#multiple seizures

[faofinn]

Day 31 - Ambulance Ride

@mediwhumpmay

They'd not long been in the back of the ambulance when Finn started to regain consciousness. He spat the airway from his mouth and knocked the mask off his face, rolling onto his side. He'd not yet worked out where he was, but he was always more comfortable on his side. 

As someone readjusted the mask on his face, he jerked back, eyes wide.

"It's alright, just sorting this. It's Finn, yeah? You're alright. You've had a few seizures." The medic said to him. "Your brother’s here, don't you worry."

Finn narrowed his eyes, trying to make sense of the figure in front of him. At the mention of his brother, he perked up, looking expectantly around. 

Fao reached across for his brother’s hand. “I’m here, Finn.”

"Fuzzy." He managed, fidgeting his feet.

“You had a couple of seizures. Makes you feel a bit odd.” He reassured. “You’re okay.”

"Hurts."

“I know, I know.”

"Finn, where hurts? I know it’s all gonna be a bit difficult right now."

He moved to look at the paramedic, pulling a face. He didn’t see why he he's we being asked, especially when it was so obvious. 

“Finn? Can you tell them what’s hurting? They’re not mind readers.”

"I don't care." He huffed, settling back down.

“They care, though. They want to help. Is it your head?”

"Mm. Maybe."

"Are we playing charades?" He laughed softly. "I'll change the question. Do you want some pain relief?"

Finn thought about it for a second, weighing it up. For him to be in the back of the ambulance, he'd have had more than one seizure, which meant he already had a cannula in. He squinted his eyes to check which arm, and then held it out wordlessly. 

"I'll take that as a yes." He laughed. "I'll grab you something."

Fao couldn’t help but laugh too. “Honestly, Finn. You’re daft sometimes.” 

"'M not."

The paramedic got Finn the medication he needed, squeezing his hand once he was done. “There. That should sort that pain out, wherever it is.”

Finn settled after that, the pain relief adding to the post seizure haze. He was content enough to sleep. 

They were typically a long way from the hospital, and the journey in the ambulance dragged. Finn had dozed off, and Fao watched him closely. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d have a break from seizures and then start again. He watched the rise and fall of his chest, every breath, waiting for something. He knew he was paranoid, and that his brother was older now, but he still saw that broken ten year old, his baby brother. He’d always been protective over Finn, and that hadn’t changed now he was a grumpy teenager. 

Eventually, after what felt like an age, they pulled up at the hospital, and Fao scrambled out of the ambulance to follow his brother into the building. Unfortunately, it was just the start to another long, long day.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 348

(Been a bit since I did an Ennead AU or Prompt, huh)

They had been… Shattered, torn apart, barely developed cores ripped from still living bodies left spasming and rotting, consciousness frayed and trapped in the shards. Had been pulled apart further, warped until they could barely remember what they were before, flashes of separate memories coming together to form knowledge they did not like. 

They had… found each other, less alive and dead than before, only continuing to exist from the saturation of the surrounding ecto. Had cobbled themselves together, nine becoming four then two, then one singular core. 

One being of Nine, dripping blood, dripping gore and viscera of the living, hair still grasped in their claws as they dropped a head. They were many, yet one, all of them buzzing around each other like the circling of planets. 

Hands flex, the movement, feeling of living flesh novel to their senses. Senses that confirmed what they had long dreaded. They were the last- the others gone, dead, shattered beyond hope. They hope it was painless, even as they knew it was not. The scientists never cared about how much pain they caused, only that they got results. 

Where were their results now? Where were their weapons and torture that they were so proud of? It didn’t protect them, and the Nine that were One couldn’t help the laugh. What use was freedom when everyone was gone? When they could feel reality breaking apart from the unbalance that even their power was useless in correcting? 

The dead and the living, the living and the dead, always chasing after the other in an endless cycle. Now broken, shattered like them, yet unable to be put back together. 

They laughed, a broken, croaking, sobbing sound as they grieved for those whose names they could no longer remember. Who were now Nothing, no name to be whispered to the stars, no grave for a mutilated corpse to be lowered. Only chunks of gore tossed aside when their torturers were done, discarded like waste. 

