#maybe he associated darkness = loneliness back then and maybe he still does to this day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

missythecalicocat · 2 months

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So this is my first ever attempt to post my AO3 work on tumblr!! I’m not 100% sure on what I’m doing but yknow, I’m trying to learn 😭.

This is a puzzleshipping fanfiction that takes place after Yugi gets his soul returned to him from the whole seal of Orichalcos thing. Just to tell everyone, I haven’t watched Yugioh for a few years now and I’m a little rusty with the lore. I’ve started to rewatch it recently but I have yet to finish the seal of Orichalcos arc.

Anyway, some story tags, I guess… : puzzleshipping, Mature Audience, somewhat slow burn, rouge duel-monsters.

THE HARMONY OF THINGS

He was mad. Really mad, Furious even. He was so angry that Yami had let his darkness get the better of him. The moment Yami had played the seal of orichalcos it made Yugi doubt all the progress they had made. He knows deep down that Yami was a bad person before they became friends, but he had thought that Yami had changed for the better since. He was more caring then ever and Yugi fell for it. He let himself grow vulnerable with the corrupted spirit of an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh and Yugi hated to admit it but he had completely trusted the spirit with everything. Now that trust was crumbling like a house built on an unsteady foundation. It felt like he couldn’t escape the crumbling walls of that house. It was scary being trapped in a void with no one around. He felt lost and he couldn’t help but fall apart.

He fell apart and crumbled just like that house. He couldn’t stop the nagging feeling of loneliness that crept inside his mind. Like that loneliness was a disease, however, it was a disease he was used to. He was used to that disease as for years he had lived through that crippling feeling of loneliness. If it hadn’t been for Yami, he wouldn’t have escaped that depressing state that he was confined to for years but, Yugi knows that doesn’t mean he owes Yami anything. He didn’t ask for Yamis help. Well, okay he asked the puzzle for help, but that didn’t count because he wasn’t specifically asking Yami.

great now he’s rambling nonsense because he can’t make up his mind. Can he forgive Yami? Can he hate him forever? He groaned as he clutched his head and fell back onto his fluffy blue comforter. Ever since Yami had gotten Yugi back, he had been hiding from their bond and hiding in his soul room. It’s not like they need to talk about what happened or anything. Plus, Yugi is totally not mad, totally. Totally not! He’s so happy, very happy! Ecstatic even! Okay, the point has been made and now Yami is hiding from Yugi so Yugi can’t even work out his feelings. It’s so unfair and Yugi doesn’t know how to handle it.

He hates to admit it but he does in fact miss Yami. As mad as he is, Yami still earned a place in his heart that feels empty when he’s not there and he feels like a part of himself is missing. He groaned again before sitting up and staring at his full body mirror that stood in front of him. He laughed pitifully at the reflection that showed. Yami and Yugi had been the same person for so long that now he’ll never stop associating himself with his other half. He can’t even look at himself without seeing Yami. It was pitiful how it made his heart ache for the other. Wishing deep down that Yami was with him no matter how upset he was. He misses Yami more than he wants to admit and he’ll always hurt when the other isn’t here. When his soul was trapped he missed his friends but he ached for his other half to remind him that they were in this together. That he wasn’t alone. That he wasn’t alone like he was right at this moment. He felt so alone now that Yami was hiding and he didn’t know what to do about it.

Maybe one of his friends could help. Tea was the only one to have a conversation with Yami one on one, maybe she could help. With that thought he quickly grabbed his phone and messaged Tea to meet him at the train station. Without hesitation she had agreed and then he quickly got ready to leave then he hightailed himself out of his house. His grandpa was a little confused but shrugged it off.

”Yugi! Why did you want to meet?” Tea had asked him once he arrived at the train station. He was huffing to catch his breath as he knelt over with his hand on his chest. One finger pointed towards the sky as if saying ‘give me a moment’.

“I need help.” He said through his huffs as he looked up at her with a pitiful face. She nodded before leading them to his favorite burger joint. The entire walk he tried to catch his breath to which he successfully did after a few minutes of slow walking. The walk was silent until they had been seated inside the joint.

”It’s about Yami, isn’t it?” She asked and He nodded softly as he looked down at the fries on his tray. She sighed before she took a bite of one of her fries. “He was devastated, you know?” His eyes met her sad ones.

”He was?” Yugi asked her in response and she nodded as a sad smile tugged on her lips.

”He felt so guilty. He was crushed.” Yugi scoffed bitterly.

”He should feel guilty, because of him I had to sit alone for what felt like eternity.” He spoke bitterly and Tea frowned and sighed.

”That wasn’t entirely his fault, you did choose to sacrifice yourself instead of letting the seal take him.” Tea placed her head in her palm and Yugi frowned once more.

”But I wouldn’t have had to do that IF he didn’t use the seal in the first place!” He argued and Tea just stared.

”That’s not true. You didn’t have to sacrifice yourself. He didn’t force you to, you chose to.” Tea stated matter-of-factly and Yugi just groaned.

”But, I couldn’t let him seal his soul like that!” He huffed out a breath of annoyance.

”Why? Why didn’t you let him suffer the consequences of his own action?” She asked him.

”I— I just couldn’t” He answered with hesitation. He doesn’t know that answer himself.

”Why couldn’t you?” She asked, her voice steady and calm.

“I— I don’t know Tea, I just couldn’t!” He answered once more with the same hesitation.

”You do know Yugi, deep down you do, people are never that selfless without a reason.” Her voice was commanding as if she was commanding the answer out of him and he was panicking.

”I don’t know Tea!” He was angry at her now for asking him these stupid questions.

”You do Yugi! You do! Why couldn’t you let the seal take Yami! Why did you push him out of the way! Yugi you know the answer! Why!!” She got a little louder and he squinted his eyes.

”BECAUSE I— I LOVE HIM! I— I love him…” He started to quiet down when he was hit with the piercing realization. The heavy ache in his heart and the emptiness he feels when Yami is missing, all making sense with that revelation. “I wanted to save him, because I love him.”

Tea sighed when Yugi finally admitted to himself the feelings he harbored for his other half. “Yugi, he was heartbroken when he saw what he had done. He was lost without you. You need to talk to him.”

”It’s not like I haven't tried. He’s hiding from me like a coward.” Yugi huffed as he puffed out his chest and crossed his arms. His cheeks a slight dusting of red.

”You wouldn’t do the same thing? You wouldn’t cower from embarrassment and sadness?” She questioned and he looked at her as his once hard eyes had softened.

“I guess, I would hide too.” He mumbled and Tea smiled softly. “But I don’t know how to find him, his soul room is a maze. And he blocked our bond so I can’t telepathically reach out to him. It’s just to hard”

”Oh stop moping! You’ve been through far worse than a maze and you never gave up then! So why are you giving up now! Yami is one of, if not the, closest friends you’ve ever had! You love him for crying out loud, now go searching for him. Believe in finding him like you believe in the heart of the cards!” Usually her speeches were partially annoying, however, this time it was so inspirational. Maybe because it hit really close to home. “Now go find your boyfriend!”

Yugi blushed a deep red before swatting at her shoulder. “He’s not my boyfriend!!”

”Not yet,” She grinned and he rolled his eyes before smiling softly. No matter how annoying Tea is sometimes, she truly is one of his bestest friends and he appreciates her so much.

—

Now he’s home, laying down in his bed as he tries to focus on going into his soul room. To which, he was struggling greatly. Yami was the one who usually took him to his soul room because he was better than him at it. The only thing he truly remembered was that he had to close his eyes and focus on going into the puzzle. Which was apparently both simultaneously his soul and not. It was really confusing and he chose not to think about it.

Instead he laid in his bed and focused on going into his soul room. For a second he thought it didn’t work before he opened his eyes and noticed he was no longer in his bedroom. Now, he was laying in a bed that had light blue sheets and he was surrounded by toys. The entire room looked like a child’s fantasy. He’s been in here a few times, it’s usually where they start when Yami would bring him into his soul. Oh, how his heart yearned for those eyes. They were red, shining, and brilliant. Yugi wished he could sit and stare! Getting lost for hours on end in the crimson pools. He felt his face heat up as he thought about it, a soft smile tugged on his lips.

Determination filled his veins as he stood up quickly from the bed and walked to the soul room's door. He had to find Yami now! The speech Tea had given him flooding his thoughts once more. “Believe in finding him like you believe in the heart of the cards.” Now that he has a purpose maybe the road won’t be as winded and difficult to trek. Well, there’s only one way to find out.

His hand grasped the black handle as he opened the soul room door. A dark hallway greeted him and he hesitantly stepped out into the darkness. When Yami was here, he wasn’t as scared and with Yami gone he could barely step out into the hall. His heart hammering in his chest from his fear. He tried to stay calm by breathing in and out slowly and deeply, feeling his lungs inhale and exhale.

He turned to his right and he saw the glowing door of Yami's soul room. He walked to it and placed his hand on the golden handle. Before he opened the door he placed his head on the glowing eye and spoke softly, “I won’t be afraid, I won’t be afraid.” That mantra was meant to keep the nerves off however it didn’t do much to help when he was met face to face with the maze. The scary, gravity defying, 4d maze. It sent a shiver down his spine as he slowly walked beyond the doorway and into the room.

He could hear the sounds of his footsteps echoing inside the mazes walls. The eerie vibe gave him a chill as he slowly started to walk up a staircase. He kept mumbling about believing in finding Yami and how he wasn’t afraid. He noticed the etchings and tried to read the markings however, it all looked incomprehensible to him. He followed the hallway down towards a door though as he stepped in front of the door, the floor below him caved under his weight and he quickly grabbed onto a brick before he fell entirely into the void below.

“YAMI!!” He called out to his other half in hopes Yami would come running to his aid. He weakly tried to pull himself up with his own arm strength. Though as he put his weight onto the brick it slipped from its place and fell into the void as his non-dominant hand quickly grabbed the next closest brick. He didn’t have as good of a grip as he hoped and he felt his fingers slipping more and more off the brick as the seconds passed.

He couldn’t fall, he had to find Yami. With what strength he could muster and the adrenaline in his veins, he used those factors as he pulled his body up. Just enough for him to swing his dominant arm over the bricks in front of him and grapple onto the ground. Then he started to pull himself out of the hole, determined to make it to Yami. He pushed his arms into the ground below as he tried to swing his leg up and onto the bricks. What he didn’t think about was how weak the floor might’ve been, which he learned pretty quickly as the brick below him broke out of its place causing his grip to loosen as he slid off the bricks he just climbed back onto. His leg getting caught on the edge of a brick which scrapes down his calve and he winces in pain. His hand couldn’t get a good enough grip on anything and he felt his heart stop as he fell into the void.

We’ll, it started once again when he felt someone’s hand grab his. He looked up with excitement only to have that excitement drop into confusion. There stood the Dark Magician grabbing his hand and pulling him up. When his feet finally made it on to steady ground he looked back at the dark magician. His face morphed into hesitance as he stared at the magician.

“Dark Magician? How did you…?” As he asked that question he remembered a moment where he was faced with the dark magician before. It was him and Shadi and Shadi had threatened to summon the blue-eyes white dragon in Yami's Soul room, however Yugi was able to convince him not to. Only Yugi was able to calm the dark magician.

The dark magician never spoke, however, he did pick Yugi up from his semi standing position. The dark magician held Yugi in a bridal position that caused a subtle heat to rise to Yugi’s cheeks. “Wh-what are you doing!”

Yugi followed the dark magician's eyes to his injured leg and smiled softly. “I’m fine Dark Magician, I can walk on my own.” The magician looked at him with soft eyes before gently putting him down on his feet. The magician grabbed his hand gently to which Yugi blushed and gasped in surprise, before dragging him out of the hallway they were in. Yugi’s heart hammered in his chest as he felt the death grip that the magician was holding his hand with. “Wh-Where are we going?”

The magician stopped before turning to Yugi and pointing at his millennium puzzle. “But aren’t we already in the puzzle? How are you gonna take me to a place I already am?” He asked and the magician shook his head before grabbing both of Yugi’s hands again, placing both of them in one of his. Which caused Yugi to blush at the apparent size difference. Then the magician pointed at Yugi’s heart and he looked at the magician in confusion, only to be met by a smile. One he never thought he’d see on the dark magician. Then the dark magician let go of his hands before pointing at him once more then making a heart with both of the magicians hands. Yugi picked up that the magician was trying to say something along the lines of “your heart” which to Yugi was “my heart”. Then it clicked.

“You'll take me to Yami? You know where he is?” He asked and the magician nodded before grabbing Yugi’s hand once more as if to say, ‘follow me, I’ll lead you’. Contently, Yugi followed the magician as he led Yugi through winding mazes. Yugi felt like he walked around in circles with each stairwell and hallway they passed. The maze felt like it went on forever, at least, it did until yugi bumped into the back of the dark magician. Noticing the magician had stopped, Yugi looked up at him.

“What’s wrong?” He felt the magician tense as the magician grabbed out his staff. Then he heard the noise of quick paced footsteps running towards them from the dark end of the hallway. He tensed as he saw the figure of his other self running towards them. “Yami!!”

Yamis eyes snapped towards Yugi as his face morphed into confusion and then into concern. Yugi had to resist the urge to run up to him and grab him. “Yugi! What, what are you doing here?” Yami was now standing in front of him.

“I was—“ then a loud screech cut him off as he looked past Yami and saw Joey's Red eyes flying out of the darkness. Yami quickly grabbed onto Yugi and held him in a protective grasp as the dark magician stepped in front of the both of them with his staff aimed at the red eyes. “Wait! We don’t have to kill it do we? Red eyes did nothing wrong!”

“Yugi—“ Yami started as Yugi moved out of Yamis protective grasp. Yugi stood in front of the others as he looked at the attacking red eyes.

“Red eyes please, it’s me Yugi!! You have to remember me! Please!” Red eyes didn’t stop his assault forward and Yugi frowned. “Please” he begged one last time as he closed his eyes in anticipation. However, nothing happened and he opened his eyes. Seeing the red eyes flying right in front of him as its attack had halted. The red eyes gently put its head in Yugi’s hand and rubbed against it like a dog would. “What’s wrong, red eyes? Why were you attacking?” The dragon roared as it laid down on the ground. It looked like it was in pain.

“Red eyes?” He knelt down and gently petted the dragon's nose.

“Yugi I think we should—“ Yami started to walk up towards Yugi but Yugi shook his head no.

“Somethings wrong Yami, you can’t hide from this problem too!” Yugi didn’t mean to come off as rude and angry as he did. The look of sadness that filled Yamis eyes at Yugi’s remark broke Yugi’s heart. “I— I’m sorry Yami I didn’t—“

“No… you’re right, I can’t hide anymore.” Yugi smiled softly at Yamis resolve and nodded.

“Speaking of not hiding anymore, we need to have an important conversation.” Yugi stood in front of Yami and Yami looked away. “Yami I—“

Then the loud noises of more monsters came from the halls. He can’t keep getting interrupted like this! He turned his attention down the hallway as he saw zombie monsters start walking out of the hallway. Quickly Yugi crouched down to red eyes and woke it up from its slumber. Weakly the dragon started to fly up and follow its humans.

“Dark magician!! Attack the zombies!” Yami yelled and the dark magician got ready to aim his attack at the zombies.

“NO! Dark Magician, don’t!! PLEASE.” Yuhi pleaded and the dark magician gave a look of confliction. Then the magician aimed an attack and Yugi cried out trying to stop the magician. However, Yugi was pleasantly surprised when the magician didn’t attack the creatures, however, it attacked the ground between them and the creatures. Causing the ground to collapse between the monsters and the others.

“Yugi—“ Yami looked at Yugi with a look that was completely unreadable. Yugi turned his body towards Yami.

“Please, can we not hurt the monsters? I don’t want them to get punished when they did nothing wrong but exist.” Yugi pleaded with his darker self and Yami bit his bottom lip. Then, Yami nodded softly.

“That’s very kind of you Yugi, if you think we shouldn’t hurt the monsters then… I guess we won’t.” Yugi smiled as Yami spoke. The way Yami looked at him made him get embarrassed. It was the pure astonishment and adoration in Yamis eyes that made Yugi get shy all of a sudden. “I’m sorry, for attacking the monsters and, I’m sorry for every wrong I’ve—“

Yugi put a finger to Yamis lips. As much as he wants to have this conversation, he definitely thinks now is not the time. “We’ll talk about it later, we have a mystery to solve. For Right now, we’re okay. Let’s just get the mission over.” Yami nodded before grabbing Yugi’s hand softly.

“Alright, everyone follow me, let’s get out of here and try to figure out what’s going wrong!!” Yami dragged Yugi as the good monsters followed them.

“Do you think there are good monsters who know what’s going on?” Yugi asked and he heard the dark magician grunt. “Do you know something, dark magician?”

The Dark Magician nodded as he closed his eyes in focus. Everyone stopped as the magician had stopped all movements. The dragon got on the ground and got comfortable. Then the sound of feet running towards them from the opposite direction was heard. Yugi instinctively hid behind Yami.

“Yugi!! Pharaoh!!!” The woman yelled as she ran up to them and out of the darkness. Yugi’s eyes widen as he sees the duel monster Dark Magician Girl, running up to them.

“Dark Magician Girl!! Did the Dark Magician call out to you?” Yugi ran up to the girl and she nodded.

“I’ll explain everything, but we have to go! There are more monsters on the way that will not hesitate to hurt us!” Everyone nodded and the dragon flew up into the sky, ready to follow the humans. With that they all followed the magician girl, no hesitation needed.

They ran through hallways, doorways and stairwells before they finally stopped in a room with a bunch of monster engravings. The dark magician and the dark magician girl had stood in the middle of the room, back to back, chanting something Yugi couldn’t understand. Then the tablets started to shake as duel monsters started to come out of the tablets.

“Wh-What are you doing?!” Yugi asked the magician girl and she winked at him.

“Do not worry Yugi, these Monsters are on your side! And we’re gonna need all the help we can get!” Once all the monsters came out of the Tablets Yugi felt a fuzzy thing rub against his cheek. He immediately knew it was Kuriboh. The fuzzball cuddled him and Yugi let it.

“Now, tell us what’s going on Dark Magician Girl.” Yami said with a gruffy tone in his voice.

The magician girl nodded before walking in front of them. “The balance was thrown off, the harmony of darkness and light was thrown out of balance which caused a bunch of monsters to free themselves from the tablets. Some good, some evil.”

“What threw the harmony off balance?” Yugi asked and before the magician girl could respond, Yami spoke with sadness within his voice.

“The seal of orichalcos…” Yugi frowned as the Dark Magician Girl nodded.

“Because of the seal, the balanced Harmony between light and dark was thrown off.” She explained and Yugi frowned as he looked at Yami. The face of despair on Yamis features. Yugi quickly walked over to Yami and hugged him, Yami tensed as he looked at Yugi. “But please don’t despair pharaoh, just like how you created more darkness, yugi can create more light. His pure generosity and love can change the monster's heart. Like he did the red eyes.”

Yugi looked at her with surprise in his eyes. “Me? I can help.” The magician girl nodded.

“Yes, Yugi, you are the light while Yami is the darkness.” The girl spoke with her chipper voice. Yugi nodded before looking at her.

“Can we save them all? Can we save them without hurting them?” Yugi asked and the magician girl frowned a little.

“You can save most of them, but some were evil before the balance was thrown off. Those who were evil before cannot be saved.” With that answer Yugi frowned. “That’s why there’s Yami, those dark creatures don’t stand a chance against the Pharaoh. Yami has to do his part, just like you Yugi.”

“But, they did nothing wrong but exist, why do we have to punish something that did nothing wrong! Because some evil sorcerer people corrupted those monsters? I just wish I could save them all!!” Yugi hated this, he hated hurting others. It made his head ache

“I’m sorry Yugi, I really am, if it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t be in this situation and I—“ he started though Yugi cut him off.

“We’ll talk about it later Yami, please let’s just focus.” Yami nodded before turning his head away. “How am I supposed to fix this?” Yugi asked the magician girl.

“That is a question I do not have the answer to, I’m sorry Yugi.” She answered softly and sadly and Yugi looked down. Of course there is no solution, there’s never a solution. He always has to figure it out!

“Maybe since Yami used the seal of orichalcos I have to do something on the opposite side of the spectrum? Agh I don’t know.” He suggested before shaking his head.

“Maybe, or the problem could be more inward as opposed to outward!” She suggested and Yugi looked at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asked her and she smiled once more.

“Maybe it’s much less the creatures that are broken, but more the light and darkness itself.” She says, still cryptic and confusing.

“Huh? I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean?” Yugi frowned as the Dark Magician Girl shrugged. Well he won’t think about it like that. In the middle of their conversation a monster had walked into the door outside the room they were in. “Don’t kill it! It did nothing wrong!”

Then the sound of more monsters piled on the door. Yugi frowned as the magicians got ready to attack in front of him. “No!! Please!”

“Go, please, we will hold them off! We will try to not kill any of them. Take red-eyes with you two!! Now go!!” The magician girl demanded and Yugi nodded. Red-eyes was quick to follow the other two as they ran out the other exit of the room. Yugi hated this!! He hated everything about this!! He felt like he couldn’t do anything.

“Yugi, stop.” Yami said as he stopped his movements. Yugi quickly turned around and came face to face with Yami. “Yugi i—“

“Please Yami we don’t have time—“ he tried to dismiss Yamis attempt to make amends.

“No please, Yugi listen, I admire your optimism and how blinding it is. I just wanted you to know that I admire you Yugi.” Yugi sighed at Yamis little speech and smiled softly. Yugi made an attempt to move to Yami however, the loud booming from the direction they came from ruined the tender moment. “Okay now we’ve really got to go”

Yugi let Yami drag him along, Yugi’s hand firmly placed in Yamis. Yugi’s heart pounded in his chest as he felt the bond was still blocked off. He frowned at the idea that Yami hadn't opened back up to him yet. He really wants to talk to Yami about the whole ordeal, however, he deems the current situation more important. They made it to a door and Yami carefully opened it and noticed it led down a separate hallway. Then they heard the thump of a large weight hitting the floor. Quickly Yugi turned around and noticed Red Eyes weakly huffing on the ground. He ran to the poor dragon before petting it on the head.

“Yugi we don’t have time! We have to go!” Yami argued with Yugi’s actions and Yugi shook his head.

“Yami! We can’t leave Red-Eyes here defenseless!” Yugi argued back.

“The Red Eyes will be fine!! Yugi if you even get hurt that could compromise the entire mission! You are more important!” Yami tried to grab Yugi’s arm however Yugi pulled back.

“You may be a ruthless Jerk who doesn’t care for others but I’m not!! You can leave, I’ll stay with Red Eyes!” Yugi slightly pushed Yami away and knelt back down to Red Eyes, hugging the dragon's head.

Then the ground started to rumble and shake from below them. Yugi looked at Yami as the ground started to crumble around him. Then it broke.

“YAMI!!” Yugi lurched forward and grabbed onto Yamis hand as the void threatened them. “I’m so sorry!!” Yami looked up at him with a broken look on his face.

“No, you’re right, Ra, you’re always right Yugi. I am the one who doubts you and causes everything to crumble.” Yugi struggled to hold Yami up from the void. “I always mess up by going against your decisions! Or not taking into account how you might feel. I’m sorry Yugi, I really am.”

“Shut up Yami, stop talking about this as if I’m gonna let you go!” Yugi grunted as he tried to pull Yami up from the emptiness.

“I’m sorry Yugi.” Yami apologized once more and Yugi shook his head.

“Shut up Yami!! Stop it! Stop giving up!” He groaned as he dug his feet into the ground and pulled Yami up with all his strength. Yami grabbed onto the bricks with his other hand and pushed himself up out of the void. Once Yami was out of the void and safe, Yugi collapsed onto the ground. Feeling his heartbeat in his ears.

