#looks like a fucking ebay listing or some shit

[gender-euphowrya]

the thing is when i'm doing better i think "hmm maybe i Can have a job some day and find a way to make it through this capitalist hellscape on my own" and then i get a panic attack from seeing someone else's résumé because the thought of having to sell myself like a product through a little fucking advertising flyer to an employer that sees me as a task-performing robot at best is dehumanizing as hell and sends me back to the worst period of my life

[cyberdragoninfinity]

ms dana cyberdragoninfinity do you have any yugioh spinoff merch hunting tips 👉👈🥺

YESSSS WHIRLS AROUND IN MY BIG SPINNING CHAIR. i Love merch hunting and giving merch hunting tips, there's a whole beautiful world of often remarkably inexpensive yugioh merch out there and once you learn how to track it down a new chapter of your life can truly begin. I bestow onto you some of my advice gleaned from about two and a half years of Searching For Merch Like a Tuffle-Sniffing Hog:

(note: while im specifically focusing on ygo spinoff merch here, you can use this advice to find all kinds of cool japan-exclusive merch!! im constantly getting japanese pokemon merch via tips like these, for example.)

Anyway, MERCH HUNTING TIP NUMBER ONE:

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT BUT JAPANESE EXCLUSIVE MERCH ON EBAY. DONT. SAVE YOUR MONEY.

HEAVY SIGH. ebay can be such a useful site but not for this. good god not for this. You might luck out with a stray deal here or there but stuff like japanese exclusive yugioh merch on ebay tends to more often than not be sold for OUTRAGEOUSLY high prices and maybe it's not technically a scam but well your wallet aint gonna be happy about it. Stuff like tiny Cospa keychains get sold for $30, $40, 80 FUCKING US AMERICAN DOLLARS. AND SHIPPING. LOOK AT THIS SHIT

ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS??!??! NIGHTMARE. NIGHTMARE. do not buy spinoff merch from ebay!! INSTEAD....

TIP TWO: come with me. to proxy buying service ❤❤❤❤

I love proxy services SO much. Basically theyre sites that will buy stuff from Japanese shopping sites on your behalf, then hold the goodies in their warehouse until you're ready to ship them over to you! They RULE. THEY ARE LIFECHANGING, FOR THE HUMBLE MERCH HUNTER. And they're all pretty intuitive to learn how to use, theyve got pretty solid FAQs and they'll walk you through how to request items, and theyll often let you search for merch ON their website, making the buying process even easier!

(There's a whole bunch of 'em, though and they all have different fees and amounts of time they'll hold your stuff for free, so you have to do some poking around and figure out which one you like using the most! My favorite go-to is Neokyo, personally; they have some great discount sales, they hold your stuff for free for 45 days, and their item request fees are all really reasonable!! I LOVE THEM. BEEN USING EM FOR YEARS NOW <3)

Anyway the point here, re: proxy sites, not only do they give you easy access to japanese resale sites and all the merch being sold on 'em, it also gives you access to tWay, Way, Waaaaayyy Lower Prices for trinkets and goodies. Like. look at this listing from Mercari JPN (viewed on Neokyo's site,) of the $125 Jack Atlas Phone Charm from my first tip

yeah that is, um. the same charm. AND two other adorable charms. FOR 13 AMERICAN DOLLARS. THIRTEEN. THAT IS. LITERALLY LIKE 90% CHEAPER THAN THAT EBAY LISTING. AND YOURE GETTING MORE STUFF. there is SO much yugioh (and other anime) merch being sold on jpn shopping sites for like. $4-$10. it is ridiculous. and then when proxy sites have discount deals you can get stuff for even CHEAPER sometimes. (theres also, of course, expensive merch lots too, just like with anything, theres just. also listings for stuff sold for less than a fancy dinner for two yknow HHDFGS)

it basically opens a whole new avenue of sites to find goodies on... I like using proxy buyers especially for listings on more general ebay-type sites like JPN Mercari (there is so much good and sometimes really rare stuff on there) and Surugaya (lots of doujins on there if that's your thing,) but also for buying from the main sites New ygo merch drops happen on (Cospa, eeo store, and the official KaibaCorp store in particular are some of the best.)

Ok, so, ya got your proxy service of choice. How do you find the goodies you're looking for?

TIP THREE: GOTTA KNOW THE BEST KEYWORDS!!!

this isnt really a rocket science tip, but, still: search for stuff not just in japanese but use the kanji!! Sometimes i'll just c/p the base characters of a yugioh guy's japanese name off their yugipedia page and then pop that into the mercari search just to see what sorta treats are floating around with them on it. But if going and constantly copy/pasting kanji into the proxy service search is a pain in the neck a lot 'em will auto translate your English searches too! again, theyre all really user friendly, which is great

(the one thing i will say you SHOULD search in english, though, is spinoff names, actually--you pop GX, ZEXAL, ARC-V, etc. into the proxy search and youll get all sorts of stuff for whatever series it is)

OK ONE MORE TIP FOR YA. TIP FOUR: DO WHAT YOU CAN TO GET THE MOST OF SHIPPING COSTS

ok so that is. the one pain, with merch hunting on proxy buying sites: shipping will probably be Expensive. (unless you go for the cheapest seamail options and then get your box maybe 4-6 months from now 🥴 but hey, it's an option! it's there!) I usually end up paying around $30-$50 for my boxes from Neokyo.

BUT you can at least make that shipping cost feel more reasonable if youre shipping A BUNCH OF STUFF. Shipping one (1) little $4 GX character can badge for $30 REALLY sucks, avoid this if you can--with proxies holding your stuff in their warehouse, you can get a bunch of little cheap goodies and just hold 'em until youre ready to get 'em packed and shipped. Then, whenever youre ready/have the money for the shipping cost, get all the stuff youve bought packed into one box, pay for the shipping, and (usually within two weeks--the one tradeoff of the high shipping price is you get that shit FAST) then get your stuff! It's like FUCKIN CHRISTMAS getting a box of proxy-obtained stuff including things from like two months ago i totally forgot i bought. Makes the $40 shipping sting a little less--like, hey, at least i got like 12 damn things in here and i didnt pay $125 for any of them!!!!

ok i think that's all i got. hopefully this is somewhat useful!! folks are always welcome to ask me stuff about merch hunting, like i said i really like helping people get a hold of stuff :3 it's really a lot easier than it seems at first!

[eye-related-pun]

Found this Weird fucking Doll in the Back Room of my stand?? Checked the tag he came with and it said something like "Meet Nibbly! He's Blinky's Brother, and he's Hungry!" Or some shit?? Honestly I like him a lot, I fuck with him fr. Might ask my Boss if I can keep him, he's cute as hell and would fit right in with the Blinky Doll I have at home! Might post a pic of the tag if I DO get to keep him! I tried looking him up, and nothing came up, not even an Ebay listing?? Weird shit.

ALSO, this picture is Half-Inspired by the ICONIC image of Willem Dafoe, if you haven't seen it, look below the cut.

I am soooo fucking Kin with this image, dude

[itsawritblr]

An Ask about Editing.

"I am seeing mixed information regarding editing and when to attempt to submit to a publisher. I was under the impression that the publishers provide editors, but some online sources are telling me that it is typical to hire your own editor and pay them before you send the novel off to publishers."

All publishers have editors. If they have websites they'll have the editors' names listed there. Example: The Random House Team.

It's not typical at all to hire an editor to work on your manuscript. You're supposed to know how to edit your own work. Some people hire them because they think it'll give them an advantage. However, the question is:

How good is the editor?

There are people who fake being editors. They take your money and do a few changes on your manuscript.

There are people who are mediocre at editing, but will take your money and do a few changes to your manuscript.

If you don't know how to edit, you can't tell who's a charlatan, who's mediocre, or who's excellent.

It's your job as a writer to learn how to edit your own work. If a publisher acquires your book their editor will work with you to improve it. But they prefer to have a manuscript that's as polished and as close to perfect as possible, because that means less work for them and a shorter period from editing to published book.

"Is there a substantial risk of stolen ideas or anything like that when someone hires their own editor?"

OK . . . . *inhale*

Your word for word manuscript is automatically copyrighted from the moment it's written/typed/scrawled in crayon. It's yours. You do not need to file for Copyright and spend whatever the fee is these days. In the highly unlikely case of plagiarism, you have as proof your original ms (manuscript) and your notes, etc., which you used to create your work. And you can prove that the editor saw your manuscript before they published whatever they did.

But ideas can't be copyrighted.

Example: Both A Bug's Life and ANTZ have similar ideas. But they're not copies.

Example: If your story has a short, scruffy detective who smokes a cigar and drives a beater, but he's English and lives in a Detroit townhouse, your idea doesn't legally rip-off Columbo. Everyone will think you ripped it off and think less of you, as they should, but no one can sue you because the ideas are so alike. Well, they can try, but it'll more than likely be a waste of their time and money.

Plagiarism is much more likely to occur if you put your work online, because anyone can see your work and there are a shit-ton of unscrupulous wanna-be writers out there. But no publishing house's first reader -- the person who reads your ms before moving it on to an editor who'll decide if your ms is good enough for them to buy it -- is going to steal your work.

As for a hired editor, it's very, very unlikely.

"My second question would be if you have any examples of perhaps a page or two of a novel where I can read the original version from the author, and then the version after the editor has taken a crack at it and then updated with the editors changes and recommendations? I tried searching for this but didn’t get much luck. I suppose I am looking for a concrete example of how much an editor puts in."

I don't do that. Unless you pay me $$$$.

Editors are essential to publishers. But again, they don't touch your ms unless the publisher decides to buy it. And they won't want it unless you've edited the fuck outta it first.

What you need to do, what all writers need to do, is learn how to be your best editor.

Get a copy of this:

This is a writer's Bible. I suggest owning a copy so you can study it and make notes if needed. You can get cheap, readable used copies from eBay, Abebooks, or your local used bookstore.

You can download this pdf and print it:

The Elements of Style.

Also get this. It's great for fiction writers as well as nonfiction writers.

This also has an online pdf: The Elements of Editing.

There are tons of books about editing. A simple Google search will find them.

Books About Editing Books. This list is for books about editing books and the craft of writing (mostly fiction).

There's Writer's Digest Magazine. They have lots of articles by editors and writers. Read it online and look for copies at your nearby library. Warning: There are ads for editing "services" and that kind of shit. Ads are how the magazine makes its money (that and subscriptions). Ignore these ads.

If you have a local library, ask the reference librarian for the section with books about writing and editing. If it's a small section, or there isn't one at all, ask for an Inter Library Loan (ILL). This is when the librarian requests the title your looking for from any library in the U.S. and often abroad, and it will be sent to her library, for free.

I can't emphasize this enough: The library is your best friend. Librarians are there to help. There are tons of writers who thank librarians in their Acknowledgements, including Christopher Paul Curtis, Anthony Horowitz, and me. Get to know your librarians. (OK, some librarians are assholes. Find the ones who aren't.)

