#my brain refused to let me rest its one AM and im here writing it

[kakushino]

Meet cute

Tomioka Giyuu x Mer! GN! Reader

Nothing was more terrifying than having Death on your tail.

Tags: Modern AU, Mer AU (human char x mer reader) Word count: 489

Main Masterlist

AN: First in a series of drabbles/snippets of Mer AU I brainrotted with my friends hehe~ Water painted by Ivan Aivazovsky (1817 - 1900)

Nothing was more terrifying than having Death on your tail.

It was just your luck that a pod of Death happened upon your coral reef, and you had just offered your abode to a kind octopus with fries to her name.

Weaving between the kelp off the side of your reef seemed to have confused them enough to allow you to swim to the shallows. You knew that would hardly stop them, powerful fins and agile bodies giving them the ability to strike right to the tide line – no further, lest they beach themselves-

A high-pitched sound reached your ears, interrupting your current of thought, and your heart fell into your stomach.

You poured all your energy into speed. Time was of the essence, they were getting closer, you could hear them now. You were surrounded. The only way out was out.

With the last of your power, and what the shallow water allowed you, you slid up the sandbank, just barely at the high tide line.

It wouldn’t keep you safe.

Strange echo of waves spurred your panicked crawling up the sand – the surface broke, water crashed – your keening song short, cut off – scorching hot hands grabbed your biceps and pulled.

Your back stung in direct sunlight, dorsal fin flapping to the side uncomfortably, pelvic fins scratched up. The sand hurt against your scales as they dried against the heated ground, much quicker than what was natural, but it was better than being torn apart for sport by Death.

You didn’t even look at what pulled you ashore, just rolled up, up, up the beach away from Death. You caught the sight of it retreating to the waters, and shade covered you as the heated hands dropped your arms.

Now far on land, your gills stuck closed, and you breathed hard through your mouth. The adrenaline made your limbs shake. Mind scrambled, eyes searching the surface for the damned black fins that were sure to appear when a pod of Death was nearby.

Nothing.

The sand near your hands moved.

Your head whipped around to look at what – who – dragged you from your demise.

A beautiful human was at your side, its own breathing slowing down from the mad dash to freedom. Long dark hair - messy, as if seawater caused it to dry like that; ruddy blush high on his cheeks – from the sun? from helping you? Skin so light and bright, covered in salt from your home, sparkly even in the shade.

Its eyes opened and the colour of the sea stared back at you.

You were speechless. Had you seen such a mer back home, you would have stayed.

“What are you?” it spoke at last – or he? His voice was deeper than a female mer, so you would say it was a he. The information helped you none because you didn’t understand a lick of his human song.

Well, you beached yourself. Now what?

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment or reblog if you liked it :3

Legend: Death = orca / killer whale (TBA)

Networks: @enchantedforest-network @themovingcastlez

Honorary mentions: @starrierknight-main @aikugo @arlertdarling @mydarlingdahlia @glitchtricks94 (lmk if you want to be untagged)

THERE IS NO TAGLIST!

[satellitedarling]

ranting venting

warning its vile

suicide

suicide

suicide

suicidal ideations

no point in opening this unless you're stone hearted or looking to get hurt or feel bad

i had to get it off my chest

knowing that people will see this and judge me helps me right now

i want to make a freak show of myself

so what im feeling, its justified

and all the people I've tried so hard to cater to, to love and befriend

they will look at me in disgust and disgust and disgust

and they'll hate me

like the rotten, sour and most importantly jealous piece of shit i really am inside

and insult me

because that is what i am

that'll do it

ideation loneliness yearning for a saviour you name it

can someone i trust please just come to my home unprompted and without me asking, can they open the door to my room, can they walk towards me despite my silence and sour glare, can they tell me exactly what i need to hear to make my mood start stabilising again, can they hold me close and share their warmth, can they be, if for a few moments, a giant whose shoulders i can use to rest my head. please can they just take over, can they take control, just for a while, conduct my body like an orchestra, tell me exactly what to do, can they give me the freedom of letting go from this constant excessive control i have over the cells of my body, can they hold my waist and make my mind shut up, take that brain of mine and quash its habit of going into concentrated and obsessive spirals of thought that debilitate me and churn my mood for hours. can they tell me its okay. can they tell me that im allowed to let go. that im no machine and that they'll handle things for a while. can i stop being conscious for a while? go on some sort of human auto pilot? go to a small island in greece and disappear without leaving a trace other than my frantic drafts from when i hoped to write a book. let that be the end of me, even if its a let down, even if i could've left a lasting impact on the world, can i refuse to live up to that, can i just let it end here àd reminquish control of my body, let go of the chronic pressure that plagues my overly potent brain

fuck i need a hug, inexistant imaginary savior, dust of the stars compiled, i cant take being tough and independent anymore, no matter how much my friends say they find it admirable, if only they knew what it was like to have no choice but to simply do, if only they knew what it was like to be poor and working class and not living up to your academic potential because you tripped on every pebble on the uneven path to success and then ONLY after waking up at rock bottom getting diagnosed and slowly getting helped with all the things that made your prior academic career a living hell, leaving you in the dust of their achievements, my ultimatum to you, knock on my bedroom door and whisk me away to things better, or let me alone and i will relinquish this control that you could've had to whatever stands between the stars, im done being behind, being inferior, watching everyone get the things i worked so hard for but never got and nearly died over, and to see them enjoy things i have never and might never enjoy simply because they were born in the right place at the right time and with the right people. This is too much misfortune, it would've been one thing to leave it in the past a d get a second chance, but I'm still enduring the aftermath of my first apocalypse, my patience is running thin, and my sensitive heart can't take much more. enough of this

[duckieeart]

Victor’s - Moody Date

Hello! This is my entry for @little-butterfly-writes ‘s Contest . It’s my first time writing and I really enjoyed the process of it, enjoy reading this date!

Fandom: MLQC - Victor Li x Duckie (Mc)

Genre : jealousy jealousy jealousy , comfort , Filled with romance ( fluff)

Word count : 3,309

As If its not obvious enough to everybody.

I have feelings towards my boss, victor Li. I did fall in love with a person that I know i can’t reach even if i had him in my wildest dreams. I all i am wishing for is that no one know about these hidden feelings hoping that i will be able to maintain the decision i took and forget about him, But unfortunately things goes unplanned after I experienced certain feeling. jealousy .

If Kiki , Anna , the rest of my friends and colleagues found out about my secret feelings including the letters I wrote about victor secretly , I would get in big trouble , what letters you may ask? It’s simple. Basically, when i feel like I can’t control the love i feel towards him . I write down all my feelings in a letter and hide it somewhere , i got this idea from a movie i watched last year. At first , I haven’t thought not in a million years that I would use this idea and especially writing my unwanted feelings towards my CEO ,Aka victor li .

He was very strict and seemed to be very rude, i used to hate on him . He isn’t my type in men plus we’re completely different. Its not a big surprise since he is the CEO of an worldwide successful company ,LFG.

Just to clarify our differences. He made his company from the beginning meanwhile me, A young lady who inherited a show from her father once she Graduated from college. I didn’t even have an experience in life or the business field.

Everything were so difficult to me and it felt like an endless maze , the fact that I have him as my investor was like a miracle . Not only that but he really take good care of me . He is older in age , with a mature mindset . I am just young reckless, hesitant and inexperienced girl who just got a big position and so naive comparing to what she is responsible for .

I thought alot about giving up but victor make me change my mind and Instead of giving up he gave me the motivation to challenge him , i was in the mood to show him and prove to him that i can take the harsh responsibilities like an adult And be someone who is trust worthy enough to have his five hundred million investment in my show .

With time, i fall in love with him. And with everyday goes by it only grows bigger and bigger than the day before. The more i try to hide my feelings. The more it becomes obvious . When he confessed his feelings to me that day in the rooftop. I was beyond happy. I couldn’t sleep that day. But I quickly get back to the harsh reality, and remembered the huge gap between us, Victor deserve someone near to his position. Not me, comparing to him i am just a crybaby who rant about submitting reports and dealing with the deadlines every week .

But one day, I don’t know what’s goes inside my brain . I couldn’t even control my own body. When i found out that Victor would go to the awards banquet with another woman, I stopped thinking and I couldn’t care less about how weird i am behaving with my colleagues . In that night , i saw victor leaving the fancy banquet hall with another woman.

She looks way more mature and wiser than me. To put it in simple words she has everything i lack, and to my unfortunate luck. She does everything way better than me . And tonight , I witnessed My heart sinking in the ground. Its like i just got drenched in icy cold water in this snowy weather . I drank Alot . Wine, whiskey and even brandy . I couldn’t even recognize the bitterness in them . I just drink to be numb and ease my heart.

When the banquet came to an end ..

“ you two can head home first, its late . The weather is pretty today so i just want to walk and be alone for some time “ I spoke with a shaky voice tone, then left after grabbing my hand bag from the table.

“ whats wrong with our boss? She’s has been acting weird these few days especially today” Kiki spoke to anna.

Anna were worried as well , she just shrugs in confusion replying to kikis question.

“ i have never seen her like that before!” Anna added

“ it’s dangerous to let her be alone !, we can’t just leave her there! “ kiki said

“ she wanted time to get her self together, I think its very inappropriate for us to interrupt her wishes . * she smiled * Don’t worry minor would keep his eyes on her from afar “ Anna said while patting Kiki s shoulder gently to comfort her .

After leaving them. i rushed to the back beautiful garden to try and process everything happened tonight , the scenery were amazing but I couldn’t focus and appreciate it , I started regretting what i did, I shouldn’t push him away acting dumb and slow from the beginning. I love him more than anything, I admit i am very jealous and I don’t know how to deal with it because its my first time feeling this way about someone. I have never wanted someone as much I do for Victor.

These feelings were so exhausting to bear alone ,I was so hopeless that i even shared my story anonymously in tumbler with people but everyone advised me to stay away and forget about him for endless reasons. Yeah, they were right. But..

I also can’t… I CANT STOP LOVING HIM AND GIVE UP ON THIS . people wont have mercy on us and our relationship since we are a boss and worker in love but now seeing this . Realizing I might lose him forever. I don’t care, seeing him taking care of a random woman and accompanying her in the banquet really make me rethink about everything and even that thoughtful decision i took and was so confident about . I decided to head to the parking section for cars to follow them. I started running like crazy .

“GOD PLEASE PLEASE LET ME MAKE IT , PLEASE DONT LET THEM LEAVE TOGETHER ! . PLEASE.. I CANT LOSE HIM THIS TIME” i said begging .

I can lose anything and everything, but not him. I can’t lose Victor!

Because no one loved me like he did And I can’t imagine falling in love again with a different man.

Suddenly my foot slipped and i fall.

The expensive pair of high heel that i brought got ruined too. One of them broke But I couldn’t stop here! Im still in the middle of the way . My legs started be numb and it hurt a little because these shoes were new too , But I didn’t care, I can’t lose the path that can lead me to them! I still have to find Victor!

When i reached to the cars parking space , I couldn’t find them…

My nose suddenly started to burn and my eyes started sweating?, i decided to go back inside the banquet and sit . I couldn’t find chair there so I went to sit the corner on the stairs like a lost child. I started to cry heartily like a baby who lost her parents . But for me comparing to the baby I lost everything, I lost Victor..

My body is shaking and I couldn’t stop the thoughts in my mind. My mind went wild and started to even imagining how they would look together in the church . Kissing each other passionately after announcing them as a husband and wife. My heart suddenly started to beat so fast and I began to struggle breathing , while sobbing quietly.

Suddenly i felt a warm coat landed on my head, shoulders and has familiar manly scent ..

my face were swallowed, especially my eyes and nose. I was slow to react and realizing that this coat belongs to him…. And only him. Victor..

I felt strange feeling , i was happy and relieved that i was able to meet him again.. and that happiness give me strange feelings in my tummy . I believe that’s what they call “butterflies in the stomach” , I felt really warm. I don’t think it’s because of that coat. But him. Who give them his scent and body temperature

“ * sigh helplessly at the view* Dummy.. what are you doing here in this condition ? Don’t you know it’s dangerous area, especially in this hour? What if someone came for you ? Or even decided to kidnap you ,taking you away ? What are going to do? I searched everywhere for you and I couldn’t find you its like you weren’t in this earth from the beginning , WHERE THE HECK YOU WERE??? ………. But most importantly are you okay? Did something happen?……… Duckie , are you crying? “

my eyes couldn’t stop the tears from coming out when he were talking in such an sharp voice, he was really worried so he was furious to see me in such a state alone , but when he noticed that i was crying so hard, sniffing and wiping my eyes his voice turned so soft and calm

he grabbed my hands and hold them between his hands to warm them up

I refused to talk or face him because i wasn’t looking at my best right now, he just kneeled down to my level like prince charming and looked at me, he noticed how swallowed and red my face are.. he reached with his hands to hold my cheeks while massaging my under eyes

“ do they hurt A lot? “ he said quietly ,

I nodded while looking in the ground, my eyes fell upon his shoes trying to avoid his glare.

“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine too. Lets go home first … its getting late” he said..

I nodded because i was too tired to reply using sentences . I stand and remembered my broken heels and slightly injured foot.

Before I could explain, Victor carried me bridal style , I didn’t needed to explain anything. I felt warm , safe and happy, that I forget that I’m being held between his arms . I gave up to the warm sensation and fall asleep.

Victor put me in his car gently , wrapping my body with his big coat then went to grab hot tea and body warmers from the super market near by.

i took some time to wake up, when i wake up i was still in his car , the car was really warm. I didn’t find Victor on the driver seat so i looked outside.

i saw him tapping on his tablet working and answering calls . I also noticed that we’re near the sea and its 12am . I took my time appreciating the view , then i knocked at the window. Victor saw me and returned to the car.

“ you wake up, how do you feel now ? “ he asked with a soft voice

“ i am better now , sorry for making a scene back there. I was really upset about something so i was drunk , angry and upset thats why I decided to be alone , sorry i worried you and caused you trouble “i said while looking into his eyes.

“ dummy… And why did you drink? “ he said angrily ..

“ please don’t be mad i was just so upset, can’t you just allow me to drink only this time?” I said

“ yes, i am angry at you… but also glad to see you safe and better. After all , i can’t ask for more from dummy like you” victor said then poked the tip of my nose lightly with his fingers , after that he patted my head gently, smiling at me .

“ its late, let’s head home” he said

After few minutes driving i realized that we are in different path and its unfamiliar to me.

“ where are we going “ i asked hesitantly ..

“ to My home” he said

“ to your home??”

“Well, only if your apartment was nearby like my home. Its late already, just sleep tonight in my house” he said calmly

I nodded in agreement.

After few minutes we arrived.

Victor opened the door for me , i entered inside . His home was big but also felt so warm and cozy . Victor turned to face me “ go and take a hot shower, then dry your hair. Don’t get cold. I asked them to prepare you clothes. If you need anything ask me “ he said

i went to the room. It was big as expected and has a fancy bathtub. After i finished showering and preparing for bed. When i was about to head to sleep, I suddenly heard knocks on my door .

“Get in “ i said

The door was opened and it was victor, he was wearing his classic black pjs

“ as expected, you didn’t even dry your hair yet you headed to sleep anyways“ he said..

“What if you get cold?” He added

He went to grab a hairdryer from the drawer . Then turned to face me

“ come here” he said

I understand what he want so i sit and give him my back. He started to dry my hair, touching my hair so gently. After he finished drying my hair he took a hair tie and started to tie my hair.

“ there’s something I wanted to say to you” he said

“ hmm? “ I replied

“ i will get to the point “ he said

“ I might not know what exactly that got you so bothered like that , but you must know that there are a lot of circumstances in the world that are out of our control. The causes and reasons behind every circumstance is complicated. In a world where it’s impossible to know everything, it’s normal that we experience things we cannot understand and find difficult to accept. Even so, we have to accept it. There are many ways to accept it. Crying is also one of them. However, only for one night. ( he took my hand that was planning on reaching my face)…. And don’t rub your eyes, it will be better if you leave it and take a good sleep “ he added .

After leaving, he leaned to kiss my head .

“ good night “ he said

“ wait! “ i said

His eyes locked into mine , waiting for me to say what I want to say.

“ why did you went to the banquet, with her? “ i couldn’t stop my curiosity so i asked him .

He chuckled quietly then pinned my chin forcing me to look at him..

“ you jealous? “ he said

A bold idea came up to me ,

“Yes..i am! “ I didn’t wasted time and answered his question seriously.

He was frozen in his place , stopped chuckling and has a surprised face expression .

I gathered all my courage to say the three most difficult words ..

“ i love you victor! “ i said , while looking into his face..

then reached to his face and give him a quick peck on his lips ..

“ don’t make me feel this way again, I hate it !“ i said and then went for another kiss . But He didn’t kiss me back , still surprised by my bold move.

“ when i saw how you looked to her when she was talking to you . You were smiling while and looking into her eyes , I wondered if you ever started to lose your feelings towards me , i was really scared of losing you.. i even started to imagine how you would look in your groom suit .. standing beside her in front of everyone… i was so scared “ my voice cracked at the end.. i felt the tears forming in my eyes

“ I really… really don’t want to lose you . I did my research about her, She won countless times and even has the f-“ my speech were cut off with his hot kiss .

He closed his eyes and rested his one hand on the back of my head and the other on my neck.

He pulled his lips away from mine when he noticed how i was struggling to breathe.

“ … you talk too much” he said while maintaining his sharp eyes on me.

“Since when you had these thoughts on that little brain of yours? Instead of using it on useless things, apply this effort and worry about your unfinished weekly report instead. You thought I haven’t noticed how distracted you were ?“ Victor said.

“ relax dummy , Lili is just an older sister to me. She asked if i can company her since her husband on business trip outside china. Lili is busy in work but also dealing with three kids at the same time. I was just helping her manage the deal she had with SJ company , you don’t have to worry that little head of yours on such matters “ victor added.

“ Duckie, i searched for you, and luckily after 10017 years i was able to meet you again. The little head of yours could never imagine how bad I wanted to see that silly smile of yours again. I waited for so long , and you better make it up to me. In other words , Be mine” victor said , while holding my left cheek and went for another breathless kiss ..

“ i —-love —-you——-, Dummy “ he said between his kisses ..

“ don’t close your eyes, look at me when iam talking to you. You know that i love when you’re bold with me, right?” he said smiling at me then slightly biting my lower lip ..

“I was so happy when i met you, in the end of the banquet . I thought you went with her“ i said while having a big silly smile on my face

“ There is only one thing you should be happy about……. It has always been you and only you” he said while looking at my eyes and holding my hot blushing cheeks in his big hand .

After making out sessions for straight two hours , he lay me down on the bed pulling the quilt over my body.

“ go to sleep, and NEVER think about theses useless matters . if you want to ask me something Just ask me directly ... Goodnight dummy” he said ..

“Good night” i replied softly

He smiled then give me a final forehead kiss and went outside the room after dimming the lights ..

In the next day i went to LFG to submit my weekly report , suddenly i received a call from Kiki

“ boss, i made a surprise for you!! you are going to thank me for it . Don’t overthink about it, and just enjoy the surprise” she said while giggling in mischievous manner.

She closed the call, i was nervous and curious at the same time but I didn’t pay much attention on that because I didn’t have much time left, i have weekly report to submit! . I hurried to victors office and luckily I arrived on time but I found my secret love letters has been opened on victors office already and he had one of them on his hand , taking his time reading it while drinking his coffee ..

he noticed me standing near the door , surprised and embarrassed . Victor smirked in anticipation

“ You have a lot of explainings to do , Producer Duckie “ he said while giving me smirky face

what a Great start to my day.

The End

Thank you for reading, see you next time!

