#mention of panic room

[yellowocaballero]

man, reading ch3 was a ride, it's like all fun and jokes and then all of sudden, Nope! It's time to be sad now! but it's so good with it? like, I really enjoyed how seriously you took it, and that moment in the classroom was really like 'oh shit this is legit' in a way that had my heart just sinking in my chest and with the tone whiplash from the rest of the fic so far, it was just literally so good to read. also, seeing byleth and the rest of the class just kinda grapple with wth to do with dimitri while he's deep in this episode is just very interesting, especially when they all have their own hangups and issues with everything. 👍

YESSSSS. I'm always so excited to post the moment the story actually kicks into gear, and this chapter was it for Weekenders. A lot of fun.

I wrote a post a while back about people's discomfort with writing severe mental illness,

and while I wouldn't say Weekenders is a spite fic, it was influenced by how difficult it was to find non-modern AU fic that wrote Dimitri specifically as somebody on the schizophrenia spectrum/bipolar.

It was so hit-me-over-the-head obvious while I was playing! His entire personality and behavior flipped on a DIME in Part 1, and it flipped 'back' in Part 2. He couldn't switch topics, he was ranting incoherently, he was having headaches, he was doing nothing but training, he obviously wasn't sleeping or grooming, he was convinced a 12yo had orchestrated an assasination - that's not depression/anxiety/PTSD, and it's not even just a psychotic episode (mania does have elements of psychosis, hence the paranoid delusions). And, obviously, the actual hallucinations, delusions, antisocialness, lack of grooming, impulsivity, etc, of Part 2 that rang very loudly of a schizophrenic/schizoaffective psychotic break.

But equally important is the fact that Dimitri's illness did not make him hateful and homicidal. Dimitri was always a hateful person. I don't think he's naturally hateful nearly to the degree that he shows while having an episode, but one of the most important lines in the BL route is when Dedue just says that Dimitri was always angry and hateful, and that he just hid it. His behavior in late Part 1/part 2 is him losing all capability to hide it. I don't think he's a pathological liar, and I don't think the Dimitri we see throughout Part 1 is 'fake' - I just think he withholds a lot. Dimitri's cruelty is just as important as his generosity. His hatred is as important as his empathy. The horrible sides of his illness are just as important as the comfortable sides. Do you see what I mean?

That is what interests me about Dimitri so much. Dimitri wants to be Marth. Dimitri tries to be Chrom. Dimitri dresses up like Roy. He is not. He is an angry, paranoid, brutal murderer. Any depiction of Dimitri that forgets that - that unironically only protrays the Dimitri that he shows the world and never the sides of him that he's ashamed of - is kinda buying what he's selling, and it both demonstrates a deep disinterest in who he is and a discomfort with the sides of his illness that aren't palatable.

Dimitri's psychosis did not make him hateful (I think his PTSD had a lot more to do with his anger problems). It made him scared. Mania and psychosis are a very, very scary experience. His mind is constantly telling him that he's in danger, that Byleth's in danger, that everybody and everything around him wants to hurt and kill him, that he is a sinner if he doesn't avenge his dead family. And Dimitri is a good child soldier, and he knows that we destroy our enemies with prejudice. He's a good leader, and he knows that the BL are never safe and that their enemies are everywhere. He's a good son, and he knows that you have to avenge them. Violence solves problems and Dimitri is scared and angry and if he doesn't solve the problem he can't protect the woman and people he loves.

This is serious to me! I'm trying not to make this THAT long but I could go ooooon lol. I understanding wanting to either make him realistically/explicitly schizophrenic OR make him violent, because violent schizophrenics are a bad and harmful stereotype. But I think both sides of him are important, because I don't want to whitewash Dimitri's illness or his experiences. It's scary for the people around you. It very frequenty is triggered from trauma and hardship and it is informed by your life. Like many characters in FE3H, Dimitri is the product of the evils of his world.

Byleth's arc in this story is about her growing into a human being. It is shown as a beautiful thing. It is wonderful to be a person. It would contradict the message of the story to show Dimitri as anything else but a human being - flaws, traumas, SMI and all. He was Marth to her. That's the point.

I went on for soooo long lol but thanks for the ask!

[treacherousrift]

It’s so interesting to me how Bobby parents the boys even at their big ages. And how intertwined supernatural things are in the relationship with Bobby and the boys. Like remember Bobby locking Sam in his basement after Sam tried to kill him and then he just went “don’t worry son it’ll be great, I know you’re scared about your soul being shoved into your body” like he was encouraging him to do his best at a soccer tournament or something. Except it’s sam, and his ‘issue of the year’. And then he immediately forgave sam after he got his soul back. Like Bobby was so great so great. And this is so sad

[flovverworks]

if being complimented puts u in a good mood & itd be nice if u cooperated akira will not hesitate

[sereniv]

I saved a daddy long legs!

i was scared and (i know dont @ me) was considering spraying him because I still fear spiders and spider-look-a-likes

up until past few years ive been working really hard on figuring out how to save them rather than kill bc ofc, it doesnt align with my views to kill them

normally i let my dog eat them to justify it- ironically, bc "im not killing them, my dog is"

but he was in one place, not moving and i was on the toilet, so i took the time to read up about him.

i named him, forced myself to, and to call him cute, so that it would make it harder for me to go through with killing him

i tried to imagine him being curious, or scared, or relaxing. Though i know most likely they arent capable of it in a way we can understand, it still helped me see him as no different than my dog or cat or me, rather than "just a bug' or some type of 'scary thing'

and in the end i saved him! container and a folder.

