#look okay don't @ me but grease 2 is so much better than grease

[daisyvisions]

Screw It In Tight - (j.b)

Summary: Just a normal day to go to the car shop and get yours repaired. Nothing out of the ordinary right? Well… not really. Your mechanic looks too hot for his own good. Will you be able to control your raging hormones around each other?

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Smut (18+, minors DNI), mechanic!Jacob, strangers to lovers, unprotected sex (be safe irl!), clothed sex, major creampie, fingering, orgasm denial, French kissing, groping, teasing, pet name (sweetheart)

A/N: Happy Birthday to our heaven-sent Jacob! I had fun writing this and really felt in my element. Okay I mentioned there's a crotch zipper in the overall I know that's not how overalls work but fuck it HAHA enjoy 😘

On a fine Saturday afternoon, your dad tasked you with bringing his car to the shop to have it repaired. For a while, the car had been having trouble starting properly, taking a few tries to get the engine running before you could drive out.

In the middle of driving, it would make strange jittery sounds, making the car ride to the auto shop pretty nerve-wracking. Luckily, you made it there in one piece.

As soon as you parked and got out of the car, you saw a pair of denim-covered legs wheeled under another car. You walked towards the figure, suspecting that this was the person you needed to talk to about your car troubles.

“Uh, excuse me? I'm here to get my car fixed,” you asked. As soon as you finished, the mechanic wheeled himself out from under, pulling himself up.

He was all sweaty, hands covered in grease, wearing nothing under his denim overalls. His muscles all big and shiny from the sheen of sweat from the heat. He looked like he came straight out of an erotic novel.

Oh dear god…

“Hey, what can I help you with, sweetheart?” his melodic voice snapped you back from your trance. This can't be real…

“I-uh. I-I'm here to get my dad's car f-fixed,” you repeated yourself, stuttering like a fool.

“You're my 2 o'clock?” he questioned, wiping the sweat on his forehead and draping the hand towel on his shoulder.

“Yeah I'm yours. Ah- wait. No, I meant I'm your 2 o'clock”. You internally panicked as your cheeks started becoming warm. Your eyes tried to look somewhere for a moment other than his.

Get a fucking grip, you mentally cursed yourself.

“Uh-huh…” his eyes quickly checked you out before subtly licking his lips and smiling. Amused at how a pretty thing like you was all nervous.

“W-why do you ask?” you questioned as your eyes glued to your shoes.

“I was expecting the middle-aged man I was on the phone with to appear-” he paused while walking up to you and stopping just enough to have a proper distance in-between you two.

You looked up at him as soon as you saw his shoes in your peripheral. Oh, god, he's even more handsome up close.

“-but this is much better.” He smiled, making your knees buckle. He stuck out his hand in front of you. “I'm Jacob.” You reached out to shake his hand and told him your name in return.

He swore he's never heard a name sweeter than yours, repeating it back to you so he could remember how smoothly it rolls off his tongue.

“Okay, let's see the damage…” He clapped his hands together before going over to your car.

After a few minutes looking at the car parts in question, he closed the hood of the car and smiled back at you.

“Alright, so it's not that bad. Just need to adjust a few parts, then you can be on your way. I can get this done in a few hours, as soon as you get back,” he said.

“Oh-uh, okay,” you shyly replied. There was a quick awkward silence between you two.

“… well, if you don't have anything to do while waiting, you wanna keep me company instead?”

“I've never fixed a car before…” you replied.

“That's alright, sweetheart. You don't have to do the work. Just sit there and continue looking pretty for me while you hand me the tools. Sound good?” he smiled.

You instantly blushed from the compliment. He called you pretty.

You nodded in response as you seemed to forget what words were in that moment.

“Let's get to it then!”

Staying to “help” Jacob wasn't as bad as you thought. The more time passed by, the more you were getting to know each other better. From recent TV shows, music, literally anything under the sun. In-between, you would even ask him the different parts of the engine you see, and he happily explained.

You also noticed how being warm and gentle comes naturally to him every time he would give you a smile or laugh at something you said. Oh, you were starting to fall. Was this normal?

“So what got you into fixing cars?” you asked.

“Well, my uncle would always call me to either hand him tools or just watch while he would fix the car. Then one day he actually let me fix a car on my own, and I guess it just came naturally to me,” he shrugged while hovering over the open hood and tightening a loose screw inside.

“Would you be able to teach me sometime?” You smiled at him. He looked over his shoulder and smiled back, making your heart pound against your chest.

“Wanna try now?” he looked at you with excitement in his eyes.

“I don't know…”

“It's okay. I'll guide you. Come here.” He motioned his hand.

You slowly got off from the stool you were sitting on and walked towards him. He instantly handed you the wrench and walked behind you.

“You see that bolt there?” He pointed out the part in question, his other free hand lightly resting on your waist. You felt the warmth of his body radiating behind you. His voice was a little too close to your ear, making your spine shiver.

“Y-yeah…” you gulped.

“Just tighten that using the wrench, and we'll be done for the day.”

“Really? Just this last bit?” you looked over your shoulder to face him. His face was closer to you than you anticipated.

“Yeah! I'll let you finish the job.” He grinned.

You turned back quickly before he could see you blush like a little schoolgirl and did what he said. As you screwed the bolt in, you let out a very faint grunt that nearly sounded like a moan.

You felt his fingers press further into your waist and heard him mumble something under his breath that you couldn't catch.

“Is this good?” you asked.

He leaned his other hand forward to where you were holding the wrench, making his body push against yours as his bulge nestled in-between your ass.

“Tighter.” He whispered in your ear.

Your eyes nearly rolled back from the vibrations of his deep voice coursing through your body, attempting to ignore the slight throb in your cunt as you tightened the bolt until it was firmly set in its place.

“There!” you exclaimed.

“Good job, sweetheart.” He purred in your ear.

“T-thank you….” You felt your hands clamming up. You were ready to dash out of this place before you embarrass yourself any further.

Before things started getting awkward, you both took a step back so Jacob could finally close the hood of the car. You handed him back the wrench, and he walked towards his table to set it down.

As you wiped the sweat on your cheek, Jacob called out your name. The moment you turned around, he saw a small bit of grease on your cheek and chuckled before walking back to you with a clean hand towel.

“What's so funny?” You smiled back at him.

“You got a little something there.” He pointed to your cheek. But before you could react, he took the towel from his hand and wiped it gently for you.

Your breath hitched at the close proximity of his face with yours. You could feel his breath lightly fanning on your lips. Your mind was getting dizzy just from smelling his cologne mixed with his sweat.

His eyes shifted to yours after wiping the stain on your cheek. He felt the same electricity you felt. Your eyes glimmering naturally, putting him into some kind of trance the more he stared into them.

Without realizing it, he cupped the side of your cheek with his hand and leaned closer, his bottom lip grazing yours. You gasped at the light friction.

“Is this okay?” He whispered into your mouth.

You nodded as he finally leaned in to kiss you. You started wrapping your arms around his shoulders as his hands pulled you closer by the waist. You kissed each other as if you've done it before. Your lips fitting perfectly together like a puzzle piece.

As soon as you opened your mouth in between the kiss, Jacob didn't hesitate to snake his tongue inside. The wet muscle tried to explore the taste of you as you whimpered from the way it moved inside your mouth.

You returned the gesture, doing the same thing. Tongues molding into one another as he let out a groan. This continued for a moment until you both stopped to catch your breath.

He immediately spun you around and pressed your hips against the hood of the car, holding your waist in place as he pressed his hard on against your ass. His other hand brushed the hair on your neck aside as he litters your skin with kisses and light bites.

“Not gonna lie, sweetheart, the moment I saw you enter, I knew I was a goner..s'fucking pretty…” he mumbled against your skin, kissing the sensitive spot behind your ear. His hands started traveling towards your chest, squeezing the flesh of your tits as he continued to kiss your neck.

You continued to whimper from the sensations of his warm mouth and hands on you. Massaging your breasts and pinching your sensitive buds through your blouse. His hand let go of one of your breasts and rubbed the curve of your ass with his palm before he snaked it under your skirt.

His fingers immediately rubbed your folds through your soaking underwear. You felt his lips smirk against your neck.

“So fucking wet. This all for me, sweetheart?” he asked.

“Uh-huh…” you moaned out. Proper words becoming non-existent at this point.

You felt him push your underwear to the side, immediately dipping his middle finger inside your wet hole. He didn't take his time as he pumped his digit in and out of you. Hearing the squelch of your cunt, sending his cock to throb, the front of his boxers starting to become wet just like yours.

“M-more Jacob. Pleaaaseee….” you begged. He added another finger, pistoning them inside you like there's no tomorrow.

“Baby, I'm so hard for you- shit…” he groaned against your ear as he started curling his fingers inside you. He felt you getting close to your high as your moans started slurring and your velvety walls clenched his digits tighter. As you felt yourself at the very edge of your orgasm, he immediately pulled his fingers out.

“Wait-no!” you panted.

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I really wanna feel you cum around my cock. Is that okay?” he asked.

“O-okay…” you mumbled.

You started hearing the front of his overalls unzip behind you. He shoved his fingers inside your mouth, letting you taste your sweet juices as he pulled out his incredibly hard and heavy cock from his boxers.

He gave his cock a few pumps before pressing his leaking tip into your hole.

“F-fuckkkk” now it's his turn to stutter. It's only the tip of his cock inside, and you already felt so warm and tight for him, knowing he won't be lasting long as soon as he pushes his whole length inside you.

You didn't even have time to see what his cock looks like. But you could definitely feel it pushing all the way inside you, stretching you out so good.

Oh, he's a thick one.

“You okay, sweetheart?” he checked up on you.

“M-move…” and just like that, he started pounding his cock inside you. Burying himself so deep to make the tip of his cock kisses your cervix.

He wrapped his arm around your neck, flushing your back against his as he continued to drag his heavy cock in and out of your walls. The sounds of skin slapping and mixed juices squelching making lose his mind. His balls slapping against your ass as he gives you hard and deep thrusts.

“I-I don't think I can last long, sweetheart. I'm so close…” he groaned.

“C-cum with me.” you whined.

“Where?” he pants. His cock throbbing inside you as he aches for his release.

“Inside. Please, inside!” He let out a guttural groan as soon as he explodes inside you. His cock throbbing and twitching as he keeps cumming inside you. The type of load that is bound to rush out of your tiny hole quick the moment he pulls out.

He lightly kissed your neck to help you both calm down as he slowly pulled his cock out of you, making sure none of his cum dripped on your clothes or shoes.

“Stay there, I'll help you get cleaned up.” He tucks his member back inside his overalls before rushing to get a fresh warm towel to wipe you down with.

As soon as you're both done fixing yourselves, he hands you the keys and walks you over to your car. He lays his hand on top of yours as you reach for the door handle.

“Will… I be able to see you again?” he shyly asks, his eyes shimmering with hope. You place your index finger on your lips and tap them, pretending to look like you're in deep thought.

“Take me out on a date, and maybe you can.” You smile back at him. His heart instantly melts at that. He leans forward to kiss you one last time.

“Deal.”

“Hey kiddo, you're home late.” Your dad announces as soon as you close the front door.

“Uh- yeah, I decided to help the mechanic a little bit. You know, learn about cars.” You try to hold back a grin forming on your lips as you remember what had just happened to you a few moments earlier.

“That's good! So I believe you've met Jacob then?” your dad asks.

“Yeah, I did. He's very nice…” you smile.

“Good.” He replies. “You know… I think you should try going out with that fellow. He's a real gentleman. Might be your type.” Your dad suggests.

And that's when you chuckle. Your hot and steamy moment replaying in your mind,

“Yeah, a real gentleman alright…”

[sturnwritess]

Things always end, Pt 2

(just figured out that there will be multiple parts, DW IT WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING)

warnings: mention of smut, angst, drinking and kissing lmk if there is more.

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You just lied in your bed wondering what went wrong? It's not like you never had sex, you guys were animals when it came to sex. You had everything that dumb blonde had, she just did everything better than what you could've ever done. After all she was prettier than you, but could she ever love matt more than you?

flashback.

He was on top of you making pornographic sounds. You were like a lost puppy being demanded when it came to sex with matt. You liked how he would tease you with his tip before aligning himself with you before making harsh thrusts. You knew no one else could make you feel how matt makes you feel.

end of flashback.

You groan and cry in your bed wishing matt was there making everything feel better. He always knew how to cheer you up after rough fights. He loved you so much and maybe still does but you couldn't let the thought of matt not loving you anymore seep into your brain.

You finally decided to get you lazy ass up out of bed. You could feel the grease in your hair, and you started to hate the feeling. You got in the bathroom and started undressing and you had thoughts of why matt left you. I mean her body is perfect why couldn't mine be. Is all you thought, pushing those thoughts aside you decided to run a shower. You step in to feel the warm water soak your body.

After you got out of the shower, you started to look for clothes around your room. You had finally found flare leggings, a dark red hoodie, and your favorite red converse. You got ready and decided to put on makeup, blush, concealer, contour, mascara and setting spray just to finish the look.

As you started going down the stairs, your best friend Nicole was already waiting for you. Since she heard you scrambling around your room, she had two cups of coffee ready. She was already ready to go somewhere with you, you sat down next to her already sipping the cup of coffee.

"Hey y/n, are you ok?" she asked, "yes I'm okay, and thank you for taking care of me these past two weeks, I've been a mess." you said.

"Of course, y/n you're my best friend and I love you." she says. "Hey why don't we go out, since were already dressed." she asks. "That would be a great idea, I already needed to go to Walmart." you reply.

You guys are walking down the driveway to your car, you start your car and drive. You drove past the cafe you and matt would always go to, Nicole notices and gives you a rub on the shoulder.

You head to Walmart, park your car and notice a car that looks like matt's car. You shrug it off and walked into Walmart.

You and Nicole go separate ways and you go to the blanket section and grab a silk, white blanket. You put it in your cart and go to the candle section to get a vanilla bean candle, you see someone down that isle without getting a good look at them.

You go around trying to find another way into the isle, once you got in the isle you saw his face and her face. His arm around her waist, she was curled up into him like a baby kitten. pathetic. You thought to yourself, it didn't take matt to notice someone else was trying to get through.

He didn't see your face due to the hood of your hoodie over your head, but he knew it was you. The way you smelled, the way you walked and not to mention that was his hoodie. He saw your eye's, they had no shine like they used to.

Then and there his heart crumbled, not caring for the girl beside him. You looked at him, you locked eyes for 5 seconds but felt like 5 minutes before her annoying voice asked him "what are you staring at Matty?" He knew your heart shattered at that point.

Thats the name you used to call him, you grabbed the candle and got out of that isle as soon as you could. One part of you wished Matt had followed you all through Walmart. But your thoughts got pushed aside when you ran into Chris.

