#my girlfriend has hers and that's been a thing i've dealt with all our relationship

[mare-the-silly-scroingle]

the problem with tumblr is theres a false illusion in that i can just confess some pretty bad shit on here but i feel like i can’t do that bc ppl are more moral here but also none of u know where my house is while ppl irl do sooooo maybe this is safer 

[adayinthelifeofb]

Welcome to my life.

Hi everybody (anybody...) !

Opening this blog was a big step for me. I have been thinking of doing it for a couple of weeks now but I couldn't find the courage. I wanna introduce myself a little, even if no one ever sees this post.

Hello, I am B, 24 years old, I have two ginger cats (my baby on my profile pic). I've dealt with anxiety my entire life, I am diagnosed with BPD since I was 17, no medication, no therapy (lmao I need it). Also diagnosed with ADHD since I was like 5, unmedicated again (lmaoooo). I dealt with severe depression for an entire decade, from 2009 to 2020 (11 to 22). I got out of it (unmedicated too, listen, I said I was a mess). I dealt with alcoholism when I was 17 (2015), got sober, on my one year anniversary I used drugs for the first time and became heavily addicted to speed (early 2017). I heavily relied on it for 4 years, greatest love of my life, helped me stay alive. Got to my breaking point on February 9th 2021 and I celebrated my 2 years anniversary last month !!! Hardest thing I've ever done. Haven't popped a single pill since.

I was an anorexic during my addiction, everything turned around food consumption, calories burning. Would only eat once a week for months at a time, on and off for 4 years. When I stopped using, I started binge eating. The past two years have been uncontrollable for me. The first year, I went in a state of mind where it was better stuffing my face rather than popping a pill. I gained 100 lbs in the process, in 12 months. Not even exagerating. I gained another 20 lbs during the second year. Two weeks ago, I said enough was enough. I was at 119.5 kgs. I started doing these 2 videos on youtube, cardio for plus size people, 20 minutes. I did 7 sessions in 11 days. Let's see how it's gonna go !!

I have a boyfriend, my soulmate, the love of my life. I met him summer 2017. It has been a rocky relationship to say the least. When we met, he was more of an addict than I ever have been. We were a couple after 5 days, moved in after 3 weeks. He got clean late 2018. He has been my anchor ever since we met. He is my biggest emotional support. Every year our couple is getting stronger and stronger, every year is better than the last. I don't know how I'd survive without him in my life. He was/still is my first ever boyfriend/relationship. I've never wanted to pursue dating, until I met him, I was 19, he was 20. He was the same, never had a girlfriend either. Going through mindless, unemotional sex with unknown faces. When we met, we both knew. We were made to be together. It was hard but I would do it all over again and again and again.

I graduated high school in 2014 at 16, I never did anything else with my life. Only worked at shitty fast food jobs that made me wanna die. I went back to school last august, in Infography. Found out it wasn't my place after 3 months, pursued Secretary instead. Started February 28th. I've been doing amazing so far.

I have a very small family. It's only my mom and sister. I have a brother but he lives very far away, we didn't stay in contact. My mom lives a couple hours away from me, she has preschool twin boys and she takes care of my grampa who has dementia since christmas 2019. My sister lives in another continent with her girlfriend since 2018, we keep in touch daily but she only comes around once a year for a few weeks.

Long post, but kinda explain every aspect of my life I could possibly write about in my future posts. I actually can't wait to start talking to myself ! This post got me all excited !!

[rosebud-anonymous]

Will coming back to Tumblr bring back my teenage angst?

So, it's been a hot minute since I've done anything worthwhile on this website - if I did anything worthwhile in the first place is questionable.

As I've grown older, I've come to learn that I'm a person who loves to write (even if it's total trash), and inside me is an overwhelming need to share my voice and thoughts (without absolutely steamrolling my friends and family).

If you don't know what steamrolling means in this context, I'm basically saying that I don't want to turn into one of those raging pain in the ass people who dump all of their unsolicited thoughts and opinions on their loved ones. I care about them too much and frankly, anything I'm writing about is probably not something I'm forwardly proud of, and that's why I've chosen to keep myself anonymous. Sometimes there is shit that I want to get out there (don't worry, I'm not hateful or racist) but I don't actually fancy discussing it with anybody. Essentially, I've been inspired to jump on here and purge whatever's inside me in the form of written word. Don't worry, I'm not expecting you to find this interesting (but I'm impressed if you've read this far). I'm here to serve myself and myself alone.

My first thoughts about this platform actually lead me back to a stressful time in my life - being 17. Ha, I know, STRESSFUL. As if.

I like to laugh at myself for thinking that life was genuinely stressful at this age, it's easy to look back on your past self and cringe over something like this. But I think it's time to change the narrative and stop this intergenerational trend of who had it harder, or in this instance, dismissing the feelings of my past self because I know I have dealt with worse things since then.

At this age, you start to experience many new feelings and experience things you've never experienced before. Every time I think about Tumblr, I think about a boy hurting my feelings and making me feel like an absolute knob. Laughable now, but I'll give you a quick summary of what happened.

I'm 17 years old, I've recently left my years-long high school relationship and have started dating a boy a few years older than me. That's right, I'm the cool kid on the block with a boyfriend who has already left school and can buy my tobacco for me. Hell yeah. But oh, what's this? The ex girlfriend he was completely over and 'hated' was still trying to get in contact with him. No problem, he was ignoring her and I was his number one. Hell yeah.

We're four months (ha!) into our relationship and what do you know, the little shithead found a very cunning way to keep in touch with her without me or anyone else knowing - that 'ask an anonymous question' function on Tumblr. They would send little messages to each other as 'anonymous' via the question box, delete the message they had received and then send their replies anonymously back via the same function. Almost like an anonymous Snapchat, if you will.

Fortunately for me, he made the grave error of checking his message/question inbox in front of me which revealed my worst horrors. It was clear as fucking day who was behind that anonymous title, and you bet that was a clean cut 'fuck off' from me after that. It didn't stop my feelings from being hurt or the humiliation that followed though. Over ten years later, I still find this act incredibly snakey, but I'll give them ten points for creativity. This was the short story about why I associated Tumblr with teenage angst, and still do to this day. This story alone has sent me back to those tough days as a heartbroken teen.

This particular individual had some dirty secrets, and one day I might reveal a thing or two. I guess it will depend just on how petty I'm feeling - there's a reason I've chosen to do this anonymously, ha!

That's the end of today's waffle. Enjoy the maple syrup.

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 19

First time reader click here

Summary+TWs: We're talking serious feelings here, okay? Reader, you're literally emotionally illiterate. You also have PTSD, which is finally addressed - kinda. Bruce does his best. And he also knows how to kiss... But y'all know that if you read my ramblings about lucid dreaming/shifting/whatever... Chile-, anyways...

My phone kept buzzing and I ignored it until Bruce declared it was time to take a break and review the results. Whilst the man was typing up the data on a nearby StarkPad, I fought the sudden influx of messages that I received from haters and supporters alike after Tony decided on tweeting a reply that could be interpreted in an alarming variety of ways. It was a smart move, I'll admit, but a fucking bother for me nonetheless.

Disabling my DMs and dealing with a follower increase in the thousands wasn't hard; I didn't consider myself a problematic asshole and didn't need to be afraid of "exposure". The parties I went to - I doubted there was any blackmail material in there and the few nudes I'd sent over the years were always face-less. As a gen Z, I knew my internet safety.

