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tfyoulookingatgiuxs · 7 months

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Hello!

Could you possibly do a cute opposites attract for Billy Hargrove? Not like a nerd reader, more like a flower child in a way. I think the idea would be very cute and funny.

I hope you have a great day!

•Interesting. I've never written something like this but I'm determined to be happy to try. In any case, I am ready to satisfy your request again. I want to point out how the word "flower child" stuck in my mind, making the reader a true flower child, in the literary sense. I hope you like it!

Sunflower

Billy Hargrove x FlowerChild!Reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: The late warm spring afternoon in Hawkins looked spectacular. The flowers were blooming and the sweet breeze touched you making you feel like you were in a fairy tale. But the day had other plans in mind for you and you never thought you would find him.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: Fluff, slight angst? fem!reader, no use of Y/N, your surname is Williams, bad language, opposite attract, sigarettes, daddy issue.

𝐀/𝐍: Request from @unamused-boss ,I hope I have satisfied your request! I apologize for any errors and I also hope that I have exceeded your expectations. Sorry for my english this is not my native language. Please support and reblog! Hope you enjoy this one. (DIVIDER NOT MINE)

It was a late afternoon in Hawkins. Spring had just begun and the flowers had just bloomed, coloring an isolated part of the forest forgotten by everyone. It was like an enchanted place, you had to go through the woods to get there but you didn't mind walking a bit. It felt like a real paradise, it was like your secret place. No one could get there, only you knew how to get in and you knew how to get out.

Every day after school you go there. School could be hard and going there among the greenery and flowers made you happy and let your emotions shine through.

The flowers that surrounded you were all sunflowers, a truly infinite field, with the presence of a few daisies.

You had always been a girl with elegant feminine tastes, high grades but also a strong and difficult character. Nothing could make you happier than nature and flowers in general. You had a nice green thumb, you knew how to grow and plant. This is due to the fact that your uncle worked for a long time in the countryside and when you went to visit him for the holidays there was always something new to learn.

Today you headed there once again, full of happiness. The sun warmed you as you walked through the green tall grass. You sat down, letting the fresh air and surrounding sounds carry you away. The wind, the birds singing..."Holy shit!" you heard in the distance. You reopened your eyes in confusion and saw something you never expected to see. Someone had managed to get to your secret place. The worst thing? It was Billy Hargrove.

Billy Hargrove was a boy who went to the same school as you, he was lazy, didn't work hard at school and only thought about having fun and going to parties drinking like crazy. Besides this, he was also a very attractive boy, with long blond curls and crystal blue eyes and a nice physique. In short, aesthetically he was very handsome, you couldn't deny it, but otherwise he wasn't really your type, he was your opposite, you couldn't hope to get along with him.

You hadn't spoken to him much, you had only tutored him last year to help him with his grades. Needless to say, he tried to persuade you by convincing you to do his homework but luckily you were smarter than him. Now he had improved, but it was clear that he didn't want to study or think about his future.

From the way he was fidgeting you could tell he got lost "Hey!" He screamed as soon as he saw you, most likely he didn't recognize you. You stood up from where you were sitting as the skirt of your white dress fluttered. Billy looked at your figure, you were more enchanting than ever and perhaps he had never noticed it until now. You got closer and Billy did the same thing. "Look who's here, Williams." he said sarcastically "Nice to see you Hargorve" you also added a note of sarcasm but still keeping a certain lightness in your words "You can call me Billy" he winked at you and you rolled your eyes.

To be clear. You don't hate him. You know he was teasing you and obviously you didn't get carried away by his games. He was just different and as much as you might hope for redemption from him, you had to accept the fact that Billy Hargorve was the same old bad boy who will never change, and that everything good he had is gone.

"Did you get lost by any chance?" You asked looking at the field and he took a cigarette out of his pocket and you ignored him "What do you say? Do you think I'm a guy who loves remote places?" He looked at you with an obvious look as he lit his cigarette. The nauseating smell of tobacco pervaded you while with one hand you tried to get rid of the bad smell "No, but apparently you love the woods. In short, to come here you have to go through the woods, so excuse me if I ask you, but what do were you doing there?" Billy didn't answer you for a moment, he could have said "it's none of your business" or "Don't mind any fucking business that doesn't concern you Williams" in a more vulgar way, but he didn't. Even though he could be harsh, he wasn't that bad after all and it wasn't appropriate to use such forced language in front of a damsel.

"I was... walking" he didn't add anything else while his curls fluttered a little from here to there. From his tone you felt like he wanted to tell you something, but he decided not to. Maybe he had a rough day? Or maybe he's just in a bad mood? You've started to speculate. Although curious about what that walk meant, you decided not to say anything else and responded with a simple "Okay" and then silence fell.

"And you? Why are you here? Is the little damsel lost too?" You crossed your arms at his typical womanizer nickname "Oh no. I'm not lost. I come here often" He raised an eyebrow as he blew smoke from his plump lips "Why? What's great about being here looking at nothing?" You laughed slightly "You can't look at anything! Being here relaxes me and helps me to... detach myself from reality" you said the last words with a sense of sadness.

Life could be really mean and even cruel, and the worst thing is when you have no one to ask for help. When you think that nothing can help you get up and move forward, but in the end you understand that even something abstract or something concrete like an object, or anything that is not human can help you in your difficulties. Yours was nature, this secret place of yours that you wished you had discovered sooner. Few perhaps couldn't understand what you find so beautiful in plants or landscapes, and honestly not even you could explain it. Billy, on the other hand, remained silent and looked at you and then threw his cigarette on the ground and crushed it with his foot "Nonsense, you can't detach yourself from reality" his tone was serious and you looked at his features, he was angry? No. He was injured.

"As much as you try, reality is always there, you can't ignore it, much less detach yourself from it..." he continued and then he met your eyes and let out a cough "...so, Here. I find it difficult to understand what you find here Williams, maybe you're strange" he finished the sentence as if nothing had happened, as if what he had said before didn't matter. You approached him and Billy looked at you carefully "Can't you? Or maybe you don't want to?" Hargrove looked at you as if shocked "From the way you speak it's as if you want to detach yourself from reality, but you decide not to, is it perhaps because you're more worried about what happens in reality? As if every little distraction could cause something bad than not can you ignore it?" At that moment, a face never known to you formed on the face of the boy with golden curls, a different Billy you had never seen before. It was like vulnerable...

“I'm sorry, maybe this makes you uncomfortable.” You panicked. You hadn't even realized your words let alone that maybe it might make Billy uncomfortable in some way. You tried to compose yourself and walked away, changing the subject "Now I can take you back out of the woods, I know the way to-"

“My father” you were interrupted by his voice which now seemed to have taken on a different tone “What?”

"My father i can't ignore." You didn't say anything, letting him continue "I always tried to think about other things, maybe focusing on going out for parties or going to basketball games. But when I did that, my father made my life even worse, making it total shit" the wind blew was lowered and Billy in the meantime leaned with his back on a nearby tree "You're right when you say that 'I would like to detach myself from reality but I can't' because I realized that I can't do it..." his words were so genuine, so sincere, but at the same time so suffering. It was as if the Billy you knew wasn't there. They weren't his words, yet they came out of his mouth.

Instinctively you placed your light hand on his forearm and he looked back into your eyes "It's never too late to try again Billy. Don't let just one person ruin you, because then you'll end up regretting it" you replied and then you smiled. He wasn't convinced, but you were willing to let him know. You gently grabbed his hand and he let you do it, as if he was enchanted by your touch "Come with me" you said and together you walked through what was the field of sunflowers.

"You know, the first time I ended up here I thought how the day couldn't get any worse. I was lost too. But I don't think I found a better place to be" the blue-eyed boy looked around and he was like carefree "Here you don't have to fear anything, here you are safe and not even your father can hurt you" you reassured him and your hands melted. Hargrove continued to remain silent and then sat up enjoying the wind caressing his face and simply nodded.

"Can I tell you something Williams?" You nodded "Sure" he got up and took a sunflower and cut off the stem. You felt bad when the flowers were pulled down but you decided not to say anything. He looked at it carefully and then glanced at you "You like flowers right?" You nodded again "So much" Billy continued to stare at you and then with his free hand he placed a lock of your hair behind your ear, placing the flower in the same place "Then you will know what the sunflower means" your cheeks turned red admiring Billy's face with enchantment "I'll give it to you, it suits you" your heart stopped beating for a moment when the boy with golden curls smiled at you and then walked away.

You watched his figure. The sunflower symbolized the sun, therefore the light of life. When you gave a sunflower to a person it was to tell them how sunny and cheerful they are. You didn't think Billy was capable of such a gesture or even that he knew the meaning of the flower. Apparently you didn't know Billy Hargrove for all intents and purposes.

What was it you said? "As much as you could hope for redemption from him, did you have to accept the fact that Billy Hargorve was the usual bad boy who will never change, and that everything good he had was lost?" It turns out you were very wrong.

"So, will you help me out of the woods or not?" He turned around noticing that you weren't following him "Yes" You shook your head coming back to earth "You must not tell anyone what I told you, I would like it to stay between us, clear Williams?" You nodded, laughing.

From that day on you began to see Billy Hargrove with different eyes.

#stranger things #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove fluff #stranger things billy #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #flowers #flower child #fem!reader

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mikerickson · 10 months

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Lifting my self-imposed embargo because I'm weird and don't like posting on social media when I'm on vacation.

I'm at a point in my life where I can financially justify at least one international vacation a year and figured I'd finally cross off the Great White North from the bucket list. I'd never been and Andrew hadn't been back in a very long time despite having dual citizenship. Anyways, just got back, and a bullet-point breakdown of the highlights is after the cut:

I wish every international flight was under two hours; EWR to YQB was almost comically fast.

Had my first French conversation with the very nice lady at the car rental counter for about ten minutes. She complemented my pronunciation and grammar, and wished me luck on the trip. Every French interaction after this point was a linguistic battle for my life that I lost (Toutes les Québecois parlent trop vite pour moi).

We had some time to kill before the hotel check-in so we went to a mall in the suburbs just so we'd have a food court with some options. Turns out shopping malls are not only alive and well but fucking thriving in Canada. I haven't seen a mall that packed with people outside of December since the nineties.

Quebec City was very dense with old architecture which made it feel very European. It was also apparently built on a fucking cliff with streets at 60 degree inclines, which also felt very European.

Took a tour of the Quebec Parliament building (beautiful structure), and apparently they used to be bicameral, but voted to abolish their Senate in the 60's and they were the last Canadian province to do so. What a concept.

It's one thing to know on paper that Canada has about 1/8th of the population of the US, but I was not prepared for just how empty the countryside felt. For someone like me, living in the northeast my whole life, the idea that cities in close proximity to each other not having continuous stretches of suburbs and other smaller cities connecting them was completely foreign.

On the highways I kept thinking I was speeding because I'd look down at the dashboard and see the number "100", but 100 km/h is only like 62 mph, which is nothing.

Similarly, I kept getting sticker shock every time I spent money, and kept having to remind myself that $1 CAD was like $0.73 USD while we were there.

It was really cool to see that the complex for the 1976 Montreal Olympics is still maintained and actively used (we stumbled upon a skateboarding competition and I did not feel cool enough to be in that crowd). Sometimes you hear horror stories about Olympic villages bankrupting cities and falling into disuse afterwards, but that's definitely not the case here.

Montreal is apparently known for their local bagel culture, but their bagels have enormous holes in the middle of them, so you have less cross-sectional area for spreads and they don't really work for sandwiches. My faith in NJ/NY bagel superiority remains intact.

Every city we went to had dedicated bike lane infrastructure and young families with kids, but Montreal definitely had the most of both. Tons of parks, too. Simultaneously felt like a larger and smaller city than I was expecting.

Poutine is okay, but I wasn't prepared for the cheese to squeak when you bite into it. Very odd sensation.

The main Parliament building for the federal government in Ottawa (Centre Block) is stunning, but closed; apparently it's been under renovation since 2019 and isn't expected to be reopened until 2032! In the meantime, we took a tour of where the lower House of Commons is currently meeting. We learned that their electoral districts are routinely re-drafted by a non-partisan committee and that they occasionally add new seats to the legislature to account for changes in population. I had to seethe jealously in silence for the rest of the tour.

Also toured their Supreme Court building (way more Art Deco than I was expecting). We learned that there's currently a vacancy because a Justice recently retired because they're required to step down when they turn 75. I had to seethe jealously in silence for the rest of the tour.

Every single city had automatic/self-serve parking garages where you didn't have to interact with a human (which I was very thankful for), but in Ottawa they have this little jingle that the machine sings at you when you take your ticket, which I found very amusing.

On the drive to Toronto we took a quick detour into the Thousand Islands (yes, like the salad dressing) and visited Boldt Castle, which is technically in New York state. After seeing it in practice, the idea of living on your own private island is more appealing than ever.

Toronto feels like an exercise in what happens when a nation's largest city is allowed to grow without being hemmed in by ridiculous geography. As someone who grew up in NYC, this is another concept foreign to me. The GPS did get very tripped up navigating a particularly gnarly interchange however.

Toured the Ontario Legislative Assembly (yet another beautiful building). At this point we were really good at asking tour guides stuff like, "so if happens, do you guys have a plan?" To which they would reply, "well, no, but let's just hope that never happens!"

I now understand why the Great Lakes are effectively freshwater inland seas; you really cannot see the other shore, and Lake Ontario isn't even the biggest one!

YYC to EWR was under an hour. That's definitely going to spoil me for future trips going forward.

#life #travel #Canada

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neptoons1998 · 8 months

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Together forever

Summary: They were always meant to be. even after all these years/

Tag gang: @somethingcleaverandwhitty @s0lam33y @xchoxix @mal-urameshi

A/N: Okay I hope this will give your Halloween fixes.

Summary: Riri couldn’t help but be pulled to the mysterious woman’s aurora.

Riri felt her stomach unsettled as the car rocked back and forth, why on earth did she agree to do this job? Because you need money her mind retores. Riri leaned her head back as she sighed when she got there she was going to get the most significant story that would make her career.

She was meeting THE Shuri. The famous artist. Her art has been hung around many art museums and has been sold for millions.

“This would finally get you on the map!” MJ, Riri’s roommate exclaimed with cheer. Riri was over the moon when her boss picked her to do the interview. Riri remembers packing her clothes in a small suitcase.

The catch is she has never been interviewed. Anytime someone wanted to she would politely decline the invitation, except now that is. Riri felt the jolt of the car coming to a stop.

“Where here ma’am,” The driver’s rough voice out his pierced blue eyes looked into Riri’s.

Riri smiled stiffly at the driver, “Yes thank you.”

“Miss,” The driver started before Riri could leave the car, “Please be careful. Anyone who goes in doesn’t make it back.”

Great Riri thought as her stomach dropped for the second time today, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

And with that, the driver quickly left the young woman at the gothic mansion in the countryside.

“Get the interview and leave,” Riri repeated in her thoughts as she hiked up her bag.

Before she could knock on the door creaked open as if she knew she would arrive at the mansion. It took everything in Riri not to run over for the hills, Think about the paycheck. Think about the paycheck.

X.X.X

Riri bit the inside of her cheek as she went into the building. The mansion had a smell like leather and old paint that hadn’t been dried yet. Different art pieces were placed around the long hallway they looked like they were made years ago.

“Hello,” Riri called out as continued walking, “Ms. Udak I’m here for the interview?”

Riri pressed on, she couldn’t but feel like she was being watched. Riri slipped herself into one of the many rooms of the mansion. She hoped to find the main residents there, but she did find a painting. The painting had a black woman in on a chair looking regal. Her eyes seemed to follow Riri’s. But was weird about this painting it kinda looked like Riri. Before Riri could get a closer look at the paint the floorboard creaked causing the young woman to turn around to the source.

“Oh,” Riri gasped in surprise as she turned to see the artist. Shuri was taller than Riri thought she would. The woman wore a flowy dress shirt and black slacks, “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have been here.”

“No my love,” Shuri said, “You are where you’re supposed to be.”

Riri’s throat was closed by Shuri’s comment. Riri clicked her pen as she felt Shuri’s walk around her.

Like a panther to its prey.

“You’re so kind,” Riri commented finally able to grab her senses back, “I’m sure you tell it to all women who interview you.”

Shuri smirked at her as if she knew a unique secret that Riri didn’t know, “Only you. ”

Riri could feel her heart race at the woman’s response, “Where do you want to do the interview?”

Riri couldn't believe how alluring Shuri was to her. The young woman felt like she had known this woman her whole life. They talked about things for the interview, but Shuri would make conversation about anything.

