#my disclaimer is that i am not responsible for your imagination and assumptions i had only pure but mischievous intentions

[originalartblog]

fuck it *wholesomes your skk*

[iamanartichoke]

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

[lin-nin]

Tribulation & Tenderness - Chapter 12

Ship: Main Technoblade x Reader, some Dream x Reader Plot: You're a princess in a Kingdom suffering a years long famine. In a     desperate attempt to help your people, you accept one simple offer: Marriage to the crown prince of a neighboring kingdom. Anything to help your people survive. Surely it can't be too bad, can it? Chapter List: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 Disclaimer:   Cross-posted on Wattpad (discontinued) and Ao3. This is based off of everyone's CHARACTERS. I do not write fanfic based off the actual people.

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Chapter 12: Called In Favors

< | Previous Chapter The weeks had blurred together once you had properly settled into your new home. Your days were spent often either reading something you found in the library that wasn't at your castle, or training with Techno. The training had been rough on you, horribly so. Bruises were blooming all over your body, especially your back. Despite getting better on your feet and with your response time to Techno, he never failed to knock you down at least a dozen times before calling it a day. It was frustrating, but definitely served to motivate you.

The boys had taken to watching you sometimes, with Tommy and Tubbo cheering you on. Wilbur would sometimes call out advice from the sidelines, and it was something you were thankful for. Beyond the training, you often met with Eret to go over wedding plans. The two of you had grown extremely close over the weeks, swapping stories as he fussed over your dress. You appreciated his friendship like no other, extremely content to have made a proper friend.

The wedding was only a couple of days away now, and you were giddily pacing around Eret. He laughed at you, moving to grab your arm to stop you. “Relax, pacing isn’t going to make them show up any sooner,” He murmured, and you couldn’t help the impatient way you twirled.

“I know. I just miss them and want them to hurry up,” You practically whined, toying with the sleeves of your dress. Dream and George were supposed to be showing up today, and staying for about a week. Excitement coursed through you the moment you had woken up, the excitement blatantly clear in your eyes.

“You miss them, don’t you?” He gave you a soft look and smile, letting go of your arm to let you pace again. 

“Always. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, but I still miss them. George is my brother, I naturally miss his guidance. Dream is my partner in crime, we’ve always been joined at the hip. I feel lost without him by my side.” You paused by the window, peering out at the courtyard. Tubbo and Tommy were squaring off, pointing swords at each other. It was always interesting to watch them fight, how seriously they could take it, swinging as if they had the intent to take a limb off each other. Only to turn around a few moments later and tackle the other and laugh, as if they weren’t practically at each other's throat. It was endearing in a sweet way.

“I see. I suppose your restlessness would make sense, then.” He wandered over to stand beside you, watching Tommy and Tubbo as well. The two swung their swords at one another, practically anticipating one another’s movements. You yearned to have the added danger of sharp objects in your training. While you did enjoy the hand-to-hand, it wasn’t nearly as exciting as what you were watching.

“Do you think Techno will let me fight with my dagger any time soon?” You mused, turning to look at Eret. He hummed, shrugging slightly.

“He’s probably going to try and make sure your hand-to-hand is nearly perfect before he lets you actively touch your dagger.” You pouted at that, huffing a little.

“That’s boring, it gets so repetitive. Not that it isn’t useful, of course it is. I was just hoping to learn to use a weapon much sooner.” You grumbled, moving away from the window. The ballroom had most of its decorations up, leading to it feeling like a completely different place. You ran your fingers along the table, tracing the grain on the wood.

“It’s good if you’re finding it repetitive. He might actually let you use your dagger soon. Ask him about it later,” Eret laughed, following behind you. As he did, you could hear Tommy yell obscenities at Tubbo, making you shake your head. Loud as ever.

“He better. Wonder if he’ll let me show off for Dream and George.” You gave a crooked grin. You could already imagine the frustration on their faces as you trained. Your training sessions were nearly daily anyways, and you hoped that Techno didn’t choose today of all days for a day off. You really wanted to show off and make it known that you could hold yourself in a battle. Especially with Techno.

“He’s cocky when it comes to his fighting, he’ll want to show off. You won’t even have to ask him.” You couldn’t help but grin at that, eyes alight. Good. You really wanted to be able to see how the two would react. You had a rough feeling on how Dream would react, but you really wanted to see if he would be proud after all of it was said and done. After all, learning to fight from literally nothing wasn’t a small task.

“Good! That’s all I ask for the time being. I’ll ask about my dagger later, then.” Eret only gave you an amused look, watching you return to wandering around the room. You were just incredibly eager to see your brother again. Even though it was for your wedding, a thought that had your stomach flipping. You still had trouble picturing it as your own wedding, despite the fact you had helped through every single step of it.

“It’ll probably have to wait until after your marriage. It’s already bad enough you’re all bruised up before the wedding, we don’t need any cuts showing up,” Eret teased and you huffed, acutely aware of how it would look. Neither George nor Dream would be pleased about the bruises on your forearms from blocking hits from Techno. Not that you cared too much what they thought about them. You were happy that they were there because it meant you were learning. You were improving on top of it, too. You had to be.

“I suppose I can be okay with that. After the wedding I better be using my dagger, or Techno is gonna have a few problems.” You settled your hands on your hips, puffing out your chest.

“Somehow I doubt you could give him very many problems.” Eret’s laugh was contagious, easily breaking through your initial pout.

“Maybe I could, you don’t know!” You wandered to stand beside him, peering as he messed with some of the decorations, making sure they sat as he wanted. “Do we need to do a final dress fitting?”

“No, the only thing you need to do is take it easy and prepare yourself for your wedding tomorrow.” Eret reached over, patting your shoulder. You huffed. You had been antsy the entire time, wanting to make sure everything was perfect. While it was an arranged marriage, it was still your one and only wedding. You were going to make sure things were perfect for it. As much as you could, anyways.

“That means do nothing until George and Dream get here. Who knows when that’ll be,” You whined, dramatically leaning against him. He laughed, head shaking.

“Realistically? Anytime soon. Didn’t the prince say they were planning to leave early morning?” You nodded at the question, craning your head towards the main hall. They would be arriving soon, and it caused excited butterflies to swirl around your stomach. Eret noticed, pushing you gently towards the door. “Go wait for them before you wear a path into the floor.”

You didn’t need to be told twice, grinning thankfully at your friend as you took off towards the door. The morning sun beat down on the ground outside, and you giddily went to the same spot Philza, Tommy, Tubbo, and Wilbur had stood for your arrival. You rocked back and forth on your heels, staring down the stone path expectantly. As if they would appear if you so much as blinked.

“You seem excited,” A voice mused from beside you. You yelped in surprise, jumping a little. Techno stood beside you, looking down in amusement at you. When the hell had he snuck up on you? Were you really that focused on Dream and George’s arrival?

“I am, I missed them,” you replied, turning your gaze towards the path again. A fond smile was painted on your face, eyes bright with excitement.

“They should be here soon. The carriage was seen pulling into the capital not too long ago.” The words only fuelled your excitement, and it took everything in you to not start pacing again. You really were restless with the excitement, the movement felt like the only way to expel it. Other than being able to hug George properly. You simply continued to rock on your heels, excitedly listening out for the sound of them. Under the assumption you didn’t see them first.

You heard the steady pace of horse hooves before you saw the carriage, though you stood on your tip-toes. You grasped onto Techno’s arm for balance as you craned in an attempt to see. From your peripheral you could see him look at you, that amused smile on his face. His hand covered yours on his arm, allowing you to properly look for the carriage as it pulled up.

You were practically bouncing when it came to a stop, fingers curling into Techno’s arm. You didn’t even care who came out of the damned thing first, you were going to hug them. Techno laughed as you stared, watching the door open with such eager anticipation. You launched yourself away from Techno, throwing yourself at the man who stepped out of the carriage.

Arms wrapped around you, a startled laugh ringing in your ears as you were spun around before your feet returned to the ground. “Good to see you too.” You pulled back a little, grinning at George fondly.

“I missed you so much,” You held onto him tight, not wanting too much to part.

“It’s been a rough few weeks, hasn’t it?” He reached up to ruffle your hair, much to your protest.

“Did you miss me too?” Dream’s voice called as he stepped down onto the stone. Excitement lit up your face as you untangled yourself from your brother.

“Dream!” You called excitedly as you threw yourself at him next. He picked you up as your arms wrapped around his neck, holding you tight against him. “Of course I missed you, idiot. You never replied to any of my letters.” You buried your face into his neck, relishing the familiar scent of fresh linen and roses, as well as the sharp tang of metal. It was comforting to smell it again.

“I was busy with a few things, but I promised I read each and every one of them,” He assured you, hands squeezing your waist. Techno cleared his throat from behind the two of you, and you sheepishly pulled away from your friend at that. You offered Dream a gentler smile, turning to offer it to Techno as well. The same look he had given Dream back when you set off in the carriage, except it was a little more off putting now that you could actually see his facial expression. The down tilt of his mouth, the way his eyes were narrowed. It was enough to make you take a few large steps back from Dream, closer to Techno.

“I’m glad to see you made it here safely. I take it the trip was okay?” Techno mainly addressed George as he spoke, and you wandered back to his side. Standing between George and Dream held a different feeling than it had previously. George followed when Techno moved towards the castle. His hand settled in the middle of your lower back to guide you, an action that made heat rise to your cheeks. You were used to him resting a hand on your back, but it was always between your shoulder blades.

“It was, thank you. Have things been fine here?” George upheld the conversation, and you just let the two of them talk. Between the hand on your back and the heated stare you could feel burning holes into you, you didn’t think you trusted your voice at the moment.

“I’ll let you show them around. Come to the courtyard when you’re finished,” Techno addressed you, hand finally moving away from your back. You missed the touch just the slightest, but met Techno’s pointed look evenly. For training. He meant to meet him there to train. A smile blossomed on your face as it clicked.

“Alright, I shouldn’t take too long.” You watched him leave towards the courtyard, but not before he narrowed his eyes at Dream once more. It was going to be a long week, wasn’t it? You tried to ignore it, focusing instead on showing them around.

“He’s much less intimidating without the mask,” George mused, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“He’s only intimidating when he wants to be.” You led them towards the east wing, entirely forgoing the west wing. It was mostly just servants quarters and work rooms, so truly Dream and George didn’t need to know too much about it. You informed them as much, too.

“Where’s your dagger?” Dream questioned as you lead them into the dining hall, causing you to look at your hip. You hadn’t been wearing it since you never used it yet, and taking it off during training was just an extra step you didn’t care for.

“I haven’t learned to use it yet, though I’ll probably start learning to use it after the wedding.” You grinned bright, and George made a sound of disagreement.

“I still don’t think you need to be learning to fight. Surely you won’t be in a position where Technoblade can’t protect you.” You shrugged, leading them down the wings and pointing out various rooms.

“I don’t think I will be put into the position, but it doesn’t hurt to have the knowledge should it be needed.” You led them up the stairs next, heading towards the rooms they would be staying in.

“Just don’t get yourself hurt. I don’t want to get a letter about that.” Dream gave you a pointed look and you laughed, head shaking. 

“I won’t! I take good care of myself!” You defended, watching them examine the rooms. When they were satisfied and returned to your side, excitement bubbled in your stomach. This meant you were closer to training, all you had to do was change and head to the courtyards.

“Going to come with me to the courtyard?” You asked with an excited smile, heading in the direction of your room. 

“I don’t see why not. You seem awfully excited.” George raised an eyebrow and you grinned, peering out of the windows as you passed the ones that overlooked the courtyard. You could see the training patch from here, and you could very clearly see Techno on it, across from Philza. Both had swords drawn, practically dancing around each other and calculating the others movements. They moved with a sense of clear familiarity, around both each other and their blades. It wasn’t the first time you had seen Techno train using his sword, but it always enraptured you every time.

“I am.” Your voice was soft as George and Dream also glanced out the windows to see what you were looking at. Just in time for Techno to knock Philza’s sword out of his hand, the weapon bouncing along the ground. His shoulders heaved, a cocky grin on his face when his uncle raised his hands in defeat. He sheathed the sword, hand raising to wipe sweat from his brow. He’d clearly been training from the moment he’d been out there.

As if aware you were watching his gaze tilted up, looking towards the window. More specifically, towards you. He gave a grin your way, hand raising in a small wave which you couldn’t help but return. He raised his eyebrows, almost as if a silent question on if you were almost done and you couldn’t help but nod excitedly. From beside you, Dream huffed, especially at the smug smile on Techno’s face. You didn’t care, simply moving away from the window to move to your room faster.

“I have to change, but then we can go to the courtyard.” You practically ran into your room, eager to change into your pants and boots as opposed to the dress. You eyed the exposed bruises on your forearms, knowing full and well the reaction you were about to get. You slid out of your room, grinning up at George and Dream. “Okay, so, I may be about to go train-” You slowly started, warily eyeing their reactions. George made a noise of protest, eyes going wide. Dream shot a hand out, grabbing your wrist and lifting your arm up. The dim lighting in the hall illuminated the bruises of varying shades, as well as the scowl on Dream’s face.

“This is what happens when you train? You’re covered in bruises!” Dream demanded and you flinched a little, slipping your arm from his grasp.

“It’s from blocking hits, it’s not like he’s trying to hurt me,” You grumbled, sidestepping the blonde. The look on his face had made you uneasy, and you didn’t want to look at it. You just wanted to get to the courtyard. 

“You don’t know that! There’s no telling if he wants to hurt you or not!” Dream persisted from behind you. You took a breath, pausing on the stairs and looking at him.

“Dream, I am absolutely fine. You’ll see.” You didn’t give him too much time to react, darting down the stairs. You didn’t want a lecture- you wanted to train. You wanted to have fun. You could hear the two following behind you, as well as George’s soft muttering. Presumably he was reassuring the taller, but you didn’t care to listen to what they were saying.

The warmth of the sun was definitely welcome as it hit your skin. It was a familiar feeling, and you couldn’t help the eager grin on your face as you looked to Techno. He offered you a faint smile as he messed with his hair. He tugged it back, looping it into a loose bun. You raised an eyebrow at it, coming to stand across from him. “Taking this seriously enough to pull your hair back?” You questioned, swinging your arms across your chest in a stretch.

“I have to show your brother how much you’ve improved, don’t I?” He shifted, taking up a fighting stance once more. You naturally fell in line, mimicking his stance. George awkwardly stood to one side, Dream watching with a glare and his arms across his chest. Back behind Techno stood Philza, curiosity clear in his gaze. He hadn’t particularly watched the two of you train in the past, so it seemed now was the time he picked. Tommy and Wilbur were sat on the ground at his feet, watching with varying curiosity and interest.

You rolled your shoulders, before charging at Techno as you often did. You didn’t even have to think too much anymore, feigning to one side and shooting a hand out to clip his side. He had made sure very early on you learned to use your size to your advantage. That showed here as he turned, moving to hit you. You narrowly blocked the hand with your arm, jumping back as his foot shot out. The hit would have landed on your calf had it landed, and you were kinda thankful it had missed this time.

He didn’t relent on you as you danced on your toes, exchanging hits evenly. You stumbled when his hand passed your face, making you dodge to your best ability. You swung a fist out in retaliation, and he easily caught it. He swung it, pinning the arm behind your back. One hand moved towards your neck, hovering as if he had a knife. If he did, the blade would be very near your neck. Blood rushed in your ears, the adrenaline pumping. You were effectively trapped and defeated.

"I think I win this round," He murmured against your ear, and the blood rushed to your face. You were suddenly very aware of the way your back pressed to his chest. You were also vaguely aware of Tommy making disgusted gagging noises from the side.

"It would seem so," You managed to say back, voice barely short of a squeak. He unhanded you, allowing you to slip away from him. Your heart thundered as you took up your spot once more, looking at Techno’s family. Philza had this bemused look on your face, whereas Wilbur looked almost bored and Tommy looked disgusted. Your ears flushed and you focused in Techno once more, hands raised.

"Fight me," Dream's voice interrupted as he stepped into the middle of you and Techno. You blinked up at the blonde, turning to look at George. George had simply shrugged and you looked back towards Dream. Techno had stepped around him, an almost agitated look on his face.

"I was under the impression you didn't want her fighting?" He levelled Dream with a glare, which Dream only seemed to take in stride. Your stomach twisted anxiously, eyes darting between the two men.

"I don't but clearly you're going to teach her anyways." The way venom practically dripped from Dream's voice was worrisome, a trait you had only seen in him once or twice before.

"Well her future is here, so I think it matters more what I want and what she wants." He inclined his head, looking at him down the bridge of his nose. Tommy had leaned over to whisper to Wilbur, glancing at the two uneasily. Techno's fingers had twitched towards one of his swords, and it seemed like Dream was thinking similarly.

"Hey, its fine! I'll train with him! It'll be good to fight someone I'm not familiar with!" You exclaimed as you moved forwards, slotting yourself between them. You pushed at both of their chests, hoping to diffuse the situation. Dream gave Techno a smug smirk, and Techno simply sighed with a nod.

"Fine," He relented, taking a few steps back. He stood beside Philza, looking none too pleased.  You stepped back from Dream, returning to your spot. You could, at the very least, spar with him. So long as it kept the situation from escalating. He didn't wait for you to be ready like Techno often did, instead going straight for you.

You spun on your toes, yelping and dodging out of the way from the hit aimed towards your stomach. You rebounded from the initial shock, spinning again to smack your heel against his thigh. The slight wince that crossed his face immediately brought satisfaction bubbling up, a smile on your face. You weren’t given much time to celebrate the hit, though. You had to react fast, meeting each hit with your own. You winced a little as he struck your wrist, cursing under your breath.

His hits and timing were a lot less forgivable than Techno’s, having an edge to him that you were never quite prepared for. Your eyebrows knitted together as you punched at his shoulder on his bad side, knocking him off balance. His hand shot out, grasping onto your wrist and dragging you down with him. You yelped in surprise, his back slamming into the ground. His body padded you're fall, a small thing you were thankful for.

You weren't given too much time to contemplate the next course of action, getting thrown off of his chest. He rolled the pair of you over, leaving you pinned to the ground beneath him. His hand moved, mimicking as Techno had earlier. Like if he had a knife it would be pressed to your neck.

"I win," Dream whispered and leaned down, smug smirk still on his face. You huffed beneath him, shoving slightly at his hand at your defeat.

"Alright, you win. Now get off of me," You grumbled. You pouted a little and pushed at his shoulder, ignoring the way the smugness vanished. He complied, getting off of you and allowing you to sit up.

"You still have a lot of work to do." His voice came from above you, and you rolled your shoulders. You glanced up at him, raising an eyebrow. 

"I haven't been training that long, of course I still need to learn." You placed your hands up under you, moving to push yourself up. Before you could, Techno’s all too familiar hand came into sight, offering to help you. He had inserted himself between you and Dream, a frown tugging at his lips. You easily took his hand, allowing him to pull you up. You stumbled as he did so with a little more force than necessary, colliding into his chest with a squeak.

"She did fine. She's not some delicate flower who needs you to keep her thorns clipped." He hardly seemed bothered by you being pressed to his chest, only seeming focused on staring down Dream. You carefully pulled away from Techno’s chest, though you continued to linger by him.

"I never said she was,” Dream spat, causing your nervousness to rise.

“Dream-” George started, moving to grab his friend’s shoulder.

“You didn’t say it explicitly, but your actions said it well enough.” You raised a hand, gently pressing it on Techno’s upper arm.

“Techno-” You murmured softly, moving to push him away. The two glowered at each other, though Techno did allow you to move him. You ushered him towards his brothers, glancing back at Dream nervously. Whatever tension was between these two was quite dangerous, and you didn’t like it. “Dream, maybe you and George should go to your rooms for right now.” Your voice was tense, unsure if the blonde would listen.

“She’s right, Dream.” George’s voice was low as he moved the younger back. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to refuse. Dream pushed George off of him, turning and heading towards the castle. George shot you an apologetic look, chasing after him. You breathed a sigh of relief, rubbing your face.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into him,” You apologized to Techno, who finally looked to you again.

