#mentally checked out after that yikes

[im-with-nasa]

why??? did almost everyone i knew from my high school turn to some sort of extremism when we graduated??? was it the pandemic??? being chronically online??? COLLEGE??? i just wanna know omg

[choochooboss]

Sketch dump! Vol. 3 August 2022

Literally dumping all the presentable works here as promised, whether I’m proud of them or not!

The first image was inspired by a color palette of a random YT playlist thumbnail! I really loved it and wanted to turn it into a cosy travel & rain scene with colorful city lights smeared like dripping wet watercolors. The second one is a KH3 reference! Do you recognise this scene? I don't know how he would possibly end up there in the first place, but he sure is determined to find his dear brother by breaking through the edge of the world!

How to make Ingo smile, step 1: Make him spell "Emmet"! And a goofy cartoon collision moment ahah!

They are very satisfied after a challenging match, win or lose, and they want you to come back for another ride! I love the twins as they appear in Pokémas the most and try to capture the personalities their English VAs give in my art. They are adorable, excitable, cool and very much admirable!

Emmet always wants to look cool, and Ingo surely gives the most heartfelt handshakes! This piece was to celebrate 1K followers on Twitter! The first three months were wild as so many people found my works!! I fondly reminisce that time, not only I was doing well with my first fanart account, I also felt very happy in general! I was so in the zone with art, being super creative free of worries. It's awesome to see most of the people who commented this back then are still posting/in contact with me!! Thank you so much for sticking with me and my little shenanigans!

I still really like these sketches here, love to see this trio having a blast together! The clips are from a movie classic "Singing in the Rain", and below is the final piece:

Doodles~

Early Breakmas AU sketch (Team Break Submas); going full speed after trainers to collect their pokémon... What would you do if these two giant traffic cones approached you at high velocities?

Excadrill & Archeops, the soft & fluffy guys! Some of my first sketches of the submas mons. Excadrill has become my no. 1 submas mon, I adore that tough little missile knight! Archeops is definitely one of the most appealing ones! I love how he kinda has 4 wings he glides with. However I cannot unsee the snake in a parrot suit ahahah, pardon me! Also I pity the poor guy's in-battle idle animation where he has to flap SO HARD just to stay afloat!

Also Durant & Galvantula! I never was a fan of Durant but I've found ways to have fun drawing this little mischievous creature. They're after your ankles nyehehehe~ Galvantula also wasn't appealing to me until submas fever hit but now I think it's a pretty cute beast! I really like how I drew that fur, which is funny because it was that bristly blue fur that didn't strike my fancy back then!

Still enjoying this sketch! Took me some time to read the lines though ahah, the sketch so loose. He's leading a complete opposite life now...

Surprise!!! I held an art raffle on my Twitter account once but I never finished the piece for no good explanation other than getting stuck with the depot agent designs. I wanted to finish this so badly but just couldn't get over that mental block. It still bothers me I couldn't do it!

More KH inspired attempts, this time the stained glass!

Some expressions! Those snouts I draw for them are so silly ahah

Oh yikes, mood shift! The situation is looking dire, is his brother okay?? I like how the pose & water turned out!

'How's it hanging bro?' Who hung him up there anyway?

Another intense situation, what could this Team Break guy possibly want from him..?! Man, this piece feels so old now but I still like the movie like vibe! That's all just from August!! I was extremely productive back then ahah, it's cool to see how creative and varied stuff I could do!

More and more sketches & WIPs are waiting in the queue! Hope you had fun checking these out!

UPDATE: I had accidentally uploaded some sketches I had already shared in the July 2022 sketchdump so I replaced them with other sketches I had actually forgot I made in August!

Sketch dump Vol. 1: April-June 2022 Sketch dump Vol. 2: July 2022

[dokries]

you need some soup!

pairing: lee seokmin (dokyeom) x gender neutral reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

word count: 1.5k

warnings: sick fic™, mentions of medicine, food and you know…being sick (having a fever/being tired), a kiss on the cheek, minghao is a saviour pharmacist, seokmin is loud

author note: basically, i want a seokmin. this is so funny because i wrote this before i became kind of sick…did i predict the future again…anyway, i hope you enjoy my rambling turned fic ♡

masterlist

seokmin wishes he got to know you earlier. he tells you this often actually, almost to the point where you’re tired of hearing it—you could never be sick of seokmin though; that would be near impossible. 

however, you can literally be sick, which is exactly what your warm forehead and cold hands are telling you. you would ask your boyfriend to bring you home some medicine but seokmin’s at rehearsals for his upcoming musical, and you  don’t want to burden him—he had been stressing about his voice the other day, and you know how hard it is for him in general. you’re not planning to add onto his already heavy load, considering that you’re seokmin’s comfort movie, as he affectionately likes to call you. he always talks about how he could watch you all day, and—yeah, you need to get up for some medicine and stop dwelling on the love of your life, no matter how fun it may be. 

you check the bathroom cabinet despite knowing that what you're looking for isn’t there. you sigh before rubbing the heels of your hands in your eyes, mentally preparing yourself to make the much needed trip to the local pharmacy. 

after a painstaking walk that feels much longer than three minutes, you enter the cool air conditioned building. you wave at minghao, making your way to the front counter. 

“hey, minghao,” you say, taking shallow breaths to calm yourself after your short walk—yikes, something’s definitely wrong—and minghao notices.

he frowns at your demeanour, calling your name softly. “are you alright…? do you need me to call seokmin?” minghao asks hesitantly, already pulling out some medicine from underneath the desk to place in front of you.

“no!” he raises an eyebrow at your immediate refusal before you continue, looking down at the options he lays out for you to take. “i…you know how stressed he’s been with the opening show coming up, right? i don’t want to worry him more.” 

minghao sighs, moving his hand slowly to your forehead to check your temperature, so you don’t get startled. he pulls back after a second, adjusting his glasses and wincing. “you definitely have a fever, though it’s not too bad…yet. i would recommend taking this one.” he pushes one bottle closer to you than the others, concern in his eyes. 

“tell seok—” he corrects himself with an eye roll at your glare, “call our number if you need anything, okay? i can deliver it to you if needed. make sure to rest, okay?” he gives you a pointed look, ringing up the bottle for you after you nod, and lets you pay before handing you a paper bag with your purchase inside. you smile wearily at minghao, giving him a wave as you leave, making your way back home. 

once the medicine goes down your throat, you flop down onto the bed. you check your phone for any messages from your boyfriend, and can’t help but smile slightly at what he sent earlier.

seokmine 🌻 ❙

SWEETIE IM SO SORRY

the staff said i probably have to stay longer so i can get my clothes fitted again :((

i’ll try to get home as soon as i can though 🫡

see you soon my love ♡

you ❙

take your time minnie <3

i hope your rehearsals went well though! i’ll be waiting at home for a full recap >:D

you groan, your phone suddenly too much to look at. yeah, maybe you should do as minghao says—he does have a degree after all. you place your phone on the nightstand beside you before closing your eyes. 

seokmin’s panicking in the dressing room, his eyes more focused on the foreboding text from his pharmacist friend than the tailor trying to get his measurements. 

first of all, the fact that he has to be notified of your health from minghao offends him. do you not trust him to be there when you’re sick? he shakes that thought off, as well as the tailor that had (sadly) been assigned to him, who sighs. seokmin apologizes frantically to them, before letting out a breath. he hasn’t been able to police you about taking care of yourself recently because of how busy his schedule’s become but he didn’t expect you to get sick. what would you do without him? …okay, seokmin knows you would do a lot without him but still. he wants to do everything he can for you, even if you can do it yourself. 

he texts you, his hands working as fast as they can, and frowns when you don’t respond right away like you usually do.  

seokmine 🌻 ❙

honey you alright??

hao texted me saying you’re sick ☹️

i’ll be home in a few i promise

honey?

seokmin’s tailor notices the worried expression on his face, and gestures for him to just leave; they could always take measurements some other day. as soon as they finish talking, seokmin’s face lights up and he bolts. he’s gone before his fellow cast members can wish him a good day, and he calls you as soon as he turns his car on. when you don’t pick up, he bites his lip and his leg shakes up and down quickly.

did you take the medicine minghao promised he gave you? are you not picking up because you’re asleep? are you collapsed on the bathroom floor, weeping about how if your minnie was there with you, you would be fine and actually able to walk to—okay, that was probably a bit much. however, seokmin can’t help but think of the worst possible scenario as he waits impatiently for the car in front of him to move so he can make that final turn into your neighbourhood. 

he unlocks the door as fast as he can, and as soon as he walks in, he finds it too quiet for his liking. he hurriedly takes off his shoes and throws his bag onto the couch in the living room before checking the bathroom to see if he was right in thinking you’re in there. seokmin lets out a breath when he doesn’t see you, thankful his overactive imagination isn’t reality.

he peers into the bedroom at first, and as soon as he sees your sleeping figure, he just about sobs, pulling the door open dramatically—he is a musical actor after all. “MY LOVE! I THOUGHT YOU FAINTED OR WERE CRYING OR—” your boyfriend yells, falling onto the bed and cutting himself off as he presses his face into your outstretched arm.

you rub your eyes sleepily with your other hand, slowly registering that it isn’t a dream, and your boyfriend really is grabbing onto you, about to sob. you cover your mouth and yawn before placing a kiss on his forehead with a smile. “i’m fine, minnie!” 

seokmin looks up at you with a pout as he checks your temperature with a peck on your cheek. you giggle at the gentle motion as he leans back to look at you once more, his voice whiny as he calls your name. “your face is so hot! you’re definitely not fine.” 

you roll your eyes before pushing him away softly, not wanting him to get sick too. seokmin glares at you jokingly before getting up with a sigh, realizing that he can’t risk getting sick, even if he wants to cuddle with you all day. 

his shoulders drop before he sighs again. dear god, someone would think he’s the one who’s got a fever. you push yourself up to a sitting position, and seokmin’s immediately by your side, fixing the pillows so you’re comfortable. you give him a look, and he backs away to the other side of the room. 

