#manipulative relationship

[redacted-scp-antics]

Looong text coming and please don't ignore the warnings!

I'm bored •^• so I've decided to ramble a bit about my characters.

TW for mention of death and torture (NOT highly detailed, but take care). Also a manipulative relationship and memory loss.

-His name is Alkaios, he has no last name.

-Physically 29 years old. His real age is much higher but unknown. However, he existed long before humanity was a thing.

-He can NOT possess other people. Instead Alkaois simply regenerates.

-Is close to being immortal, but not completely. He can be killed, but so far, there are only very few who could take his life.

-Alkaios favorite color is turquoise.

-Adores rodents, especially chinchillas

-Works with MTF Delta-4 “Minutemen”.

-Suffers from recurring nightmares and has had many sleepless nights.

-He can creat tiny stars and sometimes gives them to others.

Alkaios is 1.80 meters tall, he is far from being buff but has some muscles thanks to his hard mtf training. They can be seen the most on his arms and legs. He can either be seen wearing his mtf uniform or simple jeans (preffering white, gray and black) a shirt and trekking shoes. During colder days, he is also wearing a peacoat and gloves.

Alkaois calls a silver-blue colored charm bracelet his own. It has different types of pendants. Two daggers, stars and crescent moons. This bracelet and a blue-silver colored dagger are his most important possessions.

He has the habit of shaving himself because he likes the smooth feeling. But doesn't mind body hair on other people.

His skin is light brown, he has bright green eyes, and his hair is black. It reaches down to the middle of his neck and is slightly wavy.

(Death and torture, manipulative relationship and memory loss are going to be mentioned in the following part!)

Alkaois is not a human, he is a part of an ancient species called the "starborn". His body is mainly made out of stars. As a Starborn he used to live inside a realm between the stars. His species was known for being kind and peaceful, preferring to avoid conflicts. For a long time, they existed in peace and were able to defend themselves from the few threats they had to face.

Everything in his life seemed to be alright until something happened that would change his life forever. Another species, the "Stareaters" attacked them, murdering almost everyone and leaving only five of them alive. He tried everything to protect his friends, but was quickly overpowered and forced to helplessly watch them all die.

During the destruction, he was eventually targeted by Carmient, a Stareater known for his cruelty. He was simply curious about how good Alkaois regeneration was. He destroyed his body and soul almost entirely, over and over again. Before finally deciding that he was done with his violent game. After attacking Alkaois one last time, he left and returned to his own realm. Due to the things he went through, his mind completely shut down, and he spent a long time period in a numb state.

Eventually, he regenerated again, far away from his realm. Having lost all of his memory, he wandered the place he found himself in. Before meeting the Foundation for the first time. Alkaois instinct took over, and he protected one of the agents from an attack. The Foundation expected him to die, and when he stood up again, they knew that he was not human. The agents asked Alkaois to follow them, which he did after a short moment of hesitation.

The Administration was already waiting for him. Making sure that the tests Alkaois went through were safe. He spend a while being closely watched by the Foundation especially the Administrator. Who at this time, was the only one who knew who Alkaois really was. However, Ascian decided to keep the whole thing a secret. He couldn't do it, Alkaois was already lost and afraid, and hearing what happened would have been too much in Ascians opinion.

Eventually, he joined the mtf and had many successful missions, making new friends among the Foundation personnel. He still suffered from his nightmares but felt happiness again, trying to see his future in a better light. This worked for a while before he met someone from his past.

Just like Ascian, Carmient had also noticed his return. At first, he just curiously watched Alkaois, before he decided to take action. Knowing that the starborn had lost his memories was amusing for him. This time Carmient approached him differently. He was kind and gentle, always understanding. Managing to slowly lure him in. It didn't take him long to make Alkaois fall in love with him. They spent months together, and for a while, Alkaois almost stopped caring about his memories.

He did tell Ascian that he had found a new friend, but he never mentioned any details. Up to this day, the Administrator deeply regrets not asking more questions and failing to protect him again.