If you don't have access to a library, either public or college/university, look in a used bookstore. If you don't have a used bookstore, cheap, readable copies can be found online.

If possible, take a course in editing and writing. But only if you can easily afford it, and only if the instructor is a professional editor or writer.

You need to be the best editor for your work. No one will be as invested in your book as your are.

I repeat: No one will be as invested in your book as you are.

Learn to edit well, then send off your ms. If you write fiction, you'll need a literary agent (there are a few boutique and small press publishers who don't require agents). An agent wants to see polished work. But, if she's even half-way good, she'll help edit your ms to a level where it's ready for a publisher to see it.

Now, you caught me on a slow day, and I'm feeling generous (I was a newbie too. Got my first rejection at age 11, from Alfred A. Knopf Publishing). But I'm not answering any more questions from anybody, because I have a ms to finish.

If anyone ignores this statement and tries to get more help from me, my response is:

I'm outta here.

[breaded-boi]

ngl i mourn for kids now because holy shit the toys do not have the same amount of detail or paint or anything nowadays. (with some exception, like i have no clue how MGA sells lol dolls for 20 bucks with the detail involved) the designers do the best they can but there's only so much you can do with modular plastic molds and stickers. i had a way better my little pony castle when i was 6 than the kids get now. like ok look at this.

This was the flagship g5 castle playset. and they try with nice molds, modular pieces, and leaning into a design that doesn't need much paint, right? The interactive bits are fun. But compared to what we used to have...

the motherfucking g3 celebration castle. The river, steps, climbing flowers, trim, rainbow-- all of it is painted detail. The inside does go with mostly stickers but that moat piece in particular is lovely. I may grab some more examples but my point is, the designers are still good, it's just wayyy more expensive to get stuff like this manufactured nowadays and it's sad that I idolized someday working in a toy industry that just does not exist the same way at all anymore. And I get if you may prefer the new design since the old castle is a little younger-skewed, but my point is the level of detail here is completely different between the two sets and both were suppose to be the "fancy deluxe birthday/christmas present" option for their respective generations. More examples--

I wasn't born in time to have clamshell polly pockets, but like.

The 2000 jungle pals set. Almost everything is colored!! the immersion is so good and the fact that it's a little fold-out house its so fucking cute. The gradient on the leaf canopy. there are modular pieces but the painted details bring it alllll together.

I didn't have this one but the little trees. the chair. come on. come onnnn

The modern polly, this is the most expensive set listed on mattel's site right now. And everything is either a separate mold or a sticker and i dunno like they try and it doesn't look super bad but it's not at all as immersive. they seem to push the interactive/moveable pieces to try and make up for the loss of immersion but its not the sameeee :( not to mention im honestly not a huge fan of the way they're pushing this particular palette of purple/teal.

This is an older set, and it uses similar colors to much better effect. even with hardly any painted detail the objects they choose to populate the scene with are tailored to that chunky look. Imo if you aren't going to paint a piece, molded detail can be a double-edged sword. the door and furniture in the modern set look much more like just chunks of plastic to me compared to the little food court chairs or the shrub in this one, because the pieces do not call attention to details that seem like they should be colored. There isn't much paint on this one, but if the floor flowers or the ferris wheel were just one solid color it would definitely hurt the appeal ykno?

now, littlest pet shop. im gonna take a second to spotlight the REAL old lps toys before the bobblehead style really came about because I had these as a kid (had a relative with an antique shop, these were before my time and I was lucky) and they are. just. the small amount of painted detail paired with good color choice really makes these work (had to take some of these from ebay listings, it's hard to find good pics)

The duck pond. Painted details on the trellis!! and the magnetic wand you could use to make the ducks swim 🥺 The swan pond is even more beautiful

Even some of the less detailed sets from this era still have enough painted detail on at least one part to help it feel less like just a hunk of plastic.

I don't dislike modern toy design, but it makes me sad. And obviously, I don't know anything about the working/manufacturing conditions at play here and no painted detail is worth compromising on good conditions. It's just wild, looking back. Kids today don't know what they lost :/

[artikgato]

Being a rhythm gamer is suffering

So let me tell you about my Quest To Just Play Some Fucking Guitar Hero. This is an ongoing tale of suffering and betrayal. There is no honor here. There certainly isn't any Guitar Heroing happening.

Last October I went to Anime Weekend Atlanta, which used to be located in the Cobb Galleria across from the Cumberland Mall. Unbeknownst to me, the mall had installed an entire arcade some time post pandemic. And in that arcade there was a Guitar Hero cab. "Huh," I found myself thinking, "I haven't played Guitar Hero in years. How nostalgic. I wonder if I'm still any good at it." So I payed two entire American dollars to play a song (in my defense I thought it would be at least a couple of songs, not just one). And I discovered to my great surprise that I am in fact still fairly decent at Guitar Hero. The song ended and I realized I had payed $2 to play Muse's Supermassive Black Hole once, decently, and I felt kind of ripped off.

But then I spent the whole weekend, and subsequent weeks, itching to play Guitar Hero again. I did a little bit of research and discovered that I could either purchase a plastic guitar controller peripheral and a copy of the game for one of the sytems I still own... or I could download a free fanmade game called Clone Hero and try to find one of the many guitar controllers capable of connecting to PC via dongle, USB or bluetooth.

A few months later I found myself in a thrift shop staring down a guitar. It was one of the Wii Rock Band guitars, and according to the internet I had a roughly 50/50 shot at it actually connecting to my PC with no problems. It was only like $12 so I bought it. Of course I got it home and no luck connecting. More research. That particular model of Wiitar has a dongle that you can use to connect it to the Wii and/or PC via bluetooth. There are a few different auctions on Ebay for the dongle in question. I checked and rechecked the listing to be almost certain that I was bidding on the correct model of dongle. I win the bid, with shipping the dongle has cost me more than double the cost of the guitar. This is fine, I think. I still have a Wii, so maybe I can pick up some of the Wii Guitar Hero or Rock Band games as well. I eagerly await the arrival of the dongle.

The dongle arrives, I put batteries back in the Wiitar, I connect the dongle to my PC. I try to connect the Wiitar to the dongle. Nothing. More research. Apparently this just happens sometimes, nothing to be done about it. I throw my hands up in frustration and give up on the idea of getting to actually play Guitar Hero.

A couple months pass. I am at Southeast Game Exchange. I scour the vending area for working guitars and find none that are 100% the type that connect automatically to PC via bluetooth. I give up again, frustrated but accepting of my fate.

And then I find a sealed copy of Dance Dance Revolution Supernova for the PS2 that includes the dance mat. And let me tell you, I loooooove DDR and I've had 0 luck finding a working dance mat, too. So of course I buy that shit. My PS2 works! I still have the older DDR games too! What a great find, I can't wait to play DDR at home again!

After the show I'm stewing on my inability to find a goddamn guitar controller to play Guitar Hero or Clone Hero. I obviously still have a working PS2 which I just bought a dance mat for. I look on Ebay to see if someone is selling one of the PS2 Guitar Hero controllers and happen to find someone selling a used copy of Guitar Hero 2 with the guitar included! Lucky! The seller even gives me a discount! Finally, I can play Guitar Hero! I hit buy with no remorse and eagerly await the arrival of the guitar.

I finally get the guitar in the mail. I eagerly open the box up, take out the guitar controller, plug it in to my still functioning, very recently tested PS2 slim. I put the Guitar Hero 2 disc in my PS2. It boots up, how nostalgic! I still have save data from when I played this game all the way back in college! Oh hey, this game is the reason I still have Monkey Wrench by the Foo Fighters in my frequently played playlists! I select the song on medium difficulty and start playing. I've been having a terrible week, so I really needed this. I stumble a bit at first, but by the chorus I've got the hang of-

The game freezes.

Okay, uh. I try to go back to the main menu. Nothing. I reset the PS2. Is it the game? It's got a couple of scratches, but otherwise the disc is fine.

The disc cannot be read.

Huh. Am I about to leave a bad review on Ebay? I mean, the guitar and the game both worked until they didn't, right?

I try a different disc. Same thing, cannot be read. Well, that one has some scratches too. What about the sealed copy of DDR Supernova? I open it up, no scratches, pristine. I put it in the PS2. Nothing.

Some frantic Googling suggests that the laser might be dying. I try a PS1 game, same thing. It's definitely the laser. Well, that sucks. Fortunately, the internet assures me, this is an easy fix! I can get a replacement laser from Ebay for under $20, I just have to wait for it to be shipped from China. Oh, and I'll need a soldering iron. And I'll need to completely take the PS2 apart.

Yeah, no. So I search for places nearby that I might be able to mail the PS2 to in order to get it repaired, and wow, what luck! There is one such place that is only a 2.5 hour drive away from me! And their website reassures me that it's such an easy fix that it should only take about 30 minutes, 2 hours at most! At this point I am feeling like a 5 hour round trip to get my beloved PS2 back in working order so that I can play some fucking Guitar Hero is worth it. If I stay in my apartment for any longer I'm going to scream.

I should have called ahead, in hindsight.

So I get the car, which is it's own ordeal. I get on the road. I like longish drives, so really 5 hours in the car isn't so bad. The place also sells a lot of used games and stuff, so surely I can find something interesting there to make it worth my while. And there's a used CD shop nearby too. This is going to be a fun day trip.

I get there and they tell me the repair will take about two months.

Well, I've got no choice, so I leave the PS2 with them. And feeling like I need to get something out of a 5 hour day trip, I browse their wares. They just so happen to have a used PS2 slim model for sale. "Works perfectly, just has some paint damage!" it claims. I ask them if they'd be willing to give me any amount of store credit for the PS2 I brought in, even knowing the laser needs to be replaced. They cut me a deal. I ask them, repeatedly, if they are sure the PS2 works and the only problem is the paint damage. They reassure me that it works fine, the discount is because it has the paint damage and comes with no cords or controllers. I decide that I really just want to play some fucking Guitar Hero some time in the next two months, so I do the trade and I leave the shop with the other PS2.

(And then on the way home I drive through an actual monsoon and my car battery dies at a rest stop, forcing me to wait on roadside assistance to jump the battery, but that is unrelated to this tale.)

Today I unwrapped the replacement PS2. I plug it in, I put the Guitar Hero 2 disc in, I turn it on.

It won't. Fucking. Read. Discs.

I just want to play some Fucking Guitar Hero! And now I've got that brand new dance mat and so many copies of DDR that I also cannot play because NOTHING IS BACKWARDS COMPATIBLE WITH PLAYSTATION 2 GAMES. I call the shop and try to leave a polite voice mail, but after about 30 seconds I get cut off. I call the shop back and leave a much less polite voice mail. And now we wait, because of course a shop run by gamers doesn't open until 12 noon. And it's not like I can even drive back up there (not that I want to) because my car is in the shop getting the battery replaced.