“What a dickhead,” Tommy chimed, a frown on his face as he looked towards the castle. You sighed, not even knowing how to respond. 

“Is he always like that?” Wilbur raised an eyebrow at you, drawing your attention to him.

“Not usually. He’s never done any of that before.” You turned back to Techno, watching him closely. His brows were furrowed, irritation sparkling in his eyes.

“Enough about him. We need to keep training you. Philza.” Techno turned towards his uncle. The older man walked forward, raising an eyebrow. “Go tell Ranboo I need a favor from him. Keep an eye on him,” He muttered softly, eyes cutting towards where Dream had left. Philza followed the gaze and nodded, leaving Techno’s full attention to focus on you. 

“Round two?” You questioned softly with a smile, eager for distraction. As Philza left towards the castle, Techno took up his normal stance and motioned for you. Sparring was better than dealing with whatever dramatics Dream had, and easier than wondering what this favor was that Techno called in from whoever Ranboo was.

Next Chapter | >

[twinkleallnight]

Book: The Royal Romance AU

Characters: Drake, Jane and her mother.

Word count: 1140

Disclaimer: All characters belong to pixelberry except Jane.

Rating: Mature.

Prompt: Features day 3 of TRR Appreciation Week hosted by @trraw

Link to the Series here.

“Once upon a time I used to live in a small Kingdom called Cordonia.” Drake said with a big sigh.

“With Mamma?” Jane asked. Her big brown eyes staring at him. She rolled a lock of her chestnut hair around her stretched out tiny finger.

Drake shook his head. “Not exactly. She lived in a different part of the kingdom and I mostly stayed at the palace.”

“Wow, you were so lucky. You must be able to see the princess.” Jane made assumptions of pretty princesses in pink.

“There was no princess but there were princes.”

“Did you get a chance to speak to them ever?”

“What if I told you that the prince is my best friend?” Drake lowered his head and squinted an eye waiting for her reaction. He knew what her response would be.

“He was???” Jane jumped up from her bed and looked shockingly, wide eyed at Drake.

“Ok, my little drama queen. Back in to bed.”

“Fine!” she frowned and got under the covers. “Go on.” She waved her hand.

Drake snickered at her style, “We grew up together, prince and I. But after grandpa Jackson, I moved to states to study.”

“You have already been to two countries? Without me?” Jane again notched up her tone.

“Sssh!” Drake put a finger on her lips. “You were not born yet.”

She was quick to pat his heavy hand away. “You should have sent a stork to the God for a faster delivery.”

Drake rolled his eyes on her smart replies. “I will remember to take advice from you next time.”

“You better. Mamma says, I am the smartest!” She puffed up a bit. “So what happened next?”

When he saw her getting impatient, he skipped details. “But my trip was cut short because I got a mail from the elder prince Leo. He told me about my best friend- Prince Liam, who was unwell. I went back and stayed with Liam for next few years, ignoring my studies and college.”

“Why would you do that? You always ask me to study hard and focus at the given task.”

“Won’t you leave everything to be with me, if I am unwell.”

Jane got up to wrap her arms around Drake’s neck. “I won’t let anything happen to you, ever.” She placed a kiss on his cheek. Drake hugged her back. He then got up and laid her down on the bed again.

“Okay, may be I lost focus just once. Is that allowed Madam?” Drake took permission bowing.

“Yes, you may proceed.” She passed an order with more exaggeration and then giggled.

Drake sat down beside her and continued. “I stayed with Liam till his coronation as a king. Then it was time I decided to finish my course. Many things happened in between.” Drake tried to skip few details.

“Many things, like the bullet you took?”

“Who told you that?” now it was Drake’s turn to be surprised.

“Mamma.” Jane mentioned casually. “She did not give me the details. But she told me how brave you have been saving one of your friends. She says she is so proud of you.” She beamed at him.

Drake chuckled. Between his smart wife and intelligent daughter, he definitely had his hands full.

“Can you tell me more about it? Was it while saving the king?” Jane pointed at his shoulder where she knew was a scar.

He held her outstretched hand and gently placed a kiss on it, tucking it back in her blanket. He picked up the broken pieces of his thoughts and spoke. “The king? Liam? Some bad people tried to attack him.”

“Like the movies?”

Drake rolled his eyes. “Somewhat like the movies. I just tried to push Liam away from those people and in turn got hurt.”

He smiled when he saw Jane frown her face. “I am going to learn how to fight the bad guys and kick them away next time, if they try to hurt you.” Jane said with much determination.

Drake smiled and patted on her head. “We may not need all that. Anyways, after the king’s coronation I tried to get back into college to finish my course.”

“I know, then you started seeing mom.” Jane grinned.

“Yes, the king helped me get into the college here and your Mamma helped with a place to stay. She was around most of the times. I did not know anyone much here and so we ended up spending most of our evenings together.”

Drake always wore a stupid smile on his face when he recollected their courtship days. Who would have imagined? He shook his head still smiling.

“You love her a lot, don’t you Papa?” Jane cocked her head looking at him expectantly.

“I love you both my darling.” He pulled her cheeks playfully. “Any more questions Ms Jane?” Drake knew she had many.

“When we go to Cordonia, you will arrange a meeting with the prince? … your best friend?”

“Jenny” he called her lovingly, “he is the one who has invited us. We will all go. You will meet him too. Now it’s time to sleep tight.”

She was so excited at the prospect. “Good night Papa. I love you.” She gave him a flying kiss.

“Love you too!” Drake walked to the door and turned to return her kiss.

He walked out of Jane’s room, rubbing his eyes. He pushed the door to his bedroom open. Madeleine lay reclined to the headboard reading a book. Her jade eyes lifted from the book and followed his movements till he got into the bed and stared back. She kept the book away, switching off the lamp and turned to him lying on her side. He mimicked her.

“What?” she asked.

“What?” he questioned back.

“Nothing!”

“Nothing?” he shrugged. “When did you come home?”

“A few minutes ago, when you were taking the bullet for the king.”

“Very funny! Why did you tell her about that ?”

“Oh she is smart. My daughter! And she has a curious mind, learning little values about her motherland.” She brought her palm to rest on the side of his face. “How loyal her father has been to the crown; she is learning all that.”

He peeled her hand away from his face and brought it down on his lips, giving her small pecks. He then pulled her into a warm hug.

Madeleine assured him, her head lying on his firm chest. “Don’t worry. Once she visits Cordonia and meets everyone she will calm down.”

Drake had his arm curled around her. “I know.” He kissed her golden hair. She looked up at him to say something. He sealed her lips with a short kiss. “Talk about it later?”

She nodded and they kissed again, deeply, getting lost into the night.

Tags: @annekebbphotography @anjanettexcordonia @bascmve01 @charlotteg234 @cordonian-literature @choicesficwriterscreations @cordonia-gothqueen @drakewalker04 @gkittylove99 @krsnlove @hopefulmoonobject @hopelessromanticmonie @idontknowwhysblog @indiacater @jessiembruno @kingliam2019 @lisha1valecha @neotericthemis @ntoraplayschoices @princess-geek @princessleac1 @secretaryunpaid @sirbeepsalot @speedyoperarascalparty @texaskitten30 @txemrn @sweatyrysconnoisseur @theroyalheirshadowhunter @aestheticartsx @yourmajesty09 @efecom @grsarco-blog @lovelyladyk88 @mainstreetreader @choiceskatie @claireloutoo @tinkie1973

************

Next part here

[nagichi-boop]

Miya Chinen - BPD Headcanons

Back at it again with the mental illness headcanons. Originally I was gonna do NPD Miya headcanons but then I also realised that Miya displays a few BPD symptoms, so I thought I’d explore that first since I am more familiar with BPD than I am with NPD.

Disclaimer: I am aware that personality disorders like bpd are diagnosed later in life. This theory is more just a casual exploration of the bpd traits Miya displays.

Spoilers ahead

Also, if Ad*m is a trigger for you, maybe skip this one because his name will come up quite a lot in this post and I will not be censoring his name for the remainder of this post.

Without further ado, here’s the headcanons!

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; (not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior)

When Miya’s old friends rejected him, he was deeply hurt. From then on he pushes everyone away, instead viewing friendship as a burden more than a blessing, perhaps out of a fear of being abandoned again. When he sees Reki and Langa, he is confused as to why he is suddenly reminded of his past, but my assumption is that he was secretly jealous of what they had as he was alone. Then when Reki stood up to Adam, suddenly his world changed. He started to associate with Reki and Langa more and more, him being especially interested in Reki. He went from considering Reki as inferior to being genuinely concerned about him (more on that in a bit).

Later on though, Reki goes missing and Miya begins to act somewhat cold to others (such as Langa). When he eventually sees Reki, he is deeply upset that he stopped showing up without saying anything. Despite his hurt, Miya tried to put it behind him, instead asking him to come back. Reki refuses and pushes past Miya, who yells out for Reki to wait. Then when he keeps running, he gets upset because Reki has “abandoned” him.

As an extra note, when Adam calls Miya “empty”, he gets deeply hurt by this, perhaps because it feels like the one person who respected him or had any connection with him has seemingly lost interest. Thank you Reki for stepping in ily

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

When it comes to his relationship with Reki and Langa, they tend to fluctuate quite rapidly. At first Miya almost despises them because of how close they are, jealous of their friendship. However after having Reki stand up for him, his attitude towards them shifts. Suddenly Reki is someone he wants to be around, someone he deeply cares about, even if he doesn’t show it very well.

When Reki stops showing up, that’s all Miya can think to ask Langa about and he seems to be somewhat cold towards Langa, whether that’s because he feels closer to Reki or has a suspicion that Langa is why Reki isn’t there. After all, Reki is the one who stood up to him, not Langa.

Then when he finally finds Reki, he is desperate to have him stay. But as soon as Reki runs off, all the good feelings towards Reki drop and Miya calls him a liar. When he comes back, Miya once again views Reki with admiration and care, to the point that he is the only one who is vocally and visibly concerned about Reki during his race against Adam, yelling at Reki to stop and begging Joe to stop the race.

3. Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Miya views himself as superior to others, likening himself to the hero of the story. When he loses to Langa and is called empty by Adam, however, he seems to have a major shift in perception, perhaps feeling deeply hurt to the point of feeling like he has nothing to offer. Skating is his bragging point, so to have lost to a rookie and be discarded by the person who had expectations of you - that has to do something to your self esteem.

He is shown quite a few times to let down his guard and be more humble, which shows that he doesn’t always view himself above others. For instance, when he told Reki not to skate against Adam, he did so likely out of a mix of concern and low self esteem, not wanting Reki to get hurt because of him (or at least that’s how I see it).

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg, spending, s*x, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating); (not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior)

Miya doesn’t fit this criteria. He tends to think through things a lot more and actually tends to err on the side of caution a lot more than his family peers do.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

Again, this one doesn’t really apply. Moving on-

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Miya’s mood can change quite frequently. Let’s take his beef with Langa for example. He starts off feeling confident, viewing the beef more like a walk in the park than an actual competition. Then when he is reminded of his past, he suddenly becomes frustrated and that’s reflected in his increased focus in the beef. When he sees Langa attempting a dangerous move, he stops, immediately calling out expressing his concern for Langa despite previously being cold towards him. Having lost to Langa, Miya becomes upset, then is angered by Reki flicking him. He then becomes overwhelmed and happy (though he doesn’t immediately show it) that Reki promises not to abandon Miya, even laughing at Reki’s antics. When Adam enters and calls Miya empty, his mood immediately shifts to intense anxiety and upset.

In just that one instance, Miya fluctuates between various extremes of emotion - anger, upset, joy - all within a relatively short amount of time.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

When watching the video of Miya practicing, Reki makes a comment that Miya doesn’t look happy. In fact, he tends to put on a fake smile and smug persona when actually he is lonely and hurt. The passion he had for skating has disappeared, but he continues because it’s what he is good at - the people around him can all see that. Despite that, the enjoyment has gone. But when Reki comes around and is soon joined by the others, he seems to enjoy skating a lot more and that emptiness is less frequent.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

Miya is shown to have quite a short fuse. I don’t really have much of an elaboration, so here’s a small list of sorts of the times he has easily snapped.

His jealously causes him to feel resentment towards Reki and Langa. Remembering his past experiences with his friends also caused him to feel more upset and caused him to be more focused on the beef against Langa. When Langa misquotes something Miya says, he gets angry at Langa, partially out of embarrassment. At the beach when everyone is fussing over Joe, Miya’s annoyance gets channeled into him sabotaging Joe though my theory is he somewhat did this because he noticed Reki was annoyed. As previously mentioned, Miya got mad at Reki for pushing him aside and abandoning him. There’s probably more examples but hopefully my point is made.

His anger never really shows up as physical aggression. It’s usually in the form of insults or showing off with his skating.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Once again, I have little to no evidence for this. However, it’s possible that Miya’s flashback mid-beef with Langa could have been a form of dissociation as he even comments ‘why am I remembering this now?’ But more likely this just isn’t a symptom he experienced.

x

Anyways, this post was kind of more projection. I think that even if Miya doesn’t fully have bpd, he most definitely has traits of it, the most notable features being about his fears and responses to abandonment (real or perceived).

[stillness-in-green]

Part 2 of the response to this ask:

Part 1 was about where I think Geten’s story is going, and if I think it’s likely that Dabi will kill him; it dealt mainly with how those characters are set up in canon. Part 2 is far more about the fandom, and the assumptions people make that lead them to theories like the one above--specifically, the assumption that the League was always planning on bailing on the PLF. Hit the jump below with me and I'll go over why I think the common arguments for that are misguided at best, and willfully misreading the text at worst.

WARNING: Contains some generalizations about parts of the fandom that I have mostly taken steps to avoid seeing on my dash, so some of my characterizations may be out of date. I’ve tried to desalinate this post as much as possible, but as an unapologetic fan of the MLA and of Spinner (who I do not bring up incidentally), this is a topic I feel particularly strongly about. Apologies, but I Have Seen Things.

DISCLAIMER: I like Geten better than Dabi. I don't think he's better developed; I don't think he's a better character--I just like him better. This is largely down to the fact that I find the MLA fascinating from a worldbuilding perspective and its members compelling personally, whereas I’m less interested in Dabi personally than I am the Todoroki Drama on the whole, and have been tired of Fanon Dabi for approximately 83 years. I’ll also be the first to admit that my take on Dabi is pretty mercenary--hardly the irredeemable psychopath the Hero Stans on Twitter see, but nothing close to Secretly Soft Big Brother Touya, either. If that’s not your bag, you may want to skip this one.

So, here's a bullet point list of the reasons I have personally seen on why the League was always planning to turn on the MLA:

Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them.

Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

[Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

So, let's go over those, shall we? Note that a lot of what I'm going to lay out below isn't conclusive. What I want to establish is simply that the canonical evidence isn't conclusive, certainly not as much so as the people who support this view espouse.

|| Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

In responses to my recent Overhaul post, I defended Viz’s official translation as an accurate rendering of the dialogue in question. In general, I feel like Caleb Cook is pretty reliable in his translations, if sometimes kind of stiff or dry in localization. However, there are times he makes assumptions about lines--as indeed a translator for a currently-running series will sometimes have to--and sometimes, those assumptions don’t pan out. This is one of those times.

Dabi's line, "Shall we get started early?" is based on an assumption Cook made about a line that doesn't have an actual subject. In the original dialogue--Hayame ni hajimaru ka--there is no “we,” not even in the form of some implicit collective in Dabi’s grammatical inflection, nor is there a question of "should." All Dabi’s doing is musing that the start (again, there’s no subject, and so no indication of the start of what, or the start as initiated by who) is happening early.

Toga's line communicates much the same, save that she does specify that the schedule/plan/arrangement is happening earlier than expected--which is totally true, since her line is in response to Dabi observing that Machia moving must mean Shigaraki's awake, and Shigaraki was supposed to be down for another month.

Shigaraki's line, like Dabi's, lacks a subject to describe what exactly is supposed to start as soon as Shigaraki wakes. He's saying something that would, in a more stilted way, be, "I wake up and then it's the start, right?"

None of these lines suggest that the characters are necessarily talking about any plan other than the one the PLF laid out. Yes, it looks somewhat damning that Shigaraki's first action (after getting himself a cape, anyway) is to have Machia bring him the League, but heck, maybe that was always the plan. Just because Shigaraki wants to rejoin his comrades doesn't mean the rest of the PLF didn't already have machinations that they were supposed to set into motion the moment Machia left. After all, the plan as Hawks understood it did involve simultaneous attacks on major cities--maybe the League was going to be spearheading one of those attacks. Further, Shigaraki knew something was wrong from the moment he regained consciousness, and we don’t know how that knowledge affected the call he made. Hell, maybe the original plan was for the League to be brought to meet him somewhere in a chartered limo; we don’t know.

It's telling that this idea that the League had a Secret Plan to screw over the MLA rarely seems to account for Mr. Compress and Spinner being confused over the suddenness of events. The response to questions about this seems to be that the "villain trio" knew about it, so the ignorance of the rest of the League can just be handwaved--the important members knew, and that's enough. This is ungenerous towards both Twice and Mr. Compress, but I have got particularly little time for Spinner, the narrator of MVA and guy who decided to devote his all to Shigaraki, being disrespected in this fashion. More on that later.

|| Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

Shigaraki does say he won't forgive the MLA, but consider what he did to the MLA and its leader. He destroyed most of their stronghold, killed scores of them, is directly responsible for Re-Destro losing his legs, and saw that vaunted descendant of Destro about six inches shy of full forehead-on-the-ground dogeza. The League Shigaraki commands killed a great many more of them, including one of their inner circle. He commandeered the Liberation Army, its resources, and its grand cause. I think it’s safe to say he’s more than responded in kind!

I'm not saying Shigaraki feels for the MLA the same way he does about the League, far from it, but I do think he's practical enough after two hundred chapters of character development not to throw them away out of spite. In Chapter 246, he tells Ujiko explicitly, "When someone offers me something, I take it," and, "I'm done taking the heroes lightly. I'll use everything I've got to obliterate the dregs All Might left behind." From a purely practical standpoint, if he intends to throw everything he has at the heroes, he has no reason to throw the MLA under the bus, and 116,000 reasons to keep them around. I'm altogether sure that, so long as they stood to be useful to his plans, he would have kept them around.

|| The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them. + || Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

I hadn’t seen the second point in the wild, but I suppose it must be how the “The League will betray the MLA” theorists are getting around Dabi and Skeptic’s clear collaboration and how that collaboration totally scuttles the first point, huh? Hilarious.

Anyway, setting aside the fact that Dabi showed up to the one planning session we were shown when even Geten didn’t, there’s evidence in the canon that Dabi was working with Skeptic since even before the raid. Consider that Dabi’s video was filmed at the villa (the wall paneling and the style of the couch both match) and ask yourself where the camera he used came from. Once the filming was complete, where was the video stored such that Skeptic could access it from his laptop? If Dabi’d had it on an SD card and Skeptic was seeing it for the first time, why didn’t Spinner, Compress and Toga watch it alongside him? Surely Skeptic would need to watch it through at least once to know when to splice in the footage of Jin’s death for maximum dramatic impact? On that note, by far the most telling piece of evidence is this: if Dabi wasn't already working with Skeptic, then why was he wearing one of Skeptic's body cameras during his confrontation with Hawks?

Further, Skeptic's protest when he’s pulled onto Machia isn't that he doesn’t want to be with the League; it’s that he doesn’t want to leave Re-Destro behind. Once he's resigned that it's going to happen, though, he's cocky about his talents and complimentary of Dabi's big reveal, even if he is exasperated about the League's antics. It's ambiguous, I admit, but given that Dabi's wearing his cameras, he had to have known Dabi had a reason for them--and given that he is both abrasive and mouthy, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t have demanded to know what that reason was.

