#my mom wanted to see what the mangas I bought were and I was so terrified she would read the description 💀💀

[donaviolet]

SOOOOO I was supposed to go on a movie date last week but my bf slept til noon and missed the time because he forgot to set up an alarm so we had to change it for today 💀

B U T this time it worked!! And since I came a bit earlier to the mall I had some time to take a look at the bookstore near the cinema and LOOK WHAT I FINALLY FOUND

IM SO SO HAPPY BUYING THE BSD MANGA IS LITERALLY MY DREAMMMM

And btw we went to see The Boy and The Heron, this movie is a pure work of art 110% reccomend it

Best day ever 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

[olivianyx]

OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨

HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.

⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠

WHAT I MANIFESTED:

🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES

🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS

🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)

🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!

🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED

🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!

🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭

🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)

🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿

🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK

🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)

🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)

🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩

I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.

HOW I DID IT:

JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION

YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.

🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.

🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.

🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.

🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.

🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?

🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.

🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.

🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.

LUV YOU, BYE 💋

[wordsofelie]

Chapter 8

🔥Phoenix and Ashes

Suna Rintarou x f!reader

Summary: “It’s funny how nobody believed that we could make it work.” - “Well-maybe they were right.”

Meeting Suna Rintarou wasn’t part of your plan. Dating him, either. Getting your heart smashed into the palms of his hand, even less.

Content Warnings: Timeskip, Manga Spoilers, Alcohol Consumption, Mention of 1 OC, yn is lost & confused

Word count: 4.5k

chapter 1 - chapter 2 - chapter 3 - chapter 4 - chapter 5 - chapter 6 - chapter 7 - chapter 9

184.

That’s the number of days that have passed since you last saw Suna or heard from him. 184 full days, mornings and evenings, without hearing his voice or touching his skin. You can't sleep a wink the night before the twins’ birthday party. You squirm in bed and watch the hours pass.

So many questions run through your mind.

What will happen when you see him? Will he talk to you; look at you? If you have the opportunity to hold him again—will you?

It’s raining outside. You hear the raindrops brushing the trees before crashing against your window. The moon is shining bright and high in the sky, at times, clouds hide it. It’s a typical autumn night, heavy and nostalgic. Just like your heart.

Around 3 a.m. you decide to text Umi.

“I’m scared to see Rintarou,” you admit.

It doesn’t take her long to reply, “I can come if you want.”

Osamu has invited your best friend to the party. Not only because he had known her for years but also because he would feel better if you had her by your side.

“D’ya mind?” He asked his brother.

“Do whatever ya want,” Atsumu said, he tried to look unbothered, but Osamu knew him all too well. Umi and Atsumu haven’t seen each other since high school and their friendship did not end up on good terms. The boy was still holding a grudge towards her. But if he admitted it, he knew his brother would make fun of him for acting like a child. So, he played it tough, pretending that seeing her again after years would be fine (but anyway, that’s another story).

“You should sleep,” you text.

“Says you haha”, followed by “but really, just tell me and I’ll come.”

You stare down at your phone, unsure of what you should do. Since Osamu told her about the party, she has been asking you if you wanted her to come, but you brushed her off each time. However, now that it is only a matter of hours before you see your ex-boyfriend again, you start to freak out.

“If you have nothing planned why not.”

“I don’t! see you tomorrow then, try to have a good night!”

The sound of the rain covers your heartbeat, the caress of the wind against your window masks the trembling of your hands.

It’s going to be okay, you repeat and repeat.

You arrive at the Miya’s apartment before anyone else. You tell Osamu you want to help them (or, rather, him) prepare.

Atsumu comes out of the bathroom when you put the beers you have bought in the fridge.

“Oya, oya dear Mademoiselle.”

You share a surprised look with Osamu—one tinged with mockery and pity. It takes you a lot of self-control not to burst into laughter.

“Ya speak French now? And don’t walk around shirtless.” Osamu sighs.

“Yer my mom or what?” Atsumy says while getting closer to you. “My abs deserve to be shown to the world.”

Your eyes immediately fall on his toned chest and belly. And you must admit that yes, Atsumu’s muscles are indeed well-shaped and nothing compared to his high school days. Despite his childish attitude, he is a man now.

“See, she agrees with me.” He wraps an arm around your shoulder and smiles teasingly.

“I never agree-”

“I’ll grab a beer.” The setter cuts you off and opens the fridge.

Osamu strides forward and takes the beer from his brother’s hand, “Calm down ya moron, it’s for tonight.”

“The night is young little bro.”

“Huh?” Osamu frowns, “Never call me that again.”

Atsumu mumbles something back and the argument escalates as always. The starting point of the fight is soon to be completely set aside.

You laugh so hard, that you almost forget the knot in your stomach. Atsumu decides to go back to his room, insults resonating in the whole apartment.

“Why do you guys live together?” You ask, wiping a tear from the corner of your eye.

“Gosh, I don’t know. He pisses me off.” He grumbles.

“But?” You put your hands on your waist and look at him, waiting for your question to be answered—honestly.

“But…” He hesitates then mutters with a shy voice, “Am just used to bein' with him all the time, ya know. It’s -” he clears his throat, “comfortin'.”

The vulnerability in his eyes soothes your heart, you tilt your head and smile. Osamu sees your nose wrikling. He turns around, “Shut up.”

You lift your hands in defence, “I haven't said anything yet”

“But I know exactly what yer thinkin’”

“Can you read my mind, Miya Osamu?”

“I’d rather not.” He glances at you, his back still facing you.

His left profile really is his best, you tell yourself.

You only chuckle after that and stop the conversation here. After all, he is not wrong. Why would he want to read your mind when it’s full of Suna? Paced with the memories of what you shared and tortured by the regret of what could have been. Maybe this incessant ache in your heart and in your thoughts is a reminder of how guilty you should feel for letting your relationship down, for not showing him enough support. Maybe you have been too hard to love and he is happier with someone else.

Or maybe, you truly deserved better?

Maybe he is the one who let you down? Who didn’t fight for you?

Maybe you should be happier with someone else—could you be happy again; loved again?

You open your mouth. Anyone who would see you might think you have seen a ghost. The questions make you feel dizzy so you decide to push them away. You feel the tension of your face ease a little and when Osamu calls you to help him cut avocados to prepare some guacamole, you take a deep breath and join him.

It’s time for the guests to arrive.

Since Kita has some last-minute inconvenience at his farm, Ginjima is the first to arrive. Half an hour passes and the place is almost full.

You stay with Osamu in the kitchen, even if “ya should go talk with everyone”, he tells you. “I like to be with you.” You reassure him—how can he argue with you after that? But your gaze travels to the living room, moves through the clock hanging in the entrance, and stops at the door. And it keeps going there, again and again.

There is a weird combination inside your heart—fear mixed with hope. And each time someone knocks at the door, it hits you like a firework against a dark night; it’s noisy and overwhelming, but it’s also colourful and exciting.

Osamu pours you a glass of lemonade (he bought your favourite) when Suna enters his apartment. You see the discomfort in your friend’s eyes and turn to the direction he is glaring at.

Your body freezes. Your vision follows every single one of his moves—he shakes Atsumu’s hand, smirks when Aran fist-bumps him, takes off his jacket, runs his hands through his hair. Everything is going so fast, or so slow. You don’t know. You start panicking when his footsteps get closer to where you and Osamu are. You look down at the floor, the light reflecting on it is suddenly replaced by Osamu’s shadow. He stands before you, his broad back and shoulders almost hide your ex-boyfriend.

They greet each other while you restrain the tears from falling down your eyes.

“Hey,” you believe you end up saying. He says something back before turning his attention to Osamu.

“Happy birthday man.”

“Thanks bro, it’s nice to see ya.”

You think Osamu is sincere. They are friends after all and you never wished for them to grow apart because of you.

You finally decide to look at Suna—or maybe it’s just instinct, a force stronger than you, which pulls you to do so. It’s the closest you have been to him in months.

His face is perfect, and the shapes of his body outstanding.

You do not meet his eyes though and your heart breaks. You feel stupid, why would he look at you? Why would he want to have a conversation with you? Why would he care about someone as insignificant as y-

“Yer lemonade,” Osamu gives you your drink and smiles, “Want somethin’ to drink?” he proposes to Suna, pointing at the fridge.

“Sure.” The other boy says.

You bite your lips and think, the evening is going to be long and lonely.

If not for the twins you would storm out of this room, run to your parents’ house and muffle your sobs in your pillow.

Atsumu is drunk.

“It’s not even midnight,” Aran says nonchalantly.

Kita lets out a faint sigh, his eyes narrowing as he steps closer to Atsumu. “Atsumu,” he begins, his voice soft but firm enough to catch the setter’s attention. “D’ya want some water?”

“Captain!” Atsumu spins around abruptly, “Am so happy yer here!”

The boy often gives a slap on the back to his friends or teammates, you figured it’s his way of being friendly. It never looks like it hurts (well, it would probably hurt you since Atsumu is a 6’ tall and full-of-muscle athlete, but nobody was ever injured, so he must know how to control his strength). However, with three beers and six shots of sake in his blood, he loses all sense of control.

The slap he gives Kita makes the former captain trip. Suna, who is standing next to Atsumu, steadies him.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kita apologises.

Suna doesn’t understand him at first, Atsumu is the one who acted like an idiot. But then, he starts feeling something stinging on his chest. He realises Kita’s drink has been spilled on his t-shirt (white, of course).

“Sunarin!” Atsumu shouts in Rintarou’s hear, it startles him, “Shit, yer shirt is fucked.”

“It’s fine,” Suna sighs, clearly exasperated.

“’Samu!” Atsumu yells, his voice booming through the apartment.

“Atsumu, stop screaming,” Suna pleads, rubbing his temple as if trying to ward off an impending headache.

But Atsumu ignores him, “go get Sunarin one of yer shirts.”

Osamu, who had been sitting on the couch with you, raises an eyebrow in confusion. “Huh?”

Even in his drunken state, Atsumu seems to pick up on the bothered tone of his brother. “Yer such a shithead,” he mutters, though he probably meant to whisper. He pulls off his own shirt, revealing his toned torso (again), and hands it to Suna. “Wear that.”

Suna hesitates for a moment, but he eventually complies, pulling off his wet shirt.

“Fuck, Sunarin, yer girl is savage!” Atsumu suddenly blurts out, his loud voice cutting through the room like a knife.

You are following the scene from the corner of your eyes. You try as much as possible to not look at your ex-boyfriend, especially not when you see him starting to get shirtless. But when the blond twin screams and an awkward silence follows it, you can’t help but turn to the boys.

If you weren’t sat on the couch, vision perfectly directed to Suna’s back, you wouldn’t have understood what Atsumu meant. But you are sat on the couch and despite the dim light you see the scratches on his back.

“Yer a beast or what?” he continues, giggling like a teenager.

“Atsumu, stop.”