The trolls didn't bother me either. It was more sad than annoying, people shitting on others for clout. Iron Man stans were witty, at least, if jealous. I must admit I've never considered the influx of popularity I would experience should I publicly out myself as a friend of Tony's. Girlfriend? Intern? Science child? Whatever cover story he was going to feed the press worked for me, as long as I still got the hugs, the kisses, the dick and the attention.

"Tony..." Bruce groaned, evidently done with the data processing, had to have opened his social media to see his own skyrocketing popularity.

"Yeah, our Tony is being a Tony again," I chuckled, having reset my social media settings so my phone wouldn't constantly beep, vibrate and bother me. School was going to be fun.

Bruce shook his head, fond, coming over to my side of the lab after removing his own hazmat suit. His eyes shiny with newfound knowledge and hair turned adorably fluffy in the confines of the head covering. He was smiling softly. "Food?"

"Sure."

We chewed our sandwiches in silence for a moment, each of us lost in our thoughts.

"I still can't believe Tony told everyone on Twitter you're his girlfriend, usually he keeps this stuff private or schedules a fancy press conference," Bruce's tone was thoughtful.

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that what it was? Seemed ambiguous to me..." I trailed off, confused.

"He worded it like that on purpose, I mean, you're still in high school," The scientist was confident in his words. "But I know Tony. I'm a hundred percent sure that he meant exactly that. Aren't you?"

Shock flooded me. Suddenly, I understood I completely misread the situation. "Um, no? I thought we were, y'know, just fucking. We never defined our relationship and we're definitely not exclusive." I said, chewing on my lip. "You make a valid argument, I'm a high school student and he's a grown ass man that does grown man stuff. Putting aside the fact that he could have anybody in the world so why would he choose me?" I was rambling, thinking out loud. Discussing my feelings has never my strong forte. "It would be stupid to impose monogamy on such a complex man like Tony. Downright idiotic to expect a genius to confine to social norms just because it suits others." I finished with a wave of my hand. Another bubble of thought that had festered within me for the longest time. I felt relieved, finally voicing it out loud. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders, a weight I wasn't previously consciously aware of.

Bruce was watching me intently, with an unreadable expression that held the tiniest bit of awe, admiration perhaps. The silence that followed was unnerving. I fidgeted with my hands, not really knowing where to put them or where to look.

"You know," He took off his glasses, fiddling them in his hands. "I'm not going to sugar coat it. For the longest time, I thought you were going to inadvertently hurt him when you get bored with whatever you've got going on. I respect you, don't misunderstand me, but you are young. Now, I've changed my mind. You've changed my mind," He punctuated his statement with his hand on mine, grasping it. "I think you managed to understand him in a way most people can't. Or don't want to. Understand and accept him in a way that some of us can't even after years of working and living side by side with him." Bruce's gentle fingers skimmed along the top of my palm.

"I don't always understand Tony but I do accept him," I agreed. "Because Tony is a great man."

"I think you're in love with him," Bruce said, absolutely having ignored my previous statement. Just like that, point blank, he pushed to the surface the very feelings I got so good at ignoring. There was no rest for me in this place.

My heart fluttered, picking up the pace. I kept my mouth shut, not trusting it whatsoever. My thoughts became akin to panicked hares, jumping and zigzagging aimlessly in my skull. I didn't see the point in defending myself because the scientist had pointed out the obvious.

Bruce looked at me, softly, warmly. "And don't think we haven't noticed the rise in team morale. The improvement not only in communication, but on the battlefield, too. It's easier to entrust your back to someone with whom you've shared a laugh and a drink the previous night. You're the glue that keeps us together."

Something warm and wet was on my cheeks. I stared at our clasped hands, his words echoing in my head over and over and over. The moment I realized I was crying, I willed myself to stop and failed spectacularly - only more salty fluid streamed down, some of it getting in my nose, on my lips. The sleepless nights were making me unstable.

It took a single sniffle for Bruce to pick me up and wrap up in his kind embrace. I didn't resist, tucking my face into the crook of his neck, holding onto the back of his lab coat, inhaling the smell of his skin and chemicals. It was familiar, calming. Minutes ticked by with me slowly leaking the tension out of my body.

"He loves you, too, maybe he just doesn't realize it yet." Bruce whispered into my hair. "I've never seen Tony so happy, even with Pepper. You are special and you are loved."

There was something unsaid, I felt it. It hung in the ear, it burned the tips of my ears, stood sharp on the tip of my tongue. "I love you too, Bwucie-bear," I whispered into the space between his ear and his jaw. His arms tightened around me.

The man placed several chaste kisses in my hair, running a palm over my back. In moments like these, the crush for him, the very crush that got out of control, blossomed fully into a deep sense of respect and admiration. He made me feel safe. He said all the right words at the right time.

Drowsiness overtook me. As usual, any worries and anxieties I had evaporated, once Banner had his arms around me, shielding me from the world. I didn't forbid myself this time: delicately, my hand slipped through the man's soft messy curls, eliciting a contented sigh.

"You haven't been sleeping well," He more stated than asked.

I had no choice but to nod. "Clint keeps dying in my dreams. Or even worse, he doesn't, he just suffers, endlessly, painfully." I admitted.

Bruce flinched under me, tensing. My face was in between his hands in a second, the scientist sternly looking into my eyes. "Why didn't you say anything? All of us assumed you were okay after what happened." He looked - angry. Not Hulk-out pissed but Bruce-pissed, which equalled a kicked-puppy look seasoned with a great pinch of disappointment.

"I am okay." I lied, shamelessly. "It's getting better. That's why I want to have a party - relax a little, dance, socialize. I don't think Tony would let me go on my own so I figured I can convince him to throw one here." I looked away. It was better for everyone if I dealt with my own problems - they were superheroes, not babysitters.

Bruce frowned. "Why wouldn't Tony let you go?"

"Because of that one time I snorted coke," I rolled my eyes at Bruce's naiveté, leaving the less obvious parts unsaid. Tony knew exactly what I was going to do once I got free reign, he considered it destructive and told me so himself. Admittedly, he had a point but still... I wished I'd been given a choice.

"I'll talk to him," Bruce nodded firmly. "That's not acceptable. He can't forbid you from making mistakes and learning from them."

He was met with my shrug. No excitement came from me regarding this particular turn of conversation. I was drained, limbs like jello, thoughts sluggish. My face was drooping.

"Let's get you to bed," Banner stood up with me wrapped around him. "You need a nap."

"No," I protested. If I went to sleep now, only Satan knew at what ungodly hour I would wake up.

"Yes, Princess," Bruce smirked. I wiggled uncomfortably - when he went all caretaker like, my ovaries wreaked havoc on my body and brain. My thoughts weren't appropriate if Bruce wanted me to see him as a father figure. The signals he was sending were mixed. People around me did that a lot and I wasn't sure how to act so I usually just went with the flow. I decided to do the very same thing in that particular moment.

Curiosity sparked within me, tightly interwoven with the deep longing that settled below my collarbones whenever Tony or one of the others wasn't sitting next to me or talking my ear off. I've almost forgotten how it was to be alone with my thoughts. The maze of my very own self was becoming unfamiliar territory. Alarming.

