#look at the eavesdropping twink

[bee-birb]

[captain-amadeus]

Good morning STF fandom King Roland giving Sofia the amulet as a welcome gift and telling her to get some rest for princess school tomorrow which will teach her everything she needs for the ball which he is very looking forward to and Miranda saying everything is going to be just fine and giving Sofia a kiss on the head

[occamstfs]

No Need to Apply

Here is my 1K special! Though admittedly it is nothing much out of the ordinary- Thanks to everyone who submitted prompts but especially the anonymous suggestion that spurred this transformation of a desperate twink into a cocky slob! -Occam

Brock really needed a lucky break. He had been staying with his ex since they ended it, but now that he’s sleeping with someone it’s clear that Brock needs to get his own place. Unfortunately the market is not being quite so accommodating to his urgent needs. Given that he is now to be living alone it’s evident he also needs the place on the cheap. He had been denied all reasonable accommodations that he could afford and was beginning to contemplate moving back in with his parents when he suddenly received an email from an apparent realtor he’d never met.

It was an invitation to an open house at some ritzy downtown apartment that he was sure was out of his price range. Rather than just tossing it to his spam folder though, he finds himself looking at the handful of images with a voracity, whether it’s simple curiosity or a fantasy to have such clearly luxurious housing Brock reads through the whole listing. Reaching the end of the invitation and looking at the specs he finds the rent impossibly labeled as just under half his monthly paycheck.

Nearly spitting up coffee all over himself in shock, Brock’s eyes flutter to find exactly when and where this open house was. Surely the demand for this place would box him out but god wouldn’t it be nice to just check it out and dream. He sends an RSVP and far too quickly the realtor, Lucas, thanks him for his prompt response, wishes him well, and signs off saying see you soon. Brock went about the rest of his day as normal, if not a little cheerier than he’s been for some time as he keeps finding his mind drift to that almost-too-perfect apartment’s view over the city.

Fortunately off from work the next day, Brock took the bus to the open house, stopping by his favorite cafe that just so happens to be nearby. He grabs a drink and finds himself preoccupied with thoughts of what a convenience, what a windfall, this break would be. He heads inside and takes the elevator up to the suite and hesitates before entering at the door. Odd that there is no one else here, he double checks the room and floor and puts his ear to the door to see if perhaps other visitors are inside already.

In his untrained attempt to eavesdrop he puts his weight squarely against the door, pushing it open and stumbling in, nearly spilling his coffee over the pristine floors as he crosses the threshold into the apartment. Light streams in through the blinds, only magnifying the manicured state of the spotless room around him. The floor is clean enough to see his reflection, mouth agape, staring at how impossibly clean the apartment is. The only record at all that the place had ever been lived in is the furniture that had clearly been procured by someone of great means, though one lacking any critical eye or desire for design. He sees framed posters of some real red flag movies near a large TV and some sports trophies lined on a shelf. Brock can’t help but wonder what could cause someone to leave such personal artifacts behind and feels a chill in the air. 

He wanders away from the entrance to stand at the large windows, his phone ringing as he takes in the view of his town. Answering without checking the ID he hears a man’s voice he doesn’t recognize. Though he knows this must be the mystery realtor on the line, “How do you like the place Brock?” he begins to reply before being cut off by Lucas, “Have you seen the view yet, it’s quite something else.” 

Brock feels something flicker through his mind as he gazes at the city blocks around him, below him. His eyes briefly catch on his reflection in the glass, though not long enough to see his eyelids droop slightly as he is able to reply, a tad slower than he usually likes to project, “uhh, yeah I know right, how could I not apply to live here? It’s almost too good to be true right?” There is another chill in the air and his body shivers before tensing up, shocking him back to reality and awareness to something strange afoot, “Excuse me actually, I’m so sorry, how did you get my phone number?”

Lucas clicks his tongue and speaks with an almost sickly sweet tone, “Now Brock come now, what can I do to get you to move in today?” Shaking his head in shock Brock is immediately, regardless of the clear sinister air to this man, he really cannot afford to pass up this chance. He clams up as he clambors to express interest, “No I uh! Of course I want the place, just send the lease over so I can read through it.” There is a real weight to Lucas’ words as Brock hears them, the cloying tone impressing itself on his mind, “Wonderful! That is all I needed to hear!”

It is suddenly dark in the apartment, but wasn’t he looking out the window? He can’t tell if his eyes are open or closed but he cannot see. Brock tries to move his head around to see, to feel anything, he strains his mind reaching for any muscle to flex, any tendon to pull, limbs to controt. He loses track of time and reality as he sits in the darkness, trying to grasp anything beyond his own consciousness, unable to affect anything. He feels his right hand move in a familiar way then he feels a warmth, almost a burning, completely engulfs it. He can almost see the shine of a smile, stark perfectly lined teeth that seem eerily inhuman and suddenly there is once more light. He gasps, coughs, and spits up over himself. Immediately grateful that he can feel anything at all. After feeling his body, and seeing the world almost entirely like it was before he lost consciousness, besides a copy of some contract with his name signed at the bottom.

He takes deep breaths feeling his lungs stretch and he starts to read whatever he has gotten himself into in that stupor. He reads the first few lines before he loses where he was on the page. Going again he finds his eyes suddenly dry, doing an uncharacteristically heavy blink that he can’t quite recall ever doing before and as he wonders this he again forgets his work on the contract. He slams his hand on the thigh in a rare show of aggression and gives it one last go. Brock makes even less progress this time as he is almost immediately overcome by a headache. As soon as he looks away from the sheet though, it disappears. 

Brock groans as he feels himself starting to lose control of his senses before he hears his stomach grumble, and he finds a purpose he can immediately resolve. He starts to the fridge, clearly something has happened, an episode or something, he can figure it out later, he just needs food in his stomach now. He doesn’t stop to realize that there should be no food in the fridge since no one’s been living there. Though he finds there is no need as in the fridge, under a note labeled: “To Help Moving In -Lucas,” Brock sees at least a week of prepped meals. The thought that this is bizarre beyond imagination, as well as the concern at his missing time, is immediately pushed from his mind as his stomach rumbles once more, his mouth watering as he sees his soon-to-be dinner.

Brock swiftly heats it up and begins to scarf it down, throwing something on the paying no mind or care to the thought that he’s using the account of whomever the previous tenant was. He quickly scans through seeing a handful of shows and movies that he wasn’t quite interested in before stumbling on a reality show he was watching with his Ex. He grimaces and almost loses his appetite as he thinks about his boyfriend for the first time in what feels like forever. He sets his meal down on the coffee table and crashes down onto the couch. He continues to stew in ire at his ex, palming his crotch as his feelings become more passionate. He rolls his eyes in irritation at himself and that jerk, he’s not going to masturbate to that asshole. 

He reclines in the couch and hears the sound of paper shifting in the cushions, pulling it out he finds a crusted magazine lodged in the couch. What can he do besides shout “what the fuck” and toss it across the room. How could they have possibly missed that in their cleaning? Brock’s eyes shift across the room suspiciously, though he notices nothing amiss as the room is illuminated by only the television. He looks at his hand that grabbed the porn and blushes, wanting to joke about the absurdity to calm himself down. Though his body makes its priorities known once more as his cock pulses and he looks past to see the magazine once more. He did want to masturbate to anyone besides his ex right? 

He shuffles to pick it up, the discomfort and anxiety from handling something covered in a total strangers cum only heightens his pleasure as he sits back down. He grimaces as he sees this is a real hetero-bullshit magazine, he quickly flips through to find something he can work with. His cock keeps demanding his attention as he flips through, almost impatiently pulsing as if to suggest he doesn’t need the magazine at all, just give it your attention. Though soon enough he finds an ad for some protein powder made to emasculate the reader into buying, that almost immediately helps him lose control. 

Soon after he once more fades from consciousness, his cum joining the plethora of other stains in the magazine as he tosses it behind the couch. He finds himself in a darkness that this time feels almost familiar and pleasurable. He once more feels his hand, this time though it is wet and warm. He feels it scratching in briefs that are too tight, through pubes that are too thick. He hears snoring breaking through the silence of his sleep, but that can’t be right? He would know if he snores, surely that fucker of a boyfriend would have complained. He feels his head grow warm as if he’s got a fever, though he knows it is a rage. He feels his hand feel even tighter in his briefs as his cock begins to grow in them. He continues to think of every slight his ex made, every shortcoming he was made needlessly aware of, and of how much better things are going to be now.

The heat shifts from his mind through his whole body and as light begins to break through the windows. That is not what wakes him up though, rather it is the heavy scent coming from his now sweat stained clothes. He rolls off the couch onto his face, quickly removing his hand from his briefs to catch himself, landing the stinking hand too close to his face to not smell just how loud his underwear smells. He feels his clothes sit weird on his body as he starts to rise, while his shirt just feels like it’s hanging weird, surely from the sweat, it is impossible to not see how strained his underwear is. He groans as he feels them pull strangely before he just discards them and makes his way to the bathroom. 

His eyes immediately latch onto his now exposed crotch, he does a double take as he notices that it seems distinctly larger. He also would have sworn that he shaved his pubes far more recently than it seems. He scratches through them, blushing as he sees dried cum flake off curls that are longer and thicker than he ever remembers them begin. Rather than hoping in the shower like any reasonable person would do he instead tosses on some boxers, not questioning why clothing that isn’t his would just be lying out, or why he would ever put them on. Instead choosing to focus on how right wearing them feels. He pulls them tight and turns wanting to see just how his ass and bulge fill them out, though is waylaid as his shirt blocks the view. 

He sneers as he takes off the sweat-stained shirt and tosses it to the floor, stretching high as his reeking body feels the air on his skin. He smiles in shock as he sees the body he has now exposed, he sees hair spreading across his stomach and torso and sweat dripping off of pits that were sure to stain every shirt he is to wear from now on. Beyond that he feels a body that is indisputably powerful, where there wasn’t even fat on his body before there was now muscle accompanied with weight in all the right places. His eyes then trail down to see the weightiest part of him by far as it bulges even lower in his boxers.

He feels an urge to move, to flex, to stretch, fill him as he hungrily takes in every new change in his body. His eyes trace their way past muscles contorting to land on his face, seeing a jaw that could certainly do with a shave. He sees his eager grin begin to turn into a cocky sneer as he begins to stretch once more, trying to will his torso even longer, trying to force his body even taller. His voice grows even deeper to his barely-aware ears as he closes his eyes to stretch, not seeing his throat force itself thicker and longer. There is once again a flicker in his mind as Brock is in darkness once more. Where there was once discomfort and fear there is now only hunger and an eagerness to grow even more.

He feels an itch burn across his body. He feels his hands dig deep into his pits scratching as hair grows thick enough to hold an odor that would never dissipate. He smells as even in this dreamstate he raises his hands to his nose to give them a post-scratch whiff. He feels the same itch cry out from his chest and pubes, from his lower back and his ass. He feels himself move his jaw as it squares up, a rumble in his throat as he feels his groans grow even deeper. He feels his mind thicken and slow as his muscles flex in his sleep. His arms do rep after unconscious rep as he feels biceps that should not be rub against a chest that has never been there before.

Finally he wakes one last time, his hand as it apparently always is, shoved in his pants, once more barely fitting despite wearing the spacier boxers. Brock blearily looks to see lines of takeout containers covering his coffee table. He scratches his beard using the hand from his crotch and he deeply inhales, two birds one stone after all. He sets out to get started with his day, tossing over in his head if he should masterbate again or not, a stain from a wet dream clearly showing through his boxers. Instead he throws Drake on his speakers and starts getting an early workout in, seeing to every part of his body getting a pump as he feels the hunger in his crotch grow only more urgent. 

Going about this workout Brock feels totally at home in this apartment. After all he’s lived here for? Uh? His mind empties as he looks around and sees weeks of piled up detritus and filth. He sees dirty clothes and cum stains on his couch. Looking past them there are his American Psycho and Fight Club posters, discarded underwear hanging off the latter, as well as the trophies he distinctly remembers winning back in college wrestling. He smirks and flexes tilting his head to sniff his pit. Beyond feeling at home in his apartment he also feels unequivocally at home in this, in his body, duh. He jumps to his feet with ease, his stomach rumbling as he once more goes to meet a basal need.

