okay?” He grabbed himself in his hand and aligned outside of her entrance, hiking her leg up for a smoother access, “Please tell me to stop if it hurts too much.”

As he pushed in slowly, Evelyn tilted her head back, clamping her eyes shut as a sharp moan ripped its way out of her. She felt like she was being split in half, the sharp burn paired with the intense stretch was to the point it was almost unbearable. Even though his fingers were on the bigger side, this stretch couldn’t even come close to the stretch from just his fingers. She dug her nails into his bare shoulders, gasping as he continued to inch his way through.

He bit his lip hard, groaning as he sank into her deeper, eyes scanning her face for any sign that she wanted to stop. Her walls squeezed around his shaft like a vice grip causing him to clench his jaw tight. He pushed the last little bit in, finally sinking the full way inside, dropping his head down onto her shoulder letting go of her leg.

“F-Feels so good,” Evelyn whined, scratching her nails down his back, leaving red trails behind.

Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes as he brought himself out and back in again, creating a slow rhythm to start off with. The pain that was almost unbearable slowly started to fade as he continued with his pace, breathing deeply against her shoulder. The feeling of being here in the moment, wrapped in his arms as they shared this moment together, felt so surreal to her.

He pulled his head away from her shoulder, strands of hair sticking to his forehead, connecting their lips together. The speed of his hips picked up pace, hitting a certain spot inside of her over and over again, Evelyn couldn’t help but cry out in pleasure.

“Gyu- I-,” Her body shook as he thrust into her continuously. The heat was building up inside again rather quickly, knowing full well that she was about to come undone again.

She arched her back off of the bed, the familiar feeling from earlier overtaking her as her body shook from the overwhelming pleasure of another orgasm. She was seeing stars as his movements became sloppy, pistoning his hips quickly chasing his own release. The sound of skin slapping together drowned out the music playing in the background. He laced his fingers with hers, pressing her hands beside her head, moving to connect his lips to her neck, sucking and biting at the sweaty skin.

He rocked into her a few more times, slowing his movements as he spilled into the condom with one last thrust, groaning into her neck. He gently lowered the rest of his body on top of her, trying to slow his rapid breathing.

“I love you,” She whispered, turning her head to the side, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck.

“I love you. So much,” He littered her neck with tiny kisses, nipping gently at her jaw.

He picked himself up on his hands, bending to kiss at her lips, pulling out of her slowly before getting off the bed.

“I’ll be right back,” He rubbed at her ankle, disposing of the condom in his trash can, heading for the bathroom.

She watched him leave the room, scooting further up on the pillows, bringing her legs to her chest. She focused her vision up at the ceiling, eyes becoming glassy, the tears falling in competition with each other. All of the emotions were hitting her all at once; happiness, relief, satisfaction, but most importantly, love.

“Evie, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Mingyu crawled across the bed, eyebrows scrunched together as he wiped away the tears.

“No, I’m okay,” She laughed wetly, grabbing his wrist lightly, “I just love you so much.”

“I love you more than anything,” He brushed away the hair that was glued to her forehead. She glanced down and noticed that he returned back in his boxers, holding a damp washcloth.

“Did you even check if Wonwoo was here before you left earlier,” She chuckled, laying her head against the headboard.

“I think he went with Vernon to see a movie after practice,” He scratched the back of his neck with his free hand, “And besides, it’s a little too late to be thinking about if he was here or not.”

Evelyn slapped her hand over her mouth, throwing her head back to laugh. It didn’t even cross her mind to make sure they were at the dorm by themselves, but what’s done is done.

“I brought this to clean you up, if it’s okay?” He motioned towards the washcloth in his hand. She brought her hand down away from her face with a nod, exhaling when the cold rag wiped gently at her skin.

“It’s cold,” She giggled, goose bumps appearing across her skin.

“It was warm when I brought it out, I swear!”

He tossed the washcloth into the hamper, pulling the comforter back so they could slide underneath. Evelyn grabbed the bottom of her lingerie top, pulling it over her head and throwing it off the end of the bed, now being completely naked. She had never been this exposed to anyone before, but being with Mingyu made her feel so loved and comfortable showing all parts of herself.

“You’re so beautiful,”

Mingyu threw his arm around her, pulling her closer to his body to keep her warm. She rested her head against his chest, throwing a leg over his waist getting comfortable under the blanket. He rubbed his thumb against her waist, leaving gentle kisses on her forehead.

“Thank you for tonight,” Evelyn kissed his chest, resting her chin to look up at him, “I loved it so much.”

“Thank you Evie, I’m so proud to call you mine.”

[Taglist : @justmochi @cosmicwintr ]

[spacegoathours]

gonna ramble about calnr below the cut

bc I’m BORED and this is MY blog I do what I WANT

TW for self-harm, I think. I am not nice to my girl

edit: i sat on this for days and it’s long and stupid but i’m sick of seeing it in my drafts. every day i strive to be worse than the last ✌🏼✨

since I am the worst at writing, and really not creative overall, I struggle with stepping outside of the few things I’ve drawn which range from generic cutesy things to angsty AF

at some point I’m gonna have to suck it up and make sense of their relationship, why it’s even necessary for both of them, and what the endgame is. is this just for funsies and doesn’t matter? yes. is my brain not going to leave me alone until I make sense of everything? also yes.

like. ok. we can assume that Lard Nar has dealt with a lot of loss. he lost his home first and foremost, but it can also be assumed that he’s lost a lot of loved ones, family and friends and so on, either by imprisonment or death by Irken hand. this makes him not only opposed to commitment for fear of losing someone but especially opposed to commitment to an Irken.

at the same time we like to think that Lard Nar sees past how Irkens tend to be on the surface and understands that they’re just victims of Irken society, this awful propaganda that turns what could be free-thinking individuals into single-minded drones privy to violence and hatred of other alien races.

he knows deep down that Callie is good because she saved him during the Vort disaster. that’s highly unusual Irken behavior and the act sticks with him years down the line, even after watching as his planet got conquered and his family imprisoned. so the two views go back and forth in his mind, i guess.

obviously trusting Callie in the end is what happens since they do, eventually, have some sort of complicated relationship. once he opens up to her, that fear of losing her just like he lost everyone else becomes super exasperated, now that he’s let Callie be someone important to him.

this really sucks for him because Callie is fiercely independent and leaves the Resisty ship often. each time is either quietly leaving without anyone knowing or getting very angry and leaving, never with the intent to come back. she just wants to be left alone at first.

