#mac and cheese has this awful smell

[yakkolicious]

If I get another ad for Kraft mac and cheese, I will EXPLODE. No, Kraft, I don't want to buy any of your pasta shells covered in yellow gooey stuff that is supposedly cheese, go commit bankruptcy. Also, other mac and cheese sellers, don't even THINK about advertising to me. Disgusting.

[bruisedboys]

I’d love to see candy cane ❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜ IT’S SO JAMES CODED OMG

also congratulations on 6k you deserve it so much!!

omg it is sooo james coded!!! also this is funny bc a while ago my bff aerial did this exact prompt with james for a request I sent in! great minds think alike I guess

james potter x fem!reader

James is bombarded with your loveliness the moment he walks in the door.

“Jamie!” You beam at him from where you’re folding laundry on the living room floor. You roll up a pair of his socks before scrambling to your feet to meet him. “Hello, honey. How was work?”

You throw yourself at him in a clumsy but no less affectionate hug. James takes the brunt of your weight happily, his hands folding around your waist.

“Hello,” he says back, a little dazed. You smell lovely. His hands skim over the strip of bare skin on your back, where your top rides up. You’re warm under his palms. “It, um. It was good.”

You pull back, still positively beaming. James blinks at you. You’re so pretty and so clearly ecstatic to seem him. He could die.

“Yeah?” You ask him, head tilting slightly to the side. James thinks you resemble a puppy, a little bit. “That’s good. Are you hungry, baby? ‘Cos I haven’t started on dinner yet, but I can get it going now, if—“

“Sweetheart.” James stops your sweet rambling, and brings a hand to your jaw. “I’m okay. I’ll eat whenever you’re ready, yeah?”

You nod. “Okay. You’re sure you’re not hungry?”

James does his best to smile at you, but it’s hard when you’re being so lovely and all he really wants is to kiss you silly. “Yes. I’m sure, bub. Let me help you with the laundry?”

You let him help you, albeit grudgingly. You both sit on the floor and sort things into piles. James notices, with not much surprise, that your folding is much neater than his. You’re chatting away to him, and he’s listening, he swears he is, but he’s so distracted by how achingly lovely you are that it’s hard to pay attention.

When you’re done you crawl across the piles to sit closer to him, crossing your legs so your knees press into his. You put your hand on James’ thigh and he feels starstruck.

“So, for dinner,” you start conversationally, like you’re not being the loveliest most captivating girl he’s ever met right now. “I was thinking mac ‘n’ cheese? There’s lots of pasta in the cupboard for it. Or we could do tomato soup, or just takeout if you want. Whatever you like, Jamie.”

And you push your hand further up his thigh, and smile this awful smile that makes James’ heart race, makes his palms sweat and his head swim.

“I— okay. Um. Uh, um.” What were you talking about again? He thinks you might have mentioned pasta. “Pasta is good, I think?”

You give him a half bewildered, half amused look. “James, what?” You say, giggling a bit. You bring your hand to his cheek and he hopes he’s not as boiling hot as he thinks he is. “Are you okay?”

James shakes his head from side to side as if to clear it. “I’m fine, it’s— I’m just. You’re—“ And he literally has to stop talking, because the way you’re looking at him is tying his tongue in knots. How do you expect him to be able to function properly when you’re being so lovely? When you’re touching his cheek and sitting so close, asking him what he wants for dinner and looking at him like he’s made of starlight. He puffs out a big breath, hot in the face.

“Wow, I really can’t speak, huh?” He admits, totally embarrassed but also totally past caring. “Must be because of how pretty you look.”

The spell breaks. You rolls your eyes and huff at him, good natured. “James,” you groan.

“What?” James laughs and takes your hand from his cheek, lacing his fingers with yours. “I’m serious. You’re messing me up, sweet thing.”

You squint at him, like you’re trying to figure out if he’s being serious or not. Your must realise he’s totally and completely serious, because you wrinkle your nose at him.

“Ugh.” You say, and unfold yourself to stand up.“You’re impossible.”

James gawks up at you. “I’m impossible? You’re the one bewitching me like some sort of evil witch woman.”

You giggle and flounce off, saying something about putting the pasta on to boil. James is left to sit there wondering if you really have put him under a spell. He sure feels like it.

[tonberry-yoda]

I Love You, Spiderman - Peter B. Parker

notes - I have been thinking about him way too much lol word count - 2,108 WARNINGS - brief mentions of blood (a deep cut) summary - you've been tired and missing spending time with your bf. a superhero by the name of spiderman helps you destress before work, but you find out something about him you would never expect

You've been exhausted as of late, working overtime and trying not to fall asleep at your computer. You had been trying to pay off college for a long time and you were so damn close you could taste it. Just a couple more weeks of overtime and you would be done paying it off. The thought made you smile, it just sucked how hard you had to work for that.

Because of this though, the time spent with your boyfriend has been little to none. You didn't really know where Peter worked, but you knew that it was something busy as well - cop stuff, he told you. So because of this, you would rarely see each other. You both lived in a crappy little apartment together so when you would come home, you would turn on the dim kitchen light, make some microwavable mac and cheese, and immediately pass out. Hours later, if you weren't dead asleep, sometimes you would feel your boyfriend curl into your arms and kiss along your neck before he passed out just the same.

You hated that you were growing apart from this. Even days off were pretty silent because out of nowhere, he would get a random call that would send him off to work, leaving you to lie on your bed and stare at the ceiling.

He was tired and you were tired.

You didn't know how much more of this you could take. Even a couple more weeks sounded like hell.

---

You woke up to Peter kissing you on the forehead and saying goodbye. You opened your eyes, but squinted at the sun. What you did see was him walking out of the room.

"Wait," you said with a tired voice. "Peter."

"What's up?" He stood in the doorway and looked like he had to leave in a rush.

"Have a good day." You held open your arms and Peter quickly ran over, giving you a quick hug and another kiss.

"You too. Don't work too hard."

"Oh, you know I will." you chuckled.

"I know." he laughed back, quickly bolting out of the house.

You were just glad the two of you could still talk.

You stretched and got out of bed, yawning. Another long day, but you were so used to it at this point.

You brushed your teeth and took a shower. It was colder out than usual in New York, so you had to put on some layers and then decided to make yourself a little treat of hot cocoa that you could carry out of the house with you.

When you locked the warmth behind you with the click of a door, you could see your breath. You shivered and wrapped yourself in your coat, beginning your walk.

Walking was way nicer than wasting forty minutes in New York traffic, no matter how cold it was. Plus, where you worked wasn't more than a fifteen minute walk.

You put in some headphones and put on something to pump you up for the day and decided to take a shortcut since it was so cold.

The shortcut you would only take on days like this was a long alleyway. You never liked it, since it smelled pretty bad - especially on hot days - and was always dark, but on colder days, it was a good way to push through and get to work.

You held your keys close, ready to use them as a weapon and saw alley cats that you wanted to pet, but passed since you didn't want to be late.

You quickly froze in place when you saw something completely unexpected, however. Spiderman landed in front of you, panting and out of breath. He leaned against the wall, looking victorious, and let one of the alley cats curl up on his lap.

"I am so tired." he muttered softly under his breath. The cat just purred at him and he pet it.

He looked up and noticed you, completely frozen in your spot.

"Oh, hey." he giggled, rubbing the back of his neck. "What's up?"

"You're Spiderman," was all you could say in complete awe.

"That I am." he chuckled.

"Are you okay?" You spotted a torn spot in his suit and blood running out of a cut.

"Oh, this?" He winced. "It's nothing. Just a little scratch. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? It looks pretty deep."

"I've been through worse," he admitted. "This is nothing compared to what I usually go through."

"Alright.... well uhh... it was nice to meet you, Spiderman. I gotta go to work though."

"It was nice meeting you too," he moved the cat and stood up, reaching his hand out to you. "What's you name?"

"y/n." you took his hand and shook it.

"Well, it was wonderful to meet you, y/n. And might I say, you are pretty dang cute." He winked at you.

"Oh, I have a boyfriend." you told him quickly before walking away.

The walk to your office building was just you in deep thought. Did Spiderman just call you... cute? What a weird morning.

And definitely not your last of those.

On a morning that Peter woke you up by pressing kisses up and down your face and neck that made you giggle, you went out again only to find Spiderman down the same alleyway.

"Well look who it is!" he laughed.

"What a coincidence," you laughed back, thinking that was it, just trying to walk past him.

"So, where are you off to?" he asked, catching up to you.

"Work."

"Ew."

You laughed. "No kidding."

"So what's this boyfriend of yours like?"

You rolled your eyes. "Really?" you asked, turning to look at him.

"Yes, really! I wanna hear about him. You know, since you were so able to reject Spiderman over him."

"Shut up. I don't even know who you are."

"Just tell me!"

So you did. You told him everything. How much you loved him, how long you've been together... how you've been separated.

"I wouldn't really call it 'separated' per say," Spiderman said. "I mean, sure you have to work some overtime, but it sounds like you guys are fine if he's still waking you up with kisses and saying he loves you."

You thought about it for a minute. He was right. It's not like you and Peter were arguing or actively avoiding each other. You were both just extremely busy.

"How much longer do you think you have to work like you have been?" he asked.

"Not too much longer."

"Well that's good. I would say ask him on a really nice date if he doesn't beat you to it."

You laughed out loud. You laughed and really couldn't control it.

"What's so funny?" Spiderman asked.

"It's just... I think Peter would shit his pants if he knew I was talking to Spiderman. Let alone getting relationship advice from him."

"What? Is he a big fan or something?"

"Oh, huge fan. He owns a stupid amount of merch and exclusive stuff too. He's like in love with you."

That got Spiderman to laugh pretty hard, nearly keeling over. "Maybe I should take your boyfriend out instead."

You both laughed until you got to the end of the alleyway. You gave him a fist bump and thanked him.

"Even if I don't know you under the mask," you said. "I think it would be pretty cool to be friends, Spiderman."

And that was exactly what happened. Every morning before work, you would walk with him for only a short five minutes before you had to part. Whenever you got a short amount of time to talk to Peter, you would tell him that you hung out with Spiderman, but he would just brush it off with laughter.

But if not for him, you wouldn't have gone on such a lovely date with Peter after you stopped working so much overtime.

When he saw you come downstairs in a shimmery red dress, he nearly passed out.

"J-Jesus, y/n." he stuttered as he looked you over.

"Do you like it?" you asked as your cheeks heated.

"No way," he said with a sigh. "I love it. You look.... oh my god."

You laughed and pulled Peter into your arms, playing with his hair. You told him how cute he looked in his suit and pressed a kiss onto his cheek.

He still stared at you with complete shock and you swore to god you could see hearts in his pupils.