I allowed Bruce to help me shed my shoes and outer layer of clothing, shivering in the coolness of my room. Despite being a frequent visitor, I still had a 'guest' room in the tower - I mostly stayed at Tony's or Wanda's anyways. During our sleepovers neither me nor the witch minded sharing her enormous bed, to be fair, we could have fit at least two more people in it besides us. Tony took care of his own - all the tower's residents had their apartments furnished with the best stuff.

"Sleep now, Princess," Bruce chastised, tucking a blanket around me, having noticed an earbud in my ear and my smartphone in my hand. I had hoped to kill some time online, damn well knowing sleep wouldn't come easy.

"I don't think I can fall asleep, Bruce," I admitted, looking away. There was just so much going on. My brain wouldn't shut up and if I couldn't drown out the cacophony by being productive, I'd troll the internet, as usual.

Banner sighed, coming to sit next to me, leaning against the headboard. Gently running his fingers through my hair, brushing the outside of his palm against my cheek. "How do you usually deal with this?"

Involuntarily, my eyelashes fluttered. "Tony does most of the work," I admitted coyly. The engineer had a whole arsenal of tricks up his sleeve - sexy and exhausting tricks.

"I see," Bruce muttered, thoughtfully.

I opened my eyes to see him looking down at me with a look I haven't seen before. The usual mildly absent, slightly anxious face he wore was replaced by something I could only describe as hurt envy, like a kid looking at their schoolmate who had all the newest, coolest toys. I used to be on the receiving end of that look far too often and I hated it.

I hid my face against his leg, rubbing my cheek on the raspy corduroy fabric of his pants. "Got any good ideas of your own?" I wondered lowly, thinking about what in the world possessed Bruce to wear corduroy trousers on a semi-casual day, in the twenty-first century.

"Only bad ideas," He replied in a matching low tone. His soft fingertips relocated to my nape, goosebumps rising down my back.

"Humour me," I grinned against his leg.

Bruce was quiet for a moment, the sound of his thinking screaming louder than any words could have done. Knowing the scientist so closely, I found out he was full of surprises - bolder than he appeared outwardly and competitive to a boot. He thought he had a lot to prove to himself and by extension, to others. The unknown, the mystery dangling in front of my nose was exhilarating, trepidation addictive. It took me away from the chaos in my mind.

A gentle grasp on my chin had me turning to look upwards, Bruce's face flushed and focused on my own, open and trusting. He needed to see the obvious, that I trusted him to take care of me. He pulled and I followed, sitting up on my elbows, coming up to his shoulder level, our faces inches apart, enveloped in the unique, intense scent of his herbal tea. It was a tart, strong smell and it suited his quiet but passionate character.

Once, twice, I caught my eyes sliding to his plump lips. They looked far too appealing in this position. I usually strategically stayed away from positions so compromising, fearing the very thing that I'd already let happen, however this time the atmosphere was different. We stood on ambiguous grounds, waiting for Bruce to make a decision.

The man wasn't stupid, he saw the way I looked at him. The nightmares and inability to take a break from life put a significant dent in my resolve to keep a distance between us, romantically - I could have settled even for a pity kiss, a pity fuck. Anything to put my brain on pause.

His lips were softer than I had imagined. Skilled, too, he easily steered the kiss into the shallow waters of our combined longing.

With Tony, it was like an avalanche. Tony ran hot like Peterbilt engines, hard and fast, almost angry in his race for satisfaction. Tony was a man that was used to getting whatever he wanted and it became plainly obvious when we fucked.

Bruce was the opposite. He savoured the kiss, losing himself in a way that could almost be described as delicate. Bruce was humming, softly, as we tasted each other, holding the left side of my face with careful fingertips. Almost as if he was afraid to break me. The feel of his skin on mine was soothing in a way that made me sigh and relax even further.

"Wanna make you feel good." His voice had dropped, gone husky, but his breathing held even. He must know all about self-control.

"Yeah," I was ready to agree with whatever the fuck he was offering. My eyelids remained shut.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

PS. Letsby, please don't combust. The underwear is coming off in the next chapter. 😶

[thatsamericano]

I've been calling your stepbro fic "Life with Savino" in my head like that old show "Life with Derek" where almost everyone shipped Derek and Casey tho most fics I saw back when I was into the show had them dating secretly before they became step siblings. Seeing your posts brings back good memories and I really like seeing how Alfred's and Savino's family members eventually figure out they're in love

LOL, thanks! I've heard a little bit about that show and there are some similarities in the fact that FrUKSpa announce their relationship and that they're all going to live together when Alfred and Savino are 16. Alfred and Savino become stepbros as teens (and knew each other for a substantially long time before that to develop feelings), so they can't just be like "yay, new stepbro!" (and even the platonic Matthew and Feliciano duo I've contrasted Romerica with in this fic see each other more as friends thrown together by circumstance, since they're 16 and 14 respectively). There's also some parts of the fic where I talk about Tolys, his stepbrother Eduard, and their shared half-brother Raivis. Their situation is completely different than the main one in the fic, since Tolys's mom married Eduard's dad when they were four, and then they had Raivis a year later. They grew up thinking of each other as brothers despite the technical titles, which is different from this guy cannot be my brother because I'm in love with him and had strong feelings I hadn't dealt with yet before our parents randomly decided to basically get poly married.

Matthew and Feliciano figured out what was going on before shortly after they all started living together (long before the actual Romerica relationship started), because they know their brothers well and since Alfred in particular was obvious as hell about his feelings. I show Matthew figuring it out the day Savino and his family move in, and Feliciano seems to just be psychic about them from Alfred's POV (since I imagine his realizations were more focused on Savino's side of things). Once they started a relationship, Matthew and Feliciano figured it out the same exact day. FrUK at this point have strong reason to believe something is going on (especially Arthur), but they're construing it more as unrelated teens in the same house doing NSFT things instead of a full-fledged relationship with actual romantic feelings. They've brought their suspicions up to their partner Antonio, but right now he doesn't believe them and comes up with alternative explanations for every suspicious thing he sees. (For comedy purposes, he might be the last to figure anything out, and it only happens when he is told or something so obvious happens that even he can't brush it off.) Marcello, who's only nine, has just figured it out, and I'm working through a plot line where he blackmails them into getting him a Vespa (that Savino will let him take many rides on) because he holds resentment towards Alfred for hurting his feelings in the Christmas card incident and is pissed off when he learns the reason why (and like FrUK, he's misconstruing it as a sex thing and not a "they're in love" thing). So far, a couple people in Savino's extended family have figured it out and think it's cute and approve of the relationship (Chiara, who is trying to protect Alfred from being too dumb and obvious, and Nonno Vargas, who keeps getting reminded of him and his late wife every time he sees them being cute together and is trying to decide when/if to talk to Alfred about the fact he's in love with Nonno Vargas's grandson). Some of the background extended family members have varying opinions (an aunt Patrizia thinking it's kind of weird and an uncle Nicodemo and his wife who mentioned something Alfred said about Savino they thought was funny and cute), but all they have are vague thoughts about them, and they're not the focus.