B͉̤̘͙̖̳̙͋̽ͣ̏ͫE̟͚͖͕ͪ̉͆̽Ị̮͕͆̏̾̓N̹̭̾͂̈͑̚G͔̠̮̮͎ ͨĀ̰̼͕̟̭̯̺ ̪̳͕̘͓͙͇̓ͧͩ́R̼̱̯̤̬̊̄̈́ͨ̆̇͂H̰͓͈̭̲̄̆ͪ͌͐Ȳ̝̖̩̯̤̳Ț̺̳̼H̟̫͎͙ͬ̈̾̈͌ͮM̞ͪ̓̓͆͌ ̳ͣG̽̂̐̆A̯͈͉̭̪M͕͕͈̰̬̼̝ͥ͂Ë͉̮͇́̍̂͑͗Ṟ͈̭͖̪̥ͧͭ ̦̍ͨ͆ͬͦ̈̚I̦ͭͤS͉̝̞͍̞͙͑̀̌̊̌̈́ͅ ͍͖Sͮ͗ͨͨ̓ͩU̜̬̪̯F̳̐̿͛F̦ͦͣͬ͆̏ͧE͍͙̫͔̞͗Ŕ͔̮͌ͯͩ͋̈́̚ͅI̦͔̭̠͒N̼̥ͣͅG͚̹̳͕̮̮͈̍̓̎ͧ

[normaltothemax]

@hxllblazer

He would’ve laughed if it wasn’t for the fact that death by potato wasn’t exactly up high on his list. But oh well, point was made, amusement was had, though John couldn’t help but wonder if she just had a good stomach about her or if there really was a genuinely better reason than ‘Ooh death get out of my town’.

“Dybbuk boxes?”

Okay… he had to admit, that was a pretty good reason. “Considering a dybbuk is a pretty pissed off spirit? Nah, that’s pretty normal… ‘cept there’s a problem.” A frown, fork tapping idly against the plate. “Y’ know what that thing is? The guy that originally owned the wine cabinet was bought off o’ eBay with a story attached to it ‘bout how it were owned by a Holocaust survivor. No real evidence ‘cept a website ‘bout bullshit happenings and some rapper that went about claiming that it was behind his bad luck.” He was sure that’d be enough for her to wonder what in the fuck he was on about, but it was about to make sense.

“The point t’ this? Dybbuk boxes are a load o’ shite. The guy who sold the original even admitted that it’s all bull. So, that leaves t’ question…” He leaned forward, fork pointing for indication. “Just what did y’ go and procure and what’s currently calling it home?”

For a moment, just a moment, Max had felt a little bit relieved. The whispering of the dybbuk box was normal. She'd just keep it where she'd hidden it---in the ceiling at work---and continue ignoring it, like she had been. Of course, Constantine had to go and completely ruin that moment of relief immediately after providing it.

With a sigh, she rested her elbows on the table. Head in her hands, she groaned into them, muttering, "goddammit," along with a few other colorful phrases. Once she'd gotten it all out of her system, she looked back up at the man and shook her head.

"No fucking clue. My boss ordered in this jewelry box and told me to clean the wax off of it before we put it out for sale. I didn't, obviously. Even just going near the thing gave me the creeps, and the second I touched it the whispering started. There was no way in hell I was gonna take off the stuff that's sealing it shut. I've got enough weird shit in my life, I didn't want to add 'being haunted' on top of it." She was a little afraid she already had.

Folding her arms on the tabletop, she bit her lip. "It gets louder whenever I get near it. Whatever's inside really wants to get out. You got any tips? 'Cause it feels like..." God, she hated that she was saying this out loud, making it real. "It's like its reach is extending, or something. Like, I don't have to be in the shop to hear it anymore. It...follows me."

[cramajoki]

A Christmas DVD I got long ago

So I grew up as this kid who loved animation. I tried to go to see as many animated films as I could and see all the greatest animated films especially. So logically my mom would get me various animated films for Christmas. Including one year... this.

I don't know. Maybe I asked for it, but it was weird. It was this cheap DVD in a thin case which eventually fell apart. The picture you're seeing isn't even the one I had as that broke. This is a picture of a copy on Ebay that someone's selling. Maybe if someone gets me that one or rips it for me to view I'll review the whole thing.

Is it really worth my time?

No.

I was reminded of this watching one of Phelous's videos on a Goodtimes production where they rereleased some of their films in a compilation on a VHS, and among them he listed a Rudolph and Friends VHS which sent my brain to remembering this piece of shit.

So it's making itself out to be a double feature of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and something called "The Night Before Christmas" The Rudolph one you might expect to be the Rankin Bass short, but no, it's the Max Fleischer short. Which is fine, that one is also pretty neat.

The other one... was not the Night Before Christmas. It was not the animated adaptation of the poem that many know of. Instead it was of a short where this guy dressed up as Santa for these orphans. Sure. Why not.

There were some odd things about it like the back of the case having these screenshots for the shorts. There were two for the Max Fleischer Rudolph short... and then one featuring this skunk character? I have no idea where he's from.

Unfortunately I don't have a pic of that, though I can provide screenshots of that Rudolph short for a visual aid.

Oh wow, I actually found a picture of that fucking skunk lol! This is what he looked like:

I guess this is from something called "Snow Foolin'"

Get it. Like No Fooling. Ha. Nice Weather, isn't it?

No.

Then, as the back was split into two sections for those main features, below that were screenshots to what was supposed to be "The Night Before Christmas" and instead of being any of the shorts on the DVD... they were screenshots to The Christmas Tree.

Visual aid:

The Christmas Tree is a famously bad Christmas short. However all I had were the screenshots, and the screenshots looked decent, so it was disappointing that it wasn't on the DVD. would've been a ridiculous ride if it was though.

On the DVD you could select either the Rudolph feature or the Night Before Christmas feature. Each having other public domain shorts after them. I don't remember any of them, so honestly I could be mixing that up with this other cheap DVD my mom got me one year which was called "Felix and Friends" featuring shorts from Felix the Cat (The Golden Goose one) and Casper, I think just the original Casper short. It also I think had a short with that large baby chicken if you know what I'm talking about there.

Did we learn anything today?

No.

[gjenevarants]

Insomnia/Tears

2/26/24

Insomnia has been a bitch for the past few weeks. It's been at its worst this past week though. The least I've slept is probably four hours. The most I've slept is probably seven, but with that, I'm not falling asleep until four or five in the morning, meaning I'm waking up sometime between ten and eleven right before lunch. And that means I'm only eating twice a day.

Mostly I've been keeping myself distracted by reading when sleep escapes me, but I'm almost out of books. I think I have maybe two left now? Other times I've been writing, but as that is something I do during the day to pass the time, it doesn't do as much for me.

Tonight or today I guess it's three in the morning as I write this, I got in my head again. Mostly anger and loneliness rearing their heads. Maybe a bit of despair as well. I'm honestly tempted to take my meds again. They were only for anxiety and they didn't work all that well when it came to that, but at least while I was taking them I wasn't crying every other night.

Truthfully I'm writing this to try and keep myself distracted from the endless cycle of internalized self deprivation. At least with this, I can occupy myself with trying to keep track of typing and hitting the wright keys in the dark.

I have a to do list that I made in January. I started on it then when I came back from dad's and I haven't touched it since. I don't even know what's on it anymore. So I need to take care of all of that. I know doing my laundry is on there. I also need to talk to my parents and schedule my wisdom teeth removal. I should have had them taken care of years ago. Its at the point now where if their in for maybe... four more months I might have serious damage. I'm starting to feel weird jaw shit now too, so it definitely needs to happen as soon as possible, probably next month.

Another thing that needs to happen is my acquisition of a job. I don't know when my taxes are due for my car but I now it's some time within the next two-three months. I'm starting to stress about it. I need to set up an eBay account so I can sell some of my old action figures. Some of them are actually worth money even out of the box. I also need to finish up my mushroom hat project so that I can finish my earring project. I never should have started the mushroom hat without finishing the earrings but I got excited. The mushroom hat is a personal thing, but at least with the earrings I can make money.

I want to look into trying to get a savings account that my mom can't see. Both her and my dad have access to my bank account because they have passed money to each other through it before. I really want to remove mom's access but I have no idea how. She looks at it some times and asks me questions about it all nosy and judgmental like: "Did you get Starbucks again?" No. That shouldn't even be listed I literally bought that with a gift card. I think I'm scared she's going to seal from me? I've said it before but she is shit at managing money. I'm worried that once I get a job, she'll start skimming from my funds.

I already owe her money for the college classes I dropped out of. Who knows how much I'll have to contribute to rent. To taxes. I've been measuring my money in how much a week worth of personal groceries costs me. I've been forgetting about personal necessities because of that. Really, all of this scares me. At this rate everything scares me. So much for stopping tears. I'm crying again. I just woke up the cat from blowing my nose.

Speaking of the cat, I definitely have PTSD after Sabi. At the end of his life he had a mass in his gut as well as/caused by organ/intestine deterioration. His stomach would gurgle almost constantly. Hearing that with him was comforting because I knew it meant he was still alive. Nibi's stomach has been making gurgling noises too now. I think it only happens after she uses the litter box or eats. It freaks me the fuck out though because every time I hear it, I think there's something wrong and that she's going to end up in the same spot Sabi was in. My mom's cat is a whole other thing/mess. Ari's at the point where I think it's kinder to let her go, but mom doesn't listen. When she does it goes back to money.

Why does everything circle back to money? What dumbass came up with the brilliant idea of everything revolving around money. Who the fuck needs to revolve around the sun? We can use paper bills and tiny little coins that some random people somewhere will collect.

Nibi just came back from wherever she went. I'm going to keep an ear out for her tummy and hope for the best. Maybe I'll be able to get four to seven shitty hours of sleep now.

[yourlocalgrammarpolice]

Guys, gals, and non-gender confirming pals. Some serious shit is going down. Girl Scout cookies are being sold in illegal ways that could cost you more money for your Thin Mints.

All across my council, our standard price for cookies is $4.00 a box, and $5.50 for our gluten free cookies. However, some are selling them for $5.00-$7.00 a box. That is illegal.

When I signed up to sell cookies, I had to sign a document saying that I would follow all rules and regulations, and one of those regulations is that I will not under any circumstances charge more for a box of cookies than is standard for our council.

Some are listing them on eBay or other online shopping sites, such as Amazon. That is illegal. Online sales are perfectly okay, but they are only to be posted to private accounts such as private Facebook and Instagram pages, or private Snapchat stories.

Selling those online like that can get a Girl Scout in serious trouble, but not only that, it creates unfair advantage. I'll get into unfair advantage later.

On top of that, some people are buying boxes from girls, marking them up and putting them on eBay for a higher price. That is illegal because it says clearly on the box that you cannot resell boxes of cookies, and you cannot sell the cookies if you are working apart from a Girl Scout.

So, why does this matter?

Because it's unfair. I've been a Girl Scout since I was 6. Every single FUCKING year, I have worked my ass off to try to get a free week at girl scout camp, because I cannot afford to go by myself. You used to have to only sell 600 boxes. Now you have to sell 1300.

