#me out of things in me i cannot change

[butterfly-in-progress]

My Father and His God

We climb the mountain

And I know we did not bring a lamb to sacrifice

Your God has demanded I die

(Is He really my God if He wants me dead?)

And I am scared

Because I know you are a faithful man

And your God is above all

Even family, even blood

You do not look at me as we climb

Please, just look at me

I want to see my father's eyes

Know a little love before I go

Even if it is not enough to save me

Even if it is not enough to defy God

Let me have the semblance of care

And as I lay down upon the rock

At the top of the mountain

I bare my throat to you

(Do you love me a little for making it easy?)

(Is there any hope for the sacrificial lamb

that goes willingly to slaughter?)

I shut my eyes when I see the glint of the knife

(If I die like this will God forgive me for existing?)

There is no angel from the skies

No heavenly trumpets to stay your hand

And all the same

You drop the knife

I hear it clatter to the ground

"My child"

You say

"My God will not tell me to kill you"

I think you are delusional

I know you heard His message

You have obeyed His every creed why think this is any different?

You shake your head and embrace me

"A god who would demand this of me is no god of mine"

I want to pick up the knife

Thrust the handle to your hands

Demand you finish this

I am already lost!

God has already decided I should die

But you are not, you have a chance

Do not let me drive you to sin

But in this moment I am just a child

Clinging to their father's shirt as I cry

How can I balance this in my soul?

Failed sacrifice, both holy and ruin

How could I, child meant to follow

Have led you astray

And why can I neither grieve nor rejoice

At the loss of your godliness

That delivered me from the blade?

[peace-hunter]

tfone au where OP is created as the last of the primes but way after them, a sparkling born at what were thought to be the last days of the war against the quintessons, the beginning of a new generation of peace after eons of war. a child meant to be loved and raised knowing nothing of war nor sacrifice.

he's kept mostly out of the spotlight by his siblings, who don't wish to expose him to everyone's optics so young, and want to wait until the war is done and over to properly introduce him to their people.

except of course the primes are betrayed and murdered by sentinel, the war is lost and everyone who knows and cared for the truth is either banished or outright killed in order to suppress it.

and the high guard, the ones the primes trusted the most, the ones that were supposed to protect them, the ones who failed in their most important duty, have to make a choice. to take the last prime, their last hope, with them to the surface, a hostile environment where there's little to no supplies and where they'll be hunted down by both sentinel and the quintessons as the biggest threat to their regimen.

or hide him in plain sight. place him where sentinel won't think to look for him. one more sparkling among many. and hope it will be enough to keep him alive. pray to primus that he'll protect his last child long enough for them to come back for him when it's safer (even if most of them have already lost their faith on him when he allowed the rest of his children to be massacred like that)

they almost lose their resolve when they realize they will have to take the little one's cog away in order to make him blend in with the rest of the newborns (and oh do they burn with murderous intent when they see what sentinel has done to their people but it's not the time yet-) but in the end they decide an impaired little prime is better than a dead one.

and so in the chaos of thirteen dead primes and a sudden energon crisis, a little sparkling who very few mechs really knew about and even fewer had seen completely vanishes. and in the depths of iacon a mech in charge of a new batch of newborns scratches their helm in confusion as they realize they must have miscounted the first time.

optimus prime is quietly erased from any official records by sentinel, written off as dead when they find a sparkling's frame mangled beyond recognition after an attack on the base of those rebels that insist on being a thorn on his side. killing the sparkling hadn't been precisely in his plans, he probably could've found some use for it after all, but he's not particularly upset about it either.

and orion pax grows up with an ache on his spark that tells him he's missing something far more important than a t-cog and dreams of gentle and loving hands, cradling him against the frames of mechs he cannot recall the faces of.

[uncanny-tranny]

Periodic reminder that unless a person specifically and clearly tells you it is okay to tell others they are trans or queer, you should err on the side of caution and assume they do not want you to tell people (especially random people!) about their transness or queerness.

You have no idea, generally, why somebody doesn't talk openly about their trans or queer status, and you have no idea, truly, how somebody might react to that information. The most progressive person out there is still capable of harbouring incredibly negative thoughts about somebody's queer status.