Carmient eventually decided it was time to bring his new game to an end. He promised to show Alkaois what really happened and to make sure that he would finally understand his nightmares. Alkaois followed him into his realm. At first, everything seemed to be fine. Carmient showed him around, never letting go of his hand. After some time, Alkaois noticed something, the other people were staring at him in a strange, hungry way. They seemed to be mocking him. He was eventually unable to ignore this and asked Carmient for help. The stareater just smiled, offering to take him back "home" after he learned the truth.

Alkaois was by now surrounded by a large group of strangers. While listening to the person he loved so much, tell him what he and the others had done to his kind. Again Alkaois mind was starting to shut down. Carmient made sure that he knew that he was the only one keeping him alive and that a few simple words would be enough to bring him a fate worse than death. However, this time Carmient did not physically attack him. Instead, he escorted him back into the human world and waited until the Foundation picked Alkaois up.

By now Alkaois feels a deep hatred for Carmient and the rest of the species. Ascian has warned the Foundation about the danger they are all facing, and is more open about his own past. Trying to prevent everyone from being hurt.

[skinnymoss5609]

I tell you you hurt me,

You beg for me to stop.

You tell me that it hurts for you,

And all my words cut off.

Manipulation, betrayal, and guilt.

Just to name a few.

Things you brought and left me with,

But i am hurting you.

I told you I needed you once.

Just to hold me for a while.

You told me you had other plans,

And went there with a smile.

I kick and scream at my kitchen floor,

Trying to hold everything in.

But you turn the plot point back to you,

And my story finds its end.

[sadtallbean]

I did some journaling and came to accept the fact that I was infact was in a emotionally manipulative relationship. It was heartbreaking to realise because im still giving some benefit of the doubt to my ex. There were incidents were i felt like I was being manipulated but i let it go, to hold on to the good, blinded by the love, and made to feel guilty for thinking like that. He knows how i am, what kind of person i am, sensitive, emotionally vulnerable and he took advantage of that. Someone who apologises a lot, and made me feel guilty for most of our disagreements. Put the responsibility on me, questioning of don't you trust me, is this your trust, saying he felt misunderstood, he felt hurt, he felt unheard, making myself question my sanity, almost to the point where all of my triggers were triggered but made sure I couldn't say anything to him about it. He knew my buttons and pressed them accordingly and played me like his personal toy. Isolated from my friends, our mutual friends with stories of stories of how he is a victim of their ignorance and influenced heavily on my own struggles with them then made me cut contact with them, now he's all buddy buddy with them, while I'm struggling to come to terms with all of this. I'm at a position where I can't even say anything out loud because through out the relationship i was made to feel as the toxic one, and he'll just say that to them too, just like how he said for all his exes. How he's a poor victim and his partmers are all toxic.

Even now, he broke up wanting to explore career other people, not to be tied down by labels, by the conditions of a relationship, and still I'll be the love of his life, and that it's my decision if I want to take him unconditionally because ofcourse it's all up to me now, easy for him to manipulate others in the future, that he gave me love but it wasn't enough for me.

[r3alisticreads]

[paranoidsuggestion]

am I really just a toy to you?

[started-with-potter]

What do you buy someone for their wedding when you hate the groom and know he's going to leave the bride within the next 3 years?

But you're a bridesmaid and need to "appear" supportive of the relationship if you don't want to be cut out of the brides life completely

But seriously any ideas for presents?

[achingsunflowers]

i was manipulated

I’m not much of a writer, I’m much more a poet. Long well-thought out sentences never work well for me, but little short phrases that express how I feel usually work so much better in helping me to process my hurt. But for some reason that’s not been useful for me at all. I broke up with my ex about 6 weeks ago now and even though my world shouldn’t feel different at all, everything has changed. My ex was my favourite person in the entire world, I wanted to spend most of my time with them, I knew I wanted them to be in my life forever, I’d hoped it would be in a romantic capacity. We would have moved into a house somewhere in the countryside, adopt cats and dogs, and eventually adopt kids together. I’d built an entire life with them where I didn���t hurt anymore, far away from all the people who had ever hurt me, who had ever wanted to hurt me, far away from every place that housed painful memories within their walls. I gave everything to them, every ounce of the energy I had went to them, and I happily gave it all up. I thought that’s how relationships were meant to be, I gave 100% and shouldn’t have expected anything back. I shouldn’t have needed to expect it! 25% some days, maybe 50% on a good day, but it was okay. I had enough for the both of us! I was so very wrong.