Throwing some of his favorite protein powder in a blender with some milk and eggs he hears his phone go off. There are a string of messages from some bitch asking him to come back and for the life in him Brock can’t remember who that little fucker is? Hearing his shake finish blending he stares at the profile picture of whoever this twink is as he starts to down it, wiping his lips on his sweaty arm as needed. The twink he doesn’t know calls him Brock and his eye twitches, ugh. Why is this dude calling him by his, uh? Is that his middle name? Or no he was Brock right?

He finishes the shake, tossing the blender onto the pile of dishes in the sink and his mind finds itself deeply conflicted. As ever though, his body is more than happy to assuage him, the phone vibrates once more and his cock begins to bring him clarity, demanding his attention once more. Brock’s a little bitch name. He smirks as he looks around at his sty of an apartment, not remembering how neat it once was. Peeking from under a particularly dirty dish there’s a contract that he remembers that he meant to have a look at. 

Bringing it to his face however he simply can’t find the motivation to even start. Why worry about this when he can masturbate, or fuck maybe he can get that whiny bitch to come over? His eyes trail to the end of the paper and see his signature, written clear as day “Adam.” He guffaws at this, god how stupid can you be, he basically forgot his own name after that twink called him uh, whatever that bitch name was. He feels his crotch grow tight again, that is kinda hot though? He moans to himself, pawing at his crotch and texts whoever this man is his address and to come ready to fuck. Adam feels no real attachment to whoever it is, nor should he, a hole is a hole after all. Saying that thought he can’t help but feel this hole is due to be taught a lesson.

If you enjoyed this I also recommend @fredwkong's The Voice in Your Head which explores a similar idea in quite a unique and captivating way!

[jrueships]

tag yourself as some of my favorite players except if you can tag yourself, you may need help . Ignore the pronouns lol

Jaboobi

doesn't know how to hold a proper conversation if it doesn't involve at least one special interest

picky eater

do NOT interrupt when in the middle of doing one out of the many favorite monotonous tasks, WILL kill you

still has to hold mommy's hand when nervous

kills people who call sports 'sportsball'

actually really nice when not pissed off 24/7

' i don't have anger issues and to show how i don't have anger issues, i am going to roll this Giant Boulder over a Small Village.'

adopts random things/people when he doesn't know what to do with his life

Gay Bear

Says eep

Finds the lack of an amygdala extremely attractive

Considered a vip at furcon

Voted best babysitter in hometown, should be a school teacher if the economic state of the world wasn't corrupt

Repeats jokes that fail until someone pity laughs, will frantically look around to find anyone who might find it funny

Unironically exclaims 'it's so preppy in here!!!'

Should wear a shirt that says 'warning, will leap into your arms when frightened and WILL expect the catch to be bridal style on the whim'

Nba youngboy

' i can say 'OMG' bcs 'OMG' to me isn't an insult to God, it is my Friend'

Invites himself to parties

Eavesdrops with eyes as big as saucers and mouthing surprise. Shocked to find out his spying has been discovered

Will argue with you while holding a popsicle in the hot sun

Shameless when it comes to the opportunity of social media account growth

Would ask a stranger if they had a hysterectomy because they give hysterectomy vibes

Tried to use an egg as a drum and was surprised when it cracked

Gamer Twink

Kink is people that could kill him

Over-the-top filters over any image taken by a camera is more useful and used than oxygen

Has to do The Thinker pose when thinking

If he can't have his daily little treat or life reward for being alive on earth, considers k*lling himself

Never knows what's going on until he hears one word of what could be news and then acts like he was the primary witness at the scene

'I do really good voice impressions, wanna hear?' 'Not rea-' 'hi im spongebob'

Says 'ggs' after sex

Drew

'Skibidi toilet rizz!'

Will make a random sound. Look at you in morbid silence. Waddle away

Texts using only a single pointer finger while squinting

that one Tiktok of that one ruff n tumble man who lives in the desert and acts very disgruntled by the fact that he has now adopted a stray kitten who's crawled into his trailer, ignoring the fact that he's immediately spoiled it with a million toys and the best food, water, and care possible

Has to be euthanized to be stopped from telling people 'don't fall in' when they say they have to go use the toliet

' not reading that, sorry, not reading that, sorry, ... squeak now or forever hold your cheese ? LOL! liked :] ! ...not reading that, sor-'

Behind those beautiful doe eyes.. is a man so horny ..

Reeses Puffs

Considers 'ya'll' a worthy word to be written in all essays

Hates being hugged but loves giving hugs

Mystified by magic shows

Superhero media lover till he dies

Walks into random conversations already laughing then asks 'what's up :D!! What's funny! What are we talking about :D!!' After the people go silent bcs who tf is this

People think he's innocent from his humor but is actually very messy and lovesss listening to drama

Refers to his pets as his children

Doesn't know what a vacation is

Poo Dirt

' im not going to speak to you.. im just going to Stare at you. And hope. You are a telepath.'

Wants a bad gf but would fumble her so badly

Thinks beastmode is still a thing in 2024

Has like two friends in his phone. The rest of the texts are from his family

Quietly clingy

Scary looking bitch who is actually quite soft and enjoys watching a good episode of bluey after work

'Hey guys' *chat dies*

Doesn't know how to end conversations. Just kind of. Wanders off

Faggant

Having sex with himself would fix him

Doesn't know how to admit when he likes new things. Has to make fun of it first

Would move mountains for a goth bitch

Just Laughs and automatically agrees to things when he doesn't know wtf you're talking about

'Imma be honest... i stopped listening to what you had to say and started thinking about how quiet this restaurant got after that one noisy ass messy ass etiquette lacking ass family left 35 minutes ago, sorry'

Gets ice cream at crumbl cookie

Gets lost going to crumbl cookie

Doesn't want to say anything about that

Jdumb

Used to be that one kid who would immediately t-pose when he recognized his friend in the hallway

^ weird

His fashion and hair IS his emotional state right now

Haahahaa :]!! *face drops* im going to Kill you.

Attends the movie theater in full-out cosplay

'Milk does not belong in cereal'

^ sicko

[innytoes]

Inny rewatched JATP 1-3

Happy JATPversary, phantoms! I'm doing a rewatch and I have many stupid thoughts.

Episode 1:

-Ray Molina is a silver fox and I'd take a ride in his mini-van if you know what I'm saying

-the body language Jeremy Shada gives Reggie even when he's not the main focus is still so on point and I just... want to hug him.

-I do love that Caleb is just like: I don't care it's 2020 I'm gonna walk around in a goddamn cape and tophat because my aesthetic is better than yours

-Also the up and down glance he gives Alex like: Hmm, 90s twink.

-Not me crying at Wake Up like it's the first time I'm watching

Episode 2:

-I love how when the boys go to eavesdrop on Julie, Reggie and Luke stand on their toes and Alex kind of... has to duck down.

-Julie's purple sweater outfit is so underrated and looks so soft.

-Reggie making snow angels on the bed my beloved. Also 'butterflies and glitter' will never not be funny.

-Alex being like 'I am sorry for them being menaces' and immediately turns around to be a menace and mess with Julie's things. He is just as big of a himbo as them.

-In episode 1, when Julie's looking at the instruments in the loft, the keyboard makes a sound just like the other instruments and in Bright we see Reggie playing the keyboard and GIVE ME THE SUNSET CURVE SONG ROCK BALLAD REGGIE PLAYS PIANO

Episode 3:

-The European in me is so confused by spirit rallies. Also, wtf why would you hype up all your students and then send them to class? Do you think you're getting anything done the next hour???

-Alex and Willie meetcute is still good and they're so awkwardly wanting to keep talking because CUTEBOY and Willie is sooo trying to signal like 'hello I'm gay.' Like the whole 'photo with Marylin' thing.

-Also the 'who's we' at 'shouldn't we be in heaven' because Willie is like: oh no trust me I'm not going there in fact I'm already kind of in hell don't worry about it.

-Okay but what were they talking about that Alex learned the phrase 'get woke these are sensitive times' from Willie?

[radialarch]

it has taken me four years but gf getting into mdzs has finally allowed me to finish watching cql, so let me present this:

lan wangji does not want to be chief cultivator

wangji super doesn't want to "have responsibilities" and "be dutiful to the sect" and "live an austere life", because he tried that once & then decided none of it mattered as much as being by wei wuxian's side

wangji, however, loves lan xichen

lan xichen reasonably does need time to recover from killing his murdery schemy boyfriend; wangji isn't going to deny him this

so lan wangji can't go traipsing about the world until lan xichen is ready to handle leading gusu lan again

and maybe it would help lan xichen if there were, hypothetically speaking, some dimpled twinks around cloud recesses who could soothe a broken heart

flash to: wei wuxian six months later hearing at a tavern that hanguang-jun has been discreetly soliciting (!) beautiful (!!) men (!!!) to come to cloud recesses

oh? what is lan zhan up to, wei wuxian thinks. and what's this talk of dimples? surely lan zhan isn't into dimples. surely wei wuxian would know

does he have dimples, wei wuxian wonders, squinting into a mirror, poking a fingertip into his cheek. mo xuanyu's cheek? but he's earned the right to these dimples by now. he's worked hard for them.

there's only one thing to do, he decides. he's a beautiful man, right? he'll go to cloud recesses and find out what lan zhan's up to. everyone's wondering about it; it's almost a public service.

so wei wuxian gets on his donkey and wanders toward gusu. the trip takes him three weeks. he stops at markets when the wares catch his eye: a new ribbon for his hair, a fine rippling robe that reminds him of water. he tells himself it's about blending in. how else is he to sneak into cloud recesses with a horde of other men?

okay, so maybe it's not a horde. but one can't deny there seems to be a great many smooth-faced young men going about the streets of caiyi town.

wei wuxian stables apple in an inn and settles down to a productive evening of eavesdropping. one youth confides to another in having received a dinner invitation. wei wuxian squints at the letter, trying to see— surely that's lan zhan's brush strokes, crisp and neat. he has letters in that handwriting, tucked inside his robes. another complains about the fare. it was bland, he says. only water for refreshment, and nothing more flavorful than tofu. wei wuxian remembers sharing wine with lan zhan, spices burning on his tongue, and feels obscurely victorious.

anyway, the path forward is obvious: wei wuxian steals an invitation.

there's a disciple at the gate who receives him. not someone wei wuxian knows. briefly wei wuxian thinks it'd be good to see sizhui again, or even that rascal jingyi, but at least it means he gets in undetected. the disciple looks puzzled for a moment, but wei wuxian waves the invitation harder, and soon he's being led along a quiet winding path. it's odd, how the familiarity sinks into his chest. he knows these bamboo, the fresh smell of them, the rustle of the breeze through leaves. he hadn't thought he missed this place. he was always made for wandering.

he's shown into an austere room. the table is set for two. wei wuxian sets himself down and looks around, marveling. has lan zhan changed so much while he's been gone? wei wuxian thinks of rabbits, and forbidden liquor, the times he's seen lan zhan's unguarded smile. there is a softness in him that makes wei wuxian's heart clench tenderly, but you would hardly ever guess this room could hold that at all.

"wei-gongzi," a quiet voice says. "you are always welcome, but to what do i owe the honor of your visit?"

wei wuxian whips toward the voice so fast he nearly slides off his cushion. "zewu-jun?"

[beemovieerotica]

You fascinate me so much.. Will Turner and Davy Jones? Eye opening. Who are you

let me walk you through it, anon

in Dead Man's Chest, Will Turner appears on the shipwreck, and Davy Jones experiences his first gay thought.

hmm. looking respectfully!

Will says he's going to settle Jack's debt ((by joining Jones' crew)) and Jones says....

""Sorely""? ""Tempted"" ...?

Jones has been waiting on Jack's soul for an entire decade and suddenly this fresh-faced twink shows up, and he's like, "yeah, this looks good!!"

interesting.

Jack tries to convince Jones to let Will go because "Wouldn't it be sad if Will ended up with his fiance ((who is a woman by the way))"

and Jones refuses.