(tw implied self-harm below)

Callie gets into a lot of trouble while away from the Resisty. the story I keep trying to tell with her is dark; she hates herself, a lot, has no sense of self-preservation and comes back fucked up every time. most of the time she’s found by the Resisty and they have to bring her back to health again.

her background of like… forced to train hard as hell to become a top elite next to miyuki and never wanting that future, having to escape her home planet because she would have been killed otherwise, actually being killed painfully after finally finding what felt like home, waking up in a body that isn’t hers and another Irken’s mind battling with her own, and by this point assuming that the Resisty just wants to use her because she could potentially be a huge threat to the Empire…

this girl’s mental state is bad by the end of it all.

and actually, most of the Resisty hates her at first, which doesn’t help. they just got done trusting an Irken who betrayed them and nearly got them all killed (Nyx). but their captain feels that he owes Callie, she saved his life after all so many years ago, so he saves hers in the only opportunity that arises to make it possible. so the rest kinda have to deal.

after some time goes by, Lard Nar realizes that he’s gone from “ok I have returned the favor my work here is done” to “fuck I really care about you please stop hurting yourself like this”. and he does see Callie as a potential asset to their cause at first, but doesn’t press the subject. after he realizes oh fuck I have feelings for this Irken he drops the idea from his mind entirely; he just wants her to be okay. Callie, seeing no future for herself, has no interest in joining the Resisty or being in any sort of relationship.

Eventually she comes around after slowly realizing that the Resisty has 1.) learned to trust her after Nyx’s personality is fully gone and they spend more time getting to know her true self and her history and 2.) saved her time and time again without expecting anything in return, proving that they actually do care. her mental state starts to improve slowly but surely.

Callie officially joins the Resisty and goes on missions with them. somewhere in this part of the story is where she realizes how much she cares about Lard Nar in return. but emotions are very confusing for Irkens, especially those surrounding romantic feelings, so Callie doesn’t know what to do half the time. she’ll go to Laksa like “hey Nar brought me flowers from a nearby planet and asked if I needed anything while I’m stuck in the med bay and it made me feel weird what does this mean” and Laksa will be like ROLLS EYES.

this girl stubborn AF and when she understands what she’s feeling for Lard Nar is love, she’s in denial about it. her??? with a Vortian???? that’s wrong!!! it’s not, but the things you’re taught on Irk take some time to unlearn. anything between them is kept in private and even though she thinks she has their relationship under wraps, the rest of the Resisty is like “oh wow sweet gossip” and they are very aware lol.

there is a mission at some point where some Irken enforcers capture Lard Nar and keep him imprisoned for a while, and Callie rips through the prison’s guards like they are nothing to save him, and at this point she doesn’t care what people think anymore. when she saved him and some other scientists the first time on Vort she didn’t think much of it, it was just the right thing to do and she took hold of the opportunity. this time she’d stop at nothing to make sure he’s safe, even if that means murdering a ton of Irken guards, going very much against her own ideals.

the two become highly protective of each other and intermittently co-dependent because of their different traumas surrounding loss. I don’t think this makes for the healthiest relationship - sometimes one or the other will realize they’re being clingy and pull back for fear of getting hurt. it probably takes them a very long time to get to a point where the fear of losing the other becomes less important than the desire to be together.

also like…this takes a while. you can’t erase the past, and the reality is that Irkens and Vortians have a very strained relationship with each other. Lard Nar occasionally gets a sinking feeling in his gut when he’s around Callie, remembering the history surrounding the broken alliance. This is an Irken who can choose to betray his trust at any moment, and it’s not like it hasn’t happened to him personally. Callie, being on the “winning” side between the two, feels overwhelming guilt and often feels like she doesn’t deserve to be with Lard Nar because of what the Irkens - her people - have done to him.

I think I want them to have a happy ending where they can overcome their pasts, but ugh. I sure do view the IZ universe and timeline as very dark and awful and sure do love putting characters thru the horrors.

like I said before I’m bad at writing and there are a lot of elements here I want to include, which is why this ended up so lengthy, but some probably contradict others!! it’s just a string of thoughts though, so take it all with a grain of salt I guess. eventually I’ll simplify things which would make it easier to come up with ideas for writing/drawing. or just do whatever. whenever. this is literally just textbook “I want to shove my OC into every aspect of canon because I need to live” fuck it we ball

umm anyway how’d this get so fucking long. if you made it this far why did you do that. goodnight

[destinyc1020]

”Will this come between them??” The simple answer to that is no. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 8 years, we are the same age as tom and zendaya and at EVERY extended family gathering, party, Christmas etc we are constantly asked when we are getting engaged, having a baby etc and we just simply shrug it off and say when we are ready🤷🏽‍♀️ It’s not out of the question for two 26 year olds to do these things but even if they aren’t ready, it won’t break them apart. If that was the case, my bfs granny would have broken us up a looooooong time ago, bless her😂 but in all seriousness, they are adults, they’re fine!!!!

Haha thanks Anon for sharing your personal experience. 😂

And yea lol, honestly? When two ppl WANT to be together, even adversity won't tear them apart. There's nothing you can do. They're gonna do what they want to do. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Case in point, my little cousin JUST got married this year, and she's soooo young!!! 😭 She's not even 21 yet (she turns 21 next year), but she fell in love with her best friend and they wanted to get married! Everyone (including me) felt that she should have waited.