You didn't ask about friends, but all of their closer friends know what's going on and are okay with it because they understand how it happened and all the pining that went on before they officially got together. Kiku walked in on them making out in the library which was very awkward for him but only because he walked in on his friends, not the stepbrother thing. He knew Alfred liked Savino months before the stepbrother thing, and he feels a little guilty because he said something he thought was true at the time that delayed them being together (basically, without using that label, that Alfred is aroace and just doesn't like people in a boyfriend/girlfriend way). They decided to tell Tolys, who made it clear he was okay with Alfred's feelings months ago and had known for a while but just didn't say anything to him. Since he has a stepbrother he sees as just a brother, Alfred was worried he'd react badly but he didn't since he knew all the circumstances. Savino's ex-girlfriend Emma realized when he needed her help on an extremely detailed art project based on Romerica's first kiss (but he made it two girls in part to disguise what it was). She put the pieces together about why Savino claimed to have unresolved feelings for someone else when they broke up after their brief relationship (this was true, but at the time she thought he was just trying to make her feel better about breaking up with her boyfriend because she only likes girls). Alfred recently told his brother's girlfriend Katya who has been with Matthew for so long that she's become Alfred's friend too. She knew Alfred liked Savino for just as long as he himself knew, and she's been very worried about all the pining, Alfred running away from home and endangering himself, and then more recently Alfred acting like he has a secret that makes him happy but is extremely scared will be taken away from him. She's worried about their families reactions but is very supportive and happy for them finally being together.

[thehollowprince]

The Mountain of Ghosts

Another week, another episode. This one dealt with a topic that I know has been on the fandom's mind since the end of season four, so let's just dive into this.

Alice and Eliot - obviously the big part of the episode. This has been on everyone's mind since season one and the possibility of Queliot was a thing. It's been a constant back and forth, one or the other, situation since, and sadly, we all know where most of the fandom landed on that issue. This was a good episode that got to the crux of the issue here, that being Quentin. Not Alice's or Eliot's feelings toward Quentin but rather his feelings toward them.

For years I've stood here and watched the constant screeching of "Quentin loved Eliot more!" or more rarely, (seriously, very rarely), "Quentin loved Alice more!" It got to the point where I firmly believed, and still believe, that it wasn't a matter of actually caring about Quentin at all. I'm not saying that no one actually liked Q, but that was secondary to the main issue of which ship would win in the end. Shipping is a big thing in fandom, but what no one really ever wants to admit is that it's also a big problem in fandom, in that ship wars happen and all some people seem to care about is the validation that comes with watching their ship set sail or another ship sink. That's all I'm going to say about that right now, because honestly the problem with shipping in fandom is a whole other topic waiting to be made, but its relevant to this issue, so let's move on.

Alice and Eliot both loved Quentin, and whether anyone wants to admit it or not, he loved both of them back. It isn't a matter of saying he loved either one of them more, or which one was more valid because no one loves two different people in the same way. Some of the things that Quentin loved about Alice aren't the same things he would have loved about Eliot. And this episode really highlighted that. Eliot and Alice are about as different as you can get, especially when it comes to romance. They both had different approaches to their relationship with Q, and I'm so glad we got to see them resolve their differences. We finally got to see Eliot say to someone else that he and Q loved each other, and have Alice not only acknowledge it but embrace it. She said it best, "what was I going to do? Demand he be less complicated? That he only love one person?" Too often Alice is reduced to this one-dimensional girl who is only defined by her relationship with Quentin, especially by fandom, and this really broke that mold. This was a nice episode for the two of them, to work through their anger and to work together to let go of Quentin... to acknowledge that they couldn't save him. I hope this bond between the two of them keeps building through the rest of the season.

PS: please let Alice wear jeans and pants more often. She looked so much more comfortable than she does in those fetish school girl dresses.

Moving on...

Margo - I'm not sure how I feel about this whole "reclaiming the throne" thing she's got going on. I loved Margo winning the throne by her own merit back in season three, because it worked in that moment. And then last year we had her abandon the throne to save Eliot. When push came to shove, she valued one person over the duty she had as a king to her people. I'm not faulting her for that, because I understand where she was coming from, but she still gave up the throne and it paved the way for Fen to assume the throne.

I can only speak for me, but I thought that was beautiful. Having a Fillorian finally sit on the throne of Fillory felt like a major milestone, and now we're just supposed to believe that Margo gets to be the king because she said so? I didn't like that. That's one of Margo's negative character traits, her entitlement, which brings us to...

Fen - I do not like what they're doing with her so far this season. Who is the sycophantic woman? She admired Margo, of course, but not to the extent of idol worship. This is a woman who was part of the F.U. Fighters, fighting for Fillorian rights in a kingdom always ruled by outsiders. But then the moment Margo's not there, she turns into this incompetent moron, so much so that she and Josh were overthrown because they were waiting for someone else to save them, and I don't like that. That is a complete disservice to the character and the journey she's been on for the previous three seasons.

Also, this whole Josh thing that's going to come between these two women, who have had such respect for each other, leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I was one of those (probably the only) who was rooting for Josh and Margo. Were there things I would have changed about it? Of course, but I thought they worked well together and off of one another, and now we have this bullshit. I liked Josh, not just because we shared the same name, but because he was an interesting character that people, especially women, seemed to like, not because of his appearance but because of his personality. And now they've turned him into a quintessential Nice Guy™ who sleeps with his girlfriend's friend instead of figuring out a way to save themselves and Fillory.

I will say that it'll be interesting to see how Fen and Margo repair their friendship after that revelation that Margo legitimately tried to kill her, if they repair it at all.

As for everyone else...

Julia - I know we're working up to something with her and the big catastrophe, so I'm gonna let her lack of a role these past two episodes aside from support slide.

Penny - I really would like to see more of Professor Adoyodi, aside from just him doing research for class. Also, it's sad that they had him mention that "best case scenario for Travelers" is that they just become an Uber for their friends, only to have Julia ask him for a lift...

Like, y'all wrote it, maybe you should pay more attention to it!

And then there's Kady and Fogg. The Magicians is so different then other ensemble shows in that they actually use the ensemble! That being said, characters like Fogg and Kady often end up on the side because, while they're deemed primary characters, they feel more like secondary or tertiary ones. I know I'm not the only one interested in what's going on with the Hedge Witches, but we don't see Kady and what's going on with them unless one of the other "mains" needs something, usually some secret Hedge spell or Kady's fist. Same with Fogg. Brakebills was such a cornerstone for this show, and while the mains left the school (didn't graduate, just left) the institution plays a major role still, as a location if nothing else. Add to that the fact that Penny is a professor there now, and I'd espect to see more of it.

Lastly... the Dark King.

Not to toot my horn or anything, but I'm pretty damn good at predicting turns and plot twists. I can usually spot a villain or antagonist the moment I see them, but that wasn't the case here. Granted, in hindsight I should have seen in with how he was introduced, but I was so stuck on the idea that I "knew" who the Dark King was that I couldn't entertain the possibility that I would be wrong. Though, to be fair, he did have a line about illusion magic, so there's a chance I might still be right. All of that being said, it did feel a little like a cop out. All of our other villains and antagonists have been hinted long before their big reveal, and just having a completely new character shown up and go "Surprise, bitch! I'm the dark king" feels a little off to me. We'll just have to wait and see.

All in all, I'd give this episode a rating of 7.5 out of 10. I know I complained a lot, and that's because, aside from Eliot and Alice's arc, the rest of the episode felt kind of lackluster to me. Here's hoping we pick up the pace the rest of the season.

[shawnpetermuffins]

Convenient Girlfriend

Summary: You're not sure if you are still important to Shawn, and you've been putting off this fight for long enough.

A/n: this is probably my favorite thing I've written thus far, honestly.

