#my parents either don't UNDERSTAND that being with or near people and ESPECIALLY them is not in any way relaxing to me

[anaalnathrakhs]

manifesting for everyone people who love them how they want to be loved 🙏

[phoenixyfriend]

[Personal rambling about my relationship with an event of recent history. This is not meant to reflect anyone else's feelings on the subject, just my own. If you reblog, please engage in good faith.]

[TW: discussions of 9/11 and its effects]

One of the side-effects of watching a lot of videos on the topic of architecture, especially in NYC, is getting really strong, complicated feelings rising back up about 9/11.

I was living in Queens when it happened, and not yet six years old. I was young, but a few moments of the day it happened is pretty clear in my memory. I was too young and not connected directly enough to the event to really understand what was going on at the time, but it was very nearby and had very strong impacts on my life both immediately, and going forward.

(After all, I had to fly inter-continentally just to see my grandparents, and I had younger siblings. Any family from Serbia needed to apply for a visa to come over to visit us, and most of them didn't speak English. Imagine how difficult airports are, right after that, if you hadn't experienced it yourself. This doesn't apply to just New York, but it does apply to me.)

Anyway, the memories are pretty shaky but definitely there for me. I was lucky enough to not have anyone who died in the event or the aftermath, but my surroundings were pretty heavily impacted due to proximity, and I imagine there's a lot that happened that I don't remember because my parents shielded me from it.

The thing is... I was still there. I still remember it, and I feel a sense of connection to the way NYC chose to rebuild after, the ways it worked to commemorate the dead, etc. I was too young to be involved and, for a time, too distant--I lived in Colorado for six years, starting '07.

It's still the city that's defined much of my life, either while living in it or living on LI, which isn't NYC but is in its shadow in all ways. I've lived in or near NYC for over half my life.

So when I look at New Yorkers reacting to the event or commemorations of it, I get it. New Yorkers erecting monuments and having strong feelings about 9/11 makes sense. Of course the people who live here and were directly hit by it have strong opinions! It was a major event! Of course city residents went feral with anger when a random luxury housing unity tried to build higher than One World Trade Center. You don't just... choose to be larger than a building that was designed to commemorate one of the greatest tragedies in the city's recent history, especially not when that building's height is already symbolic, being exactly 1776ft tall at the spire.

It might seem stupid, but I get it. I understand why NYC residents were furious at the idea, given how contentious the supertalls already are.

I understand why, over twenty years on, the rebuilding is still ongoing. I understand why 2, 5, and the Perelman Performing Arts Center have taken so long, and are still years away from completion. Nobody wants to get this wrong.

And the reason it gets so complicated is because there's this stark difference to my feelings on how the average American, and also some New Yorkers, it's true, might use 9/11 as a tragedy to fuel their racism and xenophobia and jingoistic warmongering.

This isn't my tragedy, for all that I was in its shadow, saw the smoke rising and felt the echoes of it across my childhood. I didn't lose anyone in the attack or the aftermath, and I wasn't part of a minority group targeted in its wake. I was only ever on the fringes... but it was still my city, you know?

When I was in high school, I lived in Colorado. We were discussing the difference between primary, secondary, and tertiary sources in class. The teacher used 9/11 as an example, saying that everyone in the room was a secondary source, because we were alive and saw the events unfolding on television, but we weren't there, just getting the information secondhand from the news.

I raised my hand, and said I lived in New York at the time, just across the river, and the teacher acknowledged that I was significantly closer as a source than most of the class.

I don't call myself a primary source on this. I wasn't even six, yet. My memories have faded with time, and I wasn't as close as many were.

But there's still a pride in NYC and in the rebuilding, in the way that the city bounced back. It's not so much about the architecture and rebuilding, for all that its symbolism is important and meaningful in its own right. It's more about the smaller businesses that were impacted by the destruction of a large section of the financial district, the local delis and bodegas, the hot dog carts at Bowling Green, and the wider economy hit by the ripples of the event, which definitely did affect everything in the metro area, not just the immediate surroundings.

So it's not my tragedy, really, but it is New York's.

And there's a specific kind of distaste and rage in me when I see it co-opted. When I see the average American call it 'our' tragedy. 'The nation's' tragedy.

It's not. It's not yours to use for your violence and hate for what you call Other.

I don't feel suspicion when New Yorkers hold on to the symbolism of the event, and snap back at corporate interests that try to disrespect the memory of it. This is New York's tragedy, and it makes sense for New Yorkers to feel strongly about it.

I sure as hell suspect everyone else that tries to claim it, though.

[rainofthetwilight]

AND FINALLY HERE IS A SMALL MASTERPOST FOR THE HELLSPAWN WALKER SIBLINGS!!

I present to you, Jenna and Ethan :DD

(also since you asked to be tagged, @alizibtheterrible)

(pssst, here are the ref sheets for these kiddos)

-

before I get into anything, here are my timelines in this AU:

2 years between moto and season 11, atleast 5 months between s11 and s12, 5 more months between s12 and s13, 4 months between s13 and the island, a month between the island and s15, canonically a year between s15 and crystallized, 2 years between crystallized and the merge, 5 years between the merge and the events of DR

and jenna and ethan's ages during these times:

jenna: a year old during s11, almost two years old during s13, turned three a while after nya left, four during crystallized, six when the merge happened, and 11 in current time

ethan: a year old when the merge happened, and 6 in current time

I..know it's probably confusing, but I can attempt to explain more if you don't understand!

my fic for these two is currently being rewritten!!

and now, time to ramble abt the kids!! (warning, VERY long)

their full names are: Jenna Edna Lilly Walker and Ethan Ed Raymond Walker (you can guess who was named after who)

jenna was born just a year after moto, and ethan was born also a year after crystallized!

and from that, the age difference between them is 5 years

jenna inherits jay's powers, and ethan inherits nya's

ethan has ADHD and lacks good social skills due to being surrounded by only 2 people for most of his childhood, while jenna has anxiety, trust issues and some slight ptsd

oh and I can't forget to sprinkle the t r a u m a on them both

they have a good dynamic and bicker normally like siblings always do, but jenna sometimes needs to have her alone time and hates when anyone bothers her so she can snap at any time

while ethan is sensitive and cant control himself, especially if he sees someone distressed, but if he himself is the distressed one either no one should even come near him or he needs a genuiene hug or encouraging words from someone

I'm not sure when jenna will get her powers and will get her true potential, but until I figure it out, she gets her potential when she saw a certain someone in danger (kinda placeholder!!)

she didnt have control of her powers much at first, but would soon learn its abilities

and when ethan gets his powers, it doesn't go smoothly at all due to nya having been turned into the sea, so all the sudden power is..quite a painful experience without control

his true potential? realizing his worth and saving his sister from danger

I don't have exact birthdays for them yet, but the placeholders for now are may 23rd (jenna) and october 8th (ethan)

when they got a bit older, jenna decided to dye some streaks of her hair blue (and one time had a pixie cut), ethan didn't take any creative liberties with his hair but would sometimes style it when he's bored

jenna was named by jay, and while nya had wanted lilly she didnt mind and just she told him ''as long as you don't name her nya junior I won't throw you off a building"

lilly in the end was just given as a middle name

want a fun fact? jenna was the one that named ethan, the moment she saw him in his little blanket she just kept shouting "ethan! ethan!"

and jenna has a HUGE obsession for drawing and painting, while ethan likes cooking and is declared 'the gordon ramsey of the walkers* by jenna lmao

Jenna: dude please just open your own restuarant at this point Ethan: for the love of the fucking fsm Jenna-

jenna's special nickname is JJ! long story short, it was at first a shortened version of 'jay junior' that was actually a joke but then it became her actual nickname lmao

jenna is aroace and will go by she/they in the future, while ethan goes by he/him and will come out as bi!

jenna was attached to both her parents but felt closer to nya, especially after seabound

she'd watch her and jay in the sam x cave for ages

never remembering nya nor jay, ethan was wary of nya at first and tried to stay close to jenna but the moment she hugged him? he felt safe and knew it was right (shoot I'm kinda spoiling the reunion uhh)

jenna says she has no favourite uncle, but it's secretly cole and only he knows that

and she bullies kai, even when she's not ordered to do so by jay 👌

she does have a good bond with all of them tho!

jenna, in dragons rising, is 5'0 and will stay that height for a while until she hits a sudden growth spurt at 13 and is literally 5'6

and she'd be 5'9 at 16

happens with ethan aswell, he's only 6 so he's about 3'8 which is average for his age, but he'll keep growing taller and taller and he stops growing once he reached 5'8