“since i can’t cuddle you like i want to, i’m going to make some soup! you look like you need some anyway.” seokmin smiles softy as he backs away toward the door, blowing you a kiss because he can’t actually give you one. 

you grin before blowing one back, and he smiles before frowning in frustration. “oh, i wanna kiss your sweet face so bad, this isn’t fair!” he groans as he walks back to the kitchen. all you do is giggle before grabbing your phone from where you kept it before.

you ❙

minghao i love you

thank you for sending min my way ♡

haohao 🤞 ❙

???

oh right

you’re welcome

tbh seokmin would’ve been really upset if i hadn’t

you ❙

HAHA yeah…

minghao i’ll be a loyal customer until the very end !!

you are my one and only pharmacist for life !!

minghao for president 🫡

haohao 🤞 ❙

…okay? thanks for the support i guess

you two are so in love with each other aren’t you

[loaksbitch]

virgin town ✶ e. landry

both inexperienced!ethan x reader having whole fuck-business deal to lose their virginity to each other but it’s so awkward and awkward? — yeah, ethan brain rot it real.

pairing : both inexperienced!ethan x inexperienced!reader

warnings : p in v, virginity loss, mention of panicking and anxiety, unprotected sex (yeah, no. wrap it before you tap it.) no orgasm (yikes, i know.) kissing, super caring and shy ethan <3

you bite your lips hard when you enter his bedroom.

everything was all set and perfect as if he did it on purpose since you were coming to his place. — of course he would, especially after having a whole business of fucking you. — your eyes wander around while your nostrils savored the jasmine like scent that filled the room, even the bed was neatly folded.

ethan on other hand rubs his sweaty palms together, clearing his throat that caused you to slightly jump. his “shit, sorry.” doesn’t get unnoticed by you before you give him a soft yet nervous smile.

the room is so awkwardly quiet making ethan wish he could just disappear out from your sight. the panic from days before still dwelling in his gut. what if i screw up? he can’t help but think.

“are you thirsty?” ethan calls behind you, voice cracking slightly.

your ears are red, skin tingling just with his deep voice asking if you were thirsty. you give him a soft shake before muttering, “no?” as a question.

you carefully swing down your bag to the couch of his bedroom, bending your knees a little and ethan almost groaned at your posture. you’re so fucking hot.

“you can sit down.” he breathes out a chuckle, sensing your nervousness which was also making him extremely nervous. his voice was too calm but in reality, ethan just wanted to run to his bathroom and throw up.

you take his order, collectively taking a seat on the small sofa and checking your surroundings.

the room was pretty, posters of some band he liked plastered to his wall, you gulp when your eyes land to the clean bed. you were too distracted to even notice ethan was now sat beside you, his right leg bouncing due to the anxiety.

“so,” he began. “you kinda freaking out too?”

you bite on your cheeks, giving him a nod and murmuring a firm “yes.”

ethan quick breathed out strong, clearing his throat and running his hand through his brown curls. “good, it’s not just me then.”

the air was again back to uncomfortable shape of silence. you looking the other way and ethan doing the same to avoid your eyes. jesus christ, when is this going to end?

“uuh,” he was the first to say something again, “before we do it i just want to clarify something.” he brings himself to face you. “i don’t want you to feel like you have to do this because you just agreed the other day.” you give him a blank stare and ethan mentally cries.

“i mean, you can back out if you changed your mi—“

“no, i want this.” you suddenly say and watch the scared man’s mouth twitch for a smile. “i want this too.” ethan agrees, looking away and rubbing the back of his neck.

this whole situation felt surreal, ethan does not want to disappoint you. he wants to make you feel good and he will of course try to do his best with what he got to watch on hubs and sites.

“thank you.” you manage to say and ethan raise his brows slightly confused. “for checking if i’m having second thoughts y’know.”

ethan softly smiles before taking a deep breath, nodding and getting on his feet to offer a hand out to you.

you swallowed hard, feeling the tip of your fingers and toes going ice cold, you take his hand. this was really going to happen.

he held onto your hand gently and led you to his bed. his brown eyes still on yours, ethan licks his lips not knowing a single fuck to do right now. so, he clears his throat for the thousand times.

“you can still… change your mind,” your inside twists, you don’t want to have a second thought. you don’t want to be a geeky virgin anymore and so does ethan, why is he offering you a gate to leave?

“i want this, e.” your eyes meet. “but if you’re having second t—“

“what! no- i mean yeah.. fuck, no. i want you.” you flinch at the sudden outburst. “i want this too.” his hold tightened on your hand as if he’s getting through a mental crisis.

you can hear your heartbeat in your ear.

ethan then starts to lean close to you, brining his face close to yours until his soft lips were ghosting yours. it felt like you were trembling and he could sense it, and now when your lips finally met, you felt his breath hit your skin shakily.

you can’t help but find a small sense of comfort when you heard his breathing. ethan was freaking out as you.

ethan let go of your small hand and gently placed them on your hips while yours came to his broad chest and lightly slid to his shoulder. trying to deepen the kiss, ethan nudged your nose by his, pushing into your mouth slightly harder.

slowly, his hand crept to your lower back, large hand fisting on your shirt like he wants you out of it. ethan pressed you closer to him, your tits flush and kiss deepening.

you, yourself wanted the distance between you both to disappear and so, you wrapped your hands to the back of his neck and held him close. but, it was short lived when you felt his body literally stir which caused you to take a step back.

“sorry.” he put some space between you both.

ethan began to unbutton his shirt while you took sign and pulled on your top. you were so slow, waiting for him to get completely bare so you can at least feel less stressed and do it after him but ethan was painfully slow.

ethan wanted you to look at him, look at him when he discarded his cloth but he knows you’d probably freeze at your spot if you knew he was staring at you.

both of you were now standing in front of each other, undergarments being the only fabric that’s covering you two.

he was left with his brief, his undershirt and pants on the floor. your eyes took the sight in front of you. ethan was big than you expected, his clothes coving his broad shoulders and defined muscles.

your eyes involuntarily traveled down to where something poked on your tummy when ethan pressed you close to him while kissing you.

as if you were hit on your gut, something tightened in you, causing you to cover your eyes and get to your sense. “oh my gosh, i’m so sorry! so sorry!” you apologize.

if he wasn’t catching up, ethan knew no fuck on what made you say sorry about but he knew and he laughed. your reaction was adorable, along with the reddening skin of your neck and cheeks.

“hey, it’s okay.” ethan’s breath hitches for a moment. he takes a step towards you, uncovering your eyes by taking your hand off your eyes. “want to keep going?” he asks and you just look away before giving him a quiet hum.

he’s definitely about to lose it.

this time, ethan sat himself on the edge of his bed before hiding you to follow his actions. the more his eyes scanned your body, the more ethan felt his cock twitch. he leans to capture your lips again, much softer and gentle this time. he smiles to your lips when your teeth clink.

your body was being pushed to the mattress, ethan easing you to get to the middle part of the plush. you both were still kissing, soft hum leaving ethan’s lips when you whimper and your hand comes in direct contact to his skin.

pair of lungs burned and the demand for oxygen won and so, the curly head leaned back and sat on his knees, already comfortable and very much feeling hot between your thighs.

the briefs was now too tight for his bulge to be restrained.

“i, uh,” he took a breath in from his nose. “i think i should take this off now?” if was as if he was asking you and ethan never wanted to punch himself right this moment. fucking pussy.

“yeah.” you only swallow, not really knowing what to do or say, so you just turn your face to the side and close your eyes. he wanted to take his briefs off so you’re gonna let him do it with no awkwar–

“can you stop that?” ethan suddenly says and you frown your brows before turning to face him. “stop what?”

“stop looking away, you’re making me nervous.” it was true, ethan was literally sweating. “would you rather i stare at you while you…get naked?” if it makes it slightly better then fuck yes! ethan wanted to say so bad but he just stood silent and hooked his hand to his waistband to pull and discard it down.

your breath quickened, eyes staring at his while his bored to yours. he then gout out off it before throwing it behind his back and leaning to hook his fingers to your panties.

you both did not need to talk or say anything, you just gave him a nod for him to tug it down and remove it from you. uncovering you for him bare.

the light squeak your throat made almost had the boy on top of you jump out of his own skin. “what? what’s wrong?” you found how he protectively put his hand on your hips very adorable. “no, i’m fine, it’s just– cold down th-there y’know.”

oh.

oh.

“do you want to keep going?” ethan asks again.

“yes.” he nodded at your word, separating your knees and laying on top of you. the way his touch brushed all over your sensitive skin made you shiver and inhale sharp. “okay— are you ready?” his breath was ragged and you swore he was literally trembling above you. ethan can’t help but mimic your actions and nod with you when you give him a consent.

he kept his eyes on your face the whole time when he guided himself in you, so he’s well prepared to stop if you show a hint of discomfort.

you, under him, cinched your eyebrows when you felt a pressure surfacing inside you and every time ethan worked himself on top of you, it became heavier and heavier. the curly-head was heaving, he didn’t want to hurt you so he was trying to be as slow as possible.

your nails dug into his chest, gritting your teeth and taking deep breath to stop thinking about the aching down your cunt.

you heard the first time would hurt, it will of course differ from people to people but your tight muscles did not choose you this time because this shit stings like a bitch. why the hell do quinn or other girls go crazy about this?