As a 150-year old sea captain Jones KNOWS that Will can't sail for shit.

take one look at him.

what are you gonna do with him?

tie him to the mast and---oh

...

so anyway Will needs the key to Jones' heart (don't.) and he challenges Jones by announcing it slightly above normal speaking volume. And Jones just like, walks down the steps like the belle of the ball where I guess he was eavesdropping the entire time? Waiting for Will to say his name?

Then

the rituals begin.

there is not a Heterosexual explanation for this.

they make eyes at each other and tenderly caress dice.

and the dialogue?

Jones is so smug and weird and desperate during the entire game like "haha sorry you're going to be married to me my ship:)" WHY DOES HE SAY THIS!!!

add to the fact that the stakes of the first round are:

10 years of Will's service versus releasing Bootstrap Bill forever.

Okay! so you'd take this useless twink for 10 years over infinity years of a seasoned sailor!! good to know!! priorities!!

Will wins and Jones very sadly accepts defeat, and when Will calls him back for another round, Jones pouts and CALLS HIMSELF THE DEVIL

he agrees to a second game, and the stakes are now: get Will for an eternity or fucking die.

FUCKING DIE

GIVING UP THE KEY TO YOUR HEART MEANS YOU CAN DIE, DAVY JONES.

He agrees. He wants that man.

men will literally play dice instead of being bisexual

so Bootstrap butts in and loses, and Will and Jones don't give up anything, and Jones very smugly tells Will he can leave the ship the next time they make port (never! :) )

Will does his whole thing of snatching the key and fleeing, and Jones is mad about it for 0.5 seconds, and then?

the next time Jones sees Will?

WOW... what a quick and heterosexual mood change!!

He knows that Will is literally the reason he's Beckett's dog, and yet !!!

HE WANTS HIM BACK

and then Will starts talking about his ex !!! THIRST CANCELLED!

the gayest thing he ever did was stab Will at the end of the trilogy after discovering that Elizabeth was the one he loved.

because if he had stabbed Elizabeth then he could never have Will and Will would still inhabit the world, BUT killing Will would mean nobody could ever have him!!

and he'd be free to imagine all the silly little fucked up ways Will COULD have been his!!!

Romance is sometimes hatred and sometimes stabbing, it is also an ancient weathered sea captain cursed by a goddess hoping for one ounce of passionate pleasure from a guy who can't fucking sail for shit.

I rest my case.

( there was also an end-credits scene where Jones entered Will's bedroom in the dead of night to stand over him and then left the floor sopping wet.)

[dark-elf-writes]

I know so little about Legend of Zelda, but I am so here fort hat AU based on vibes alone. I am just envisioning everyone thinking Ganon is just one lucky guy with 2 twink ass soulmates who are gentle and delicate and meanwhile he is a broken man, 'you don't understand how feral they are'.

Also him accidentally eavesdropping on Zelda and Link doing a full on battle planning meeting, very much 'if we work together we can totally take it on, it may be hard but by God we can do it' the plot is definitely against Ganondorfs monster hog.

Someone: You have the princess of Hyrule and the legendary warrior as soul mates that must be amazing!

Ganon, with a thousand yard stare: they took selfies. In front of a Lynel. That was actively charging them.

———

They take one look at Ganon and just

[kidd-corvid]

band kids ARE bad but not in the cringey way. i heard a bunch of kids complimenting someone for how good they are at outing their friends as gay.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Responses from the Opera Screencaps Captioning Quiz

Hello, everyone, and thank you for taking my quiz! I had SO MUCH fun reading your captions-- there were several times I literally started crying from laughing so hard at the amazingness of your work! With that in mind, the captions (which I will continue to add onto as more people take it):

(also, thank you to @dichterfuerstin​ for translating the German captions I got)

originally taken from: the Wiener Staatsoper’s 2020 production of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Die Entführung aus dem Serail, featuring Regula Mühlemann (center) as Blonde, Michael Laurenz (right) as Pedrillo, and an unnamed extra (left) as the Grim Reaper

Responses:

(Backstage warm-up) “ok so someone dropped the pulse”

me and my friends watching the fire burn after doing arson

Introducing the polycule to the parents

*boom* ... did...you guys hear that too?

Ma Signor !

Knight in whinging armour gone wrong, look at how he holds the egg. Polyamory with weird knight and death.

the father, son and the holy ghost are very gay

the gays meeting for brunch, 2021, colorized

chicken lady forces death and a very flamboyantly homosexual anthropomorphized pink bird to be parents of her egg (they dont want to be)

That’s just me and my friends on our night out (before covid rip)-- closest

A Good Friday night

good omens (2019)

["the pocket guide to boy/girl/mischief" meme] who's the boy and who's the mischief though????

Papageno and Papagena take their first-born egg trick-or-treating

Angry Birds - The Musical. A pig stole an egg and the bird unites with death to take revenge.

I love my bird wife

Someone got murdered during the funky chicken dance

throuple murders child and steals sibling of said child

When you and your friends have widely different tastes in literature

angel leading twink to his rightful place (hell)

draco malfoy from a very potter musical and a death eater are very much in the wrong show

What have I gotten myself into

Mlm/wlw solidarity but I’m not telling who is who

A woman stands with a pink dipshit with an egg and a reaper.

A bird-couple makes a pact with Death, sacrificing their first-born bird-child in order to bring good luck upon their unborn bird-baby

There are three types of people on Halloween:

Uh oh, I don’t think the mother hen is very happy about this...

oh god, they’ve invented seussical. It’s too early!

gay brunch

Three little maids from school are we

guys maybe if we dress gay enough we can distract everyone from the dead flapper bee in the back

those three killed a duck for her egg and are facing the conswquences.

Duck has egg with human, shocked and upset due to biological impossibility

When you bout to make a banging omelet so you invite your fellow queers

"No mortal man could pass that egg, but heaven shall repair your rectum."

originally taken from: the Salzburg Festival’s 2007 production of Hector Berlioz’s Benvenuto Cellini, featuring Maija Kovalevska (left) as Teresa Balducci, Laurent Naouri (center, in chimney) as Fieramosca, and Burkhard Fritz (right) as Benvenuto Cellini

Responses:

“In this same interlude it doth befall That I, one Snout by name, present a wall; And such a wall, as I would have you think, That had in it a crannied hole or chink, Through which the lovers, Pyramus and Thisby, Did whisper often very secretly. This loam, this rough-cast and this stone doth show That I am that same wall; the truth is so: And this the cranny is, right and sinister, Through which the fearful lovers are to whisper.” - a midsummer night’s dream, act v scene 1

"ah yes a prime specimen. see here, right in this box is our one of a kind hob goblin that can be all yours for the low low price of your soul"

what, YOU don't have a special eavesdropping chimney window?

Hänsel und Gretel plotting against the witch

man takes a wrong turn and ends up in a chimney, catches his girlfriend cheating-- closest

when you end up third wheeling the straight couple

lady cheats on her leather jacket wearing scummy boyfriend and when he unexpectedly comes home she hides the lover in the chimney

A straight girl and her gay best friend gossip about stuff idk

Idk Shakespeare?

experimental couples therapy feat. the chimney mf from mary poppins

Area Couple Inadvertently Traps Santa-in-Training in Chimney as they Attempt Rooftop Flirting

Landlords laugh over student renter's misfortune

I never asked for this

Ay yo lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

voyeurist listens to sandy and Danny from grease

Psssst! Did you hear about Susan? You won’t believe it!

lady and the tramp meets beauty and the beast?

human trafficking

And for just $30 you too could have your own tiny brick cage!

Psst I’m wearing assless chaps under this dress

A couple tortures a man in a box.

It's all fun and games being stuck in a chimney until your greasy uncle steals your crush from right above you-- okay ngl this could actually be a great Don Pasquale concept

Taking eavesdropping to the next level

Will you two stop being lovey dovey and let me out? SUMMER LOVIN, HAPPENED SO FAST— 

overhearing how people talk about you when they think they're alone puts you in the shithouse 

Does he know we can see him?

dear god, i am so fucking hungry, yall please just do whatever heterosexuals do so i can go eat a popsicle 

the human version of the trash man from sesame street is realizing that those two are going to fuck on his trash can 

Tmw you capture an angry short dude and start trashtalking him where he can hear 

Omg what if we kissed but we actually kissed the lil goblin man under us

"Remember, don't feed him after midnight"

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Leonardo Estevez (right, on fake horse) as Le Comte d’Oberthal

Responses:

“When I said we needed to drain the swamp I didn’t think there were people actually living there”

horse? what horse? no sir i dont know what horse youre referring to.

definitely don't have a napoleon complex going on

King stole La Scala‘s Lohengrin set

king breaks all his horses, has to use statue dragged by servants as transportation because he’s too kingly too walk

Emperor Söder and his subjects on a carnival procession

man on horse makes a big deal out of being on a horse

That’s not Zeffirelli because the horse is not alive

Who the fuck put a horse on the stage

isn't this that picture of napoleon on the horse

Area Count Thinks Citizens will be Intimidated by his Extremely Fake-looking Horse Statue-- closest

Everyone wants their turn on the giant plaster horse. Police are there to make sure everyone waits their turn.

Night out with the lads

Local royalty horrified at the state of his own damn kingdom

gay army fights different gay aesthetics-- hi author how does it feel to be the funniest fucking person on this quiz

Well at least I LOOK badass

ceasar if he hadn't gotten stabbed (colourised)

some soldiers jumped out of my kindergarten fairytale collection book to burn the don carlos flemish deputies at the stake

It’s just a model

Is that how you feel pulling up in your Honda Civic, Madge?

Someone rides a horse statue in public.

Just a normal party with the bros.

what is this, some kind of crossover episode? 

Terribly sorry for all the fuss, it’s just, that is, my horse is afraid of neck ruffles. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he’s—whoaaa there—he said he was a french courtier in a past life and he’s allergic to English fashion 

Horse seller, listen to me! I am riding into battle. I need your strongest horse. - We have horses at home. - The horses at home: 

All hail Incitatus the king 

we are not ripping off shakespeare’s henry viii. what the fuck. this is about lenny xi you uncultured swine, go drown in a pit of your own farts 

oh god is that hamilton 

Guy Removed From Art Museum For Sitting On Statue, more at eleven 

Gay <3

Officer: This horse... is a virgin! Crowd: *cheers*

originally taken from: the Parma Verdi Festival’s 2017 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Stiffelio, featuring Maria Katzarava (left) as Lina and Luciano Ganci (right) as Stiffelio

Responses:

That One kid in class

its a mEntAL BreAkDowN *final countdown but kazoo*

*record scratch* yeah, that's me. you're probably wondering how I got here-- closest

Dad keeps monologuing, teenager is done

left: all of my concerned friends, right: my emo ass having a very public mental breakdown

the demons in the corner of my room when im just trying to sleep

lady gets mansplained to (do i need to say more, we've all been there)

It’s probably an area baritone telling off an area soprano-- sorry; it’s a tenor. soprano is right though.

That was a fake horse in the last photo right?

child comes out as gay to father at a particularly bad time

dissociation solves everything

I can't believe it's not butter

Honey we talked about this

My sleep paralysis demon is Crowley from supernatural

child has nightmare of boring job

When you start dating a singer but he won’t stop practicing at night

just an average day in a hetero marriage

what do i do my wife's having period cramps again

Stop having an existential crisis. It’s time to sing!

“No son of mine will kin Gomez Addams under MY roof”

Crowley stares into space while a teen has post nut clarity.

When he wont stop reciting jordan peterson monologues!!

Do you realize how effed you are?

