#lucas' trauma pt 2

[jordanraye47]

Team e-scope headcanons

Eva unintentionally dresses like a f-boy. Like with all those gym clothes someone will confuse her with some mf named jason or Lucas.

Also she most definitely had short hair. Like a pixie cut or smth. Goes along with the f-boy thing.

Despite how much Noah reads, he can go to a bookstore store, buy 8 books and read like 2 of them before deciding that it’s time for a new trip.

Speaking of bookstores. Noah has taken izzy to a bookstore with him. He has never seen her read a book, or anything in fact. But it ended with her trying to recommend him books rather than her taking any books for herself.

And it’s the most random ass books known to man. She’ll come up to him and it’s like a book of algebra formulas and say like ‘did you know that i read this in middle school, yeah, it was really boring though. Except the introduction, i read that multiple times.’ idk she’s a weird girl.

Speaking of izzy. This girl can not tan for the life of her. Like she can live in spain or ecuador and only get this absurd amount of freckles. (i will reblog with a pic cause i can’t add it here for some reason [it will be the end of me i swear tumblr hates me])

Izzy js like ‘turns off’ at some points. Like not passes out, she js goes completely quiet and acts completely normal and calm for like an hour and it creeps everyone out.

She also said in total drama that she had psychosis in the total drama after math. And psychosis is a trauma developed disorder (taught from my physiologist) but literally no one knows what it came from. Like not even herself, it just came at one point according to her.

Noah definitely lets his hair grow out, mostly because without noticing himself. It’s usually his mom who cuts it but she practically drags his hair out of his scalp when she does so he tires to avoid that. Resulting in him having long ass hair. Like not as in pony tail hair but we’ve all seen his hair on total drama.

Izzy has gone to the gym with eva before but izzy does nothing but just walk around and use whatever she finds for her whatever she wants. Like she definitely somehow found monkey bars out of nowhere. (And she’s strong as fuck, we’ve seen her on TDWT she’s strong. But nobody knows how she exercises, and she refuses to tell.)

And they have a group chat i just know it. And Both noah and eva are the driest texters known to man. They will not use emojis even if their life depended on it. And i feel like izzy is either extremely dry or so dramatic all her texts turn into a greek play. She’s either like; ‘YALL GUESS WHO I FUCKING FOUND‼️’ or ‘i found a fucking dead frog and i think someone ate his hair’

pt 2

also sorry that i had too much izzy she’s my favourite 😔

[padawanlost]

just saw a text post about how leia killing a slave master when anakin was a slave himself is cool but i find it interesting how ppl can find rational things to point out for stuff like that but when its anakin disliking a sandy planet like its ridiculous thing for him to say? but made so much sense cause you know... he's been enslaved there with his mom as a kid. idk i guess im still bitter of hayden/anakins treatment of his character

I get it but I believe the key here is to understand this weird moment we are a living right now (suddenly the prequels are cool and *everyone* had always loved them) by separating the old negative crap we were used to, from the genuine takes coming from the new found love the prequels are getting.

What I’m trying to say is the people who are excited by the prequels, who are discovering the value of the movies for the first time or just rediscovering it after so long, are not necessarily the same people who trashed the movies and made fun of Anakin’s “sand issues” or Hayden’s performance. So, to me at least, there’re two different issues here:

1 – for the longest time PT fans and Anakin fans had to deal with unfair amount of criticism, hate, mockery and even attacks. These behaviors came from part of the fandom and the media because for the longest time hating on the prequels made you cool and a “real star wars fan”.

2 – we have a bunch of new fans (literal new fans but also old fans who didn’t like or didn’t want to be seen liking the prequels) who are now vocal about the PT-Era, who want to talk about it, to engage, to discuss and, you know, just share their appreciation for the movies.

I try not to mix the two, especially in this particular case. From my own experience with this fandom, the people who trashed Anakin for not liking sand didn’t understand his character enough to get the impact slavery had on the Skywalker family.

I’ve talked about the “sand issue” here before:

But, to sum it up, the meaning behind the “I hate sand” is pretty obvious once you look beyond “Anakin is whiny/The prequels suck/George Lucas ruined my life”.

“When I was in Level Three, we used to come here for school retreat,” she said. She pointed out across the way, to another island. “See that island? We used to swim there every day. I love the water.” “I do, too. I guess it comes from growing up on a desert planet.” He was staring at her again, his eyes soaking in her beauty. He could tell that Padmé sensed his stare, but she pointedly continued to look out over the water. “We used to lie on the sand and let the sun dry us … and try to guess the names of the birds singing.” “I don’t like the sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere.” Padmé turned to look back at him “Not here,” Anakin went on. “It’s like that on Tatooine—everything’s like that on Tatooine. But here, everything’s soft, and smooth.” As he finished, hardly even aware of the motion, he reached out and stroked Padmé’s arm. [R.A. Salvatore. Attack of the Clones]

It’s about childhood trauma, privilege and systemic injustice and inequality. The sand physically represents everything Anakin loathes about his home planet, specially when compared to Padmé’s own childhood and home planet:

“This is Anakin. Anakin, this is Ryoo and Pooja!” The blush on the pair as they shyly said hello brought a burst of laughter from Padmé and a smile to Anakin’s face, though he was equally ill at ease as the two children. The girls’ shyness lasted only as long as it took for them to notice the little droid rolling behind Anakin, trying to catch up. “Artoo!” they shouted in unison. Breaking away from Padmé, they rushed to the droid, leaping upon him, hugging him cheek to dome. And R2-D2 seemed equally thrilled, beeping and whistling as happily as Anakin had ever heard. Anakin couldn’t help but be touched by the scene, a view of innocence that he had never known. Well, not never, he had to admit. There were times when Shmi had found some way to produce such moments of joy amid the drudgery that was life as a slave on Tatooine. In their own way, in that dusty, dirty, hot, and smelly place, Anakin and his mother had carved out a few instants of innocent beauty. Here, though, such moments seemed so much more the norm than the memorable exception. [R.A. Salvatore. Attack of the Clones]

[Ahsoka] was hyperalert again, all her instincts firing. One of these millennia she’d make a pretty good Jedi, probably. Provided he could smooth the rough edges off her. “Yes, Master,” she said. “You can trust me.” He frowned down at her. Was I ever this young? Was this how I used to look to Obi-Wan? He doubted it. Slaves lost their innocence while they were still in the cradle. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Wild Space]

Of course, because it became a meme used to “expose” George Lucas inability to write, direct or even understand what Star Wars is all about (eyeroll), that’s what most casual viewer think about when someone says “I hate sand”. But, on a more hopeful note, I do believe we’re doing good work claiming it back, by talking about it and even making memes about it in a way that’s not offensive to the characters, actors or fans. There are healthy, fun ways to laugh at Star wars  without diminishing the experiences and feelings of others.

Anakin represents so much different things to so many different fans it’s impossible to put everything in one single answer, but I hope you know I do understand exactly how you feel. I’m also very protective of Anakin, flaws and all. And it does annoy me to see people dismiss him and Hayden’s work in ways that can be very…cruel. But, Prequel/Anakin’s fans are awesome and now we’ve reclaimed the prequels proper place in history as peak star wars, we are unstoppable!! So let them come!

They just can’t accept how incredible Anakin’s story is, and that’s their loss.  

“Anakin had always hated sand. It was one of the many things about his Padawan that Obi-Wan understood better now that Anakin was dead. That was the horror of losing someone: Understanding came too late.” [Obi-wan Kenobi in Jude Watson’s The Last One Standing]

[satelliteddie]

you can let it go (matilda) - s.h.

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader (ft. the kids!)

summary: steve struggles to acknowledge his found family when his biological family is so disjointed

content warnings: absent parental figures, suppressed trauma, shitty family lives, found family

word count: 4.7k

author’s notes: okay so hear me out, in this fic everyone is okay and S4 pt. 2 just did not happen the way it did….let them all be alive and healthy, okay???? also: steve finally has the cry of the century…. But he's earned it.

You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal"

And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels

Nothing about the way that you were treated ever seemed especially alarming 'til now

So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal

Even if you paid him, Steve would still not be able to tell you who taught him how to ride a bike. He was pretty sure it was his mother… He thinks so. Although it could have been some distant relative at a family party years ago; however, the last time the Harrington’s had one of those Steve was under the age of ten. So remembering who taught him how to ride a bicycle was a long gone memory. As Max glides by on her small skateboard, Steve wonders who taught her how to skate. Did they make her wear a helmet? Did she have someone to hold her up? Did she ever fall so hard the wind got knocked out of her? Max dips into the Harrington’s drained pool and attempts some trick Steve can never remember the name of. He holds his breath the entire time Max is on the board, worried about every turn she takes. Steve shakes his head at the sound of your voice from the back door, “C’mon all of you! Inside! I’m starting the movie with or without you!”

Steve stands from the lounge chair near the edge of the empty pool, his eyes still lingering on Max. She kicks up the end of her skateboard and catches Steve’s eyes, “you okay?” Steve offers Max a small smile and nod which Max in no way believes, but she continues into the house pulling Lucas and Eleven with her. Dustin, Mike and Will are not far behind, arguing over whether or not Eddie would let Will into Hellfire next week (Dustin swears he would, but Mike isn’t convinced….Steve knows Dustin’s right, but keeps that to himself). Steve watches all of them pile into his house with you ruffling their hair as they pass you. You turn your head to him, tilting it as you watch Steve. He still stands next to the lounge chair, just staring off into the house. You step outside and shut the door behind you, quickly you walk across the backyard to meet Steve by the pool. When you approach, his eyes flick back to meet you as he blinks away his thoughts.

“What’s on your mind, baby?” Your hand rubs his forearms that remain at his side.

“I- uh, nothing. Nothing. I’m fine,” Steve shakes his head, his words jumbled in a laugh. “I’m fine.” He brings his arms up to wrap them around your shoulders, pulling you to his chest. Steve rests his chin on the top of your head momentarily before he turns his face down to press a kiss to your hair.

“You don’t have to be fine all the time, Steve.” You mumble into his chest, but Steve doesn’t respond, he only holds you tighter. You inhale his scent, rubbing your hands up and down his back. His muscles release their tension under your touch, and Steve wishes he could stay here forever. “Steve,” you pull your head back to look directly at him. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“It’s no big deal, honest.” He pulls his right hand to place it between you, his pinky lifted in the air. “I promise.”

You shake your head at him, giggles leaving your lips. You loop your hand around to meet your pinky with his. Steve links your fingers together and brings the jointed hands to his mouth. He presses several kisses on the back of your hand, flashing a smile in your direction. It’s not a Steve smile that you’re used to; it’s a forced smile to try to comfort you. It doesn’t reach his eyes, light up his whole face, or even create a dimple in his cheek. It’s just a fake smile to try to get you to stop worrying about him…which worries you even more.

“C’mon,” Steve releases your pinky and brushes your hair behind your ear. “The kids are waiting.”

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

And not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up

The living room is covered with empty chip bags, crushed soda cans, and extremely sleepy preteens. Dustin, Mike, Will and Lucas have taken the floor, spreading their limbs across two open sleeping bags and countless blankets. Max and El lay on opposite ends of the couch, their legs tossed over each other. Steve watched over them all with kind eyes, his mind racing with more ideas on how to make them comfortable at his house. He leans his head against the recliner, watching as you open one last blanket and lay it over Eleven. The kids slowly fell asleep at different times during the movie, all of them completely exhausted from school and fighting monsters constantly…but here? Here they’re safe, comfortable, and happy. Steve makes sure of it. After setting the blanket down, you carefully step around Dustin on the floor to reach Steve. You lean down and place a kiss on his forehead, “let’s go to bed”. Steve glances around to take another headcount of the little ones. Henderson, Sinclair, Wheeler, Byers, El, and Max. “They’re all here,” you smile down at him. You squat down to meet his eyes, “they’re safe. We’re still going to be here, but you deserve to sleep in your bed. Not in a chair.” Steve reluctantly nods, knowing you’re right and stands up from the recliner quietly. He steps over all of the kids and counts them all once more before following you upstairs.

[Steve], you talk of the pain like it's all alright

But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside

You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days

It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind

Steve leans against the sink as he brushes his teeth, watching you intently through the mirror. You comb your hair with your fingers, humming along to the theme song from the movie you just watched. Standing here, in his shirt, Steve feels his heart swell watching you do the most normal things. He’s so head over heels in love with you that anything and everything you do is the most interesting thing he’s seen all day. You feel his stare and you look up at him through the bathroom mirror. You offer him a small smile, which he returns (the toothbrush still hanging from his mouth). Steve leans down, turning the water back on to rinse his mouth and toss the toothbrush aside. You step forward, wrapping your arms around his waist, pressing your cheek to his bicep. You turn to kiss his arm, looking at him again in the mirror, but he’s already looking down at you. “I love you,” Steve mumbles, his eyes scanning over every feature on your face. You tilt your chin up to him as he leans down to kiss your mouth. Steve sighs in the kiss, relief and love literally pouring out of him. You pull away from his mouth with a smile that consumes your features, “I love you more”. He still only offers you a sweet (but forced) smile. Running a hand down his arm, you link your hand with Steve’s and pull him out of the bathroom and to his bedroom.

The bedside lamp is the only light on in the room, the small light barely illuminating the walls. Steve shuffles around to his side of the bed, pulling his shirt over his head and leaving it somewhere on the carpet. You crawl under the covers on your side just as Steve does the same on his. You open your arms, inviting Steve into them and he wastes no time to press his body to yours. You lay on your back, left arm tucked under Steve’s body as his chest is pressed to yours. Your right hand runs over his shoulder blades and down his back, humming peacefully. Steve is still admiring you as he rests his chin on your ribs, but you can tell his mind isn’t here. You move your hand from his back and trace your fingers over his cheeks to rest your hand on his jaw. “Steve,” you whisper, moving your thumb over his skin. He blinks and averts his attention back to you. “Where’d you just go?”

“Nowhere,” he glances down. “I’m here with you.”

“No you’re not. You’ve been lost all night,” you frown at him. “Did something happen?” You ask, still moving your thumb across his jaw.

“No, no,” his worry comes across in his words. “I just, I was thinking about my parents tonight.”

“Did they call?” You ask and Steve sarcastically laughs at your innocence.

“No baby,” he takes his left hand to smooth out the frown lines between your eyebrows. “They never call.”

“I’m sorry,” you trace his jaw into his hairline, massaging his neck gently.

“It’s not your fault. Hell, if I didn’t have you I don’t know what I’d do,” Steve confesses. “They’re just so,” he groans. “They’re so shitty. I nearly died, several times, last year and they didn’t even notice.” His eyes are glossy, but he shakes his head trying to suppress the tears. Steve moves his face away from yours again, because he’s positive if he looks at you again he’ll break. Steve lays his head down, resting his cheek on your chest; you keep your hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck. Releasing a deep sigh, you lean up just enough to kiss Steve’s forehead. He glances up at you through his thick eyelashes, his hazel eyes watery. “Steve, you deserve better than them. I’m so sorry,” you whisper against his skin.

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

And not invite your family, 'cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up

Your words hang in the air for just a second before you hear Steve sniffle against your chest. Turning your head you try to look directly at him, but he hides his face even further into you. You feel your shirt slowly getting wetter as if raindrops had splashed onto it. “Steve,” you try to move his face away so you can see him. “Baby?”

“I’m so— fuck. I’m so sorry,” Steve sits up and off of you quickly. Steve clumsily moves himself to lean against the headboard; he wipes his hands over his face trying to hide his tears from you. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t get them to stop falling. “You shouldn’t have to see me like this,” he hiccups in between rubbing his eyes. You pull yourself up and reach out to pull his hands away from his face. The tears still run down his face, his cheeks are flushed and his chest is tense. You swipe your thumbs under his eyes gently, catching any more tears; keeping your hands on his cheeks, you tilt his face up so he looks directly at you. “You don’t have to be sorry. Don’t ever apologize,” you whisper. “I’m here, Steve. Stop trying to hold onto all of it. You can let it go.”

This breaks him. Steve’s head swirls from your words and the floodgates open before he’s even given them permission. A sob wrecks its way out of his chest, Steve bends his neck curling into himself as he cries. You wrap your arms around his arm, resting a soft cheek on his shoulder. Steve has no control of his emotions anymore, he’s lost all awareness of how to stop his tears. He wants to scream and curse at the top of his lungs, not just about his parents… but about everything. His mind is one big mess and it has been for years. Steve worries he’s scaring you, but when he blinks away his tears just for a moment he’s relieved. You’re still curled up next to him, arms linked as you press kisses to his shoulder repeatedly. He hears you murmur: “it’s okay” and “I’ve got you” in between kisses. Steve runs his hands over his face once more before holding onto your head. His fingers smooth out your hair at the crown of your head. You tilt your chin up to him as you climb in front of him. Steve immediately pulls you into his chest, needing nothing more than to hold you. You wrap your arms around his torso as he slides down onto his pillow. Both of your limbs have tangled in one another as you lay on the bed. Silent tears still flow down Steve’s cheeks, splashing onto the sheets. No words are exchanged between the two of you, but it’s all that Steve needs. An occasional sob builds up in his chest every few minutes and you let him release it without judgment. You stroke your hand over his chest pressing kisses to any part of him that you can. Steve pulls in a deep breath and tries to level out his breathing, but fails. You frown as you watch his face crumble again under his emotions. Steve turns away from you, giving you his back trying to hide himself again. He’s beyond embarrassed that he’s fallen apart like this in front of you. Steve doesn’t even cry when he’s alone, but he’s just too exhausted to hold it in anymore. Steve has always had a rough home life with his parents, tonight was just the final straw that broke him. Seeing the kids in his house and caring for them so much makes him wonder how his parents could be so clueless. His parents always treated him as another one of their responsibilities on a check list, never a living breathing son who just wanted their affection. “Steve,” you place a soft hand on his back. Your fingers hold his shoulder as you turn him to face you. Again, you find yourself wiping away his tears as he cries. You run your fingers through his hair and place his head on your chest; Steve grips your shirt desperate to get his sobs to stop coming. “I got you,” you hold him as close to you as you possibly can.

You can see the world, following the seasons

Anywhere you go, you don't need a reason

Cause they never showed you love

You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own

Steve’s cries have subsided, but he still clings to you like you’re the only thing keeping him here– which Steve is convinced you might be. Steve lifts his head from your shirt, now saturated in his tears, and he nuzzles his face into your neck. “Thank you,” Steve whispers against your skin. You brush your hand over the back of his head. Steve lifts his face again, his eyes flicking down to your lips momentarily before he leans down. His soft mouth melts into yours effortlessly. His skin and lips are sticky from dried tears; his mouth tastes like mint as he sucks your bottom lip. Steve releases it carefully before he places one more kiss on your mouth. He trails his lips over your face which causes you to giggle as his stubble ghosts your skin. Steve cocks his head at you with a raised eyebrow. “It tickles,” you grin, your fingers scratching over his slight facial hair. Steve smiles slightly, kissing the inside of your palm near his cheeks. He sighs and leans down again, “thank you for being here.”

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be,” you tell him. Every fiber of your being means every word.

“Nowhere else?” Steve tilts his head in disbelief. “You wouldn’t rather be in, I don’t know Europe? Australia? California?”

“Are you going to be with me?” You ask, your fingers finding their place in his hair again.

“Of course,” Steve smiles. This time it’s almost a classic Steve smile; the creases in his cheeks appear and his eyes crinkle slightly, but it’s not a full Steve-smile yet.

“Then it doesn’t matter where we are. As long as you’re with me,” you brush a stray curl away from his forehead. “We can see the world.”

“Yeah?” Steve’s eyes scan your features. He needs this to be true.

“Yeah,” you trace shapes onto the skin of his arms. “We could follow the seasons, see them in different places. Soon the kids will be all grown up and they won’t need us. We can go anywhere, we don’t need a reason.”