[dennisboobs]

standing in front of a firing squad would have been easier than reading this script i need to be shot

[small-bug-in-the-woods]

the main 6 in httyd are all trans in this essay i will explain-

[camellcat]

lose my mind every time the doctor takes rose's last name in fics. brilliant, amazing, splendid, absolutely perfect.

like, what do you MEAN she'd be the one to change her last name? he doesn't even HAVE a bloody name like us! plus, she's rose tyler. you think he's going to want that to be different? it's the doctor and rose tyler in the tardis (or I suppose whatever they do in pete's world, but that's still the doctor and rose tyler having their new adventure)!!

she's rose tyler and he is whatever-he-wants tyler. end of discussion. the whole pond diabolical should've been clue enough imo

[secriden]

I genuinely feel like I'm losing my mind about the opening scene in THK's Episode 6. Like, look at them, just look at them!!!?

Style is all playful, anticipatory defiance at first. He's just teased Fadel about falling for his "overdramatic" antics and has been shoved back onto the bed to wait with bated breath for Fadel's response.

And rather than getting annoyed, Fadel teases him right back, takes on that same flirtatious tone and actually escalates things. This is Fadel not merely appreciating the way Style is -- the way he never quits, and the way he is always eager for more -- but welcoming it and responding in kind.

Style's gaze goes half-lidded, already tipsy-drunk on the thrumming energy between them. I won't screenshot the whole exchange, but Fadel continues the metaphor, talks about the importance of exercise, of building up stronger muscles, and Style's eyes throughout are glinting in delighted amusement.

Fadel has learned to speak the same language that Style does. This goes beyond a knowledge of mutual desire and attraction, this is them falling into patterns of communication that celebrates who Style is as a person. Fadel has come so far from the man who rolled his eyes in annoyance at Style's obnoxious flirting. Fadel would never have spoken this way before he knew Style, but here he is playing Style own game brilliantly.

Style teases Fadel more, plays coy and innocent like they don't both know this is about sex and the natural progression of the metaphorical glove Style threw first. He wants to see how far Fadel will take this, wants to see if Fadel is going to back off or if he'll really see it through.

But Fadel doesn't crack, doesn't change the topic or dismiss the moment. Instead, he turns earnest and, I think, slightly catches Style by surprise here. The words he says are still in line with the metaphor, but Fadel's eyes run over Style's face like he's taking in each precious feature and his tone is all whisper soft and warm; it’s sweetly affectionate in a way that suddenly makes this flirtatious moment feel tender and fond and soft.

And the words themselves: “you need to exercise daily" -- an unspoken commitment, the domesticity of it all, the implicit acknowledgement of belonging. The suggestion of a permanent future with Style.

God I wish I could gif this specific 1-2 seconds so badly. I don't even have the right words to describe what's going on?? It's the way Style's eyes turn molten with intent, the way he ever so slightly tips his head upwards towards Fadel, the way something about his expression is suddenly broadcasting desire for Fadel to reach out and take.

So Fadel does, but the way he does is just so delicate?? He touches his lips to Style's almost like a prayer, gaze locked to Style's before both their eyes fall shut into the kiss. This moment is so exquisitely fragile, threaded through with this sense of something like wonder.

Fadel presses his lips down, first to Style's lips and then his cheek and the vulnerable bared column of his neck; slowly draws himself closer and closer until he has his whole weight pinning Style down, skin to sun-warmed skin (and heart to heart).

And Style welcomes every moment of it; tilts his head to give Fadel more access to his neck, runs his hand up along Fadel's back to cradle his head and pull him closer as he lets Fadel settle himself more firmly between his legs because he just can't get enough.

This scene is less than 30 seconds long, but there's something about it that makes me feel insane. It didn't have any of the heated passion and ferocity of so many of their other scenes, but there was something just so tender and lovely and soft and calm and sweet about this.

I'm just-- gonna-- *buries my face into a pillow and sCREAMS*

[xxplastic-cubexx]

every morning 4am this is what i see when i wake

[froggtogs]

figuring out legend this time!

[traveler-at-heart]

I think there��s a very distinct difference between “you got in my head” and “you’re in my head”

The first one says “you made it past all the walls I built and now I can’t stop thinking about your little annoying voice telling me to be better, do better, deserve better”

And the latter is “I can’t stop thinking about you and it is the most exhilirating thing that’s ever happened to me and the most annoying, because in spite of everything I want to be here with you”

But they’re both said by two idiots in love with each other.