“Thank you aibo” Yugi felt something brush against his forehead and he opened his eyes. Seeing Yami brushing his hair off of his sweaty forehead. And just as quickly as Yami started moving his hair, he stopped before standing up. Then he offered a hand to help Yugi up to which Yugi took the others hand without hesitation.

“Of course, other me,” they stared at each other with a soft smile. Yugi felt his face heat up as blush spread across both of his cheeks.

“I’m sorry Yugi, I truly am.” Yamis hand reached out to take Yugi’s and Yugi could sense the change in tone. What was once a scary situation had turned into a moment of romance or at least to Yugi. It was nice until Yugi started to overthink about it and second guess the signs. Did Yami like him back or was this just a desperate attempt to settle Yamis nerves after he almost just fell into the void of his soul. Yugi shook his head before taking his hand back and awkwardly hiding it underneath his arm. Yami gave a look of confusion before frowning and taking his hand back.

“Let's just keep moving. C’mon Red-Eyes, let's go.” Yugi petted the dragon on the head as it started to get up. Flying up into the sky.

“We have a small issue Yugi, the ground below is broken past this point and we cant jump the gap.” Yami pointed out and Yugi nodded.

“It would be a problem if we didn’t have a dragon who could fly! Do you think you could fly us across the void Red-Eyes?” Yugi had asked the dragon and it huffed out before sitting down on the ground, allowing the humans to mount it. Yugi smiled and nodded as he gently threw his leg over Red-Eyes' back and sat himself comfortably on it. He gave the dragon a gentle pat. “Thank you buddy.” The dragon roared and huffed. Yami hesitantly sat on the dragon's back, right behind Yugi. Yugi blushed as he felt Yamis chest press against his back and as the dragon stood up and started to fly, Yami pressed even more into Yugi. The Red-Eyes roared as it soared across the empty void. Yugi could feel the heat radiating off of Yami and Yugi tried to shake off the, not so appropriate, thoughts from his head.

“Yugi what's wrong?” Yami asked him and he tensed. He awkwardly laughed.

“Nothing! Haha, don’t worry Yami!” he answered and Yami hummed. He could tell Yami didn’t believe him, but Yami didn’t want to push him again. Yugi was very grateful for that aspect of Yami.

Once they made it to the other side of the void and landed on the brick path, Yugi and Yami had gotten off the dragon who happily huffed. Yugi gave the dragon a gentle pat to the head before looking towards his other self.

“Was saving Red-Eyes a good idea now?” He asked his other self and Yami smiled.

“Yes, I suppose it was. Now let’s go.” Yugi nodded at Yamis order and happily followed Yamis every move. It was relatively quiet in the maze as they walked down the hallway. The only thing that could be heard was the footsteps echoing down the halls. Yami and Yugi both continued to walk down the hallway; the silence between them was deafeningly loud. Nervously Yugi fiddled with his fingers as they never spoke. He was upset about the whole seal of orichalcos issue, of course he was, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to talk to Yami. He always wants to talk to Yami and because Yami is in his embarrassed and hiding from the issue phase, it means that Yugi is struggling to talk to him. He had to talk to Yami, he had to break through that wall!

“You know the gang misses you right?” Yugi stated softly and Yami looked towards him with an unreadable expression on his face.

”They miss me?” He asked, his expression unchanging.

”Yes, they do, greatly. I don’t think you realize how important you are to them. Just like me they spent time helping you achieve your goal. Even if we haven’t gotten all your memories back yet.” Yugi smiled at Yami and Yami’s lips curled into a frown.

”Look how I repaid them for their kindness.” Yami didn’t look back at Yugi as he just walked ahead of Yugi, using his long legs to get quickly past Yugi. Yugi frowned, seeing his attempt to help raise Yamis mood backfire. He sighed before jogging to catch up to Yami.

“Yami, no one is mad at you.” He started as he grabbed Yami’s arm. Yami glanced at him before a small painful smile tugged on his lips. “Let's just talk like we used to do, okay?”

He nodded softly as he slowed down so Yugi could keep up with him. They did in fact talk a bit. They discussed some strategies as they walked. Yugi enjoyed it quite a bit. He enjoyed being able to talk to his best friend. The one he harbored feelings of love towards.

They talked and walked directly into a giant opening with a nice fountain in the center. The first thing Yugi noticed was the etchings on the wall. All of them leading towards the fountain which also had etchings and carvings on the bricks. Yugi heard the sound of a large thump and he looked in the direction it came from. That’s when he physically had to restrain himself from audibly squealing. The sight before him was the Red-Eyes dragon laying down in a funny way. Both claws playfully stretched out.

”I think we should take a break for Red-Eyes, he doesn’t look like he’s been doing well.” Yugi knelt down onto his knees and started to pet the dragon on its belly. The dragon made a noise that could only be picked up as excitement, primarily because the dragon jumped up and licked Yugi directly on the face right after making that noise. Yugi giggled as he pet the licking dragon.

“Heh, alright, we’ll take a break.” Yami knelt down as well as he joined Yugi in his petting. The Dragon then turned to Yami and started to lick his face as well, practically jumping onto the human. The dragon reminded Yugi of a happy dog. Yami chuckled whole heartedly and Yugi felt his face heat up. Looking at Yami he noticed that when Yami is happy his eyes close and he looks beautiful. Elegant, even while a dragon is licking his face and the way he chuckles. The sound was like music to Yugi's ears. His voice was so deep however, when he chuckled it raised a few levels. Yugi could get lost while staring at him.

He couldn’t help the way his heart would beat when Yami smiled. He couldn’t help the love that would fill in his veins when he saw that his other half was happy. Maybe that’s why Yugi would call Yami his other half. Maybe it's because without Yami, he feels like a glass that’s only half full. He feels like he misses a major part of himself. Yes, Yami was a bad person, Yugi knew that, but that didn’t stop the love from growing. Because just like Yugi has made Yami a better person, Yami has also made Yugi a better person. Yugi was a shy kid who could barely speak his mind, however, thanks to Yami, Yugi’s confidence has greatly improved. He’s not as afraid to speak his mind and he has even started combating his massive stage fright. That was all thanks to Yami. The ruby eyed male that had made Yugi realize he was not as straight as he thought he was. He chuckled to himself before Yami looked in his direction.

”we should probably get moving again! I think Red-Eyes is energized enough.” Yami pointed out and Yugi saw the tail wagging happy dragon hopping in place. Yugi chuckled once more before standing up and wiping off his knees. A soft smile dancing across his lips as he happily continued walking.

”Red-Eyes really acts like a dog, don’t you agree?” He asked Yami and Yami looked at him puzzled.

”Dog?” He questioned and Yugi froze. “What is a dog?”

”You don’t know what a dog is? It’s like an animal on all fours that plays just like Red-Eyes did!” Yugi explained to the best of his ability.

”Oh! Then I guess, Yes Yugi, Red-Eyes is like a ‘Dog’.” Yami answered his original question before pausing. “Yugi look! An exit!” Yugi quickly turned his attention towards the metal door that was in front of him. The fact that the door was completely different from all the others freaked Yugi out.

“Yami lets not rush into—“ Yami was already over by the door before Yugi could even spit out his warning. “Oh whatever, what’s the worst that could happen?��

Yugi happily skipped towards Yami. Now he was eating his words because as soon as he stepped next to Yami a pit opened below them dropping them into a relatively small cube and to make matters worse, the once open roof turns to stone as it seals them inside. What’s the worst that could happen Yugi? Oh who knows, MAYBE GETTING TRAPPED INTO A SMALL SPACE WITH YOUR CRUSH. He groaned as he felt Yami squirm backwards, accidentally rubbing against Yugis inner thigh during the movement. Yugi whimpered before quickly covering his mouth as his face grew ten times hotter.

”Are you okay Yugi?” Yami asked him and Yugi sighed.

”I—I’m fine Yami, Just—Just afraid of confined spaces. That’s all” Yugi was begging to Ra that Yami believed him. He didn’t want to face the embarrassment of getting aroused due to the forced proximity between them. The box they were in was longer than it was tall. Both of them could somewhat comfortably sit however, Yugi assumed that the box wasn’t tall enough for either of them to properly stand up. At most, maybe standing on the knees (If your back was hunched and in an awkward position.

Yami only responded with a subtle hum of acknowledgment before putting on a stoic face. Yami huffed out a breath as he tried to move himself up, Yamis leg gently rubbed against Yugi’s inner thigh once more. Another yelp forced its way out of Yugi’s mouth and he quickly covered his mouth again. Yami froze as he looked down at Yugi. His ruby eyes staring into Yugi's amethyst ones.

”Yugi? Are you sure you’re okay?” Yami asked him once again and Yugi nodded as he tried to widen the spread of his legs, in an attempt to get away from Yami’s assaulting leg. Though the wall blocked his efforts mostly. Yami frowned as he was able to get his knees planted on the ground, his knee passing Yugi's inner thigh once more as he hunched forward. Yugi felt his once soft cock twitch and tense in his underwear. Making his pants tighten uncomfortably.

”Yami, Stop moving please!” He pleaded with his other half who just stared at him in confusion.

”What’s wrong Yugi?” He asked and Yami felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

”You—“ He started to explain, however his mouth ran dry. He embarrassingly covered his crotch and squinted his eyes shut. He heard Yami whisper a silent “Oh”.

Yugi blushed as he curled in on himself in embarrassment. Yami didn't try to move at all anymore. The forced proximity to Yami makes Yugi's heart race at high speeds. He could feel Yamis breath hit the tip of his red nose and now with Yami looming over him it was even harder to calm the furious beating in his heart. He just wanted Yami to do something to ease his arousal but the part of his brain that wasn’t fully clouded in arousal told him to just hide.

Yami looked at the wall above Yugi’s head and Yugi tried to sneakily adjust himself in his regrettably skin tight pants. The slight pressure he had to apply to the area so he could successfully move the pants caused him to sigh in relief. A bit of that pressure in his groin had released, however, not but a few seconds after the pressure came back ten fold. He groaned uncomfortably as he tried to think about anything that would turn him off. However, mind drew a blank as Yami slightly shifted, trying to get himself into a more comfortable position. Yamis knee brushed even closer to Yugi’s crotch this time which caused Yugi to let out a whine and a moan.

“I’m sorry Yugi, I didn’t, I thought I could—“ Yami was quick to apologize to the flustered male who just groaned. Yugi couldn’t take this, he knew that the staring from earlier today would haunt him. His legs shook from how tense his legs were.

“Aghh, get me out of here Yami, please I can’t be trapped like this!” Yugi didn’t mean for his plea to come out as strained and sexually motivated as it did. Sadly it was too late to change how he spoke. Yami didn’t move as he looked like he was contemplating something.

“I, I can’t move, how am I going to get us out of here?” Yami asked as he stared and Yugi and Yugi groaned.

“God, Yami I don’t care, I just can’t be in this box anymore! Not while I’m feeling um, like this.” Yugi huffed and pushed his back against the wall, trying to provide more space for Yami to move. Yami didn’t move.

“Yugi, are you sure? I could accidentally… um—“ Yamis expression had barely changed. The only difference was a subtle lift of his eyebrows and widening of his eyes.

“Yes, please just, do something.” Again, Yugi didn’t mean to plead in such a sexually motivated way, but he couldn’t help it. It was only mirroring how hot and bothered he was feeling.

Yami nodded silently as he pushed up into the ceiling, trying to push it out of place like you would a manhole cover. The way Yami tensed his leg to push into the ground made Yugi shudder. The muscle of Yamis leg is highlighted by the skin tight jeans. Yugi whined softly as the inappropriate thought of riding Yamis leg shocked his system. His spine tingled as he imagined the gruff voice of Yami demanding him to do things.

He needed Yami so bad right now and he knew he couldn’t ask. He knew he shouldn’t beg the spirit to touch him like the way he imagined. It took all his self control to not just straight up ask Yami. “This is so embarrassing.”

Yami looked at him once more, a small sympathetic smile on his face. “It’s alright Yugi, these things happen in the most inconvenient times. I would never judge you for that.” Yugi softly smiled at Yamis response, still feeling embarrassed but just a little less.

The subtle gruff in Yamis voice set a fire inside of Yugi's veins and with each hesitant movement of Yamis body, Yugi’s resolve slowly ebbed away. Being forced to breathe the same hot air as Yami was like torture to the lust riddled brain. He wanted to feel Yami’s hand touching him and caressing his body. He wanted Yamis Ruby red eyes to dig into his soul and reveal every hidden secret desire.

Oh, screw it.

Yugi grabbed onto Yamis arm which halted Yamis movement. He looked up at Yami with pleading eyes and Yami just stared back at him.

“Please, Yami.” That's all that Yugi could get out as the rest of his words got caught in his throat. Yami didn’t react at first which scared Yugi and it made him think like he just messed up everything. However, not but a few seconds later, Yamis lips met Yugis with urgency and need. That surprised Yugi but he willingly kissed his other half back. That kiss was fueling the fire in his veins as he wrapped his arms around Yamis neck. Yami pushed him against the wall as his arms wrapped around Yugi's waist.

“Yami,” Yugi moaned out his other half’s name as Yami slowly started to kiss down Yugis chin and down to his neck. Licking and biting at Yugis neck as he left a trail of marks down.

“I was waiting for you to ask.” Yami groaned as he bit Yugis lip. Yugi could see the need in Yami’s own eyes.

“Wh–What?” Yami stared into Yugi’s eyes. His ruby red iris’s staring into Yugi's Amethyst purple ones.

“I am not naive or blind Yugi. I’ve seen the way you look at me.” Yami stated and Yugi felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Yami had known that Yugi was staring at him.

“I’m sorry I—“ Yugi started to apologize before Yami stopped him.

“Don’t be embarrassed Aibo, those looks just made me want to ravish you more.” Yugi whined at the choice of words Yami had decided to use. Ra, he was so desperate for the man that he felt pitiful.

“Yami, please!!” He begged his other half and his other half quickly got to work kissing down his neck. He heard the sound of his own belt unclasping as it slowly fell to the side of his body. He gasped when Yami placed a firm palm against his hard on. A shiver of pleasure ran up his spine. The touch relieved enough pressure in his groin for him to relax a little. Then the sound of a zipper fell upon his ears and next thing he knew, Yami had Yugi's cock out. What was once a soft flaccid penis had been turned into one hell of a raging boner. He felt a little embarrassed being exposed to Yami but the smirk on Yamis face washes that embarrassment away.

“You’re so beautiful Yugi,” those words of flattery that came out of Yamis mouth made Yugi's heart warm inside his chest.

“Thank you, you’re pretty beautiful yourself.” The way Yami looked up at him made him groan. Yamis back had arched inwards as he placed his head right beside yugis hard on. He watched as Yami looked back at his cock before licking a stripe up the base of it. Yugi moaned and twitched as a shock pleasure ran up his spine.

One of Yamis hands grabbed the base of his cock before stroking it. Yugi moaned loudly as he gripped onto Yamis shoulder. Yamis lips came down and kissed the tip of his cock before Yamis lips encased the head of his cock with his mouth. Yamis mouth felt warm and wet, Yugi could barely keep his mind grounded with such a simple pleasure.

Lazily Yamis hand stroked him up and down earning a moan each time. Yami hollowed out his mouth as he started to bob his head up and down on Yugi's hard on. Whatever he couldn’t fit into mouth he stroked with his hand.

Yugis mind was begging for more as his legs twitched and his hips bucked into the mouth of his other self. He groaned at every lick and stroke. The way Yamis mouth felt around him made him feel so good. He couldn’t help the guttural moan he let out as he looked down and saw that Yamis eyes were staring up at him. He keeps his eyes locked with his other self, both of them watching eachother. Yugi grabbed his other self’s hair and tugged on it, trying to tell him to stop.

“What’s wrong?” Yami had asked him as he had sat up. He looked concerned and worried, like he had done something wrong.

“What about you? I don’t want to be the only one to get off if you’re hard to?” Yugi answered and he saw a subtle smirk fall upon Yamis features. With quick hands Yami hastily undid his belt and unzipped his zipper. It didn’t take long for Yami to get his cock out of his pants, his cock hadn’t fully hardened yet as it was only at half mast. So yugi diligently grabbed Yamis cock and started to stroke it. Up and down, lazily.

“Hmm” Yami hummed his hips bucked into Yugis hand. Yami looked like he was enjoying the attention and it only made Yugis harder. It didn’t take long for Yamis half mast to stand tall. When hard, Yamis cock got a little thicker and taller than Yugi's cock. They were relatively the same size though, which didn’t surprise Yugi because they in fact shared a body. “Yugi, aibo, can I take over?”

Yami asked him so nicely and his heart had melted in his chest. “Yeah of course you can.” He agreed as he let his hand fall away from Yamis cock. Yami quickly closed the gap between them and kissed him like Yamis life depended on it. He felt Yamis grasp his cock however, he also felt Yamis cock push against his which sent a loud groan to fall out of his mouth mid kiss.

“Yami” he moaned softly and Yami groaned as he wrapped his hand around both of their cocks. Stroking both of them as he thrusted his cock into his hand. Bucking his hips up and against Yugi. Just the idea of Yami doing this to him already had made him get close to his end and with the stroking plus all the sensation he was feeling it didn’t take long for him to crumble.

“You gonna cum, Aibo?” Yami grunted out as his pace quickened. “Cum for me Aibo, cum for me.” At the orders of his other self, he had given into the bliss he felt as he was pushed over the edge. He gripped hard onto Yamis shoulders as he felt the pressure that was inside his groin finally combust and snap. He felt like he was floating as euphoria filled his veins. He came back to reality when he started to feel the searing pain of overstimulation kick in. Yami had still been stroking both of them off and Yugi had become aware of the sticky fluid that coated both of their cocks.

“Yami,” he whined as he arched his back into Yamis chest.Yami stroked them a few more times before grunting as he leaned in and kissed Yugi while squirting that white translucent substance. The sound of muffled breaths filled the small enclosed space. When they finally pulled away from the kiss, Yugi started to feel a small inkling of regret flood his gut. He awkwardly shifted into a slightly more comfortable position.

“What’s wrong Aibo?” Of course Yami had noticed his slightly off put behavior.

“Nothing Yami! Don’t worry.” He answered and Yami gave him a look that told Yugi that Yami didn’t believe a word he had said.

“Is this not what you wanted?” Yami asked and Yugi shook his head dramatically.

“No, Yami, this is exactly what I wanted!!” Yugi was quick to answer, trying to wipe away Yamis worries.

“Then what’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?” Yami asked with worry in his voice.

“No, Yami, nothings wrong.” Yugi answered with a smile and Yami huffed in annoyance.

“Stop lying to me Aibo and tell me what’s wrong.” Yami gave him a soul piercing glare that made Yugis mind stutter.

“What are we now?” He simply asked to which Yami froze. He was ready for Yami to reject him, to say that he simply did this so Yugi would get ahold of himself. He was waiting for that hurtful rejection, however it never came. Instead it was replaced with the soft words that Yami spoke.

“What do you want us to be?” Yami asked him and he stared back into Yamis eyes. His own eyes were wide with shock and surprise. “Do you just want me to help you relax or would you like more of an intimate type of relationship?”

“Umm, well, uhhhh” Yugis brain pretty much blue screened as he tried to think of an answer. “I really want you.”

“Is that so?” Yugi saw the smirk that tugged on Yamis lips. It was a playful and sweet smirk.

“Yes, I just want to be with you, in any way you’ll have me. Yami… you’ve made mistakes and I am still a little upset about it, but I still want you to talk to me and be with me! You mean everything to me, you complete me and you make me feel whole… Yami… I love you.” Yugi hadn’t realized he had started to ramble until his confession of love came out. He felt the way Yami tensed as Yami looked up at him.

“Yugi…” Yami almost whispered out Yugis name and Yugi jumped in his skin. ‘Oh no oh no oh no’, he hadn’t meant to announce his love yet! He didn’t mean to tell Yami, he never wanted to.

“I’m sorry you can forget about that! I don’t know what I’m—“ he was cut off when a heated kiss was planted on his lips. Hasty but full of passion.

“I love you too, Aibo” Yami confessed once they broke apart from the kiss. “That’s why I blocked myself from the link and I hid in my room. I felt like I had failed you and I didn’t wanna make that mistake again. I’m sorry Yugi.” When Yami finished his words Yugi quickly stole a kiss from the other as well.

“Hmm, I wish we could stay cuddled forever, but I think we really need to find a way out of this box. I am starting to get claustrophobic.” Yami gave Yugi such a love filled look that it made Yugis heart beat faster. Oh how he loved his Yami.

Just as Yami was going to move and try to figure something out, a loud rumbling ran through the ground as the top from above them broke into pieces. They both saw the two magicians waiting for them. Dark Magician Girl looked at them wide eyes before giggling and looking away while the Dark Magician just stared off to the side. It was just then that both of them had been revealed to be Pantless and covered in cum. Oh how embarrassing…

Once they were cleaned up and normal again, Yugi apologized to them for what they had witnessed to which both the magicians dismissed it.

“How long were you two trapped down there?” The magician girl asked them and Yugi tried to figure out the length of time in his head.

“Roughly 30 minutes? Give or take.” Yugi responded and the magician girl nodded.

“Well, sorry we couldn’t arrive sooner! We couldn’t get away from the rogue monsters. Speaking of which, did you guys figure out what was wrong with the harmony?” She asked and yugi hummed

“No, why?” Yami had questioned the magician girl in return.

“Well, the rogue monsters came back into harmony! They stopped attacking on their own free will! I thought you guys might’ve fixed the harmony so that’s why we rushed to get you!” The magician girl explained and Yami let out a hum.

“If the monsters are fine for now then we should probably get Yugi back to his body. The others must be worried.” Yami stated simply and Yugi nodded.

—

Back in his room, at last. He was no longer trapped inside a crammed box with his best friend, now lover. Yami had unblocked their bond and Yugi could feel Yamis emotions once more which made Yugi feel less alone. He felt the feelings of Remorse and sorrow, but he also felt the strong emotion of Love. Something Yugi felt the same for Yami.

When he got back to his body, he noticed he had quite the few spammed messages from his friends wondering if he was all right. To which he responded hours later that he was fine and had just taken a nap. He was laying down on his bed, his eyes closed as he thought about everything that had happened today. Trying to process all the thoughts that were swarming his head.

That's when he felt the ghostly presence of his companion and Lover. He looked over to his left and saw Yami laying down on his side, right next to Yugi.

“Hello Yami!” Yugi greeted as he turned his body onto his side. He smiled as he saw Yamis soft smile.

“Hello Aibo,” Yami greeted back and Yugi smiled once more.

“Did Dark Magician Girl tell you how the harmony was fixed?” Yugi asked his other self and his other self hummed.

“We speculated but there was nothing definitive.” Yami answered and Yugi nodded. Yugi wished that Yami was a physical being so he could hold Yami in his arms. His emotions were met with the loving and caring emotions from Yamis side of the bond.

“What’s the main theory?” Yugi asked Yami and Yami smirked.

“We were imbalanced. Because of my greed I had thrown us out of balance which sent the monsters into a rogue state. But, when we finally talked about it, the harmony was restored.” Yami explained and Yugi just nodded along.

“That kind of makes sense!” Yami huffed out a laugh at Yugis response.

“Whatever caused the imbalance, I’m glad it’s over.” Yami kisses Yugi on the forehead, a smile on his lips.

“I love you, other me.” Yugi whispered to the other as the moonlight filtered through his bedroom door.

“I love you too, Aibo” Yami had wrapped his ghostly arms around Yugi as they snuggled into each other. They were deeply happy with eachother and maybe, just maybe, they could live happily ever after.

—

There was a huff of laughter that awoke Yugi from his slumber. Yugi found himself laying on his soul room bed. With hesitation he got off of his comfortable mattress and slowly started to walk to his door. He peeked his head outside the door and saw nobody. At least, at first he saw nobody. However, he noticed the movement of someone walking down a hall that was previously not there.