The Forest Of Walkers(tm) as a moot of mine once quoted (we both hc jay to be very tall, finn I am looking at you)

and yes, that small part of the drawing of them walking is them in the future, I have no exact design yet and just wanted to throw that in bc of the free space lmao (I will post their future designs tho trust)

fun fact: when me and my friend were still planning what jenna and ethan would be doing after the merge, instead of staying with lloyd they had ended up with sora and arin

in this au, maya and ray are a tad closer to nya than they are in the actual show, they visit regularly to check on her, jay and jenna (soon ethan aswell)

both them and ed and edna SPOIL HER TO DEATH. they'd gladly take jenna any day

..which actually happened, seabound stuff :")

from the way all the ninja grieved, it was extremely lonely for a 3 almost 4 year old kid, especially with how everything happened so suddenly and how she can't yet process grief well, she only had cole who'd stay with her alot when she wasn't at her grandparents

even at their places it felt gloomy, but she loved to distract herself when she'd be in the junkyard by helping ed collect scraps and build with him (when her love of mechanism began)

and she loved to take walks with maya or ray at ignacia, or watch ray blacksmithing

it calmed her down a bit, but she knew something was still missing

edit: jay was also not in the best place after nya left, and wasn't able to spend time with jenna because she reminded him so much of nya, so he went to the lighthouse before he got too far

crystallized was..not the best experience either

because of spoilers and still planning out some more stuff, time to jump to post-crystallized

jenna grew much closer to nya, and had went to school 2 months after ethan was born!

she started in first grade, and was chaotic as fuck

she beat a kid in her class once just because he didnt like her drawings, obviously did not end well but she won and she was proud af 😎

during the timeskip after the merge, when ethan hit 4, lloyd would do some sort of homeschooling for him since he and jenna never left the monastery

Lloyd: okay, what's 5+6?

Ethan: 10!

Lloyd, trying not explode because he was so close:

I have so much more, but this is getting long af and I'm tired lmao

for my moots that are in the combined au, feel free to ramble in the tags aswell if u want to btw!! I wish I could too but I don't have the fuckin energy :'))

I may add on once I have the time and energy in the notes (or another post), but for now here's some info abt these hellspawns :"DD

[oatmealaddiction]

Personal rant time: Right now the United States is seeing a huge erosion in small childcare centers, particularly family run centers which are unable to contend with the lack of teachers and care providers, as well as enormous demands from government licensing. It's going to lead to an uptick in corporate centers because many states do not acknowledge preschool as an imperative. This is terrible for working class families, especially those who don't work during the day and who rely on family centers. Parents will either have to quit, or use under the table childcare that's not been properly vetted. This is again because of the belief that raising children is a mother's job, and a push back against women entering the workforce. The work is continuously undervalued, and there is no appreciation for people who work with young children. Early Childhood Education is across the board, one of the lowest paying degrees a person can get. This had lead to the staffing crisis, it's lead to centers being shut down, and parents waking up to find out they're going to have to quit their jobs because there's no centers near them with any room. And while this is what a lot of conservatives want, the problem is we've hit a point where families with two working parents is a necessity for most people. Mother's can't just quit and rely on their husbands income. It is not possible.

Inside centers too, the demands put on teachers (a largely female workforce) is really unreasonable. Our hours often go over what are agreed upon, we're often pressured to work sick, and you'd be shocked to hear how many teachers have wet themselves on the job because using the bathroom meant leaving children unattended and there was no one available to get them a break. We're also micromanaged to hell and back because nobody seems to understand we're professionals who were trained in child care. Everything we do falls under immense scrutiny, and there's not a lot of protection for us. A lot of teachers also feel pressured to stay in their jobs because leaving could mean the center shuts down due to lack of staff.

Strict regulations also make it awful on the children. I once had a teacher who worked with largely autistic children, children with down's syndrome, or children with cerebral palsy, and she said that when she started, licensing regulations essentially stipulated the children be strapped in a car seat in an empty room with no toys. She had to fight tooth and nail to get children blocks and outside time and a classroom pet, only to retire and have all of the materials she'd worked to get be removed the second she was gone. I work at a center right now that says any book with a tear in it should be considered unusable and it's making it difficult to find books to read for my class, let alone toys that meet all the strict regulations. Which in the case of family centers, being unable to meet all of these demands often means being closed and families losing their childcare. (It should be noted corporate day cares are not held to the same standards as small private day cares. I worked at a corporate center where children were being served expired food.) And the biggest victims in all of this are the children. Like, what does it say about us that childcare centers are closing in mass and children are being pushed out of the public sphere that much more? That we're so concerned about the safety of children we've taken away their books and toys and pushed them back into their homes. The ability to have safe childcare is going to be restricted to the upper class and even they are going to be fighting tooth and nail over what little resources are left. Meanwhile, working class families could be forced to use a dangerous under the table center or have to uproot their entire family to make ends meet. It is legitimately a crisis. Childcare is a necessity, it is something we cannot neglect. Support universal preschool, volunteer at small centers if you can, and advocate for regulation that protects workers and children vs. regulation that continues to restrict childcare.

[miseries-mistress]

PRIORITIES | EDDIE MUNSON

Synopsis: Priorities: the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important.

Those kids- Mike, Dustin, Lucas- are your top priority. Everything you do is for the sake of their happiness and well-being. That's why you are now caught in the middle. Either go to Lucas's championship basketball game and make the entire Hellfire club disappointed in you, or attend Hellfire and make Lucas feel even worse than Steve, of all people, is the only one willing to attend. You picked Lucas and the kids, including your boyfriend, are less than pleased with your choice.

Warnings: gender-neutral reader, lousy writing (i seriously don't like this one. this is awful, please don't read. i have no excuse for the bad writing. the ending is better than the beginning. i will re-write this in the near future, I promise), slight angst, eventual fluff, happy ending, eddie being a dick for most of it. W/C: 2,550

Note: don't read this. literally don't until I re-write. i just had to publish something today.

In normal circumstances, attending Hellfire with the rest of the gang was an easy choice, especially nearing the end of the campaign. However, Mike and Dustin weren't the only ones that mattered.

The kids, as rambunctious as they are, are the highlight of your day. Since battling interdimensional creatures, your priorities have shifted to the kids' safety. Or that's what it started as; then to their well-being, then their happiness, and at this point, you were more of a legal guardian to them than their own parents, well you and Steve. 

So, when Lucas begged you to attend his championship game, you agreed with a smile on your face. You knew by heart that it was on the same night as Hellfire, but your decision became even more concrete when Lucas explained to you that everyone else, including Max, had declined the invitation. Your heart had sunk to your stomach, and you pulled Lucas into a tight hug, reassuring him that you would always be there. To which he graciously accepted and thanked you again.

That decision left you to elucidate to Eddie, your boyfriend, why you couldn't attend- in Eddie's opinion- one of the most important days of his life. 

You were caught in the middle, and you hated every second of it. 

Mike and Dustin were the first to catch wind of your "betrayal," and they cornered you while you swapped textbooks from your backpack to your locker. 

"What do you mean you're not coming to be at Hellfire tonight?" Mike's stiffened posture, rapid foot tapping, and clenched jaw gave it away that he was mad. "This is the end of Eddie's campaign!"

"Yeah, I know, but Eddie won't postpone it, so I have no choice."

"You do have a choice! Hellfire is more relevant than Lucas's game, anyway! It's not like he actually plays!" Mike cried, throwing his arms out. Dustin's mouth dropped, and his pale blue pupils dilated at Mike's choice of words, backing up to avoid your wrath. Dustin knew firsthand how defensive you get over them, and to witness it first hand was something, but to be on the receiving end was guilt stirring. 

"I have attended Hellfire ever since I started dating Eddie. That's seven months of never missing a single day. And apparently, this is difficult to understand, but I need to be there for Lucas, too- to support him. You're not the only person in my life. You, of all people, should know that." You huff, shaking your head. "Plus, the fact that you so blatantly shut him down when he tried to invite you to something that matters to him. You've also never been to a single game, not a single one, Mike. Friends support each other, and I know damn well that Lucas has been there for you. It's basic human decency to return the favor."

You rub your forehead as you feel the beginning of a headache form. "I'm going to Lucas's game whether you, Mike, like it or not. This is important to him."

Mike throws his hands in the air and saunters away in a huff. Dustin peers behind him at Mike's figure as he vanishes behind a corner. He places a gentle hand on your shoulder, and you turn to look at him, his gaze holding a profound weight. 

"I know you're caught in the middle, and I'm sorry. You do the most for us, and it's a shame how Mike can't see that right now."

Dustin pulls you into a hug, and you return it as his face sinks into your shirt. You admire that Dustin can see clearly in situations and not be clouded by emotion. It makes conversing with him easy and pleasant, not worrying if your following words will set him off into a frenzy.

"Thank you," you whisper. Dustin offers you one last smile before he follows Mike in the direction he ran off to. Once Dustin is out of sight, you bang your head against your locker, letting it rest on the cold metal.

"If I didn't know better, I would say you're trying to induce a concussion." Eddie jokingly remarks, halting next to you. 

"It's tempting sometimes." 