i still was scared, but seeing the (idk another word) humanity in him, the value he has and that he has for himself as a living being, helped make it possible to save him

its still really hard, and on occasion i do end up killing spiders or having my dog eat them when its quick scenarios where i dont have time to think it through

but compared to years ago ive gone from saving 0 to maybe 80%

and this is one of those moments where, its not exactly possible for me to push myself because it can undo all the work ive done. and thats ok.

this is the best i can do right now and im proud of myself.

my best, is not how i imagine my best being. in my mind, i could push myself harder but thats not practical.

doing your best is strategic.

im just so glad i didnt kill him. reading about him, learning about him, appreciating his role, and labeling him cute and giving him a name helped a lot

and sometimes, anthropomorphizing animals can be beneficial. i know he doesnt feel fear and curiosity like i do, but if it means not unnecessarily taking a life, then he does to me in that moment

[martyrsam]

(4x19 jump the shark)

(4x21 when the levee breaks)

[staliaz]

one thing about stalia is they have the most scenes together, meaningful and beautiful (romantically wise) so we are never gonna run out if scenes to edit bc there are always so many and i notice editors don’t use a lot more i love as well like they’re just soulmates ong.

[sunmontuewrites]

Ugh... Max just reminded me he has a shared lunch on Thursday, as well as his secret Santa, for which he needs to make something.

We have a hockey game tomorrow night, and their school formal/dance/ball on Wednesday night and we're just tidying up from dinner tonight so we can go to jiu-jitsu...

[multishipper-baby]

Having more AU and eakwynn brainrot, as expected.

[byeler]

Wouldn't the Byers have to be religious, specifically non-Jewish, too, first to explore that? All of the main families seem to be secular thus far. I think the rifts being torn open are what pushed Hawkins towards religion for easy answers and scapegoats, but The Duffers haven't touched on it otherwise, not even as a drive behind the violent homophobia in ST1. It seems they've pointedly avoided that part of small town life even.

we know the byers have been raised christian to some extent, as we see them celebrating christmas at the end of s1 (though i did make a mention that joyce doesn’t attend church with them, as i do like to hc her as jewish). and honestly, even if the byers themselves aren’t particularly religious, if we take the idea of a midwestern small town in the 80s at face value, we really can’t underestimate the importance that religion would have played in their daily lives. i know the duffers have chosen not to explore this or really make any note of it at all, aside from brief mentions in s4, but the church would likely have a big impact on the culture of hawkins.

while i was raised with religion, none of the adults in my life ever cared about “using the lord’s name in vain”. i can’t remember an adult ever admonishing me for it. however, i remember being told multiple times by my peers whenever i said “oh my god”, because it’s something they were punished for and it was normal for them to hear this. my community wasn’t overtly religious, and that mainly petered out by middle school, but it was incredibly common for someone at the lunch table to say something snappy that they’d learned from their parents or religious leaders. in a much more insular town and time, i’d imagine it would be even more pervasive. even though i don’t think the byers would be particularly religious, the community itself would be able to provide enough of a foundation for that line of reasoning, i do think it would be easy for will to fall back on divine punishment as some sort of explanation for his suffering

overall it’s clear the duffers never wanted to really touch on this topic, and did their best to avoid it until it really wasn’t possibly come s4. i definitely don’t think they should do a complete tonal shift in order to suddenly address it in the last season, i just think there’s a lot of really interesting things surrounding it, and wish we could’ve done some more with it

[denkies]

My mom woke me up at 2am to say "I just want to let you know that I'm not crazy, but I am the bride of Christ and he needs you to take him more seriously." and no one is hiring me, so I can't afford to move out of this wackass fucking house!!! Bro I hate it here!!!

[froggoblin8911]

Advice

my boyfriend had a panic attack yesterday and he yelled and screamed at me and told me he was going to drive off a bridge and end his self. He said some really messed up stuff about if I was going to break up with him now or later, as well as I asked him why he was doing this he said because of you, and I followed it up by saying im sorry I make you want to end yourself and he just said yep. he quickly followed it by that not what he meant, but idk. he was also driving very recklessly and banging on the steering wheel during all this.

is a panic attack an okay excuse for lack of better wording? Im not sure I've never had outward panic attacks mine have always been inward, so im just curious if this behavior is okay or is it manipulative and abusive?

[consulaaris]

the score for my LSAT retake comes out tomorrow and i’m not having a funky fresh time lol :o)

[philcollinsenjoyer]

Top five horror movies?

ooooooooh good one okay this is going to be a way different answer than before october cause i watched a bunch of them then 🤔🤔🤔

1. saw you can't mess with the classics obviously

2. the thing instant classic immediately i was floored by how good it was

3. rosemary's baby with all the disclaimers that come with its fucking director

4. psycho the worst thing about hitchcock is that he is actually good despite all the people saying he's good

5. scream i love you classic. sorry for being predictable

now horror FRANCHISES... its a different story 🤔 cause itd go final destination saw scream

[kdd-works]

Me, full-body shaking, on the verge of a panic attack, brandishing a broken broom handle to try and kill a spider: Don't fuck with me! I'm a badass! I'll tear you the fuck apart you arachnid shit—

[goryh0le]

🧿 for Audrey

Show me fucking something. Anything.

Anything that tells me you won't crack at a critical moment (again).

[heirofnepeta]

OUGH MY EMOTIONS

TOO MANY FOR ONE DAY

AGH

<3