#most the so called celebs I have had a crush on are still older than me

[curb-your-expectations]

That awkward moment when your art and entertainment producing “celeb” crushes start to get closer and closer to you in age until eventually you are either a.) the same age as one of them, b.) none of them are considered too old for you by societal standards anymore or c.) worst of all, you are at least a year or more older than one of them.

[koishua]

10 QUESTIONS FOR U - valentines edition

favorite color of roses?

favorite flowers?

you can send a love letter to anyone. fictional/idols/celebs. who?

which idols have the best rizz?

most rizzful mutual?

favorite petnames/nicknames? giving or recieving?

fictional characters you're in love with?

have you ever had an online crush?

songs that you want to play at your wedding?

fav breakup songs?

fav love-themed kpop song?

mutual with beautiful themes?

pink vs red ? coquette vs old money / preppy?

favorite sweets?

DRINK WATER + YOU ARE LOVED <3

aww thank you!! you're super lovely and loved too :((

blue roses, but i really really like light pink ones as well. the flower shop i used to work at had a bunch of colours hehe

i really really really like carnations and freesias and also there's a magnolia tree close by and its pink flowers are to die for

girl bye im way ahead of you im sending one to yoshinori lmao but like not in a romantic sense like i have never thought of him that way but i really do want to send him a love letter of sorts to express how much he means to me!! platonically!!

rizz... i would have to say for me personally heejake, jiwoong, jimin bc he's an actual people magnet, sunwoo omfg sunwoo goodbye?????? but the thing is san imo too?? i also kind of wanna add ningning too bc i would fold in point two seconds... also yunjin bc as much as i have always been a loyal chaewon ult, i would quite literally pass out if she looked at me like she looks at the girlies she's effortlessly rizzed

none of y'all have rizz goodness gracious bye in my head all of you are either cute or scary gremlins

i get called a bajillion nicknames irl idek atp?? but here i really really like it when ria calls me enna i just find it so so cute but i also like it when people call me vie!! it's short and simple and also kind of humorous bc c'est la vie. ps. i die of joy when ppl still call me vera from time to time tyvm it's like being reminded of my roots AS FOR PET NAMES!! i once got called kitten and it made me promptly hurl it was insane just insane it felt like an out of body exp. i love it when my friends call me girlie tho it makes me feel like such a girly pop. one of my friends calls me her honey and it's saur heartwarming. as for giving....... i like to call people my child lmao they could be older than me idc all of my friends are first and foremost my children. other than that i can't really call anyone anything else it's so awkward for me to give any sort of affection lol

im in love with natsume hyuga from gakuen alice idk if y'all know but me personally oof that black cat oof oof i used to burn with a passion for him. also chat noir from miraculous... im sensing a theme here. also jeong guwon bc he's an ass babygirl that i find super duper annoying but also sth about him being so big and protective like GIRLIESSSSS. although im always ALWAYS reserved for han seojun and han seojun only.

i never had a real online crush so no. really admired? yeah lots

never thought about that yet hold on i feel so ashamed as a self proclaimed the most hopeless romantic!! canon in D— just kidding. probably soft piano versions to romantic iu songs hehe

never felt it, but probably ending scene by iu bc i cry every time

SAURRRR MANY i have to create a list bc im an avid romantic genre listener omgomg

i haven't seen them in a while im sorry i can't pick ;-; @atrirose @boyfhee @yrhome @niningz @blueprint-han @cotccotc off the top of my head?? love your mobile themes muah muah i haven't seen your webs so i can't say much about them but im sure they're great!!

always a sucker for deep red and the old money aes. even had individual themes for both!! and i love when ppl dress preppy but i can't pull it off :(

I LOVE ANYTHING CHOCOLATE !! AND COFFEE !! opera cake, tiramisu, brownies, profiteroles, etc etc!!

[creativebrainrot]

I don't know your OCs very well, so I'll say this is for whomever you want to talk about most right now! 💖 🍊 🧡 😊 💧

thank youu <33 ill answer with Maelgwyn since i dont talk about him enough despite always thinking about him!

💖 Has your OC ever been in love, be it romantic or platonic or otherwise? Who with and did they ever express their feelings or keep it private? How long did these feelings persist / do they still feel this way?

(Romantically) Twice. For the very first time with a woman from Amnoon. It was an extremely natural progression, she was first to confess, but they both knew they loved eachother a while before that. They met eachother early on in his bounty hunter days. She was working at the Definitely-Just-A-Bar joint he frequented for work. The two parted ways when her and her family were accepted as refugees in Lion's Arch. She gave him her favorite earring, and he gave her his favorite ring. They always hoped to find eachother again. Maelgwyn just isn't willing to leave Elona. Neither ever stopped loving the other.

The second time he fell in love, it was with the Pact Marshall, Trahearne. (he lives in my lore.) It was one of those "maybe this is just a crush" > "oh no oh god oh fuck feelings oh n-" slowburn things on Gwyn's end. Trahearne was the first to confess his love, Maelgwyn was first to realize he was in love. They are still in love (post EoD) and live in the Crystal Desert together.

🍊 What is your OC’s favourite meal? Snack? Dessert? Drink? Any reasons behind this besides liking how it tastes?

any hearty meaty meal with vegetables and breads. curries, pot roasts, 1-pan fried meals, he fuckin' loves em. he really really loves curries. also really likes fruits. papaya & dragonfruit are favs.

🧡 Who is your OC’s favorite person? Why is this person the top of their list and have they actually met them (an idol or rolemodel or celeb can be someone’s favorite after all!).

Gwyn has two absolute favorite people in his life currently. The Bartender at his main haunt, and Trahearne. The Bartender- Zefiro, because he was like a father figure or an older brother. He tried pretty hard to help Gwyn with, life, basically. Zefiro and Gwyn are still close friends, and Gwyn still goes to that bar often.

Trahearne because when Gwyn met him he seemed to have everything under control. That cool, calm, collected Leader's demeanor was impressive to him, considering the pact's goals, and how many people looked up to Trahearne. Later, when Gwyn's tree became stronger and called him back to help the other Dusk Firstborn, Gwyn had no fuckin' clue about any of that firstborn shit. Trahearne helped him, a lot. (Gwyn was also very unprepared for having siblings, he spent his whole life convinced he'd be alone with only one person that got, understood, him.

😊 What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC generally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy?

His raptor Cricket, who is just a goofy bigass golden retriever disguised as a raptor. Good food and a good hunt. Gwyn is very stoic but on the inside he feels emotions a bit more vividly than other people. He's not happy-go-lucky at all but he's not a somber stick-in-the-mud like he looks like he'd be. In the right environment & mood he knows how to have a good time. Gwyn is very protective and kind underneath his exterior. He'll leave home-cooked lunches on his friends' desks after they've had a bad day, or slip a trinket they were admiring at the market into their bag. Just Because. (also prone to innocuous comments others find funny)

💧 What is the earliest memory your OC can recall? Do they know what their first words were or remember where they took their first steps? Do they have any mementos of their childhood they’ve kept such as a stuffed toy or tiny baby clothes?

Gwyn's earliest memories are his name and it's meaning being said, the cavern he woke up in, the strange and withered tree in front of him. Gwyn's first five years alive were the worst of his life, he's kept nothing from this time.

[Ask Game]

( @sleepysshadows )

[jimalim]

Because we already have too much stuff to write, @i-can-see-queerly-now and I randomly tag teamed this fun outline for a Leatin AU based off this prompt I saw on my dash. Enjoy!

“romcom about a lesbian seamstress and the joann employee who falls a little bit more in love every time she asks the corporate-mandated “so what are you making with this?” question and the seamstress goes on a passionate rant about her project it’s called girlfriend material”

Fatin's talent is noticed, and she gets a job designing for celebs and is so swamped with work she stops coming into the shop and Leah is sad her fave customer hasn’t been in for over a month

All her decades older coworkers tease Leah about having a crush on "that cute fast talker with the big hoops" The day Fatin comes back after a month of not being able to, she's so bummed cause Leah isn't working.

The coworkers are total wingman type tho

Leah's old lady manager who is like a loveable aunt to her, ends up giving Fatin Leah's number. She doesn't even preamble, just gives it to her unprompted saying "just cause" and winks at her

 Leah totally freaks when Fatin texts her

She doesn't believe it's actually Fatin. Assumes it's a coworker fucking with her

 Fatin totally sends her a selfie as proof

Bonus points of she takes it in the store with Doris (the coworker) photo bombing

Doris would text her "you’re welcome" after

All the other coworkers call foul play interference because they all had a side bet going on about when they'd finally get together.

Doris wins the bet and says it was fair game, she’s just smarter than them

Leah pretends to be upset but ultimately defends Doris' win because she's so grateful (Fatin's taking her out the next day)

She’s only a little embarrassed that they made bets on her. She didn’t think she was that obvious

"Oh honey, you turned into a sad puppy every time she left."

Leah made a comment once about how much she likes to read and Fatin remembered it so she takes her to a cool bookstore

Leah gets to info dump this time and Fatin is like "omg is this how I sound when I come into the store?" And Leah thinks Fatin thinks it's like a bad thing but Fatin flirts "no wonder you fell for me, it’s cute as hell" and she gives her major heart eyes the whole time

Leah just walks around the store looking at all the sections (it’s like a mom and pop shop and filled floor to ceiling with books). Leah never got the chance to go there. Fatin follows her around and just listens to her ramble

Fatin's loving every second of it because it's so refreshing to meet someone who also has a passion they are serious about because they love it, not because they are hustling/networking like most people she meets

Leah is just so energetic and full of life and it makes Fatin's heart all warm and fuzzy. I think Leah looks at a book and wants to buy it, but she’s a broke college student so she can’t afford it and Fatin offers to buy it but Leah politely declines. When they’re done in the bookstore, Fatin says she will meet her outside and buys it anyways. Leah might give her a kiss on the cheek as thank you because she’s too nervous to give her a kiss on the lips

Leah still promises to repay her somehow, and Fatin just asks for a second date which obviously Leah doesn't object to

Second date Leah finally gets the courage to kiss Fatin

[theriu]

So guys it is 3:30 am and I went scrolling to find Tumblr ads after that last one that both amused and scarred me. I wanted to take the plunge and investigate what Tumblr thinks I, or its users in general, desire if this is the baseline.

Lemme tell you, I have even less idea than before.

So we start tame, like they were tryna apologize for attacking my eyes with that half face of fear, and I got this gem:

I can only see half this pupper but he is already my hero. Still baffled by your choice of camera angles, but okay.

And then we got into this:

Thanks... for the advice... I guess? Seems like a valid way to gather flies, but I feel you’re trying to be helpful. I suppose the conclusion I am meant to draw is that Learning More will teach me why this obscure directive is at all relevant to my life, or anyone’s, but every good child knows we should NEVER jump to conclusions. I must abstain.

A few more scrolls then landed me on this whiplash change of topic:

Imma be honest, this just sounds like a math problem. I’m having surreal high school flashbacks. Also, I am a woman only tangentially from the 80s IF you count my birthday being in ‘89. I do not care who people twenty years older than me had a crush on before I was born. I just don’t know what you were expecting from me here, Tumblr.

But here is where things got (even more) odd, because further scrolling did not produce more new ads. Neither did refreshing the page. I got the vinegar bread tip again. Then the declaration of knowledge about the 80’s most adored celebrities.

Then the vinegar bread one popped up. AGAIN.

That’s three times. Three times I have been instructed in this bizarre bread-garbage ritual. Three is a significant number, right? What does this mean? Why does Tumblr so desperately want me to pour vinegar on bread and place it in my trashcan? I suppose I could click the link to find out, but the uncanny nature of this directive does not include such specifics. What urgent message are they trying to send?! I could look for the ad again, contemplate following its strange call, but surely I’m just as likely to find 30 80s celebs or puppies or that monstrous face-

Egads. It appeared a fourth time, almost instantly. I fear there may be something more dire involved here. The pull is too strong, and I am too sleep-deprived, and perhaps I am needed, but I shouldn’t-

I clicked the link.

Curse you and your unnaturally successful ad campaign, Tumblr. You have used my nightblogging and insomnia against me, and forced me to look at EVEN MORE ADS. The clickbait page was crawling with them, to the point of obscuring the “article.” I shan’t forget this.

You also made me skim through 31 Unique Life Hacks That Will Change Your Life to find out what the heck is up with this bread thing.

Guys. Not a single one of the 31 hacks had anything to do with the vinegar bread. Not. A. Single. One.

In conclusion: Tumblr ads are liars, and also insidious. Learn from my mistakes, and beware.

And now I shall go to BED!

~River

[sagestupidity]

Upcoming long-ass post ahead. Warning you now. It goes deep and it is long. There is a lot of personal information, but I wanted to get it out there for pride month. There is a tl;dr at the end. If tumblr mobile allowed for a page break like the old days, I'd use it now

Tw: homophobia, religious bigotry, sexuality, biphobia

I remember the first time I heard about homosexuality. I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, at daycare, in a tree house with 2 other kids my age. They had just learned a new word and were throwing it around every other sentence that day. Lesbian. "What, are you a lesbian?", "so and so is a lesbian hahaha" "only a lesbian would say something like that". I had no idea what this word meant, I was a sheltered 8 or 9 year old. These daycare friends explained what it meant. "It's when girls like other girls, like boyfriend and girlfriend, but they're both girls". For a half second, my world was rocked. I had no idea that was something someone could do. That was a option? 🎆. Before I could even think about it further, the next sentence came out of their mouth "that's so gross, right?". Well shit, they were explaining it to me, they must have been the expert. "Yeah, that's so gross". I couldn't possibly be a lesbian, I'm not gross, I'm Megan, I like bubble baths and art and fairytale stories of princes and princesses. I'm not gross, and therefore definitely not a lesbian.

When I got a bit older about ages 10-12, my parent's signed me up for a week of vacation Bible school out in Pine Idaho every summer. For most of those summers, I went with my mom's boss's granddaughter who was about my age. Her name was Alex. She was super cool and a nice friend. Very much a typical tom boy. Had a bionicle collection, wore a lot of sporty clothes, even got some of her clothes from the boy section. I was sooo jealous of how cool Alex was. But whenever I was shopping with my mom, and tried to pick out less feminine items, I'd get lectured "that's for boys Megan, you can't have that, it's weird that you like this, Megan". no matter how much I liked it, how much I thought about how Alex was allowed to branch out like that. Why couldn't I?