“I think I have enough for the paper,” Riri commented on her notes.

Shuri gave her a quiet smile, “If not you are more than welcome to come back, Riri.”

Riri smirked, “If I did that. I’ll probably will never leave.”

Shuri’s eyes watched her as she was packing her things, Riri felt the pressure to hurry up and get out of the woman’s way. Riri gave a quick gto realize that she wasn’t looking at her as if she was a bug underneath her shoe; instead, something that she had lost and was overjoyed to have back.

“Well I really should leave,” Riri commented as she moved to give space between the pair. Shuri’s eyes followed her.

“Not that I don’t love being h-here,” Riri commented as she continued to ramble.

“You can’t leave,” Shuri replied. Riri’s heart quickened with that statement.

“W-Why?” Riri asked pulling her bag close to her.

“The storm is coming here,” Shuri explained as she showed the Riri on her phone, “It’s too dangerous now, especially with rain and all. You should stay here,” Shuri commented.

Riri looked out the window now seeing the dark clouds that were brewing, “Are you sure? I’m sure there are some hotels I could stay in.”

“Nonsense,” Shuri relied as she pulled the curtains to close them. Shuri pulled Riri closer to her, “After all my home is your home, my love.”

X.X.X

In guest bedroom was very spacious at least in Riri's view. The room had a bathroom attached to it. The canopy bed is in the hue of deep greens and blues. The indoor plants sat across the ceiling window.

“I hope you like it,” Shuri said as she stayed behind the door. Riri continued to look around the guestroom.

“Like it?” Riri repeated as she turned to look at Shuri, “I love it! These are my favorite colors.”

“I’m glad the room is up to your expectations,” Shuri teased causing Riri to make a cute pout. That squeezed Shuri’s heart.

“I’ll be in this room two doors down,” Shuri explained as she started to leave Riri, “Enjoy your stay Riri.”

X. x. X.

Shuri couldn’t believe that she was her. Her greatest love has been recreated, it took over a thousand years but she was here. She acted the same in some ways and different in others. Shuri couldn’t help but feel glee with her soulmate.

This time her name is Riri Shuri thought as she continued her routine for “bed” waiting for Riri to fall asleep before she could do her nightly hunt.

#ao3 #fanfiction #shuriri #shuri x riri #riri williams #writing #halloween fanfics

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riewritten · 3 months

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CHAPTER 6. COUNTERATTACK

EDGE OF THE PRECIPICE — DIRECTORY

ERWIN X FEM!READER, ERWIN X YOU, NO Y/N | hurt/comfort, angst, mystery, childhood friends, fake marriage, modern au, parallel universe, reincarnation, mentions of canon, pining commander erwin smith, trauma, manipulation, referenced child abuse, violence, psychological torture

SUMMARY: Aggressive land grabbing from the royal government ensue from one countryside to the other, all allegedly for the prophecy: a tree, vast source of power that'd bring great abundance and prosperity to mankind, is standing among their lands. As the said prophecy holds the answer to the tragic childhood you have no memories of, the guerilla's commander pulls out something he prepared for years to help. AO3 | FANFICTION

WORDS: 6k | Want to get tagged for the succeeding chapters? Sign up here.

Levi, Isabel, you, and Erwin stayed inside the conference room after everyone in the HQ called it a night. An old vintage television is open and its news flash report further echoed the already grim mood.

“Breaking news: Stohess citizens, abducted by rebels to avenge their comrade’s death.”

“What?!” Isabel grimaced.

“Reportedly thirteen soldiers were dead on arrival while five were injured. Citizen casualties remain unknown as they were seized before back-ups had arrived. The rebel being avenged, Petra Ral, was a university student branded as the ‘brainwashed Eldian.’ Ms. Ral was said to be killed after trying to shoot a Military Police officer,” the newscaster continued.

“So this is their game?” Isabel taunted at the air. “Bet they’d make these five soldiers who weren’t even there fool the media with sob stories of how merciless we were.”

Petra did not deserve such disdain at her name, but this time you remain composed instead of making a scene yet again. It’s not like you could do anything about it, not when the next person interviewed on the news was your former boss—the same man who berated Petra at the cafe, the same man who made you realize how desperate you were for normalcy to the point of letting a precious friend’s reputation undeservingly stepped on over and over. Your then-boss sputtered a lot of nonsense on live TV to make his exposure longer. He spoke of how barbaric Petra was, of how he regretted hiring a girl like her, and even went far as to mention your name—that you were one of the poor fellows fooled by Petra’s “so-called” kindness because, before you went AWOL, he caught you staring daggers at him which sent shivers down his spine. He even added in his final statement, “It wouldn’t surprise me if she joined the rebels, too. Petra was smart enough to brainwash students who seemed like a complete airhead like her workmate.”

The one who broke the grim atmosphere (or perhaps made it even worse) was Erwin. He chuckled, sardonically so, as if it was nothing but a noontime gag show and your then-boss was none but a stand comedian.

Levi had the face saying ‘the fuck are you laughing on’ but didn’t waste energy to tell him out loud because, after all, out of all people inside the room, Erwin would be the one to react most unkindly once your name was said in a bad light. It’s always been that way for you, even back in Mitras, so annoyingly protective even after you berate him for taking on fights that were yours to take in the first place.

Perhaps Isabel deemed the laugh utterly displeasing and felt compelled to turn off the TV and change the topic—you were her chosen target, “I actually don’t know what name to call you anymore. Would you rather go by your original name, A—”

“That is not my original name,” you grimaced but quickly regained composure because, if anything, Isabel meant no harm, “I’m sorry. I just—I don’t like the name. Please call me as it is.”

“I prefer your current name now, too! Erwin said you were the one who came up with it as a child. How did that happen, though?”

“Erwin’s aunt allowed me to do so after she adopted me. Now that I think of it,” you then turn to Erwin to ask, “You were the one who suggested to give me a new name. Did you do that to hide me from the royal family?”

“If I were Erwin, I would’ve done the same if not more. The last thing I’d want for you is to be used as collateral for a prophecy that can’t even be proven unless you die,” Isabel tapped Erwin’s shoulders. “Smart move, Er—ouch! Levi, be more gentle!”

Levi carefully tied Isabel’s hair up to tend the wounds on her back, after which he called your name to say, “The royal family and its cohorts are squeezing their brains out to find you. Not even your face as a child could be retrieved. It was as if someone intentionally ensured that your traces would be erased.”

“When I was young, everyone in the village made a precaution to not take pictures of me. I thought it’s because camera flashes could be a trigger as they could potentially be associated with explosions, but the reason is much clearer now.”

“Seems like Erwin’s family was hands-on with you.”

“Erwin himself, even,” Levi mused, “he’s been watching you all this time. Erwin and I had known each other even before you went to university. He was the one who urged me to let you in. The ‘room for rent’ poster at the university bulletin board was intended only for you to see—just so you’d think you found us all by yourself.”

Your eyes widened.

“That’s a bit creepy,” Isabel shuddered.

“Oh, it seems like you’re not fond of saying your acts of love out loud, yeah?” Levi quipped nonchalantly at the man in question. Erwin, although stoic, seemed to ask Levi what he was trying to do right now. But even before he got to, you glared at him and asked, “Is that true?”

“It is.”

“And you didn’t tell me anything, Levi?” the next glare was for him.

“That’s my next question to Erwin,” Levi lowered his voice, darkly so. “As I said, I’m not here to mess around with whatever prophecy the royal family is brewing behind our backs. If you still don’t give us the context regarding her identity, I’m taking Isabel home with me.”

“Hey, Levi,” Isabel grimaced.

If Erwin was threatened with that, he showed no signs of it. Instead he looked at you. His gaze was silent but asking. It didn’t take you long to construe what it was: Would you like to be the one to answer? It concerns your past, after all.

“Did you really save her from those fires?”

And thus, you tried answering in his stead, “Yes. As far as my memories are concerned, he saved me, but…”

“But what?”

Try to recall it. Try to recall it.

Years ago, you saw the giant tree and witnessed Erwin crying for the first and last time, after which he started avoiding you. He started locking the door of his room so you wouldn’t enter. You thought of ways to apologize, including searching around their house for an apology gift, leading you to a newspaper clip in his father’s room. You saw the headline news of your house being burnt to shreds. Then you remembered. You remembered what really happened in that house.

What happened? You already remembered what really happened! Why couldn’t you recall it?

You just woke up blaming Erwin all of a sudden. It came to a point that Carly brought you far away from him to ease your panic attacks. She got you checked by a psychiatrist. The professional said that your brain might be formulating memories that didn’t happen.

Then…? What happened next again…? How did your relationship with Erwin get fixed again?

Erwin eventually forced himself to your new home. He lived with you and made attempts to clear the misunderstanding. He recalled the truth to you, repeatedly so, and you finally succumbed to him when he saved you from the fires in the vacant lot—a fire instigated by random kids.

That’s what had happened, right?

Then why… Why do you have a dream about Erwin instigating that fire himself to convince you, albeit forcefully, that he saved you?

What exactly have you seen that day?

“Hey,” Isabel patted your shoulder to cut your thoughts off. “You okay?”

“I am not sure,” you muttered, “I’m not sure what I’ve seen that day,” you clasped both hands on your head, wide-eyed, utterly confused. “It’s as if my brain is making up something. It’s as if it’s intentionally painting Erwin in a bad light. The voices are speaking inside my head, full of warning, even if Erwin’s the last one to hurt me out of all the people in this world.”

REALLY? IS THAT REALLY THE CASE, LITTLE FLOWER?

“People who went through horrible situations could really have foggy recollection, you know? Your brain has a reason to be like that to protect you. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Don’t force yourself to remember.” Isabel seemed really worried this time.

REALLY? REALLY? REALLY?

Isabel’s glare tightened at Levi. Erwin’s gaze was looking on you, then to Levi not long after, “Is that what would make you stay? Forcing her past out of her—making her remember the things she had forgotten to protect her sanity—would that really help you unveil the truth of how bastard of a father Kenny was to Furlan?”

‘Don’t speak as though Furlan’s death is not connected to her identity in the first place!’ is what Levi almost said; you could see the look of disdain on his face. But his face softened as soon as he glanced at you. You wouldn’t like to hear that from him. Erwin was right. Your past is not the primary reason he and Isabel joined the guerillas. It’s to uncover Furlan’s death.

Levi sighed, exasperated, then gave you a bottle of water. “Isabel is right. Don’t force yourself too much.”

The days went by with Levi and Erwin seemingly in a rift between each other, yet they were still able to work efficiently for the next mission.

It came to Erwin that the Military Police distributed a huge intelligence fund to find Anna. This eventually resulted in rising worries of citizens, especially women, as they felt like someone was watching them. Some condemned the Military Police for it, but some defended it and said it was all for the prosperity of Eldia and that the royal family surely knew what they were doing.

You managed to build relations with the establishments where most Military Police hang out, which led you to befriend Marie, the owner of the bar nearest to the Interior Police headquarters, and she hired you immediately when you said you’ve been trying to find a job.

“Bloody hell, I feel like every woman I’ve been fuckin’ lately could potentially be Anna,” the MP soldier hiccuped as you poured him another drink, “and that I can’t let night pass without questionin’ ’em. It’s that or my promotion at risk, y’know?”

“It must be unfortunate to be a soldier,” you lamented. “Maybe I must be grateful I settled on a job like this.”

“I also am grateful, ya see,” he giggled and scooted closer, breath reeked of beer—disgustingly so, “’cause I get to have a beauty like ya pourin’ my glass after a long, long day.”

Fortunately, Marie swatted him away from you, “That’s my girl you’re touching there.”

“Oh, why so stingy! She’s the first woman ya hired since this damn business got movin’! Lemme have my share as yer best customer!”

“I sell liquor, not women—as if it’s even ethical to sell women,” Marie rolled her eyes and, as swift as ever, collected the used glasses at the counter. “Why don’t you find that wanted girl first so you’d have your long-awaited promotion? Flirting around won’t get you there.”

“Easy for ya to say because yer husband’s already a high-rankin’ dog!” he spat. “These damn women, suckin’ higher officers’ dick off—hic—but scold low-rankin’ soldiers tailin’ ’em.” This time, he sounded like sulking to himself, although Marie could still hear it.

Poor Marie. This bar was swamped by drunkard soldiers when their reputation changed from valor to perversion due to the intelligence mission, and yet this drunk man in front of you trying to mimic Kenny’s way of talking didn’t make the nuisance lighter.

“It’s already a woman’s burden to be tailed by the likes of you and yet you still have the guts to blame us.”

“‘Ya sayin’ something?!” the man shot daggers to the now enraged Marie, “Know yer place and just keep suckin’ yer husband off after his long long day of workin’ his ass off! Just for yer damned bar!” then he spitted on the counter. “Ya thought just ’cause ya got chance doin’ business, yer already superior to us, huh? I bet ya husband’s just lettin’ you ’cause of how good you are in bed! Know yer place and—”

The whole place is rattled into silence when Marie slaps the soldier, clearly offended, eyes shaking in anger. You thought how hard it must’ve been to her all this time, to have such barbaric customers in and out of her lawn. Perhaps that’s even the main reason why she wasn’t fond of hiring women until you asked her for help.

It was even more pitiful when a group of drunk soldiers came to rescue the man. They spat curses to the both of you, of how this whole operation of finding an unknown girl has been stressing their guts, of how they would still do it anyway because they’re men who merely wanted the prosperity of Eldia—the prosperity of the women who so despised them.

Just before Marie could request security, one soldier suddenly exclaimed, “Ah! You must be that person! Hah, we found her. We found Anna!”

It was as though a bucket of ice was thrown at you. But then, their inebriated selves were looking at Marie. They claimed Marie as the wanted girl just because she defended herself against blatant disrespect. No one seems to be functioning properly because of the liquor, hence none of them would cut the commotion off. “You see, one thing we know about Anna is that she’s a child born out of the Interior Police’s operation. Some soldier fucked a woman of a powerful lineage, a lineage so powerful that it could give the holy tree!”

“What are you trying to say?!” Marie shouted back, fuming.

“So the product of that operation must be affiliated to the military, one way or another! Right, right?! Don’t you think so?! We’re all stuck in this because someone in our ranks is a snitch! That’s it! We solved it!”

His remark seemed to turn on the lightbulbs of every soldier inside the bar. Their eyes start becoming more predatory—perhaps even more desperate, because their superiors are onto nothing but “Find her, find her, find her!” recently that every woman they come across salivates their desire to get this over with.

While you’re secretly communicating with the guerilla unit near the area so they’d arrive before the commotion starts, what he said bothered you to no end. No, it didn’t just bother you—it made you remember something, and it’s the first time you have remembered something you’re sure is accurate.

“Once she turns ten, she’ll be the royal family’s property. Don’t you get attached to her,” he says.

“No way you’d tell that to a mother like me,” she quips, voice laced with honey. “Worry not, she is aware of it herself. Aren’t you, my cute little girl?” then pinches your cheeks.

“Yes, I do! Once I turn ten, I will bless the royal family with prospre—prospreri—prospreritri—”

“It’s prosperity,” your father spats. He seems about to scold you but ends up shaking his head instead. “Nevermind. Not like it’d make a difference if you were born smart.”

“Give her some slack,” your mother quips then fondly looks at you, “don’t mind him. Daddy’s jealous because you’re special.”

“I am?”

“Yes, you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because our bloodline is special! We’re saviors capable of finding the tree and awakening its bearer! Awaking the bearer means giving prosperity to Eldia!”

“Yay! Prosprerity!”

Your mother’s laugh gets even louder, and although your father still looks annoyed, you can see him holding back a smile.

“Miss Marie, pray tell, pray tell,” a soldier hummed, “where do the rebels stay?”

“You son of a—” Marie cut herself off and shot you a glance instead. “Go get someone to fix this.”

You nodded and tried to walk away, but another soldier cornered you, “Why do you think we could let you go when you’re working alongside this woman?” then his face turned sour, “You’re a damn rebel too, aren’t you? Look at how young you are, as old as that orange bitch!”

You very much knew who he was talking about, so your rage did something unhelpful to the situation: you slapped him hard, tears in the corner of your eyes. It enraged the soldier just the same, and so he ordered, “Cuff the two of them!” You tried to defend yourselves, but twenty inebriated soldiers were still soldiers; even if you managed to knock down five of them, someone would be swift enough to point a knife at Marie’s neck. That was your cue to stop fighting. The soldier smiled sardonically, “I see you’re a good girl.”