Requested: no

Warning: angst, so much angst

Word count: 1,535

***

Neither of us have said a word since dinner with Matt and Brian. Actually, neither of us have said a word to each other since before dinner. He talked to his friends the whole time and I interjected only when spoken to. I wasn't in the mood for a long night out, and knowing them, they'd want to go get drinks after, and I was in the unfortunate situation of coming with Shawn - meaning I had no way to leave without him. Calling an uber would, for one, be rude. And two, prove to the guys that something wasn't right with me and Shawn. Not that they needed to know that. Not that Shawn even knew that, so it seems.

"So, are you gonna tell me what I did or are we just gonna ignore it until you get over it?" He asked after setting his keys on the table by the door.

I scoffed, no longer in the mood to hide my obvious irritation.

"Not talking? Okay, I'll talk. Whatever I did, I'm sorry. It'd be nice to know what it was, though, seeing as I've barely said a word all day."

"That," I said facing him. "That is the problem. You haven't said fucking anything to me all day - Sorry, all week."

He shrugged, "there hasn't been much to say. Nothing's happened."

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, "everything's happened," I mumbled. "You've just chosen not to see it."

"See what, y/n? What am I not seeing?" He threw his hands up in frustration.

“I’m only your girlfriend when it’s convenient for you, Shawn!"

"What that supposed to mean?" He crossed his arms defensively.

"A fan’s getting a little too close to you, ‘hey, you know I have a girlfriend, right?’ The boys want to go out, but you don’t? ‘Can’t tonight, the girlfriend wants me home.’ Do you know how that makes me look to your friends when you say that shit? Not to mention, you say it and you don’t even spend time with me. You lock yourself in your studio and don’t come out for hours on end.”

“That’s not-”

“True? Fair? No, of course it’s not. But frankly, neither is our relationship.”

He flinched like I’d just hit him. “What are you saying?”

“That I’m done being your excuse.”

“My excuse? Is that really what you think you are to me?”

“We don’t spend any time together! None! I’m literally just living in your condo hoping that I might get to see you at least once a week while you’re here.”

“Y/n, you’re not my excuse.” He tried reaching for my hands.

“My name only comes up when you’re trying to get out of something. And don’t think that I’m the only one who’s noticed.”

“What are you talking about?”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I had lunch with Aaliyah and your mom today.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried. I even tried inviting you. But apparently you become deaf the second I open my mouth.”  I arched an eyebrow at him. “Your sister asked me if we were still together. Said she hasn’t seen many pictures of us in a while.”

“That’s a stupid thing to ask.”

“I didn’t think so,” I shrugged. “Actually I thought it was pretty reasonable. And then I realized that I didn’t really have an answer for her.”

“You didn’t answer? You’re supposed to say ‘yes.’”

“Was I?”

“Yes!”

I scoffed, “Okay.”

He groaned and rubbed the side of his neck, “What did mum say?”

“That she misses seeing me around. Apparently she wanted to ask me to lunch directly because every time she invites you first, I’m busy.”

“You’re always busy,” he defended.

“I’m never busy! I’m especially not too busy to hang out with your family, who I love! Who have literally taken me in as their own!”

“Well I’m sorry! Next time I’ll make sure to bring you along. Get you and my parents off my back,” he mumbled the second part.

“See? That right there! You’re bringing me because you’ll get something out of it! I’m supposed to be your girlfriend, Shawn! Not someone that you hit up every once in a while because you’re lonely. We’ve been together four years! But… I don’t think I want to be your girlfriend anymore if this is what our relationship is going to look like.”

“Fine! You don't want to be my girlfriend? Then marry me!”

I stood there, just staring at him in complete shock. “What did you just say to me?”

“You're tired of being my girlfriend. So be my wife instead.”

I don't know entirely why I did it, but I shook my head. “No.”

“No?”

“No,” I confirmed, and now I know why. “You don't want to marry me, Shawn. You just want to find a solution to an unsolvable problem.”

“What? You think we can't fix this? It's one fight, y/n!”

“Today! We've fought more in the last three months that you've been home than in the four years we've been together! You're not asking me to marry you because you want me to. You're asking because you think it'll shut me up. You think this is what I want and it's not.”

“Then what the fuck do you want?! What can I do to make you happy?!” He threw his hands around like a madman, and there was no easy way for me to say this to him.

But I've been hurting here in this house for years. I'm not even second best for him. I never have been. But I’m always here when he needs someone. I've dealt with his fame and the media trying to twist our relationship every which way. I've dealt with his fans - most of them sweet and caring, never intrusive, but others that hated the idea of someone that wasn't them dating their idol. I've been to every award show he's asked me to go to because he needed someone next to him, to help show him off. I was there for his concerts when I was able to take off work. I've been there for him through everything.

And he's missed everything. He wasn't there when I graduated college because of a last minute studio session. He wasn't there to wish me luck when I started working at my dream job. Or when my anxiety got so bad that I couldn't get out of bed for two whole days. He's always been my number one priority, and it just sucks that it's taken me four years to realize that I was never his. “I want to break up.”

"No," he said definitively. "No, you don't. You can't."

"Shawn, don't make this harder than it has to be."

"I Will! I will make this hard! You're throwing four years of our lives away like it's nothing."

"You think that's what I'm doing? You think I wanted this to happen?” I ran my hands through my hair. “Of course I didn't! But you're not making this easy, bub! You're always gone! You never talk to me, whether you're here or not. I can't remember the last time we had a meal together, or the last time I woke up with you still beside me, or went to bed wrapped in your arms. I'm not the one throwing us away, Shawn. You are. You did the second you stopped telling me not to wait up for you."

He's crying - sobbing - And I want to take him in my arms and cuddle him and tell him that it'll all be okay. But he's not mine anymore, so I turn to our bedroom and start packing my things.

He came in twenty minutes later and practically growled at the sight in front of him. "No," he mumbled and shook his head.

"What?" I asked, forcefully throwing another two pairs of jeans into my suitcase.

"No," he exclaimed, causing me to flinch and then he was next to me, pulling my clothes out of my bag, throwing it aimlessly across the room.

"Shawn! Stop it!" I tried to take my stuff and put it back, but he caught my wrists.

"You're not leaving," he told me, eyes red and filled with fire, but so so tired. "We're going to fix this. Make it all better. I'm going to pay more attention and I'm gonna take you out. I will make this better. Because I am in love with you, y/n. I love you. I love you. I love you."

I hung my head, not wanting to stare at his hurt eyes any longer.

"Say it back," he begged, but I stayed silent. "Baby…" his voice cracked. "Tell me you still love me."

I took in a shuddery breath, my shoulders shaking with my unsettling, choked sobs.

"Please…" he's on his knees now, trying to catch my gaze, but I shut my eyes tight, my tears still streaming steadily.

"Of course I do," I managed to whisper and open my eyes. They met his, and I catch the tiniest amount of hope in them. "But I can't do this anymore."

