#love story in letters

[saralayne]

ABC’s Stellaride Style 🩵🩷

Chapter 1 ~ Appreciate

7x22. After the epic cabin scene. Kelly getting real with Stella.

I Appreciate You”

After many hours of passionate love making. Basking in the glow of the fire burning in the living room fireplace. The cabin, away from everything and everyone. Kelly was no longer feeling lost and alone. He had the love of his life back in his arms. A moment he never thought he would have again. A second chance. He wasn’t convinced that he was deserving but he wasn’t questioning it. Everything he had lost a few months ago had come back to him. Kelly always felt he had luck on his side at times, too many close calls throughout the years, but this made him think that he was the luckiest guy in the world. The way he pushed Stella away after Benny had passed away. The feeling of regret l, guilt, anger and sadness took over. Kelly dealt with the darkness the only way he knew how. Putting those damn walls up and pushing everyone away. A living wrecking ball. Even pushing away the the one person he loved more than life itself.

Of course Stella kept fighting for their relationship. She knew it was his grief taking over. She also knew how he dealt with the hard stuff. As much as she loved him there was only so much pushing away Stella could handle. That came a few months back and she did something she never, ever wanted to do nor did she think she would ever have to do. Kelly was it for her BUT their relationship was crumbling and feeling toxic. So she ended things. Here they were back together. Kelly wasn’t holding back. He was going to make sure to communicate with Stella. No more pushing her away. Even if it was uncomfortable for him. He was going to be the man she deserved. He was never taking a chance of losing the best damn thing that has ever happened to him.

“WHAT?” Stella murmured

“I appreciate you”

“Well thank you babe. I have to agree. Tonight was pretty perfect and incredible”

“Yes it was. And don’t get me wrong. I do appreciate every second of the last few hours but I appreciate you. Every part of you”

“Kelly Severide. Who are you?” Stella smirked

“I know. I know. I meant what I said. I’m going to be the man you deserve. Not the man I have been. You deserve so much more”

Stella had tears forming in the corner of her bright brown eyes.

“Kelly. Thank you for that. I hope you know that I never stopped loving you. EVER”

“Me neither baby. In the end you did the right thing. I was a mess. Digging myself down a dark hole. I took you for granted and I don’t know if I will ever fully forgive myself for that. But I’m just so grateful I’ve been given a second chance with you. I’m always going to appreciate you. Appreciate us. Forever”

“Kelly, I love you so much. WE are being given a second chance. There are things I wish I would have done differently as well. Getting here, right now, was worth everything”

“Stel. I’m never letting you go ever again”

“Ditto. Babe. Ditto”

Chapter 2 ~ Butterflies

8x04. How Stella is feeling after Kelly’s magic words following the hazmat fire.

An old man in bed with our kids, grandkids and you surrounding me”

Those magical words escaped from Kelly’s mouth with no hesitation and shocked Stella to the core. He really saw a forever future with her. Stella knew how she felt about her boyfriend but seeing as they had just gotten back together she wasn’t sure what he saw for their future. Kelly was never someone who found it easy to communicate his feelings but these particular words came off the tip of his tongue without even thinking. Stella had been feeling a little freaked out by what they had endured in this fire. It had become a serious hazmat situation and was incredibly dangerous. Kelly always had a gift of being able to calm her nerves when she needed it. She just hadn’t anticipated he would ever express himself in such a deep manner.

As Kelly was called away by Casey to talk with Voight and Boden. Stella had a feeling of butterflies swarming through her stomach. Gosh, she loved this man so much. As everything came to a close and shift had ended from this horrendous day, a small wave of fear came over Stella. Had he said those words in the heat of the moment? Because of the situation they were experiencing. She hopes with everything that she was just getting in her head. He had surely meant what he had said but she needed to know for sure. She never wanted this butterfly feeling to go away. It made her so happy thinking of a future with Kelly. Marriage and having babies. Having the perfect life with the man she was so deeply in love.

As Kelly and Stella settled in for the night at the loft. Stella had to rip the hand aid off.

“Kelly, Can we talk about something?”

“Of course, babe”

“Did you truly mean what you said earlier today at the call? I mean, I know you were trying to make me feel better and calm me from the events of the day”

“STELLA. Of course I meant it. Every word of it. I have felt this way for some time now. Saying what I said didn’t come out of left field. It felt like the perfect time and situation. There is no rush for us taking those big steps but hear me when I say, I want that life with you. It’s always been you. So when I’m an old man, YES. I’m more than certain it will be you, our kids and grandkids surrounding me”

“GOOD. Because I have to say after you walked away. All I felt was butterflies. Absolute love and admiration for you. I never want those feelings to go away. I have also dreamt of that life with you for a long time now. It doesn’t scare me. It just feels so right. There is no rush. Just knowing that’s how you truly feel as well. It means…EVERYTHING”

“Baby. I am always going to feel that way. FOREVER. I never thought given my past I would want or even deserve that life. You changed all of that for me when you walked into 51. It may of taken some ups and downs to get here but the future for us is going to be full of milestones and big steps. I CAN’T WAIT FOR ALL OF IT. I love you, Stella Kidd”

“I love you, Kelly Severide. You are a dream to me. A dream I never want to wake up from”

Stella knew she would spend the rest of her life having that ‘Butterfly’ feeling with the love of her life.

Chapter 3 ~ Comfort

10x17. Kelly being the man Stella deserves as she navigates painful memories that resurface after helping Adriana.

Stella had long since moved on from her past. Her life was wonderful now. She was now a lieutenant. Had her family at 51 and most importantly has an amazing relationship with her now fiancé Kelly. Stella was thriving. Set to marry the love of her life, squad lieutenant Kelly Severide. If any of the 51 family was asked, one word comes to mind…FINALLY. Stella and Kelly had been through so much together. Their journey came with ups and downs but one thing remained firm. They were so in love with each other. Both Kelly and Stella had pulled one another out of their own past darkness. Stella never even thought about her ex husband Grant anymore. That time in her life was over. How toxic their relationship was filled with addiction and abuse. Now, Stella had a forever, healthy relationship and most importantly felt Kelly was her safe place. He would always protect and love her unconditionally.

After helping Adriana. Seeing the bruising around her neck at the hands of an abusive man. The manipulation. Feeling of isolation. All of it came back into Stella’s memories. In many ways, it felt to Stella like she was looking in a mirror seeing what Adriana was going through. All of a sudden, a feeling of fear paralyzed Stella. What if Grant ever came back? He had already come back a few years ago when he attacked her. If it hadn’t been for Kelly protecting her, she probably wouldn’t be here. She never wanted to see Grant ever again. He could easily find her. Past pain and trauma has a way of coming back as a reminder at times. This is what Stella was experiencing after helping keep Adriana safe. Relieved the man who was harming her was behind bars and Adriana wouldn’t have to worry anymore. She could heal and move forward with her life.

As Kelly and Stella were relaxing at home that night. Stella explained what had happened with Adriana. Kelly could see Stella was struggling. Those chocolate brown eyes that were usually full of light and brightness seemed dim, fearful even. Kelly knew full well the situation with Adriana must have brought up the most painful memories for his fiancée. Kelly had only found out earlier in the day, as they investigate the car accident Adriana was involved in, the severity of the physical abuse Stella endured at the hands of Grant. Stella never talked about the specifics and Kelly respected her not to dig deep into everything she went through. He knew what she had told him. After Grant re-emerged a few years back. Kelly saw first hand that he was a dangerous man especially in the peak of his addiction. So, he knew Stella was abused verbally and emotionally but now he knew he had physically harmed her as well. Stella had told him. He knew it was probably extremely difficult for her to take herself back to the part of her life and let those words out. He saw the emotion as she admitted in one instance how Grant had choked her leaving bruises around her neck. This not only broke Kelly’s heart but brought out anger. The thought of anyone laying one finger on the love of his life made him see red.

As they sat together. Stella eventually curled herself into Kelly’s chest. She needed that feeling of comfort.

“Stella. Talk to me”

“I-I today was a lot. I never think about my past anymore. On my home from the police station I felt relieved but also felt a little scared”

“Scared. Why do you feel scared?”

“Just the thought of Grant ever coming back. He knows how to find me. The thought of him trying to hurt me again, or hurting us”

“Stella. Stop right there. Hear what I am saying. Grant will NEVER EVER get anywhere near you again. He will never be able to lay one finger on you. That’s over and that is a promise. I will move heaven and earth to make sure you are always safe. You may have been alone in the past but not anymore. You now have me. We are going to be husband and wife. My priority is for you to always feel and safe and loved. I love you so much, Stella Kidd. Never forget that I will always be your safe space. OK?”

“OK. I love you so much Kelly. I can’t wait to marry you”

“Me too baby. If you ever feel sadness or fear, I’m always going to be here to hold you. Comfort you. ALWAYS AND FOREVER”

Stella wasn’t scared anymore. She knew she would always be safe as long as she had Kelly, her soon to be husband.

Chapter 4 ~ Dream

10x21. After Kelly’s food truck investigation took a dangerous turn. Kelly and Stella deciding to get married right away. Kelly expressed all she wanted was for Stella to become his wife. No more waiting.

The food truck investigation had taken a turn and found himself outnumbered. He now sat in the hospital, sore from the action that had ensued. Stella was on her way back to 51 with her team when Boden came on the radio to tell her there had been an incident. Panic-stricken she raced to the hospital hopeful her fiancée was OK. Things had been tense between her and Kelly recently. Wedding planning woes. Stella may been getting a little carried away with details. There was a deeper issue though. The fear for both of them taking the big step and manifesting what was really going on. Kelly saw it. He realized they needed to stop questioning things. No more planning. Kelly just didn’t care anymore where they got married or any other details. All he wanted was to marry Stella. As Kelly had bandages over his body from the beating he had endured, everything was put in perspective. Kelly was right. They didn’t need a perfectly planned wedding. They just needed to become husband and wife. No more feeling scared. “Let’s just do it”

The next day Stella was revamping wedding plans as they were preparing to get married in a few days. Everyone at 51 was on board to help with all preparations. Kelly had been dealing with this food truck investigation as it was a big drug operation. He was helping the police bring Campbell down. Again, there was a dangerous altercation at the courthouse which ended with him throwing a man through a plate glass window in self defence. Stella was worried. These dangerous men were still on the streets. She just wasn’t sure it them getting married right now was a good decision. After Kelly returned from this harrowing situation, she made her way way to his quarters.

“Kelly. Babe. Are you sure getting married now is a good idea? These men are still out there. You have now been attacked twice. You had to protect yourself and I am eternally grateful you did. This has been a lot for you to handle. Plus, adding on getting married. I’m worried about you”

“Stella. Stop. We are getting married. I have police protection. They are going after Campbell now. We are not waiting. Look, I have one dream and that dream is for you to be my wife. Me to be your husband. I have wanted to marry you for such a long time. Literally years. I’m not letting anyone or anything ruin this dream. Our dream. So please don’t worry. Let’s continue to plan. And in a few days our dream will finally come true when I see you walk down that aisle, looking so beautiful. This wedding is happening”

“Smooth. Kelly Severide. Smooth. OK. Let’s make our dream come true”

In a few days Kelly and Stella were going to become husband and wife. It was going to be perfect. Their dream was finally going to be a reality.

Chapter 5 ~ Elated

9x14. After Stella receives her lieutenant exam results. Kelly conveying his feelings.

Stella had taken the lieutenants exam a few days ago and she still hadn’t gotten her results. She was a ball of nerves. Kelly reassured her every step of the way. Casey lent his support as well. It was distracting. All she could do was keep busy and try to not let it consume her. Easier said than done. Kelly was just as nervous but he knew there was nothing to worry about. After all, she’s Stella Kidd. She had killed that exam. But confirmation would make it official. Kelly was holding off on telling her what had really been in his mind because he wanted her to only concentrate on preparing for her exam. Kelly wanted to ask Stella to marry him. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind she was his forever. Stella had once said she never wanted to get married again after her marriage to Grant. She never wanted to be put in a position where she couldn’t leave. Kelly was nervous about asking her. But at the end of the day he knew they were different. She had said that a long time ago and so much had changed for her. Kelly knew he wanted to marry her.