Umi interjects with frustration, but it feels distant, almost surreal to you. She gets up and steps closer to him, placing a gentle hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him down. But Atsumu’s too far gone and he continues to tease the middle blocker. The tension in the room thickens.

Umi tries again, her voice firmer this time, “Atsumu, that’s enough.”

“Oh, so ya know my name, huh? I thought you had nothin’ to do with me.” His slams her hand away and looks down at her, eyes filled with anger.

Osamu sighs and decides to take care of the situation.

As soon as you are left alone on the couch, you slip away from the living room, quietly making your way to the kitchen. The cool air is a relief, but it does little to soothe the turmoil brewing inside you. The tension in the room was suffocating, and you needed to get away from it all—the memories, the stinging pain, the sight of Suna's marked back.

As you lean against the counter, trying to steady your breath, you hear footsteps behind you. You turn to see Osamu, his brow furrowed with concern.

“Yer okay?” he asks, his voice soft, almost hesitant.

You nod quickly, not trusting yourself to speak without your voice cracking. “Yeah, I’m fine,” you manage to say, forcing a smile that you know doesn’t reach your eyes.

Osamu isn’t convinced. He takes a step closer, his gaze searching your face for any sign that you might need him to stay. But you shake your head, more forcefully this time. “Really, Osamu. I’m okay. I just need a moment.” Leave me alone, you beg him in silence.

He hesitates for a moment longer, his eyes lingering on you. Finally, he nods and gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze before turning to leave.

The moment he’s gone, you feel the weight of everything you’ve been holding back crash down on you. You glance around the kitchen, your eyes landing on a bottle of something strong on the counter. If Atsumu can act so freely with alcohol in his system, then why shouldn’t you? Maybe it will numb the ache in your chest, even if just for a little while.

You grab the bottle and pour yourself a generous amount, the liquid burning as it slides down your throat. You don’t care. All you want is to forget, to drown out the thoughts that have been plaguing you since Suna walked out of your life.

With the drink in hand, you head back to the living room. The scene has shifted slightly. Atsumu and Umi are nowhere to be found, and everything seems to be back to normal. You watch Gin and Kosaku play some cards game with a detached interest, but your eyes keep straying to where Suna is sitting. The pain deepens.

Osamu catches your eye from across the room. He must see something in your face because after a moment, he looks away, as if giving up on trying to figure out what you’re feeling. The drink in your hand is half-gone, and the room starts to blur slightly around the edges. You down the rest in one go.

An hour passes, and you’re in a drunken haze. The sounds around you—laughter, music, chatter—melt into an indistinguishable sound. As you stumble towards the bathroom, you nearly collide with the door, your mind spinning. But before you can push it open, you see Suna standing there, his tall frame blocking your path.

“Hey,” he says, his voice low and familiar, sending a shiver down your spine.

“Hi,” you answer.

He is about to get out of the way to let you through, but a voice urges you to make him stay. You need to say something; anything. And suddenly, the words tumble out before you can stop them, raw and unfiltered. “I still love you.”

His eyes widen slightly, and for a moment, you think you see a flicker of something—regret, maybe—in his gaze. “I’m sorry,” he says after what feels like an eternity, but his voice is distant, like he’s trying to put space between you even if he stands right in front of you.

You take a step closer, “I never stopped thinking about you, you know. I'm so fucking in love with you, Rin...”

He hesitates, his eyes searching your face as if he’s trying to decide whether you’re being serious or if it’s just the alcohol talking. “Are you drunk?” he asks.

Before you can respond, he reaches out and gently takes the drink from your hand. “I’m gonna go find Umi,” he says, as if that will fix everything, as if walking away again is the solution.

But the panic starts to rise in you, sharp and unyielding. You can’t breathe; the walls feel like they’re closing on you. You need to get out—now. Without thinking, you turn and rush out of the apartment.

You’re almost outside when someone catches up to you at the stairs, grabbing your arm firmly to stop you.

Osamu.

“Hey, where're ya goin'?” he asks worried.

“I need to leave,” you choke out, barely able to get the words past the tightness in your throat. “I can’t stay here, Osamu. I just can’t.”

“Okay,” he says softly. “Let’s go to the restaurant.”

The ride is silent. When you arrive at the restaurant, Osamu parks the car and helps you out, guiding you inside. He leads you to a seat and disappears into the back, returning moments later with a glass of water.

“Drink this,” he says gently, pressing the glass into your hands.

You take a sip, the cool water soothing your parched throat. It feels good. But it does nothing to ease the void in your chest. The alcohol is starting to wear off.

Osamu sits down across from you, watching you closely. He doesn’t say anything. For a moment, you almost break down right there in front of him, but you force yourself to keep it together. You’ve already shown too much tonight.

“You’re always so kind to me…” You look down at your drink, fingers grabbing the glass tighter.

“We’re friends.” He simply says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I don’t deserve it.” You’re ashamed to look at him.

He says your name firmly, “Don’t say that.”

But you cut him off, “I’m a mess.”

He gets up to get closer to you, you hear the chair squeak against the floor, and he grabs your shoulder to make you look at him. He’s so close, you think he can hear your heartbeats.

“Yer hurt. Ya haven’t seen him in months, it’s normal to feel like that. But yer not a mess,” he hesitates and smiles a little, “and even if ya were, I’ll be there for ya. That’s what friends do.”

You study each feature of his face; his eyebrows; his eyes; his nose and an inch further down…

Your lips end up on his.

You grab the back of his head to tank him down, his hands brush your skin all the way from your shoulder to your free fingertips where he intertwines them with his.

You’re kissing Osamu.

You’re kissing Osamu.

You push him quickly, “Oh my god I’m sorry.” You suddenly get up, panic invading you, “I didn’t mean to - oh my god… I must look so desperate right now.”

“Kissing me makes ya look desperate? Gosh Champion, that hurts.” He lets out a small laugh and his kindness makes you want to cry. You're too drunk to decipher how he really feels.

You finally explode. Tears flow like a waterfall. You friend pulls you against him, you feel the warmth of his shirt against your cheek, and you grab his back with strength, afraid that if he steps away, you’ll crumble.

You don’t remember what happened after that. What you know is that you fell asleep at some point and Osamu stayed by your side.

When you wake up, the sun has barely risen. Your back hurts, your head is pounding, your throat is dry. You take a look at your surroundings; you’re lying down on some bench in Osamu’s workplace. It’s calm, way too calm. You try to remember last night, but your headache makes it hard to think straight.

“Mornin’, should I take ya home?”

Osamu’s voice surprises you, you gulp and nod, unable to come out with a coherent answer. His jacket is covering your body like a blanket, you’re about to give it to him but he interjects quickly, “put it on. It’s cold outside.”

“Thanks,” you answer with a broken voice. You don’t even have the strength to argue with him.

Osamu tells you it’s Sunday and 7am as if he sees how disoriented you are. The neighbourhood is quiet, it reminds you of the day Suna broke up with you. The calm before the storm.

Speaking of storm, Suna is standing in front of your house, hands in his pocket, back lean against the wall.

You get out of the car with Osamu, confused.

Suna clears his throat and when he decides to speak, there’s hesitation in his voice, “Can we talk?”

Osamu is standing between him and you, but somehow, he feels invisible. The way you look at Suna like he is the centre of your solar system is threatening. He will always be your first choice; what did Osamu think? His body moves on instinct, and he takes a step back towards his car.

“I…” he starts, “’Tsumu probably made a mess, I’ll go check on the apartment.”

You agree but avoid his gaze.

A moment passes and you’re alone with Suna. It’s been so long you think you forgot how to be with him. How are you supposed to talk to him? Call him? 

“I was worried yesterday. I went looking for Umi, but you had disappeared.”

“Were you really?” You ask, there’s poison in your voice. You feel the blood in your veins rushing through your whole body.

He takes the time before responding, “Of course.”

“Rin… You're telling me you're worried about me because I disappeared one evening, when you didn’t ask me how I was even once in the past six months? That’s nonsense.”

“I get that you’re angry, but I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

He seems honest and it kills you. You clench your fists. How are you supposed to react to that?

Your mind goes through all sort of emotions, incomprehension, anger, frustration. You finally speak again, “Why?”

“Why?”, he echoes, puzzled.

“Why did you break up with me? And don’t lie to me.”

His lips open and close a few times. His hands come in and out of his pockets awkwardly. “I… I was stupid. I guess I got tired of our relationship. Hiroshima, the club, my friends, everything was new, and it was exciting. And when we were together, it felt like it was holding me back.”

He looks at you and quickly explains more, “But I was wrong and stupid. You’ve been my pillar for all those years, ever since we broke up, I feel lost and I keep doing shitty things.”

“We did not break up Rin, you dumped me, like I was nothing.” You remind him. You can almost feel your nails rip off the skin of your palms from clenching too hard.

“I’m sorry…” He looks down at the floor. He looks so pitiful but even so, he is still beautiful.

You hate yourself for wanting to pull him against you. He is vulnerable right now, almost weak which puts you in a position of power, and yet, deep down, he has you wrapped around his fingers, still he has your heart caged in his hands. How unfair, how unfair.

“What do you want?” You ask him, trying to sound suspicious.

“I was hoping we…we could start over.”

“Loving you ruined my life Rin, how am I supposed to trust you again?”

Of course, you would ask him that. Suna is far from stupid—he knows exactly what he’s done. Until yesterday, he wasn’t even sure if you still loved him. Why would you, after everything? But perhaps, there is a tiny flicker of hope. So, he tries.

“Let me show you that it can be worth it.”

“Where-where does that come from? You barely looked at me once last night, I told you I still loved you and you said nothing back.” Your voice trembles.

“I did look at you, I swear, more than I thought I would. I didn’t expect to feel like that when I saw you, but something was weird in my heart and when you told me you loved me, I panicked. I acted like a jerk, you have all the right in the world to hate me,”

You cut him off, “I could never. You know that.” Your fists relax. 

There’s hope, there’s hope, he hangs on to the thought.

“So… Please let me make it up to you.”

“Did you have sex with her?”

He squints as if the accusation bothers him, but you have to know the truth.

“Rin.”

He doesn’t ask who you are talking and simply answers with a shy “yes.”

You deserve better,

You will find someone else,

Let go of him.

Your heart sings and the words give you the courage to walk past him.

“Wait.”

He says your name and grabs your arm.

One touch. It’s all it takes for you to melt, for your heart to forget all the pain it has been enduring for months.

You hesitate but your hand finds his cheek and you brush a strand of hair. How soft, you think. He closes his eyes, and his forehead leans against yours.

“Please,” the murmur sinks into your body.

“Let’s try.” You give up. You have been waiting for him to come back to you for so long, you have dreamed about those words so many nights. You don't have any other choice but to trust him now.

A comfortable silence settles between you, it almost makes you believe you’re in a dream. You decide to take a step back, but Rin doesn’t let go of your arm.

“I forgot my phone at the boys’ apartment.”

“I’ll come with you.” He hurries to say, afraid you would runaway if he doesn’t follow you.