“you alright?” a familiar voice brought you back to reality, where your legs are spread open and ethan was still not even bottomed out. “yeah,” you half-lied. “i’m okay.”

ethan was breathing fast, not knowing if he’s supposed to tell you you feel so good or just kiss you. he just focused again, blinking rapidly and locking eyes with yours which was solely glossy with tears he bit on his lips and pushed flush against you, completely bottomed out.

your shin of cry and hiss grunt officially surfaced over his bedroom. this was it, you two were not geeky, stupid virgin town nerds anymore.

ethan pressed his forehead against yours, breath labored and eyes hazy. this feels so fucking amazing. he stayed there for a while, at least until you tapped his torso and cleared your throat. you’re trying to suffocate the sinful sound inside you but the man pressing you down was not it.

ethan whimpered lightly, bracing himself up and watching your flushed face. your lips were parted up, brows furrowed, with every slow thrust, every sigh sipped out of you.

the feeling was uncomfortable at first and ethan felt way too heavy and thick inside you. your cheeks were pink, the bridge of your nose rosy as well.. you’re so cute. and when you did not look like you’re in pain anymore, ethan pulled before thrusting all his way inside you.

you moan.

you moan and ethan feels his spine turn cold with chill.

god, he needs to hear more of that. more of you.

self-control slipping away, ethan felt his hips pick its own pace and started to fuck you senseless. you suddenly wrapped your arms on his neck, pulling him down and causing him to fall onto your covered breast, a huff leaving his lips. ethan was confused and about to pull back until he felt you shake your head.

“no, please no.” you whisper to his chest. “i don’t want you to watch me li–“ he cuts you off, pulling himself up with force that he almost brought you up with him. “i. want. to.” he says before his eyes land on your soft pink, matching with your panties he just threw away bra.

one arm still supporting his weight, the other crippled up to your top and pulled on it slightly.

his forehead was sweaty, no, his whole body was about to drown. while still his hips continued to fuck you, his hand unclipped the hook of the bra. “e.” you whine, “e?” ethan asks, biting on his lips to stop himself from pressing you to the bed. “ethan, please.” you plea to which you have no reason to but the sound and moans escaping you was hard to stop.

the name you just gave him was enough to drive him wild and ethan started to push harder that your body was sliding up to the mattress and the headboard slamming with the wall making a loud sound.

you felt unfamiliar bubble building in you and brought your hand to his chest. it still was stingy but you wanted to keep feeling his deep strokes. not until a sudden pressure swelled inside you.

“wait.” you said and it fell to deaf ears at first. “e, wait. hold on.” with every thrust ethan gave you, the pressure was getting heavier and very discomforting. if it wasn’t your legs tightening against him and being a barrier, you knew ethan would have just fucked himself in you shamelessly.

“shit, what’s wrong?” he was quick to halt his pace.

“something wrong? did i hurt you?” he was checking for any signs on your face but you just gave him a hesitant push on his abs. ethan understood something was up and you wanted to stop and so, he completed ceased moving.

“want to stop?” he was out of breath.

“i think so?” you say with a questioning manner. whatever this stupid heavy shit was inside you? you couldn’t handle it anymore. (you were about to orgasm)

ethan smiled before pressing a reassuring kiss on your forehead. “alright, we can stop.” your heart doesn’t miss a beat nor forget how your chest tighten when he kissed you on the head. you two moan and hiss when ethan pulls out completely before rolling over and laying next to you.

it was silent for a moment, shallow breath and the sound of ethan swallowing his spit filled the room.

“i didn’t hurt you too much, did i?” he asks.

oh so he noticed how you were on verge of crying. “no..well kinda.” you lay flat on the mattress, head turned to find him doing the same by staring at you. “thank you.” you suddenly say, “for listening to me.” ethan knits his eyebrows, confused with what you said before it hits him.

you’re thanking him for listening and stopping.

ethan just gives you a tight smile, coming closer to you while he’s still sweaty and naked. taking you to his arms. “and thank you for wanting to sleep with me.” he murmurs which causes you to let a soft laugh out and hum. “me too honestly.” you tiredly reply.

it’s not surprising how you both are calm right now, well because it’s obvious once you two come to the right state of your mind, it’s really going to be awkward and weird for a while but screw it. you two just fucked and it’s okay, you are friends.

it was just a casual hook up, both geeks losing their virginity and nothing special— it should have been special —so nothing serious is gonna happen after this, right?

you close your eyes at the the thought and decide to just rest a bit.

ethan on other hand nervously licks his lips, heart swelled with the fact you’re comfortably laying in his chest and low-key praying you’re not noticing how his heart was beating so fast because of you. he wishes this can actually happen one more tim—

what? hold on right there. no, wait— wait. yeah, no nothing is gonna happen between you two again and he was going to make sure of that (which of course he’ll fail terribly.)

i seriously did not notice how it got to 2.8k words — like + reblogs are very appreciated and not pressured! mwah **

[ashleyeveerson]

✨ THE DAN AND PHIL LORE pt. 2✨

CHECK OUT PART 1: https://www.tumblr.com/ashleyeveerson/760695134744723456/the-dan-and-phil-lore-pp?source=share

Oh sweet 2015... A trip to Japan, which is dubed by DANIEL HOWELL HIMSELF as Japhan, leads to a fan theory in which Dan and Phil supposedly got married there which they talked about in a recent video i can't believe this is real. IN OTHER NEWS: The Amazing Book is Not on Fire is published and Dan and Phil go in their first tour ever!!! TATINOF is just ICONIC, just treat yourself and watch the musical number "The internet is here" THEY. TAP. DANCE.

The boys are touring worldwide which gives us very cute pictures of them holding koalas (awww). They also attend the Bronca in which they win EVERY PRIZE TOGETHER except "streamer of the year" which Phil won only to beckon Dan to get onstage so they could share it (THEY MAKE ME SICK). The iconic clip "Can Phil express an opinion?" is also born and Dan blesses our ears by dropping the rap of the century: ROAST YOURSELF CHALLENGE a month without uploading he comes back with a tag THAT NO ONE EVEN TAGED HIM ON

Things are changingggg... Dan ditches the "Dan is not on fire" name and brand of his channel to reflect the changes in his content. He then uploads "Dan and Depression", in which he opens up for the first time about his struggles with mental health (it's a great fucking video go watch it).

Phannies and Phil himself rejoice when Dan decides to embrace the hobbit hair and ditch the straightners (RIP the fringe). And as part of april fool's day a strange video named "Dan and Phil crafts" is uploaded to YT (idk what to say go watch it yourselves). THEY ALSO MOVED TO PHLAT 3 ON LONDON [which we would later discover were 2 separate flats; one to live in and one to record in] (some fans theorized about it before they confirmed idk ya'll scare me)

In 2018 they embark on their second tour "INTERACTIVE INTROVERTS" but the vibes in the channel all lead to the end of an era... Phil ditches the fringe (RIP), the final video of Dan vs Phil is recorded and the LAST AND 10th TATINOF gets uploaded. Now... the nostalgic vibes of this video, the love they have for their fans, the recreation of the first picture they ever took... YEAH THIS ONE ALWAYS MAKES ME SOB -- we enter the INDEFINITE HIATUS --

LOOK AT THEM :( something, something about despite everything, it's still you...

now we enter.... THE DARK AGES. Dan basically disappears from the internet while Phil keeps on uploading on his solo channel with no mention of him. So after everything, WHAT HAPPENED TO PHAN? DID WE GO TOO FAR AS A FANDOM? ARE WE THE BAD GUYS? Let's take a trip down Phandom history, shall we?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So in the peak years of Dan and Phil uploading a VERY LARGE group had appeared on Tumblr which was soley focused on so called "EVIDENCE" of Phan being canon. Now... the problem being that using the term CANON with real people is problematic to say the least. The relationship speculation that had thrived on fictional tv shows such as Merlin, Supernatural or Sherlock was now being IMPOSED upon two very real people. NOT fictional characters, just two blokes with feelings and a right to privacy.

SO WHO GOT IT RIGHT?? was it the crazy theorists, did Dan and Phil share the sonic underwear, clothes and a bed? Or was it all a lie? A bad rumour? A comercial decision to get more money from the phans? well WHICH IS IT?

WHAT IS THE TRUTH? WE. WANT. ANSWERS.

...

YIKES! Turns out that there is no answer, because we as fans ARE NOT ENTITLED TO THE PRIVACY OF OUR IDOLS. We only deserve as much as Dan and Phil are comfortable and willing to share about their lives with us... Oh and Dan? He has something BIG to share

Yeah so, words can even begin to explain how much this video meant to myself and may others... For me it was the first video I ever saw of someone actually coming out on camera, it was a beacon of light, a promise that things CAN eventually get better and a very brave fucking thing for Dan to do. He gave hope to thousands of young people who were just as lost as he had once been, he became the representation he so desperately needed when he was just a depressed kid. Just, go watch it. It's wonderful, it's a masterpiece, it's funny and heartbreaking in equal parts and above all... it's SO authentically Dan.