Later at Molly’s. Stella was still very nervous. Still no results. Making sure Kelly knew she made need a distraction later. He was more than happy to offer that distraction for her. As she was clearing tables. Boden walked in and had her exam results. All of the eyes in Molly’s were on Boden and Stella. They were a family and everyone wanted this so much for Stella. Boden delivered the wonderful news. She had passed. She was now a lieutenant. Kelly felt pure elation for his girlfriend (and hopefully soon fiancée) Stella jumped into his arms. “I knew you could do it” As Stella received hugs from everyone at 51. Kelly became emotional. He was so proud of Stella. So proud. There were so many reasons he loved her more than life itself. Celebrations continued throughout the night. Eventually, much later. Stella and Kelly returned home. They obviously had their own private celebration filled with pride and passion. As they laid snuggled against each other in bed. Sweaty and happy.

“Stella. I am so proud of you. You did it baby”

“Kelly I couldn’t have done it without you. Always encouraging me. Studying with me. Keeping me calm. Thank you. I really am the luckiest girl in the world”

“We’re a team. When Boden said lieutenant. I felt pure elation and joy. I had no doubt you had killed the exam. Just having the confirmation. There is no one that deserves this more than you. You’re amazing. I’m so excited for you and what you’re going to accomplish. The leader you will become”

As Kelly and Stella fell asleep. There was no doubt that they had many good things on the horizon.

Chapter 6 ~ Faithful

6x23. After the trial with Renee. Kelly came home to his girlfriend, telling her what really happened. Reassuring Stella.

Kelly felt proud after the trial had ended. He was able to help fellow firefighters get the justice they deserved. It had been awkward at first when Renee showed up at the firehouse to ask for his assistance. Even going as far to use her son as bait to reconnect with Kelly. He personally didn’t see her motives as he only thought about one woman. He only loved one woman and that was Stella. As far as he was concerned, Renee was far in his past. Sure, he had loved her at one time. Was even blinded by her lies. It wasn’t for Shay, it could have ended very badly. Renee had sunk to a new low. Lying to Kelly after she became pregnant, convincing him the baby was his. Luckily, Shay saw right through her lies. After that revelation, their relationship imploded immediately. Kelly lost all trust in relationships. He kept anything with any woman casual. Never risking having his heart broken again. That was until Stella Kidd walked through the 51 doors. Slowly, she pulled him out of the darkness. Opened his heart again. Broke down those protective walls. Now she was his girlfriend. He trusted her with his whole heart. So, he agreed to help in this case. For the greater good, to help his fellow men. Renee had really thought she had an in to recapture Kelly’s heart again especially with her son being a factor. Reneee knew he was dating Stella but she wasn’t quite prepared for how much he truly loved Stella.

Stella, unlike her boyfriend, had serious reservations about Renee. This wasn’t a feeling of jealousy. This was purely het not trusting Renee’s motives. She had been told by Gabby what had happened with Renee. That made her even more skeptical. Stella trusted Kelly 100%, but she surely didn’t trust Renee. Her suspicion even led her to warn Renee to not mess with Kelly.

After their success with the trial both Kelly and Renee were more than happy with the verdict. Kelly was left shocked when Renee planted a kiss on him. ‘What the hell was she thinking?’

“Renee. What the hell are you doing?” He said while aggressively pushing her off his chest

“I’m sorry Kelly. We were having a moment. I wanted to take a chance. I still love you. I know I screwed up. I have loved seeing you again”

“Renee. STOP. We are in the past. I am in love with Stella. She is the love of my life. You ruined us with your lies. But it was for the best because it brought Stella into my life and I have never looked back. She is my future l. I’m glad I was able to help you with this case. This will be the last conversation we have. Now if you excuse me. I’m going to be with Stella”

Kelly immediately went over to Stella’s. She wasn’t there so he was going to wait. He didn’t want there to be any secrets. He was going to tell her what Renee had done. Stella arrived home asking Kelly why he never picked her up as she was waiting for him”

“I was waiting for you, I came straight here” he explained.

Stella walked over to him, sitting in his lap. Pressing her head against his chest.

“I just missed you”

“All I think about is you”

She grabbed his chin and pulled his lips towards hers for a kiss. He lingered for a moment before pulling back.

“Stella I need to tell you something. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us”

“OK”

“After we won the trial. Renee kissed me”

“Well that doesn’t surprise me. I sensed she still wanted you. I even warned her not to mess with you. I trust you, Kelly. I just don’t trust her. Did yo-you kiss her back?”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT. I immediately pushed her away and told her the only woman I love is you. I told her you are my future. ONLY YOU, Stella. I need you to know how much I love you. I will always be faithful to you. I would never ruin us by cheating, hurting you like that. EVER. You are the love of my life, Stella Kidd”

“You are mine babe. I trust you completely. Thank you for telling me the truth. You are a good man, Kelly Severide.

Chapter 7 ~ Grateful

9x06. Kelly expressed his gratitude after ghosting Stella to protect her reputation before she is to take the lieutenants exam.

When Kylie asked to talk to Kelly, he wasn’t prepared for the words that escaped her mouth. Stella wasn’t going to take the lieutenants exam. He really had screwed up. He was trying to protect her but was quickly realizing he was risking losing her altogether. Not only that, he had her questioning her confidence. Kelly felt his stomach drop as he was consumed with guilt. That asshole white shirt had completely gotten into Kelly’s head and now he was ruining everything. Not only derailing her career but he was also putting their relationship in jeopardy. He cannot lose Stella. She is the love of his life. His forever. The only woman he would love for the rest of his life. ‘What had be done?’ ‘How had he let it get this far?’ Feeling of panic overtook Kelly’s thoughts.

After shift Kelly raced over to Sylvie’s apartment. That is where Stella had been staying given that Kelly was not communicating with her. She had had enough after trying to talk to him on a couple of occasions. Stella felt history was repeating itself and she needed space away from him to think about things. Stella was so confused on why he was treating her this way. Not knowing what had happened at HQ. Kelly wasn’t talking. Stella still hadn’t decided what she was going to do about the exam. She didn’t want to throw this opportunity away. Boden tells her to really think about prolonging taking the exam. Still, she felt so distracted. She was losing focus. Her thoughts were consumed by what was going on with her love. Her boyfriend. Her heart was slowly breaking the longer this went on. Stella was angry but also sad. She was so in love with Kelly Severide. Not wanting to lose him. As Stella was trying to concentrate and study, she heard a knock at the door. She looked through the peephole and saw Kelly.

After a very intense conversation. Kelly finally told her why he had been acting distant. Stella reminds him she can handle whatever is thrown at her from the white shirts. What she can’t handle is Kelly not communicating with her. Shutting her out. Putting up walls. They were past this. Long past this behaviour. Finally, both Kelly and Stella tell one another they weren’t letting each other get away. Stella gathered her belongings she had with her and they headed back to the loft in separate cars.

Later, at home. Kelly had turned on the TV and they were relaxing in each others arms. Both Kelly and Stella feeling a sense of relief. They had quickly returned to normalcy.

“Stella, I’m so sorry for letting the white shirts get in my head. I honestly was only trying to protect you but I realize how wrong I was. I should have talked to you about everything. I should’ve never let it get this far. Baby, I know I hurt you. I meant what I said “I’m never letting you get away from me again”

“It’s OK, Kelly. I know babe. I need you through this. You have always been my biggest supporter. I not only need but also want you by my side as I go for this. Please, just always talk to me”

“I will Stel. I promise. I am so grateful that you have faith i me, in us. I’m going to be with you every step of the way. Just know I have absolutely no doubt that you are going to kick ass with the lieutenants exam and become an amazing leader. You don’t need me but I’m so grateful to walk alongside you and support you”

“You’re a good man, Kelly Severide”

“I’m that man because of you, Stella Kidd”

Chapter 8 ~ Heroic

11x01. Kelly saving Stella after their honeymoon at the cabin almost turns deadly.

Kelly and Stella had taken the plunge. After the tense moments leading up to the wedding, they were husband and wife. The last minute wedding on the boat was perfect. It was everything both of them had wanted. They had decided to go straight to the cabin for a few days and live in newlywed bliss. They didn’t need a destination honeymoon. All they needed was each other. The cabin held very special memories in their relationship. So, it was a no-brainer to have their honeymoon together there.

Their honeymoon started out blissful. Full of love and passion. It sure was turning out to be a perfect wedding night. Until it wasn’t…

As Kelly and Stella lay sweaty on the floor, making love as newly married couple, it all nearly turning deadly. They suddenly heard the front door of the cabin being shot at. Kelly quickly told Stella to get dressed and crawl out the back window. Kelly followed his wife. While running through the dark woods and being chased, Kelly desperately directed Stella to run and keep running. Stella did not want to leave her husband. As Stella tripped, she soon found herself vulnerable with a gun pointed at her head. Was this it? This is how it would end for them on their wedding night. Until, her knight in shining armor, her husband was able to save her. Kelly was confused when a Pryma arrived at that moment. It didn’t matter. He had Stella in his arms. Desperately wrapping her in his arms. Tears came flowing down Kelly’s cheeks, knowing how close he was to losing her. His whole world was almost taken from him.

After dealing with Pryma and giving statements, Kelly took Stella back home. Both shook to their core. As they were back at the loft, showering, they were both exhausted. The emotions had gone from an ultimate high to low in mere minutes. They laid in bed, trying to turn off their thoughts.

“Stel. I’m so incredibly sorry. This is all my fault. Because I couldn’t let this go. You could have been taken from me. On our damn wedding night. I’m your husband. I’m supposed to be your safe place and protect you. We haven’t even been married a day and I’m already failing you”

“Kelly. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. You wanna know what I think? You pursued this to get drugs and bad men off the streets because that is the man you are. Always protecting people. As for me. Don’t you get it. You did everything you possibly could to save me. Not caring about saving yourself. This is the husband you are. You are MY HERO. You could have never envisioned this ever happening. We are here. Together. Husband and Wife. We waited so long for this moment. We will deal with the aftermath of this but tonight I just want to enjoy finally being your wife”

The Severide’s fell asleep, exhausted from the events of the day. No matter what had happened, they had fallen into dreamland as husband and wife. At that moment that was all that mattered.

Chapter 9 ~ Irresistible

6x15. Kelly is no longer able to resist Stella. His walls finally are coming crumbling down.

Kelly hadn’t felt that kind of panic in a long time. That feeling of pure fear. Stella and Otis had been trapped upstairs with ammunition flying. Kelly was desperate to get to her. Boden was ordering him to stay put. Cruz was also desperately trying to go in as his best friend was also trapped. Kelly liked Otis of course but in that moment he was only thinking of the woman he was in love with (whether he was willing to admit it yet or not) all logical thinking had gone out the window. He was getting to her, even if that meant going against direct orders. He knew he would definitely face consequences. He just didn’t care in that moment. He needed to save her. To remove her from imminent danger m. Kelly barreling into the house. Seeing Stella’s radio had gotten hit but so relieved she hadn’t been it. At that point concentrating on getting Otis to safety as he hadn’t been so lucky and had debris lodged into his neck.

At the hospital. Kelly had to face consequences from Boden, who was seeing red at Kelly’s reckless behaviour. Everyone knew including Boden that Kelly cared about Stella immensely. Knowing he had feelings for her as more than a friend even if he wasn’t willing to admit it. Regardless, his actions could have ended badly.