You let yourself be cuffed, nothing ringing in your mind but vital information you gathered while staying here.

The previous week, a customer working as a clerk inside the Interior Police said that Commander Kenny’s son was a needed sacrifice for the prosperity of mankind. He mourns for him, but it must not be mistaken for Petra who died at the same age. Petra was a life wasted. Had the rebels heeded the warning to give Anna over, no one would have been killed. You asked her then, “So it was a massacre, wasn’t it?” She shrugged and answered, “Is it really relevant if we’re talking about the rebels? The government had always wanted to get rid of them. Who would budge if it really was a massacre?”

Then, two days ago, a young soldier who had just been promoted to be a part of the Interior Police valiantly said, “Someone as powerful as Anna must be kept by the authorities, but look where she is instead, in the hands of the rebels! The royal family means no harm. They need her power for their citizens’ prosperity. It must not be held by the Eldians who could abuse it!” And so you asked him, “Do you know what Anna’s power really is?” Instead, he glared at you, “Are you not attending the church every Sunday?” When you shook your head, he sighed, deeming you lower than him. The young soldier told you everything Isabel and Levi knew about the prophecy and the tree. After thirty minutes of him rambling, you finally cut him off out of annoyance. “Do you know what exactly Anna’s part is?” You then realize that the young boy doesn’t know at all. He doesn’t know a thing, yet he still holds their words dear because they’re his fellow believers, and believing them means being loyal to the royal family.

When you and Marie were all tied and surrounded by drunk soldiers pretending as though they were inside an interrogation room, you asked,” Why do you think rebels exist, Officer?”

“Because they’re incompetent and aching for war, ruining peace for their own gain. Why? Finally admitting you’re one of them? Oh, we gon’ reward you real good, then.”

“The royal government and its cohorts are the ones ruining peace for their own gain. The rebels just retaliated to defend themselves.”

Another soldier pushed him away in a glare, “Yeah? So what is your relation to them?”

“They saved me.”

“Oh, poor girl. She must’ve been brainwashed, too,” the other one sitting on the counter, about to faint, murmured while hugging his bottle.

“Do you know where Anna is? How about the Commander? What does he look like?”

You didn’t speak. That’s something they could never squeeze out of you. The drunk soldier, much to your and Marie’s surprise, hit your head hard with the bottle. You tried your very best to gulp down your scream, tried your very best to not let the pain know because Erwin trained you for it. You felt the blood drip to your cheeks and chin until droplets of it came down to your shirt. Marie’s screams made you dizzy.

In a span of a moment, you get the urge to sleep, but something uncanny makes you alert—the longer the blood permeates the room, the darker it gets. You thought you were merely feeling things because of the head injury, but you were sure everyone else had felt it, too. The soldier who hit you looked so utterly horrified not long after. He seemed sober again. The soldier who was about to sleep just stood up to scream. The glass bottles on the shelves started clanking against each other as the tables began shaking. The barely cleaned roof showered everyone with its long-standing dust just as if they were alive and as scared as you all were. It wasn’t long for Marie to faint, too.

Out of nowhere, everyone started kneeling at you, shouting their apologies, acting as though they just angered an otherworldly entity. You looked down at them, aghast, as the concussion in your head and the blood you were losing didn’t help you comprehend the situation at hand.

The pin of the grenade was the rats under the floor, running and running as if an onslaught was happening inside their homes. The wind reeked of corpses, of anger, of suffocating entity taking control of every molecule in the space.

“T-the voice… it’s the same feeling when the voices speak…” you murmur to yourself. You did so repeatedly as the soldiers wept harder until the door banged open.

“Why are they kneeling and crying?” Moblit exclaimed in horror.

“No! Why are they kneeling and crying while she is tied and bleeding? Oh god, Nifa! First aid kit, please!” Hange ordered.

“Oh, y-you’re here… Thank heavens.”

However, your relief was quickly replaced with horror upon seeing Erwin’s face. It’s always been like this. Back when you two were younger, your playmates have always been so scared to play pranks at you because the first time they did, young Erwin—as you quote them—had ‘made them see hell.’ Your head dripping with blood upon his arrival would obviously warrant a situation way worse than this. You might be safe now, but nobody else is—not with this sight.

“Who’s the one responsible for this?”

You refused to answer. Perhaps out of impulse, or perhaps because you finally realized how scared you are at Erwin all this time. The voices in your head may be the deeply rooted fear for Erwin the same way your former Mitras friends had feared him.

Erwin called your name and repeated the question.

“Don’t worry too much about this. More importantly, Marie, my—”

He walked towards you. The nearer his footsteps get, the more dreadful the atmosphere becomes. “Who did that to you?”

Everyone went silent. The weeping became quiet strains. You were just about to repeat your remark—that there are more things to worry about—but then Erwin’s gaze turned to the soldier kneeling right before you.

The same officer who hit your head with the bottle.

“Commander, the place is starting to shake,” Nifa reported as she brought him the first aid kit.

“Is there an earthquake?”

“God, it reeks of corpses,” Hange pinched their nose.

“W-what?” Nanaba muttered in horror from the outside. “The rats are all over the road.”

“What the fuck is happening?”

“Fourth squad, check if the bar owner has incurred wounds. Treat her if need be. Miche, seize the soldiers. Do it quickly. Something strange is happening. Let’s leave this place all at once.”

“How about her…?” Hange pointed at you only for their question to be answered immediately as soon as Erwin untied you himself and applied pressure on your concussion.

With all the strength you have left inside you, you try to bargain, “D-don’t hurt the soldiers,” but his face didn’t change; hence, you repeated, “Don’t you dare hurt the soldiers, Erwin.”

Despite the whole place shaking, more stray animals panicking, and people weeping in fear, his scowl was only due to your pleas. “I loathe this attitude the most. If you ought to be too merciful of your enemies, even to the point of not holding them accountable, you might as well sit still and never join any operation again.”

“They must pay for this. We both know they must… b-but—hah,” you stammered, clearly struggling not to let the dizziness take over your consciousness. “they have information regarding Anna. I heard most of it already so—”

“So they must talk about it before bullets strike their heads.”

“No,” you stopped him from addressing your wounds to look straight in the eye, “It’s not the guerilla’s move to get swayed by their emotions, yes? You—hah—you’re the one who told me.”

If he weren’t too livid, he’d be chuckling sardonically. You almost saw him do so. “I’m not fond of repeating myself.”

He’s primarily here to ruin anyone who dared to go after you—you didn’t forget that, but it irks you. Amidst your consciousness on the precipice of leaving, anger kept you awake. How helpless have you been all this time that he naturally thought this was something to be done? And why is he depriving you of dealing with your issues now that you can do so?

“I must be the one to do that. Don’t take it away from me.”

There, you saw a glimpse of amusement in his features.

How sweet of you, really — he might’ve thought — how pathetically kind to try and save them by taking the punishment job in his stead. It’s not like you’re entirely wrong—you have all the right to subject all the needed punishment to those who laid their hands on you. It’s just that you lack something he’s been so full of all his life: resentment. He’s not just doing this for you. It’s to satiate his anger for those who dared, and while he trusts you with all of his life, he just knew you wouldn’t be able to do it the way he wants to.

“Are you worried that they’d feel pain?”

“No. Don’t try to change this—”

“Don’t you worry, silly flower. Corpses can’t feel more pain.”

“Erwin,” you warned.

“Sleep.”

“I’d seriously leave you if you do this.”

You almost saw his features falter. Before you fainted, you heard him mutter, “I’d like to see how that goes.”

The next thing you knew, you were on the infirmary bed inside the Underground, and news of what happened at Marie’s bar terrified every single citizen of Eldia, rebels alike. Believers of the prophecy increased just as the fear of the conquest horseman did. That was also the needed confirmation for Levi and Isabel because the captured soldiers spoke in a language they only heard from you before killing themselves.

“You told me you wouldn’t kill them!” you stormed to the conference room where Erwin and the squad leaders were meeting.

“I didn’t,” Erwin said. “Go back to your room and rest. You’re still not in your best shape.”

“You killed them, didn’t you?! I told you I’ll deal with them myself!”

“He didn’t kill them. We were there. We did interrogate them, but before they could say anything, they sputtered shit and killed themselves,” Levi snapped.

After a sigh, Erwin asked, “Would you like to sit, then? That’s what we’re talking about right now.” His offer made you look at everyone who’s just as lost. Your face flushed with embarrassment. You didn’t even get to fix your hair before storming inside. You sad down beside Levi, and Erwin finally continued. “Not only did they babble in a language we’re yet to understand, they also had the same carvings written on their bodies.”

“The same carvings written on Furlan’s corpse,” Levi begrudgingly admitted.

“So, the prophecy really might be true…” Miche pondered. “Then does that mean their land grabbing in pursuit of Eldia’s prosperity could be justified?”

“Would taking lands out of their tillers be justifiable with some dark magic in our lands? How about how the royal family’s cohorts privately named the seized lands theirs? Would the power of the tree explain that?” Levi scowled.

“There are only things we confirmed in this fiasco. First, the prophecy must be investigated further, and second, the conquest horseman born out of that tree—whoever they might be—does not side with the royal family. We must also find them to know their motives, and…” Erwin looked at Levi, “…to avenge Furlan Church, the first casualty they had brought to our ranks.”

Seems like Levi and Erwin were able to fix their rift while you were unconscious but it doesn’t change the fact that the horseman slipped away from your hands—the very being that haunted you since god knows when, and it was there on that day. You also realized it as soon as the atmosphere got uncanny and the soldiers knelt before you—oh. Oh god.

“Okay, so now, before we dig deeper, does anybody know what the prophecy entails in the first place?” Hange asked. “Sorry, I’m not a churchgoer, so…”

It was Levi who answered, “The church said that the Eldian race was once called ‘Subjects of Ymir,’ and we contain a power brought by a giant tree. The people blessed upon it, however, used the power in vain and committed atrocities all over the world, and so the whole Eldian race perished. The Church believes multiple worlds stipulate the universe, and this one we have is just one of them. The Eldian race was supposed to cease existence as their divine punishment, but a bloodline who also got power from that tree saved us from it.”

“And perhaps we can deduce that your bloodline is related to it, no?" Miche faced you. "Your counterintelligence report at Marie’s bar confirmed that a soldier admitted your upbringing was an operation led by the royal family where one of their men copulated with a woman of the same lineage.”

“And, as far as her recollection is concerned, said parents have mentioned giving her up to the royal family once she turns ten,” Moblit added.

“And! It just so happened that the fires happened on your tenth birthday!” Hange beamed. “Oh, you powerful girl.”

“It would seem as though I did it all by myself, no?” you chuckle blankly. “Burning people into crisps, inducing fear and suicide, carving on their corpses, among many other cruel things no sane human could do…”

“No, sorry,” Hange backed off, expression softening. “That’s not what I meant at all.”

Awkward silence permeated the room until Erwin cleared his throat, “To continue where Levi left off, the royal family wants the tree back in their grasp. One report we got from Petra's team before they were killed was that the previous king, Uri Reiss, on his deathbed, dreamt of the person who had saved the Eldian race through the power of the tree. His last words were, ‘Find her and her lineage, give them gratitude, for they used the tree’s power beyond their own gains.’ The royal family then deduced that by finding this lineage, they could use the tree once again. That’s the end of their report. Nothing has been found about the operation once it took place.”

The rest of the meeting was about recalibrating tasks inside the unit, considering that the prophecy was real. As soon as they finished, you followed Erwin to his room. You ensured no one would be lurking around outside, for you were about to say something that could scare them.

“The conquest devil is living inside me. I’m sure of it. That’s why they’re finding me.”

Erwin was silent, tormentingly so, and thus you repeat louder. “The conquest devil is living inside me. Everyone must know that the threat is within their ranks. You, of all people, must know what should be done at this point.”

“You see,” Erwin called your name, “while I wouldn’t deny that, I doubt it. You were not around the area when Furlan got killed, and Marie told us everything you had said. None of them could be used against you. Meaning, you didn’t say anything unusual of your character.”

“So all I have to do is prove that it’s inside me, right? Okay, then. Worry not, Commander.” Exasperated, you opened the door to dismiss yourself, only for Erwin to stop you. “Let go, Erwin.”

“They know what the voices inside you have been saying. Levi and I made a report out of it.”

You faced him wide-eyed, yet he looked at you gently, “A-and? What did they say?”

“It didn’t raise their doubts. In fact, they were filled with sympathy.” Your grasp at the knob loosened and Erwin got the chance to close the door again. He let you register the statement for a few minutes.

“They didn’t doubt me,” you repeated. “Not a single doubt at all?”

He held your shoulders against the door and gently asked, “Wanna know why?” You really are clueless as to why. Those alone are objective facts. How could they—

“Because they know you. And you’re dear to them just as they’re dear to you. When Marie explained how you defended the guerillas without fear, Nifa even started to cry. Isabel and Levi weren’t surprised, though.” His remark silenced you, your thoughts, and your horrifying claims about yourself. It was so apparent on your face that Erwin knew he won the argument yet again.

“I still wouldn’t remove the possibility that the conquest horseman lives inside me, but… yes, I understand.”

“Yup. Do as you please.”

That’s when you start getting embarrassed at the distance. Erwin is still pressing your shoulders against the door with a smile so sweet it makes you think how privileged you must’ve been to be one of his chosen people to receive a smile like that from him, knowing well not anyone could have it even if they hardly wished so.

“In the other world, what was my name? Is it Anna?”

“Strange enough, it’s not. Why do you ask?”

“Then, is my name in the other world the same as the one I go by right now?”

Erwin nodded, and so you beamed as it confirmed that your very being was not tied to poor child Anna's fate. “I like the name Carly had given me better. Glad to know I got that name in the other worlds.” You smiled at Carly’s memory. You regret not visiting her before this catastrophe happened.

“Indeed, the name you go by now fits you more, but Carly didn’t give it to you. You were the one who came up with it when she asked.”

That reminder plucked a thorn out of your heart. It made you smile wide and sweet, the very smile Erwin likes to see. “So, you told me you saw what that tree could offer. Tell me about it.”

Erwin smiled ruefully, “I told you. It’s how beautiful you look in worlds even beyond this one.”

“Seriously, I’m not kidding around.”

“Do I look like I’m kidding around?”

You rolled your eyes, hoping it could conceal the fluster instead, “Then, who am I aside from my beauty that goes beyond different worlds?” Hell, saying it out loud sounds so embarrassing.

However, Erwin’s smile faltered, “After you used the power granted by the tree to save the Eldian race, your existence was subjected to death and despair. In every other world, you always end up dying miserably. Even now I see that you’re still being chased by it.”

“I’m the one who—” you covered your mouth in surprise, “I’m the exact person who did all that?”

“Yes, perhaps the royal family knows by now that you’re the person they’ve been finding for so long; that’s why their search for you got even more unrelenting.”

“God, how cruel. Why am I dying repeatedly after doing that much, then?!”

“Breaking divine laws, I suppose?”

“If that isn’t a beauty that goes beyond worlds, huh!” you huffed. Erwin, however, is still smiling as if he meant praise literally. It flustered you further. Is this due to your stress? Are you perhaps seeking comfort?

“Who were you in those worlds?”

“I’m not sure. The worlds I’ve seen are just glimpses. The only thing clear is that you were the only one in your bloodline who used the power granted to your lineage and willingly carried the consequences tied to it.”

That’s sad to know, yet deep inside you, you’d still choose that path if that meant Erwin and all of your loved ones would not cease to exist.

“What are we in those worlds, then? Did we also know each other in childhood?"

“Uh… It's a bit more complicated than that.”

“Okay, what are we to each other based on the glimpses you’ve seen?”

He seemed to hesitate at one point, but perhaps saying it out loud made his smile return, “My lovely wife, that’s who you are back there.”

🔖@cadenza-damour @xiaotopia (hi u two it's been a YEAR [god i cant stress this ENOUGH] since ive updated this fic and i would totally understand if you'd want to get excluded from the tag list from hereon!! please gimme a heads up if this is the case, :) ty!!)

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nelliesnellie · 24 days

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Hit by a Tegan And Sara Shaped Brick

Have you ever heard a song for the first time in over a decade, completely forgotten about? It hits you like a fucking brick. Or that's how it works for me anyway.

This is basically a journal-y musing about Tegan And Sara, growing up kinda repressed, and mowing lawns while listening to college radio.