What else is there to do, but Wail, to let out their fury and grief and anguish into the void even as the world crumbles around them? What else is left but to drift as the abyss trails ever-hungry. There’s no more Ancients, no more Humans, nor more Life, and no Death to claim them. 

So they are left adrift, tails lifeless, form shifting between Beast and Other as time escapes them. For there is no Time, no Space, not here, not in this emptiness where even the Infinite would not dare touch. How long they drifted, wandered, they did not, do not, know. 

Yet they know the moment something disturbs their aimless wandering, the fuzzy, sputtering feeling trying to wrap around a wrist. They stare, even if they see nothing, heads tilting and twisting as they whisper amongst themselves. What is it, they wonder, the sensation something strange and unfamiliar compared to the ever-starving feeling that had long since become normal. 

So they let it take hold, it would never have succeeded otherwise, and they open their eyes not in the Nothing, but to the Sun. 

(Been a while so have some of the art I did of the Ennead lol)

(In dragon form the main body goes from the head/neck colors to a black while the underbelly is iridescent- Also yes there's a torn opening on their chest like a wound or maw) (Humanoid form is about 15' and dragon form varies around 200' or larger)

[warfsbubblegum]

This is basically my version of actor

He literally has every illness in existence plus a concussion

[l3irdl3rain]

Tiktok can be so fun for posting cute little videos of my pets but my god there are the worst fucking people on there

[trans-axolotl]

might actually cry at the kindness of strangers rn 😭 mentioned some of the health stuff i'd been dealing with lately + my seizures + how things are getting worse in a server and someone offered to send me their old wheelchair :) it's a standard medline foldable wheelchair and i'm unsure how well ill be able to self propel in it but. i'm literally so grateful and so so so appreciative i don't even care bc i did not have $150 to spend on that right now and like. everyone in my life who knows what's going on has been telling me to think about trying out a wheelchair for things like protesting where i have to stand for multiple hours bc currently i'm crashing so bad for days afterwards. and this will allow me at least to try this out and see if this is something that can help with that while we get started on the process of figuring out if i'm eligible for insurance coverage and stuff.

actually just. so so so so so fucking grateful rn. like. holy shit 😭

[sophieinwonderland]

u have a v distinct way of doing things and i am v aware of it so i play by ur methods. i will take this excessively diplomatically so no one can possibly misconstrue my words

i made the original post ab this whole thing. in spite of having been labeled as anti endo (and a singlet for some reason) i’m not rly. i have been involved in the plural community long before my DID dx and my last bf was a veritbonder. i have seen the endo community from the inside and don’t have issues w it.

my problem is the disingenuous nature of many syscoursers, and you are not excluded from this. i could do the same thing as you have done and explain why i think PNES should just be called regular seizures and they’re exactly the same now. there are many sources where they have been called seizures for years and years. but language changes, and i know you know this. it is one of your whole arguments as to why you are for the use of tulpa. to you, that word means something different than its origins.

to me, as a bodily semiverbal person, these terms mean something different. these words have evolved within the community that they were applied to. the system community, both endogenic and traumagenic, is dissociated (ha) from the semi/nonverbal community at large. you don’t know how we use these words because you literally do not participate in our community or culture. just like someone who commented on one of your other posts said, this is exactly like when verbal autistics who lose speech insist that saying “go nonverbal” doesn’t hurt nonverbal people.

as i said in my original post, and yet people somehow become unable to read for one sentence, if one headmate fronts for a significant amount of time that you could be considered semiverbal as one body, then you can do that. you are very disingenuous with your “bodily experiences” post, even though i am very sure you understand what people mean by that. my entire body regardless of any headmate fronting will always be semiverbal or nonverbal as my brain damage progresses. i use these words to tell people that as a body i cannot speak how you speak. if i had some headmates that couldn’t talk i would just say that. those specific ones can’t talk. my body is verbal overall.

if you go into our communities, we will hear you say “i am nonverbal” and will assume that your body does not and cannot speak. we will defer to you and seek to uplift your voice as one of the most disabled members of our society. our community is based around intersectionality and understanding that there are people more disabled than you. it is the job of verbal people to listen to me, and it is my job to listen to nonverbal people.