“I can’t go through this again”

He had lost his best friend Shay. He had lost his girlfriend Anna. No matter what their relationship status was. Kelly knew he wouldn’t survive losing Stella. After Boden tore him a new one, Kelly realized he could not think objectively when it came to Stella m. Fear took over. He felt he had to distance himself because when things got really real or hard, that was the Kelly Severide way. So, of course he avoided Stella. Only having short conversations if he had to. Kelly knew he couldn’t keep going on this way after Casey called him out. Knowing how much he loved Stella. The problem was he was never going to be able to think clearly when she was in danger. Those words haunted Kelly. “That feeling, that connection won’t go away just because you don’t want it to be there”

Molly’s was closed. Stella was there completing inventory. Kelly walked in, not entirely sure how he was going to approach telling Stella how he was feeling. As soon as he walked up to Stella the only thought that came to him was how irresistible Stella was to him. Without saying a word she was breaking his brain. He invited her to lunch, still not knowing what he was going to say and then…

“For once just tell me what your feeling”

Kelly was left speechless. His lips crashing into hers. Passion and lust taking over. It didn’t matter that they were in the middle of Molly’s. Neither one of them could stop what had been plaguing them for months, hell even years when they were hooking up casually.

As they both got redressed.

“Well that was unexpected. Considering you have barely talked to me in the past few days”

“Stella, I’m so sorry. During the call. All rational questions thinking escaped me. After getting chewed out by Boden, which I rightfully deserved, I realized when it came to you. I have absolutely no objectivity. The scary thing is I wouldn’t do anything differently. That terrifies me. Denying how I have been feeling just isn’t working anymore. Stella, you are ruining me in the best way. I could keep rambling on how I’m feeling but it come down to one thing. I want to. I need to be with you. You have snuck into my heart for so long now and this feeling is never gonna go away. As much as I love our friendship, it has now gone way beyond that for me now”

“FINALLY. I have felt the same way for so long too, Kelly. I was just scared you didn’t feel the same way”

“I know communicating is hard for me. Stel, hear me when I say. You are it for me. My beautiful girl”

“So we are going to take this jump? Because I am all in”

“All in Stella Kidd. All in”

Chapter 10 ~ Jealous

6x10-6x13. Kelly faces some realizations before convincing Stella to accompany him to the CFD gala.

Jealous. A feeling that Kelly was not accustomed to. In his past relationships, honestly, he didn’t have to put in much effort. Stella Kidd was breaking him. This girl had absolutely ruined him. The denial worked for a while. It was comfortable and safe being her friend. Her roommate. Allowing him to keep things strictly platonic. Then she started dating hazmat Zac. He is a great guy. Good looking and really seemed to like Stella. As her friend, he knew he should be happy for her. She was in a good relationship, and seemed content. He couldn’t though. On the nights Stella would go out on dates with Zac. Kelly would find himself stewing. Trying to distract himself by watching a hawks game. All he could think about was her. Stella. When she would arrive home. A sense of relief would overpower him. She was home…alone. This was becoming torture for him. How much longer could he go on like this? If anything, the longer this went on they were only going to become more serious.

The CFD gala was tonight. Kelly as an officer was invited. This was a chance to get out and have a good distraction from what he had been feeling. Jealous everytime Stella would leave with her boyfriend. That would make Kelly’s stomach turn. She wasn’t supposed to call another man her boyfriend. That was supposed to be him. The fear of losing what they had. Their friendship. Their living situation. The professional complication. Out of fear, Kelly kept their relationship to a friendship and now all he felt was regret. There was a chance he could lose any opportunity. Would he be able to live with that? He was sure the answer to that was a big NO. As he walked out of his bedroom. Dressed in a green suit. Looking up and seeing Stella in a sleek, fitted black dress. She looked breathtaking. So beautiful. Before he could stop himself, he had convinced her to accompany him to the gala and cancelling her plans with Zac. He didn’t feel bad. He felt happy walking into the gala with Stella. Sure, they were just friends. Hopefully in the future she would accompany him to many more galas.

A few days later after shift Kelly was surprised to see Stella in her comfy, staying at home clothes. Sweats, tank top. Her beautifully curly hair in a messy bun. Still, to Kelly she looked gorgeous.

“No date night tonight?”

“Nope..Just taking a night for myself”

“You OK?”

“Yeah, I’m fine”

“Stella, come on. Talk to me”

“Zac and I broke up. Actually he broke up with me”

“What. Why? Kelly tried to hide the happiness that surely was written all over his face.

“You really wanna know?”

“Of course I do”

“He broke up with me because of you”

“ME?”

“Yeah he is convinced something more is going on with us besides friendship. Crazy, right?”

“Anyway, I’m going to have a hot bath”

Kelly was left in his thoughts. Zac isn’t wrong and it’s about time he told Stella exactly that.

Chapter 11 ~ Kiss

6x06. Kelly’s feelings after respectfully pushing Stella away.

Kelly did not sleep well. Tossing and turning. Restless. Having done something he never thought he would do. Rejecting Stella. Not because he ever wanted to. Truthfully, the last thing he ever wanted to do was reject her. That night when he brought Stella home from Molly’s where she had way too much to drink. Stella had been riddled with stress as she unexpectedly had been transferred to the public relations department. So, when she planted a kiss on him. Kelly pushed her away not wanting to take advantage of her vulnerability. Knowing he did the right thing still plagued him. Wanting nothing more than to share a kiss with her. Truth is he was developing big feelings for Stella. He wanted to do this right. Fear took over. Would Stella understand why he pushed her away?

The next morning came way too soon. Stella, still laying on the couch. She was feeling rough. Feeling the effects of the previous night accompanied by a monstrous headache. Stella seemed like she wasn’t holding anything against him. They went through the morning with their normal, witty banter routine. However, Kelly still knew he wouldn’t feel relief until they had a conversation. Even if Stella didn’t remember, it was going to be this thing between them.

Later on after Stella had a long, refreshing shower and settled in on the couch. Turning on a movie.

“Stel. Can I talk to you?”

“Of course”

“So I don’t know if you remember much of last night..But..”

“Oh, I remember”

“You do?”

“Yes Kelly, I do. It would be more than ok if we never talked about it again”

“That’s the thing. I need to talk about it. I don’t want you to have the wrong idea of why…”

“Kelly. I am going to stop you right there. You absolutely did the right thing last night. It was embarrassing. Humiliating even. As I have thought about it…you know, sober. I’m really feeling grateful to you for showing me respect and not wanting to take advantage of me not being myself”

“That is basically what I wanted to talk to you about. I swear, sometimes we have the same mind. Stella, this may be me overstepping but I need you to know if last night had of been under different circumstances. I definitely would of kissed you back”

As Kelly walked away. Stella reeling in her thoughts. What had Kelly meant by that? Did he in fact have feelings for her? Suddenly, her headache came roaring back with her mind racing. Only time would tell as she thought about their possible future.

Chapter 12 ~ Longing

7x11. Kelly feeling heartbroken after his breakup with Stella.

Those words absolutely shattered Kelly. He had lost the love of his life. When Benny unexpectedly passed away. Kelly found himself struggling with many emotions. Grief, anger, guilt and regret. Finding himself digging into a dark hole. Deeper each day that passed. Putting up Fort Knox walls. Avoidance at all costs. Distracting himself into projects but while doing that, pushing everyone away, including his girlfriend Stella. Stella did everything she could to be there for him. Never wanting to stop fighting for their relationship. As days went by, things only got worse. Kelly pushed himself and others deeper down. Stella started to feel their relationship was turning toxic. It was bringing her back to her past relationship. In very different ways of course. There was no abuse. But it was crumbling and she couldn’t just stand by and watch the chips fall. Not with Kelly. She loved him too much to watch it implode.

After the call Stella assisted Kelly under the bus. They had a job to do, they were both professionals. No matter what was happening in their personal lives. Stella did not even hesitate to assist Kelly. He thanked her. “Anytime” Her short response spoke volumes. As he watched her walk away, it broke him knowing how he had pushed her to the brink. He had lost her. A woman that he would never stop loving. He knew he was grieving in many ways. Having a whole new wave of regret which didn’t have anything to do with any grief. He had lost the best thing that ever happened to him. He had taken her for granted. Looking back now, remembering all the times she tried to be there for him, consoling m, supporting and all she needed was something, anything in return from where he was unable to give anything back to her. All she received was walls and more walls.

“This is harder than I thought it would be”

Those were his last words to her as he watched her walk away while in the bunk room. Kelly spent the day orbiting Stella. Watching her train Tuesday. Seeing her light up while offering the pup treats in return for tricks. His sunshine. His light. Who now wasn’t even his anymore. Casey had been seeing Kelly mesmerized by Stella everywhere she was throughout the firehouse. Casey holding up the bat signal. Dragging his best friend out on the roof for a cigar chat. Casey saw just how regretful he was feeling. No doubt he was still head over heels in love with Stella and probably always would be.

As they sat down on the roof looking over Chicago. It was a breathtaking view. Kelly lost in his thoughts.

“So Severide. How are you doing? How are you REALLY doing?”

“Fine” grumbled Kelly

“You are so far from fine”

“What do you want me to say Case? That in the midst of the storm rolling around in my head that I lost the love of my life. The one person who made me a different man doesn’t love me anymore. That I feel like a shell of a man I once was”

“Whoa. Severide. Stop right there. Stella definitely still loves you. I have absolutely no doubt about that. She didn’t break up with you because she doesn’t love you. You know that Sev. This is not the end of you and Stella. Just a little break. You and Stella Kidd are meant to be for eternity. You will have your girl back. That is one thing I am sure of”

“I don’t know Case. I pushed her away. Pushed her to the brink. Why do I always do this? Ruin anything good in my life and she is the BEST thing in my life”

“Take some time. Get your head on straight. Heal from what you’re feeling and what you have been going through. I promise Stella will still be there. She loves you so much Sev. Just keep the faith”

“Yeah. You’re right. I’m not going to give up. She is my forever and she deserves more than the man I am right now. I know I can be that man for her. She’s worth it. We are worth it”

As they finished their cigars. Kelly felt a feeling of hope. Eventually he would have Stella back in his arms. Maybe this break was what they both needed to find their way back to each other.

Chapter 13 ~ Monogamy

8x10. Kelly finally acknowledging Seager’s flirting. Putting himself in Stella’s shoes if the roles were reversed.

Kelly hadn’t been oblivious to Seagers advances as they worked on more OFI cases. He was fully aware of her flirting. It’s not that he enjoyed the attention from another woman. He just didn’t see a need to open a can of worms for nothing. Seager could flirt with him all day long. It wouldn’t change anything. The fact is that he is madly in love with one woman and one woman only. Stella is his forever. She had long changed his bachelor ways. He was a committed, one woman man. He doesn’t even notice other women. Any advances towards him are just ignored. The only woman he sees is the woman he wakes up to everyday. Stella Kidd.

There was a time back in his bachelor days where monogamy seemed foreign to him. Casual dating was Kelly’s MO. He even told Stella at one time that he doesn’t do monogamy. Now, that is when they were casually intimate with each other. Kelly really liked her even back then but of course he was determined to keep any romantic inklings at bay. Scared of opening himself up to someone who he knew had the potential of breaking him (in the best possible way)

They were now in a serious relationship. Been through a lot of ups and down to get to this point. Already gone through a breakup but were as solid as ever now. Kelly’s talents with OFI investigating had been greatly noticed. He loved working on cases. A side passion he has always had following in Benny’s footsteps in that regard. Still, he loved being squad lieutenant but he also loved going on OFI cases from time to time as he had a natural talent solving arson cases.

After working on a few cases with Wendy Seager at this point. They made a good team professionally. There had been a few times that Seagers subtle advances has been quite obvious. Kelly didn’t see a reason to say anything as it did not mean anything to him, he figured ignoring it was a safe bet. He did have to work alongside her while on cases. Also, it just didn’t matter. There was literally only one who captured his attention. He loves Stella. He was only attracted to Stella. Other women were just there in his mind.

The last case they had worked on. Seager had become much more obvious. Might even say was on the verge of crossing lines. Just verbal remarks. Subtle touching his arms on occasion. As much as he didn’t care. He also thought about how he would feel if some man Stella was working side by side with was getting a little too close, it would bother Kelly to no end. Of course, he trusted Stella just as she trusts him. Still, would be a sore spot and felt it shows a lack of respect for their relationship. After Seager asked him to go out for dinner to a nice restaurant to “talk about a case” he knew it was time to put a stop to this.

