#mind that I have had an extremely long day so it may just be fatigue

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hey I’m the anon that asked if you write for Tekken 👉🏻👈🏻 I always like the grumpy x sunshine trope, and I was wondering if you can write headcanons for Kazuya with an s/o like that? Very soft, sweet, affectionate, I feel in a way it would also be funny 😆

Idk if this is what you wanted but I have it my best shot. 🦦

Not me back on my Brutus and Pixie agenda (seriously it’s my favourite thing to reference at this point.)

All I’m going to say is; it’s not easy showing kindness to a man who had been so vastly removed from it from a young age, and the only memory he has of experiencing such kindness was from his mother; which in of itself was merely candlelight in comparison to the suffocating darkness.

So needless to say if you keep at it, not showing agitation or anger towards his inability to see your acts of kindness towards him as just that; pure acts of kindness. Then Kazuya will slowly -baby steps mind you, extremely small baby steps- begin to believe it to some extent.

Everyday is an uphill battle but you were willing to fight it forever without ever showing an ounce of fatigue if it meant earning Kazuya’s trust. Something that he one day noticed and will- in his own unique way- show his gratitude for sticking by him for as long as you have.

Let’s hypothetically say he came back injured, you naturally wanted to help him but much like showing affection or acknowledging how he felt towards you, he will have those walls up again faster then you could blink. It’s just natural for him this way to never pay any mind to the ‘weaker’ side to himself and reject any and all notions that could possibly end up in him becoming ‘soft’ and ‘pliable’ for those who might have it out for him.

So imagine the feeling of achievement you’d get the moment Kazuya let’s you tend to his wounds, listening silently as he slowly began to open up to you, even if it was a little bit, it was still something to celebrate for the both of you; especially when going forward into this relationship where you’d gradually bear your entire heart to the other, letting them see the most vulnerable parts of yourselves and silently praying that the other doesn’t destroy you with it in the future…

And imagine how nice it was to be hugged by a pair of strong arms, held against a firm chest by powerful hands and just finding yourself melting into him…smiling softly at the fact that Kazuya wanted to hold you out of his own accord. Feeling protected from any and all harm that could come your way. It was enough to make you want to cry but instead you smiled brightly and told him how utterly proud you were of him for taking the first step, for taking a chance on something he was once so vividly against.

This man looks like he’s never be told that someone was proud of him ever in his life. So hearing someone who had nothing but the most wholesome of intentions with him say it? He’s not going to know how to react, but from the way his grip on you would tighten slightly told you more than enough as you reminded yourself to keep reminding him how proud you were.

Is it a stretch to say that he would be protective? Especially towards the person who had shown him their truest self and shown him how being in love and being loved don’t inherently make you weak or lesser than, boldly proving him -a man dead set in his ways- wrong on several occasions and him not feeling an ounce of anger but instead a weird sense of relief? So Kazuya will want to keep you away from the shadier side of things in the instance that he might not always be there to ward away unwanted attention.

He may not say it aloud but then again why would he when his actions were loud enough for you to understand their intentions, no matter how few and far between they might be but at least you knew that he would stand by you and keep you protected by any means necessary.

He just has a fear of loosing the one good thing in his life because of who he was; For if he were to loose you then everything he originally believed would then become truth, that it would become reality.

The fact that you were both opposites would be made apparent in everything that you did but that’s what made your relationship work when in any other circumstances it probably wouldn’t. However it only made your appreciation of the other stronger than before.

It’s not perfect, not that I’m saying it ever was, but ultimately the hardships are what made you treasure your relationship with the grumpy man even more. You didn’t try to change or ‘fix’ him because that was not your job, you’re not fixer and you knew that as much as he did and instead you -with your unwavering kindness and gentleness- had let him taken his time with getting to a level of comfortability with you where he knew he could relax beneath your touch instead of flinching away.

You soothed his scarred heart whilst also loving it unconditionally without feeling the need to change it to fit your fantasy.

[thestarfishinjootsoffice]

Hello! I was wonder if you could do Slasher headcannons with a S/O who struggles with Anxiety? If not that's alright!

Now I don't have an anxiety disorder so im doing research and I'm not sure it's you're talking about an anxiety disorder or just dealing with getting anxious but I'll make it the first one.

I tried to make this more serious but I failed

Slashers with reader who struggles with anxiety!

Michael

He may notice you seem extremely stressed about things, whether small or big and he doesn't understand it I mean if you're away from him then yeah he gets pretty nervous but about somethings like dates and schedules to the point it messes up in your daily life? Why?

But tries to comfort you. If he sees you fatigued then he'll usher you into bed, if you can't sleep then he'll just lay down next to you until you do which I'm unsure how long it'll take but he's quite the patient man, if he's in his younger days that is.

If you start crying because of it or get a panic attack and come to him he'll sit and let you cry on him and may have a hand on your hand, head or back while at it. He wants you to get help despite his strong dislike for you being away from him he sucks it up. But at the same time he also doesn't, because look like happened when he was with Loomis, he was supposed to help him and look how he turned out.

But he'll suck it up. If he notices if your mental health is getting worse when you are "getting treated" He'll just find and kill whoever is in charge of you.

Sinclair brothers

Bo has a hard shell yes but inside his heart is bouncing all over the place of worry. He may have had his fair share of panic attacks and it's horrible. He hopes there's something he can do to help. He listens to whatever problem you may be having and comforts you with what things you may like. He also tries not to lose his temper or yell around or at you. Which may be hard since he's angry 90% of the time but anything to help your anxiety reduce at least just a bit. He has magical hands that can and will remove anything that stresses you out and magical hands that will make you forget what stresses you out... He'll cuddle the shit out of you behind closed doors with many affections and kisses. Or just warm and gentle holding. You choose he'll do it. 🫶

Vincent is probably the most understanding, his worries and anxiety attacks when he imagines someone seeing him without his mask or when he can't find it. He doesn't know what much he can do since he's very awkward and and can't speak and is just '🧍' but he can listen and hold you however you'd like. If you want to touch and play with his hair then please do so, if you want to do a little a wax sculpting you're more than allowed. You're both doing wax sculptures to take your little mind off things, but if you start worrying if it's going to look good or not then he just "✋". If it's work then he'll bring you drinks and food of your choice and signals you to take a break. If your boss keeps pushing you to the point you break down then uh... Hey why did your boss go missing suddenly?

Lester the most carefree and happy though seen what it does to his brothers and hates it that it also happens to you. Very very sad. He takes you out on walks and Or driving around. Literally just holds you if he notices you being too nervous. And just the most sweetest soft kisses and affirmations that everything will be alright and you don't have to worry about anything because he'll be helping you through it all. Just soft cuddling as your pour your feelings out to him. He doesn't want you to feel alone and he won't make you feel alone. Snacks and drinks and heavy blankets and anything else that might help you for the time being. If there's someone or something that stresses you out too much they're either gone or oh look it looks like there's a hand popping out of the pile of roadkill! Anyways let's play with jonesy.

Bonus: jonesy! She just knows when you're feeling anxious before you do. plays with you, lets you pet her, kisses you. Just lays around you. Loves going on calming road trips with Lester so you're going too if you want to that is. If you're worried about your looks or something she'll just bite or bark at whoever gives you the looks or talks bad about you. She'll never let you feel bad she's your best friend 🫰🫵

Hannibal

He noticed this when you were first appointed, it's okay nothing special so did many of his previous patience but your case is really severe and you don't seem to get better. That's alright. There isn't always immediate changes it takes time. But no matter how much he gives time Or uses his techniques you don't seem to get better. This bothers him. And eventually he finds himself attached to you, like really attached and not just your disorder but for who you are. So now he is no longer Dr lecter. He's your best friend (boyfriend?) hannibal. Isn't that illegal? No because he's no longer your therapist and you're not longer his patient. How does that make sense? Don't ask anymore further questions.

He can read you like a book and he'll bring all your necessities you need when you start feeling really tense. During the attacks he'll rub your back while he holds a glass of cold water to your mouth while telling you it's okay. It also stresses him tf out. If you start becoming distant or get irritated more than usual he prepare something nice for you like food or a very pleasant warm bath and he assures you that he'll be there to help you. He'll make a healthy schedule for you and make you start looking after yourself, though he wonders if you're gonna leave him if you start finally getting better.

There may come a time where you are in a corner and uncontrollably crying and hannibal is just across the room staring at you as he calls will and says "Will, Will they won't stop crying what do I do." He knows what to do but is too afraid to do anything.

Billy and stu

It's really chaotic.

You may be on the ground and stu is just screaming and aggressively searching on his phone on what to do while Billy is shakily holding a glass of water and just says

"I heard water helps... You want water...?"

You're practically going to be sandwiched between them when it's cuddling time. And god forbid anyone makes you anxious and cry because they're gonna be on the news report later.

At least one of them is always going to be on your side incase anything distraughts you and there's gonna be no one there to help you ease down. Stu will be there to make jokes to help you feel lighter and Billy is just uh Billy. You three will maybe watch a movie or two and go on fun or relaxing outings. No person or something will make their s/o feel anything negative.

[queenofbaws]

heyyyy queenie!! how about some 🌤️ and ☔ from that ask meme :]]] hopin that fatigue dont get you too down 🫡

🌤️Share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP.

DON'T MIND IF I DOOOOO!!! since i already went and gave a lil' piece from my ashley-centric creeps fic in the works.........how about one from my josh-centric creeps fic? ;)c

“Wait…wait, wait, wait, hold on. I feel like I’m missing something here.” Sam put her boot up on the fountain, using her thigh to balance her script as she flipped through it. “Why was this place abandoned?” She waited for a beat, and when none of them said anything, she looked up again. “…um. Hello?” Lips pursed tight, Ashley seemed to wring her brain for anything even resembling a theory before coming up blank in the end. “No one really…knows?” “...I’m sorry. Repeat that, please?” “No one really knows?” “That’s what makes it ghastly and mysterious and, uh…” “Sexy.” “Bro. I don’t think ‘sexy’ is even close to the right word.” “I do.” Assuming his usual panache, Josh threw his arms into the air. If he couldn’t appeal to Sam’s sense of reason, maybe he still had a shot charming her past her doubts. It’d worked before—hell, she was dating him, wasn’t she? “Lots of reasons this shit happened in the old days, Sammy. Lots. Usually it came down to funding, like Mr. and Mrs. Moneybags, the oh-so-generous and independently wealthy donors kicked it and left all their money to their cats. Or they realized their cash was essentially being funneled into the docs’ pockets, so they bailed. But I mean, it was the 50’s! Maybe they lost interest in TB, maybe they got real interested in the Cold War, maybe—” “Oh God.” The dip in Ashley’s voice told him this was really going to be a long day. “What if there was some kind of outbreak? What if it killed everyone and the building just got shut down for safety reasons?! If they didn’t want people going in, they just wouldn’t report anything…they’d hope everyone would…I don’t know, forget. I…how long does TB last outside of a body?!” Sam swiveled her head towards him, her eyebrows high. “An outbreak.” Josh repeated. “Of tuberculosis. That killed everyone. Overnight.” Chris gasped. “Super TB.” He was not helping.

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

too many 😫 i actually have VERY VAGUE outlines done currently for a few.................so. years ago now (lol, hate that), i wrote a lil' anthology sort of fic called the not-quite-midnight-society +1, where the ud kids told scary stories to each other around a campfire. some people may have noticed that i identified that fic as being part of a series on ao3, but it's the only fic IN that series.

that is because i have. several more. lined up. they're just still very, very, VERY much in the planning stages currently alskdjfskljdf i am very hopeful i WILL write them, i am very excited for the prospect OF writing them, but right now my wip list is so crazy, man 🥲 what i'll say for the time being is i have one planned for the hacketteers and one planned for the extremely unfortunate participants of a creative writing class field trip 🤔

[spectrumsistersblog]

Spectrum Sister here (if you hadn’t already guessed) and I’m ready to open up my mind an put all things Autistic, ADHD, mental illness and chronic illness OUT THERE!

That’s right, I am an Autistic ADHD’er with mental health issues, Fibromyalgia and Joint hyper mobility syndrome. My disabilities are as invisible as they get, but I’m here to MAKE you see them for what they are. The good, the bad and the extremely uncomfortably UGLY!

Now firstly, Let me introduce myself a little bit more formally before I start, my name is JD, I’m 35yrs old, born and raised south Londoner who is also a single mother to a gorgeous 11yr old boy. I was late diagnosed ADHD at the age of 34 and Autistic at the age of 35 and due to the lateness of my diagnoses I’m sure you can imagine my life has been a bit of a BLEEPING mess, hence the development of mental health issues in my teens that I’ve carried with me ever since.