From then to grade 7, I was in my femme bubble. I wore a ton of pink, because I looked up to Elle Woods from legally blonde. I'd have an occasional crush on the class emo. Loving long hair and eyeliner on guys, but otherwise despising everyone else in middle school because i was getting bullied mercilessly. I reclused into books and movies, like Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean

I was transfered to Idaho arts charter school. Where the girl to boy ratio was about 7 to 1. We had no sport program besides competitive dance. My family started going to a WELS lutheran church, and for a while, none of this conflicted. Little did I notice, that my church and my upbringing were compiling into some bad homophobia on my part. I was taught that gay people were against God and were going to hell. Gay people were "gross" after all. I was told by my own parents that if I *became* a lesbian, they'd drag me to the pastor's house and have an exorcism performed on me. The idea of even kissing a girl with romantic intent made my stomach flip and my chest hurt. That's just proof of how disgusting and wrong it is... right?

But being in a school dedicated to the performing arts eventually caught up with that. Sure there were gay kids at my school. Our main export was musical theater and dance. But I wasn't friends with any of them, so it was fine. Until someone from my friend group came out. For his privacy, I'll call him A, since I still know people that know him IRL. I had been friends with A for a while before he came out as gay. I wouldn't say we were close, but I'd say we were friends. When he did come out as gay, it was like a dumb homophobic light went out. A wasn't any different just because he was gay, he was still my friend, and nothing changed except my worldview.

Nothing.else.changed.

Whenever I brought A up when telling a story to my parents, they'd interrupt with "you mean the friend that's going to hell" as if that was his name and they were correcting me now that he was an out gay teen. I dug my heels in and became a gay ally for my friend, A. Delving into gay rights as a special interest.

By the time I was 16, I was approaching the next metaphorical hurdle. I noticed I didn't really have any crushes... on anyone. I had friends. I liked fictional characters from books and anime and the occasional celeb. I just thought I had high standards for boys I would date. But I couldn't like girls. What would that even look like? It was pre 2010. The only girls into girls I ever saw were on posters in boy's rooms, or straight girls kissing to get male attention. It took a lot of work to realize God didn't hate gay people and even more work to realize that that could apply to me too. I came out as bi to only my friends at age 17.

I graduated, went off to college. Got a dorm mate, who we will call M. M was also bi, and she had the experience to back it up, supposedly. More experience than me, who hadn't really dated anyone at all. M somehow forced me back in the closet. She insisted I wasn't bi because I had never dated or kissed or anything with a woman. I had just barely had my first kiss with anyone that summer. I was only "bicurious" because how could I possibly know until I finally had experience like she did. So I shrunk myself, and only saw boys, because they gave me attention. Girls only saw me as straight, because I wasn't bi, I was "bicurious".

It took a lot of work to bust out of the bi closet a second time.

I lived my life as a bi woman. Constantly changing my spot on the kinsey scale until these past 7 years or so. I made a realization.

I don't really like guys. I'd sleep with them. I appreciated the validation I felt when I did. But I didn't really like them.

So I juggled with the queer label. Because my sexuality was complicated. Sure, I'd sleep guys, didn't mean I was attracted to them, it's not like it meant anything.

Any time I tried on the lesbian label, I'd get yelled at by a lesbian for being biphobic. They'd say stuff like "lesbians don't like guys", "stop bring men into lesbianism" "lesbians don't want to sleep with guys". No amount of me explaining that I don't like men would convince them. So back to the queer label I went.

I got married to a woman in 2019. And was content with the queer label.

But this year, 2021-

I started reading The Lesbian Document™. Learning that my occasional crush on a male celeb didn't really count as attraction to men.(sorry Bo Burnham).

I made a bit of a realization. I knew I didn't really like men, I was just ok with the idea of sleeping with them. But the idea of being with men felt similar to binge drinking.

They were both

Easily accessible

Toxic

Dangerous/thrilling

Coping mechanisms for deeper issues

I realized I was using the idea of sex with men as self harm, and I should probably stop that.

To wrap up this whole long-ass biography- I'm coming out a third time.

My name is Megan.

I'm 28 years old.

My pronouns are she/they.

And I'm a lesbian.

tl;dr:

[cloveroctobers]

SEBASTIAN “SEB” KATSAROS —

IG bio/info: @/s3bgl00m | 17.4k followers | i hate it here. i hate my username name too. Listen to my podcast wth my mate here...open.Spotify.com/podcast/?!.doomngloom

28 years of age

Born & raised in Liverpool, England...don’t ask if he’s met the Beatles he will completely ignore you if you do

Music shop owner in the heart of town

It’s called, “Kicking Kettles”

loves collecting vinyls, cassette tapes, & cds sorry, what did you expect?

His mother is a children’s illustrator

She’s Ashkenazi Jewish

His father is a graphic designer

And is from Nafplio, Greece

They’ve been separated for about a year now, with seb’s father living in France

His mother was skeptical on dating around while she was in a place of uncertainty in her marriage but with a deep discussion with her husband, then her children, she slowly went forward just to see what was out there & found that she wasn’t sure if she’d be open permanently with other beings

Seb was similar to his mother in many ways...

Has a older sister by 2 years named, Xenia...she’s very bossy, a busy-body, & is very vocal. The opposite of seb

she used to beat up guys just for them to turn around and ask her out on dates, a few of them tried to bully seb but Xenia was not having that ofc

very close to his family, even if things are a little off between mum & dad

I feel like he went through a buzzed hair phase & when he finally made the choice to start growing out his hair, going on 4-5 years now, everyone seemed to approve

Even if they didn’t? It be no matter, sure he’d feel a little awkward if someone he cared about didn’t like it but he was sure they would get over it OR get used to it

The hair only comes out when he’s showering or going to bed

His best friend who’s a barber (and a bit of a douche) tells him he’s got to let his hair breathe more often or he’ll have breakage, seb doesn’t think it’s that serious? He’s not sure how much longer he’ll keep the bun now anyways...

This same friend encouraged him to get a “Pompadour” haircut & seb’s never been so offended before in his life, “I wouldn’t want to look like the rest of you knob-heads.”

Anyways, he takes care of his hair the best way he knows how and it seems to work for him...some slightly expensive haircare products here and there & a trimmer & he’s good to go

When he first started growing his hair out, he felt like he needed to go to the salon to know how to manage it. After awhile he learned how to do it on his own + you save $ that way

uses his hands to talk or holds one hand in the other when having a conversation since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands exactly

He’s a chapstick kinda guy who always loses his before he can finish it (been there)

Absolutely loves Japanese food and eats it almost everyday

Japanese Mayo is the superior condiment, bill can stfu!!

probably watches anime

owns a bunch of vans, beanies, and hoodies

smokes hookah every now & then but isn’t too crazy about it

canon: catlover! I feel like he would have a Sphynx, Abyssinian, Ocicat, or oriental shorthair + was over the moon when his baby had babies !!!

He wanted to keep all 5 of the kittens but knew he probably couldn’t, at least not forever but he was going to wait until they were all at least a few months before he decided to put them up for adoption...which sucks but would ultimately be the best choice, maybe???

tried eyeliner again outside of the villa & finds pencil or pomade is better than the standard liquid liner

likes black nail polish but is slightly embarrassed to be seen out with it, it’s the same thing with the eyeliner...he’s not that confident

the guy is a huge blusher & he despises the fact that his face betrays him 80% of the time

often gets nosebleeds

loves red wine especially if it’s on a rainy day and he’s home to fully enjoy it, he feels like he’s on his grown man shit when he does so

I feel like he’d be a fan of the umbrella academy & thinks it’s way better than stranger things...him & nick have argued over this on doom n gloom!

Five is his favorite

Everything he owns is in either black, red, gray/grey, or green

His main phobia is emetophobia (fear of v*mit) & he won’t share why, that’s just what it is

Introvert!

Canon: he’s not a Aquarius

So wtf r ya? Nick & I would like to know plz

Virgo sun? + Taurus moon? + Pisces rising?

I feel like he’s one of those people that feels the need to bring a backpack with him everywhere and you can imagine it to be black ofc

“Who tf are you Linus? But with a backpack?” His sister often jokes (I do this with my sibs, both of them love carrying backpacks. Me on the other hand? I don’t have time for the shit)

He drives a shitty car from the 90s that’s Engine sounds as if it’s about to blow

but 100% perfers to drive his moped, Atticus around

played football (soccer) growing up to help get rid of his asthma

Cannot sleep with the tv on or any form of light around him, it has to be completely dark & quiet!

He’ll only do so if it’s with Genevieve since you know they’re trying this whole long distance thing out

Are one of those couples that will fall asleep on the phone/cpu together

Genevieve might be the, “no you hang up first” & seb will actually hang up the phone and get into bed lmao

Just for vieve to call back like?!! “I can’t believe you’ve done this!

“Well you said—

“Never mind what I said, sebz!!! It’s extremely rude...”

his last relationship before Genevieve lasted 6-8 months (there was a time when he felt like he was unsure if he was still in a couple with that person, isn’t that a shame?)

his love language is acts of service, he’ll do things for you to ease your worries out of love and not obligation so that you feel valued as his partner & I believe he wants this in return as well

I think he’s a bit of a worry wart too when it comes to certain things even if his exterior might show him trying to hide it

He was super nervous to get his first tattoo on his chest, “if words fail, music speaks” but he found that the slight pain was worth it? And quite nice! then he kept going back monthly and soon enough his arms were completely covered

mum hated it, her baby boy was becoming a man! (It’s not like he’s almost 30 but you know how moms are)

Deff has a collection of silver rings, he’s tried out necklaces but he thinks he looks better with his rings

The slit in his brow came from trying to squeeze thru the broken patio glass door with his sis as if it were some booby trap (not exactly, but a safety hazard forsure!) & a piece of glass fell from above slicing his brow and left him with 4 stitches

Secretly into watching those dating shows before and after experiencing it himself

people he enjoyed seeing on the Telly from previous seasons: jen, jake, talia, erikah, lottie, Noah, Carl, Kassam, Priya, & Hannah

AJ is his best girl friend (besides vieve) they FaceTime quite a bit & chat shit to each other on the daily

Feels like she fits in well with his friend group, which just contains his barber friend — they put up with his banter & give it right back to him but he can also be vulnerable & comfortable with those around him so that’s always a plus

It’s the same with nick, except they share a hobby together, their podcast & that’s what seb wants to keep it as, a hobby, for fun & giggles yet nick is thinking about getting paid for what they do. He thinks it’s a great idea whereas seb doesn’t want this to turn into a career/chore

He’s perfectly happy at kicking kettles

He feels strongly about his stance while nick is on both sides

They’ll figure it out, soon.

How are things outside of the villa & since the boat party? They all have a group chat that they randomly speak up in, in the beginning they would do morning and goodnight texts but that became tedious so they settled for either or. Or simply just checking in to see how each other’s days went with seb secretly being the most curious to everyone’s days

Things are awkward between him and Yasmin, he kinda avoids talking to her tbh & not because he doesn’t want to...its just yeah it’s not the same with him and aj where they can easily move forward, it feels like pulling teeth with Yasmin since they’re some what similar & it seems like she’s waiting on him to take the lead on fixing some imagined issue they have with each other? It’s weird idk

Lives in a cramped studio apartment, it works for him so he doesn’t need any inputs thank you

celeb crushes? Demi lovato, Hwasa, Amanda Seyfried, & Birgundi Angel Baker

as for music? Sleeping with sirens, pierce the veil, teagan & Sara, the pierces, panic!at the disco, all time low, twenty one pilots, x-ambassadors, awolnation, jon bellion— listen when atl dropped? Seb felt like he was reborn okay?! , Japanese breakfast, & great grandpa

Anthem = The Postal Service, “Such great heights”

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 7: Raining in London

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which Harry is away, his sister is dealing with something, and a new love sparks.

Warning: SMUT (because why not?)

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link

A/N: comments are MUCH appreciated. Please give me some reviews folks.

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Harry woke up to the sound of running water and his girlfriend’s singing in the shower. Hearing the song he had sung to her yesterday on the rooftop put a big smile on his face, but his head started pounding as soon as he sat up. That was a reminder for him to never drink like that again. Though he could remember most of the events last night, it had been quite long since he last partied like that. And God, was twenty-five really that old?

Amused by the thought, he ran his palms over his face and got up, dragging his feet to the bathroom. Y/N didn’t hear him come in so she didn’t stop singing while he stripped off his clothes and hung them up. He could see her naked silhouette through the frosted glass shower door, and seeing it first thing in the morning made him incredibly horny. That had answered his previous question. He wasn’t that old.

He pulled the door open and she snapped her head to look over her shoulder, eyes bugging out when she saw his face. “You scared me, dickhead,” she grumbled.

“Sorry, baby,” he laughed, wrapping his arms around her from behind. She moaned with her eyes closed, feeling his hard cock standing at attention between her ass cheeks. “You didn’t fuck me last night,” he fussed, and she shook with laughter.

“You were so fucking drunk.”

“I’m sober now...and so fucking hard,” Harry growled in her ear, grinding his shaft against her soft flesh which made her she gasp loudly. He moved one hand to her breast, squeezing it and pinching her hard nipple, his other hand cupping her chin and turning her face around so he could slide his tongue against hers. Lowering his other hand from her stomach, he squeezed his cock and gave it a few strokes before guiding it inside her dripping pussy.

She was so slick that he could just slip right in, but he knew he was big so he thrust slowly to get her used to the fullness. She tossed her head back on his shoulder, her mouth fell open as she begged him to just fuck her. And who was he to disobey? He wrapped his arm back around her waist and began to fuck her hard and fast, telling her how much he loved her over and over again. It didn’t take too long for her to shout out his name as he shot his cum into her, fucking her through it.

They fucked one more time in the bedroom and decided to take some rest before they went downstairs for breakfast. They lay naked in the tangled sheets, their legs intertwined. He was lying on his back, one arm above his head, the other draped around her back, while she was lying on her side, her head on his arm. During these moments, he loved to pretend that they had all the time in the world to do whatever they wanted, and they chose to spend it on each other alone.

“What’s wrong?” he asked when she propped up on her elbow.

“I almost forgot, Gemma was here last night.”

“Yeah, I remember.”

“You two made up, right?”

“I think so." He sat up with her, rubbing his hand up and down her naked back. "I’m gonna have to call her again later just to be sure."

“I agree.” She ran her fingers through his hair, pushing it back to reveal his forehead. “Also, Jeffrey told me to let you know that there's this event in LA for the Oscar nominees, and you have to attend."

“When?”