So where does that lead us... Let's dissect the popularity of Phan shall we? A LOT OF FANS WERE JUST FETISHISING MEN FOR NO REASON, TRUE. But a lot of them were also queer and exploring their sexuality through the safety of a m/m pairing. Since historically most yuri was catered around men and hetero romance tended to objectify women, slash paring became a way for a lot of girls to explore sex and love. That is, within the safety of removing themselves completely from the pairing. Go read this article if you wanna know more about women's fascination with slash media: https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/why-women-love-slashfic

SO SURPRISE, WE ALL TURNED OUT TO BE QUEER!!! Like ofc there was a toxic side of it, but there were also a lot of queer kids who desperately searched for public figures they could relate to.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now a couple of edits before returning to the Phan timeline bc these slides turned out to be WAY heavier than intended: Look at my boy Dan look at him!!! Look at him showing those grippers, feeding a deer, going proudly to his first Gay Parade!!!

PHIL LESTER MY BELOVED... dan I can and will fight you on the title of Phil's num 1 trash he'd probably win who am i kidding he's so in love with this man istg

PART 3 RIGHT HERE: https://www.tumblr.com/ashleyeveerson/760714622028349440/the-dan-and-phil-lore-pt-2?source=share

[novantinuum]

Pink Onyx AU- An Analysis and Theory Post, Part 2

[Part 1] | [Part 2- You are here!] | [Part 3] | [Part 4] | [Part 5]

~

Welcome back, folks! This is part 2 of my analysis series on the excellent @pink-onyx-au comic made by @ceephorsshitshow. And for those who are tuning in fresh just now, please check out the first part- linked above- for more information on what these posts are all about. A lot of this analysis will build on what came previously.

We’re jumping right back into it.

__

Question Two: What is Pink Steven’s whole deal in this comic, anyways?

Fans of this comic have long pointed out the oozing pink looming at the corner of many of the earlier comic panels when Steven and Jasper are fused, and the strong resistance Steven’s own gem seems to have to being Onyx at all.

(Episode 1: Pages 17 & 18)

In some small way, even if he never states it any more bluntly than he does in the panels above, even Steven himself recognizes what’s going on. The reason their first fusion attempt doesn’t take is because half of him doesn’t want anything to do with Jasper at all.

And with the way Jasper speaks of fusion like it’s a tool to conquer, it’s not very hard to glean one of the reasons why.

(Episode 2: Page 17)

Pink Steven, probably: And That Was My Cue To Say Yikes™

So, yeah. If you’ve read the comic, you know what happens after this. Steven allows Jasper to front for a while completely unhindered, genuinely curious about what she thinks he should be using his powers for. 

(Episode 4: Page 3)

This decision isn’t inherently a wrong one- in fact, from one angle I think it shows a lot of mature openness to go to such lengths to try and understand someone you feel you don’t have much in common with. However, it IS a decision that Steven himself doesn’t seem to be in consensus over. And we know this because of how he physically responds to Jasper’s violent use of these powers, and what the speech bubble styles (there’s a lot of that scribbly pink lettering throughout this scene) can tell us about his mental state.

(Episode 3: Page 7)

Like, just look at the top set of eyes while Jasper’s taking this fused body on a destructive spin around the woods while abusing his powers. They are alert, they are pink, and they are fucking ANGRY.

Not only that, but this part of Steven almost seems to be feeling a bit vindictive towards Jasper for the harm she’s caused him in the past, because he takes a minor bit of control for just a moment to summon that damned death barrier again, in a move that feels intensely like a silent threat to me.

(Episode 3: Page 9)

Jasper confirms herself in Episode 4 that she did NOT consciously summon this barrier. So, it was Steven, then. Or at least… It was a part of Steven.

(Episode 3: Page 10)

I feel like many readers contextualize this moment as Steven’s Gem half chastising Jasper for abusing his powers, but I personally read it as him calling out Steven himself- Steven as a whole- for allowing her to have full reign when he knew deep down he was in conflict over the idea of this whole fusion to begin with. The panels with the visualization of Steven’s human half struggling to crawl his way through this gummed up, frothy pink fusion mindscape while his other half takes the reigns immediately calls to mind the shot of Jasper struggling for control in Malachite’s mindscape in the season 2 episode "Chille Tid." 

Not only that, but take a close look at human Steven’s eyes in that previous panel…

They’re dulled, not drawn with full black irises like they usually are. 

(Episode 3: Page 13)

And guess how full hybrid Steven is drawn just a few panels later, right after Pink Steven pulls away his power (“But you’re starting over just like I did!”) and Onyx splits? Those same, concerningly dulled eyes. Reminds me a lot of how he looked during both the cliffhanger of Change Your Mind and when his gem was glitching out in the movie. Given the context of the scene and the internal instability he was facing, I take this to mean that even his gem powers have briefly been nerfed, rendering him just as weak at this moment as he’d be without that gem at all. Hell, this whole page basically reads as him outright bargaining with this part of himself to summon one last panel to break Jasper’s fall.

“No. She can’t… She can’t… Please. She didn’t… didn’t… mean…”

So yeah, this episode in particular is the best glimpse we’ve gotten at the blatant opinions and feelings of this part of Steven so far… but quite frankly, I think the visual motif of the ominous pink goop oozing in at the edges of panels continues to be a powerful reminder of his constant presence. He’s watching things closely. I think the last thing he wants right now is for Steven as a whole to end up hurt by this again.

Basically, in my head, the ooze is Pink Steven’s “Mmmm don’t like that” signifier, lol.

__

Question Three: What is up with Onyx’s fusion dream?

The beginning of Episode 7 starts with Onyx caught in the middle of a strange dream.

(Episode 7: Page 1)

In my mind, this is absolutely one of those strange mixed-up fusion dreams- the subject and presentation influenced by the thoughts and memories of the individuals involved in said fusion. I think this dream is a combo of the memories from Rose that Steven can access through his gem and Jasper’s own fears/insecurities.

You have a visualization of the corruption blast, an event that Rose experienced firsthand- thus, exists as dormant memory within Steven’s gem… and then I think Jasper’s component of this is the perspective, and how it compares to her experience in being struck down by a diamond attacking from the sky in much a similar way. Only, unlike Rose… she didn’t have a shield to hide behind.

Part of me kind of wonders if the emergence of this dream means Jasper’s den is IN the same place where Rose shielded her friends from the corruption blast- since usually, these memory related dreams that Steven and his fusions have are drawn out by being in the exact locations the memories took place. It’s kinda hard to say, though. In the one shot we have of Rose facing the corruption blast, the environment looks entirely different (way flatter, not reddened + weapons on the ground) than the environment in Onyx’s dream. In fact, the environment in Onyx’s dream looks far closer to this:

The context given in the episode "A Single Pale Rose" shows that this is the Strawberry Battlefield right after the corruption blast itself. (An earlier shot shows the floating islands unique to this area.) You get the reddened soil and the weapons, like we see with what Onyx is dreaming, and the hills. 

So, I think our most likely possibilities are as follows: 

Rose defending the Crystal Gems from the corruption blast DID take place in this location, and the actual shot of her pulling up the shield is just colored a lot differently… perhaps to account for the intense glow of the Diamonds’ power.

The location visualized in Onyx’s dream is actually related to a Jasper-specific memory of the war, which is merely getting mixed up with the ambient memory of Rose seeing the corruption blast careening down at her.

No matter which of the two is true, the major crux of this dream is how it parallels Jasper’s experience of seeing Steven let loose his shattering strike from the sky. This is important, because it is yet another piece of evidence that she is truly, DEEPLY bothered by this moment, even if she often acts otherwise.

When Steven bluntly asks her why she’s not bothered by him shattering her, she deflects…

(Episode 1: Page 7) 

…completely brushing over any and all feelings she may harbor over the matter to comment on how shattering is a completely normal thing for the old eras of Gemkind. However, later on, she admits that she felt upset when a part of Steven summoned that spiked barrier again while fused as Onyx.

(Episode 4: Page 4)

This signals to me that processing this event is going to be a large part of Jasper’s arc in this comic. This is the capital ‘B’ Big Trauma that she is burying under all her false bravado and her tough exterior.

I think it is also important to note that we see a visualization of the battlefield from this dream once more, when Onyx’s own personality finally comes to the forefront for the first time. We’ll delve into this matter in the next discussion section.

__

Look out for the next post in this series at 7am PST tomorrow. Farewell!