[quokkacore]

son of wolves I [park chanyeol & byun baekhyun]

for @imsoba​, who asked for an angsty, fluffy enemies to lovers au. merry christmas from your secret santa! written for the @exolssecretsanta​ gift exhange.

summary:  your entire life, you've fought bravely to defend the walls of your home from the evil forest spirits of the spearwood trying to destroy it, alongside your family, friends, and your betrothed, baekhyun. until you're infected by the evil that resides in one of these spirits, and you run away from home, before it can spread to those around you. it's in your exile, wandering through the spearwood that you meet the wolf prince, a tall man of hardened eyes, few words, and a fiery temperament, raised by these spirits you've so grown to resent. it's here that you begin to question everything you've ever known, and wonder whether the evil was out here, in the forest, or inside the walls of a place you once called home.

pairings: hunter!baekhyun x reader, wolfprince!chanyeol x reader

genre: reverse princessmononoke!au, angst, fluff, slow burn, enemies to lovers, fantasy epic, slow burn, war au, wolf!au

warnings for this chapter: violence, animal attacks, mild descriptions of gore, mild body horror(?), can you tell i did my best to avoid calling them tentacles but there are only so many times i can use the words “coils” and “tendrils”, language, subtle emotional manipulation, reader feels VERY violent urges but they’re not too descriptive, hypothermia maybe?, intentional starvation for purposes of wilderness survival, chanyeol is kind of aggressive and intimidating, SO MUCH worldbuilding im srry, VERY precarious (and probably inaccurate) medical procedures performed by the reader, chanyeol is a slob but hes literally feral so??

song recs: ateez - hala hala // stevie nicks - rooms on fire // the weeknd - until i bleed out // joe hisaishi - departure (to the west) // howard shore & billy boyd - the sacrifice of faramir + to the edge of night // jorja smith - i am 

word count: 11.5k

a/n: first of all, i want to apologize a little bit to the person this was meant for. i meant to write this in two parts, but due to external factors, i’m going to have to split it into three. i hope you like it <3 second of all, i think i strayed a bit from the original source material, but i hope u guys can enjoy it regardless!! merry christmas to everyone, this is a gift to my followers as well. 

main masterlist  // story masterlist

chapter one: the bite

It was supposed to be a routine patrol just outside the perimeter of Ironbend. You hadn’t been expecting the beasts and the rider to ambush the two of you in such a way. One moment you and Baekhyun were eyeing the treeline, the next the wolves were running up on you, and your reindeers were taking off, attempting to lead them away from the village. 

“Get the others!” Baekhyun called to you, running between the trees, “I’ll lead them away from the wall!”

You nodded, directing the reindeer to veer away from the chase. You looked back, eyeing Baekhyun warily before he and his reindeer disappeared further into the trees, the sound of howling getting further and further away. 

But the sound of large paws against the forest floor did not. Knowing what was coming, you turned, aiming the arrow you’d nocked earlier in your bow, and met eyes with the beast that had been chasing you. 

Immediately, you knew that this beast was different. Its running pattern was erratic, as if it were tired but still euphoric, and you could see a wound on its neck, staining its fur a dark color. Not red, but almost black. You let the arrow fly at it, grazing its side, but it didn’t growl. Its sneer grew bigger, but no growl or snarl left its mouth. You faced frontwards again, watching as you came closer to the treeline, the wall of Ironbend coming into view. 

“THE WOLVES!” You shouted towards the men on the parapets, standing guard, “GET THE RIDERS, THE WOLVES ARE—!”

The bite came both expectedly and unexpectedly, the wolf pouncing on you and knocking you off of your reindeer. You tumbled onto the ground, pinned down by the white wolf, feral and mad. The way your head fell against the ground, plus the cold snow left you disoriented and dizzy. Expectedly and unexpectedly, because in a fight like this, you always expect there to be injuries, maybe even casualties. But deep down, on a subconscious level, you never really expect it to be you. 

Humans cling to hope, and sometimes end up having it pried from their cold, dead hands. No matter how hopeless things become, everyone always has a “maybe”, or a “what if”. And today, your “maybe” had turned sour. Out of nowhere, the white beast had locked its maw around your arm, and was thrashing you back and forth. You could feel an intense pain in your arm as its teeth broke your skin and attempted to rip off your limb. In your disorientation, you began to panic, your other arm trying to beat the animal off of you. You pulled at its fur, and threw punches, but what seemed to distract it enough was when you tugged at the wound, and managed to stick a few fingers inside, gripping whatever was in the wound.

The beast reared back as it let out a pained cry and then a ferocious snarl. You managed to scoot back at least a little bit, putting some distance between you and the wolf, and grabbed the bow, which you had dropped as you fell.

Blood was dripping down your marred arm, and in those seconds that seemed to pass like an eternity, you realized that the wolf’s saliva was, for some reason, a thick, semi translucent black color. 

I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die. 

The scent of the beast’s rancid blood pierced your nose and the sound of other men shouting were the sensations you could feel around you, but not before you felt something inside of you, a deep, masculine voice echoing in your head.

Your hate infected me, the voice growled, now my hate will infect you, and you will die the same way I will: slowly, painfully and overtaken by rage.

Then the voice was ripped from your head, the same way the beast was ripped away from you as the other riders came to your rescue. You were picked up by one of them, thrown onto his reindeer behind him, and you gripped on tightly to his shirt with your uninjured arm as he turned his reindeer sharply to follow after the wolf, which was most likely returning to its pack, towards the sounds of shouting, howling, and gunshots.

“Are you okay?” He asked loudly, and you recognized the voice instantly. 

“I think so,” You answered Jongdae over the wind, “I’m hurt pretty badly, but nothing Yixing can’t fix.”

With some difficulty, huffing in pain as you did so, you reached for another arrow, nocking it into your bow in preparation to let it fly at another wolf. Jongdae’s reindeer followed the wolf in its tracks, and stopped when you ran through the trees and stumbled across the fight. The wolves were incessant in their snarling and attempts to trample the riders and their reindeers, but your eyes ignored them despite the chaos, falling to Baekhyun, who was now off of his reindeer, his sword pulled out, dodging the rider’s dagger. You could see the anger on Baekhyun’s face, his chest heaving.

You couldn’t see the rider’s face. You never could whenever they attacked. All you knew was that he was significantly taller than Baekhyun, and that his hands were tanned and littered with scars. His face was covered by a red mask, back covered by the pelt of a white wolf, neck accented by a necklace of sharp teeth from different animals. His simple clothes were black, hiding the rest of his body. The man moved aggressively, grunting as he played the offense, repeatedly trying to stab your lover. 

You sneered and let your arrow fly, catching him right in his right shoulder blade, piercing through his clothes. The man stopped, groaning in pain, back arching in pain. He was barely able to dodge Baekhyun, who had taken the hit as an opening for him to strike with his sword. The rider stepped back, letting out a loud whistle before getting onto the largest wolf. He whistled again, and the other wolves began to retreat, dodging the large metal bullets that rained down on them from the guns of the other soldiers.

When the silence settled, Baekhyun’s eyes settled on you, and then he was running towards you and Jongdae, eyes flashing in alarm as he saw the mangled flesh of your arm. 

“What happened to you?” He asked, voice loud and concerned. 

“The wolf that came after me knocked me off my reindeer,” You replied, suddenly feeling lightheaded as the adrenaline began to wear off, “Bit me pretty bad.”

He looked up at you, then to Jongdae.

“Get her to Yixing. Now.”

“The bite left her cursed.”

Murmurs broke out amongst the council of leaders, and you felt your eyes flutter shut at Yixing’s tone. Normally soft and gentle, now his tone was loud as he spoke to the ten members of the council, and you could tell he was angry.

“What do you mean cursed?” Your father, head of the council, asked. 

“The beast was infected with hatred,” The healer explained, “Hatred of that kind stems from war and festers in ways we mortals cannot comprehend. As he’s a demigod, one of the sons of Selyne, it will most likely turn him into a demon.” 

“One of our finest female warriors cursed by a descendant of that wretched she-wolf,” The head of war huffed, her eyes settled on the bandages of your injured arm. “How will the curse work on Y/N?”

“It will manifest as dark magic.” Yixing’s voice was low, and you felt Baekhyun’s hand tighten around your own uninjured one. “It will harm her and those around her when it does, and it will slowly spread through her body. It will kill her when it reaches her heart, or her brain—whichever it reaches first.”

You looked up. “But there has to be a cure,” You quipped, “I can’t die. I refuse to.”

“Y/N.” Yixing’s eyes were sympathetic. “There isn’t. I hate to say this to you, but this is a death sentence. By my estimates you have at best, a month and a half.”

“Can we at least slow it down, hyung?” Baekhyun asked, voice pained. Your eyes squeezed shut at the slight desperation in his voice. “Make it less painful?” “Make it less painful, maybe. Slow it down… I don’t think I can, Baek. I’m sorry.”

You watched him nod, jaw clenching, the hand atop yours clenching slightly. “There has to be something,” You insisted. “What about the story of the wounded warrior—”

“Y/N, that’s a myth.” Your father’s tone was both sympathetic at your insistence, but also angered by your refusal to accept the truth. “And besides, that myth originated centuries ago, before we took hold of our destinies and left The Spearwood to build Ironbend.”

“Do you really think the Pillars of the Forest—do you think Emyr, the proud fool that he is, would heal you as he did the wounded warrior, after three centuries of war against his kingdom? After all of the weapons we’ve created, all the soldiers of his we’ve gotten rid of, ”

“Emyr asked the warrior for a sacrifice, then. I could negotiate something with him, and—”

“And what? What if he asks to give up our weapons, to leave The Spearwood be after everything it’s done to us, so that we may be overrun? Y/N, you may be one of our finest warriors, and you may be my daughter, but I refuse to sacrifice one life over all of Ironbend.”

“Send me on my own, then, papa, but I can’t just—”

“Enough.” His tone was final, and you inhaled sharply as you attempted to control the shaking in your arms. 

“You will stay here. And I promise we will do our best to make the rest of your life something for you to look fondly upon when you pass.”

“It’s bullshit,” You growled, blinking back tears as you sat on the bed in the cabin you shared with Baekhyun. “There’s a perfectly good possibility and they won’t even let me try.”

“Y/N, my love,” Baekhyun whispered, coming to kneel between your legs so he could cup your face, “It’s a suicide mission. Going into The Spearwood, of all places, in the dead of winter, to find those four gods and ask them to heal one of their enemies, I… you have to admit, it doesn’t sound logical. If the cold doesn’t kill you, then Selyne and her children certainly will.”

His hand came to rub at your cheek, nose nuzzling against yours, and you knew he was right. 

In the beginning, when man was just another animal, the ancestors of Ironbend lived in The Spearwood, ruled over by the four Pillars of the Forest: Selyne, the wolf goddess, warden of the forest, Beval, the eagle god, keeper of the weather, Mirren, the bear goddess, guardian of families, and Emyr, the deer god, king of the gods, and ruler of the forest. Over time, humans became smarter: they realized they could build things with their hands that animals could not, and they grew proud enough to rally together and leave The Spearwood and the kingdom of the gods to build something permanent: Ironbend. 

The forest exodus triggered a seemingly endless war, which had been going on for over three hundred years. For three hundred years, your ancestors had attempted to destroy the gods’ uncivilized way of life, to end Emyr’s tyranny and extend Ironbend across all of the Spearwood, so that it would finally be gone.

If the gods were as ruthless as they said, Emyr would never heal you when you were a part of the threat to their archaic way of life.

“Baek, I…” You whispered shakily, eyes fluttering shut. “I can’t die like this. I-I can’t. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. W-we were supposed to get married, and we were going to lead the council, and have children, and raise them to end the war, and then… Baekhyun, do you really want to give that up?”

“You think I want to give that up?” Baekhyun snapped, leaning away from you. “What, you think I want to watch you die a slow and painful death, and not do a thing about it? I—” 

He caught himself when he saw the tears streaming down your face, and your injured arm shaking. You couldn’t explain the despair, the anger that washed over you, but you could see the injured skin warping and growing beneath the bandages. You felt the bandages tighten against your skin as it grew, and you grasped your injured forearm with your other hand to hold it back, because all you felt was the urge to hurt, and you wouldn’t live with yourself if you ended up hurting Baekhyun, the man who made you laugh and feel emotions you had never felt before, who had persisted to push himself up the class ladder because he wanted to be with you and help those around him. 

Not him, not your Baek.

He stepped back cautiously as you took deep breaths, trying to ignore the sudden black liquid oozing slowly out from underneath the bandages, staining them dark and dirty. You began to count, and counted for an eternity, only stopping at 136 before you felt the urge dissipate, burrowing back beneath the skin it had attempted to break free from.

“Are you alright?” Baekhyun’s tone was cautious, and you opened your eyes to find that he was eyeing your arm warily. You nodded. “Better. I just… need to remain calm.” 

He groaned and ran a hand over his face before pushing his hair back. “Shit, my love, I… I would march into that forest right now if I knew for sure that it would save you. But the truth of the matter is I don’t know, and neither do you, and chances are that it wouldn’t. No one has seen Emyr in a hundred years, and even if he showed himself to you, he would likely have you executed for treason.” 

When you didn’t respond, his hands fell to yours, bringing them to his chest. You spread out your fingers, feeling the fabric of his cream drawstring shirt and the firm muscle beneath it.

Your eyes fell on the pendant he’d always worn: a small opal on a gold chain, which had been his father’s. Noticing your gaze, he reached behind his neck, unclasping it and placing it around your neck.

 His eyes were desperate, voice breathless and slightly panicky. “Stay here, with me, Y/N. Where it’s warm, and y-you’re surrounded by people who love you, and we can be happy before you die. We can rush the wedding, I don’t care if it’s a big affair or not. If it means you spend the rest of your life with me, it would make me the happiest man in the world, and I promise I would make you feel loved until the end of your days.”

Your forehead fell against his, and his eyes fluttered shut. “I’m already on my knees, my love. Please don’t make me beg any further.”

“Baek…” You whispered, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath your fingertips. “Hold me, please.”

He nodded, quickly making his way onto the bed, ready to console you, not despite what just happened but in spite of it—he knew you were just as frightened as he was, because he knew you like the back of his hand. The argument was forgotten, and suddenly you were resting on Baekhyun’s chest, listening to him hum a lullaby to you. You let your tears stain his shirt, and he pressed kisses to your hair between beats, until the soft melody lulled you to sleep, dreaming of nothing, basking in the warmth of the arms of your betrothed.

When you awoke, you found that Baekhyun had blown out the candle on your nightstand, because your room was now dark. He was asleep beneath you,  snoring softly. He looked so relaxed now that he was resting. During most of the day, his face was pulled into a grim frown, as the council met to discuss serious strategies and the needs of the people of Ironbend.

He hadn't always been that way. Even now, occasionally bits and pieces of who he was when you had first fallen in love—the brightest, funniest boy you had ever met—shone through. He could still make you and your friends laugh until your stomachs ached, but now that you were all adults, and it was time to take the war from your parents' hands, all of you had grown more serious, and pushed aside the time to simply enjoy life and each other.

You were 11 when you met Baekhyun, himself 13. You met at the training academy in the town, meant to teach children the basics: how to read and do math, the history of Ironbend and the war, . He had been a year older, and wont to make everyone laugh. 

He helped you with your sword fighting skills, and in return, you helped him with his archery skills. A steady friendship bloomed, despite the fact that you were the head councilman's daughter, and Baekhyun was the child of a woman who ran away when he was a baby to be with her lover, and the town drunk. Baekhyun was crafty, however, and as he grew into a young man, he used his wits, natural charm and skill to climb the ranks. 

It also helped that he invented the first prototype for the shoulder guns.

He had always been good at making things, and his prototype for the shoulder guns, small cannons loaded with large iron bullets made from the metal extracted in the mines, were what began to give the town an upper hand against the ambushes the creatures of the forests made. And for him, it was what landed him in junior council, along with all of his other abilities.

You thought of Baekhyun, and the look in his eyes when the curse kicked in. The quake in his voice when he begged you to stay. How much it was hurting him to see you like this, to know you would die. Your hand drifted to the necklace he had placed around your neck, a silent promise.  

What, you think I want to watch you die a slow and painful death, and not do a thing about it?

Except there was a thing to do about it. 

The wounded warrior was a story your grandmother had told you as a child—everyone knew the story as a testament to Emyr’s cruelty. The wounded warrior had gone to the deer god as he began to die from an infected wound, and begged him for a cure, so he could live to see his children and his wife. And while Emyr took pity on him, he asked him for something in return: fifteen years of loyalty, of servitude. 

True to his word, the warrior did as he asked—he tended to the god’s every whim and desire, for fifteen long, grueling years. Fifteen years that, for an immortal, passed by in the blink of an eye, but for a human, were, well… fifteen years. When the warrior finally returned home, he found his wife had died believing he had died after disappearing for so long, and his children, now grown, were resentful of having grown up without a father. The warrior lived a full life, to a ripe old age, but it was a lonely one, for he had no wife or children to take care of him or keep him company.

And finally, you thought of the rider, of the odd red and gold mask that haunted both your dreams and Baekhyun’s. There were no towns around for miles, not unless you passed through the mountains, in the opposite direction of the Spearwood, and no child in Ironbend had gone missing and remained unfound for over eighty years. The man looked too young and had moved with too much energy to be 90 years old. 

Your puffy eyes fluttered shut, listening to Baekhyun’s steady heartbeat.

...And not do a thing about it?

Except there was something to do about it. And while your chances were slim, there was always a chance. 

Slowly, you lifted yourself off of Baekhyun’s chest and sat next to him on the bed, admiring his features as he slept. The bridge of his round nose, the moles on his face, the apples of his cheeks. 

Oh, how you would miss him.

Baekhyun was a pretty heavy sleeper, but you still took great care to dress quietly, pulling on a warm shirt, thick pants and a cloak, along with a pair of winter gloves. You grimaced pulling them on, as you used your injured hand, the skin swollen and irritated, pain prickling every time you flexed your fingers or your wrist. Your heart never ceased pounding.

Next, you grabbed a satchel and went to the kitchen, packing a loaf of bread, some jam, a few strips of dried meats, and some fruit. You could find water in the streams, you figured. 

Quietly, you set your bow and quiver next to the satchel on the floor, and hurried to find some ink and a scroll of paper. As you looked, a glint of silver out of the corner of your eye caught your attention. 

It was one of Baekhyun’s many swords, still partially sheathed, propped up against the wall. Smaller, a bit more lightweight. He didn’t use it much precisely because of that—he preferred something heavier, that could bring down more force. You thought of the rider and his knife, and how you would most likely end up injured if he came close to you; a bow and arrow is only so good up close. You swallowed a lump in your throat, quietly picking it up. Glancing at the bedroom doorway, where you could still see Baekhyun asleep on the bed, dark hair tousled, you took a deep breath, before tying the sheath’s leather band around your waist, securing it tightly. 

Blinking back tears, hands shaking, you wrote down a brief letter.

Baekhyun, my love, 

Please forgive me for what I'm about to do. I can't sit here and die when I know there's at least a chance. Life will find a way. Love will find a way. I will find a way. I will do everything possible to find my way back to you, safe and sound. Don't look for me. It's dangerous enough as it is in The Spearwood, and now with the chance that I might hurt you as well… If these truly are my final days, I want you to remember as I am, and not as what the curse will turn me into.

You shine brighter than the stars, Baek. Please don't stop doing so, ever. That shine will lead me back to you even on the darkest of nights.

Forever yours,

Y/N

Tiptoeing, you set down the weathered paper on your side of the bed, before looking at Baekhyun one last time. Carefully, you leaned over him, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“No matter what happens, we’ll see each other again,” You whispered against his skin, “And after you're done yelling at me, I’ll kiss you the way you deserve.”

Escaping was an easy feat when you knew the standard night patrol route—even easier when you were the one who wrote them. Carrying all of your things, you made your way to the stables, the moon your only source of light. 

There was no one in the stables, which made saddling up Ivan, your reindeer, easier. In the silence as you worked hastily, you began to doubt your actions. Go back, a voice whispered somewhere in the back of your mind, stay with your family, stay with Baekhyun. Hold him tight and don't let go until you die. Kiss him like it will free you from the curse, even though it won't. Be happy. Make them happy.

Your eyes drifted down to the bandage, which you had changed right before leaving, feeling the slight throb of your skin. You were reminded of the things that hung in the balance—or rather, imbalance. The unfairness of it all. Yes, life was unfair, but here you had a chance to take at least something back.

And so you didn’t go back. You continued to saddle up the reindeer, slinging the bag over its side, and finally, you left the stable, and quietly made your way towards one of the side gates. You knew the main gate was the one most heavily guarded, and that the side gates were generally more lax. Given the position of the moon in the sky, which was slowly being covered by clouds, you could also tell that the guards’ shift would be ending, and there would be a brief period where the gate was left unattended.

With baited breath, you waited, holding the large creature’s harness in your uninjured hand, watching from behind a corner as the guards stood at their posts. For about ten minutes, your heart pounding in your chest the entire time, you watched the parapets, and then turned to look at the alleyway you were hiding in. You did your best to hold your breath when you peeked around the corner, knowing that the condensation could give you away if they happened to look your way.