“In two days.”

“Noooooo!” He pinned her down on the bed. Her cry of surprise turned into laughter as he buried his face between her breasts, lying fully on top of her. “I don’t want to be away from you again!”

“I know, baby, I know." She smiled, patting his hair.

“Come with me.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Please?” He pouted and nudged her cheek with his nose like a cat. “Wanna show you off, baby.”

“You know I don't like those fancy dinner parties.”

“But you’ll have me. We’ll have the best time, I promise. Leo will also be there.”

She let out a faint giggle and cupped his cheeks, turning his face back up. “You could name all of my celeb crushes and the answer is still no. I still have to attend lectures and work on my book.”

“Right, you’re officially a writer now.”

“Not yet, but almost,” she snorted amusedly, pushing him back so she could sit up.

He stayed between her legs, resting his head on her chest while she had her arms around him. With his eyes closed, he mumbled, “I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

“So am I,” she said, her lips curved. “But hey, I’m only gonna baby you for two more minutes because I have classes to attend and you have a radio interview before lunch.”

He groaned, bringing his hand up to cup one of her breasts. He loved being handsy, and it never bothered her. “I think you’re even better than my assistant, Bambi.”

“That’s because your assistant sucks, no offence.”

“None taken. To be honest, I didn’t really want an assistant but Jeff insisted,” he complained while circling his fingertip around her nipple, smirking when she shuddered.

“Well, if I fail to publish my book, please fire her and hire me.”

“Then I guess I’m stuck with her because you’re gonna become the best writer in the world!”

Before she could come up with a response, he ducked under the covers, holding her legs apart and put his mouth to her clit. She cried out in surprise, yanking his head up by his hair. Seeing his moist lips curved into a cheeky grin, she couldn’t hold back a moan. “I said two minutes.”

“I only need thirty seconds,” he answered before slipping back under the covers. Y/N dropped her head on the pillow and arched her back off the bed as his skilful tongue lapped at her juices, making her toes curl and her jaw tight. Another wave of pleasure soon washed over her as his fingers glided in and out of her sensitive pussy, and she screamed his name, riding out another intense orgasm.

With a smug look on his face, he hovered above her and pressed his lips to her cheek, so she pulled him down and kissed him like she wanted to devour him.

“You’re gonna be late,” he reminded her in an arrogant tone, and she could feel his smirk against her neck. He was hard and poking her thigh again.

“Fuck, you’re gonna be the death of me,” she mewled with her eyes shut, hastily wrapping her legs around his waist.

.

.

.

Gemma was agitated; she kept tapping her fingers on the table while her coffee was getting cold. Another employee rushed into the shop and apologised for being late, but it wasn’t the one she’d been waiting for. It seemed like she wasn’t in luck as Emilia didn’t go to work today. She rolled her eyes, resting her chin on her knuckles as she picked up her cup and finally took a sip. At least the drink was good so she wasn’t at all annoyed.

The sound of her ringtone turned the heads of two other customers at the table beside her, so she apologised to them and quickly answered the call.

“Good to know you’re alive,” she joked as soon as Harry said hello.

“I wasn’t that drunk.” He let out a low laugh, his voice was raspy. “I called to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m very okay. Thanks for asking.”

“Come on, Gem.”

Gemma leaned back against the chair, folding one arm on her stomach. “Well, I’m still pretty pissed off. You did a shitty thing, Harry.”

“I know.”

“But I guess I can’t stay angry at my brother forever.”

“Thank you,” he said, relief was etched in his voice. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I’m very sorry, Gem.”

“Are you?”

“I am, deeply.”

“All right.” She shrugged, drawing circles around the rim of her cup. “Then you have to do something for me.”

“Anything.”

“I need you to tell Mum about Winton and his daughter.”

“Wait...what?”

“Did I stutter?”

“Gem, I don’t think Mum would--”

“She would be devastated if you let her find out on her own. I was going to tell her myself but you brought this upon us so now it’s your chance to fix it.”

Harry stayed silent for a moment. She assumed that he was taking his time to weigh the pros and cons as he always did when he had to make a tough decision. Eventually, he said, “fine, I’ll tell Mum. I’ll go back home this weekend and tell her in person.”

“Good,” she murmured, a small smile tugged at her lips.

“You know I love you, right?” he said after a moment.

“Of course,” she replied, eyes fixed on the coffee cup. “I love you, too.”

They said goodbye and ended the call. Gemma exhaled sharply, quite happy to get rid of the weight on her mind, but her comfort didn’t last for long as a text popped up on her screen. She zeroed in on it when she saw her boyfriend’s name.

⌲ Asher: Where are you?

Her eyes rolled back as she let out a low groan and picked up the phone again.

⌲ London, she typed, and sent.

He didn’t take too long to respond.

⌲ Asher: Still?

Her eyes stretched wide in disbelief. She chewed on her lip, trying to keep her composure while typing down her reply.

⌲ What does that even mean? I already told u why I had to go back

⌲ Asher: Yeah, your fucked up dad and famous brother, I’m fucking tired of hearing about your family drama

⌲ Asher: My family was kind enough to invite you on this trip and you just fucking left like that

Gemma clenched her teeth, her hand on the table tightened into a fist as she reread his messages over and over again. Eventually, she put her phone on airplane mode, leaving him on read and hoping that she could finish her coffee without being disturbed.

.

.

.

Two days later, Harry flew to LA and Y/N had her first appointment with her literary agent. She arrived at Laura’s office ten minutes earlier and the assistant told her to wait outside while Laura was on the phone. Although she knew she was Laura Hilfgard’s client and the woman had repeatedly praised her book, sitting in that corridor on her own filled her up with anxiety as if she was about to go in for a job interview. She tapped her foot impatiently, scratching her nails on her leather bag and chewing on her lip. Ten minutes felt like twenty, and as soon as she heard the door unlocked, she stood right up, holding her breath.

“Y/N!” Laura appeared with a smile and nodded her head for Y/N to enter. “Come in, darling. Sorry for keeping you waiting.”

Y/N followed the older woman into her office. It was the most British-looking office she had ever seen, like one of the rooms in Hogwarts, with velvety-brown wallpapers, wooden furniture, and vintage decorations on the window panes. On her desk sat a laptop, a notebook lying open, and a stack of papers sitting under a cat-shaped paperweight. Laura sat down behind her desk and told Y/N to take a seat in the swivel chair.

Laura Hilfgard had the look of a Hollywood actress from the 60s, with a defined face, chestnut-colour short hair, and bold red lips. Though her appearance screamed ‘boss-lady’, there was something childlike in the way that she smiled. For someone who was turning forty-two, she didn’t look a day over thirty. She could be the cool aunt Y/N never had. And she was smart, probably in the top five of the smartest people Y/N had ever met. They started off the meeting with small talks to break the ice before they went on to discuss the manuscript. The conversation flowed so easily, like two friends chatting about a fictional couple that they adored.

Y/N didn’t pay attention to how much time had passed since she arrived, until Laura glanced at the clock and cried out, “oh dear, it’s almost lunch!”

“I’m sorry for taking too much of your time,” Y/N said, but Laura waved her off.

“No, don’t be sorry. It was my pleasure, darling.”

They exchanged a hug before saying goodbye, and Y/N left her office, dizzy with excitement. The girl almost jumped for joy when she headed out of the building, and she decided to walk home despite the darkened cloudy sky.

The air was cool and moist. She breathed in deeply with her open mouth, her hands jammed in the pockets of her coat as she dodged hurrying pedestrians who were in a rush to get home before it rained. Y/N was so confident that she would make it back to her block without getting wet, but it was never a good idea to underestimate Mother Nature. Little droplets alighted on her face as a friendly warning, and then huge bullets of rain began to beat down on her like an ambush from the sky. She managed to find shelter under the roof of a grocer’s, laughing at herself for being so stupid.

The rain poured and poured, a sight she should have gotten used to after all the years living in London but somehow she still got amazed every time she witnessed it. She wasn’t in a hurry anyway so it wasn’t a bad idea to stay and watch the rain instead of wading out in this downpour. Shifting from one foot to the other to find some comfort in her damp shoes, she pulled out her phone, snapped a photo of the opaque scene and sent it to Harry with the message: It’s raining in London.

As she put her phone away, someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned around, almost bumping into Blake. The corners of her mouth slid upward as Blake faltered, raising a smile. He had just left the grocer’s, still very clean and dry.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, raising his arm to shield her face from the rain.

“I was walking home when it started pouring,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “I met Laura today. I was going to tell you when I got home.”

He laughed, flashing his teeth. “How did it go?”

“Pretty well. I feel like I can’t thank you enough.”

Blake watched the rain as he wetted his lips and let out a breath. She was wondering what he was thinking about when he turned back to her and said, “you said you’d buy me dinner, right?”

“Right.” She almost forgot. “Are you free tomorrow night?”

“No, but I’m free tonight.”

“But...it’s raining.”

“I live right next to you. We can just order in.”

“Oh.”

“But we’d better hurry back. It looks like it’s going to rain much harder,” said Blake as he opened his black umbrella, giving her a gentle look. “Come on. Let’s go.”

“Hold on.” She put up a finger when her phone buzzed inside her bag. She hastily reached for it and checked Harry’s reply. It was a photo of the sunny cloudless sky attached to the message: Missing you in LA. She giggled out loud and put her phone back into her bag, receiving Blake’s questioning stare.

“Harry,” she told him. He said nothing as she pulled herself close to his side to fit under the umbrella, and together they stepped out in the downpour.

.

.

.

Gemma sat by the large window of the coffee shop, watching the raindrops dance on the pavement. London streets were less busy on rainy days, not that she complained though. It was hypnotic and rather enjoyable watching it pour, but only when she was dry and warm indoors, otherwise she would hate it so much. A waitress finally brought her the strawberry cake she had ordered ten minutes ago. She wasn’t craving sweet food, but if she was going to be stuck here for a few hours at most, she couldn’t take their table with only a cup of coffee.

As a few more people walked into the shop, a familiar face caught Gemma’s attention. Isaac shook the rain from his umbrella, hung it by the entrance and headed to the counter to order a black coffee to go. It was only when he took his drink and turned around that he spotted her and his face lit up. He crossed the room to her table as she got up and they shared a friendly hug. She didn’t expect to run into him, but it made sense because he was close to Emilia. He's probably here for the same reason, she thought.

“Are you here to see her?” he asked when they pulled apart.

“Yes, but she’s not here today.” Gemma lifted her shoulders, sitting back and nodding at the chair in front of her. “Wanna join me? I’ve been lonely all morning.”

“Sure.” His eyes crinkled as he grabbed a seat. “I saw you at the party the other night but you left before I got a chance to say hello.”

“Yeah well, those parties aren’t really my thing,” she replied. “I was only there for Harry.”

“You must be very proud.”

“I would’ve been prouder if he hadn’t messed up, but he’s the only sibling I’ve got. I can’t be mad at him forever.”

Isaac shifted in his chair, his shoulders tensed as he peered at the cup between his palms. Gemma was quick to notice the subtle change in his expression and let out a snort. “Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.”

“You’re not?” he asked, lifting his face.

“Well, I was a bit upset when Y/N told me, but I guess you just meant well.”

Isaac didn’t respond right away so she asked him what was wrong, and he said, “I have to tell you something,” a frown marking his lips. She leaned forward, her heart racing.

“I didn’t give Emilia your number,” he finally confessed. “She got it from Harry’s assistant.”

“How the hell does she know his assistant?”

“She met her at a photoshoot.”

“And the assistant just...gave out my number to someone she barely knows?” Gemma scoffed, raising both eyebrows.

“Emilia is very good at convincing people to do things for her.”

“So she’s manipulative?”

Isaac rubbed his forearms, somewhat agreeing but didn’t feel like he should say it out loud. Gemma, however, wasn’t as gracious.

“That girl is hiding something, I knew it!” she hissed, leaning back against the chair. “Do you know why she doesn’t go to work anymore? I’ve come here for three days in a row but I haven’t met her.”

“Did she know you were coming?”

“I doubt that.” Gemma shook her head. “Have you told Harry by the way?”

“No.”

“Good. He’s happy with his Oscar nomination. Let’s keep it that way.” As Gemma tilted her head to rest it upon her hand, she noticed the way his blue eyes bored into her and her heart thumped wildly in her chest.

“You’re the best sister I’ve ever met,” he said before she could ask. So she rolled her eyes, a smile lingering at her lips.

“You have a little brother right? I assume you would do the same if you were me.”

“You’re right, but I still admire you for all that you’ve been through.” He grinned. “I admire you both.”

“Stop, you’re making me blush,” Gemma laughed, and she wasn’t kidding at all. The pink colour of her cheeks was prominent on her pale face which gave Isaac the sign that he should change the subject.

“How’s Anne?” he asked.

“Oh, she’s doing much better. We talked on the phone last night and she was over the moon about Harry’s nomination,” Gemma said and took a sip of coffee, not making eye contact with Isaac anymore. She didn’t want to mention that Harry was going to tell their mum about Winton, but then she began to question if it was the right thing to make him do.

“Good for her,” Isaac interrupted her thought. She kept the coffee spoon in her mouth as he asked, “how’s your boyfriend?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.” She scoffed. “But let’s not talk about him.”

“Okay,” Isaac agreed, no questions asked.

.

.

.

When Y/N and Blake arrived at their block, the rain was letting up and the traffic was busy again. She saw a familiar car pass by and parked right in front of the building. As Blake closed his umbrella, she rushed forward without telling him why. He was baffled until he saw Niall got out of the Range Rover and caught her with both arms, hugging her tightly despite her wet clothes.

“Y/N! I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you!” She moved back, holding his face. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you of course.” Then he saw Blake, and his smile faded. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, this is Blake. Blake, this is--”

“Niall Horan.” Blake stepped forward and shook his hand. “Big fan. Your music is awesome.”

Niall had no hard time accepting the compliment. He snickered and puffed out his chest, arm around Y/N. “I like this kid already,” he said, smiling at her, and that was when she knew.

“Did Harry tell you to come?” She folded her arms, leering at him.

“Harry said you might be lonely.” He gave a shrug, not even denying it.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and rolled her eyes as she murmured, “I knew it” loud enough for both men to hear.

Blake stayed silent, so Niall had to speak, “well, I’m here now so would you like to invite me in?”

“Sure, let’s go. I live on the fifth floor,” she said to Niall, giving Blake a subtle shrug and leading the way.