What happens when prices are inflated illegally, is they take that extra money and buy donation boxes. Donation boxes give you credit for the boxes, but the money goes towards a charity.

This means someone who sold 600 boxes for $6.00 each, now has around 300 extra boxes they can claim they have sold.

Or, if someone is selling on a public page, they can now reach to demographics outside their council, or even their state. This means that all the other girls have a school, some grocery stores, and a church to sell to, and Bethany is selling to hundreds of people in Miami and San Francisco, because the boxes are cheaper from her than where they live.

So, when all of these girls are selling so many boxes, the council decides that the girls are selling boxes too easy, not understanding how they're doing it. But they don't care. So they raise the goal.

Now, because girls are selling double their cookies, they double the goal. Which means that a 7 year old who just wants to go to camp now has to go sell twice the amount of cookies than the year before. And if she can't reach the quota, she's out of luck.

So, when you buy cookies online from eBay or Amazon, or accidentally buy marked up cookies, you're not only costing yourself more money, but you're also making it harder for girls to achieve their dreams.

So, how can you stop yourself from fucking over a bunch of elementary school kids? Easy.

Don't buy cookies online, unless it is in person, or through a private social media link. We do have official websites, but eBay and Amazon sales are a no-go.

When you start seeing booth sales, look for the troop number, and if you can't find it on the booth, it should be on the girls vest. Ask for the cookie price. Leave. It sucks that you're not buying, but do this with a second and maybe third troop to figure out if any of them have marked up the boxes. If they are all consistent and have the same type of cookies, then they can all be trusted. If any of them are more expensive, do not buy them.

Report. If you see any type of sales shown, ask for more information about them, find out their troop number, a leader name, or if they're online, where their council is located. Then, find the website for that particular troop, call and report.

Lots of people don't realize just how greedy some parents are. And the competition of cookie sales makes this whole problem even worse. Weed them out, please. I'll be aging out of Girl Scouts soon, and I just want the Daisies and Brownies in my troop to have a fun cookie season, not whatever the fuck is happening now.

[nandostateofmind]

Goals Are Dangerous!!!

Playing it Close to the Chest….

Goals are a beautiful mess. Goals help you achieve things that you never thought possible. Goals are great for guiding for actions and improving your situation. However, goals can be dangerous as fuck. Or better stated, goals spoken out loud can be dangerous as fuck. Goals spoken give you the same dopamine hit that actually achieving the goals do. With that being said I achieved exactly one of my goals listed in 2022. Only one. Well………… Two I “read” 15/16 books out of the 10 I “goaled” for myself but that’s relative because I didn’t physically read them they were read to me om Audible. So if I allow myself the leeway of having been read to instead then I “finished” 15/16 books in 2022. The Only other goal I hit was I made over 100K. That’s it.

On a list of 13 goals for 2022 I did two. I realized too late that many of my goals were dependent on other people being involved. I’m trying to not make that mistake again in 2023 these goals are for me and me alone. Somethings were achieved because of unforeseen circumstances. Some things weren’t achieved because of a change in goals mid-year. Somethings were subjective dependent on others to get to them. Others however were my failures and mine alone. Those are the ones that bother me most…

I never reached 200 lbs flat. I did end up weighing more than I ever weighed post weight loss surgery though. At one point reaching as high as 242lbs again which depressed me and made me feel like I was going to end up fat and sick again. I was drinking suddenly all the time. It became habitual to drink every weekend at least one day. Often that one day of drinking wasn’t a single drink it was to get tipsy or sometimes even drunk. Ultimately, I lost some weight I’m back to 229.4lbs this morning and I have put back the goal of being 200lbs. My mentality has changed largely in part to reading a book called Mini-habits by Stephen Guise. It stresses creating small habits to change your mentality and achieve goals. With that being said I stopped focusing on reaching 200lbs and I have begun focusing on make better choices in exercise and diet and focusing the next lb instead all the lbs I want to lose. If I lost just one lb a month but keep it off for a year that’s 12lbs that not bad at all and imagine if I keep that trend going for 3 years I would be well below my goal of 200lbs. So that’s all im doing making small manageable changes towards it. No drastic shit that ultimately fails because of overreaching trying to do too much at once.

I didn’t run a 5K because I injured my knee unexpectedly. I don’t expect it to improve without rehab or possibly surgery. I may try this anyway with a brace depending on the health of my knee. I didn’t invest 8k. I realized I was getting about 8-12% returns on my passively managed investments and I was paying out 18-19% on my credit cards so I felt like I was kind of losing 10%. So I reduced how much I was investing to reflect that change of goal. That being said I didn’t pay off the percentage of debt I had hoped to in 2022. I didn’t take 2 vacations, I only went on one, or one that including a flight somewhere mainly because my wife didn’t really have the time or agree on the locations I wanted to travel to. I didn’t learn to edit videos and frankly, I didn’t look at my goals list enough to make this a priority. My wife was busy running her therapy business to run her beauty line business but I made no real effort to help make that better. I didn’t list my eBay stuff out of pure laziness, I definitely had the time. I am obsessed with Brazilian jiujitsu but I understand that the ranking is subjective and that the journey is part of it so I didn’t get two stripes on my blue belt but this one doesn’t hurt. I don’t mind I know that the stripes mean nothing unless you are a black belt. So until the color of the belt changes it isn’t a huge hang up for me. So, I included stripes for my 2023 but that the one that matters the least to me especially I don’t particularly feel ready for my purple belt anyway.

Now here are the two that I failed at miserably. I didn’t blog much at all and absolutely positively purchased shoes and sneakers, many of them. The blogs I am using my same mini habit strategy for that this year. Which is set a super small goal to achieve daily towards it. A goal so small that even on my worst day I could manage it. My goal for blog writing is two sentences a day, which resulted in this blog itself. Now the sneakers and shoes……..I may give you on that one and just accept that like Brazilian jiujitsu I want to be a part of it the rest of my life. ​

Which brings us to 2023. 200lbs is again the gift and the curse the dragon I’m chasing forever and always. 2 stripes on my blue belt the least important but the most fun to chase. Compete in two Brazilian Jiujitsu tournaments regardless of outcome but just to overcome the fear of it. Read or listen to 10 more books, which should be easy considering I only have to listen and absorb the books. Writing 30 blogs may not be realistic but hey only 29 left let’s see what dreams may come. Lowering my debt is happening by default because I did a debt consolidation that is 36 months I believe or 48 months and by simple mathematics by the end of the year as long as I don’t increase my debt 25% will automatically be gone just because of the nature of the consolidation. Going to the gym twice a week, another fairly simple one because I love Brazilian jiujitsu and I love weight training so twice a week feels deeply manageable but I may edit that one to work out twice a week for the sake of not forgetting to work out at home if I need to. Drilling more Brazilian moves is for me to feel I’m making an effort at getting better every day. Finally comes making more love. This began as a joke that I sent to my wife but fuck that this is genuinely a goal. Love making improves my mood and focus. So for 2023, I want to make sure more of these goals are met. I’m going to try my best, best of luck to any of you who may stumble upon this. Success isn’t a finite thing there’s enough for everyone, your success doesn’t directly correlate to my failure so I hope we all win!

[eddiemunsonstrojans]

"Eddie Munson fucks. He's got condoms on his nightstand."

He might, and he does, but those condoms are not current (from 1986). Either the set design people made a little gaffe with the design of that box... or they've got a different idea for what's going on with it.

The TrojanENZ Lubricated condoms on Eddie's nightstand most resemble designs from the 1970s, not '80s.

Eddie's box: Trojan-ENZ Lubricated

The box is one flat color, with the condom variation printed plainly on the front, and a Trojan icon in the upper right of the logo. Much like:

Example One: Trojan-ENZ box from 1976

(Source: What Will 44-Year-Old Condoms Look Like?)

Example Two: Trojans box from 1972

(Source: This eBay listing)

Example Three: Trojans Plus ad from 1973

(Source: This eBay listing)

Season 4 of Stranger Things is set in 1986. These days, condoms expire after about 5 years (3 with spermicide). So Eddie's box would have to be from 1981-83 to just barely meet standards of not expiring - provided they could last as long as modern condoms. (Trojan-ENZ have spermicide now, and might have then, so 1983 is probably the most accurate.)

In the 1980s, the box design just did not match the ones in Eddie's trailer. As early as 1981, the Trojan-ENZ Lubricated boxes were wider and featured a couple in silhouette. They did not seem to go back to an earlier design by 1986.

Example One: Trojan "Rest Assured" print ad from 1981 (ENZ Lubricated pictured on the left)

(Source: This eBay listing)

Example Two: Trojan-ENZ Lubricated Print ad from 1983

(Source: This eBay listing)

Example Three: Trojan print ad from 1986 (ENZ Lubricated pictured on the bottom right)

(Source: This eBay listing)

Eddie Munson's condoms are expired. If Eddie does fuck, he's either using someone else's condoms or being irresponsible about it.

...

Credit to SPIDERPXNK on Twitter for finding a match for the box design (and a bunch of other cool shit in Eddie's room).

I just went down the rabbit hole because it hit some special interest points (graphic design and set design).

[docholligay]

So I don't forget to remind you tomorrow and also because I'm sure many others would love to know: Please share your tiny feet resources for finding shoes one can wear with a suit! ^‿^

Yes!

Okay so I have tiny little feet. I'm a size 6.5-7 in US sizes, which effectively puts me out of most "Men's shoes."

But I do, from time to time, like to wear a suit! And I like to look good in it, and part of that is having the right footgear. So here are my personal best options for small feet, along with a handful of companies that also make small shoes, but I either recommend with some qualification, or don't know about quality.

Best Pick: Allen Edmonds

This is one of those things where I'm gonna get hatemail and passive aggressive reblogs because tumblr is broke bitch central, and if you're a broke bitch who can't afford these and isn't interested in laying away for them, that is fucking fine! But you don't have to tell me about it. I MYSELF DO NOT YET HAVE A PAIR OF THESE. Please trust that I've read the fucking Terry Pratchett novel.

Anyway, Allen Edmonds is an incredibly high quality shoe, and they are full leather and recraftable, which is something you should be looking for in a shoe you want to spend actual human money on. It means the whole damn shoe can be resoled, uppers fixed, etc. These shoes can last you twenty years.

But Doooooccc they're so expensive. OH THEY FOR SURE ARE. Let me tell you how I afford so many high-end goods. It's called ebay! I set alerts for shit, and I am ON IT. Takes me months or years, but eventually things come to me, generally. There's a size five pair of these on ebay right fucking now, lightly used, in the brown wingtip I desperately want, for less than 70 bucks total. "Okay well then why the fuck aren't you buying them?" They're in a wide and I have tiny narrow feet my sadness is total, my heart JUMPED when the listing came up.

Midrange option: Josef Seibel

I wear a hellfired fuckton of Josef Seibel. These are my current dress shoes you're staring at. They do come in a patent, but I think these dress up and down better. This is technically a woman's shoe! I recommend the brand in general for "women's shoes" that look like "Men's shoes" Like these pirate boots on clearance at Dillard's. They have a fair few styles that look 'masculine' or whatever.