if you use these terms just for yourself. just between you and your therapist. between you and your friends. then no, it doesn’t matter. it was never about that. it is about the community and community implications of people who are objectively less disabled taking a word for people who are more so.

headmates can be people, they can do that, but a single body exists. you can’t just ignore that. i don’t become white when my white headmate fronts. i don’t gain the ability to walk unaided when abled headmates front. i don’t become less disabled in any way. i don’t become verbal.

and if you want to counter with abled systems can have alters that can’t walk, because i know you just want to, we don’t call it paralysis. we call it functional, somatic, or psychogenic paralysis. it works differently in the body just the same. you can’t insert yourself into semi/nonverbal spaces any more than you can insert yourself into a SCI support group.

i could do the same thing as you have done and explain why i think PNES should just be called regular seizures and they’re exactly the same now. there are many sources where they have been called seizures for years and years. but language changes, and i know you know this.

I'm already lost...

Is there some sort of discourse claiming that you can't call psychogenic non-epileptic seizures... seizures?

and if you want to counter with abled systems can have alters that can’t walk, because i know you just want to, we don’t call it paralysis. we call it functional, somatic, or psychogenic paralysis.

Or that psychogenic paralysis isn't a valid type of paralysis?

The cause may be different, but there are a ton of different causes for various conditions.

Someone blinded by an eye disease is blind. Someone blinded by their eyes being physically damaged is blind. Someone who experiences psychogenic blindness is blind.

Likewise, psychogenic paralysis IS paralysis. And a psychogenic non-epileptic seizure IS a seizure. You can add a qualifier to that... but it's not necessary.

if you go into our communities, we will hear you say “i am nonverbal” and will assume that your body does not and cannot speak.

That could be a fair assumption with no context. Although I... frankly doubt this happens often, or is a mistake that lasts long without being corrected.

If someone hears me say "I'm a cis woman" without context, I'm sure they would wrongfully assume I mean that the body is AFAB.

Obviously, it's important to try to mitigate miscommunications like these. But I assume that if you're dealing with a system with nonverbal headmates, you'll realize shortly the error. Unless that nonverbal headmate is the host or is otherwise fronting all or most of the time, in which case... maybe the miscommunication isn't as important as you think it is. 🤷‍♀️

our community is based around intersectionality and understanding that there are people more disabled than you. it is the job of verbal people to listen to me, and it is my job to listen to nonverbal people.

And this, I think is a mistake. At least when taken to the extremes I see here.

First... I'm really not comfortable with the idea of "more disabled" here. Sure, you can kind of apply this in specific contexts to try to say recurrent symptoms aren't as bad because they don't happen as often... but having your legs randomly give out while crossing the street might be more harmful than being a fulltime wheelchair user who wouldn't have been in that situation.

I'm also not comfortable with this thought in this specific case as it suggests that the nonverbal singlet is "more disabled" than the traumagenic DID system with severe memory loss and c-PTSD who has nonverbal headmates, and therefore gets a right to police their terms.

But let's say for the sake of argument this has merit and DID systems with nonverbal headmates are "less disabled" than nonverbal singlets:

Yes, you should absolutely listen to people with disabilities. Especially severe ones. But...

Dysphoric transgender people are technically more disabled (in that specific context) than non-dysphoric ones.

The same logic you're using could just as easily be used to support transmedicalists over non-dysphoric transgender people. Actually, the same logic HAS been used this way. Repeatedly. It's one of the main talking points employed by transmeds to garner sympathy.

There HAS to be more critical thought put into these issues than just "listen to the most disabled people in the room," which in this context really feels more like "accept what the most vocal members of a group say on a given platform without question."

This is also the logic sysmeds use against endogenic and non-disordered systems.

"We're disabled trauma survivors, so therefore you're supposed to listen to us when we claim this other marginalized group of people aren't real and their experiences aren't valid, and they aren't allowed to use terms we claim are ours regardless of whether those terms originally were or not. If you disagree with us then you're ableist."

We cannot afford to normalize this sort of exclusionism and gatekeeping.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Here’s some positivity for systems who have seizures!

Systems of all sorts deserve to be supported and uplifted in the system community. Those with epilepsy or who experience non-epileptic seizures (NES) are important members of this community and their presence here should be welcomed and cherished! This post is for every system in the plural community who has seizures!