Eddie pulls you into a side hug, kissing the crown of your head while you melt into his loving embrace. You can smell the thick scent of whatever cologne he uses, weed, cheap deodorant, and sweat clinging to the jacket you're sure he's never washed. He rubs his ringed hand up and down your spine before placing another chaste kiss on your forehead, stepping back. 

"Can I…talk to you?" You gesture to the classroom behind you, one that is notoriously deserted. A crease appears in between his eyebrows before he nods. 

—

"You're what?" Eddie clamors. You moved to the empty classroom and sat down while Eddie paced in front of you. The overhead lights remained off, but light snuck in from underneath the door. 

"Eddie-"

"No, don't, "Eddie" me. I wanna know why you're going to that little twerp's game instead of witnessing the grand ending of our campaign!" Eddie exasperatedly throws his arms in the air, pacing around the room. 

"Eds. I've asked you to postpone it, and you said no. So you left me with no choice!"

"Because I didn't think you were off to a shitty ball game!" You scowl at Eddie, your arms folding over your chest as you lean back in your chair. 

"I want to be there and support Lucas. This means a lot to him."   

Eddie simply didn't understand. He didn't understand why your priorities lie with a freshman who he's seen you talk to in passing at school, over him and what he's worked so hard and long for. He couldn't comprehend why Lucas could take precedence just because this game was somehow different. His irritation only grew as he dwelled within his thoughts. 

You knew that he wouldn't understand; he never would. You built a bond with those kids through blood, sweat, tears, and heartache. You've grown protective of them after witnessing death and pain many times over. The Upside Down left you with hefty emotional scars, including keeping the people you care about most close to protect them from harm. That was something you could not, and you would not explain to him. Mainly because you didn't want to involve him in the shithole of the Upside Down and everything that came with it.

Eddie swung his bag over his shoulder and stalked out of the classroom without another word. Your head fell into your hands as you heard the door slam and a single tear rolled down your cheek. 

—

You spent the rest of the day in a daze; crawling through your classes without Eddie talking to you made it feel like they dragged on for hours. He sat in his usual spot next to you, but his gaze never faltered to where you were seated, leaving the pages of your notebook unusually plain without his doodles and writing. 

When the last bell rang, Eddie shot out of his seat, not bothering to wait for you as he exited. 

Since Steve insisted that he accompany you to the game, you met up with him after school for dinner. It was a delicious meal and a great chance to catch up on what had happened during the previous month, especially regarding Eddie's and Mike's reactions from today. 

Thirty minutes before the game began, you had returned to the school with Steve. The plastic bleachers provided you with decent seats as you crammed into the gym. 

When the teams began warming up, Lucas, almost anxiously, began scanning the crowd. His eyes landed on yours, and his brooding expression was replaced with an elated and relieved one. You waved at him and nudged Steve in the ribs to do the same. Lucas's grin broadened as he tentatively waved back. You could see the relief wash over his face when he saw that you didn't break your promise. It pained you that he expected the worst; he expected you to break your word because he's experienced that all too many times in his life. Nevertheless, it drove home the point that this was the right choice despite the backlash you received from it.

The players took to their positions on the court, and with the blow of the whistle, the game started. For the entirety of the game, Steve continued to explain how basketball worked when he noticed your confused expressions, and you could safely say that you were getting the hang of it in the third quarter. 

The last quarter, you spent, surprisingly, on the edge of your seat. You became familiar with the sound of shoes squeaking, the ball slapping against the floor, and the uproar of cheers every time someone scored. 

You erupted in cheers with the rest at Lucas's buzzer-beater shot and proudly watched as his team swarmed around him, congratulating him. Then, you and Steve filled out with the rest of the people excitedly chittering, said goodbye to each other, and parted just as Lucas and his jockey friends exited the building, whooping and cheering like mad men with Lucas in the center. 

Lucas scanned the parking lot until his eyes met yours. They lit up in an instant, and he came jogging over to you as you perched yourself against your car. You pushed off and met Lucas in the middle, engulfing him in a tight hug. Despite being sweaty and pumped with adrenaline, he snuggled further into your embrace as you praised him for the game. A warm and prideful feeling filled Lucas at your words of praise. You were proud of him, and that kind of praise from a parental figure did wonders for his ego. He would do it all again if it meant you would say such flattering words to him. 

Jason, however, missed the heartwarming moment and put a hand on your shoulder, ending your and Lucas's hug. 

You scowl at him, crossing your arms over your chest. "What?" You shake his hand off you, and he looks down, slightly hurt by your rejection. 

"We have an after party. I was wondering if you would like to join Sinclair and me since you two seem...close." 

You ignore him and place a hand on Lucas's shoulder. "If you need a ride home, I'm one call away. I'll come to pick you up no problem, okay?"

Lucas glances between you and Jason before he nods, offering you a reassuring smile. "Thank you, but I'm good."

You smile and pat his shoulder, turning the other way toward your car. Jason stole one last glance at you, his eyes raking over your figure as he walked to his car with a frown, Lucas trailing behind him. 

In the next second, footsteps pounded against the pavement, steadily growing louder as they near you. You turn around as Eddie comes to a stop in front of you, gulping air greedily into his lungs, one arm leaning against the roof of your car. 

"How was the campaign?" you ask, clasping your hands together as you lean against the car. 

"It was good, yeah, uh...Henderson explained things to me." Eddie rubbed his nape nervously, his back facing your car. Your head shot up, and your jaw slacked. Out of all the things Dustin could have said about the situation, you didn't expect him to tell the whole truth. The fact that Eddie seems so calm about it is throwing you through a loop. You know Dustin has virtuous intentions, but this is just out of character, even for him.

"He..." Eddie began, trying to form his thoughts before he spoke. "He told me how you've known him, Mike, and Lucas since they were seven, and you've always taken care of them. He even said that you're like their parent in a way and that you always put them first and take care of them. So, I'm sorry for acting the way that I did. I get why Lucas is so important to you." 

You breathed a sigh of relief. You would have to thank Dustin later. 

"You were a real dick earlier, Eddie."

"I know, and you tried to explain it to me, but I didn't listen, sorry," he mutters the last part sheepishly.

You sigh and tilt your head back. The stars flicker above you as they speckle the infinite black sky. Your eternal gratitude is extended to Dustin for not spilling the whole truth about how your relationship with them came to be and grew. But you also realize how strange you must have seemed to Eddie, just wanting to attend a freshman basketball game because you wanted to be there for someone. In light of your explanation, or lack thereof, it makes sense why he would be so frustrated. "I forgive you." 

Eddie's eyes gleamed with relief. "Thank you, pretty."

"Now, tell me what happened tonight?" You throw your arms over Eddie's shoulder, clasping your hands behind his head and under his wild tangle of curls. He grins, his eyes lighting up in exhilaration. 

"Henderson and Sinclair's younger sister defeated Vecna," Eddie proudly declares. You lean in and peck his lips, your mouth unfurling into your own grin. 

"That's amazing– wait, Erica was there?" 

Eddie cocks his head to the side, his face riddled with confusion. "Yeah, why, you know her?"

"Yeah, I do. Erica's something all right. Incredibly sassy and confident, but with a good heart." 

"You really are something, you know that. Seeing the good and people and all that shit." You chuckle, bowing your head in embarrassment as your fingers trace circles on the back of his neck. 

"Sorry again for not making it to Hellfire." Eddie watches how your lips are dragged into a frown, regret and guilt filling your features. 

"'S okay, I get it now. Sorry for giving you so much shit about it earlier, but you need to support Sinclair like you support us. It makes sense to me. Plus, we have a smaller campaign for the last two months of school. You'll be there, right?" 

"Mhm." you untangle your hands from Eddie's neck. "Wanna go to your place?"

"No need to ask twice, sweet thing."

[dearweirdme]

I've seen your posts about Taekook and I like the way you think. I tend to agree, but I get confused when I see about Jikook. How you think they are different? You talk about "grand gestures", what is that about?

Hi anon!

No need to get confused, although I do understand why you would be. I wrote about Tae and Jk in these posts:

So I won't go into them a lot now (although I could, because... wow :) ). It's also so hard and a bit unfair to really compare friendships or relationships I think. Every friendship is different and has it's own strenths and weaknesses. No two people are the same and therefore no bond between people can be the same. It's like comparing apples to oranges.

Jimin and Jk are friends, they have a very strong bond I believe and are very fond of each other. There's no denying that. Their personalities together make for a very happy, funny, adventurous, relationship (platonic) full of banter. Jimin is also a very flirty person in general. It comes natural to him, he is flirty with a lot of people (disclaimer, this is not a negative thing... being flirty doesn't have to be sexual or romantical at all). Jk is not a natural flirty person (imo). He gets flustered by it easily, but... I think he does appreciate a flirty atmospere. Whenever Jk is flirty (on lives for instance) I always feel it's because he intends to be. While Jimin is more naturally flirty.