[margoshamangolord]

Too tired for words

Waaagh sniffs sobs hhh.... cries sniffles sniff... wahh... starts rolling on the floor crying...... wahgh

[clumsypuppy]

i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you

[burningcheese-merchant]

Am I the only person who dislikes some ships in CRK but still very much love the artwork that comes from them? (If I had to specify a few: HollyTaya, ShadowSpice, FireArcher (no hate, I just have either different pairings for the cookies or just cant see it happening... more power to those who do though!))

My fellow big brain haver over here!

I don't see art for any of these ships because I blocked the tags eons ago lol. I mean it when I say I hate those three ships you listed there. I'm an infinitely happier person NOT having to see them. But I will say that the few times I dared to peek out of morbid curiosity... Some of it wasn't bad. I can set aside my vitriol and tip my hat at the artist for their skill and hard work. (And then I will shake my head and wonder why these artists are wasting their time and talent drawing such godawful ships lmao)

I feel that way for a lot of other ships I don't care for as well (but that I don't viscerally hate, like those three. Those three are special lol). I don't ship ShadowLily but there is a lot of cute fanart. Don't care for BurningFlour but there are a couple of artists on here who's style I really like, even if I don't like the ship they're drawing. I can at least appreciate something on its own merits, you know what I mean? Everyone should try to do that to the best of their ability, I think. Avoid ships you don't like when you can, but in the event that you can't or feel curious, try to find something to like about whatever it is you're looking at, like art style or something. And then just go on your merry way. However much you might dislike a ship, it's really not worth sulking over. Scrunch up your face for a second, narrow your eyes, commend the artist for their talent if it exists, then go away. No need for anything else

[italyveneziano]

Finally getting the answers to what the plans for HetaOni were honestly feels like this

[derrygirlstrash]

I’m gonna say something and I need y’all to receive it in the kindest, least confrontational way possible…

I really wish the Derry Girls tag wasn’t so full of Nicola Coughlan.

[whetstonefires]

#4 please !

Now see this could be tricky, because generally if I don't get some key elements written down very quickly the idea flows away again and the 'yet' disappears, even if I remember generally what it was about, but I have one this time! I am still just enough plagued by this vision that it's not out of the question I'll go for the capture, but so far nada.

Idea was basically a Jiang family character study by way of modern au. (So tw canonical abuse.) I started from the reflection, in a modern au very high chance the Jiangs are divorced, because being a divorcee wouldn't necessarily ruin Yu Ziyuan in the modern world, as long as she was allowed to control the narrative enough that she didn’t look at fault, so it might be on the table.

Especially because modern views on child abuse are such that while she'd hold back more than she already does in terms of physical chastisement, Jiang Fengmian would also be under less societal pressure to not interfere in her disciplinary system too much, and both these factors mean he’s more likely to put his foot down.

So, concept: Jiang Fengmian, when his son is eight and his daughter thirteen, forces the issue of taking in his best friends' abused orphan child whom he’s just managed to track down in a nightmarish group home, probably leveraging the fact that wherever their money comes from it's mostly his, something he usually doesn't do, but she has always known he could, and been fucked up about it (reasonable) and hated him a little (less so) and hates him so much more now (understandable but still fucked up).

They were obviously still both pressured into this marriage by their families, because I literally cannot imagine them choosing one another of their own free will, and if they did that would be an au in an even more dramatic way than being modern, and no longer work as a character or relationship study as far as I'm concerned. I mean or it’s a cql-based au, but that’s not the version of this toxic marriage I find compelling.

Situation subsequently deteriorates to the point that when the boys are around twelve some outside party observes and is repulsed or otherwise upset by Yu Ziyuan's treatment of Wei Wuxian specifically--she's emotionally abusive to everyone in the family, canonically, and it harms Jiang Cheng significantly more than Wei Wuxian, which I think is also pretty explicit on the page, but she's more openly antagonistic about going after wwx because he's basically a proxy for her husband, whom she doesn't consider to be someone she's capable of harming.

And ofc in a modern family scenario, being abusive to your foster kid is more plainly personal misconduct than being unfair in how you discipline one of your husband's many students, even if it is his favorite. Which means she's very unlikely to chase him around with a whip, but whatever she does do will sting that much more emotionally.

Anyway the outside judgement provokes a more explicit confrontation than the last four years of maneuver and attempting to balance all the competing needs according to two very different standards. And the upshot is that by the time wwx is 13, the Jiangs are divorced. To avoid making a humiliating spectacle of themselves they present a weirdly united front in court and have a very smooth uncontested proceding, although the closed meetings with their respective lawyers involved a lot of vitriol.