“Seager. Look. I enjoy working with you. We make a good team, professionally speaking. I need to be crystal clear. I have a girlfriend. A girlfriend that I love more than anything. I have refrained from mentioning anything before but I feel you aren’t backing down. I don’t want any lines to be blurred here. We have a platonic, working relationship. I would ask you to keep it that way if you want us to continue working together on cases. I will not disrespect my relationship with Stella”

Seager felt embarrassed but she understood and promised to back off, keeping it completely professional.

Later at home. Kelly and Stella are enjoying some quality time together.

“So, I told Seager today she needed to back off with her flirting with me”

“Well, Finally. What happened to not even noticing that she is in fact flirting with you?”

“Stella. Of course I noticed. It just meant nothing to me and I didn’t see a need to bring it up with her when there is only one woman I am attracted to and want to flirt with me. With that being said, I also love you so very much. More than anything. I want to show the respect I have for our relationship. If the roles were reversed it would bother me. So, it was time I made clear to her where my heart will always lie”

“Thank you babe. I really appreciate you respecting us that way “

“I always will”

Chapter 14 ~ Nuture

10x14. Kelly offering love and support to Stella before moving to another station to take a lieutenant position.

Stella was feeling so grateful becoming lieutenant. In a perfect world she would have loved to stay at 51 but with Pelham settling into 51. Stella had fought for him to stay when he was unfairly targeted. He deserved to stay at 51. There was a lieutenant position that had opened up at another nearby station. After returning from her GOF trip. Things were very rocky for a while starting with her relationship with Kelly. She had ghosted him before returning. It took many conversations and time for them to get back to a good place. Eventually, they got back to being them again. The main reason why Stella had acted off while on her trip was her anxiety about being a lieutenant at 51. Taking over for Casey. Pressure overwhelmed her to fill such big shoes. After, fighting for Pelham and her the sole reason he still had a position because he deserved to stay. Boden had put a good word in for her and now she had an opportunity to become a leader with a new team, at a new station. She had her confidence back and knew she would be a great leader where ever that would be. What was plaguing her now is leaving 51. Leaving her family. Not seeing Kelly everyday. Her fiancée being a presence at 51 with her was a constant. After a bad call. When she needed someone to talk to. It was hard knowing she wouldn’t have her family beside her anymore. Stella enjoyed her last shift at 51. Soaking in everything. They would all still be in her life outside of work. Still her family. As she said her goodbyes, Kelly and her headed home to spend some quality time together as they now worked different shifts and their time together would be limited for now. They had a strong foundation. Knowing they would figure it out. They always would.

Stella was very restless as Kelly had settled in to watch some TV. Stella continuously walking back and forth from bedroom to living room. Not able to sit still. Kelly started to chuckle. Secretly thinking how adorable she is. Sure, she was nervous but it made Kelly’s heart skip a beat at the thought on how much Stella cares. She was nervous because she wanted to be a good leader. Being a woman lieutenant would bring on challenges among men. Leading a team was so important to her and this opportunity meant so much to her. Kelly knew he had it a little easier. He was bred into this career. Hasn’t had to move stations and has had the benefit of having his family everyday. Some have left and come but the core group has remained the same. Kelly has natural avenger capabilities. Also, as it still is such a shame being a woman leader in the CFD is still challenging for any woman, but if anyone could change that way of thinking it was Stella Kidd.

“Stella. Babe. Please just sit down with me”

“OK”

Stella snuggled into her fiancées chest.

Kelly softly whispering.

“Stel. You are gonna be so great. I’m so proud of you”

“I’m just scared. Somewhere new. A new team. Not having you and my family there with me day after day”

“That’s true. But you have the confidence and are already such a good leader. There might be hiccups at first. It may take some time to get in a groove with your team. You will make it your own. You will grow your team and it will be amazing. You know what makes me sad? The fact that I won’t have a front row seat everyday to see you excel as one of the best leaders I have ever seen. Just remember one thing. I am just a phone call away. Anytime you need to hear how great you are. I will be happy to reassure you”

“You are such a softie, Kelly Severide. Thank you for always being my soft pillow to land on. How did I get so lucky?”

“For one. I’m the lucky one. For two. I will always be a soft landing for you. I love you, Stella Kidd. Oh I’m sorry, lieutenant Kidd”

“Don’t you forget it lieutenant Severide”

Chapter 15 ~ Open Arms

11x01. Stella comforting Kelly while he is dealing with the aftermath of what happened on their wedding night.

To say Kelly was seeing red in the aftermath of their wedding night was an understatement. Pryma trying to reassure him that he is safe now. “I’m not worried about me. My wife was almost killed” That is what was consuming Kelly. His decision to pursue this could have gotten Stella killed. That thought alone made Kelly wanna scream. Knowing there was a dirty cop that divulged information on where the newlyweds were. Their wedding night had turned into a living nightmare. As he stood outside the loft returning home to his wife. He had to be thankful his wife was alive. She was here with him. Although, the guilt was still consuming him.

“Are you OK?”

“I could of got you killed”

“Don’t do that”

After Stella had reassured her husband this was not his fault. He drapped himself into her lap. Stella knowing her husband needed comfort. Kelly clinging onto her tightly almost as if he would never be able to hold her ever again. Stella running her fingers through his hair, lightly massaging.

“Kelly. You need to really understand. This is not your fault. You were trying to keep people safe, like you always do. There is absolutely no way to know these assholes would be tipped off to where we were”

“I know Stel. I know. I just can’t let go of the fact that because of me pursuing this that your life was in such peril danger. It breaks me knowing how close I was to losing you”

“Kelly. You didn’t lose me. I’m right here. I’m here because you saved me. Stop, putting this guilt on yourself. It kills me seeing you suffer like this. We just need to try to move on from this. We are married now. I have never been so happy in my life. We aren’t going to let Campbell take away our moment. We need to celebrate us being husband and wife”

“Im not used to being the one needing comfort in our relationship. That’s usually my job. A job I take very seriously I might add.”

“Well. We are a team. It’s about time I returned the favour. You always take such good care of me. Every once in a while you need to let me take care of you too. Are we clear?”

“Copy”

Chapter 16 ~ Perfect

10x11. A continuation of the “I wanna be perfect one for you” conversation.

Stella returning from her GOF trip had been tense, even awkward. Kelly was still angry and hurt by Stella ghosting him before she returned home. They had talked about everything. Stella assuring him she in fact still wanted to marry him. Shutting down a worry of Kelly’s that she had been with someone else. Stella explained why she had ghosted him. Experiencing a moment of panic about becoming lieutenant at 51. Stella explaining she thought Kelly would have been disappointed in her. Kelly shocked. How could he ever be disappointed in her? Still, even with her explanations and he accepted her reasoning. He couldn’t help but still feel angry. Feeling that Stella had abandoned him. As much as he wanted to just move on. He couldn’t. So, he put up a wall. Sure, they had sex, he kissed her when she initiated intimacy but Stella could sense he was just appeasing her. He really wasn’t engaged with her like he always has been. Stella knew she had royally screwed thinks up. Now, she was terrified she had screwed things up so badly that there would be no coming back from it. Her dream of building a life with the only man she would love was in serious jeopardy. She didn’t know how to fix this. Kelly was getting more angry and annoyed the more she apologized.

“No one is perfect, not even Stella Kidd”

“Yeah. I just want to be the perfect one for you”

“You are the perfect one for me”

In that moment. As he wrapped his arms tightly around her, she had felt for the first time in days they were slowly getting back to where they were.

Later as they settled into bed for the night. Stella was still restless. After a passionate session of love making. Stella, still feeling anxious. Kelly had fallen asleep. Stella kept tossing and turning. Finally settling on her back. Eyes wide open. She was thinking maybe she should just go to the couch so she didn’t disrupt her fiancée. Kelly waking up and seeing the anguish on Stella’s face. Knowing her mind was circling. Kelly felt he had a valid reason to be angry with her these past days but now he felt broken seeing how she was struggling with guilt and regret. Noticing she had been quietly crying. That broke his heart. No matter what. He never wanted to be the reason she ever cried. As angry as he was with her. She was punishing herself for days now. So vulnerable with her own regret. He had reassured her she was completely forgiven and he wanted them to move forward. He meant what he had said. She was the perfect one for him. Always had been, always would be.

“Stella. Baby. Talk to me. I can see you are struggling”

“I’m sorry I woke you up”

“NO. Don’t be sorry. Just talk to me”

“I’m so grateful you forgave me. I just don’t feel I deserve to be forgiven. I made you doubt me. Made you doubt us. I never ever wanted to hurt you in that way”

“Stella. Sweetheart. Stop it right now. Shall we go back to all the times I made you feel this way. You put up with me, my walls, lack of communication. All of it”

“Yeah. And I broke up with you because of it”

“Stella. Listen. Things are different now. We were dating for a short time when that happened. We were just starting to build our foundation at that point. Now, we are engaged. We have gone through so much together and we are so much stronger together. And remember after our breakup, it didn’t take long for us to find our way back to one another. Even through this. I never once thought about us breaking up. I was angry and frustrated. I questioned things, YES. But I never once doubted the love we have for each other. Please, baby. Stop punishing yourself. Everything is forgiven. I love you, Stella Kidd more than anything. I want us to move forward. Look ahead to becoming husband and wife.”

“OK. I promise to stop looking back and just start thinking ahead. Thank you, Kelly. Please never doubt how much I love you. I can’t wait to marry you”

“Me too. Stella. Me too. You’re are the greatest person I have and will ever have in my life. And just so you know. You are going to be an amazing leader. I will remind you of that everyday. No matter what you do with your career. I will NEVER be disappointed in you. Just always talk to me, OK?”

“Deal. I promise. I will never let you down like that again”

“I know babe”

Stella fell into a deep sleep. All the anxiety slipping away. Curled up into her fiancées arms.m

Chapter 17 ~ Queen

9x13. Kelly’s pride for Stella after helping Alia.

Kelly was always proud of Stella in what she does on a daily basis. On call after call. Nothing prepared him for this day. On one shift she had absolutely shown everyone what an absolute bad ass she really is. Kelly had tried to get her to go home as she was set to take her lieutenants exam the next day. She was nervous. He wanted her to take some time for herself. Try and relax. She was having none of that. Knowing she would go stir crazy sitting at home. She wanted to be productive. As they got a call. It was gruesome. A man was hanging from a tree with a branch piercing right through his torso. They needed to relieve the pressure to bring him down. The longer he was left hanging, the more the tree branch would puncture in deeper which would cause more damage to his internal organs. Severide was ready to cut the tree but the problem was cutting the slack. Stella, being Stella. No hesitation spider man climbed the tree. Got up behind the victim who was now hanging on. She used all her strength and lifted him upwards to release the slack while Kelly cut the tree down and hooked the ropes where they were able to slowly bring him down to the stretcher waiting. Kelly, was proud. Telling his girlfriend if it wasn’t for her he would of had no chance of survival. She had given him a small chance.

When they returned to 51. Stella had received a panicked call from a girl. This had been the second time a weird call came for her. Before the call, this girl had called but had hung up before Stella could get some information. As she told Mouch who was working the desk to transfer any calls to Kelly’s office where she would be studying for her exam. Not long after she received another call. This girl, was terrified. Had disclosed she was once in the GOF program which answered the question of how she knew Stella. Throughout the day, Stella wanted to help this girl knowing she was in serious trouble with bad people. She had enlisted Kylie’s help to find out information about this girl. Kylie able to find previous sign up sheets and remembering her voice. They had a name. Meanwhile, Kelly and Boden went out searching for her. Stella had kept Alia on the phone reassuring her. As Stella kept her on the phone, had Kelly on her cell. Had a brilliant idea for Boden to turn on the sirens and would know if they were close as she was able to hear the sirens through the phone. Boden and Kelly were able to save Alia and her brother from gang members. On the way back to the firehouse after taking Alia and her brother to the hospital. Kelly couldn’t believe what had taken place. They were safe not thanks to him but Stella. Her quick thinking and smarts saved them. He always knew how amazing she is but this just reinforced the many reasons he loved her.

The next day as Stella was preparing to leave for her exam. Kylie knocking on the loft door with Alia. Who tearfully thanked Stella for saving her life. Never giving up on her. Of course, humble Stella reassuring her she had saved herself. Alia had asked to come back to GOF. Stella feeling such pride for the girls and program she was so passionate about.