“I would hate to leave them,” Steve admits. “But I know I don’t have to be sorry for doing it on my own.”

“You won’t be leaving them. You’d be doing what is best for you. You’ve earned that.” Steve nods in agreement as he leans down to kiss you again.

You're just in time, make your tea and your toast

You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes, ooh

You don't have to go, you don't have to go home

Oh, there's a long way to go

I don't believe that time will change your mind

In other words… I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go

The sun rises slowly, its rays breaking through Steve’s windows. He groans as the light pours into his room causing him to stir in his sleep. Steve tosses an arm over you, pulling you to his chest again. Even in a deep sleep, you sigh happily as your bodies tangle together. Steve presses a sleepy kiss to your temple while closing his eyes and taking in your scent. You smell like vanilla, honey, and home. Steve can’t help but continue to pepper kisses across your hairline. You turn in his arms to face him as you fully wake up. Rubbing your eyes, you blink up at Steve, “morning handsome.”

Steve groans, his eyes still shut but his lips still tracing your face. “I don’t want to get up,” he mumbles.

You run a gentle finger over his features; his cheeks are soft and imprinted with marks from the sheet, his lips are as perfect as ever, but his eyes are puffy and look like they would burn when opened. You frown as you tilt Steve’s head down to meet yours. You press featherlight kisses to both of his eyelids, Steve’s hands grip your sides even tighter as you kiss them. He blinks slowly as you back away from his face, his hazel eyes squinting in a small smile. “Do we have to leave this bed? Can't we just stay here?” Steve asks before shutting his eyes again and flopping over to lay on top of you. You wrap your arms around him, loving how his weight feels on you. It’s like a security blanket.

“We could, but we have 6 always-hungry teens downstairs right now. I should work on making them breakfast,” you sigh. Steve leans up and brushes your hair from your face.

“You’re too nice to them,” Steve whispers. “They can fend for themselves and make cereal.”

“Oh really?” You raise an eyebrow at him, “who invited them to a movie night and sleepover at their house?? Mm?”

“I don’t remember,” Steve mumbles, a blush covering his cheeks. You playfully roll your eyes at him and slide out from under his weight. Standing from the bed, you grab one of Steve’s sweatshirts from his closet while Steve throws on a tee shirt and sweatpants. Steve presses one last kiss to your head before the two of you leave the room. You’re only a few feet outside of Steve’s room when you hear whisper-yelling from downstairs. “Shh!” Max’s voice carries through the house, “you’re going to wake them before we’re ready.”

“Who cares, they have to get up anyway.” Mike responds.

“Mike,” El warns and you can only imagine the glare she shoots at him. Steve turns to you with curious eyes, his eyebrows furrowed as he listens to their conversation.

“Where does he keep the syrup if it’s not in the cabinet?” Dustin asks, “Jesus Chr- it’s in the fridge? That’s a crime.”

You giggle in agreement with Dustin and Steve narrows his eyes at you. “It’s better that way,” Steve mumbles as he takes your hand. The two of you step downstairs and peer into the kitchen. The long, wooden dining table is covered in all sorts of breakfast materials. Eight plates are placed along the edges of the table with utensils and cups. There’s a stack of toast in the center of the table with an entire stick of butter melting next to it. Steve is convinced the kids toasted a whole loaf of bread, but he doesn’t mind. His eyes scan over the kitchen to find the kids all focused on the task at hand. Max is flipping pancakes on the stove top, with Eleven holding a plate for her to drop them onto. Lucas and Will are focused on how to work the coffee machine; both of their faces scrunched up in confusion as they stare at all of the buttons. Leaving Mike and Dustin to dig through the cabinets for syrups, seasonings, and other dishes. You and Steve stand next to one another as you watch the scene unfold before you; neither of you know what to say or why the kids decided to make breakfast. They’ve never attempted anything like this before on the multiple movie nights they’ve had. Steve’s eyes race all around the room, he tries not to intervene when he thinks Max is too close to the stove. You rub your thumb over his hand and give him a small nod. Steve steps fully into the kitchen causing the titles to creak under his weight. Dustin is the first to notice your entrance, giving you a wide-toothy grin. The girls turn around next, but Max is the first to talk:

“Hey, you’re just in time!” She smiles gently, flipping a pancake in the pan in front of her. “We’re making you breakfast. Make your tea or coffee, whichever you want. Oh! And your toast!”

Steve feels his chest begin to swell again and his eyes are heavy. He’s overwhelmed with this feeling of home and family. He can only imagine what it would be like to have a real family of his own. Will my kids make me breakfast like this? He wonders as he sits at the dining table. Would they do it for Fathers Day? Christmas? Thanksgiving? His brain races as he watches the kids finish each of their tasks before taking seats at the table.

“Go,” Eleven offers a stack of pancakes. “Eat!”

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

You can start a family who will always show you love

You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own

You can let it go

You can throw a party full of everyone you know

You can start a family who will always show you love

You don't have to be sorry, no

Everyone devours their breakfast as you all sit around the large kitchen table. Dustin and Steve argue over whether or not pancakes or waffles are better, which divides the table. Steve, Eleven, Mike, and Will are team waffles; leaving you, Dustin, Lucas, and Max on team pancakes. Max nudges your shoulder as the boys continue to bicker about breakfast foods. Her eyes scan over Steve who sits next to you at the end of the table. “Is he okay?” She whispers, “I worry about him.”

“Me too,” you reply with a frown. “I think he’s okay now, but we’ll all be here if he isn’t.”

“He’s lucky to have you— I mean we all are lucky to have you,” Max smiles. “I just wanted to help him,” she glances around the table. Empty plates and sticky syrup coat the table top, leftover toast and pancakes still in the center. “My mom always made me breakfast when I wasn’t feeling the best and I thought it might help him. I could tell he just wasn’t right yesterday,” she pushes around a strip of bacon on her plate. “He just kept looking at me like I was going to, I don’t know—”

“Disappear?”

“Yeah,” Max nods. “He’s good. We can’t let this place ruin him. We’re his family now—”

“Henderson, I don’t know what is so hard to understand!” Steve interrupts. “Waffles hold the syrup. That’s the point of the hole-things!”

“Hole-things? Seriously,” Dustin rolls his eyes. “Can you talk some sense into your boyfriend please,” Dustin asks you, waving a flippant hand at Steve. Steve lays a hand on your thigh, rubbing his thumb over your soft skin. He smiles at you quickly before you speak up, “Dustin, I’ve tried. He’s helpless when it comes to his breakfast opinions. First cold syrup—”

“Jesus Christ, I forgot about the syrup!”

-✩-

The dishes pile up in the sink, but Steve doesn’t care. He lets all of the kids toss their plates and forks aside so they can leave for whatever they have planned. You stand close to Steve as he watches each of them leave on bikes (and skateboards). Steve’s arm snakes around your waist, pulling your back to his chest as he rests his chin on your head. You lean into him fully, feeling completely content. Max turns to you and gives you a gentle smile, “Thanks for having us, Steve.”

“Anytime,” Steve calls out to her. “Thanks for breakfast!”

“Anytime,” she says before pushing off on her skateboard to follow the others. You watch as she catches up to the boys on their bikes before the group disappears over the hill. You and Steve still stand on the front steps, Steve presses a kiss to your temple.

“Feeling better?” You ask, trying not to pry. Steve mumbles in your hair and turns you to face him. You reach up and brush a fallen strand of hair from his forehead, and then run your hand down to rest on his jaw. He leans into your palm before kissing your hand. “Much better,” he whispers. Steve glances over your shoulder to where the kids had just disappeared. “I’m glad they were here. Those little shits are the closest thing I have to a real family.”

“They are family, Steve,” you tilt his focus back to you. “As dysfunctional and crazy as they are….they’re a family who will always show you love.” Steve’s eyes scan over your face before he brings his mouth down to yours. The kiss lasts for only a second before Steve breaks away in a full smile. A Steve smile. His eyes are crinkled, a blush keeps onto his cheeks and his perfect lips are pulled into a grin. You smirk back at him, your heart swelling from seeing a real smile from Steve after so long. Steve’s hands find your waist again as he rests his forehead on yours, “thank you.”

You know there’s no need to thank you, but you nod anyway. Steve pulls away from you to look right into your eyes, “so you’re really team pancakes, huh?”

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

i love domestic!steve, when is it MY turn! apologies for any errors but I uploaded this from my phone bc I’m on vacation okay byeeee

next in the series: “cinema” - s.h. x reader

✭ masterlist  ✭ requests 

-meg

[willthecleric]

I posted 7,331 times in 2022

That's 1,496 more posts than 2021!

392 posts created (5%)

6,939 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@thebrokengate

@beepboop358

@foahchoseme

@kaypeace21

I tagged 7,262 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#byler - 2,504 posts

#st4 spoilers - 332 posts

#byler is endgame - 287 posts

#thanks for the ask :) - 257 posts

#i love this - 126 posts

#boosting - 85 posts

#exactly - 77 posts

#lmao - 69 posts

#milkdud is bones 💀 - 63 posts

#i love them - 56 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#thinking about a milkvan post that came up on my feed like ‘when will bylers realize that not every mike/el scene is about will 🙄’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Will will ALWAYS be in love with Mike. Ripping off the bandaid is NOT about Will deciding to just fall out of love with Mike. Mike is the love of Will’s life. This isn’t a crush. He’s not going to meet a cute boy in S5 and forget Mike. And no there are not going to be any new characters in S5.

People who don’t see this are missing the whole point.

369 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

#4

Stranger Things really is out there making the two best ships a gay pairing and an interracial pairing when it’s the 80s.

377 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#3

How come no one is talking about how Mike projected Will onto Eddie? It really IS hard for Mike without Will, and Eddie has some similarities with Will (alternative music taste, dramatic about D&D, befriending him the first day of school). Not to mention that Eddie heads the D&D club which is heavily connected to Byler. They even made a loose parallel connecting to Will to show this.

Eddie isn’t Mike’s gay awakening, he’s just Mike projecting to cope like how he projected on El since S1.

407 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

#2

I’m almost positive Will gets cursed by Vecna and Mike saves him.

-Noah apparently has a pic where he wore a harness. I have no idea why he’d be wearing one unless he levitates at some point

-he has a poster in his room of a song by THE CURE (this I think is foreshadowing like how Max was listening to Running Up That Hill earlier in the season)

-Finn said Mike really kicks into gear when someone he loves is in danger

-every season Mike almost loses Will

-it would fit with Mike’s emotional monologue at the end of S4

-Will was already targeted by the MF and in S1 he was hunted by the demogorgon

-when Will was possessed his eyes rolled back and he looked like Max did in her trance

-it was pointed out to me that Will calling for Mike in S2 parallels Max calling for Lucas and Dustin

-during the shed scene Jon played music for Will (it didn’t work and was the wrong song but interesting 👀)

-Mike was the one who broke through to Will - with an emotional monologue

-might be a reach but Will has merchandise where he taps his watch and they have highlighted Byler having matching watches. I wonder who is associated with clocks… oh, right it’s Vecna

-Mike said he thought he lost Will and Lucas saying that he thought they lost Max - Byler and Lumax paralleled in S4 (my Lumax shipper heart is revived and thriving)

-there is apparently a lot of Byler in S4 and the Cali plot has been really kept under wraps. I think most is addressed in Pt 2 and it really starts going down as soon as they are back in Hawkins. Will has a lot of pain and trauma and has been targeted before, Vecna would jump on him so fast

There are probably even more things I’ve missed.

619 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Not over the fact that Will’s first word to Mike was ‘yes’ and El’s first word to Mike was ‘no’.

The Duffers were insane for this.

2,444 notes - Posted July 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[miafic]

hi we are doing in-depth sexual assault discussion today and if that is not your thing, this is not your story. 

one ~ two ~ three four ~ five ~ six ~ seven

---

“Hey, baby,” Zakk greeted as he walked up to Lucas’ chair and hugged him from behind. 

Lucas turned his head to kiss him. “Hi.” 

“How did your first session go?” 

“It was good,” Lucas replied truthfully. “She’s really smart. And she’s no-nonsense, which is what I need.” 

Zakk smiled. “Awesome!” 

“Yeah. Um, I have homework,” he said, motioning to the piece of paper in front of him. 

Zakk nodded, eyebrows raised. 

“I have to make a list of all my responsibilities at Peace and Purpose and then make a list of everybody else’s responsibilities. The staff, I mean.” 

“Yeah.” 

“She had me start making it there, and when she saw how disproportionate it was, she said I need to hand some stuff off.” 

Zakk took Lucas’ face in his hands. He leaned down so that their eyes were level. “What,” he began softly, “have I been telling you for years and years? Hmm?” 

Lucas looked away, but Zakk kissed his forehead. 

“I’m glad you’re finally listening to somebody. “ 

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if anything’s gonna get moved.” 

“Can I see?” 

Lucas slid the page over a few inches. 

Zakk studied it. “Emails and paperwork you can keep,” he joked, tapping on the first two items, and Lucas chuckled tiredly. Zakk scanned the entire list and said, “Literally anything on here, I’m willing to do. Any of it.” 

“Hmm,” Lucas said shortly. 

“What can you let go of?” 

“She wants me to pick five things.” 

“Good. What can you let go of?” he repeated. 

Silence. 

Zakk pointed at the meal schedules line and suggested, “I can do this and make the grocery list since I’m already the one shopping. I can do the kitchen job lists, too; you can let me handle all the food stuff. Tell me what you want to eat and if you want any of the boys doing specific jobs, and I’ll make the lists and the schedule.” 

“What if it’s not how I want it?” Lucas asked, voice tense. 

“Then you say, ‘I want tacos on Friday night,’ and I’ll make it happen. But a lot of the time, I’ll just tell you what we’re having, and you’ll say, ‘Okay,’ and then you’ll eat it. And you won’t even have to think about it - you can just show up. You’ll be like one of the kids!” 

“No.” 

“No?” 

Lucas shook his head. “We’re not doing that.” 

“Okay, then...” He kept reading. “Why don’t you let me deal with payroll? I can handle that.”

“No, Zakk.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because. It’s really important.” 

Zakk motioned to the list. “It’s all really important. And you’re trying to do all of it at once.”

“I’m not trying to do it. I’m doing it.” 

“Please let me help. Look, driving! I can drive. I have a state-issued license and everything. It has my picture on it.” 

“No. I like driving.” 

“I know, but maybe sometimes I can have a turn. What if you take two of the kids to therapy, and I take two of the kids? Then it’s even. 50/50.” 

“No, Zakk.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because I drive to appointments.” 

“But I could take it off your plate! Just because you always have doesn’t-”

“Stop arguing with me,” Lucas warned. 

“-mean that you always have to. I’m just as capable of driving as you are. And I really don’t mind sitting in a waiting room. I know you think I hate it, but I don’t care. I can entertain myself.”

“It’s not about that,” he sighed exasperatedly.  

“Then what’s it about?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Then let me do it.” 

“No!” Lucas spat, and he slammed his hand onto the counter, making Zakk jump. “You’re not taking them to appointments! I have to do that! Take whatever else you want, but not that one!” 

Zakk was looking at Lucas with wide eyes. After a moment, it registered with Lucas that it was fear on Zakk’s face. Zakk was... afraid of him? 

Without a word, Lucas got up and stalked toward the staircase. “Ruining your life, you’re ruining your life,” Lucas muttered urgently to himself. Zakk didn’t follow him, and again, he was glad. He was headed for the walk-in closet so he could shut himself inside someplace quiet and take a few minutes to calm down, but halfway between the door of the bedroom and the door of the closet, Lucas found himself sinking down to the floor. He sat there, hands pressed into the carpet, rocking slowly back and forth and trying to keep everything inside. 

“Stop it, just stop it, stop,” he whispered. “Stop, stop, it’s fine, it was a long time ago...” But the hot tears had already welled up and were threatening to spill over, and Lucas couldn’t breathe, not all the way. Everything felt awful - the tears and the desperation and the regret and the physical pressure in his chest. 

And that’s when Zakk opened the door. 

“Lucas?” he called. Then - “Oh! Oh, hey... Hey... Are you crying?” 

And then Zakk was beside him on the ground, and apologies were spilling desperately from Lucas’ mouth, and Zakk was soothing him, brushing a hand from his forehead up over the crown of his head over and over and over again. 

“I can’t give up driving them to the appointments,” Lucas managed to say, his chest tight. “It has to be me.”

“Why?” 

“Because I have to be there for them. If something happens, I have to-” He pulled in a big breath- “be there, I have to be there. It has to be me.” 

“Why?” Zakk repeated. 

The answer came in a whisper. “Because I know what it feels like.” 

Lucas hated the silence that hung in the room. Zakk probably didn’t know what to say, but neither did Lucas. 

He pulled away, crawled a few feet out of Zakk’s reach, and forced himself to keep talking. “I’m going to tell you now, okay? What I’ve been... not saying. Things will make more sense.”

Zakk moved so that he was cross-legged, and then he swallowed. “I’m ready.” 

“Okay. I’m just gonna start talking.”

Zakk nodded.

“When I was in high school, my mom changed jobs, so we changed insurance companies. And we switched doctors.” Lucas’ voice was dull, as though he were reciting something that someone else had written. “My brother and sister were adults and already out of the house, and I was fourteen, so it was just me that went. I had to get a physical in the spring to be able to go to summer football practice. I was going to be a sophomore in the fall, and I thought for some reason that since I wasn’t a freshman anymore, I was going to get a decent chunk of playing time.” 

Zakk smiled a little, and Lucas saw it out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn’t feel it. 

“I was really excited to get my physical so I could get going. And I was right to be, because that was the summer that I met Chance.” He paused for several seconds before continuing. “Everything at the appointment was fine, but toward the end, my doctor - who was this guy probably in his 50s - asked if I’d ever had a-” 

Lucas suddenly stopped talking. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt small.

“You’re doing great,” Zakk encouraged softly. 

Lucas nodded. “Um, he asked if I’d had a ‘genital exam,’ he called it. At my last doctor’s office, I mean. Like, he was asking if I’d had one before, and I’d gotten the paper where they tell you how to check yourself for cancer, but not anything more than that. So I kind of laughed and said no, because for some reason I thought he was kidding. And he looked surprised and said that there were some things that I needed to look at, and that they should have started doing them when I turned twelve.” 

Lucas wanted to look at Zakk, but he was too afraid. And he knew that if he stopped talking, he wouldn’t be able to start again, so he forced himself to keep going. “The way he explained it made sense,” Lucas said, his voice still emotionless but barely above a whisper, “so I let him touch me. And like I said, I was fourteen, so I got hard immediately. And he started, um.” 

Lucas’ heart was pounding. He could hear his pulse in his ears, feel it in his fingertips. 

“He started saying stuff like, ‘Excellent,’ and calling me, um... ‘nice little boy.’ And even then, I thought the ‘nice little boy’ thing was weird, but I just went along with it because I thought he was trying to make me more comfortable, I guess.” Lucas paused momentarily to deal silently with the flood of memories that were pouring back in. When he was ready, he continued. 

“He never touched himself. I think that’s another reason I believed him so much. He was very professional - wore gloves and everything and seemed like he was kind of prodding around at first, and even now, I think he actually was. But when it seemed like he’d finished with that, instead of stopping, he started jerking me off. And I reacted - I kind of sat up and looked at him like, ‘what the hell,’ you know? But he said he just needed to make sure that everything ‘worked.’” Lucas shook his head in disgust. 

“Of course, I didn’t last long at all, but he still seemed kind of happy. Pleased with me, I guess. But still very professional. After I finished, he threw his gloves away and made some notes on my chart - which I would love to read, by the way. I have no idea what he wrote. Um, but that was it. The only thing looking back that I realized was off was that he told me a couple times to stay quiet. He said it was because it was a pediatrician’s office and there were little kids around, but now...” 

Lucas fell silent. 

“Lucas, I am... so sorry,” Zakk said in a hushed tone. 