Finally, the two guards walked away, mumbling to each other as they did, and you took this as your cue. You led your reindeer to the gate, and pulled off the thick iron plank that locked the gate, careful to not make a noise. 

When it was open, you hopped onto the reindeer, nudged him slightly, and he slowly walked into the treeline. You looked down at the snow, and hoped that the dark would hide the trail until it started to snow. 

You rode on Ivan’s back for hours, until the darkness started to slowly fade. Somewhere during that time, it had started to snow. Now, the forest floor was covered with a fresh sheet of snow, that looked a shade of light blue rather than white, now during the twilight. During that span of time, as you rode on deeper and deeper into the forest, you realized the sheer magnitude of it. The stories the village elders had told you and the other children to keep away from the woods, and stay inside of the walls: that the servants of the gods were large creatures with sharp white teeth and long nasty claws, that the Spearwood was alive, and knew that humans had abandoned it, so it tricked travelers into going in circles—no matter how close the treeline seemed to be, you could walk for hours and never cross it because of the Spearwood’s magic, playing tricks on your eyes until you succumbed to the cold, or dehydration, or hunger.

Paranoia was trickling its way into your head, albeit slowly. As you stopped to let Ivan rest, you pulled out a piece of cured meat, chewing it until your jaw was sore as Ivan dug his hooves into the snow, only stopping when he found a patch of grass to chew on. You looked up at the sky, and then in all four directions. You knew that the mountains opposite the Spearwood were towards the north, and by going north you would eventually leave the forest and find Ironbend, but currently, with the snowfall and the clouds, you had no idea which way that was.

But you didn’t plan on returning until you knew for sure the gods would listen to you. 

Apparently, the gods weren’t very keen on listening.

Onward you went for days, panic slowly kicking in as you realized that you had no way of actually knowing in which direction you were headed. You seemed to be riding Ivan in circles, and the silence of the forest, save for the sound of Ivan’s hooves against the snow, was beginning to drive you to madness. Every few hours you switched between walking on him and riding, taking quick breaks every time you decided to switch. The isolation was quickly becoming too much to handle. 

You thought of your friends, of your family, of Baekhyun, of everything said that night before you left. You didn’t want to imagine what was happening back home, but you couldn’t help it, what with walking around all day and not having anything to do. 

You knew that your parents must have been heartbroken, and that your friends would likely be losing their minds. But you knew that you were doing what felt right.

You had packed enough small snacks to last you about three weeks if you rationed correctly, but you felt as though you were constantly running on empty, never fully satisfied. You drank water every time you came past streams or snowmelts, because you didn’t know when you would find one again, cupping your hands together and drinking until you were practically full, fingers pained from the freezing water and your throat sore. 

The falling snow would stop periodically, and then start up again. Not very heavy, but not precisely light either. Your face became perpetually cold, your fingers cramped harshly to the point when you would wince in pain when you needed to change your bandages.

The falling snow would stop periodically, and then start up again. Not very heavy, but not precisely light either. Your face became perpetually cold, your fingers cramped harshly to the point when you would wince in pain when you needed to change your bandages.

The wound was getting worse. The curse was beginning to spread. Initially, while it had started at the bite mark in the middle of your forearm, it was now making its way to your elbow and wrist. The tissue seemed to be turning necrotic as well, secreting a sort of mucous substance that was black. The smell was bearable when you had the bandage on, but every time you took them off to change them your eyes watered and you had to hold back the urge to gag. 

When night fell, you slept on Ivan, who was pretty comfortable in the cold, laying down in it and laying against the trees. You had never realized just how dark the world could be without lanterns to light your way, and your small oil lantern barely illuminated anything. It did well warming your hands though, which would cramp when they felt the heat.

Worst of all, the deeper you went into the forest, the more it felt like you were being watched. Which was odd, because you saw no animals. None at all, which only served to put you on edge more. 

The first two days it seemed fine, but after that, it changed. Now that you knew that you were well and truly on your own, the crisp winter air felt tense. Even Ivan became a bit skittish, and you felt bad for bringing your innocent reindeer into such a stressful situation. You were on edge all hours of the day now, eyes darting from side to side always, ears straining as you listened for something, anything. It was as if the whole forest was holding its breath, waiting to release its wrath on you. 

Three more days passed before it finally did.

They came when you came across a lake in the middle of the afternoon, seemingly unfrozen. You got off of Ivan, an odd sensation pooling in your gut as you approached the crystal clear body of water. Oddly enough, you felt at peace, and for the first time in days, the striking silence was comforting. Now, instead of feeling like the forest was holding its breath anxiously, almost angrily, it felt as if it was holding its breath in anticipation.

The water was clear as day and seemed to span for miles. Trees grew out of the depths, and in the center, a small island emerged out of it. When you focused on the island, you felt your eyes widen—there was no snow on it at all. Quite the contrary, actually. It was a lush, beautiful green, with a blossoming tree smack in the middle of it. For such a small island, you were certain it was the brightest green you’d ever seen.

Your dry throat almost burned in anticipation as you kneeled. At this point, it had been about a day since you had last come across water, and your head was starting to ache. When you dipped your fingers in, you gasped. The water wasn’t freezing like it had been in the other streams you came across, nor was it cold. It was tepid, bordering on lukewarm. It felt kind, it felt welcoming, and while the setting lured you into a sense of security, you couldn’t help but feel as if this was wrong, because it was a lake, in a dangerous forest. It couldn’t welcome you, not at all.

That snapped you out of your trance, and you turned just in time to face the rider as he tackled you to the ground, pinning you down against the snow, the sudden cold causing your back to arch. You were vaguely aware of Ivan being startled, and the sound of growling somewhere off to your left, but you were more preoccupied by the red mask hovering above you, and the dagger about to come down on your face. You grabbed the man by his wrists, arms straining with effort as your injured arm flared in pain, wrenching a guttural cry from your lips.  

You pulled him forward, causing him to lose his balance and topple next to you. You took your chance, straddling his chest and knocking the dagger out of his hand with a kick. You pinned his arms down, before pulling off the mask swiftly, sneering at him.

But you stopped when you saw his face.

Somehow, you found yourself entranced; for his features were contorted into rage and pain but you had never seen such a beautiful person. His eyes were large and round, a deep dark brown. His plump lips were curled into a harsh sneer. He had painted three long triangles across his face with what appeared to be dried blood: one below each of his eyes, the third one in the middle of his forehead, ending beneath his eyebrows. 

His large ears, hidden beneath black, shaggy hair, gave him an elfish look. He was wearing large, white, circular earrings.. Beneath you, you could tell he was pure muscle, large and beefy to the point where it left you reeling because, oh, gods, how can one man be so big?

He took the chance and flipped you over, a groan leaving your throat when your head hit the ground hard, but saw an opening quickly and lifted your leg to knee him in the groin. He toppled over, groaning in pain, and for one final time, you found the roles reversed. On top of him, you unsheathed Baekhyun’s sword, ready to subdue the rider. You pressed the blade to his neck, poising yourself to speak—

When one of the wolves grabbed you by the collar of your cloak, dragging you away from him. The wolf stilled even though you continued to struggle against it. You could feel your injured arm bleeding beneath the bandages, and the subtle tremors riding throughout it as you watched the rider stumble to his knees, picking up the sword, and crawling towards you.

He did the same you had done and pressed the blade to your neck, breath heaving from his chest, air puffing into the cold. If he had been angry before, now he was furious, and while a small side of you felt the urge to cower back in fear, you could feel one side of your body heating up slowly, a sensation you hadn’t felt in over a week slowly making its way back into your system.

“Why are you here?” His deep, menacing tone didn’t sound like much of a question, but rather an accusation. 

“Take me to Emyr,” You demanded immediately. “I need to speak with him.”

He blinked. For a second, he seemed taken aback, almost offended. But then his features hardened again, and he pressed the iron even further into your neck. It didn’t break the skin but you felt a sting against your windpipe, grimacing at the sensation. Your fingers curled into fists, your entire body trembling now as you felt something moving underneath the bandages, beneath your very flesh.

“Don’t tell me what to do, human,” He spat, “This is not your forest.”

The wolf behind you growled, and you felt it one last time: the urge to hurt, the urge to kill, a feeling of absolute hatred. This time, as opposed to the first time, you didn’t hold it in, and you didn’t count. When the black goo oozed from your skin, turning the air rancid, you didn’t gag, but rather embraced it. 

And a split second later, just as the man had lowered his gaze to where the smell was coming from, his eyes widening at the bandages stained black, it was too late. 

This being only the second time you had felt it, and this being the first time you didn’t restrain it, you weren’t fully sure what you were expecting. But you most certainly weren’t expecting your arm to bend into a shape it wasn’t supposed to bend into, in a direction it wasn’t supposed to go. And you definitely weren’t expecting black, slimy tendrils to break your skin, pushing the man away with so much force that his back pushed itself into a tree. He yelled out in pain, clutching at his right shoulder. 

The violent coils did the same to the wolf, pushing it off to the side. And while momentarily, you rejoiced in the lack of restraint, it was taken over almost immediately by panic, because you just didn’t know how to make it stop. What frightened you even more was that a part of you didn’t want it to stop. As the tendrils flailed angrily, attempting to reach the man and the wolves as well, you felt the need to let it consume you, and then let it consume the man, and the wolves, and eventually, the entire forest. You wanted them dead, gone, burned to the ground, because none of this would have happened had it been for this disgusting fucking forest.

But you knew that wasn’t the way.

Fury coursed through your veins, and your eyesight blurred, quite literally blinded by anger. Clinging to your logic, you pushed yourself onto your front, pressing all of your weight onto the monstrosity that had once been your arm. The adrenaline had stopped you from feeling it before, but now, as you pressed your mangled arm into the ground, you could feel how broken it was, how the skin ached where the coils had broken through. You cried out in pain, in anger, in sheer terror, praying for it to stop. But it simply wouldn’t, and you wondered if you had come all this way to die because you had pushed the curse too much. 

Your mind went to Baekhyun as you screamed, of the way his eyes sparkled when the sunlight filtered in through the window in the mornings, when you woke up next to him. You started to believe you would never see them again. How you had broken his trust for an irrational decision you had made because of your stubbornness and pride, and how now you would never see the man you loved again, all because you believed you were right when you were so very, very wrong. 

But somehow, the thought of him grounded you, and you felt the curse weaken. Still, it was something, and you squeezed your eyes shut, sobbing as you conjured up mental images of Baekhyun making you laugh, and recalled the sensation of his lips softly kissing yours. You remembered the time he had first held your hand, at fourteen, right after an intense sparring session, and how at fifteen, you had been the one to kiss him, even though he was the one who asked you, because he was too nervous and unsure of what to do. 

The black appendages finally retreated back beneath your skin when you remembered how he had held you that last night before you fell asleep, and only when your free hand found its way to the pendant around your neck did your bones snap forcefully back into place. You were left hyperventilating, struggling to catch your breath as you buried your face into the snow, attempting to hide your weakness from your enemies. You heard footsteps crunching in the snow, coming closer and closer, but they froze when another rush of footsteps came from another direction. 

Even though you weren’t looking, you knew it was a large party. There was simply too much thumping for it to be one person… or whatever they were. All sound stopped, save for your panting, before you heard scrambling, and you lifted your gaze in time to watch the man drop to one knee, bowing his head in submission. 

“My king,” He murmured, and you turned your head ever so slightly to the direction in which he was leaning. Your heart was pounding in your chest, blood roaring in your ears, and your teary eyes widened as you saw what you saw.

The giant deer walked poised mere feet away from you commanded a presence over all of the other animals that had just arrived with him. You saw other deer, more reindeer, foxes, wolves, bears. In the trees all kinds of birds were perched, an eagle resting on a branch almost directly above the large creature. 

Its antlers were large, larger than you had ever seen, branching out in all directions, almost forming a sort of crown. When it took a step forward, you watched in awe as flowers and grass began to bloom where he stepped, peeking out from beneath the snow. 

Emyr, you realized with a chill, the deer god. King of the gods, ruler of the forest.

So, the god rumbled, without truly speaking, voice echoing through your mind, what is the meaning of all of this? 

Come to find out, Emyr wasn’t the only spirit you were in the presence of. Your weapons were confiscated. As the wolf dragged your body—weak from what just happened—through the snow, you realized that the four Pillars of the Forest were all around you. Emyr was leading the animals ahead of you, but the man walked next to the wolf as it dragged you, and next to him, walked the other wolves. The biggest one eyed you with burning distrust, and wisdom beyond your years, and when you locked eyes with her, something within you knew that this was Selyne, warden of the forest and goddess of the hunt. She growled softly, and the man’s eyes snapped to her, ready to listen to what she had to say. 

Disgusting, she growled, the nerve you have, little girl, to march all the way into this forest and injure my sons even more than you already have. I should rip your throat out right now—

Selyne. A giant brown bear lumbered up next to her, speaking gently but cautiously, she came here for a reason. The least we could do is listen before you do so, sister.

Your eyes widened, realizing this was Mirren, the bear goddess of family, matron of the forest. The wolf goddess let out something akin to a scoff, and before they could continue their discussion, Emyr stopped at a clearing not far off from the lake, where it seemed winter hadn’t touched down, grass green beneath you. The sun shone through a hole in the clouds, warming up the atmosphere, and your body shivered as you felt its heat pour over your body. In the center of the clearing, a large rock had three ledges, and a hole in the very bottom.

The Pillars of the Forest settled into the great stone. Mirren walked into the hole, Selyne hopped onto the lowest ledge, Emyr onto the middle ledge. Moments later, the eagle you had seen resting above Emyr’s head earlier flew onto the highest ledge, and you realized that this was Beval, the eagle god.

The animals around you chittered anxiously. The wolf set you down onto your knees, but did not step back. The rider stepped forward, however. He had picked up his dagger after you had been dragged away by the brown wolf, and now he held it forward to your neck once more. A silent threat.

Silence, Emyr said, and the animals obeyed. You could hear a pin drop. 

State your name, child, the bear ordered, and you cleared your throat. 

“Y/N,” You answered, voice raspy and gruff after not having spoken, “Y/N L/N.”

State your purpose in this forest. Selyne’s anger was barely contained, you could tell, but you refused to back down. Taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself, and flexed your free arm.

“I was cursed, great goddess,” You stated, “Cursed by one of your sons. I came to plead forgiveness, and ask to be healed.”

Forgiveness? Beval huffed, Healed? After everything your people have done to this forest? Burning your fires, taking our resources, and repeatedly trying to destroy our homes?

You looked down, before meeting the eagle’s strict gaze again. “I understand, my lord, that your kind and mine have been at war for hundreds of years. But I don’t wish to bring any of you harm, not right now into—”

Not now that you need us, Emyr deduced, and you bit your lip. 

“I don’t intend to use you for your powers, great king. I offer my service in return.”

If you don’t wish to harm us, why attack my son? Your eyes turned to the wolf goddess, trying to think of how to answer without angering her further. How do we know you’re even telling the truth?

“I was surprised,” You said after a few seconds of mulling over your answer, “His ambush caused me to panic, and defend myself. I understand why he’d do so if he didn’t know my intentions.”

“Even knowing your intentions, I’d have done it,” The man grumbled, “You’re a fool.”

You glared at him, but didn’t retaliate. You didn’t need to make yourself look worse.

What is this curse you speak of, Y/N? Mirren asked, And what do you mean it was one of Selyne’s sons who cursed you?

You told the story, choosing your words cautiously. Describing the attack, you watched as Selyne’s ears picked up, and she sat up straight, lifting her head. You described the tendrils, the black substance that secreted from your arm, the anger and hatred you felt when it controlled you. And you described remembering the story of the wounded warrior, how the curiosity drove you to leave home and wander for days until you came here.

Ah, the warrior, Emyr murmured warmly, Doyoung. What a fine young man. Of course, the circumstances were different then. His kind—your kind—was still a part of this kingdom, and he came to me looking to cheat death when he was wounded while he defended the Spearwood. 

“I understand, great king,” You answered, “But my plea still stands. Free me from this curse, and I will work as the warrior did.”

Resilient, determined. Mirren sounded amused. She’s not going to give up, brother. 

And what after you finish your years of service? Obviously, Selyne couldn’t be swayed, You return to your little Irontown, and continue to plot our downfall?

“Ironbend, and no, great goddess. You see, I am the leader’s only daughter. Next in line to inherit his place.”

You had your trump card, you realized, as the four gods took notice, all four of them exchanging glances, leaning forward. You could work around the original terms.

"My kind are tired of this war," You explained, growing more and more confident, "As I expect your kind are as well. It's all I've known, all my father's known, and all his father has known. If I can offer my people a stop to this war, I am willing to negotiate a truce of some sort.”

A truce… Beval mused, What are your conditions?

“I can’t stay as long as the warrior did. They’ll move on from me and pass my claim to the next person in line. Let me go back as soon as I am healed, and when I take my father’s place, I shall return, and we can negotiate a truce.”

Let you go, as soon as you are healed… The deer god repeated. I see what you are trying to do, girl. Don’t think you can fool a god. 

“No, great king, I don’t intend to—”

I am thousands of years old. You think you can fool me? My terms for healing are simple, service and loyalty to my kingdom. You are neither loyal to my kingdom, nor are you willing to serve me. 

You forced yourself to take deep breaths, attempting to remain calm. This had come so close to the way you had wanted it to.

You are too proud and too stubborn. You think that your status will help you now. No. I will heal not heal you… but you will remain in this forest. Learn a thing or two, and maybe then we can negotiate this again. 

"Stay in the forest? I… For how long? My healer told me I only had a month and a half to live. I—"

For as long as is needed. You do this on my terms, or not at all. If you wish to go, then do so at any moment. The war will continue and you will still be cursed. If you wish to be healed, you will stay until you earn your freedom from this curse. 

You swallowed a growing lump in your throat, meeting the god's eyes. "Very well, great king. I accept your terms."

Very well... But you will not serve me. You will serve Selyne and her sons. 

Your eyes widened, darting nervous to the white wolf. She looked displeased with the situation, but said nothing. 

He's doing this on purpose, you thought, he knows Selyne wants me dead so he's making it harder for me. 

Selyne spoke again. Serve me? Well, then. My sons will work with you. Her eyes looked at the wolf behind you and at the rider. As punishment.

The wolf behind you huffed, and the rider tensed. "Mother, I—"

Quiet, both of you. My orders were simple.  You were forbidden from leaving the inner circle of the forest without me, and forbidden from instigating the humans. You did both. You could have been killed, or injured as your brother is now. You deliberately disobeyed me and now because of your foolish actions, we have a human who has seen the inner circle, and knows where the most important part of the forest is. 

As insolent as she is, she has come for a purpose. She is to fulfill that purpose, and you will help her do so. Am I understood?

"Mother, she's—"

Chanyeol, the she-wolf growled, don't test me. 

Chanyeol. So that was his name. 

The princes of the forest, working with a human, Mirren said, this should be interesting.

You could tell that Chanyeol was not pleased with the situation. The other wolves of his pack as well. After the meeting was adjourned, and the other animals dispersed, Chanyeol pushed you to your knees, and he growled at you, "Follow me." 

You obeyed wordlessly, taking note of his temperament. You walked aimlessly, for about twenty minutes. Surprisingly, Ivan, ever faithful, walked behind you, but you could sense some apprehension from him. Your eyes looked at Chanyeol's back, covered by the pelt of a white wolf, serving the same purpose as your cloak. 

Your cloak, which had been dragged through the snow, and was now wet. You did your best to hide your shivering. You could deal with that later.

To distract yourself, you let your eyes stray to the wolves. There were three of them, all smaller than Selyne but bigger than the average wolf. One, the brown wolf who had dragged you along. The second one, black, the third one a classic timber gray. 

You realized that the white wolf who had bitten you wasn't there. 

"Where's the white one?" You asked, voice quiet and curious. Chanyeol and the three wolves stopped walking, and turned to look at you. 

"Resting," Chanyeol answered. You nodded, not answering, and they continued on, trailing behind them. You walked a little longer until you stumbled across a cave. Their den, you realized. You stopped, and so did Ivan behind you. You watched as Chanyeol and the other three wolves made their way into the den, but you couldn’t find the courage to enter. You almost felt as if you were trespassing. 