Even as I write this, I’m thinking of how they would react if they read it, how they wouldn’t agree or how they would show their friends this and argue that I am painting them in an incorrect light, what I am saying isn’t true to the situation, that I’m overreacting or twisting the truth to suit my own agenda. And that’s so wrong. I should not have to tiptoe around someone who is living in my mind rent-free, should not be shielding their feelings in any way, shape or form from the truth. And this is how I know I was in a manipulative relationship, or at the very least, I was manipulated.

I didn’t recognise I was in a manipulative relationship until it was pointed out to me, and this seems to be a common theme of people in manipulative relationships. I was once asked if I thought they were manipulative, and I said no! I did not feel manipulated at all, had never seen any manipulative behaviour from them, so how on Earth could I think they were manipulative? This question stemmed from something their previous ex had said about them, and if I agreed with them, I was in massive trouble. Even if I had felt manipulated, how could I answer that question truthfully? They were very insecure about this ex, did not understand why they had been blocked from their life without any reasonable explanation, and so reacted in a way that they thought was appropriate as a result of this. (I recognise that is very vague, however I made a promise to myself that I will never expose intimate details about somebody’s life as it detrimental and unkind). And as such, this ex was intertwined within a much bigger situation. And so, asking them to not bring up their ex was completely out of the realm of possibility. Iwas then accused of telling them not to speak about the much bigger situation by asking them to not talk about this ex. I had asked them not to talk about this ex as it felt as though I was constantly being compared to them which was not good for me (as it would not be for many people).

It started with the little things, the smallest of things that my friends picked up on. “You seem sad, what’s happened?” “What’s happened now?” “You argued again? About what?” These questions were constantly asked, and I always had excuses. I ranted and raved to them, then got side-lined by my feelings (and calls and texts asking if we can just sort it out). “It’s just because I’m stressed.” “Things will be better when we see each other!” “I’m just frustrated because I miss you so much.” Pointless arguments. Constant crying. But it was all fine because we always sorted it out, we told each other no more arguments, this was the last straw. No more “second chances”.

My friends would ask me if I was happy, and I can say that I was. 100%. I was very happy, but I felt myself slipping. I felt pieces of myself disappearing, aspects of my life that used to make me happy no longer did. I withdrew from my friends; they didn’t understand that I love them! They didn’t see the parts I did, the loving, caring parts. The parts that would listen to me sob in the middle of the night, the parts that would tell me how much they loved me, how much I meant to them, how I was their soulmate and that they didn’t realise what love was until they met me. If I could show them those parts, then of course they would accept the relationship and accept that I was happy!

I withdrew from my family, going home for the weekend only to spend most of my time with my ex. I missed important moments, but it was okay! They asked me to spend time with my family and it was my choice not to! I now wish I had spent more time with my family, they missed me so much and I was so blinded by my love that I didn’t recognise that they need to be a priority. After spending all day with my ex, I was made to feel awful about the fact that I didn’t want to fall asleep on the phone with them. It was a “tradition” that we had forged together, one that was sacred to them, but was draining for me. Spending time with my family in the evenings was off-limits, them going to bed early to seemingly spite me. Or saying they were going to bed so I should call them to say goodnight. Only to end up on the phone with them until it would just be silly to stay up and do something with my family, so “might as well” just go to bed at the same time as them. I now recognise that I was manipulated into believing that I had the choice, any decision that I made was heavily influenced by them. And it should not have been.