Saying all this, Im not one to throw a pity party, so let’s get that out the way. I’m here to tell it how it is, straight forward with honesty and facts. The doom and gloom, but also the funny and quirky side of life too, because you can’t get one without the other. To truly embrace and appreciate happiness, one must also know the feeling of true sadness. So I’m here to feed you it all, in true Virgo style ♍️

Just to get you up to speed I’ll explain a little about each condition I have been diagnosed with:

Autism

Autism is a spectrum condition which effects people in different ways. It effects our social interaction and communication skills, can inflict repetitive and restrictive behaviours, cause over OR under sensitivity to light, sound, taste or touch, can cause extreme anxiety, melt downs and shutdowns and also highly focused interests and hobbies.

ADHD

ADHD is a disorder which affects peoples behaviour. People with ADHD have issues with executive functioning, concentration & focus, and also impulse control. There is ALOT more to it and I intend to go into more detail in future blogs.

EUPD

EUPD – Emotionally unstable personality disorder (formerly known as Borderline personality disorder) is a mental health condition that affects how you think, feel and interact with others. One major symptom the sufferer experiences is being emotionally unstable. Intense emotions, ranging from highs to lows, which can change rapidly throughout a single day.

FIBROMYALGIA

Fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS) – Fibromyalgia is a chronic (long term) condition that causes pain all over the body. As well as the widespread pain it also causes increased sensitivity to touch and pain, muscle stiffness, insomnia & Fatigue, issues with mental processing and concentration (fibro fog), irritable bowel syndrome, headaches and depression.

JOINT HYPERMOBILITY

Joint hypermobility syndrome – JHS is where your joints are extra flexible and move beyond the range that they are suppose to. This causes pain, stiffness and unstable joints. The joints and the tissue within in them are loose because they are weak. This also means increased danger of seriously injuring, spraining or dislocating your joints.

And there you have it, my wonderful array of chronic conditions and disabilities 😃

Now I do intend to go into a lot more detail in future posts and blogs, so look out for those if you want to learn more about each condition, purely for educational purposes or wether you may think you have one of them yourself.

For my fellow Spectrum family and Fibro Family, you may know an awful lot about these conditions already, so I definitely will have posts coming that I’m sure you will be able to relate to.

If you made this far then I greatly appreciate you…..also heres little embarrassing golden nugget of information for you, I was finishing this post off on the toilet, however my lower legs went numb and as I went to stand up I nearly face planted the door because I couldn’t feel my legs. I then had to grab my toilet frame (mobility aid) and drop myself back onto the toilet seat and wait here for a good 5 minutes until the feeling came back to my legs and feet 😩😂 Oh what a life eh! At least you weren’t all here to see it, that I am greatful for haha!

Anyways, got to love you and leave you (anyone else’s aunties use to say this every time they left your house?) and until next time, keep my legs in your prayers.

Air kisses

Your Spectrum Sister 🪩

[kamaribvb]

Talia's Suffering Chapter Two:

In Which A Suspicious Letter Arrives, and Subsequently Y/n is Kidnapped by A Wizard

Member pairing: Y/n x Yoongi;

Genre: fantasy, fluff, adventure, angst;

Rating: PG-13;

Trigger warnings: descriptions of how a human trafficking organization that victimized Y/n prior to the start of the story works.

Word count: 2,909;

Summary: Y/n calls an old friend to babysit Talia the following day, and subsequently finds a fraudulent letter that raises suspicions about who is responsible for Talia's condition. The friend arrives a few hours later, at which point Y/n learns something about Talia that changes her mind about Aiden. Indeed, she demands that he come right that very second, and Aiden examines Talia then subsequently kidnaps Y/n.

After the phone call, Y/n began to gather all the scales that had fallen off of Talia since she had gotten sick.

“Wait, Yoongi, who will watch Talia while we are gone?”

“I don’t anticipate we’ll be gone for long, so maybe I could ask your older sister Adele to watch Talia.”

The storm had long since ended, so faint light was streaming through the entrance to the cave. Nevertheless, Y/n did not feel much different than she did while it was storming heavily. “No, I don’t believe that’s a wise idea since Talia has a tendency to be a little testy when unfamiliar people are in her cave even in the best of circumstances, but I’ve never seen her seem so sick. So the babysitter that would be least problematic would be a person who she’s familiar with and is trustworthy enough to speak up if something changes. The problem is that no one is coming to mind, so maybe it was a mistake to tell Adrian that both of us were coming.”

“You could ask Aileen,” he suggested as he helped Y/n gather the scales into a large bucket with a handle.

Consequently, Y/n paused, but still responded, “Yeah, I agree, she would probably be the best person, since she accompanied us on the majority of my missions back in the day. But I already know the first complaint she’ll have will be about how dirty this cave is, so would you please grab the broom from the house while I call her?”

Yoongi peeked over at her as his eyes widened a little as he asked, “Was she truly that intolerable?”

But Y/n shook her head as she replied, “Truthfully, I wouldn’t say intolerable, per se, just my polar opposite in numerous ways. We may have driven each other insane during missions with our clashing personalities, but one of the concepts she and I always agreed on is our respect and love for Talia.

With that, Yoongi disappeared into the fog with a nod while Y/n pulled out her cell phone.

“Hello, this is Aileen.”

“Hey, Aileen, its Y/n. Listen, I know it has been a while, but I have an emergency situation on my hands-Talia is extremely sick, so I need a trustworthy, prudent person to keep an eye on her while my partner and I travel to talk to a wizard healer tomorrow.”

“What the-Y/n? What’s wrong with Talia?”

“We don’t know for sure, just that her scales are changing color and falling off, her temperature has been consistently chilly, she’s obviously weak and fatigued, and I can tell she’s only eating to try to keep us from worrying.” At that moment, Y/n needed to be extra conscientious to keep her voice quiet and even to prevent herself from waking up Talia, but her entire body was shaking. “Aileen, I’m worried that she might be dying, and you know that I’ll hate myself for the rest of my life if I don’t try everything to save her, but I can’t just leave her, either.

“Calm down, Y/n, I’m already planning to come help out. In fact, if I’m as familiar with you as I suspect, you haven’t slept since Talia became sick so if it’s acceptable, I’m on my way right now. I’ll be there in a few hours, and once I arrive, why don’t you and Yoongi venture out for a picnic date or something?” she suggested.

“I’ll consider your suggestion once you arrive, but no matter what, I don’t need to hear a single word about how dirty this place is once you come, understand? I’m not in the mood to argue with anyone.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill, Y/n. But just for your information, I will probably clean the entire place myself while I’m there.  I’ll be there soon, Y/n, so try not to lose your mind?”

Y/n sighed. “Just leave the pile of leaves. Talia likes to roll around in them and they are fantastic tools for building campfires on cold nights.”

At that moment, Suga returned to the cave and started sweeping the entire place, but he avoided the leaves as best he could.

“I’ll try. Bye, Aileen.” Y/n hung up. “Thanks for the help, baby. I appreciate that you’re using your super speed for this, even though we both know the wind is will bring dirt in sooner or later anyways.” In fact, as soon as she finished speaking, a strong wind blew additional leaves and dirt in, but the fog had mostly dissipated.

“Of course, jagiya. In fact, why don’t you go bathe and change into something comfortable? I’ll watch Talia.”

The moment Yoongi finished speaking, Y/n smiled faintly as she began to pace a little. On the one hand, a shower and a fresh set of clothes sounded wonderful to her at the moment, as she had only done the bare minimum to maintain her health as of late. But on the other hand, there was a reason she had relied mostly on herself to be Talia’s caretaker as of late. In fact, Y/n and Aileen had raised Talia, so they were both acutely familiar with the little mannerisms Talia used to communicate with people around her. Yoongi, on the other hand, would not know those little signs, and Y/n didn’t know how to teach him.

After a minute, though, he spoke. “Do you need a hug?”

Y/n nodded as she pulled him into a loving embrace while he kissed the top of her head. They stood there silently for a few moments, with only Talia’s shallow breaths and the wind as background music.

“I suggest that you do as I suggested, Y/n. I promise, I’ll call you as soon as Talia wakes up.”

Y/n smiled up at him as she quickly kissed him goodbye. “I’ll be back in a few minutes, babe.”

After she was finished getting ready for the day, Y/n went ahead and checked the mail, and among the pile of junk was a suspicious letter that appeared to be from Aileen, according to the stamped words in the upper left corner. But prior to even opening the letter, Y/n suspected it wasn’t actually from her. First of all, Aileen didn’t communicate via letters if she had the phone number of whoever she was contacting-she used either text messages or phone calls. Consequently, she picked up the letter by one of its corners and began walking back to the entrance of the cave.

She found Yoongi sitting on the ground as he stoked the fire. He stood up to come greet her with a smile.

“My love, I just received this letter, but I doubt it is from Aileen. What can you tell about it?”

Yoongi grabbed the letter and sniffed it. “You are right-Aileen has never handled this; her scent is nowhere on the envelope. Actually, I suspect the person who wrote this wasn’t even human-it smells of vampire, in my opinion. You can open it-I’m sure it isn’t cursed or anything.”

And so Y/n began to read the letter aloud. The majority of the letter was information about Aileen and her kids that Y/n fervently hoped were all lies, since the alternative meant that Aileen had a stalker. But the last paragraph read, “’Listen, I have come across information about a threat to Talia. Can we meet at the Recruiters Tavern soon to discuss it? Please reply with your availability soon so we can talk in person. Thanks. Love, Aileen.’ Ok, so now I know for sure that it actually wasn’t Aileen that wrote this letter- she would have lead with the threat and left everything else out. So, there is an unknown person out there, probably a vampire, who wants to meet up with me, but asked to do so by posing as a friend of mine instead of as him or herself- oh, no.” All at once, the color drained from Y/n’s face as her entire body stiffened, so Yoongi rushed over to support her weight as he asked, “What’s happening, Y/n?”

“I believe that I know who is behind this,” she whispered. “But Aileen is arriving here any minute, so I’ll explain later.” Y/n relaxed a little into Yoongi’s embrace as his grip tightened a little. She shoved the letter in her inner coat pocket right as they both heard a knock against stone at the entrance to the cave.

“Hello?” Aileen’s whisper echoed in the cave, so Yoongi and Y/N both hurried to the entrance, holding hands.

Y/n embraced her friend as she murmured, “You’re a real one for coming so quickly, Aileen. Thank you so much, and you remember Yoongi, right?

She nodded and smiled faintly at him as she embraced her friend back. “Yes, and its refreshing to be here with you both, so I was glad to come, however heartbreaking the reason.” Aileen lead the way back into the cave to check on Talia herself, and similar to Y/n, her gaze became a little blurry at first she closely regarded her family. Meanwhile, Talia awakened and started dragging her tail across the ground in glee as she recognized Aileen.

In response, Aileen leaned her forehead against her nose and gently stroked her face with both hands. “Yeah, I’m so glad to be here with you too, baby, we’re such delinquent owners for allowing so much time to pass in-between our little play dates. How are you feeling-oh, do you need a belly rub?” Aileen asked sweetly as Talia quickly rolled onto her side while she walked around to Talia’s belly to give it a rub.

The sound that came from Aileen’s mouth at that moment is difficult to describe. However, if you imagine the sound that results when you mix a squeal of joy together with a scream of horror, you’ll probably imagine something similar. Regardless, Y/n and Yoongi rushed over to her side to figure out what was wrong, only to realize that what was wrong was about to change absolutely everything. Yoongi was obliged to support Y/n’s weight to keep her from falling, but she was absolutely sobbing the minute Talia’s stomach came into her view.

Talia was pregnant, and this meant that the babies were probably dying, too. Since Y/n could not speak coherently at all, she had the following text conversation with Aiden:

Y/n: Aiden, it’s Y/n, I apologize for the late notice but I need you to come immediately to the cave next to 4070 West Birch Street in Norfolk, Starnia, 34431. Once you are at the front door, look to the west. You’ll notice a path made of marbled stones, so follow it through the forest. Once the forest is behind you, the cave will be dead ahead and please HURRY!

Aiden: Lady, what on earth? I practically needed to pull teeth just to convince you to bring scales to a public place tomorrow, and now you are texting me the address? I charge extra for rush jobs, you know!

Y/n: SOME SICK BASTARD CURSED MY BABY EVEN THOUGH SHE’S PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!

Aiden: I’ll be there in ten minutes, so in the meantime, try to calm down as much as you can.

          As promised, Y/n heard the sound of footsteps a few minutes later as a man wearing a hooded cloak and a belt filled with unfamiliar objects hurried through the entrance. In response, Talia’ rolled over and growled uneasily, but Y/n held up a cautionary hand.

“Easy, Talia baby. This is Adrien, he’s here to save you and your babies so try to tolerate his presence here just this once, alright?”

Once Talia obediently settled down, Adrien examined Talia closely as he asked several questions, which Aileen and Y/n took turns answering. Afterward, he concluded, “Yes, I can definitively say that your friend has been cursed by a particularly malicious and meticulous sorcerer; I can’t tell anything about who they are from the aura the curse gives off. Do you have any idea who is facetious enough to do this?”

