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#main thing is it worries me that it feels like we need to take a big leap to get nace back together
autisticlancemcclain · 8 months
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Could you explain your position on Shallura? Since Allura was established as a teenager when she started dating Lance and Shiro was very clearly an adult. I can understand the bi shiro headcannon but the shallura thing worries me
i am going to remind yall that i have been in this fandom since 2016. and in the early seasons, allura was not established as a teenager. in fact she was coded as older, as closer to shiro's age -- there was a specific divide between her and the younger paladins that she did not have with shiro. they made her younger (both explicitly and in mannerisms) as the show went on. and i do not give a fuck about voltron like...post s4 and i didn't even watch s7-8. so like. especially with older fics, im going to enjoy shallura.
#also this is less relevant and i was going to put it in the main post but i cant find the words for it#but i found your last sentence kind of condescending. “the shallura thing worries me” as if i am your little project and things arent going#to plan. as if you are the Knower Of All Things and i am straying from my path lol. twas odd#and this is a controversial thing to say i know it but like#we take fandom way too seriously. if someone decides in fic to make two characters the same age to ship them or whatever. do we really need#to get the torches and pitchforks. like i can understand discomfort when people ship like shiro and pidge or something but. also. i feel#like you can just block and move on?? like i dont ship sheith bc they are brothers. to me. but also i dont think sheithers should be#harassed or any dumb shit like that. i think its so so whatever like theyre Lines man theyre moving lines#at the same time i understand that peoples headcanons can be reflective of their worldviews (like when racism/transphobia/sexism shine#through someone's headcanons/characterization) but how much scrutiny is too much? when do we get to remember that fandom is a place to#work with the FICTIONAL? where you can change details without consequence? i saw a fic where keith was the older sibling and shiro was the#younger once. it was a good fic. how come we can play with ages but only when the Fandom Council approves?#i guess this is a really long and clumsy way to say like. you do not own the fandom nor do you get to dictate my work. and while there#is always room for necessary criticism please also think critically before you post your criticism#anyways#rant#ask
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flythesail · 1 year
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Alright my nace people! I think we all just need to
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eikichi-supremacy · 6 months
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hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification
#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ...#im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!!#keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots#in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say#and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that#anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared#she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend#now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko#whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble#you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i#and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd#i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke#who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan#to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair#yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair#so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼#the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be#she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that#dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me#the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way#idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it#character analysis#yukimura keiko#yu yu hakusho
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dayurno · 5 months
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#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers#literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live#so you may be subjected to some nonsense#that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings#the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass#the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that#the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check#im joking of course dont quote me on it#jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well.#'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me'#also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml#jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated#a character with many moving parts im sure#there were a few things i did not care for#namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion#i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense#i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on#all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family#so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me#which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean#i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest#uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him#andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck#two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other#the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier#but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited#uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably#pedestrian#not necessarily in a bad way#it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters
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bunnys-kisses · 4 months
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thing just ain't fittin'
captain john price
cw: pwp/smut, younger!reader (legal aged), size kink, shy!reader, female reader, finger-fucking, brief oral sex (reader receiving), multiple orgasms, breeding kink
bunny: *leaves this and goes running for the hills*
a sight to behold.
lips touched lips.
price was a maniac for your affection. and how much he wanted to cram every last inch into your sweet cunt. he wondered if it would fit, at almost eight inches he knew that it was hard to stuff it all in his pants. so to get it to fit into your tight heat was going to be another challenge.
so price had you on your back, you clung to a pillow on your chest as you moaned into it. you hid your face because you were just so shy. his lips were up against your neck as he finger-fucked you.
his facial hair brushed against your skin that felt like a live wire was being run across it. he could feel your quick pulse under his lips as he continued to attempt to loosen your cunt for his heavy cock.
when he got undressed and revealed his hard on to you, your eyes went wide and you gulped. you thought you knew what "almost eight inches" looked like, until it was pressed up against your face, your nose dipped into his dark pubic hair.
it wasn't fittin'.
so he laid you back on the bed and played with your sweet sex until you were soaked. he wanted to make sure that when he sank into your pussy, it felt good.
"that's my good girl." he purred, his cock stood at full attention.
"john." you croaked.
he chuckled, "don't worry, love. let me take care of ya. my sweet girl." he kissed at the shell of your ear, "so good for me. you like when i play with you like this." he tugged on it a little with his teeth, "tell me, love. how much do you like it?"
you clung to the pillow tighter and whimpered, it felt like you were being taken apart piece by piece. your wetness clung to your inner thighs. you replied, "it feels so good, john."
he calloused thumb grazed your clit and you jolted up. but he was quickly and kept your pinned to the bed by his forearm against your chest, "down girl." he chuckled.
the sounds of your wetness paired with your sweet moans filled your bedroom. your toes curled and you hole fluttered around his digits. you didn't even need to say in words how good it all felt. your brain was currently being melted by his touches.
and it wasn't even the main event yet.
"please, john. I think i'm ready!" you whined.
your older boyfriend chuckled, "i'm not takin' ya to the hospital because i was too big for my so much smaller girl." he pulled away to look at you. to monitor your expressions as he moved his fingers faster.
you tensed up as you hid your face once more. but he wasn't letting you hide for much longer. he pulled your head away from the pillow and held you hair as he examined your face. his pace was brutal.
"john! ah! fuck!" you whined.
he kissed your flushed cheek and said, "good girl. come around my fingers. i want to make sure you're as wet as you can get, love. i want to fit like a glove in you."
you replied, "maybe if you weren't so big we wouldn't have this problem."
he grabbed you by the face and turned you to face him. his expression seemed hard for a moment as he said, "you won't be complainin' once it's buried in ya."
his dominating demeanor was enough to make you orgasm. you clutched onto the pillow and came around his thick fingers. you swore you saw stars as you hit your peak.
price was pleased with himself as he pulled his fingers out of you, they glistened in the soft light of your bedroom. curiosity got the best of him as he licked your wetness off of his fingers. the sight of it in your heightened euphoria made your cheeks burn.
"only the best." he purred he licked his top lip before he got himself between your legs. his movements were slow but precise, like he had been practicing in his mind how to get himself to fit in you. he grabbed you by the thighs and had his face between your legs.
he shuddered when he got to taste you wet pussy. the slick clung to your lips as he gave them a gentle lick. his cock was painfully hard, if he didn't get into you soon he was going to finish all over the sheets.
and why would he do that? not when he has the most perfect, soaked pussy to fill up.
he panted as he took small breaks to catch his breathing. your wetness is in his facial hair. those blue eyes looked up from where he was before he dove back in.
"please, ah! john!" you whined.
he was certain you were overwhelmed with pleasure. he gave the top of your pussy a kiss, right over you cervix. he smiled as he kissed your soft skin. kisses mark the spot.
the spot he was going to finish on.
he wiped his mouth, he knew he'd have to wash his face afterwards. the taste of you lingered on him as he got between your legs and rested on his heels. his cock stood proud.
your brain was to riddled with pleasure that his cock looked a little less intimidating.
a big cock for a big man in charge.
while he didn't make you feel small in a bad way, sometimes the sheer size him had you feeling like a little delicate creature. it didn't help that almost an hour since you entered the bedroom, he was only now fucking you.
he grabbed the pillow from you and put it under your hips for leverage. he admired your sweaty body as his cock pushed into your pussy. the feeling of your tight cunt almost knocked the wind out of him.
you covered your face as you moaned. you felt so embarrassed by how good it felt. you couldn't believe it was all fitting in there.
"holy shit, love." he groaned. it came from the depths of his soul. he felt the sparks go off in his head as he managed to get inch after inch into you. eventually his heavy fuzzy balls were rubbing against you.
he had fit it all in you.
he placed a hand on your middle and rubbed it. his wishful thinking had him wondering if he could feel it in you. the heavy weight of his cock inside of his sweet girl's even sweeter pussy.
your cheeks burned, the room felt hot. but most of all you felt full. you were thankful that he was close to eight inches and not close to nine. you weren't certain there was enough space.
but you also knew that price would make it fit.
your older, more physically imposing boyfriend started to move his hips. your eyes squeezed shut as you felt the nudge of his length against where your pussy ended. it felt like it was past your uterus and was now just in your stomach.
"so small." he chuckled, his cheeks were stained pink, "but still you are such a good girl for me. i thought i was only gettin' the tip in. but i now know that your sweet little cunny can fit all of me."
you whimpered. while the pace wasn't particularly fast, every movements made shivers run through your body. you could feel it from your toes to the tip of your nose.
price admired you though. he watched as you squirmed to accommodate his movements. a thrill of possessiveness ran up his spine at the thought of how his cock could fit in you.
not that co-worker he hated, or the guy who bagged your groceries. or even the guy who cashed your pay stubs. only him, john price.
his pace began to pick up as he felt the pleasure cross up his spine. he wiped the sweat from his forehead and leaned in to kiss you. he planted both hands on either side of your head as he thrusted into you.
your body moved against the bed and you held onto the covers under you. you moaned and whimpered against his kiss. it was music to his ears and it made him ache for more.
his good girl, who made him all fit inside of her. weren't you just the most perfect girl he could ever ask for. he only parted the kiss for a moment before he went in for another.
his cock felt so heavy. your hole fluttered around it, it was euphoria as he continued to move. the pleasure was filling both of your heads with heavy heat. his chest was soon pressed against yours as he held your thighs up to get as deep as he could get.
you panted heavily between moans. you tried to meet his pace without thinking. your eyes were hazy. the pleasure was intense, you let you boyfriend take control however he saw fit.
"my girl."
"yes."
you were the first to climax. the pleasure built up in your gut once more and you clenched around him as you let out a high pitched noise from the intensity of the climax.
price held you legs open further as he continued to thrust into you. your wetness costed all the way to his balls by the time he was giving his last few thrusts.
"good girl." he groaned, "lettin' me fill her up." then held onto your thighs as he finished in you.
for a moment you wondered if you took your birth control today. but in all honesty, it was a little too late for that. price was certainly not firing blanks.
his cock didn't grow soft after he finished. instead it fueled a new fire in him. now that he knew he could fit inside of you, how many loads would it take to fill you to the brim.
your brain was blank as he moved you to the next position.
by the end of the night, you were covered in sweat and your middle was a little firmer from the amount of captain john price's seed was inside of you.
even if you tried to get plan b in the morning, there wasn't enough of it in the world to protect you from the sheer amount of cum there was inside of you.
oops. <3
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lovelettersfromluna · 5 months
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Too Sweet
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Summary: Getting divorced from your ex wife after a measly two years of marriage wasn’t exactly your plan, so now you’re packing up and moving back to your quiet small town, will old flings bring back even older feelings?
an: Count on me to hop from dark brooding vampire Ellie to high school sweethearts Ellie within the same month. Let’s just be completely honest, are you even apart of this community if you haven’t dabbled in mechanic!ellie? Long story short, I’m a sucker for a summer romance, so I hope you all enjoy!
Warnings: MDNI!! eventual smut in later chapters!!, this one is sickly sweet I’m sorry (but also very angsty), reader is a bit of a tough cookie at the beginning of this (her hearts broken and her walls are back up what do you want me to do), mentions of cheating (no main characters don’t worry, mentions of alcohol consumption (all characters are 21+ ofc), lots of flashbacks, lots of kissing, pet names (baby, princess, angel, and a few special ones), mentions of cigarettes, pls lmk if I missed anything!!
Read part 2 here!!
The summer breeze was cool against your body, the linen blanket protecting your bare legs from the prickly grass, the stars even seemed extra brighter, almost putting on a show for you and Ellie as you both gazed up at them.
The summer after your senior year of high school seemed to pass by in the blink of an eye. One moment, you were walking across the stage in front of your entire class, taking she diploma you’d worked for since you were in kindergarten, all of those countless years of school finally coming to that moment, and the next, you’re laid out on the ground in your backyard with Ellie, soaking in the feeling of your last night together before it was time to leave for college.
You noticed Ellie’s hand reach up, finger pointing to a small pair of stars at the very corner of the deep navy blue sky.
“See those two? Tucked away in the corner? I think that one’s us…” she hummed out. It sounded like she was sure of it too, like it was a well known fact that she was simply sharing with you. It makes you giggle, rolling over to straddle the girl beneath you.
And it’s like the very stars above are in her eyes when she’s looking up at you, her hands caressing your soft, bare thighs, watching as your hair frames your face oh so perfectly. One of her hands reaches up, tucking it behind your ear as she gives you a soft smile.
“Who told you could be so fuckin pretty?” She pouts out playfully, almost angry with how beautiful you are. It makes you roll your eyes, bringing your hand down and giving her cheek a soft pinch.
“Shut up…” you mumble out, quickly becoming shy beneath your girlfriend’s gaze.
In that moment, you realize just how much you’ll miss moments like this. You were going off to the big city to live your dreams and go to college, and Ellie was staying behind because frankly, school was never really her thing. You knew that when both your decisions had been made, that it would more than likely affect your relationship. The thought makes you frown, and Ellie notices immediately.
She’s giving your thigh a soft pinch, sitting up and giving you all her attention.
“I thought we said no pouting today…you promised” she sighs out, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. It doesn’t really help, your hands loosely wrapping around her shoulders as you stare down at her lap that you’re settled on.
“I just…know that everything will change tomorrow” you sigh out, a soft pout on your lips as you avoid Ellie’s gaze.
She hums out in understanding, listening to your worries, simply allowing you to voice them. She lets a moment pass by before she responds.
“It’ll only change if we let it…I’ll come visit you all the time, and you need to come back to bake me and my dad cookies” she hums out nonchalantly, giving you a gentle shrug, which only earns a soft huff and a nudge from you to her shoulder.
“I’m serious El…I hate the idea of being without you…” you huff out softly. She chuckles as you give her a shove before she leans in to give you another soft kiss.
“I am being serious…” she drawls out, pulling away from you and cupping your cheek softly, staring into your eyes with so much love and care, it was almost unbearable.
“You’ll always be my girl…you know that” her voice is above a whisper, as if you and her were the only two people in the world. Sat there, in the quiet back yard of your even quieter neighborhood, the wind chimes clanking together on the front porch, paired with the sound of the rustling of the trees in the breeze, all of it coming together to create something of a perfect lullaby that can only be described as Ellie.
And her words make your heart bloom, giving you the hope that you needed to wake up in the morning and start your journey as a small town girl in the big city, knowing that if all else fails, you’d always have your Ellie to look forward to and depend on when you needed her.
Your cheeks almost feel sore with how big you’re smiling, leaning in and pressing a loving kiss to your girlfriends mouth, to which she accepts gladly, strong hands on your hips as she pulls you down to lay on her chest as her back hits the ground softly.
“I love you so much, Ellie…” you sigh out against her lips, barely giving yourself enough time to say it between the passionate kiss you two share. It makes her smirk against your lips, nodding as she gives your waist a gentle squeeze.
“Love you more, dream girl..” she hums out against you as she practically drowns herself in you.
It’s funny, because while that all felt like it happened just yesterday, it had been almost five years since you’d last seen Ellie Williams in the flesh.
Because as most teenage girls do, they aim for the stars. They believe that the sky’s the limit in the adult world, and where there’s a will there’s a way, and tons of other stupid sayings that are just words used to promise yourself something that may or may not happen.
All of it was just that, words that didn’t amount to anything.
Because you didn’t expect for the city and college to be the way that it was. The first night you moved into your apartment was one of the most hectic you’d ever experienced. You were a girl from a comically small town, catapulted into this fast paced world filled with adults who were going and coming from work, other students trying to make a name for themselves, and people simply trying to live.
To put things into simpler terms, you just weren’t available enough to keep Ellie in your life.
While she spoke to you on the phone almost the entire night of your first night in your apartment, soothing you and helping you sleep, and she made sure to text you in the morning and make sure you had everything you needed, your responses on the other end just became less and less frequent. Phone calls slowly stopped, text messages weren’t getting answered, and you gradually disappeared from Ellie’s life, the city swallowing you hole and keeping you away from her.
The worst part about it? You barely even noticed Ellie wasn’t in your life anymore. Between your classes and your job, you barely had enough time to breath let alone keep a relationship with your girlfriend.
It wasn’t until about a year into city life that it all happened. You were so absent, that you didn’t even realize Ellie sent you a message one day saying it was best to just be friends rather than try to keep a relationship, wishing you the best in a way that sounded far too understanding.
Before you knew it, you found a girl to take Ellie’s place in your heart. She was smart, and kind, and from the moment you laid eyes on her in a bar in the city one night after exams, you knew she had to be yours.
Soon enough she was, the two of you moving a bit too fast for your parents taste. Getting married fresh out of college wasn’t exactly what they wanted for you, but you were happy! And that’s all that truly mattered to you.
Man, should you have listened to them.
Two years. Two fucking years with the girl you were planning on devoting your loyalty to for the rest of your life was all you had, all you were given until you caught her fucking her coworker into the mattress of the bed you two shared. To say you didn’t see it coming would be a lie. Your ex wife was a fucking moron who couldn’t lie to save her ass. You’d only been gaslighting yourself for the last six months of your marriage into thinking she was just going through a rough patch or even planning some romantic getaway for the two of you.
No romantic getaways though, only heartbreak.
It was like you couldn’t even cry when you saw it, your body freezing at the sight of them in your bed once you followed the very loud trail of moans leading to your bedroom. The idiots, they didn’t even have the decency to do it in a fucking hotel or something.
So as your wife’s (ex wife) chasing you through your apartment, watching as you silently grab your suitcase and throw your things into it, the girl on your bed watching with wide eyes as she grips your favorite silk sheets against her chest to cover herself, you only truly have one thing on your mind.
“Come on baby…I…it was one time! You have to believe me!” She’s calling out like a wailing child, and the voice you once loved with all your heart sounds like nails on a chalk board. You swiftly tug your wedding ring off of your finger, tossing it onto the coffee table.
“My lawyer will send over the divorce papers” you speak out clearly, wanting her to hear ever fucking syllable that exits your mouth before you leave the apartment with the door slamming behind you, muffling her pathetic pleas behind the door.
You needed to go home.
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Driving back to your home town was something you’d always imagine would be therapeutic. You imagined yourself packing your kids into a car with your wife, and making the drive all the way back to show them where their mommy grew up, allowing them to see a side of you that not many got to see.
This drive was nothing like that.
Instead, you were alone. Your old Cadillac your dad gifted you as a graduation present was practically begging you to get back on the road again. While it felt good to drive instead of taking a bus or a train, the circumstances made your heart ache.
While you didn’t cry when you initially found out about your wife’s affair, it all seemed to hit you on the drive back home, crashing down on you and making it hard to breath. You had to pull over and collect yourself for a good thirty minutes because the tears in your eyes were blurring your vision too much to drive.
You couldn’t even feel excited to go home, not with the overbearing weight of heartbreak leaving an ugly feeling in your chest.
It’s like your town is frozen in time. The same stores are there, the same shady trees, everything is just how you left it. It comes as a relief to you, because if your town had undergone a shitty futuristic makeover by some big corporate asshole looking for new business opportunities, you probably would’ve lost your mind.
The street where your house sits is just the same. There are kids riding their bikes up and down the quiet block, reminding you so much of yourself when you were their age. They even wave to you, giggling and smiling at you as if you’d been there the whole time, even though you’re sure a handful of them were born well after you’d left town.
And there your house sits, quiet and empty, practically waiting for someone to step in and fill her up. She’d been void of any of your family members ever since your parents became empty nesters and decided to travel the world. They of course let you know that the house was more than yours when they found out about your divorce. They told you they’d been needing someone to step in and take over for a while now since they’d been gone, that you were just the person they needed.
You knew they were saying that just to make you feel better.
Stepping out of your car and looking up at the house that you once called home makes your emotions all the more intense. It makes you feel old, but it makes you feel like you’d moved too fast all at the same time, your feelings contradicting each other in that sense. You have to take a deep inhale, swallowing back the tears that threatened to spill out onto your cheeks as you took a moment longer to take in the big house before you decided it was time to start moving your stuff into the house.
Besides a new couch and some new paint, the house is virtually the exact same as the way you left it. It makes your heart ache, because you realize you haven’t been back since the night you left when you were eighteen years old. You were too eager, too excited to leave behind the life your parents had built around you from the day you were born, that you neglected to even visit the world that they’d created for you.
It makes you feel like a bad daughter.
And suddenly you’re crying again, with no one to hold or console you, remind you that everything is fine and it only feels like the world is crashing down on you. Your life had gone in a way that you’d never expected, taking a course that you never saw for yourself, and it had its way of ignoring everything that you’d achieved, instead making you feel like a failure.
Your bedroom hasn’t changed either. The same shitty posters and figurines are still littered along your walls, your desk and your dresser, reminding you of all the silly little interests and hobbies you had as a young girl.
All the ones you’d forgotten as an adult.
It makes your heart ache, because it feels like everything is just crashing down on you and making you feel like all the things you’d been ignoring are practically begging, forcing you to acknowledge them, forcing you to feel them.
That first night back consists of you crying in the bath, followed by crying in your bed until you’ve fallen asleep.
You don’t leave the house for a few days, almost a week, thanking the forces of the internet that DoorDash had come to your small town, allowing you to feed yourself without the consequences of stepping out into town.
You weren’t ready for that. You weren’t ready for the people of your town to recognize you, to see the once happy, golden girl of their town that made it out of it all to get to the big city, back. Now lacking that sparkle she used to have in her eyes.
They all cared about you deeply, you could see it in the way they asked your parents constantly about you. But you couldn’t face them, not yet.
It doesn’t take long for the rest of your things that you’d shipped down to arrive at your house, a big truck stopping outside your house one early morning before setting everything in your garage. Once they left, you were faced with the task of moving all of the shit you’d accumulated in the city, into your new home.
And what a surprise it was when you were just about to grab a big box, only to see a familiar old grey truck pull up into your driveway next to your car.
Joel hadn’t changed at all. He was still just as old and burly as you remembered, his eyes crinkling at the edges with those familiar little wrinkles and his smile shining through the thick hair covering the bottom half of his face.
“Well would you look at who the cat dragged in” he chuckles out as he steps out of his car, old boots settling down onto the hot concrete of your driveway as his hand rested on the top of the car door.
His presence is enough to light up your face, quickly setting down the box as you rush out of the garage to meet the man outside of his car. The feeling of his strong arms wrapping around you in what could only be described as the closest thing to what hugging a bear feels like, temporarily mends your broken heart.
“Didn’t think I’d be seeing you again…it’s good to have you back kid…” he sighs out, chin pressed to the top of your head as you press your head against his chest. You can smell the faint scent of pine and cigarettes, further proving how much Joel has managed to stay the same since you’d last seen him.
You don’t trust yourself to respond, feeling the familiar tightening of your throat, the burning at your eyes and the tingle in your nose.
Joel had become somewhat of a second father to you, what with you and Ellie growing up together and all. Between your dad and hers being best friends, and you and Ellie being as close as you were, only to end up dating in high school, it wasn’t exactly a shock that you two had become so close with each others families.
Despite the heat of the summer time sun beating down on the both of you, you can’t bring yourself to let go of him. It feels like he’s the first person that’s hugged you in a long time and you’re fighting back the urges to cry with a fucking bat.
He chuckles softly, giving you a gentle squeeze before he pulls back, looking down into your eyes only to see that they’re pooling up with tears. You remind him so much of that little girl that was in and out of his home, stealing his daughter’s heart and running off with it to the big city to chase your dreams.
He can see so clearly just how much you’re hurting.
It makes him frown, bringing his hand up to ruffle your hair playfully.
You sniffle, biting back your tears as you stare up at the man. “What are you doing here?” You croak out, far too choked up to get a proper sentence out.
He hums softly as he looks up at the house, and then to the boxes filling up your garage, which he gestures to. “Your folks gave me a call…said you’d been comin’ home…they asked if I’d be able to help you get settled in” he explained, his eyes squinting a bit as if to size up the amount of things you had to take up before he gave a firm nod, as if confirming he’d be more than able to.
He looks back down at you, giving you his signature warm smile before he continues. “I was indeed free…so here I am” he confirmed with a chuckle.
You simply blink up at him, trying to gauge whether or not he knows, if your parents told him exactly why you were coming home along with telling him that you were coming back in the first place. Clearly you were moving back home, and he knew that you’d been married.
But he doesn’t say anything further. He doesn’t say he’s sorry, he doesn’t ask if you’re okay. He simply treats it like you’re just coming back home because you want to, not because you’re running away from something.
You decide to simply leave it at that.
Soon you’re giving him a soft smile, nodding as you look back at the boxes before leading him into the garage. You let out a soft sigh as you look at the work cut out for you two before you gesture towards them.
“It’s a lot, Mr. Miller…and I don’t expect you to help with everything so-“ he’s quickly cutting you off, the older man scoffing as he bends down to grab one of the bigger ones in a way that’s far too impressive for a man his age.
“Mr. Miller? The city went and made you all formal? Now…come inside and show me where you want these” he hums out casually, making you giggle softly before you grab a box yourself, moving to walk in front of him before you nod inside.
“Fine…but at least let me feed you once we’re finished” you make sure to add before leading him inside and show him where to place the box he had.
Soon, it’s nearly mid day and your garage is free of boxes. You almost don’t believe how quickly you and Joel were able to get all of the boxes in, the man moving quick for his age. You had to bite your tongue from mentioning it, knowing that he’d scoff and tell you he could run circles around the young kids asses any given day.
He of course lets you hold up your end of the bargain, making him a sandwich and some freshly squeezed lemonade just in time for lunch. Sitting down with him at your kitchen table makes you face just how lonely you’d been in that house. Sure, you didn’t mind doing things on your own, you were by yourself for the first three years of college before you met your ex wife. There was just something about being in your childhood home that was once bustling with life, always buzzing with the sounds of a family, now only filled with you and the soft patter of your feet against the wooden floor when you had to get from one point to another, that seemed to leave your heart feeling even more hollow than it already had become.
You knew that with some food and some spare time to simply sit with each other, conversation would erupt between you and Joel, so it didn’t come to a surprise when he finally mentioned the elephant in the room.
The plates were filled with crumbs and some discarded sandwich crust, glasses half filled with ice and a few lemon edges as you sat across from each other, the warm summer breeze blowing the lacy curtains further into the house.
“I don’t mean to pry…but what made you decide to come home?” He questions innocently. You know he isn’t doing it to gossip or lurk too deep in places that he doesn’t belong, he’s simply curious. He could see that look in your eyes when he first got there, and he knew that there was something behind them begging to get out, begging to be heard.
It makes you hum, your fingers lazily wrapped around the white and yellow striped straw in your cup, swirling around the remnants of your drink before you let out a soft sigh.
“I um…my wife and I got divorced…” your words trail off, almost ashamed to say them. You let out a soft scoff, nodding as you catch Joel’s shocked face before you continue.
“She was sleeping with her coworker…in our bed…” you pour salt on the wound with that one, a soft chuckle leaving your lips before you sigh, finally looking over at Joel to see he’s giving you and apologetic frown, his hand reaching over to grip your hand on the table, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“Kid…I….fuck…I’m sorry” he tries, and you’re shaking your head to stop him before he can even continue further.
“I shouldn’t have married her so quickly…my parents told me it wasn’t a good idea but I…was too eager” you mumble out with a shrug before you give him a soft smile, your hand moving up to give his a squeeze instead, wanting to assure the now sad man that everything was fine.
“I’m okay Joel…really…if anything it’s karma for what I did to Ellie-“ he’s quickly cutting you off, seeing the way you’re simply talking out of your ass at this point.
He’s shaking his head, settling back in his chair before he cuts you off. “No…nuh-uh…Ellie has never blamed you for how things ended and you know that” his voice gets a bit more firm, wanting you to fully understand what he’s trying to convey.
You can’t help but frown as you stare down at the old kitchen table, far too deep in thought to even listen to the man. He can tell, he can see that you’re zoning out and getting deep in your head, so he pushes himself forward, resting his forearms on the table as he gets a bit closer to you.
“She knew how much leaving meant to you…she’s never once blamed you for anything” he tries again, this time trying to convey to you how truthful his words were, how much he truly meant them.
Hearing her name only makes your heart hurt more.
Because it felt like the universe was punishing you for not choosing her, for choosing the wrong girl instead of the one that you’d be given, the one that was simply perfect for you. You knew you were wrong for it, but was all of this necessary?
You don’t say anything, simply giving the man a soft smile before you nod, moving to grab the empty plates and cups and moving them to the sink, desperately trying to escape the conversation.
You hear him hum softly behind you, knowing it means he’s going to speak further. “She owns the car shop in town….bought it off of Mr. Johnson a little while after you left…” he explains.
The thought of Ellie had crossed your mind the moment you came to terms with the fact that you were moving back home. She crossed your mind a lot, but knowing that there may or may not would come a time where you’d have to face her again had your stomach in knots. You knew little to nothing about Ellie now, you didn’t know what she was doing or whether or not she was still living in town, you didn’t even know if she was with someone or not.
So to hear her father confirming that she was in fact still there, still around and not angry or bitter over the way things happened, it felt all too much like Joel trying to play Cupid between his daughter and her high school girlfriend.
His words make you freeze for a moment, your hands stilling against the dish and the sponge in your hand. He notices this, standing up from his seat at the table and moving to stand next to you, his palms pressing against the counter as his neck cranes down to eye you carefully.
“You should stop by…say hello…if you want” he assures you, wanting you to know that it was completely up to you and what you were comfortable with. You finally look up, giving the older man a soft smile before nodding.
“I…thanks Joel…for everything” you manage, finishing up the dishes before you grab a nearby rag to dry your hands. He smiles warmly as he nods before he brings his hand up to check his watch, sighing softly as he nods his head towards the door.
“I’ll be heading out now then…I have some things I need to take care of in town” he explains, looking down at you and giving you a slight nod. “You call me if you need anything missy…you hear?” He firmly reminds you before cracking a smile, reaching out and giving your arm a gentle squeeze before you walk him out of your house.
That night, Joel’s words echo throughout your head, and all you can think about is seeing Ellie again. Should you even consider it? Was it even a good idea for a newly divorced girl to be dabbling in the world of her old flings? Her first fling to be exact?? It all somehow sounded like a recipe for disaster.
Yet you couldn’t stop yourself from mentally searching through your closet for an outfit to wear on your first official outing.
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After about another week of sulking in your house, you finally haul an old pair of denim shorts and a nice white linen blouse and force yourself out of your front door. Sure, you would’ve preferred crawling under your sheets and sobbing into your pillow, wondering why this had to happen to you, and why you couldn’t have a long happy marriage like everyone else, but healing had to start somewhere. You knew that you couldn’t do any of that if you continued wallowing in your own self pity.
The sun does a good job at pulling you out of your home. The weather was too nice to stay stuck inside of an old house all day. Summer vacation was in full swing, paired with the neighborhood kids bringing out the old sprinkler and everything, you’re sure you can even hear the ice cream truck coming down the road when you’re pulling out of your driveway.
It’s like you can finally see the beauty of your little town whenever you’re put together with the intention of coming out. It’s almost like the opposite of living life with rose colored glasses, instead you were blinded by a grey fog that came with your divorce, keeping you from truly seeing all that your home town had to offer.
Being in town does more for you than you’d ever imagine. Visiting the old faces that were once apart of your day to day almost makes it feel like you’d never left. Mrs. Charlotte still owns the little produce store, you’d always visit her after school and on the weekends because she always had some of the best strawberries no matter the season. The smile on her face when she saw you was one like no other, the woman grabbing you and pulling you into her chest the moment she saw you walk into her shop.
Mr. Johnny still owned the local photography store, he gave you your first job when you were sixteen years old. He’s partially to thank for helping you pay for college. You couldn’t believe your eyes when his little girl that you used to babysit was getting ready for her final year in high school, working in the same position you were when you were her age.
And Mr. and Mrs. Peters made sure to stop you when you were passing by their old pet store, Mrs. Peters unable to believe her eyes when she saw the golden girl passing by her old shop. She scolded you for not writing her earlier, letting her know that you were coming into town. You make it up to her by telling her you’re here to stay, and that you’ll make it a point to have both her and her husband over for dinner one of these days whenever they’re free.
So? Nearly nothing has changed. Sure, everyone’s gotten a bit older, but so have you. You’ve changed, and you’ve grown, and you’re so much different and so much more than the small towns golden girl that finally made it out to the big city, just to get her heart broken in the process of it all.
And that’s what you remind yourself as you find yourself pulling up to the familiar car shop that Joel had mentioned the week before.
It’s no surprise that Ellie ended up finding herself to be the owner of the local car shop in your town. She’d always loved cars, working on them, fixing them up, everyone in your school knew that if you had a problem with your vehicle, you’d call Ellie. She was the one that came together with your dad to fix his old Cadillac, fixing her up, turning her out and making her brand new for your adventures in the big city.