Manipulated is a big word, but the research that I have done after the fact leads me to believe that I was manipulated, or there was an element of manipulation present within the relationship. I was essentially isolated, feeling guilty for spending time with my friends or going out with my friends. I was not wearing clothes that they liked when I went out, them saying they “trusted me but not other people”. Them saying that they didn’t think my friends liked them, until I stopped spending as much time as I would’ve liked with them. I was once asked if I had logged into their accounts without them knowing, them saying they trusted me but “just wanted to make sure”. I often felt as though I was going insane, began doubting my own sanity at times as I was being gaslighted, about the smallest things. “No, you didn’t tell me that.” “You’ve only told me about that once.” “You have never brought that up in an argument before.”. There were a lot of other more intimate situations were I was felt as though I was being manipulated however this is too hard for me to talk about right now. All of these things being small in isolation, but once you see the bigger picture, it becomes all so much clearer.

Their friends think I am crazy, think that I am irresponsible and do not own up to mistakes that I have made and accept responsibility. And they are entitled to this opinion. I believe that with the information they possess about me, that is a logical conclusion to come to. But the issue is that all the information that they have access to and have had access to is through my ex. The limited interactions I have had with their friends does not yield for an impressive cache of information about me straight from the source. I got yelled at by one of their friends, and she demanded that I give her my address so that my things could be given back to me. Now this invasion of privacy may sound insane, however this is something that I am used to. Shortly after the breakup, information about my eating disorder was given to the friend in question. And when confronted about it, excuses were made, and a half apology was given. The point must be made that if my ex was able to so freely give out that kind of information after the breakup, what kind of information was being given while we were together? An intimate situation like an eating disorder was clearly not off limits, the question of what would have been off-limits needs to be posed. Where was the line drawn? What was just knowledge to be freely tossed into everyday conversation?

My feelings were seemingly too much, I can think of many moments where my feelings were pushed aside and dwelled on as an afterthought, or not dwelled on at all. When this was brought up, it was my fault and among all the sobs I heard from them, I believed I was being too harsh and that it was not fair that I was also side-lining their feelings. But eventually I recognised that this was wrong, and I did not stand for it any longer. I suppose I should have realised there was a problem then and there, when the times that I had said “I didn’t want to tell you this before, but I need to talk about it” piled up like things on my to-do list. Or when the times that I lay crying silent tears in bed turned from every once in a while, to every couple of weeks to most days. It was a problem that I refused to accept, despite my friends telling me that I needed to recognise it as the bad sign it was. I also remember of a moment a few days before our breakup where a comment about me wearing a dress that I loved so much was made, I will never forget the sinking feeling when I heard it, and the echoes of the recognising signs of an abusive relationship talk that I had rang loud, more distant echoes of a talk I had a school ringing warning bells in my head. It was brushed off as quickly as I brought it up, told that I needed to stop being so mopey and that I was ruining the night by being sad. Rushed sympathetic looks from me and I pulled myself together. It was like that for a lot of things, I recognise this now. I am disappointed with myself, “I am a nurse for crying out loud” I scream to myself. “This should not have happened to me!” I cry in a pillow. “I should’ve known better.” I deadpan to friends.

As I said earlier, I was so happy most of the time. I do not wish to convey that I wasn’t, there were many good times and they weren’t manipulative all the time. I was in control at times, I made mistakes, I fucked up, I was an awful person. I am not saying that this person is bad, I am not saying that their heart is devoid of love, I do believe that good people can do bad things, but that does not mean that they are 100% bad. There are many happy memories that I will cherish, many times where I felt as though I had found the right person for me, that I had found my soulmate. And I will never forget or regret all the times we spent together in each other’s company, content and not wanting for a single thing. In the beginning we spent hours just talking about anything, I would laugh and laugh and feel as though I was the luckiest person in the world. I had never smiled bigger, I had prayed for happiness and God had given me what I had wanted, with the addition of another person who could love me with all their heart. My point is, I had never known joy like it, but I had also never felt heartache like it. The highs and the lows were deafening. But the highs were there, so I did believe that they were worth all the lows.