You just locked your arm with his and got in his car before driving to go get dinner. You blasted music that you both sang horribly to, and when you ended up at the restaurant, you ended up talking more than eating. You were remembering old memories and laughing about stupid stuff from years ago.

It felt nice to be back like this with your boyfriend. All those years of dating were suddenly so much more worth it and you were now debt free.

"I love you so much, Peter." you told him as you reached for his hand across the table.

"You don't even understand how much I love you." he said back.

---

You took the next few days off, just enjoying your time with Peter. Not a lot of dates occurred, it was more the two of you sitting around in your PJs, but that was more than good enough for you.

And even when the two of you did eventually get back to work, it didn't feel like anything awful. It was shorter days and a lot more cuddles.

On another cold day before work, you walked down the usual alleyway and weren't surprised to see Spiderman playing with a cat.

"Hey, Spiderman," you said with a smile.

"Oh, hey!" He stood up and gave you a high five. "How've you been?"

"Really good." you smiled. "Like really really good."

"And your boyfriend?"

"Amazing. Thanks to you telling me to take him on that stupid date, we've literally been closer than ever I think."

"You would've gone on the date anyway." he chuckled.

"I know, but I feel like I need to thank you for some reason."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just doin' my thing."

You laughed and walked down the alley with him. "Would you ever want to meet Peter?" you asked. "You know, since we're close now, I figured it would be kinda cool if you met him."

Spiderman laughed. "This is so weird that we're friends."

"No kidding."

"But, no, really, I think it would be pretty cool to meet him."

You beamed. "He doesn't work until later! Maybe he's still lying in bed! Let me call him!"

You took a couple steps away from Spiderman to call Peter. You were so stupidly excited to share your friendship with this superhero with your boyfriend. It was silly, but it was nice.

Behind you, you heard Spiderman's phone go off and he laughed. "Looks like I'm getting a call. Hello?"

You heard the same 'hello' echo from your phone and you nearly dropped it on the asphalt beneath you.

"Peter?"

Spiderman looked around to make sure no one was nearby and he slipped off the mask to reveal that he was just Peter under the mask.

You felt yourself go faint for a minute.

"Wait, hold on," you held onto a nearby wall and looked at Peter, who was just smiling at you. "What the hell, Peter?!" you exclaimed.

He shrugged and then looked at you with pure horror. "Wait! Are you mad?! Please don't tell me you're mad!"

You didn't know what you felt, but mad definitely wasn't one of those somethings. "No, I'm not mad," you reassured him. "Just confused." you laughed.

He took a deep breath and nervously chuckled. "I didn't know how to tell you, so I thought it would be funny to bother you as Spiderman before work."

You laughed again. You really couldn't help it. "I don't know how I didn't figure it out sooner. It should've been obvious."

"You think?"

"Same bad humor."

"Hey!"

You just laughed again and hugged Peter. "I'm gonna go to work now, you big dork. But have a good day, alright? And don't get hurt."

"No promises." He went to slip the mask back on, but left his lips out, which you gladly kissed with a smile.

"We'll talk all about this when we get home, okay?"

He nodded and pulled the mask back over his face completely.

"I love you, Spiderman." you said, blowing him a kiss.