Niall was born into wealth so it was very unlikely that he had been in a place like this if not to film a depressing music video. While his eyes darted everywhere in disbelief, Y/N had to hold back her laughter.

“Now I know why Harry wants you to move out of here,” Niall said, breathing hard as they stopped at her door. Y/N didn’t take offence at the remark as she knew how Niall was. Blake, on the other hand, was unable to hide his irritation with a straight face. She just knew him too well. She raised both eyebrows at him when she unlocked the door, and he raised his shoulders to reassure her that he was perfectly fine.

Their secret conversation went right over Niall’s head. He turned to Blake as Y/N pushed the door open. “Are you joining us for dinner, Blake?”

“Us?” Y/N snorted.

“Yes, Y/N. We’ll order in and call H. It’s gonna be fun.”

Y/N didn’t not like the idea, but since she still owed Blake dinner, she had to let him decide if he wanted Niall (and possibly Harry) to eat with them tonight. She looked over at him, and he gave a lopsided grin. “Maybe next time,” he said.

“Guess it’s just you and me, Y/N!” Niall brightened, completely unbothered by how disappointed Blake appeared to be. As soon as he had entered his own flat, Niall asked her, “were you about to have dinner with him?”

She stepped aside for him to come in and closed the door, pointing to the sofa. He sat down before she actually told him to.

“Harry sent you because he doesn’t trust me," she murmured while aggressively kicking off her wet shoes.

“No, no, no!” Niall raised both hands when she shot him a glare. “I only said that to piss off your ex. Harry has no idea I’m here. I promise.”

“Really?”

“I swear on my life.”

“That’s a bit dramatic, Niall.”

“That’s because you don’t believe me.”

Y/N pursed her lips as she held his stare for almost five seconds, knowing he couldn’t keep eye contact with the person he was lying to. Once he had succeeded, she shrugged off her damp coat, hung it up by the door, and joined him on the couch. “So what are you doing here then?”

“Harry told me you’d found an agent so I came to congratulate you.”

“Harry is like an embarrassing mum,” she snorted, resting her head upon her knuckles. “Last night, he called my dad and they talked for hours about how proud they were of me as if I’d won the Oscar for Best Screenplay or something.”

“That’s terrible. They’re terrible people. It sucks to be you!” he grumbled and she smacked his arm, both of them laughing.

Niall ordered pizza while Y/N took a shower, then they sat on the sofa and got updates on Harry via the Instagram stories of the celebrities at the event in LA. Y/N knew her boyfriend was already too drunk to answer his phone, but from what she’d seen, he was having the best time of his life. He was dancing in one of the stories, chugging a beer in another, which made her regret that she had refused to come with him. But then she also wondered, would he still be having fun had she agreed to go with him? She stopped herself right there. She’d had a good day so far, there was no time for unhappy thoughts.

“I guess we can’t call him tonight,” Niall said while scrolling down the photos of the celebrities at the event. “God, Ruby should just fire her stylist. What is she wearing?”

“Ruby Ellis?” Y/N flinched. “Is she also nominated?”

“No, but I heard that she was gonna present an award this year.” Niall chuckled. “What? Are you worried?”

“No. It’s just...weird to think about her now.” She shook her head. “I mean, if I were there, we would probably run into her and it’d be so...awkward.”

She was quick to catch his smirk, so she asked him “what?” in a mirthful manner.

“You two are a couple,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Harry had that same look on his face when he told me about Blake,” Niall said with a beam. “It’s not the ‘I don’t trust him or her with his or her ex’ kind of look, but more like ‘I love him or her too much and it makes me paranoid for the stupidest reasons’. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him and vice versa, so you’re just afraid to lose each other.”

“I guess you’re right.” She tittered, rubbing her forehead.

“Anyway, just to be clear, I came to see you. It had nothing to do with your ex-boyfriend slash neighbour, although the way he looked at you made me feel quite uncomfortable,” Niall said in between laughs.

“Yeah, you weren’t being subtle.” She nodded mirthfully.

He turned and rested his head on his hand. “I really like you, Y/N. I don’t have lots of friends besides Harry and Isaac, close friends I mean. And I really like you.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” she told him and offered her hand. He shook it firmly with a delightful smirk. Both of them broke into laughter again. Funny how she had always believed that the best friendships were the most unexpected.

.

.

.

“...and then guess what? He told me, with a straight face, ‘there’s another bathroom on the other side of the house’,” Gemma exaggerated her version of her brother’s accent and gestures, which sent Isaac into a fit of laughter. He was laughing so hard that he almost fell off the chair, holding his aching sides.

“I’m sorry, Gem,” he said in between gasps for air, finally regaining control of himself. “I didn’t mean to laugh so hard.”

“I don’t mind,” she said delightedly. “It’s flattering, really. Not many people would think I’m funny.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Not at all. In fact, my boyfriend said he would pay me to stop telling jokes.”

The beam on Isaac’s face fell as soon as he heard. “That’s so mean.”

“Yeah…” Her lips formed a straight thin line as she stared blankly at the empty cups between their hands. “But well, I always make fun of Harry’s sense of humour, so I guess that’s karma.”

This time, he didn’t laugh at her attempt to lighten up the mood. He raised a sympathetic smile, looking over at the window to see that the rain was letting up. “Wanna get out of here? I’ll give you a ride back to your hotel.”

“Yes, please, I’ve been sitting here for too long my butt is getting numb,” she said, and they broke into laughter again.

Isaac followed her to the door and opened his umbrella as she threw on her coat. They stepped out into the humid air of September’s ending, taking a deep breath at the same time and exchanging awkward smiles before turning away. It was strange, this feeling inside her chest, but she decided to ignore it and glanced back at him. He patted his pockets to search for his phone and pulled it out, asking her to wait while he replied to a text from his manager.

“Every single time I see you, you’re working,” she said, her lips arched.

“Well, Lee is super pissed at me right now,” he chuckled while typing. “I was supposed to be at this meeting with him but I moved it back a day.”

“Because of me?” Her smile faltered then faded.

He sent the text, put the phone away, and their eyes met again. “Because of me, actually. I was distracted by our conversation and forgot. But it’s also your fault for being so funny.”

She didn’t know what was happening in her mind at that moment. She tiptoed and lifted her chin, pressing her lips to his. He sucked in a breath. He hadn’t expected that, but surely didn’t deny her as he deepened the kiss until she gasped and pushed away. The action stirred him, and he reached for her hand but she stepped back, shaking her head.

“Goodbye,” was all she said before slipping into the crowd of pedestrians. While trying to decide if he should follow, the sound of his name made him jump. He turned around and saw Emilia in her work uniform.

“What are you doing here, Isaac?”

[bisluthq]

Hi Nat!! In honor of pride month, I just wanted to let you know this. I’ve been following this blog for the past 8 months now and in doing so I’ve learnt quite a few things. Some slightly weird (y’all really push the limits on this one lmao), some insightful (hello GrammyGate and celeb discourse) but most importantly, I’ve learnt a lot about sexuality/fluidity in general, even though I thought I understood/knew what there was to know about it in the past.

Enter the pandemic + me taking a year off studies + tiktok (it’s embarrassing how much self reflection stemmed from this) + the discovery of ‘bisluthq’ and it was a real wake up call.

I thought I was straight due to the completeness of everyday life, crushes on guys, and being with guys in general but alongside all of that I’ve also always felt this inexplainable attraction to women. I’d notice/pay attention to them in more detail?? compared to men as well as feel this sense of awe and wonder whenever a woman was too beautiful to comprehend (which rarely occurred with men). I’d also always notice their physical appearance, mainly the tutors, from a pretty young age and I’d tell myself I was just appreciating the way they looked (wow she’s so pretty/beautiful/perfect).

As I got older, I realised that sometimes certain people (Natalie dormer rail me challenge) and certain situations ended up doing more than just leave me in awe, but rather turned me on. A lot. And I was so confused, so much so that I refused to even think about it or acknowledge it. Like I’d watch a movie/see this pretty girl talk to me/watch literal wlw porn, get turned on in multiple ways and be like, ‘well that was fun, how interesting’ and still consider myself straight if someone asked what my sexuality was.

This blog (and several others) helped me understand and learn about a lot of things. I started to understand and pick apart how I felt and whom I felt it for, I learnt about the Kinsey scale, I learnt about fluidity, I learnt about the non binary spectrum and so many more things and eventually came to the conclusion that I was, in the simplest of terms, queer.

In terms of ‘labelling’, I’d come across TONS (literal tons) of discourse over the bi/pan labels and how inclusive each is allegedly is and ended up deciding on bisexual because I liked the flag colours better the pansexual one (apparently that’s a thing, so I’m doing it) and ever since I did, I felt like I was free-er?? (Despite not telling anyone, lmao.) But each like, comment, reblog, repost, retweet I made regarding my sexuality made me feel so much lighter, and very true to myself in the midst of everything going on rn and I’m fairly certain I couldn’t have come to this conclusion in the same educated/informed way as I did if it hadn’t been for this blog and the incredibly safe space you’ve created here, and for that I wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like you and the space that comes with this blog is a safe escape to learn, chill and/or clown your ass off but I do want to express my gratitude. I hope this ask finds you well and I most certainly hope your future-vaccinated self finds a bombass girl to be the Joe alwyn to your Taylor swift or whoever you want them to be. I hope that you’re safe and healthy and stable. I hope that this blog will continue to be a safe space for whoever needs one. I’m well aware that I may not have had the most difficult, confusing or terrifying journey but this blog provided an outlet that was safe, therapeutic and educational for me and I can only hope others can find it just as or if not more helpful.

I’m low-key in my feels I guess as i suppose this is my first pride month where I don’t just wish people good happy healthy safe vibes as an just ally anymore because I’m more than that now. And I felt like you should know because now there’s another player on the team lmao. Anyway, thanks for existing and Happy Pride Month, y’all!

This is SO fucking nice. I really have sat on this message for a little bit because I like... enjoy rereading it. A lot. And as much as this blog is mostly just for dumb entertainment purposes and like jokes and clownery, this is at the core of what I am trying to achieve. I'm hoping people - however many, whether just you and Roommate Anon or like a couple others - feel less alone, less confused, and more normal from reading us here.

Because we're not alone, and that's what Pride's for. And we are normal, and that's what Pride's for. And we do generally tend to be confused but eh, that's what the rest of us are for, so we can figure it out together.

I'm really happy for you babe, and am wishing you even more happiness and lightness in the future.

Sending so much love, and Happy Pride to you (too).

[chiarahq]

me  being  late  ?  unfortunately  more  likely  than  u  would  think  😔  but  i'm  here  now  &  so  excited  to  be  part  of  a  celeb  rp  again  because  they  are  my  kryptonite  !  i’m  sofi  (21,  gmt,  she/her)  &  this  is  chiara,  &  yes  i  did  carefully  select  this  gif  because  she  looks  hot  asf  &  i  want  to  thirst  trap  u  all  into  plotting  with  me  (ur  welcome)  !

⋆˙⊹  naressa valdez  ,  cis female  ,  she/her  — ‏‏‎ ‎ don't  look  now  ,  but  chiara  flores  just  walked  by  us  .  the  twenty -  three  year  old  lingerie  model  turned  entrepreneur  has  been  causing  quite  a  stir  lately  .  they're  known  to  be  quite  decorous  &  garrulous  ,  but  also  sybaritic  &  ambivalent  .  it's  no  wonder  they're  hollywoods  resident  bellwether  . rumor  has  it  they're  hiding  redacted ,  but  don't  ask  them  about  it  .  

&.  a  satin  brassiere  peeking  from  beneath  a  velveteen  pantsuit,  dainty  gold  chains,  wine  -  toned  lipgloss  &  smoked  liner,  an  inviting  smile  that  would  make  a  stranger  feel  at  home,  and  the  gentle  graze  of  fingertips  against  the  forearm    .

𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐞  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬.

full  name:  chiara  ysabel  flores. nickname/s:  chi,  open  to  pet  names. gender  &  pronouns:  cis  female  &  she/her. birthdate:  sept  25th. zodiac:  libra. orientation:  bisexual  &  biromantic. traits:  your  stereotypical  libra,  aka,  tactful,  gregarious,  &  visionary,  yet  indecisive,  vain,  &  vacillating. career:  lingerie  model  turned  fashion  mogul;  recently  launched  her  own  makeup  and  lingerie  brand  (  claim:  fenty  )

𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭  𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐚  𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐬.

familial  connections  :  chiara  was  a  long  awaited  addition  to  the  flores  family;  with  maria  flores  thoroughly  convinced  that  she  would  never  experience  the  motherhood  she  had  always  dreamed  of  until  she  was  finally  blessed  with  her  first  &  only  child.  rather  naively,  maria  and  andre  expected  that  the  birth  of  their  daughter  would  be  the  missing  piece  to  restoring  their  already  crumbling  marriage  -  however,  if  anything,  the  added  stress  of  a  baby  was  the  nail  in  the  coffin.  that  said,  it  was  in  their  best  interest  to  stick  it  out  for  the  sake  of  their  public  reputation.  a  tiny  chiara  often  found  herself  caught  in  the  middle  of  an  argument,  and  as  she  grew  older,  found  herself  stepping  up  as  mediator.  her  presence  was  a  constant  reminder  that  although  they  no  longer  loved  each  other  the  way  they  once  had,  they  had  both  contributed  to  create  another  human  being  that  they  equally  adored  with  all  their  hearts  -  and  they  would  continue  to  push  themselves  to  last  another  day.  the  facade  of  their  relationship  finally  came  crashing  down  when  chiara  turned  sixteen,  and  andre  flores  was  caught  having  a  cosy  dinner  with  a  woman  much  too  young  to  be  his  wife.  once  the  public  found  out  there  was  no  longer  any  need  to  keep  up  the  pretences,  and  so  the  flores’  filed  for  divorce.  although  chiara  was  entirely  aware  of  the  state  of  their  marriage,  it  was  still  difficult  to  endure  -  especially  in  such  a  public  sense.  that  said,  everything  worked  out  for  the  best,  and  the  flores’  still  spend  every  holiday  together  as  a  family.