My aunt was STAUNCHLY opposed to it.... she and my cousin would fight and argue over the matter all the time. She even HATED him at one point lol 😆 😂 🤣 Did it break my cousin and her bf up? Nope!! If anything, it just drew them even closer together haha 😄 😆

Long story short, my aunt finally came around and saw that he really is a good guy, genuine, and treats my cousin well. (He really is sweet btw) She didn't want them marrying so young, but guess what? They got married, we attended their wedding, and I just saw them the other night and they're SO happy. 🥺

Do I know if their marriage will last? No! 🤷🏾‍♀️ But am I happy for them? ABSOLUTELY. 💯

Sometimes in life you just have to follow your own heart. ❤ Make your own mistakes. Make your own decisions. If it doesn't work out... oh well!? 🤷🏾‍♀️ Life goes on. But you don't want ANY regrets.

Opposition isn't going to tear apart a couple that is determined to stay together and who love each other very much.

Every single day ppl marry those who their friends and family members didn't want them marrying simply because they are from different religions, different countries, different races, different cultures, different age brackets,are a homosexual couple, etc.

Do these ppl let others determine their happiness in life? NO! 😤

So it just seems so SILLY to me when I hear ppl ask whether engagement rumors (whether true OR false) will "break" these two (Tomdaya) apart, when they're clearly SO in love with each other, and other ppl have stayed together during far greater opposition. 🙄

[brokenthimbles]

Everything was perfect. The flowers had been delivered and were arranged nicely throughout their shared home; orange and yellow and white blossoms leading the way from the front door through the hallway and into the study, where, how else could it be, an old edition of Herodotus was placed on the small oak table in front of the sofa. It had taken him a while to hunt that edition down, searching every single bookstore and antique store in London and even beyond the city walls. What mattered more, however, was the small, velvet blue casket on top of the book. Inside it was a ring. Silver, with a small, nearly transparent, diamond. The ring was petite, but fit Wendy’s finger perfectly - it had to, since Gareth had measured her annulary thoroughly in the middle of the night months ago, when Wendy had been fast asleep next to him in bed after a particularly tiring day at the hospital. All those months he had been able to remain absolutely silent about his little project - the perks of being the Head of MI6. Secrets were an easy thing to keep for him, no matter how hard his heart was beating every time he even just thought about tonight.

Everything was perfect - except that, and here he momentarily hated his job, he was held up at Whitehall. Just when he had put on his coat and grabbed his briefcase ready to be home in time for once and before Wendy, Moneypenny had entered his office, telling him about an important matter that had to be dealt with immediately. With an annoyed glance at his watch, Gareth had still been forced to stay and pay his duty to his country.

Meanwhile, everything waited at home: the flowers, the book, the ring. Just the question he had wanted to ask Wendy upon her seeing the ring had to wait a little longer, it seemed.

Wendy had absentmindedly entered the flat, like it had been every other night. Kicking off her shoes before turning to lock the door and turn the light on, but what normally would just be her making her way to the fridge to find food ended up her frozen as she saw the hues of orange and white blossoms lining the ground.

  “G?” she called out softly, to no answer. Dropping her belongings on the floor next to the door she slowly made her way following the trail of flowers. The scent from them calming her as she felt her heart racing, and the noises of anything but that accelerating lub-dub in her chest. What she thought she’d find was Gareth actually home for a change, panic rising as she tried to think why there had been flowers. Was it her birthday? No. His? No. Their anniversary (not that they’d ever celebrated such things before), but what she found was the study…. Empty. She let out small sigh of disappointment before she noticed it. The small oak table had something atop it…. A book, and a jewelry box.

  Her heart stopped mid beat, her breath caught in her chest as she made her way towards it. At first she held the velvet box in her hand before she noticed what looked like a print of Herodotus that must have been over a hundred years old. Her fingers delicately tracing its cover and pages. It was a strange thing, Wendy hadn’t even given two thoughts to the jewelry box thinking it might be a necklace, or some small token but what it was she now knew without question. This book, this tome, was the first thing they connected on. The ancient histories, and it became part of their history. Something they read to one another, or brought them back to each other time and time again. Wendy knew in that moment what she’d find when she opened that little velvet box……. A ring.

Part if her wanted to wait….. but she couldn’t. Opening the box, the petite stone and band glowing as if magic. Doing what any girl would do she placed is on her annularly but once it was there? She couldn’t remove it. It felt strange, and yet as if it were a part of her very being. Who knows how long she stared at it, before settling into the sofa. The newest edition to their Herodotus collection safely back on its pedestal, the book she had been reading now in her lap but she found herself constantly distracted from its pages with the light catching on the ring she now wore. She’d maybe read the same sentence 20 times before she dissolved into giggles.

Her Gareth……. Wanted to marry her, officially….. and by God she wanted to marry him. 

[96thdayofrage]

Not a single old man among them. It’s yet another reminder that the prejudice that was supposed to just die off with the old generation continues to find new life with the young.

“The time of the Republic has passed in America as the system grows too weak to perform its duty,” part of the group’s manifesto reads. “The damage done to this nation and its people will not be fixed if every issue requires the approval and blessing from the dysfunctional American democratic system. Democracy has failed in this once great nation.”

That’s all a long way of saying “make America great again,” apropos given the hearings on television about the Jan. 6 terrorist attack.

Based on the evidence and documents, the group was planning to riot at the North Idaho Pride event, in addition to several other areas around downtown Coeur d’Alene. We are all very fortunate that a stranger called the police after seeing the group piling into the truck in a hotel parking lot. No telling what would have happened if they had been able to follow through on their plans. More than 50 people were injured, and one person died, in the Charlottesville rally after a white supremacist deliberately drove his car into a crowd of counter-protesters.

That driver was just 20 years old — which means he was taught to hate after the first “Top Gun” movie. That’s how recent we’re talking.