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I'm having a pretty angsty day as it is — something that listening to Tegan And Sara was never bound to help. But I have a 12ish-year-old mental note rattling around my brain that says "listen to Tegan and Sara" and I needed to clear some clutter. Besides, apparently I'm a dyke in Canada. To not give them a go would be simply irresponsible.

So picking an album somewhat at random, I put on The Con. Immediately good shit. I can get pretty nostalgic about 2000s indie music, even though I only got into it in like 2010. Maybe missing out on the heyday is part of that nostalgia — after all, nostalgia is based missing an experience more than it is living one. I got through two-thirds of the album. It's a great experience. This is no surprise. I am, in fact, the demographic. Every time one of their songs has come up in the past its made me want to do this dive and it was not disappointing.

And then the song "Nineteen" starts playing. I'm hit by a peculiar wave of emotion and I stop playing Tetris mid-game. THIS WAS IT. I had heard it once before, about 12 years ago, and was immediately smacked upside the head with a clear memory.

youtube

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In my mid-teens I had a summer job mowing lawns. Yeah that's right. I'm intimately familiar with the blended smell of fresh cut grass, gasoline, and occasionally hot dog shit. The sound of the mower engine masking a chorus of bugs. This was in Northern New York — a largely rural place which comes with most of the expectations one might have of the American countryside.

It was an awkward place to grow up as a queer indie kid. Hell, I didn't have the resources to even begin to understand that I was a transfeminine lesbian. I just knew I was different, that something was off.

I did not take for granted any accessible source of "cool music." This included the local college radio station. It went to shit by the time I attended that school, but in my mid-teens it was exactly what one wants of a college radio station, playing its delightful indie nonsense. And when I mowed lawns, I would often tune in on the radio built into my chunky, noise-protective headset I wore to protect me from the wretched sound of the combustion engine.

And that's how I heard "Nineteen" by Tegan And Sara for the first time. And the song HIT. It's full of this longing passion. To me it evoked a deep yearning for something I couldn't even articulate. "I felt you in my legs before I even met you." It was aesthetically and thematically evocative of something I was missing without being able to articulate. Something so deep I don't think I could've spoken about it, to quote an entirely separate artist. And their sound has this undeniable "cool girl" energy that was deeply aspirational to me in a way I didn't even understand at the time (classic trans girl egg situation).

In spite of all that, I never followed up on looking them up though. Probably because this was the iTunes days when I only got music from sharing mp3s with friends, the weekly free iTunes downloads, and the occasional iTunes giftcards. But it was one of those memorable first-listen experiences, like the time I first heard Regina Spektor laying in my bed one night listening to the same station on a shitty handmedown mp3 player that had a built in radio. Ugh. Why does Spektor have to be a Zionist?

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I think this aesthetic of cool-girl longing is why it hit me so hard back then, and hearing it for the second time at nearly 30. By this point I've found myself, I've found my people, I've found my life. I've made it across that enigmatic chasm I felt the first time I heard it. It's not really a journey I think about that often, it just is what it is. But this time it just swept me down like an undertow.

I don't even know that its an amazing song. Like its a GOOD song. But I feel like my subjective experience is what makes it really hit.

Time travel is a heavy drug. Maybe next time I'll talk about hearing Tubthumping for the first time as an adult lmao.

#nellie's journal #Tegan and Sara

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sebbarchie · 26 days

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𝐀𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝐂𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 . . . “It was a bit warmer than usual, but nothing to concern oneself about as motorcars went about honking and bustling down the streets of Le Havre. The news was of course the same as it had been for the entire week - the new liner, the grandest and largest ship in the world - the Titanic had sunk after colliding with an iceberg on its maiden voyage. The pangs of sorrow of such a great loss of life was felt through-out the World and naturally the press covered all available angles. It was all the World talked about for a week on end - so much so that it overshadowed anything else. But what can one say? Disasters sell. It was the 20th of April now, and the passenger queue was growing. The C.G.T. Bureau was packed with well-wishers and would-be passengers who were waiting to board. Motorcars letting off people, a general rush and buzz of activity - maiden crossings were in general a chore. As last-minute luggage was accounted for, a family with their two trusted servants waited for the crush to end. William Willamette, the incumbent Governor of Oregon waited impatiently as the queue lessened and lessened. His wife, Laura - vivacious society hostess and First Lady of Oregon fussed over their two boys whilst handing them both a chocolate bar. The Governor’s typist and secretary and Mrs. Willamette’s lady’s maid both stood in animated conservation. As their mother approached the two men stopped their bickering. William stood haughtily over his brother, as he always did, acting as if he was superior. Archibald tried to act “normal” especially with what his mother was so very concerned over - his escapades. “Come along boys! We’ll be late, and I don’t want us to miss the trip back home!” William chided both of his sons for their arguing - of course William didn’t make it a secret that “Chay” was his favourite child, “Archie” always came second. Laura huffed, her heels clacking as she strolled along, Anna and Audrey in tow. “Jacy, don’t rush! We’ll be fine, there’s no need to worry…” Laura tittered as she then joined by his side, linking arms with her husband. Meanwhile, behind were the boys - talking about the most trivial of things - or more so bickering. Of course, this was nothing new. As the family and their two servants passed along through to the gangplank, there was an air of uncertainty. Somehow they had rather luckily missed the much-advertised maiden crossing of the Titanic, but now they were boarding a ship just as large, grand - and what if it too struck an iceberg and made the morning papers? Not far behind the family, an exceedingly tall man, 7 foot 3 and with an unmistakable charm sauntered forth - Sebastian Blanchard of New Orleans - a man of means - nouveau riche as Society was wont to say - made his way to the gangplank. He was excited to be getting back home, to tend to the farm and the animals. Paris and the French countryside had treated him well. Suddenly, a loud blast sounded as the SS France’s whistle blew a throaty scream - she was nearing her time for departure!

“Aint’ gonna be late this time. Hey! What’re ya doin’? No, that doesn't go there! Ya serious? Give me it!” The Louisianian glowered as porters grabbed for his luggage to take it on-board. The giant after the fuss continued forward as the queue thinned - the C.G.T. gangplank coming into view.”

~ 𝒜𝓇𝓉𝓈𝓎

#sebbarchie #one shot #fiction #edwardian #1910s #gay romance #ss france #rms titanic #sebastian ray blanchard #archibald cheveyo willamette

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ruby-serpentis · 2 years

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horror au! kylar - head canons

pairing: male! kylar x gender neutral! reader

warning(s): death, blood, violence, vampires, yandere behavior (kylar is based on the yandere trope), manipulation, kidnapping, drugging, knives, stockholm syndrome, nonconsensual cuddling, stalking, fertility references, mentions of pregnancy

forgive me father for i have sinned!

i know kylar in particular would easily fit into the slasher subgenre of horror. but i saw the trailer for the invitation (haven’t seen it, yet) and it gave me an idea for certain characters (kylar, eden, briar, avery). eventually i went with kylar because of his in game behavior, some lines he said, and most definitely his parents. might make a slasher au! set of head canons for kylar since i already featured him in my robin set.

the trailer for the invitation uses the term bride and i thought about using bride as well (and as a gender neutral term). but instead, we’re going with celebrant for reader (it sounds better than marrier imo).

your cousin is whoever you want them to be, honestly.

the fertility references are here regardless of gender. i’m following a similar logic to the game where pc can get pregnant regardless of reproductive organs. i guess i imagine the vampires to be like plantpeople.

i also gave kylar a more definitive appearance in these head canons. a lot of artistic renderings give kylar dark hair. green eyes is also a common fan interpretation which is something i use here.

please note that i do not condone any of this behavior in real life. this is merely a work on fiction based on another work of fiction.

INTRODUCING...THE GROOM OF THE SEASON!

you were an orphan. that was no surprise. you didn’t know your parents, didn’t know if you had grandparents or any sort of family. why would you when bailey kept your birth records locked up tightly?

it wasn’t until you took a dna test did you realize you had family. some sort of second cousin. you weren’t too bothered by the specifics. all that mattered to you was that you had family.

you weren’t alone!

you had the courage to message said cousin over social media after finding them and they responded back! very quickly actually. so you of course asked to meet them in person to which they reciprocated, saying they would fly out to you. how wonderful was that?

your cousin was a delight to interact with and have. you were utterly charmed by this side of your family that you never knew. apparently it was your mother’s side?

“mmm, there’s a wedding happening this winter. i was wondering if you wanted to come? out to the countryside and all. the celebrants are quite charming.” your cousin spoke with such a distinguished voice and accent. definitely old money vibes.

“oh well, i would have to see if i’m available-”

“oh please dear cousin! everyone in the family is dying to meet you. we hadn’t seen your mother for years and didn’t even know she had a child. it would mean a lot for us.” they had such a charming smile.

you smile. “okay sure.” you pulled out your planner from your bag. “tell me all the details and information.”

“great!”

your cousin offered to come get you when the time rolled around so all you had to do was pack up and get in the car.

you should’ve packed more stuff honestly.

everyone at the estate was nice. you were right. your family was old money rich. antiques of all kinds, clothes of an absurdly wealthy price that not even the richest celebrities had. it was all so new and you felt slightly out of place with your clothes. even your formal clothes seemed cheap in comparison to everyone else.

“oh cousin (y/n). there’s someone i would like to introduce you to.” your cousin smiles and brings you over.

the person is around your age. his formal attire looks a little...messy with some creases on his sleeves and pants. his hair is also a little messy and beneath the veneer of his dark hair were striking green eyes. he was also kind of small. but maybe it was because he was slouching a lot.

“this is a good family friend of ours: kylar.”

“hi kylar.” you smile.

“h-hi.” his voice is low and you’re still able to hear it. but he seems awkward. it definitely stands out in the midst of all these people. poised, elegant with neutral voices that don’t stumble when pronouncing words. it unnerved you a little bit. there was something a little unnerving about the party.

“kylar is actually the groom for the wedding!” your cousin said.

“oh wow. congratulations on getting married!” you don’t realize that he’s blushing.

“th-thank you. it’s a very special occasion.”

“well if you’re the groom then where is the celebrant?” you ask.

“oh they haven’t arrived yet.” your cousin says. but their voice sounds...strained. as if what they were saying wasn’t true.

you brushed it off as your cousin probably being tired from the drive. it was a long drive after all.

“well i greatly look forward to the wedding festivities!” you were someone who enjoyed weddings. you found them quite special.

after the last few days, you regret saying that.

getting settled in was easy. however, soon after you noticed that some of your stuff had gone missing. some clothes (particularly your underwear), some of your makeup, and even your journal.

your cousin was kind enough to provide anything you needed that went missing. but you didn’t know why. it was just...gone.

and all of these people were too rich to steal from you. was there a ghost? a demon? maybe they were obsessed with you? you could only laugh at the thought. it was absurd! “monsters aren’t real.”

some of the nights in the countryside were cold. it was winter after all and you’d curl up under the blanket, trying to maintain your warmth. but you would feel a sudden warmth embrace you and you relaxed into it, sleeping peacefully.

you didn’t hear the heavy breathing or even feel the way the arms held you close, cuddling you and providing you with some much needed warmth.

then the grand rehearsal dinner came about.

you were provided an outfit by your cousin, who insisted on you wearing it. you would like to not be stared at like before so you wore it without any protest. it was odd how it fit you perfectly but you didn’t pay much mind.

finding your spot at the table was...hard. because it just seemed like they forgot to put you down. except... “you’re right here dear cousin.” your cousin gestured to the seat. and there it was, your name.

but you were sitting next to kylar. who was the groom. wouldn’t this be the seat of the celebrant?

“worry not. the celebrant will be here soon.”

you take your seat just as kylar comes in. his suit looks a lot more neat than when you first met him and his hair is less messy and rough. he sits next to you, looking slightly nervous and fiddling with his fingers.

“excited about getting married?” you ask.

his eyes light up as he looks at you. “very.” he smiles. it’s a cute smile actually. he’s kind of cute now that you can see him more and that he looks more put together.

“let the festivities begin!” your cousin exclaims.

the doors open and people walk in. you notice that they’re not wearing anything besides their underwear. they seem content with the exhibition. what a strange way to celebrate-

you almost screamed watching a guest pull out a dagger and slit one of the person’s throat. something inside your gut told you not to scream, not to let it out. you would get in a lot of trouble if you did. +++ Trauma

the blood flowed and gushed so...so...bloodily? your mind couldn’t process it. the way the people collected blood into the bowl, scooping it in their chalices. some of the guests even went for biting a few people directly. and they were content.

kylar takes a glass that your cousin offers him and inhales the scent of the blood. his mouth waters and his lips part slightly. you noticed fangs, white as pearls. ++ Stress

oh god! oh fuck! is this a wedding for VAMPIRES!

your cousin turns to look at you and raises their glass. “to the groom and his future spouse!”

“to the groom and his future spouse!” everyone repeats.

kylar smiles, raising his glass and taking a long, long sip.

you felt sick to your stomach and your heart was about to burst out of your chest. you swore you were going to collapse in your seat, right then and there.

“my beloved.” kylar speaks, taking your hand. his grip is strong, almost like iron. and he wasn’t putting any pressure on it either. “we’ll finally be able to get married.”

“what? no!” you exclaim. it came out before you could stop it. “i...i’m just a guest. i’m not-”

“but you are!” your cousin chimes. “the celebrant for the marriage, a union between our two families! i mean, auntie’s child was promised to kylar!” they laugh and everyone laughs with them.

“th-this was a mistake-” you wince feeling kylar’s grip tighten on you.

“my beloved loves to joke! don’t they?” he laughs, pulling you close. he buries his nose into the crook of your neck and takes a deep breath. “they smell divine~”

“to be expected. i mean, (y/n)’s father was quite the human!” your cousin exclaimed. “alas, no fangs. no claws. it seems the vampire in dhampir just didn’t manifest.”

“ex-excuse me?” you ask, your voice shaking. “dhampir? as in...half human, half vampire?”

“why of course! we are a family of well respected vampires. auntie was supposed to marry kylar’s father. and yet, she ran away. with that human man no less.” your cousin scoffed. “he was literally a mere human servant. i mean, they got offered the gift of vampirism. at least he was offered said gift. and he could have lived forever if he didn’t run away with auntie.” your cousins shakes their head. “didn’t you ever wonder about your body? how you felt less pain? healed faster than most kids? could lift things a normal human wouldn’t be able to?”

now that your cousin pointed that out, there were plenty of times where that was the case. like when you broke your arm. healed within a week. or when you shielded robin from an incoming car. you both weren’t hurt and instead, your body had caused the car to bend into a c. you chalked it up to pure dumb luck.

your cousin continues. “and of course, then you were born. kept hidden, secret. given to an orphanage when you were a baby.”

“gi-given? what do you mean given!” your body begins to shake. everything you knew, your reality, was beginning to turn upside down.

“your mother knew we’d track you down, and her, and her manthing. and we’d have drag you back here. she didn’t agree with our lifestyle apparently. clearly didn’t want you raised here.” your cousin rolls their eyes. “i mean, it would have been so much better here than in that dusty orphanage that bailey runs. a menace to society, if you ask me.”

“and of course, they were killed. father in a car accident. auntie pushed onto a stake.” your cousin shrugs. “i mean, they did their job. kept you hidden very well. but just our luck when you reach out! and that dna test? what a coincidence! and you’re even the spitting image of your mother. same hair, eyes, skin. even the same nose and beauty marks! and it was an opportunity to make things right. kylar was promised a spouse as a way to make up for auntie’s mistakes. what better to offer than you, dear cousin?”

you wanted out of here. you didn’t want to be here! what the fuck was this even?!

“i have been waiting so long my beloved.” kylar’s voice is low and it almost sounds like a moan. his tongue glides across the skin of your neck. you shiver.

“i need to use the bathroom!” you exclaim. “like...really badly?”

“let me take you beloved.” kylar tugs on your arm as he stands. “we best spend quality time together-”

“i would prefer to...go alone? i...” you lower your voice. “i get shy.”

kylar nods. he snaps his fingers and a woman appears. she’s wearing a maid’s dress. “deidre, accompany my beloved to the restroom. make sure they don’t run away. we wouldn’t want a repeat from years ago.”

the journey was silent as you were guided to the nearest bathroom. you made sure to lock the door behind you before panic fully set in your body.

your mind was racing at a thousand kilometers per second, trying to wrap your head around all this new information. and the fact that you were the celebrant. you were supposed to be kylar’s spouse!

you weren’t supposed to be here! you just wanted to know if you had any relatives, if you weren’t the only one. if you weren’t alone.

but curiosity kills the cat, doesn’t it?

think, think, think!

you notice a vase out of the corner of your eye and get an idea.

