#3 am writing

[love-letters-i-never-sent]

[ninasdrafts]

I want to pretend this could last forever. You and me. Half-closed curtains. Sunlight filtering into the room, painting your face golden. Your eyes closed. Mine wide open, fearing that if I so much as blink you'll slip out through the door. You called me a good time and I used to think that was all there was to it. I used to think it was all I could be. To you. To anyone. But this morning is different. I blink and you're not gone. I try not to breathe too hard so I don't wake you, but after a while I understand that you won't disappear if I make a sound. Maybe I want to be more than a good time, I think. More than held back, texts left on read, cancelled weekend plans to make more room for you. For a possible you. I never know if you'll call. More than "it's not like that". Because maybe it is and for once I'm not the problem. I want to pretend this could last forever. You and me. Hearts carved half-open but souls completely guarded. The kind of feeling you give to me when we lie in the semi-darkness, not talking. Because I know that if I say something things might change. But they might change for the better. They might change in a way I wouldn't have expected. Maybe I can be more than a good time. Maybe I can be someone's all the time. Someone's forever. Maybe that someone just isn't you.

someone's all the time / n.j.

[emma-incarnate]

the infinity of 3 am...

...forever lingers beneath your skin.

[juniper-dandelion]

The first thing in the Barbie movie that stuck out to me was Weird Barbie even before she showed up on screen because of what the narrator said about how she was once the most beautiful Barbie but then she was neglected and now she spends her time taking care of others. Once she no longer looked traditionally "pretty," she was given the name "Weird Barbie" by the people who were supposed to be her friends and support her. Weird Barbie cared for all of the other Barbies who made fun of her and helped them when there was no one else who had answers. The horrifying reality of her character that she took everyone's pain and confusion away, yet everyone prematurely judged her simply because of how she looked.

[deepcrevassesofmymind]

I feel like when it’s my time to go, heaven has no choice but to cry tears of blood and start another revolution; not because I have passed but because I was another failed son of their so called father who promised a better tomorrow.

[divyachamaria]

At 21, love is a wildfire. You dance in its flames, losing yourself in its heat, believing that this fire is all there is.

But at 29, love changes. It becomes the gentle glow of dawn, a quiet, steady warmth.

It's about finding balance, learning to love yourself as fiercely as you love another, to walk alone under the moon and love it.

This love is deeper, a mirror, reflecting not just your heart, but your soul too.

[that-gum-wrapper-on-the-street]

I often wonder how alone I truly am. I know that in this moment I feel so utterly alone, like I have sunk to such depths that I have forgotten warmth or love, so much so that I could do many unforgivable things an yet I lack the "motivation". That at times, I swear I could rip all my hair out, scream my vocal cords raw and cry myself to death in a corner, like some feral animal. And yet, my suffering, my pain isn’t even mine. It isn’t unique, it isn’t "original", it’s just a repetition of the same thoughts, feelings and urges so many before me have felt and after me will feel. This should bring me comfort, to know I’m not alone, but instead it makes my hurt feel illegitimate, like i have no justification to feel this bad because "everyone else does to". In other words, my pain isn’t that deep and I should just suck it up, that I’m just weak for not being able to cope like everyone else.

[nubivaganttsstuff]

you know how much i love studying but at the same time i hate it, i enjoy the suffering that comes with it and still have mental breakdowns and cry about it, how when i am not studying i miss studying and how i just wanna stay a student forever, how i wanna stay in this little bubble for the rest of my life and do not wanna get out of my bubble and face the real world out there.

[soujjwalsays]

The night started with, 'mere mehboob qayamat hogi', but ended with 'Calm down'.

[ahemnaaaasebenyaaaa]

Once he was ready rei leand in and touched his lips to kai's softly

Then he pulled back fast when the other boy stirred and opened his eyes

"I'm not asleep you know" and rei felt his face heat up "I-I know I was just um-"

"Just say you want to kiss me "Kai said that then pulled rei and crashed their lips together

Rei felt his heart skip a beat and light headed but after a moment melted into the kiss and pushed back against the other In search for more of his lips.