Standing in front of her shop makes your heart beat right out of your chest. But you’re here already, so you might as well just suck it up and walk right in.
As you do so, you can’t help but let the lingering thoughts take over. The suns already setting at this point, and you’re sure she’s close to closing up if she hasn’t already. What even was the point? Ellie probably didn’t even wanna see you! This was all Joel’s idea and what if he was just trying to make you feel-
“I’ll be right there!” You hear a familiar voice call out from the back, making your heart beat faster just from the sound of it.
She sounds the same, yet more mature. Her voice deeper with a bit of roughness to it, making her sound all the more irresistible. It makes you stand in the opened garage of her shop, surrounded by all of the cars that are opened up or hoisted up into the sky, your hands gripping your bag almost nervously as you stand there, frozen, unable to move.
Soon, she’s emerging from the back. She has a pair of navy overalls on, the sleeves tied around her waist, leaving her top half in a white wife pleaser, both of which were covered in motor oil and grease. Her arms are bigger, and covered in tattoos, something you remembered her saying she’d do the second she got the money for it. She’s taller too, and her hair is shorter, gone is the familiar pony tail she always had, instead it stops just at the nape of her neck, messily tossed into a bun while a few strands rests against her skin. her features stronger too, sharper.
She’s so different, yet so similar to the Ellie you remember, your Ellie. She still has the power of taking your breath away with a single glance.
“Well I’ll be damned…is that the dream girl?” She chuckles out with a soft smirk on her lips, pulling a red rag from her back pocket to wipe her hands clean. The nickname leaves goosebumps trailing down your skin.
Dream girl.
You recall the nickname from the many times you were with Ellie. Back when you two dated, she’d go on and on about how perfect you were, how she knew you were the girl of her dreams, animated into real life from the moment she laid eyes on you. You were the girl of her very dreams, and she never failed to remind you of that. Ever.
Hearing her call you that has your lips twitching up into a shy smile as you give her a shrug.
“In the flesh…” you mumble out, biting back an embarrassed giggle as the girl clearly drinks you in, eyes shamelessly raking up and down your body.
“Jesus…come here!” She groans out as she rushes towards you, strong arms wrapping around your middle and pulling you up, spinning you around as she keeps you in her arms. It makes you laugh loudly, a deep guttural laugh leaving your lips, possibly for the first time since your divorce.
The feeling of Ellie’s strong arms wrapping around your body feels like your missing puzzle piece has been given back to you, like you’ve been reunited with a part of you that you left behind far too long ago.
But she’s so much stronger now, and she’s older and…and…
It all just feels so right.
“Ellie stop! Put me down, you’re filthy” you whine out, landing a playful slap to her sweaty arm as she chuckles, finally setting you back down onto the floor.
She chuckles softly, settling her hands on either one of her hips as she lets out a sigh, a soft smile on her face. “I’m surprised the town hasn’t thrown a damn parade when they heard you’d be here…my god” she sighs out, practically in awe with your very appearance.
“Come on back, I’m just finishing some paperwork before I close” she nods her head to the back where she was moments ago, which you quickly follow her as she guides you.
Her garage is empty except for her, most likely working overtime after her employees had gone home, which was very much like Ellie. The walls are covered with the same posters of the bands you knew Ellie loved, as well as a healthy collection of vintage car photos, which isn’t a shock at all since those were always the center of Ellie’s car obsession.
The place seems nice and worn in, it suits Ellie in the best way.
Your thoughts are interrupted when you hear her let out a soft hum. She’s leaned up against her work table, wiping her hands off further with her red rag before she tosses it over her shoulder, crossing her toned arms across her chest as she eyes you fondly, a soft smile on her face.
“You haven’t changed one bit…” she hums out, eyes trailing on your face as she keeps that fine smile on hers. It makes you feel shy, the same way you felt all those years ago when your feelings for Ellie really started to shine through, and every little thing she’d say would have you giggling like an idiot.
You roll your eyes, biting back a smile as your top teeth sink into your bottom lip, shrugging as you move your hands up to loosely rest on your own arms.
“Please…the city has practically chewed me up and spit me out…I’m surprised I don’t have wrinkles yet” you huff softly, bringing your hand up to your forehead to make sure you weren’t frowning again, a habit you’d picked up recently.
Getting cheated on made you far too miserable.
She chuckles, shaking her head as her pink tongue darts out to lick her lips, still soaking you in like she would the sun.
“Nah…a face like that? Not even the city could ruin” she adds, giving you a small wink.
It warms you heart up in the best of ways, finally giving you a moment to stand still and enjoy life without letting the actions of your ex wife consume you. She makes you forget all about it, reminding you of a time where the thought of getting cheated on, didn’t even cross your mind.
You two stand there for a moment, seemingly taking each other in, enjoying the moment. It’s clear that she’s flirting, and it feels so similar to the days of your old life. It feels like the times where you and Ellie would spend hours talking outside your house or hers, when you’d shyly smile and giggle at one another when you were unsure of your feelings, when things were fresh.
You can tell Ellie feels it too, because she’s quick to blink a few times in your direction before she clears her throat, smile dropping as she turns around to busy herself with something on her desk.
“How’s that wife of yours? Sorry I couldn’t make it to the wedding…was um….was busy” she mumbles out.
Although her back is facing you, you can practically hear the way her eyebrows furrow and her lips twitch into a frown. It was a subject that you two hadn’t spoken about much. You’d told Ellie about your ex wife when you two first started dating, and you told her about the engagement and the wedding you’d been planning, because before anything else, Ellie was your friend, and you two shared everything with each other.
But you couldn’t ignore the almost nauseating weight that settled in when you spoke to her about it. The way she tried to seem as happy for you as she could without letting underlying feelings bubble up to the surface.
You could sense that same weight now, as she asked you about the woman that broke your heart.
It rips you away from the little fantasy you’d been given with Ellie, reminding you of the dark reality of why you’d returned, and what it was that had forced you out of the city and back to your home town. Thinking about telling Ellie about what happened and actually doing it were two very different things, and the seconds of silence that passed between you began to turn into minutes, minutes where you silently begged to disappear into thin air instead of admitting to Ellie what it was that happened.
“Um…she…” you stuttered out, struggling for a moment before your eyes fluttered shut, and you took a deep inhale, grounding yourself before you finally spoke once more.
“We got divorced.” You finally manage to get out, your balled up fists finally relaxing down at your sides as your shoulders deflate, the weight of your situation finally releasing itself from your body as you admitted it to her.
You see her still for a moment, movements halting completely as she struggles to comprehend what it was that you’d said, what it was that she was hearing.
Hearing about your girlfriend was a jab to the chest, but it wasn’t like she didn’t see it coming. Plus, it’s just a girlfriend! And you were all the way in the city anyways, who was Ellie to be jealous of that? Hearing about your engagement was also fairly hard, it wasn’t like she spent countless nights at the bar drowning out her sorrows over the one that got away. Seeing your actual wedding invitation though? Man, that was fucking hard. Ellie isn’t entirely sure how she got through that part. Ignoring it was the easiest way how.
Ellie would spend night after night wishing on a single star that you’d get divorced from that woman, knowing deep down she wasn’t the right one for you. Call it a gut feeling or call it jealousy, whatever it was, there was a constant lingering feeling that Ellie had ever since you’d gotten married that left a bitter taste in her mouth, one that she felt wouldn’t end well with that girl.
And now you’re here, standing in the middle of her old car shop, telling her that you were in fact divorced, and one of the countless stars in the sky has listened to her.
But she can’t move. She’s frozen in place as she eyes the papers on her desk, that now have no purpose to her since the only thing she can focus on is your words. It makes you nervous, and you take it was an opportunity to clear your throat, wanting desperately to cut the silence in half.
“Your dad told me you owned this place now…so I thought I’d visit…” you mumble out awkwardly, struggling to find the words to say to Ellie as she simply stood there, back turned to you for what felt like an eternity.
She inhales deeply, finally turning around to face you. You weren’t entirely sure what you expected her expression to read, but you’re surprised to see that she’s frowning, a soft sigh leaving her lips as she leans her palms back on her desk, shaking her head a she eyes you.
“Always knew those city girls were no good…I’m sorry sweetheart” she sighs out genuinely. You give her a shrug, shaking your head as you send a half smile her way.
“I’m just glad it happened sooner than later…saying I have an ex wife is cool though” you snort out, which earns a chuckle from Ellie as she nods in agreement.
“Very cool…makes you sound all grown up” she winks at you before she nods her head at you. “You still staying at your old place? Or did you find somethin’ in town” she hums out, clearly trying to change the subject for your own comfort.
And hers….
You hum softly as you nod, gesturing off to the direction of your home. “Yup…my parents treat the place like it’s a vacation home…I was practically taking it off their hands” you sigh out in fake annoyance, which makes Ellie laugh softly as she nods.
“Man…haven’t seen those two in a couple of years. You’d think they’re on their honeymoon” she adds, making you giggle as well.
The summer breeze blows swiftly against your body, your hair blowing with it, fallen blossoms from the apple trees in town dancing along your feet. It doesn’t help that you’re dressed in the same pair of denim shorts Ellie used to love so much, looking all too familiar to the girl of her passed, yet so different at the same time.
She stares at you shamelessly, smiling fondly as she simply takes you in.
You furrow your eyebrows, biting back a smile as you eye her closely. “What are you staring at, Williams?” You ask her, clearly teasing the girl as she gives you a shrug, biting down on her bottom lip as she gives you a smile.
“You expect me to not stare when a pretty girl is stood in my shop? What do you take me for” she shoots out far too smoothly, making you roll your eyes. You shoo your hand at her, turning around to make your way back to your car, knowing that if you stay any longer, you’ll probably end up getting charmed by Ellie all over again.
As if she hadn’t already done that the moment you laid eyes on her.
“I’m freshly divorced missy…not exactly the top choice at the market” you scold her jokingly, giving her a small wave as you walk out onto the curb, making your way back to your car.
“Just wanted to stop by and say hello…don’t wanna keep you any longer” you hum out, giving the girl a small smile as your hand reaches for the handle of your car.
Ellie is moving before she can think, eyes widening as she quickly follows you out to your car, her larger hand gently resting over your own as she moves to pull your car door open for you.
“My um…my number hasn’t changed…if you still have it and you wanted to talk…or hang out or something…” she mumbles out shyly. For a moment, you see her drop the smooth, suave demeanor she had mere moments ago, saying all the right things and strumming all the right chords. For a moment, she’s Ellie. She’s the Ellie that stuttered and struggled to get the words out when she asked you out the first time, or asked you to be her girlfriend.
She’s the Ellie that you make nervous.
“Do you…have my number still?” She asks nervously, worried she’d been reading into this all wrong. It makes you giggle, nodding as you lean your back against your car, staring up at the girl before you speak.
“Of course I have your number, Ellie…wouldn’t lose it for the world” you hum out as you give her a soft smile, which has her eyes twinkling as she gives you a small smile.
“Good…” she managed out as she watches you get into your car.
She hums as she leans down, pressing her arms against the edge of your window, looking into your car before she looks at you. You feel your insides burning at how fucking close she is at that.
“A buddy of mine s’got a gig down at the Copper Cat this Saturday…if you wanted to come out” she casually invites you, eyeing you closely to try and gauge your response to it.
Your eyes widen a bit at the mention of the old bar, memories swirling into your head like a hurricane. “The Copper Cat?? That place is still opened??” You practically shriek in shock of the old bar still being up and running. Your response makes Ellie chuckle as she nods.
“Yup…and it’s better than ever too. They remodeled last summer” she explains, you don’t miss the proud smile on her face as she practically beams at you. You giggle softly as you nod slowly before you hum, looking down at your lap for a moment as you thought about it a bit. Your ex girlfriend was inviting you to some mediocre show at an even more mediocre bar in the small corner of your town, and you were newly divorced…
What could go wrong with that
You smile up at her before giving her a nod. “Text me and let me know what time you’ll be there” you give her a nod, confirming that you’ll come. You can see the see the way her eyes practically twinkle at that, nodding eagerly as she smiles.
“I’ll pick you up” she quickly replied, leaving no room for you to decline, because she’d already pushing herself up and off of your window, giving you a bright smile as she nods her head in the direction of the main road.
“Go on…before I keep you here even longer than I’m supposed to” she gives you a wink, which sends your heart until a flurry of emotions, sparking it all up all over again before you roll your eyes playfully, and drive off after giving her a small wave goodbye, her smile seemingly seared into the forefront of your brain as you grinned like an idiot while making your way back home.
God…were you fucked.
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This wasn’t a date.
This was simply two old friends catching up after a long time! Ellie had asked you to come out because she probably felt bad for you. She could probably see the tears stained into your cheeks and the absolute trail of sadness that followed you around and thought, ‘this girl could use a night out’, so she invited you.
This wasn’t a date.
It was a pity invite! A date would have been some place nice. Ellie was romantic, you knew that. She’d treated you better in your puppy love relationship than most girls did while you were in the city, so of course suggesting to go to the bar was keeping it friendly.
This wasn’t a date.
It wasn’t a date. It was just you going out to a bar because you’re single now and you can do what you want without feeling guilty or wrong for doing fun things. That’s all. It wasn’t a date at all.
But if it wasn’t a date…why were you so fucking nervous.
You visited Ellie at her shop on Monday, you weren’t set to see her again until Friday night, so why was it the only thing you could think of? You could only think of what to wear, how to act, if you should text her or not, would that be pushy? Would that be overstepping? She told you her number hadn’t changed! So obviously that meant she wanted you to text her….right?
Right?
God, who knew at this point. All you knew, was that you were set to see Ellie this weekend. Regardless of it being a date or not, it was nerve wracking. So when Friday afternoon finally rolls around, you find yourself partaking in things that are a steering a bit too close to pre date activities.
Such as making sure your entire body was nice and moisturized, but that was just for you! That wasn’t for Ellie to touch or squeeze…or making sure your hair was cleaned and styled, that’s just because you want to be presentable! You can’t let the people of your town see the mess your ex wife made. Or doing your makeup and picking out the perfect outfit. That was simply because…you wanted to! Nothing more, nothing less.
You settled on a simple yellow sundress with pink flowers, it hugs your middle perfectly and flows down to your calves, making it just enough to look like you put a bit of effort into your appearance. It almost felt like a breath of fresh air to haul on any old pair of shorts or a nice dress to go out, something the city rarely allowed. The city was too into appearances, everyone needing to wear the best clothes and the trendiest styles when setting foot outside, especially on a night out. It was fun, but it became exhausting after a while, all you wanted to do was to wear your comfy clothes without getting nasty looks.
The beauty of living in a small town.
When you’re finally ready, you catch a quick look at yourself in the mirror, more than happy with your overall appearance before you take a deep breath, and send Ellie a text.
Hii :)
I’m all ready whenever you wanna come by
It doesn’t take more than a few seconds for Ellie to read and respond to your messages.
Awesome :)
I’m omw
You smile softly at her messages, heart beating a bit faster at the thought of her coming over as you click your phone shut, and move to sit in your living room to wait for the girl to arrive.
It’s almost comedic how quickly you move to sit on your couch, knee bouncing anxiously as you wait for the girl to pull up to your house. Sitting there gives you too much time to think, too. Because what if this is a bad idea, what if you’re just blinded by the manic excitement that comes with seeing Ellie again, the thrill of being with her, because you’re still very much heart broken, and it isn’t like everything will simply disappear once she’s-
And suddenly you can’t think anymore, because all you can hear is a firm knock at your front door, echoing through your house.
It catches the air in your lungs and practically runs with it, leaving you panicking as your eyes flutter between the front door and the clock, and you realize it’s been about fifteen minutes since Ellie’s texted you, and you’d just been sitting on your couch overthinking as always.
Your feet seem to have a mind of their own as they carry you to your front door, moving to open it before you can even come to terms with opening up for it.
And if you think Ellie looked good when you saw her at her shop? God…you didn’t know what good looked like until now.
The white t shirt she wears hugs her body beautifully, covered by an old leather jacket that fits her even better. Her toned thighs are clad in what you can only assume to be expensive blue denim jeans, simply by how perfectly they fit her. It’s all covered with a fucking cherry on top when you take in her black boots, and a singular silver necklace dangling from her neck.
You’re sure she’ll notice your heart beating out of your chest any second now.
She’s smiling brightly when she takes you in, eyes raking down your form before she chuckles. “Look at you…could almost pass for one of us small town folk in that one..” she hums out, nodding in approval at your laid back outfit.
It makes you roll your eyes, landing a playful nudge to the girls arm as you adjust your bag further on your shoulder. “Please…I dressed like this even when I lived out there” you try to defend yourself, giving her a small frown before you nod your head out to her car.
“Should we get going? Wouldn’t wanna miss the main act” you hum, wanting to get out of your house desperately.
Half of the reason being because you seriously needed to get out of your house and socialize with people that weren’t your mother’s porcelain figurines….
And the other half being you simply couldn’t handle the close proximity of someone as good looking as Ellie much longer.
She hums softly as she nods, stepping to the side and she gives you a bit of space to walk out of your house. “After you, city girl” she teases you once again, earning yet another look of warning from your end, which she simply giggles at.
You can’t contain the gasp you let out when you finally lay eyes on Ellie’s ride. The vintage black mustang practically sparkles in the low light of the afternoon sun. You can’t help yourself from reaching out and running your fingers along the shiny body of the car.
“Jesus Christ Ellie….if I knew you’d pick me up in this, I would’ve dressed nicer” you practically gasp out. Ellie chuckles softly as she watches your reaction closely, nodding slowly as she looks at the car with you.
“Hey…city girl comes to town? I need to pull all the stops” she explains with a nonchalant shrug. It makes you groan in annoyance, because did Ellie truly have to be this perfect? Couldn’t she have grown up to be a moron like your ex wife?
Why did she have to be something out of a fucking romance novel.
You’re too in awe with the vehicle to acknowledge her remark, a soft, dreamy sigh leaving your lips as you bend down a bit to look at the cream colored leather interior. “You fix this up yourself?” You hum out softly, although you already knew the answer to that question, you wanted to hear her gloat about it.
You can practically hear the cocky grin on the girls face as she nods. “Is the sky blue? Come on angel…you know nobody does it like me” she grins out, moving to stand behind you.
“Longer you stare at her, less time you have in her…” she practically purrs out. You have to ignore the way your stomach does flips at her tone, nodding eagerly as you rush to the other side of the car, to which Ellie quickly beats you to it.
“Nu-uh-uh…a lady never opens her own door, especially a city-“ you press your hand to her mouth, silencing her from finishing her sentence as you give her a displeased look.
“Finish that sentence and I’m going back inside” you deadpan, which makes Ellie quickly nod as she gives you wide eyes, opening the door for you in silence. You giggle softly, patting her cheek gently before you get into her car. “Much better” you praise her.
She chuckles softly, waiting for you to get in before she rushes to her side to get in and start driving as well.
The familiar bar hasn’t changed at all since you’d last been there. It’s almost scary how much everything’s frozen in time in the small town, leaving little to no room for changes. It makes you sigh softly, a gentle smile on your lips as Ellie pulls into the parking lot.
“Man….this place really never changes, huh?” You sigh out almost in awe, which makes Ellie chuckle as she shuts the car off.
“What can I say….Our town prioritizes tradition” she teases before she looks over at you, giving you a soft smile before nodding her head towards the building. “Come on, my buddy should be up any moment now” she urges gently before she gets out of the car, prompting you to follow when she opens up the door for you.
Inside, the place is buzzing. Filled to the brim with the people of your town, young and old, all of them eager for a night of fun after a long week of work. The atmosphere differs greatly from what you’re used to, the clubs and bars back in the city always having a strange vibe to them, one that you couldn’t ever really put your finger on.
Being there, with the people that had been born and raised in the same town as you, you were finally able to remember what it was that was missing in the city…
It was that the people here, were actually having fun.
“I’m gonna grab a drink, you want one?” Ellie leans down next to you, her voice raising a bit to combat the loud music that was already playing. You hum softly, trying your best to ignore the way her scent fills your knows and almost makes you feel drunk. You merely give her a nod and a soft smile before leaning in to speak into her ear as well. “A rum and coke if that’s okay!” You shout out to her, which earns a smile and a nod. She gives your arm a gentle squeeze, “find us a spot, I’ll find you when I have them” she urges before disappearing off into the sea of people to find the bar.
You let out a breath you’d seemingly held from the moment Ellie picked you up from your house, exhaling loudly as you look around at the packed room. There are various booths and stools available to sit, but you opt to lean up against a nearby wall, mainly because you seriously needed a time out from the amount of people there.
You truly didn’t expect for so many people to be there, thinking that it would be a barely packed house with a few of Ellie’s friends there to watch the mystery person she’d been boasting to you about. You couldn’t tell if everyone was there to see the performance, or if they were there simply to socialize and drink. You figured it was a mix of both.
Quite a bit of time passes by, and it makes you wonder if Ellie got lost or was having trouble finding you or something. You knew it was stupid to stand on the wall, so you figure you’d search for her instead.
Pushing yourself off the wall and emerging into the sea of people makes you frown, apologizing and squeezing through various people, trying your best to map out where the bar should be. You feel you can just make out the flooded area, when you finally spot Ellie.
And the girl that’s been keeping her from you.
You can see Ellie holding your drink in her hand, and one you can assume is for herself as the girl chats her up. You can barely make out who Ellie is speaking to, but from the back? You can tell she’s a looker. Her pretty hair falling down her back, attractive figure, even the way she leans in and presses her hand against Ellie’s arm whenever she laughs makes it clear that this girl is pretty, because all pretty girls know how to flirt in just the best ways possible.
And it’s the strangest fucking feeling, because even thought you caught your ex wife fucking another woman in the bed you both shared, what you feel when you see another girl touching Ellie’s arm doesn’t come close to anything you’ve ever felt before.
Because you’ve never had to see this. You’ve never had to see someone else throw themselves at Ellie. When you were dating, everyone knew that you were hers and she was yours, and even before you two were dating, everyone assumed you were both off limits anyways. It was something that you never had to face, because in the entire time that you’d known Ellie, she was yours.
But now she wasn’t. And it was clear that everyone knew that.
It makes you want to turn around and go home, ignore the ugly feeling in the pit of your stomach, call a cab and hide in your house for another month. You weren’t ready for this, these feelings that you were faced with were too much, and too fucking confusing. You wanted your bed, and your room, and your house where you were safe and no one and nothing could hurt you, you just needed to turn around and-
“Awe, there she is. Over here!” Ellie’s voice calls out over the loud music, cutting each and every one of your loud, annoying thoughts in half. Your eyes widen a bit when the girl finally turns around, only confirming the point that you had come to earlier. If anything, she puts all of that to shame, because she’s even more beautiful than you could have ever imagined.
You don’t recognize her, but she’s smiling brightly and waving you over as if she recognizes you, beckoning you over as if you’d all been friends since you were babies. You have to stop yourself from frowning, knowing both this girl and Ellie owed you nothing. You put on a smile, inhaling deeply and making your way over to the both of them.
“Sorry I took so long, I couldn’t find you anywhere” Ellie quickly apologizes as she hands you your drink. You quickly shake your head, clearing the lump that had formed in your throat before you give her a small smile.
“Uh…no worries. I was in an awkward spot anyways, so that’s my fault” you assure her.
She can tell something’s wrong just in the way you’re speaking, and it makes her eye you closely, trying to gauge your expression, eager to figure out what’s made the sudden change in your mood. It makes her frown slightly, eyebrows furrowed as she peers down to watch you before she leans in a bit. “You okay?” She questions softly, her hand coming up to squeeze your arm gently.
The tone of her voice and the hand on your arm makes you want to explode. It makes your head spin and it makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs, because Ellie does not owe you anything! She isn’t your girlfriend, and this is simply two friends catching up after not seeing each other for a long time, and it was absolutely doing your head in that she was speaking to you like that wasn’t the case.
So you give her a smile, nodding quickly as you shake her hand off of your arm. “I’m fine, just a bit flustered with the crowd…um…is this your friend?” You as gently as you gesture towards the girl that was politely standing there as you and Ellie had a moment, not daring to intervene as she quietly sipped on her drink and people watched, as to not make things even more awkward than they already were.
Ellie’s frown deepens when you shake her grasp off, eyeing the way her hand falls from your arm. It leaves a bitter taste on her tongue, not used to this far off, separated feeling that’s settled between the two of you. She wants to dwell on it further, but your question makes her blink out of her confused daze, looking over at the girl standing in front of her.
“Fuck…right, yes. This is Lilac, she moved into town a few years ago” Ellie explains.
Great, even her fucking name was beautiful.
You’re met with the prettiest pair of eyes when Ellie says her name, the girl smiling brightly as she hears Ellie introduce her.
“Ahh no need to be formal, darlin’. Ellie has told me so much about you” she practically squeals out.
You’re a bit taken aback when instead of shaking your hand, she tugs you in for a hug, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you close, nearly making you spin your drink. Your eyes widen, using your free arm to wrap around her shoulders and hug her back. You catch Ellie chuckling softly as she brings her drink to her lips, trying to hide her smirk.
Lilac pulls away, pretty glossy lips pulled into a smile as she eyes you, a gentle sigh leaving your lips as she takes you in. “I was wondering when I’d get to meet you…I promise you, I’d hear at least half the town going on and on about you the first month of living here” she giggles out. You smile softly as you nod, taking a sip of your drink before you shrug.
“Sorry about that…I’ve been hiding I guess” you mumble out sheepishly, lips ghosting over the rim of your cup as you desperately try to take in as much of your drink as you could without slugging it down like an animal.
There was no way you’d be getting through this night sober.
Ellie watches as the two of you interact, smiling softly as she takes a sip of her own drink ever so often before she intervenes.
“Lilac works on the daily paper….came in and made it all fancy for us” Ellie chimes in. Her words make Lilac giggle softly, leaning in and pressing her hand against Ellie’s arm, giving her a gentle push.
You try your best to ignore how much that fucking annoys you.
“Oh please. All I did was order in some new printing paper and add pretty fonts. Don’t let her fool you” she chirps, leaning into you with raised eyebrows as she gives you a giggle. You don’t even have time to respond to her before she’s asking you another question.
“I hear you’re from the city…I’ve dreamed of being there all my life, can’t imagine what would bring someone back to a little town like this” she sighs out almost dreamily.
Although there’s no malice or blunt force to her words, you can’t help but take it that way. It’s clear she’s simply making conversation, trying to get to know you better. Maybe it’s the liquor slowly but surely making its way through your system, making you feel looser, making your tongue looser.
“Wasn’t really my plan” you make out, eyes drifting elsewhere as you bring your cup back to your lips.
God….you just wanted to go home.
She doesn’t quite catch the bitter tone in your words, because soon enough there’s an announcement echoing through the bar, and you know it’s time for that friend that Ellie had mentioned earlier to get on stage and perform.
Lilac squeals excitedly, jumping up and down as her hand grips Ellie’s arm, the girl clearly over the moon for whoever it was that was performing.
Great….she knew the guy too?
You have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes, the foreign feeling of jealousy tapping on your shoulder, reminding you of all those intense feelings you’d once had for Ellie. Bringing your cup to your lips to occupy yourself makes you realize the drink was done, making you groan softly.
Your eyes drift over to Ellie and Lilac, both of them enamored with the man that was beginning his on stage. It makes you sigh softly before you lean into them, shouting over the loud music.
“I’m gonna get another drink, you guys want anything?” You barely make out over the loud guitar riff, the both of them denying before they brought their attention back to the musician. With that, you swiftly make your way through the crowd over to the bar.
The second you’re pressed up against the bar, it feels like you can breathe again. Your cheeks felt hot, your chest felt hot, hell, your entire fucking body felt hot. And the worst part of it all, is you could barely decipher the feelings that were plaguing your mind and body.
You sighed softly as you thanked the sweet bartender for the drink. There was enough space at the bar for you to turn around and gaze at the crowd, eyes drifting along the sea of people as you simply sipped on your drink, trying your best to regroup after the entire situation with Lilac.
Because it was weird. All of it was so fucking strange and it was doing your head in. The feeling that sank to the bottom of your stomach when you first laid eyes on them was one you couldn’t recognize. It was rare that you ever felt jealousy in your last relationship, which was honestly something that made you feel quite secure in your marriage. Your wife never truly gave you any reasons to feel that way, her attention always on you, never failing to make you feel like the only girl in the room. Thinking back to all of it, the way your marriage ended was almost comedic.
So seeing Ellie, your ex girlfriend of almost five years, and Lilac, one of the most beautiful girls you’d ever laid eyes on, simply laughing and touching one another as friends do? It made you want to rip the entire building you stood in, brick, by brick.
The thoughts alone make you frown, a gentle sigh leaving your lips as you stare down into the fizzy cup of ice, alcohol and soda in your hand. You felt…so conflicted, so wrong for allowing these feelings to fill you up and make you feel so intensely about someone who didn’t even feel that way about you anymore, and did you even feel that way about her anymore? It was just Ellie. She was your best friend before anything else, so what if she flirts with a pretty girl! You’d be stupid to think she didn’t have other people in her life after you left. What? Did you think she’d simply sit around waiting for you-
But when you finally lift your eyes up to scan the crowd again, what you find brings all of those thoughts to a halt once again.
Because now you’re seeing Ellie’s hand placed on Lilac’s middle, leaning in as the pretty girls lips ghosted along Ellie’s ear, giggling as she whispered unknown words to her.
And that’s when you realized, you couldn’t do this.
You quickly down the rest of your drink, shoving your hand into your purse and grabbing a fistful of money, sliding it over to the bartender and telling him to keep the change in a low voice. You pass the glass over to him, and begin making your way out of the sea of people in the dimly lit room.
You were stupid to think this was a good idea. Your emotions were so scattered, so messy and cluttered in your head. You were going through a fucking divorce, and now you were getting angry over the mere thought of your ex girlfriend standing next to another girl, let alone going further than that. You needed to get your shit together, and if that meant cutting newly mended ties with Ellie, then so fucking be it.
And it’s as if the once crowded bar isn’t able to cover your escape, because you can faintly make out the sound of someone calling for you. You cross your fingers, and hope that it’s someone from high school that just so happens to be there, recognizing you and trying to get a moment with you before you’re able to pounce out of the building.
But unfortunately for you, it’s not. You keep going anyways, hoping that Ellie will drop it or get caught up with someone or something else along the way of her high speed chase for you, but of course, she doesn’t.
You let out a loud sigh when you finally push past the heavy metal doors of the bar, the cool summer breeze wafting against your clammy skin, cooling down your warm cheeks. You hadn’t even realized it before, but you were practically covered in sweat from all the excitement that had washed over you in such a short amount of time.
Ellie is quick to wrap a gentle hand around your wrist, stopping you from running further.
“Hey…where you runnin’ off to? Shows barely even started” she pants out, her own cheeks flushed from pushing and shoving through people to get to you.
The ugly little monster that is jealousy dies immediately when you turn around to look at her. Partially because you know you need to quickly make up an appropriate excuse to your sudden departure, because surely you couldn’t tell her the true reason behind your disappearance…
And also because just looking at Ellie makes you feel whole again.
You let out a gentle sigh before giving her a half smile. “I’m uh…I’m pretty tired and I feel a tad drunk. You and Lilac looked like you were having fun so I didn’t wanna bother…” you explain, ignoring the way the sweet girls name leaves a rather bitter taste on your tongue.
Ellie nods, her expression gentle and understanding as she fishes her keys out of her pocket. “You should’ve told me. Come on, let’s get you home” she affirms with a soft smile, nodding her head towards her car as she begins leading you over.
Her words make you quickly shake your head, stepping in front of her to stop her from getting closer to her car.
“No! No Ellie it’s fine. You were really excited to come tonight and I don’t wanna stop you from having fun so just go back in and-“ you’re rambling at this point, a common habit you’d developed since you could speak. Ellie knew this, because every time you were flustered, or scared, or even happy, your emotions would get the best of you and you’d spew out words like a sprinkler.
So she chuckles softly, bringing her hand up to your arm and giving it a gentle squeeze as if to stop you.
“Slow down, peach” she hums out smoothly. The pet name makes your insides burn, her voice sounding like fucking butter as she soothes you, instantly calming you down and shutting you up just as she wanted.
“There you go…breath” she gives you an encoring nod, paired with another firm squeeze to your arm before she finally lets go, giving you a soft smile before she speaks again.
“I was excited to come out with you tonight. I see that guy perform every Friday” she explains with a soft laugh before she nods her head to her car once again.
“So, let’s get you home and in bed. Your parents would kill me if I let you roam around at night….even though your house is and ten minute walk from here” she shrugs before she presses her hand to the small of your back, leading you to her car without a choice.