"I love you too." he swooned before taking off into the city.

~~~~~

into the spiderverse masterlist | pinned post 2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[harrywavycurly]

For the conversations may I ask for some between Princess and Wayne? I love that series and I just know Wayne treats her so wonderful🥹💞

Hiii lovey!! Awe yes of course you can get some Wayne and Princess conversations! I am so happy you enjoy the Princess series, it’s one of my faves it’s so comforting! I hope you enjoy💖

-there’s one that has a brief moment with Eddie and it’s marked with an ✨

*Wayne is determined to teach you how to be a little more independent*

“No darlin you gotta twist it to the right..remember what I taught you?” “Uh righty tighty…lefty losey? Right?” “Yeah good job now just a few more twists…and there ya go.” “Look at that!” “Yeah look at that…you changed a lightbulb and used a step stool by yourself.” “Let’s go check and see if there’s another one that needs changing!” “I got a few that need changing…if you wanna do em for me?” “Yes let’s go… oh uhm…don’t tell Eddie i used the step stool without him home…he doesn’t like that too much.” “Oh he can get over it you’re a grown woman and he puts all the shit on the top shelf so you need your step stool.”

“I think I messed it up Wayne.” “Let me see…no it’s just boiling darlin that’s what it’s supposed to do…you’re gonna cook the noodles for about ten minutes then we are gone strain em and add the little fake cheese packet.” “Okay…okay I can..I can do that.” “Of course you can…now stir the pasta every now and again so it doesn’t get clumpy…now don’t hover over the pot that’s how you get brunt by a rouge drop of boiling water and Eddie will have my ass if you get hurt on my watch.” “You think he’ll like dinner?” “Honey you could hand that man a bowl full of sink water and tell him you made it and he’d tell you it’s the best thing he’s ever had and ask for seconds.” “Really?” “Yeah…oh okay the timer is going off we gotta strain the pasta just take the pot to the sink…careful now…yeah and pour it into the strainer…good job now shake it a bit get all the water out.” “Like this?” “Yup now put it back into the pot…careful not to lose any noodles…now here’s the fun part you get to add this packet of fake cheese and just stir up all up.” “Smells good.” “Well now here’s the important part… gotta taste it.” “Oh wow it tastes like it does when he makes it!” “I’d say that’s the best Mac and cheese I’ve ever had…good job darlin….now you know how to use the stove…kinda.”

✨ “He’s gonna fucking kill me.” “Hammering things is so fun!” “Don’t look at me look at what you’re doing okay?” “Sorry…how’s this? Does it look good?” “I mean…yeah it looks good the nail went in smoothly so that’s good…time to hang the picture…now we just gotta make sure it’s straight.” “Can I hammer something else after this?” “I think the fuck not.” “Here we go…” “Hi honey! Look I finally hung that photo of us from Valentine’s Day! Isn’t it cute?” “So cute baby…Wayne can I talk to you for just a moment?” “I’d love to son but you see I’m late for something so yeah…gotta go but it was nice hanging with you today darlin and good job with the hammer.” “Thanks Wayne!” “Yeah…thanks so much Wayne.”

“What if I don’t have a spare tire?” “What? You don’t have a spare?” “Wayne I don’t have a car…” “right..well still this is a skill everyone should have so just pay attention okay?” “Okay…so you just jack the uhm…car up and take the lug..things off and then you take the flat tire off and put the new one on?” “You know what? Just watch me do it and if you have any questions ask me when I’m done and I’ll go over it with you.” “Okay…oh you use the righty tighty lefty losey things a lot huh?” “I mean…I tighten and loosen things a lot yeah…don’t tell Eddie I had you under this truck okay? He’ll never let you come over by yourself again.” “You got it…it’ll be our little secret until the day I get to change a tire on the van or something then I’ll tell him how you taught me.” “When that day comes I hope I’m long gone.” “Wayne!” “I mean like off to Florida to retire on a beach or something not like…gone gone darlin…sorry didn’t mean to upset you.”

[polyklok]

Dethklok does not care about each other

They all know the rule; Do not show interest, care, or intervene with bandmate’s personal lives. That’s been set in stone from the beginning. They tolerate each other at most, borderline on hate. It’s what keeps the music genuine.

Nathan didn’t care when Pickles suddenly broke down into hard, silent sobs one night after getting a call from his mother, which has essentially been 45 minutes of insults and criticism. He wasn’t showing interest as he took Pickles into his arms, shushing him, gently telling him that all those awful things she said were completely untrue. Trying to reassure him that he was just as important to his family as his brother was, despite his parents never showing it, holding him close as Pickles heaved in his inhaler, pressing his cheek onto his back, listening to his heartbeat steadily decline in speed. He wasn’t intervening when he suggested that they watch Pickle’s favorite movie (Son in Law, 1993), share a bottle of whiskey, inevitably falling asleep while under the same blanket.

Or when William was having a particularly awful day, hiding away in his room to spend hours just staring at himself in the mirror, pointing out the most his greatest insecurities and all the smallest flaws to himself. Skwisgaar wasn’t concerned, not at all! He was just pissed to not have seen his bandmate all damn day when they had previously agreed to spend time together, and so he marched down to William’s room to chew him out when he found Murderface crying and yelling at Skwisgaar to “Go away!” Skwisgaar didn’t mean to yell back that Murderface was “Reallys not even thats bads, you’re beings a baby! You’re pretty enoughs for me!” And, just to prove it, suddenly pull him in for a kiss that left William absolutely breathless. It wasn’t care, he was just knocking sense into him, he’d do it again if he absolutely had to.

Even when Toki joined the band, backstage before his very first live show, nervously pacing and itching at the many scars along his arms, his cheeks flushed red and stinging with nerves, Pickles wasn’t being nice as he sat him down, taking Toki’s hands into his own to prevent anymore damage and guiding him through some deep breaths. Pickles let him take a few puffs off of his joint as he applied the band’s signature white and black face makeup to Toki, making sure to be gentle, and he told him, ‘Cahlm down, hun, yer gonna do just great,” just because he couldn’t have Toki screwing up on stage…not because it was worth it to see him relax and grow passionate as he played.

When Nathan has walked into the kitchen at some sort of ungodly hour of the night and found Murderface…cooking? He was shocked to catch William in the middle of cutting up a head of broccoli, even more shocked to find that whatever he was cooking smelled absolutely fantastic. William bashfully explained that he was craving his Grandmother’s ‘broccoli mac ‘n cheese casserole’ And didn’t trust Jean-Pierre to make it correctly and so decided to do it himself. Nathan said he’ll have some “If isn’t total shit.” And Murderface replied “Only if you don’t tell the othersch like an asschhole!” And so the two ate in a strangely comfortable silence, knees resting together under the table, hands occasionally brushing, only interrupted when Nathan noted it was “Pretty damn good.”

When Toki’s old, cheap, worn-down guitar he had bought in Norway finally broke, he was devastated. He kept insisting to the band that it played just fine, but no amount of duck tape or superglue had any hope helping it now. Skwisgaar understood how he felt, he had quite the emotional attachment to his own first guitar. So he reluctantly took Toki to go get a replica made, being very strict with the manufactures that it had to be just like the original. For the week it was being made, Skwisgaar even let Toki practice on his own guitar, sitting behind him, wrapping his arms around in order to properly place his fingers, Toki’s head going cloudy whenever he felt Skwisgaar’s hot breath on his neck gently muttering praise whenever he got something right.

When Pickles and William got absolutely shitfaced together, slurring song lyrics as they stumbled through the halls of Mordhaus, occasionally clinking together their bottles of booze before finally crashing down onto the couch. Murderface taking another glug, wiping his mouth, and then taking the time to truly look at his drinking partner. Laughing hysterically as Pickles raised an eyebrow, finally manage to chuckle out that he had the ‘hugestsch fuckin’ crusch on you in the ninetiesch, and now you’re here!…with me!” His eyes growing teary from a mixture of nostalgia and intoxication and incredible relief at the confession. When Pickles gently laughed along, keeping his eyes focused on the floor, ignoring the fact that they had a very similar night to this about a year ago, which has a very happy ending, that William had surely forgotten by now.

When Skwisgaar and Nathan were together in the recording studio; Nathan pacing back and forth whilst Skwisgaar watched from the couch, idly plucking at his guitar. Together, they pondered lyrics and melodies for their next album, scratching off anything that didn’t fit Dethklok’s branding to a tee whilst remaining exciting and original. Their ideas came together in unison, inching their faces closer only to pull away for the next proposal. Nathan darting out all the concepts from his brain at rapid speed, Skwisgaar managing to envision them within seconds and give him feedback. It was almost dance-like, graceful and balanced. After hours, the two finally agreed on a rough draft, just like they had accomplished many times before. But this time, right before he left the room, Skwisgaar gained the balls to put a single hand on Nathan’s chest, kiss his cheek, and mumble “Bra jobbat, vackert.”

When William had burst into Toki’s room to show of the authentic civil war Lemat pistol he had just won in an auction, only to be met with a confused smile and nod, as Toki knew very very little about America’s history. And so, while he continued to put together a model plane at his desk, Murderface stood behind him, very animatedly retelling the story of the Civil war, including details that no one except him would bother to remember. Toki would up occasionally, seeing William’s eyes absolutely sparkling as he spoke. About halfway through his rant, Murderface realized he was doing the exact thing people got so annoyed at him for, t the exact thing his grandmother used to scream at him for, “Ugsch…whatever, you probablych don’t care.” Toki stopped what he was doing, turning around to touch William’s hand, looking up at him with those glorious baby-blues and said “I do cares. Keeps going.”

When Skwisgaar had just been kicked out of the shitty, low-class band of Smugly Dismissed, his third one that year alone, not because of his playing or even cocky attitude, but because of his dumb, shitty English. It was late. He had been living in a too-small apartment with them, and so it just dawned on him he was currently homeless as well. He flopped onto the nearest park bench to clear his racing head. Tears of frustration pricked his eyes, angry at himself for not picking up the language nearly as quickly as he thought he would, angry at them for not being just a bit more patient. He swung the guitar around his torso, instinctively playing his irritation out on the instrument. It wasn’t plugged it anywhere, so it didn’t sound it’s best, but it blended it well with the Los Angeles soundscape. A voice caught him off guard, “Fu-uck, yer fingers are fast! How’re you doin’ dat?” He paused, head snapping up. Right there was…someone familiar. Skwisgaar froze, a mixture of shocked to find that he wasn’t alone, terrified that the man had ill intentions, and confusion on what he just said in such a strange accent. He was short, scrawny, but had an absolute lion’s mane of fire-red hair. Skwisgaar squinted, hadn’t he seen him…on stage somewhere? His clothes certainly suggested some sort of Rock ‘N Roll lifestyle. He had a bottle of wine, halfway empty, in his hand. “Uhh, you…spelar er-music? Gutairs, uh, sångare. Du är en musiker.” The man through his head back in laughter, “No English? Dats fine. Let the guitar speak fer ‘ya” Skwisgaar certainly understood guitar, so while the man plopped himself down on the grass and continued to chug down the wine, he played for him.

When Toki had been wandering the halls of Mordhaus, only wearing boxers and his blanket draped around his shoulders, mumbling unintelligibly. He made his way to the nearest balcony, leaning over the rail and shivering at the cold, stale air of the night. It was one of those rare moments that seemed to be in absolute silence. Nathan found him, having received his random, late night text about nightmares, and didn’t hesitate to pull him back inside. It was routine at this point. “You gotta stop doing this, man.” Nathan told him, which Toki only hummed at. He sighed, pressing his lips against the top of Toki’s head, inhaling the sweet, apple-like scent of his shampoo. They slowly crumbled to the marble floor, tangled within each other. Eventually, they’d move to Nathan’s room, but they just wanted to be there, in the moment.

If anyone asked, was never interest, care, intervention. It wasn’t concern when they coaxed each other into comfort at difficult moments; it wasn’t intimacy when they shared the deepest forms of contact; it wasn’t fondness when they spent hours together just because. Dethklok was too metal for that, too brutal. You could never be as ruthless as they were if you showed such…love.