As she was leaving, Kelly giving her last words of encouragement.

“That is why you are going to be a great lieutenant”

“You got this, Stella Kidd”

After a long, lingering kiss.

“I really need to get going. Just wanted to thank you for always helping and supporting me. You played such a big part in helping Alia. I’m so grateful for you always having my back, never questioning me”

“Well, your welcome. But this was all you. Stella, I am so proud of you everyday. Yesterday just cemented what an absolute bad ass Queen you truly are. I am so proud of you, babe. I also know you are going to crush this exam and become a remarkable leader. Because you already are and have been for a long time now. I get a front row seat to seeing your greatness”

“You are such a wonderful man, Kelly Severide”

“You had a big hand in making me that man, Stella Kidd. Now, go crush that exam. I love you”

“I love you, Kelly Severide”

Chapter 18 ~ Reunited

11x10. Kelly being reunited with his wife as she woke up in her hospital bed.

Stella had to have shrapnel removed from her abdomen after the fall out from the grenade call. She had not yet woken up from anesthesia. Kelly had updated everyone at 51 in the waiting room and they all retrieved back to 51. Kelly sat at her bedside. Hand placed on top of her blanket covering her legs. As he sat, staring at his wife. Even in a hospital gown, oxygen prongs in her nose, hooked up to vital sign machine. She has never looked more beautiful to him. God, he had almost lost her again. They had only been married months and her life had been put in danger not once but twice now. All stemming from this damn Campbell situation. He was so angry with Pryma, continuously dragging him into these dangerous situations where it had essentially been Stella who was a main casualty of it. He was supposed to protect her. He is her husband. He kept failing her. Again, she never ceased to amaze him. Trying to save Pryma and what she had done in that house to keep her team safe. She was just amazing. The love her has for this woman, his wife was priceless. He continued to watch her peacefully sleep until he himself fell asleep. This day had been exhausting. Filled with anxiety and fear. Kelly knowing his wife was going to be ok was able to close his eyes and wait for her to open those beautiful brown eyes.

Later, Stella woke up. Spotting the water on her bed table. Realizing how thirsty she was. As she reached for the glass. Letting out a grunt as it was extremely painful to move. The shrapnel removed was quite deep in her abdomen. Kelly immediately hearing her and woke up from his slumber. Seeing the pain she was feeling.

“Hi. Baby”

“Ugh. This really hurts”

“Lay back down. Let me get your water”

Kelly handing his wife the glass of water. As she took a big sip he couldn’t stop staring at the beauty in from of him.

“Kelly. Babe. Your staring. I’m ok”

“Stella. I’m not gonna ever stop staring at you. I could have lost you. Again.”

“I know baby. I’m sorry you went through this. But I’m really ok. Gonna take some time to recover but I’m gonna be just fine. Gonna take a lot more than a little grenade to get rid of me, Kelly Severide”

“I can’t explain how good it is to hear your voice, seeing those gorgeous eyes looking back at me. My amazing wife. But can you please just stop trying to give me a heart attack?”

“I believe I have said those exact same words to you”

“Yeah you have”

“ Have you been here all night?”

“I’m not going anywhere”

“Kelly. Babe. You are so tired. I’m ok. Why don’t you go home. Take a shower. Have something to eat, get some rest”

“Stella. Sweetheart. I appreciate the concern for me but I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE until I walk out of this hospital with you”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought”

“Get some rest, my love. I will be right here”

Chapter 19 ~ Sensational

10x12. Kelly reacting to Stella’s leadership on her first call as lieutenant. FINALLY Stella getting a ring.

Stella was feeling very nervous on the morning before shift. All the tension between Kelly and Stella had evaporated. They were back to them again. All had been forgiven. They were full steam ahead looking towards their future. That morning Stella had been rambling, which Kelly thought was adorable but he also knew she only got that way when she was nervous.

“Stella. Relax. Babe. Your gonna be great. Don’t get in your head. You got this, Stella Kidd”

As they got the first call which all rigs had been called to. It was Stella’s stage now. Her team encouraging her. She was in charge and they would be right behind her. Needing squads assistance with rescuing a man who was stuck in an escalator panel. No hesitation once they arrived at the call. Her ordering squad, including Kelly on what she needed from them. Kelly was overjoyed to take orders from his fiancée. The man had been successfully rescued. Receiving medical attention. After Stella ordered truck to pack up. Walking away from Kelly. He looked up and saw Boden who both had an elating smile on their faces, so proud of their girl. Kelly knew there was no reason for her to be nervous as once she was on a call, it would be just second nature for her.

Later, all the officers were trying to figure out a way to help Pelham who was being unfairly targeted as a means of revenge from a past mistake. Sarah, a firefighter had been pressured by an officer in much higher ranking to falsify a report to essentially end Pelhams career. This girl had been involved with helping Stella with her GOF program. With the assistance of commissioner Hill. Stella was able to talk with Sarah and allow her to see what women can accomplish in the CFD. Going through with something as serious as falsely accusing someone, trying to unjustly ruining a career would only hinder her future as a firefighter. Eventually, Sarah came around and rescinded her statement.

Everything came a head at the CFD gala. As Kelly walked Stella out to the balcony in the freezing cold Chicago night. As he told her how strong and brave she is. “I am the luckiest man in Chicago” and there it was to Stella’s shock. Kelly pulled out a ring to put on her finger. Stella crying at this point. After everything they had been through. She had a beautiful ring on her finger symbolizing their love for one another and their future. On the road to getting married.

Later, at home. As they had a passionate round of love making. Stella admiring her new piece of jewelry on her left finger.

“I gotta say. I’m so impressed with this ring. It’s so beautiful. Did you pick this out by yourself”

“I sure did”

“Nice work, Kelly Severide”

“Well it took me long enough to put a ring on your finger considering we have been engaged for months now. You deserve to have something beautiful, you know to match the person you are. The love of my life. I cannot wait to marry you, baby”

“Marrying you, my beautiful man is going to be the best day of my life and I can’t wait for that day”

Falling asleep in pure bliss. Kelly and Stella knowing they had forever to look forward to.

Chapter 20 ~ Torch

8x01. After getting back together. Kelly and Stella expressing to one another how they never stopped loving each other being apart.

Kelly had planned a special date for Stella. They had gotten back together. After a perfect reunion at the cabin. It had been literally perfect. Still, Kelly wanted to plan a special date night for her. Showing her just how much he loved her and how eternally grateful he was to have her back in his arms again. She was his girlfriend again. And he wasn’t letting her get away ever again.

Stella was so happy to be back together with her love. She was broken and lonely without Kelly. Yes, she had ended things but she know saw that it was a good thing. The little break was everything they both needed to realize the love they had for one another. Both fighting for their relationship. She never for even one second stopped loving him. She knew he was her forever. So, getting back to this point was purely joyful.

Their date was amazing. Kelly took her to a beautiful restaurant along the pier. Which Donna had recommended. As they walked along the pier. The beautiful night sky shining down on the water. It was heavenly. Both basking in one another like love struck teenagers. Hand in hand they continued their evening stroll. As they stopped, looking into one another’s eyes.

“Donna recommended it. Said to take someone there for a special occasion”

“What special occasion”

“You”

This man always had the right words to captivate Stella’s heart.

“Kelly Severide. You always know the right thing to say to make me feel so special. You are such a charmer”

“Only for you”

“Stella. I am so grateful we are here right now in this moment. The torch I have for you will NEVER stop burning. I have and will never love someone the way I love you”

“Kelly, you are my shining light that will never dim. I love you more than anything. Thank you for fighting for us. Even through the hard days with us you never gave up. Always seeing the worth of us”

“Stel. We are forever and nothing including me is going to come between us ever again. I promise you”

“Right back at ya baby”

As they continued walking hand in hand. Knowing they were right back where they wanted to be. Many more special date nights to come in their future.

Chapter 21 ~ Unconditional

8x07. Kelly confessing to Stella it doesn’t matter where his career takes him, as long he has her.

Kelly Severide underneath it all has a heart of gold. And for just not Stella but his 51 family. He made a sacrifice to go to OFI temporarily to help with back log in return to save Herman’s career as a lieutenant. It is just the kind of man Kelly is. He did love to work on OFI cases. He just didn’t want to do it day in and day out. He took a lot of pride in leading his team as 51s squad lieutenant. However, once he knew how a cop was unfairly targeting Herman. The choice was simple as he gave Grissom a ultimatum. He would only go to OFI in return for Herman’s safety. He would make this choice for any of his family at 51. He was also firm. He would help them clear their backlog and then would be free to return to 51.

Kelly realizing he would miss everyone at 51. No one more than Stella. Best part of his day was sneaking loving glances, or little kisses around the firehouse. Even more, on a few occasions. That is what he was going to miss most. They were now in a fully, committed serious relationship. He knew she was it for him. The last woman he would ever kiss, ever love. What made this choice easy to temporarily leave 51 was at the end of each day he would go home to Stella. They didn’t even officially live together but they spent every night together. Their living situations was just a formality now. He might not get to see her at the firehouse everyday for now but he would be able to fall asleep and wake up next to her.

Later that night. Stella had come over for the night because of course she had. They were standing together by the big loft window overlooking the beautiful Chicago night sky. Stella was overwhelmed with pride at how her boyfriend had the most amazing heart for everyone. The sacrifice he was making for Herman didn’t surprise her at the fact he was putting someone else ahead of himself. It was just the man he is. The man she loves.

“Your a good man, Kelly Severide. Are you really ok with going to OFI?”

“As long as I get to come to you, I will be ok”

“I’m without a doubt, the luckiest girl in the world”

A long, passionate lingering kiss insued. Many passionate kisses.

“Kelly I’m so proud of the man you are. Sacrificing such a change and helping Herman in the process”

“He’s a great lieutenant. He has always been such a good leader. He doesn’t deserve to lose it all cause of an asshole of a cop”

“That’s true. But don’t sell yourself short babe. What you have done is a sentiment to the man you are. The man I fell in love with and for the record will always be in love with”

“Thank you, baby. I meant what I said. The reason this is even remotely doable for me is the sole fact that at the end of the day I come home to YOU. On the shifts you are working nights don’t be surprised if I make a appearance at the firehouse to steal some kisses”

“Oh I can’t wait for that. On the nights I am not working you will always have me to come home to”

Kelly knew he was going to be asking Stella to move in with him. Just waiting for the perfect moment. For now he was content having these moments, together.m

Chapter 22 ~ Vows

10x22 prelude. A little AU of both Kelly and Stella talking with their best friends Casey and Brett about what they want their vows to represent.

The much anticipated wedding was right around the corner. Only a couple days away. All the last minute preparations had been taken care of. All the 51 family had pitched in to make this a wedding to remember. Everyone had been waiting for this day to finally come for Kelly and Stella. They all had a front row seat to their love story which began 6 years before. There were ups and downs for the couple but at the end of the day no one doubted these two would end up here. The love they had for eachother was eternal. They were one another’s soul mates. Always meant be together. Marriage was such a big deal for both of them and their pasts had caused some nerves. With all of that they had made it to this moment and there was no nerves, no hesitation. Both Kelly and Stella couldn’t wait to become husband and wife.

They were spending the last couple nights apart. Stella staying with Brett. Kelly at their home with Casey. Casey and Brett were not only a good couple together but both giving the couple advice on what is really important.

“So, Stella everything is good to go. How are your vows coming?”

“Ugh. I’m so frustrated. There are so many things I wanna say. When I write them on paper they sound muffled. It’s giving me such anxiety. Why is this so hard? I know what I feel for Kelly. What I have always felt. It just seems dumb when I see it on paper”

“Stel. You are overthinking this. You and Kelly’s love story is one for the ages. Everything you have been through and overcame to get to this point. You don’t need to write the words you wanna say on paper. When you walk up to Kelly, the words will come to you just speak from your heart. I promise you, anything you say will bring that man to tears”

“Thank you, Brett. You’re right. I’m putting way too much pressure on this. I know the words will come to me when I see him. Just like they always have”

Meanwhile at the loft…

“Sev. Want a beer?”

