#losing progress

[porto-rosso]

if i see another person who’s never read into first past the post voting or the american electoral system in their life rhapsodize about how voting democratic is the single most evil thing you can do rn im going to lose my mind

[seraphimfall]

there is an insane amount of antisemitism floating around right now.

i just want to say:

this blog loves and supports jewish people.

this blog does NOT conflate the israeli government, or the atrocities it commits, with jewish people.

this blog is disgusted with those who use or express antisemitism.

this blog knows that if someone needs to invoke antisemitism, they do not actually care about helping palestine or the palestinian people.

this blog will do its best to ensure that it remains a safe space for all.

[fungalnebula]

What I love most about Gandalf big naturals is how much it eases my chest dysphoria. I can sleep without a shirt on now because of Gandalf Big Naturals. Knowing that the artist made the original image while recovering from top surgery and said the image was like a final parting gift from their boobs makes me feel even better about the image's effect on me. Men with big naturals makes me feel much more good about my body than those old posts on here that were like "trans men! Some men have pecs!!! So don't feel dysphoric <3". It's much more meaningful to see a hairy, bearded man with a huge H cup rack not letting his tits get in the way of his masculinity.

Most of all, Gandalf Big Naturals helped me love my body the way it is instead of hating something that's a part of me. Of course I still want top surgery but the fact that I can live with my own big naturals until then without wanting to guillotine them off is really important.

[nympio]

as the time rolls closer to the impactful day, i become more depressed, more anxious. it’s always able to sneak up on me, like after all this time it would think i would forget. after finishing my script, i find myself wondering if ana-marie chooses to live. even as the author, i don’t know myself, because if i were in her position, i would most certainly head to the afterlife, if there is any. i’d like to think that she chooses to live and maybe finds her peace one day. afterall, we are one in the same. that’s the thing about writing, authors have to tell on themselves sometimes. the dates are coming closer and i feel it in my psyche. it’s so interesting to me how numbers on a calendar can send a pang of fear through my chest, that a name can turn my mouth dry in seconds, that certain smells and tastes make me want to scream. i suppose that’s the purpose of it all, trauma, the big capital t. when you look at things, like the date for example, all that’s there is a clump of numbers mashed together with the current year. it’s strange, days can repeat themselves but only in the scale of numbers. because as much as my fear tells me that that date and event can happen again, the year is the one that reminds me that it can’t.

but the year also hurts me, because it reminds me of how long ago something was, and how present it still is in my life. it is a painful reminder of m inability to move on like other people do. it tells me, “hey, hey you! you’re still fucked up. anyone else would have dated more people, made more, friends, made more money, done something different. but you didn’t, and now it’s all those years later, and this date still shakes you. you probably need some help.” yeah, i know i do. but i’ve gotten the help, i’ve gotten the meds, i’ve gotten the yoga, the mindfulness, the meditation, the fucking this and fucking that. i’ve gotten it all. i still feel this. i still am covered in it. then i feel like her, like i’m at the end of my own screenplay. do i walk to return to the world where i came from? or do i leap into the pond of after life and enjoy myself there? ending all my therapies is probably a wrong choice, it’s probably very foolish of me to do that, as they have been in the leading force to not end my life. but i find myself impossibly more closed off, and untrusting, even though i have worked with these two therapists for over a year. i

i just look at them, and i can’t speak. it’s like my throat closes up, like i’m allergic to speaking. my brain is screaming at me to not trust them so loud, and eventually, i’ve stopped. i can’t remember the last time i was honest, when i really spoke the truth. instead i make them laugh, or entertain them with funny stories that seem relevant, but really just enforce the whole process for them. and by the end of the session, much to my despair, they finally lock in and find what i am hiding. but lucky for me they won’t remember it next week, and therapy is simply just a paid service. the world keeps on turning, and i am nothing but a case file in a google spreadsheet. i have to remind myself of that. or else, i get lost, thinking they might actually care for me.

if i am quiet enough, i can hear her footsteps on the soft grass. but i never know which way she is going.

fine ~ thursday june 1st, 2023 9:52 pm

[mirrorhouse]

BALDUR'S GATE 3 🐾 Kira the Cat

[loosescrewslefty]

[hyakunana]

When you need to lie, but you're a good boy.

[pinkblemishesblog]

she described how I feel better than I ever could.

[lazy-b1rdy]

Stan n' Nar

oh wow i finally finished it!!!11!!!1

first version's under the cut

[mobius-m-mobius]

It's a pretty cool name.

Loki + the progression of saying Mobius' name for @percheduphere

[duality-disability]

happy disability pride month to those with degenerative/progressive disabilites:

-Those who know what their disability is and why its getting worse

-Those whos disability hasnt been diagnosed yet but the symptoms and degenerative nature of their illness is still taking effect

-and those who have to watch their bodies steadily decline while their healthcare professionals refuse to treat them (for no fault of their own)

-to the ones who are told they are too young to have their body declining

-'too young' to be using their mobility aids, or seeing certain specialists, or who notice they're the youngest patients in certain clinics by years if not decades

You deserve to be seen, and heard, and supported; You deserve kindness and respect and to be taken seriously about your medical concerns and the nature of your disability/ies

having a degenerative disease can be really fucking scary, I wish that tomorrow is kinder than today was.

[seraphimfall]

i’ve read so much tradcath bullshit the last two years. i can confidently say tradcath men fit into one of two categories:

“protestant-raised and converted to catholicism because of his crippling porn addiction and racist tendencies. reposts crusader and conquistador memes. is hated in his local parish.” tradcath

“catholic-raised band kid who ate his lunches with the religion teacher. smells like mildew. cut off all his friends that came out as gay after high school. now larps as an aquinian scholar and cries after jerking off.” tradcath

[itsalrightmeow]

Haunted by the past...

[cannibalovers]

Why is this mans big ass forehead so difficult to draw oh my god

[isa-ah]

@candyskiez plural mob content 🤲. shigeo being So Intense bc it’s funny

[dollgirl17]

I want to keep losing weight but if I do I’m going to have to shop in the kids section😭