“‘Tsumu is still sleepin’, Umi left an hour ago.” Osamu explains with a quiet voice once you’re back in the apartment. He hands you your phone.

“O-okay.”

You look around you. The living room is a mess, more than what you remember from last night.

Last night.

Your heart skips a beat.

“Hey, Osamu?” you start carefully, he waits for you to go on, “is everything okay, I mean between us?”

“Sure.”

“Sorry about last night.” You feel extremely guilty. You might have gotten the boy you love back but you can’t bear to lose one of your best friends.

“Last night? What happened last night?” He smiles. You’re relieved; your secret will be safe with him (he is so precious, you tell yourself). You’re about to answer but he lifts his eyes from your face, and you turn to see what has caught his attention.

Suna.

“We should go.” You say.

Osamu thinks you’re talking to him but when he sees you facing your ex-boyfriend he is confused. Suna’s answer confirms his doubts. Something is going on between you two.

“Yeah.” He takes your hand, “thanks for last night Osamu. I have a game in Osaka next month, I'll text you.”

Osamu is unable to answer.

“I'll see you tomorrow at the restaurant," you conclude with a soft smile.

“Hmm, see ya.”

You're afraid to see disappointment on your friend's face so you don't turn back. Everything will be perfect from now on, just like it was before the break up. You are going to be happy and loved and cherished.

The knot in your stomach is normal, you try to convince yourself, there is nothing to worry about.

Absolutely nothing.

author notes: i won't get mad if you want to scream at me :)

Elie

taglist: @wolffmaiden, @obibiwan, @teyvatsunsets, @sugacor3, @hanadulsetaad

[severinapina]

“About you and the arcades” — ONE SHOT

Another day, another dollar. Who cares? They're all the same. Breakfast, training, lunch, training, dinner, training, and bed.

“And don't even think about staying up reading manga, okay?” said his mom every night.

“And don’t even think about bla bla bla” mimicked an adult Satoru, remembering those times.

He hated them. Sure, his strict upbringing had made him who he was, but they were still bad memories. Formative years, they say. Every time he bought a Shonen Jump, his mind went to the pre-bedtime scolding or, worse, to the time his mom found his stash and burned them.

“And I had the whole first arc of Dragon Ball, for fuck’s sake” he said, dumping six sugar cubes into his tea.

“What about Dragon Ball? My husband was Vegeta” said Shoko, just entering the kitchen.

“That's like the hundredth time you've said that.”

“Wow, someone's in a bad mood. What's up? Did Megumi get suspended again for hitting his classmates?”

Gojo slumped into a chair with a sigh. Yep, Shoko was right. He was in a bad mood. Megumi had indeed hit his classmates, and he’d have to deal with the principal (an activity he despised), but more than anything, it was the day that bothered him. A beautiful spring morning, ready for the first cherry blossoms. Only he could be annoyed by such a scene. But it made sense. A lot of sense.

On a day like that, he met him.

*

He'd been feeling bored for weeks, no, months. The lessons were dizzying, the training exhausting, and nothing amused him anymore. Wandering endlessly through the forest surrounding the Gojo clan estate wasn't exactly thrilling either, at least not since he turned fourteen. He was anxious. Next year, he would start his studies at the Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College, which meant not only perfecting his skills but also something he'd been denied his whole short life: meeting people his age. It wasn't far off, really. Nevertheless, Satoru couldn't wait. So, it only took a small slip-up with his mother to bolt.

It was the third time he'd run away from home. The first time, at six, he'd decided to play snail hunting in the forest, an activity he kept up until, at dusk, one of his hysterical guards dragged him back. The second time, at ten, he took the train to Tokyo. He wandered aimlessly, attentively observing the eccentric passersby, listening to the loud noises, and smelling the various food aromas only a big city like that could offer. Until he realized, disappointed, that he still drew the attention of minor sorcerers. And there were plenty. He returned home before they noticed he was gone, convinced that perhaps no one would ever understand what it felt like to be a freak.

But this time would be different. He knew exactly where to go. And not only that, but he'd discovered how to mask his cursed energy for a short time. That, plus a good cap, guaranteed him a few hours of forgetting his boring, routine life Gojo clan.

“Fuck the sorcerers” he muttered with a giggle as he boarded the train.

Upon arriving at his destination station, he ran up excited. He knew exactly where he wanted to go: the arcade with games from the late '80s and early '90s and, specifically, one game: Street Fighter.

He didn't expect a guy dressed in karate gear with a meter-wide back to be using it.

But Satoru wasn't one to give up. He knew he couldn't keep his disguise and low energy for long, so he had to make the most of it.

He approached the guy and patted him on the back.

“What do you want? I told you I'd help...” he said, turning around. “Oh, sorry. Thought you were someone else.”

Satoru, seeing him, could only think one thing: "bangs." He was facing a boy around his age, with violet eyes and dark, shiny hair, highlighted by a suspiciously untamed tuft.

He stared at him, mouth open. Not only did he have an intimidating demeanor, but he also emitted cursed energy. And strong energy at that.

“Well? Can I help you with something?”, the boy asked when Satoru didn't respond.

Gojo snapped back to reality.

“I want to use that machine”, he said, standing tall and speaking authoritatively. He'd grown a lot that year, probably about ten centimeters. He had to use that to his advantage.

“Good for you, but I'm using it. Feel free to wait over there”, he pointed to the door.

Confused, Satoru quickly glanced outside and then back at the boy. "What a rude jerk," he thought. Gojo wasn't used to being told no. And, although he hated himself for it and it contradicted his plans for the day, he played the clan card. After all, the boy with the ridiculous tuft was a sorcerer.

He removed his cap and glasses, locking his blue eyes on him.

“Do you even know who I am?”

The boy looked him up and down.

“An idol? Sorry, not into that stuff”, he said, turning back around.

Flabbergasted, Satoru stepped in front of him.

“I'm Gojo Satoru”, he said, indicating his eyes.

The boy, now annoyed, pushed him aside.

“What a rude introduction. Move, please.”

Satoru, even more perplexed, significantly increased the levels of cursed energy he was emitting. This caught the boy's attention. He widened his eyes and, after a few seconds, said:

“You have...that?”

“Yep. Told you I'm Gojo Satoru.”

“Your name still doesn't ring a bell, but”, he stood up and offered his hand. “...I'm Geto Suguru.”

Suguru had spent years unsure of what to make of his strange gift. He saw people and entities where there were none, heard horrible whispers in the dark, and smelled scents that would scare the vilest pirate. He'd intuitively learned to swallow curses, but he knew very little. He didn't even call it energy. To him, it was just "that." The only person he'd met with the same ability was the teacher from the Curse College who had come to recruit him. But he hadn't really explained anything. It would all come later, he'd said. So, meeting a boy his age with the same thing for the first time was incredibly intriguing.

He observed Satoru for a long time. He didn't want to forget his face.

“Are you gonna let me play or not?”, Gojo asked impatiently. He didn't want to be rude, but no one changes overnight.

“Wow, no manners," thought Suguru as he stared at Satoru, puzzled. Normally, if someone treated him like that, Suguru would either ignore them or tell them off. However, something told him it wasn't time to part ways with this strange albino and his frog-like eyes just yet. He felt their cursed energy made them, on a peculiarly intimate level, comrades.

After a few seconds, he said:

“There's another arcade two stations away with two Street Fighters. Want to go?”

“Why would I need two?”, Satoru asked, raising his eyebrows.

Suguru blushed.

“So we can both play.”

"Idiot," he added to himself.

Gojo stared at him for a moment, blinking as if he were being drenched by a thousand raindrops. This was new for him. Not only had he met a sorcerer who didn't know him, but one his age who was polite enough to invite him to play.

He stood up and walked to the door. Suguru looked at him questioningly, and Satoru turned his head.

“Aren't you gonna lead the way?”

Suguru nodded and hurried. They walked to the metro together in silence, but contrary to what one might expect from such a situation, they both felt strangely comfortable. As if they'd known each other forever.

*

At the next arcade, Gojo noticed he wasn't feeling so great anymore. He checked the time. He didn't have much freedom left. He had about fifty minutes before he’d collapse from the effort of hiding his energy. Plus, it was nearly time for his boring History of Clans and General Sorcery class.

“Ugh, school sucks”, he said, not realizing he’d spoken out loud.

Suguru pointed with a smile at the two Street Fighter machines. They were empty, almost waiting for them.

As they sat down, he said:

“School's not so bad if you focus on your studies and join a club. Which school do you go to?”

Gojo eyed him from under his glasses. Of course, this martial arts student had to be a star pupil. "The shoujo manga class rep stereotype," he thought, continuing to scrutinize him.

Taking his seat, he replied:

“I’m homeschooled.”

Now it was Suguru's turn to scrutinize. "So that's why he has no manners," he thought, watching Satoru pick his nose.

“Too bad. Thought we might run into each other in a tournament.”

Satoru eyed him suspiciously. Too bad? Why was this guy being so nice to him? He didn’t know who he was, so he couldn’t be a kiss-up. And Gojo couldn’t fathom that he was simply dealing with someone genuinely nice. He was too used to cold, sarcastic manners.

“I don’t like sports much”, he said curtly. “Don’t talk to me, I'm starting my game, okay?”

"Yeah, he's an idiot," thought Suguru as he stood up and walked over to Satoru. "I should go study and stop wasting time with this annoying brat, but..."

Suguru hit the button to cancel the albino’s game. Satoru looked at him like he had just heard a dog talk.

“What the...?”

“I brought you here so we could both play. You have...that thing, same as me, and I think...I don’t know. You intrigue me. Can you play with me for a bit?”

Suguru was surprised to say those words and blushed like never before.

Satoru didn’t know what to say. No one had ever asked to spend time with him. People were always around him just because of who he was. Asking for permission to share his time was unheard of.

He didn’t think about it. He was intrigued by this Geto Suguru too. And in a way he couldn’t explain, he wanted to spend time with him. But they were short on time. He checked the time and clicked his tongue.

“I have half an hour. Then I gotta go or I’ll be half-dead.”

Suguru laughed loudly. He had no idea what Satoru meant, but it was funny anyway. And not just anyone could make him laugh like that.

“Alright, Cinderella. I’ll beat you in five minutes.”

He had no idea that Satoru played, hidden under his covers, for four hours every night. That, plus his exceptional brain, made him a whiz at everything he did, including ‘80s fighting video games.

After losing three rounds embarrassingly, Suguru thought it was best to throw in the towel. Not only that, but looking at the time, he realized his parents expected him for dinner in fifteen minutes.

“I think it’s time for me to go”, said Geto, a bit hesitant. He didn’t want to leave. He was having a good time.

Satoru looked at the time and was surprised to feel sad. He had to leave too. Standing up from the machine, he said:

“I have to go too.”

The two boys stared at each other like they were seeing their reflection.

“Wanna walk together?” asked Suguru suddenly.

Satoru nodded. He’d walk to Kyoto with this stranger, honestly.