I am actually quite sure Jk and Jimin are not in a romantic relationship. I can look at Jikook videos on youtube and still be sure of my believe in Taekook without much effort. I do understand why a lot of people do see sometning there though. Those grand gestures I mentioned are there. It's the touches, the hugs, some comments, handholding, patting each others butts. Those are easily spotted and in general those things are what make you go "side-eye". A lot of fans (especially young ones) take those grand gestures and come to a conclusion right away: Jikook is real. They do not really look beyond what they see. Not to bash anyone, but I feel it takes some experience with actual relationships (doesn't have to be your own, but just real adult relationships around you) to be able to see what is lacking in Jimin and Jk's interactions and why that means they are just friends.

I have looked at a lot of Jikook videos and I see nothing but two friends enjoying teasing each other. Jimin mostly initiates, because he has the natural inclination to be flirty and Jk will allow hugs, some touches and occasional handholding. Jk however, often leans away from the touches and will even try to get out of them (and yes, there is footage showing he doesn't lean away, but in general he will). He will either create space between their heads or keep space between them... he doesn't lean in to get closer. Like this for instance:

This is something Jk does do with Tae though. He does incline his head towards Tae, he does try to close the space between them (again... in general). He lets Tae get into his personal space easily.

Simply put... Jk isn't a 100% comfortable whith Jimin entering his personal space. I don't mean to imply that Jimin is crossing boundaries here... he is always quick to pull off and I see it more as playfull behavior. The way we let people into our personal space is not black or white... it's better to look at it as something placed on a scale. We let people we trust the most get the closest. I'd say a young child and their parent are a 100%, two strangers at most 10% for instance. Jimin and Jk to me look about 70% while Tae and Jk go up to near 100%.

Another reason for me to believe in Taekook rather than Jikook is the way Vminkook are together. Jimin doesn't care what Tae and Jk do together. While Jk and Tae do care when the other is physically close to someone else. There are some very distinct moments that would not have happened if Jikook were real. All of this:

but also these:

All examples of Tae and Jk being couply with Jimin present and having no problem with it.

Most of the stuff i've seen people use for evidence of Jikook is stuff I interpret very differently. It's a lot of playfull banter. Jimin likes to tease Jk, but not with any actual sexual or romantic intent. Jk comforts Jimin a lot, but to me that's as friends not as lovers. The GCF with Jimin in Tokyo is just a friends vacation to me (I ave footage of me and a friend that is very much like that). So, I think people took some grand gestures, made up their minds and started interpretating everything else with an already fixed idea in mind.

It's easy to act out the grand gestures. Anyone can do it. Bodylanguage is something that is hard to fake and hide though. Tae and Jk's bodylanguage with each other has an ease to it that to me Jk and Jimin's just doesn't. I don't want to diminish Jimin and Jk's bond. Friendships are also extremely important relationships. They care for each other and they are fond of each other. I just don't think they are together romantically.

[ikemenomegas]

So its established that the alpha is the one that keeps their silence when things get hard right? but then in the nightmare piece, megumi was the first one to notice that the alpha had a nightmare and wasn't in the right state of mind. And that gave me a thought, megumi noticing that they had a nightmare obv wasn't the first time so i headcanon that when megumi was still a child, whenever the alpha was depressed and needed comfort but shut up abt it to avoid troubling satoru more, megumi was the first to notice and comforted the alpha in his own megumi way like sending one of his divine dogs to play with the alpha

Just to clarify, I don't think the alpha is necessarily unique in the way they deal with difficulties! Most of sorcerer society is like this. Some people are lucky to have someone with whom to share their difficulties, but when they lose that person (like Nanami did), they go silent.

Gojo and Getou were that person for each other, but even then they never got to have that supportive relationships as adults, never learned to seek it out (understandable when you realize they don't consider anyone else their equal), and they seldom seemed to talk about what was bothering them head-on even as students (see the argument Shoko runs away from in the flashback arc). I can only speak to my experiences with the east asian part of my family, but that's pretty typical anyways. It takes trust and you still have to entice your loved ones into telling you what's up to them. It's not uncommon to get just as much information from careful observation as from an actual conversation. (Gojo actually doesn't say much either - he knows there are bad situations you can do nothing about, and in those cases sometimes the most you can do is just be there with someone in the shit)

Also, here's another old jjk fandom joke for you: that these people thought [single] parenthood at about 17-18 would fix them. The odd age gap between Megumi and the adults that inserted themselves into his life is part of what makes that relationship much less straightforward than just parent/child or student/mentor. If you like to read post 1800 British literature, benefactor really suits Gojo's role - he acts like one of those wealthy people in novels, snatching up talent because he knows that it will benefit him later, but also truly caring for his charge's well-being. It's a unique kind of relationship that's seldom recognized or codified in the united states, but it wouldn't be uncommon to cultivate these kinds of relationships for someone raised like modern day royalty the way Gojo was.

Shamans live a hard life. Alpha would definitely have had nightmares about something when Megumi was young, and they probably wouldn't have been very good at hiding it, being young themselves. Plus Megumi was an abandoned kid living in an unstable series of situations. He was probably hyper aware of his surroundings for a good little while until things settled with Gojo taking him in.

That said, this headcanon is adorable. Alpha really did have more room in which to be family to the Fushiguro siblings and that means Megumi in turn has more room to show emotion around them.

(I'm bad at social cues... especially online. I don't know if you wanted to see from my point of view what you're describing, but I blurbed it below <3. Thank you for sharing the headcanon anon!)

When staring at the dead TV screen had faded away into a restless sleep, you didn't know. At least this was a formless nightmare, which was both better and worse. Dreams in which you could fight, even with the world sticky-slow or slippery as ice woke you up irritated. The dreams which were made more from the hazy memory-stuff of too many battles, too many near misses and if only we'd been here yesterday's, left you with no specific images but hung themselves like weights in your chest upon waking, robbing you of much needed true rest.

At least, you thought, your consciousness bubbling rapidly back to awareness, it would be over soon. That was truly the best that could be said of bad dreams.

You snapped awake when a warm tongue licked your wrist and a low whine sounded by your ear - distinctly canine rather than human.

In the dark, the shape of White Jade dog glowed like the moon.

You sat up, looking around the room, but neither saw nor sensed anyone (or anything) else in it. Still you crept slowly through the little apartment.

Satoru and Shoko were out of town and you'd come here because you couldn't stand another night alone and now you were glad. The neighborhood was safe enough, but even so...

You trailed your fingers along the wall, the white dog padding along behind you and then slipping past into the kids' room ahead of you.

They were both in bed still, but if the shikigami were out, then that meant someone was awake.

You knelt in the space between Megumi and Tsumiki's beds. She was doing a much better job at pretending than her brother, but if he was awake, then so was she. You sighed softly to yourself. They were both so nervous, even though they hid it. And you didn't blame them.

Too tired for words, you chose to wait instead, and eventually, when you were almost drowsing sitting upright, Megumi rolled over and cracked open one eye. White Jade dog wriggled a little but at the slightest movement from Tsumiki, it stilled again.

Eventually, soon really, they would need separate rooms. Tsumiki had insisted on staying here until the school year was over, but as Satoru had described it, the situation was delicate enough without negotiating for a non-sorcerer to be exposed to the world of curses.

You reached over and tucked her duvet higher over her shoulder, grateful to see at least that some tension unwound from her.

When you turned back, Megumi was no longer pretending to be asleep at all, although that glaring stare of his was softened.

"I heard a noise," he said to your silence, whispered but still defensive.

It didn't take a genius to figure out at this point that you were probably the noise. When this used to happen on overnight missions, Suguru used to shake you awake and sometimes curl up behind you. Satoru would grumble his own reply to your murmuring until you woke and throw a spare pillow, still warm from his embrace, at your head. Shoko would have tugged you slowly into her arms and soothed you back to sleep with her precise fingers rubbing into your neck.

"Well thank you for sending White to come get me," you whispered back, shaking away the memories. "We should go back to sleep though."

Megumi frowned at whatever face you were making and looked at where the white dog was sitting, head cocked almost like a real dog, at the foot of his bed.

It was sweet that he'd sent his favorite of the two to wake you. Black Jade dog seemed to scare him sometimes, literally making him jump at his own shadow as it melted from the darkness.

When he said nothing in reply, you tried to unfold yourself from the floor. Megumi latched onto your sleeve. His face was turned away.

You carefully crouched back down. "How about I stay here tonight?"

He nodded after a moment, just once, barely noticeable except a shift against the pillowcase, but this time he let you go.

You smoothed down a blanket to sleep on and one to sleep under and pulled one of the couch cushions under your head in between the two beds in the narrow room.

Both of the children responded to your prompting "goodnight" and shuffled around to curl up again. Tsumiki's breathing evened out quickly, but the White dog's presence meant that Megumi was still awake.

It was curled around it's masters legs, head propped on his hip as it watched over you.

"Megumi?--"

Neither child nor dog made any noise apart from Tsumiki's sleepy snuffles.