He apologized not knowing it was you, once he smelled your perfume and looked at your red converse. He instantly asked how you were doing, though he could not see your face he knew you were still sad and torn up about everything. He knew Matt was in the store with Gracie, and he could tell you saw them the way you were rushing through the store.

The thing about Chris is that he was madly in love with you, and you never had the thought of him loving you since it was always about Matt. You loved Chris of course but never thought of him that way, Chris would always give you a big hug after Matt and you fought.

Y/N? he asked, "hey Chris, how are you doing?" you reply. "I've called you y/n, 19 times." he says " I'm sorry I just never got on my phone since..." you say looking down at your feet. Before Chris could say anything Nicole finally had found you, "hey y/n, oh hey Chris." she says. "Hey Nicole." "It was nice talking to you" you say to Chris.

As you say goodbye you turned around and waved at Chris, then Matt walks up noticing you leaving. He caught your eye, and you caught his. You wondered where Gracie was at.

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OKIE DOKIE IM MAKING MORE PARTS DW, if this flops I'm like going to quit :). I spent 2 hours on this. The first part i did was on my phone, this time it was on my compute. lmk which is better.

@chrisenthusiast @chrissolosa @christinarowie332 @chrissturniolossidehoe @chrissturniolodaily @chrissturn @mattsnymphette @mattitties @mattsgirlie @mattsturniolosgf @mattsturn @mattsturnioloarchive @nicksnosering @mattsturniolosworld @chrissturniolosbf @mattsturniololover @padlocksturn @sturncrazy @sturniolopowers @sturnioloskies @sturnspoison @sturnioloshacker @sturniolo @madisonbeer @madifilipabitch @carolinalikesthings @junnniiieee07

[hjcoolartnerd]

TDC Episode 2: All Aboard part 2

A/N: *This season of TDC all players are adults even the reboot ones. they are 20, PI are 24, ROTI are 25 and the Original cast are 27.*

Previous Episode:

All Aboard part 1

Recap Voice Over:

"Last Time on Total Drama Cruiser! 36 crew member were brought back for an exciting new season, divided in to 4 teams of 9. some liked their teams others not so much. We learned why some people didn't return to the game and we also found out who might be this season's antagonist jajaja. We also found out the way of elimination the plank of shame. who will be the first one to dive into shark infested waters? and who will be setting foot in our economy class? Find out right here on Total! Drama! Cruise!"

Chris and the crew mates were all on the beach of Hawaii a familiar beach for everyone who was a spectator of the World Tour Finally "Today's challenge we will be divided into 3 parts. first part you will decide who will sit out of the second and third part of the challenge." Chris smirked as he pointed to the four cages "That person will sit there on their first half and they have to eat disgusting food prepared by today's surprise guess. World Tour's Winner, Alejandro!" As Chriss announces who would be preparing the disgusting food, a Helicopter drops Alejandro with him Heather. "Al Buddy, I am only needed you. That who I'm paying only 50 dollars. " Chris said "Well, I don't go anywhere with out Alejandro" Heather spoke as she held Alejandro's hand. "So these are the pathetic looser you chose for your new season?" Alejandro sneered as he saw everyone "Oh looked an Eel dipped in Grease." Noah said. "Al" Justin said "Justin" Alejandro replied. Justin glaring at him while Alejandro just smirked.

"I hate that smooth talker! He thinks he is better than me because he could get more people to fall for him! He is nothing compared to me! I'm the original pretty boy! He is just a copy!" Justin's Confessional.

"The Last person to puke their disgusting food would get a 5 min head start in the next part of the challenge." Chris said "Alejandro and Heather will make the grossest food, while each of you choose who is going to eat from your own team." Everyone looked at eachother and they got in circle. Screaming Eagles: "Okay Team, we need someone who isn't grossed out easily and cost us the advantage." Carlos said taking the lead "Blainley can't do it because she cheated during her gross food challenge." Blainley glared at him "Who volunteers? Kyle? Julia? Your season had really disgusting food." Carlos pointed out "Yeah but I wasn't the one to eat a type wyrm that was Julia." Kyle smirked as Julia glared at him "Gross! No I am not Doing it! Why not you big guy?" She points to rodney "You were raised on a farm" Everyone turns to Rodney "Me? I.. Uhhh.. well you see...." Rodney began stuttering before he shrugs. "It might be the best plan, most of us here dont tolerate gross foods" Trent said thinking back to season 1. "And I can't eat anything gross! Not Even Chef's Food!" Anna Maria said. "That's because paying attention to your physical appearance is a cry of help! and you secretly love the fact that you can get to be yourself with daniel." Dawn said as Anne Maria glared t Dawn.

"Carlos and maybe Kyle, Julia and Rodney seem to be the only other strong competitors in our team... Blainley should go out as soon as we get a change and Carlos and Trent agree. But right now I need to focus and don't let my anger take over" Eva's Confessional.

"So Rodney is our pick?" Eva asked. "Seems like it." Kyle said smiling. Julia then pulls Kyle aside "Hey We need to talk" She told him as he pulled him away from the team "Yes Julia?" He asked "You know we are at A voting dis advantage right? If we lose, Eva, Carlos, Trent, Dawn and Anne Maria could team up to vote us off. We are the newbies and despite our differences we have to work together at least until we reach the merge." Julia said as Kyle listened "Yeah but how can i trust you? You aren't exactly trustworthy Julia. I Haven't forgotten what You did to Caleb and Priya." Kyle said with his hands on his hips "True I am not exactly trust worthy. But. If we could work together we could ride the challenges." She said. "Yeah but if we work together our team will avoid most eliminations, Not Counting Blainley and Anne Maria the rest of us are good at challenges." Kyle said "That what we need. Work together and not Kill each other in the prosses." Julia though about it "You are right..." She said.

"Kyle, is smart. and He knows how to play well as a team... which is why he can't stay longer that 25th place. I'll keep him for as long as I can and then Boot him. Like his Cousin Eric he always make it far and I am planning to stop that." Julia's Confessional.

"I don't trust Julia One bit! But if I can help my team work together we could ride off every challenge without going to the poop deck and manage to avoid elimination. With me, Carlos, Julia, Eva, Trent, Dawn and Rodney. we have a fair chance. I'm doing this for Wayner and Rajie.... and Bowie. and to get back into the Hockey team. If i prove that I can be a team player the coach has to let me back right?" Kyle's Confessional.

Killer Hornets: "Okay so which of us has the most Iron stomach?" Daniel asked as all The girls looked away avoiding Daniel's eye. "Great.. None of us have guts." Noah said as he looked at everyone "Yeah, My Great Great Great Great Great Great-" Daniel sighed "For Crying out loud Stacy be useful and shut your damn Mouth for once!" He snapped. "I Vote Staci for the eating part!" Sadie said as she raised her hand. "Me too." Katie said smiling "What?! Why me" Stacy replied. "I'm not against it" Daniel smirked "Sure why not. Nichelle? Sammy? Jane? Beardo?" Noah asked "Fine by me! I don't like disgusting foods" Sammy said. Both Beardo and Jane agreed. "I also agree with that." Nichelle said as they all looked at Stacy who is worried and confused.

"I had to take the leadership role of my team. we are the worst team. Worst than the grips. Maybe I need a new game strategy this season." Daniel's confessional.

"It's strange to see Daniel take a leader ship role. He usually stays in the back hidden. But I don't blame him. Have you seen our team?" Noah's confessional.

"My Great Great great Great great great grandfather created prisons, Before him, people used to walk cuffed all around and even ran away and policeman had to round them up.... And My great Great great great great-" Stacy's Confessional.

"So yeah, this team sucks.... At least my previous teams had good players, but this one?! This one is the worst! The other three teams are better especially the Pidgeon's, They have a mutant! A Mutant! They have the advantage." Jane's Confessional.

Ferocious Pidgeons: "Okay we all have to agree that Dakotazoid will do the first part of the challenge right?" Bryan said as he rounded up the team. "And why should we listen to you man?" Tyler asked as he looked at Bryan "You haven't been the best player in previous seasons and a cheater mind you." Geoff added. "Sam yeah... You are like Alejandro and Heather but Worst" Sam said.

"I am nothing Like Alejandro or Heather! And I learned strategy, My girl back home aka Courtney taught me a few strategies i could use to make it far, And one thing is being a team player. She made me watch every season of total drama, learn from everyone's mistakes." Bryan's Confessional.

"I fine with Bryan's Plan" Dakotazoid said as Bryan smiled "Alright who is against it?" He looked at the others and they stayed silent "Good, with Dakotazoid we might win this first half." He smiled.

Turkeys of Death: "I volunteer myself for the challenge" Ezekiel said "With my toxic saliva i could dissolve the food and when i eat it I wont have must taste." He said as everyone looked at him "But isn't eating Toxines dangerous for you" Millie asked. "Not since i got mutated in Chris' mine." He said nodding. "I like you enthusiasm Zeke, but Ripper is the grossest one here, I bet he can eat without vomiting" Sierra said. "Me? why?!" He asked. "Mmmm I don't know.... Be who do you think should do the challenge?" Brick asked B and B pointed at Ripper. "agreed." Brick added. "I think Zeke should do it if he want's to do it" Justin said smiling

"If Zeke's looses us the advantage guess who the team votes for.... Yeah Mutant Homeschool. This is my season. I need to show them that I'm a better version of my Action self." Justin's confessional.

"What do you think cutie" Justin asked Amy who had been staring at him. "Oh me? Uh I vote Zeke!" She smiled and looks away blushing. "okay that's 3 votes Zeke, 3 votes Ripper. Millie? Topher Ripper?" Sierras asked them "Definitely I vote ripper!" Millie said. "And I vote Zeke I don't want to eat disgusting Foods!"

"Justin is so attractive!" Amy's Confessional.

"I won't eat anything disgusting! I made a deal with Axel's brother that i will refrain from gross things!" Ripper's Confessional.

"I vote for....." Topher began as both Zeke and Ripper waited with anticipation for him to choose. "Zeke. It's the best choice! The toxic Saliva sounds like a good plan!"

The time to choose their prisoner was over as Chris told the selected person to walk forward. Rodney, Stacy, Dakotazoid and Zeke walked forward "Okay! You four step into your cages! Heather and Alejandro are finishing the gross food you four have to stomach." He smirked "The brough from the most disgusting trash they could find. While they finish, I'll give you the rules for the second part of the challenge, 7 members of each team, will create a sacrifice with no pineapple head, off Heather or Alejandro. If you have a female contestant in the cage you will build an Alejandro dummy, if you have a female you build a Heather dummy." Chris said. "Excellent! I wanted some revenge on Al, and now it is time. Even if it's a dummy" Bryan's Confessional.

"After building the dummy from those 7 , 3 will work together to the volcano and throw their sacrifice, after than they will race back down and run towards that side of the beach where depending the order you arrive in with is the order we will have the one on one part of the challenge. the first one to win 3 fights win immunity and get to travel to our next destination in first class. the team that losses 3 fights will get the poop deck and are forced to send someone home." Chris explain the rules, just as Alejandro, Chef, Heather and a red Head Inter. "Izzy?!" Everyone gasped when they saw the familiar crazy "Yep, Izzy Agreed to be my intern in exchange for fix her image, after her out burst on set" Chris smirked "Give the prisoner their, food." Chris said as the four went to each of the person in the cage, Chris press the airhorn signaling for the challenge too start

"This is so entertaining, Watching those loser eat disgusting food , for a million dollars. I Know I wanted the Money but, seeing them squirm is more entertaining. But I still want the Million don't get me wrong." Heather's confessional.

Dakotazoid and Zeke were having an easy time with the challenge, Zeke's saliva making it easy for him to eat, while Dakotazoid's stomach allowed her to eat without vomiting. How every Stacy couldn't eat one spoon full as she tried to eat she couldn't help but vomit. "And Stacy is Out!" Chris said as the Hornets sighed. Rodney wasn't that behind when he vomited. "And Rodney is also Out! Only Dakotazoid and Zeke's left maybe it's time to see some of the most disgusting blunders from total drama history, gotten from Sierra's blog." Chris said as Chef brought Chris' monitor. Izzy notices Al and Heather weren't there so he left into the boat to find them. While the challenge progressed Izzy was looking for Heather and Alejandro around the cruise ship

"If I had to think like those two, They'd be looking for the briefcase with the money in Chris quarters. He hired me as a Inter but I'm more like security. and Maybe explosive will get to Boom Boom!" Izzy's Confessional.

Heather and Alejandro were in the production suite of the production. Alejandro was looking near Chris' room while heather kept look out. "Hurry Up Alejandro! we need the money and then leave out of here." Heather said as she gave Alejandro a side eye as she kept watch. "Don't rush me! McLean's Room is disturbing! he has pictures of himself everywhere in this suite." Alejandro said from the room "And there is no way of knowing where he would hide the case.": he added. "There should be a safe around there." Heather said as he kept watch. "Ugh this is so frustrating!" Alejandro groaned. "That's How I wanted to catch you two jaja" Izzy said as Heather notices her "Oh Crap! Alejandro! IT's the Crazy girl!" Heather shouted at Alejandro. "What?! She was with Chef and Chris!" He said walking out and his eyes widening as he saw Izzy standing there "You two are not supposed to be here." She smirked "Production team and staff only! You two are only here to Demo the challenge.". Heather back away "I got lost Izzy... I was looking for the Confessional." She said trying to get away. "Yeah that's what we were doing" Alejandro said calm. "OH i do not believe that...." She smiled "Prepare to Face the power of Izzy" She began charging towards them, as Heather first instinct was to bolt out of there. "I am Out of here" Heather said running. "Pft I am not scared of You Izzy" Alejandro said

"Alejandro Is Crazy For challenging Izzy like that. I know he is muscular and a force to be reckoned with but Izzy is unpredictable and she can go on a head to head fight with Chef so I know he is risking loosing. But right now I needed to save my ass" Heather's confessional.

"I delt with Izzy during season 3 and she is nothing but a joke. I can easily take her" Alejandro's confessional.

"Heather is a smart cookie for running from the Izzy! But Alejandro will see just how capable this nut case is!" Izzy's confessional.

Izzy and Alejandro began having a hand to hand combat. Their fight were head to head as they fought, an Intense battle for two of the strongest ex competitors. Heather was running off from the Production suite. While they fought for a long time, and it appeared liked Alejandro had the upper hand when Izzy slowly changed the tides, tripping Alejandro and then tasing him "Izzy wins!" She exclaims as she then puts cuffs on Alejandro's wrist "Time to take you to the boats punishment cells" She said as she took Alejandro to the lower parts of the cruise ship where there were cells and she pushed Alejandro towards one of the cells "Now I need to find Heather" She said as she closed Alejandro's cell and left to go find heather.

"Izzy won't find me if I hide in first class right?" Heather's confessional.