Sorry if this was absolute dogshit, it’s really late, I’m tired, was switching between this and an essay that was already late, and I didn’t proofread at all. Just needed some Dethklok fluff.

[bon-is-gone]

Headcanons for ocs?

headcanons? About MY OCS??? OH, HOW I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY

(Also, quick question, does really count as headcanons when it's about your own oc's? I'm still fairly new to headcanons and other stuff like this-)

(Also Also, im writing these while waiting for a splatoon 3 match to start. Okay I'll stop stalling now.)

Kanaro is a BIG fan of anime!(wow, suprising I know :D) her favorite ones are My dress up darling and Inazuma eleven.

Charlotte sleep walks. She once sleep walked to the kitchen and somehow managed to make Mac and cheese. How did she do it? No one knows.

Loid has an older named Joseph (If you've seen my art then you'll know.) If we're talking about him in the slasher band AU, then they just bicker like normal siblings just with a bit more spice. If we're talking about in the non-AU world, then he doesn't even speak to his sibling anymore and they HATE and I mean HATE eachother. (to the point of murder)

Ace is a smoker, so ofcourse he would smell like cigarettes. However, he puts a TON of perfume or deodorant on himself because of that(and its a strong ass perfume too) his most used pack of cigars is Malboro.

Kanaro is interested in becoming an idol. So ofcourse when she searched for Idol animes, the first thing that popped up was oshi no ko. Ace quickly found out thankfully before our cinnamonroll could get traumatized-

The whole entire squad drinks and have different levels of not getting drunk.

Kanaro doesn't actually drink alcohol, she drinks spezi(a German drink which is REALLY good. Recommend it.) And tea.

Ace is the weakest one when drinking. Give him one shot of whiskey and he is gone. When he's drunk he's either knocked the F out, or he's very chilled out and wobbly, usually not even knowing what's happening half the time and just staring at the counter.

Charlotte comes in 2nd place but is very close to Loid. When she's drunk she starts dropping random ass facts about either her band mates or some random people she knows. (even her momma) "Yeah did you know Loids scared of spongebob? *hic*"

Loid is the strongest one. When he's drunk(which is Suprisingly common), he starts speaking French aggressively and starts speaking in a French accent. "Ohoho wouldn't gliding be FASTER?" He says as he proceededs to fall out of a window into a barrel.

Did any of the gang commit crimes? Ofcourse, almost all of them did.

Kanaro didn't commit any crimes(Logically, because how could this 9 year old child commit crimes :) )

Ace committed shoplifting

Charlotte committed driving while under the influence

Loid committed blackmail and scamming people on the internet(not sure exactly what it's called in a professional way-)

Our roommates here have a swear jar that gets filled up in a month. So who swears the most and who the least?

Charlotte swears the least. She either drops an F bomb because she gets pissed off or she hits her toe on a corner of a table (ouch)

Kanaro is the 2nd person to use the least of swear words but will say a few interesting words which she learned from Uncle Loid

Ace is uses a few more curse words then he'd like to admit. Most of the time he tries his best not to curse (especially when children are around, because what if they learn these heinous words? D:), so instead of saying Sh*t, he'll say "Aw man, that really ruffled my feathers :(" or something like that. But, if you read my short comic named *sailor mouth*, then you know when he gets pissed off he starts shooting cuss words like a mini gun lmao

Loid swears the most on a regular basis. He tries to lower his usage of them when he's around kids, but when it's wi1h Kanaro? He just straight up teaches her some new curse words 😭 then he gets scolded by Ace and Charlotte for that

That's all I could think of for now

I will 100% write more headcanons about the daylight roommates in the future

[itsmesheep]

so besides the strep (it IS strep) there have been huge numbers of flies in my apartment. i mean absolute clouds of them. cant leave a glass of water uncovered for 10 seconds or there's 3 floating in it. so i've been dealing with that this entire time with the fever and coughing and pain and hr being cunts and the hostile american medical system. despite being sick i cleaned everything i could think to clean and i have to conclude they are coming from the neighbor's apartment. i'm pretty sure they finally evicted her because i haven't heard her screaming in about a week but nobody has been over to clean it and it still smells awful when i walk past. i stuffed all my usually displayed dishes and kitchen ware in whatever cabinet it would fit in so i can freely bug spray the whole area 3x a day. i'm doing the same to the bathroom. i'm eating only protein shakes and single serve microwave mac and cheese and mashed potatoes because i can't cook anything with so many flies around and i still can't eat solid food. i wash out every container before putting it in the trash. i took out the litter and trash, again, and i am pouring sweat from just the effort that took. i return to work tomorrow.

[lindseydalt]

❛ STAINED GLASS WINDOWS IN MY MIND . . . ❜

FULL BIOGRAPHY ✦ STATISTICS ✦ NAVIGATE ✦ AS LOVED BY CARLIE.

[ cis woman, she/her ]  Welcome to Aurora Bay, LINDSEY DALTON! I couldn’t help but notice you look an awful lot like MEGHANN FAHY. You must be the THIRTY TWO year old SCRIPTWRITER / PRODUCER. Word is you’re AUDACIOUS but can also be a bit OBSTINATE and your favorite song is I KNOW THE END BY PHOEBE BRIDGERS. I also heard you’ll be staying in SEABROOK QUARTER. I’m sure you’ll love it! @aurorabayaesthetic

ABOUT.

full name / nickname: lindsey victoria maher dalton ( will answer to anything, most commonly used nicknames are linds and lindie )

age: thirty-two

date of birth: october 23, 1991

zodiac sign: scorpio sun

gender: cis female (she/her/hers)

place of birth: brooklyn, new york city, new york

current residence: seabrook quarter, aurora bay

sexual orientation: pansexual

occupation: scriptwriter and producer, trying to side hustle as a vintner but ain't going great

PERSONALITY.

goals / desires: professionally would like to develop her own wines and open a winery someday, also win an oscar. personally wants to mend her approach on relationships, find people who she is genuinely compatible with then actually put in the work necessary to keep them in her life, and reconnect with her semi-estranged siblings. she’d also love nothing more than to once and for all convince people she did not murder her first husband, but girlie dreams big.

fears: inadequacy, loneliness for the remainder of her life, being buried alive, having her voice stripped from her, her own personal hell winding up being never ending math problems.

hobbies: walking her dog, trying out new recipes in her kitchen, making to do lists, collecting makeup and then shade matching / doing makeup for anyone who will let her use them as her canvas, karaoke bars, window shopping, watching films, kickboxing / weightlifting, teaching herself guitar, finding the best buffalo wings and beer combination. 

likes: new notebooks, thoughtful conversations, getting tattoos, uncapping a pen for the first time, having someone play with her hair, homemade truffle mac and cheese, i love lucy reruns, being outdoors in the sun, furniture shopping, baking, a well-made drink, getting her hands dirty ( figuratively and literally ) the weight of her bag when she has her laptop in it, deep dish pizza, musicals, a good book, nights out, popping the cork off of a fresh bottle of wine, trying on jewelry. 

dislikes: having to use hotel-issued shampoo / conditioner, the feeling of getting a spray tan, the smell of gasoline, confrontations that ultimately lead to a stalemate, people not using their turn signals, people cracking their fingers / knuckles, arrogance, small talk, the texture of wool.

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

friends, all the friends ! platonic soulmates, ride or dies, confidants, casual friends, friends through work, friends who are like siblings, new friends, reconnected friends, friends who everyone thinks are toting around some sexual tension / will they won’t they energy, and more !

work ties of any and all kind — maybe lindsey has collaborated with them in the past on a project or just knows them from networking / parties

flings / hookups / one night stands

friends with benefits that can stay perfectly platonic / friends with benefits that begin to get muddled with Feelings / friends with benefits that turn sour.

exes of any flavor — good terms, bad terms, haven’t spoken since, exes that aren’t crazy about seeing the other person moving on

a pair that almost Made It, but something just didn’t work out. whether it was timing, a lack of a true connection, or something entirely different, two people who never get together after what i imagine is quite a bit of time flirting and the occasional date here and there. things could’ve ended just fine, things could still be a little awkward, or full-blown tension because angst is fun

blind dates

antagonistic relationships, too — messy vibes where they get along swimmingly one day and the next they are ready to rip each other’s throats out, former friends, people who are just skeptical of lindsey esp with the whole Gideon Thing™️, anything and everything !

lindsey's production company partner, any of lindsey's siblings / ex husband #2 ( wc to go to the main later )

+ i’m open to so many more, this is just a very base list of ideas we can bounce off of ! please come poke me in ims or on discord and let’s create something so incredible together that tumblr regrets the day it ever opened its servers

[c-dria]

The Hydra Healer

Chapter 7: Cooking

Yelena leads you to the kitchen. “So Wanda sometimes cooks for all of us, but most of the time we all just cook for ourselves. Or, just eat pop tarts for every meal, like Thor. But you can cook any time you want.” Yelena opens the fridge and your jaw drops. It's so full, you don't think you've ever seen this much food in one place before. “What do you like to make?” Yelena asks, raising her eyebrows at you.

“Um, I usually cooked potatoes and sometimes they had carrots and onions, sometimes pasta. This is so much food.” You say in awe, staring at the fully stocked fridge in front of you.

“Well, Stark usually keeps this crazy full because Peter Parker is always hungry” She grins.

“Okay, um, what do you like to eat? I can cook for you,” you offer, studying all the different foods.

Yelena looks you up and down. “I like macaroni and hot sauce. But more importantly, what do you like?”

“I can cook that! And I like plums, Bucky has been giving them to me and they're really sweet,” you answer.

“Like him? Oh my god Y/n, you like the dark staring man? Seriously?” Yelena scoffs.

“Shut up!” You urge her, blushing. “I can make macaroni and hot sauce, and cut up some plums and make a salad. Can you see if anyone else wants to eat that?” You ask.

Yelena rolls her eyes. “I'll ask, but I know no one will turn down a home cooked meal.”

You smile, grabbing two blocks of cheese and an onion out of the fridge. You start to cut up the cheeses and Yelena grabs a bottle of vodka. “My mother always said that cooking goes best with a drink,” she explains, as she pours out equal parts vodka and lemonade into two glasses. She hands one to you and takes a sip out of the other one. You smile at her, take a sip, and continue to prep for dinner.

An hour later, you're pulling a dish of macaroni and cheese out of the oven. There's a bowl of cut up plums and a salad already on the table, fully set with plates, napkins, drinks, silverware, and, of course, hot sauce. You sit down next to Yelena, quietly sipping the last of the drink she made you. Sam, Steve, Peter, Natasha, Bucky, Rhodey, Wanda, Vision, Pepper, and Tony all sit down as well.

“This smells wonderful, y/n” Steve compliments you, and everyone digs in. Over the course of the meal, several more compliments follow, making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“When did you learn to cook?” Sam asks, as he scoops a third helping of mac and cheese onto his plate.

“Well, they usually forgot to feed the kids at hydra, and because they knew that I wasn't a threat with knives, or really any weapons, I was allowed more freedom than the other prisoners. So they would let me cook, because they couldn't trust anyone else with knives.” You explain nonchalantly.

“Not a threat? Clearly they never saw you throw knives.” Loki smirks at you.

“Do you like to cook?” Asks Tony.

“Yes sir, I like to feel useful and everyone has to eat, sir.” You respond. “What do you like? I can cook that next,” you promise.

“Oh, Tony eats anything homemade,” Pepper cuts in.

“I like seafood, and pie. Really any kind of pie.” Sam offers.

“I can cook that, probably,” you giggle.

“I like chocolate chip cookies” Morgan adds.

“I can definitely make those,” you say with a grin.

“Only if you eat your salad,” Pepper warns Morgan lightly.

You begin cooking dinner every night, asking Friday for the avenger's favorite meals and recipes. Yelena always stays with you while you chop vegetables and prepare meats, making a drink for you and her and telling you about whatever movie or tv show she has seen recently. It becomes a new normal for you, a comfortable routine. The warmth of the kitchen, the smell of garlic, and the familiarity of Yelena pouring a drink and leading the conversation, you start to feel as though this really could be your home.

[fairykukla]