He chuckled emptily. “I’m not done. That was when I was fourteen. I stayed at that practice with that doctor until I turned eighteen.” 

“Oh, Lucas...” 

“By the end of it, I was kind of looking forward to going to my appointments, you know? Because I knew I’d be able to get off or whatever.” He scoffed. “Into a fucking tissue, just like my brother said.” Lucas blinked. “The doctor kept the tissues. I forgot...” 

“What?” Zakk asked, horror clear in his voice. 

“Yeah, he put them in little sample containers and wrote my name on them. Wow. I forgot all about that. I wonder what he did with those.” 

“Lucas,” Zakk whispered. 

He shook his head. “It’s fine. It was a long time ago. Anyway, senior year, I had to leave early one day to go see that doctor, and I told Chance during break that I was leaving. It was just me and him, and we were sitting at the football field like we always did, and I said something like, ‘I have a love/hate relationship with going to the doctor.’ And he asked why, so I said, ‘The part where they jerk you off is so good but so awkward.’ I’ll never forget the look on his face.”

Zakk let out a shaky breath. 

“He obviously knew that something was wrong, and for years, his reaction was the only solid clue I had that the discomfort I felt was justified. The doctor made so much sense when he explained it, you know? He made it feel necessary, and he re-explained it in full every time. It wasn’t until I was almost done with my undergrad degree that I figured it out. I was in a gen ed health class, and we were having a totally uncensored sex ed talk, and whoever was speaking talked about, like, what GPs do at an appointment as far as sexual health. Guys in the room were talking about their personal experiences with prostate exams and getting erections in front of nurses and stuff, and I almost raised my hand and said, ‘Well, my doctor jerked me off once or twice every year,’ but something stopped me, and I’m so glad it did.” 

Lucas looked in Zakk’s general direction. “Sometimes I think I always knew it was wrong, and sometimes I think I had no idea. Maybe it’s both.” He shrugged. “But that’s why I take the kids everywhere they need to go. I know I’m not in there with them, so I can’t see what’s happening, but I like to think that me being there gives me some control. Like maybe people who would hurt them otherwise won’t if they see me. And I hope that if something does happen, they’ll tell me, because I don’t want them to go through the confusion that I did-” 

His voice broke. Zakk immediately slid nearer to him but didn’t touch him. 

“I’m still confused,” Lucas confessed. “It’s been twenty years, and I still don’t really understand. I just - I wish that I had reported it to somebody who could have stopped it. Because when I think about all the other kids that he must have manipulated and lied to and hurt...” His teeth clenched. “I tried to find him online a couple years ago, and I couldn’t, which hopefully means that he got busted. I hope he lost his license.” 

“I hope he lost everything,” Zakk stated gravely.  

Finally, Lucas met Zakk’s eyes. They shared a long look in silence. 

“I’m sorry again for flipping out earlier,” Lucas said eventually. “I know I’ve been acting crazy for a long time, and I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I know I’ve been awful.” 

Zakk nodded. “Well, now I understand why it was happening, so I’m not mad. We’ll talk about it later and get through it, okay? I love you so much.” He tipped his head, his eyes filling with tears. “And I am so glad that you opened up to me. I’m so proud of you. Thank you, baby, I know that took a lot of strength.” 

Lucas tried to smile. 

“Can I hug you?” Zakk pleaded. 

“Only if I can hug you, too.” 

Zakk slid forward, holding Lucas tightly. Lucas gave him a gentle hug in return and shut his eyes. As Zakk began to quietly sob against Lucas’ chest, Lucas exhaled. 

“I’ve never said any of that out loud before,” he muttered, more to himself than to Zakk. Then he realized, “I’m so tired.” 

“Of course you are.” Zakk pulled back, sniffled, and set his hand on Lucas’ cheek. “Do you want to lie down?” 

He shook his head and leaned forward to rest on Zakk’s shoulder. “No, I want to stay here.” For some reason, the floor felt safe. Safer than lying down, which was what he’d been doing when- 

His grip on Zakk tightened, and Zakk’s tightened in response. Lucas was surprised by how much it helped. 

“Can someone talk to the kids about what’s normal at appointments and what’s not?” Lucas whispered. “I’ve thought about it for years, and I don’t want it to be one of us. I want it to be like a presentation.” 

“I think that’s an excellent idea.” Zakk kissed his hair. “Why don’t you let me figure out the logistics of that, hm?”

“No, I-” 

“Let me have a turn, please,” Zakk said calmly. “I’ll find somebody good, and I’ll run them by you before I book them.” 

“You’ll run them by me?” Lucas repeated, his exhaustion clear in his voice. 

“Yep. But I’ll find them and book them. Hey, maybe I’ll find two good people and you can help me choose between them.” 

“Okay,” Lucas whispered. 

“Okay.” 

“I love you.” 

Zakk held him even tighter. “Moon of my life,” he said quietly. 

“My sun and stars,” Lucas echoed. With a heavy breath out, he let himself close his eyes, but only for a moment. 

[acrolius]

more stranger things headcanons that I forget aren't canon pt 2

you know el likes something when she calls it "bitchin"

steve pretends to hate it when the kids call him mom, but it makes it feel like he's actually worth something if he can be the parent he never had for someone else

mike is gay with severe comp-het for el and incredibly repressed internalized homophobia

will blushes profusely when steve is shirtless

autistic robin

dyslexic steve who never got help as a kid

after the events at lover's lake steve is afraid of drowning and refuses to step foot in his pool when the kids have pool parties

erica has trauma from being tackled by an angry white teenage boy but doesn't know who to turn to that would understand her fears and is afraid of being vulernable

lucas turned to steve for help when he wanted to try out for the basketball team and now they shoot hoops together every week

[angel-ixily]

Essence of Forever

~~~~

Pt. 2 to Epitome of Love!

Pt. 1 is found here - Epitome of Love

~~~

Pairing: Jason carver x female!Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Pov: First Person

Fandom: Stranger Things

Warnings: Mentions of saliva, SPOILERS for season 4 volume 2 of stranger things, death, Vecna, broken bones, fighting, guns, violence, cults, satanism, blood, anxiety, trauma

Summary: During the events with Lucas and Jason in season 4 volume 2 of stranger things, destressed girlfriend of Jason Carver, Y/N L/N, is trying to stop all of the violence from happening.

A/N: I am SO, SO sorry to some of the people who were expecting Heartstopper Fics! I promise I'm writing them up as this is posted, I just lost interest of the show for a while, and then I completely forgot that those fics were in my drafts! I promise they'll be out as soon as you requested them! Thanks for the patience, but for now, enjoy some Jason Carver!

SPOILER ALERT - Jason didn't deserve to die! I am forever a Jason apologist, but only for the right reasons. I see that he was kinda racist, and what he did was terrible. But because of my “I can change them” complex, I see some good in him, but he used that good for all the wrong reasons. Forgive me if I’m wrong ❤️

Enjoy part 2!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~ -Y/N's POV-

~~~

Gunshot after gunshot, Jason shot all of the blood red targets in the head. I flinched with every single one of them. I breathed heavily to calm down my heartbeat, staring him up and down.

Ever since we had left that community meeting, there had been something different about Jason. His eyes were bloodshot, he had a crazy look in his once kind baby blue irises, he wasn't thinking straight. He was thinking one thing and one thing only.

Where was Eddie Munson?

I couldn't blame him. He had seen Patrick die. He wanted revenge for Patrick's and my best friend Chrissy's deaths. He wanted to find Eddie. Only in my heart did I plead for Jason's revenge to not involve murdering Eddie. But somewhere deep, deep down... I knew what Jason was planning to do. Why else had he bought the gun?

For once in my life, I hesitated to touch Jason. I closed my eyes to stop some tears that had threatened to drop, and I placed a hand on his shoulder. I opened my eyes slowly, expecting him to look at me angrily and coldly. He slowly turned around, grabbing my hand, and kissing it ever so lightly.

"What's wrong baby?" He asked me lowly. His eyes were still red. I wondered when he had last slept. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I closed my mouth and swallowed some saliva. A lump had appeared in my dry throat. I had never been so nervous to speak in my life. Jason just stared at me before he finally moved. My breath hitched as he wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me. I let some of the tears fall.

"Am I scaring you?" He asked. I wanted to say yes. Oh god, I wanted to say yes so badly, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. Instead, I let out a quiet, "no." Jason sighed and buried his head into my shoulder, kissing up my neck, to my jaw, to my tear-stained cheek, and finally to my lips. I kissed back. No matter how scared I was, I couldn't help but find comfort in his lips. They were soft and he was so gentle. I hoped that with this single kiss, it would sink all of his worries away as it had mine.

He pulled away, his lips still dragging across mine as he spoke. "I would never hurt you. You're everything to me. You're my life." He caressed the spots where my tears continued to fall, trying to dry the spots up. "I love you." He finished gently. I nodded.

"I love you more." I spoke, my voice cracking. He looked relieved to hear me say that. He pulled me in for another hug. After a second, he kissed my cheek.

"Oh my gosh I love you so, so much." Once more, he pulled away. "I need you to know that. I love you so much. I know everything is crazy right now, but I promise once I find Eddie, once I- once I get our revenge, everything will go back to the way it was before, is that okay sweetheart?" He sounded rushed and panicky. It's as if he felt bad for everything that was happening. I knew Jason wanted to fix it, but he should have known that hunting Eddie and getting "our revenge" wasn't going to fix anything. At the end of the day, it wasn't going to do anything but make problems worse. You get your revenge, someone else will get their revenge on you. It's something that would only cause more indefinite problems. A rat will kill a mouse, a cat will kill a rat, Cayotes will kill a cat, a Golden Eagle will kill a cayote, and so on and so forth. Revenge is nothing but an infinite source of revenge and pain. It won't only cause you pain, but everyone else around you until you're the one they want revenge on.

I tried explaining that to Jason before, but he wouldn't listen. There was no convincing him after he saw how heartbroken I was about Chrissy's death. And there was no talking him out of it after he saw what Eddie apparently did to Patrick. So, with the biggest smile I could manage, all I could say was, "Okay. Promise?"

He stroked my cheek, returning the smile. "I promise." Our moment together didn't last forever, though. Andy came out with news stating that he might have known where Eddie was. Jason told him to go send Ryan, but Andy was pretty convinced that Eddie was at the old Creel house, hiding. Jason thought to check it out.

And we did. We got in the car and went to check it out.

Jason was driving, I was in the passenger seat, and Andy was in the back. Jason kept a hand on my thigh. I had a hand placed atop of his. He would occasionally look over to me, take a breath, and give me the loving smile that I adored.

I hoped that at this location, nobody was there, and Andy had just heard fake news. But when I had seen Erica Sinclair on top of some rocket ship-like stand on the playground, my heart had almost stopped beating.

"You see her?" Andy asked quickly, leaning into the front. Jason stared directly at her, hatred and spite in his eyes. "Yeah, I see her." He spoke. There was pure venom in his voice. My heart began to quicken again, and my breathing fastened. I had never heard Jason speak like that. Not even during games. Hell, I had never seen Jason like this! This was getting way too out of hand.

Erica had noticed that we were pulling up at the speed of lightning, and she quickly jumped off of the playset, running into the woods. Jason immediately stopped the car next to a merry-go-round and he and Andy leaped out of the car. Jason headed towards the house, while Andy followed after Erica. Now I came at a crossroads.

Do I follow after Jason and risk getting killed?

Or do I follow after Andy who might kill a middle schooler?

After a second, I went with the safer option. Follow after Andy. I bolted out of the car and ran into the direction he ran to. At first, I couldn't see them until I came into a clearing and saw him on top of her. She was pinned face down and he was looming over her, holding her hands behind her back.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" I screamed, coming up behind him and kicking him in the balls. He groaned, falling to the side, clutching on his man parts. I helped Erica up. She looked at me with confusion and fear. I looked her up and down.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" I asked, concerned. She looked at me judgmentally.

"I could have handled that myself, thank you very much. Just because he pinned me down doesn't mean he won!" My eyes widened. Both Lucas and Jason had told me that she was sassy, but I didn't know she was this sassy. I would have given her a high five, but she continued to speak. "Besides, I'd be more worried about what your dumb blonde boyfriend would be doing to my brother," Erica looked back towards the house, nervous. "Whatever he sees, it can't be good." I looked back to the house and then back to Andy.

"You keep your ass right there." I scolded him, pointing a finger at him. He nodded quickly. I began to run back to the house.

~~~

-Jason's POV-

~~~

I kicked the door down, not even bothering to open it. I saw Sinclair's little sister out there, so I knew what I'd find inside.

The freak and his little cult.

I went throughout the house, from room to room, checking every little crevice and detail. I didn't only look for any sign of life, but also for satanic or cultist shit. The Hellfire Club had probably used this place for their little rituals or meetings. The Creel house, with its history, was the perfect place to do so.

To my surprise, I had found nothing. My best guess was that they were using the old druggies house as a meeting spot before we had found Eddie on the boat. Maybe we should have searched that place more.

After finding nothing on the first and second floors, I made my way to the attic. If I didn't have any luck on those floors, I wasn't expecting anything on the 3rd.

But that's until I walked in the doorway, and I saw Sinclair pointing a flashlight at me.

"Shit..." He whispered. I continued to walk in slowly, looking at him and then to a girl with pigtails sitting in front of a table with a bunch of freaky shit on it. "Jason, you can't be here right now man." I ignored him, still looking at the girl. My heart rate began to increase.

"What the hell have you done?" I asked, my voice harsh and low. I stood next to the girl, her eyes straining from looking up. It seemed as if she was in some trance. I became worried for her. It's a good thing that I had gotten here in time before she had gotten hurt.

"Jason. You need to leave." Sinclair warned, walking towards me slowly. I continued to look at the girl.

"Is this what you did to Chrissy?" I asked, walking closer to her and placing a hand on her back lightly, I waved my hand in front of her eyes. I hoped that it would wake her up. I hoped that she'd fall out of whatever trance Sinclair put her in, and she'd be okay. I couldn't let another person die. Sinclair continued to speak, worry in his voice. I didn't hear him, though.

"Hi. Can you hear me?" I asked her, waving my hands and rubbing her back. She just sat there, her eyes continuing to do the weird blinking and moving thing. I tried again. "Hey. Hey, can you hear me?" I asked her. Sinclair had taken one more step when I had noticed he was right in front of me.

"Hey! Hey back up! Back up!" I warned, taking out my gun and pointing it at him. Sinclair put his hands up. "Don't take another step." I threatened. I didn't want to shoot him. I didn't want to kill him. I never wanted to kill anybody, but this was getting way too out of hand.

First Chrissy, then some other kid, then Patrick, and now this girl? I wasn't having this. If there was any way I could save her, I wouldn't take the risk of getting this freak anywhere near her.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we don't have to do this. We don't have to do this man." I fiddled with the gun between my fingers.

"Yeah, I hope you're right. Is there anyone else in the house?" I didn't know why I asked that question because I had just searched the house, but who knew what Sinclair was hiding. Who knew about what bodies were in the house or which other cult members were here?

"No. No." Sinclair told me, his voice shaking. I quickly glanced at him up and down. I was all sweaty and my mind was jumbled, my breathing was uneven, and my heart was racing. I felt as if I were having a heart attack right now. Everything in my body hurt. My head hurt with a stinging headache, my legs hurt from standing all day, my hands hurt from shooting all day, my body hurt for whatever reason, but most importantly, my heart hurt. My heart hurt for Patrick, my heart hurt for this girl next to me, my heart hurt for Chrissy, for that boy that died in the streets. My heart hurt for Y/N. She was scared of me. She had been scared and nervous around me. She didn't get to say goodbye to Chrissy or Patrick. I wanted to cry, but instead, I moved the gun.

"Turn around." I ordered Sinclair. He looked at me with confusion.

"What?" He asked. I didn't spare him another moment to speak.

"TURN AROUND!!" I screamed. Sinclair flinched.

"Okay, okay. Relax." He spoke quickly. I looked at the flashlight in his hands.

"And put down your flashlight!" I added. Sinclair leaned down and placed it to the floor. He stood back up. "And empty your pockets." I told him. He didn't move. "EMPTY YOUR POCKETS!!" I yelled, repeating myself. Sinclair continued to put his hands in his pockets, turning them inside out. Random shit flew out of them and landed on the floor, making sounds as they hit the wood. He placed his hands back up.

"Okay..." I said with relief. "Now this is what's gonna happen." I let myself catch my breath for a second. "I'm gonna back away to the top of the stairs, there. And I'm gonna watch as you wake her up from whatever the hell this is." I made a deal with him. Again, I didn't want to shoot him. I didn't want to hurt or kill him. I just wanted the girl to be safe and okay. I couldn't risk another death at my behalf.

"I can't!" I glared harder at Sinclair as he turned around. "Jason, if I wake her too soon...we all die." I fumbled with my gun again, getting angrier. My heart, no matter how much I tried to control my breathing, wouldn't slow down. I was seeing red at this point.

I was right. Sinclair was apart of some cult shit. This trance that he had kept her in, was all apart to her soon-to-be death. I wasn't having that. The gun shook in my hands as my anger and nervousness grew.

"If you don't wake her up right now, you die Sinclair." I cocked the gun, something my heart sunk when I did. "Just you." I threatened. Lucas just stared at me. His breath came out shaking.

"We call him Vecna. He lives in another dimension. That's why you can't see him." My brain hurt more with the words he told me. Vecna? Other dimensions? What the hell was he talking about?

"And Eddie Munson and his...his Hellfire acolytes, what? You all summoned this Vecna?" I asked. It was the only thing that made sense at this point.

"No, no, you're not listening! Just listen, there...there's no cult! There never was!" I cut Sinclair off before he could say another word.

"You expect me to believe that?" I asked. Chrissy was led to Eddie's, and she died. Eddie did some satanic mumbo jumbo while on that boat, and he killed Patrick. He probably came across that boy in the streets and killed him as well. Now, he was sending one of his cult members to kill a girl for him, so he didn't have to do the dirty work.

"It's the truth!" Sinclair tried to excuse himself.

"Then why was Chrissy at Eddie's trailer?" I asked him, my heart pumping with hatred and adrenaline.

"She was buying drugs!" Sinclair fought back. The red darkened.

"Liar!" I yelled, cocking the gun again. Sinclair felt threatened by this and whispered an "okay".

"Chrissy, she was seeing things. Terrible things. Things Vecna forced her to see. She was scared." Sinclair's voice broke, but I could see through his manipulation. It was probably the same manipulation that forced Chrissy into her potential murder.

"No..." I mumbled.

"She just needed help." Sinclair finished. I shook my head.

"See that's how I know you're lying. If Chrissy was scared, if...if Chrissy wanted help, SHE WOULD'VE COME TO Y/N!" NOT EDDIE! NOT THAT FREAK! NEVER!" I yelled. Y/N and Chrissy were like sisters. If one needed the other, they would be there in a heartbeat. They told each other everything.

"You're wrong about Eddie." I tried not to laugh.

"No. But I was wrong about you. I never should've let you in the door." I recalled the memory of the first Basketball meet. The boys and I were practicing hoops while the cheerleaders were in the background, practicing their cheer. Y/N and Chrissy were laughing at Patrick and I hitting Chance with the balls. Y/N told us to stop and not to hurt him. That's when we heard a knock on the Gym doors. I walked over and there was Sinclair. He wanted to try out for the team, and I just smiled at him, pat him on the back, and led him in the doors. I introduced him to everyone there. It pained me to be in this situation with him.

"And I never should have knocked," Sinclair paused. Even though my face clearly didn't show nothing but pure hatred, my heart stung. I cared about Sinclair. I thought we would be close friends, even brothers at some point. His words stung more then they flew over my shoulder. He continued. "I thought I wanted to be like you. Popular. Normal. But it turns out, normal's just a raging psychopath." I couldn't take it.

"You have five seconds to wake her up." Lucas stood there without a movement. "Four." Lucas didn't move. He just stared with stubbornness. My fingers played with the gun. More sweat began beading down my forehead. My heart had begun to beat faster than before. "Three." I spoke. In a quick movement, Sinclair ran into me, tackling me. I pressed the trigger, and a loud bang ran through my ears. They began to ring.

I was backed into a pillar, the gun flying out of my hands.