I feel guilt even after the breakup, so much so that I felt sick with grief and guilt because of what I had done. I was the one to have finished things completely (although we do not agree on that detail) and as such held a lot of guilt for being the one to turn my back on the relationship so to speak. This guilt continued as I tried to be friends with them, all coming to a head when a talk in a coffee shop lead to a screaming match and them storming off. A further continuation during a text message conversation where I was made to feel guilty about the fact that they are “crying all the time”, worrying that they will never “be happy again” or “fall in love again” or “be intimate with anyone ever again.”. One of the last text messages them apologising for “if they’ve ever made me feel guilty”. I responded with an appropriate “it’s not IF you ever did, you did.” It was very hard for me to have a backbone, I worried that I was being too harsh for days after the fact. Suffice to say, we no longer speak. I even feel guilty for having written this, for even considering putting it online for others to see. I suppose there is no reason for me to put this online but perhaps I need to. Perhaps it will help someone else that may be in a relationship where objectively they are happy, but they are worried about things. Or they do not know if they are being manipulated. Perhaps this can help someone make the first step towards leaving a relationship that is unhappy. Perhaps this can help someone talk to friends and family or someone they trust about their worries.

The thing I must stress is that there is no blanket definition for a manipulative relationship, but there are a multitude of resources that can help you take the right steps if you are worried or scared in your relationship.

All of this leads me to say that I am hoping to not have anger anymore, not to hold on to the things that keep me awake up night, the things that I worry about for future relationships. I am scared to even entertain the idea of being with another person, for someone to know the ins and outs of my life, scared to smile for fear that I’m doing something wrong, or disappointing someone. I can let go of the anger, but it’s the anxiety that I don’t think I can let go of. Or the immense sadness that I feel when I hear their name, the nauseous feeling I get when I remember the bad times, or the happiness I felt when I woke in the middle of the night to see them next to me. My bed feels bigger somehow, like there’s too much room. No longer am I cramped up against a wall but habit dictates that I somehow wake up pinned up or arms outstretched expecting to feel another body next to me. I almost feel guilty about the fact that I am dating, no dates just yet but I am speaking to people and expanding my horizons. I yearn for one person, but it is wrong for me to do so, and detrimental to the both of us, for I was not the best girlfriend, I had flaws of my own which I will not deny at all. I feel the anger inside of me but it’s not healthy for me to dwell on it, I felt the waves of anger crash and riddle my mind with thoughts, but the best thing for me to is to let it pass through as if it is a train not due to make a stop. I can see the thoughts and anger and recognise that they are there, but they do not need to be so prevalent within me. I have made my peace with everything that has happened, and I have learnt some very hard lessons. The only person I am to please now is myself, as much as it may hurt me to do so as I am a massive people pleaser.

So, even though I was in a manipulative relationship, it does not define me. It does not have to be my story; I don’t need to think about it ever again if I do not wish to. But what I will think about is red flags, and what I will do is listen to the people who I love and consider their opinion of anyone I wish to bring into my life. Most importantly, I will listen to myself and not let myself get into this position again, being much more careful with the people I allow to become close to and recognising that there are warning signs. I may miss the signs as I fall for this hypothetical person, but hopefully as I listen to my friends and listen to my own gut, I won’t ignore them when they scream out at me. My manipulative relationship was full of great times as well as bad times and so I didn’t realise that it was happening, it does not have to be all tears and arguments for it to be manipulative, or controlling or abusive.

I finish this with something I read as I was researching, anyone can fall into a manipulative relationship, no matter how smart, savvy or feminist you are - and realising that you’re in one doesn’t make you any less smart, savvy or feminist. It is not a reflection on me that this happened, and it is not my fault that this happened. It will never be my fault.

[r3alisticreads]

[askjennie]

Hi! My brother is in a manipulative relationship and is too infatuated to realize it. She keeps cancelling plans on him and telling him he should change things in his life because she's selfish; "you'd be more attractive with muscles" "you're not taking enough credits" etc. Meanwhile my brother keeps showering her with attention, tons of gifts, and obeying her requests. He won't listen to reason from my mom nor myself and thinks everything is normal & great. Can I do anything in this scenario?