He really shouldn’t explore, not without Yami. Especially when someone could have infiltrated their soul. But, he couldn’t just sit and do nothing. So, he followed the figure down into the hallway. He noticed that the spirit had disappeared in front of him.

And then…

He was out.

#puzzelship #yugioh #yugi mutou #yami yugi #fanfic #yugioh fanfiction #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #archive of our own #writing #writers on tumblr #ao3 author

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rocorambles · 3 years

Text

Divine (Dogs) Intervention

Pairing: Megumi x Reader

Prompt: Accidental Kiss

Summary: Megumi forms his own views of love

A/N: This is for the Anilysium SFW Collab. Masterlist can be found here!

Megumi sighs in relief, grateful for the peace and quiet the further he treks into the woods surrounding Jujutsu High. As much as he’s become accustomed to Nobara’s snide but clever remarks and Itadori’s silly cheerful ramblings, he cherishes the time he can truly be by himself, one with nature, one with the darkness and shadows curling inside, calling to him.

He takes a careful look around, eyes narrowing as he tries to find any hint of Gojo’s cursed energy lingering anywhere. But deeming himself well and truly alone, he grins, hands coming together and forming a seal, letting his guard down as his divine dogs wag their tails, growling and jumping around him playfully.

Megumi knows the rest of the Zenin clan would sneer and mock him if they saw how he lets the shikigami play, how he pets and coddles them as if they really were just two oversized dogs. But after all the pain and loneliness they’ve caused him, that he’s suffered through, he thinks he’s allowed some indulgences. And if that small relief comes in the form of two black and white furry packages, so be it.

He blames the fact that it’s a rare day without missions or lessons for his carelessness, for the way he doesn’t sense your presence. But fortunately for him, his dogs aren’t nearly as oblivious and his eyes widen in alarm as they cease their scuffle with each other, ears and heads suddenly alert. And suddenly they’re racing off into the distance, deeper and deeper into the forest, and it’s all he can do to keep them within view as he chases after the two excited creatures.

Megumi’s tempted to call their names, order them to stop, but a sense of curiosity and apprehension keeps him quiet and he continues to trail silently, on guard about what exactly has caught their attention. He hones in on the energy surrounding him, expanding his senses, broader and broader…

There.

The presence is so human, so normal, it’s no surprise it had completely slipped underneath Megumi’s radar. He feels his shoulder loosen, only to tense in mortification when he hears a crash and finds his two gigantic dogs pinning you to the ground, panting, licking, and slobbering all over your face as you squeal and flail.

“Off! Get off her!”

Megumi rolls his eyes in fond exasperation as the dogs whine at the harshness of his tone, bouncing back and forth from licking and nudging his hand for head pats to prove he’s not too angry (which he grants them) to giddily nuzzling their noses against your face, sniffing you curiously but barking happily when you get over your initial shock and begin to coo and pet them as you sit up.

You certainly don’t seem like a threat and Megumi allows himself to relax and observe you when he ascertains that you’re just a civilian who’s accidentally found themselves here. He hasn’t met many humans outside of the small circle of jujutsu sorcerers he’s been raised among and he can’t help but feel a sense of nostalgia, a sense of what-ifs as he watches you, so carefree, so innocent, so naive as you pet and play with what you think are just two adorable dogs. He wonders if that’s what his life could have been like too if his parents were still around, if he’d never gotten entangled with Gojo, with the Zenin, with jujutsu sorcerers.

But he knows better than to dream, forced too early on to understand how heavy the weight of reality is and he brings himself back to the present. He offers you a hand to help you stand, apologizing for his dogs, although he snorts about how clearly not sorry they are as they continue circling between and around your legs, practically begging for more attention.

“You really shouldn’t be here. These are the school’s private grounds.”

Even Megumi winces at how harsh he sounds and he awkwardly rubs the back of his head as you flinch, frantically apologizing and looking like you’re about to run to be anywhere else but here.

“But if you want to stick around just for today while I’m here, that’s fine…”

He trails off, ducking his face underneath the high collar of his uniform to hide the red flush gracing his visage as you gratefully beam at him, eyes sparkling, smile radiant.

But the dogs boredly circling the two of you and tired of whining for attention are not nearly as enamored with your demeanor as Megumi and suddenly two heavy weights are leaping on Megumi’s back, forcing him to topple forward, bringing you down with him. And as your bodies crash to the ground, your lips meet.

Physical intimacy is not something Megumi has ever had the chance to become closely acquainted with, platonic or romantic. He freezes at how soft yet solid your lips are against his, your scent that wafts around him from your proximity, the warmth of your body beneath his. He’s been privy to quite possibly the world’s most stunning eyes, but as he gazes into yours, so close that it feels like your eyelashes will accidentally entangle, he vaguely thinks that Gojo’s eyes have nothing on yours.

But time isn’t frozen for all and the two of you yelp when wet tongues and furry heads join the two of you, the dogs whining for attention and to be included in what they think is just two human-sized dogs playing with each other. And embarrassed, the two of you gratefully scramble to take life’s easy way out, separating from each other and each grabbing one dog to coddle and distract yourselves with.

However even as adorable as they are, the dogs only partially take your minds off of what just transpired and your face heats as your fingers absentmindedly brush against your lips, remembering the comforting heat pressed against them. Megumi’s not faring much better as he subtly tries to glance at you between pets, ducking his flushed face beneath his collar once again when he accidentally catches you touching your lips, the action making his own lips tingle in pleasant memory.

But it’s more than just the physical, it’s an awakening of sorts. All his life Megumi has been raised with a sense of duty, of responsibility. Romance, love, those are all foreign concepts to him, concepts none of the adults or kids he grew up with, other than Yuta, cared for. And as much as he respects his senpai, he’s not sure if that’s necessarily the kind of love he wants for himself (no disrespect to the Queen of Curses).

He’s not saying this is love, it definitely isn’t...yet. It’s curiosity, attraction, interest at most. But he’s surprised by how much he craves it. He’s grown up associating love with pain, death, and loss. No one told him it could also be so freeing. No one told him how normal it would feel. No one told him that it would be the sprinkle of water and ray of sunlight he needed to help grow the cold bud that lay dormant in him after the loss of his father and Tsumiki.

For once he feels hope, feels like this might truly be a new beginning and as the little plant in his heart finally blossoms, he takes the initiative he’s avoided for so long, letting himself be greedy, letting himself believe that maybe, just maybe, there’s something more for him than exorcising curse after curse.

He asks you about your life, your family, your friends, your interests and then he does what he’s always done best. He listens, finding peace in the cadence and pitch of your voice, feeling his heart flutter as you grow more and more comfortable, becoming more animated as you tell him about your favorite foods, the school subject you struggle with the most, the plans you have coming up for your friend’s birthday. And in return he tells you about the father figure/older brother in his life who has a sweet tooth, the cheerful idiot who lives next to him, and the loud-mouthed female classmate who recently joined Jujutsu High.

But before he can continue on, trying to figure out what to leave out for now and how to sugar coat the rest, his eyes widen in surprise at how dark it’s gotten, how low the sun is in the sky. Quickly catching on to what’s caught his attention when you see him cut off mid-sentence and check the time on his phone, you sheepishly laugh, a hint of disappointment in the sound as you lament on having to part ways with the boy you’ve just met yet who’s somehow nestled a way into your heart.

“I guess I should be going. It’s getting late.”

“I’ll walk you to the train station.”

You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face as his tall lean form stands up with yours, a furry dog on either side of you as the four of you make your way out of the forest and down paved sidewalks. The two of you bask in these last moments together, something distressing twisting at your insides when you see the station up ahead, the feeling of finality settling heavily on your shoulders.

There’s already the bitter taste of farewell on Megumi’s tongue as the two of you stand in front of the station entrance, a taste he’s far too familiar with. But before he can utter a word, he’s startled by a bright screen being shoved in his face, eyes blinking in surprise as he stares at the empty contact form in front of him.

“You know...Umm...In case I want to trespass on private property again or if you want to go to that cat cafe I talked about earlier…”

Before you can make a fool of yourself any longer, long slender fingers are plucking the phone from your hands, and relief flows through you as you watch Megumi type his name and number in. There’s an extra bounce in your step when you gleefully take your phone back and he playfully rolls his eyes at the way you mischievously stick your tongue out at him when he lightly warns you not to just waltz onto Jujutsu High property without him as a guide.

And as you board the train, both of you exchanging farewells and even the dogs wagging their tails in their own silent form of goodbye, Megumi smiles down at the new text that appears on his screen, swiftly saving your contact before making his way back to the school.

Maybe he’d have to reconsider his aversion to exploring Tokyo.

#jujutsu kaisen fic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen fluff #megumi x reader #megumi fluff #jujutsu kaisen scenarios

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whoreforthebauteam · 4 years

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The BAU team as 👆 this picture.

Aaron Hotchner: He grew up with judgement, hatred, bigotry, rage, violence, favoritism. His mother judged everyone against an impossible standard, nobody (him included) was ever good enough. His brother was always the good one, the loved and favored one, Aaron was a blight on the family name. His father beat him, screamed and shouted and blamed Aaron for every little thing. And when caught with another guy... Aaron never truly recovered.

But he grew, he matured, he escaped to college. To freedom.

Now he gives understanding, unconditional love, acceptance, equitable help to his family. He's a shoulder to cry on when spencer admits he's a little in love with Derek (Aaron hugs him, its ok to be gay). He never stopped caring about Elle, he'll always feel guilty and she'll always forgive him. When Penelope gets headaches due to the harsh lights in her office, he cashes in a favor and now she's comfortable. When someone messes up, he's calm. He still loves his family when hes upset because love isn't supposed to leave bruises.

Penelope Garcia: In her early years, she had love and life and direction. Parents worth killing for. And then they where gone, she had nobody. All she had left was fear, loneliness. All she had was darkness. She turned to crime, stealing because she had too. Who in their right minds would help someone like her? Loss turned her bitter and hard.

Then she met Hotch, joined the BAU, she found hope.

Now she's bright, colorful and giving and loving. She bakes cookies when her family is sick or hurt. When they need a hug she's there. When Derek called her his God-given solace, he meant it. Shes all of this because she had it once and then lost it. And, even if it kills her, nobody will ever have to walk in the same shoes she got to leave behind.

Spencer Reid: Abandoned and neglected, bullied and ridiculed, shamed and used. Nobody wants to be associated with a freak. His father left him. A 10 year old boy left alone to care for a mother that was too sick to get out of bed most days. His teachers used him for bragging rights, his fellow students pushed and sneered and punched because "what makes you so special you freak?". He was never accepted or included or wanted.

But he was wanted, by the BAU, by Gideon, by the team. He is wanted and accepted.

When the team is on a case and there's smart or strange or odd youths, Spencer's there. He knows, he's been there. He knows what its like to be unwanted. So he helps, he encourages, he guides, he makes everyone around him feel wanted and included. He is special, and so is his family.

Jennifer Jureau: Her parents where loving and kind. She grew up in a nice place. She didn't want for much. How could she not see the signs, how could she not see her sister giving up? How could she be so blind? She played soccer and laughed while her sister, her assigned-at-birth best friend, lost the will to live. And when her sad sister finally had a day of happiness, laughed and sang and gave JJ her favorite necklace, all she thought was "finally, she's happy again, she'll be okay now". But all there was was blood and death and loss and guilt. That horrible, nasty, green colored guilt that constantly tells you that its your fault. You could've helped her you could've saved her you should've seen the signs its your fault.

And maybe JJ didn't need much growing up, but her sister did.

Now she knows what to look for.

When Hotch comes into her office one day, gives her a fresh cup of coffee and a rare smile, and tells her he appreciates her and all that she does, she stops him. Asks him if he's ok, is he eating? When Spencer can't concentrate, shes there. A willing and eager listener, its because of a paper he's writing. When Morgan comes into work with a bandaged wrists, her heart nearly stops. She almost cries when he shows her the pictures he took, he was busting down a wall and didn't step back far enough and drywall isn't easy to clean out of cuts or scrapes. Hes ok.

She couldn't save her sister but she can save her family.

Emily Prentiss: She learned young that people only care about what you can do for them. The hand that feeds you is the same one that takes. As long as she was present and cordial, who cares? Not her parents. Its all about face, don't show anything less than perfect. Reputation. Don't let anyone see that you're broken because they'll use it against you.

"I need to know that I can be human"

She unlearns stoicism, learns that emotions are meant to be shown. Unlearns perfection, bottling up every trauma is unhealthy and her family truly wants to help. She finds that a helping hand is sometimes just that. No tricks, no blackmail, no favors. Just help. When Spencer shares his snacks he doesn't expect anything in return. When JJ gives her a ride to work she doesn't want gas money, just someone to sing along to annoying pop music with. When Rossi listens to her problems, he listens, he doesn't use it against her.

She learns to be the friend she needed, to help without expectation. To have no shame when her and Garcia go to the store at 2 am in pajamas and runny makeup because they ran out of girls night snacks. She's human and humans are fragile, they break down and panic and they aren't perfect. She doesn't need to be perfect and neither does her family.

David Rossi: Dave grew up with family, holidays where big and loud and the house was packed with people. There was love and hugs and warmth. How could he not want that for himself? How could he not want to be the one sitting at the head of the table surrounded with his family? He almost had it... he married a wonderful woman and they were having a baby, a sweet baby boy.

But it wasn't meant to be. Premature. Weak lungs. Say your goodbyes. He all but accepted that he wasn't meant to have a family, no one to spoil and encourage, nobody to protect.

He came out of retirement for unfinished business, a selfish reason. But he gained so much. He gained daughters. He planed JJ's wedding and he's a shoulder to cry on for Emily. He listens to Penelope go on and on about computers because she's happy when she talks about them. He gained sons. He protects Derek when he gets reckless. He encourages Spencer to speak up, be himself. Dave has a family, its unorthodox and strange, but its HIS family.

Derek Morgan: His father died, his mother worked long hours to feed his family, and his sisters needed him. He was the one to walk the girls to school now. He was the one locking the doors at night. He was the one checking for monsters. Who protected him? When he needed help, who could he go to? And when someone offered help, he was betrayed. Ruined. Broken.... Carl Burford wasn't being nice to him because he was giving, he was nice because he was creepy. Derek didn't tell anyone because he wanted it he didn't tell because he was scared. If he told anyone, he was weak. He was the man of the house now, and men are strong.

He's not weak, he was a kid. He's strong now, he has more power to help and if it was up to him... he'd help everyone.

Now he fights the same monsters that haunt his dreams. He puts the worst people in the world away. When the team goes out for drinks, nobody messes with them. Derek is there and he makes sure everyone takes no for an answer. When Derek picks up Jack from school, because Hotch is sick, he looks at every teacher. Stares them down. Hotch may have done background checks but whats the harm in another one. He goes to the park with JJ and her family sometimes, JJ knows her boys are safe because uncle Derek isn't going to let anything happen.

Derek learns to accept help. Learns not be scared when touched. On a case, their vehicle got cut off, Hotch hit the breaks and held an arm over Derek's chest. A move made with children, protective, comforting, not something to fear. On the same case Rossi pulls him out of the way of a bullet. He doesn't flinch, or try to run. Because his family is safe, they protect him, and he returns the feeling.

#aaron hotchner #incorrect criminal minds #incorrect criminal minds quotes #david rossi #derek morgan #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia #emily prentiss #criminal minds headcanons #angst #found family

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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 2)

And we're back with more exciting and mean Natsume! Here we will further explore Natsume's life and how absolutely dark his existence is, as well as some very important aspects of his personality that will be useful to us when NatsuMikan starts picking up speed.

Again, I am warning people that this whole essay in general talks heavily about topics like bullying, child abuse, suicidal ideation, and depression, so if those are triggering topics, it might be better for you to not read.

Previously, we were introduced to Natsume and he has sent Mikan on a dangerous quest to the Northern Woods. During that trip, she and her friends have captured his one and only best friend, Ruka, which will not bode well.

Chapter Five

Chapter Five is instrumental for completing Natsume’s introduction, long as it’s been. Natsume is a mysterious character, and he will continue to be evasive and strange for many chapters to come, but by the end of this chapter, we will understand some basic foundation for his character.

The chapter starts with Ruka’s point of view, recalling a moment when he saw Natsume cry, presumably after a mission. Ruka wonders why it’s only Natsume that has to go through “this”, and Natsume tells him that he can take it--for now. He says he wants to grow up and be an adult, to be big and strong enough to properly escape this hell. This is a consistent wish of Natsume’s, and in many ways his only wish: to grow up already.

Higuchi really out here trying to convince us this was supposed to be a cheerful story.

Natsume had to be an adult, had to make the selfless and responsible choices for the sake of his family and for Ruka, had to abandon play and smiles and laughter for a life of secret missions and frequent hospital trips. He’s dying and he wants to be an adult already because he’s certain he’ll never be able to grow up. He wants his body to match the level of responsibility he’s had to take on, but he can’t force the outside to match the inside, especially when he’ll probably be dead long before it happens anyway. This wish evolves and changes when he falls for Mikan, but it doesn’t go away.

He associates adulthood with control, because his life at the academy has been observing the adults control and use him. He wants control for once, to be able to make a choice and even just say no.

Ruka notes that Natsume hasn’t cried at all since that night, and that he now keeps all his sorrow locked away. This kid needs therapy, immediately. This is another reason that Ruka is so precious to Natsume. Ruka is compassionate and kind, so concerned about his friend that he would also shut away his own heart so that he can’t be happy for as long as Natsume is in agony.

Natsume has a scene of his own, where he snaps at Permy for saying that Mikan is full of crap and lying about being an alice. He points out that the academy is not an easy place to lie your way into, and Permy immediately backtracks and lies that she’s agreed with him this whole time. Like I’d said earlier about the loneliness involved in being surrounded by fans who don’t really know or understand you, having people all around you bend over backwards for your approval makes it clear that they really have no interest in what you’re saying, just that you’re the one saying it.

In the anime essay, I’d pointed out that because of their admiration for him, it would elude people that Natsume is in fact lonely. He speaks out against things and people rush to agree, not really considering why he might say that. This is a similar moment, though he doesn’t seem too bothered by Permy’s behavior. It’s still concerning, but it’s interesting to compare this “yes, man” attitude to Ruka’s.

There is obviously a difference between someone agreeing with every word of your mouth no matter how much it changes and contradicts, bending over backwards for your approval, and someone wanting to match you out of compassion, but Ruka’s line of thinking does still have some major flaws.

Ruka is a child, just like the rest of them, so even though this behavior is motivated by love and compassion, it’s still immature and raises some questions.

“If you won’t smile, I won’t smile either,” is a sweet line, but now Natsume is aware that Ruka’s misery is his fault. If he wasn’t so sad, Ruka could be happy. This doesn’t make Natsume happy; it just makes them both sad, and that doesn’t solve any problems. Naturally, Natsume would never say that, and Ruka would claim he’s unbothered and--just like Natsume--that he doesn’t care about hanging out with the others, but they’re both miserable now, and I think this is part of the reason why there’s a gap between them at the start of the manga, and why they’re a bit distant, despite being best friends.

They’re each other’s most important person, but they don’t really communicate that well, and Ruka constantly feels like a burden.

Natsume needs something that Ruka can’t give him, and that something is what he’ll eventually get from Mikan.

That being said, at the moment, Natsume is getting nothing but irritation from Mikan. When he finds out Mikan and her gang kidnapped Ruka, that irritation turns into rage and we see a final fundamental building block for Natsume’s character: his berserk button.

Natsume doesn’t care about the reasoning or justification for the kidnapping. He doesn’t care about explanations or common sense.

His rage only increases when he discovers Ruka was tied up and even beaten (he is told this by a classmate, when Ruka is actually unharmed). The other kids in Class B--his admirers--are terrified to see how scary Natsume is when he’s furious.

Natsume's biggest weakness is Ruka so Mikan is kinda fucked.

He doesn’t care about the game anymore. He only cares about Ruka.

So he goes to the Northern Woods, where nobody is expecting him. He tells Mikan to leave the school, which… she cannot do, obviously. He is overtaken by rage and he ceases to be reasonable.

He uses his alice on everyone but Ruka, and is about to use it on Mikan, but her alice nullifies it. Then Narumi kisses him, prompting him to pass out.

Here, we are introduced to a consistent character trait of Natsume’s, one that may contradict all that talk about forced maturity and selflessness. In fact, Natsume’s habit to go absolutely postal on anyone who threatens a loved one is a contradictory one. Going into a rage requires the sacrifice of common sense and reason for the sake of complete emotional detonation, and as a result he fails to understand that his actions could inadvertently hurt his loved ones or innocent bystanders. No reassuring words are enough to calm him down, and sure enough Natsume will destroy something.

It’s important that we see this trait now, as part of Natsume’s informal introduction, as we will see plenty more instances of it later on. In a way, going berserk for someone can even be a love language of his, where if a person being threatened is enough to set him off, he probably cares about them.

And just as interesting as seeing what he does in these situations is posing the why! Why is it that Natsume goes ballistic in these situations, when it requires the loss of the one thing he wishes he had more of, control? My guess is that Natsume has had a rough childhood and much of that time was spent running away from a dangerous entity. Staying cool and calculated under some conditions would have its benefits, but so would the quick-action and confidence that Natsume would gain by going berserk. When you have to protect someone, and Natsume has been in that situation many times, then it’s sometimes even beneficial to be able to lose yourself for a moment or two. But perhaps it’s not that either. Natsume is, despite all his airs of coldness and mystery, actually a very emotional person, and in that way he is easy to understand. Even if this isn’t a habit he developed by watching his loved ones ripped away from him through either extortion, manipulation, or just plain murder, it’s still something he might be predisposed to: attacking with everything he has despite not having a clear plan or even any real thought.

Chapter Six

We pick up where we left off and Natsume wakes up grumpy after everyone seeing him under the effects of Narumi’s pheromone alice. He causes more destruction, still in somewhat of a rage, and even causes Narumi a head wound though his teacher seems unbothered by this (or maybe even used to it, who can say).

The next thing that happens is that an alarm rings, signaling that Natsume is due for severe punishment, and, as Naru points out, not something he can help with this time. Narumi warns him to get a move on before a mystery enemy (Persona) arrives, and that is enough to scare Natsume into getting out of there. But not before he issues a word of warning of his own to Mikan, that she will regret coming to Alice Academy of her own free will.

Isn't it interesting how her optimism, something he hated so much about her from the start, ends up being something he loves about her?

I have very many thoughts about this warning. It might even seem like a threat, as if Natsume will go out of his way to make sure she regrets her decision, but he does no such thing. He is convinced that Mikan doesn’t need help reaching that conclusion--she will realize it on her own because the school is simply that terrible.

It makes a little bit of sense to view Natsume’s hatred of Mikan this way: Mikan skipped right into his own personal hell with a smile on her face and a bubbly attitude. Meanwhile, he fought and kicked and screamed right until the very end when he was forced into attending the academy. And Mikan is not some normal girl who might be able to live a quiet and pleasant life in the academy. She’s already been marked, what with all the games about her enrollment, and that might anger Natsume even more: she’s really naive enough to walk into a place that’s not just hell to him, but inevitably to her too. Because of this, Natsume hates her and is predisposed to hate her more the more cheerful and optimistic she is.

And, unlike in the anime, this hatred takes much longer to go away.

Anyway, we see Natsume again later in class, when he shows up late after having just been terribly abused as punishment for his actions in the Northern Woods.

In the anime, Natsume catches Mikan insulting him while wearing the punishment mask, and although he’s covered in scratches and the kids are whispering about his bad mood, there’s not much else to it. He doesn’t seem any more unpleasant than he’s been this whole time.

There's nothing funny about this but I will put here as a warning that anybody who jokes that kids should be hit will be hit by me!