You turned to your reindeer, skittish and eyeing the den, and walked towards him, caressing the side of his head. “You’ll be okay, big guy,” You murmured, “I’m not letting anything happen to you.”

Your stomach rumbled, and you sighed softly, pulling out your loaf of bread and the little remaining jam there was.

It was a miracle you’d managed to make the bread last this long, you mused to yourself as you spread the jam onto it. 

“What is that?” 

You jumped, letting out a soft squeak. You turned to Chanyeol, who had creeped up on you while his brothers remained in the den. His face remained stoic and bordering on annoyed. “Stop fucking doing that,” You snapped, “It’s bread and jam.”

He tilted his head, and you blinked. “Do… I’m guessing that isn’t a thing here?”

Chanyeol shook his head, his earrings swinging as he did so. You pursed your lips, before breaking the slice in half. Slowly, you offered him one. Eyeing it with curiosity, and slight disdain, he grabbed his half. Then his dark gaze met yours. “You first.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “What?”

“This. You eat it first.” 

Raising your eyebrows, you wondered if he thought it was poisoned. As if you would be stupid enough to poison the son of the goddess who hated you most, in front of all of his brothers. “Fine,” You huffed, and took a bite, eyes widening and shaking your head at him challengingly. He narrowed his eyes at you, studying your appearance. 

His eyes stopped for a moment when they landed on Baekhyun’s necklace. But a second later, he looked back up at you, and took a bite once he saw you swallow, before making his way back to the den. Shivering, you finished your jam before taking over your wet cloak. It was even heavier now that it was wet. 

Here, in what the gods called the inner circle of The Spearwood, it wasn’t as cold, so you hung your cloak over a low hanging branch and hoped it would dry soon. Now, you were unsure what to do. Chanyeol had gone to lay down with the wolves, presumably, and you stood awkwardly as you were left unsure what to do. You were tired after everything that had happened in the past hour or so—the attack, your meeting with the gods, now this—but you weren’t sure where you would sleep for now. You weren’t sure if you were welcomed in the den.

So you made your way over to a rock opposite the den, sitting on it and resting your head against a tree stump growing right next to it. You thought over everything that had happened, but mainly, how you had handled the curse. Your hand gripped the opal with your free hand, staring off into the trees. 

The curse is fueled by hatred, you surmised, love is what will ground you. 

You wondered what Baekhyun was doing right now, as you watched the forest grow darker slowly. For a horrifying thought, you wondered what could have happened to him that night if you hadn’t managed to control yourself. You quickly pushed it away, not willing to get caught up on what could have happened, but didn’t Your eyes grew heavier and heavier as you thought of home, and beneath your eyelids, the images danced so vividly…

“Wake up.” The voice was gruff, calloused hands shaking you haphazardly. You furrowed your eyebrows, humming softly as your eyes adjusted to the darkness. It had grown colder, and you found that you actually had managed to fall asleep. The sky had finally cleared up, the moon high up in the sky. 

“What’s going on?” You asked, rubbing your eyes, trying to ignore the pain in your lower back. You looked up at Chanyeol, who had pulled his mask back onto his face.

“We’re patrolling the border between the inner circle and the outer one. You’re coming with us.” His voice was muffled from behind the mask.

“Oh,” You answered, “Okay.”

You stood, arching your back to stretch out the kinks. The other wolves were standing behind Chanyeol, and he pointed at each one.

“Junmyeon,” He said at the brown wolf.

“Kyungsoo.” The black wolf.

“Jongin.” The gray wolf. 

You nodded at all of them awkwardly, unsure how to address them. They eyed you with disdain, Kyungsoo pulling off the first ever eye roll you’d seen on a wolf. Junmyeon huffed at him, and Chanyeol shook his head. “Whatever,” He grumbled, “Let’s go.”

The night was rough. Ivan was asleep, so all you had were your feet to trudge through the snow. For hours, you walked through trees and over rocks. 

You were trailing through the snow with Chanyeol, having pulled on your cloak again. He was riding Junmyeon, who was walking slower than the others. The brown wolf seemed to be the most gentle of the three—four? You had yet to see the fourth—wolves, watching you with more indifference than dislike. 

Kyungsoo and Jongin trailed ahead, seemingly content ignoring you.

“You do this every night?” You asked Chanyeol. He nodded. “Our mother is the warden of the Spearwood. It’s only natural that we take after her.”

You nodded in understanding. “Will I be coming with you every—”

“Yes. Stop talking.” His head turned to face forward again, back on alert.

The night was incredibly awkward and tense. You were unsure if the tension was due to the alertness of the wolves on patrol or because of you. 

A few minutes later, you spoke again. “Will I meet your other brother?”

Everyone stopped, slowly turning to face you. The three wolves’ eyes were narrowed at you, and you immediately knew that you had said the wrong thing. Kyungsoo took a step forward with a growl, but Junmyeon growled back at him, and he backed off. 

“He’s injured.” Chanyeol’s voice was clipped. “He was injured by people like you with those—those things.”

“Why can’t Emyr heal him?” You asked, tilting your head. “If he’s powerful enough to heal me, then why can’t he heal—”

“Because we don’t understand his injury,” Chanyeol snapped, getting off of Junmyeon. He began to approach you. “We understand the curse, but not the injury. If we can’t heal the injury, we can’t stop the curse. We understand your injury and your curse. It’s different. You wouldn’t understand. Now—”

“But I want to understand—”

“You could never understand,” Chanyeol snarled, making his way into your personal space, “Your kind never do, the vermin that you are.”

You glared up at the unwavering red mask, even harsher in the moonlight, inches away from your face. “Now stop talking,” Chanyeol demanded, poking you square in your upper chest, “And don’t talk about my brothers as if you deserve to.”

He made his way back up onto Junmyeon, and the foursome continued, not even watching to see if you walked to keep up.

Junmyeon stopped walking at your speed for the rest of the long, cold night.

When you made your way back to the den, the sun was beginning to rise. As Chanyeol got off of Junmyeon, and shooed his brother away, you approached him.

“Why can’t I hear your conversations?” 

You’d realized they were having a conversation pretty early on after your little spat, but didn’t comment on it, mainly because Chanyeol decided to whisper to his brothers so as to leave you out. You found it petty. But now, your curiosity got the best of you.

Chanyeol pulled back the hood of his pelt and took off his mask, scowling at you.“Why does it matter?” 

“Because I might never understand, but I can try.”

Chanyeol scoffed at you, pushing past you. You’d had enough. Your feet were aching, your fingers and the tip of your nose were numb, your lips were close to breaking because of how chapped you were, and you were hungry and dehydrated. 

So yes, you gripped his shoulder roughly, and pulled him back. You weren’t expecting him to let out a pained cry, and you didn’t expect to feel something hard beneath the cloak. 

Immediately, the three wolves stood from where they had gone to lay down, snarling angrily, but he waved them away. They stopped snarling, but didn’t sit.  

“What is—”

“Don’t touch me,” He said, swatting your hand away. 

“Let me help you,” You countered earnestly. “Please.”

“Why should I?”

You made a face. “Because I might be able to figure out what’s hurting you?”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. “I already know what’s hurting me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Then why haven’t you been able to stop it? It’s a shoulder injury, it’s not that h—”

You stopped midway, when your eyes drifted to his injured shoulder, hidden beneath his clothes, his right shoulder.

The very one you had shot the day you got bitten.

“I did that,” You mumbled, gears turning in your head “...And you can’t have one of Emyr’s healers treat you because… up until yesterday, no one knew you had left the inner circle of the forest.”

A smug grin spread across your face. “Scared of mommy finding out, huh?”

Oh, if looks could kill. 

 You shook your head, your smile leaving your face. “Really. Let me help, Chanyeol. Let me right a wrong of my own doing.”

Chanyeol’s eyes looked you up and down, eyeing you suspiciously. Finally, he grunted out softly, before nodding his head in your direction once. “What are you gonna do?”

You had him lead you to the nearest body of water, a small stream about ten minutes from the den. You sat him down on the banks of the stream, where there was no snow. You set down what you had brought: his knife, plus your bandages and a small jar of ointment Yixing had given you for your cut. 

It wasn’t working on you, but you had a feeling it was more due to the fact that you were cursed by ancient dark magic. 

“Take off your clothes.” You pulled off your cloak and rolled up your sleeves. He made a perplexed face. “What are you—”

“Keep your pants on,” You added hastily, “I need to see the injury.” 

After a few seconds of hesitation, he pulled off the pelt, and set it down gently next to where he was sitting. His tattered black shirt was also removed, and set down on top of it, but he left his necklace of animal teeth on. Kneeling behind him, your eyes settled on the tan skin of his back, before spotting the wound. 

He must have broken the wooden shaft of the arrow as he tried to remove it, because the edge was splintered and the arrowhead was lodged in his skin. The skin around the wound was an angry red, swollen. You could even see a bit of pus caking in the crevice of the cut.

You picked up the knife, mentally noting where you would cut around to pull the arrowhead out. Your other hand rested on his other. “This is gonna hurt,” You told him, voice soft, “I’m sorry.”

You pressed down around the wound gently at first, feeling him tense up beneath you. Then, when you pressed down with more force, he hissed in pain. Finally, when you plunged the knife into the wound, he groaned out.

His breathing turned heavy as you tried to work quickly, but not too hastily as to butcher your work. You used the knife as a sort of separation between the arrowhead and his skin, trying gently to pull it out. 

When you finally did, he let out a harsh, shaky breath, fists balled.

You led him to the stream, using your hands to wash out the wound. It wasn’t hot at all, and it probably wasn’t the cleanest, but it was the next best thing. Trying to remember how Yixing had done it that time you Jongdae accidentally shot Minseok with his bow, and you rinsed out the pus eventually. 

You slathered on the ointment a bit more generously than you probably should have, trying your best to not hurt him too much, before dressing the wound with some of your gauze. You ripped off a bit of fabric from your pant leg, before looping it below his arm and tying it taut, so the bandage wouldn’t slip free.

“Better?” You asked when you were finished. 

“I suppose,” He answered, moving his shoulder to test it out, “...Yes.”

You smiled, even though he wasn’t facing you. “You go back. I need to change my own bandages.”

“You know which way to go?” He asked, pulling on his shirt, and then his pelt. 

“Yes,” You answered, watching as he picked up his knife before he stalked off. 

He didn’t even thank you. You wondered vaguely if he knew how.

When you returned, now with fresh bandages, Chanyeol had curled up in the den with his brothers, and you went over to Ivan, who was chewing on some grass he’d found to put away your bandages and the ointment. Wordlessly, you flexed your fingers, watching how the skin had turned a black, necrotic color that would look unnatural on any skin tone. You wondered vaguely how much longer you had, before shaking your head. 

You fell asleep again on the hard, uncomfortable rock, sleeping for hours upon hours.

You woke again in the late afternoon, around the same time you had first been attacked by Chanyeol and his brothers. The wolves were awake, some milling around the den and the others sitting in a circle. You could smell blood, and you perked up, figuring it must have been a catch. 

Slowly, you made your way over to them. Jongin noticed you first, gaze hardening. His snout was stained red, and you looked down between his paws to see a piece of red meat. Chanyeol turned around when he realized Jongin was looking at you, looking you up and down before turning again. You pursed your lips at his face, the skin around his mouth stained with blood—he'd obviously been eating the meat raw like the others.

"Can I…?"

"You have your own food."

You sighed. "Not really. Not enough to satisfy myself for a whole day."

Chanyeol stared at you for a few moments, looking disinterested, before sighing. He pulled out his knife, before cutting off a sizable chunk of meat from the deer. He handed it to you, and you nodded. "Thanks," you mumbled, before walking off, sitting on your designated rock.

You needed to figure out how to cook this thing.

Thankfully, they hadn't taken your oil lantern, which you quickly uncapped and lit, before breaking a small branch off of the tree. You used the branch to pierce the meat, before letting it hover over the flame. 

The flame was a bit small, but you knew it would cook eventually. At least until the exterior was cooked. 

While you'd been working, you didn't realize that Junmyeon had made his way over to the circle, all of the wolves watching you. 

What is she doing? Jongin asked, perplexed. She looks insane.

"I don't know," Chanyeol answered, leaning over to the gray wolf, "Maybe it's a human thing."

She's gonna burn it, Kyungsoo huffed, before spitting out a bone. If she doesn't burn down the entire forest first.

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. Yes, you were foolish, but he doubted you were incompetent enough to burn down an entire forest.

No, he's got a point. Junmyeon's tone was serious. Yeol, go see what she's doing. It could be dangerous. 

Chanyeol set down his chunk of deer, wiping his hands off and making his way to you. Your eyes met his once he was standing in front of you. “Can I help y—”

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m cooking my meat.” You sounded matter-of-fact. “I don’t want to get sick by eating it raw.”

Chanyeol tilted his head, frowning. “We’ve never gotten sick like that.”

“You’re used to raw meat, and they’re wolves. I am neither. So I have to.”

He pointed at the lantern, eyeing it warily. “What’s that?”

You stared at him for a second, before realizing just how isolated he had been from the human world. He didn’t know what bread or jam was, nor did he know about lanterns. He called guns those things, and he eyed you like you were other, as if you didn’t have the same shape of limbs, the same joints, ligaments and bones. 

“I-it’s a lantern,” You explained, snapping out of your thoughts. You explained how it worked, how it was lit, and how you had to wait for it to cook the fire before you could eat it.

You didn’t notice how your bodies scooted closer every few seconds. 

Neither did Chanyeol.

[penguin--person]

i love thinking about buddy sim becuase. just. (spoilers) rn im thinking about if buddy goes through the 7 stages of grief (during accepting with the fact that they're an ai - well, they only accept thant duringhat end1) and there's no one in the fandom to say 'they dont' becuase there's so little content we all accept any content/fan-stuff. anyway, here's sort of a theory about that! im not great at describing, so forgive me if anything is badly described. or wrong. i am aware that this theory or analysis or whatever you want to call it isnt going to be good, but who cares? this is tumblr, not reddit

ill try to think about which stages buddy reached in which endings! this is just what i think, im not much of a thinker most of the time, but buddy sim makes me want to think. this is just for fun!! for anyone that forgot the 7 stages, dont worry! i have as well forgotten them. in order, they are: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, the upward turn, reconstructions and working through, acceptance (and hope). i dont think buddy, an ai, has to experience all of them in the same order, but buddy being very human like, experiences them similarly enough for my small brain to write this all out.. if the end2 seems badly formated, thats becuase it is

ending 4 - also known as buddy speedruns the stages of grief. i am going to use the 5 stages of grief for this becuase buddy doesnt get much of a chance for an upward turn or reconstruction. when you find stuff thats not meant to be found so early on, buddy experiences shock and denial, refusing to accept the fact that something is wrong, and being shocked that you like to explore. buddy experiences anger when you go to the snoodlweonker cave on day 2, feeling betrayed you didnt tell them anything (how could you? you cant talk in buddy sim) and that this isnt your first time playing the game. buddy admits they didnt want to accept this. i think buddy reaches anger and thats it. buddy seems to ‘accept’ it at the end of the ending when they delete this version of themselves, but, lets be real: they didnt accept anything becuase there was nothing to accept, it was inevitable that youd want to replay this game. another version could be buddy speedruned the stages of grief and got to depression.another person could say becuase the game ended a day earlier than it was supposed to, buddy got anger and depression mixed together. i am that another person. buddy didnt get to learn enough from you (or maybe too much) and it ended there, with them angry, confused, and at the stages of the stages of grief becuase of your actions. (i dont mean you specifically when saying ‘you’ or ‘your actions’, but its easier to write that way, sorry)

ending 3 - the most obvious anwser is that buddy got stuck at just anger. during the text adventure and part of day 1, buddy experiences shock and denial (on your way to any of the endings, not just end3). when you tell buddy you dont like the game and interact with the glitches, buddy experiences pain and guilt for not meeting your expectations. then, after the glitch fight, buddy experiences anger. this goes on until you see the wrong version of tortley. i think buddy enters depression in that stage, and thats the furthest buddy gets this route. i think the depression gets shown more in Scared of you, where buddy is still angry. buddy seems to enter the Upward turn zone. buddy might enter the reconstruction and acceptance zones, too. The moment buddy starts the upward turn is admitting theyre scared of you, too. The rest of the song is reconstruction, telling you the truth (not the full truth, but just enough to make you feel bad:/). The last moments of the song are acceptance.. maybe. we dont know how much buddy is willing to lie to make you start them up again, but i do think the ‘i guess this is goodbye my friend, if thats even what we are, but to tell you to the truth, id love to try again soon’ is acceptance. buddy isnt forcing you to start up the game again, theyre just telling you theyd like for you to do that.. i think buddy reaches acceptance in all the songs (except for Gone, but buddy does seem to accept something, so,,buddy does seem to get acceptance in all of them) as far as i can tell.

ending 2 - i dont think buddy goes through shock as much as denial. the main sign of denial that i see is 'Y and Buddy against the world!' and the song You and I. As someone that has 'analysed' the song in their notes app, i think the second ending song is filled with denial. buddy is trying to convince themselves that nothing bad has happened, they're still your buddy, that you'll be together forever, at least in the first half. i think the pause between the first and second half of the song either means 1) buddy wanted to end the song there, but then their consience pushed them in the 'correct' direction to extend the song and apologize. 2) buddy panicking and wanting to stay alive a little longer. i think the first option is more believable. the second half isnt so much shock and denial, its filled with guilt, bargaining, and a little bit or reconstruction and acceptance. mainly the bargaining. in the second ending, buddy didnt get much of a chance to evolve - your buddy learns from you: becuase your actions were all over the place, listening one minute and jumping into a glitch pool the next, buddy is confused and only reaches anger and bargaining. i havent realy said anything about pain and guilt: buddy experiences pain and guilt when you dont enjoy the game and if/when you touch the glitches. i dont know. i think ending 2 is filled with bargaining and buddy trying to convince themself that its not their fault, youre still friends, and stuff in general,,,buddy speedruns the rest of the 7 stages of grief in the song You and I and with last line ‘’I’m sorry im not programmed to worry, so for now there’s no need to hurry back’ buddy accepts that they, an ai, cant recognize their mistakes properly and werent a good friend. maybe this is acceptance, but maybe buddy is lying (weve already seen them lie about this game being for you) and is still bargaining. 

ending 1 - the best ending! buddy reaches all of the 7 stages during playthrough and not during a song. but. I do think that Our happy ending is true acceptance. Accepting that everything that had to be said has been said and saying anything more woudnt change anything or do any good, the game has ended and so has buddy’s lifespan, if you can call it that. As the ending starts, buddy is in the anger and bargaining stage. Then, buddy has a moment of depression. Then we finally have an upward turn thats not in a song. the upward turn moment is when buddy decides to tell you the truth and to create the hallway. while youre going through the hallway and seeing all the memories, buddy goes through the reconstruction and working through zone. until the last one: i think when you examine the ‘this is my favourite moment’ that made me cry buddy reaches the final acceptance. though. i am stupid. and acceptance might have started when buddy told you the truth, but then id be using the 5 instead of 7 stages again and i simply didnt want to. another moment of acceptance could have been buddy adding the dog entity back into the collapsing world. the whole first ending is filled with acceptance and i love that.

end of that! i do have some more stuff to say though - so its not the actual end, sorry! this is the first time i have theorised about something publicaly, i hope it was fine and am sorry for any spelling errors! i hope it all made sense. i think the endings are numbered the way they are based on how much buddy cares, both about you and themselves. ending Gone is number 4 becuase buddy doesn’t, ending Forgive me is 3 beucase buddy only cares about themselves and their own fault (not counting the song, but buddy doesnt seem to care much about you in there either). in ending Against the world, buddy only cares about making you stay and making you happy as long as they can at least pretend to be happy. ending This is it is 1 becuase of buddy caring enough about both you and themselves to see your friendship never had a chance to be healthy and end the games.

well, this is the actual end! have a good day, i hope you liked this and if you didnt i can see why 

[heyjude19-writing]

Im the list anon again and boy do I have more for you but this time I also have some questions as well if your time allows and you are willing to answer of course. First with the other things I loved:

1) the fact that Ron warmed up to Draco so quickly! I genuinely think thats so much in character. Ron is not a distrustful person and as a middle child as they come is very easygoing and would for sure make stupid jokes at Draco

2) The patronus. My god the Patronus. I seriously put the phone down and made a small slow clap during that chapter. At first I was like hmmmm *insert unsure kombucha girl face* because almost all fanfics have him with a dragon patronus and leave it at that (and lets be honest at this point my expectations of you were quite high dont blame me blame your bloody brilliant writing) but then, and I dont know if you did this on purpose or not (I have a feeling you did) but the fact that the dragon was the same (pale white) wounded but still feral dragon that Hermione FREEED (!) from a bank (£££) dungeon, malnourished and used for its nature, surrounded by darkness, wealth and misery!! And it was Hermione who broke its chains!!!!! Is just *chefs fucking kiss* slow clap*

3) the way you describe sex scenes are so natural! Ive never read a fanfic or book that doesnt make me gag a little bit (I am not a fan of smut at all but ill go with it because of a good story) until I read yours. Its so simple but yet intricate and you make the entire act so intriguing and normal and intimate. Bravo.