Casey had been watching Kelly grunt off and on while staring at paper in front of him.

“Sure”

“Severide. You look stressed? How is the vow writing going?”

“How does it look?”

“You know I’m not a man of many words. I just never thought I would have this much trouble. I know everything I feel for Stella. She’s my whole damn world. Why the hell can’t I put it on paper? This is ridiculous”

“Severide. Relax. Look, it doesn’t matter what goes on that paper. You could write a book. As soon as you see Stella walking towards you in a beautiful wedding dress, none of that is going to matter. Only thing that is going to matter is her. I assure you the words you wanna say will come to you and we will probably have to cut you off. Ring a bell or something”

“Nice Case. You are right though as soon as I see her I probably won’t have a leg to stand on, literally”

“Severide. Look back at the past 6 years. My gosh it’s crazy to think back. You the ultimate bachelor. Mr. casual dater. It was a revolving door. The day Stella walked through the door. It was like the world did a 360. As much as we all had reservations about two firefighters in the same station dating, we all also knew there was no stopping it. You and Stella were and still are a force. Meant to be. She changed everything for you, Sev”

“She sure did. Literally flipped my world upside down”

“Right. Those words will be easy once she is standing in front of you. Just go back to all the memories you have shared”

“Thank you, Case”

Tomorrow will be life changing for Kelly and Stella. They will finally be taking the next step into marriage.

Chapter 23 ~ Worry

8x09. Kelly feeling concerned for Stella’s well being after her car accident.

Kelly had been worried for Stella for days now. She had been burning the candle at both ends. Shifts at 51, working at Molly’s and teaching a class at the academy. Boden had recommended her to teach a class and Stella couldn’t imagine letting him down. It was becoming evident there wasn’t enough hours in the day. Stella wasn’t sleeping and starting to run on fumes. She had become unfocused on shift which caused Casey to having to come down hard on her.

Everyone was noticing the change in Stella. Her exhaustion was starting to seep through. Kelly was at OFI full time. However, when he would see her for few minutes he was fully aware that she was taking on to much. He wanted her to slow down. Stella being the perfectionist she is. So he let it go. Not before he had a conversation with Casey asking him to watch over Stella. He hated not being able to be at the firehouse everyday, if he couldn’t be there at least he would have someone to watch over her.

As Stella, Brett and Foster walked out of 51 after shift. Noticing just how exhausted Stella was. Stella trying to convince her friends she was fine. Not buying it. Brett sternly telling Stella she was calling in to the academy on Stella’s behalf and ordering her to go home and sleep. Stella finally agreed and realizing just how tired she was. As she got into her jeep to go home to rest. All of a sudden, it happened so quickly. Stella ran a stop sign which caused another vehicle to T-bone her jeep. Everyone at 51 had been walking to their vehicles after shift, all running to Stella’s aide after hearing the crash. Stella was conscious and alert with a gash on her forehead. The other vehicle had a young girl that had been injured, nothing serious.

As Stella sat in the waiting room at the hospital already having her face dressed in a small bandage. She was waiting to hear an update on the young girl. Stella feeling so guilty for getting in her car in the condition she was in. 51 family was all there to support Stella. As everyone was impatiently but quietly waiting. The hospital doors opened and Kelly running through the doors. Casey had called Kelly to tell him about the accident. Reassuring him Stella was ok, but he knew full well that wouldn’t matter. Kelly would need to see for himself.

“Hey. Are you ok?

“Yeah”

Brett and Foster came out and gave an update. The girl was fine. Only minor bumps and scrapes. Stella was so relieved. Still, feeling so guilty.

“Can I please take her home now?” muttered Kelly.

“Yes. Take her home. Please Stella, get some rest” replied Casey

Later at the loft…

Stella was resting in bed after having a hot, relaxing shower. Kelly sat down beside her while she sprawled into bed.

“Stella. Baby. Please get some rest. I have been so worried about you”

“I know Kelly. I have been pushing myself to hard. I realize after today that I need to slow down”

“Good. Thank you. When I got that call from Casey. It was one of the worst phone calls I have ever gotten and I never want to get a call like that again. Stella, baby. You are so amazing at everything you do but everyone has a limit. I love you so much”

“I love you too, Kelly. Thank you for taking care of me”

“I always will”

Kelly knew in that moment as he watched Stella fall into a deep slumber that he would always worry about her. That is what happens when you love someone the way he loves her. He would also always have her best interests at heart to keep her safe.

Chapter 24 ~ XoXo

9x15. Kelly and Stella pampering one another with hugs and kisses after Kelly’s impromptu proposal in the middle of a fire.

Kelly didn’t exactly know how he would propose to Stella. He knew when the timing seemed right he would just go for it. He knew he needed to get a ring and he would very soon. He hadn’t anticipated it the moment would come in the middle of a call, a blazing warehouse fire. When Stella joined Kelly to help him as he was alone trying to fend off the inferno. As they started breaking windows. Questioning Stella for not going with her team.

“Im never gonna leave you, don’t you get that by now”

There it was. The moment he had waited for. This was it. Kelly not giving a shit they were in the middle of a fire. This was their moment. Ripping off his helmet and mask. Getting down on one knee. Stella looking down at him, also ripping her helmet and mask off. It happened. The great Kelly Severide down on one knee asking Stella Kidd to be his wife. Stella said yes. No reservations.

After shift, two lovebirds left drapped all over each other. Still, no one knowing Kelly recklessly proposed in the middle of a fire. They would tell everyone at 51 in due time and maybe leave out some of the finer details. Tonight, was just about them. Spend quality time together in newly engaged bliss.

After many passionate sessions of love making. Both exploring each other bodies from head to toe.

“Kelly. Today was perfect. I don’t want it to ever end”

“It will only get better”

“You know we have a whole 4 days off. I don’t even have a shift at Molly’s for a couple days. What ever will we do with all this free time?”

“Oh I can think of a couple things”

“Oh Kelly Severide, you are such a charmer”

“Stella Kidd, you haven’t seen nothing yet. I plan on spending the next couple of days ravishing you, all well peppering you with many hugs and kisses. Never leaving this bed”

“That sounds perfect”

As they looked forward to their future. Marriage and eventually kids. There was going to be plenty of hugs and kisses.

Chapter 25 ~ You

7x02. Kelly realizing Stella is his one and only. As she fought for her life, Kelly fighting for the life she deserved. Expressing himself to her at her hospital beside.

The tower fire had been an inferno straight out of the movies. Multiple stations from all over the city fighting the blaze.

Stella’s alarm started blaring which meant she was dangerously running out of oxygen. Her head knew she should get out of the building but her heart wanted to help Kelly. Her boyfriend. The love of her life. All rational thought had gone out the window. Unfortunately, Stella was unable to make it to Kelly. She had run out of oxygen and collapsed. As Kelly had just rescued a child in Kelly Severide avenger style. By scaling the outside of the building, many floors up with a little boy in his arms. Kicking in a nearby window away from the flames. The little boy was safe. Feeling elated and proud. That feeling of pride was quickly extinguished when he heard the most awful words through the radio “MAYDAY! MAYDAY! KIDD IS DOWN” Kelly rushed to where he knew she was last. Helping Herman pull her lifeless body through the fire, carrying her outside to the waiting stretcher with Brett and Foster desperately giving her medical attention. They had a pulse but she wasn’t breathing which required her being intubated. Later, at the hospital Kelly was fighting everyone. He was terrified. Riddled with fear of losing her. Fighting the doctors to not removing her lung which would essentially destroy her whole career. Eventually getting escorted by security out of Chicago Med. Thankfully, April his long time friend. A nurse at Med had advocated for Kelly and essentially Stella. They came up with a plan to save her lung and her life. It was risky but worth it in the end.

Kelly was anxiously sitting in the waiting room right outside of Stella’s room where she was still sedated under anesthesia. All Kelly could do was reflect. Thinking about how long he had loved Stella. Not willing to admit how he felt for a long time. Feeling he had wasted so much time. But also, if they had jumped right into a quick relationship it may of burned out as soon as it began. Instead, they had built an amazing friendship. A friendship that they both cherished. They were able to move from friendship to a romantic relationship. Kelly feeling they did everything the right way.

“Kelly. She’s awake. Wants to see you”

As Kelly was taken out of his thoughts with April’s voice. He excitedly stood up, still in his bunker gear, walking up to Stella. All he could do was stare and smile at her. After just having major surgery and barely awake from sedation. Kelly thinking she never looked so beautiful.

“Stop”

“I’m so glad your back”

“Of course”

Kelly broke down and collapsed into her. All his emotions pouring out in one moment.

“Kelly, it’s ok. I’m ok. Thanks to you. I heard about you fighting to not only save me but also my career. I don’t know how I will ever thank you”

“Stella. You don’t have to thank me. I would do it all over again, for you”

“Are you ok? I can see you mind spinning right now”

“Stella. When your alarm went off, why didn’t you get to safety? You know how reckless that was”

“I was trying to get to you. I wanted to help you”

“I heard. I could of lost you. I was so close to losing you. I have suffered many losses throughout my life. Stella, I honestly wouldn’t survive losing you. Please don’t do that ever again”

“Copy. Lieutenant”

“YOU. Are everything to me. I love YOU so much. I am crazy in love with YOU”

“And I love YOU, Kelly Severide. So much”

As Stella drifted off to sleep. Kelly sitting right at her bedside and wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. Thankful to have her alive, still with him. A lot to be thankful for.

Chapter 26 ~ Zealous

10x15. Kelly reassuring Stella exactly where he wanted to be.

Kelly would go and work on OFI cases often. Usually with Seager. It never bothered Stella much. However, lately she was really noticing how well they worked together. She had witnessed Seager giving Kelly googly eyes for some time now. It just seemed lately Seager was calling for him to come assist her at whatever hour. Seager had been hurt which truck had been called to. Kelly and Cruz were there assisting. Stella had seen the closeness and for the first time she was feeling jealous. She completely trusted Kelly but it didn’t curb her insecurities. She could see Seager’s attraction to Kelly, hell she wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. So brazen. It was making Stella crazy. Stella found herself venting to Kylie. Rambling, not able to stop herself. Stella would ramble when she was nervous or something was eating away at her.

Stella never wanted to be that girlfriend. She was never a jealous person. She just couldn’t help it anymore. Kelly and her had just gotten through a rough patch after she returned from her GOF trip. Kelly had worked on multiple cases with Seager but given how Stella had ghosted him during the end of her trip. If she brought up Seager recently. He would snap at her. Not because something was going on but Stella not having the right to question anything when she wasn’t communicating. Kelly reminding her, he wasn’t given a chance to tell her about working on cases with Seager. Stella felt it was a no win situation. She would just have to let it go.

Kelly returned home after wrapping up a case with Seager. Hearing how Stella had recruited Mason to be the new member on her team. Kelly proud of his fiancée for going after the right fit. As he was strutting towards her, crashing his lips into hers. Stella pushing him away for a moment. Questioning if he was going to get called away while enjoying some sexy time.

“I’m exactly where I want to be”

Later, much later after a much needed love making session. Kelly had seen Stella while Seager was around and knew she was bothered. Honestly, he didn’t blame her either. It would bring out his insecurities as well. Remembering Tyler. Knowing he was in love with Stella. It caused so much turmoil which was one factor leading up to their breakup. Well, how was this different. Seager definitely wanted Kelly it was blankly obvious. So of course this would make Stella a little insecure.

“Stella. I need you to know something”

“Ummm. Ok”

“No matter how many cases I work on with Seager. I will always come home to you. Wanting you. My passion starts and lies with you. I am only attracted to you. She is and will ever only be a co worker. Strictly platonic. I hope you truly believe that”

“I do, Kelly. It just bothers me sometimes and brings out some insecurities”

“Stella. I don’t ever want you to feel that way. I have so much passion and love for you. Seriously, when I see you. Anytime, anywhere. I am so attracted to you, only you. That is never going to change”

“Thank you babe. I will let it go. Guess I can’t really blame her for being attracted to you. God knows how lucky I am to have you as my man”

“She can look all she wants, Stel. But only you get the goods”

Stella knowing Kelly only had eyes for her. She trusted him. Seager would never be a threat.