You can OFTEN find these new or lightly used on ebay.

Cheap (TO PEOPLE NAMED DOC WHO ARE ME. I AM NOT THE KEEPER OF YOUR BUDGET): Florsheim boys

These are often at least leather and so will last you a full season or two of wear unlike "vegan leather" which is fucking plastic. The soles are not as well-made, and they aren't as shockingly comfortable as the two above brands, but I have TOTALLY bought and worn these in the past, especially if they have a jazzy colorway on clearance.

Other places or things I offer up with qualifications:

Tomboy Toes: They are ~queer owned~ but frankly, I'm not an identity buyer, and for the price I find Josef Seibel to have a more comfortable and quality product.

Just buying fucking cheap boys' shoes from Target or some shit: Totally doable, will not last you very long at all, best if you're a very occasional suit wearer and not interested in walking much or far in them.

Red Wing: Only their Heritage line is quality, I don't find their offerings to look good with a suit.

Thursday Boot Company : High quality, or so I've heard but I don't find their boots to look good with a suit.

Clarks: They have a fantastic UK selection of brogues and such for women but fuck America I guess. If you're in the UK this is a great resource.

[amphtaminedreams]

Why Ethical Fashion Doesn’t Need to be Boring (In the Words of a Shopping Addict): Lookbook no.14

Hi to anyone reading,

Arghhhh.

I never know how to start posts when I literally just uploaded the other week because I tend to follow the very formulaic approach of summarising what I’ve missed due to sporadic posting…I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m still posting sporadically, it just so happens I’ve had more content to get up recently-sometimes lightning strikes twice, ya know, and I have a brief, if chemically fuelled, reprieve from the permanent state of exhaustion. It’s not like there isn’t stuff to talk about- the last month has seen a horrific murder and public outcry in response. There are a lot of important conversations going on about women’s safety and misogynistic violence that I really cannot do justice to in a paragraph and feelings that have been brewing for a long time that I can’t articulate yet and will not attempt to offhandedly do so in this post. Right now I just wanna say that I stand in solidarity with all those with histories of experiencing violence at the hands of men, those who aren’t here with us anymore as a result of that violence such as Sarah Everard, and those marginalised women whose stories don’t make national news. It’s very telling the way Sarah’s vigil was responded to by the same police force that have allowed mostly male anti-mask protests to go ahead with protestors unscathed, and solidarity with the women who were treated with such an unjustifiable amount of force at the vigil too.

That being said, women’s rights are something I wanted to talk about in this post, with regards to the way it ties into ethical fashion. None of us are perfect and it’s easy living in a first world country to detach yourself from the issues stemming from fast fashion, especially when you don’t have the time or money yourself to be selective about where you buy from. Don’t get me wrong, I do treat myself to some new clothes from fast fashion companies like ASOS and Urban Outfitters a few times a year so this is NOT coming from a place of preaching, but I have drastically reduced that to buying about 90% of my new clothes either second hand from Depop or charity shops or clothing stores that are upfront about their outsourcing practices. I love putting outfits together and updating my wardrobe and I don’t want to abandon that as a medium of self-expression because it does bring me joy, but to continue to update my wardrobe with the frequency I do by buying from fast fashion retailers on such a regular basis I accepted was going against the things I care about; around 80% of textile workers on poverty wages in developing countries are girls and women (opensocietyfoundations.org), and whilst fast fashion companies in the West continue to outsource manufacturing to said countries to cut costs and there is little regulation enforcing employers to pay women the same amount as men or even adhere to a minimum wage, they will continue to be forced into these roles where they are subjected to horrific working conditions, impossible production targets and frequent abuse (according to an article published in the Guardian in June 2018, 540 incidences of abuse, often of a sexual nature, were reported by women working in factories supplying the retailers GAP and H&M when they were interviewed on the subject). There is no denying that the fast fashion industry depends on and perpetuates the subjugation of women and systematically prevents them from making steps towards gender equality in their countries, be it through greater financial independence or the freedom to pursue higher education; the popular current practice by western fast fashion companies of outsourcing manufacturing to factories unhindered by workers rights and gender equality laws by association condones the sexual and physical violence that occurs as a means of punishment for not meeting targets, the exploitative pay which affords women little independence from husbands and families dominated by patriarchal values, and the long, exhausting hours which women have little choice but to take in order to avoid their contracts being terminated and to put food on the table. No, one individual completely abandoning fast fashion isn’t going to put an end to these unethical practices but if all of us make a conscious effort to reduce our consumption at least a little and make it clear why we’re doing so, we put greater pressure on fast fashion companies to act in a more responsible way. There isn’t going to be any kind of miraculous change of heart, so to force them to change we have to hit the industry and the people at the top who benefit from such practices where it really hurts: their profit.

SO, for this post I thought I would highlight some of my favourite more ethical online clothing companies to buy from; the more popular these more socially responsible brands become, the more apparent it becomes to fast fashion companies relying on an exploitative business model that how they treat their workers is of growing importance to consumers. It’s all very well and good Missguided and PLT talking about empowering women and making “girl boss” slogan tees but we need to make it clear that we’re aware of the hollowness of the gesture, and that we want less hypocritical talk and more action to actually enhance the lives of the women that work for them, not just the ones they show in their flashy offices on TV. I’ve included my favourite Depop shops too, because if you can shop second hand, that’s even better; though I like to treat myself to new clothes now and again, I’m aware that the impact the manufacturing process in general, whether or not the company acts in an ethical way with regards to their employment practices, has on the environment is more often than not detrimental. Depop has really been my saving grace this past year-if you know what you’re looking for and have the time and patience, you can find so many gems, and at this point the balance of my wardrobe is tipped firmly in the favour of the reuse and recycle approach to shopping. In the vein of reusing fashion, I thought I’d also include a mini lookbook for a cardigan I got from one of my favourite online retailers, The Ragged Priest, just as a reminder that 1). The best way to be sustainable is to rewear and 2). That with tweaks, one piece alone can give you multiple completely different outfits. Like honestly, outfit repeating doesn’t have to be a literal repeat. Sometimes it’s worth spending a little bit extra on something that looks good with everything, and making that investment into your ability to fool people that you’ve got your shit together by wearing something cool as fuck.

Quickly before I get into it, I’m aware that some ethical companies are a bit out of the average consumer’s price range, and so I wanted to sort them into price point categories which will work as follows:

£= most of their stock is £40 & under ££= most of their stock is between £40-£100 £££= most of their stock costs upwards of £100

Now, in no particular order (and starting with online retailers before moving onto Depop shops), here’s the list!

1. THE RAGGED PRIEST

PRICE POINT: ££

Using recycled fabric to construct their pieces where possible and releasing clothing in small drops designed to sell out rather than following the typical fast fashion model of outsourcing the production of vast amounts of clothing overseas, the Ragged Priest is my absolute favourite clothing brand out there. It’s *semi* affordable and because they are all about those bold, in your face, your-grandma-will-probs-think-it’s-ugly kinda pieces, just one can do SO much for your wardrobe.

I recently bought this cardigan from their The Simple Life drop and had so many outfit ideas for it that I thought I’d put a few of them together for this post just as an example of how you can take the same piece over and over again and still make it interesting, even when you don’t feel like straying too far from your personal style preferences. While we’re at it, I also wanted to use this mini lookbook to point out how fucking great Depop is! Literally everything in these outfits is from there apart from the shoes and the jewellery, the leather blazer on the right I bought a few years ago and then the top and skirt in the outfit from the far left which are both from Ebay. The shoes with that outfit are from Koi Vegan footwear-I didn’t include them in this list because I wanted to keep it consistent and focus on ethical clothing companies rather than retailers that focus on one specific thing such as shoes or jewellery, but they are my favourite place to buy shoes from and focus closely on ethical production too so definitely recommend.

2. MINGA LONDON

PRICE POINT: ££

Towards the lower end of the ££ price point, Minga is probably the closest you’re gonna get to an ethical version of the Dolls Kill Deliah’s range. Their focus on being a socially responsible business is a huge part of their ethos and their pieces are put together in Portugal, where they're based, by a small in-house team; the majority of their fabric is sourced from local Portuguese businesses and even more amazingly, they recycle the fabric of the pieces they don’t sell in new designs. They are just a generally amazing company and I wish more people knew about them because their pieces are fucking adorable and wouldn’t be out of place (or overpriced) in your local UO.

3. ELSIE & FRED

PRICE POINT: £

A small, black owned business set up by 3 siblings from Coventry, Elsie & Fred have earned themselves a reputation as a staple provider of the festival season wardrobe. Being an independently owned business, they have strict standards that their manufacturers must adhere to and a close working relationship with the owners of the two factories who oversee production in Guangzhou, China, to ensure fair wages and a safe working environment. On the environmental side of things, Elsie and Fred are working to incorporate recycled fabric into their designs as much as possible and have this year introduced compostable mailing bags.

4. HOUSE OF SUNNY

PRICE POINT: £££

Follow enough British instagram fashion influencers and you are bound to have heard of House of Sunny in 2020-snagging what is probably my all time favourite coat from there in 2019 before all the hype is a humble brag I will allow myself on the basis that I haven’t been able to afford anything since, lol. Along with kooky, one of a kind designs, being decidedly anti-fast fashion is a huge part of their branding; HoS only drop 2 collections of limited stock a year, thoroughly screen suppliers and on their website you can find a tonne of information on how they’re working to offset their environmental impact too. If you can treat yourself to a piece from there at any point, the quality of the garments truly make the price point worth it.

5. JADED LONDON

PRICE POINT: ££

Similarly to The Ragged Priest and House of Sunny, Jaded London go the route of dropping limited collections on a less frequent basis intending to sell out (particularly popular pieces are occasionally restocked) rather than needlessly manufacturing vast quantities of garments to flog for whatever they can get and cutting corners with fair employment practices to offset any losses. By employing independent staff in the manufacturing plants with which they liaise to ensure fair, dignified working conditions and also by working closely with charities such as the Trussel Trust and Stand Up to Racism, Jaded London demonstrates a level of commitment to corporate responsibility that set them apart from a lot of similar online retailers. They are at the top of their game when it comes to daring and experimental yet wearable pieces and so it’s cool that they recognise the need to conduct their business in a considerate way too.

6. THE HIPPIE SHAKE

PRICE POINT: ££

Owned by UK based bohemian queen Naomi Hession, the Hippie Shake is not only a great small independent business to support but is also the definition of slow fashion. With a limited number of opulent 70s style pieces, I have always wanted to purchase something from here. I’ve yet to do so but I’m gonna make it my mission eventually.