It makes you whine softly, throwing your head back like a child as she opens up your door and helps you into the car. You aren’t even that drunk, a bit warm and tipsy, sure, but you were fine to make it home on your own.
However…her warm hand on your skin, paired with the babying, was nice.
Damn her for being so fucking perfect.
A soft huff blows past your pouted lips as she settles into the drivers seat next to you, which makes her snicker as she starts the car. “Quit pouting…it was getting too crowded in there anyways, was gonna suggest we head out right before you tried to ditch me” she shrugs nonchalantly, which earns a playful swat to her arm from your end.
“I was not ditching you! I really am tired” you protest, which only makes Ellie chuckle as she puts her hands up in her defense before she expertly pulls out of the parking lot, one hand on the steering wheel of course.
“Uh-huh….lets get you home then” she affirms as she gives you a wink before she makes her way to your house.
The summer breeze is cool against your skin, the windows down on Ellie’s car, soft music playing through it as you two simply enjoy the comfortable silence that falls between you both. It reminds you of the parties Ellie would drive you both home from, only for her to sneak up to your room with you and pass out in your bed, cuddled up into each other. Sneaking was a stretch, as your parents always knew she’d be spending the night when you two were out late.
The memories make the heart ache, and your throat swell, that familiar melancholy feeling filling you up at the reflection of the past staring at you in a pool of your memories.
You barely realize you’ve pulled in, the gentle hum of the car coming to a stop as Ellie lets her palms fall to her thighs, a gentle sigh leaving her lips as she stares up at your dark home, nothing but the porch light on to greet guests.
“Well…I hope you had fun tonight, peach…” she hums out softly when she finally turns to you, gentle green eyes shining in the dim lighting of her car, barely illuminated by the light beaming down from the moon in the clear night sky.
And you know you shouldn’t do it. You should just thank her for the night out, wish her a good night and go inside your house. You were tipsy, and you were extremely emotional, and you were lonely. All of it was a recipe for disaster, and you knew it.
But somehow, you don’t stop the words that fall from your lips.
“Do you wanna come inside?” You ask quickly, watching as the girls eyebrows raise in surprise at your sudden burst of hospitality. You inhale deeply before you continue.
“It’s late and…the least I could do is give you something to eat, or drink after making us leave early” you explain further, your hand gripping the edge of Ellie’s leather car seat as you stare at her.
When she doesn’t say anything, you feel like an idiot. She’s just staring at you and you suddenly feel like you’ve read into this all wrong, it’s been years! Why on earth would she want to come inside and hang out with her ex girlfriend, she probably has much better things to do.
“I’d love to” she beams out, giving you a bright smile before she opens her car door, gets out, and makes her way over to open yours to let you out.
You can practically feel the weight lift off of your chest when she agrees, a soft sigh of relief leaving your lips as you lead her to your front door, making your way up the steps and unlocking it before letting her in.
Ellie hums softly when you turn on the lights, eyes wandering around the familiar home as you toss your purse onto a nearby hanger, as well as kicking your shoes off near the front door.
She hangs her jacket up on the coat rack near the door like muscle memory right after she shuts the front door behind her, a soft smile on her lips as she watches you make your way to the kitchen and open up your fridge.
“I have water, iced tea, lemonade….” You list off the various contents in your fridge before you look over at the girl behind you, watching as she stands in the middle of your living room. “Water is fine” she hums out with a smile, which you nod and grab for her.
Your home is like a breath of fresh air compared to where you and Ellie where not even an hour ago, the two of you quickly falling into old habits as it takes no more than ten minutes for the two of you to make your way out to your back porch, taking a seat on the comfy outdoor couches your father had added in right before you moved out.
Another guttural laugh passes through your lips as you toss your head back, listening to Ellie catch you up on all the small town mishaps and shenanigans that you had missed, and yearned for oh so much since you'd gone.
"Are you kidding me? They fought over a decade old prom crown? I would have paid big money to see that shit" You gasp out, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye as you finally manage to catch your breath.
Ellie chuckles as she nods, bringing her water to her lips before she shrugs. "I'll tell you one thing, I had no idea those old ladies could move like that" She adds with a snort, ripping another burst of laughs from your sore chest.
You don't catch it, but Ellie simply watches you fondly as you toss your head back and laugh, a gentle smile playing on her lips as you struggle to find the words. It warms her heart even further to know that she was the one pulling that out of you, making you smile so big, laugh so hard.
You groan softly, exhaling tiredly as you place a hand on your chest as if to calm yourself. "Man....I seriously cannot remember the last time I've laughed this hard" You add, a soft, satisfied smile on your lips, unaware as to how sad your words may have sounded.
It hits you when you notice Ellie's gentle frown, the one that she gave whenever she was disappointed or when she knew something wasn't right.
"That's a shame...you used to laugh all the time when you were with me" She says matter-of-factly.
Her words catch you off guard, mostly because it was true. Being with Ellie was filled with nothing but smiles and laughs, the ones that had you keeling over and holding onto your belly as you shed a tear or two, unable to control the laughter that left your body, the happiness that filled you up when she was able to pull it out of you.
You hadn't even realized it, but you were pretty sure the last time you laughed like that, was with Ellie.
You hum softly, staring down at your lap as you toy with the frills of your dress, thinking back to all of those times, wishing so badly you could be that girl again.
Wishing you could live that life again.
It's getting late at this point, the warm summer breeze growing colder the higher the moon rises into the sky. It blows onto your skin, goosebumps littering your arms. You feel it's time to tell Ellie to leave, the air growing heavy as you both sit there in silence, her words hanging between you, begging to be responded to.
When you open your mouth to tell her that you're tired, and that she should probably head home, you're interrupted by the feeling of her calloused fingers gently gripping your chin, pulling you to look into her eyes.
"I....I don't know what happened...or why you two decided to split up..." she mumbles softly, and you know she's referring to your ex wife without even saying her name.
She inhales deeply, pink tongue darting out to wet her plump lips slowly before she speaks again. "But I couldn't imagine ever letting someone like you go....no matter what" she sighs out, her eyes staring into yours intensely.
And suddenly, you aren't you anymore. You are, but....you're a different you. You're the you that's filled with hopes and dreams, the you that wrote in her diary every night about everything she was going to do once she made it, the you that would peek her head out of her window to see her girlfriend standing out on her lawn, waiting to pick her up, take her out, and simply drive with the music on and the windows down, enjoying each others company.
You're the you, that's in love with Ellie.
Her green eyes sparkle like gems in the moonlight, the white light illuminating half of her pretty face, making a lump form in your throat as you struggle to find the words to say. You can feel her hand gently creep up to cup your face, and it makes your skin burn even hotter beneath her touch.
The familiar sound of the wind chimes rings through your ear, transporting you back to that very same night, five years ago when you were splayed out on the lawn that was a mere few feet away from you, kissing and loving on your girlfriend that you adored with all your heart.
Ellie hears them too, her eyes glancing up at them above your head. She chuckles softly, hand still caressing your cheek gently before she speaks. "Haven't heard those since the last time I saw you..." She hums out.
With that, it's as if your body moves itself for you, deciding your faith before you can, because you waste no time in leaning in and pressing your lips to hers in a kiss that can only be described as longing, having gone far too long without feeling the pair that they so desperately wanted pressed up against.
Ellie melts into you almost immediately, her other hand coming up to cup your cheek as she kisses you back passionately. Both of your hands come up to hold onto either of her wrists, keeping her close as you lean further into her, wanting more of the girl.
You need her more than air, easily letting her grip your thighs and tug you down to straddle her lap, your hands going up to tangle themselves in her soft hair. When she finally does break the kiss, her lips are on your neck, and your jaw, and your cheeks, and the corner of your mouth, eager to feel any part of you on her needy mouth as her hands roam your body eagerly.
"Missed you so fuckin' much...my dream girl" She moans out, making you whimper as you tug her hair back, angling her face back up towards yours before smashing your lips against hers.
"Let's....let's go inside...." You moan into her mouth, the kiss messy and sloppy as she nods eagerly before the request has even fully escaped your lips.
You waste no time crawling off her lap and tugging her inside, the two of you giggling and moaning as you stumble over your own feet in a dance of need and desperation, the both of you clearly in need of one another.
Ellie is tugging off her shirt as you two make your way through the door, helping you tug off your dress as she stumbles out of her jeans quickly after.
A pile of clothes leads the both of you to your bed, the girl laying you down and crawling over you, strong hands caressing your soft body, tugging at your bra and your panties, mouthing away at your newly exposed skin.
"You don't know how many times I've thought about this...thought about you like this" she admits, needy hands gripping at your waist, pulling you flush against her half naked body as she kisses up to your lips again, slowly pushing her tongue into your mouth as she groans against you, strong hands massaging your skin, kneading it between her fingers.
You moan into her, nodding eagerly as your hands tug her closer, wanting her as close to your body as possible.
"I have to..." you admit mindlessly.
You don't realize it then, but it's the first time that you've allowed yourself to admit that to someone, even to yourself. Those were secrets that you're buried down so deep into your mind, you weren't even sure they were true anymore.
Ellie was able to pull them out thought.
"Gonna...fuckin' worship you...like you deserve, baby.." she moans out, her lips pressing against your boobs that were spilling out of your bra, nipping and biting at your exposed skin.
But when she says that, it's like all the lights suddenly turned on.
It all comes weighing down on you in an instant, what happened, what you'd been through. Your wife had cheated on you with another woman, she promised you everything, the world at your feet if you asked for it, yet she still threw it all away as if none of it was real, as if none of it mattered.
Who's to say Ellie wouldn't do the same?
Your body goes limp beneath her, and Ellie catches onto it immediately, frowning gently as she pulls away to see her suspicions were confirmed.
"Baby? Hey...you with me angel?" She calls out as she watches you staring up at the ceiling, your eyes glossing over as if you weren't even there.
Because you weren't, you were back in your bedroom, in your apartment in the city, watching the woman you thought loved you back, fuck another woman into your mattress as if she were you.
You weren't ready for this.
"I...I can't do this.." You mumble out, voice cracking as your throat began swelling up from the tears pooling in your eyes.
Ellie is quick to sit up with you, tugging the blankets on your bed up so that you were able to shield your chest from the cold air that circled your room, her hand coming up to your back as she peered down at you, brushing your hair out of your face.
"Sweetheart, what is it? did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?" she urges, desperately trying her best to understand what happened, what caused the sudden shift in the atmosphere.
You feel sick to your stomach, shaking your head as the tears begin spilling out onto your cheeks, keeping the blanket tugged close to your chest as you brush Ellies hands away from your face.
"I can't...you need to leave...please leave!" you sob out, shaking your head as all the images of your ex wife come flooding in.
Ellie frowns deeply as she watches you push her away, shutting her out and putting those same walls up that she could feel even when you were miles and miles away from her in the city.
She knows she can't get through to you, not now at least. So she simply gets up off your bed, tugs on her t shirt and jeans, goes downstairs and walks out of your house, her heart breaking as she hears your sobs echoing through the house, following her as she left you there.
And as you laid there, crying in your bed once again, ugly images run through your mind,
it isn't the thought of your ex wife cheating on you, that hurts, but its merely a dull blade to your side now that you've felt Ellie again, those feelings coming back the second her lips were on yours.
No...it's the thought of Ellie doing those things. It's the thought of her promising you the world and still throwing it away, even after she put a pretty ring on your finger.
Because love is ruined for you now, and you aren't entirely sure you could trust anyone to give it to you again.
Even Ellie.
2K notes · View notes
fastandcarlos · 16 days
Text
Just A Ski “Inchident” : ̗̀➛ Charles LeClerc
summary: a chaotic trip to the ski slopes was never going to end seamlessly, was it?? ⛷️
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liked by carlossainz55, carmenmmundt and 482,827 others
ynusername: what could possibly go wrong here? ⛷️
31,048 comments
username1: why do I feel like this is gonna end so badly?
charles_leclerc: I’ll be right there to make sure that you’re safe sweetheart 💕
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc you’ll be off and forgetting about me in no time
arthur_leclerc: @/charles_leclerc @/ynusername and if he doesn’t keep you safe I’ll be there to push him down the mountain 😂
username2: omg hope you guys have the best trip ever 🤩
landonorris: I’m betting £20 you come back with a broken bone!
ynusername: @/landonorris pls don’t jinx me like this 😭
username3: pls just stay safe both of you we don’t need any injuries 🤞🏻
carlossainz55: you’re so brave trusting charles to take you skiing!!
username4: I don’t have a good feeling about this 😂
maxverstappen1: next time we’ll have to go on a couples holiday down to the slopes!
ynusername: @/maxverstappen1 I don’t think I’ll be at your level of skiing for quite some time 😂
username5: everyone on that slope better watch out with you two about!!
iamrebeccad: I promise you’ll love it, skiing is the best thing ever once you get the hang of it 🫶🏻
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liked by landonorris, pierregasly and 2,048,462 others
charles_leclerc: back on the slopes doing one of my favourite things in the world 🏔️
204,473 comments
username6: there’s something about charles in ski gear that really speaks to me 🔥
georgerussell63: enjoy your trip, nothing quite like the adrenaline of flying down the slopes ⛷️
username7: is there anything that this man can’t do??
danielricciardo: I’ll laugh now if you come back more broken than yn does
charles_leclerc: @/danielricciardo that’s impossible, you just wait until you see poor yn ski 🥹
username8: poor yn is probably cursing charles out so bad rn!
maxverstappen1: still slightly offended I didn’t get an invite ngl…😂
username9: he looks like he’s in his element ngl
carlossainz55: please come back in piece to try and finish off the end of the season 🙏🏻
charles_leclerc: @/carlossainz55 it’s not me you need to worry about…
username10: I bet he’s one of those show offs that makes it look so much easier than it actually is 🙃
ynusername: I’m still sat here wondering how you ever convinced me to do this 😂
charles_leclerc: @/ynusername by the end of this trip you’ll love skiing, trust me 💞
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liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 573,049 others
ynusername: this weird guy kept following me up the slopes, apparently he says he’s some sort of expert but I’m yet to be convinced 😂🚠
48,201 comments
username11: ngl I wouldn’t mind that view staring at me on a ski lift 🫠
iamrebeccad: you look like you’re doing so well, told you you’d get the hang of it 🤩
username12: he’s an annoying expert at everything he does 😂
pierregasly: don’t believe him yn, trust me, I’ve been skiing with him before!!
username13: I love the relationship that these two have omg
landonorris: you’re so right, he’s a giant weirdo 😂😂
username14: what I would give to be in yn’s shoes rn rather than staring at these photos kicking my heels in bed
username15: at least charles looks like he’s taking care of yn so far 😂
arthur_leclerc: the going up is fine, it’s the going down you’ve got to worry about⛷️
ynusername: @/arthur_leclerc don’t say that 😭
username16: best of all you’re still standing, that’s the main thing!
danielricciardo: how much are you regretting saying yes to this trip out of 10??
ynusername: @/danielricciardo 10/10 what have I signed myself up for!? 💯
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liked by iamrebeccad, arthur_leclerc and 472,927 others
ynusername: it turns out quite a lot can actually go wrong when skiing 😭
61,048 comments
username17: oh yn only you could end up doing something like this 😂
georgerussell63: I’m trying so hard not to love but honestly how do you manage to always end up like this!
ynusername: @/georgerussell63 I told you all I wasn’t built for skiing
username18: sending you so much love and hope the injury isn’t too bad 🤞🏻
charles_leclerc: at least you got to go back and enjoy the hot tub 😉
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc I almost got some peace and quiet until you appeared 😂
username19: please make sure you get plenty of rest and take care of yourself!
maxverstappen1: I don’t even think I want to ask how you managed to do this 🤦🏻‍♂️
username20: I blame charles for this, even if he wasn’t even there!
carmenmmundt: wish I was there to give you the biggest cuddle rn 🫂
alex_albon: and this is why I refuse to take lily skiing every year when she asks!!
username21: oh yn, I’ve never met anyone so clumsy in my life 😬
landonorris: is it broken?? do I get my £20??
ynusername: @/landonorris none of your business 😂😂😂
charles_leclerc: @/landonorris nothing broken so no one is coughing up just yet!
username22: I can just picture charles laughing his head off at this too
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liked by maxverstappen1, danielricciardo and 2,028,574 others
charles_leclerc: just to let you all know yn is back in the cabin and resting well, when I offered to stay and take care of her she told me to go away and that I’d done enough damage 😂😂
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username23: glad to hear yn is on the mend and getting plenty of rest 🥺
iamrebeccad: yes @/ynusername put him in his place 😂💪🏻
username24: bless her, hopefully the injury isn’t anything too nasty
arthur_leclerc: she’s only resting because you’ve finally stopped laughing at her 😂
oscarpiastri: why you’d pick to ski anyway when there’s all that sunshine is crazy to me!?
ynusername: you did enough damage suggesting we go skiing in the first place 🤦🏻‍♀️
charles_leclerc: @/ynusername how was I supposed to know you’d be this bad at it??
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc it’s like you forget how clumsy I am 🙃
username25: looking at that cabin I’d want to be left alone to enjoy it too!!
carlossainz55: yn saying what so many of us have wanted to say for so long 🙌🏻
charles_leclerc: @/carlossainz55 have you forgotten were teammates?? you’re supposed to be on my side!
username26: she’s probably just embarrassed charles to be hurt 😭
danielricciardo: I think I’d much rather be where yn is, it looks so warm and cosy 😍
username27: you two can’t go anywhere without causing chaos 😂😂
maxverstappen1: at least now you can go and show off without having to worry about yn
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liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 582,713 others
ynusername: charles fell on his ass so hard today and I can’t begin to tell you how hard I laughed 🤣🎿
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username28: revenge is the sweetest dish ever!!!
lilymhe: you guys are adorable 🥹
charles_leclerc: I’ll give you that one, I probably deserved it 🤣
ynusername: @/charles_leclerc the best bit is I got in on camera to hold against you forever 🙌🏻
maxverstappen1: @/ynusername I’ll pay you a thousand pounds to send me that video!!!
username29: go on yn! get him back for laughing at you!
carlossainz55: I hope you got right up in his face and laughed too 😂
username30: I swear he’s just as clumsy as you are sometimes 😂😂
iamrebeccad: glad to see you finally smiling again girlie 💕
username31: I can’t get over how messy this whole trip has been for you both 🤦🏻‍♀️
danielricciardo: it’s gonna be a miracle if you both make it home in one piece at this rate…
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liked by arthur_leclerc, ynusername and 2,958,473 others
charles_leclerc: the trip of a lifetime, even if the two of us are returning much more battered and bruised than we were when we arrived 🎿💕
278,500 comments
username32: please hurry up and get home where we know you’ll be safe from injury again 😂
ynusername: definitely a trio of a lifetime and never again!!
charles_leclerc: @/ynusername let’s stick to the beach next year 💞
username33: promise us you’ll never go skiing with yn again charles!!
alex_albon: why you’d decide to throw yourself down on a mountain on skis is beyond me 🙄
username34: I dread to think how broken your bodies are rn…
maxverstappen1: maybe we’ll rethink that couples holiday after all 😂
username35: you guys are definitely built for the sunshine ☀️
danielricciardo: I can’t see yn agreeing to one of your ideas for a while after this
username36: I’m just impressed you’re both still standing at the end of it 😂
landonorris: can’t believe I didn’t win my bet, I’m impressed there aren’t any broken bones!
charles_leclerc: @/landonorris no one is more impressed than me 😂
username37: yn really was brave for ever agreeing to this!!
iamrebeccad: can’t wait to have you guys back home and where you belong 🥺
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1K notes · View notes
luveline · 2 months
Note
More spencer x hotch's sister? I love her relationship with hotch so much btw! Maybe spencer learns some of what she went through in her past?
“What did you get Haley for your six months?” you ask. 
Aaron shakes his basket of fries. You can smell them from your side of the table, salt and grease from the fryer. He doesn’t need to see you looking, maybe he doesn’t care that you want one or not, he tips half of the basket onto your plate and shrugs. “It was a long time ago, I’m not sure I remember. For our first year together I gave her a promise ring, I think.” 
“I don’t think I can get him a promise ring…” You swirl your drink with your straw. Fizzy bubbles rush to the surface. “A ring might be nice, though. Can he wear jewellery in the field?” 
“One nondescript ring would be fine.” 
“Maybe a necklace.” You stab a few of his given fries on your fork and smile. “I’m very stressed, but he’s been so kind the whole time. He never makes me worry about anything.” 
“Spencer is kind.” Aaron glances to the side as a couple sits in the booth opposite. “Admittedly, I was worried. But you’re happy, so I’m happy.” 
“Six months is a long time for no fights.” 
“Honey, some people don’t fight.” 
You toy with a stray piece of lettuce. “I’m really glad that we don’t, but I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.” 
“It won’t drop. You think I’d let you date Spencer if I suspected he was secretly evil?” 
“There are a few things wrong with that question…” You wipe your mouth with a napkin. “Okay, it won’t drop. Can we get, um, dessert? Rocky road sundaes?” They’re Aaron’s favourite, so they’re yours, too. 
Despite his assurances, you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You think about your conversation with Aaron for the days leading up to your six month anniversary with Spencer, which he aptly names your ‘half anniversary’. He doesn’t plan any surprises —he sends you a PDF with different options for everything. Five different restaurants with different options for courses, moods, and settings. There are notes for each place and why you might like them, and there are activities for each one afterwards based on the location. It’s so thoughtful it makes you feel sick. The other shoe looms, and looms. 
You choose a smaller restaurant just outside of the busy city, with a beautiful outdoor eating area on a stone veranda. It’s lively but not crowded, secluded but not completely private. 
Spencer tucks your seat in, and he kisses your cheek before he takes his own. When he does, he looks across the table at you, and says, “Wow, you’re so pretty.” 
“You think so?” 
“You’re beautiful.” He gives you one of his not so shy, almost cheesy smiles, like he wants to laugh. “Do you want your gift now or later?” 
“Is it rude to say I want it now?” 
“No, it’s not rude. I’ll feel better once I know you like it.” 
He presents you with a box wrapped in dark blue crepe paper and rounded silver star stickers. There’s twine wrapped around it and bowed, too beautiful to want to open. You look between him and the present in awe. “This is real pretty,” you say softly. 
“It’s nicer inside,” he says. 
You unravel the twin carefully, and you take off the paper to reveal a large, flat box. You put the paper in your jacket pocket, folded primly to keep. Spencer waits patiently. 
You press your thumbnail into the box’s seam and push. 
It’s four pieces of jewellery. What catches your eye first is the sapphires, blue crystal with deep dark hearts pressed into the pendant of a necklace, the heart of a bracelet, and the main bodies of their matching earrings. All simple, elegant pieces, and compiled, their impressiveness is amplified. Your breath catches. You don’t need to be an expert in jewellery to immediately assign a ballpark price tag, and it’s a lot. It’s sort of startling. 
But the price doesn’t matter half as much as the sentiment. 
“Do you remember them?” he asks softly. 
Fourth date. Hand in hand, you and Spencer walked through a shopping centre with iced drinks and churros, and you’d paused for a few seconds to ogle the jewellery display. You’d pointed straight at the sapphire bracelet and said, “That’s gorgeous. I think if I save, I can get it for Christmas.” 
“I know it’s not Christmas,” Spencer says, “I’m sorry, I cheated. But I hope you like them.” 
“Spencer, I love them, I love them,” —you reach your hand across the table— “I love you. Thank you.” 
He smiles at you. “Yeah, I love you, too.” 
You can’t stop yourself from getting up to hug him. He bends under your weight and holds your arms, doesn’t wince when you press the entirety of your face to his hair and breathe. “Thank you,” you whisper, kissing his forehead twice, “thank you, I love you.” 
“I love you, too.” He takes your face into his hand before you can leave. “You like them?” he asks. 
“I love them.” 
His smile is everything. “I really did cheat, I wrote it down when we got home and you know I can’t forget the things I read,” he murmurs, pulling you in for a kiss. 
Six months later and your heart still skips a beat. Doesn’t matter that he has an eidetic memory, what’s important is that he wrote it down. 
You take another hug, to his delight, and return to your seat. Your presents wait in a bag under the table. Two books, one jewellery box. He goes for the smaller box first. 
“It’s a ring,” you say, too nervous to let him discover it by himself. “I know you don’t often wear them, but I thought maybe it’s because it’s not something you’d get for yourself, and I think it would look good on you.” 
He opens the box with a smile. So pretty, and exuberantly bright. “Oh, wow.” 
“I don’t know if brands mean anything to you, but it’s Vivienne–”
“It’s beautiful,” he interrupts, “I love it. What finger do I wear it on?” 
“Most wear it on their marriage finger, I think, but you obviously don’t have to do that.” 
He slips it onto his ring finger, turns his hand one way and another, and there’s this joy that echoes all the way across the table from his very core. “Thank you. I love it, and now every time I look down I'll remember why you gave it to me.” 
You spend a lot of time apart, what with both of you working. “I thought that, too.” 
He takes the books next. His laugh is soft. “I’m not surprised.” 
“They’re… they’re my personal copies.” 
He startles at that. “They are?” 
“Yeah. Uh,” —you point at the first— “that’s my favourite, and I think it could be your favourite too.” 
“And this one?” he asks gently, slipping the first underneath the second. 
“Aaron gave that one to me. I know what you’re thinking, okay, that I’m giving something to you I should really keep. Maybe it makes you uncomfortable, I don’t know, but I love you.” You lick your lips. “It’s nice to fall in love. And you’ve made it so easy.” 
He stares at you, lips parted. 
You panic. “It was hard, growing up, and I know everyone struggles but it was hard. If it weren’t for my brother… I feel like it sticks to me and you’ve never made me feel that way. You love me for me. I was convinced nobody would ever do that.” 
“I know it was hard,” he says. 
“Really hard, sometimes, but you aren’t. I’m never scared of you.” 
He reaches across the table to touch your hand. “You aren’t supposed to be scared of anyone, angel.”
Warmth blossoms under his touch. You shake off the fog. “It’s not just about all of that, I swear, I really do think you’ll like them. But if I got it all wrong just lie to me, okay?” 
“You didn’t get anything wrong, shut up,” he says. Spencer stands, his turn to hug you, but he goes about it differently. He tips your head back and he kisses you, and his nose is a pressed line in your cheek as he squeezes you to him. “I’d be surprised if anybody who’s ever met you didn’t love you. Okay? Thank you for trusting me with it.” 
It, and not them, not the books. 
He peels away. You beam at one another. 
“Should we eat?” you ask, feeling pleased and shy at once. 
He kisses you again, one quick peck. “Yes, we can eat.”
1K notes · View notes
thesiltverses · 2 months
Text
A very big thank you
I posted this on Patreon, but really wanted to share it here as well:
Post-show life begins
For a long while now I’ve been getting up at 4.30 or 5am, grabbing myself the first coffee of four, and then coming to sit at my desk.
I open up the assembly cut of the newest TSV episode.
I listen to it, I try and pin down which scenes I need to be going back over today. I try and push through the entire morning without a break because when the momentum stalls, that’s what kills your release schedule. (I also worry endlessly about just how much of my hair is falling out, and how spending 12 hours a day wearing headphones could be contributing to that.)
Today was different. I still woke up early - it’s a hard habit to shake off, and probably a useful one going forward. But I didn’t go to my desk, and I didn’t put my headphones on.
I went to the rocking chair we bought for our son when he comes, and I sat there - gently swaying and trying not to spill my coffee all over it, because for some reason it’s fucking beige - and looked out over the city skyline. 
I slugged back my coffee surrounded by all the stuff we’ve panic-bought for the baby, and I got to take all of it in - washcloths and the changing table and romper suits - with a sudden focus and a clarity and a rising excitement that I really hadn’t allowed myself to feel until today, because until today the work was still unfinished and there was still much left to be done.
All at once I felt very free, and fully sated, and happy and proud for everything that’s coming next.
There’s so much to feel grateful for from the past three years of working on this show. But what’s probably going to sit with me the most is being able to arrive at that moment and those feelings today, - and we have all of you incredible people to thank for that.
Not just in terms of listenership or financial support, although that’s been truly invaluable and a lifeline for us that’s enabled us to actually make the show - but also your enthusiasm, your passion, your jokes and comments and everything that’s helped to keep us motivated and working on it.
So - with as much feeling as words can convey, thank you so, so much for everything.
What’s coming next, in rough order
#1: Parentdom is going to take over our lives for a while! I also want to write the final Patreon episode commentaries in the next few days, while I have the time and the clear memories. #2: The next thing we’ll organise will be the post-season Q&A (we’d also like to do some kind of off-camera cast party if we can make schedules work, just to say thank you to our amazing VAs and celebrate with them). Please do ask us questions! #3: We have long-unfinished commitments to the Patreon which I need to complete: the last two episodes of So Long, Good Luck, and rounding off Sid Wright’s story. As ever, huge thank-yous for your patience with these; they’ve just been impossible to polish off while also working on the main show so much. #4: Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time is the possibility of going back to Season 1 and redesigning it from scratch to try and bring it closer in style to S2 and S3. We have the raw audio files - some of the mic quality will just be rough no matter what, but we can certainly try.  This is something I want to be conscientious and careful about; I very much want to respect the sound design work that’s already taken place, and ensure we’re not overriding anything. But I do know that the initial quality still sometimes puts new listeners off; we were learning a lot about direction and mastering from scratch, and our designers were working with limited budget and a total lack of plugins, so there’s simply a lot more we can achieve now. (This would also be a good opportunity for me to finally rework the transcripts, another fallen hurdle). #5: A few months back, we were contacted by a literary agent in NYC who was interested in us adapting the show into a series of novels. There’s a long road ahead to actually get published, but I'm thrilled to say that I have signed with them and I’m really excited to hopefully start work on the first book once I’ve settled into dad-dom. I’ll need to check what’s possible, but if it doesn’t interfere with any contract condition I’d obviously love to share excerpts on here as it’s written. #6: Then there’ll also be another larger audiodrama project - we’ve spoken about the different possibilities before! Excited to get started on our final choice.
Just one last word about endings
God, endings are scary. Because endings are impossible.
How many serialised stories actually end in a way that’s received unequivocally well?  People yelled at The Sopranos for its ambiguity and open-endedness. People criticised Breaking Bad for treating Walt too sympathetically at the end and relying on a generic mob of snarling Nazis to act as his final foe.
Endings are either too pat and neat, or too inconclusive to be satisfying, or too surreal and dreamlike, or they simply make what feels like the wrong choices for the characters we care about. We’re all caught in that barbed wire, creators and audience alike, weighed down by the baggage of what’s come before and we've already spent so much time anticipating the infinite possibilities of how it could all turn out - it’s like we can’t get free of the story that’s trying to end. 
And the beautiful thing about these longform, iterative works is that they insist upon becoming completely ungovernable. No matter how much of a planner the creator claims to be, how much prepwork they carry out - they were never really in control. There’s spontaneity and surprises and dead ends and beautiful distractions that come spilling out along the way (I was baffled and delighted to learn that people really - at the end of the show, with such limited time to spare - wanted to find out what had happened to Eddie*). 
So they can’t end. Not really. There’s too much wonderful mess in them to ever be reasonably disentangled.
And, of course, for every ending people remember with frustration or dissatisfaction, there’s another hundred endings that nobody remembers at all, because we lost our enthusiasm along the way and it feels better to keep going back to the start and avoiding the slow decline. (Who the fuck remembers how the umpteenth X-Files reboot ended? What increasingly tired post-modern antics was Alan Moore getting up to in the final League of Extraordinary Gentlemen books?). I really just didn’t want the show to end up in that latter category.
All of that probably sounds like I’m warding off criticism about the show's ending, but for me it’s actually been the opposite. 
For an ending which is all about narrative dissatisfaction, and failed potential and missed opportunities, and how we need to come to terms with the lack of existential fairness and certainty and narrative control in our lives and keep ploughing forward all the same for as long as we possibly can, I’m massively stunned at just how positive the reception has been on here and elsewhere, and that’s something I’m actively having to process, because I think I was fearfully anticipating much more pushback.
But, look - the Eskew finale was originally quite poorly-received and then people came back around to it over time. So I’m not going to pat myself on the back too hard, because maybe it’ll ultimately be the opposite with this show, and that’s OK. For 200 years everyone was convinced King Lear was improved by having everyone survive at the end and get married. Endings take time to settle into their final condition.
For now, I am incredibly relieved that the ending we chose seems to have landed for most people, and I’m incredibly grateful for the lovely messages we’ve got about it and for the trust in us that you’ve all shown throughout the story.
So, yeah, let’s end with another thank you, because that’s what I feel so deeply and so forcefully at this point.
Thank you so much again, and speak soon.
Jon
*My take? We’ve established that the guy is in some kind of blue-collar job and has been pushed into constant overtime due to the reduced workforce. We’ve seen that the so-called ‘national holiday’ doesn’t actually rescue workers from their commitments. So I personally imagine that Eddie was working during the parade somewhere on the city outskirts, and is alive and well.