Ugh, not this lecture again! Dad’s Practicing For His Experimental Indie Band Again 

asking your parents for help with your own personal situation and them just ranting off about what they went through instead of helping in any way 

Will he shut up already!

no one tell him he’s yelling in the wrong direction, no one tell him plnsbdjddhdj 

this kid is tired of his dad listening to rush limbaugh (a man who claimed to be pro life but died anyway) 

Me internally vs externally 

Daddy issues

originally taken from: the Grand Théâtre de Genève’s 2020 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Les Huguenots, featuring several chorus members

Responses:

It’s the deadly eye Of Poogley-pie. Look away, look away, As you walk by, ‘Cause whoever looks right at it Surely will die. It’s a good thing you didn’t … You did? … Good-bye. - shel Silverstein

why the fuckith? my good sir, i beg of you to put your pants back on

I hate this itchy hat

Titanic Extras hear that they have to do extra hours

people waiting to board the titanic watch someone fall off the plank

pov: you’re a time traveler

guy in the flatcap is embarrassed by patriotism and pathos

No idea. For some reason Le Marseillaise comes to mind

Is this from Harry Potter?

disneyland main street usa workers on strike

local tries to hide behind Newsies cap to avoid unpleasant but inevitable conversations. meanwhile, some very fashionable ladies look on.

"Thank fuck, 2020 was just a dream after all"

“We gather here today because this bitch got exactly what she deserved” “heaven!” “Stfu Stephanie she’s going to hell and we all know it”-- not quite but this basically happens later on in the opera (and act) so yeah (except the person in question very much Did Not Deserve It)

dc movie filter on bridgerton

america?

looks like my history teacher paused the prohibition documentary again

Who still wears page boy hats bro?

Coming out to a room of people who Already Knew That

Bitches are relieved at some party.

Several drunk people exiting getting off the subway attempting to seem sober and rational but realizing they have somehow lost all of their possessions

How tf do I act natural in this situation-- closest

“do you think any of them noticed that I don’t know the pledge of allegiance” 

It's too fucking hot outside for this outfit 

?

when hyyh yoonkook ending just hits different 

pedestrians watch in horror as the triangle shirtwaist factory burns and the workers throw themselves out of the windows from a dozen stories up 

Starting the pledge of allegiance be like 

He's having a heart attack oh no oh god oh fuck

originally taken from: if I remember correctly, the Semperoper Dresden’s 2018 semi-staging of Johann Strauss II’s Die Fledermaus, with Jonas Kaufmann as Gabriel von Eisenstein

Responses:

“William Shakespeare wrote: "To thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day Thou canst not then be false to any man" I believe this wise statement best applies to a woman A blonde woman Over the past three years she taught me And showed us all That being true to yourself never goes out of style Ladies and gentlemen Our valedictorian: Elle Woods!” - legally blonde the musical

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

woooooorrrrd

Finally Jonas has graduated! It’s about time, considering he’s an international star.

what my professors think they look like

Prof. Dr. Dr. When someone tells him there are more than two genders

'and since you've now graduated high school, you'll be entering college etc. blablabla' .........meanwhile, there's a whole row of graduates daring each other to chug the cheap vodka one of them has brought in gallons (yes that happened at my graduation, lol)

Jonas darling baby <3-- can’t argue with that

I just realized I have no idea what the actual fuck happens in an opera

ok this one is just what jonas kaufmann always wears you can't fool me.

"as valedictorian i will share with you the importance of loving the floor"

"Yes, mother, my art degree will make me money!"

Graduation speakers are out, singers are in

Senior year takes a new meaninbg

mansplainer professor explains the concept of feminism to women

Your Prof when you finally turn in that missing assignment be like

younger boris johnson (derogatory)

jonas kaufmann retires from opera and takes up motivational speaking

What a fine graduation evening we’re having today

-70 points for slytherin you all have no swag

A man with a college hat sings.

An obviously greying actor trying to play a university student in a low-budget porn parody

How it feels to graduate high school after being held back for years

East High is a place where teachers encouraged us to break the status quo and define ourselves as we choose. Where a jock can cook up a mean crème brûlée, and a brainiac can break it down on the dance floor-

I may not have been "cool" in high school, but in ten years you will all be working for me!

I finally got my GED!

that one guy in ur intro to cultural anthropology class who mansplains to the professor somehow fucking graduated

he;s just graduating and taking his speech too serously idk

Graduation speeches with that one dude who got held back 3 times

Smrt

originally taken from: the Metropolitan Opera’s 2011 staging of Gioachino Rossini’s Le Comte Ory with Joyce DiDonato (left) as Isolier, Diana Damrau (center) as Countess Adèle, and Juan Diego Florez (right) as Le Comte Ory (disguised as a hermit)

Responses:

There is something very [disturbing grunts] About polyamorous couples - polyamorous, Chris Fleming

jinkies

femme fatale (including to herself)

I’ll have a threesome soon !

Hot guy walks by, everyone swoons.

thirdwheeling friend does not realize the other two are having sex

When your girlfriend had „just two beers“ again

jesus is exasperated about having to drag the two ladies towards doing what he needs them to do instead of purple dramatically declaring suicidal intent over the smallest trivial matters and red being equally dramatic about declaring that it's not the way! stay alive! i love you!!

The throuple is thriving

Get off the milf

orgy

my last three braincells because im a horny slut

countess receives too much love and is confused on how to react

Rasputin's lesser known romp with a much older czarina of russia

Woman's soul leaves body

Jesus and co. are worried after another woman gets pregnant without having sex

bisexual looks at photos of celebrity couples

When you go to the party to socialize with new people but your weirdo friend group starts getting clingy

Jesus cumming

one of those weird church christmas pageants but everybody's drunk

What have I done

Hozier??????????

Jesus assfucks some purple lady being hugged.

This time, the chick IS the magnet

An affair/threesome gone awry (2019 colorized)

What do you mean they canceled GLOW?

“I TOLD you it was cashmere!”

Are you wearing the - - The Gucci dress? Yes I am.

It's not what it looks like!

jesus is fucking that one cheerleader who grew up to be a suburban mom with one (1) super cool dress she stole from her kid who is desperately hugging her middle begging for it back because the spring fling is coming up and jason might actually make eye contact with her for more than three seconds.

jesus and mary magdaline and some other bitch

I’m at a bar and these drunk girls are flirting with me, do I lOOK GAY?!

Shrek 5, jesus's return

c. 2025 First attempt of an Officer and his Wife with a Handmaiden (colourized)

just about all of these are close lol

originally taken from: the Bolshoi Theater’s 1993 staging of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky’s The Maid of Orléans, featuring Nina Rautio (left) as Joan of Arc and Vyacheslav Pochapsky (right) as Thibaut d’Arc

Responses:

Don’t look, I’m still pooping

yall, the audacity of this man. he fuckin talked to me

*i can't even tell you how wrong you are* *it would be insulting to ME*-- closest

Cospeto!

„No I’m not talking to you, you keep cracking bad jokes!“ - „But I got another!“

when you’re mad at him but he says he’ll buy you food if you cheer up

When I’m wallowing in self-pity but my friends won’t comfort me

right: wanna fuck ;) left: yeah, fuck OFF lmao

Her face is screaming “don’t tell me what to do”

Yeah I got nothing

gay man tries to hit on a lesbian bc he thinks she's a twink. she's not amused but she's watching this happen anyway

me tired of MET's bullshit and them organising a Netrebko, known blackface apologist, a recital during Black History Month. (sorry im still fucking salty lol)

"stop smiling at me like that I'm trying to pout over here"

"I got fleas, you got fleas... wanna fuck?"

I have the best idea!

Haha nooooo don’t hit me with that bat you’re so sexxyy

lesbian is bothered by dilf

Me trying to flirt

if call me by your name was hetero and set in america

how many more dad jokes can i take before i explode

So. You’ve gotten yourself in a little pickle again.

What if we fought in the Russian revolution together ✨???????... unless??

Two people flirt in a poor place of town/

"If you ask me what I've got under this dirty, shapeless tunic one more time I swear to god I will kick your rotting teeth in"

You look like ur gonna kill me but ok

Really? You again?

Okay, I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes, do you think it’s safe to—oh god, he’s still there.

Have you seen Godot?

she is tired of everyone’s shit. she has done so many derivatives it physically pains her to see a variable. dont test her. ur icarus rn.

idk pick better pictures-- I HAVE DIED THE SHEER AUDACITY AND HUBRIS I LOVE THIS

200% done with your crap 

Homeless man has fucking legs of steel n is gonna show off his Russian dance moves

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2019 staging of Paul Dukas’ Ariane et Barbe-bleue, featuring Sophie Koch (right) as Ariane and I don’t remember who the person on the left is rip me

Responses:

The knight who wore this into battle sure was swaggy

dear god its hiddeous

Capitalism

Knight in shining armour gone even more wrong.

ghost contemplates the safety of spiky motorcycle helmet

„Stop! He feels bullied!“

'this is my newest take for jesus's crucifixion crown ...... what do you mean they already put him up'

That’s probably a really expensive magic helmet idk. IDK-- closest

Omg I love the adventure zone!

minesweeper (windows xp)

"Okay whatever you do don't touch the shiny spiky ball" "It's so shiny I wanna touch it"

Taking down the trash way too late

IT'S NOT A PHASE MOM

Darth Vader got stuck in the freezer.... again. Leia isn’t happy

Star Wars 2030

“And here is the very latest in motorcycle helmet trends” “Look, I only came to the mall for a pair of socks “

futuristic kkk

long-suffering jewelry store attendant really wants to retire

Put it down put it down put it down

“Hmm no you should see a doctor about that”

A weird ass crown is presented

The creation of sars-cov-2: an experimental Eurotrance nightclub art piece gone horribly wrong

How it feels to want something that u cant have

AND WE WILL CALL IT—SPIKE MAN actually do you think that’s too obvious?? Because of the—yeah, because of the spikes?? See, that’s what I’m worried about. I want it to be SCARY

I know it's risky but... lube me up

?

use the force luke.

that is a weird fleshlight

When you get an ugly gift and need to find a way to get rid of it, so your family member/friend offers to smash it

Touch the orb

originally taken from: the Opera Vlaanderen’s 2019 staging of Fromental Halévy’s La Juive, with Nicole Chevalier (left, with bottle) as Princess Eudoxie, Enea Scala (center, under table) as Prince Léopold, and Roy Cornelius Smith (right) as Éléazar

Responses:

When no one comes to your birthday party :(

fantastic, day 487 of mischief and they have yet to find my masterful hiding spot

i really wonder who he thinks he's playing footsie with

Marriage crisis. Reason sits under the table-- closest but not in the way you think (after all, the man under the table IS a tenor).

the last supper afterparty after jesus left

When you order the last supper on wish

espionage at the Politischer Rosenmontag

Probably the wrong opera but is that Leporello under the table

Now THIS is a Good Friday night

this was every birthday party i went to between the ages of 5 and 11

that awkward moment when you drop your fork under the table but when you re-emerge everyone else has left except one drunk lady and the guy trying to deal with her

After the last supper

Tfw you arrive to the dinner party too early and have to hide until a more fashionable hour

When the cishets aren’t home

waiter hides from customers

Nobody: My dog every time I’m eating:

what's left of the homies Jesus had dinner with

university chem lab experiment gone terribly wrong

I’ve been under the table FOR 30 MINUTES

Set your friends up by tossing them off under the table, they’ll think it’s each other n fall in luv

Someone hids under a table

"You're about to see an surreptitious-under-the-table-dick-sucking master at work"

5 yr old me trying to eat the desert under the table without my parents finding out be like:

They never invite me to their parties!

Just another girl’s night in

Oops! Didn’t notice you the table.

dionysus - bts (2019, colorized)

just a normal episode of eric andre (eric is the one under the table)

Just a normal day with the boys

Thievery

originally taken from: the Théâtre de Capitole du Toulouse’s 2017 staging of Giacomo Meyerbeer’s Le prophète, featuring Kate Aldrich (left, surrounded by women in white) as Fidès and John Osborn (center, looking like a Jesus doppelganger) as Jean de Leyde

Responses:

Hold up, is that Eggman above Jesus?

holy disco

Looks like Tannhäuser. Our lord and saviour Richard Wagner. Now I need to be saved from that.

catholicism

me defending pineapple on pizza (THANK YOU)

jesus but hes about to be abducted by the alien ufo above him

Emmmmmmm Heaven? Idk

Lord of the rings?

ewww christianity gross

"behold, I am Important"

"Seriously?? It's not ACTUALLY pyjama day? Fuck you guys!"