“Actually, I do.” Y/n pulled out the letter. “I just received this fraudulent letter today that I was supposed to believe was from Aileen here, but I’m positive it is not. In fact, I’m almost certain it comes from one of the vampires of the organization I was kidnapped by, the Devil’s Brigade.

In an instant, Adrien did a double take, and subsequently seized Y/n by the wrist to teleport her away to an unknown location. It happened so quickly that neither Yoongi nor Aileen even had time to protest, but Y/n sure did.

“Shut up, woman, I had no choice but to leave with you, it is obvious that our enemies know you live there. If you stop screaming, I’ll explain-no, don’t bite, I told you I’m on your side! Do you wish to be tied up and gagged, if so, continue, I will absolutely do it here and now!”

After much struggle, Adrien finally managed to wrestle Y/n against a wall as he snarled, “LISTEN!”

Y/n grew quiet.

“I’m actually head officer of the vampire department of a secret organization called the Quintessential Protection Squad, which is a secret organization that regulates the interactions between humans and the supernatural. Our purpose is to protect humans, and it just so happens that The Devil’s Brigade is our biggest enemy. So congratulations, sweetheart, you just won the wizard companion lottery until they are eliminated.”

“Release me right the fuck now! And why the drama? Why did you need to separate me from Yoongi and Aileen and Talia? I hate worrying them-“

Adrien examined his nails as he responded, “Not my problem, sweetheart. My job is to keep you safe, but your happiness or lack thereof or anyone else’s isn’t part of my job description. Besides, I figured a reunion would provide fantastic motivation to tell me everything you know, so start talking.”

Y/n glowered at him as she lunged for his cell phone, but at the last minute, he pulled his leg back out of reach. “I don’t need an incentive; I was already planning to tell you everything before I was rudely kidnapped! At least tell Yoongi what’s happening!“ “No can do, sweetheart-“

“And if you call me a condescending nickname again-“

“Consider your separation payback for making my ears bleed, Y/n”, he snapped as he massaged the side of his head. “Just tell me your story, and start with how you first became involved with the Devil’s Brigade.”

Y/n glared at him incessantly as she replied through gritted teeth, “That was back in high school. One day, our history teacher assigned a classmate named Astaroth and I a group project. We agreed to meet up at his place after school to work on the project, but neither of us ever even touched our history books. Instead, once I was at his house, he basically kidnapped me and took me to their headquarters.”

“And what was it like for you to be there?” “Oh, sunshine and rainbows, truly,” Y/n said sarcastically. “Adrien, it’s a human trafficking organization filled with misogynistic, bloodthirsty, malicious vampires. How do you imagine I was treated?”

“Just say everything you know.”

“Yes, I would love to talk to my kidnapper about my trauma while pinned against a cold wall away from my sick baby, partner, and lover.

In response, Adrien loosened his grip a little, but still kept her firmly in place. “How did it work?”

“Okay, so basically, each human that was kidnapped would be sold at a top-secret auction to the highest bidding member of the organization. After the victim was bought, she would be required to spend all her free time with her master in one of numerous villa’s located around the headquarters. At that point, the vampire could basically do whatever they wanted to her when they weren’t at school and/or work to prevent anyone from getting suspicious. Including give the victim a new name to answer to while they were with anyone in the organization. Oh, we were allowed to leave, but only for the reason that our disappearance would raise suspicions.”

“That explains why it has been so difficult to track down victims,” Adrien breathed. “Continue.”

“But my slave trader-his name was Alistair-was unique from the others, in that he allowed his victims to buy their way to freedom. The price he would charge for that was obscene-something along the lines of a quarter of a million dollars-but somehow, I managed it eventually. Once I paid him his money, he lied to the other traders and Astaroth by telling them he accidentally forced his slave to bleed to death. After that, escaping was as simple as walking through the front door in broad daylight.

“So these slave traders would force victims to spend their free time at their assigned villas with their assigned vampire?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember where the headquarters is?”

“Of course. Why do you think they are after me?”

“Well darlin, you have supplied enough pertinent information to earn a reunion,” he drawled as he snapped his fingers. And all at once, Aileen, Talia, and Suga appeared. Fortunately, the room Aiden had taken her to was gargantuan enough to fit all of them with room to spare.

A second later, Yoongi punched Aiden forcefully enough to knock him out temporarily, but not to break any bones. Y/n grinned as he pulled her tenderly into an embrace.

“I’m home, jagiya.”

Y/n smiled up at him. “Welcome home, gorgeous.”

[transannabeth]

would you mind if i ask how you have the energy to do all you do? you stream games, do art, run and participate in zines, go to cons, podcast, and work irl??? (i think i may have missed a few there lol) where do you find the energy to learn all these things, and make time for for all these things? i can barely think at the end of the day, let alone learn new things lmao

i got this the other day while i was freaking out about deadlines which honestly makes it so funny. because one of those deadlines was a button that says 'no spoons' on it

so like a very important part of this answer is that i just started working full time, and before that, i was an online college student—even before the pandemic. i spent most of my college experience doing online schooling which genuinely left me a lot more time because i wasn't commuting or walking to class

my workload is shifting because i now work a 9-5(:30), but i have a hybrid job where i'm in-office one day a week. it's a long commute, but i only have to do it once

on top of THAT, i'm incredibly privileged to live at home with my parents, and they don't require me to pay bills or rent, so i can focus on student loans and personal bills / payments

those things have given me a LOT more free time than most people have. but you'll also notice that i post way less writing than i did in high school and my first year of college. that's because i don't have enough energy to keep that up

i procrastinate pretty hardcore, which all my friends will tell you, and i absolutely overwork and overload myself. i don't really "take breaks" from things, but when i do, i crash hard. (you'll sometimes see me talking about extreme fatigue and vertigo.. yeah....) i always need to be doing the most, which is how i ended up doing so many zines—if projects are at a slow point, i'll feel like i'm not doing enough and sign up for a ton of stuff to feel something and then have 8 deadlines at once and panic

(in that regard, i'm very lucky to have worked with many understanding teams that give me generous extensions)

and yet i STILL spend a lot of time lying around doing nothing, and struggling to get things done. i put off a lot of more important things sometimes (self-care, sleep, cleaning) to mostly do nothing

how do i get things done? deadlines stare me in the face and i panic

i am trying to get better about this, but the fact is i deal with a weird combination of needing so many things to be happening or i get even more depressed, but also relatively common fatigue that makes it a struggle to do anything so

i wish i had a better answer for you, but it's genuinely a struggle day to day to get things done and i've had to sacrifice other things i want to be doing so i can follow through on my other responsibilities (you'll notice i haven't talked a ton about original writing lately......)

most of my motivation is anxiety induced, even though these are things i really enjoy doing. the podcast and streaming are generally really nice because i am forced to slow down for a bit and get to hang out with friends. but you'll notice they're delayed in uploads and vods because i hate doing that part

this answer makes no sense because i don't know how i do it and i do not think i'm doing it well. but you're not alone in being unable to think, that's for sure

[daysfullofdreams]

Can we just be honest and say that she truly hasn’t had a highly interesting, fun, creative, or exciting tour since like 1989? Or are we still pretending that the Rep Tour was good and that 40+ songs every night isn’t gonna burn her out of touring permanently by the end of the Eras tour?

I looooooooove to be a hater and complain on main so let's go there! honestly I do not remember rep tour super well....but maybe that sort of speaks for itself. rep tour's biggest thing going for it in my memory is that it made me like so much more of that album than I did before I stepped foot into the stadium. so major win there for ms swift.

I do think 1989 was the last time she really got creative in terms of how the songs were arranged (IKYWT and WANEGBT are the standouts from that tour, but we can't forget about Love Story and the Wildest Dreams/Enchanted mashup) which is one of the aspects of her tours I look forward to the most. And when you literally have a tour called THE ERAS TOUR with the express intention of honouring your career and work so far.....how do you not capitalize on your extremely large and diverse body of work and get creative with it. I made a setlist (an actually realistic one, not just 3 hrs of songs I personally wanted her to sing) just for fun and not to toot my own horn but the mashups I thought of (and I even wrote and recorded 3 of them just to prove a point) were kind of genius (and I did all of that in the span of a couple hours in one evening. this is Taylor's actual job). why is marjorie on that setlist. why is she only performing enchanted off of speak now. why did she cut the only song from her debut album the second night (jail!). WHY IS SHE PERFORMING THE DAMN 10 MIN VERSION OF ALL TOO WELL. I do not understand this woman!!!!!!!!!!

I'm also thinking (like you mentioned) about burnout and fatigue. It's not that I think it's impossible to sing/perform for 3h15m straight a couple days in a row and then have a few days off to recover, but like.....she is not a theatre performer who is accustomed to stuff like this. does she have the vocal technique and training to pull it off? we will see. I hope so! (also side note yes she should ABSOLUTELY be taking singing lessons if she's not already, absolutely anyone and everyone who sings professionally should be doing this and on an extremely consistent basis)

I do absolutely love the costumes for this tour though, and I like the visuals projected both onto the large screen at the back of the stage and the floor. There's some really cool moments (the dive comes to mind) and really great choreography (Vigilante Shit). The stage is not quite as intricate as (i.e. no real set pieces in comparison to) previous tours, but I think that has to do with the extreme scale of her tour. easier to have more elaborate moving pieces and detail when you're not in a stadium. idk. I watched most of the show via livestream Friday night and while I had a good time my takeaways were 1) this show is too damn long (for such a largely uninspired and at times straight up bad setlist) and 2) this doesn't make me want to spend hundreds of dollars for a ticket, go all the way into new jersey, and then go all the way back into the city after. so no fomo for this gal! only way you'll catch me at metlife is if I get a ticket for like less than $100. i'm spending my disposable income on theatre and broadway this summer because I'm moving to new york in may! wheeee

[sharksfood]

Harbor the Hammerhead Shark - BLFC 2023 Fursuit Dance Competition

While I'm not entirely happy with my performance this year, I am proud of myself for competing despite everything life threw at me up to this convention.

Before the con, and I'm talking like 2 months prior, i started my second job, which meant i was working 18+ hours twice a week, and i only had 1 day off from any job. I had no time to practice my dance save for in the shower (i come up with most of my choreography this way lmao) each morning and occasionally at my full time job between rushes.

when i wasn't working i was building a fursuit head, at first it was just a refurbishment but i realized the foam sculpt was not salvageable. And this was my monkey fursuit, Christian, who I primarily wear and dance in. I had actually started fixing them up in February but had to stop May-August do to me moving house. So that left September and some of October to make an entire fursuit head. This is also my very first time building a fursuit (ive done small refurbishments before).

Working on Christian was extremely tiresome and I could only do it for 4-5 hours Mon-Wed and then all day Sunday, which logically should have been enough time, but it turned out not to be. Having ADHD and being fatigued from work made fursuit work slow and tedious. I was more focused on building the fursuit I would dance in than my actual dance. I figured so long as my fursuit was compete I could wing the dance and everything would be fine.

Anyways, I plan to elaborate more on my fursuit building once I complete Christian's head (ive paused for now), but know this was the major reason why I didn't practice.

Additionally, Harbor is very hard to dance while wearing. Her head is heavy and wide, her tail is heavy and long, and her paws are too big on me, so these things all hinder my movement and expression. It hadn't occurred to me that I could just... not dance in the competition. I felt6 if I dropped out I'd be disappointing myself and those who care about me and wanted to see me dance. Considering I don't like my final performance I shouldn't have danced in the competition (i did dance in the battle after all...) but what's done is done.

Everyone is their own worst critic! Many folks told me I did a great job and it was a unique performance to witness. Unfortunately, my audition was actually much better. I blame that on nerves, being tired from the rest of the con, and getting into my own head. Also, the stage they had us dance on fucking sucked. It was a triangle! We had no space to move around since the huge DJ booth couldnt be moved! I seriously hope this isn't repeated next year (too bad all of the recent BLFC dance comps had something wrong with them).

Brenda Banks said I did a good job at my audition, but she had nothing to say to me after my final performance, which did kill my ego a little. I didn't really want to go back on stage when the judges deliberated since I would just look silly after my dance. I don't mind not placing, but what's the point being up there if I knew there was no chance?

This just goes to show, Harbor is not a competition-wrothy suit, even though the audience liked her. And I need to actually practice next time.

I don't mean to be this negative, but I needed somewhere to share my thoughts. It was hard to tell people how I felt like i sucked, right after they told me "good job". Oh well, at least lots of people liked seeing Harbor at the con.