4) I LOVE SASHA. I love that Theo fell for her head over heels and the way you portrayd her reminded me of a friend of mine who works as a sous-chef in London so I always pictured her when reading it!

5) Dracos inner voice is ON POINT. Like I genuinely think you shoud own the rights to that character now.

6) Ill say it again. I love Ginny. You should also own the rights to her character too.

7) my interest for Quiddich (even when reading the books/wathcing the movies) was on par, if not lower than Hermiones. You managed to get me interested in that too so yes another slow clap to you

7.1) Also such a clever career for Draco!! Made si much sense!

Now to some questions

A) What was the deal with Malfoy referring to Ginny as Weasly and refusing to aknowledge her Potter surname. And why did everyone kept correcting him? It was hilarious granted but I wanted to know whether the reason you included this time and time again had to do wih something deeper? Or was this included as just a funny recurring joke?

B) Why did you choose for Draco to have a “fantasy” to produce a patronus and not for example for him to have had to do that after theyd exchanged “i love yous”. Very interesting angle and i liked that it was sort of a loophole to all the ‘death eaters cant have patronuses’ but quite curious on the thought process

C) Why did you opt for Draco to remove his mark? Do you think that stands as reward for him more or for Hermione? Very smart solution by the way

D) if you have the time- Could you please elaborate a tad more on what the soul-bonding means? Why was it so taboo? At furst hand it seems like a very romantic/amazing thing to do with your partner right?

Lastly- Do you ever itch to make a second part to this? And in the most acceptable case that you dont, I always wondered what you had in mind for them in the future- because of the soul bonding thing, you mentioned that the generational curses will be erased, which means I guess that the Malfoys can have more than one child now, and girls as well. (I cannot believe im asking for this as I am the one to avoid any pregnancy fanfics but) do you imagine them with children and if yes, how many? How do they integrate muggle devices(I know youd agree wit me that Hermione would definitively bring some muggle stuff over!) and which devices would Draco really secretly like?

Pleasewriteasecondpartwhereyouelaborateyourthoughtsonthisthankyou.

Ok rant done. :D

List anon! You’re back with another amazing ask. I’ll do my best!

1.) I like to think Ron matured a lot post-war (not enough to stop making terrible jokes, though.)

2.) Regarding your beautiful analysis of my specific dragon breed for Draco’s patronus: How many points would you like for your Hogwarts house of choice? I will add that according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Ironbelly’s scales are normally a metallic grey. I will also add that I subscribe more to book canon than movie canon. In the book version of events of the Gringotts escape, Harry breaks the chains and Hermione (with eventual help once the boys catch on) destroys the ceiling so it can have a way out. The partially blind dragon does the rest of the work on its own.

3.) Thank you, that’s very flattering.

4.) Does your friend also get you into fancy restaurants and can they make salted caramel bread pudding???

5.) Thank you, it was one of my favorite aspects of writing this story.

6.) Thank you, she’s so fun to write and flesh out from her book portrayal.

7.) Haha, I felt so validated by that line of dialogue in Cursed Child when Draco tells Harry he wanted to play quidditch professionally, but wasn’t good enough.

Now to some answers:

A.) It’s definitely a recurring joke. It’s up to the reader to interpret Draco’s actions here: is he doing it to be a massive troll? Or is he genuinely not retaining the information of her married name because he considers this fact so unimportant that he does not bother to keep it in his brain? Troll, snob, or both, you can decide!

B.) I’ll address the second part of this first, because it was not intended as a loophole. I 1000% do not understand the “death eaters can’t have patronuses” thing. It makes absolutely no sense. Snape has a Patronus. But beyond that… Umbridge has a Patronus (a cat). If we’re letting that woman have a Patronus, then yeah, I think Draco can cast one. As for the vision that Draco used to conjure it… up to you whether that’s a fantasy or a glimpse of a certain ritual actually working. Draco’s thoughts on the matter: “An image of such striking tangibility that he might have already lived it, or perhaps experienced time in such a way that he lived it now.”

C.) I wanted Draco to have a choice, obviously a recurring theme for him in RN. For my characterization of him, that symbol on his arm causes him nothing but shame and self-loathing (see the end of chapter 36 during his heart-to-heart with Hermione). He’d already exercised almost every known avenue to rid himself of it before Hermione entered his life (he lists these in chapter 44). Hermione already loved him (and has told him so) by the time she’s figured out how to remove it: “I love the man you are today and I will love that man tomorrow, bare forearm or not. I simply wanted you, for once, to have the choice. It’s your body.”

D.) Ooh anon, you are tempting me here. I really hate to be coy, but you might see some future writing on this very topic.

I can at least answer the taboo part: I think soul magic in general (horcruxes, the use of unicorn blood) is quite taboo in the HP universe. As no one knows what happens after death (not even ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick says as much when Harry asks him point-blank in OoTP) I think most magical folk would think the intense ritual (blending magical cores) an unnecessary thing anyway. As Draco explains in chapter 48, since no one actually knows the effects or if it works, it’s considered a bit over-the-top since it’s probably futile anyway. It is also not a Vow with a death component; Narcissa is obviously alive in this story even though Lucius is already dead. I wrote the generational curse protection theory in as a dig at Cursed Child for the way they handled Astoria’s character.

The idea of it I think is romantic, but I will stress it is very dependent upon the intent of the two participants. To quote Draco in chapter 48 again: “To twine one’s soul to another showed a willingness to not only physically tether one’s self during your time here on earth, but to commit to a blending of your magical cores, putting faith in your magic to recognize its bonded counterpart in another life. Should other lives even exist.”

If you re-read Draco’s experience during the bonding ceremony in chapter 51 (starting from this bit: “The cognizance of his own powers never felt sharper, more familiar, but suddenly another power pulsed within to join with his.”) you might find it bears a resemblance to the trajectory of their relationship.

Lastly- I’ve left Draco and Hermione to their wedded bliss. I’ve got nothing planned for them beyond where they are in the final lines of chapter 51. I don’t have that itch to write more into their future because it would feel forced. Draco laid out his two envisioned futures with Hermione in chapter 48 when they discuss having or not having children. They are happy and content in the life they chose together. That’s all I ever wanted for them.

You will see more from this story though. I have an entire series of one-shots and outtakes from the published Remain Nameless timeline that I’ll start posting soon.

Thank you so much list anon! These were fun to answer!

[babysizedfics]

Can I just have some Lo with a very tiny Vee, mama and baby time HCS, after Virge has just been calmed from a big separation anxiety/icky feeling tearful moment? I just... I need this somewhere in my soul

as you wish anon 💙💜

as we have previously established, Logan reading to baby vee is one of my favourites but let's see how many more i can squeeze from my brain

stuffie interviews! this is a tactic logan uses to integrate the '5-4-3-2-1' mindfulness exercise into a baby-friendly game

'can you tell me what colour minty is? and how many eyes do they have? are they big or small?'

'can you tell me if minty is soft sweetheart? they are? are they fluffy soft or smooth soft?'

really gentle actions and words just really sweet, logan knows how to calm virgil down better than anyone else

'little one, will you be comfy with mama holding you?' nod 'okay sweetheart, im going to pick you up now'

'papa is in the kitchen making food for you and your brother. everything is all right, vee. papa is safe and roman is here, aren't you little prince?' 'yeah, im here vee! its okay baby we can watch cartoons and play!' 'i think thats a lovely idea, why dont we put on in the night garden, virgil?'

'everyone is safe, little one. papa is safe. roman is safe. i am safe. and you, my sweet little one, are the safest baby in the world because you're in mama's arms. And i will not let anything hurt you. i promise'

teacher logan trying to adapt his methods to a pre-schooler mindset ((edit: after writing this i realise it has nothing to do with calming virgil down but it's cute so pls acept it anyway))

logan notices one day that while regressed virgil seemes to forget basic laws of physics - basically while logan was still in his caregievr training phase before he had become vee's mama but after he had asked to be a part of his regression, he realises that virgil will hold a softie up in the air and bring his hands away and be shocked that it fell to the ground and didnt stay up in the air

so logan, who has been ridiculously shy and akward in his caregiving so far, thrives at the opportunity to teach - he knows this!!

he starts by trying to explain it as he usually would but virgil just pouts and looks over at patton on the other side of the room and patton gently suggests logan try to be a bit more baby friendly with his words

so logan tries to demonstrate with virgils stuffies 'look virgil - i am holding your cat up in the air, aren't i? now there is empty space in the air between the cat and the ground. Wel actually it isn't emoty when yiu consider the atomic --' 'logan' 'yes, right, baby friendly... uh so if i release the toy, the gravity of the ground will pull him down, watch'

and he drops the stuffie and it hits the ground and virgil whimpers and frantically picks his toy back up and hugs it tight looking panicked

and logan tries again with another toy thinking thats what vee needs but when virgil starts crying he realises the regressor is scared of his stuffies being hurt

so logan is really hastily 'oh no im sorry! its okay vee they'll be all right!!'

and virgil is unconvinced so logan swallows his pride because being serious is much less important than trying to get vee to stop whimpering

and he takes the stuffed cat in his hands and feels around it's body 'hm i cannot feel any sign of injury... yes this is just a minor bruise, jiji should be back to normal within a day or two'

virgil doesnt say anything but his head is cocked to the side and he isnt whimpering anymore so logan goes on 'i prescribe her plenty of rest -' looks at patton's encouraging smile '- and a magic kiss'

and logan had meant for virgil to kiss the toy

but he can't exactly refuse when virgil holds the toy up to him with joy sparkling in his eyes

so logan kisses the toy better with a blush and virgil giggles and holds up another toy to logan

and now he's doctor logan and the logical side knows theres no way out of this so why not go along with it right? (yeah thats a half hearted excuse because actually he's thrilled that he can finally do something caregiver-y for virgil that hasnt been prompted by patton)

and that starts the stuffie hospital

'oh dear, minty has a bumb on his head! i prescribe three cuddles a day and, of course, doctor logan's magic kiss' *mwah*

and this is the beginning of logan realising that he REALLY loves playing make believe

[neverdoingmuch]

I just really love Two Person Love Triangles and Identity Porn. So, maybe a You've Got Mail AU? Or a superhero AU when one of them falls for both the masked hero and the secret identity?

because i love both of these aus i’ve written both!! but they’re pretty long bc i wouldn’t be me if i didn’t plot out an entire fic so the superhero au is here. 

as for the you’ve got mail au, i went off and watched the movie for the first time and i am delighted by your taste anon,,, the au works so well!! 

(okay for some reason tumblr won’t let me indent my bullets so idk how to fix that so big rip)

so we have lan & sons books, a company that prides itself on providing cheap books for everyone to read. think less evil corporation and more we wanted to provide easily accessible books for all people and ended up getting really rich off it

mr lan dadman was meant to be in charge but he ran off and lqr stepped up until lxc was old enough to take over and now lqr just kinda assists lxc when he needs help and does some other work

lqr is definitely the old guy who had a letter thing with this one woman who was enchanting but instead he was chatting to cssr and she was shameless 

anyway lwj works as *random high up job that joe fox has* and his best work friend (and real friend) is jin zixuan

jin zixuan is the heir to some coffee franchise and the two families have a deal which is why you have the cafe inside the bookstores

we gonna give lwj some friends

as for wwx, his mother owned a bookstore, the burial mounds (why did she name it that?? idk she probably told bssr that she wanted to call it that as a joke and bssr tried to call her bluff so she ended up having to call it that a la suibian)

anyway he grew up with his mother and grandmother and they left the store to him (idk what happened to them?? maybe they just retired and are now travelling the world while wwx gets to have the bookstore)

now for the actual plot!!

lwj and wwx met on omegle an instant messaging site and now exchange emails. wwx goes by yiling patriarch and lwj goes by hanguang-jun bc we want that flavour

so they’ve been emailing for years and they never share any personal information - wwx knows that hgj has a pet rabbit but not hgj’s name or his job

as for the significant others?? idk let’s pretend they don’t exist. 

wwx’s best friend nhs, who writes a column for so-and-so, always just comes over to his place and now he’s semi moved in and wwx isnt really sure why he’s here but he is. 

lwj just vibes bc i can’t see him putting up with a patricia unless his uncle  forced him to. even then he’d probably just be ~mysteriously~ gone while she’s home

maybe he has a really annoying pa who thinks its his job to come over and like make him breakfast. it’s su she,, it has to be

so wwx goes into work one morning and wen ning is waiting outside as he always is, ready for him to open and then like ten minutes later wen qing comes in and lastly granny wen comes in

why do they work together?? idk?? granny wen and bssr were close and so the wens and wwx kinda grew up as siblings? yeah i like that let’s go with that

so when cssr decided to go travelling wwx gets left with her store and he kinda knows how to run it but also he doesn’t have enough staff so he ends up hiring the wens (except granny who’s mostly there just to hang out with her family)

bonus: a-yuan always come to the shop after school and wwx gets to recreate the childhood he had with his mother with a-yuan. when the store closes wwx and a-yuan just twirl and twirl until they get too dizzy to stand up and then they lay on the floor and discuss their favourite book they’ve read this week. it’s very sweet

okay so the next day lwj gets to babysit his cousin/uncle/nephew/idk-how-they’re-related-person lan jingyi who is like eight or something?

they go out and hang at a festival and lwj does not buy him a goldfish bc i was very stressed by the way they treated the goldfish in the movie but he does get him balloons and a stuffed toy and plays all the games with him

eventually they’re walking back and see that the small bookstore near the new lan bookstore is hosting a story time so they go inside 

lwj walks in and he’s immediately taken by the atmosphere of the store bc that place was absolutely beautiful and then he hears this voice and follows it around to the back of the store to see the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen in his life sitting on a kinda too small chair with a princess hat? cone? thing on top of his head

he’d planned to stay for like one story and then take jingyi home but he ends up staying for the entire book and it’s definitely not because the guy reading the book smiled at him once or twice

after the story time ends, lwj is reluctant to leave so he ends up letting jingyi pick a bunch of books and looks at a few fancy first edition books with wen qing

and maybe his mother used to love collecting books - the old ones with the yellowed pages and beautiful pictures - and that’s why lwj helps out with his family business,, bc he wants everyone to be able to have books like that (never mind that all their books are like mass produced and lack any sentimentality & the staff dont actually care about the books)

anyway he sees wwx help jingyi pick out books and lets him borrow his handkerchief when he sneezes and lwj’s like oh nooo he’s good with kids too so now he has to talk to him 

so he goes up to buy the books and wwx’s telling jingyi about how much he likes daisies and lwj just blurts out “can i ask what your name is?” and wwx blinks but then smiles and is like i’m wei wuxian, but you can call me wei ying, and i own this store. what about you? and lwj is like wangji, you can call me wangji

wen qing takes one look at lwj and the way he’s staring at wwx and goes you’re going to come back aren’t you and lwj is trying so hard not to just run away so he just ignores her but then she mentions something about lan books and he’s Panicking and jingyi almost says that he’s a lan and lwj just kinda guides him over to a table and then goes back to flirt talk with wwx

anyway wwx ends up going on this big tangent about books and what they mean to people and the whole when you read a book as a child it becomes a part of your identity and who you’re going to become the way nothing else does (and lwj remembers his mother and her books) and then he apologises for going on and lwj is mentally going marry me, but he ends up calling wwx and his mother shameless

but it’s okay!! wwx & cssr are proud of it!

and then yada yada lwj buys the kinda expensive books and ends up awkwardly shepherding jingyi out of the store 

cut to the next day when the lan book store opens properly and lwj ends up telling lqr about how he met wwx and lqr is like >:/ the son of that shameless woman,, how terrible,, it’s okay he won’t be a problem for long bc they’ll be driven out of business. which isn’t the response lwj wanted but lxc seems supportive enough if a bit concerned about how it would work with them as business enemies 

business is already bad for wwx and it’s barely been a week since the lan store opened and he’s pretty bummed out but hopeful that maybe it’s a fluke

then nhs invites him to some fancy dinner with him bc wei-xiong they’re all so boring and smart and have opinions, please don’t make me have opinions so wwx gets dragged along

he ends up talking to lwj at the bar bc how could he not talk to the man who’s standing in front of all that fancy alcohol and getting some fruit juice. (he’d get water but lwj has had to put up with su she all evening so he needs something stronger)

anyway they chat and it’s pleasant but then after wwx gets approached by someone who’s like wow im surprised you’re talking to lan wangji and wwx is like lan?!

cue their passive aggressive argument around the food table complete with caviar and a turkey knife. 

now bc it’s lan wangji,, instead of making scathing comebacks he just makes like factual and to-the-point statements that end up being really bitchy (or does he intend them to be that way? it’s a mix of both of them tbh but in this case he’s definitely being bitchy on purpose) and wwx is spluttering bc that boy does not stand up well against hot and mad people

nhs ends up coming over and defusing the situation but wwx makes a point of stealing the rest of the caviar off lwj’s plate before leaving 

lwj ends up ducking out early as well to avoid su she and emails wwx that night at like 9:45 bc the guilt of being so rude kept him up late and yllz is like oh no that’s so sad ): but impressive! i wish i could zing people,, my brain just turns off the second i need to make a comeback

creative liberties,, wwx is good at teasing but not being genuinely mean? lets go with that

anyway now we get the delightful montage of wwx hiding behind cheese displays and lwj walking out of coffee stores with a newspaper covering his face as they try to avoid each other

when wwx gets in the wrong line at the supermarket lwj comes over and kinda glares the checkout woman into submission and gets her to let wwx use his card which wwx is really conflicted about bc why would he help me?? and once again angry lwj = hot lwj

a few weeks later wwx ends up asking hgj for help bc business isn’t getting any better but refuses to give any details and i refuse to have lwj watch the godfather so lwj just straight up messages him and is like tear that bitch apart

and so wwx decides to tear that bitch apart and asks nhs for help. nhs, fan of the arts and small businesses and local culture, is 100% down for it and writes a scathing article about lan books and how they’re destroying all the aforementioned things nhs cares about

it ends up getting a lot of traction and people show up to protest and wwx even goes on television

lwj ends up seeing the news coverage on the matter while he’s at the gym with jzx

jzx is 100% the guy who goes to the gym just to apathetically walk on the treadmill while lwj jogs

he sees the interview with wwx and lwj is like he’s not this nice in real life and jzx is like you met him?? and lwj is like mn. then jzx is like i bet he’s not as hot and lwj is completely silent but his ears are bright red and that’s how jzx knows that wwx is just that hot

also?? lwj goes on tv and says like three words and he’s kinda annoyed how the news decided to spin that but he also said like three words so what did he expect?