Shoutout to systems who have regularly experienced seizures since they were young!

Shoutout to epileptic systems who need photosensitivity warnings, lack of flashing/strobing lights, and other accommodations in order to live happy lives!

Shoutout to systems whose seizures are caused by internal processes or electricity in their brain!

Shoutout to systems who have recently had their first seizure!

Shoutout to systems who aren’t sure why they have seizures, or who haven’t been able to receive an explanation from their healthcare provider!

Shoutout to systems who carry seizure cards or educate others on how best to help them if they have a seizure!

Shoutout to systems who have to avoid media content that they would otherwise enjoy due to the possibility of it triggering a seizure!

Shoutout to individual members in systems who have seizures more than the rest of their headmates!

Shoutout to traumagenic systems whose trauma history caused them to develop epilepsy or have NES!

Shoutout to systems who suddenly became epileptic later in life!

Shoutout to systems whose seizures make it difficult or impossible for them to work, attend school, keep the hobbies they want, or pursue their passions!

Shoutout to those who are epilepsy advocates, or who fight for accessibility rights for those who experience seizures!

If you or anyone in your system experiences seizures, we are wishing you hope, rest, comfort, and stability in your future! Please don’t be afraid to ask for help or accommodations when you need them - you deserve to live a life full of joy and happiness, and it’s okay (and so important!) for others to make changes or exceptions for your health and safety.

Remember to take it easy from time to time and try to treat yourself and your system with patience and kindness! Know that you will always have a place in the plural community, and we are so happy to have you here! Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day!

(Image ID:) A pale orange userbox with a cluster of multicolored flowers for the userbox image. The border and text are both dark orange, and the text reads “all plurals can interact with this post!” (End ID.)

[chicago-geniza]

Ohhh my gd. No sleep. Showered, brushed teeth, put on clean clothes, put dirty clothes in washer, refilled weekly pills, took pills, took vitamins, did morning inhalers, checked bus schedules, checked work schedule, took nausea meds, packed instant soup & baby food for lunch because ulcers + gastroparesis are both acting up, charged headphones, have mask ready, put on neuropathy socks, took stimulants, confirmed Medicaid/SNAP redetermination appointment for next week. Don't want to go to work but at least I'm not closing today and have two days off afterwards. We're activating emergency protocols because I will be fired if I miss another shift so until I have a Red Dinner situation at the register or end up repeating the great grad conference grand mal seizure of 2020, we Do It Sick

[chronicallyuniconic]

Barriers I face for appointments

Great, you spent years fighting for your appointments, now you got them. Except the hospital you have to go to is 20 miles away, a 1hr 45 minute train and bus journey, a 25 minute car ride.

Twenty miles really isn't that far. 1hr 45 minutes travel time isn't that bad for the journey. A 25 minute drive is pretty easygoing. For someone who isn't ill that is.

I'm not allowed to drive for a start, it is illegal because of seizures, I had to return my license and until I'm seizure free for at least 12 months, maybe then I can have it back.

Someone like me, cannot manage 1hr 45 minutes on a train and a bus. Sitting up for 30 minutes, is too much for me. Like my body, is physically not capable of sitting up like that. You're generally not allowed to lie down on the floor of a moving bus or train.

Walking between the stops, to catch my next leg of the journey, is not possible. It will take me 3 times longer than an abled person. I will have to stop, every few steps. I will be in pain & out of breath, exhausted. My legs will end up turning into jelly, will bend like rubber and completely collapse underneath me.

You know that big step up there always is, between the train platform, the gap and the train? Yeah I can't do that anymore. It's too high. You think they roll out the ramp for little me? Ha!

So say I walked all that way, I caught the bus somehow, I walked again and I managed to somehow get on the train. I get off at my destination and I have to walk again, for '16 minutes.' times that by 2 or 3 and we're looking at 30 to 50 minutes.

I'm at the hospital. I'm in tears. I'm on the verge of passing out. My body is d o n e. [I could collapse in a heap and they will just say I'm dehydrated]

I go through the appointment as arranged. (Hooray?) I spent all this time waiting and finally it's happened. I hope it reveals answers this time. I hope it provides some insight into my physical and mental states. I feel hope.