~~~

-Y/N's POV-

~~~

I had almost been to the front door when I had heard the shot. I immediately stopped running. Nothing but Jason or Lucas's safety in my mind.

"NO!!" I screamed, running faster than before. I ran through the doorway and up the stairs. I tripped on the last step up to the second floor, landing on my chin. I heard a crack in my hand, but the adrenaline pumping through my veins told me to ignore everything but what was going on in the attic.

I got back to my feet and ran down the second-floor hall to the stairs. Once more, I climbed my way to the third floor. I saw the attic doorway and jumped over the last two stairs, almost falling backwards, and falling down the stairs. I held my balance on the doorframe. I looked up just in time to see Jason flipping Lucas.

Lucas fought back, punching Jason in the chest. My heart quickened. "JASON!!' I screamed. Jason had been leaning over a table when his head jerked up and he looked over to me. His eyes softened, but his hand felt around the table until he picked up a vase, turned around, and bashed it on Lucas's head. Lucas fell to the floor.

"Jason stop!!" I yelled, running to Lucas's aide. I was right in front of Lucas when Jason came from behind me, and punched me in the mouth. I landed on the ground beside Lucas. I hit the floor with a grunt. Jason gasped from behind me.

"Y/N!" He yelled, coming beside me to check if I was okay. He cradled me into his arms. I saw some tears come into his eyes. "Baby I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do that, I'm so, so sorry." He let a few tears fall. I tried my best to smile at him.

"You...you're okay." I forgave him. He leaned his head forward to mine, placing his forehead on my own. A few of his tears fell onto my face. I slowly began to cry as well. After a moment, he leaned away and caressed my face. He felt around where he punched me.

"I busted your lip...oh baby I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..." He was sobbing now, his face full of sorrow and pain. He held me tighter, pulling me closer to his chest. He was drenched in sweat and in desperate need of a shower.

Somewhere downstairs, I heard Erica shouting for Lucas. I heard her footsteps grow closer before I heard her banging on the door. I tried to get up to open it for her, but Jason wouldn't let me go.

"I love you..." He whispered.

"Jason...Jason let me go. Let me...let me go." I begged. I felt him shake his head. I began to cry harder. "Jason let me go! Please! let me go!" I yelled. He held on tighter. I cried into his shoulder. He just held me.

That's when I saw the girl lift up from the sitting position she was in, and she began to float. I couldn't breathe. Not because Jason was holding me tightly, but because I couldn't control my breathing to begin with. The only thing I could do was scream.

Worried, Jason lifted his head away from my shoulder to check on me. When he saw I wasn't looking at him, he turned around to look at the girl. His eyebrows furrowed. I guess Lucas saw this too, because he immediately got up.

Jason quickly put me down softly, and he got up after Lucas. In a rush, Lucas pushed Jason's head into the window, and began punching him immediately and hardly. I screamed again, getting up and trying to pull Jason away from Lucas. One last hard punch came to Jason, and he collapsed on top of me. I held him in my arms as Lucas ran to the girl. I lifted Jason so his head was in my lap.

Jason looked like he was about to pass out. I was crying. I put a hand in his hair, playing with his blonde strands. He lazily turned his head to look at me. He had bruises forming on his cheeks and the underneath of his eye was beginning to swell. He tried to lift an arm and failed the first time. After a second, he tried to lift it again, placing it on my cheek and wiping away the tears.

"I don't like it when you cry. You look beautiful no matter what you do, but when you cry it's just painful..." He mumbled loud enough for me to hear. I smiled through my tears. I lifted my hand away from his hair and I cradled his hand on my face, kissing his palm lightly. He smiled weakly.

With Jason's other hand, he tried to interlock his fingers with my other hand, but I winced in pain. Jason, through his dazed state, grew concerned. With some remaining strength, he lifted up my hand to look at it.

"What happened to your hand? Are you okay?" He asked. He examined it, softly twisting it around. I gasped in pain and tore it away, causing more pain. I took a breath.

"I'm okay. I just fell on the way to save your sorry ass. I'll be fine. But you, on the other hand, just got beaten the absolute shit out of." I replied, rubbing his arm soothingly. He just stared at me. This was the most love I had seen in his eyes since after the rally. I sobbed harder thinking about it.

No matter how crazy the revenge Jason wanted had made him, he had never stopped loving me. He had never stopped caring, protecting, and being with me. He had never stopped staring at me the way that he had always stared at me to begin with.

"I love you so much Jason Carver..." I whispered, some of my tears falling on his cheek. They trailed to the wooden floor underneath us. He smiled.

"I love you so much more, Y/N L/N." I leaned down to kiss him, although, the taste of blood from both of our busted lips made us pull away almost immediately.

"Maybe we should save that kiss until after we get out of here..." Jason assured. I laughed, nodding my head. My non-broken hand went to his cheek, caressing it softly. I made sure not to hurt him where he had been punched.

Even though Lucas and the girl were here, it felt like it was just us. Finally, after all the chaos, it was just us. I heard some cracking and a thud before I heard Lucas's scream. I looked up immediately, my eyes widened. Jason whipped his head to look.

The girl was cradled in Lucas's arms. Erica came bursting into the room. Lucas yelled for her to call an ambulance. Erica ran back out. Lucas looked back to the girl. She was moving now. She began to whisper something rushed to him that Jason nor I could hear. I could tell that she was scared. Lucas was crying and pleading. I couldn't help but spare a few tears for her as well.

The girl's name was Max.

I cried for Max. I cried for Fred. I cried for Billy, Barb, Hopper, Heather, Benny, Chrissy... I cried for everyone. There had been so many losses and here was another one. Right in front of us.

I heard a crack and then the floor began to open right in front of us. Some orange glowing stuff was showing beneath the cracks. In a last effort, I was thrown across the floor by Jason. I gasped as I landed on my broken hand, but I looked back over to Jason, who was being tied down by some weird vines.

The crack was coming right towards him. He looked over to me. "I love you." He told me. I tried to get to him, but the cracking floor made me continuously fall. I looked back up to Jason, screaming and crying.

The crack had reached him, and he began to dissolve in half.

"Y/N!!!" He yelled.

I lifted my body up, sweat drenching all over. "JASON!!" I screamed. Tears were falling down my cheeks. I was in a room. It looked like a bedroom. There was a vanity and a mirror across from where I was sitting. In the mirror, I saw a reflection of Jason. I looked over, and there he was.

He looked concerned, his breathing heavy. He had a hand on my arm, which was hurting due to me laying on it a weird way. I cried harder. "Jason!" I gasped, holding him. I wrapped my arms around him while I buried my face into his bare chest. He wrapped his arms around me protectively. I sobbed and sobbed.

It was just a dream. No. Not a dream. A nightmare.

"You're okay...you're okay. I promise you're okay. I'm right here. Sh sh shhh...I'm right here..." He soothed, rubbing my back.

"You died. A crack came through the floor, and you died saving me..." I whimpered into his chest. He just held me tighter.

"I promise I'm right here. I'm not dead. I'll always be right here..." He reassured. He kissed the top of my head before laying his head atop of mine. "It was just a nightmare, sweetheart. It was all a nightmare. You're okay." He comforted.

We stayed like that for a while. He just held me while I cried. My tears were a mixture from the pain I had felt from that nightmare, and the relief that I had felt knowing it was a nightmare and that he was right next to me. Still alive.

It took me a while to recollect myself. Once I did, I pulled away and Jason leaned over to the bedside table to grab me a few tissues.

"Thank you..." I choked out, blowing my nose and wiping away the remaining tears. He kept his hands on my waist.

"I was trying to wake you for 6 minutes. You were screaming my name and yelling for me to let you go. I know that it's impossible, but I became worried that...that thing had gotten you..." He let a tear of his own slip out of his eye. I leaned over and wiped it away with a part of the tissue that was dry. I leaned my forehead on his.

We had permanently killed Vecna around 4 months ago. Every now and then I'd have a nightmare about it. Around 2 months ago, Jason and I had moved out of Hawkins and into Indianapolis, as it was closer to our college. I hadn't been happier, but I'd still have nightmares from the traumatic experience. I had been the one to take the final shot at Vecna. I had stabbed him right in the chest with a broken bottle that we had used for Molotov. I stared right into the freaks eyes as he had died. Before I had stabbed him, he had tried killing Jason. Every nightmare I had since then was about Jason's death.

Jason leaned his lips against mine and rested them there for a moment, before he had slowly began kissing me. As always, his lips were soft against mine. He was gentle as he pulled me closer to him and lifted one of his hands to cup my face. My hands wrapped around his neck.

I pulled away from him. He leaned his lips closer to mine, wanting more. I smiled.

"I love you so much Jason Carver." I stated. He looked into my eyes lovingly.

"I love you so much more Y/Y L/N."

[whataloadofqueers]

marauders era characters as things i've heard my friends say pt. 2

"why are we discussing the trauma my mom gave me so early in the morning" - sirius

"i'm trying to purposely trigger a hyper fixation on shakespeare since we're studying his play in class" - james

"i'd rather let you starve than share my food" - remus

"i'm not usually into older women but if mrs. [teacher] asked i'd say yes" - marlene

"he said it was okay with staying friends after i rejected him. but what the fuck made him think we were friends ??" - lily

"8 minutes is more than enough for me to take a nap" - peter

"i don't know if i cried more watching encanto or luca" - mary

"nothing compares to academic validation" - dorcas

"we had a test ?? i'm so fucked" *gets 18/20* - regulus

"i used wap as a reference in my essay" - pandora

[peanutpinet]

NCT Masterlist

Hi! You can call me Vinet! Am currently an active writer for NCT (127, DREAM and WayV). If you have any requests for any members, do send me a request! I just don't do smut as I'm not comfortable writing them. But I don't mind a slight steamy make-out session.

Hope you enjoy the stories I write and if anyone wants to have a talk, suggestions or anything, please don't be afraid to hit me up :] 💚

NCT 127

NCT 127 as street racers

Per Members

Lee Taeyong

Taeyong as a mafia leader

I'm the Sticker for Your Love - Taeyong (mafia) x fem reader

Mine - Lee Taeyong x Fem reader | Mafia AU

Bite Me - Lee Taeyong x Medic girl | Mafia AU

Just Like A Zoo - Hybrid Alpha Taeyong x Omega Fem Reader

Johnny Suh

I'll always save you - Johnny x fem reader | college au

Love on the floor - Johnny x fem reader | idol au

My Plus One - Johnny Suh x Fem Reader | Idol AU

This is Queendom - Johnny Suh x Fem Reader | Non-AU

I Got You - Mafia! Johnny Suh x Undercover Agent Fem Reader

Gorgeous Company - DJ (Idol)! Johnny Suh x Shy Fan Fem Reader

Nakamoto Yuta

Yuta as a cold yet soft mafia leader

Yuta (cold mafia)

Caring mafia boss Yuta

Through High & Low - Nakamoto Yuta (gang) x fem reader | gang au

Jung Jaehyun

Jaehyun as a bad boy

Jaehyun as your mafia big brother (ft Jaemin x reader)

Be There For you - college AU

Comfort [3:33am] - first blurb

My Cure - Vampire AU

Peper(o) with love [4:12pm] - Jaehyun x fem reader | college au

Back To You Again [2:29pm] - Jaehyun x fem reader | mafia au

Stay [8:14pm] - Jaehyun x fem reader

More Than This [2:14pm] - Jaehyun x fem reader | college AU

Lost [8:24pm] - Jaehyun (vampire) x fem reader (heretic) | vampire au

Life Is A Bastard? Life Is Still Going On [2:19pm] - idol! Jaehyun x fan! fem reader

Promise [7:19am] - CEO! Jaehyun x Innocent! Fem Reader

My Forever Only - CEO! Grumpy Jaehyun x Sunshine Fem Reader

Anything For You - Demon! Jaehyun x Witch! Fem Reader

Try Again [14:02pm] | Idol! Jaehyun x fem nctzen

Anything For You (pt.2 of Anything for you) - Demon! Jaehyun x Witch! Fem Reader

Safe with Me [08:14am] - CEO Jung Jaehyun x worker fem reader

Taking Care What Is Mine - Idol! Jaehyun x Staff! Fem Reader

Kim Jungwoo

Fear - Alpha Jungwoo x Omega Fem Reader

Protection - Mafia! Jungwoo x Fem Reader

Lee Haechan

Always There - Haechan x reader | Spy AU

Don’t Test Me - Mafia! Haechan x Fem Reader

WayV

Per Members

Lucas

Lucas as a mafia leader #1

Lucas as a mafia leader #2

NCT Dream

Per Members

Lee Jeno

Jeno as a bad boy

Figure It Out - Jeno x Fem reader | College/bad boy AU

My First - Jeno x Fem reader | College/bad boy AU

The Bat & Dove - Mafia! Jeno x Innocent Fem Reader

Lee Haechan

Always There - Haechan x reader | Spy AU

Don’t Test Me - Mafia! Haechan x Fem Reader

Na Jaemin

Jaemin as a mafia leader

Save you, save me

Jaemin birthday special

The Rider and Dreamer - Jaemin (bike gang) x fem reader

You're Safe With Me - Jaemin x fem reader | idol au

Quiet Down - Jaemin x Innocent fem reader

You Belong with Me - Idol! Jaemin x staff! fem reader

Trauma - Mafia! Jaemin x Innocent! fem reader

Park Jisung

Jisung x Female Reader | Bad boy college au

On The Way - Park Jisung x Reader

Home [2:15 AM] - Idol! Jisung x Fem reader

NCT U

NCT Feb-line Taking Care of You When You're Sick

You're Our World, Our Universe - NCT 2021 Yandere

NCT Mafia Universe Masterlist

[rhysismydaddy]

Casual Ruin Pt. 3 (Elriel)

Elain’s part of the Damnation Series.

Part 1 | Part 2

God help yall this shit was a rollercoaster to write

________________________________________________

~Elain~

For a second, no one breathes, let alone moves.

Azriel’s hands are steady as he grips the gun, body lined with tension, eyes so cold I shiver. The barrel’s close enough that if I leaned forward an inch, it’d brush my forehead.

The man next to him holds a cigarette halfway to his mouth, looking at me like he’s never seen a woman before and has absolutely no idea what to do. 

And me? I’m frozen in place, horror rushing through my veins and mixing with the shock to create a nauseating cocktail I’m not sure I’ll survive.

It’s the brutalized man in the chair slumping over and hitting the floor with a loud thud that finally snaps us out of our momentary haze.

Azriel blinks and throws the gun to the side so hard it makes a dent in the wall, the stranger drops his cigarette and reaches for me, and I sprint like my fucking life depends on it. Because at this point, I’m pretty sure it might.

What the hell did I walk into? 

I race up the stairs toward the garage, where less than a minute ago, I’d heard Azriel’s voice and gone to surprise him. By the look on his face when he turned around, I’d at least succeeded in that.

I can practically feel the man behind me, can tell he’s reaching a hand out to grab me.

I’ve never been a violent person in my life, but with the amount of adrenaline coursing through me, I don’t even question the urge to use the wine bottle in my hands as a weapon.

It breaks over the man’s head, but unlike in the movies, he doesn’t go down immediately. However, he does lose his balance enough that with a firm shove to his chest, he goes crashing back down to the hellhole I’m running from.

I make it to the garage and slam the door to the basement closed, locking it for good measure. Then I drag the heavy workbench next to the line of pristine cars over in front of it for even better measure. 

I refuse to let myself stop and think, because I’m pretty sure if I do, I’ll break down into a pool of tears and never get up. I’m running on nothing but adrenaline, and I know I’ll crash soon, but I force myself to keep going.

For a moment, I’m tempted to steal one of the cars to get away, but the sound of angry Italian shouts behind the locked door makes me hesitant to waste any more time.

I also definitely don’t have time to call the cab driver that dropped me off and beg him to come back.

The fear and terror don’t give me time to doubt myself as I take my heels off, take off up the driveway, and pray I’m fast enough to escape the devil on my trail.

~Azriel~

“Get that goddamn door open,” I shout at Luca, who’s dripping wine all over the place and has a gash on his forehead from where little Elain Archeron shoved him down the stairs.

I almost fucking shot her in the head. Her. 

Dolcezza mia. The girl I’m stupidly obsessed with. The one who’s always quick to smile--the same one who sighs when I kiss her and lights up when I walk into the room.

I almost shot her between those beautiful brown eyes, almost snuffed them out forever.

I run a hand over my face, listening to the sound of Luca throwing himself into the door repeatedly. “I’m trying, boss, but I think she pulled something in front of the door.”

Smart.

Fucking annoying as hell, but smart.

If I wasn’t so damn pissed at myself for not locking the basement door behind me and allowing her to find us down here, I’d be mildly impressed. 

Two of the most dangerous men in Italy, trapped in the basement like idiots. 

I pull up the app to track her phone--which was originally for her safety, not because I’m a complete stalker--and see that she’s on foot, going behind the houses instead of down the road. She probably thinks I’ll drive by her while she gets away right under my nose.

“Fuck,” I mutter, sending out a text to all my neighbors to tell them not to shoot the beautiful young woman trespassing through their properties. She has no idea the people around us have security systems better than the President’s. “Luca!”

“Working on it,” he grunts back.

“If that shit isn’t open in the next twenty seconds, you’re going in the incinerator after this asshole,” I warn, nudging the dead body on the floor with a boot.

The threat must work, because a second later, there’s a loud bang and the telltale sound of the workbench from my garage toppling over. “Got it!”

I storm up the stairs and tell him, “Run interference with the neighbors and local police. Anyone talks-”

“Got it,” he interrupts, grabbing his phone to start threatening people.

Pulling up the app again, I track the path she’s on, curse when I see she’s headed to the bus station about a mile from here, and take off after her.

Technically, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if she got away. She’d probably go to the police and tell them what she saw, not knowing that Marco, the deputy on duty, has been on my payroll since the day he passed the police entrance exam.

Having done her civic duty, she’d probably try to recover from the trauma of what she saw, eventually finish her classes and move on, and leave. Forgetting all about me in the process.

Technically, for her, this option would not be the worst thing in the world.

But in my head, it feels worse than being stabbed. In my head, there isn’t a question about it. 

I’m going after her. 

There’s this weird, itchy feeling in my chest I’ve never felt before as I run and run and try not to think about the look on her face as she saw the body fall to the floor.

I realize the feeling in my chest as panic, something I haven’t felt since I was a teenager getting booked for stealing my first car.

She knows.

She knows, and the look on her face... she looked at me like I’m a monster. 

And fuck, maybe that’s true. Maybe I am beyond saving.

But having her look at me, and having her take away the easy smiles and bright eyes I’d grown strangely accustomed to... it feels like being robbed.

And it makes me panic.

So I’ll chase her, and catch her, and do whatever I have to do to get her back. 

Because I need her, and damn if I’m going at this alone. 

After a surprising amount of time, I see the thin outline of her off in the distance, sprinting like the devil himself is chasing her. 

I take a deep breath and try to stay quiet, but it’s hopeless. Like she’s the one with the tracker on me, she can tell the second I’m close. I can see it from the way her shoulders go stiff and her pace increases.

“Elain!” 

I call out again for her to stop, because I don’t want to tackle her and risk hurting her. She ignores me and keeps running, turning behind the coroner of one of my dealer’s house. 

That sticky, awful, panicky feeling in my chest grows as she disappears from sight, and without thinking, I follow.

Which, if I had been thinking, I never would’ve done, because shit like this leaves you open to attack. 

Which reminds me: I’ve now broken all three rules for this woman, because I don’t have a single weapon on me to defend us if something happens.

I hit the ground hard enough the wind rushes out of me and my stupid brain rattles around in my stupid skull. 

Blinking through the blur, I look up to find Elain standing over me with an empty metal trashcan raised like a bat, ready to strike again. 

I need to explain, need to talk to her, but all I can seem to say is her name.

“Elain,” I croak, trying to force air down my lungs.

As my vision clears, I notice she’s crying, beautiful face streaked with tears and dirt. 

She pauses and looks at me, like the sight of me knocked on my ass hurts her just as much as it does me, then shakes her head to clear it. 

She throws the trash can at me and turns to flee, but I know I can’t let her go, at least not like this. Grabbing her ankle, I yank her down to me, making sure she lands on me instead of the ground. 

She screams, the sound scraping away another layer of the trust we’d built, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so desperate in my life. Elain flails around, but I use my weight to pin her, trying not to hurt her. 

She has to let me explain. She has to.

I hate what I’m about to do, but the only other option I have is making her pass out the old fashion way, which I know I could never bring myself to do.

The second the needle goes into her neck, she goes stiff underneath me, looking at me with wide, panicked eyes. 