Contrarians always like to take examples such as the mass shooting in Buffalo, N.Y., and make it about one event or one person. Whenever attempts are made to place the racist attack in context, Black people are reminded that slavery ended a long time ago — as if legislated racism hadn’t immediately been put in its place.

You know, for all of the hubbub surrounding book banning, critical race theory and this supposed concern about teaching children to hate, culturally we have done a poor job addressing the white supremacists who are grooming young white people.

The person accused of driving nearly four hours specifically to kill Black people in Buffalo is just 18 years old. He wasn’t around during slavery, the Civil War or the civil rights movement, and yet we all instinctively assume we know the type: The accusations are in sync with the actions of many 18-year-old white males from each of those eras.

Before critical race theory and “Drag Queen Story Hour” were a thing, white supremacy was being taught in this country. Back when men wore the pants, the wife stayed at home and prayer was still in school, white supremacy was being taught in this country. Ruby Ridge from 1992 begat Timothy McVeigh and the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995, which begat Timothy Wilson, who texted an associate “How did McVeigh do it" before picking a hospital in the Kansas City, Mo., area to blow up in 2020. Thankfully the FBI was able to intercept Wilson — who also considered blowing up several mosques, a synagogue and an elementary school mostly populated with Black children. He was only 36 years old, born long after all of this was supposed to be over.

But culturally we treat the examples of this hate as one-offs. Politicians consider them obstacles to reelection or an incident to talk about for fundraising. What we don’t do is go after it the way Republicans went after transgender children who hope to play sports with their friends.

In Texas, parents can be investigated for providing their transgender children with support, and yet the Lone Star State has been slow to address the continual teaching of white supremacy. At least seven of the 31 who traveled to Idaho are from Texas.

If Republicans consider critical race theory to be an issue worthy of legislation, and they think parents of transgender children should be investigated, why aren’t those same Republicans gung-ho to investigate parents of avowed white supremacists or interrupt the organizations that teach white supremacy?

As far as I can tell, none of the 31 folks arrested in Idaho are old enough to have been around for the first Juneteenth back in 1865. So they were taught white supremacy … but by whom?

[ihatemyselfbutidolovetea]

10/23/23

This isn't good. This is just.... not good. It's relationship issues so it's not like I can go to my friends about it. As much as I can ask other people to affirm me and tell me I'm good, I need need need need NEED Jayson to let me know that he doesn't think I'm a failure, he's not disappointed, he forgives me for being late on graduation and he recognizes my accomplishments.

Here's how arguments have been structured for the last few years; We piss each other off somehow---> I notice Jayson is upset and then I try to make things right by apologizing saying where I messed up but I will try to advocate for myself and let Jayson know how he's making me feel---> Jayson does not receive my attempts and then goes on a barrage of criticisms towards me which is mostly "when are you gonna graduate???" "Why aren't you making progress with moving on yet??" "You promised you'd graduate last year and you didn't" "I believe in you but I've heard this all before." Even when the argument had nothing to do with school in the first place, that's always brought up 98% over every single disagreement. As much as I want to keep working towards it, this pressure just kills my motivation. It doesn't get my ass in gear it just makes me shut down, and have destructive thoughts. Trying to be productive in these conversations is a fool's errand, and I should have learned a long time ago, that when the conversation turns to this, that's when I bounce.

But I really messed up this time. I lied to Jayson, I told him I made an appointment with a guidance counselor when he asked. I didn't, I was planning on doing that when I got home. But by the time work came up this rat race I'm in was just damaging my mental state. I needed a break really badly. If I'm not on campus then that would mean I don't meet with a counselor. My lie would have been exposed. So I had to come clean. I tried making actual appointments with guidance and a career counselor to make it hurt less, but the damage was done. He was not happy at all. There was nothing I could do it make it right. I hurt Jayson by lying. He told me it would hurt less if I just told him "No I didn't make an appointment" upfront rather than lying. Now I'm left with Jayson really thinking I'm a failure. Not just in life but being a good partner.

I'm just so ashamed. The self-hatred is back. Why does living hurt so much? It hurts to be in a body and it hurts to be with other people. It hurts to survive. It hurts to keep up. It hurts to leave my house. It hurts having to face shame every day. Of course, I can't tell Jayson what I'm feeling right now. How could I? After what I did, Jayson might never trust me again... I just hate myself, I'm such a coward. How can I deserve a relationship when I'm this much of a mess... I have no one but myself in the end. It's me being a mess, not my anxiety or my childhood. I can apologize for that mess ad nauseam but the mess hasn't cleaned up. No one's gonna force me to clean, no one's going to hold me accountable. I will get no comfort from being a mess.

There's something wrong with me... Why can't I be normal? Why am I busted? I just ruin everything good I have with the way I am. My talents, my past successes, and all my efforts will never be enough. We are put on this earth to survive, survive with each other. You are responsible for playing by the rules.

I just want to feel better...

[popcornforone]

The Innocent Boyfriends Fics:- A Driven Lunch

Different innocent boyfriend today for reasons some of you will know. Mainly fluff, some implied stuff but that’s all in your mind.

His season over. He’s been driving all year & it’s been a tough one but it’s over. He’s actually proud of what he did in the car but now it’s time to recharge & focus on his next chapter & that also means focusing a lot more on his relationship with you.

He doesn’t share his personal life like the rest of the grid & you do like the fact that there’s some anominity for you, even with Netflix having filmed in your flat a few times. No ones bullying you on Insta or other social media. He every now & then likes your post & youre often next to him in a dinner picture that he will put up, but you do have friends that don’t realise you’ve been dating the most eligible single man in the world of sport for a year now & youd quite like them to meet him.

You’re busy making lunch when you get his txt. he’s had to do some end of season training & press, now it’s all over for another 100 days. The txt simply says I’m in your country my love do you want to go for a drive at some point? 🥰

You leave the msg read for a few mins as you try to compose yourself . The last time you saw him in person was Mexico 6 weeks ago when he took you to the day of the dead festival after the race. You also know he hates it when you don’t reply instantly. You then reply as long as it’s not racing against each other yes please babes. You put the phone down & continue to make your lunch.