Jesus at the Disco

Jesus Finds The Molerat People Who Live Under Bethlehem

disco is heaven

Want to join my new religion?

the kkk

church christmas pageant where everyone's sober but it's based on the director's fever dream

Am I the only one who sees the giant demon? Just me? Okay...

“Oh god I think I’m starting my period”

A party is held with a priest in the middle

"Let's get this secret Vatican sex party rolling!"

The new avengers endgame set is looking great!!

You know, guys, I try not to be a bother but...I can’t help but feel like I missed a dress code memo for this wedding??? It’s cocktail, right??”

Jesus visits Hogwarts

I must really stink if no one will even come close to me

the extra ass funeral i DESERVE

star wars life day

A cult at it’s best-- closest

Shrek 5, Jesus is still there I guess

originally taken from: the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden’s 2013 staging of Giuseppe Verdi’s Les vêpres siciliennes, featuring Bryan Hymel (left, standing) as Henri, Lianna Haroutounian (center, kneeling in the black gown) as Duchess Hélène, and Erwin Schrott (kneeling to her right) as Jean Procida

Responses:

When the director’s like “great rehearsal guys, just a few notes before I let you go” but it’s already 9:13 and your mom’s waiting in the parking lot

loyalist of subjects

bow before your queen

They forgot to take down the stage boxes after the Vienna opera ball but the show must go on.

somebody forgot to book chairs for this funeral

Me sharing God’s (Hayley koyoko) word on the discord server

mass execution bc the oboe solo sucked ass-- closest

That’s too many black suits I can’t see shit

I can’t even tell what’s going on here

8th grade school assembly about how it's uncool to shit on the walls at school

let's all get fancy so we can go to the opera and sit on the stage (idk this one's hard lol)

"Yes i am a time traveller, now don't freak out"

Tfw you forget to pay your lighting bills

White guys make decisions that will benefit them and screw someone that’s not a white guy over-- OUCH but that is too real (although not really in context here)

dead man gives speech at his own funeral

brotus and the boys ??? last meeting before the stabbing

high society social function ends in mass murder-- right opera, wrong scene

Someone walks into the talent show stage with a dog

Black-dressed bitches worship a man.

Worst school assembly of all time

POV:You're the window in the classroom and someone said "its snowing"

When the conductor shows up fashionably late to the orchestra concert

That's what you get for choosing the cheapest ticket option, get back in the mud where you belong

?

theyre just trying to jump into a grave at a funeral leabe them alone this is normal

oh my god he really whipped his dick out in front of everyone, this is just like in 1776 guys, except some women are actually in the room this time,

A funeral, stop wearing so much black

I want to slap their bald heads like rice

originally taken from: the Teatro Real Madrid’s 2018 staging of Gaetano Donizetti’s Lucia di Lammermoor, featuring Roberto Tagliavini (right) as Raimondo

Responses:

Crowd “haha!! Looks like someone missed the all-black memo!! Now it’s laugh-in-your-face time! / Guy on the floor (whispering to guy against wall): go, save yourself! I’ll hold them off...”

if i leave now i wont be a witness and can tell the police i had no idea

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

Guy in the back pretends to help but is to far away to even know what’s going on.

priest walks in on beginning of an orgy, contemplated joining but is too scared-

when someone brings up capitalism but you’re just trying to play minecraft

lol lets trample this guy while the judge isnt looking

Again. Too many black costumes

Loved this Dostoevsky novel

i would know if opera directors were more creative with clothing choices ngl

me on parties lol

"imma just sneak out of here while everyone else is distracted"

"Where did he get this flooring!? Amazing!"

Everyone act normal!

The tell tale heart but they got REALLY drunk

man tposes to ward off vampires after being caught undercover

boys ???? night

the priest really shouldn't have visited the insane asylum-- closest

He’s FINE everyone’s been hit by a car before

Something happens in a room.

Perks of being a wallflower

There's always that one person in the fight whos trying not to get involved when they really wanna

Oh good, they’re all posing for a Rembrandt painting, I can just sneeeeaaak out the back here...

The gamer livestreaming Resident Evil + everyone watching the stream ? waiting for him to open the door just knowing it will trigger a chase scene

Quick!

the guy t posing in the back is regretting his every decision.-- also accurate

the us senate jumps ted cruz, some other wack ass gop senator is trying to sneak away

...I spoke too soon, however this is a James Bond mission

Queers help fellow queer do math but it's a struggle

[lawssword]

Day Eight: Treasure

Ahhhh this ones late what ever here it is I really liked writting this one for some reason

Law and Luffy run into each other at the bar.

Word count: 1.3k

There wasn't much Law cared for in this world. His friends, Shachi and Penguin, his cat, Bepo. And Luffy. Luffy was everything in the world to Law. Most days Luffy was the only thing that mattered at all.

"Law!" Penguin waved his hand in front of Law's face.

Law was tired from the long shift at the hospital and was only sitting at the bar because Penguin and Shachi pretty much kidnapped him.

"Hm?" Law muttered, he looked over at Penguin with a bored expression.

"Watchya thinking about?" Penguin nudged  Law's side.

"Probably Luffy," Shachi cut in, he set drinks down in front of Law and Penguin. "When isn't he thinking about Luffy?"

"When he's thinking about Bepo," Penguin cut in.

"Man we have to compete with the cat and the boyfriend for attention!" Shachi feigned offense and Law took a sip from his drink and rolled his eyes.

"If that were the case, Luffy would win," Law pointed out.

"Luffy does win most days," Penguin sighed.

"I'd have to argue that work tends to beat all four of you," Law said.

"You got a point there," Shachi admitted in defeat.

"Saving lives is so demanding," Penguin had no choice but to agree too.

"You're telling me," Law took a long drink from his glass.

The door to the bar jingled Law paid it no mind until he saw a familiar mess of bright green hair and the sound of Luffy's voice.

"He's the best Zoro, I'm gunna marry him one day," Luffy spoke loudly, not caring about who was in the bar.

"Oh shit, is that Luffy!?" Penguin snickered, nudging Law. Law looked over his shoulder to the table the voice was coming from.

"Yep," Shachi confirmed with a smug grin.

"He's my treasure." Luffy didn't even blush at such a bold statement, Law couldn't say the same for himself.

Shachi and Penguin started cracking up, laughing under their breaths, trying not to draw attention to themselves. They had to make sure they could hear all Luffy had to say about Law.

"That's quite the turn around considering you said you'd never marry anyone a year ago," Zoro said. He wasn't speaking as loud as Luffy but now, Shachi, Law and Penguin were all zeroing in on Luffy and Zoro's conversation.

Law felt like he shouldn't be, not without Luffy know he was there.

"Oh-ho," Penguin snickered, leaning against Law's shoulder. "Sounds like you domesticated Luffy."

"Stop eavesdropping," Law snapped.

"Awe why not, you don't want to hear all the mushy stuff Luffy has to say about you?" Shachi made kissy noise and Law wanted to pour his drink on him. That would be a poor use of alcohol though.

"Because Luffy is talking to his friend and what they talk about is none of my business," Law stated.

"Oh, how honorable and mature of you," Penguin mocked.

"We're not honorable," Shachi recalled.

"Or mature," Penguin added.

"So we won't say anything to you about it!" Shachi clapped Law's shoulder and move to sit on the other side of Penguin to be closer to Zoro and Luffy.

"Both of you cut it out," Law ordered, cutting them a glare.

They ignored him. Law rolled his eyes and stood. He headed over to the table Luffy and Zoro were at. Zoro saw him coming but Luffy's back was to him. Law put his finger over his lips, motioning Zoro to not say anything.

Law slid into the booth next to Luffy, putting his arm over the back of the seat and scooting close to Luffy.

"You know, I couldn't help but notice the most gorgeous man from across the bar, come here often?" Law asked with his voice lowered.

"That's was the corniest shit I've heard in a while, Law," Zoro remarked.

"Torao, are you flirting with me?" Luffy asked.

"Well, that I thought, was obvious considering how corny it was," Law glanced at Zoro as he spoke.

"Pen and Shachi at the bar?" Zoro asked. Law just nodded.

"Hm," Luffy hummed before smirking at Law. "You should know I have a boyfriend."

"He doesn't have to know," Law leaned in a little closer to Luffy.

"He'd definitely kick your ass," Luffy pointed out.

"I think I'll take my chances," Law said leaning in a little closer.

"Hey man." A guy from the booth behind them pushed Law back from Luffy. "He said he's got a boyfriend, back off."

Law chuckled, "I admire you looking out for him, but I know he has a boyfriend, I'm his boyfriend."

"You expect me to believe that?" The guy said, pushing up his glasses.

"Love, please fix this," Law said, gesturing to the guy that still had his hand on Law's chest.

"He is my boyfriend," Luffy confirmed. "We were just messing around."

"Oh," The guy muttered. He glanced at Luffy.

"Really though," Law said. "Thanks for trying to look out for him, I appreciate it."

"No problem," the guy said.

"Traffy, let's get home," Luffy suggested, he pulled on Law's shirt and whispered, "I want you to pin me to the bed."

Law smirked. "I dunno, I drove Shachi and Penguin here."

"Zoro drove me here and he's with them, so they'll be fine," Luffy assured.

"Good enough for me," Law said. "I'll let them know and meet you outside."

"Shishi, okay!" Law and Luffy scooted out of the booth. Luffy all but skipped out of the bar.

Luffy stood under the sidewalk light with his hands in his pockets. It was starting to get kinda cold despite it only being early September.

"Hey!" Luffy looked over at the bar entrance. It was the guy that tried to keep Law from hitting on Luffy earlier.

Oh, he was looking directly at Luffy.

"That guy's not bothering you anymore," the guy said.

"What? He wasn't bothering, to begin with, I told you he's my boyfriend," Luffy said. The guy came closer to him.

"You don't gotta lie to me when he's not around." The guy put his arm around Luffy's shoulders. Luffy scrunched his nose and pushed the guy's arm off.

"He's gunna come out any second and if you don't leave me alone I'm gunna kick your ass."

"A twink like you? Yeah right," the guy scoffed. The guy stepped closer to Luffy and Luffy took a step back until his back hit the building. The guy pressed his hand to the wall next to Luffy, leaning over him.

That would be hot if it were Law.

"Hey, I said leave me alone!" Luffy shoved the guy off of him.

"Lu, you alright?" Law asked.

"Yeah, let's go," Luffy said. Law walked up to Luffy, hooking his arm around Luffy's shoulders.

"You sure you're alright, Love?" Law asked

"Yeah, I think that guy was just pretending to be nice earlier," Luffy glanced over his shoulder to the guy that was watching after them.

"Seems like it," Law agreed, twirling the car keys on his fingers. "Is pinning you to the bed still on the table or will I have to take a rain check?"

"Shishishi, I want you to do way more than that," Luffy grinned.

"Monkey D. Luffy you are playing a dangerous game," Law murmured. "Let's just hope I don't get pulled over trying to get you in that bed."

"You're hot, you can flirt you're way out of a ticket," Luffy said.

"Oh?" Law chuckled. "You know, most say flirting is cheating."

"Not when you don't mean it," Luffy said. "Or when it gets you out of a ticket."

"I'll keep that in mind. Law finally found the car and unlocked it. He opened the door for Luffy before getting in the car himself.

[juuriya]

Teenage Heartbreak Queen

Pairing/s: Gerard Way x Reader

Warning/s: Language, an alcohol mention, angst, and I think that's about it.

Summary: A letter addressed to you. Being best friends all the way back from high school with Gerard, he confesses something- something he regrets not telling you sooner.

A/N: I love bad boy Gerard. In this one, he's looking back on his old teenager memories. Also, I'm pretty proud of this! Hope y'all like it. x

_____________

Remember senior prom? You looked gorgeous in that dress. I asked you out; you said yes. I was super stoked.

I kept fixing my hair, my suit, my corsage, my tie- I was being such a perfectionist, and you know me. The almost exact opposite of some perfectionist. Not even close.

And you? You were so heinously perfect. You laughed and danced the night away, with me. God, I was so happy.

I think I should tell you what I felt when you walked down the stairs. I remember it like it was yesterday. Hell, I sound like an old man.