Honestly, I don’t think there is much you can do. The more you try to ‘reason with him’ and tell him what a terrible person his girlfriend is, the more he is going to feel defensive, and want to defend the person he cares about, and want to spend less time with his mean family who won’t accept his relationship. It sucks to see someone you care about be treated badly, but you may just have to let him make his own mistakes. 

You can be a positive influence for your brother, and be encouraging when his girlfriend is not. For example, if she says he’s not taking enough credits, you can say “I think you’re working really hard, and I’m proud of you however many credits you’re taking this year” or, in order to help him develop his own decision-making power, “what do you think about taking more credits?”. If she says he’d be more attractive with muscles, you can say “I think you look great as you are, but if you want to change your body, I’ll support you”, or “what do you think about putting on more muscle?”. If she does something that you have to say something about, try to focus on the specific action (e.g. “it sucks that she cancelled on you - it feels like that happens a lot, and that doesn’t seem fair”) and avoid personal insults (e.g. “this is so typical of her, she’s such a manipulative bitch”). 

It might be difficult to do, but if you try to tell your brother what to do (i.e. dump his girlfriend), or constantly complain about what a bad girlfriend she is, all you’re going to do is push him away. Focus on being positive, letting him know what a great person he is, and showing him how he deserves to be treated by leading by example. Hopefully, he will figure this out by himself, when he’s ready.

[gotdaherp]

happy thanksgiving everyone! it’s been a while since i posted an update on things but a few months ago my ex texted me with this big ol apology. of course it was just a million emotions at once, the apology was admitting to everything and it was all I needed to hear... six months ago. he said something like I know things aren’t going to be back to normal again but I just hope we can still be in each other’s lives but it’s up to you. so I took a few days to think about it and eventually decided I finally felt relief... that I had finally been able to let go of everything, all of the feelings of bitterness and hurt.

so we started talking again and of course have been seeing each other since then. he opened up about going to therapy consistently and a huge intervention his family and friends had with him and everything he realized he had done to our relationship. and today is thanksgiving - and i’m going over to his place after dinner with my family. and thanksgiving last year was the big blow up - we got in a fight and he refused to talk to me so i️ tried to leave and he slammed the door right when I was trying to leave. he started yelling and turned into a different person. that was the one instance where I thought he might actually hurt me. and I cried and ran to the garage door and he followed me and i had never been so scared... I collapsed onto the floor and start hyperventilating and it was like he snapped out of it... he started stroking my back and apologizing and i couldn’t stop crying. and that was one year ago.

i️ do believe he is working on himself but today it’s hard for me to think of anything other than that moment of fear.

[cyrokinetic-iceman]