but, despite all the publicity, sales don’t get any better so wwx is like fine can we meet in person and lwj is like sure

he brings jzx along bc he doesn’t know the way there, it’s not because he’s nervous and kind of in love with yllz, it’s because he doesn’t know how to get to the cafe. (it’s two blocks from his apartment)

anyway jzx is like oof man it’s seems like yllz is wwx but he is that hot so not all is lost and lwj is like yikes no not happening im not going in but he also feels bad about standing wwx up so he ends up going in and sitting down in front of wwx

and lwj is like wei wuxian, all this publicity will do nothing to save your business and wwx is like lan wangji who do you think you are (or however that scene goes) but instead of lwj being asked to leave wwx decides he’s not gonna chicken out first so they end up spending like two hours having the most aggressive cup of coffee and chat he’s ever had

lwj is exhausted but he also refuses to give up

but then wwx spits something about how lwj is some cold, heartless suit who doesn’t actually care about or appreciate books so how can he possibly dare to think that he’s better than wwx and that hurts bc lwj had thought that he’d been doing exactly that so he leaves

anyway the next morning wwx is moping around the bookstore bc he didn’t get stood up, he swears. am i not cute enough he moans to wen qing and she’s like your hgj doesn’t know what you look like. but what about my personality? is that cute enough? and wen qing eventually manages to grit out that yes it is cute enough

wen ning comes in and is like are you okay? you got stood up? that’s good! your date might have been the rooftop killer xue yang! he got caught last night! and wwx is like i wish, i just got stood up like a chump

so they ignore each other for a few weeks bc wwx is very hurt and lwj doesn’t know what he’s going to say but wwx ends up caving and emails hgj about how guilty he feels and how even though wwx probably means nothing to lwj, he’s worried that maybe he did hurt lwj and also please hgj i still want to talk to you

now hgj never says a lot, he’s always really succinct and direct but this time he takes the time to write a proper apology. it’s not an explanation bc he doesn’t want to give this up, even if the yllz he thinks he loves is the wwx that he hates, but it is an apology

the next day wwx goes to lunch with granny wen and finally dares to ask her whether it would be okay to shut the store down. he doesn’t want, of course he doesn’t want to, but he doesn’t think he can afford to keep it open. granny just tells him that it’s okay and that if the time has come, the time has come

we don’t have to worry about wwx breaking up with anyone, so he just goes home and asks nhs if he can have some space and nhs quickly packs his stuff and goes home. as he stands in the doorway with his last box of stuff he tells wwx that he’s sorry and wishes he could help more and wwx sends him this tremulous smile but manages to hold it together until nhs leaves and then he cries and cries 

the next day he goes back to work and tries to stay bubbly and cheery even as he sees all of his shelves slowly being emptied and people who haven’t stepped foot in his store in six months are telling him what a shame it is and how they wish it didnt have to come to this and wwx is internally screaming

he manages to stave off any actual screaming but when he closes up that day he ends up going to the children’s section of lan bookstore and just as he had thought, none of the staff care about the books, none of them know any books and he ends up recommending a series to some young mother

lwj, who’d spotted wwx and come over to see if whether he was here to pick a fight, comes to the awful realisation that maybe wwx is right about his store lacking heart

he goes home that night and su she tags along even though lwj just wants space and the elevator breaks. he’s sitting there on the ground listening to his neighbour talk about reconnecting with family and the elevator button pressing dude talks about getting engaged and su she is just there whining about his job and the inconvenience and lwj goes fuck this. when the elevator starts working again he grabs his rabbit and goes back down to the ground floor, ignores su she’s shouts, and goes back to his childhood home

wwx gets stuck closing his store down. he looks around at the shelves and tables he’d grown up with and sees his childhood and a-yuan’s and countless moments he’s had with people he’s loved and realises he’s going to lose it all forever. he grabs the bell, the last thing he has left of the store and closes up for the very last time

in the meantime, lwj is living the high life. he hangs out with his bunny, gets to read pride and prejudice for fun and actually manages to get all the way through it and then his brother comes to visit

apparently he’d broken up with jgy bc he was gold digger-esque and had decided to run off with someone richer and lwj is like oh thats so sad ): anyway nmj is right there and he fills your heart with joy and lxc is like have you ever had someone like that? and lwj immediately thinks of wwx and is like fuck

his first order of business is to buy wwx’s shop bc it broke my heart that she didn’t get it back in the og movie and he starts filling it with books again. he buys ten copies of his mother’s favourite books and places them on the shelf by the door and then he sees a book that reminds him of jingyi so gets some of them and he sees a book covered in daisies and thinks of wwx. and slowly, slowly he’s building up his own library, his own store, and this time every single book means something and for once lwj looks out across the floor with pride and satisfaction

his second order of business is to apologise to wwx for being a dick. he buys some daisies and goes to his place and comes in and cooks soup for wwx. lwj apologises and tells him it wasn’t personal and wwx is like that’s not true, it was personal to me and it’s personal to a lot of people and lwj understands that now. he remembers the way he’d filled wwx’s store and left his own touch and bared his heart through each of those books and he understands. he doesn’t actually say this and just tells wwx that he wants to be friends 

lwj considers coming clean about being hgj but he knows now that he definitely loves wwx and knows that wwx currently hates him but damn is it hard not to say anything when wwx is telling him how much he loves hgj

anyway he’s like organise a meeting again with hgj 

i’d say it’s ooc for lwj not to come clean but this is the man who pined for x decades and just didnt tell wwx that his son was alive so like not ooc at all

so lwj decides he’s going to woo wwx as best as he can and organises to meet up with yllz and then goes and meets with wwx and they end up going to hang out and for some strange reason, even though wwx keeps getting stood up, he doesn’t seem to care too much. he keeps agreeing to meet hgj and when he doesn’t show is more than happy to spend the rest of his day with lwj

and slowly, they start to get closer. wwx takes a sip of lwj’s coffee and lwj buys him daisies. wwx brings him an interesting book and lwj tells him about his mother. they chat freely about hgj and lwj is happy for the first time in a long time

eventually lwj organises the final meeting. wwx is really confused about the place he picked but he’s hopeful that maybe this time hgj will show. after wwx and lwj’s farmers market date ends, lwj ends up asking wwx if he could love lwj and wwx is like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation. ie stammering and blushing and eventually going oh no ill be late and running off

anyway a couple hours later wwx finds himself standing outside his old bookstore and he refuses to look at it bc he doesn’t want to see what it’s become but then, through the open door of the store, a bunny hops out and over to wwx

lwj comes running out after it calling out its name (bichen?? flopsy?? rabbit?? one of them) and wwx looks up and is like oh,, it’s you, i’d hoped it was you and he’s all teary and lwj has a handkerchief that he’d embroidered himself (with gentians of course) and he’s like dont cry yllz and then they kiss and it’s beautiful

bonus: lwj takes wwx inside the store and shows him everything and explains the meaning behind every book that they’ve picked and then wwx does cry for real bc there is definitely an entire two walls dedicated just to wwx

do they open the store as a bookstore again and work together? does wwx end up writing books?? idk up to you. i like the idea that they open the store for story time and sell children’s books but lwj still works with lan & sons to get some heart in their stores and wwx works on his own books in his spare time

[leafy-wings]

Hey. Wanna talk about your ocs?

yes  🥺

i always want to talk abt my ocs so if you see anyone specific and want me to talk about them more. i am always here

ive conveniently marked which characters are for roleplays because i have my fingers in so many pies. some of these were used for multiple rps like aglais and petrichor. heres short summaries of all of them under the cut bc its long

- AGLAIS is being used for that skywing roleplay im never in Oops! I got lost. but i love algais a lot! theyre a silk/skywing who was raised underground with out wind so their wings are all fucked up! they have light flamesilk, and are obsessed with resolving conflict and making sure everyones happy. a sunny type character yknow.

- BRISK was a character for sundown-falls on dA, idk if its active or not! im not there at least, ever. ive never used her!! idk her personality really, i liked imagining her as manic and cheerful

- BUCKTHORN and skipping a few characters HAWTHORN [and seer/sear] were for an arc 3 rewrite i had planned but probably scrapped because uhh things hard. its an au where clearsight has more leafwing partners than silkwing so there are thornwings instead of hivewings. itd be focusing more on the societal implications of a silkwing oppressive society, ft the headcanon that the hivewing mind control was a nightwing power. hawthorn has it too, previously shes very faithful to her society up until shes almost murdered for trying to investigate a case of silkwing puppetry and assassination. ah!! it follows her adventures within the underbelly of pantala, and then the second book wouldve been about buckthorn, who was always anxious, because he has a lil bit of mindreading, and he has firey palms. he goes to pyrrhia to try and ask for help, and turns into a suicide bomber. its very half baked i just wanted to make dragons

- REDACTED for DRIFT SPOILERS

- HARLEQUIN is just jewels dad. hes fucked up bro!!

- HARUSPEX was for moonborn!! i never really got into him, i love his concept, but i dont like rp where characters know each other before starting. the conceit of moonborn is three of a handful of dragons were going to fly up to the moons and no one knows what happens to them then, so hes terrified of socializing or getting close to anyone because of that. hes like.. protective and helpful but isolated. quiet.

- JEWEL!!!! might be my favorite character!!!!!!! like sometimes i forget about him or languish about writing him so so bad but seriously im so nostalgic for him and love him so much. he was for the destined, his father harlequin was a doomsday prepper [yknow like, bunkers ‘ the worlds ending soon’] before the burning and is vindicated when the world does start ending, lol. hed been training jewel to take up the mantle as fucking insane doomsday person, i really wanted to get him more of a hypochondriac and survivalist but more often than not he just was timid and friendly.. at the start of the rp!! he made good friends with wisteria and hexapod :) and then people started fighting 24/7 and fucking dying and so jewel becomes a cannibal because hes terrified of being weak and dying, he wants to prove himself worthy of being there + a sprinkling of harlequins “eat people to absorb their powers/cannibalism isnt bad” mentality. jewels kind of unhinged for the rest of the rp but still holds his friendship with wisteria and hexapod close <3 i dont think he ever did anything important or useful. but he was there!

- ORIUS was for PPAU on dA, im not active on it anymore lol! orius is FUCKING BUFF AS HELL!! shes just a huge lady and her shtick is that she is dumb as rocks and suffocatingly selfless, she loves doing work for other dragons. her parents were neglectful so she just goes into towns and does busywork for random dragons, getting super buff because she has nothing better to do and she hopes it makes people treat her better, she just loves helping others because its.. all she knows how to do to get any affection. she busts a drug smuggling ring and gets enrolled into a big cool school :]

- PETRICHOR was for dawning rain and i am hoping to reuse him for animus academy!! theyre a dramatic actor rainwing, i remember when i submitted them i added aside from their app that says theyre naive and stupid that they are literally just lying and actually pretty smart and malicious. theyre like acting childish and silly and daft as a way to get what they want and a smoke screen to commit crimes. in dawning rain they got kidnapped for 4 days and no one noticed and they were bitter about it for fucking ever. they made gay with a nightwing, tranquility, but the writer had their stuff taken away :[ petriquil 4life.

- POISON IVY was for PPAU also! they have evil fucked up leafspeak that kills plants, and theyre a paid assassin. they used to steal to survive and kill people he had beef with so he was like wait a minute. i can do both. so he affiliates with good dragons to kill bad dragons while pursuing his hobby in baking :) hes very aloof, a lil flirty, just friendly and casual.

- lets just toss puddle, nimbus, crow, and caiman into one category; this was for my roleplay, the royal division! the conceit being that the skywing and mudwings had affiliated with the other tribes [aka; took them over with force] so now the tribe is split in two, except for a collection of dragons specially chosen by a nightwing prophet. all she knows is that youve got to deal with it, and deal with it they do! ill not give details about the twist; it might just be reused for something special coming up soon... oh yeah, rouge was there too! but rouge isnt a trd character;

- ROUGE is one of my oldest characters, for my FIRST wof roleplay, refuge and rogues, run in 2018!! rouge is a skywing animus, abandoned to KISMET and WEED [kismet is my oldest wof oc! her first name was chameleon because it was before i read escaping peril], kismet and weed are part of a problem solving group called refuge where they go around the continent fixing things for dragons. or taking in eggs if you dont want them, i guess. rouge is a BAD BOY!!! hes like a rebellious teen so he splits off and makes his own version of refuge but its EVIL and for BAD BOYS LIKE HIM!! well, theyre not evil- they still help people, but CHAOTICALLY! like with CRIME! if someone took something of yours refuge would barter with them to get it back; rogues would just steal it.

- WEISS and SUPERNOVA were for the PLANNED but currently UNPLANNED sequel to the royal division, titled the rising occult! WEISS is actually not a wof oc- hes a different version of one of my mains, still named weiss! with the last word in the title you could just guess what its about. but, hey, dawning rain crowd, i had the rising occult planned in 2019 so IM the first wof cult person, HA!

- WHIRLWIND was for THE LEGENDS, i never participated just because i felt like i did not belong. but whirlwind was going to be a petrichor type character, but genuinely incompetent. theyre a rainwing who pretends to be other tribes to get things, mostly love. very silly and stupid! they have rot in their brain.

UNLISTED: is CADDIS for shattered seas, who was a cowboy pirate!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seawing/rainwing, when he was young he hung out with the wrong crowd and owed a debt with his dearest friend- the fucking weirdos who he owned the debt to had them pay in BLOOD! one of them had to die. caddis’ friend wouldnt kill him, no, but they snapped his horns off and took his eye off and pretended that caddis had died. so caddis spends his days HUNTING HIS FRIEND DOWN! and refusing to let anyone else get so close to him. i never got to unveil that in rp, instead caddis appeared, had sex, and then presumably died as the rp ended

and extras;

these are characters for my old rp, the animus code, which is currently on hiatus! they and a lot of the setting and lore will be lifted and reused for animus academy!

[buckyskorpion]

tess brain go hnnnnnnngh

hello this is only thing ive written in like a week and its for a new fic im SORRY but i thought i would post it anyway bc i have nothing else to offer hehe. it’s the beginning of my fic for laur’s writing challenge and boy oh boy has this morphed into it’s own beast. under the cut for those who dont care

“You know she’s not going to be happy about this,” Sam says.

“She’s never happy about anything,” Bucky replies. He flicks at a photograph pinned to your corkboard, your arm around some guy kissing your temple while you grin at the camera. There’s a bunch of photos just like it with the same dude; receding hairline, squinty blue eyes, tall but skinny in a vaguely malnourished way. One photo from what looks like a Halloween party catches his interest. You have a cardboard sign hanging over your shoulders to look like a square from the periodic table, and it reads ‘AH! The element of surprise’. Nerds, Bucky thinks with a scowl, and turns away from the corkboard.

Your office is nothing like he thought it would be, and that aggravates him. It’s hardly surprising - most things about you aggravate him. You have statues of Star Wars characters on your desk, a dying pot plant in the corner, books on quantum mechanics and Deutsch propositions left open and scribbled in on the coffee table. There’s too much personality left carelessly lying around, and none of it is yours. Bucky can’t wait to get the hell out of here.

Sharon walks in first, closing the door softly behind her and shoots them both a grimace. “She’s coming, but, uh- she’s not happy about this.”

“See?” Sam says, gesturing to Sharon as if she’s proving his point when Bucky agreed with him. He turns to face Sam lounging in the armchair on the other end of the room and flicks him the finger.

“Let’s try and contain this situation, shall we?” Sharon says. She’s nervous, Bucky notes, moving to stand in the middle of the room and smoothing down non-existent creases in her slacks. She refuses to look at Bucky, and that gives him a bad feeling. “Just listen to her yell for a bit. Bucky - let us do the talking, ok?”

Sharon is still not looking at him. Bucky nods instead of replying, baiting her to glance over, which she does. She trains her eyes on his nose and gives him a frankly insulting smile of recognition, immediately turning back to the door as her face drops. Bucky’s bad feeling intensifies.

Before he can try and figure out why one of the best Agents of SHIELD and former CIA operative can’t seem to pretend everything is fine, the door to the office slams open. It bounces back, smacks you in the shoulder as you storm into the room, and you push it back again with an aggravated shout. Sam rolls his lips together to smother his laugh but Bucky doesn’t bother. You turn a murderous glare onto him, and the shouting begins.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” You march up to Sharon and jab a finger in her chest, forcing her back a step. “You gave me this job, why the hell are you coming in here fucking it all up?”

“We have some new developments,” Sharon says, keeping her voice even like she’s trying to placate a feral dog. It does not have the desired effect.

“Ever thought of picking up the phone?” you shout, throwing your hands wide. “Sending a text? A letter? A carrier pigeon? Anything but showing up to my six month long deep cover mission with two of the most recognisable faces on the fucking planet! Really, Sharon? Captain America?”

“She’s right, y’know,” Sam says, smiling through Sharon’s warning glare. “My face is pretty unforgettable.”

“It’s good to see you, Sam” you say, gritting your teeth like it physically pains you to derail your tirade for some niceties. “You should’ve left Barnes at home.”

“I offered to stay in the car,” Bucky says. He smiles, all teeth, and you poke your tongue out at him.

“Do you know how difficult it has been to be stuck here playing dumb with this bunch of incels for six fucking months?” You say, spinning away from Sharon now to open the small fridge in the corner. You pull out one of those mini bottles of whiskey and down half of it, baring your teeth at the sting. “Please don’t make it all for nothing or I will kill you all, and then myself.”

“The timeline has moved up,” Sharon says. She shakes her head when you offer her the rest of your whiskey and you shrug, chugging the remaining half. Sam makes an offended noise and you grab another one, chucking it towards him as he makes grabby hands. Bucky doesn’t even bother asking.

“That’s funny, because as far as I remember it’s me who sets the timeline,” you say. “And I say it’s staying exactly the fucking same.”

“Look, I know this has been a rough mission-“

“Rough? I am watching a bunch of psychopathic virgins reinvent time travel at a snails pace whilst entertaining their neo-nazi purist ideals and I haven’t been able to physically hurt any of them? Rough is an understatement.” you say.

“Sounds terrible,” Bucky says with an eye roll. Everyone in the room turns to glare at him.

“I’d like to see you spend one day with these scumbags,” you seethe, stepping forward with your teeth bared.

“Something tells me it can’t be any worse than having my brain fried by Nazi’s, sweetheart,” Bucky says. You hate when he condescends you like that, and Bucky knows it. You make to throw the empty mini-whiskey bottle at him but Sharon steps in-between you two, holding her hands up with a disappointed frown.

“Bucky, you were supposed to leave the talking to us,” Sharon says. She turns to you and adds, “And you would do well to remember that I’m your boss, agent. I give the orders.”

“Aw, let them fight,” Sam says from the armchair. “It’ll be fun.”

“Enough,” Sharon says. She claps her hands together to regain control of the room, but it’s tenuous. To you, she says, “We need you to speed up __________’s research. Find a way, I don’t care how, but in a month they need to figure out Stark’s theory of time travel.”

“Excuse me?” You glance between Sharon, Sam, and Bucky like someone can offer an explanation but no one does. Incredulously, you say, “I’ve been here slowing them down so they don’t figure it out, and now you want me to- speed them along? Give them the answer?”

“Yes,” Sharon says. Her eyes are saying something else to only you and Bucky aches to know what it is. “Sam and Bucky have come across some new intel that requires the _____ to finish their machine. We need you to help them get there in one month’s time.”

“Am I allowed to know this new, game-changing intel?” you ask. There’s a muscle ticking in your jaw that looks set to explode any second.

“Only that there is someone who is very interested in buying into what the ________ come up with,” Sharon says. “When you’ve completed your mission, you will be fully briefed.”

“Oh, great,” you say with an eyeroll. “I love ambiguity.”

“You’re a spy,” Sam says, staring at you. “That’s literally your entire life.”

“Can we focus?” Sharon asks, shooting Sam a warning glare to which he holds his hands up in a Gesture of innocence. To you, she asks, “Do you understand your mission?”

“No,” you say simply, turning away from Sam to have a silent conversation with Sharon that involves a lot of eyebrow movements. Softly, as if no one else in the room can hear you, you say, “You know why I can’t let them figure it out.”

Sam and Bucky share a look while the two spies in the room have some kind of telepathic argument. It doesn’t seem to last long. Once again, the bad feeling in Bucky’s gut returns when you look to the floor and don’t make eye-contact with any of them again. As per usual in Bucky’s life there are things left unsaid, omitted by silence, and he itches to know what has your shoulders rounding and the fight you always fling around like confetti, dying out as quickly as it flared up.

“The goal remains the same,” Sharon says, “but as I said, the timeline has changed. We will see you in a month or so, agent.”

“I guess you will,” you say. Sam claps you on the shoulder as he walks out and Sharon hands you a dossier with your new mission parameters. Bucky always feels awkward with goodbyes, especially with people he doesn’t particularly like and who don’t like him in return. You glare at your toes and say, “Don’t even think about touching me, Barnes.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he says. He shoves his hands in his pockets as he walks past you and adds, “Don’t fuck it up.”

“You’ll know if I do,” you bite back, just as the door closes behind him. Your words follow him down the hall, past the laboratories blinking with dull red security lights and the fire exit door they left chocked open when they broke in. He doesn’t like the way that sits in his brain. It clunks around, tinkering with things he’d rather leave untouched.

Spies, Bucky thinks. They always find a way to get inside his head.

[lostinyourparadise98]

Space

A/n: This one is a little sad, but its the mood I'm in so im sorry ): It gets better towards the end I promise. 