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tjwritesfanfics · 1 month
Text
I'm stupid, do me (Spencer Reid)
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader
Summary: Frustration and zoning out can lead to interesting things.
Warnings: None really, just ogling Spencer illusions to sex~
Words: 588
Main Masterlist | Criminal Minds Masterlist
AN Basically it's that Tik Tok sound meme "I have the urge to do something stupid." "I'm stupid, do me." Very short and fun
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Spencer and you were stuck in a small precinct room, him working on the geographical profile and you attempting to help, but kind of zoning out from lack of sleep. Things have been non-stop around the clock lately. It was like serial killers decided the BAU didn’t need a break and honestly it was a little rude. A little beauty sleep goes a long way.
But right now you were running on really bad police coffee, some way too sweet donuts (like how is that even possible?), and the sight of Spencer Reid in his purple button up and his sleeves rolled up.
God he looked so good not only in button ups, but in that color, really brings out his eyes. Speaking of his eyes, they were narrowed in thought, scanning over the map, nimble fingers marking different spots.
You bite your lip now thinking about his fingers. If he wasn’t your coworker you would have already tried to sleep with him. It was super unprofessional to sleep with a man you work so closely with, but that didn’t stop your fantasies from running wild. It’s also not like he felt anywhere near the same as you did.
Hotch came into the room, Morgan and Emily following behind him. You didn’t hear what they were saying, honestly not even really noticing they were there, eyes still eating Spencer alive.
“There has to be something else we can try.” Hotch crossed his arm.
Spencer went from the table to the board. “I have the urge to do something stupid.”
“I’m stupid, do me.” You voice up.
Silence fell over the room as everyone turned to you, you being unaware of what had just come out of your mouth due to the fact that you were still staring at Spencer’s arms.
All of the sudden it hit you.
You shot up from your seat, eyes wide and looking around at the people in the room. “I said that out loud didn’t I?” Morgan grins at you and Spencer awkwardly nods his head. “I’m just gonna…”
Sprinting from the room, you hear cheering from the room, feeling kind of betrayed that your coworkers would celebrate your awkwardness. Groaning you stop to hit your head on the wall. Normally you were able to keep your sexy comments to yourself, but you were going to blame the lack of sleep.
“Did you mean it?”
You jump at the sound of Spencer’s voice behind you. “Geez Spencer! Don’t do that.” There was a beat of silence before you went on a ramble, “Look I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable in there. I am running on like zero sleep and that really bad police coffee and no sex for like months and it just kind of came out.”
“But did you mean it?”
“Y yeah I did.”
Spencer grins, taking your face in his hands and crashing your lips together, you gasp at the sudden contact before melting into his touch. His lips are slightly cracked, but you didn’t mind, especially when he drags you into the nearest room, shutting and locking the door.
“We have to make this quick,” He says between kissing you, “but I am not passing this up. I’ve waited too long for you.”
For once you were so grateful for your tired big mouth.
And don’t worry, after the mind blowing sex, Spencer was revved up and clear headed and found the missing link in geographical profile, leading to the take down of the Unsub.
Go crazy sex.
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ceesimz · 2 months
Text
Reverie - Part 2
Autistic Reader x Barça Femení - part one here
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Hey, welcome back for part two :) Thank you so much for the love, this genuinely wouldn't have been posted had it not been for the reaction to the first. Again, more things I wanna mention before reading. This part includes the aftermath of a bad meltdown, but the actual meltdown part is not written in. This was a personal decision because quite honestly there is no way to sum that experience down into a few words, it's impossible. The best example I have seen of a meltdown in the media is the character of Quinni in Heartbreak High on Netflix, if you're interested then you should watch that scene in the first season. I hope you enjoy this second part, thank you for taking the time to read it, let me know what you think :)
Your first Champion’s League game for Barcelona, a group stage game against PSG at home, didn’t quite go as planned.
From the first minute of the game, things weren’t clicking out on the pitch for you. Passes to and from you weren’t connecting, you were losing duels you definitely shouldn’t and you were missing key, game-changing shots. 
Half-time came way too quickly, and to everybody’s frustration, the score was still 0-0. As everyone sat in the changing rooms receiving treatment or refreshing themselves with energy drinks and whatnot, the result wasn’t the thing at the forefront of Ingrid's mind. It was you. She could see defeat written all over you before the match had even concluded. It didn’t bode well what this game was doing to you. Before she could do anything, she was called away for a tactical discussion. Then the break was over and everybody was being ushered back to the pitch, and her opportunity was gone.
Rough challenges, an open goal miss, and a yellow card later, you were done for. Your streak was over, you knew what was coming and there was no way to avoid it.
Nobody heard from you for ten hours, nobody saw you at any point after the game, and quite frankly nobody knew where you were. Ingrid knew though. And if her gut feeling about what had happened was correct, she was going to need back up for this one. She hadn’t dealt with a situation like this for a while now, and she felt a little out of her depth.
“Why didn’t anybody stay with her last night?” Alexia asked with a deep-set frown, rushing to your flat alongside Mapi and Ingrid. “You guys live in the same complex as her, why didn’t you check up on her?”
“I don’t know, Alexia! If I could go back and change it, I would, I swear.” Ingrid replied desperately, looking through her keys to find the one to her old flat. 
“Hey, let’s not argue. She won’t be in any fit state to deal with that, we can hash it out later.” Mapi attempted to de-escalate the situation whilst taking the keys from her girlfriend's shaking hands and quietly unlocking the door.
The thing they'd all been worried about made its presence known immediately. Ingrid’s heart broke, and she’d never regretted a decision more in her life.
By the door, your bag had been thrown haphazardly towards the shoe rack, causing the contents of both items to be strewn across the entryway. As the trio stepped past the mess and entered the main room, their concern doubled. There seemed to be two smashed glasses in the kitchen, one of the framed prints from your lounge wall had fallen down, a plant had been knocked over, yet there was no sign of you. The curtains were drawn, the lights were off, and the flat was deathly silent.
“What do we do?” Alexia questioned quietly, afraid of shattering the calm that had seemingly settled after the storm, and unsure what the best way to go about this was. She'd never really experienced anything like this before, at least not to this degree.
“Can you two clean up a bit? She will be in bed, I should go to her first I think.” Ingrid decided as her eyes were glued to your closed bedroom door.
“Of course. If either of you need anything, princesa, just shout for us.” Mapi reminded her, knowing that whatever was in store for her behind your bedroom door could be mentally taxing for her too. She nodded, and at that left the two Spaniards to clean up as she went off to do some damage control.
What greeted her when she entered your room was a sight she hadn’t seen in a long time. Not since the several hour journeys the pair of you would make throughout Germany to meet up, not since national camps, not for years. 
Ingrid found you as a disfigured lump under the duvet, the only thing visible being your hair peeking out just slightly. Again, the lights were off and the curtains were drawn, but with it being morning there was enough daylight bleeding through the soft material to let her look around the room. Just like the rest of the flat, it was in a concerning state of disarray. That wasn't at the forefront of her mind though right now though.
“Elskling?” She called out softly, though got no response. Her only option was to step closer, around to the side of the bed you lay on to try and get your attention.
You were lay on your stomach, cheek smushed against the mattress, and most unnervingly of all, your eyes were open and staring straight ahead at the wall in front. The look on your face was hauntingly empty, yet agonised all in one.
“Hey.” Ingrid whispered, kneeling down before you, yet you didn't even acknowledge she was there. 
It was that moment that the defender noticed the tear tracks, the redness to your face, and the internal agony and undertones of fear present in your blood-shot eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat, broken at the sight of you, before gently placing her hand on your back atop the sheets.
“If you can hear me, min engel, just give me a tiny nod at least. That's all I ask.” The relief that flooded her when you did exactly what she said was immense, it filled her from head to toe, so grateful you were at least present in the room now. 
“Thank you, that's all I needed.” She smiled sadly, delicately pushing a few strands of hair out of your face. “I'm going to sit here with you for as long as you need. María and Alexia are here too but they won't come in unless you say otherwise, they are just cleaning up for you. I love you, søster, I am always going to love you no matter what.”
Her words, her compassionate and caring words, broke through the trance you'd been in ever since your explosive meltdown had ended however long ago. Ingrid's unconditional love that she consistently showed towards you made itself known yet again, it being quite possibly the one sole thing that could get through to you in this precarious moment. 
The taller woman panicked the moment she saw you tearing up again, worried that she had said the wrong thing, but then your arm reached out from under the covers and grasped desperately at the hand on your back.
“It's okay, it's okay. I've got you. I'm here, you're safe, and I've got you.” Her free hand came up to wipe the tears that fell silently, the repetitive movement of her thumb across your wet cheeks a comfort you clung onto. Meanwhile, the arm of hers you'd grabbed now had both your arms wrapped around it, eyes scrunched tightly shut to keep the tears at bay as much as possible. 
It wasn't possible though, they were coming out thick and fast with no way of stopping them.
“Let it out, snuppa, you will feel better.”
And let it out you did; all the anger you directed at yourself the second the final whistle blew the day before dissipated, and a fatalistic sadness washed over you. You don't know how long you spent sobbing into the mattress, all you knew was that Ingrid was there and she wasn't leaving. She repeated reassuring words over and over until they finally registered, eventually helping you to calm down.
All that was left was an exhausted, now mindless shell of you, stuttered breaths sounding through the quiet room every so often. Ingrid's hand was tracing light circles on the palm of yours, whilst she was quietly suffering through a numb arm that you held onto still.
“Have you had anything to eat or drink since yesterday?” Ingrid asked, her assumption confirmed by the slight shake of your head. “Can I leave for a few seconds to get you something, or shall I ask one of the girls to do it?”
“Stay.” You could barely get the single word out; your throat was already dry and hurting from the exertion it had experienced in the last twelve hours or so, nevermind the mental challenge it was to speak.
“Alright, I will stay. Is it okay if one of them comes in then?” Another tiny, barely noticeable nod. “I will text them, thank you.”
No more than a few silent minutes later, there was a polite knock on the door, shortly followed by Alexia walking in with a tray in her arms. On it was a glass of water, a variety of snacks, some electrolyte tablets and even a box of tissues. She had really thought of it all.
Alexia’s eyes glanced up to where you were, before turning back to Ingrid with a questioning look in her eyes. Ingrid only shook her head, and Alexia took that as her cue to leave. It was clear, from just one momentary glance, that Ingrid still had more progress to make with you, so Alexia quietly slipped straight back out of the room.
When Ingrid turned back to you, all she saw was the sixteen year old version of you, crying in a hotel room hours from home after being dropped to the bench for an upcoming match. She saw the seventeen year old inside of you, the one that had gotten way past drunk at a party and had collapsed into a blubbering, destroyed mess on your bed after near enough carrying you home. She saw you at twenty, breaking down when she revealed she was moving to Wolfsburg, fumbling through the congratulatory messages whilst trying to come to terms with the fact your best friend was moving to a whole different country, feeling like the world was collapsing around you. You, twenty-three, leaving your last national camp, physically and mentally ruined, unable to talk, body and mind exhausted after a night of tears, frustration, and a soul crushing amount of remorse at the decision you had no choice but to make.
Every version of yourself, past and present, was right there in front of her; every version needing the support she was giving. Every version was still alive in some way, they would never die. With this disorder, things don’t come and go, they’re always there, ready to be triggered at any given moment. She had seen this one and the others a handful of times before, but you’d have them with you for the rest of your life. Your own cross to bear, something she’d never come to experience or understand, but if she can carry the load with you then she’d give up everything else in her life to do so.
“Are you ready to sit up? Ale brought in some stuff for you.” She said, her hand resting on your cheek and caressing it lightly. 
You only shrugged, not quite ready to leave your space yet. If you moved now, you had to face the world again, had to recover from the night’s meltdown and move on. It was daunting, nothing short of terrifying, and the longer you could delay the process, the better.
“The three of us have cleared our day, should you need us. We’ll go at your pace, do things how you want. I’ll be right here.” 
You found solace in Ingrid’s company; having her here meant you could relax and focus on something else other than the noise in your head. Your thoughts were having a whale of a time up there, you couldn’t land on a single one as they were spiralling around too much to pick one out. It was exactly that - just noise. But then you’d avert your eyes slightly to the left and land on a certain dark-haired woman, and everything went silent. Knowing that Alexia and Mapi were just a few metres away behind the door might have made you panic, but you trusted them both and knew that they were equally concerned about you as Ingrid was. As Alexia had told you since one of the first times you spoke to her, she wanted to be a person you felt comfortable with to go to about any problems, and you did trust her. Mapi too, though she came as an unspoken package deal with Ingrid, whether she liked that or not.
“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, surprising yourself as much as you did Ingrid. She frowned at you, wondering why of all things you could say after the difficult time you’d had in the last day, you chose to apologise.
“Sorry about what? You don’t need to apologise for anything, elskling.” She told you, finally moving her dead arm to hold one of your hands and squeeze it comfortingly.
“Yesterday. The match. Me.” Talking was still hard, but the guilt was monumental.
“The result wasn’t your fault. That’s just how football is sometimes, but we didn’t lose and we still have more group stage games to go. The whole team was off, it wasn’t your fault.” Ingrid reminded you, her eyes wide as she tried to get the message through to you.
“Yellow card.”
“You did get a yellow card, but we all saw the replay afterwards and you got the ball. The referee got it wrong. You also scored our only goal of the game, engel, don’t forget that.” She shuffled a little closer on her knees, placing another kiss to your forehead.
“Suppose so.” You grumbled a minute later, Ingrid smiling in amusement.
“You did so.” She commented, thumb still stroking along the skin of your cheekbone. “Did you have a bad meltdown last night?”
“Mhm.” You hummed dejectedly, overcome with shame and embarrassment at now admitting it to someone. The evidence of it was all around, you knew the trio in your house had seen it all, but there was something gut-wrenching about admitting it aloud.
“Okay. We’ll pick up the pieces and put you back together, don’t worry.” Ingrid stated resolutely, like there was no other option.
With the next thing you said, someone might have to come along and piece Ingrid back together.
“Why do they have to happen, Ingrid? I hate them so fucking much.” 
All your vulnerabilities poured out in two short sentences. Twenty-six years later and the process of a meltdown never got any less demoralising.
“I know, I know.” She moved from her place on the floor and clambered onto the bed behind you, recognising that you had entered a head space where you’d feel comfortable with it now. You confirmed that for her by rolling onto your side, allowing her to shuffle up and hug you tightly back to her chest. “Hey, think of it this way. This is your first one since moving to Spain, that’s amazing! I’m so proud. You’ve handled everything so well, I bet younger you is so proud too.”
Progress wasn’t linear, and it didn’t have the same definition in this case as it did for the majority of the population. Progress meant learning about yourself, learning what harmed you and what you couldn’t deal with, so that you could come up with solutions. There wasn’t a way to grow comfortable with certain things, like restaurants for example, it was about realising what precautions had to be taken beforehand and what support you needed afterwards. Progress was being able to ask people for help, it was having the courage to say no to plans you wouldn’t be able to cope with, it was accepting that yes, you were different, but no, it didn’t make you any less worthy than the next person.
You had made progress, but not the textbook definition of it. Autism took everything about the allistic world and re-defined it for itself.
“Thank you.” You said, voice cracking a little as you did so, a slither of a smile on your face when Ingrid kissed the back of your neck. “Love you, Ingrid.”
The defender felt as if her heart had burst upon hearing those two words. But with the swell of joy that filled her chest, quickly came the crushing sense of regret from earlier.
“I love you too. I'm sorry for not being here last night. I could have helped, or just been with you, and I didn't. I'm sorry for that.” 
Her apology tugged at your heart; you didn't blame her, not one bit. 99% of the time, there was no stopping these things, no matter what you tried or who you were with.
“It's okay. Thank you for being here now.” 
Ingrid nestled in closer at that, and the strength of her hug was the exact kind of pressure needed for the remnants of the dark cloud that had hung over you for a while to finally drift away. The pair of you stayed that way for a while, both more than happy to relish in the peace that had settled, but when there are two antsy women only a few feet behind the door, a disruption is inevitable.
“Can they come in? They’re both worried and will just want to see you're okay.” Ingrid asked quietly after one of them had knocked on the door. You nodded sheepishly, so Ingrid called them in.
“How are things going in here?” Mapi asked carefully, smiling at her girlfriend who gave her a reassuring nod.
“Good. We’re doing okay now.” Ingrid answered honestly, feeling just as relieved as the two Spaniards at the door looked.
“You guys can come in instead of hanging around by the door.” You told them, Ingrid stifling her laughter behind you.
“You two look cosy. Let me join, I'm jealous.” Mapi grinned, dramatically diving onto the bed and sighing contently as she threw an arm around Ingrid's waist.
Alexia was still lingering awkwardly at the door as three of you lay in one double bed, thinking that she didn't want to intrude on a friendship that had been around far longer than she'd known you. But, as you had done for months now, you continued to surprise her.
“Come lay here, Ale.” You waved her over and pointed for her to lay beside the bed on the ground.
Ale. Sure, everybody called her that, but today was the first time you called her that.
She came over in a heartbeat, probably too eager, but she immediately got down and laid on her back beside you. You looked down at her with a shy smile, red eyes and all, and she returned it instantly with pink cheeks.
“Have you eaten yet?” She whispered, looking at the untouched tray of goods next to her. As you shook your head, she reached to grab the paper bag of bakery-bought cookies she had found in your kitchen and opened them, before taking one out and breaking a bit off to give to you. “Cookies for breakfast.”
“Cookies for breakfast.” You gladly took it and ate it, all whilst smiling down at the woman on the floor.
Alexia Putellas, your captain, a World Cup winner, voted best player in the world numerous times, laying on the floor of your apartment just for you. Playing for this team, in this city, was still such a perplexing situation, though fortunately for all the right reasons.
The rest of the day was spent with Mapi and Ingrid as you had told Alexia to go to her family dinner she had initially cancelled. She was reluctant to do so, but eventually she agreed and you were left with Ingrid and her hyperactive counterpart. They kept you distracted enough throughout the day, going for a walk with you, watching a movie with you, even inviting you back to their apartment for dinner where you spent the majority of the time with Bagheera on your lap. Mapi made digs at the fact her cat loved you more than her, and you just sat there with a grin on your face, knowing it was true and revelling in it. 
At the end of the night, you insisted on going back to your own flat after telling the pair of them you were tired of third-wheeling. With tight hugs from them both and one last gloat from you as Bagheera followed you to the door, you left them and made the very short journey back home. You had unknowingly left your phone there, and as you checked it for the first time in a couple hours, there was a surprise waiting for you on it.
Alexia: Would you like to get breakfast with me tomorrow? 
Alexia: I can meet you at your apartment and we can walk somewhere of your choice
Alexia: But if you don't want to, that’s okay!
Her nervousness radiated through the phone with her slight spam of texts, and you couldn’t help but smile at how endearing it was. As if you could ever say no to that. Even if it was a last minute change of plan, all you were going to do tomorrow was maybe go on a run or go to the gym before staying home all day. This was a welcome surprise.
Sticking true to her word, she showed up at 9am on the dot. Anyone would assume it was the middle of winter in Norway with the way she was dressed, when it was just a rainy day in Barcelona. But she was there, a shy smile on her face that was very uncharacteristic for her as she handed you one of the two umbrellas she had in her hands.
“I do have my own umbrella here, Ale.” You teased her, though you took it and closed the door behind you. When you turned back, there was a red shade to her cheeks.
“Well, good morning to you too.” She grumbled, trying to act grumpy but the smile on her face forced its way through sooner than she wanted. As soon as it did, she drew you in for one of those hugs that you may or may not think about more often than you'd admit.
You both easily fell into step after that, heading towards a quiet little cafe you had frequented since your first week in Barcelona. It was a short walk from your apartment, but that didn’t stop the grumbled complaints from Alexia about the weather the whole way, though by the time you arrived you were quite sure she was doing it just to hear you laugh. Again, it surprised you just how naturally conversation flowed between you both. There was no awkwardness, no nerves, just unfiltered joy spilling from the both of you. It hit you then. You were just being yourself around her. And that’s why it felt so good.
There was no reason to mask around Alexia; you felt safe around her. You could do or say anything, and most likely she would just smile right back at you. She’d seen most versions of you by now, and yet here she still was, inviting you out for breakfast even if it did rain on her parade. She had seen you at your happiest in your first game for the team when she came sprinting over, leading the charge for her teammates to celebrate with you. She saw you yesterday morning after a night of horror, eyes red and puffy, wrapped up unmoving in bed, and she lay on the floor beside you still with a smile on her face. You had already let her in more than some of the people you were closest with back in Germany and her opinion never faltered. 
After finding a table, beside the window of course, Alexia went off to order for the pair of you. Though, when she came back, there was a surprise on your plate.
“Why’d you get me this?” You asked shyly.
“Because it is your… your comfort food, right? I thought you would like it.” She shrugged the gesture off, sitting down across from you like it was nothing. Like it didn’t mean everything to you. It wasn’t the cookie itself that had your heart racing, it was the thought behind it that topped your heart back up with the love it needed after the past thirty-six hours.
“They are, but you didn’t have to do this for me. Thank you.” You said, hiding your smile by taking a drink of the hot cocoa you had chosen.
“Eh, it’s nothing. Have you ever tried this?” She gestured to her choice of meal, one of her favourites. “Pa amb tomàquet.”
“I don’t like tomatoes.” 
“Oh no, cariño.” Alexia muttered after a few quiet moments, shaking her head and dropping her cutlery. “No, no, no.”
“What?” You said in amusement, entertained by her dramatics.
“You just stamped on my culture. You broke my heart.”
“I broke your heart, did I?” You said with a smirk. “You broke my heart when you complained about the rain the whole way here.”
“How can anyone like rain? It is sad and boring.” She argued in mock outrage, though of course she can’t last a second around you without smiling.
“The rain reminds me of home.” You revealed sheepishly. Alexia’s shoulders dropped and her face softened instantly. “Both Norway and Germany, actually.”
“No, I understand. I get it. I never thought about it like that but I understand.” She told you, watching as you nodded and looked out the window. “Do you get homesick?”
“Sometimes.” You admitted in a whisper a minute later, only to clear your throat and turn your attention back to your food and start eating.
“You… you never speak Norwegian with Ingrid.” She stated, though it was clearly more of a question.
“Uh, nope. I find it hard to learn new languages, so when I learnt English and moved to Germany, it was like it became my first language. I can speak Norwegian still, obviously, and I would love to learn Spanish and Catalan but it’s just really tiring switching between languages. Mentally tiring, that is. I never learnt German other than a few basic phrases. It’s just too much to process if that makes sense.” 
You stumbled your way through an explanation of a minor secret you’d been a little shameful of for a while now. It was common courtesy to learn and understand the language of a new country, as well as immersing yourself in that and the culture, but it was something you had always struggled with. Admitting that to someone like Alexia was slightly terrifying.
“That’s okay, a lot of people here speak English so you don’t need to worry about learning the languages. But if you ever want some lessons, if or when you are ready, I could help. Or Aitana, or Jana, or someone else.” 
It was suggestions like that, easy solutions that were offered with no second thought, that made Alexia so endearing.
There was one thought that was ever-present in the back of your mind though, it had been for a while, but the meltdown brought it on even stronger. Once the pair of you had finished your meals and were merely just enjoying each other’s company, it came out before you could stop it.
“Do you think I’m doing well here?”
Alexia paused for a moment to think carefully, before placing her cup down and smiling over at you.
“I do. You want to know what I think?” You nodded with no hesitation. “I remember watching you play against us in the Champion’s League last year, you really caused us a lot of problems. And then I heard the coaches say they were thinking of signing you, and I really wanted you to come because I know you would flourish here. Our play style suits you well, and you are an amazing striker. Your positioning, your creativity, awareness, you are a well-rounded attacker. And outside of the pitch, well… the team is much better off with you here.”
“What do you mean?” You said, almost in a whisper.
“You are just a happy person. The happiest person in the changing room. Any one of us could be having a bad day, but then you are there with your smile and your cheeriness and it really lifts us all up.”
Dumb-founded. That's all you felt in that moment. 
Perhaps your face may not show that considering there was a thoughtful frown on your face as you processed the words nobody had ever said to you before, but then the slight shock wore off and… nope, still dumb-founded.
“Really?” You had to double check, because is that honestly what other people thought of you?
“Yes. It's the truth. Ingrid said she has never seen you bond like this with a team before. Believe me when I say you fit in, everybody loves you. We can't imagine what it's like to not have you now.” 
Well. You just might have to start believing that. What choice were you left with otherwise?
Something snapped inside of you after that day. A new problem had formed, one you couldn’t have expected at all. Had you dealt with a similar situation in the past? Yes. But those were much more convenient occasions. This one couldn’t be more inconvenient if you tried.
You couldn’t talk to Mapi about it, or Ingrid, or Alexia. Definitely not Alexia. 
It’s just a crush. You could get over a crush. 
Of course you fall for the first person who showed you a bit of humanity. What’s not to like about Alexia?
She lets you ramble to her when you want to, she sits in silence with you when you need it. During briefings at training, she’ll hand over a pack of chewing gum as she knows it helps you to concentrate or, even in some situations outside of training, she takes her rings off and lets you wear them so you can fidget with them instead of your bad habits of skin picking. She’s seen you very close to your worst, and she’s seen you at your best. She gives you her sunglasses whenever a place is too bright, not just because of the sun as it can be any kind of light, and she lets you squeeze her hand to death during take-offs and landings on planes whilst travelling for away games.
Maybe, maybe, it was a tad more than a crush. It’s not your fault though! She chose to act this way, she had inserted herself right into your life the moment she met you, so… what else were you supposed to do?
Oh boy. 
“Frido! I need your help!” You said in an urgent, hushed whisper. The unsuspecting Swede was just walking to her car after training when you called her name from the window of your own vehicle.
“Everything okay?” She checked with a concerned scowl to her eyebrows, coming over in an instant.
“Yes! Well, no, but yes, but- just get in the car please.” 
With a humoured smile, Frido headed around to the passenger side and hopped in, turning to you with an open expression.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit agitated.” She probed once more. Being long-time friends with Ingrid meant you had obviously come to know Frido well too, and she was part of the group you found yourself in at Barcelona, with Aitana and Esmee also. Esmee was the person you sat with on the coach most of the time, you both gave each other the calmness needed after a game… but that was when you weren't with Alexia, of course.
“Yes, I am just screwed, Frido. So screwed.” You groaned, clutching the steering wheel tightly and dropping your forehead to rest on it.
“Why?” 
“I shouldn’t tell anyone but it’s going to explode out of me if I don't talk about it soon. And I can’t tell Ingrid or Mapi, so here we are.” Then you slumped back against your chair, a frustrated sigh leaving you as you crossed your arms.
“You can tell me anything, they don’t have to know. Getting it off your chest will help.” Frido smiled reassuringly at you. 
It probably wasn’t a good idea to tell anyone about it. Having someone else know made it a reality, for you right now it was just a thought, a daydream. But telling Frido would turn this stupid delusion into an actual, real problem rather than something you thought about at night. And during the day. Actually, most of the t- it doesn't matter. 
“You must never tell a soul, Frido.” You glared at her in warning, though you trusted her with your life. “And you can't make fun of me or laugh either. It's not funny.”
“Never, snuppa. I promise.” She swore.
Another sigh as your eyes flitted around anxiously, moving from the car beside you, to the sky, to the blonde waiting patiently for you to find the words you need. Maybe the world will be thrown upside down when you tell her, but it's either that or an implosion, so.
“I like Alexia. Really like her. And it's going to ruin my life.” 
It did not feel better saying it out loud.
“Why wou-”
“Because she is the captain! She’s the leader, everyone looks up to her, she's just being a human and now I have a crush on her! That's not fair on her! All she’s doing is just being nice to me, like everyone else on the team, and my stupid brain had to choose her. Of all people in the world, her! It's going to mess everything up, I've just found my place and I'm finally feeling somewhat comfortable here and then this happens and I just- I hate it!”
Your words shocked yourself, even. Apparently it was a much bigger problem than you initially thought. In reality, you should have picked up on that, relationships historically haven't gone well for you. 
Everybody says they don't care that you're autistic until your disability actually debilitates you. One glimpse of it and they’re gone. Then the world has the audacity to label you as someone who is ‘high-functioning’ with ‘low support needs’ just because you can get up in the morning and go to work. That doesn't mean you struggle any less, you’re not ‘mildly autistic’, those struggles are simply just internalised, therefore other people experience your autism mildly. If anything, they should be thanking you. Thanking you for making their life easier by making your own a million times harder.
Should Alexia ever see you during one of your meltdowns, she’d probably run for the hills. Quit her career, change her name, and flee to another country. That’s what most people did.
“Slow down, slow down. Come back to me, you are spiralling.” There were soft hands holding your own now, stopping you from palming them roughly against your arms, something you did in anxious moments like now. Movement helped you process things, it was no wonder you became a footballer.
“I don’t know what to do, Frido, it will ruin everythi-”
“Hey, be quiet for a moment.” She urged gently, and you turned to look at her with panic in your eyes. “This won’t ruin everything, that is just your anxiety talking. You’re allowed to have a crush on someone, skatt, you’re only human. It’s natural.”
“Yes, but it’s not the fact I have a crush, it’s who the crush is.”
“I know.” She paused for a second, figuring out the best way to help you around this. “When you talk to me, who do you see? Do you see Frido, your friend? Or do you see Fridolina Rolfö, the footballer?”
“I see Frido, my friend.” You answered skeptically.
“When you’re with Alexia, do you see her as Ale, your friend? Or do you see Alexia Putellas, your captain?” 
“She’s just Ale, but I don’t-”
“If you see Alexia like that normally, why are you picturing her differently in this case? As if she’s bigger than you and… unobtainable?”
Viewing it from another perspective definitely gave you some clarity. 
…But, after all, she is your captain?
“I don’t want to mess this opportunity up though. I was really worried I wouldn’t like it here, but now I do and I actually already love it more than Germany, but if I ever acted upon my feelings it could fuck it all up. I don’t know if I could handle that.” You said insecurely, chewing on your lower lip to keep the emotions at bay. 
When Frido had been silent for too long, you turned to look at her, only to find she was doing the same thing. As if she was deep in thought. Before you could coax whatever was clearly on the tip of her tongue out of her though, she was speaking.
“I know something that I shouldn’t. I’m going to tell you anyway because I think it will make you feel a lot better.” She began with a shy, yet excited expression to her features.
“What is it?” You prompted.
“Last week, in Seville. I was walking to my hotel room and… Mapi and Ale were ahead of me in the corridor. I don’t think they knew I was there, and I heard them having a conversation just like ours.”
Oh. Oh.
“How sure are you?” Your eyes searched her face, looking for even just an ounce of hesitation that would throw all this out the window for you. But it wasn’t there.
“I’m very sure, snuppa, I heard basically every word.” She said with an almost proud smile. “I don’t think you have to worry about anything. Sounds like Alexia feels the same as you do. And even if I hadn’t overheard that, it’s clear to a lot of us that Alexia felt that way anyway. Think of how much time she has spent with you since you joined. She doesn’t spend that much time with anyone on the team, to be honest.”
That caught your attention. Now that Frido mentions it, Alexia has spent a lot of time with you. There was that morning she took you out for breakfast, something you hadn't ever expected but after it, you wished it would happen every morning. She always chooses to sit next to you at any given point, whether that be in briefings or whilst travelling, as well as opting to partner up with you in training whenever the opportunity arises. She even took time out of her own evening to cook dinner for you and bring it to you once when you told her you had ran out of your meal prep. 
“I guess.” You mumbled with a frown.
“She’s just a girl after all. Like you.”
Once again, the world had decided to show you just how much your life can change with one single conversation.
Not that you acted upon anything, of course. Over a month passed by with things staying the same as they had been for a number of weeks before the revelation with Frido. Training, match, recovery day, repeat. Dinner at Ingrid and Mapi’s apartment every Thursday if the season schedule allowed it. Morning jogs on days-off, evenings spent basking in the golden glow of a Spanish sunset, some of the best you’d seen. There may have possibly been a few more breakfast outings with Alexia. And perhaps just one movie night. Or was it two? 
Regardless, the one good thing about having the natural ability to mask all the inner turmoil you had was being able to hide your feelings when you were around Alexia. On the other hand, your trait of analysing every detail of your life became a bit too exhausting. You were overthinking all of your actions - every word you said, the way you said it, what your hands were doing, what someone might interpret from your body language, every little thing you did kept you up at night. 
You definitely still liked her, that might… never go away. Those feelings only grew and weighed you down more and more, but you couldn’t distance yourself from her no matter how loud your mind screamed at you to do so. You liked her company, she ranked almost as high as Ingrid on your list of… list of what? People you liked? People you felt safe with? People you didn’t have to mask at all around? People you lov- too early.