7. VINTAGE HEARTS

PRICE POINT: £

An affordable, gorgeous array of quirky handpicked vintage pieces that would probably take you forever to find in a charity shop or that you’d be charged a small fortune for if you found it in a high street second hand store, Vintage Hearts is where you should go if you want a timeless statement piece that may have otherwise ended up in a landfill. The added benefit of vintage clothing is that it is, by its nature, great for the environment, but you can also look fab and groovy as fuck as you do your bit for the planet<3

8. WE ARE COW

PRICE POINT: £

Offering both original vintage pieces and reworked pieces using recycled fabrics, We Are Cow has both basic branded second hand items but also handmade streetwear style original designs all for a fair price. You can tell that it’s all high quality stuff consistent with their modern, functional aesthetic and it’s clear that the team behind the shop has a real vision in mind when they’re designing. 

9. OUT OF THE ORDINARY CLOTHING

PRICE POINT: £

In the words of Corrie Davis, founder of OOTO "I start with the belief that fashion will be always be worn differently by the individual that wears it. Every collection from Out of the Ordinary is different to the last but undeniably Out of the Ordinary. I champion flamboyancy and embrace the cultures I've experienced around the world, merging the two and creating popular style trends in exciting textiles, prints and techniques to bring to you something a little Out of the Ordinary." That pretty much sums up the vibrancy, vivacity and bold elegance of the brand’s aesthetic perfectly, which is reflected by Davis’ commitment to ethical manufacturing based on relationships forged between the founders and family artisans and the sourcing of fabrics from textile markets around the world. Everything you need for a boujie summer holiday in the Mediterranean-when leaving the country is finally allowed again, lol, EVERYBODY GET YOUR FUCKING VACCINE-is here.

10. WILD THING

PRICE POINT: ranges from £-£££ depending on the brand

Probs the closest thing you’ll get to an ethical ASOS, Wild Thing brings together a host of sustainable and independent clothing brands and puts them all in one place to present to us all a collection of the sickest festival style fashion out there. Whilst it’s super cool that this already exists and a slice of humble pie for myself to remind me that I am not in fact the revolutionary marketing genius I thought I was, I’m bummed to know that my idea of said ethical ASOS style website is already out there. Fingers crossed for the next grand money making scheme that comes to mind that I can use to distribute some wealth (yeah, there probably won’t be any because very few original thoughts enter my head, clearly, tehe) xoxo

11. SHOPFLUFFY

PRICE POINT: ££

I know it’s 2021 and we all kind hate the idea of girl boss feminism and the connotations of privilege and exploitation that come with it but can we bring it back when we’re talking about women who embody what it was actually all supposed to be about? Because the owner of ShopFluffy, @lulutrixabelle embodies everything good about the term. Somebody who genuinely does (cue Ramona singer voice here) empower other women through her celebration of powerful female friendship and free spirited sense of personal style that should inspire every one of us to wear whatever the fuck we want (clashing patterns and over-accessorising be damned), Lulu handmakes all the designs on her site and very much places an emphasis on slow fashion by releasing only a few collections a year which you can clearly tell a lot of painstaking effort and talent went into. ShopFluffy is on the pricier side but the adorable crocheted coords LuLu specialises in, reminiscent of carefree childhood days and picnics in meadows picturesque enough to be the backdrop of a Jacquemus runway presentation, are a bold and beautiful expression of playful femininity worthy of departing with a bit more than you’d usually spend. After all, if you are gonna spend that money on a piece of clothing, supporting an ethical, independent woman owned business clearly built on carefully honed skill, passion and authenticity is the way to go.

12. SHOPEASYTIGER

PRICE POINT: ££

It feels correct to follow up the ShopFluffy mention with ShopEasyTiger given the friendship between the former’s owner with Tigerlilly Winfield (is that not the most wonderfully storybook character sounding name of all time?), owner of Easy Tiger. Up there with my most revered style icons, Tigerlilly’s designs are as flamboyant and glamorous and daring and dramatic as her own personal style, and again, they are ethically made! If you want to get that psychedelic rock n’roll groupie that’s actually way cooler than the band itself kinda energy too, her shop is the place to start.

13. HOTTTRAMP 

PRICE POINT: ££

Founded by the incredibly hot Belle_hott_tramp on Instagram, HottTramp is a collection of both handmade pieces and carefully selected vintage finds that blur the lines between 90s Courtney Love style grunge and 70s summer of love hippy that make me want to start my own all girl rock band and hire a camper van to paint black and road trip through the American desert. Given my complete lack of hand eye coordination, I’ll most likely never have the instrumental skills to do that but I never said it was a realistic fantasy, okay?

14. LAZY OAF

PRICE POINT: ££

Is it just me that always thought Lazy Oaf was within the same kind of price range as The Ragged Priest? Because it’s a lottt more expensive than I thought. That being said, if you’re going for a playful, toned down Molly Goddard kinda look, anything bright and youthful, Lazy Oaf’s clothes 100% fit that brief. You are paying more, but part of that markup is reflected in their transparency when it comes to their ethical code, which includes ensuring that statutory minimum wage laws are adhered to in the supply chain as well as that all workers are of the legal working age for their countries and that their working hours do not exceed the legal limit. They are also steadfastly committed to donating a portion of their profits to charities dedicated to improving mental wellbeing such as Mind, Rethink Mental Illness, and Young Minds, something that is hugely important to me given my own experiences and the line of work I want to go into.

15. NEVER FULLY DRESSED

PRICE POINT: ££

Similar in their aesthetic to Out of the Ordinary, Never Fully Dressed is big on colour, print, and elegance. They have both specially selected second hand pieces on offer and original designs too and the about us section of their website clearly states how passionate they are about their ethical manufacturing process, which takes place both here in the UK and in China.

16. TUNNEL VISION

PRICE POINT: ££

Offering the dreamiest, one of a kind vintage 90s pieces, Tunnel Vision could just as easily be a grunge girl band come the craft themed moodboard as it is an online retailer. If the 90s isn’t for you-I mean, I don’t wanna question anybody’s taste levels but…-they also have the option of shopping by era, which I think is a really cool feature I wish a lot of irl vintage shops would incorporate.

17.  LOVE TOO TRUE

PRICE POINT: £

Everything on Love Too True is fucking gorgeousss and it is no surprise that they manufacture their garments here in London because I feel their brand totally encompasses that stereotypical 90s East End punk vibe perfectly with a shit tonne of chunky boots and show stopping plaid pieces that makes my heart ache for a riot grrrl renaissance. Yes, when it comes to feminism’s place in mainstream culture, making sure the political goals and structural changes we’re aiming for are visible to all is by far the most important, but let’s have a resurgence of the grunge girl’s armour along with that and PLEASE let’s leave athleisure in the 2010s. No more Kardashian nude leggings, I beg (I AM being lighthearted, wear whatever you want! We’re not policing women’s clothes in this neck of the woods).

18. NINE LIVES BAZAAR

PRICE POINT: £££

Eurgh. Nine Lives Bazaar. I want it ALL. Their clothes give me all the Etro, Zimmerman, Torey Burch, modernised Stevie Nicks vibes on a slightly more realistic budget, though unfortunately for me said budget just isn’t realistic enough. You would think pieces being ethically produced is just a given when it comes to clothes within this price range but that’s not necessarily the case and Nine Lives Bazaar is one of the ones you can trust to actually be considerate of their employees needs when it comes to their approach to business. To anybody who can afford to shop here, I am insanely jealous. The rest of us, for now, can just browse the website n feel the fantasy, channel a Valentina level of delusion and pretend it’s just the import taxes from Australia that’s holding us back from making a purchase.

-DEPOP SHOPS-

1. @HOUSE_OF_EROTIQUE

PRICE POINT: ££

Everything handmade and latex and form fitting to make you the baddest bitch in the room, I’ve got myself a few pieces from this shop over the past couple of years. Customer service is a bit hit or miss and there’s been times when I’ve had to wait a while for my purchases to get to me but because they’re all one of a kind and custom made to fit, it’s worth it, and when they have messed up they were kind enough to add something to my order for free.

2. @SACREDHAWK

PRICE POINT: ££

If you picture raiding the wardrobe of a biker gang, snatching the Coachella bound suitcases of the Revolve ambassadors at Palm Springs airport, and then jumbling all those clothes together, that’s probably your best bet at getting an idea of Sacred Hawk’s aesthetic. Formerly an ASOS concession, the brand is now available on Depop and is a collection of the most lavish glam grunge pieces, all vintage or reworked vintage. Some things are a bit on the pricey side but I would say they are all priced fairly considering how unique and ornate a lot of the pieces are, and I reeeeally wanna be able to say I own something from there one day.

3. @IDENTITYPARTY

PRICE POINT: £££

I struggled with how to categorise this Depop shop in terms of price point because although there are some fairly low-priced pieces, the standouts are the vintage coats which are understandably a lot more expensive-if you want to fully immerse yourself in the Almost Famous Penny Lane fantasy, you’re gonna have to fork out a little bit.

4. @RETRO_RAIL

PRICE POINT: £££

Retro_rail is of a similar vein to IdentityParty, in that the standout pieces are the vintage coats which are usually upwards of £100-if you’re looking for one-of-a-kind statement outerwear to invest in, I can’t recommend this shop enough. If you’re like me and you’re looking for something more within the £ to ££ price range, Retro Rail is still worth a browse as inspiration for the kind of styles you might wanna try and find elsewhere on Depop.

5. @5THSEASON

PRICE POINT: £

Most of the quirky vintage pieces you’ll find on offer on this Depop shop are within the £25 to £40 price range and though you’ve got coats similar to those you’ll find on Identity Party and Retro Rail and they are sill slightly more than the tops and trousers and dresses on sale etc., they are more modestly priced than the other 2 listed.

6. @DREAMERSREBELS

PRICE POINT: £££

Another v pricey one, dreamersrebels specialises in the daintiest, most whimsical 60s style co-ords I’ve ever seen. Handmade upon purchase, which in turn guarantees little textile waste, you can find the kind of pieces you’d expect to see on a 21st century incarnation of Audrey Hepburn, all the soft pastels and timeless, retro silhouettes you could possibly wish for. I mean, wishing is pretty much all I can do rn but anyone with a near minimum wage retail job knows you need something to aspire to, lol. I managed to budget enough to treat myself to a Selkie dress so I’m manifesting that same level of self-discipline to get me a dreamersrebels piece next.

7. @AWKWARDPHASE

PRICE POINT: £

Very affordable vintage pieces that range from cutesy mid-century style dresses and coats to grungy 90s jackets, perfectly styled and presented too in a way that will have you wanting to order something for yourself to replicate that modern spin on old staples and give them a second life.

8. @EVIEHALLOWS

PRICE POINT: £

Another Depop shop where the clothes are styled so well, it’ll have you thinking you can make anything from a floral 1950s housewife style cardigan to a lycra jumpsuit look very intentionally on trend.

9. @JAHOOLI

PRICE POINT: £

There’s also Jahooli, which I will just say ticks all the same boxes as the other two aforementioned stores to avoid repeating myself.