Hi! sorry for rando dropping by your blog but omg - your description of chocolate flavor post-covid is spot on ;_; it's like dirt! Mint-choc also kinda ruined, some days it's like eating toothpaste with dirt - others it actually tastes ok. So many flavors that I liked/loved are just gone (for 2 years now) and I can't even enjoy sweet stuff as much as I used to because now it all tastes too sweet, and salty things? too salty, and the roof of my mouth starts burning ;_; sorry again for rant but the dirt chocolate thing just spoke to me

Yeah, I had first-wave Covid-19 in November 2020. First it knocked out my sense of smell entirely. That’s when I discovered that if you can’t smell it, bacon is nasty.

Then I started to recover my sense of smell, starting with citrus.

Then, in mid-February 2021 Things started to go bad. Swiss cheese, chocolate, curry… all suddenly disgusting. I couldn’t even manage pretzels or chips. I was living on smoothies and yogurt for months. Meats all tasted rancid. Salt tasted terrible. One day I managed a frozen waffle and cried; I hadn’t had anything hot to eat in a long time. I found that plain pasta was ok, then white cheddar Mac n cheese.

I’m down to the Five Big Things:

Onion and garlic taste and smell like rotting rancid meat and burning petrochemicals. Like, “They’re re-tarring the roof on the pork rendering plant.” And since I’m a super taster, any cross contamination is revolting.

Coffee and chocolate are like graveyard dirt, and coffee is particularly rancid in the air.

Peanut is awful too. It’s kind of like all of the above.

There are smells and flavors that came back weird, but manageable. There are still some mint flavors that aren’t food. I think of them as the “fake mint flavors” because I’m most likely to encounter them in toothpaste or smelling someone else’s gum. (I’m not a fan of gum anyway.) I was pathetically grateful to get the rest of the mints back including Basil.

I don’t go into restaurants. Anything that has an ambient fragrance of the Big Five is just horrifyingly disgusting.

Interestingly, cucumber comes and goes; some days it’s fresh and green, some days it’s rotten.

And Sage is a completely different experience now: it’s a nice, earthy but green smell. It used to smell like feet.

The best news is that due to a couple of encounters during Christmas, it seems that my beloved chocolate may be returning to me. It’s *trying* to be chocolate again.

[sukunastoy]

Home from work. (Husband!Sukuna x fem!reader)

I've been needing some comfort these last few weeks, as a lot has happened... I broke my foot, my relationship is up in the air, and then I had surgery that I'm recovering from as well.

So I needed Kuna Daddy for some little cute/fluff thing. Nothing naughty, just implied naughtiness. I own nothing of JJK Wordcount: 1358

Today you were not having it. Everything just sucked. People sucked. Work sucked. Your boss sucked. The traffic sucked. Everything was just being toxic and awful and you wanted to sink away into the depths of a void to relinquish yourself to a crying mess. Walking into the front door of your home, you were ready for another wave of stress to hit you. House chores...

Your husband's younger brother, Yuuji, was definitely a big help in babysitting your two kids, but, he wasn't the best at corralling them and keeping the home in one piece at the same time. Sukuna was having to work out of town these last few weeks, and that really took a toll on your sanity. The extra income was irresistible, but laying alone at night in that massive bed without your partner was getting more and more difficult to deal with each passing night. He originally denied going when the opportunity was introduced, not wanting to leave you alone for so long with the two toddlers but you encouraged that you would be okay. Having your assurance that you could survive without him for a few weeks, Sukuna left for his trip and Yuuji was able to come help when you had to work. It wasn't a shock that your husband knew you were clearly lying when you said you're more than capable of being without him for any amount of time.

And, you were starting to wear down...you loved your babies, but you missed your man, desperately. The house had been a mess the last few days, as Yuuji wasn't the best cleaner, though he tried. The toddlers did take up a lot of his time and attention, but at least they were happy and in good hands while you were gone each day.

As you walked in through the door, you immediately became cautious in your step, almost always tripping on a toy that was carelessly thrown by the door, being left as an object to cause you misfortune. Luckily, there was no toy there today, and it gave you a bit of relief. Taking your shoes off and setting them to the side, you let out a heavy breath and looked up to see the mess that was your home. Ready to pick up all the toys, to throw away the trash, to sweep, to mop, fix dinner, give the kids a bath, put them to bed, read them little stories, and then finally get a moment to yourself before the day started all over again.

But, you saw no toys all over the floor. Hell, the floors even looked like they were swept and mopped already! And it was quiet...almost frighteningly quiet. Usually you heard your kids or Yuuji making some type of noise, but not hearing anything was alarming. A clean, quiet home? Was this your house or did you just meander into someone else's?

"Yuuji??" Looking down the hall to the kitchen, a sudden aroma hit your senses and it smelled insanely delicious, capturing you in its delicacy. Had Yuuji cooked? He was a decent cook, but you never asked him to make dinner after watching the kids all day, as that certainly wouldn't be fair to him. As you rounded the corner to look into the dining room, your mouth slightly hung open when you saw the table adorned with flickering candles of different heights, beautiful and fresh bouquets of flowers in sparkling vases, and plates already set upon placemats with real food upon them. Most days it had been mac and cheese, hotdogs, chicken nuggets, or anything you could get the toddlers to eat and you would be so exhausted at the end of the day you would just eat the leftovers from their plates. Even the ambience in the room was calm and relaxing...the lights were dimmed, quiet, gentle music playing that didn't even have words, just instrumental to create a more romantic vibe.

As you remained frozen for a moment in a state of bliss yet complete confusion, hands came around your waist from behind, pulling your body backwards and gently into the firm chest that you could always identify even in the darkness. Oh that familiar scent of cologne made you weak in your knees, and the warm breath that was now tickling across your nape caused you to relax and sink into the man holding you from behind.

"I thought you still had a couple days til you came home..."

A simple, deep chuckle was the only response you got as your purse strap was gently pulled down from your shoulder, being replaced with warm and soft lips to kiss your skin delicately.

"I couldn't stay away from you any longer..."

The velvety voice played into your ears and you hummed in delight, letting his fingers slide up under your shirt to caress your needy body, one he hadn't felt in a couple weeks and was desperately missing the touch. Goosebumps pricked all over your skin where he was leaving warm, wet spots from his lips, and you leaned your head back enough so you could look up to that gorgeous face that was now smiling back down to you.

Those beautifully darkened hues watched you ever so eagerly, as if not wanting to overlook a single detail on your face that he adored so preciously.

"I missed you, so much..." a soft whine left your throat as you struggled to maintain your composure, trying to stay strong so he would never regret his work. But, the evidence of the mundane cycle you were in these past couple of weeks was something you couldn't conceal however. You looked tired and exhausted, stressed and full of worry.

"I know you did, sweetheart." His voice was a delight to hear, so relaxing and it enveloped you with such comfort that any mishaps through the day could be easily forgotten.

"But...I also know you much you missed me in our bed. Those little toys just aren't enough, are they?" His devious laugh made your face burn with a feverish blush as you quickly turned to look at him while stammering in embarrassment.

"You forgot we have cameras in our home, didn't you?" A single finger kept your chin up and you looked to his face with bashful eyes, completely forgetting that, yes, after the toddlers came to be, the two of you set up security cameras in the home as a precaution, and they could be monitored from a cellphone or computer if needed.

"Hearing you oh so quietly moan my name almost every night while I was away was driving me insane...I had to come home so I could hear you scream it out instead. Give you the pleasure you deserve, sweetheart." You were so flustered and he loved it, having witnessed you almost every night pleasure yourself while thinking of your absolutely gorgeous and sexy husband, whimpering out his name and imagining him ravishing your body like only he could do.

"Y-you've been watching?" a mumble slowly came from your lips and he let a wide smirk take over his face to confirm the answer. "Every night...and don't worry darling, I gladly joined in with you, watching you on my screen while you were alone and intimate with yourself was so fucking sexy...But it was teasing me in such ways, how cruel of you."

His lips met yours and you wrapped your arms around his strong form, the absence of his warmth having been like an ache that nothing could quell. Those large hands you've yearned for clasped onto your waist gently, keeping you close to him to feel your breasts push up against his chest. Even if only through clothing at the moment, he was missing that satisfaction of supple and plush flesh.

"Anyway, sweetheart...I'm home now, and Daddy is going to take care of his baby girl, properly." The sultry growl through his lips onto yours made you weak and shudder in excitement and need.

"I sent the kids off with Yuuji for the night, got the house cleaned for you, and made your favorite meal...so its just us, and after dinner, you can be as loud as you want."

Awww... 😭😭💖 I'd be so happy if Kuna came home from a work trip early to surprise me with all of this... And naughty boy, watching you like his own private show through the cameras. 🤤💕✨ Hope this gives someone else a little comfort also! 💖

@charlie-xo @asaintlysinner @yuujispinkhair @sukunassoulmate @ajaviary @parkjimin1010smuts @mylittlesyn @xdisappointingsaladx

[sharkface-daydreams]

rvb cooking headcanons because i love food and cooking and I know some of these people can burn water just by thinking about it (affectionate)

Blue Team:

Church (alpha): basic skills. can make easy mac and has definitely hacked together ketchup and hot sauce to make fake bbq sauce when they ran out like any frat boy worth at least half his salt. however baking mystifies him.

Tucker: almost the same boat as alpha, but I like to think he tried to learn to make a few things because of Junior. maybe some sangheili and human ‘kid’ foods like whatever their equivalent of mac and cheese is.

Caboose: the stove spontaneously combusts in self defence when he’s reaching for it. he’s very good at setting the table and pouring juice though. When left to his own devices (leftovers) he’ll do awful things like put maple syrup on his mac and cheese... and enjoy it.

Tex: makes church and tucker cook for her, not that she needs to eat, but because she likes to sit at the table or counter and heckle them about their lackluster cooking skills and watch them suffer

Kai: she could probably be good at cooking if she wanted to, but that’s a lot of effort, and why do that when you can use your good looks and charms to get stupid guys to buy you fancy dinners and champagne?

Wash: listen. I know this guy is white as fuck. I grew up with white as fuck family. I know exactly how this man cooks. It’s bland. It’s by the book. He underuses salt and sneezes every time he smells pepper. He’s capable of pasta, weird underseasoned casseroles with not enough sauce, and a select handful of crockpot recipes that are either really good, or really weird, or both.

Red Team

Sarge: he knows how to work a grill, and knows how to cook meat, eggs, and grits, and operate the fancy coffee machine he installed in Lopez, and that’s where it stops. Gets mad if you say you don’t like grits, and will make you sit and eat it until it’s gone.

Simmons: Thinks he can cook. He’s had to make his own vegan meals for a long time because no one else will actually substitute meat and animal ingredients. But that doesn’t mean he’s great. Most of his vegetable substitutions are approximations and his black bean burgers always turn out dry. He has been able to trick Grif into eating and enjoying vegan snacks, but only to turn around and laugh and tell Grif what he’s actually eating. Because the fun is in getting to see Grif’s angry face afterwards.

Grif: Knows how to cook, and cook well, but can rarely be arsed to put it to practice. One of those people who genuinely enjoys reading cookbooks. He’s pretty creative and scrappy, having had to make sure he and Kai ate alright as kids while their mom was doing whatever it was that wasn’t looking after them. Probably knows the recipes to various carnival/circus foods like funnel cake and deep-fried anything. He and Kai can spin up cotton candy into fancy shapes like nobody’s business.

Donut: Not so great at cooking, but is a whiz at baking. When he deigns to bake, the results are eagerly scooped up by Reds and Blues alike, sometimes resulting in ridiculous heists to get at them before the other team can. He cannot for the life of him make donuts, though. They always come out rough, with tiny holes that are overstuffed with glaze. Sarge seems to enjoy them, though.