Your phone the rings from him & you look at it confused, he only rings if something is wrong. It’s usually a face time if he wants to talk, often you’ve stayed up late & talked each other to sleep in a soothing way. You answer & he goes “you should be receiving a delivery from me my love in a minute but it needs to go in your garage can you open it for me?” . “ & it’s nice to speak to you too” you hum. “Yea I can do that how soon is it?” But he hangs up. You take off your apron & put your shoes on & head outside to unlock it. You freeze.

Outside your apartment building in the middle of the car park is this lush electric blue super car. & there he is sitting on the floor looking all lost & sweet. Hair so intense it glistens & while his smile is always contagious, for once his teeth aren’t on show. But the joy on his face to see you is unparalleled. His eyes glint at you through the late November sun.

You saunter down the stairs to him, you don’t want to seem over keen but you do just want to get him inside. Your appetite for lunch has suddenly been replaced with an appetite for something else. “This is an express delivery, not many people get their boyfriends to arrive this quickly” he says, his voice is rich & you forgot how much you love that accent & the twang. You reach him & state “well I’m not ready for a drive yet but I’d like a ride for sure”. He laughs before taking both your arms & bringing you down to the car park floor with him.

It’s a hug that solves a million things & a kiss the gets rid of both your worry’s instantly. You’re not sure how long you’ve been in the embrace when you eventually come to, but it’s been a while. “Well I’d best actually park this in your garage” he jokes stroking your cheekbones “I’m sure your neighbours will freak out if they see this here” you throw him the garage keys “don’t take too long parking it” you respond “I don’t want this to affect my appetite”. “Ooh you’ve made lunch?” he lifts an eye down as you both stand up & he takes your hand soothing your knuckles. “Well yes but I’m very hungry & thirsty now. I think the menus changed” & you walk back up stairs & leave the doors unlocked for him to follow you in. You sigh as you get to your door. This is going to be a very interesting snack indeed & you can’t wait to get stuck in.

[the-firebird69]

So we ordered the guy gone and what comes out of their mouths but we're going to sit here because the trash is out protecting us and he's mumbling that right now so going after him and we're going to hit him. I'm going to make sure he stays hit let me hit him all the time we're going to send him off on his little missions and he's going to get killed everyday until we don't have to deal with this crap of his I'm right about something this guy next door had to go a long time ago and he's always fishing around for stuff is a jerk and he's an a****** and a miscreant and a loser mostly he's a miscreant and a loser and I don't want him around our son so I'm putting orders out there now and I'm sending them out now

Thor Freya

What we got going on today our movies and we're starting off with is Neo series cuz he works over to Santa Clarita and there's a bunch of movies going on out there that people are moving towards this area using and finding each other believe it or not there's huge groups now really cuz it's done butt f*** was talking about it and one of his characters is Governor newsom but there's this guy out there already and they're fighting and a huge groups out there fighting of about 10 septillion and every hour 100 is so civilian are gone and dead and missing they called a missing too and it's going to the worm it's something that has to do if he's going to take it over but he hasn't reached it yet so he's kind of in a panic and he's trying to figure out if Billy is he is there he can't so fighting and people are trying to figure out what his bills is doing and it's a war that's probably 100,000 people a day leaving Florida to go there cuz they see how important it is now that they could take down below and become Tommy f but with the worm nobody would be able to go down there. That's what we're going to use it for and blame others once they see the matrix so say oh they're professionals. And it's their own cloning facilities with single coming out so they think it's them. And they're all going to go out there today. What movie are we up to. Well Neo is going to start as series. And my husband's whose wife says I think it starts with Roadhouse and it probably starts with hard knock kick her 5150 but why would it be the sidecar s*** and then Thor Freya says that it's because of the chopper store and the movie raised in Arizona or raising Arizona is today and it's raising Arizona and it is on they go there and they don't find anything cuz they're idiots they can't find a store and they end up going to Britain to try and get the copyright to sell the bikes and to take over the company that's what they're thinking like like our son supposedly thinks that way how they think nowadays. Right oh in the UK okay sure there's only one person than me from them and that would be Jerry chasse say senior. And you're a loser Connie says I want you dead you're such a piece of s*** you flushed our act years ago you God damn piece of s***. Thank God for Peter I mean what the f*** is wrong with you you had an actual shotgun with him they both were fine speaking real quiet watching you're a dead man you know what happened to me gone thank God what a weird funeral that would be well he's gone he's gone yeah. I don't have a have a nice time with brand new house.. you piece of s*** we hated you after that Connie says and Peter too and Peter's a shooter and you're dead from what you said what you're saying we don't care anymore you got to go get out of there. So really today the beginnings of Roadhouse was raised in Arizona and the video occurs in the UK sidecar racing on hard knock kicker 5150 bikes.