“You drugged me,” she sobs, the betrayal in her voice making my chest hurt.

I brush the hair off her face, press my forehead to hers, and start telling her things I haven’t told another living soul.

I’ll never hurt you.

I’m sorry.

~Elain~

Am I dead?

Why does it feel like I got hit by a bus?

Where am I? 

These three questions rattle around in my brain at the same time, all demanding answers, as soon as I open my eyes. 

And the weird part is... I don’t have any.

I have no idea if I’m alive or dead, but the headache I have that seems permanently settled behind my eyes points to the latter.

I blink the haze in my brain away and realize I’m at my house in bed, but my extend of knowledge seems to stop there. 

There’s a voice in my head whispering something, but it’s too quiet for me to understand what she’s saying. All I know is that I feel like I need to do something, need to get out of here. 

I rub my sore eyes and see there’s a note on the bedside table, written in precise, calm handwriting I recognize better than my own. 

Come downstairs. 

He’s here? I thought I went to his house, not the other way around.

The blinds are closed, but when I make my way to the window and peak out, I see a dark night sky, the moon reflecting off the water and making everything seen calm.  

What the hell happened to me?

I start to leave the room, intent on going downstairs and asking Azriel that very question. 

Except as I’m passing by my closet, I see something. 

Something small and so inconsequential, I almost don’t think anything about it.

Like I’m in a dream, I feel myself walk over to the corner of the room. I feel my knees hit the floor, see my finger extend to the floor and touch the tiny drop of liquid that caught my eye.

I pull back and look, and somehow, I’m not surprised to see that it’s blood.

The floors are dark enough I shouldn’t have been able to see it from so far away, but it’s like a part of me was looking for it. 

And that’s when it comes back to me.

Coming to surprise him, seeing the door in his garage, going downstairs... I press a hand to my mouth and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to fight the tidal wave of nausea washing over me. 

I remember seeing the blood first and wondering if someone was hurt, then coming further into the room to find myself in the middle of a nightmare. If I wasn’t so strangely sure it had been real, I would think it was a horror movie.

The man strapped down had been so brutalized, I doubt I would’ve recognized him even if I’d known him my whole life.

I remember running without a thought more, giving into the fight or flight impulse to get the hell out of there. 

I remember hitting Azriel, seeing him fall to the ground and looking up at me with those deep, wounded eyes that will haunt me more than the torture he inflicted on that poor man. 

Eyes that told me everything and nothing at the same time.

I remember looking into those eyes and crying at the pain in them that was surely reflected in my own. 

And then nothing. 

Why don’t I remember? How did I get back here?

I’m sorry. 

I finally recall that last whispered promise, and if I hadn’t already been sitting on the floor, I would’ve fallen to my knees as I realize what happened.

He drugged me.

Azriel, the same man who slow-danced with me in an empty restaurant and drove me along the coast and held me in his sleep, drugged me.

And he’s downstairs.

I start to hyperventilate, because I don’t know what to do or what he’s planning to do. Why is he still here?

What am I going to do? Should I call the cops?

I realize I don’t have my phone, probably a countermeasure on his part. 

I also realize there’s no way for me to run. I remember how fast he’d caught me, how easy it had been for him to render me useless. 

There’s no escaping him. Not if he’s already down there waiting, evil plan cooking in his mind.

I have no other option, unless I want to stay in this room for the rest of my life.

So with confidence I don’t feel, I walk downstairs. 

I find him sitting at my breakfast table, leaning back casually and sipping a cup of coffee despite the late hour. 

The moonlight clings to him like it loves him, playing off of his sharp cheekbones and illuminating his features. His face is carefully blank, but there’s a flicker of something as he looks at me, something that seems almost like relief. 

He’s calm and collected and everything I’m not, and it pisses me off. My world’s on fire, yet he’s sitting here like nothing’s wrong? And he’s drinking my coffee?

I stomp over to grab the stolen drink, then sit across from him and cross my arms. 

And wait.

Because I sure as hell am not talking first. 

He stayed because he has something to say. I don’t have anything to say to him. 

For a long time, we just stare at each other, because he’s apparently playing by the same rules. 

Then he accepts his defeat, sighs, and asks, “Why did you come to my house last night?”

I purse my lips, narrow my eyes, and try to stop myself from throwing the coffee in his face. 

Because he said that almost like an accusation. 

Like the problem is that I came over unannounced, not that he was torturing someone. 

“I’m not justifying that with a response,” I eventually tell him.

He gives me a hard look. “Answer the question.”

Something about the entirely male way he demanded that, like he expects a response immediately, makes me tilt my head and ask so sweetly I almost choke, “Why? Are you going to torture me if I don’t?”

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, showing the first sign of imperfection I’ve ever seen from him. “What you saw-”

“Was horrifying, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

He acts like I didn’t even speak. “-was something I meant to keep private from you.”

I don’t tell him that’s pretty fucking obvious at this point. 

Instead I ask, “Why?” 

I’m not sure why I want to know, but it suddenly feels important. 

He doesn’t takes his eyes off of me as he says, “Because you’re you. You shine so brightly it should be illegal, and you look at the world like it isn’t a terrible place. I didn’t want to take that from you.”

My throat feels uncomfortably tight all the sudden, but I clear it and say, “Well, you did.”

His jaw clenches, and he looks down. “I know. If I could go back and walk away, I would. Shit, I told myself I would more times than I can count. But I just... couldn’t. And I couldn’t tell you either. I wanted to, but I didn’t know how, Elain.”

The sound of my name on his lips makes my heart finally start beating again, but I still call him on his lie. “That isn’t why you never told me. You never told me because you knew I’d hate you the second you did.”

“Maybe,” he admits, looking back up at me. “But now you know, and I’m glad you do. You know everything now.”

It’s my turn to look down, because while I’d wanted to know the real him, I’d never imagined I’d find something like this. 

“No, I don’t. I don’t know anything, because you haven’t explained anything.”

He tilts his head. “What needs explaining?”

I ask the obvious question. “Who do you work for?”

“Myself.”

Once again, I don’t feel like justifying that with a response. He still isn’t saying anything that explains what I saw or why he’d do that to someone. 

If he isn’t going to say anything meaningful, I’m not having this conversation.

Eventually, he seems to realize this. Because he says, “I’m Capo of the Sicilian Outfit of the Cosa Nostra, Elain.”

I bite my lip so hard I taste blood, trying to keep my emotions in check. I don’t know how to feel, other than confused and angry.

“Any other questions?”

“Why did you drug me?”

If he just wanted to talk, he could’ve dragged me back to his place or maybe just say that. Not chase me down like a rapid animal.

“You were panicked, and I didn’t want to hurt you. I needed time to explain, needed to tell you this was never the plan.”

There’s something else there, and I narrow my eyes in a silent demand for him to continue.

Azriel sighs and admits, “My neighbors are business associates-” aka fellow criminals, “and I didn’t want them to hear you yelling and come to... investigate-” aka kill me, “or watch me get knocked unconscious by a twenty-four year old woman with a trash can.”

I give him a smug smile, more than ready to give him a repeat of that show, and try to decide what else to ask. 

But before I get the chance, he says, “I don’t see why this changes anything.”

My mouth falls open.

He doesn’t see- is he serious? “You’re joking.”

“I’m not known for my humor.”

I’m still stunned into silence, so he tilts his head and asks, “Why does it matter? Why does what I do make me a different person?”

When I don’t answer, he says, “It doesn’t. Nothing I do will ever come near you. You won’t ever have to see it again. I promise.” 

“It’s not about seeing it! It’s about knowing what you do when we’re not together. You kiss me goodbye, then go home and... there is absolutely no way I can go back to what we were doing before. You killed someone, Azriel.”

He straightens his cufflinks and shoots back, “He deserved it, Elain.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”

“First off, murder is illegal. So is torture, which from the way that man looked, you’d definitely been inflicting on him. Not only is it illegal, it’s wrong! He was an innocent human being-”

“He wasn’t innocent.”

I keep going. “You aren’t judge, jury, and executioner! You-”

He’s on me before I can finish, sliding a hand over my mouth and leaning over my chair. 

God, the man is fast. Has he always been that fast, or have I just never noticed?

“Let me explain something to you, Elain. On this island, I am. I decide who’s guilty, which he confessed to being. I decide the punishment, which was a bullet to the brain. I’m the executioner, and I pull the trigger myself, because I’m not a fucking coward.”

I fight his hold, trying to push him away, but he doesn’t even budge. 

“I play by different rules, bellissima. Just because you’ve never been exposed to them, or my world, doesn’t mean it hasn’t always existed. I’m the judge, jury, executioner, and the goddamn king.”

A shiver goes down my spine at his words. 

He pushes my head back, forcing me to meet his eyes. “And it doesn’t matter.”

I shake my head, bite his finger, push at his chest. But it doesn’t do any good.

“It doesn’t matter, because like I said, we live in two different worlds. I’d never let mine impact yours.”

I want to tell him that isn’t the problem, but his hand is still on my mouth. 

“Have you even asked yourself why you’re not afraid?” he asks out of the blue, surprising me. 

I stare blankly at him, no longer fighting, waiting for whatever he’s about to say.

“You’re scared of what I do, but you aren’t scared of me. Not really. If you were, you never would’ve come down those stairs.”

That’s why he looked relieved, I realize. He was worried I’d be scared of him.

Everything he’s saying makes sense, which makes no sense at all. 

Because if he’s right, and he certainly seems to think he is, it begs the question... why aren’t I scared of him?

He seems to see my ask myself that, because he answers it a second later.

Eyes growing softer, he murmurs, “It’s because you know I’d never hurt you, nor would I let anyone else.”

I remember him whispering that right before I passed out. I’ll never hurt you. 

He comes so close I can see the individual flecks of green in his dark hazel eyes. “I may do terrible things, and I’d do terrible things for you, Elain, but I’d never do them to you.”

“So you aren’t afraid. Just angry,” he concludes. Then he looks at me like he did the other day in the sea behind his house, right before he called me his. “Do you know why you’re angry, Elain?”

Currently, it’s because he’s explaining my emotions to me, which has to be the most male, obnoxious thing that’s ever happened in all of history.

But I have a feeling that isn’t what he’s talking about.

And I have another feeling that I’m not going to like what he’s about to say.

I take another glance at the look in his eyes and realize what he means, starting to fight again. I push at his chest and hands and try to get him to not say the words I know he’s going to. 

It doesn’t work. 

“You’re upset,” he says a moment later, slow and sure like always, “because I lied to you. You feel betrayed, like you don’t know me. But that isn’t why you’re angry.”

One hand on my face, the other in my hair, he holds me perfectly still as he whispers, “You’re angry because you were falling for me.”

I press my eyes closed, trying not to hear the words he’s saying as if that’ll make them any less true. 

But it doesn’t, because they are true. 

Every easy smile, midnight whisper, and lingering kiss he’s given me in the past month has given him a permanent place in my heart, and it hurts to have that all feel like a lie.

It hurts to look at him and not know if I recognize the person holding me.

A sob escapes me, which seems to confirm what he said, and he takes his hand off my mouth to wipe away a tear. 

His brow comes to rest against mine, and I breathe him in, unable to stop myself. 

There’s a war happening inside me, and it distracts me enough I don’t stop him from pulling me closer.

My heart plays me a montage of the past month, showing me countless moments where I’d been so positive I’d found paradise, so positive I’d found someone I could trust completely. It tells me Azriel has always felt like home, like something so inexplicably right I don’t even know how to describe it.

But my brain reminds me the hands cupping my cheeks softly are covered in blood and gunsmoke and victims’ tears. It tells me I’ve never really known the man I’m currently begging myself not to have feelings for. 

The battle inside of me rages on, and I cry harder, not even knowing who I want to win.

It only gets harder to choose as he murmurs, “Ance io mi sto innamorando di te.”

I’m falling for you, too.

I don’t know what to do or feel or think, and I’m so helplessly confused it makes me want to scream. 

Yet even though I’m confused, something about this makes sense. Something about knowing what he really does for a living makes everything in my head just click.

The way he’d redirect the conversation whenever I asked about his job. The way I’d always suspected him of hiding something about himself from me. The way every movement he’s ever made with me has been lined with restraint.

He could hurt me, has had the opportunity for months, but he never has. He’s always been careful with me, has always held and looked at me like I’m something precious to him.

My brain starts shifting to his side of the argument, and I can feel my morality ripping to shreds under his hands.

Before I can think, I shove him away, getting to my feet to point at the door. “Get out. You lied to me. You’re a murderer. A monster.”

Feelings or not, I know I can’t do this. I can’t just ignore what I saw, what he’ll continue to do. So he needs to leave.

He doesn’t.

Azriel just leans against the kitchen island counter and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it as he watches me for a long moment. 

“Maybe I am,” he says eventually around a mouthful of smoke. “But just because I’m a monster, Elain, doesn’t mean I can’t give you what we both know you need. Nothing has to change.”

It already has.

“I don’t need anything from you.”

“No?”

“No.”

He prowls toward me, the intent shining so clear in his eyes I take a step back for every one he takes forward. My back hits a wall, and he traps me between it and himself, caging me in with strong arms.

The line between right and wrong, good and evil, seems to blur as he gets closer and closer, and by the time we’re sharing air, I don’t know which way is up. All I know is him.

He takes a deep inhale of his cigarette, tips my head back with his thumb, and then breathes the smoke into my mouth. 

It should be disgusting, considering I don’t smoke and make it a point to avoid cancer-causing products in general. 

It should be. But it isn’t.

It’s the opposite of disgusting. 

There’s a buzz in my veins that has nothing to do with the nicotine, and I realize too late that he’s the vice I can’t quit. 

I’m too far gone, too addicted already.

He pulls back slightly, tucking the still-burning cigarette behind his ear. His eyes burn with intensity, and his dark hair and shoulders are surrounded by the smoke clinging to his shoulders like a shadow. 

He looks like the villain of a movie I never even knew I wanted to watch, and it physically pains me to have him this close and not be touching him, so I put my hands on his chest, fingers fisting in the expensive material of his suit.

His are on the wall by my head, bracing himself as he leans in and slowly licks a line across my lower lip, like he’s tasting me. 

My want for him is a tangible thing, and I have to ask myself if he’s right. Does it matter what he does, when he makes me feel like no one else ever has? Do I care enough to stay away from him?

“You don’t need me?” he asks again, so close his lips brush against mine.

I shake my head, even though I know it isn’t the truth. I do need him, and that’s why this hurts so damn bad. Why this betrayal cuts so deep.

Even though we’re so close he’s nothing but a blur, I can feel his eyes on me, burning a hole through me. 

And then he says something that changes everything. 

“Well, I need you,” he whispers, so softly it breaks my heart.

I’m lost.

I’m so goddamn lost in him, I forget everything we were talking about, forget everything he’s done. 

My knees go weak, and I cling to him, pulling him into me as I slip down the wall.

His lips crash against mine, and I know instantly that this is him. This is all of him. I finally know exactly who he is, and he doesn’t have to hide anymore.

It’s probably our hundredth kiss, but it feels like the first, and I’m drunk on it, drunk on him.

Hands in my hair, he kisses me like he wasn’t lying--like he needs me. 

My hands pull tighter, until there’s not an inch between us, and he makes a low sound in his throat. His are on my waist, gripping me tightly and telling me he wants this just as much as I do.

The restraint from before is all but gone, and I tremble at how much power is in his grasp, how small and fragile it makes me feel in comparison. 

My willpower crumples further, like a napkin in his fist, as his tongue teases mine, making me chase him for more.

Azriel pulls my lower lip between his teeth, pulling it between us as he draws back. It’ll be bruised tomorrow, but a sick part of me likes that he’s leaving his mark on me.

“Say it,” he say roughly, voice deep and scratchy with lust.

I don’t get a change to say it, or anything else, before he’s kissing me again, running his hands up my back and into my hair.

“Say it,” he demands again.

Maybe I’m not as lost as I thought, because I know what he wants but stay silent, refusing to give it to him.

Because I can’t.

Everything he said tonight makes sense, but I just... can’t.

He kisses me again, a lingering kiss that makes my chest ache, and almost pleads, “Say it, Elain. Say it doesn’t matter. Say you need me.”

The air grows thick as I stay silent, because it’s response enough.

His eyes narrow, and even though everything inside me begs me to, I don’t stop him as he steps away. 

“Only two more months here, and you want to spend them lying to yourself?”

I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I’m leaving so soon, but I don’t let myself get distracted. “I’m not lying to anyone.”

Except it feels like I am.

A smile pulls on his lips, but it isn’t friendly. “You’re fucking lying, and you know it. You know it doesn’t matter, you just can’t admit it, because then you’d be like me.”

Heart pounding, I shake my head, but he keeps going. “Fucking a monster would be condoning the devil’s work, right?”

He takes a step in, catching my wrists as I try to push him back, pinning them above my head, and laughing. 

“You saying you don’t want me is the most pathetic lie I’ve ever heard, carro. ”

“Azriel-”

Mouth next to my ear, he growls, “You’re really telling me if I slip my hand between your pretty thighs, I won’t find you wet and ready for me?”

I push against his hands and look away, all the confirmation he needs. 

He tsks, feigning disappointment. 

I close my eyes and fight my response to him with everything I have. I try to tell myself it matters, that what he does disgusts me, but it doesn’t sound believable to even myself at this point.

“I could prove it to you, make you come right here and now, but I don’t think I will.”

I’m breathing heavily, two seconds from passing out at the intensity and violence in his voice. 

“I think the next time I fuck you, Elain, you’re going to have to tell me you need me just as much as I need you. You’re going to tell me you want me, and you’re going to beg me for more.” He licks up the side of my neck, and I press my lips together to hold in the moan that wants to escape. “You’re going to tell the goddamn truth, and you’re going to fucking apologize for lying to me in the first place.”

I glare at him, silently conveying that that will never happen. He lied to me. I’m not apologizing for shit.

He sees that and everything else in my gaze, and he shakes his head slowly. 

“I’ll get your confession, Elain,” he promises, going to the door and almost ripping it off its hinges as he opens it. “I always do.”

___________________________________________________

Part 4

@perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @shinya-hiiragi @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @bamchickawowow @live-the-fangirl-life @ireallyshouldsleeprn @nahthanks @highqueenofelfhame @autophobiax @rowaelinismyotp @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @inardour @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @maastrash @aesthetics-11 @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace @elorcan-trash @loosingdreams @januarystears @emikadreams @swankii-art-teacher @thedarkdemigod @full-tilt-diva @biggestwingspan-az @bookstantrash @mari-highladyof-feels @pilesofriles @teddytdr

[zenyteehee]

WIP Tag Game

Tagged by the lovely @darlingandmreames thank you! 😄 i love doing these

Rules: List all your WIP titles, all meaning even the ones that are vague or nonsensical. Tag as many people as there are WIPs.

Hehe lol I don’t think I know that many people

Futuro - this is my angsty Encanto fic where I take all my problems out on very convenient characters. It also happens to be the work I’m most proud of and have had the most fun writing.

La Cosa Nostra - my gay Vincenzo fic that’s also about not romanticizing the mob and talking about family (found and blood.) And also extreme amounts of angst and trauma