In the manga, Natsume is so weak that he can hardly stand. It’s not just scratches, but blood and gashes on his wrists and legs. The mask is not only used to mark him, it’s also used to punish, by physically abusing him when Persona has better things to do.

He makes his way to his seat, but Narumi is on the way, just enough to make a quippy comment.

(I wonder sometimes about Narumi establishing himself as untrustworthy to the children, particularly Natsume, and how exactly that’s supposed to be a help to the student body at large. I mean there’s the possibility that Mikan is special, and her being Yuka’s daughter helped Narumi remember what he became a teacher for. In that case, it might make sense that Narumi, being so jaded and bitter, might be content acting as a villain to the abused children of the academy, and especially to Natsume, but I can’t help but feel that’s not the case. I don’t want to think that Narumi was willingly complicit and even amused by Natsume’s abuse. It’s difficult to tell for sure, though, because Narumi is way more mysterious than Natsume tries to be.)

Sumire tries to kiss up, whining to Natsume about how everyone is suddenly acting so nice to the new girl, until Natsume forcefully kicks her desk to shut her up. He only holds back with Ruka, who he would never lash out at.

Narumi then announces that Mikan shall have a partner, and that her partner will be Natsume. It’s funny because although Hotaru made it clear she didn’t want the job, Iinchou was willing to volunteer, but Narumi ignores that because he always wanted Natsume to be her partner. At this news, everyone is shocked, wondering if Mikan is supposed to be special, seeing as she’s paired up with Natsume of all people.

Narumi smiles to himself despite the chaos and then lets himself leave the classroom, saying, “let’s see what happens.”

Why does he partner them up?

Mikan thinks Narumi is crazy for this, and from an outside perspective it certainly might seem that way.

Natsume’s theory, as becomes clear later during the exams, is that this was organized by the ESP and Persona, perhaps as a punishment, but definitely with ulterior motives. He is closer to nailing it, but a little off. There is no way in hell the ESP would want to partner the child of rabble-rousers with the school’s pet child soldier. That’s a recipe for disaster. Knowing that the ESP was excited to welcome Mikan because of her alice, and that her presence at the school might encourage Yuka to try and save her, he wouldn’t have wanted to disturb his own plans.

So what is the reason?

It’s all Narumi, of course. Perhaps the O.G. shipper, Narumi could tell right away that Mikan’s nullification would be useful, particularly in regards to Natsume. Pairing them up is just another means to an end, as Narumi actually wants the kids to raise some trouble.

Chapter Seven

Being partners with Natsume is quite unhelpful.

Mikan ends up a No-Star and her Special-Star partner is for the most part absent throughout her ordeals, having to cope with it all on her own.

Chapter Seven is mainly lacking Natsume. He functions to not function for most of it, that is to establish himself as being a terrible partner.

There is a moment that stands out, when Mikan is writing a letter to her grandpa, where Natsume appears. Yes, he appears in her head to taunt her about her regret coming to the school, and she spites him by committing to optimism and determination in the future. But he also has a short appearance paralleling a panel of Mikan: they are both in their beds, awake.

WHAT WAS THE REASON?????!??!?!?

This parallel is interesting, their panels right next to each other. She is thinking about her grandpa, and we have no way of knowing what Natsume is thinking about, but there has to be a reason for him to appear despite having been mostly absent so far in the chapter.

To me, it’s another narrative tool to pair them together. They have been so far, in more ways than one, and will continue to be as they fall in love, and this is just another example of how they’d been fated from the start. Even when they hate each other, and even when they aren’t thinking of each other, they’re still tied. Looking at those panels, and seeing Natsume despite his relative irrelevance to the plot, seems to be a message that there’s more to come between them. I don’t know if any of what I’m saying makes sense, or if it seems silly, but there’s very little analysis I can do without just talking about potential.

Later, with Mikan in a new mood, ready to make the most of her situation, the kids are talking about her resilience with both her no-star status and having Natsume as a partner.

Ruka does the talking for Natsume, warning Mikan that she’s being watched and remarking that nobody should have been assigned a no-star for simply disturbing class.

Once again, Mikan and Natsume are paired: they are both treated unfairly, with Mikan given a no-star status she doesn’t deserve, and Natsume given a special-star status despite the fact that he doesn’t even go to class most of the time. They’re the exceptions to the rule, and the reader is made to wonder what exactly it is that they have in common that would result in this treatment.

Ruka tells Mikan not to trust any teachers at the academy, not even Naru, and this is almost like hearing from Natsume himself. Unlike Mikan, who will happily make strong bonds with teachers like Narumi and Nodacchi, Natsume has absolutely no positive adult figures in his life. His father is far away, his mother is dead, and every teacher is someone he holds either directly or indirectly responsible for his suffering. The adults at the school have failed him and he has nobody to trust. Something Natsume needs is a positive role model, somebody he can look up to and have faith in, because as it stands he’s a traumatized boy who absorbs negativity and takes it out in bad ways. A trustworthy adult would very much help Natsume grow and learn better coping skills, and in the meantime it makes perfect sense that he would act out and even be a bully at times.

Chapter Eight

Natsume has a habit of ignoring any and all episodes where Mikan has confrontations with her teachers. He is either dozing off or listening to music with Ruka, and doesn’t seem particularly interested in even watching.

That being said, we see a new side to Natsume in this chapter, a new emotion in a way we haven’t before: fear.

Natsume ditches class with regularity. He does not care about being present. For most classes, he would simply walk out and go screw around somewhere else, but with the dangerous ability class, he doesn’t have that choice.

The other teachers may be complicit, but they won’t do the abuse themselves. Persona is not above that, as we have already noticed despite never even seeing him so far.

If Natsume does not want to attend the dangerous ability class, then he has to run for it, and in this chapter he does, like his life depends on it, because his safety sure does. He’s only ten years old and forced to do horrible missions for the school. This is one of the scenes that reminds me that he is just a child. He knows he could get punished for running, but he does it anyway. Maybe, if he runs fast enough, they won’t catch him. Maybe, if he doesn’t get caught, he doesn’t have to go on a mission. Maybe, just this once, they won’t mind if he doesn’t show. It’s such a childish and desperate thing to do, to avoid pain at the cost of more pain to come.

Natsume is scary when he's scared...

It’s funny that as he is running from pain, he runs into Mikan, who will later alleviate his pain. For now, he just shuts her up so that Persona can pass the area while looking for him. We see Persona for the first time, what Natsume is scared of more than anything, and although his fear seems obvious, Mikan is preoccupied by annoyance for being shut up like that.

They bicker--or she bickers at him, mostly--until the middle schoolers encounter them and start bullying them.

Natsume is ready to ignore them and walk away, until Sumire’s brother calls him a murderer, reminding us of the rumor Hotaru and Iinchou discussed. Natsume stops, and Sumire’s brother whines that he’s just a special star because he’s “Persona’s favorite”.

Sumire and her brother have, like, nothing in common other than curly hair, huh.

Being Persona’s favorite is no privilege, as we know now from the run-in we just had with him and Natsume’s fear. This sets Natsume off and he starts some fires. When they threaten to call Persona, who Natsume was just running from, he responds that they can call him all they want, but he’ll burn them before he can get there to capture him. We see once again, through Natsume standing up for himself, that his berserk button lacks reason (as he is willing to sacrifice punishment by Persona again).

In a last-ditch attempt to threaten him, the middle schoolers threaten Mikan, who they perceive to be Natsume’s new girlfriend. (Calling her his girlfriend is interesting because it is even more proof that they are being narratively paired together! It shouldn’t be a surprise at all that they eventually get together, when almost everybody around them pairs them up like this, even when they can’t stand each other.) They do not expect that Natsume actually hates her, and genuinely doesn’t care if she gets bullied or not. He smiles in twisted amusement at this turn of events and walks away for good this time, leaving Mikan to be bullied.

Aw, he's smiling! How sweet.... oh wait that's a skull.

Now, Natsume is a good person deep inside, somebody who is selfless and kind in secret ways. There is no secret kindness about this scene. He is not a nice person, for sure, and this scene is proof of it.

Natsume is used to sacrificing himself for the comfort and well-being of his loved ones, so there might be relief in not caring about the comfort or well-being of somebody, and being able to choose his own well-being before that of somebody else for once. It makes sense that he would be so amused, because this time nobody has anything to hold over his head.

Conclusion

We have seen some more of the abuse Natsume faces on a daily basis. He and Mikan have been partnered up and they are presented narratively as foils and as pairs even outside of that dynamic.

For the next part, we'll see even more examples of them being paired together, as well as how Natsume is isolated from his classmates.

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #i love him! i love THEM! perfection! excellent story-telling! fantastic! so much to analyze! i ADORE!

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wedreamedlove · 4 years

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MLQC Men Headcanon Notes

Now that I’ve spent more time with these men (it’s getting close to 2 years!) I wanted to share the general thoughts, themes, motifs, etc. that I keep in mind when I’m writing their character.

This is 1000% headcanon territory, so feel free to take what’s useful and ignore what’s not LOL but I’d also love to see people add in their own “character reference cheat sheet” to this!

(I’m especially curious because, due to being of Asian diaspora, I write best in English but my understanding of the characters come from CN/JP text). Incidentally, if anyone feels ANY of this when reading my fics, then that’s all I could ever ask for LOL.

LI ZEYAN

He is Capricorn² and, while the game doesn’t make explicit mentions to this, I associate the element earth with him because of this. He’s described with attributes like being steady, calm, and always in control. He is the epitome of an immovable boulder and things revolve around him, not the other way around. I like to draw on imagery of unbending steel and/or the stable ground.

Meanwhile, like the goat of his astrological sign, every step he takes to climb to his goal is assured. He doesn’t do anything spontaneous or without thought, so if he does lose control and act without thinking then it has to be a momentuous occasion. Basically, it’s really important to me that if I write a loss of control, then it’s likely to be the centerpiece.

Keeping in mind that his Evol is time control, I also like to try and subtly weave an atmosphere of how everything happens at his pace. Winter being his season only adds onto this because the world stills when it’s covered in snow; everything becomes muted, hushed, and slowed in this season.

The chemistry in his romance arc is how his pace and control gets disturbed, but he adapts quickly and learns to go along with these moments of whimsy. Or more like that’s his character development and how love changes him.

His canon (spirit) animal is the cat and lion. Felines go along very well with the emperor or noble archetypes he has in all his AU cards, because cats are stereotyped as being independent and haughty animals. He’s not big on PDA or excessive skinship, but he’s not disagreeable to them either. Too much stimulation and, like a cat, he’ll probably show exasperation. Ignore him for too long though and he’ll come to share his presence with you.

For me, his love is shown through quiet acts of service that don’t have any attention drawn to them. Him just being in the same room or giving his attention is how he emotes his love.

He’s quite low-key in his normal life so he doesn’t seem like someone who gets confused over commoner things, but there are also moments where he spends an enormous amount of money without blinking. If life can be made easier with money then why not, right?

Keywords: Calm. Steady. Earth. Immovable. Control. Exasperated Affection. Time. Cats. Literal Capricorn. Winter. Mature.

ZHOU QILUO

First thing that comes to mind is the sun and heat. Fire is his element and so I go for stereotypical imagery like flares of passion and burning bright. He switches expressions and moods at the drop of a hat and he’s a mood maker to the extreme, but there’s no hiding the way he shines with his love for his love.

However, because he’s also Helios, it’s really important for me to play around with dualities and explore the other side of this positive imagery. So, just like how the sun can bring warmth and life, it’s also a deadly laser something that can hurt people by blinding them or setting fires. It’s also fun to remember that the moon only has light from the sun’s reflection.

Game-wise, I believe Helios has been described with cold and ice imagery but, because I try to keep that imagery for Li Zeyan, what I like to consider instead is that extremely cold things can “burn” you too. Frostbite can also be called ice burn.

The sky is repeated imagery for Luoluo too, because of his eyes, but I’ll admit I’m still uncertain about how to interpret this for his character. Generally, the sky represents freedom but...? How I approach this is that the sky doesn’t discriminate and protects everyone below it (echoing his quote about how he protects the light in the dark).

On this note about the sky being welcoming, I view Luoluo’s love as one that accepts his love no matter what they’re like and he grows together with them (unlike the two adults, Li Zeyan and Xu Mo).

However, again, it’s super important to remember his duality and just because he’s a playful mood maker doesn’t mean he’s not able to switch into a serious and mature mode. He keeps his innocence and warm heart despite the darkness he’s seen and understands.

His canon animal is the bear which also makes me tilt my head. I can only see this as how bears are seen as both cuddly and cute, but also fierce and protective. He was also given a stag but... no one uses that LOL.

Keywords: Fire. Passion. Playful. Innocent. Little Sun! But Moon. Spring. Sacrifice. Darkness. Sky. Mischievous. Mood Maker.

BAI QI

Every single cell in his body is attuned to his love. You ever lose your phone and then, for the rest of the day, you feel as if you’re missing an important piece of yourself and you have intrusive thoughts wondering where it is? That’s him. You ever see something so cute you experience cute aggression and don’t know what to do with yourself? That’s him. You know those dogs that strain at their leashes on the streets because they want to go and greet you? That’s him.

It’s all about the yearning.

I know, I know, I wrote essays about how he can survive without his love and how he’s someone who carries both love and a greater justice BUT let’s not kid ourselves that he doesn’t revolve around his love like Jupiter around the sun.

Anyway, so the game shoves wind descriptions down our throats. It’s literally another vehicle for him to emote his love and, to be honest, I don’t do much with it other than use it for that. I talked about it extensively in my character essays, but I suppose I play with the irony of how he’s only free because he has a home can return to. [Loneliness SR Wind and Care Call] “Because I have a place for my heart, I can fly anywhere.”

I don’t believe the game emphasizes this any more than it does with the other men, but I try to always have a point of contact between Bai Qi and his love because, again, the yearning and vibrating with All That Love. He’s such a physical character (military archetype) that I also want to emphasize that in writing.

In addition, I’m all about him being the most feral of the men. Heck, his canon animal is the wolf which is great for both its stereotypical and non-stereotypical meanings, such as being a lone wolf and ferocious animal but also a pack animal that can’t survive on its own and needs a pack. Meanwhile, NW717 is described in-game as a monster.

Look, one of his signature descriptions in the game is resting his chin on or against his love’s head and nuzzling them. I’m not baselessly trying to push my kink I swear.

So, like how Bai Qi said in [Light Bath SSR: Tenderness Call] that maybe he only shows his gentleness towards select people (his love and mother), he’ll give the person he loves all the warmth of his being but, oh boy, I see him as being a beast who will remember his true nature upon being chained; the “chain” of love gives him the reassurance he needs to be truly free... in all its meanings.

Keywords: Ginkgo. Summer. Primal. Wind. Love is love is love. 3-Point Contact. Wolf. Yearning. Vitality. Justice. Freedom. Physical. Restraint.

XU MO

First, given how vocal I am about Elex’s changes, this is probably going to be the most drastically different section out of everyone vs. their English version.

Soft. Light. Gentle. Kind. Gossamery. Feathery. Ethereal. Faint. Whenever I write him, do I literally open up a thesaurus to find synonyms for gentle, light, and soft? Yup! LOL.

Fun fact, in CN and JP the word for “smile” and “laugh” is the same character and so sometimes there is ambiguity when translating if there’s no clear markers. The writers definitely had a word in mind when they wrote the scene, but unfortunately we don’t have the ability to check with them at every use and so sometimes it does come to subjective interpretation.

For me, Xu Mo is characterized by a lot of quietness. Game-wise, there are enormous usages of silence and descriptions of emotional fluctuations in his eyes so Significant Silences and Looks are a major thing with him and in my writing for him, which is why I always choose “smile” over “laugh” if there is any ambiguity in the line (I believe Elex leans towards chuckles).

On a similar note, the game also gives him a gigantic serving of descriptions that only ever use the word for “light, slight, faint, soft, gentle” in JP and CN. It gives him a very floaty and dreamy feeling, even if he’s doing something physical. So, it’s important for me to keep a similar atmosphere when writing and make everything feel as if it has to be shared in a whisper.

A bonus here is that it doesn’t require much to turn this ethereal feeling into a melancholic one, so you get that dash of angst that layers over everything. Leave a few things unknown here and there, incomplete actions, eyes that get averted and Boom. Angst.

Shifting gears, but if my imagery of Bai Qi’s love is like a tense, vibrating, and restrained chain of yearning then Xu Mo’s love is like a flood barely being held back by a dam. Knowledge of the quantity and weight behind the dam is terrifying, but it’s safe to be submerged inside it. Much like Luoluo and Helios, Xu Mo also has a dangerous duality in Ares and so I also like to play with this imagery.

So, on this point, I like to preserve an underlying sense of darkness (all-consuming possessiveness, etc.) and envision that he also wishes to stain his love in his colors, like a drop of ink on white paper and how it seeps into every fiber of the paper until the whole thing is saturated with him.

Incidentally, I’m reminded that—whenever possible and natural—I want to exclusively use water imagery with Xu Mo. The game supports this too! He is described with extensive water imagery and so I try to use water metaphors, analogies, and similes.

I try to make sure every sense is present, but I feel like the game emphasizes (especially with the red thread of fate imagery) that Xu Mo and his love are connected at a soul-deep level and so I always keep in mind a mental, emotional, and spiritual aspect.

Lastly, his canon animal is the fox (we ignore the black goat LOL) so contrasting his elegant, scholarly, and gentleman’s air with a black belly, teasing, and mischievous air is also important! Sexual but with, you know, class.

Keywords: Butterflies. Monochrome. Artist. Red Thread. Autumn. Melancholy. Water. Soft. Gentle. Light. Faint. Dreams. Spiritual. Fox.

LING XIAO

I’m getting more comfortable with him, but he’s still shrouded in so much mystery. If every one of the other men treat their loves with gentleness though Ling Xiao is definitely one who isn’t afraid of roughhousing. He’ll act first and then ask for forgiveness afterward, if needed.

But I like to keep in mind that, for all his roughness, he’s still a good kid at heart and when he saw MC’s skirt rising up when he tried to pull her over the fence he immediately stopped. So, a bit of a bully but without any humiliation.

Intelligent, strong, and dangerous but hiding all of that beneath a devil-may-care attitude and someone who does things on a whim. I don’t know what to do much with his canon animal being the shark except to attach it vaguely to this point and think that, as an apex predator of the sea, it does things at its own pace (somehow, it gives me the image that he likes to bite... but, uh, that’s probably just me LOL).

Keywords: Mercurial. Lightning. Sarcasm. Physical.

#love and producer #mlqc #mr love queen's choice #mlqc gavin #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #mlqc kiro #mlqc bai qi #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc xu mo #mlqc zhou qiluo #love and produc(ing) meta

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yan-genshin · 4 years

Text

a/n: hello to the fellow twst people who came here from my twst blog welcome to my secondary brainrot

warnings: general yandere themes, non consensual drug use, some spoilers for kaeya’s backstory

♥︎ kaeya alberich

kaeya is obsessive in an almost paranoid way, which is almost surprising seeing how laid back and relaxed he seems to act most of the times. despite his seemingly sociable attitude, kaeya is similar to his brother diluc in that he doesn’t get close to others because he’s scared to lose them (or scared that being associated with him could bring them harm)

maybe that’s why it comes as a shock to the city to hear that the cavalry captain has gotten together with the mysterious honorary knight- everyone knows kaeya flirts and gets around, but nobody’s ever seen him settle down like that

it’s... almost cute, at first. he’s far from touch starved, but emotionally? kaeya seems to seek their attention and warmth almost selfishly, dragging them around on “missions” that are mostly work he’s supposed to be doing alone to eat up their time, interrupting their own tasks and missions just because he wants to see them

“aw, are you mad at me?” he’s got that playful tilt to his voice, the one he always uses when he’s trying to make things go his way or he’s trying to egg someone on. by now, the outlander isn’t sure which effect he’s trying to have on them; this is the third time kaeya swooped in and interrupted their daily commissions for the adventurer’s guild, putting them behind schedule and messing up their plans for the day. the spot in their bag where they would have put away the cecilias they had meant to gather in the evening but didn’t get the chance to just makes them more upset- but kaeya’s sudden embrace makes them drop that train of thought. “now, now, let’s not get angry... i’m really trying my best here to show you i love you- don’t you love me, too?”

kaeya seems to think the ends justify the means- the path to the best ending isn’t necessarily a pretty one, or so he says. he’s well aware of when he starts to use emotional manipulation to pressure his dear traveler into doing as he wants, he’s entirely aware of how he’s monopolizing their time

after all, the easiest way to get them to be as attached to him as he is to them is to break them down and build them back up as he sees fit. it’s cruel, it’s bad, but kaeya is the type of man who relishes in the looks of fear and doubt in other’s faces, and the type of lover who relishes in gently comforting the traveler as they cry when he’s the one who caused their tears in the first place

most of it is just to make them depend on him. oh, don’t get him wrong- kaeya’s well aware that the traveler can fend off for themselves. he’s seen how they fight, how they seem to move with battle experience that should be born from years and years of training despite their youthful appearance. but that strength is also what gives them freedom- and kaeya is not barbatos, and he doesn’t plan on giving them such thing

“can i go to springvale today...?” kaeya almost smirks. who would have thought the powerful hero of mondstadt- the outlander who swept in, who saved the city from dvalin, who once challenged boreas for training- could be reduced to such a meek creature that felt the need to ask for permission to simply wander outside the city’s walls? to outsiders, it might seem like it was just the traveler ‘settling into the relationship’, but he knew better than that. days of subtle manipulation, of using just the right words to drive them to tears, of comforting them while choosing his words oh-so-carefully were the hard work that was showing off now; a hero slowly being reduced to a docile partner

he doesn’t want to be abandoned. kaeya fears loneliness more than anything else, something he keeps hidden deep inside of him- vague memories of being abandoned on a rainy night, of his adoptive father’s passing haunt him, the ever stubborn feeling of being unwanted despite having so many swooning for him- it’s as if every little piece of the travler’s free spirited soul he chips away is a reassurance, a guarantee to him that they’re his and they’re going to stay

there’s no real limit to what he’ll do. he’s always careful enough to keep them right in his palm; even when the relationship has gone far from just a toxic relationship and fallen off into something worse, it’s as if they’re far too deep do climb out. it’s not easy to leave an abusive relationship, and kaeya is always one step ahead in making sure it’s damn near impossible, presenting himself as the only solace for the traveler

it’s almost an art how he’s the one making their life hell and also the one who comforts them and gives them a sanctuarium to “heal” and “feel loved”. whether it’s him destroying their hopes of seeing all archons, claiming it’s simply impossible, or implying that if their sibling truly were alive, word of them would have probably gotten to mondstadt already, kaeya is always careful enough so that his darling’s anger and grief doesn’t fall quite on him, so that he can be the one to gently comfort them and hold them in his arms

“shh, it’s okay darling, you couldn’t have known anything so terrible would happen.” he holds his lover’s shaking body as they cry into his shoulder, hands rubbing soothing circles into their back. despite this, the look in his face isn’t one of a man consoling his lover, but rather a smug smirk. they heave another sob: oh, they have all the rights in the world to be sad. how tragic that the particular knight who’d become their friend had to pass away so brutally- they’d simply asked him if he could gather some lampgrass for them, an innocent request, and he’d ran into a ruin guard. it’s your fault for asking him to go seemed to be the only thought that ran through their head, and kaeya, despite all his comforting, didn’t seem to downright deny it. after all, they didn’t need to know the poor knight happened to ask kaeya where he could find the lampgrass, they didn’t need to know kaeya just so happened to mark a location on his map where it just so happened he knew a ruini guard lurked nearby. kaeya may be a knight, but he’s never been to righteous- it’s not as if he directly spilled someone’s blood just because they got too close to his lover, right? suppressing a chuckle at the thought, he made sure his voice was still in a comforting tone as he spoke, “next time, just ask me for any favours. no need to go and talk to others and have this tragedy repeat, right?”

it’s almost laughable, really, how much kaeya seems to circle around and pull strings just so he can make everything work the way he wants. realistically, it’d be just so much easier to just chain down the traveler, to just downright get rid of paimon instead of constantly bribing her with food or sending her off with amber to the point where the little fae seems to almost forget about the traveler- but kaeya needs to be loved. he doesn’t need the love to be healthy or to be real, it’s ok if it’s born out of manipulation and dependence. but all he does, he needs it to work into driving the traveler into a dark enough headspace wherein he is the only light in their life

... but that said, he’d rather have the traveler be his and lose their love than lose the traveler’s love and also lose them. ideally, they won’t abandon him because they love him (because he’s broken them, because he destroyed the hero of mondstadt and made them into a docile and codependent pet, because he’s destroyed their world and shown himself as the only alternative) but if needed, he’ll make it so they won’t abandon him because they can’t

after all, kaeya loves the sight of fear in their eyes. if they’re so eager to leave him, then perhaps he’ll just continue to indulge in their tears and their begging- this time wholy embracing the fact he’s the one that caused such things. it’s as easy as sleeping potions mixed in their foods to keep them pliable and docile, as easy as a chain keeping them locked to a basement; a treatment so hellish it makes them crave for the toxic hellhole of a relationship he offered before

“aw, are you uncomfortable? it’s too cold down here, isn’t it? poor thing. should i get you a blanket? do you think you deserve a blanket? if you keep acting good, i might get you one tomorrow.” it’s torture, the way he so gently traces their cheek, the way he looks at them with so much warmth in his eyes despite him being the one who’s got them chained up to a fucking basement. their brain screams at them to jerk away, to not give him the satisfaction of accepting his touch, but they’re cold, and despite being a cryo user, kaeya’s touch is so warm that they almost unconsciously lean into it. he laughs, the noise echoing in the almost empty basement; all that’s down here is a ratty old cot, a makeshift bathroom, and the heavy metal chain attaching them to one of the thick wooden support beams on the wall. cold nights like these almost make them miss being back in kaeya’s room, huddled in with him after he’s fallen asleep- probably after offering some comfort after driving them to a breakdown some hours earlier. but that’s long gone, now replaced with kaeya’s almost sadistic glee in keeping them down here, in seeing how the already broken traveler just shatters into a shell of their former self, how even now when he’s being outwardly antagonistic they’re starting to still try to find comfort in him: truly turned into a weak, docile, dependent little thing.