Back with the Challenge They were still seeing disgusting scenes of Total Drama of people vomiting and Dakotazoid couldn't take it anymore. She had an Iron Stomach and she couldn't take much more of seeing past people vomiting. "And Zeke wins the advantage for the Turkeys of Death! they won the 5 min advantage in the Sacrifice Building Challenge!" Chris said as the Turkeys of Death celebrated. "Now teams choose who is going to be waiting at the other side of the island for the third part of the challenge.." Chris said as the teams reunited again

Turkeys of Death: The team were together except Ezekiel "Okay Who is the strongest member of our team?" Millie asked "I am!" Both Ripper and Brick spoke at the same time. "What? You are not the strong one I am!" They continued to talk at the same time "No I am!"

"I need to prove I'm the alpha male of the team! and show them I am the strongest here!" Ripper's confessional.

"I have military training, There is no doubt I am the strongest one!" Brick's confessional.

"Ugh, Can we just not Argue!" Amy said crossing her arms "Ripper will take the last part challenge and that's final!" She said as everyone stared at her. "Wow oaky miss bossy pants, Brick is the best choice he has military training!" Sierra said crossing her arms "But if we choose Ripper we could blame him if we loose, and he can be booted off" Justin said "Hey! I am not that bad! My girlfriend's brothers taught me how to be strong so i can keep their sister safe!" Ripper said as everyone exchanged glances at him "Okay Fine!" They all said at the same time. "If that's who is going to take the final challenge, then Me, Brick and B will take the Dummy up to the Volcano." Sierra said smiling.

Ferocious Pigeons: "Okay who will we send to the last challenge?" Bryan asked as everyone exchanged glances. "I could-" Tyler began but Bryan stopped him "Not you Tyler...." Bryan said

"No one here is good for the last challenge.... this is so.... UGh! Maybe.... Axel? I don't know Sam, Tyler, Leonard and Ella are no good for the one on one challenge. Geoff, Axel and Damien seem perfectly fit but Geoff is too much of a nice guy and Damien.... well is Damien... and there is no way they'll beat the eagles if they pick Eva." Bryan's confessional.

"Axel? Will you do it for us?" Damien asked "you are the strongest one of out team" Everyone turned to Axel. "And you could beat the crap out of who ever you are placed against to." Axel looked at Damien and smirked "I accept it!" She smiled. "Great we have our fighter!" Geoff smiled. "Then Me, Tyler and Bryan will take the dummy to the volcano" Geoff added.

Killer Hornets: None of the team spoke up to take the last spot of the challenge. they were all glancing at each other hoping for to volunteer for the last challenge.

"The sacrifices we have to take to lead a team of complete dumb shits. Noah is the only smart one but we don't need brain in the final challenge. Jane is just a flexible girl but not good in fighting challenges and Nichelle.... welll yeah" Daniel's cponfessional.

"Okay, okay. I'll take The final spot!" He sighed "But you guys better be fast and carry the heavy Alejandro Sacrifice." Daniel said. "We will, There is nothing I'd like more than to see Alejandro fall into that volcano even if it's just a dummy." Noah said as Daniel nodded. "As for who will take the dummy, it will be Nichelle, Jane and Beardo" Daniel said "Sure I see no problem with that."

Screaming Eagles: "Eva you want to go to the last Challenge?" Carlos asked her "Yeah, I'd bring our team the win." Eva said with no hesitation. "To have a better chance to arrive first to the volcano and the beach, me, Trent and Kyle will take the Heather dummy up the volcano." Carlos said hoping the team agreed. "I'm fine with that" Julia said as she just looked at her Nails. "Yeah because there is no way my good looking body will get near the heat of that volcano" Anne Maria said. "And I'm not risking letting my body get burned by lava Blainley Said.

Meanwhile Izzy finally found Heather and Heather began running off from Izzy "I almost got you!" She laughed crazily as she ran. "You can run as much as you Can Heather! But you can't hide from the E-scope!" Izzy said as she chased Heather "Come on Izzy! We were friends! Can't you just let this slide?" She asked laughing crazily and Tackling Heather "I got you Now! Wait till Chris Hears this" She smiled as she took Heather toward the cell and locked her up in the cell next to Alejandro's.

"You think Chris, would give me a raise for what i Did?" Izzy's Confessional.

Chris Blew the air horn and the building challenge began. The turkeys of death began their 5 minute head start to build their sacrfice with Dekotazoid's intructions. When the 5 mins were over the other teams following the guidance of their caged teammate began their sacrifices, Sadly the Hornets were getting nothing since, Staci was focused on talking about he great great great great greet. "Yeah! My great great great great great Grandfather, invented Logs! Before him people used to burn trees with out cutting them... and my Great great great great great great great -" Staci continued "Ugh! Tgis is Frustrating!" Jane complained as she covered her ears tired of Staci "Can't we just glue her mouth shut?" She asked as the other shrugs. "Staci! Can you just tell us what to get? We are going to lose if you don't help us." Noah yelled "This is so Humiliating The other team will win!" Sammy said frowning. Beardo nods making a losing tune. as The other teams kept working on their sacrifices slowly the teams finished their their sacrifices and the 3 for each team began taking the sacrifices up. leaving the hornets behind. Chris walks towards the last place team "If you don't put the work your team automatically loose the challenge and head to the poop deck." He laughed at them. They all glared at Stacy. "Okay I Am Done with Mrs Nice Girl!" Jane spat "You will shut you mouth up and tell us what to do or So help me You will be the one going home tonight!" Jane yelled ar her

"It's obvious who is going home if we loose" Jane's confessional

"Honestly.... Why is should we win at this Point. The other 3 teams are ahead by a lot!" Nichelle's confessional.

"Why is she sooo Useless!" Noah's Confessional

"Is she kidding? Who here buys her lies?" Beardo's Confessional

"Not even me and Sadie are that annoying!" Katie's Confessional.

Eventually they managed to build their Alejandro Sacrifice, So that allowed Nichelle, Beardo and Jane to began working together to carry the Alejandro Sacrifice towards the Volcano. Meanwhile the other three teams were far away from them They were basically just finishing throwing their sacrifices. "Trent, Carlos, we Should go Now!" Kyle said as he began running down the volcano the mentioned guys following behind him. Once Tyler, Geoff and Bryan threw their sacrifice they began running behind the first place team, Tyler then tripped and began falling down the volcano. Geoff and Bryan exchanged glances. After Throwing the the sacrifices the three members of Turkeys of Death began running towards the beach. B had offered Carrying Brick and Sierra so they could arrive together. The three teams in the lead were head to head, except Tyler who had fallen from the side of the volcano.

"Chris never said that the whole 3 members should arrive to the beach together so, We should yell at Tyler to run towards the beach. But first...." Bryan's confessional.

Bryan pushed Kyle, and he provoked Kyle to tumble and and make the rest of his teammates fall.

"What is Wrong with Bryan! I know this is a race but he doesn't have to push me!" Kyle's confessional.

"Wow So typical of Bryan tripping the enemy, I better keep an eye on him...." Sierra's Confessional.

"Tyler! Run to the beach! Hurry! IF we cross first Axel will have her 3 fights firs!" Bryan yelled still running down the volcano just in case. Tyler groaned as he got up from the floor and began making his way to the beach. "Oh No he is not arriving First!" Carlos said as He got up first than Kyle and Trent and he began running down as fast as he could. Behind Him followed B carrying Brick and Sierra. Finally reaching the top of the volcano was Jane, Nichelle and Beardo, They threw their sacrifice as Nichelle observed a faster way to climb down the Volcano.

"I need to reach the beach first! we could give Daniel the chance to win the challenge.... But I am Tempted to stay back so we could Vote off Staci" Nichelle's confessional.

"Look Nichelle!" Jane said as Nichelle and Beardo looked at her "You could climb thru there and reach the ground first that B, and Carlos. and Since you will land safely you could beat Tyler to the end." Jane said as Nichelle smiled and Began climbing down the way Jane said. Jane smiled.

"I want to win. Even if I dislike Staci and she made us fall behind.... I still don't want use to lose a teammate, No matter how useless they are" Jane's confessional.

The race was close, Tyler going slowly to the end. B and Carlos running at the same pace as Nichelle had just landed in at the ground and she began running towards the beach. "This I going to be close! Tyler has the lead! but Nichelle just landed first to the ground! and But Carlos and B are both running at an Alarming rate! First class is on the line! first fights will be given to the team who arrives first" Chris said as he watched thru the monitors the 4 four main runners. "chef should we make the fight the way to chose a real looser between 3rd and 4th place?" Chris asked Chef. "Yes! That'd be excellent!" Chef smiled. from where he was Bryan could see that Nichelle was going to beat Tyler.

"Desperate Times calls for desperate Measures!" Bryan's Confessional.

Bryan grabbed a coconut and tossed it towards Brick, The coconut hit him making him fall from B's arm and by pure change he fell on top of Nichelle. Seeing that Provoked Sierra to tackle Bryan and began beating the crap out of him. Carlos too advantage of this and speed up towards the finish line Just as Tyler was about to win Carlos passed By Tyler. "And The Screaming Eagles! Won first place!" Chris said as Carlos crossed. "What!? What about the fights!?" Eva asked. "Well! The fight will still happen but that to choose the ultimate loser between the last two team and It appears that the fight will happen between Daniel and Ripper because the Ferocious Pigeons win second place." Chris said as Tyler finally crossed the line.

"This Is Bryan's fault! It's really un fair that Bryan's team got second Place!" Sierra's Confessional.

As the sun hung low in the sky, casting an orange hue over the arena, Ripper and Daniel stood atop platforms, each armed with jousting sticks, their eyes locked in a battle of wills. Ripper flexed his muscles, a cocky grin spreading across his rugged face. "You ready to taste defeat, Daniel?" Daniel smirked, adjusting his grip on the jousting stick. "I wouldn't be so sure, Ripper. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve." With a Air horn from Chris, the duel to avoid elimination ceremony began. The platforms rocked as Ripper and Daniel charged towards each other, their jousting sticks clashing with thunderous force. "Is that all you've got, Daniel?!" Ripper taunted, his voice booming across the arena. Daniel gritted his teeth, his focus unwavering. "You haven't seen anything yet, Ripper!" Back and forth they battled, neither willing to give an inch. The tension in the air was palpable as the spectators held their breath, waiting for the decisive moment. Suddenly, Ripper unleashed a powerful strike, catching Daniel off guard and sending him staggering backward towards the edge of the platform. "You're finished, Daniel!" Ripper roared triumphantly, preparing for the final blow. "Go Ripper Beat His ass!" Amy shouted. "Don't let that Jerk beat you Daniel!" Nichelle shouted. But Daniel wasn't about to go down without a fight. With a swift maneuver, he regained his balance and countered Ripper's attack, sending him reeling. The rest of Daniel's erupted into cheers as the duel reached its climax, the combatants locked in a fierce struggle for dominance. As the dust settled, it seemed as though Daniel had gained the upper hand, poised to send Ripper tumbling into the shark-infested waters below. "Any last words Ripper!" But then, Ripper unleashed his secret weapon. "Ah, what's that smell?!" Daniel exclaimed, his nose wrinkling in disgust. Ripper grinned wickedly, raising his arms to reveal his potent secret. "what you smell is my natural yeast smell." The foul stench emanating from Ripper's pits was enough to make Daniel dizzy, his senses overwhelmed by the noxious fumes With a final shove, Ripper sent Daniel plummeting into the waters below, victorious in the ultimate showdown of strength and strategy. "And Ripper wins it for the Turkeys of Death!" Chris shouted in his mega phone as the team cheered and the Killer Hornets groaned.

"I don't Blame Daniel for loosing.. Ripper stinks like crap" Jane's Confessional.

"Anyone would have lost that fight even Eva... well not Axel.... Some how she can handle his stink" Kyle's Confessiona.

"Well Killer Hornets, You are the first ones to go to the Poop deck to eliminate your first Team mate." Chris laughed as Everyone from the team glanced at eachother.

Soon it was dark and the Killer Hornets were sitting on lounge chairs in the poop deck Chris was Standing Near the Plank of shame as the team looked at him "Welcome to your first elimination Ceremony Killer Hornets. Just like in season 3 You will vote in the confessional by stamping a red X on the passport of the desired crewmate you want to vote off." Chris smirked "Now Chef is going to remind you what you did to be here." He smiled as Chef walked next to chris "Daniel, You let something as simple as Ripper stinky pits to make you lose the jousing fight which caused your team to be sent here." Chef pointed to Daniel "You would have too if You smelled those really stinky Pits!" He said trying not to vomit. "Nichelle you almost reached the finish line but you let Brick fall on top of you and that caused your team to end in 3/4th place." He said pointing to Nichelle. "I couldn't anticipate that Brick would fall on me! Those stinky Pigeons are cheaters" Nichelle growled. "And Lastly, Staci, your excessive lying, caused your team to be left behind in the race. if your team hadn't threatened you you would have automatically lost." Chef said "Well, My great great great great-" Chris interrupted him "Shut it! Nobody cares!" He said "Get to voting Loser!"

"Nichelle could have arrived first if Bryan didn't knock Brick on top of her, Daniel Lost to Rippers stinky pits... but" Jane stamps Staci's passport "Ms Lying got my vote"

"Is it debatable?" Nichelle stamped Staci's passport without saying anything

"Daniel lost the tie breaker... sorry buddy" Noah said stamping Daniel's Passport.

"Yeah Daniel.... I know he is evil" Staci Stamped Daniel's passport.

Daniel aggressively stamped multiple times Staci's passport "Bye Bye girly!"

Sadie and Katie together stamped on Staci's Passport.

"we are all tired of her stories... she seems nice but she should interact instead of lying" Sammy stamped Staci's Passport.

Beardo making sound effects stamped Staci's passport.

Chris was holding a plate of of chocolate made cruise tickets as he stared at the team "The crew mate who doesn't receive their cruise pass, will have to walk the poop deck and jump out on the plank of shame, and you can never come back... Ever!" Chris smirked "Before i give the passes if anyone here wants to use the Hatchet Totem to chose someone else to be booted? If you found it." Chris asked as everyone glanced at each other. "Very well, The pass will go to...Sadie!" He tossed the pass to Sadie "Katie!" He tossed it "Nichelle, Jane!" He tossed two more passed "Noah, Beardo, Sammy" He said as he tossed 3 more passes. Having now only one pass left "We got now 1 pass left and 2 crewmates." he said as Daniel and Staci exchanged glances "The last pass goes to....." Chris said as he extended the tension as Daniel began looking worried for a minute and Staci was almost biting her nails. ".... Daniel!" Chris said as he tossed the pass to Daniel "Yes!" He smiled and then quickly put on his sorry mask "Ooops Sorry Staci...." He said . "First Boot again!" Staci sighed frowning "Plant of Shame that Way stacy." Chris smirked pointing to the dock of shame.