career  ;  from  a  young  age,  chiara  shone.  her  cherubic  features  &  polite  nature  opened  multiple  doors  for  her  from  a  young  age;  from  her  successful  modelling  career  to  her  stint  in  child  acting.  chiara  pursued  a  lot  of  things,  but  she  never  stumbled  upon  anything  that  was  more  than  a  fad.  that's  the  thing  about  chi;  she's  passionate  &  always  on  the  go,  but  often  lost  interest  fast.  she’d  pick  something  up,  just  to  drop  it  the  next  day  or  week  or  month.  it  was  a  running  joke  within  her  family;  her  parents  unable  to  keep  up  with  what  would  capture  chiara’s  attention  next.  something  that  persevered  was  her  relentless  need  to  be  in  control.  some  would  call  it  pernickety,  though  she  would  call  it  having  direction.  whatever  she  decided  to  put  her  mind  to,  for  however  long  she  felt  like  it,  she  would  excel.  with  the  safety  of  her  parents’  wealth  to  fall  back  on,  chiara  tried  her  hand  at  pretty  much  everything  you  could  imagine  -  she  dabbled  in  photography,  took  a  few  singing  classes  before  she  ultimately  decided  she  was  tone-deaf,  rekindled  her  acting  career  for  the  duration  of  a  handful  of  auditions,  and  even  attended  college  for  a  whopping  seven  weeks  before  dropping  out.  her  career  in  modelling  was  the  only  thing  that  was  a  constant,  with  her  signing  with  tbd  lingerie  company  (  bc  we  don’t  stan  vs  in  this  house  ).  chiara  was  happy  enough  during  her  time  there,  but  the  lack  of  diversity  within  the  brand  became  outstandingly  obvious  (  👀  ),  &  eventually  she  decided  to  take  matters  into  her  own  hands  ;  launching  her  own  inclusive  lingerie  brand,  ysabel.  following  the  success  of  ysabel,  she  then  extended  her  brand  to  include  makeup  products. 

personality  ;   

yes  we’re  switching  to  bullet  points  who  needs  consistency

chiara  is  a  bit  of  a  walking  oxymoron.  she’s  an  incredibly  passionate  &  determined  individual,  yet  her  attention  &  interest  are  fleeting.  when  she  cares,  she  cares  with  every  inch  of  her  being  -  but  the  minute  that  drive  is  gone  ?  she’ll  ditch.  

despite  mediating  pretty  much  her  parents’  entire  relationship,  chi  hates  confrontation.  she  radiates  Bad  Bitch  energy,  but  really  is  prone  to  sitting  on  the  fence  &  ducking  out  when  shit  hits  the  fan. 

chi  is  ridiculously  self-indulgent.  she  cannot  say  no  to  herself,  like,  ever.  it’s  a  dangerous  habit  that  extends  beyond  herself  -  if  she  sees  something  she  thinks  a  friend  will  like,  it’s  in  her  basket  without  a  second  thought,  aka  she’s  the  best  present  giver  ever.  as  a  result  of  her  indulgence,  however,  she  can  sometimes  come  across  as  kinda  ignorant  :/  

relationships  are  kind  of  an  iffy  area  for  chi...  she  knows  all  too  well  how  badly  they  can  go  spiralling  down,  so  she  tries  not  to  let  herself  get  too  attached,  but  for  the  most  part  she  fails  &  becomes  kinda  ...  infatuated.  she’s  terrible  with  rejection  due  to  her  obsession  with  how  people  view  her,  &  will  without  a  doubt  take  it  to  heart  -  so  for  the  most  part  sticks  to  flings  &  meaningless  flirtationships

has  a  pet  doberman  that  she  absolutely  adores  &  treats  as  if  its  a  little  baby  handbag  dog  <3 

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

brotp  

sibling  like  friendship

ride  or  die 

childhood  friends

family  friends 

platonic  soulmates 

model  friends  /  models  recruited  for  her  brand  

unlikely  friendship

intrigue

project  partners

familial  connections  ?  maybe  a  cousin  ? 

mutual  friends  

childhood  crush  ?  maybe  a  friend  of  the  family  where  their  parents  always  joked  they’d  get  together  one  day

party  friends

good  /  bad  influence 

opposites  attract

exes  to  friends

muse

wingman/woman/person 

pr  stunt 

exes  (  good  terms,  bad  terms,  past  fling,  ghosted  )

will-they-won’t-they

fwb  /  ewb

confidants 

rival

[vanillacoolatta]

The one time my over analyzing brain comes in handy, yay!

Could you pls explain the “non-romance-repulsed” part? 🥺👉👈

Also I totally agree with you on the “I have crushes on people with more clout than me” cuz I’m pretty sure I’m “attracted” to people I have zero chance with (creators/celebs, etc) and I know there’s a word for that but I can’t remember it lol

-💖

yeah dude

basically I have no idea what's going on in my brain at any given moment ifjshfjdn

I’m gonna try to bold the important segments because this got a little long for me to read well ^^’

I identify as aroace most of the time, but by "non-romance-repulsed" I mean I'm not like 100% against the idea of a romantic relationship, yknow? as in like; I would like to have a close relationship with somebody in the sense of living together and stuff (the only thing my monkey brain can think of to describe it is like “exclusive best friends” since I personally don’t really like the term “queerplatonic relationship”, but that’s what a lot of people use, I suppose) and though I might not have the explicit desire to seek romance, I wouldn’t mind doing romantic-relationship-things for the benefit of my partner.

At the same time, I’m very careful about toeing that line - I’ve been in relationships before I came out and had to end them when they didn’t respect my boundaries. (Which, by the way - if your partner isn’t comfortable with something you’re asking them to do, it’s never okay to force that boundary -- even if they identify as allo-.) For instance, most public affection in general makes me uncomfortable, so while I’m willing to do romantic things for the benefit of my partner, there are times when it’s too much and I have to ask them to stop.

As a side note, while I’m not sure I’ll ever feel romantic “love”, that doesn’t mean I don’t experience feelings very similar to that. I’ve gotten very close to that with purely platonic feelings (of course, because it was so similar, I didn’t know the difference and that delayed my realization a little bit ^^’) and I think I experienced all the moving parts of it - including heartache and yearning for physical affection in the way of holding hands and hugs. I think the reason I’m not 100% opposed to a relationship is because of my experiences before I came out as aspec (that isn’t to say that all aspec people that have had relationships feel this way! everyone is different!!) and knowing that it felt really really nice to be able to hold someone’s hand and not be looked at funny.

Of course, I’m sure most people’s experiences are different.* I’ve questioned my identity for a long time and I will continue to do so in the future. I’ve identified as a cis lesbian and a trans bisexual before I came to the identity I’m at now, and I still am hesitant sometimes to call myself what I do. In the end, I consider myself aspec in some regard, but that might change.**

As for the second part;

in honesty, I’ve never had a “crush” on anyone I knew. I’ve been in three or four relationships, but they’ve all approached me and I said “sure, why not” (mostly because I couldn’t tell the difference between strong friendship and loyalty and actual romantic feelings). However, when I was younger, I had plenty of crushes on fictional characters - and now that I’m a little older, I catch myself thinking about relationships with people I don’t know or, as I put it, “people with more clout than me”.  This is actually a little funny to me and I like to have fun with it ^^ In the end, I think it’s because I can easily “fall in love” with the idea of somebody, but when faced with an actual, physical relationship, I tend to rethink it. It’s not a conscious decision, but it happens nonetheless. Usually it comes and goes with hyperfixations, which I think is a neat little thing that shows the relationship my mental health has with my identity.

*once again: this is NOT me trying to explain anything about anybody but myself. I cannot speak for any other aspec person on the planet and this is NOT me saying that “aroace is a phase until you have a good relationship” or ANYTHING like that. If my identity ever changes, it will not be because I get into another relationship.

**Like I said, I’m a little hesitant to identify as anything, really. To me, my orientation feels very fluid, so most of the time I just call myself queer/LGBTQ+ since it’s a little easier. I don’t mind calling myself aroace most of the time because I think it’s the closest I can get to how I actually feel.

[hazzabeeforlou]

Digging Deeper

Thanks @alienfuckeronmain for the tag, this I’ve loved reading everyone’s, and I tag @taintedlav @rahashirley @raisemybody @twopoppies @cuethetommo @metal-eye and @seasurfacefullofclouds1 if anyone wants to play!! 

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? ink color matters less than ball-point-ness... 

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? I want a witch’s cottage with a giant messy garden on the edge of the moors and a forest a million miles away from everyone. So country. 

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I’ve actually stretched myself this summer! Am learning French and guitar, and idk if it counts but learning my new job which I NEVER thought I could handle lol since I’ve never worked retail 

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Honey ;)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? Well I have to say Narnia and Redwall, but when I was very tiny I loved this book about a girls who could whistle and speak to animals (named Mable) and the Velveteen Rabbit, and a book called “The Lost Princess” which is fucking amazing, by the precursor to CS Lewis, George MacDonald

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I usually take showers because baths take too much time. Also baths are romantic and that makes me sad, and also I have to look at my body which, ug, not prepared to do that all the time rip

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? Mer. Fucking. Maid. Though I’ve always wanted to fly too, I used to spend HOURS in the water just underwater swimming with my legs stuck together just pretending to be on ocean adventures

8. Paper or electronic books? I usually much prefer paper, but since I got these blue light blocking glasses I am finding i’m fine either way physically. Soul-wise though, yeah, paper

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Probably my mango colored crop hoodie that I once smashed melting frozen blueberries on and then spent hours and days getting the stains out...

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? My real name is super boring and typical, though I do like it. I enjoy my tumblr name a lot, Toni, and it feels more genderless and constrictive than my actual name lol

11. Who is a mentor to you? I’ve had so many great teachers, but the biggest lesson I’ve learned in life is that so many you admire can be deeply flawed. I have lots of trust issues. I only take advice from a select few people, and they don’t include anyone ‘old and wise’ lol 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? Oh for sure, I used to want to be an actress or a rock star or whatever. Famous author. I would fucking LOVE to have a platform and help people and cheer people up and see people grocery shopping and have instant friends. I know that sounds terribly naive but I’ve said before I share a lot of Harry’s personality, and I just love flirting with people and smiling with them and giving hugs. Now, I would want to be famous as TONI me and not real me, because then I could never be myself because my fam would find out rip

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Depends on my mattress. Currently, yes, ugg. I wake up in an omega nesting scene from a fic every morning

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? Unfortunately yes. 

15. Which element best represents you? idk I usually say fire but I’m feeling more water lately 

16. Who do you want to be closer to? I’m working on getting to know my amazing sister better, and that’s been lovely.  

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? All my friends have been long distance for actual years, so i don’t miss anymore more than normal. I am missing just... the POTENTIAL for someone. This indefinite distancing is wearing on me. 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I was like two or three, and we were out on a full moon walk and I was in my stroller in the red sheepskin bundled up, and I remember coming up our sidewalk and looking at the world and moon and thinking, “remember this moment, or you’re going to grow up and forget how wonderful it was.” Also when I was five I had a breakdown on my mom’s lap because “I’m going to grow up and be too big to be sung lullabies to!” and I didn’t want anything to change EVER  

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I used to make a concoction of rye crackers, mustard, and pickles. Don’t ask

20. What are you most thankful for? all the opportunities I’ve had in life. I’m so massively privileged 

21. Do you like spicy food? depends on how hot

22. Have you ever met someone famous? I saw a few celebs in NYC, Shosh from Girls, the guy from Monk, Tim Gun, John Oliver (and his golden retriever) and I passed a drunk as a skin Alec Baldwin outside Lincoln Center one day. Probably other people I didn’t recognize. Oh and S**** M***** rented my instrument right before covid hit here, and drunk him (or high him) couldn’t believe he had a h*** to play around on, and then I saw him staring at mountains being the most stereotypical rich white boy ever, also he did not send out gay vibes but don’t let that stop your Shiall, please don’t let it  

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? I almost always start with the new year and do like. A day. And then forget. 

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? PEN

25. What is your star sign? Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Pisces rising

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Depends on the cereal, those golden grams were BEST thoroughly soaked in milk fight me 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? make the world a little better 

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? Yes but you know, i’m the worst at making time for it. Still getting through that Brief Interviews with Hideous Men or whatever it is

29. How do you show someone you love them? Just thinking of them and doing little things to surprise them, I think

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yep the smaller and more crush friendly the better 

31. What are you afraid of? I really do not. like. limb loss. no horror movies for me EVER

32. What is your favourite scent? wet Labrador because it means there’s a WET LABRADOR

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? surname always unless I’ve always known them by firsts. Religion, man

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I have this dream of buying up all the land shitty developers snatch up in this country and ceding it back to its rightful owners. I’ve legit cried over little forests turned into parking lots, thanks Joni Mitchell 

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools are so clean and have no sharks or jellyfish. that said, they also have no waves... 

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? turn it into the store it was closest to. I’m the lawful good box and yes I hate it

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? YES in Breckenridge one year I saw a fucking meteor shower! I’ve wished on some, they’ve never come true I don’t think. 

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? I’m too scared to have children even if I could (I can’t) because of the pressure of what would fuck them up and what wouldn’t 

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I love my baby tat @alienfuckeronmain gave me, idk if I’d want another one someday, maybe a sister tat with my sis

40. What can you hear now? The fan, my typing, my parents watching old TV shows

41. Where do you feel the safest? With a pet outside in nature somewhere

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? putting limits on things /myself/people

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? You know I used to really DREAM about this shit, but since I realized I would have genetically DIED in any other era, and that my dreaming was a literal result of white privilege since it would fucking SUCK to be anyone else (I mean even now it’s awful wtf) I just. Stick with the present. 

44. What is your most used emoji? the laughing face. oops. 

45. Describe yourself using one word. Supercalifragelisticexpialidocious

46. What do you regret the most? I have so many. social. anxiety. nightmares from my 28 years of life that haunt me

47. Last movie you saw? l think it was the Downton Abbey movie? 

48. Last tv show you watched? Monk 

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Surplumn. a really divinely wonderful thing, like ‘oh her lips are surplumn’ like a juicy chocolate mousse and perky breasts idk 

[your-world-with-nct]

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫 — 𝐥𝐦𝐤

➵ pairing: mark x female reader

➵ genre: angst, suggestive, underground rapper au

➵ warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption, unhealthy relationship themes

➵ word count: 6.1k 

➵ summary: you didn’t know what you and Mark were; you weren’t enemies nor friends, you weren’t exes nor lovers. but what you did know was that you still loved Mark, and you never stopped loving him.

➵ a/n: happy belated birthday mark !! this is a part two to this blurb, and is inspired by the lyrics to billie eilish’s ‘party favor’. this is my first full fic, so i hope you all enjoy it and feel free to leave some feedback too!

August 2 - the significance of the date was written in the scars of your heart, forever known as, one: Mark’s birthday, and, two: what would’ve been yours and Mark’s two year anniversary. Ahh, Mark Lee.