#yandere genshin impact #genshin impact #genshin x reader #kaeya alberich #yandere tw #drug ment

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fandom-space-princess · 3 years

Text

Radio Silence

midam week prompt 3: Connection - a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else

Rating: Teen

[1.5k words, angst with a happy ending and hurt/comfort]

One by one, the voices of the Host are falling silent.

Michael struggles to come to terms with the deaths of his family. Adam helps.

read below the cut, or on AO3

Michael's first memory of Lucifer is song.

The Creation was still so young then, so new. For some undefinable period of existence, Michael had been not First, but Only. Sole companion to Father in his dominion of light. Though time had no meaning in that early formless void, in Michael's memories his solitary existence at his Father's side was a small stretch of eternity.

He did not know loneliness. How could he? He had his Father. Moreover, he had no basis for comparison.

But from one moment (or year or epoch) to the next, he was suddenly no longer Only.

Father's hands, alternately stirring and stilling the fabric of spacetime around him. Urging matter and energy into coalescence, a weave of plasma and starlight and intention condensing in on itself. Reaching out and taking a piece of Michael himself, his essence of silver and steel, the better to bind and grow this new creature. As he did all things, Michael gave of himself joyously. Felt the twist of his rehomed grace as it rooted and flourished, blossoming and expanding into —

(this creature of blinding luminescence, stretching wings like his own from grace like his own with a voice, oh, a voice like his own)

The Second turned to face the First, and raised his voice in glory. Michael, knowing naught but the love and the rightness of it, echoed back the song. And all the kingdom of his Father, all the dominion of light, rang with the birth of the first harmony.

— companion.

Kin.

Second.

Go, My creations. Father's whispered first instructions. Go forth and expand My domain, in My name.

Singing, they circled each other. They flew through the void trailing gravity in their wake, shedding stardust from their vast wings, and nebulas swirled into being as they passed. Where they went, existence followed.

Soon their Father called them home, and commanded them to give of themselves once more.

Grace from the First, grace from the Second. Starstuff and intention, and twin blooms of being. The Third, a creature of bright sparking joy and gentle hands, so like Father's. The Fourth, wings as golden and unwavering as the timbre of his voice.

They were Four, and at Father's side they were complete. Theirs was the first choir.

There came a time, of course, when more voices joined the chorus. In the millennia that followed, Michael grew to love all of his brothers; every voice in the Host was welcomed, wanted, cherished, a vital addition to the melody. Such was Heaven. Yet for the rest of his long existence, Michael would guard most closely those early memories. Before their smaller kin had been spoken into being. Before Father's absence. Before the amputation of self that was Lucifer's Fall, was Gabriel's departure.

When they were Four, in and of only each other, and their melody was whole.

-----

"Can you still hear them?" Adam asked once, and Michael had been unable to meet his eyes.

The Cage was a lonely place, only the four of them. But at least Michael still had this connection, however tenuous, to his brothers. Adam didn't even have that much.

After a heartbeat (or a year or an epoch; the quality of time passing here was oddly reminiscent of the timeless Beginning), Michael nodded.

"I can," he murmured, "if I focus. I can't reach out to them, but... I can hear them."

The voices of the Host in his mind. Years, now, since the choir of Heaven sung in well-ordered harmony, but they were there nonetheless. Discordance or not, their presence gave him comfort.

He had glanced at Lucifer, brooding on the other side of the Cage near Sam Winchester's sleeping form. Adam had followed his gaze.

"What about him?" Adam asked. "Does he talk to you? Does he try to talk to them?"

Michael shook his head.

"He hasn't tried to talk to me in a very long time," he sighed. "I doubt he has any greater interest in the others."

-----

Something is brewing. The singing of his brothers is strident, strained. There is no harmony here.

There is fighting, and whispers. One by one, voices begin to vanish from the chorus.

----

No amount of the Host falling silent can compare to the moment Raphael is slain.

Lucifer does meet his eyes, then. For the first time in a hundred years, their gazes lock across the expanse of the Cage, and Michael knows that their pain is, in that instant, identical.

Gone, gone, gone. It hadn't felt like this when Gabriel died, and why...? But Michael hurts too much to think about it, too much to do anything but let himself be gathered into Adam's lap and weep.

He feels a part of his grace return to him then, a piece missing since the beginning. An remnant of bright sparking joy and caring hands. His healing, gentle brother.

He has never wanted anything less.

-----

Michael's head is splitting, his grace tearing apart at the seams. Thousands of voices reverberating agony. Deaths — there had never been so many of their kind to perish at once. Deaths and an echo of war cries, some in terror, some in joy, and all the same.

Castiel. Castiel. Castiel!

He slumps into Adam's arms, hands gripped tight enough to bruise on his vessel's shoulders. Adam runs fingertips over his scalp and mutters soothing nonsense into his ear.

He wonders if Lucifer can hear them too. Wonders if he cares.

-----

Sometime around year 700, Lucifer disappears from the Cage. One moment, he is there, a silent shadow opposite Michael and Adam, and the next — he is gone.

For a while, this feels like a glimmer of hope. A sick sort of hope. But hope nonetheless.

Even this fades in time.

They have long since passed the point of keeping anything from each other. Down here, with no one to hear them but the Cage walls and the howling damned, Adam cradles Michael's head on his lap while the archangel whispers fears, fears of silence and the dark, and clutches his hand.

Adam's soul is not like the grace of his brothers. Michael's mouth twists in wry amusement at the notion. Once, his younger self would have considered a human soul to be beneath his notice — unable to be harmonized with, such a far cry from the resplendence of celestial hymns. But in the confines of the Cage, against the growing backdrop of silence and static from the Host, Michael has found himself in a position to reevaluate.

Quiet Adam's soul may be, small and fragile and human. But it is so much more than that, too. Its song is steadfast, so determined, and the love it radiates is all the more fierce for the comparison to Michael's divinity.

Here in the dark, Adam is a lighthouse. And Michael —

— it is blasphemous to even think it, but Michael has never seen a light so bright.

-----

When Gabriel dies, this time, he knows it. Can feel the reality of it in threading back into his grace, broken strands of gold returning to wend back whence they originated.

It is no comfort that Lucifer follows soon after.

He stares up at the shadowy ceiling of the Cage, and contemplates what it is to be Only once again.

-----

"I can't hear any of them any more," he says one day, and Adam pulls him back to lean against his chest, sheltering in his arms.

"None at all?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. It's just static."

Too quiet. It had never been quiet before. Not since the Beginning. This — this can't be the End. This is all wrong, it can't, it can't. His grace flares out, one long distressed lash, glaring and harsh in the dim space.

"Hey, hey. Listen to me, Michael." Adam is a comforting weight at his back. "I've got you. I've got you."

Adam begins to sing.

He is not companion and other-self and kin-in-kind, not the way Lucifer and Raphael and Gabriel were. Not even a long-beloved note among the melody of the Host.

His voice is not like his brothers' — Adam sings human hymns, songs he only half-recollects from a childhood a thousand years gone. But there is something in it, a vein of simple solace that has Michael's grace reaching out to brush up against and twine around Adam's soul.

Adam sings, and there Michael takes shelter. Adam raises his voice, and there Michael finds love.

Michael's own voice is cracking, rusty from disuse. It has been so long since he sang. But as he allows his grace to ebb and thrum along with the words, matches pitch and volume with Adam until they might ring through into even the depths of the Pit outside, he finds the harmony that he had feared gone for good.

Archangel and vessel join in song, and Michael hopes this may not be the End after all.

Hopes that, maybe, they can sing a new Beginning.

#i know i said i wouldn't write another angsty one and i SWEAR i didn't mean to #this just Happened #it is less angsty in that they are both alive in this one though so that's something #posting this a few hours early in my own timezone #because work is going to eat my soul tomorrow and i won't have time #angst #michael spn #adam milligan #midam #midam week #spn #fanfic #mine #my fanfic

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yesthefandomfreakblr · 4 years

Text

G U Y S I’M ONTO SOMETHING

Ares, when gregor isn’t around, has no one. sure luxa and aurora do their best but he just feels like he can’t/shouldn’t be a burden to them or be selfish by dumping all of his problems on them(this is horribly toxic thinking if you experience this GET. HELP. you are NOT a burden and you DESERVE LOVE.)

but back to the sad fictional bat: Ares just has no one. he finds he’s most comfortable alone, although rather lonely... but well, chased to the outskirts to hunt due to ostracizing from his peers, he runs into Ripred doing the same thing and Ares, while apologizing for trespassing finally just breaks. The gnawer asks what he’s bawling about and it all just comes tumbling out.

After a good long time of just gushing out all the pent up pressure, Ares shifts uncomfortably and apologizes again. He thanks the older rat for listening and being so kind when Ares had done nothing for him. Ripred cuts him off. “Ares you have been invaluable on every quest you’ve been apart of. and even aside from that, you are a friend. I like you actually, you keep your head on your shoulders and out of those prophecies.” there’s more to it but that’s what I write down. Ares just shakes his head. “you’d be the first to think so.” “dear bat I doubt that, luxa and her flier quite admire you. the boy loves you to pieces. but of course there’s only so much it can do. especially when they’re around so little.” Ares nods. “you are a good friend, Ripred. thank you.” The gnawer almost smiles. “I sure will be.” and leaves the bat bewildered. but with a mixture of fear and hope. Ripred’s tender moments are rare. being around him often could make everything worse. he’d be even MORE ridiculed for associating with a gnawer, and he could just get a whole new layer of abuse added to his plate. or... or maybe Ripred could be his friend? they understood each other to a degree. both ostracized by their peers and alone, abused and depressed. scraping at the bottom. but Ripred didn’t care what anyone else thought, right? He surely wasn’t pining for affection. but... maybe he was a little lonely too.

Ares returns home with a bit of weight lifted off his chest. he’d finally talked about his problems... and hadn’t been ridiculed. he’d been comforted and validated. what a beautiful feeling.

a week or so later, Ares is training in the arena. alone. he was the only bat without a rider and ajax constantly reminded him about the empty space on his shoulders and in his heart. He knew he was top of his class in strength, speed, and near top on agility. but it was never enough. he was always ‘stupid.’ ‘clumsy’ and ‘arrogant.’ whatever. all the flier’s suddenly stop. a gnawer approaches the entrance. It’s Ripred, as per usual to meet with the council and royal family. everyone is wary and Ares ignores him. ajax goes with his bond to greet their guest but the rat brushes them off like last nights stand.

he looks up. “Ares!” he calls “Ares my swift death on dark wings, my epitome of aerodynamics!” The entire arena stops. all eyes on Ares. he felt himself shrink into his fur and flush with embarrassment and rage. the last thing he needed was more attention. especially for this. was this his way of being a friend? humiliating him? Ares, as professionally as possible, coasts down to see what the old rager could want with him.

Ripred just... talks to him. and coaxes ares to talk back. he almost completely ignores vikus and solavet. he even insults ajax to his face, berating and belittling him until the large red flier visibly cowers. that’s his specialty. he attacks ruthlessly and furiously about his abuse towards Ares. and the smaller fliers inferiority to him. Ares literally begs him to stop. the rat is having too much fun. after his meetings Ripred finds Ares again, and even drags him to dinner in the great hall. Ripred can actually be rather charming and kind. and Ares actually talks tenfold what he normally does, speaking in real sentences.

months go by and the two keep in touch. Ripred visits the flier’s hunting grounds often, and the Arena as well. Ares visits him too. at first ares tries to avoid him, given that the rat is very loud and boastful about his big buff handsome flier friend. calling him pet names and advertising his infinite endeering qualities to any regalian or flier in earshot.

but Are can’t help but laugh and smile. it honestly feels kinda good to joke with someone and have them care, have the be proud of him. the abuse over it fades and he starts being recognized as the trusted friend of the most dangerous creature in the underland. Ares only gets stronger as he occasionally carries his new friend around and they even did a training session together. no one could deny his impossible strength. Ripred won’t shut up about his incredibly studly bat babe and Ares just gets used to it. he talks more, he laughs more he moves in with ripred’s gang and even has a group of bat friends. but he will always spend his nights in Ripred’s den and hunt with his pack.

He learns to speak gnawer and knows the deadlands like no bat ever has. Ares befriends all 32 of the gnawers in their possey and they all share a slightly sadistic sense of humor. they laugh and joke together and protect eachother. He heals emotionally and learns to let peoples words roll off his shoulders in a healthy way. and there will always be bad people who are cruel to him but with Ripred’s protection and influence, it becomes less and less.

Living with the pack Ares gets to know pearlpelt. and they have more in common than they thought. loneliness, abuse, and deep rooted mistrust. Ares becomes a mediator between Ripred and the pup. Ripred lets it happen. as long as Ares helps babysit. Ares adopts pearlpelt full time but forces Ripred to help. there’s arguing there’s fighting but for the pup and future of the underland. and for their unspoken bond. they make it work. With Ares help a huge load is taken off of Ripred and he pushes himself to be more patient and kind.

they train together and talk together and ares even sleeps with the pup to help comfort him. He listens to his trauma. he teaches him rhymes and all about the humans and fliers. the good and the bad. he makes sure pearlpelt won’t blame them for what happened to him. he gets it into his head that his white coat and massive size are a mere coincidence of the double Y chromosome and albanism. Prophecies are dumb. he gets there before twirltongue and helps him see through her deception. Ares, in trying to train the pup to survive, is endlessely patient and affectionate. Pearlpelt will never go a day without someone saying ‘I love you’ or giving him a hug. because he knows what it does to your head. Ripred and Ares actually co-parent the bane. it doesn’t get between them. Ripred and Ares still fly talk, and laugh together. Pearlpelt quickly becomes too big for Ares to carry, but pearlpelt works harder than ever so he can carry his big black friend. Ares brings him human food from Regalia (as well as ripred, can’t forget his bestie) And the bane grows up a lot more stable and a lot more open minded and informed. Pearlpelt will never accept the humans. but he will not fight ares. he even meets luxa. they talk. they hear eachother’s pasts. they feel an understanding. they argue but come to an agreement. Ripred is always there to jeer and coo over him and Ares does it back. Ares and Ripred still visit regalia once a month for dinner and they bring pearlpelt with them. only after solavet dies of ‘mysterious causes’ all species start to form bonds and a multi city city is built. the dam is rebuilt and the garden of hesperdes is restored. pearlpelt matures and mellows out into the perfect hybrid of his two adopted dads. Aes goes from glossy black to silver and finds it difficult to fly. pearlpelt carries him wherever he wants and often to his own den to play with the heirs to the gnawer throne. ripred a lighter shade, is always with him. you’d thin they were bonded or married by how they smiled and talked or just sat in silence together. they are both less afraid and less lonely.

everything is a little more alright...

#ripred #ripred the gnawer #ares the flier #the underland chronicles

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spookypalace · 4 years

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something borrowed - chapter one

After one drink too many at her 30th-birthday celebration, Jo unexpectedly falls into bed with her longtime crush and best friend, Alex -- who happens to be engaged to her best friend, Izzie. Ramifications of the liaison threaten to destroy the women's lifelong friendship, while Jackson, Jo's confidant, harbors a potentially explosive secret of his own.

—

Or the one where everyone is a little messy but you still root for them anyway.

June 2010

“Oh! Wow, I had no idea! This is amazing.” The small brunette whispers to herself as she paces the dark littered sidewalk of ninth street in the East Village, the wind briskly wafting through her freshly curled hair as her high-heeled clad feet clicked against the gravel. “No, that sounds so obvious,” She continues to mumble to herself, using a manicured finger to flick away the bang which had stuck to the lip-gloss which painted her plump pink lips. With a deep sigh, she threw her hands back to her sides, shaking them furiously as she felt the familiar clammy feeling begin to settle in her palms due to her nervousness.

As her entire body began to heat up, she was thankful that it was the little black dress that had caught her eye earlier that evening whilst she was examining her wardrobe in search of something to wear. It wasn’t a dress she had chosen for herself; short little pieces of clothing had never been her thing—her style was usually casual, ripped jeans and relaxed t-shirts. But her best friend, Izzie Stevens, had picked it out specifically for her during a shopping trip back when they were college freshman. It was Izzie’s style; figure hugging, clinging to every curve and a deep square neckline which showed off her perky assets.

She didn’t believe she had any of that, never had. Her shoulders were a little wider than her hips, her legs much shorter, barely standing at five foot four and her chest substantially lacked what Izzie’s had. With luscious blonde hair which flowed down her back, blinding white teeth and skin smoother than butter, Izzie really was perfect. Izzie was always the lucky one, always had been—since they were in fifth grade. Her skin tanned more quickly, her hair feathered more easily, and she didn't need braces. Her cartwheels were superior, as were her front handsprings (she couldn't do a handspring at all). She had double-pierced ears and the trendiest clothing from her rich and caring parents.

But at least Jo would always be a few months younger than Izzie, six months, and four days to be exact. Izzie, as obsessed with clear and smooth skin as she was, constantly worried about growing old and the aging effects that was brought with old age. Izzie’s age was the one thing that Jo didn’t quite mind never catching up to.

“Oh my god!” Jo plasters a fake wide grin on her face and throws her hands into the air in mock surprise, white teeth illuminating the small corner of the street she continued to pace up and down. She brings her dainty hands to her chest and widens her eyes as not to blink, willing herself not to blink in an effort to fake cry. Something which she was usually very skilled at. But not tonight it seemed.

With a groan, Jo gives up, “I suck!” She shouts into the empty street before sitting down onto the concrete steps which lead up to the apartment building, she was currently having a small breakdown outside of. Huffing, she removes the black heel from her right foot, resting for a moment in hopes she’ll finally calm down.

The feeling Jo currently had reminded her of New Year's Eve when the countdown is coming and she’s not quite sure whether to grab my camera or just live in the moment. New Year’s Eve never goes how you plan. Then you’re left feeling enormously let down and think to yourself that the night would have been more fun if it didn't mean quite so much, if you weren't forced to analyse where you’ve been and where you’re going.

Like New Year's Eve, tonight is an ending and a beginning. She didn't like endings and beginnings. She would always prefer to churn about in the middle. The worst thing about this particular end (of her youth) and beginning (of middle age) is that for the first time in her life, Jo realises that she has no idea where she’s going. Her wants are simple: a job that she enjoys and a guy whom she loves. And on the eve of her thirtieth birthday, Jo had come to the realisation that she wasn’t anywhere near getting what she wanted.

First, she’s an attorney at a large New York firm. By definition this means that she’s miserable. Being a lawyer just isn't what she thought it was cracked up to be—it's nothing like L.A. Law, the show that caused applications to law schools to skyrocket in the early nineties. She works excruciating hours for a mean-spirited, anal-retentive partner, doing mostly tedious tasks, and that sort of hatred for what you do for a living begins to chip away at you. So, Jo had memorised the mantra of the law-firm associate: I hate my job and will quit soon. Just as soon as I pay off my loans. Just as soon as I make next year's bonus. Just as soon as I think of something else to do that will pay the rent. Or find someone who will pay it for me.

Which brings Jo to her second point: she feels desperately alone in a city of millions.

Whilst visually she knows for a fact she’s not alone, because if she were then she wouldn’t currently be stressing out about how to fake shock to all of her friends once she enters the club in which her ‘surprise’ birthday party is being hosted in five minutes. She had friends to summer within the Hamptons, friends to meet on a Thursday night after work for a drink or two or three, friends to gossip with and rant to. And she had Izzie, her best friend from home, who is all of the above.

For a while, friends were all she needed—when you’re in your twenties, settling down with the man of your dreams can wait. There’s still so much living to do when you’re twenty-three and then twenty-seven, but by the time you’re twenty-nine … the cold empty side of your double bed begins to get a little old.

“Right.” Jackson Avery’s voice booms from the now open door which leads to his apartment, shaking Jo from her thoughts of loneliness, “I’m ready, you good?” He asks with a smirk when he notices her perched on his steps, face bored and disinterested.

Big doe eyes, decorated with mascara and dark eyeshadow, glance up at him as her lips turn into a pout involuntarily. “I don’t wanna’ go,” she knows he thinks she sounds like a toddler, she can tell by the way he chuckles and continues to look down at her with raised eyebrows, “I don’t want to be thirty.”

Jackson jogs down the few steps, straightening the lapels of his suit jacket as he does so, until he’s standing directly in front of the small woman. “Come on,” he extends a handout to her, hoping she’ll take it without much of a fight. Jo only pushes her bottom lip out further as she places her foot back into the uncomfortable heel and places her hand into his, groaning as Jackson pulls her up with force. “If it makes you feel any better then honestly, you don’t look a day over twenty-five.”

Jo scoffs, letting him lead her towards the club only two streets away from his place, “right.”

She had met Jackson in college, during orientation their freshman year. Whilst they weren’t fast friends, both of them were rather reserved. After a while they began to grow closer; during study sessions and group projects—they always seemed to be on the same page. It wasn’t until they finished college and realised that they were only living a few blocks from one another that they really started to spend time outside of class together, Jackson was always available for a morning coffee or an afternoon stroll during a stressful day.

Izzie had always been adamant that Jackson was crushing hard on Jo, but she never saw it. When it came to men, Izzie had a one-track mind—according to the blonde, no male and female could ever just be friends. She believed this so strongly that she took it upon herself to try and set the pair up during every night out at the bar or weekend lunch. Something which got old and obnoxious on Izzie’s part fast. Due to this, Jo had chosen to keep her friendships with the two fairly separate. Except for the times it was unavoidable, like birthdays and engagement parties and whatnot. Like tonight.