Hera

Zues

There's a big huge eclectic group of sidecar racers out there they do a professionally too and the old on the old ones it's a bunch of companies that produce the old style bike and hard not kicker of 5150 I just wants to make it come back and you don't want to admit them in the race cuz they always suck they're way too slow and they get lapped and laughed at he says good we'll be insignificant and people will buy it because they think that they can get around and people notice or care and that's why they sell but they don't want them on the track but they force their way in it's another reason they'll get killed after the race of course and see it's abysmal still. And Dan is into it by the way he's an a****** too but holy s*** Trump is way worse and it's going to go after Dan oh boy that makes so much sense. No our nephew heads up last part and here we go its words what a wonderful bunch so you don't know and you're missing words so you don't know what was really said. And it drives you nuts so today we're looking at getting rid of these idiots and they're going to go out of Arizona and drive around I already driving around in a hostile rage. And the chopper company is supposed to be originating out there in Arizona so he says good luck finding it it'll probably beat each other up. And the races in the UK I usually someone informal even if they're professional and the sidecar races are professional I mean they have like this circuit and they all race it and it's all these old bikes and it's really crazy to watch and someone really slow like the hard knock kicker is or was and he says would be because it's still use the same motors you look like a bunch of losers and they really are but it's not meant to be like real competition they just doing it for the fun of it and you can see them smiling and laughing afterwards I think that guy with the biplane and one of these Pharaoh movies drinking beer while he's racing I mean come on that's what they're doing but these people think it's seriously cuz I'll tell you what they're a bunch of losers and can't figure it out and I think it's seriously when they get lapped. And people are supposed to take them seriously because they're taking themselves seriously I'll tell you what that starts a lot of fights they want him out of there so get out of here then he'd racing the race but she doesn't want to be in the sidecar even if she's a demon it's kind of funny no no no tends to fat even though you said yes Ken is too fat get out cuz you think doesn't even move me and he said the last part for Christ is going to be entertainment they're going to go out there and lose a race go after each other and get the s*** kicked out of them while they're doing it she was poor song going to Roadhouse he says it does lead into point break because of the crew and what they're up to and that a bar doesn't bring in enough money we got that too you guys are idiots it's like the same crew that's all you can tell

Mac Daddy

[formulane]

Alone in this

Max Verstappen x Reader

Fluff, friends to lovers

Word Count: 3,525

Disclaimer: Hey! It’s my first time writing anything and English is not my first language, so please bear with me if there are some mistakes. This story has just been living in my head for the past year and I thought I’d try it here. Hope you enjoy it!

These post-race afterparties are usually held at some 5-star luxury hotel’s rooftop bar and today is no exception. A few hours ago Max got a step closer to becoming the world champion again, but that was honestly one of the last things on his mind. He couldn’t even pay attention to Victoria, who was eagerly telling him what Lio had done in the past week. It’s not that he didn’t care about his nephew - he loved him to bits and it was amazing that his family was here in Italy to support him. It’s just that lately there was hardly room for anything else except for her on his mind.

Everything she did looked so effortless. The way she lifted Jaye up and spun her around the dance floor, the way she moved to the beat, the way she made everyone around her feel light and… happy. It’s like she fits everywhere perfectly. Max was just mesmerised by everything she did and he just couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes off her.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight - she was dancing her heart out with his little sister at some fancy-ass afterparty, not having a care in the world. She had taken off her heels like half an hour ago when she realised it’s absolutely impossible to keep up with an 8 year old while wearing these. They were currently doing a routine to Boney M’s “Sunny”, with Jaye showing her all the moves and her following each and every one of them.

Occasionally, she glanced at Max and motioned him to join them. He loved it when she looked at him like that, full of hope and grinning from ear to ear. It made him feel like maybe he wasn’t alone in this. But every time, he just smiled in return to their invitation and shook his head no, although he would have terribly wanted to go there and enjoy her company. It’s just that he couldn’t let himself fall that deep - if he went there now, dancing with her and his baby sister, it would all feel awfully real. It would feel like she was actually his. And he couldn’t let himself drown too deep into that feeling, because in all honesty, he wasn’t so sure he would have the strength to swim up to reality afterwards.

To be fair, Max had never felt anything like that before. He tried pushing his feelings away for far too long until he understood that there’s literally nothing he can do to keep her from living in his mind rent free. It would have been bearable if it was anyone else, he would just make sure to ignore the person until he forgot them. But with her working at Red Bull in Milton Keynes and traveling with the team for every single race made it absolutely impossible to do that.

As everyone who has ever had an encounter with Max knows, he is really used to getting everything he wants. He has had his fair share of relationships, both good times and bad, but this was something totally new. With every past relationship, he had known what he wanted and well, in short, got it. He had never gotten no for an answer. With half of those girls he wasn’t sure to this day, whether it was because of him as a person or the fact that he’s in the world’s biggest money making sport. But with her… Oh, with her it was something entirely different. She makes him feel like there are no other people on the planet except for them and nothing else matters. And it frightens him.

Max has never felt as vulnerable as he feels now. He absolutely hates it, hates the feeling to guts. For as long as he can remember, his dad has taught him that being vulnerable is the worst thing that could happen to a person. That’s not how real men function and that’s definitely not how you become the champion of the world. But well, now he is the world champion, probably double in a weeks time, and he still feels like that. Because of a girl? Pathetic. How fucking pathetic. Maybe it’s normal? Or even good?

He takes a sip of his beer while his eyes are still glued to the dance floor. It must have been an hour now since they went dancing and Max is surprised that they were both showing no signs of tiredness. And for the entirety of that time, he has probably said like two words and kept his eyes glued to her. He must look like an utter creep right now, but-

“You do know you look like a total creep right now, right?”

Max forces himself to look at Victoria for a moment. To be fair, he absolutely forgot that she’s here and that they’re at a party. A party which in its essence was organised to celebrate his win. And there’s probably tens or hundreds of people here who would want to have a chat or just congratulate him, but he just can’t force himself to go talk some stupid empty bullshit with people he doesn’t even care about, when it means he could miss these wholesome moments in front of him. So he just turns his glance back to his two favourite ladies on the dance floor. The music has changed, a slower melody is playing and Jaye is now standing on her toes while she’s teaching her how to waltz.

“You have nothing to say? You just want to keep on looking like a perv until someone else points it out?”

Max sighs loudly and turns himself fully to Victoria.

“What is there to say? Or what do you want me to say? Huh?”

“Have you told her you’re in love with her yet?”

Max takes another sip of his beer. He is not in a mood to discuss this with Victoria right now. Or maybe ever. 

This is actually the very first time she has bought it up. Everyone probably knows and sees how Max is feeling anyway. A few months ago, Daniel made a joke about him trailing after her like a lost puppy every weekend and he got so mad he didn’t text him back for weeks, which is actually very unusual for them. After that, Dan learned that she is a delicate matter and not a topic to bring up with him right now.