“de-deidre?” you ask.

“yes, my liege?” she answers as you open the door.

“i...i think the toilet’s broken.”

“oh my.” she sighs. “we just fixed it too. but vampires!” you let her in and she walks over to the toilet. “sometimes they regurgitate if they eat too much. and of course, the blood ends up congealing or freezing and then then the toilets have to be fixed-”

you were quick to grab the vase and smash it over her head, causing her to scream. with deidre distracted, you took the chance to run (making sure to close the door behind you. it would do nothing but it did give you some time to spare).

all you heard was the pounding of your heart against your chest and the sound of your shoes hitting the floor. you wouldn’t stop. you couldn’t stop!

“my liege, are you alright?” a man asks. you almost run into him.

“i-i’m fine. really. i just need some rest.” you smile.

“after all that running? i’m most certain.” he smiles back but it doesn’t reach his cheeks and his eyes are dark. “come now. let’s go back.”

“i’m fine. really i am.”

“i insist.”

“fuck this!” you shoved him into a table, watching him crash and break it. sometimes, your strength surprised you.

you grabbed a piece of the table and ripped off the leg before hitting him in the head. a ridiculous weapon but you needed something, right?

you ran away from the scene as a woman emerged from the other side of the hallway. all you could hear in the background was screaming, most likely to alert the party and your darling cousins.

you didn’t want to think what could possibly happen to you if they caught you.

besides, marriage wasn’t for you. you were satisfied with not being married. fuck marriage.

somehow, you managed to find your way out. your clothes were all disheveled and there was tears from the few people you did run into. but your trusty table leg did the job on them quickly. thankfully, they were humans and not vampires. you’d probably be caught by now.

you swung hard at the valet, knocking them out and grabbed the first set of keys hanging off of a hook. pressing the unlock button, you located the car and got inside, making sure to lock the door right after you got in.

buckling yourself in was a not a priority, not when you saw kylar emerge from the doors of the mansion. he looked angry and you didn’t want to stay around and find out.

you floored it. you’ve seen one too many horror movies where the protagonists got caught because they didn’t floor the car and looked back. you didn’t care if you’d run anyone over. it didn’t matter, not when your life was on the line.

it was nighttime, dark. but as you reached for your phone, you realized that you had left your phone back in the room of the mansion. and your belongings. “fuck! fuck fuck fuck!” you screamed, hitting the wheel.

your only choice would be to keep driving.

but as the minutes went by, your body felt fatigued and you felt your eyes begin to close and your consciousness drift off. you had to shake it off. you needed to find somewhere to stay. or at least find someone with a phone so you can at least look up where the nearest motel was.

you came across a quaint little building by the side of the road. it looked like an inn and from the car, you could smell food. fresh food. your stomach growled immediately in response.

you parked the car and locked it, keeping the keys with you as you walked inside. a girl with red hair turned around when you walked in. “hi! how may i-”

“i need a room. one person.” you say.

she looks at you from head to toe. “all fancy. must’ve come from those posh people. you look hungry too. would you like something to eat?”

“oh no thanks i-” your stomach growled. very. loudly.

embarrassing.

“i can whip up something quick. you can go sit in the dining room.”

it’s empty, for the most part. and you sit down.

“tea or coffee?” she asks.

“um, tea please.”

“coming right up!” you glance at her name tag, which reads alex.

you don’t wait for that long since alex whipped up some roasted vegetables and some eggs and she sets down your tea.

you immediate scarf down the food and the tea. the piping hot water didn’t burn you as you chugged it down. your body was all warm by the time you were done.

“taste good?” alex asks.

“yes tasted...very...good...” you rubbed your eyes. your vision was blurry and your body felt heavy. you felt yourself lean out of your chair and hit the floor.

before your vision went black, you saw alex approach a landline and dial a number. what you heard made your heart sink.

“i got ‘em.”

it took a while for you to come to consciousness. and you tried to move your body only to realize you were tied up. you try to speak as well only to realize you are gagged.

“my beloved is awake! they have awoken!” a voice exclaims.

kylar suddenly hugs you, tightly, almost squeezing the air out of you. you can’t say anything, tell him to let you go.

your eyes flicker around, looking for a way to escape. except what you see is...mortifying.

drawings. tons and tons of drawings, complete with photo references, were littered across the walls. and all of you. you also noticed some clothing that was yours, your underwear (favorite pair no less), some of your makeup on his desk. it had been kylar stealing your stuff!

and some of the photos were taken at your apartment. you undressing. you sleeping in your bed. you cooking.

“oh, d-do you like them?” kylar pulls away. “the drawings. the pictures. i-i knew you were out there. so i went looking. and i f-found you. but i didn’t tell them. i-i wanted you all to myself for a little bit.”

your breathing is heavy and shaking, your body trembling with anger. and even a little bit of fear.

“i can hear your thoughts.” he smiles. “hear every single one.”

“i didn’t have to do anything.” he hums. “yo-you brought yourself here. right into my arms. you wanted to be with me!”

you say something incomprehensible, at least to him. it’s muffled. but it sounds angry.

“we-we’re going to be married! how exciting!” kylar puts the nail of his thumb between his teeth. he puts enough pressure to bite but not break the nail. “you’ll be my spouse. a-and afterwards, we can turn you. completely!”

your eyes widen.

“i-it’s possible.” he chuckles. “and easy! so easy. it’d just have to be done the old fashioned way, wh-where you become mine! my fledgling!”

“and after that, we-we’ll have children. tons of children!”

you shook your head frantically, your stomach dropping. you couldn’t get pregnant.

“don’t worry about the l-logistics. i’ll impregnate you. procreation for vampires is so easy.”

you said something again. muffled. but kylar’s face fell and you saw his eyes go dark.

“i-i wonder what robin tastes like.”

you freeze.

“i wonder what he looks like with the life drained from his eyes.” kylar giggles. “will he taste good? i think he’d make an excellent wedding cake! i can do it. don’t believe me?”

you shook your head.

“good, good.” he smiles. “y-you’ll be a good spouse, right? and if you do, then robin won’t die.”

you were utterly paralyzed.

all you did was dissociate from the whole thing. you didn’t want to be here. but here you were, dressed in white, in front of your cousin who was ordaining the wedding.

“you look so stunning in white.” kylar had whispered in your ear earlier.

you were mistaken to look for family, blood family. robin was your family. he had been all these years. and look at where trying to find your blood family had gotten you.

you snapped back into reality as your cousin read the words from the book in their hand.

kylar had already said “i do.”

and now it was your turn.

+++++ Trauma

+++++ Stress

----- Control

“do you, (y/n), take kylar to be your husband? and do you promise to love him for the rest of your immortal lives? in sickness and in health? for rich or for poor?”

you swallow the ball in your throat and muster up the courage to speak.

“i do.”

#degrees of lewdity #dol #dol kylar #kylar the loner #ruby's horror au #horror au #kylar x reader #x reader #female reader #male reader #gender neutral reader

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mandsleanan · 4 months

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Article text under cut.

Elizabeth Johnson and her husband hit the vacation circuit hard over the past couple of years.

They went boating in Florida, hiking in the Swiss Alps, snorkeling in Hawaii, waterfall exploring in Oregon, and leaf peeping in Canada. They saw moose and orcas in Alaska, manatees in the Dominican Republic, and sheep in the Irish countryside.

"We also volunteer at a local food bank each month, go to comedy shows at Mall of America, routinely go to concerts," she said.

Neither Johnson nor her husband grew up wealthy, and the couple never expected to have such an indulgent lifestyle. Johnson's husband, in particular, faced "a very bleak outlook" for his career when he graduated from college in 2008 at the height of the Great Recession.

But now, 16 years later, the 30-something couple make a generous joint income of just under $300,000. That income, their hard work, and a dash of savvy investing are largely responsible for the lifestyle they lead — but there's another big factor. The Johnsons are DINKS, a dual-income couple with no kids.

The costs of rearing a child have skyrocketed in recent years, especially as parents get less help from their families and communities. Raising a kid could cost parents upward of $26,000 this year. Being a DINK has always been a way to save money, but as the stigma around the choice to be child-free has faded, more and more Americans see being a DINK as the key to a new American dream of financial stability, freedom of choice, and a comfortable retirement. DINKs are proudly emerging as an aspirational class for young people — and they're ready to live it up.

Lifestyles of the DINKs and the child-free

Johnson's Tinder profile set her on her path to DINKhood. In early adulthood, she never felt the desire to have children but wanted to keep an open mind. As the years went on, even as she saw her peers having kids, she said her "beliefs just never changed and completely solidified." So when she set up her dating profile, Johnson included in her bio that she didn't want to have kids of her own.

"I just wanted to weed out the ones I wouldn't be compatible with," she said. It worked. Johnson recalled that on their second or third date, she and her now-husband discussed the topic to make sure they were on the same page. The pair married in 2022, and Johnson said their decision to live as DINKs had been enriching.

"It makes my life more meaningful," the occupational therapist said of her choice to be child-free. "I feel like I can give more to my patients at work. I have more time to see my loved ones and family."

Beyond the emotional value Johnson ascribes to her DINK status, there are the dollars-and-cents benefits to the lifestyle. Her husband, who works in banking, is "a very big spreadsheet guy," Johnson said, and the couple track their finances "religiously." Part of that maniacal focus is tracking their net worth. The latest tally? About $1.1 million, a combination of the equity they've been able to accumulate in their new-build, suburban Minneapolis townhome and their retirement accounts.

It makes my life more meaningful. I feel like I can give more to my patients at work. I have more time to see my loved ones and family.

As an occupational therapist who works with older people, Johnson said, she sees "one of the biggest downsides to being a DINK is not having your children there to support you and help you age in place as you get older." So in addition to enjoying travel now, it's important for the couple to have "the financial resources in place to support safe living when we're old," she said.

For many adults, having children holds a massive amount of intrinsic value, but there's no denying that those who choose to forgo parenthood gain a serious financial edge. In fact, the net-worth data from the Federal Reserve's most recent Survey of Consumer Finances showed there's never been a better time to be a DINK. Child-free couples' median net worth of $399,000 in 2022 was the highest of all types of family structures studied by the survey and almost $150,000 more than couples with kids. The median net worth of DINKs was also more than $100,000 higher than it was in 2019, and the gap between child-free couples and couples with kids has only widened as prices on items and services parents need most, such as childcare and food, have spiked.

Amy Blackstone, the author of the 2019 book "Childfree by Choice," said that the financial gap between DINKs and couples with kids wasn't solely because of the choice about children. In many cases, it's also a bit of selection bias.

"It's the people who already have higher incomes, higher education, and are generally more privileged who opt out of parenthood," she said.

Still, DINKs like the Johnsons demonstrate that as the American dream of homeownership and putting kids through college gets further out of reach, forgoing children is one way to achieve the upward economic mobility that many parents find more difficult to reach. Child-free couples have more free cash flow that can be invested in real estate or stocks. And while the pandemic's fiscal stimulus left pretty much everyone with more cash, DINKs seemed to emerge victorious in the battle to grow wealth. After a few years of saving, the Johnsons are free of student debt and said they're in a financial position to start planning for an early retirement in their 50s.

"I am from a middle-class family, and my husband from a lower-class upbringing," Johnson said. "He experienced paycheck-to-paycheck living, started his first job at age 11 delivering newspapers. We feel very fortunate for our current economic stability."

Of course, not all DINKs are raking in six-figure incomes and investing in real estate. Alex Killingsworth is a 25-year-old entrepreneur building a content-writing business, and his wife is a full-time graduate student. She makes $14,000 a year as a teaching assistant, while his business earned them $84,000 in 2023. Not having kids has allowed them to invest in his startup and her higher education, both of which they believe will pay off.

"I'm 'investing' in the work I'm doing," Killingsworth said. "Likewise for my wife, almost all of her income is going into research, so our actual take-home pay is quite a bit lower."

If they had kids, paying the bills could be tougher for them. Instead, they're buying wine and whiskey, maxing out a retirement account, and taking advantage of the freedom to spend Thanksgiving in Alaska, visit family in Texas, or go to Broadway shows in New York.

"I don't know if we have any hacks or tricks here, but I have been told all of the extra income has a tendency to dry up when you have kids," Killingsworth said. "I don't know if that's true, but it's better to overprepare than under, right?"

Growing acceptance

The financial upsides of being a DINK used to come with a cost: In 1974, a substitute teacher named Marcia Drut-Davis was fired from her job and received death threats after discussing her choice to be child-free on"60 Minutes."When another school asked her to give a speech on her decision, angry parents carrying signs calling her "the devil's sister" crowded the entrance, and the teacher who provided closing remarks after the speech denounced her in front of the auditorium.

In her 2013 book, "Confessions of a Childfree Woman," Drut-Davis recalls the teacher saying: "How will you feel when you're old and alone with no one to take care of you?How will you feel without a grandchild to give you chocolate kisses? You're a sad excuse for a woman."

For decades, the social stigma around choosing not to have children has been substantial, but Blackstone said that she'd noticed a major shift in acceptance since she began research for her book in 2008.

"I would say that it's millennials and Gen Z who have really done the heavy lifting in terms of bringing this conversation out into the open," she said.

That's not to say Gen X didn't contribute to the conversation — Blackstone is a child-free Xer — but she said the younger generations' experiences with the 2008 financial crisis, accelerated climate crisis, and increasingly divisive politics made the choice to forgo kids more acceptable to a wider group.

One 2022 Nature paper from the researchers Zachary P. Neal and Jennifer Watling Neal found that nearly half the adults they studied were parents and 22% were child-free by choice. The rest were ambivalent, undecided, unable to have kids, or planning to have them. In the 2020 US census, 87 million Americans were between the ages of 20 and 46. If you apply the findings from the Neals' study, that means roughly 19 million millennial and Gen Z adults of childbearing age were child-free by choice. That same research, which polled 1,500 Michigan adults, found that while parents felt warmer toward fellow parents, "both parents and child-free people feel about the same toward child-free people." The report concluded: "Although parents really like other parents, they don't dislike child-free people."

Sentiment actually seems to be shifting in the opposite direction: In a summer 2022 Harris Poll of 1,054 American adults, 20% of all adults — and 27% of millennials — agreed "that people should stop having children because of the harm it causes," specifically the harm to the environment, animals, and even other people. Similarly, about one-third of all adults — and over 40% of millennials — said that they agreed "people should stop having children because their children's quality of life will be poor."

And then there's social media and our identity-obsessed culture. Child-free people now have more and more platforms to connect with each other and flaunt their no-kids lifestyles of extensive travel, impeccable homes, and spoiled pets. The communities devoted to a child-free lifestyle are booming: The subreddit r/childfree, focused on "topics and links of interest to childfree individuals," boasts 1.5 million members. TikTok videos about DINKs rack up millions of views and hundreds of thousands of likes. DINKs, GINKs, "rich aunties," and DINKWADs — DINKs with a dog — have become aspirational identities for younger generations.

We hang out with other people's kids every once in a while, but then we happily just give them back to their parents.

Stigma against DINKS certainly remains — just look at the comments of "selfish" and "missing out" on child-free TikTok videos. But they're overshadowed by comments of support. As Blackstone, who wrote the 2021 book on the topic, said, what happened to Drut-Davis wouldn't happen today.

"I've gotten the random email telling me that I'm miserable and going to die alone or that I'm right, I shouldn't have kids anyway," she said. "But nothing like what Marcia got in the 1970s."

With the rise in childcare costs, education, and other parenting expenses that have outpaced inflation, it's hard to deny that a two-track economy has emerged. There are the DINKs who can seize the American dream and the parents who are struggling to stay afloat in a country without guaranteed paid leave or affordable childcare. It's no wonder that so many people are suddenly interested in becoming a DINK.

Johnson said that her DINK lifestyle kept her plenty busy. She invests time in her hobby of landscape photography, and though she's questioned whether it's a selfish choice, she overall feels more "well rounded and healthier" than she would if she had kids, she said.

"We hang out with other people's kids every once in a while," she said, "but then we happily just give them back to their parents."

#Childfree #Live Deliciously #Happy Hedonism #Dink Life #No kids

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joshleyson · 2 years

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Bohol In My Mind // film dump

07/29 - 08/02 :: Panglao, Bohol

I’ve always been fascinated by Bohol since I was a kid as I always see the iconic Chocolate Hills in my favorite history textbooks and wonder what they look like in real life but I just never got the chance and the timing to visit there. I committed last year that I would visit this beautiful island this year and I'm so happy that I did after my Boracay trip last month. I stayed in a very peaceful villa near Panglao with my friends for almost a week and it was one of the most beautiful trips I've been on this year mainly because it's not just pure beach trips and booze, those kinds of stuff, but also countryside trip tours where I get to explore the other side of the island. I brought my Kodak film cam with me to take some snapshots and here are some of the shots that were developed by a wonderful photo lab called Sunny16 somewhere in QC.