As they left, Suguru headed to a vending machine.

“What do you want to drink?”

The albino panicked. He’d never had any of those neon-colored drinks before. They were forbidden to him. The strongest had to follow a strict, low-sugar diet.

“The same as you”

“But I haven’t chosen anything yet”, said Geto, confused.

Satoru just looked away. He felt a bit ridiculous, which was new for him. He had been raised to never feel less than the rest of the simple mortals.

Guessing what was happening, Suguru got a Sprite for himself and a Coke for Satoru.

“Hey, heads up!”, said Suguru, tossing the soda to him.

Satoru instinctively activated his technique. Geto watched in amazement as the can was repelled from his body.

“How’d you do that? That was awesome!”

Gojo blushed. No one ever praised his achievements. Being the strongest was his duty. And no one gets praised for simply doing their duty.

“It’s...I was born this way”, he replied, scratching the back of his head. “It’s because of that...thing you have too.

“Can you teach me?”, asked Suguru, his violet eyes wide with hope.

“No. You’d have to be born in my clan and with these”. He took off his glasses and pointed to his eyes as he sat on the ground.

Noticing Suguru’s disappointed face, he added:

“But you’ll learn other things at the school.”

Suguru smiled resignedly, looking at the ground as he sat next to Gojo. He didn’t dare tell him the things he could already do with his technique. For some strange reason, swallowing curses felt dark and ugly, and not just because of their taste. Sometimes he felt something ominous came with keeping so many inside him. Satoru’s technique, on the other hand, seemed beautiful, bright, and natural, as if no one else in the entire universe could carry it with such grace.

Since Suguru wasn’t saying anything, Satoru, a bit nervous, asked:

“You know about the Curse School, right? If not, I can talk to them about you. Next year, I’m starting my first year.”

Geto smiled at him. There was something endearing about what he’d said. His words made him feel welcome at the famous school, even though he hadn’t set foot in it yet.

“Yeah, they came to recruit me a couple of weeks ago. I’m supposed to start my first year too, but...”. He hesitated. “...that day, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go. I said I’d give them an answer by the end of the month.”

Gojo felt disappointed. He had really started to like him. He could get used to those violet eyes and that flamboyant hair. No, he knew he would get used to it.

Playing it cool and while looking at his nails, he asked:

“And now? What do you think?”

Geto smiled at him. Gojo Satoru had become annoyingly charming to him. Maybe leaving traditional education wouldn’t be so bad. At least that curious boy would be by his side. And something told him he wouldn’t regret sharing his teenage years with him.

“Now I’m sure I want to go.”

Satoru felt a smile spreading from the tips of his toes to the ends of his violet hair. He never expected to smile at someone he’d known for less than two hours; it just happened as naturally as breathing.

He took a sip of his Coke and, besides instantly getting addicted to the sugar, felt the familiar twinge in his head. He didn’t have much time left. He had to lie down, or he’d end up passing out. He sighed and glanced at Suguru. He never thought he’d have such a good time that afternoon. He wanted to stay there, not just that day, but all week, month, year. But it was impossible.

Although, he thought, they had four years ahead of them. And who knows how much fun they’d have then. He smiled again. He felt that it would be alright. Very alright.

He stood up and, before leaving, extended his hand.

“See you next year, Geto Suguru?”

Suguru took it and, without letting go, replied:

“See you, Gojo Satoru.”

And so it would be. Even when he was out of sight, out of reach, and out of his life, in the countless memories of their days together, Satoru would see him. He’d see the photographs, the books, and the hair ties he’d leave behind. He’d see his smile, his eyes, and the way he said his name. He’d see, in short, into the intricate and gray soul of that boy who, thanks to ironic fate, he’d come to love inexplicably.

Unbearably.

Infinitely.

And he’d keep seeing him, until his last breath.

🕹️———————————-

Illustration by @ahresprite 🖤

[aihoshiino]

Hi hello!! I adore your oshi no ko analyses and chapter reviews/thoughts! I always make it a point to, whenever a new manga chapter releases, always to read your reviews after reading the chapter =3=

I wanted to ask!

What are some of your Hoshino Ai headcanons?

I had a very silly one for quite a while ever since the DVDs were brought into the story and that is when Ai recorded them, there were times she had to stop what she was saying and walk out of frame after hearing baby Ruby crying or something like that. Just having the twins interrupt her and just turning into a wholesome, funny thing for Ai.

GOD I HAVE SO MANY AI HEADCANONS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START… I'm constantly playing Blobo TV with her in my brain both for RP/fanfic purposes and also just for when I'm bored at work lol so I have so many in my head… So I'll rapidfire a bunch off the top of my head!

Ai can't cook! Most of her meals are premade stuff or like, bentos bought from supermarkets, etc. She was never taught literally Anything about cooking when she was younger so she has zero instinct or starting knowledge or lbr even time to try and learn, but she commits to at least trying once Aqua and Ruby are born. She is absolutely not good at it even when she really gets her nose to the grindstone but eventually becomes passable. Ironically, she's actually better at baking then cooking, because baking recipes are WAY more precise and exact and she has an easier time when she has a set of Very Exact Step By Step Instructions to follow.

On a food note, she has really bad spice tolerance…!!! Anything hotter than like, the medium spicy Golden Curry range is so far out of her strike zone it isn't even funny. Ruby is the same (a hold over from eating mostly bland food as Sarina) but Aqua really likes spicy stuff and his tolerance is really good as a result. Unfortunately, he also doesn't really realize just how high his tolerance is - it was way worse as Gorou so he keeps underestimating how hot things are. So anytime Ai is like "hey Aqua how spicy is this" he's like "oh it's not too bad" and then Ai takes a bite and dies and it takes years before they manage to figure out the differences in their tolerance LOL

She's a little clumsy…! It's a side of her people rarely see because she's so graceful and careful as an idol, but the #1 way to tell she's comfortable with someone is that they're allowed to see her being a bit of a failgirl.

I mentioned this in another ask but I like to think she gets back into video games on her hiatus… not super deep, but she grabs a cheap secondhand GBA SP and one of those carts that's like 20 puzzle games in one or something and keeps playing it even after she goes off hiatus. Since she's so busy, it's easier for her to get into things like Tetris where your play sessions don't have to be that long and there's no story to follow… anything like an RPG would be no good. Eventually one year, Aqua and Ruby pool some money and get her a jailbroken DS or something for her birthday and even though she has a bajillion games on it, she mostly still just plays Tetris………..

She really wants to be a plant mom but her schedule means that she inevitably gets so busy she forgets to water them and they end up dying and she's depresso every time…

Appearance wise, between the twins, Aqua is actually the one who looks most like her - Ruby definitely does too but grows more into her own features as she grows up, whereas Aqua still really strongly resembles Ai even once he's all grown up.

She has a ton of those influencer ass hyperspecific trendy gadgets and appliances around the house, not because she buys them but because companies keep sending them to her in hopes of getting her to promote them and she never does LOL. If she actually gets a sponsorship deal through work then she'll do it, but even then it's mostly her just hyping something up and saying she uses it every single day when 90% of the time they just end up rotting at the bottom of her drawer. Pretty much the only thing she ends up regularly using is like, toiletries and hair care products and that's just because it saves her having to shop for them but she has absolutely zero brand loyalty.

As an adult, she copies a lot of her fashion sense from Miyako! Her style leans more girly and fresh than Miyako's does but Ai doesn't really care about clothes so she never developed a sense of fashion growing up. But she knows Miyako is a pretty stylish person and looks up to her as someone to emulate fashion from. Of course, when she's incognito or chilling at home, she still always prefers her comfy hoodies and sweaters and plain, loose clothes.

Ai likes Kana a lot! This was technically canonized in the Da Vinci interview and I felt so smug when I saw it lol. But I've always thought Ai would like Kana - she sort of vicariously enjoys her cheekiness and confidence and admires her drive and her passion and craft at such a young age. When Kana joins B-Komachi, Ai sort of recognises how much of her fire has gone out and its immediately like free daughter??? Free daughter for Hoshino Ai???? She and Mem also get along really well but because they're closer in age, the dynamic is more friendly coworkers whereas she and Kana have a more senpai/kouhai surrogate mom figure thing going on.

she's our strongest aqukana warrior btw

Aaaand finally… If Ai had ever found out about Aqua and Ruby's past lives, she would have loved and accepted them all the same. If anything, knowing just how terribly alone and starved of care they both were would have encouraged her to make sure they felt loved, safe and accepted as her kids. After all, Ai, too, is a "motherless child" as Tsukuyomi describes the twins - she'd absolutely understand.

[sapphic-agent]

Can you please get into how much the fandom demonizes Rei? Like, I’m not disagreeing that she wasn’t the best mother. But people really turn this woman (who is financially, socially, AND emotionally dependent on her husband and Clan!) into some abusive mother who WANTED to burn Shoto’s face! When it’s obvious that she was begging her mother to take her away from the house because she was too stressed out from Endeavor’s influence and Touya’s death!

I don’t know, I just think she’s not a perfect mother, but nobody can be a perfect mother. She clearly did her best with what she had, and who would’ve believed her if she said Endeavor was an abusive husband and father? The police? Other heroes? No! I bet Endeavor would’ve claimed that SHE was the terrible parent and that she was suffering from PPSD (which, she probably was, four kids, two of which were born when Endeavor started getting obsessed with overcoming All Might? She definitely had that) and she would’ve ended up in the hospital no matter what.

Let's talk about it😈

So I was actually skimming through the manga where Shoto mentions this. He says that his mother was pushed and pushed by Endeavor until she just broke. And I love this because Shoto understands that his mom was in a shitty situation and never intended to hurt him. Unlike this shitty fandom, he's aware enough to see who was the abuser and who was the one who made a mistake.

Let's go over Rei's past for a minute. She:

Grew up in an environment that was at the best neglectful and at the worst abusive

Was sold like an object (and yes this is canon, the Himura Clan canonically sells their children it was a forced marriage, not an arranged marriage)

Married Endeavor and had Touya at 18

Already, she was dealt a shitty hand. Endeavor is also four years older than her, so he was 22 while she was only barely an adult. Even outside her being bought by him, there's a huge power imbalance here. Even if he was polite and nice in the beginning, she was at a major disadvantage in their "relationship."

One of my gripes with Horikoshi and the later parts of the manga is the retcon of the Todoroki past. How Shoto tells the story and how it's portrayed later are very different.

In Shoto's version, Endeavor hit Rei for defending him from Endeavor. In the Touya flashback, she tripped. In Shoto's version, Endeavor only saw his children as means to an end. In the Touya flashback, he's portrayed as caring about them. In Shoto's version, there's a menacing and villainous aura surrounding Endeavor. In the Touya flashback he's portrayed normally.

And this is done to make Endeavor look more sympathetic. Which is bad not only because he was an abuser who doesn't deserve sympathy, it also antagonizes Touya and Rei in the process.