“You’re delusional Vic, there’s nothing to tell. I’m just happy Jaye is enjoying her evening here, that’s all.”

Victoria lets out a loud laugh.

“I honestly don’t understand what your problem is. When will you pull your head out of your ass and finally stop sabotaging your happiness? She clearly feels the same for you, Max!”

Max sighs and looks down at his hands holding the green glass beer bottle in his lap.

“You literally don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You two have been stealing glances back and forth the whole evening and I’ve only been with you for a couple of hours. I can’t even imagine how smitten you two look every weekend and how oblivious you both are to the fact that you are in love with each other. Remind me to ask Daniel for the latest gossip, I’m sure he’ll agree with everything I just said.”

Max sighs again, for the hundredth time that evening. He is in no mood to go down that road with his sister right now.

“Vic, it’s not that simple, I-”

“What is so complicated then? I really do want to understand. Have you talked to her about your feelings? You know that mom thinks you already have a new girlfriend and that it’s more serious than ever because of the way you’ve been acting these past 6 months. She just assumes you’re not ready to tell us just yet.”

Max can’t keep that stupid smile from creeping to his face. His mom has always known him like the back of her hand. But he still thinks he can brush it off and bury the topic.

“Our mom is crazy and you know it.”

“Stop avoiding my questions, Max!”

He quickly checks the dance floor once more, making sure she’s still there and is not going to hear anything he will say next, before turning back to his sister. He is on the verge of spilling everything and at this point, and frankly, he doesn’t really care anymore.

“I.. Okay, fuck it. I haven’t told her anything. And for the record, I don’t plan to either. There’s too much on stake and I don’t want to ruin the friendship we have. I have some stupid little feelings and I’m going to get over them.”

Max knows his feelings may be stupid (well at least in someone’s opinion), but they’re in no way little. He has been feeling like this for a long time now and the longer he thinks about burying his emotions down, the more impossible it seems to him.

“Max, sorry for what I’m about to say, but you are such a fucking idiot sometimes. What ruining the friendship crap are you on about, I have never seen you this afraid of confronting someone and speaking about your feelings. Why do you want to overcomplicate things for the first time in your life? Why can’t you let yourself be happy? You need to think less with your pea sized brain and do what your heart tells you to do. Just like you usually do.”

At this point he can’t even be angry at her, he just can’t help but laugh at that. He knows Victoria is right and for the first time in his life, Max is going above and beyond to overcomplicate something that is supposed to be the easiest thing in the world.

“I.. actually don’t even have anything smart to say back.”

Now it’s Victoria’s turn to laugh.

“Exactly, listen to your big sister for once. No but really, Max, please think about talking to her. There’s no use to torture yourself like that, if you don’t do it, you’ll be forever thinking about what could have been. And beating yourself up about not trying.”

Max knows she’s right and that there’s no point in arguing with his sister even more. Sooner than later he has to talk to her about it. He takes the final sip of his beer and puts the empty bottle on the table.

“I know, Vic. I will when I’m ready.”

Just as he sits back on the sofa and turns his head up, he sees her reaching their booth with Jaye. Her hair is a mess and her forehead is a bit sweaty from all the dancing, but she still looks as beautiful as ever to him.

“Look who finally remembered that I’m here as well? Have you totally forgotten about your big sister, Jaye?” Victoria pulls the little girl to her lap and starts tickling her.

“It’s your mistake you didn’t come, Victoria,” Jaye giggles. “It was so much fun. She taught me so many new dances and I taught her some that I have learned in ballet. But we got tired.” Jaye yawns and puts her head down on Victoria’s shoulder, while her eyes slowly start to get heavy.

At the same time, she plops down on the sofa next to Max and takes a deep breath. Just as Jaye leaned on Victoria, she leans her head on Max’s shoulder and he can feel his heart starting to warm.

“That was quite the dance marathon you two had there,” Max chuckles as he puts his hand around her shoulders and hugs her close. “Thank you for spending time with Jaye. I think she had the time of her life.”

“Ah, don’t be silly, Max, I loved it. I honestly don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. You definitely need to invite Jaye to more races if Jos lets her come.”

“I will keep that in mind. Just make sure you don’t start spending more time with my sister than with me.”

She looks up from his shoulder and smiles at him.

“Never.”

He smiles down at her and he swears he’d give anything to kiss her right then and there.

“Good. Do you want to have another drink? Or is the dancing queen too tired and would like to call it a night?”

She quietly yawns at the thought of sleeping and takes her phone from her bag to check the time.

“I think I’m actually going to head off. I saw from Instagram that Charlotte came here to see the race, so I really want to say hi to her quickly before leaving.”

“Okay, well let’s find her and then get the hell out of here.”

“Oh, no way, Max, you should say. This party is literally here for you.” She chuckles and takes a sip from her near empty drink from the table. “I really don’t want to burden you or drag you away from here.”

If only she’d know that Max has waited for the last few hours for this god awful party to end. Well, the party is actually not that terrible, but he’d much rather give it all away to spend even 5 minutes alone with her. So he leans down close to her ear and whispers:

“I would actually appreciate it a lot if you’d give me an excuse to leave here. I’ve had enough of the buzz for today.”

She chuckles at that and shakes her head.

“If you say so. I’m going to go find Charlotte quickly and then meet you at the bar, okay?”

“Works for me. Don’t be too long.”

He reluctantly takes his hand from around her to let her put her heels back on and say goodbye to his sisters, after which she dives into the pool of people at the rooftop bar. He tries to follow her with his eyes for as long as possible but after a few seconds she’s nowhere to be seen.

_______

They now sit in comfortable silence in the Aston Martin, after having their usual post-race change of thoughts. Usually, Max gets the car alongside with a personal driver from the team, but today was an exception. For which he is really grateful now, because it means he gets some uninterrupted alone time with her. She’s staring out of the window towards the setting sun and Max tries to focus on the road ahead, but can’t help himself to steal glances at her relaxed figure. 