The boy that became all of your firsts, kisses and the like; the boy that harnessed the musical talent of a professional or a prodigy, despite his small, underground career; the boy that was just a shy bean beneath his tough, street-wise exterior; the boy that knew your darkest secrets and told you his; the boy that promised you happiness till the end. But he was also that same boy that took advantage of you and lied to you; the boy who stole your heart, and never gave it back; the boy who was better at lyrics than love. He was such a mystery to you, like a code you couldn’t quite seem to decipher.

Even after the abrupt ending of your relationship, Mark was always there, with you, as if nothing had happened between you two. From the evenings where he was out cold after a long night at the bar, calling you to pick him up, to the early hours of the morning where he needed some feedback for his newly produced tracks, he somehow managed to keep you in his life, relying on him the way you relied on oxygen. Mark had you wrapped around his little finger - you would do anything just to get close to him again - and you both knew it.

There was one slight issue, though, which was the fact that you didn’t exactly know what you two were to each other. Yes, there may have been some occasions where Mark was drunk out of his mind, and you would both end up naked in his bed the next morning, like lovers.

But there were also times where he would ignore you for weeks on end, the only updates you received from him were Instagram posts with his rapper friends, paired with cryptic captions that were clearly targeting you, like exes.

However, no matter what Mark did, you would always come crawling back to him and his addictive love, because you were trapped in his trance, and didn’t want to be released from it either.

Once again, you were stuck in that limbo of Mark not acknowledging your existence for another month - or so you thought.

As you mindlessly shoved spoonfuls of Cheerios (your failed attempt at a healthy breakfast) into your mouth, you stared at the cursed date on your lockscreen, when, all of a sudden, your phone began ringing, the default tone echoing throughout your empty apartment. The name that flashed on the screen touched a nerve deep within you, as if your senses had been awakened; one of those senses being your infatuation with Mark, which was rekindling and creating sparks in your stomach as you hesitantly answered the call and put it on speakerphone.

“H-hello?” You hated the way your throat closed up and your voice dwindled into nothing whenever you spoke to him after eternities of no contact whatsoever.

“Oh, hey, Y/N! How’ve you been? I’ve not spoken to you in, like, what, I don’t know, it’s been, like, ages now, hasn’t it?” Mark leaped right into the conversation, starting it off strangely welcoming, too comfortable for your liking. You nodded slightly in response to his question, before quickly realising that he couldn’t see you right now.

“Uhh, yeah, it’s definitely been a while now,” you let out a timid squeak, which was originally meant to be a polite laugh, except the mere thought of Mark clouded your thoughts and refrained you from thinking straight, or acting normal.

Trying to distract yourself from your awkwardness, you absentmindedly started playing with your spoon, stirring it in the bowl- which now only contained some milk and tiny specks of Cheerios - while listening intently to the boy’s next words.

“So, you know how it’s my birthday today, right?” he paused to let you answer, to which you hummed a small ‘happy birthday’ in response, “Ahh, thanks, well, if you’re free tonight, I managed to privately this really cool nightclub from 9pm onwards and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?”

You’d be lying if you said that Mark’s invitation didn’t cause you to almost have a heart attack, so it took you awhile to process the information he had just thrown at you and come up with a decent reply, “Okay, first, of course I can come, I wouldn’t miss it for the world! Who do you think I am - it’s summer, I have no friends, and I think I’ve watched ‘Love, Simon’ one too many times this summer,” you joked.

Before you could continue, the Canadian boy’s bubbly giggles cut you off, as he sighed, saying, “Wow, you really haven’t changed that habit, I see.” The steady beat of your heart suddenly accelerated, the fact that your ex remembered your only hobby, an unusual one at that, which he found out about almost two years ago, sent shockwaves through your entire body.

“Mhm, yeah, that movie never gets old,” you joined in with his laughter, then carried on with what you were going to say once you heard the contagious chuckles quieten, “Also, where’s the nightclub? And who do you mean by ‘us’? I’m just curious, you know?”

You tried your best to not sound intimidated by the potential answers to your questions, but, with your knowledge of who Mark liked to surround himself with now, you couldn’t help but feel out of place around them.

“The nightclub is called ‘Sun and Moon’, it’s owned by one of my older friends, Taeil, and, it’s near the, uhhh, I think it’s close to that one shopping centre? But I can send you directions later, even if you can’t find it, you won’t miss it, it’s covered in neon lights and it’s massive! And, did I mention that Taeil hyung makes the best cocktails? I can’t wait for tonight!”

The boy seemed ultimately fascinated with the place from the way he spoke about it, and your lips curved into a small smile at his excitement. ‘Damn it,’ you thought to yourself, ‘why is he so cute? About things like this? Ughhh, I love him.’

Mark’s endless chatter continued while you pondered over how adorable he probably looked right now, “And, as for who’s coming, it’s only a small group of friends - the Dream boys, my best mate Yukhei and his Chinese buddies from uni, oh, and Chaeyoung and her non-celeb friends are coming too!”

The first few guests he listed were absolutely fine - Yukhei was your best friend, also a mutual friend of yours, and was the one that introduced you to Mark; his friends were strange, but bearable though; while the Dream boys were a group of young artists Mark had the opportunity to join, who were soon going to debut as rappers with him - however, your brows furrowed at the unfamiliar name, confusion written all over your face.

You weren’t jealous, no, just… curious as to who exactly this ‘Chaeyoung’ was, “Oh! Okay, that’s great! But, uhhh, who’s Chaeyoung? I’ve never heard that name before?” The boy let out a dreamy sigh, as if he was enchanted by the mere thought of this person, “Son Chaeyoung is a senior from our record label, better known as Beastie Babe, that’s her stage name.”

Despite his explanation, you were still baffled since you had no idea who she was. The weird, subconscious ‘huh?’ you let out told Mark that you still didn’t understand, so he elaborated on the matter, “I shit you not, she is the most talented, influential rapper of our generation! Her debut single ‘BDZ’ literally dominated both national and Western music charts and her recent collaboration with Cardi B helped skyrocket her to fame, and I’m under the same company as her? Like, I still can’t believe that that’s what we have the potential to become. She’s just so amazing-”

A greedy feeling engulfed your chest and your heart began thumping uncontrollably as Mark’s words of admiration filled your ears. Somehow, out of anger or whatnot, you had managed to throw your spoon across the kitchen, grunting quietly as he failed to stop rubbing in your face the fact that he was talking to other girls now.

“-the moment I walked into her recording studio instead of the Dreamies’ was the best moment of my entire life! We’ve actually been spending a lot of time with each other since then, and, you know what, Y/N? I used to have a huge fanboy crush on her but, uhhh, now that I actually know her, I think that I-I like her? Do you think I should say something tonight? Drunk Mark is definitely better with the ladies than Sober Mark,” he joked, stopping right after he heard silence on the other end of the phone.

You almost screamed at his last statement - “Drunk Mark is definitely better with the ladies than Sober Mark” - well, of fucking course he would say that, that’s exactly how he ended up asking you out on his birthday two years ago, while he was drunk.

‘How insensitive can that shitbag be! That’s our story, not yours and Chaeyoung’s!’ you internally yelled at him, as you refrained from hanging up without another word. Luckily, your self-control got the better of you and you said through gritted teeth, “Haha, defo, I’ll see you tonight then, Mark, good luck with that.”

And with that, you slammed your finger on the red button, aggressively hurling your phone at the couch and cursing Mark under your breath. “Just fuck around with my feelings then, why don’t you? While you’re at it, you may as well shove your successful love life into my face and ruin the smallest fragments of our relationship that we have left,” you mumbled, trudging over to your sofa to collect your phone.

Once you unlocked it, you went straight to Youtube, searching the name ‘Beastie Babe’ and playing her discography as you washed your limited amount of dishes. It crushed your already low self-esteem as you listened to the girl’s unique music, and you realised why Mark looked up to her so much and wanted to date her, she was so much better than you, more gorgeous, more gifted, she was the ultimate upgrade from you.

Those thoughts resurfaced once again as you stood in front of your full body mirror hours later, Chaeyoung’s catchy songs playing in the background, as you couldn’t help but binge all of her music videos to try and gage the chance you had against her when it came to Mark. Turns out you had zero chance.

That girl was literally world-famous, her albums were sold out everywhere, and she had designer brands chasing after her, desperate for celebrity endorsement. Her self-produced music was mesmerising, something you had never heard of before, and her rapping was rhythmic and fluid, while her vocals were beautifully melodic.

Not to mention, Chaeyoung was stunning - like her stage name suggested, she did have the facial structure of a ‘baby beast’ as her fans say, and her hair looked gorgeous no matter what style it was in, her chiseled cheekbones were always the main point of her look, along with her infamous, enticing caramel eyes.

Then, there was you. A college dropout who was surviving solely off of your parents’ riches until they could find a job for you in their expanding business, you were the ‘rich kid’ that everybody shamed.

You didn’t have anything like music in your blood, and you weren’t particularly talented at anything, unless pessimism was considered a talent. And you definitely weren’t gorgeous, you weren’t anything close to it, which was justified as you scrutinised your outfit in the mirror, that made you look even worse than usual.

Initially, what you had chosen for yourself and laid out on your bed looked ideal, the black and white checkered skirt complemented the tight, white off-the-shoulder top and the black, knee-length high heeled boots, while the baby pink leather jacket tied the whole thing together, adding a splash of colour to it.

Now that it was on you, you appeared like you were trying way too hard - your exaggerated makeup looked disgustingly dark, the top showed off all of your curves and rolls, the skirt was a little too short for your liking and portrayed a slutty image that you weren’t going for, and the boots were chunky and big, and didn’t seem to match the rest of the outfit as well as it did prior to when you put it on.

You looked horrendous and you knew it, but this was the only thing in your closet that was even close to what those other girls would be wearing, the only thing that made you at least look like you could fit in with them.

Before you could change anything about it, you glanced at the alarm clock perched on your bedside table, showing exactly ‘21:00’, which you decided was the perfect time to leave.

Usually, with events, you would either plan way ahead of time, and arrive punctual and prepared, or you’d turn up almost an hour late, with a half-assed outfit and an empty stomach.

This time, however, you didn’t know where you were headed, so you should’ve left early, but you got too paranoid, thinking up random instances where you would end up getting there before anyone else was, which would make you look like you were trying harder than ever to get Mark’s attention.

The car ride to Sun and Moon was a daunting one - not only because you were twisting and turning down unfamiliar roads, relying solely on Google Maps, but, because you were jittery with nerves and anxiety.

Just thinking of walking all alone into the club to see a clique of popular musicians and their wealthy friends made you shiver in your seat, and the fact that you were extremely anti-social and very much intimidated by most of the party’s attendees made it even worse.

Lights of almost every colour of the spectrum struck you as you parked your car by Sun and Moon, which was one of the most appealing and exciting clubs you had ever seen, not that you had been to many anyways. You braced yourself as you entered the place, breathing quickly and heavily, before pushing the door open to the booming, electrifying atmosphere.

You were immediately drawn to Mark’s alluring figure on the dance floor, jokingly grinding against one of his group members, Donghyuck, and you assumed that the both of them had some pre-party drinks already.

Mark’s black, patterned dress-shirt flowed down his upper body, the loose fabric of it accentuating the shape of his chest.

His wrists and neck were adorned in expensive brands of jewellery, his fingers laden with various silver rings, the golden glints of his watch twinkling under the bright, fluorescent lights - and his ebony locks were styled to exaggerate his forehead.

The matching black skinny jeans he wore made his legs look heavenly, it made it so hard for you to look away from him.

You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of the amorous thoughts flooding your mind, directing your eyes away from the attractive birthday boy to the rest of the room.

It seemed as if you were the last one to turn up, despite your worries, since you spotted Yukhei and his friends attacking the bar, and who you managed to identify as Chaeyoung and her friends surrounding and blatantly flirting with the Dreamies.

She was even more breathtaking in person - her platinum blonde bob framed her effortless makeup, which consisted of fuschia lips, long, luscious lashes, shimmery eyeshadow, and sparkling highlight, and her striking outfit, a lime green and black patterned tube top and matching bootleg pants, made her look magnificent.

If she wasn’t your ex-boyfriend’s current crush, she would’ve been yours, because, damn, she was hot.

You were broken from your daze when one of Yukhei’s best friends, Hendery, hollered your name and gestured for you to join them, after he noticed you standing blank and confused by the entrance of the club.

“Yoooo, Y/N!! It’s been ages since I last saw you and you look great, boo! Come here, you gorgeous little bitch,” Yukhei’s obnoxiously deafening voice reached you from the opposite side of the room, calling for you even though Hendery had already grasped your attention in the first place, causing you to shyly scurry towards his friend group, the heavy stares of almost everyone in the room following you.

As you made your way over to them, your best friend engulfed you into a bone-crushing hug, his long limbs entangling themselves around you, not letting you get a word in first. When he finally pulled away, it was then that you caught a full look at him.

“Thanks, Yukhei, I really wasn’t sure about this but I’m glad you like it. Also, you look absolutely amazing!! Like, it’s only been 3 months but I feel like you’ve gotten even taller,” you exclaimed, proceeding to compliment your friend’s stylish outfit.

The plain black-on-black aesthetic he was going for may have seemed boring, but he pulled it off so well - the tight-fitted, black long sleeve was paired with black leather pants and decorative chains hanging from his belt loops, and his newly dyed navy blue hair was slicked back to reveal his forehead.

He let out a squeaky laugh, one that only you managed to get from him, as he rested his arm on your head, commenting, “Yeah, I think I actually have gotten taller.” You rolled your eyes at his teasing, before interacting with Yukhei’s friends, who were a lot more welcoming than you expected.

You had only ever spoke to Hendery before, but Xiaojun, Yangyang, and Sicheng were all polite to you, contrary to their appearance and their reputation.

Yes, Yukhei and his mates were the typical rich playboys that you had previously assumed only existed in movies, with the designer loafers and belts they were wearing today.

But, they were just playful dumbasses who looked appealing to their classmates, and, to be honest, you enjoyed hanging out with them during the party, instead of lurking around the club, solitary and sombre, pining after Mark.

Oh yeah, Mark - the boys had been distracting you so well that you had forgotten about your ex that stood just four feet away from you, freestyle rapping with Jaemin and Jeno.

