#medieval shitpost

[cinziq]

Dude brought a blowjob to a sword fight.

Based on this post by Weird Medieval Guys.

[littlepeasantboy]

Oh boy, I love potatoes! I sure hope nothing bad happens!

[medieval-shitposter]

Wishing my medieval friends a very type it “my lady” instead of “m’lady” because it jumpscares me every dang time

[starvingmedievalpeasant]

Wherefore art 'ranges hath called 'ranges but an apple is not hath called red? oh mine own marry i can’t taketh t anym're. Eatin a burg'r with nay honey mustard, eating a burg'r with nay honey mustard, eating a burg'r with nay honey mustard, eating a burg'r with nay honey musta

[boydrudolo]

End my suffering.

[jaspersketch]

Naysayers will seest thou teleport and cry, “this ill-bred miscreant lacks the means for a horse and carriage!”

[athenashaw]

At medieval concerts people would wave these in the air like we do with phone torches

[anatomicalmartyr]

[loathsome-little-creature]

I just heard a fucking noise, if it’s that fucking wizard again I’m boutta get on some who goes there typa shit ong

[forheksed]

to Valentine’s Day <3

Crush I have on Boromir right now is just.. m a s s i v e...

[adstreier]

[littlepeasantboy]

I think I shall succumb to the illness

:(

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Is wanting to be a medieval elven apothecary+alchemist+medic who owns a large wooden yet somehow archaic shack+cottage with a built-in library of scientific and dark arts books with an extended space for poultry and livestock, accompanied by a small garden filled with mushrooms and freshly grown vegetables, and with orchards laden with fruits (both enchanted as well as normal) in the middle of the thickets, tucked away from human settlement but filled with friendly neighbors from the cryptid communities too much to ask for?

[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

how milfs were invented

Ye olde Chad: she is the most beautiful woman I hath ever lain my eyes upon!

Ye olde Preston: but sire! She hath borne children!

Ye olde Chad: she is a mother I would like to fanoodle

[erinsintra]

nobody talks about how blacksmiths slowly lost their privileged niche in society over the centuries. I mean they used to forge swords, spears, crowns, armour, to be worn and used by kings and warriors... and now in the modern world most of their job is to make keys and horseshoes. I'm not saying it's a bad job or anything but damn do you think a blacksmith ever looks at the window and goes "man we used to be so fucking awesome back then"

[jaspersketch]

So thou art kissing thy lady lover when a messenger pigeon arrives bearing a letter. You take it and it reads “Villain! What wickedness art thou doing with my daughter?” You tell your lover and she says, “nay, my father was slain in the crusades.” THEN WHO WAS LETTER?