Hell, Dabi even thanks Skeptic for his editing work, which is more direct positive approval than he's ever shown anyone in the League (give or take the high-five with Twice, which, genuine or not, he would have known he was doing on camera). That much-vaunted panel of Spinner telling Toga to come back to the League? Dabi's grinning, which in isolation you could read as a certain rueful affection, but with the full context of the chapter, it becomes apparent that Dabi is grinning at Skeptic's laptop, seconds after telling Skeptic to "hurry up." Skeptic is, at that moment, probably gearing up the video to project nationwide, and Dabi’s more focused on that than he is Toga’s crisis, even when Compress directly appeals to him for aid. He tells Compress he doesn’t care, the same way he told Hawks he doesn't give a damn about the League.

Let me be clear here: I'm inclined to take Dabi at his word. I think Dabi hangs around the League because, for all that he says one man's conviction can shake the world, he also knows his own limits, and the League offers safety in numbers and an avenue to pursue his revenge. Maybe he finds them acceptable enough company, maybe he even does like them a bit despite himself, but I think any affection he might have for them is entirely incidental to his views on their usefulness. In the same way, while he's willing to bail on the MLA when the heroes attack, I don't think it was his plan to do so, especially not given his apparent immediate regard for Skeptic, as seen in the deleted scene here. Sure, he dislikes Geten, but ultimately, Geten is a stupid kid too tied up in his care for Re-Destro--who's now worshipping the ground Shigaraki walks on--to really be getting in Dabi's way.

Maybe if the MLA really were as quirk supremacist as Geten makes them out to be, Dabi would be actively looking for a way to see ‘em burn, but as I’ve said countless times before, Geten is not a reliable narrator vis a vis the MLA's doctrine. Now, obviously I don't expect Dabi to give them an unearned benefit of the doubt,(1) not after what he heard Geten say, but if Dabi has been working with Skeptic, it doesn't take a genius to realize that while Anthropomorph is a perfectly good quirk, it is categorically not what primarily defines Skeptic’s "worth" in the MLA societal microcosm.

Nothing that Skeptic does reflects the way Geten talks about "elevating one's ability" or "sheer strength" in the way that HeroAca fandom tends to understand as referring to flashy and offensive quirks. And yet, Skeptic is a ranked advisor warranting an introductory panel with RD's inner circle and Geten is not. Perhaps, just perhaps, this might have led Dabi to reevaluating his initial assessment just slightly?

|| Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

So, this one's pretty wild, because, in the same chapter that had people crowing about Mr. Compress's dialogue, Mr. Compress's actions show the exact opposite of the conclusion this theory would demand. Specifically, if it was always the League's plan to ditch the MLA, Mr. Compress would have darted right past Skeptic, ignoring the man's cries for help. He doesn't--he picks Skeptic up on the way past and (at least in the volume corrections) deposits him safe with Dabi in Spinner's scarf. Of course, Skeptic still stands to be useful, but if one acknowledges that Skeptic's usefulness is reason enough not to abandon him, then what exactly is the argument for leaving 116,000 perfectly useful warm bodies behind?

But let's set aside Compress rescuing Skeptic and focus on the actual point, because that point in itself is still flawed. Mr. Compress's thoughts on the PLF in the specific talk bubble in question are somewhat ambiguous. It's another case of the Viz translation making a couple of assumptions that are just that--assumptions.

Compress's words in the Japanese are as follows:

Chōjō Kaihō Sensen.… Viran rengo no Shigaraki Tomura ga…

Viz then renders the line like so:

The Paranormal Liberation Front's… No, the League of Villain's Shigaraki…

Note that in the Japanese, the possessive no is only included once, to indicate Shigaraki's association with the League. Further, the original doesn't indicate any negation in Compress's thoughts. Yes, he could be rejecting the PLF association for Shigaraki, but he could as easily be narrowing his scope to Shigaraki as the figure he represents to the League, rather than the figure he represents to the PLF--not rejecting wholesale, but rather becoming more specific. Compress might also be thinking first of the PLF as a general organization, then narrowing down to Shigaraki specifically.

Rather than reading this line as an indication that Compress regards the PLF as temporary, I was heartened by the fact that Compress thought about the PLF at all! If the League really had been planning to discard them this entire time, then there's no reason for Compress to have ever taken the Front seriously enough to have thought about them in that moment of crisis. You can carry this back further, too. In Chapter 258, when Twice is asking Hawks for help, he says that Spinner and Compress have been in meetings for days. Coupled with Compress's first thought about the entity that will carry out Harima's desired reformation being the Liberation Front (or possibly "the Liberation Front's Shigaraki"), this indicates to me that Compress was taking it seriously, not just gorging himself on sushi on the MLA's dime.

Indeed, back in Ujiko's lab, when it was just Shigaraki talking about his backstory and his dreams of destruction, Compress looks the opposite of impressed; we know from his narration in 294 that he liked the League because they didn't place any importance on one another’s pasts. Yet, at some point, his view shifted to believing that fulfilling his ancestor's ambition, his bloodline’s duty, really might be back on the table. We as readers don't quite know when that shift happened, but given, again, his initial mental invocation of the PLF, I think we can assume that it's tied to that alliance, those resources. And sure, when the moment of crisis happens and he's really defining who and what Shigaraki is to him, and where his values and priorities lie, it's with the League and Shigaraki as the leader of the League. But that doesn't mean he never had his hopes for the PLF at all, or was partaking in plans to ditch them.

Also too, this is a man who was lamenting the loss of their partnership with Overhaul, a man who personally maimed him, on top of killing a comrade. You're telling me the guy who shrugged off his animosity towards Overhaul would willingly allow the League to plot sabotage against even wealthier collaborators against whom he has even less reason to hold a grudge? Come on, guys.

|| Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

This one's easy: Toga pretty explicitly hated Curious, but she's even more explicit that she likes the MLA because she thinks the world they want to create is wonderful. She says this verbatim at the end of 225, after Curious has spent the entire chapter hounding her with explosions and intrusive questions. What turns her animosity on Curious is not some reveal that the MLA's world would be terrible after all, but Curious calling Toga's "normal" miserable and tragic. Essentially, she doesn't object to the world the MLA wants to bring about; she objects to being turned into a martyr for that world, especially when that martyrdom requires that the things that make Toga happy be characterized as horrific misfortunes.

Toga doesn't like Curious; she kills Curious. And then she comes into a position of leadership, and we don't know a lot about how that position takes her, but she seems delighted to be walking out onto the stage to be announced as such, and she makes active contributions to the discussion of the PLF's plans in Chapter 245. We are, again, given no indication that her lethal response to Curious means that she's planning to ditch the MLA on the whole.

Incidentally, Curious asserts what she does about Toga only in the context of the world as it stands. The world's rejection of Toga's normal, and the extremes that rejection drove Toga to, are what Curious considers tragic and miserable, not Toga's fascination with blood in and of itself. She clearly believes that, in the world the MLA envisions, Toga's life would not be so miserable because she would never have been oppressed to the degree that she snapped. And frankly, Curious isn't wrong. The only reason she is a villain in that scene is that she's willing to murder Toga to project that tragedy to the world. If she'd been willing to sit down and have a civil interview with Toga to print it in a relevant magazine, she would have been fine.

|| Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

You know, this is a totally fair point. It is, however, somewhat complicated by the fact that Giran himself never left the PLF. Now, there’s almost certainly something to be said about Giran’s whole information broker shtick being terminally compromised by his capture, his maiming, his client list being hacked, etc. He had a bunch of identifying items strewn all over the country that were covered in the national news, items that people who associated with him closely certainly would have recognized. Maybe he’s laying low for a while?

I don’t know why Giran was still around by the time of the raid. I can theorize about his pragmatism or what have you, but the canon really doesn’t give us anything to go on. Still, if he really hated the MLA all that much, as he would be totally justified in doing, it’s pretty bizarre that Horikoshi showed him twice in PLF crowd scenes post-Deika looking nothing worse than kind of confused and uneasy. Heck, you’d think he would at least have merited a better seat in the crowd for the big merger announcement.

Giran aside, the fact that Twice never does hit it off with anyone in his regiment is, I think, telling. If there’s anyone in the League that intentionally kept himself at a distance from the MLA because of hard feelings, it’s likely Twice. After all, if he had befriended anyone, he presumably wouldn’t have needed to go to Hawks for tutoring almost an entire month after Deika. That said, the fact that Twice does go running to Hawks for tutoring shows that he’s at least doing his best to act in accordance with what he thinks Shigaraki and the rest want. That doesn’t preclude the League having a secret plan that he’s either in on and playing along with, or hasn’t been told about because he might not be able to stop himself from vocalizing about it. Still, while absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, obviously absence of evidence is not evidence of presence. So, lacking any sign that the rest of the League is planning treachery, I’m not inclined to assume Twice’s lack of forgiveness is indicative of anything other than his own feelings.

|| [Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

:: INCOMING SALT WARNING :: INCOMING SALT WARNING ::

This is the one that really gets to me. I have never seen an argument that the League is planning to betray the PLF that convincingly explains the fact that Spinner, to all available evidence, threw himself wholeheartedly into trying to make the PLF succeed. To be more precise, I have seen one explanation, and that explanation is that the plan to ditch the MLA was a secret that only Shigaraki, Dabi and sometimes Toga knew about, and to reiterate, that is bullshit.

In my experience, this is an explanation proposed by people who care about Spinner only insofar as he can be a Soft Gaymer Boyfriend or score them rhetorical points, but have little to no interest in his ongoing--and, indeed, increasing--importance to the League generally and Shigaraki’s arc specifically. The dude who talked about how Twice’s home was the League, who got through to Toga while still respecting her choice when no one else could, the guy who recognized the hollowness within Shigaraki but also bonded with him over video games, the man who Mr. Compress said was Shigaraki’s most devoted follower(2)--this man did not do all of that for people in this fandom to say, “Oh, well, the others probably just kept it a secret from him because they thought he’d be bad at lying.”

Really? “Bad at lying?” And that’s an adequate justification, is it, for Shigaraki letting Spinner toil for months under false pretenses? For lying to the man who adores him the most? Of course it isn’t, but the people who theorize this don’t really care about Spinner’s adoration for Shigaraki, or the fact that Shigaraki rewarding Spinner’s feelings by allowing him to dedicate himself unstintingly to something Shigaraki was planning to discard from the beginning would be a blatant abuse of Spinner’s trust.

I have never seen anyone try to argue that Spinner was in on a plan to betray the MLA all along. That’s because it’s patently obvious that Spinner--forthright, direct Spinner, who named the merged organization with Re-Destro, spends all his time in meetings, has a direct exchange with Re-Destro about the state of their plans, and is probably the reason RD started wearing polka dots--went all-in on the PLF. But for the people who propose the “the League was always going to bail” theory, Spinner and his labors are an afterthought.

Spinner is not an afterthought. Where Mr. Compress has been captured, Toga could hypothetically be peeled away from the League via Uraraka, and Dabi almost certainly will be peeled away via the Todoroki plot, Spinner’s driving motivation at this point is Shigaraki himself. He connected to Shigaraki’s nihilism, his hatred, but also his humanity--the humanity in Shigaraki Tomura, not in Shimura Tenko. His empathy didn’t spring from contrived psychic glimpses of crying 5-year-olds, but from long months of observation, doubt, and gradually deepening wonder. He’s the only person currently with Shigaraki that I can see caring enough about Shigaraki’s welfare that he might sacrifice his own goals and desires to help Deku save him.

Spinner is not an afterthought, and I refuse to build or entertain theories that treat him that way. So as to his opinions on the MLA? Despite having his own reasons to be leery of them based on how shabbily Trumpet treated him, he was obviously trying to make the Paranormal Liberation Front succeed, which means he must have believed that Shigaraki wanted it to succeed. Therefore, unless you’re prepared to assert that Shigaraki (and everyone else who was in on it!) was cruel enough to lie to Spinner about something he was devoting so much time and energy to, the inescapable conclusion is that Shigaraki also wanted the Front to succeed.

(Note: After letting a friend pre-read this, I have been informed that there is, in fact, one explanation offered for Spinner knowing the League was going to abandon the PLF but working his ass off on the venture anyway, and that explanation is, “Something something wants to prove himself because low self-esteem.” This is so ridiculous I can’t even bring myself to edit this post accordingly. Low self-esteem! Because nothing would alleviate Spinner's low self-esteem like toiling for months over something that holds no worth to the people he actually cares about, right? Right?? Bah. Humbug!)

And but so, to wrap all that up: I fundamentally disagree that the League viewed the Paranormal Liberation Front as a temporary arrangement, at least to the extent that they were actively planning to betray their newfound--new won--allies. The fact that I don't think the League intended to discard the MLA out of hand does, thus, influence my opinion that, whatever Geten's fate will be, I'm pretty sure it's not going to be, "He gets murdered in a way that resembles nothing so much as a sick revenge fantasy dozens of chapters after the last point when such a death would have been remotely tonally appropriate."

Thanks for the ask, anon! Sorry about-- *waves at all of this*

-------------------------------

(1) Not that Mr. “Burns Random Delinquents Alive For Not Measuring Up To His Standards For Villainy” has any moral standing to criticize others for how they determine the value of peoples’ lives, mind.

(2) Other translations for the verb in Mr. Compress’s Japanese line of, “You are the one who ____s Shigaraki the most,” include yearn for, long for, pine for, miss, love dearly, adore, idolize, and revere. “Most devoted follower” is accurate enough, but considerably less homo than some of the things we could have gotten there.

[ms-march]

12 Days of Turn- “Festival”

uhm yeah you’re not being deceived by this header collage.  Happy day 3 of 12 Days of Turn!  Here is a collaboration with @tallmadgeandtea​ on a ss:sp and lbl crossover!  While it is not inherently holiday themed, like at all, it was just too good to not post for the prompt “festival.”  If you like it please be sure to give it a like, comment, and/or reblog!  Disclaimer: there will be some serious lbl spoilers ahead!

May had blossomed in Virginia once again, and Belvoir’s grounds were as beautiful as always.  Ever since John had resigned as an aide de camp and taken a fighting command in Nathanael Greene’s Southern Army, Adrienne had occupied herself by taking trips and hosting extravagant parties at her childhood home.  The guest lists and menus never ceased to distract her from whatever certain peril John placed himself in daily.  Today she dressed in a blue and yellow polonaise gown with a blue brimmed straw hat for a garden party, hosted in the extravagant and freshly manicured gardens behind the Manor.  Her blonde curls were arranged perfectly atop her head as she walked down to the large main entrance hall with a grand doorway leading straight out into the gardens behind it.   

Adrienne stood atop the landing on the grand staircase, and the footmen opened the large front doors, two more appearing and stepping outside to assist guests out of their carriages.  Adrienne gladly smiled at each of them, motioning them behind her and out the doors to the garden.  Most of the guests were members of Virginia high society: Martha Jefferson, Dolley Madison, Elizabeth Wythe,  Martha Washington, Elizabeth Randolph, Catharine Greene, Dorothea Henry, Anne Lee, and many more.  But none of them piqued Adrienne’s interest as much as the additional guest requested by Martha Washington.

Adrienne had known the older woman for as much of her life as she could remember; the woman was as a mother to her, so she was more than willing to grant such a request when it was brought to her.  Upon hearing the name Mrs. Elizabeth Tallmadge, however, Adrienne became excited.  She held Major Tallmadge in high esteem, considering him a friend of hers, and was more than delighted to extend an invite to his wife, even if she would likely be unused to such luxury as was provided at Belvoir.  Adrienne trusted Martha would make her presentable, but when Martha began to ascend the stairs, there was not some pretty faced and practical middle-class girl following her, rather a well-dressed and beautiful tall blonde woman.  She was mesmerizing to Adrienne as she climbed the staircase, her blue and white chintz gown brushing the steps.  It was slightly clear the girl had no governess or formal studies of such, but Adrienne was entirely confident that she could perform to the highest tier without so much as a headache appearing.

The blonde had a radiant and warm smile, complimenting Martha’s own motherly grin, as she looked around the extravagant hall in awe, admiring the murals across the walls and the marble of the stairs.  Her hand hovered over the ornate railing as she floated up the stairs.  When she finally joined Adrienne and Martha atop the landing, Martha smiled, waving the slightly shy girl over to them. “This is a lovely house, madam,” she spoke clear and confidently, “It is certainly a rarity in the colonies.”

“Yes,” Adrienne offered her own warm smile to the woman, seeking to ease her shyness, “It is solely a European style house, based around the classics of Hampton court and the elaborate plaster halls of the baroque style.  My father’s pride and joy.”

She nodded politely, and Martha began to speak, the motherly smile still soft across her face, “We shall see you in the garden, dear.” And the blonde was whisked away, her eyes lingering on Adrienne for a moment as she was led by Martha.

When the long parade of guests had all arrived and been accordingly received, Adrienne slowly made her way to the doors leading to the stone staircase leading down into the gardens.  She took her time as she descended, allowing the chatter to wash over her in waves.  The musicians began to play their light and jovial music- the newest pieces straight from London - as Adrienne exited the doors.  There was no need for the crowd to hush and greet her- this was not a formal ball after all-but there were still a few who made to greet their hostess once again, giving her curtseys as she passed.  Adrienne nodded at each of them with a respectful smile as she drifted through the group of merry guests.  She floated happily from table to table before stumbling upon Martha engaging in a conversation with Catharine Greene, and the blonde from earlier observing the party from an ornate bench with a small flute of cherie in her hand, untouched.  

“You do not drink?” Adrienne asked as she approached, “I can send for another beverage if you would like, madam.” 

“Oh,” the girl startled from her observations, flushing light pink in the cheeks as she gleaned down at the untouched glass before looking back up at Adrienne, “No, that is really unnecessary.  I just find this place too intriguing to be bothered with my drink.  There is far too much to observe.”

Adrienne smiled.  This woman was undoubtedly Major Tallmadge’s wife. “It would be no trouble,” she assured her, “Please notify one of the servants about or myself if you should find yourself in need of anything at all.”

“And if I find myself in need of your name, madam?”

“Then it shall be readily given,” Adrienne smiled brightly, “Lady Adrienne Fairfax Laurens of Virginia. It is my pleasure to make your acquaintance, madam.”

The blonde answered her own question in response. “Mrs. Elizabeth Walker Tallmadge of Philadelphia,” she bowed her head for a moment to acknowledge Adrienne’s title, “My Lady.”

Adrienne’s face turned to a quick shock, followed quickly by excitement as she rushed to sit beside the woman. “Walker?” she asked excitedly, “As in the same family that owns the mysterious Walker Manor?’ An amused nod was given to signal that her assumption was correct, allowing Adrienne to continue in disbelief, “That old brick house with closed gates, locked doors, and empty grounds?  No one has been seen living there for years!”

Elizabeth laughed at the younger girl’s seemingly naive antics, “I have indeed been living there, though mostly alone for the past 10 years.”

“Alone?” Adrienne asked, astounded, “Without so much as a governess?” Another nod, “Then I should imagine you cherished social outings during such a period, madam, for I cannot fathom such a miserable experience.”

Elizabeth shook her head in dismissal, “Unless you count Sunday church as a social outing, which I am sure you do not.”

Adrienne’s jaw dropped open slightly, her eyes widening slightly, “How horrid!  I do believe I would suffer greatly under such circumstances.”

Mrs. Tallmadge looked around the gardens at the decor, servants, and guests galore before responding, “I do believe that you would, my Lady.”

“Oh!” Adrienne reached out, placing her gloved hands atop those of Elizabeth, “Please call me Adrienne or Miss Fairfax at the very least.  I do believe it is well deserved after allowing me to pester you so carelessly.”

“Oh, it is no problem at all, believe me. I rather enjoy being pestered.” Elizabeth grinned at her, allowing a happy laugh to escape, with Adrienne’s own laughter joining her. “Now, allow me to pester you in return,” she continued, “Are you at all perhaps related to the Laurens’ of South Carolina?  I am friends  with Lieutenant Colonel Laurens, who has recently retired to a field command in the southern campaign.”

“Yes, I am” Adrienne spoke, and forcing a smile, she felt a good deal of joy seep out of her body at the mention of her reckless husband, “I married Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens in 1778- our son is inside with his own governess as we speak.”