"--I'm okay."

A barely perceptible little hmph came from the bed on your left.

You could hear a clock - the only thing that still had working batteries when you and Satoru had first visited the kids - ticking in the other room.

Almost five minutes later to the second, White Jade dog settled its head heavily over Megumi's side and disappeared with a sigh.

[princesssarisa]

Beth March for the 7 questions ask?

Three facts about them from my personal headcanons.

She's on the autism spectrum, or would be if she lived today.

She probably couldn't put into words why she's so especially close to Jo out of all her sisters, when on the surface they're opposites. But deep down she knows the reason why, besides "opposites attract": it's because they're both misfits. Meg and Amy are much better at following the rules their society expects of young women; Jo and Beth never fit that mold, Jo because of her tomboyishness and Beth because of her shyness. This mutual sense of being different draws them closer together, even though they're different in opposite ways. (I headcanon them both as neurodivergent – ADHD Jo, autistic Beth.)

If she had lived, she might have eventually and unexpectedly fallen in love and gotten married. I don't think that would have been impossible. But it would have to have been with a very unique, understanding young man. He might be the only Little Women OC I'd ever be tempted to create.

A reason they suck:

She doesn't think she was ever meant to live long, because she never wants to leave her family, get married, or lead a "normal" adult life. What does that say to those of us in the real world who have that in common with her?

A reason they are great:

She's one of the kindness, most loving, most unselfish and generous people you'll ever meet, and she shows just how valuable the most easily-overlooked person (sickly, shy, never leaves home, etc.) can be.

A reason I relate to them:

I'm also "young" for my age, don't have any grand ambitions, and just want a quiet, peaceful life near my family.

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character:

None.

Five things that never happened to the character that I believe should have happened:

Someone (maybe Jo) should have taken time to imagine what her life would have been like if she hadn't gotten sick. That someone should have told her, or at least spelled out to the readers, that even if she had lived with her parents until they died, and then maybe moved in with Jo and Friedrich to help care for the children at Plumfield, that even if she reached old age without ever marrying, having children, or "achieving" anything outside the home, her life would still have been happy and valuable.

Her musical compositions should have been published, even anonymously or under a pseudonym.

During her final months, she should have talked with Meg and Jo about a subject that's not even brought up again after Part I – the idea that the scarlet fever that started her decline was Meg and Jo's fault, because they wouldn't go to the Hummels in her place when she asked them to. She should have told them never to blame themselves, that she had been caring for the sick baby for a week and was almost certainly infected already when she asked them to go. Though it isn't mentioned, I suspect that Jo wouldn't have been so crushed with grief and depression after Beth's death if a part of her didn't still feel it was her fault.

She should have had more one-on-one interactions with Meg and Amy; even though she's clearly the closest to Jo, it would be nice to see more of her relationships with the other two.

After her death, someone (maybe Laurie in one of his ignorant moments) should have made a passing comment that she was "too fragile for this world," and someone else (either Jo or Amy) should have argued against that perspective. I'm just sick of seeing critics say that Beth has to die because she's too fragile for this world, and I wish the book spelled out that she wasn't.

Five people that character never fell in love with and why.

Laurie. He's a good friend; that's all.

John Brooke. Ditto.

Mr. Laurence; he's much too old and is more of an honorary grandfather.

Friedrich Bhaer. She sadly never meets him, but even if she had, he would just have been a good friend.

Frank Vaughn. Another friend, but not a love interest.

Fred Vaughn. Unlike Frank, he has nothing in common with her.

[brandwhorestarscream]

There’s probably some sort of animal documentary on each of them.

Some people probably try to do some weird YouTube challenge or just videos with names like :

“We slept near a hord of wild Trucks truck dads”

“Spending one hour inside a hive of Bees”

“SEARCHING FOR SEEKERS AT 3AM (GONE WRONG)”

“Trying to befriend a flock of copter moms (gone wrong?) (almost died) (camera man almost got adopted)”

“WE SPENT 24HOURS WITH A WILD AMBULANCE!!”

“A giant bug broke into my house”

Everyone : *Scared of the robots

Influencers and Gen z : It’s free real estate

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN MORE CORRECT ABOUT ANYTHING, EVER, IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND

Youtube and tiktok are probably flooded with content of stupid young kids harrassing filming the wild robots. A lot of the time it's pretty chill, the bots don't pay them much attention, some are even friendly. And sometimes, yes, the cameraman almost gets adopted XD

There's definitely instances of a clutch of sparklings chasing down someone with a camera. They just see this squishy thing that kiiiiinda sorta looks like them that's kiiiinda sorta their size, holding what looks to be a very tasty snack. And the natural reaction of course is to chase them down. Imagine some idiot wandering into like an old air field or a forest or something, leaving their friends in the car, only to come back screaming "START THE CAR START THE CAR!" 10 minutes later being pursued by like a dozen 8-foot metal toddlers that are beeping and squealing and demanding snacks! The only thing that saves them from being mobbed is throwing the phone. Otherwise, they get captured and carried back to base, sparklings eager to show their parents the cool thing they found!

Also, sad as it is... at least one of them has gotten themselves killed. Sticking their nose where it doesn't belong, trespassing on claimed territory where there's either a nest of eggs or very, very new sparkling that's rather frail, or even a mech or femme in the midst of emergence. Either way, they get waaay too close and can't understand/ignore the warning signs, and they get squashed in short order. It's really unfortunate, but it serves as a reminder to people. Don't go looking to bother wild animals, especially not 50-foot metal wild animals

Yes the humans have basically adopted a "They're like wild animals" rule for the robots. Leave them alone and they'll leave us alone. Give them respect, give them space, and everything will (probably) be fine

[avaelangel]

Thoughts on Laura & Max.

Hiya, cubs!

Important disclaimer: you may think what you think. If you don't like this couple, you have a right to it. It just my thoughts and I need to spill 'em.

So, I think Laura & Max are a pretty good match.

You definitely can catch the vibe of ''over-ambitious girlfriend dragging her doofus boyfriend along'', but in my opinion, it's very surface-level.

Let's talk about Max, since we saw less of him.

The website and fan-wiki describe him as lacking ambition, airhead, class-clown, but also friendly and loyal. I really do think he would be more content working or having his own repair-shop or something near Laura's college and it doesn't make him any less of a great guy. He clearly loves Laura and believes in her.

And let's be clear, he's so dorky. Him trying to scare Travis when sheriff's the one in the cell? So stupid. But he's okay wearing Laura's clothes and i take it as him being completely okay with his sexuality. That means we get another Ryan\Dylan stan, folks. He's not a full golden retriever, he get's annoyed with Laura, but still, doesn't like fighting. He also keeps his emotions and failures deep down, untill he forgets about them, maybe or they just come out. I think he hid the rejection letter because he's afraid to loose Laura.

There is also his quickness to give up. He does try to lighten up the situation first, but he does come to a conclusion that they gonna be stuck in the jail forever. Prone to depression? Maybe, he's not so upset about grad school itself, because college took a huge toll on him.

Let's speculate on the past a bit. They kind of seem like if they were together at school, Max would be bullied and some point Laura would fend off his or their bullies. Laura is not only hardheaded, she generally seems meaner than Max. Sister of multiple brothers\daughter of a strict\toxic parents and an only child of an over-bearing mother?

She cuts him off and corrects him during Chapter 7. But I feel like he have done it too, but in a different sence. Maybe, when she's being too mean in a group setting? Over selling a crude joke to its fullest extent? Play-fighting too hard? She does go full monster-hunter in two months, because she's so fed up with everything and just wants to help her boyfriend. She must know how to shoot and there's nothing wrong in winning plushies for your boyfriend.

They are very comfortable with each other. I don't really think that they were each other's firsts, but it does seem that they've been together for at least like a couple of years. College sweethearts? You can't deny that Max's rejection letter is from a graduate program. Laura, in my opinion, must be a biology major or something, and she would go to a vet school. She very much can be CPR-certified or something like that. Also, don't qoute me on that, not American. Maybe, they both didn't find the college scene amusing and just vibed together. It's sounds super nice, actualy.

I'm gonna go as far as saying that their families might not understand them to the extent they need. So, they just exept each other as much as possible and love each other very much. There might be a way to reunite them, when they both have blood on their hands. Story-wise, it's great both ways. Either way, they are tied together, issues or not. So. Much. Potential.

Considering everything, especially their (alleged) age being in early 20s, Laura and Max would be the most functional couple at camp. Max for sure would get along with everyone, when Laura might spook people like Abi, Nick or Jacob a bit. Kaitlyn or Ryan would take to her attitude a bit better, I think. We might not even have Jacob\Emma drama in the world where Laura & Max reached the camp in time. And just imagine kids crushing on them both, that would be so funny. Ten year olds trying to challenge Max for Laura? Or girls saying that Laura is too old for Max? I kinda hate kids while thinking about it, but it would make for a funny story.