There was just so much to think about, and so few solutions. There were literally two; you either tell her, or you pretend it never happened. What the hell were you meant to do with those options? Both were equally as terrifying. As if your fear of the future couldn’t get any deeper, you were now stood at a crossroads. Alexia could become the most important person in your life, or she could just become another person you leave behind in this free-for-all career. She could just slip into the past and become a distant memory. 
Massive leaps of faith still weren’t your thing. The fear of the unknown still ran rampant through your veins, and though you’d become a little more relaxed about certain things over the years, this was absolutely not one of those exceptions. The prospect of it all was just too overwhelming. Truthfully, you really didn’t think you could do this.
However, things all came to a head during the last training session of the year in December. Literally.
“Ale? Are you okay?” You asked in a strangled groan, one of your hands coming up to your head as you squinted through one eye to look for the woman you’d just clashed with.
“Oye, sit down. Ale is fine, you both hit heads though so you need to be checked for a concussion. Lay down.” Mapi demanded just as you got back up onto your knees. 
At that moment, you couldn’t have cared less about whether you had a concussion or not, all you cared for was that Alexia was okay. She was, maybe a black eye and a subsequent bruise to her ego, but she was fine. You had taken the brunt of it, straight to the temple.
You followed Mapi’s instruction and layed back down, your head already starting to throb quite a bit. Before you knew it, you were surrounded by some of the medical staff as they checked you over. Once they decided you were well enough to sit up, they urged you to do so as one of them came to cradle your neck to keep it steady. A bright light was flashed into your eyes, making you flinch, but they decided then that if you did have a concussion, it wasn’t too bad. The decision was made to take both you and Alexia inside as the rest of training went on, so the pair of you walked gingerly to the physio room. 
“You okay?” Alexia murmured quietly as you both trailed behind the physios a little. You ignored the way your heart fluttered when her hand found your forearm briefly, and instead blamed it on your head injury (though it may not be physically possible for those occurrences to be linked.)
“Mhm. Are you? I’m sorry that happened.” You replied. The collision was a bit hazy for you, you couldn’t exactly remember what had happened so if you were at fault, you had to make sure she knew it wasn’t purposeful. She had to know.
“No, no apologies, it’s just football. Happens all the time.” She reassured you, smiling comfortingly down at you as she held the door open for you.
In the room, the team ushered you both onto separate beds, forcing ice packs into your hands as they carried out more cautionary checks. And to add to the guilt you felt, they decided to rule you both out of the game tomorrow as a precaution. Your stomach dropped, dreading Alexia’s reaction. Everyone knew about her mentality, a missed game was a missed opportunity. You weren’t quite sure you could ever look her in the eye again.
The second the physios said you both could leave, you hopped off the bench and went to make a run for it. The sooner you could get home, the better. If you avoided the conversation, you could avoid the whole situation, and hide until the Winter break ended.
“Cariño, wait!” Alexia called out, managing to gently stop you by your wrist before you could flee. You didn’t put up much of a fight, you just sighed and lowered your head. Alexia gestured for the rest of the staff to leave the room for the time being, and that only made matters worse. Not only was she going to trap you in a conversation, there weren’t even any witnesses. “I just want to talk about something. Could you sit down?”
You had no choice but to entertain her.
Reluctantly, you sat back down on the physio bench you were on a moment ago, and copied Alexia’s position. Perched on the edge, legs hanging off the side, except your hands gripped the fabric of it quite a bit tighter.
“Sorry.” You whispered with a chagrined look to your face, eyes trained on the swing of your legs.
“What? Why?” Alexia asked. The confusion in her voice led you to look up at her with your own questioning glance.
“For getting us ruled out. We can’t play tomorrow now.” You told her, your eyes again looking anywhere in the room but at her. Then again, that always happened, no matter the occasion. 
“I told you that wasn’t your fault, you really don’t need to apologise. I’m not mad at you, so you don’t need to feel guilty or anything. We’re both okay, it’s just for our safety.” Alexia reminded softly, but with the head space you were in, you couldn’t believe her words just yet.
“What about the game though?” You uttered in a way akin to that of a down-trodden child, and Alexia could only smile in return at it.
“The team will handle it, they’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about anything, it’s all out of your control. Chin up.” Alexia said with a coy grin. 
She laughed freely when you physically tilted your head up and squeezed your eyes shut to give a cheesy smile, and the sound of it instantly calmed most of your worries. 
“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” 
“Um, no, actually. There’s another thing.” She scratched the back of her neck nervously as she spoke, and just like that your anxiety came rushing back. “I just, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, so please tell me if I am because that’s not what I wan-”
Was she about to say it?
“Say it, Ale. Just say it.” You interrupted, because if she was going to say it, you needed it right now. You couldn’t wait a second longer.
“Right. Well…” There was a bright redness to her cheeks, not just from the head-to-head a while ago. “I, um, I… I like you. Really like you, actually. As in, I want to go on a date with you.” 
She actually said it.
“In a romantic way?” Your deadpan tone didn’t exactly help Alexia’s nerves in that moment.
“Uh, I’m not sure there’s any other kind of date, cariño, so yes, in a romantic way.” She laughed nervously. You were quiet for a few moments as you inwardly controlled your emotions so that you didn’t totally freak out in front of the woman who had just asked you on a date. 
You had to play it cool, right? That’s what everyone always said.
“Sure. When?”
It was comical, really. You’d waited this long for something to finally happen between you both, and now it seemed you couldn’t care any less. If Alexia could see into your brain right now though, it would be total chaos. Like a scene straight out of Inside Out.
“I guess now that we can’t play tomorrow and we are the only ones ruled out, we could go to the game together?” 
That was… actually a much better idea than you thought. Normally, people go on dates to the cinema or to restaurants or whatever other hellish activity neurotypicals chose to do. But a football game was common ground, something that the pair of you could talk about forever, and it was an environment that you were familiar with. That could absolutely work. A dream, actually. 
Still, you had to play it cool.
“But I’m already going to the game. And I would have to sit with you anyway. And all you would focus on is the game, it wouldn’t be much of a date.” You were teasing her at this point, whilst also worrying that perhaps you had taken it too far again, but Alexia understood you by now. She’d caught on, and this was her favourite version of you she had seen so far.
“Fine, it doesn’t have to be a date then! You could have just said no instead of breaking my heart!” She argued theatrically, a wave of euphoria rushing through her when you threw your head back and laughed. “How about we go out for food after, that can be our date? We can go to one of the markets and get dinner from a food truck and go on a walk, instead of a restaurant. Does that sound like a better date?”
“Yeah, but I was going to say yes to the football game anyway.” You shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly, a hint of a smirk on your face as you stood up to put your ice pack away. Alexia watched you do so with a huge smile on her face at your antics. You turned back to her, a hand on your hip where you stood not too far away from her now. “Dinner still sounds good though.”
“You are so annoying.” Alexia hopped down off of the bench and wandered over to you with a shake of her head, throwing her own ice pack down next to yours. “You know that?”
“It’s a love language. Get used to it.” 
The midfielder chuckled under her breath. Secretly, she hoped she was able to get used to it.
“Wait, what do I have to wear tomorrow?” Your eyes suddenly went wide in panic, staring up at Alexia like she held all the answers in the world.
“Well, it is just a football game and a walk, so whatever you are comfy in. Why?” 
“Because it’s a date, I don’t know what you expect me to wear.” You fretted. It had been a long time since your last date. And this was quite possibly the most important one so far.
“I have no expectations, cariño, just make sure you’re warm and comfortable.” Alexia brushed it off like it was nothing, a notion that silenced all those doubts once again. She had a real habit of doing that.
“Okay.” You nodded. 
You realised your close proximity then, noticing you were both quite close. There was one thing that came to mind, but it was surely too early for that. No matter how much you wanted it. One step at a time. Instead, you shyly held your arms out and looked up at her.
She immediately knew what you were after, and who was she to deny you of that. You melted into her embrace the second she invited you in, finally being able to relish in the comfort her hugs brought without overthinking it.
“You are quite oblivious, you know?” Alexia stated with a smirk to break the silence. 
“Shut up, you’re ruining it.”
You couldn’t sleep that night, you were way too excited for your date. You were like a giddy kid at Christmas, the smile didn’t leave your face for more than a second. Ingrid came around that night with the intention of checking up on you, but she never could have predicted what information she was walking back to her apartment with. When she found out, she thought she was excited, but Mapi, well, she was on a whole other level. Long story short, Bagheera didn’t surface from under the sofa until the Spaniard had long gone to bed. 
The game kicked off at 2pm, meaning from the second you woke up at 7am sharp, you had way too much energy. Nervous energy. But there was one thing you noticed immediately. You didn’t feel scared, or anxious, or like you wanted to totally avoid the whole situation altogether. You were excited. You woke up feeling like a normal girl going on a date with someone they liked. 
It was new. Refreshing. You felt light, you can’t remember the last time you felt that way about something that would normally freak you the hell out. Spending time with Alexia didn’t feel like a chore, the way it did sometimes with anyone in your life. Rather than draining your social battery, it stayed at the same level with her. If you were feeling especially burnt out one day, it didn’t seem so sickening to have Alexia’s company there like it was with the thought of anyone else. Your mind was peacefully empty when with her, unlike the fast-paced monologue that ran pretty much all hours of the day, even when you were asleep. 
For once in your life, you were going to be optimistic. Because the woman you were meeting had never given you any reason to be otherwise.
So when she knocked on your apartment door, opting out of firing a text your way to say she had arrived, the surprise of not only her presence but the bouquet in her arms was met with a bright smile from yourself. You immediately took them from her and bounded towards the kitchen area to tuck them safely into a vase. Alexia gazed at you the whole time, feeling her own sense of disbelief at the situation she had found herself in. Never could she have imagined falling for you like she had when she met you for the first time six months ago, but she was happier than ever because of it.
There was a beaming smile of her own on her face, and her eyes crinkled with unfiltered joy when you leaned up to kiss her cheek quickly, before rushing around the flat to get everything you needed. Sunglasses, your coat to go over the matching jumper and joggers you were wearing (Alexia did tell you to dress comfortably, after all), and a cap for good measure. Between you both, there was a distinct difference between the amount of clothing layers, something that made you laugh.
“What are you laughing at?” Alexia grumbled, watching you adjust your hair in the mirror after putting your hat on, huffing when it wasn’t agreeing with you.
“You look like you’re dressed for a Norwegian winter. It’s ten degrees.”
“That is cold for me, cariño.” She chuckled, before moving to stand between you and the mirror, and helping you to sort your hair how you wanted it. You blushed and lowered your hands, looking up at her with a shy smile as she worked. “There. You look cute. Cosy.”
“Thank you.” You hummed, cheeks aching from the intensity of your smile when Alexia took hold of your hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You look… warm.”
“Enough with your teasing, let’s go.” Alexia tutted, though she kept your hand in hers as the pair of you left your apartment. It wasn’t until you got to the car that you both reluctantly let go, shooting each other a bashful look before getting into Alexia’s car.
When you arrived at the stadium, both of you spent some time with the team in the locker room, and Alexia addressed them all quickly before you left to find your seats. You had full faith in the team, it was luckily just a league game that most of the younger members of the team would be playing anyway. To be honest, you were quite thankful to not be playing, because it had given way for something better instead.
The majority of the game was spent by both of you talking endlessly about football, both tactical discussions about the game and personal stories for you both. For Alexia, she spoke about how she came to love it so much and how it took her family’s relationship and togetherness to a whole new level. For you, you told her how playing football was the only job you could see yourself succeeding in. The system was routine-based, your work attire was a jersey and shorts, and you were indulging in your special interest everyday of the week. It was an autistic’s person dream to be able to do that, something you were grateful for every time you stepped onto a football pitch. Any other work environment, and you might not have survived. 
Alexia hung onto every word you said, just as you did for her. Learning more about each other was something you both took great interest in, because every detail about your past was how you had become the people you were today. Maybe it was too early to class it as such, but falling in love was a phenomenon that people took for granted nowadays. It’s rare, it’s special, and it’s beautiful. Two people, from entirely different backgrounds, leading unique lives with respective struggles and wins the other hadn’t experienced, only to go on and share every high and low together. Yeah, pretty special in your book. 
With you both being in view of the stadium’s crowd, you were mindful of the watchful eyes around. There was one exception though; during the later stages of the game, the other team had quite a fierce counter attack, something that had both you and Alexia on the edges of your seat. Though, as they neared the goal, the match was the last thing on your mind when Alexia’s hand landed on your knee in anxious anticipation. That hand didn’t move, even when Cata saved the shot with ease. Instead, she just settled back into her seat and turned to you with a deep breath out, the tension leaving her. Then she noticed what she’d done, but before she could retract it, you simply gazed up at her and put your hand on top of hers. 
It remained that way until the whistle blew a few minutes later, when you stood up to make your way down to the rest of the team. You got onto the pitch, Alexia and yourself splitting ways to go and talk to your other teammates. Two familiar faces came bounding over to you and before they even spoke, you could tell what they were going to say just by the smiles tugging at their lips.
“How’s it going?” Mapi asked, poking you in the ribs.
“It’s not gone anywhere yet, we were more focused on the game. But it’s been nice, really nice. It doesn’t feel much different to the other times we’ve hung out, is that good or bad?” You replied with a nervous chuckle, and you got your answer in the form of an excited squeal from Ingrid.
“That’s a good thing! That’s what it was like on our first date, right María?” Mapi nodded enthusiastically, giving you a double thumbs up for extra emphasis. “See! I’m sure you’re doing great, skatt, and I am so happy for you.”
“Me too, preciosa, so happy. Think of the double dates!” Mapi shook your arm vigorously at that, the three of you laughing.
“Let me get through the first one, then I’ll think about it.” That sobered the pair of them up as they nodded in a calmer manner, before they both surged forward to wrap you up in a hug.
“Oh- she’s coming, incoming.” Mapi whispered, pulling away and spinning you around.
“Shall we go, cariño? It might be busy there, so the sooner the better.” 
Just like that, you were being whisked away back into Alexia’s car. She drove to the market, which was decorated for the festive seasons, something you gasped at in awe the second you saw it. Alexia fought off a smile at your reaction which she found much more endearing than she thought she would, and she instantly knew it was a good idea to bring you here. Though you were flying back to Norway in a few days’ time for Christmas back at home, she had a feeling you were a bit more homesick than you were letting on, considering the vast difference in the season between Spain and Norway. Her plan to bring you here, not only for a date, but to cheer you up a bit, was already proving to work.
For a couple hours, you went from stall to stall with a childlike wonder, dragging Alexia along behind you with a tight grip on her hand that you said was just because of the busyness of the area, but both of you revelled in it secretly. That became the truth when you were walking away from the market, slowly heading in the direction of Alexia’s car, until she took you in another direction. Turns out, she was leading you to a beautiful walled garden you had no idea even existed, but the second you saw it you fell in love. Even if it may not have been as stunning as it usually was in the summer, it was still more than enough to capture your attention. 
“This is amazing, Ale, how did you know this was here?” You wondered, head on a swivel looking at each tiny detail, as if there wasn’t enough time in the world to admire its beauty.
One day, in the future, Alexia will reveal that that’s how she feels about you. There are layers to you, and she fears she won’t have enough time in her life to uncover and explore each one. You hold beauty in your physical features, that was the first thing she noticed about you, but it’s the grace of your heart and how you proudly wear it on your sleeve that she adores the most. It's the sparkle in your eyes when you ramble about the things you love most, the unabashed care you treat everyone with, your humour that constantly keeps her on her toes, the purity of your soul and how you have enough unconditional love to give to nearly every being on the planet. There’s plenty to love about you, but that still doesn’t feel like enough for her.
“I have lived here for most of my life, preciosa, I know Barcelona like the back of my hand.” She said, and maybe if you weren’t so oblivious, you might have seen the adoration present in her gaze.
“So you’re saying you know more places like this? And you’ve kept them a secret all this time?”
“Yes, I will show you them all, don’t worry.” She chuckled, slowly walking over to where you were stuck staring at an abundance of pansies in one area of the garden. “Those are Alba’s favourite.” 
“This whole place is my favourite. I love it, thank you for taking me here.” You turned your attention from the flowers and back up to Alexia, who didn’t seem to take any interest in her surroundings. She was just smiling down at you. “What are you smiling at?” 
“Hmm?”
“You’re just standing there, smiling. You haven't even looked around yet. What are you smiling like that for?” You asked in utter confusion. She was genuinely just stood there, perfectly still, seemingly lost in her thoughts, with a soft smile on her face that’s directed solely at you. Instead of answering, she laughs, to your annoyance. 
“I’m just happy, cariño. Happy to be here with you, on a date.” She answered, like it was the simplest thing in the world.
“Oh. Okay.” You said, hoping the dim lighting from the street lamp wasn’t enough for Alexia to see the blush on your cheeks. “I’m really happy too. I can’t believe you like me.”
You didn’t really mean to say that, but the words tumbled out of you regardless.
“Why do you say that?” Alexia questioned with a frown, deftly taking hold of your hands.
“I don’t know.” You mumbled, looking down as your feet fidgeted on the spot, kicking a stone away from underneath you. “I can be a lot, I guess.”
“Well, luckily for you, I have seen your ‘a lot’ and it’s enough for me. You don’t have to worry about that, I promise.” Alexia replied, earnesty clear in her voice. She leaned forward then, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Why do you put yourself down like that?”
“Because I want to be your girlfriend, but I want you to know what you’re getting into.” You told her, taking a slight step back. 
“Loving another human, that’s all I’m getting into.” She took a cautious step closer. “That little voice is taking over, cariño, take a breath with me and know that I’m not going anywhere.”
Trying to calm down is quite hard when there’s a beautiful woman in front of you being so kind that she makes your head spin. Or when she’s giving the softest forehead kisses in all of mankind and holding your hands with a delicateness you’ve never experienced. She’s not just holding your hands right now, she’s got your heart in the palm of her hands.
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” You blurted out, sharply stepping back from her again. 
“I know. You are the strongest person I’ve met, and you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. But who’s to say you can’t have someone by your side anyway?” She smiled like it was nothing. As if her words weren’t everything you’d ever wanted to hear. “Are you scared of me leaving?”
“Yes.” You whispered quietly, swallowing the lump in your throat and growing the confidence to look back up into her eyes.
“I’ve learnt a lot about you these past few months. Not a thing I now know has deterred me from you. I don’t think anything could. All I ask is that you take a chance and let me show you how much I adore and admire you. The feelings, the worries and doubts you have, they go both ways, cariño. I am worried that I might not be good enough for you and that I am not what you need. I am scared that I will get things wrong, and that I-”
You had heard enough, she’d proved her point.
You leant up on the balls of your feet, and kissed her. And she returned it almost instantly. Her hands dropped yours and landed on your hips, steadying you on your tip-toes. Yours wrapped around her neck, drawing her somehow closer. And just like everything had been so far with Alexia, it was easy. It was everything you dreamed of and more. Here, somewhere in Barcelona, not only had you made a life for yourself in just six months, you’d gained a new addition to it too. 
Alexia had taught you a lot in the short time you had known her. But there was one thing that stood out to you; she had unknowingly taught you, just through her actions, that love is accommodation and consideration. It’s knowing what the other needs, and being there when they need it. It won’t be 50/50 everyday, in your case there will be times where it’s 90/10, and there will be occasions that are the same for Alexia. Your struggles don’t define you, and Alexia’s don’t define her. You’re worth it, just as much as she is. Just as much as everybody else.
Just because you’re stuck with a label for the rest of your life, a disability that beats you down when you want anything but that, those don’t mean that everything has to be hard. The truth is, when a genuine connection is found, things can be easy. They can be peaceful. With Alexia, you feel seen, as if you’re being mirrored back to yourself. Now, by loving the right person, you realise that other people shouldn’t always make you feel exhausted, they shouldn’t be the reason why you retreat back into yourself, and most importantly they shouldn't make you feel like you’re impossible to love. 
Life will continue to try and break you down, there’s not a soul on earth that can entirely protect you from that, but having Alexia by your side, just like she said, can lessen the burden. After all, a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved, and joy shared is joy doubled. You have to live, you have to feel,  you have to love, you have to take risks. Because if you hadn’t done that all along, where would you be now?
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xomakara · 1 month
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Next Door To Forever
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SUMMARY |  You thought you would never see the guy you'd have a one night stand with but when you meet Haechan again at a club and when you find out he's your neighbor, you can't help but be intrigued by him.
PAIRINGS | Haechan x Reader
GENRE |  college!student!Haechan, college!student!Reader, Nerd!Haechan, college au, one night stand, smut,
CONTENT/WARNINGS | profanity/strong language, drinking, unprotected sex (wrap it up ya’ll!), fingering, dirty talk, oral sex (both male/female receiving/giving), public blowjobs, creampies, praise kink, pet names
RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+
LENGTH |  12,532 words
TAGLIST | @hisunflower
NETWORKS | @k-vanity @ksmutsociety
AUTHOR’S NOTE | Oh god, I hope this turned out okay. Maybe it's because I'm always the worst critic of my own work so I always never feel satisfied about it lol. Been awhile since I wrote a Haechan fic and lately, he (and Jaehyun) have been flooding my feed. I hope you all like it!
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After moving the last of your boxes into your spanking new place that would be yours for the next few years of school, you flop down on the bare mattress in the middle of the living room that the movers left there. You were just thankful that they set up the frame. You really weren't up to doing any more heavy lifting and the mattress was the only thing left to do before the moving van left.
Your new place was located in an apartment complex that was a good distance away from the main campus. It was perfect for you because you weren't fond of all the ruckus going on in the dorms. You were a junior so the thought of having to live in a crowded building full of underclassmen was less than ideal. Plus you really weren't interested in going through all the trouble of trying to get roommates. So you decided to take this opportunity to live alone and get an apartment of your own.
Apartment hunting was no joke and you had been at it for almost two weeks until you finally found this place. It wasn't too far from campus but the price was right and the size was just perfect for you. The rent was pretty reasonable and it wasn't in a bad neighborhood.
You sigh as you stretch yourself out and lay your head on the pillow. You didn't have a TV yet or any furniture besides a mattress, a couch and a coffee table. That would be something you'd have to take care of later. Your phone rings and you pull it out of your back pocket and check the caller ID. It's your parents and you know what they're calling about. They're still trying to convince you to let them help with the apartment.
"Hi, mom."
"Hi honey. How did the move go?" Your mom's voice sounds through the speaker.
"Good. It's finally over." You speak into the speaker and run a hand through your hair, sweeping your bangs back off your face.
"We wish we could have been there to help." Your mom sighs through the receiver.
"It's fine mom. I managed." You sit up on the bed.
"Are you sure?" Your mom insists.
"Yeah, it's not like I had a lot to bring with me." You say as a look around the large empty space, save for the boxes lining the wall and the mattress that you are sitting on.
"Do you need anything? Any furniture? Food?" Your mom offers.
"Food would be great, mom. Thanks." You respond, suddenly getting the realization that you were hungry and hadn't eaten anything since breakfast.
"Your father and I are sending you a care package with some food, toiletries and other things you might need." Your mom says.
"Thanks." You smile, looking forward to the package. "You don't have to, y'know." You add.
"Don't worry. We'll also send the money that we would have used for furniture. Just go and get what you want and don't worry about the cost." Your mother says.
"Really, mom?" You ask, almost in disbelief.
"Yes, it's not a big deal." Your mother adds.
"But mom, you and dad are retired. I don't want to use your retirement money." You argue.
"Your dad won't take no for an answer. Besides, your brother and sister-in-law are sending you some money too." She explains.
You sigh in defeat. Your mom and dad had always been stubborn and they were hard-headed when it came to taking care of their kids. You didn't want to fight it, especially since it would be pointless. "Alright, mom. But make sure you take money from Minhwan-oppa and Nari-unnie too. I don't want you and dad spending too much money on us. I want you guys to spoil yourself once in a while."
"That's very thoughtful of you, sweetheart. We will do that. I'll text you when we send the package." Your mother replies.
"Ok, thanks mom." You say gratefully.
"No problem. Love you, honey." She answers.
"Love you too." You finish the call with a smile and lean back on the bed to rest.
You hang up and lay there in silence. It had been a long day and you were exhausted. You had been packing and moving for the last few weeks and the stress was starting to get to you. You were ready for a break.
Your phone rings again. It's your brother, Minhwan.
"Hey, oppa."
"How are you holding up, Y/N?" Minhwan says into the receiver.
"Tired but otherwise ok." You muttered. "Did mom talk to you? She's been on my ass about sending money to me."
"She mentioned it but I told her I wanted to talk to you first." He answered.
"Thanks, oppa. I appreciate it." You sigh gratefully.
"So, do you need anything? Money, clothes, food, whatever? I'm sending you an additional package with mom's." Minhwan tells you.
"Well, yeah. I need food and toiletries and stuff. But, I don't want to ask too much of you and unnie." You admit.
"Don't worry, I'll talk to Nari and we'll make sure you get everything you need. And I mean everything." Minhwan emphasizes the last word.
"Oppa..." You murmur, catching his tone.
"It's ok. You're our baby sister. Let us do this. Don't worry, we're not hurting for money. I'm a doctor and Nari is a lawyer, remember?" He laughs.
"Ok, I guess. But don't spoil me too much. I'm not going to be independent if you keep spoiling me." You frowned. "At least spend it on mom and dad. Buy them a trip somewhere or something."
"We'll take care of that too." Minhwan said. "But the money will be going to you first."
"What? But-" You stuttered, stunned.
"I gotta go, Y/N. Nari's calling me." You heard the unmistakable sound of her voice on the other side.
"Oppa-"
"I'll talk to you later."
He hangs up before you can say anything else. You sigh and close your eyes. You could use a nap right now.
Your stomach growls loudly and you sit up and stretch. "Well, I can't go to sleep now. Not until I eat something."
You stand up and grab your wallet, then head downstairs to the nearest convenience store. The streets were pretty quiet and there was a slight breeze. You could smell the scent of spring in the air and hear the rustling of leaves in the trees. It was a beautiful night. You reach the corner and turn onto the street where the convenience store is located. There are a couple of other college kids hanging out around the front door. One of them calls out to you as you walk past.
"Hey, Y/N!"
You stop and turn to look at him. It's Mark, a friend of yours that's in the same program as you, that also lives in the same apartment building. "Hi, Mark."
"What's up? Where are you off to?" He smiles at you.
"I was just gonna get something to eat. I just moved into the building, you know." You laughed.
Mark's eyes widened. "Oh shit. Was today moving day? Man, I would have helped you."
You shake your head and smile at him. "It's cool, I had a moving service come in and do most of the work."
"Nice. Well, if you need anything, let me know." Mark said sincerely.
"Will do. Thanks." You let out a laugh.
"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Another one of your friends, Jaemin, approaches.
"Hey, Jaemin." You greeted. "We're just chatting. What are you doing here?"
"Getting some snacks for tonight. Jeno and I are watching horror movies at his place. Oh, wasn't today moving day for you? You wanna hang out with us later?" He asks excitedly.
"I'll pass. I'm tired and I still have stuff to unpack." You said, remembering the boxes stacked on top of each other.
Jaemin frowned. "Bummer. Maybe the gang will stop by and help you unpack."
You shake your head. "No thank you. I don't need Hendery and Yangyang causing a ruckus. Remember when we helped move into their place?"
Jaemin snorts. "How can I forget? The two were like monkeys, bouncing off the walls. Renjun almost got a black eye when Yangyang threw a shoe at him."
You laughed. "Yeah, that was pretty funny."
"Well, if you change your mind, give me a call. Or, if you're too tired, text me and we'll bring the movies over." Jaemin offered.
"Sounds like a plan." You smile.
Jaemin and Mark bid you farewell and you walk inside the convenience store. The fluorescent lights are bright and the music is too loud. You walk over to the frozen food section and pick out a few microwave dinners, a few bottles of water, and lots of instant ramen. You head to the cash register and pay for your food, then leave the store.
You make your way back to your apartment building and enter the elevator. The doors close and the elevator begins its ascent. The floor numbers blink as the elevator ascends and soon enough, the doors open again. You exit the elevator and head to your apartment. You keyed in your passcode and entered the small apartment. The lights were on and the air conditioner was working. You closed the door behind you and kicked off your shoes.
You put the microwavable meals and the bottle of water into the fridge, placed the bag of ramens on the counter and flopped onto the mattress that was still on your living room floor. You were exhausted. Moving was tiring but you needed to at least move your mattress unto your bed frame.
You laid there for a few minutes before getting up and dragging the mattress into the bedroom. You set it on top of the bed frame and began pushing the bed into the corner. It took a while but you eventually got it where you wanted it. You sat down and leaned against the wall, looking at the room. There were still a few boxes that needed to be unpacked but it was coming together. You felt satisfied and proud.
You stood up and headed to the kitchen. You grabbed a bottle of water and a packet of instant ramen. You poured the water into a pot and put the noodles in. You set the heat on high and watched as the water began to boil.
You looked around and sighed. You'd have to unpack more tomorrow.
You were too tired to think about it. You were ready to eat, take a shower, and crash for the night.
You took the pot off the heat and dumped the contents into a bowl. You rummaged around in one of the boxes that held your utensils and pulled out a pair of chopsticks. You sat down on the couch and began eating. After finishing the noodles, you went to take a shower. You stripped down and stepped into the bathroom. When you were done, you wrapped a towel around your body and headed to the bedroom. You rummaged through the boxes and found some clean underwear, a tank top, and a pair of shorts.
You put the clothes on and got into bed. It was only 8 pm but you were exhausted. You pulled the covers up and closed your eyes. You were asleep within minutes.
You wake up the next morning and check your phone. It was 9 am. You had a few messages and missed calls from your parents and siblings. You reply to their texts, telling them you were fine, and let them know that you were going to unpack.
You put your phone away and get out of bed. You go to the kitchen and start unpacking the rest of your dishes.
It takes you a couple of hours but you finally get everything in the apartment unpacked.
A knock is heard on your door, startling you. "Coming!"
You open the door and find Mark, Jaemin, and the rest of your friends standing in the hallway.
"Hey, guys." You say as you let them into your apartment.
"Yo, Y/N! What's up?" Renjun asks.
"Nothing much. Just finished unpacking." You tell him. The guys scan your apartment and whistle in surprise.
"That's good." Chenle says. "Need any help?"
You shake your head. "I'm good. But thanks for offering."
"Alright, well we're going out. Wanna come with?" Mark asked.
"Where to?" You furrowed your eyebrows.
"To a club. There's a new one that opened downtown and the guys are dying to check it out." Yangyang muttered.
"Dude, it's like noon. Isn't it too early for that?" You questioned him.
"That's why I'm saying we should go during the day. Less people, less lines." He reasoned.
"Hey, if we're gonna party, we gotta get there early. Gotta scope out the place and see if it's worth our time." Hendery smirked.
"Whatever." You rolled your eyes. "I'm gonna pass."
"Boo. Y/N, don't be a killjoy." Jisung whined.
"Do you hear something? Is the wind blowing or is it a ghost?" You ask, pretending to be surprised.
"Oh, fuck you, Y/N." Jisung retorted.
You burst into laughter and the others joined in.
"I can't believe you fell for that." You say, wiping tears from your eyes.
"You're the worst." He says, giving you the stink eye.
"Fine, I'll go with you all but come back at like 5 pm. I'm not going out at noon." You scoffed.
"Fine. Fine." They all muttered as they turned to walk away.
"And invite Jaehyun!" You called out.
"Boo! You just want to eye-fuck him all the time." Jaemin scoffed.
"So what?" You smirked. "He's hot. Can't blame me for appreciating a piece of fine man."
"Fine. I'll invite him. But don't get all touchy-feely with him." Mark frowned.
"Why? He's single. I'm single. What's the harm in having a little fun?" You retort.
"You're a player, Y/N." Mark sighed.
"You know it." You laughed.
"Just keep it PG-13, ok?" He says.
"No promises." You grin mischievously.
"Ugh. See you later." He says in defeat as he walks away.
They leave and you close the door. You spent a few hours organizing and rearranging your furniture and making sure that everything was in its proper place. You didn't have much to unpack.
You go to the bathroom and start getting ready for the night. You take a long hot shower and then blow-dry your hair. You put on some mascara and a light coat of lip gloss. You put on a tight black dress that showed off your curves and some black heels.
You check yourself in the mirror and are satisfied with the results. You grab your purse and head downstairs. Your friends are already there and are waiting for you.
"Hey, Y/N! Ready to get wild tonight?" Renjun smirked.
You raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm always ready."
"Cool, let's go!" Chenle said.
The group heads downtown and walks a couple of blocks until they reach the club. The bouncer checks their IDs and lets them in.