“Oh!” The woman sounded shocked; Adrienne supposed it was from the lack of such knowledge.  She was sure that John did not speak of her often, if at all before he resigned from the northern campaign. “You must be delighted.  He is a good man. I was married myself in ’78. He attended our wedding.”

“He is a good man,” Adrienne sighed, attempting to keep the smile on her face, “Even if he is occasionally a little too reckless for my liking.”

“Like taking up a field command in South Carolina?” the older blonde asked, lips pulled into a humorous smile with knowing eyes and raised brows.

Adrienne did laugh lightly as she sighed, stress seeping into her voice, “Yes, precisely like taking up a field command in South Carolina.”  

This time it was Elizabeth’s turn to reach her hands out to hold Adrienne’s, “I am sure he will be ok.  He has the tendency to pull through even the most difficult of situations, I assure you. It is something he and my husband have in common.”

A servant came around to Adrienne’s side of the bench from behind, presenting a singular letter upon a tray.  Adrienne took the letter carefully, curiosity seeping through her fingers as she broke the seal.  Her hands unfolded the paper delicately, and she held it in her lap as she began to slowly scan the words.  

“On May 12th, 1780, Charleston, South Carolina, was captured by His Majesty’s Royal Army forces under the direction of Lieutenant-General Sir Henry Clinton.  Major General Benjamin Lincoln provided them an unconditional surrender, turning over himself and all 3,000 men under his command to the mercy of the British.  Those included in these troops are as follows…” 

Adrienne’s eyes scanned quickly down the list, heart pounding against her chest as they searched for the one name that mattered the most to her.  Her heart ceased in its incessant pounding, stopping entirely as her eyes glazed over the words on the paper before her.

“Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens”

Her throat was dry, and her layers became constricting.  She did not notice as the blonde’s astute eyes beside her examined the paper in Adrienne’s hand.  Until Elizabeth  spoke up, “Adrienne, I am sorry-”

She stood abruptly, swallowing thickly, “You will have to excuse me, Mrs. Tallmadge.  I need to get some fresh air.” Adrienne hurried away as quickly as she could into the house and to the room directly to the right of the garden’s entrance, drawing Martha’s eyes and mind from her conversation with Catharine Greene.  She excused herself from the woman and began to make her way into the house, Elizabeth trailing closely behind.  

Adrienne had called for her son, just a year old, and swaddled in blankets.  She sat on a chaise against the wall of the entirely empty bluish-gray room, the letter lying face-up beside her.  She did not look up the sound of heels on the tile, attention focused solely on her child.

“What happened?” Martha asked Elizabeth as she rushed through the doorway.

“She got news of her husband,” she replied, electing to forgo discretion in this instance, “And it is not all good.”

“Not good as in he prefers the new position or not good as in he is dead?”

“Neither,” she replied as they rushed into the room, the swishing noise of their silks and the click of their heels across the tile having no effect on the young girl who sat, holding her child. “Charleston has been lost and the Lieutenant Colonel taken prisoner.”

“Oh, not good,” Martha spoke, cutting the conversation off as they approached.  Martha took a seat on one side of Lady Fairfax, moving the letter to her hands so that she could sit, with Elizabeth sitting on the girl’s other side. “Adrienne, dear,” Martha spoke, placing a hand on Adrienne’s forearm, “Tell us what has happened.  We only wish to help.” She continued trying to soothe the distraught girl for several minutes to no avail.  Martha finally excused herself to send for some cold water and a washrag, hoping that would be enough to pull Adrienne out of the shock that had overtaken her body.

Elizabeth stayed with her, observing the young woman as she cradled the baby in her arms, holding him close against her chest.  She watched as Adrienne softly shushed the baby, bouncing him just slightly. “May I hold him?” she asked, pulling the girl from her stupor.

Adrienne’s eyes glanced over to the woman in blue beside her before clearing her throat and snapping to attention, “Yes, of course, you may.” She carefully handed the bundle of blankets over to Elizabeth, her eyes never leaving the baby’s face. “Be gentle with him,” she spoke in what sounded a bit like a plea, eyes still focused on the baby’s face, “Little John is still just barely a year old, and he is very precious to me.”

Elizabeth nodded, the baby taking her full attention as well.  A happy smile rested on her face as the baby cooed, but unlike Adrienne, she made no attempt to shush him. “He is named after his father?” she asked the young girl softly.

“Yes,” Adrienne smiled in a similar way to Martha Washington as she looked upon the baby, “He shares his father’s eyes.” The baby whined, prompting Adrianne to reach out and caress his soft cheeks and comfortingly hum to the child, Elizabeth recognizing the song as the chorus of “In Days of My Youth.” When the boy finally quieted, satisfied with her attentions, “And his temper as well.”

Elizabeth laughed a little at that, making faces to baby John. “He is an angel,” she whispered to the young woman beside her.

“He is incredibly well-behaved today,” she agreed, “But do not let him fool you.” She whispered, caressing his cheek, “His lungs are as strong as can be.  I should think he could give Colonel Hamilton a run for his money once he is older.”

“As his father already does?”

“Precisely,” Adrienne replied, prompting the two girls to begin laughing once more.

A moment of silence passed over the room and between the young women, the coos of the baby being the only things stopping the room from falling into complete silence.  Finally, Elizabeth spoke, turning to look at Lady Fairfax, “I could write Benjamin for any news on Lieutenant Colonel Laurens if you would like, Miss Fairfax.  It would be no trouble at all.”

Adrienne opened her mouth to reply before closing it with a sigh, “No, it is likely the news has not yet reached the northern campaign.” Elizabeth opened her mouth, no doubt to offer a statement of hope or a plea to at least attempt the contact, but Adrienne waved her off kindly with a tired smile. “There is very little General Washington could do for John, besides make his situation worse.  No,” she brushed invisible dust from her skirts, “I shall go to Charlestown.  As a member of the British Aristocracy, I benefit from accommodation by any of His Majesty’s forces.  And they will be forced to heed to my wishes out of respect for the hierarchy of British society.”

Mrs. Tallmadge placed a concerned hand over Adrienne’s own once more, her brow furrowed in concern, “Are you sure that is a good idea?”

“It is the best idea I have got, and the best chance John has got,” she spoke, attempting to sound convincing, to herself as well as Elizabeth, “Even if he will be cross with me for my interference.”

Elizabeth pursed her lips slightly, trying to pull them into a smile as she did so, “Are you sure you do not wish for the General to interfere on your behalf instead?”

“Yes,” Adrienne nodded, forcing out a shaky breath, “Unveiling any further connection between the Lieutenant Colonel and Uncle George will only make easing his situation even harder.  They will make it worse, attempting to dangle him before the General.”

Elizabeth nodded, observing the girl a little closer upon her comment, ‘Uncle George?  That is certainly new.’  

Adrienne looked away from the older woman, down to the baby now sleeping peacefully in her arms.  Adrienne laughed quietly at his little snores, “Would you mind coming with me to put him to bed?  I fear it will wake him if I were to take him.”

Elizabeth nodded and rose slowly, following the shorter blonde out the light blue room’s large entranceway, farther into the house.  She followed Adrienne up an elaborate white staircase, across an upper terrace of a small tiled ballroom, through a paneled door to a less ornate but large room of yellow and green.  The room had a plush alcove bed with two doors on each side of it, several chairs, and a chaise.  There were toys of obvious expense that the baby could not yet hold arranged decoratively on the floor.  Adrienne led her to the bed, instructing her to place the baby atop of it.  She pulled a little lever connected to a wire with her finger and sat on the edge of the bed.  Elizabeth watched as she sang softly to the baby in the bed.

“From the court to the cottage convey me, away for I am weary of grandeur and what they call gay; From the court to the cottage convey me, away for I am weary of grandeur and what they call gay.  Where pride without measure and pomp without pleasure, make life in a circle of hurry decay.” Adrienne continued to hum the melody softly until the door left of the bed opened and a woman, a servant, stepped out, curtsying to the two ladies.   She rose wordlessly, smiling warmly at the woman as she took a seat in the room before ushering Elizabeth out of the room with her. “I like to have someone watch over him as he sleeps,” she explained to the older woman, “It makes me feel better when I leave him to rest.”

Elizabeth nodded at her, smiling back to Adrienne, “A mother never stops worrying about her child.”

“Are you yourself one?” Adrienne asked politely as they stood in the hall outside the bedroom.

“No, Miss Fairfax,” Elizabeth smiled sadly, “As badly as I wish for a child of my own, my husband wishes to wait till after the war. Though I cannot help but agree with him. I can not imagine how hard it is to be a mother during times like these. And who knows how I would manage.”

Adrienne smiled comfortingly up at the tall woman, “And I have no doubt you will make an excellent one.” She offered her arm to Elizabeth, who looped their arms together as they walked down the hall, turning before reaching the terrace they had crossed originally, slowly strolling down a long and wide hallway with a series of proudly displayed portraits.

Elizabeth’s eyes scanned the walls, recognizing one of them, a very young little girl with blonde hair with a white linen gown and blue silk sash wrapped around her waist.  It was Lady Fairfax, she realized.  Her eyes darted away, noticing another young woman, not as young as Adrienne, but a child nonetheless.  She had wavy brown hair and wore a solid blue dress similar in shade to Adrienne’s own.  There was a plaque underneath the portrait that read “Lady Anne Fairfax 1748-1763.” The girl was only a mere fifteen years old at her passing.

The next portrait that caught her eye was one of a man in a blue and gold silk coat, this was also labeled, “Viscount George William Fairfax 1729-” there was no year of death, and Elizabeth realized he must have been older than the General.  The final portrait that caught her eye was not dressed in blue or white, but pink.  The plaque read “Sarah Walker Fairfax 1719-1754” and Elizabeth paused, jerking Adrienne’s attention to her.  1719, that was a Walker older than her own father.

“Is everything alright, Mrs. Tallmadge?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth cleared her throat, giving the girl a smile, “I was just admiring this portrait, and the name startled me.”

“Oh!” Adrienne exclaimed with a large, genuine smile, “That is my grandmother, of Virginia’s original Fairfaxes.  Do not let her poise fool you.  She was born in the Colonies, rather than England.  Was raised in the Caribbean, actually.”

“And born where?” Elizabeth asked curiously.

“Pennsylvania or Maryland, I think,” Adrienne replied, “I am not sure.  Why do you ask?”

“I have seen this portrait before,” Elizabeth spoke, eyes examining the painting, “In the storage of Walker Manor.  Every time I asked about it, my father would simply ignore me.”

“Walker Manor,” Adrienne asked, moving to stand beside the tall blonde, “Do you think she could be related to you in any way?”

“Who were her parents?”

“I do not recall her mother, but her father was a man named John Francis Walker.”

Elizabeth gasped, turning quickly to Adrienne, “That is my uncle!  I have never met him, he has long since passed, but my father has spoken of him several times when complaining about old fixtures around the house. He likes to say he was the one who inherited both the Philadelphia status and the messes that came with it.”

Adrienne’s face lit up as well, not caring about the previous comment by Elizabeth’s father.  She reached out to hold each of Elizabeth’s hands in her own, “That is very exciting, madam, that I could have just met you today only to find out that we are related!”

“Indeed it is!” Elizabeth spoke happily as she laughed at Adrienne’s childish joy. “Though I suppose it is not too surprising. Old Philadelphians may complain about Old Virginians, but we have all found a way to get into each society’s most prominent families.” She turned to face the rest of the hall, eyes scanning portraits until they landed on a pair of paintings, each of a young man in a red and blue military coat.  She walked to them gladly, Adrienne trailing behind her.

“Oh!” Adrienne exclaimed as she realized who the two twin paintings that hung from the walls were. “Those were gifts from Mrs. Mary Ball Washington.  The one on top is Uncle George when he was a Colonel in the British-American Army during the French-Indian war.” She pointed up to it, “And the one below it is his elder brother, Lawrence Washington, a Major in His Majesty’s Army.  I was engaged to him for a short period between the deaths of my sister, Anne, and his own.”

“His elder brother?” the woman asked, astounded, “But the general is approaching fifty years of age if I am correct!”

“Yes,” Adrienne laughed, “There would have been quite the age gap between us.”

“Would a child even be possible in such a match?” Mrs. Tallmadge asked as they continued to walk along, turning from the hall and down a separate set of marble stairs with even mural-sized portraits lining the walls.

“Yes,” Adrienne replied, “But I would have been married far younger.  With Lieutenant Colonel Laurens, I was given the luxury of time, and I am very grateful for it.”

The women descended the stairs, and Adrienne ushered her out the door underneath the staircase that led out to the gardens. “I must collect Martha.  We will return to the party shortly,” she assured Elizabeth, “I have already been absent for too long.  It is unbecoming of a hostess to abandon her guests in such a manner.”

Elizabeth reached out, grabbing Adrienne’s elbow as she turned away from her, causing Adrienne to look back at her as she stood in the doorway. “If you ever should find yourself in need of anything, please, let me know,” she smiled softly, letting her hand fall back to her side.  There was a knowing gleam in her eye, “I have a way of getting things done.”

Adrienne smiled brightly back at her, laughing happily at her statement, then turned around entirely and disappeared down the sunny corridor.

[hazbbyhaz]

sleepless || harry styles

eight

pairing: Harry Styles x OC

synopsis: a night out on the town

disclaimer: cursing, bars

Forever is composed of nows

Avery watched Harry decline the incoming call without a second thought. “We should get going.” He said, already making his way to the door. She quickly grabbed her keys and her coat before following him out of the flat. There was something impatient and troublesome about his presence as he waited for her to lock her front door.

“How are we getting there?”

“We drive.” He must be a damn good photographer if he could afford a car. As if he could read her mind, he soon spoke, “The car’s not mine, It's my uncles.”

The vehicle was small but cute. It seemed to fit him well. During the drive to the club, Harry was rather quiet and closed off. Later saying that his friends were already there, quickly assuming she still remembered them from his birthday

“So, you're a photographer, right? What do you photograph?”

“I like black and white photographs,” He said. He stopped to think about what he was going to say next before he continued. “When I got into photography I used to just take pictures of my friends without them noticing. Then I moved on to public transport, parties, concerts. All those places where you can catch a glimpse of people's souls. I quickly threw out all of my colored films and switched to black and white. There's something so much more vulnerable and secretive about it…”

“I like that.” She imagines Harry with a camera in his hand, spending his days in London looking for the mystery in every person who passed him.

He gave her a small smile, which did not reach all the way up to his eyes. “Me too. However, I can't make my money with that. It's not good enough to stand on its own, so I work for a modeling agency as a photographer. It's not bad, they pay good enough but it also shows me just how much I hate staged photographs. What about you then? What's your passion?”

She shrugged, moving her gaze to the front. “Writing, I guess.” The truth was, she had no idea. In her opinion, it was too hard for her to organize all of her thoughts inside of her head, let alone sit down to put them to paper. She wanted to be a writer. She did. It was one of the only things she really wanted, but she knew she didn't have the talent or skill set for it.

“So you want to be a journalist? Or a writer?” Harry asked. She struggled with finding an answer since nobody had ever shown that much real, genuine interest in her.

“Just a writer, I think… but journalism sounds nice too.” In reality, she'd like to tell him that she didn't know what to do. Tell him that she was lost. Completely and utterly lost. In her childhood, she was never given the chance to find her talents or develop specific abilities. She had never shown her work to anyone, only submitting a handful of short stories to magazines just to receive no reply in return.

“Can you tell me more about your photographs?’’

He grinned and told Avery more. He spoke with so much emotion that Avery found herself wondering if she had sounded the same when she talked about writing. Most likely not. I felt like he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew how to capture an image and turn it into the most wonderful masterpiece.

Soon after, the club came in sight. Harry parked the car at the side of the road, and as they were getting out, a sudden wave of exhaustion overcame her. Just thinking about meeting his friends, for real this time, made her mind so tired, “You ready?”

“Sure.”

Avery had never been much of a club person, always liking the warmer feeling a pub provided. She didn't like the loud music, the overwhelming smell of pure sweat, and just the overall pace of it all. She felt like everything went so much faster. Harry helped her take off her coat as they got inside. Despite her objections, he paid for both entries, emitting a small chuckle when she tried to argue with him.

The entire place was filled with people and the music was being managed by a DJ in the back of the room. Different colored lights flashed and moved through the crowd. Harry soon took her hand into his own, leading her through the crowd, and down a small flight of stairs to a much quieter area.

The brunette girl was the first person Avery spotted. “Emily, How are you? Why are you down here?” Harry greeted her with a hug, letting go of Avery's hand in the process. “Not bad, the DJ is kinda wack.”

“Well, look who's talking. The girl who said we HAD to come here.” A guy standing close by said, mimicking Emily.

“Shut up, George.” Harry greeted the others. Some of them she recognized from the party and some she didn't.

“This is Avery.” He introduced her and all of his friends' eyes stopped on her for a moment, looking her up and down, making her feel like a rat on a doctor’s table.

“Nice to see you again,” Emily said, the others nodded in her direction, but a second later all of their attention was back on Emily. She let out a dramatic sigh, “So, what are we going to do? Stay here, or go somewhere else?”

“I vote that we stay here.” A rather tall man, Harry had introduced as James, said. The brunette rolled her eyes, all of them making their way to the dance floor nonetheless, George making it his responsibility to get drinks for everybody.

It was hard for Avery to enjoy herself. She felt incredibly awkward while dancing, or trying to anyway. All the others had some type of rhythm in their blood, while she was desperately trying her best. Once “Low” by Flo Rida started to pour out of the speakers, she made a mad dash to the bathroom, staying there until the song was finished. Harry didn't drink, as he had to drive them both back afterward, so Avery did the same. Wanting to avoid all possible realms of embarrassment.

He gave her a small backstory of his mates. James has very rich parents, his dad paying his way through law school just so he can tell his colleagues that his son is a successful lawyer. James has a twin brother named Jasper, he ended up leaving home the first chance he got. George is a failed musician who has the entire second verse of Piano Man tattooed on his ass. Emily is into fashion, but she lost per passion for it after she got rejected from a school in Amsterdam. They all seemed to be on some kind of path. Every one of them working their way to the future, attempting to reach some sort of goal.

And Harry had taken photos of all of it. Documenting their entire lives as these individuals. He had taken photos of James passed out on the floor with numerous textbooks open around him, all just to live up to his father's standards. There were pictures of George playing the piano in many different pubs, several pints sitting atop the instrument while his friends listened to him play a tune. A few were taken of Emily hard at work, sat by her sewing machine, or window shopping at nearby second-hand dress shops. And when Jasper was around, there were a couple of him trying to learn how to juggle, the instructions given to him by a homeless man.

Their lives had been documented in a way so utterly beautiful. Photographs were taken in moments that seemed worth freezing. Moments that a curly-headed boy thought deserved to be remembered forever. Knowing all of this made Avery feel so unexplainably lonely, especially while being in their company.

“Did you have fun?” They had made it back to the car at 2 am. Harry took a quick look back, seeing all of his friends laughing, and stumbling while making their way back home.

“Yes, thank you for inviting me.”

“My pleasure. What are you going to do when you get home?” He backed out and drove onto the main road.

“Probably make a couple of cups of coffee.” She still hadn't made it out to the grocery to pick up more tea.

“You don't sleep often, huh?”

“What makes you think that?” The answer was obvious.

“You look tired a lot. Why don't you sleep?” Avery ignores his assumption. She wasn't offended, it was easy to assume without being incorrect.

“I don't like it,” She shrugged, feeling like a child. “I prefer to stay awake.” Avery could tell that he wanted to ask more questions. She would have been fine with this, but at this point, she was beyond exhausted and couldn't handle giving any more answers. “Can I ask you a question?’’

“Shoot.”

She waited a moment before continuing. Not for dramatic effect, just to figure out how she wanted to go about it. “What do you dream of?”

Harry's eyebrows pulled together, and he looked her way. “Uhm… I guess making a living off my-”

“No,” She quickly stopped him. “I mean… When you fall asleep at night. What do you dream of?”