When I knocked on your door, a wave of nerves started to hit me. I was super duper stoked, trust me- but I was nervous for some stupid reason.

Josh answered the door for me. Remember back then, when he was still your butler? He liked to dye his hair neon colors (at first I thought he was a twink, don't tell him that) and wear, like, casual clothes instead of those tuxedos that butlers wear in the movies. I thought he was so cool. But he was still a twink to me, so not really. Not that I have anything else against twinks, Ryan is probably one.

He was also wearing matching striped pajamas, the blue kind. His hair was red- or was it highlighter yellow- at the time. It weirdly contrasted from his pajamas that were a pretty pastel blue.

He then tells me, "You're here for Y/n? Why- you're early. Come in, have a seat." Or something along the lines of that. I take a seat and wipe my hands on my jeans. See- I was that nervous. I got sweat on my palms.

That sounds like a cool name for a song. Sweat on my palms, sweat on my palms. Oh how I'm so so not-so calm.

"She'll take some time." He chuckled, probably finding it weird that I was so quiet. I was probably brainstorming for that song. I'm so cool.

Kidding, kidding.

"Josh- come see which shoes look better on me, the blue or purple ones?" You called from somewhere upstairs. For some reason you sounded like you were whining. I was so startled and relieved to hear your voice- like all my anxieties melted away.

Josh then excuses himself and starts jogging up your stairs. He calls out an "In a minute, my girl!" And almost trips on your marble staircase and make an absolute fool out of himself, but he doesn't. I wanted him to, though.

I absolutely hated him calling you "my girl". I don't know why, but I did.

When Josh finally reaches the top of the stairs, he disappears down the hallway, and I was left alone for about 20 minutes. It's quiet- save for three or so voices bickering about "It doesn't matter how her hair is styled- she's pretty damn gorgeous anyway," and "Let me try the lipstick on you first, Josh-".

And then Brendon appears in the hallway in his little suit and tie. He's another one of your butlers, and I used to think he was a twink as well. But that was for a short time, since he's pretty masculine and you considered him hot. He is pretty hot, if I do say so myself.

He smiles at me, wiping sweat from his abnormally large forehead. I then noticed that he has swatches of eye shadow on his wrist.

"She'll be down in a while." He pants, and I see that he has leftover make-up powder on his suit jacket. He rushed down the stairs- much more graceful than Josh- and into the kitchen he went. He pops out later with a pitcher of water and a glass on a tray. Fancy.

He pours me a glass and hands it to me. It was room-temperature cold. Just how I liked it, and Brendon knows because I used to always be at your mansion. I would even sneak into your garden just to write songs. Brendon would sometimes stay and chat, unlike Josh, who would stay by your side. I don't know if you knew that I trespass in your house though. I'm sorry, I didn't ever give a damn, Sugar.

"She's quite worth the wait." Brendon half-apologizes and half-exclaims, and I could see that it was exciting him. He must've done a lot to look this sweaty and covered in glittery make-up.

"Oh my god, Brendon, you can't just leave the godforsaken room," Dallon shouts, and it's weird because he's just your really quiet tall chauffer that occasionally makes really snarky remarks to Brendon or you. He runs out of the hallway, opening his mouth to say something but stopping short upon seeing me. He's holding a pair of glittery blue pumps.

"Hello, Mr. Way." He smiles that charming and abnormally pretty un-driver-like smile of his at me, and shoots Brendon a cold, icy glare. Ooh, drama.

"Brendon. She needs her 'photographer'. You know that." He rolls his eyes playfully at the little quotation marks and he does them in the air, awkwardly holding the pumps, and disappears back into the hallway. Brendon scampered after him. I'm left alone again, and the silence is annoying, so I automatically went to your garden. Since the air is like, crisper.

I breathed in the crisp air. I love the smell of garden air. Maybe not as much as breathing, and you know why.

I took a cigarette from my suit jacket and lit it up. It's pretty handy that I have a pack and a lighter in there- as well as a pocket knife. Don't ask. I took a drag from it and let the smoke free into the air from my mouth.

The light from your bedroom window shone and made shadows on the grass- cliché, I know, but at that point I had already figured out that sometimes life is like a crappy rom-com movie. The shadows moved and bickered. The arguments made listening entertaining. So I sat, like the weirdo kid I was on the edge of your fountain, eavesdropping and whatnot.

I know, eavesdropping is wrong, but I'm a bad bitch- you can't kill me.

"You absolute twink, Y/n wants rosettes in her hair!" Brendon argues.

"No, it's weirdly too aesthetic and she's not gonna like that, fivehead." Josh bit.

A little pile of small rosettes flew through the window. I didn't know rosettes could fly.

"Josh- what the actual living hell?" Brendon screeched, and I supressed the urge to laugh. I picked up a small rosette, as they landed in front of me. They were white. Nice.

"Language!" Dallon scolded. Language my ass. They were full-on bickering for about 5 minutes with phrases like "milk man" or "unexistent ghost twink" were thrown around until Tyler stepped in.

(I didn't even know he was there. He's as quiet as a mouse. I think he was your gardener's son. Did you have a thing for gardener boys? Haha, I have a thing for garden air. So weird.)

"Would you both stop yelling? I'm going to do a half updo. No one can stop me."

"I'd like that, Ty." Your voice honestly cuts through like a gentle flower thorn in the silence and I absolutely loved it.

Oh, and you're probably wondering how I remember all of these events. I know things. Remember?

I even know what time it is right now as I'm writing this. Without a watch, of course. 8:06 pm. Cool, right?

Anyway, silence and shushes were heard by me for the next 10 minutes. At the time it was already past nine. Great- we're gonna be fashionably late. Didn't faze me much, since I was always late to class and whatnot. Never hurts to be late as to be pretty.

"Alright- she's done. Now, let's get ready for the cliché walking down the stairs thing." Tyler says, you could hear his smile. Cameras snapped, and rustling was heard. I thought that is would be really damn weird for me to be in the garden rather than in your living room, so I sprinted at godspeed back to that sofa and hopped into your comfortable chair. My body sank into the velvet.

"Oh, Jesus- Tyler, you little-! Don't touch her hair! Get away with your fancy shmancy spraying bullsh-" Ah, Brendon. Sweet, sweet Brendon. When will you ever shut the fuck up?

"It's hairspray, genius." Tyler calmly argued as I heard a little more shuffling.

And then, you appeared. You stood at the top of the extending staircase. You looked stunning. My breath was taken away at every blink of your pretty eyes. At every inch of you that was there standing in shiny combat boots. At every passing millisecond you spent beaming at me, Sugar.

I felt like I could burst into tears at that moment. But I couldn't, because I'm a bad bitch- remember?

Anyways, I'm getting emotional here. You just looked so stunning and until now that image of you in that dress is burned into my head.

You smiled, and you looked a thousand times better. No, a million. And I felt like my eyeliner was running, so I tilted my head up. Not after saying "Holy smokes.", which was an understatement to how i felt when i saw you.

You laughed, and it lightly echoed throughout the room. Dallon was taking pictures and the camera was clicking, and I still have one of the photos. It's the one where you were sitting next to me on your old couch and we were smiling, you held up a hand in a peace sign, and i held up bunny ears behind your head with a small smile.

It's one of the best moments in my life, until now.

I love you, Y/n. I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm sorry for weighing it on you, Sugar. It's been years since I've ever said that. Did you know, the last time was that when I was as drunk as ever? Or not.

That same night of prom that was oh-so many years ago. We were on roof of the car, and everyone else was either passed out or too piss drunk to even speak.

You were slightly intoxicated and I wasn't. Even a little bit. Especially after the alcohol poisoning. See, I can talk about it now without crying or getting angry. Growth!

That night I saw you in your absolute form. That doesn't make sense, but to me it does. The slight breeze, blowing the strands of hair from the, earlier, perfect hairdo. The faded make-up. Your untainted lips because you didn't like lipstick all that much before. Your eyes, not-so blown from alcohol, shining and pretty and the most beautiful ever.

I whispered the three goddamn words. "I love you."

Like an idiot, really. I didn't think before I said them.

You didn't say anything, just smiled. Then I got afraid, like a coward, and stood up to stand at the side of the car. I took out a lighter then started silently fucking crying about how I was so whipped for you. Thank god that nobody was properly conscious at the time.

My one and only not-really high school sweetheart. My teenage heartbreak queen.

You didn't hallucinate. You didn't imagine it. It was a hundred percent real. I'm sorry that I lied by shaking it off. Now, look where it's got me.

Confessing on your wedding day.

I don't know if you want to read this letter before or after the wedding. Still, really bad fucking timing. I'm sorry. I'm probably selfish and inconsiderate and might as well still be playing the attention whore from high school.

Don't worry about me. I've met a girl, her name is Lindsey. She's cool. I love her, and we're about seven months strong.

Maybe she's the one.

Congratulations, Sugar. Don't worry, I'll go to your wedding, maybe stop by for a while. I hope you're happy with Frank. Imagine, Y/n Iero. That actually makes me happy, you and Frankie.

I love you, forever and always.

God, that's cheesy.

Xoxo, G

[eeveedel]

Chubby omega Louis getting stood up at a restaurant and alpha Harry coming to his rescue (He can't help but try to make Louis smile even though he doesn't know him)

another unedited, fluffy mess, I hope you like it!

–

Louis checked the time on his phone for the sixth time in the last two minutes before he took another sip of his beer.

His date, Chris, had texted him earlier saying he would meet Louis at the restaurant at 7:30. It was now 7:45, Louis had been nursing a pint at the bar for the last twenty minutes, and Chris wasn’t answering his texts.

Louis sighed hard as he locked his phone and ran his fingers through the condensation that had built up on the bar. This was his first date since he had broke up with Eric, his boyfriend of two years, about six months ago. He had started small and met some guys on dating apps, and Chris was the only one that seemed decent enough to meet in person. He had been excited for tonight; he had dressed up and painted his nails and hell, he had put his birth control packet in the glovebox of his car in case he got lucky and needed something the next morning. He was trying to be optimistic.

But now, he wasn’t so sorry.

Louis unlocked his phone again, the time not changing, and opened up his texts with Chris, which had last been read at 3 that afternoon. He tapped on the text bar, trying to think of something to text other than the “almost here?” and “still coming?” he had sent off within the hour. He had typed and erased three messages when he felt someone come up next to him, and then a voice very close to his ear.

“Louis?” the cautious voice asked.

Louis lifted his head and immediately smiled at the man in front of him. He looked a bit different from his profile – a bit plainer under dark lighting and without the filters on his photos. But he was still cute and nicely dressed, someone Louis wouldn’t mind spending an evening with.

“Hi,” Louis chirped, already extending his hand “You must be Chris, it’s – “

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Louis blinked at the sudden harshness in Chris’s voice, and he frowned.

“I – I ‘m sorry?” he stuttered.

“You’re Louis,” the man repeated.

“Um, yeah?” Louis said.

“Ah, fuck,” the man shook his head, “You’ve got to be shitting me.”

Louis just stared at him for a minute, and Chris groaned and dug into his pocket, getting out his keys.

“I’m heading out,” he said.

“You’re leaving?” Louis asked, “But you just got here –“

“Yeah, I know, I’m just not interested anymore,” Chris said, “Jesus, you gotta update your fucking profile, mate.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I thought I was going out with a cute twink, not – “ he gave Louis a full once over and shook his head, his eyes lingering on Louis’s midsection.

And oh.

Louis instinctively crossed his arms over his belly, trying to shield the new, soft gut that pushed out his shirt. He didn’t think it was that noticeable, and he was even wearing black, but maybe it stood out a bit more than he thought.

“Well, sorry for wasting your time,” Louis said quietly. Chris just gave him another disgruntled look and then, the other man was gone.

Louis sat back in his stool, staring at the door where his date had just left, before he pressed his palms over his face.

“God, fuck,” he muttered to himself, rubbing his hands into his skin.  

He hated how fucking helpless he felt. Sure, he had had a lot of nights of stress eating and not taking care of himself lately, and he knew had put on some weight. But he really thought it wouldn’t be a big deal. He didn’t really look that different. He used his old photos because he liked them and he figured surely once he went on a date the person would be okay –

But no. He had gotten snapped at for being fat by the first guy he had given a chance.