[oneforthemunny]

if you could headcanon angst fot each eddie what would it be? (youre hesrtbreakingly good at angst)

mafia!eddie’s is easy. angst about you getting hurt bc of his job. he got ‘sloppy’ (he didn’t) and trusted the wrong person or did the wrong thing. it’s his worst fear come true, repeating history. he’d go into nearly a mania state of paranoia trying to prevent it. a spiraling rampage and just completely loses his mind in a way.

older!eddie i’d say it’s the angst of gina. past relationship trauma and really the verbal and mental abuse she put him in. specifically, left him in when they divorced. how self conscious it made him, how anxious it made him, how deeply just fucked up and skewed his perception of love was.

modern!eddie it would be a good old fashioned break up. he’s too immature in the relationship. one too many fight about forgetting things, her having to do everything. just too much, really, and they break up. he’s in a deep depression after. genuinely heart broken but tbh needs to happen bc he’s gotta grow up a little.

rockstar!eddie is definitely when he does coke and is with the kids. i’m standing with that anon from ages ago (i think it was on the old blog maybe?) but twins are newborns, he’s trying to balance still working and touring and making music, being a dad to four young kids, and being a husband. he’s exhausted but he can’t be, does some coke, nb notices somethings off with how weird he’s been and finds it. she leaves him and goes to farrah’s. he absolutely loses his shit, spirals way out of control, checks himself into like a rehab spa place bc he’s not addicted really but he wants to learn healthy coping skills. has a teeny tiny nervous breakdown too from just everything.

cowboy!eddie is coming. trust.

dom!eddie this feels generic but he takes it too far. not physically but emotionally if that’s makes sense. i think early in the relationship, they’re kinda figuring out what they like, what they don’t. it’s easy with physical things bc he can see it. but he wants to do emotional too. says some hurtful shit in the name of “degrading” which she takes personally. he didn’t mean it but why did he say that, let alone think it (spoiler he heard it in a porno and thought it would be good to say lol). just very angsty miscommunication. definitely helps them establish hard lines on what goes and what doesn’t. realizes she likes being humiliated more than degraded so important in their dynamic but yikes. not fun.

bouncer!eddie he cheats on her. he’s so flirty anyways like that’s just his personality. he’s drunk, she’s not there, gets his dick sucked in the hideout bathroom after a gig when he’s so fucking drunk he can barely stand and sobs after he cums. he’s a wreck about telling you. decides not to lie (bc people there def saw it) and it’s horrendous. absolutely just angst and more angst and he didn’t mean to, you don’t believe him. worst of all you have to WORK together omfg. very not great.

janitor!eddie i pretty much destroyed him with ‘some sunny day’ so that? if it was with reader related, it’s definitely when he gets jealous over nothing. accuses her of cheating and flirting and taking advantage of him and being horrible, because one of the other teachers were flirting with her and she was uncomfortable. but he doesn’t try to hear her side of thing, just assumes and accuses and is deeply insecure, and like can’t be doing that lol.

[vashsscoreboardofpain]

WELCOME BACK SPORTS FANS TO "VASHS SCORE BOARD OF PAIN" :D WHERE YOU CAN WATCH YOUR FAVORITE HUMANOID TYPHOON SUFFER

1ST OF ALL, PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO OUR CONTESTANTS

Vash the Stampede (trimax version)

Vash the Stampede (98 version)

Vash the Stampede (Stampede version)

AND NOW THE RULES

-1 point per traumatic event: the event (like loosing a mother) is agreed to be traumatic by most people

-1 point per bad event: the event (like being shot at) is agreed to be maybe not traumatic but really fucking sad by most people

-1 point per action that shows the contestant is mentally unwell

-1 point per angry outburst IF it's related to his mental health and/or traumatic event

-1 point per sad outburst IF it's related to his mental health and/or traumatic event

-1 point per "yikes statement": this statement shows the contestant needs therapy

IMPORTANT NOTE: this sports season will only cover stampede season 1. Since we need to wait for the rest of Trigun Stampede to come out, a winner will not be determined immediately after the 1st season of sports it's over. But don't worry sports fans, I will be here for the stampede ending to check the final scores and announce the winner

SCHEDULE

MARCH: Stampede

APRIL: 98 (will go along @/trigun98watchparty)

MAY: trimax

ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE: This really funny bit is inspired by this video :D if you dont like and/or subscribe to SulMatul you will have to commit to our "disgrace punishment" (which means reading trimax volume 10 in total silence and solitude)

Don't forget to use #vashsscoreboardofpain to check all the updates!

SEE YOU IN MARCH FOR THE PAIN

[devildomwriter]

City Sidewalks, Busy Sidewalks, Dressed in Holiday Style | Thirteen x Reader

.9K words | GN! Reader | CW: none, just fluff and fun

The snow gently fell as you stroked down the slippery sidewalks of the city. Everything was lit up, there were carolers on every corner. The windows of every shop were decorated for Christmas with big sale signs. You could feel the happy energy in the air. You were happy too, not just for Christmas but because you were shopping with Lucifer’s card and you had Thirteen with you to do it.

She was dressed in a faux fur coat and rocking a pair of sunglasses. She blended right in with the big city while you prioritized comfort over appearance. That’s why the first thing she did when you met up was drag you into a high-end clothing store.

Thanks to that you had dozens of bags on your arms.

“You’re totally going to freeze in that,” Thirteen said with concern.

“My sweater is plenty fine to protect me. Your gloves are too thin.”

“Nah, I’m fine.”

“Then what about your tights? Aren’t those too thin?”

“Have you forgotten who I am? The cold doesn’t bother me.”

“Okay, Elsa.”

“Who’s Elsa?”

“You’re going to learn when we get back home.”

“Sounds fun,” she grinned and spotted another store she wanted to look in.

She grabbed your hand and pulled you after her. “Let’s check out this place!”

“Hobby Lobby?” You questioned and she nodded.

“This place looks perfect for some things I can get for traps and they have a big sale right now too!”

You sighed and agreed. You made a mental note to warn Solomon later but he’d probably be fine either way. Seeing how Thirteen smiled just planning a trap made you question whether or not to ruin it.

You decided Solomon would probably live and seeing what Thirteen had planned was too interesting to pass up so you relented and followed her in the crowd.

“Yikes. They’re so many humans here,” she groaned.

“Of course there is. It’s Christmas in a couple of days and people of all ages benefit from this store.”

“Ugh. I don’t even wanna know what those lines are going to look like if I can’t get down the aisle…”

She was right. You both found a few things you’d like and she made a note in her D.D.D. of which items she’d need to locate later.

You stepped outside with a few more things than you entered with and checked her notes. You looked around and spotted a superstore.

“Hey, Thirteen. I think that store will have the springs you’re looking for,” you advised and her eyes lit up.

“Nice! Good job, __! Let’s go, I wonder if they’re having a sale too.”

“Probably.”

“Perfect! This really is the best time to be in the city, huh?”

You nodded and took her hand to wait by the crosswalk light. She looked at all the cars passing and the crowd around you, also waiting to cross.

“Can’t we just walk?”

“No, we’ll die.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let anyone reap your soul.”

“Okay, well we can’t do that in front of all the witnesses.”

Thirteen huffed and relented, waiting for the crosswalk signal. When it did she seemed surprised by how quickly the crowd moved, not worried about bumping into each other. She squeezed your hand, making sure not to lose you.

You made it safely to the other side and walked around the corner of the block. The doors slid open as people rushed in and out.

“Maybe you should teleport your bags back home, aren’t your arms getting sore?”

“A little bit,” you agreed. “We just have to find somewhere no one will see it.”

“What about the alleyway?”

“Trust me, never go into the allies in the city.”

She tilted her head in confusion but took a minute to think about it. “Yeah…I suppose I do reap a good amount of souls from alleyways.”

“Comforting…”

“Okay, what about the bathrooms.” She checked for the bathrooms and found herself at the end of a long line. “I…don’t even want to know the state of the bathroom. Let’s try something else.”

You nodded and followed her around the aisles, arms growing heavier as you did so. She took a few from you. After all, she’d been the one to insist you buy yourself some nicer winter clothes to match hers.

You finally found an aisle with only a few people. “We just need a distraction…” she mumbled and you began to sweat nervously.

“Uh-oh, don’t tell me you brought—“

“Happy the holiday lobster!”

The name alone had people turning to see her as she whipped out a magic mini-canon with a live lobster inside.

“Oh no…”

The isles went from wild to wild and loud as Thirteen distracted everyone and tried to catch the lobster before someone ran off with it for Christmas dinner.

“Hey! Don’t mess with Happy!” She shouted. You quickly teleported the bags, successfully unnoticed, and began chasing back after Thirteen and the strange man who’d picked up the lobster and started running.

“Thirteen!”

“Happy!”

After a few minutes, you rescued the lobster and changed clothes to disguise yourselves. Unfortunately, you had to do so in the bathroom after cutting the line and pissing off everyone there.

“What was that guy’s deal?” She grumbled.

“The lobster.”

“Clearly. Who steals lobsters?”

“Who shoots them out of canons?”

“You’re just jealous I have such amazing taste,” she winked. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be with you.”

You blushed and rolled your eyes. “What am I going to do with you?”

[marvel-ous-m]

Summer Child

W/C: 2,670

A/N: This is my birthday gift to myself! I was in the mood to write some steddie hurt/comfort and getting together. I hope you enjoy! Title from Conan Gray song (I listened to my moody playlist as I wrote this morning and it just kinda fit).

It’s not like Steve to cancel plans.

It’s completely out of character for him to forgo an event unannounced.

Eddie’s honestly not sure that’s even what’s going on. It’s more likely that one of the kids forgot to spread the news that Steve had a conflict, that the kids would have to find a different way home from their movie night.

A movie night which everyone in the party was invited to. A movie night hosted in the Wheeler’s basement that everyone showed up to- everyone but Steve.

When the time came to take the brats kids home, Eddie volunteered. Not only because he had the van- yeah, that was a pretty big motivator- but so he had an excuse to check-in on Steve afterwards.

Yeah, his house was out of the way, but if Eddie was already out and about, it only made sense.

That was the story he was telling himself, at least.

Eddie dropped the kids off one by one, ignoring their excited shouting and loud conversations. After a night of candy and soda, they were… a lot. Eddie made a mental note to make sure there were more healthy options next time, then groaned. He wasn’t their mothers, for Christ’s sake.

Eddie arrived at Steve’s house and practically jumped out of the car to make for the front door. Steve was probably fine- but in the off chance... it made sense to rush.

Eddie knocked three times, then rang the doorbell. When nothing happened, Eddie lifted the potted plant on the front stoop and grabbed the spare key underneath it.

Rich people were so predictable.