And just like that, it's gone.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301

It tore me apart writing this, but I love how it turned out. I hope you guys enjoyed! 💙

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

[megamanx1994]

The Legend of Kuzon Chapter 4

Chapter 4: To the Spirit World (Disclaimer! I own nothing of Korra or Kirby!) Korra guided Kuzon to a glowing light in the middle of Republic City. "I can't believe I'm actually going to the spirit world," said Kuzon excited. "Asami is the only other one I've shown this place," Korra said, "Now I get to show you." She turned to him. "One thing though… what was up at that restaurant, you seemed offended with that girl trying to flirt with me." Kuzon sighed. "If I ever come off as homophobic against her…. Its because my first girlfriend cheated on me, and dumped me for a lesbian girl." Korra helf his face, "Do me a favor. If something like that is bothering you, talk to me about it and i'll try to cheer you up. After all that's what girlfriend are here for." "Girlfriend?" Asked Kuzon blushing. "That's right, I'm your girlfriend now, and you gotta deal with it. Now let's check out the spirit world." They went inside the portal and were in the spirit world. "Wow I'm actually here." "This world gets pretty unpredictable at times so stay close to me," Korra said, "I don't want us to get separated." "Sure thing. Sooooo…. Where do we start?" Korra and Kuzon were jumping on top of giant mushrooms and then rode on a dragon creature. They also climbed on top of a rock creature. "I did this with Asami once and she managed to beat me," Korra said. "Uncle Dedede told me about the spirit world, but I can't believe I'm seeing it with my own eyes," said Kuzon. "You're the king's nephew?" "Not exactly. He's a surrogate uncle." Later they were staring at the stars. "This place is incredible," "We should probably head back before people wonder where we are though," "Well before we do, there's one thing I wanna do," Korra smiled knowing what that thing was. The two of them came closer to each other until their lips made contact. Kuzon's arms wrapped around Korra's waist while her's wrapped around his neck deepening the kiss. The two of them were blushing but smiling. Later Kuzon was tuning his guitar back at the garage. "Hello!" Kanji said opening the doors. "Hey guys," Kuzon said. "So how was your date?" Anana, "Tell us all the details." "It was pretty good, nothing exciting happened," said Kuzon. "Are you sure?" I asked, "Not even a car chase?" "…..Guilty as charged," Yeah we've known for a while that Kuzon and Knuckle Joe were the same person. "So yeah, Korra and I were battling this guy with a mask. But I don't know anything about him yet." "I'll bet," "Korra invited me to see her parents again," "Wait, didn't you use to have a crush on Korra's mom as a kid?" Anana asked. "No!" He said defensively, "….Yes." We all laughed. "Guess Korra's mom has got it going on," Kanji said. "Shut up," Later Kuzon and Korra were walking to her parent's house. Tonraq opened the door and was surprised to see Korra. "Korra what a surprise!" He said, "I didn't think you'd be here so soon." "I brought a guest," she said introducing Kuzon. "Kuzon is that you?!" Senna asked hugging him, "Its been so long." “It certainly has,” Kuzon said smiling, “How’s the most wonderful, encouraging, lovable mother of Korra doing?” Senna was use to Kuzon giving her such compliments. “I’m fine thank you very much,” Senna said as she chuckled, “How is the most sweetest, cutest, adorable handsome best friend of my daughter?” Kuzon chuckled and blushed. Korra and Tonraq laughed. “Some things never change do they?” he asked. "Well looks like music has kept me occupied at the moment," said Kuzon. "We can talk about it over dinner," Later they were having some food. "I can't wait to hear about your trip to the spirit world Kuzon. How was it?" "Well, it was amazing," Kuzon said blushing, "Korra really showed me an amazing time….. but something happened along the way." "What is it?" Tonraq asked. "Ok, I'm just gonna say it," Korra said, "I didn't think I'd be this nervous coming out to you." "Whatever you have to tell us we're here," Senna said. "So you know that Kuzon and I have been friends for many years," Korra said. "Yes," Senna said. "And it surprised us more than we expected," Korra said placing her hand on Kuzon's. "Your daughter is an amazing person and i've…. Well I've had feelings for her for years. And to my surprise, she feels the same way about me." "Basically what we're saying is...." Korra started. "We're together," they said in unison. Tonraq and Senna were confused at first but then their expression changed to happiness. "Nothing I expected to hear, but at the same time I couldn't be more happier for the two of you!" "Its wonderful!" Senna said as she hugged Kuzon and Korra "Just one question; who have you told?" Asked Tonraq who was curious. "You two were our first stop," "But once we tell everyone at Republic City, or maybe this town first, everyone's gonna know." "Just be careful Korra," he said, "Some people here won't really take something like this that's out of tradition." Korra glared at him. "What do you mean?" "What your father is trying to say is not everyone from the southern water tribe is gonna be accepting of this relationship, especially since Kuzon is from another nation. No offense." "None taken," "So what if they don't accept it? That's their problem, and I think I'm entitled to tell whoever I want." "Just don't get ahead of yourself," Tonraq said, "You do tend to get a bit overexcited about certain things and…" "Dad' I've dealt with a lot of people who are hell bent on keeping things traditional my whole life," said Korra, "But I didn't realize you were one of them." Kuzon grabbed her hand. "I think its best to get outta here," "Good idea," said Korra guiding him out. "Korra wait!" Tonraq said, "I never meant to make you upset." "A little late for apologies Dad!" She said. Kuzon and Korra were heading for a portal to Republic City. "I wanna apologize about my parents Kuzon, they can be really insensetive," she said, "Well my dad mostly." "Its ok, they were just overcautious, but I think I know what they mean," Kuzon said. He faced her. "I feel no shame being with you all the time, whether we're in front of people or not, but;…. Another part of me is selfish and wants you all to myself." "Also I owe you an apology for putting my own personal feelings before yours, guess I do get a bit overexcited." "Everything's fine Korra, and I'm excited about how our relationship will go," She smiled. "I want you to know something. No matter what happens, I'll stick by your side, for better or worse." She kissed his forehead. "Same here," Kuzon said holding her hand. They found their way to Republic City and I spotted them. "Guys perfect timing!" I said dragging them, "We got an emergency!" A business man, Wonyong Kelim was trying to move a group of air benders from the area. "You have 10 seconds to move this area or I will call the police!" He said. "Count down all you want but we're not moving a single inch!" Said Jinora, "These are sacred lands and you have no right to touch them!" Kuzon approached him. "You wanna take this time to tell us what the fuck-shit you think you're doing?" He asked. "First off, I have no need for filthy language, and second of all, get off my land." "Who's this guy?" "I am Wonyong Kelim," Kelim said, "Pleased to meet your acquaintance." "Why are you here?" Asami asked. "Miss Sato, what a surprise," he said. "Save the flattery," said Asami. "In any case, would you be so kind to get these people off my land?" Asked Kelim. "No Korra don't!" I said, "He's trying to build an amusement park and push the spirits away." "All we want is to make it into a place for tourists," "Whatever it is, you have no right to be here," Mako said approaching. "Mako's right," Asami said, "People like you have no right to be allow it." "Well I've been given a deed to this area which means I can do whatever I want with it!" Korra was talking with one of the spirits. "I promise I won't let him do this," she said. "And I'll do what it takes to help, please don't make us close the portal." The spirit nodded. A pink spirt-humanoid approached the area. Kelim looked at it. "This seems like a good specimen," he said, "Capture it!" I got in the way. "NO!" I said, "Trying to harvest land is one thing, but hunting spirits is taking it way too far!" "Move or you will be moved," Kelim said. "Never!" I said holding on to the spirit. "I want you out of this area NOW!" He shouted, "I'm not afraid to arrest every one of you." He turned to Korra and said, "And I am certainly not afraid to put the Avatar behind bars." Kuzon pushed him away. "Lay off my girlfriend Bub!" Kuzon said ready to throw another punch. "This is your last warning, leave," Kelim said. Korra went into avatar state and was blowing a huge gust of wind. "Leave, NOW!" She said. They all started to leave. "He won't be back anytime soon," Jinora said. "Sometimes a little Avatar intimidation does wonders," Korra said, "Thanks for sticking up for me Kuzon." "Don't mention it," he said. The pink spirit hid behind a tree. "Its ok little guy," I said, "I won't hurt you." I came closer. "Here," I said. I was holding out my Kirby Kreme's Chocolate bar. It started to come closer and take it. "Poyo poyo," it said. "I'll take that as a thank you," I said smiling. The spirit ate it. "I don't think this little fella has a home," I said, "But it looks like he likes Kirby Kreme." "K….K….Kirby," said the spirit. "It spoke!" Kuzon said. "I think I'll look after him for a while," I said, "My name's Saria." "Name Saria," said the spirit, "Name Saria." "And I'm Kuzon," Kuzon said. "Kuzon," the spirit said. "And my name is Korra," Korra said introducing herself. "Korra," said the spirit. "We sure showed those punks who's boss," Kuzon said doing some fighting moves. The spirit opened his mouth and somehow ate Kuzon. "Kuzon!" Korra said. A star came out of the spirit and Kuzon was back. "I'm not even gonna ask what just happened?" He asked. The spirit was doing the exact same moves Kuzon just did and then formed into a human like him only with pink skin. "Whoa," he said in awe. Meanwhile at Police headquarters, Lin was interrogating one of Tokuga's men. Mako and Bolin caught him earlier during a skirmish when his men and another group. "Now what's his name?" She asked, "You're not going anywhere until I get na answer. "I ain't telling you anything," said the man. Mako entered the room. "I think I found something," he said. She went over to him. "You really think he's gonna work?" Asked Lin. "He's worth a shot," Bolin whispered. Lin went back to him. "So I was just having a chat and it turns out you planned the attack on the crystal triads," Lin said. "That's some straight up bullshit," said the man, "It was all Tokuga's….." He quickly covered his mouth. "That wasn't so hard no was it?" Asked Lin. "This guy is a crazy nut who attacks like a demon," said the man, "He killed our original leader and now he's in charge." "It looks like he's not resting until he takes the Crystal triad's turf as well," said Mako. "It looks like he's earned his mark on our most wanted list," said Lin.