Here's the one thing people who've never been subjected to a toxic and manipulative relationship don't understand: you literally do not have the power to say no. Sure, sometimes you can. "Can we have pizza tonight?" "No because we had pizza last night." "Ugh fine we'll get something different." But that's with simple things. There's really important times that you can't. You try, but you can't. "Can't you pay more attention to me? I really feel like you haven't been giving me any attention today." "Sorry, I've been studying for finals." "Well take a break and pay some attention to me, please? I miss you. We haven't been talking a lot lately. I feel like we're drifting. I just want to know you love me. I miss you a lot. You don't pay a lot of attention to me, so can you please just take a break and talk to me for a little bit. Even if it's only ten minutes because you really haven't been talking to me." That kind of language, it's manipulative. It makes you feel like you're the bad guy because how dare you be doing something important for a prolonged period of time. How dare you study for your finals. How dare you not devote all of your time to your partner. How dare you focus on yourself. It makes perfectly acceptable and normal behaviour demonised and seemingly selfish. So then you say, reluctantly that you really do have to study because finals are in three days and you don't really know the material (because anytime you sit down to study or do schoolwork, they're pestering you for your undivided attention) and you HAVE to pass these classes or you'll lose your scholarship, you already did worse than you should have last quarter (because, again, all your time not spent sleeping or in class was forced in them or you were guilted into feeling like a bad person) and you can't afford to lose a $17,000 scholarship because your grades flopped. Then the whining and the pouting happens and the crying and begging and "can't we just call for ten minutes? I just really need to hear your voice. I've been having such a she's time lately. I miss you so much, we need we get to see each other anymore because you're always at school and you never call and I just really miss you and I just really need to hear your voice." And you could put the phone down or exit out if Facebook on your laptop but you know in an hour when you take a break from your work to get a snack or something, you'll have 99+ notifications from them whining and crying about how you're ignoring them and how you're acting like you don't love them anymore and they feel like they're going to hurt themselves and they've been thinking about killing themselves and they don't know how much longer this can go on. So now you feel gross and guilty because look what ignoring them as done. So you call them to calm them down because you love them and you don't want them to hurt themselves and you don't want them to kill themselves and you'll do better to make more time you promise, even though what should only have been a ten minutes break from studying has now become a two hour frantic phone call of them sob/screaming about how lonely they feel and how they miss you and how things are so bad without you there 24/7 and how they feel like a burden to everyone and "oh I'm taking you away from your studying I'm such an awful partner I'm so sorry I'm so awful i should just kill myself. Just ignore me and do your schoolwork I'll stop distracting you, etc..." But of course if you hang up on them or tell them okay, you're going to go back to studying, you can't focus because you have this gloomy cloud over you of: are they going to kill themselves, are they going to hurt themselves. I can't let them go in this condition. So you tell them it's fine and that you can talk for a little while longer but by now it's already 11 at night and youve been talking for four hours and haven't gotten any studying done. Or instead of ignoring them, you tell them you can call for ten minutes but that's it and then you have to go, but they keep prolonging your conversation so ten minutes becomes twenty, becomes thirty, an hour, and hour and a half and you REALLY NEED to go, but you can't end the conversation so you just stop replying vocally because you REALLY NEED TO STUDY and it's already 10 o'clock because your class let out at 8:05 and you tell her you need to go but "oh just one more thing it's been so long since we talked like this" but really it's only been a few days. Or instead of calling you say you'll be online and talk to them periodically but the second you stop rapid responding to them because you're studying or doing schoolwork they flood you with sad messages or those stupid sugar cub stickers that messenger has of the link koala crying about how it misses you and you can't stand the pestering and the constant berating of how you need to make more time so you tell them you need to go and you love them but then they're crying because they've annoyed you. It's an endless cycle that you can't escape from. And when you try to tell someone that your grades are slipping because of a toxic relationship, or that your grades skipped because of a toxic relationship, and they say that your bad grades are no one's fault but your own, they neglect to acknowledge the fact that for six months you TRIED to study and you TRIED to keep good grades but it's impossible to do when your study time is engulfed by your partner demanding your attention. And even after you've told your partner that they're modeling toxic and manipulative behaviour (because you're fully aware of what they're doing but you love them so much you're willing to let the fix it), all they do is cry about how shitty of a partner they are and how they're going to change but you never see the change. And when you finally break up with them, they try to pin it all on you and say how they bottled up so much because they felt like they could never come to you because you told them to give you more space, but they weren't bottling up the petty things and instead bothering you with those petty things and hiding big things from you. And even when you tell them that you need to break up with them orbits going to kill you because you can't handle the constant back and forth of it all and you just need room to fuckinf BREATHE, they act like you're the bad guy and call you abusive because you 'ignored' them and yelled at them. But you only ever snapped at them because they know you don't like being touched, especially sexually, and you don't like being pestered for sex, and you don't like being pestered, and you don't like going out for long periods of time and after all week at school and work and over-socialising you need just a few goddamn hours to yourself to relax and recharge because you're never alone when you have two roommates. But they don't leave you alone, ever, that was the biggest issue, and they don't stop touching you after you've asked nicely FIVE SEPERATE times, and your anxiety is clawing away at your chest and you can't HANDLE it anymore so you yell at them to LEAVE YOU ALONE. And now they're crying because you yelled at them and the spark is gone and "do you even love me anymore. I feel like you don't want this relationship to work out anymore. I feel like you're not putting forth any effort for this relationship anymore. Don't you love me? Why dont you love me?" But it's always you spending money to go across the sound to see them and it's always you sacrificing your time to talk to them. And when THEY have a serious problem, YOU need to drop everything to help them and talk to them and make them feel better. But the second YOU feel like you're going to kill yourself or that you're suffering from some health issues to cause a lot of pain and you just need some support, suddenly they can't be bothered, it's always a "I'm sorry babe :/" and "wish I could help you feel better." But if you were to respond with just those it would be unacceptable and "you need to show you care about me more" It's an endless cycle of you not being good enough, you not doing good enough, having to do better, never being better, you'll never be better, you can never be better because they don't really want you as a person they want you as an item, a title. "This is my partner," they say, beaming because they have a partner. But it doesn't matter that YOU'RE they're partner, they just wanted one. They were desperate for a naive enough person to be their partner so that could feel accomplished. They make you feel great for the first few months, maybe even the first YEAR, but once it's just you and them, once you're isolated (because of them) from friends and family, things go sour. Everything is your fault always, all the time, even if it's not. It is. You don't spend enough time with them but you live with them, my god, how dare you have a life outside of them that demands your attention to be away from them for more than ten goddamn minutes. Three years of this and you're so used to it, so far deep into it that you don't realise it's making you sick, making you depressed, hurting yourself and distancing yourself from your friends. you stop trying to make plans because plans interfere with your partner and how dare you have a life outside of them, remember? Your body becomes policed by them because they wanted a partner, remember, they didn't want YOU. So you have to fit the mold they created for their partner. You can't have this you can't have that, you can't wear this, don't get this, don't do this. Be this image they have in their head and if you dare deviate outside of it, then you might as well drop out of college and go back to living with them all the time. That's what they want. They want you 24/7. Anything less is not enough, and if you dare point that out they "just really miss living with you and going to bed next to you and don't you miss that too?" I don't know where I was going with this but these thoughts were all just building up in my head and I needed to get them out because maybe someone else can relate to this and get out before it's too late. But anyways, there were a lot of things I could have done differently in my relationship, but none of it would have helped and in the end I did the right thing by breaking up with them and taking a year off of school.