They arrive at the club far too quickly for Jo’s liking, she comes to a stand still once they’re outside, dragging Jackson back by the clasp of their hands as she firmly stays put. He sighs, his eyes subtly giving her the once over now Jo’s directly stood in the bright lights of the nightclub’s neon sign. Jo doesn’t notice, pays no mind to the man in front of her as she thinks about what’s on the other side of that door.

“What’s up?” He asks, frowning with concern, “you love an excuse to get drunk—your thirtieth birthday is as good an excuse as any,”

Jo takes a deep breath, “I told you, I’m getting old.”

“Keep going with that and I’m going to get offended,” he steps closer to her with a smirk, eyes gazing down at hers, “you remember I turned thirty, like, ten months ago, right?”

At Jackson’s comment, a sincere smile finally spreads across Jo’s glossy lips, “barely, I woke up passed out in your bed with a pink wig on and roller skates hanging off my feet.” Jackson’s smirk turns into full-fledged laughter as he recalls the memory.

“If we’re lucky then maybe tonight will end similar.”

Jo’s eyes glimmer as she teases, “no way, I’m thirty tomorrow—it’s socially unacceptable for me to wake up in some random guys bed.”

Jacksons face turns into a mock frown, “random?” As they both continue to laugh with one another, Jo shoves a dainty hand into his chest and walks past him with a bump to his shoulder. Her heels click towards the large black door with the shiny brass handle, pulling it open as she throws an eye roll at him and finally gets over her nerves and steps into the room her friends had piled into to celebrate her birth.

She wasn’t alone, she knows that—she felt that when she stood with Jackson, laughing and smiling so effortlessly.

But she was lonely.

One hour later, once everyone has gotten over how atrociously Jo’s fake shock was, the party is in full swing. People were dancing and laughing and singing along to the sound of Jo and Izzie’s nineties playlist as it blared through the speakers.

She never enjoyed being the centre of attention, which is why she specifically asked Izzie months ago not to throw her any kind of party—before Jackson informed Jo that actually, Izzie had ignored her completely, Jo’s plan was to enjoy a chilled night at their favourite bar. Just Jo, Jackson, Stephanie, Izzie and Alex.

Alex. The one saving grace of this party—his face was the first she spotted when she walked through the club doors, the first voice she heard and the first person who brought a smile onto her face. He’d sent her a wink, one which reminded her of way back when they were barely twenty, and it sent butterflies swirling in her stomach. She won’t lie and say she wasn’t disappointed when Izzie ran through the crowd of people, arms swinging and lips screaming, to engulf Jo into a tight hug, spinning the shorter woman around, and cutting through the moment.

Jo’s current personal situation seems all the more dismal as she sat with her oldest and bestest friend in the corner booth of the club, the blonde had a glamorous PR job and was now freshly engaged. After all this time, Izzie is still the lucky one. Jo watches her, telling a story to the group which had gathered into the booth, including her fiancé.

Alex and Izzie were an exquisite couple, lean and tall with ridiculous good look and great jobs. They are among New York's beautiful people. The well-groomed couple registering for fine china and crystal on the sixth floor at Bloomingdale's. You hate their smugness but can't resist staring at them when you're on the same floor searching for a not-too-expensive gift for the umpteenth wedding you've been invited to without a date. You strain to glimpse her ring and are instantly sorry you did. She catches you staring and gives you a disdainful once-over. You wish you hadn't worn your tennis shoes to Bloomingdale's. She is probably thinking that the footwear may be part of your problem. You buy your Waterford vase and get the hell out of there.

“So, the lesson here is: if you ask for a Brazilian bikini wax, make sure you specify.” Izzie finishes her obscene tale, and the whole group laughs. Except for Alex, who shakes his head, as if to say, what a piece of work my fiancée is. “OK!” Izzie shouts obnoxiously, hands slapping together as she claps, “I’ll be right back, tequila shots for us all!”

Jo watches as she moves away from the group and towards the bar, leaning over the sticky surface to flirt with the young bartender, who she already told Jo she would ‘totally fuck’ if she was still single. As if Izzie would ever be single. She said once in high school, "I don't break up, I trade up." She kept her word on that, and she always did the dumping. Throughout our teenage years, college, and every day of our twenties, she has been attached to someone. Often, she has more than one guy hanging around, hoping.

It occurs to Jo that she could hook up with the bartender. She’s completely and totally unencumbered—hasn't even been on a date in nearly two months, it was an utter disaster and she decided she needed to give herself a break. But it doesn't seem like something one should do at age thirty. One-night stands are for girls in their twenties, and as of tomorrow morning she would no longer be in her twenties.

Plus, she thinks she’d had her fair share of one-night stands and after every single time she always found that she ended up thinking to herself that she was a relationship person. She preferred to know the person, nothing competed with the feeling of being familiar with someone’s body. Knowing exactly how to make them moan, their toes curl, and their skin tingle—that’s what she wanted. And there was the feeling of comfort, being so comfortable that there was no awkwardness and you never felt too shy to try something new. She missed that. She really really missed that.

She hadn’t experienced that since her last boyfriend, two years ago.

“You look great,” Alex whispers into her ear as the rest of the group continue to chatter, his hushed voice breaking Jo out of her sad sad thoughts.

Jo rolls her eyes, tilting her head so it falls against the side of his, “you have to say that I’m your fiancé’s best friend.” As comfortable as the position was, Jo lifts her head up quickly so she can turn to look Alex in the eyes—eyes which were wide, gazing down at her. His lips were parted, as if there was something he wanted to say but as he opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, Jo decides to relieve them of the thick tension and shakes her head with a small girlish girl.

“No, I don’t,” he finally adds, eyes continuing to watch her every movement. The way she picks up her full glass of vodka with dainty hands, the way her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks and her curls frame her face—small things he’s always noticed.

The tension is cut once Izzie returns with the shots, but Alex refuses his, so Izzie insists that Jo does the two. Before Jo knows it, the night starts to take on that blurry quality, when you cross over from being buzzed to drunk, losing track of time and the precise order of things. Apparently, Izzie had reached that point even sooner because she’s now dancing on the bar. Spinning and gyrating in a little red halter dress and three-inch heels.

"Stealing the show at your party," Stephanie, Jo’s closest friend from work, says under her breath. "She's shameless."

Jo giggles, not really caring—it was something she had come accustomed to. “She’s just a little drunk.” She’s not sure when she became the person who constantly made excused for Izzie’s behaviour, probably way back when they were fifteen … maybe twelve, who knows.

Everyone waits for her next move, which is to swivel her hips in perfect time to the music, bend over slowly, and then whip her body upright again, her long hair spilling every which way. Jo turns her head away from the woman up on the bar to glance at Alex, who in these moments can never quite decide whether to be amused or annoyed. To say that the man has patience is an understatement. Alex and Jo had that in common.

"Happy birthday, Jol!" Izzie yells. "Let's all raise a glass to Jo Wilson!" Which everyone does. Without taking their eyes off the blonde.

A minute later, Alex whisks her down from the bar, slings her over his shoulder, and deposits her on the floor next to Jo in one fluid motion. Clearly, this was something he had done before. "All right," he announces, glancing over to Jo apologetically. "I'm taking our little party-planner home."

Izzie plucks her drink off the bar and stamps her foot. "You're not the boss of me, Alex! Is he, Jo?" As she asserts her independence, she stumbles and sloshes her martini all over Alex's shoe. In usuall circumstances Jo would agree with Izzie—Alex wasn’t the boss of the woman. But at this very moment, as she continues to cause a scene with her temper tantrum, Jo had to agree with him.

Alex grimaces. "You're wasted, Iz. This isn't fun for anyone but you."

"Okay. Okay. I'll go... I'm feeling kind of sick anyway," she says, looking queasy.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jo asks, concern dripping from her voice despite the fact she felt incredibly drunk herself.

"I'll be fine. Don't you worry," she says, now playing the role of brave little sick girl.

Jo thanks her for the party, tells her that it was a total surprise—which is a lie, because she knew Izzie would capitalize on my thirtieth to buy a new outfit, throw a big bash, and invite as many of her friends as Jo’s own. Still, it was nice of her to have the party, and Jo’s finally glad that she did. Izzie’s the kind of friend who always makes things feel special. Izzie hugs Jo hard and tells her she'd do anything for her, and what would she do without Jo, her maid of honour, the sister she never had. She is gushing, as she always does when she drinks too much.

Alex cuts her off, "happy birthday, princess. We'll talk to you tomorrow." He gives Jo a kiss on the cheek as she grimaces at the old nickname he had coined all the way back when they were freshman in college. Before he exits, he turns back one last time, “you’ll be OK?”

"Thanks, Alex," Jo smiles. "I’ll be fine, good night."

Jo watches him usher Izzie outside, holding her elbow after she nearly trips on the curb. Oh, to have such a caretaker. To be able to drink with reckless abandon and know that there will be someone to get you home safely—so you didn’t end the night passed out on your male friend’s bed with absolutely no idea if anything happened between the pair of you.

Sometime later, Alex reappears in the bar—much to Jo’s drunken delight.

"Izzie lost her purse. She thinks she left it here.” He huffs with a roll of his eyes, “it's small, silver," he continues, using his hands to show them the size. "Have you seen it?""

“She lost her new Chanel bag?" Jo shakes her head and laughs, a little louder than she anticipated thanks to the alcohol coursing through her system, because it is just like Izzie to lose her things. Usually Jo would try her best to keep track of them for her, but as it was her birthday, she decided to go off duty—albeit unintentionally. Still, Jo helps Alex search for the purse, finally spotting it under a bar stool.

“Oh my god!” Jo hears Jackson’s mocking tone from behind her, “the Chanel purse, Jo!” She grabs the purse from the floor, accidentally knocking her head against the bar, before turning around to shove a laughing Jackson in the chest.

Alex grins, lifting a hand to ruffle her now slightly messy hair playfully, “what would I do without you?” He asks rhetorically, but there’s a glint in his eyes as he watches her glance up at the ceiling with a smug shrug, full of confidence.

As he turns to leave, Alex's friend Andrew, one of his groomsmen, convinces him to stay.

"C'mon, man. Hang out for a minute." With that, Alex calls Izzie at home and she slurs her consent, tells him to have fun without her. Although she is probably thinking that such a thing is not possible.

Gradually Jo’s friends peel away, Jackson included, saying their final happy birthdays. Alex and Jo outlast everyone, even Jackson. Something which wasn’t uncommon, it had become a regular occurrence since college. The pair sit at the bar making conversation with the young bartender from earlier who has an "Amy" tattoo and zero interest in the aging brunette lawyer.

It’s just after three when they decide that it's time to go. The night feels more like midsummer than spring, and the warm air infuses Jo with sudden hope: maybe this will be the summer she finds what she wants to do, where she’s going and all that crap.

Alex hails me a cab, but as it pulls over, he says, "how about one more bar?” His voice is hopeful and there’s that familiar crooked smirk on his lips, “one more drink?"

"Fine," Jo groans with a roll of her eyes, a smile on her face that tells Alex she’s joking—she’s more than happy to stop at one more bar with him. "Why not?" Jo grins as they both get into the can and he tells the cab driver to just drive, that he has to think about where to next.

They end up in Alphabet City at a bar on Seventh and Avenue B, aptly named 7B. It’s not an upbeat scene—7B is dingy and smoke-filled. They both like it anyway—it's not sleek and it's not a dive, it’s more up to their speed, more them.

Alex points to a booth, “sit down, this ones on me." Then he’s turning around, "what shall I get you, still partial to a vodka cranberry or beer?" He asks, that smirk still on his lips as he’s proud to think of how well he knows the woman in front of him.

Jo tells him she’ll have whatever he's having, and then she sits and waits for him in the dark red booth, patiently as the vodka and tequila and rum swills around her head. Jo watches as Alex says something to a girl who’s stood at the bar wearing army-green cargo pants and a tank top that says "Fallen Angel." Jo almost scoffs. Jo smiles and shakes her head, ignoring the familiar pang of jealousy running through her veins.

A moment later Alex slides in across from Jo in the old booth, pushing a beer her way. "Newcastle," he says before he smiles, crinkly lines appearing around his eyes. "You like?" Jo nods and smiles back at him.

From the corner of her eye, Jo see’s Fallen Angel turn on her bar stool and survey Alex, absorbing his chiselled features, wavy hair, full lips. Izzie complained once that Alex garners more stares and double takes than she does. Yet, unlike his female counterpart, Alex seems not to notice the attention. Fallen Angel now casts her eyes Jo’s way, likely wondering what Alex is doing with someone so average. Even if the little black dress did wonders for her usually non-existent cleavage, Jo didn��t see herself as anything special. She finds herself silently hoping that the girl thinks they're a couple. Tonight, nobody has to know that she is only a member of the wedding party.

“That’s the dress you wore to our celebratory drinks the night we took the bar.” Alex notices, tilting his beer in her direction.

“Oh wow,” Jo let’s out a breathy laugh, “you remember that?”

Alex smirks before letting out a sigh and shaking his head in almost disbelief, “Of course I do. You threw up all over my bathroom floor whilst wearing it.”

Jo’s jaw drops to the floor at the mention of the old memory, her eyes scanning over Alex as he sets his beer down and lets out a hearty laugh. “Noooo,” she drags the word out, cringing, “I was such a disaster.”

Alex scoffs, “no you were not, you were a college student.”

And for the third time that night, their eyes are glued to one another’s, both having so much to say but having no idea how to say it. But this is how it had always been with Alex, even when they could feel the tension between them—they were still nothing but completely comfortable with one another. Although, in this instance, her cheeks began to heat up.

Jo clears her throat, shaking her head, hoping the waft of her hair would cool down the heat that was rising at the back of her neck. “Do you remember that apartment,” she reminisces, “it barely fit the two of us.”

“How could I forget,” Alex mumbles with a grin, “I spent half the time I lived there sleeping on the floor ‘cause your place was always flooding.”

“I don’t know why you always let me crash in your bed.” Jo thinks out loud. He doesn’t answer, just shakes his head and takes another long swig of his beer, hoping the conversation will change. “You know, I had a huge thing for you back in college.” The words tumble from her lips, so fast he barely catches them but after a second he’s certain of what he’s heard. And she wants to say it’s the drink talking—the alcohol running through her system. But it’s not. And he knows its not. She can tell by the way he awkwardly bows his head, hiding his smile and shaking his head.

Eventually, the conversation changes and it’s as if she never made the slip up. But she did. But then Alex is talking about his job and their Hamptons share that begins in another week and a lot of things. It’s always been this way, easy and comfortable. But Izzie doesn’t come up and neither does their September wedding, not once.

After the pair finish their beers they move over to the jukebox, fill it with dollar bills, searching for good songs as they giggle and tease one another about their song choices. Jo pushes the code for "Thunder Road" twice because she knows it’s his favourite song.

"Yes, Springsteen's got to be at the top of the list. Ever seen him in concert?" Alex’s eyes glimmer, as they glance down to Jo—a tipsy smile gracing his lips.

"Nope," Jo answers with a laugh, “grew up homeless, remember. Concerts were a luxury I couldn’t afford." Jo almost tell him that Izzie offered to take her back in high school, well, Izzie would have been dragged along out of pity even though she much preferred groups like the Backstreet Boys. But Jo decides it’s best not to bring this up. Because then he’ll remember that it’s probably time to go home to Izzie and she doesn't want to be alone in her dwindling moments of twenty-somethingness.

Alex chuckles, never being one to skirt around Jo’s tough upbringing, it was actually one of the reasons they became such good friends. “You’ve had a zip code for over ten years now, I’m not letting that excuse slide anymore.”

Jo mocks shock, slapping a hand against the back of his upper arm, “not an excuse, jerk.”

Not too long later, it’s last call at 7B. They get a couple more beers and return to their booth.

Sometime later they are back in a cab once again, going north on First Avenue. "Two stops," Alex tells the cab driver, as they both live on opposite sides of Central Park. Alex is holding Izzie's Chanel purse, which looks small and out of place in his large hands. Jo glances over at the silver dial of his Rolex, a gift from Izzie. It is just shy of five o'clock. They sit almost silently for a stretch of ten or fifteen blocks, besides for a few comments mixed with tipsy laughter, both of them looking out of their respective side windows, until the cab hits a pothole and Jo finds herself lurched into the middle of the backseat, her bare leg grazing his.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Alex’s lips are on Jo’s. He’s kissing her. Or maybe she’s the one kissing him. But, somehow, no matter who was the one that initiated it, they’re kissing. And Jo’s mind has gone blank as she listens to the soft sound of their lips meeting again and again. Their tongues tangle, fighting for dominance which Alex eventually wins over and Jo can’t complain … because this is what she’s wanted for so so long.

Ever since freshman year.

At some point, Alex taps on the Plexiglas partition and tells the driver, between kisses, that it will just be one stop after all.

They arrive on the corner of seventy-third and third, near Jo’s apartment. Alex hands the driver a twenty and doesn’t bother to wait for change. They spill out of the taxi, kissing more on the sidewalk and then in front of Jose, Jo’s doorman. It makes her giggle and not because she’s still a little tipsy and high from the feeling of Alex’s lips on hers but because who would’ve thought—Hobo Jo has a doorman.

Their lips don’t part the whole way up in the elevator, their hands grabby and desperate as they try to fight the urge to rip off one another’s clothing. Alex has Jo pressed against the elevator wall, her hands moving to the back of his head.

Once their up, she fumbles with her key, turning it the wrong way in the lock as Alex keeps his arms around her waist, his soft lips nipping and biting against her neck and the side of her face. Finally, the door is open, and they’re no longer just kissing and touching. They’re in the middle of her studio, and he’s slowly pulling down the thin straps of her dress, kissing the soft skin where his hands graze—savouring the moment.

Just as Alex is about to pull down the tight dress the rest of the way. His hands stop their descent, placing them on either side of her head and forcing her to look at him. Her pink plump lips swollen, hair messy from him running his fingers through the long tendrils—she looked perfect, he’s never thought she looked more perfect than she did in this very moment.

“Are you drunk?" His voice is a whisper in the dark.

"No," Jo says. Because you always say no when you're drunk. And even though she is a little, she seems to have a lucid instant where she can consider this whole thing clearly. It strikes her that, in a sense, she can have both a momentous birthday night and the one thing she’s wanted for as long as she can remember.

One thought of Izzie is in her mind, but she’s being pushed to the back, overwhelmed by a force stronger than their friendship and her own conscience.

Within seconds, Alex’s lips are back on hers and he’s hurriedly removing her dress ad she makes quick work of snapping open the buttons of his crisp white shirt. Jo doesn’t even realise they’re moving backwards until he’s throwing her down onto the soft bed and Alex crawls on top of her. Jo’s eyes flutter closed, then open, then closed again as a swarm of pleasure sweeps over her as Alex’s hand continue to roam over her body.

“Me too.”

“Hmm?”

“I had a huge thing for you, too. Still do.”

And then, somehow, she’s having sex with her best friend's fiancé.

#jolex #jo wilson #alex karev

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nxrthmizu · 5 years

Text

[Broken Hearts and Empty Ones]- Daminette Songfic: ‘The Only Exception’, ft. Paramore

---

When I was younger

I saw my daddy cry

And curse at the wind

Damian crouched outside the door of the office, hearing Bruce’s muffled sobs echoing softly in the secluded area of the manor. The fact that Bruce was crying was nerve-wracking enough- But crying over a woman? That was something else- Especially since that woman was his mother.

He broke his own heart

And I watched

As he tried to reassemble it

Damian watched as his father kept a straight face at breakfast the next morning, the cries and tears of last night only a distant memory- Perhaps even a dream. He watched the way Bruce looked at Tim and Stephanie with that wistful spark in his eyes. He watched the way tears- Not happy tears, but broken-hearted tears- Gathered in his father’s eyes when Dick and Barbara got married.

And my momma swore

That she would never let herself forget

When Damian was still young, he remembered how his mother would put on the cold, uncaring expression on despite the fact she just caught the title of ‘Gotham Playboy Bruce Wayne Caught With (---)’ on the first page of the latest news.

She raised him, telling him that no one was trustable, that giving out his heart would only result in it getting broken.

And that was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love

If it does not exist,

She’d made him promise, she said: “Don’t you ever let love be your weakness.” and Damian had swore, Damian had squeezed every ounce of affection out of his system, had made sure he’d never develop a crush on anyone.

but darlin'

You are, the only exception

The first day he’d met her in college, he’d scoffed at the sight of a weak, frail girl- Clearly, this was someone who gave her heart away too easily- And got it returned, broken.

You are, the only exception

But the next day, she’d brought him a paper bag of macarons and she’d told him to eat up. And then, out of sheer curiosity, he asked why she’d let her heart get broken. She took one look at him, and told him that his heart was as empty as hers was broken, and then pushed the paper bag closer to him.

You are, the only exception

He’d been offended at first, and refused to talk to her. He’d given her the cold shoulder, telling himself it was better to have an empty heart than a broken one. But even though he’d ignored her, brushed her aside, and spat at her about keeping to her own business, without fail, everyday, he’d have a bag of fresh macarons on his table.

There was even one day when he thought she’d stopped making macarons, but later, when he was at the library, studying, she’d dropped by, setting a bag of macarons on his table, walking away without another word. And although he didn’t want to admit it, he ate all of the macarons (Only because they were good and it was a pity to throw them away).

You are, the only exception

Then, after that, he’d find a bag of fresh, toasty macarons inside the mailbox of his hostel, everyday. But on a faithful Friday, two weeks after she’d told him his heart was empty- He found a sticky note on his bag of macarons. It read: Broken hearts take time to fix, but an empty heart takes affection to mend.

One part of him scoffed at how cringey it was, how naive she was. But another part of him pocketed the note, another part of him held the note to his heart in the dark, and smiled like a teenager in love.

---

Maybe I know, somewhere

Deep in my soul

That love never lasts

If she was being honest, Marinette saw it coming. From the day she’d asked him out, to the day he broke it off, she’d always knew that he was too good for her, and that her love would never be enough to tie him down.

And we've got to find other ways

To make it alone

But keep a straight face

She’d refused to be the girl who spent hours crying over her breakup, but that didn’t mean she didn’t shed a few tears while watching romantic movies, all alone in the apartment that she had spent so much time in with him.

And I've always lived like this “You can keep it,” He said, tossing the keys of their apartment to her, his arm around his new, smirking girlfriend, who looked as proud as the cat who got the canary.

She’d caught the keys with shaking hands, dripping tears, and a broken heart. Keeping a comfortable, distance After one week of mourning the silence in the apartment, she got herself together. She made designs, she listened to breakup songs, she attended college while earning money off commissions.

And up until now

Once in a while, she’d find something that was his, and then think: Wow, he’s been gone for three months now.

I had sworn to myself

“I’m happy,” She said, a sad smile on her face as her friends got engaged, one by one.

that I'm content

“I’m happy,” She told her parents, a bright smile on her lips, a heavy weight jerking on her chest as she glanced at her mother’s wedding ring.

With loneliness “I’m happy,” She whispered, sitting alone in a quiet apartment, knowing that the rest of her friends were shopping for wedding gowns.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

She cried and screamed when she found a framed photo of her and him, six months ago, his arm around her waist and matching, in-love smiles on their faces.

But, you are, the only exception

When she looked at him, the new boy in her college class, she saw- Nothing. There was no love, no hate, no joy, no despair. And for some reason, a voice in her head told her that yes, she was going to help him.

You are, the only exception

She picked up the spatula, hesitating, remembering all the times she baked home-made pastries for him until the day that she found the pastries she’d packed for him to eat at work in the trash can, all of them untouched. She shook her head, and told herself no, she would never again associate the thought of baking with him.

You are, the only exception

Everyday, without fail, she packed macarons for him, and everyday, she found her heart slowly, slowly piecing itself back together. And every morning, she found herself waking up with a smile, getting up to gather her ingredients and make more fresh macarons for him.