“Oh… I don't know. I forget most of the time when I wake up, but last week I dreamed I had adopted a puppy and he ran away the second day I had him. I oddly enough didn't mind that he had run away. He ended up coming back on the third day. Quite random, but that was that… Why are you asking me this?”

Avery smiled at the description of his dream. So innocent and childlike. He didn't have to worry about what would appear before him when he fell asleep, and she was glad that he didn't have to. “No reason.”

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[chibimyumi]

【Response to this post: “What does ‘transgender’ mean?” Explanation through a Pizza and Kuroshitsuji.】

Dear Anon,

I am by no means qualified to make statements about you since I don’t know who you are, but do allow me to suggest a few ideas.

The sexuality that comes to my mind from your ask is something that falls within the spectrum of Asexuality, named ‘Graysexuality’. As for what this is... I think it might be best if you read up on it a bit more if you’re interested, because this is too broad. But for now, I think this website might be helpful.

What you experience is not mainstream at all and rather complex, so forgive me for starting this post in what seems like a “Chibi, where the hell are you trying to go to?”

⚠️Disclaimer: EVERYTHING I will say below is simply food for thought. This post is by no means an essay to convince you (or anyone else) what sexuality you are.The below are simply SOME aspects from which you can consider whether asexuality applies to you. In the end of the day, whether you are ace or not, depends entirely on whether or not you feel comfortable calling yourself as such. ⚠️

1. Enjoyment of Romance vs Participation of Romance

The role of Fiction

First of all I would like to touch upon you saying that you do enjoy reading romance in fiction, but are horrified at the idea of actively participating in a romantic relationship.

I think your “I like it, but I also hate it” is a very normal thing. Fiction is a means through which people explore possibilities that would be impossible, dangerous/scary, or undesirable in real life. That is the whole point of fiction; that we are able to experience a life that doesn’t exist for us, or to re-live a life through someone else (who is just like us, or reversely, very different). That is why fiction matters, oh, people who have not noticed yet.

Perhaps active participation of romance is to you something that is ‘undesirable’ or even ‘dangerous/scary’, and that is why you enjoy it in fiction in the same way some people like reading dystopia stories. For example: “do people want to live in Victorian England where serial murders occur and people need to fight tooth and nail just to get by?” Well, I SURE HOPE NOT! But I know my blog audience consists mostly of Kuroshitsuji readers, and yet we are all here anyway.

Q1: Now, my first question to you is: “Do you perhaps only like the ‘idea of romance’ but not ‘romance it self’? Is ‘romance’ to you personally like ‘murderous 19th century England’? Exciting in theory, but terrible in practice?”

2. Allonormativity and “the broken aces”

Allonormativity - Socialisation and Romance-crazed-society

Our society is BONKERS about romance and treats the ‘achievement of romance’ as a person’s ‘holiest achievement’. Why? Because society wants us to make BABIES. But it can be a pain in the arse (literally), and many people might actually not want it. What did society do? Tell us that we WANT IT and sell us stories of GREAT LOVE sugarcoated in ✨romance✨. (A reminder that the notion of ‘romance’ being linked to ‘marriage’, and by extent, ‘procreation’ has not always existed in human society. It is since the more recent history that humans have come to think of these things to be intrinsically connected.)

Growing up, what is the most persistent question we hear? “Do you have a Boy/Girlfriend?”, “what is your type?”, “is that your partner, or are you JUST friends?” All these questions hold assumptions that it is ‘natural’ for people to want to be in a relationship. In particular, the last phrase also contains two very loaded words, namely 1. ‘partner’, and 2. ‘just’.

Partner: When the question about ‘partner’ is raised, people usually don’t ask:  “My partner in what...? Partner in crime? Partner in business?” That is because there is a silent assumption that this refers to ‘romantic partner’. If you do ask what ‘partner’ should refer to, however, the answer will be a variant on: “you know.... your PARTNER, your ‘lover’”. The word ‘partner’ is actually just a term for someone we are supposed to work in a team with. But over time, a ‘partner’ has come to be interpreted as the ONE person you want to bang AND are supposed to be ‘in a team with.’ It is assumed that “you can’t be someone’s partner if you don’t want to kiss them, and share the rest of your life with.” The suggestion that comes with this word is that ‘if you don’t have a romantic partner, you are alone.” (How often do we hear people say: “I don’t want to be alone” when they actually mean: I don’t want to NOT be in a romantic relationship?) This is also where ‘your other half’ as a term comes in; there is an assumption that you are ‘incomplete’ without someone you want to bang (and have babies with).  

JUST: As I have said before in this post, the word ‘just’ is a linguistic signifier that something is ‘trivial’ or ‘less important’. In this phrase, the ‘friend’ is assumed to be “not a partner” and likewise “less important than ‘partner’”.

Where am I going with this? As we can see, growing up we have been fed great stories of romance that brainwashed us with the idea that “it is normal to want a ‘partner’, or otherwise you are without someone to be in a team with.” You will be the ‘loner’ and excluded from ‘normal society’. This is allonormativity, wherein not being romantic is condemned. This is why many people rush into relationships, and often rather stay in a bad/abusive relationship than walk away; for fear of being ‘excluded’.

  “The sad, traumatised, broken aces”

The next thing I would like to throw out also as food for thought is about the knee-jerk reaction of “did something happen in the past?” when someone says they are not interested in dating or sex. There seems to be a common assumption that if someone doesn’t want ““to love and be loved””, there is something wrong with them.

I really don’t know you, so I am forced to make conclusions based on the little information from your ask. Please by ALL means ignore me if I am wrong, but this is just food for thought:

Q2: “is it possible that you suspected something was ‘wrong’ with you, but have no ‘trauma’ to explain this ‘wrongness’ about the way you feel? And did this suspicion that you are ‘abnormal’ lead you to visit a ‘doctor’, who in turn might have reinforced the idea that it is “odd to not want to be in a romantic relationship without prior trauma”? In other words; were you confronted with allonormativity but find yourself not to fit this norm? (If your doctor did instill the idea in you that it is ‘odd’ to not be romantically inclined without trauma, please tell them to educate themselves on asexuality, please. Please.)

In case it wasn’t clear what I am trying to say: someone does not need to be ‘broken’ to not (always) desire romance and/or sex.

3. Chocolate vs Water

There is a also common misconception among even the people who are familiar with the term ‘asexuality’ or ‘ace spectrum’: namely that asexuality is the same as abstinence or the absence of desire for sex/romance. This however, is very far from the truth.

I would say that sex and/or romance to allo people is like water; it is a necessity. Without water, they feel like they lack a basic life necessity to stay sane and healthy.

To ace people however, I suggest romance/sex is chocolate. Some people like chocolate, some people don’t. When someone says: “I don’t like chocolate”, they are usually met with disbelief: “WHAT, you don’t like chocolate?! What’s wrong with you?”

Ace people who DON’T like chocolate just don’t want it, and they’re not ill or something. They don’t need a sob story of how they choked on it or had an allergic reaction when they were little. These people do not have to hate on chocolate though. Perhaps it is like: “sure, chocolate looks pretty in food art, but do I want to eat it? Nah.”

Ace people who DO like chocolate eat it happily sometimes, but they will survive fine without chocolate. It’s something you must ‘feel like’. Just imagine car-sickness for now. You might love chocolate, but you might not even want to see it when you’re car-sick. You don’t ‘feel like it’.

4. Afterword

Dear Anon, I have rambled quite a lot, but I hope it is comprehensive. Again, I am not trying to impose any labels on you, I am simply trying to list and unpack a few ideas that may not have been considered yet. Again: whether or not someone is x/y/z-sexual depends on whether they feel that label fits them, after all.

To other people, perhaps it is interesting for you to consider these things too? Have you too been battered with allonormativity? Are sex and/or romance water to you, or chocolate?

Anyway, I hope this helps a little bit! (*´▽｀*)ノ

[thepoeticfirefly]

Always You (Chanyeol x Reader// Baekhyun x Reader) Three

Summary: She never intended to fall in love with her best friend knowing that doing so will hurt what they already have. But what she never wanted was to hurt them both in expense of her feelings (to edit if i think of a better summary than this crap)

Genre: Angst/Fluff; high school to college au; chanyeol & baekhyun x fem!reader

Disclaimer: this story is mine and any stories with a similar plot is a coincidence. this is story is purely my imagination; moodboard is mine, i really worked hard doing it and I know it's not that good but it was my first time doing one but it was fun😆

Warnings: self-hate so please don’t read if you would be triggered by this. also angst

Word Count: 2.9k+

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

Weeks has passed by since Chanyeol and Mi Soo became official. News has spread through out their year and everyone thought the new couple was nothing but adorable. Chanyeol couldn’t be more happy to be with Mi Soo, even more when she hangs out with his friends. In Chanyeol’s eyes, everything was going perfectly. He is so high in cloud nine that no sad movie made him down.

Through out those weeks, Baekhyun attached himself to Y/N, doing everything he can that could make her forget Chanyeol, even if it was just for a minute. Since Chanyeol reduced his time with Baekhyun and Y/N now that he has a girlfriend, Baekhyun used those times to cheer up Y/N, always sticking to her side no matter what. To the extent that some even thought they were dating which were immediately turned down by the two.

Y/N was’t dumb to not notice what Baekhyun was doing and her heart soared for the boy. She felt so thankful that she had Baekhyun as a friend, and she could not ask for more. As to not waste Baekhyun’s effort, Y/N focused on him. Always playing along with his antics and talking to him on endless hours, making sure to be cheerful to make the boy happy.

As for Chanyeol, Y/N felt hurt at the fact that he seemed to be more distant, hurting even more because she knew he was with Mi Soo. Y/N has told herself multiple times to be happy for Chanyeol. That she should be glad that every time she sees him, he was smiling. And that if she really love him, she should be happy that he’s happy, even if it wasn’t her by his side.

But even with her mindset, her heart still couldn’t help but ache whenever she sees Chanyeol and Mi Soo together, laughing and just being their happy selves, in love. It was torture to be in the same room as them. And so she didn’t look at Chanyeol except if he talked to her first.

“Y/N” Chanyeol called and Y/N hummed in response, her eyes set on the problem she’s solving. She saw Chanyeol move to Baekhyun’s seat next to her and her heart start beating rapidly. Baekhyun just left the classroom to go to the bathroom and she thought that if she focused on her work, Chanyeol wouldn’t disturb her, knowing that Y/N didn’t like being disturbed while she’s seriously answering worksheets. But her assumption was proven wrong when he suddenly leaned in to her and whispered

“You’re doing it wrong” Y/N shivered at his words, her mind going wild as he took Y/N’s pen, brushing her hand at the action. Y/N watched Chanyeol’s hand point where she was wrong. Chanyeol started explaining what she did wrong but all she could comprehend at the moment was that he’s whispering in her ear, leaning into her, causing goosebumps erupt in her body. She could feel his warmth at her side and she could just go crazy right there and then.

Y/N felt disappointed when he let go of her pen and leaned away. Y/N could feel Chanyeol’s eyes on her and so she nodded, taking her pen and going back on her problem. She heard Chanyeol make a confused sound and said “I don’t think you listened to me at all”

Y/N laughed sheepishly and shook her head no, still not looking at him. Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrowed and held Y/N’s shoulder which made her freeze.

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” He asked. Y/N turned to him but didn’t look him in the eyes

“What are you talking about, Yeol-ah?” Y/N laughed, shrugging him off and returning her focus on her paper. Chanyeol frowned at this.

“I feel like you’re avoiding me lately. Are you?” Chanyeol asked, his voice dripping with sadness that struck her too much than she expected. Y/N didn’t want Chanyeol to feel like this. She thought that maybe he won’t notice since he’s preoccupied with Mi Soo. Y/N felt guilty yet happy at the same time. Regret for making him feel that way and happy because he showed that he still cared.

“No” Y/N scoffed laughingly. Y/N chuckled but stopped when she saw Chanyeol frowning at her.

“Are you actually...avoiding me?” His voice cracked and Y/N has never seen his eyes so sad. Alarmed, Y/N turned her body to Chanyeol and took his hand to squeeze it comfortingly.

“No, Yeol-ah. I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I swear I’ll be better” Y/N heard a scoff from behind and she turned around to see Baekhyun looking disapprovingly at them.

“You swear to be better? What did you even do wrong?” Baekhyun snapped, taking Chanyeol and Y/N aback. It was rare to see Baekhyun mad and so Chanyeol was confused to see him this way so abruptly. Y/N could only look at Baekhyun worriedly, understanding why he was mad but confused since he didn’t have to be mad that much.

“Because I made him feel like I was avoiding him” Y/N said in a low voice, hoping for no one to hear her, though the two boys heard it clearly. Baekhyun scoffed again and Y/N felt suddenly small to be in between Chanyeol and Baekhyun, not liking one bit of the current situation

“Weren’t you?” Y/N froze at his words and Chanyeol was utterly confused, glancing at Baekhyun and Y/N back and forth. Chanyeol let out a confused “What?” while Y/N looked at Baekhyun, frozen on her seat.

Baekhyun felt a sudden rush of guilt when he noticed the hurt in Y/N’s eyes. His eyes softened and muttered a “Sorry” before walking away, sitting at the leftmost chair at the front. Chanyeol and Y/N watched Baekhyun put his head down on the table and Chanyeol took this as a sign to not follow him to let him cool down.

Chanyeol continued what he was doing but Y/N’s eyes was stuck on Baekhyun, worried and uncomfortable. She could only guess that Baekhyun had had enough and exploded. Y/N couldn’t blame him, blaming herself for using Baekhyun as a shield and being her weak self. Y/N hated herself. If only she hadn’t liked Chanyeol, everything would be normal just like before. But what Y/N hated about herself the most is that she suddenly turned into this weak-hearted girl that was easily swayed by her feelings. Looking at Baekhyun, Y/N gulped, her mind set to be a better person and to be a better friend. At least for Baekhyun, she’d do that for all he did was for her. It was time she give back what he gave.

At lunch, Chanyeol scurried off to find Mi Soo, leaving Y/N alone. Baekhyun was still in his seat, seemingly fallen asleep. After fixing her things, Y/N walked towards Baekhyun and sat down beside him. Not wanting to disrupt his sleep, Y/N scrolled through her phone, playing a game to pass time.

“Hah! You suck” Y/N jumped and turned to look at Baekhyun who no longer had his head on his table but was now looking at her phone, watching her play. Baekhyun took her phone and played, his eyes reflecting what was on the screen.

Y/N leaned back on her seat, watching the screen as Baekhyun played. The silence was broken when Baekhyun muttered a quiet “Sorry” still looking at the screen as he played. Y/N smiled at him, her heart now calmed down.

“I’m sorry too” Baekhyun cursed when the character in the game died. Setting Y/N’s phone down, he looked at her and smiled back. Somehow, having Y/N’s attention on him and being worried for him made him happy.

“Nah, it was my fault. Sorry for saying that, especially since he doesn’t know” Y/N shook her head and replied

“It’s alright because I will officially be moving on” Y/N said enthusiastically, smiling from ear to ear to be hopeful. Baekhyun studied her face before copying her actions, going back to his happy self as he exclaimed “Yep! I wish for your success! Now, let’s buy food!”

“Food it is!” Y/N stood up, holding Baekhyun’s hand in hers before dragging him with him as they ran to the canteen, grinning as hope sparked in their hearts.

“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” People cheered as Y/N drank down her glass of beer. People cheered as she emptied her glass, Y/N groaning as the bitter taste of the beer stayed on her tongue, her throat burning. 

“Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!” Baekhyun screamed, jumping up and down as his drunk self blurred away his sober thoughts.

“Baekhyun! Shut up! You’re hurting my ears!” Y/N exclaimed, bringing her hands to her ears to plug off the noisy boy, her cheeks red as she slowly felt herself getting a bit drunk. It was her 18th birthday and despite to her demur, she was dragged to a party of one of the seniors in her school. All she wanted was a quiet day to herself but now that she was in the party, she couldn’t help but actually enjoy herself. Who wouldn’t enjoy when you have Byun Baekhyun being his happy self cheer and celebrate your birthday?

Coughing, Y/N fell to the couch beside Chanyeol and Mi Soo who watched their friends in amusement. Chanyeol was about to drink when Baekhyun stopped him and reprimanded “No! Underage people can’t drink!”

“Wha-? I’m about to turn 18 too you know!” Chanyeol protested and was about to drink into his cup when Mi Soo took it away. Chanyeol pouted at her and she only replied “No, he’s right. No drinks for you, baby boy” She smirked, sipping from his cup.

Y/N barfed at this, fake gagging to which Baekhyun laughed, drinking more of his beer.

“I am not a baby! I am 17!” Chanyeol screamed and the three of them laughed. Chanyeol’s cheeks turned pink and said “We’re all the same age, why are you doing this to me?”

“ ‘Cause you’re a baby” Mi Soo said, tracing Chanyeol’s nose to which he blushed.

“A big baby” Y/N sputtered out, frowning at everything, turning drunk as the seconds passed.

“Hey!” Chanyeol pouted causing a laugh erupt from Mi Soo.

“And besides Chanyeol, we need to be sober to take these two home” Mi Soo reasoned, turning to look at wasted Baekhyun and now drunk Y/N.

“What a birthday, I don’t even have a cake” Y/N grumbled under her breath, laying down on the couch, pushing Mi Soo off Chanyeol’s lap as Y/N stretched her legs to get comfortable.

Mi Soo yelped as Chanyeol held her to stop her from falling. Chanyeol glared at Y/N for a second but turned his attention back to Mi Soo “You alright?” He asked and Mi Soo nodded, smiling.

“How disgusting” Baekhyun said, watching their exchange. Mi Soo laughed and Chanyeol only stuck his tongue out at his best friend “You’re just jealous you don’t have a girlfriend”

“That’s right I’m jealous!” screamed Baekhyun, tumbling down as he approached Y/N’s sleeping figure “I’m so jealous I could kill you” Baekhyun growled at Chanyeol whom he pushed off the couch. Mi Soo and Chanyeol yelped in surprise as they were totally kicked out of the couch. Baekhyun straightened Y/N’s legs and turned to look at Mi Soo and Chanyeol “Don’t disturb her!”

Mi Soo awed, muttering a quiet “Sweet” as she entangled her arms with Chanyeol’s, suddenly feeling romantic at Baekhyun’s gesture for Y/N. Baekhyun sat on the floor, leaning his back against the couch, his eyes fluttering close as sleep took over him.

Chanyeol took Mi Soo’s hand and began to led her away when she stopped and asked “How about them?” Chanyeol glanced back at his best friends and smiled

“They’ll be alright”

“You sure you’ll be alright?” Mi Soo asked as she stared at Y/N and Baekhyun sleeping at the back of Chanyeol’s father’s car.

“Yeah, as long as they don’t wake up and throw up that is” Chanyeol chuckled as he led his girlfriend to her house. They stopped by her door and Mi Soo kissed his cheeks quickly before entering her house without a word. Chanyeol could only blush and smile at her actions.

Chanyeol got back to the car and drove off, stopping by Baekhyun’s house first. After much struggle, Chanyeol managed to get Baekhyun on his back as he led him to his room. Upon setting him on his bed, he ran out, saying a quick goodbye to Baekhyun’s mother. He couldn’t leave Y/N alone in the car, especially it was night and she’s a girl.

When they arrived at her house, Chanyeol shook her awake, her waking up just to brush him off and curse him to let her sleep. Chanyeol chuckled and had no choice but to get Y/N on his back. Chanyeol effortlessly carried her, her breath on his neck as she dozed off.

“Yeol-ah” Y/N said groggily. Chanyeol hummed in response, knocking on the door. It was silent again, only the silent breeze of the air and Y/N’s breathing filled Chanyeol’s ear.

“Park Chanyeol” Y/N said again and Chanyeol hummed again, glancing at her from his peripheral vision. She had her head on his shoulders, she hugged him tighter and kissed his cheek, giggling to herself.

Chanyeol froze, his legs turning cold at Y/N’s actions “Y-Y/N?”