[adriannanderson]

Sudden stop

Hi sweet boy

We wonder if uncle Sam was able to join you when his earthly life ended last week

Our hope is that the two of you are together

Sober Sam is one of the coolest people you'll ever meet

He'll make you laugh a lot 🥰

Layten is still with us, and we are working on ensuring he gets to stay with us until he's an adult

I told someone yesterday that I always wanted 2 kids by 30 and have been blessed with 5 kids by 42

You just never know what your life may bring

The loss of another brother, and the loss of a father, has been nothing less than miserable for our family

We are pretty well versed on grief, as we've handled our share of people we love gone too soon

But it turns out, this loss is setting us back significantly

Since Uncle Sam's passing, your dad has been wound up and hurting in a way I have not seen since he lost you

There are a lot of dynamics causing that, but the root is certainly grief

The same day that I was admitted to the hospital, he began having extreme pain in his abdomen that they suspect are a reaction to a faulty gall bladder

So my right hand man, the guy that always steps in when I'm unable to be somewhere, is out of commission too

I ended up being admitted after I have been experiencing extreme fatigue since Sam passed

I just know grief is heavy and I knew this valley is deep, but I'll come out on the other side

This would be no different

But overall felt like I was handling things ok!

Day to day life was at an all time high, as far as responsibilities this week - 4 track meets, 3 that I haven't been able to attend bc of my health, as well as preschool conferences that I had to reschedule, and most important of all, Coops junior prom

Meetings, decorating, after prom responsibilities

Pictures to be taken and places to be that require a shower and looking decent

Except I can't stand long enough without getting weak

I just can't even think on it for 2 seconds without getting tears

I really wanted that day to just be about your big brother

He assures me that he will not be bummed if I can't be there, that it will be ok

But he doesn't know a mama's heart

It will not be ok for a few

But there is still a chance I could rally before then

Today is really really hard and does not make me feel like tomorrow is going to be an option

I overdosed myself on calcium (note to others, you CAN eat too many tums!) Then had a very serious panic attack - either brought on by the calcium or the long list of things scrolling through my head on repeat

Either way, my heart rate and BP were very high for hours, one med that they had me try to lower calcium per Mercy dropped my BP so fast I could no longer move my limbs or talk like normal - that one goes in my chart as NO THANKS NEVER AGAIN

There were talks of sending me north and I did NOT want that. I was receiving so much care and support from our wayne county hospital staff that I knew could not be topped in a large facility

I was able to get some sleep about 430 am - 9am Thursday morning

When I woke, my nurse told me that my calcium level was down to 11 from over 14 and that I was able to go home

Music to my ears

But how did they check my level??

Oh ya know, just took blood while I was passed the heck out!

Lolol that was a first for me!

Thursday was sleep, all day and all night

Today I'm awaiting news on newest levels, and continuing to rest, as my head and body are too cloudy to do much else

I've been crying on and off since Wednesday, and decided I had to write to you

To try and empty my mind and relieve myself of the loop in my mind

House - a mess

Laundry - will never be done

Dogs - need baths

Work - Preschool conferences and DK/K recommendations - now I have to reschedule everyone during the 1st week of ball practice😭😭😭

Em - where's she going after school? Moms, Shelbys, cierras…..

Coop has study table - does he need help getting that grade up or is he just being lazy and not turning stuff in

Carsyn - are we helping her make the right decisions concerning how she spends her time? She's really worried about her mom.I think and I hate that I'm the cause

Layten- can't really speak on him too much without another serious cry sesh bc I think his pain level is immense and I want to be able to not mess this mom thing up for him. He deserves a few years of just being a high school kid with no adult worries. And no matter what, we'll never be able to replace his dad, who he loves with all his heart

After prom - I should either be at Carsyns track meet or helping decorating tonight and helping do whatever tomorrow night for after prom. The mom guilt for this one is very deep bc it's a big undertaking and needs all hands on deck

Side job - 3 people backed up on selling - not that they mind waiting but I'd like to get those off my list of things to do

Both desks - at school and home are overloaded and I want to clean them but every time I look at them im.so overwhelmed I just can't even start

2 IEP mtgs that need scheduled between now and end of school - sounds easy but is actually a zoo getting all hands on deck

There's more but these are are ones that are at the top of the loop in my head

Losing you taught me sometimes just releasing it, the stuff, the worry, in some way can bring relief

So there is it, or the bulk of it at least

Some of our life's stressors are not my story to tell

I know for sure that since losing you Fish, any death of anyone we know is a small set back

And death of those we love most can be large set backs

But we never give up

We'll come out ok

It will hurt a lot, but we will come out ok

I love you little man

You are one of my reasons to smile everyday

Love Mom

[kissmefriendly]

Man, so I know nobody actually reads these ‘technically journal entries’ on here (or maybe you do and if so I’m sorry), but I’m just beginning my re-transition. At least socially. I came out when I was 13 and by 18 I was so traumatised that I hid and went back way further into the closet than I’d ever been, going above and beyond to perform my agab roles. Now much later on in my 20s and I’m doing it all over again. Gotta admit, I’m selfishly jealous of people my age and younger who already have their names at school (god, I can’t imagine being out at school!), are on hormones, are getting surgery consultations, etc. I’m extremely happy for them all and wish them nothing but happiness but damn. How to feel like an old relic lol

Queer people just age differently from cishet people, must we.

[holymountdias]

The Deal

RLC x (fem)reader

Summary: Ruben gets turned on by you wearing glasses but you're too busy to have sex with him so he makes a deal with you

Word count: 4.7k

notes: fluff, smutt

You had promised yourself last semester that this wouldn’t happen again but here you were once again surrounded by another chaos full of books, papers and note stickers. The exam period was about to start and like every typical university student you always ended up doing everything at the last minute. Every time you would try to change this awful habit of yours you failed miserably, especially since you started dating your current boyfriend Ruben.

After meeting him at the club one night while partying with your friends, you two immediately hit it off as the chemistry between you two was too good to be ignored. The past five months were full of date nights, attending his matches and just having fun with each other. It felt like you were finally enjoying yourself after a long time of being stuck in a dark place within yourself and Ruben had helped a lot with that. But now the fun was over or at least for the next few weeks because you had to prepare for your exams.

You were currently laying on your bed wearing your pyjamas and glasses while anxiously going through your notes. You were so stressed out that you could feel your body heating up on its own; your short pyjama shorts and short tank top was still not helping much as you originaly thought. Maybe a cold shower would get rid of the tension and heat in your body but you didn’t want to risk waisting time or feeling too relaxed. The fatigue you were already feeling, would lead to you falling asleep and you knew it.

You snapped out of your studying when suddenly the doorbell rang, after you sighed one last time, you took your glasses off and went at the front door. Opening it, you came face to face with Ruben and immediately smiled at the sight of him, not expecting to see him today since you were both busy. Noticing that he was still in his gym clothes you assumed that he had gotten back from practice.

“Hey” you greeted him while opening the door wider for him to come inside. He smiled back at you, his picture perfect smile directed at you and then reached for you by wrapping his arms around your waist and then pecked your lips softly.

“Hello to you too gorgeous”, he grinned which made you scoff at him jokingly before pulling away to look at him.

“Yeah sure, gorgeous my ass.. I am a freaking mess because i have been studying the whole day”.

Your tiredness was evident in your voice and he could see the irritation going through your body at that moment as you brushed your fingers through your hair for what felt the millionth time that day.

“A hot mess, if you may ask me” he exclaimed back with a smirk on his face as he finally took in your appearance.

The clothes you were wearing didn’t leave much to the imagination as most of your skin was exposed. The neckline of your top reached just above your cleavage leaving your neck and shoulders in complete sight as one of its tiny straps fell down to your arm. The material of it seemed to be quite thin too, showing your perky breasts as your nipples were almost seen through it. Meanwhile your short shorts reached just below your arse and were hugging your sides perfectly, flattering your curves all together. Your slightly messy hair was that small detail that completed your cozy, yet extremely sexy, to his eyes, look.

Ruben almost drooled at your presence as his mind was getting filled in with lustful images of you beneath him crying out his name. Noticing your boyfriend’s darkening stare on you, you smiled proudly at yourself seeing the affect you had on him.

“Why thank you sir and i wish i could repay you for your kind words but i have a lot of studying to do” you replied playfully before turning around to head towards your room.

After a few seconds you swear you heard a groan behind you and immediately knew that your boyfriend most definitely ended up noticing how your asscheeks were visible under your shorts, making you smirk to yourself.

Laying back in your bed, you put your glasses back on your face and then proceeded to continue studying from where you left off. Not long after Ruben joined you in your room, only to find you burried in your books.

“I think you should take a break, you are obviously tired and you are just going to overwo-”

His words got cut off as you turned your face to look at him, his eyes focusing on the unfamiliar accessory on your face. If he was yearning for you before, it definitely got worse now but with the difference that he was now determined to break you. He had never seen you with glasses before and damn, if he knew how sexy you looked with them sooner, he would have bought a dozen of them for you to wear. Ruben was almost on his knees when the thought of you sucking him off while wearing those glasses clouded his mind.

fuck

“What were you saying?” your voice snapped him out of his daydream, confused by his sudden pause.

“You are taking a break” he said demandingly this time, which only made you furrow your brows, as his tone gave you no room to question him, but you decided to ignore it.

“Baby, i get that you want attention right now but i can’t and if i were to take a break with you here, you and I both, know very well how it's gonna end”, you then lowered your head back to your book so that you could seem as uninterested as possible.

“Besides i am way too caught up in this to even think about you fucking me” This was kinda risky of you to say as you were lying through your teeth and he knew it.

“That’s bullshit and you know it, sweetheart” his voice full of authority as a serious dark expression covered his face.

You loved this side of him, the one he used when he wanted to discipline you and put you in your place when you crossed the line or when he wanted to take full control of you. It wasn’t difficult for him to control your body any way he wanted since he was a lot stronger than you but your mouth was bigger, so you used that to your advantage every time you wanted to provoke him because you simply just loved being a brat.

You almost whimpered remembering the way he can so easily manhandle you in bed, his strong arms lifting you and using your body in any way he wanted while giving you both pain and pleasure. You could feel your pussy getting wet at the possibility of having him now.

Then you felt the bed dipping beside you as you felt Ruben sitting there. “Oh is it?” you challenged him with a teasing tone after you turned your whole body towards him to look at him better.

His eyes weren’t focused on your face anymore but down on your tits as they were pressed together and almost peeking above your top due to the position you were laying in. The corner of your mouth quirked up seeing his darkening gaze on your body once again.

Slowly you moved your hand to place it just below his chin in order to force him to look back at you. “My eyes are up here love”. His gaze shifted back to your face once hearing you and after mirroring the movement of your hand, he softly placed his thumb on your bottom lip as well.

“If u don’t want me to take you right here on your bed and fuck you until you are full of my cum, then i suggest you don’t ask me that, love”, his words caused your walls to clench around nothing, begging to be filled and used by him.

“Aww are my eyes too much for you Ruben?” your joking manner didn’t distract him in the slightest though, as he still hold his gaze on you.

“Your beautiful eyes when i see them glistering with the same desire as i feel for you right now. Your luscious lips that make me want to kiss you every time i see you but also make me think about how good they feel and make me cum when they are wrapped around my cock” his thumb then pressed down on your bottom lip making your lips part

“That smart tongue of yours, the way you use it to both provoke me and satisfy me the way i ask you to; and as if that wasn't enough, you have to wear those glasses too, that make you look like the sexiest student i have ever seen”

You felt your breath getting caught in your throat as you stared into his eyes. Your arousal increasing more and more with each word that left his mouth. You wanted to let yourself at his mercy but you needed to stand your ground since you didn't trust yourself enough to focus on your work later on; your boyfriend was too much of a distraction and you knew that you wouldn't be able to keep your hands off of each other. After getting a hold of yourself, you shrugged him off.

‘‘Your little glass kink is really cute babe but I really need to study". Just as you were about to turn your attention back to your notes, his voice interrupted you.

"How about we make a deal then?"

"What deal?"

Your face scrunched up in confusion and you wondered what could he possibly have in his mind now.

"You do your studying here on your bed while I have my way with you and if I end up making you cum, you will take a break, if i don't, i won't distract your little study session anymore and I will even help you out if you want..''

You smiled at the latter. Having your boyfriend be your little assistant and help you out with your work sounded incredibly sweet and helpful and even made your heart warm up thinking of that gesture. On the other hand, you couldn't deny that the first one was quite intriguing; especially considering how much turned on you already were and only by hearing his deep voice.

There was no doubt that this challenge would be incredibly difficult to pull off since Ruben was very skilled when it came to what made you a whimpering mess, begging for him to take you, but you also wanted to test yourself out and perhaps have the upper hand for once.

"It's a deal" your voice came out confident enough and without waiting for any reaction from him, you instantly got back to your previous position, laying on your stomach with your notes in front of you; your attention shifting to your notes. Your answer caught him a little bit off guard as he wasn't expecting you to agree so easily but without wanting to waste any more time he took his place right behind and on top of your legs so he could be as close to your bottom as possible and got to work.

At first you felt his hands caress your legs softly almost making you giggle at the tickling feeling it was giving but that stopped soon enough when his hands ended up on your ass. He started caressing both your ass cheeks and eventually tagged at the waistband of your shorts as he proceeded to take them off.

"Lift your hips up for me baby" he whispered to you, almost making you moan, your body already reacting to him. You complied quickly to his command though and then felt your shorts being pulled down your legs and then completely off.