(People could argue that Shoto's love for his mother and young age make him an unreliable narrator. But to me this is dismissing the victim. Shoto might have been young, but he recalls enough to tell it in excruciating detail. It was a huge part of his life and writing it off like that does him a disservice)

So there are two instances specifically that people demonize Rei for.

1. Shoto's Burn

Now this is the one that is her responsibility. My thing is though... No one ever said it wasn't? Least of all Rei herself. Once she saw Shoto again, she immediately apologized. During the event itself, she realized what she did and broke down and tried to fix it. She also spent 10 years in asylum paying for what she did (which is more consequence than Endeavor faced btw).

The thing no one seems to acknowledge about this is that this didn't come from nowhere. She didn't do what she did out of cruelty or hatred towards her son. She did it because Endeavor had abused her to the point of insanity. To the point where even seeing them in her kids' faces caused her to have a complete mental breakdown. Which is understandable due to the physical, verbal, financial, and sexual abuse he was putting her through.

You know, there's an irl story like this. A woman was suffering from severe PPD and other mental issues after having four kids I think it was. Doctors and everyone repeatedly told her husband that she souldn't have more kids. He didn't listen (I'm not sure if SA was involved here but I'm inclined to believe it was) and they continued to have more. Eventually one day she snapped and killed her children.

PPD is seriously dangerous when it's left untreated, even worse when that isn't the only thing going on. Rei was no doubt suffering from the ramifications of that, but on top of everything else Endeavor out her through I can't believe she didn't break earlier.

2. Touya's Situation

It baffles that people find it in themselves to blame Rei but feel sympathy towards Endeavor over Touya.

Because on top of every instance of abuse I mentioned above, Rei was also taking care of four kids completely by herself. That would be hard even without her own and Touya's mental issues.

From the manga panel I provided, she was the only one between her and Endeavor taking Touya's mental well-being seriously. She knew how having more kids would affect him and she was right. She was the one who had to deal with Touya lashing out when Endeavor ignored him (which also contributed to her breaking down and burning Shoto due to Touya emulating Endeavor).

Rei is a character who's been judged so unfairly. Partly because Endeavor fanboys, partly because Dabi/Shoto fangirls, and completely because of the misogyny that runs rampant in this fandom. She deserved so much better.

I have a fic giving Rei the justice she deserves if anyone's interested. It features my OC who happens to be Rei's quirkless younger sister. Give it a read if you want

[gamebunny-advance]

A Tale From My Youth

I was thinking recently that it's weird that I'm not a furry.

I like furries well enough, but I don't consider myself one, the same way I don't consider myself an otaku even though I like anime. I'm just not that entrenched in the culture, but I do appreciate it from the outside.

Why I think it's weird, is that in my earliest years of being a young artist on the internet, most of what I drew was anthro animals. Specifically hamsters with emo haircuts. If I could somehow retrieve my ancient art from Scratch, then I'd show y'all, but since I can't, here's my rough approximation of what they were like:

I don't remember her name, but I'm almost certain that this was what my first "official" OC looked like. Most of my OCs were just "this" but with different clothes and hairstyles, usually inspired by vocaloid songs or whatever media was popular around the early to mid 2000s. They all lived on a different planet filled with hamster (and cat) people.

Anyway, I was thinking recently about why I didn't become a furry despite this, and I think the answer is a little sadder than I expected.

As a kid, I didn't consume a lot of media with POC in them. As I mentioned before, I like anime, and that really started in my youth. I was very inspired by the unique artstyle and my dad bought me (well really himself) a few how-to-draw manga books. But I never really saw POC in them or the games I played.

You couldn't be tan in Animal Crossing without standing out in the sun during summer. Mario and friends were all white or a creature of some kind. Pajama Sam was blue. Even when I did see tan-skinned characters in anime, they were usually mean or evil characters. I was under the impression that dark skinned characters were basically not allowed to exist in the things I liked unless they were mean people. And I didn't want to make mean people. None of this was helped by my parents.

My dad who was a self-hating black man. Even though he was also a hobby-artist, he rarely drew black characters himself, and since I was emulating him at the time, I also didn't.

My mom is Filipina, so she passed her own culture onto me and tried to ignore my blackness where she could. She didn't know how to style black hair, or know that much about black culture, so it's not like she would notice or care that I wasn't embracing that side of myself.

I think I made a lot of anthro characters because 1) I wasn't quite comfortable with drawing people yet, and 2) they didn't have to be white. They were still all white or otherwise Japanese coded because anime, but I don't think I was really considering the implications of that. I was already consuming a lot of media with anthro characters, (Loony Tunes, Animal Crossing, Hamtaro, etc.) so it seemed natural to me to also make animal characters, but somehow unnatural to make a black character.

The only character I remember being explicitly black coded was a single cat that I made.

This is Bel-Bel, named after her two bells. She's a sweet, shy, and timid character that felt very self-conscious about being a cat in a hamster world. I don't remember the full story, but as I recall: when she was a baby, she was put in a basket in the ocean that floated to the hamster continent. She was taken in by another OC called Chibi, on account of her being very small even though she was one of the oldest residents, who helped take care of her until she grew up. I don't recall if all cats were meant to be evil in their world, but I do remember that most of the other hamsters were either scared of her or mean to her because she was a cat, so she cried a lot. Chibi would hit anyone that was mean to Bel-Bel with her giant hammer.

The implications of that story are kind of telling in hindsight, but I don't think I thought that much of it at the time. I was probably just emulating some other story I had heard, but I wasn't really thinking about why a story like that would resonate with me.

I created several other anthro character like that until I finally moved from Scratch to deviantART and decided that I would need an avatar to represent me. From what I saw at the time, everyone that I liked had an anime styled avatar/self-insert, and I wanted to be the same.

This is what I came up with:

This is Nekoko. She's a shy artist with a magical cat hat. This was, for all intents and purposes, supposed to be me. I think that even this early on the internet, I already knew that racism was a big problem, so I was scared of presenting myself as a black girl on the internet.

Eventually, I would become comfortable with making it known that I was a POC, so I started to depict myself as such.

(This one is legit old art)

But I would still bounce back and forth between using a human avatar and an anthro bunny. Sometimes even making combinations of the two as I tried to figure out how I wanted to present myself on the internet. Because even though I was dabbling in being more "honest" about myself, I don't think I was fully ready to fully commit to it.

I think after I finally reached adulthood and started to really understand myself that I felt comfortable with just being as I am. I was tired of apologizing for the things I had no control over, and just wanted to be "me". By this point, I stopped seeing animal characters as a way to mask my identity, and just thought of it as just another design choice. For me, furryism has never really been about the "fandom." For me, it was tied to identity, and it's one that was able to shed once I became more comfortable with myself.

I still think it's rad as hell to see cool animal people doing whatever weird animal people things they like to do, but that's just not something I need for myself, and so I don't consider myself a furry.

I wonder, in this age of more diverse media, if there are still kids that are currently going through what I went through. I really hope not. I hope that all kids can see themselves in the things they like and can believe that they can be a part of it if they want to be.

[kimium]

For the fun things ask: 1, 4, 11, 24 and 30!💜💜💜

(From this ask HERE)

Thank you so much for this ask!! I always love answering, especially when the asks are from you, friend! Under a cut because it's long!

Fun Questions to Be Asked

What are three things you'd say shaped you into who you are?

There are many things, of course, that have shaped me into who I am. Narrowing it down to three things is tough, but I think I have it.

Anime/Manga

This one feels like a given, but truly, I don't know where or who I'd be without anime/manga in my life. Two of the earliest shows I remember watching as a child were Sailor Moon and Pokemon. The stars truly aligned for me as I was the exact age demographic for them. I cannot tell you how much I adored those shows as a child. They were everything to me and opened me up to a world of TV I still watch and cherish. They remain cornerstones to my friendships and I would not change that for anything.

Video Games - particularly Pokemon and Fire Emblem

Adding onto my prior point, it only seems natural to talk about my love of video games. As stated, Pokemon was one of my earliest shows as a child, but one I didn't stick around with for too long. I fell off watching Pokemon midway through the Johto arc as I grew up. However, what remained with me were the video games.

Like any child, when Pokemon first came out I wanted to play the video games due to my neighbour receiving Pokemon Red as a birthday gift. Within a month my parents bought me Pokemon Yellow and thus my world opened to video games.

However, I have to credit the continual love of video games not just to my Gameboy and GBA games but also my neighbour. While I was stuck with handheld consoles, he also had a NES and later a GameCube. This is where my love of other video games such as Kirby, Super Smash Bros., Pokemon Stadium, and Harvest Moon grew.

But nothing made more of an impact on me than Fire Emblem. I still remember sitting in his basement, watching him play Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn. I remember us restarting over when a character died because that was when FE only had Traditional Mode.

Now, I am certain that I would have found FE eventually, but it's this memory of me and my neighbour that sits at the core of me and makes these games extra special. No matter which FE game I play and love, at the end of the day there is always a part of me that longs to return to that basement with my neighbour and play FE PoR and RD.

My Neighbour

This one is going to get a little heavy, but I'll try to keep it vague.

Above all, the neighbour I grew up with is someone I'll always treasure and hold dear in my heart. There are too many carefree, happy memories with him. I already mentioned video games, but our lives intersected beyond a shared interest. We did almost everything together and spent countless hours in each other's presence. The secrets I know about him and the secrets he knows about me are vast and endless.

I also have some sad memories. I can still see the saddest one in my mind. The regret I feel now because I was too young to fully understand, but we all were at that time.

These memories all hold a special place in my heart and without a doubt shaped me into who I am today.

4. What's an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

I have so many inside jokes but one of my top favourite inside jokes of all time is "Beaky/Beak Boy". I am still not over the fact I was so confident that my mom would remember the name Giovanni (Fire Force). Instead what I got was her only remembering him by the name "Beaky/Beak Boy".

11. What do you consider to be romance?

In general I think romance is when you do and share things you love with the people you love. There doesn't need to be some grand or expensive gesture. So long as it's done out of admiration and love, that's romantic to me. It's the "I was thinking of you messages" or the "I want to cook/bake for you". It's the hugs and snuggles at the end of the long day. It's the considerate "Do you want me to do this for you?". It's the teasing and the jokes. Or it's the "I know had an argument but that's just what happens in relationship and at the end I love you always".

Acceptance, love, and admiration: that's what's romance!

However if I'm talking about dating specifically I think nothing is more romantic than when you're doing a fun activity together. Things like going to galleries, museums, or a play/live theatre, cooking/baking together, and going to some fun public event are all optimal date activities to me.

24. What's one thing you're proud of yourself for?

I'm proud of myself for working up the courage all those years ago to post my fanfiction to AO3. I remember being so nervous and worried at the beginning but it's been one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

30. What's one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

Book shopping with friends. I think that's the best activity to do in the world with those you cherish. It's also a top tier date idea for me like "Oh, let's have lunch and then book shop" uh, marry me??