Louis swallowed hard and then reached down, prodding at his stomach. His fingertip sunk easily into the new flesh, and if he wanted to he could grab a handful of it. He did, his stomach twisting at how big and soft he felt. He gave himself a weak little jiggle and then swallowed hard, pulling his hand away.

He’d gotten fucking chubby. Of course no one wanted to go out with him.

He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, hard, trying to stop the tears that felt hot and sharp behind his eyes. Then he quickly grabbed his phone and his keys and started to get off his stool, stumbling a bit as his foot hit the floor. He cursed weakly, blinking back the wave of tears coming to him. He did his best to straighten up and get ready to leave, when a soft, low voice stopped him.

“Excuse me,” the voice said. Louis really didn’t want to turn around, but with his luck he had probably dropped his debit card on the floor or something, and the least thing he needed was to get all the way home and realize he had left it there. So, he turned around.

There was an alpha standing behind him, looking at him with wide green eyes. And he was cute, and smelled like warm cinnamon rolls, which was really inconvenient for Louis since he was a red-eyed, teary mess at the moment.

“Yeah?” Louis said, and winced at how weak his voice sounded.

“I just – I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I’m waiting for some friends and – well, I just wanted to tell you that that guy’s a dick,” the alpha said.

Louis just stared at him, and reached up, wiping at his tears.

“Oh,” he said, “Um – thanks, I guess.”

“Seriously, like, what the fuck was he on? You don’t say that to someone,” the alpha said. He sounded genuinely upset, and it made Louis smile weakly before the awful feeling hit him again.

“It – it’s kind of my fault,” Louis admitted, “I’ve, uh, gained weight, and I used my old pictures, so I guess that was kind of – “

“Who cares, though?” Harry said, “The guy still got a cute with a cute omega, right? Why should he care?”

Louis frowned, wiping his eyes again.

“Cute?” he echoed, and the alpha stopped, his mouth open.

“Fuck,” he managed, “I, um, I didn’t – “

“I’ll take it, to be honest,” Louis said, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve had a very compliment-free night.”

He chuckled at his own joke, but the alpha was quiet.

“Seriously, fuck him,” Harry said, waving towards the door, “Any guy would be lucky to get a date with you, seriously. Or a girl. I don’t know – “

“Guys, just guys,” Louis supplied with a weak laugh, “Well, um, thanks.”

Louis weakly gestured to the door.

“I should, uh, go home. My date put the reservation in his name so I should just – “

“You should stay,” the alpha cut in, which just made Louis look at him wide-eyed.

“I’m not a weird creep, I swear,” Harry said, “I just – maybe you could have dinner with my friends and I? They’ll get here in maybe ten minutes, and we have a big table – “

“Oh, that’s – that’s very nice,” Louis managed, and yes, he was tempted. A cute alpha was offering Louis an alternative to spending the night on his couch sobbing into a bottle of white wine. But also –

“I don’t really know you, though,” Louis said, “And I don’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be,” the alpha said, “And, uh, I’m Harry. Styles. I’m Harry Styles.”

Louis laughed softly and nodded.

“Okay, Harry Styles,” Louis said, “And I’m Louis. Tomlinson. You can just use my first name, though.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Harry said, and Christ, he stuck out his hand for Louis to shake. It made the other man blush red, and then he reached out and took Harry’s hand in turn.

“You, too,” he said softly.

“So, um,” Harry said once their hands had separated, “Do you want to get that dinner, or – “

Louis swallowed, looking at Harry once more. Maybe this was a bad idea, to go out with an alpha he had just met. But he had just tried to meet up with an alpha he had chatted with for weeks before meeting and look where that had put him.

So, he shoved his keys back into his pocket, swiped at his eyes one more time, and made a decision.

“Only if you buy me a drink first.” 

[maryliz2121]

Voltron University Sheith AU

So I’m a multi-shipper and here’s a Sheith AU because I love Keith and Shiro as gay disasters!

Keith and Shiro are both students at Voltron University. Both are astronautical engineers but Shiro is a Junior while Keith is a sophomore so they don’t have many overlapping classes. Keith is roommates with Lance and they live in an apartment at the edge of campus which is the same building Pidge and Hunk, who are roommates, live in. Keith is best friends with Pidge and he and Lance constantly goes over to hang with her and Hunk. Shiro is roommates with Matt and they live in a building a little farther from campus. 

Keith goes jogging with Kosmo at 7am everyday because he is a heathen that wakes up early in the morning. Shiro, a fellow heathen, also jogs in that park but at 8am instead of 7am. Usually, Keith leaves around the time Shiro arrives but one day Keith arrives late and is still jogging when Shiro starts his workout. Keith has his headphones in and is oblivious to everything but Shiro saw him the second he walked into the park. He is stunned into a gay panic because Keith looks like a model while running which is completely unfair but he’s gorgeous and I don’t make the rules. Shiro is so starstruck by Keith that he doesn’t watch where he is going and falls into the pond. As he claws his way out of the scummy pond’s muddy grip, Keith takes notice of him and Shiro dies internally and makes the walk of shame home. However, Keith barely saw the mud on Shiro because his white shirt was soaked through revealing his glorious abs to all the lucky people in the park. Here begins the pining. 

For the next week, Keith goes to the park a little later and Shiro goes a little earlier. This change in schedule of course was in no way influenced by their mild infatuations with one another. Due to both of them being dumb asses and gay disasters, neither will approach or talk to the other. They just jog by each other and avoid eye contact. 

Matt, being best friends with Shiro, and Pidge, being best friends with Keith have been listening to them gush about the mysterious man at the park since their first encounter (if it can even be called that). Being the geniuses that they are, the Holt siblings quickly worked out who the boys’ crushes were from their descriptions (Hot emo twink and white-haired muscled adonis were among many of the descriptions they heard of the boys). The Holts decide that if the boys are to ever evolve into more than strangers, they will have to take matters into their own hands. 

The next time Shiro goes for his morning jog, he has peanut butter in his pocket courtesy of Matt Holt. When he passes by Keith and Kosmo, Kosmo goes ballistic and launches himself towards Shiro. The leash yanks Keith so hard he goes sprawling on top of Shiro. Kosmo further worsens the situation by tangling them up even more in the leash while he licks all over Shiro looking for the peanut butter. Keith and Shiro are both mortified but Keith even more so since Kosmo is his dog. Both are apologizing profusely and end up yeeting themselves out of the park out of embarrassment. 

After this both boys, being the absolute disasters that they are, avoid the park. However, they are both moping so Matt and Pidge decide that enough is enough. It’s time to get Lance involved. Despite Lance’s constant lack of success in picking up girls, he is a surprisingly great matchmaker and got Hunk and Shay together. Anyway, Lance suggests a group get-together at him and Keith's place since Keith and Shiro seem to be unable to act like normal people around each other and need “adult supervision.”

Keith agrees to it because Pidge, Lance, and Hunk say that they are inviting Matt and one of his friends. Likewise, Shiro is just told he is going to meet Pidge’s friends. When Matt and Shiro knock on the door, Pidge opens up because Keith is in the kitchen. Kosmo remembers Shiro though and launches himself at him to check for more peanut butter. At the commotion, Keith exits the kitchen to save Matt’s poor friend from Kosmo. Upon removing Kosmo, he sees Shiro’s face and both are frozen in gay panic. 

Lance and Hunk enter with the food and diffuse the tension caused by their awkward introduction. After eating and playing some Mario-kart, which Pidge and Keith dominate in, the group decides to play some drinking games. They go through a few rounds of never have I ever where they take shots instead of lowering a finger. At this point, Lance and Pidge are drunk af while the rest of well on their way there. Shiro, being the grandpa that he is, didn’t have to take too many shots which was fortunate for him because despite his large stature, he doesn’t hold his alcohol very well. Keith, on the other hand, took a lot of shots but he holds his alcohol extremely well (probs that fast metabolism lol). 

They switch over to never have I ever and Lance, ever dedicated to the plan even when drunk off his ass, dares Keith and Shiro to do Seven Minutes in Heaven. Keith and Shiro turn bright red but both are competitive as fuck so they go in the closet. Both are blushing hard af but Keith is not one to be outdone by a dare, especially one from Lance, and he grabs Shiro by the collar of his shirt and yanks him down for a kiss. The kiss gets spicier as both boys get hella into it but the moment is broken when the gang tumbles through the closet door when eavesdropping. 

They call it a night and everyone goes home (they take an uber because we don’t condone drunk driving in this household ya heathens). Keith and Shiro exchange numbers before Shiro leaves. The spend the next few weeks getting to know each other and by the end of the semester they are dating and they live happily ever after because I said so. 

The end!  If someone ever happened to make this into an actual fanfic l I would cry tears of joy! Please drop any works (art or writing) in the response (or message them to me) because I would love to see them!!! Thanks for reading <3

[lockwell19]

Do you ever not really think about something because it's just a part of your life? And even though the jokes about 'you can't call it a rubber it's an eraser do you know what a rubber is' start in year five no one even notices 'can you pass the twink' and 'can I borrow your twink' get said multiple times a day. Even when you get involved in queer culture and learn the connotations you don't connect until you get tagged in a post... and just accept it coz white out sounds weird

Oh yeah, I get it. Like, ASL has some explicit signs that look really obvious. I never really questioned them much until that episode of Master of None with the deaf couple signing in public. Then I had to reconsider telling dirty jokes to signing friends in public in case some hearing person (or kid) is eavesdropping. But otherwise I roll with them because what else can you do.

[bittysvalentines]

To @stagemanagingsmh

From @beaniebaneenie I had so much fun writing this, thank you so much for the idea. In the future, I may even take this further and write a bit more with it, play in this little AU-verse some more. Thank you again, and I hope you have a lovely Valentine's Day!

______________

Sometimes, Bitty wasn’t quite sure how he’d gotten so lucky. Well, all right. He knew a few things about how he’d gotten here. Applying to the baker’s job at the Boston Whole Foods on a drunken whim was the start of it, really. He’d only done it to get Shitty to shut up – and to procrastinate some more on writing his thesis. Only to get called in for an interview a week later. And get the job a few days after that. Sure, he’d spent months living in Shitty’s guest room, but he’d paid a portion of rent, and eventually, when Chicago had been opening eight new stores, Bitty had been asked how he felt about a move. And a promotion to head baker.

He’d taken it, of course. Chicago had winter, but hell, so did Boston. And it had been awfully nice to truly be on his own, to really stretch his wings. He loved all his friends, he did. But living with Shitty in Boston had felt so much like an extension of college that some days, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to come into his own.

And now, here he was, sipping his coffee in Andersonville on a gorgeous sunny Chicago summer day. He’d left retail behind and had been a personal stylist for almost two years now. He had an apartment with a view of Lake Michigan. And he got to do things like this… just stroll down the street, having time to himself, able to be out of the closet and comfortable in his own skin at twenty-five years old. As he walked past the shops toward George’s – he felt like ice cream – Bitty’s eyes landed on a well-muscled guy in a tight grey tee-shirt and bright teal jeans. He could only see him from the back, but lord, Bitty liked what he saw. Andersonville had a well-deserved reputation as being a very gay-friendly neighborhood, and during the summer, the rainbow stickers and flags came out in full force.

As he got closer, Bitty could hear snatches of the conversation, and couldn’t help but listen a bit.

“-really nice of you, but uh, I’ve-” The guy in the teal pants took a small step backwards, but another guy – a bigger guy, Bitty noticed – put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

“What, you got somewhere to be that’s better?”

“I just- like I said, I’m flattered,” teal jeans guy said, “but I-”

“Come on,” and now Bitty was close enough to see that the other guy was sneering. “Baby, you’re obviously dressed for it. Are you really trying to tell me your twink ass wasn’t gonna get picked up?”

“I- please-”

Bitty heard the slight tremor in teal jeans guy’s voice. Oh no, this was not going to happen, not on his watch. Bitty caught the eye of one of the employees, who nodded and moved toward the pair. He knew Tim was a good guy, and he was huge… Bitty wasn’t stupid, he wanted to help, but if things got ugly, he knew he couldn’t really do much to stop the other guy.