"Fuck, such pretty ass you got prinsess" he groaned lightly and started massaging it, applying pressure to every part of it from the center to your side when he suddenly grabbed your ass roughly making you bite down on your lip. He let them go, making them bounce lightly and then gave a hard slap on your right cheek. You almost moaned at that and before you could take a breath to calm yourself down you felt his hand land hard on your left cheek.

You cursed in your mind while feeling the sting on your skin from how hard he spanked you and you knew without a doubt that a red mark was already left there.

He caressed your ass one more time and then slowly guided his hand down to the area where your body needed him the most. You could feel your pussy clenching, feeling his finger being dragged on your skin and finally reaching your bottom. A finger run down slowly on your clit and you could feel your wetness dripping from your cunt.

"What was that you had said about not wanting me to fuck you?" his voice held a smugness in his tone making you feel angry with yourself about how much affect he had on you.

“Fuck, I need to see this pussy” and then he bent your left leg to the side, leaving your sex completely exposed to him.

He started caressing your clit softly not really putting any pressure yet but the feeling was still enough to arouse you more. His hand was placed fully on top of your clit now softly rubbing your wetness all over the area and as if that wasn't enough he started giving little slaps on your pussy.

The movement made you wanna yell at him to fuck you already. The small touch that his hand left as he slapped your sex along with the feeling of air from his fast movements hitting you, had your walls clenching from how much he was teasing you. The toes of your feet started curling from all the sexual frustration.

Ok y/n just read your notes to distract yourself and you will be fine

The country distanced itself from the other countries and started to build its own way to socialism under a new strong political leadership.

Accordingly, the constitution was heavily amended to replace the emphasis on democratic centralism with-

A moan escaped you before you could finish the sentence in your head as Ruben's fingers had finally entered you. “Hmm such a tight little pussy for me and so wet” you heard his deep voice from behind making you clench around his fingers.

At first his fingers started moving inside you in a slow speed making you drop your head down on your book from the frustration. Ruben chuckled at your messy state.

“What is it princess, tell me what you want”. You refused to give in though and lifted your head back up to focus on your book once again. He then placed his hand on your left ass cheek and grabbed it while dragging it upwards, exposing more of the explicit view he had in front of him.

“Look at this beautiful pussy all dripping on my fingers”. The pace of his thrusts picked as you felt his fingers going deeper inside you and giving you so much pleasure.

Your hips moved a little as a response from the sudden euphoria. Pressing your lips together tightly and your eyes shutting close, wanting desperately to control yourself. Your body wasn't cooperating with what your mind wanted though as you lightly started pushing your hips back to meet the thrusts of his fingers.

Your boyfriend smirked at your movement and continued pushing his fingers into you but with much harsher force now making you moan from the ecstasy.

“Tell me what you want baby and I'm going to give it you.” Your hands fisted around the sheets of your bed from the pleasure and you placed your face layed to the side with your eyes still shut.

Your moans continued at the feeling of his big fingers moving in and out inside you; your mind now fully focused on only one thought; to cum.

Your eyes snapped open when Ruben spanked your ass.

“Look at me and tell me what you want.”

His dark expression on his face as his pupils flared showing his desire made you moan once again but you didn't hesitate this time, letting him know what you wanted.

“Good girl”

He smirked at you and the sound of your juices as his fingers were snapping hard into you was the only sound in your ears, making you an absolute moaning mess.

You could feel your body building up from the insane pleasure he was giving you and after moaning his name, you felt yourself cumming around his fingers. Your walls throbbing from the orgasm as you continued to move your hips, as your body was begging for more.

He removed his fingers from you and then spanked your ass once more with force. "Get down on your knees for me babygirl".

Without a second thought your body followed his command getting down on the floor to rest between his spread legs. Your hands rushed to grab the waistband of his trouser and with his help you pulled them down his legs.

His very evident erection was pocking through due to how turned on he was, making you draw your bottom lip between your teeth from the anticipation.

Deciding to tease him a little you traced your fingers along the tent on his boxers and started stroking him through his underwear. You glanced up to your boyfriend to find him already starring down on you and with a small nod of his head, he silently asked you to move forward. Your hand then slipped in his underwear, finally taking a hold of his hard dick and after giving it a stroke to feel him at first, you took him out.

The sexual desire between you two was insufferable and to the point when his cock was finally sprung free from the restraint of his underwear, you both whimpered feeling heavily aroused.

Ruben groaned deeply as he pushed his head back, yearning for your touch and mouth. He wanted to grab you from your hair and make you suck on his cock already but he decided to let you enjoy yourself for a minute before he took control again.

Your eyes never left his member; everytime feeling both excited and in disbelief of the size of it. Wrapping your hand around his tip, you started stroking him from the tip and down to the base a few times, leathering him with his licking pre-cum. Your hand paused at the tip again and this time you placed your thumb right on top of it and started rubbing him softly to tease him even more.

His mouth gaped at the feeling of his member through your tight throat and after holding in the position for a few seconds, he then removed his dick from your mouth making you start coughing from the feeling as tears started spilling down on your cheeks.

“Tease me more and I'm going to have you chocking on my dick until I have my cum running down your throat.”

Ruben having had enough of your little game, grabbed you roughly by your hair and turned your face upwards a little; the stinging pain on your head made you open your mouth in reaction and suddenly you felt his cock sliding inside your mouth and hitting the back of your throat fast.

The sudden move caught you off guard and you started gagging with tears welling up in your eyes while your hands shifted onto his knees to steady yourself.

You rubbed the back of your hand through your mouth to get rid of your licking saliva and after quickly getting yourself back together, you looked at him with an innocent expression.

“Damn do you know what your eyes do to me when you have these glasses on?”

You smiled mischievously at him once hearing his words and opened your mouth wide while sticking your tongue out for him.

He groaned at the sight of you and felt his cock twitch as the glasses were making you look so much sexier, giving you that innocent but brilliant sexy look. They were adding a new tone of submission on your face, which stimulated the idea of power he had over you.

He took a grip of his member and the started slapping it on your wet tongue; the arousing feeling of it's touch curving a smile onto you gaped mouth and started moving your ass and hips slowly as your cunt craved to be fucked by him already.

Shortly after you finally wrapped your lips around him, sucking on the tip for a few seconds until you lifted his cock up a little to lick the veiny underline of it, starting from the base and back to the tip. Later on you pushed him more into your mouth while your hands stroked him a little; with each stroke you bobbed your head further, taking in more of him, as your tongue playfully licked him.

Your mouth buzzed as you moaned around his cock both from the taste and the feeling of his hard member in your mouth and he moaned back in response.

“That's right baby, suck on my cock like the good girl you are.”

Sucking the air from your mouth, your cheeks squeezed around him for a few seconds and eventually took him completely out; as your saliva mixed with his precum drooled from you. Next you spit on his cock as both of your hands kept stroking him and covering his cock with your spit.

You opened your mouth once again and then put him back in your mouth but this time pushed him deeper reaching the back of your mouth. Ruben groaned from your sudden move and grabbed your hair and pushed your head further in as his cock explored your tight throat.

His fist tightened around your hair as the pleasure consumed him completely and he instantly started fucking your mouth making you gag with every thrust.

Tears started spilling down your cheeks from the burning feeling on your throat from his rapid movements while you tried to take deep breaths from your nose.

“Shit I'm going to cum” he hissed and soon enough, he stilled your head on his dick, his hand keeping you there with so much strength, and then you felt his twitching in the back when his warm cum started feeling in you throat.

He pulled away from your mouth as you finally got the chance to breath normally. You coughed a bit from the gagging but nevertheless were so much turned on by how he manhandled you. You scooped up with your finger some of your leaking saliva mixed with his precum and sucked on it while looking straight at his eyes.

He smirked at your gesture and with his thumb rubbed your bottom lip, pushing it a little bit into your mouth for you to suck.

"Fuck, get your sexy ass on the bed baby so that I can fuck you properly now"

Of course you didn't hesitate and immediately did as he asked you to, being desperate to have him inside you. Again placing yourself on your knees, your ass up high while your upper body was bent forward with your head layed on your bed and your hands together behind your back. Ruben looked at you with satisfaction and after taking off the rest of his clothes, he closed the distance between you, standing right behind your ass completely naked. You could feel his erection close to your pussy and whimpered, craving to give you more.

“Taught you so well” he whispered to you in a deep voice before he spanked your ass; your hips rolling back towards him yearning more of his touch.

“Please fuck me”

“Why?”

“Cause my hole needs to filled by your cock and I want you to cum in me Sir until it's dripping from my pussy”

Ruben moaned in reaction and without any further delay grasped your hands and slammed into you in once. You immediately gasped from the intense feeling of being stretched out as even after so many times you still weren't used to his size; every inch of your hole being completely full from his big cock.

He groaned from how your tight walls wrapped and clenched around him and started shoving his erected member in and out of you slowly, bracing the sensation of your silken pussy. His dick felt so thick inside you, giving you so much pleasure; feeling your juices dripping from you.

The room was filled with your heavy breathing and the sound of your wetness being pushed by his hard member making the scene so incredibly erotic. The ecstasy was too much for both of you since your bodies were eager to be pleasured and reach your climax already.

Your hands tightened around his hold when he picked up his pace, fucking you with so much force that he started repeatedly hitting your g spot. Loud moans kept escaping your mouth from the intense pleasure which only increased when he started spanking you once again.

He hissed from the ecstasy as he dived deeper inside of you, the speed of his thrusts making his balls slap against your dripping clit.

“Is this what you wanted baby? to wreck your hole completely with my cock”

“Yes yes Ruben, please don't stop”

He loved the desperation in your voice, enjoying how much control he had over you. His brutal thrusts didn't stop for minute as he could feel himself slowly reaching his climax.

“Then fucking cum for me”

Your body once again complied blindly to his command; your eyes rolling in the back and your walls clenching around as you finally felt your climax rushing through you, the pleasure making you scream his name in the meantime.

Ruben's expression hardened as he felt you reaching you creaming his cock with your walls wrapping around him so tightly that had him twitching. Tightening his hold on your hands and after two or three thrusts, he buried his cock deep inside you with force, finally filling you up with his cum.

He stilled his member inside you for a minute and then pulled out of you completely with a deep groan. Your body fell on the body completely from the exhaustion as your hole still pulsed from the pleasure.

He softly turned you on your back and bent down to give you a loving kiss as he brushed away your hair from your face. You smiled in the kiss and then you saw him getting up again to exit the room.

Soon after he came back with new boxers on, while holding a towel and a clean shirt of his that he had in his gym bag. After he cleaned you up, which made you hiss in the process from how sensitive your clit was, he helped you wear his shirt and then layed back on the bed while wrapping his arms around you.

You both sighed from the relaxing moment, which made him chuckle and then felt him leave a kiss on top of your head; your mouth curving into a smile from his sweet gesture.

“Fuck I needed that” you exclaimed suddenly and he laughed lightly in reaction

"See, I was right about you needing a break”

“Yes you were baby, thank you for taking care of me”

“Anytime beautiful but let's rest for now because later we've got to study”

your brows furrowed in confusion after he used plural, “What do you mean by we?”

“I mean that I'm going to help you study”

“But I lost the deal”

“Yes but you obviously need help and like we said I'm here to take care of you” then you felt him turning you to the side as he spooned you holding you tightly against his hard chest

“Now close your eyes because we have work to do later”

[bakudekushimasimp]

Warnings: 18+, NO MINORS, vaginal sex, shower play, dom!Katsuki,

Summary: Katsuki walks in while your in the shower, you don’t even notice as you have music playing. He’s in shock at not only how amazing your body is but the way you sway your hips and dip low as if no one can see you but he in fact can see you, ALL of you.