[northwest-cryptid]

I don't collect many things, but of the things I do collect I think the most surreal is physical Mabinogi merch.

To explain Mabinogi is an MMORPG that came out in 2008 and I've been playing it ever since beta. I'd argue it has plenty of charm and enough reason even now in 2023 for anyone with even some slight interest in it to give it a shot however to me (and to my partner) it has a special place. Not only is it how my partner and I met, but it's literally a game I have played for 15 years now; considering I'm 28 that's over half my entire life.

As you might imagine back in middle school and even early high school I didn't really have a lot of money, let alone the understanding of how to order things from overseas. So a very niche MMORPG didn't necessarily have a lot of merch out and about. While most kids at my school had Pokémon backpacks or some kind of Anime plastered on their shirt (normally Naruto or Dragonball) I never had physical merch. So I was always that annoying kid who had to verbally tell you how much I liked my dumb special interest.

To give you an idea of how much this game was a part of my life, my mother once bought me an actual copy of the Mabinogion, like; the book that the game is loosely based on, it's entirely in Welsh and my mom also gave me a dictionary to translate it, I was stoked about this; I was in early high school walking around with a black book with a red symbol on the front speaking in Welsh as you can imagine this did not make me popular and cool.

Now my partner and I collect actual official merch, just last year we acquired a few magazines, guide books, and even manga. It's incredible to behold such a snapshot of time from when this was all still new and popular.

This is a guide book from back when the slogan for the game was still "fantasy life" it would later become "anime life" and a few other things; but this is the one I remember from my childhood:

We were really excited to look through this and translate it, more over we were taken aback by the system requirements listed in the guide book, I mean just check out these specs!

The funniest part is that there was a time at which I was getting a new laptop because I had to travel and I specifically gave the guy at Bestbuy this almost exact rundown for the specs I needed. This was of course because my plan was to install Mabi on it, which I did. However I had a hard time explaining to anyone why I wanted these sort of specs specifically without saying "uh so I can play an extremely niche online game from Korea?"

We also got books that were literally Item and databooks which had full lists of items you could obtain in the game as well as what races and genders could use them:

This was an absolute trip down nostalgia lane for us.

I cannot stress just how cool it was to flip through these pages and go "oh shit I had those, oh I remember that! Remember this? Yea it was from an event, damn that was a long time ago; oh god I'm old."

It's crazy to see just how much detail and effort went into these! I didn't even know they existed, if I was aware of these back in school I'd have gone ballistic over them like, check this out there's entire pages dedicated to Generation 1:

of course the merch pages caught our eye looking over all the stuff we have yet to hunt down for our collection

These books are great and I personally love the manga, illustrations of the world that I've only ever seen as low poly PMGs is such a sight to behold as a long time fan.

However you may notice something, there's not a ton of physical merch. Sure there's books and manga, and it seems like at one point there were standees and a few figures, posters, and mugs; but these days getting your hands on the rarer merch can be difficult and not to mention expensive.

That's sort of why we excitedly took matters into our own hands, slowly and methodically recreating the game's PMG models as OBJs we can actually print from our 3D printer. It's not easy but it's totally worth it.

I know this probably sounds REALLY stupid to you, and I wouldn't blame you for laughing at me for it; but the fact that I have played this game for 15 years; and today I held a 3D printed figure of a Golem in my fucking hands has me feeling a certain kind of way that's hard to explain. Knowing I could print figures of our characters, our favorite NPCs, not to mention entire dungeons and create dioramas of our favorite places from a game that means so much to me is genuinely mind boggling.

I think the part of all this that still has me in disbelief is that if you asked me what I wanted when I was a depressed 16 year old in school who came home and immediately jumped on Mabi; I'd 100% tell you that I just want to live alone with a partner who enjoyed Mabi and maybe a few cats. Now I'm 28 living with a partner who I not only met via this game but who is actually significantly better than me at it lol; we also have 3 cats and our home is slowly but surely being decorated with more and more Mabinogi crafts. I don't mean to sound like my life revolves around this game, though I admit I do laugh when my partner breaks out her signature slogan of "Mabinogi is Real Life" but I guess in a sense it just feels like I've fucking made it you know? I did it, I finally got the life I was longing for and while it may not feel real; every day this sort of thing happens makes it a littler harder to deny that I'm living the dream. I'm far from rich and I'm far from healthy; and I don't exactly have a great career or anything sure, but I think 16 year old me would be happy with the way I turned out.

[typingdyslexiaisathing]

Too Much Hassle (Obey Me!) fanfic

summary; This particular MC hates Valentine's Day. But will put up with the chaos to keep the best boys smiling. However. The end of the day has them seeking isolation. With Leviathan.

characters: Marzena OC/MC, Leviathan.

content: romance overload, frustrated MC, casual fluff

I was going to lose my mind soon. The past two weeks had been nothing but holiday prep and gushing over Valentine's Day. The holiday I absolutely hate. But I didn't have a way to explain why without hurting all those happy and smiling people that wanted to gift me their love. So I had been putting on a neutral mood to go with the flow.

But the day of had been absolute chaos and constant chocolate gifting. I had not even gotten to sleep in. Since Asmodeus had woken me up for a pre-breakfast spa treatment. The fruit scents helped a ton. But by the time we finished with the after dinner party, I was about to rip into someone verbally or physically or both. Lucifer took the hint to tell his brothers to let me go to bed early. Beelzebub giving me a bear hug before I walked away to thank me for the small mountain of various snacks I had been sure to gift him. Which felt good, but didn't help my brain much. So I did the only thing I could do afterwards. I walked up to the second floor and texted Leviathan to unlock his door.

The door was slightly open when I got to Leviathan's room. Which I was so glad for I just walked right in to then close it. The shut in otaku looking up from his computer to ask me, "Did you come by to borrow that new manga?" I shook my head to just drop my ass next to his chair and shudder. Which had Leviathan pause to then turn off his current game. "Marzena? Are you okay?" I shook my head to hug my knees. "Overloaded... Too much everything..." Leviathan went wide eyed at the realization of what I meant. So he grabbed up the fuzzy blanket I had bought him to drop it over me. Which helped so much before he tuned on some soft techno music. His frame soon settling beside me as I heaved a sigh of relief. His tail lacing around my middle as he huffed. "I keep forgetting that you have anti-normie tendencies like me. But you get so popular around these holiday celebrations. I keep assuming you like it."

I gave a snort before I finally told the truth. "Levi. I hate this holiday. Valentine's Day is a load of absolute garbage. Ever since I was a preschool kid. My school always had us make a big deal out of this stupid holiday. Made the kids craft up shoeboxes that we decorated to get little cards. But every year... My box either got trashed or it just went missing. The one card I got the kid said his mom made him give it to me. Then the jerk ripped it in half and threw it away on me."

Leviathan goes so quiet he stops breathing. My eyes watering as I rubbed at them and continued. "I got asked out on dates. Then got stood up or saw my date was with someone else. That one group date turned out to be so everyone might show off they were a couple and I got sidelined. I hate this holiday so damn much, Levi. If people are supposed to show the ones they love how they feel, then they need to do it like it's a day to day important thing. Not make up some dumbass holiday for it." A quiet pause has me think that someone else heard me outside of Leviathan's room. But I don't get the chance to think on that when Leviathan sweeps me into a tight hug. Moving the blanket so he can look me in the face. "Tell me their names... Every one of them... I will hack their socials and ruin their lives... Bank accounts drained and jobs lost... I will ruin them for every tear you've ever cried.... Heartless bastards...!"

The fact that it was Leviathan saying this had me look to him in surprise. Only to see something I never expected from him. Pure and barely held molten hate and fury for me. His demon form out in full as he gave growls every time he breathed to have his muscles tight. Which was honestly the most impactful thing to see. So I blinked a few times to then feel a lot of my stress melt off me. My arms coming around Leviathan's waist as he gave a surprised squeak. "That's the most romantic showing of love I have yet to see. Crazy as that sounds. It was real and completely just for me based on feelings of love. Best Valentine ever."

Leviathan went rigid to yelp and stammer. But he soon realized how happy I was to blush and hug me tighter. His anger popping like a bubble to be replaced with the fluff heart of gold that was his true self. "Crap. Now you got me all flustered and mushy feeling. Natural twenty critical hit, Marzena. Cripes, my heart is gonna pop if you keep this up." I gave a huff of a laugh to nuzzle my nose to his and hum at him. "Silly nerd. You got my heart doing the salsa right back. So it's mutual, Lev. Also. I know you got me that strawberry ice cream mochi that is hidden in the freezer. You win first prize in that bet Mammon has about what my favorite treat is. So you get to rub that in his face."

Leviathan gives a happy snicker before he nudges us over to his tv and the pile of cushions I set up for him to game on top of. The two of laying down on our stomachs with the blanket over us to start up Devil Kart. With Leviathan saying with confidence, "Full tournament race. Then we sneak down to get said snack."

[adhesive-king]

if there's one thing you're not good at, it's anything in the kitchen. cooking, baking, prepping; you're bad at it all. so bad in fact that you require supervision when you want to cook or bake! but it's sero's birthday and you want to make it special..

you enlist the help of your mom (by begging with big puppy dog eyes for her help) and spend the weekend working on the cake. the first one was a fail but thankfully, the second one was perfect! you carefully put it into a container and walk so cautiously back to the dorm.

it doesn't take long for you to find him, smiling wide as ever with braces on full display as you hold out the box for him to take. inside is a tres leches cake with a variety of fruit on the top and everything was made using gluten free products out of caution. even the fruit was organic and the chocolate curls were vegan!

once he takes the box, you sing a very out of tune rendition of the classic happy birthday song while clapping. reaching out, you pinch his cheeks and make obnoxious kissy noises as you do. "happy birthday! i-i won't smash your face into the cake, e-even if i kinda want to. it's a tres leches cake t-that me and my mom made. i-i hope that it's okay.. if you d-don't like it, i'll buy a cake! um."

you pull out a small notebook from your pocket. the notebook has a sweet note on the first page written by you. "here's this too. it's j-just to have on hand in case you want to use it. i-it, well. it feels a bit silly now but i-i don't know.. i guess i wanted us to match. i-it's a bit nerdy, huh?" [birfday ask from izuku mwah i love u both

Sero's Birthday Bonanza!!!

@4heart with Birthday Wishes!!!

Hanta was used to having rather chill and uneventful birthdays. Not to say that his dads and his brother didn't put in effort to making the day special, but it was always something lowkey. A store bought cake and a little celebration in the kitchen with some of his favorite foods. Maybe going out to dinner at a restaurant of his choice with a nice gift waiting at the end. They were intimate and special moments, always a gentle kind of experience. It's what he loved most about them.

Living at the dorms, he thought to himself, that other than the well wishes, it was going to be much more quiet than he was used to even with how lowkey celebrations always were. He was chilling in the common room, taking up a majority of the couch with his lanky figure and reading a manga he had borrowed from his dorm neighbor.