But now I have to get home..

[you bet your a$$ I'm getting a taxi/lift and will be lay strapped across the backseats like a creepy little car goblin, another costly expense (£65 return journey compared to £12 public transport), a kind of disability tax, for being f***ing ILL]

[missmamibee]

good morning

[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Me: Hey these things are causing issues and getting in the way of my everyday life. Do you know what's wrong?

Every medical professional @ me when my body does the Thing™️:

[diver5ion]

[flitterywings]

I can’t believe I’ve lost two years of my twenties to health problems and disability. it’s still baffling me that I’m not anywhere close to recovering

[scarecrowgolem]

There is a very specific sort of antisemitism that is seemingly common in mental health facilities and its fucking terrifying

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane's Pets Chapter 92: Powerful

TWs in the tags

Previous

Masterlist

Next

At first, you and Kitty thought Jane was forgetting to drug Kitty, but it quickly became obvious it's very intentional. It's been three days since their last dose and they are definitely feeling the effects.

Jane takes them down into the basement every day. She sees how bad they're doing, she sees the withdrawal. She knows, and she's doing this on purpose. And Kitty is overjoyed.

They tried to hide how happy they were at first, worried that if they showed how much they preferred withdrawal to being drugged Jane would go back to drugging them regularly. But even when they slipped up, she didn't seem to care. Kitty thinks she's waiting for it to get bad enough that they beg for the drug, and that she'll be waiting a long time.

"I mean, withdrawal only gets worse for so long, right? And if this had a risk of killing me, or at least a higher risk than the other stuff Jane does, she wouldn't do it, cause that would be too painless of a way to die. So I have until she realizes that I'm not going to beg for it, which can be quite a while if I play my cards right, maybe exaggerate how bad it is… she probably wouldn't fall for that, especially now that I've said it out loud, but still!"

They're the happiest you've seen them in a long time. Since before you left with Barron, Diya, and Ray, actually…

Unfortunately, that doesn't mean they're doing well. It just shows how absolutely miserable they were while being drugged that this is preferable.

You don't think Kitty has been still once in these past few days, at least ever since the last remnants of the drug left their system. They are constantly shaking, constantly moving, mumbling to themself whenever they're not talking to you. They've been assigned two buckets by you and Puppy, one to carry around for when they throw up and one for when that one is being cleaned. If either of you touches Kitty at all they completely flip out, screaming about how no one respects them, no one cares about what they want and everyone just touches them for their own selfish gratification, caring more about appearing to be comforting than what they actually want-

And despite it all, they insist that this is better than being drugged. That they hope the withdrawal lasts a long time so they get longer to be themself.

You can't help but agree. They have more moments of misery, but more moments of joy too. You would like to help them slowly wean off the drug, to not have to deal with these symptoms while still coming back to themself, but that's not an option. Out of two very shitty options, this one is ever so slightly better.

You try to ignore the obvious: there's no light at the end of this tunnel. When the withdrawal symptoms get better, they'll be put back on the drug and back to freaking out about if they're even a person instead of freaking out over being touched. But that's okay. You'll be taking a sledgehammer to the walls of this metaphorical tunnel soon enough.

You're thinking about it all the time. If you could get some kind of weapon inside of her body, something that could destroy her over and over again so that even with instant healing she can't hurt anybody, and she wouldn't be able to teleport it out…

But you don't have anything like that. And to cast a spell that continues forever would have a high cost, you're sure. You'd be willing to pay almost any price, but you think you should explore your other options first. Preparing a spell like that would take a long time, and you want to get out of here as soon as possible.

You need to know why she's immortal. Maybe you could convince Jane to tell you? She did say that if you think you can figure out a way to kill her that she hasn't already tried, you should tell her…

Jane is powerful, but so are you, and it's only a matter of time before you find a way to get rid of her. Next time she's around, you'll ask her. What's the worse that could happen? 

~~

Puppy is near sick with worry about Kitty. They're only getting worse. Before, she could stomach it, even though it was awful, because Kitty was themself and choosing not to beg for the drug. She thinks she would choose differently, but that's okay. Kitty's allowed to be different, and if this is what they prefer she'll do her best to keep them safe while it's happening.