In conclusion, they just seems as nice couple that doesn't really need to be broken up. So much was left to the fandom's imagination, everything can happen, but still. As Siobhan said in an interview, their backstory isn't set in stone. Do what you will!

I also might be a tad obsessive or...a good writer? I don't know. I just need to rid myself of a lot of Quarry speculation, but I someone enjoys reading my weird shi..stuff.

[avigellar]

fiiiinally freeing up some time to work on more of my muse intros—phew! hey, everyone—it's just me, ryan (h/h, 25+) back with an intro for another favorite of mine: avi gellar-cho! he's a muse i've picked up, dusted off, and reworked for this space, and i'm actually really stoked to dive into him. in my opinion, he's really cool. he's a voice actor and now podcast host whose based in korea solely because of his husband—it's complicated, but he's really happy!—and though it's taking him some getting used to, he's stoked to learn more about his husband's culture/home!

1.

avi gellar was born and raised in new york city. his parents operate a kosher bakery that's well-loved in their neck of the woods, and he grew up learning all of the family recipes. while it was never exactly a passion of his, he understood why his mom and pop loved to bake so much. he can taste the love in everything they prepare, and although he's over thirty now, he still feels their love, and they definitely still view him as their blue-eyed baby boy.

as a kid, he learned that he did extremely good impressions of his favorite cartoon characters, a skill that he spent far too much time honing, but it kept him out of trouble, so his parents didn't think much of it. that, and he often made them laugh with his impersonations, so they weren't complaining much either. they thought he was quite the character, and so did his peers at school, who revered him as something of a class clown. he dodged bullying by making everyone laugh instead.

it was a fluke chance, but when his dad saw a listing for an open call looking for voice talent for a new series to be launched on a kid's tv network, he told avi about it and avi auditioned, and out of hundred of others, he landed the leading role in the show—marking the start of his career. (side-note: canonically, i'm claiming that he was the og voice actor for aang of atla. why? because i can. 😆)

he's done tons of voice work over the years, and now, he hosts a podcast about voice work; one where he often has other voice actors from all over the world as guests to talk about their shared craft. as of now, he's living in south korea with his husband, who he met along the way after a previous engagement of his failed dramatically. it's daunting to be in a new place, especially one that's more socially conservative than new york, but he's excited to learn more.

2.

avi gellar is funny. that's something that everyone who meets him can say about him. even those who hate him can't deny that his quick wit and comedic timing aren't near-flawless. some say he could've genuinely gone into a career in comedy, but he refrained from that. he never wanted to be a comedian, and he doesn't like being in the spotlight that much. hiding behind animated characters is more his speed.

he's not only funny, but he's also a rock. he's solid. he works hard. he's someone who works within the realm of fantasy lands and animation, but in real life, he's got a practical edge about him that prevents his head from floating into the clouds too often. since he's been involved in the entertainment industry since childhood, he's got great business sense—typical capricorn sun—and makes strategic financial decisions. it's why his fortune from his youth is still supporting him. he's used it wisely.

avi is a work-horse. his willingness to work is immense, and he'll do all he can to ensure that he and his family are supported. he's not the type to sit idly by and hope other people make change in the world. no, he's someone who gets up and gets shit done. he can be a bit hard on those who don't choose to get up and do the work, but it's only because he genuinely doesn't understand that mindset.

want dad advice? avi's your man. he's still young, but there's a way about him that makes him feel genuinely wise beyond his years. that, and he's not afraid to be a critic; to be more stern with people he thinks can use a bit of a wake-up call. his paternal instincts are rather strong, to be honest, and so is his propensity toward using dad jokes.

3.

i'd love any and all plots for him, idk. i'm much easier to brainstorm with than lay out ideas, so let's work something out together! 🥰

[goblinlovesmusicals]

fuck it

20. Turnov. Any genre/random. (Hes my favorite engine so sorry for asking for the maximum dhdhddjjf)

Putting some history into the lore here: Turnov and his dining car came to America some years before the Cold War started. Once everything went down, they weren't able to leave. They were passed around a few yards because they were champions and the humans wanted to make some money off of them. They ended up at Apollo Victoria for the events of the show and were promptly bought by Control.

Turnov's birth name is Maxim Kurnikovich Ivanov. He doesn't go by his birth name because when he was in training as a racer he was basically rebranded as Turnov.

A very very repressed gay man. He was uncomfortable at the idea of racing with a female coach but a male coach wasn't an option, so he races with his sister (A dining car named Paskha). He's honestly repressed in any and all sexual and/or romantic things, the thought of it stresses him out because he can't be himself.

Aside from his sister, he has a twin brother named Vladimir and parents named Anya and Kurnik, he hasn't seen the rest of them in many years.

Didn't speak much english when he initially came to America, still didn't speak very much when he got to Apollo Victoria, his sister spoke for him a lot. He learns english mainly from the other nationals, which leads to him saying a lot of non-American slang and sayings and everyone finds it funny.

He is very boring man- He doesn't have many hobbies and his favorite food is literally porridge.

His birth yard saw his bulk and separated him from his family. He was pretty badly mistreated there, by the trainfolk and conductors alike. This has led to him being quiet and stern with a deep fear of being seen as weaker (Don't ask why, let's just say he has some scars...).

I have him falling in love with Brexit 💕. Brex is small and kind, which contrasts well with Turnov and helps him heal.

He is unsure as to how old he is, he thinks he's somewhere in his 70s-80s maybe (trains age differently so he's not a super old man lol).

His hair is naturally very curly, but it's been shortened to a buzzcut for most of his life.

America didn't treat him very kindly either, he was subjected to a lot of crap. Apollo Victoria was the same in the beginning, he got called a Commie a lot. Greaseball was especially bad and has since apologized profusely.

I'd say he's about 6'2" with brunette hair and hazel eyes. He's also built like a brick wall.

Aggression issues to the max. The environment he grew up in has left him easily angered and riddled with anxieties. Too much stress and he will bite or punch and the victim will not be okay. He probably needs a muzzle tbh-

Doesn't actually enjoy drinking, it's just his preferred unhealthy coping mechanism.

Likes to be read to and enjoys violin music.

Got set up with a therapist right away-

He's closest with the rest of the nationals, as fellow champions they understand a lot of what he's gone through and they all support each other.

Bear hugs and head bumps are his forms of affection, he has knocked people over before-

Since Control bought him, he's been allowed to have actual fun and live life. His favorite activities are tea parties with Brexit and knitting with Ruhrgold. He also really likes naps (and dragging fellow nationals into napping with him-) because the man is tired, let him rest.

The coaches adore him for some unknown reason. The reason is that he's very genuine with them. Coaches often have to worry about how engines act with them, with all the competition and treating coaches like prizes to be won. Even engines not attracted to coaches will often act differently near them because of societal stuff. Turnov racing with a coach sister everywhere has given him a very relaxed and natural vibe when near coaches, which they appreciate. It's kind of a symbiotic deal: Turnov wards off bad engines and the coaches will commit murder if someone harms him-

[letrashbag]

Got into a huge fight with my mom yesterday. Whoopee.

To preface, I don't fight with my mom. I've got a lot of people pleasing and social anxiety issues and I just don't do conflict. I would rather shove myself into a box while breaking all of my bones than communicate that a behavior is hurting me and that I want it to stop. But every once in a while I'll put on my big boy pants and be brave about it. Usually in relation to issues of racism and queerphobia. So I'll call out my parents for being transphobic or closeminded, but I try to do it in a respectful and civil way. I don't try and tell them they're wrong about these things, I just try and get them to realize that there is no logical backing for their views.

So this all started with the Barbie movie (really it started with the "Disney selling out to woke leftists" but whatever). My mom was saying that she didn't want to watch it because men were presented as stupid so women could be shown as powerful. Me and my sibling kind of pushed back, because that is not the messaging of the Barbie movie and then it just devolved from there. (my mom has a habit of either misunderstanding or flat out refuting basic arguments that we then have to focus on so she can understand the full picture for the main argument, which is how this conversation got so crazy) We tried to explain the objectification of women in media (specifically how women are often not used as full thought-out characters but as tools to further the plot for the men in the movie) and used an example from one of her favorite movies. In it the main dude married this hot successful woman and we were trying to explain that her function in the plot of the movie was to make the main character look successful to other men. She could not comprehend this idea and insisted that since she did not watch the movie that way, that just wasn't true. (And of course, there is something to be said for death of the author and interpreting characters how you want to, but that doesn't erase the objective analytical perspective of character purpose and the near constant objectification of women in media.) This then turned into us trying to explain what objectification even is, because yes "ugly" women can and are objectified too. Objectification is viewing a person as an object, something that all AFAB face to some degree because vagina=sex=object (valuable or not) in our society. Then we had to explain that yes, society is a thing that influences everybody. She genuinely was fighting the idea that there is a societal standard of beauty. I had to explain that personal attraction is different than perception of beauty. You are not physically or emotionally attracted to everyone you find beautiful. There is appreciation, aesthetic attraction, and socially informed views of beauty. And then we came to the fact that everyone is socialized by our SOCIETY and that gives them biases and teaches them behaviors. Seems simple right? Apprently not.