"I can't believe I am being first boot again! I did good this time and shared interesting facts of my relatives with my team... why do they have to be such haters!" Stacy's Last Confessional.

Staci walked towards the Plank as Chris and the rest of the ream followed behind her. "Any last words Staci?" Chris asked. "Yeah!, My Great great great great great-" Chris nods to chef and chef pushed Staci off the plank "Greaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh" She fell and splashed. "What will Bryan do next? Who will be winnign next time and Will Julia backstab Kyle? Find out next time on Total Drama Cruiser!" With that the camera pans away and the camera fades to black.

Next Episode:

A/N: I almost never finished episode 2 of TDC, I was having a hard time to write the challenge the protagonist of this challenge were the killer Hornets. I hope you guys enjoy it!

[ohabeeeeeee]

Okay, you want some actual good tips for eating better and as a result feeling better? I have five rough steps in the order I took them, as well as some advice for everything underneath.

1. Know your body and accept its not like everyone else's. Lables are put there for what the average healthy person should be, and not every calorie goal is going to suit you. I'm a very big person with a very low metabolism for example, I started to eat two smaller meals a day and I lost a good amount of weight and felt amazing. Quite simply, nobody is going to be the average person.

2. Invest in yourself, even if not with money. Spend time looking at nutrition lables, they're so important and there for a reason even if they don't cater to you. Knowing how much salt, sugar, protein, and fiber go into your body each day are especially important. Take your time to read the lables.

3. Use tools. A cheap electric scale that can help you get a correct portion size? Great! Using a measuring cup to get just the right amount of some cheap mac n cheese? Excellent. Online nutrition calculators that can help you figure out some specifics for you? Amazing. Figure out where you stand and where you want to be, but please never ever hate yourself.

4. Meal prepping. You've heard it a million times, and you may not have the time or energy for it, that's okay, but I didn't think I could either. Once I started eating better, I had more energy to spend on things like this, and tip, you can just make a giant pot of mac n cheese and stick a label in it. Meal prepping doesn't need to fancy containers of three or four tiny dishes in rectangle containers, it just needs to be able to help with not overeating.

5. Investing more than just time. Eventually, you may decide to want to get tools to help you make tastier food, or at least better quality. I recommend a blender to help you smooth vegetables into sauces and an air fried to make healthier versions of the foods you love without the grease or excessive salt.

Things to keep in mind:

1. Not all food is inherently bad. Some definitely have more than what you should in food, but goshdarnit if you want to treat yourself to a little fast food once a week, do it!

2. If multivitamins help you get your nutrients, get the goshdarn multivitamins. You don't need anything fancy, I have a 8-10 dollar bottle of 100 that will last me a few months. (NO IRON SUPPLEMENTS, GET VITAMIN ENRICHED CEREAL TRUST ME)

3. Exercise is something that is necessary. Is it much better for the process if you do exercise? Yes, definitely. Can some people not physically do it? Yeah. You don't have to if you can't for any reason.

4. Don't cut out something completely, like sugar or salt. Ya need that shit.

5. Don't ever ever ever hate yourself for your own health, weight, appearance, or anything like that. Mental health is so important goshdarn, and someone loves you so much I swear it. Don't take yourself for granted, people love you and want you to be happy.

6. Starving yourself won't make you happy. Ever.

[littlewalken]

Feb 8

Got to real life today, send out the box of ponies, find out what's going on with a $2 cable bill, try and get some walking in or something.

Made one of Blythe's maxi dresses yesterday, just need to take pictures when there's decent light.

Had some more thought put in to the alt ending I had for Grease 2 and mixing it with a previous idea I had but scrapped for reworking. I know what I mean by the Aubrey story.

Maxwell Caulfiled said his parents almost named him Aubrey. Caulfield is not his birth name, and he's from Scotland which might explain why a lot of the British commentators asked if he was American or something because his accent was bad.

His 'Murican accent was better in Electric Dreams but he's hardly in that so it doesn't count much for seeing how potato he was at that time. Do not make me watch The Colbys, I have The Colbys because Maxwell is in it, do not make me actually have to watch it.

I know how fleeting access to television is.

Can't believe there are people who think the earthquake damage and videos asking for help from Turkey are fake. It's sad that there have been people previously who fake helping refugees to scam money.

Vent the charities you give to, money is easier because they can buy from the local/regional economy which helps that way, and they don't have to ship stuff. Unless you have like specialized training and rescue equipment then by all means do that. Don't ship a fucking bulldozer, they have those in that part of the world.

I live in earthquake country, we have strict building codes and inspections the only thing to worry about are unreinforced masonry, which we might be in but there's enough paint to hold this fucker together, and a building style called a dingbat which we wouldn't live in anyway because our mobility issues say 'fuck stairs'.

And I mean you can stand in the San Andreas fault behind the Walmart earthquake country.

Change of direction puppy to get something out of my system before I wrote this part up here...

That's Guinness as in 'hit by the Guinness truck' because the Great Dane genes were strongest in him and I have no doubt he hit 100 pounds. He was like a 'size' bigger than all his siblings. Softest thing ever and loved to cuddle on his back.

Looking at a place tomorrow we might consider moving to so I'm going to be counting on y'all to keep me somewhat okay and remind me there is no way in any kind of hell it can go like the last move, mkay.

The only thing I should remotely have to worry about this time is scanning enough books so I don't have to move them.

The place is said to be an individual unit, I'm thinking a manufactured home which is fine, my own bathroom again, in a 55+ community so my disable ass will have friends and such, and the only downer is it might share a fence with a dog park.

But fuck yeah we'll get to have our own dog. Not sounding like a great place for a cat but at least we can have a dog.

We can have a dog here too but there's very little room and tl;dr it's easier to not have a mammal at the moment.

But with mom still recovering from her broken arm and like no support system what so ever out here a lot more of the physical work is going to fall on me.

At least I won't have to move the mooch's piles of clothes she'll never fit again and boxes of literal garbage etc...

There is no way in any form of hell this move will be like the last.

[vengefulcooking]

People were saying to me, "so when did you learn to cook? The last time we saw you you had no idea how to and were afraid of it?" and like yes, true, but firstly, circumstance forces you to cook, and I just googled a bunch of things and fearfully followed recipes to a tee. Then again, I did at least know how to boil eggs and make toast, so I knew in the very worst case, I could fall back on egg and bread. Meagre, but there's comfort in knowing it! Also, I was scared as hell the first time I boiled pasta. It sounds so tiny and ridiculous, but of course we all have a first time we've boiled pasta. It's just that for some of us, that first time is when there's no one around to save our arses (or embarrass us, depending on how you are looking at it).

But once I'd made that first pasta, ridiculously basic, yes, but a finished meal: pull up a reference website, boil water, add salt, add pasta, set timer, turn off heat, carefully! (important: carefully!!) remove the vessel from the heat. Use mittens if you have them, use three layers of cloth/towels if you have those, but use something! Taking a metal pot that's had boiling water for 14 minutes is no joke, heat-wise! Drain the pasta into a colander, but keep maybe a cup of the whitish starch water.

Take a prepared pasta sauce to begin, in a saucepan/skillet, whatever you call a wide cooking bowl with a handle on the side. Use a small bit of butter or oil and heat up the sauce. Add a little bit of the water you saved to it, if you think the sauce is too thick (it's starchy, so it'll do the opposite of washing away the sauce. It'll help it stick better to the pasta). Then add the pasta in, and just turn it in the pan till the sauce coats the pasta. If you're thinking about nutrition, throw in some veggies: any veggies! Any's better than none. Voila, you're done!

Actually I'll summarise if anyone wants a reference but

- Boil water: the more the better! Your pasta needs place to cook. 2 cups for every 1 cup of pasta will do, but you won't go wrong with more (it'll take more time to boil though)

- Add salt generously! When you can see bubbles of boiling water, add some salt. Mix it for a couple of seconds. I say generously because the pasta will absorb some salty flavour as you cook. You won't be drinking that water, so you should be okay sodium-wise

- Add pasta! Done salting? Add the pasta in. Be careful here too! If you dump it all in too fast or from a height, the boiling water may splash up and it'll hurt for a little while. You don't want water burns, but don't let it intimidate you: in this case, it's easy to be careful.

- Boil for approx. 14 minutes! Again, pasta is kinda fool-proof, so it's hard to over-do it, and you can just continue to boil under-done pasta. Dip in a fork, pull one out and bite it to see if it's done to your liking yet. If it's still chewy (has more "bite") or sticks to your teeth, drop it right back in. We're not eating uncooked flour.

- Turn off heat and drain carefully! Take it off the gas. If you like, let it cool for a bit. Save some pasta water and then drain the rest

- Cook the pasta! Add sauce to a pan, heat it up, add a grease if you please: butter, oil, etc., thin it with pasta water if needed, add the pasta and coat it in the sauce. Add veg or meat if you please! (Potatoes seem to make everything so smooth, so if you go for that, slice some potatoes small and dump them in to boil with the pasta you did earlier. The thought of slice and chop scary? We'll take that up next time!)

- Eat! For the love of everything, eat, you need nutrition. And take pride in your work: you've made your own food!

It gave me so much more confidence to have made one (1) pasta that I thought I could make the world. I tried (and kinda failed?) at meringues before the next weekend was over (some of us were here on this blog and had to experience that through text. I'm sorry)

I had fam over and they were pretty impressed with my Progress™. Some of it is just sheer fucking boredom: I think if I realised that, at least with lockdowns (in whatever form) and the fact that I live far from downtown in a new city and there are no gigs on, nor have I any friends to do the scene with; work would become the main thing in my life and I think the shock and sadness of that would drive me mad. I did need something to do, and the thing that picked itself just happened to be self-sustenance.

And it seems it can't be helped: some of us happen to be exclusively good at things our dads would deem unmarketable skills.

[wornoutmouse]

I love you and your brain bestie that Denki pegging was absolutely delicious *chefs kiss*. Another request. Just a sprinkle of soft dom Deku coming home from a stressful day and just wanting to take care of his wonderful wife 🤏🏿💕 no specific kinks so you can add whatever you want, just a good old fashioned dicking down to de-stress

7-eleven food be smacking idc if it'll kill me in 2 years time..

Soft sexy times

Not proof read tell me if u see any mistakes

Deku felt as heavy as a bag of lead, barely able to lift his arm to lock the front door. Yousat rested in the living room with a bowl of popcorn in your lap watching "I love Lucy" as if you hadn't seen every episode more than a dozen times. Deku walked lightly so he could have a moment longer to admire you. "I know you're there Izuku." Your voice sounds like nothing less than a pure melody. 

Deku plops down next to you on the couch, leaning his curly headed face on your shoulder. You lift your hand to drag your fingers through it just the way he liked, picking out any stray knots and tangles. "How was your day?" You laugh, kissing his forehead the best you could at such an awkward angle. "I should be the one asking you that." Deku wraps his arms around your waist as if he couldn't get any closer. 

"It was good, if you're hungry I have steak, greens, and rice in the refrigerator." Deku shakes his head, "M'not hungry, had 7-eleven hamburger hotdogs." You grimace, "Thanks for telling me I almost kissed you." Izuku pouts on your shoulder before playfully puckering his lips. "Don't be like that, they are good!!" You lightly shove at his face, "I don't want your radiation grease on my lips."

A sly hand sneaks in between your legs, "But I want your radiation grease on my lips." The terrible joke lowers your guard enough for Deku to slip a hand into your sweats. "So are you calling me toxic?" Deku kisses your shoulder, "Only if you don't let me kiss you." You look at Deku and pinch his chin, "I'm prepared to make that sacrifice." Your faces come together in a soft kiss. No tongue, no teeth, only lips and affection.  

There are three fingers inside you now, Deku's  thumb is pressed firmly in on your clit, teasing you. In return you rub the front of his pants, the thin cotton providing little to no coverage when he begins to get hard. You squeeze the imprint before rubbing your thumb along the sides. It was hot to the touch and your skin felt even hotter as Deku watched your hand travel along his shaft.

"You are such a tease you know that?" You smirk, squeezing him again just so you could hear a sweet sigh fall from his lips. "Take these pants off and maybe I won't tease you so much." He follows your orders practically with hearts in his eyes. Furthermore offering him the pleasurable sight of undressing yourself before straddling his waist. You grind against him, rubbing his dick in-between your stomachs.

Izuku places his hand beside him, gripping the fabric of your couch. A faceless show casts a blue and green glow on your dark skin making it glow. "You never did tell me how your day was." Deku shivers when you sink down his cock. "Weird time to start this conversation don't you think?!" You shake your head and place his hands on your waist. "I don't think so, what better time than when you can take your frustrations out.

Izuku cups the back or your neck bringing you towards him in a kiss before ghosting his lips down to your chin. "It was okay I suppose, Kachan of course made saving people a competition." You reposition your legs before softly bouncing. "How was your day though?" You moan, lightly calloused hands gripping Deku's shoulders every time you make yourself feel good. "It was...it was so so good." Your words are slurred by your sinful acts making your sentences almost incoherent. "I tried c-cooking some stuff but it burnt"

You bury your face in the crook of Izuku's neck as he takes over. His hold on you is solid and every downstroke makes a loud smacking sound when your hips meet. "I missed you!" On the last syllable, you orgasm, pussy pulsating rapidly around his dick as he continues to fuck you. Deku's neck is pretty pink and small sighs leave his lips before he cums as well. 

Later on Deku groans realising you forgot to use a condom and u gracefully remind him that you never forget to take yourbirth control. "I need a ring first Midoriya".

[crimsonfic]

Min Yoongi Fanfiction (Part 3)

I haven't seen my "man" in the 5 solid months since we "got together". At this point I wasn't even sure if I had one anymore. We've talked almost every single day but for the past month, Yoongi has been irritable. He's been cutting phone calls short, doesn't video chat me anymore, and always says "you wouldn't understand" when I ask if anything is wrong.

He's scheduled to be here in California tonight. He'll be arriving around 7 pm so I'm currently making dinner for him. I asked him what he wanted and he said a home cooked meal. Being that he's from Korea I asked him whats his favorite home cooked meal that his mom makes and he told me "You're not my mother, so why would you want to make what she makes?"

I left it alone after that and just decided to make him American dishes. I'm making my favorites and various meats. Honestly i'm making too much and I started very early this morning at about 4. Now it was 2 pm and my dad and little sister were here.

"Honey, that's a lot of food. You say you and this young man have only been together for 5 months and you're going all out for him. Are you sure this isn't....too much?"

"Dad, I don't know what he likes so its not too much, plus I'm giving you and Joy some of everything. You won't have to cook for at least a week. That's a good thing."

"I just don't want to see you hurt. If you're dating shouldn't you know his favorite thing to eat?"