The door clicked open and revealed a dark house, save for the dim glow of the television in the family room. (Not the living room- that was a plastic-covered-furniture nightmare. The family room, which had a couch meant for sitting and actually contained life every once in a while.)

Eddie walked towards the light, which was soon joined by high-pitched voices and a slightly-annoying laugh track. Eddie turned the corner into the room, eyebrows raising at the sight that greeted him.

Steve was very much alive. He sat curled up on the center cushion of the couch, sock-clad feet barely visible. He wore an oversized sweatshirt, the hood pulled over his head, and was wearing what looked to be flannel pajama pants. He was covered in two blankets and stared blankly at the television screen, eyes glazed over in a way that would otherwise be concerning if it weren’t for his steady breathing and sluggish blinking.

He was watching... The Muppets?

Steve lifted a shaking hand to wipe at his eyes, then sniffed softly, his breath hitching.

Steve was crying to The Muppets. Which was probably the strangest sentence Eddie had ever thought in his life.

Eddie had only seen Steve cry twice. The first time was when Max woke up, the second was after a particularly bad nightmare that caused Steve to drive all the way to Eddie's house and ask to stay the night. Suffice to say, Steve didn't cry at just anything, and The Muppets was a weird thing to cry about. Eddie was fairly certain there was something else going on.

Eddie rapped his knuckles on the side of the doorway twice, keeping his posture relaxed in an effort to not scare Steve. He was intruding on a delicate situation, it was the least he could do.

Steve turned his head, surprise painting his face briefly. It was quickly replaced by a neutral, schooled expression. "Eddie?"

Eddie smiled softly, waving his fingers in a way that he knew usually made Steve break into a ridiculous smile. His expression didn't budge. Yikes. "Hey, Stevie. I just swung by to make sure you were okay. We had movie night tonight and you didn't show-"

"Fuck." Steve's face crumpled. He hastily covered his eyes with his hands, his thumbs rubbing small circles into his temples. "Shit. Fuck. I'm sorry, Eddie. Did the kids get home okay?"

Eddie took a few steps towards Steve, stopping when he was hovering awkwardly at the edge of the couch. "Yeah, everyone's fine. I took 'em home on my way here." Steve's breath hitched as he visibly grew more upset. Fuck. Change the subject, Munson. "What's got you so upset, sweetheart?" Steve let out a soft sob in response, and Eddie cringed to himself. WRONG CHANGE OF SUBJECT. ABORT. ABORT.

"It's- um, just... a bad day." Steve's whispered reply only increased Eddie's confusion.

"Like, today as in Friday is a bad day, or today as in... uh, August 22nd?"

Steve gave another choked sob, and Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose. Shit, he was fucking this up royally.

"S-sorry. Ugh, this is so stupid." Steve rubbed his eyes roughly, then ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

Eddie frowned, and, in a decision that he didn't take time to think through, he circled the couch and sat on the cushion next to Steve. Eddie then placed a hand on Steve's shoulder, squeezing once, twice. "Your emotions aren't stupid, baby. You're not stupid. What's going on? What can I do to help?" He thought he saw Steve's cheeks start to flush, but his hands moved to cover his entire face, so Eddie couldn't be sure what that was about.

The two sat quietly for a few minutes, the only sound in the room the low-volume crooning on Elton John surrounded by Muppet crocodiles. This show was a fucking fever dream. "Um- well, my parents called this morning, and I thought it was going to be to wish me Happy Birthday, that for once they'd remembered, but they were calling about wanting to sell the house, again, and it's just- fuck, it's just a lot. I've kinda just... been here since. Watching old reruns all day."

Eddie blinked, feeling a bit like he was drowning from that tidal wave of information. Still, one thing stuck out. "Stevie... today's your birthday?"

Steve chuckled humorlessly. "Yup. Officially 20."

"Oh... sweetheart, I'm sorry. If I'd known- if... wait, does anyone know?" Eddie didn't think as he moved his hand to brush a stray strand of hair away from Steve's face. Steve's cheeks flushed pink again, and seriously, what was that about?

Steve ducked his head, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Um... I think Nancy is the only one who knows. She snuck a look at my ID back when..." Steve trailed off. He took a steadying breath, then resumed. "She knows I don't like to make it a thing. I think tonight was her way of trying to celebrate, but I just... I forgot, and it's not that I like being alone more, it's just... easier?"

Eddie hummed in understanding. "I'm sorry you had to miss your own birthday party, darling. I'm sorry none of us knew- knew that it was today, knew what you were going through." Eddie placed his hand on Steve's knee, mentally working through how to fix the day.

"Thanks, Eds." Steve's hand moved to Eddie's, and he began fiddling with the rings on Eddie's fingers. If Steve could take a break from being cute, maybe Eddie could think better.

He'd been here all day, right? Did that mean... "Did you eat today, Stevie?"

"Hm?" Steve gave a distracted hum, then furrowed his brow in thought. "Nah. Just... been here. Haven't been hungry." Steve's stomach gave a betraying growl, and Eddie smirked.

"Not hungry my ass. What sounds good, honey? What do you have here?"

Steve shrugged, his expression growing guarded. "I-I don't know. Sorry. You don't have to- you can go, Eddie. I'll be fine here."

Eddie's heart broke a little. "I'm not leaving, Steve. Not on your birthday. Not like this. Why don't I go look in the kitchen and see what I can scrounge up, hm? Maybe you could find something to watch instead of..." Eddie turned towards the television, eyebrow raising at Kermit, now wearing a replica of Elton John's outfit. The Muppets writers room must have access to really, really good weed.

Steve followed Eddie's gaze, snorting out a laugh. "Not a Muppet fan, Eddie?" Steve didn't wait for Eddie to confirm or deny the allegation. Instead, he just gave Eddie's hand a squeeze. "I'll come up with something else. I've got some stuff I grabbed from Family Video's sale bin."

Eddie moved to stand from the couch, but Steve quickly wrapped his hand around Eddie's. "Um... thank you, Eddie. You don't have to do any of this- but you are and... I really..." Steve's eyes grew wet and he ducked his head down. "Thanks."

Eddie smiled. "Of course. I'll be right back, Steve." Eddie found the kitchen easily and began rummaging around, his thoughts wandering as he did. It was Steve's birthday. His parents called and didn't wish him Happy Birthday. They're trying to sell the house- does Steve have anywhere to go? How soon is this selling thing going to happen? Does anyone know? Why hasn't Steve said anything? He mentioned it wasn't the first time his parent's had asked about it...

Eddie let his thoughts consume him as he boiled some noodles and began heating canned tomato sauce. Spaghetti was really all Steve had ingredients for, and also seemed like the easiest thing for Steve to eat right now. He'd... never seen Steve like this before. He was always so brave. Hell, he was still being brave. Eddie probably wouldn't be able to cope if he got told that he and Wayne had to vacate their new home. It was hard enough getting kicked out of the trailer after the sudo-apocalypse.

Well... huh. That was a thought. Eddie's house. They did have more than enough room now. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. The third bedroom was mostly storage, it would take less than an hour to clear out.

Eddie drained the noodles then stirred them into the sauce. He put two plates together, then returned to the Family Room. Steve was sitting quietly, watching the opening titles of Star Wars: A New Hope.

"Hey! Good choice, Stevie. An absolute classic. I found stuff for spaghetti, if that sounds good?" Eddie held out a plate, and Steve eagerly took it, a smile taking over his features. Eddie loved that smile. He would kiss that smile.

Wait, what?

"Thanks, Eds. Spaghetti is great. Perfect, actually. I really... I can't thank you enough. You've made the day so much better, and-" Steve glanced over at Eddie, and apparently saw something that made him pause. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Like what? Eddie could've said. Like I want to kiss you? Because that's a revelation I just had, and seeing as that's currently making me feel like I have a hoard of butterflies throwing a rave in my stomach, it's apparently a thought that I'm receptive to.

Instead, Eddie said: "Do you want to move in with me?"

Steve choked on his first bite of spaghetti, sputtering. "W-what?!"

"Fuck- sorry, ugh, I'm the worst at this- I just... I was thinking while I was cooking, and I realized- you said it was your birthday, but you also said that your parents called to talk about selling the house, and that it wasn't the first time they had said something about it, and I realized- um, maybe... maybe it was happening soon, whether you wanted it to or not. Maybe you were keeping it from all of us, because- you're brave, Steve. You're so brave. It makes sense- that you would think that you shouldn't- couldn't- burden us with something like this.

"But it's not a burden, Steve. You're not a burden. I-I can't imagine that finding a place to move has been very successful, what with Hawkins still rebuilding, and... well, Wayne and I ended up with the government-hush-money house, and they gave us way too much space. We have an entire empty bedroom right now. Which... why keep it empty if you need a place to live, y'know?

"You deserve good things, Steve. You've done so much for us... for me. You carried me out of hell, for fuck's sake. You saved my life. I- I care about you, and if I can do this small thing for you... fuck, man. It's no question. So... if you need a place still... um, move in with me?" Eddie punctuated his rant by taking a bite of spaghetti and ducking his head. Way to ramble on, Eds. Spot-on. Steve would definitely want to live with you after that absolute fuck-up of a request. Eddie swallowed his food, sparing a glance up at Steve as he did.

Steve was staring at him, face blank. Suddenly, Steve reached a hand towards Eddie's face, and for a split-second, he thought Steve was going to slap him or something.

Instead, Steve cradled his cheek, leaned forward, and-

Oh.

They were kissing. Steve's lips against his, the pad of Steve's thumb soft against Eddie's stubbled cheek.