[aingeal98]

The way Orv will dangle the basic premise in front of you like a set of keys and have you going "Ha! So Joonghyuk is the novel's protagonist but Dokja is OUR main character." and you're so busy enjoying that layer of meta text that you don't notice their other hand winding up the Han Sooyoung hammer to whack you with.

[lomlompurim]

respost separated from the og post bc I really liked this silly little thing I made

And a little extra of my own

little binghe has a goal in this life and it only gets worse once he mets sqq, no one dares to threaten his position as sqq's future wife, he literally was born to be his spouse!!

[griefyards]

The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir // Brokeback Mountain (2005) // Moon Song, Phoebe Bridgers // The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir // A Lover's Discourse, Roland Barthes // A Ghost Story (2017) // The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir // Candy (2006) // Letters to Vera, Vladimir Nabokov.

[raiiny-bay]

Love, Dhes

Parker,

It's unfair how time with you feels so short. How the last 10 years have felt like no time at all. I like to think there are other versions of us out there, somewhere. Maybe in another timeline, another universe. I like to think we find each other no matter where we are or what we're doing. That we're together and happy and I get to love you in a dozen different lifetimes. That's what I hope, anyway. And I hope when this lifetime ends, we get to start over and do it all again. Because once just isn't enough. Not for me. Not with you.

I hope the next 10 years pass slower.

Love, Dhes

[love-letters-i-never-sent]

[thetooncrew]

the great filter [fanart made for @laikascomet by @catmask. please check it out!]

[chrliekclly]

[crushedsweets]

The fact that this fandom exists in the first place and continues to exist in 2024 is absurd and beautiful

[wlwdaydreamms]

If I can't have you in this life, I hope you leave my heart alone. I hope my heart beats for someone else. Someone that will feel the same way about me.

[lovesickeros]

☆ de fontaine

{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k

This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!

She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.

She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.

Furina is tired.

But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?

So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.

Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.

Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.

An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.

She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.

She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.

She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.

And Furina has always been good at lying.

It's the believing that's the hard part.

There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?

Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.

She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?

She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.

Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?

Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.

Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?

They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?

"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"

Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.

Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.

Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.

Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.

"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.

But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.

They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.

She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.

If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..

Furina will make sure they do.

[mostly-paper-kind]

it's a love story.....

[dragongirlpoet]

The Sleeping Soldier

(Alucard inspired one shot — Alucard x reader)

❤️ Adrian reads you a love letter ❤️

Hello love,

In the decrepit chasm of despair, often I found myself wholly unable to see the light. Any prospect of joy — laughter, has evaded me. To the darkness I had pledged my soul subservient.

It had been days or months…perhaps a century? I’m not sure. Although you must pardon me, my…grief…has rendered my memory quite unreliable.

Yet somehow, somehow, amid my sombre solitude, you — a divine dream, as if descended from the heavens itself, showed up at my door. You had offered me daffodils when I was a lone willow in a wuthering storm. “I’ll tend to your dying garden. I’ll mend the castle. I’ll tame the anarchy in your heart”, you had uttered, words soft as a soothing kiss.

And it was in that promise that I alas, witnessed the brilliance of stars that hung in the beauty of night. Immortality is now an incandescent, glowing ray of hope — burning bridges of my past burdens that were tethered to me like a rope. You are the lifeblood of light to my destitute of doom.

You…have I said too much? You really must forgive my incessant rambling. I…it was a long time ago since I’d felt this happy. Just one more. I promise. You are the sun in which my world rotates — the very essence of light to my withered being. My beloved, I had not known true love till now. I love you.

#ilovehimsomuch

More Alucard stories -> Dark Signs

[dollypopup]

I think it's interesting to look at the 'Mr. Bridgerton' scene as a backdrop for the eventual mirror scene. Firstly, in the fact that I think we've kind of misinterpreted it.

So many people are of the mind that scene's purpose to 'drag' Colin, but really, that scene has 3 primary functions. The first is to inform Colin that Penelope is aware of what he said of her, thus opening the door to clearing the air between them and providing an avenue for which Colin can apologize. The second is to establish the ground that they are currently on: Penelope has given up on the dream of Colin Bridgerton, in particular the perfect prince that can do no wrong, and has made it clear to him. It also creates distance between them that they will bridge.

But the third, and to me the most wrapped up in the mirror and the inner workings of their relationship is that it reveals how Penelope feels about *herself*. It's not necessarily an echo of what the ton considers her as, after all, we have a lot of evidence indicating that, for all intents and purpose, people aren't *unkind* about her, but rather that they ignore her. Audience members recognize this as Penelope's own shyness being the cause, she is often sitting off on the sidelines or not really talking to much of anyone, in the books she's referred to as the 'one who doesn't speak', and her LW business takes her away from being a character in the action of the ton to a bystander, kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts that perpetuates itself. Pen felt unseen so she became LW to have some power, but then LW herself must remain unseen and Penelope continues to be by design of her own making.

No, I think what it really reveals is that Penelope has incredibly low personal self esteem. We as a fandom has lauded that scene as her dragging Colin, saying that he's cruel and calling him Mr. Bridgerton is absolutely meant to create distance between them, but I don't think she's dragging him.

Because the person she is *actually* dragging here. . .is herself. And it is a general theme in her life. In Whistledown. Aloud. Even with Marina, when she complimented her, she assumes that she's lying. When Edwina says she's wearing a pretty dress, Penelope puts herself down and doesn't believe her, even when the compliment is genuine. In truth, Portia is not seen as being particularly unkind to Penelope. At least, speaking as someone who's mum was *awful* about my size and weight and outfits, Portia is. . .overall rather mild. She's not KIND and loving, not by a long shot, but she's also not targeting Penelope only. She's plenty mean and critical to Prudence, too, even to the point where she foists her off to her own cousin as a pawn piece. Penelope has low self esteem because of a lot of reasons, she's bullied by Cressida (I think a lot of girls are, she was pretty mean even to Daphne in S1) and her family isn't very tender to her, and she's not being pursued at every turn, but part of it is also her own perpetuation.

Listen to what she says "Of course you would never court me" "I embarrass you" "I am the laughingstock of the the ton". She sees *herself* as an embarrassment. She puts *herself* down. Arguably, more so than the ton does. She's meaner to herself than anyone else is, aside from Cressida. And honestly? Looking at Colin's face there. . .he is HURT that she considers herself this way. That she's projecting that onto him. Yes, he's hurt that he hurt her, of course he is, he never wants to hurt her. And yes, he's ashamed that he said he wouldn't court her the way he did and that in doing so, he validated her fears that she is unloved and unwanted, but also because. . .she already feels that way about herself. She's felt that way for years. And it's painful to care about someone, to see them as wonderful, and realize. . .they don't feel the same about themselves at all. I don't think Colin is out here feeling so wounded over the fact that she called him cruel and won't refer to him by first name anymore, but that he's most hurt by what she says about herself.

Because he *doesn't* see her the way she accuses. She says she never expected him of all people to be so cruel, but he feels the same way. He never expected her to be so cruel to *herself*. He wants to go somewhere private, not because she is an embarrassment, but because he wants to have a private conversation with her. Maybe assure her. Maybe explain himself. Maybe hash it out. But god Luke Newton's acting. . .he is *aching* for her. And it feels like he's going to do those lessons not in atonement for what he said (thank god) but to genuinely help his friend who thinks badly of herself. To lift her up. It's not about him at all, not about earning forgiveness, but about elevating Penelope. And that's. . .fuck, I just find that's just so heart stoppingly beautiful.

You can see, in that scene, how much he cares about her. How deeply and genuinely he adores her as a person. And just how painful it is for him to know he has validated, whether on purpose or otherwise, how poorly she feels about herself. How low her self-confidence really is. She is giving him a glimpse into the cracks of her heart, and when he sees them, he wants to reach out with both hands and make it feel better. Make her feel better.

After she says 'even when I change my entire wardrobe', he looks so fucking crushed. So 'don't say that'. So 'you really believe that?'. So 'God, I hate that you think that way'.

Because regardless of it all, he does love her. It's not romantic yet. It's not sexual yet. But he genuinely, truly, from the bottom of his heart, thinks she's wonderful. That was evident even in the 'purpose' scene. Every time Penelope opens up and reveals a facet of herself, he likes it. He likes her barbs and her dreams, he likes talking to her. He likes her. And he feels awful that he hurt her. And he feels awful that she's hurting herself. He loves her. He wants her to love herself.

And that's where the mirror scene comes in. Because the mirror scene isn't about sex, not really. Not entirely, at least. The mirror scene is about *intimacy*. The mirror scene is about being seen. Not just her seeing him, or him seeing her, but for Penelope to see *herself*. In a way, through his eyes. Because hers are biased rather negatively toward herself, which is evidenced in the 'Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton' scene, and in so many little moments we've already gotten where she's literally looking down on herself, feeling down. She doesn't necessarily *like* what's in the mirror, but he does. Because he likes *her*. And he wants to show her that he does. Show her that he finds her beautiful and have her recognize that in herself.

The 'Goodnight Mr. Bridgerton' scene is about Penelope revealing how she sees herself. The mirror scene is about Colin showing her how *he* sees her. The Goodnight scene is about Penelope thinking she means nothing to him, that he thinks of her the way she thinks of herself, that this is how everyone thinks of her, and the mirror scene is a direct response to that: No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't think she's embarrassing. No, he doesn't think she's a laughingstock. No, he doesn't think she's unappealing. And he doesn't think she should, either.

And he's going to show her that. Not just tell her, but show her. The mirror scene is so often a focus on Penelope, so much of Polin is in Penelope's focus, but approaching it from Colin's perspective and his motivations is so fulfilling, too. It's a glimpse into them in conversation, and a demonstrate of how Colin loves her. How Colin loves in general, openly and earnestly and altruistically. How he encourages her to be braver and more confident in herself, bolstering her because he just likes her *that much*. How he finds the most fulfillment and satisfaction in caring aloud. The mirror scene is a demonstration of his heart in reflection.

When Luke Newton said the first word that came to mind with the word 'Mirror' was 'Exposed', he doesn't just mean physically. He means emotionally, too.

God this couple is so fucking good.

[flower-yi]

Margaret's greeting to you is sweet.

She's the assistant Veritas took in three years ago, and hasn't left since. Most people applying to the position have ulterior motives—you glumly recall a specific student, because my goodness, they have little to no shame these days—but just one meeting with her made you sure she'd be 'the one'. Her unwavering yet gentle disposition was endearing, and despite Veritas's distrustful attitude, she got in anyways.

(You think it's one of the best decisions he's made.)

"Is there anything in the mail?" You ask, shutting the door behind you.

She hums, "No, not really."

"Really?" This surprises you. Usually, it's a race to contact him on anything new he's working on. "Veritas said he's expecting letters for that weapon he's finished working on. You know, the anti-planetary one?"

"Remind me what's... that, again?"

Margaret furrows her eyebrows. Maybe Veritas forgot to tell her. "Remember that project he's been working on for a long time? The weapon got sent in for a test-firing and it was successful. So, he's waiting for any correspondence from anyone who'd like to expand on it."

(You remember peeking into his office, once, wondering why he was up so late. He promised more than four hours ago that he'll join you in bed, but there was only a coldness to his side of the bed you'll never get accustomed to.

"I will be there in a couple minutes, my love," Veritas addressed you without lifting his gaze from the blueprints he's scribbling on. From the mess on his hands, it seems he's been working on it since tucking you in. "You may go to the bedroom yourself. It is unnecessary to wait on me."

Instead of listening to him, you entered his office with the door clicking behind you. Veritas's head lifted, lips parted and about to say something, but he stopped; adjusting his glasses.

You draped over him, meeting cold skin.

"What're you working on?" You asked, instead. His warmth soothed you. "Mmh... looks like it's important."