Yu Ziyuan, despite having a smallish trust fund and probably a job of some kind, though one that's more prestigious than profitable like uh. Olympic fencing coach. Idk what they make but it's probably not enormous. She and Cangse Sanren probably competed in the same events back in the day.

Anyway she gets a solid chunk of alimony, the house, and primary custody of both her children, although Jiang Yanli is almost 18 at this point so mostly she just gets Jiang Cheng. Everyone thinks Jiang Cheng wants it that way, including sort of Jiang Cheng; he has this idea that if he has his mom to himself they'll finally have a good relationship, even though he's also terrified of being left all alone with her. He's complicated. Families are complicated.

Also she would never have forgiven him if he hadn't concurred that he wanted to stay with his mother because she was the only one On His Side.

Jiang Yanli ofc does not move out right away when she comes of age, in part because her brother needs her, but she probably does go to college, so she's only around part-time.

Jiang Fengmian, meanwhile, keeps most of his financial assets and Wei Wuxian, and gets his kids on the weekends.

So that's all setup for how you have this situation where Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng are entering high school--probably the same school, together, but no longer sharing the commute except maybe Monday mornings--and Wei Wuxian's primary residence is Jiang Cheng's dad's apartment.

It’s really chill. They get a cleaning service in once a week and eat a lot of delivery food, but they do cook at least once a week. The canonical thing where they largely agree about what’s funny and what’s right-or-wrong, and so forth, on the one hand really pops when there’s mostly no external conflict disrupting it, but also probably gains more complexity now that it’s not a thread of positivity fighting for its life against a background of drama. They get to know each other better than they ever had a chance to in canon.

Some of that isn't all that positive, because now they have the space to discover the places where they do actually have the capacity for friction, but both of them are very good at dispersing tension (I do tend to suspect jfm's dad was abusive he sure acts like it), and on the whole it's a good thing.

Jiang Cheng is going to have such a mental health crisis, and Jiang Fengmian is going to handle it so badly. Because of course when his son starts replicating his ex-wife's toxic attitudes and behaviors more now that she has primary custody, he’s going to feel guilty and like it’s His Fault, but he’s going to feel like it’s his fault that Jiang Cheng is growing up to be a shitty abusive person.

And even if he’d never say that the subtext would come through, in the assumptions he made when framing communications and so forth, as in canon, so the thing where Jiang Cheng’s father loves Wei Wuxian more than him, or at any rate likes him better and thinks he’s a better person and prefers his company, would wind up feeding into a self-reinforcing loop.

(Jin Zixuan's nasty public remark about Jiang Fengmian treating Wei Wuxian better than his own children hits Jiang Cheng significantly harder in this scenario, where he's being Tormented by the feeling that all his peers know his dad walked out on him for another son. Wei Wuxian's punch is therefore even more clearly primarily for Jiang Cheng's sake, although Jiang Cheng is probably more inclined to see it as being for his dad's. Jin Zixuan is about halfway between the Jiang kids' ages here, so he's a senior saying this shit to a sophomore.)

So that cycle builds to the point where Jiang Cheng would eventually have one of those rare moments where he resorts to actual violence, because his poisoned feelings are choking him so bad his rationality deserts him.

He’s not going to be nearly as close to actually murdering Wei Wuxian as he was in canon the night the Jiang Sect was massacred, because it’s a less extreme situation, but he still goes for the neck. So Jiang Fengmian is in his home office one Saturday about a year and a half into this new normal, and realizes the boys are fighting. He hears through the wall the accusation you stole my dad. He says to himself, well that’s terrible but interjecting myself into this situation would definitely make it worse.

Then he hears sounds of violence, and then an ominous abrupt silence, and updates that analysis.

And when he opens the door to the boys’ room, Wei Wuxian is being strangled. He’s not really resisting, which is because he’s made the call that that’s way more likely to get Jiang Cheng to snap out of it, and thinks it might make Jiang Cheng feel better to get it out of his system (because he does sort of feel like what Jiang Cheng is going through is all his fault, or at any rate is much worse as a result of decisions made for his sake) and is severely underestimating the dangers of choking, but looks to a third party like he’s already passed out and Jiang Cheng is still at it. Which is to say, it looks like a serious murder attempt on the brink of success.

So that sure made that situation worse!

So yeah that's my idea that I probably won't write but it sure has its teeth in me.