When Midoriya walked in with a box, he sat up to offer some help but before he could even say anything he had deftly realized the box was for him. He grinned, his own bright orange braces peeking out from behind his lips and shining in the shared light of their joy. He peeks under the lid and his smile somehow becomes impossibly wider seeing the cake and despite the out of tune singing and the quite painful (watch your strength Midoriya) pinches to his cheek it doesn't at all damper his happiness and excitement. Midoriya had put in all this effort to do something so kind for him, a homemade cake of all things, and how could Hanta ever be anything but filled with an overwhelming glee and adoration for his friend?

The notebook is the last straw and Hanta can't help but, carefully as to not harm the cake, practically throw himself over the back of the couch to wrap his friend in a hug, even pulling him down slightly into the cushions as a barrage of kisses to the top of his head strikes down.

"It's perfect! The cake is perfect, the notebook is perfect. Thank you!"

[raeloganthesonic06fangirl]

Not a prank exactly, but lemme tell you about the time a kid in my high school class managed to give me $50 without knowing it.

See, when I was a little kid, I was sort of trained by my birth mother to scope out coins on the ground when we were homeless, so my eyes were trained on shiny discs and folded green paper for the longest time. By the time my Mom ((grandmother who adopted me)) got custody of me, it was already a habit that was hard to break, so I'd chase after dropped coins to either give back to the person who dropped them or keep them if they didn't want them.

This also would happen at school.

One kid thought it was absolutely hilarious that I'd chase after pennies and nickels, and he started throwing them any chance he got. Thought it was a riot, and would laugh at exploiting what was essentially a tic I had for a while. The whole year, he'd throw coins on the floor in front of me and I'd get out of my seat to pick them up and ask if he wanted them back.

He didn't want them because "It's just pennies, what am I going to do with them??"

Everyone heard him say that. The teacher heard him say that. He absolutely gave me the okay to keep whatever he throws from then on. Alright, cool.

This continues for months. I would pocket the coins and drop them in a jar I had on my dresser, because I was saving money for some spending cash at Comic Con after having spent my Christmas money on a ticket half a year in advance. I was a teenager who didn't have a job, so my means of funds was usually just birthday or Christmas money I would ration out for specific fun things I really wanted, coins I saved, occasion tasks I'd earn up a little from, or just taking old stuff to the game store for in store credit to trade in. It was pretty cool back then, I got a rare Pilot Episode DVD of Samurai Jack for a buck once because the dollar store has some hidden gems if you dig through hard enough.

Anyway, this guy kept throwing coins at me, laughing and even getting other people to watch.

I kept picking up coins.

Finally, the last day of school comes for summer vacation, and it's just a month away from Comic Con, so I decided to bring the jar to class. He laughs at this awkward and heavy jar, which was an old glass candy jar with a strip of blue masking tape and "Fun Fund" written in sharpie on it.

I set the jar down smugly, and tell him "Hey, thanks for the $50, I really needed this for my trip to the Con next month."

I swear, his face dropped a few shades when he realizes that he just threw out half of a Ben Franklin's worth of cash this whole time. He starts getting mad and demanding I give it back to him.

"Nuh uh, you said I could keep it all."

"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT'S HOW MUCH IT WAS!"

The whole class and even the teacher agreed that yes, because he said I could keep it all when I asked several times over the year if he wanted it back, so it was definitely mine now.

Kid learned a $50 lesson that day.

I bought a Viz Media bag, a Kingdom Hearts manga, a Naruto headband, a King Ghidorah plush and four Sonic comic books at Comic Con that year

Best slow burn revenge I did, and probably my 2nd best revenge moment in school.

[bewitchingbaker]

childhood memories: 5 years old.

Chris's eyes are drawn from his guitar and to Beth at his bookshelf. A small smile spreads across his face. His collection wasn't as impressive Beth and admittedly he was a little shy about the amount of vintage shojo manga (his favorite was always Fruits Basket) that was nestled between the various superhero themed comics.

Organized in alphabetical order with not a single spine out of shape. One could easily spot rarities by the plastic book covers (he'd be damned if someone lost his signed copy of Dangerous Habits). But amidst the various novels and comics, one could spot photos from his younger years.

A photo of a teenage Chris B boy posing with Jess behind a kitchen counter could be found on the third shelf. On the third shelf near Deadpool issues, one could see Chris holding an accordion and wearing a bowling-style button-up to match the older members of the band.

But at the very top of his book shelf were two action figures.

Storm, in her 90's cartoon iteration, standing right next to the black power ranger, Zack.

Both are in mint condition, of course.

He leans up from the couch once she asks about them.

"Oh those? I'm surprised I haven't told you this story," He smiles. "Those were the from the great Friday of 2000."

A nostalgic smile spreads across his face.

"My dad was a huge comic nerd, Xmen being his favorite team cause of Storm. So when he saw the trailer for the movie, that's all he would talk about. Mom was excited but she wasn't into Storm's casting at the time and Jess wanted to see Wolverine. Now mom wanted to wait until Sunday cause...well it's a day off and she had papers to grade."

A laugh.

"But ol Kenneth Luna was not patient. So he stayed up with mom to get her student's projects graded on top of doing a top-tier performance at work. So come Friday, he picked us up at like 3 on the dot for the early afternoon showing and boy was he excited. I'll be honest, I had no idea what was going on as I was like 5. I just saw bright colors from Cyclops optic blasts and Storm flying and I was excited."

The action figure soon began to levitate around before landing in his hands.

"I think I said something like 'That's mom! that's mom!' cause she was so cool and mom thought that was the funniest thing. Once the movie was over, we went to the mall for dinner. Since the movie was out, the local toy store had all their X-men toys on display so of course I wanted one."

It isn't long before Zack floats into his hand.

"The Halle Berry action figure was cool but it wasn't as cool as this one," he says holding up Storm. "There wasn't a flowing cape, the hair and the accurate look were much better. Plus, my parents wanted me and Jess to have toys that look like us. Since my dad was hyped off seeing his favorite comic brought up, he bought me Zack and Jess a bunch of Mad Magazines. Probably explains why Jess can be a little unhinged."

He laughs before sighing.

"I know we're pushing 30 but I can't let these two go, they were my first toys from such a good day. There's no way I can get rid of them, they're just too cool."

A blush fills those chubby cheeks.

"I know it sounds a little dorky..."

[ @brooklynislandgirl ]

[rumielisapublicspeaker]

Sailor Moon - Episode 1

So, my first anime I shall review is Sailor Moon! My friend recently reviewed it as they finished their watch of the first series and it has convinved me to watch the show. Yes I spoilt the entire series for myself by reading the review and oof... big reveals.

I will also likely update every ten episodes or so, or when I finsih a show.

So, as a courtesy, from here on out is spoilers.

SPOILERS I SAY!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, as a first episode, I would say it is a 7, as I really like the characters and I think the premise is exceptionally cute!

I love that Usagi actually feels like a teenager going through life rather than these ridiculous sexualised fantasies that anime has become nowadays. It's one of my biggest icks in anime nowadays. Let kids be kids ffs! Thankfully the manga artist and writer is based and actually knows how to write women and girls. Truly refreshing (⸝⸝⸝• ω •⸝⸝⸝) ♡

Anyway, yeah, I feel like Usagi is my spirit animal at the moment, crying at the slightest inconvenience and always wanting to sleep. Oh and yeah, she has a cat who is Luna who is BASED and I really like the design.

I actually love the classic 90s anime vibe that Akira created the most, and I think it's truly shown off the power of old anime. I miss the old aesthetic. Tbf, apart from Ghibli, I grew up on crunchy anime VHS tapes my dad got me, and most of them were in Spanish (lol) so this is extremely nostalgic to little me.

ANYWAY - Enough tangents - Usagi, adorable. I have a feeling the crying might be a bit annoying, however I can fully relate to every time she cried in the first episode, especially when she got kicked out for having a low grade (╥﹏╥) that truly is the worst... When her crying saved the day though, I just found that funny.

I'm not sure what to think of Naru thus far, but she seems cool. Tough luck her mother turning out to be a super villain though...

I DO NOT LIKE UMINO HE IS A SNITCH AND A RAT AND HE DESERVES TO FAIL AN EXAM!!! But also, bruh wtf why you tell her mother???

Usagi's mother (don't remember her name) is currently my favourite character. She is hilarious and reminds me of my own mother. I cannot wait to see more of her. Also yes, my favourite characters ten to be the moms and the goth mommys. What can I say, I have taste.

Usagi's brother? (Also don't know his name) I have no opinion on. He's a bit annoying.

Masked guy with rose? Idk his deal but I'm not sure I like him. Usagi immediately started falling for him so I don't know if I can like him. I don't usually like love interests.

VILLAIN OF THE WEEK -

loved her! who doesn't love a woman selling jewellery for the sole purpose of stealing the souls of humans to turn them into slaves for an ominous alien cult leader? I would've bought something!

Anyway, yeah that's the end of my review! thank youuuuu

[thesaintcomes]

[𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬]

– Livedoor News (2 February 2020) –

From Ballet to Musicals, the Girl Who Continues to Stand on Stage Since Her Childhood

- Hayakawa-san who is said to be in acting sector among the 4th generation of Nogizaka46, did you have any acting experience?

When I was little, I participated in a local musical during summer holidays. My mom told me that she would buy me a bicycle if I passed the audition, and I wanted that (lol). - (Lol). You participated every year, right?Yes. It was fun to make friends, hence I started to participate every year.

- I heard that you were also learning classical ballet.

That's right. My mom used to do ballet when she was little, so she already had leotards for me even before I was born. Therefore, I started learning naturally. I took a break when I was about to take the entrance exam though, but until then I had always been doing it all the time. Even after entering Nogizaka46 and coming to Tokyo, I tried to find classes and go when I have time.

- So you do like ballet.

That's the only thing that I've been doing for a long time. Therefore, rather than my actual love for it, the thought of "I've been doing it since forever, so I will just do it" played a bigger factor.

- But if you're not attracted to doing ballet, you would not be able to continue that far. What is the appeal of it?

You can face yourself when you do ballet. By seeing yourself dancing through the mirror, you can see not only how beautiful you are dancing, but also your facial expressions and movements. If you dance with a feeling that doesn't float, it will be seen in your movements. I think ballet will hone you through such experiences.

The Rivals Are Not the Others, but the "Yesterday's Self"

- After joining Nogizaka46, you won the fan-vote for 11 out of 16 performances in the 4th generation's first stage play "3-nin no Principal" and appeared in the second act. How was this experience?

After all, it was painful because it was revealed in front of me whether I was selected or not, and there was a great conflict within myself. But I think I got more than that. I realized that it was a fight against myself. - Fight against yourself?At first, I was just comparing myself to the others, such as "She is quick to remember the lines," or "She is praised." However, during that period one of the staff said, "It's a fight against yourself," and from that point on, the comparison target gradually became "my yesterday's self". It became like "Did I sing better than 'my yesterday's self'? Did I dance better than 'my yesterday's self'?" The rival is no other than my yesterday's self. I think I still think that way even after the stage play ended.