Kai smiled into the kiss when rei kissed him back ,when they parted the Chinese blader was breathing heavily while Kai did not look that affected other than how his pink eyes were glowing brightly , rei couldn't bring himself to look away from the other boy "y-your eyes they're glowing"he said mesmerized then reached out his hand and cupped his face in his palm and stared deep into the lights that seemed to be dancing in the pink they were truly beautiful "am I feaking you out rei? Are you finally afraid of me " Kai whispered softly not braking eye contact with the yellow eyes

Rei looked at him then he roamed his eyes around the other's face then settled back onto his eyes "never" was all he said before softly pressing their lips together for another long soft kiss when he pulled back he said "there is no way that you could ever make me afraid of you , you're not getting rid of me that easily " kai's eyes widened a little then softened and he chuckled "wouldn't even dream of that " then he leand his head on the black haired boy's shoulder and with a murmur that rei could barely hear "don't , please don't let me drag you down with me "

Rei looked at the other then wrapped his arms around him"I would gladly go wherever you go " he said back then he felt Kai sigh then shake his head "no , it's not what you think rei, I'll break you, and it's sooner than what we both want it to be " Kai then clinged to his shirt "what do you mean? Kai? What is it?" He gently pushed Kai back to face him "tell me what's wrong "

But Kai was refusing to look at him now turning his gaze away "please"rei added then the Russian looked at him then he opened his mouth and closed it "I_ rei ... I " Kai tried talking then stopped and looked to the side again "Kai please just tell me I promise I can take it " he put his hand on kai's face and turned it towards him "can you? " Kai said but he sounded in pain like what he's thinking of is hard to say "yes" said rei still holding the other's face in his hands

"I'm dying" the Russian closed his eyes as he said that "what!! " Rei was shocked to say the least suddenly all that was happening made sense why Kai was constantly tired why he stopped acting normal why sometimes seemed paler than usual why he more than once woke up to the other vomiting in the joind bathroom why he hade those fainting episodes and lost his vision gradually

"Yes , I knew a while ago but I can't hide it anymore " Kai said and tried to pull away from rei but instead rei pulled him to his chest and said " look I

I'm sorry I love you but I'd much Rathar have something than nothing so don't try to leave me I want to spend whatever days we have left by your side and with you so please Kai let me have this otherwise you will really break me " he said in a rush and tightened his arms around the other he felt tears run down his face *god please don't take him away please * he thought as he buried his face in kai's shoulder Kai stayed silent for a while but the softly added "I love you too " and hugged the Chinese blader back

-so basically I don't know where this came from or why but I wrote it at 3am and now I want the beyfandom to suffer with me

[love-letters-i-never-sent]

we’re not friends, but we’re not enemies

we’re simply strangers with memories…

[ninasdrafts]

You saw me at my worst and still swore I was the best you've ever had. I wish I could've looked at me through your eyes.

n.j.

[sharkydrawz]

oh yeah i write stuff too i forgot to mention that anyways chapter 11 of my lavashipping book

[dontcallmeidontexist]

Please don't confuse

My attention for lust

My 3 am text

Doesn't mean "can we fuck?"

Just don't ask me

'Cause my words I can't trust

I'll give you a kiss

And I'll lie if I must

[deepcrevassesofmymind]

I stand here amongst everyone a naked man covered with nothing but sin, I stand here guilty of existing. I wanna be clean but I will never be that; I was sculpted out of sin and all things shameful. I scrub at my body as rough as I can when I shower hoping to find out I’m made of marble so I could be made into a beautiful art piece that will be admired by all. I will be better someday. Or so I hope.

[open-the-catacombs]

I want you so bad, and you say you do too.

But if that's the truth, then why is it whenever we need to fight for each other.... we just cower away in fear?

Do we just want to feel loved but are too afraid to love another and risk getting hurt?