[onemanzerosquad]

New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc

[broken-record-ramblings]

11 Days

This summer has been very different so far. I'm getting ready to move out, I'm saying goodbye to almost everyone I've ever known, and I'm watching the inevitable unfold right in front of me-- meaning high school relationships either ending or getting more delusional, people dying every day... It has been a big growth summer for sure. I have 11 days until I'm 18.. it just seems unreal. I've been having that problem a lot lately-- reality seeming like it's just a dream. Sometimes I wonder if my mental health is getting worse, or if it's just regular old me, not living in the moment. It's probably a little bit of both, quite honestly.

Socially, I have been watching my "friends" live their lives through their perfect social media accounts. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be back living in their bubble of a headspace...sometimes. I'm proud of how far I've come in my life, and I know I shouldn't look back on them. I miss familiarity, but I'm preparing for the first big change in my adult-ish life.

Familiarity tends not to exist when you're experiencing growth.

I have been struggling with my mental health, but I haven't found any new healthy coping methods to share. I'll come back to this one, lol.

Finally, yes, my girlfriend and I are doing great. We have experienced a lot of "real-life couple" things in the past few weeks, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love her so much.

I say the term "real-life couple" because for the past 3.5 years, our relationship has existed almost solely through facetime and texting. It would be safe to compare our experience to a long-distance relationship. My parents are... not accepting, to say the least, so we've dealt with only seeing one another maybe once a month... Well, all that is changing quick. I'm moving out, turning 18, and have a lot more confidantes to help us sneak around... until I feel I need to come out, and effectively cut myself off from my family. That's a story for another blog, my friends.

Stay safe, and stay mentally aware ❤

P.s., this picture is from one of my drives home from work... I love when sunsets paint the sky :)

[talesfromagemini]

SCORNED: THE LAST VISIT (SHORT STORY)

Written By: Harley Winston (TalesFromAGemini)

Janiah sits on her Queen-sized bed with tears in her eyes. The young woman heart is shattered...again. The so- called man she fell in love with has left her for another woman. One in a million things are going through her mind. She doesn't know who to turn to. Not to mention she's thinking the unthinkable.

"Since 2012," she says to herself quietly. "Since July of 2012, I've been nothing but loyal and faithful to this man and this is the thanks that I get." She damn near laughed. Anger was building in her core and her mind was clouded she couldn't think straight. Janiah rose up off her bed and slowly walked up to her mirror, Janiah couldn't look at herself she felt ashamed, she felt ugly. What was once a semi-happy young woman; was now a young woman ready to self-destruct in any minute. She gently brushed her dark-brown shoulder-length hair into a neat ponytail. The dried tears were cleansed away from her face. "Today Janiah is the day of your rebirth," She spoke with confidence to herself. "You will finally be free from your pain." She chuckled say, holding back tears that were trying to form in her eyes again.

She threw on a black tank top and a pair of black sweat pants, she dialed the newly unsaved number in her phone. The call went straight to voicemail, Janiah's blood began to boil ten times hotter.

Downstairs, her mother was preparing dinner for the family. Her younger sister was in the home office talking on her cellphone and watching television. Both unaware of the pain Janiah was going through.

Dressed and car keys in hand, Janiah walked up to her mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek which was rare and went and hugged her little sister tightly.

"What's wrong with you?" Her mother asked, confused. "You've been in your room mostly all day."

Janiah faked a smile, "Just being in my thoughts."

"Where are you going?" Her mother noticing the duffle bag.

"To drop off something to Marcus, "She lied.

"Be home on time, Janiah."

"I will," Janiah assured before walking out the door.

It didn't take long before Janiah was on the East-side, coming off her exit, her adrenaline began to rush. She wasn't sure if she was excited or scared. Pushed to her limit of no return Janiah was ready for whatever went down but she wasn't going down without a fight. Parked and posted around the corner from her ex- boyfriend Marcus's house, Janiah faced a blunt and took a few shots of Hennessy, she checked her social media and her heart sunk more. Marcus posted a picture of an ultrasound.

"She's pregnant?"

Janiah took another sip and got herself together. One last look in the rear-view mirror, Janiah smiled at her beautiful reflection. "You are beautiful and today is your rebirth. Happy Birthday, love."

She responded to herself, "Thank you." She exited out of her car, she walked to the back of the car and popped the trunk retrieving a medium size black duffel bag.

Janiah approached Marcus's house and knocked on the side door, she saw his truck in the driveway so she knew he was home. No response. She knocked on the door a little harder. A few moments later she was hearing foots steps coming, her heart started racing she hasn't seen Marcus since they broke up a few weeks back. She wasn't sure if she could go through with this.

Moments later, she laid her eyes on the man who once made her heart skip a beat. Marcus Raymond opened the door surprised and a little pissed to see his ex-girlfriend at his door step.

He sighed of irritation, "What are you doing here, Janiah?