“Park Chanyeol~” She cooed, giggling again, sending vibrations in his ear. The night hid the blush on his cheeks as his stomach dropped. What was happening?

“Park Chanyeol” She cooed again, but this time, he did not respond. He stood still as he awaited her next words. It turned silent again and Y/N’s and Chanyeol’s heavy breathing was the only sound that entered their ears.

“I love you”

The coldness in Chanyeol’s legs suddenly turned warm and his heart palpitated so fast Y/N could feel it.

“W-what?” Chanyeol stuttered, and as if a spell was cast on her, Y/N jumped away from Chanyeol, very much sober now.

Chanyeol had had his back on her. He was gonna turn around but Y/N stopped her, holding his back as she gasped “Don’t”

“Y/N...” Chanyeol trailed off, pushing Y/N’s hands off his back and turned to her. She had her head down, unable to look at him. Chanyeol let go of her hands and asked “Is it true?”

Y/N gulped, licking her dry lips wet. She was shaking now. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He wasn’t supposed to know. She was supposed to get over him. But why on earth-?

Gulping one last time, Y/N raised her head up to meet Chanyeol’s eyes. He noticed that her eyes were brimmed of tears, and like that, they stared at each other, communicating with each other’s eyes and Chanyeol felt his stomach drop. He was about to speak when Y/N beat him to it.

“I love you” She said, shaking as she struggled to not let her tears fall down.

“Y/N...” Chanyeol’s eyes said it all. He didn’t feel the same and Y/N already knew this but her heart still couldn’t take it.

“I love you, Chanyeol-ah” She repeated.

“I love you, I love you, I love you” She sobbed, balling her fists as she fought to look him in the eyes.

“Y/N...don’t say that” His voice was hurt. It was full of guilt and pain that it physically hurt Y/N’s every bones but still, she spoke.

“Why not? I feel that way, why can’t I?”

“You shouldn’t feel like that towards me” Chanyeol gulped the lump in his throat. Y/N scoffed.

“It’s my feelings, Chanyeol. I can’t help but feel that way. You made me feel that way. I love you, Chanyeol-ah”

She was crying now, her eyes pleading Chanyeol’s distressed ones. He can’t speak, afraid to hurt Y/N.

“Just say it. I already know anyway so just say it” Y/N said pleadingly. Chanyeol kept quiet, unable to say the words he know will break his best friend’s heart.

“Is there really no chance?” Y/N sobbed and this time, Chanyeol replied, shaking his head as he said a firm

“No”

Y/N nodded, laughing as she wiped away her tears “How embarrassing” She laughed and Chanyeol could only watch his best friend pretend but he could see it. He could see her crumbling down and it hurt.

Y/N stopped wiping her tears and looked at Chanyeol, smiling yet the pain was there “Good night” She said as she slipped by him, knocking on the door harshly, hoping someone to open it so that she could hide away from Chanyeol.

Y/N didn’t stop knocking until the door opened and she dashed away to her room, confusing her sister who opened the door. She looked at Chanyeol for answers but he couldn’t speak, still shocked at the sudden turn of events of the night.

Y/N slammed and locked her door. She slid down to the floor, sobbing loudly as the pain overtook her actions. She sobbed and sobbed. It hurt too much. She loved him too much and remembering his eyes made her cry more. His eyes that wordlessly told her he didn’t feel the same. His “No” that confirmed her worst nightmare. Y/N cried the night away, her tears nonstop as the jab in her chest didn’t fade away. It was too much. It hurts too much. She loved too much and now he was gone. He was gone and he won’t be her Yeol anymore. He belonged to someone else and he will never be hers, just like he was never hers.

[mnyg1800com]

baby pink

a lil gift for you bub, @kookesprit ! thank you for being so nice and understanding and dealing with my shit and assholery 24/7, and i really hope this doesn’t disappoint (i am well aware my smut writing sucks but pls know i did try really hard ahsjfah)

disclaimer; daddy!jungkook, light choking derogatory, bondage, sensory play (blindfolding)

He was stressed. Jungkook was stressed. With the album release coming up, he was always reminded of the pressure on his shoulders. Just thinking about the future tour, fan meets, and performance gave him a headache. In a manner of maintaining a perfect body as well as memorizing all the different lyrics, choreographies, at the same time as keeping a healthy relationship with his friends and family was hard. Understandably, he is stressed. 

It was past midnight, the whole neighborhood was sleeping. Except for you. you were waiting for Jungkook to come back home, knowing he would be arriving late(as he has been the past few weeks). So when the front door was slammed shut to signal his arrival, you didn’t flinch. It was normal, however, you did try to ask him to try and refrain from doing so, he completely forgot his promise since the next night he did it again. 

“Baby?” 

He called out to you, dropping his practice bag onto the living room couch. He could sense you were upstairs, considering the lights downstairs were all turned off. 

You didn’t call back as you usually did. You were too busy making sure that everything was perfect. You could notice your boyfriend tensed shoulder’s a mile away and the eye bags under his eyes were even more noticeable than they have been in a while.

So, you lay under the covers with his favorite lingerie set adorning your body. The light pink wasn’t displayed in the light as you dimmed the lights in the room, the moonlight flowing through the curtains. After his continuous nights working and slaving away in the practice, you had decided that Jungkook should have some weight lifted off of his shoulder. 

When you heard his feet padding against the staircase, you took a deep breath and gave yourself a boost of confidence, reminding yourself that Jungkook would enjoy the surprise. The door was opened softly, probably under the assumption you were asleep, and Jungkook entered the room. With the dim light shining on his face, you could see a soft smile on his face. 

“Hey, Gguk, how was practice?” You asked as you usually would, still keeping your body under the covers. The loose black t-shirt he was wearing exposed his collarbone a little bit, the sliver of his beautiful skin made you bite your lip. He really wasn’t aware of how effortlessly attractive he was, and it was a dangerous feat he had.  

“You know the usual, stressful and a lot of hard work,” he replied back. He walked to the drawers, discarding his shirt in the process of his walk. The muscles in his back were on your display and that’s when you pushed the covers aside. As he rummaged through the hangers, you wrapped your arms around his slim waist. 

“Stressful, huh? I can only imagine how you and the boys are feeling right now,” your voice was soft, yet sultry. You made sure to leave any space, just pulling his bare back flush against your barely covered body. 

He seemed to have recognized the familiar feeling of the lace against his back, slowly turning to you, his eyes had slowly blown wide, trailing over your figure. A smirk pulled on your lips at the reaction and you moved your arms from his waist to wrap around his neck. Slowly pulling him down, you connected your lips as your hands played with his hair. His response was immediate, pulling you closer by your waist. 

“I know you’re stressed,” you whispered, “you know I can help you forget about those worries, daddy.” 

There it was. The word he had been begging to hear after seeing you in your provocative outfit for only a few seconds. His eyes looked down to see your lashes flutter delicately as you looked down to his exposed torso. His dark gaze falls further down, taking in the image of you dressed in the lace once again. It was enough to push him to the edge.

“Wearing such a pretty little outfit, huh? You know how much I love this piece.” To exaggerate the meaning of his words, he let his hands trail over the little intricate details in the fabric. His fingers traced a certain pattern on your breast, moving slowly to feel every curve of your body. When he had reached the thin strap that wrapped around your waist, he smirked devilishly. With a single tug, your pelvic met his. A small gasp left your lips when you felt his semi-hard cock poke your stomach. Deciding to have more fun than planned for tonight, you teased him a bit.

"Really needy, huh, Jeon? You got it in you to please mr." You said with a smirk after getting over the initial shock. He has always hated that nickname, even though you used it out of affection. Why he hated it? You didn’t know, but in times like this, pissing him off with that nickname was still much more entertaining. It also meant rougher sex and you couldn’t complain to that. 

“You know how I feel about that, baby girl,” his hand trailed up your torso, an annoyed, sarcastic smile on his face. His hand had settled on the base of your neck, not inching upwards one bit, but the expression he had on his face showed he wouldn’t hesitate to. “you know what the fuck to call me, so don’t test me, brat.” 

He dropped to his knees, spreading your legs apart by your ankles. His hot breath hit your clothed core and it sent a shiver down your back. A smirk was on his lips as he gently dragged his tongue up the thin clothing, tasting your wetness that seeped through the flimsy material.

"And who do you think I am? When have I never pleased you?" A hum left his lips and, not giving you a second to react, he roughly pulled the lingerie aside, impatiently diving in to taste you on his tongue. 

God, you couldn't describe how good Jungkook was to you. You were supposed to be the one treating him tonight, but unsurprisingly he flipped the tables. So instead, you were the moaning mess as you buried your hand in his black tuffs of hair, tugging at his strands to showcase your pleasure.

A soft mutter of his name encouraged him to become rougher, adding his index finger into the mix. While his tongue rolled over your clit, his fingers were stretching you open. He developed a pace of his fingers to be in sync with his tongue. The curl of his fingers along with the constant abuse of your sensitive clit has caused a knot to form in your stomach in record time.

The sound of your labored breathing was a significant sign of how close you were as well as how your hand tugged his head closer to your wet pussy. "Are you gonna come for daddy? Hm?" As he pulled away to look up at you with dark eyes, a trail of your juice was left on his chin. The epitome of lust and sex was how he looked at this moment. "You know the rules, brat."

"Please, please let me come, daddy. Your little brat wants to cum from the pleasure you're giving me," The familiar smirk returned on his lips, he loved hearing you beg for release. A wave of power always washed over him when you did so. A power he would always abuse over you.

He didn't speak another word, going back to lapping at your swollen bud. He waited, watching your expressions carefully before he completely pulled away, fingers and mouth far away from your aching core. His fingers were slick with your juices, which he licked at hungrily.

An aggravated sound left your lips, propping yourself up on your elbows in frustration. "Really? I followed the rules didn't I, Daddy?~"

Your words made a breathy chuckle leave his lips, "You think I'd let you come that easily? No fucking way, brat, we're just getting started."

The devilish smirk on his lips should've had you annoyed and frustrated with him, but you both knew how much you loved this. Him having complete control over your body, getting to decide himself as to when you get to feel the pleasure of releasing.

"Now, hands up against the headboard." His words were curt and you did as told, not wanting any punishment, especially since that knot in your stomach was still uncomfortably tight and waiting for some sort of relief.

He grabs two ties of his, restraining your wrists. They were tight enough so you couldn't get out and you could only imagine the purple blotches that would show a mere few days later. He pulled out a blindfold you two kept stored in your bedside drawer and tied it to cover your eyes.

His hands were light and swift, unclipping the restraint on the front of the lingerie. He also took care of the bottom piece, throwing the expensive material to lay someplace on the floor. You took a nervous gulp, hearing the sound of several things being moved about. Without warning, his hands spread your legs apart and you could practically feel his lustful gaze.

"You remember our safe word, yeah?"

A hum left your lips as you nodded your head.

"Good." He said quietly, positioning the small vibrator to your heated core. With one small push of his finger, the cool metal was inside you, your jaw dropping at the feeling. The vibrations went through your whole body, making you crave more.

"Da-Daddy, plea-"

His thumb pressed against the button on his small remote, smirking as he saw you thrash around slightly. "Now, now, I thought you could be patient for me? Don't tell me you can't?"

He placed soft kisses to your stomach all the way up the valley of your breasts. With a slight movement of his finger, the vibrations spiked up again. Whines left your lips and filled the almost silent room. Jungkook shamelessly stroked his hard cock, the whimpers and sounds leaving your lips making him almost regret not fucking you right then and there. Keyword - almost.

Turning the vibrations up one more notch, he dropped the remote onto the side of the bed. His hand grabbed one side of your face, keeping your mouth open. "Take it like a good slut. Please me with that pretty mouth of yours."

That was all he said before pushing his cock into your open mouth. The feeling of your lips around his shaft had him biting his lip to hide the small groans that threatened to leave his lips. Taking it slowly first, he had a handful of hair in his hands to guide your mouth against him.

You were grateful for his slower pace but began to move on your own after becoming comfortable. Your head was moving at a constant speed, not afraid of taking your time around his sensitive tip. Your tongue danced around his slit, rubbing against it to stimulate him more and bring him closer to his high. When you moved down to his base, you hollowed your cheeks. Soon enough, he couldn't bother hiding his moans. He might've known how to rile you up, but you held all the cards when it came to orally pleasing him. You knew just what he wanted and how to get him into becoming a moaning mess.

The feeling of the vibrator buried within you hasn't vanished though. You were eager for him to come down your throat, but you were also chasing your high. Having your mouth full of his hard cock was an arousing feeling itself, but having the stimulation down in your core was the most extreme amount of pleasure you could have gotten out of the two.

"Shit, you're so fucking good for me."His raspy voice only encouraged you to take more of him. "You look so fucking sexy taking all of me, you're such a good girl for Daddy. And all of mine to ruin and fuck."

The grip on the back of your neck had tightened, pulling you increasingly closer and closer to his base. You were at your climax, white fire spreading all over your body as your release had finally come. The vibration from your moans around his cock made a string of curses leave his lips. He was then releasing his seed down the back of your throat, his senses turning even more sensitive with how aggressive his high was.

Licking your swollen, red lips, you had a hazy smile on your face. Jungkook noticed, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss. He swiftly took off the blindfold, meeting your eyes for a second. The hazy look obviously showing had him pressing his lips against your own once again in eagerness. Tasting himself on your tongue made his actions more aggressive and hungry for more.

"Since you took all of my cum, like a good slut," he said huskily, "you'll be getting a reward tonight." The kisses resumed, a trail from your jaw to your breasts.

He turned off the vibrator with the remote, slowly pulling the toy out, which was coated with your glistening release. He took generous licks against the metal before tossing it to the sheets of your bed.

His hands grasped your thighs, spreading your legs and pulling you closer. Feeling himself harden once again just by the sight of you, a smirk was on his lips. You had no idea the affect you had on him. Giving himself a few pumps on his hardening cock, he positioned himself to your core.

He slowly pushed his tip in, waiting for your signal to continue while he tried biting back his groan at the bare feeling of you surrounding him. However, one sigh of his pleasure was enough for you to nod eagerly for him to continue.

His cock made you feel full, your walls tightening around him. "Fuck, Jesus Christ, you're so fucking tight around me."

His chest heaves up and down as he takes in deep breaths to calm himself. His hips begin moving at a slow pace, but soon enough he's bucking his hips and the sound of skin slapping skin begins to fill the room. All of his self-restraint was gone and out the window, you were simply too irresistible. All of the pressure and stress put onto his shoulders regarding the upcoming release of the album was slowly withering away. He was slowly forgetting about the album and started focusing on you and your pleasure.

You try and break away from the restraints around your hands, wanting nothing more than to bring him closer to you. But because the knots around your hands were too tight to break free, you wrapped your legs around his waist, his tip now hitting spots he didn't have access to before.

"Oh my fuck!" Your head was thrown back, basking in the feeling of his tip hitting your g-spot repeatedly. "Jungkook, faster! Harder!"

There was no holding back on his part, edging you closer to your second high due to his roughness. Meanwhile, Jungkook's expression spoke for how he felt. Eyebrows furrowed with a light, sheen coat of sweat covering his torso and forehead. The flexing of his abdomen and biceps exaggerated the muscles he had. Even the muscles he had in his thighs were being accentuated by the sober light and how often he was flexing them. His thighs were always eye candy to you, no matter how he was dressed, clothes, or no clothes. The sight of him right now was something you could live off of for the rest of your life.

"Baby, I'm gonna come!" He wasn't shy anymore in vocalizing his high. There was a small stutter to his hips before he almost collapsed onto your body. The feeling of your walls tight and heat radiating from your core surrounding him was overwhelming that his muscles almost gave out. His hands trailed down to your clit, rubbing against the sensitive nub as his hips continued on with their rough actions.

You didn't bother hiding your moans and whimpers, knowing Jungkook loved the sounds you made in bed. "Daddy, can I come?" Your breathing was ragged, it being a bit hard to speak with the constant pounding into your pussy. Although the chances were unlikely, you weren't about to risk a denial of your release.

"Yes baby, go ahead and come all over my cock."

The white fire from earlier came back, but was stronger that ever and it felt like your whole body was burning up. It was almost like you were seeing stars. The knot in your stomach finally was relieved and you breathed out a long sigh, a smile on your lips. Jungkook slowly pulled out, recollecting himself before going to get a spare hand towel to clean you both up.

He came back with the warm rag, gingerly cleaning around your area. He was gentle, knowing how sensitive you still were. After cleaning you up, he untied your wrists, examining the red skin. Soft kisses were planted to make up for the small painful spots he had caused.

"I'm sorry if they hurt a lot, my love."

His tone was soft, showing perfect duality from his previous tone he used when degrading you. You smiled at his care, shaking your head, silently saying how it was fine and how the small amount of pain was worth the mass amounts of pleasure.

He put away the lingerie set, toys, and ties that he used on you, going to your dresser and grabbing your lotion. Squirting a bit of the product on the palms of his hands, he massaged the tender skin of your wrists, being extra careful and gentle.

When he finished using the lotion, he pulled the sheets up to cover both of your bodies. Instinctively, his arms wrapped around you as you buried your head in his chest. The smell of sex was present in the whole room, but neither of you were complaining as you now held each other close.

"Thank you, baby." He said with his deep, husky voice.

"There's no need for thanks, bun." You booped his nose softly, causing him to scrunch up his facial features cutely.

"No, you really are the best person I know. You care so much for me and I needed to let you know how thankful I am to have you." A blush cascaded down onto your cheeks at his words.

Jungkook was usually rough and dominant during sex, keeping up a different persona than your usual soft bunny boyfriend. But always afterwards, he would treat you like a goddess and pamper you to no end. Sweet nothings were always present as was delicate care for your body, soft touches or light grazes of his fingertips in attempts of being as gentle as possible.

"Stop being so lovey dovey after such an intense round of sex, it makes me so confused." You said with a dry chuckle.

"Oh," his tone was now mischievous and daring, "you wanna go for more rounds then? Just so you're not so confused."

Now it was your turn to smirk at him, "I mean if you're up for it."

The kiss planted on your lips was enough of an answer on his part, as were the hands now lightly trailing down the curves of your hips.

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THIS ACRUALLY SUCKED ASS I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS AMATEUR ASS SMUT WRITING -> I REALLY TRIED HARD AHKS ( I dont usually write smut, but for you bub, I will )

[ashleybenlove]

Title: Tabloids

Prompt: imagine person a of your polyship is a celebrity, and the paparazzi’s caught pics of them with their different partners

a lot of tabloids write articles about how a is cheating with multiple individuals until a comes forward on their own to clarify that they’re polyamorous, and all their partners know about (and are dating) each other, too

Fandom: How To Train Your Dragon

Pairing: Hiccup/Astrid/Fishlegs/Snotlout/Ruffnut/Tuffnut (polyamorous gang)

Word Count: 1366

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Slurs, commentary on the media/paparazzi

Disclaimer: I don’t own the source material in this fanfic. That’s to whatever company or person owns it. I would never claim to own it.

Notes: There are probable influences from fandom and whatnot in this story. This was written for @polyshipprompts’ polyship week. I used the following prompt which is reprinted above. This story is a modern AU and it is loosely based off of my experiences of playing The Sims 4 with the Dragon Riders. My tag for that is ashleybenlove Sims the Dragon Riders. This is also on AO3.

And it is under the read more.

     Astrid growled. Just going to the supermarket to buy groceries meant she was confronted with the tabloid fodder that was currently proclaiming how she was cheating on one of her partners with four other people. Right there, as she was trying to check out. What trash! Not wanting to take it out on the retail clerk who had nothing to do with the tabloid’s contents, Astrid took a deep breath before she completed her transaction.

 It bothered her immensely to see those telephoto shots of her on a date with one of her partners, or kissing them, and then seeing a headline that said, “Trouble in Paradise?” or “Astrid Cheats Repeatedly!!!” or “Astrid Has Multiple Affairs!” or some other version of a clickbait title except with magazines.

 Maybe she should have Fishlegs shop for groceries. He was fantastic at this sort of thing.