Steve broke the kiss as quickly as he had initiated it, making a move like he was going to run off, but Eddie reacted before he could, lifting his hand to lay over Steve's on his own cheek, his other hand moving to cradle Steve's cheek. He smiled against Steve's lips, and Steve melted into his hold.

"I- I should've asked to kiss you, I'm sorry. I just... I've never- no one has ever said so many good things about me, and you've done so much, and... I've been waiting to do that for months, and I didn't really think, it just-" Steve was rambling now, and Eddie cut him off with another kiss.

"It's okay, baby. I... I think I only just came to my senses and realized that I've been crushing on you for a while, too. That's not why I asked you to move in, but... well, I guess there's even more reason to have you live with us, now." Eddie chuckled, giving Steve another chaste kiss.

Steve blushed, which suddenly explained every other flush of the cheeks that Steve had exhibited that evening. "I really appreciate it, Eddie. I would love to move in with you. My parents are coming in two days to make sure all my stuff is out so they can just sell the place, furniture and all, and I- I haven't been able to process it, so I just..." A tear slipped down Steve's cheek, which Eddie quickly wiped away.

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry." Steve's breath hitched again, and Eddie moved to pull his boy into a hug. Steve burrowed his face in Eddie's shoulder, and Eddie's hand found a home carding through Steve's hair. "Let's just relax tonight, hm? Have dinner, finish Star Wars, we can have a sleepover out here. Then in the morning we can tackle the packing situation. How does that sound, sweetheart?"

Steve nodded against Eddie's shoulder. "Sounds like a plan then, Stevie." They sat curled together for a few more minutes, until Steve's stomach gave another loud growl, forcing them apart so Steve could finish his dinner. Their legs stayed tangled together, and they continued to sneak glances at each other, a knowing smile traded between the two of them whenever their eyes met.

Long after their food was finished and the TV had gone to static, Steve and Eddie laid out on the couch, curled together. Steve was on top of Eddie, his face next to Eddie's ear, as Eddie carded his hand through Steve's hair- his new favorite pastime.

"Thanks for the birthday gift, Eds." Steve's tired whisper pulled Eddie from the sleepy haze he had slipped into, making him blink his eyes open.

Eddie smiled. "Happy birthday, baby." He pressed a kiss to the side of Steve's head and let his eyes close again.

Eddie knew this was the honeymoon phase, but he had a feeling that, with Steve, their relationship would always feel this way. He couldn't wait to have that feeling confirmed as they ventured into their futures together.

[snarkylinda]

Sad bitch though of the day: whenever he graduated, was Spencer always alone?

We know he graduated HS at 12 years old, in Las Vegas, so Diana might had been able to go. And that is a huge might, because by this point her state was bad enough to not notice her son wasn't in the house all day in a bad day (Elephant's Memory backstory)

Now his first PDh was on California, when he was around 14- no mention of any College friend, and hell there is the little "she lived there for size months and didn't made any friends? Though that only happened to me." Joke that yeah- anyways I doubt his mom got to be there since it was in fucking California, so it's not a stretch to say he was on his own here.

We don't know when he got his other titles- but it's safe to say that at least one happened after he institutelate her, yikes, and I like to think that Gideon was in one of them at least.

Point is- imagine this: you are collecting titles like they are pokemon, sure being a Genious™ gives you a heads up that literally nobody else around has on the academic side but as it has been shown over, and over, and over again Spencer's intellect is strictly linked to his mental state; if he feels pressured enough he might see something that nobody else sees- or be completely unable to focus (*points to Zugwang, the most in your face example since he actually states it to the camera*) high school must had been a breeze at the academic department, but it was also when he was the most targeted (again he studied with fucking sociopaths), so....yeah, being a Genious is the only reason why this kid managed to do that with that environment.

Then college- Spencer is a little vindictive bitch so if he was ever mistreated in college we would had known about it almost instantly so it's safe to assume it was chill, if a bit lonely. And I mean in college most people don't care enough to fuck you up on the same way high schoolers do so it's fitting- but he was still a 14 years old, in another state. Mature enough to care for himself? Sure -it's not like he had any other option tbh- but he was still a fucking 14yo in an adult space, no wonder he knows how to keep a fucking anxiety attack at check. So obviously, going through all of this, Genious or not, must had been hard af.

College is hell. I dropped out of my first career and cried all night, we as humans tend to have this need of validation over our accomplishments hence why graduation is so idolized, we want to feel good about the years of our lives we lost to get there, with our closer family members cheering at us...

Now I want you to picture someone that is not even an adult, not friends in the class, no one at the crown cheering for them- maybe a teacher could cheer them up? But that is as far as it comes, as they just...look at the title they earned while dealing with some shit™, maybe a reporter or something want to interview them because what they did was awesome and their teachers puff their chest with pride over having taught such a prodege... and then they look in the way the other students are taking photos with their loved ones and talking about going to dinner to celebrate....

That, but 6 times.

[canonizzyhours]

I wrote this long meta post this morning when I was supposed to be working in response to someone saying that they relate to Izzy because he's an outsider, but I deleted it because I realized that I don't care about Izzy, and there's no point in arguing with someone who will be like well that's just your opinion man. Out of all the crew, I care about Izzy the least. I missed Buttons more than I'll miss Izzy in S3. So I'm going to stop reading Izzy posts.

(Although I still maintain that if you see Izzy as the outsider character in Season One you're missing the whole point of his character in that season. Being disliked by your peers is not the same thing as being an outsider!)

But I have one final vent: I'm completely baffled by the canyon. Completely. After I finished the first season, my friend warned me that there were people in fandom who LOVED Izzy, and I was like lol wut. And even after reading all the canyon's meta and all their frankly unhinged tweets, I still don't get it.

Jar Izzy? Okay, I totally get that. Everyone loves a bad boy with issues. I'd be shocked if he didn't have some fans.

But canyon Izzy isn't even Izzy. I've seen them say over and over that Izzy is mentally ill, which is never presented in canon (yet they ignore Ed's very textual breakdown??? why don't they relate to Ed's mental illness???). They say he protects and cares about the crew - citation, please. Show me the scene where he protected anyone. They say that he was completely motivated by the thought that Stede and/or Ed was going to get them killed - aside from Izzy freaking out over the Spanish in 1x04, there's no evidence of that, either. Every character trait they like about canyon Izzy (secretly soft inside, a genius, a natural leader, creative, funny, really really ridiculously good looking, probably nice to kids) literally belongs to the character of Ed!

Then I see posts saying that they relate to Izzy because they're mean and no one likes them... yikes. Or I see them say that they relate to Izzy because they've loved someone who hasn't loved them back, but then why do they vilify the character their fave loves? They've been queer baited because Steddyhands was totally written into canon. Izzy was the only real disabled character. Izzy was the only real gay character. Izzy was the only one with a queer storyline - I guess Stede's entire storyline in Season One never happened?

And you know what, I could probably ignore all that. I could stop checking Tumblr. Hell, some of the Ed takes annoy me because they go too far in the opposite direction and call Izzy an evil mastermind; there are a lot of annoying posts on this site. But it bleeds into my first love: Modern AU Fanfic. Any time I click on a fic that pairs Izzy with anyone else it's more likely than not to portray Ed as violently insane or emotionally manipulative. It bums me out because I'm going to have to start filtering out more and more fic, and I'm going to miss out on some real gems just because it's also tagged Izzy Hands. But I don't know how much longer I can read fics where it turns out that Ed beats and tortures Izzy and only Izzy because they have a special connection, and Izzy gets with Lucius or Frenchie and Ed can't handle it because he can't deal with Izzy loving anyone but him, and Ed picks at Izzy and says terrible underhanded things about him, and everyone is secretly on Izzy's side. WHY ARE THERE EVEN SIDES???

Anyway, I blame Sherlock and discord.

#198.

[tkblythofficial]

According to R herself and from what we've seen so far:

R and T got along really well instantaneously.

He came for her whenever she needed him (which speaks volumes because it says so much about trust foundations. He must've offered her a lot of support. It speaks volumes that she felt that she could go to him, because R comes across at insecure and she might have been afraid of becoming a hindrance to him and that he'd be annoyed or find her needy. The fact that with time she felt safe and comfortable enough with him says a lot.

T already seems to understand R better than her own bf. He can read her demeanor enough to know when she's being serious or when she's upset and cares enough to show support. Whether or not your friend is right and it's because it has some kind of ulterior motive I don't know, but he's done more for her in a few months than T has in years.

R wanting to touch T and being upset that she couldn't. A part of it is due to how mentally taxing it must've been to shoot the movie, but it was almost as if she needed him for comfort. What I didn't understand was if it was at the same time of Sejanus' death or not.

T actually listens to her, engages with her and pays attention to her when she speaks. He's constantly complimenting her and checking her out.

I do agree that he acted petty during the Kiss interview when he talked about the notes from J. R thought she was special but turns out it's a common thing he does for everyone. The fact J doesn't do this one singular thing that is just hers is yikes.

Sometimes is like whatever it is they feel gets in the way and they do stuff to rile each other up. More T than R but still

At some level, whether unconsciously or not, it's almost like T is showing R what kind of partner he is/can be.

Signed - PA

This is a great summary! Thank you!

I agree. R is probably constantly worried that her mental health will be a burden to others and holds back often. So it’s refreshing having someone who doesn’t brush her off and offers supports.

Yes, T knows when to be playfully or serious. He allows her to lead the way with her emotions and reacts to her accordingly.