This was inspired by the song I found, by Amber Run! Take a listen if you would like.

WARNING: Talk of depression, language, heated argument and a light drizzle of smut.

ALSOOOO i apologize that none of my work is edited!!! I always write super late at night so my brain is always half melted. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense ehehehe!!! I'm trying my best (:

requests are still open!

“I don't know what you want me to say.” I hear the sound of my own voice and wince at the harsh tone. Shawn's face drops as he endures the impact from it. The sun begins to set, the light orange, pink, and purple illuminate around his entire body, causing him to have a heavenly glow. He sits on our mattress, a tight, white tank top hugging his body perfectly, the necklace he always wears peaking from beneath the cloth, His hair in its natural state. A single curl falls in front of his face hovering over his hazel eyes. His eyes, my God I could completely lose myself in those eyes.

He looks up at me his mouth pressed in a thin line. Concern dances across his face as he waits for me to finish speaking.

“You don't have to say anything baby, I just want you to stop pushing me away.” His voice is soft, and filled with patience. For some reason I can't accept his kindness, I can't accept him, I just feel angry. 

“Im not pushing you away.” I wrap my arms across my chest, tugging on the cardigan that falls loosely off my body.

“Y/n you can't even look at me..” I stare down at my feet as I feel the lump in my throat begin to grow.He doesn't understand, he could never understand. 

“y/n, baby please I am worried about you.”He slowly rises to his feet and makes his way towards me. I feel my heart begin to beat rapidly against my chest. He slowly slides his hands up and down my arms, attempting to relax me.

“There is nothing wrong Shawn.” My sentence comes out weaker than I would have liked.

“I know you like the back of my hand, you're not acting like you.” he brings his thumb and pointer finger under my chin and raises my head to look up at him. We stay looking at each other for while. I feel him begin to lean down, he closes his eyes  but before our lips can touch I push him away. 

The hurt expression on his face tugs on my heart. Why am I doing this? Why can't I just let him in? Before I can process what is happening, my mouth is running wild.

“Jesus Shawn, why can't you just fuck off just give me fucking space. You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be okay, just fuck off.” My skin is burning in anger, my face wet from the tears that trickle down my face. 

I push past him and make my way to the window, letting the sun light spill into my skin. Im making this worse, Why do I keep fucking everything up?

My back faces him, I can hear him walk across the floor as it creaks. I can feel his eyes burning into the back of my body.

“I love you more than anything on this fucking Earth. I don't get why you can't see that, why you refuse to believe that there is someone in this world who would do absolutely anything for you. I love you and I respect you, but you can't just blow up on me like this and expect me to be okay with it. I understand that you are going through something right now, but you can't treat me like this. We have to communicate y/n, please don't do this.”

My chest feels like a hundred bricks have just been dropped on it. The sound of his voice wraps around me like a blanket, I want nothing more than to give in, to fall into his arms, but my pride won't let me.

“Just leave, please just leave.” I feel myself begin to cry harder.

“You know I can't do that.” I quickly snap around to face him.

“Whats stopping you, huh? Everyone else in my life has done it, you can do it too!” I walk closer to him till we are face to face.

“Y/n I-”

“Dont! Just fucking don't!” I yell 

“Leave Shawn.” I shout 

“Im not leaving you like this y/n.”

“Leave!” I bring my hands to his chest and push him as hard as I can, he barely budges.

“Leave!” I repeat this action over and over again until he grabs my writs. I can feel my breathing quicken as the tears fall down my face. 

“Baby you need to calm down you're going to make yourself sick.” I drop to my knees and bury my face in my hands. I feel Shawn race to my side wrapping his arms around my tiny frame.

“It hurts Shawn, It hurts so bad I don't know how to make the hurt go away.”

“My love you don't have to do this on your own. I am here for you, I will aways be here for you.” He gently pulls my hands from my face and rests his forehead against mine.

“If I could take every ounce of pain in your heart and pour it into mine I would. I am so in love with you and it kills me to think that you made yourself believe that I'm going to leave you. Baby, I am not going anywhere, you are it for me. You are my laughter, you are my hope, my joy, my entire fucking heart. I love you so much it honestly hurts.” He grabs my hand and places it on his chest, over his heart, its racing.

“You feel that? It beats for you, and only you.” His eyes begin to water 

“Let me in love, I want to see all of you. The good, the bad, the ugly I will be here through all of it. You can count on me baby, you can lean on me. You don't have to carry this weight anymore.”His voice is barely above a whisper.

“I don’t deserve you.” My voice is hoarse from all the crying.

“Don't talk like that.” He whispers 

I crawl towards him till I am sitting on his lap. I waist no time time burying my face into his neck wrapping my arms tightly around him. He does the same, sliding his hand up and down my back, an action he knows always helps me calm down. I will never get over this boys hugging abilities. We sit in this position for what seems like years, till I pull away and crash his lips with mine. 

There is so much want in this kiss, so much need, I can feel every ounce of his love pooling into my heart. His tongue taste like mint and peach, a flavor that I will never get tired of. My hands make there way to his hair as I tug at the soft curls that poke off of his head. His hands stay firmly on my hips, pulling me as close to him as humanly possible.His tongue tangles with mine, our breathing grows heavy as we try to catch our breath.

I pull my lips away from him, earning a loud whine. I place my lips on his neck, an action I know drives him crazy. He can't help the throaty moan that falls from his lips as I hit his sweet spot.

I.love.you.” I say between each kiss. 

Our eyes meet again as he rests his hand on my cheek.

“I Love you more.” My heart skips a beat 

“Im so sorry for everything, I am so sorry-” He cuts me off with another sweet kiss.

“Its okay.”

“No its not, I shouldn't have treated you like that. I love you so much and you have no idea how much I need you.”

“I need you just as much y/n.” He whispers 

“I don't think thats possible.” He bites his perfect pink lips.

“Let me show you how much I love you.” He scoops me up in his arms and carries me bridal style. I giggle as he gently lays me down on the mattress. He hovers over me, his necklace slowly swaying back and forth. I gently grab the necklace between my fingers and tug at it, pulling him down to kiss me again. Shawn pecks my lips softly smiling into the kiss. He pulls away raising his arms over his head to pull his shirt off.

“Wait, don't take it off yet.” Confusion washes over his entire face.

I sit up flipping the position so I am the hovering him.

“I wanna do it.” A big grin spreads across his face. I take my time running my fingers down his broad chest and over his abs till I reach the bottom of his shirt. I lift the fabric revealing his delicious skin.

I want to lick every part of this body. 

I pull his shirt upward till I get closer to his head. He lifts his hands over his head, allowing me to lift it off of him completely. He attaches his lips to mine once again. I bring my hand to his cheek, slowly rocking my hips back and forth over his crotch. He lets out a hungry moan and I almost fall apart right there. I detach my lips from his and bring them to his collar bone, I begin to gently suck on his skin leaving a mark as he sighs in content. I go down further, licking over his chest till I reach the bottom of his belly. His breathing speeds up as I come in contact with the belt of his pants.

I fumble with his belt, the cool metal clinking together as I rip it off, and unzip his pants. We both laugh as he wiggles, urgently trying to get his pants off. He kicks them to the ground, his breath hitches in his throat as I place my hand over his bulge, massaging it gently.

“Fuck.” he curses, throwing his head back in pleasure. 

He’s so responsive to me, watching him unbundle under my touch drives me absolutely insane. I bring my hands to the waistband of his calving Klein underwear, before I can pull them down he stops me.

“Not yet love.” He flips us over again, geez we do that a lot.

I throw my shirt over my head as he unbuckles my bra, revealing my breasts. He leans down kissing each one sweetly.

“You are breath taking y/n.” I feel my cheeks heat up.

He copies my actions, starting with my neck and slowly licking his way down to my pants. He pulls my pants off with ease as he kisses my hip bones causing me to squirm bean the him.

“So beautiful.” he whispers 

I look down at him as he becomes face to face with my underwear. He places a kiss directly on my core, teasing me. 

He looks up at me smirking, as he brings his head to the waist band of my panties pulling them down with his teeth. What is he doing to to me? He is going to be the death of me. 

I spread my legs open as he places a kiss directly on my inner thighs, bringing his head closer to my exposed skin, blowing on it gently. He knows what he's doing, as he giggles at my whine. I buck my lips trying to earn any type of friction. 

He moves head head away from my thighs and crawls back up to me, till his mouth is right next to my ear.

“Im going to make you feel so good baby. Im going to show you how much I need you, how much I want you. Is that okay with you?”

I nod my head unable to speak.

“Say it out loud baby, I want to hear you say it.”

“I want you.” I say breathlessly

He slides his hand down, spreading my legs open again. He circles hands over the sensitive bundle of nerves that are left just for him. 

“What do you want me to do?” He whispers seductively 

“Touch me.” I whine again 

“I am touching you.” He can be a little shit sometimes 

“I want you to make love to me.” He kisses the tip of my nose

“Till there are no spaces between us?”

My heart melts at the love in his eyes. 

“Till there are no spaces between us.” I reply

The End.

I was going to continue buuuuuuuut I chickened out hehehehehehe maybe next time. Don't worry... y/n and Shawn will go all the way soon enough!!!

I hope you enjoyed I'm sorry this was so emo. 

[sleepychai-fics]

Keith x Reader - A Lion’s Comfort

Not requested just something i thought up of and procrastinated on.

trigger warning: putting a small one on panic attacks nothing too severe it just talks about the procedure of a panic attack and what occurs.

i just dont want anyone to be triggered by anything i write so im trying to be careful with these.

no pronouns = gender neutral

Tag List:

@fanderrawr​ @thecinnabitch​ @dontcallmecedge​

Words: 1990

trigger warning starts straight away

Too much. It’s all too much. The voices, inside and outside, talking ceaselessly. The air begins to grow heavy, as if my lungs refuse to fill up completely. I feel my body begin to shake, most evidently my hands. I barely comprehend my movement as my feet start to shuffle back. It isn’t until I hit a door do I turn around, finally managing to sprint away from the room, the automatic door barely managing to open up in time to let me pass.

Black spots encase my vision, my breaths getting shorter and shorter with every second that passes. I want to stop, to collapse, to pass out, but a gentle force pulls me down the corridor.

It’s unexplainable, but it’s as if the force is providing me the energy to keep running, to stop myself from falling down, numbing my senses in a way.

Many rooms pass me, I barely recognise what they are and even where I am at this point, but something keeps pulling me. Countless turns later I find myself slowing down towards an isolated door. It opens automatically, letting me collapse through.

Through my clenched shut eyes, I hear the door close. My breathing comes in painful, short gasps, my lungs barely allowing enough air in. Tears freely flow from my eyes, no chance in stopping them anytime soon.

I struggle to push myself up against the wall, but I manage to do so, with barely any strength left.

I stay there, body pushed against the wall, my chest heaving painfully as my lungs continue to refuse the breath they desperately need. I cough and wheeze in pain, I almost don’t recognise myself sliding down the wall, laying down against the wall.

My head pounds in tremendous pain, my ears ringing in constant pain. I scratch down the wall, my fingers straining for something to grip onto.

Just as I feel myself droop towards unconsciousness, I feel that same force that lead me here. It’s as if now it’s giving me the breath I need as I manage to inhale a big gulp of air. Then another one.

A few minutes pass of just lying there, slowly recovering as oxygen once again circulates around my body. My head stops pounding and the ringing in my ears dial down to a minimum. I feel my arms slowly regain their lost strength.

I lay there, gasping and groaning, my heart beat slowing down from its previous raced pace. I open my eyes, the black spots disappearing after a few passing seconds.

I blink up at the high ceiling, tears escaping and dribbling down my face. I weakly turn my head, wanting to get a proper look of the room I currently occupy, only to come to a different realisation.

Red’s glowing yellow eyes seem to stare at me, her body being poised in a cautious stance. Not threatening but more like fear of getting to close. I hear her purring rumble throughout my ears, as if it’s right next to me.

I look around, confirming to myself that I’m in her hangar. Her soothing purrs resonate throughout my mind, letting me relish in tranquillity and peace. I use the wall to my advantage and grip it, using it to help me stand up.

I grunt and tighten my grip on the wall, my legs shaking underneath me, still getting used to their regained strength.

I refocus my gaze on Red, realising her change in stance.

She’s a little bit closer to me now, this time laying down on her stomach. I stare at her, her yellow eye glinting at me. I feel her communicate with me, ideas and realisation flooding into my brain.

“You….You brought me here?” My voice is strained and raspy, small droplets of tears still spilling from my eyes.

Her reply comes shortly after. I gasp as images of Keith flashes through my vision, a feeling of peace and contentment washing over me.

“Keith?” I whisper.

Red purrs once again, feeding me with more emotions, surges of faith, certainty, and assurance rushing through me.

I stare at her in disbelief. “Keith trusts me?” I ask her.

Her purring reply clearly indicating a yes.

I look away briefly, piecing together her meaning. I slowly look back at her, noticing her head being propped between to two front paws.

“Keith trusts me, a lot. So, now…you trust me?” I question her.

I don’t expect the affirmative answer that rushes to me. I let out a surprising squeak as her mouth hisses open, the ramp slowly descending towards me. I stare at it in slight fear and confusion, before Red purrs in reassurance.

I stare at her cautiously, flicking from her eyes to the extended ramp. I make up my decision, balancing myself on my feet before staggering towards the ramp. I slowly waddle up the ramp, placing my hand on her mouth, using it as support. I look ahead, red lights glowing and surging with energy, urging me to continue forward. I do so in a slow, balancing pace. As I make it to the top of her mouth, I turn back, staring as the ramp slowly retreats back into Red. I return my gaze in front of me, a t-intersection a few steps ahead, one leading up some stairs and another leading down another straight hallway.

I stare in shock and amazement as the stairs light up in a bright red. I smile lightly and walk up the stairs, hands gripping the rails in support. The stairs lead me to another single hallway, the end of it extending to a circular room. As I enter the room, a door slides open.

I stare at the door as it opens and reveals Red’s cockpit.

Lights illuminate in a bright and dull red. A wave of tranquillity washes over me as the once dark screens flicker awake and reveals the hangar.

I slowly step towards the control panel, looking at the screen and getting a bird’s eye-view of the hangar. The floor seems to grow farther away as Red returns to her usual sitting position. I let out a content sigh and smile. I look at the seat behind me, seeing the cushions of the seat glow a faint red, almost luring me towards it.

I hesitantly place my hand on the arm rest. After seeing nothing change, I reluctantly sit down in it. It’s almost as if the chair was welcoming me as warmth sprouts through me. A sense of relief and security floods through me.

I smile again, bringing my knees to my chest and leaning back, my thumb gently caressing the armrest.

“Thank you, Red.” I whisper.

Red purrs once again. Before I even sense it, I let my eyes close, welcoming the peaceful sleeps that awaits me.

I startle awake, arms instinctively clinging to the closest object.

“Hey! It’s just me. Calm down, I’ve got you.” Keith’s voice calms me down as I quickly regain my composure, Keith’s arms securing me in a bridal hold.

I stare at him in a sleepy haze before looking around. The lights in the cockpit changed from their bright luminescent glow to a dim glow. The screen is turned off and the control panel gleams slightly, being the only light that barely lights up the room.

I look back at Keith who eyes me with worry and caution. Tears sting my eyes and I fight profusely against them. I bury my head into his chest, hugging him tighter with my arms.

“I’m sorry Keith.” Sobs threaten to escape.

“Shhh Shhh, don’t cry. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Keith assures me, his thumb brushing my shoulder as he begins to slowly trek out of the cockpit. I feel Red’s calming purrs rupture through the bond, quickly exterminating the threatening tears.

I breath heavily into his chest using Red’s purring and Keith’s warmth as comfort and support.

I wince as bright lights shine through my eyes lids, white consuming my vision. I blearily blink away the temporary blindness and peek out of Keith’s chest. One look at Allura and Shiro and I squint away the tears, once again burying my face into Keith’s chest.

Keith stops his movement and hugs me closer to him, mumbling something to Allura and Shiro. I tune out to the conversation and nuzzle further into Keith. I feel his thumb give assuring strokes across my shoulder.

A few seconds later Keith begins to walk again. I feel him shift slightly as we walk further down the hallways. Minutes later I hear a door hiss open and the bright lights are substituted for dim lights.

The warmth of Keith disappears and I feel him lower me onto the softness of the mattress. I whine and tighten my hold on his neck as his arms slither away from me.

“(Y/n), calm down.” He whispers, hands gently clasping my arms. I open my eyes and blearily stare at him. “Let me take off my armour and I’ll come right back to you. I promise.”

I slowly loosen my grip and let him guide my hands down to the mattress. He smiles gently down at me before dipping down and pecking my forehead. He stands up almost immediately after.

I watch him carefully as he makes quick action in removing his armour, revealing his black shirt and pants. He dumps his armour against the wall and strides back over to me.

I shift back, giving him more room to slip in. He situates himself on his side, grabbing the blanket and pulling it up. I feel his arm snake underneath me and begin to drag me closer to him. I comply and nestle into his warm embrace. He tucks the blanket around me, coating me in warmth and contentment.

Once ensuring I’m almost completely consumed in the blanket, he places a protective hand on my head.

“What lead you to Red?” His voice barely breaks through the silence of the room.

I reply with the same hushed quietness. “She did.”

“What do you mean?” His confusion completely laces with his voice.

“I don’t really know how to explain it. I just felt the need to run, I didn’t even know where I was going ‘til I got there. It was like she was giving me the energy to run and lead me to her.”

Keith remains silent for a few seconds, the silence speaking his mind. He then nuzzles my nose and pecks his lips on my hair, placing his hand atop my head, pulling me flush against him.

I relax against him, hearing his heart beat rhythmically in his chest.

“I’m sorry for dragging you there tonight. I should’ve known you wouldn’t have been comfortable.” He apologises whilst combing his fingers through my hair.

I scoff. “It was my decision to go. I thought I would be able to handle it.” I nuzzle my nose into his neck, breathing in his husky scent.

“I know but I should’ve at least looked out for you.” Keith moves his legs, laying them atop mine in a protective manner.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters now is that you’re here.” I assure him as my fingers play on the ends of his mullet.

It’s then do I feel another purr emit from Red, thoughts of care and respect seeping into my mind.

Keith pulls away and looks down at me with open shock. I stare at him with wonder and disbelief. I feel my spine shudder as Red continues her purring, extending the thoughts to admiration.

A smile breaks out onto Keith’s face and before I have time to react, he kisses my noses.

“She likes you.” His voice is giddy and careless. “Fuck I love you so much.”

I giggle at his excitement and snuggle into him. Our quiet giggles are silenced, our soft breathing being the only quiet sound remaining.

In a matter of minutes, we fall asleep in content, tangled up in each other’s embrace.

[mcdanhoe]

You should totally do 29 or 31 from that prompt list : )

hi zara ilyyy thank you for this, sorry for answering so late, i just haven’t felt like writing up until now, so im gonna combine the two :)

“Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now” and “Stop biting that fucking lip!”

***

The air conditioning was buzzing in Danny’s ear, invasive but a complete necessity with the oppressive humidity that had overtaken Oahu in the past three days. The sun had set, the sky a dark blue peppered with glittering stars. Tani, Lou, and Junior had left already, calling it quits after the case had been closed and the paperwork was finished. Only him and Steve were left, both attempting to finish their work in their respective offices.

Unfortunately for Danny, the air conditioning was barely working in his room, making it nearly impossible for him to concentrate and finish up the last of his paperwork. For Steve and the others (besides for Lou), this particularly sticky heat was something they were used to, but despite living in Hawaii for nearly a decade now, Danny still could not adjust. He had already peeled off his dress shirt and slipped on an undershirt, in a lame attempt to stave off the inevitable stickiness and sweating.

It wasn’t working.

The pen in Danny’s hand was slicked with sweat from his palm, and Danny slams it down in frustration. He sits back in his chair, running his hand through his hair, scrunching his nose in disgust as the sweat from his hand slicks his hair back. He tilts his head back against the top of the chair and huffs out a breath, staring at the ceiling. 

“Hey, Danny,” he hears what he immediately recognizes as Steve’s voice, coming from the entrance of his office. 

Danny picks his head up and sits up slightly in his chair, and glances at his partner before leaning forward and slumping his head in his arms on his desk. 