"Daddy...please." I said suddenly feeling scared.

Yoongi has seemed really moody lately. I just want to fix it. We cant break up before we really even have a chance.

"Alright baby girl. Make sure I get a lot of those potatoes. You know I can eat those everyday." He said pointing over my shoulder at the huge pot of potatoes I was boiling on the stove.

"Of course, daddy."

I was making mashed potatoes, cornbread, corn beef and cabbage, chicken (both fried and baked), steak, corn, string beans, broccoli, asparagus, macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes, ribs, spaghetti and salmon croquettes, rice, pork chops and biscuits. I know its a lot but I don't know what he likes. I also made a gumbo.

————————

I stepped out of the shower at 7pm on the nose.  I didn't want to see him for the first time in months smelling like chicken and grease. Major turn off.

Assuming it was safe to dress comfortably I put on leggings and a graphic tee. Then I combed my wet hair into a single braided ponytail.

Next was for me to wait. I sat down in my living room and texted my sister. She was asking me how the date was, to keep her updated and to ask about the other guys in BTS.

I texted her back telling her that she doesn't need any type of feedback on my dating life cause she's too young. But I told her I will ask about her "boys".

I was switching between different apps when I finally got a text from Yoongi. It said he was close.

I stood up because I was feeling way too anxious. Pacing back in forth between my couches.

Finally the door bell rang. Quickly, I walked to the front door. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

In front of me was Yoongi. His face was pretty expressionless but he looked good. Better than I remembered. As I stared at the handsome man before me I began to smile. "Hey Yoongi." I said as I stepped aside so he could come in. "Hey." He said walking in. He watched me close and lock the door but didn't say anything else. "You.....you look good. How was the flight?" I asked as I tried to think of something to say. "Thanks. It was....long. So..." he replied as he adjusted his bag. "I'm sorry. But atleast you get to relax and get comfortable tonight right?" "Right." He said dryly. I could see he was still irritable and grouchy like he's been all month. Hopefully food would fix it.

"Well, you can just drop your bag right by the stairs and we can eat. I know you're hungry after that long flight."

He nodded his head as he walked slowly to put his bag down.

I lead him into the kitchen. "Okay, so there is a lot of stuff here. I didn't know what you would like so I made lots of different stuff. So eat what you like." I handed him a plate and stepped back.

He took it and walked over to the island. Every time he opened a lid or top I would tell him what it is. Occasionally I would apologize because he didn't know what it was. It was a nerve wracking thing, I felt so nervous watching him.

Once he filled his plate he asked for another one. After handing him one he filled it with all of the meat I made.

He walked over to the table and sat down with both of his plates. "Do you need me to heat anything up?" I asked.

"No." I nodded once before I walked off to make my own. When I sat down in front of him I was shocked to see how much he had already eaten. I didn't say anything though, and we ate in silence because I didn't want to upset him. ————

After dinner he had got up and went straight to the sink to wash out his dishes. I began putting food away in the fridge. Thank god for my dad taking home half of everything cause I wouldn't have had enough space for this.

When I found a place for everything I noticed Suga was leaning against the wall by the doorway watching me. "You okay?" I asked as I walked over to him, "Yeah. Where can we sit and talk?"

I led us to the living room and sat down on the couch. He stood a few feet in front of me. He was just looking at me, standing there with his hands in his pocket. "What's wrong Yoongi?" "Thank you for dinner." He bypassed my question. "It was my pleasure." I told him genuinely.

A few moments of silence passed before he spoke again. "You have a nice house." "Thank you." I replied. "It's um....really nice. Like, big and extravagant." "Yes.....you could say that." "How are you able to afford it?" I was taken aback. Like what was this about? Why was he concerned? "I don't have to "afford" it." I use air quotes when I said afford. "It's mine. I bought it, I own it. I'm able to pay my bills thanks to my job." I could feel my attitude coming on. "As a hairstylist?" "Yes." "Hairstylist money bought you this house?" "Not completely, but hairstylist money has provided me with all of the things inside of it." "Okay, so what did you do to get money for the house." "Excuse me?" "How were you able to afford the house?" "Okay. Wait just a second. What is this about, and what are you getting at? It seems like you have something to say and it would probably just be easier if you get to the point."

"Okay..."

I shrugged my shoulders in a "ok and i'm waiting" gesture.

"Well what I'm really trying to ask....is.....do you do anything else to get money?"

I stared at him unblinking for quite some time.

"Say it."

"I did."

"No, say what you think I do for money."

Now it was his turn to stare at me, unblinking.

"hello?"

"Alright, fine." He took a deep breath. "Are you a stripper?"

5...4...3...2...1.

"Are you fucking serious right now?"

He looked surprised by my outburst, but then he covered his reaction with a stoic expression.

"People who shouldn't even know who you are do, and a few of my friends from Korea say you look familiar and they only come to America for 1 thing. Lets not forget to mention the types of pictures you take and your.....butt."

"So....some Korean people that probably think all black people look the same got you thinking I'm a stripper? And my butt? My butt? I don't even know what to say to that. It's big yeah but it's not fake. People know who I am because I work with celebrities and I am damn good at my job. And excuse the hell out of me for sending you pictures of me. I didn't know that you would think I was a stripper because of it. The money for the house came from my mom's insurance and will after her death. Fuck you Yoongi." I stood up and walked past him out to the foyer. Before going up the stairs I turned around. "You can sleep in whatever room you want, and anything you may need should be in there. If you don't mind being in my fucking stripper house." Then I proceeded up the stairs.

---------

An hour had gone by since I came upstairs. I was in my room fuming when my phone rang. It was Yoongi. I waited until it stopped ringing so I could continue watching videos on my phone.

A few seconds later my door opened. I looked up from my phone and seen Yoongi standing in my doorway. He was wearing a white t-shirt and shorts so I'm assuming he just showered.

"(y/n)."

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Very sorry. I don't know what I was I thinking. Or why I thought what I said made sense. I'm sorry for my disrespect."

I wanted to forgive him but I just couldn't shake my attitude. I was so mad. Just as I was about to express my frustrations he began talking.

"Look, lately I've been frustrated. I was feeling like this, us, was a bad idea. We live so far apart and have such different cultures it was overwhelming to think of all of the work we have to do to actually have a relationship. Then on top of that we hardly know each other because we don't have experiences together, sure we "told" each other everything we think there is to know about ourselves but that's never enough. I didn't want to make a commitment without truly knowing you. You understand?"

"So now what?"

"I don't know. We can't cram everything into my free days. We just don't have enough time to truly get to know each other. So....I don't know."

"Sounds like you know to me." I said.

He looked down, then off to the side.

"Well, whatever you decide, I'm....cool with." I lied. "But as I said before, make yourself comfortable anywhere you'd like. My home is still open to you while you're here."

"Thank you." He said.

There was brief moment of silence before he waved and then walked out of the room.

I wanted to cry I was so mad. I just felt like we haven't even tried. But that's what my forward ass gets for always tryna make something happen.

————— I had just finished eating lunch when I walked out to my backyard. I turned on my speakers and Lupe Fiasco boomed through. I started stretching before I began playing basketball. I'm too lazy to stay in shape in other ways so I always use this as my opportunity for cardio every week. I could do more but I'm not.

35 minutes into my "cardio" I heard someone say wow from behind me. Turning around, I saw Yoongi on the patio watching me. I'm still a little salty so I just continued what I was doing without acknowledging him further. A little while later Yoongi caught the basketball after I missed the shot.

"You play basketball?" "All throughout grade school. Stopped in college." I said wiping the sweat off my forehead with the towel I kept in my pocket. "You never told me that." "Oh." "Can I play?" "Sure." I was about to turn and leave but he stopped me. "I mean with you." He said. "Oh...yeah. Sure."

As we were playing one on one I noticed that he was a really defensive player. So far I had just been playing politely but the more the game went on, the more I saw his face, the angrier I got. So now, I was gonna play for real.

My shift in stance and seriousness didn't go unnoticed by Yoongi. He smirked. He thought he would by pass me but he couldn't. I was there, guarding him at every turn and move he made. The only thing he could do was try to take the shot. When he went for it, I stole the ball. After making my shot his mouth dropped open. When I came back to him and passed him the ball I told him to close his mouth before something flew in. Immediately he closed it shut. His face changed too and I noticed he was now determined to win. Good. He'll be crying by the end of this game.

I won. Much to Yoongi's dismay. "You're good." He told me as he stood there breathing heavily. "So are you." Before he could say anything else I went into my house. I went straight to my bathroom to shower. Maybe 10 minutes of being in there I heard a knock on the door. I ignored it. I was still in my feelings so I really didn't want to talk to Yoongi. I heard the door open but didn't care. "(Y/n)." Yoongi said. "What?" "Can I talk to you." "You are already...so..." "Why are you being so cold to me?" I bursted out into laughter. Real belly aching laughter. "Okay. I guess I understand that." Yoongi said. "Look, you never told me that you played ball. That's an example of what I mean about us not knowing everything due to our distance." "Okay." I said nonchalantly. "That's something we could've bonded over." "Mhm." He sighed loudly. "It's difficult to be with someone when you don't have things in common." "We had a lot of things in common Yoongi, basketball isn't the only thing." "Like what?" He asked. I inwardly rolled my eyes as I washed my hair. "Nothing. Cause you obviously didn't take much interest in our conversations to notice." "It hard to notice someone's characteristics through the phone. So if you don't say it directly then I don't know."

"I could say I'm a serial killer, but just because I said it doesn't make it true."

"Okay I wouldn't think you would lie to me about who you are though." He said catching my hint.

"People lie everyday B." "What?" "Nothing." "How can you be...upset with me, when you know you haven't told me things about you. You know I love basketball but you didn't tell me that you did too. What else haven't you told me? The reason I was so frustrated was because I felt like I didn't know you."

"I showed you everything about myself, it's not my fault if you couldn't tell."

"We live on opposite sides of the world.....I can't decipher you over the phone."

"I know that you're sensitive, introverted, playful, strong, ambitious, stubborn and caring to the ones you love without you having to tell me. Important things I've noticed over the phone without you being direct and telling me. It's not about being able to decipher me over the phone it's about wanting to know me or not. You didn't care to know me. That's the problem. And I mean.....it's okay. You don't have to be interested in me. But don't try to make it seem like it's because of things I didn't say."

He was quiet for quite some time. The whole time it took me to wash the conditioner out of my hair it was silent.

Not caring to wait for his response I stepped out of the shower. I grabbed my towel off the rack and began drying off quickly. Then I wrapped the towel around my body and walked over to the mirror to view my curls I've worked so hard to make prominent. The mirror was too foggy to see out of. I turned to the door, where Yoongi was frozen. His cheeks were slightly pink and his mouth was open.

I didn't care that he saw me naked. "Excuse me." I said. He stepped aside from in front of the door and opened it for me. I walked out into my room and grabbed my hair towel that I keep folded tightly by my vanity and dried my hair to stop it from dipping. When I saw my curls I smiled. "Yessss. Okay now curls." I said to myself. I was very proud that my natural curl pattern was a lot more defined now.

I walked over to one of my dressers and started taking out clothes to wear when my phone rang. It was my little sister.

"Hey Joy." I said using her nickname mom gave her. "Hey Pride. Um....I know Suga is there but I need your help." "Now what does Suga being here have to do with anything? You know you can come over here no matter what. What do you need help with?" "My hair." She laughed. "Oh I'm thinking it was an emergency or something, but okay. Is dad gonna bring you?" "Yes. We'll be there in like 30 minutes." "Okay." "Bye love you." "Love you too."

I hung up and began getting dressed. "Do you want me to leave?" Yoongi asked. "You already seen me naked there's no difference now." I said. "No not because of that because your family is coming over."

I looked at him, and noticed that he wasn't looking at me. I sighed.

"Of course I don't want you to leave. You only have one day left to relax. You can stay here." "Okay." He said before he walked out of the room. ————

"Wow." I turned around and saw Suga near the stairs behind me. "What?" I asked as I finished locking the door my family just left out of. He didn't answer me right away. He walked over to me and stopped when we were practically touching. "You're.......amazing." I blinked. "Why do you say that?" "The way you are with your family. It's......adorable....and I like it." I thought about how Suga watched very interestedly as I did my sister's hair, how he talked to dad about music and both of their careers and how he seemed to really enjoy the conversation. It was so attractive to me, to see him being so pleasant with them and seeming relaxed. That didn't matter now though.

"Thanks." I said "Sure." He smiled at me. "You know what I know about you?" He asked. "What?" "You're caring." He kissed me. My body, moving on its own accord made me kiss him back immediately. Unfortunately he broke the kiss. "You're protective." He kissed me again. "Silly." Kiss "Outgoing" Kiss "Smart" Kiss "Hot headed" Kiss "And beautiful." Kiss. Every time he pulled away from me I felt like I was being deprived of something. His soft but passionate kisses made me feel weak in the knees. Before I could deepen this kiss he pulled away from me. "And you know how to play basketball." He laughed. "Shutup." I laughed before pulling him back to me for another kiss. I was finally able to kiss him the way I wanted to. It turned into a full blown make-out session in my foyer. After what felt like hours Yoongi broke the kiss. "You know what else I know?" He asked me. "What?" "You have a stripper booty." He said as he grabbed my butt playfully. I straight faced him and pushed him away, causing him to laugh out loud. "Too soon? I'm sorry." He said between his laughter. "Ha ha ha." I said dryly trying to walk past him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back. Back into a kiss. Making me forget I'm supposed to be mad at him.

*********

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Injury | Insecurity | Part 4 |

[glassonlyrecycle]

Pepsi Coke Part 4

minific, serirei, aaaaa

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

----

Setting his phone down, Reigen paused, suddenly realizing the state of his apartment. He nearly dropped Pepsi Coke in despair. It would take hours to get the place looking even decent!

But he tried nonetheless, scrambling this way and that, picking up trash, tidying counters, collecting the laundry strewn about, sweeping up crumbs...

A knock came at the door just as he emptied the dustpan into the garbage. Setting it down, Reigen went to the door, going to adjust his tie, when he remembered what he was wearing: dirty slacks, a wrinkled and untucked button down, an untied tie with a grease stain... but he didn't have time! Serizawa was already waiting on the other side of the door. Reigen opened the door as casually as he could.

"Hi!" said Serizawa. He seemed... excited?

"Hey," said Reigen, trying to smile and ignore his embarrassing state of wardrobe. "Come in," he moved to the side so Serizawa could pass by.

Serizawa smiled and stepped by Reigen into the apartment. He smelled faintly of... roses, was it? Or maybe peonies. Reigen couldn't quite place it, but it was something soft and nice.

Reigen closed the door as Serizawa removed his shoes, setting them neatly to the side.