Surprisingly, you didn’t really mind your lack of interaction with him throughout the night. It had only been two hours and you thought that you would be so desperate to just talk to him and fix things with him, but, in reality, you were having a blast with Yukhei’s friends, listening to their uni gossip and discussing your favourite music at the moment, they made you feel comfortable and welcome, something that Mark and his friends always failed to do with you.

As you decided to have yet another cocktail, you approached the bartender, but, before you could even open your mouth, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

Although you hadn’t even seen the person, you knew exactly who it was, by the calloused fingers, from countless plucking of guitar strings, that grazed your skin, and the embarrassed clearing of his throat to gain your attention, you just sensed that Mark was stood right behind you.

Tentatively, you turned around to face the boy you dreaded to see, your cheeks flaming with rouge as he scratched his nape and locked eye contact with you. Your pulse quickened and you felt your stomach churning in your stomach, maybe it was just the drinks, or maybe it was his mere presence that excited and aroused you.

The scent of alcohol lingered on his body, and you could tell that it had already took a toll on him, by the wild twinkle in his eyes and the unsteadiness in his voice.

Despite that, Mark looked absolutely ineffable at that exact moment, the beads of sweat on his forehead sparkled underneath the colourful lights, and made him look ethereal and idyllic.

You panicked, creating multiple, unrealistic reasons as to why Mark wanted to talk to you right now, so the first thing your disoriented, intoxicated mind barfed up for you to say was, “Sincerely, happy birthday!”

The god-like creation that stood before you sniggered at your outburst, “Thanks, and thanks for coming too! I just wanted to ask if you could hold my watch for a bit?”

You almost choked at the simple request he had given you, clearly, he had other priorities, ones that didn’t include facing you and everything that had occured between you two since you had last spoken, excluding this morning, “Oh, oh yeah, uhhh, yeah, sure? How come?”

“Ahhh, Dahyun just challenged Jisung to a dance-off and he almost flipped in excitement, he dragged me and the rest of the Dreamies with him to go against Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Tzuyu, and it’s already pretty hardcore, just look.”

Mark vaguely gestured to the dance floor, where Jeno was b-boying and Chenle was screeching to hype him up (even though the younger of the two was sober, he was still as energetic as ever) while Tzuyu was aggressively booing him and Chaeyoung was comically cracking her knuckles in preparation, “this is a Rolex Submariner and I do not wanna ruin it ‘cause of a dance-off, y’know?”

You laughed along with him, admiring the way he delicately removed the watch from his wrist, “Of course, I’ll keep it with me while you, uhhh, do that. By the way, where’d you get this? It looks pretty good quality.”

He tossed a glance at Yukhei, then back at you, “Xuxi got me this, he gave it to me last night so that I could wear it today! Did you think I bought it? I could never afford this on my own, ha!”

His drunken giggles were the only thing you heard and you couldn’t help but sigh in disappointment due to Mark’s casual manner around you.

You never thought that it would cross your mind, but you were beginning to wonder if he was completely and utterly over you this time.

“I’ll be back soon, just give it to me once we’re done,” he added, before making his way back to the dance floor where Renjun was doing some eccentric moves you had never seen before.

Even from afar, Yukhei noticed the dim aura that surrounded you, so he approached you, while you were ordering your new drink.

“What was that about? What did he say to you?” he questioned you, handing you the shot glass that the bartender had just placed on the surface. Accepting it, you took a swift swig of the drink, letting the liquid ease down your throat and settle in your stomach before answering, “He literally just wanted me to hold his watch, that’s it.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup, and I told him ‘happy birthday’, but, besides from that he just kinda, you know, avoided everything that I wanted to talk about, and ran away to them,” you nodded your head towards Mark, who was now freestyling against Chaeyoung, a knowing smirk plastered on his face.

Your best friend wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close to his chest in a comforting way, to which you plainly let him do so, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, Y/N, as much as I love Mark, he’s been such a dick to you this entire time. I wish he would’ve listened to me when I told him to choose to either stop stringing you on or to pick up where you two left off.

“But, instead, he’s broken your heart time and time again, making you think that he still wants you, and needs you, when, in reality, Chaeyoung had him under her control the moment he met her, which was literally two weeks after you broke up, by the way. I wish that you’d look past that image Mark had built of himself in your head and heart, and see the real him.”

It was shocking to hear these wise words come from your currently drunk friend, as those weren’t the types of things he would usually say when he was clear-headed.

You wiggled out of his endearing embrace, audibly exhaling in frustration as your head was invaded with sudden realisations and epiphanies, “You’re right, surprisingly, I’ll try and talk to him later, maybe when I hand him his watch back. But, hopefully, this’ll be the last time I have to even look that boy in the eyes, I don’t think I can keep doing this any longer.”

The curves of Yukhei’s lips turned upwards into a proud smile, “That’s my girl! Now, how about you play this one drinking game that Sicheng found with us? Will that make you feel better?”

It did make you feel better, a lot better, and you were enjoying yourself so much that you had missed the fact that the impromptu dance battle had come to an end and its participants were carelessly swaying with one another, too exhausted to move their bodies properly.

You noticed that there were two specific people missing, however; it seemed that Mark and Chaeyoung had slipped out while you were playing with Yukhei, Sicheng, Hendery, Xiaojun, and Yangyang.

Only then did you recall that Mark’s exorbitant watch was still in the pocket of the pink jacket you had removed and left unattended on a chair. You excused yourself from the boys and ran to your jacket, retrieved the Rolex and proceeded to search for Mark to return it to him, and talk to him.

You had examined each and every bit of the club closely, yet Mark was nowhere to be seen, so you decided to explore the exterior, perhaps he needed to get something from his car, or something?

It was difficult to convince yourself that he hadn’t left to get some ‘alone time’ with Chaeyoung, which is what he had told his friends when he had done the same with you two years prior, but the idea of it kept recurring to you as you ventured out into the cold night. 

The similarities of your current situation and the time you had run away from Mark’s underground performance a week after your breakup were disturbingly accurate - except this time you were running towards him, instead of away from him, you were stronger now and wanted to face him, not cower away from him. 

He was making your confrontation pretty hard, though, because, at the moment, you couldn’t even find Mark, so you came to the conclusion of trying to call him. Multiple times. And, yet, he still didn’t answer, and you hadn’t advanced any further with it. You still didn’t give up, as you pressed his name in your phone again, and wandered down the street, glancing side to side every so often, just in case you had missed him.

“Hey, this is Mark, I’m busy at the moment but I’ll be back! Leave a message while you’re at it, I guess, haha,” Mark’s recorded voice echoed from the speakerphone yet again, you had heard it so many times that you had pretty much memorised his awkward little ramble. You sighed as the tone beeped for the sixth time in the past few minutes.

A disgruntled growl left you as you proceeded to search for the unreachable boy, your phone clutched in one hand while his watch was still in the other.

It was extremely tempting to just take it home with you and return it to him the following day - but if you were really going to permanently detach yourself from Mark like you promised yourself you would, you had to avoid anything and everything to do with him, or else you would give up and let yourself be pulled back into his trance.

After seeing the way he acted around Chaeyoung throughout the night, however, it wasn’t very likely that you’d come crawling back to him any time soon.

You pressed the contact name once again, holding your phone up to your ear hopefully, awaiting a response. Turning the corner as you neared your car, you laid eyes on a sight you wish you never had done, and you swore you almost dropped your mobile along with your jaw right there on the sidewalk.

There he was: pinned up against the graffitied wall of the narrow alleyway, arms coiled all over Chaeyoung’s waist, hips, and ass, lips locked with her swollen, red ones.

You couldn’t even gasp at the horrific scene, you were in another state of shock, and your entire body was quivering and recoiling in utter pain and heartbreak.

Tears pricked at your eyes the longer they lingered on the moaning mess that was Mark, but you couldn’t rip them away from him. “Shit, Chae, I think I love you,” he breathed out, as she left open-mouthed kisses from his jaw to his collarbone, her hands threading through his velvety locks.

That used to be you, kissing all down his neck; that used to be you, making his heart race and limbs melt into jelly; that used to be you, the one he said ‘I love you’ to.

“Hey, this is Mark, I’m busy at the moment but I’ll be back! Leave a message while you’re at it, I guess, haha,” the tone played again, making you jump out of your skin, ‘perfect timing, Y/N, what if he heard it, right now, coming from your phone!’ you huffed, dropping Mark’s watch on the ground near the alleyway, bolting away from the couple, towards your car, grabbing the handle and pulling it open as soon as you reached it.

As you slumped into the driver’s seat, you realised that you had accidentally pressed the voicemail button with your shaking finger, instead of the ‘end call’ button.

“Fuck, no, I don’t wanna record a voicemail to Mark,” you thought aloud, until a voice in your head suggested, ‘but won’t this be the last time you’ll ever speak to him?’

It was with that thought that the gears in your head began turning - it was right, this would be your last time talking to him, you could finally tell him all of the things on your mind, the emotions he made you feel, the burdens he put on you, and he didn’t even have to respond.

You could simply block him forever - because he wouldn’t care, right? You didn’t even need a response or an apology, all you wanted was for him to know what he put you through, what you had to suffer through because of him.

And it’s not like that would upset him, he didn’t care about you the way you cared about him, he didn’t need you the way you used to need him, since he had his (possibly) new girlfriend instead of you. So you decided to record your last message to him.

“Uhhh, okay, this is really weird but I’ll just get it over and done with. So, Mark, this is Y/N and by the time you get this, your number’ll probably be blocked, this is the last thing you’ll hear from me.

“I’m guessing you’re kinda confused right now, because you’re probably listening to this while you’re either drunk as fuck or hungover, but, long story short, I’m fucking done with you.

“Let me just remind you of what happened tonight, or last night, depending on when you’re hearing this. You invited me to your little celebration after, what, a month of not contacting me? And then, proceeded to tell me that your crush would be here, even though you knew all too well that we had too many loose ends that we hadn’t tied yet.

“Then, I get here, and suddenly you don’t even greet me, or acknowledge me, just like you had been doing for the past few weeks, while, of course, you’re glued to Chaeyoung’s side.

“Meanwhile, I was there, waiting to see you, since we hadn’t hung out normally since the break-up 3 months ago, and I knew, well, at least I thought I knew, that there was still a connection between us, or something.

“But, instead, I spent the entire night following Yukhei around and talking to his friends, and having the oh-so-great opportunity of watching you eye-fuck Chaeyoung the whole time. And, finally, when you do eventually notice me, you ask me to hold your Rolex? Really, Mark? I didn’t even get the chance to say anything more than ‘happy birthday’ to you.

“Now, I don’t know how you’re feeling about this whole thing, because, apparently, you’re now Chaeyoung’s newest boy toy, but, did you ever stop and think about how this has affected me? How this whole thing has affected me?

“Because, if you really didn’t notice Mark, I was still fucking in love with you - even after you left me - and I never knew why you gave up on us. Personally, I thought we were amazing together, I thought you were my soulmate, you were the only person that made me feel loved, the only person I loved, but, you didn’t seem to think so.

“Maybe it’s because you’re my first love, Mark, but I wasn’t yours; maybe it’s because I thought that nobody else could replace you; maybe it’s because of your web of lies that I got caught in - but I felt like it wasn’t over yet. It couldn’t be, we would find each other after a while and resume what we had, and we’d be together forever, wow, I know that’s cheesy, I think the alcohol’s getting to me now.

“Speaking of alcohol though, there was another reason why I thought that we could pick up where we left off.

“Don’t you remember all of those nights where you needed me to get you from the bar or the club, and drive you home? When you were so incapable of processing our history together that you just gave in, and let me fall in love with you all over again?

“Yeah, those nights gave me hope, hope that it wasn’t the drinks speaking for you the previous nights, it was you, and hope that you would realise what you were missing and come back to me.

“But, hoping is no good. You’ve actually gotta follow through with your hopes and make them come true. Yet, I couldn’t do that, since you always left me. You always disappeared without a trace, and then, suddenly, after three weeks or so, you’d be right back.

“But, you know, I see it now, I see the truth. You never really loved me, you weren’t lying when you said that, you loved the idea of me, the idea of having someone to rely on, the idea of someone else cleaning up your messes, the idea of someone to hook up with whenever you wanted.

“I saw that all throughout today, when you looked into Chaeyoung’s eyes, she pulled you in and you were lost in a swirl of lust, but whenever you looked into my eyes, you were so disconnected from me, and there was never any emotion.

“Mark, I’m not just your property, you can’t do whatever you want with me! I’m not your party favor, a mere birthday gift that gets thrown away after its purpose has been served.

“I’m Y/N and I’m not yours, Mark Lee, and I’m ashamed to say I ever was. If there’s one thing you were right about, though, it’s that ‘happiness is a lie, and it was only found in your trance’, but that’s because you didn’t make me feel true happiness.

“True happiness isn’t being manipulated into thinking that you make someone feel good and that it’s the only thing that makes them feel good, and that they needed you - true happiness is being free from the people that do that to you.

“I’m sorry, that I didn’t do what you wanted me to, I’m not blinded by your fake love anymore so you won’t be using me any time soon. Goodbye, Mark.”

And, with a few swift movements of your finger, Mark was gone from your phone, and from your life. He was nothing to you now, and you were no longer his - and, wow, you never knew that you would feel so proud to be able to say that.

[peaches-of-1]

BTS has Celeb Reader Lockscreen- Idol!AU

Jin

It was the Golden Disc Awards and you were rocking one of Jin’s favorite outfits. He was singing along in the audience even as the members laughed at how passionately he was doing so. Everyone knew he was such a big fan of you. He had gotten the camera’s attention and took out his phone to show a music video screencap as the lockscreen to his phone.

After the show, you saw your fans tagging you in posts about it and you retweeted one of them with the caption, “Thank you oppa-nim.” As a way of being affectionate yet respectful.

Worldwide Handsome nearly threw his Worldwide phone against the wall, but instead slammed it against the hotel couch. You had actually noticed him and called him oppa! He posted on WeVerse that his life was complete and that he could die happily now.

Yoongi

They were playing a game during the American Music Awards show this year. The nominees had sent in their lockscreens and fans would guess who they belonged to. If the shy South Korean man had known that this would be what it was used for, he never would’ve submitted his actual lockscreen. He thought it was just some dumb thing V wanted to do.

Not to mention you were it and also right beside him. You two had been talking all night except when his lockscreen showed up on screen. “Oh my gosh, that’s me.” You said and he thought knowing it wasn’t the most G rated lockscreen of the person sitting right next to him. When it came time to reveal the owner, Yoongi blushed into his hands.