Baclayon Church, the oldest Christian church in Bohol built in 1556. I’m so amazed how structures from the past can withstand the test of time and natural disasters considering they were built without the current modern technology. I'm also amazed how recent restoration efforts did not diminish the original, classic aesthetic of the church.

The countryside trip itinerary that you can book in Bohol also includes stops in parks like the Xzootic Animal Park in Loay where you can see exotic animals. I have mixed feelings about this one. I'm not gonna lie. I was fascinated by how BIG and calm the snakes were lying in the park in a crowd of people and I was extremely bewildered how giant snakes were just lying there unbothered AF lol. Though I trust that the people in Bohol take good care of these animals, I still cannot help and think about the kind of stress these animals have to endure knowing they're animals that necessarily don't like human interaction and prefers to be on their natural habitat but they're being carried around like stuffed toys for people wanting to take selfies with them. I specifically saw one yellow snake (the one on the pic) where it seems to walk away wanting to go back to its cage and not feeling the people around him but was carried back again by the zookeepers for people who wants to take a pic with it including us! I felt a sense of worry and a sense of guilt about that but again, I know these parks operate within the bounds of laws and regulations so I'm just gonna put all my worries into that and praying they're really taking good care of these animals and hopefully touching them is no longer a practice in the future.

One of the highlights of the countryside tour was the buffet lunch on Loboc river. I wish the trip was a bit longer though but I have to say the food was great! Before we went to Chocolate Hills, we passed by a tarsier sanctuary and their man-made forest which I thought was a park but a highway with busses and vans passing through. So it's a photo-op moment at your own risk.

If there's one thing that I liked most about the countryside tour, it was the ATV around Chocolate Hills. It was fun and muddy, and I'm screaming and panicking but in a good way. It was my first time. It's like biking, but with an ATV and THEE Chocolate Hills around you. What a playground! I don't mind having my white Stan Smith sneakers covered in mud after that because it was hella fun.

The remainder of our tour was spent on island hopping and beach bumming, the latter of which is my all-time fave travel activity. But please never ever forget your SPF 30+ if you're just like me who loves to beachbum all afternoon! Panglao Bohol also has a "Boracay-like" stretch of white sand and one of them is the famous Alona Beach. Though smaller, it has finer white sands too with crystal clear open-to-all beach with restos and establishments on the beachfront for food trips that offer a variety of cuisines to try.

We also visited the infamous Virgin island the same day where some tourists were charged 26k worth of food. Honestly, I can say that their food was indeed kinda expensive for me too, and good thing we had already eaten on a nearby island after snorkeling because we knew for a fact that their food prices will be very high. It was a right choice.

The villa that we stayed in was just right. It was quiet, gave us a lot of privacy, and was just in the right proximity to Alona beach and surprisingly the food that they cooked for their guests was kinda cheap but very delicious as well. We lounged, ate, and drank in their pool once we get back from touring the island and it was a great way to cap the day.

Our stay in Bohol was kinda memorable for me as it was a combination of long roadtrips and also being able to relax on the beach and just enjoy the sun and the fresh air and it recharged me in a lot of ways. Bohol was my last stop after flying to Zamboanga and Boracay and by that time, for some reason, I kinda missed going back to work when I was in the airport flying back to Manila and I think it's a great indication that disconnecting for a bit is indeed a good motivator for our capitalist-enslaved spirits and how it breaks the tedium of "quiet-quitting" or moments when everything is just too much of a thing to get into. I’d definitely go back! : )

Balik balik sa Bohol,

vimeo

Connect with me IG & Twitter @joshleyson

📸: Kodak 35mm Funsaver 🎞: Sunny16 Lab 📱 Additional Photos: iPhone 13 Pro Max 🏡: Pineale Resort and Spa Villas 🚙: Bohol Travel and Tours

#Travel #Life Update #Film #Analog #Kodak #Bohol #Philippines #itsmorefuninthephilippines #Vimeo

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lycanlovingvampyre · 1 year

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MAG 103 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: putting up a new fence

I heard some people were surprised by the pig facts? I guess I'm being a redneck again? XD That's just stuff you learn when you grow up in the countryside.

"and their manure is great for composting." And omg, the smell of pigs is really quite something... I generally avoid going into the pig's barn at my grandparents in law's farm. Can't get that smell out of your clothes, your hair... A few years back someone in the area where I live fertilized their field with pig manure and it was dreadful... Luckily only happened once. Even the farmers around here were complaining.

"at around three or four hundred kilos" My fucking horse weighs 450 kilos. So that really, reaaaally big for a pig.

"Part of me did consider immediately trying to send it for slaughter" I wonder what would happen, if people were to eat meat from Monster Pig...?

"But as I got closer, I saw that they were scars. Shot scars, most of them, with some that looked like they might have been from spikes or axes." Nago/Okkoto?

"The first year they did it there was a lot of trash left behind we had had to clean up, but apparently someone bashed the right heads about it, since last year there was barely a cigarette stub left." Shit like this is actually a problem, there doesn't even have to be an event. Some people will just litter their trash, other people are just careless. And that trash then lands in the food for our animals.

"But instead, I felt it settle next to me, the meat of it sinking into the spaces left by my position. It was pressing up against me, and let out the most contented sound I have ever heard from a pig. The message could not have been clearer: ‘Friend’." Awww! But yeah, that farmer always fed Monster Pig. He never treated it badly. Of course Monster Pig thinks he's a friend. Until now he didn’t even do anything against it, so one could argue he’s complicit with the Fear?

"When you explained the situation, I hoped you’d have some special trick for dealing with it, but I suppose welding scrap metal around the pen and filling it with cement just about works" Our first problem being solved with concrete!

"Those pigs didn’t deserve what that thing did to them. Tearing them apart and eating them." Go vegan? Or, vegetarian would actually be enough for that. It’s something you should always be aware of when you eat meat. (Disclaimer: I'm a flexitarian. So I do still eat meat. Hell, my grandpa in law turned his pigs into delicious smoked meat...)

"Oh, and if you’re hungry, I’ve got some bacon in the freezer I’m going to cook up. ... What?" Lol. It sounded earlier like this was a transcribed statement. So Dylan Anderson did not write it down himself (because of that bit about "Oh, uh, when you’re writing this up, make it’s clear that we’re near the Marlborough Forest"). Still funny, that the transcriber would include the “What?”.

JON: "I currently have nothing to indicate where Gertrude might have travelled next, but I… I have a hunch Kurt Anderson might be able to help." He stops himself there. Was he going to say "I Know"? Still in denial about that?

KURT: “Yeah, but he didn’t say how. Told me some weird guy turned up afterwards, and she went off with him in a real hurry. So Gerry suddenly turned up with some horrible news. Can’t remember if we hear what it was exactly?

Interesting how Kurt Anderson doesn't notice he's been compelled until he gets the juicy stuff pulled out of him...

KURT: [Afraid] "What are you?!" I'm sure this hurt Jon. Now even others refer to him as... not human. He did absolutely chose to use compulsion here though. Why play investigations on hard mode if you can just cheat your way through it? And Jon later says he likes it. To be completely honest, I would use the hell out of that myself. Would probably save me a lot of nerves and time.

Jon finally puzzled together that the tunnels are a blind spot!

DAISY: "Right. So, if he’s not paying attention, and I kill you down here…" Oh man, I HATED Daisy back then.

Jon meeting up with murder cop, upon his wish alone and not because Elias told Daisy to escort Jon, heavily suspecting Elias can't watch (and therefore protect) him just so he can organize a bit of safety for the others <3

JON: "No. No. I was, I was… I was thinking. This… Section 31 unit that, that you’re a part of –" DAISY: [Insistent] "Not a unit! Just paperwork." JON: "Right but, but… what do they think about Elias?" DAISY: "Best avoided. Pretty harmless. Um, crimes involving the Institute get people sectioned, but he’s not an active threat." JON: "If we had evidence that he was an active threat, that he was killing people, he, he was the one threatening to make all of your stuff public, do you think they’d move against him?" DAISY: "… Maybe." Martin's stunt in MAG 118 is a JonMartin collaboration!

DAISY: "You sure you want to talk with that thing running?" JON: "Oh. Um, I-I… I didn’t … didn’t realise I’d turned it on." Was there ever an instance, where Jon unknowingly turned on the tape recorder himself? I think it was always the tape recorders acting on their own. Maybe Jon doubts his own mind, questioning himself if he's the one doing this? (I mean, we know that as least most of the time it's not him, it has happened plenty of time where the recorder was out of reach or Jon wasn't even there at all.) Also, since the tape recorders do work in the tunnels, it is kind of implied that the tapes are not the Eye.

@a-mag-a-day

#a-mag-a-day #tma #mag 103 #tma spoilers

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covenofthearticulate · 2 years

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can you just give us some louis headcanons in general? maybe some modern day ones?

always!!! please always and forever ask me about louis lmfao

he loves loves LOOOOVES trivia games and trivia night and anything having to do with trivia!! he and lestat often attend trivia nights at local bars. lestat takes it upon himself to come up with the stupidest team name but honestly sometimes it's just a nightmare because louis is insanely competitive so it's less "date night" vibes and more "lestat if you fuck this up for us you are sleeping in the guest room" kinda vibes LOL

on a similar note: he has never missed a single episode of jeopardy. it's the reason he learned how to use dvr lmfao he tapes every single episode in case he's away or can't watch but he always finds time to catch up. he takes great pride in shouting the answers out loud before the contestants and acting like the answer was obvious :)

it's honestly a miracle he gets out of bed at all most days. lestat bought him a weighted blanket and it was just game OVER. louis loves that weighted blanket more than he loves himself

scrunchies never went out of style for louis LOL he always has a scrunchie or some type of hair band on his wrist (he doesn't actually care enough about his hair to use the bands for their intended purpose, but he likes to fiddle with them and also there is something weirdly intimate in always having them available to lend to lestat)

as much as he complains about the "rank materialism" of the modern age, he's become semi-dependent on his noise-cancelling headphones. especially post-merrick when he gets a Revamp (pun intended) the world is often too loud for him and he gets overwhelmed very easily. the headphones still don't block everything out like they would for mortal ears, but it helps a lot. lestat can always tell when louis is having a Bad Day when the headphones go on :(

okay last one bc i wanted to end on a softer note: he is still such a goddamn romantic. he has a collection of pressed flowers dating back to the 19th century. if y'all thought lestat was a sap with mojo: louis is no longer allowed to enter the pet store bc one time he bought a dozen beta fish because he felt so SAD seeing them all wilted in their cups on the shelf. he'll drive hours out to the countryside just to be able to gaze at the stars without city light pollution. sometimes he whispers little words of encouragement to the houseplants when he waters them. he is BABY!!!!!!!!

#in conclusion: i care him <3 #me staring at one of the most dangerous killers amongst all the vampires: he's just a little guy :)#louis de pointe du lac #headcanons

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harrison-abbott · 3 months

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I used to visit Poland a lot when I was younger. It’s the country that I’ve spent the most time in in terms of foreign land (as somebody from Scotland), and I would go around the big cities. But I also visited the countryside a lot, too.

And what I felt about the Polish country especially was a sense of great beauty. Polska is a very beautiful land, with the fields and the forest. There is a dense, rich quality to this nation’s wilderness. And whilst I was watching Shoah (1985) I was reminded of all of that beauty – for a lot of it is shot in the same terrain that I mention.

This is what makes it a highly unusual documentary. Because there is no archival footage whatsoever used to portray the time period in question. What we see instead are scenes of 1980s, beautiful Poland.

Accompanying this visual array, are the interviews and words with real people who were involved with the events that happened forty years earlier. We witness a whole range of people speak about their experiences. And their stories clash and mix with the scenery.

I actually posted on this blog yesterday about H.G. Wells’ book, A Short History of the World. And I was struck by just how much violence was involved in the history between peoples, throughout the ages. It was as if violent behaviour was the key motivator behind what propelled most of the chapters. This group of people invaded another group of people in this other part of the continent, and won over this area of land, for x amount of time, until a new army invaded, and they ruled for y number of years.

And whilst I was reading this book, the violence was somehow diluted because it was so repetitive.

When I watched this documentary ^, the horrors involved were far more subjectively portrayed. Not that I’m saying that the horror in the Wells book was to be ignored. Only that, in this film, the accounts were actual people who were direct witnesses to what happened.

I’m sure we know lots of black comic jokes that are made about this particular topic. People make jokes about this genocide, in crass terms. Be it in cartoons, or in the playground, or just for a sick ‘sense of humour’. It is as if what happened during WWII has ended up as a soup of jargon, in a way, whereby words and phrases such as; holocaust, Auschwitz, concentration camp, gas chambers, Hitler, Nazi: all of these items seem to gloss over the sheer scale of the atrocity.

I remember being in college (FE college, not university) and overhearing a lad talking about his visit he made to Auschwitz with his friends. And he was telling them about “shower jokes” he had made whilst there. And the other folk who were listening were just laughing at them. And I remember reading a novel by a Hungarian writer who repeatedly made black digs about the Jews being sent off to be gassed.

What on earth is funny about what happened?

Often, I marvel at how short a time ago it was. It really wasn’t that long ago. Eighty years ago, as I write this on the 17th March 2024, it was still happening. My own grandfather was a British serviceman in the Royal Engineers, and he was rescued from Dunkirk. And then he went back to Europe and ended up in Berlin after the war ended, where he was a prison guard. Albert Speer was one of the detainees in the prison he guarded.

And I am 31 years old now, and my grandfather was only two generations above me. This is how recent World War Two is in historical terms.

As for a film, it is very good. It is nine and half hours long, so it takes a while. And many of the stories included are so grim that I had to pause for a while and do other things, just because the content got so oppressive. But in the way that is shot, and the manner in which the information is delivered, is somehow magnetic. Or, rather, you feel that you are watching something that is important to watch. Which, I believe, is what films are supposed to do.

Not everything was pretty, in a visual sense, throughout this film.

This was not the point I was trying to make earlier. What I meant was that, there are many areas of Poland where the old camps were demolished and now they are surrounded by green, fertile land. Particularly with Treblinka: it just seems like a lost place in the sticks, and you wouldn’t think anything awful had gone down there if it weren’t for the cemeteries.

But with Auschwitz, it has remained intact. That famous shot of the train track, with the entrance on the horizon. The ominous tower above the entrance … it just looks like something out of Hell.

I think it is profoundly important that they kept Auschwitz preserved. In the same way that it was essential for Claude Lanzmann to have made this epic film.

There are many scenes whereby he interviews, via his translator, the Polish people who remember the Jewish folks before they were taken off to the camps. And the lady translator speaks back to him in French what they said. Lanzmann also speaks in English and German to various other people who were involved. And there is Hebrew at points as well, and Greek. And with this collage of languages, one gets a sense of the magnitude of the whole ordeal. It makes you incredulous how mammoth this massacre was. And stuns you to think that it ever possibly happened.

I won’t go into details about a particular part in the doc: but there was a note of disbelief amongst the victims as well. Or, rather, disbelief before they became victims. They couldn’t believe that they would be murdered in such a way, on a mass scale. And it happened across a whole continent.

This is not an easy documentary to watch. But, it makes you think, and it’s worth experiencing. I certainly rate it highly amongst the many documentaries I’ve seen. And it is a huge achievement from Lanzmann and the rest of his team.

#shoah #important documentaries #important films #documentary #world war two

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heartsick-honeybee · 1 year

Text

a Jervis Tetch AU background story.

Oqueso beforehand: I am a RPer.. I am not a writer and I am not good at writing outside of RP, so I am sorry if this isn't great or seems rushed or rambly.

It's because it probably is.

I just had an idea for an AU Jervis background story and went and wrote it. SO yeah

Basically a really long Jervis Tetch background trauma dump. Sorry about that.

ANYWAY...

Story.

Their life had been nearly perfect.

Henry Tetch and Winifred Beauden were both from privileged families.

Both of their families had made a significant contribution to Allied victory in the Second World War.

The Tetch family was well known for their involvement in high-level military intelligence, while the Beauden's family was renowned for their groundbreaking work in medical science. Both said to have saved hundreds of thousands of lives.

As a result, both were very prominant families.