You are, the only exception

It went to the point where she gained the courage to put a sticky note on his bag of macarons, and as she was writing, she glanced up, catching view of herself in the mirror. Her eyes had stopped being sunken; The dark circles beneath were gone; And most of all- A soft, genuine smile was stretched across her lips.

---

I've got a tight grip on reality

Damian decided enough was enough. He asked around for her apartment address, and on a Saturday morning, he waited for her, right outside her door.

But I can't let go of what's in front of me here

Oh, she’d been surprised, alright. Once the shock wore off, she’d smiled sweetly at him, and then Damian realised, as he looked at her, that she’d mended her heart. Sure, you could still see the little flaws and cracks in her once-full heart, but somehow, she’d gathered the million shatters of her heart and then stuck them back together.

“Hey...?” She greeted unsurely, and he noted the recycled bags in her hand. “Good morning.”

He nodded in response, his tongue absolutely tied. He fiddled with her sticky note inside his pocket, and gestured with his other hand for her to go on with her day. He was grateful that she didn’t ask any questions about why he was following her. The two walked to the subway, took three stops down, and emerged on a busy street. After another bit of a walk, they stopped at the grocery store.

“So, why did you follow me to the grocery store?” She asked, arms crossed.

He only shrugged and gestured for her to go on. He carried the basket as she picked up her usual ingredients, eyeing Damian with a wary glance. Flour, almond ground, meringue. When she was done, she went over to take the basket from him, but he held on firmly. She raised an eyebrow but never said anything as they made their way to the paying counter. When she was about to take out her purse to pay, he gave the cashier his credit card.

When she protested, he had said: “The least I can do is pay for the ingredients.” She went quiet, and then everything made sense.

On the way back to the subway station, he had insisted on carrying the bags like the gentleman he was. Sure- He might’ve never had a crush on a girl before, but Bruce and Alfred made sure he was raised right.

I know you’re leaving in the morning, when you wake up

“You know, you’re really incredible.” He said, smiling at her.

“Oh?” The corner of her mouth lifted. “How so?”

Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream, oh

He took out the sticky note from his pocket, and the shock on her face was something he would never forget. “Remember this?” The note was wrinkled and stained- It was pretty obvious that he had opened it and re-folded it many, many times. “You said ‘A broken heart takes time to fix, but an empty heart takes affection to mend’.”

She nodded, unsure of where the conversation was going. “You’re really incredible, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” He repeated. “In under two weeks, you managed to fix both a broken heart and an empty one.”

They stopped walking, and she stared at him.

You are, the only exception

”You actually listened to what I said.” She said, finally. “I didn’t think you would.”

You are, the only exception

He shrugged. “I thought I’d never fall in love, either, but look where I am now.” He smiled softly. “You really are something else.”

You are, the only exception

She blushed.

You are, the only exception

“You have to promise me something, though.” He put on a serious face. “Promise me you’ll never stop making macarons for me.”

She hit him playfully, and then Damian knew in that instant, his empty heart had been mended.

You are, the only exception

On a Friday evening, as she returned from the campus library, Marinette glimpsed something sticking out of her apartment mailbox. She opened it cautiously, afraid that it was a prank. A paper bag sat quietly inside, a little letter lying next to it. She peered into the paper bag, letting out a delighted squeal when she spied a container with disfigured-looking cream puffs.

You are, the only exception

The letter, which she opened later in her apartment, read: This was my first attempt at making cream puffs. I know they probably aren’t the best payment to you, especially since your macarons always look perfect and let’s not mention you fixed my ‘empty heart’ (Your words, not mine). So... If the cream puffs aren’t good enough of a repayment, could I possibly make it up to you with a date? Tomorrow night, 6pm? Sincerely, your-once-empty-hearted-boy, Damian Wayne.

You are, the only exception

Three months later, she’d decided that the apartment was still a little painful to live in, and after selling it off, both she and Damian had put together the money that they had from doing commissions and working at a cafe respectively, and they’d bought a little apartment not too far from the college.

You are, the only exception

One evening, two years after they’d graduated- She’d dressed up nicely to go on a date- He’d said ‘dress extra nice’ in his text, then added: ‘don’t worry too much, you’d look good in whatever you pick’. Once the taxi had dropped her off, she looked around the lavender field that Damian had instructed her to go to- face brightening when she saw her beloved once-empty-hearted boy.

It was difficult not to squeal as he got on one knee, taking a velvet box out of his back pocket. Both of them were shaking with emotions, and Damian hadn’t even gotten the first word out and he was already getting teary. Marinette was seconds from sobbing out of happiness.

“Marinette,” He took her hand, his voice shaking. “When we first met, you told me I was as empty-hearted as your were broken.” Damian swallowed. “And even after I snapped at you, brushed you off, you still made those macarons for me.” Both of them shared a teary laugh. “And under two weeks, you fixed both your broken heart and my empty one. So,” He choked, his heart nearly bursting from the pressure. “Will you let me be your once-empty-hearted-boy forever, and let me marry you?”

“Yes,” Marinette laughed, tears dripping down her cheeks. “A thousand times yes!”

And I'm on my way to believing

Damian, standing at the altar with his father and brothers next to him, couldn’t believe how lucky he was. Just because this one girl in his college class had looked at him and decided that she was going to help fix his heart, he was getting married. Bruce, for once, didn’t look broken-hearted at a wedding as Selina smiled proudly from the front row seat.

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.

Marinette, in her beautiful, white ballgown, arm-in-arm with her father, bit her lip, trying not to cry and ruin her makeup. In their relationship, Damian was wrong about one thing- Marinette didn’t fix her broken heart on her own. Damian was the one who mended her broken heart- The thought of Damian eating her macarons- And when he told her to promise to make those macarons for him for the rest of their lives- That, was the very moment that Marinette’s heart blossomed again.

They were each other’s exceptions.

---

I am not kidding you I CRIED WHILE REREADING THIS that is how emotional i am people and whoop am i getting a hold of my procrastination! I wrote a chapter of lord bug robin and kitty noir- And it was a mighty long chapter, too, and then i wrote this. Whoaaaaa i did a lot of writing for one day~ I’ve been writing since like, after lunch, and now, it’s almost six (Where i’m from it’s almost six) and i’ve been writing for like... Six hours. *claps self on back and gives self reward sticker* and if i tagged you and you didn’t want to be tagged I'm sowy :( i just copied the tag lists from my lord bug and hogwarts au... Sowy if you didn’t want to be tagged... And I'm a hundred percent sure that some people were tagged twice... Anyways love y’all <3

(Tag list! @yin-390 @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog@constancetruggle@the-navistar-carol @never-neverland @rayray384@mystery-5-5 @black-streak@bluerosette23 @seraphichana @you-will-never-know-how-i-think@mikantsume @graduatedmelon@thebookwormfairy@crazylittlemunchkin@shizukiryuu @screamingtofillthevoid@serenacross200@zestyzealot@redscarlet95 @roseinbloom02 @beautym3@resignedcatservant@sizzling-fairy-oil @tinybrie @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry@lunar-wolf-warrior@northernbluetongue @dannyelric301 @daminett4life@loysydark @sparkle9510@erick-rose99-stuff @nataladriana9 @maya-custodios-dionach @myazael @sassakitty @clumsy-owl-4178 @emootaku-666)

Tag list: @kceedraws @constancetruggle @ellerahs @2sunchild2 @mystery-5-5 @ki117h3dr4g0n @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @tbehartoo @resignedcatservant @im-here-for-the-content @mooshoon @darkened-flame @spicybelladonna @whomthefyck @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @xxmadamjinxx @rhub4rb @a-marlene-s @mochinek0 @zalladane @t-nikki10 @angelicbookfangirl @politelyvicious @mikantsume @iggy-of-fans @shizukiryuu @littleredrobinhoodlum @thebananathatwrites @my-name-is-michell @7-sage-7 @linnyalou @ladylb @particularlygeeky @vivilakitty @iglowinggemma28 @alexzandria-747 @luciferge @lunar-wolf-warrior @aurordraws @urbanpineapplefarmer @clumsy-owl-4178 @creator-josie @driftingmoonlitpetals @fiendsangelical @mjisntme @two-faced-biatch @thecatnipmademedoit @northernbluetongue

#damian wayne mlbdc #marinette dupaincheng mlbdc #i nearly cried writing this btw if anyone was wondering #the only exception #paramore #mlbdc #mlb x dc #miraculous ladybug x dc #daminette #damian wayne x marinette dupain cheng #bruce wayne mlbdc #poor baby bruce #talia al ghul mlbdc #I'm crying guys

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misterghostfrog · 4 years

Text

Forgiveness Is Divine But I'm An Earthly Thing

Did someone say ‘more scottish safehouse grieving fics’?

Based off my idea of Jon getting Big Sad over Daisy from this ficlet. And ended up with a bit of exploring Martins feelings abt his mum. With a bonus Big Soft at the end. Enjoy!

(Content warnings: Grief and discussions of grieving, vague discussions about past child abuse.)

Jon stares vacantly at the scrap of fabric that might once have been called a curtain resting haphazardly on the coffee table. He feels exhausted. Like someone took all the emotions he had left, scooped them out and dumped them somewhere. Leaving him weighted and hollow.

It had taken him off guard, just how hard the realization had hit him. Sure he’d known she was gone, from the moment he’d heard Basira’s voice over the phone. But there hadn’t been a moment where he’d really considered it. Not until he pulled that blasted curtain out from the knot of sheets that had formed in the linen closet and began running his thumb over the shoddy Daisy patterning lining the bottom.

It had thrown him back to a conversation he and Daisy had had barely a month ago. He’s not sure how it happened, but they had stumbled onto the topic of the worst gifts they had ever received, and Daisy admitted she wasn’t actually a fan of Daisies. She liked the idea of them, the sweet sunshiny association, but the flower itself was sort of underwhelming, not enough color, she’d said. That never stopped people from getting her things with Daisies on them though. She’d told him about how the gifts usually ended up shoved in cupboards or stuck in storage. Only pulled out when she needed to make a show of using the them for the giver, or used as a backup when something else breaks or is ruined until she can replace the item in question with something with a different pattern.

The thought had been something of a fond memory, a quiet respite amid the louder chaos of the archives. And looking at that curtain the thought had suddenly hit him that it would never happen again.

He knows he scared Martin when he’d curled over that little piece of scrap fabric, clinging to it like a child. But once he’d started the tears he found he just couldn’t stop. Like a dam had finally broken and he was drowning in the feelings stuck behind it. Unable to so much as speak between the choked gasping sobs.

Martins arms are wrapped solidly around him now as he leans back against the arm of the couch. His legs are draped across the cushions, he’d positioned the two of them so Jon was curled up in his lap, leaning against his chest. He’d sat with him this whole time, while Jon cried. Patiently waiting until he’d gathered himself.

For what feels like the hundredth time since they’ve settled in the safehouse, Jon wonders how he could ever have not appreciated Martin for everything he does- and is.

“I’m sorry.” He murmurs hoarsely. Turning his head slightly, breaking his staring contest with the scrap fabric on the coffee table to bury his face in Martin's chest.

“Jon- Don’t be. it’s fine. We’ve sort-of been through a lot lately, I think you’ve earned a good cry.” Martin says, carding his fingers through Jons hair.

“Thank you... I just-” Jon takes a shaky breath “I suppose the fact that she’s gone didn’t really... hit me. Until now.”

Martin pauses.

“Who- you mean Daisy?” He asks

“I- yes. She was- we were-” Friends he trips on the word. They’d never really said it, that they were friends. But that’s what they were. As much as they could be considering the circumstances. “-close. After- after the buried.”

There’s a pause, and Jon glances upwards at Martins face. His eyebrows are knit close and his lips pressed together in an expression Jon doesn’t quite have the energy to decipher.

“What?”

“Didn’t she, y’know, kidnap you? Throw you in a trunk with-”

“Yes.” Jon cuts him off, the memory of Daisy throwing him into the back of her car alongside a corpse sits at the back of his mind like a threat “She did.”

“Sorry- sorry. I just... I guess I know you two were friends but... I guess I find it hard to believe you just... forgave her? Just like that?” Jon can hear the way his voice pitches up in offence at the end of the sentence, always quick to defend Jons honour. He huffs.

“I didn’t, actually.”

Martin pauses.

“I thought you said you were close.”

“Yes, well. That doesn’t mean I forgave her for what she did- if I had to forgive everyone who's ever hurt me to care about them my life would have been significantly lonelier I think- And she... she didn’t expect me to.” He runs his finger idly over a loose thread of Martins Jumper “I don’t think we could have been friends if she had. And- I think she knew that. And besides that I know she knew that she- she didn't have the right to expect- or even ask me to forgive her.”

“Oh”

“And it doesn’t mean I cared about her any less. It just- it just meant our relationship was more... complicated. And despite that I think...” He chuckles wryly “I think I could probably say with reasonable confidence that she was my best friend.” he tries for another laugh, but it comes out wobbly and far too close to a sob as tears he didn’t even know he had left in him threaten to fall.

“I’m sorry, Jon” Martin says softly. Squeezing his shoulder gently with the hand that isn’t still running through his hair. “But... I mean- she’s not completely gone, is she? I mean you said yourself she’s still alive so-”

“No.” Jon says softly. “I mean, she is alive. That much is true, but... She gave into the hunt. She had been fighting it for a long time and... she had to make a choice. The hunt or her humanity, and she chose the hunt. She- she chose it to keep us safe but- well. Intent doesn’t really translate that well when it comes to eldritch fear monsters. So technically she is alive. But... what’s left of her- its not Daisy. Not anymore. She’s gone.”

“Oh.” Martin's voice sounds terribly small. Jon feels awful for dashing his hopes- even though they weren’t even his hopes to begin with. He’d only said that to make Jon feel better. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s-” It’s not fine, so he doesn’t let himself say it is “It is what it is, I suppose.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a silence then, as both their eyes drift to the curtain. Jon knows Martin likely doesn’t have many- if any, pleasant memories of Daisy. But the mere act of trying to understand her importance to Jon is far more significant than he knows.

In the absence of tears and memories he finds his eyelids drifting shut without his permission. There’s more to be said of course, more to talk about and more to feel. But the consequences of such an exhausting exercise in emotion weighs heavily on him, and for once, he thinks he can indulge in the luxury of rest. So he allows himself to just be wrapped up there for a moment. Exhausted but nonetheless safe.

Neither of them sleep well in the safehouse. It’s hardly a surprise, between the cacophony of horrors they’ve both faced over the past few years it’s really a shock they sleep at all. But that doesn’t make the long silent hours of the night when they’re both pretending to sleep for the others benefit any less grueling.

Martin isn’t sure if Jon knows just how little he sleeps, he lies still and quiet well enough. Partly in hopes that Jon will get some rest himself, and partly because he thinks that maybe if he acts like he’s asleep his brain will get the message.

It’s easy to tell when Jon is awake though, he thinks he’s being subtle. But he’s a terrible liar, and a worse actor. And he doesn't know that when he's really asleep he's still as the dead unless you try to move him, at which point he’ll cling as tight as he can to whatevers closest. Which is usually Martin nowadays. So Martin knows he’s not waking him when he speaks quietly into the darkness.

“Have I ever told you about my mum?” His voice is low, just above a whisper even though it’s just the two of them.

Jon tenses in his arms, he likely hadn’t even realized Martin was awake.

He knows in theory this is hardly the best time for the conversation, but it’s harder to sort good choices from bad so late at night. When it’s practically morning and his head is so fogged with sleeplessness someone could tell him he’s dreaming and he’d believe them.

“I- no. You haven’t” Jons voice is quietly bewildered, the volume matching Martin’s own tone. “I mean, I know you dropped out to take care of her, but that’s it.”

Martin humms vacantly, resting his forehead against the crown of Jon's head. Jon has both legs wrapped around one of Martins own, one arm slung over his middle and the other pressed between them. It’s nice, he’s not sure he would be able to deal with the sleepless nights if it wasn’t for Jon curled around him like some sort of affectionate snake. And now the warm contact gives him the courage to continue speaking, to let the words jumble out as they may.

“She... she never liked me y’know. I tried. I really did but- she got... it wasn’t her fault. My dad- he left, when she got diagnosed. And a-apparently I look just like him. And she... she didn’t like the reminder. A-and it made her say- say things. I suppose.” He takes a shaky breath “But I keep- I keep thinking about what you said about Daisy, h-how you don’t have to forgive someone to care about them...“

He pauses, Jon doesn’t respond. Running his thumb over Martins shoulder blade, waiting.

“is it- is it bad if I can’t forgive my mum?” His voice sounds so small in his own ears. Jon pushes his head further into Martins chest, and sighs.

“You do realize i’d be something of a hypocrite if I said it was” He says quietly.

“Yea but, I mean... Daisy was different, wasn’t she? I-I mean- it wasn’t her fault what she did, all that stuff she said. She was- she was hurting. She didn’t-” He stops as Jon shifts, pulling his head back and unwrapping his arms from Martins chest, bringing his hands up to cup Martins face. Gently guiding his head until he’s looking Jon in the eye.

“Martin- that’s not...you could probably make the same arguments for Daisy. That she didn’t know what she was doing, she didn’t mean to hurt people. But that doesn’t change the fact that she did.” He says seriously.“You don’t owe her your forgiveness. Not if she hurt you.”

“But... she was my mum, Jon.”

There’s a pause, Jon runs his thumb over Martins jawline. Martin can barely make out his expression in the faint moonlight. But he can tell he’s thinking.

“Did I ever tell you I was raised by my grandmother?” He says softly after a long pause.

“No, you didn’t”

“Yes, well. My parents died... when I was very young. And she was the only living relative I had left. And while she did her best... well, it was clear she didn’t exactly- she was done raising children. And having one dropped in her lap wasn’t really in her retirement plan. She tried to hide it of course, but... I knew I wasn’t wanted.” He sighs “and that... was damaging. I think. And led to some things that... that weren’t her fault, but I still- it still hurts. I did love her, though. But I can’t forgive her for some of the mistakes she made in raising me. Intentional or not.”

“Oh, Jon...”

“You don’t owe your Mother your forgiveness, Martin. It doesn’t make you- ungrateful or bad to not forgive her. It just means she did things you can’t just, let go of. I-if that makes sense.”

“I... Yeah. I think- it does. Yeah.”

There’s a silence, and Martin takes a moment to process the words. He’s not sure if he can use them yet, he never realized how much time he’s spent trying to force himself to forgive his mother for... everything. He knows it’ll be a hard habit to break. But for now, he lets them sit comfortably in his chest. Curling back around Jon, who sighs into his shirt.

“Thank you, Jon.” He says softly.

“Of course.”

He wishes he could say they both drifted off into an easy sleep after that, but the sleeplessness holds fast until the sun is nearly up. And they find themselves stumbling around the kitchen like every morning, sleep deprived and clumsy. The night's conversation not entirely forgotten, but unimportant in the face of breakfast.

There’s more to talk about of course, there always will be. He thinks. But for now it’s enough to just be there, together in that cramped barely-functional kitchen. Simply enjoying each others presence.

Always. It’s a thought that hasn’t occurred to him before, but now. Even as sleep deprived and clumsy and miserable as they are in the cramped house. They’re together. And it feels like something they could have. An always. Maybe not here, but together all the same.

Martin watches Jon curse as the milk he pours into his cereal hits the spoon and ricochets onto his shirt. Soaking through even as he tries to wipe it off with his sleeve.

Always has never seemed so promising.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma fic #jonmartin #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #ghostly scribbles

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thekingsfortress · 4 years

Text

-----------------------------------------------

Waiting for the right time

Word Count

3464 Words

AGERE JANUS JUST CUZ WE NEEDED MORE!! THANKS!!

Also this is my first Agere oop, please be nice ^^

Proof reading- who's she never heard of her-

It had been a long week for Janus, he had to calm down Patton from his little rampage, he had to try and convince Roman that he wasnt all that bad, which didn't work at all, and on top of it, he revealed his name.

At the moment he kinda regretted sharing his name, he wasn't ready to share it, not at all, however he felt it necessary to get thomas to just listen to him, and lo and behold, it worked! However, because he made himself so vulnerable, he left himself wide open to Romans laughter.

He knows he shouldn't have said what he had said to him, he knew how insecure the other got, but he couldn't help it, the other just mad him so angry!!! He felt like he needed to protect himself... but- but.. he ended up hurting the other.

He knew he should go and apologize... but he really didn't want to, the other started it so why should he Apologize first!

He shakes his head, holding it in his hands, he had to stop thinking like that... he knows that if he kept it up, he would end up regressing.. he can't afford to do that, it was too soon after the video, he had to make sure no one would come for him.. he also really didn't wanna.. he was always too lonely when he regressed, it's not like he could help it, he knows if he told the others.. they would just laugh.. just like how they laughed at his name.

Janus sighs, glancing around the room, trying to find something to focus on so that he wouldn't lose himself to his other half. He hears a knock on his door and gets up, going over and opening it.

Staring at him was the light blue side everyone knew as Patton, Janus hums, he can't say he didn't expect a visit from the light side, he knew sooner or later the other would come, he WAS basically accepted by Thomas now, so it was only time before the dad side decided to pay him a visit.

Janus tried to keep his composure and looks at the light side, clearing his throat, "good evening Patton, what do I owe the pleasure for such an intelligent, like minded individual such as yourself to come visit a dark, visious, evil, side like me?" He questions, plastering on a smirk.

"You aren't evil Janus" Patton says, using the sides real name, making said side flinch just a bit, he was definitely going to get used to that.

"Ahah, alright, whatever you say, however, you still haven't answered my question" Janus rolls his eyes a little, glancing at his gloves, his thumb picking at his fingers just a bit.

"Oh, well I was wonderingggg if you would like to uhhhh- join in on movie night with me and the others!" Patton grins happily.

Janus's eyes sparkle for a small second, movies!!! With the light sides! Did that mean candy and popcorn and- wait no! Stop!!! You clearly can't join if you are going to be like this!!!

Janus shakes his head for a bit, not noticing the concerned look on Pattons face, "kiddo?" The fatherly side questions.

Janus's head snaps up at the nickname, confusion on his face, Patton had never called him kiddo, not even once! He awhs a bit, he felt his chest swell up with joy at the nickname, but he pushed that aside, "what?" He questions.

"Is something wrong?" Patton asks, "you looked a bit dazed out when I asked you to join.. you seemed happy at first but then just stopped?"

Janus curses under his breath, "I-I'm fine, it's nothing, I just have a few things I need to get done with.."

Patton pouts a little, "awhhhh! You can't even spare one night?" He asks

"Nope! Too much work, I'm sorry Patton but this is a matter between life or death!" Janus nods to himself, forcing himself not to giggle at that little statement- damnit! That sounded too kiddish!!!!

It did make Patton giggle though, "okay kiddo, just know you're welcomed if you want to come okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I know... now go watch your movies" Janus rolls his eyes, smirking a little.

Patton beams and nods, leaving the room and running back up the stairs to the light side.

Contrary to the light sides belief, Janus could hear all their voices, all their happiness, it made him feel every bit lonelier.

Janus bites his lip, maybe he can.. indulge his urges just for a tinyyyyy bit, but only a little!!!! And only cuz a side already talked to him! He doubts anyone else will come to see him again for the night.

Janus goes over to his nightstand and slides it a bit before pulling back a floorboard and pulling out a tiny box, he opens it and pulls out his plus snake and coloring books, he doesn't have anything else.. he can't summon much things like how the others can..

He does have a snake onesie though!!!! The thought of his snake onesie just makes him really really excited, he lets out little giggles and runs over to his closet and reaches to the far far back, he pulls it out and smiles.

The little one struggles to take off his clothes, whining a little, he does eventually get them off, however, trying to pull the onesie on was a totally different problem.

You see, Janus has been repressing his headspace for way too long, and when he finally decided to indulge in it this time, he slipped really fast, and not only that, but he slipped to a very young age, making him struggle immensely.