Except they just had a seizure and that's fucking dangerous and Master might actually kill them this time, what the hell is she thinking??

When the fever first started Puppy was worried, but still willing to respect their wishes. But they just keep getting more and more confused, and then they had a seizure, and that's not okay, she can't let this keep happening!

She briefly considers taking off her muzzle and collar just to tell Ja- Master that this isn't okay, that she can't let Kitty kill themself because they're having this battle of wills, but then she thinks of the last time she spoke without permission to save Kitty's life, of burning hot barbed wire all over her body, and she just… can't. Master said if she spoke without permission again, she would never see Kitty again. And speaking without permission is the whole reason she's muzzled and not even allowed to hum anymore. No, she can't do that. 

So what can she do? Kitty is going to die without this drug. She can't let that happen, even if it would end their suffering, because she's too selfish. She can't let them die.

Bunny is terrified too. They'd agreed to have Puppy watch Kitty tonight since she doesn't have permission to sleep, with Bunny sleeping on the floor by Kitty's bed in case Puppy needed any help. And fuck, if he hadn't been there, if she hadn't been able to shake him awake to see what was happening, no one else would know about the seizure. She wouldn't be able to tell anyone. 

"She's not taking them into the basement today." Bunny says, his eyes dark. As if he has any control over that. He's so angry lately, responding to scary things with threats and promises he has no chance of keeping. It's going to get him in trouble. Anger is only a liability here. But she has bigger things than that to worry about right now.

She needs Kitty to beg for the medicine. That's the only way Master will give it to them, and therefore the only way for them to survive. She grabs their face, forcing them to look at her, and then mimes taking a pill.

They stare at her blankly, rubbing their face where she grabbed them.

"I think Puppy wants you to start taking the pills again." Bunny says softly. Puppy nods in confirmation, pleading with her eyes. Please, I can't watch you die. I can't lose you.

"No!"

Without thinking, Puppy strikes them across the face. Bunny and Kitty stare at her in shocked horror.

It doesn't matter. They can hate her, it doesn't matter, so long as Kitty's alive. She mimes taking a pill again.

"'m sorry." Kitty mumbles. "Didn't know- didn't know she told you to make me. If I'd known I wouldn't have…" I wouldn't have made you have to hit me.

Bunny reaches out and takes her hand. "Right, you wouldn't have done that if you didn't have to. We understand."

Puppy forces down a twinge of guilt. That's useless here. She did the right thing, because now Kitty is going to beg for the pills and survive and that's all that matters. That's all that matters.

She continues to take care of Kitty until sunlight starts to come through the window and Master comes to take them downstairs.

"Please… please give me my medicine."

"Hm?"

Tears run down Kitty's cheeks. "Please, I want the withdrawal to end, I want you to drug me again, please."

Master grins. "Well of course! All you had to do was ask."

She comes to Kitty's side and gives them the pill. Puppy is so relieved she could cry.

"Now, we still have our project to work on-"

"Jane." Oh no. Bunny's going to do something stupid. "Can I talk to you in private for a moment?"

Master raises her eyebrows. "For a moment."

She walks out of the room instead of teleporting, and Bunny follows her.

They walk far enough away that she can't eavesdrop through the door, and she doesn't want to leave Kitty alone, so she doesn't know what Bunny and Master are talking about. Probably Bunny's insistence that Kitty won't go in the basement today.

Kitty has buried their face in their pillow, crying softly as they wait for the drug to kick in. Puppy has more trouble forcing the guilt down, this time.

She did what she had to do. She did…

It felt good. Horrible, but good too. She felt… powerful.

This is a dangerous habit to start. She hates herself so much it threatens to consume her, and she can't push it down no matter how hard she tries. She did what she had to. She didn't do because she thought it would feel good, she did it to keep Kitty alive. She did what she had to.

She grabs a pillow from Kitty's bed and joins them, trying to keep her crying quiet enough that it won't set off the collar.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! Five more chapters before the start of season 4 :)

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @thecosmicmap @quins-whump-stuff

@fuckcapitalismasshole

[anders-hawke]

EPILEPSY. as if i don't have enough going on...