Physical touch is definitely her love language and uses it for reassurance and comfort. T seems to provide comfort that way too.

I have noticed that too! R can sometimes be awkward and say something cringy (it happens to all of us!) and J is silent / ignores her while T responds so she doesn’t feel bad / left out.

T definitely was being petty during the KISS interview. One because she didn’t give a real response to the kiss question and he was disappointed. Two because she brought up J sending her the love notes and T quickly said he received them too. Third, towards the end of the interview, T was petty again by reminding R that J said he wouldn’t save her in the apocalypse and laughed. She got super defense about it, corrected him saying J didn’t say that but he said she would hold him back. T smugly said “oh wow” knowing R was bothered by it lol. Love that he said he would need a singer and a hug so R would be needed after the world ended.

T loves riling up her up especially if J is involved. It’s like he can’t help himself.

And you’re so right! T is showing her what kind of boyfriend he would be. Also in the KISS interview, R mentioned that she’s the kind of girlfriend to talk and ask questions about everything and he looked very intrigued by that. And that’s when he got petty and mentioned J said he wouldn’t save her in the apocalypse smugly. He’s very cunning (in a good way!)

[keyrey]

To those who need to hear it.

Likes, they're good. Thank you! Reblogs, oh my goodness, you want your audience to see my work? Oh... you didn't use tags? Don't even get me started on stalking the pages of each one of your ten followers. Not that I do that of course, right? A comment! Do I respond now or later? I don't want to be seen as a psychopath. I got a kudo! 100 hits!? Oh, but my writing's not even that good... Why is it that we put so much value on a number when the real value comes from acquiring new skills and knowledge?

Idealization? Check

False perception of reality? Double check.

Yikes.

Go back and look at the words written in bold. My writing's not even good. Why would you think that after all of the hours you've poured into your work, or the endless amount of times you searched the thesaurus for synonyms to 'said' and eventually fail and chose it anyway?

The amount of times I've opened this app not even a day after I post is unreal. I got a like already? Wow! I should probably post this on Ao3 too, right? Even though I utterly hate the outdated website, the red on white background and the minuscule text that is too jarring to look at?

Y'all, the need for validation from strangers on the internet is real.

Arguably, the craziest part about the ordeal is that every feed looks the same, but there's a story behind them all. All ideas develop differently. It's the whole meaning of story tropes, to have your own take of a commonly used cliché. My feed in particular is filled with heaps of SatoSugu (I don't mind this), Nanani fanfic (I love this), the most smuttiest of smut of all time (an occasional treat before I slip into slumber), and people swearing that Deadpool and Wolverine were doing a certain something in that Honda Odyssey. (They probably were. But come on, my mom watched this film. Loved the jokes though. Keep 'em coming.)

Upon my mere two months of posting and doom scrolling, I've observed that this isn't only a 'me' thing. Most, if not all people go through some form of self-doubt. So yeah, is this just a phase? Maybe. Is it okay if this whole doubting-yourself sensation is reoccurring? It is.

Your story is special.

Lovely Tumblr poster number one, Lovely Tumblr poster number two, may your ask inbox be cleared of my wacky questions. I will leave you alone for now. Please enjoy your life while I try to get myself under control. Let's hope you know who you are. Though I really hope you don't. I mentally cringe at the things I've gotten wrong about your character.

How about a day of rest? Yeah, that would be useful. A cup of warm tea? A cozy book amidst the comfort of silence? A podcast or a playlist running as you take in the sun? Your life has more meaning than you think. Put away the phone, your laptop and take in your surroundings. Please, don't be like me! Go to bed at a reasonable hour.

The funny thing about being self-aware is knowing that I will come back within the next thirty seconds to see how this post has been doing. I've already got this site bookmarked. Peak hypocrisy, right?

Jeez, I can't believe I'm writing this. I apologize for all you lactose intolerant readers out there. This is cheesy. Not even your usual Cheddar or American cheese. No, this is some full-on cheese mozzarella pull level shit right here. I'm not responsible for your bathroom needs. Just remember to wash your hands.

If I can try, you can try.

To sum up, keep putting yourself out there and sharing your voice with the world. Even if you don't see it, others do. Even if others don't see it, fuck them. No, you try to see the worth in your work for yourself. If you're tired, let yourself feel the fatigue and take a break.

For those who care, this isn't a goodbye to Tumblr. Just a reminder that it's a website that you can remove yourself from at any time with proper accountability for your actions. It's hard to practice and it's not something that I can give advice on. My brain is only so big.

-Sending lots of love and warm hugs from the bedtime ponderer, Miss KeyRey.

I've got the temperature of my bedroom set to just below freezing. I'm bundled in my many layers of warm, fuzzy blankets. I ordered some ramen takeout for dinner and have taken a nice, long shower. I'm going to let my laptop die because I know I'll be too lazy to put it on charge. Using your weaknesses in a smarter way? Hell yeah. I think I'm ready to try this whole 'sleeping' thing once again. Or whatever you call it.

How many tags is too many?

[saltminerising]

I’m new to making skins/accents, and was really anxious to even try again after one of the last ones I made got vague-posted about on here as being one of the ugliest skins ever made or whatever. (I’m really sorry for that, I was still learning and I’ve figured out some things from that one, but I’m sorry it was so stupid looking…) And so I decided to make a new one, but I got… no feedback or recognition / acknowledgment at all about it despite working really hard on it. Even my friends (of which I have like… 2… who even bother to talk to me… and I have a looking-for-friends thread up and it’s… also really gotten ignored… I just want someone to talk to and share my life with…) gave me a really lackluster 1-sentence reply. Now I just feel dejected. Is it really that bad? :c I spent so much time and effort on it and now I feel stupid.

And I also made a new pinglist for my skins/accents with the new pinglist feature. Then I saw I got a new subscriber to it, and was super excited, so I made a mental note to come check that out later (I was a little busy at the time and I’m forgetful). Then when I did come back to see who it was - my pinglist was empty again. Oh… Uhm okay, that’s alright I guess. But I do wonder if it being obvious to everyone else that there’s nobody in my pinglist influences people to not want to join. I get it. I’m super unpopular and my accents suck I guess. I just kind of feel bad.

I don’t want to say anything on-site because I don’t want to come across as whiny / needy or like a solid red flag to avoid (like “ew they’re so guilt-trippy / manipulative, avoid that with a passion haha yikes” and/or get mass-blocked for being a weirdo), but I can’t help but feel really bummed out. I wish staff would implement it so it’s not obvious who’s super unpopular. They promised they would and then they didn’t actually fix that at all. :c I know they’re making a new update sometime next week, but would it be that hard for them to hide the number of subscribers right now? Please?

I’m… just feeling really down / sad. Life’s been really sucky for me lately, so maybe that’s contributing to me feeling so bummed out (I’m sorry if I’m making a big deal out of nothing/overreacting or something). I’m also sorry for this textwall. (I’m autistic and bad at being concise and I know I’m super annoying and rambly about everything.)

Uhm- anyways. Hope you all are having a good day saltminers! Sorry for this stupid submission; nobody has to read this or anything. I wish everyone luck on their own projects, whatever that might be, whatever form it takes! <3 Here’s to hoping that life is treating you all well! (Also please remember to hydrate if you haven’t lately! ;w;…)

[mcfiddlestan]

Y’all can ignore this post. I’m kind of just purging thoughts.

So I finally got my insurance/doctor situation managed. I saw a doctor in late February and, ofc, they ordered a bunch of other appts for me bc I haven’t been checked out by a doctor — aside from injuries — for more than a decade. So I have/had appts scheduled for a Pap smear (my first, so that was a yikes day), mammogram (not looking forward to this), an EKG to check where my heart murmur is at and if I still need to medicate before seeing the dentist. I had to do this when I was a kid. Six pills of whatever meds before and four more after. Bc apparently whatever they use at the dentist, even for a regular cleaning, can kill me bc of my heart murmur (I was born with a small hole in my heart.) And after the Pap smear, I now have a pelvic ultrasound scheduled bc I have super painful cramps on one side that the NP wants to check out.

Anyway, part of the first exam was a mental health check, and I guess some of my answers sent up a red flag. Right away that day, the doc prescribed me anxiety meds. A month’s worth. When I had a week’s amount left, I called for a refill but I have to have a follow up before I can get it. (After this I can get refills with no issues.) I also started weekly sessions with a therapist which have been AMAZING. Just getting out of the house for a couple hours (I’m a stay at home caregiver for my dad — and my mom before she passed) and talking to someone who’s putting my needs and mental health first is kind of awesome. Anyway, I ran out of my meds a week and a half ago and don’t have the follow up until the 19th. Last week I was fine. Didn’t feel any different. This week tho… hoo boy. 😮‍💨

On Monday my sister gifted me and my brother a gorgeous 5x7 frame of a collage of family pix. So I look at that whenever I miss my Mom. But it seemed to trigger something in me. Stressed and on edge the next couple days it hit me bad on Thursday. Tv shows with storylines featuring a lost parent kept setting me off. I sobbed like four times off and on all day. When I recalled my day to my sister that night, my dad was just sitting there and snickering here and there. I ignored him bc it’s something he’s done a lot. Today, he and I didn’t interact all day, until dinner time. And he copped an attitude right away — he did it again like ten minutes later with my brother and a yelling match ensued. Immediately I was on edge. Then a stupid thing set me off and I had to leave the dinner table. I’ve been in my bedroom for almost an hour sobbing.

All this word vomit to say, my anxiety meds have worked wonders and I need the 19th to hurry up and come.