After the war, fate had it that the two families (who had never previously been acquainted.) had found their respective home of their dreams each in the same beautiful English countryside. They became neighbors.

The wives of each of the families, Victoria Tetch and MaryAnne Beauden became fast friends, and eventually even became pregnant with their first children same time.

Henry and Winifred had been close ever since they were born.

Now, it was important to know that these two women, despite being the closest of friends, were two very different women.

Victoria, of course, being the proud wife of such an important militant officer, was a very old fashioned sort of woman. She kept things clean and organized. She felt a woman's place was to manage the househome duties and to support her husband. She wore high collared modest clothing, and her hair always pulled up in a tight bun, which MaryAnne always told her made her prominant overbite stand out far more than was necessary.

She was a no-nonsense type of woman, though she had her weakness-- particularly for gossip.

MaryAnne on the other hand was the entirely opposite sort of woman.

While her husband was still the more prominant doctor, she herself was a nurse.

Victoria often reprimended her for this. "It is at least a woman's job, but now that you're having a child, don't you think you should stop this "working" thing and spend your time in the home?" she would often tell her.

She would only lightheartedly laugh this off.

MaryAnne was a modern sort of woman. Besides working, she loved to wear her hair down, long wavy gold locks abundant. She loved the modern types of clothes.. much loser dresses, shorter, more low cut collars, often bare foot, happy to lie on the grass under their big willow tree-- the type of woman who'd eventually have earned the name "Hippie."

In addition to this, she was very lax with her household. She cooked and cleaned.. but simply not in the traditional way.. not formally.. not even all of the time. Instead of keeping the house,

She prefered to focus on her own hobbies-- Painting and reading.

Victoria always called MaryAnne a Romantic.

Maryanne always called Victoria a Square.

They were the best of friends.

They were, however, as said before-- very different women

and very different women raise their kids very differently.

Now when they were babies, it wasnt so different. THe two women would get together daily for tea, and the children would play together. As they got older, however, is where things diverged.

They remained close, however…

Maryanne raised Winnie just the way youd expect… a free spirit. a wild child, strong and smart and romantic. When she was young she had the freedom to explore, to learn, and to grow. She had really very little structure-- family dinners, for example, were unlikely in lieu of eating whatever was there and fending for herself. She could explore and play as she pleased, and was not overly bothered with school, only made to go as it was necessary, and focussing only on what she'd liked most-- much like her mother, finding herself absolutely in love with reading.

Henry of course was raised as you'd expect in a old-fashioned type of military household.

They were strict with his studies… strict with his bedtime. Strict with his cleaning and his schedule.

His duties came before all else. He would be reprimended for the smallest of things… dirty nailbeds, his books being out of alphabetical order-- The normal sort of military mindset, normal of the time, but simply never meant for a child.

Now, Henry did have SOME freedoms.

As their families were both neighbors with large amounts of acreage, so long as his duties and responsibilities were completed, and especially when his father was home, he was often encouraged to spend time OUTSIDE, away from the house-- so not to be bothersome.

These were Henry's favorite times, as he'd happily escape into the green lands behind their home, and off to the nearby stream.

This stream was one of Winifred's favorite places. From a young age she was allowed to wander-- to explore and grow. She was always waiting for him there.

"Henry~!" She'd always greet with a warm smile.

As they'd grown, Winifred had grown beautiful, just like her mother.

She was incredibly petite and pale… but she had the brightest blue eyes, and wavy gold locks that fell a mess everywhere. She'd be laxed, her bare feet dangling in the water, a book in her hands.

Henry was incredibly enamored with her, and she with him-- though he didn't understand it.

Henry was an average height, but ever so slightly overweight, which he was self conscious of, though his mother insisted he was "Well fed."

He had dark hair, deeply tanned skin, and dark eyes… he wore glasses, and had prominant large bulbous nose and his mothers ridiculously buck teeth. He was precisely what you'd imagine the sterotypical nerd of the time to look like. Always "Properly" dressed, often in dress shirts, with a bow tie and a pocket protector with pens.

He hated it. He felt ridiculous, but Winifred always reassured him.

"Winnie." He'd greet nervously in return. "You brought a book-- will you read to me again?"

He'd ask every day, despite him knowing the answer.. to which she'd always smile.

"Always." She'd agree.

"Mother won't ever let me read those sort of books. She says theyre nonsensical and I should be spending my time studying.." He'd tell her quietly, and she'd smile and shake her head. "Your mother is a codfish." She'd quote peterpan playfully.. patting the ground beside her. "Come sit, I'll read." She'd say surely.

She'd lay down a blanket she'd bring just for him-- the poor boy so afraid of getting in trouble for being dirty he'd never once sit on the grass.. unable to even bring his own blanket to sit upon for fear his mother would find IT dirty and he'd be in trouble. He'd always check, and check, and double check three times to make sure it was clean enough before sitting, and settling in to listen to her stories--.

It was his favorite thing in the world.

She would read him all kinds of stories.. from the classics to romance and anything she could get her hands on… her favorite books, however, were those Old Westerns and anything about the Americal South. Her favorite book, in particular, being "Christy" by Catherine Mashall. a Book about a 19 year old woman from the city who'd come to the Appalachians to help educate the people there, only to learn their ways and appreciate the beauty of the mountain people.

Since it was her favorite book, she had read it many times to Henry.. and it had become his favorite as well.

Today was one of those days, she was just finishing the story for what must have been the fourt or fifth time. He smiled warmly as she finished.. covering his mouth as he did.

"What are you covering your mouth for?" Winifred asked curiously.

Henry frowned. "Mother says that smiling is nonsensical. Besides.. I look ridiculous anyway with these.. teeth." He hissed as though they were some sort of curse.

Winnie only smiled warmly, sliding up and kissing his cheek, making him blush all over.

"I like your teeth, Henry.

Your MOTHER is nonsensical!" She declared surely, leaning into him lightly.

"When we are grown, we should move far far away.. where your mother has no say so."

"To the appalachians?" Henry asked with a warm laugh.

"Why not?" She chimed brightly.

Of course… they were only childish fancies.. but then. What separates a childish fancy from reality spare for action?

The two as they grew only grew closer. They were very much in love, and as soon as they were old enough, they were wed.

Winifred Beuden had become Winifred Tetch

And Henry and Winifred Tetch set off the exact same day for Elizabethton, Tennessee.

It was perfect. Everything they had hoped for. It was a historical town, and it looked just how she had imagined. Beautiful and at the base of the appalachians--

And Winifred and Henry, with their comfortable financial status' of their families, quickly found the perfect home as well. An old, quite large, wooden-and-brick two-story turn-of-the-century home.

It was Everything They'd dreamed of.

Their lives were perfect.

And their perfect life soon only came with more wonderful news… as only a few months after, Winnie was pregnant with their first child.

The two were ecstatic… and nine months later they gave birth to a baby boy.

"He has my nose." Henry IMMEDIATELY sighed in defeat, only making Winnie laugh warmly."

And its just as adorable on him as it is on you. He's perfect."

"At least he has your hair." He mumbled in defeat, but smirked softly.

"What are we to name him?" He asked sweetly, and she smiled softly.

"I like the name Jervis…" Winifred answered gently.

"Jervis..?" He repeated lightly, raising a brow in surprise. "You mean Jarvis? Gervase?"

Winifred shook her head surely.

"Jervis is a version of those. Like Jervis Bay in Wales-- but it sounds more… American. Like… he belongs here." She said surely, if not a bit dreamily.

"JER-vis." He quoted in an American accent-- causing them both to laugh.

"Jervis Tetch. I like it." He said surely.

"Tetch is SO unamerican." SHe sighed and laughed too, Kissing him sweetly.

And so.. Jervis Tetch was born.

As Jervis grew.. he was an absolute Mama's boy if there ever was one.

Winifred ADORED her little son. He was sweet and shy.. attached to her at the hip at all times.

"Winnie~" Henry would greet as he came home from work, kissing her own the lips. Only to have the small blonde boy sulk and crawl onto his moms lap, clinging to her with a pout.

"Mummy~" Hed whine.. making his father sulk.. to which Winnie would answer sweetly and patiently.

"He's only a boy, My Henry. Don't you pout so." She'd comfort warmly.

Any new family with a new child will know this to be true: When a child is involved, you simply dont have the same amount of time together as you'd had before….

When the child is clingy, that is even more true.

Jervis was the most clingy of children. The most sweet and loving of children.

He loved his mother more than anything in the world, and nearly never let her go. At least… until just after the boy had turned four years old.

It had seemed Henry at SOME point had at least got SOME time with his beloved Winifred.. because at this time is when they found out that they were having their second child.

Winnie Tetch was pregnant, and again, they were ecstatic.

"Mummy has a baby in there?" Jervis asked, touching her tummy.

The boy had the most impossibly high pitched voice, and the biggest baby blue eyes that gazed up at his mother like a pup.

"SHe does. Your little sister." She said surely.

"Will she like me?" The boy inquired worriedly.

"She will love you." Winifred assured.

And she did.

Later that year, Winifred gave birth to her second child:

Fairlight Tetch. Named after one of the main characters from her favorite book… the one that had originally inspired her, "Christy."

Jervis immediately adored his little sister and Henry found her to be perfect. She too had her mothers blue eyes and blonde hair, but also got her perfect nose-- which won her fathers immediate approval.

With this year, however.. came something else that was new.

Jervis's first year at school. With this came some issues, buried… and unexpected.

Sadly, the issue isn't what you may think.

Now… we know well Jervis had his fathers large nose.. well you'd well-to-know if you've ever heard of Jervis Tetch, you know well that as his adult teeth began to come in, he too, had the Tetch Family's large overbite.. so you may think perhaps the issue lies in bullying. Right?

Well. You'd not be wrong to think kids could be cruel-- but this did not bother Jervis. He was very much a Beauden at heart. A free spirited romantic, lofty and passive.

Their words didnt bother him much at all. Not really. Neither did the lack of friends.

He'd much rather sit under a tree and look at picture books-- Later read.

Or talk to the cat belonging to one of the neighbors that lived near the school that had often wandered to the playground.

He'd watch the caterpillars eat leaves, and keep track of the crysalises that formed.

He found happiness in his own interests. and so the other children never bothered him much.

No… the problem came in the form of. Henry. His father.

When Henry left England, he had done so entirely with the intent on leaving his Father and Mother behind. But unfortunately some things are harder to forget.

From the way he was raised, Henry had something that in modern times we now know well as trauma-induced OCD.

It manifested in many ways.

It always had shown in small ways. The way he'd check things for cleanliness, every time. WHen he was young, the blanket Winnie would lie down for him. As he got older he did it with dishes, with showering, with putting things away. It wasn't hugely problematic.. but it was noticeable.

If someone else, for example, a young Jervis, had put something away, His father would check it.. and check it again, and once more. He HAD to it seemed, or he'd stress himself into a frenzy.

But it didnt really become an issue until Jervis started school.

"He HAS to study more. He spends all of his time playing-- if he doesn't study his grades will fall."

He'd fret to Winnie, who'd quelm his worries. "And so what if they do, dear? We are well off. He is a smart boy-- He is fine. We are fine." She'd always assure him. But it was so ingrained from his parents and the words theyd always repeat to him as a child. "And what if there is another war, Winifred? Our money will be worth NOTHING. We will lose everything, and he's not the skills to survive!" "Henry!" She'd stop him over and over again. "He is only five, my love. We are in America now. And we will be fine. He will be fine.

He will be fine.

Jervis heard that every time his parents ever argued. They never USED to argue.. and why was it ALWAYS about HIM? He hated it so… he always felt like it was his fault..

Sometimes he'd apologize.. but his parents always told him it wasn't.

"It's not your fault, Jervis… go off to play."

Of course, as he got older, the compulsions seemed to get worse.. But Winifred helped Henry through it, calm and patient as she ever was. And He'd give into her as he always had. They'd come to a solution, and there was a compromise.

From Second Grade on, once grades did begin to matter moreso,

Jervis had to put his studies first every day when he got home. Appease his father by studying. But only within reason. and with plenty of time for him also to play and explore. It was not bad, not at all.

It was a very balanced sort of childhood. For the time, all was well.

Jervis was not an unintelligent child… not by any means. In fact, he was quite the opposite.

He was bright as could be. He was imaginative, he read very well above the expected level for his age, and he loved to make his parents proud. He worked hard, and for the most part succeeded…

Minus a very small issue.

It seemed that every now and again… Jervis would just sort of… zone out during class. He'd space at times, it was noticed.

It was especially surveyable when he was looking at picture books. It was noticed by his teachers that sometimes he would stay on the same page for far too long-- even perhaps hours if he were allowed..

He'd just gaze into the picture relentlessly.. almost unblinking.

Sometimes he'd twist his fingers, or bite his lip, or some other form of stim. But just… stare at it-- presumably daydreaming-- lost in his own head in some unimaginable concept entirely inspired by nothing more than the unmoving picture.

It was at this time his teacher had called a conference with Henry and Winifred to express their concerns.

Jervis was put through some tests and some observations following this point.

Eventually.. he was diagnosed with two things. Attention Deficit Disorder, or ADD, and High Functioning Autism.

Of course, back then, these things werent well understood. Henry was understandably distraught, worried about what sort of future he could have with such issues.

Winifred naturally comforted him, and the doctor they'd been refered to for the observations explained that the Autism wasnt some sort of death sentance… that despite it making him a little different, some autistic children even had some talents that "Normal" children didnt. Such as remembering dates and times with ease, or other languages. She recommended perhaps putting him into some extracurricular activities and seeing if any resignated with him. In addition the doctor explained that the ADD could likely be helped with therapy.. and if it couldnt… that they had medication that would help.

Of course, when they'd gone home, this once again had started a fight among his parents.

"He'll have to work harder, three, four, five times as hard as other children! He has to LEARN to act normal, Winifred! Its for his own good, for his FUTURE."

Of course, Winnie denied but comforted as she always did. "There is nothing wrong with the way he is, Henry. That is your parents speaking through you. The same parents we left behind…

It's such an archaic way of thinking. He is different-- there is nothing wrong with different. Different people are the future, my love. Give him a chance." She urged..

Henry of course was reluctant.. his own compulsions eating at him. But he loved his wife dearly, and gave in, letting it drop.

Jervis himself sighed, curling up in his room with his head on his knees.

Fairlight, however, giving him a push. "Jervy, play with me!" Fairlight chimed, her big blue eyes batting at her brother, her chin on his knees.

Jervis pouted.. not speaking.

This was something that was common for Jervis-- when he got upset he'd just go silent and not speak at all. Fairlight, four years old at this time, was used to this.

Over the years, Jervis's attachment to his mother, throughout his parents constantly argueing over HIM, had transferred to his little sister.

She was his best friend.

She was perfect. Just like dad said, she was everything he wasnt.

But he wasn't jealous.. not at all. He was just so glad. He didnt want her to ever be bullied like he was. He didnt want their father ever to be disappointed in her like he was with him. It would break his heart-- He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her life to be perfect. Just like she was.

His perfect baby sister, his best friend. The only one who never judged him. Never mocked him, never thought less of him.

She loved him unconditionally, and he loved her.

Fairlight pouted at his silence, and stuck her bottom lip out dramatically, just shaking him more. "Big Brother, please? Ill cry!"

Of course. that worked every time.. Jervis's face faultered slightly. "Oh.. no no, Dont cry, Fairlight. Okay… okay I'll play. WHat do you want to play? Blocks? Xylophone?" He offered a soft smile, tapping on her little toy instrument suggestingly.

"NO! I'm not a baby, Jervis!" She insisted, pouting cutely with her hands on her hips.

"I want to play Alice in Wonderland." She declared surely, with a bright smile.

"What? Alison Wonderland? Is… that a rock and roll band?" Jervis pouted a little disapprovingly. Despite getting many of his mothers traits, he held his fathers distaste for the modern music movement of the time.

"NO! Alice IN wonderland! like the Disney movie!" She pouted insistantly.

"Oh… is that… its the one with the purple cat, right?" He asked unsurely, Her lighting up.

"YES thats the one. and I will be Alice." She said brightly.

"Of course. and… I'm the cat?" He asked sweetly.

"Oh NO. You're the MAD HATTER." SHe said surely, Taking one of their mother's dressing-hats and plopping it on Jervis's head… which swallowed him entirely.

"The MAD HATTER? But I don't even like hats. and he was ENTIRELY unpleasant." Jervis frowned, pulling the dressing-hat up to where he could see.