Lopez: Hates the very notion of human food and digestion, and is resentful that his body houses not only Sarge’s overclocked coffee machine, but also a temperature-controlled snack storage accessed at his hiney. He has access, as a robot, to the entire internet’s worth of recipes and theoretically could cook some incredible things. But he will not. He refuses. The day he does anything nice for these assholes willingly is the day they’ll have to cart him off to the scrapyard.

Carolina: She can microwave water for tea and coffee, but has screwed up easy mac before. Has some memories of cooking with her dad at a very young age, and remembers the recipe to the dish they always had whenever Allison returned from deployment.

Asshole day at the skittle factory:

Dr. Leonard Church: Probably did most of the cooking. Allison was deployed a lot especially with the war starting. Let Lina do little things to help like stir cold things or count out ingredients for him before she was old enough to work with the stove etc.

Aiden Price: In general I can’t see this man ingesting anything except extremely fancy tea. I tried to imagine him having a burger and the fucker showed up with a fork and knife to slice it up. But if I had to consider whether he knows how to cook for himself, I think he’d put enough effort and research into it to ensure enough nutrients, and possibly would insist on cooking for himself to ensure he wasn’t being poisoned.

Agent York: Overzealous, insists he knows what he’s doing, consistently sets things on fire. Can whip up a mean cocktail though.

Connecticut: Same boat. Burns things but at least she has the cojones to admit she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Pretty good at cutting up fruit and veg for snacks though. Charcuterie/stuff plate queen.

South Dakota: hates cooking mostly because she was expected to learn as the ‘girl’ of the family. She retained the basic mechanics of cooking like meat and pasta and oiling a pan so things don’t stick, but won’t volunteer and will probably fight you if you ask her to cook. Prefers doing stuff plate nights with CT.

North Dakota: He knows how to work a coffee maker and do microwave popcorn.

Wyoming: Can bake, but will only do so to make things to eat for teatime. Everything's always more than a bit dry. He defends this by insisting it's supposed to be eaten while drinking tea to moisten it.

Florida: Average level of cooking and baking competence, but has a fondness for strange and unnerving culinary experiments he attempts to get the others to test. Most people know better than to try these horrors.

Maine: Likes meat and carbs, and generally doesn’t make anything else. Not real big on seasoning or flavor either. Better with a grill than a pan on a burner.

Iowa: Ovens fear him. They explode in self-defense when he nears.

Idaho: One of those people that reads cookbooks for fun. Has a “Recipes from the Forgotten Realms” cookbook. Isn’t always successful, but the results are usually interesting. Edible, at least.

Ohio: Stacks her PBJ sandwiches with a half inch of peanut butter. Occasionally adds bananas. The rest of the kitchen might as well be Sangheilios.

Doc: Has tried to learn how to cook via lessons and tutorials and memorize a few recipes but he usually remembers them wrong, sets the wrong temperature or time, stuff like that. Donut’s tried to tutor him but he’s just kinda hopeless. Offered to trade vegan recipes with Simmons but Simmons was like ‘nah.’ (O’Malley is only interested in making poisoned food.)

Extra Colorful Morons:

Locus: knows how to cook, finds preparing ingredients and following recipes to be relaxing. Is extremely particular about how his kitchen is arranged. Leads to a lot of arguments in red team kitchen

Felix: Felix? Cooking? Can u imagine. He knows how to microwave coffee and maybe slap a sandwich together. Either wheedles someone else (Locus) into cooking for him, or gets food pre-made from somewhere.

Sharkface: You didn’t think all that fire was just for show, did you? Fire’s a kitchen’s best friend. Spent some time job hopping after the Freelancers crushed him, some of these being dishwashing and line cook jobs, whatever was needed to pay bills. There’s something very satisfying about roasting food over an open flame grill.

Siris: Can cook some things, mostly things his wife likes and family recipes handed down. Not particularly skilled but what he cooks is made with love.

Doyle: This man screws up tea when it’s a mug of hot water and a teabag. Useless. (affectionately frustrated)

Kimball: Knows how to make a desperation stew out of snared game and local root veg. After so long in a civil war has to be reintroduced to the concept of enjoying food for flavor.

Dr. Grey: She’s one of those people who drink brightly colored drinks out of lab beakers like other people use a mug. Highly unnerving to anyone who visits her office. She knows how to cook of course, but what’s the fun of doing things by the book? Don’t eat anything she offers you. ANYTHING. Especially if she’s got that studious glint in her eyes like she’s going to document every little twitch of expression you make as you eat.

[strawbrrychan]

babysitters

pairing: felix x reader

genre: fluff!!

warnings: intense fluff ! and a few curse words..

word count: 1.4k

a/n: this is one of my very first drabbles so please be nice,,,

p.s, sorry the spacing is so weird :(

enjoy!

credits to the creator!

“felix,” you whined, drawing out the end of his name. “what’s wrong, angel?” he looked up at you from his phone. “i don’t wanna watch my sister,” you sighed, flopping onto the boy’s mattress dramatically. you laid there for a moment, letting the blankets swallow you whole as the sun shone through the curtains and onto your body. felix stared at you for a moment, admiring your beauty in silence. the way the sun hit your face, it looked like you were an angel or something.

“how come? she’s so cute!” he smiled down at you, thinking of the small child. you sat up, rolling your eyes at him. “not really, and even if she was, don’t let her looks deceive you! she’s the devil in disguise!” you flailed your arms around, pouting. felix let out a giggle, staring at your lips that quickly turned into a frown. his eyes soon met yours, as you stood up.

“it’s not funny felix! i’m serious! and i have to leave you soon,” you crossed your arms, leaning against his bed frame. you placed your face in your hands, letting out another long sigh. “fuck, my cousins are coming too! and i still have a ton of homework to do, and i have practice later. i have so many things to get done!” tears of anger and stress began streaming down your face. felix’s face switched from a smile to concern immediately. he stood up, snaking is arms around your waist, holding you close to him. you breathed in slowly, smelling his cologne. it was the one you had gotten for him for his birthday. you smiled at the thought. you could feel felix’s gentle fingers running down you back slowly.

“what if i went with you?” he offered, smiling softly at you. you lifted your head, staring into his round eyes. you scoffed, shaking your head. “i won’t make you do that.” you rested your head against his chest again, listening to the soft thump of his heart. “you’re right, you’re not. i offered for a reason. it’ll be fun!” he leaned back to look at you. he lifted you up swiftly, earning a gasp from you. “felix, put me down!” you smiled, wiggling in his arms. “it’ll be fun! let me come! it’ll be easier that way too!” he continued swinging you around, laughing. “if you put me down, i’ll let you come with me, okay?” you said between giggles. “woohoo!” felix cheered, placing you down on his bed.

when you arrived at your house, felix actually pulled you aside before walking in. “she won’t be mad that i’m here right? and you’re okay with this one hundred percent right? and..and-“ “felix baby, it’s okay. you’re gonna be okay.” you cut him off taking his hand, kissing the tip of his nose as well.

“EWWW Y/N JUST KISSED A BOY!” you heard your little sister call from inside the house.

“I HEARD THAT!” you and felix broke down into a fit of laugher, with your hands still intertwined.

“you ready now?” you looked over at him, finally catching your breath. he smiled, nodding. as you opened the door, you watched your little sister come out of the doorway in a big pink fluffy gown, and your mother’s high heels, with pink and purple glitter smeared on her eyelids, along with bright green lipstick. . you snorted, covering your mouth in an attempt to suppress your laughter. “what, i look good!” she said. you saw her strut her way up to your boyfriend, giving a small wave and a wink before walking away again. felix turned to you and once again, you broke down in a fit of laughter. “what the hell was that?” laughed, clutching his stomach as he rolled on the floor. you sat up wiping tears from your eyes, sighing before taking another breath to speak. “i think she has a crush on you,” you smiled. “she thinks she’s gonna win you over.” felix smiled, helping you off the floor. you both slid your shoes off and finally began to adjust to the new environment. toys scattered along the floor, along with small gummy packets covering almost every surface. you walked into the kitchen to see your mom and aunt, preparing to go out for dinner. “hey.” you smiled, leaning on the doorframe. “hey, y/n. thank you so much for this.” your aunt hugged you, walking out the back door. .“mom?” you said, waiting for her to turn around. “i want you to meet felix, he’s helping me tonight.” you gestured for him to follow you. she turned around, and her eyes softened. “this is him?” her eyes switched between you and him. you nodded, smiling wide. “i’ve heard great things about you felix. thank you for making her happy, and thank you for helping out. i appreciate it.” she smiled, before waving at you and closing the back door.

“y/n!” you heard your little cousins call from on top of the stairs. you walked over to the landing and smiled up to the two young boys.

“hey guys!” you knelt down, opening your arms as they charged down the stairs at you. they wrapped their small arms around your neck and sides smiling widely.

“who are you?” the older boy pointed up to felix.

“this is my boyfriend, felix. he came to help me.” you smiled proudly.

“hi there,” he bent down to face the boy. both of your little cousins gave small waves, getting shy because of his deep voice.

“don’t let his voice scare you, he’s really nice!” you smiled at the kids.

now on the couch with the boys, you called for your little sister, hopefully to actually introduce her to felix. she strut into the living room again in her sparkly tutu, and sat down next to felix, watching him closely. your cousins were occupied on the floor, with whatever cars they could find.

“this is felix, MY boyfriend.” you gestured to the boy, he smiled at her.

“you look very cute,” felix complimented her outfit.

“thank you!” she smiled at him.

you watched as the sun set in the distance, signaling it was time for dinner.

“felix, play tag with us!” your little sister asked.

“in a minute, i need to feed the baby, okay guys?” he smiled down at the two, picking up your baby cousin, and bringing him into the kitchen with you.

“you already made his bottle, right?” he turned to you, the baby cradled in your boyfriend’s arms. you smiled at the sight.

“yeah, are you feeding him? i’m not saying you have to, but if you want-“

“yes!” he smiled enthusiastically, taking the bottle from the counter.

you walked back into the living room where your cousin and sister sat on the couch, watching videos on her tablet.

“do you guys want mac and cheese for dinner?” their heads snapped up at you, nodding vigorously. you smiled at them, nodding.

“when is felix coming back?” your little cousin asked.

“we’re gonna put your brother to bed, and then he’ll be back okay? i’m gonna start dinner soon.” you smiled, knowing how much they enjoyed felix playing with them.

you walked upstairs to felix rocking your baby cousin to sleep. he was even singing something in a hushed voice. your eyes almost began to water, covering your mouth in awe.

you watched as felix gently laid the baby down, covering him with a small blanket. he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on the boy’s forehead.

“sleep well,” he whispered, turning around.

his eyes widened when he was met with your figure in the doorway.

“you’re gonna be a great father someday. i can feel it.” you whispered, walking down the stairs behind him. he stopped at the bottom, wrapping you in a hug.

“you won’t have to ‘feel it’, you’re gonna be there with me.” he smiled, tracing gentle shapes on your back.

“come on, before my sister tries to kill me for stealing her man.” you mocked her, walking back into the kitchen.

you could hear the giggles of your boyfriend and the kids from the living room, and you couldn’t help but smile to yourself, imagining what it would be like to have something like that with felix someday.

you finally finished cleaning up and cooking, you quietly brought the bowls of macaroni to the kids. you walked into the living room and to your surprise, felix was passed out with your little cousin and sister squished into his sides. you smiled gently at them, placed the bowls on the table. you leaned back slowly, pulling out your phone to snap a photo of their sleeping bodies. after slipping your phone back into yo pocket, you bent down to kiss your boyfriend’s head.

“sleep well, i love you so much.”

you sat down on the opposite end of the couch, letting out a content sigh.