The bab sniffles, whining, he was really confused, which hole went where. He ended up guessing a few times and had ended up getting it on, although not zipped. It took him probably 10 tries just to get the onesie on. The zipper still remained down though, he tried zipping it but it got stuck! But.. it wasn't that bad, at least he got most of it on.

He goes over to his coloring books and grabs the strawberry shortcake one, he then grabs his 120 pack of crayons and his snakey and lays on the floor, he begins to color while listening to the others laugh from upstairs, from inside his room.

Janus slowly brings a thumb to his mouth, whimpering quietly, he sniffles a little, he wanted to be with the others, but he knew the others wouldn't accept him, they would just laugh at him..

The child tries to focus on his coloring book until he's finishing coloring his page, he smiles when he finishes and holds it up giggling, he gets up, ready to find someone to hang it up on a fridge.. before he realized, oh yeah.... he didn't have anyone...

He heard more laughter coming from upstairs and felt tears well in his eyes before he rubs them away, he gotta be a big kid, he couldn't bother the grown ups, they'd only get upset at him, he didn't wanna make them upset..

Janus gets up, thumb properly positioned in his mouth as he goes over to the tv, he turns it on like a big boy and ploped back on the floor, grabbing the controller, he looks at the pretty colors of Netflix and Hulu, he knew which colors associated with which and picked Hulu, it had Henry hugglemonster on it!!!

Janus giggles a little and plays the show, holding his stuffed snake in his arms and singing along or more like babbling along to the tune. After about 2 episodes of that he gets up, he was hungry... but he knew he couldn't go out... cuz if he went out, the others would know.. unless he bes sneaky! Maybe he can have icecream!!!!

Janus makes it his goal to be sneaky and get nummy icecream, he gets up and makes his way to the stairs, when he looks up however, he becomes a bit scared, it was so far up.. what if he trips and falls?

B-But.. But Icecream-

Janus bites his lip and takes in a deep breath, for the honor of icecream!!!!

He starts to climb the stairs, holding his stuffed snake tightly in his arms, trying to be as quiet as possible, occasionally putting a finger to his lips as if the snake could make any sound.

Once he makes it up the stairs he quietly opens the door, happy that it doesn't make a sound, also happy that the kitchen is just right there.. though.. that meant the living room was right there too..

Janus bites his lip, maybe he couldn't get icecream.. b-but maybe he could get oreos!!!! Oreos are the second best.

Keeping his giggles down, the boy moves fast to try and get oreos, the only problem was that he didn't know where they were and if the lights had them in the first place.

Janus starts with the bottom cubborts, being extra quiet, holding his snake tightly, crawling from cubbort to cubbort, but all that was in the bottom cubborts were pans and sink supplies an dumb stuff like that.

The mentally two year old pouts before looking up, giggling quietly before covering his mouth, he looks at the couch to see if anyone heard but no one turned their heads.

Alright!!! Time to continue with his plan! He climbs onto the counter shakily but also trying to be quiet, thankful that the movie the light sides were watching was really loud.. at least to him.. his ears were sensitive. So he thought that just because it was loud to him it was loud to the others to.

And yes- he did gotta climb on the counter, he was the shortest side an couldn reach, shuddup.

The boy pulls the cubbort open quietly, finding no oreos which made him pout quietly, he went to another cubbort and pulls it open, and no luck, he whines quietly, feeling his tummy rumbling, lip trembling, there was no oreos and there wasn't anything good to eat...

Janus pouts a little ready to give up till he sees one more cubborr he hasn't opened, he goes over to it, still standing on the counter and opens it quietly... wellll... theres no oreos button

There isssss Crofters!!!!

Janus gasps excitedly, maintaining quiet and grabbing the jar, he doesn't have difficulty opening it as it had been opened before it seems. It was definitely still a new jar, barely eaten out of, well until the mentality 2 year old sits on the counter, eating it with his bare hands.

The others didn't even notice that Janus was in their kitchen until Logan got up and was going to call it a night, when he seen dee eating HIS crofters, the others were quick to look where logan was looking.

Janus wasn't paying any attention to the others, he was just eating the yummy jam stuff, it was really really nummy.

Logan was furious, he makes his way over to the snake side, "hey!" He calls, scaring the life out of the bab who dropped the jar out of fear, making it shatter all over the ground.

Logan gasps as he sees the jar drop, he looks up even more angry, "what do you think you're doing!!! That was my crofters!!!" Logan exclaimed

"Logan be nice, you can share!"

"Not when he sticks his saliva filled hands into my crofters jar!!"

"Loga-" Patton starts, but stops when he hears crying, he turns to face the deceitful side, face full of shock, he did not expect this to happen.

Logan and Patton were now staring at a red faced crying Janus, it made both the sides super confused.

Virgil and Roman were also watching confused from the background, Roman a bit more frustrated that the side had came and ruined everything again!

Patton suddenly takes notice of the others attire and the plus he was holding close, listening as the boy sobs out i'm sorries.

Patton suddenly knows what's going on and so does Logan, suddenly feeling very very guilty.

Patton goes over to the child, and gently rubs a hand through his hair, "hey Jan?" He questions quietly

The sobbing child doesn't answer, trembling with the fear of getting caught and the fear of getting in trouble, he was still saying sorry over and over.

Patton quietly gets down to the others hight, even though he was sitting on the counter, patton may be the second shortest but he still was a few inches taller then jan.

"Sweetie, its okay, hey hey, in 4, hold 7, out 8, remember buddy?" Patton asks, also tapping out the pattern on the others back just in case.

Janus sobs still, but he can feet the pattern on his back and knows what to do, he inhails for 4, holds for 7 but it breaks off of 8, he was about to sob harder until patton gave him a quick assurance.

"You're doing good buddy, can we try that again hon?" He asks.

Janus nods quietly and tries again, and after a few minutes, he's doing alright, theres still tears falling down his face, but at least he wasn't panicking.

Patton smiles softly. "There we go buddy" he says gently, "do you wanna tell me what happened hon?" Patton asks in his best caretaker voice he can muster, usually Logan was the one to do this with him, but he feels like Logan wouldn't be the best at this at the moment.

"Got scawed" Janus slurs over his words sniffling, rubbing at his eyes.

"Why's that buddy?" He asks again.

"Got cawght and was bein bad" he sniffles.

"Aw kiddo, you weren't being bad" Patton says gently, running a hand through his hair.

"Uh-huh! I stow wogans cofters!" He exclaims, his little voice showing.

"Well that is a problem isn't it" Patton says making Janus nod through tears, "but I'm sure Logan can forgive you can't he?" Patton asks, looking at Logan who was watching the scene with guilt, not realizing he was being spoken too.

"Can't he" Patton nudges him, making his eyes widen, he nods, "O-Oh yes, Janus, I apologize for frightening you, it was not my intention, however, next time you want to steal my crofters, you could just asks" Logan says.

Janus looks up at him then at Patton, "M' Not in twouble?" He asks.

"Of course not! It was an accident kiddo" Patton says gently.

Virgil and Roman were watching the whole scene in confusion, why was Janus acting like a little kid? Why was Patton and Logan not questioning this? What was going on?

"Um.. Padre?" Roman calls after clearing his throat.

Patton looks over at him, "whats up kiddo?" Patton asks, tilting his head.

"What is going on? Why are you treating deceit like a kid?" Roman asks both his and Virgils questions.

Upon realizing that Patton did treat him like a kid, Janus awhs, did he know, was he gonna tell them.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, Janus will tell you when he decides to, I'm sorry kiddos" Patton says, glancing at the boy behind him, looking at the older with awh.

Virgil looks at Logan who shakes his head, the two decide to drop it and face back to the tv.

"I think Logan and I are going to head to bed kiddos, you two don't stay up long now okay?" Patton asks

"Yes Pat" both Virgil and Roman answer.

Patton turns to Janus then to Logan, "Lo, can you clean up the glass while I go clean Jan up?" He asks

Logan nods, "sure Pat" he says, smiling softly.

"Hey Jan"

The boy looks at him, hugging his stuffy tight, getting jam all over it.

"Can I pick you up buddy"

He nods and even makes grabby hands to Patton.

Patton smiles and gently picks him up, he didn't know what he was expecting, but he was definitely NOT expecting Janus to be so light, was the boy eating right? It just added to the list of concernes he had for the other.

Patton brings the other upstairs and into the bathroom, "can you stay here for a bit kiddo?" Patton asks.

Janus looks up, he nods a little, Patton runs to his room and grabs an oversized tee and some shorts for the other, he then bites his lip, he didn't know if the other needed them, but he decided to bring them just in case.

Patton comes back to see the boy still sitting where he put him, Patton smiles, "look at you" Patton chuckles, making the younger giggle.

Patton then runs the bath and puts bubbles in for the younger, he knew that he himself liked bubbles so he assumed the other liked bubbles as well, and he was correct in his assumption, after asking the other for permission to give him a bath, the other had ended up having a giggle fit with the bubbles, he absolutely adored them, making himself a fake beard and other things, Patton even gave the baby a few toys to play with.

He was definitely overjoyed, he didn't even realize when Patton had cleaned him all up, except for his hair, when patton said to close his eyes.

Yes he was sad to get out, but he was also very tired.

"Hey Jan sweetie, I never asked before, because it was a bit chaotic, but how old are you hon?" Patton asked.

Janus held up 2 fingers but then looked at one, he held up 1, not quite sure, he was about 1 and a half now, and Patton smiles softly, he assumed the other might be on the younger spectrum, he smiles, "wow, such a big boy!" Patton smiles, makimg the little giggle happily, rubbing his eyes.

"Now Jan, I have another question for you buddy" Pat says

Janus whines quietly, he was getting tired, "I know, I know, but uh.. buddy, do you wet the bed at nights"

Janus flushes a little a whines, but he nods slightly.

Patton gently rubs his back, "its alright bud, its okay, you don't have to feel bad about it, its totally okay, I'm just going to need you to wear a diaper bud" Patton says gently, earning another whine of protest.

"I know, I know, but we don't wanna wet the bed do we?" He questions, with that thought in mind, the boy shakes his head no, making Patton smile in sympathy, "alright buddy, lets get you changed then" Pat says gently.

Pattom had to lay Janus's other pajamas to go to the washer, and thankfully Janus's snake was easy to clean without having to go into the wash, Patton would hate to hear the boy cry again, he's already been through so much In one day.

Patton changes the boy into the clothes and diaper he brought just in case and hands him his now clean snake and smiles, he picks up the boy, and holds him tight, but not too tight.

Logan was coming upstairs right as Patton came outta the bathroom with Jan in his clothing.

Logan smiles sympathetically and the child, noticing what he was wearing, though he pretended not too.

"How was bath time?" He asks both of them.

Janus snuggles against Patton titedly while Patton smiles softly, "he had quite a journey, although I think its time to put the little one to sleep" he says, smiling at the side.

Janus was already half asleep by the time Patton said those words.

Logan smiles softly, "seems so, we should go lay him down in his room" he suggests.

That seemed to wake the bab up just a little as he starts sniffling, "noooo!!" He whines quietly, hugging tightly to Patton.

Patton smirks, "you heard the boy, he said no so no's the answer" Patton chuckles.

Logan rolls his eyes and chuckles, "alright, your room then Pat?" Logan asks.

Patton nods, "my room" he says

They both walk to Pattons room, Patton lays Jaus in the middle while he gets on the right and Logan on the left, it was the first time Logan and Pat had company, but they found that they didn't mind one bit, especially when it was an adorable little snake just wanting some cuddles.

Janus obviously stayed more against Patton during the night, but during the days to follow, and the more he regressed, he found that he didn't mind Logan either, only time would tell when he would tell the other too, but for now, he only wanted his two caretakers, and one playmate.

The end

#sander sides agere #ts agere #little janus #Janus Sanders #Patton sanders #Logan sanders #Roman sanders #First Agere Fanfic #Sander sides #deceit sanders #mention of little! Patton #Little! Janus #Little! Deceit #Cg! Patton #Cg! Logan #agere Janus #agere deceit

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fandammit · 4 years

Text

Look how long this love can hold its breath (2/4)

Part 1

A/N: Another ~2500 words of Ben Gross character study/slow (I mean sloooow) burn Devi x Ben romance.

*******

He spends the next two days after the party replaying his back to back attempts at kissing Devi, then the way he had just stood frozen in place as Paxton helped her out of the pool.

By that time, Shira had emerged from...wherever it was she had been and had draped her arm around him, and the combined weight of that and the guilt he felt from making a move on Devi when he was still in a relationship with her had rooted him in place.

So he’d just watched as Devi had had what probably should’ve been a private confrontation with her closest friends in front of the entire school, then as Paxton had rushed in to save the day and whisked her away to take her home.

He’d hate Paxton if he wasn’t so thoroughly disgusted with himself, and he’s at least not so selfish that he isn't glad that Devi at least has someone there for her at the exact moment she needs it, since he's apparently too much of a coward to be it.

His one saving grace for the night was that he’d managed not to be a total shithead. He’d waited until most everyone was gone or too drunk to really know what’s going on, then pulled Shira aside.

“Hey, so.” He’d taken a deep breath in and then breathed out again slowly. “I think we should break up.”

He had steeled himself then, ready to give a long and genuine apology about how it wasn’t her -- she’s beautiful and popular and he knows he’s lucky she even spent this long with him -- it was him. He’d been ready to talk about how sorry he was to do this to her, how he knew she’d find someone again soon and he wished her the best.

But she’d just given him a bored look and said ok, then left the room with a listless wave.

******* After nearly a year together, it turns out that his relationship with Shira is approximately the equivalent of a half-hearted shrug, which might make him sad if he wasn’t spending all of his waking hours thinking about what to say to Devi when he eventually has to talk to her about what happened at his party.

He'd run after her at the moment and blamed it on the alcohol -- and that had held at the time -- but he isn’t so sure it’ll hold up in the bright light of day.

What scares him isn’t some delusion -- and he knows it’s a delusion -- about Devi holding some kind of more-than-friends affection for him, but the very real threat that he’s lost the opportunity to actually be her friend at all.

The awful, boundless loneliness of going back to just being her enemy instead of her maybe, sometimes, somewhat friend seems unbearable. Not now that he knows how much lighter he feels when they stand on solid ground next to each other rather than just trying to claw each other down to get ahead.

He really wants to insist that he was drunk and stupid and that he didn’t mean it, even if saying that second part out loud makes him feel a little bit sick -- as if the lie is too much for his stomach to hold.

Or else that he’d just been so lonely and grateful that someone gave him a present and he’d been drunk enough to let that gratitude manifest in affection, and that it wasn’t her, specifically -- he’d have kissed anyone in that moment who’d given him a present. He’d have kissed his dentist for sending him that postcard.

He so desperately wants those things to be true -- like, more than he wants the Clippers to win the title or his mom and dad to spend more than a week at home with him. More than he wants to be valedictorian at the end of high school.

Because he knows the last thing he needs to do is admit that it wasn’t the alcohol or the present or the fact that it was his birthday and he was feeling alone despite the crowded house. Because admitting that would mean admitting that he had tried to kiss Devi simply because he wanted to kiss her. Because she had looked pretty in the dimness of the theater room, and he’d looked at her lips and suddenly realized (or maybe let himself admit) it wasn’t the first he’d wondered how they might feel. That somewhere along the way the warm sensation in the center of his chest whenever he looked at her wasn’t spite, but something softer, something more tender and dangerous and hopeless.

“Goddammit,” he says out loud in the darkness of his empty room, which is weird for two reasons: he almost never cusses and he’s talking out loud to absolutely no one.

Still, it helps, kind of, so he keeps going.

“God. Fucking. Dammit.”

And then because he can’t bear to say that one particular truth out loud, he switches it for one that he can; stares straight up into the emptiness of his dark room and says through gritted teeth: “You are an entire fucking idiot, Ben Gross.”

*******

It takes another day for him to work up the courage to talk about what happened that night, which is ridiculous because the tactic he lands on has all the grace of a daytime soap: feigned amnesia.

So he stutters through some half-assed explanation about what he may or may not have done, about not wanting things to be weird, and how they shouldn’t be weird because, hey after all he couldn’t remember anything, so they should be ok.

She looks somewhere between thoughtful and skeptical, which makes sense because Devi’s not stupid. She is, in fact, the exact opposite of stupid, which is something that has frustrated and motivated and enticed him at various turns in their rivalry.

He figures he’s about half a minute away from her calling him on his lie, and he steels himself for whatever sharp-edged insult he’s about to get deservedly thrown his way.

Which is why he’s stunned into silence when she doesn’t insult him at all, but instead asks if she can move in with him.

“I’m sorry, what now?” He asks -- you know, once he’s able to get his brain to function properly and his mouth moving like it’s supposed to.

She sighs heavily, and he notices for the first time how tired she looks -- almost defeated. Which throws him off even more than Devi Vishwakumar asking if she can move in with him, because he’s never even seen her look humbled -- and God knows he’s tried.

“Before you say no --.”

“I’m not gonna say no, Devi.” He interrupts, and the relieved smile on her face is enough to make him want to give her almost anything she might ask for. “I’m just -- is everything ok?”

He expects her to say something sarcastic, something along the lines that the simple fact that she’s even asking him means that her world has gone terribly wrong.

But she doesn’t say that. In fact, for a long moment she doesn’t say anything at all, just closes her locker and leans against it with her head kinda bowed.

“Uh, Devi?”

He moves closer to her and it’s almost as if he can feel the misery coming off her in waves. Some remote part of him clocks the fact that like two years ago this would’ve felt sweet; now he just feels alarmed and a little panicked, his anxiety settling along his skin like an itchy rash.

She looks up at him and he’s close enough to see the brightness of unshed tears in her eyes. His eyes widen in shock as he moves closer to her -- not to touch her, because he doesn’t think she’d actually appreciate that from him right now, but to block the gaze of any random passerby in the halls. Half their class have seen Devi lose her temper, but next to no one has seen her cry, and he thinks she’d probably prefer to keep it that way.

“Hey,” he says softly, ducking his head down to meet her lowered gaze. “I just need to ask my parents, but I already know they’re gonna say yes.” He chews on his lower lip. “Is there anything else I can help with?”

“Not unless you can convince my mom not to move us to India.”

He blinks rapidly at that.

“Wh -- what?”

She nods, lines of misery settling along the shape of her mouth.

“That’s why I need to move in with you. I can’t just, like, go back home and be there with mom, knowing that she’s just gonna whisk us off to India.” She shakes her head. “I can’t be around her, Ben.”

“Ye -- yeah, ok, definitely, sure.” He says, trying to process what she’s saying. He takes a deep breath and gives her a small smile. “It’s no problem, David. You can stay with me however long you need to.”

*******

“So, this is the guest room,” he says, opening the door. “Well, one of them.” He gestures towards the closed door on the far side of the room. “This one has the best bathroom though.”

She raises an eyebrow at that, then walks past him and sets her bag on the bed. She turns around and scoots onto the bed.

“I -- uh -- really appreciate this Ben,” she says, and it’s the first time he can ever remember her actually seeming shy. “I know it must suck to have your rival in the house with you.”

His face twists involuntarily when she calls herself his rival, and he can see the flicker of confusion on her face.

“Do you prefer nemesis?”

He gives her a small smile.

“I was thinking -- .” He almost says friend, but then thinks that might be a bridge too far. “Associates? Living with someone who considers themself my nemesis makes me feel like you’re going to murder me in my sleep. ”

She rolls her eyes.

“I mean,” she says after a moment. “You are letting me stay in your house for, like, free.” She smiles. “If that doesn’t qualify as friendship, I don’t know what does.”

He shrugs and looks away, but only to hide the wide smile on his face.

He hears a knock on the door, and then his mother walks into the room.

“You all settled in sweetie?” She asks Devi with a smile.

Devi nods.

“Yes, thank you Mrs. Gross. I really appreciate this. I know having a house guest can be an imposition.”

She waves the compliment away.

“Not at all. There’s 4000 square feet in this house -- we could go days and not even see one another.” She turns to Ben. “In fact, that is literally what is going to happen this week because your father is going to Malibu for a boy’s getaway and I’m having a girls trip to Napa for the week, so we’ll be out of your hair until next Thursday.”

He gives his mom a tight smile and leans forward for her to kiss him on the cheek like he knows she will.

“And I’m so sorry we’re going to miss your band concert, sweetie,” she says and he sees Devi frown out of the corner of his eye. He glances over to her and mouths a capella, then turns back to his mom. “I promise we’ll make one of them one of these days. It’s just -- well, you know, sometimes you just need a break from parenting!”

She gives him a small hug then sashays out of the room, and he’s left with the weight of Devi’s stare.

“So, have you ever been in band?” She asks after a moment.

He shakes his head.

“I have not.” He shrugs and gives her a smile that he knows is strained at the edges. “But I am in a lot of extracurriculars, so it can be hard to keep up.”

She gives him a hard stare when he says that, but he has the feeling it isn’t really directed at him. He makes a weird gesture with his arms that’s halfway between it’s fine and what can you do, and thinks about how Devi’s parents have always gone to every fair, competition and exhibition they’ve ever had. They even went to the monthly award ceremonies in elementary school, where Devi would rotate between being student of month to science star of the month to best orchestra student of the month to shining art star and then back around again.

His, it should go without saying, have never gone to any of his events -- a fact that it seems like Devi is now realizing by the expression on her face.

“When’s your A Capella concert?” She asks after moment.

“Tomorrow night.”

“First one of the year?”

He nods.

“Yeah, so it probably won’t be our best one.” He grins at her. “I mean, I’m going to be awesome, obviously, but the rest of the group -- they don’t quite have my talent.”

She rolls her eyes.

“Alright, Will Schuester, leave me alone so I can unpack.”

“Ok, first of all, that’s glee club and it’s completely different,” he says, as he turns to go. “And also, I’m clearly Finn Hudson.”

“You’re a freaking dork is what you are,” she yells behind him, but even with his back turned he can tell she says it with a smile.

*******

Their A Capella concerts never have a very big audience, which makes it easy to spot Devi in the third row of the auditorium the next night at his concert. She gives him a small wave and a thumbs up from where she’s sitting, and he smiles so widely at her that his cheeks hurt a little bit.

The concert goes pretty well, all things considered. He is obviously the best part of it -- that part wasn’t a brag to Devi. Well, it wasn’t solely a brag.

He emerges from the chorus room and out into the lobby as soon as its over, not even stopping to help tidy up the room as he usually does to score brownie points.

He scans the lobby and sees Devi standing in the far corner, her hands in her pockets as she scans the room for him.

“David,” he calls out and walks over to where she’s standing. He tells himself he’s a little bit breathless because of all the singing he’s just done. “You didn’t have to come.”

She shrugs.

“I know.” She gestures to the program in her hands. “It’s actually a lot cooler than I thought it’d be, though it’s nothing like Pitch Perfect.”

He scoffs.

“I mean, this is just a concert -- you should see what it’s like at regionals.”

“Ooh, do you guys have a sing-off in the parking lot?”

“One sing-off, David? More like you can’t go anywhere at regionals without getting challenged to a sing-off.”

She laughs, and he gives her a sidelong glance.

“So you, uh, you don’t think it’s weird and nerdy?”

She shakes her head.

“No, it is definitely still weird and nerdy, but, like, in a cool way.”

He grins at her.

“Thanks for coming -- it’s the first time anyone’s ever been there for me.” He catches the look on her face -- a flash of something that could be anger, could be incredulity, could be sadness -- and furrows his brows. “What?”

She shakes her head.

“Nothing.” She smiles at him. “I’m glad I came.”

He smiles back at her.

“Me too.”

#devi x ben #my fic #never have i ever #devi vishwakumar #ben gross #this is my fic and i get a say as to when shira and ben broke up #and i choose to believe it was before the season finale #also this fic is getting to be pretty lengthy #sorry not sorry?

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