 She could have stayed at home, cuddling with some of them. It was much preferable than being confronted by incredibly judgmental and highly inaccurate nonsense.

 At least all her partners knew it was garbage.  

 They knew the truth, and ultimately, that was most important.

 But… ugh, she didn’t want to be seen as a cheater, because it was categorically wrong.

 Plus, as a celebrity, she had to maintain a certain reputation, and unfortunately, she was beholden to public opinion in the way that only famous people are. And given that she used multiple social media accounts, she had to deal with that as well.

 She was currently ignoring her social media accounts.

      “How was grocery shopping?” Fishlegs asked, later, as everyone worked to get their groceries put away.

 “Fine. It would have been great except for tabloids!” Astrid exclaimed. “You were right, you should have gone instead.”

 “I don’t take pleasure in being right about that,” Fishlegs said.

 She probably would have kissed him or he probably would have kissed her if they didn’t have bags full of groceries in their arms.

 “You didn’t run into any paparazzi?” Hiccup asked, putting away various canned food items.

 “I’d be happy to punch some for you,” Snotlout said, sticking various frozen meat items in the freezer.

 “Same!” Ruffnut exclaimed. “I’m always willing to fight paparazzi.”

 “Yes, I certainly saw some inside and outside the store, but I don’t think it’d be good publicity if my partners fought the paparazzi,” Astrid said. She released a sigh.

 “We could always flip the bird on our dates,” Ruffnut said.

 “Flipping the bird!” Tuffnut exclaimed.

 “Or yell at Internet commenters,” Snotlout said.

 “Oh, let me guess, the Internet’s talking about my love life too?” Astrid said. She growled. She did not want to deal with that. Far too overwhelming. The Internet could be overwhelming for anyone, but for a famous person? Even more so.

 Once the groceries were put away, Astrid sat on their lovely large couch, and was surrounded by her partners.

 Astrid sighed happily, snuggling close to them. She felt calm and safe and her worries drifted away.

 This was short-lived.

      Whoops.

 Checking her email was not fun. Ugh.

 She didn’t want to deal with this.

 She was tired of the assumption of cheating.

 And the way people treated women who they assumed were cheating really made her furious.

 She yelled at her computer.

 She wanted to take her computer mouse and throw it at the wall, letting it shatter—

 “Astrid, Internet blackout, remember!” Fishlegs shouted from another room.

 “They’re being misogynistic!” she exclaimed. “And they’re wrong!”

 A few moments later, Fishlegs entered the room she was in, and gently moved his hand to indicate to come with him.

 “Let’s go meditate, hmm?” Fishlegs asked in a calming, soothing voice.

 “I don’t want to meditate; I want to yell at people on the Internet!” Astrid exclaimed.

 “That’s not gonna help, you know that?” Fishlegs said softly. “Come on, we’ll all meditate together. It’ll be nice and soothing.”

 And it was.

 And it provided help to her situation because she realized she had a simple solution to it.

 Considering that she lived in a world where celebrities, such as herself, had social media accounts where they could sound off on their topic of choice, usually to promote their work and to interact with fans.

 She could easily just… come out with the actual truth, instead of letting the tabloids say whatever they want. She was allowed to do that. She would talk to her partners about it first, obviously. Just to make sure no one was outed without their consent.

 Thus, while they were relaxing together, she said, “So, I’ve been thinking about this whole… the tabloids and such think I’m a cheating whore situation.”

 There was definite negative reaction to the slur.

 “Yes, I know they’re misogynist jerks,” Astrid said. “Moving on. I think the best course of action would be if I released a statement, written or video, that is me saying: actually, I am a polyamorous person, and those five people? They’re all my partners. It’s all above-board, they all know about each other, and are dating each other as well. The twins are not dating each other, obvi, blah blah blah.”

 She saw Hiccup in particular nod in response, clearly thinking it made sense. Fishlegs looked to be thinking.

 “I won’t do it unless you all agree,” Astrid said.

 “No pressure,” Ruffnut said, in a teasing, joking tone. She paused and then added, “But all joking aside, I agree with you doing that.”

 “Same, actually,” Tuffnut said.

 “Yeah,” Snotlout said. “Do it.”

 “It’s bothering you, I think it might make you feel better, so I think you should do it,” Fishlegs said. He looked over to Hiccup.

 They all did.

 “I have no problems with it. You should do it. And I definitely agree with Fishlegs. It might make you feel better,” Hiccup said.

 “And I think we’re all in agreement that we want you to feel better,” Fishlegs said. He smiled at her.

 They all smiled at her, in that way that made her feel so loved five times over.

       As a result, Astrid took some time to write out a statement. The statement was meant to be a statement that could be used with or without a video complement. Whilst she definitely had some strong opinions about the media and the press (especially paparazzi), she avoided spending much time on addressing them, since their behavior was generally unlikely to change. She already had a good idea of the media’s response.

 “Astrid Hofferson Breaks Silence!”

 They did that a lot. Especially in the wake of celebrity deaths and responses of celebrities to that death.

 Once she had prepared a statement that she felt was satisfactory she had her partners read it so they could give her any feedback they might have had.

 And once she was fully satisfied with that statement, she set it aside and put it where she could reference it while she made a video.

 “A lot has been written recently about my romantic life. Which, despite the fact that I am a very famous person, I still have a right to privacy. But I still would like to clarify some things, as what has been written is wrong. So, those five people I’ve been seen kissing in paparazzi photos? Those are all my romantic partners. My name is Astrid Hofferson and I am polyamorous. These five people all know about each other, and with the exception of the set of twins I am dating, also date each other. So that’s about the sum of that.”

 Included in her statement was a brief description of polyamory from the Internet, complete with a source so that people who didn’t really understand it could do research on their own. In addition to that, she had hired a professional photographer to take some great photographs of her and her partners, together, smiling and happy. The main purpose of the photo session was to share pictures of her partners and herself on her social media platforms but the gang was incredibly happy and excited with the work the photographer did, that they made sure to get framed versions of the photos to hang in their home and digital versions to keep in their phones.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: The Shining Beacon Part 2

I miss RWBY. Specifically, I miss early RWBY when there was less drama (not really but let me pretend), so let’s head on back to Volume 1.

In our opening scene of Episode 3, Ruby and Jaune have managed to find the hall where the rest of the newbies are meeting and honestly? I’m super proud of them for it. These are the two fools who will later argue over who had the map while wandering around the wilds of Remnant. Baby leaders managing to find the rest of their flock? Great job. Well done. Mama’s proud.

This little time skip raises some questions though. Did they ever find the Beacon cafeteria? What else did they chat about the rest of the day? Yang makes it sound like they’ve been gone a number of hours and I for one would love to know what awkward Ruby and even-more-awkward Jaune got up to during that time.

Tis the realm of fics though, not canon. Instead we get another shot of RWBY’s infamous shadow people with Yang standing out like the goddamn sun.

Who could the main character possibly be??

Beats me. What a gosh darn difficult question.

Yang: Ruby! I saved you a spot.

Are... are there spots, Yang? You’re all standing in a giant auditorium. If Ruby comes to stand beside you is another student gonna throw a fit about it? I mean real talk, I went to watch the changing of the guard while spending a month in London and let me tell you, there were people who guarded their spots like a pissed off bird guarding her eggs. (For the record you couldn’t even see anything. This was just human prickliness at its finest). So who knows, maybe Yang knows precisely what she’s doing.

Ruby abandons Jaune to join her, which on the one hand is kinda mean—you can’t invite your new friend to stand around with you?—but Ruby does say she’ll “see [him] after the ceremony,” so that’s nice and all. I know my anxious ass would have been thrilled to hear someone making future plans like that, even if it’s mostly just a nicety. Making new friends is hard.

Of course, Jaune doesn’t make that job any easier on himself. I’ve written before about his Nice Guy tendencies in the early volumes and they come back in full force here. He bemoans Ruby’s leave, asking himself where he’ll find “another nice, quirky girl to talk to?” It’s an easy introduction for Pyrrha, revealing her behind Jaune and quite obviously setting her up as that “nice, quirky” girl who he’ll become closest to as the episodes progress, but jeez, Manic Pixy Girl assumptions abound. Especially given the fact that Jaune/Pyrrha became canon in Volume 3. Obviously Pyrrha will be written with great depth as RWBY continues, but it does rankle a bit to have her introduced as a Ruby stand-in, someone positioned as a way of fulfilling Jaune’s ridiculous “needs.” I’m glad this is undermined later when she takes initiative towards him, i.e. saving him during initiation and angling to be his partner. Her interest is clear even if at that point Jaune will take anyone pretty: Ruby, Weiss, Pyrrha herself.

But I digress.

Ruby gives her whole spiel about meeting Weiss and Yang’s response is, “Yikes. Meltdown already?” heavily implying that she expected Ruby to have a “meltdown” at this school, just not so soon. Which—iffy terminology aside—isn’t at all surprising. RWBY does an excellent job of setting up Ruby’s nerves, from her “bee’s knees” comment to her eagerness in showing Weiss exactly what she’s capable of. The girl is desperate for validation—as is the whole RWBYJNPR gang, in their own ways—and a lot of that comes out as anxious, social awkwardness. If Ruby was at all inclined towards “meltdowns” at Signal then I’d say she did a damn good job holding herself together through everything that happened at Beacon. Granted, being put in a position of power will help with that, at least on a surface level. To semi-quote Oz, how can you expect others to put forth their best if you’re not constantly doing the same? Ruby has the veneer of self-control down now because she had to for her team... which makes me anticipate her inevitable breaking point all the more. We saw in Volume Six how close Ruby got to dropping her ‘I’m an endlessly put together leader’ persona with Qrow drinking himself to oblivion, but she never quite got there. I’m waiting (hoping really) that Ruby’s long-established anxiety will finally be addressed, what with Yang having made good headway in that department and all the shit they’ve gone through adding up to a very justified breakdown.

Let the poor girl really falter for once and let the rest of the group grapple with that. Everyone deserves it.

I’m jumping six volumes ahead though. Here and now Ruby is still telling Yang all about her horrible encounter, segueing into how she “just wanted her to stop yelling” which of course is the perfect moment for Weiss to sneak up behind her with a loud “YOU!” (Jaune’s comment linking to Pyrrha; Ruby’s comment linking to Weiss—RT enjoys writing these little bridges, particularly for introducing new characters).

I love this moment simply for how much it tells us about Weiss. Largely in retrospect. Because while her trailer song is definitely on the nose in some respects—“I’m the loneliest of all”—it’s not until later on that we realize exactly how abusive Weiss’ family is and how isolated she’s been for the whole of her upbringing. This girl has absolutely no experience interacting with people outside of the Schnee/everyone else hierarchy (note in a moment how she assumes that Ruby will want to “make it up to [her]”) so if you’re suddenly surrounded by people for the first time who aren’t fawning over your name and money and dust connections... what do you? How do you get some vaguely positive attention? Oh okay, guess I’ll force it! Here Weiss is claiming that she never wants Ruby to speak to her again, but she’s the one who barged in on their conversation and loudly drawing attention to herself. Weiss is starved for healthy validation while simultaneously stuck in the behavior she’s been taught: asking for attention solely by trying to show off— here’s a rambling summary of the Schnee Dust Company’s disclaimer look at what a good puppet I am—or by insulting others. Weiss mocks Ruby’s genuine offer to buy school supplies together but then doesn’t move away from her and Yang once the announcements start. She doesn’t know how to say ‘yes’ to any offers of friendship, but she also doesn’t want to say ‘no.’

Interestingly, that moment also tells us a fair bit about Ruby. Not just by re-emphasizing how kind she is by extending the offer to start this relationship over, but also adding weight to the headcanon that Ruby is neurodivergent. Weiss’ heavy sarcasm about how they can “go shopping, paint our nails, and talk about cute boys” goes right over Ruby’s head. She responds with a “Wow! Really?” similar to the “...can you?” heard right before she attacks the Nevermore during initiation. Ruby has a history of not just being awkward but missing a lot of ‘normal’ social cues as well.

The girls’ bonding is interrupted when Ozpin begins his speech and boy oh boy do I love this moment too. Anyone who reads my metas knows that I’m a firm defender of our disaster headmaster, especially after volume 6, and looking back this scene is the PERFECT example of how RT tries to make Ozpin seem shady... while really failing to accomplish that. Obscuring eyes/the whole face is a super easy way to tell the viewer that this is an Untrustworthy Character. See: every horror movie where the villain’s face is obscured by shadows, our own dear Adam who keeps his face hidden with a mask, etc. It serves to dehumanize the character, keeping us from seeing some of the most expressive parts of their bodies, and equates one thing they’re hiding—such as a deformity. Yay ableism! /s—with other things they’re keeping from the heroes; secrets, sinister intentions, and the like. The primary exception to this are characters who wear masks for defined and morally acceptable reasons. i.e. superheroes who need to keep their secret identities intact and, notably, aren’t withholding that information from the viewer. We as the audience usually know who they are and thus aren’t inclined to distrust the character based on secret-keeping.

Awesome superpowers aside, Ozpin doesn’t fit within the mold of superhero, so all of this reads as pretty damning:

Like holy shit, friends. With the exception of one moment, 

notably when Ozpin informs them that “knowledge will only carry you so far,” the cinematography goes out of its way to hide his eyes, if not his entire face. Oz comes across as super shady here, compounded by the close up and centered shot of Ruby’s silver eyes to contrast. Compounded further by the exchange Ruby and Yang have afterwards about how he seemed “kind of off”—an exchange that doesn’t precisely fit with in-world logic (how does Yang know what Ozpin is normally like?), but serves as a clear message to the viewer: Something is UP with this guy.

The problem? This isn’t Ozpin’s introduction.

Imagine a series where in Episode One we only hear about a powerful Beacon headmaster. Someone who bends the rules and let’s Ruby in two years early for reasons unknown. Then by Episode Three we see this guy almost insulting the new group of students (Yang’s eyes narrow when Ozpin says he sees only “wasted energy in need of purpose”) and the entire time the camera refuses to give us a good look at him. That would have set up a character who is legitimately creepy. Someone we know instinctively might not really be on our side.

Instead our introduction to Ozpin is this.

He’s smiling and charming and legitimately kind. He listens to why Ruby wants to come to Beacon before making his decision (aka establishing her agency here). He shares a fond “Aww, you know I’m gonna get what I want” look with Glynda. He brings cookies, for god’s sake. Ozpin’s supposed shadiness falls completely flat here because we’ve already developed positive feelings for him, notably while he was with our protagonist and his BFF headmistress. The intimacy in Episode One implies that this is the “real” Ozpin, whereas a formal speech in front of (from the audience’s perspective) a literally faceless mass sets this up as a “fake” Ozpin, one that comes out when he feels the needs to be stern with incoming students. Or, based on information we learn later, when he’s pulling from another personality.

All of which isn’t a criticism of RT’s writing. Rather, given what we now know definitively from Volume Six, I don’t think they were invested in making Ozpin into a legitimately shady character. What RWBY is invested in is poking at or outright dismantling a lot of tropes and conventions, which is essentially what they did here. “You EXPECT the secretive, powerful headmaster to be a morally gray kind of guy... so we’re just not even gonna go there. Not really.”

But back to the actual plot. Jaune ends the scene by sliding up and announcing that he’s a natural blonde, another excellent example of precisely the thing women aren’t looking for in a guy. He knows Ruby now so it’s totally cool for him to re-join her, but using that as an excuse to start talking about his looks? Nah. Remember folks, women generally like it when you treat them as more than just a romantic and/or sexual conquest!

But enough about Jaune. We cut to that night where all the newbie students—way more than we’ll actually see throughout the rest of the series—are crowded together in Beacon’s hall, which from a world building perspective is a really great choice. I love what it says about Beacon as an institution: We’re not giving you rooms yet because we believe that most of you will fail the initiation (or at least that’s the impression they want to give the students). There’s a sense of ‘roughing it’ with simple mats and no personal space, the sort of things they’d have to get used to if they’re out traveling as huntsmen later in life. The overall emphasis on community and team work. Like the teams of four, Beacon is invested in setting up situations where the students are forced to work with one another. Particularly with those they might otherwise avoid.

That’s precisely the sort of interaction we get in a moment, but first: a tangent. Okay. So in previous metas—mostly Volume Six stuff—I’ve gotten a lot of pushback for my use of the term “kids” to describe the RWBY gang. Which I get. Post-Beacon most of them are legally adults by our standards and they’re certainly doing Adult Things nowadays. I do think there’s a lot of interesting nuances here—the fact that our protagonist and arguably most significant character plot-wise (Oscar) are both still underage, asking whether Remnant even views age in the same way we do, whether hitting the magical age of 18 suddenly gives you any more insight or maturity than you had at 17 or 16, acknowledging that they were never meant to be out in the world fighting this war and making these decisions yet, so we shouldn’t conflate traumatic necessity with emotional growth—but for the most part fans don’t want to grapple with those sorts of questions. There’s a knee-jerk reaction (particularly from those who are around the group’s age) of, “Most of them are 18. They’re not kids so stop acting like they are.” RWBY has raised a lot of questions for me regarding how I balance “Kids/teens/young adults are people with agency and more maturity than people tend to give them credit for” with “I remember how much of a kid I still was at 18 and know precisely how much I’ve grown in the decade since. I was not an adult then, no matter what the law said.” It’s a matter of acknowledging generational experience without turning into one of those, “Bah! Kids don’t know what the hell they’re talking about” curmudgeons. I’m an adult with a father who dismisses everything I say because he’s got—and will always have—50+ years on me. I’m well aware that it sucks.

Why am I bringing all this up again? Because this scene is just so kid-ish. It’s wonderfully young and carefree! Ruby is writing a letter to her friends in cutesy grimm PJs. Yang slides over with a comment about how it’s just like a sleepover. They acknowledge that Tai would not be pleased with all the boys around while Yang ogles the shirtless guys and Jaune wanders around in a footed one piece. This entire scene has a distinctly middle school or early high-school vibe. Not that adults don’t hang out and chat in super comfy PJs—we totally do—but rather that viewers know how scenes like these are coded. They’re supposed to look young here and even though experience has most certainly aged them, even though about two years have passed since this moment... that’s still only two years. I have a difficult time accepting that we should now view the group’s decisions as irrevocably Adult and Mature (cough-airship-cough) when such a short time ago they weren’t either of these things. And they weren’t meant to be those things. Not yet. I wish that these later Volumes of RWBY were more interested in exploring the concept of (yes) kids forced into the role of adults, as opposed to trying desperately to pretend that they’re adults already with a more worthwhile voice than people with 10, 20, or in Ozpin’s case, a 1,000 years more experience than them.

Anyway. Enough ranting for one recap.

Ruby shares her fears about not making any friends and Yang has her “You’ve just made one friend and one enemy!” line before giving her little sis a legitimate pep-talk. She explains that there are friends all around Ruby, “you just haven’t met them yet.” A near identical perspective to what we heard from Jaune last episode. Which is hilarious given that ten seconds ago Yang was pseudo-insulting the guy.

Seriously though, how is there not more Jaune-Yang interaction in canon? They’re got so much more in common than just blonde hair and anger management issues.

Cue another segue. Right after Yang finishes talking about future friends Ruby catches a sound off screen and we get our first look at Blake since the courtyard.

Yang quite literally drags Ruby over and it is an excellent display of siblings being siblings.

Blake recognizes Ruby as “the girl who exploded” and honestly I’m sad that this didn’t become a moniker for her in the same way “vomit boy” did for Jaune. Nothing like being defined by your embarrassing moments and ridiculous habits to encourage true bonding! My BFF calls me Trout and I call her Hunter and no, I will not expand on the ridiculousness that was my middle school years.

I mean, Ruby starts to tell Blake that she can call her crater face before realizing that this might not be the best idea. The girl is awkward af and I love her.

Yang: What are you doing??

Ruby: I don’t know help me!

God they’re so fucking relatable.