10. @LOVELYANDLOVELESS 

PRICE POINT: £

In terms of price, I would put Lovely and Loveless into the same category as Jahooli, Awkward Phase and Evie Hallows, the difference being that the clothes available are more on the dainty, classically feminine side. People who have a Pinterest board dedicated to the cottagecore or light academia aesthetic (whew, the gen Z is showing), this one’s for you.

11. @CHLOESTJOHN

PRICE POINT: £

Finally, we have the ChloeStJohn Depop shop and it’s definitely a good one to end on; picture the wardrobe of Carrie Bradshaw if she’d lived in Camden instead of New York in the 90s and hung out with a slightly edgier crew than Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha and there you have it, the vibe of the pieces on offer. Does it belong to a girl who probs lives near Primrose Hill and has access to all the boujiest second hand clothes shops available which she most likely routinely raids to resell on Depop? Potentially, but hopefully not because I am very here for this whole red wine in one hand and a cigarette in another back when people were allowed to smoke inside bars aesthetic. I’m sorry that the gen Z part of me once again jumped out in such an aggressive fashion with that last sentence, but I know you know what I mean.

And that’s everything! 

I did wanna close off the post with a reminder of how nuanced a discussion this is-having the time and money to be more conscious about your ethical footprint when you’re buying clothes is in itself a privilege; fashion shouldn’t be an interest reserved for only those who have the means to pay extra or spend time scouring the internet. It’s also important to be aware of the lack of size inclusivity-a lot of the “trendy” sustainable fashion brands tend to not stock anything larger than a size 14 and attempt to deflect attention away from this by categorising clothes as either XS, S, M, or L, which is in itself a bit of a pisstake considering that 12-14 is the average clothing size here for women in the UK, and so in no way large. Shopping from Depop and Ebay is hard too when so many brands fail to understand how to fit a non-straight size body which in turn necessitates trying stuff on before you buy it, something that isn’t possible when you’re shopping second hand. A lot of Depop shops fail to offer returns and even with those who do, chasing up that return can be a time-consuming and generally all round frustrating process.

Basically, when we’re having these kinds of discussions it’s important to consider everyone’s situations and avoid sitting on some kind of high horse. I feel like things have become even more complicated lately- with the recent closure of once popular high street stores such as Topshop and Miss Selfridge, it has got me thinking a lot about just how many people’s income here in the UK is dependent on fast fashion retailers too and their popularity. The job scarcity resulting from these kind of closures, which are often all that is available to a lot of people with the demands of the job market seemingly becoming more and more impossible each day even for those who have been in higher education, is clearly an issue when the kind of support you can expect from the government as someone out of work is so woefully inadequate and likely to become even more so as the conservatives push for further cuts to UC and PIP. The past year has really shown us just how shaky the ground that an intensely capitalist society stands on is and how quickly everything can go tits up when we don’t invest in a safety net for those who are struggling. People seem to have realised more than ever the extent to which those whose jobs we deem “low-skilled” are actually the backbone of society, and yet even here, whilst the situation may not be quite as desperate as it is elsewhere, we still haven’t seen pay rises that reflect that. Turns out all the clapping WAS an empty gesture, who’d have thought it (for fuck’s sake)? Fair wages really are a global issue that starts with paying people enough for them to comfortably live on and in time should lead to a shift in consciousness away from the concept of profit before everything else and towards an equal playing field for everyone, something we should take every opportunity to speak up about and demand from our “leaders”, however shit a job so many of those leaders do. It’s frustrating how the focus on making ethical purchasing choices is so often on the overconsumption of things that women historically are more actively interested in such as clothes and accessories and make up when the reality is that the wealth of every industry titan on this planet, NOT just the ones who dominate the fast fashion sphere, depends on them continuing to get away with exploiting people-we should be looking at how we can show our dissatisfaction in all areas. Maybe I’m perpetuating that with this post, since a lot of the online retailers I mentioned only sell women’s clothing, but that being said, I’m not about to do men’s work for them, lol-they should make the effort, if possible, to research into sustainable clothing alternatives too.

Anyway, that’s the end of this post! If you read to the end, thank you so much! If I’ve made any errors in my research or there are more sustainable clothing brands that I could’ve mentioned, feel free to inbox me them too, and I can add them to this post if Tumblr allows. It’s usually a little bitch when it comes to editing long posts but I’ll try my best:) Again, thanks for reading! And if you are, I hope you are safe and well!

Lauren x

[copias-thrall]

How would Mary goore react to hurting someone he genuinely cares about? I absolutely Love your writing!💕

Hello, nonny! Thank you, I love this ask!

This was going to be  alist, but it got away from me! 😅 

Enjoy 😘 

It wasn’t anything big.

Just a few of Mary’s favorite beers (the craft kind—not the shitty beer he drank on his shoestring budget), some of that chronic shit you’d scored and have been saving for a special occasion, and a VHS box set of horror movie classics.

***

Mary comes in and out of your life at will, and that was something you accepted—knowing he was As Is or not at all. And honestly—no, really—you liked that. You had your own shit going on, and being Mary’s expected caregiver was NOT something you wanted to add to that list.

(If someone else wanted to try to tame him and pick up after him, well…kudos to them. Less work for you.)

Mary showed up on your pivotal days and he rubbed your feet and always invited you out to trivia. You'd held him when he was coming down from a bad trip and listened to his grievances and gave him a place to stay when he was persona non grata at his own. And in a way, that made you always feel like #1 in Mary’s world…and that was good enough for you.

***

A few months ago, Mary had been lying on your couch, picking the label off his beer bottle.

“I’m gonna be away for a bit,” he’d said.

“Oh?” you’d responded as you’d mashed the controls on your gaming controller.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll be around…but I got some shit going on.”

You’d paused your game.

“Bad shit?”

He’d waved you off.

“Neg. Just tryna get myself out there. Signed up for open mics and shit.”

He’d shifted, his long legs receding from around you and folding under him.

“So, like…I got my job at the bowling alley…but nights and weekends are kinda shot.”

You’d tried not to let the disappointment show on your face. You supported Mary’s dreams, and that meant not making an issue that he was finally trying to do something about them.

This wasn’t against you. It was for him.

When you’d taken too long to respond, his face had scrunched.

“But if you want—”

“It’s fine, Mare,” you’d said as you’d made yourself smile. “This is important to you, so it’s important to me.”

You’d unpaused your game.

“Just don’t expect me to not beat this game without you.”

He’d grabbed the controller out of your hands with a snarl, causing you to cry out when you died.

“Fuck the game.” His hand had fisted your shirt. “Give me a night to remember.”

You had. Twice.

***

Mary had texted you occasionally over the next few weeks—a few memes, a few drunken key-smashes, a dick pic, and 2 grainy videos of his performances for critique—but such contact was sporadic, and you’d never seen him in real-time. 

He’d blown in one night, five weeks in, with a box of pizza just as you'd been heading out to meet your crew. When you’d told him you’d made plans, he’d looked so crestfallen that you’d caved and canceled on them.

While he’d been there, he’d given you a date in 3 weeks.

“That Saturday I have nowhere to be,” he’d said as he’d chewed. “I can spend the whole day with you.”

You’d been careful not to seem too eager.

“Oh yeah? Should I plan shit?”

He’d crammed the whole crust into his mouth and had given you a doughy grin.

“Why ’’ya think I told you?”

You didn’t know what you’d expected, but when he’d had to bounce 90min later, you were still surprised. (That was hardly enough time to digest!)

“Sorry,” he’d winced. “I gotta be on a bus in 45min.”

He’d left, and you’d been too embarrassed to join your friends who were only just going to the second bar.

Having fun with your man ;) ? one of your friends had texted.

What do you think? You’d texted back before changing into your pjs and turning on Netflix.

***

So maybe you were low-key excited about your day with Mary.

Perhaps you’d spent those 3 weeks figuring out the perfect date—something that said, “I missed you,” without saying “But in a clingy way.”

Beer and horror were two things the both of you were totally into, and you knew he’d be exhausted, so it seemed perfect. You’d bought the boxed set off of eBay and splurged for expedited shipping; you’d borrowed your brother’s old dual TV/VCR from his college days; and you’d forgone your weekly Chinese takeout for the craft beer funds. (And if things got steamy, well…even better.) 

***

A few days before The Date, you’d run into Mary on the bus. You were coming home from a shift, and he was going to his.

He’d brightened and waved you over—as if you weren’t already on your way—and you’d plopped down beside him with a tired grin. You’d told him of the latest entitled asshole, and he’d showed you another clip of him on guitar.

Before your stop had come up, you’d tentatively placed your hand over his.

“We still on for Saturday?”

He’d blinked at you a few moments before grinning.

“Yeah.”

“Should I plan a whole day for us, then?”

His arm had crept around your shoulders before pulling you into him to kiss your temple.

“Yeah, why not.”

***

That morning, you wake up happy. 

Mary will be over soon.

You roll over and grab your phone.

When should I expect you? :-* 

It takes him an hour to respond. You aren’t surprised—Mary isn’t known for being a morning person—so when your phone dings, you grab it up excitedly.

An excitement that dies when you read his text. And reread. And re-reread.

not 2day 

goin upste 2 show 

You blink.

What show? Didn’t we confirm? 

yeah. got me thinkin 

why no show? 

so i chked 

i missed one 

gotta do it 

Rage blooms hot, then cold behind your eyes and down your cheeks.

But you said we had the whole day. I made plans. 

save em 

ths is impt 2 me 

We’ve had this planned for weeks. 

i thot u suprted me 

on a bus cnt tlk 

You send a few more irate texts, but he doesn’t respond, and you toss your phone across the room with a shout of frustration. You scrub the hot tears from your eyes before they can fall.

And…on paper, Mary isn’t wrong. Nothing you had planned won’t keep: movies, beer, takeout.

But…

It gives you a stark look at what you mean to Mary. He gave you this date and confirmed it. He knew you were making plans.

How long was he going to wait to tell you he wasn’t even in the city anymore?

You fight the urge to kick the VHS tapes across the floor, but you open the fridge and grab a beer. If Queen Elizabeth could have beer for breakfast, then it was good enough for you.

Once you’ve downed all eight, you move on to the jug of vodka you keep for cleaning.

When you empty only liquid from your stomach into the toilet, you grab your frozen fries out of the freezer. You roll a handful of the cold ones in your mouth as you wait for the others to crisp in the oven, and once you’ve consumed the cooked ones, you go right back to the vodka.

***

Opening your eyes the next morning is a mistake, so you take a few deep breaths and go back to sleep.

When you wake again, your heart is fluttering, your stomach turns, and it feels like there’s an ice pick behind one eye. Shuffling slowly, you make your way out to your kitchen where you take some painkillers, drink some pickle juice, and eat two slices of plain bread.

The sense that you did something awful stays with you, but you’re in no condition to find your phone and see what you’ve done. Instead, you go back to bed. It takes more deep breathing to settle yourself, but once you do fall asleep, you’re out for hours.

You don’t feel amazing when you swim to consciousness again, but you feel at least like a human being. 

Your phone is dead when you find it under the sink, and waiting the 5 or so minutes for it to charge feels like waiting to face the executioner.