how did you get so lucky?

[spookyboywhump]

Everett and baby Eli because yeah

***

He didn’t remember falling asleep. He blinked tiredly as he stared up at the ceiling, vaguely aware of how cold he was despite being covered in sweat. Sure he hadn’t showered after getting home but he swore it hadn’t been that bad. That morning he knew he was coming down with something, he’d woken up with a sore throat and a cough but he’d hoped he’d have a day or two before the real symptoms set in, but apparently he wasn’t that lucky. He finally forced himself to sit up, glancing around the room, he saw it was dark out already, he must’ve slept for hours, and Eli wasn’t in his bed. The door was open though, and he could hear his voice from across the apartment, Everett figured he was talking to their mom.

He got out of bed, immediately hit with a wave of nausea and dizziness, but after waiting a moment for it to pass he left the room, making his way down the hall. The tv and lights were off in the living room, but he found Eli in the kitchen, focused intently on a picture he was coloring. Their mom was nowhere in sight, and he realized Eli had likely been talking himself through what he was doing, as he often did. He looked up when Everett walked into the room though, immediately dropping the crayon he was holding and jumping to his feet, standing on the chair.

“Ev! Y-you- you’re awake!” He said, smiling at him.

“Sure am.” He said, smiling back at him. “Where’s mom at, did she go to bed early?” He asked, and Eli shook his head.

“Sh-she left er-earlier, a- uh few hours a-ago, I-I think.” He told him, and Everett felt his stomach drop. When he looked at the clock on the stove he saw it was already past eight, he couldn’t believe Eli had been by himself that long. He instantly felt sick and guilty, and Eli could see it on his face. “Wh-what- what’s- what’s wrong?” He asked, that happy look on his face quickly shifting to concern. He always got this little frown on his face, and an almost scared look in his big blue eyes. It upset Everett just to see him like that, he didn’t need to be so worried about anything at only eight years old.

“Nothing… hey, listen, if she leaves while I’m asleep again, I want you to wake me up right away, okay?” He told him as he walked over, and Eli nodded quickly.

“Oh-okay!” He said, and giggled when Ev ruffled his hair.

“She fed you before she left, right?” He asked, and much to his dismay Eli shook his head.

“Sh-she said- she said you would when- when you w-woke up…” He told him, and Everett sighed, walking past him to find something to make.

“Alright kid, think you can clean up your stuff while I make dinner?” He asked him, searching through the cabinets and freezer for something rather low effort to make. He told himself he’d make Eli a good breakfast when he was feeling better, because he knew he didn’t have it in him to make a good dinner. Thankfully, Eli was easy to please.

He was more than happy to stand next to the stove for a while, enjoying the warmth he got from it. He wished he’d grabbed his jacket before leaving the room. He could hear Eli moving around behind him, gathering up papers and putting crayons back into the box. After a moment he felt him tug on the hem of his shirt and he looked down, holding up a brightly colored picture of a shark.

“L-look- look! This- uh this is a- a whale sh-shark!” He said, a big smile on his face. “It’s uh- it has wh-whale in the- in the name but it is a sh- a shark.”

“It looks great, Eli!” He told him, trying to sound as upbeat as he could with a sore throat and hoarse voice. “Go ahead and put it on the fridge, okay?” He told him, and Eli happily ran over to stick it to the fridge door with a magnet, among all the other doodles Everett had pinned there. He was always so proud of them, and whenever Everett brought a friend by Eli would take any chance he got to show them all his finest work. He really thought it was just adorable.

It didn’t take long for him to get food made for Eli, the kid probably couldn’t have been more happy to have a bowl of mac and cheese set in front of him, and while he ate Everett made himself some hot tea, just wanting something to soothe his throat.

“Are-aren’t you- aren’t you gonna c-come eat?” Eli asked, twisting around in his chair to look at him.

“No, I’m not hungry.” He told him. Truthfully even the smell of food was making him more and more nauseous, he worried if he tried he may vomit, and that was the last thing he needed right now. He brought his mug over to the table and sat down across from his brother, allowing himself to relax as he held the warm mug with both hands.

Eli quieted down for a moment while he ate, but eventually he started up again, telling Everett about the day he’d had at school. He excitedly told him about how he got an A on a spelling test, and he found a caterpillar at recess but he hadn’t been allowed to bring it inside, and he’d even managed to answer a question in class without stuttering once, which he was especially proud of. He seemed happy, and that made Everett happy considering Eli usually didn’t have such great days at school.

“Ev-Ev can I- Can you put a uh, a movie on for me?” He asked once he’d finished eating, getting up to put his bowl in the sink before Everett could do it. He was still so small, even for his age, he had to stand on his toes to reach without just dropping it in. Everett had to force himself to not do everything for him, even if he was little he was more than capable.

“Sure thing kid, go pick one out and I’ll set it up.” He told him, and Eli happily ran off to the living room. In the meantime Everett went to their bedroom to grab his jacket, pulling it on and zipping it up, but he was still freezing cold. He tried to ignore it though, he didn’t want to look as awful as he felt. He returned to the living room and Eli eagerly handed him the movie he picked before going to jump onto the couch. It was the same one he’d picked multiple times a week for the past month or so, but he didn’t really mind, he just put it on the tv and then went to sit down with Eli, letting him cuddle up against his side.

He tried to stay awake but now that they were settled down the exhaustion was quickly over taking him once again. He’d already slept enough, he thought he had anyway, but it was difficult for him to keep his eyes open, and he was still shivering even with Eli cuddled up against him. At least once Eli asked if he was okay, he seemed so worried, Everett just told him he was fine. Eventually, despite his best efforts, his eyes finally fell shut and he slipped into a restless, feverish sleep.

He wasn’t sure how long he slept but when he woke up the room was quiet, the movie paused, and he was lying on his side on the couch, shivering violently, to the point his muscles ached. At first he started to panic, he didn’t see Eli in his immediate sight, but when he started to sit up he saw him at the other end of the couch, trying to pull a blanket over him.

“Ev!” He said as soon as he saw he was awake, looking at him with big, worried eyes.

“Hey kid… what are you doing…?” He asked with a yawn, sitting up completely as he crossed his arms over his chest. Despite his jacket he was still freezing cold.

“You- you seemed- you seemed cold, and- and you looked up-upset while you uh while you slept, like- like you were having a bad dream…” He said, his voice shaking like he was about to cry. “So-so I got a- a blanket…”

“Oh, Eli… you don’t need to worry about me...” He assured him. He gently took the blanket from him and pulled it up over his legs, and when he did so Eli picked something up off the floor, holding his stuffed shark out to him.

“Here!”

“What? That’s your shark, you keep that.” He told him, but he shook his head, more or less pushing it into his hands.

“Ev- Ev helps me s-sleep, so, so you need him.” He said, and Everett didn’t have much of a choice but to accept it. He tucked it under one arm and pulled the blanket back, motioning for Eli to climb up onto his lap, which he quickly did, laying on his chest as Everett draped the blanket over both of them. He managed to grab the remote and he restarted the movie for Eli, holding his brother close to him as he finally began to relax. He was still cold but the blanket and weight of his brother were helping to warm him up, and he still couldn’t keep his eyes open.

He fell back asleep while still holding Eli, but this time he was much more comfortable and relaxed than before.

***

Two days passed and Everett had started to feel a lot better. He woke up to get Eli ready for school as normal, but when he shook him awake the boy whined, curling up and hugging his shark closer to his chest. This wasn’t like him, and Everett knelt down beside the bed, pressing the back of his hand against his forehead. He was burning up, and he sighed heavily, not surprised Eli caught a cold from him given how easily he got sick.

“Hey kid… how’re you feeling…?” He asked softly, and Eli shook his head, whining again in response. “Alright, I’ll call your school and get you some medicine, okay?” He told him, and he nodded.

He tried to do so quickly, and Eli gagged when he drank the cold medicine from the cup, but he didn’t cry this time so Everett knew that was a good sign. He helped prop him up with pillows and stuffed animals and he stepped away to let him rest, but Eli reached his arms out towards him, like he was trying to grab him.

“Eeev…” He whimpered, looking absolutely pitiful, teary eyed and red in the face. Everett couldn’t stand to see him so sad, and he had him move over, sitting down with him and hugging him close to his side. He sniffled as he cuddled up to him, and Everett gently ran his fingers over his arm, knowing it comforted him.

In no time he quieted down, and his breathing returned to being even as he drifted off back to sleep, hugging Everett as best he could. It would be a long few days, whenever Eli got sick he always got it bad but Everett didn’t mind having to care for him- especially after Eli’s sweet attempt to care for his older brother while he was sick. If anything he was just happy to spend time with him, giving him the attention he knew he really needed. Eventually he managed to fall back asleep himself, still holding Eli at his side.

[fromcainwithlove]

this is because i chatted with @thepavementsings about pregnant yuki and then she talked about what cravings he would have and i spiraled.

so: pregnant driver cravings for half the grid

lewis: not just meat, fast food meat. he’s so mad about it all the time. he’s going through impossible burgers at a rate previously unknown to man. makes seb stop at panda express and get the plant based orange chicken. sometimes they’re grilling outside the grocer and he just stands with his eyes closed and inhales as hard as he can.

seb: käsespätzle, exactly how his mom made it. lewis tries to bring home mac and cheese and seb loses it. that’s not even cheese, it’s POWDERED CHEESE FOOD. lewis has to call his mom and endure 20 minutes of overbearing german mother interrogation before she’ll tell him the secret ingredient.

charles: literally the most impossible things to find. it’s the middle of january, he wants a peach freshly picked from the orchard, still sun-warmed and juicy. accuses pierre of not loving him when he brings home an apricot.

pierre: doesn’t crave anything, has awful aversions instead. there’s an entire month where the sight and smell of noodles makes him want to puke?? charles has to eat dinner in the bathroom with the fan on more than once.

yuki: cereal. literally prowling the aisles, belly pushing into the cart handle, just trying to find something frosted with a ton of sugar. buys a family size box of lucky charms and eats all of the marshmallows.

daniel: shellfish, which he thinks is great because it’s not too unhealthy right? max dutifully buys him fresh shrimp and clams like three times a week and it’s fine it’s great he doesn’t mind the house smelling like the bottom of the ocean 24/7 he doesn’t mind watching daniel slurp down a dozen oysters at 6 am this is love hahaha

max: let’s be real, it’s ice cream. mostly dense chocolate flavors but he’ll go for something with caramel in it too. he eats half a pint every day weeks 20-22 and then the obgyn mentions that he’s put on a little more weight than they’d like in the second trimester and he cries. they have to find a new doctor and daniel is not allowed within 100 feet of the building for a year.

lando: anything salty. so many packets of crisps the inside of his mouth is abraded and sore. george calls him out on twitch like, did you just salt your pizza?? lando refuses to be shamed, just rubs his belly and says she gets what she wants.

alex: the spiciest stuff on earth. his mom is constantly slapping his hands away from sauces and telling him that he’s gonna make the baby come too soon, but he can’t taste anything unless it’s at an 11. the baby’s born with a little red birthmark on his shoulder and she’s like I TOLD YOU ALL THIS WOULD HAPPEN

valtteri: warm drinks with cinnamon and nutmeg and cloves. hot apple cider, spiced chocolate, decaf coffee drinks. valtteri is doing the whole pregnant goddess thing, skin glowing, cheeks pink, never has a day of sickness, takes all the multivitamins. tells pierre to drink ginger tea when he’s nauseous which is like 6 solid weeks and pierre wants to choke him but then he tries the tea and it does actually help.

and i’m very tired so that’s all i’ve got but i would love to hear thoughts on more drivers/different ideas!

[orangeoctopi7]

All of Your So-Called Problems

[AO3 link]

Stan was trying to find room for the leftover Mac and Cheese in the fridge when he heard the doorbell. He grumbled a few obscenities under his breath as he trudged towards the door. He was NOT in the mood for visitors tonight, even if they might be paying customers. The fact that a demon was trying to break into the house to steal some world-ending piece of junk from Ford didn’t help.