How Do You Measure Seven Years - part 2 of my Kingdom series where I map out what happened in the seven year timeskip at the end of season 2. Basically an excuse to write more Changshin

Memory - the Fiery Priest, Sweet Music from Hae-il’s POV because I always wanted to write through his eyes and also had a lot I wanted to see play out but couldn’t put it in Sweet Music because Seong-kyu didn’t see it and Hae-il sure as fuck didn’t tell him. I’ve got a couple other ideas for this series too cuz if one thing will always be true, it’s that I’ll never stop having opinions about this show

Sinister Secrets of the House of Finwë - trashy niche fic for the Silmarillion. Mpreg. Enough said.

Snapshots of a Family - trashy niche fic for The Originals. I used to have a lot of opinions about it. Now I just need to rewatch the show and also rewrite the whole series cuz my writing changed so much. Mpreg.

“The star wars one” - dinluke. Luke in the battle of mos eisley cuz I wanted to talk about him having trauma from fighting the rancor the first time and also wanted him to confirm that grogu knows mando’a. Mpreg. Because I can. Kind of an AU for certain events in my other star wars series

It Wasn’t Love - Matteo/Luca Changretta from the Peaky Blinders cuz the line “even you, Matteo?” at the end of season 4 wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. Also an excuse to talk about first generation immigrants, language barriers, and being a part of two worlds but a member of none

Oh, Where Do We Begin? - obikin for my star wars series. I majorly fuck up canon. Also mpreg. Who tf do you think you’re talking to here 😂 also an excuse to talk about trauma. See previous sentence

“OHHHHH STAr wars” - “Ahsoka visits luke, right? yeah no, it’s bout time we talked about anakin. In my series” and that’s everything I have in my notes for it.

“Another idea for designated survivor” - in which everyone falls in love with Park Mujin because everyone did in the show. Seriously, look at how they look at him.

“Along with the Gods pt. 2” - a continuation of pt. 1. An excuse to write more smut

“Aguni/Takeru” - Alice in Borderland. You were thinking it too.

The Wrong Choices for the Right Reasons - part of my star wars series. In which Han Solo gets a chance to defend and explain himself

There Was No Child - Gotham. An excuse to write about trauma and other terrible things. This is my coping mechanism

“Of Faults and Sins” - Stranger Things. Something bad happens to Billy Hargrove and Hopper’s the only one who cares. More terrible things

“It Used to Be True” and “For the Job” - parts of my Blue Bloods series that I’ll probably never finish cuz my opinion on police has drastically changed since I first watched the show and wrote this, and now acab. But again. More terrible things

Pay the Price for Foolishness - Silmarillion mpreg. Mairon’s got a kid. I haven’t touched this since 2015 and probably still won’t.

Colic - star wars. Grogu gets colicky

And a note called “Fanfiction/Fiction ideas” that has another 34 half baked shit from 2012 and on, most of which I’ll probably never get to cuz it’s in fandoms I’m long out of

Lol, and all my encanto readers have lost all respect for me now 😂 then again I did make a disney movie into a story about major trauma so…🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh boy….let’s see, I’ll tag @xraiyax @cityofperpetualgloom @cookiedoei aaaaaand anyone else who wants to play! I think that’s fair enough, and unlimited number of people matched my unlimited number of ideas

[kenpachis-simp]

Manhwa recommendations

Pt 3/?

Rating them from 1 through 10

1 being the Lowest and 10 being the highest

(ALL MY PERSONAL OPINIONS!)

(None of the pictures are mine)

10/10✨🎊

Comedy at it's finest

They're both falling for each other but don't want to admit it

Burn the parents they don't deserve to breath

I just know that FL went through some dramatic shit

Chapters out: 44

My three tyrant brothers

5/10

The beginning got me like 👀👀👀

But then i went to 😀🙂😶

It was a bit predictable FL went through trauma you know is going to the "don't touch me or I'll scream" face

The brothers are fine af honestly 😩😩

Chapters out:22

9/10

She's got isekaid ⚰️

I don't like how she still trying to follow the main plot when she already made the ML fall in love with her

I feel bad for ML honestly 😭😭😭

She needs to learn how to let things go

Chapters out:27

I'm a stepmother but my daughter is just too cute!

10/10👑✨🎊

Mother and daughter relationship 🛐🛐🛐🛐

FL genuinely cares about her step daughter and i live for a motherly bond

ML is changing but needs no learn how to chill TF down

The chapter pase is quite slow but it's worth it

Comedy +romance+drama+2 or 4 hot man

Chapters out :24

I'll be the matriarch in this life

10/10!!!✨✨

GALLAHAN SUPREMACY 🛐🛐🛐🛐✨

The ML needs to appear more FR I've only seen him in 4 episodes but I'm getting spoiled by pictures

Reincarnated ofc ofc

I'm in it for her dad

I still can't wait for then to grow up 😭

Chapters out: 31

I will change the genre

10/10✨✨✨🎊

Give Luca an Oscar for top tier acting 👑

ANOTHER MOTHERLY VIBES

I forgot the hottie with black hair name

👩🏿‍💻 research time.....

RUDIGER!!! Hot man with black hair name🛐

Eudith is The FL (let's hope you spell he name like that)

Worth your time 100%

Chapter out : 17

I raised my childhood friend as a tyrant

8/10🥑

It came out recently but i have high expectations

She is too oblivious

He is literally telling you "i love you"

And She like "haha hello bestie"

😐😐😐 like no.

So far so good chapters are updating fast

Chapters out: 10

I'm done ✅

which manhwa/manga should i read next?🚶🏿‍♀️

Definitely should have handsome man🙃

There's thousands of manhwas/mangas so maybe I'll never stop posting

[yet-another-heathen]

Liliholm and Page — Masterpost

Whump | sci-fi whump, cyberpunk setting, superpower whump, hero-turned-whumpee, hero x villain, a terrifying villain who is both a defiant whumpee and the softest caretaker you've ever known (and who also happens to be his university's top psych professor), torture for revenge, hurt/comfort, trauma recovery

---

This series follows Wesley Page, a daring vigilante best known by his alias, Deimos. When he steals and exposes a massive library of blackmail owned by one of the city's worst villains, their entire criminal world goes on a manhunt to track him down. Captured and alone, Deimos is subjected to the revenge and torture of not just the man he stole from, but every villain whose crimes he exposed.

Does he have it in him to withstand their torture long enough to escape? And if so, will he still have the strength afterward to heal?

Chapters

The main storyline is written in semi-chronological order: every other chapter will alternate between Wes' captivity and his recovery.

I — ...Home

II — Separation

III — Movie Night

---

Car Chase & Aftermath

The Mat Room (nsfw)

Extubation

Depression

Thunder

Extras

Art — Henry [X] [X] Wesley [X]

Asks — [Wes' powers] [Henry's vision] [Murder Arm] [Therapy] [X] [X] [Wes and Henry's Builds] [Post-op Fluff]

Supporting Characters — [Pt. I]

Fanwork — [X] [X]

Moodboards — [X] [X]

Luca and Garcia — Masterpost

Whump | whumper POV, immortal whump, (nonbinary) whumper turned whumpee, body horror, gore, all hurt no comfort, torture, superpower whump, a dynamic duo of bastards that you hate to love [aro/ace friendly]

Chapters

Impact

Invasion Mini-series: [Pt. I] [X] [Pt. II] [X] [Pt. III] [X]

Extras

Faceclaims — [X] [Garcia's build]

[Garcia is a whore] [The Girls]

Series Content

Each chapter will be tagged with individual content warnings, but the following applies to the entire series:

1. Just some honest-to-god fucked up whump.

2. Graphic depictions of PTSD, written by someone with PTSD. This is a recovery story with a hopeful ending, but for those of you with past trauma please, please tread carefully. If there is anything that you'd like for me specifically to tag for, my inbox is ALWAYS open to you—please ask.

All chapters that contain NSFW 18+ content will be thoroughly tagged and marked. Minors, while you are free to interact with the remainder of the series to the extent of your comfort, please do not interact with any chapter labeled ‘NSFW’.

[phantom-curve]

probably should give this a title pt. 2

yooooo so I wrote this second lil blurb in the middle of the night and then I wrote 3,000 words for the next chapter of my novel and I’m just honestly thrilled that these writing exercises are working out so well for my creative process. and I’m mad happy ya’ll like this. it feels like such a silly little thing when I write it, but your responses make me feel like it’s so much more. thank you

adding the tag list at the top! lemme know if you wanna be added. @blue-hat-girl, @lwhoscribbles, @bluefyoto94, @5sosmukefan​, @moonlightxnder​ (really hope I did these right. I am not lying when I tell you I am the most technologically challenged millennial)

also, I’m really out of the fandom loophole so I’m still trying to figure out if it would be better to post this in it’s entirety to a website somewhere. how do you guys feel about ao3? would you prefer to read these posts there or do you like them being only on tumblr? please give me your feedback, I am but a humble internet granny at the mercy of your social media recommendations. 

The next day, as Julie was walking to school by herself, contemplating the mess that was her life now, a car pulled over next to her on the side of the road. At first, she ignored it. She pretended she didn’t hear the way the tires slowed, crunching on the gravel in the bike lane. She had her headphones in after all, it was a believable excuse. Then the sound cut off entirely. A door opened and closed, the thud echoing in the cool morning air.  

“Hey, Molina!”

His voice was loud enough that Julie would have been able to hear him even with the volume turned all the way up. Still, she continued on like she hadn’t noticed him. Her step never faltered down the path, a good 10 feet away from where his car was parked, still idling. Without warning, a warm hand grasped her left wrist.

“Julie.”

Her name was a caress, soft and warm as it wove its way into her ear. It was intimate in a way she didn’t feel fully comfortable with. She shivered, goosebumps rippling down her arms. He released his grip, but the ring his fingers had made around her wrist burned like a brand. Slowly, hands trembling ever so slightly, she reached up to remove her earbuds. She turned on her heel, eyes focused on his forehead, refusing to meet his eyes.

“Hey, Luke.”

One of his thick eyebrows rose, silently asking if she was really going to act like she hadn’t heard his approach. She stuck out her chin in response, forever her mother’s headstrong, stubborn twin. He puffed out his cheeks and then let his breath go on a slight chuckle, lips turning up at the edges, eyes crinkling. He swept his hands out in a grand gesture, showcasing the parked car behind them with a dramatic flourish.

“Need a ride to school?”

Her first instinct was to frown and give him an unequivocal “no”. She got as far as the frown before her eyes fully focused on the car, or more importantly, who was inside of the car. She didn’t have very long to study them before the other boys were climbing out of the passenger side and backseat of the car in perfect synchronization. Her frown intensified, brown eyes snapping to meet Luke’s earnest gaze.

“Hi Julie!”

A lean, dark-haired boy raised his leather jacket clad arm in a cheerful greeting. She felt her own arm raise without conscious thought, Reggie’s unbreakable cheerfulness pulling a response out of her despite herself. Her eyes skimmed over to the other boy. Alex’s shoulders slumped ever so slightly, blonde hair flopping into his eyes as he grimaced at her.

“Sorry. If it’s any consolation, I told him to just keep driving.”

“Sooooo, can we give you a ride?”

Julie’s attention was pulled back to the boy standing in front of her by his soft drawl. She studied him from head to toe, brow furrowing as she tried to decide what, exactly, he was playing at here. By the time she reached his face, she could tell he had figured out what she was doing. He gave a little scoff, shoulders rising in a defensive, self-deprecating move that she knew all too well. Better to insult yourself, act like none of it really mattered anyway, before someone else could stick the knife in.

He kicked one foot out, scuffing the dirt between them. He expected the no now, was practically banking on it. Something about his immediate response told her that he had been hearing it all his life, especially in those moments when he was offering up a vulnerable side of himself. Like right now. Julie studied the three faces before her, someone was missing – wasn’t there usually four of them? Her resolve cracked, splintering beyond recognition as she gave in with a long-suffering sigh. She had always been a sucker for band boys.

“Okay, fine.”

The smile that stretched across his lips shone with such an intensity Julie briefly wished she had sunglasses. It wasn’t fair that he was able to make his face that...that nice looking. How was she supposed to resist his kindness when he looked at her like that? With another over-the-top wave of his arms he led her towards the car.

“Your chariot awaits.”

The murmur was meant for her ears only, Luke leaning so close she could feel the heat from his breath against her ear. She shivered again, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. He smirked at her and seemed to almost bounce as he led her to the car. Reggie and Alex exchanged a quick high-five with him, Alex immediately relinquishing the front seat to Julie, brushing her argument aside when she tried to take the backseat instead.

“Passenger seat gets to control the radio. Consider it a musical education for our sweet little Lucas.”

Luke stuck his tongue out and gave an exaggerated roll of his eyes before leveling Julie with a surprisingly hot look over the top of the car. She gulped, unwilling to let herself be sucked in by the ever-present charm that seemed to ooze from his pores. She gave him a small nod and slipped into the passenger seat, buckling herself in before he could remind her. Reggie and Alex crowded in the back and once again Julie realized this band picture was incomplete.

“Where’s Bobby?”

The storm clouds that immediately rolled into the car told Julie this was exactly the wrong question to ask. For one single moment she regretted it, and then she decided, fuck it, her trauma and grief had been on open display for everyone to see for the last year. She deserved to pry a little bit into someone else’s life for once. Luke’s hands flexed on the wheel, his lips curling into his teeth. Reggie and Alex exchanged a quick look before the drummer leaned forward.

“Bobby...isn’t really a part of our band anymore. Turns out we had different...musical aspirations as it were.”

Luke gave a faint growl and Alex rolled his eyes. Reggie jumped to cover up the awkward silence.

“Enough about that, dude, how did your meeting with Ms. Harrison go yesterday?”

And now it was Sunset Curve’s turn to ask the worst question imaginable. Misery really did love company, eh? Julie felt herself shrink into the seat, knees curling into her chest as she fought to keep her breathing steady. Alex and Luke both groaned loudly, Alex’s hand darting out to smack the bassist’s arm hard enough to make an indent in the leather.

“We should get going or we’re gonna be late for school.”

The words scraped against the lump in her throat, barely rasping their way to the surface. Julie turned her face to look out the passenger side window, her dismissal clear in every tense line of her neck and jawline. Luke started the car, frustration evident in his jerky movements and fiery glances thrown into the rearview mirror. The engine started up loud enough to cause Alex to jump slightly. Reggie looked at the blonde boy next to him with confused desperation, had he stuck his foot in it again?, but the drummer just groaned and buried his face in his hands. Reggie dared one more glance at Julie’s stiff profile, clearly that meeting was a touchy topic. He caught Luke’s exasperated glare and suddenly understood that maybe asking Julie about the make-it-or-break-it music program meeting wasn’t the best idea this early on a Tuesday morning.  Luke rolled his eyes as he saw the realization dawn, but it was too late to do anything now. Julie had shut down in the passenger seat. In complete silence, they drove towards the high school.

[guardianreadersofthegalaxy]

My July ‘20 - June ‘21 film ranking:

1.       His House (AKA ‘Walls… I Scream’) – A Sudanese couple seek refuge in the UK, but are unable to escape the horror they left behind. It’s a tried and tested horror formula: a strained family unit try to come to terms with shared trauma against the backdrop of a serious social issue. But it’s really well executed. The understated tone left me unprepared for the brazenly nightmarish imagery.

2.       Sound Of Metal (AKA ‘Deaf Becomes Him’) – A punk drummer and recovering addict deals with a sudden and severe loss of hearing. I wish I’d gotten to see more of Riz Ahmed drumming with his shirt off but maybe that’s point? The sudden silence hits Ruben and the viewer like a tonne of bricks with ‘point of hearing’ sound design ensuring you empathise. Olivia Cooke is great too and the desperate romance between addicts really appealed to the angsty teen in me, until it resolves in an appropriately mature way.

3.       The Dig (AKA ‘Ralph Fiennes A Boat’) – On the eve of World War II, a wealthy widow hires excavator Basil Brown to dig up an Anglo Saxon burial mound. The stakes are low but it’s just nice to spend time in the countryside with these characters. I normally like shaky-cam and creative sound mixing but both are overused enough to be a bit distracting. Where director Simon Stone really shines is with his handling of the cast, who give some great naturalistic performances, particularly Ralph Fiennes who seems to be channelling Toby Jones.

4.       Nomadland (AKA ‘Van Clan Thank You Ma’am) – After losing her home, unemployed widow Fern takes to the road to join the American nomads. Why are non-actors so good at acting? This is pretty light on characterisation, to the extent that it wasn’t until halfway through that I started to get a grasp of Fern’s personality, but it makes up for that by immersing you in the nomad culture, as well as showing you tonnes of lovely nature porn. Paid for by the tourism board of Nevada.

5.       Mank (AKA ‘So What If It’s Not Citizen Kane?’) – Alcoholic screenwriter Herman J. Mankiewicz draws on his experiences of 1930s Hollywood while writing the screenplay for ‘Citizen Kane’. I was more interested than emotionally invested. The old timey aesthetic felt like a gimmick, and though it was cool to hear Nine Inch Nails playing jazz tunes, the black & white gave me a headache. The real highlight was the late Jack Fincher’s screenplay, with tonnes of snappy and insightful dialogue.

6.       A Quiet Place Pt. 2 (AKA ‘Now With Talking!’) Pursued by monsters with powerful hearing, the Abbot family struggle to survive after the apocalypse. Remind me to always see horror in the cinema from now on. The big screen and sound system, and your inability to pause for a pee break, make all the difference. Though I prefer the first ‘Quiet Place’, this was a scarier watch, by virtue of me seeing it in the theatre. ‘Pt 2’ mostly lives up to the original, but lacks the emotional punch of its ending, and suffers from being split into two plots that don’t overlap.

7.       In The Heights (AKA ‘I Am Not Throwing Away My Shop’) – An adaptation of the Tony award winning show about Washington Heights’ Latin American community. It’s not easy adapting a stage musical for the screen, particularly a good one. And while I’ll still credit Lin Manuel Miranda’s source material for any and all gooseflesh I got, director John M. Chu did a pretty respectable job, with some nice creative flourishes. A lot of changes were made, many to the film’s detriment, but some provided new opportunities for characterisation.

8.       Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom (AKA ‘I Miss Theatres’) – A 1920s Chicago blues band embark on a tumultuous recording session. This has all the strengths and weaknesses of a play. The spectacles of cinema are done away with in order to spotlight the many duologues and monologues in a way that feels unnatural for a film. But the source material is excellent and the cast definitely do it justice.

9.       Tenet (AKA ‘Taco Cat’) – A mercenary known only as ‘The Protagonist’ gets caught up with time travel, a Russian oligarch and the threat of Armageddon. This is way too long and the endless, inaudible exposition gets dull very quickly but the inventive and heart-racing action sequences more or less make up for that. The male actors all play their roles with charisma while Elizabeth Debicki is left to do the emotional heavy lifting.

10.   Saint Maud (AKA ‘I’m Walking On Thumb Tacks Oh-oh’) – A hospice nurse and recent Christian convert believes she must save the soul of her terminally ill patient. I never say this, but Saint Maud should have been longer. The first seventy minutes go for slow building tension but that leaves the last half hour with not enough time to bring things to a head. The creepy atmosphere is carried by the music and visuals more than the understated performance of the two leads.

11.   Luca (AKA ‘Started Out As A Fish, How Did I End Up Like This?) – Young sea monster Luca ventures onto dry land to see the world with his friend Alberto. It’s a much breezier story than Pixar’s ‘heavy hitters’ but there’s nothing wrong with that. The underwater animation was so beautiful I was disappointed when things moved to dry land but fortunately the seaside setting was just as evocative. Plot-wise, it’s pretty standard coming-of-age fare, with any pubescent ‘awakenings’ relegated to subtext.

12.   Soul (AKA ‘Jazz’) – A New York school band teacher struggles to escape the ‘Great Before’ in time to play a gig with his hero. This is absolute treacle to the eyes and ears as you’d expect from Pixar, and the narrative theme, of living for the sake of it rather than obsessing over your goals, is insightful and well delivered. The problem is that the story did too good a job of getting me invested in Joe’s hopes and dreams for me to be on board with his final epiphany. Perhaps it’s a lesson I still need to learn, and when I have, maybe I’ll appreciate ‘Soul’ more.

13.   News Of The World (AKA ‘Not Enough News’) – A travelling news reader takes a dangerous journey through post-civil war Texas to return a young girl to her relatives. This is one of the most unremarkable films I’ve ever seen. The plot is fine but predictable and its execution is forgettably competent across the board, with few distinguishing features. It adequately killed two hours of a lockdown evening, but then so would a screen of white noise.