The music is loud and the place is packed. The lights are flashing and the entire floor is moving. The place is dark except for the light over the DJ and the bar. Everyone is moving and jumping to the music. You see some kids from campus.
You take a moment to breathe in the atmosphere. The smell of sweat and alcohol hits your nose. The room is hot and humid and the sound of the music seems to vibrate through the floor. The bass is heavy and it pounds against your chest. You can feel the energy in the air and the tension. There's something different about being in a place full of strangers. You feel invigorated, alive. It's intoxicating.
"I'll get us some drinks." Yangyang said.
"Me too." Hendery said.
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Renjun said.
"I'll come with." Jisung said.
"I'm gonna dance." Jaemin said.
"Me too." Chenle said.
"We'll find a table." Mark said. He grabbed your wrist. "Let's go."
The two of you push your way through the crowd and find an empty table near the back of the club.
"So, are you gonna try to hook up with Jaehyun tonight?" Mark asks.
"I might." You smirk. "Oh! Is that Ten over there?"
"You gonna try to hook up with Ten too?" Mark looks amused.
You shrug. "Maybe. Or Johnny. He's got some nice muscles, don't you think?"
"Y/N, you're unbelievable." Mark rolls his eyes.
"I'm a single girl with needs. Sue me." You laugh.
"I can't deal with you." Mark rolled his eyes.
You and Mark chat for a while, and then the others join you.
"Here, drinks." Yangyang hands out beers.
"Thanks." You grab a bottle and take a swig.
"Cheers!" Renjun says.
"To a fun night!" Hendery adds.
You all clink bottles and drink.
"Hey, I haven't seen Jeno around. Where is he?" You ask.
"He said that he's trying to drag someone out of hibernation." Jaemin rolled his eyes.
"Who?" Chenle quirked his brows.
"Haechan." Mark said, nursing a beer in his hand.
"Who?" You asked, confused.
"The guy who was with Jeno at the frat party. You remember him right?" He said, raising an eyebrow at you.
"I can't remember shit. I was wasted as fuck." You shrugged.
"Fair."
"So, where's Jaehyun?" You asked.
"Over there, talking to Ten." Yangyang pointed. "Hey! Where are you going?!"
The boys watched as you waved at them while you approached Ten and Jaehyun. They watched as Ten and Jaehyun gave you appreciative looks.
"She's unbelievable." Mark said, shaking his head.
"She's gonna hook up with both of them." Hendery stated, noticing the way Jaehyun snaked an arm around your waist.
"I bet she's gonna end up taking both of them home." Renjun scoffed.
"That's our Y/N. The best player in our group." Chenle sighed.
"What?" Jisung asked, confused.
"Nothing, Jisung. Let's just enjoy our night." Mark smiled.
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Haechan didn't want to be here. He didn't like parties and he hated being surrounded by drunk people. He felt suffocated in the sea of writhing bodies that were all trying to bump and grind against each other. The music was too loud and there was an almost unbearable smell of sweat in the air. The lights were low and the whole atmosphere seemed oppressive. There were strobing lights flashing on and off that only seemed to disorient people further.
"Why did I let you drag me to this place?" Haechan muttered as he looked around the club.
"Come on, dude. Live a little." Jeno smiled. "Drink some booze. Relax."
"I'd rather stay home and read." Haechan replied.
"Dude, you need to get laid. When was the last time you got some pussy?" Jeno asked as he nudged his friend in the arm.
"A few weeks ago, remember? At that frat party? The one where I got too drunk and had a one-night stand with someone." Haechan rolled his eyes.
Jeno pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to recall the incident that Haechan spoke of. After a moment of silent thinking, Jeno looked at his friend. "Ah. Yeah, I remember. You were a mess that night."
"Yeah, thanks for that." Haechan muttered. "I can't believe you and the guys know her."
Haechan thought back to the night of that wild frat party. Jeno had dragged him along when Haechan tried to study at his apartment. They had arrived at the frat house and were immediately given red solo cups. They had joined the party, the sounds of hip-hop music pumping in the background. Jeno had chatted up the sorority girls and disappeared from Haechan's side. Haechan was left standing at the edge of the room, wondering what he was doing at the party.
He had gotten lost and had bumped into you. The alcohol in his system had loosened his lips and he told you the embarrassing story of how he was dragged to the party. You laughed at him and teased him a bit but soon, you began flirting with him. It didn't take long before the two of you had ended up back at your dorm room.
It was a drunken mistake. He remembered waking up with a pounding headache, a hangover that was more painful than anything he had experienced, and his clothes and underwear scattered on the floor. It had taken him a moment to realize that he was in your dorm, and another moment to remember why. The memories were blurred and faint but it didn't take a genius to realize that he had sex with you. And it had been a rough one judging by the bruises he found on his back.
"I can't believe you don't know her." Jeno laughed. "She's been friends with Mark and Hendery for a damn, long time before she met Jaemin, Yangyang, Renjun and me."
"And now she's friends with Chenle and Jisung?" Haechan wondered out loud.
"Yeah. She's cool, bro. You'll like her." Jeno winked.
"I doubt it." Haechan muttered. "She doesn't seem my type."
"How would you know? You didn't even know her name." Jeno cackled.
"Shut the fuck up." Haechan huffed. "It was one time."
"Come on. I'll introduce you." Jeno chuckled, walking off.
"Wait, no. Dude, come on." Haechan trailed after him.
"I won't tell the others that you two hooked up." Jeno laughed as he grabbed Haechan's wrist and dragged him over to the table where you and the guys were seated. "Yo, Y/N! Guys."
"Jenoooooo!" You called out. You were obviously tipsy and a little bit buzzed. 
Renjun tried to wrestle the bottle from you. "Give it up, Y/N. You're done."
"Oh, come on! Don't be such a party pooper!" You whined.
"Dude, stop hogging the bottle." Hendery muttered.
"Hey, Jeno. Hey Haechan." Mark greeted.
"Sup, Mark." Jeno fist bumped his friend.
"Hey." Haechan greeted, a little shyly.
"Glad you're out and about Haechan." Renjun smirked.
"Stop drinking." Mark sighed as he took the bottle from your hands.
"Noooooooo." You whined.
"Y/N, you're drunk." Mark stated, matter-of-factly.
"I'm fine. Just a little tipsy." You giggled.
"How much have you had to drink?" Jaemin asked, his tone stern and serious.
"I don't know. A lot." You confessed.
"Give me the fucking bottle." Jaemin said.
"Dude, you're cut off." Mark declared.
"That's what I told her." Renjun scoffed.
"Aww, you're no fun, Mark." You pouted.
"Yeah, yeah. I know." Mark muttered. He turned to look at Haechan. "Thanks for showing up. You haven't met Y/N yet, right?"
Haechan gives you a quick glance before turning away, and pretends not to know you. He avoids meeting your gaze because the incident from the night of the frat party made him feel embarrassed. It was a spur of the moment thing and he hated losing control.
"Ohhhhhhh, so this is the guy you were trying to drag out of hibernation." You hugged Jeno but then you furrowed your brows. You leaned in to look at Haechan. "Wait...have we met before?"
"Uh, I don't think so." Haechan stammered.
"Are you sure?" You narrowed your eyes.
"Yeah." Haechan said a little bit too quickly.
"Huh, weird. I swear I've seen your face before." You peered at the handsome face and then it dawned on you. Those eyes, those lips, the moles on his face and neck, the shape of his nose. It all clicked. Your eyes widened and the liquor-infused brain of yours recalled what happened that night. How he had felt inside you, how he had begged for your pussy, and how he had given you a world-changing orgasm. It all came back to you.
"Oh my god." You muttered.
"What?" Jeno asked.
"We've fucked." You said out loud.
"I'm sorry, what?" Haechan gawked at you, shocked.
"You're the guy that I hooked up with a few weeks ago." You said, realization dawning on you.
"Dude, Y/N, shut the fuck up." Mark muttered in disbelief.
"What the fuck?" Hendery gawked at his friends, confused. "You two hooked up?"
"How do you know it's Haechan?" Renjun asked.
"Like I would forget that beautiful constellation of moles." You muttered. "It's him. No doubt about it."
"Dude." Mark gave Haechan a look.
"Dude." Jaemin also gave Haechan a look.
"Dude." Hendery also gave Haechan a look.
"Dude." Chenle and Jisung gave Haechan a look.
"What?" Haechan asked.
"When the fuck were you gonna tell us you hooked up with a chick from our group?" Yangyang questioned.
"You guys were never supposed to find out about that." Haechan deadpanned.
"Well we know now and we're all very interested to hear the story." Yangyang grinned.
"Not gonna happen." Haechan retorted.
"Boo. So uncooperative." Yangyang pouted.
"Hey, I was drunk. I don't remember anything from that night." Haechan defended himself. "Besides, I've never met her before until today. She's not part of our group. So why should I have told you?"
"Bro." Jeno looked at him.
"Bro." Mark also looked at him.
"Bro." Hendery also looked at him.
"Bro." Yangyang and Jaemin also looked at him.
"Guys, shut up. I don't want to talk about it." Haechan muttered as he tried to walk away.
"Wait." You grabbed his wrist.
"What?" Haechan paused.
"Can we talk? Preferably far away from these idiots." You said, glaring at your friends.
"Hey!" Everyone objected.
Haechan sighed, not having much of a choice. "Um, ok."
You get up and Haechan follows. You drag him outside and head over to a bench. Sitting down, you looked at the random people milling around the club. The vibe was completely different from a couple of hours ago and you welcomed the change.
"So..." You begin.
"So..." Haechan mutters, looking everywhere but at you.
"I didn't mean to put you in an awful position like that." You said, looking down at your lap. "When I start drinking, I tend to lose control and I don't know how to filter what comes out of my mouth."
"It's fine. Really." Haechan shrugged. "It's not your fault. Besides, it was a one-time thing."
"Yeah." You nodded. "We were both drunk. We didn't know what we were doing."
"Mhm." Haechan hummed.
There was an awkward silence.
"Hey, look." You began. "I don't want this to be a weird situation. We both have a past and it was just a one-night stand. What happened, happened and we can't change that. We hang out in the same social circles and sure, this is the first time I've officially met you but that doesn't change the fact that I have a connection with you, in a way."
"I guess." Haechan shrugged.
"I'd like to be your friend. Would that be ok with you?" You asked, nervously.
"Yeah, sure." Haechan nodded.
"Cool." You smiled.
"Cool." Haechan said, a hint of a smile on his face.
"Hey, um, would you like to go somewhere else and just chill? I kind of don't want to go back in there and hear the guys talk shit." You laughed nervously.
"I don't blame you." Haechan lets out a small laugh. "They're a weird ass bunch."
"You can say that again." You chuckled.
"Where do you want to go?" Haechan asked.
"Let's go to a coffee shop. I need to sober up a little." You replied.
"Coffee sounds good." Haechan nodded.
"Great." You stand up and start walking away. "Let's go."
"Uh, ok." Haechan gets up and follows you.
You two walked side-by-side and talked about random things.
"I have to ask." You began. "How are you a friend of Jeno and the rest? I've been friends with Mark and Hendery since we were kids and we became close to Jeno, Jaemin, Yangyang, and Renjun through college. I know Chenle and Jisung because they're sophomores and they hang out with Renjun and Yangyang. But how the hell do you fit in all of this? You don't really seem like the partying type."
"I'm not. Jeno dragged me to the club." Haechan said. "And as for why I'm friends with the guys, we met through a gaming app and then we met in real life and we just hit it off."
"Wow. I would've never expected you to be the gaming type." You chuckled.
"I'm a nerd." Haechan shrugged.
"Well, I don't think that's a bad thing." You replied.
"It's not?" He asked, surprised.
"Nope. I think nerds are super cool. And it's good that you have a passion. Even if it's gaming. And, I'm not saying that gamers are losers or anything. That's just my personal opinion." You clarified.
"Thanks." Haechan gave you a small smile. "I appreciate that."
"Anytime." You grinned.
The two of you continued walking, enjoying each other's company. After a few minutes, you arrived at the coffee shop.
"This is the place." You said as you opened the door.
"Cool." Haechan followed you inside.
You ordered your drinks and then found a table near the window. You're really glad you found this shop. It's cozy and warm, the smell of coffee is inviting, and the interior is very comfy, reminding you of an old coffee house in an old tv show.
"This place is nice." Haechan said as he looked around.
"Yeah, it's one of my favorite places to hang out." You replied.
You both sipped your coffee and made small talk. Haechan couldn't help but look at you every now and then.
"What?" You asked, catching him staring.
"Sorry." Haechan blushed. "It's just that, um, you're really pretty."
"Really?" You raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah." Haechan muttered and took a sip of his drink. "Sorry, was that too forward?"
"No, no, not at all." You said, blushing a bit. "I'm just not used to hearing that."
"Really? I've been seeing people checking you out at the club." Haechan blurted out.
"They were probably drunk and not thinking straight." You waved it off.
"Maybe. Or maybe they just have good taste." Haechan smiled.
"Maybe." You smiled back.
Haechan let out a small smile. "You're different from what I expected."
"Different how?" You asked.
"I didn't think someone as outgoing as you would be interested in someone like me." Haechan said.
"What do you mean by that?" You tilted your head.
"I don't know, I just figured you'd be more into the popular crowd. You know, the athletes and the rich kids. Not the nerds and the losers." Haechan muttered.
"I used to be a nerd too, you know." You laughed. "Way before I started partying and dating and all that. Back in middle school and high school, I was the definition of a nerd. I had braces, glasses, wore sweaters, and kept my hair in braids."
"Really?" Haechan couldn't believe it.
"Yes. But once I got to college, I wanted to reinvent myself and try new things. And so I did. But just because I like partying and going to clubs and bars, it doesn't mean I can't still be a nerd and have my own nerdy interests." You took a sip of your coffee. "Sure, folks see me as that wild girl or the one who gets around. But they don't see the whole picture. And besides, I like to think that everyone has layers to them and it's just a matter of finding those layers."
"That's true." Haechan said. "I never thought of it that way."
"What about you? You're the type of guy that I never thought would be friends with the guys. Jeno is a party boy and the rest are just wild." You mused.
"I know." Haechan chuckled. "But when you have something in common with someone, you just click."
"True." You agreed.
"They're good people though. Even though I want to stay in and play video games all day, they managed to drag me out of my shell." Haechan says, smiling softly. "They make me feel included and that I belong somewhere. I appreciate that."
"That's good." You said, smiling. "So I know Jeno dragged you to the frat party and all, but did you have fun at least?"
"Yeah, I guess. The food was good." Haechan jokes, laughing lightly.
"The food was the best." You agreed.
"I'll admit, I wasn't a fan of the loud music and the crowds." He shrugged.
"That's understandable." You nodded. "It was a frat party. They're all the same."
"True." Haechan laughed. "I don't think I would've stayed long if it weren't for the food and the alcohol."
"You're a lightweight." You teased.
"I am not." Haechan pouted.
"Sure, sure." You laughed.
You and Haechan continue to chat for a bit and eventually, you two have finished your coffee.
"So, are you ready to go back?" You asked.
"If you are." Haechan said.
"Not really, to be honest." You chuckled, making the boy smile. "I kind of wanna stay here and just be away from the guys. And talk to a cute boy. Or am I being too forward?"
"Uh." Haechan was shocked and blushed a little.
"I guess that was a bit too much, huh?" You felt embarrassed. "Let's just go back."
"Wait." Haechan took your wrist.
"Huh?" You were surprised by the sudden action.
"I wouldn't mind talking to you longer." Haechan admitted.
"Really?" You asked.
"Yes." Haechan blushed again and turned away, muttering.
"Ok, then." You were laughing and Haechan couldn't help but stare. The way your eyes lit up when you laughed. It was mesmerizing.
"Come on." You stood up. "Let's go. We have all the time in the world to talk."
Haechan's lips tugged upwards and he stood up too. He walked with you outside. You kept on looking at Haechan and then suddenly stopped and paused, biting your lip. Haechan caught your action and his breath hitched.
"Are you ok?" Haechan's breath was haggard.
"Maybe we should go back to the club..." You suggested.
"Are you going to drink?" Haechan tilted his head.
"Hell no. I'm done drinking for tonight." You shook your head.
"Good." Haechan smirked. "Because I have an idea."
"Oh?" You raised an eyebrow.
"You said you're a nerd. And I happen to be a nerd as well. Why don't we hang out and play some games?" Haechan suggests.
"I'd like that." You grin.
"Cool." Haechan smiled. "Come on. My place isn't too far."
You made your way to his place, noticing the familiar signs and landmarks. This all looked too familiar, and not just because you're drunk. This is the path you've walked on countless times before. In fact, it led straight to your own home.
"Hey, I didn't know you live in this complex." You pointed out.
"Oh, yeah." Haechan scratched the back of his neck.
"I live here too." You grinned.
"No way." Haechan was surprised.
"Yes, way." You laughed. "I just moved here a few days ago."
"I had no idea." Haechan remarked.
"I guess fate works in mysterious ways." You shrugged.
"That's for sure." Haechan agreed.
The two of you continue walking, enjoying the night breeze.
"I'll admit, I was nervous when Jeno dragged me to the club earlier." Haechan said. "But I'm glad he did. I never would've gotten to know you otherwise."
"Same." You smiled.
The two of you made your way to the elevator. Once the doors closed, you couldn't help but take notice of how close you were standing to each other. Your shoulders were brushing and you could feel the heat radiating off his body.
"It's weird how we live in the same building and we didn't know each other." You mumbled.
"Well, now we do." Haechan gave you a shy smile.
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. You blinked a few times and stared at the hallway that you knew quite well.
"This is my floor." You muttered.
"Yeah, this is my floor too." Haechan said. He pointed to his door. "I'm down that way."
"No way! We're neighbors." You said with a surprised face. "I'm right next to you!"
"Are you serious?" Haechan laughed and shook his head in disbelief.
"Yeah! Now we really have no excuse to not be friends." You said, nudging his side.
You and Haechan looked at each other, both trying to hide the smiles on your faces.
"No wonder I've been hearing noises in the apartment next to mine." Haechan muttered. "It was you."
"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I've been moving a lot of things in and there's a lot of noise." You rubbed the back of your neck.
"It's fine. I'm used to loud noises." Haechan says, waving off your apology.
"I promise I won't disturb you too much." You assure him.
"No, no. It's fine." Haechan said, a smile tugging on his lips. "I actually don't mind."
"You sure?"
"Positive."
You smiled.
"So...would you like to come in?" Haechan asked.
"Sure." You said.
You and Haechan walked towards his door. You waited as he unlocked it.
"Welcome to my humble abode." He said.
"Thanks." You said as you entered his apartment.
The first thing you noticed was that it was very clean and organized. The second thing you noticed was the massive television screen that covered the entire wall.
"Wow." You said. "This is awesome."
"Thanks." Haechan smiled.
"You have a really cool set up." You said as you took in all the details.
"It's all I have. My life revolves around gaming, after all." Haechan said.
"Ok, what are we gonna play?" You asked.
"Why don't you pick something out?" Haechan gestured to his bookshelf. "There's a bunch of games over there."
"Really?" You walked over.
"Yeah, sure. Anything you like." Haechan said as he removed his jacket.
You went to his bookshelf and checked out the various titles. There were a lot of game titles you've seen before and even more that were unfamiliar to you.
"Hmm, how about this one?" You said as you pulled a case from the shelf.
"Oh, that's a good one." Haechan smiled.
You spent the night playing games and having fun. At one point, you were both so immersed in the game that you forgot how late it was.
"Oh my god, it's three in the morning." You gasped.
"Oh, wow." Haechan looked at his watch. "Time flies when you're having fun."
"Yeah, it does." You nodded.
"Do you want to crash here?" Haechan offered.
"Sure." You nodded. "Too tired to go to my place even though it's next door."
"Alright." Haechan laughed. He stood and made his way to his bedroom and returned with blankets and a pillow. He put them on the couch. "You can have the bed."
"No, no. I'll take the couch." You said, feeling guilty about taking his bed.
"Nuh-uh, I'll be fine on the couch."
"Haechan." You stood up, planting your hands on your hips. "I can't let you sleep on the couch in your own apartment."
"Why not?" Haechan shrugged.
"Just- It's not right." You didn't know how to explain without sounding stupid.
"I'll be fine." Haechan reassured you.
"Are you sure?" You asked, worrying.
"Positive." Haechan said.
Without a fight, you didn't argue any further. He led you to the bedroom. It's simple and cozy. Nothing super fancy, but the furniture is modern and stylish. It also smells of him. That familiar musk and sweet scent, which oddly relaxes you. He has a queen-size bed, a couple of posters hung up on the wall, and a desk and a chair.
"So, goodnight." Haechan says before he turns off the lights. "Sleep well."
"Night." You smiled.
Haechan turned off the lights and went to sleep. You stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep. You were so excited and happy to finally have met Haechan. You were also curious about him and couldn't wait to learn more.
As you slowly drifted off to sleep, you smiled, thinking about your new neighbor.
And how the two of you will be spending a lot of time together from now on.
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"So you ended up spending the night at his place?" Mark asked hours later as you met up with him and Hendery after your afternoon classes ended.
"Yeah." You nodded, unable to hide the exhaustion from your face.
"And you're saying you stayed up late playing games and not fucking?" Hendery asked, his eyebrows raised.
"We just played games." You shook your head.
"And nothing happened?" Mark tilted his head, questioning.
"Nothing." You shrugged.
"Damn, girl." Mark laughed. "Who are you and what happened to Y/N?"
"I don't know." You sighed.
"Did you like him?" Hendery asked as he opened his soda and chugged it down.
"Yes. But I'm not gonna do anything about it." You shrugged.
"Why not?" Mark asked.
"I'm not that kind of girl." You shrugged.
"You are." Mark and Hendery said in unison.
"Look, I'll admit that I have a reputation, but I'm not the kind of girl that goes for every guy she sees. And besides, Haechan and I had a really great time last night." You shrugged.
"Aww, look at our little Y/N being all mature and responsible." Mark said, pretending to cry.
"Shut up, Mark." You scoffed.
"You're growing up, Y/N." Hendery wiped away a fake tear.
"Just shut up. Both of you." You rolled your eyes, walking faster. Your friends just laughed and teased you even more.
Meanwhile, Haechan is spending the day trying not to think of you. But how can he when you're literally the only thing he's ever thought of?
Haechan knows it's stupid of him to believe you two were destined to meet. And yet, after one night of passion, the universe decided to play a trick on him and place you in the same building, mere inches away from each other.
Haechan didn't really expect anything the morning after, although he had a pretty nice time with you last night. But when he wakes up the morning after, the first thing he thinks of is how he wants to see you again, even though the two of you are not even dating and your one night of passion might be just that.
There's just something about you that draws him in and makes him want to be around you more. And the funny thing is, it wasn't just a physical attraction. No, Haechan wants to learn more about you. Wants to hear you talk about whatever you're passionate about. Even if that meant hearing you ramble on about something he barely understood or even didn't know.
However, being the shy nerd he is, Haechan has no idea how to act and what to say to you. He doesn't want to come off as needy or pushy, but at the same time, he wants to spend more time with you. He knows how you like it loud and wild and how much fun it is for you when people are around. But he's seen that side of you and you know the person behind those glasses. The real person who's a nerd, just like him.
He remembers the conversation you had with him the night before as clear as day. About you once being a nerd and how people didn't know about your gaming skills and interests. He can't help but find you more attractive when he's learning more about you. Your nerdy interests, the way you play video games, your humor. And he loved the fact that the two of you can bond over those things. It made him feel special, like it wasn't easy to come by. He's usually the first one to shy away from most people, but not with you.
A loud ring echoed through the air as Haechan snapped out of his thoughts and stared at his laptop.
"Sorry about that." Jeno quickly picks up his ringing phone, trying not to disturb his friends. "Hello?"
Haechan watches as Jeno walks away while on the phone. Jaemin, Renjun and Yangyang are too engrossed in their game, barely paying attention to him. Haechan decided that now was the best time for him to talk with them. "Guys, I need some advice."
"About what?" Renjun asks.
"Is it about Y/N?" Jaemin asks without missing a beat.
"What?" Haechan gasped. "How did you—"
"It's written all over your face." Jaemin deadpanned.
"Oh."
"Come on, just spit it out." Renjun nudged him. "Do you like Y/N? Because she has that effect on most of our male species, let alone on guys from other colleges."
"I mean...you guys like her, right?" Haechan hesitantly asked, his face heating up.
"Yeah. But it's not like we're gonna fuck or anything." Yangyang asked, clearly confused.
"She's a free spirit." Jaemin smirked. "She can do whatever and whoever she wants."
"I don't...look I just..." Haechan let out an exasperated breath.
"Yeah, yeah. Let's just hear it." Jeno returned as soon as he hung up.
Haechan looks at each of his friend's faces, trying his best not to blush.
"Well," He says, fidgeting with his sleeves. "It's...it's just that Y/N is awesome." He stammers.
"No shit." Jeno chuckles.
"No, really!" Haechan exclaims. "And last night was so much fun with her."
"Did y'all fuck again? You were in such a good mood this morning, it wouldn't surprise me at all." Renjun says.
"No, we didn't!" Haechan shakes his head. "We spent the entire night playing games."
"Oh, I was about to tease you so hard, man." Renjun fake cries.
"Well, I liked hanging out with her and we played games all night, but there was nothing sexual or anything like that." Haechan said quietly.
"Oh." All of them speak in unison. They exchange confused glances and turn their attention back to the gamer before them.
"How can someone be that cute, man?" Haechan pouted.
The guys blinked.
"What?" Haechan furrows his brow.
"Haechan...you're okay, right? Like, mentally, are you okay? Physically?" Jaemin asked as he reached over to place his palm against the nerd's forehead. "Are you sick?"
"Yes. Yes. Yes. And yes, Jaemin, I'm fine. No, I'm not sick, thank you very much. No fever." Haechan slapped Jaemin's hand away.
"Seriously, man. We haven't seen you this cheerful and all smiles ever since...ever." Jeno furrowed his eyebrows at Haechan, confusion written all over his face.
"I have to make sure, dude. Because this isn't like you. You don't fall for people this easily. Especially after one night, mind you. And I've never seen you like this...ever." Jaemin shook his head at him.
"Come on." Renjun spoke for the first time. "Tell us everything and we can give you some feedback."
"Uh..."
"And be detailed." Jeno winks.
Haechan let out a long sigh before he explained everything that happened last night. How you both went to get coffee,  going back to his apartment, finding out that you were neighbors, playing and talking about video games, and crashing at his place. He even explained what happened this morning where the both of you said goodbye.
Once he finished explaining, his friends all stared at him in disbelief.
"Wow..." Jeno shook his head. "So, no sex, huh? Really?"
"Really. That's the first thing you ask?" Haechan asked incredulously. "Yes, really! For once, I wasn't the nerd that sat on his ass while playing games. For once, I had a good time! What, am I supposed to have sex every time I go out?"
"No, but—" Jeno starts.
"Listen. When Y/N and I were playing, I couldn't stop smiling. I had the time of my life with her and she made me feel great, and not because I got laid." Haechan looks at his hands and sighs. "What I'm trying to say is that I haven't felt that way in a long time. Just knowing that she's here, just an inch away and not at the club where there are a thousand other guys waiting for the same treatment. I couldn't have it any other way. Does that make sense?
Renjun smacks Jeno upside the head before anyone can respond to the question. "Dude, Haechan has a crush!"
"Ow. And finally. Took him long enough." Jeno grunted and rubbed the spot. "Now we can tease him even more."
Haechan blushed profusely. "I-I wouldn't call it a crush. Just because we had a good time. Like, yeah, she's hot, and a gamer and super chill, but—"
"Did you just call Y/N hot? Damn, you really are gone." Jaemin said.
Haechan slapped Jaemin's arm. "Shut up."
"But, like, have you ever considered that this could work?" Renjun asked.
"Have I...what?" Haechan started.
"Look." Yangyang says. "You guys fucked before. You guys are neighbors now. You guys clearly have the same interests. Kinda. And you are both available. Plus, you two seem to have this connection. So why not give it a shot?"
"Yeah." Jeno said as he took a sip of his coffee. "Besides, it'll keep you out of your bedroom."
"Or get you stuck inside a bedroom." Renjun snickered.
Haechan shoots him a death glare but doesn't say anything.
"What are you guys planning to do now? Just hang out? Play video games? Do the do?" Jaemin asked, smirking. "Just try to enjoy the rest of the semester and have fun with her. Who knows? It might even lead to more."
"Yeah." Renjun shrugged. "Besides, it doesn't hurt to get closer. You're both single. Might as well shoot your shot."
"Yeah, okay. Sounds fair." Haechan sighed. "Thanks for the advice, guys."
"Yo, that reminds me." Yangyang's face lights up as he opens his backpack and pulls out a pair of tickets. "Haechan, why don't you take Y/N to this?"
Haechan eyes the tickets suspiciously. "What is it?"
"It's a local convention. All these nerds are coming out. You know, for video games and comics and shit. If Y/N likes these things, then this is a perfect date." Yangyang smiles.
"I guess it's pretty interesting." Haechan picks up a ticket to examine the details. He tried not to smile at the thought of seeing you there. "Do you really think Y/N would enjoy going there?"
"Maybe, I don't know. What's stopping you from asking her though?" Yangyang asked as he raised his eyebrows.
Haechan looks down at the tickets and then to Yangyang's face, a slow smile spreads on his face. "Thanks, dude. You're right. It wouldn't hurt to invite her."
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You let your gaze wander as you glanced at the crowd and wondered when was the last time you attended something like this. A comic convention filled to the brim with cosplayers and hardcore geeks and nerds. Some fans even had merch with their favorite characters, while others just came for the sake of it and maybe even for a date or two.
You caught a few people from your college as they had fun and watched a panel on some show or another, while some of them are doing some sort of art, reading a book or checking out the games that are in store. There is even a special guests section in one corner. You shook your head in disbelief, thinking how lucky you were that Haechan even let you tag along, seeing that it was usually impossible for you to buy tickets these days, seeing that the queue to get these is always filled and you are lucky enough to even have the chance.
Your gaze moves from the crowds around you to the person standing next to you, or rather the person you are currently leaning onto. You see that his eyes are also roaming around the crowds and that the people next to him are chatting, not paying attention to you.
"See? Didn't I say that it would be awesome to have you here with me? So far, we haven't even had any awkward conversation and we aren't bored, like my friends were yesterday. It's totally worth getting out of my apartment." Haechan exclaimed, a huge grin on his face.
You couldn't help but smile and give him a side eye, glancing at his side profile. Haechan is kind of adorable, with his big, thick, round, black glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles and the dimples that are displayed every time he opens his mouth or when he speaks. It makes your heart skip a beat and butterflies erupt from the pit of your stomach. His pink, soft and full lips are also incredibly kissable and make him look very sweet and innocent.
"Totally, Haechan. We could stay here forever." You say with a laugh.
"You think?" His eyes sparkle with amusement.
"I know." You bump his shoulder playfully. "Maybe we should come here together the next time one of these comes by. What do you think?"
"Definitely." Haechan says eagerly, smiling widely.
"Cool. But since this is just the first time that we've come here together, what do you want to do now, Haechan? Go shopping or take pictures? Or maybe we can watch a couple of the shows in the main hall. I bet you are really looking forward to this." You ask while pointing to one of the posters in the convention area.
Haechan thought for a moment before replying, "To be honest, I would have loved to see some panels. But we can shop too. How about you? Are there any artists you are interested in?"
"Sure." You agreed, looking back at him with a smile on your face, "It's totally okay to want to go and have fun. As long as we don't get lost, let's shop for whatever. I'm cool with anything, Haechan."
"Alright," he agrees, letting you continue leading the way.
"Hmm...Should we go and see what this year has to offer?"
The two of you start walking around and look at all of the new books that have been published, including the special ones with artwork in them. Some of those are signed, which is a huge bonus to collectors or those who can afford it. After a while, the both of you decide on the comics that interest you the most and buy two copies of each to make it easier. You also pick up a few books for your respective shelves in your apartment, the ones that you are sure will be treasured.
You wandered to a booth that was selling some adult content and flipped through a few comics. You bit your bottom lip as you read a pretty steamy scene on the page that you flipped open and imagined you and Haechan doing the same positions as the characters on the page.
"Found a comic that caught your interest?" You look up to find a smiling Haechan standing next to you.
"What?" You raise one brow and look over at the comic before placing it back on the table and walking a short distance away. Haechan watches you walk away but grabs the same comic that you put back down and flips the pages. Once he lands on the page that caused you to bite your bottom lip, he understands why you put it back down.
He blushes deeply as his eyes scan the steamy artwork.
He shut the book closed. "Um...are you ready?" He calls out, holding the book tightly.
"I'm almost ready," you tell him as you approach him, placing a few comic books in your shopping basket, "I need to decide between the second one or the third one."