Veritas placed a hand on yours, raised to his lips to be kissed. Aeons, your little doctor was so warm. "This weapon... will be a magnum opus. One that will eventually serve its purpose, and will be recognized for years to come."

Even in the sleep-addled brain of yours, you knew it was important.

"Yeah?"

"Indeed. It will be a weapon that will..." Veritas suddenly fell silent, alarming you. He was quick to assure you with another kiss to your hand, "Do not be so concerned, my love. Either way, this weapon will be reaching its final stages soon."

You were nearing dreamland, at this point. You recall it well.

Though the mutter under his breath was ingrained in your brain:

"An anti-planetary weapon that will, hopefully, earn Nous's blessing this time...")

The spark of recognition appears, "Oh, that one!"

"You know it," you toss her a smile. "So, what's the status? I hope the Genius Society picks up one of his inventions this time. He's been looking forward to it ever since."

You take a moment to place the paper bags on the table, setting aside your bag on one of the chairs for visitors. It's well into the afternoon, classes are finished, and by Veritas's schedule, you're sure both are famished. It's strange he's not in his office at this time. You're never late with your visits, so perhaps it's likely you're early and Veritas is late.

He's probably finishing up the last lectures of the day somewhere.

"I feel the same," Margaret knows Veritas to an extent that falls closely to yours, and it's not hard to root for him the same way you do. It warms your heart to hear how Margaret holds him in high-esteem. "Mr. Ratio's one of the best, they'd be out of the minds to not induct him into the Society—oh, are those chicken wraps?"

The chicken wraps are steaming as you tear away the aluminium foil. "Yeah, I bought it for the two of you. Want one?" Her eager nod has a laugh huff out of you, so you hand it to her. You joke, "So hungry you nearly forgot, huh?"

"Yeah... where did you buy them?"

"It's near the university. There were so many students I had to fight for it..." Thankfully, one of the vendors pitied your nearly trampled self and gave you two on the house. You make a silent note to bring Veritas there to pay your debt. "...anyways, where were we?"

Margaret pauses, "Mr. Ratio's genius?"

Well, that's not what you were saying, but it's a part of the topic. "Yes, genius. Veritas is intelligent, of course. Speaking of genius, did the Genius Society send anything?"

Margaret's reaction to your question is strange. She freezes, chicken wrap just hovering in front of her mouth. Your inquisitive gaze snaps her out of her reverie, and when getting her bearings, she's avoiding your eyes. "Nothing... yet, of course. I've been watching the mail for a week already."

A week? The Genius Society's correspondence normally would not take so long. "Is there anything else in the mail?"

"No, not really," she nods her head.

Huh? The disconnect between her body language and words makes no sense at all. However, the soft smile on Margaret's lips takes the edge of the suspicion off. Why would she lie to your face, though? Unless something's happened, then...

You decide to say something else. "I see... perhaps there's some issue with the mailing system?"

"Maybe!" Margaret agrees too easily with you. Her voice went too high-pitched, smile exaggerated, then she changes the subject, "Have you eaten on the way here? It feels impolite to be the only one eating."

The sudden mention of manners has you laugh awkwardly. It's already strange enough she's avoiding a simple question like she is right now but the poor girl looks like she's about to burst with your incessant questioning of if there's anything in the mail .

Is it really so hard to answer?

"Yes, I did," you answer. Gesturing to her chicken wrap, you say, "So, go ahead and eat. It's alright."

When you turn your gaze away from her, it's as if Margaret breathes a sigh of relief. It's obvious even in the corner of your eye. For the three years she's been here, her knowledge on Veritas's projects would be better than yours. After all, it is something work related, and she deals with his correspondence to anyone on behalf of him.

If she's lying like this, then there must be a reason. A Veritas-shaped reason, indeed, because he's got a bad habit of concealing things when it comes to something.

Letting Margaret be, you take a seat on one of the chairs meant for guests. Veritas's office is a spacious one, with a small reception area for visitors to wait on him. The door to his office is by the left, the entrance to this space on the right, and Margaret's desk in the middle of the room with the lounge chairs lined up by the wall in front of her.

With this placement, it provides you a clear view of Veritas's door... and the light escaping below it.

He's here in his office and he didn't come out to greet you.

Several emotions rise up and simmer in you. Some of them are negative. Well. Most of them are, because the way alarm and concern starts to boil within you is too much.

You take a deep breath to sort your emotions first. Your feelings are negative, and worry takes the top of the list. There are some wisps of anger but it quickly melts into the emotion up top and you slowly realise that Veritas has not messaged you even once starting... 1700 system hours ago.

With your phone now in hand, you shoot him a message.

It's something to the effect of asking where he is. The loud ding! of his own phone seeps out of his office room, out into the reception, and into Margaret and yours' ears.

Guilt colours Margaret's face vibrantly.

"I can explain," she begins as you stand up, making your way to his office. Poor girl, she's been shocked out of savouring the chicken wrap you've bought. "He's— he needs some time to himself..."

It's something other than needing time to himself, you know it, you know .

You give her a rueful smile, "Is that why you told me there's no mail?"

Margaret... falls short on an answer. The diverting of her eyes to the floor tells you everything. The successful test-firing of that anti-planetary weapon was done a few weeks ago, and everyone in the know was scrambling to cover it. It was Veritas, after all, and his name—like every genius—is known across the star systems. It'd make no sense there was no mail, no nothing , to be sent to him.

You only hold on to that tiny, little hope that you're wrong and Veritas is too caught on rejoicing to have noticed your arrival.

Only a look of understanding could be given to her. To scream, to yell, to let everything burst on Margaret is counter-productive. Maybe, if you asked, she'd say that she was merely doing what she, as an academic assistant, should do.

(If it was some other situation, you'd say—to his face—that you were right about Margaret. You'd say to him she's the best academic assistant he's ever had.)

You barely spare Margaret any glance before opening the door to his office. Thousands of thoughts trickle into your brain now, ranging from is he okay? to I hope nothing's bad happened.

Every moment of you turning the knob to open feels like in slow motion. Your heart is racing, just every inkling sending you in a worry-filled tizzy, and you feel nearly paralyzed in the spot where you are right now.

You open the door, and pity and fear and just everything drops a cold bucket over you.

Veritas sits on the chair by his desk, a crumpled letter on the wood and his headpiece discarded somewhere off to the side.

You're sure he's heard you coming in.

"Veritas?"

He absentmindedly says, "You may enter."

Veritas's voice doesn't have the usual lilt it has. It does not carry around the room, nor does it have its self-assured cadence that comes from being a genius. He stares at the scenery outside his office window, as if too entranced with the way light leaves the sky to make way for the moon. The moon that merely borrows its lumination from the sun.

The door locks behind you with a click that seems to echo in the dreadfully silent office. Now, only your footsteps make noise while approaching him. You move like you're holding your breath, not wanting to startle an animal that's already on its last legs.

But it's Veritas. He's not some lowly animal, though you know his heart to be softer than anyone else would presume.

Leaned over him, you bring his face into your hands. He lets you so readily, not once making any smart comment about handling him like porcelain.

(You received such a comment, once, when doing so the first time. Before Margaret, it was you. It was so long ago you don't recall, but Veritas had turned to you for help in handling his interactions with the "outside world", he'd call it, and this time, he was busy with a project. Some prototype he'd been originally commissioned to make, though, without any second thoughts, turned down any offer of payment and instead asked that his name be "spread across the cosmos". You originally blanched at the credits the ruler of the planet was willing to drop for Veritas's involvement in their planet-wide security, but he easily brushed your surprise off. At that moment, you were sure that, to him, it was another day of putting his gifts to use. Another day of using his intelligence to aid in the prosperity of civilizations, as if it was nothing to boast about. "Do I seem to evoke some child-like energy to hold me like this?" Veritas questioned, a quizzical brow arched. There was nothing in his tone that suggested he disliked it to the point of abhorrence. If anything, he looked— curious as to why you'd hold him like this. Instead of answering that silent question, you cooed, "Oh, yes. A little baby, indeed! You're so adorable—" "That's enough," he interrupted. You couldn't help but laugh at his disgusted face. "While I appreciate the gesture, I ask you continue sorting through the letters that came through the mail if you are wasting your time like this." "You call this wasted time? I'm suddenly not allowed to hold my handsome boy like this." Veritas's eyes narrowed. "Cease calling me a 'handsome boy', and I will consider this time to be not of the 'wasted' sort." So, he didn't hate it then. You smiled. "You like it then, Veritas?" He fell silent, you recall. His eyes bore into yours, and for a moment, it seemed like he'd say no. Then Veritas turned his head, kissed your palm, and murmured, "If it's you... then, yes.")

You wonder if he can outright acknowledge it's you who's holding him this way. He seems so out of it that what gnaws at you says no, but you try. You try for him. "Veritas?" You say, again, redirecting his attention to you. His eyes follow his head's movement, but it drags, and it's like it's taking everything out of him to begin looking at you.

Faint recognition appears on his face, and his voice softens too much, unlike the usual way he addresses you, "...My apologies for not greeting you when you came. I was absorbed in my readings of a letter the IPC sent me. An invitation of some sorts..."

When you see his eyes, the world falls silent.

Oh, Aeons, his eyes. Its lost its sheen and barely looks like he's there at all.

Your heart aches. So, that's it, then.

"What did they invite you to, love?" You ask, caressing his cheeks.

Veritas breathes as if it takes so much out of him to say, “The Intelligentsia Guild.”

“Ah,” You hum, willing the sadness away from your features. This moment is about Veritas, not you. “I see. You think I should reply to them, instead?”

The shake of Veritas’s head is slow. The hand he raises to envelop over yours is warm, yet you cannot find yourself to find comfort in it. “It is… better than nothing, love.”

The sight of Veritas blurs.

And, of course, out of everything, he notices you.

"You're crying," Veritas whispers softly. He reaches over and attempts to wipe away the tears streaming down, trying to soothe you. "Am I the cause of your tears? Then, I apologize. For... for being such a failure in front of you. Nous has not deemed me enough." You hadn't realized your eyes beginning to water; a single tear brought on a waterfall.

Aeons, you want to beat him ten times over. "You're not supposed to say sorry, Veritas. I'm... I'm only so worried about you."

Veritas meets eyes with you, and knows that it's not enough to cover the defeat. The disappointment surrounding his head like clouds, blurring every aspect of himself that he thought himself to be worthy of Nous' gaze.

He looks tired; an exhaustion that drills into his bones and something far beyond you. You think he's feeling the countless hours he's poured into that weapon, the surge of ambition and dedication used to fuel his drive, and the beginning of something chipping away at him and you don't know what.

(It scares you. It scares you because Veritas shoulders too many burdens he should have given to you to share.)

"You're the best scholar I’ve ever met, Veritas,“ You tell him, pushing past the tears that line your face. ”The smartest I’ve ever seen. Have you known your intelligence was the part of you that pulled me towards you? Your genius is unparalleled, my love. There is no one else I can think of if, ever, someone asks me about the most astute person I know.“

Does he think they are empty compliments? Because Veritas merely says, “Your words are better suited to a man whose Nous’ gaze fell upon him.”

You fall silent, defeated. What are you supposed to say? Are you to tell him that Nous does not matter, when his life is centered around knowledge? What is someone to do in this situation? What is comfort to a man who has been seared beyond recognition by an Aeon whom he worships?

“It is not hopeless,” Someone speaks, and you take a moment to recognize that it is you who has spoken. “Will you let an Aeon define who you are, Veritas?”

Veritas’s eyes slip close, and his forehead rests against yours. There is nothing but your soft sniffling, the steady breathing of your lover, and the persistent ticking of the clock in his office that sounds off. It is quiet and chilling, as if waiting for some bomb to tick off to end this moment once and for all.

His eyelids flutter, reddish-pink eyes peeking through—some brightness have returned, but not enough.

Veritas replies, “I… will try not to let them define me.”

To you, that is enough.

(You know than more that he will take this moment, and let it haunt him.)

[linipik]

It is Valentine's Day and seeing all the lovey-dovey couples and everyone who is interested in any sort of dating is already with someone has Lance feeling down.

--

💌Let's play~