14.   I’m Thinking Of Ending Things (AKA ‘The Arty-Farty Film For Clever Cloggses’) – A young woman goes to visit her new boyfriend’s parents as she contemplates ‘ending things’. This would have made a great short film in that it seems very deep and, for the 50 mins before I stopped watching, doesn’t really have a plot. Problem is it’s 135 mins long and I can’t take that much unbroken weirdness. Directing, acting and writing choices are all so offputtingly deliberate that watching it felt like listening to a band where every member is soloing at the same time.

15.   Uncorked (AKA ‘Billy Sommeliot’) – A young man from Memphis dreams of leaving his parents’ barbeque restaurant to become a sommelier. This is just kinda follows the formula of ‘young working class guy wants to do something his parents don’t approve of’. It’s competently made but not very imaginative and wastes the opportunity for some great food porn.

[peanutpinet]

Lee Taeyong (mafia leader) x Reader (female)

A/N: Hello everyone!! To everyone who has been liking and reblogging my Lucas fanfic, thank you so much!! I'm new to NCT so it's amazing to see people reading my fanfic :"

Ngl, while I've seen and known Lucas for some time, it was Taeyong that caught my eye in all of NCT (before more biases in future). This fanfic of Taeyong was inspired by a fanfic I read bout another member.

Quick summary: Basically Taeyong runs the whole NCT mafia and they're currently training the new recruits before they can be considered part of NCT (both male and female). You, Shotaro, Sungchan and Jisung were the higher ranks of the new recruits (though Jisung was already considered part of NCT).

Warnings: slight brutality (?) trauma, probably a bit of cursing and illegal businesses

A/N update (7th June' 22): here is link for Pt.2 - link

So, as mentioned in the summary, you, Sungchan, Shotaro and Jisung were considered the highest-ranking amongst the new recruits. Despite Jisung already being considered part of NCT, not everyone in NCT really allowed Jisung to join them unless it is a simple mission.

I'm getting ahead of myself, lol. Let's rewind a bit. Basically, NCT was a wholeass mafia that targeted all the dirty businesses; illegal bars, brothels, etc. While you can say that NCT works like a secret agency, they don't really follow the laws that much but at the same time, the government would occasionally ask them for help. Taeyong was the one that created and led the whole entire NCT.

NCT would open new recruitments from time to time, mainly the government told them to (let's just say it was part of the deal between the government and NCT). The government would help NCT in covering them, providing them everything they need whilst they were the ones that have to handle all the illegal businesses that were occurring and would have to train the recruits that the government provided to them. One of them was you.

You definitely stood out from all the new batch of recruits not only with your looks (note: everyone is beautiful ok, please don't think that you have to be a model/actress to be considered beautiful) but with your set of skills as well; which is how you were able to climb to be at the same ranking as Shotaro, Sungchan and Jisung, the three recruits that were transitioning to be an NCT member.

Not only that, the ones that taught the recruits all considered you their favourite student. Occasionally telling you stuff from the mission and entrusting you with some files; even asking you to help them out. One of which was Renjun and Xiaojun who takes care of the health department.

You were bringing some paperwork from Renjun who just finished the chemistry lab and he asked you to bring his papers to Xiaojun who was in the surgery room. However, the class that Renjun ended was very late and you didn't get enough sleep because you were up practising long-distance shooting (one of your weakness point). So you were basically running very low in energy and was slouchy until you bumped onto a broad chest, accidentally dropping all the paperwork Renjun sorted.

But instead of falling to the ground, you felt someone grabbed your hand, pulling you and another hand holding your waist, stabilizing your stance. Once you've regained your balance, you apologised constantly until you met up with the boss of NCT himself, Lee Taeyong.

"OMG!! I'M SO SORRY!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO!! I was just sleepy but that also shouldn't be an excused to bumping into you" you muttered, apologising as you bowed a good 90° and was expecting a scolding but got a chuckled instead

"No harm done. I should apologise as well. You're in the top rankers with Sungchan, Shotaro and Jisung, right?" Taeyong asked as you finally lifted your head, looking at his sparkling boba eyes

"E-eh? Yea...I guess you can say that. Though I'm nowhere near as good as them" you mumbled, remembering the paper you dropped, starting to pick them up

"I heard it from Xiaojun, Jaehyun and Mark. Speaking of which, were you delivering these to Xiaojun?" Taeyong asked, helping you by picking up some of the papers that were scattered by his feet

"Yeap. Renjun asked me to send them since he said he had other things to do" you admitted, trying to rearrange the papers

"You seemed tired though. Haven't been sleeping well?" Taeyong asked, handing you the papers he collected

"Oh thank you. No no, I'm used to it. No worries. I'll get going now. Sorry for the mishap" you mumbled, bowing to Taeyong as he gave you a slight nod

"Be careful and after you send the papers, go and rest. I'll be sure to tell Renjun to find someone else to do his work or at least have someone else to help you. You shouldn't have to do it all on your own. Have a good nights rest" Taeyong mentioned as you both went to your respective way

You couldn't help but be amazed at Taeyong's warm side since he appears cold most of the time that everyone but those in NCT was terrified of him, yourself included (well, at least before that incident). Not only that, Taeyong actually stay true to his words about Renjun making you do lots of his side works. Because ever since the incident and you handing Xiaojun the papers, you felt that both Renjun and Xiaojun would make sure to not overwork you and both of them would do their side works along with you instead of making you do all of them on your own.

But today was not one of those days. Renjun had a full day of teaching whilst Xiaojun had to join with the WayV unit for a mission and requested you to take care of the surgery aka clinic room; which you didn't mind that much. Despite constantly worrying that Taeyong would kill him, you told Xiaojun that he has a legitimate reason to leave you alone. You also added the fact that he has taught you a thing or two about medical stuff. Like how to patch someone up when they got shot, how to help people who got food poisoning, etc.

The truth was, you never really believed how useful these skills were until today; the day Xiaojun had to leave for a mission whilst Renjun was busy with a full day of teaching. You just finished your class with Jeno and Jaemin about agility and combat battle and was just chilling in Xiaojun's clinic, reading the sticky note he left on the desk when you heard the doors being barged open; shocking you until you saw who was the one that came in. It was Johnny and Yuta helping an injured Taeyong into the clinic.

"Wh-what happened?" you asked, rushing over to see Taeyong's limp body which you ushered Yuta to help place him on the bed

"Where's Xiaojun?" Johnny asked back

"He's out on a mission with WayV" you answered, helping Yuta lay Taeyong down

"Renjun?" Yuta asked

"Full day of teaching" you replied, observing Taeyong's slightly bruised yet still gorgeous face

"The two of them left you alone?" Taeyong managed to blurt out, raising his head a bit

"Lay back down, you're hurt. Plus, Xiaojun taught me what he knows, always saying that I may need it someday. What happened? Was it a hit (a murder)?" you questioned, looking for injuries and saw blood on his shoulder

"You can say that. I got shot on the shoulder. Really need to get the bullet out and stitch it. Can you do it?" Taeyong asked softly

"You're allowing her to do it? No offence. We've heard great things about you but this is quite serious. One mishap and he could lose more blood" Yuta blurted, making your heart beat faster, worried that you may not be the right person to actually do the job

"Xiaojun and Renjun trust her. So why shouldn't we? It's not like those two never make any mistakes. I trust you. Do whatever you need to. Just get the bullet out and stitch it" Taeyong instructed and you went to grab all the tools to do the job whilst you asked Johnny to help Taeyong take off vest and shirt

"That's a huge hole, you sure you trust me with this?" you questioned, putting on your gloves

"Yea. The longer we wait, who knows how bad the infection will be. Go ahead" Taeyong muttered as he was now lying face down, his back was fully exposed to you

"Okay. I'll get started now" you mumbled, taking a deep breath as you proceed

To say you were nervous was an understatement. You were almost shaking if it weren't for Johnny giving you some encouragement whilst Yuta nods, agreeing you to do the procedure. As you were trying to pull the bullet out, you can hear Taeyong's groans but once it was out, both you and Taeyong simultaneously sigh with relief. You put the bullet onto the surgical tray before beginning to clean and patching up the wound.

Once you were done, you threw your gloves before grabbing the cast to wrap around Taeyong's upper body to cover up the wound. You didn't realise how close you were to him until you turn to wrap the cast around the front part of his chest and him calling out to you; especially since Johnny and Yuta have left.

"You know. For someone who has only been taught about this and just did it for the first time, you're excellent" Taeyong commented, grabbing your attention

"I, uh, th-thank you. I was definitely worried if I might've accidentally killed my own boss" you mumbled but quickly slapped your mouth as you realised what you just said but Taeyong just laughed

"Nah, I trust you. Thank you, really. I can see why Xiaojun and Renjun trusted you" Taeyong mumbled, pushing your bangs out of your face

"The-they were the one that taught me, so, I guess you should praise them for being amazing teachers as well" you managed to utter before going back to wrapping the cast

"Though, I heard that you were struggling with the shooting lesson, why's that? Did you get your eyesight tested?" Taeyong shifted the conversation

"Yea, I got my eyesight tested and got glasses and contacts. And, there, you're good to go. When you shower, do be careful and be sure to let either Renjun or Xiaojun know" you reminded

"Of course. I'll be sure to let them know. When is your shooting class, btw?" Taeyong asked as he tried to put on his jacket since it's easier than putting a shirt on

"Ummm, Monday morning but I like to practice it whenever I can" you mentioned, helping Taeyong put his jacket on, leaving nearly no space between the both of you

"I should make a mental note to check the actual classes myself whenever I can, then" Taeyong mumbled, but it was loud since there was only the both of you

"You don't trust your members, is it?" you chuckled, shaking your head

"They can be a bit, wild. So, I should really check on the classes and some of the new recruits. If I have some more free time, I might just check up on your solo practice. Consider it as thank you for patching me up" Taeyong muttered, you can feel his breath right by your face

"It, it's nothing, really. Plus, you must have lots of other things to do since you are technically the boss" you stuttered, looking away

"Doesn't mean that I don't have any free time. Plus, I have a few right-hand men. They often help me. As you can tell with Johnny and Yuta" Taeyong chuckled

"It's definitely nice to have others to share your difficulties" you mumbled but Taeyong heard what you said

"Yo!! TY, are you done?! We got some problems with those new recruits. Jeno and Jaemin are trying their best to tame them" Johnny shouted, barging in, startling you in the process as Taeyong placed a hand on your shoulder

"Yea, I'll be there. We'll talk some other time, hmm? Thanks for patching me up" Taeyong smiled, patting your head as he walked towards Johnny

"Sure thing boss" you stated, bowing

"Um, Taeyong. Call me Taeyong" Taeyonng mentioned, slightly tilting his head back to face you, a smile crept on his face before leaving

It's been 2 weeks since Taeyong got shot and he actually came to several of the classes, mainly at the time where you were in the class. Whether it was during chemistry, hacking/coding, physical training or even during lunch breaks where he would just stay by the corner, talking with some of the NCT members. Unfortunately, Taeyong was always not able to attend your shooting class. But that doesn't mean he couldn't see you practising on your own.

One faithful night, you were in the shooting room to do your annual shooting practice. You were setting up your targets, bullets and guns along with other equipment like goggles, gloves and earmuffs. You were just starting to shoot for a few minutes when you sighed, about to take a break when you heard someone talking; immediately, pointing the gun in the direction of the person.

"It's interesting how your stance, gesture and even gaze were just about perfect yet, you still missed the target" a voice mentioned as you pointed the gun towards the person that slowly walked under the light, revealing Taeyong

"B-boss..." you muttered, lowering your gun

"Haish. I thought I said to just call me Taeyong. Is alright, I know it's hard. But yea. It is definitely interesting, just like what Jaehyun said" Taeyong stated as he stopped right in front of you

"Teacher Jaehyun?" you questioned

"He said that he just can't seem to figure out what's wrong. He checked your posture, stance, your eyesight, glasses, even the equipment. But nothing. So, I'm here to see it for myself" Taeyong mentioned as you just looked down at the gun

"I, I guess I'm just not good at everything" you sighed

"No one can always be good at everything. But there's no harm in trying. Just shoot again. I'll observe up-close. Jaehyun couldn't really observe you personally, so, I thought I'd do it. Now, go and shoot" Taeyong instructed as you began to shoot at the target, yet missed it

"Did you have any bad experience with guns? Past trauma, perhaps?" Taeyong questioned, looking at the shots you made

"I, I don't think so. I never close my eyes when shooting..." you mumbled but Taeyong cut you off

"No, you don't. But your fingers and ears seemed to tell a different story. Just as you were about to pull the trigger, your thumb may unconsciously redirect the aim, making you miss the target" Taeyong explained as you took a step back from your standing point

Taeyong then grabbed the gun from you and shot at the target on the head, both eyes, throat, heart, stomach and private areas. The sound of the guns didn't scare you, but more so where they landed that made your heart unconsciously beat faster.

"Everywhere I shot was a person's most vital points. Your aim was just like mine. But if my hypothesis is true, you redirected the aim just by mere centimetres, missing the vital points. Even places that you are most likely to hit, the stomach. You instead hit more upwards, right near the kidney. Not an extremely vital point. Why is that?" Taeyong questioned, turning his head towards your now quivering body

"I...I don't know. At least, I don't remember any incident" you stuttered as Taeyong stepped closer towards you yet it made you stumble backwards but Taeyong quickly grabbed you by the waist as he put the gun down, brushing strands of your hair out of your face

"I'm not going to hurt you. And I'm not going to force or pressure you to remember what happened. If you can't shoot, it's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Please know that it's completely fine with having a trauma. It doesn't make you any less than the others. Instead, it proofs how strong you are. Whenever you remember or want to talk, you can find me, okay?" Taeyong reassured you, cupping one of your cheeks, making you look at his soft boba eyes

"I'll let Jaehyun know my hypothesis and tell him to cut you some slack. For now, just take a rest. I know you've been pushing yourself very hard considering the upcoming test is just a week away. I reassure you that there's nothing wrong with you. You're human like everyone else. C'mon, let's get some rest, alright? It's getting very late" Taeyong suggested as you just nodded, allowing Taeyong to guide you back to your room where everyone was already asleep

One week has passed since Taeyong suggested that you might have had a trauma in the past that made you always miss your shots. Taeyong also suggested you to see Ten for consultation and even told the rest of NCT about the possibilities of the recruits having some sort of trauma that may be the reason why some of them excel better than others. This discovery allowed NCT to slightly alter the upcoming exams, allowing recruits with traumas to be consulted beforehand, and if they were triggered, they would be excused from certain exams like you with shooting.

But despite being excluded from the shooting exam, you still excel in the other exams, allowing you to be in the top ranks one last time with Shotaro, Sungchan and Jisung; right before the three of them are officially part of NCT. To celebrate their promotion, you got a cake for the three of them and was about to ask the cafeteria people if they could keep it for you but as you made your way to the kitchen of the cafeteria, you were stopped by Courtney (random name) and her lil gang of terror.

She and her little gang have never been fond of you, Shotaro, Sungchan and Jisung (essentially, all of the teacher's favourites, for obvious reasons). They have always been 2nd best compared to the four of you and would sometimes get in trouble for trying to flirt with some of the teachers or get into some random fight (especially in combat battles).

"So, who's this for? Lee Taeyong? Our boss?" Courtney questioned, taking the box of cake you were bringing

"No. It's for my friends, who, unlike yours are actually genuine friends. So, give it back. I'm not in the mood to pick a fight" you growled, looking at her gang death in the eyes

"Oh?! But our sources tell us that you've been hanging a lot with our boss. Could it be the reason why you still get the top score despite not joining the shooting exam? What? You let him get in your pants?" Courtney scoffed as her gang just chuckled while you were already bawling your fists

"You can say whatever you want about me but not Tae--our boss. You're just asking a death wish" you fought back, just glaring at them

"Wow, you even nearly called him by his first name. What? You created some sort of love potion in his food and convinced him that you have a trauma with guns? I pity you" Courtney argued, "accidentally" dropping the cake on the ground

"Maybe if you and your gang cared about paying attention in class just as much as the gossip around the base, maybe you would've done better" you clapped back, earning some gasps from the crowd that were starting to surround all of you

"Why you bit--" Courtney cursed and was about to hit you when you grabbed her wrist

"See my point?" you scoffed, pushing her back as her gang helped her

"That's how you want it to be? I'm warning you. You should apologise. Your lil friends aren't here to save your ass" Courtney sassed as she signalled her group to surround you

"This is between you and me. Plus, my friends shouldn't have to get their hands dirty for some makeup stain from your excessive makeup" you challenged, preparing your stance

"Get her!!" Courtney shouted as her gang began to launch at you

Jisung's POV

Despite wanting to spend our "last" lunch with (Y/N) before the three of us are officially part of NCT, we were called by the staff for our final fitting for the NCT uniform during the first half of lunch break. But the minute all three of us were done, we quickly thank the staff and raced to go to the cafeteria.

"Last one there have to do the chores for a month in our new dorm" Sungchan exclaimed as the three of us rushed to the cafeteria

"Hey!! That's not fair!! You got a head start!!" Shotaro protested but kept on running either way

But when we were about to reach the cafeteria, we could already hear commotion right from outside of the door. Confused, we opened it to see almost the whole cafeteria become a huge circle. Curious, we tried to jump to see what was going on until one of the cafeteria staff came up to us and explained the situation, how (Y/N) was fighting Courtney and her gang.

"You have to stop her gang. (Y/N) may be strong but there's almost 10 of them. She'll get tired. One of you should find some members of NCT as well" the cook of the cafeteria suggested, worried can be heard from her voice

"(Y/N)!!!" Sungchan shouted, grabbing the whole entire cafeteria, making the crowd in front of us slightly parted

However, right when Sungchan was about to go and get (Y/N) out of there, some of Courtney's gang covered the fight but we managed to see Courtney took advantage of (Y/N)'s distracted state, landing quite a punch on her face, making (Y/N) fall.

"JISUNG!! GO FIND THE HYUNGS!!" I heard Sungchan shouted as he attempted to break Courtney's group that blocked the fight

"Go, I'll help Sungchan. You have to find Taeyong-hyung, especially. I heard that he and the MAW (make a wish) unit just came back from a mission" Shotaro suggested, pushing me towards the door

As I rushed out, I heard Shotaro shouted for me to be careful. Not knowing what he meant until I heard several footsteps right behind me. Turning my head for a bit, I saw two men from Courtney's gang trying to catch up to me. Knowing that there was only one place where NCT would be when they came back for a mission and that there was only one way to that room unless you are part of NCT, I had no choice but to run as fast as I could.

Whilst running, I heard gunshots being fired. Looking back, I saw the two men holding guns in their hand. This is bad. I was basically an open target because I had to cross a bridge from the cafeteria building all the way to the transportation building. I tried my best to dodge the shots but apparently got one of my leg grazed by one of the bullets, making me fall right near the end of the bridge.