You stood beside him and covered your mouth, in as much shock as he was in. When asked how you felt about it, you said, “I mean, it’s a nice picture.” and he nodded in agreement.

Hobi

It was at an event, and you were sitting next to him since you’d be entering from the audience for your performance. His phone was face up on the table, and you noticed your picture when it lit up with a text message...from one of his own members. It was cute how they wanted to make sure you saw it. Even though you were just a rookie, he had your photo there.

“Thank you for your support.” You said and then your song began. You put the microphone to your lips and began singing to him and then stood up. Earlier, they had been given the signal to take their stuff off the table because you stood on it and then grabbed a rope to help you onto the stage. You danced and smiled with a little bit more happiness in your heart.

“You’re a great audience. Thank you! Especially you, J-Hope!” You smiled and winked at him as his bros got excited and teased him a bit. He had stopped mid-clap and had a huge smile on his face. So, you had such an effect on famous people too?

Namjoon

He was live in his studio just talking about artists that he really liked lately. Someone had brought up your name. You were a fan of his, and you had free time today. So of course you were in there. He didn’t seem to notice it and said he was a fan of older music. Namjoon then read a question about comebacks and said not to worry, they’d have one more before something big happened.

The chat seemed to think it was about enlisting, so he tried to change the mood and played one of his “favorite upbeat songs” and your voice came through the speakers. OMG he listened to you? You began to squeal and do a happy dance. Then he said, “I even have (Y/S/N) as my lockscreen. Let me show you.”

And he did! It was you blowing a kiss. You quickly took a screenshot and made a tweet about it saying, “Was watching your live! Thanks for enjoying my music so much!” and later a video of him blushing as he read your comment went viral. It was later that night when you got a DM from him.

Jimin

This was the most by chance meeting the world would ever give you, so you decided to approach Jimin. It seemed that he had been stealing glances at you in the CD store, but that probably wasn’t the case. Still, you at least wanted to say hi. You bowed to him and introduced yourself. “I know who you are.” He blushed. “I really like your work.”

You put your hand over your heart and thanked him. The two of you were able to talk easily to each other, and it felt as though you two were already friends. Then Hobi showed up and started talking excitedly in Korean to Jimin. Then in English, “Did you show them your phone?” When Jimin shook his head, a short scuffle happened.

J-Hope was the winner, showing you how you were the face of Jimin’s lock screen and how he sometimes kisses it when he thinks of you. It made you laugh at how cute the young man was even though he was super embarrassed until you showed him that his picture was your own lockscreen.

Taehyung (V)

In a museum, he saw a familiar shape taking photos in front of the “Red Hand” sculpture that he had passed by just a few moments ago. There was no way. No way it was you and yet, it was. You were currently on tour just as he was. He psyched himself up to come say hi to you and introduce himself. You were hardcore blushing because the phone you had just used to selfies had his face all throughout it.

“Can I take a picture before…” He asked and you said yes, of course.

As he was taking his phone out, you giggled, “Is...is that me?”

He nodded and soon enough, you took a few pics together and went through the museum as friends. Then you said that you had the biggest crush on him and were so glad you had met him and honestly it was good that he had you as his photo. He said the same thing, admitting he saw one of your recent retweets that you deleted gushing over him.

Jungkook

On the streets of NYC, the idol had his face covered as he watched one of his favorite k-pop dance cover groups do their thing. Then he saw that is was a collab with one of his favorite groups of all time, ok maybe not his favorite group, but you were in there. And here. You were here doing a collab dance of BTS’s latest comeback dance in Times Square.

Maybe you weren’t super famous, but you were a celebrity to him. He quickly came to talk to you after a shot and subtly revealed himself to you since he didn’t wanna be just some creepy dude. You did your best to stay quiet and not scream out of excitement. Now off to the side, you both began to say how great each other were and how much you loved to watch each other dance.

“I even have you in Chung Ha sunbaenim’s cover as my lockscreen.” He showed you and you couldn’t help but hug him. Your cheeks were on fire, but he hugged you back. A quiet part of both of you hoped it’d become something more than a moment. However, you thought it was silly two seconds before he asked to see you again.

[szopenhauer]

were you the girl who always looked at failed relationships and said, “that’s never going to happen to me”?: wtf... not that I ever really thought I will be in a relationship but failed? most likely!

are there any people from tumblr that you talk to on facebook?: there were in the past

do you like cop movies?: depends

does your mom smoke?: my dad neither

are you against inter-racial marriages?:  wtf, I’m not a racist, why would I be?

are you overweight?: underweight but look chubby

how often do you talk politics?: when asked about it, when I have to

do you enjoy going through old pictures? they make me sad, nostalgic

of all your exes, who do you think you had the deepest feelings for? my current gf who was also my ex

is there any color you particularly hate? I hate to wear blue, red, pink, all white, brown, nude, pastel clothes and I hate white, black, blue, red, pink, purple, pastel, light wood/brown furniture yet I still own/use them sometimes anyway but in general I say my least fav colors are blue, white, red, pink, brown, pastels

when’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? I assume everyone is disappointed in me in general, especially my mom

what song are you listening to right now? Modern talking songs

is this one of your favorite songs? I enjoy 80s music

what is something you have to explain a lot? ... a lot XD

what is one thing you have always wondered? many things, mostly about God I suppose

has anyone ever told you to grow up? from what I remember

who last texted you? my gf

do you cry a lot or hardly ever? often

who do you go to with your problems? for advice or to complain?

do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? I know I am not good enough and too much at once

do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? not really

ever met anyone that claimed they were perfect? they never said that but they kinda acted like this

ever tried to give someone advice and they didn’t listen? no one listens and then they say I was right

what is something you are bad at? almost everything?...

how many windows/tabs are up on your computer right now? 9

do you check your horoscope often? nope

do you have a house phone? but we don’t use it anymore

Do you have a loud/annoying laugh? at times

Is it easy to make you laugh?  for some

Do you like giraffes? they’re ok

Is the glass half empty or half full? half full unless you ask metaphorically then half empty for me

When is the last time that someone has done something on your behalf? recently

Do you have any autographs from anyone famous? I don’t have any nor care for 

Have you ever had a cardiograph/EKG performed on you?  shitload of times

Have you ever choreographed a dance number or a cheer routine before? for myself lol

Do you or anyone you know own a phonograph? my uncle probably, I don’t but my gf’s bestie does 

Do you like to take photographs with or without filters? without, not counting snapchat selfies :P

Do you shower before or after breakfast? I shower at night

would you ever take anyone back after being dumped?: why was I being dumped tho?

have you ever liked anyone 20 years older than you?: I had several minor crushes on celebs/movie characters but wouldn’t date them irl

do people text you even if they don’t need anything?: my gf and my dad

are you on facebook right now?: yas

would you date a friends ex?: no way

do people call you a whore?: and a virgin at the same time lmfao

do you change your phone background a lot?: basically never

do you play with dead bugs?: hell no, I’m scared of dead bugs

when was the last time you borrowed a pen or pencil from someone?: yesterday?

does anyone like the person you like?: *jealous*

do you like the same person you did a month ago?: we’re about 2 months together

i say boys, you say?: ewww *cringe*

have you kissed the last person you texted?: we’re in a relationship so...

do you hate when people text you while your sleeping?: usually can’t hear them doing this but if I did then I’d be annoyed

would you eat a human eyeball for 700 euros?: omg, not even for million of euros

do you like boys, girls, or both?: girls

last thing that annoyed you?: my niece (she’s 2) not wanting to eat and crying every single moment her mom (my sister) leaves the room to pee

[purplesurveys]

502

Are you going to any concerts this summer? No. It’s been almost a year since my last concert, and of my favorite band to boot :( I can’t believe it’s been that long already; every detail is still ridiculously fresh in my mind. Have you ever been to a concert? I’ve been to several ones. I typically go for mainstream acts since it’s rare that they come over to the country, so I’ve seen Coldplay, One Direction, and Paramore, and a WWE show if that counts. Would you have gone to Woodstock? It would have been such a thrill to experience that; I don’t think I would have wanted to miss it, despite the traffic and the mud and sanitary problems that ultimately came up. Then again I’d probably only go if I was already near the area cause I wouldn’t be passionate enough to travel for it. Have you ever camped out with a significant other? Mmm no. We’re both pretty unfit to try camping hahaha. We’d have no clue where to start. I’d love to have the opportunity though. What kind of music do your parents listen to? Generally, my mom is super attached to her elementary and high school tunes; she knows every hit song from the 80s. Right now she’s in a Queen and ABBA phase though. My dad is so much hipper than I am and the playlists he makes has all the newest Top 40 singles lmfao, half of them I usually don’t even know about. I do know he has a bias for Maroon 5.

What's so special about the state you live in? We don’t have states here, only provinces and cities. Do you ever feel like you're getting old, but you're still a teen? Well, I mean I’m no longer a teen but when I used to be one I didn’t feel like I was getting older. I wanted to enjoy my teenage years, so I did my best to. What do you do when you can't escape thoughts of your ex? When I was stuck in this position, I couldn’t. I went out to as many hangouts with my friends as my mom could possibly allow me to try and forget, and while those helped distract me for a bit, it never fully worked. Then my grandfather died soon after so I had something else to cry about. And then the most important college entrance exam I was ever gonna take took place, so I was properly distracted for a bit. But that was all there is to it – distractions. What do you think about indoor pets? So long as they’re properly trained and don’t chew and/or pee on everything, it’s fine. If you were a fish, what colour would you like to be? Silver? I dunno. What was your best year at school, so far? In high school, third or fourth year. In college, third year (so far). Do you have any siblings? I have two. Do you have any lame family traditions for holidays? We have our traditions but I don’t think they’re lame. What colour hair do you have, naturally? Black. Do you think it's gay for a guy to straighten his hair? It’s not gay for a guy to do anything except actually be gay. Do you watch any TV shows where the setting's a hospital? Nope, generally not a fan of those. Do you believe in ghosts or spirits? I’d like to think it’s possible that they exist, but I’m not like an overzealous ~paranormal~ expert with equipment or anything close to that. Would you agree that love is blind? Sure. Do you want anything that you can't have? Yes. Lots of money. Would you still want it if you had it? I don’t think I’d get tired of it lmao. What's your favorite video game? Mmm I’m pretty basic lmfao, I’m going with the Grand Theft Auto or Resident Evil series. What are some perks of being your gender? I know we’re all about gender expression nowadays and anyone could wear what they want so what I’m about to say isn’t really a *perk*, but I do like how the women’s sections in shops are always much bigger than men’s. That’s the case in the Philippines though; I don’t know if it’s the same in other countries. Did your first real significant other change you at all? She helped me grow up and taught me to save a little love for myself. Are you waiting to have sex until you're married? Welp, I didn’t. Do you play any sports at school? My PE this semester is supposed to be weight training, but our instructor has decided that it will be a general fitness course so we’ll be working out for the next four months...I’m so dead lmao, I have not exercised a day in my life. :(((( He’s a gym coach though so he’s pretty legit, and while I’m mostly terrified about my body possibly giving out, I’m a LITTLE excited for what’s in store.

How many schools have you been to? Two. I went to the same school for 14 years for kinder, elementary, and high school. Then I started university and had to move to a different school. What's your favorite football team? I hate American football, and I don’t understand football. Do any songs give you goosebumps? Usually songs that are really meant to evoke intense feelings, yeah - like songs used in series finales. Baby Blue, used in Breaking Bad’s last episode is a great example. What do you think about divorce? We don’t have it here, so all I have to say is we need it :) :) :) What's your favorite colour? Pastel pink. What's your favorite colour to wear? Black, maroon, or olive green. Isn't it lovely when your SO smells good? Yessssssssssss. What do your socks look like? I’m not wearing any at the moment but the last pair I wear was blue and it had a bacon and eggs design. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? Chicago. Where's the most beautiful place you've ever seen? Sagada. Do you watch shows like South Park, Family Guy, The Cleveland Show? I did, when I still used to watch on cable. I quickly realized that their humor was never my style, so I got tired of it easily. Harry Potter or Twilight? Twilight. Have you ever seen the show True Blood? Nope. Never looked interesting enough for me. Have you ever read a Harry Potter book? Yes. I read the series up until I reached the thick blue book, and at that point I realized it was gonna be the same old shit I read in the last four or so books. I always kinda hoped it was gonna be a different story for every new book but I never learned until I reached the blue one. I think I put it down by Page 2 and never returned to it anymore. Do you have anything autographed by a celebrity? I have a poster signed by AJ Lee, but I think that’s it. I used to have it on a frame because I absolutely DID NOT want it to get dirty, until my mom redesigned my room and it got placed in my closet. I would never throw it away, though. If you HAD to makeout with a celeb from the Disney channel, who would it be? I don’t know any of the new ones so I’m sticking with the people from my era. I’d go with Miley Cyrus. Who's your favorite actor? Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet. Who can make you laugh no matter what? Hans.

What's your favorite way to eat peanut butter? As a doughnut flavor, in a milkshake, in a Reese’s, or with a spoon. Can you play any musical instruments? Just the recorder. I ‘know’ how to play piano but only because I know which keys to press to play my favorite tunes. Have you ever obsessed over a crush before? When I was in Grade 5 and was the typical 11 year old, sure. The last time you packed, what did you pack? Stuff for a trip to the beach. The next time you pack, where will you be going? Not sure. I think my dad has a couple of out-of-town trips planned. Do you still watch any cartoons meant for kids? Spongebob, that’s for sure haha. What's your favorite kind of cereal? I don’t like grainy ones. I’d go for super sweet cereals, like Cookie Crisps. What'd you eat for breakfast, all this past week? I skipped breakfast all week because I’ve had to drive to my morning classes. History or Discovery channel? Discovery, because History Channel is barely about history these days. Do you have a good memory? Yes. Do you have a Netflix? My dad handles the family plan, but yeah I technically have one because I’m part of the subscription. What were you doing the last time you were on a roof? I’ve never been on a roof, just rooftops. Have you ever attended a slumber party? I’ve been to sleepovers, but we didn’t really call them ~slumber parties. What did you wear to bed last night? I wore a tank and shorts, my usual get-up at home. What's your favorite kind of sandwich? Banh mi! Have you ever *dated* someone you've never met? Nope. Where can you always find inspiration? UP. Have you ever left America? I’ve never *been* to America. Have you seen Alice In Wonderland? Nope. Have you seen The Lovely Bones? Nope. What's your favorite movie, by the way? It’s either Good Will Hunting or Two for the Road. What keeps you awake at night? Various triggers.