You’ve been living with your classmate and fellow hero ever since you graduated from UA, katsuki bakugou. It’s usually always a good time except when you’re in one of your bratty moods and he’s just.. him. Over the last few years even before graduation you noticed new feelings you had for him, but never acted on them as he never seemed to show interest in being more than friends. You both were always so busy with missions anyways. Last night being one of those nights, and both of you getting back extremely late. So the next morning when you woke up you were barely awake starting your morning routine. You trudged into the kitchen past katsuki who had passed out on the couch. One arm slung over the arm of the couch, other resting on his perfect abs. You slowed down taking in the pleasant sight only to shake your head, knowing all the nasty thoughts going through your head would only remain a daydream. You walk into your kitchen getting a pitcher of water and filling your Keurig up before placing a cup in the holder and pushing it down. You get on your tip toes reaching for a mug out of the cabinet; your over sized shirt lifting to show off your snug boy shorts that don’t cover all of your caramel skinned bottom. You thought you heard rustling so you quickly peek over your shoulder at the couch which your roommate was sleeping on, just to see he shifted onto his stomach and now had his face down into the cushions turned at a slight angle. You sigh and relax onto the pads of your feet and place the ‘Dynamite’ branded cup into place on the Keurig. You press the start button and slide yourself onto the island of the kitchen while watching the delicious liquid fill into your mug. You swing your feet back and forth and think of last night and how drained katsuki seemed coming home from his mission. You decided you’d help him in starting him a cup of coffee after yours before heading for a shower. You hear the last bit of your coffee draining from the Keurig and you ease yourself down from the island and grab the mug carefully. After adding your creamer and sugar, you slowly stir the coffee and take a sip. The burn was a mix of pain and pleasure on your tongue and had a delicious burn all the way down your throat. You hum as you feel yourself begin to wake up more feeling last nights stress and exhaustion slowly melt away. You lean your elbows on the island and sip from your mug while peeking at your roommate who was cuddled up to a throw pillow that usually rest on the couch as decoration. You loved seeing him so peaceful and calm. Part of you yearned to be the pillow tucked snuggly to his lower abdomen, you thought of how warm and comforting it would be to wrapped in his strong arms. Your cheeks flushed red as your mind wondered to how it would also feel to have his morning glory pressed to your needy core. You sucked in a quick breath through your teeth, and decided it was definitely time for a cold shower as you felt the thoughts create a tightness in your stomach and made your thighs clench together. You place your now empty mug into the sink, and quickly set up the cup of coffee you had decided to make for katsuki. You are careful with your footsteps as you wonder to the bathroom grabbing a towel from the little closet across the hall before you waking in and closing the door behind you. You didn’t feel a need to lock the door because you both had become comfortable sharing a bathroom and apartment for so long you didn’t find it necessary. You hang your towel on the rack and take out your phone. You connect to the blue tooth speakers that were built into the walls in the shower. You start playing music loud enough for you to hear, but not loud enough to wake up katsuki. You strip away from your clothes dropping them to the floor in a pile, you’d pick them up after showering and put them in the hamper. Let your curls down from the messy bun you had thrown up before retreating to bed the night before, admiring how your hair has grown long and beautifully down to the curves of your hips and right at the dips on your back

above your bum. You turn the hot water on waiting for it to get to the right temperature before turning the cold to moderate it to a decent feel. You step into your open floor designed shower with clear shower doors. The water feels amazing washing away all the sweat and the rest of your fatigue from last nights events of chasing after villains. You drench yourself in the water before starting to wash yourself with the coconut smelling body wash katsuki had picked up for you the other day. One of your favorite songs filter through the speakers, and you can’t help but start to sway your hips silently singing along.

By this time katsuki had rolled off the couch having some crazy dream of fighting villains, and shocked himself awake. He jumped up hand out with small bursts sparking at his palm as he quickly looked around and scoped out the apartment. He slowly relaxed as he noticed no one was in the apartment and there was indeed no villains around. He’s face tinted pink as embarrassment flooded him. He then peeked around again making sure you didn’t see him while stretching his arms behind his head to play off his ridiculous reaction from a few moments ago. As he took a deep breath in while stretching he caught a whiff of the coffee you had put on for him earlier. He followed the smell in a daze to the kitchen and found his black mug with “number 1” in burnt orange letters across the side. He grabbed the cup carelessly and spilt some onto his sweatpants. He hissed and put the cup back onto the counter slightly irritated he couldn’t get his shit together this morning. He started mumbling to himself frustrated it now looked like he had pissed himself, or even better had a wet wild dream. He ran his hand over his blonde hair and down his face. He picked up the coffee and finished what was left in a few single gulps, and decided he’d thank you for the coffee and change out of his sweatpants afterwards. Knowing you both were still semi exhausted from last night he didn’t want to have an angry aggressive attitude because his start of the day, especially towards you. He put the mug in the sink noticing the mug you had chosen for your morning coffee. He smirked to himself. He loved when you used something of his or with his label on it. Anything involving him. It gave him a sense of pride. Katsuki was very possessive over you ever since you had became friends when you showed up to UA in second year. Just never in front of you directly. Only to the boys who ever dared say something about you to him behind your back. Especially the other boys in Bakusquad or even worse whenever Deku decided to make his sly comments about how he’d take you from katsuki and make you his. Make you a villain. It made his blood boil. He wanted to tell you how he felt so he could claim you as his for everyone to know who you belonged to. You were Dynamight’s girl. He loved the sound of that it gave him goosebumps and made his cock stir. He couldn’t resist you especially when you acted bratty towards him and never let his attitude phase you, or whenever you got dressed up to go to the club and wore his colors, or in the early mornings how you’d walk around in barely anything.. Katsuki groaned to himself and grabbed his half erection through his sweatpants and quickly remembered they were drenched in coffee. He snapped out of his thoughts and started to walk to your room to thank you for the coffee, but before he could reach your door he heard soft singing and music thumping from the bathroom. He stopped and back tracked to the bathroom door. He looked at the doorknob and noticed the steam coming from underneath the crack of the door. He slightly shrugged and twisted the handle to let himself in. As soon as he enter the foggy room he silently closed the door hoping to not alarm you. The smell of coconut flooded his senses and his hard on was growing fast as he thought of you using the body wash he chose specifically for you. He finally brought himself to look up at the shower doors and immediately stopped frozen in place. His breath hitched and he swallowed hard his Adam’s apple slowly bobbing. There you were twisting your body like a gypsy. Turning and rolling your hips slowly dipping down, you sensually danced to the music that steamed throughout the bathroom. His eyes dragged over your blurry body as the shower doors were not so clear to allow him to see all details of your body. He was basically drooling at the sight. His cock had instantly grown to full length straining against his damp sweatpants making his print more noticeable to see. You run your hands over your body from your chest to your thighs and back over your backside. He has to do something he

can’t stand it anymore he wanted those to be his rough calloused hands running over your silk caramel skin. He pulls his sweatpants off in almost one swift movement, boxers right with them. His manhood springing out and slapping his abs as he does so. He bites his lower lip and slowly steps towards the shower, he very quietly slides the door open and steps in.

You feel a quick feeling of cold air as your rinsing the conditioner out of your hair and body wash off your body. You get the feeling someone is watching you and you stop dancing. You’ve watched too many scary movies to not know this feeling. You open your eyes but to your surprise your roommate, the drop dead sexy Katsuki stands in front of you. You stare into his red eyes that are glazed in lust as he finally speaks up and says, “May I join you?” You’re speechless as you think maybe this is just another wild daydream. His eyes trail down your body following the few remaining soap duds as the flow off your skin to the shower floor. Your cheeks turn a bright shade of red as you then clutch over your breast and cup a hand over your hairless sex. He chuckles lowly and slowly reaches out to grab your arms and pull them away. His chuckle sends vibrations straight to your core as he says, “I just wanted to thank you for the cup of coffee but after seeing the way you can move I couldn’t resist.” He pulls your arms away from your body and you hesitate in letting him but them start to drop them away from you as you’re more confident in your body than what you used to be. He runs his hand down your arm to your hand and brings it to his chest. You let out a shaky breath and start to stutter out, “k-k-Katsuki, is this, real?” A huge grin spreads across his face and he takes your other hand away from your sex and brings it to his. Your eyes snap down to where your hand lays looking at the massive cock that your hand now rest on. He lets another a low growl type groan and steps closer leaning to your ear and whispers, “THIS is real. All of this is real, and it’s about time.” Your nipples harden and you drag your eyes away from the too good to be true masterpiece and look into his red orbs. He now looks you in your face and leans his forehead to yours, “I’ve wanted you for so long and I’ve waited until I could take you and call you mine. You’re body is so perfect, you are so perfect. I can’t hold it in anymore. I want to fuck your tight little pussy and mark you as mine. Make you forget about any other man on this whole planet.” You clench at the words he says and your breathing has now turned into shallow breaths. You run your opposite hand down his chest feelings every dip of his abs and you start to shift your other hand grasping his dick. He sucks in a breath and closes his eyes you step into your tip toes and are so close to his lips you can feel his breath fanning your face. What leaves your mouth next takes him by total surprise. “Take me.”

Your lips clash together in a rough much needed kiss. His tongue swipes across your bottom lip asking for entrance as you open and let him in. Both of you twisting your tongues around in a swirl of mixed saliva as his hands reach around and take a firm grasp of your cheeks he got a perfect peek of while you reached for your mug earlier that morning. You moan into his mouth as he pushed you against the shower wall pushing his chest against your as your breast smashes into him. He leaves your mouth to trail kisses down your jaw and your neck until he finds your sweet spot. You start pumping at his erect cock as his finger swipes at your already soaked sex. He sucks and nibbles at the sweet spot on your neck creating a bruise as your sweet moans now fill the bathroom. He pulls away with a pop to give you a devious smirk and says “you’re already so wet for me huh you little slut” his words send goosebumps all over your body. He kneels down to the shower floor pulling his twitching manhood from your grip precum dripping from his red fiery head. He takes a nipple into his mouth as he twist the other with his opposite hand between his pointer finger and his thumb harshly pulling as he gently bites in the other. He leaves your nipples to leave a trace of bruises along your breast to show he and only him has been there. Has seen and tasted your caramel mounds. Your twisting your hips in a similar way as to when you were dancing but now in an urgency to have your needs met by this tease in front of you. As if he can read your mind he brings a hand up to rub the clit in a circular fast motion as he takes your nipple back into his mouth sucking hard and letting it pop out of his mouth. The lewd sound makes you whimper and he looks up at you through dangerous dark eyes “tell me what you want” you whimper as he starts to slow with your clit though you can feel your release building. You look down at him as he tweaks your nipple instead of sucking pulling and twisting. “I want you katsuki” “what do you want from me” “I want you to fuck me katsuki” he stands up abruptly and twist you around all in one quick second. He runs his long thick cock between your wet ass cheeks watching as the water continues to hit your back. You push into him arching your back hoping he’d finally give you what you needed desperately instead he pulls his cock away beginning to fist himself. You were about to look over your should as you feel a harsh slap land to your bottom. You let out a squeak as it took you by complete surprise. “You like that” you nod your head yes vigorously. Then another harsh slap this one hard than the last, “I said do you like that” you shake your head yes furiously as you barely can raise your voice high enough “y-y-yes katsuki please more” he rubs his hand over your now pink-red cheeks and dips his finger into your slick. You moan out as he sinks his single digit into your welcoming warm hole. “Your so tight” he groans and he grows impatient as he slides another finger in. He wraps his other hand around your chest caging your breast in with his forearm. He’s ready to sink into you but knows he has to give you time to adjust or he’ll split you open. He continues to pump his two fingers in and out of your slick as clench around him. Your shallow quick breaths let him know you’re close to your release. Just as he feels you about to cum he pulls his fingers out. Tears burning at the sides of your eyes you let your head drop and look at the shower floor where water, your slick and his precum mix. You let out a small growl and say “stop teasing me bakugou” he then releases his hold from around you and moves behind you pushing your chest to the shower wall. He wraps his hand around your curls and pulls hard pulling your face up so he can look at you. You look up into his red vermillion eyes as he peers down at you with somewhat of a scold. “I’ll guess I’ll have to fuck that bratty attitude out of you.” You don’t have time to respond before he’s shoving his length into you. You gasp and his hand leaves your hip where he was holding you to

put himself in and now wraps it around your throat his other hand never leaving the vice grip on your hair. The tears are now streaming down the sides of your face as you feel him stretching you open. He smirks, “that’s only have teddy bear.” He then shoves the remaining half in bottoming out in your sweet pussy. You open your mouth in a silent moan and your tongue hangs out as your eyes roll back. Katsuki loves seeing you like this, falling apart on his dick he already feels like filling you up with his seed. He slowly starts to pull out knowing he won’t last long. He rams back into you and continues the same movements. You’re moans are now louder than the music you have streaming. Your mouth still hanging open he then spits into it and you swallow not having any other choice. The action only makes you wetter as you gush around him. Katsuki let’s go of your curls to bring his hand down to start circling your clit bringing you back to your high from earlier. He moves his hand from your throat and drags it down your spine to the dip in your back and presses down making you arch further. He slaps your ass hard leaving a hand print. “Who’s pussy is this”

“Y-y-yours Katsuki.”

“Who’s little slut are you”

“Y-y-yours katsuki”

“Dynamight, call me dynamight”

You clench around him your orgasm rising quickly as he plays with your clit more agressive. He shuts his eyes tightly as his thrusts are turning sloppy. Your tightness is bringing him close and very fast. He runs his thumb down your crack and slowly pushes it to your ass as your both reaching your high. You let out a moan as he pushes his thumb into you. The pleasure of him rubbing your clit and filling both your holes sends you over the edge. “Dynamight!!” You scream as you cum so hard you feel like you might pass out. You cover him in your juices. Katsuki couldn’t hold on anymore as you squirted all over him and your legs start to shake. He couldn’t choose to paint you like a masterpiece or fill you with his seed but at this point it’s too late. He puts both hands on your hips and slams into you with his last remaining thrusts as you scream his hero name. He hits your cervix and paints your walls with his release. You both slump together.