"I brought some things for Pepsi Coke," he said, handing a plastic bag to Reigen.

"Oh! Thanks." He had forgotten that was why Serizawa was there in the first place! He'd gotten caught up in his thoughts while he had cleaned; it had been some time since Serizawa last came over...

"Right! So I'll just set this down and then I'll get you something to drink." He gestured towards the little kitchen area as he moved. "There's that diet soda Ritsu didn't want, unfortunately no milk, water, obviously..." he trailed off, realizing he didn't have much to offer.

"I uh actually brought some tea, if you want?"

"Of course! Tea!" Reigen snapped his fingers. "Tea is great! I love tea. What kind of tea is it?" This was just going downhill fast. He could feel his face heating up.

"Just bottled green tea." Serizawa moved to get the bottles from the bag.

"I'll grab some glasses!" Reigen was glad for an excuse to turn his face away. Not that fumbling with the cupboard was much better...

He awkwardly placed the two glasses onto the table. Taking a bottle, he began to shakily pour the tea into one of the cups. It was uncomfortably quiet. "So! How's your mom?"

"She's doing well," Serizawa smiled, "and thanks again for letting me have the time off."

"Of course! It was nothing. Not a problem at all!" The cup nearly overflowed as he waved his free hand wildly.

"Hey." A worried look came across Serizawa's face, as he gently took the bottle of tea from Reigen. "Is everything okay?"

Reigen went stone cold.

"I mean I don't want to be rude, but..." Serizawa gestured vaguely towards Reigen. "You look a bit different from when I last saw you, and you're acting a little strangely..." Serizawa's voice grew quiet as he trailed off, averting his gaze. "I don't mean to overstep any boundaries, I just want to make sure you're okay."

Reigen just kinda stood there, not knowing what to say. I mean, how was he supposed to respond to that? Oh yeah let me just tell him how Pepsi made a fool of me on day one, how Ritsu is ungrateful and snide, how everyone ignored me the past three days, how I haven't slept for more than an hour uninterrupted, how difficult it's been without him there but now that he's in front of me it's difficult too but in a different way -- how am I supposed to explain it's because he smelled nice when he walked past, because he smiled gently when I opened the door, because he straightened my shoes when he set his next to mine, because his hand was warm when he took the bottle from me --

"Sorry for asking, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Serizawa put a hand to the back of his neck, glancing around the apartment. "So! Where's Pepsi Coke?"

"I'll go uh look for him..." He felt like he was just about ready to die. Why did he just clam up like that! Reigen touched his cheeks. They were most certainly not cold!!

Serizawa poured the second glass of tea and sipped it, looking worriedly after Reigen. Maybe I shouldn't have spent so much time away, thought Serizawa, or at least texted him more often these past few days. To think if something terrible happened and I wasn't there...

Reigen was kneeling on the floor, looking under the armchair.

"There you are!" He coaxed and beckoned for a full minute, to no avail. Naturally! Reigen thought. Because there wasn't enough going wrong for me already! Serizawa came to see the kitten and without the kitten there's no reason for him to be here... Reigen desparately patted the floor one more time. Pepsi Coke, crouched in the corner, stared him straight in the eye, not moving an inch.

Serizawa laid a hand on Reigen's shoulder (which caused him to flinch a little; he hadn't noticed Serizawa walk over!). Handing a glass of tea to him, Serizawa said, "it's okay if he's not ready to meet me. Let's just give him some space and enjoy our tea."

Reigen swore that smile could bring the most stoic man to tears. In fact, his eyes were feeling rather watery...

Tears rolled down Reigen's cheeks, as he took the glass.

Serizawa's expression immediately changed. "Oh my god, what's wrong? Was it something I said?" He knelt down next to Reigen, putting a hand on his back.

"It's just," Reigen sniffled, "it's just been rough..." Hot tears splashed quietly into his tea.

"Here," Serizawa said, helping him up. "Why don't we sit down and you can tell me everything."

----

here's the full page of illustrations (plus some bonus items!)

[yeahwellyourface]

In the BoN chat, we've been talking about Southern US recipes and I wanted to share a couple that I make.

The first one is a family recipe that my dad taught me and his dad taught him. It is INCREDIBLY easy. It just takes time. It is A LOT of food, but you make it for a family gathering and then people can also take some home. It is delicious leftover, both cold and reheated.

Needed:

-chicken, officially 1/2 chicken per person who is gonna eat. However, breasts take FOREVER (like 8-10 hours). Thighs taste amazing in this recipe, so if you can not to breasts and do more thighs, thats fine. Also, you want the skin on. That'll hold a lot of the spices and it'll keep the chicken moist.

-salt

-pepper

-garlic powder

-apple cider vinegar

-peanut oil

Thats it.

Now, you are gonna wanna start the fire relatively early because you dont want a lot of flame. And doing this on a charcoal grill is MUCH better than a propane grill. Trust me. I tried it. It really didnt work out well.

Anyway, you wanna get your coals burned down a bit. You want high heat and low flame. So, you are gonna have to work at keeping the fire going throughout the day.

Okay, now for the food. You want the chicken in pieces. I usually get a flat of drumsticks, a flat of wings, and a bunch of thighs.

Rinse 'em all off. Go through and COVER each piece in equal parts salt, pepper, and garlic powder. For awhile I was premixing the three of them into their own shaker. But I never mixed the correct amount. So, now I just put em on one at a time. Your hands are gonna get messy because the correct way to do this is to pick up a piece, shake each spice over it, turn it over in your hand and do the other side. We keep the unspiced chicken in the sink and pull each piece out and cover it while holding it over the bowl that we put it in after. That way, whatever falls off the piece will go onto the other pieces below. And thats it. Cover them all REALLY well.

Here is a pic of some chicken I did:

On the stove (and this can be started whenever as long as you let it sit for a few minutes before taking everything out to the grill), mix equal parts apple cider vinegar and peanut oil in a saucepan. Then mix equal parts salt, pepper, and garlic powder in. None of it matters much for exact amounts. I never seem to make enough and have to go make more. This is gonna be your paint, so don't skimp on the spices.

Okay, fire is at a good level, paint is done, and chicken is rubbed. Carry it out to the grill.

You want the coals to be put to one side, so that none of the chicken is over direct heat.

Here is my chicken on the grill. You can see the chicken pushed to one side so the coals can be on the other side.

So, you put all the chicken on and you are gonna wanna paint it. Just absolutely cover it in the paint. Dont skimp on that. It makes it really juicy.

Once youve done that, cover the grill and go back to whatever else you were doing. In half an hour, come back out, paint the chicken again, turn it over, paint that side, and check the coals. Do this every half hour. Paint, flip, paint. Like I said, go for it with painting. You want the chicken to be nice and juicy and thats how you get it.

Theres no exact timing because it depends on your coals and the chicken. Usually, the small pieces come off in about 3-4 hours. Thighs come off in about 6 hours, and breasts come off in 8-10 hours.

They should look like this

Since things take different amounts of time, I usually take a paper bag (to soak up any excess grease) and put it inside a cooler (to keep the chicken hot). As the wings and drumsticks vome off, people can start eating them, but that is a good way to store anything not eaten while you are still waiting for the rest to cook.

When everyone is done eating, put leftoveres in Ziploc bags and put them in the fridge. They can last up to a week in there,but you will be eating them as you go. Like I said, good leftovers either cold or reheated. Mmmm.

OKAY! NEXT RECIPE!

Now, I got this one off a website and then changed it to what I knew would work better. This is the original recipe: callmepmc.com/pecan-pie-bread-pudding/

Now, thats an okay recipe. But it needs a little work.

Changes I recommend:

- instead of day old French bread, use day old croissants. They soak things up better. And dont cut them nicely. Tear 'em up. Come on.

- instead of the milk and half and half, use sweetened condensed milk. Same amounts, so you dont have to worry about that.

- she is very insistent about the size of the pan. It doesnt matter. I usually make it in a bigger pan because I'm taking it to a family gathering and I need more.

- personally, I think you can mix up more if the "pecan pie" part. Whenever I make this amount, I wish I had more to spread over.

- I add alcohol. It really depends on what I have around the house, but I'll put a but of rum or brandy into the mixes. Just for fun.

Here are my pictures:

My aunt always demands that I leave any leftovers with her. She reheats small amounts and puts vanilla ice cream on top.

Thats it! Those are the recipes that I make for my family!

[marvelbbyx]

I wanna be your girlfriend! (Carol Danvers x Fem! Reader)

Request: @anon “Carol x fem reader where you show the profession of them turning from bffs to lovers and realizing their feelings.”

This imagine is inspired by the song i wanna be your girlfriend by girl in red. I’ve been waiting for an excuse to do this song since I love it so much. Just tweaking the lyrics a bit to fit in with the story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Carol

I wanna feel you close

Oh Carol

Come lie with my bones

You first met her in the hangar during your first year there, you were admiring the jets and she came up and surprised you. She wore the regular flight uniform, her golden hair tied was back into a tight bun, and she wore a pair of gold-rimmed aviator sunglasses. She was gorgeous. Your knees buckled when you saw her grin at you, standing next to you and touching the nose of the jet you had been looking at.

“Like it?” She asks with a smile.

“W-What?” Your eyes fluttered over to look at her.

“The jet,” She laughs. “I saw you looking at it.”

“Oh, yeah, i-it looks great,” You stammer, mentally punching yourself for acting like a fool in front of her. “Better than the ones I’ve seen back at Patrick.”

Her smile widens when she looks to you. “Yeah? Well, that’s a compliment I’m willing to take.”

Your eyes widened. “This is yours?”

She nods. “Yup, that’s my baby. Why do you ask?”

“I’m the new mechanic,” You say. “And yours is the best looking one I’ve seen today.”

She beams at you, making your heart flutter. Taking everything within you not to melt all over the place. “I like you already, mechanic. You got a name?”

“Y/N.” You say softly.

“Y/N,” She repeats, taking off her glasses and revealing her earthy brown eyes. “I’m Danvers.” She extended her hand to meet yours.

You grabbed her hand, feeling the callused and raw skin on her palm, like she’d had a difficult life and worked twice as hard. You who worked with your hands found it very shocking. Your eyes locked with hers, coloring your face a very prominent shade of scarlet.

“Well, Y/N the mechanic, will I see you around?” Danvers asks raising her eyebrows.

“Absolutely,” You smiled up at her, feeling your heart thump violently in your chest. “I’ll be here.”

“Well, I look forward to seeing you again.” She grins before taking her leave.

You tugged at the bottom of your lip. “M-Me too.”

In the two seconds after she left, you desperately needed her to come back to you. Just the way that she carried herself and aura that she projected made you want to be around her more, lighting a fire inside of you. Something that you never wanted to cease.

The rest of the day passing in a blur.

~~~~~~~~~~

Oh Carol

Don't look away

Oh Carol

Just look at me the same

You loved jets. You loved everything about them, but you were just too scared to fly in them. Your infatuation was just enough to admire and study them. Fixing up jets and other aircrafts was something that you were born to do, it was your passion and a lifestyle that you couldn’t see yourself not doing. Starting off small by fixing up cars, then working your way up to trucks, and then airplanes and jets alike. You were pretty much a master when it came to working with your hands.

It had already been your second year, your first year went by faster than a freight train. Earning yourself a reputation for the fastest working hands on the entire base, hence your new nickname “Speedy”. Everything was going well, you had a good job doing what you loved, you were always home early, and you actually had friends here than you did on Patrick.

You only had three, which you didn’t mind at all. Carol, another pilot named Rambeau that you had met through her, and Rambeau’s daughter Monica, to whom you absolutely adored. You two would play multiple games of Uno, which Monica normally won. You, Carol, and Rambeau made it a weekly tradition to go to Pancho’s every Friday to drink and sing your hearts out at karaoke. More often than not, you would catch yourself staring at Danvers, imagining things you really shouldn’t be imagining. Especially of your best friend.

And it’s wasn’t that you didn’t like being her friend, it’s just that you wanted something more from you two, something a lot more than a friendship. You would push your thoughts aside for the sake of your job but one way or another, they would find their way back to you. So you were constantly tormenting yourself over what could never happen.

You were in the hangar, elbow deep and fully covered in grease in one of the engines before you felt a pair of hands cover your eyes. “Guess who?” You heard a familiar voice whisper.

You rolled your covered eyes, placing a thought finger to your lip. “Cher?”

The voice chuckles. “Close, but equal in looks.”

“Joan Jett!” You say with a dramatic gasp.

A sigh of defeat came from the voice, “Really, Y/N?”

You laughed, removing Carol’s hands from your eyes and turning to look at her. “I was joking, I knew it was you the whole time, Danvers.”

“Cher and Joan Jett beg to differ.” She jokes.

You crossed your blackened arms over your chest. “What do you need?”

“Nothing, just wanted to see your pretty face.” She says with a toothy grin, shoving her hands in her pockets.

“Cute, but what do you need?” You ask, trying to mask the flush that crept up your face.

“Well, Rambeau can’t come tonight since Monica has the flu. So it’ll just be you and me. I mean...if you still wanna go.” Carol says rocking back and forth on her heels.

Your blush only went deeper, now making it even harder to cover up. “Y-Yeah, I’ll still go, I’d feel bad for Rambeau since she’s going to miss out on all the fun.”

She breathes out a chuckle. “So you don’t mind?”

“Nope.” You say with a smile.

“Perfect, I’ll pick you up later at 8.” She grins, hugging you tightly realizing shortly after that you were still covered in grease. She pulls away to see black patches on her uniform. “Oh...”

You shrugged. “Sorry.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't wanna be your friend

I wanna kiss your lips

I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath

You sat quietly in her car as you two drive home from the bar. Your voice was hoarse from all the scream-singing that you two did, you were also very buzzed from all the drinks that you chugged down. You looked to Carol and gave a half smile, scanning her up and down while her eyes were fixated on the road. She wrapped you up in her jacket since the car was freezing. You then leaned your head on the window as the car rocked you to sleep.

You felt the car turn into your neighborhood and stop in front of your apartment complex. Carol steps out of the car and taps on your window. You picked your head up and smiled weakly before going back to sleep. She sighs and opens the car door, peeling you out, and walking with you to your apartment.

“Which one is it again?” Carol asks you, walking down the hallway, scanning around for your apartment number.

“2..23.” You slurred out. “You need the -hiccup- key?”

“It’d be nice, yeah,” She chuckles.

You patted yourself down until you found your key tucked away in your back pocket. Carol unlocks the door for you and takes you inside.

She lays you down on your couch, sitting down next to you. “You’re ridiculous.” She chuckles.

“How are you not that -hiccup- drunk? We drank sooo much.” You drawled out.

“I’m not a lightweight like you.” Carol answers with a light laugh.

You snorted. “Y-You’re funny...and you’re really cute. Like sooo cute...”

You needed to stop talking. Like right now. But you were too busy embarrassing yourself without even realizing it. All because you thought that she was sooo cute.

Carol looks at you, her eyes growing large. “What did you say?”

You scoffed. “You’re not listening? I said that you’re -hiccup- cute. Pay attention, D-Danvers.”

Oh no.

“Okay, let’s take you to bed.”

“I don’t wanna go!”

“Come on Y/N.”