It’s both better and worse than you expected.

You breathe a sigh of relief to see that there are no vague social media posts, and you didn’t drunk dial any of your friends, but…

The texts to and from Mary are ugly.

Apparently, you’d managed not to send him angry texts until he’d sent you another clip of his performing. But then the floodgates had opened.

You’d started with telling him you didn’t give a shit about the show, how he was an inconsiderate ass, and then you'd devolved into incomprehensible, typo-ridden texts that accused him of using you, that you were only something to do when he didn’t have anything better to do, that he was an entitled man-child and if he didn’t apologize, you were done.

Mary’s texts in response range from him being angry at your disregard, to heated retorts you were blowing this out of proportion (and he didn’t appreciate your “ad hominem” attacks), to a cool detachment that this wasn’t working over text and he’d finish this in person.

You put your head in your hands but are too dehydrated to cry.

***

Mary doesn’t text you again during his self-imposed time frame.

You don’t text him either, but that’s more out of self-preservation than pride. There’s no point exacerbating the situation…and you’re pretty sure there’s no coming back from this, so why speed up the inevitable?

The horror tapes taunt you every time you walk by them, and you wonder if you can return them (you can’t). You give the TV back to your brother, and when he asks you how it went, you plaster a smile on your face and say, “Great!” with forced enthusiasm you hope comes across as genuine.

The primo weed goes over to your friend’s house, and the two of you wax poetic all night about existential claptrap as you devour two cheese pizzas and a bag of bbq chips. You talk about Mary without talking about Mary, and you get a heartfelt, “Sorry, dude.”

You beat the video game anyway, but it’s mostly because you needed something to occupy your mind and less out of spite (though that’s there as well).

***

Despite waiting on tenterhooks to hear anything from Mary, you truly don’t really expect to. You know you’d been atrocious, even if it had been prompted by his careless disregard, and you know Mary isn’t really the kind of guy that troubles himself with relationships that are hard.

Not that you’re in a relationship.

So when there’s a knock on your door a week later and Mary’s behind it, you’re genuinely surprised.

You gape through the peephole in shock.

“Fuck. If you’re there, just let me in, ok?”

Fumbling with the chain, you unlock the door and crack it open.

“Mary?”

“You gonna let me in?” he rasps.

You shrug and step away from the door, and he shuffles inside. He looks around like you’ve changed anything (you haven’t), before turning around to face you.

You close the door and stare back.

He folds his arms. “Breaking up with someone over text is tacky.”

What you think is, So you’ve come to do it in person, but what you say is, “Can’t break up if you’re not together.”

He winces and runs his fingers through his hair. 

“Yeah…apparently I’ve ‘taken advantage' of you.”

This…isn’t what you’re expecting.

“I…what?”

“Can we sit down?”

You nod, and Mary sits rigidly on the edge of your couch. You curl up in the chair on the opposite side.

He rubs his palms down his greasy jeans before he speaks.

“I mean…you pissed me off, ok?”

You nod.

“But, like—you weren’t wrong, ok? I kinda knew that deep down, but I’m a dumbass, you know?”

You don’t nod.

“And I kinda bitched about the whole thing…but the resounding response was that I was the asshole.”

He angles his body toward you.

“I guess I’ve kinda been treating you like my best friend that I fuck sometimes.”

Your entire face flushes—you’d always thought you’d maybe ranked a little higher than that—and you duck your head so he can’t see the tears that you blink back.

There’s a swish of fabric, and you startle hard when Mary’s hand is at your chin. He jerks back with a Sorry.

“Shit—that’s not what I…” he blows out a breath and puts his hands behind his head before looking back up at you.

“But you aren’t, and…fuck this is harder than I thought.”

So this is it.

Waiting for him to do the deed is clearly going to be excruciating, so you take charge of this whole shit-show.

“I understand,” you say flatly.

“You do?”

“It’s ok, Mare-Mary. It’s my own fault for reading too much into it. I just…I saw what I wanted to see, I guess. I know you don’t need…” you look down into your lap, “…my shit in your life.

He makes a noise low in his throat, and then he’s squatting in front of you, his hot hands planting on your knees.

“But I want your shit in my life.”

You squint your eyes at him.

“But what I said…”

He grasps your hands in his.

“Pissed me off, yeah…cuz I wasn’t fucking thinking, ok? You’re like one of the only people who gives a crap about what’s important to me. And all I could see was you suddenly…not.”

Anger wells up in you again, and you yank away your hands.

“Weeks, Mary…weeks of you all over the tri-state area, and you thought I didn’t care because of one night?! A night you promised to me?”

He sits back on his heels. “I know…fuck. Ok? At the time, it just felt…like the show couldn’t be rescheduled. Our night could.”

Because you’re what he does when he’s bored.

You curl in on yourself.

“Shit.” He leans forward again. “Fuck, I’m sorry, ok? I’m fucking on my knees here.”

You blink at him. 

What? 

“Please, please don’t break—say we’re done.”

“What?”

“Look, we can go into my shitty fucking psychological profile on why I fuck around later…but right now I need you to know that I knew it was you before I fucking knew it was you.”

You uncurl.

“That…’what’ was me?”

He knees forward and presses your hands to his face.

“The one I wanna spend my free time with. The one whose opinion means the most. The one who was the first person I wanted to share all my good shit with. You’re the one I missed, and—after that awful fucking night—everything felt pointless because I knew I couldn’t come over and jam about it.”

“Mare—what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a fucking dumbass. I’m saying I thought I was pissed at you, but I was pissed at myself for fucking it up.” He sighs. “I’m saying no fucking one was on my side and they all told me to get my shit together.”

He looks up at you with wide eyes, and for the first time, you can see how they’re outlined in red, his subtle crow’s feet more pronounced.

“So, you’re not done with me? I’m not…too much trouble?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “What? Shit, no. I’m asking you to not be done with me. I’ll give you all the nights you want. Fucking text me, and my ass’ll be here posthaste.” He shifts up, and his thumb ghosts over your lips. “Anything to get you to give me that secret smile again.”

“Secret smile?” you ask while trying to perform the action.

Mary actually blushes.

“Uh…yeah. You get this…” he makes a motion across his face, “…when you’re giving it back to me.” His fingers shove back through his hair as he casts his eyes down. “You don’t give it to anyone else.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve made a study of it.”

You’re a swirl of emotions. Mary’s apologized—has admitted he was wrong and has asked for…more—but you’re still hurt. And embarrassed.

But he’s looking up at you with wet, hopeful eyes.

“Do you…” you start carefully, “…do you know why I got so mad?”

That statement was clearly not what he was expecting, and he blinks at you a few times before nodding and looking down at the floor.

“I made a…uh, commitment…to you. And I treated it like it didn’t mean anything.”

He gives you a look like, Did I get it right? and that’s close enough—even if he’s missing some of the nuance.

You nod. “And I know I…wasn’t…the best.”

His face contorts, and your heart sinks.

“You…” he shakes his head. “You said some awful things…some hurtful shit—and it really got in my head.”

Mary gives you a complicated look.

“Shit that you’d been pissed about for a while.” He traces your knee. “Shit you could’ve said to me…but shit I should have noticed. Fuck.” He presses his forehead into your knees, and you can’t stop yourself from sinking your fingers into his hair.

He takes it as encouragement and presses into you before looking up again.

“I just kinda wanna put that whole night behind us. It feels like a fucking ouroboros of fault. And like maybe I created it. But let’s agree to like…not do that again.”

You look down at him, and his eyes search your face.

“Ok…but what does all this mean, Mare? I can’t…I need to be something to you, ok? More than just your friend.”

Mary nods emphatically, and he takes your hand and curls his into it.

“No more fuck-ups, and no one else…can we start there?”

He’s saying all the right words, but you’re still trepidatious—you know Mary, and he doesn’t like constraints.

“I…just…how can I believe you?”

He shakes his head like he can’t believe you even have to ask. He rises and awkwardly reaches out to touch your face before drawing his hand back.

“Cuz you’re important to me. I care about you, and I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”

And yeah. Ok.

[sylvanianfamiliez]

Ok you know what I am so curious. I've been wanting to get into doll customization lately so I was wondering where to start, just for future reference? Like where do you get bases from and clothes from etc...!

oh my god um good question. i presume u mean bjds and bjd-like dolls bcuz those are my bestfriends. for bjds however most of the time You Will Pay Premium Prices but if u wanna look my favourite places r newclover-singing and acbjd ^-^ they sell clothes from taobao but i usually go straight to taobao i have lists of good shops and stuff

BUT!!! i will give u some alternatives that are cheaper but unfortunately none of them r like SUPER cheap. FIRST OF ALL RESINSOUL THEY MAKE INCREDIBLE CHEAPER BJDS I LOVE RESINSOUL MY BELOVED MYEVERYTHING. they’re not to everybody’s taste but god i love resinsoul. the quality is insane for those little things and they rly care for their customers. also im an obitsu stan i love obitsu they make vinyl/plastic dolls, usually anime-type and they’re fun and cute and fresh. there’s also night lolita but god. okay. u get into some difficult territory here because there’s plenty of plastic hinge bjd-like dolls on aliexpress but. the majority of them are stolen. from actual bjds. its really hard to find smth that ISNT a recast which i will also talk about NOWWWW

so. if you go on aliexpress and search for bjds you will find many bjds for significantly cheaper prices that sounds more reasonable but. the problem there is that they are all stolen from actual bjds companies who hand sculpt their dolls from scratch. ball jointed dolls are pretty pricy but for good reason. for the people who make them to EAT they have to be. they take months to sculpt, finish, and then individually cast and sand (most of the time -_-). resin is expensive and also incredibly toxic and they have to take significant safety measures so they don’t like. die. and after all that work, nobody gets rich off bjds despite how expensive they are. they also need the space to let the dolls cure because resin takes a while to cure, so another expense is the space a doll takes to make. what recasters do is take a doll sold by a legit company and remould it and sell it as their own, and many legit companies have already gone out of business for this. the actual artists who made these dolls can no longer make their own dolls because somebody stole them to sell cheaper. and one reason they can sell them cheaper is because they don’t give a shit about their workers safety while working with very hazardous materials. not only the resin, but many recasters offer faceups too which uses toxic and deadly materials. so by buying recasts you are not only fucking over the people who lovingly sculpted the doll, you are also ACTIVELY KILLING THE PEOPLE WHO MADE YOURS. they will die. people have and they will continue to.

anyway sorry i get heated abt recasts i need people to understand how serious an issue it is when like. they see my dolls and don’t realise how expensive they are and decide to go for the cheaper option. so yeah good cheap companies r resinsoul and also df-a/df-h (there’s more but i don’t rember off the top of my head) also there’s sales pretty often and instalment payment systems with most dealers. that’s how i get all mine lol. or secondhand!!! check facebook groups, insta #bjdsale, or ebay for secondhand dolls!!! mico and kass r both secondhand ^-^

oh also um my favourite taobao stores r bears (<3) and another dimension