Haechan grabs the adult comic and tosses it in the basket without you noticing and leads you to the cashier to purchase it. You never noticed and you were never aware that it was in your basket. Haechan was so stealthy that he managed to pay for the whole basket before you even noticed.
After walking for a while, you needed to use the restroom and pulled Haechan with you. Luckily you found a restroom with no stalls and after pulling Haechan into the room, you locked the door behind the both of you. Once he realized that there were no stalls, he turned red with embarrassment.
"Did you drag me in here because of that adult comic?" He questioned, fidgeting his hands in front of him nervously, biting his lip.
"Maybe. I saw that you picked it up while I was grabbing my things. Thought you were sneaky, huh?" You smiled as you walked up to him and grabbed hold of his hand, pressing it against your stomach. "Haechan?" 
You looked into his brown eyes as you pushed his fingers down under the waistband of your skirt. He sucked in a breath.
"Do you...uh..want to try it out?" You asked while grabbing the belt loop on his jeans.
"Try it out..." he repeated slowly. "Like right now?"
"Well...I mean...we're here..."
He was silent for a minute before looking back up at you. "...yes" he nods.
You pushed him to sit on the closed toilet seat and drop to your knees in between his spread legs. You stare up at his innocent expression.
"Fuck, I can't believe we're doing this in a public restroom," Haechan said, watching you slowly unbuckle his pants. You smirked, knowing exactly what he was getting at.
"What? Are you shy?" You ask softly.
Haechan narrowed his eyes, and you unzipped his jeans, pulling them down, along with his boxers. Then you raised your eyes and gave his crotch a quick glance, noting the size, girth, shape, color. When he noticed the way you were admiring him, he tried to hide his reaction, but ended up covering his face with his left hand.
"Haechan...we've already done it." You point out.
"Not with the lights on and with both of us sober..." he muttered under his breath.
"Shh..." you cooed gently, reaching for his length and stroking gently.
"We could get caught," Haechan murmured, still peeking down at you from his hand.
"I locked the door, it's okay."
"I don't think..." he mumbled again as he began to squirm.
His penis was growing in your grip as it hardened. Haechan shuddered when your thumb rubbed along the tip.
"Still embarrassed?" You ask quietly, kissing the base of his penis. You hear him take a shaky breath as you kiss all along his length, feeling his thighs tense as he tries not to move too much. He's holding back. You liked that.
"Yes," he responds a little breathlessly, and you lick the slit at the top of his dick, "Oh fuck," he murmurs and you hear the sound of his head hitting the tile wall behind him. You take the head in your mouth and begin to suck, sliding down his length inch-by-inch until he's deep in the back of your throat. His hand slides around the back of your head. His breathing becomes irregular and he moans as you begin to bob up and down.
Haechan didn't moan, or whisper encouragement, or try to control your motions with his hand, like you've experienced with past sexual partners. He allowed you to set the pace and you sucked and licked at your own speed, while he made quiet moaning noises as if he was trying to stay quiet but couldn't help himself. That drove you to push yourself harder, try to make him lose control. You wanted him to cry out, to grab the back of your head and make you swallow his entire cock as he exploded down your throat. You were almost aching as you swallowed around his cock.
It wasn't until you moaned quietly with his penis filling up your mouth and his tip hitting the back of your throat that Haechan moaned louder and gripped onto the back of your head.
"Ugh, Y/N." He groaned your name, tightening his grip and making your head bounce a little faster than you were before.
"Don't stop, god, you're gonna make me..." his hips suddenly rocked up into your mouth as he held your head there and you felt his body tense and his cock began to throb as he came in the back of your throat.
Haechan held you there and released in several spurts, nearly hitting your gag reflex at the back of your throat, but not enough to cause it. When you felt his hold lessen and his penis beginning to soften, you finally swallowed his semen. Then, you let his penis slowly slide out from your mouth with an audible 'pop.'
Looking up at Haechan, his cheeks flushed pink and his eyes half lidded and staring into the space above your head, he looked blissful and happy. That caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach and the beginnings of arousal to settle in between your legs.
Pulling his boxers and his jeans up, Haechan sits up a bit and blinks and the world comes back into focus.
"That..." he said.
You grinned cheekily. "Good?"
Haechan leaned down and pecked you quickly before whispering, "Thank you."
Your heart skipped a beat at the sweetness of that action. He really is adorable, you thought.
"Let me return the favor in the car, okay?"
You could only nod, knowing your panties are already soaked and wanting to ride his cock already.
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A week after attending the convention, the two of you are hanging out in your apartment. You and Haechan are seated side by side and are currently gaming, sitting with each other in your living room. You are watching the TV screen and pressing the buttons on the console's gamepad, immersed in the game. On the television, you are fighting a boss battle against an over-sized monster. You and Haechan sit silently as the fight plays out, neither one of you daring to talk as the game has become quite intense. After a few more minutes pass, the big, final boss is defeated and you let out an exhale, throwing your controller beside you with an exasperated grunt.
"Fuck." You say, with a mixture of happiness and frustration. The game was fun, but frustrating. Haechan nods in agreement as he removes his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly.
"Wonder what Mark and the others are doing right now?" You asked.
Haechan opened his phone and scrolled through the list of messages. "Looks like they're headed to another frat party. Wanna join?"
"Nope. Early lecture tomorrow." You mutter. "And I was kind of hoping to spend some time with a cute nerd," You said and placed a small kiss on Haechan's nose.
"Good, cause I was really hoping to get to know that cute girl better." He whispers, smiling. You felt butterflies flutter in your stomach at his confession and your lips couldn't help but tug up into a grin.
You settled in to watch a film, Haechan had chosen some B rated comedy that you'd already seen ten times.
Halfway through the movie you felt his arm circle your shoulders and instinctively moved into his body, curling your legs up, wrapping your arms around his waist. His warmth and scent, instantly comforting, reminding you how safe you felt when wrapped up in his embrace. You hadn't realized, as your focus drifted onto how good it felt having him near you, how comfortable it was just to sit with him like this, that the feeling was returned in kind. His body relaxed a little, allowing him to settle deeper into the sofa cushions, while his thumb gently stroked against your shoulder, soothing both of you in equal measure.
Losing all awareness of the movie and your mind switching off from any task that might ordinarily pull at your focus, you simply enjoy the feeling of his warmth. At least you thought, you were both lost to the moment, as it wasn't long before his fingers brushed against your throat and up over your jaw to capture your chin. Gently, he tilts your head towards his, and you notice how his breath has quickened just the smallest amount. You can't help but feel the fluttering in your belly from that, as well as his warmth and the softness of his eyes in the darkened room.
There are only a couple of inches separating your lips. He slowly closes the gap, waiting for you to pull away. When you don't and instead lean into the softest kiss imaginable, he hums softly into your mouth. It's slow, teasing and almost lazy. A total opposite from the eager, impassioned lust of your first encounter together. His tongue explores the corners of your lips and across your teeth while he nips, sucks and nibbles lightly at your full lower lip. He tastes of mint toothpaste, his breath, and something sweet and earthy. It sends your senses into overdrive. Your fingers comb gently into the soft strands at the back of his neck. You need this, you've never wanted anyone quite as much as you want him right now.
It's so unfair really; that no one could make you this hot by simply brushing his lips over yours and then along the edge of your ear. His tongue tracing across your sensitive skin just behind your earlobe. That a single kiss to your throat was all it took to have you gasping, tingling all over and so turned on. And yet, you wouldn't change a thing.
“Can I taste you?" He whispered hoarsely, in a deep husk and you couldn't hold back a shiver of anticipation. "Every inch of you?"
How could you say no? And more importantly why would you. You nod with a tiny gasp and are rewarded with another light brush of his lips to yours. 
Oh, god. You couldn't stop now even if your life depended on it. And maybe it did. You felt so desperately out of control, as his tongue played lazily with yours, his lips suckling and nibbling on yours until you could do nothing but melt into him.
“Haechan…” Your breath hitched, barely able to speak, your mind swirling and intoxicated. “Do you want to spend the night? There's no reason for you to go back to your apartment. We could, um...keep this going, if you want..."
“Okay..." Haechan said softly as you stood up and pulled him towards your bedroom. The bed was a mess as you pushed him down on his back.
Haechan reaches down to pull his t-shirt off, and you straddle his legs, fumbling to undo his zipper as quickly as possible. In no time, you were both fully nude. Your lips and tongue meet Haechan as you roll over. He was straddled over your hips and was staring down at your naked body, licking his lips slowly.
"You're beautiful." Haechan breathed softly, tracing his fingertips delicately over your neck, collar bones, and shoulders. Goosebumps appeared in the wake of his touch and you closed your eyes and whimpered a little, tipping your chin up.
He captured your lips softly and slowly in a hot kiss that quickly turned fierce.
He moves to kiss the side of your face, and down to the base of your earlobes. Slowly his hot breath trails lower, over your chest and stomach and even lower. When his head settled between your legs and your breathing picked up, and you got up onto your elbows to look at him. Haechan made eye contact, looking so sweet, cute, and totally irresistible as he was positioned down between your legs.
A few seconds of heavy breathing and you decided you wanted his face against you, immediately. So you fisted one hand in his hair and tugged, getting his attention. Haechan quickly learned how to give the most incredible tongue kisses; just slow enough to tease you and enough pressure that it made your back arch. He kept at it with alternating soft and firm licks; swirls of the tongue that alternated with broad flat-tongue swipes along your wet pussy.
Haechan paused, breath hot and mouth still so close.
"Does it feel good, when I lick you like that, baby? Let me hear it, too. I've been dying to taste your perfect pussy and make it gush," Haechan spoke gently.
"God, where'd you learn to talk like that??" You gasp.
"In your books." Haechan pointed towards the pile of adult comics on your dresser.
You swallow. "Well keep going, because it's really fucking working."
"Tell me what to do next," Haechan said and sucked hard, while rubbing slow circles over your clit with one finger.
"Fuck me with your tongue," You breathe, and Haechan happily complies. You're absolutely soaking as Haechan makes good use of his hands as he flattens his tongue over your clit, then flutters his tongue against it. When his fingers dive inside you, your grip tightens and you tug his hair.
"Yeah. Haechan...keep touching me. Just like that," You tell him, a little breathlessly. You try to keep eye contact as you rock into the movements of his hand. When his fingers curve to find that spot inside you, your breath catches in your throat and you can't help it as your eyelids flutter closed for a moment. Haechan responds by latching his lips around your swollen, throbbing clit and suckling a few times.
That action combined with the internal pressure of his fingers pushes you over the edge. Your hips thrust wildly against his mouth and a strangled sort of whine leaves you, followed by gasps, groans, and mewls of pleasure.
When Haechan's hands finally fall from your thighs and he looks up at your flushed face, he chuckles softly. Haechan crawls over you, and presses his face in your hair, placing soft kisses down to your shoulder. "Good girl," he purred.
"Haechan," You said breathlessly as he lifted his head up, grinning. He moved down the bed slightly, positioning his throbbing dick between your wet folds. The sensation had your spine arching, your inner walls contracting around the emptiness, desperately searching for the fullness of him inside you.
You gasped as Haechan moved forward and eased himself inside you, stretching and filling you until you felt that intoxicating fullness. You stared up at his features and he blinked slowly, keeping his gaze steady on you, watching and gauging your reaction. You chewed on your lower lip and clutched at his biceps, nails digging into flesh and dragging down his arms.
"Move," You whimpered. His soft chuckle caused an excited chill to run up your spine and a sweet moan to leave your lips.
Haechan leaned down to kiss the side of your neck as his hips moved with his thrusts, his penis burying itself inside you with short, swift strokes.
The friction was heavenly. Each time the tip of his length touched against the end of your slick pussy, and withdrew again, he caused more ripples of pleasure to shiver across the surface of your skin. You shivered against the sheets below you, your eyelashes fluttering, his name leaving your lips in soft cries.
You opened your legs wider and wrapped them around his waist to let his length push into you more easily. You raised your hips off the bed, grinding yourself up against him. This elicited a groan from him, and your thighs clenched around him more tightly. The tips of your breasts rubbed against his chest and tickled. It felt so, so good...
"Haechan...please..." Your moans continued as his hands gripped at your thighs, spreading them further apart as he slowly increased the speed of his thrusts. "Don't stop, baby...fuck..."
His breathing grew rougher and shorter. Your fingernails scratched down his sweat-slick chest. Every time he sank his cock deep inside you, you could feel his tip kissing up against a pleasurable spot and it caused sparks to explode inside you. You were panting, crying out. Haechan could feel your hips lifting off of the bed to match his every thrust as his grunts and moans grew deeper and more lustful. You were so incredibly close, and by the look of his handsome, strained face, he wasn't far from finishing either.
"Fuck. Yes, Y/N...that's it. Say my name," Haechan uttered, his gaze now burning right into yours, and his body shaking a little. "Don't fucking stop saying it...I wanna hear your sexy voice telling me how good it feels when I fuck you."
The pulsing between your legs intensified and before you knew it, the familiar shudders rushed up your torso and shook every part of your body. "Yes, Haechan, right there, fuck. You feel so good. Don't stop! Don't stop!"
You felt his hips start to lose their rhythm. You closed your eyes and drew a deep breath.
"Oh god, baby, Haechan...just like that," You spurred him on, clinging to his shoulders. He gave a few particularly fast, desperate thrusts before groaning and pulsing inside you. That feeling sent you over the edge and you called his name, nails raking down his back and fingers gripping the sheets so tightly you swore your knuckles were turning white. 
Haechan kept rocking slowly inside you and he brought his palm up to the center of your stomach and circled his fingertips over the surface, rubbing down into your lower abdomen. You shuddered pleasurably at the contact.
"Don't take it out, stay," You told him quietly, eyes sliding closed, and you breathed out heavily through your nostrils. He murmured incoherently and continued massaging your lower belly while keeping himself buried deeply inside you. 
After a short time, Haechan pulled out slowly, leaving his warm semen to slowly drip out of you.
He made his way up to you and brought you close, draping his arm over you to keep you by his side. "Hmmm, you're so pretty...But let me ask you something."
"What?" You yawned and shifted over to rest your head on his chest, nuzzling into his warmth.
"Can we keep doing this? Like regularly?" Haechan asked and combed a hand through your hair.
You sit up and open an eyelid. "As in...?"
"You...me..." Haechan waggled his fingers. "And us having sex, together."
You laughed softly. "Seriously Haechan?"
He gives an innocent look. "It's not the worst idea, is it? We have a great chemistry, obviously."
You turned on your stomach and faced him, smiling. You brushed some of his sweaty hair off of his forehead. "I love chemistry."
Haechan smiles back and shifts closer, pressing your noses together. "So...?"
Your response came out a soft whisper. "Yeah."
"So, you're basically gonna be my fuck buddy?" Haechan tilts his head, raising an eyebrow.
You roll your eyes. "How about your girlfriend? Hmm?"
"I'll take that option." He smirks and grabs you for a kiss. "So...shower first or sleep first?"
"Shower and then sleep sounds nice..." You trailed off and rested your hands over his around your chest.
He gave you a squeeze and a nudge to your rear to get you moving. With a grumble you threw off the sheets and followed him, making your way to the bathroom for the first of many wonderful nights together.
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obae-me · 9 months
Text
The Reunion We Deserved
I said I would do it and so I did, all in one night, one sitting, fueled by nothing but determination, random inspiration, and spite. I re-wrote and created my version of what I would've liked to see at the end of Nightbringer Season 2. Is this a bit dramatic? Yes? Is this the kind of thing I wanted anyway? Yes. I want sobbing, I want people being pathetic, I want emotion, I want it all. So, if that's what you were hoping to see for lesson 40, I hope this can ease some of that anger we had.
Spoilers ahead for Nightbringer since this is quite literally my "remaking" of the ending, which includes in-game references to later lessons!
TW: Blood mention, injury, angst.
Word Count: 4,391
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Tears pricked your eyes as you looked upon the several smiling faces of the demons you had come to care for. At the beginning, all you could think of was returning to your home, your time-line, your brothers. You had coped thus far by constantly reminding yourself that these were not the same people you had come to know. But now… after delving into their souls, reforging the pacts, fleeing down the different circles of hell to save one only to nearly lose them all… they’d found their way into your heart once more. How could you? How could you leave them so easily? And tell them to their faces that you’d meet again soon when you knew it was a lie. It might be soon for you, but it would be nearly an eternity for them. Not to mention that the way Solomon and Barbatos described it, this was almost like another universe… Would another version of you show up for them? Or would you leave these particular brothers for good?…
Feet frozen in sorrow and anxiousness, you could only look at them and cry. What were you feeling in this very second, now that you were on the cusp of what you had worked so hard for? The way back home was right above you, the air and magic inches away from sucking you up into it’s mystical vacuum. Your precious family, your home was one step away. So why did it also feel like your heart was being torn from you? “I—“ Your words choked up in your throat. You were tempted to tell them everything right there and then, spill the burden you had been carrying on your shoulder this entire time.
“It’ll be alright,” Lucifer spoke up, seeing your worry, but exuding nothing but confidence himself. “I gave you my blessing after all.”
“Plus, with the Great Mammon’s pact, you’re hella lucky! You’ll get home with no problems, I’d bet on it! S-So you better not make me lose, got it? Get home safe…and happy.”
Levi shook his head a little. “You’d bet on anything wouldn’t you…” But then he turned his head back towards you, nearly just as bold as Lucifer in this one moment. “If someone like me can have courage, you can too. Don’t worry! You’re just like a Main Character! You have indestructible plot armor!”
“Did everyone already forget the white dragon I helped summon?” Satan scoffed. “Their safety and success is guaranteed. So don’t give us that face,” he addressed you.
“Besides!” Asmo perked up. “If anything happened we’d all come rushing to save you! Just like we did for Lucifer. If we can do that, we can do anything! Oo, I just said something real dashing just now! You better take that to heart, hun!”
Beel nodded several times. “You have Luke’s wish egg too. I also made wishes over my eggs at breakfast this morning. I wished for you to always feel healthy and full and loved. And that we’d get to see each other again soon.”
“Those eggs might’ve tasted magical Beel, but they weren’t really…” Belphie looked up his twin as he shook his head, but then he shrugged, coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t worth explaining. “Hey,” he stared at you. “Don’t waste your energy crying now. You’ll need all your strength for your journey. I won’t forgive you if you leave too sad.”
All their words ended up making you laugh, the smile across your face twitching as you worked to force out trembling words. “You all better be kind to one another.” Someone behind you was tugging on your arm. “And make sure you don’t tease Luke too hard.”
“Come on,” Solomon whispered softly to you, tugging you a little harder, making you take a few steps back. The rift in space-time started to roar, attempting to drown out your voice as you struggled for these last few seconds.
“And make sure you all remember to eat and sleep properly. A-and, tell the others at the ceremony that I love them. I… love you all so much.”
“We have to go…” Solomon’s voice sounded tense, like he was nearly ready to cry himself, only keeping himself strong for you. Wrapping an arm around your waist, he nearly hoisted you back himself. Before you left, you reached into the pocket of your pants, fishing out the letter that you had written alone in your old room, what seemed like forever ago now, the one still stained with old tears. You tossed it to the ground in front of you, hoping they would read it, hoping it would help…them live without you.
The last thing you heard was a chorus of cracking voices, getting cut off before they could tell you they loved you too…
And then you were gone. A harsh and forceful wind seemed to suck all the air from your breath. It was almost as if you were being plunged underwater, several forces of pressure from the thousands of years you were swirling past was threatening to crush you. The only sensation you were aware of was Solomon’s. His arms were holding onto you tightly, continuing to mutter spells over and over and over again to keep you safe, expending all of his waining power to push you both through the folds of reality and out on the other side.
Gravity. Disorientation. Falling. A heavy weight slammed against your chest so hard, you wondered if your ribs cracked. The back of your head hit something firm. Everything went black for a while.
After who knows how long, your eyes opened again, staring straight up into the Devildom sky, the shifted stars more familiar to you. Your head was splitting with pain, your breath a wheeze as you glanced down to see Solomon’s limp body keeping you pinned against the ground.
“S-Solomon?” It took a short while for the panic to settle in. “Solomon!” After a moment of struggling, you managed to get him off of you, setting him on his back in the grassy plane you had been spat back out onto. His face looked drained. A chant left the base of your throat, using the last scrap of magic you had to give him a spell to reinvigorate his body. His eyes shot open, coughing as he rolled over onto his side, pushing himself up onto his arms before he fell down again. “Take it easy!” Together, using each other as support, you both got back up to your feet.
“I’m sorry…I had meant to deliver us right in front of the House of Lamentation, but…”
“You did alright,” you assured him, rubbing his back to keep his dizzy mind conscious. “A bit of a rough landing, but we’re alive…” But then, the better question was… “Are we—“
“There you are.” A calm voice manifested itself as a demon in front of you. Barbatos stepped out of a portal, his expression nearly as neutral as ever, except there was something in his eyes that was shining, a strange tremor to his hand that was completely unnatural for someone as him. Then he frowned as he took in the state of both of you, his nostrils flaring as he took the both of you with him, each with one gloved hand. You were pulled into a much less chaotic rift this time. Although the jolt was still enough to nearly cause both you and the sorcerer to fall back to your knees. Before that could happen though, you were shoved into a bed.
The guest rooms of the castle appeared the same as always, but something in particular felt nostalgic, like you’d just returned to a childhood home. Solomon appeared to be ushered into a bed right by your side, both your minds too rattled to resist, as the butler threw open the guest room door from the inside and summoned nearly every Little D in the entire building. “I need human medication, bandages, two sets of pajamas, the herbal tea I set aside in the kitchen. I need the oven preheated, the counter prepared, two trays set, and need them all done within the next two minutes.” There was a very subtle raise to his voice, the seriousness of his tone sending a chill down your spine and sending every Little D scattering for their lives. Barbatos spent one second observing them flee before he dissipated once more, getting wisked away through another portal of his own making.
This all felt…so surreal. Perhaps it was the pain that you were in that was making it feel like a dream. Like you’d wake up in Cocytus Hall and be right back at square one. And yet, something in you was missing that place… that house that you had just started to get used to. The furniture and things both you and Solomon had bought to make it your shared home. But your real home was here. Well, hopefully here.
You wouldn’t get your hopes up over anything yet. Not until you got to see them.
Barbatos returned before you could even begin to ask Solomon about any of this. A whirl of varying shades of green caused your vision to do somersaults as you were quickly fretted over. Salves and bandages were wrapped around your torso and a damp cloth gently touched the back of your head. That splitting pain resurfaced, joining forces with an added stinging. Maybe it was your body going into shock, but you could’ve sworn you heard a shaky shush coming from your current caretaker as you were cleaned and patched up quickly. Luckily, it wasn’t too much longer after that till the aches went mostly away, your head clearing up again as a set of your own pajamas were settled at the foot of the bed, a silver tray stretched over your lap and propped up on two stands. A small plate with a single pastry sat in front of you, along with a bitter smelling dark-green tea that you could tell you’d rather avoid imbibing.
Swiveling your head to the side, you saw Solomon leaning back against the headrest and a few pillows, a bit more vibrancy in his eyes, although those intense dark circles were hard to miss. He was okay. Thank…everything.
“Eat. Drink. Both of you.” The butler stood between the beds, realizing he’d spoken quite against his normal demeanor, he cleared his throat, his palm pressed between his collarbones. “Phoenix’s Breath Tea. You’ll both need it to recover. I apologize for making you both consume something so distasteful, but I’ve found it goes down a bit smoother paired with something sweet.”
A single whiff of the hot beverage in your hand was enough to make you cough, some sense burning in your nose. You settled the cup back down, taking a deep breath, trying to get your head on straight. “Barbatos… Are we…?”
The butler’s eyelids fluttered slowly. “You are,” he stated, his voice quiet, almost in awe. “You’re home. Back in the world you belong.”
A lump immediately formed in your throat, pushing the tray forward and turning to get out of bed. “I need to go. I need to see them, I—“ Before you could get one foot touching the ground, you were wrangled back into bed.
“I’ll fetch them. I swear you won’t have to wait too much longer. But you must drink the tea and you must take a moment to recover. If the others were to know the state you both were in right now, the castle would be torn—“
A banging sound ripped through the room like a gunshot. The guest room door was busted completely off it’s hinges, the wood of the frame splintering, the door soaring across to the left and fully embedding itself into the wall like a dart stuck in a board. If it weren’t for Barbatos’ inhuman skills, you’ve spilled the tea and dessert all over yourself. The royal attendant audibly sighed, sweeping himself to his feet and holding his arms out, his demon form manifesting, wrestling back a writhing and screaming black mass.
Your eyes went wide.
The mass stopped fighting, going rigid, stepping back to form seven different individuals. Three more non-hostile forms stood back in the wrecked doorway, two white, one red.
The bottom of your lip trembled as an overwhelming surge of joy and despair and relief and guilt all flooded out of you in tears. Your fears were pushed away. Your soul seemed to click back into place, like you’d been the last puzzle piece just waiting to finish the picture. “I’m home…”
Chaos erupted in the castle guest room. A few cracking wails nearly burst your eardrums. Asmo’s arms were the first to wrap around you, mascara running down his cheeks in large inky trails, but he didn’t seemed concerned in the least. Kisses lined your face with each sharp intake of breath, too shaken to even speak, he could only address you in his cries as he clutched onto you, trembling. His hand stroked your head, his breathing stopping for a moment when he saw the damage the landing had caused. This only caused him to whimper and cry harder, his thumb running over the outline of your features, running the back of his fingernails over your cheeks.
Levi was stuttering incomprehensibly. As he fell to his knees, he clutched at his head, going through an entire panic attack. He clawed at his chest, tearing gashes into the front of his clothes, looking up at you behind large welling tears as his tail wrapped around his entire torso. Mist filled the entire room as he continued to shake and cry so fervently he couldn’t even stand.
Luke was quite a ways away, holding onto Simeon’s clothing as he screeched out painful genuine child-like cries. The Angel curled over him, shushing him, getting to his own knees to hold the fledgling to his chest, assuring both the little angel and himself that you were okay. You were alright. Miracles had brought you together again. They didn’t have to worry any longer. The sleepless nights, the endless nightmares, the never-ending cold grip of sorrow could go away. He spoke this mantra- this prayer- over and over again, taking deep breaths between the words, blinking rapidly as he had to sway him and his charge back and forth to keep themselves both at ease. The older angel took the occasional glance over Luke’s shoulder, muttering a thankful blessing on repeat every-time he locked with your eyes.
Satan was thrashing around the room, screaming wildly, out of control, ready to beat Barbatos and Solomon for making you arrive in this condition, for not bringing you sooner, for not telling them sooner, for— Eventually, after getting thrown around the room a little, he ran out of things to be angry for. All it took was one look at your face to calm him down. He approached carefully, angry at himself, angry at whoever it was that took you away, but trying to keep himself together. Satan gingerly pulled Asmo off of you, turning Lust over to Solomon. Clearly, he’d been worried about his other pact-mate, hugging the sorcerer and crying a little more softly into his shoulder. Meanwhile, Satan reached a hand out hesitantly, like you were a feral cat he was trying to pet, worried you’d run away. His hand brushed through your hair and settled at the side of your face. Once he realized you weren’t going anywhere, his arms pulled you to him, pressing your face against his shoulder. “You’re here. You’re here again. You’re—“ His voice went hoarse, like he was losing it, like he’d been doing nothing but screaming for the entirely of your absence. Soon his words were nothing but faded squeaks, trying to portray his words but unable to. He simply held you instead. Then he tore himself away from you, heading over to the back wall and punching holes into the structure till his knuckles turned bloody.
Someone crawled onto the bed. Belphegor peered at you with an almost blank expression. His hand reached out, touching your knee, flinching as soon as he made contact, like the very act of him doing so would hurt you further. You could tell that maybe he felt like some of this was his fault, like he’d deserved the pain of having you be sent away from him, like if he did anything wrong again, you’d vanish for real this time, How many times could you come back from the dead? How close was he to losing you entirely? For good? As soon as his warmth mixed with yours, he collapsed on the mattress, curling up at your feet. He gathered the blanket towards his face, the end of his tail twitching erratically. His sobs were silent but violent, the entire bed shifting and bouncing as his body convulsed, his chest pounding as he broke down. Every once and a while, he would become extremely frightened, needing to gasp and look up to ensure you were real. You weren’t a dream. He pinched himself, shook his head, even almost bit at his hands to snap him out of this vision. But you were really here. He would curl back up and continue to cry.
White hair bobbed in front of your vision, two hands going to your shoulders and shaking you, pinning you against the headboard, fingernails careful not to dig themselves into your skin as they gripped your body. “What the hell is wrong with you?! Huh? Huh?! Do you have any idea what you put us through?! What you put me through?!” Mammon growls and screams shocked you.
“Mammon.” Lucifer’s voice settled as a stern warning, but something about it seemed weaker than usual.
Greed ignored him, continuing his rant. “You were just gone. Gone! You know that?!” He shook you again, careful not to rattle you too much. “And what am I supposed to do about that, huh?! What did I say?! I said—“ His voice cracked, trails of moisture streaming from his eyes and over his lips. “I said,” he repeated, “if you’re ever in trouble, you have to let me save you. What part of that didn’t you understand?! How dare you get taken somewhere where I can’t reach you?! How dare you?! How dare you?!” His voice continued to raise in pitch, sounding more and more unstable with each accusing question. Then he slumped, his forehead pressing against your chest as his hands held onto your shoulders tighter, almost bruising them, fearful of letting you go. He began shaking you a few times more, each shake meeker than the last. “How dare you. How dare you… How… W- What was I supposed to do if you didn’t come back?… The world is nothin’… I’m nothin’…”
Beel came over and helped his older brother to his feet, allowing him to sit on the side of your bed as Mammon furiously used the back of his wrist to rub at his cheeks. Gluttony stood over you, looking down with a wide close-lipped smile. “Welcome back.” He leaned down, pressing his cheek against yours as his large arms wrapped around the back of your neck. He took in the scent of you, burying his face into the crook of your neck for a moment. His body didn’t shutter, didn’t make noise, but you felt a few warm tears of his drip onto your skin. He silently and secretly teared up for just a few moments before he stood back up straight, gesturing to the tray with your items on it. “Eat, please. It’ll make you feel better.” The sixth-born took a few steps back to let you breathe, and as he moved back, someone else moved forward.
Lucifer stood at your bedside for quite some time in silence, looking down on you with a rather unreadable expression. He had a frown, eyes squinting like he was upset at you. He scanned you over, his brows furrowing, his jaw clenching. He refused to move, refused to say anything, refused to look you directly in the eyes. You moved forward a little, grabbing his hand, holding it in yours. All the sudden, the tension released. His eyes widened before his eyelids lowered, glancing at you past the vulnerable shimmer past his irises. Wrinkles of stress deepened in his forehead as his whole face contorted in agony. He held your hand tightly, bringing the back of it up to his lips. After that, he pulled you against him, his forehead pressed up against yours, his wings in his demon form acting as some sort of visual blocker, as if he couldn’t stand to have the rest of the room see how he was acting right now. He rubbed his face against yours back and forth, one small touch away from cooing, his hands caressing the sides of your neck, feeling your pulse, hearing your breath, taking in every detail and confirming to himself that you were indeed in his arms again, alive and mostly well. “You’ve come back to us,” he whispered, the end of his nose touching yours as one of his hands cradled the back of your neck. “Back to me.” His breath was hot as he panted for a moment, taking a deep breath and speaking in a hushed tone. “I had nearly begun to entertain the thought that…”
You pulled him closer to you, letting his head rest on your chest as you reached around to his back, grasping the cloth of his clothes in your hands. “You know I would fight through all the layers of hell to get to you.”
That seemed to resonate with him, but you weren’t quite sure he remembered that you were speaking quite literally. All those adventures…the things you’d all learned. How lost were they?…
However, Lucifer simply smiled, laughing a little, squeezing you before laughing again. “Yes, if anyone would do such a thing, it would be you. I shouldn’t have doubted you.” He straighted, fixed his clothing, lowered his wings, and moved further back into the room, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger as he paced towards a back corner.
Levi had finally soothed himself enough to move, walking on his knees towards the bed. His hands were fidgeting with every part of his outfit. Eyes puffy from crying, throat raw from his collapse earlier, he kept himself from speaking. You managed to smile down at him and wipe away the last few of his tears. His lips shook again before he lowered his head into your lap. Face-down in the fabric of the blanket, he kept shaking his head. He didn’t stop until your fingers ran through his hair. With a forced gulp, he eventually vocalized words. “I missed you… I was- was- was so scared I would…”
“Lose you.” Belphie sat up in bed, ignoring the fact that his face was now a mess. He scooted closer towards your side on the bed. “We thought we lost you.”