Quickly sliding up to teal jeans guy, he let his voice get louder, putting as much force behind the volume as he could, and desperately hoping that teal jeans guy would understand that he was trying to help him.

“Oh, there you are sweetpea! I’ve been lookin’ all over for you! Definitely my fault, I thought you said we were gonna meet later, and then I was all rushed – but here you are!” He put an arm around his back, a bit higher than he normally might have if this guy were actually his boyfriend, but he didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable than he already was. Bitty was halfway up on tiptoe to press a soft kiss to the guy’s cheek to really sell it when he froze. Bitty knew that face, even though he hadn’t seen it since his sophomore year of college.

Kent Parson.

Kent Parson was here. In Chicago. At George’s, getting ice cream. And Bitty had been about to kiss him. This revelation completely stopped him in his tracks, but for his part Kent went with it, his eyes widening slightly as he saw Bitty, but relaxing a second later as he leaned down and pressed a feather-light kiss to Bitty’s jaw.

“Hey babe,” he said softly. “Was about to text you, thanks for finding me.”

Bitty heard the unspoken thank you under this innocuous sentence.

The other guy scoffed. “Figures you’d find the one guy twinkier than you.”

Before either Kent or Bitty could say anything else, Tim growled up from behind the other guy. “We got a problem?”

Bitty smirked as the asshole went about four shades paler, and gently pulled Kent away. “Come on honey, let’s get out of here.”

Kent glanced back once, but quickly followed.

Once they were about a block away, Bitty dropped his hand, trying not to think about the part of him that missed its warm weight in his.

“Um,” Kent said, “that guy, um, is he…” he trailed off a bit, looking lost.

“Oh sure, Tim’ll be fine. He sort of acts as an unofficial bouncer, and he’s helped me out of a couple jams before. I’ve been where you were,” he explained, “honestly, it’s like men are determined to be trash across all sexualities. Ugh, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

Kent just gave him a soft smile. “Thanks for the rescue, Eric.”

For the second time in ten minutes, Bitty’s brain stuttered to a halt. “You- you remember me? I mean,” he added quickly, “I definitely know who you are, but back there didn’t seem like the place to say. You had enough unwanted attention and- lord, here I go rambling when I asked you a question-” A horrible thought occurred to Bitty. If Kent remembered him from Epikegster all those years ago, he probably didn’t have the best opinion of him for eavesdropping on what had been a very private conversation.

“Yeah, I remember you,” Kent said. His face has the slightest blush, but his voice seemed easy. “You were really nice about asking for selfies… and you were the only one who asked me something about myself at that party,” he said. “Well, something that didn’t involve hockey.”

Bitty didn’t want to leave the elephant in the room, but before he could say anything, Kent beat him to it.

“I uh… I also remember you from outside Zi- Jack’s room,” he said, and now Kent was blushing in earnest. “So, um. I know you probably don’t- well, thanks for helping me, especially since you probably don’t like me much.”

Kent shuffled his feet, and Bitty’s heart clenched. “Oh honey, no,” he said. Kent’s eyes snapped up to meet his from where they’d been examining a piece of gum on the sidewalk.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better,” he said softly. “It’s okay.”

“I’m not lying though,” Bitty said. “Sure, there was a while there where I hated you,” and as he said it, Kent winced, though he looked like he was trying to hide it. That wouldn’t do. Bitty kept talking, trying to get the words out fast enough that he could erase that look from Kent’s face.

“But as I kept thinking about it, I just… honey, I realized that whatever went on, I didn’t know everything, y’know? There was a whole history there, and a door between me’n y’all… and lord knows I’ve seen Jack be a jerk. He’s been one to me enough before. And I’d be a big ol’ hypocrite if I got mad at you for saying things in the heat of the moment, goodness knows that I’ve done that before when I got mad at someone. Jack even said once that y’all both owed each other apologies… honey, I couldn’t hate you anymore for that.”

Kent looked about as lost and confused as Bitty had felt a few minutes ago. “Wow,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone be that nice to their boyfriend’s ex before,” he said, though his eyes had gone soft again and he looked grateful.

“Boy- what are you talking about, Kent?”

And Kent looked confused again. “Aren’t… you and Jack… I mean…”

Oh. Okay, now some things made sense, and as this last piece clicked into place, the knowledge that Kent was aware of Jack’s bisexuality from personal confirmation threw the Epikegster fight into clarity for him. “Kent, no… no, we’re not,” Bitty said gently.

“But – but I saw how he was looking at you. I know what that look means,” he said.

Bitty chuckled. “That makes one of us. I had no idea until he kissed me at his graduation.”

“He didn’t.”

“He did. Ran across campus and everything. But being honest? He’d never given me the slightest hint that he wasn’t straight as an arrow, and I’d gone and gotten over my crush a few months earlier. Plus, he hadn’t ever really apologized to me for all the trouble he’d put me through my freshman year.”

Kent looked like at least this sentiment he understood.

Bitty took a chance. “We’re still friends. But after a while, you know, once I was a few boyfriends into my own love life, I realized that whatever was between y'all – and lord, I am not fixing to pry into your business, that is between y'all two, not me – anyway, whatever it was, there was probably more happening than I realized. So I figured it wasn't worth dwelling on, y'know?"

Kent was looking at him with such a soft smile that Bitty felt stripped bare, open and vulnerable, but he didn’t feel exposed. The air around him felt strange, like something was happening, or beginning to happen, and whatever it was would put Bitty on a path forward.

Kent bit his lip, rubbing his neck. Then he gave Bitty a sort of hopeful grin. "So... I don't actually know what you do for a living, so feel free to tell me to fuck off... but do have any advice for how to spend my afternoon? I only ever get here for games, and like, this city is supposed to be really pretty this time of year?"

Bitty laughed. "So you visit hockey cities during the off season?"

Kent shrugged, looking a little embarrassed, but he didn’t deny it. "I don't really have anything to do until August, and I make more money than I'm ever gonna spend anyway. Might as well see the sights. I travel a lot for games, but we're never anywhere long enough to..." he paused, fingers grasping like he was trying to find the right word.

"To breathe?" Bitty supplied, thinking that if his earlier guess about Kent was correct, and he also wasn't out to his team, he could certainly understand wanting to get away from Vegas and just be another faceless tourist.

Kent nodded. “Is…” he started to talk, but then cut himself off, like maybe Bitty wouldn’t want to hear it.

“Go ahead hun,” Bitty nodded.

“…is it weird that I still kinda want ice cream?”

Bitty laughed. “No, not at all. But for obvious reasons, I think we oughta go somewhere else.”

“We?” Kent seemed more shocked by this than anything.

“Sure, hun. I was there for ice cream too.” Unless Kent wanted to be by himself? “I mean, I’m not trying to impose or anything,” he said.

“Eric, you live here.”

“Exactly,” he argued. “I live here, I can go wherever I want, whenever I want. You’re only here for a little while, I don’t wanna ruin your vacation.”

“You already saved it,” Kent said softly.

“Well then,” Bitty said, knowing by now that Kent would try to hide this unplanned admission under a layer of sarcasm, “let’s get goin’. I know another place that’s got great frozen custard and is only a half mile from the beach.”

Lord, how could anyone in the media ever think they’d seen Kent Parson’s real smile? Compared to this one, the Media Smirk™ was clearly pasted on and faker than a soccer mom’s blonde highlights.

They walked along, chatting companionably about a host of topics, both easily keeping up conversation. Bitty frequently found himself wanting to hold Kent’s hand again, which was weird, considering he’d only held it before for about thirty seconds, and that had all been a ruse anyway.

Roughly forty-five minutes later, they both had big cones of frozen custard. Bitty had chosen chocolate, but he couldn’t stop staring at Kent’s vanilla. Not because he wished he’d chosen that flavor… but because he couldn’t stop staring at Kent’s tongue as he licked long, swirling stripes around the twisted curly-que of his cone. He was positive that Kent wasn’t doing it on purpose. But lord, it was doing things to him to keep watching it. Things. Things like making him imagine what it might be like to kiss Kent.

“-beach?”

“Huh?” Bitty shook his head, dislodging the glorious image of Kent pinning him on a long beach chair and giving him cold sweet kisses that tasted like vanilla until he couldn’t remember his own name. He shouldn’t be thinking like that.

Kent smiled, giving his ice cream another lick. “You said something about a beach,” he repeated. “I mean, we’re probably like, fifteen hundred miles from the ocean in either direction, but I could definitely get us plane tickets if you’re really that desperate.”

And there was a thought. Kent probably would do it too, if Bitty asked him to. For a fleeting moment, Bitty almost considered taking him up on it… but he knew he had a client meeting tomorrow afternoon.

“Oceans aren’t the only beaches in this country, Mr. Parson,” he said, bumping his shoulder against Kent’s, and feeling a flush of warmth when Kent blushed and bumped him back. “Come on, let’s go.”

The ice cream was finished before they rounded the last block, which was good for a few reasons. Bitty wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle watching Kent’s tongue, but he also wanted to be able to fully appreciate Kent’s face when he saw the lake for the first time. He pulled out his phone in anticipation, hoping he could get a decent picture. Bitty wasn’t disappointed. They curved around from Thorndale to Sheridan and there she was, laid out in glittering deep cerulean glory.

Kent gasped softly, and Bitty stayed half a step to the side as he clicked a quick picture of the look of absolute surprise and delight on Kent’s face as he looked out over Lake Michigan. He checked to make sure the picture had taken, and gasped himself. The look on Kent’s face was so – it was – it was perfect. Bitty looked up. He had to see if the real Kent was as beautiful as the photograph.

The photograph didn’t do him justice. The line of his shoulders was open and relaxed, and Bitty followed it up to Kent’s jaw, his mouth gently curving in a delighted smile, his eyes, soft and beautiful, reflecting the bright blue of the lake, his sun-kissed freckles on his nose, and his flyaway golden hair, sunlight made substance as it blew in the soft breeze. This boy… this beautiful boy.

Without quite knowing how it happened, Bitty found his hands closing around Kent’s, who finally looked away from the lake and met Bitty’s eyes.

“Thank you,” Kent murmured. “Thank you so much, Eric. I- Today’s been-”

“Can I kiss you?” The question came out in a whisper, Bitty having asked without consciously deciding to.

Kent’s eyes went wide, his face flushing, though with embarrassment or want, Bitty wasn’t sure. Bitty watched as his eyes shifted, first going a bit grey, then green seeping in. When Kent spoke, it was in a voice even softer than Bitty’s.

“You really want to?”

He sounded so hopeful, but wary, like he expected to hear Bitty change his mind, to offer something he desperately wanted only to take it away.

Bitty couldn’t make the words come out, so he just nodded, bringing one hand up to gently brush his fingers through Kent’s hair.

Kent didn’t wait any longer, leaning down and meeting Bitty’s lips with his own, tentative and shy at first. Bitty’s eyes dropped closed as he let his fingertips slide through Kent’s hair, down his neck, gripping his shoulder. He wanted to hold Kent, to pull him closer, but he also didn’t want to lose the warmth of Kent’s hand in his.

Kent didn’t seem to want to lose it either. One of his hands found its way to Bitty’s waist and curled him closer. Bitty took the hint and pushed himself up on his tiptoes, wanting to be closer, to feel himself entirely pressed up against Kent, to feel every one of his muscles as Kent held him in turn.

After a minute – or several sunlit days, Bitty wasn’t sure – they broke apart, foreheads touching, fingers still intertwined, both breathing a bit heavy. Bitty broke the silence first.

“You got plans for dinner?” he asked, voice a bit husky.

Kent’s answering chuckle was just as deep. “Whatever you’re doing is good enough for me.”

“How long’re you here for?” he asked, meaning Chicago. But Kent’s response sent a thrill through him down to his toes, and Bitty knew that his earlier feeling had been right. This was definitely a new path, but he knew he’d be on this one for good.

“As long as you’ll have me.”

“An awful long time then.”

Kent’s kisses did taste like vanilla.