~~~~~~~~

The look in your eyes

My hand between your thighs

Oh this can't be real

It's all just a dream

The next morning you felt awful, like a metal iron was repetitively bashing into your forehead. You sat up in your bed, stretching your arms above your head and yawning loudly. You brought your arms down and scratched your chest, slowly feeling the fabric of your shirt. You slowly looked down, any abrupt movements would make you vomit in your lap and all over...Carol’s shirt?

You leapt off of the bed, falling to the floor and landing on your butt. You scrambled to your feet, making your way to the door. You opened the door and found yourself face to face with Carol, wearing a sports bra and her jeans from yesterday, she was holding two hot mugs off coffee that she made for you and her.

“Good morning.” She says with a chuckle.

“H-Hi,” You breathed out.

“Did you sleep well?” Carol asks.

“Y-Yeah, um...where did you sleep?” You ask forking your nervous fingers through your hair.

“On the couch,” She says pointing to the couch with a tilt of her head. “I wanted to leave you alone in your bed so I took the couch, now here, take your coffee.”

You took the porcelain mug with a shaky hand. Then took a slow sip out of it. You say back down on your bed, Carol sitting down next to you.

You laced your fingers around the mug. “Carol?”

“Hm?” She hummed.

“Why am I wearing your shirt?”

She smiles to herself after having a sip of coffee. “You don’t remember?”

You froze. “Remember what?”

“Yesterday, when I was putting you to bed you puked all over yourself, so I gave you my shirt and put your dirty ones in the wash.”

“Oh, and here I thought I did something embarrassing.”

Carol looks at you with raised eyebrows.

“Oh god, I did?” You tucked the mug between your thighs and covered your face in embarrassment.

“I didn’t even tell you what you did yet.” Carol smiles.

“I’m scared to know.” You say.

“Well, you said that I was cute, or in your words ‘sooo cute’. And you’re not wrong, I am pretty cute.” She says confidently.

You uncover your face. “Oh. That’s not bad, it’s embarrassing but not bad.”

“Mmhm,“ Carol nods. “Y/N...”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like me?”

“Yeah, of course you’re my best friend.”

“That’s not what I asked,” She sets down her cup and turns to look at you, she takes in a deep breath before she says, “Monica doesn’t really have the flu, it took a lot of convincing, but I just had to get Maria to leave us alone so that I could tell you something.”

“T-Tell me what?”

“I like you, Y/N. I mean really like you...much more than a friend and I wanted to know if you...felt the same for me.”

You jaw fell open, a gasp stuck in your throat. You’ve waited a long time to hear those words come out of her mouth and finally she was saying it. You couldn’t process it, you just sat there frozen looking at her with your mouth agape.

“Y/N?”

You grabbed both of her cheeks and pulled her close, slamming your lips against hers. Carol was stiff at first but then relaxed shortly after. One of her hands went to your hip, while the other one was lost in your hair, both settled there and pulling you in closer. Her lips were a perfect softness, you tasted a mixture of whiskey and coffee and eagerly savored every inch of her lips.

You both pulled apart slowly, leaning your foreheads against each other and panting heavily. You bit back a smile, while staring into her eyes. “I like you too.”

I don't wanna be your friend

Lose my breath

I don't wanna be your friend

Lose my breath

[magpiemorality]

Another request, if it's okay ofc, Canon or AU both are fine, Deceit and Remus both being interested in Patton and trying to gain his affections and being dramatic rivals. Patton is a bit obvious to it all at first but it ends with him cheerfully saying he likes them both so they both can become his boyfriends, they don't have to fight

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 AO3

Warnings: cursing, judgemental characters, a character dismissing polyamory as an option

***

“I just don’t know what to do!” Patton flopped down on his bed, keeping his phone up by his ear and pouting at the ceiling. 

On the other end, his best friend Remy sighed before replying. “Maybe you could just go and do something about the situation instead of always whining to me about your crazy lucky love life?!” he suggested. “Because gurl, you’re lucky! My dry spell has been over a week now and I’m starting to go mad-” 

Patton giggled and tuned out as Remy kept on complaining about his own lack of a dating life, twirling a curl around his finger and chewing on his lip thoughtfully. 

It was a pretty heavenly dilemma to have, really. It was just so gosh darn upsetting that Patton had to solve the whole thing by making a decision, instead of just riding the euphoria forever. 

The dilemma was this: Patton had two potential boyfriends and he was only allowed to choose one. 

On the one hand; Dexter O’Reilly was drop dead gorgeous, and climbing the social ranks fast by essentially just building his own and declaring it lord of them all. He was mysterious and exciting and surprisingly sweet, and he was a total bad boy. Patton’s parents would never approve (the fact their wholesome Mormon beliefs didn’t approve of most of his life choices notwithstanding…) but that just made it all the more exciting. Dex would be the type of guy that turned Patton from Sandy at the beginning of Grease; to Sandy at the end of Grease, and he was sorta tempted by the idea of a change. Being perfect all the time was a bit of a drag after a while. 

On the other hand there was Remus Duke. One of the defensive end’s of the football team, he was big and strong and, well he was a football player. Patton was a cheerleader. It was practically the law. And Remus was always smiling, always living his life loud and proud and defending his ideals no matter what it took. More than once Patton had heard of him getting into a fight because someone had said something rude to one of his friends, which should not have been as hot as Patton had found it, but gosh, loyalty was sexy okay?! Don’t judge him. Remus was not quite as much a bad boy as Dex was, but he filled the criteria nicely enough. 

Patton was completely torn. 

“-babes you’re not even listening to me, you complain about your dynamic duo all the time and you won’t even listen to me bitch about all the boys that don’t want to date me?!” 

“Gosh, sorry Rem. I just- I can’t help myself!” 

There was a moment’s silence before the sound of a cup being sucked nearly dry nearly burst Patton’s eardrum. “Hey, that’s not fair you promised not to do that without warning again!” 

“Babes, deal with it. Now I gotta go get ready for class, but I’ll speak to you soon. And Pat?” 

“Yeah?”

“Sort your head out soon. Rumour on the blog discord has it that Duke isn’t gonna wait for Prom anymore and wants to pop the question by Spring break. If you’re gonna pick him you’ll want to let the other one down gently before that happens, ‘kay?”

“Mm.”

“Okay babes, ciao!” 

“Ciao, Remy,” Patton mumbled, dropping his phone by his head and letting out a loud groan. Easier said than done. Especially when it wasn’t just his head that had high stakes in the matter; his heart was going all in. 

***

“Mr Duke, will you please focus?!” Dammit, had he been zoning out again? Fuck. Remus lifted his hand with an apologetic grin, turning back to the experiment his group had running on the counter in front of them. 

“How does she always know?” Toby muttered, eyeing their Chem 3 professor suspiciously. “I was totally covering for you dude, I swear. I know how you get.” 

Remus shot him a grateful smile, swirling the contents of a test tube until the mixture was evenly dispersed. “I know, it’s all cool. She’s just some kind of teaching cryptid, probably. Never doesn’t know every single thing happening in class…” 

“So what was it today? You need to run it off later?” Toby offered once they’d started the bunsen burner and set the timer, sitting back to watch and wait for the reaction. “Bad or good?”

“Oh, kinda… both? No running necessary, bro, thanks, but maybe, maybe some house rules mariokart after practice. It was Patton again.”

Toby winced in sympathy. “Our itty bitty pretty cheerboy has got you bad, Duke. What is this, year two, month three?” 

“Something like that. Do you think I should go back to the plan to wait for prom season? It’s just… that would be easy but then I’m wasting time and I already missed the winter formal chance and now there’s this other guy-”

“Wait what other guy?” Toby asked, leaning forwards to check the timer quickly. “There’s another guy?”

“Yeah, the fancy one. You know the one, he’s got the birthmark all over his face?”

“Huh, I thought you only liked the pretty ones-”

“Hey. We don’t make those jokes, remember? We’re better than that now. And besides, he’s not another guy for me, he’s another guy for Patton. They spent loads of time together over Winter break, and he’s like, super weirdly popular or something. Like a mob boss. He probably has way more to offer Patton than I do… Ow!” He glared at his friend, rubbing his shoulder. “What was that for?” 

“For shit talking my best friend. Besides dude, this could be your motivation, right? You need something to get you moving, because shit if you aren’t gonna do it on your own…” 

“Harsh, but fair.”

“So think of it like a competition. You’re good at those.”

Remus blinked, tilting his head. The timer went off before he could reply, so they tabled the conversation. He brought it back up again when they were on the field stretching before practice, eyes straying frequently over to the gym wall where he knew the cheerleaders were inside doing their own practice session. 

“So, about that competition idea… What did you have in mind?” He asked, attempting to be casual and failing. 

Toby grinned. “Alright, here’s the plan.”

***

“Here’s the plan,” Dex told himself sternly in the mirror. “You are going to go up to Patton and ask him if he wants to get coffee. You are going to go up to Patton and ask him if he wants to get coffee. Shit, no, he prefers tea…” 

He sighed, walked in a frustrated circle around his room and came back to the mirror, pushing his hair back and starting again. “You are going to go up to Patton and ask him if he wants to get tea. With you! You are going to- oh what is the point?” This whole exercise was useless. It hadn’t worked for the past three weeks- why would it work today? He was going to pass Patton on campus and give him the usual strained smile and mumbled greeting before hurrying on with his day, annoyed and frustrated and disappointed and another day closer to losing Patton to Remus Duke. 

Dex would rather die than let that neanderthal win. 

And based on the information he was gathering on his blog, he was running out of time to ensure that didn’t happen. Today was going to be crucial- if he could break his routine of failure that was… Maybe a new plan would help? He could take Patton’s favourite order with him and offer it to him when he saw him and use that as a conversation starter instead? Now, that sounded more achievable. 

The next morning Dex got up early to detour via the cafe, picking up his own and Patton’s orders and wandering through campus until he caught a flash of blond hair and a musical laugh. It all seemed to be lining up nicely until he caught sight of his rival approaching from the other side of the quad. Fuck no, Remus was not getting there first! 

Dex sped up, noticing Remus notice him and seeing the moment he clocked that this was turning into a race. The footballer’s legs were longer and stronger than his own, but Dex had the headstart, and he made it to Patton just in time to hold out the cup of tea with a hopeful smile and open his mouth to explain his offering, when Remus crashed into him and the two of them went sprawling on the ground. 

The drinks were spilled and Patton shrieked in surprise, trying to help them both up at the same time, and then apparently clocking that it was the two of them. He squeaked and went red, recoiling and running away, leaving the two boys to scowl at each other. 

Dex rubbed his hip where he’d fallen and Remus brushed himself, looking very unapologetic. “So, you’re Remus Duke. I’ve heard all about you…”

“Oh yeah? You scared, O’Reilly?” Remus shot back, rolling his eyes. “I don’t need to know shit about you to know I’m gonna be the successful one out of the two of us. I mean it’s the law right- cheerleader plus footballer equals happy ending?” 

“Back off Duke, you wouldn’t know how to treat him right anyway. He’s not a trophy to tick of your perfect life checklist!”

“No you back off- I saw him first! I liked him since freshman year, dude, this is just unfair of you.” 

Dear lord was Remus actually pouting? Dex looked at him scornfully. “Patton isn’t an object. He makes his own decisions. He will pick the better man.”

“Yeah he will. And I’m gonna show him that that’s me.” Remus said with a proud smirk. Dexter stared at him. “I’ve got a plan,” Remus elaborated cockily, and Dex really wanted to wipe that look off his face, but he had better things to do and a reputation to maintain. And a replacement coffee to buy, if he wanted to get through today’s classes. 

He lifted his chin and pulled his messenger bag higher up his shoulder with a scoff. “Well I look forwards to seeing what a brute like you can produce to woo a delight like Patton. In fact, I welcome the competition. It’ll make me look even better by comparison.”

Remus was back to scowling, and Dex tallied that as a win for himself. “I won’t even interfere, you’re going to fuck it up all by yourself, I’m sure. Just look at you,” he sniffed, looking Remus up and down with judgemental eyes. “You’re a mess, Duke. Bye now.” 

He turned to go, leaving Remus huffing and puffing behind him, speechless with fury. 

Things were off to a good start.

***

End of part 2 (woops this is going to be longer?)

[tommyscurls]

Michael & Maria + Sweet Home New Mexico

Two ten year olds were running in the desert during a storm, a first kiss that left them figuratively and literally struck by lightning. A kiss that lead them to a wedding at 18, with a groom half drunk and a wife attending her reception by herself with puke down her dress while he slept it off.

They were so in love but too stupid to know what to do with it.

(•••)

7 years later

Micheal stepped out on his porch to see what his dog was barking about, what he saw was the last person he thought he would ever see, causing him to drop the truck part he was working on.

"Shit" he mumbled under his breath. She was still as beautiful as the day she left him.

"Stop staring and get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce" Maria said already annoyed by his presence.

"You show up here after seven years without so much as a "Hey there Micheal, remember me your wife" or a "Hi Honey! Looking good"

Maria stands there taking in his handsome face covered in grime and grease "You expect me to tell you you look good? What, they run out of soap at Walmart since I left?" Wiping the smirk off Michael's face.

He turns to walk back into the house. "What are you doing?" She yells. "Leaving. You should recognize the gesture" Michael says as the screen door shuts.

Maria let's out a huff and stomps up the porch steps "Michael! You dumb, stubborn redneck hick! The only reason you wont sign these papers is because I want you to." Micheal swings back around "Wrong! The only reason I ain't signing them is because you turned into some hoity-toity LA bitch, and I like nothing better to do right now than to piss you off!" He says as he slams the door.

Maria rolls her eyes and starts off to get the spare key.

(•••)

Maria is sitting on the couch pissed as Michael sits on the barstool drinking a beer, all of a sudden he starts laughing as he goes for the door.

Maria then notices the blue and red lights reflecting off the house. "You called the Sheriff! You know Valenti hates me" she hurries to find a place to hide but a voice stops her in her tracks.

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in" Maria turns with a smile and runs into the arms of Max Evan's as he spins her around in a hug that she has desperately missed these past seven years. "Oh Alanis we missed you around here" Max says as he release her. "Max, I can believe you're the Sheriff now" She has missed her brother in law so much.

"Yup. Get to frisk pretty things like you all day, and get paid for it" He says with a laugh "Just don't tell Liz I said that" He winks.