She smiled ignoring the fact she's not wanted right now, "I just came to talk and have one last drink and blunt with you. Then I'll be on my way. I came peaceful with no drama."

Marcus thought about it and decided to let Janiah in. Not realizing he just put himself in danger. Janiah sat her duffel bag on the chair in the living room.

"What's in the bag?" he asked.

"Just some of your old stuff I'll put it in the attic before I leave. Let's have some drinks," she slurred a little bit.

"It sound like you already had some." He chuckled.

"Just a few shots before I got out the car."

"I guess. Well I'm in the room," he walked to the back of the house.

Making sure Marcus was in the bedroom; she pulled out a bottle of chloroform and poured it on a black cloth. Drinks poured and ready, Janiah was ready for a night of fun. When she walked in the bedroom, Marcus was on his Sony PlayStation 3 playing the latest game NBA 2K13. She placed his drink by him and sat in her spot behind him.

"So what do you want to talk about?" he asked never taking his eyes off the screen.

"Becoming friends after this if that's possible." Janiah pulled out an already rolled blunt out of her purse.

Marcus grabbed his cup and took a sip, "Friends?"

Janiah nodded.

"What's this? Henny?" He asked after taking a sip.

"Your favorite," She smiled. "I want us to be great friends. I still love you and I know you in a relationship and all but that doesn't mean we still can't be close." She sparked the blunt and took a hit. Inhaling the good shit and then exhaling the bullshit. Three more hits and she then passed it to Marcus.

She took another sip of her drink and sat it on the nightstand, "And I also want to thank you for everything that you taught me and forgive you for everything that you done wrong to me."

He paused the game and faced Janiah confused.

"I realize that what we had wasn't strong enough to be a true relationship I was hoping being friends will bring it to that some day."

Marcus took a huge sip of his drink, "You right...You live and you learn." Then turned his attention back on the game.

"I will always love you, Marcus," Janiah sat up. "But just so you know...... I will never forget." Janiah pulled the black cloth out and covered Marcus's mouth and nose with it. "It's time to have some fun, baby."

Once Marcus was knocked out she took a few more hits of the blunt and finished her drink in one gulp. Retrieving the duffel bag from the living room, she pulled out hand cuffs and duct tape and began handcuffing Marcus's hands and feet to his bed rail. She covered his mouth with duct tape.

"Time to get to work." She cracked her knuckles.

Marcus lying unconscious, she slowly caressed her fingers on his smooth, light-skinned faced, "To bad our children would have looked beautiful."

She drew her fist back, "It's time to wake up!" and punched the shit out of Marcus waking him in a panic. Realizing he was tied up, he searched around for answers mumbling under the duct tape. He saw Janiah standing over him with a smile on her face. She snatched the tape off his mouth, "And you were saying?" with a raised eyebrow.

"You crazy bitch! Get these cuffs off me now!" he yelled in pain from the tape snatching damn near his mustache.

She calmly spoke, "That's no way to speak to a lady, Marcus." She open-hand slapped him. A faint-red hand print was left on the side of his face.

"Fuck you!" he spat. "Get these cuffs off me!" Ordering her like he was in control of the situation.

"Now why would I do that?" Janiah pondered, tapping her chin. "Marcus for the last two going on three years I have dealt with your bullshit. The countless lies and cheating and I am tired of it. You left me for another woman not to mention you got the bitch pregnant. So today Marcus we are going to see how much pain you can take. Janiah felt powerful. She was finally in control. "There is nobody on this earth Marcus who is going to stop me from inflicting the pain that's coming to you." She laughed evilly. "Now I need you to shut the fuck up." Placing a new piece of duct tape on his mouth.

Marcus struggled to get the cuffs off but he couldn't. Never once in a million years did he think Janiah would do this to him. He never thought she had the guts to even come at him like this.

"I wouldn't fight if I was you it only fuels my rage." She warned him.

Rummaging through her duffel bag, Janiah pulled out a surgical blades, surgical retractor , rib shears and a small bush cutters. Marcus's eyes grew big, he didn't know what Janiah had in store for him but it wasn't pretty. An evil grin crept up on her face. He was no longer staring into the eyes of the sweet innocent woman he met almost two years ago, but the eyes of a menace. Janiah pulled a butcher knife out the bag and Marcus began to panic, she placed her finger across his covered lips, "Shhh! Baby. For walking all over me. You don't need your legs anymore." She began to stab Marcus repeatedly in both of his legs. He screamed and kicked, but she continued to jab away, blood was splattering all over them.

"You in pain yet!" She screamed. She wanted him to feel it, but it wasn't enough for her. She pulled down his basketball shorts, exposing his man-hood that she loved and made her feel good the times they was together. "See this guy,Marcus." She gripped his manhood tightly in her hand. "This the little fucker that got you tripping on me! That got you running the streets being a fucking a hoe!" Tears and evil filled her eyes. Brand new bush clippers were sitting in the corner of the bedroom and she instantly got an idea. She placed his man piece in the middle of the clippers. Janiah stared Marcus deep in his pleading eyes and whispered, "Snip...Snip Pretty Boy." With that Marcus penis flew across the bed. His horrific screams were muffled by the duct tape. The piece that made him feel like a man was now lying next to him limp and bloody. Deep inside he knew he wasn't going to make it out alive. Janiah was just getting started.

"Don't pass out yet," Janiah whispered in his ears. "I don't think you felt enough." Marcus eyes were rolling in the back of his head. His body was uncontrollably shaking.

Marcus was scared for his life. He turned Janiah into a monster before him. "Let's get rid of this shirt." She cut his white T-shirt from the middle exposing his tatted chest. "I loved your tattoos, Marcus. Especially when you was fucking me right. Just watching the sweat drip from your body made me cream." Janiah started from his belly button and licked him all the up to his neck. "Mmmmmm." She moaned, savoring his flavor. "You still taste good." It was time for the real fun, she sat aside her scalpel and rib shears. "I'm going to take something from you, Marcus."

Just like at work watching the surgeon on YouTube, Janiah made an incision straight down the middle of his chest. Marcus could no longer cry and scream he was too exhausted. Blood was gushing and squirting everywhere, but Janiah didn't care; she was digging for gold and she wasn't going to stop until she had his heart in her hand. She quickly grabbed the rib shears and began cutting away at the rib cage, she could see his heart barely holding on to a beat in his chest, "It's almost mines." She squeals.

She placed the retractor in his chest exposing his slowly beating heart, her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You are so strong baby. What are you holding to? Life? Oh! my dear that's already gone." Picking up the surgical scissors, "I loved you with all my heart Marcus," She placed a kiss on his forehead. "I will see you in hell." She began cutting his heart out. Marcus began shaking suddenly his body went still. Finally! In her hand, she held the heart of her lover. It's so pretty. She thought. She couldn't believe she actually cut out his heart. She stared at Marcus's lifeless body and squeezed his heart until it burst in her hand.

She was finally free.

Janiah calmly grabbed her cellphone and dialed 9-1-1.

"9-1-1 what's your emergency?" The operator answered.

She spoke into the receiver, "I've just cut out my lover's heart." Then hung up the phone. She took one last glance at Marcus. A tear rolled down her face. It was a tear of happiness.

She walked outside into the backyard and looked up into the night sky, "God forgive me for I have sinned," She prayed before pulling out a 9MM pistol and pointing it to her temple. Janiah closed her eyes and dropped to her knees before releasing the trigger.

POW!