- You appeared as Sailor Mars in "Nogizaka46 Musical 'Sailor Moon' 2019". Did you know the work "Sailor Moon" well?

I knew it. Since my name is Seira, I was often called "Sailor Moon" (セーラームーン: Seeraa Muun) when I was little (LOL). However, I didn't watch the original manga nor the anime, so I bought and read the them after my appearance was decided. I actually had never read shojo manga before, so it became the first one in my life.

- Did you really enjoy it?

Yes. My feelings for the play have become very strong. During the "Principal" period, I was desperate to learn the lines, and I wasn't able to deepen my ability to play the roles*, but during the "Sailor Moon" period, I was able to concentrate on one role and pull it off for the first time. I went to Azabu Hikawa Shrine which is the model of Rei-chan (the real name of Sailor Mars)'s house, read the manga, and watched the anime. I really enjoyed the time when I prepared to play the role while talking with the other members as well.

- It's a very popular work, but how was the reaction around you?

The 4th generation members came to see me and said, "I too want to be a Sailor Mars." My genmates were like me, we were not able to stream "Sailor Moon" real time, but they watched it when the anime was re-aired. I wonder if the girls felt the same way (about me) as the Sailor Moon whom they admired back then. I was very happy.

*T/N: I assume it was because the roles of "Principal" were decided by fan-vote where the fans picked the roles they thought suit the members. The members performed on the same day after the roles were announced. Therefore, she couldn't be sure which role she had to deepen her ability on.

Selected As the Heroine of the Stage Play "Sumaho wo Otoshita Dakenanoni"

- And this time, it was decided that you will appear on the stage play "Sumaho wo Otoshita Dakenanoni". It was already made into a movie starring Kitagawa Keiko and became a hot topic. Did you watch it?

Yes. But I was scared and couldn't watch it (at first).

- (LOL).

I checked the synopsis of what the story was about, prepared my mind, and then watched it (LOL).

- How was it?

It was interesting! It wasn't the ghostly scary thing like I had imagined, so it was all fine (LOL). I'm completely addicted to it, and I'm also reading the original novel. I even read it back last night preparing for this interview. I couldn't stop reading after I started, to the point that even I still am wondering about the what's going to happen in the book next (LOL).

- Which part do you like?

It's like "I was deceived!" (LOL). Because I like figuring things out, it was really fun to think about how it was drawn from the perspectives of various people, there were thoughts like "Whose perspective is this?" Or "How would they pull it off on the stage play?" The process of finding out the truth is also very fun, so I hope I can solve the mystery alongside the audience on the stage play.

- This will be your first heroine on stage play alone, which means there are no Nogizaka46 members around.

That's right. I feel lonely ....

- I think the fact you have decided to work alone in this way means that you have expectations from the people around you. How is it?

The staff often asked, "Is it fun to work on the stage?" The 4th generation members also said, "I want to see you more on stage," so I feel very rewarded. About "Sumaho wo Otoshita Dakenanoni" too, they also said "I'll definitely go to see it," so I will work very hard to do my best.

Whether to Join Nogizaka46 or Go on to Higher Level of Education, Such a Big Choice in Life

- You joined Nogizaka46 in August 2018. What was the reason for applying for the audition in the first place?

I took the audition with a recommendation from my family.

- So you didn't want to be an idol?

I auditioned when I was in the third year of high school, but until then I was planning to go on to university. Therefore, I actually was sent to a cram school since the second year of high school.

- Were you prepared when you passed?

I wondered, "Is it okay?" "Am I really going to Tokyo alone?" "Is it okay to go on living like this?" I was thinking of going to university to study and find a typical job. I wanted a stable life (LOL).

- You literally jumped into a world that is the exact opposite of stability.

Yes …. When I thought that this decision would change my life, I was very worried that I even consulted with my homeroom teacher. After all, I can go to university later if I want to go. But then I thought, "entering Nogizaka46 can only be done now!" So I decided on this one.

- What did you think when you passed the Sakamichi Joint Audition and knew you were assigned to Nogizaka46?

I thought, "I'm glad I put it somehow." (LOL).

- So you weren't really thinking about which group you wanted to join.

I didn't know which group I would fit in. Of course, I was very happy when I knew I was assigned to join Nogizaka46!

- How was it when you first met the members?

I was overwhelmed by the aura. I still remember the first time I met them. Everyone had a really sophisticated beauty that I couldn't even put it into words anymore. I was super nervous ....

- Are you still nervous even until now?

I can speak more than before. I have more opportunities to work with my seniors, and I've gradually come to understand their personalities, also I think I'm not really a shy person since the beginning.

The Growth of Nogizaka46 Leads to My Own Growth

- It has been a year and a half since I joined Nogizaka46. I think you have had a lot of experience with singing and dancing lessons, recording CDs, shooting music videos, recording TV shows, etc. Do you feel that you have changed?

My top priority has changed somehow.

- Top priority?

It may not be very good to say, but I was thinking only about myself at first. It was something like "How can I live in this group?" Or "What am I looking for and what do I want to do?"

- Of course you would think so.

But over the past year, I've often felt that the group is building me up. I got my seniors who do things very well, and I also have a lot of media releases with my genmates. It's all thanks to the seniors who have made Nogizaka46 bigger. I'm often made aware of the fact that it's thanks to the group that I'm able to appear on the stage play "Sumaho wo Otoshita Dakenanoni". That's why I also started to think of the group as my top priority. Of course, there are times when I think about myself, but more than that, I also started thinking "I want to contribute to the group" and "If the group can grow, I can grow as well."

- Usually, people would notice something like that after a few years of working experience, but you quickly arrived at that point.

I think it's because I'm blessed with the seniors and staffs who also think that way. Nogizaka46 is filled with kind people, so I get attracted to Nogizaka46 that it has become an important existence. Over the past year, my love for the group has grown tremendously.

- Hayakawa-san was originally not familiar with idols, but what kind of profession and existence do you think idols are now after working as a member of Nogizaka46?

I think it's a profession that can make people feel positive. I like working on TV and radio, but I especially like the time when I can meet the fans directly, such as during live and theatrical performances. A good performance will make everyone smile. Seeing everyone's facial expressions makes me feel better. If I'm able to show my true self and they are happy about it, I would be happy too. I think idols are a wonderful job to create such a relationship with fans.

- What kind of fans do you have, Hayakawa-san?

They are very encouraging. I think I can do live concerts, handshake events, and works because of them. I feel really helped, so I'll do my best to give back as much as possible.

What kind of person is Seira Hayakawa?

- Finally, I would like to ask Hayakawa-san about yourself, so we have prepared a questionnaire corner.

1. Your personal current trend?

→ Soaking in the bathtub for a long time. Since I started living alone in Tokyo, it's fun to be able to occupy the bathroom by myself (laughs). It's cold now, I can warm myself up slowly.

2. What do you do on your days off?

→ Watch movies, go to ballet class, go shopping, or stay at home the whole day.

3. What do you like about your hometown Osaka?

→ A place where people are easy going and talking to each other always feels fun. After all, whenever I return to my hometown, I feel relaxed.

- But when you talk about it like this, I don't feel like you are from Osaka, including your dialect.

It's because I hide it! I'm interviewed for "Sumaho wo Otoshita Dakenanoni", so I thought I would be more like an actress if I didn't speak in the Kansai dialect (LOL).

4. What do you want to be when you are reborn?

I want to be a tree when I'm reborn. Something like camphor tree.

- A tree …? (LOL).

I want to live long. I want to see various kinds of periods. Isn't there a 1000-year-old tree? I think want to be that kind of tree.

[blazehedgehog]

Thoughts on yugioh? Or were you too old when it came out to care about it in any way?

I was kinda-sorta too old. I mean, in the circumstances I was in, I was still basically home and watching Saturday Morning Cartoons all the way up to 2005 or 2006. When the 4Kids TMNT show turned bad, that's sort of when I fell off caring about Saturday Morning stuff.

But in that sense I saw Yu-Gi-Oh as yet another mangled 4Kids dub. I didn't want to give it the time of day.

This was made worse when Viz launched Shonen Jump in North America around this time, and they started with a manga adaptation of Yu-Gi-Oh, including the part that 4Kids skipped -- before Duel Monsters took over the premise and it was more of a horror manga where a young boy was possessed by a trickster spirit that loved riddles and games of death.

And one of the very first stories is where Yugi and Anzu are held hostage by an escaped convict. The whole story is basically a laundry list of things 4Kids would never show on TV: guns, smoking, alcohol, references to gambling, etc. It ends with Yami tricking the convict with a riddle that causes him to immolate himself (and, presumably, die a horrifying, painful death).

I had enough money that I read this entire first year of Viz Shonen Jump, so I had this EXTRA hardcore sense of "Man, screw 4Kids." Without even knowing that even the "uncensored anime" version ("season zero") of this story also was also heavily sanitized.

I had some friends who were in to the actual card game, though, and to date, Yu-Gi-Oh is the only collectible card game I've ever gotten in to. My Mom bought me one of those huge starter gift boxes for Pokemon, but I never liked managing energy cards or anything like that there. Yu-Gi-Oh was a lot more simple to understand. I had YGO Virtual Desktop installed for a while, and some friends and I played a handful of games.

(Sidebar: It's killing me to see complete-in-box collectors prices for that Pokemon gift box hitting $300-$1000, given one of the last things I did before I moved away from Colorado in 2017 was break that box up and give a nephew most of the cards that were inside it. It had never been touched, otherwise. I kept some cards for myself, but it's not considered "CIB" anymore)

The most significant part of Yu-Gi-Oh in my life was the GBA game, though: World Championship Tournament 2004. This was the only version of the card game I ever truly "learned," and believe it or not, I still play it to this day. I bought an emulation portable and it's become something in my quick-play rotation.

I've put over 100 matches in to this thing. You just pick from opponents from a list of duelists, but the list expands as you accumulate wins. There's something like 40 duelists in this game and after 103 matches I've only unlocked the first eight, and I've been playing this thing for over a year now (I've put time in to it on other platforms too, mind you, but this is where I've played it most recently). Feels like the sort of game I could conceivably play forever.

(Actually, skimming the unlock requirements for new opponents, now I'm wondering if the game is glitched; I should have had more than just Weevil unlocked a long time ago).

There was a sequel, World Championship Tournament 2005, but they made the AI way harder -- I seem to remember even the most basic opponents cheat and could basically beat me on turn 1. In WCT 2004, it feels pretty fair and manageable to a YGO baby like me.

Never followed the game beyond this. To me, Duel Monsters is a game permanently frozen in 2004.

Nowadays, I appreciate the 4Kids dub a bit more. I think people sort of came around on some of their attempts at humor now that the anime community doesn't have such a chip on their shoulder about how all anime on TV is a censorship nightmare. It's easier to appreciate it for what it was.

Including how fun that Yu-Gi-Oh album was.