Their hotel is actually more towards the city, but since they hadn’t eaten anything after the race, they decided to take a quick trip towards Lake Como and have dinner there. Their tiredness is long forgotten after leaving the party and an authentic Italian meal sounded just like something they need right now. They’re almost there and for the entirety of the car ride, Max has thought about his chat with Victoria.

She whips out her phone and starts looking for the menu of the restaurant they’re headed to. It’s something she always does, so Max is used to hearing every little detail about every single dish on the menu that she can find from the Internet. 

“I think I’m going to get pasta. I’m craving something creamy, so a Carbonara sounds in-cre-di-ble. Or maybe pizza. Oh, but their salads look so good as well.. and I definitely want a dessert. Max, they have panna cotta on the menu! Can we share everything?” she says enthusiastically while scrolling the menu on her phone. He chuckles at that and nods.

“Of course, baby. Anything you want.”

The pet name just slips. God knows he has thought for hours or even days about having to call her his one day, of all the pet names he’d give her, but never once has he said something like this out loud. He has just been too much in his own thoughts for the past 30 minutes and didn’t fully come back to reality.

She takes in a sharp breath and stays silent for a minute. Max thinks that he has fucked it up. Fucked it up tremendously. Why the hell would he say something like that out of the blue? To his best friend? 

But after a moment that seems to last forever, she puts her small hand on Max’s large one which is resting on the gear stick. 

Max can’t describe what comes over him right then and there but he has this overwhelming feeling of wanting to pour all his thoughts out and tell her exactly how he feels. Maybe the gesture from her is the last push and encouragement that he needed to come to the conclusion that he will never, ever be able to suppress these feelings and his longing to be with her is more powerful than anything else he has felt. Ever.

He brings the car to a stop near the lakeside and turns the engine off. He can feel her eyes on him, but he doesn’t dare to turn his glance to her, not right now. He just thinks that if he did, he’d probably want to kiss her right this moment, but he still has some things he wants to get out first.

“Is everything okay, Max? Why did we stop here? The restaurant is a few minutes from here.”

“Let’s get out of the car for a moment, I want to show you something.”

The place they’ve arrived to is quite magical, although he had no intentions on stopping right there. It has an amazing view of the lake and as they get out of the car, she gasps at the sight and walks straight towards the shore and puts her hands on the railing.

“Wow… We’re spending our days and nights on a random circle made of pavement smelling oil fumes when this is just 40 minutes away? I can’t believe it! Max, this is absolutely beautiful! Remind me to convince you to go exploring with me more when we’re travelling.”

Max doesn’t really need any convincing though, he would instantly do anything she wants whenever she wants it. He’s hooked. 

Max stands a few steps behind at first and slowly walks towards her until he is so close there are only millimetres separating his chest from her back. He wraps his hands around her middle and nests his head in the crook of her neck. Just like in the car, she inhales sharply and her breath hitches. Max waits for a second for her breathing to go back to normal and her body to get used to his embrace. He can feel she is holding herself back, but he tightens his grip around her a bit to let her know he is not going anywhere.

“Please breathe, baby…”

She lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes. They stand there like that for a moment, until Max breaks the silence.

“I’ve wanted to tell you something for a while now.”

He slowly turns her around is his arms to face him. God, she’s beautiful. 

“And what would that be?” she asks him, speaking so quietly it’s hardly a whisper.

“I have been trying to push away my feelings for you for the last six months. I know it sounds cliche but you literally never leave my mind. And- and I thought I can just bury these feelings because I was afraid, afraid of having this kind of connection with someone. I don’t want to get hurt. I hate being vulnerable, so I pushed it all away.

But I realised today when you were dancing at that party with Jaye that I don’t want to keep myself from being the happiest I’ve ever been. I want you to know how in love with you I am, how much I want you to be a part of my life and how badly I want you to be mine.”

Max is out of breath after rambling everything out and now he’s anxious, because he can’t quite read the expression on her face. It’s a weird feeling, Max has never been anxious. Not in difficult racing situations and definitely not with a girl. He has always been the one who can not be shaken by feelings. But that’s probably what makes it real right now with her. 

She looks down at her hands for a moment and exhales a breath she has been holding in the whole time. Max takes his one hand to lift up her chin and forces her to look at him. She finally looks up with watery eyes.

“I thought I was alone in this.”

Max lets out a relieved breath and he swears he has never smiled that big in his life. Not when getting pole positions, not when winning races, not when winning the championship. Not ever. He knows he probably looks like an utter fool right now, just grabbing her face in his hands and forcing their foreheads together, while still smiling from ear to ear. 

She is now smiling as well and a few happy tears have escaped her eyes. Max tries to wipe away the tears quickly.

“How could you think that? At times I thought I’m so obvious that even Helmut freaking Marko can tell I’m head over heels for this girl!”

Her smile grows even bigger and she throws her head back in laughter. Max swears this is the only sight he wants to see for the rest of his life. But he can’t wait any longer, not when he has already wasted so much time being an idiot and not acting on this sooner.

He leans down and presses his lips to hers and instantly feels the hunger for her inside him rise. He can’t hold back the growl that escapes from him when her left hand travels to his neck and the right starts softly pulling on his hair. his hands start roaming her body and he thinks he has to pull away soon, or else he won’t be able to control himself anymore. The kiss grows hungrier and hungrier by the second and all Max can think about is how much lost time he has to make up now. How could he forbid himself this, her the whole time?

Reluctantly, she finally pulls away and a whine escapes from Max. They are both breathing heavily and from the way she is leaning on Max, it seems that her legs will give out any moment if they continue their make out session like this.

“I think I don’t want to go to that restaurant anymore.”

Max laughs at that and pecks her lips once more.

“Me neither. You have to hold me back and remind me not to go double over the speed limit on our way back because there’s nothing more I want right now than to be back at that hotel with you.”