[r3alisticreads]

[aestheticallydestructive-blog]

That shitty feeling when you see a manipulative relationship and you don't know the victim well enough, but just enough, so if you try to help them the manipulator will twist it to where you're the bad guy. So pretty much all you can do is watch and wait until the manipulator either gets exposed, the victim realizes on their own, or until you have enough solid evidence... As much as I know people will tell me to tell the victim, the shituation is not that simple... Just damn it.

[trauma-help]

I'm in a manipulative relationship. He has taken everything from me, isolated we from friends, I have to give him my passwords and I'm so terrified of him. He threatens me and insults me over the smallest things and said he's going to break up with me because I fell asleep while we were texting. I feel like I have to tiptoe around him. I love him and want to be with him. How do I possibly stop him from being manipulative so we can be together? Im on my 'last chance'. - B (if I need to reply)

hey b!

So you can not make him into a person who is not manipulative, changing fundamental behaviour of a person is basically impossible by someone who isn’t a therapist, and even then it's not a given it can happen. So you should probably try and just try and stay safe my friend. 

I am so sorry he is manipulating you and threatening you again I just want you to be safe. If you are scared please try and find other people who can be there for you and try and keep you in a space where yu feel loved and supported if you are not getting it from your romantic relationship

Hope some of that helps

-Derky

[heavyinmyheart]

This was the last time I let you back into my life. This was the last time I heard you out. This was the last time I gave you a chance. This was the last time I let you break me. And that was the last moment I loved you, because believe me your name is far worse and more poisonous than any drug that I could ever take.

[xxyeahimweirdxx]

I dunno why, it’s bugging me again. But it makes me cringe and makes me nauseous thinking about not having an option. With him in an all or nothing kinda way but not the positive kinda way. Though these kinds of arrangements we know that’s just it and nothing else but even if I wanted to stop I couldn’t because the option was taken away from me before I even got to that point…. Like I have free will, always have but at that point he took my option to say no that day when he knew I wanted to…and acted like it never happened…