"Don't worry, we won't kill you. But we do have to make sure you keep your mouth shut" one of them stated, pointing the gun right towards my face

"They're going to find out either way. It's best for you to admit right now before you get into a whole different level of trouble" I suggested, hoping that one of the Hyungs come out of the building

"Which is why we're just going to keep you all in a room, telling everyone that there was a mole amongst the recruits" the other one spoke

Just as they both took another step, we all heard several gunshots being fired off, hitting both their guns as we all look towards the direction of the shot. Relieve soon washed over my face as I saw Jaehyun-hyung and Xiaojun-hyung firing off the gunshot. But when I turned to see the two male, their faces turned pale as they realised who fired off the gunshots, immediately making a run for it but I saw Taeyong-hyung nudging both Lucas-hyung and Jaemin-hyung to catch the two male.

"Are you alright?" Doyoung-hyung asked, helping me stand up but I wince in pain, remembering the scar I got

"I, I'm fine. Don't worry about me" I managed to state

"You're clearly not. Doyoung, go with Xiaojun and patch Jisung up whilst I have a word with those rascals" Taeyong-hyung instructed, clearly pissed

"Hyung, wait!! You have to help (Y/N). Those two were part of Courtney's group. They have (Y/N) surrounded. Sungchan and Shotaro were trying to get them to break off but it's not working" I blurted, making all the Hyungs eyes widen

"Where are they?" Taeyong-hyung demanded

"Caf-cafeteria. I don't know what exactly happened. The three of us just got there and it was already happening" I explained

"Jaehyun, get Jeno and Johnny, now!! Doyoung, Xiaojun, patch Jisung" Taeyong-hyung ordered, clicking his gun as he and Jaehyun-hyung left me with Xiaojun-hyung and Doyoung-hyung

"(Y/N), stay strong. They're coming to save you" I prayed

Back to the regular POV

For the first few minutes, you managed to dodge all of their attacks, also firing off some punches back. And while a lot has considered you strong, you were still human and humans have their limits. You were starting to grow tired up until you heard your name being called out by none other than Sungchan.

"(Y/N)!!!" you heard Sungchan shouted, grabbing the whole entire cafeteria, making the crowd in front of you slightly parted

"Sung-sungchan?" you mumbled, clearly distracted, allowing Courtney to fire off a good punch on your face, making you land on the floor, holding your cheek as you felt the burn from the punch

Right then and there, all the noises you heard become muffled. Some memories you never knew you had were starting to flow. It's like deja vu. You blinked and slowly looked up to see a gun being pointed straight to your face alongside a vivid memory filling your eyes as if you were switching channels between two similar shows.

At this point, you were stunned, paralyzed even. You just sat there, hands instinctively on the ground, ready to help your fallen body retreat but you just couldn't. Your mind was screaming for you to get out of there, your ears were shut off, blocking every single voice as your eyes just froze at the sight of the gun in front of you; recalling a memory you were hypnotized to forget.

As the memory was replaying, you felt tears beginning to fill your eyes, blurring your vision. Until you heard a gunshot being fired off. But it wasn't from the gun that was pointing at you. Instead, the bullet hit the gun, throwing it out of the holder's hand. Searching for the person that fired it off, you were met with those boba eyes. The same eyes that may seem just as soft as bobas have turned hard, seemingly like the opening of a gun, ready to fire off bullets at your attacker.

Your eyes followed the male's every movement that was followed by 5 other men. 2 of which were now next to you. However, your ears still couldn't hear anything until the male you've been watching turned his head towards you, his eyes turning back to the soft boba eyes you knew and hearing your name being called out; immediately snapping you back to reality. But because your nerve system just functioned back, there was too much information for your brain to take in that your body started to shut down, blacking out.

Taeyong's POV

Right when I heard about (Y/N) being involved in a fight, something in me just snapped. I ordered Jaehyun to get Jeno and Johnny just in case for backup. I even loaded my gun, not even replying to Jaehyun who was questioning me why I have my gun loaded.

As we almost arrived at a secret entrance of the cafeteria, we met up with Jeno and Johnny. I instructed them to make sure no one left the scene until I leave and they nodded without questioning since Jaehyun must've explained the situation to them whilst I was busy loading my gun.

The four of us then went through the secret entrance, which was on the 2nd floor of the cafeteria. Immediately, our attention was on the people right in the center of the circled crowd. But for me, my attention was immediately towards (Y/N) who seemed to be paralyzed as a gun was pointed right in front of her.

Without thinking, I positioned my gun, firing off a bullet that hit the gun, even grazing the skin of the holder's hand as blood was seen to be dripped onto the white floor. While normally I would be angered by this mess, I was actually pleased at the sight. Especially when that lil gang's faces shifted from anger to horror the minute they saw I shot the gun.

"Don't any of you dare leave this place" Jaehyun commanded as he noticed some of the recruits trying to flee the scene

As we made our way downstairs, the sea of recruits parted from both our end and at Sungchan and Shotaro's end. Both Shotaro and Sungchan immediately went to each of (Y/N)'s side, trying to snap her out of some sort of hynotisation.

"(Y/N)..." I muttered, looking back at her as did Jaehyun, Jeno and Johnny with worried gaze

The second I called out to (Y/N), she seemed to snap out of her thoughts, looking back at me before her body failing her as she passed out in both Sungchan and Shotaro's arms. And as much as I would want to be the one to bring her and take care of her, I knew I had to put these rascals in their place.

"Both of you, take her to Xiaojun. He and Doyoung are there patching up Jisung. They should be done so, they should be able to help her. Stay with her until further notice. Dismissed" I instructed as the two young ones carried (Y/N) out of the cafeteria, making the whole situation tensed once more

"Try your best to not kill them" Johnny reminded me

"Killing them would be to easy. And you know how much I hate the easy way out. Clearly you've been to nice with your punishments" I shouted, making sure all the recruits hear me

"Now. Care to explain to us how the hell did you have a loaded gun out of class?!" I demanded, clicking my gun as I pointed it at the rascals

"We, we just founded some..." of them spoke but I shot right by their hair, only making some of their hair fall

"I'll give you one more chance. ALL OF YOU!! You should all know. I never miss a target" I growled and immediately some of the rascals, mainly 4 girls and 1 man, got on their knees and admitted everything whilst the girl in the center, assuming Courtney and two men were just glaring at them

"Jaehyun, I'll leave these ones (pointing at the ones on their knees) to you. While the rest of you better come to my office at 10 p.m sharp. If any of you are late by even a second, I ensure you that your punishment will be worst than death to the point you'd wish you never crossed the line or even beg for me to kill you right now. AND THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS ROOM!! If we catch any of you acquiring something without any legal reasoning or proof of the reasoning, starting a fight or "purposely" hurting a fellow recruit or even spreading false rumours about each other; you'll all wish to be punished by your teachers as many times as they'd like rather than punished by me for one time only. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!" I shouted, earning an immediate response from everyone in the cafeteria

"Good. CLEAN THIS MESS THEN GET BACK TO CLASS!!" I ordered, leaving the scene to Jeno and Johnny as Jaehyun brought the 4 female and 1 male to the teacher's office

After helping Jaehyun making sure the 5 rascals didn't try to escape as we brought them to the teachers' room, I barged in, grabbing all of the remainders of NCT's attention who all have question marks popping from their head.

"I'll keep it simple. They were involved in a fight against (Y/N) and had access to loaded guns. At the very least, these 5 did admit how they got the guns and what sort of happen prior to the fight. I entrust their punishment in your hands. And also, why the hell did none of you know that there was a fight in the cafeteria?! This better not happen ever again!! Especially when some of us are off on a mission!! Understood?!" I scolded the ones left to take care of the whole base

After leaving the room, I straight went to Xiaojun's surgery room, barging in as Xiaojun was nowhere to be seen but the three new members of NCT, Sungchan, Shotaro and Jisung. The three of them stood up and bowed to me which I quickly bowed back; asking them where did Xiaojun go.

"Where's Xiaojun?" I questioned, looking around

"He's back there. He told us to wait out here as he takes care of (Y/N)" Shotaro mentioned

"We've been waiting for almost an hour now and..." Jisung added as we heard the door from the back of the room open, revealing Xiaojun in his surgical uniform

"How is she?" I immediately asked as Xiaojun took his gloves and mask

"She's fine. I think it was a shock from what happened. I asked Ten about it and he said that she was triggered, shocking her body and paralysing her for a moment until you sort of broke the trigger. But when she snapped back, everything was too much for her body to handle, her neurons carried too much information, making her body shut down. She's stable right now, don't worry. You all can go see her. I'll be off to freshen up. Honestly, not what I expected after coming back from a mission but hey, there's never a dull moment when you're in NCT. I'll see you all later" Xiaojun mentioned, leaving me with the younger ones

"C'mon, let's see her together" I muttered, reassuring the young ones that it's alright to go in

Once the four of us were inside, we noticed (Y/N) sleeping on the bed, some wires were hooked to her hand. Jisung and I went to one side of the bed whilst Shotaro and Sungchan went to the other side. No one really spoke a word until I finally broke the silence.

"I hope that none of you blame yourselves for what happened. You were not in the area when it did and when you did arrive, you tried your best to break it off, some even got hurt. I ensure you that it was none of your faults and I will put them in their places" I stated, grabbing the younger ones' attention

"B-boss, I meant, Hyung-ah. We should've been able to break the fight. In a real battle, there might be cases where we would be outnumbered and today, we didn't really prove that we deserve to be part of NCT" Jisung mumbled, as he and the other two lowered their heads

"Don't be like that. I'm sure (Y/N) wouldn't really want you to hear that when she wakes up. There's a reason why we decided to promote the three of you. It's not always about skill, you know. Like you mentioned, when it comes to the real battle, it's different. There are times where you might've miscalculated. But the important thing is that you don't forget your team and work it out together, regardless of the outcome" I tried to encourage, patting Jisung's back, looking over at the other two across me

"C'mon, enough with the long faces. How bout you all go freshen up. I'll be here to watch over (Y/N). Go on" I told them, nudging all three of them to go to their rooms and freshen up, now left alone with (Y/N)

"Sorry that you had to experience that on your own. It must be scary, hmm?" I whispered, grabbing a chair as I sat right next to (Y/N)'s bed, stroking her cheek

"Don't worry, you're alright now. You're safe. No one would be able to hurt you, I'll make sure of it. You take a good rest, alright? But not for too long, everyone will be worried" I mentioned as if (Y/N) could hear me

"You won't be stuck within those recruits for long. The guys and I have requested for you to be the first female to be part of NCT; though it's taking a while to be processed, you will be part of NCT very soon. You won't have to part ways with your three friends for too long. Also, you'll be mainly be helping Xiaojun and be part of the medic team for missions, that way, we all can be here to watch over you; including me" I explained, grabbing (Y/N)'s closest hand in between my hands, kissing her knuckles and rubbing them

"Yea, hopefully, we won't see any lovey-dovey action right in front of us; especially in my lab" I heard Xiaojun muttered

"No promises. Do you mind looking after her? I have to go shower then need to finish some paperwork done whilst figuring out what would be the best punishment for those five rascals that didn't try to admit their mistakes" I growled

"I'm sure you have like 127 ideas running around in your head. But yea, go and freshen up. I don't need more bloodstains around here. Plus, the three youngsters are in front. They said that they didn't want to come in and bother you" Xiaojun chuckled as I stood up

"Oh? Is that so? Guess I've been here for quite some time. I'll send them in. Let me know if she wakes up. I'll be back with some paperwork cause I also need you to go over some stuff" I stated

"Sure thing Tae. See you later then" Xiaojun mentioned as I left the room, not forgetting to let the three new members in the room, giving them a reassuring smile and slightly messed up their hair before leaving to freshen up

Back to Normal POV

After Taeyong went back to his room to freshen up, he took all the paperwork he had to do and headed back to Xiaojun's lab where Xiaojun and the three new NCT members. Knowing that he might be in the lab for quite some time with the other four, he decided to order some food for all of them; even saving some for (Y/N) as if they expect her to wake up some time that day.

Despite seemingly busy, Taeyong would occasionally comment on whatever conversation the three new members and Xiaojun were having; nearly forgetting that he was the boss of a mafia. When it was near the time for Taeyong to finally confront the five recruits that caused trouble, he sighed, taking his glasses off and telling the others that he had to leave soon.

"Sorry to inform so sudden but I have to leave soon. It's 9 and I have yet to know what to do with those 5 imbeciles" Taeyong groaned, combing his hair back, leaning onto the chair

"Hyung-ah, c-can, we come with you?" Jisung mentioned, making their leader cock an eyebrow, looking at Xiaojun for some sort of answer

"We want to confront them as well!! (Y/N) is our best friend. And no one should get away for what they did to her" Sungchan stated

"Are you sure you won't kill them? We still need them, unfortunately" Taeyong sighed

"I don't see any harm in bringing them, Tae. I mean, Johnny, Yuta, Jeno and Jaehyun would be there, right?" Xiaojun asked

"Yea. Essentially making sure that I, myself don't kill them. Taeil, Mark, Doyoung and Jungwoo are handling the other five rascals whilst Lucas, Kun, Haechan and Jaemin are keeping an eye on the recruits" Taeyong mentioned

"We promised we won't kill them. Though, no promises in not hurting them" Sungchan stated, standing up alongside the other two

"I admire your will. Alright, you can come. Plus, your hyungs will be there in case any of you or even I go berserk" Taeyong chuckled, standing up as well

"Well, have fun, Ten is coming to keep my company also just in case if (Y/N) wakes up" Xiaojun stated

"Sure thing. Oh, here, I brought a hoodie and some sweatpants for (Y/N), just in case she wakes up. When she does wake up, just inform any of us" Taeyong commented, handing Xiaojun some of his clothing

"Sure thing. Have fun all of you, don't beat them up too much" Xiaojun exclaimed as Taeyong and the three new members went out of the room and into Taeyong's office

After Taeyong left, Xiaojun went back to finish some reports he had to make whilst they were on their mission. Not long after, Ten came into the room, bringing some snacks and drinks. The two men then just talked about the possibilities of punishment Taeyong was gonna do towards the recruits when they heard a groan coming from the other room, the room where you were in.

"I think she's awake" Ten mentioned, looking over to Xiaojun

"You think? Contact Jae cause I'm pretty sure Taeyong is interrogating the recruits" Xiaojun instructed, rushing over to you who had just woken up

"Wh-where am I?" you questioned

"Glad to see you awake (Y/N). How are you feeling?" Xiaojun mentioned as Ten helped you sit on your bed

"Xiaojun? Eh? Teacher Ten, what are you doing here?" you asked

"You passed out during lunch and got hit quite badly on your face. Do you remember anything?" Xiaojun asked

"Right. Courtney managed to punch me then I felt I was paralysed? Taeyong and some others came then I passed out. Guess that's all I remember" you mumbled, holding your head in your hands

"Don't worry, you just passed out for a few hours. It hasn't been one day. Also, Tae left a hoodie and sweats for you to change into when you wake up" Xiaojun mentioned, handing you Taeyong's clothes

"Th-thank you. Where is he? Taeyong, I mean" you mumbled

"He's in a..." Xiaojun was about to answer before Ten pulled him back

"How bout you change first (Y/N), we'll take you right to him after" Ten replied to you, dragging Xiaojun out of the room to his "office"

"What was that?! We can't just let her go into that..." Xiaojun scolded

"Listen. It's best for both of them. (Y/N) is not mentally that stable and Taeyong was the one to snap out of that trauma memory. As for Taeyong's side, how sure are you that he won't "kill" the recruits, he's for sure going to break them. Having (Y/N) there means he'll be calmer and won't be so rash" Ten explained

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Xiaojun contemplated

"Positive. Plus, the others are in that room. With (Y/N) there, those recruits wouldn't dare to do anything. Taeyong and the others will be watching their every move and what word will come out of their mouths. It's not just a good idea, it's the best idea" Ten exclaimed

"Xiaojun? Ten? Are you there? I'm done changing. C-can I go see Taeyong?" you questioned, opening the door slightly

"Of course (Y/N)!! Come, let's take you to him!!" Ten cheered, going behind you whilst Xiaojun is beside you just in case if you suddenly fall again

Over at Taeyong's side, he, the three new members, Johnny, Yuta and Jeno were there to "welcome" the recruits that caused the whole mess in the first place. Lucky for them, Jaehyun actually managed to get all five of them to arrive at Taeyong's office by 10pm sharp, all the men in the room immediately had an intense stare towards the recruits as Jaehyun proceed to lock the door.

"Impressive. How did you get the five of them here on time?" Taeyong asked, leaning onto his chair

"I don't think if I explain to you, you would believe me" Jaehyun joked

"Fair point. Since you all arrived on time, I'll be a bit lenient. I'll enlighten your punishment if you admitted what you did, tell me the whole entire story on how you had a loaded gun to the point you even pointed it at a fellow recruit. Tell me, did you actually plan on shooting her?" Taeyong questioned, but no answer came

"Pretty sure they were. It's impossible when a loaded gun is only used to scare someone off" Sungchan scoffed

"Sungchan" I warned, looking at the recruits who all had their head hung low

"Sorry. It's just, I'm sure that it was all planned" Sungchan sighed

"I don't blame you for saying that. Actually, I heard that you were actually talking about me, Courtney. And by my full name" I mentioned, as the girl Taeyong called out twitched

"I, it, it slipped sir" Courtney stuttered

"Is it? What was it that you say about me? Care to say it? I'd love to know what you think of my personal life" Taeyong scoffed, scaring the girl

Just before any of them said anything more, there was a knock on the door of the office. Jaehyun, who was the closest to the door, opened it slightly as Taeyong was slightly pissed that someone was interrupting his sweet time in tormenting the recruits. Until he heard that it was you by the door, along with Ten and Xiaojun.

"Xiaojun? Ten? And..(Y/N)?! You're awake already?" Jaehyun exclaimed, grabbing everyone's attention in the room

"Hey Jae. (Y/N) wanted to see Taeyong. So, we brought her here" Ten exclaimed as Xiaojun shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose

"Well, I would allow it but like, we're in a meeting and I'm not sure if Tae would..." Jaehyun tried to explain before Taeyong cuts him off

"Let her in" Taeyong stated as Jaehyun began to open the door widely, allowing Xiaojun and Ten to help you go into the room and right in front of Taeyong

"Hey, you alright. Anything wrong?" Taeyong asked, grabbing both your arms, pulling you so you were standing in between his legs

"Was, was just worried. I wanted to apologise" you mumbled

"You got nothing to apologise for. Ten, Xiaojun, you can go. She'll be fine here with us" Taeyong stated, looking over to Xiaojun and Ten who just bowed

"Call us if you need anything" Xiaojun mentioned right before he and Ten left

"You hungry? We left some food for you back at your room" Taeyong whispered softly as he guided you to sit on his lap, basically making him cradle you

"No. Umm, why are they here?" you questioned, slightly looking at the very people who harmed you

"Just a little interrogation. If you can't take it and go, I'll let you go. I just want a bit of confirmation from you, is that alright?" Taeyong whispered in your ear as you buried your face in the crook of his neck

"Okay..." you muttered, feeling a smirk growing on Taeyong's face

"Now, I hope you'd answer the truth from now on. No one harms anyone in this base, especially anyone from NCT and that includes (Y/N) and gets away with it. If you won't answer me truthfully, guess I'll just have to discipline all of you the hard way" Taeyong growled, looking death straight at the five recruits but his hand caressing your waist, calming your nerves

A/N: wow, this turned out longer than expected. I did not mean to make it this long but that was the idea that was stuck in my head for a while and funny enough, took me a good 3 days to write XD Anyways, thank you for reading!!