He slowly pulls out of you and watches his cum drip out onto the shower floor. He runs a hand through his wet blonde mess of his hair and lets out a deep breath. You’re still trying to recuperate from everything that just happened your mind spinning. Katsuki seems concerned, you haven’t moved from the same spot. He hooks a finger underneath your chin and brings you to look at him. Him in all his glory. He smiles at you. “So will you be Dynamight’s girl?”

[hermette-historian]

It's important to look deeply at the near-death experiences that the series has had in order to understand how it has grown, why it has changed the way that it did, and the reasoning behind some of the decisions that the members continue to make to this day. In looking at history we also find the answers to some of the greatest mysteries of the series, as well as some of the most frequently asked and vaguely answered questions. With that in mind:

What Really Killed Hermitcraft Season 1?

Episode 1: Death of a Bachelor

If you ask Xisuma why the first season ended, he will say in no uncertain terms that it was the loss of their founder and leader GenerikB. And he's right.

GB's final episode of Hermitcraft aired on April 20, 2013; the same date as Jessassin's, though that seems to have been pure coincidence. In it he states that he is leaving because while he is still in love with the game, the vanilla version just..wasn't doing it for him anymore. He was done with that world, ready for something fresh and exciting to be added, and to him that meant mods. To this day, he still plays modded Minecraft over on Twitch! But after he left Hermitcraft, he never really went back to vanilla. More importantly, he also implies that while the server may go on in his absence, he finds it unlikely to continue long term-true to his prediction, the series floundered without direction for another month before Xisuma uploaded his final video on June 2 of that year. Hermitcraft officially died with the disappearance of its namesake.

Here's where we look deeper, because while GB's departure may have been the straw that broke the camel's back it was by no means the only reason the season ended. Just digging deeper into each of his reasons for leaving, we can see the storm brewing as far back as November of the previous year.

Episode 2: The Call of Cthulhu

What happened in November, you ask? Modded Minecraft happened. More specifically, the extremely popular modpack Feed the Beast was released beta at that time, and the Hermits at large wasted zero time in getting in on the action. There was within a month a dedicated "Hermitcraft Feed the Beast" server, from which a few hermits were added to the vanilla counterpart retroactively: Juicetra and Skyzm among them. Other members included Hypno, Topmass, DMAC, and of course GB...FTB quickly consumed the working lives of the Hermits; it was the first experience many of them had with a real modpack, and it introduced mechanics they could only dream about having in the survival game (like flying, for instance). Content on the vanilla server began to slow down. It didn't help that none of the hermits were full time creators in 2013-their time was limited, and when they were able to spend it doing the things they wanted to do that ended up being FTB. Some members such as DMAC promised more vanilla content once the craze was over, but the "craze" never stopped and he ended up going full months without putting out vanilla episodes. The FTB server had its own issues and ended up dying of technical problems and rollbacks later down the line, but it alone played a massive part first in boosting Hermitcraft Vanilla, then slowly choking it to death.

But there is one more unsung murderer when it comes to the grave demise of Hermitcraft Season 1: the game itself.

Episode 3: If I Die Young

When Dinnerbone joined Hermitcraft in summer 2012, he requested that they begin to update through snapshots instead of waiting for full releases-presumably so that he could use them as a test server. The decision to honor his suggestion, however, was a divisive one. Some members jumped on the opportunity! GB and Red3yz in particular were beyond excited to test everything from new terrain generation to redstone mechanics. Others like Xisuma and Biffa were more cautious, preferring to wait until the game was ready to play in a way that would be fulfilling to them. Still others-Joe Hills among them-were excited at first...then fell quickly into the opposite camp when half of their house spontaneously went missing and occasionally they couldn't craft anything with the wooden planks. The snapshots proved to be glitchy as all hell and an administrative nightmare, creating little but endless stress for GB on admin duty and Hypno in the world edit repair department. But they stuck with it! Hermitcraft continued to update through every single snapshot from 1.3 until 1.5, each new week bringing a new set of uncertainties and challenges to overcome. For a group of creators that were already fatigued with vanilla and focused on something more interesting, it's easy to see how this kind of thing would force a divide between them and the server...nobody wants to create content on a game that's unnecessarily difficult on a good day.

Of course, there were other little things that drove the Hermits away from its original phase. A big one for GB that goes unmentioned was definitely the state of his base: the original that he spent nearly a year building was burnt to the ground during the conflict with TEA and redone in creative mode by Topmass and the Pimp my Minecraft team. Not only did this cause controversy among the fans like you wouldn't believe, it left little for him to do in the world where his own creations were largely gone altogether. Other Hermits like Jess ran out of inspiration or burned out in a more typical fashion.

Thus in June of 2013, just over a year after its original inception, Hermitcraft died.

On the third day it rose again, dragged by the ears near single-handedly out of the grave by the person with the most determination to see it succeed. A new era began of rebuilding on a solid foundation, with dignity intact and lessons learned, a stronger brand, a clear distinction, and no snapshots. Eventually, they would have a new leader. But these things will all take time.

Hermitcraft beta was doomed by being built on sand instead of rock. It was strangled by the game itself, a victim of circumstance and false promises and opportunity. It died and came back stronger. And once every year or two, it feels the need to do so again.

Here's to Season 8, and many more to come.

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

[thelovelygods]

As a teenager, Sylvia Plath vividly understood the extent to which her body steered her. "If I didn't have sex organs, I wouldn't waver on the brink of nervous emotion and tears all the time," she wrote in her journal in 1950. Ten days before her death, she had come to believe that "fixed stars/Govern a life." It turns out that Plath was probably right -- more right than she could have possibly known -- about her biology and her fate. But when Plath's journals were first published in 1982, what was most obvious about her was the supercharged nature of her emotions. Whatever causal agents may have been governing Plath's life, they were blown back by the force of her personality.

As unmistakable as were Plath's volatile emotions in the 1982 journals, the heavy editing of the text necessarily made it hard to discern the patterns to her moods. Even so, there did seem to be a detectable pattern, and it did not seem then, nor had it seemed to the people closest to her during the last years of her life, to be merely a function of temperament. In the weeks before her suicide, Plath's physician, John Horder, noted that Plath was not simply deeply depressed, but that her condition extended beyond the boundaries of a psychological explanation.

In a letter years later to Plath biographer Linda Wagner-Martin, Horder stated: "I believe ... she was liable to large swings of mood, but so excessive that a doctor inevitably thinks in terms of brain chemistry. This does not reduce the concurrent importance of marriage break-up or of exhaustion after a period of unusual artistic activity or from recent infectious illness or from the difficulties of being a responsible, practical mother. The full explanation has to take all these factors into account and more. But the irrational compulsion to end it makes me think that the body was governing the mind."

For at least the past 10 years it has been generally assumed that Plath fit the schema of manic-depressive illness, with alternating periods of depression and more productive and elated episodes.

The hypothesis that Plath suffered from a bipolar disorder is persuasive. But in late 1990, another, even more intriguing medical theory emerged. Using the evidence of Plath's letters, poems, biographies and the 1982 journals, a graduate student named Catherine Thompson proposed that Plath had suffered from a severe case of premenstrual syndrome. In "Dawn Poems in Blood: Sylvia Plath and PMS," which appeared in the literary magazine Triquarterly, Thompson theorized that Plath's mood volatility, depressions, many chronic ailments and ultimately her suicide were traceable to the poet's menstrual cycles and the hormonal disruptions caused by PMS.

Thompson pointed out that Plath unwittingly recorded experiencing on a cyclical basis all of the major symptoms of PMS, as well as many others, including low impulse control, extreme anger, unexplained crying and hypersensitivity. She also suffered many of the physical symptoms associated with PMS, notably extreme fatigue, insomnia and hypersomnia, extreme changes in appetite, itchiness, conjunctivitis, ringing in the ears, feelings of suffocation, headaches, heart palpitations and the exacerbation of chronic conditions such as her famous sinus infections.

Thompson compared Plath's reported mood and health changes with the journals, letters and biographies and found that her symptoms seemed to appear and disappear abruptly on a fairly regular schedule, with clusters of physical symptoms and depressive affect followed by dramatic changes in outlook and overall physical health. Those patterns can be directly linked to the dates of Plath's actual menses, particularly in 1958 and 1959, when she most habitually noted her cycles. Judging from the pattern of Plath's depression and health in late 1952 and in 1953 until her Aug. 24 suicide attempt, Thompson posited that "it seems reasonable to conclude that this suicide attempt was directly precipitated by hormonal disruption during the late luteal phase of her menstrual cycle and secondarily by her loss of self-esteem at being unable to control her depression."

Thompson showed that a well-known journal entry from Feb. 20, 1956, is clearly traceable to Plath's menses, to which she refers directly a few days later. The journal fragment takes on new meaning in light of having been written during the physically and emotionally debilitating luteal phase of Plath's cycle: "Dear Doctor: I am feeling very sick. I have a heart in my stomach which throbs and mocks. Suddenly the simple rituals of the day balk like a stubborn horse. It gets impossible to look people in the eye: corruption may break out again? Who knows. Small talk becomes desperate. Hostility grows, too. That dangerous, deadly venom which comes from a sick heart. Sick mind, too." On Feb. 24, the same day she notes in her journal that she has a sinus cold and "atop of this, through the hellish sleepless night of feverish sniffling and tossing, the macabre cramps of my period (curse, yes) and the wet, messy spurt of blood," Plath wrote a letter to her mother blaming her dark mood on her physical health: "I am so sick of having a cold every month; like this time, it generally combines with my period."

By the fall of 1962, the poems (which Plath carefully dated as they were completed) seem to follow a pattern of metaphorical renewals and optimistic transformations for roughly two to three weeks of artistic production, then jagged, seething accusations and aggression for a couple of weeks.

Thompson's PMS theory has been largely ignored by Plath scholars. But it immediately gained two important supporters: Anne Stevenson, Plath's controversial biographer, and Olwyn Hughes, Plath's former sister-in-law, whose letters were published in a subsequent issue of Triquarterly. Though oddly defensive in tone, Stevenson's letter does commend Thompson for her "invaluable contribution to Plath scholarship ... Certainly no future study of Plath will be able to ignore the probable effects of premenstrual syndrome on her imagination and behavior." And it states that she wishes she had been able to utilize Thompson's insights in the writing of her own work on Plath.

A letter from Olwyn Hughes also congratulates Thompson for her scholarship, but unlike Stevenson, Hughes practically stumbles over herself in amazement at the PMS theory. Hughes, who was quoted in Janet Malcolm's book "The Silent Woman: Sylvia Plath and Ted Hughes" as characterizing her long-dead sister-in-law as "pretty straight poison," wrote to Thompson: "It is quite a shock to digest all this -- after thinking for so long that Sylvia's subconscious mind was her prison, and to suddenly realise it may well have been in part, or wholly, her body. But it certainly tallies with Ted's mentions -- he has always felt some chemical imbalance was involved."

Hughes further points out that Ted Hughes had spoken of Plath's ravenous appetite just prior to her periods and asks, "I wonder if that is a known characteristic of PMS?" (According to the PMS literature, it is.) But most tellingly, Olwyn Hughes explains that "one of the reasons I was so bowled over by your piece is that Sylvia's daughter, very like her physically, suffers quite badly from PMS but is, in these enlightened times, aware of it and treats it."

Dr. Glenn Bair, one of the leading experts on PMS treatment and research in the United States, confirmed to Salon that PMS is typically passed from mother to daughter. In a rare interview about her parents, Frieda Hughes told the Manchester Guardian in 1997 that after the "collapse of her health," including extreme fatigue and gynecological problems, she underwent a hysterectomy in her 30s.

After a careful review of Thompson's article, of a seven-page monthly breakdown of Plath's symptoms for 1958 through 1959 and of the documented evidence of Plath's pregnancies and postpartum symptoms of 1959 through 1962, Bair said, "If you hack through the PMDD criteria, I think that you'll find that she fits the PMDD profile."