She kept insisting that society did not influence her opinions, ever, and they are all her own, and she has no biases at all. She would admit that everyone else was influenced by their family and therefore had biases and would make assumptions about people, but not her. No, she's special. She doesn't judge people by their appearance, ever. This became a fight over the fact that human brains operate a certain way and that the way process information, especially visual information, is inherently tied to making assumptions about people based on our social knowledge. I kept bringing up like scientific facts about how the brain works, and she was so insistent that it didn't matter. She literally asked me if I took away science, what is my argument here? Like punk? Why is science not a good argument? Why can't I reference peer reviewed studies and anatomical features? Why doesn't that count? But you get to just be like "I believe that my brain doesn't do that"? What? But then she'd make claims about how the brain changes as you grow, like synapses can change, and that means she just grew out of making assumptions about people. Which 1) is a SCIENCE BASED ARGUMENT 2) true in the sense that your neural network can grow, decay, and change based off of how you use it but not true in the sense that you can change the way you process information. I tried using the analysis of your cells can regenerate, but you can't regrow an arm (after a certain point of development in the womb) to show that yes, one fact may be true but it doesn't mean you can take that fact to the extreme. AND THEN....SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDNT KNOW IF CELLS REGENERATE OR NOT. SHE'S A TEACHER. FOR SOMEONE WHO SEEMS TO FALL INTO THE "BASIC BIOLOGY" GROUP YOU SURE DON'T KNOW BASIC BIOLOGY. BUT SHE DOESN'T TEACH BIOLOGY. SO WHY SHOULD SHE KNOW BASIC HUMAN FUNCTIONS. She also refuted the idea of subconscious informing your actions in a way that wasn't just telling your consciousness "that person is ugly", which is not how subconsciouses work at all, but she wouldn't believe me.

She just kept insisting that she was the exception, and that her brain doesn't do that. (Side note, when she said everything has exceptions, I asked her if every functioning human had a brain, are there any exceptions to that, she said yes as far she knew but she didn't learn anatomy in school. Incredulous, we asked if she had ever been told in school that she had a brain. She said no. We asked how she knew she had one then. She said God told her. After some more pushing and prodding, it was like pulling teeth, she finally admitted that she did in fact learn about brains in 9th grade science. Which was where? SCHOOL, SO YES SCHOOL AND SCIENCE TAUGHT YOU THAT YOU HAVE A BRAIN, SO WHY DID YOU SAY NO??????????) And obviously, I don't believe her, because once again that is literally how brains work, and she refuses to believe me because how dare science inform my world views.

It's like she thinks I'm being brainwashed because I use science and my education to inform my views and beliefs. I don't just trust that my brain made a totally great decision for itself independent of any influence and nothing else matters.

UUUUGUUGUGUUGHGGUHGUGHUGHUGUHUHGHHGHHGHGHGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHUHUHHHHFHHHHHHH

I also made her cry because I was trying to explain that growing up in a racist household isn't always being explicitly told that "black people are bad", so I brought up an example of a conversation that happened like 3 years ago in our house which was just a butt ton of microaggressions, and she immediately was like "I don't remember this conversation, I wouldn't have agreed with that stuff." and then after insisting that she certainly didn't refute the stuff my dad was saying and that the conversation did in fact happen (note that I was not calling her racist, I made it clear that this was a conversation that happened awhile ago, and it was just an example that I know she was witness to of a racist conversation not being explicitly about how people of color are bad) and she lost her mind, crying about how if I knew the way dad had treated her and the way she really felt then I wouldn't dare bring this up and that she never agreed with his views on "black people and gay people" and clearly I don't know her as well as I think I do. Which I understand to an extent, I understand that my dad is not a great person for a lot of reasons, and that my mom does not fully agree with him. And I truly hadn't meant to accuse her of racism in that moment. So I apologized for bringing up a sensitive topic and explained why I had. Then we just got right back into it. (She also admitted that she had wanted and implied that she still did want a divorce.)

She probably thinks that I hate her and that I think she's an idiot. She also probably thinks I've been brainwashed by society and that I've been lost to the woke leftists. I'm so excited to leave in a couple of weeks. I'm only home right now for the summer, and I go back to college soon. As soon as I'm gone, I'm going to shave my head and try to forget about all this crap. I just don't know how to act right now. I'm not going to apologize for insisting that she's wrong, cause she is. And I know she won't apologize cause she thinks she's right. I probably should apologize for getting so upset, but I was careful not to say anything insulting or offensive that wasn't just a scientific truth, so I really don't want to apologize for anything. But my family has an absolutely horrible dynamic. Us kids were always forced to apologize to each other and say "it's okay", so know we just don't. I've apologized a couple of times to my youngest brother because there have been times where I've lost my temper and genuinely been in the wrong, but when I get into tiffs with most of my other siblings we just get over it. Which probably isn't healthy, but whatever. I just want to leave and be done with it.

I'm probably not coming home next summer and then I'll be graduating. It's too expensive for me to come back home for smaller breaks, so unless my parents will pay for it, this is probably the last time I'll be home. And I can't wait to get out. I hate being an adult and having to make these decisions for myself and having to get a job and all of that stuff, but I'd take it any day over sitting here in my house listening to my dad rant bigoted crap and my mom make everything about her. I can't wait to get away from the disgusting bathroom no one ever cleans, and the horrific way people clean dishes, and the broken a/c, and the camera in the living room, and the fact that there's animal hair everywhere which gives me a head ache, and the carpets are all disgusting from years of having animals poop and pee and puke all over without getting properly cleaned, and I can't even use the shower because its all so gross, and it's hot here, and there are so many bugs, and I'm allergic to everything, and the only friends I have here are old friends that I kind of stopped caring about years ago, but I still have to act like I want to see them whenever I come back, and I'm just so sick of this place.

[drwcn]

1/3 Hi! Congratulations on your residency, good luck! Hard work but I hope it goes very well. If you have time, I was wondering if you would mind helping me with an Untamed hypothetical? I've been reading about the duty of vengeance that JC has against the Wen, that after the LP massacre, culturally it was his duty to exterminate the Wen to pay them back. And clearly there were other clans that had this duty as well, because the Wen massacred a few clans iirc. Putting all the other motivations

2/3 for the war & extermination of the Wen aside (e.g. Jin clan's desire for Yin Iron) I'm curious whether there's any way this vengeance can be satisfied other than total extermination? Like, if WRH, WX and WC had all died before the end of the war and WQ ascended as overall sect leader to a clan that was nowhere near as wiped out, is there any way she can walk it all back? Can she offer reparations and gift the Nie some land and negotiate for a treaty to stop the war?

3/3 Or is it just going to be endless blood fued from there, no matter what? I'm really just interested in your opinion, no pressure! Thanks for your time <3

Hi! Thank! :) You kind of hit the nail on the head there. Because the Wen clan never really.... did anything to like stop WRH and such, that's why there wasn't really room for more politically saavy manuvers. Jiang Cheng and Yunmeng Jiang saw Qishan Wen as mortal enemies. To be honest, did the clans have round up the farmers and whatever? No. They didn't. If the Jins, who were political leaders at the end of the war, were more fair, they would have let the farmers go. Qishan Wen was screwed either way. But because the Jins, as leaders of the cultivation world, labelled ALL the Wens enemies, then it really puts the Jiangs in a tough spot. On one hand it's like...sure I know the 75 yro grandma had nothing to do with WRH, but on the other hand, am I really gonna make myself look like an asshole for defending the clan that slaughtered my parents and my clan. Do I even want to?

A little bit of historical background for clans being implicated in the crimes of select individuals. People criticize the treatment of Wen remnants because they were innocent, as in they didn't particiate in WRH's craziness. But in anicent china logic, that just doesn't track. The opposite of that would be: well you didn't do anything to stop him either? Why didn't you?

Of course we know well wtf could they have done, WRH was like... crazy and had the Yin Iron. But the counter argument would've been, you could've gone to any other major sect and reported him. And yes, they absolutely could have. And it would've been justified. There is a term called "大义灭亲" - loosely translating to "the greater rightouseness eliminates kinship". If you see your family, you blood, commit horrible moral crimes, it is "understandable" by ancient society if you do nothing, but the morally upright thing would still be to stop them, or at least do what you can to try to stop them. If you don't, then you're complacent, especially if you directly or indirectly benefiting from their morally abhorrent actions. Some crimes that has greater implications for society at large, if you don't stop your crime-committing family member, you will 100% be implicated in the event they get caught. Unless you can prove beyond the shadow of doubt that you had no idea this was even happening. As the ancient saying goes: 不知者无罪 ignorance is innocence.