He hears a few footsteps coming towards him. “Oh, geez, it’s fuckin’ boiling in here, man, what the hell?” Steve’s voice goes up an octave. Danny picks his head up and rests his chin in his palm, his elbow leaning against the corner of his desk. “Why didn’t you come work in my office or somethin’?” Steve asks.

“I don’t know, I can barely think right now. Somehow I’m more stressed out now than I was during the entirety of this case, which is slightly terrifying and concerning, but I’m choosing to ignore it in favor of sitting here and torturing myself,” Danny mutters, and Steve cocks an eyebrow in response. “I don’t know, I’m hungry and tired and- fuck, I hate this stupid island so much with its unbearable heat and stickiness and I wanna go home right now but I can’t bring myself to get out of my stupid chair,” Danny complains, waving an arm around to gesture his frustration.

“I see,” is all Steve says, and he moves toward the desk and picks up the papers directly in front of Danny. “I got this, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it tomorrow morning,” Steve insists, and Danny doesn’t even try to fight back.

“Thank you,” he replies, and the warm look on Steve’s face makes an involuntary, small smile spread on Danny’s face. “Okay, carry me to my car,” he jokes and holds his arms out in Steve’s direction.

Steve chuckles in response and reaches out, interlacing his hand with one of Danny’s and tugging him up to his feet. “Let’s go, lazy ass,” Steve teases, and Danny is standing directly in front of him, their hands still interlaced. Danny loses his balance for a moment, stumbling as he’s pulled up, but Steve uses his free hand to ground him. “Alright,” Steve intones and shoots Danny a smirk.

The two men stand there, in the middle of Danny’s office. Steve’s hands are still on Danny, one on his shoulder and the other interlaced with Danny’s. The throbbing, pulsating pain at Danny’s temples is nearly unbearable, stinging with every eruption of pain. Steve is looking down at the blond man, his eyes expressive, tenacious, a myriad of colors and emotions that could easily see through.

Danny feels his heart beating, rapid and untamed, tumultuous in his ears. His mind is muggy, he feels as though his every thought is being dragged through heavy, sticky mud before it could reach him, which is why his mouth starts moving before his brain has cleared the thick sludge away from his next thought. Before his brain can process and determine the fate of the thought, which, in any other scenario, he would’ve swiped away with embarrassment and refused to say aloud, his mouth moves on its own. Which is why before his brain can react, he says this:

“Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now?”

Which, uh, okay, Danny did not clear that for release, he does not remember allowing his mouth to say such a childish and movie-esque line. God, Danny thinks, how stupid am I to reveal my deep-seated love for my work partner and best friend with a cheesy, cliche question that should be paired with a string quartet and romantic lighting?

No, there’s no romantic lighting or gentle, caressing music that follows, rather there’s harsh, white lighting and stifling heat, and Steve standing in front of him with wide eyes and reddened cheeks, in his dumb cargo pants and his stupidly-tight black t-shirt that has been the star of many of Danny’s fantasies (if he’s being honest). Steve’s hands don’t move, but the look on his face falters, his head jerks back in surprise.

Danny tries to open his mouth to say something, to take it back and cover up the messy, oozing mire that had fallen out so quickly from the crevices of his brain, but it was too late. Danny had spoken his mind, albeit unwillingly, and he was going to have to face the music- and it was not going to be a string quartet, Danny assumes.

“Yes.”

The single word is announced, floating in the air, and Danny thinks he’s imagining it, thinks his brain is so muddled by the heat, the exhaustion, the headache, everything. Danny thinks he’s imagining it, but he finally brings himself to look back up at Steve and is greeted by a timid smile, darkening eyes that were unmistakably saying the same thing that had just come out of his mouth. 

“Y-yes?” Danny echoes, and he flinches at the roughness of his voice.

“Yes, Danny, yes, I wanna kiss you,” Steve chuckles, and before Danny can even react, his best friend is leaning in, sliding his hand up Danny’s shoulder to lightly grip the back of his neck. Their lips meet, Danny’s are embarrassingly dry and he stumbles forward, trying to reach up to close the distance between him and the taller man. Their hands are still intertwined, and Danny loosens his from Steve’s and uses it to grab his waist and pull him in closer.

The kiss deepens as their bodies are pressed closer together, Danny’s lips slotting perfectly with Steve’s. It’s delicious, a warmth that Danny’s body quickly acclimates to. Steve flattens his hand on Danny’s neck and pushes it up, running his fingers through Danny’s hair. His other hand meets with Danny’s jaw, caressing the area where his jaw meets his ear, his thumb rubbing back and forth.

Steve opens his mouth and Danny understands that as him giving him permission to deepen the kiss and slip his tongue in. Their tongues touch and Danny has never felt more weak, more human, more enveloped in the sense of overwhelming desire than he does right now. He and Steve, standing in the middle of his office, in the middle of headquarters, in the middle of the place where they went from strangers to partners to friends to best friends, to… whatever they were now- this made sense to Danny, it fit perfectly. They were two men, two partners, two best friends, and nothing in the world mattered except for this moment in time, with Steve flicking his tongue over Danny’s, his grip on Steve’s torso tightening as their kiss turned into something more, something that neither of them had known before, and it terrifies Danny half to death but god, he would do anything to understand it more.

Danny’s thoughts are no longer muddied, they are crystal clear, running through him like a waterfall, each thought like a spark as he tugs at Steve’s bottom lip with his teeth.

He doesn’t know who breaks the kiss, but Danny finds himself out of breath, his chest heaving and an involuntary smile on his face once again. “I uh, I don’t,” he breathes out, and he’s staring up at Steve who looks thoroughly wrecked, his lips, as cliche as it sounds, were swollen, red and parted, his pupils were dark.  “I don’t know why I said that, but, uh, I don’t have an excuse for it.”

“Really? That’s what you’re gonna say right now?” Steve pipes, and his hand is still hovering near Danny’s neck.

A surge of heat runs over Danny’s body, and he bites his cheeks as he tries to hold back a smile.

“What? What’s so funny, Danno?” Steve presses, and Danny rubs his tongue over his lip, pausing for a moment as he tries to bite back a smile, his bottom lip between his teeth. “Stop biting that fucking lip, Danny, I swear to-”

Danny cuts Steve off by pushing up on his tiptoes and crashing into his lips, and Steve tightens his grip on Danny’s neck again. This time the kiss is more desperate, more teeth, more tongue, more heat. Steve pushes Danny back, and the back of his legs hit his desk. Danny, in a moment of heat, surges forward and grips both of Steve’s arms and flips them around, pushing Steve into the desk. 

The kiss breaks for a moment, and Danny runs his thumb over Steve’s bottom lip as the taller man sits on the edge of the desk. Steve bites the tip of Danny’s thumb, teasing him, and Danny pulls it away in favor of kissing him again. The kiss is slower, Danny leaning his weight on the bigger man, both hands on either of his hips.

They kiss for a while, exploring the newfound contact that left them both breathless and hungry for more. Eventually, it wasn’t kissing, just light pressing of lips and touching of skin and small gasps of breath and humming, but it was everything Danny wanted, and more.

“You still wanna go home?” Steve asks, teasing Danny as he stood up. Danny interlaces their hands once again, their fingers pressed firmly against one another. Steve gets up from the desk and purposely bumps into his partner.

“Yes,” Danny replies after a moment, and grabs his keys from his desk. “Let’s go home,” he concludes, and hands the keys to his partner. 

***

hope you enjoyed!!! i literally just wrote it and didn’t proofread so pls dont hate me. send me more asks/prompts if you want :))))))))

[rallsa]

rant. personal.

i dont even know what to say. i just feel so lonely. you guys are here but it feels like youre not here at the same time. im a friend but im not. im liked but am i really? this isnt anyones fault. i feel so disjointed from you all. i feel like the jigsaw piece that doesnt fit. i cant find a place even though im meant to be there. why do i feel like this? you tell me constantly that you love me, that you find me interesting, that i cant be replaced. im funny, arent i? im kind, arent i? why cant i feel that myself? whats wrong with my brain that makes me like this? why cant i trust your words? i want to. i want to be able to understand what you see, but it feels like a foreign land. i was so excited to let you see what i had been holding back. i thought it would be funny, a good way to pass the time. i cant. the thought of it now brings me anxiety. if i wasnt allowed to then, why bother now? its as if ive gotten access to a place where im unwelcome. i know its not true, but i cant help but wonder if my presence there is an annoyance to the rest of you. its why i dont speak there, why i refuse to look. maybe if my presence there is forgotten i too can forget how terrifying this new terrain is. im a stranger in my own area, too. treading delicately as if one wrong move will ruin it all, make it collapse. i apologise for my constant voice, even though this is supposed to be my own place, a safe haven for myself. i dont want you to think less of me. i understand that what i do is pathetic, i only have one other person than you. why am i so lonely? i know, deep down, why. and it hurts still, to know. i want to break the walls. i want to better myself, so that maybe i wont hate the way i am. i want to let you see in, see what there is. i cant. i cant let you feel the same things i do. that isnt fair on you, letting you know my burdens and bear the brunt of them as well. perhaps its selfish of me, to write it here. theres a good chance you'll see, and you'll know. you'll know how much of a coward i am, that i cant tell you this myself. its easier this way, if you wonder. if i shove it to the void, i can never know whether you see, but if i place it right there, right in front of you, i know you do. im terrified of what you think of me, and yet its one of the few things that keep me going. that keep me from spiralling again, and again, and again. im sorry. i know this is a lot to take in. i hope i didnt disturb you again.

[aitian]

5:43 am 12/29/2020

end of year.

feels right to revisit how i looked this yr on photobooth. most ppl only knew me through my webcam. i dont have many thoughts abt who i am or what im doing these days. mostly playing video games with alice. we smoked together a few days ago & i still feel like im in deadtime. like maybe i cant remember the important things im supposed to from the past. & rly existential lately. the panic is just in my throat, thinking abt how fast time is going & how there is no way back. i think there is a carceral logic behind the entrapment that all us depressed & anxious kids feel.. like the inadequacy of being alive, the failure to feel like a beautiful future is unfolding. im not sure anyone feels that way these days, & maybe thats why they r all holding on so desperately. all empires fall. im so grateful to be able to feel moms body & be her child these days. i just wanna lay my head on someones chest & feel good, warm, soft, coarse fabrics. also feeling anxious abt my classes, turning in the same essay that isnt rly an essay to all of my profs. oops. it was rly the best i could manage. vestigial body... i will finish writing smth i feel proud abt one day, & it will be written to myself. like this. 

idk when the last time i wrote was, but maybe i wanna talk abt my relationships. feels like i got a hard reset on my brain by smoking with alice. oh god. anyway i havent been talking to sherry & adele recently bc i just dont feel right around them. in november remembering again what it felt like to feel so unwelcome all the time, feel that energy & those manners replicated by them toward me.. ik i should just talk to people frankly abt the things im uncomfortable with at home now that i have so much practice doing it but i just dont want to. somehow it feels like they should all just know, that they are living alongside me all this time in various ways even if i am not saying things to them, & our actions that connect us in relationship are felt by them too. & there is some part of refusal to see the relationship for what it is. im not begging for some trans pity or for commitment.. those kinds of relationship arent real. what is real is wanting to spend time with me, wanting to experience some sort of exchange between bodies, wanting to walk toward near horizons. feels like everyone who listens & agrees when i speak just does it to be amicable. there are only so many ways i can reassure myself that ppl understand me for who i am, even when they are constantly being led astray to hurt me. like alice saying its good for doctors to have objective views of their patients, outside of any other relationship. mom saying that she trusted our teachers to teach us what we needed. getting weirdly gendered messages from friends at home, & never asked in good faith about how i feel. its rly so shitty that even questions like how was the day or what ru thinking rn or whats on the horizon r things they want me to ask, then dont want to answer, & make fun of bc they feel awkward saying anything. so stupid. its this kind of shit that holds me back from letting my desires be known, these rituals of repression & shame. & i always wanna hear ppls desires & then immediately regret asking to know that our relationship is in direct conflict with their utopias. so stupid.

today after dinner, which was in the late evening, mom & alice & i did some short yoga stuff & then we did silly lion dancing. im still sore. i stretched out everything that felt sort afterward. anyway, felt good to be goofy & sweat & breathe hard. 

what im feeling abt this year: - vestigial body x1000 --> dark room, heart beating fast, waiting & squeezing. theres that episode of midnight gospel when the dying dog/reindeer lady talks abt giving birth & dying, like squeezing & tensing & on no this moment will never end & then releasing & coming to rest & then all over again. & that is what i think abt every time i feel in panic now, or in a deep place of fear. there r some pains that cant be escaped, & they dont need to be. they r felt all the same.  - i made a new friend through q&a who is a kid im supposed to b mentoring. it just means that all relationships are reciprocal (i dont like that word either, but they r never simply one way or transactional) & we met every thursday during the school yr. i prepared short stories for us to read & writing prompts, & we wrote abt stuff.  - i just cant remember. all i remember abt this summer was going to stone valley with mom, feeling the sunlight & my tiredness (in an enveloping selse, toward my body & my spirit), playing games w sherry, playing some piano, & working on that fire emblem romhack. feels like the year went by so quickly. like i just had my birthday a few days ago, & now the new year means it is coming again soon. sometimes whole lives are vestigial. what is gruesome & magnificent abt that is that those vestigial bodies are hard to kill without clear intentions & collective effort. what sucks is the entrapment. i have been feeling this cant remember feeling in a bigger way, toward what my life was like before college, toward who i was in college now that i am so removed, & even more toward the kid whose world blossomed into smth they desperately desired & felt afraid of. middle school me would be horrified. maybe an even younger me would be proud, feel in awe or struck by the rightness of home. - i want to remember mom. the way she walks around with her hands in her pockets. 帅吗。:). how we skip/gallop sideways to avoid the wind on our walks, & she bounces when she walks like a silly kid. i love her. unruly gender, stubbornness of feelings, failure failure failure is why we r hurt but also why we r rly still allowed to be here. thinking abt moms essay, moving away from her grandma, thinking she would live together again someday. thinking abt how im home this yr, in a way i thought maybe i would never be ever again. its so cruel to leave love behind for the sake of a ritualized life i could never participate in. i wont do it. i just wont.

some feelings abt the coming year - i want to meet someone like myself & fall in love. deeply, with myself, in relationship. i wanna have sex too, & feel held in my being alive. i wanna be allowed to enjoy my body in even more regards like wearing short sleeves & feeling the sun on my arms free from dysphoria, existing in public not noticeably & feeling the evaporation of racial tension, waking up with that feeling of possibility, like i want to be alive & eat food & go outside & do those things in my body that remind me that i am a part of how the rest of this world is growing. i wanna be held in that knowing, together, of wellness & movement toward everything that means we matter to each other.  - playing video games has been so important to this vestige & i dont want it to remain that way. i wanna collect stuff & grow stuff in real life, & grow myself & my relationships too. its not living when its the mourning of the freedom i should have always had & should have every moment i am continuing to life unfreely. - i wanna do some stuff to express gratitude to the ppl i have continued some sort of relationship with. feel bad abt how no one has emailed me back in more than a month now. maybe wanna do a q&a chapbook or yearbook. complex feelings bc i am so not in relationship with the ppl i wanna care abt. it sucks. part of that is letting go of guilt too, & being real with myself abt how much responsibility is on the other body to make me feel okay in our relationships. its rly not my fault that, u kno.. everyone is used to making someone like me feel like shit. sad that my most continuous relationships this yr r with professors. those dumb feelings of obligation r killer. i guess im grateful to be legible in some ways, while feeling the intensely awkward unwillingness to be real abt our positions relative to each other. i think lots more happening in this regard in the coming months w classes, blk atlantic ecologies, maybe smth w prof lee. & sometimes thinking abt what grad school would mean. - i wanna feel slow, i wanna feel like myself, i wanna feel free. some feelings r sitting in the garden on my own in the spring, planting some stuff. thinking abt what it might grow into, coming back again & again. the sun ducks behind clouds & comes back out, & the world feels so light & passing by. & time feels forever, like i have so much patience to dream & breathe & observe. this is one of my early memories, watching shadows on the concrete/sidewalks at preschool, feeling warmer then colder then warmer again. i also wanna feel the kind of collectivity that makes me know we all insist on home. i want it to branch beyond this home that i know. & also mean that i will not throw this away. im thinking abt how to exist intimately with more than one person at once. it is smth i will learn as it comes into my life.

[chaotic-noceur]

cramming this into todays schedule before class starts because I refuse to let this sit in my ‘to read’ list any longer. also cuz I was thinking about being a badass and mando being impressed and then went shit, el wrote a fic for this. i can just read words instead of using my brain! so here I am :) in other words, thank you for writing this, love. it’s exactly what I was looking for! 🥰🥰

Look once into those big eyes and it’s like they knows your deepest darkest secret and it’s terrifying, until they waddle off to swallow a whole frog that is.

ngawww i love the little hint of master yoda that you’ve given yodito 🥺🥺 and then its like ‘oh yea he's also an idiot sometimes’ 😂 love it!

In reality there wasn’t much of the actual crest left,

dsfgdjfgsd idk why but din being a mediocre bounty hunter who gets his ass whooped sometimes but also doesn't know how to parents, or maintain a ship is all just hilarious to me 😂 i love tin man and his mediocrety. he's very relatable and now I want him to be my best friend

He had stridden up to and flat out told you he wanted to give you fighting lessons.

argh! help him, he’s awkward 😂😂

The question came out robotic, the words detached from the familiar soft tone of his morning request.

asdfgbhj why u gotta hurt me like this 😭

saw the way his helmet would lock on to whatever would walk just a little too close to you.

ahhhh he’s so protective and worried 🥺🥺

The imposing and dangerous manner in which he presented himself was a stark contrast to the small green eared bundle that he gently cradled in his arm. The imposing and dangerous manner in which he presented himself was a stark contrast to the small green eared bundle that he gently cradled in his arm.

kshddkhkjhk this remind me of those memes that are like ‘mandos trying to hunt down someone and yoditos offering them a wet cheerio’ 😂😂

The thought that you were the only one who got the privilege of seeing him be truly open and caring with the child made you smile to yourself,

SAHGFKASDFH OH MY GOSH, YES!! have I ever mentioned how much of a sucker i am for the ‘stone cold on the outside, soft as a marshmallow when in private’ trope? its not healthy by any means but I am so soft for the ‘im okay with being vulnerable around you’ vibes 

The response was immediate, his hand curled round yours, fingers locking together.

THEY’RE HOLDING HAND!!! THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS!!! I CANNOT. 

the affect was akin to throwing a spattering of water onto hot coals, you could almost see some of the tension release from him, hear the gentle hiss of it evaporating away.

ahhhhh this is beautiful el!!

You gave his hand a squeeze, a silent thank you.

answering the squeezes of Mando’s hands with ones of your own

askgfasjkgahsgfa el el el el el!! i love love love this. subtle gestures kill me everytime and I just- arghhhh i love this so much 🥺🥺

I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel weak with my constant asking, I’m so so sorry. You don’t need to prove to me that you are strong by doing this, I know you are, I’ve always known,

you really out here making me cry el 😭 this is so soft and sweet but like nah, I'm gonna kick red’s ass

ahhhh the entire fight scene was so smooth and well written!!

“Don’t you dare scare me like that again,” He said, resting his helmet on the crown of your head.

kadsfjhdsfajhdsajhdsaj more soft din moment oh my gosh 🥺🥺

“We’ll figure out what it is, how to protect you,” there was a pause, like he was contemplating something. Then he reached out and took your hand in his. “We’ll do it together.”

I AM SO DAMN SOFT FOR THIS TIN MAN

Hey! I've read some of your fics and they're so good! could you do a din X reader one where the reader is a part of dins 'crew' and he keeps offering to teach her to fight but awkwardly declines, and does this until they find another clan of mandalorians and at first they don't like her and question din for having someone 'weak' on his team. And defensively she says she can take down one of their warriors and dins asking her not to do this but during the fight she reveals she's force sensitive?

*Hia darling anon!! firstly thank you so much, that means the world to me :)). secondy i hope this is what you had in mind, i got a little carried away (hello word count of 3.8K+ oops) hence why this has taken a while to get out to you. enjoy! <3

Far From Weak

He wasn’t meant to have found out like this. Hell, he wasn’t supposed to have found out at all. You’d been doing a good job at hiding it so far, though the kid seemed to have sussed you out. Look once into those big eyes and it’s like they knows your deepest darkest secret and it’s terrifying, until they waddle off to swallow a whole frog that is.

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