"We're closed!" He shouted before he even peeked out the window. He pulled back the blinds just enough to glare at whoever thought it was a good idea to drop by this late, and his eyebrows raised nearly to his receding hairline when he saw who it was.

"Wendy!? Since when do you knock?" Stan couldn't think of a single time she hadn't just come in and made herself at home since she'd started working at the Shack.

"Since Dipper told me you answered the door with a loaded gun earlier today." The teen answered as Stan opened the door.

"Gonna have to have a talk with that runt about blabbing." Stan rolled his eyes. "What, you having a movie night with the kids?"

"Not exactly." The teen jerked a thumb over her shoulder, and Stan finally noticed the rest of the Corduroy family standing just behind her, right off the porch. They were all carrying sleeping bags and pillows.

"...Wha?" Stan could only utter a surprised grunt as his brain tried to piece together why it looked like the entire Corduroy family was here for a sleepover. 

"Dipper called me and said we could stay here until your brother puts up a barrier around our house." Wendy explained, noticing her boss's confusion. "...Aaand he never even told you anything about it, did he?"

"He sure didn't." Stan deadpanned.

As if on cue, Dipper and Ford both stepped into the entryway.

"Oh, Wendy, you're here already!" Dipper said, voice dripping with faked surprise. "I forgot to ask Grunkle Stan if it was ok for you guys to stay the night. But gosh, since you're already here, I guess we can't turn you away!"

"You can drop the act, bucko, I wrote the book on It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission." Stan folded his arms disapprovingly. "The answer's still no. We're already putting up one freeloader."

"I'm the one who said they could stay." Ford said firmly.

Stan turned his glare to his brother. "This isn't a safehouse, genius!"

"It's my house, Stanley!"

"Where are they even gonna sleep!?"

"Well, perhaps we'd have some place to put up guests if you hadn't turned the two largest rooms into a tourist trap!"

"Oh, like you kept the place ready for company when you lived here!" Stan countered. "These rooms were both filled to the brim with your weird experiments when I got here!"

“Hey, we can sleep outside like men, if it’s too much trouble to put us up!” Manly Dan interrupted the brothers’ argument.

“Unfortunately, that’s not an option.” Ford shook his head. “The barrier barely extends past the front porch.” 

Ford quickly took a mental survey of where there might be extra room. The basement lab was out. He’d finished dismantling the portal, but he was storing the rift down there for now. His secret study was supposed to be a secret, and he still needed to clear out all that old Bill memorabilia. The attic was already taken by Dipper and Mabel. Stanley still had the main bedroom, and Fiddleford was currently sleeping on the couch in the upstairs study. That left the den, which might be large enough for one or two people, but certainly not a family of five. If only Stan hadn’t filled his old experiment and specimen rooms with useless junk! Sure, the rooms hadn’t exactly been empty before, but Ford at least would have known what things could be moved where to make room for their guests. Even his old thinking parlor was… wait…

“What about the parlor?” The old researcher asked.

Stan shrugged. “I kinda use it as a space for rotating exhibits, or whatever else I need at the time. Pretty sure it’s still full of leftover campaigning junk.”

“So, nothing we can’t throw out then.”

“Not so fast, genius, I still haven’t agreed to letting anyone stay here.”

“This is an emergency, Stanley!” Ford fumed. “And besides, it’s not your decision to make!”

Stan regarded the Corduroy family still standing awkwardly on his porch, and tried to imagine Manly Dan with those disturbing yellow eyes he’d seen on that time traveler earlier. He tried to picture the hulking lumberjack acting like that erratic demon. It was not a pleasant thought.

“Alright, fine.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “But only because I don’t want any of these ax-weidling giants possessed by a triangular serial-killer. And don’t expect me to provide any bedding or food!”

“Yeah, we can probably snare ourselves a few squirrels or something.” Wendy’s oldest brother assured Stan.

Stan grimaced. “On second thought, help yourselves to some canned meat. Only the stuff that’s expired though!”

“Thanks Stan.” Wendy said. “For giving us a place to stay until this blows over, not for the expired meat.”

“What? They pad that date out by at least a year. As long as it smells fine, it’s good to eat.” Stan defended himself.

The teen rolled her eyes but stepped into the Shack, followed by her family.

Ford observed them all carefully as they entered. No hesitation or sign of even noticing it as they crossed over the barrier. So they definitely weren’t possessed now. He would have to keep a close eye on them while they stayed. He knew that Dipper trusted Wendy, and that was good enough for him, for now, but the others? Ford vaguely remembered Dan from when he’d been a young man, building this very cabin for him. He’d been friendly, loud, and boisterous. It appeared his sons were cut from the same cloth. But it was hard to say whether or not Bill could convince any of them to try and smash the rift.

“So Wendy, did you manage to get more unicorn hair?” Dipper asked as he helped her lay out a sleeping bag in the parlor.

“Oh yeah. I just snuck into that glade again with a pair of shears and a tranq dart. Works just as well as fairy dust.” She handed a grocery bag full of rainbow hair to Ford.

Ford made a mental note to add that tidbit to the Journal 1 entry on unicorns later. “I’ll get started on it first thing tomorrow.”

Mabel came downstairs to help just a minute later. After a lot of rearranging of campaign signs and novelty phones, everyone had a sleeping space set out. Dan took Stan’s recliner in the den, and his youngest son set out a sleeping bag at his feet. The oldest three children laid out their sleeping bags between the piles of junk in the parlor. 

“Ohmigosh, Dipper, we should pull our mattresses down here and have a mega-sleepover!” Mabel gasped as she pushed the last of the campaign signs into a corner.

“What was the point of clearing out all this junk if we aren’t even gonna sleep in our own beds?” Dipper asked tiredly.

“Hmm, good point. Maybe Barry and Stuart can sleep in our beds, and we can sleep down here with Wendy!”

Dipper and Wendy’s middle brother both blushed beet red.

“Uh… I mean… I, uh, I don’t think Wendy would want to sleep with me--US! With us!” Dipper stammered.

“M-me? Sleep in a g-girl’s room? Like a room that a girl sleeps in?” The middle brother gulped.

“Yyyeah, I think we’re good where we are.” Wendy said cooly, trying to diffuse the awkward tension in the room.

“Aw man!” Mabel pouted, but she didn’t put up any other protest than that. Dipper suspected she was still pretty worn out from the rescue mission this morning.

Eventually, everyone got settled down and the children all fell asleep. The elder Pines twins moved back to the living room to check on Dan one more time.

"Hey, now that the kids are asleep, I've been meaning to ask you something." The lumberjack said in a low rumble that was probably his version of a whisper. "How long have there been two of you?"

"Hooboy…" Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. He really didn't want to retread this again.

"I'm Stanford. I'm the one you first met when you built this place for me. My brother Stanley has been living here under my name for the last 30 years." Ford summarized tiredly. Apparently he wasn't in the mood to make a big deal out of it right now either.

Stan could practically see the gears turning in Manly Dan's head. Eventually the grizzled lumberjack nodded. "Yeah, that adds up."

With that, he turned over and went to sleep. Stan was a little surprised that the guy accepted their explanation just like that. But then again, Dan had lived in Gravity Falls his whole life.

Ford grabbed a folding chair from the card table and carried it out into the giftshop.

"Are you seriously gonna stay up and keep watch over that snowglobe thing all night?" Stan asked incredulously.

"My usual sleeping place is already occupied, I may as well." 

"Y’know, operating on so little sleep just makes you more likely to screw up.”

“Don’t worry. I’m well accustomed to it.”

“Not reassuring.” Stan said flatly, turning and climbing the stairs up to his room. If he was being perfectly honest with himself, he probably wouldn’t sleep a wink tonight either. But at least he was going to try. Ford was going to run himself ragged if he kept up this pace.

- - -

Nights in prison were the worst part of the whole ordeal, in Gideon's opinion. At least during the day, he was able to sway the other inmates to do what he wanted. There was a sort of mob mentality that he could take control of. But at night, it was just Gideon and his cell-mate, and there was nothing the boy could do to stop the hulking man from taking his pillow and doing whatever he wanted with it. 

Last week, the convicted felon had staged a wedding in their cell. He’d made a veil out of toilet paper and hummed “Here Comes the Bride” and everything. Tonight, he seemed to be discussing the possibility of children with his new “wife”.

“But Tessa, your mother and your aunt both died in childbirth! I’m just worried about you, honey!” He paused for whatever imagined reply the pillow gave. “Adoption, you say? I’ll admit, I had not considered it.”

Gideon groaned. He couldn’t even put a pillow over his ears to try and block out the nonsense! He’d tried to persuade the warden to let him switch cell mates so he could room with Ghost Eyes, but apparently they were “both instigators” and putting them both in the same cell would be “asking for a prison riot”.

The boy’s eyes flicked with annoyance to the cat poster still hiding his last attempt to summon Bill Cipher. The triangle had appeared and promised he was working on something, but so far Bill had failed to deliver.

“Stupid useless demon!” Gideon muttered under his breath. He rolled over, expecting another sleepless night.

Well, it did turn out to be sleepless, but not for the reason he’d anticipated.

It was a little past 10 PM when Gideon heard the familiar sound of an old van’s engine revving. He’d heard it many times on his father’s used car lot, but what on earth would one of those junkers be doing here?

That’s when he heard the unmistakable sound of a van crashing through a wall. Followed by the even more unmistakable sound of a machine gun.

“Heavens to Betsy, what was that!?” Gideon ran to his barred window just in time to see a pudgy man with a machine gun walk away from the wreckage of where a large van had burst through the prison wall. His maniacal laughter sounded familiar.

“Well whaddya know? Bill came through!” Gideon said in a hushed whisper. 

He dove away from the window with a yelp a second later when the machine gun started firing in his direction. A few seconds later there was a much quieter bang as a tall ladder hit the wall just outside the window. 

“HEY GIDEON, I HEARD YOU WERE GETTING TIRED OF YOUR PRISON AND WANT TO FIND SOMEPLACE NEW TO PARTY?”

“Bill!?”

“THE ONE AND ONLY!”

“Are you trying to kill me, you maniac!?” 

“YEESH, YOU FLESH-SACKS ARE SO SENSITIVE! YOU’RE FINE. BESIDES, I NEEDED TO LOOSEN THESE BARS!” He ripped out the bars on the window with ease. They’d already been loosened by the machine gun fire. “YOU COMING OR NOT? I NEED YOUR HELP STAGING A LITTLE PRISON BREAK OF MY OWN.”

Gideon pouted and followed the demon down the ladder, grumbling the whole way.

“... You know what, Tessa? I don’t think I want kids after all.” Gideon’s cowering cell mate said after they left. 

Bill kept the guards off them with plenty of machine gun fire, but he had little regard for who he was shooting at, guard or prisoner. He even narrowly missed Gideon on a few occasions.

“Oooh, I hope Killbone’s foot will be ok.” The boy hissed sympathetically as he saw one of his inmate friends go down.

“NAH, HE’S CRIPPLED FOR LIFE!”

They finally made it to the van, and Gideon climbed into the passenger-side door. Bill followed after him.

“A-aren’t you gonna drive?” The boy asked.

“TCH, FUNNY! I JUST RAMMED THIS THING THROUGH THREE WALLS OF CONCRETE; YOU THINK THE MEASLY COMBUSTION ENGINE STILL WORKS?” He flicked a lighter on and dropped it down between the driver’s seat and the steering wheel. Gideon could smell the gasoline. This thing was going to blow any second. He scampered over the benches and out the back door. Bill followed casually behind him.

“Then how are we supposed to get away!?” Gideon demanded as he sprinted to put distance between himself and the burning van.

“RELAX, SHORT-STACK, I’VE GOT A SECOND GET-AWAY CAR RIGHT HERE!” Bill pointed out a small black Audi parked behind a tall tree.

“Then why did you set the van on fire?” Gideon asked in confusion.

“BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT’D BE FUN.” Bill grinned as the van blew up behind them. Gideon screamed and ducked to avoid fiery flying debris. “AND I WAS RIGHT!”

Gideon got into Bill’s car. There was no child’s car seat. “You better drive careful.” He warned the demon.

“AHAHAHAHA, OH GIDEON, YOU’RE ALWAYS A RIOT!” Bill struggled to shift the car into drive, and Gideon had just enough time to realize with horror that the demon didn’t really know how to operate a human vehicle before it sped off through the trees.