In the case of the Wens, if Wen Ruohan had succeeded at annexing the other clans and established absolute control over their realm, then whether you're closely related Wen, or a distantly relatedly Wen, you will benefit. Your family "owns the world", so to speak. In the logic of ancient chinese society, if you don't try to stop WRH, for a crime as great as this, you are his abbettor.

And I'm not pulling this out of my ass. Real historical laws in ancient china allowed executions of clans to a greater or lesser extent depending on the crime. If the crime was something like...treason, and you were found out, then your family, including distant relations like third cousin twice removed could be killed. In the Christian bible I believe there is a passage that says sons are not persecuted for the crimes of the father. Well, that's Christian morals. Morals of ancient Chinese society is very different. There's literally a term 父债子换 which mean debts of the father are paid by the son.

So yeah, bringing the conversation to modern day, if Wen Qing had somehow contributed publically to overthrowing WRH, her side of the clan would've been saved. Or at least, it would've given people like LXC and NMJ reason to speak out for her. It's kind of like if you worked in a mafia, bu then you cut a deal with the feds and sell out the big boss, you get put into witness protection program. Same deal here.

[wizkiddx]

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

[apompkwrites]

love in their own way || albedo, childe, xiao, zhongli

masterlist characters: albedo, childe, xiao, zhongli genre: fluff summary: in which their s/o's aren't as forward about their emotions, but still manage to have their little tells that express their love. notes: i hope this meets the request! i had a lot of fun writing this! i just want the boys to be happy :)

albedo -

i like to think albedo is secretly clingy but doesn't allow himself to show it to anyone.

naturally, it's just because he's always holed up with his work.

when he consciously does it... it's because he's nervous.

remember the end of his quest when he's talking to himself at dragonspine?

that's why he's nervous.

anyway!!

he's not too bothered by the fact that you're more reserved.

he has a lot of work so he can't really dwell on the idea for too long.

just you being there when he's working is good enough for him :D

as we all know, this boy is very into experimentation and learning.

so trying to decipher your minuscule facial changes is actually really interesting to him!

he has a bunch of notes just on the little details he can find about you.

and since he's so observant, it doesn't take him long to realize that there are certain signs that only appear around him.

he'll notice them when he's painting you.

whenever he's waiting for results, he'll use the time to draw you <3

because he's done this, he practically has you memorized.

so imagine his surprise when he sees your expression change whenever he leaves your sight.

it takes him a while to actually be able to see this, but i'm sure it's because of timaeus and sucrose.

after all, they're around you a lot whenever albedo is busy.

they probably take a picture to show him something they did while he was gone and that's when he notices.

he doesn't even have to look at a different picture of you.

he can just tell you look different.

the little crinkle next to your eyes was gone.

your lips were more pursed than usual.

you now had a crease in between your brows you didn't have before.

the next time he sees you, he'll hold up the picture next to your face to confirm they're different.

he wants to ask why there's a "clear" difference in your appearance but he already knows why.

he'll ask you just to be sure, though--

your cheeks get a tiny tiny bit darker when you answer wholeheartedly.

it does make him chuckle when he hears that you're so smitten for him in your monotonous voice.

the picture sucrose and timaeus took isn't his favorite of you, so he ends up taking a new one when you two are both exploring dragonspine.

it's a reminder of how much you really love him <3

childe -

out of the four boys here, he's definitely (in my opinion) the most affectionate.

like, this boy will take whatever he can get to just hold you for a second.

especially if you're also from snezhnaya but came all the way to liyue to keep him company.

he's very family-oriented as we've seen, so he treasures these relationships.

now, with an unaffectionate s/o?

honestly, i don't think he'd be too upset about it.

like i said, he really treasures these familial relationships.

because of this, it's his top priority to make sure you feel comfortable in the relationship.

he won't necessarily keep his distance, but he won't be too clingy either.

he'll stand right beside you, enough to where you can almost feel his skin touching yours.

as for your expressionlessness...

it'll take him a bit to really understand how you're feeling.

it's a lot of communication because he doesn't want to mess anything up.

near the beginning of the relationship, he'd ask how you're feeling and if there's anything bothering you.

but once he finally notices the subtle differences in your face, such as a slight eyebrow raise or a tilt of the head, he'll be able to read you easier.

nothing too complex, but just enough for him to tell your emotions.

there is one subtle change that he always looks for, however.

he's realized, with the help of zhongli of course, that there is a specific characteristic that only happens when he's in your line of sight.

your lips are normally pressed in a fine line.

however, around him, the corners lift up ever-so-slightly.

the only reason he's able to see it is that he'll catch himself staring at your lips because he wants a kiss :)

once he sees that, he starts noticing your little quirks whenever you're around him.

you'll lean closer to him as you're walking through liyue harbor.

your eyes start to soften as he talks on and on about his day (and complains about scaramouche--).

he loves the idea that all of these little details about you only happen around him,

it makes him feel... important.

and loved.

even if he holds back from touching you, he'll settle for seeing your cold exterior melt around him.

xiao -

he's not too well versed in affection...

i mean, he's the vigilant yaksha that is known for being stoic just like you are.

you two are basically carbon copies of each other.

no affection and no clear expressions of love.

people (who know both you and xiao) often forget that you two are actually together.

like, they just think you two sit in silence when you're both tired of dealing with people.

they... aren't necessarily wrong.

the two of you are often found sitting at the balcony looking over liyue.

sometimes you bring him almond tofu to share :)

it's very rare for the two of you to actively show your love for each other, mainly because you both know your feelings.

although... xiao does have those moments.

it's not like he's completely oblivious to the whispers about you two.

and on the days where his karma acts up, he gets insecure.

he's... really scared that one day you'll leave just like the others.

it doesn't matter if you're a mortal or an adeptus, he's scared that one day he'll wake up and you'll be gone.

and if that ever comes, he's scared you'll pass on either doubting your feelings or his.

it doesn't help when he notices the difference in your attitude and appearance when he's around.

his first instinct is that he's doing something bad.

either you're angry or upset at his mere existence...

verr goldet's the one who has to explain why you seem different.

she's quite observant on her own, especially because you're the first person that xiao actively enjoys being around.

she'll be the one to tell him that it isn't because you're mad at him.

you have minuscule changes because that's how xiao makes you feel.

you're so soft around him and she can tell just from the small interactions she's seen of you.

for example, when you're talking to the chef downstairs, you have the same expression that xiao has when he's talking to people.

you're annoyed but you know how to handle it.

but when you're around xiao, it's like everything that bothers you disappears.

it's like you're in your own domain whenever he's around.

nothing else matters except for him.

and even if she's relying on small observations and pure intuition, she can tell that the changes are good.

your eyes that seem to look anywhere besides the person you are talking to are completely different from the ones that seem to only focus on xiao.

your normally stiff body relaxes every time you summon xiao at the balcony.

the tiny smile that graces your lips when you disappear to the top of the inn for hours on end.

verr goldet's explanation calms his heart.

his worries seem to disappear and the next time he sees you...

this is the one thing his karma can't take away. he'll be sure of it.

zhongli -

zhongli is also another person who isn't well versed in relationships.

although he isn't as inexperienced as xiao, it'll take some time for him to figure it out.

he's not someone who craves affection like it's the only thing keeping him alive.

he definitely would appreciate it but he completely understands that it isn't something you tend to give.

so instead, he'll show his love in the smaller things.

such as telling you stories, sharing tea, going out on walks, etc.

he's another person who is very observant, especially in people close to him.

his storytelling friends often ask him about your relationship with one another.

they try to bring it to his attention that you may not be as interested as he thinks you are.

of course, he'll simply laugh them off and tell them that they should listen to the person who knows you best.

he'll turn those questions into a big story and explain how they're mistaken about you.

he's never actively told anyone this, save for hu tao who tries to bug him into telling her, but he'll tell them about all of the tiny details that tell him your feelings.

when you're feeling upset, you puff out your cheeks a small bit.

when you're angry, your glare hardens at whatever is making you mad.

when you're happy, your lips part slightly.

when you're in love... well, that's a detail he'll keep for himself.

he's quick to say goodbye to his peers, practically rushing back to your shared home.

he's greeted by you as soon as he opens the door.

your stoic expressions... would be exactly the same to anyone else.

but to him, it's like you've lit up like a small puppy seeing their human parents come home after years.

you don't run up to him, but you turn to look at him and away from the book on the table.

he'll greet you with a quiet nod, pulling out the chair and sitting next to you.

he'll take the book from you, taking in your appearance for a moment.

your shoulders relax by a hair and you move your chair an inch closer to his.

you don't lean your head on his shoulder but you lean towards him as if you were about to.

it's these moments that make everything worth it to zhongli.

here, in your home and in your life, he's simply zhongli.

the man you fell in love with and allowed your reserved self to open up to.

and he would trade anything just to have these moments with you.