[formidxble]

summary: you and chan follow a routine every night. tonight’s different. 

pairing: bang chan x female reader 

word count: 3.1k

genre: angst, like Extreme Angst™️, college!au, established relationship

warnings: a lot of swearing, toxic relationship, mentions of sex ( oh and btw, this is not beta read. we die like men)

note: omg? finally? i got to write something and now i’m posting it on here? confidently??? who is she, we don’t know her! enough jokes though, this is my first fic ever that’s going to be posted on this platform, so i’m excited! constructive criticism and feedback are welcome 👉🏻👈🏻. 

tagged ❤️: @popisdead @hanflix

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ masterlist

it’s become routine at this point. 

when chan sees your room’s light turn off, it’s a signal that your roommates are now headed to bed and that you’re ready to come out and meet him. it’s been a busy few months for the both of you and the nights were the only time you two could meet. he’s a business major working on his business proposals for the semester and you’re a performing arts student, preparing for this semester’s art production. saying it was hard to make time to see each other was an understatement. nevertheless, you two made sure you still met, may it be only for a few minutes. some nights you were lucky, being able to meet for an hour or so. nights were reserved for chan and for chan only. 

after putting on your coat, you reached out for the door knob as you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. “are you coming or not? i’m freezing” you sigh softly.

the first few nights were fun, you have to admit. impromptu grocery shopping for the both of your food supplies for rest of the week, a few make out sessions here and there, and sometimes, leading to even more if you both were lucky enough. it gave you a high you never thought you would ever come down from. whenever he kissed you after a long day, you felt as if the weight on your shoulders fell off, even for just a moment. whenever chan held you in his arms and told you it was going to be okay, your chest loosened, even for just a moment. chan was the calm in the chaos and when you were in his car, holding his hand and feeling his lips lingering on yours, he provided the needed break you longed for during the day.

but, as the days and weeks passed by, the nights became shorter and quieter. rides became quicker and the good conversations slowly turned into mere small talk. no longer would he give you soft touches, no longer would he ask how your day went, and no longer would chan look at you the way he did before. no more i love you’s, no more second glances when he dropped you off at your dorm during the early hours of the morning. you excused the change of behavior as the result of your fatigue in school. the change was expected, you always told yourself.

it’s become a mantra now, something you repeated to yourself as you lied in bed at night, a routine. a routine. 

you close your eyes for a moment as you twist the doorknob to open the door. you focus on your phone again as soon as you got out of your dorm. “coming."

you spotted chan’s car a mile away. before, he would put the window down to greet you, a soft smile spreading across his face. now, you were faced with the car’s tinted windows, your reflection staring back at you as you wrapped your fingers around the handle of the car door. you heard the lock click. 

“hey,” you mumbled. you heard a soft hum in response. you quietly put the seatbelt on, relaxing your back on the seat as you stared ahead. chan was on his phone, seatbelt off. light from his phone illuminated his features. the bags under his eyes were a little bit more prominent than the last time you noticed. you wonder if he’s been eating, getting enough sleep, but you weren’t in the position to ask now. not when frustration is starting to boil in your chest.  

you didn’t know if you should call him out. it was his way to unwind as well, but then again, he was there to pick you up for a short date. this was the only time you both had for yourselves, yet here he was, texting away on his phone. this shouldn’t annoy you as much as it does now because chan does this whenever he was waiting. 

“hey,” you repeat louder. chan looks up from his phone, an eyebrow raised. 

“yes?” he asks, turning his phone off. the two of you are surrounded in darkness, with only the light from the lamp posts outside lighting the interior of the car. 

“what do you mean, ‘yes?’ are you serious?” chan furrows his eyebrows at your words as he straps himself in. he turns to you, blinking. you suck in a breath. 

“this is the only time we get to spend together and you’re on your phone? are you ser—“

“i’m sorry. there,” he breathes,  “can we move past this? i’m not in the mood to fight.” he interrupts. you open your mouth to say something back, but you’re cut off by the movement of the car. 

the air inside the car was heavy, heavier than usual. sure, you and chan had a couple of unresolved fights the other nights and sure, you spent you early mornings crying over him, but it should have been resolved with the few kisses he gives you, right? then why are you so upset now? chan makes amends, tells you he’s sorry for raising his voice, for ignoring you the whole day. he was busy, right? of course he’ll end up not texting you. he kisses the pain away, even though he’s the reason for said pain. he talks his way out and if he avoids the topic of the fight, you wouldn’t mind. that was the routine. but not tonight, apparently. 

“you’re always not in the mood.” you whisper, crossing your arms in front of your chest. you watch the trees outside of the car starting to blur as chan’s driving sped up. this night will end as quick as it started, you thought. you hear a sigh beside you. 

“i just—“ chan starts, “i can’t fight anymore, y/n. i’m tired.”

“and you think i’m not?” you answer back, looking at the man beside you, “god, we never talk anymore, chan. all we ever do is fuck the pain away and—“

you’re cut off by the sight of chan’s knuckles slowly turning white on the steering wheel. you almost don’t see the way he clenches his jaw. he pulls the car over at the side of the road and for a second, you think you two will be able to finally talk about your issues, the problems that were never muttered, but still plagued your relationship. god knows you wanted to hear from him, anything— fuck, just anything to finally resolve it, fix it. to finally end the routine you both had. but that hope shatters as soon as his mouth opens. 

“what do you want me to say? we’ve been okay, we’ve been fin—“

you let out an exasperated sigh, eyes meeting his, “we aren’t fine, chan, we haven’t bee—“

“what do you mean?” chan questions. he removes his seatbelt to turn to you. a gentleman he still was, even though you knew he was avoiding the topic. again. “fuck, what do you want me to say? i was on the phone. how does that merit a full blown argu—“

“it’s not about the damn phone!” you exclaim, finally feeling the frustration in your chest blow over. 

were you going crazy? why didn’t he see the changes? doesn’t he feel the frustration? were you the only one feeling this way, then? does he feel that everything was okay or were you that good at acting that everything was okay, that nothing was wrong? you run a hand down your face as you try to collect yourself.  the car became quiet, as always. chan was never really vocal about things like this and let you do the talking. maybe this is why issues were never resolved. 

“then, what is it about?” chan mumbles, eyes never leaving your form. you let out a soft scoff.

"what is it abou—are you kidding me? are you fucking with me?”chan raises an eyebrow in response, furrowing it afterwards. he lets out a sarcastic laugh after a few beats of silence. he shook his head as he turned to face the road again. 

“is this fight going to last all night? if so, i’d rather just drop you off,” he starts to put his seatbelt on, "we can continue our date when you’re not this moody."

and at that moment, your world nearly stops. the silence in the car was loud and the tension, if you could see it, could be cut with a knife. his words echo in your mind as the car starts moving again, chan preparing to make a u-turn to go back in the direction of your dorm. 

“not...this...moody?” you repeat to yourself. chan nonchalantly hums in response. 

you couldn’t even look at this man anymore. it was as if you didn’t know him anymore. he carried the name of your boyfriend, but was he really the chan you knew? the chan you knew won’t be able to say these things to you, let alone treat you like this. you feel like a deer in headlights, shocked at how everything led up to this moment. and to think that the turning point of your relationship was something as simple as chan being on his phone. you closed your eyes as you tried to fight the lump forming in your throat. 

“so, what am i supposed to do?” you ask. "just go home and think about what i did? what i said?”

chan shrugs. he shrugs. you couldn’t believe how he didn’t take this conversation seriously. was it because you’ve been in this exact same situation before? sure, fights have been frequent, but were they frequent to the point that chan just straight up ignored them? to the point that he never brought the topics up again? no effort to try and fix it?

was he that tired that he was willing to let everything pass? let you suffer in silence? 

“stop the car,” you whisper shakily. chan doesn’t listen, though. he never does, he rarely does. he never listens anymore. 

“chan, please stop the car,” you feel stupid begging, but that does it. he stops the car again, your dorm building in sight. his knuckles start to turn white again, but he closes his eyes this time. you hear him take a sharp inhale through his nose. 

“i can’t fight anymore, y/n, please, just...we can fix it tomorrow, whatever it is.”

you let out a soft sob at his words. “chan, you always say that, god, you always say that.”

chan grips his steering wheel tighter. “yes, i do, but we always fix it. we always end up fixing it.”

“no, we fucking don’t!” you scream now, releasing the frustration that has been clawing to come out, “no, we don’t fix things, we fuck it away and we pray that things magically turn okay in the morning, but it never does! it never fucking does!”

chan stays quiet, eyes drifting to the car floor. you wish you could know what he was thinking. you wish he would talk to you, tell you what he really felt instead of just sitting there. god, were you tired. you were tired of pretending things were okay when they aren’t. you were tired of telling yourself it would be fixed, that the relationship would go back to normal, but it never does. and you just somehow have to live with it because that’s how it is with you and him. that’s the routine, right? and even though you hated it, you tolerated it because you loved him. but people will reach an end point, one way or the other. you can’t help but feel that this was yours. 

“loving you is so exhausting, chan, i—“ your voice cracks, “i’m supposed to be content with this treatment? you and i not talking the whole day and then meeting at night just to make up for lost time, have sex, and pretend that everything’s okay, that the fights have not gotten out of hand, that we’re going to be ok—“

“we are going to be okay, fuck, it’s not that easy,” chan mumbles, “i’m trying, y/n, but i can’t give you everything you need, not anymore.”

silence fills the car and it engulfs the two of you. 

"what changed?" you sob softly, tears now slowly flowing down your cheeks. it was okay, a few weeks ago. days became busier, tasks became heavier, but did that mean that your relationship had to deteriorate the way it has been? 

“nothing changed, please, y/n,”chan breathes, not turning to look at you, “we just got busier and—"

“we weren’t like this, chan, we used to talk about things. w-we used to...talk. we can’t even do that now? am i asking for too much? i shouldn’t be begging for your time, chan, please—“you cry out softly. “why am i always second to you, chan? i try to be the best for you, chan, please.”

chan lets out a shaky breath as he tries to find the words to respond with. “y/n, it’s not y—“

“spare me the bullshit. spare me the "it’s not you, it’s me”. at least, be honest with me.” you say firmly, wiping away the tears on your cheeks harshly. 

“i...i just don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet, okay? i want to fo—"

your feel something in your chest. a pain you’ve never felt before. chan’s words become a blur as you feel your back hit the seat. 

you’re taken back to a time in your childhood when you were trying out the jump rope your friends had. being the idiot you were, you jumped in time with the rope and it tangled on your feet. you ended up falling on your chin, scraping it in the process. the pain rang through your skull and for a while, you couldn’t move, tears merely streaming down your cheeks. and to that that one time during one of the art productions in university, you ended up falling off of the stage. of course, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but maybe if they turned on the lights before lowering the stage, you wouldn’t have broken your ankle. you remember how worried chan was, but most importantly, you remember how much it hurt. you couldn’t walk and if you tried, it would shoot pain up your leg. 

adding all the pain you’ve felt in all those moments, it wouldn’t amount to the pain you feel now. 

not ready? not ready after 3 years? how could he say that? this was the man you saw your future with, someone who was supposed to be your soulmate. that was him, that was chan. the nights you shared, the words you uttered, were all those fake? were all those just to make everything feel okay? 

not ready? 

not ready.

the words echo in your mind like a broken record. were you supposed to beg him to stay? beg him to be ready when he just admitted that he wasn’t? as you turned to look at him, you didn’t see the chan who loved you. instead, it was the shell of the man who used to love you, care for you. fuck, was love supposed to hurt this bad? you feel your heart starting to crack even more.

if this was love, you didn’t want it. not anymore.

“drop me off,”you mumble after a deafening silence, voice shaking as a sob threatens to come out of your mouth. chan turns to look at you, finally. you don’t meet his eyes anymore. you, instead, just look straight ahead. if he wasn’t ready for a commitment, even after 3 long years, then you were not about to beg him to stay. chan opens his mouth to say something, but you notice that he just swallows his words. he turns to look in front of him as he pushes on the gas again to drive back to your dorm. if he wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready. there’s no point in trying to convince him he is. the next best thing is to leave and let him figure out what he needed to figure out. if he needed space, he could have told you. what bothered you the most is the fact that chan’s always been about communication, but somehow and somewhere along the journey, he changed. maybe that’s just how it goes. 

when he pulls up in front of your dorm building, chan turns to look at you again, eyes scanning your features. “i’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

you shake your head, eyes closing as you tried to fight the urge to cry again. the question he asked has always confused you. it was always like this, that even after a fight, he expects to see you again, the same time, the same place. you were tired and it didn’t help that you now knew why he wasn’t acting the same— he wasn’t ready to commit to you, even after all this time. 

“i’m ending it here, chan."

“ending what?”

ending the routine, ending the cycle, ending us. these words rang through your head and you didn’t know which to answer. was he acting aloof so that he could get off easily? that maybe you’ll let him off again because he somehow can’t understand what was happening? you swallowed. 

“us, chan, i—i can’t go on like this anymore,” you pause. was this what you really wanted or were you doing this to prove a point? you weren’t sure, but one thing’s clear, you had to do this, not only for him, but for you. you can’t subject yourself to this cycle anymore. you had to break it sooner or later. “when i get out of this car, we’re over."

chan’s car became a place of love and security in a world full of uncertainty and chaos. it was where you both spent time together when you needed a break, when you needed to be together. now, it was a place of loneliness and despair. it became a place full of resentment and unresolved issues and you can’t help but wonder how chan will be able to sit in his car again without thinking of this moment. before he could respond, you were out of the car. 

in the back of your mind, you hoped that he would call you, run after you. beg you to stay, tell you that everything will be fixed if you just gave him time. you prayed in your head desperately. if he did so, you know you’ll come crawling back to him. if he showed some sort of care, some sort of longing, some sort of initiative that he wanted things to work out, that he wanted this as much as you do, then maybe you’ll come back to him again. that’s how it always was, right?

right?

behind you, you hear the car drive away.