"Now then. Alice is studying.. and she is sooo tired of studying cus its so BORING. so she falls asleep and wakes up in wonderland where everything is WONDERFUL and she doesnt have to study EVER again.

Jervis had to laugh. "Youve not even started school yet. What do you know about studying? Perhaps I should be Alice!" He teased, but always gave in at her sulking.

Of course… this was the beginning of it. He played pretend to appease his sister.

He didn't even LIKE the hatter. But he liked making his sister happy. and so they'd play, every day.

They'd go out into their mothers garden, and he'd let Fairlight lead, having adventures in the back yard, playing play-pretend--

And not too long later, it was in the library at school, Jervis discovered it.

"Alice in wonderland! It's a book? Just like Fairlight's Favorite!" He gushed happily running to the librarian. "Is this like the Disney Movie?" He asked innocently. The woman smiled to him patiently.

"Even better. It may be a bit difficult for your age, though--" "OH! I read very well for my age, madam." He insisted surely. The woman smiled in return. "Well then you should get "Through the looking glass" as well. Read both books. I hope you'll enjoy them."

And with joy, Jervis took both books, and got right to home.

He was happy to show Fairlight, who was delighted.

"You have to read them to me, you'll read them to me, right Jervis?!" She demanded, of course only met with a big buck-toothed smile.

"I would think of doing nothing else." He said surely.

Of course, Jervis had to do his homework and clean, but as soon as he was done, He and his sister curled up in the garden.. and Jervis began to read to her.

He read to her a little every single day-- right up into bedtime.

He found he liked the books MUCH more than the movie, and was happy to chat long after they were supposed to be asleep. Him leaning down from his bunkbed.

"Did you know, the librarian lady at school told me that Lewis Carrol wrote Alice in wonderland about a real little girl.. Her name was Alice Liddel. She said he'd watch her play.. and he was amazed by how imagintive she was. How she could always amuse herself and make something out of nothing. How she'd talk to the flowers and the caterpillars."

"Just like you!" Fairlight chimed happily."

"Oh no, YOURE Alice, not ME. I'm the Hatter, remember?" He laughed.

He always loved how much Fairlight would light up when he'd call her Alice.. she really did love it so.

"Goodnight, my Alice." He chimed warmly.

She giggled happily. "Good un-daytime, Mad hatter!" She said surely in return.

The two loved eachother very much. Unfortunately.. this didnt last.

They were nearly through the second book, "Through the Looking Glass"

When Jervis had hurried home as he did every day.

"Alice, I'm home! I'll get right on my homework and then we should finish the book this week!" He announced happily.. only to be paused as he slid in, looking around.

"Alice? Fairlight?"

He called out, Winifred shaking her head. "Shhh, Jervis. Fairlight is ill today. She can't play, she needs rest." She assured. Jervis nodded, and smiled. "Oh okay." He said thoughtfully.

"When she wakes up, can I still read to her?" He asked.. and Winifred of course agreed.

When Fairlight woke.. Jervis did read to her.. a little. She was fine just the day before.. but now she had a fever.. She could barely stay awake--. Jervis read a little, but hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"You rest, We can read later, okay? "

"Okay Jervy, I love you big brother. We will play tomorrow, okay?"

"For most certain." He agreed, I love you too, My Alice. Tomorrow then."

Tomorrow.. however… never came.

Fairlight had just gotten so ill so fast… they didn't even have the time to know what had happened.

Jervis was called to the principals office.

WHen they told him that his sister had passed.. he didnt react at all.

He didnt cry at first. He didnt ask questions.

He just went silent.

He was silent for a long time while they talked.

He felt like his face was on fire. He felt numb. It couldnt be real.

When he finally spoke, it was muddled.

"I should go home, I promised Fairlight we would finish the book today…"

The principal immediately looked concerned. "Jervis… Fairlight is… Shes gone. Im sorry."

"She isn't gone. SHe wouldn't leave without finishing the story. She's Alice." He informed them distantly.

Of course… she was gone.

She was gone.

Jervis couldnt believe she was gone.

They never even got.. to finish the book.

She was Alice.. she was the main character.. she couldnt be gone.

This is when the Tetches fell apart.

Winifred had fallen deep into depression.. losing her daughter just sucked the life right out of her… and she had turned this brokeness to Jervis.

She would lift him into her arms just as she had done when he was young, and just hold him for hours at a time.

She paid no attention to Henry anymore.. she couldnt bare to.

And Jervis scarcely was going to school. He couldn't leave her… She was becoming so frail and weak-- just like Fairlight had been.

If he left..

He knew she'd be gone forever if he did.

"Winnie, you need to EAT. You cant do this to me. I ALREADY LOST MY DAUGHTER am I supposed to lose my wife too?! And what about HIM? You think Jervis is going to get by without you?!

He's a freak. He needs his mother!"

Jervis had woken to his father yelling. He frowned deeply.. normally when they fought he'd lock himself in his room. But he just couldn't leave his mother… not now.

She didn't even argue… she just gave her husband a soft distant look.

"Winifred, its NOT romantic to be a Martyr. You need to go on with the LIVING. You can't just follow her!" He snapped, but left the room.

Jervis frowned softly, looking up at his mother.

"is it true…?"

She looked down at him slowly, taking a deep breath, before speaking far too slowly.

"Is what true, My Jervis?"

Jervis frowned a little. "Are you trying to die? Like Fairlight?" He asked with ernest concern.

But Winifred only smiled softly, in a foreign way Jervis didn't recognize.

"I am." She said slowly, but shook her head seeing Jervis's horror.

"Don't be so sad… Jervis. It's like that book you were reading…."

"Like.. our book?" He asked slowly.

Winifred nodded.

"Fairlight is in wonderland now… I'm just… following the white rabbit… to go and find her…" She whispered gently.

"To wonder… Mother, she's DEAD. She's not in wonderland! She died! You'll die!" He argued in a panic, stress in his voice.

She shook her head, however… "Death is just.. another way of reaching the other side of the looking glass. When you go this way.. you can't come back anymore.

I just.. don't want her to be alone."

Jervis frowned deeply.. to him-- it made sense. He knew what death was but.. his autism made him not completely grasp it.. not the way he should have-- and his mother was skewing it. She didn't mean to do harm… but the truth was. She did..

"You will help me… won't you, Jervis?" She whispered softly, Jervis looking up helplessly.

"You don't want to leave Fairlight alone, right? I just.. want to go take care of her… okay?"

Jervis thought about it, but nodded slowly. "Okay. … Just.. How can I help, Mum?"

She took a deep breath. "There are flowers… in the garden bushes… the Oleander.

Fetch them for mother… and we. we will have a tea party.

I will drink the Oleander tea.. and I will follow your sister into Wonderland." She told him surely…

Jervis looked down… he nodded, but looked up helplessly. "I miss her, mother… and.. I will miss you too.. so much. I want to come to WOnderland too--"

"No--" She said quickly, but sighed. "No, Jervis… when you find you way to wonderland… you have to find it through the looking glass.. the one with the way back.. so you can always come back to this world." "I don't need to be in this room if you and Fairlight are there.." he said quickly, but she shook her head. "You have to stay to keep our family alive in this world. You know we are from such prominant families.. You will inheret everything, you will be the one to make us proud. I have faith in you, Jervis. When you find your way through the looking glass.. you will see us again." She answered quickly and surely, stroking his cheek gently. "WHen I am gone.. I promise I will come back to you as the white rabbits, okay? They'll always be a sign of what you need to do, so you'll never be alone. I promise."

Of course… by all technicality.. this was Jervis' first murder.. though no one ever knew the truth besides Jervis himself.. who didnt understand it.

He did what he thought was right… He helped his mom go to find Fairlight… so she wouldnt be alone.

Of course.. Henry found them… Her unconscious with tea in her hand… and Jervis petting her gently, stroking her hair comfortingly.

He didn't think anything suspicious-- she was already in bad shape.. and Jervis-- he knew he was.. off. He just assumed he didnt understand.. he wasnt completely wrong.

He was DISTRAUGHT. and Broken. and from there is when things got… bad.

Of course without Winifred and Fairlight there anymore…

Henry's OCD and compulsions had spiralled out of control.

Jervis was all he had left.. He had to save him. He had to save the family.

What if Winnie's way was wrong? He couldn't take that risk.. not now.

Jervis was forced to study relentlessly. He no longer could play, He no longer had that freedom.

The only think he still was allowed to do was to read… only because his father would forever have a softspot for it-- thanks to his lost love.

As he grew older, of course the boy was praised as being brilliant. He graduated highschool with honors. Jervis had become a much more serious and diligent boy, just as his father had pushed him to.

Despite his electives and extracurriculars in highschool being largely focussed on Classic Literature and the history of such, when he'd gone to college, he'd chosen his Majors not to his own preferences, but instead at his fathers urging and pushing his responsibility to keep their family alive.

Medical Science and Biology, and Technology.

Of course.. it was mentioned long long before that many autistic children had a gift in certain areas.

Well, by matter of chance, they had found that area. Jervis absolutely was considered a genius in his work here.. He had a high ranking job right out of college and was considered unparalelled in his work. He was hired in the big city, in THE Gotham City, and quickly moved there to begin working for Wayne Enterprises.

But as seemed to be a pattern in this poor boys life-- the good couldn't last. Nothing was ever stable.

Jervis at this point, despite having been talented in this area, was overworking himself.

At this point he had been well brainwashed by his father, he had long since forgotten his previous hobbys, and had delved into only his work. He needed to be successful. and there was nothing else.

He was working day and night, constantly-- He would sometimes go days forgetting to eat or sleep, and that-- there inlaid the issue. Because that was what eventually lead to his first hallucination-- and eventually his full schizophrenic break.

Jervis had fallen asleep at his desk.. it wasnt uncommon. and it was quite late when he awoke.. everyone else was already gone from the lab… when he got up, and made his way downstairs, locking up and leaving.

As he was leaving, he was heading to walk home, as he was nearly tripped… by a white rabbit.

At first.. he didnt think twice…. and yet somehow, it hit him all at once. He looked back.. to see a little girl.. running after the rabbit.

The little girl looked-- so familiar somehow.. something about her blonde hair and blue eyes.. and little blue dress. "…Its… impossible… Fairlight?"

"Call me Alice, silly!" She giggled, before turning and running back after the Rabbit….

Almost mindlessly, he followed it. It lead him to a park…

It was late.. so there was no children.

But there was one person… a man.. and he was crying.

Jervis frowned, looking around. He couldn't remember quite how he got there. Wasn't he.. following someone? He was too tired to recall.

"Excuse me… excuse me!" Jervis spoke up.

"Are you alright?" He asked gently as he walked up to the man, he looked up.

"Im sorry.. I didnt know anyone else was here.." The man stood.

"Oh-- Oh nonono… you arent bothering me. Not even a little bit! But you do seem so very… distraught. You are in a park, crying! Perhaps… youd like to talk about it?" Jervis offered.

Ive no where to be-- not really.."

The man and Jervis sat and talked… they talked until daylight broke.

The man was heartbroken.. the story was all too familiar. He had lost his wife and child

This man, however… had lost a son.

"I am so sorry--" Jervis said, almost on impulse, but the man shook his head.

"If I knew.. I would have done things differently.

I worked him so hard. I was so concerned for his grades.. was so worried about school-- none of that matters now. all those straight A's amounted to NOTHING. Hes DEAD and GONE. And all that time I could have been spending with him-- I lost it. Its too late now.

I'd do anything to be with them now--

I just want to be with them."

Jervis frowned deeply. "Sir.. if you're feeling… suicidal-- there are people you can call.. Here you can use my phone--!"

The man shook his head. "Nah… dont worry. I know how it works… or how they say it works. If I off myself-- Ill never see them again-- Ya know? We wont go to the same place."

Jervis thought about it for a moment. "You wont… be able to go to wonderland?" He asked slowly, the man laughing sadly. "Sure. we can say it like that." He said plainly.

Jervis thought hard for a long moment. He was quiet for several minutes before finally speaking.

"Would you like some tea?"

The man looked confused at first. "Wha? I prefer coffee.." He laughed sadly, akwardly, but Jervis gave a soft smile.

"I am English afterall, im sure you can hear it-- I must insist. It will help." He said surely, offering the man his hand as he stood.

The man thought about it… but let him help him up. He followed the shorter man a small distance home.

That night… the small man was finally able to join his family in wonderland. Jervis had helped him.

"Do you understand now..?" Jervis heard a small voice, he turned to see the small girl again, giving him a soft look.

"Yes, Alice.. I understand. I will help him." He said softly.

Jervis packed a small bag… and headed home to Tennessee… Home to see his father.

His father was growing old.. he was a miserable man who never did quite get over the loss of the love of his life.. and though he was proud of Jervis' accomplishments. He'd never let it show… so trapped in "Tough Love"…

Jervis could now see the suffering. The man before had opened his eyes…

Alice wanted him to help him. He would help him. He missed his mother so well.

Jervis had of course made tea for him.. and they sat together and talked…

But he seemed to realize something was wrong.. it was different than the others.. he didnt just fall asleep.. his eyes seemed to have a kind of clarity.

"Jervis… what.. did you do?"

"Its alright father…" He smiled warmly, touching his arm, before hugging him tightly.

"You'll see mom again soon. Youll finally be happy. Alice told me so… Fairlights here to take you."

Jervis said so proudly.. he didnt understand the last look in his fathers eyes.

It would take a long time to truly understand it…

After this, nearly a decade had passed.

On one hand, for a decade, Jervis had been a normal man. He'd worked every day, he'd been successful. He'd not killed anyone-- importantly.

His life seemed to have finally settled into place, although-- his obsession… only grew.

Once he had "helped" his father, the small man was finally at peace. He didnt feel guilted anymore, nor obligation. He finally was free to find the joy in his life… to try to find the looking glass..

And he did.. when he could finally stop and look around him, he found it often, in every day things.

To him, Gotham truly was a wonderland.

The lights that lit the sky at night to him danced like stars singing to him…

The characters very much surounded them,

The flowers sang,

THe walrus was on the news… though for some reason he called himself the penguin? But Jervis didnt question it, he respected all peoples identities!

And in fact he'd just been promoted at work! Head of Hardware development. He was moved to a different department and paired with a new partner.

A snarky, unhappy, but very intelligent man named Edward Nashton.

"Hello, hello! Frabjous day, is it not?!" Jervis greeted with Delight, offering his hand.

The taller man looked him over with scrutinizing eyes, very VERY delicately taking just the tips of his fingers with gloved hands. "…Right…. Lewis Carrol, hm?" He sighed, as Jervis nodded in agreeance.

"OH, You know it?"

"I know ALL the classics. I can't say ive a preference for something so… ABSTRACT, myself. But-- to each their own." He sighed, cleaning his glasses and turning back to the computer screen where he typed away.

"Oh! Well, Its very much my favorite. My little sister introduced me, you know. She is Alice. She always helps me to find the wonderland in everything~" He chimed brightly, proudly bragging as though the girl were still alive, there with him.

Ed just shrugged passively.

"Right. Well. Good on you." He gave a thumbs up carelessly.

"And good luck when that falls apart too." He said back mocking the singsongy voice, waving his hand mildly.

"My well you ARE a sourpuss, arent you?" Jervis sulked.. but got to work.

Of course… as bleak as it may seem. This irritable man eventually came one of Jervis' two dearest friends.

It was not too long after this point the man had had his own break of sorts.. becoming a criminal himself, outright and well known. He'd been open and fearless, and been stopped by-- a man dressed as a bat. Even Jervis thought that was a bit insane. Even in wonderland men didn't dress as bats.

But Jervis admired the man greatly. He had fought for what he believed in, he was guilted into nothing, and he helped… HIMSELF, most importantly. THAT was something Jervis had NEVER done. He was so entirely impressed. Edward had not been arressted that day, but actually gotten away, despite being stopped from his rampage-- Jervis knew the white rabbit would lead him right to him.

He must be insane. What was he doing? Surely he'd lose his job. But-- this life. This was never HIS life. He wanted to follow Alice into wonderland-- Surely Edward's way-- Edwards way was wonderland. To live freely and indugently.

He knew the white rabbit would lead him to Edward.

Edward now called himself the Riddler, didnt he?

Well he would follow in the intelligent man's footsteps.

He was… he was---.

"The Mad Hatter." He heard the small voice, with giggles. which made him smile fondly.

"I am the Mad Hatter." Jervis repeated surely.. following the white rabbit into the night.

#jervis tetch #jervis #tetch #madhatter #mad hatter #batman #rogues #rogues gallery #gotham rogues #gotham

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