Yang manages to get Blake’s name out of her and then makes the mistake of commenting on her bow. Granted, Blake doesn’t show any overt signs of discomfort here—that would have been too obvious even by RWBY’s standards—but looking back we can assume that any conversation veering towards the one thing she wants to hide wouldn’t exactly endear her to these girls. Blake gets pretty rude by saying that she’ll continue to enjoy her book just as soon as they leave. Yang gets ruder by announcing, right next to Blake, that she’s a “lost cause.”

The book is Ruby’s in though. Now it’s less small talk and more legit interest as she asks what Blake is reading. The fandom has acknowledge to death the “It’s about a man with two souls, fighting for control” line and how that obviously relates to the Ozpin-Oscar situation, but beyond that I’m interested in the fact that we never learn the title of this book. Normally that wouldn’t mean much (only so much world building you can do and book titles aren’t necessarily the sort of thing RT wants to waste time on), except that Ruby specifically asks for it and Blake delves straight into the summary. I wonder if perhaps this specific text will show up again in future volumes. I don’t have any real evidence for the hunch, just the fact that we now know Ozpin has put stories out into the world that relate to his situation, namely The Maidens fairy tale. I have to wonder if perhaps other lives of his created art as a way of coping with their situation—unknowingly truthful accounts that people like Blake read, oblivious to the ways that this fiction might be setting them up to be more empathetic towards the same situation in real life. It just stands out to me that we’re not given a title or author here; that Blake was one of the ones to learn about Ozpin’s immortality off screen (denying us her initial reaction); that comparatively she was one of the more sympathetic during that awful moment out in the snow. It would be awesome if the “lol Blake is a nerd who sometimes reads porn” aspect of her personality actually sets her up to be one of the more understanding people in Volume 7.

Basically, please give me super nerd Blake who starts warming back up to Ozpin because she finds out he’s authored a bunch of her favorite books lol. Or at the very least she realizes that she’s now living the stories she’s long adored; she’s been given the opportunity to extend real support to someone so very like the characters she’s felt for all these years...

RWBY does love its meta.

Ruby admits to loving books too, particularly the fantastical stories that Yang used to read her. Blake is far more pessimistic.

Blake: Hoping you’ll live happily ever after? 

Ruby: I’m hoping we all will.

Hello, conflict of the entire series. As well as many fans’ hope for how it will all turn out. I’m personally not at all interested in a 7+ year investment with this cast only to watch them end on a bleak, or even bittersweet note. Despite what some might claim nowadays, happy endings are far from overrated. Given the state of the world, happy endings are radical.

Blake tells Ruby that her dreams are “Very ambitious for a child,” one of the very few indicators we’ve gotten (along with Weiss’ “Aren’t you a little young to be here?”) that the rest of the students recognize on sight that Ruby is younger than them. I’ve literally never heard one child refer to another, same-age acquaintance as “child.” Especially not when they’re hinting strongly that they’re being naive.

Yang is SUPER proud of that optimism though and starts a tackle hug that leads to them fighting cartoon style, complete with stars, cat noises, and dust clouds. The racket of course brings Weiss over. And by “of course” I mean “Oh look, another excuse she can use to go talk to the only people she knows here.”

We get another handful of great lines—Ruby has known Weiss a day but she was “always on [her] side,” Weiss exclaims that Ruby is “a hazard to [her] health”—but the episode is basically over. Blake blows out her candles and that’s that.

Meanwhile, I can’t believe I just wrote nearly four thousand words on a six minute episode. I’m gonna go re-think my life choices.

Minor Things of Note

“You’re lucky we weren’t blown off the side of the cliff!” Hey there, episode four foreshadowing! Also, Weiss, you guys are nowhere near a cliff. You’re so dramatic.

You can really see the difference in their expressions when Oz gives his speech. Ruby and Yang looked pumped and joyous. Weiss is anxious and unsure.

Still super interested in Ozpin actually using his cane as he leaves the stage. Probably just a random animation choice before they worked out all his character kinks, but if we imagine that his host was currently speaking maybe that’s a quirk specific to him.

We never again hear about “the gang back at Signal” that Ruby is writing to. Just like we never see the friends Yang apparently entered Beacon with (and weren’t meant to given that they were also shadow people). Not that RWBY needs any more characters to keep track of, but from an in-world perspective it is a little strange that they were supposedly super close to all these people and then just... never mention them again lol. 

[polywogslovetales]

Thanks For Asking, Part 5

As always, wogs, feel free to DM or comment or whatever makes you feel comfortable if you want to see any specific topics.  If I have any relevant experience I would be more than happy to talk about it and maybe see what others in the community experience. This request comes from @artisticsportsy

Talk about being openly poly in public spaces, especially in super monogamous ones: 

I am a creature of habit.  I have places that I like to go and places that make me happy to be there.  One such place is called Bob’s.  Its a local diner that serves breakfast through a late lunch.  Bob’s is the kind of place where people from the community run into each other, the serves call you “hun,” and you might end up waiting 30 minutes for your food (45 for sunday brunch) but no one minds because everyone planned to come and sit for a while anyway.  I regularly frequent this place for sunday brunch and often go with my best friend C and F. The serves know us pretty well and are used to seeing me be affectionate to F.  One day, however, F was not in town but M was (she had come up from florida to see me).  She and I went to Bob’s and the look of confusion on everyone’s face was priceless. No one ever asked a question, but they are STILL confused as far as I know.  Now, this story is funny but illustrates the problem of being openly poly but not around both partners. Most people will assume some sort of infidelity.  Sometimes this can be funny, as in my case, but I would imagine that sometimes people could be met with more hostility.  

I get less experience with this than I would like, honestly, because M lives so far away, but we have gone on outings with all three of us.  A little while back, M came up from Florida and came to see a show that my band was playing. F was also in attendance so I had the distinct pleasure of being able to be around two people that I love fiercely and be affectionate with both of them.  I have to imagine that people were potentially confused or making various, wildly inaccurate assumptions, but no one said anything to us about it.  Our friends, of course, knew what was going on. I think for most situations, people will likely not care or say/do anything, especially people of my generation (Millennials). 

Now, A bar and a restaurant are hardly once or twice are hardly definitive experiences to determine what its like to be openly poly.  In the coming years I will likely have to face more uncomfortable situations when I start trying to be openly poly in spaces involving my family. Or if I were to be openly poly at my job (I am a teacher).  I work in a small town in the rural, religious south that is somewhat less than accepting of anything outside of standard, straight monogamy. (DISCLAIMER: There are plenty of lovely religious people and my worries about those who are perhaps more aggressively religious are NOT a denouncement of the religious community at large.) My family was already uncomfortable enough about F being a trans man.  The were polite to him and didn’t misgender him, but they did ask me not to discuss it openly with their children - as if being trans is something not appropriate for kids. I imagine that if I ever have both partners in the same space it will be a source of contention.  And I know there are plenty of people in the community around my job that would have issues with my lifestyle choices.  

What I think this boils down to is that being openly poly in public spaces is not as hard as it sounds.  Out and about people are fairly “live and let live.” But, in spaces where you are personally invested or where you image or lifestyle can have some kind of an impact on the organization the space represents you might start to meet some uncomfortable situations. Most people assume that poly is some kind of deviant sexual behavior and that (even if it is primarily sexual for some people which is totally valid) our relationship choices are indicative of our moral standing.  Polyamory, as many of us know, is often viewed as morally unacceptable. So, I would say be prepared to have people potentially make open comments about you.

I would LOVE to see some responses to this specifically from anyone who is both poly AND religious.  What is it like to be poly in religious spaces? What experiences do you, my dear wogs, have? 

[anothershadeofpurple]

Same critical anon from before. I've nothing to vent for, so there's no need for troll!/hater! deflection tactics typical for this fandom. I thought it was clear where I was coming from: when I tried to approach you to discuss metatextual similarities between some of your theories and that old, known one from before--you ignored it. For the record, I did not call plagiarism at the time. I truly enjoyed reading OO, the intricacy that went beyond anything else. To me it seemed as a perfect-- (1)

(2) standalone extension to the original theory in a way. But now it’s proven to be too far out for their basic ever-shifting contradictory mess, you revert to plain subtextual parallelism? It’s the road that isn’t just yours anymore, I’m afraid. Cause someone analyzed all details of that queer narrative written alongside the straight one, the two stories being developed and contrasted in parallel–the surface, obvious one and the subtextual thread clearly interwoven in varied layers beneath. 

(3) And yet you never acknowledged the existence of it, before you “discovered” it all over again? While at the same time the blog of its origin seemed friendly towards “dumb positivity” and you personally, they even paid you respect unusual for their often caustic criticism. But now they got deactivated we can’t check if they’re ok with you rehashing their old theories and pretending they’re original, yours. Can we? That was where I’m coming from. Give credits where credits are due, that’s all. 

Anonymous said: “Too many assumptions to address”, and–nothing? Lol. Just like I thought. Behind that intellect and niceness, you’re like any other BNF here. An opportunist. Thanks for confirming.

You hadn’t gotten an answer yet because it takes a lot of time to write and I always spend a lot of time thinking about my answers - which is why my Drafts is full of Asks that have a half response formulated. If you asked this question before in an Ask, that’s probably what happened. 

The main thing that is a wrong assumption is that OperationOUT has somehow been disproved. I don’t quite understand how you concluded that after reading the theory and seeing the finale. I didn’t “go back” to anything, because the SQ subtext always had a place within that framework. Many people don’t like OperationOUT, because they feel it takes the magic away - and I am very aware that many fellow queer people come to my blog to have their reality validated by someone else. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t very happy after the finale, so the priority was as my queer self, not my I-love-show-analysis self. Apart from SQ posts being easier/faster to write, it was just the more important thing to do. To point out the SQ specific subtext. I see how it fits in the totality of OO even if I don’t mention it every time or it isn’t the focus of every post.

I didn’t consciously recall reading Tumblrless Friend’s theory. I came into this fandom (hiatus between 4A and 4B) and I did some vortex reading. Thinktank told me that our theories are similar, but I hadn’t gone back to read them. So I dug back and I found I reblogged one post. Like Tumblrless Friend I hadn’t been exposed to the fandom or PR. Personally I was confused that people even took CS and OQ seriously. Reading that post was more like reading “a kindred spirit”, someone who saw the same as I did. To me that was just description of an almost objective reading of the show if you will. I imagine we would have communicated if she weren’t… Tumblrless? I never saw the SQ subtext being a separate narrative as a theory… but as an obvious reading of the show for anyone who was paying attention? There was a lot of meta being written about the subtext and I just joined the entire bandwagon, I don’t think any blog influenced me more than another. And if you mean #Dumb positivity, that was never a theory but an attitude - it meant “We know it may be queer baiting/delusional-in-your-eyes/whatever-bullshit-thing-has-been-used-against-SQ but we’re just going to talk about it in spite of those comments in this safe space tag.” It was a disclaimer of sorts. Not about the content, but about creating a bubble in a divided fandom.

I don’t even think I own OperationOUT - beyond the blog being my specific interpretation, or more like a document chronicling my journey of interpretation - because people have come to the same conclusions as I have. While the specifics are up for interpretation, the bigger picture isn’t. That’s their show, it’s there for anyone to see if they look at things a different way. We’re all talking about the same show, so there are bound to be similarities.

[panharmonium]

Glancing sideways at Obi-Wan, remembering his former Master’s restrained but heartfelt praise of that mission, he felt a twinge of guilt.

I wish I could tell him about Padme. The Jedi are wrong. Love doesn’t weaken us. It makes us stronger. I wish Padme and I could show him that. He’s very alone.  (Karen Miller, Wild Space)

about the quote accompanying that last edit - 

i haven’t read wild space for so long, i forgot a lot of the things i didn’t like about it.  but like all the karen miller books i’ve read, it’s not my personal favorite.  and it’s been a long time since i wrote any star wars meta, but i’ve had that edit in my likes for months and i don’t want to attach a bunch of irrelevant meta to someone else’s lovely work, so here i am.

to whoever the anon was who asked me if i would write jedi order meta (a million years ago, i realize) - at the time i said i wasn’t sure, but times have, apparently, changed.

disclaimer:  personal opinions ahoy!  if they are not your opinions, that’s great! cool beans!  this is a fictional universe in which we all engage for fun; no need to get stressed - please feel free to hit the ‘ew, don’t like it’ tumblr button and go have fun with fandom in whatever way appeals to you! :)

(that disclaimer includes a request to please refrain from reblogging this for the sole purpose of arguing or starting a star wars debate™, even a good-natured one.  i’m literally just trying to organize my own personal interpretation of something on my own personal blog, for my own personal enjoyment.  i promise you there is no need to hit me up with ‘BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE FOLLOWING REBUTTAL - ’  i promise.  it’s cool.)

(under a cut for absurd length and many scanned book excerpts)

so, that wild space quote.  

my response to it hinges entirely on a question of author vs. character.

if this is solely a character’s point of view, then i find it eminently believable. this is a thing anakin might say.  it demonstrates yet again anakin’s fundamental misunderstanding of everything he’s ever been taught, but it’s very much a believable misunderstanding for him to operate under.

if this character bit is supported and endorsed by the author - which i suspect is the case, given that this is the angle i see the majority of star wars authors and fans taking - then that’s a different thing.

i feel like i’ve written variations on this post several times before, but surprisingly enough i am still staunchly opposed to virtually every interpretation of the jedi i have ever read, including wild space (shocking, i know, what can i do). it’s frustrating to me that the Prevailing Opinions out there about the Jedi Order are virtually all assumptions, not facts, and that these assumptions have for some reason been accepted as the only possible truth, the only possible extrapolation from canon, when in fact it is just as reasonable, just as textually-supported, and, i would argue, more realistic for us to extrapolate and make inferences supporting a different conclusion.

anakin’s interpretation of the jedi order in the quote above represents the Prevailing Opinion: “the jedi are wrong.  love doesn’t weaken us.”  this interpretation, in turn, relies on an assumption: “the jedi think love weakens us.” however, contrary to popular belief, the statement "the jedi think love weakens us” IS in fact exactly what i said it is: an ASSUMPTION.  

a presumption, i might even say, and one that i don’t personally feel is particularly well-supported by canon.  even anakin himself, when teased by padme, shows that he’s been taught enough jedi philosophy to know that “love” is more complicated than “love/emotions = bad!” and that “love” and “attachment” are not the same thing.

Padme: Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi.

Anakin: Attachment is forbidden.  Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life.  So, you might say that we are encouraged to love.

which is still something of a rudimentary explanation, less nuanced than what an older knight or master might give you, but it absolutely indicates a deeper philosophical understanding of jedi pillars than what people usually credit anakin for knowing or obi-wan for teaching.

obi-wan says in ANH that the jedi knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy for “over a thousand generations.”  now, even estimating ridiculously low and saying that humans in the star wars universe only ever live to be thirty years old (i don’t know! it’s a dangerous galaxy!), a thousand generations is still thirty thousand years.  that’s…. significantly longer that our society’s entire written history, never mind the lifespan of any one modern-day religion.  

when we have so little canon information about the jedi order, obviously everybody is free to extrapolate about it however they like, but - when you look at things and recognize how truly old the order is - it’s just baffling to me that there is so little attention paid to canon/legends textual evidence of the philosophical nuance of the jedi order, to the near-certain existence, as with any real-world religion, of varying yet equally accepted schools of thought within the jedi order (not schools of thought elevated above the jedi order by some lazy label like ‘grey jedi’), to the idea that the jedi order is OVER A THOUSAND GENERATIONS OLD, and can you honestly not envision the sheer volume of scholarly debate and theological treatises and movements and growth and accumulated history and depth and internal interpretations that this organization necessarily must encompass?  think about any real-world religion today - think about how many different interpretations one religion might have for a single line of holy text, never mind an entire holy book - think of all the non-textual supplementary material that contributes to any philosophy or theology, i.e. the hadith; think about the exegesis that accompanies any religious text; think of the incredible volume of critical thought and literature and liturgy that falls under the umbrella of just one modern-day religion, and can you honestly imagine that the jedi order - which again is tens of THOUSANDS of years older than any of our religions - isn’t bursting at the seams with philosophy and history, with debate and interpretation, with myriad streams of literalist and revisionist schools of thought - ALL equally jedi, and ALL included in a jedi education?  

do we honestly think that the jedi code is five precepts scribbled on a piece of flimsi, and that everybody interprets them the same way?  we know that’s not true.  mace windu tells qui-gon that taking a second padawan is impossible because “the code forbids it,” and i hear that - but nowhere in the familiar ‘there is no emotion’ mantra do we get guidelines for padawan-raising.  that directive has to come from somewhere else.  we KNOW there’s more text.  we KNOW there’s more history.  but somehow we just refuse to extrapolate this knowledge out to its fullest logical extent, which is that the jedi order has a thousand generations’ more history, more text, more commentaries, more scholarly debates on every subject, and that while one tradition for, say, padawan-raising is accepted currently, the one-padawan/one-master convention isn’t just some arbitrary rule.  every structure and every tradition comes with a history, a conversation, and about 200 philosophical treatises, all of which are considered equally Jedi, and all of which are available to be checked out from the Archives.

this is how it would really work: padawans taking exams are tasked with answering questions like ‘explain, with textual evidence, so-and-so’s interpretation of the Fourth Precept, including references to such-and-such’s landmark rebuttal and the modern-day commentaries of X, Y, and Z.”  when masters tell their students that levitating their clothes into the laundry chute is a frivolous application of the Force and thus to be discouraged, certain impudent young scholars *cough obi-wan kenobi cough* troop down to the Archives and return later that night with ten different texts in hand, all of them ruminating on virtue or vice: applications of the force in everyday life, relevant portions circled. padawans taking saber classes are instructed not only in the elements of combat but in philosophical paradigms, and ethical dilemmas - a “real discussion about competing conceptions of the good” (to quote the office, of all things!), as in this excerpt from cloak of deception:

or this, about emotions:

With both eyes open now, he studied his Padawan. Obi-Wan sat cross-legged in a chair with his eyes closed. But his shoulders were tensed, and beneath his eyelids Qui-Gon could see movement.

“Are you all right, Obi-Wan?” Qui-Gon asked softly.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and met his Master’s gaze. “Yes,” he said slowly. And then, “Well, I don’t know.”

“You are afraid,” Qui-Gon stated plainly.

A look of shame came over Obi-Wan’s face, but he did not deny it. “My heart is full of dread,” he admitted. “I wish we were on another mission - any other mission. I am not sure I have the courage to face the Holocron…”

Qui-Gon leaned toward his apprentice. “You have every right to be afraid,” he said quietly. “Allow yourself to feel the fear - really feel it - and then let the emotion go. If it comes back, feel it again and let it go again. There should be no shame in one’s emotions.”

“I am not at fault if it comes back?” Obi-Wan asked, looking up.

“No, Padawan,” Qui-Gon replied. “We cannot control how we feel. Only how we choose to handle our feelings.”

A look of true relief crossed Obi-Wan’s face, and he smiled slightly. His shoulders relaxed and he closed his eyes. (JA, Jude Watson)

about love:

No attachments. He did not see this as a conflict. He saw it as a great truth - that he could love, but have no wish to possess. That he could trust, but not resent those who let him down. (JA, Jude Watson)

about discipline, from Rogue Planet - discipline tempered by understanding, discipline that instructs rather than punishes, discipline that is as willing to point out the teacher’s error as it is the student’s:

and

THAT is the kind of education obi-wan kenobi received, and that is the education he provided for his own student. that is the jedi order. qui-gon jinn’s interpretation of jedi precepts and philosophy doesn’t make him something un-jedi.  it doesn’t make him a radical, and it doesn’t make him a “grey” jedi. “grey” jedi isn’t a thing.  differing interpretations and meaning-making, in this thousand generation-long tradition of scholarship and spiritual development, IS jedi - certain universal principles that the entire order accepts, but with nuances, readings, and applications that vary across individuals/traditions/historical periods.  

THAT is the jedi order.  or at least, it’s a more realistic conception of the jedi order than the oversimplified, unlikely, and unimaginative version that authors are typically referring to when they write sentences like “the jedi are wrong about love.”