The youngest was able to say what none of the others could. Full silence washed over the room as the reality of the situation fully seemed to hit them, their shock slowly starting to fade.
Diavolo strode in, everyone moving out of the way to allow him to have his own time with you. The corners of his eyes crunched in happiness. His tight and broad shoulders sagged. Both of his large hands scooped up one of yours, bringing your touch to the side of his face. He closed his eyes, almost appearing as if he might purr any second. As he opened his sight back at you, a fire of positivity and excitement lit within him. “A party! We must throw a party! A welcome home celebration! This is…this is… a joyous day.”
At first, the others seemed confused. Then, one-by-one, small determined smiles spread across their faces. The sorrow melted and gave way to pure uncontrollable elation. People hugged each other, danced around the room, cheered, bounced, came back to kiss you, came back to hug you, nearly passing you around the room till Barbatos barged back in and took your hand, bringing you back to bed.
For a while, you assumed he would shut the idea down entirely. But then, the butler grinned. “I figured you would all say as much. Some preparations are already being made. In the meantime, we should let these two rest. They’ve had all too much excitement today.” Barbatos pulled the blanket back over your legs, readjusting the tray and giving you a biting glare that told you you wouldn’t be able to get out of drinking that god-forsaken tea. “But after that, we will celebrate. We will take every day and night to cherish you, and make up for the time we lost.”
Most of the brothers tried clinging to you, demanding they get to stay, but Diavolo, Barbatos, Lucifer, and Simeon managed to corral the desperate demons and one small angel out of the room.
But before they all left, you shouted. “Wait!” They all turned, worried that something was wrong. However, you smiled, happy tears running down your face this time. “I love you all. So very much.”
“I cherish you with every fibre of my being.”
“There ain’t nothing more priceless than you.”
“E-Everything is so much more fun with you here with m-m- us…”
“I…don’t want to even try to imagine a world without you in it.”
“Nothing, and I mean nothing, hun, is as charming as you.”
“Our family isn’t complete without you in it.”
“You belong with us. End of story.”
“You are one of the most precious beings the three realms has ever known.”
“I find myself discovering new things to enjoy every moment I spend with you.”
“Listen, you are a shining beacon in the night. Know how special you are.”
“You teach me so much! If it weren’t for you, I might still be scare— I mean, dislike demons!”
“My dear apprentice… We couldn’t have gotten home without you. You deserve the world. I will stick by you no matter where you go. And you deserve to know—“
“How much we love you too.”
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urfavleo777 · 10 months
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warnings: age gap, tattoo artist! colby x reader, alcohol
"Angel's wings!" your best friend exclaims, speaking completely seriously. Your other friend approves, clapping her hands eagerly. "Get them tattooed!"
You almost choke on your drink when you hear how seriously Katrina gives you a new idea for your first tattoo. If someone told you that friendship between three people doesn't exist, you would laugh at them. The three of you are living proof that it's not the number of people in the group that matters, but the love that exists between you. Each of you is different, but that is the most beautiful thing. There is nothing worse than boredom and monotony in friendship.
"Come on, you'll be eighteen in an hour. Do something that will make you happy, not your parents." Sophia, usually the voice of reason, tries to convince you.
You don't know if it's the alcohol you just drank, but in a split second you undergo an internal transformation. You'll be of age in an hour. No one will be able to lecture you. Even your parents who, instead of spending this birthday time with their daughter, decided to go to the mountains. At first you reacted with sadness, but over time you were glad that the situation had turned out this way because you could invite your two favorite girls over for the night.
Katrina and Sophia look at you with impatient eyes, encouraging you to make a quick decision. You take a deep breath, tilting your head back. As pathetic as it sounds, you try your hardest to get advice from the ceiling.
You look back at your waiting friends. They send drunken glances your way, which only reinforces the fact that you must probably look like one of them at this point. Sophia and Katarina's eyes widen. Something unexpected is about to happen; something that will change the course of history forever.
Katarina clenches her fists like a true boxing legend, preparing for the worst possible scenario. With each subsequent inhalation, you feel even more excitement and arousal wash over you. You open your mouth to announce the official verdict.
"If not now, never, right?"
After saying these words, you're crushed under the bodies of these two freaks. And, you swear to yourself that if your parents had been home, after all those squeals of happiness, you would have ended up under a bridge.
"The best decision you've ever made, Y/n! I'm so proud," Sophia squeals excitedly, and Katrina joins in. You realize that you still hold the glass in your hand. You hiss, knowing that you'll definitely need to change the sheets of your bed after tonight. "Don't worry about it! Let's go to the tattoo artist!"
"Now?" you keep mumbling under their bodies.
Katrina and Sophia step away from you, exchanging meaningful glances with each other. You are finally able to catch your breath, but you don't really understand what they're trying to tell you.
"Yes. Now." Sophia grins. "Katrina, are you thinking about the same person as me?"
The friend nods her head in response, also with a big grin on her face.
"Oh, yeah! The handsomest, hottest and most expensive tattoo artist in town," she starts counting and you wonder why you've never heard of him before. "Y/n, we guarantee you the best fucking fun."
"Let's fucking do this!" They both squeal, grabbing your hands and pulling you out of the bed.
***
"You guys didn't even give me a chance to change clothes!"
You are wearing a black body suit and really low rise jeans so people on the street can see a bit of skin, which makes you feel a little uncomfortable.
"You look great." Sophia assures you and Katrina nods to her. Well, they're wearing perfectly balanced sweaters compared to you. They decided to make you the main star without outshining you with clothes. You feel like standing out of the crowd, which you don't like very much.
"Do you think this tattoo artist will accept us without prior consultation?" you ask, genuinely curious. "Maybe we should call him? We'd better get back home..."
"Relax, Y/n," you turn into a street you've probably never been to. Katrina tries to convince you, but with each step you take, you become less and less sure. Even though your parents have well-paid jobs, they usually don't let you hang around the rich districts. They would be disappointed if they knew that while they were away their daughter was getting a tattoo, not really knowing where.
"You said he was an expensive tattoo artist. I don't think I want to spend money this way." You continue, feeling the alcohol drain from you. You regain consciousness and regret saying yes to your friends. "Maybe we should really turn back?"
"Y/n," you stop in front of a building emanating LED light. The girls move closer to you and one of them puts a hand on your shoulder. Sophia, the fucking voice of reason, says: 
"He is my brother's friend. They have been friends since childhood. He practiced on my brother, making the first patterns. He would never take money from me or my friends. We are always out of line. Trust me, you're in good hands."
"He was the one who gave me that big tattoo you liked so much," finishes Katrina.
You sigh, trying to convince yourself first and foremost. Sophia pulls out her phone and brings it closer to your face.
The first thing that catches your eye are the huge white numbers on the screen. What's more, they don't seem blurry at all. You must be really sober. You take a deep breath, recalling the quote of your favorite teacher in your head.
12:00. Carpe diem.
 "It's time to go fucking crazy, Y/n." 
***
"Sophia? What's for today?" It’s a male voice. Raspy, yet soft. The sound of it makes you whip your head over to your friends, but you're trying to stay calm. He lets out a heavy sigh before humming to himself in thought. Only after a while he notices that Sophia is not alone. "And who is this?"
"Hello, Colby. Meet Y/n, your new client." 
And the way he shakes your hand is firm but gentle, not as hard as you think it'd be given the size of his biceps probably are larger than your head. But then he softly grips your elbow and guides you into the chair with a hand on your back. "Don't worry, I don't bite."
"Well, I thought I would have to convince you.. longer."
You flush a little under his gaze because he's noticed how you're shaking like a leaf next to him. And the way he smiles indicates he might enjoy biting you anyways... and maybe you'd let him. 
"I was just about to close, but you know perfectly well that I will always make an exception for you, Sophia." Your friend smiles at his words.
"So, what are we doing tonight?" he focuses all his attention on you. You swallow, not really knowing what to answer. Katrina decides to save your ass from total embarrassment.
"Angel's wings." 
He looks like he's about to roll his eyes.
"Seriously, I can't count how many girls asked me for the exact same pattern. Try something more creative."
"I'd like to stick with the wings, please. In a place invisible to the eye."
"Getting a tattoo so you don't show it to anyone? How old are you anyway?"
"Eighteen." He doesn't look convinced. With one movement of your hand, you pull your ID from your back pocket. Colby, as you can guess, surprised by the concrete, grabs the ID in his hand and looks at it carefully.
"She's so young." When he talks about you in the third person, something happens to you. "Are you sure you want those fucking wings?"
"Come on, Colby. You did this to my brother many times." Sophia interjects. "Don't ruin her birthday."
"Ah, yes. Happy birthday or something." You can tell he’s in a good mood based on the playful amusement in his voice. 
"Thanks," you hang your head.
"We have to do something about her shyness." he turns to your friends.
"Maybe wings between her tits? I bet no girl has ever asked for this," suggests Katrina. You almost choke on your saliva. You want to get up from that chair and run out.
"That sounds perfect." His voice is sweet with a touch of flirtiness, and you swear you can hear the smile in it. "What do you think, Y/n?"
"There's no way I'm going to show you my tits." You take courage. Colby laughs loudly. He clearly takes pleasure in your attitude and shakes his head, leaning in to watch you.
"It's your choice." You bite at your lip instead of answering him. 
"Come on, Y/n. We won't look either." Katrina says and Sophia nods.
You've already succumbed to them once in a while. Nothing will stop you from doing it again.
The girls send you their last kisses. After a while, it's just you and your tattoo artist left in the room.
***
You're honestly glad when the uncomfortable silence is drowned out by the song "Ultraviolence" by Lana Del Rey. You asked to simply turn on the radio, but you were surprised when Colby asked you for the title. What was even weirder was when he used the fucking vinyl of one of your favorite albums instead of Spotify.
He hums to himself. "Those are nice."
You got rid of your bra. No one has ever complimented your boobs, but you smile slightly, burying your face in your hands.
He gives you a little wink before stenciling what you had in mind, his fingertips tracing the lines of the ink that leaves goosebumps across your skin.
There's a lingering feeling as he pulls his hand back. You think he's toying with you. Frightful little thing, you are and here he is wanting to play with his pretty little client. Next thing you know, his hand is around your throat.
You tense and realize that he has moved some of your hair to the other side to give more access to the space between your tits. It definitely could have been done easier and better, but the twinkle in his eyes said he did it on purpose. Oh yes, he was definitely having fun with you. The way his hand barely grazed your throat and the side of your neck before he would gently scratch your arm with his blunt nails and pull away.
He let's out a huff of quiet laughter and then gets his tools ready. "So, y/n, you have a safeword?"
And you're brought out of your thoughts about his large hands because... "Huh?"
"A safeword. It's big."
W..what's big? You can't stop your eyes from flitting down to his thighs and what may lie between them. He laughs and shifts so your eyes are instantly back up and staring at his eyes that glimmer in amusement.
"The tattoo, I mean. It's a big piece. Need to know if it'll be too much, yeah?"
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viviennevermillion · 1 year
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love languages
✧ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ: hsr debut post, hope this does well. i'm only at chapter 2 part 1 so pls bare we me. (gn!reader), aeons can walk among mortals for this
✧ ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: bloom in the dark — emorie
✧ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ: blade, dan heng, jing yuan, luocha, march 7th, nanook, yaoshi
✧ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: some angst & hint at character death in blade's because i'm still figuring out how to write anything but angst for a character whose main objective is that he wants to die, i had way too much fun making the aeons eldritch
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✧ giving: gifts
As much as Blade loved you, as much as he treasured the memories he shared with you and as much as he'd hate to cause you pain or grief; you were all too familiar with his predicament. You had been ever since you agreed to stay by his side, to love him for as long as you had together. That was the price you'd pay for loving a man who considered himself dead in spirits already. A shell of who he once was.
Part of him felt guilty for indulging you; how could he call himself yours when he'd take the exit from his cursed immortality if it presented itself before him tomorrow? How could he promise you his heart if he couldn't promise you a future?
He knew there was a chance he might outlive you by centuries. He knew there was a chance he'd say goodbye to you in a month. Still, you were willing to be with him, through all the uncertainty.
So he gifts you things to remember him by, should he part from you too soon for your liking. Some of them were expensive; after all he had more than enough life behind him to no longer be bound by material limits. Some of them were simple trinkets or flowers he preserved using glycerine. All of them held meaning but the overarching message was: "We were born in different times. If it were for the natural order of things, we never would have even met. I've been suffering since long before I met you. And yet, curiously, despite all; I treasure every moment I had with you. I'm glad to have loved you."
✧ receiving: physical touch
One thing Blade would have never expected when he met you; but was more than glad to realize, was that you could make him forget his anger and pain, even if it was for just a while; even if it always inevitably returned.
He loved falling asleep in your arms. It was the closest thing to the peace and salvation he craved that he could currently have. For just a few hours, he was content. He had forgotten what that felt like.
He loved the feeling of your fingers carding through his long, dark hair. And you loved the smile you so rarely saw on his face when you did this. Blade's breathing would calm and he'd nuzzle your neck as he was being held in your arms.
Blade also loves waking up in the middle of the night, feeling you shift in bed beside him and pressing a few lazy kisses to his lips before he fell back asleep.
He loves the way you tend to his scars, how you seem to wash the pain off his body with your caring touch; despite feeling guilty for how he has made you worry again. You'd end up disinfecting and bandaging his wounds and sometimes he had to chuckle at how you treated him as if he was fragile, despite having likely seen more hardships than you could ever imagine.
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✧ giving: acts of service
Dan Heng doesn't really know how to express his love for you at first so he defaults to helping you out however he can.
He helps you with little jobs around the Astral Express and loves to team up with you for any missions or chores that fall on both of your plates.
Especially with all the knowledge he gathered from the archives and basically living in there; he's more than ready to help you figure out any mysteries you encounter on your journey with the Astral Express.
If he needs to explain anything to you or answer a question you have about stuff like the Aeons or any factions you encountered, he'll often pull you onto his lap at the desk and show you important info about it in a book or online. "I hope I could answer your questions. Did this help you?", he then asks you, looking into your eyes. "Yup!", you shoot him a smile and give him a quick kiss to the lips which leaves him blushing and just staring at you for a while.
"Hey, Astral Express to Dan Heng, you still there?", you chuckle and wave your hand in front of his eyes. He just blinks like, twice and then picks you up bridal style: "Come on, let's figure out that task Himeko gave you." He's just trying to distract from the fact that you flustered him.
Sometimes he tries to cook for you. The emphasis is on tries. You'll walk into the train kitchen and he'll be there stirring something in the frying pan and glancing at a recipe. "What are you doing there, love?", you ask and kiss his cheek. "I'm making lunch for you", he states and you hug him. "Aww, that's so sweet of you!", you press a few appreciative kisses to his lips, "wait why does it smell burnt?" "What-"
✧ receiving: quality time
Dan Heng is what we call 'a good listener'. He's not the best conversationalist but he likes to hear you talk and he remembers stuff you told him that even you have forgotten about until he one day just brings it up out of nowhere.
He loves to spend the time between trailblazing expeditions just hanging out with you. You check your phone and receive a text from him like "Hey, want to come over to my room? 🫀"
"?" "March told me that I should add a heart to my messages to make you feel more loved. Did I not do it correctly?" "Dan Heng, sweetie, no..."
You enter his room and he has made you two cups of coffee, the only thing he's actually good at "cooking". The two of you have decided to watch a movie and lay down on Dan Heng's mattress. "I can feel the bones in my back snapping in half, how do you sleep on this?", you raise your eyebrow. "I don't think it's that bad", he mumbles, seeming lost in thought.
While watching the movie, he has his arms wrapped around you. His only opinion about it is "it was good".
Also enjoys playing board games with you, specifically card games. You're pretty equally matched so there's no telling who wins this round. When he wins, you ask him what he wants as a reward and he just gives you a soft smile and tells you a kiss will do.
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✧ giving: physical touch
Jing Yuan is a fairly affectionate man behind closed doors. He doesn't leave for work without giving you as many goodbye kisses as you want and doesn't let go of you throughout the whole night while he sleeps. You could get up and grab a glass of water from the kitchen, as soon as you return, Jing Yuan wraps his arms around you once more; even when he's in deep sleep.
He enjoys just sitting idly with you, both of you doing your own things and he's just holding your hand or has a hand resting on your thigh. He also loves when you lean your head on his shoulder and as soon as he feels you do that, he turns his head to place a kiss on your forehead.
Sometimes you'll be reading a book while sitting between his legs and he ends up pressing multiple kisses to your cheek or trailing them down your neck. He smiles against your skin everytime he does this. He's not always seeking to touch you but he has his clingy 10 minutes where he wants attention and sometimes that happens to interfere with whatever it is you're doing at the current moment.
Most of the time you can't resist indulging him and just kissing him for a while, burying your hands in his hair or cupping his cheeks gently.
✧ receiving: quality time
Jing Yuan loves those days on the Xianzhou Luofu that are so peaceful that he gets to spend the entire day with you. You decide to take a nap during noon, falling asleep in his arms, listening to his steady heartbeat. You feel Jing Yuan press a few soft kisses to your forehead while you're dozing off.
When you awake, he's no longer next to you. You get up and find him in the kitchen, preparing a late lunch for the two of you. You wrap your arms around his waist from behind and glance at the frying pan to see him fry some eggs.
You hear a chirping sound and fish a small finch out of your boyfriend's hair. "Don't worry you, we're not grilling your brethren", you whisper softly and put the bird on the windowsill, "fly free, my little friend." The bird lifts off. You raise an eyebrow at Jing Yuan. "Was this the last one?"
He chuckles. "Should be." This at least gives him an excuse to take a bath with you and maybe you'll volunteer to wash his hair. He loves the feeling of your fingers brushing through his hair and just relaxing and letting you pamper him. "You know, if that's what you want, you can just ask right?", you remind him, "you don't need to call your woodland friends for help." Jing Yuan just laughs and gently guides your chin closer to his face so he can kiss you softly.
He enjoys playing chess against you, though you tend to suggest to play a die-based game instead so you can win by having good luck, because Jing Yuan has several centuries of chess practice under his belt. "You know that still doesn't mean you'll win", he watches you unpack the Ludo game with an amused expression. "I have good luck, I got you after all", you say confidently. "Well I've heard an old saying from a distant planet that when you luck out in love it means you have bad luck when it comes to games", he argues and crosses his arms with a smile on his face. You roll your eyes and he responds by kissing your lips.
Sometimes he watches you play chess against Yanqing. "Does it hurt to lose to an 8 year old?", he teases you. "Silence, Jing Yuan, you taught him this stuff." Your lover lets out a laugh. "And yet he still has so much to learn before he can beat me."
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✧ giving: words of affirmation
When Luocha loves you, he doesn't hesitate to tell you. After all, his companion in the coffin consistently reminds him that life is short and he better have no regrets, should misfortune strike him tomorrow. Luocha adores you and in his mind, there's nothing stopping him from letting you know.
He's also a bit of a smooth-talker to you and you only. He never gets overbearing with his flirting, but you can expect a few cheesy compliments followed by a kiss to your hand. He'll pick you up for your date, takes your hand in his and leads it to his lips. "You're as beautiful today as the first time I saw you", he smiles and whispers against your skin.
Getting together with Luocha could take ages if you insist in knowing why he's being so suspicious first; but once you do he's ironically an open book for you. He has shared his greatest secret with you and you've given your hearts to one another, so why should he hold back now from telling you what's on his mind?
Sometimes his words are on the nose, such as cupping your cheeks and telling you that he loves you with all his heart or that he wants you to traverse the stars with him from now on. Sometimes the love he has for you is put into telling you how he remembers certain areas around the Xianzhou Luofu as "that place where you surprised me with a bouquet of flowers when we met up for tea" or "that shop where you almost made the coffin fall over". You learn with time that there are a lot of things he associates with you and your memories together.
✧ receiving: physical touch
Luocha loves your affections. He's the least grumpy man ever in the morning. You could wake him up at 3am for kisses and he'd be down for it. He loves when he wakes up and the first thing he feels is your lips on his cheeks or your fingers running through his long blond hair or your fingertips drawing circles on his bare shoulders.
He pulls you into his chest and you can hear his heartbeat while he holds you close. He lifts your chin up and his lips meet yours before he even opens his eyes. He kisses you softly, his tongue circling around yours as he tries to pull you even closer. "Good morning, my love", his voice sounds raspy before he presses a kiss to your cheek.
Luocha loves to take a walk through the city and hold your hand in his while doing so. He doesn't say it but he definitely melts if you stop your walk for a minute just to give him a hug or kiss him gently.
One time you get caught in the rain and Luocha finds shelter for the two of you under a secluded pavillion. You are cold so he wraps his jacket around you and holds you in his arms until the skies clear. He presses a kiss to the top of your head. "Are you still cold, my dear?", his voice sounds so soft and he gently squeezes your shoulder. You shake your head. He lets out a chuckle. "That's good, then", he replies before resting his head on top of yours and closing his eyes for a while.
He enjoys resting his head in your lap while you run your fingers through his hair. You might be busy with something else, not noticing how he smiles up at you like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen (you are). He eventually closes his eyes and rests his cheek against your stomach.
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✧ giving: words of affirmation
March 7th talks quite a lot, especially if you were to ask Dan Heng about it. So if she's in love with you; her feelings are bound to slip out with her words. It wasn't hard for you to become aware of her crush on you because she just accidentally blurted it out one day. She was so happy when you told her you felt the same; even if this conversation was the furthest thing from planned.
March loves to explore the civilizations you travel to on the Astral Express and buying lots of souvenirs and clothes from there. So sometimes she'll drag you from shop to shop and often finds things she thinks would look good on you. No matter if you're wearing a fancy suit / dress or a 5 credit neon green "I survived the Belabogeyman attack" shirt from a shady souvenir shop, she hypes you up like you're on the front cover of a popular magazin.
"Aw look, you're so cute", she squeals and hugs you from the side, trying and failing to lift you up. There's at least 5 people in the shop staring at you and the shopkeeper glares at March, silently reminding her to keep her voice at an acceptable volume for a public building. "Oops... sorry", she cringes slightly and then turns to you again with a bright smile, "you should totally get this!"
Everytime you enter her room after a trip you find a new photo you took together on her wall. "Look at your smile on this one", she holds one of them up, "it makes me happy whenever I look at it."
Dan Heng told her to stop talking about you all the time so now she talks with you about you.
Definitely tells you she loves you plenty of times.
✧ receiving: gifts
March loves gifts. She's the kind of person who can't wait to open her birthday presents so you guys have to hide them from her every year; preferably somewhere where she can't reach or won't find them.
So when she receives gifts from you for no special occasion, she's gushing so much.
She loves flowers and chocolates. She definitely has a sweet tooth but will still share the chocolates with you. She is very interested in the meaning of the flowers you gift to her so if you can tell her about that, she'll be all the more happy. She loves romantic gestures like this. She has mostly read about them in romance novels and she's more than thrilled to finally receive them herself.
March also adores jewelry, whether you bought something for her or crafted it yourself. She'll wear it everyday and she's very proud whenever someone asks about it.
She posts about the gifts she receives in her status online as well. She'll be like "y/n got me this! 💓💓💓"
She dm's the pictures to Dan Heng as well and he leaves her on read.
When you gift her something, she gives you a hug and a kiss on the cheek before opening it. Once she opened it, she smiles at you brightly and kisses you on the lips. "Thank you so much for this!", she takes your hand into hers and squeezes it.
Receiving gifts from you makes her so happy. But being loved by you makes you feel like every day is her birthday either way. And for you, every day was March 7th.
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✧ giving: quality time
Loving an Aeon wasn't the easiest endeavor. Especially not Nanook. But somehow you had touched the destructive god's heart and for the first time since they became what they were today, there was a life they wanted to treasure and protect.
They don't understand much about the human world as it was today, having mostly spent their time on a different plane of existence. It was only when they connected with you and took an interest in you; that they decided to walk among them for a while, to be able to spend time with you. At first their bitterness became apparent every day they spent with you, only scoffing at the people they saw going about their daily life and the things that they had built; which all would be wiped away by destruction if Nanook were to have their way.
But you took that as a challenge. You wanted to see if you could find something they liked about life, unaware that you had become that very phenomenon.
You made it your favorite pastime to show them all sorts of things from the material world and see their reaction to them. "What do you think of this painting?", you ask them, holding up a work of art you got from a market. "I'm not too fond of the sound it makes and the cosmic essence it depicts", they respond with a deadpan expression and you just look at them in confusion, "right, I forgot you can only perceive three dimensions."
Nanook, despite not letting it show, enjoys spending time with you; even though it could be challenging sometimes considering they were an Aeon and you were not. Sometimes they would ask you about things you couldn't see and other times they struggled to discern what things they saw you could pass through and which ones you considered "a wall".
✧ receiving: physical touch
Nanook loves your touch, much as they would like you to never notice that. They're not used to any physical sensations so they're very sensitive. They're unable to form coherent sentences when you so much as press a kiss to their lips. According to them it was very difficult to convey their thoughts in your way of speech when you were "trying to overwhelm them like this"
Giving Nanook affection also proved to be a challenge in more ways than one. The first time you tried to rest your head on their chest, your cheek touched the golden essence flowing out of them and you could perceive what you could only describe as the worst sensory overload anyone has ever experienced; a colorful mix of incoherent screaming and the faint sound of explosions; the feeling of all-encompassing despair and grief.
"What was THAT?", you stared at Nanook in shock, panting. "The entirety of traces left behind by destroyed worlds and ending lives from at least the last couple millenia", they answered very casually. You sighed and held your head, now suffering from a migraine. "At least it doesn't disintegrate me", you took a deep breath and started rummaging through your closet. "Only if I want it to", Nanook explained. "Charming", you whisper to yourself in a sarcastic way and toss them a shirt, "put this on."
Kisses are such a novelty to them. They're like "what was that?"
"Affection." "Do it again."
One time you pressed several kisses to their shoulder and Nanook just slow-blinked at you for like 5 minutes, before resting their head on your shoulder.
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✧ giving: gifts
Yaoshi loves to bestow "blessings" upon you. Though, you have to teach them at first what you would consider an acceptable present.
The first one is immortality if you want it. Yaoshi would love nothing more than for you to be by their side forever.
Their next attempts at gift-giving left you feeling a little lost. They manifest before you, excitedly grabbing your cheeks and your waist and your shoulders with their hands and pulling you into a kiss. "My dearest, I made you a creature", they exclaim and reveal a Frankenstein-esque abomination the size of a volleyball. You can't quite discern what it actually is but it looks like an abstract mixture of a hamster, frog and a dragon. "Uh...thank you?", you try to be as polite as possible, unsure what to do with the creature as it spits a smaller version of itself onto your bedroom floor and then disintegrates. "It reincarnates out of itself", Yaoshi explains. "I can see that", you nod with wide eyes, patting Yaoshi's head.
One day, Yaoshi guides your spaceship to a distant location. "This is a planet I renovated for you", they join you as you land and explain their thoughts behind all the different new kinds of flowers they created specifically for you. "You're my greatest inspiration", they kiss your cheek and wrap their arms around you.
You eventually sit them down and calmly explain to them that one planet is more than enough and that you definitely do not need another creature. You teach them about your customs of giving gifts and they listen attentively. Maybe a bouquet of flowers would do next time.
✧ receiving: quality time
Yaoshi wants you to stay by their side forever. They perceive the passage of time very differently from you, yet they treasure and vividly remember every second by your side. Your bond of love is a sacred one in their eyes and they want to feel as close as possible to you.
They especially love talking to you and learning about your experiences that are so vastly different from their own. Despite being so intertwined with life itself; Yaoshi learns so much about life just from being with you. They never would have imagined you could give them so many new perspectives on the universe just by sharing your thoughts and beliefs with them.
Yaoshi always listens to you attentively and you see a sense of childlike wonder in their eyes when you speak about the way you experience the world, the things you value and the memories you treasure.
"Isn't it marvelous; how we see the world through such different lenses and are entirely different entities, yet we love each other so deeply and unconditionally", their voice sounds soft as they pull you onto their lap, holding you with their six arms and planting kisses on the back of your neck repeatedly.
Unlike Nanook, Yaoshi is very clingy. Quality Time with you always involves touching you in some way, be it kissing you repeatedly or holding you tightly within their embrace. Sometimes they sing you to sleep with a gentle voice, running their fingertips over your shoulder.
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chrisevansonly · 11 months
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𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 | 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜
ʚ charles leclerc x female reader
ʚ charles gets the one call he never wanted to get, and despite your worries about his precious pista, he doesn’t care about the car. just you.
ʚ angst, description of injuries (minor), mentions of blood, panic attacks, violence (minor), tears and lots of soft charles
ʚ okay idk why i thought of this idea, but i have and here we are, i know people have been asking for angst, this idk if it qualifies as the angst you’re all looking for but I will work on some other ideas too:)
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Time was frozen as you sat in the driver’s seat of what once looked like a Ferrari 488 Pista. Only now you could make out the back of the car, the front of it might as well be in a what not to do when you drive a luxury vehicle catalogue. Your head was ringing and your chest pounding as adrenaline and anxiety pumped through your veins, as much as you’d started to feel pain in a multitude of places, your brain was thinking of only one thing;
Charles is going to be so mad.
To make matters worse, the man who had hit you was now cursing through the tinted window, claiming the accident to be all your fault. Deciding to think about Charles’s potential anger later you picked your phone up and called his number.
Thankfully it didn’t take long, 
“Hi baby, are you on your way back”
A pause 
“Um…I-I got in an accident Char…”
The line was silent before he spoke up, panic laced in his voice. 
“Qu'entendez-vous par ‘accident?’  Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé? Où es-tu, es-tu gravement blesse.”
“Charles, english please my head hurts so bad.”
Normally you’d be able to hold an entire conversation with him in French, but right now it was just too much.
“I’m sorry, where are you baby? Are you hurt bad?”
Sniffling softly, you hummed
“I am down by the marina; my head really hurts. The man who hit me…he-he is yelling loudly at me…can you-oh Charles your poor car….”
“No, don’t even worry about my car baby, you matter more to me, I can’t replace you, but I can replace the car. I’ll be there in ten minutes, keep the doors locked, don’t get out.”
You nodded, only then realizing he couldn’t see you. 
“Yes, okay, I’ll wait here…please hurry”
“I will chérie, I promise.”
-
Just like he’d said, a familiar black Alfa Romeo pulled up next to the crash site, Charles quick to get out and come towards the driver’s side door, only to see the man banging at the window. 
“Hey, can you step away from my car?”
The man turned to look at Charles
“Cette stupide salope a détruit ma voiture!”
“Je vous le redemande, éloignez-vous de ma voiture”
It was getting harder for Charles to reign in his anger, quickly pushing the man back, giving him a look that at this point in the evening, had him backing away, finally allowing Charles to open the door and see you
“Hey..hey.. I’m here, its okay?”
Charles swore his heart broke as you looked at him with teary eyes, a bruise above your eyebrow, but thankfully you appeared alright otherwise.
“I-I’m so sorry about your car Charlie, he just-he came out of nowhere, and I-I couldn’t-I am so so sorry!”
Holding back the sobs was almost impossible at this point, but Charles was quick to undo your seatbelt, helping you turn towards the door and put your feet on the ground. Once he had you turned toward him, he brought his hands up to hold your face, his thumbs swiping your cheeks.
“My love, listen to me, you are my main priority, you are the love of my life, and this car is just mental and parts, all which can be fixed, but you cannot, and I cannot have another one of you, ever okay?”
Sniffling you nodded
“Okay…”
In the distance you could heard the sirens coming your way, knowing you’d be going to the hospital, it was a given but for now you really just needed Charles, and he wasn’t going anywhere, that was for sure.
“Are you hurting badly baby?”
“No, just my head…can you help me up?”
Your boyfriend nodded, holding onto your arms gently as he helped you stand up, before bringing you into his chest, your arms wrapping around him, as he did the same to you.
“I am so glad you’re okay, you have no idea how worried I was…we’ll get you to the hospital and then i’m not leaving your side”
“Promise you won’t?”
Charles smiled as he saw your pinky finger come up, quickly linking his in a pink promise, a tradition you’d both been doing since your third date.
“I promise, i’m not going anywhere”
As the sirens got closer, you leaned further into Charles, knowing no matter what happened, he’d be by your side for as long as you needed him, he’d be there. It didn’t matter if he had a race, media or social events to attend, for you he’d drop them in a heart beat over and over again.
Because he never wanted to get that kind of phone call again.
translations:
-Qu'entendez-vous par ‘accident?’  Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé? Où es-tu, es-tu gravement blesse : What do you mean by 'accident?' What happened? Where are you, are you seriously injured?
-Cette stupide salope a détruit ma voiture!: This stupid bitch destroyed my car!
-Je vous le redemande, éloignez-vous de ma voiture: I'm asking you again, get away from my car
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