Michael decides it's time to break this reunion up "Alright Maxwell, let's be a little more professional, we have a crime suspect here". Max turns to Maria putting on a stern face "Now Maria you can't be breaking into peoples houses" He tries to lead her out but she starts walking to her purse "I didn't break in, I used my key" she says holding it up. "Well, it's still not your house"

Micheal wears a triumphant smile "Use the cuffs Max, please". Again before Max can lead her away she goes back to her purse "If you get him to sign these, I'll let you run me out of town." She says with a devilish smirk that if he wasn't so ass backwards in love with Liz, he would be a goner for.

"That's none of your business" Michael says as he tries to take the papers but Max beats him to it. "Divorce papers? I though you said you took care of this Michael." Max plays along for Michael's benefit knowing full well he hasn't taken care of it. "I thought I had" Michael stammers. "Well, since you are still married this is her house too and nothing I can do, I'll let y'all catch up" Max proceeds to walk out the door as Michael starts at him "I suppose shoplifting steaks from Walmart is okay" Maria runs behind Micheal "OH! I took them back and you know it!" she points at him.

Max continues to the door and Michael tries again "You remember that vandalism in the stockyard? Totally her." Maria scoffs at him "Like I could tip a cow, by myself." Max finally makes it to the door laughing under his breath as Michael makes a final attempt.

"Max. Isn't there an outstanding warrant for the person who dumped your jeep in the fish pond" Max stops in his tracks and Maria let's out a huge betrayed gasp.

Ha. Got her.

(•••)

After a day of cleaning out their joint account and making Michael crazy by sprucing up the place and acting like a wife, she finally got him to sit down to sign the papers, but there were a couple questions on her mind that she needed the answers to.

"What are you doing with all that cash? And since when did you quit Sanders? You're not doing anything illegal, are you, Michael?"

"Maybe I am. So what? I don't ask you about your boyfriend, you keep your nose out of my life, deal?" He looked up at her and she could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Who told you?"

"Honey, just 'cause I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid." He looks back down at the papers saying softly "Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten years old."

Maria feels like she got punched in the gut. "Yeah I guess not" she looks down at her feet. She walks over to the mantel looking at the pictures of her truck that Michael restored for her when they were 16. "I saw it in the garage when I first got here, I can't believe you kept it"

Michael looks up at her and he has never seen a more beautiful person in his life. Right then he decides he needs more time, he can't lose her again.

He looks down at his phone "Oh, hey Maria, you know what? I just remembered I have a date tonight" He stands up "You don't mind if I have my lawyer look at this right?"

"What!?" She let's out. How is it that this man can get her so riled up in 2 seconds flat.

"I'm just a simple country boy, there's words in there I can't even pronounce" He walks back to the bedroom when he hollers out "Thanks for stopping by"

Maria is beside herself and all she can do is release a breathe of frustration and stomp out of the house.

(•••)

After crashing Michael's date (which was NOT out of jealousy) with a really nice guy named Alex and making a complete ass of herself in front of all her friends she wakes up with a hangover and divorced papers signed on every line, every I doted.

This is what she wants, this is what she came home for. Then why does she feel so hollow?

Maria climbs up to the top of the Crashdown Cafe to finish her apology tour. Liz is already there hands resting on a rounded belly. Maria's heart aches at the sight, for joy for her friends and sorrow for what she lost at 18.

Liz looks up at her approaching and just like that Maria's let's it all out, neverending flow of tears as Liz pulls her down into her arms "I'm so sorry I left." Liz sushes her with "I know" with so much more understanding than she deserves.

With the tears and apologies out of the way Liz let's something slip in hopes that it will help heal her broken friends.

"He went out to California"

Maria is stunned.

"A year after you left. Michael doesn't know I know, Max let it slip one night. He told him he hadn't seen anything like it, saw how happy you were singing on stage, he knew right then he would need more than an apology to win you back."

Maria was still speechless. More tears were building in her eyes as Liz continued.

"He needed to concour the world first, hes been trying ever since."

"That's why he kept sending back the papers" she said with realization. Liz nodded.

"He went back to UNM and graduated at the top of his class. He's started restoring old trucks and selling them all over the country"

So that explains all the money she thought to herself. Michael was finally becoming the man she always knew he could be.

(•••)

"Thought I'd find you out here"

Michael turned his head to the voice as she joined him on the bed of his truck.

"Still love watching the storms roll in, some things never change" she said as she bumped him with her shoulder.

The two of them just watched the sky in the middle of the desert as the storm rolled in.

"Can't get a view like this out in California can ya Deluca?" He asked still looking out at the horizon unaware of her looking at him not the sky as she replied "No, you can't"

A moment goes by before she speaks again "Ever wonder what would have happened, if" Michael cut her off "We hadn't have gotten pregnant?" Maria nods her head. Michael takes a swig of his beer as he gets his thought together.

"I thought that baby would be an adventure. And it took me a while to realize, it would have been your only adventure. I wanted so much more for your life than to be stapped down with a kid and a husband going nowhere at the age of 18. So I didn't fight you when you left." Maria could see the tears in his eyes.

"I just needed a different life, after we lost the baby, I was just in so much pain" Maria said wanting him to know that she didn't leave because of anything he did.

"You done real well for yourself. I'm proud of you, Maria". He stopped her from saying more. Michael finally turned to look at her and rested his hand on her cheek wiping away a tear.

"I'm just sorry I never danced with you at our wedding, I'm sure this next one's gonna go better for ya."

Maria couldn't take it anymore and brought her lips to his and poured all her emotions into the kiss, hurt, sorrow, love. Michael started kissing back just as much as she was but he was about to do the hardest thing he ever had to do, he pulled back.

"Maria, you have a fiancee, you need to go" Maria pulled back feeling rejection and shame and without a word hopped off the truck and ran to her car.

(•••)

What do you do when you fiancee shows up and promises to give you the life you always dreamed of?

You plan a wedding.

Walking down the aisle and this should be the happiest day of your life but you know this is not right. As if on queue you see your lawyer running down the aisle and you tell him Michael signed the papers and yes that is true but you didn't.

Knowing you can't marry this man you tell him you gave your heart away a long time ago and never got it back.

You tell your friends and family to stick around your going to go find yourself a groom.

(•••)

It's raining when she gets to his garage Liz told her he owns. He's under the truck in the open bay when he hears Maria say

"Hey Cowboy, you owe me a dance"

He gets up and meets her out in the rain, the water making his curls she loves so much disappear.

"Nice dress, where's your husband?"

"I'm looking at him, apparently you and I are still married"

Michael can't say anything hes blown away with how gorgeous she looks in that dress soaking wet. What she says next makes him want to kill Max.

"Why didn't you tell me you came to see me in California?"

"I had to make something of myself."

"You about done?" She throws at him.

"What is it about you girls? You can't make the right decisions til you tried all the wrong ones?"

"At least I fight for what I want." Not backing down.

"Oh, what do you want, Maria? I don't even think you know."

"You're the first boy I ever kissed, Michael and I want you to be the last."

"Maybe you and I had our chance." He says as he starts to walk away from her.

"Fine! Have it your way, you stubborn ass!" She says running after him. Michael finally stops and turns around.

"Why do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?" Maria walks over to him and puts her hands on both his cheeks.

"So I can kiss you any time I want."

Michael can't hold it in anymore and pulls her into an earth shattering kiss that makes them feel like their world snapped back into place. Michael releases her and whispers

"I love you so much"

"Baby, you have no idea how much I love you too" Michael pulls her back into him.

Eventually they make it to the reception and finally have their first dance.

Michael has never been so happy, until one night three months later when they're cuddled up by the fireplace and Maria whispers the words "I'm pregnant"

[parkthatmay]

Homemade soft biscuits

Okay, so if you are like me, then you miss childhood. Playing around in the mud, your grandma yelling at you, and... HOMEMADE SWEETS! Yup. I loved them when my grandmother was baking me pies or cakes, but I loved the most when she would bake me biscuits. "Why not try and make some?" I asked myself, so I did. I baked biscuits and they are ALMOST as good as I remember. Because let's be honest, no one bakes better than my grandmother.

These biscuits don't need a lot of ingredients, only the basics, which is good if you are as poor as I am, or if you enjoy eating milk and cereals in the morning and don't want to use it for baking. Don't worry, I totally get that. SAME

And so, here is what you need to bake some homemade soft biscuits to bring you back to childhood❤

Ingredients:

4 eggs

200g sugar

200ml oil

1 teaspoon baking powder

vanilla/lemon (lemon juice or lemon zest) - honestly, I had some lemon, but they were quite old and I didn't like the way they looked, so I used one and a half teaspoon of cinnamon🤷🏻‍♀️

flour - this recipe doesn't have an exact amount of flour you need to use, but I used approximately 500g flour

Now, starting the baking. I tried to make things as my grandmother used to, without a mixer, but I couldn't. So it's totally fine no matter what ustensils you use.

1. You start by mixing the eggs and sugar until the sugar is melted. It's better if you don't just drop all the sugar at once in the eggs. Try with a quarter of the quantity, and the another quarter, and so on.

2. You add the oil (same as with sugar, not all at once) and the cinnamon/vanilla/lemon/whatever.

It should look like this:

The colour is like this because I added cinnamon, so don't worry if your colour is different. You can even add food colouring🌈

3. Add the baking powder.

4. Add the flour. Now, you still use the mixer. Add 100g of flour. Integrate it into the dough. Then add another 100g and so on until you can't use the mixer anymore because the dough is too tough. I only needed 300g. After you put the mixer aside, start kneading the dough while adding some more flour. But careful not to add too much. I got a bit scared since I'm not used to kneading, because at one point my dough looked like this:

But worry not, my friends! It's cool. And if you keep kneading, it'll look like this:

(which is how it's supposed to look like)

5. We wait. The dough needs 10 minutes to calm down, so cover it with a cloth and just... wash the dishes or something.

After the 10 minutes of waiting, while playing with the dough, it should sound and act like this:

6. Preheat the oven. 180 degrees should be just fine.

When I was little, my grandmother had special shapes for those biscuits, but I don't🤷🏻‍♀️ I tried using a knife to cut the dough in some decent shapes

But seems that I forgot the dough is too soft for this, so instead... I rolled with it😎

It's cool if you don't have baking paper, you can grease the tray with some oil, but I hate washing trails, so I said that if I still have some paper...

7. Finally, bake the biscuits with a medium heat. Something like 150 degrees. Watch the biscuits while they are in the oven, because they are done really fast.

They should look like this:

But you can try them by picking them with a toothpick. If the toothpick is clean when you take it out, then the biscuit is done.

I used icing sugar to 'snow' over them🌨🤭

And they are pretty great🤷🏻‍♀️

Now, they are totally not enough if you live with your parents and sister like me, because this quantity only allowed me 27 biscuits. If you want more, you should double the quantity or so. But they are good, and if you have a sister like mine who worships you and everything you bake...😉

[inakoma]

So there I was sitting on a large, rusty industrial trolley tipped on its side staring out onto a freshly hoed field. Swatting at flies that dare obstruct my gaze out to the horizon. On my phone writing about the deep dark feelings only the notes app can hold and I was thinking about mortality- but like as a concept. Mainly thinking about the phrase 'weak mortal' because it could mean a mortal that is weak but it could mean a being that is weakly mortal (like weakly acidic). Which led to me realising if mortality were a spectrum then a weak mortal would be the closest you could get to immortality as a mortal.

Got me thinking it'd be nice to see a vampire movie where the big bad is calling our heroes "weak mortals" and the de facto leader (who lacks enough emotional depth to be a thrilling protagonist) drives a stake through their heart and is all like "mortality is a spectrum!" and the jaded bad ass, punk kid in the group adds "...and we're tired of letting scum like you live in it." *Spits on vampire ashes* and the black, non binary, human-loving vampire pianist who's new to the group is like "I'm so dumb, I literally just got why you've been calling yourselves 'Some Weak Mortals' all this time" *facepalms* and the annoyingly emotionally stable leader of the group turns to xem and is all like "Now that you're part of the team I guess we're going to have to come up with a new name" and the punk kid from before who's literally everyone's favourite is like "damn I'm sure gonna miss how our enemies would shudder at the thought of squaring up against some weak mortals" while giving the leader a sarcastic evil eye for picking such a dumb name. The leader retorts "Okay fine was it a great name? No. Was it the name's fault so many mortals who are weak can't live without fear even today? Undoubtedly. But, was the name inclusive to everyone in the gang at the time? Yes."

Then the punk kid goes off:

"You see that's your problem golden boy. You're far too much of a people pleaser to deal with matters as important this. Look it's simple really as you say mortality is a spectrum and we're running around picking off the fuckers we don't wanna see on it. We're not some weak mortals. We're not inclusive™. We are..." then it cuts to title screen:

THE GATEKEEPERS

Credits roll

Keith David narrates the "The Gatekeepers" bit btw if that wasn't already obvious and 'The Gatekeepers 2: who gatekeeps the gatekeepers and why the gate keeps gating it's own keep despite the gaters' will feature dementors, forcing the gang to reassess their ideas on mortality to include those who were never even born and of course it will provide in depth instructions on how to kill what was never born and never lived.

(Disclaimer: I'd hate for people to get upset thinking I'm calling them weak mortals so just to clarify all humans reading this fall under the 'strong mortals who are weak' category. Which is to say you're so much stronger than the weak mortals but only in how mortal you are. You are a mere mortal and their mortality is tainted with elements that make them harder to kill and live much longer lives. This explanation isn't made to make you feel better, it's to make sure you're getting upset at the right insult. Your class: strong mortal. Your disposition: weak. Your class means you will die easier and faster than anything else on the mortality spectrum. Your disposition means I don't like you.)

Anyways, first you're going to want to grab a big bowl and get all the ingredients you're gonna wanna put in your brownies altogether:

Add half a cup of melted butter and a whole cup of sugar to the bowl and stir for 30 seconds:

Then add 2 eggs, and 3 teaspoons of vanilla essence and a cheeky lil bit of maple syrup before stirring for a further 1 minute:

Melt your chocolate and mix in but not thoroughly. Then add 3/4 cup of flour:

...and sieve in 1/4 cup of cocoa powder and Cadbury drinking chocolate powder:

Mix again and put a pack of Oreos and galaxy minstrels in a sandwich bag:

Obliterate the content of the sandwich bag by any means necessary:

Finally add the content of the sandwich bag and give one final light stir:

Grease a pan and fit the mix into pan smoothing the top to make it relatively even:

Pop in oven with heat 180° (fan) for around 20 minutes then Bob is your uncle:

Anyone else love the feeling of cleaning up the kitchen while baking so fast no one sees you. Honestly it's better than sex🥵

Um I don't actually possess the skill set required to eat brownies. This satisfaction of producing baked goods seemingly out of nowhere is what fuels me.